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attemptsonherlifepdf · 3 years

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bojack horseman and bo burnham: the art of acting like you’re acting and the comedy of misery

at the core of bojack horseman, raphael bob-waksberg’s 2014 comedy, is a story about the relationship between performance and depression. the protagonist of this renowned tragicomedy is best described as a sympathetic villain; he is shown to clearly be in the wrong across various events of the show, and is explicitly referred to as a bad person, but the audience is granted deep access to his personal struggles, resulting in some portions of the audience finding themselves on bojack’s side. the duality of his character is complex, but can be broken down into some core components, that all stem from the impacts of stardom and performance. the standup comedy of bo burnham arguably echoes this sentiment in real time. having been a performer from a young age, burnham creates work that serves as a satirical commentary on the life of entertainers. he uses original songs to explore the reliance upon and resentment for his performative nature both onstage and within his personal life. both the comedian and the netflix show are widely understood to be thinly veiling their critiques of the entertainment industry behind a particular brand of witty and absurd humour.

both bojack and burnham’s content openly criticises their audiences and explicitly states the manufactured nature of the narrative the audience is fed. in the fifth season of bojack horseman, the show satirises itself by having bojack star in a police procedural drama, parts of which are actively written by other characters to reflect events of bojack’s life. the titular character he plays, philbert, is the epitome of selfish male angst, and an example of what bob-waksberg’s show could have been; another story about a sad and angry man whose guilt supposedly makes up for the people he has hurt. according to bojack, philbert teaches us ‘we’re all terrible, so we’re all okay’, an interpretation that is harshly disputed by diane: ‘that’s not the point of philbert, for guys to watch it and feel okay. i dont want you, or anyone else, justifying their shitty behaviour because of the show.’ this moment is a direct reaction to some of the online reception bojack horseman has received. various circles of the show’s fanbase have found themselves relating to the protagonist to the point of defending his untoward behaviour, a response not intentioned by the show’s creators. this is not the only example of bob-waksberg’s ability to make his work self-evaluative. in season six’s exposure of bojack and sarah lynn’s problematic relationship, characters question their sexual encounter from the first season. the writers use this as a way of examining their own choices, and the harmful tropes they played into when using this exploitative sexual encounter as a gag. this self-evaluative quality is what sets bojack apart as a show that assesses the performance it participates in, much like the comedy of bo burnham.

bo burnham is known for directly addressing his audience, particularly in terms of discouraging idolisation and parasocial relationships. some examples of this manifest as responses to hecklers rather than a planned bit in the show, for instance:

heckler: i love you!

bo: no you don’t

heckler: i love the IDEA of you!

bo: stop participating!

he actively addresses the issues posed by being an entertainer, and encourages the audience to understand and recognise that his onstage persona is just that: an exaggerated persona. not once does burnham claim to be fully authentic onstage, and even moments of authenticity we see in his latest special, inside, are staged. we make the assumption that having the physical setting of a stage stripped away grants us a more personal look at the entertainer’s life, but he makes it clear that even in his own home we still see the aspects he has carefully constructed rather than the full truth. arguably though, parts of the show really are authentic; in his monologue during make happy, bo deconstructs his own show in a way that is similar to bojack horseman’s later seasons, admitting that all he knows is performing and thus making a show about the more mundane and relatable aspects of life would feel ‘incredibly disingenuous.’ in his attempts to separate himself from this onstage persona he actually manages to blur the lines between what is acting and what is now part of his nature as a result of his job. this notion is echoed in bojack horseman as bojack’s attention seeking nature is attributed to his years acting in front of a camera every day.

bo suggests that the era of social media has created a space in which children’s identities mimic that of an entertainer like himself, describing the phenomenon as ‘performer and audience melded together.’ in this observation he criticises the phenomenon. bo attempts to force the audience to recognise the ways in which their lives are becoming shaped by the presence of an audience and to some extent uses his own life as a warning tale against this. he points out the way in which the ‘tortured artist trope’ means that your cries for help or roundabout attempts of addressing mature themes such as substance abuse, mental illness and trauma become part of that on stage persona and therefore become part of the joke. both bo and bojack address these topics in more discrete manners earlier in their careers, but this eventually becomes expected, and thus they are forced to explicitly detail their struggles with these topics in order to be taken seriously. even then, portions of the audience are inclined to see it as part of the persona or as something that fuels the creators creativity and thus does not need to be addressed as a legitimate issue. the emphasis on creating a character or persona promotes the commodification of mental illness: any struggle must be made into a song or a joke or a bit, must be turned into part of the act in order to have value. this actually serves to delegitimise these emotions and create a disconnect between the feeling and the person, as it becomes near impossible to exist without feeling as though you are acting. even when an artist’s cries for help become blatant, they continue to go ignored because now they serve the purpose of creating content that criticises the industry they stem from. online audiences can be seen as treating bo burnham and his insightful work as existing to demonstrate the negative effects entertaining can have, and because this insight is useful or thought-provoking to audiences, he is almost demanded to keep entertaining and creating. in response to this demand, his work becomes more meta and his messages become clearer, and the more obvious his messages, the more people he reaches. this increases audience demands and traps entertainers in a cycle fraught with internal conflict.

during bojack’s second season, bojack’s date asks him, ‘come on, do that bojack thing where you make a big deal and everyone laughs, but at the same time we relate, because you're saying the things polite society won't.’ this moment exemplifies how aspects of his genuine personality have now become a part of his persona and this is demanded of him in genuine and serious situations, undermining the validity of his emotional reactions. he immediately makes a rude comment to the waitress at the restaurant they’re in and satisfies his date by performing that character he has set himself out to be. some circles of the fan base have argued that bojack is written as a depiction of somebody with borderline personality disorder, offering a psychoanalytical lens through which to view this notion of performance. a defining symptom of borderline personality disorder is a fluctuating sense of self; having grown up on camera, being demanded to perform to others as young as six years old, bojack’s sense of self will have been primarily dictated by the need to act. whether this acting is for the sake of comedy, or as a representation of masking his mental illness, when they need to act is taken away bojack entirely loses his sense of self and relapses into his addictions: ‘i felt like a xerox of a xerox of a person.’ burnham’s depictions of depression run along a similar vein; in his new special he poses the idea that his comedy no longer serves the same personal purpose it once did for him. he questions ‘shit should I be joking at a time like this?’ and satirises the idea that arts have enough value to change or impact the current global issues that we are facing. burnham’s ‘possible ending song’ to his latest special, he asks ‘does anybody want to joke when no-one’s laughing in the background? so this is how it is.’ implicit in this question is the idea that when the audience is taken away and there is nobody to perform his pain to, he is left with his pain. instead of being able to turn his musings and thoughts into a product to sell to the public, he is forced to just think about them in isolation and actually face them, an abrupt and distressing experience.

the value of performance and art is questioned by both bojack and burnham, particularly during the later years of their respective content. burnham’s infamous song, art is dead, appears to be a direct response to the question ‘what is the worth of art?’ he posits that performing is the result of a need for attention (‘my drug’s attention, i am an addict, but i get paid to indulge in my habit’) and repeatedly jokes throughout his career that the entertainment industry receives more respect that it deserves (‘i’m the same as you, im still doing a job or a service, i’m just massively overpaid’). his revelations regarding the inherent desire for attention that runs through all entertainers is frequently satirised in bojack horseman. bojack is comically, hyperbolically attention hungry and self-obsessed, and the show has a running gag in which he uses phrases along the lines of ‘hello, why is nobody paying attention to me, the famous movie star, instead of these other boring people.’ his constant attempts to direct the focus of others towards himself result in bojack feeling like ‘everybody loves you, but nobody likes you.’ his peers buy into his act and adore the comical, exaggerated, laughable aspects of his character, but find very little room to respond to him on a genuinely personal level because of this. interestingly, bojack appears to enjoy catering to his audience and the instant gratification it produces, whereas bo burnham becomes increasingly candid about his mixed feeling towards his audience. ‘i wanna please you, but i wanna stay true to myself, i wanna give you the night out that you deserve, but i wanna say what i think and not care what you think about it.’ he admits to catering to what audiences want from him, but resents both the audience and himself in the process as it reveals to himself which parts of his character are solely for the sake of people watching him.

within bojack horseman, this concept is applicable not only to the protagonist, but to the various forms of performer demonstrated in the plot. towards the show’s end, sarah lynn asks ‘what does being authentic have to do with anything?’ to which herb kazzaz responds, ‘when i finally stopped hiding behind a facade i could be at peace.’ this highlights the fact that because entertainers are demanded to continue the facade, they do not receive the opportunity to find ‘peace.’ this sentiment is scattered throughout the show, through a musical motif, the song ‘don’t stop dancing.’ the song stems from a life lesson bojack imparted to sarah lynn at a young age, and becomes more frequently used as the show progresses and bojack’s situation worsens.

sarah lynn is also used to explore the value of entertainers; in the show’s penultimate episode, she directly compares her work as a pop icon to the charity work of herb, arguing that if she suffered in order to produce her work. it has to mean something. she lists the struggles she faced when on tour: ‘i gave my whole life...my manager leaked my nudes to get more tour dates added, my mom pointed out every carb i ate, it was hell. but it gave millions of fans a show they will never forget and that has to mean something.’ implicit in this notion is the idea that entertainment is the epitome of self-sacrifice. there is a surplus of mentally ill individuals within the industry, largely due to the nature of the industry itself, but some may argue that the cultural grip the industry has, and the vast amounts of respect and money it generates annually, gives the suffering of these prolific individuals meaning.

the juxtaposing responses entertainers feel towards their audiences manifest as two forms of desperation: the desperation to be an individual who is held accountable, and the desperation to be loved and validated. we see both bojack and bo depict how they oscillate between ‘this is all a lie’ and ‘my affection for my audience is genuine’, or between ‘do not become infatuated with me im a character’ and ‘please fucking love my character i do not know how to be loved on a personal level.’ bojack explicitly asks diane to write a slam piece on him and ‘hold him accountable’, similar to bo’s song ‘problematic’ in which the hook includes the phrase ‘isn’t anybody gonna hold me accountable?’ for his insensitive jokes as a late teenager. their self-awareness is what enables their self-evaluative qualities, but self-awareness is its own issue. bojack grapples with a narcissistic view of his own recognition of his behaviour before settling on a more nuanced, albeit depressing take. originally he makes the assumption that in recognising the negative aspects of himself, he is superior to those who behave similarly: ‘but i know im a piece of shit. that makes me better than all the pieces of shit that don’t know theyre pieces of shit.’ eventually, during his time at rehab he is forced to reconcile with the fact that self awareness does not, to put it bluntly, make you the superior asshole, it just makes you the more miserable one. the show does, however, make a point to recognise how the entertainment industry protects ‘pieces of shit’, prioritising their productive value over how much they deserve to be held accountable, demonstrated using characters like hank hippopoalus. the show itself obviously stems from the entertainment industry, as it is a form of media produced by netflix, one of the most popular streaming platforms available. bojack horseman and bo burnham represent the small corner of the industry that is reflective enough to showcase the damage it inflicts. this is powerful in terms of education and awareness, and urges audiences to question their own motives and versions of performance, but the reflection alone is not powerful enough to help the artists in question. burnham’s candid conversations surrounding his mental health continue to reveal a plethora of issues somewhat caused or sustained by the nature of his career. within bojack horseman, bojack is only able to stop hurting other characters when those characters construct a situation that forces him to face consequence, his introspection alone is not enough. while bojack ends on a message of hope, suggesting to the audience that reverting back to the status quo is not the only acceptable way for events to end, it leaves stinging lessons and social commentary with the audience regarding the unnatural and damaging narrative that performers live through. on a similar but markedly different note, bo burnham’s work and personal progression is playing out in real time, and not in a way that is as raw and genuine as it appears. each bit is planned, even the most vulnerable moments that appear unplanned and painful. his latest special is not entirely devoid of hope, but does translate to audiences as a somewhat exaggerated look around the era of social media and the development of performance, using himself as an example.

the absurdist humour that often acts as a vehicle for poignant statements or emotionally provocative questions is very specific to each media creator. bob-waksberg’s use of puns, tongue twisters and entirely ridiculous circumstances served to simultaneously characterise his points as an expected part of the show’s style of humour, similar to bojack’s emotional instability, but also to make them appear gut-punching in comparison to the humour. burnham’s work is similar in that poignant but blunt statements are often sandwiched between absurd and exaggerated jokes, making them stand out via contrast but not giving the audience too much time to dwell upon them as they are said. performance art is second nature to entertainers, and is presented a an issue that is infiltrating the general population via social media rather than solely affecting the ‘elites’. bojack horseman and bo burnham present the duality of artists simultaneously attempting to level the playing field and increase their chances of survival in the industry, and encourage audiences to know that everyone is bluffing and you’ll never have the right cards anyway.

i.k.b

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hard--mode · 3 years

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Here's the notes for everything that would happen up until the end of the story.... as far as I had it figured out. You'll notice things are a lot less fleshed out the later things go. That's a big reason why this never got finished. the longer I tried to keep the thing running, the more I realized I never had any idea what I wanted to actually DO with this story which made it pretty hard for me to keep up. it's hard to write a story you're trying to take seriously if all you really have are jokes, it turns out.

I haven't reread any of this or edited it at all so who knows what kind of notes I might have written in between things haha

P: so as i was saying about undyne-

C: who’s undyne?

Everyone freezes. Chara just walked right up to papyrus without being noticed. Paps freaks out for a sec before he pulls sans into a huddle. Chara frowns and tries to peek around.

~Montage of papyrus’s excitement and harder puzzles, death montage

~Junior jumble: its sudoku now

Chara’s doing puzzles and sees flowey spying. They shout him over

C: HEY! still following me, loser? Don’t you have anything better to do? (but they smile)

F: somebody’s gotta make sure you don’t get killed too much out here

Flowey pops up closer to them

C: nah, I’m fine! I’ve got that reset power!

F: not for long considering how much you use it (mumbles. Rolls eyes??) (some depiction of chara dying a lot in the bg)

C: by the way…. In the ruins you were telling me to use it… care to tell me more about it since you seem to know so much?

F: I-... uh… well you already know the most of it. It just resets you back to your last SAVE point like nothing happened. Only beings with a powerful SOUL can use it, so monsters with their weak souls can’t.

Chara stops their puzzle work and sits to even the heights: Can flowers?

F: what the heck are you-... oh, no no no. I’m different.

C: so you have the power too.

F: No! I mean-, i used to before you came around. Yeah.

C: so you’ve done resets. (urging him on)

F: yep.

Chara waits a while: ...thats all you have to say?

F: yep

Travel scenes from here on out depict chara and flowey together

Gauntlet:

Flowey remarks that he doesn't remember a save point being before it. Chara goes along and gets paps’ bit. He does to activate it

C: wait this isn't for real right? U can't be srs!!!

P: yeah I am, this is hard mode!

Just show chara repeatedly spawning at the save and running back in with flowey watching them

Then cut to the end chara on the other side of it panting and exhausted, papyrus shocked but also beaming

P: wow you did it!! I'm so proud of u human! I didn’t think you would actually be able to get through it--- I mean- drat! Foiled again! I'll get u one of these times!

Papyrus runs off and Chara watches him with a look of wonder in their eyes.

F: don’t get too excited. his pride is cheap, he’s proud of everyone and every thing

Chara grumbles and marches forward: whatever. I don’t hear you saying you’re proud of me, so why do I have to listen to what you have to say

F: You know, you’re gonna have to fight him soon. Didn’t sans say so? What are you going to do then, die over and over until you give up or are you going to try to murder him just like you did with Toriel? :)

C: I am not! I’m gonna talk him out of it and go right past him like everyone else. Who knows! Maybe he won’t even fight me because he’s that cool. Even if he does, he’s probably a wimp anyways.

F: I wouldn’t be so sure! I bet you don’t stand a chance.

C: shut up! Quit following me if you’re gonna be this useless.

Paps fight

As papyrus carries their body to the shed to rest. Opens on their vision returning and they see their hands hanging toward the ground.

C: why didn’t you kill me? You’re stronger than everyone else, you could easily do it. Why dont you finish me off so everyone can leave or whatever it is you need me to do? Why did you hold back?

P: OH! YOU’RE AWAKE!

C: you held back…

P: OF COURSE i DID! I COULD NEVER KILL YOU, YOU’RE MY-- I HOPE I’M NOT BEING TOO FORWARD, BUT I LIKE TO THINK OF YOU AS MY FRIEND! AND EVEN THOUGH WE DO NEED YOUR SOUL, YOU DESERVE A FIGHTING CHANCE TO DO… WHATEVER IT IS YOU’RE TRYING TO DO.

Chara is too shocked and confused by the sentiment: I don’t… I don’t understand?

P: WHAT’S SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND ABOUT A FRIEND NOT KILLING YOU? HUMANS ARE SO STRANGE ...OH! I SEE NOW! THE REASON WHY YOU CARRY YOUR KNIFE LIKE THAT. IT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE MORE AFRAID OF US MONSTERS THAN WE COULD EVER BE OF YOU!

He sets them down in the shed on the dog bed.

P: I’M SORRY, HUMAN! I WOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU MORE WARNING IF I HAD KNOWN HOW YOU FELT.

C: then… does that mean you’re going to let me go?

P: ABSOLUTELY NOT! I ALREADY CALLED UNDYNE TO MEET ME SO SHE CAN TAKE YOU! AND YOU NEED TO REST NOW AFTER ALL THAT!

C: !! I-I don’t know who Undyne is, but I can’t do that. I’m in a hurry to get out of here.

P: HMM… IF YOU’RE IN A HURRY THEN… NO, NO YOU CAN’T! WE NEED YOUR SOUL, I CAN’T JUST LET YOU LEAVE. UNDYNE’S REALLY COOL TOO, YOU’LL LIKE HER!

C: No, I have to go.

P: AGH, WELL… I SUPPOSE IF YOU CAN GET PAST ME BEFORE I CAN CATCH YOU, THERE’S NOTHING I CAN DO. BUT I WON’T GO EASY ON YOU!

Cut to chara walking toward waterfall, papyrus calling after them to come back and hang out sometime. They keep walking and mutter to themself: Sorry, but I’ll get out of here before that ever happens.

WATERFALL

They see monster kid and side eye sans as they charge in, hurriedly.

Chara keeps flowey around and asks him to read the words for him. FLowey says it’s not important at all to anything they’re doing. It’s just monster history junk that means nothing if chara’s trying to leave. Chara’s like shut up cmon help me out maybe there's clues. FLowey reads some history stuff in waterfall treating it like shit they already know

F: why do you care about all this garbage anyway?

C: I dunno, I guess it just sounds familiar. Like a story I heard a long time ago.

Chara stops suddenly and checks their phone. Flowey asks what’s up

C: i thought it rang… you didn’t hear-

The phone starts ringing. Papyrus is cheerfully on the other end and they walk and talk.

He tells them about how he heard so many horrible things about humans and the surface but chara was much nicer than he ever expected. Chara asks where he heard that and he says a flower told him. Chara covers the receiver and looks around for flowey, suspicions of him raised.

Montage w monster kid and umbrella

Chara falls from undyne’s spear attack and wakes up in the trash with flowey over them.

F: hey, wake up. I can tell you’re not dead so hurry up and get moving.

Chara’s kind of bummed: she killed me four times back there. And it wasn’t even a fight. I couldn’t talk her down or… i couldn’t even talk to her, I could barely see her.

F: what, are you giving up or something? You know she can kill you as much as she wants and you aren’t gonna die.

C: I know that! I know this is just like a game where you can keep on going but… it hurts. And it’s exhausting.

F: what will you do then? Sit here in this trash and do nothing?

C: *sigh* no. I’m just feeling down in the dumps.

They smile and get up.

As they’re walking out, they hear a click and someone to tell them to “hold it”

Mad dummys behind them and she just has a gun. Pointed directly at chara. She starts on her thing about the cousin and then blook saves the day.

Chara meets up with blook again. They go to where the snail races used to be. It’s all busted and unused

C: what’s this supposed to be…?

B: oh…. this used to be a snail farm…. And this was a race course…. For snails…. But a long time ago people started to call the races “insensitive” so we had to close them…. Sorry you can’t have any fun racing snails…

C: why was it insensitive…?

B: ...i’d… rather not talk about it………..

Timeskip

C: hey flowey! What’s up with this place and snails?

F:...i wouldnt know.

montage

After waterfall where undyne says how many souls they have

C: flowey… if they have 6 human souls, that means 6 others fell down and died here, so…

F: what?

C: i just- i mean you were the first one i met-

F: no, no, no, ive never killed anyone. You’re the only human i’ve seen since i woke up

Chara relaxes: ok. So you dont know anything about them.

F: no. i heard some things from toriel, not much. It’s too late to try asking her, but she’s seen all of them. She was there at the beginning even.

C: the beginning?

F: you know…. When humans started falling down here and monsters started killing them.

Chara goes silent in thought: wait… how… long has this been going on? How old is toriel?

F: dunno

Chara after having a rough time: it’s hard, but no matter what happens i can just keep trying. I’ll make it out of this! You believe in me right, flowey?

F: no i think you should give up.

Page/chapter ends there. Next is chara going up to fight undyne.

Open on a riff on the “long ago” cutscene that chara cuts off by saying they already know this story

Undyne screams SHUT UP!!! I’m doing my HEROIC MONOLOGUE!! Whatever, I bet you haven’t heard the part about the King and Queen’s human child who died of illness and their other son who was killed by the humans when he tried to return their body to the surface?!

C: No I think I heard that one too? Why are you telling me all this anyways??

U: because this is an UNSKIPPABLE CUTSCENE!! NYAAAGGGHHHH!!!!!

Chara’s getting their ass beat and on low hp: I’ll die in a hit or two. But that’s fine because I’ll just start this over. I’ll start from… where was the last save point…

A vision of them with flowey. Their eyes go red and the flashback cuts in between shots of them running from undyne

F: I think you should give up

Ch: what… give up?? I thought you were on my side with all the telling me to keep going and-and the hanging out with me?!

F: as if you had any other choice but to keep going! We both know you don’t.

C: so you’ve just been following this whole time waiting for me to give up and die, huh?! Why, are you trying to steal my soul just like everybody else?!?

F: it doesn’t matter how hard you try, you’re going to die! And die and die and die! You can reset as much as you want, it won’t change that! So what if I am waiting for you to give up? You’re the last thing keeping monsters trapped down here. If you give up, you’ll give everyone what they want!

C: I thought you wanted to help me?! I thought you were my friend!

F: I would never be friends with a human! You’re all nothing but killing machines!

C: I haven’t killed anyone!

F: You killed Toriel! No number of resets can change what you did! You’re a horrible, disgusting human just like all the others and everyone would be happier if you were dead!

Flowey could say something about dying down here is better than their inevitable death on the surface. Their death would at least be worth something. Mean something

Chara escapes the fight, undyne collapses, and they walk away. they tell themselves they won’t give up. They don’t need help, especially not from that dumb flower. They’ll live to spite him and everyone else who tries to kill them

Chara goes in and meets alphys and overall is p meh abt it bc bad mood. Alphys helping them through the underground makes them talk to themselves about how they dont need flowey, they can do this themself. Friends are no good.

hotland is as normal. probably figure out some indication of things not right. make the game seem broken bc they arent supposed to get so far like this

Chara meets with sans at mtt resort for food reluctantly. Lets him say his piece. After he’s done threatening to kill them chara says to his face that they really don’t like him.

Need some hubbub about them having to kill asgore to get out. Theyll be like yeah I know that (somehow)... oh but I need a plan… how will i come up with a plan..

Flowey finally appears to chara again just before they get to new home and tries to talk them out of leaving. Disparaging the surface and telling them they could live happily down here. Chara says no, it’s too hard because people are constantly hunting them down and being the last soul, no ones going to stop that. He says that he’s sorry for the way he was before

Chara smiles back, and then looks away: What you said before… about.. My inevitable death on the surface…

F: that was… don’t worry about that.

C: are you afraid of it?

F: well- yeah, it’s a dangerous place. Everyone knows that.

C: I’ve died a lot more times down here than I ever did up there.

A beat

C: you go back and forth a lot between talking about how I should stay down here because it’s better… but also if I die down here… everyone gets to go free… to the horrible, awful surface.

F: uh,, did I say all that…? I may have contradicted myself a little… I guess… in the end I just wanted an excuse for you to stay around. I really don’t want you to die.

C: so you did see me as a friend after all?

F: well…you reminded me of someone who was my friend. I wish we could have been friends.

C: Do you think… If I reset back to the beginning and did this again, if I said the right things… we could have been?

F: No… You could be as nice to me or as mean to me as you want. No matter how many times you reset, some things never change.

C: ...Did you ever… have to reset because you killed someone?

F: ……….once… and then I never reset ever again. The power to reset… makes you do bad things. It’s wrong. I had to stop because i knew… I’d make someone really upset if I kept messing around.

C: well, in that case… I guess I’ll just have to get the rest of the way out of here without any resets!

Flowey smiles: I dunno, keep one or two under your belt. You’re a pretty big klutz.

C: Thanks for helping me out of here, flowey. Even if you just did it because you were begged.

Can you imagine a more paranoid flowey who is less interested in attacking you and regaining the reset ability, but is pleased af that you have the reset ability because that means you can't die, and instead he spends the entire game trying to convince you that humanity is hopeless. That there is nothing on the surface world returning to. That it's safer, down here.

he's part of the reason why things are so much harder

he's the one that starts the rumors about the dangers of teh surface world

there's a definite sense of paranoia all across the board

When they approach new home, flowey appears one last time and grabs chara by the hand, telling them not to go. They can live in the underground, they’ve made a lot of friends here. Chara says that they have to go, they’ll find a way to get out without killing asgore. Flowey says that he tried to stop them, this is as far as he’ll go. This is goodbye. They bid their farewells and chara goes along, but flowey secretly follows them, much less detectable than ever before. It’s revealed when he’s hiding with the flowers.

Chara walks up to new home, regarding it as a vaguely familiar sight. They walk down the many halls knowing exactly where to go. The monsters speak as they go through the motions. They find a cookbook in the kitchen with a page for snail pie missing. Chara mumbles about already knowing the story and that they should all shut up. They walk more quickly to stay ahead of them. Then one mentions the snail pie and chara stops dead in their tracks. No that’s not how it happened- they stop, and take back off.

They are stopped by sans in the judgement hall, glaring at him.

S: well I had a whole speech to give ya, but you look like you’re in a hurry. You’re a weird kid, but you’re fine. The king’s up ahead.

OTHER alternative: chara realizes something’s wrong and runs back to get everyone, probably threatening to kill asgore to convince them to come quickly. Sans is avoided due to the mob approaching behind them “I heard the word that you’re on your way to kill the king.” c: are you here to stop me? “Nah. But you’d better have a good plan to back yourself up, kid. King’s up ahead”

They run up to asgore, no nonsense. Some time is taken to progress things. As they leave the throne room, flowey watches from the flowers, chara looks back to confirm he’s there.

Asgore draws up the souls, the fight is about to engage, before he can smash “MERCY” chara yells: ASRIEL. Get the souls.

Everything stops. Flowey is behind them, stunned and confused. Chara turns and asks him what he’s waiting for. Hurry up and take the souls before everyone else gets here. Nearly every last monster is coming, if he can become godlike and absorb them, it will be enough strength to break the barrier.

Flowey is confused, how do they know that? Chara tells him he did it before. Doesn’t he remember? Doesn’t he remember them?

Either flowey does it and something happens, or flowey waits too long and chaos erupts which gets them killed, and then chara and flowey have to meet up and workshop.

Final fight:

He probably says some shit about frisk and how he cant lose frisk again, chara must insist that theyre not frisk. When they say their name is chara, he hesitates for only a moment. Finally, when chara’s pinned and about to seriously die…

C: you remember it now too, don’t you? It took me a while, I couldn’t remember a thing until i started hearing your name around. You’re an all powerful god now, you should be able to remember it all better than me

A: shut up.

C: would frisk want us to fight like this?! Would frisk want you to kill your own sibling?!

A: c-.... You’re… you’re really chara?

He lets them go

They reach the conclusion that frisk messed with everything and put them here with no memories so they could do something frisk could never do. Frisk thinks they deserve to live, no matter how much the two may disagree. They have to play along. Asriel is a god and can use his powers to break the barrier and bring EVERYONE back to life so they can live together happily.

go to final fight and everyones already there, things are very confused, flowey takes the souls and things glitch out (screen phases between bosses) and chara realizes this isnt how things are supposed to be, tells asriel theyre sorry for their baggage but he doesnt understand bc he isnt theirs, and then they gotta find frisk somehow

OR... they realize things in the speech and don't go to fight asgore bc theyre finding flowey... they feign fighting asgore and then suddenly tell flowey to take the souls("Asriel! get the souls!" and thats the first time they call him by name)...? i like that a bit better. they start going on about crazy shit that makes roided out flowey kind of lose it at them which leads to them apologizing to their own asriel but then realizing they need to find frisk

but HOW do they find frisk

The end shows chara asriel and frisk hugging eachother, all alive and well. Then the two are “processing…” and remember that oh, theyve done some dark messed up stuff.

#unsure what to tag this as lol #sorry if the readmore doesnt work for any reason

157 notes · View notes

yikesharringrove · 4 years

Note

after star court Steves head trauma was severe enough where he got diagnosed with epilepsy and has minor seizures n gets confused easily, his parents dont care or bother to come home and help him so its mostly robin

I want to send all my love and thanks to @elysiumwaits and @a-bit-of-trash for all their help with this piece! 💕💕💕

Read on Ao3

The first time Robin noticed it, Steve was helping a customer at Family Video.

He was in the middle of a sentence, i the middle of a transaction behind the register when his eyes drifted up towards the ceiling and his voice trailed off. His jaw shifted around and he chewed on his tongue.

It was like he was completely vacant.

It lasted a few seconds, and he snapped back in, finishing his sentence and continuing the transaction like nothing happened.

The customer stared questioningly at Robin, and she smiled tightly at her, waving as she threw Steve one last confused look and turned to leave.

“Uh, Steve?” Steve looked over his shoulder to her, humming in question. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

“You, like, kinda went blank there. Like stopped talking for awhile and just. I don’t know, it was weird.” He furrowed his brows.

“What?”

“Yeah. You just kinda. I don’t even know how to describe it.” She was beginning to get nervous, if Steve just blacked out or something, and had no idea he did it, that can’t be good. “Has that happened before?”

“I have no idea. I mean, I didn’t even know it happened just now.” His voice was doing that thing it does before he gets in over his head. His pitch gets higher and his voice waivers a bit and his eyes go wide, and usually, this display ends with a panic attack.

“Hey, heyheyheyhey, hey. I’m sure it’s okay.” She tried to smile at him. She really isn’t sure it’s okay. But she can’t let him think his blank-out scared her.

The next time she saw it, she was sitting across from him on his couch, both their backs against either armrest, her feet in Steve’s lap.

Steve was in the middle of a story about Dustin, something silly he did earlier that day.

When his eyes fluttered. He stopped speaking mid-sentence again, his eyes fluttering oddly, his jaw working once again.

It was only a few seconds when he snapped back, picking up his story right where he left off.

“Steve, it happened again.”

Steve’s face fell.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. You stopped talking and kinda went blank. Just the same as last time.” She kept her voice even, didn’t want to scare him. But he began chewing on his bottom lip, his brows furrowing.

“I didn’t even know. I don’t know they’re happening. Do you think they happen often? And I just have no fucking idea?”

“I really don’t know, Steve.” And maybe her misstep was the lack of a condescending but endearing nickname.

Because Steve looked about a second from bursting into tears.

“Should I, like, go to the doctor? I mean, I’ve had a lot of concussions these past few years. It could be, like, my brain slowly turning to Jell-o.”

“Or maybe it’s nothing!” She said quickly. “If you decide to go to the doctor, I’ll come with you.”

It happened three times in the waiting room of the doctor’s office.

Each time like the last, a few seconds of Steve blanking out and his mind going elsewhere.

It was beginning to really fucking scare Robin. He already wasn’t the brightest, and now he has these lapses, these momentary blank outs that were beginning to take more of a toll.

He was having several a day that she knew of, and by the evening, Steve was sapped of all his energy, and so fucking confused, he would lose his train of thought before it even left the station.

“Alright, Mr. Harrington. What brings you in today?” Doctor Owens let himself into the room, taking a seat at the stool next to the examination. table Steve was perched on.

“Uh, my doctor referred me. I’m having some, like, issues, I guess.” He looked expectantly at Robin. She sighed through her nose.

“He has lapses. He could be in the middle of a sentence, and he’ll stop speaking. Usually his eyes will drift and after a few seconds, he’s back.”

Doctor Owens was nodding at her seriously.

“Alright Steven. Do you black out for these episodes? Lose time?”

“I don’t even notice they’ve happened.”

“And anything else with them? Headaches? Confusion?”

“He gets confused if he’s had several in a day. I was with him one evening when he had five and by the time we fell asleep he wasn’t speaking clearly and couldn’t remember some things.”

Owens too a deep breath.

“I’d like to run some testing. It sounds like you’re experiencing minor seizures.”

Steve gawked at him.

“Seizures? But I mean, I haven’t been, like, it’s just a little, a little, brain glitch.”

“There are many different forms of seizures. And some can result in, confusion, black outs, and momentary lapses. They’re called absence seizures. And it sounds like, the number you’ve been having is indicative of epilepsy, but I’d like to run some more tests before saying one way or another.” He drummed briefly on the examination table, smiling and nodding at Robin before letting himself back out of the room.

Steve was staring at the wall in front of him.

“Seizures. Epilepsy.”

“Hey,” Robin leaned forward in her chair, placing one hand on his forearm. “At least it’s an answer. Diagnoses bring treatment.”

He gave her those big round puppy dog eyes that always made her heart break a little bit.

“Robin, I’m scared.”

It was barely a whisper, and Steve’s hands closed into shaking fists, clenching the fabric of his flimsy gown.

“I know. I know it’s scary. But I’m here, right? And we’ve dealt with a lot scarier than your brain electricity.”

He nodded at her shakily.

Doctor Owens returned then.

“Alright, Steven. We’re going to schedule you in for tomorrow for an EEG, a simple test to measure brain activity. It’ll give us a great view of what is happening in that head ‘a yours. Frankly, it’d be great if you had an event while doing the test. But, we’ll just see what’s going on in there, and figure out how to help you. That sound alright?”

“Uh, yes, Doctor. Thank you.”

The phone was ringing loudly by the time Steve pushed open the front door.

He had been quiet as Robin drove him home, and he had another small seizure in the car.

He picked up the phone, and she placed one hand gently on the small of his back as she passed by him into the kitchen.

“Hey, Dad.”

Robin sighed. This was the last thing they needed today. A call from Steve’s asshole father.

“Yeah, I had to use the credit card at the doctor. I’m having some testing done. No, not, Dad just listen. I might have epilepsy.” Steve’s voice cracked when he said epilepsy. He went quiet. Robin chewed on her bottom lip. “Just put Mom on, please.”

Robin was standing just on the other side of the doorway, listening intently. Steve always just assumed she was eavesdropping on his conversations.

“Hi, Mom. Yeah, the doctor said it could be epilepsy. I mean, I have like, a bunch of seizures. Been having them for months now. And I’m just- I mean, can you,” he went silent, no doubt listening to his mother speak.

It was a few minutes of silence before he spoke again.

And dear God, she really thought she was gonna fucking cry.

“Mom, can you please just come home? I have a big test tomorrow and I’m. I’m just scared. And I want my mom.”

And then more silence. And Steve sniffed.

“Yeah, no, uh, it’s okay. No really, Mom. I’m okay. I’ll be-enjoy the rest of your trip.” There was a click as he set the phone down on the receiver.

She waited for him to show around the wall, let him take a moment to himself.

He slunk around the divider, not meeting Robin’s gaze.

“I assume-”

“We don’t have to talk about it,” she cut him off quickly.

“Thanks.”

And they didn’t.

They didn’t talk about the looming appointment the next day, the hours of testing Steve was going to have to sit through.

They didn’t talk about the way his mom didn’t bother to even pretend she would come to support him through his nerves.

They talked about shit that didn’t matter- awful costumers at Family Video, Keith repeatedly asking robin out and never getting the hint she wasn’t into him, they even unpacked the entirety of the Star Wars trilogy, as Steve fell asleep nearly every time they tried to watch it.

Steve hugged her tight before she drove herself home in her mom’s old station wagon. He did that thing he does where he buries his face into her shoulder and takes a real big breath and kinda seems like Robin’s the only thing keeping him together, kissing the top of her head once before she pulled away.

He woke up groggy, a spot of drool on his pillow. The phone was blaring on his nightstand, and he barely rolled over to slam it against his ear.

“‘ello?”

“Steve, oh my God. I’m so so sorry,” Robin babbled into the receiver, barely breathing as she hurled her words at him. “I got called in to cover for Amanda today, and Keith said he’s called everyone, and if I can’t work today, he’s gonna call you, and you can’t miss the test, but I feel like such shit, I promised I’d come with you, and with your mom not coming in, I said I’d drive you, and now I can’t, and Steve, I’m so sorry-” she sounded frantic, almost like she was close to tears.

“Rob, hey, it’s alright.” It wasn’t. Not really, but he understands. And he’s a grown up, after all. He can go to the doctor by himself. “It’s okay. Just come over tonight if you want to.”

“Yes, yes, I’ll be over right after I get off. Maybe Amanda can come relieve me or something. I’m so sorry.”

She sounded sorry. She sounded absolutely miserable.

“Rob, honest, no hard feelings. I can just go. I’ll be okay. See you after.”

“I’ll bring dinner! Or, or snacks, and I can bring a few movies with me afterwards-”

“That sounds great. Look, I gotta go take a shower and get ready. I’ll just, I’ll see you later. After the-the thing.”

“Yes! Yeah, Steve, really I’m so so sorry.”

“I know. Don’t worry. I’ll see you later, Rob. Love you.” He scrubbed a hand down his face, melting further back into his pillows.

“I’ll be there! And I love you a whole lot, okay?”

“Yeah. I know. It’s really okay. I promise.”

He didn’t let her get another word in, slapping the phone back onto the hook.

Really, he had no hard feelings. It’s not worth it to be mad at her for this. He just doesn’t want to sit on the phone with her while she apologizes some more

It just fucking sucks.

He’s fairly certain he had a seizure in the shower. He doesn’t totally know when he has them, but he’s beginning to recognize the time passing, the way he just feels tired after.

He took his sweet time getting ready, dreading the impeding appointment and all the testing, making sure to wear comfortable clothes, hoping they wouldn’t make him swap out his soft crew neck sweatshirt for a flimsy hospital gown while he sat through everything that was about to happen.

And only when he got outside did it really hit him that Robin won’t be going with him.

Owens said to avoid driving until they could find out more about his episodes. Find an epicenter and maybe a trigger. It’s dangerous as all hell to have him blanking out on the road. Which is something Robin suggested in that overly calm voice of hers when the seizures started getting more frequent.

Robin’s been driving him everywhere the past few weeks. And she was going to pick him up for the appointment.

Fuck.

He has no one to call.

Well, he could call someone, but that would take all the energy of explaining all the shit he hasn’t told anyone yet about his issues, and that’s a can of worms he doesn’t feel ready for on a Thursday morning.

Claudia would only ask more questions than he had answers, and he doesn’t think he could stand seeing that sad look Nancy’s always got on her face when she sees him nowadays.

And he doesn’t think things won’t be awkward between him and Jonathan.

Okay.

Looks like he’s gonna drive himself.

He actually buckled himself in, something he almost never did, and took everything as slowly as possible, creeping down his neighborhood at an almost comical pace.

If he has a seizure, and blanks out for a few seconds, he wants to be able to mitigate any damage. Either stop himself from going too far in the first place, or give others enough time to move out of the way from his slow moving death machine.

His grip was so tight on the steering wheel his knuckles were white, hands clammy and no doubt shaking.

“Just breathe, Stevie. You’re doing just fine. Plenty of time to get there.” He hadn’t turned on the radio, wanted to keep a laser focus on the road. “You’re not going to blank out, and you’re not going to hurt anyone.”

He kept up that monologue as he made the slowest left-turn possible onto the road that led into town.

He had the overwhelming urge to bounce his leg, trying to keep himself still and focused.

And the next thing he knows, he’s idling at a stop sign with the Chief of Police knocking on his window.

Fuck.

At least he didn’t hurt anyone, or crash his car horribly.

He cranked down the window, giving Hop as much of a smile as he could muster.

“Kid, what the fuck? I’ve been tapping on that window for a full minute. You were just, sittin’ there.”

Shit. He’s gonna have to come clean.

“I, uh, I’m actually going to an appointment. With Owens.” Hopper just continued staring at him, his face gruff, his brows drawn. “I got some. Brain stuff.”

And then Hopper’s face fell.

“Shit, why didn’t you let any of us know?”

“Because, well, they don’t know what it is yet, but I, uh, I’ve been having, like, seizures,” Steve could feel it, the lump rising in his throat he’s been ignoring since yesterday, the nerves and sadness and confusion all welling up. “And Owens is gonna run some tests because he thinks I have epilepsy now, from being tortured, and I don’t know what’s happening to me, but it’s like I can’t even control my own stupid brain, and I’m so fucking scared, and-”

This is fucking mortifying.

Sitting in his car, crying, in front of Hopper.

Who looked like he had no idea what the fuck to do.

“Okay, uh, just take some deep breaths, okay? Why don’t you, uh, go get in my truck, and I’ll take you to the appointment. I can leave your car parked over there,” he pointed at the side of the road beyond the stop sign. “You don’t seem in much shape to be drivin’.”

“Sorry, I’m not-not supposed to, but I had no one to call-”

“Hey, I hope you now that’s not true.” Hopper reached through the window to place a firm hand on Steve’s shoulder. “I’ll take you, and I’ll drive you on home after.” And he opened up the door, and Steve nearly got tangled in the seat belt as he tried to step out of the car. “Shit, you weren’t kidding.”

And Steve felt like a fucking child as Hop reached over him to unbuckle him, and actually help him out of the car.

He finally noticed the truck parked behind his car, and got himself tucked into the passenger seat as Hopper moved the beamer to the spot he indicated, double checking he locked it before jogging back to the truck.

The ride was silent all the way to the hospital, Steve tying his fingers up in knots and trying not to throw up.

Hopper didn’t just drop him off, he actually walked with Steve into the building, escorted him all the way to the exam room.

He sat in the chair Robin usually occupied, settling his hat on his knee.

Wait, he’s fucking on duty.

“You don’t have to stay. I could, like, call the station when I’m finished here.”

“I’ve got nowhere to be. Not a lotta shit goes down in this town on the off-season.” He smiled grimly at Steve, who just nodded blankly.

And Owens took that time to break the awkward quiet between them, opening the door with Steve’s file tucked under his arm.

“Steven! Good to see you again. Let’s get into that head of yours, shall we?” He shook hands with Hop, turning back to Steve with a grin that was probably meant to be jovial and endearing. “Sorry to see that girlfriend of yours won’t be joining us today. Trouble in paradise?”

“We’re just friends. And she’s working.” His voice felt heavy, like it took effort just to make himself speak.

“Doc, for my own sake, Harrington here hasn’t quite gotten me up to speed with the testing today.”

There was a short rap on the door, and a few nurses entered the room, bringing a rolling metal tray with a few tubes and a long syringe, and a large machine, wires spilling out the side.

Steve barely reacted as they took his blood, pressing his shoulders gently to coax him into a supine position, relaxing against the exam table.

“We’re going to begin with an E.E.G., or, an electroencephalography.”

Something sparked in Hopper’s eyes.

“That’s what Will had, right? To monitor brain activity, or what have you.”

“Exactly. We use them to understand and diagnose seizure disorders. Steven’ll be here for about an hour or so.” He washed his hands quickly at the sink in the corner, turning back to Steve and looking at him pensively. It made Steve feel oddly self-conscious. “It’s completely painless.” He smiled weakly at Steve, maybe misjudging his general discomfort at being looked at for prolonged periods of time as fear.

Which sure, he’s got some real fear surrounding this test, but not the test itself. He’s more dreading the follow-up appointment he’s gonna have to have for his results to be read and explained. If he’s got epilepsy, or not. If this is what the rest of his life is gonna look like, or not. If he can drive or go to college. If it’ll all just get worse.

One of the nurses, the one with a nice round face that had taken his blood a few moments ago, was marking out spots on his head, along his hairline.

And before he knew it, small sticky pads were being stuck to him, one on each spot she had marked out, and more dotting back through his hair, the nurse smoothing it down and parting it awkwardly in many places to get the little pads as close to his scalp as possible.

“Alright. You ready, Steven?” Owens didn’t wait for a response before he began fiddling with the large machine, bringing it to life.

It was kind of like what Steve saw in a video once about seismographs. A little arm scratching out tremors in the Earth on a sliding sheet of paper.

Only this one was detecting tremors in his brain. Tremors and errors and everything that was going wrong in there.

“So, Chief. What brings you in here with Steven today?”

Steve wanted to tell Owens just to call him Steve, but he kinda feels like it’s past the point of when he should’ve corrected him, and now, it’d be kinda weird.

“Drivin’ the kid in. Can’t have him crashing his car. I think the last thing his head needs is another bonk.”

It made Steve smile, nearly made him laugh as the machine scratched away beside him.

“Good to see you’ve taken my advice.”

“Robin drives me almost everywhere. We work the same shifts and she picks me up after school. It works pretty okay.” The whirring of the machine kinda made Steve want to fall asleep.

“Your parents don’t drive you?” Hopper looked a little too interested. Steve tried to play it cool.

“My dad works quite a lot.” Hopper tightened his jaw and Steve kinda felt like a little kid again. “He, uh, travels for work a lot. And my mom likes to go.”

It was like the air in the room totally went cold.

“Kid, do they even know you’re here today?”

“Yes! I called them last night. Pretty much begged my mom to fly in but she-”

And it was the first Owens had seen one of Steve’s seizures for himself.

He cut off mid sentence, his eyes, that had just been wide and clear a second before, went blank, and dim, nearly rolling back in his head. The E.E.G. noted the seizure, tracking brainwaves that were even more abnormal than had been presented already. His jaw worked as though he was trying to speak, and as quickly as it happened, Steve seemed to snap back into himself.

So, maybe emotional duress? Stress? That should definitely be examined as a possible trigger.

Owens scribbled that down on Steve’s chart as Steve shook himself, smiling benignly at Hopper.

“Sorry. Uh, lost my train of thought, there.”

And maybe Hop was able to see that talking about Steve’s family could bring on another, or maybe he just got scared of watching Steve have a seizure and decided to walk on eggshells, but he just smiled back. Brought up a story about Eleven from earlier in the week. How the two of them had played a game of Monopoly that lasted nearly six hours and had both of them close to tears by the end of it.

The test was okay by Steve’s standards. Pretty easy on his end. All he had to do was lay back and let the machine do work. He’s pretty sure he had an episode or two, based on the way Hopper would go all pale and look at Steve like he was sorry for him.

Hopper had to step out near the middle of the test to make a phone call, Steve figured to the station to let them know he was otherwise occupied, or something like that. Or at least, that’s what Steve hoped, and not that Hopper was putting calls in to his father’s work and getting in touch with him via his secretary, or something awful like that.

He’d rather not have the Chief of Police call his parents from the hospital to scold them for not accompanying Steve to his Big Scary Medical Test.

He felt about ready to fall asleep when the machine was finally turned off and nurse returned, removing all the sticky pads as gently as possible from his head.

Owens looked over the paper carefully, folding along the perforations and clipping it against Steve’s chart.

“So, Steven, can we see you a few days from now to go over these results?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Go ahead and schedule that with the front desk,” he finished in the doorway, giving Hop a curt wave and swishing off to something else.

“You ready to be home, kid?”

“Fuckin’ absolutely.”

That made Hop huff something close to a laugh, and he kinda fluttered about while Steve stood up from the examination table, like he wanted to help Steve up, help him manoeuvre around.

Steve went through all the typical stuff at the front desk, handing over his father’s credit card along with their insurance information, scheduling another appointment three days from then.

He was tired, and just felt so fucking awkward that Hopper had been here to witness Steve’s prolonged physical breakdown.

Hopper led him out of the hospital and back to the truck, driving him home with the radio playing quietly. Steve stared out the window, watching raindrops sprinkle onto the car and rush down the window.

They passed Steve’s car a few blocks away from his house, and by the time they pulled up, Steve was almost too tired to notice another car parked in front of his house.

But he couldn’t ignore Joyce’s tight hug when he made it to his porch, and suddenly Hopper’s phone call made sense.

Will was standing behind her like a shadow, holding a baking dish and three clear glass bowls, all stacked up and covered in tin foil.

They brought him dinner.

It kinda made Steve wanna cry.

He fumbled with his keys letting them all inside, tugging awkwardly at the sleeves of his sweatshirt as he led Joyce to the kitchen.

Hop grunted something about walking to get Steve’s car, easing the keys out of his hands and taking off down the road.

“Steve, Honey, why don’t you just take a seat. We’ve got this.” She smiled and pushed him softly towards the kitchen table.

And he really wanted to help her heat everything up. For fuck sake’s she brought him dinner, he wants to do something, but he’s so goddamn tired.

He sat down slowly, tucking his left leg up under him as he watched Joyce and Will in his kitchen.

They set the dishes to heat up slowly in the oven, going through cabinets to find dishes and flatware to set the table.

Steve’s family almost never ate in the kitchen.

When his parents were home, they almost always sat together in the formal dining room, eating in stilted silence before heading their separate ways.

It was kinda nice, hearing the two of them talk softly to one another, letting Steve just kinda zone out a little bit, tracing the wood grain of the table with the pads of his fingers.

Until his front door creaked open in a way that only Robin could make happen, and he was being hugged tightly from behind.

“Steve, I came as soon as I could. I’m so so sorry I couldn’t come. How was the test? Did they tell you anything yet? Keith was being such an ass today, I almost punched him right in the-” She cut herself off when she noticed the Byers standing near the oven, still clinging onto Steve from behind. “Uh, hi. Sorry,” she stammered. She didn’t do well being taken off guard. Steve sometimes thought it was kinda funny.

“Hi, Sweetheart. Let me just set you a place for dinner. Hop’s moving Steve’s car, he’ll be back in a second and this should be hot enough to eat.”

Robin finally relinquished Steve, keeping one hand on his shoulder that Steve covered with his own.

“Oh, uh, that’s okay. I just wanted to check on Steve, I don’t wanna intrude-”

Joyce waved her hand, shaking her head.

“We invited ourselves into his home. As long as Steve says it’s okay, you’re more than welcome. There’s plenty.”

“Steve looked up at Robin, pretending to think it over.

“I don’t know,” he sighed dramatically. “I don’t really like you, so I don’t want you to stay.” He scrunched up his face when she hit his shoulder. “Take a seat, Buck.”

They could hear heavy footsteps in the hall, the door being closed quietly behind Hopper, and the jingle of Steve’s keys being deposited in the glass bowl on the small sidetable next to the door.

Robin stood to help Joyce and Will bring all the dishes over to the table, and fuck, Steve’s hungry. He hasn’t eaten all day since most of it was spent feeling like he could throw up his spleen.

But Joyce had brought a rich lasagna, and the creamiest mashed potatoes Steve has ever tasted, and these fucking string beans that were so good and crisp, Steve must’ve demolished half the container of them.

Conversation was kept light and nice, and Steve figured Hopper had filled Joyce in on the nitty-gritty of the test and everything to do with what Steve has been not so subtly hiding from everyone but Robin.

It was still nice to let the sleeping dog lie, even if Steve did find himself no doubt post-seizure with his hand sloppily in his mashed potatoes and everyone staring at him.

And after finishing two of the brownies Joyce had brought, Steve was struck with such a huge wall of tired, it was like he could barely even keep his eyes open.

“Well, we should take our leave.” Joyce leaned back in her chair, Will looking just as sleepy as Steve felt.

“Seriously, Mrs. B. Thank you so much for this. So much.” Steve didn’t even have the words in him to explain his gratitude, but sometimes he thinks Joyce has the ability to read his mind, so it works out.

She just squeezed him in another tight hug, Will following with one of his own before Robin walked them to the door.

“You call if you need anything, okay? Even if it’s just some company. El’s been on this real Miami Vice kick, she’ll talk to anyone that’ll listen about that damn show.”

It made Steve nearly laugh, picturing El sitting in front of the television, watching Miami Vice with as much determination as she does everything.

“Thank you, Hop. Today probably would’ve been a lot more shit if you hadn’t’ve seen my car.”

“Anytime, Kid. And quit tryna hide that shit. We’ve all been fucked up by what happened. Doesn’t mean you’re broke or somethin’.”

And Steve really fucking doesn’t wanna cry anymore today.

He blinked rapidly to keep the tears at bay, Hopper doing him a solid and studying his own watch.

“Alright, my little twerp’s been at the Wheeler’s all day. I gotta pick her up. Take it easy, alright?”

“Yes, Sir.” Steve gave him a lazily sarcastic salute.

Hopper rolled his eyes, putting his hat back on.

Steve slunk to the couch as Robin locked up behind the chief, flopping down near his feet.

“I brought Raiders of the Lost Ark as an apology gift.”

“I’m gonna make you watch it a million times.”

Robin slapped his leg, a gesture that was immediately undercut by her draping a soft blanket delicately over him.

“Marion Ravenwood is hot enough I stay invested.”

She sat back down after putting in the tape.

“So, how was it today?” Her voice was way too casual.

“It was okay. Test was fine enough, and hanging out with everyone was good.”

“Are you, like, gonna maybe reach out to them more? Because, you know, they know now.”

Steve chewed on the inside of his cheek, tugging at a loose thread in the blanket.

“Probably. Not that you don’t do a lot for me, but, uh, it was kinda nice to have grown ups around.”

“You know I’d do anything for you, but I think it was kinda nice too. Especially-” She cut herself off, letting the especially since your mom couldn’t be bothered to show up hang in the air between them.

The opening trailers had begun on the rented tape, and Steve closed his eyes, snuggling deeper into the couch.

“Thanks, Rob. Love you.”

“Yeah, Dingus. Love you too.”

#yikes writes #epileptic steve harrington #steve harrington #epileptic steve #robin buckley #fav platonic soulmates #jim hopper #joyce byers #also known as steve's real parents #tw epilepsy #tw seizures #tw absence seizures

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al3x1ss · 4 years

Text

Just a Friend to You

Chapter 5: Sports

“Y/N! COME GIVE MAMA A SMOOCHIE SMOOCH!”

Y/N pushes open the door with a small duffle bag hanging from her right shoulder to see Kaori and Yukie running at her. Yukie jumps on her, hugging her tightly while Kaori hugs her side, squeezing her stomach.

“You guys act like you didn’t see me yesterday.” Y/N says, rolling her eyes but smiling.

“IT FEELS LIKE WE HAVEN’T!”

“PLEASE BECOME MANAGER AGAIN WE ARE SUFFERING!”

At this point, hearing their two managers crying, the boys stop what they were doing, turning to see the “reunion” between the three girls, seeing Y/N smushed between Yukie and Kaori with a bored look on her face.

“Ya know it never gets boring to see them like that.”

Akaashi’s eyes lift to turn towards Bokuto, seeing him still looking ahead at the three. Akaashi turns his head back, once again looking at the girls. He sees Y/N trying to shove them off, laughing in his head but only a small smile appears on the outside.

“Apparently she was practicing really late last night, know anything about that?” Akaashi turns once again to see Bokuto look at him. Looking back at Y/N he remembers last night and all that occurred, slightly praying that his cheeks and ears don’t give any sort of reaction.

“No, why do you ask?”

“Just that she would’ve told you,” Bokuto shrugged, “while I’m your best friend, she’s your BESTEST friend!” Bokuto smiles at Akaashi, Akaashi giving him back a small smile, both boys turning back to see the girls finally off of Y/N’s body.

“Huh, yeah.”

Y/N places her bag by the wall, then walked towards to the bench so see the coach smiling at her.

“Hello again, L/N.”

“Hey coach, so, how are you guys surviving without me?”

“Ugh,” he puts a hand over his heart, acting in pain, “we’re suffering.” Y/N lets out a laugh, a chuckle following from the coaches mouth.

“In all seriousness, they’re doing very well. I’m surprised Bokuto is taking on the captain role so well, along with Akaashi as his right hand man. But, Akaashi is the one to get Bokuto out of his emo mode the quickest.” Coach says, Y/N nodding along, turning to see the boys practicing again doing spiking drills. Bokuto spiked a ball, it hitting the court then flying towards Yukie.

“eY WATCH IT”

“IM SOOOOOORRY YUKIEE”

Kaori started giggling, grabbing the ball and tossing it to Y/N.

“Y/N”

“WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO I THOUGHT I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE RESTING” Y/N whined, stomping her feet like a 3 year old.

“OH BOO HOO SERVING DRILLS, NOW” Kaori said, coming to drag her by the wrist.

“I DONT WANNA” Y/N says, pulling back while everyone watches this unfold. She can hear Konoha basically wheezing at this point, and Yukie smacking something or someone whilst laughing.

Kaori let’s go of Y/N, letting her fall to the ground. She crosses arms and legs, still pouting, when she feels two hands lift her by the armpit.

“Come come.” Y/N struggles, Akaashi basically carrying her like a rag doll, Haruki recording the whole thing while Yamato laid on the gym floor.

Akaashi makes his way to the other side of the court, Y/N still wiggling. He plops her down, her arms crossed and her eyes staring up at him. He looks down at her with a smile, grabbing a stray ball and handing it to her. Y/N let’s out a sigh, her lips finally breaking into a small smile when Akaashi pats her head.

“JESUS AKAASHI WE GET IT WE’RE SINGLE GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKIN SECOND YEAR HAVING A GIRLFRIEND BEFORE I DO!” The pair turns to see Yamato still on the floor.

Y/N and Akaashi separate, a blush basically tap dancing on their faces with how red it was. Akaashi rubs the back of his neck and goes back to his side of the court. Y/N sighs, holding the ball in her left hand.

“You get 5 serves. If you miss any, you’re doing a flying lap. Am I clear?”

“Yes ma’am.”

The boys missed two of the five serves, Bokuto even screaming at one of them, but the boys just grumbled, sucking it up and doing their punishment. Kaori walked up to Y/N with Yukie, placing her arm around the other two girls.

“It’s insane how they still respect you, despite being younger than most of them.”

“You just gotta work them into shape, but they respect you two as well.” Y/N says, leaning her head onto Kaori’s hand.

“I honestly think Y/N puts the fear of god into them since they know she hits as hard as some of them can.” Yukie says, letting out a chuckle.

“Speaking of, what was that with Akaashi?” Y/N turns to the girls quickly, both of them now standing next to eachother smirking, their eyebrows constantly raising.

“THAT was him treating me like a 5 year old.”

“THAT was him basically confessing to you.”

“I-“

Y/N starts to cough, becoming red once again, Yukie and Kaori busting out laughing at the girl. Yukie sighs, grabbing the other girls hand and beginning to walk towards the bench with them.

“You just gotta do it when the time is right, although please sooner than later this is hurting my heart.” Y/N shakes her head, slightly giggling. She stands, signaling that she’s going to go refill her bottle.

As she waits for the bottle to fill, her phone dings.

Practice ended after another hour, the boys now cleaning up. Y/N sat with some chips as coach approached her once again.

“So, how’s your team coming along?”

“Well, their captain is a bitch, but they are confident that they’ll win tomorrow.” Y/N says, smiling up at him at he laughs.

“Maybe I’ll let off practice, let them see how they can actually play if they don’t fool around.” He says, crossing his arms and shaking his head.

“Oh? I guess I never told you about us using the volleyball net as a race line-“

“yOu DID WHAT-“

After a brief scolding from coach, the boys came over, seeing that their old manager definitely still had a knack for giving their coach a headache.

“Practice tomorrow will be cancelled, however, I do suggest you going to see the girls game. Not only should we support them as much as they support us, but also I do want to see this one as a captain. I’m sure the now 2nd and 3rd years do as well.” The boys nodded along with what coach was saying, then turned to face you.

“Y/N!! Are you a super cool captain like me?”

“No.”

“BAHSHFBF” Bokuto’s hair fell while Kaori laughed, Yukie also laughing but trying to cheer up Bokuto by patting his back.

“I’m not a great captain, I do still fall on my ass, but we both are good captains, Bokuto,” Y/N says, walking up to him and holding out her hand, “No matter how many times we fail.”

Bokuto grabbed her hand, pulling her in for a hug, tears starting to form.

“AWWE Y/NNNNN”

“Since when the fuck were you so inspiring?”

“Yeah, usually you’d yell at us or tell yourself to “pick your ass off up the ground and cry about it at therapy.”

“HEY THAT WAS ONE TIME!”

“4 times actually.”

“I- COACH!”

Y/N and Konoha kept bickering, ending up with Konoha in a headlock and Y/N being pried off by Yamato and Akaashi. Y/N huffed, grabbing her bag along with everyone else, and locking up.

As she saw groups of people beginning to leave, she saw Keiji approach her.

“Let me walk you home today?”

“KEJEHTBT”

Y/N heard a squeal, turning to see Kaori repeatedly slapping Yukie’s arm in excitement, sighing, she turned back to face Akaashi with a smile on her face.

“Fine, but my feet hurt so you’re either taking my bag or we walk slow.”

“Or.”

“Or? What do you mean or-“

Akaashi bent over slightly, putting his bag on the ground. Y/N stared at him for a while, him obviously signaling for her to climb onto his back.

“N/N I swear to god you’re gonna give me scoliosis hurry the hell up”

Y/N climbed on, wrapping her legs around his middle and arms around his neck. He had his bag and hers draped across his shoulders as she laid her head on his back.

“Comfy?”

“Yessir, indeed!”

The two kept up chat whenever something came to mind, even showing him the picture Kaori managed to get of you guys while beginning your walk home. After a while, Y/N climbs off his back, only 5 minutes away from her house.

“Akaashi?”

“Yes N/N?” She sighs, brushing hair out of her eyes. While she debated on confessing tonight, a lot of signs were saying that it wasn’t the right time. Y/N could be anywhere with Keiji and it would be magical, but if he liked her back, she’d want it to be memorable for him as well.

“Are you gonna come to the game?”

“Of course, I want to see you spike some poor girls head again.”

“Kaaasshiiii” Y/N whined, swinging his hand in frustration.

“In all seriousness, it would be cool to see you kick someone else’s ass for once.” Y/N scoffed, giving Akaashi a light shove on his shoulder.

“That’s because you deserve it, asshole.” He scoffed back, placing a hand on his chest in offense.

“I’m the asshole?”

“Mhm!”

“Nu-uh!”

“Ya-huh!”

This went on for 3 full minutes. Bystanders stared at the pair arguing like children, meanwhile they looked like they could be college students.

“IT WAS THE OTHER DAY AKAASHI.”

“OH SO WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO PAINT MYSELF GREEN? I AM NOT THE MATERIAL ✨C A S H M O N E Y ✨ Y/N.”

Y/N wheezed, smacking Akaashi’s arm as they walked into her driveway, now realizing how dark it was since they probably took twice as long. Y/N sighed, the last few giggles escaping her lips. She looked at Keiji who had a toothy smile on his face, him already looking at her.

“Thank you for walking me home, Keiji.”

“Anytime, N/N.”

Y/N sighed, turning to walk to her door.

“Y/N?”

This mf better not confess right now it was a really good time-

He lifted his arms, making grabby hands at her, Y/N’s head tilting in confusion. She makes her way back over to him, coming into close proximity. He wraps his arms around her waist, turning to stuff his face into her neck. Y/N tenses up, then relaxes, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“What’s this for, Keij?” Y/N releases Akaashi, looking up at him. He turns, beginning to walk away, but turns back to face her.

“Cuz I’m a lonely bitch, Y/N. Jesus get your mind out of the gutter. Premarital hugging? Never.” Akaashi keeps a straight face, Y/N staring back at him to see who breaks first. However, they break at the same time, laughing loudly once again. After a few seconds, the lights on Y/N’s porch flickers 3 times, signaling its time for her to come in. As she goes to go up the stairs, she runs back to him a third time.

Y/N stands on her tippy toes, kissing Akaashi on the cheek, slowly sinking down.

“Thank you once again, Keiji.”

As she finally starts to go up the stairs, Y/N turns her head to face him once again, giving him a small wave which he returns.

She makes her way into the house, slipping off her shoes and running up to her room, falling backwards on her bed with a huge smile on her face.

“Heh, cute.”

Notes

Y/N likes Akaashi

This is not the first time Yukie has called herself mama Yes Y/N has called herself daddy

The girls attacking eachother was a usual occurrence

Bokuto DOES know that Akaashi was there with her, but just wanted to see what he would say

Coach would make Y/N do serving drills last year so that while she skipped her own practice, she was still practicing

Y/N thought the plural of goose was gooses, hence the GC name

This is not based on a true story please do not call me out I BEG 😀✊

Atsumu flirts with Y/N for fun, nothing serious

Everyone has pet names for Y/N, while Y/N just calls them “gooses” as a collective group

Osamu calls Y/N “doll” because the first movie they watched together was “Captain America: The First Avenger”

Osamu does NOT like Y/N

Y/N did not actually use the net as a race line

Akaashi is a VERY calm person around everyone and around Y/N, but once in a while Akaashi does get on the chaotic levels of Y/N, even if it just for a few minutes

Akaashi walked home with his hand on his cheek

Y/N squealed at 1am, remember Akaashi doing the grabby hands so he could get a hug

Y/N also realized that she had kissed Akaashi on the cheek as a moment of boldness Yes, she called the girls and Kuroo

Back to Masterlist

C. 4 <- C. 5 -> C. 6

Taglist: @winunk @kurushiisaboss @lexysclubhouse @haikyuu-appreciation-club @pumpkiethepie @mint-mai @writingfreakk @tendousfingertape5 @bbyouamazin @navymacaroons @helloalex80 @heavenini @tchalameme @foxxtrot-116 @kageyamasgirl @noya-sleftankle @mariachiii @rory-cakes @sailorstrawberi @iidanotlida @animeflower26 @anngelllla @kneekoteen @reina-de-tay

Leave a message, comment, or an ask if you want to be added!

If you enjoy, please reblog! They help a lot 🖤

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu #haikyuu akaashi #akaashi keiji smau #akaashi smau #akaashi x reader #akaashi keiji x reader #akaashi x reader smau #akaashi keiji x reader smau #haikyuu smau #smau #hq!!#hq!! smau #hq smau #haikyuu oc #akaashi keiji #Just a friend to you

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afoolnottoloveu · 4 years

Text

maybe i’m imagining things ♡

Summary: You don’t really feel like you belong at the BAU just yet (WC: 2.1k) {Masterlist <3}

Pairing: Spencer Reid x gender neutral!Reader

TW: smoking, mentions of death, swearing, mentions of alcohol

A/N: i dont smoke so theres highkey gonna b smth wrong with the description,,, but it just felt right okay, also it was a song reference as well >:(( also, this is for lucy’s fic contest! congrats on 3000 sweetheart <3

Song Pairing: Why Am I Like This? - Orla Gartland

You could remember the feeling, how it started that night at the bar. Despite the conversations of your new team swirling around you, you felt like a stranger. You didn’t think much of it at first, you just thought you were imagining things. You’ll grow into it, you told yourself.

After exactly a year at the BAU, you still couldn’t decisively say you were part of the family. As cases came and went, you felt the same. An outsider. A guest living with a family. You couldn’t blame them, really. As you should, right? They weren’t like this with any of the other newbies; it was you who intruded.

The last case felt no different. It was a family annihilator, and all you could think about were the victims. Unbeknownst to the team, except Aaron, you knew almost exactly what the family of the victims were going through. Your feelings were taking a toll on you, and everything from the jet ride to heading back to the office was a complete daze. Your mind was somewhere far off in the distance, only snapped back by the soft touch of JJ placing her hand on your shoulder before you could walk through the glass doors.

“Are you coming tonight?” She asked as if you already knew of what was happening tonight.

“Uh, w-what’s tonight?”

“We’re going to-”

“O’keefe’s!” Penelope squealed, running out of her batcave with the clicks of heels following.

“Oh, um-” you hesitated, but you remembered how badly you wanted to be a part of their family, and a drink didn’t sound too bad at the moment, “yeah! Yeah, I’ll just meet you guys there alright? M’gonna just grab some stuff.”

“We’ll see you down there!” Penelope bubbled, before sweeping everyone else into the elevator. You gave a small smile and wave, catching Spencer’s gaze just as the doors shut. Maybe you had learned to hide it well after all these years, but for profilers, they really had no idea what was going on inside your head.

You couldn’t help but glance up at Aaron’s office through the glass doors. Everyday you debated if the BAU was really for you, every day for a year, now. Not knowing if this was a mistake or not, you slipped through the bullpen and made a beeline for his office. Relatively quickly, you found the papers you were looking for after a quick search through his cabinets. You didn’t want to have the conversation with Aaron, but he was the only person on this floor with them. You shoved them in your purse, just in case. In case of what? You didn’t know either.

You tried to enjoy yourself, you really did, but your head was just filled to the brim with thoughts you couldn’t bear. The fuzzy, stuffy feeling of the bar would usually help you blend right in, but right now it made you sick. You excused yourself from the table, not like you were part of any of the conversations that were happening anyways, and stepped out.

Through your work blouse and slacks, the October wind nipped at your skin. You opened your purse and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. Your habit started young, smoking being one of the only things that could effectively calm you. Your dad was a smoker, but he really tried his best to stop. He wouldn’t be proud of you for following in his footsteps, but so be it.

Placing the cigarette between your lips and lifting your lighter to the end, you failed to notice someone approaching from behind you.

“6 minutes.”

Startled, you fumbled and dropped your cigarette from your lips and it hit the concrete, causing you to loudly mutter a curse. You whipped around to cuss out whoever made you drop it, but you’re met with the same eyes you saw before the elevator closed.

“Jesus Christ, Spencer. I just lit that!” His expression doesn’t change, so you rummage through your purse pulling out the box of cigarettes once again. “And I know what that means, 6 minutes off my life for every cigarette I light.” Faced towards the street, you tried to light it, but failed. As the wind kept blowing out the tiny flame, you kept trying. “To be frank, 6 minutes isn’t a whole lot of time in the grand scheme of things. It’s like, one less shower. I could live with that I think.”

Still not hearing a reaction from him, you turn his way, naturally. He seems to be finding your purse very interesting, and for a moment you think, is pretty boy gonna rob me?, but you finally realize he can see the bold print title and FBI logo on the papers that you grabbed sticking out from your purse.

“Why?” is all he asked, his voice dripping in devastation. You look up to meet his eyes and there’s a gloss over them that you know too well. “Why would you wanna transfer? The BAU is-”

“-the crown jewel of the FBI. I’ve heard it.” You take the cigarette out of your mouth to reply. Unable to meet his eyes anymore, you fixed your eyes on the street once again, but you minded your voice, careful to not let it crack nor reveal too much, “I can’t explain it, Spencer.”

“I think you can, but you don’t want to.” The hurt in his voice was still evident and you had to wonder, why was it there in the first place? He doesn’t really care, his family’s inside the bar.

You brought the joint back to your lips and tried to light it one last time, and you successfully did so, inhaling the smoke and letting it encase your lungs like a blanket. “It’s just-” A long pause lingers in the air before you come to your senses, removing the cigarette from your lips. Blowing out a cloud, the wind carried the gray smoke down the sidewalk, with your eyes trailing. “You know what? No, nevermind. It’s nothing, Spence. I might not even transfer.”

“You wouldn’t grab the papers unless you were seriously considering it, Y/N,” he huffed, intent on finding out the real reason, “Come on, you were gonna have to tell us at some point. Why not start small? Why are you leaving us?” You were getting frustrated from the simple fact that he was right, and suddenly you were very sick of the cigarette you were holding.

“Fine Spencer, if you wanna know so goddamn bad then I’ll just tell you! I just- the BAU isn’t for me! And it’s not the job, it’s- it’s you! It’s all of you! I can’t be in the same room with all of you for anything other than a debriefing without feeling like I don’t fucking belong! You guys are a family, and I still feel like it’s my day one. If you guys can do this job so well without me, then why shouldn’t- why should I even be here?” You didn’t know when the tear slipped, but they just kept coming, and you were over this cigarette, throwing it to the ground and stomping on it a little too hard.

There was a silence. A cold, heavy silence, filled with nothing more than the gentle breeze, a couple cars passing in the distance and leaves falling. You suppressed your sobs as much as you could and wiped your face repeatedly.

Oh god, you thought, did I really just say that? Fuck, fuck, shit, why am I like this-

“If I asked you to stay,” His voice was soft- you knew your response wasn’t the one he was expecting. All you could do was glance at him, not knowing where he was going with this. “Would you?”

“What’re you talking about?” The words were a whisper, you wouldn’t be surprised if he thought it was just the wind. You genuinely didn’t understand what he meant, but in your head, you had already answered his question.

“Y/N, I--I just wanna talk, okay? Can you listen? Is that alright?” His voice was comforting, and with the way you were feeling, it was music to your ears. It reminded you of the way he spoke to children, but you were just too damn exhausted to call him out on it; so you nodded, but you kept your eyes on the street in front of you, watching a taxi pass by.

“You know, when I first asked you ‘why?’ a few minutes ago, when I was saying that the BAU was the crown jewel of the FBI? Well, that wasn’t what I was going to say at all. I was gonna say that the BAU is where you belong, Y/N. We don’t only want you to stay, we need you to stay. You were the one who talked down that unsub today. You can defend yourself better than almost any of us. You treat us like family, with the coffee every Wednesday and checking on all of us regularly. We notice these things, Y/N. Do you? Because it’s almost like it’s second nature to you.”

You had to take several deep breaths before you could gather yourself enough to respond; you closed your eyes as you spoke. “Do you know why I so badly want to be so close to all of you? My- my parents were both killed by- by a sociopath. I was 15. I started smoking then. My aunt took me in and I lived with my cousins. They were closer to each other than to me, though. I- I don’t know, I had a family, I guess. I mean, my aunt and her two daughters were my family, but- I don’t know, I’m not making sense.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t know that at all, I thought they were your sisters. I get it. Well, I don’t, but I know what you’re trying to say. You didn’t have one as a teenager, but you have one now. Everyone inside of that bar thinks of you as their family. I know you don’t see it, but I can assure you that they do.”

You forgot your eyes were closed. They opened to the touch of Spencer’s hand on your arm, and there he was, standing in front of you. You wanted to cry more, but the sight of Spencer in front of you made you smile and your heart swell. You knew every word that left his mouth was genuine, full of love and understanding. You rushed forward and hugged him, burying your face in his chest. He wrapped his arms around you and cradled your head. It was almost funny, you were sure this was the most you had touched the germaphobe like, ever.

Into his sweater you sniffled and mumbled, “What about you Spencer?”

He pulled away from the hug, both of you still clinging to the other, but enough to have to look in each other’s eyes. He tilted his head as if he were asking what you meant.

“Do you- are we family?”

His only response was an airy chuckle and a swift, soft peck to your forehead. Huh, that’s new. You weren’t saying you didn’t like it though, no, not at all. He pulled you back into the hug and said into your hair “We don’t have to talk about that right now. But honestly? I think of you as something else, Y/N/N.”

And that was okay. The warmth of his breath on your hair and his sweater wrapping you neatly like a gift, it was more than okay.

Spencer led you back into the bar after you had fixed your makeup. Luckily, the wind actually helped to dry your tears pretty quickly. The team was gathered around the table, blocking something from your sight. As the two of you approached, you heard Penelope say “Oh, oh oh! They’re here! Y/N’s here!”

The rest of the team turns to you and in front of you, JJ is holding out a red velvet cupcake with a candle in it. “Happy one year!” The team cheered as a chorus. Your eyes widened and your face lit up. Your shock rendered you almost speechless.

“How’d you remember? Oh my gosh, you guys!” you smiled. With everyone egging you on, you blew the candle out, causing an array of cheers and claps.

“Honestly, some of us didn’t. But you know who did remember?” Morgan commented with a wink. You turned to see Spencer scratching his neck, smiling down at you, the look making your heart swell just a lil’ bit more.

You grabbed his arm and pulled him over with you to the table, the team clearing a spot for the two of you. Conveniently, shots for everyone had already been poured out, readily awaiting your consumption. You grabbed the shot glass and raised it towards the middle of the table.

“To family,” you beamed. Maybe I was just imagining things.

Taglist (send an ask to be added): @prettyboy-reid @eusuntgroot @veraiconcos (congrats on 3k again!)

#vicficwriterchallenge #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid #criminal minds #cm #mgg #mgg x reader #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid angst #theas originals

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omegawolverine · 4 years

Note

Plesse tell me about queerness in the get down!!

okay okay queerness in the get down let's fuckn goooo

disclaimer: I havent watched this show in full for like 5 months at least, probably gonna get something wrong and/or forget some more important bits. also this wasnt proof read I just word vomited

tws: period typical homophobia, abuse mention, f slur use, bury your gays trope, overdose mention, mention of a creepy possible age gap (the age gap hasnt been confirmed so that's why its possible), cops

going from least to most prominent queer characters, let's start with mylene cruz!

so, from the beginning of this show she has an established romantic relationship with ezekiel (although the status of their actual relationship changes frequently throughout the show) and though this was a relationship she was hesitant to pursue, it is clear that she does have romantic feelings for him and if not for them both having growing careers in very different music genres (zeke specifically working in a genre that she repeatedly labels as bad because she thinks they're ruining records + that it isnt real music because they're using someone elses piece and rapping over it, that's not really important here tho lol) they probably wouldve had a much healthier, smooth sailing romance. that being said theres a few things that happen in the show that, while not explicitly clear, or even really good coding at that—to the point where you wont catch if you really arent looking for it (and trust me, I always look for coding, hers was just so little that it flew over my head until I saw someone else mention it)—are still cool to think about!

so, for starters, I wanna mention the toy box performance, which was performed by mylene and regina, who are best friends. that's all cool and shit, and you dont really think much about it...until you hear about the fact that the show runners purposely colored a lot of the scenes in that performance with the bi colors. like. the writers after the show ended basically said "oh yeah there was plans to make her coding more explicit, but our shit got cancelled soooo" and then dropped the fact that she was gonna be bi (or at least implies bi) in the series, which puts a new twist on a few things.

now, besides the bi coloring in the background of the toy box performance (which was mostly on scenes with her and regina, which involved a lot of uh,, lowkey lewd dancing. with each other. in very revealing outfits. wooooo), there's her music! I dont tend to read too much into this one bc, like I said before, her coding is fucking light and the writers themselves said they didnt really get to do much with it, but I think some stuff with her music is interesting. specifically how her, yolanda and regina's song set me free blew up because dizzee, resident (lowkey enby coded) bicon, got their song played in a queer club. also that the song was majorly important to dizzee and started playing literally right as he kissed a boy for the first time and realized "oh shit I like boys that's bonkers". also that the song can be taken in a gay way since literally the entire thing is about becoming your true self, fully and unapologetically, which is what both dizzee and mylene's entire character arcs are about. dizzee (and a lot of other queer people, apparently), heard this song about being set free and it resonated with them so much that they got that shit most of its popularity.

speaking of dizzee and mylene, they parallel each other a lot in the way that their arcs are about them realizing who they are, coming into themselves and no longer just letting people treat them like shit in a sense (dizzee starting to tell people essentially that they can call him weird all they want, they can make fun of how he acts, what he likes, how he dresses, etc. but he likes how he is and quite literally saying "it's okay to be an alien" as he has consistently compared himself to one throughout the show vs mylene learning that if she wants to be a disco singer she needs to put her foot down, not let anyone, not even the love of her life, not even her abusive father, stop her from achieving her dreams, etc. and continuing to pursue her career with or without their support). one more little parallel that I think is interesting is during I think s2 towards the end of the show is when dizzee and thor are shown together having fun with each other, painting all over the building and each other and are basically just being happy and in love together and then they have these clips of them being interspersed with clips of mylene at a party where she is starting to realize that if she wants to get anywhere she needs to be her own main priority and that she needs to put her career and her dream, which is what makes her the happiest, above all else if she wants to succeed. idk I just think how the show made these two into a weird parallel, accidental or not, is neat. maybe not an explicitly queer parallel, but I think at least how her music and whatnot helped dizzee, the main queer character in this show, blossom, is important.

moving on we got shaolin fantastic also known as "oh no your internalized homophobia is showing-"

so, heres a quick list of...interesting shao facts:

Consistently referred to as fag/faggot (shaolin fanfaggot is my personal favorite); he gets really defensive about this despite nobody actually thinking he's queer, it's just people being assholes to be assholes, and he is the only character consistently referred to using a slur, especially a homophobic one, especially for a "straight" character. dizzee, a canonically queer character, is called a fag less than shaolin is even though dizzee actively goes to gay clubs, has a not so secret dude he "hangs out with" and wont let anyone properly meet, paints his nails, wears less than straight clothes even by the 70s standards and is just all around the definition of fucking queer (and I mean like in the weird way, not the gay way). in fact theres only like once I can remember him being called a fag and it had nothing to do with him actually being gay it was literally just like thrown out there the same way you would call someone a bitch.

Has only shown sexual interest in women, yet refuses to have deeper relationships with women in general (possibly because of trauma but who knows) but takes his relationships with his "brothers", specifically zeke, very seriously

Tells zeke and zeke ONLY his real name when zeke was planning to stop being his friend bc shao more or less got boo boo, a like 14 year old black kid, arrested for selling hard drugs; he was clearly scared and trying to do anything to keep zeke around, literally chasing him down the street and hounding him until he got zeke to stop and argue with him

Kept threatening to beat up zeke in the end but couldn't actually bring himself to do so, instead saying that zeke is "fucking lucky" before walking away

Let's zeke get away with things that nobody else can, in general just has a weird soft spot for ezekiel that he shows with nobody else

when shao found dizzee with thor in a vaguely compromising situation (like they were just shirtless covered in paint sleeping next to each other but shao had also seen everything they painted on the walls ((which some of it was sus)), it was clear they had painted on each others bodies and dizzee had been routinely disappearing with this guy for weeks now yet not producing nearly as much art, at least, as far as we audience members know) he didnt judge him but instead, waited for him to get cleaned up and then told him something along the lines of "theres a reason why im so secretive blah blah blah [not everyone needs to know everything about me]", which, in context, kinda implies that he might be a lil. a lil homiesexual. jus a lil.

whenever even the possibility of zeke leaving him comes up he absolutely loses it. he has literally cost ezekiel life changing opportunities because he thought zeke would just up and leave him for them. this could be abandonment issues bc he's a severely traumatized character, and that probably does contribute to it, but it also is just not a reaction he has to any of their other friends just randomly dipping in and out of his life soooooo

generally speaking, this mfer has got either bisexual with a big hard on for zeke coding or homosexual with terrible internalized homophobia and still a hard on for zeke coding. either fucking way, that nigga gay. he gay as hell. gay as fuck man. there wasn't really much to analyze here tbh bc the coding is just so fucking obvious if you look for it or you are/have been a gay person who's dealt with at least a little bit of internalized homophobia.

also, just a sidenote, idk how fucking old shao, but I'm praying hes like at max 19 bc I'm pretty sure zeke is a minor in this show and shao definetly is not so the whole him being heavily implied to have a crush on ezekiel thing is kinda. oof. not oof if zeke is like 17 but any younger than that? OOF.

edit: apparently the characters are only supposed to be a year apart in age but i had no clue about that before writing this post and since shaos age was never actually stated in the show i naturally assumed he was an adult since his actor Looks Like An Adult. this is definetly on me to a certain extent, but i also never saw anything about this when trying to find our their ages so 🤷‍♀️ maybe i just didnt look deep enough, sorry!

now moving on to the main event...marcus dizzee kipling :]

so, first things first, let's talk enby coding bc him being bisexual was already confirmed!

um, to start off, I just wanna say I dont think this enby coding was intentional or even really coding, it's just moreso me being a dizzee kin on main and knowing as a transmasc enby he has very transmasc enby vibes. for example:

cool, gender neutral nickname that everyone calls him

paints nails various different colors

the whole wardrobe is just a transmasc enby heaven...fishnet shirts, jean overalls, jackets and cuffed pants galore, the big colorful pins, etc

gender neutral hairstyle (when I had my fro it was very sexy and made it easy to transition between hyper masc and vaguely fem, which is pog)

comparing himself to/representing himself consistently with an alien character (though this is meant to represent his sexuality, it could also double as a gender thing too, not neccesarily bc of the whole nonbinary alien trope but bc an enby who likes aliens might heavily identify or compare themselves to whatever their idea of an alien is, whether that just be a genderless entity or a motherfucker with fly style and no need to be perceived as anything other Wacky As Hell)

moving on from there, let's talk about how his queerness is presented to us and how, while it may be a really good piece of representation, especially coming from netflix, it still lacks in A Lot of places.

so, let's start with good things!

i personally really like the get down's queer rep with dizzee bc it's (for the most part) nonsexualized and very very soft, about dizzee figuring himself out and realizing there is a place where he fits in, and about two teenagers in the 70s falling in love over their shared passion for street art. it also features an interracial couple where both boys challenge stereotypes both about queer men and men of color, which is epic poggers and very sexy. this piece of rep specifically is very important to me bc I am a queer black person and even tho interracial relationships are mostly normalized now, I've still had people give me shit for primarily dating white people in a town that is...primarily white lol

mm anyways, I can also appreciate how in the get down, dizzee being represented by rumi the alien is not a thing specifically related to gender (as it often is) and instead is about his sexuality and just in general weirdness and how it has led to him being alienated amongst his peers, poc or otherwise. him seeing himself as an alien is not about just his queerness, which is important, it is about him being a queer black man who talks different, acts different, dresses different and is "soft"—he isnt a walking black male stereotype and he wouldnt have been seen as masculine back in the 70s by any stretch of the imagination. this can be relatable to a wide spectrum of queer poc, from queer black men currently who still have to deal with this shit or to people like myself who are afab neurodivergent mixed race enbies that have always been signaled out as weird and alienated for it. dizzee is god rep bc while he has a small part in this show, his parts are very impactful, hard hitting and show queer poc of all ages that they arent alone and that it's okay to "weird", you just need to embrace it because somebody will love you for you, as thor did for dizzee.

that being said theres um. some minor problemas here,,,

namely:

dizzee and thors first kiss

the lack of development this pairing got

the way dizzee was confirmed bisexual off screen, he never said the words himself, just showed interest in both genders

the way dizzee and thor were never even confirmed boyfriends or just fwb so most of the fandom just calls them boyfriends bc Why Not

dizzee was implied fucking DEAD??? AT THE END OF THE SERIES?????? AND THOR WAS IMPLIED ARRESTED?????????????

now, these might have been things that wouldve been fine had the show been given it's full run but it wasnt which is why we are now left with probelms.

so, from the top, let's go over these: dizzee and thor's first (and only "on screen") kiss was one that was shown in a montage of other queer people making over and doing other vaguely romantic/sexual things, one of those things being a whole ass naked titty being mouthed at, but the actual kiss...was just not shown? like they really did just say "yes they kissed <3 you know this from the context clues of it being in a montage with kissing, hickey giving and titty sucking <3 but no we will not show it <3" LIKE HELLO? I SAW A NAKED BOOBIE BUT NOT TWO MEN KISS??? HUH????????

also, dizzee and thor were both fucking high as hell during this bit like this isnt a terrible thing but it's also like sometimes you do shit when you're high that you wouldnt do sober and they just never kissed again on screen so like?? like idk that's not that bad but it does kinda irk me since they deadass got no other on screen intimacy after that unless you including painting on eacher other or sleeping next to each other on a shitty mattress but not touching at all during it bc they were both at opposite ends of the mattress like half way off it

so yeah, that was trash. then we got lack of development, which kinda goes with the "dizzee being a bisexual but he never says it in canon" thing cause like...okay dizzee was already sort of a side character from the get go like he wasnt the mc by any means, but he became way more of a background character as things continued until we basically only saw him for performances or when he was with thor, yet they got no fucking development as a pairing other than "dizzee realize he gay, he like thor, he and thor spend time together and ig probably do some gay stuff but we dont really know bc we only ever see them do graffiti together now" like?? tf am I supposed to do with that shit. answer. quickly. and then theres dizzee not being confirmed bisexual, which is just a running problem with shows literally doing everything to say a character is bi except for having the character just...say they're bi? which would be so easy? like a good way dizzee and thor couldve had some development is by thor teaching dizzee things about the queer community that he didnt even know existed, thor couldve helped him understand what being bi meant and helped him label himself and whatnot but instead we got an off screen confirmation that the writers had bisexual in mind when writing him. which is garbagé.

the whole thor and dizzee never having a confirmed relationship status is also a development problem cause like literally nobody knows if they were just friends who made out, maybe fucked, who knows, or if they were dating bc dizzee does give a love confession but a love confession doesn't mean there is a relationship, especially since thor didn't say he was in love either (as far as I remember, I could be wrong, plus whether or not that really happened or was apart of dizzee literally overdosing during a performance is unclear so 🤪)

and now for the biggest issue...bury your gays trope.

during the season 2 finale, dizzee and thor are chased by cops after they are found doing graffiti, one of the cops is able to catch thor while the other chases dizzee into a train tunnel and there is a train seen headed straight for him before the show cuts to black on a train horn. the show writers claim that if they had gotten another season, dizzee wouldve been alive but since they didnt and since that's essentially super fan trivia knowledge, most people dont fucking know that and instead had to watch a black queer teenager chose death over being fucking arrested by a white cop. on top of that, thor didnt see any of that shit because he was caught and the cop started hauling him off while dizzee was still being chased so thor literally has no clue where his friend/possible boyfriend fucking is or that he's likely dead in a goddamn tunnel all alone, unless you count the fucking pig that chased him in there who wouldve died too. this shows rep was so fucking good as far as most shows go on not having major fucking problems, on not being toxic and over sexualized, etc, etc. and then they just. killed a black queer teenager for no fucking reason. like it was literally the last episode ever, it would add nothing to the plot, it would just devastate fans and devastate it fucking did. I dont cry easy but seeing a character I identified with, who I had hyperfixated on, die because he'd rather that than be arrested is terrible. it fucking sucked.

so yeah. that's my all too extensive thoughts/analysis on the get down's queerness. theres definitely stuff I missed, or misinterpreted, or looked too much into, etc, etc., but this was a fun thing to spend time writing sooo yeah!! thanks for the ask anon, sorry this was just a big rambley info dump, but hopefully you get some enjoyment out of it since it took like 3 hours at least 😭😭 feel free to ask clarifying questions lol

#shit self #asks #the get down #mylene cruz #shaolin fantastic #dizzee kipling #long post #analysis #info dump #idk if anon has seen tgd or is just being nice so i tried givinh background to things #kinz #bangerz #discourse

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twink-appreciation-posts · 4 years

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Lashing Out - Spencer Reid x Reader

chapter nine of “all bets are off”

the first rule of sleeping with a coworker is DONT FUCKING SLEEP WITH YOUR COWORKER

warnings: ANGST, plot-heavy set up for next chapter which will have zero plot, seriously this chapter is important to the plot but the next one is gonna be very nsfw and pretty much skippable if it’s too much for u guys but THIS CHAPTER IS IMPORTANT and also kinda short sorry

“What the fuck were you talking to Rossi about?”

The words may have come out a bit more aggressively than you had intended, and maybe a bit too loud, but you were barely keeping it together. You were standing at Spencer’s desk, foot-tapping nervously, eyes darting around the room to your coworkers.

“What? Nothing,” Spencer replied quickly. “Just typical Rossi stuff.”

“What does the even mean?” You whisper-yelled. “Did he…. did he hear something?”

Spencer let out a sigh. “I… I don’t know. All he asked was where we had gone. I told him we were looking for old files. I’m sure it’s fine.”

Perfect. Yeah, you were sure that Rossi totally bought his story, right? No way. He knew. He had to have known. “You think he believes that? Spencer, how can you be so nonchalant about this? What we did was totally unprofessional. We could be fired.”

Spencer finally looked up at you and met your eyes. “We’re not going to be fired. Even if Rossi does know, he’s not going to tell anyone, and he wouldn’t get us fired over it. You’re right, what we did was risky, but it was a calculated risk and nothing bad is going to come of it. You trust me, don’t you?” He spoke methodically, without much emotion, like he would have explained any other random fact or statistic. You hated it. How could he be so calm? How could he not care?

“Nothing bad?” You quoted back at him, rolling your eyes. “Best case scenario is that Rossi knows and doesn’t say anything about it. That still means that someone on our team that I trust and look up to knows that I fucked someone in a backroom during work. I don’t wanna even think about the lack of respect he must have for me now. Do you really not care what he thinks?”

He considered your point for a moment. You weren’t even sure what you wanted him to say. An apology would mean nothing and empathy wouldn’t help your situation either. “Sexual relationships with coworkers are more common than you’d think, according to some studies up to 40 percent of people reported having some form of intimate relationship with a coworker in their life. Plus, it’s Rossi. I’m sure he’s done wilder things-“

“I don’t care what Rossi has done! I don’t care what 40 percent of people have done. I care what I’ve done. I care what we’ve done. Sleeping with you is one thing, but doing it repeatedly and doing it at work is crossing a line. This was a mistake. All of it was a mistake. I don’t know why the hell I let you drag me into this… whatever this is. I feel so fucking stupid.” Your emotions were getting the better of you, you knew that. It was as much your own fault as it was Spencer’s and crying about it wouldn’t help. But you did feel dumb. You felt dumb for a lot of reasons.

Spencer opened his mouth to reply, but he was cut short by Hotch calling a team meeting. Great. Just what you needed. You walked away from his desk, making a promise to yourself:

’I’m never having sex with Spencer Reid ever again.’

The rest of the day was typical other than the fact that you couldn’t find it in you to speak to or make eye contact with Spencer or Rossi.

It was definitely obvious to everyone else that something was up. That was the downside of working with profilers: even the smallest change of behavior was enough of a tip for them to notice.

As you packed up your stuff for the day Rossi approached you. You forced your best ‘nothing is wrong’ smile as he spoke.

“I’m having dinner party at my place this Saturday,” he explained. “Everyone’s invited. It’s my duty to teach you folks how to make a real carbonara.”

“Ah, yeah!” You nodded, still avoiding his gaze. “I’ll be there.”

“Great! See you then.”

The rest of the work week was miserable at best, but it’s not like you were particularly looking forward to the weekend either. Dinner at Rossi’s sounded peachy keen until you considered the fact that it meant awkwardly avoiding friends for an extra day. You would’ve felt bad not showing up, though, so Saturday evening you were sitting in Rossi’s kitchen watching him cook. Everyone but Spencer was there, but you were assured he’d be showing up. You secretly hoped he wouldn’t.

30 minutes into your cooking class there was a knock at the door.

“I got it!” JJ left the kitchen and returned with Spencer at her side.

“Sorry I’m late,” he smiled sheepishly.

“What was more important than this? You have a date or something?” Derek teased him. Spencer shook his head and turned red.

Wait. Had he…? No. No way. And even if he had, what did it matter to you?

“If Spencer had a lady friend I’d expect we’d never know, anyway.” Emily chuckled. “He’s not the bragging type unlike some of us here.” She elbowed Derek playfully. You frowned. Why did this upset you?

You dared to glance towards Spencer only to see that he had already been looking at you. Oh fuck. You turned your head back towards Rossi immediately, sighing. Spence took the only free seat, which was conveniently next to yours, and put down his bag.

“Well now that we’re all here,” Rossi popped open a bottle of wine, “let’s toast!”

You had a surprisingly fun night. You even talked to Spencer and Rossi a bit, forcing down any embarrassment. At the end of the night you had mostly resolved your issues internally, and you realized that you might’ve been a bit too cold to Spencer during the week. So you made the adult decision that you were going to apologize. As you walked out of Rossi’s house, sorry mansion, you pulled Spencer to the side. “Can we talk?” You asked quietly.

“Of course,”

So you went on a bit of a walk.

“I, um, I just wanted to say I’m sorry for being such a bitch to you this week. And before you say I wasn’t, it’s okay. I know I was. It was just as much my fault as it was yours that everything went down the way it did. It was a two-way street and I just didn’t wanna take responsibility for my own actions.” Your eyes were glued to the ground, twiddling your fingers nervously.

“It’s okay,” Spencer reassured you with a smile. “You were under a lot of stress and I understand why you’d lash out.”

You nodded, relieved that he wasn’t upset with you, though you knew he probably wouldn’t be. He wasn’t the type to get mad about stuff like this.

“Well, if that’s what you were worried about, don’t sweat it.” He told you when you stayed silent. He began to walk back towards his car.

“There was something else, actually…” You stuttered out. Spencer paused, turning on his heel and locking eyes with you.

You opened your mouth to speak but the words caught in your throat. You took a moment. Composed yourself. This was stupid. Why were you even asking? But now if you didn’t say anything it would be even weirder. Fuck. You really were a dumbass. “Did you uh, actually come late because you were on a date?” You mentally face-palmed. What a stupid fucking question.

Spencer chuckled. “No. I didn’t. I was writing a letter to my mom.” He explained, and for some reason, you felt relief wash over you. You laughed a bit. You had gotten all worked up over nothing. “Why do you ask?”

Your face fell. How were you supposed to answer that when you weren’t fully sure of the answer yourself? I mean, you could guess, sure, but in the end, you were lost. The question had just been plaguing you all night. That’s why you asked. “I don’t know. I guess I was just curious.” You shrugged. It wasn’t a lie. You had been curious.

“Fair enough. I’ll see you Monday.” Spencer began to walk away again and your brain began to buzz with too many thoughts to keep track of, but one was repeating at top volume, a desperate reminder of the rule you had set.

I’m never having sex with Spencer Reid ever again. I’m never having sex with Spencer Reid ever again. I’m never having sex with Spencer Reid ever again.

But despite the voice in your head screaming at you, besides your attempts to be reasonable about things, even though every inch of your rational brain was saying let him walk away, you spoke. Words flying out of your mouth before you could catch them. “Or maybe I was jealous.”

You thought maybe he didn’t hear you because he didn’t react at first. Maybe that was for the best. But your hopes were soon shattered when he turned around, looking at you with a mix of desire and confusion. Regret washed over you. God, you wished he hadn’t heard.

You stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, both plotting your next move, weighing your options. How much weight did your words carry? How would he take them?

You took a step towards him, and he did the same, and you were close enough to lean forward and put your lips on his and fuck did you want to but you shouldn’t and you knew that it would only make things worse in the end but at the moment you didn’t care and now it was too late because his lips were on yours before you could find the strength to walk away.

You didn’t know who leaned in. You didn’t care. It had been less than a week since your last encounter with him but you were starved and so was he. Whatever fucked up toxic thing that kept you two coming back to each other was too strong to fight and god the feeling of being with him like this was intoxicating. You pulled back eventually, needing to breathe, and you hated it. You wanted more.

“Where are you headed after this?” You asked breathlessly.

“I don’t know. Where do you want me to go?” He replied, eyes searching yours.

You gulped, swallowing down your self-respect and pride. Maybe Spencer had always been right. You needed him. You needed whatever this mess was. “I’ll see you at my place, then?”

“I’ll see you at your place.”

You parted ways with Spencer and walked to your car in silence, your mantra still ringing in your ears.

’I’m never having sex with Spencer Reid ever again.’

taglist <3

@101donuts @annestine @spideyboix @babybloomer @welcome-to-hoeville @eldahae @brokenanxiety @andiebeaword @spencerwaltergubler @la-vie-en-amour1 @rainsong01 @taekwinkle @dreamer7black @guessthatswhyiliveinhell @creepingfromthecorners @joyousreid @slutforthegubes @cluelessnitwhit @idfkijustneedafuckinguser @downondilaudid @screeching-student-unknown @gretaamyk @thegingerfairchild

#all bets are off #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid smut #spencer reid x reader smut #spencer reid angst #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #criminal minds #criminal minds smut #criminal minds angst

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words-for-holland · 4 years

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Quarantine Series: The Birthday Week

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: It’s Tom’s Birthday Week! So much planning, food, and surprises....and a special promise from our favorite Q.S. Couple.

A/N: It’s been long overdue...Is it too late to say Happy Belated Tom?! 🥺

A/N: Happier Part 3 comes out this weekend!!

Check the Rest: Burnt Out | A New Look | Secret Cuts & Kisses | Breaking Friendships

May 25, 2020 (T-Minus 7 Days)

An almost average Monday. Its the start of Tom’s Birthday Week and Y/N is trying her best to get ahead of the game and prep up for an over-the-top birthday party for her boyfriend. Well as over-the-top as it can get when you’re stuck in Quarantine because...well...Covid.

The only problem, she didnt know where to start. What party to throw, games to play, food to make, playlist to create, and above all the gift. This year Y/N wanted to give Tom something that held a lot of sentimental value to represent all the love she had for him. While Y/N was lucky enough to have someone like Tom to spoil her and show her just how much she meant to him, she wanted to do the same for Tom. So, she went to the spare room, which had now become her new work space and started googling away.

May 26, 2020 (T-Minus 6 Days)

The next day, Tom and the boys went out for their daily Golf match, while Y/N stayed behind to continue party planning. She made sure to be discreet about it and pretended that she had to take care of a few things for work. In reality, Y/N facetimed her best friend, on advice of what to get Tom for his 24th.

“C’mon Im serious Nico. I want to give him something special this year.” Y/N groaned when she knew her best friend wasn’t giving her the answers she wanted.

“Im sorry, Y/N. I dont know what you could give him. You’ve know him better than anyone else.” Nico reasoned, as Y/N continued her helpless groans, banging her head on the table. “Look Im sure what ever you come up with, Tom is going to love it no matter what.”

“But that’s the problem I don’t know what I can come up with. Our first year together I got him clothes, last year it was golfing gear, I don’t know how I can top that.” Y/N continued to stare at the desk picking up and dropping her pencil repeatedly. “I just know that I want it to be something he can always look back at and know that I’ll always be there for him.”

“Wow. You really like this kid don’t ya?” Nico questioned, but of course she knew the answer to that...anyone did.

“Yeah...more than anything.” Y/N smiles back as she thinks about Tom.

“Well what about a promise ring?” Y/N’s ears perk up at the suggestion.

“Like uhhh a men’s promise ring? Do they even make promise rings for men?” She questions, though isn’t opposed to the idea.

“No, Im talking about a donkey’s promise ring.” Nico rolls her eyes. “It’d be cute and not to mention empowering because you’d be making the first move. Empowering women is super attractive.”

Y/N stops to give it some thought. It would be cute to have a ring for him and see him wear it everywhere knowing he would carry a symbol of her love. Of course it’s nothing like the real thing when couples get married and all, but it’s a step toward that direction. “Ill think about it.” She says.

May 27, 2020 (T-Minus 5 Days)

Y/N had finally given the idea a good 8 hours when she decided to find the ring. She scrolled through pages and pages to find the ring but none of them spoke to her or looked like it was meant for Tom. The more she scrolled the more anxious she got, slowly biting ther thumb nail as she continued.

“You know if you’re gonna do birthday shopping for someone in the house, the kitchen might not be the best place to do it.” A deep british voice popped up from behind.

Y/N shrieked and jumped, quickly closing her laptop, afraid she had already ruined the surprise. Until she turned around and saw it was just Harrison. “Ugh, was it reallg necessary to do that?” She whined. “You almost gave me a heart attack.”

“Of course wheres the fun in simply asking what you’re doing.” He laughed, pulling a chair next to Y/N as he watched her scroll through pages or rings. His smile growing ever so slightly. Y/N looked at him with suspicion.

“Okay I know that smile...clearly you know something I don’t.” She states. “Is this a bad idea?”

Harrisons smile dropped quickly as he profusely shook his head. “What? What? No...I just uhh — actually yeah the rings are not a good idea.” He blabbers. Y/N looks at him, waiting for Harrison to continue. “I mean think about it. If you buy a ring for Tom and he starts wearing it everywhere. People are gonna suspect that he’s getting married or worse find out about your relationship. I don’t know if you wanna risk that.”

Harrison was lucky to be a gifted actor as he improv-ed his answers on the spot in hopes that Y/N did not find him to be too suspicious. If she called his bluff and found out, Tom would make sure Harrison would never see the light of day. “You should go for this necklace. I think it suits him and has a touch of your style.” Harrison points out to a necklace he truthfully thought she should get him. With that, he quickly left Y/N to be on her own in gift shopping.

May 28, 2020 (T-Minus 4 Days)

Y/N’s planning was 70% in the clear. The necklace was ordered, Sam was helping out in planning the food, Harrison and Tuwaine were arranging the golf diversion plan, and Harry was keeping Tom busy making sure he wasnt suspecting anything. Although that didn’t stop Tom from bothering his girlfriend a couple of hours of the day. How could he not, the boy missed his girl.

“Y/N..” Tom cooed as he wrapped his hands around her, kissing a small part of her shoulder. “Can you take a break from whatever arts and crafts thing you got going on and cuddle with me?” He continued as he placed another kiss.

“Babe, I’d love to more than anything but I wanna finish this up so I can at least accomplish one thing during Quarantine.” She explains.

“You accomplish a lot of things darling, and you can accomplish another if you just come and cuddle with your needy boyfriend, who happens to be turning 24....in 4 days.” He hinted, places kisses by ear.

“Oh and I suppose that gives you special treatment?” Y/N challenges, letting out giggles as Tom continued to kiss where she was ticklish the most.

“I would hope so. Now, what do you say?” He smiles at her, placing the small strand of black hair behind her ear.

“Okay you win.” She whispers.

May 29, 2020 (T-Minus 3 Days)

Tom and Harry were busy hosting the Pub Quiz, while Y/N and Harrison took the time to create the decorations for Tom’s party. The theme... Spiderman, but what else was new. Harrison drew up webs and spiders on the deflated red and blue ballooms, stashing them in a paper bag to be inflated the day of. Y/N started on the birthday pub quiz answer sheets, customizing them to have that personal touch of Tom. Everything was going smoothly until, she needed more glue.

“Crap, Im gonna check the closet. I think we have a few spare sticks of hot glue.” Y/N stated, as she got up.

Harrison eyes started to display signs of panic as he quickly got up and raced her to it, guarding the closet door. “Uh...there’s no more. I already checked.” He squeaked.

Y/N raised her one eyebrow in suspicion. “I’m pretty sure there’s a couple.” She fired back, trying to pry Harrison off the closet. “C’mon Harrison. This isn’t funny.”

“I think it is.” Harrison continued to stall. Y/N rolled her eyes, coming closer to him, wiggling her fingers. She tickled his sides, knowing it was his weak spot. His grip started to loosen as he let out fits of giggles. Y/N took the opportunity to quickly open the closet, and grab her glue sticks. She looked around to find if anything was suspicious or worth hiding, but there was nothing.

“You know...you’re acting really weird.” Y/N stated as she walked back to the table to continue her project. Once she was out of Harrison’s sight, he quickly texted Tom about the dilemma. Only to receive:

Time to find a new spot then.

May 30, 2020 (T-Minus 2 Days)

It was Tom & Y/N’s turn to wash the dishes after dinner. The irony both had no clue what one was planning for the other. They were always the type to be truthfully honest to each other, but a few little playful secrets couldn’t hurt. “So, is it just me or is Harrison acting really...strange?” She asked her boyfriend. Tom looked at her, pretending to not know what she was talking about.

“Umm..not sure. He seemed fine to me....Why? What’s happened?” Tom asked casually, focusing on the dishes.

“You know for someone that’s really good at acting, you’re a terrible liar.” Y/N laughed out loud, only to get splashed with water. “Touche. But seriously, he gets so nervous around me. Like someone’s out to get him if I do something he doesn’t expect. I wanted to get glue sticks yesterday in the closet and he straight up guarded the door, saying I wasn’t allowed....in out own closet?! I swear it’s like he’s hiding something in there.”

“Haz, you div.” Tom muttered under his breath.

“What was that babe?”

“Uhh nothing. I was just saying Harrison is a piece of work. Even I couldn’t tell you why he was acting like that.” He lied.

“Uh..huh.” Y/N responded, not buying anything but rather just letting it be.

Tom placed the dishes on the rack, while he came up behind his girlfriend, huggling her tightly from behind. “It’s whatever. But, lets just go back to our room, lay under the sheets, watch some Netflix....have a good time.” He smirked, kissing her temple. “And just cuddle like there’s no one watching.”

“Mmmm. Now that sounds like a plan.” She whispers pulling him to their room.

May 31, 2020 (T-Minus 1 Day)

Y/N only had 1 day left to prepare everything for Tom’s big day. She made sure to stay on top of everyone’s tasks and prepped her gifts for Tom tomorrow. Y/N was extremely proud of everything and everyone that was taking part of her little project. A rare sight anyone would ever see, but the most thing she was proud of was how secretive they were able to keep it that Tom didnt suspect a single thing.

“So, got anything planned for tomorrow?” Tom asked Y/N as she was cooking pancakes.

“Mmm I dont know. Am I supposed to have something to do tomorrow?” She teases.

“Well..” He starts as he takes the spatula out of her hands. “I hear it this div’s birthday tomorrow.” Tom grabs Y/N’s waist, picking her up and placing her on the counter. “And I hear he just wants to spend it with his girls all day long.” Y/N’s legs locked around Tom’s waist as he continues his not-so-obvious birthday wish.

“Oh there’s gonna be more than one girl at this birthday of his huh? He must be quite the player.” She smiles at him, fingers thresding through the small brown hairs at the nape of his neck.

“Well yeah because Tessa is his princess but Y/N, this really cute adorable hot girl who doesn’t think she’s hot but should really start seeing it...that HIS princess.” He explained, kissing every visible spot on her face. “It would make his 24th. Trust me.”

Y/N pretends to stall and think about his wish. He knew he was going to get Y/N and Tom time together no matter what, but where’s the fun in just expecting it. “We’ll see about that birthday boy.”

June 1, 2020 (Party Time!!)

The boys were all out celebrating Tom’s birthday at the golf course at the start of the day. Of course that wasn’t until Tom made sure to get some extra love and attention from his girlfriend first thing in the morning. Y/N quickly rushed to get the decorations in place, while Nikki, Tom’s mother helped in setting the table and getting the food ready with cleR and concise instructions from Sam to ensure they couldn’t mess it up.

“Y/N this was such a wonderful idea. I cant wait to see his face when he comes home.” She exclaims, giving Y/N the most comforting hug.

“Thank you Nikki, I just want it to be perfect for him this year. I mean we’re all in Quarantine and all of us are finally together in one place.” Y/N explains as she places the final ballons up by the doorway.

“Well of this is how you prepare for a birthday, I can’t wait to see how you prep for your wedding.” Nikki responds, only half joking.

“He hasn’t even proposed yet!” Y/N laughs, though the thought makes her stomach flutter in the best way possible. Being married to Tom was all she could ever want in life.

“Well, dont you worry. Im sure it’ll happen, that boy can’t gona second without you I’d be surprised if he doesnt....May just have to chastise him if he takes too long.”

Y/N was starting to grow a bit suspicious. This whole week alone was filled with suspicion. Harrison acting weird, Tom being extra needy and cuddly, Nikki talking about marriage. “Was Tom going to propose soon? “ she thought to herself.

Just in the nick of time, the boys had all arrived after an intense game of golf. They came in bursting in conversation about how great it was, who deserved to win, and of course how Dom was always getting beat at his own game by his sons. Of course the festivities didnt start yet, until Tom took a moment to shower and dress up. It wasnt that he needed to, but for him..it was extremely necessary for today.

Y/N went up to grab her presents for Tom in the work closet, when all of a sudden, a small box landed on her head. She looked up then down towards where the item fell, only to see a sparkling pink and clear diamon cut ring. “Oh my god” she muttered.

“Bullocks.” Tom spoke out loud wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his torso.

“I...uh..Im sorry Tom. I swear I wasn’t looking for it I was just trying to get my gift so I could give it to you. I didnt know this was your hiding spot.” She frantically explains picking up the box and giving it to him.

Tom looked a little disappointed as he stared at the ring. He had worked so hard to keep it a secret from everyone only to get it ruined on his brirthday. “No no no. It’s fine Y/N, really. I just...I was planning on giving this to you next month on your birthday.”

Y/N opens her mouth realizing how bad she messed it up. “Oh my god. Tom Im so sorry.”

“It’s fine.” He laughs. “Actually kinda glad you found it. So now I can do this”. Tom gets down on one knee, his towel still wrapped around his torso. “Y/N, I have loved you more than I could ever love anyone in the past 3 years I’ve known you. I swear I could have sworn I was going to marry you the day I met you at the Marvel office with your little black Dell notebook in your hands. Your humor, your kindess, your sympathy and empathy for all living things makes me love you even more. Will you make me the happiest birthday man on earth, and marry me?” He proposes.

Y/N tears up and shakes her head vigorously. “Yes! Yes! Yes!” She cries, repearing the words as she hugs him on the floor. They lean in giving into a passionate kiss, still holding onto each other. Y/N and Tom couldn’t believe it was real. Just a couple of seconds they were boyfriend and girlfriend..now they’re engaged. “Wait. I almost forgot about your presents.” She quickly speaks out grabbing the bag.

“Darling, believe me you were my present. I am beyond satisfied right now.” He chuckles.

“I know, but I got you these too!” Y/N pushes the bag to him. Tom shakes his head as he opens it up find a silver necklace with a retangular pendant, and a major jar full of post- it notes. He observes the necklace and opens up the retangular pendant to find a picture of Y/N and him during their firsf year together. He smiled back at the memory, now seeing as to where they’ve ended uo. Stronger and better than before. Next, he opened the major jar pulling out a small card that read:

For whenever you’re down, need a laugh or missing me.

He picked up a post it note that more pictures of them during their time together with a note saying:

“Remember that you’re the reason we all smile. You are a warm loght of happiness that does not stop giving to the world.”

Tom tears up at the gift. In all his years, no one has ever given him soemthing that held so much sentimental value. “I love you so much Y/N. Thank you for this...for all of this.” He whispers, placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

“Your welcome. I hope you know you mean the world to me too, and I just wanted your birthday to be perfect.”

“It already is...because I have you.” He looks back at her and smiles.

“Cmon birthday boy. Get dressed, we have a party to attend to and news to share .” Y/N laughs as she helps her boyfriend...I mean fiance up. Who said that quarantine birthdays were boring?

Taglist:

@hollanddolanfangirl @parkerspillow

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader

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infizero · 4 years

Text

“Star” Teaser Analysis

(disclaimer: this is less of an “analysis” and more of a “pointing out possible connections to past lore without really theorizing on what it could mean” since im not good at coming up with actual theories ;;)

Well, I wasn’t expecting Loona to drop a teaser out of nowhere, but here we are! Even in this short teaser we can see that the lore is continuing from Why Not. Analysis under the cut!

ok so first off, the pairings we get in the group shot are very interesting. we get a close-up of everyone. first is chuu and go won:

who have obviously been paired together before via their scenes in so what:

as well as just both being members of yyxy. (although during why not they weren’t in the same subunit)

next, we have jinsoul and kim lip:

aside from both being members of OEC, them in particular out of the 3 are connected, as they worked together in love cherry motion to lure choerry to cosmos/the middle world (jinsoul leaving the cherry & kim lip using the flashing mirror thing)

^^^ (seen in the “reveal” teaser)

^^^ (kim lip is seen in the LCM field in the “reveal” teaser so this is most likely her)

anyways, then we have the final group before we go to solo shots of the girls sitting by themselves; olivia hye, yves, and heejin:

heejin and yves don’t have any particular connections as far as I know, (let me know of anything if there is!) but olivia has connections to both yves and heejin. let’s start with yves.

obviously they’re both members of yyxy, but as most of you know, it runs deeper than that. i’ll try to summarize since there’s a lot to their relationship.

the lyrics of egoist seem to imply that olivia trusted yves at one point (and perhaps even loved her), but something happened that severed their bond, known only as “letting her fall” - it’s unclear if that’s literal or a metaphor for something else, but the important thing is that olivia gained a deep-seated anger (what she in yyxy represents as seen in “one”) towards yves.

(this possibly led to olivia killing vivi in order to hurt yves, but that’s a whole other theory, let’s get back on track lol)

anyways, in hi high, we see olivia being reluctant to join the rest of loona, but eventually she jumps down from eden after seeing yves smiling up at her from earth, so it seems in the end olivia forgave yves for whatever happened.

they seem to be on good terms, since olivia is literally resting her head on yves’ shoulder, but if this is the same altered timeline as why not, then it’s possible that in this timeline nothing bad ever happened between them.

we get a rehash of egoist in why not, but it only parallels the aesthetics of that mv - it’s unclear if olivia was doing what she was doing because of drama with yves like in the og predebut timeline or for some other reason.

anyways, what matters is they are connected. now let’s move onto heejin.

olivia and heejin are ALSO pretty obviously connected. heejin is the first girl to be revealed, and olivia is the last. they meet at the end of egoist:

and have been seen to parallel each other during the likes of so what and other material. while heejin is often interpreted to be some kind of god-figure in the loonaverse, a force of good, olivia is often made out to be the bad guy - burning the moon in so what, refusing to join the rest of loona in hi high, etc. this can also be seen in their outfits - heejin in white, olivia in black.

anyways, that’s enough about olivia. let’s get back to the teaser. after getting close ups of all the girls in the first group shot, we get this:

a shot of two hands separating, a close up of heejin opening her eyes, and a shot of heejin waking up in a bed of pillows and looking around. now what does this remind you of?

that’s right - it’s egoist babey!! you thought we were done with olivia? HAH

ok, on a more serious note. this clearly parallels the opening of egoist in which we get a shot of hands (which from promo pictures we know to be yves and olivia’s) separating, and then olivia opens her eyes and wakes up on a matress.

it also seems to somewhat parallel olivia’s appearance in the XIIIX teaser, where she wakes up at the bottom of a staircase.

back to the star teaser, we then get this shot:

from the blurry reflection im gonna tenatively say this is hyunjin, but it could also be choerry. or who knows, maybe it’s both! they are counterparts after all.

(if it is choerry, it’s interesting that we’re getting her staring at her reflection again - perhaps another appearance of the other choerry from the flipped side of the mobius strip?)

we then see go won standing in front of the same window, looking somewhat surprised or intrigued. go won has connections to both hyunjin and choerry, so either one makes sense.

go won made the bracelet that the cat delivers to hyunjin in around you, as seen in see saw when she completes it and gives to said cat:

(along with a cat also appearing in go won’s solo mv one&only)

go won also set out a table for choerry in her castle, as seen by the cherries on the plate in one&only. choerry also directly appears in the one&only mv, delivering an apple to go won by yves:

so whether it’s hyunjin or choerry, the connection makes sense.

after go won’s window shot, we get a shot of chuu sitting on the floor. this seems to be one of many “filler shots” - there for the mv, not the lore. all loona mvs have them - most dance breaks, any shots where they’re singing directly to the camera, etc. i will be skipping these since i dont see any lore significance in them - if you or someone else does, great! i probably just missed it lol

anyways, the next shot i want to talk about is the one right after the chuu one.

we see heejin walking into a circle with the other members. there aren’t any connections i can think of so to speak, (other than the fact that heejin is standing beside hyunjin and olivia, both whom have connections with her) but we get another shot of this scene after one of heejin amongst the stars.

satanic ritual with the girls xoxoxo

ok but in all seriousness, i feel like this post has significance. loona is no stranger to magic (1/3 literally cast an “arcane spell of love” to rescue yeojin in sonatine), so it’s possible that they are doing some sort of spell or something.

the pattern on the ground seems to resemble the sun, but knowing loona’s long-standing connections with the moon, and the burning moon in why not that appeared to be the sun, this could also be the moon; specifically, the moon after olivia set it on fire in so what.

perhaps they’re trying to “heal” it/return it back to normal? we see them dancing on the (perfectly ok) moon in why not, so perhaps this scene takes place between the burning moon scenes in why not and the moon dancing scenes? who knows.

another big thing i noticed is that they’re organized by subunit AND reveal order!!!

if you start at heejin and go counter-clockwise around the circle, they’re all in reveal order!!!

heejin -> hyunjin -> yeojin -> vivi -> kim lip -> jinsoul -> choerry -> yves -> chuu -> go won -> olivia hye

that’s just... so cool to see aksjgjkagshjk ;;;

ok let’s continue.

this next shot (aside from being really cool, im sure this is gonna become plenty of people’s headers lol) sort of reminds me of the og midnight festival teaser image. idk, maybe it’s just the twinkly stars and chuu looking back at the camera. as a sidenote, the arrangement of the girls in this shot doesn’t seem to have any meaning.

we get a bunch of filler shots of the girls (looking stunning as always!!) and then we get THIS:

ONCE AGAIN, HEEJIN & OLIVIA!!! this was the first scene in the teaser to actually make me squeal out loud lol.

this part seems to signify what’s been shown before - heejin and olivia are parallels, counterparts, opposites. heejin is the first girl; she is light, good, regal and godly. olivia is the last girl; dark, “evil”, lowly and broken.

i find their expressions interesting. heejin once again has this very regal look about her, and while olivia gazes directly at her, heejin is focused on their touching hands. she looks almost.... bored. it gives me this sense of like “ugh, i cant believe im having to associate with HER” kinda vibe. idk, maybe that’s just me.

olivia on the other hand doesn’t seem to have any sort of distaste in her expression, she just has this focused, intent look towards heejin. i wonder if there’s any significance in the fact that olivia is looking right at heejin, while heejin avoids eye contact and instead looks at their hands?

a few filler shots later, and we get this one with yeojin and go won:

the first thing i thought of when i saw this was that part in the “#3″ teaser for so what with go won and chuu:

although it’s interesting to note that while in that shot, both go won and chuu turn around to peek at the camera, in this one, only yeojin turns her head while go won stays faced away.

at first i was a little confused, since connections between yeojin and go won didn’t immediately pop to mind. but then i remembered a connection between them i had been thinking about literally like a week ago - they’re both princesses!

go won seems to live in some sort of castle in one&only and is repeatedly seen with crown imagery or actual crowns:

yeojin’s princess imagery is a bit less obvious, but she wears a white dress with a tiara and is seen dreaming about princes and becoming a princess.

there’s also some theory that states that this flower thing yeojin wears on her chest in her main outfit for the mv is supposed to represent royalty IRL or something like that (i dont remember)

so there is a connection there, even if they haven’t really interacted one-on-one before.

after the shot of yeojin and go won, we get this shot:

choerry’s divorced moms

KFJSKGHJ OK IN ALL SERIOUSNESS, why do they look so.... passive aggressive?? they’re not smiling, they’re just staring at each other in this relaxed yet oddly confrontational way...

we’ve already gone over their connection, but i wanted to leave this in since i feel it has significance of some sort.

after a shot of hyunjin’s hair blowing in some unseen wind, we return to the first group shot, with them all admiring the floating stars together, and that’s where the teaser ends.

Whew! That was a lot! I’m sorry this got so long, once I started analyzing there was more than I thought there was.

Please reblog or reply with your own observations or theories, I’d love to hear them! I’m very excited to see what this new MV brings us this Wednesday!

- infizero

#loona #star teaser #star mv #analysis #theory #theories #star #teaser #mv #loonaverse #12:00 #why not #meta #?#lore

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supremesukuna · 5 years

Note

Part 2 of Jedi!Reader please? Maybe Jealous!Mando and uhh.. Smut (maybe) lmao I'm sorry

"So I’ve had this idea floating around in my head for the past couple of days. Could you write something where the reader just randomly gets kissed by someone and mando gets super jealous because he wants to be able to kiss them? I love your writing so much! It always makes my day when you post something 🥰"

Hope you dont mind that I put these two together! This was getting a bit long so the smut will have to wait until part 3 😅

part one

***

"I'll go and get the supplies. You wait here. I'm not sure how long this will take, so don't wander off." Din informed you.

You nodded. "I'll keep myself busy here." You smiled as you looked across the square of the little town you had stopped in. There was a small market which you could occupy yourself with.

You had taken your time looking across the various fruits, trinkets and foods for sale, many of which you had not seen before. You didn't have any credits on you to purchase anything, which had you kicking yourself, as you had already seen about 8 items you wanted to buy.

You were snapped out of your daze when you heard a familiar voice call your name. You turned to see who the voice belonged to.

"Tarver?" You questioned, a smile overtaking your face. "Is that really you?"

You rushed towards him and pulled him into a hug. He was an old friend of yours, you had both trained together and fought against the Galactic Empire together. You hadn't seen him since the fall of the Empire, when all the Jedi scattered.

"What brings you here?" He asked, his smile equally as bright.

"Just stocking up on supplies. You?"

"I live here. Moved here after our final battle."

"Have you seen anyone else? I haven't seen any of our Jedi friends for years!"

"A few, a lot of people pass through here."

"Prime spot for travellers I'm guessing?"

"Correct."

You continued catching up, talking about your old memories, your current lives, your future plans. It was comforting to have a reminder of where you had come from, it reminded you of how far you'd come, and how much your life had improved since choosing to travel with Din.

"I best let you go about your day."

You nodded in agreement. "If we don't go now, we'll be here all day." You joked. "See you soon, yeah? I'm sure I'll come this way again."

"See you too!" He leaned forward, which caused you to instinctively pull away. "Come on, you know I can't not kiss you."

You laughed, "you make it sound so romantic." You knew it was far from that.

Tarver came from a community who kissed friends and acquaintances goodbye, it was seen as offensive to avoid it. You had made many jokes about it in the past.

"Ugh fine. Make it quick. I don't want your germs." You joked, easily falling back into your old routines.

"Always so polite."

He leant towards you, pressing a quick kiss on your lips. You let him, but didn't pass up the opportunity to fake gag.

"That felt like kissing a sibling." You overreacted.

"Blame my ancestors for putting it into our etiquette."

"Curse you!" You waved your fist at the sky, causing the two of you to double over in laughter.

A sudden tight grip on your arm snapped you out of it. You looked up, seeing Din.

"Oh hi." You didn't bother to hide your surprise. That was much quicker than you expected.

"We need to go."

He didn't give you a chance to respond, moving his grip to your wrist and pulling you along, forcing you to fall in step behind him.

You yelled a quick bye over your shoulder, before concentrating on keeping up with Din's quick steps. Your heart was hammering in your chest. Something had really worried or annoyed him, hence your quick getaway, so you kept an eye out for any suspicious activity. Perhaps you had been followed to the little town, or Din had bumped into trouble.

But you only grew more confused when there was no sign of any commotion or any sight of people spying or trying to follow you. You couldn't sense anyone nearby either. It was when you had exited the town and started down the route back to the Razor Crest that you voiced your confusion.

"Din, can you please tell me what's going on? Are we in danger?"

"No." He responded, his tone clipped. Din's footsteps did not get any slower, nor his grip any looser.

"Then why are you so quick to leave?" You tried to pull your wrist away, but he didn't let up.

"Let's just go."

You dug your heels into the ground, forcing him to stop. Din swung round to face you, his posture showing annoyance.

"I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me what happened." He had a habit of hiding things from you, thinking it protected you, but it only made you ill prepared for when you inevitably ran into trouble. You had repeatedly asked him to start being more open, but knew it was difficult for someone so used to travelling alone.

He sighed loudly, tugging your arm, but you wrenched it away from his grip, crossing your arms.

"Stop being awkward. Let's go." Din stepped forward to reach for you again, but you took a step back.

"No, not unless you start being honest with me. What happened?"

"Nothing happened."

"Then why are you acting so odd? Something must have happened for you to be so rattled."

"I'm not... rattled." He didn't sound convincing at all.

"Well you're something."

"You wandered off. I told you not to do that."

Now he was making excuses. "You told me to make myself busy while you got our supplies. I stayed near to where you were, so don't blame this on me."

He didn't say anything, and an awkward silence fell over the two of you. You scraped your boots against the ground, waiting for him to explain, but he stayed silent.

"Please just be honest with me." You half begged.

"Who were you speaking to?"

You were taken aback by his question, and his unnecessarily rough tone. "Someone I know."

"Someone you know?" He repeated.

"Yes." You spoke slowly, unsure what he was getting at.

"You know them well?"

"Define well?" You had no idea what an earth he was on about.

"Well enough to-" he stopped himself, but you knew now what he was getting at.

"To what?" You were visibly annoyed now, realising what he was probably getting at. But he didn't need to act like such a child.

"You know what."

"So you're spying on me now."

"If you won't be honest then I'll have to."

"How have I not been honest?!" Your voice raised in annoyance.

"Keep your voice down. And how can I keep you safe if you run off with other men?" He regretted what he said once it was out of his mouth, not realising how bad it sounded until it was too late.

"Seriously? Din, what the hell?" You sounded genuinely hurt, at it made his chest ache.

"I didn't mean that to sound so... accusing."

"Well it did." You tried not to sound so offended, but failed.

You continued, explaining yourself to stop him thinking the worst. "He's a friend, I trained with him. We were Padawans together. And if you'd just asked me instead of assuming everything, you would know that."

"...And the kiss?" His own insecurity caused him to ask. It's not like he was able to do that with you whenever he pleased. You'd never openly discussed what your relationship was prior to this moment, but you both knew there was an unspoken thing between the two of you.

"Din, it was nothing. It's a weird etiquette thing from his home planet."

"To kiss people on the mouth?"

"Yes." You were exasperated. "Honestly, he'd probably try to kiss you if I introduced you." It sounded ridiculous out of context. You reached for his hand, knowing that your touch helped ground him. "Din please believe me." You looked up at him.

"I believe you."

He hated how upset you looked, especially as it was his fault. You were blaming yourself for his own insecurity.

"I didn't mean to upset you." His voice was soft, trying to remove the hurt expression currently dominating your features.

You took a deep breath, but Din didn't miss how shaky it was. "It's fine. I get that this-" you gestured between the two of you "-is different for you, and for me as well. I wasn't thinking."

Din's chest felt heavy at your response. You were so good, always thinking of him over yourself. Even when he was most arguably in the wrong, you were the one apologising.

"Don't apologise. I overreacted."

"No you didn't."

Din cupped your face, forcing you to look at him. "Yes I did. I shouldn't have done that. I got jealous and stopped thinking straight. It's not your fault."

"Jealous?" You tilted your head questioningly, a gesture you'd unconsciously picked up from Din.

"I..." He hesitated.

"It's okay. You can tell me." You encouraged him gently. Your tummy was doing somersaults at his unspoken confession.

"I... care about you. And I like having you around. It's nice. I would hate for you to leave."

"Din, I would never leave you. Why would you think that?"

He shifted uncomfortably, and you realised he'd probably opened up more than he had done to most people. Discussing insecurities out in the open would not be at all easy or comfortable for him.

You approached him and wrapped your arms around his waist, resting your head on his chest. You pulled him towards you, squeezing tightly.

"I care about you too. And I love being with you. Please don't ever worry about me leaving. I would never."

"I know."

"You're all I have, you know? And the kid." You reassured.

His chin rested on top of your head, his arms wrapping around your back just as tightly as yours were around him. His hands felt warm against your back, and you loved having him so close, despite his beskar armour not being the most huggable material in the world.

"We can go back to the ship if you want to?" You asked.

"Okay."

You went to pull away but he kept one arm wrapped securely around you as you fell in step side by side, your own arm around his waist.

***

part three coming soon!

#mando x reader #mando oneshot #mando one shot #mando requests #din djarin x reader #din djarin requests #din djarin oneshot #din djarin one shot #the mandalorian requests #the mandalorian one shot #the mandalorian x reader

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artificialqueens · 4 years

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Cause Though the Truth May Vary, This Ship Will Carry (Gigi/Nicky) - Campvanjie

AN: Based on the prompt: “You weren’t supposed to hear that.” - “Well, you shouldn’t be saying it then.” A slight AU Gigi/Nicky, little bit of unrequited crushing and a lot of fate, originally posted to my old AO3 account on May 24th, 2020. Edited as well to add non-binary pronouns for Gigi out of drag, as the original used male pronouns. Don’t worry, I’m the original author and only want all of my stories collected under one pen name.

Summary: Nicky and Gigi strike up a friendship online, but just can’t meet until the time’s exactly right.

CW: slight mentions of homophobia.

The sun’s almost setting on an August day when Gigi flicks through the games in their library, bored of sniping enemies from rooftops, set on finding something else that has a competitive mode, kicking underneath the bed to find their headset. It would probably be best to at least try to talk to other people, and maybe even count up all the times people call each other gay without even realizing they’re talking to someone, who’s made sixteen dollars an hour dressing up as a girl and working at the rock climbing wall for all of high school.

There’s gay, and then there’s Gigi Goode; with a closet hanging full of custom couture, not that they’d ever admit to their mom that her work isn’t the worst.

There’s only one player in the team’s group chat, as Gigi adjusts their headset so they can talk into the mic.

“Hello?”

“Hey.”

“Hi!”, laughs the voice in his headphones; crackling as Gigi shoots and blows apart a box in the game’s lobby. There’s an accent there he can’t quite place, not that it matters so much, since the guy on the other end easily guides him through the map and even cracks a couple of jokes as one of the other team’s players is booted off a cliff. Maybe he’s Spanish, or Russian, since there are lot of Russian people on the server at this time of almost- night.

They queue for another round, his player’s character stopping next to a poster of one of the girls in the game.

“I like her, do you?”, he asks, and Gigi cringes a little. Straight guys were fucking exhausting, but this was just embarrassing-

“Like, this coat, with the belt like this, makes her waist look like she is a wasp. The insect, not the white people.”, he keeps talking, and Gigi’s eyes widen a little.

“Yeah, I’d buy those boots.”, they joke, hoping that whoever it is, will take it in stride, and he won’t have to listen to someone who’d been cool for the past half an hour, suddenly start losing their mind over how gay that was to say out loud.

“The boots? I want this hair- I want just Mortal Kombat hair but like this color, and maybe instead of a gun I want the scepter, like Sailor Jupiter. You’ve seen that, yes?”

Gigi blinks a couple of times. He’s serious?

“Like, of course. Yeah.”

“She’s a Mugler bitch. Hm, aren’t you?”, the voice teases on the other end; kicking at one of the boxes in the game.

Gigi is silent, as their queue timer runs out, and their team join another game which is already active when they’re dropped in.

“It’s the Hermes winter collection.”

“What?”

“That jacket is a dupe from the Hermes winter collection. You said Mugler-”, Gigi repeats, blasting through a wall in the game.

“Oh- oh you’re saying- this past winter! Of course! Maybe someone on the design team is also a fan?”

“Maybe.”

The two of them finish the round, and Gigi eagerly hits yes; when a little box pops up to add TheNickyDoll to their friends list.

(Gigi adds him back on Discord, too- because they’re probably not taking the Xbox to college, and then, they can send pictures right away.

He’s not a serial killer, and he’s cute.

Gigi can’t help but wonder if Nicky thinks the same of them.)

They slowly knit together in between Gigi’s first semester, and when Nicky moves into a new apartment in the eleventh arrondissement in Paris, and pops a bottle of champagne against his camera on his phone, propped up in his new kitchen. He plays with the zipper on his hoodie, and Gigi still can’t help but be surprised with how simple his wardrobe is.

Gigi spends hours carefully curating their wardrobe, though they supposed in Europe, there were just better pickings.

“Don’t you have friends?”, Gigi jokes, shirtless against the white brick walls of their dorm.

“Everyone will be over later, but I just wanted to do a toast for your timezone. It will be like three am for you when everyone else gets off work.”

“So this is a private party? Well… okay let me get my card.”

“Seriously? Not that kind of party!”

“Didn’t say it was. Congratulations, by the way. I got you something! Well like, I found it, and it’s so you-“

Gigi flicks the camera to face forwards, swinging to a painting hanging in the closet.

“Aw, well you didn’t have to- what the fuck is that?”

“Putin! I painted him in like the eighth grade. My mom was dropping off some stuff last weekend and I can mail him-“

Nicky’s eyebrows shoot up, pots and pans clattering on the other end of the line.

“Bitch, I am trying to not be the victim of a hate crime.”

Gigi laughs a little bit, flipping the camera back to focus on their face.

“I never asked, what do you even do?”

“What?”

“Like you- you have a job right? What’s your job?”

“Ah, I’m working, well I worked at a makeup store, but now I have some contracts, and maybe, you know- this neighborhood is where all the bars and the clubs are. If there’s no work on the runways maybe some will be looking for new girls.”

Gigi’s cheeks run hot for a moment.

“Wait, you- you’re a girl?”, they ask weakly, hoping it won’t absolutely ruin their entire… whatever it is, when you’d rather have a private housewarming alone in bed, than pretend to enjoy the beers that are flowing through the rest of the hall downstairs.

“Only when I’m being paid. Do you know- well, you have to in America you have RuPaul’s show- it’s like that-“

“You do drag? Wait, really?”

“Shhhh.”, he stops them, pressing a finger between his lips. “It’s like, I haven’t got any bookings yet but some of the clubs are interested- some of the parties, too. I can be a bottle girl.”

Gigi simply blinks repeatedly in the screen.

“What- is that too gay? I thought we were both pretty gay.”

“Yeah. Yeah. Hey-“, Gigi keeps the camera on their face, their eyes flicking up towards the naked mannequin resting against the closet door. Most of Gigi’s things were still at home, but there was a black feathered swimsuit they’d been working on- if they took out the waist just a bit-

“What’s your favorite color?”

“Wow, we are getting deep in, Dr Phil.”

“Seriously, what is it?”

“I’m feeling pink recently. Usually just- something simple. Blue. Black. It’s soothing.”

“Black is not a color.”

“Then it’s my favorite not-color.” Nicky pours from the bottle into a flute on her counter. “Get something to drink, come on.”

“Uh-“

“Doesn’t matter what. Come on!”

Gigi reaches for Red Bull, yesterday’s alcohol mixed into it, tangy and stale in the metal can.

“Okay.”

“Pace a Salute!”, Nicky cheers, and they clink their drinks against the camera.

Two months later, there’s a wrapped package on his stoop, covered in foreign postage, wet at the edges like it’s been through- what Americans would call the ringer, the labels so scratched over he can barely make out the return address, when he cuts the cardboard open on his kitchen counter.

If this was that stupid Putin painting, he was deleting Gigi from his entire life-

Inside, is fabric folded in paper, a little cloth ribbon tied around where a card is tucked in.

“I dont know what your actual skin tone is because you need better lights but merry Christmas if it doesn’t fit or doesn’t match sell it on eBay and get better lights”,

Gigi has written, in neat, large letters.

Nicky carefully unfurls the rest of it, and there’s a blue and pink bodysuit inside, accented with green and yellow panels that glitter like the facets of a diamond, and a yellow jacket, the bottom cut off just below the ribs, hemmed in thick stitches so the fabric won’t roll up.

Had Gigi gone and had this made? Or was it off the rack?, he wondered, digging for price tags and labels in the fabric.

Nothing.

Shit.

He fires off a message to Gigi, who is still showing as offline, given it’s probably six in the morning where he is.

14:17

How much is this “gift” you got me? Wtf…

FaceTime me later.

There’s predictably no response, and that night; he paints carefully in the mirror in his bedroom, laying out the little black dress he had chosen for the performance on his bed.

At the very last minute though, it’s that little suit from Gigi that wins out, nude panels sliding over his tights as he shimmies in front of the mirror.

It’s not perfect, but it all looks very nice.

When later comes, Gigi is wearing a red wig with blonde streaks that she runs her long fingers through, winking at the camera.

“My mom’s actually a professional seamstress. It didn’t cost anything, babe.”, she says with a little shrug, a tight yellow dress barely moving around his shoulders. There’s always a party here; and Gigi can’t imagine hating it more, the little college town bigger than he was used to, and yet still- too small for what she really wanted.

“If you want other stuff, I’ll send it. There’s lots of stuff that I don’t really wear anymore and we kind of have the same style. It’s not like anyone can say anything, then they’d have to admit they’ve seen me out in public. Or I could even make you something, I’m bored all the time.”

“Why are you doing this?”, Nicky asks.

“I dunno. It’s not like you’re my competition. You’re my friend.”

19:41

Anyway, I’m dropping out of school, getting a nose job and moving out to LA.

Gigi types out on their phone, underneath the table at their family’s annual thanksgiving dinner.

19:41

Maybe not all at once.

Nicky’s reply comes lightning fast- making Gigi grin.

“Are you seriously getting nudes right now?”, one of their brothers asks, and their mother glares at the both of them over the table.

“I’m getting some new sketches from my atlier in Paris.”, they seethe, glancing back down at the floor. Nicky’s been trying to teach him French, like it’s something that occupies them so that Gigi doesn’t implode; in between sending him links to his favorite shows to watch, and YouTube links to makeup tutorials.

(He still hasn’t figured out if Nicky means it; or if he’s trying to be shady, and just doesn’t know how.)

“Atlier is where you get the clothes made, dumbass. Mom’s sewing room isn’t Paris.”

“Shut up!”

“All of you just stop-”

19:43

It’s a hard time in life in general.

Try not to listen so much to those voices in your head.

Nicky’s text pops up with a loud, mechanical pinging noise, three dots still hovering under the message as Gigi forces looks up from the screen and glowers across the table as they reach for more baby carrots.

19:43

Make mistakes, but not too many, haha. You’ll figure it out.

If it makes you feel a little bit better, I’m moving to San Fran

19:43

What? For real?

Gigi’s nails frantically tap over the screen.

19:45

Yes! I bought a ticket.

And my husband called an immigration lawyer, we’re going to get my green card situation set.

“Lawyer-”, Gigi gasps; and their entire family pauses, glancing over the table at them.

“Jesus Christ. You did it, didn’t you? You got arrested your first semester, and you weren’t even gonna tell us-”

“You weren’t supposed to hear that.”, they snap, flipping the bird at their oldest brother.

“Well, you shouldn’t be saying it then.”

Their whole table erupts in a discussion Gigi can’t pay any attention to.

19:50

Cool.

That means I get to see you soon.

It’s gonna be great.

They taps ou, and close the app with a smile.

They hadn’t known if Nicky even had a boyfriend, not that it mattered; until it did.

Apparently; he had been married, for almost the whole time they had known each other- a blow Gigi hadn’t quite expected, to leave them as breathless as landing in Los Angeles; the shock not setting in, not in full, anyway- until they are standing in a new apartment, looking down at a menu of instructions on how to set up the wifi in the unit, fingers hovering over everyone in contacts.

They can’t call their mom; not this soon, and their brothers would tell her, and the whole plan would crumble; just like everything had with Nicky; whose calls Gigi had declined for the past solid month; the nights they had spent with their phones propped up behind desks and dressing room mirrors fading into something beyond memory; that they refused to think about any more than they had to, the messages asking if they’re alright answered in curt, short replies.

How could they have been so stupid, thinking that they were talking-talking, teasing that Nicky and they were friends; when Gigi didn’t even know what his real name was.

(Unless it was Nicky?)

Shit.

Gigi waits for their phone to load into the app, and refreshes the friends list a couple of times, until they can see Nicky’s icon at the top, the side of the circle cut through with a little green dot, and taps twice to start a call.

“Hi?”

Nicky’s greeting floats in the air, between a breath and utter silence before Gigi swallows their pride, pressing the phone to the side of their face.

“What do you know about connecting a router to a tower if I live on the…um third floor?”

The line crackles, but soon there’s a tiny, familiar chuckle. “First of all, that is not how you do any of that-”

They talk a little more, every day; in between, Nicky moves to New York and Gigi cuts a tape that they put in the mail with a wink. They’re due for a visit home soon, and carefully proposes- maybe it’s time they meet Nicky. New York isn’t far at all, and a layover would make for a cheaper flight, anyway.

Their plans stack up in hours of calls; and Gigi think they’re almost back to normal. Until, three days before the flight is supposed to leave, there’s a call they had forgotten to wait for, and their fingers hover over the message box below Nicky’s name, vibrating with anxiety and excitement all at once.

09:22

Hey. I had a family thing come up.

Gigi types, and then erases the text, steeling themselves as they taps out another one that makes a little more sense, and doesn’t seem like such a lie.

09:30

I’m so so so so sorry about this

I had some things come up and my trip fell through.

They send this instead, surprised to see Nicky start typing back immediately.

09:35

You’re not going to believe this

I have some work things that started recently and so it would have been really shitty to have a guest over now.

09:35

No way!

09:37

Yeah. :(( But we’re gonna hang out someday, I swear!

09:37

Dont worry! You’re definitely gonna see me.

Real real real soon!

“-Where do I go?”, Gigi asks, pulling at the bottom hem of the ornate jacket she wore, fiddling with the gold telescope in her hands. The lights behind the set burned brightly, making the thicker bottoms of the outfit feel much warmer than he had remembered them being.

“Go to that green square on the ground, and wait there, when you see the little arrow light up, you can enter the Werk Room and then we’ll have you stop inside, get your opening line, and let you see the other girls.”

“Okay.”

He does as he’s told, prancing in and kicking his boots in front of him as the lights move to capture Gigi’s entrance, his head only snapping to the side when given the signal, so he can see the others who are already crowded around the pink tables he’s only dreamed of seeing for so long.

“Holy Shit…Nicky?!”

In reality; Gigi can see far more of the detail of Nicky’s face; of her eyebrows and carefully painted cheeks and lashes, of all the effort that they had only really talked about, his eternal summer tan and the long fringe of black hair that he’s always nudging across his forehead, or slicked against a beanie, gone behind a platinum blonde veneer that’s so much brighter than Gigi has ever seen. She’s thinner, and taller, careful breaths underneath sequinned shoulder pads, knees knocking together as she gasps.

“Gigi!”

Widow and Crystal glance at each other over the pink table.

“Hold up, you guys know each other?”

In the flesh; Gigi is impossibly small, the sharp angles of her face, and the dark brown hair that sticks up in angles which Nicky traces against the white of his pillows in his bedroom on the screen of his phone in the morning, taped underneath a gold-tipped pirate hat, and lush, wavy curls. She looks like a model on the runways where Nicky used to work; so close to him that he can feel Gigi’s breath on the back of his hand, as he tightens his grip around the epaulets on her shoulder.

“Gigi Goode.”, she repeats, and Gigi giggles a little at that.

“The Nicky Doll.”, she laughs, and her voice sounds so much more solid, than it ever has over every crossed wire.

Gigi’s hand swings, squeezing Nicky’s tightly as they swing around the table; like the others who are there don’t matter at all. She rests her head on Nicky’s padded shoulder, cocking it just slightly, waiting there, as Crystal’s eyes flash at the scene before them.

“…and may the best woman win.”, Gigi whispers, only for Nicky to hear.

#rpdr fanfiction #nicky doll #gigi goode #gigi x nicky #pre-ship #fluff #online friends au #s12 #on set fic #queen au #campvanjie #concrit welcome

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dyketubbo · 3 years

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i want to start this post by saying this is all /rp and that if i sound condescending, its probably intentional because im a lil fed up. still tried to be polite but if it fell through, uh, eh. its minecraft roleplay, im not truly heated, and if i thought of myself as being better than anyone for my opinions on blocks attacking each other i think id really have to reconsider my life and how i got here. anyways,

could you imagine if ppl just like actually started blaming things that are unable to control how others feel abt them for like. the way others feel abt them. like thats messily worded but w how people talk about lmanburg its like.. have yall never had something you would fight for? i would absolutely fight for my friends, fight for my family, hell id fight for my fuckin cat, my sketchbook, whatever, because thats mine and others arent allowed to just threaten what i care about for fun

but.. if i start to fight for something, because i care about it and someone else puts it in danger, its not the thing in dangers fault that im fighting for it? the person causing the danger shouldnt be doing that in the first place!! maybe i shouldnt ""have"" to sacrifice my time or wellbeing or whatever for things i care about but i *want* to, because i want to fight for what i care about

so why is it that once l'manburg is something to fight about that its?? somehow a piece of land/an abstract concepts fault that people were willing to fight for it?? it was their thing! l'manburgians had a right to secede, you can argue that it was based in xenophobia and manipulation and that wilbur was never good all along (gross reading, but you can take that up with the avid wilbur enthusiasts, this post isnt abt him) all you want but in the end it started out as a joke. the drug bits were jokes, the people who joined did so willingly, wilbur was barely fuckin present for a lot of his own countrys development, tommy and dreams relationship was friendly (with creepy vibes as dream got more and more stalkerish towards tommy), despite all the claims of No Americans they didnt Do Shit when americans were on their land and it was clear that the americans vs british debate was cc jokes that the characters didnt truly take seriously, the walls were iirc just. to make a good thumbnail or some shit (aka aesthetic), it really was just. a friend group with rules with the friends being little shits sometimes and dream really fucking hated that ig but in the end the l'manburgians really did not have any Special Attitude that made them any different than the average person on that server, they just happened to take a house-wide piece of land and said "hey we want this and its kinda weird for you to say the whole world is yours anyways so we want this to be like. ours. please? please"

but. l'manburg is.. not something you can just Blame. its not a real country with a real system set in place, it was some shit fuckin buildins in some walls and if the characters wanted to fight for it more power to them!! people get so mad (debate wise, not in terms of actually being upset) at the idea that the characters sacrificed things and themselves for their country but theyre. making a choice to fight for what they believe is right. and hell, for a good ass portion they just try to talk through it, thinking war is something you can fight with words when the other side just wants to secretly rig it all with tnt.

blame the people who continued to put l'manburgians in danger, blame dream for being obsessed with some teenager and placing way more symbolic power in the damn discs than tommy ever did, blame the dream team for rigging l'manburg with tnt and blowing it all up, blame dteam and eret for the fcr (which is the real start of wilburs downwards spiral. he was not always unstable, because thats not how human beings work. theres a difference between dream always having a similar motif of "this is fun" and wilbur actively showing clear differences in how he acts with each time he logs on), blame the people who constantly tried (and succeeded) to rip l'manburg from its citizens over and over until eventually all there was of the country is a big fuck off crater with a glass covering

but theres no damn point in blaming the country itself. its a bunch of fuckin land. even if you take what it symbolizes (which, for every character that was apart of it, it symbolized family and love and safety and care and trust and it was other people that tarnished that, because symbols dont chunk error themselves) its just. a symbol. its something the characters are attached to, and man, its almost as if the series has been fucking screaming at the viewers that viewing attachments as the problem is the wrong thing to do. should characters "have" to sacrifice themselves for l'manburg? no! and they *don't* have to! its shown repeatedly that they can just fuckin leave if they want to, no one will stop them!

they *choose* to fight and sacrifice and *care* and blaming what they care about for being something thats cared about is just wrong. especially in a situation where the discussion is literal death???? in which most cases were very clearly "person a kills person b" (or in wilburs case, assisted suicide for his last life), aka meaning that.. the murderer is at fault for murder. thats basic cause and effect, it should not be a debate topic to say "if you murder someone intentionally because you want them to stop caring about something you are at fault for murdering them".

like damn, next you mfs are gonna tell me that tommys a bad person because tubbo was willing to let dream kill him for tommy to be free (at least, tubbo saw it that way), and that dream isnt at fault for threatening tubbos life because tommy shouldnt have been so attached to those discs (of which are only important because dream had been using them as a way to have power over tommy and over the narrative), and that tommys bad for daring to care about things, for daring to care about *people* too, because if youre willing to sacrifice for something then its automatically bad.

....

oh.

wait.

thats exactly how people think. no fucking wonder then. you know, with a villain as obvious as dream, youd think maybe the audience would have learned that "attachments bad and fighting for what/who you care about bad because if you didnt care so much you wouldnt get hurt by the people who have been actively trying to hurt you and what/who you care about" is *not* the moral you should be going with when debating whether or not someone is at fault for killing someone when they had every option to Not Do So. watch the mars conflict again and maybe youll understand that the problem isnt attachments, its the people who want to use them against you.

#dsmp #long post #l'manburg #suicide ment #death ment #idk what else to tag this. ask to tag ig #idk i just think its wack to blame a concept when the people are Right There #in control of their actions.. wow.. something to marvel at truly #manberg and nlm are not talked about here bc this is specifically pre-election lmanburg im talking about #as each era of lmanburg has its own vibes and shit and early lmanburg has the vibes of a school lunch table ur friend group always sits at #mask mews

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