Tumgik
#like it’s not related to my major at all
sugar-grigri · 1 day
Text
Sperm is the symbol of hope in pain, yes. Sit down, I'll explain.
Tumblr media
Yes, even sperm has symbolism.
Although this title may sound catchy, I didn't phrase it that way to make it so, I really mean it. I'm just warning that some of my sentences are going to sound completely crazy. Let me begin. 
Tumblr media
I've said it before, but when we have a tripartite chapter, the key to reading it is to link these three elements. What do kissing, love and sperm have to do with each other? The answer seems obvious, and refers back to the previous chapter. The link lies in the act committed in chapter 167. But I think it's more subtle and stronger than that. 
Tumblr media
These three elements are impossible to deny. Just as Asa can't deny not loving Denji to Yoru, Yoru can't deny having kissed Denji twice, and wanting to kiss him again. Sperm carries the same message (crazy phrase). It is just as much a part of the realization of the previous elements, impossible to deny. It can be cleaned up, forgotten like kissing, denied like love, it is the concretization of the other two acts. 
Tumblr media
Semen is perceived as negative, disgusting, sticky, as new feelings or an unexpected kiss can be. But above all it's a result that doesn't help either protagonist. 
Tumblr media
Again it's crazy what I'm about to say. But just as the semen made Denji realize that Asa/Yoru wanted to kiss him, he hoped there was a feeling of love. Just as Asa and Yoru denied kissing and love for him, realized they had semen on their hands. I know it sounds weird when you say it like that, but it's not. Sexuality is a major theme in CSM. Just as its organic aspect carries a message. 
Tumblr media
Sperm refers to the fact that Denji masturbates when he's unwell, just as he relies on the discovery of sex to be happy. The semen also reflects Asa's fear of intimacy. Just as it is a kind of victory for Yoru, who sexually assaulted them both. 
In short, the tripartite title basically refers to the feelings intertwined between these three pivots. And his order makes sense. It symbolizes the way Yoru interferes. 
Yoru kissed Denji for the first time at a time when Asa barely realized what she was feeling. It's vital to understand that, at this point, neither Yoru nor Asa were yet fully in love with Denji, since they hadn't yet developed feelings for CSM during the Falling Devil arc. 
Tumblr media
The kiss came before the love. He was stolen. Whether it's because it's unexpected for Denji. And precipitous for Asa. 
Then there's the development of Asa's feelings, again leading to an appropriation of Yoru, committing a precipitous sexual act for both protagonists. 
But above all, the three elements were succinctly crossed out. The kiss had been temporarily forgotten by Yoru. The semen is washed away to forget the sexual assault. And Denji is denied love. 
Tumblr media
Let me be very clear so that everyone understands. Love, kissing and semen are denied by Asa and happened in the wrong order for her.
Just as they are monopolized by Yoru.
Just as Denji places his hopes in them, and they are a logical consequence for him.
But it's not all doom and gloom. Because the name of the sushi restaurant is a coded message (another crazy phrase).
Tumblr media
As I've said before, every element is a symbol. The fish are.
They hark back to the aquarium episode. As Asa despaired, Denji fed her fish and starfish, foods Asa disliked. Just as she was in despair and denied herself hope, fish is associated with regaining hope. Above all, the aquatic element is the antithesis of fire, represented by the fire demon who leads us to be what we desire, even if it means suffering for it. Fish is acceptance, fire disillusionment. 
Tumblr media
It's not present in the English version and I don't know if it's translated from Japanese, but I hope so, but this chapter reinforces my interpretation: press the button to have hot water but but beware of burns. We have to relate the fish to understand the symbol of fire. Yes. 
Tumblr media
So what does the restaurant's name mean? 
Two options. The key to facing death is hope. Or will the protagonists perish from hoping that happiness is within their reach ?
Actually I think it's deeper than that. I've been hoping for this for a few times now, so I'm going to try again. 
When Asa invited Denji, it was because she considered him less than a cat. Who else considered him less than a cat ?
When Asa was picky about food at the aquarium? Who else is? 
Who did Asa think of at the aquarium? 
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
For whom precisely does Denji not feel love in the sense that he feels it for Asa ? 
Tumblr media
Remember when I said that the title refers to negation ? 
There's hope in death. 
When Denji says he wants to like sushi, symbolically it's to keep hope alive. 
But fish are a strong enough symbol to refer to someone whose name wasn't uttered once in part 2. Forgotten. 
Eating sushi will lead Denji to count on his family again. 
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Like the hope of finding someone dear to him.
Love in horror.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Power.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
But wait before you go. I lied, there's more despair than hope. You can't blame me, that's what Fujimoto does all the time.
What did Power do ? Die for love, right ? Hope, denial, love........
Power even died twice, didn't she? Cut in two, right?
I know Asa and Denji have already died, but they can die a second time, can't they ? But this time with two of them. Dying a second time together.
Do you miss the cursed number 2 ?
170 notes · View notes
Text
Hi my name is Wiggog Y'rath Consumerism Wiggly Cross and I have long wiggly tentacles (that’s how I got my name) with green fur all over my body and wide yellow eyes like big spotlights and a lot of people tell me I look like Jon Matteson (AN: if u don’t know who he is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Wilbur Cross but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m an eldritch horror but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale green skin. I’m also a Lord in Black, and I live in the Black and White with my four brothers and my stupid bitch sister (I’m the oldest). I’m a god (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly green. I love Hatchetfield and I get all my disciples from there. For example today in my human form I was wearing a green Letterman jacket with the letter W on it and some black pins, shiny green pants and a gold crown on my head. I was wearing a green dress shirt, a green tie, and a green backpack with a doll version of me on it. I was walking outside Hatchetfield High. There had been some dead bodies showing up recently so everyone was accusing each other of murder, which I was very happy about. A lot of PEIP agents stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
210 notes · View notes
bonefall · 20 hours
Note
Not sure if this is the place to ask or if I should go to Bonebabble, but ooh, Dungeon Meshi mention! I love what you said about low-empathy and apathy, I think I’ll use that in ny own characters.
I wanted to ask why you think Shuro is autistic. I’ve seen a lot of people say it so there must be a reason why, but I don’t think it’s really obvious to me? Like with Laios, autism/neurodivergence is so integral to his story, so it’s deeply obvious. I love the way he’s written! But we don’t see a lot of Shuro, so I’d like to hear more of why people see the tism in him.
@bonebabbles is the better place to send these in the future but it's chill! The vibe right now's loose since we're all coming down from the heaviness of Mooncourse lmao
Honestly, I feel a little 'tism in a lot of the cast of Dungeon Meshi. As a very autistic writer myself, it kind of has a vibe like it was written by someone who's autistic and so it gets peppered into all of her characters. It's something I notice a lot in my own art, too.
But like, when it comes to Toshiro... I can't stop thinking about him. He makes me want to chew the furniture. With every passing day I become less normal about him.
glossary because I had a lot of thoughts about Toshiro Dungeon Meshi i guess. Oh my god this got long
He reminds me of some people I know
His culture clash is very relatable to me in an autistic way
He has a rigid commitment to his values and morals
Miscellaneous Autism Moments
THE LAIOS FIGHT
in conclusion
He reminds me of some people I know
He reminds me of certain autistic men I've met from affluent families. The type who both is taught to repress and mask their own traits, yet also not to be incredibly mindful of the emotions of other people. Because of their status, they don't have to learn how to work out interpersonal conflict because the majority of the people around them are servants or family. People who would never go away if they didn't like you.
So, his vassals have to learn to talk to him and how to carry out his orders. Not the other way around. As a result, Toshiro has a bit of unearned confidence about his leadership abilities and communication skills. NOT in a way that is smug, DO NOT misunderstand me; just in a way that overestimates his own judgement. Maybe he has encyclopedic knowledge for talking to other nobles offscreen, but when it came to his own team, he was ignoring a lot of the good advice they gave him about taking breaks.
Yes, Toshiro is from a high-context culture-- but his communication issues are bad with everyone.
ESPECIALLY his vassals, people he calls family, from the same exact culture as him. They're worried about him, most of them are desperate for acknowledgement, they'd do anything for him, and he doesn't address this until AFTER his brawl with Laios!
His culture clash is very relatable to me in an autistic way
Toshiro knew he was going somewhere that was going to be a melting pot of mostly western cultures. He knew the manners were going to be different, and he came alone, not in a group where he was only interacting with his own people.
Yet he NEVER adjusted his own social behavior.
I'm American and my partner is British. When I first went, I had no idea why they were offering me so much tea. I thought I was being polite by following them into the kitchen, thinking they wanted to move the conversation over there. My partner quickly fixed this by explaining that when someone offers you tea, they're taking a short pause in the lull of a conversation to be a good host.
I am autistic. What someone else might have just figured out through getting an awkward look, I had to be told directly. There are a lot of little things like that.
Toshiro feels like what would happen if the opposite was happening, an autistic person from a high-context culture coming to a low-context culture. He can't properly express discomfort. It's not JUST Laios, King of Autism, that he's having issues talking to. Neither Marcille nor Chilchuck know that "Shuro" is a mispronunciation, and they had no clue that he disliked Laios THIS much.
I even think it's kinda telling that Toshiro felt the most comfortable with Falin out of the rest of the party. The hyper-empathetic autistic girl who goes out of her way to accommodate others.
He has a rigid commitment to his values and morals
A strict, uncompromising moral compass is a hallmark of autism. It's everything Toshiro does!!
When Falin was eaten, he bolted off to assemble the best team he could think of. He believes that love is sacrifice, so he pushes his body and his family to the limit to try and prove how much he loves Falin. Chilchuck freaks out when he finds out that Laios told him about the dark magic, because "HE'S THE WORST PERSON TO TELL!"
LIKE, YEAH! HE SURE IS!
Maizuru also explains that from a very young age, he's been incredibly compliant. He never asks for anything, he's always been a bit sickly and uninterested in eating. He always tries to be on his very best behavior, even if that means not asking for accommodations he might actually need.
In fact, the only food he seems to LIKE eating is what Maizuru makes him. To the point where she ended up getting pulled into the kitchen even when she was on a "mission." Senshi makes a cute comment that it's "love" that Maizuru puts into those meals, but... what if it's actually because she knows the textures and flavors he likes?
Miscellaneous Autism Moments
There's so many little moments that are so incredibly autistic to me.
He sees Falin with a bug and he proposes right on the spot. The other characters are like, "oh that's just how they act in the east" but no the fuck it is not. They don't even know "Shuro" is a mispronunciation, how the hell do they know anything about eastern courting traditions?
I know EXACTLY what happened. I'm beaming you this information directly from the truth.
Toshiro was TOLD that you're supposed to 1. make your proposals a surprise, and 2. you will know the right one when you see them, and NO ONE elaborated any further because he comes from a high context culture. He popped that question the first time both of those boxes were ticked off.
In coming from a high context culture, what he does is strictly follow rules and conditions he was taught.
And that's absolutely why he handed Laios that bell. Because he does care about him and the party, and he's taught that doing these acts of service is a show of that... and he didn't even think ahead to the fact the bell was going to be ringing constantly.
And yet. In spite of that, he ALWAYS keeps it near him.
Before it clicked and I realized why, I used to think Toshiro was kind of an asshole for running off to get his vassals without even telling Marcille and Laios about his plan. Like... how could you not know they were going to do something drastic? The three of them were the Falin Fan Club and he was the most normal member of it. It's so obvious to me that Laios (brother) and Marcille (""Gal Pal"") were going to get themselves in danger.
So how could you just run off like that without telling them? Even if lack of supplies meant they couldn't go back in, how could you just leave them worried sick in the town, thinking you abandoned Falin?
And then it hit me. The man just has low empathy.
There WAS no malice, just like how there wasn't malice in how he was pushing him and his vassals to the limits, just like how there was never malice against Laios. It simply didn't occur to him like that.
He's never been taught to consider the thoughts and feelings of others very deeply and they don't come naturally. He's still compassionate. There's a reason all of his vassals love him!
But THAT'S WHY he never put himself in Laios' shoes, or anyone else's. Empathy does not come naturally to him. All of his good behavior is as a result of his moral code, NOT empathy.
So with that said, why does he love Falin so much? Aside from the wonderful, positive traits he lists when he's asked? I mean, what's really deep down at the core of why he finds these things so lovely?
Well... Falin and Laios are not all that different from each other, to the point where Toshiro gets gently ribbed in a bonus chapter about how if one of them was a girl, Shuro might have loved Laios instead. He waxes poetic about the ways she's different from most women, how she's not afraid of things like insects, her compassion, her face, her laugh.
These are all things Laios does too (in fact in one of the panels where Toshiro is appreciating Falin, she's trying to check if a caterpillar is a male or female), but Falin's personality expresses in a more subdued and introverted way. Closer to how Toshiro is, as a person. So... I think it's because he relates to her.
To both Touden siblings. But Laios makes him see things he doesn't want to.
THE LAIOS FIGHT
We established that Toshiro has a strict commitment to his values, he probably has low empathy, and even taking his cultural differences into account he's bad at communicating.
So then, why was one of his complaints against Laios' obliviousness that he "knows he doesn't mean anything by it, and that makes it worse"? Isn't that kinda specific when you think about it?
If you're neurodivergent, I want you to think back to points in time where you dealt with people who have the same issues you do. Autism, ADHD, PTSD, DID, whatever. Did you ever have a moment where they did something harmless or mildly inconvenient, definitely as a result of the same exact thing you have, and you just... HATED it?
You HATED it even more than you would anyone else doing the same thing. You probably know your response was disproportionate. But YOU don't do that THING they did. Or if you do that, it's less bad somehow. Or you used to do that but don't anymore and it reminds you of when you did.
If you're reflective, you might have realized it might be internalized ableism. I feel like that's a huge part of why Toshiro finds Laios SO. ANNOYING. Laios is like this stupid, idiot, blundering caricature of things Toshiro has been taught to avoid, which violate his moral code. Shuro comes from a place of so many more rules and subtle cues, and it's like Laios doesn't respect any of them.
What STARTS this fight, causes Laios to finally hit back after being smacked, shoved, and shouted at, is being told "YOU'RE NOT TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY."
It's so obviously wrong! Laios, who ran back into a dungeon immediately? Who Toshiro himself called rash? This is NOT a logical conclusion to make about Laios or his party. I think it came from frustration that Laios "does things the wrong way." That it's projection, stemming from that low empathy.
He's not like Kabru in the same chapter, who's desperately trying to get a read on Laios' inner workings and failing. Shuro's just extrapolating his own feelings onto him, because he's recognizing that same "sense" within him. If TOSHIRO didn't follow the rules he sets down for himself, that's not "taking it seriously."
Toshiro follows the rules. Laios does not.
...and Laios is FREE.
He's open and honest in a way Toshiro can never be, not as a noble, not as an easterner, and not as an autistic man. Hell, Laios was ALSO a noble, he gave that up! Threw that away, and then came back to his village and took Falin away from it. If Laios is acting like an idiot, he's acting like an idiot who does everything Toshiro has ever wanted to do. Laios cannot mask and Toshiro resents that.
One of the things Toshiro even explicitly says he HATES about Laios is the fact he's willing to be a burden on other people. Maizuru said earlier that he's NEVER made a "selfish request" before-- but Laios can just open his mouth and ask for help, feeling no shame, just as he did in this chapter when he asked him not to tell the Island Lord about the dark magic.
And then, after they literally come to blows, Toshiro tells Laios some incredibly brutal things, revealing he's NEVER been his friend and he has resented him this whole time. This actually sits with Laios well into the later chapters, but the fight ends and then they're just CHATTING FRIENDLY LIKE IT DIDN'T MATTER.
More honestly than ever before, because Toshiro is returning the effort. He eats some food (the narrative's metaphor for making connections). He thanks his vassals for the first time. He talks about how he wishes he'd told Falin about all the things he adored about her when he still had the chance.
I have to take the panels of his response right out of the manga actually because this little expression here is so subtle, but so meaningful.
(Read <- <- <- that way)
Tumblr media
Look at the way that when Laios makes that genuine movement, assuring him with passion that he will be making sure Falin receives this message, Toshiro's gut response is annoyance. But then it softens and he pauses, like he's reconsidering what his response is going to be.
To admit that he envies "this side of Laios" is also admitting that the earlier fight was based on envy.
Laios was like this the WHOLE time. Making these grand speeches about his plans, what his party's been doing, how Toshiro needs to eat something and take a nap. He's ALWAYS been like this. It was Toshiro's mindset that changed.
In conclusion
Something I really like about Dungeon Meshi is HOW MANY of its characters can be read as autistic. Laios is just the most obvious one, with his special interest in monsters and inability to read social cues being central to the plot. His is a more "well known" expression of autism-- it's rare you get characters whose masking is central to their characters.
But it's really refreshing to see characters like Kabru, Falin, and Toshiro. Autistic people are rare enough in popular media to begin with, but we NEVER get characters whose autism intersects with their trauma, gender, and culture quite like these three.
124 notes · View notes
youling-the-ghost · 2 days
Text
It's funny 'cause I never felt like I fit in queer spaces because the majority of them talk about romance, so I join online aroace spaces...
...only to find out that I don't really fit in there either.
Like, I really don't care for garlic bread or cake or frogs, and I rarely find fictional characters attractive. I know that all of these stereotypes are just light fun, but it still drains me a little bit when I see so many people online share this sentiment. I've learned to not comment on other people's posts disagreeing with them ('cause let's be real here that's cringe as hell) but I've also had to accept that I'll basically never relate to those "aroace experience" posts because I don't fit the stereotype.
It sucks because I entered aroace spaces to feel like I fit in, only to realise that I don't quite fit in here either. It feels like I'm a poorly manufactured puzzle piece who can either be thrown away or have a puzzle designed after me, but who are we kidding? No one has the time to construct a whole puzzle for one misshapen piece, so down the bin I go.
Maybe this whole thing is just a really intense echo chamber but it still feels so oddly invalidating to be in these spaces sometimes. It's like my sexuality and gender are validated, but every other aspect about my identity is not.
86 notes · View notes
balkanradfem · 3 days
Text
The christian side of tumblr found a post where I made a little joke about how religion puts women into servitude and it's going around gathering bible quotes and arguing whether this is about christianity or other religions x_x I never thought this day would come.. I didn't think christians were on here. And even though the majority of people arguing are christians, I never wrote down 'christianity', I meant all abrahamic religions.
I'm itching to go argue but I know deep in my heart there is nothing to be gained. These people are eager to mock and personally attack whoever is disagreeing with them and that is not a honest intellectual discussion that I crave. I think if you're religious you just have to avoid thinking things like 'why is that so' and 'isn't that awfully convenient' and 'what if this promised thing fails to materialize' because once you start having those thoughts, the entire thing falls apart.
I remember being 15 and realizing that the christian god has no actual use of us, no point in caring about us whatsoever, and no incentive to pay attention to what we do or don't do, but humans very much have a need to believe in the higher power that works to their personal advantage, and that there's someone 'up there' who will make things alright for them, that they have a higher purpose and that if they follow certain rules it will pay out. And this was enough for me to figure out that god didn't create humans, but humans created god, because humans have a need of a god, while god has no need or use for humans at all.
It was only later when I learned about feminism that I realized it wasn't only that, but that it was specifically made to control, exploit and oppress women, praising them for endless servitude, sacrifice, submission and platitude, all while consistently telling them they're filled with sin and never good enough. It's now ghoulish and bizarre to me that the symbol of their faith is a m*n being brutally tortured, that what we feel is holy is endless suffering and pain and death. We're told to aspire for that. That has nothing to do with spirituality, nothing to do with human nature or healthy and happy human lives. It's a worship of death.
There are promises that religious people make towards women, to make them believe it's a path towards true love, or endless rewards for being 'faithful' and 'pure' or a life where they feel safe from disasters, safe from being abandoned and betrayed. There's nothing in life that can guarantee that. Religion can however, offer certain people a community, it can provide services where you come and listen to stories, and stories come with morals (convenient and confusing morals, but people love engaging with moral-type stories and feeling they've learned something), it provides rituals and celebrations that cultures have integrated in their life (after it destroyed the original rituals and celebrations, but we don't talk about that), and it can provide a common ground of understanding for people (sadly the common ground is that women exist to serve and that this is natural). Sometimes it also provides a feeling of superiority for some people, enabling them to mock, humiliate and patronize others for their 'lack of religion'.
So I understand there are community related reasons a person might feel safer within a religion and having this common ground and community, common beliefs, familiarity and stories, rituals and celebrations, it doesn't come off as a horrible thing, especially when the majority of the culture does it. But other things it brings are painful for women, and often hidden. Encouraging hidden suffering, sacrifice, servitude, centering torture and death, and admiration of torture and death, instead of celebrating nature, life, the world we live in and how we interact with it. Centering males as creators when everyone alive was created by women. Dismissing wars, rape, terrorism, weapons of mass destruction, genocides and male brutality, while endlessly shaming women for having feelings and not doing a good enough job pleasing the violent males. And generally making a hell for women when they have any thoughts about sexuality or lust.
I know me writing about it here will not have any effect on people personally attacking me for being ignorant and uneducated, but it feels good to write down the thoughts I've been having all day! Being forbidden from thinking in certain direction, forbidden from questioning my own beliefs, is something that plagued me for a big part of my life, and I will not have it anymore. I can say 'this is awfully convenient' when religions declare that m*n are leaders and women are supposed to follow and serve. I can say that putting up statues of a m*n dying in torture is fucked up and morbid. I can say that making me believe that I would go to hell, for not following every order I've been given, is a horrid thing to do to a female child. And I'm happy and grateful that I can think and say whatever I want, without any threat of damnation ever looming over me.
75 notes · View notes
artyandink · 14 hours
Text
amoralism | one
Tumblr media
Summary: You and Dean Winchester are the top agents from Major Crimes. You’re also assigned as partners on the same case- a crime syndicate is running loose and buying out most of downtown New York. He hates you cause you hate him. You hate him cause you think he got in his position with his daddy’s influence. But this case is personal to one of you more than the other- and you may be getting too personal for comfort.
A/N - I said I’d post on Friday but surprise! Also, as a note, I have no intention of completely relating to realism (even though I’m pretty sure that’s a title of a chapter). This will be almost like an action/romance movie, and the format is sort of like that too.
Song Inspo: Shameless - Camila Cabello
narcissism
Tumblr media
Fifty-Shots Bar had never had this many patrons before.
Clinking of glasses, the bellow of random toasts, tapping of the bar for another round, the whole trifecta played on loop until all those glasses came down on the counter and all the beefy men downing those drinks like water would slap the back of the tallest in the lot, forcing that dude with the unreasonably gorgeous hair to bend to their height from the pressure.
“What’s the occasion, boys?” The lady on shift, Jenna, chuckled. She was intrigued as to why the festivities were so… robust, but then one of the guys shoved the tall one forward, clapping his shoulder in a way that knocked the latter’s breath out.
“Ah, nothing.” The taller one tried playing it off, but the shorter wouldn’t hear of it. His green eyes shone mischievously as he ruffled the tall guy’s hair. Jenna’s eyes couldn’t help but trail down the patron’s, well, everything. Short blonde hair, five o’clock shadow on the sharpest jawline she’d ever seen. Lips always in a pout, daring her to kiss it away until they bruised. Casual denim shirt nothing short of tempting, as tight as a damn straitjacket over that broad, no doubt kissable chest. Arms framed in his sleeves, probably bore enough strength to throw her around like a ragdoll and he wouldn’t break a sweat.
She bit her lip. Oh Lord, this man was either from heaven or hell and she wouldn’t complain either way.
“It’s not nothing.” He laughed, shaking his head. “My brother Sam here took down a big-time multi level marketing scheme. So damn modest.” Another clap of Sam’s shoulder. However, he seemed to have clocked Jenna and her obvious admiration of his entire being, a quirk of the corner of his mouth having her knees like jelly. “What’s your name, beautiful?”
She giggled, her finger twirling her hair around her finger as if she was a little schoolgirl with her first crush. “Jenna. What’s yours?”
“Dean Winchester.” He took her hand, kissing her knuckle and letting his lips linger, smouldering eye contact sending shivers down her spine. “Agent Dean Winchester. Say, Jenna, what time do you get off?”
“When you do.” She breathed, and the low chuckle from Dean had her snapping back into her senses but also getting a very noticeable ache between her thighs. “Um, in an hour.”
Sam had already left. He wasn’t in the mood for watching very visible eye-banging.
Tumblr media
Champagne. Chauvinists. The classic fancy, downtown party hosted by a family that owned half of Chicago. Flashing lights, a pair of eyes on you at all times… it was rather an overwhelming feeling, one that you couldn’t shake.
You didn’t know whether to feel confident or hunted in the red dress that you wore, satin and navy and with an open back- all things nice and very attractive to men. Your makeup and blonde (for today) hair done like a movie star and getting the attention of every man in the room, regardless of age.
“And who might you be, sweets?” A very Southern accent drawled from behind you, and you turned around, making a show of playing the innocent yet extremely attractive and mysterious lady at the most extravagant birthday party you had ever seen.
You were playing a stereotype. You hated stereotypes.
“Anna Raleigh.” You responded smoothly, and he seemed to buy it, taking your hand and kissing the knuckle, the creepy eye contact urging you to snatch your hand back and scrub it with an antiseptic wipe.
“Miss Raleigh, you are a work of art. Name’s Matthias Aldrich.” He practically purred, and that sent a cold shiver up your spine.
You put on a polite, smitten smile, though you were inwardly rolling your eyes. “Thank you, sir.”
Matthias tucked a strand of your blonde hair behind your ear. “I’ve always been fond of women who are the golden type of blonde. Hope this is natural.”
You took a crouton from a passing tray, popping it in your mouth and chewing on it, answering once you’d swallowed the bite. You’d done it quick because you could see this dude’s eyes on your lips as you chewed. “I say, these croutons are quite dry, no?”
Tumblr media
The door to Jenna’s apartment burst open, her and Dean stumbled in, lips locked, door closing with a well-timed click and moans echoing amid breathy sighs. Dean’s jacket fell just as Jenna’s fingers tugged on his hair, causing him to jolt and let out a growl, groaning as he bent to kiss her neck. “Just like that.” He murmured, nipping and assaulting the tanned skin. Only detaching to pull her skimpy tank over her head, revealing a hot pink, lace bra.
She’s freaky. He liked that.
“You like?” She breathed, ample chest heaving as her teeth worried her bottom lip, batting her eyelashes. Putting on a show for him.
“Mmh.” He hummed, nodding before he reached for the clasp, effortlessly undoing it. It fell to the floor, and he clicked his tongue with a grin. “Better.”
“Much.” She purred, kissing him hotly and leading them to the bedroom.
Pushing.
Pulling.
Grinding.
Jenna’s legs wrapping around his waist, courtesy of Dean putting them there. Moans. Groans. Whimpers. Cries and low mutters of each other’s name. The room heating up and pulsing with enough pressure to forge a diamond.
The bed creaking. Headboard banging. High pitched moans that belong in a porno. Groans of ‘just like that’ and whines of ‘right there’ and ‘don’t stop’.
Tumblr media
Not even after a minute after your comment about the dry croutons, the building was stormed. Armed personnel burst through every exit, holding up automatics and yelling for everyone to get their hands up, while you were taken by the arm by one of the people yelling ‘FBI! Hands where we can see them!’ and dragged in a way which appeared rough.
You were led kicking and screaming into a side van, and the moment the door slid shut, you snapped out of it, pulling the wig off. “About time, eh, boys?”
“At least we got your signal.” One protested, while another snorted.
“Dry croutons? Really?” He rolled his eyes, spinning on the chair, raising a pointed eyebrow at you. “With all due respect, it could be something less outlandish.”
“Then it would be too easy to miss, Velasquez.” You retorted, grabbing a makeup wipe and beginning to practically scrub it all off. Also taking an antiseptic wipe and a bottle of hand sanitizer to rid your hand of Matthias Aldrich’s lips. “And since when do I work like I’m a basic, sweater wearing, background blending Gertrude?”
“She has a point, Velasquez.” One agent quipped as he went by. You pointed after him with a smirk.
“Willis gets it.” You grinned, shrugging. “Why can’t you? Have a heart, Velasquez.”
“Yeah, have a heart.”
“Shut up!” Velasquez yelled after him, and got the middle finger from Willis in response.
“You ready to report to the CO, Agent?” Willis asked you, passing you a mug of coffee, which you gratefully sipped.
“When am I not?” You chuckled, letting the warm liquid wash over your throat. “Now, I don’t care what you two clowns do, I need these guys behind bars for two lifers at least. I’ve been hunting down these sons of bad mothers for months. I’m not having any slip ups, no buy ins nor outs. Every. Exit. Sealed.” You looked between the two with an intense glare, no nonsense and all business. “Am I clear?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Tumblr media
Morning afters were always hard for Dean. He had a rule that he followed to the T.
Mind blowing sex? Doesn’t matter, leave before he gets attached and she gets hurt.
“Sorry, Jen, I’d stay, but I’m late for work.” He hurriedly buttoned his denim shirt, trying not to get distracted by the sight of the girl in the sheets, naked body only a thin layer of cotton away.
All he had to do was peel it.
“Aw, handsome, I thought you’d stay for round six.” Jenna giggled, looking him up and down. Inside, Dean was rolling his eyes in frustration. They always got clingy after the best night of their life. Then again, that was purely his fault.
“I would, trust me, darlin’.” He cleared his throat, walking into the living room and finding his jacket and keys, along with his belt. That was important.
Jenna stepped in as well, clad in a silk robe that made her look no short of delectable. But he had to resist. Stick to the damn code. “Y’know, I’m a sucker for a man in uniform.”
She was trying a hit. God, she was trying hard. Dean had to physically resist going back for another hit. She was clingy, sure, but there was a huge double standard there.
“Are you, now?” He smirked, running a hand through his messy hair. “Careful, sweetheart, or I might sextuple dip.”
“Maybe I want you to.” She winked, and it had him chuckling, looking down and then back at her.
“Tempting. Very tempting.”
Tumblr media
You stepped into the office, your heels making small taps on the floor as you went, signing in and showing your ID at the register before making your way inside. You’d been told to take a rest for a few days before you returned to your post in the HQ at DC, but who were you to listen?
And everyone knew it too, because the very moment you stepped inside, you were greeted with a show of applause and cheers from your colleagues. “Tenth drug ring of your career.” Agent Lafitte clapped your shoulder, chuckling. “You’re on a roll, sister.”
“Cool it with the flattery, Benny, I’m on a time crunch.” You snorted, shaking your head and holding a hand out for a case file, which was dropped into your hand as you continued walking.
“Hi.” There was a blonde girl beside you, hair pulled up into a ponytail, presumably the one who handed the fine to you. “Agent Jo Harvelle. I used to work narcotics, but they’re giving me a trial in Major Crimes. I was told by the CO to shadow you, so I can get a good sense of the ropes.”
While looking through the files, you glanced up at Agent Harvelle, seeing the eager look on her face. Rather like you when you started, and the eager ones made good agents. With a little tough love. “Yeah, a’ight. CO’s called me for a briefing, so it’ll be up to him whether you stay or step out.”
“About that drug ring you busted?” She grinned. “I was told. By practically everyone. How are you that skilled?”
“Ain’t my first rodeo, hon.” You smirked as you reached the boss’ office, rapping twice on the door with your knuckles and earning a polite ‘come in’.
That you did, finding your superior officer, Senior Agent Robert Singer, standing behind his desk, nose deep in a file while his ear was being talked off by… oh, boy.
Agent Winchester.
“So I quickly take my gun, aim it between his eyes,” He held up finger guns and aimed them to prove his point, completely disregarding your arrival, hideously typical, “and I said ‘hands up or I’ll reenact Rambo’. Genius, am I right?”
You cleared your throat sharply.
That got Agent Winchester’s attention, his green eyes zeroing in on you and giving you memories back that you tried to dispose of in the first place. A smirk twitched at those lips that were once too close to be professional before they stretched into a grin, pearly whites flashing. “Mornin’, Agent. Surprised to see you here.”
“I could say the same thing.” You pressed your lips together (and your thighs, but you’d never admit that), turning to Agent Singer instead. “Should I leave Harvelle outside, sir?”
“That’s ideal.” Singer nodded, so you signalled to Harvelle to stay outside as you closed and locked the soundproof door. You passed the file on the Brierson drug ring to him, which he checked over. “Impressive work, as always. This’ll land them behind bars for sure.”
“Always the perfectionist, aren’t you?” Winchester quipped, arms folded across his chest with a smug smirk. Your brow twitched; you knew exactly why he was highlighting that word in bold, italics, whatever he was intending to do. You’d just rather not think about it.
You scanned him over, adding all the facts in your head. His shirt wasn’t ironed. Belt was wonky. Hair looked like it had a comb desperately run through it but failed to tame it. Faint hint of something red you recognised as a lipstick smear on his jugular and a sliver of a purple bruise that disappeared under his collar. Which was hastily pulled up. His tie done in the simplest knot ever and still looked tragic.
He got here in quite the rush.
“Nice night?” You shot back, a full smirk tugging at your lips and making his drop. He gave you a look which blatantly said smartass, while you proudly notched that win on your belt.
Singer looked between the two of you before tapping his desk. “Entertaining, but not why you’re both here. We’ve found ourselves in a fix. Franz Brierson wasn’t at that party.”
Your blood ran cold. That guy was the big boss, the guy who started it all, got everyone on his payroll. If he was loose… but he couldn’t be loose. Unless you didn’t check?
“I’ve been looking into it for the past five hours. That’s right, I got here early.” Singer huffed out a breath. “There’s a chance that our big boss was notified beforehand. A mole that told him we were coming.”
“A mole. In the FBI.” Dean muttered, now serious as he rubbed a hand into his mouth. “We’ve been clean for years.”
“It’s the only explanation.” You piped up, shaking your head as you began to pace. Heels tapping, Dean’s eyes fixating on the sway of your hips and your ass in that getup at the wrong goddamn moment. “That operation was airtight. No room for error. Only someone on the inside could have leaked that info.”
“You two are the best Major Crimes has. Most arrests, most drug and crime busts I’ve seen on a record in all my years of being here.” Singer folded his arms, looking between the two of you. “I don’t know the whats, whens, whos, hows, whys of what happened when you two were last assigned on a case together, but I need this operation to stay in this circle right here.” He faced you. “When you’re working this case, Agent Harvelle can’t be there. It’s gonna be hard to shake, but you can handle it. As for you,” Singer shot an exasperated look at Winchester, “look presentable!”
“I look hot.” Dean pouted, now holding his jacket over his shoulder with it hooked on his index.
“Hot isn’t FBI. Go sort yourself out, or I’ll get your brother to do it. I need to oversee operations.” Singer left the room and the tense air between you and Dean, which you faced head on.
“So,” You started in a lilting voice, which he recognised instantly as your teasing tone and prompting an eye roll before the words left your lips, “was she good?”
“Shut up.” He groaned, shaking his head as he pulled his suit jacket back on. “None of your damn business. It’s an intimate exploration, not exhibitionism.” He lowered his voice so you couldn’t hear. “Though she’d probably be into that.”
“Are we calling sex an intimate exploration now?” You scoffed lightly, laughing afterwards. “You’re such a sappy romantic.”
“Asshole.” He shot back. Two can play, Winchester.
“Dumbass.”
“Smartass.”
“Jackass.”
“We gotta stop using ‘ass’ in every sentence.” He groaned, running a hand through his hair and picking up the file to busy himself. But the file was picked out of his hands, left carelessly on the desk, your lips claiming his something sinful.
Something that had him moaning, gripping your hips and his mouth soft, pliable, agreeable to your every want and need. He was all yours, and that was all it took to silence him.
Well, not really silence him, but details weren’t necessary. Not when your plush lips were pressing against his neck like that. Hot, open mouthed. Insistent. Rousing. Dizzying. Intoxicating.
He’d be damned if he ever got enough.
His shirt was soon hanging open, tie discarded as the marks of that sexy lipstick shade littered his torso, and he wasn’t complaining. He definitely wasn’t complaining when you sank to your knees, unbuckling his belt as your tongue traced his abs. Didn’t dare when his slacks pooled to the floor, boxers dropping next, his hand tangling in your hair as-
“Hey.” Your fingers snapped in front of him, taking him out of his delightful daydream, however ill-timed. He swallowed, giving himself a once over. No tie discarded, no shirt undone, no lipstick marks and definitely no you looking so sexy on your knees for him. Having him whine for you.
That was a thought worth biting his lip to.
“You with me?” You continued, and upon his shaky nod, you gave him a weird look before continuing on with your briefing. He inwardly wiped sweat off his brow, thankful to whatever god was watching for the lucky save.
Tumblr media
You were sipping a late-night decaf coffee as you contemplated the case again, dressed in your worst-looking pyjamas with an old tea stain on the front and fuzzy socks. Had you scoped the party properly, you could’ve clocked if big man Brierson was actually there. But he’d known, he’d known, and now everyone in Major Crimes was under investigation.
By you.
Well, and Agent Winchester, but you’d rather not think of him. You’re actually not quite sure what happened between you two, all that you broke your own rules for your heart to be broken too. You focused on your job, he had fun. Your cycle went that way.
You’d find a new case, he’d find a new girl. Both to busy yourselves so you wouldn’t have to think about each other, which worked until now.
You got a phone call, and you mindlessly picked it up, irritated as you were pulled from your contemplative thoughts. “What do you want? I’m busy.”
‘Dean, so nice to hear from you.’ You heard, his voice mimicking yours before switching back to his. ‘Wow, Agent, colour me surprised; it’s nice to hear from you too. How are you, Dean? I’m perfectly fine, sweetheart, how are you? You’re so polite.’
“Do I sound like someone to engage in small talk right now?” You deadpanned among chuckles at his own joke, putting your dinner - leftovers - in the microwave. God, you weren’t in the mood for this.
Eventually his snickers subsided, and he cleared his throat as you set the mug down. ‘Duly noted. You’re boring. Anyway, about the mole case. I think we should meet up in the office tomorrow to draw up a list of potential suspects.’
You took your warmed dinner, placing the phone between your shoulder and ear as you stabbed the spaghetti with a fork, chewing as you spoke. “And I think you’re insane. That’s the place we’re casing. Why in the hell would we start drafting up names there?”
You heard Dean clear his throat at the end of the line. ‘Right. Got it. My place?’ Truth is, Dean had been hoping you’d say anything but ‘let’s not draft at the office’. He was scared he’d lift you up on the nearest surface and do what he hadn’t the previous time, mark you, claim you and then let you claim him, mark him, wreck him. He didn’t know what you two were, or what you’d become.
Maybe strangers with very intense, deep seated sexual tension.
“What time?” You asked through yet another bite of spaghetti. You weren’t about to forgo dinner for this dude, cordiality be damned.
‘Tomorrow, straight after hours, just head to my place. Does that work for you?’
“Mm, yeah.” You nodded, setting down your plate to quickly note it in your schedule. “See you then, Agent Winchester.”
‘Call me Dean.’
“Agent Winchester.” It was the least you could do after how things got last time. Again, you’d rather not talk about it.
Tumblr media
You walked into the DC office after registering, briefing with Agent Singer before heading to the break room, where you found Trainee Agent Harvelle, Trainee Agent Kevin Tran, Agent Benjamin Lafitte, Agent Garth Fitzgerald and Agent Sam Winchester.
You knew Sam. He was a damn sight more respectful and less… Dean-esque than his older brother. Smarter, yet less effective on brute force raids. For that, you needed Dean Winchester. Anything research, or hacking into databases, Sam was your guy.
“Agents.” You smiled awkwardly, not knowing how else to greet them as you went straight for the coffee pot. Thank the Lord for the petition to make the standard of coffee in that jug better that got the vote from every damn person in the department.
HR and Maintenance can suck it.
“Agent.” The rest of them replied, identically sipping cups of Joe.
“Agents.” Singer walked in, holding a file. “Briefing room. Now.” He walked out, and you all followed suit, taking your coffees with you because you needed the caffeine to sustain your brains. Once you all stepped into the briefing room, where Agent Winchester and Agent Nick Garrison were waiting.
Singer grunted, pulling up a slideshow on the board. “Let’s get this over with.” He showed bodies, robbed banks, hostage situations. “Six occurrences of organised crime over the past four weeks. All hitting major municipalities. Now it’s our jurisdiction.”
“What have we got from the crime scenes?” Agent S. Winchester asked, brow furrowed in thought.
“Nothing but this snake logo, spray painted at every scene.” Up comes a logo of a rearing cobra.
You shrugged, quickly figuring something out. “Well, that solves half of the mystery. They want our attention.”
“It is possible.”
“I think it’s a temper tantrum.” You snorted, pointing to the board. “Look at where they’re hitting. Large cities, maximum damage, it’s a cry out for our beady eyes. Leaving a logo at the scene? Someone either wants to get caught or lead us on.”
“Sounds kinda like girls at a bar.” Agent D. Winchester snickered, but earned a weird look from everyone in the room. “What? I make my own style of analogies, don’t come at me for it.”
“Who’s on the team, sir?” Lafitte asked, the man all slow drawl, suave talk and suspenders.
You pointed to Agent D. Winchester, smirking. “Leave him out, his main interests are girls and booze.”
“Blow me.” He scoffed in retaliation, glaring at you. That was a mistake on Dean’s part, cause he started to imagine it. Oh, that memory’s vivid as hell.
“Beg for it.” You shot back, and despite the steady inflation of awkwardness, he really had half a mind to beg for it, honour be damned to hell.
Pin drop silence. Shared smirks. Uncomfortable eye contact between you and Dean, your minds going to places they really shouldn’t.
Agent Singer cleared his throat, then continued talking. “I want you,” he pointed to you, “and the two Agent Winchesters and Agent Lafitte on it, and the two trainees Agent Tran and Harvelle to shadow. You’re dismissed, except for you two.”
Didn’t take a genius to know who ‘you two’ were.
So everyone but you and Agent D. Winchester filtered out, and the moment the door closed, you were both less bickering, head chopping and heart ripping. More on business.
“This is a good chance for you two to scout for our mole.” Singer looked between the two of you pointedly. “As much unknown history as you two have, you idjits need to set that aside. For the sake of our damn Major Crimes unit. Narcotics will give me hell if I don’t sort this out. And the board of directors will be less pleased that we’ve been compromised.”
“We understand, sir.” You nodded, understanding how goddamn serious this was. Lives were on the line. Your jobs, the Federal Bureau of Investigation’s maintained integrity. “We can put aside our differences, can’t we, daddy’s boy?” You smirked at Dean, then pretended to realise that you’d made a mistake. “Oh, my bad. Agent Winchester.”
Dean resisted a clapback with all his might. He didn’t care if their CO was right there, he’d bend you over this desk and show you who’s really in control here.
That would wipe the smirk off those pretty lips. Replace it with his claim over you.
Tumblr media
“So, Dean, I wanna know.” Sam smirked, cracking open a beer and passing it to his older brother. “What’s with you and her?”
Dean scoffed, sipping the beer and shaking his head. “I’m asked this fifty times a day. There’s nothing going on here. We’re work colleagues. She’s incredibly annoying, and grating, and infuriating, and I’m extremely handsome.”
That got a wider smirk from Sam, a knowing one. “You knew who I was talking about.”
That caught Dean out, and he furrowed his brow in confusion. “Say what?”
“You have so many girls in your life that half of your contacts are women.” Sam raised an eyebrow, then chuckled. “But you knew who I was referencing first try.”
“Humour me, Sammy.” Dean grimaced, folding his arms. “How do you label intense sexual tension that was almost acted on yet it almost broke our personal set of rules? Hm? Thought so.”
“So, she’s kind of like an old flame.”
“That flame ain’t lit.”
Sam nodded slowly, giving a breathless chuckle and an inclination of his head. “Yeah. Sure.” He stepped out of the room to head upstairs, which alerted Dean of the implication. He rolled his eyes, throwing his hands up in the air.
“Hey! Sammy!”
Tumblr media
NEXT UP:
“Oh, honey, such a flirt!” You laughed in a posh accent, mimicking your mother’s laugh to the best of your ability while you swatted Dean’s chest. He smirked at the look in your eyes, because goddamn was it obvious that you hated this.
“Darlin’, I can’t help myself around you.” He turned to the other charity goers with a proud smirk, gesturing to all of you. “Can’t keep my hands off my gorgeous wife. Might have to have something off the menu for dessert, if you catch my drift.” He winked at some elderly ladies, who giggled and waved him off.
“Such a charming boy.” One cooed, obviously eyeing Dean up with poorly restrained envy. While you looked around for your target, you missed the way Dean’s eyes travelled down your body in that form-fitting red dress, v-neck, v-back, thigh slit where he knew you had a thigh holster strapped in, all the good stuff. And his eyes were on those scarlet heels.
He was imagining ramming into you with those sexy things on. And that dress, well, it’d be off in second if he had the chance. And that lipstick? Well, it’d be smeared and leaving prints on his neck, chest, abs and- that’s going a bit too unprofessional.
Tumblr media
Like, comment or reblog! I’d love to hear your feedback. Comment if you want to be added to the taglist.
TAGLIST:
@goldngguk @sweetpeachbombshell @slut-for-stiles @staple-your-mouth @daddyscrimsstuff
@deanbrainrotwritings
@dob-4-life @marcis-mixtapez @nonoreas0n @gabrielasilva1510
@lucyholmes13 @pandadork-blog1 @nicolstancu @malusinhaaaa @dybalabandolero
@a-cup-of-nightshade @tomatoessoup @sh0rtcakee @fall-06 @mckaykay-fandoms
@b3th13
@demonxangelomegaverse @deanwinchestersgirl87 @capailluiscedove @i723l-interrupted2323 @niyomiii
@all-the-fan-fic @eviekinevie8 @sunflowerlover57
@1-800-dean-winchester
@darichvep @idk-usernme @supernaturalmarvel3000 @ega2025 @deanbrainrotwritings
@targaryenluvs @bucky-hydra-hoe-barnes @leigh70 @aintnowayboi @ripoffsteveharrington
@gleefulleve @sacrosankta
@riteofpassage77 @eevvvaa @thedevilortheangel @thorsballhair @barbienotdoll
@4e1h3r @wolfieblue03 @kianaleani @vicky199625 @sassyslut2003
@impyrz
@didisull @miwp @lastcallatrockysbar @rizlowwritessortof
@zepskies @angelbabyyy99
@autisticgothic
@yourgoldengirls @deansobsessedgirl @mrsjenniferwinchester
@aylacavebear @lailawinchesterr @brightlilith @arcanaa @hobby27
@lyarr24 @ximm19
@a-girl-who-loves-disney @jeneelsworld @deans-spinster-witch @deanspinsterwitchs-readinglist @kayleighwinchester
To be added to any character’s taglist of mine, find my form on my master list.
61 notes · View notes
Note
I've got young kids, work full time, went back to school to get my degree and my spouse is also in a degree program. Finding the time to write feels impossible. There's no way I can write daily.
I feel like maybe my dream to be an author is out of reach. When should you really ask yourself if you truly want to be an author? Forget an author.. do you really want to be a writer? 
Author Dream Feels Out of Reach
You've come to the right place. ♥
First, I want to tell you that what you're feeling right now is totally normal. So, so many of us go through it. I promise you're in good company.
Second, I submit that this isn't really about whether or not you want to be a writer/author. You wouldn't be here if some part of you didn't want to be a writer/author... you wouldn't be reaching for a dream you didn't have...
Third, I further submit that rather than questioning your intentions, you may just need to consider what you want to get out of writing, what your goals would be as an author, and then create realistic goals to help you get there. That's where I come in...
1 - I'm here to tell you that you don't have to write every day. I spent a long, long, embarrassingly long time parroting back the traditional "advice" that one must write every single day in order to be a successful writer and reach your author dreams. Head, meet desk! In the intervening years, I've learned that writing every day simply isn't realistic for the vast majority of people. Why? Because we're not all independently wealthy bachelors who retired in our 40s, who spend our days fishing and our evenings partying with our eccentric creative friends, and then burning the midnight oil on our latest manuscript while we sip brandy and puff on a fine cigar. If only! (minus the cigar part... yuck...) Instead, we're members of family units, friend groups, and communities. We're parents and grandparents and guardians and caregivers. We're students, we have jobs and roles and responsibilities. We're anxious, tired, and stretched so unbelievably thin. The world is falling down around us. And it's... a lot...
2 - But... that's why we write... ALL OF THAT, I say, gesturing broadly at everything, is why we write. We write to tell the stories of the eccentric brandy-sipping writers, the stressed-out-stretched-thin-parents, the overworked-and-underpaid teachers, the exhausted caregivers who feel their dreams slipping between their fingers, and still hopeful dreamers who cling to the stars with the dust of the crumbling world in their eyes. We write to tell their stories, and we write to give them stories. We write because the world needs our stories. ALL of them. The good, the bad, the clean, the spicy, the angsty, the swoony, the cringey, the comforting, the excessively long, the absurdly short, the plainly written, the purple prosey... all of it matters. All of it serves a purpose.
3 - So, why did you start writing in the first place? You don't have to answer this for me, just for yourself... many of us would answer by saying things like, "because I have story ideas that demand to be written," or "because it's something I do for fun and escape, it's self-care," or "because I love to explore human stories." Getting to the heart of why you write, outside of any goals or future plans, can help ground you in the storm.
4 - What are your author goals? Now, if time, energy, and other considerations were no object... if you could spend as much time writing as you wanted and there were no obstacles to any author goal you had, and no limit to achieving your dreams, what would your author goals be? Do you want to share your stories on Wattpad or a similar platform? If so, do you have any goals related to views/reads/comments, and how often you hope to post a new story? If you want to pursue traditional publishing, are you happy being reasonably popular within your niche, or do you want to be a big time best-seller with your books made into movies? If you want to be an indie author, is there a certain number of books you want to get out each year? Is there a certain number of sales you want to hit for each book? A certain income level you want to aim for? Figuring out exactly what your goals are is important if you want to map a reasonable path toward getting there.
5 - What's a reasonable path to get there? Imagine "reasonable" lit up with lights here, because it's so, so important. Really, the biggest reason writers get overwhelmed and give up is because we have unreasonable expectations and are trying to meet arbitrary goals that sound great, but are just not possible to meet. If you can only muster maybe three hours to write on a good week, and you can write 26 words a minute on a good writing session, if your goal is to write 10,000 words per week, guess what... that's more than TWICE the number of words it's even possible for you to write in a good week, so you're going to fall far, far short most weeks. It's an unrealistic goal.
If you're averaging roughly 11,000 words per month and your goal is to write a novel in six months and have it revised, edited, and published (or revised, edited, and sent off with queries), guess what... your manuscript is sitting at 66,000 words at the six month mark without a single second for revision, editing, or anything else. Once again, it's an unrealistic goal.
One of the best ways to figure out a realistic goal is to take an honest look at your schedule. My favorite way to do this is by the month, using a calendar I can write on. Now, I'll go through and cross out all the days I know I won't be able to write... like, maybe I never write on Sundays because they're too busy, so I cross those off. Maybe I'm going on vacation for four days mid-month, and I know I won't write the day before or after, so I cross those six days off, too. My days tend to fall apart if I have an appointment or other unusual event, so I will usually block off those days as well. Finally, I know I will probably lose at least three days a month to not feeling well or having to attend to a family member who isn't feeling well, and another three days to run-of-the-mill nonsense, so I'll cross off the last six days in the calendar. What I'm left with is a reasonable estimate for the number of days I'll be able to write that month.
Now, let's say I'm left with 17 potential writing days. And let's say I'm fairly certain I'll be able to commit about twenty to thirty minutes to writing on each of those days. And... let's say I know I generally write about 26 words per minute during the average writing session. Twenty minutes across 17 days is 340 total minutes, times 26 wpm, nets me about 8,840 words for the month... and that's not frickin' bad! In fact, at that rate you could potentially have a first draft done in six to eight months! And that's in just twenty minutes a day three or four times a week.
It isn't about time spent, it's about setting reasonable goals.
If you create reasonable goals that you can actually meet, you start building forward momentum. You're not exhausted from fighting with your schedule and failing to squeeze writing in on days when it isn't possible. You're not beaten down from disappointing yourself over and over again. You're actually getting somewhere, and you're excited about it!
So, that's it. Before you get all philosophical about whether or not you really want to be an author or want to be a writer... before you start tossing your dreams out the window or feeling like your dreams are out of reach, try this. Be realistic. Be patient with yourself. Take support where you can get it. And don't be afraid to fiercely guard whatever writing time you do have.
I'm here for support, and there a million wonderful writing communities out there filled with other supportive writers if you have some time to look for them and spend some time getting to know them.
All the best! You've got this... TRULY! ♥
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!
♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here
58 notes · View notes
cripplecharacters · 2 days
Note
Alright, Google was unhelpful so I'm asking here: what can you guys tell me about what happens to an eye after it's burned, as in, directly exposed to fire?
There's a character in a major fandom I'm in who wears an eyepatch following a fight with his (pyrokinetic) brother, and I'd like to depict him with the kind of facial difference that would actually cause: burn scars, and... whatever would happen to the eye.
It seems like a reasonably straightforward thing to look up, but everything I got was related to either chemical burns (and much more about emergency care than the aftermath) or a burning sensation in the eyes, which is... not what I was hoping to find, haha.
So anyway, my question is, what would happen to an eye that was severely burned? Blindness seems obvious, but it feels like the kind of situation where they might lose the eye completely, is that a possibility? If not, what would the eye end up looking like? Sorry if this is an annoying question, I just had a really hard time finding anything online.
Hi!
To put it simply, there's a lot of variation here - and to answer your question, losing the eye is very much a possibility if the damage is that extensive, or if there's a severe infection happening.
An important part of any eye burn injury is that there are eyelids in the way of the fire, so they're going to be damaged. Skin grafts are extremely common for that; without them, the eyelids will contract and not really serve their function. Having the eyelids removed and replaced with grafts will also help with preventing secondary infection and corneal complications. If the whole burn is on the milder side, and he keeps his eyelids he could have ptosis; i.e. an eyelid that doesn't fully open all the way.
When we get to the eye itself, you're essentially looking at a hundred different kinds of infections that could occur. Corneal damage will be the most obvious due to where it is, but it could go deeper if the burn is severe. E.g., keratitis and/or corneal ulcers can very much happen due to a burn injury, and if untreated they can cause corneal scarring (can look like white spots and/or lines on the eye), cataracts (can cause the pupils to appear lighter), glaucoma, and any further issues if that spreads - including the possibility of blindness in the other eye, as sympathetic ophthalmia exists.
After that, there's retinal detachment (which isn't visible) and actual globe injuries, which often tend to end up in the eye being removed (very much visible). We have a post about options following that!
Sometimes an injured eye can also be slightly discolored on the sclera part. Redness is the most common, but mine were mostly yellow-brownish on the sides after I had surgery (and still are, but not as much). So if he still has the eye, it could look like that as well, either due to the actual burn or the procedures that he could have.
I hope this helps!
mod Sasza
60 notes · View notes
cubanpetekotrb · 3 days
Text
First things first, and I know this is only the preview for tomorrow, so who knows what will happen and if the fotografA is actually interested 🤷🏼‍♀️
but if she is, then Fina, please grant me your lesbian powers 🙏🏻. Because how the hell does she get not 1, not 2, but 3 gorgeous redheaded lesbians after her in extremely homophobic 1950s Spain? And she doesn't even do anything they just.... fall in her lap.... amazing.... I take my imaginary hat off to you 🫵🏻 Fina!
Anyways, if all of this isn't happening, then Fina still has amazing lesbian powers because also in the preview, there is some major Mafin tension YES. NO ANGST, finally.
(I know, I know they won't be together yet, so more angst ahead, which I do enjoy a lot, but it's nice we get a bit of a break)
Some episode related news, I'm beginning to appreciate that cousin of hers, Joaquin. I thought he was a bit too much Jesús' little bitch but I like him a lot better around Marta.
Bring on tomorrow and rest of week!
64 notes · View notes
olderthannetfic · 2 days
Note
When it comes to tagging wank. I don't expect anyone to tag anything, but I just wanted to share my experience with some tagging woes. People can do whatever they want. I have two major squicks bordering a low trigger: sexual abuse and child sexual abuse, and one trigger a la common household item. Let's pretend it's buttered toast, it's not be let's pretend.
I don't expect anyone to tag buttered toast. So what I do is use the entire work button, and then I do a quick ctrl+F and look for the words. If I find it I can click back, or find a different way to skip that word.
But with the squicks, especially when untagged and "CNTW" is NOT (NOT) being used, it's much harder. I've excluded so many tags that have any relation to the squicks and I still frequently have to deal with people having it either mentioned, or just straight up front and center in a scene. I have a list with quick search options like with the buttered toast, the problem is that buttered toast is pretty straight forward, I have like 4-6 words at most I might have to look for. With the squicks the list is much longer, and even that one doesn't always warn me because the author managed to avoid any of the normally dead ringer words. Character names. Words relating to the acts. Specific things being referenced. One time I did my entire list, and then the author managed to skirt that one by spelling a name wrong twice, and splitting a word into two that's normally one word. So I stumbled right into a paragraph that went into great graphic detail of those squicks, and because of the way I write I was already halfway into it. I also felt my time wasted because I completely stopped reading that fic after, even though I was about 7 chapters in? About 20k words?
Anyway, it's just a bit tiresome when you try your best and stuff like this still kicks you right in the face. Even after all the preparations and precautionary measures. Some times I do feel like these authors just expect you to know their headcanon, or what fanon they follow, and forget that a that isn't the case.
--
39 notes · View notes
thehollowwriter · 2 days
Text
I thought this would be smt fun to post the night before Silas' birthday XD. Blame @the-trinket-witch who was inspired by my Finn shitpost/j
Silas Clearcove x Reader HCs
•Firstly you're going to have to be at least 40 because Silas views young adults as kids, and the idea of dating them is out of the question
•You'll need to have tough skin because Silas is blunt and to the point. He's not purposefully cruel or mean, but he doesn't see the point in tip toeing around things and trying to soften the blow
•Don't be clingy. He's busy, so you won't see him as often as you may like, and he's not very talkative either. He won't ignore you, of course, but he's a man of few words, and if you're chatty, you'll have to carry most of the conversation.
•Don't think he's ignoring you, though. He listens carefully to every word you say and is genuinely interested in what you have to say, even if it's as mundane as accidentally dropping your toothbrush while brushing your teeth or something
•Finn has to like you. It's like a major requirement. Not only has he sat through enough drama in relation to stepparents with Morrigan's family to last a lifetime, but he's simply not going to make Finn go through that
•So yeah, he makes it quite clear that you're second to Finn priority wise and be does not sugar coat it
•Other than that, your gender, species, etc doesn't matter at all to him
•It's impossible to tell if he's interested in you romantically because he acts the exact same as he usually does unless you initiate some form of flirting first, and if he catches on his flirting is a bit weird
•He's pretty to the point, just like Finn, except all he does is give you a courting gift, and if you aren't merfolk, he probably forgets you don't know what that means lmao. But he will clarify after he realises you don't get it
•Silas isn't lovey dovey in the conventional sense, but he loves deeply and fiercely and holds you in high regard
•He's protective and will absolutely kill for you, no questions asked. As long as you're safe, he's happy.
•He gives you things he's found or made that he thinks are interesting or useful, usually weapons
•You will be given lots of food and you will eat it. Nah, he'll just eat it if you don't want it
•This man does not believe in wasting anything, and if there's something you don't want to use anymore, he'll probably find some kind of use for it. There are very few things he can't reuse
•Doesn't mind getting into tussles with you at all and would be quite delighted if you are willing to
•He's paranoid, though he hides it well and frequently checks up on you to make sure you're aliv- *ahem* doing ok
•His toxic trait is that he will compare you to Morrigan internally. He doesn't do it on purpose, but it's a bad habit
•He doesn't take off Morrigan's courting gift either and that might cause some... issues if you have a problem with that
•You'll have to be chill with a lot of things because Silas is by no means morally ok and he does a lot of fucked up shit
•Silas is very loyal and supportive and if there's something you want to achieve he'll help to the best of his ability
•He takes immense interest in your culture and home and will pester you with questions about it
* * *
This started as a joke what happened 😭
Tags:
Tagging: @distant-velleity @br3adtoasty @rainesol @theleechyskrunkly @jovieinramshackle
@galaxies-and-gore @cyanide-latte @cynthinesia @officialdaydreamer00 @krenenbaker
@offorestsongs @kitwasnothere @elenauaurs @boopshoops @inotonline
@1dont-really-know @kazumify @minteasketches @elysia-nsimp @skrimpyskimpy
@casp1an-sea @offorestsongs @tixdixl @poisoned-pearls @the-trinket-witch
@ramshacklerumble @ghostiidasponk @thegoldencontracts @the-banana-0verlord @cloudcountry
@skriblee-ksk @twstinginthewind
36 notes · View notes
ticktockheartstop · 8 hours
Text
I just find it sooo interesting how Charles chooses to kiss Crystal after the most emotional day in Port Townsend so far. Let’s review:
1. Charles is clearly jealous of Monty and Edwin at the beginning of the episode: “You? Him? Spending a lot of time?” (Whether this is platonic or romantic jealousy, I’ll leave that up to you… though I definitely have thoughts.)
2. Edwin is really trying, for maybe the first time ever, to comfort Charles and get him to open up (because the Devlin case in the previous episode made him realize that Charles has major walls up). Edwin paying, even slightly, is definitely a new, potentially kinda scary thing for Charles.
3. Crystal is really concerned about Charles and not afraid to hide it, and it’s clearly irritating him. So much so that he nearly snaps at her — which he never does to her — and he stops himself, only to say, “As long as I’ve got my best mate and a case to solve, I’m good.” *pause* “I appreciate you. But leave it, yeah?” I just think it’s really significant that Charles didn’t say “as long as I’ve got you guys” or “my mates” or “you and my best mate.” Crystal was a hit of an afterthought, I think.
4. Charles tells Edwin off for not telling him about the Cat King, so much so that Edwin feels the need to say: “I don’t understand why you’re so angry.” Charles is clearly not in the best mood, not thrilled about the case they’re facing, and not thrilled about his “best mate” hiding things from him.
5. Charles nearly watches Crystal jump to her death, and it wasn’t even him who saved her. It was Niko. He looks the most devastated of all of them, and then gives her that big speech of how important it is for her to know that jumping isn’t worth it, because it’s not actually her mom, no matter what it feels like. And she basically tells him he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, because she knows her mom wants to see her.
6. Charles is so jealous, watching Monty flirt with Edwin as he’s stuck digging through a dumpster.
7. Let’s just be clear on one thing: Crystal was the first to “attack” the Night Nurse, even if she tried to do it psychically instead of physically, and no one bats an eye. But then, when Charles gets violent with her after she threatens to take Edwin back to hell and makes him relive all his trauma, all while basically teasing him, everyone FLIPS OUT about him attacking her. It’s honestly kind of unfair, and I’d lose it too if my friends looked at me like that.
8. Charles really loses it for the first time (maybe ever in front of Edwin). He feels like he can’t help Crystal with her problems, and he can’t get Edwin to be honest about what’s going on in his head, so he definitely can’t help him, and it’s heartbreaking. But the real kicker is that the only one who steps up to try to comfort him in that moment is Edwin, because the others are still stunned by his outburst. But Charles flinches away from his touch, because he can’t fathom how anyone could love him or want to be near him in that moment.
8. If that wasn’t enough, as they leave the lighthouse, Crystal is staring at him with major concern. For obvious reasons. But I relate to Charles in the way that that look would drive me CRAZY, and I think it’s so important that later, when offering an understanding ear, Edwin doesn’t let Charles see the scope of his concern for him. That’s why I think Charles responds more politely to his offer to talk to him if he ever needs it.
9. Slightly out of chronological order here, but before going into their respective rooms, Niko says, “I think I’m going to go do something where I don’t have to think now.” And Crystal says, “Yeah, I’m with you.” … and then she goes and makes out with Charles.
10. Idk, it just seems a bit self-destructive of Charles to go make out with a girl right after she says that, and to kiss her for the first time right after she says “I just want something that’s real.” After he spent the whole day being jealous about Edwin spending time with Monty, and keeping a meeting with the Cat King from him, and after Charles lost his mind (understandably). Like, this is not the time to make romantic decisions! This can only end with someone getting hurt.
49 notes · View notes
werewolfetone · 1 day
Text
Hi my name is cú chulainn who is sétanta the son of sualdam and conchobar's sister dechtire and I guard the house of culann (that's how I got my name) with hair that stands on end and one eye that closes and one eye that pops out like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like my father sualdam (a/n if you don't know who that is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to láeg but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm an ancient celt and my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also an undefeated warrior, and I fight for the army of ulster where I'm the only one not afflicted by the curse (I'm seventeen). I'm the strongest warrior in ireland (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love scáthach and I get all my weapons from her. for example today I was carrying my ball and my javelin and my hurley stick. I was being driven in my chariot to áth grena. it was snowing and raining and there was no sun, which I was very happy about. a lot of connachtmen stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them
44 notes · View notes
neoninky · 1 day
Text
So today I was binging Bridgerton cuz apparently I’m on a romantic drama spiral 😂 good ol stuffy British romances about rich people and their non-relatable problems 👍
Which has lead me to head canons surrounding a certain group of dashing young men who are basically from a historical drama…
Yes that’s right:
Diasomnia Courtship Head Canons
Featuring Lilia’s three sons (no this is not how I’m going to write them in my story-oh who am I kidding, yes it is 😂)
Tagging peeps for shenanigans: @nuitthegoddess @wysteriadelights @iscarlettappel @foxwitchaine @1ndigowitch @victoria1676
Malleus: The prince and soon-to-be king of Briar Valley, he is naturally expected to find himself a queen and future mother to his heirs. So courtship isn't something that comes as a surprise to him. In fact, it's something he was prepared for since he became old enough to understand what courtship and marriage even were.
For Malleus, this can go one of two ways: 1) if he's being forced to meet and court a some daughter of a noble family that he's not interested in, he'll be…avoidant. In other words, he out poofs away in firefly dust. Once the guards, or Silver and Sebek, OR Lilia, finally hunt him down and force him to show up, Malleus is polite. He goes through all the motions and acts like the perfect gentleman, but anyone who knows him well can see the distant, far-off look of escapism in his eyes.
OR 2) he's not only interested, he is INVESTED. Hoo boy, good luck stopping him from trying to be the only man on this girl's radar. Not only does he perform all the expected etiquette perfectly, Malleus Draconia is the epitome of "down bad". What's her favorite color? Favorite flowers? Does she like music? What's her favorite food??? This man will discover and procure all of it for her faster than lightning. Seven help him if she is (for some reason) not impressed, he'll be crushed. Seven help him if she is impressed and - dare it be so - shows appreciation and affection in return. Smitten doesn't even skim the surface, oof. Malleus Draconia needs to marry her now. His crew will have their hands full trying to help the love-struck royal not come on too strong (too late probably) or rush things too quickly. Either way, once his mind is made up, Malleus only has eyes for his queen.
Silver: Being a human raised primarily around fae folk or even half-fae folk, Silver is familiar with the range of courting rituals that various fae have performed over the years. Human courtship, on the other hand, well…he's a bit lost if not old-fashioned in that department. Mostly because of his lack of human interaction, but also because his father is Lilia. Self explanatory. He doesn't have a preference on fae women vs human/other women, though he understands that fae live far longer than humans so that might complicate things. Regardless, Silver is clumsy when wooing women (or anyone he might be interested in). He has the heart of the very best-boi boy but he can be a bit shy with showing/voicing his feelings at first.
The majority of his life has been dedicated to becoming a worthy knight for Malleus, though his school days allowed him some leisure and fun in between his training. Even so, Silver's bravery and tenacity in battle doesn't translate into romance. In fact, he often suffers from cold feet when faced with a potential crush/love interest. Silver logically knows certain things he can do to show his affection on paper. In action, however, he may need some help practice. Don't even get him started on the anxiety his sleep condition brings him. He gets so nervous about suddenly passing out in front of the girl he wants to romance that it will sometimes make him literally sick (poor guy). Once he FINALLY gets over his nerves and takes action, Silver can make his feelings known. It may be awkward but you won't find another more genuine confession from a guy who looked like he walked out of a fairy tale. Also don't be surprised if an army of woodland creatures was recruited to help out.
If rejected, Silver is nothing if not a man of honor. He sees no point in hounding a woman who isn't interested in him, no matter how much it hurts. If his feelings are reciprocated, the poor man might pass out from joy. If he prepares correctly, Silver drinks enough coffee to keep that from happening. Silver will then exhale in immense relief ask his beloved for an even more romantic date, which he spent at least three days planning out with the help of the other Diasomnia bois. Victory achieved.
Sebek: While Malleus is enthusiastic and full throttle and Silver is charmingly shy/awkward and slow to act, Sebek is somewhere in the middle. This man is and always has been very disciplined in all endeavors. For him, romance will be no different. Sebek Zigvolt has trained since childhood to be Malleus' knight. This is his greatest goal and ambition. Someday his lord will marry and have children, precious little princes and princesses! Naturally, their security and well-being are Sebek's top priority!! As such romance has been put on the back burner through the majority of Sebek's teen years.
Once Sebek sets his sights on courtship and romance, he will not settle for just anyone, no sir. He is a man with taste and standards. You know those girls who write down the traits of their ideal husbands in a list? Sebek is the male equivalent of that. It's not as shallow as it sounds, Sebek just knows what he wants. Granted he started the list when he was about 14 years old cough, so some things do change as he matures. Even so, Sebek is - like Silver - old-fashioned in romance. He knows all the moves: bringing her flowers on the first date, taking her on romantic moonlit walks while also respecting her boundaries and fighting off any hooligans that may threaten her dignity, getting her father's approval, the whole nine yards!
And boy is he prepared. He's actually quite proud - if not smug - of how much research he's put into properly courting a lady. His grandfather made sure to leave books out for him when he was young so of course he grew into an avid reader. Definitely learned a thing or two from romance novels but will not admit it out loud.
Either way, once Sebek finds his dream girl, he already has a strategy all mapped out. If one plan doesn't work, he's got backup plans. If things are going well, Sebek will not rush the courtship, but he will absolutely have the proposal and the wedding (hell, probably the honeymoon too dayum) all planned out in his head. If he somehow misses a detail, his mother and older sister will have at least five to ten different options at the ready to offer him and his lady love.
If for some reason Sebek's affections are rejected, he will put on a strong front…until he gets home/back to Malleus's castle and then he'll just fall to pieces. He's gonna need a grieving period, bless his heart. He will more than likely be a complete wreck until he gets the heartache completely out of his system.
If all goes well and Sebek does successfully get with his dream lady love, pssssh well OF COURSE he did! Was there ever any doubt?! Foolish humans, of course not! (Lies, Sebek definitely has moments of doubt that he covers up with loud outbursts and vigorous training to the point of exhaustion. Thank Seven that it did work out though, whew.)
BONUS:
Chaos ensues any time Lilia tries to make a meal to welcome his new 'daughters' to the family. The boys immediately go into covert ops to stop him from getting into the kitchen, sometimes asking their girlfriends/wives to help distract him or getting Lilia started on a story tangent about his travels, his glory days as a general, anything to keep him talking.
35 notes · View notes
blujayeyes · 2 days
Text
TMAGP OIAR Theory under the cut⬇️
Hi! It’s me! If you were on tmagp tiktok in the VERY early days of tmagp(I’m talking first two episodes just released) I was that one guy in the comments of every tmagp related video telling people my ship name for Chester and Noris(bEYEnary bfs). It is very likely you have no fuckin clue what I’m talking about, and if so, yeah that’s fair I’m assuming that’s most people reading this; HOWEVER either way in the past several months since tmagp 1&2, I have been working on my theory board(red string and all) and I have created a conspiracy board that would put Collin’s to shame, and looks just as insane, but using this I think I have solved the OIAR’s purpose within tmagp’s alchemy based fearscape, and bottom line, everyone is screwed.
So it all started when I saw these two images being compared on here
Tumblr media Tumblr media
So then I was like yeah that’s interesting from the alchemy angle but what does it mean but then I saw someone saying that if you look closely at the OIAR logo you can see the symbols for sulphur, salt, and mercury, the soul, body and mind, and then my curiosity got the best of me. So I started theorizing about this on my coarkbord and did some digging into the philosopher’s stone.
It was said to be a red stone that alchemists would try to make due to it’s properties of being able to turn base metals precious metals BUT it was also said that it could be used to create the elixir of life which could indefinitely prolong life aka immortality AKA one of the major reoccurring themes of tma AKA Jonah Magnus’s main goal that motivated him into starting the eyepocalipse AKA the thing we learnt was impossible in the fearpocalypse because no new people were being born and the end would eventually get them all.
So what did Lena say the OIAR’s job was to Gwen? To keep the wheel forever turning. So logically that would probably mean keeping the entities fed but preventing the end of the world. In other words sustainable fear. Keeping the wheel FOREVER turning. Are you starting to get it? So using that logic that clearly shows why she works so hard to keep the externals(avatars) at such a distance. But in her phrasing she made it sound like the OIAR is something they would jump to take if given the chance.
And then it hit me. Going back to my previous point we have been showed how much avatars and alchemy overlap, especially with the more recent episodes highlighting how avatars are partaking in alchemy, with tmagp 19 showing both the Magnus institute and sir Isaac newton were very involved with using alchemy in their spooky shit. Even as far back as the first two episodes we see this, and although it is more implied in episode 1 with red canary seeing “weird symbols” in the Magnus institute, it is said overtly in ep 2!
Which leads me to at least theorize that wether metaphorically or literally, the reason the avatars so intertwined with alchemy want to take control of the OIAR so bad, is because the OIAR(and probably FR3-D1, let’s be real) is the philosopher’s stone of their patrons, granting them eternal fear with perfect balance, just as Robert Smirke always dreamed. And the reason Lena wants to keep the place so secure is because if one did take it, it would unbalance the scale, making it lose it’s function and the possibility of an apocalypse imminent. And Gwen just weakened Lena’s boundaries by letting lady mowbray into the building.
Or I’m wrong. There’s every possibility that I’m wrong. After all this is my theory board
Tumblr media
And it’s like, 40% Elias theories. Jon would be proud.
But I’m like, 72% sure I’m right.
32 notes · View notes
prohistamine · 2 days
Text
Random rambling about my experience with the fetish growing up. Perhaps relatable?
Sometimes I think about how terrified I was as a preteen/young teen that my fetish was going to absolutely ruin my sex life. The idea that I would ever tell a partner about it felt unimaginable and I was so worried I wouldn’t be able to enjoy sex without it. I saw people on the forum saying they couldn’t orgasm without thinking about sneezing and I was so scared that would be me and I’d never be able to feel present during sex because of it. And now it’s like, not only do I have a partner who’s totally cool with it and thinks it’s hot, I’ve also realized it’s absolutely no big deal to have to think about weird shit in order to come. Like the majority of women and plenty of other people need to fantasize about something in order to come anyway who cares if my thing is random? Idk part of me wants to just laugh at my young self for thinking it was that deep but also she was in a lot of pain and I feel really bad for her. Like legit one of the most distressing things about puberty for me was realizing I had a niche fetish and now I’m like girl really?? This is what you’re stressed about?? I wish I could tell her it’s all gonna be fine but I guess she’s knows cause she’s me lol. 
33 notes · View notes