#like it becomes incredibly obvious when the same people who claim not liking female characters

[redysetdare]

I always find it interesting that homosexual coded main characters don't really get shipped with every single side character of the opposite gender. And people get told off for shipping lesbian coded characters with men or gay coded characters with women by the rest of the fandom. But it's always aroace coded main characters getting shipped with every single side character that exists. And aroace fans getting told to "not generalise the entire aspec community" and "let people ship whomever they want!! It's just fiction!!!" as if we don't deserve to see characters living happy lives not being in relationships. And my biggest pet peeve is the trope of an aroace coded character "growing up and maturing" by... getting in a romantic/sexual relationship. Really shows what these people think about non-partnering aspec people irl. It's not just about fictional characters but they'll never admit it 🤷

I will say that there are some idiots out there who do ship gay characters with the opposite sex because they believe in people being able to ship whatever they want (which can lead to some disturbing places but I digress) But those kinds of ships do get a lot more push back and the same people who get after people for changing characters from gay to straight do not have the same energy when it happens to aro /aroace characters.

These same people are the ones calling for representation and how we treat characters identities in fiction does reflect how we view those identities in the real world EXCEPT when it comes to aspec characters. Suddenly then it's "fiction doesn't effect reality!!!" there's some double standards happening and it's beyond frustrating that no one seems to even notice and get mad at us for pointing it out.

Not to mention it's incredibly funny to hear them cry "Don't generalize the community" while they generalize the community by acting like every aro/ace/aroace person can date and have sex - which like you said ignored the existence of non-partnering identities and I'd like to add it also erases repulsed identities.

None of these people actually care about the aspecs who date or have sex. they don't actually care how those identities work or those experiences at all. they're using them as a get out of jail free card. a loop hole. a "I can't be homophobic because I have a gay best friend" card. They don't care about QPRs and how those relationships can be experience in wildly different ways. All they care about is if they get to have two characters kiss without having to genuinely look at themselves and their biases and possibly have the revelation that they might hold bigoted beliefs about aspec people.

And at this point I'd rather them admit that they don't actually care about aspec identities or experiences instead of tying themselves into knots to try and prove "I'm not aphobic!!!!" because they actively tried to find a loop hole to make it so that they could feel superior and in the right for being able to erase an entire identity of people.

[dealwithwarlords]

Ikemen Vampire and their Godly parents

Inspired by Percy Jackson.

Mozart: Apollo

Son of the God of light, of sun, of music, of truth, of poetry, and arts. May not be a leader but set trends. I will start with the most obvious fact and that is Mozart’s talent for music, as all of us know Apollo’s children are exceptional for the arts in general. Mozart is not someone that tends to laugh frequently but as a good children of Apollo, you can hear the sound of what it could be beautiful Bells when he does, and a smile as warm as the sun. Because of his prolonged time on practicing he sometimes has little to none sunlight, that makes him really moody (more than he already is) so taking some walks or playing with Schelm in the garden are necessary for his health even if he claims to not need it.

Not all of Apollo’s children are blond, some of them have physical traits that are related to the sun such as freckles, warm skin subtones, and even if their hair is black if you see it in the sun light you can see a golden or brownish reflection on their hair, in Mozart’s case if we see carefully there’s also warm subtones such as beige, and pink :

While other white haired characters have cold undertones like blue:

Because of Mozart’s incredible fair skin it’s easy for him to get freckles. Apollo’s children are lie detectors, as they say, you cannot cover the sun with your thumb, Mozart knows from miles away when someone is lying.

Apollo’s children are scary when they get mad, be aware of what they could do when they lose control, just like Mozart, it may seem like he’s always angry but he actually isn’t, when he’s angry you will know.

Apollo’s kids are naturally over dramatic, they turn everything into inspiration for music, plays, etc. remember that time when Mozart said that dry things like cookies are his “worst enemy”? Just because Marie Antoinette gave him a bunch of them, he didn’t know what to do and decided it was a good idea to stuff everything in his mouth...

To what MC finished laughing because ... bruh 😂

Isaac: Athena

Goddess of wisdom, handicraft, knowledge and warfare. Children of Athena are gifted with a sharp and brilliant mind. Do I have to say more ? Isaac is a genius, he has an incredible hunger for knowledge, and curiosity that makes him discover the most incredible things in this world. Children of Athena enjoy reading a good book and most of the time you can see them lost in their thoughts.

We know that Athena’s children can be street smart and book smart, the majority likes to be street smart since they already have a facility to keep info from books, but in the case of our apple boy he’s chosen to be book smart, this kind of children tend to have difficulties to relate to others and create deep bonds since their brilliant minds make them feel detached from the world that surrounds them.

Napoleon : Zeus

Charismatic

Natural leaders

Children of Zeus are the leaders struggling with the pressure of being leaders. Since they are such a reliable people, their friends usually seek for them when they need help, maybe they are not as wise as a child of Athena, but their empathy makes them good advisers too. They’re strong and resilient.

Serious but yet humorous

Assertive

Children of Zeus are prideful, they like to tease others but when the tables turn they don’t really know how to react (not like they are doormats but more like in a teasing way something like pikachu face: “you ... you just teased the son of the lightening.. right in front of my salad” that kind of reaction. It’s actually kind of cute 😂

They can be flighty or warm, depends of the person they are dealing with and their mood.

Physically traits could be grey, blue or in some cases green eyes. Children of Zeus usually have gray hairs since a young age.

Arthur: Dionysus

God of wine, madness, ecstasy and theatre

Children of Dionysus are sociable, charismatic and the life of the party. The ones with all the connections. They’re the friend that everyone references when they say ‘I know a guy’ and we all know that Arthur knows or at least recognizes a lot of faces in Paris.

Children of Dionysus are not only party people, they are really clever too, people usually don’t give them credit for how smart they really are, but they prefer to keep that intelligence hidden ‘cause they don’t want to intimidate anyone, after all the party needs to continue !

They are the ones you can always count on to have a good time. The best telling jokes and reading the atmosphere of a room. they are the ones you call when you’re upset and just want to forget about reality for a night.

Stubborn, determined and chaotic nature.

Most of Dionysus children are empaths, that’s how they can feel the mood so well and make everyone have a good time, nevertheless if they don’t have a control over this ability it can be bad for their health, appropriating other people's problems or feeling guilty if they cannot help their friends as a good “host” would do.

Another thing, Arthur really seems to enjoy alcoholic beverages such as beer, wine, etc. besides coffee.

Talking about physical traits Dionysus children rock semi long hair, this chill and laid back appearance is the signature of the god of party and wine. Even when they wear formal clothes you can see this relaxed look on them.

I remember one time I read a post where it said that Dionysus children often have the nicest shoes in the room (idk why? 😂) BUT DUDE that’s true, there was also other post where you guys were talking about who had the best taste in shoes and guess who was one of the best fashionistas 👌👌😂

Also, olive undertones, in hair, skin, etc. if we see Arthur’s hair for example, sometimes it doesn’t appear to be entirely blue, it also has olive undertones:

Jean: Hades

God of the underworld

Talking about children of hades we can see that they are not only the “quiet ones” but also people with a sharp intuition. They observe everything and everyone, quietly. Tend to hold grudges and feel out of place, they stay a lot of time inside their heads and because of this children of hades usually have a hard time finding their “meaning in life” or “their place in this world”. Since they are deep they have a difficult time relating to others, meanwhile everyone is talking about the trends of the year, children of Hades are in other Chanel .

They like to be by their own, or maybe with someone that actually understands them.

I think most of the time people only focus on their “dark personality” and forget to appreciate other traits like the incredible willpower that they have to achieve anything that attracts their attention.

Physically talking, as we all know, children of Hades have dark tones in their hair, eyes and skin tone. There’s something cold in their appearance that makes them look intimidating and mysterious

Vincent : Apollo

Do I really need to explain this one ? 😂😂

I will just cover some facts that relate to Apollo’s children since Vincent is like the PERFECT example of what is being an Apollo’s child.

I think Vincent has a BIG potential to learn any instrument that he likes, also archery but I doubt it since he wouldn’t like to hurt anyone.

Is easy for Children of Apollo to tan, just imagine our angel with a beautiful sexy tan 🙌🏻😫✨

EMBODIMENT OF LIGHT

also, Apollo’s children are healers, and Vincent wants not only to help but if possible heal everyone’s suffer, as we can see in his route, he wants to help MC with her anxiety to return to her time nevertheless he’s never too pushy and waits until MC feels prepared to open up to him.

Apollo’s children are people pleasers, in a mini drama, Vicent tells Leonardo that if there was a girl in the mansion he wouldn’t know how to behave, since he only wants to give a good impression.

Leonardo : Hephaestus

Children of Hephaestus , Their minds are constantly working on something and their ideas running wild.

They have SO many ideas that they have dozens of project running AT THE SAME TIME, they can even compete with children of Athena.

Some of this children may not be geniuses but out of their curiosity and hunger for knowledge is because they can become worthy opponents to the other god or goddesses children.

Masters on none, but master of many.

They also got that freaking cheeky smile of their father.

Intelligent, good looking and good jokes.

Physically talking children of Hephaestus have strength in their upper body, just like their father, they have enough strength in their hands, arms and back to carry or forge any metal and turn it into a weapon (or any creation but you get me) what usually makes them have (on males) big shoulders or backs and in females, they have shorter but stronger fingers.

Comte : Aphrodite

Who was the one that fell in love in the middle of war ????

YUP this guy ☝️

Children of Aphrodite are hopeless romantic, they find beauty and love in the darkest places and times. They are the ones that you go for advice (not the kind of advice you would go to Athena, but one that helps your heart to find a solution).

They like luxury and aesthetic stuff, Comte with all the money that he has could be living his life like Leo, relaxing, giving little attention to appearances, etc. BUT NO

DADDY COMTE NEEDS TO WEAR HIS DIOR PAJAMAS AND RELAX IN A ROMAN BATH THANK YOU. It’s not like he’s superficial, but he just likes to pamper himself.

Children of Aphrodite have charm speak, Idk you but every time Comte speaks is like velvet for my ears. Most of the time people only see Aphrodite’s children as superficial, not so intelligent and unnecessary at battle but they are dead wrong, actually they are really observant and can be manipulative since they understand and almost feel others people emotions and intentions.

Even though their mother is the Goddess of Love, they can hide their emotions pretty well

It is known that Aphrodite’s children can speak fluently French and Oh look at that Comte is French, coincidence ? I DONT THINK SO.

Theo: Ares

God of war

Children of Ares are topically seen as this really short-tempered guy /girl but there’s more about them. I’m gonna start with the basic personality traits, Children of Ares are stubborn as hell, does it reminds you of Theo ? 😅 they are also really protective of those they love, it may not appear like it but they don’t like injustice, so when they see someone that’s being a jerk they fight with everything they got, sometimes they exaggerate tho.

HATES GOSSIP they like to say thing straight to the point and don’t have filter, sometimes they may seem rude but they are just saying the truth

Doesn’t take shit from anyone

Determinant and never gives up, they also give (its rare but they do) advices when they see you really struggling with something, an example of this could be when (in Leo’s route) MC had a hard time deciding what to choose between staying in 19th century France or coming back to her time with Leo, to what Theo noticed her struggling and gave her a brief but nice advice.

HARD ON THE OUTSIDE SOFT ON THE INSIDE

Children of Ares are aware that they intimidate their siblings, that’s why they become silent and prefer to stay in their cabin, but if you want them to open up to you, a nice smile and kind personality would be a great combo to go with them.

Children of Ares are really intelligent, after all their father is also a strategist.

Shakespeare: Hades

Again ... do I have to explain this one ? 😂

Shakespeare is deep af. Children of Hades see the deepest and darkest things in life, that’s why they tend to feel depressed, but because of that they also can see the brightest parts. This contrast usually is embodied in an artistic way, it may be in plays, dancing, singing, stories, etc.

The goth friend

Children of Hades are one of the kindest siblings among all God and Goddesses out there since they know what loneliness feels like.

guess who feels like that ? YUP Will does

they like to be alone but not lonely.

Dazai: Dionysus

Dionysus was known to be a Reckless, crazy god that resembled freedom and fun. Children of Dionysus are usually found smiling for ... no specific reason, some could say is even scary or suspicious, like if they were drunk 😅.

Dionysus has parties where everyone dances and can fall into madness and ecstasy. Dazai is a sensual man, he has this aura that is just so appealing and comfortable to be with, but he is still a mystery, just like his father. Dyonisus was a god that usually doesn’t get in other’s people problems but it is known that he has a lot of powers, and the majority remains a mystery to humans.

Dazai is someone that craves to feel and be loved, but is scared to be rejected for who he really is, instead of that he prefers to show the “clown facade” that everyone likes, after all is easier to have “company” in a party full of people that you don’t know but they don’t really care about you than opening up to someone and being vulnerable.

People usually describe children of Dionysus as “crazy”

They are normally underestimated, but they have an incredible ability for the arts, they create the most crazy yet deep monologues.

These people tend to get obsessed over things they like, this is somewhat bad for them since they can get addicted to things like alcohol, tobacco, etc.

Talking about physical traits, Dazai is like the perfect definition of a Dionysus child, chill appearance, medium long hair, PURPLE HAIR, likes (maybe a little too much) alcohol, smooth voice.

Sebastian : Demeter

Goddess of agriculture, fertility, nature, and seasons.

Children of Deméter have this motherly figure in their group of friends.

Natural protectors.

Great cooks

They can be really strict at scolding their friends, family etc. but they just want the best for their loved ones.

Children of Deméter aren’t really aggressive, but don’t get in their wrong side which would be trying to hurt their family, because they go havoc.

They have an amazing intuition, just like a good mother.

Their personalities are calm and collected, they may panic on the inside when something bad happens but never let it show.

Deméter children are so aware of the details they are the ones that give the best gifts since they know deeply their loved ones, what they like and what they don’t, again, like a good mother.

Faust: Hecate

Goddess of magic, witchcraft, ghosts, necromancy and crossroads.

Children of Hecate are really intelligent and have an amazing memory, after all they have to memorize dozens of spells.

They usually have lots of books, since they have to know the functionality and sources of the magic they are using.

CU RI O US

They may appear frightening since they face and aesthetic aren’t really welcoming sometimes, but they are actually pretty nice.

SNAKE PERSONALITY

cunning and ambitious

Children of Hecate know how to handle necromancy, which makes them closer to death, that’s why talking about this kind of topics doesn’t scare them.

Children of Hecate can be obsessive, they can stay all day and all night practicing their witchcraft, PLS SOMEONE TAKE THEM OUT OF THEIR ROOM.

They have a different type of aesthetic, maybe is not totally GOTH but there’s something religious or spiritual there, they believe that there is a superior power in the world.

Incredibly good teachers. They may not be as charismatic as Apollo kids, but they are patient and good listeners.

Calm but can be sadists too so be careful.

Vlad : Nemesis

Children of Nemesis, as their mother, tend to hold grudges and is really difficult for them to forget those who wrong them.

They can go ExTrEMe lengths in their revenge, elaborate plans that doesn’t matter how much time they take, they will do it.

Maybe scarier than Children of Ares.

Yandere personality who ?

They are really observant and intelligent, they have the ability to find Achilles ankle of any of their enemies.

Manipulative, that gives them the ability to awake rage on the ones they want like allies.

Curiously children of Nemesis have a strong sense of justice and balance, and they will do anything to carry on with their ideals, even if that means taking extreme measures.

Physically talking there’s always red on them, and I’m talking about red hair, liking for red color, and oh ! Look at that, who has red eyes ??

Charles : Tyche

Goddess of chance, fate and fortune.

I really had a hard time deciding for this one, and I don’t know a lot about him but from what I’ve seen I can say he’s a Tyche’s child.

Children of Tyche are extremely friendly and enthusiastic.

J O K E S

very hyperactive

Smarter than they look, observant and empaths, also they like to prank people like a pixie would do.

Pretty smiles, and they giggle like a lot.

Usually green eyes.

Obviously they like to gamble or if the other participants doesn’t like to, Children of Tyche conform with just playing

They love nature and animals.

A kid in an adult body

Don’t let their cute smiles, dimples or freckles fool you, they can be manipulative.

Idk why but I imagine Tyche kids with fairy like features, maybe that’s why lots of them have a short height.

[drwcn]

... You know, I was just thinking about Hua Mulan ChengQing AU. Hahah, ha. This movie is SOMETHING. Handkerchiefs are necessary.

oh I HEARD? but idk if i wanna see it. I’ve seen other things Liu Yifei (Mulan) was in and i don’t really like her? 

NOTE: OKAY so there were some confusion!!! Before ppl get offended, anon and I are taking about two different movies. The one that anon is saying is good is Mulan (2009) an original Chinese movie BC I had been asking ppl where to watch it and received many inbox msgs about it. The Disney film is what I won't be watching for so many reasons, including bc I know the actress's work and is just unimpressed by her in general on top of all the other reasons.

Oh boy, but like...what IF it’s reverse!Mulan, aka matriarchal society. Where Jiang Cheng is the “sneak into the army for my family c”!Mulan and Wen Qing is the “I wanted to be a doctor but then the Fire Nation exploded in on itself”!Shang. And I worldbuilded for no reason...

tw: minor character death (suicide). un-beta-ed, unedited, unproof-read, we die like nmj

WEN QING

Wen Ruohan was never supposed to be the Emperor, Wen Qing’s mother once told her, but the imperial court had allowed him to inherit because his late Empress Mother had no daughters to inherit the throne. As long as WRH promised to father daughters and pass on through them, then the Wen dynasty legacy would be preserved. 

“What did his wife say, that her children must take his last name?” Wen Qing had asked her mother, wide eyed and curious. Her mother had shrugged and said, “Well some women don’t mind, I guess, especially if it meant her children would be heiress of the throne.” 

Wen Qing had frowned at that. What’s so bad about children taking their father’s name, she wondered. Men may not be allowed the same liberties as women, may not attend public school or join the army or hold court with the Empress, but they were still children’s parents. Not all women agreed on this of course, but that was the way of their world. 

Her father died of consumption some years after Wen Ning was born, but Mother never took a second husband or a concubine. Wen Qing liked that about her mother. Brave, loyal, true. 

Wen Qing’s mother, Dafan-junwang, a distant relation to the throne, was a renowned marshal, hailing from a proud line of generals and marshals, trusted by the Wen imperial family as protectors of the realm, without fear of usurpation. The people whispered that Wen Qing had much to live up to, if she were to inherit her mother’s duchy and hold a command of her own. 

Wen Qing never had much interest in war or martial arts, but she learned, trained, practiced and perfected her skills because she could never bear the thought of letting her mother down. In her heart (and in her free time), she learned the science and art known by father. He was a quiet man, a physician (quite skilled too), before he married her mother. He wasn’t what her grandparents would have wanted for their daughter, but Mother had been adamant. 

Wen Qing’s mother hadn’t been good at expressing her love, but she did love her husband. Very much. Mother was only ever soft around Father, and Wen Qing only knew this because she’d seen them hold hands when they thought no one was watching. 

Wen Ning, being the son of a wealthy aristocratic family, was destined to marry well when he came of age. Unlike girls, boys weren’t allowed to attend publicly funded scholarly schools or martial academies. Wealthy and noble families however were able to afford private tutors for their sons, so that they would know the four arts (play the qin, weiqi, literature, and art) and be elegant, competent husbands for their wives. If Wen Ning was competent enough, charming enough, and gave his wife daughters (because everyone knew it’s the men who control the sex of the baby), then she would be faithful to him -> at least that’s what their nanny said. 

“How did they know, that men determined the sex of the baby?” Wen Qing asked her mother one evening when she turned thirteen and was given The Talk. 

Her mother tilted her head and said as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. “My dear, women are the earth, we grow and birth life. Men are like the seeds. If you plant an apricot tree, the earth will nourish it and let it flourish, but the fruit will always be apricots, you will never have peaches.” 

Once, Wen Qing had asked her mother if she could be a physician instead, if Wen Ning could take her place as general. Her mother had given her a very stern look and said, “No only is your brother of a sickly disposition, but you are my daughter. The duchy and my command can only be inherited by you. For your country, you do not have a choice.” 

Wen Qing conceded, because she was good.

The days dragged on, and slowly it was becoming clear Wen Ruohan would have no daughters. Not only so, the sons he fathered were ill-mannered and haughty, unfit to rule. Wen Ruohan’s mind, too, was slowly leaving him, due to unknown reasons. The ministers of the court and notabilities of the peerage urged Wen Ruohan to take on the daughter of his cousin born of his maternal aunt, and to groom her as heir. This brought on much discontent from Wen Roohan’s two princes, who aligned themselves with lurking enemies from the north, and before anyone could mitigate the situation, the country was thrust into a full blown civil war. 

Every bit her mother’s daughter, Wen Qing did not hesitate to mount her horse and ride off into battle. She had her duties and she would serve until her death. 

Jiang Wanyin had a very pretty face - she would reflect in retrospect. Perhaps that was why she believed him when he showed up at her camp with a conscription missive claiming to be his older sister Jiang Yanli. 

JIANG CHENG

The Jiang family was a wealthy merchant family situated southeast of the capital, in the province of Yunmeng. The current head of family is Jiang Ziyuan, known for her sharp business mind and sharp ways with her sword.  

(the only reason i’m switching Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan’s last name is because it’s a matriarchal society, and Yu Cheng and Yu Yanli sounds way too awful as names, but Yu Fengmian and Jiang Ziyuan are actually not bad.) 

There was a rumour that her husband Yu Fengmian of a Meishan Yu clan, had betrayed her with a wandering traveler from the pugilist world named Cangse...something something, and that he had fathered a son with her out of wedlock. If it were true, then by the conventions of the land, Jiang Ziyuan would have every legal right to divorce Yu Fengmian and send him back to his family to live out the rest of his days in seclusion, shame and repentance. 

But when Yu Fengmian came to her with the little Wei Ying, freshly orphaned, Yu Ziyuan turned the boy this way and that, examined him for “abnormalities” and nodded. Then she summoned her son, and said to him, “Our manor purchased  some new indentured servants. This boys is yours from now on, he is your responsibility. Keep him in line, find some uses for him, or get rid of him.” 

Jiang Cheng looked to his big sister, but his sister just shook her head. Not quite understanding what was happening, or why his father was bowed down on the floor, Jiang Cheng took his new “servant” and left. 

Watching them go, Jiang Yanli then turned to her mother and said, “Muqin, if I may be so bold, I have an idea.” 

Jiang Yanli was not the heiress that Jiang Ziyuan had hoped for. Though incredibly intelligent, Jiang Yanli was of poor health and not suited for martial training. Jiang Ziyuan had been quite troubled by this for some time, fearing others would cause trouble once Jiang Yanli inherits. However, she was also hesitant to train her son Jiang Cheng, even though he showed both interest and aptitude. It was not often that well to do families would want to take on a too “rambunctious” boy as groom for their daughters. Yet to leave Jiang Yanli without close protection... 

“Are you thinking that boy...” 

Jiang Yanli nodded. “Father denies being Wei Ying’s paternal parent, but surely tongues will waggle regardless. Mother, you are within your right to dismiss father, but he is still my father, and if not for me, think of A-Cheng. One day he will marry, and what family would want a son with a disgraced sire. Wei Ying looks healthy and strong; as I am unfortunately unable to train with the sword, mother may yet train him. Surely you’re not worried about his future marriage prospects. Perhaps it is better yet that he never marries, for he will remain close to Lotus Pier and serve at my side.” 

Jiang Ziyuan listened to Jiang Yanli’s words and decided that her daughter made very valid points. Her relationship with her husband could never be repaired but she had her children’s future to consider. 

And yet happiness would not last for long. Two months after Jiang Yanli’s sixteenth’s birthday, she received news that her mother’s private boat, which she used to inspect her properties, had capsized in a terrible monsoon storm, killing everyone on board.  

After the news reached Lotus Pier, Yu Fengmian took his own life in the dead of night, leaving a letter stating that he had owed Jiang Ziyuan too much to repay, that though Wei Ying was not his son, he had kept secrets from her that he swore he would not reveal in this life. Now that she’s gone, he would keep her company in her journey to the beyond. 

The Jiangs mourned, but they survived.

Then when the boys turned seventeen, war broke out over the lands, and the conscription missives arrived demanding one female from every household. Jiang Cheng panicked. Wei Wuxian had been sent to Gusu on business and would not return for some time. The military missive was time sensitive, so Jiang Cheng didn’t have another choice...besides it’s not like A-Jie’s matchmaking attempts for him had been all that successful...he was next to blacklisted anyway after his last debacle with the Qin girl. 

Jiang Cheng decided that he could pass as a woman if he dressed properly and redid his hair, but his voice...he'd just have to pretend he could not speak. That way, no one would know. 

WQ: “Who are you?” 

JC *hands her his letter* 

WQ: “Jiang Yanli? The Yunmeng Jiangs? Of Lotus Pier?” 

JC: *nods*

Her subordinate, “I didn’t know Jiang Ziyuan’s daughter was mute, they only said she was of poor health.” 

-

Luo “Mianmian” Qingyang finds out first. 

Mianmian: *GASP and points* You’re a man! 

JC: *covers his body* SHH!!! Turn around! Don’t look at me! *turns to look away*

Mianmian: *naked by the river ready for a bath but too shocked to move* but, but, but, how?? How did we not know????

JC: Mianmian - no- Lt. Luo, please don’t tell the Young Marshal! Please, I only came so my sister wouldn’t have to -

MM: Cowardice! It is every woman’s sworn duty to - 

JC: My sister is of very delicate health. She won’t survive! She’s my late mother’s only daughter, if she dies... I’m expendable. I don’t mind being cannon fodder, please don’t report me. 

-

JC shivering in the snow. “You said you trust Yanli! Why should Wanyin be any different?!” 

WQ stood impassively over him with a sword at his neck. Then, she closed her eyes and turned away. “A life for a life. My debt is paid.” 

---

JYL: *Proud* “A-Cheng helped secure the future of our nation. The adopted young crown princess was too young to rule without a loyal regent, and Wen Ruohan’s sons colluded with outside forces...it would have been chaos. Millions would have died.” 

WWX *teasing* “Sure he brought home a sword, if you ask me he should’ve brought home a wife!”

---

JC, “W-would you like to stay for dinner - ” 

WWX: WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER? 

JC: Wei Wuxian! She’s regent now, be respectful!” 

WQ: Dinner...sounds lovely. 

[ouranor]

I saw your latest hanyo no yashahime post because I followed the tag and I have to say as a victim of grooming myself, I would rather be aggressive towards the adult Sessrin shippers,I do think some of them have pedophillic tendency’s, I know you hate that word being thrown around but how else would you describe people enjoying seeing sexualized fanart/actual porn of child Rin and sesshomaru. And a ship is just a ship yes but when large amounts of people try to normalize grooming I draw the line

Dear Nonny

First of all: I’m so sorry that you had to go through such a horrible experience and thank you for sharing this so openly. I’ll do my best to explain my point of view about the current chaos and how to navigate it as best as I can. In order for me not to repeat myself too often, I‘ll assume that people reading this will also have read my previous post that prompted Nonny to message me.

About the ship itself:

As far as the ending of the manga goes, Rin and Sesshoumaru are blank slates, leaving lots of room for interpretation. What is true for both characters is that neither of them have any romance set up, because neither Rin nor Sesshoumaru are anywhere near ready for any kind of romantic relationship (no matter with who) at that point in time. Rin because she’s a child and Sesshoumaru because he’s an emotionally stunted and immature mess of a man (which is why I find the sequel‘s premise incredibly unbelievable. There‘s no way Sesshoumaru was ready to have half-demon children and this is a flat-out character assassination for Sesshoumaru but I DIGRESS). In the manga, not a single trace of romance can be found, and thus not a single trace of grooming. Giving a growing child a new kimono is not grooming, it‘s common sense.

Now, most people that oppose SessRin do immediately jump to pedophilia and grooming for multiple reasons and, while I don’t ship SessRin, reducing the ship to assumptions like these is not an okay thing to do. I firmly stand by this statement and I’ll do my best to explain why.

Now, because this will be important to understand the thoughts I‘m conveying, please remember these key points:

1) Explaining does NOT equal excusing. I will never make excuses for people that romanticize children in romantic relationships. All I‘m doing is do my best to cut through the very emotionally charged and hardened fronts in this ship-war.

2) We NEED to separate the ship from its shippers. SessRin is an extremely difficult ship to write that needs to be treated with much more care and awareness than most other hetero-ships, but because people abuse Rin as their Mary-Sue and don‘t give the characters actual care and love, you end up with terrible fanfiction that depicts SessRin as „a given / destined / Rin‘s the closest vagina in the near vicinity“. And yet: Sesshoumaru grooming Rin is not the ONLY possible continuation of this ship. I‘ll get back to this in a bit.

3) Grooming is a choice, pedophilia is a mental disorder. While the two overlap at times, they are NOT the same. I’ll broach this issue near the end of this post.

Now, to get the worst out of the way, I’ll agree to this: The interpretation coming from the loudest and most aggressive shippers (Celestia on Twitter is an excellent example) is highly problematic and, as mentioned, shows a lack of comprehension regarding subtility and a lack of emotional intelligence. They‘re very black and white and they romanticize the characters as they were left in the manga, saying (among other things) how Rin is Sesshoumaru’s soulmate and understands him like no other, in spite of being a child, and THAT raises all kinds of alarm bells. Because this is exactly the rhetoric used by predators towards impressionable children. People claiming that this isn’t the case are being willfully ignorant and I usually don’t tolerate such people and use the block button generously.

But this is the WORST manifestation of this ship. Notice how I say the worst, not the ONLY.

Unfortunately, this worst interpretation usually comes from the laziest and most aggressive shippers that simply lack the creativity to imagine anything else. I’ve read many a SessRin fanfiction that built this relationship up in a believable way, taking its time and addressing the potential pitfalls, unfortunately this type of dedication or writing talent is not easily found in a fandom as vast and trope-y as Inuyasha. But I‘ve also read a ton of fanfiction where SessRin is a „logical conclusion“ because the author is actually writing an InuKag fic and has no idea what else to do with Sesshoumaru and Rin, hence: Another pairing to make babies with, yaaaay. SessRin happens by proxy, which is a huge NO-NO. This echoes one of my mantras: In order for Sesshoumaru to even get into a romantic relationship (NO MATTER WITH WHO), there is an entire story and development that needs to be told first. The same goes for Rin because again, by the end of the manga, she‘s not much of a character at all. “Why do you even read SessRin if you don’t ship it??” I hear you ask (not you, Nonny, I mean this and the following in a general sense). Because I keep saying that every ship has its merit and I’m interested in the stories that can be told. I keep saying that all ships are legitimate and I don’t want to miss out on any potentially amazing stories, especially because those were seriously hard to come by back in the day (anyone remember the 2000’s? Anyone?). I’ve read fanfiction from literally every Inuyasha ship under the sun. So if I see the tell-tales of a bad SessRin fic, I leave the author and their world behind and move on to something else. I’ll use this short interlude to say this: It has become such a horrible trend in fandom to put the sole responsibility of one’s fanfiction-experience on the author instead of taking responsibility for the content one might consume. There’s an incredible lack of self-sufficiency, a lack of ability to just move away when people read something they don’t want to read without taking personal offense. Now, I’m not saying that you have to be like me, but at least take responsibility for your own experience. ANYWAY, back to the topic at hand.

So again: In order for Rin or Sesshoumaru to get together romantically at any point in the future, a LOT needs to happen first. A lot of development, a lot of questioning, a LOT of build-up, because this relationship needs a heck of a lot more explanation than most other hetero-ships out there, but most fanfic writers and shippers are too lazy to set this up properly, leading to problematic romanticization, sugarcoating and hand-waving away of serious subjects that need to be addressed. Most of these types of SessRin shippers I see are found on Twitter and Tumblr (many are Spanish, too, wth is up with that), as mentioned, and they are are extremely questionable, seeing no issue at all with this ship, and here’s my opinion on why that is: Given from what I’ve seen, these types of shippers equal Rin with themselves. If you read how they justify this ship, it has nothing to do with her being a child, and everything to do with the blank slate that she is (like Bella Swan in Twilight). Rin has endless potential and it’s much easier to project ones own fantasy on a character that has yet to BECOME an actual character you can write a love story WITH. Of course, shippers don‘t realize this, because projection is usually done on an unconscious level. But to someone who’s been observing in this fandom and lurking for years, this seems incredibly obvious. Neither Rin nor Sesshoumaru have any agency, because they’re fictional, and that’s why SessRin is such a ticking bomb, always has been. They can be turned into whatever you want.

Now, that’s of course what fandom is for: Fulfillment of fantasies and works depicting any dynamic from fluffy to dark. But here’s the second main problem: Because SessRin is usually depicted as your typical, trope-riddled “male is alpha, woman is beta at best” romance, it falls right into heteronormative standards. Heterosexual relationships are TEEMING with extremely lazy writing (and normalized abuse, but that’s a subject for another time) and for some reason, I’ve observed how hetero ships have this insane entitlement to “purity”. What I mean by that is that hetero-ships are much more likely to attract fans that need their ship to be canon, otherwise they can’t function. This is EXACTLY what happens with SessRin. If you just had SessRin shippers doing their thing, I don’t think we’d be in this situation. But because of the sequel and its excellent marketing strategy, SessRin shippers are full of hope and, worst of all, grasping at straws and lording their ship’s superiority over everyone else with renewed fervor. If Takahashi/Sunrise weren’t such absolute cunts (pardon the language), we’d not be in this situation. Because SessRin is now a “possibility” in the sequel, people suddenly see the fulfillment of their own personal fantasies within reach. Let me repeat: This is about the fulfillment of their OWN PERSONAL fantasy and has nothing to do with Rin. She just happens to be the female character that’s closest to Sesshoumaru. The fact that she’s a child does not factor in this particular scenario, even though it SHOULD.

So again: The ship is fine on its own, because it’s literally a blank slate that you can go in ANY direction with. It’s the people that desperately grasp for canon and have decided that SessRin is a foregone conclusion WITHOUT any build-up or explanation that are the true problem. They look to the sequel and their own interpretations to justify their lazy and problematic interpretation of the ship. They make the ship into the potential grooming/pedophilia shitstorm that many “antis” are caught up in, but that’s not the ships fault.

Speaking of which, let’s talk about the grooming and possible pedophilia.

I’d ask people, after reading all of the above, to remember this: If there is any grooming at all, it has yet to happen, because NOTHING has happened between Sesshoumaru and Rin after the manga. Hell, they didn‘t even speak to each other in the charity chapter. They are still the same blank slates now that they were back then. Whether or not grooming happens is in the hands of any creator that decides to take their dynamic further.

As for pedophilic tendencies: I will not deny that there are traces of that in SessRin shipping (some prominent people also ship Zabuza/Haku from Naruto which is telling), but I swear to you that 99% of SessRin fanfictions I’ve read do NOT depict Sesshoumaru with a child Rin (except for 1-2 dark fics that portrayed the dangers of a relationship with such a power imbalance, which are extremely important works as well imo). Same goes for the art. This again because Rin is not treated as a proper character, but as a vessel for wish fulfillment.

I have said many negative things about the shippers that are triggering the entire fandom at the moment, but people that oppose this ship need to be honest with themselves and acknowledge that them jumping to the conclusion of “SessRin ALWAYS equals grooming and pedophilia” also lack creativity and the ability to differentiate between different paths and outcomes. Accusing others of pedophilia is inappropriate and uncalled for, not matter how upset you are. I too have had to learn and accept that pedophilia is a mental disorder and needs a proper diagnosis and treatment. What happens because of a mental disorder should never be excused, no matter if it’s depression, bi-polar disorder or pedophilia, but what we can hopefully all agree on is that mental disorders are not something you choose.

So the only thing I can say to you, Nonny, is this: If you see something that looks like pedophilia or grooming to you, absolutely do report it. As someone once told me: The block button is a form of self-care. Use it! I have done the same over the last couple of days and it’s cathartic. If something triggers you, avoid it and find someone/somewhere to vent to if necessary. Your feelings are extremely valid, your aggression towards others (if you have shown any, that is) is not. Your experiences were horrific without any shadow of the doubt, but the way this possibly influences how you react to and treat others is absolutely something that is YOUR responsibility.

What I would, again, ask all of the people aggressively opposing SessRin is that you reconsider your stance on pedophilia. Its potential consequences are inexcusable, but accusing other people of being pedophiles because you’re jumping to conclusions is in extremely bad taste and leaves you not only on the same intellectual level as the shipper you’re accusing, but possibly even lower than that because you’re cherry-picking which potential mental disorder you’re discriminating against. It’s a free world, of course, but I’m sure we’re all trying very hard not to be hypocrites.

I wanted to TL;DR this entire post, but there’s honestly no way to do that without skipping over important parts. So thank you if you’ve made it to the end of this massive ramble. I understand that this is a very delicate subject and I am open to any and all people that would like to discuss this further. Special thanks go to Nonny for giving me the opportunity to talk about this more. I hope I answered your question, even if it might not have been what you wished to hear. Have a wonderful day and please take good care of yourself!

[natsubeatsrock]

The Hagakure Paradox

So, I’ve been going through My Hero Academia and... I figured I’d spend this last week talking about it.

A lot of my posts come from a place where I'm annoyed by the things people are saying. If I've had any reason to make posts like these at all, it's because people don't agree with me over things and I don't want to be seen as crazy for disagreeing with so many people. If I didn't think I was going against the mainstream with so many of my ideas, I wouldn't have started a series called "Opinions I'll Probably get Stoned For".

However, it's not often that I feel the need to make a post like this about something I don't particularly care deeply about. Toru Hagakure is nowhere near one of my favorite characters, either in Class 1-A or in the series as a whole. Last year, I called her de-facto worst girl of Class 1-A. A lot of what I could talk about regarding Hagakure could more easily be used to talk about Momo Yaoyorozu, a character I have much more personal interest in.

Though, I feel like the discourse surrounding Momo has been done to death. At this point, the trenches are in and you're on one side or another. And, while that's probably also the case here, I can at least empathize with the people I disagree with regarding Momo. I don't feel the same way about this.

I will be talking about stuff that happens in the manga in this post, so you...

You know the thing.

As I'm sure we're aware, this debate has to do with Toru’s hero costume. As it stands, her quirk makes her invisible. Unfortunately, she's not able to make other things invisible. When she wears normal clothes, she's not able to make them invisible. Her current hero costume is nothing more than a pair of boots and gloves, and often she's willing to take those off and work naked.

For much of the series, the problem was obvious. Horikoshi created a female character that has to run around naked to use her quirk properly. Even being invisible isn't enough to stop her from being involved in some awkward fan service moments. One had to wonder if he were to write a male character with a similar quirk if he'd handle them the same.

And then Lemillion came on the scene.

Miro Togata's quirk involves him being able to phase through objects. On the one hand, the use of his quirk also affects most of the clothes he uses. When he demonstrates his quirk, he passes through his gym uniform. So, that means things are equal, right?

Sure, if you don't count his hero costume.

His hero costume was made with his hair. He grew it out purposely to be able to create a costume that he'd be able to use his quirk in and not have to worry about doing his work naked. And, theoretically, all he'd have to do to fix it when it rips or is too small is send it in with more of his hair to account for what needs to be adjusted. Need I say more?

In my honest opinion, I don't think it's unfair to wonder why Toru's outfit isn't similar. I generally want to say he came up with the idea for Mirio's quirk and outfit long after Toru's were locked in his mind. And, considering she never sees him in his costume and/or doesn't know how it works, it makes sense she doesn't get the idea to make a similar outfit. Still, I do get the problem with her running around naked and wish that she was constructed differently.

Of course, that's a really important thing to keep in mind. This isn't just an issue of a character that runs around naked. This is an issue of how Kohei Horikoshi decided to construct a character. When I see a lot of people's redesigns for Invisible Girl's outfit, it seems like their only focus is addressing the "she's not wearing clothes" issue. If that were all that this was about then I'd probably talk about the general issues I have with the redesigns. I might have gone in on some of the more famous redesigns as flawed, though well intentioned.

But a lot of people who complain about this seem to be forgetting a really important fact in this: we don't know the full extent of Toru Hagakure's quirk. As it stands, we haven't been formally introduced to her quirk. We don't know exactly why her invisibility works the way it does or if turning things invisible is part of her abilities. 

As it stands, we know that there has to be something else to her abilities than being invisible. As of the Provisional License Exam arc, we've seen her use abilities that involve light refraction which she’s working towards using more. That feels like something that will be important later on when we find out about her quirk. I'd be shocked if that isn't at least part of why he quirk is constantly active.

So, let's (actually) talk about why Horikoshi might have written Toru Hagakure the way he did.

Hagakure represents a special type of character arc among the students. With a lot of characters, we have a decent idea of what a quirk is and how they can improve their skills with it. For others, we're unclear how they can become better heroes because we know what their quirks are. But Hagakure's is about the only one where we have a path of growth for her despite not knowing what her quirk was.

Up to the Joint Training arc, Hagakure's strength was that she was invisible. That's not particularly helpful in a situation where physical ability is measured, such as the quirk evaluations or the sports festival. However, the stealth hero was able to avoid trouble when the USJ was attacked and her invisibility was crucial to her and Shoji passing their exam. It’s the thing that she works to improve during the summer training and light refaction doesn’t come into play until after that ordeal is over.

However, something happens in the Joint Training Exam. She ended up being caught in the joint training exam despite being invisible. To be clear, she was at a state of visibility because she was covered by mushrooms. They were removed and she became invisible. And she still lost despite not being visible.

If there's anything to be learned from this it's that Toru has to learn to be a good hero without relying on being invisible. How that will work stands to be seen. However, that will be dependent on finding out what her quirk is. Nothing I've seen in preparing to write this tells me that Horikoshi doesn't know what Hagakure's quirk is and isn't saving this up for just the right time. However, I'll definitely be interested to see what he has planned.

I think the best next step would be practicing control of this quirk. Not necessarily in the sense that she's able to stop becoming invisible. Rather, learning to turn other things she's directly touching invisible. I would like to see light refraction become a skill she uses to make things around her invisible, not unlike Marvel’s Invisible Woman whose hero name she pays homage to.

It's worth waiting to see how this will play out. My Hero Academia is a series that's in it for the long haul and it's not likely we'll get answers to these questions any time soon. As someone who's been through his fair share of long-running series, if and when Horikoshi actually gives us an explanation, it will make sense of the things we've been complaining about. Of course, if he doesn’t then you can complain about how much of a hack he is then. (Why does this sound familiar?)

For now, I do want to talk about the idea that she should have a similar outfit to Togata's. I get the idea behind it, but there are issues with it. On the one hand, we're not terribly sure if Hagakure has hair that can grow to the kind of lengths that could justify making an outfit, or if the technology of the universe is at the level it could synthetically replicate her DNA into a synthetic material. (inb4 “but Lemillion’s visor!”)

On the other hand, assuming either wasn't an issue, at this point in the series, the end result would be the exact same as being naked. Which is what she's already doing. Obviously the decency issue is fixed, but should Hagakure need help, it will be harder to find her if she’s invisible. When the League attacked the summer camp, remember that she was wearing normal clothes. They couldn’t find her during the USJ attack.

Personally, I hope that she learns to make other objects invisible and that we get something similar to Violet's outfit from The Incredibles. That feels like a good in-between of what people want and it's certainly better than "her outfit, made with her DNA, has better control of her quirk than she currently has". At this point, I just want an end this stupid debate forever.

In Conclusion:

Despite literally making the exact opposite claim multiple times in this post, I’m totally fine with Toru running around naked. The people who complain otherwise are needlessly prudish and there is no possible need for nuance regarding this topic. Anyone that disagrees with me ought to jump into a vat of toxic sludge and pray for a quirk in the next life.

[protectwoc]

thots on little women (2019)

or, y’all are giving greta gerwig too much credit (part two)

The character arc that was changed the least from the source material, but that still manages to personally offend me the most, is, of course, Amy’s. It’s no secret that Gerwig is an Amy stan, or at least more of a fan of her than most people. I am as well, which is why I am so disappointed with this particular arc.

It’s honestly more disappointing because Gerwig handled parts of Amy’s arc extremely well, namely, her relationship with Laurie. Gerwig did an excellent job of making Amy and Laurie’s relationship feel less like a consolation prize since Laurie did not end up marrying Jo and more like a fully realized and reciprocal relationship, arguably more so than Alcott herself. HOWEVER, and this is a big however, the Amy/Laurie relationship is not the only important part of Amy’s characterization in the novel, and unfortunately, it is in the movie.

Amy starts out the novel as a selfish twelve year old girl, which is evidenced in no other but the infamous book-burning scene. However, throughout the novel, she grows out of that selfishness and into a more selfless, self aware woman. (Again, whatever your thoughts on “learning to be selfless” as a trope in women’s narratives are not necessarily relevant.)

For example, in the first half of the novel, one of Amy’s most notable chapters deals with pickled limes. For anyone who only watched the movie or doesn’t quite remember the book, a short summary:

Amy, the only one of the March girls who attends school, is upset because the girls in her school have been trading pickled limes. The limes are seen as a status symbol, which can be traded for little trinkets, bestowed upon favorites, or indulged in in front of your enemies. The pickled limes trend has become so popular that the teacher, Mr. Davis, has banned them in the classroom, which has done nothing to curb their popularity. Amy, who is relatively popular among her classmates regardless of her relatively lower class status, has been gifted several limes but had no way to return them, is greatly “in debt.” When Meg gives Amy enough money to buy a whopping twenty-five pickled limes, she flaunts and preens her way around the classroom until a girl she snubbed tattles to the teacher and gets all twenty five limes taken away.

This scene is a good example of the beginning of Amy’s arc of overcoming her one major personality flaw. It shows how her selfish nature is really just immature behavior, and as she ages, she matures out of that childishness. Another good example of this arc happens when Beth contracts scarlet fever. At first, she complains, saying that she would rather contract the deadly disease than to go to her Aunt’s house, but as she remains there, we see her mature and even grow fond of Aunt March. Her personal arc independent of Laurie was a big part of Amy’s plotline, and it was unfortunately left out of the movie.

The most glaring example of this is the omission of one of the most important scenes of Amy’s arc in the book: the occurrences at the fair. Again, indulge me in a brief summary for those who won’t know exactly what I am talking about:

The mother of one of Amy’s friends, Mrs. Chester, holds a three day fair for all of the girls in Amy’s social circle. As Amy is the most talented and most well-liked of the girls, she has the best table at the fair, at the very front, where she is to sell her beautiful artistic creations. However, her friend, May Chester, is jealous of her, and seeing this, Ms. Chester takes the table from Amy and gives it to May, relegating Amy to the back corner to sell flowers. At first, Amy is incredibly upset, and takes all of her art back to the table with her, however, after talking with her family, who are properly indignant on her behalf, she resolves to be gracious and humble and gives her own drawings to May to sell. Seeing this, Jo tells Laurie to take all of his handsome, college-aged bachelor friends to Amy’s table, which he does, and they spend the entire next day of the fair flirting with her and buying every one of the flowers from Amy. On the final day of the fair Amy, who has entirely overcome her own selfish wishes, tells Laurie and his friends to go do the same to May. This string of selfless acts is seen by Aunt March and Aunt Carrol (who in the novel has half of Aunt March’s role in the movie) and is the premier reason behind Aunt Carrol deciding to take Amy to Europe instead of Jo.

Leaving this scene out of Amy’s narrative in the movie is, I think, unforgivable. The inclusion of this scene would have exponentially improved Amy’s arc, for three major reasons:

This scene is the culmination of Amy’s “selfish to selfless arc”. Again, regardless of your opinions on whether this is a good lesson for her to learn, it is an arc, and as the movie stands currently, she simply doesn’t have one. The occurrences at the fair show her finally growing out of her childhood vices into the mature woman we see in Europe, and to exclude this scene does her a disservice.

Prior to her trip to Europe, this is one of the only scenes in the novel where Laurie and Amy have any sort of interaction. If Gerwig wanted to more fully develop the Amy/Laurie romance I cannot imagine the logic behind leaving this scene out. It would make the romance seem less rushed, which has been a common critique of their love story since the book came out, and would even  provide context for Amy’s “Not when I have spent my entire life loving you” line which Gerwig added to the narrative.

As previously mentioned, this scene is one of the main reasons behind Amy being allowed to travel to Europe with Aunt March/Aunt Carrol. Within the movie, this reasoning is less obvious, especially given the fact that Aunt March had already told Jo she would take her to Europe, and the inclusion of this scene would have made the trip feel more earned for Amy.

Greta Gerwig has made no secret of the fact that she both a feminist and a fan of Amy March. I am both of those things as well, which is why I cannot understand her logic behind robbing Amy of a complete arc. In the movie, the most important parts of Amy’s arc are all tied to a man. Even that arc is not as fully developed as it could be. Gerwig did a magnificent job with Amy’s overall likability, but that is not the same thing as writing a fully realized arc for her.

But even though Amy is my personal favorite character, and I am more personally invested in her arc, Gerwig’s mishandling of Amy is not the most egregious sin committed in this movie. That honor is reserved for Jo’s arc.

Part Two: Jo

A Buzzfeed article entitled “The New ‘Little Women’ Makes Space for Jo’s Queerness” claims that “Gerwig’s adaptation, without being too explicit about it, does gorgeous justice to that [queer] reading.” An Advocate magazine article called “Greta Gerwig Brings Out the Inherent Queerness of Little Women” makes the bold claim that the 2019 Little Women “offers the queerest and most feminist reading yet.” An even bolder declaration by them magazine says that “The New Little Women Basically Proves Jo is Queer”. Gerwig has been lauded both by critics and by her own actors for creating an explicitly queer narrative for Jo March. 

As previously mentioned, I do not generally read Alcott’s Jo as queer. However, upon my first encounter with this headcanon, I could immediately see why so many people did see her this way, and why this interpretation is so beloved. Jo has a lot of non-stereotypically straight traits that have made her something of a queer icon in many progressive literary circles. Both the way she bemoans being “born a woman” and her intense desire not to marry spoke to a lot of queer or non-cis readers, many of whom were excited to see her portrayed this way on the silver screen. And though I am not particularly attached to this headcanon, as a bi woman, I too was excited to see her that way.

And then… I didn’t.

Look, I hate to burst y’alls bubble, but there is literally not a single second in the movie where Jo is anything resembling queer. At best, she could be read as aromantic/asexual, but that’s about it. (Note: Obviously I don’t intend to imply that being aro/ace is somehow “lesser than” being L G B or T, but obviously the form of queerness people were expecting is one in which Jo is explicitly attracted to women.) There are no subtle looks in the direction of another woman, no scenes in which Jo expresses any negative emotion towards the idea of marrying a man specifically. She doesn’t even have a single female friend outside of her sisters.

One of the reasons the 2019 Jo (and by extension, Laurie), have been hailed as queer icons is their relative gender fluidity. Jo and Laurie exchange clothes throughout the movie, which was intended to display their “gender fluidity”. I knew about this particular facet of the movie before going to watch it in theaters, so I was looking for these occasions specifically, and I still couldn’t tell that they were supposed to be gender neutral. Maybe that’s just me, because I don’t know a lot about civil war era clothing, but whatever.

The other reason that Jo is considered queer in the movie is her rejection of traditional Civil War era femininity. She doesn’t want to get married, and she has no interest in “girly” things like dresses or parties. But neither of those things are specifically queer. Being “not like other girls” as your premier personality trait is not queer, it’s just garden-variety misogyny.

Even Jo’s big scene where she laments her competing desire to stay unmarried and her intense loneliness, has nothing marking it as explicitly queer. “I’m so sick of people saying that love is just all a woman is fit for,” she bursts out. Love. Not love for a man. Not even marriage. She is decrying the entire concept of love.

“But Rae,” I can hear you asking, “what about the ending, where it’s implied she doesn’t marry Professor Bhaer and gets to publish her novel?” To that, there are two important things to consider. One: the ending is intentionally portrayed as optional. Even though it is heavily implied that Jo did not go off and get heterosexual married at the end, it is possible to ignore that ending or do some light mental gymnastics to make the two versions of Jo’s ending coincide. And I’m not just saying this as a worst-case-scenario, I actually have seen people do this, in fandom and my own life.

Secondly, even if you take the ending as completely factual, we still have all the scenes involving Bhaer previous to the ending to give some hint of Jo’s sexuality. We never see her even look at another woman, but she flirts with Bhaer and blushes when he looks at her and asks for his opinion on her work. Even ignoring the straight-as-default setting of most casual viewers, canonically, Jo has only ever shown interest in men. One man specifically, but still.

“But she could still be bi/pansexual, or suffering from compulsory heterosexuality,” I hear. And this is basically the crux of my argument. In fandom, you don’t have to assume straight as the default, and it's probably better not to. Bi/pan headcanons for “straight” characters are a good, positive way of adding to a fandom culture. However, when it comes to canonical representation, the opposite is true. Representation is not representation if it is not explicit.

I’m not saying that queer viewers cannot feel represented by Jo in this movie. I personally  feel represented by Hermoine Granger as a black woman, due to her “wild, bushy hair” and her penchant for social activism (SPEW). However, I cannot give JK Rowling credit for that representation because she had nothing to do with it. She did not do any of the hard work to actually make Hermoine a black woman. In the same way, we cannot credit Gerwig with adding queer representation to Little Women, because she didn’t.

Conclusion: The Response

I know reading this essay probably makes me seem like a Greta Gerwig-hater or like I disliked the movie. Both of those things are untrue. As previously mentioned, I loved the movie. I’ve watched the Amy/Laurie scenes of the movie like a hundred times already. I also don’t hate Greta Gerwig. This is the only movie of hers that I’ve seen, but I heard all about Lady Bird and its popularity, and I think the directing of Little Women was excellent. The fact that Greta Gerwig is a very talented filmmaker is not necessarily an arguable point.

I don’t believe that Gerwig had to fully develop any of the sisters. I don’t even think that Gerwig is required to add queer representation (or racial diversity for that matter) to her movies. Greta Gerwig decided to adapt an extremely white, cishet Civil War era book into an extremely white, cishet Civil War era movie. Hot take time: she is entirely in her rights to do that.

BUT. The thing that bugs me the most about the movie, and is basically the impetus behind me writing this essay, is the response to the movie. For whatever reason, Gerwig’s Little Women adaptation has been deemed more “woke” than it actually is. Little Women (2019) has been lauded for its strong female presence (even though there are only white, cis, straight women), for it’s development of the other, non-Jo sisters (even though it doesn’t), and for giving its lead space to be queer (even though she isn’t).

Greta Gerwig made an excellent film, but she did not do anything that has never been done before. I liked the movie, but I’m not about to go campaign for Greta Gerwig or the movie to win an Oscar. In general, we need to be less willing to acclaim those who do the bare minimum.

Again, I’m not good at writing conclusions. At a certain point I’m going to just start repeating myself, so I’m going to go ahead and cut myself off now. Again, if anybody has any opinions on this, agree or disagree, please come talk to me about it! I’d love to hear any other thoughts.

[michelles-garden-of-evil]

Shadow Over Seventh Heaven Review, Part I: Last Night I Dreamt I Went to Maljardin Again

Once, April Tennant had been the greatest screen star of all. Even now that this stunning creature was gone, the victim of a hideous accident, her name still cast a magic glow. And nowhere was her haunting spell more alive than within her great walled estate of San Rafael.

It was here that April had lived in her storybook marriage with famed actor Richard Morgan. It was here that her memory was worshipped still. And it was here that lovely young Jenny Summers came as Richard Morgan's new bride--to discover the terror behind the tinsel in this place transformed from a paradise of the living to a hell of the undead.... (inside front cover)

Welcome, fellow Strangers and all others who happen upon this post. This week, I have decided to begin a new series exploring the Gothic novels written by co-creator and first headwriter of Strange Paradise, Ian Martin, under the pen name Joen Arliss. Mostly, the purpose of this series will be to compare the plot and characters of Strange Paradise and those of his novels and what that may indicate about his original intentions for the overarching story of the soap opera.

I got the idea to start this series while writing my review of Episode 26, after the contents of an article referenced in one of the scenes reminded me of the events in this book. On his now-defunct website Maljardin.com, Curt Ladnier covered some of the similarities between “Here Goes the Bride,” the CBS Radio Mystery Theater drama from which this book was adapted, and Strange Paradise, but I wanted to dive deeper and do one of my characteristic overanalyses. So fly with me to the grand southwestern estate of San Rafael and together let’s explore Shadow Over Seventh Heaven--and let me warn you, there will be spoilers for the entire Maljardin arc of SP.

As noted above, Shadow Over Seventh Heaven is an adaptation of a radio drama that Martin wrote for CBS Radio Mystery Theater. CBSRMT is, perhaps unquestionably, Ian Martin’s most famous work. Created by Himan Brown in 1974 and running for 1,399 nightly episodes, Martin wrote a total of 243 (including many adaptations of literary classics) and acted in 255, typically in supporting roles. He continued writing and acting on the series all the way until his death in 1981 at the age of 69. Given my tendency to procrastinate, which sometimes makes it difficult to write just one episode review a week even when I’m not busy, I envy him for being such a prolific writer. I suspect that all the soap scripts he wrote got him into the habit, and he just couldn’t break it.

Even more extraordinary is that he wrote and published five novels during the same period that he worked on CBSRMT. His first was Nightmare’s Nest (1979), an adaptation of the CBSRMT play “The Deathly White Man” (and not the other drama, also by him, of the same name), which is his answer to Jane Eyre and which also has some interesting connections with SP which I plan to explore in another review series. Next came this novel, and then Beloved Victim (1981), adapted from “A Lady Never Loses Her Head,” which I don’t recall having anything noteworthy in common with SP, but I may need to re-read it to make sure. He also wrote two mystery novels, The Shark Bait Affair and The Ladykiller Affair, for the Zebra Mystery Puzzler series, but those are both very rare now and I haven’t yet read either, so I can’t say anything about them. The book Mystery Women: An Encyclopedia of Leading Women Characters in Mystery Fiction does, however, provide some information on their protagonist, Kate Graham, along with short plot summaries. As someone with two trunk novels from the last decade and about fifty pages of a third--which I mostly stopped working on after I started this blog--I also envy him for this. How on Earth did he find the time?

But I digress. Like that of “Here Goes the Bride,” the plot of Shadow Over Seventh Heaven draws heavy inspiration from Daphne du Maurier’s famous Gothic romance Rebecca, but with some major differences in plot and characterization. The novel fleshes out the radio drama some more, adding additional details and plot twists that aren’t present in the original play, which arguably make it more interesting. One gets the impression that he had a lot of story in mind while he penned the original drama, but knew he could only squeeze so much into a 45-minute radio play and so had to leave many of the most interesting details out.

But that’s enough background information. Let’s begin our analysis and see what Ian Martin’s later work can tell us about his original intentions for Strange Paradise.

Introduction

The face is lovely, matchless....

Opening like some gigantic and exotic flower as the camera zooms in...

It fills the screen, flawless, enticing....

The lower lip glistens, pulled away from those perfect teeth, trembling ever so slightly, promising undreamed-of delights for the man brave enough to taste its forbidden fruit....

The skin glows with an inner light....

The eyes beyond the thick fringe of dark eyelashes shimmer with the deep violet of a tropical night....

The pitiless exposé of the camera is defeated, no matter how close it probes in close-up....

This is beauty without blemish....

This is everyman's dream woman--sex symbol of the nation, and most of the world....

This is April Tennant!

Strange to think of her dead, for on the screen she is captured forever in all her vibrancy and stunning beauty....

Impossible to think of her lying, mangled and bleeding on the rocks, while the hungry sea licks out as if to possess her.

Incredible to think of her cold and in the grave. Which she has been for twelve months--or this story never would have begun (p. 5).

The first page of the novel introduces us to April Tennant, this novel’s Rebecca and also its Erica Desmond. Like Rebecca, she is the first wife of the protagonist’s love interest, whose tragic death will cast a shadow over her former estate. Like Erica, she was a famous actress--probably more so than Erica ever was--but the cause of her death is not the same as the alleged cause of Erica’s. In Episode 5 of Strange Paradise, Erica’s grieving husband Jean Paul claims that she died of eclampsia while pregnant with their son, although evidence uncovered by other characters in later episodes leads them to contest that claim. Instead, April’s death resembles that of Huaco, the wife of Jean Paul’s ancestor Jacques Eloi des Mondes who died when she fell from a cliff on Maljardin, Jacques’ island estate.

In this introduction, we also see what will become a theme of the novel: gaze. Not just the male gaze--the obvious POV of the introduction--but, more generally, the viewing of April Tennant almost exclusively through the eyes of other characters, both male and female. We never learn much about her inner life, even as we learn those of Jenny (our protagonist), Richard, and others. April is largely a mystery, a larger-than-life figure of ideal beauty who, in the eyes of the public, is more a legend than she is flesh and blood. It’s the same mystique that surrounds celebrities in real life that often makes other people forget that they, too, are human--if, indeed, that’s what April was. Or is there more to it? I guess we’ll have to find it.

Chapter 1

The first chapter begins with a detailed description of San Rafael--and by detailed, I mean that Ian Martin spends one and a half pages describing its wall, followed by two on the mansion itself. I won’t type out too many passages from this book for copyright reasons--for, unlike Strange Paradise, this book is still under copyright--but I will include some highlights. The wall surrounding the castle “was thick enough at the bottom to withstand any tremor of the California earth...topped by a corona of jagged broken glass and it ran for a mile and three-quarters in a great semicircle away from the rocky Pacific coast and back to it again” (p. 6). On its gate,

The ironwork swept and swirled in great balanced curlicues, and the frame was heavy and studded. The studs held great sheets of blackened steel, heavy enough to withstand a battering ram, blocking any vision of the grounds the wall concealed. And the vertical members of the scrollwork reared high above the frame of the door and the top of the wall in a bristling array of spikes, sharp as swords, arched forward to further discourage any hardy trespasser who might try to climb their height (pp. 6-7).

In case you haven’t already figured it out, Martin loved his purple prose. If you don’t like Byzantine descriptions of architecture, ironwork, clothing, or anything else, you probably shouldn’t read this book or any of Martin’s other novels. (Nightmare’s Nest is far purpler, however, than this one. There’s an entire chapter in there devoted to describing the protagonist’s lush Edwardian finery.) Fortunately for me, I love this kind of thing and will gladly devour description after description of gates covered in iron curlicues. My literary tastes tend toward “more is more” and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

We learn that San Rafael is a reconstruction of an old Spanish mission, commissioned by April and built in part by Richard himself, “who personally took charge of putting in all the glass that fronted on the sea.” The gardens that surround it give it “a riot of color--bougainvillea, hibiscus, passionflowers, trumpet vines--all enhanced and set off against the majesty of rows of carefully spaced Italian cedar, or Lombardy poplar” (pp. 7-8).

Despite all this radiant beauty--and as one might expect for reconstructed ruins from the era of Spanish colonialism--the estate is believed to be cursed, at least by “the superstitious peons who built the walls” (p. 9).  (That’s what the book uncharitably describes the Mexican builders--some parts of this book haven’t aged well, as you will see.) Two men died while rebuilding it, followed by April herself around a decade later.

Surprisingly, we learn at the end of this chapter that Richard Morgan’s background differs from that of Jean Paul Desmond. An actor himself, he “was king of the theater, and of East Coast entertainment. Their marriage was a royal one, and it vaulted both of them to new and undreamed-of heights of popularity” (pp. 9-10). It was this popularity that drove them to wall themselves in at San Rafael and use the police and guard dogs to keep rabid fans and paparazzi away--which, ultimately, didn’t work and only led to “a new wave of interest and snooping” (p. 10).

Chapter 2

Here we meet Richard’s sister Lisa, who is...well...quite an interesting character. She’s a beautiful woman with short hair, a deep voice, and--most importantly--an unusual, creepy level of attachment to her brother.

Cersei Lannister Lisa Morgan.

Lisa has just received a phone call from the Philippines where her brother is. The call has left her “literally stunned” (p. 11), which means that the modern slang meaning of “literally” dates back 30+ years longer than I thought. Surprisingly, she isn’t drinking wine to calm her nerves like Cersei above, but that’s her loss.

As she gazes at the ocean to the west, her housekeeper, Conchita Aguilar,  enters. Chita (as she is usually called) has not just worked as April’s housekeeper for most of her life, but also "she and her husband, Juan, had quite literally brought up April” (p. 13); as a result, she is fiercely loyal to the family of her deceased mistress. Here is a portrait of her:

Looking at the tiny woman with her bright button eyes, the black Indian hair swept stiffly away from her face, parted in the middle and tidily put away in a tight bun low on the back of her neck, Lisa was surprised at the sudden urge to go and take this familiar person in her arms--or better still have Chita take her in hers.[...]Chita might be tiny, but she was all steel and whipcord (p. 13).

Sound familiar?

Yes, Chita bears a resemblance to our beloved Raxl. They even have a similar background, for Raxl, too, comes from a people indigenous to Mexico, according to Episode 23.  Like Raxl, Chita is very old and has a mysterious magnetism that draws some people to her (which, in Raxl’s case, includes me). There are some minor differences--Chita doesn’t worship the Great Serpent, she uses gratuitous Spanish instead of gratuitous French, she has a living husband and grandson--but they are, in most ways, the same character. It’s clear that Ian Martin didn’t want to part with Raxl, and I don’t blame him one bit.

Also, for whatever reason, he was oddly insistent on both of them having a specific hairstyle. If you read the original script for the show’s pilot, you will see that he was almost as specific about Raxl’s hairstyle, mentioning “her hair tightly drawn over her ears to a small bun,” but less detailed about those of the other characters. Just an odd detail that probably bears little significance, but that I noticed.

Lisa tells Chita that Richard is on his way home with a new wife, a young, very wealthy orphan named Jenny Summers whom he met in the Philippines. This angers the ancient housekeeper, who argues that Jenny can never come to San Rafael

Because there is no place for her here--en la casa de La Señora! Everything here is hers--she still lives here, and will always live here. Her perfume is in every room, her pictures are everywhere, every ornament and ashtray and book I keep just the way she last touched it. There is no room for any other wife here! Oh, she will feel it, she will know it, because La Señora would never permit another woman to take her place (p. 16)!

Lisa insists that, despite the risk that Jenny won’t want to live on the estate and despite her equal displeasure about the situation, Chita keep an open mind regarding her and try not to be such a Mrs. Danvers about the situation. (OK, so she doesn’t actually say the last part; that’s just my paraphrase.) She also tries to pressure Chita into helping her take down the mementos of April at Richard’s orders, which she objects to, both for sentimental reasons and because they don’t have time to have the enormous fresco of April that adorns the former chapel. (Symbolism!)

“It was a breathless and yet terrible beauty. For any woman who stood next to it had to be eclipsed” (p. 20).

Yes, you read that right: they rededicated the mission’s former chapel to the silver screen sex goddess April Tennant. After their wedding, Richard had a giant fresco of her painted there in place of its former altar. This is a clear indication that one or more of the people in this household worship April, whether literally or figuratively. More than that, the portrait glows like that of THE DEVIL JACQUES ELOI DES MONDES, and seems, like Jacques’ portrait, to be alive, the living essence of a dead person. “Most haunting of all was the feeling that this was the woman--that she could not have died, that any moment she would step off the wall, and her silver laughter would fill the house again (p. 20).”

I’m sorry, Jacques. ;)

Coming up next: Jenny arrives at San Rafael and tries to adjust to living on an estate where almost everyone but Richard acts like they hate her.

{ Next: Part II -> }

[manorbagofsand]

he takes mental inventory of everything he's eaten since yesterday morning.

coffee.

an english muffin.

a few handfuls of spicy peanuts.

the last few plantain chips.

a beer.

another beer.

kombucha, free from your housemate’s job.

another beer. 

a wash of shame comes over him. he shouldn't drink this much. but he knows he won't change. he at least shouldn't try to hide that he drinks this much, leaving the empty cans on the floor between his bedside table and the bed until he can covertly discard them. 

is he an alcoholic?

he takes inventory. he's not very functional while drunk, that's why he drinks, after all. alcohol gifting him a sense of complacency unavailable to him otherwise. he has, 1 or 2 drinks a day, and only most days. he's only been drunk at work twice, before, both after a night out with Esther, both miserable experiences, vomiting outside in the median between the sidewalk and the street where some bright-eyed city planner probably thought would have flowers, but actually just has bark mulch and the shiny glint of litter. he thinks of his ex's dad, asleep over a glass on the table. he thinks of the characters in lucia berlin stories, the desperate night errands to buy a fifth, how the other addicts told her she wasn't really one of them if she wasn't a wino. he only really drinks beer? he is fine when he doesn't drink? well, fine meaning miserable and desperately seeking escape. he feels another wash of guilt thinking about all the alcoholism screening assessments he's lied on. lately he's been putting down eight. that's one for four days a week, two for another two, and taking a day off. he tries to convince himself of this. he can’t remember the last time he took a day off. he buys two six-packs a week. he drank half a six-pack just yesterday. 

okay so what if he’s an alcoholic, he can’t manage otherwise. maybe he should have a drink before he leaves to see tony. is noon too early?

he takes inventory, he can only think of one time he started drinking alone that early in the day, and it was before a date. a first date, at that. he thinks that felt justified, but also is an incredible bad look. okay, no, he doesn’t need a drink now, doesn’t even want one. he thinks about Wendy in Little Fish, Jonny Appleseed, Jessa in Mostly Dead Things and it doesn’t make him feel better, but he is at least able to move back to what he was trying to think about –

this morning, coffee.

more coffee.

he decides, as usual, to forgo, breakfast, even though he still has more english muffins and even has the right brand of almond butter. in addition to all the wrong brands he's never going to touch. he thinks he probably won't get fucked until evening, so he doesn't want to give his digestive system any ammunition with that much time.

he takes inventory of all the things he needs to dispose of while his housemate is out of town this weekend.

the four empty beer cans under his bed.

the cake he made last week and never even cut.

the pie his friend gave him that he also never cut that is now starting to grow mold.

the remaining slices of bread that are too old.

the potatoes in the fridge he cooked and didn't like the texture of.

the soup he made on monday. but what if the soup is still good? probably, but he probably won't eat it so he should just let it go now. it makes him feel worse to consider how careful his housemate is about not wasting food, that thinking about what he might think washes him with yet another icy bucket of shame. if he discards it now, maybe his housemate won’t notice, or just think that he ate it. he feels bad, but not enough to actually make him eat it. 

he should go to the farm stand and buy produce tomorrow. or maybe he shouldn't because he's just going to compost most of it anyway.

the half a roasted sweet potato, that he weirdly had cut into circular discs rather than his usual wedges. actually, he will eat that still. sweet potatoes have become a go-to for him in the last few months. long-shelf life. they keep well after being cooked. and also, he pretty reliably still feels interested in eating them even after they’ve finished roasting. what kind of motherfucker can’t even be interested in eating food through the forty minutes it takes to prepare? they don’t do anything suspect to his shit, which is to say, he can’t see them again on that end. 

he takes inventory of all of the things he’s stopped eating because they come out identifiable in his shit. quinoa. corn. grapefruit. carrots. he thinks about the girl who lived with his ex-, who had her eating disorder diagnosed because her therapist noticed her hands had turned orange because she only ate sweet potatoes. how she had speculated Japanese sweet potatoes wouldn’t be as obvious. how it all came crashing together then for him how his hands had also been orange when he was in high school. for him, baby carrots. he tried to remember when he still ate bagged processed vegetables. 

he tried to remember what it was like before anyone had told him there was something wrong with him. before there was something wrong with him?

no, he remembers standing in the shower, circling around if he could be pregnant. he hadn’t had sex with anyone, but what if? he remembers having a doctor recommend he get tested for female athlete triad syndrome, how he still was new to interacting with doctors and didn’t realise they weren’t actually going to follow through at all on that. feeling like there was not anything wrong with him, that he was finally in control.

the dirty condom from a few nights, when he didn’t want to clean himself out, let alone clean the toy off afterwards. he laughs how he still doesn't have a trash can in his room. this seems the most reasonable of all on this list. yes, he’s an immature fag with no blinds and dirty condoms on his floor. this is a flaw he’s willing to lean into, to pretend he is loose and free and reckless. but he isn’t. he is so wound up in his head. he has practiced these worries too many times today already. the only kind of reckless he could actually claim is the four burn scars on his arms from cooking while drunk in the last year. which he worries people will ask if he did intentionally. 

what if he did do it intentionally? 

he doesn't want to be like this. the shame layers on, shame that he hates how he is, but doesn't change. no matter how rational he is, he cannot actually convince himself that no one cares. shame that he has no control over his shame. 

he has to leave in hour and half if he’s not going to be unacceptably late. he wonders if he can make it out of the house by then.

he heads for the bathroom. puts the fan on the 40 minute timer. worries his housemate will wonder what he is up to. tries to convince himself he already knows, that he does not care. he wants that, but he can’t convince himself. 

he’s also covered in sex-bruises all the time on his neck and shoulders and wrists and he does not hide them, and no one even says anything. does his housemate know that he is gay?

is he gay enough? 

he feels shame that he still uses the same beginner douche kit he bought years ago. he remembers the pang of jealously of learning about posh gays with a whole douche attachment for their shower head. what if he were that put together? 

he flips the toilet seat up, so it won’t get splashed, and tries to focus on relaxing his sphincter. 

he’s not actually ashamed of his body. except for the way his skin hangs loose on his abdomen, refusing to show his faint hard work of abs. except how his chest and legs are covered in red welts and scabs. except that he is covered with scars, most of them self-inflicted, which are visible enough that he feels constantly conscious of them, but not gnarly enough that people actually ever ask about them. except the way he has a bald spot right under his chin on his beard, how the whole thing is still pretty sparse, maybe he should just shave it but then he feels shame about looking pubescent. 

but he thinks he’s not ashamed of his bodily functions. he’s not afraid of his own shit. he thinks about the shame of the dirty condom on the floor of his room. he thinks about all the times he’s scraped his middle finger a circle around the inside of his rectum, feeling for any residual chunks to decide if he needs to douche another round. he thinks about the time after getting fucked that somehow he had shit all over his own feet, how his ex had gently gotten paper towels and wiped them off, gently, and wordlessly. 

and yet, it’s been years since he’s been on so much as a first date without cleaning himself in advance. it’s not that he’s afraid of someone being spooked when their cock comes out streaked, it’s just that it seems worth the relief to be able to avoid it. except that relief is fleeting. untrustworthy. whatever. he knows its what he needs to do in order to actually leave the house. he scrapes his finger around the inside, up through the second mouth, which yields to show it has nothing else to reveal, like Monty Hall opening the first door.

placated, he gets in the shower. he thinks about how freud would have had a heyday with him. 

he really doesn’t want to have to have that conversation. he thinks tony already seems to think he doesn’t eat. this isn’t quite true, but he is charmed by the simplicity of it. he feels some obligation to uphold that expectation, to be able to avoid eating in front of him. he wants to avoid the intimacy of having a conversation about his pre-sex routine, which seems only possible by keeping a very strict pre-sex routine. 

tony asked him recently to take a weekend trip with him. the travel. the prolonged company, sharing meals, the ruined veneer of being ready all the time. 

he could come up with five hundred reasons why he can’t go, but are any of them good enough to say to someone else? could he suffer through just a weekend? 

could he, 

maybe, 

even, 

have an okay time?

[overthinkingkdrama]

Can you explain to me what makes IU a good actress in your eyes? I like her but I’m also really trying to understand why everyone’s praising her to the skies after My Mister. My favorite performance from her is actually in Producers, where I thought she stole the show from the other leads. But Ji Eun in My Mister always just has this one same steely look, and in gifs of the show I feel this one-dimensionality becomes very obvious: I couldn’t tell if she was feeling angry, or sad, or numb, etc.

(Continuing from my last ask about IU’s acting): the same with Man Wol in HDL. She does all the right expressions, and they’re all quite convincing, but I never feel like they go beyond the surface. Maybe she’s just not good at micro-expressions and that’s what I’m having trouble with? I hope you don’t mind this ask. I’m not ratting on her because I genuinely enjoy her shows and especially loved her in Producers, but I am struggling to understand the sudden love for her acting post HDL.

(More on IU): compare her with someone like, say, Han Ye-ri, or Esom, or PMY, who all have these really expressive embodiments of their respective characters, and the difference becomes quite stark, I feel.

***

Let me start off by saying that I don’t pretend to have any expertise in the subject of acting. I both praise and criticize it as an amateur and a layman. I just know what works for me and what doesn’t work for me. So when you ask me this question, understand that for me the measure of what makes someone a good actor or a bad actor will always, by necessity, have an huge element of subjectivity to it. What is good or bad is going to be largely in the eye of the beholder. And so when I answer you it’s going to be on the basis of my subjective opinion and my experience following Lee Ji Eun’s acting consistently through 5 different projects since 2015.

That being said, there has been a dramatic turn around in the general fandom response to IU’s acting in the past two years, and that’s not by accident. She’s been involved in some high profile projects (My Mister, Persona, and most recently HDL) that have allowed her to showcase different aspects of her talent and demonstrate a distinct progression in her technical abilities and people are sitting up to take notice.

Three years ago I was interacting with posts on tumblr about her lead role in Scarlet Heart Ryeo, where both Knetz and English speaking drama fans were claiming that she was single-handedly ruining the show for them. That she only had one, saucer-eyed expression and that she wasn’t able to keep up with her more seasoned male costars.  Now that she’s in the fandom’s good graces they like to forget, but the vitriol (which female idols in general still frequently face, btw) was nearly constant at that time. I wholehearted disagreed with her critics then, and I disagree with them now.

I had first become aware of IU while watching Producers, which was also the first drama I ever watched as it was airing in the days of Dramafever. I was completely enamored with her portrayal of Cindy and I, like you, thought she completely stole the show, despite coming into the drama as a fan of her costars. From then on, I’ve been a fan of her as an actor and I’ve enjoyed all of her subsequent projects to greater or lesser degrees.

My Mister was the turning point in her career.  I’m on the record on tumblr as saying that My Mister is my favorite Kdrama. Ji An is my tumblr icon. I’ve made my partiality no secret. And for me, the reason should be obvious. The drama was controversial but it was also a huge critical success, with a beloved, veteran director at the helm, and I think it made people change their preconceptions about her. If she is being praised for HDL, then I would credit My Mister as the reason. People went from dismissing her out of hand as another singer who made a mediocre actress, to hailing her as one of the best idol actors out there.

If you can’t see why, or you think her performance in that drama is “one-dimensional” then a reply from me is probably not going to convince you otherwise. However, I have to ask due to the way you’ve phrased the question about My Mister in particular: Have you actually watched the drama, or are you only familiar with it from social media and gifs? Because if it’s the later, I can see why you might have formed this opinion. My Mister is an incredibly restrained drama, and the characters in general but Ji An specifically, carry a lot of trauma and emotion beneath the surface and are very reluctant to give anything away lest they be viewed as weak by others. If it’s the former, and you have seen the drama, then I don’t know how you can say, in all sincerity, the performance is one-dimensional or that Ji An only has one expression.

Certainly, Ji An is a very “steely” character.  But that’s because she lives her life on a knife’s edge. When we meet her it’s like she’s already dead, living in despair, trapped in a situation that she can’t see a way out of and perhaps on some level she doesn’t thinks she deserves to escape from. She slowly, very slowly, comes back to life over the course of the drama. That’s is how she is written. I would go further and say that is probably how IU was directed to play her (an actor isn’t an island, the director has a lot of say too in what they show and what they don’t.) I think there are many shades of subtlety in the performance, which cannot be captured by facial expressions alone. They come down to the timbre of her voice, the way she moves and holds herself, etc. Many of which can’t be captured in a gif sets or in stills. However to say that those expressions are the only things IU gets to show in the drama is simply disingenuous.

She gets to show the hard edges of disgust, fear, self-loathing, and cruelty. She also gets to show vulnerability, heartbreak, softness and remorse. She has explosive scenes, she has wrenching scenes, she has quiet scenes of grief and of gratitude.

(Couldn’t find exactly what I was looking for on tumblr so I grabbed these gifs off google images, credit to the gifmakers.)

I think she showcases them all. Maybe these emotions and they’re expression aren’t what you’re looking for in “good acting”. Perhaps there is another deficiency you are seeing that I’m not. Or maybe the way she shows these things isn’t loud enough, big enough or varied enough for your tastes. If that’s the case, then I don’t know what to tell you. Something about it isn’t striking a chord with you. It did for me. There’s really nothing I can do to change your mind.

However, I would venture to ask...did you have the same criticism for Lee Sun Kyun? His character is hardly so expressive that what you’ve said about Ji An couldn’t just as easily apply to Dong Hoon. I’ll go so far as to posit what you might be having a problem with in My Mister is the direction and not the acting.

As far as your critique on HDL that she “does all the right expressions, and they’re all quite convincing, but I never feel like they go beyond the surface” I’m not sure what to tell you. If she does all the right expressions AND they are convincing then how can you say they don’t beyond the surface? If they don’t go beyond the surface, then aren’t what you really saying is they aren’t convincing? At least to you? It could just be that you’re not connecting with her character for one reason or another, or maybe some of the idiosyncrasies of IU’s acting style just don’t connect with you. Maybe this is just a “different strokes for different folks” issue.

I, for one, do not enjoy Suzy’s acting. I think she’s perfectly serviceable as an actor, and she’s improved in recent projects. Even so, she never works for me especially in crying scenes. And kind of like with what you’ve said above, I think she makes the right expressions at the right times, but something about it rings false for me. And I’ve watched enough of her stuff at this point to be certain it wasn’t a one off.

But when it comes down to comparing one actor to another, or IU specifically to some of the actors you’ve mentioned, again I can only plead subjectivity. Different actors bring different strengths to their projects, and some projects require different things of their actors. I could sit here and dither with you about Han Ye Ri (who I think is the best out of the three you’ve mentioned above, and the most similar to IU in the characters she picks and how she plays them) and her different characters, but it would only be a wheel spinning exercise since we’re never going to have an exact one-to-one comparison between people.

To summarize, I believe you when you say you sent this ask in good faith. And I did my best to answer you, though I’m afraid you may not find my analysis very satisfying. This isn’t a subject I can approach with a lot of objectivity, because IU is one of my favorites and like I said, I’m just an amateur critic. If you’re noticing a lot of love and praise post HDL, I think it’s probably a result of the boost she got from My Mister and not as much because of her current drama on its own. Although I think she’s continuing to demonstrate that she knows what she’s doing and her turns in My Mister or Producers or Persona weren’t just a fluke.

Don’t feel like you have to like something just because other people are telling you it’s good. And don’t feel like you have to criticize something because it’s suddenly grown in popularity in a way you didn’t expect. Don’t take all of this too seriously, and try to enjoy yourself out there. That’s all any of us are trying to do, and I think it’s easy to lose sight of that.

Sorry for the long reply. Thank you for the ask.

Jona

[jjunishi]

Choice

Kakegurui au (since I haven't seen any) 

Prompt: In a school run entirely by gambling ability, Katsuki Bakugou is the self-proclaimed king and everyone who challenges him is unlikely to meet a very good outcome. 

Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x fem. reader

Rating: idEk what this is but there’s implied sexy things (characters are aged up) 

Words: 3,234 

Part two? Would anyone want that tho??

It was one of the largest come-ups that Japan has ever seen. Incredible how an unknown family name suddenly became one of the best known and perhaps even infamous names seemingly overnight. The media painted the family out to be one of mystery but with an evident stench of new money, cold hard cash. Overnight, they had one of the largest net worth’s that Japan has ever seen, it was borderline terrifying the power they had. Consequentially, when the only child of the family was enrolled into Hyakkaou Private Academy, it was hardly to the surprise of anyone.

She was the ever so gentle daughter, greatly treasured as the only heir that would inherit the empire. Just as she brushed by the gates of the school, people instantly knew who she was, whether it was for the fame or the controversy. The girl wore a soft smile, beautiful as the rest of her, it was enough to brush off the look she had in her eyes. She fed off of the power and knew how it all worked. Manipulation and people skills were her specialties and the idea of being underestimated only excited her.

Katsuki Bakugou was the self-declared leader of the school, he was the show-man of that entire shit show of a school. Of course, the student council president was the official power of the school but Bakugou had much greater power and influence over the student body than the president ever did. Evidently having such a powerful body among the civil students without being a member of the council was unheard of and so a high position on the council was offered to him but was almost instantly refused. Bakugou thought it was a tacky attempt to control him, caging him in and preventing him from growing any bigger- for the council to control him with their own rules. The idea made Bakugou sick as he thrived in the anarchy that he was otherwise creating, he fed off of the chaos, unpredictability, and the overall fragile state of the system because wasn’t that the exact mirror of a good gamble? Bakugou wanted the fear, he liked the way he was looked at whenever he entered the room, he liked being the obeyed master of his many house pets, he liked knowing that he was truly on top. Most importantly, however, he hated anyone who dared to challenge him- Afterall, nobody was of worth to him.

-

“You’re the heir of that rich family, aren’t you?”

“You’re so pretty!”

“I love the way you do your hair-“

“Want to get desserts later-“

The questions flooded y/n just as she was introduced. She only countered with a soft smile, trying her best to keep up with each question, trying her best to be nice to everyone even though her reputation was already long solidified in that school.

She knew exactly what being in the school entailed and how the system worked- why else would she choose this school over others? Her family loved the thrill and the gene was clearly passed down to her.

“The fuck do you think you are”

The room instantly went silent as a deep aura filled the room and the classroom door was slammed shut. Again, Bakugou’s house pets were as obedient as always.

The girl looked up with questioning innocence as the sea of bodies that once crowded her was suddenly split due just to the voice of the male. Her eyes gleamed as he had clearly caught her attention. So this was the leader- well, more so the rebel. She only sent him an innocent look as she was sure to quickly introduce herself, yet, she didn’t even do so much as stand up to bow to him. Rude, but she knew it would be a bomb to his ego. Bakugou was annoyed by such petty behaviour but he couldn’t lie to himself and say he wasn’t entertained. As a scowl spread over his face, he hissed and grabbed the closest chair to him, flipping it around and setting it down to sit in front of her and backwards on the chair with his hands gripping it. He bit the inside of his cheek as he mustered the best grin he could. Why scare her away this early? She would clearly make a nice little house pet for him, probably a good footrest.

“Listen here, big eyes- “

Weird nickname.

“-I’m sure you already know how this school works. I see you even had a chance to gamble with that dumb Deku, hm?” Bakugou said in the nicest tone he could. It came out as a grumble instead.

“Oh yes! Izuku was quite the opponent, I had a good gamble!”

Good gamble? She wrung him dry of 20 million yen in just three sets.

Having knowledge of this, Bakugou wasn’t certain whether he should go ahead and shamelessly taunt Izuku for his losses or feel annoyance in the innocent way the girl infront of him was speaking. Was she in no way intimidated by him? Was she underestimating him?

“Close the blinds.” He growled out to the students wearing the tags that were crowded behind him, all instantly obeying with the notion of what would be happening next. The room was black under some dim lights came on, lighting up just the table infront of them.

“Oh, I see! You want to play a game, hm? You could have just said!” Her voice was sweet enough to cause a cavity, playing it all up  simply because she knew the effect it had on him, observing from the little time she has known him that he really was a ticking bomb, it only took time and she was going to use it for her advantage.

“Shut up, you idiot, call it for what it is. A fucking gamble.” He spoke with his tone gradually increasing in volume. He flipped his chair around to face her. After all, having the back of the seat against his chest would imply a form of cheating when it came to card games and Bakugou got his ego fed the most by games won with an even gamble.

“Choice poker. Every heard of it, dumbass?” His eyebrows furrowed together tightly in a scowl as a new deck of cards was placed onto the shared desk. Of course, he would pick his favourite game to gamble on.

“I assume it’s like poker…but with a choice” She teased him, propping her elbows onto the desk and placing her chin on her hands. Bakugou had to keep from lashing out then and there- because after all, what did he have to worry about? No way was a little extra going to beat him in a gamble that he pulled all of his house pets in with, it was only a matter of patients before he could laugh in her face and claim the victory (and cash) that he has grown so addicted to.

“Choice poker? I don’t think I’ve ever played; do you care to explain the rules?” She spoke in a soft voice as she tilted her head to the side in curiosity, a soft expression on her face, not even betting on an unfamiliar game seemed to scare her. But of course, she knew the game, she was just using this as a spare chance to analyse him, since the order and tone he describes the rules would stress what he views to be most and least important. What rules a player deems more crucial can definitely reflect the approach they would most likely be taking.

Bakugou let out a tsk of air, annoyed but what more would he expect.

“Fine. Listen well since I’ll only say it once, try and get it through that thick skull of yours.”

He pointed to a member of the crowd of people, “He’ll play the role of the dealer-“. Bakugou was cut off by the female in front of him.

“But that can hardly be fair, a biased dealer isn’t it?”

She earned a smirk and a scoff.

“Of course, I wouldn’t stoop so low as to have such an obvious cheat”

He was an honest player but bluffing and causing uncertainty in his opponent was his best and only cheat.

A voice spoke from the corner of the room, “I will deal”.

It was Shouto Todoroki. He wasn’t a house pet, nor was he interested in gambling his money away, he just respected an artful gamble between two opponents, careful to avoid cheats. He was a dealer that was trusted by the student council and so the rate of turning down Todoroki’s request to deal were very low if an unbiased gamble was that of the objective.

“Perfect, half and half will deal, is that to your shitty standards?” Bakugou leaned forward in his seat with a testing expression. The response he received from her was a satisfied smile and quick nod, “Yes indeed! I know he is a diligent dealer”.

That was among one of the many things she knew.

With a huff and the roll of his eyes, Bakugou proceeded to explain the rules.

Todoroki shuffled the cards.

“It has the same basic rules as common poker, five of a kind are the strongest hand and high card are the weakest hand. The joker is obviously incorporated and is strongest in place of the ace, we play with all 52 cards. But what makes this game interesting isn’t that the strongest hand doesn’t necessarily indicate the winner. The lower hand can win depending on the choosing of the highest better. So, it’s all a game of choice…and how much money you can bet. Oh and you can only exchange your cards once.”

Interesting that he mentioned this last. Rules usually lay this out first but Bakugou is indeed searching for chaos and chance, it’s a game that perfectly mirrored him as an individual. Y/n was sure not to let this bit of information slip.

“Seeing as you robbed Deku of 20 million- I don’t blame you, that idiot wouldn’t know better even if it hit him in the face- and you have that sweet new money, I’m sure you wouldn’t care if we started with 1 million yen chips?” His scarlet eyes gleamed as he twisted a chip in between his fingers.

“Sound’s brilliant! I’ll request 100 million’s worth!”, she chimed in shamelessly.

If Bakugou wasn’t certain in his skills and the fortunes he acquired from his house pets, he would have been irritated. Now he just knew that she really was worthy of becoming his footrest.

A loud laugh fell from his lips,

“I like the way you play, big eyes!”

Still a weird fucking nickname.

“I’ll mirror your 100 million yen”, he wasn’t worried about it, it was pocket change.

The chips were placed on the table and Todoroki has commenced with distributing the cards.

“I’ll bet just 10 million. I’m a gentleman after all.” Bakugou pushed the ten chips forward as he knew y/n would raise by at least 1 million yen, he gave her a smaller risk. It was her first round after all.

She did exactly as he expected and placed down the million. “Does that mean I can choose?”

“Sure does, dumbass”

She made the choice of betting on a stronger hand.

As the two placed their cards down, it was clear that both had bad hands.

However, y/n was gifted with an ace and so she won the set.

“Impressive, lady luck is on your side today”, Bakugou teased. He knew she would win the hand, he scarified it to see if she had a few tells he could pick up on, whether her face contorted in a certain way depending on the hand she was given. No tells. This was an annoyance to him but he viewed it as a mild inconvenience for a greater win.

Todoroki dealt the second hand and Bakugou was quick to exchange a set of queens.

“Wow, that’s quite the bold move, Katsuki, are you going for a weak hand?”

Now her tone was different. It wasn’t sweet, it was now a venom on her tongue. What made Bakugou cringe was his name coming off of her lips. He never introduced himself and now it became evident that she knew more than he thought she did.

She was done playing games.

“Or are you perhaps making me think you are? What are you hiding there? I bet it’s a pair of kings…maybe the joker, you seemed to like that card quite a bit” she set her cards down on the table as she pushed in all of her chips.

“Raise 1 million yen!”

Why was she betting like this on a hand she potentially figured out? Why wasn’t she going all in? Bakugou was actually starting to fell uncertainty because he was unable to understand her nor her motives. She knew his move, but she also knew he could easily out bet her even if she did have the upper hand from having one the last hand.

“Raise 70 million.” Bakugou was becoming jaded with his hand, all he could do is out bet her in that moment. But that also appeared to be what she was trying to make him do…unless she certainly either had a set of twos or knew that he didn’t really have the joker. She was bluffing.

“I guess I’ll have to call, I’m not ready to go all in yet”, she spoke with such a slickness in her voice, it was eerie, but it got Bakugou going even more than he already was.

“I bet on a stronger hand’, that seemed to be the best choice for him at that very moment, she did spend more time focusing on the likelihood that he would bet on a weaker hand after all.

“Please show your hands”, said Todoroki as he motioned to the desk on which they were playing.

Of course, Babkugou was right. He won the hand easily with the pair of fours.

But his heart still raced. She had a terrible hand dealt to her; she was doomed to lose either way so why would she try to out bet him knowing that both of her predicted outcomes out have led to her downfall.

“I guess this hand goes to you! Well played, Katsuki!”

He scowled at the name that left her lips. How dare she talk to him with such informality, he was clearly on a higher rank than she as and he was also winning their gamble.

But this wasn’t an attempt to annoy him nor was she trying to be rude, she was hinting at the fact that she already had him figured out and all it took was the play of two hands.

She had full control over the outcome of the game, having completely taken it from Bakugou. In her eyes, this was an absolute win because they weren’t playing for the heaps of cash they were betting on, but dominance and their own pride.

           The final hand was commenced, cards were shuffled and distributed. Without even looking at her hand, she pushed fourth all of the remaining chips she had.

“I raise 40 million yen”, her voice was a lot darker than the sweet voice he heard addressing him at the time of his very arrival into the room. Her voice was as sweet as candy, but it wasn’t real cherry, just a chemical imitation but nonetheless addictive.

“You Idiot!”, he cried out a laugh, “you’re either one bold bitch or just completely insane!”

Bakugou pushed all of his chips in as well. He had the choice since there was nothing left to bet.

This was finally when y/n decided to look at her cards. Her expression was indifferent from the rest. Babkugou was at a complete loss. Although he had the advantage in choosing the winning hand, his option wasn’t any easier now. He had a straight flush of high cards, the odds were entirely in his favour and all he had to do was choose a strong hand.

“what’s wrong, Katsuki…you have a clear decision infront of you…”

She was suddenly standing up from her seat and slowly dragging her fingers over the desk, a few chips knocked from their nearly stacked towers.

She circled until she stood behind him. Her breath was hot against the back of his neck as her plush chest pressed between his shoulder blades.

“What’s wrong…aren’t you going to bet on the strong hand? That seems to be your preferred winning. With a strong hand isn’t it? That’s your style…twisting up your opponent and making them think that the cards dictate your choice- but you love the control…you love to be on top and mysterious, while having all of these ‘extras’ figured out from front to back…So, why are you hesitating now?”

Bakugou’s throat was dry. She had him completely figured out.

“You seem a little hot under the collar, darling…is everything alright?” she whispered against his ear, her fingers travelling along his shoulders before she gently unbuttoned the top button of his shirt…then the second…stopped after doing the third.

He was entertained, after all, she was one of the only opponents to make him feel this way and to come so close.

But the win was his.

So why was he in doubt?

“Come on… show me my fate…am I yours to play with? Or are you mine?”

“Stronger fucking hand!”, his rage and hotheadedness spilled over in that moment as he tossed his cards onto the table. It was a perfect hand, he had the joker too.

The girl behind him kept her calm and slowly revealed her cards only to him.

She had a shitty hand again. But if he chose to choose a weak hand, she would have lost without doubt.

“I guess that’s it”, that was the last thing she whispered to him before she slid back into her seat.

“You fucking house pet!”, he cried out, his eyes a blood red as a wide grin spread across his face. Now he was the one standing. “Unless you can pay up, where’s my 200 million?”

It was no question that she had the money, she just wanted to lie, entertain herself and use the rules of the school to her own advantage. Not a surprise, since this type of manipulation was how her family rose to the top so quickly. She was the heir all in all and he was a pawn in her game.

But he was also one in his.

Unknown to the both of them, a mutual relationship of advantages and pleasure was birthed in that room at the cost of those 200 million yen.

“I don’t have it-“

This threw Bakugou in a fit of laugher. It was a lot better winning out of uncertainty, this was the type of gamble he came to be addicted to.

“What will you do? Tie me up? Walk me on a leash like a good kitten? Strip poker maybe? We could even play Russian roulette!”

She was mocking him but little did she knew that his true ideas went above and beyond.

“That’s for me to know and for you to find out…What happens to you is up to me to decide… You’re mine now, kitten….and it only cost me a game of choice.”

Okay so this was my first lil dabble thing, I have plans to continue it but it all depends on the feedback! Please leave a comment on what you liked and what wasn’t that great, constructive criticism is greatly appreciated!

I own none of the right to the characters or plots mentioned. 

[rivalsofnycupdates]

“Born within five minutes of each other, alike as two peas in a pod, they have a connection beyond words.”

■ ABOUT. ■

name: Mila Torres age: forty-four occupation: Devils Secretary gender: cis-female pronouns: she/her sexuality: utp

■ HISTORY. ■

Mila and her brother Antonio had always been together at the hip, this wasn’t surprising Considering they were twins. Mila and her brother grew up around very old money from their paternal side of the family. Though Mila’s mother came from a very down to earth upbringing and always wanted to do good for the world. Her mother’s plan initially had been to have a family of four, though after giving birth to the twins, her body physically couldn’t handle it. Her parents thought about their options. They toyed between adoption, or surrogacy, though her mother instead realized there were many kids and teenagers who needed love. From that decided the married couple purchased a very large house, with plenty of bedrooms in order to foster as many kids as their money could allow. Living in a house with many people, was a very interesting experience. Mila’s mother carried out a great balance between disciplined and loving. When any of the kids were out of line, the house was large enough to spread chores around for days. Housework and yardwork were the two forms of discipline growing up. It’s the reason why Mila hates gardening to this day. 

Growing up in a house with that many kids, most with troubled pasts, she’d seen many things a child shouldn’t see. She walked in to see her foster siblings taking drugs, more times than she can count. Some images in that house were truly terrifying to a kid, though others were incredible. One teenager who offered pleasant and unpleasant memories was Sofia Gomez. Sofia entered their house when she was thirteen. She, Mila and her brother really hit it off, became the best of friends pretty quickly. For three years, Mila felt like her parents had found her another sister, they would share clothes, learn how to drive, do silly acts of rebellion, share secrets, most things two sisters would do. To this day she considers those years to be some of the best years in her life. It all ended too quickly when one morning, Sofia and all of her belongings were gone. At that time, it wasn’t easy to find people once they’d disappeared from your life, despite her efforts, Sofia was gone. 

Years later, her parents passed away, and they left the large house in their name. Mila wanted to continue what her mother build, she wanted to be the head of a household for foster kids. She wanted to be that stability she knows they need. Her brother didn’t have the same view. Since they possessed the bank cards, she only had control of half the money. Her brother was careless and she’s confident her parents wouldn’t be proud of how they spend their money. Due to her brother's irresponsibility, the two had a falling out and they were apart for many years. During that time, Mila used her parent's money to get a degree in finance, then continued to work in her field while slowly getting the right certificates to offer her house to foster kids. When she finally achieved that dream, it was much harder than her mother made it look to be. She also realized this wasn’t something that could be accomplished on one payroll. She’d begun to really struggle and in a moment of desperation, she began stealing from her client's accounts. Slowly and surely over years, she stole close to millions of dollars, before getting caught and sent to prison. 

Thankfully she was able to get a good lawyer and an even better deal in court. She went to prison for 4 years and gave up everything she owned, including the house she grew up in, leaving her with nothing. Her first time in prison was hard, she had to live with the failure she’d caused. She failed everyone around her, the foster kids, her brother and worse of all she failed her mother. Though after those four years there was one thing that changed her, that was her nephew Jamie Gomez. When Sofia entered back into her life, showing obvious signs of drug withdrawal with a six-year-old holding her hand. Mila looked at the boy and felt as if the lord was giving her one more chance to do the right thing. Though there something about him looked familiar. She was able to notice it more and more over the next few weeks, while Sofia stayed at hers to detox and get clean. As she looked at the boy, she remembered a very vivid and unpleasant memory just before she left, walking into her and her brother having sex. She realized soon after that this boy was her nephew. When Sofia sobered up, Mila asked who the father was, Sofia told her it was a random person. Though something in her gut didn’t believe it, the more she pushed, the more Sofia pushed back, and just like years before. Mila woke up without any hint that the little boy and his mother had even stayed with her for the last week. 

■ WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON? ■ 

Mila was first introduced to the Quantum of Devils through her brother, during that time they were apart, he’d got himself into some trouble and they somehow had helped him. She didn’t know what it is they had done, though, since their time apart, he has shown more loyalty for the gang than he had for her when their parents died. She initially didn’t want to be involved, though her brother made it seem as if she didn’t have a choice. He’d always been so poor at managing anything and when he found himself getting into trouble, she was the first person he called. Mila always knew that whenever her brother started something she will be called on to fix whatever situation he got himself into. This time, the stakes were much higher since she knew not to get in trouble with the gangs, instead, she was able to use her previous embezzlement skills to forge what she needed to make it look like nothing was wrong. After fixing his problem, he begged her to stay on, and become a member. While it wasn’t something she wanted to do, she didn’t have any income, and she was sick of working at the diner. She was too good to work in a restaurant, even she knew that. So she did, she introduced herself and worked her way in and years later she’s now become the Secretary. At first, she wasn’t sure about committing to the gang, though the Quantum of Devils definitely proved themselves to her. They weren’t the outlaw's people mistook them for, she realized this club, was like her second family, similar to her house of foster children when she was a kid.

■ KEEP THIS AWAY FROM YOUR ENEMIES ■

It’s been ten years since Jamie entered her life and at the time she knew she should try to find out who his father is, though requesting a DNA test wasn’t as advanced as it was now. Recently, she’d found his research history regarding 23 & Me and she knew she needed to act fast. The motherly instinct in her wanted to confirm or deny her thoughts before he was to find out on his own. It’s for that reason, she ordered a DNA kit from an independent company and had Jamie’s hair tested against her brother Antonio. When the results came in, she’d been incredibly nervous. She hadn’t told a soul what she’d been up to, and knew that whatever the results were, it would still change Jamie’s life forever. As she saw the words, “Match” written at the top of the page, she wasn’t entirely shocked, though now she felt as though the whole world had been on her shoulders.

■ RELATIONSHIPS. ■

■ Margot Yang: Since joining the Quantum of Devils, she and Margot have sparked an incredible friendship. Partly it was due to their similar age, though really she saw Margot as an unbelievably strong woman whom she respected very much.

■ Garett Miller: Due to her brothers lack of business skills, she slipped into the role of drug sales and has worked closely with Garrett for a few months. With their recent move to New York City, he’s asked her to step up as VP and she hasn’t decided if she’ll accept.

Jamie Gomez: For years Mila regretted pushing Sofia for more answers or not taking action herself and submitting a DNA test. She tried to search for Sofia though she was impossible to find, ten years went by before she got a phone call from a teenage boy, he was sixteen and claimed that his mother died. Mila finally had her opportunity to do the right thing and take Jamie in as her own.

■ CONNECTIONS. ■

■  Stella Dawson > Previous Foster Child

■  Isaac Abrigo > Occasional Secret Hookup

■  Margaret Brooks > Friend

Mila Torres is an OPEN character and is portrayed by Morena Baccarin who’s FC IS SEMI NEGOTIABLE.

[justsomeelf]

Was Korekiyo Shinguji Innocent?

!tw: lots of abuse topics !!This is very long but there’s a TLDR at the bottom !!!Danganronpa spoilers ahead for V3 (obviously)

Cough oh shit look at that, discourse which no one cares about because I’m irrelevant.

No but seriously, I want to make this perfectly clear before I begin, I am writing this while throwing away my biases and being as open-minded as I always try to be. This is going to be an incredibly long post about what people think about Korekiyo Shinguji, and that reasons for disliking him isn’t as shallow as just disapproving of the actions he took in the game. If you’re interested about what I have to say, click keep reading, if you just want a shorter version of what I meant there’s a TLDR at the bottom.

Oh wow you actually clicked it? Wait, wait, gotta keep this professional. So I’ll be splitting the topics around Korekiyo as; Storyline, Character Design and Personality, Fandom’s Backstory Headcanons, The “Main Problem”, and a Conclusion. Remember, you don’t have to read all of it, there’s still a TLDR at the bottom, but thanks for giving this a chance!

Danganronpa V3 Storyline

We are all aware at this point at what happened in V3 regarding Shingucci, and if you aren’t aware, then why are you reading this-

Throughout the first chapter Korekiyo is mostly just neutral and calm throughout everything, but still a little creepy with a few off hand comments about the beauty of humanity. Similar events happen in Chapter 2, calm, not really bothered by his fellow Ultimates no matter how bizarre some of them are. Rather helpful in the trial but still annoyed by Himiko’s insistence on genuine magic and continues to theorise how she could be the culprit, but was still mostly the same even after seeing Kirumi’s undignified exit and execution at the end of the trial. Chapter 3 rolls around and Angie decides to try and resurrect one of our fallen Ultimates, Kiyo decides to hold a seance to communicate with one of the lost spirits as well, but of course this is just a murder plan in disguise to send his sister more “friends”. Angie accidentally walks in on Kiyo mid-saw-cutting and to make sure she couldn’t tell anyone about his plans later on, he hits her over the head then brings her to her own lab, ends her life, and sets up a lock mechanism to lock the lab with the corpse in it.

He continues his seance plan due to ‘not wanting it to go to waste’, and says the next day they should use it to contact Angie. More stuff happens and Kiyo’s pleased with Tenko being such a good candinate to be his sister’s friend, and proceeds to kill her with the plan he originally set up. (While also setting it up so he could almost perfectly pin it on Himiko.) During the trial he’s as composed as ever but as more clues show him towards him being the culprit to both of the murders, he becomes increasingly more erratic, and the tulpa split personality of his sister appearing to calm him, but he eventually admits to being the culprit. After the trial he confesses his reasoning, the incestuous relationship with his older sister who he swore to send 100 (female) friends to after her sickly passing. Obviously, people were going to be disgusted by the incestuous relationship he had with his older sister, but that’s not always the reason people are going to dislike him in the story. 

Korekiyo obviously hadn’t done much in the first two chapters aside from being helpful in the trials, and people don’t particularly like it when characters they like are killed, in Chapter 3 that concerns Angie, Tenko, and Kiyo. Angie was increasingly infuriating towards her demise, with the Student Council and the actions she took for what she wanted with the school, but was still an enjoyable character with her cheery attitude and honestly good intentions. Tenko both is and isn’t quite popular, with her resentment of men (which I won’t get into because that’s another topic entirely) gaining her hate, but her good intentions and wishes for friendship making her a likeable character. Kiyo hadn’t done much to establish his character side from being creepy, calm, and neutral, which doesn’t put much towards liking him if there’s no reason to, that isn’t to say there’s a reason to dislike him, just that there’s not enough events to show him in a highly positive light.

Character Design & Personality

To be perfectly fair, Kiyo’s final design was pretty well made in terms of appearance. By Kodaka taking a combination of multiple sorts of imagery, including underground culture, anthropology, and visual style, made him pleasing to look at aesthetically and in terms of genuine character. People can dislike him but still see his positive points essentially, at least design wise.

His personality is essentially what was previously mentioned, neutral, calm, creepy sometimes, and that’s essentially it. During the third trial he quickly became panicky when it was becoming obvious he had killed both Angie and Tenko (side note: it was extremely obvious he had killed Tenko from the start, Angie was the difficult one) but was calmed down by the ghost of his sister, also claiming he was deeply in love with her with what seemed to be genuine sincerity. There is also the fact that Kiyo felt no guilt for killing all those women to send to his sister, and seemed to consider everyone in the academy his “friends”, indicating he’s unable to understand or care about what other people feel. In the end he finally accepts his defeat and is executed by Monokuma and the later appearance of his sister’s spirit, causing his last expression to be disbelief and horror as both of them banish his spirit to the afterlife. The point of this paragraph is that although I understand why people can like his personality, people are allowed to dislike the kind of person he is by finding him boring, maybe a little annoying, selfish for having no regards for what the other characters felt, and it’s fine, because even if people dislike his personality they can still see why people like his personality.

Fandom’s Backstory Headcanons

Of course to start off with, there’s the canonical backstory of Korekiyo that we were given through FTEs and the storyline.  Kiyo had a sickly older sister who almost constantly required to be in the hospital, since she was lonely without friends Kiyo would spend all of his time with her. One day reading a book about Anthropology with his sister who suggested he could research it, motivating him to become an anthropologist. His sister normally picked most things for him, his hair, tailoring his uniform, and so on. According to Korekiyo, he had an incestuous relationship with her, believing it was truly love with no care of what others thought, although at some point his sister died. Left alone and frustrated he swore to kill and send 100 friends to her since she had none in her lifetime, we’re also able to assume he got somewhere close to that number before his death though. (side note: I personally headcanon that Tenko was the 99th “friend”). While travelling he had been captured and tortured by locals, leading him to hallucinate his sister that calmed him down, which also caused him to form a split personality/tulpa.

Since that’s about all the information we were given, of course it left the fandom theorising and wondering about possibilities. There’s the semi-popular headcanon of Kiyo that he was abused by that sister, of course there’s obvious signs of manipulation in their relationship, telling him how to act, dress, talk, what to do and like and so on. The headcanon is also backed up by canon, which essentially does imply he was manipulated and abused by the sister, as he spent so much time with her that she relied on him.

(Personal Experience Ahead, I don’t mind it if you skip) I tried to force myself to like Kiyo. I really did. I thought that with this idea it does explain his actions better than the canon did. But I couldn’t. I was and still am abused by my older sister for a decade now, emotionally/psychologically, verbally, and physically. Now leaving me medically diagnosed with anxiety (social and generalised), depression, and PTSD. While the fandom seems to say Kiyo had been abused psychologically and some add sexually abused. Abuse is a difficult topic to talk about, even bringing it up in this sense has brought back horrible memories from my life, if you do genuine research or know from experience what that abuse like that is like, it’s fine and I wish the best for you. But please do not just slap “abused” on like a label, like it justifies his actions. I said previously it explains it, not justifies. The “Main Problem”

I’m sure some people would be aware this was coming, if you have knowledge of V3′s full game, simply hearing Kiyo’s name will remind you of the third trial.

Korekiyo’s sister. Implied to be abusive, manipulative, constantly sick, dependant on Kiyo, now deceased, and previously in an incestuous relationship with him. The things Kiyo said about her would obviously throw everyone off, incest is quite revolting, so of course people would dislike him after hearing he was in a relationship with his older sister.

But that does not mean it’s the only reason to dislike Korekiyo.

(Intense) Kiyo fans immediately go to hating on and blaming the canon whenever someone says they dislike him, assuming they’re always referring to the sister relationship for their dislike. That is not always going to be the reason. Yes, the presence of the incestuous relationship is problematic if you want people to like Kiyo, but please don’t always assume it’s because of the third chapter. It’s as simple as having an open conversation, not attacking the creators, the character, or the person you’re disagreeing with, then if you can’t reach a conclusion, just agree to disagree and leave it there.

Conclusion I guess

Obviously most of this was just covering what we already knew, but reminding information is normally necessary for things like this. Did I just waste hours of my time writing an essay on a fictional character? Yes. Do I expect everyone to agree? No. Do I mind? No. Was there a reason to make this? Yeah, kinda. I just want to lay it out there that people are entitled to their own opinions, free speech and all that good shit. So people are allowed to decide whether they like Kiyo or not, just don’t hate them or assume and scream that it’s only because of chapter 3 that they dislike him. Everyone can have an opinion, people like Kiyo for their own reasons, people dislike Kiyo for their own reasons, V3 is done and finished. If you’re still unsatisfied you can go ahead and argue with me, I’ll try to stay level headed and hear you out. 

TLDR: People can have opinions. Kiyo stans don’t always assume it’s because of the sister that people dislike Kiyo, you can say he’s underrated or overrated it doesn’t matter either way, just don’t shove it down people’s throats. You’re all entitled to your own opinions and ideas, as long as you can reach a conclusion together that doesn’t end in hate it should be fine.

Either way, if you read this far I hope you have a good day/night! Stay hydrated, eat some snacks and all that jazz!

[roxannarambles]

Roxy Rambles About Mystic Messenger (& mostly 707)

So, last year, I saw one of my online friends posting screenshots on their twitter. It looked like some kind of chatroom, but their tweets referred to it as a game, so I got confused and asked them about it. They explained it was actually a phone game-- specifically, a story-focused dating game aimed at a primarily female audience, also known as an otome. 

(click below for full post. Caution: contains major spoilers for Mystic Messenger, as well as opinions. oh gosh. opinions oh no.)

Amused, I downloaded the game just to satiate my curiosity. And what I found was pleasantly more engaging and well-done then I had expected. While I wouldn’t call the writing of Mystic Messenger to be consistently fantastic-- there are ups and downs-- there are definitely plenty of spots that are downright poignant.

There’s a cast of characters to choose from, of course, as these games go, and you can choose to date them one at a time to play out all the endings of the game. First I dated this young college boy who was addicted to gaming, and who had never dated before and was still struggling to adjust to living alone now and being a new adult. His gaming addiction sprung from his depression and general sense of aimlessness at what he wanted to do in life. Honestly, there was a lot to relate to with the character, and I feel like the storyline was, for the most part, thoughtful and maturely handled. 

Next I dated the female character, and much of her storyline and character development was very engaging and even poignant as well. She worked as an assistant for a major company and was deeply overworked and unhappy in her job but felt kind of trapped in it and lacked confidance to break away. You become her friend and confidant and cheer her on and encourage her and she eventually gains the self-knowledge and courage she needs to find her own path in life. Again, so much to relate to and so many great messages there. I genuinely enjoyed it.

There’s certainly some aspects of this game that were not written quite so well; sometimes the drama really went over the top. This is especially the case with Zen’s route where his abusive family was hypercontrolling over his life because he was . . . too beautiful? I found it rather silly. There’s a LOT of abusive family/tragic backstories that went a little over the top in these stories, but I suppose the soap operatic mellodrama is supposed to be part of the appeal.

Despite those weaknesses in the writing, it does not disguise the strengths, and when they shined through, they really shined through; with dialogue that usually felt very natural and on-the-mark and some really great moments.

And then . . . there was 707.

This is the character I ended up liking too much. You can’t even date him until you earn enough of the in-game special currency to unlock his route (or spend real money). He was swathed largely in mystery as a hacker who kept his privacy and a lot of secrets. His presence in the chats mainly consisted of adding a hyper, cheerful, goofy presence, joking about, being good-natured, launching the occasional prank campaign (which at first I perceived as needlessly cruel, but as time went on the tone in which it was intended was further revealed; the same could be said about Jahee saying very nosy and cruel things at times about Yoosung, etc.) and babbling about his passions (which largely consisted of cars, cats, and Dr. Pepper).

And yes, I ended up liking him the best. One of the best things about the game was the phone calls you received from the characters. They were generously long, well-written and well voice-acted. You actually get to know the cast of characters very well that way. When I initially hated Zen because of his narcissism, he called me during other routes and I learned a lot about him that way and found out he was actually a good guy (they just perhaps oversold the narcissism to a ridculous degree at times). Same for Seven—you knew so precious little of him, but his phone calls on other routes revealed just a tad more, giving you a flavor for his presence that transcended the relative lack of information. He especially became involved during the latter part of the story routes, when the action and danger elements of the plot kicked in and he was tasked with trying to keep you safe.

Ahhhh, I don’t know. I’m trying to recall the moment I decided he was the best one, but I can’t. I do remember the way he signed off his phone calls was always charming as heck. At some point I decided I would date the nerd as the last one, because that is how I wished to finish it, as he was my favorite.

I wasn’t entirely stupid, and I caught the hints in the game at a very angsty and dramatic backstory for him. So I knew it wouldn’t be all fun and happytimes, but he was still the best one to me anyway. And it was fun to spend time speculating on his mysteries while dating the others.

Over my winter break I got the Christmas DLC to noodle around with before continuing with the main story, since it ‘twas the season. They let you date anyone in that short little sidestory. I had not selected anyone in particular when I started but it rapidly became obvious there was no way I was going to do anyone but him, as I was too impatient. After that, well, during the main story I was SUPPOSED to do Jumin’s route first. That had been my intent. And I started out that way! But I quickly abandoned it.

Seven, like the others, has things that are easy to relate to. In his case, I found his energy, playfulness and optimism even in the face of darkness to be highly relatable. He was actually very depressed and had seriously negative self-perceptions and had a very painful past. But he was both positive and negative at once. And I know that experience. To be both optimistic and deeply pessimistic; to be both cheerful and playful yet also in so much pain. To like yourself but also to hate yourself quite strongly. It does not make much sense, but you can be both at once, and it has been my case for many years. The playfulness and antics helped Seven to stay bouyed above the ocean of pain, to survive, and I feel at times like that is what keeps me afloat too. We differ in that I tend to gaze directly into the dark pit of my despair far more often than he did, while he tended to do everything he could to pretend it did not exist; yet still, there’s much to relate to and understand.

And there’s much to admire. Because while part of it may be escapism from pain and failing to cope with your sense of sorrow or emptiness, a sheer coping mechanism that is not truly coping, it’s also . . . admirable. Because part of it is truly, genuinely who you are: a happy, optimisitc person, who manages to hold on to some of that spark and cheer and refuses to let it be consumed by the black. You still cling to joy. You don’t forget how to have fun. You are . . . incomplete, but at least you are still fighting, still searching. To keep that spark alive? That is so brave.

And I love him for that, and for his weirdness. He loves the funny and the weird and the wonderful, and he’s imaginiative. Perhaps fantasy and imagination is part of what lets us feed our spark in dark, cold times. He’s creative and incredibly intelligent and talented. He has hobbies and passions (cool ones!). He is kind and generous and giving to others, always there to help them out. There is so much depth and complexity, not just a surface-level cheap phone game drama. And the voice acting, especially, imparts so much sincerity and life.

Plus, he made me a robotic puppy as a gift. If that’s not the coolest, most sweetest, fantastic way to express your love, I don’t know what is.

I had to go through QUITE the dramatic, angst-packed storyline on his route, because the writers of this game tend to go overboard on that, and I never do well with heavy angst. While I did not enjoy the angst, and it was honestly rather difficult and painful to get through, I was willing to stick it out because of how excellent a character Seven is.

I’m not about to claim Mysme is a perfect game. There are some elements I find downright problematic. When I went back later and played Jumin’s route, for example, I found it pretty disturbing; his “good” ending seems to teach the impressionable young people playing this game that it’s okay if a man locks you up in his apartment and refuses to let you leave-- as long as you’re patient and understanding, he’ll eventually change and become a better person. (Guys? This is not OK.) There’s some crap I could get into when discussing Rika as well, but I think you get the idea that the story isn’t always perfect. 

That said, I don’t expect anything to be perfect, and there are a ton of positives to be found in this otome as well. Overall, I really enjoyed the game. I haven’t played any other otomes, but I suspect this one is a cut above the rest. 

In the end, I guess the moral of my story is . . . try out something new. You never know when something really silly ends up being a lot better then expected.

[realityhelixcreates]

Lasabrjotr Chapter 9: The Nine Realms: 101

Chapters: 9/? Fandom: Thor (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe Rating: Teen And Up Warnings: Mention of implied non-con, mention of implied past abuse, Mentions of colonialism Relationships: Loki x Reader (But not yet) Characters: Loki (Marvel), Thor (Marvel), OFC, Heimdall(Marvel), Brunnhilde/Valkyrie(Marvel) Additional Tags: Post-Endgame: Best Possible Ending, Reader was Once Part of a Board of Paranoid Conspriacy Theorists and has Never Denied Being One of Them, Reader Gets Things Twisted, Loki shows off, Loki is Jealous and Doesn’t Know Why, Time For a History Lesson, My Headcanons; Let Me Show You Them, Writer Loves Worldbuilding, Ode to the Worst World Mythology Book I’ve Ever Read Summary: Reader gets some disturbing ideas from a poorly written world mythology book, and also a joint history/astronomy lesson

Andsvarr would not let you leave the rooms that day, and he did not know when Loki would be back. You understood that the man was a prince and had a great deal of responsibility, but you didn’t know what to do with yourself while you waited.

Saldis had been by, to deliver a disappointingly small stack of English language books.

“They were with the donations.” She explained. “So there’s likely to be more at some time. Until then, this is all we’ve got.”

Four books, that was all. One on world mythology, another on Icelandic history. One astronomy textbook, and the last, a volume of the works of Shakespeare, containing his tragedies.

Well, if all you could do was wait, then it couldn’t hurt to learn a thing or two.

The ‘world mythology’ book was much more of a ‘Greek mythology with a few short entries from everywhere else’ book, but the small Norse section nevertheless contained some rather shocking concepts. You did not recognize the Loki portrayed here, nor the Thor. There were many other names listed, none of whom you had met. Where were the rest of them? Had they all died in the tragedy that brought all of Asgard here to Earth? Or were they just out doing their jobs, like Heimdall, and you simply hadn’t crossed paths yet?

Once you’d read through the tiny section, wondering where the heck this Odin fellow was, you had to turn back to the much larger Greek and Roman section. They probably weren’t the same gods with different names, as you had once surmised, but they were contemporary with the Norse figures, and might help you understand godhood and your relation to it a bit better.

A few hours of reading passed, and the results were not comforting. Either the author had a major bias, or the gods were just kind of terrible. Every story seemed littered with assault and murder, suffering, revenge, and sexual misconduct-to put it delicately! Why could the gods turn humans into other things, but not turn them back? Why was every story so sad? Why so many non-consensual relations? Was that just the nature of dealings between man and god? If so, did the royal brothers simply see everything that had already happened to you-and everything that might happen to you in the future-as completely acceptable and normal? Where were the lines drawn?

Back on the fens, Iron Man had accused Loki of kidnapping you across the sea like it was still the Viking age. Loki hadn’t refuted the claim; he hadn’t even reacted to it. The last time an Asgardian had set foot on this planet, that had been seen as a completely normal thing to do. A legitimate way to get oneself a wife. Or at least, a female slave that they could do whatever they wanted with.

Loki’s time on Earth had been very short. What if he wasn’t up to date yet? What if that was how he saw you? What if he came to expect certain things from you? What might he do if you didn’t provide?

What could you do? Pretty much nothing, that’s what. This was exactly why you didn’t want to be dependent on him, or any man really, for your living conditions. You’d already been with someone who had gotten you into just such a situation. Him, you had been able to walk away from, eventually, though it had left you with scars and baggage. You had no means of escape from Loki.

And he had suddenly gotten so very tactile. Almost the very instant he knew that you would be staying, that he had gotten that concession to let him ‘take care’ of you out of you. Had he taken that as consent? How far was he going to take it? What could you do to fight back? Could you?

You set the book aside, and gazed out the window at the budding city, trying to calm down. Surely you were jumping to too many conclusions. There was no evidence for any of this, except for every entry in that book, which unapologetically painted the gods as major league assholes.

It wormed its way nefariously into your brain. Thousands of years was a long time to do truly awful things, and become jaded about them. Or simply forget they had even happened! A long time to justify, to normalize. What might be hidden, coiled up in his past, waiting to spring out at you? You didn’t know the man!

The book openly described him as a god of evil. Of trickery and lies, of deception. It didn’t seem possible. Evil wasn’t a solid concept. Acts could be evil, deeds could be evil, but evil as a concept was nebulous. It couldn’t be embodied by one person. People could, and did frequently do both.

But what if you were wrong? While you considered yourself as well educated as you could get on your own, it wasn’t as if you had never been fooled before. And if he was basically the god of fooling people, really so cold-hearted and vicious, really just playing a little game with your life, how would you ever know?

You were stuck trusting him, while the only source of information you had said that was a thing you should absolutely never do. So which did you believe; your own brief experiences, or an author who might be biased or might be an actual expert on the subject?

Did it matter? Knowing what he might do to you did you no good if you had no way to escape it. Maybe you should just steel yourself to the idea that he might not be done taking from you.

You were wound tight as a wire by the time you heard him enter the rooms, and you prayed to whoever might be out there that he would just skip checking in on you.

There might be thousands of gods in the universe, but they were all deaf tonight. Loki opened the door without even knocking.

“It’s dinnertime.” Was all he said, clearly expecting you to simply come along. So that’s what you did.

                                                                                   *****

Brunnhilde was a goddess too; the book had said that all Valkyries were. Not goddesses of anything in particular, apparently, but divine nonetheless. You were the only one at the table who was…lesser. Even Heimdall had come in and joined you all for supper.

Why Loki insisted on having you there baffled you. That first night was obviously a formality, but there was no reason to keep bringing you along. You felt even more awkward and out of place tonight, and he still kept touching you!

But with a bunch of gods at the table, maybe you could get a few answers.

“Um, if you don’t mind me asking, where’s Freya?”

Thor hadn’t been expecting the question, but didn’t seem offended by it.

“She’s on Vanaheim, naturally.” He said, as if it were obvious. As if you knew what Vanaheim was.  “Along with her brother, and her father. Among others. Right?”

He looked at Heimdall, who gazed at the ceiling for a long moment.

“Yes.” He said simply.

“Good. They are just elsewhere right now, why?”

“Well, I just wondered why they weren’t here with the rest of you.” You said. The book had said that Heimdall could see anything, anywhere. It looked like that part was true. Did that mean the rest of it was? “Or why you weren’t with the rest of them. Why you decided to relocate here instead of…Vanaheim, was it?”

“The Earth is among the largest of the ni-eight realms.” Thor explained. “There is room for us here. And to be perfectly honest, humankind is much better at adapting to the presence of strangers than any other people I know. It must have something to do with your unusually short lifespans. Or maybe the almost aggressively social nature of your species.”

“What are the eight realms?” you asked. Your book must have skipped over that part, in its brevity.

“I believe an astronomy lesson just got planned for tomorrow.” Loki said.

“History too.” Brunnhilde added. “How’d you like to be the first human in centuries to gain an education in Asgardian history?”

“Second.” Thor muttered very quietly.

Loki and Heimdall seemed to both find that one spot on the ceiling very interesting, while Brunnhilde attempted to stare more information out of Thor.

None of your business. You turned your attention to your serving of creamy yogurt stuff-skyr-and its delicious red berry topping. Why didn’t they have this stuff back home? It was amazing. You didn’t allow Loki to drag you away until you’d finished every bit.

                                                                                     *****

 You ended up in the big library again, in another newish layered dress of green, black, and gold. They weren’t being very subtle about this. It wasn’t that they were bad colors, it was just that they were so very specific.

The prince and the Valkyrie had taken over an entire table, piled it high with books and illustrations. Loki waved you over excitedly.

“We’ve devised a joint lesson that you should find very enlightening. Come, sit. You will like this.”

He pulled your chair out for you, a noble gesture that was mostly lost on you. He took his own seat beside you.

“Let me start with the local galactic supercluster.” Loki said.

“The what now?”

“Yggdrasil.”

“The what now?”

He gestured grandly at the center of the table, from which a billowing figure began to grow and branch. Bright lights blossomed in places, glittering sparks shimmered across limbs of darkness. A masterpiece of tiny details, almost incomprehensible outside of context. It was incredibly beautiful.

“Is this…is it space?” You hazarded a guess. You hadn’t gotten very far in your astronomy book, but he had called it a ‘galactic supercluster’ which sounded rather self-explanatory.

“Oh yes. This is Yggdrasil. The Tree of Worlds, the Guardian of Wisdom. Is it not glorious?”

Another gesture, and the image began to slowly rotate.

“It’s very beautiful.” The way he was looking at you was so expectant. Was he showing off? “This is full of galaxies then? All these lights?”

“The lights are individual stars. But the glow you see is the combined light of tens of thousands of galaxies. Asgard once held influence over great swathes of this area, and our name was known and respected all throughout.”

You stared. This one image represented an area bigger than you could possibly comprehend.

“How?” You asked. It didn’t seem like there were enough Asgardians to even leave a single representative in every galaxy therein. How could the influence of one species reach so far?

“Same way everyone else does.” Brunnhilde said. “We’re really good at stabbing things.”

“There were a number of factors.” Loki said dryly. “Our great lifespans, prior connections made with other races, expansive colonies, the high number of Aesir born to us, and of course, the Bifrost. Other races had those other things to some degree or another, but no one else had a Bifrost.”

“That’s the beam of light that brought me here, isn’t it?” You asked. “That’s the thing that brought Thor, uh, the king back and forth between Asgard and Earth, right?”

“The one that brought you here is but the palest reflection of what we once had.” Loki said. “But give it time, and we will rebuild it to be as great as it once was, perhaps even better. I’m not sure you will live that long though. Maybe, if we are lucky, I can show you another planet someday.”

It was a good thing you were sitting down. The very thought of being on another world was both terrifying and elating.

“W-where would you take me?” You asked. What worlds were out there?

“Probably here.” The image zoomed in and in, past galaxies, stars, and nebulae, to focus on a very green and cloudy planet with one large moon. “This is Vanaheim. It isn’t dissimilar to what your own planet used to be a few thousand years ago. Here is Midgard, for comparison.”

The familiar globe of the Earth popped up next to Vanaheim, and your eyes widened at the difference in size. You were vaguely aware the Earth was the largest terrestrial planet in your solar system, but you hadn’t realized how big that really meant. The little image loomed over Vanaheim, nearly twice as big, and with much larger oceans.

“The differences look great, but Vanaheim is very similar to Midgard in composition, atmosphere, and ecology. Look.” Again, the image zoomed in, blowing through thick clouds, dropping down among tall forests that looked like conifers, though you knew they could not be.

At ground level, there was a small clearing from which a village sprouted. People moved here and there, looking just like regular people that you might see every day.

“These are the Vanir.” Brunnhilde said, taking hold of the conversation again. “Let me start a bit earlier in our history. Asgard became a space-faring civilization very early on, and we expanded into the star system that would become ours quickly. We conquered Nornheim, the only terrestrial planet in the system.” She gestured to Loki, who brought up an image of a large, dry, stony world, nearly as large as Earth, but without any blue or green, nothing but rock.

“This was back in Buri’s day, mind, and the Bifrost had just been built. Invading the planet was a test of its power. Turned out there actually was a race of people who lived there. They were rocks, just like everything else on the planet, but they really, really didn’t like us being there. And just like that, we were at war. We took the planet, but the rock trolls wouldn’t surrender. So we experimented with the Bifrost once more, using it to remove the trolls from Nornheim, and sending them to the next planet we found. That turned out to be Vanaheim.”

“Good lord.” You said, appalled.  “Why do all that in the first place?”

“Why do humans go to war?” Brunnhilde asked. “Not the fake reasons. Not religious or ethnic reasons, but the real, underlying reasons your ancestors always went to war?”

You thought for a moment, stripping away all the excuses, ideological differences, racial fears, age-old prejudices. What made the first man pick up a stone and smash the guy next to him?

“Resources.” You said. “Either need or greed, it’s all about what you can take from them.”

“You got it!” Brunnhilde said. “Buri was trying to build the foundations of Asgard and he needed as many mineral resources as he could get. And there was a whole planet of rocks, guarded only by rocks. So he took it.”

“Why not settle there?”

“Because it was just rocks! There was no water there, except in trace amounts in the atmosphere, and inside the rocks. No plants, no life other than the rock trolls. And Buri was obsessed with building an eternal realm for his people, from scratch. Before that, the pre-Asgardian people lived on fleets of ships, but most information from before they arrived in the Nornheim system and took over has been lost. No one knows where our ancestors first came from, and after Asgard was built, it was no longer considered important.

We mined Nornheim from then until very recently, and there was still plenty more left. It’s lost to us now. Perhaps new life will arise there again, who knows?

In any case, after the base of Asgard was built, we began looking outward again. The Bifrost allowed us to discover more worlds, and to rediscover Vanaheim. By that time, we’d actually forgotten about the whole banishing an entire species to a completely different realm thing, but the Vanir sure hadn’t!”

Nornheim disappeared, Earth disappeared, the wall of illusions focused back on Vanaheim and the Vanir.

“When we arrived, we hoped to take trees and topsoil back with us. But it turns out the Vanir had heard of us, from the mouths of a new enemy who had appeared suddenly to make war on them generations ago. And just like that, we were at war again.

The Vanir have always preferred to put down roots and stay where they are. We could have just left, and they would not have followed. But this was the reign of Borr, and Borr liked to conquer.”

You shuddered. It was a little disappointing to discover that the magical space gods ancestors had been just as bad as yours, and on a much larger scale.

“We lost.” Brunnhilde said.

“We didn’t win.” Loki corrected. “There’s a difference.”

The Valkyrie shrugged. “To Borr, a draw was as bad as a loss, because it was not a win.”

“Yes, he was rather rigid and uncomplicated like that.” Loki grumbled, as if embarrassed.

“This was your ancestor?” You asked.

“This was my grandfather.” He admitted.

“That recent?”

“It would not seem recent to you. And I never met the man. He died in war, long before any of us were born. A fitting end, I suppose.”

“It’s how he would have wanted to go, if he had ever expected to die.” Brunnhilde resumed. “The war ran long and fierce; neither the Vanir or Asgardians were very numerous at the time, but both were ferocious combatants. The Vanir are blessed with many of the strengths that our people once thought belonged only to them; long life, great strength, resilience, and so forth. And, to our great surprise, they had Aesir among them.”

“Those are gods, right?” The book had given that name to the gods, but hadn’t mentioned them belonging to different species.

“You would call them that, yeah. This was the first time we encountered them outside our own people, and it really threw us. Neither side could prove superior, so we had to try for peace instead.”

“Something Borr never tried again.” Loki interjected.

“Vanir custom demanded a trade of political hostages to ensure peace. From us, they gained Vili and Ve, Borr’s youngest sons. From them, we gained Njord and his children, Freya and Freyr.”

“So, they’re Vanir? Well no wonder they are on Vanaheim!”

“They come and go at their whims, now that we are allies” Loki said. “It’s better that they were there. Freya has a terrible temper, and while I would have personally loved to watch her punch Thanos in the face, I would not have liked to see her killed. I’ve never had anything against the twins.”

With a gesture, the trees and village swirled and coalesced into three incredibly beautiful individuals. A man who appeared to be closing in on middle age, decorated with seashells, his black hair attractively wind-blown. A gorgeous, voluptuous woman with a sword in her graceful hand, and a conspicuous golden necklace at her slender, tan throat. An extremely inviting young man with sparkling black eyes and a gentle smile, flowers in his tidy hair.

You reached out for him, without even realizing you were doing it. Your fingers passed right through, and Loki caught them on the other side, as the image dissipated around your hand.

“It’s just an illusion.” He said. “He’s not really here. A creature of base urges, are we?” He seemed annoyed.

Loki is skilled in the artifice of illusion, and he uses this to embellish his lies. So the book had said.

“Well, you made the illusion!” You said defensively.

“Oh, were you reaching for me?”

“No! I was just…” What had you been doing? You had just needed to try to touch the image of Freyr for some reason.

“Can it, your highness.” Brunnhilde interrupted, receiving a furious glare in return. “You know she couldn’t help it.”

“Is a simple image really so potent?”

“You’re Aesir, he doesn’t affect you in the same way. She’s mortal, and came from a land of grain. She was a baker, for the Norn’s sake! Of course even an image would affect her!”

“Why, please?” You asked above their rising voices. “I didn’t actually mean to do that. What happened?”

“Freyr is a fertility god.” Loki said dismissively. Oh yes, he was definitely annoyed. “He governs the cycle of crops, prosperity of all kinds, fruitfulness, and so on, and so forth. He and his retinue are associated with the baking of bread and animal slaughter; both as symbols of plenty, and as sacred offerings. You lived and worked in his domain, whether you knew it or not.”

His tone clearly indicated that he considered you weak for acting as you had, but his words sparked a pulse of pride. You had been doing, if not THE Lord’s work, then A Lord’s work.

“Oh, don’t look so smug. Fertility and prosperity gods are ridiculously common. They make up a huge percentage of Aesir across the universe. Coming under the influence of one or more is practically inevitable for mortal species.”

“You know, you asked me if I was ashamed of the work I did, or of ‘what I am’ was how you put it. And I’m not. My society really feels the need to consider poor people as less than dirt, and they take all the value away from low-paying jobs, but the thing is, those jobs are actually really important. All those jobs they say are for losers and failures are jobs that provide services that they desperately want. That they need even. Without those jobs and those workers, civilization would fall apart. What are you going to do without grocery stores? Or gas stations? Or sanitation workers? Or bakers?

The bad treatment did get to me. It gets to all of us who are in that situation, because we can see how wrong it is. But now I find out there’s a god somewhere in the universe who thinks bread is good and worth something, and surrounds himself with people like me. Why shouldn’t I be proud of that?”

“Oh, he’d like you.” Brunnhilde said.

Loki released your hand and crossed his arms. The illusion dropped away entirely.

“Anyway,” Brunnhilde continued as if nothing had happened. “We considered it safe to retreat back to Asgard at that point, and couldn’t do much invading for a while after that. But we did continue locating other planets across Yggdrasil. Some were empty, and we sent small groups to colonize them. Others were inhabited, but friendly. Borr conquered these through treaties and trade. But eventually, our army built back up. And then we located Svartalfheim. But before we go into that, would you like to take a break, to think about what you’ve already learned? It must be getting close to lunch time.”

“Yeah, actually.” You said, grateful for a small reprieve. Time to reflect on the information and ask questions without derailing the whole lesson would be welcome. So would the food. You wondered if you would ever stop feeling so hungry.

The three of you left the table as it was; according to Loki, no one would bother it for the rest of the day. You found yourself back in the side room off the banquet hall, enthusiastically tucking into a tasty lunch. At least the food was better than your budget usually allowed.

“So can you tell me more about the Aesir?” You asked.

Thor entered the room with a plate full of food.

“Specifically, why are there so many fertility gods?”

Thor immediately turned around and left.

“Coward!” Brunnhilde called after him. Loki snickered.

“Okay, what was that all about?” You asked. It was weird watching the mighty Thor retreat from a conversation.

“Oh, he’s just shy.” Brunnhilde said. “You know he’s a sky god, right? Lightning and thunder, storms?”

You nodded.

“And guess what else?”

“What, really? But I’m not drawn to touch him.”

“Eh, well, it’s kind of secondary to the thunder thing. He’s associated with the rains, but not the harvest. Freyr’s there from the beginning, to the end.”

“Gotta get me a man like that.” You mused.

Loki set his fork down just a bit harder than necessary.

“He’s married!” He exclaimed.

“Oh?” You asked, surprised that he seemed so scandalized. “To whom?”

Loki looked away from you, lips pressed into a thin line. Brunnhilde chuckled.

“A giant.” She answered.

“There’s giants?” You asked. Another kind of alien? How big could they get?

“That’s an entirely different lesson. You wanted to know about Aesir?”

You dug into a little cobbler of a blueberry-like fruit. They had called it bilberry. You called it delicious.

“Yes. So, are they just born at random, or what?”

“They can arise from any line, at any time.” Loki said. “We have recorded them in at least six of the ni-eight realms. But they do occur more commonly when there is at least one Aesir parent.”

“How do you know if you are one? You come out of the womb shooting lighting? Or does it at least wait until puberty?”

“Eh, it depends.” Brunnhilde said. “I assume they figured Heimdall out as soon as he opened his eyes. For others it’s a bit more subtle. But it gets figured out in the end.”

“But what causes it to happen in the first place?” You wondered. “This has presumably been going on for what, millions of years? When did it start? And why, and what keeps it going?”

“I’m sure every culture throughout time and space has their own mythos about it.” Loki said.  “My personal theory is that it involves the infinity stones. Which just means that I’ll never get to test it.” He grumbled.

Brunnhilde stared at him.

“Do they have an affinity for magic?” You asked. “The king said they made up everything in the universe.”

“They could be considered magical. Certainly they come from a source beyond anyone’s total understanding. There are stones that correspond to concepts so nebulous as Power, and Reality. I don’t suppose it would be too far-fetched to think they could have influenced the creation of beings such as us.”

“Excuse me!” Brunnhilde interrupted, earning a disgruntled look from Loki, who seemed to have been really getting into his theory. “Why does she know about that?”

“I honestly have no idea.” You said. “I remember what happened, but nobody knows why.”

“Is it because you have magical potential?” She asked. “His majesty said you were learning sorcery.”

“I…don’t know? Is it?” You asked Loki, but he was already hurrying out the door to yell at his brother.

“I think I know how to tell which humans can learn sorcery! Thor! She said there was a whole forum of them!”

“Thank you, Brunnhilde! You’re so brilliant!” She called out after him. “Oh, thank you, I’m aware! But it’s nice to hear anyway!” She laughed, shaking her head. “Well, there goes my co-instructor. Come on, you want to go learn about Svartalfheim anyway?”

[thevikingsheaux]

A Viking Samhain

A/N: Happy Samhain!!! I know I am a little late but I’ve been busy. This will probably be a 2-3 part series. There isn’t much dialogue in this chapter but there will be more in the next. I hope it isn’t awful though I feel like it probably is.

Pairing: Hvitserk x reader

Warning: none really

Masterlist

Setting: So this is kind of a mashup of Vikings and Celts in Ireland. From my understanding, the Celtic tradition of Samhain started several hundred years before the “Viking age” and a lot of Ireland had transitioned from paganism to Christianity by the time any Vikings arrived in Ireland. However for the purposes of this story, I wanted the Celts and Vikings to coexist before Christianity, so this is by no means historically accurate!

The brutish strangers who had arrived on ships two moons ago were still camped nearby. They had planned to move on a couple weeks ago but for some reason, your father, the chief of the town and its surrounding farms, invited them to stay and travel to Tlachtga with everyone from the town for Samhain. Tlachtga was a sacred site, usually open only to the Druids, but open for everyone on Samhain. 

It was a bit odd that your father invited strangers who had different gods to such a sacred festival. He said that he did it to be generous to his guests, but you knew better. Your father was curious about them and their way of living. He wanted them to stay a while longer so he could learn more about them.

Your father had always been an inquisitive spirit and loved to learn about the world and its many cultures. He adored foreign visitors and always picked their brains about other peoples and places.

Many years ago, when you were much younger, four men who spoke the same tongue as the ones who were camped near your town now landed on the nearby shores. Your father invited the men to stay for almost a year, which allowed him to learn some of their language and vice versa. You picked up on much more of their language than your father had since you were so young and your mind still pliable.

So, now you translated a lot of what the newcomers said for your father. The three who seemed to be in charge of the rest knew a small amount of your native language and claimed that their father had taught them.

Their names were Ubbe, Ivar, and Hvitserk and they commanded a sizeable number of warriors. Even though Ivar was a cripple, he seemed to be the most respected and even feared of the trio. There were both male and female warriors in the Viking force which delighted you. You liked to watch the females sparring on the outskirts of their encampment and wished you could join them.  

When these new strangers who spoke the same tongue as the four men from years ago arrived, you remembered some of what the four men had taught you. Not only did they teach you their language, but they told you about their gods and their people and culture. They worshipped several gods, similar to you and your family’s tradition, however, their gods were different than yours.

One of the brothers had caught your eye and he seemed like he was fascinated with you as well. Any time your father invited them to sup with the family, which was quite often, his eyes never left you. He usually looked like he wanted to devour you and was so obvious about it that even your father noticed.

One night when the Viking visitors were not around, he brought it up. Your mother and three of your brothers were all sitting around the table and grew quiet when your father spoke.

“One of those men has his eye on you, Y/N. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. Hvitserk I think his name is,” your father observed. His face was unreadable. “As you know, you are my only daughter and a more than beautiful woman,” he continued. “I don’t expect you to remain chaste forever, but I ask that you wait for a husband.”

Your mother exclaimed, “Cian!” and hit him on the shoulder. Your brothers snickered but tried to contain themselves.

Your cheeks grew warm and you looked down into your plate. You poked at your food and wished you could turn invisible. “Father, can we not talk about this?”

“Well, I’m just saying! I don’t want to become a grandfather while you don’t even have a husband!” he said defensively. “When will you choose a husband anyway? I’ve hosted many eligible suitors over the years and yet you refuse them all. Soon enough I will have to just choose one for you or else you will no longer be able to bear children!”

You scowled at him and snapped, “You know, a woman’s only purpose in life isn’t just to have children.”

“I know, I know, but I need grandchildren!” he said with an eye roll. “And I won’t be around forever!”

Now you thought back on that conversation often. Your father was right. You wanted children and you were still young but you worried that if you didn’t have them soon you would no longer be able to conceive.

You also thought about your father’s warning to wait to have sex until you were married every time you caught Hvitserk staring at you. He was a very attractive man and you couldn’t deny that you wanted him too. You had only spoken to him a handful of times excluding the conversations you translated, but you were infatuated.

He was one of five sons of a man named Ragnar Lothbrok and was from a place called Kattegat. He flirted with you relentlessly and even brought you a small bouquet of wildflowers one day. Winter was approaching quickly so there weren’t many flowers to find. He must have worked hard to gather enough for a bouquet. You thought they were beautiful even though they were nearly dying because of the weather.

Hvitserk also told you about his mother, who was a Völva. At first, you were very confused and had no idea what a Völva was. When he explained, you were intrigued. You told your father about it and he immediately wanted to speak to Hvitserk and the two brothers he had with him, Ivar and Ubbe, to get more information. He had once met a female druid with similar powers and he wanted to discuss it in detail.

---

Samhain was now only a week or so away and you were excited because it was one of your favorite celebrations. The veil between the otherworld and your own was said to be the thinnest during Samhain, making it easy for spirits to come and go. Everyone dressed up to blend in with the spirits that roamed the earth during this time. This year you planned to paint your face elaborately, wear a cloak you made, and don a crown of flowers and leaves you had been nurturing, keeping them alive just for your costume.

There was to be a bonfire built by the Druids, sacrifices, feasts, and more at Tlachtga which was a few days walk from your coastal town in the northern part of the realm. The local Druid that advised your father made sure that everything was arranged to make the trek there and that you would all have a place to stay during the celebration. The Viking strangers had also been preparing for the journey and had most of their things packed and ready to be loaded onto the mules your father was lending them.

Everyone was set to head out in the morning and you couldn’t sleep. You were excited to make the journey and participate in the festival. Also, your father had announced that your oldest brother, who had been off studying to be a Druid since you were just a small girl, would be attending the festival and intended to reunite with the family. You had not seen him in many years and looked forward to the reunion.

You were very curious about how the Vikings would react to the traditions of Samhain. What would Hvitserk think of you and your people? you wondered. Eventually, you drifted off to sleep, but dreams filled your head, making you restless.

A few hours later you woke to the sounds of the town bustling around your home, preparing for the journey to Tlachtga. You got out from under your blankets and furs and dressed. 

When you emerged from the warmth of your home a cool breeze tugged at your clothes. You spotted the party of Vikings, ready and waiting on the outskirts of town. Hvitserk was perched atop a horse along the edge of the Viking horde closest to the town, eyes scanning the crowd. When his eyes found you they stopped and he smiled mischievously.

To be continued

A note about the father, Cian: First of all, you pronounce it like “key-inn.” I got the idea for the father’s name from a list of old Celtic names on this website. I chose this one because this was the description underneath it: “The name means ‘long-lived’ or ‘ancient one’.” I want the character to have an air of imperishability/immortality/great wisdom, so I found this a fitting name. Also, I imagine him with an Arthur Weasley type curiosity about the world.

About the cover art: That green circular thing in the top right corner is at Tlachtga in Ireland. It’s real and super cool! Here’s a link to more info about it.

Finally, a note about Druids: They were not only priests but legal authorities, adjudicators, lorekeepers, medical professionals, and political advisors. They are incredibly interesting to me and I can link some websites so you can read more about them if you want. 

Tags: @laketaj24 @tephi101 @grungyblonde @captstefanbrandt @missrobyn81 @moondustmemories @supernaturalvikingwhore @hallowed-heathen @ariellostatci @vikingalexthedane @anarchy-is-coming @alicedopey @lisinfleur @voodoodollgirl @backstagepaige @oddsnendsfanfics @whenimaunicorn @lol-haha-joke @heathen-whore  @credulouskhaleesi

If you want to be added to or removed from the tags on this short series please let me know. 

[drpepperhateblog]

Riot Games Sexism: Source Collection

Article: Inside The Culture of Sexism at Riot Games

Some excerpts:

“Both male and female sources have described seeing unsolicited and unwelcome pictures of male genitalia from bosses or colleagues. One woman saw an e-mail thread about what it would be like to “penetrate her,” in which a colleague added that she’d be a good target to sleep with and not call again.”

“Another said a colleague once informed her, apparently as a compliment, that she was on a list getting passed around by senior leaders detailing who they’d sleep with.”

“One of Riot’s male senior leaders regularly grabbed his genitals, the source said, adding, “If he walked into a meeting with no women he’d just fart on someone’s face.””

In disbelief? Here are some witnesses, with both former and current employees confirming what’s happening:

Multiple tweets from MiniWhiteRabbit

“Multiple women confided in me about being sexually harassed at work. About their asses being slapped, being groped at parties, or being raped at Riot events.”

Riot Tiza tweet

“Tough to read this but this is dead on about some problems in our house.”

Xylese tweet

“I’m fortunate to have an incredibly supportive manager, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that I have colleagues who’ve dealt w/ and still deal w/ this shit. I’ve had my own share of bad experiences here, too. I want that to change in Riot and in the industry.”

FFMirhi tweet

“I can assure you that the vast majority of testimonials in this article are true.”

Gogo Usagi tweet

“I worked there for 3 years and I'm still recovering, honestly.”

ScarizardPlays tweet

“I wanted to mostly be quiet and let other people speak but if my voice helps lend any credibility to the _staggering_ amount of sources cited here: this isn’t overblown ‘sensationalist kotaku garbage’ or whatever redditors love to say. Even the bits you can’t believe? it happened”

Yonah tweet

“I was so idealistic & hopeful when I joined Riot. I really believed the hype. And I left so broken I’ve been in therapy for years.”

Devongiehl tweet

“Happy to see all of this finally brought to light. I left three years ago, but Riot still has has a long way to go.”

DanielZKlein comment

“Sorry to state the obvious, but none of this is fucking acceptable. These people should at the very least have been put on a personal improvement plan or be fired. This is infuriating.”

UPDATE: Daniel Z Klein has further confirmed that the information in the article is true (link to multiple tweets), also confirmed what happened to Yonah (link), and made several retweets such as this:

“Not every single woman at a company has to have experience harassment for it to be real. The Kotaku piece was a result of months of thorough investigative journalism.”

In addition, there were questions raised about whether the person in the article could really have 16 game consoles plugged in. Here is proof that it’s true.

UPDATE 2: Riot Ghostcrawler comment on the controversy:

“One of the challenges of situations like this is that plenty of people have been fired for things that were described in the article. I have personally fired people for it (and I did it at Blizzard too). But you don't often go around communicating that fact, often times because you are trying to protect the victim of the harassment.

That is definitely not to say we have addressed every problem mentioned in the article.”

Not a current or former Rioter, but e-sports journalist Richard Lewis had something to say (tweet) about the article:

“Remember how I told you 2 years ago there was an inherent issue with sexism at Riot Games and we'd need to wait for the NDAs to start dropping off before the truth come out? Looks like today might be the day.” 

Meagan-Marie tumblr post

Some excerpts:

“Soon I began to notice gendered language regularly being used among male Rioters to insult each other. Guys would tell each other “not to be such a girl” and call one another “p*ssies” quite regularly. They would casually refer to women as “b*tches” and say that “all women were crazy.” I also overheard a group discussing how a female professional made it far in the industry, suggesting she “sucked c*ck to get to the top.”

“I didn’t go out with colleagues after events because strip clubs seemed to be a common destination. Asking me what age I lost my virginity at was deemed appropriate conversation during a team dinner, and employees I didn’t know prodded into how my sex life worked in a long-distance relationship.”

“Rape became a punchline to jokes quite frequently, including one instance where an employee went on for several hours about how he was going to rape his male colleague, who was his hotel roommate. He was graphic in exactly how he was going to rape his roommate, who was a new hire, and it was obvious that the individual in question was extremely uncomfortable.”

“A senior staff member proceeded to repeatedly call me sexist for not being willing to room with a man I’d never met before. At first, I thought he was kidding, but he continued to make arguments to his point. I explained why I would be more comfortable sharing a room with another woman, and told him I wasn’t enjoying the conversation and would leave if I was continued to be called sexist. The conversation continued, with him eventually saying that my unwillingness to room with a man was the same as not hiring a woman due to her gender.”

“I regularly witnessed lewd comments about women passing by at events, discussing their level of attractiveness, whether someone would sleep with them, and guessing if they were the age of consent.”

“At least three times Riot Dublin employees made inappropriate comments via work email about a female cosplayer’s breasts (one they regularly worked with).”

“Cosplayers have also been called “tr*nnies” and “attention whores” by Riot employees at events.”

“In meetings, I was told that we shouldn’t put cosplayers on stage to play League live, because they are mostly women, and therefore not very good at the game.”

If there was any doubt of the validity of these stories, this tweet from Riot Games themselves washed them away:

UPDATE 3: Katie De Sousa tumblr post

“Not too long after I started at Riot, the topic of sexual harassment came up in a conversation among a few Rioters on the art team, I was there, just listening. They were talking about something that had happened to a woman there, and I had no context for it, but was surprised when one of the guys on the team claimed that “she liked the attention”. The subject was then laughed off. I later found out what actually happened, a female employee received super inappropriate texts from a lead. This group of dudebros laughed it off and made her the villain.”

“I also can’t help but think I would have felt more empowered if I wasn’t told by a male coworker that “Women don’t fit into a male hierarchy.” Maybe I would have been more inclined to strive for greatness if I wasn’t dismissively called a “pretty pretty princess” when my first champion, Jinx, did so well (among a bunch of other thinly veiled jealous verbal barbs). I actually went to a lead to express my frustration over this and he said “Yeah I can see why he’s acting like that, I mean I’m kind of jealous too.” What was that about women speaking up again?”

“Not too long into my career one of my male coworkers might have thought he was giving me a compliment when he decided to tell me about how great some of the guys thought my breasts were. I had made the foolish mistake of going to a Riot pool party, wearing a swimsuit, and swimming. I hope I don’t have to explain how violating that felt, at any rate I learned my lesson, and I never attended another.”

“My days might have been a bit easier to manage if I didn’t have to stifle my rage when a male coworker would explain to me how to make designs for women, and how to be a feminist. Realizing that they believe their opinion as a dude meant more than, I don’t know, my entire lifetime of experience as a woman?”

“Even the Riot Dames email group didn’t feel like a safe space, when we were discussing the lack of female characters in esports promos a senior lead decided to chime in and question whether women deserved to be represented, they haven’t really earned it yet, as pro LoL players were all male. Oh, and on the topic of men thinking women are inherently lesser and must prove otherwise, let’s discuss another gross habit: saying “you’re really good at _______ for a chick.””

UPDATE 4: Barry Hawkins blog post

“The sexual references by straight men directly towards other straight men were a more complicated issue. It would often be homosexual in nature, but could also be sexually aggressive toward your significant other. You might be talking to a leader about conflict with a peer, and they’d respond with “man, you’re acting like he had sex with your wife.” Or they might start a paragraph by saying “Now for instance, if I fucked your wife…” and then segue into what they were actually supposed to be saying. The homosexual variants would be things like “well if he sucked your dick, would you feel better about this?” or “it’s not like I’m asking you to suck my dick, but I’d be OK with it if you did.””

“The next day, one of my former direct reports and her direct report, both of whom I was actively mentoring, asked to speak with me as soon as I could. We met up right away, and they were visibly upset. One of them said to me, “There’s a rape joke in some of the recruiting material, and they’re saying it’s something that Brandon said at the offsite. Is that true? Did he say that?”  I think I took a deep breath, followed by a long sigh. It was a simple question, with a simple answer, but with that answer came grave implications.“Yeah, he did.””

“I will never forget changing planes in San Francisco the following Monday. I pulled out my phone to check email, and found replies to the email I sent Brandon, but not only him. My original email had apparently become a thread with some folks in leadership. I recall it mentioning that hyper-sensitive people who didn’t understand intent were a problem we needed to address at Riot. I closed that email thread, and immediately below it there was a meeting invite titled “Riot Voice and Sense of Humor” set for when everyone returned from the company trip. The invite included the co-founders Marc (my boss) and Brandon, the head of Communications, the head of Legal, and myself.”

“The head of Legal did speak up and asked if we were concerned about legal liability. She was seated to my left, and I was seated on Brandon’s left, where he was at the head of table. Brandon extended his arm past me and held up his hand in front of her and hushed her, saying we were not going to talk about that.”

UPDATE 5: Riot Games Apology Statement: Our First Steps Forward