#like i haven't felt that anxious in a LONG long time. so i already knew i was in a fragile emotional state. i brought this on myself.

[youremyonlyhope]

Officially crying over sad Disney songs yay.

[lucysarah-c]

"Alright, spill the beans," Erwin said as he sat down on the couch, opening a beer can and crossing his legs. He could hardly contain his smile. Mike and Hange stared intensely at the shorter man. Levi had told them he had something to "share," and he hardly ever shared anything. Therefore, all attention and the floor were his.

The group of friends grew more and more curious as Levi seemed unsure, almost shy. His finger tapped his beer can uneasily as he pressed his lips together. "Fine, but don't fucking laugh."

"I can't promise you that," Hange quickly confirmed, making the other two chuckle but also agree. Levi just sighed resigned.

"Y/N… Y/N found a thong that wasn't hers among her clothes."

Erwin, who was sipping his drink, spat it out in shock at how quickly the situation escalated.

"WHAT?!" Hange tilted forward as they heard what happened while the rest looked in shock, mouths open. "You CHEATED on your 9-year-long girlfriend?!"

"No!" Levi almost shouted back. "That's what I'm trying to explain!"

It was Monday night. We had dinner after coming home, the usual routine. I was doing the dishes after she got out of the shower, and I heard her steps going down the stairs very heavily. That was the first thing that caught my attention, and before I knew it was her, still freshly showered, looking at me and pulling out a red thong, stretching it between her hands. "Whose are these?" My mind went automatically blank. I saw her resting her hand on her hip and frowning back at me. "I-uh." "Because they are not mine," she insisted, her anger palpable. I swear I was trying to speak, but I could only mumble broken shit as she stared back at me as if she was searching for my soul. "Levi Ackerman, WHOSE ARE THESE?" "I- I don't know, I don't fucking know. I swear," I quickly replied as I blinked, trying to find a solution. My mind started to question everything. 'I'm Levi Ackerman… I'm conscious of my actions… I haven't cheated on my girlfriend,' yet I was sweating as if I had. I had no idea whose those were. It was obvious that they weren't hers, apparently, but I've not slept with another woman in years, so I didn't even know where they could have come from. I doubted my entire existence, I began to wonder if I had been drugged and perhaps did something that I didn't recall. The tears, when she began sobbing softly. I felt like the worst human being. "How could you? After all these years…" "No, no, I fucking swear," I said, growing anxious. I don't even own social media accounts; I don't have a password on my phone. I hate cheaters; I would never do something like that to her, to anyone. For a split second, I thought it would have been easier to lie and explain that it was mine somehow. In that moment, my phone started to ring with one of the numbers I have on priorities as she began to walk up stairs. I rushed to pick it up. "Call you later." "Bro, everything okay?" Isabel's voice came from the speakers as she had called me on FaceTime, as she usually does. Apparently, I forgot to hang up as I was walking behind Y/N. "Y/N, I swear on my mother that I don't know whose are those." I was trying to explain myself when Isabel's voice came from the phone again. "There they are! I was wondering where I left them!"

"Apparently, it was from one time they all came over to my house for the pool. I must have put it in the laundry and thought they were Y/N's," Levi finished the tale as the rest looked at him surprised and entertained.

"Didn't you think they could be Isabel's?" Erwin questioned back between chuckles.

"No! How was I supposed to know a red thong was Isabel's!" Levi commented as his cheeks got slightly red.

"Levi… Isabel is 23 already…" Mike said slowly as he tried to make his friend process the idea.

"Tch," Levi took a good sip from his beer as he processed the idea. "You've no idea how fucking scared I was, and when Isabel said they were hers… fucking shit, I never breathed more peacefully in my entire life."

"That happens to you because you do laundry. Since I never do laundry, I don't have those issues," Hange said entertained, but Levi looked back at the brunette dead in the eyes.

Tag list!: @nube55 @justkon @notgoodforlife @jimoonbeau @nmlkys @humanitys-strongest-bamf @quillinhand @thoreeo @darkstarlight82 @i-literally-cant-with-this @angelofthorr @aomio4 @levisbrat25 @fxnnyackerman @secretmoneybearvoid @trashblackrainbow @l3visthighs @hum4n-wr3ckag3 Wanna join my tag list? here!

[myeagleexpert]

𝕸𝖞 𝕳𝖔𝖑𝖞 𝕷𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙

Yandere ex bad boy x reader When a former bad boy gets out of prison and finds you, the light of his life, he decides he would never let you go again.

cw: delusional yandere, creppy, clingy, no use of yn, reader is stressed and doesn't love yandere but is with him just because he's a stress reliever, the straight-laced girl gets involved with an ex badboy, use of pet names “princess , love”, stalking, insecurity, thoughts of getting married, beginning of a relationship, religious themes at the beginning (youth meeting), very soft at the beginning because the longer you stay together the more he develops an obsession.

"I will marry you". You would be grateful to hear this from a long-term relationship….but hearing this on the first day of your first official relationship?? Who would have the audacity to ask you that??

Marc, your new boyfriend. He is of average height, with shaved hair and thin. You met him by inviting him to a youth meeting at your church, and since he wanted to embrace his new good guy phase, he clearly went. And it wouldn't take long for you to regret that decision.

Marc is strangely strange, like a criminal in interrogation, already anticipating the argument he would have with the lawyer. He has an anxious look on his face every time you meet, and the pressure he has placed on his shoulders to be the “perfect boyfriend” requires him to be honest with you. Everyone knows and feels that pleasant and cozy atmosphere when a couple gets to know each other more and more, opening up little by little, leaving themselves vulnerable to the person their heart burns so much but…. I don't want to ruin this phase, but… he opened up about his past and it totally changed your image of him. How messing with delinquent people influenced him, how he left his family and ran away from home, how his other two serious relationships were toxic and abusive and hurt him psychologically, how he spent time in jail when they caught him with drugs , how he abandoned the will to live….

Until he met you and everything changed.

“You are the light of my life” “I only see my future by your side”

Of all the years he appeared in your life, he appeared just when you were killing yourself studying for a place at the college of your dreams! How much sacrifice! So much pressure! So much stress! The year you followed an intense study routine and practically isolated yourself from the world to study was the year he appeared…as a distraction.

You were so stressed that you needed a distraction on your side. After all, you need to live your youth too, don’t you? It won't be anything serious, you don't have time for that princess, it will just be a momentary relief, just a little flig.

Not if it's up to him.

In fact, you "met" in high school, from different classes, he uses and insists on this argument every time you say that you haven't known each other long enough. "But we never spoke….". "But we talked through our eyes!" You swear you can count on the fingers of your left hand how many times you've actually seen him.

Upon leaving the cold and degrading prison and feeling completely lost, he prayed to the heavens about what direction to ask for in life and coincidentally your profile appeared on his Instagram!

"As soon as I saw your profile, I knew you were different and would change my life" he tells the story of how he met his precious girlfriend for the millionth time, with the same dreamy sigh as always.

He spent 8 months just observing you, what you like and what you don't like, following you, your friends and family on all social networks, he discovered your favorite books and read each one of them trying to be the one you admire most, he discovered where you buy your favorite perfumes and bought the ones you liked the most, to know how you felt and all that… thrown out the window. Because every time Marc looks at you, he forgets everything, the world goes blank and his focus is absolutely you.

He forgets the beautiful words he thought when he was going home, he forgets the way the heartthrob in his book convinced the girl to give him an innocent kiss on the cheek, or how he rehearsed in the mirror how to hold her hand and kiss her without looking so awkward, Marc forget that he has to breathe to continue living but frankly he prefers to be in your air, breathe your oxygen. He also forgets that he had other relationships and shouldn't be so nervous around you.

“Then I said-…hey, I can feel your gaze from here.” “Am I staring at you a lot?? Aah sorry, you’re so beautiful that I couldn’t resist.” he says while kissing your cheek and interrupting anything that would come out of your mouth.

Marc desires to be a devoted follower of his goddess, you. But most of the time it fails miserably. He is in such a trance that he forgets everything and even though the eyes of a passionate puppy that he looks at you with seem cute, you are not guilty of feeling offended. He forgets your favorite place to go out, he forgets your favorite snack, he forgets that sweets make you feel calmer in tpm, he forgets that you canceled a date and gets sulky afterwards blaming you, he forgets that you have bigger goals clear and more important than him and most importantly, he forgets that you have a life before him and whenever you mention an ex-boyfriend he's like "What do you mean you had a boyfriend before me? Who is he? Why did they break up?" So that I don't make the same mistakes he did so that I find him and threaten him to never even look at him again.

and for you so I can make you feel guilty for still having his contact so it's just me and you in the world

Marc is strangely strange, have you ever seen a bear hiding behind a lamp post? So is his jealousy. His blood boils every time you mention a name that isn't his, his body screams mine mine mine, to possessively squeeze your waist and his mouth kisses you until the princess's stressed little head forgets that useless name what you just said after all, I'm the one next to you and I bet he can't make you feel good like I do but…. he hides it well, sometimes, when he forces it. But it's so fking hard to disguise it!

"I met a friend of mine today" "Friend, what friend? A man?" "Then he said- "But wait, love - sorry to interrupt you - since when and where have you known him?" Wasn't this friend of yours on his list where he came from? "I met him in my first year of high school, love, he moved away after that, and I met him again now" " And you hugged him? "Of course, like I do with everyone-" "whyyyyyy?" “Marc he’s my friend and-” “And do you remember his name?”- He asked something simple but that had a strong and heavy meaning behind it.

the name. the name is something so simple but so important, isn’t it?

In a random dawn, he realized that the little princess didn't remember people's names very well and when asked, you replied “They're not important to me, just some extras interacting with me” and while you sleepy laughed at theory made on the spot, his heart squeezed as he remembered that you often forgot his name too.

I'm not so important that you remember my name?

In a random dawn, you told him that you had had other relationships before him, but you never felt anything for them, so you ended it and left and forgot about them. Others, which were hidden and you did crazy things in love for them, regretted them and never saw them again. And that he was your first official boyfriend, the first you took home, the first you took to meet your parents and family, the first you took to your hiding place in the house. He. But as quickly as pride filled his heart, his mind fed the uncertainties and insecurities that keep him awake at night.

Would you live love adventures with him too? Would you regret loving him? Do you have feelings for him or is it a one-sided relationship? Would you forget about him? Would you trade it for one night? Would you… leave?

Marc is so strangely strange that he sometimes blurts out strange and chilling phrases every time you try to subtly open his eyes about the relationship, and in his head they are sweet and romantic, passionate and sincere declarations always sealing the promise with kisses and hugs that are increasingly hard and possessive, but they are red signs in your eyes that something is wrong.

“I don’t know if I could handle that either.” You said as you casually gossiped about a breakup between a couple you saw on the internet, without realizing it Marc's eyes darkened when he heard the word breakup "Listen, if we broke up I…"

"Baby, you know that if it's up to me, we'll never breakup, right?" With a determined look, Marc pulled you onto his lap

"Of course, dear, but if what you did…"

"I would come to your house, take you and lock you away from the world. Because if that's the case, you would never leave me."

"Whoa boy, a little bird wasn't meant to be trapped." When you felt the sincerity of Marc's words, you tried to leave your dear boyfriend's lap, demonstrating that you were serious about the matter, this fact did not go unnoticed by him as he smiled at you and with hearts in his eyes, he kissed you madly until you was breathless and again and again and again….he put you in a bridal carry position, pressing you against his chest with such force that it left you sore

"So i cut the bird's wings and we stay together, love, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We will never break up, remember what I told you? Let's get married, my beautiful darling."

[bunny-yan]

Hi! I'm a fan of your yan! Hero/reincarnated reader and I would like to ask if you could write a scenario where the reader has reincarnated again but this time instead of running away they just stay in the village, and in this life, Tasman doesn't end up searching for the reader because they haven't left the village. Because of this, the reader just stays in the village and just so happens to start a relationship with a kind farm boy.

So while Tasman is out marrying another mermaid/fairy queen/princess, the reader is just having the time of their life on a large farmhouse with their new lover. By the time Tasman finds out it's too late because he's already married and it would ruin his reputation if he ever decided to leave his wife for a (now married to a farm boy) reader because while he will stay a hero he won't be as respected by the kingdom for leaving a kind and respected woman, then trying to go for a married woman.

Reputation? Respect?? What does he care what the kingdom thinks of him when he’s the only thing standing between them and world devastation? The only reason he’s morally “good” in the eyes of the kingdom is because they follow the goddess’s teachings which so happens to be who he’s blessed by. The crimes he commits always have something to do with you so there is a much greater chance that you receive the backlash for his unhero like behavior than he does. They can’t hurt him, both because they physically can’t and they need to remain on his good side so they don’t die. But, you? They can hurt you.  In one of the realities he makes a deal with the king to legally imprison you so others turn a blind eye to his not so moral actions. A deal they’re willing to make if it’s for the greater good, ya know?  Tasman doesn’t care about other people. He barely considers them people. The only reason he plays nice and doesn’t take advantage of his supernatural abilities is because he believes it would be too much of a headache to completely upend life as you know it. He keeps up appearances of the righteous hero so he can comfortably do whatever he wants. The only person whose opinion matters to him is yours, though it doesn’t seem to mean much when your wants and desires stray from a future where the two of you are together or you’re alone. 

TW: suggests death

—

The cicadas always seemed to scream the loudest right before the sun pierced the horizon. 

A feverish kiss was shared right before a frantic embrace as promises of his quick return caressed your ears. You held each other like it was the last time you’d ever get to. 

You promised you’d wait. 

Unwanted tears flooded your eyes and you couldn’t help but feel selfish because you knew why he had to go. To want him to stay by your side when he was destined for something greater, the destined savior that would be revered when his mission was successful, because it had to be successful. Because he was going to return to you. 

So you let him go. 

Waiting long after his caravan disappeared from the dirt paved road, you remembered his words, his vow. It was enough to ease the burden on your heart for now. It had to be. 

Life was never quite the same without him. 

The first year, you’d look to every corner as if he’d appear, every closed door as if you were waiting for him to burst through and wrap his arms around you and promise something new. That he’d never leave you now that his mission was fulfilled. 

It was a hope that was too soon. 

You felt anxious the second year. Attempting to live as if such desperate yearning wasn’t what consumed your mind the minute you opened your eyes. You worked, ate, slept, moved through life as if someone else was living for you. 

By the third, your loneliness had reached a peak. It was suffocating. His memory, the touches that no longer lingered, words that you’d play over and over in your mind to convince yourself to trust him. To trust that he was coming back. To chase away the anger that would turn into guilt, knowing full well why he couldn’t visit you. You’d convinced yourself that sending letters would compromise his position. That he would if he could, but fighting the demon king was already too much of a burden. You didn’t want to strain him further with your selfish expectations. You’d wait. You’d waited this long, you could wait a little longer. 

The fourth was bright with celebration. It rekindled a new hope in you as people praised him, thanked him, worshipped the ground he walked on for saving you from the disaster. Joy was bright in everyone’s faces as they danced and laughed now that the dark cloud had finally lifted. You clasped your hands together, fingers fidgeting as you looked along the horizon, waiting. Almost every day you waited, impatient but understanding that there was probably plenty he had to do now that the war was over. He couldn’t just rush back to you. So you waited. Long after the sun disappeared. Long before the cicadas grew so loud you couldn’t bear to think. 

You were treated like a widow. 

Five years had passed with no word. People tried to be careful whenever they discussed the boy who’d grown up in this town. Everyone knew the relationship the two of you had, which is why they were especially careful when mentioning his marriage. Occasionally someone would slip up and you couldn’t help the flinch that would rip through your body.

You couldn’t understand. You waited. You did what you said you’d do, so why? Did the promise the two of you made mean nothing? You couldn’t help the days you locked yourself in your room, unable to bear the heartbreak drenched in grief. 

The town was quiet on nights like those. Grateful for the cicadas that almost drowned that haunting wail. 

It was too soon to think about a new relationship. 

Sure, it had been six years since you’d last seen him, but you still felt an ache in your soul and it was too new of a wound to hide with friendly smiles. 

He was someone you’d grown up with. He was well aware of your relationship with Tasman. It made it even harder. You don’t know why you accepted his offer to go out on a date. Maybe it was the persistence or if you had grown tired of hurting with no relief. 

You wondered if it would remind you of him. If you’d compare the two, and you were right. But he was nothing like Tasman. The more time you spent with him, the easier it was to recognize he was nothing like your first love. 

It was a relief. 

For the first time you thought, maybe you could move on.

You began to smile again. He pointed it out on one of your dates. The two of you would often camp out wherever the sun shined the brightest, content to feel its ray on your skin as you held each other and talked. His observation didn’t cause the knee jerk reaction you thought it would. 

The raging pain from memories of who you were before. The dull ache you carried that seemed to sting a little less with each passing day. 

You looked at him and finally realized what he meant to you.

The man who brought back your smile. The one who helped you realize your would had scarred nicely.

It wasn’t much. He couldn’t offer you the world, but what he did offer was worth more. He was kind and thoughtful, he listened, and his flaws touched you a lot deeper than you thought capable. There was no question, no hesitation when he asked you to marry him. 

For the first time, you truly began to remember what happiness felt like. 

It happened during the night. On a day you would never have assumed would hold as much importance as it did. 

Your eyes were forced open as a violent cough racked through your body. Sitting up from the bed, you felt a pounding in your skull. 

It was supposed to be night. A strange uneasiness crept in your body at how bright your room was. 

You climbed out of bed when you realized he wasn’t laying next to you, shuffling to the window and feeling your heart stop at the sight of the barn. It was engulfed in flames. 

You screamed his name as you ran down the stairs, knowing he would’ve woken you if he realized something was wrong. Gasping at the sight of flames spreading through your house, you ran to the back door to escape the heat that was dangerously creeping towards you. 

Slamming the back door open, you called for him again, rushing towards the barn before coming to a dead halt when you realized it was too late for the hose. You would have to watch helplessly as his family’s home burned to the ground. 

Where was he? Why wasn’t he answering you? Did something happen to him?

Anxious fear told you  to do something. That you needed to find him. You didn’t know where you would go or who to ask for help, but everything else could wait. At least until you knew he was okay. 

“Lover,” a familiar voice said, causing you to whip around. .

It felt as if time had stopped as a look of realization passed across your features when the stranger walked close enough for your eyes to make out his features. What was he doing here? Standing still, watching you as if this was completely normal.

Tasman.

You couldn’t help the dread you felt at the smile on his face. The familiar smile he always wore. A smile that didn’t ackowledge the dumbfounded horror on your face or the tears that threatened to spill from your eyes that stung from the smoke or the unwilling realization that there was no chance you’d ever see him again. 

His eyes seemed alight with something sinister and the flames that licked the barn behind you only heightened the unearthly glow in them that grew as he came closer. 

This wasn’t the reunion you imagined. It wasn’t one you wanted anymore. Why was he here? Where was he?

He wrapped his arms around your shoulders, your body too limp to resist his affections as he squeezed you tightly. 

“I’ve missed you.” 

The cicadas always seemed to scream the loudest right before the sun pierced the horizon, but despite the crackling flames that lit the sky, they were quiet. 

[zivazivc]

Sorry if this has already been asked before but why did the band break up? And did they break up on decent terms? Do they still talk to each other sometime?

It has been asked before, I just never answered jshfbdjcbh I'm still piecing everything together and stuff is changing or getting tweaked all the time, so I'm always super hesitant about answering these types of questions, afraid that people will take whatever I say as the final answer. So basically what I'm going to answer now will already contradict what I told some people already. And maybe in the future the story might go a little differently too (although I'm pretty satisfied with the current events)

Uhhh, get ready for a long info dump. I didn't expect I'd write this much...

Floyd basically stayed with the band for 8 years (from 14 till 22) and got pretty messed up in the process. The rest of the guys are all quite older than him so I guess I could say they were more responsible, or at least had a better understanding of their own limits (also they grew up in this kind of environment or grew up aware of it, while Floyd was oblivious and naive about all of it) and while they do get drunk and do drugs often, none of them are really dependent on them. They are also pretty good judges of character and know how to avoid trouble. Floyd on the other hand drove in with no breaks and constantly got himself in trouble that the rest (mostly Les) had to drag him out of. He also developed bipolar during this time (in my story Floyd constantly fluctuates between being saturated and being desaturated because of this) and his manic and depressive episodes started getting out of hand after his teenage years. (None of them are aware it's a mental disorder that's making him act so out of character.)

Floyd was becoming miserable because of this and all of his problems pilling up, and started blaming Les for the way he was. Les never argued this which only fueled Floyd to blame him more. In the end he was getting so frustrated and irritable that Floyd constantly tried starting arguments with him, even putting him down and getting aggressive at times because Les gets very unresponsive and closed off during personal conversations (guy is a giant onion of suppressed trauma that Floyd is hellbent on peeling open).

Eventually there was one fight too many, terrible things were said, some objects flew through the air, and Floyd walked out (or Hed kicked him out, I haven't decided yet) with the promise of going home and never seeing them again.

So, yeah, it was very messy and Floyd was the primary asshole, even though he's not really to blame either...

But Floyd didn't make it home (was too scared to sneak through Bergen Town to get to the tree (i don't think i can judge him for that either)) and he just returned to the reckless lifestyle, this time without anyone being there to keep him safe. So if he was messed up before, this is the time period where he got absolutely fucked up. This is also when he got heavily addicted to sour worms. And when he chronically slept around (half the time just to get offered free worms or have somewhere to sleep, other times because he was having manic episodes and was feeling hypersexual). (This is also potentially the period when he had the two eggs with that techno troll, but I'm still thinking if I want that to be canon to the story or not.) During this time he also grew to become very anxious and his self-confidence went to shit when he was being himself.

Then after about three years of that, he bumped into Les at some party. He wanted to dodge him out of shame but Les grabbed his arm and manhandled him outside to talk. Floyd felt like shit about the way they had split up and tried apologizing for all the stuff he had said and done to Les, but Les wasn't having any of that because he wasn't angry at Floyd, he was just worried about him. Les is also insanely empathetic like Floyd, and he knew that Floyd never really meant any of it, and that he was just looking for an outlet when he was hurting. Also he does think he is to blame for the way Floyd ended up.

Les wanted to know why he didn't go home like he had said (because that was the only reason Les had even let him walk out in the first place). A few exchanged words later and Floyd broke down telling him all the awful things he'd done, and Les promised to help him, feeling insanely guilty. Floyd wondered if he was allowed back in the band but Les made it clear that the band wasn't good for him and that he was never taking him back. Instead Les helped him go though rehab. I don't think trolls have those institutions (or at least not many are aware of them or how they work (I'm sorry but I refuse to believe the Trolls world has internet and cellphones, Mountrageons can keep that for themselves lol)), so it was more or less just Les finding Floyd a job and his own place to stay in the middle of bumfuck nowhere where he had no option but to detox, and constantly checking up on him to make sure he was doing okay. During this time they grew pretty close again. Or maybe the better term would be that Les slowly started putting his walls down again.

Hed needed a while to warm up to Floyd again. He's almost as protective of Les as Les is of him, and he resented Floyd for the way he had treated him.

Flea is pretty phlegmatic when it comes to any sort of arguing or drama. He was casual about seeing Floyd again, they were never super close anyway.

And Liv, she left the band when she and Hed broke up (haven't decided if that happened before or after Floyd left), so Floyd didn't get to see her again after bumping into Les at the party. And I haven't thought yet if they'd ever meet again somewhere later in life. But if they did, I think they'd both be happy to see each other.

Anyway...

Floyd managed to detox and successfully kept the job for about a year, but then he became manic again and messed it all up. After that he returned to his nomadic lifestyle, but he never fell as hard as those three years again. In my story Floyd's life is a constant cycle of getting his life together and fucking it up and booking to the next place. And he and Les are trapped in a never-ending cat and mouse game where they're both trying to fix each other.

So, uh, Les and Floyd are still very close and see each other somewhat often...

(sometimes monthly, sometimes yearly)

Yeah...

I am so fucking obsessed with them I'm gonna hurl. Please take this song before I combust:

[thebearer]

I know u have a billion requests but I'm dying fir a carmy x reader where she goes into labor

i have one here with willow but i'll write a first time one too with teddy!

Carmen knew it was coming soon, which is why he hovered. Why he rarely let you be alone, the thought of him missing it or something happening made him sick. Tina and Sugar both told him it was a long process, there's no way he'd miss it, but he was still anxious. Worried about a lot of things, thoughts that kept him up at night. Would he be a good dad? Would the birth go ok? What if something happens to the baby? What if something happens to you? What if he gets in a wreck on the way home? What if the baby died in her sleep?

Thoughts that had him throwing up all hours of the night. Your morning sickness was traded in for his own, worrying himself to the point he was sure he had an ulcer.

The phone rang, a Tuesday in August. Still sunny and warm, but with the golden glow that hinted fall was coming soon. Carmen was so busy, trying to approve the new seasonal menu, and for a moment his mind had slipped of all those anxieties. Until he heard your voice.

"I think I'm in labor."

"You think?" Carmen barked, harsher than he meant it to, a wave of guilt flooding over him. "What-What-What do you mean think? Are you ok?"

"Well, my water just broke." You frowned, looking at the puddled under your swollen belly. You paused, a hesitation laying thick in the air between the two of you over the line. "I think it's time."

Carmen was a wreck, swerving and punching the gas in and out of Chicago traffic to get the the brownstone, parking up on the sidewalk, HOA be damned.

You were calm, eerily calm to him, as he threw your bags, all your birthing things into the car, carefully helping you in. "Fuck!" Carmen huffed, hitting his horn for the third time in five minutes.

You gripped the side of the door, trying to breathe like your birthing coach taught you. "Carmy, please." You sighed, regulating your own heart rate. "Stop honking at people before we get shot."

"I'm just... Fuck, you know you think these fuckers would see hazard lights on and move, but everyone's so goddam stupid-"

"Carmen," You grabbed his hand lightly, thumb gliding over his inked fingers calmly. "Just relax. I haven't even really started having contractions, ok? We'll have time." How was it you were in labor and you were the one comforting Carmen? He felt like a jagoff, could practically hear Mikey and Richie's chorusing voices calling him that.

"I'm sorry." Carmen muttered, slumping back into the seat. "I'm just... I'm really fuckin' scared." His knee bounced, hand twitching towards the Spirit's in the center console. It was muscle memory, to reach for the cigarettes when he was anxious. He chose the gum instead, trying his best to cut back for when the baby was here. In case she'd have asthma or something else, and he just didn't want to teach her bad habits.

He wanted to be better. Be better.

Sometimes he wondered if his parents ever had ambitions like that. To be better, do better for their kids. If they did, they didn't stick.

"I know you are." You cooed lightly, running a hand through his damp curls, sweat accumulating at his hair line already. "You're gonna be a good dad, you know that?"

"I hope," Carmen smacked the gum with a shake of his head.

"I know." You beamed at him. "You already do so much for her anyways, and she's not even here, Carmy." He didn't say anything, just kept a white knuckled grip on the wheel, his free holding your hand.

"The only thing you'll be bad at is saying no to her, Carm. I already know that. You're too much of a softy." You giggled, poking him lightly in his bicep.

Carmen's lips twitched, the hints of a smile on his lips. You could feel the wave of a contraction, not overwhelming but uncomfortable, squeezing Carmen's hand lightly, shifting in pain. "What? Are you ok? You good?" Carmen's eyes darted from you to the road.

"Just a little contraction. I'm fine." You sighed gently, rubbing your free hand over the spot you could feel Teddy kicking. "They're still pretty spaced out, so we've got a while."

Carmen let out a shuddered breath, lips quipping in a smile. "She's takin' her time, already? We're doomed. She's gonna be just like her Mama. Late for everything."

You gasped, hitting his shoulder lightly. "And here I was being nice to you!" You bit back a smile. "I am not late for everything. I'm on time for the important stuff. Just late for the things I don't want to go to."

"Signing our marriage license?" Carmen lifted a brow. "You didn't want to do that-"

"-No, no, no! You dressed up and I looked like a bum, so I had to get ready!" You countered lightly, jabbing a finger at him.

"I didn't dress up! I wore jeans-"

"-And a nice button down. Not a t-shirt? That's dressing up, Carm, and you know it." You frowned at him. "I had a pair of bike shorts on."

"And you looked hot in them." Carmen grinned, eyes glinting when he looked at you, making you blush, heat rushing to your cheeks and chest. Your own nerves settling, your own what-ifs and fears of giving birth, of being a mother in general.

"Looked better in the dress." Carmen added, lifting your hand to kiss the back of your knuckles. You rolled your eyes lightly, heart fluttering. The white sundress you'd put on, patterned with a floral print but the only white dress you owned, and Carmen had swooned. Flipped it up and fucked you in the back seat after you'd signed it.

"Surprised I didn't get pregnant after that." You grinned, breath hitching at another contraction, dull but stronger this time.

Carmen's eyes cut to yours, thumb running over your knuckles at the pressure. "Can't believe we're having a baby." Carmen muttered, flicking on the turn signal, the hospital in sight.

[drewstarkeyslut]

Can you do a sfw sweet tooth rotting fluff on an sensory overstimulated reader at a party and she's fidgeting and he notices so they leave the party and he takes her out to eat and watch the stars on the back of his truck😍

NOTHING ELSE MATTERS☁︎

No warnings - Just non canon fluffy Rafe.

To the anon that requested, if you see this— i’m so sorry it took so long, it took a while for it to process in my mind bc things weren't coming to me right away, so if it feels rushed, so sorry! this is my first time writing fluff ever, and wasn’t sure how to write out the overstim/fidgeting…hopefully it’s not terrible🥺

Rafe somehow talked to you into going to Top’s house party tonight. It definitely was the little smirk and the pouty lips he gave you.

“Come on y/n baby, pleaseee go for me? I promise we won’t stay long. It’s just that I already promised Top months ago that I would go. I’d really love for you to come with me” Rafe practically begged.

You thought about it for a moment. I mean it was Rafe… and you would literally do anything for him.

“Fiiiiiine babe, you win. I’ll go, for you. Pick me up at 8?” you cave in.

It was exactly 8pm on the dot when Rafe came to pick you up. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. You actually took the time to do your makeup and dress up for tonight. “You look absolutely beautiful” Rafe stammered as he opened the door of his truck to let you in. "Why thank you handsome, you don't look too bad yourself" you tease, giving him a little wink.

It had been 2 hours in, you were sitting on the couch with a red solo cup in your hand just watching people having the time of their lives. Instead of socializing like everyone else, you were too busy thinking about how the music was too loud and how there were way too many people for your liking.

You were a huge introvert and weren’t typically used to this type of setting but you did it for Rafe, who was currently talking to Kelce and Top. Although he wasn't right next to you the whole night, he made sure to stay nearby just in case you needed him. Rafe was known to be protective, always had to have eyes on you at all times.

A few minutes pass by, starting to feel more anxious from all the thoughts clouding your mind which make you fidget without even realizing it. You briskly tap your foot and you're shifting in your seat, reapetedly. Overall, getting more uncomfortable as the time passes.

Rafe took notice of your constant tapping and shifting. He knew right then and there that his girl was feeling anxious and a bit overstimulated. He knew it was time to go.

"Hey baby, are you alright? Come on let's get you out of here, yeah?" Rafe insists, planting a kiss on your forehead.

"Are you sure babe? I just...feel bad because you'd be leaving so early. I think I can wait it out a little more" you lie but Rafe knows you too well.

"Y/n, just stop. You can't lie to me princess. I know you and I care about you. Now let's get out of here, it was getting boring anyways. I'd rather spend some quality time with my girl" Rafe spoke with confidence.

"Thanks babe. You're the best you know that? Also, is it okay if we get something to eat on the way home?" you ask with that sweet smile that Rafe just adores.

"Of course, anything for you. How about....we go to The Wreck then go to our favorite spot to watch the stars? That sound good? Hmmm?" he grins knowing the answer to his question.

"Omg Rafe! We haven't done that in a while. Yes, yes, yes please! It's like you read my mind babe." you exclaim.

You and Rafe leave after saying bye to Top and Kelce, now heading towards the Wreck.

Thankfully there was no wait tonight. You both got the same thing as always and just shared. It was like a ritual every time you came to The Wreck. You ended up talking about anything and everything until you both were ready to get a move on.

It was just so easy with him. You were so comfortable and felt safe, you couldn't see yourself with anyone else, completely smitten. As for Rafe, he never felt that way about anyone until you entered his life and changed everything. He never knew what love was until you became his.

You were so deep in thought that you didn't even realize that you arrived at the beach. It was honestly one of the best spots to lay back and stargaze. You and Rafe came quite often ending date nights here, and that's why it became your favorite places. Rafe always kept a blanket and two pillows in the back seat of his truck for spontaneous moments like this. Everything about it was so romantic.

He makes sure to open the door for you to get out and hold your hand making sure you get onto the bed of the truck safely before getting on himself.

"Thank you for this Rafe. Truly. I think I really needed this, especially tonight" you spoke as you cuddled up next to him.

"Like I said, anything for my girl. Oh and I also wanted to thank you for coming out tonight. I know going to parties isn't your thing so I appreciate you staying as long as you did." Rafe murmurs.

You cherish this moment, looking up at Rafe, your head resting on his lap and his arm is wrapped around you. There was something about the way he looked up at the night sky admiring the stars that gave you butterflies. It was definitely a sight to see and you wanted nothing but to be in this moment with Rafe, nothing else mattered.

You couldn't help yourself as you sit up swiftly and grab his face turning his head towards you. Rafe, completely caught off guard looks at you with those alluring eyes and you swear you fall in love all over again.

You both end up going in for a kiss at the same time. Rafe slipping his tongue in your mouth, catching you by surprise. You two were devouring each other for what seemed like hours until you both pull away, gasping for air.

"I love you Rafe Cameron"

"And I love you Y/N Y/LN, so fucking much, more than you’ll ever know."

[jostyriggslover96]

Summer Rituals

Summary: Jack and Kira (OC) had the perfect summer filled with the perfect rituals. As hockey season looms and mother nature visits too early things start to fall apart. *Kira's thoughts are italicized.

Part of the HEART FIRST Series

AN: Wow! I haven't written in a while, but Jack has inspired me to start writing so here we go. This is my first time writing for Jack and in general for a long time, hope you all enjoy! I'm thinking of making this a series, if you're interested let me know!

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of period, crying.

Word Count: 3.4k

Summer Rituals

Sundays were normally my favorite day of the week. They often involved lazy mornings in bed with my boyfriend, Jack; followed by coffee, cuddles on the couch, and football if it were in season. However, this Sunday was not working out the way I normally loved. I woke up to find the other side of the bed cold and a note on my nightstand informing me that Jack was off at the rink for a skate. Dread filled my body as I scanned the note again, I knew that hockey season was quickly approaching and still it snuck up on me faster than expected this year. I understood what I was getting into when I entered a relationship with Jack; expecting to spend considerable time alone during road trips, but that didn’t mean I wanted to sacrifice our Sunday rituals built over the off-season. 

Ready or not, I found myself waking up alone after spending the perfect third summer deepening our already intimate connection, and it felt soul crushing. Sinking further into my warm sheets, I felt the sadness seep in. Get it together Kira, I thought to myself as I buried my head into my pillow. He’s going to be home soon, so I tried to reassure myself. Restlessness set in as I started fidgeting with my nails, a nervous habit that Jack would always point out. He always knew when I was anxious and just how to calm me down. Warm tears burned the corner of my eyes as I squeezed them shut, daydreaming of the man who held my heart. 

~~~(flashback)

Kira met Jack Hughes by random chance 3 summers ago at the lake back home in Manitoba. At the time, it seemed like a normal summer day, but it was actually a day that would change her life. It was the day that Kira met Jack, the day that she met her soulmate.

Close family friend and Manitoba hockey royalty, Nolan Patrick, had invited me out for a day on the boat. I was never one to turn down a free boat ride, but was surprised to find the boat filled with the young rising stars of the New Jersey Devils when I arrived. I knew that Nolan was good friends with Nico, but I had expected him to warn me when there would be other NHL superstars on the boat. 

Despite the surprise start to the day, it went off without a hitch. Nico and I were fast friends, both enjoying making sarcastic jokes at our mutual friends' expense. I took a surprising interest in Jack, who was close to four years my junior. Normally I wouldn’t give any guy younger than me the time of day, but there was something different about the Hughes boy that I was drawn to. Maybe it was his dazzling smile or his contagious laugh or possibly the way his gaze made me weak in the knees; whatever it was, I spent the majority of the day flirting with the younger hockey star. As much as it surprised me that a younger man was igniting my desires, it completely shocked me that the NHL forward seemed to reciprocate the interest. 

Despite growing up around hockey players due to my close friendship with Nolan, I never thought any of them would ever be interested in me that way; I just wasn't the typical WAG. I was average height, long hair, reasonably fit but still knew my way around a burger. Tattoos and piercings sprinkled my body; coupled with my sarcastic sense of humor, occasionally passive aggressive attitude, and my tendency to be a bit of a nerd. I was also incredibly driven, working hard to finish my second degree and paying off my student debt by working as a bartender. I just wasn't the typical rich model or influencer that became a WAG. Jack saw me completely differently than I saw myself, to him I was the girl of his dreams.

After spending a day on the boat paying more attention to each other than the water sports taking place and an evening around the fire that led to cuddling under a blanket, Jack and I decided to jump in head first. Even though every instinct in my body was telling me to run as fast as I could from the younger hockey player, when I looked into Jack’s eyes, I knew there was something there. 

Jack and I quickly found our rhythm as a couple, growing to know each other on deeper levels than we thought possible. Jack soothed my anxiety and helped me find my calm. I helped him stop second guessing himself and find the balance with his confidence. Naturally, there were comments about our age difference; I have never seen Jack annoyed at his friends until one of them jokingly called me a cougar. The age difference didn’t bother us, Jack was a mature soul but we could be young and goofy any day. Before Jack I was never one for relationships, never finding anyone that was worth being vulnerable with. Jack broke down those walls and reminded me there were good guys out in the world; I credit that to the way Mama Hughes’ raised her sons. 

As our relationship grew, our love for each other's true selves grew too; it wasn’t just vulnerabilities, but quirks too. I learned what hockey rituals Jack was passionate about and that he took fantasy football very seriously. He learned that the Bachelor series was my guilty pleasure and that sad days required a Harry Potter movie marathon. Growing up with brothers meant it was his first experience being surrounded by beauty products; I will never forget the day that he saw me using purple shampoo in the shower and could not comprehend that it kept my hair looking blonde. Jack always knew how to make me laugh, whether he meant to or not.

Fast forward three years, add a completed degree, a move to New Jersey, the take-off of Jack’s career, and my first big girl job…we were stronger than ever as a couple. We created a home together and with that started our own rituals as a couple. Our lives intertwined perfectly and I was happier than I ever imagined possible. 

~~~

Shaken from my thoughts, I heard a knock on my bedroom door before it slowly slid open. Knowing that Jack would never knock before entering our shared bedroom, disappointment seeped into my bones. 

“Kira,” Luke’s voice called as he hesitantly entered my room. Luke, Jack’s younger brother, recently came to live with the two of us when he started playing for the team. Even though I was concerned about living with two hockey players, Luke was surprisingly a great roommate and confirmed my theory that the Hughes’ boys were some of the sweetest men on earth. 

“Yeah Luke?” rubbing sleep and tears off my eyes as I gazed at the tall, yet innocent hockey player.

“Just wanted to let you know that I’m heading out with some of the guys,” his voice was gentle, almost as if he didn’t want to startle me. I smiled at the thoughtful gesture, Luke always let me know where he was so I wouldn’t worry.

“Have fun,” I called as he sent me a smile before gently closing the door. Okay, now I’m truly all alone. Cue the sad Sunday mood.

I spent the morning in bed alone before washing my hair and settling on the couch for a coffee. I longed to be wrapped in Jack’s arms, buried in our sheets sharing lingering touches, warm kisses, and quiet giggles. The couch felt empty without him next to me, the apartment felt quieter, even the weather was gloomier because we weren’t together. To top off the lonely morning, I was welcomed by a surprise visit from mother nature. No Jack cuddles and my period, worst Sunday ever. 

Jack made it home around noon, but didn’t join me under the fuzzy blanket on the couch despite my outstretched arms begging him to. He said he had to go shower because the ones at the rink were being repaired; not even stopping to greet me with a kiss because he was too sweaty. The morning was already challenging enough without Jack there, but the lack of affection when he came home sent my Sunday blues into a complete spiral.

The season hasn’t even started and our Sunday morning rituals have already crumbled. Jack and I created a lot of rituals over the summer between time at the lake with his family and his surprise visits to my office during the work day. There were so many small moments that I didn’t want to give up; holding hands on walks through the park, lunch being dropped off with a smile, blaring Harry Styles out on the boat, cuddling out on the deck watching the stars. I love Jack more than words can describe, but hockey season was hitting me hard this year. Tears pricked on the skin under my eyes, threatening to fall as I clutched my now cold coffee for dear life and watched as rain pelted against the windows. 

“Babe, where’s Luke?” I heard Jack call out distantly. I was too absorbed in my thoughts to register that he was expecting a response. 

Shivering as I watched the sky pour out its sadness, I wrapped the fuzzy blanket even tighter around my shoulders. The sky was crying, just like my soul. There wasn’t much I could do at this point to stop my tears from free flowing like the rain that fell from the sky. The sound of raindrops and sniffles enveloped the apartment, though neither were loud enough to drown out the sound of Jack calling for me again from the bedroom. Part of me registered that he was calling for me but the other part of me was so lost in my thoughts and sadness that I couldn’t answer. My mind was too busy running through a list of all the things that were going to change once hockey season started. No more surprise coffees or dinners by Chef Jack or binging tv shows or— a strong hand on my shoulder shook me from my thoughts. Blinking for a moment as I came back to reality, I glanced to my right seeing Jack at my side, a look of confusion painted across his face. I quickly scrambled to put my coffee mug on the table and dry my tear stained cheeks before Jack noticed.

“Kira, did you hear me?” Jack asked as his pupils zeroed in on the stray tears that escaped my eyelashes.

“Hmm? Oh no, I missed that,” I mumbled while I attempted to avoid his gaze. Whenever Jack sensed something was off, he would stare at me with those piercing blue eyes and read me like a book. I didn’t want him to know about this, the tears and moping. Instead, I stared at my fingers which were trembling as I tried to mask my true feelings. 

“I asked where Luke was,” Jack’s voice softened, his tone was warm like honey and was just a sweet.

“Oh, uh he went out with the guys, I think,” I murmured as I glanced up meeting the gentle gaze of the man I was longing for. That was a mistake, I thought as the tears welled in my eyes once more. My gaze shifted to the ceiling in a last ditch attempt to hide my sadness. 

“Babe, what’s wrong?” Jack questioned as he shuffled to sit on the couch next to me, cushions shifting with his weight. His arm slid from my shoulder to wrap around my body, pulling me closer to his warm embrace.

“Nothing,” I muttered. Being this close to him was making my defenses weak, his arms felt like home to me as he squeezed me tightly. 

“Babe, come on. I can tell something’s wrong, just tell me what’s going on,” his voice grew softer as he pressed soft kisses into my scalp, in a silent way he was reassuring me that he would always take care of me. 

“Seriously, Jack it’s silly,” I commented while nuzzling further into his frame. Cuddling on the couch, this was the Sunday I recognized. 

“Babe, you’re crying. I guarantee it’s not silly,” he whispered as he leaned back to meet my gaze once more. Those blue eyes always made me weak, times like this were when he truly could read me like a book. 

“Just feeling sad,” the words tumbled from my lips. I could tell from the way he raised his eyebrows that he wanted to know more. “Lonely, I guess. You weren’t here when I woke up,” I stammered.

Realization fell upon his face, “and it's Sunday. I wasn’t here for our routine.”

“I just worry,” I paused for a moment. “That it’s over now.”

“What’s over now?” confusion gracing his angelic features.

“Our perfect summer, those special moments. The office visits, walks in the park at lunch, cooking dinner together, and spending Sunday’s in bed,” I trailed off.

“Babe, why would that be over?” he asked gently as he tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear.

I hesitated for a moment, not wanting him to hate me for what came next. “Hockey,” I whispered.

“Right, hockey,” Jack nodded in understanding. I could tell the wheels were turning and he was doing his best to get to the bottom of what was going on. 

“It’s stupid, I know,” my gaze dropped down once more. Jack’s fingers rested under my chin, tilting my head back so I would look at him again.

“It is not stupid Kira, not even a little,” he paused while his words registered in my mind. “Those moments, this summer was special to me too. Hockey is not going to stop those moments.”

“You promise?,” my voice was full of surprise as he made every effort to reassure me.

“Of course I promise. I know hockey is starting back up, and I’m sorry I couldn’t be with you this morning. But I am going to make sure that I bring you coffee whenever I can, that we spend some of our Sundays on the couch together, that I dazzle you with my cooking skills. Just that we keep up with those special rituals we started,” a smile formed on his lips as he spoke. I couldn’t help but start to smile too, those moments meant just as much to him as they did to me.

“Yeah, I don’t want to lose those,” I commented as I leaned in closer to his embrace.

“I don’t want to either, I feel more connected to you than ever. More in love with you than ever,” he said as his smile was in full force. Damn, he has a great smile. 

“I love you too,” I leaned forward, gently brushing my lips with his. “I don’t know why this is so hard for me this year,” I muttered, more to myself than to Jack. 

“Babe it was a fucking amazing summer and…” he stopped midsentence, pausing in thought. 

“What?” I questioned, lips still so close to his that I could feel his breath tickling my skin. 

“Well…” Jack hesitated. “It’s the seventeenth today.”

“So?” my face scrunched up, utterly confused by Jack's need to point out the date to me.

“Kira, it’s the seventeenth today,” Jack stated matter-of-factly. Confusion filled my brain for a moment, was there something important happening today? After a few seconds it hit me like a freight train.

“My fucking period,” clarity rushed through me. It all made sense now. “I’m always sad on the first day of my period,” I stated while Jack nodded along as my realization set in. 

“That doesn’t mean that being upset about this is wrong, it’s okay babe,” he replied. There he was, so emotionally mature for his age. He is such an attentive person. How did I get such a good guy?

“Thanks Jacky, you always know how to make me feel better,” I smiled gratefully as I pecked his lips once more.

“You know what will make you feel even better?” he asked as a sly smile crossed his face.

“What baby?” I questioned. That smile was not always a good sign, sometimes he had something chaotic up his sleeve when that smile graced his face.

“A movie day!” Jack exclaimed as he shuffled to a standing position. “You can change into your comfy clothes, we can watch Harry Potter, order pizza. The whole deal,” his voice filled with excitement as he pulled the cozy blanket off my lap.

“That sounds amazing,” excitement filled me as Jack helped me off the couch to my feet. He is always so thoughtful, truly knows how to make me happy.

“Go change and I’ll order the pizza,” he instructed as he twirled me around him so I was facing the hall to our bedroom. Giggling for a moment as a glimmer of his goofiness shone through.

“Ooh I’ll have pepperoni with–,” I was cut off before I could finish my thought.

“Pepperoni with dairy free cheese and extra sauce, got it babe,” he stated as he waved me off and scrolled his phone, presumably to order our food.

“You know me too well,” I smiled as I scurried down the hall to change into my favorite comfy clothes. 

“Wouldn’t be the man of your dreams if I didn’t,” Jack called after me. I couldn’t help but smirk over his words, cocky but they were true.

After changing into one of Jack’s Devils sweaters and leggings I made my way back to the living room where Jack had been setting up snacks, fuzzy blankets, and most importantly the Harry Potter movies. Jack smiled up as he noticed me reentering the room, patting the couch beside him for me to join.

“Is that my sweater?” he smirked as I plopped down on the couch and nuzzled into his side. 

“Mine now,” I quipped while wrapping my arms around him. 

“We’ll see, might have to steal it back from you,” he teased as he slid his warm fingers under the sweater and pinched my side.

“Looks better on me,” I teased back as I stole the remote from him and pressed play on the movie before resting my head on his shoulder.

“Can’t argue with you there,” he whispered before pressing his lips gently to my scalp as he wrapped his other arm around me and pulled me closer to him, if that were even possible. “You know, we could create some new rituals during this season. Doesn’t have to stop when summer ends,” he stated as the ominous music from the movie played in the background.

“I love that idea,” I replied as my body relaxed against his. Comfortable silence filled the air between the two of us as we both settled into the movie while the characters started a rather tense discussion on the screen. The blankets and Jack kept me warm while we got lost in the movie universe we had been immersed in many times before. 

A little while later as some action was just starting to peak in the movie, the front door burst open and behind it was Luke Hughes with a box of pizza. “Hey, you started a movie without me?” he questioned, clearly offended that we left him out. 

“Not my fault you’re missing the Sunday ritual man,” Jack shot back without even glancing up from the screen.

Luke shuffled over to us with the pizza box in hand, “dude I was picking up your pizza.”

“Thanks Lukey,” I smiled at the younger boy as I adjusted myself next to Jack. He nodded with a smile as he set the pizza down on the coffee table. Just as he turned to walk away, I patted the open spot on the soft couch cushion beside me. “Join us Lukey, you haven’t missed much.” Luke smiled as he took a seat next to me, leaning forward to open the steaming hot pizza.

“I guess Sunday rituals are for everyone,” Jack rolled his eyes teasingly as I pressed my lips to his cheek. There is nowhere I would rather be than on the couch with my boys hanging out. I guess this Sunday didn’t turn out so bad after all, all thanks to the younger NHL superstar I met all those years ago, my Jacky Hughes.

[linawritestwst]

rollo x reader who's scared of magic headcanons (gn!reader)

so. here i am, writing this HJSJDJDSJ. but i actually wanted to write something with rollo for a long time and i thought that i can wait until this event ends.. but i'm too impatient, haha. also yeah, if you haven't read the event story yet, these headcanons are full of spoilers!

okay, so i probably should explain this concept. you see, i know that this fandom usually depicts mc as someone who is 100% against rollo's actions and wants to protect their friends AND THAT'S COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE, but one day i sat there and was like.. "but what if mc wasn't like that". what if mc was so tired of everything and they were so traumatized because of everything that happened that they became scared of magic? what if they even hate it now? you can imagine the reader being someone who loved magic and was interested in it, but eventually became terrified of it because of their trauma or you can imagine them being someone who found this world too scary from the start. also, they don't like nrc students that much (but they don't want to admit it) and pretty much get a corruption arc, so if you don't want to read something like that.. you should probably skip this one.

if you want to read something similar (but more.. uh, comforting), but with other characters, feel free to check out my riddle, leona, azul and jamil x reader who's traumatized from overblots headcanons!

warnings: a mention of a panic/anxiety attack, a possibly unhealthy relationship dynamic, mc's behavior is also very similar to ptsd.

♡ you know that so many people would go "i wish it were me" if you told them about everything that happened with you in this world called twisted wonderland. come on, you have a cute cat sidekick (who acts more like a gremlin), you get to see so many pretty boys every day and this world also has magic! why wouldn't you want to stay here? sure, you miss your family and friends, but also you have to agree that this world is more fun than the one you came from. you agree, right, y/n?.. you wish you could say that you do, but you're not so sure anymore. living in twisted wonderland sounds fun, it really does, but you never felt so stressed and anxious in your entire life. you wanted to help these boys, you wanted to understand them, but you didn't want to become their therapist. you have your own problems, you just want to go back home already, you miss your loved ones! and as you kept trying to help everyone and you saw just how dangerous their magic can be.. you started to get more and more scared of it.

♡ you don't want to go to nbc at all at first. you don't find it as exciting as others do and you agree only because crowley told you that you might find out how to go back to your world there. and you knew well that crowley is most likely lying to you again, but.. what's the point in refusing to go? if you agree to visit the city of flowers, you won't find any hints there, but if you stay here, you also won't find any hints. you're tired of your dorm and this school in general, so maybe going to a new place will make you feel better. also you just want to get a break from seeing crowley's face every day and you sure hope that you won't find another student to take care of there.

♡ when you meet rollo for the first time, he feels like someone who's completely different from nrc students. sure, you can definitely feel that there's something.. off about him at first, but he seems like such a polite and caring person that you stop thinking about it at some point. but rollo officially gains your trust when he says that it must be tiring for you to be surrounded by magic users all the time. you don't think anyone from nrc has ever said such a thing to you, you know that they care about you, but most of the time it felt like you were just being used and people rarely asked you about your own feelings. honestly, you feel like you're about to cry when you hear those words from him but you try to stay calm. it's probably not a good idea to tell him about everything that you had to go through, you literally just met him! and why did he just say that he wants you to forget about your problems while you're here? this.. this doesn't feel right. why is he so nice to you?

♡ you notice that even though rollo is mostly nice to everyone here, he definitely treats you better than other students. you don't know the reason, but you're not sure that you even want to know it. yes, you've been manipulated quite a lot of times in the past, but.. you don't really have any energy to try and "see right through him". even if he just wants to use you, for some reason you just can't bring yourself to care. it's probably because you find people being genuinely nice to you more surprising than people manipulating you. so for now.. you want to believe that he really is just that kind. you have some very nice and interesting conversations with him and you find yourself enjoying spending time with him like this. you don't even want to go back to nrc students, haha.. it was a joke, but for some reason your anxiety comes back when you see their faces again. hm? what did rollo say just now? it sounded a bit like "those magic users.." but why did he say it in such an angry tone?

♡ you really want to have fun at the festival, but you just.. can't. you feel too tired, everyone is so loud and noisy and you can't focus on anything. you want to dance with everyone as well, but for some reason, when you see them having fun together.. you remember all the overblots, you remember all the times you had to do crowley's job, you remember all the tragic backstories that you had to listen to. but before you can stop thinking about all that and join them even though you can't even stand properly.. the fireworks start. you know that malleus just wants to make the townspeople happy and you agree that they deserve to have the best festival ever, but also, everything is even more loud now because everyone decides to join malleus. they even manage to turn this into a competition. haha, nrc students never change, do they? you wish you could laugh about it, but for some reason you can't even smile right now. what is wrong with you? why are you feeling like this? shouldn't you find these fireworks as beautiful as everyone does? these boys are trying so hard, you should compliment them for their efforts! grim and malleus especially want to hear compliments from you, considering that they're the ones who started it, but you can't say anything nice to them right now.

♡ for some reason, it gets harder for you to breathe and your head starts spinning. it's probably because the noise is too overwhelming for you, you could try and go somewhere more quiet but you can't just leave them here! but why.. why is everything so scary right now? you're so mad at yourself for not feeling as happy as everyone else, but after everything that you had seen, it's impossible for you to see magic as something good. you can't focus on anything else right now and your mind is screaming at you, begging you to run away and hide somewhere, but you still sit there and watch everyone. but you didn't know that somebody else has been watching you all this time too.

♡ you find it strange that the only thing that you can hear clearly right now is rollo telling malleus that if he and other students are so powerful, then they should use their magic more carefully. you feel so shocked, you didn't expect someone like him to say such a thing. it would be normal for someone like trein to say it, he's your professor, of course he would be worried and he would tell everyone to be more careful with their magic. and you already had a feeling that rollo is a very responsible person so you weren't surprised when you noticed that he doesn't really like the fireworks, but for him to say something like this.. you can't help but agree with him.

♡ after he's done talking to malleus, he wants to make sure that you're okay and when he looks at you, it becomes obvious to him that you're not okay at all. he sincerely apologizes to you for letting something like this happen and says that he should have noticed that you're not doing so well. rollo helps you find a little more calm and quiet place even though that's pretty hard to do right now because of the festival, but to be honest, you feel more safe already because of him. while you're trying to calm down and you're starting to breathe normally, rollo suddenly asks you, don't you think that magic is too dangerous and people can't just use it as carelessly as those students did? you can easily hurt someone with it and not all magic users can control it, some of them don't even try, they don't care what happens to other people. maybe this world would be better without magic users.. no, it would totally be better without them.

♡ he wants to hear your answer and you don't know what to say. no, actually, you do know what you want to say, but you're not strong enough to do it. saying those words would feel like betraying everyone else, yes, you're terrified of magic, but you don't want all of your friends to disappear! "friends".. you don't know if you actually would call them friends if those magicians weren't your only company in this world. you try to say that magic is not that bad, but something stops you. you try to say those words, but you realize that you can't because that would be a lie. you have thought many, MANY times that everything would be so much better if magic didn't exist. it's not only because of overblots and other terrible things, it's also because you wouldn't come to this world if it wasn't for magic. this is why you still can't go back home.

♡ you still can't find the courage to say that you think rollo is right, so you end up crying and you keep saying how scared you are and how tired you are. you blame yourself for crying in front of him, because you don't want to make him worry about you, but also, finally letting your feelings out like this feels nice. you needed to cry, you needed to admit that you find this whole situation terrifying and that you want all of this to end. you don't notice rollo looking confused for a second, it's almost like he's not sure what he's supposed to do, but when you look up at him, he's already holding you in his arms. and you realize that you needed someone to hug you like this for a long time.

♡ when rollo tells you about his plan, at first you think that it's a bit too much. you agree that this world would be much better without magic, but taking their powers like this.. you ask rollo if they're really gonna be okay after that, especially the fae students. rollo simply says that you're too kind for villains like them and that you don't have to care about them this much, they don't deserve your sympathy. after everything you've done for them, they are the ones who should feel sorry and beg you to spare them. you still don't want to hurt them too badly, but also.. maybe you and rollo really should teach them a lesson. it's fine, they are gonna be fine, you're doing this to save them, it's not your revenge or anything like that.. at least that's what you want to think and rollo assures you that you two really are going to save them and that your intentions are pure. it feels weird to hear just how much rollo wants to change this world and that you two are the only ones who can truly understand each other even though he's still a magic user himself and you are a magicless human. him meeting a human, who hates magic as much as he does and you meeting a magic user, who is willing to make this scary and cruel world a better place for you.. haha, you two are basically soulmates.

[dwindlinghaze]

i literally love your remus lupin fics omgm if you haven't already can you write a fic with him and an anxious reader? it can be anything:)

hi anon !! tysm for requesting and sorry it took so long :( hope this is what you were looking for 🤍🌸🪽

unsteady

(remus lupin x reader)

contents : social anxiety (r is just like me fr), fluff, lmk if there's more !!

a/n : i tried my best to describe the feeling of anxiousness soo here goes!! hope u like it :)

　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

when your were assigned in a group project for potions, you couldn't help but feel the anxiousness creeping up.

not only were you assigned with the people you don't know, but also the fact that you had a hard time communicating with new people.

you loved being in your safe bubble but guessed the bubble popped and you have to deal with your social anxiety now.

they were all friends with each other except you. they blended together except you. it's not their fault though, you never spoke of anything yet. you felt sorry for being a burden for the group.

now they were in a deep discussion but all you wanted to do is hide.

there you felt like an island.

you wanted to go but you're fighting that right now. people freak you out.

"[y/n], what do you think about that?" a voice of a girl broke through your ears, once again popping your bubble of comfort zone.

you probably looked stupid right now. you haven't paid attention to what they're talking, they weren't telling you what either.

you panicked.

you should be cool but you panicked out of the blue.

she wasn't being rude. her voice was low and welcoming but your body was not responding well. "sorry, what was it?" your voice managed to escape shakily.

then she explains it to you again. you felt guilty for it.

it's so hard when it feels like your fault. you kept yourself so far.

one of the guys that were in your group glanced with an annoyed frown. "she isn't listening!"

your heartbeat raced, you felt so uneasy in this situation. words seemed to cut so much deeper right to the bone, and you let them break you down.

you hoped and hoped someone will pull you out right now. and thank god there is.

"don't talk like that," you heard a much more comforting sound and felt a hand on your back rubbing circles.

"wha-"

"how can she be listening to you if you were huddling in a circle and left her out?" remus said, shaking his head. he couldn't stand people treating you like this. he knew how it felt to be uninvolved and he wouldn't want you or anyone to ever feel that way. "not everyone can involve themselves when they aren't invited."

"rem i'm fine please."

"uh we can continue this tomorrow yeah... y/n i'll see you," the girl who asked you earlier said. she was the only polite one here. you were grateful for that.

now that they are gone, remus gave you a warm hug, whispering to you, "they're giving you a hard time?"

"no i'm just- i have a lot to talk about but i can't get them out," you sighed sadly, closing your eyes as remus hugged you again.

"i understand, darling," remus replied softly nudging your nose with his.

"thank you for saving me there, i was fighting myself for no reason," you said, ashamed.

"i'm always here for you yeah? i'm never letting anyone makes you feel unhappy."

[noroi1000]

Can I request for Nanami x reader x Gojo. It starts back in high school, Gojo was a 3rd year, Nanami 2nd year and the reader would be 1st year. The reader is shy and also has a bit of social anxiety btw and they were the first people to not make her anxious and feel comfortable around. They were all good friends until they realized they both liked her, by the time they realized they were an adult and the reader is in 3rd year, and would try to win her heart and they were rivals. You can decided how she ends up with both them. And In the end, In the the future it shows that they live together, I don’t know if the reader also works or she works at home since they’re both rich, you decided.

They don't change

Gojo x reader x Nanami

Summary: They've always competed for your attention. Until you were finally together.

Words: 1,1k



You walked over to the man standing with his back to you.

As your legs felt the light coolness of the floor, you focused more on the warm morning you got.

Your hands went up to hug him as he stood in front of the table, looking at the new newspaper along with a mug of bitter coffee in your hand.

"Good morning." he said. And you heard him set the cup down with a faint sound.

And then he lifted his hands up to look at your face that was on his side as you lunged at him.

"Good morning." You replied, letting go of him so he could turn to face you.

He reached for your face, moving a strand of hair to tuck it behind your ear. You smiled with slightly red cheeks.

These gestures, although so small, can very well make it speak to you.

You've always been shy. And silent. You don't spend much time with people and you're really not very extroverted. But that doesn't mean you act the same around them.

You're cuter with them than you think.

You are sweet and innocent.

They may think so because, for your safety, they have suggested that you not go on missions.

You're innocent, and you work from home.

You agreed to help them with non-blood related matters. Besides, you don't need three high-income people.

What you have is enough for you and still remains.

You haven't changed since you were in school.

Nanami hasn't changed either.

His behavior is the same. Always nice to you and caring.

"I will feel jealous..."

You turned your head to see a very tall figure standing two meters behind you.

You smiled slightly and let go of the blonde's body to catch the body of the white haired who entered the kitchen.

His long arms wrapped around you as he hugged you tightly.

Your fingers in his shirt as he lifted you up to hold you longer and tighter.

You felt Kento's eyes behind you. But you gave them time for hugs equal to each of them.

You always treated them equally.

Gojo didn't change either.

You've never seen him change once.

One thing also does not change.

That they don't stop competing for your attention.

For over 10 years, nothing has changed. They're constantly competing for your attention, even if you're both their girlfriend.

Even if they agreed to it, they continued to compete over who would be closer to you.

But you didn't mind.

Because as they competed, they showed you that they want to love.

It was the same then and it is the same now.

And it started innocently when you discovered that your two senpai are people who gave you peace and are your comfort.

For the quiet kohai who obeyed the elders when they knew what was better because they could teach you.

When you were in the first year, Nanami was in the second and Gojo in the third.

Which made you not see your white-haired senpai that often. However, you started seeing him more and more often when Yaga couldn't come and asked him to explain something to you.

You were a novice sorcerer, and he was already a full-fledged sorcerer.

He could teach you something if he was asked to.

Therefore, later you also went with him on missions where he promised to teach you something, because you can be an observer in his work.

And all he wanted was to spend time with you while he was at school.

You were so sweet and adorable.

You couldn't say Gojo hadn't noticed.

Because you were so cute and soft. His heart was melting.

And he got to know you more and more, giving him that weird feeling he got when you smiled sweetly at him.

A feeling that didn't change until later years.

You went on missions with Nanami. As his partner, because it was safer for you that way - with someone older and more knowledgeable than going alone and fighting. You were supposed to support him and learn something too.

But he mostly protected you and told you not to do anything you didn't want to do.

He protected you and he said he would protect you. And as you hugged him, he smiled and blushed slightly.

That's why you continued to go on missions with him, learning what was required of you. Learning to fight the curses that come your way. Along with your senpai, in the form of an observer or helper.

You were protected by them. And they also took you to interesting places, or gave you something.

Gojo-senpai often gave you gifts while Nanami was often at your disposal.

But already at that time they started to compete.

You didn't notice it right away, but it was.

And nothing has changed.

You noticed that they started to compete with each other the moment they both brought you presents.

Gojo who kept your favorite things for you when he was on a mission in another city, and Nanami who kept a bouquet of flowers for you.

The next day it was the other way around.

Nanami came to you first, giving you nice little things.

Later, Gojo came to you, giving you a bouquet of flowers.

When you walked the halls with it, they saw it. And their rivalry increased.

And so it went on and on. They invited you out, they brought you presents. They did everything for you.

You fell in love with both of them for how they care for you and give you what you can dream of.

You were in your third year when it was supposed to end.

They were both old enough to stop this childish game of competing for you. Gojo was 20 and Nanami was 19.

It was enough to stop playing like children.

Stop playing like children and start living normally. With the person they love.

Because when they both confessed their feelings to you, you had to calm them down when they started arguing.

And when they finally asked which one you choose, you said you couldn't choose between them because you love them both.

Then came the most wild and unbridled idea.

You will live together.

You will love them and they will love you.

Everything was fine.

There were some arguments because you lived with two men who were your romantic partners. And they had completely different personalities...

But they agreed on one thing.

They won't sleep in the same bed unless you're between them.

They won't take baths together unless you separate them.

And they also competed for your attention.

For your touch and for your love.

You always gave them the same.

But you know something for sure.

That they will never change. They will compete for your love and you will give it all to them.

[undiscovered-horizon]

Bestie- u didn’t just deliver u served and I’m the greedy gremlin who’s eating this up, that was amazing, he’s so skrunkly I love him 😔Ur gonna kill me here but bestie I need them to meet I can’t 😩

This is the effect of me doing sudokus and crosswords in the ethics lecture... Was listening to Jasmine Thompson's cover of 'Rather Be' while writing this and honestly?? A whole mood

Imagine the Riddler being your secret admirer. - Part 3

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 4] [Part 5]

That day felt weirdly long as if hours were stretching out as much as the universe would allow them to. You haven't felt that tired and fed up in quite a while, dreaming about the soft comfort of your own bed during your commute back home.

Home, however, had another surprise in store for you:

"Perfect timing, Eddie," you said to yourself as you tore the envelope off your front door. "Could use a little pick-me-up."

You opened the letter and couldn't help the surprise at the front of the card you were given. For some reason, it said "Invitation" in fancy, glittery writing. Inside, on the left side was another torn-out page from a poetry collection.

Underneath an apple-tree Sat a maiden and her lover; And the thoughts within her he Yearned, in silence, to discover.

Under the piece of a poem were written only two words: "Meet me". Your gaze followed the vague message to the right side of the card where a small map was drawn. It looked like a bird's view of a restaurant or a bar with a question mark drawn over one of the, as you had assumed, tables like the little map was the continuation of the unfinished sentence. On top of the drawing was scribbled an address, a date and an hour. You were supposed to meet him in a week's time.

From that moment on, you could hardly think about anything else and, little did you know, so did he. It was going to be a fateful Wednesday evening.

"That's the place," you whispered to yourself as you checked the GPS on your phone again.

You found yourself standing before a desolate diner that looked like it was taken straight out of Quentin Tarantino's movie. But you had to admit that the Pulp Fiction feel to the locale was charming in some way as if gracefully continuing your dilemma whether you were now the main character of a rom-com or a slash horror film.

"Here goes nothing," you said with a sigh. With each step towards the front door of the diner, your restlessness was only increasing.

The bell near the door chimed cheerfully as you hesitantly entered the building. At first, you couldn't see a soul inside - even the waitress was more of a cryptid as you could only hear her quiet chatter with the cooks coming from the kitchen. They left the door slightly ajar. According to the drawing, the marked table should be the one under the vintage-style graffiti with a pin-up girl holding a tray of apple pie. Your heart stopped for a moment, seeing that the booth was occupied.

Ever since he sat down in that booth, he'd been eyeing the door, waiting for the fateful moment you enter. The muffled laughter of the waitress rung in his ears and Eddie was half-convinced that she was laughing at him. After all, who was he to ever believe that you were actually going to show up? That you would be anything but disgusted with him?

He watched as you checked his little drawing once more. You turned your head towards him and Ed could swear the time actually slowed down if not entirely stopped when your gaze met his. The moment you realized that it was him, a bright smile appeared on your face, making Eddie's palms even sweatier than they already were. He just knew he was going to mess things up - there was no way in Hell that he could impress you. That much was obvious to Eddie.

You were just so... unreal to him. There he was: the loser, the loner, the butt of the joke and there were you, the epitome of grace approaching the table he was sitting at. He couldn't believe his own senses, some anxious beast still gnawing at his thoughts, that you didn't immediately turn around and left once you saw him.

"Hey," you said softly as you sat down across from him.

"H-hi," he nervously stuttered out.

Eddie looked more or less as you expected him to: a quiet, kind of awkward and easy-to-overlook guy who had no idea what he had gotten himself into. Your friends always found it very amusing that you had a thing for underdogs. No matter how strange it might sound to anyone else, you thought there was a certain charm to his awkwardness like an adorable deer caught in headlights.

"You have great taste." You waved the "invitation" card before putting it back into your purse.

"In what?" Eddie asked sheepishly. His mind was fluctuating between blankness and intrusive thoughts, so coherence and reason weren't something he could count on at the moment.

You shrugged. That bright, showstopping smile was still on your face and Eddie felt he wouldn't be able to look away from you even if he wanted to. "Poetry. Flowers," you counted. "Girls."

His chubby cheeks turned crimson red at your words. Your confidence made him even more aware of his incapacitating insecurity. Eddie believed his intrusive thoughts: there was nothing he could delight you with.

"I loved your riddles," you confessed. "You're really good at it."

A flutter of his heart and a ray of lovesick hope.

[nonexistent-introvert]

Back to December

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader

Word Count: 3.8k

Content: Angst, breakup, apologies, miscommunication, based off back to December

A/N: In honor of Speak Now Taylor Version!!! Been listening to her on repeat. Pls listen to the song while reading for the full effect.

  Javier should be happy, he had just taken down one of Cali’s godfathers, it was a dream for most DEA agents to do that. There was a celebration going on in the department for him and yet, he felt empty and anxious, the same kind of anxiety you get when you lose something close to you. He pushed his way through the crowd, stopping only briefly to force out a polite smile and shake some hands of the people who are congratulating him. Javier never liked the attention anyways, the congratulatory messages felt undeserving and insincere after hearing it for the umpteenth time. 

  “Start without me.” He replied to the various requests of wanting to toast him. Something was very wrong, he feels it in his gut. It was incredibly infuriating because Javier just can’t seem to pinpoint it 

   The epiphany hit him like a truck. Javier let out a shaky breath as he stepped on the accelerator in his car. A string of Spanish curses erupted from his lips, each one getting louder as he got more frustrated with himself. He couldn’t lose you. 

   Javier knew something was wrong the moment he stood outside his apartment. His gut telling him to just turn around and go enjoy his celebration, drowning himself in the alcohol before he could fully comprehend what has happened. Still, his determination to find out the truth was strong, giving him the courage to open the door even if he knew that he wouldn’t find you behind it. Javier strode through his small apartment, his heart sinking with every empty room. His eyes searching for you in desperation. Javier ran his hands through his hair, letting out another curse word in Spanish Your belongings that decorated his living space was long gone, the clothes that hung next to his were nowhere to be seen. Javier dragged himself to the comfort of his kitchen, needing the alcohol to numb the pain in his heart when he finally noticed the note with your handwriting, placed right next to the roses he had bought for you on his way home just a few days ago. 

   “I’m so sorry.” Three words and you were gone. Javier downed the alcohol in one go, letting the burn of the whiskey burn away the lump in his throat. His only comfort and reminder of you now were the roses in front of him, the only sign that being with you wasn’t all a figment of his imagination. 

  ======================================

I'm so glad you made time to see me

How's life? Tell me, how's your family?

I haven't seen them in a while

You've been good, busier than ever

We small talk, work and the weather

Your guard is up and I know why

You fidgeted with your hands anxiously as you waited for Javier’s arrival. You weren’t sure if he would even show up. So seeing his broad shoulders enter the bar made you sigh in relief. He was wearing a white button-up with a tie, having long abandoned the black outerwear. Javier gave you a nod of acknowledgment while you smiled at him, “You still drink whiskey neat right?” You asked, gesturing to the whiskey you had already bought for him. “Yeah, yeah I do.” He replied, giving you a smile back in return. The tension rose in the air as the both of you enjoyed the drinks. 

  It had been 2 years. 2 years since you left the 2-year relationship with nothing more than 3 words.  

   “Thanks for coming.” You began. “How’s life?” You continued with the most basic of conversations. Javier's eyes met yours, hurt clouding his vision. The both of you have drifted to the point of talking about the usual common conversation topics. He tore his eyes away from you. “And Chucho, he doing ok?” You questioned further, trying to stop the silence from settling in between the both of you. Javier shrugged, “He’s good. I-I haven’t been back lately.” He admitted with a grimace and from the look on his face, you knew Javier was cussing himself out for not going back to visit him. Javier always blamed himself. However, you didn’t feel like you were the right person to be offering him comfort. “Work has been a little overwhelming,” Javier confessed, taking another sip of his drink. “I saw.” You nodded, “Um- through the news and all.” You inhaled, you weren’t sure if Javier cared but you figured he had to know. “I’m proud of you, you’re really making a difference.” Javier's eyes shot up to meet yours before he let out a laugh, “Am I?” He asked incredulously. Javier tried to ignore the pain in his heart, he had lost you to pursue this change in the world, was it really worth it? Javier shook his head, turning his head to the crowd in the bar instead. You knew him well enough to know that he didn’t need any other comments, he didn’t want to continue this conversation about his contributions. 

   It was small talk and curt replies. You clenched your jaw to stifle the ache in your heart. It hurts, it made it hard to breathe. Javier used to look at you with adoration and a soft smile, now he was avoiding your eye contact despite you trying your best to hold onto him. It was the consequences of your actions after all, you had to face it one day or another, or you could let the guilt and the possibility of ‘what could have been’ haunt you for the rest of your life. 

  You never knew that Javier being on guard around you would hurt you this much. It was only now did you realize how much he had truly opened up to you then. How much he trusted you with his vulnerabilities only for you to take it all for granted. 

Because the last time you saw me

Is still burned in the back of your mind

You gave me roses and I left them there to die

  The pained look on his face every time he met eye contact with you was enough to break your heart. He furrowed his eyebrows and clenched his jaw before averting his gaze away from you, as though it physically hurts him to look at you. Like a moth to a flame, no matter how much it hurts, Javier couldn’t help the fact that his eyes. would always search for yours. The note next to the roses, he could remember it like it was yesterday. He has replayed that memory so many times till the point it had burned itself into the lining of his mind, trying to find out what had gone so wrong between the both of you. He was sure everything was well, he was sure he gave himself fully to you. The withered roses he had came back to after burying himself in work was another cruel reminder that his relationship with you had came to an end. 

==============

These days, I haven't been sleepin'

Stayin' up playin' back myself leavin'

When your birthday passed and I didn't call

  Javier Peña never left your thoughts. He rarely did when you were with him and he never did when you left him. There were fragments of him everywhere you went, especially when it reached his birthday month. The memory of you packing up, of you breaking down on his couch the very same night before you finally mustered the courage to leave and not turn back. It was a rash and impulsive decision but if you gave it any other extra thought you would not have committed to leaving. The worst part of it all? The relationship would have destroyed you no matter if you had chosen to leave or stay with Javier and you didn’t want to drag him down into the wreckage. The problem was you, you didn’t want to fight, you didn’t want it to end in an ugly fight, so you left. Or maybe you were just too afraid to open up and face Javier. The word ‘maybe’, was what kept you awake at night. You would stare at the calendar on your desk, the date marked with “Javi’s birthday” was like a stab to your chest. You should call, at least wish him, and hope he isn’t overworking himself and that he had all three meals. You fidgeted with the pen in your hand, trying to put yourself in Javier’s shoes. Ultimately, you would come to the conclusion that it was unfair to leave him, only to reappear in his life on his birthday showing concern for him. You swallowed, forcing yourself to scribble out that reminder on your calendar. You didn’t need it anymore. 

   On the other side of the earth, Javier's fingers hovered over your contact number in a payphone booth. Curls of his hair have fallen onto his forehead and stuck to it because of the sweat. He missed you so much, he just wanted to hear your voice. Especially when he had just dodged a bullet and barely made it back to Bogota alive. Javier needed you. 

   But he still forced himself out of the payphone booth. You must have left for a reason. 

Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times

I watched you laughin' from the passenger's side

And realized I loved you in the fall

  The most beautiful moments in your life were spent with Javier. It was hard forgetting such beauty. The times when he would drive you around his hometown, excitedly telling you all about his childhood and pointing out buildings. When his shoulders were less tensed and a smile graced his features easily in the comfort and safety of his hometown. When his laugh made your stomach fill with butterflies and your ears turn red. It was a simple memory but it carried so much beauty. That Javier was a different person compared to the Javier you see in Columbia. Maybe things would have turned out differently if he was always that Javier who was happy and not the version of him in Columbia who had a constant scowl on his face, a permanent wrinkle in between his eyebrows from frowning too much, and the asshole who pushed everyone away. 

   You loved it when the orange hues of autumn and the sunlight was paired together, highlighting his features, and making his smile even brighter than it already is. You preferred it more than a dim desk lamp that cast a shadow against his face as he worked tirelessly into the night. Sadly, that was the version of him you were more familiar with, the scene of him being overwhelmed with work was a more common sight than a smile on his face. 

And then the cold came, the dark days

When fear crept into my mind

You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye

   It felt like waking up from a dream when the both of you eventually returned to Columbia after Autumn. Chucho sent the both of you away reluctantly with various snacks he had bought from a local store. The keychain of a cow still hung from your home keys, a reminder of the ranch that Chucho owned, the ranch that Javier had grown up in. 

   During the winter, the nights were longer, making Javier’s absence even more apparent than it already is. You pulled another blanket over you, trying to fight the cold of the winter. Javier was always your personal heater, but he isn’t here with you. He rarely is. With nothing else to occupy yourself, you let yourself drown in your own thoughts. The overthinking induced fear, fear for your relationship with him. A fear that you didn’t even notice until it was too late, when it had already plagued your mind till it induced a ‘fight and flight’ response in your mind. Javier made promises, promises that you knew he tried his best to fulfill. Promises that he would spend all his time with you, preferably back in Laredo, and that he would leave this bloodbath known as the drug cartels. However, the cold only made the fear spread. The drug cartels were like the Hydra, slice its head off and another one grows back. The idea of Javier being able to leave this bloodbath seems like a fairytale. You only fear that the only way out would be at the cost of his life. 

     You knew, you knew that you were a weakness for him. Javier had admitted it to you before which is why he was very overprotective of you. If anyone came after you because of him, Javier would unleash all hell upon them. You too, wouldn’t forgive yourself if he had gotten hurt because of you. In his job, Javier couldn’t afford to have a weakness. 

    Javier had given all of himself to you. He needed you to know how much you meant to him, that he couldn’t live without you. This amount of love manifested itself as a weakness for him and you felt sorry that you didn’t have the capability to contain the love he had given you. It was the worst trade ever, all of his love only to receive a goodbye in return.

====== 

So this is me swallowin' my pride

Standin' in front of you sayin' I'm sorry for that night

And I go back to December all the time

It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you

Wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine

I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

I go back to December all the time

 You forced yourself to meet his eyes, those eyes that still made your knees weak. Your heart was pacing till the point that you could hear it thumping in your eardrums. You swallowed the pride that has stopped you from reaching out before, in fear of rejection. 

  “I really shouldn’t have done that. I'm sorry. I know I should have talked to you.” You paused, trying to find the words to convey your thoughts. You were never good with words. Javier downed his whiskey, staring down at the floor. Your fingernails dug into your skin at his indifferent reaction, you needed to go on despite how much it hurts to witness his reaction. 

   “I miss you Javi, I really do. If I could turn back time and make myself realize how much you truly mean to me I would. I would have chosen to stay.”

  “Then why didn’t you?” Javier coldly questioned. It was at times like this where he was thankful that he was trained to keep a poker face so that you couldn’t see how much his heart is burning for you. 

   “I was terrified of losing you. Both figuratively and literally.” Javier frowned further at that, his eyes shining with a glint of curiosity and confusion. You rubbed the back of your neck, unsure how to phrase it for him. 

   “Your job, it carries some risks that I understand but matters just kept getting more and more dangerous. I was afraid that one day you wouldn’t be able to walk through your apartment door again. I was terrified that you lose yourself to the job, letting the haunting scenes and guilt haunt you till the point where you were too far gone.” You explained to him. To put it simply, you were too afraid to carry his burdens with you, too afraid of having to bear the weight with him. You didn’t think you could handle it when the shine in his eyes one day dimmed till the point of no return and he looked at you with eyes with no soul behind them. Javier downed another glass of whiskey, letting it burn down his throat, similar to how his heart burns. 

   “But the time I spent with you. I will never regret it. I go back to those times every time, missing you and hoping to experience it again.” You admitted, trying to blink away the tears that has formed in your eyes. You prayed that Javier takes your watery eyes as a simple reflection of light. 

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile

So good to me, so right

    “I miss you Javier, I really do. I miss seeing the smile on your face everytime your eyes meet with mine, and your tan skin that contrasted your bright eyes, making your eyes shine even brighter.” Your ears burned at the admission, feeling like a teenager confessing to their crush again. Javier had always given his best to you, he had always tried to do right by you. You were just too blinded by fear then to notice the obvious. 

   “Was this why you were crying that day when I found you?” Javier questioned again, his mind swirling with questions for you. Deep down, a pang of guilt wrapped around his heart, he must have missed out on something or done something wrong. He messed up like he always did. The worst part of it all was that he never noticed. 

====== 

And how you held me in your arms that September night

The first time you ever saw me cry

   Javier’s heart shattered when he saw your tear-stricken face. You were curled up in a ball on the bed, your hand trying to wipe at the never-ending tears while your whole body shook uncontrollably. 

   “Cariño,” He called out, “What's wrong? What happened?” Javier asked, hurriedly walking towards you. You immediately stood up from the bed, your back facing him, trying to hide the tears. “Fine.” You managed to croak out. Javier slowly approached you, not wanting to scare you away. “Please talk to me.” He pleaded. You shook your head, “It’s stupid, just an emotional scene on TV”

   You turned around, facing him with a smile. His heart broke into a million pieces. He knew you were lying. You were smiling, the traces of the tears long gone. It terrified him how good you were at hiding your emotions. How many times have you simply just covered up those tears with the smile he loved so much and he just never noticed due to his exhaustion from work? Your eyes scanned him up and down before you fell into his embrace. Relieved to see him back in one piece. Javier was by your side again and that was all it matters.  The thoughts that haunted you when you were alone vanished when he was with you. 

   That was the first time Javier had seen you cry. His mind was in a complete mess as he embraced you against him. Disappointment tugged at his heart, did you not trust him? Why did you have to hide your emotions from him? “Tell me what was the reason for this?” His thumb caressed your cheeks which had been covered in tears just a moment ago. You snuggled into the crook of his neck. 

   “I’m fine Javi, just an emotional scene on TV.” 

   Javier dropped the subject after, trusting that you would talk to him when you felt better. And yet you never did. However, his workload made it easy to forget that he has yet to find out the reason behind his tears. He didn’t pursue it then, maybe things would have been different if he had. 

======

Maybe this is wishful thinkin'

Probably mindless dreamin'

But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right

   You nodded glumly to his question. “Fuck” Javier breathed out, downing yet another glass of whiskey. The urge to stop him from drinking, from intoxicating himself for the better of his health was there, but you knew you didn’t have the right to anymore. Honestly, you could use the alcohol courage too, you were just afraid that you may black out before you finish what had to be done. 

   “I-” You started but close your mouth again, picking your next words carefully. You met his eyes again, a small happiness in your heart when you felt your heart pace, even after all the time apart, he still had the same effect on you. Glad to know that your feelings for him weren't from the past memories but for Javier himself. 

   “This is wishful thinking.” You thought out loud. Javier's eyes widened at your words. “What is?” He asked, swirling the whiskey in his hands. The glimmer of hope ignited in his heart, despite everything you had done, he couldn’t help that his heart still yearns for your love.  You swallowed, taking a deep breath to calm your erratic heart. 

  “If you gave me a chance again, I’ll love you right this time.” The words were finally out. 

I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't

So if the chain is on your door, I understand

 His silence only made your nerves worse. “I really wish I could go back and change how things ended between us but I know you can’t” You continued, fidgeting uncontrollably under the table. 

When you met his eyes and saw the blank look on his face, your heart shattered into a million pieces. “I understand if you won’t. It’s ok.” You told him, forcing the lump in your throat back down. “I wanted to see you today to apologize, not to ask for a second chance anyways.” 

   “I’m so sorry,” Javier replied. Your heart combusted at his words, a ringing sound in your ears. It was the very same three words that you had told him when you left him. Now that you heard it for yourself, you finally realize that it hurts more than you had thought. You let out a laugh, feeling foolish to even think Javier would give you another chance. “I get it.” You grinned at him. 

   As much as Javier wanted to reach out to you and give you the chance to love him again. He couldn’t bring himself to know that he can’t give you what you want. That he can’t choose between you and the DEA. He couldn’t handle it if history was to repeat itself. He didn’t want to go through that pain again. He would rather feel lonely than compromise your safety and let you be his weakness again. 

  “Thank you for everything, Javier.” You smiled warmly at him, glad to finally lift the burden off your chest. Despite how your heart bled at the fact that the both of you were not going to be anything more. You deserved it. At least, you had the memories of your time together to accompany you. 

 But this is me swallowin' my pride

Standin' in front of you sayin' I'm sorry for that night

And I go back to December

It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you

Wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine

I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright

I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

I go back to December all the time

All the time

[skinnywalker]

Online (Aaron hotch x bau male reader) part 1

"He is skilled. Really, really skilled. Like world-wide criminal catcher skilled."

Hotch starred down at the green folder sitting patiencelly on his desk. It's side was clipped with the handsome face of it's personal, the newest bau team member. A 20 something professional who had taken down multiple dark web killers successfully.

"He seems promising."

Promising was an understatement but that was exactly how Hotch wanted to seem. Unimpressed. He knew how good someone so young had to be to gain a reputation in the FBI, Spencer was living proof, but he was different.

"Tell him to come in."

Hotch feels a slight pang in his stomach. He is anxious. He really can't figure out why. He's delt with insane murderers and pedophiles but the idea of a good-looking smart man in his office alone makes him clamy.

He enters with a knock and at once hotch knows why he felt scared. He's pretty in person. He looks like a painting of someone who you don't know but can't help but recognize. His eyes sprakle in the over head lights like stars in the winter. He runs his tongue over his lips to wet them and Hotch feels the air sucked right from his lungs.

It's like he's a teenager all over again.

"How has your first day been?"

It's a useless question but one Hotch has never asked. Something is making him act nicer. Warmer.

"I really like the team here. Everyone is so helpful and on task. You run them well."

Compliments don't get to Hotch yet he feels himself flush.

"Thank you. I do my best."

"I can tell."

God damn he was smooth. Hotch could feel the room getting smaller around him as he forced himself to keep eye contact.

"Garcia gave me a slight run down on your background but I want to hear from you."

"Oh well, want do you want to know?"

Everything.

"I want to know what you think your strengths are."

He chewed his lip thinking.

"Well you probably know about my time on the dark web but recently I've been doing integrations."

"Fo how long?"

"Almost a year?"

"Are you good at it?"

He smiled. Hotch shifted slightly in his chair. He wanted to see him in that smile and nothing else.

"Youre a professional, test me."

"Ok, tell me everything about me."

He cocks his head still smiling.

"You're strict but not out of nature rather you prefer complete order and the best way to keep it is to control your team and most importantly yourself. You love your people but you make yourself cold to them as a defense mechanism. You're divorced, a single parent of one young kid and judging from the crayons in your pencil mug they are an artist. You love them which is why they are never at your work and why you block off parts of your calender for their events. You hate the way people treat the younger generation which is why you made everyone called Dr. Reid Dr. Reid instead of Agent and most importantly you liked me from the moment you saw me which is why you haven't been taking notes despite the notepad in front of you."

Hotch holds eye contact with him unspeaking for several mintues before speaking.

"It seems you've already had much experience but you'll still be working with our teach runner Garica."

He smiles and gives his hand to shake. The room is silent till he leaves and Hotch is left standing alone. He's never met and agent like this and truth be told he for the first time is really nervous.

Nobody has read him that well on the first try.

[mediocre-quill-ink]

Pricks aren't just for plants

An: I needed a plant related sex joke. I'm sorry, that was the best I could come up with

Summary: Ralph is touch starved. After confessing his confusing and overwhelming needs, you help relieve the tension

Content: Ralph's first time, general smuttieness. Ending was a little rushed. No other warnings that I can think of

"Y/n?"

"Yes, Sweets?" I looked up to see Ralph, he was standing in the door frame fidgiting his hands, looking down. He seemed anxious, far more than usual. "Is everything alright?" He looked up at me before his eyes shooting back down to the floor. "Ralph would like t-to talk if that's alright." I set down my phone. "Of corse, honey. Sit down." I cooed. I felt alarmed. Ralph is a pretty anxious guy, more than most but I haven't seen him like this for a while. Something must be wrong.

He took a seat next to me, still fidgiting with his hands. "What's wrong?" I asked, tilting my head slightly. He seemed to tense at the question. "R-Ralph as been having some issues lately." He whispered, the faux lungs rising and falling in his plastic chest. My eye brows knit slightly. "What do you mean?" He quickly glanced around the room before continuing. "Ralph has been feeling..." his led swirled, seemingly trying to gather words before continuing, "uncomfortable, restless... empty?" I nodded softly, confusion continuing to manifest in me.

Now that I think about it for the past few weeks, Ralph has been acting stranger than usual. He's become more angry at the little things, minor inconveniences. He's also been, not strange, but... different when we're together. Longing stares, kisses made longer and longer, oftentimes when cuddling or watching TV together, he's been shifting around with discomfort a lot.

Oh my God

"Ralph, can you explain these feelings more to me?" I had a feeling i knew what was going on here, but i needed some clarification. He hesitated, his led swirling quickly, "at first, t-these feelings were more like background noise to Ralph, coming in here and there randomly. it was uncomfortable, but Ralph could handle it. But... the feelings kept growing more and more intense for him. And they wouldn't go away. They won't go away, and... Ralph doesn't know what to do." He finally made eye contact, he looked... desperate. I pressed my lips together and nodded, my heart thumped against my chest.

I felt bad for the guy, really I do but a part of me felt flattered.

"Do you know what triggers these emotions?" I whispered, I already had a feeling what he'd say, but a perverted part of me wanted to hear it. At that, Ralph tensed again. Thinking. Then, his Adam's Apple bobbed, "Ralph doesn't think you want to hear it." He shook his head in embarrassment. I carefully reached out to hold his hand. "Ralph, I need to know what triggers these emotions so I can help you." His shoulders rose in anxiety, trying to calm down. "These feelings get worse and worse when Ralph is around you. But- but it makes Ralph want to be around you more, and... Ralph is not sure why...." He looked down at his lap with shifting eyes, squeezing my hand.

I swallowed hard. My heart sunk at the pure confusion he showed. "Ralph?" I whispered quieter than before. "Yes?" He asked softly. "What do these emotions make you want?" His led began to spin between to yellow, a blue tent growing on his cheeks. "Ralph wants to feel..." There was a long pause, again trying to find the right words,"you." He finally confessed, a tense and breathy word. "Your warmth, softness. Cuddling won't help Ralph. No, that doesn't help. Cuddling doesn't help Ralph. Ralph doesn't know why..." Another one of his rants started. They happen when he's in distress.

I squeezed his hand, trying to snap him out of it. "Ralph." I urged softly. He had no reaction. "Ralph doesn't understand. Cuddling isn't helping Ralph. Why isn't it helping Ralph?" He continued. I slowly moved my other hand onto his cheek, fingers tapping him slightly. "Ralph. I think I know what's going on here. But I need you to listen to me, ok? I need you to talk." Slowly, his rant came to a stop, though now he was bouncing his leg very quickly.

"I just want to start by saying I appreciate you coming to me and talking to me about this. Thank you." He nodded, and I continued. "Ralph, I think what you're feeling is lust. Your longing for a deeper intimacy, right?" He nodded."Yes. I need it." He whispered. I took a moment to think before continuing.

I wanted to ease his pain. Clearly, this feeling has been bothering him for a long time, but if he could barely define the feeling, it feels a little wrong to have sex with him.

"Do you want to have sex with me?" I asked with caution, "yes. Yes, Ralph does." He began to nod with a sudden confidence, a definition to what he wanted. "Ralph. If you want... I can help. But if you feel uncomfortable or want me to stop at all, let me know, ok? Just tell me what to do. Do you want me to help you?" He nodded aggressively. "Yes. Yes, Ralph wants that."

I took a deep breath and finally begain. I leaned in to give him a soft kiss. Then another. Then another. He raised one of his hands to tangle into my hair. His grasp was soft, but I could feel him holding back a strength. He quickly began to deepen the kiss, making it last longer, then longer, then longer than that. My heart began to race, I removed my hand from the grasp of his and moved it up to caress his neck. The synthetic skin has always felt strange to me. So human but... not quite. It wasn't a feeling that I disliked, but the differences were there.

As our lips meshed together, his hands began to explore my body. He started with slow and curious movements, fingers gently making contact with the small of my back, under my shirt, then sliding up my spine. I hummed with delight at his curious actions.

Ralph kept trying to make each kiss last longer than the one before it until I couldn't breathe. He always chaced my lips as I pulled away. I realized he was starting to get carried away, so I began to plant kisses elsewhere. On his chin, across his jaw, down to his throat. His synthetic vocal cords vibrated against my lips when he finally let out a soft moan. "Do you like this?" I whispered, moving my hands slowly to his back. "Yes." He breathed. I planted another kiss on where the soft muscle would be. Then another. I finally opened my mouth and licked slowly. He let out another moan.

My hands trailed across his back, inching their way down until I reached his ass. I tried to get a full grasp but it's hard to when he's sitting down. "Ralph, can you lean into me really quick?" I breathed. He nodded, putting pressure on his feet just slightly enough for me to place my full hands on his behind. I quickly lifted Ralph from off the couch and planted him on my lap. The sudden movement alarmed Ralph, causing him to shout. "It's alright, Ralph," I whispered "I just needed to move you." I planted another kiss on his neck, now sucking gently at the fake skin.

I moved one of my hands to hook into the front of his pants, giving him time to tell me to stop if he needed to. Then I continued, slowly unbuttoned the material. He rubbed against me in response, letting out another whine. "There." He gasped. I looked up, he looked desperate. "Toutch Ralph there." I hurried unbottoning, and he lifted his hips off my lap, allowing me to pull them down. His cock quickly prung out of his pants, a sigh of relief imminated from his throat.

He was big. Nothing shocking, but he was just above average and had a nice curve. His tip was a swollen reddish purple color and shiny with precum. "Please." He whimpered. He looked like he was in pain. As much as I wanted to tease him more, this was clearly an issue that needed to be resolved now. "Please- touch Ralph. It hurts."

"Get ready, I'm gonna lift you again." I mumbled. I swiftly wrapped my arms around him and placed Ralph beneath me, I pressed his body against the cushions and ripped off his pants as quick as I could and finally strattled his waist, hovering my hips above Ralph. I sunk down his length, causing him to let out a sharp, almost pained gasp. I settled on his hips, our skin touching. "Are you alright, Ralph?" I asked softly.

His eyes were foggy as he rested his hands on my hips, I could feel him twitching inside of me. "R-ralph is fine." He gasped. Fuck, he really was toutch starved and clearly wasn't going to last long. I sat there, giving him a moment to adjust.

I took one of his hands resting on my hip and held it, intertwining my fingers with his. "You're vary warm." He trembled. "Yeah?" I ask, smiling. "Yes. Ralph likes it." I squeezed his hand, "Are you ready for me to start moving?" He nodded.

I began by rolling my hips against his, slowly, causing him to press his head against the pillow, shuttering. How long has he been desperately waiting for this? How long has he been sexuality frustrated and not knowing what to do? He was so sensitive. "Does that feel good?" I whispered, using one of my hands to slowly trail up his stomach. He nodded again, shuttered breaths, leaving his lips.

God he looked so cute. Whatever was on his mind beforehand was gone now, he was completely taken over by pleasure. I leaned down, pressing my chest against his as I left soft kisses across his throat. I could hear his cooling system at work, moters humming ever so slightly to heave the overheating air out of him. And his thirium pump hummed against my chest. His hand that rested on my hip made its way up my back as I continued to plant gentle kisses, his throat vibrating now and then with a pleased hum or whimper.

I began to lift my hips slowly before sinking down again, moving up and down his length carefully. He let out a shocked moan as I did so, I placed a final kiss before sitting up straight again, continuing this new pace. "How does that feel?" I whispered, taking hold of Ralph's hand again. He was squeezing it softly. "G-good." He choked. Whatever attempts he had at holding back moans began to crumble because he became a whimpering mess very quickly, lewd desperate sounds spilling from his lips. He was crumbling fast.

I picked up the pase

He made an almost sobbing sound. "Please." He whimpered. Led flickering yellow. "Yes?" I hummed. "R-ralph is getting..." He couldn't finish the sentence, another spill of soft moans leaving his lips. "Are you close?" He nodded again, pressing his lips together. I kept my pace, and his end neared quickly.

I could feel Ralph's thighs fleaxing beneath me, then the twitching inside me started again, then the warmth. Ralph choked out an almost pained sound as he reached his climax, using his free hand to press my hips against his.

"Are you alright, love?" I whispered, cupping his cheek. "Yes. Ralph feels good." I smiled, leaning down to give a soft kiss "good" I whispered against his lips, then pulled back. "Did this help your 'issue'?" "Yes, you helped Ralph a lot." I couldn't help but feel the smile growing ever so slightly. "Good."

[lucy90712]

Road to recovery- part 2

masterlist Lola's POV

It's been a long week waiting for my surgery as I haven't been able to do much as they don't want me to cause more damage by walking around too much. As someone who is always active and barely sits down this week has been hell but today has been the worst. Knowing that it is surgery day but having to wait sat in a hospital has been torture seeing everyone else get called while I just sit and wait has been awful. Until today I wasn't nervous about the surgery but the longer I've had to wait the more anxious I've become as there's a big risk I means the surgery could not go to plan and then I may never compete again and that's a scary thought. My life has been dedicated to sport even my degree is sport related as I wanted to have the knowledge that helps me understand my body better so if I can't do gymnastics again I don't know what I'll do with my life. 

Eventually I was called back and the nurses prepped me for surgery. I was given a gown to wear which they had to help me into as I can't put any weight on my left leg which makes changing difficult. They did some basic checks as well like measuring my heart rate and blood pressure before hooking me up to a few machines. Then it was time to go into the operating room which just felt so cold and clinical which I know it's supposed to be but it didn't help ease my feelings of anxiety that I was already feeling. Luckily someone then came in to give me the anaesthetic to put me to sleep which worked very quickly so before I knew it I was falling asleep. 

As my eyes opened and adjusted to the lights I noticed that they weren't as harsh as the ones in the operating room and the ceiling was different too. My brain was still slightly foggy but as I was coming to my senses I realised that I must be out of surgery which woke me up a little more and I finally looked down at my leg to see bandages where they had cut into my knee and a brace was already attached to my leg to limit its movement. Just as I was about to find the button to call a nurse one walked in and offered me a smile once she saw I was awake.

"How are you feeling Lola?" She asked 

"I'm ok did the surgery go well?" I asked 

"Yes it did we were able to repair your acl and the damage to your meniscus wasn't as bad as we feared so you didn't require any further work to fix that we are going to keep you over night just to monitor you and to start physio tomorrow morning" she explained 

"Thank you" I replied 

"Also I'm sorry that you are having to share this room but we are low on rooms and you two have the exact same injury so we thought it was best to put you together" she said

I was extremely confused until I looked to my right and saw a guy who looked weirdly familiar sat on his phone also with a brace on just his was on his right leg instead. I don't know how I didn't notice before as our beds are quite close together but I guess thats what anaesthesia does to you. Once the nurse left I turned my attention back to this random guy as I was curious as to who he was but he was yet to acknowledge my existence as he hadn't looked up from his phone. Seeing as he wasn't paying any attention I took my chance to study his face to see if I could work out where I recognised him from. I noticed that he looked to be about my age the the muscles in his arms told me that he was definitely an athlete too which only made me more curious. In my head I was trying to go through the sports where acl injures are common and the first sport that came to mind was football. With him looking my age and us being in Barcelona I assumed he was part of one of the youth teams but then I wondered why I recognised him as I'm really not that into football so I'd have no idea about any youth players. 

"Do you need something?" The guy asked coldly which made me realise I was still staring 

"Oh sorry I didn't mean to stare" I said

"Whatever" he scoffed going back to his phone again 

"Wait I um have to ask how did you end up here?" I asked 

"I was playing football and landed awkwardly on my knee" he explained 

"I'm sorry that sounds awful I hope this doesn't seem weird but I'm really not that into football but I recognise you from somewhere do you play for one of the Barcelona youth teams Barcelona atletic isn't it?" I asked 

"No I don't play for the B team I play for the first team" he said so nonchalantly like it meant nothing 

He had rendered me speechless with that. I simply couldn't think of anything else to say as my brain was preoccupied with freaking out over the fact that I was laying in a hospital bed in the same room as a Barcelona player. Football isn't my thing but that being said I know how hard those guys work and how crazy it is to find yourself in the situation I am right now. Once my brain had come to terms with the fact that I was next to an actual well known athlete I realised I still wasn't completely sure who he was so I found my phone amongst all my stuff and went straight to Instagram. I went onto Barcelona's account and the first thing I saw was a post with the guy sat right next to me. Gavi. That's who he is the big star boy of the team that's why I recognised him there was a time when he was all anyone talked about whether that was because of his footballing abilities or how attractive they thought he was. Of course I had to look at his Instagram and after scrolling through a few pictures I decided to follow him. It's not like I'm ever going to see him again after we leave this hospital plus he won't even notice he already has millions of followers. 

What a day. No one is going to believe me when I try and tell them that I spent my time in hospital with Gavi and honestly I wouldn't believe me either but here we are. Good thing he doesn't seem to want to talk to anyone as I don't know if I could hold a conversation with him for more than a few seconds now I know who he is.