#like ppl used to make fun of me and my friends for this same reason cuz we grew up on immigrant versions of local food

[aashiyancha]

This can probably pinned on the tail end of Reinhardt's first event

[westywallowing]

bruhhh asking people who've called u one name for a while to call u something else is so weird ???

[deityofhearts]

I actually can’t complain about characters not like, realizing or accepting that someone love or cares about them (be it in a friend way, familial way or romantic way) because Same

[noxtivagus]

4:44 am late night thoughts under cut bcs i want to talk so much but tags reached way above cap c:

[strawberryvanillafrosting]

success life story ♡

heyy i'm here to share about my success story, the beginning is only before i started manifesting and about when i just started, all my success are on the very end of the blog, so feel free to skip directly at it if you're not interest by all the rambling !

have a good read ☆

michiko is so pretty, i've literally been told so many times i looked liker <3

the old story that i don’t live in anymore

okay so before i didn’t hate my life, at all, but i just found very dull and so poor of entertaining like it was just too fucking regular and repetitive.also a bit depressing. i thought of myself of such an unlucky girl before and i was like affirming all the fucking time that i was unlucky and guess what? everything really used to go the way i didn’t want it to go every single damn time and i’d be like i knew it im so unlucky boo-hoo.

same for the money i would just go every single fucking day rambling to my friends how poor i was and how i wanted money so bad and the same story every single fucking for days, weeks, months.

i really wanted a new appartement and my own room cause i used to share same room as my sister and it really was getting on my nerves, i had no privacy and place for myself. the apartment was small, my mum always kept complaining about it and then she would argue about my dad about it but the reason why we couldn’t move out despite trying for several months was cause my dad had whole lotta debts and my mom had a really low paying and hard job she was exhausted and, it was quiet hard to see them being this unhappy and they still tried their hardest to make us happy so i really wanted to get back at them.

about social life i had very few friends and barely went out, i'd say probably one time a month. and i really wanted to get that life of the party, and those big ass friends group and also i was crazy desperate about having black friends cause i am black and literally the only black out here without none of black friends and i felt pretty left out like wtf am i the only black girl with no black friends cause all of them (that's so dumb tho.. ) were friends and gets invited to the most fun hangouts and i was embarrassingly jealous of that and also complained a lot about it…and kept asking tf was wrong with me.

STRONGLY on this one : i wanted a relationship so bad and i kept hating and being sad to those couple on tiktok’s. one time i actually cried cuz i wanted a boys’s love so bad like i was craving it so bad. i was in such despair state before..cringy ahh ☠️

i used to be rlly insecure about my looks too even tho at some moments i felt more confident, i kept comparing myself and waisting dozens of minutes enumerating my "flaws ". i knew about manifestation but not really about law of assumption , for me manifesting was really all about listening to subliminals, method and scripting. we all once knew that phase yeah? i used to manifest from time to time but then would just give up again,since i was not seeing results and so on. so useful wow.and then there’s the others things like mediocre grades, poor family health, just constant tiredness and fatigue feeling,

tw : mention of being depressed,sh,ed, : felt empty like life had absolutely no meaning, suicidal thoughts, tried to end by over-consumption of medication, self-harm and bulimia, constant complaining and NEGATIVE ONLY mindset.

but now, NOW i tell you ever single thing i’ve just listed changed completely like every single damn thing i’ve just listed is no more, it’s out of the date, dead, buried and no longer existing !

it clicked

then at some point at my life i was just like. yk what? fuck i just wanna change it all. then i really like really  got into it all over again and for good. no more 1 week i try then giving up cause i ain’t seeing no « results ».

i watched hours and hours of ppl talking about loa (i’m not saying you should do this at all it’s just that i was very under-informed and wanted to know everything about loa)on youtube, shoutout to rita kaminski and hyler who really put me into it and informed me. then i started reading neville’s pdf books, and tumblr blogs, kinda overconsuming but i liked getting myself informed.

and then that’s where everything started and that i got aware of all the power i actually hold. all the things i actually can do just cause of my mind. i wrote down all my wishes in present tense ,like every single aspect i wanted to change/have in my life. and i started fully living in the end like really got myself into and at first of course, wavering from time to time in the beginning. it was pretty easy for me since i was used to manifestation.but what i didn’t do before is persist no matter what and that’s what was really tricky for me in the beginning to persist no matter what and not just give up to bullshit 3D. but when i kept moving forward no matter the 3D and made it facts the only my 4D matters and everything has already happened, ALL and every single wish down to the last one flowed into my life. ONE by ONE every single hour of the day i would get my manifestations down to the last letter i wrote in my notes.every single thing

success storyy

in a matter of few weeks like really 3 week-ish like- 1 month max.

starting off LUCK i’m extremely lucky now every single time i play gambling activities i win. i’ve won insane amounts at scratch cards i think i’ve won in total more than 5’000$. JUST FROM SCRATCH CARDS.and before i started i NEVER EVER WON. now whenever i play there’s not one time that i’ll win absolutely nothing even just a small prize

won huge lottery prize (from 200 to 12k the biggest i’ve won yet)

winning a gambling games, either online or dice rolling luck,bets, bingos etc.. its literally insane every one keep telling that i literally has got god’s blessing (i’m the god guys🥰)

financially freedom, my parents upgraded jobs and i’ve got lots of incomes + the money my parents give me 

all the debts my dad had, he got rid of ALL of them and when i tell you mf had a lot of em☠️

move out in a new huge ass condo which is a duplex (like really like i wrote it it’s actually scary how powerful we are..) I’VE FINALLY GOT MY OWN ROOM and we’re getting my desired furnitures and decorating the house i’m so grateful

friends and popularity i think biggest shock for me is really this. like my social life has gone from very paisible to completely fully booked and passioning life. like seriously i’ve been to more parties, concerts, birthdays, and hangouts during the last 2 weeks holidays than in my entire life

got lot of new friends, healthy relationships and quality time passed on lots of fun activities and sm memories

black groups friend. WITH AN S.so thankful to myself to be this good a manifestation i litteraly got into a black friend group of girls and i’ve never felt more at my place and understood this much. and these girls know the black group boys (when i tell you that 2y ago they were the person that i wanted to be close with so bad..also they’re really hot and funny lol)so we hung out with them and i was literally so highlighted and became pretty much friends with all of them !! 

my man. HELLO I LITERALLY MANIFESTED MY DREAM RELATIONSHIP? when i met him i didn’t actually realize right on the spot that he was exactly how i wanted him to be and reading back to when i scripted out all the things i wanted at the beginning, everything matched. he’s literally physically and mentally the man of my dream LIKE REALLY. we’re no bf and gf YET cause it’s just a little soon but we see each others super often and we have the best relationship ever i swear it’s giving wattpad. the flirting is crazyyy.

dream bod.from head to toe my desired body. heavy on the lower body all for that azz and wide hips.ive got smooth and clear skin and smell good all the time!! litteraly flawless face + got my braces which suits so much and dimples

plenty of vacations (went to ibiza, usa and dubai )

lenient parents they use to be so strict before i swear its crazy they let me go so easily now, i can hangout without asking 3 days ,like they accept even if i've gotta go in the next hour or if wanna go on trip that's in another country. i can come back home so much later too

attractive & magnetic aura + being really charismatic (everyone i met keep telling me i’ve got this thing that really makes them want me, get closer to me)

good grades without doing much

perfect self-concept - as i kept living 24/7 in the state of wish fulfilled, my self concept only got better making me really know what i’m worth and never wavering/ going back to the old story

whole ass pc set up

all of my desired skincare/makeups/shoes/clothes

and so much more...

outro

i hope y'all liked my blog and that it motivated some of you to NEVER GIVE UP cause y'all are reallyy some powerful mfs and y'all already got all of yours desires !!

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ honey kisses, shayama

[tirfpikachu]

i really think you can give yourself something akin to dysphoria w things unrelated to gender too. i think it may be the same feeling that otherkin and fictionkin people describe, and uhhhhh not to expose myself but yeah i was a hardcore kinnie and still dabble in it, and the feeling is a YEARNING for a different body and a different self, a yearning to not just be your boring cringy lonely self, bc you tried to fix and like that one but it's just too much work and it's annoying

i think also that any body modification or identity changes eventually gets boring, or at least neutral. you change your pronouns online or even irl, it makes you nervous, bashfully happy when someone uses it, giddy with emotion, etc it consumes your days until everyone uses them long enough then it all loses its spark and you have to focus on normal life again. there's a feeling of boredom followed by sudden thrilling nervewracking excitement when they (and i include myself in that) think of a higher stake like "omg should i legally change my name again? should i change my pronouns for the millionth time? what if i'm genderfluid instead of agender? what if i'm bigender instead of demigirl? what would it feel like? omg let me get into the mind of what those identities would feel like let me meditate and see if the ~vibe~ matches my true inner self let me journal on my blog let me go thru the tumblr tag of it to see if all the memes speak to my soul!! ugh this isn't big enough actually, this hasn't changed my life radically and fixed all my life problems and self-esteem yet, should i go on hormones? should i get surgeries? should i tell loved ones that i know will be bigoted and once they show themselves as transphobes i'll have to cut them off? bc my trans friends will reaffirm that they're as bad as abusers? should i get bottom surgery too?"

there's a fun secretive feeling of anonymity, a persona, a simulacrum. almost an OC of your ideal self you get to work on for sooo long until the changes happen, and by then you're emotionally attached to that OC, you want to be them So Bad. it's special rebirth. and many of those ppl... well not all, i do respect that some choose that path for other reasons and for healthier ones than others, i'm not 100% against transition/identification and not all dysphoria is healable, but as a detrans woman who's talked to many like me... MANY of these are just desperate people looking for good feelings and self-esteem, like i used to be. desperate ppl will grasp at anything they think will fix it, especially if luck is involved like hrt/surgeries where you don't actually fully know what the result will be and if you'll even like it, and if you don't you'll just be an ugly boring detrans reject. that's HIGH STAKES and for a mentally unwell person struggling w dysphoric symptoms it's addictive as hell and it makes you feel so special and makes your life finally feel thrilling like a movie, you have a vibrant community, you're finally interesting enough, and you'll finally be attractive enough after all the surgeries and hormones and with the cutest name and the most fitting pronouns and everybody will love you forever and will protect you from the big bad bigoted meanies who you should never talk to ever again shh any indecision is internalized transphobia and any worries from others is bigotry! just keep going!! never question anything or slow down ever and any therapy is just conversion therapy sweetie, don't listen to them <3

[judebelle]

been thinking ab joao and reader hooking up behind his teammates backs'... like they've been "involved" for a while but sometimes the tension is too much and they have to sneak away iykwim ;)

sneaky - j.f. x reader

a/n : omfg anon ur gonna be the death of meeeeeee!! also i made this kinda long since i havent posted in a while, oops..

pairing : joao felix x fem!reader

word count : 2.3k

summary : joao and u prefer to keep your love life private, secret even, but the the flirty looks and knowing smirks from across the room are becoming unbearable.

cw : smut obv, lil bit of alejandro x reader, sneaky joao and reader, unprotected sex (wrap it b4 u tap it ppl), make outs, cursing, me not bothering to accent his name lol sorry

---

you were starting to regret going out to dinner with your friend alejandro and his teammates.

the only reason why being that one of his teammates had become more.

hooking up with joao felix on the down low has been fun, you won't lie. and while you enjoy sneaky quickies and flirty messages, there were times where you wish you could just tear off his clothes and fuck that smug smile right off his face.

you were currently sitting in a restaurant, a private room and table was booked for alejandro, his barcelona teammates, and their plus ones. you and alejandro had become inseparable ever since you met in spain a few years ago, and you had grown increasingly close to his teammates.

very close to a certain mr felix.

the first time you met joao, it wasn't anything magical, you just thought he was fit. alejandro had introduced you to him when he came on loan to barca recently, and you just couldn't get him out of your head.

it seems that the feelings were mutual, as that very same night he followed you on instagram. you, of course, played it cool and took your time following him back (you waited like 10 seconds).

from there, you two messaged often, especially after the team would hang out.

joaofelix79 : u got home safe?

ynsusername : ofc i did

ynsusername : alejandro wouldn't let anything happen to me

joaofelix79 : that's good.

you two started messaging more, sometimes even calling each other late in the night. you couldn't explain why, maybe he was just fun to talk to.

you would complain to him about work, and he would complain about a mistake he made in training.

eventually, you two started hanging out alone.

not anything crazy, of course.

joaofelix79 : hey

joaofelix79 : js noticed im about to drive by ur place

joaofelix79 : wanna get some ice cream? my treat

how could you refuse that?

it wasn't all that shocking to you when a surprise ice cream date turned out into a steamy make out session on a bench in a park in the middle of the night.

"we should stop, someone might see us.." you murmured against the portuguese boy's lips, you yourself making no effort to.

"ok, if that's what you want." he pulled away from you, his fluffy hair disheveled thanks to you.

"5 more minutes" you placed your lips on his again, feeling him smile against them.

from there, weekly hangouts became almost nightly. he would pick you up in his car, and you would drive anywhere. you just needed an excuse to make out. you even put your number in his phone.

eventually, joao grew tired of the make outs that led to nothing, and you did too.

12:03 am - joao : wyd

12:03 am - you : was ab to put some instant noodles in the microwave lol

12:04 am - joao : dont bother

12:04 am - joao : come eat at my place

12:05 am - joao : i ordered uber eats

of course, you went, and you two ate the chinese takeout he bought. you two sat and laughed together at his attempt at using chopsticks.

and then you found yourself perched on his kitchen counter, him in between your legs while he rammed into you mercilessly. you left red marks across his back and biceps.

"my god, you feel amazing, querida." joao's words were muffled as his head was nuzzled into your neck, his lips caressing your hot skin with every word he spoke.

"i'm so fucking close, joao.." you whined and whispered curses while your hands found themselves travelling from his arms to his hair, tugging on the soft brown locks.

"let go, y/n, i'm close too!" he removed his flushed face from your neck and connected your lips together again, breathing heavily into your mouth.

you came undone with a sharp whine, arching into him. his thrusts became sloppy as he let out a long groan against your lips, releasing into the condom.

that was the first time you two had fucked, and it definitely would not be the last.

his house was usually where you two would hook up because it was so big, and you didn't have to worry about anything when you were there.

you two fucked anywhere - on the bed, in the shower, on the couch, even in the laundry room.

you found that it didn't really matter where you were. if either of you were craving the other, it happened right then and there. it was fun. it kept you on your toes, kept things fresh and fun.

but it became a curse when you two were at a team dinner.

---

"si, i told him he could go fuck off if that was what he wanted. that guy needs to learn some manners, for fucks sake!"

the table erupted in laughs as pedro went on about some story that you weren't really paying attention to to be honest. you were sat right beside your good friend, alejandro, who was very intrigued in pedro's story and hadn't spoken to you more than twice this evening.

across from you was joao. he was wearing a black dress shirt that hugged his biceps perfectly along with black dress pants. of course, to make your life more difficult, the top two shirt buttons weren't done up.

one more open button and everyone would've seen the hickey you gave him the other-

"isn't that right, y/n?"

alejandro was speaking to you, and you were too busy staring at joao's biceps to hear him.

"hmm? sorry?"

"i said, it was you who i walked in on dancing silently in the darkness darkness of your room, right?" alejandro smirked at the sight of your cheeks going red, this memory being nothing short of embarrassing to you.

"yup, that- uh- that was me..!" you looked down in humiliation as the table giggled at alejandro's unexpected story about you. he loved embarrassing you, it was his thing. he found it fun because he thought of you like a little sister.

you looked up to see joao, laughing along with everyone else at the table, finding amusement in your misery. you shot him a playful glare.

"i'm only teasing, mi corazón." alejandro chuckled before ruffling your hair. "ale!" you whined, fixing your hair. his friends teased you. they all thought of you as their little sister, especially you being one of the younger ones.

the men continued on with their conversations as you continued looking at joao from your end of the table, only this time, he was looking at you too.

he was taking a slow sip of his water, eyeing you down.

joao wasn't the only one dressed all sexy tonight. you wore a short black satin strapless dress that hugged your figure perfectly. you thought of joao when you picked it out, you thought of him while putting it on, and you thought of him taking it off.

it seems that joao had the same thought. the way he looked at you from under his lashes gave you the impression that your outfit choice was a smart one.

you sent him a quick wink.

he smirked and dropped his eyes to your cleavage, widening them.

you rolled yours before continuing to eat your steak.

---

you couldn't take it anymore.

something the way he laughed with everyone at the table, his hair flowing when he turned his head. he had on a gold rolex and a gold chain, both glistening under the lighting over the table.

it was the way he carried himself with such confidence. he knew he was hot, and he knew you knew it too. that confidence definitely carried over into bed.

finally, you got up from the table, excusing yourself to "make a call".

shooting joao a quick look, he took the hint. his eyes followed you, watching you exit the restaurant and head towards the parking lot. after an agonizing 30 seconds or so, joao told everyone he forgot something in his car, and made a beeline to where he saw you last.

he saw you standing outside his car, waiting for him. he made his way towards you.

"so, who did you have to call?" he teased, his eyes waiting for your reaction. you scoffed and rolled your eyes, "very funny.".

you wrapped your arms around his neck, bringing him closer to you as you leaned against his car. he smiled down at you before looking over your figure.

"nice dress.."

"just take it off."

---

you two had squeezed into the back of his car, leaving nothing but surrounding street lights as your light source. you straddled his waist, rocking your hips while you smashed your lips against his. you two were breathing heavily, occasionally breaking the kiss to huff and puff before going back at it again.

joao's arms were wrapped tightly around your waist, his right hand occasionally sliding down to cup and smack your ass. his actions made you yelp into the kiss. your arms were everywhere. cupping his face, on his shoulders, in his hair, on his chest, on his abs.

it was like you two hadn't seen each other in years. like you were drowning and the only way to breathe was.. this.

your smooth rocking of the hips created a hard bulge in joao's pants which felt great on your throbbing clit. he groaned into the kiss, breaking it for you to breathe and to leave kisses down your neck.

"so, fucking, horny" he broke each word with a kiss. you moaned above him. "you can't even last one dinner party without my hands all over you?" you wanted him to shut up, so you grabbed his face in your hand and smashed your lips against his.

you started unbuttoning his shirt, but your hands were too shaky to do it quickly. "take this off, god damnit!" you groaned as he laughed and began unbuttoning it himself. you hiked your dress up and helped him with the last few buttons.

you moved his shirt partially off him, leaving it on his arms since you couldn't be bothered. you leaned down to kiss his chest while looking up at him. he was smiling down at you, hands rested behind his head.

he brought you back up to pull the top of your dress down just enough so that your tits would pop out. when they did, he licked his lips. now it was his turn to lean down and suck on them, making you tilt your head back and pant.

"joao, we dont have time for this-"

"shhh, patience princesa. don't worry." he went back to sucking.

"they're going to realize we're gone- joao!"

he couldn't bring himself to leave your tits alone, but when he did, you quickly reached down and undid his belt , not even bothering to pull it off.

"estás mesmo excitado, não é?" (you're really excited, aren't you?)

you nodded and bit your lip.

he unzipped his pants and pulled his hard cock out of his boxers. you raised yourself up on your knees and hovered over his dick. he held it up with one hand, the other resting on your hip.

"are you ready for me?" he teased.

"enough questions." you cut his teasing short as you took his cock in your hands yourself and sunk down on him.

joao hissed at the unexpected pleasure. he looked up at you, gasping for air above him before tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

"move for me, bebé."

you did as you were told, lifting your hips up until just the tip of him was left in you, before sinking back down on him, agonizingly slow.

he shuddered at the feeling.

you picked up the pace, causing the car to rock. your tits bounced in his face, causing him to twitch inside you.

"fuck, y/n, you're amazing-" you laugh breathlessly above him, your hands resting on his shoulders for stability while his gripped your hips tightly.

after some time, your thighs were burning, and you were getting tired. joao picked this up, taking control. his grip on your hips was put to some use as he moved your hips up and down for you. he lifted and dropped you so easily and made you move so much faster. you felt the air leave your lungs and arched your back to stick your tits in his face.

he grinned as he thrusted his hips up, meeting you in the middle. he tilted your body back, and started to hit the spot inside you that made you see white.

your pants and gasps turned into moans and whines as you felt the bundle of heat in your core.

"joao, i'm close" you warned, your nails digging into his shoudlers.

"i'm right there with you, baby, oh," he groaned and grunted as he watched him drill into you faster and faster. "meu deus, foda-se!" (my god, fuck!) he hissed with gritted teeth as he felt you clench around him.

his pace was too much for you to hold back. you let go with a gasp and moan, your hand slamming and sliding down the steamy car window, leaving a print.

joao was, indeed, right there with you. he pulled your body off of him and set you down on his thighs hastily before stroking his red, throbbing cock, cumming all over your stomach with a string of grunts and pants.

you both sat there in the hot and dark car in disbelief, covered in sweat and panting, after having the most mind blowing sex you've ever had. you leaned your forehead against his and smiled. he chuckled before teasing you once more.

"let's go. we don't want to miss dessert, do we?"

[mblue-art]

Sorry for that question but I really curious!

What made you fell in love with Cross and Lust?

Tell us more!!

😳😳😳 hhuh what rreally,, , ,,, 😳 u wanna hear me yap abt my sillies, my beloveds,,, (i appreciate the enthusiasm tho omg 🥺🫶🫶🫶)

i want to have the yuris with lust and the yaois with cross I I MEAN HWHWAT 🧍‍♂️

UM.

haha anyWAY,, (oh gog this ended up long)

🍫—

cross checks so many boxes for me it makes me go insane. too good to be true. versatile(??)— like it's somehow way too easy to put him in Situations. (he's bf and husbone material??? just -20hp me now; that already kills me) he's. hh. gawddamn there's reasons why he won a utmv sans sexyman poll.

he's like a crush that you can't get out of your head no matter what you do, i'm so freaking down bad for him it's not even funny anymore. ever since simping for cross i have not been the same since. the man has changed me. the attraction/simp feelings hit me like a bat out of nowhere and i don't understand why it's so intense— i. hh.

,,i like when ppl make him dorky. stupidly silly (absolutely love shitpost shenanigans and would absolutely LOVE to get into silly shenanigans with him and with/without his bestie epic). fun to be around when he's deemed you as a good friend. stars, he'd give good hugs. strong, solid, and warm, the kind of hugs u don't wanna pull away from so soon. a little endearingly cringe. fanon simp cross is adorable and fun to mess around with. tsundere cross is adorable and fun to mess with. cute anxious guy under all that intimidating aloofness. when i say his smile is an absolute treasure, i mean that. his blush making him look like a grape or a glowing bulb is adorable and makes me wanna tease him more. anime protag/character vibes so strong i wanna have a cute bl/shoujo manga romance with him type shit yk.

then there's times when he's The Hot Dude and i think it's illegal if he's all confident and smug and dom actually (/hj) cause that makes me wanna fucking fite him HELLO? SIR? ILLEGAL????? (<- the fight or flight response of a tsundere towards a milder tsundere LOL).

-hp every single time. mf gets successful d20 rolls w/ rizz on me and i get a critical hit every time. it's a 50/50 either i fluster to death and become weak or i wanna fite his dumbass

i'll. i can fight him. i'll lose but i can fight him for sure. (why is he so cool⁉️‼️💢💢💢RRRRRRR)

he makes me feel things. lots of things. (mostly fluster but when i'm feelin sooper soff i jst wanna shower his skull in keeses. ima kissy lil guy)

tired cross makes me just wanna take care of him. want him to come home to me without any worry because he thinks i'm his safe space.

when he's being stubborn i want to tell him to chill out for a little while, take a break and watch some funny stuff while drinking choccy milk or eating his fav foods and be cozy. bapping him if he's gonna try to get out of this too soon. he's gonna get the free time he deserves n relax n get cuddles n kithes.

the way he can gently hold my hand and look at me with a sincere look in his eyelights and say something genuinely affectionate feels like cupid shooting an arrow through my soul, but also feels like a balm. (a promise of loyalty and faithfulness.) (a kiss on the forehead? a cherry on top.)

well now i can't be mean to him with all the nice he's saying and doing. i just want nice things for him o(-< (even if he's a bastard sometimes lol<3 all circles back to the silly) (silly is always important)

💜—

i love lust. so so so much. the fanon interpretation of him, anyway.

(don't get me wrong, i absolutely adore the feminine slay content of lust; but am i wrong for yearning for more masc lust content?)

i like my lust sans respectful, goofy, sans-like, an absolute sweetheart, and a caring, wonderful life partner. under the flirty personality and charm(ing looks), is a sans behavior that made me fall deeper. (he makes me feel very gender too) (ohmygofd yeah no he actually makes me think of gender sometimes rauauagrrgh<3/pos). i don't have to worry about showing my cring, weird side to him, because he's also a gremlin,, o(-< he doesn't have to present himself all nice and pretty all the time (although he's always pretty in my eyes). he can be comfortably himself; with me 🥺

i want to be his safe space.

i want to see him heal and be happy and be happy with me and give him all the love i can give and care for him and make him soso happy i just want him to feel SO sosososo loved, he deserves so much more

he's the only one who's able to get a certain reaction out of me; to pull flowers out of my heart. to pull out words of love and devotion and appreciation, heart bursting with affection only for him.

for him, i would try. i would live for him. i wish someone like him (the him i've created from interpretations and headcanons) was real irl.

i want to not care i don't care if he's a gorgeous well-known person that people fawn over, or if he's a campus crush, etc.,

i want him to think i'm worthy enough to keep in his life. for him to know how special he is to me, for him to know how much i want him in my life as much as i want him to keep me in his.

my immediate reaction when i think of him is: 😊💕💜💜💜eeeee kicks and giggles and flaps hands teehee

i love him so much i get a heart-on for him (/silly but it is true sometimes; love him so much it aches (in a good way))

[infiniteorangethethird]

I've been wanting to put my thoughts abt my experiences as a loveless aroapl into words for a while now, and finally I got the chance to sit down and actually write out all my ideas. Obligatory I don't speak for the entire community and these are just my personal experiences; long post ahead.

First of all, there could be many different meanings to the label loveless, depending on who is the one using it. To me, loveless means that I literally do not experience love, that I do not experience the emotions other people seem to define as love. I do experience strong emotions (though some loveless ppl might not, which is also completely valid), but I identify none of them as love.

The reason I've decided to use the loveless label for myself is because after watching people around me for a long while, I've come to the conclusion that I just simply don't feel the same way about other ppl as they do. I hear my friends talk about how much they missed me after we don't see each other for a while, about how much they wish we had more free time so that we could meet more frequently. I see my long-distance friends with whom we only get to see each other once a year desperately trying to find a time we are all free so that we could meet. I get invited to outings with friends before we even have a plan of what we want to do bc to them, the fact that we're spending time together is more important than what we're actually doing.

Thing is, I do enjoy spending time with people. There are a lot of things, activities, that are more fun (or just straight up made possible) if done with others instead of alone. I also enjoy the safety having a network of people around you can give. But at the same time, I've never really felt any pull towards specific people. I enjoy spending time with people in general, but my interest is a lot more directed at the activities we do together and the general concept of not doing it alone instead of the people involved. At the end of the day I don't care much about who those people are, so long as they are decent and aren't actively ruining the experience.

That isn't to say I'm an asshole to them, though. I know very well that friendships (and relationships in general) require a certain level of care in both directions, usually involving spending time together, and just generally being there for the other. I do want my friends to be happy, I do want to make them happy, but it's not really out of an emotional desire to make them specifically happy, rather a more general inner drive to be good to people. I will put in the effort to socialize, to spend time with people, to listen to them and be there for them emotionally bc I know that's what it takes to maintain a relationship, but it's always going to be somewhat impersonal and more I do out of duty than out of an emotional drive to get closer to them.

And yet, the fact that the general population does seem to have this emotional drive while I never felt anything like it made me feel for the longest time that there was something wrong with me. That not feeling the correct way about my friends is making me somehow evil for tricking them into thinking I was actually their friend, and not some kind of monster who was just using their kindness against them - and it's hard not to feel that way. We live in a society that assumes and constantly reinforces the idea that not only is love the purest emotion, but also the only thing a relationship can be based on. Any relationship that doesn't have love at its core is worthless or meaningless, and if you deliberately enter a relationship as a loveless person you are a bad person and the relationship is inherently toxic. It doesn't matter what you actually do, or what feelings might motivate it - if it's not out of love, it's bad.

In this framework, being loveless means no matter how hard you try, you will just never be enough. It isn't enough to be kind or generous or caring, you MUST love the other, and if they find out you don't, there's a really good chance they will take it as a personal attack and break contact with you, even if before they called you their best friend.

It was this pressure that made me pick up the loveless label. For too long have I felt like I wasn't doing enough, like I was missing something, like I wasn't trying hard enough to feel love. I kept beating myself up over not feeling the correct emotions, but unsurprisingly, this did not make me more capable of love. It just made me hate myself for the way I existed. But the moment I accepted myself as loveless? All of that pressure was gone. I learnt that emotions don't inherently make an action morally better or worse, and that at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what you feel so long as you do the right thing. People don't actually see your emotions, only your actions.

Of course, I still struggle with making and keeping friends. Turns out it is rather difficult to maintain a relationship when you don't have an innate drive towards people; then put on that extra layer of autism and low empathy and you got a recipe for disaster. Still, that doesn't mean I don't try, because I do want to be around people, and I do want those people to be happy to be around me, even if it means I have to put in the extra effort to connect with them that to most ppl comes naturally.

I know this turned out to be pretty long but I wanted to elaborate on these thoughts to give them justice as best as I could. Loveless is still a label most people either don't know or are very confused about, and I just hope I could shed some light on the experience for those who are still unfamiliar with it.

I'm open to answering (good faith) questions, but please remember that I am still just one guy and can't speak on behalf of the whole community.

(Other loveless ppl, feel free to add on your own experiences as well, I'd love to hear about them!)

[sun-stricken]

Headcannoms about friendship between Bickslow and Gray? I like to think after the fighting festival he really tries to make it up to Gray.

Gray: ‘we’re chill. It’s fine.’

Bickslow: ‘my babies will now perform a dance of apology’

Also a scenario I’d like to share!

Lucy: hey, Gray I picked up your mail. Why do you have a letter from a modelling agency?

Gray: oh that. I don’t know they just keep sending me them even though I’ve told them no.

Lucy: you’ve turned them down repeatedly?! *while crying inside*

Gray: yeah? It’s weird ‘cause I didn’t even apply.

Lucy: Lucy kick!

i for some reason hadn’t considered the idea of them having a close friendship, but i am now so here! a gift !

i had so much fun with this

* my personal hc is that Bickslows dolls feel a lot of what he himself feels, and also theyre kinda like birds

* so they too try to make it up to Gray, they bring him little things they find, such as shiny rocks, pins, and other tiny objects they find

* Bickslow just nods in approval from the sidelines when they bring them to Gray

* They were both fairly awkward with each other post festival but after Bickslow gave Gray an honest apology they began to turn over a new leaf

* people find the friendship strange tbh, Gray is known as this vaguely calm and like, super normal guy, and Bickslow is just— not

* theyre surprisingly comfortable with each other

* they dont hang out a lot outside the guild, but thats not to say they dont ever,

* While they dont work the best together and it took a while be able to fight along side on another,

* If the Thunder Legion and Team Natsu have to pair up usually they do bc they’re comfortable with each other and trust can go a long way

* theyre both texting fiends, like its a problem how much they message their friends, so when they found out the other was the same oh my god was it a train wreck

* their conversations can go for hours and if you read through them youd probably have an aneurysm because the topics make no sense and Bix doesn’t even try to spell correctly

* They have gotten close and friendly but that doesnt mean theu ever know what to expect from the other, their opinions and thoughts are so different from each other, if rhey ever have the same idea its like all the stars and planet’s have aligned and world is about to end

* Bickslows hair is naturally black and Gray helped him dye it once and they deadass looked they walk out the smurf set for weeks, Bix’s bathroom looked like they murdered a hundred of them

* Gray has an affinity for collecting hand weapons (swords, spears, bows, etc) while Bickslow likes taking apart and building old bombs (actual explosive grenades, land mines, smoke/flash grenades)

* they bonded over it and talked about it in public and terrified about 20 people rhat were in earshot

* theyre both a big hit with kids

* Bickslow gets added to the long list of people who barge into Gray house unannounced

* a lot of the time they will talk (coughcomplaincough) about two different things in the same convo

* Bickslow: the cops were at my door again last night because of the inactive grenade i threw in the fountain, woke me up and everything

* Gray: ugh, i hate that, Natsu blew up a building again and Erza yelled at the both of us

* Bickslow: thats so rude, do you think i should make another one and send it to them?

* Gray: totally, she knew it wasnt me but i still got scolded

so happy ppl have realized how pretty Gray is, now we’re gonna talk abt it bc im an overachiever

* Hes been scouted by plenty of different modeling agencies over the years, which really boosted his ego but very quickly became annoying as hell bc he never even applied

* He gets a couple a month, and he accepted once just to get them off his back and found it really embarrassing bc he was everywhere

* his friends in and outside the guild bought the magazines he was featured in and teased him mercilessly and he never stepped foot in another agency ever again

* Hes really photogenic but hates gets his photo taken, most of the pictures hes in ‘willingly’ hes glaring at the camera

* he now just blocks the numbers they call him on and throws out the letter they send him, if they stop him on the street he will walk away before the conversation even starts

* when Lucy found out something inside her died a little

* she pestered him about it and said she’ll go with him! he wont even have to take the money for it! she’ll take it! 😁

* she gets shot down every time but that doesnt mean she quit trying

[golbrocklovely]

sometimes i have to sit back and wonder... what are we doing here, as a fandom? like is all of this really worth it?

the absolute vitriol i've seen thrown around for snc since they started dating k and m is incredibly depressing. especially towards colby. it is DISGUSTING what some of yall (hi twitter ppl that stalk my account 👋) say about him and about m. and same thing goes for sam and k.

you claim up and down "oh i have a right to say what i want, it's just an opinion." no, you actually don't have a right to say whatever you want, and especially without ppl calling you out. but then you have the fucking nerve to ask why snc don't talk to us, why they don't post as often, why they aren't around as much as they once were. idk, maybe it's bc you guys are appalling pieces of shit that say the most idiotic and degrading things and then somehow expect those same ppl you make fun of day in and day out to want to talk to you.

i don't really understand your thought process and i pray i never do. bc if i'm that down bad, i would be the most miserable person on the planet, just like you are.

bc i'm telling you right fucking now, there is not a SINGLE thing snc or those girls have done to warrant this behavior. none of what yall are doing is right or justified. you are deplorable, inexcusable cunts who should have been called out well before now. the nicest thing i can do for you is block you, instead of making a long list of every terrible, miserable, shitty person in this fandom and calling each of you out personally.

let me tell you one thing: there are a lot worst things in life than being a girl with fake tits, lip filler, and an onlyfans account. there's a lot worst things in life than a guy that broke up with his long time gf. there is a lot worst things in life than being someone who has consensual sex with willing partners multiple times in his life. and there is a lot worst things than being kinda childish, into spongebob, and having quasi-clout chasing friends.

and i genuinely have to ask - even tho i know i won't get an answer and i know whatever answers i do get aren't reasonable enough - what about seeing snc happy makes you angry? what about seeing them in relationships makes you think "i need to complain about that" or "i don't like that"? why does seeing snc happy upset you? what does that say about you? bc you claim you love them and want what's best... but clearly you don't. bc why isn't happiness the best for them? why do you think you know better?

seriously. consider taking a second to step back and think "why does seeing snc happy make me upset?" how deeply insecure do you have to be to truly feel that? it's sad, really. bc this should be a fun time in this fandom. but i have never felt more embarrassed to be a part of it than i do right now.

some of you are full grown adults too! well beyond the years of "i just didn't know any better". what a sad, little life you must have lived all this time to think that this type of behavior is valid and acceptable. it's a shame.

[silverskye13]

just binged all of redstone and skulk in one go. HOLY SHIT!!! i left some comments on ao3 but that wasn't enough. i needed to come to your tumblr too bc this fic has Changed Me A Little. it makes sense- i've been subscribed to you on ao3 for a while (remember hound's tooth? i think that was when i started following your writing. and monsters splitting hairs, although i'm not quite caught up on that one), and that was for a good reason- but tanguish and helsknight are something else! part of why i like fanfiction is because i get to see more of characters i already like- it takes a special fic to get me so invested in characters i've basically just met! and you do it so well! like. the subtle character things! the way i can pick out the hermits' (and martyn's, but i'm calling him a hermit for the sake of convenience) traits in the helsmits, but warped and twisted around like a funhouse mirror? fantastic. i love it. im eating that shit up. the ilttle differences and similarities between tango and tanguish, helsknight and wels (bc he isn't acting very knightly right now), impulse and the demon- it's so cool to see! i also saw the other ask you got where you talked about your process, and how you give your characters a list of traits as a guide to writing them- i'm definitely going to have to borrow that trick. it works! so well! it shows in your writing in the consistency of how the characters behave!

some other thoughts i had while reading:

helsknight being religious probably has a lot more to do with him being a knight than wels being a lutheran irl (which is where his name comes from and i find that hilarious), but still. if it's unintentional it's hilarious and if it's on purpose then it's a fun easter egg!

i relate to and understand tanguish, because i too would want to befriend helsknight, and also because if a bunch of big scary people basically adopted me and tried to teach me how to use a knife i would be so pathetic about it.

i relate to and understand helsknight and tango, because tanguish is the weirdest little cat ever and i too am captivated by his pathetic little freak charms, and i want to be his friend.

i neither relate to nor understand wels, because 1) if i saw my friend's presumably-evil counterpart skulking around the shopping district i would likely call them first (just seems like the polite thing to do, and also bc if helsknight showed up and the ppl who found him didn't call wels about it i feel like he'd probably be more than a little pissed), and 2) look at tanguish. he's just a little guy. he's a little guy and it's his birthday. how could you be mean to him.

tl;dr: redstone and skulk has compelled me to the point that leaving comments on ao3 wasn't enough, i needed to ramble straight into your inbox because it's just so good.

Oh my gosh! Firstly: thank you for all the kind words! I'm glad you're liking my writing so far, and thank you both for the comments and the scurry into the inbox. I love hearing people's thoughts, even if I don't have the spoons to respond to everyone all the time :'D

For your bullet points:

-- I didn't know Wels was Lutheran! I knew he was ex-military, and at least in my family's trends, military and religiosity go hand in hand, so it makes sense. But still! Learning new fun facts! I know nothing about the Lutheran Church [I was raised Baptist.] Probably gonna do some reading later.

-- I feel like Tanguish is going through that phase of "all the biker/military uncles have decided I'm one of them for some reason" and as someone who has gone through that before, for the same baffling non-reasons [used power tools in their presence once, a la Tanguish barely participating in a fight once] I sympathize. Very interesting somewhat scary people. Why did you invite me to sit at your table. Why do you keep slipping me tequila and buying me knives like I'm in on the joke.

-- Tanguish is such a specimen we all just want to look at him under a microscope. He is so scared yet so brave. He thinks knives are scary but he leaps off buildings. He's scared of getting hurt and seeing blood but he has no regard for his personal safety. How do you fit so many oxymorons in such a tiny body---

-- Wels please, he's a little guy and it's his birthday! Stop bullying him!!

Addendum: I agree Jackrabbit is very Tanguish coded. It is now on the playlist.

Want to live like an animal?

By the skin of your teeth?

Put your good face on, you're foolin' no one

You're a jackrabbit underneath

One step forward, step right back

Run for the hills, honey, run for the hills, honey

Run for the hills, don't look back

[lakesbian]

ok listen. this is crucial. this is what ward aisha is to me in my mind palace.

aisha for the largest part of worm is Thirteen. alec is 15. they're both incredibly dysfunctional traumatized kids who like each other a whole lot living thru some crazy shit. and the one time aisha really has fun is when she gets to play at being on top of the world with alec, living out the rich-with-no-dumb-adults-but-brian-telling-us-what-to-do teenage dream w her best friend. she's Thirteen. her sole vision for the future is that the undersiders will keep winning and she and her Cool Hot Funny Best Friend Who Is The Only Person Who's Ever Gotten Her are going to be cool and tough and richer than god and paint each others nails in their cool shared supervillain base while the world fears, but more importantly, knows the names of Imp and Regent. her big brother has had unimaginably awful things happen to him and she can't fix it even an ounce, she's fucked up and has spent her life feeling invisible and she knows it, her best friend is fucked up too and she knows it, but she still gets to have this: the success as a villain, her legacy, the legacy as someone memorable with her best friend and her team that's so nearly within her grasp. despite it all, she's just a kid, and when she's texting alec a news article about herself or idly dreaming about installing a pool in her base, she barely even remembers the blood it's taken to get there. for a moment of her life she thinks this will never end and she'll finally get to be Seen, seen by her best friend, seen for everything great they're going to do together.

and then--she's 13--she watches her best friend kill himself in front of her, for her, and she's never going to get to tell him another secret, or make another dick joke with him, or be imp and regent on top of the world together. and her brother is even more unreachable than ever and one of the people she respects most in the whole world is gone and she's alone again, unseen, dealing w/ all this blood and no more prize at the end of the rope.

when we see her at the end of worm, she's fixated on the idea of establishing a Cool Villainous Legacy as the Badass Supervillain Imp, impressive enough to become what she and regent could've been together, but, like.

all she's actually doing is taking care of a bunch of traumatized children and going around stopping people from being terrible to each other. she wishes she were a villain. she's a charmingly edgy vigilante at worst. she spends 30 minutes straight making fish puns, stopping said traumatized children from getting into trouble, and preventing a dude from torturing ppl and hoarding resources. and then she pats herself on the back for another Successfully Villainous Act. and also while she's doing all this she's intentionally memorializing and safekeeping the legacies of taylor & alec (not brian because wildbow is a clown idiot buffon fuck but in my mind palace she's doing it for brian as well). all ppl she loved and lost, and she's desperately trying to prevent them from fading into the same obscurity as her.

so like. To Me. To Me. the reason she's still talking to herself about building her own legacy, about her own legacy being that as a Cool Villain--is because she's not ready to face that that dream from her childhood has long been dead in the water, that she's now a lonely person whose life is about tromping around in snow-proof cargo pants and making enough breakfast for all these fuckin' kids and yelling at people to be decent to each other. everyone who would've seen her has been left long behind in one tragedy or another, and on some level, she's not fully accepting that this is her life now: being the one who's left. the one whose legacy is just to carry the legacies of her friends who died too young around in her heart.

so To Me. ward aisha is abt like. i will have to rotate this in my mind further to determine more, this is the first draft of Thoughts, but to me ward aisha should 100% be about her coming to terms with the fact that she's grown up and having 2 memorialize the her that her 13yo self wanted to grow into as much as she has 2 memorialize her other lost loved ones. like scene queen kid aisha growing into an adult during a post-apocalypse where there are no longer hot topics to rob blind but she can still have silly fun hair dye for the her 7 years ago that really loved neon purple. not to fucking mention the thing where her brother comes back and they both have 2 reckon w how much she's grown and the fact that she was aspiring to be like a mini-him but if he was genuinely in touch with the emotions of the kids he's taking care of.

like what if you were an older brother and you died and then you came back and your immature little sister was almost as old as you now and bigger and taller and good at taking care of people Emotionally in the way that you never could 4 her. what then. wouldn't that be fucked up or what. aisha and brian my best friend aisha and brian

[kirby-the-gorb]

reply roundup!

had to put these on hold for a while for personal reasons </3 they're likely to still be infrequent, but in honor of kirb2k!

(my notes would only load back to mid september so I missed a couple weeks sorry :c but be warned that this is a long one! it's 3 entire months' worth!)

also, reminder that kirb2k ends tomorrow!!! preorders, commissions, and auctions will all close at noon pst on sunday december 17th! everything is linked in the pinned post or filed under the tag kirb2k!

first is one more birthday kirb from my friend @sleepy-sheep-wizard:

Realized halfway thru that I don’t know what Kirby looks like off the top of my head, so I got funky with it. Happy birthday, thank you for being a good friend

thank you again friend <3 getting funky with it is truly in the spirit of just drawing a little guy for fun, I love his little hat in particular.

on [mirror] @shapeshifterwithafez said: uuuh is Scherben bringen Glück/ Shards bring luck a universal saying? sounfs clinky as a direct translation. anyways in germany we say that shards of stuff you broke brings luck so I hope the luck finds you or smth sorry for rambling ^^

I'd never heard this saying before, but I think it's very sweet! thank you for sharing it with me :)

on [pipefight] @hauntedppgpaints said: goalies with a skate blade and their stick in hand

big hockey vibes for real yeah lol

on [pink] @gaydiation-poisoning said: ...I wanna eat that pink

honestly same, it's sooo pleasing

on [rain] @hive-heart said: Everything alright, daily kirby guy?

not really but sitting by the window in the rain is a good thing lol thanks for asking <3

(also the person who tagged that same post myhouse.wad made me laugh)

on [photo] @ceylonsilvergirl [added] a picture of their cat and said: get adored idiot!! see the hate in her eyes? I’ll make her love me yet!!

me @ my partner's cat

@violet-dragongirl said: oh! I have been meaning to ask! Have you played Kirby and The Forgotten Lands? I assume you did but just wanted to say that I did about a week ago and I loved it and thought of your art! ^.^ And if you haven't, yes, Carby is super adorable and amazing :3

I have! I got it very shortly after it came out, I had a really good time with it. I've been slowly replaying it recently with my partner, they were kind of fond of kirby just by proxy but since we started playing they adore bandee now and say he never gets enough screen time XD I'm glad you also had fun!

on [mice] @ceylonsilvergirl said: girls like swarms of things, right?

idk bro my wife wasn't so big on it when I got a gig housing 30 mice, but maybe she's weird. I liked them. (sadly one of the best paying jobs I've ever had up until the owner lost it and abandoned them with me, yes I still took care of them for the rest of their little lives) (and yes I also got my wife's okay before I took them on in the first place)

on [covid] @mordantivore said: reading posts from when the era of covid safety was declared anathema and ended is haunting. we were so desperate to find ppl willing to help us stay alive. there are fewer of us now bc “allies” are worthless & more of us have died

yeah. fuck. I'm lucky that the people in closest proximity to me are at least moderately careful, but me and my wife and partner are usually the only ones wearing masks anywhere we go except sometimes the employees and I know they don't always wear them when they're out without me.

on [swim] @northeasternwind said: Jdjdjfkg imagining Kirby being way more bouyant than your average human so them gotta exhale REAL HARD or attach nega-floaties (sinkies?) like weights to dive

lol yeah they probably gotta try So Hard to actually get under the water. (I think diving weights/ballast is a thing that humans use too? I've never gone diving, having my face underwater stresses me out -n- )

on [float] @nickiemoot said: he has to go now. his planet needs him. *slide whistle*

I can only hear this as that one similar part from one of the asdfmovies, it delights me

@vampiricarus said: if you see this just know i love your art so much

aww thank you! <3

anonymous said: just wanted to say I love Kirby and I love your art! I’m always excited to see it on my dash. thank you for bringing a little joy to my life :) I need it once in a while like I’m sure a lot of others do too! Keep up the good work :))

thank you! drawing a little guy brings me a little joy too, I'm glad it can do the same for others <3

on [drain] @ceylonsilvergirl said: I’m sorry you’re having a rough time. Existing is hard work sometimes. A lot of the time

fuck dude it sure is <3 especially when my body keeps trying to shut down lol

on [mud] @why-are-all-the-fun-urls-taken said: Hey man are u doing ok

I am not, thanks for asking <3

on [tummyache] @hobgirl said: :o kirby the gorb why would you do that!!!!! why!!!!!

I didn't want it to go to waste!!! everyone is dumb sometimes!!!

on [wizard] @eau-the-agony said: not enough appreciation in the wizarding world for garlic salt spell. its all kung pow penis tgis and ketamine ape that. not enough of the small joys which carry us through the horrors like a dinky garbage raft

you are so right. the small joys are the most powerful of all.

on [wizard] @beepbeepdespair said: somehow didnt know garlic salt was a thing until this moment. now i really want some. i think i just found a kg of it online for 12 quid??

I am so pleased that you now have the knowledge of Garlic Salt Spell, I hope you got to try it out for yourself :D

on [zelda] @chaos-squared said: Good job!! I’ve had it for longer yet still haven’t completed it ;w;

nothing wrong with that! I only finished it as quickly and thoroughly as I did because I was basically bedridden for all of october, as long as you enjoy the time you do spend with a game it doesn't really matter how much time you spend or how far you get.

on [brave] @gudetamalover said: me tomorrow afternoon when I get all four wisdom teeth out

I'd already had several other oral surgeries on account of Weird Teeth before I got my wisdom teeth out but it still knocked me on my ass for a couple days, I hope your recovery went as smooth as possible! (altho that was also like. 15 years ago. and general anesthesia has gotten a lot better since then.)

on [shiny] @angst-and-fajitas said: Like to slap his bald head reblog to slap his bald head

bald! bald! bald! bald!

on [powerwash] @chronicdilf said: decemberb 16 im goign to walk across the damn stage get my damn diploma folder im going to go home and POWERWASHER SIMULATOR JUST LIKE KIRBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah!!! you're gonna do it!!! you might be doing it right now even!!!

on [cooked] @hobgirl said: oh mood kirby..... struggling with the very last paper i need to write before i can graduate and its got me feeling this way fr

ough, I hope you made it through your paper! lots of people graduating tho that's so cool, congrats to both of you!

on [bears] @jupiterlandings said: I get so happy every time I see Cake and the name Cake being tagged :)

it's such a good name for a bear, I'm grateful you thought of it!! especially given the best I could do for the other one was "kirbear" lol

@violet-dragongirl said: omg seeing that Fav Grobs Post you recently put up makes me so happy! over a thousand (and then some!) GORBS?! :D I'm not only impressed but so proud ya made it this far and I'm so glad you got possibly more to go of Kirby!! :D!! Really great job 🥰🥰

thank you! I'm gonna hit 2000 days of drawing kirby tomorrow, that's so wild!

on [popular] @timeturner-jay said: Op your Kirby art brings so much utter joy you have no idea <3

yay I'm glad <3 I love to draw a little guy, it's good I'm not the only one having fun lol

I got a lot of "good blaze op" on the [macarena], and you're all correct, thank you for recognizing my great decision making B) (I'd been meaning to add the music and blaze it from basically the moment I drew it, I've just been really sick so it took a while.)

(also even if I don't always gather them in the roundup there are names I recognize showing up repeatedly in the tags, some of whom have been here for years, and I'm always glad to see you're still around!)

[sideblogdotjpeg]

hello unfortunately i thought even more about sol + swag as an analogy for being asian and it is . making me unwell. i am putting it under the cut for the main reason that it is stupid beyond belief

OK. so. hear me out .

STUPID REASONS WHY SOL IS ASIAN:

(and hint: this is all me projecting 100%)

1) moist frog who immediately turns off when it gets too cold. SOUTHEASTASIAN BOY AS FUCK (to me). guy who thinks thirty degrees celsius is pleasant temperature. guy who thinks that anything below 25C is sweater weather. guy who is soo sweaty and moist all the time (the humidity) and that is not only a natural state, but a preferrable state. 20 degrees is too cold. anything below 0 is actually not functional.

anyway. sol bufo. keepin it warm and gross. if its too cold and dry he immediately hibernates. king

2) idk if anyone reading this has seen shaolin soccer. but sol bufo. could clump shaolin soccer. essentially what im saying is sol bufo is like a buff asian jock. which is kinda goofy and goodnatured and loud and also very obnoxious. i cannot articulate this very well. but. what can i say except a human version of sol bufo was delivered to me in a dream and it was every buff chinese classmate ive ever met.

3) (you will notice the reasons get progressively more stupid and more deeply specific)

sol bufo would love milo. omg. like. chocolate drink in a juice box container that is branded as a sports/energy drink and also green. also the guy on the front of the packet milo. sol bufo coded. tbh

anyway. milo isnt strictly southeast asian..? but. yes it is actually.

4) the whole monk class is extremely steeped in asian 'aesthetics' anyway. i mean. ki. so whatever i can claim this monk for me thats my right

NONSTUPID BUT STILL KIND OF SILLY REASONS:

and this is also me projecting 100%. obviously all delusion. so i guess see this as a for-fun reading of the sol/swag storyline through the lens of a very specific of asianness

okay so. swag right. his journey is about leaving his home where he was comfortable and safe but also very confined. mothership lures him to ezry w the promise of opportunity & seeing the world, making something of himself. he ends up being exploited for his body and skills. and he runs away, but his blood still oils up the mothership cogs.

so anyway. i think its pretty clear how that cld map onto like . an immigrant experience? leaving home because of the need to find urself, but simultaneously, the threat of exploitation at the hands of ppl who see you as a potential profit to be mined. this is the first part

the part that is more crazy to me is his experience in irondeep. like, when he left moonstone he left his entire community. now hes alone ... and he cant go back. (he is stranded physically, emotionally). and at this low point, of true and utter loneliness and purposelessness, comes along bronzebeard industries. they offer him a job - but more importantly, they offer him connections.

like. thinking about how were introduced to swag. its not at his job, its his downtime, its when hes hanging out with his coworkers, when hes surrounded by 'friends'. w people who think hes cool, and the people who think hes a "sucker".

idk! but i think this also relates rlly strongly to a common experience of being international? like. when you know you are permenantly lost from home. what you want more than anything is to feel the same community and sense of belonging you used to have. and it is very easy for that desire to ge manipulated. (like - im just gonna mention the one specific instance that ive seen. which is like. international students on college campuses getting targeted a lot by christian groups. because they know those people are lonely and want a feeling of shared tradition and practice. anyway. this is one specific example but also this is literally what happens to lyddie and sister rosaline :-| )

anyway so in summary: swags story of hope/idealism, exploitation, and loneliness leading him to be a very good pawn. i think that is something that could potentially be read as the experiences of ppl dislocated internationally from their home. and im saying its asian because I Want To.

... and sol! okay. i think very simply: sol is super white-washed. total banana. and thats part of his character. he is a moonstone bullywug who never knew his own home, and still, has never even seen moonstone with his own eyes. he does not know his own history. (and kinda tangent, the place where he spends the majority of his life is in launchpad, a sanitized corporate version of reality. and i mean, the whole 'boy wizard and frog pal' is very clearly alluding to harry potter. like. its white.) but ignoring that, the essence of his character is like. this is a guy who does not know where he came from

and currently? a large part of his arc is about trying to unravel his identity by figuring out where (who) he came from. swag daniels is his one link to a community hes just now found out he has. that is a part of why hes trying so hard to save swag. swag is his family - specifically the parts about family you cant choose. that is hard, complicated and how you understand where the parts of yourself track back to.

like. i think a lot about how the pivotal moments of connection between swag and sol are all about swag... showing sol what moonstone is like. in a dream, he lets sol experience what that place is like. that place is a muggy swamp. idk. swag is taking sol back home. that fucks me up a lot

... anyway digression aside. i think one of the most painful things gg on rn w sols arc rn is. how its looking right now. sol is going to lose swag. sol is going to have to come to terms w losing swag. sol for the first time, yearns to know who he is and who he came from. but by the time he went looking it was too late. his time is up. that moment of connection was brief and gone. there are so many questions about their history that sol will never know now

so obviously this kind of dips a bit into metaphor at the end. swag represents connection to cultural history and heritage and identity. and in that lens, it reads to ME as a story abt being asian and disconnected from ur roots. but anyway. even without that lens i think sols story is still v much abt cultural estrangement

(i also have a very loose and unformed thought: which is that sols journey from wanting to stand out/be special to wanting to find a place of belonging. is ALSO INCREDIBLY RESONANT to the experience of being whitewashed asian... ESPECIALLY for ppl who do come from asia. and how that also relates to the tragedy of wanting to understand ur roots when its already too late. but . i dont rlly know if that is a common experience so. itll be noodling in my head for now)

anyway. my essay. and yes this is all make believe in my head . TLDR: i think swags an immigrant sols a banana and i am fucking insane thanks everyone

also if u read this all and want to know what part of this long ramble actly answers the question of why i think theyre asian. well. you know what.

[eldritch-araneae]

So, it time to put my thought about Earthspark new episodes. I have a lot of insight on Bumblebee, and more thoughts regarding the story. I absolutely love this show, that's the single-handedly the best show I watched in years, no joke!

So yeah, spoilers for new episodes and it's a long post! Things I'm gonna talk about is the War, Agent Croft and Scholder, a bit of Mandroid, the Triplets and of course, Bumblebee <3

Grab your drink, sit comfy and welcome under the cut!~

The War

Episode 16 was good, showing that war is horrible and tragic and nothing good comes out of it, and Megatron putting his faith into Terrnans for them to not repeat the mistakes cybertronians did. So many lives lost, from all sides of conflict.

(Sidenote: and look like AllSpark was just sent home ( or possible destroyed) that why it was never mentioned. Bee seemed fine in the battle, only to be tackled by Skullcruncher. So I think Optimus just made up a story that Bee died to get him off radar. He's a spy after all~ Still, Bee dying and being revived by the AllSpark look like a fun AU, so feel free to play with it :D)

But also this episode gives a huge insight why Megatron's cause went wrong, and I believe this is huge! Megatron had good intentions, but I think the main reason why failed and why the war turned to be so devastating - he surrounded himself worth wrong people!

People like him!

You can see what type of person Shockwave is, the very same as Mandroid and Agent Croft. The rich people how will sacrifice everything and everyone (esp those they believe are beneath them) to get all the power they want.

So even if Megatron wanted to help his people, Shockwave and likes of him ( bc I'm sure his presence attracted more ppl like him into deception ranks) doomed this from the very start. You cannot help the sheep, if your organization is filled with wolfs.

Sure, 'cons call Megatron a traitor, but I believe he is not a traitor. Megatron was surrounded by traitors.

Which makes me wonder, why Megs kept ppl like Shockwave around?

Did Megatron had the same bigoted believes as Shockwave? Tho this one maybe seem unlikely in this continuity. Megatron would need a lot more convincing than just a human showing compassion to his people.

Or Megatron was really attached to him, bc he's a friend and he was in denial that his friend is the same type of person he tries to fight against? And this was okay as long as Shockwave used this language against Autobots only ( bc this Shockwave looks like based on Marvel one if I'm not wrong) so he let it slide?

Which brings a cool parallel with Robby in the next episode, where this kid is willing to cut his friend off for shitty behavior directed at his family.

"If that's how Stevie gonna behave? He doesn't get me as a friend. That's his loss."

Which we can officially proclaim that his human kid as more guts than Megatron hah.

(Sidenote: I do appreciate that Stevie seem to had a change of heart or least he understood the gravity of situation and changed the graffiti after the confrontation. All changes matter, even small ones, which does serve remind for all us in real life. Even if it feel like it doesn't work.)

Also yeah, love the fact writers showing all sides diverse. There are terrible people everywhere, and people how will happily harness this fear and hate. But also there are good people, and people willing to change for the greater good, and it worth fighting for.

(Sidenote: tbh this makes me excited, because it is close how I'm writing the conflict in Sparkpulse! I wanna know who am I sharing the brain cell with? :D)

Agent Croft

Wow, those first character bios we saw before the show release didn't lie how evil she is. She's a rich military person, so it checks out. And I wanna point out, that she doesn't give a fuck about life as a whole. Not about cybertronians, not about humans, not about nature or even her home planet. Again, perfectly check out.

Episode 15 demonstrates it loud and clear. There things.

They look like a blend of organic and energon. And they can infect organic being to turn them into eldritch abominations like this!

(Sidenote: this is right my alley! Again, which writer shares the braincell with me??? XD Can't help it, I drawn to body horror)

And it doesn't look it was just a "careless waste disposal". Croft testing her biowepon in wild and mark my words: that's what gonna happen in the season 1 finale! I think the entire town will get infected, yes humans too. And we saw that afflicted can be saved, but even one bear was a struggle. Now imagine the entire army of infected humans.

I'm excited for this, can't wait to see if this a case or not~

Agent Schloder

He's a such a goof, but learning he's a brother of Croft was a whiplash for sure ahaha. Such drastic difference omg.

Despite all this, he seem to be a decent person? He doesn't look like seeking power like Croft and he actually cares about protecting people? But he also deeply brainwashed, and Croft making sure he doesn't see her dirty work.

So he's heart seems like in the right place, but misdirected. So I wonder what will happen if he ever finds out what his sister is doing behind his back? Because it appears that even half of GHOST isn't aware what really going on, huh.

Sure, it will be hard to convince him that not all freeroaming cybs are dangerous ( this shit really got internalized into him, attacking Bee even tho the yellow bot saved his life), but he cares about humans. And I think a lot of humans will be in danger in the finalle bc of Croft actions I mentioned above.

So, something tells me what the shit will do down, GHOST will split up. Can't wait to see this true aha.

Mandroid

Or specifically the WHOLE IRONY of his situation. He tells Hashtag that she can't control him, but at the same time, Croft has full power over Mandroid. Also yeah, he's is techorganic, or something, called it even back then~

The Terran Triplets

I love how this batch of common theme: the struggle with belonging. Jawbreaker, Nightshade and Hashtag share the same struggle, but it manifested in different way and required a different solution.

Jawbreaker thinking he's broken, because no vehicle alt-mode appeals to him. He wants to take the perfect pick, but he doesn't know what if it. And Hasgtag already picked hers!

Elita reassuring him, and even says she struggled with this too. He will know when he'll see his alt-mode. It's something you should never force it. Very sweet! And also seem a foreshadowing, I will mention later.

Nightshade struggles to find ppl with same interests as them, then finding this connection with Tarantulas! I love how Tarantulas explains the alt-mode. It's not a something completes you. Alt-mode is something that expresses who you already are. An extension of yourself. Which again, I smell foreshadowing I'll tell you later.

I hope we'll see Tarantulas later, I like liked him, even tho he's not like his IDW counterpart. But I have say, it so relieving to see a spider character that isn't inherently evil. I just love spiders)

Also, I just love Nightshade is like a Terran version of Wheeljack but with a different flavor ahaha. They both should hang out too, see how many explosions will happen. And poor Tarantulas in the middle xD

Hashtag was terrified by the anti-transformer rhetoric she experienced in Philadeplia and then got furious after seeing Bumblebee weak and hurt, which Mandroid exploited. She needed her family like never before and only reaching out and comforting her saved her.

"Home isn't a place. It's the people who love you."

Love and care is the main focus of this show after all, which I absolutely love!

Also, they all can channel the power from Emberstone! And seems like it can be powered by emotions, like the green lantern ring! I'm excited to see more!

Bumblebee

Oh yeah, we finally got to the last and my favorite part! Let's unpack this boy even further, shall we?)

His view on Decepticons

I like how in first batch it looked like Bee is against every decepticon out there, but the second batch shows more depth to this.

Bumbleblee has close relationship with Breakdown, and he still cares about him even despite being of different sides and willing risk his cover, and even picking up the racing car alt-mode he doesn't seem like to much... just to save him.

And, despite Bee being aligned with 'bots is a sore spot for Breakdown (looks like it was a choice between Bee and Stunticons, and he choose the latter. Yet, Bee still cares about him), he still cared for Bee to sacrifice himself. Bee has a family to look after and I'm sure he understood this as well ( maybe even saw a parallel with Stunticons?)

(And sadly, we see Breakdown's arm in the last episodes tho I wonder if they in stasis bc of energon loss, but idk. It's better to assume death, and but surprised later, than the other way around. Good thing Bee didn't see him, but something tell me he will find out eventually.)

Bumblebee also willing to give second chances, especially if his family ask for this. I love how quickly his expression changes. It goes from this, listening to Nightshade explaining the situation, while still not trusting Tarantulas.

To this is in a second! He's smiling, looking at Tarantulas.

Bumblebee could argue them, saying that he's still a con and all the cons do is to deceive, but no. He accepts their words as the truth and looks relieved that Tarantulas changed for better! Which i think that what Bee wants. He doesn't want deceptions to die, he wants them to be better.

And his reaction to the dead Brawl. He doesn't look happy, or bragging about it and finding this funny. No, instead he's grieving and probably feels guilty because he had no idea happened to those who lose in the ring, and he won against Brawl earlier.

So, I think we can safely call back to ep7 and conclude that "cassette exploding in SW's chest" was just about the cassette unwinding and all this tape flying everywhere, and not cassette dying.

Plus we know that Bee was born before war now. So this could happen even back then.

His feelings about his alt-modes

Episdoes 11 and 12 showed really good insight into Bumblebee's complicated feeling about his alt-mode. So Nova Storm calling him having" a mid-life crisis alt-mode" wasn't just a random insult.

In ep11 kids fins out how Bee looked, and absolutely being slayed by his cuteness. And I agree, he's perfect here!

And Bee's reaction? You would think he might get defensive, bc this form isn't as cool as his current one? But no! Look at his face!

He looks neutral, but with hint of nostalgia? Like maybe he's holding back to not appear sad in front of kids ( bc we know, he's scared to show vulnerability to others) and when asked why did he switch, he simply answers his disguise was revealed and needed the new one.

Which makes sense, as we will see later how bad this can be, and he's a spy, but wonder there is more to it?

Because when Jawbreaker asks Bee how did he choose his alt-mode, Bee deflects, saying he doesn't understand how his answer will help Jawbreaker. Which to me it looks like Bumblebee doesn't want to talk about it.

And when Jawbreaker says that he wants to get this right first time without making a wrong choice like Bee did, Bumblebee gets angry! JB accidentally hit the very sore spot for Bee!

And if you remember how both Elita-1 and Tarantulas talked about alt-modes? How you know when this right, and how it's a reflection of who you are, this creates a lot of possibilities. So far I think he picked the racing alt-mode only because he wanted to save Breakdown.

And he def loves his WV Beetle mode, and I wonder if this has a connection to Spike? We saw him in animated flashback, so I wonder if Spike is in the show and might show up later? Bee remember this mode fondly and get really upset when JB calls it "wrong choice" because of connection to Spike?

Or this can be a metaphor or simpler time Bee was having back then. Not dealing with terrible ppl among humans additionally to terrible ppl among cons?

I do hope Spike is out there. Maybe Spike thought that Bee was dead and they haven't see each other for 15 years? Imagine their reunion, and the fact Bee realized that Spike is older and maybe we will finally exploration of human mortality in canon! I though this can be the case in ep13 when Nightshade went to cemetery to meet their fav author, but nope.

Anyways, regardless what it is, I feel this is a big deal and we will see more of this! I hope he will change his alt-mode to something he likes!

His place in Malto family

We know how quickly Bee accepted Maltos as his family and in this batch I was so happy to see the other way, when Maltos caring about him! They love him, you have no idea how this relieving to me, after all those comics where Bee is consonantly alone!

Nightshade saying Bee is the best trainer they know and making their training device sounding like him.. even tho Bee is def mortified after breaking the thing that sounds like him, poor guy.

(Tho I wonder if this implies anything hmmm?)

Also Nightshade's "Woopsy-do~ It's malfunctioning!" just kills me xDD

And Dot, while scolding Bee for being reckless, she understands why Bee was doing this and is willing to help him. And Bee also realized he accidentally endangered his new family. Also Dot looks amazing in this outfit ahah.

And when Bumblebee doesn't come home everyone is upset, and Twitch is devastated bc her fears coming true. She doesn't want to lose anyone, even if it just means the person she cares about is alive, but can't return home anymore.

And they refuse to leave him in ep 18 even tho he's telling them to find Optimus and Megatron. I love this part of of the two-parter episode because Bee cannot fight anymore, but he puts his faith and trust into Terrans. He loves them, but he also knows what they are capable of and all this training weren't wasted.

This little touch, when Twitch hesitating to leave Bumblebee to help others with Hashtag. Her sister needs help, but her mentor is weak and wounded and it's hard to choose. Thankfully Bee's words were enough her to go to help her siblings. Still, her touch lingers as she leaves.

My heart of was absolutely melted! I'm so happy to see this, I hope Bee will get a big hug from all Maltobots!

I'm so glad Bee passed out because he was going to leave again! I guess he still think he puts Maltos in danger bc GHOST now know about him. Or maybe he even feel guilty he still got kinds into this mess, even tho he trust them to do the job?

At least kids just took him home omg. And it just so funny how they put Bee on Hashtag like this xDD

I can't wait to see the rest of the season 1 when they drop! This show is so, so good! There is probably more I could say, but I'm very tired, so that all for now. If you managed to get to this point, thank you for reading!

Have a nice time of the day and see you next time! <3