#like the last time i was fitted was 9th grade and i went from an A to a D Then a D to a DDD/G and now I’m looking at H and I

[daisybees]

not to stop being fun and cool and chill on main but i’ve been super dysphoric about my chest lately and it’s really starting to get to me

[arlana-likes-to-write]

All I Want For Christmas is You

Summary:  Kate Bishop does not want to be here. She hates going to her mother's Christmas Party. But she is surprised to see you, her best friend, ex-girlfriend. and someone she hasn't seen in 2 years. She wasn't expecting to learn the truth of her breakup with you. Like she said, she hated going to her mother's Christmas parties.

Warning: Past Sexual assault/rape, implied date rape/roofing, angst with a happy ending

Word Count: 2.6k

Kate sighed as she handed the coat checker her winter coat. The archer knew she had no right to complain, she had everything she wanted and needed in life. However, Kate hated going to her mother’s Christmas party. It was not her idea of a good time. She hated dressing up and having awkward conversations with someone that wasn’t her age. But as heir to Bishop Security she had to show her face or she would not hear the end of it from her mother. Kate immediately walked over to the bar. She was going to need at least 3 drinks to make it through tonight. “Kate,” her mother said, appearing next to her. “It’s nice for you to finally join us.” The archer had to suppress a sigh. The party started 45 minutes ago. “You look nice.” She was wearing a simple black suit with her red bow tie being the only pop of color.

“So do you,” The CEO was wearing a simple green dress. The bartender set down Kate’s drink in front of her. Eleanor gave her daughter a look. “What? Alcohol is the only thing that’s going to get me through some of these conversations.” Eleanor sighed, waving down the bartender.

“You are not wrong.” Kate smirked. “Guess who sent in their RSVP rather last minute.” Kate had no clue. “The L/n’s.” Eleanor waited for Kate to take a sip before telling. The archer choked on her drink, causing a small coughing fit. The CEO rubbed her back to help her.

“Are you serious?” She asked once she calmed down. Eleanor nodded. “Shit.” The L/ns were a revival security and technology company. Behind the success of the company was you, the eldest daughter of the L/ns. You had an IQ that could be compared to Tony Stark and Bruce Banner. You also happened to be Kate’s ex-girlfriend. The archer hasn’t spoken to you in 2 years. “Why did you invite them?”

“You know the saying,” her mother said. “Keep your friends close but your enemies closer.” Eleanor turned around to face the party. “And here they are.” Kate turned around and her jaw dropped. You were wearing a red long sleeved dress that went down to the floor. The dress had a deep V-line and a thigh split. “You're starring, sweetheart.” Eleanor said, walking over to you and your parents. You smiled at the CEO, you were ever the professional when it came to events like this. Eleanor began to talk with your parents and you looked around the room finding Kate right away. You seemed just as surprised to see her as well. You said something to your mother and walked over to the bar. Kate sighed and turned around.

“I’m surprised that you are here.” You said, leaning against the bar as you waited to order your drink. “You were never a fan of these types of parties.”

“I could be saying the same thing to you.” You smiled. Kate hated herself that your smile still made her heart flip.

“You look good, Kate.” The bartender placed a Moscow mule in front of you. You took a sip of your drink.

“So do you.” You picked up your drink and touched Kate’s shoulder.

“I’ll see you around.” You left before Kate could respond.

“Yeah see ya.” The archer sighed and took a big sip of her drink. You and Kate were childhood friends both going to the same elementary and middle school. Until your parents pulled you out to homeschool you in 7th grade. It wasn’t until 9th grade that Kate realized that her feelings for you were more than just platonic. You dated for 4 years then a picture was sent to Kate of you at a party while she was away at an archery competition of you cheating on her. That was 2 years ago. She downed the rest of her drink and ordered another one. It was going to be a long night.

*

You were not paying attention to the conversation that was happening around you. You knew you should be as you were sitting with possible business partners, investors, and competitors. But your mind was on the heir of Bishop Securities. She was standing with Eleanor, as her mother was doing a majority of the speaking. You sighed and picked up a piece of cheese to eat. You missed her. You don’t even remember what happened between you and the archer. She stopped returning your calls and texts, you gave up. “I’m going to get some air.” You said to the table and stood up, walking outside to the balcony. The crisp air of the city caused goosebumps to form on your skin. You leaned up against the railing and looked over the city. You did not want to be here but you had an image to uphold.

“You are going to get sick.” You heard Kate say behind you. You didn’t respond as she moved to stand next to you.

“I can’t imagine why you care.”

“I’ve never stopped caring about you,” You laughed bitterly.

“Then why did you ghost me?” You asked, looking at your ex. “You just stopped talking to me. She glanced at you briefly but looked away.

“You made it pretty clear that you wanted nothing to do with me?”

“What-what are you talking about?” You questioned. She shook her head.

“You know what it’s not important.” She mumbled. “I hope you have a great Christmas.” Kate turned to walk back into the party but you grabbed her arm, stopping her.

“Katie, please.” She let out a shaky breath.

“Thomas Signorelli’s party. I was in California for archery,” You dropped her arm. You remembered the party, you were invited but you didn’t want to go because you wanted to watch Kate’s competition. The plan was for you to join her in California but your parents told you couldn’t go because you had to prepare for an upcoming investor meeting. The archer turned to face you. “I got a text from you saying you were going to go with Allison,” you nodded, licking your dry lips. Right, it was coming back to you.

“Kate, what happened at Thomas’ party?” You asked. Her eyes widened.

“Do you not remember?” You shook your head.

“I remember getting a text from Allison.” You started. “I took a cab to her hotel room to get ready and her driver drove us to the party.” Your heart began to pound as Kate took a tentative step towards you. “I had a drink, maybe two and we left.” You weren’t sure about that last part. “I woke up in Allison’s hotel room.” Kate said your name but it was muffled as if you were drowning underwater. Why couldn’t you remember? You were sitting on Thomas’ couch watching Kate on your phone. He and his friend, David, sat next to you to watch Kate’s match.

“Y/n,” Kate’s voice pierced through the fog. “Sweetheart, you have to breathe for me.” You didn’t realize you were hyperventilating. She touched your arms but you flinched away.

“I-I have to go,” you pushed past the archer and walked back into the party. You heard Kate call after you pushed past the party goers and walked to the bathroom closing the door behind you. You were thankful that no one was in there. You sat in a chair and covered your face with your hands. “What did they do to me?” You mumbled. You heard the door open and lock. “I don’t know what happened, Kate.” You said, looking up. Kate frowned as she knelt down in front of you. “But I think it was bad.” She nodded. “Do you know?” She nodded again.  

“They sent me a picture and videos.” She whispered. “I didn’t know you didn’t consent to it.” You felt the color drain from your face. The little food in your stomach mixed with the alcohol started to flip. You were going to be sick. You pushed Kate out of the way and emptied your stomach in the toilet. Kate moved next to you instantly, pushing the loose hair out of your face. You fell back, tears were running down your face and your mouth tasted terribly. Kate wet a paper towel and whipped your face.

“I would never cheat on you. I’d-”

“Sh,” Kate said, nodding her head. Part of you was a little upset she believed it, but the evidence was complaining. “I’m sorry. Right now, I’m going to talk to your parents and my mom and we are going to get out of here.” You nodded. The archer stood up but you grabbed her arm.

“You’ll come back, right?” You asked. Kate smiled, kissing the top of your head.

“I’ll be back.”

*

Kate came back as she promised and she guided you out of the party through a side door and into a car. You weren’t sure where Kate was taking you but you trusted her. You were drained, your head fell onto Kate’s shoulder and you closed your eyes.

“Sweetheart,” Kate gently woke you up. “We’re here.” You opened your eyes and saw Kate’s apartment. You nodded and got out of the car, holding onto Kate’s hand. She led you up the stairs and into her apartment. “We’ll get some clothes for you to change into.” Being in the archer’s room after so many years not being in it was strange. You sat on her bed as she went to her closet. She pulled out a pair of sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt, a combo you always steal from her. “Do you need help changing?” She asked, handing you the clothes. It wouldn’t be the first time she saw you naked but the idea made your skin crawl. You shook your head.

“Can I use your bathroom?”

“Of course.” You walked to her bathroom and closed the door behind you. You got the dress off as quickly as you could and put on the clothes Kate gave you. It smelt like her and gave you a sense of peace. You washed the makeup off your face and washed your mouth with mouthwash. You stared at your reflection in the mirror and hated what you saw. You were the smart one, with an IQ that rivaled the likes of Tony Stark. You created a multimillionaire dollar company by the time you were 15. This wasn’t supposed to happen to you. You sighed and left the bathroom. Kate was sitting on her couch scrolling through her phone.

“Hey,” she said, putting her phone away. She changed out of her suit into a love sleeve and shorts. “How are you feeling?” You shrugged.

“Better, I guess.”

“What can I do?” She asked.

‘Go back in time to stop this from happening.’

‘Don’t leave me.’

‘Convince my parents to let me go with you to California’    

You weren’t sure. “Can I have a hug?” You asked instead. She opened her arms and you walked over to her, crawling onto her lap. Her arms wrapped around you tight. You choked back a sob, biting down on your lip. Kate ran her fingers through your hair and down your back.

“It’s okay,” Kate whispered. “I got you. I’m not going anywhere. Never again.” The dam broke and you cried against her shirt. And cried. And cried.

*

Kate was a lot of things. Some called her the world’s greatest archer but right now as you cried against her she felt like a jackass. She had half the mind to go find Henry and kick his ass but right now she let you cry and cry. She’d hold you as long as you needed. Soon your breathing even out and soft snores left your stuffy nose. Kate smiled and gently lifted you up and carried you to her room. She laid you down and tucked the blanket around you. The archer wanted to climb in next to you and cuddle up against you. But she wasn’t sure if you wanted that. Two years have passed and Kate never stopped loving you. She went on dates after dates and slept around but nothing stopped the ache in her heart. Kate sighed, going to leave her room. “Katie,” your soft voice stopped her in your tracks. “Stay please.” The archer smiled and climbed in next to you. You rested your head on her chest.

“Sleep, tomorrow will be better.”

*

You were surprised to wake up to an empty bed since Kate was never a morning person. You sat up and stretched your arms above your head, hearing your shoulders pop. You glanced at the nightstand and saw a water bottle and a bottle of aspirin. Gods, you were still in love with Kate Bishop. You took the aspirin to quiet the pounding in your head. You went to go find the archer. She was sitting at her dining room table hunched over her computer with breakfast and the radio was playing Christmas music. It was a sight you were so used to seeing when you were together. “Did you finally learn how to use the kitchen?” You asked. The archer jumped not expecting to hear your voice. You rolled your eyes at your ability to sneak up on her.

“No, I ordered food.” You sat down next to her.

“Good, so I know it wont give us food poisoning.” You joked. It was easy to fall back into this joking habit with her. She playfully pushed you on the shoulder and placed a food container in front of you. You opened it, smiling at your go to order after a long night; chocolate chip pancakes, scrambled eggs, and bacon. “I missed this.” You confessed, pouring syrup over your pancakes. K ate was quiet as she typed away on her laptop.

“I’m sorry,” she finally said, closing the computer. “I’m sorry I believed them and cut you out of my life.” You cut into the pancake and watched the chocolate melt.

“I thought you knew me better than that.” You looked at her. “What did they say to you to make you believe I consented to it?”

“I lost in California,” she said, taking a sip of her coffee. “The first thing I did was call you but you didn’t answer. I guess news traveled fast of my loss and they sent me that picture and video saying that you were with a real winner and that you wanted nothing to do with me.” Kate sighed. “I got an earful from my mom and it all came crashing down.” You say tears forming in her blue eyes. “I never stopped loving you.” The radio began to play Maria Carey’s All I want for Christmas and you couldn’t help and think how cliche this was. “It was just hard to see your name and hear your voice to not think about that day.” You grabbed her hand and squeezed it tight.

“Don’t run away from me again.” You said, letting go of her hand.

“Again.” She said slowly.

“I never stopped loving you.” You kissed her on the cheek. “Don’t mess it up.” You watched the heat rise to her cheeks but she smiled.

“I won't.” she kissed the side of your head. “Because all I want for Christmas is you, baby.” She sang horrible with Mariah. You rolled your eyes.

“Stop. Don’t make me regret it.” The archer laughed. Breakfast was eaten as you both caught up that the other missed in the past 2 years. You had a long way to go but you were glad to have your best friend by your side again.      

[maximalttigers]

Halloween is right around the corner so I thought I would create a piece for the season. While its not spooky and scary related, I still have my Unity Trio, Eki and Nia dressing up in cosplay for the holiday.

Starting off we have Danny cosplaying Kengo Benimaru from ‘Yo-Kai Watch Y School Heroes’.  I’m still kind of new to the series of ‘Yo-Kai Watch Y School Heroes’ but when I saw Kengo Benimaru, this hero form became one of my favourites (Next to Earth Walker and Shikkokumaru). I felt that he was the best fit for Danny as they both act around the same level of maturity and both use a sword/blade as their weapon of choice. 

Danny worked pretty hard to get his cosplay to be as accurate as possible although he couldn’t get the skin tone accurate since he didn’t want to use too much face paint for it and that he lacked a way for the dual tails, his small dagger was his idea for compensating for the Reiken Danzetsumaru and he used temporary hair dye on the tips of his hair for the fur colour. 

Next is Mich cosplaying as Blitzo from ‘Helluva Boss’. Yeah, I know ‘Helluva Boss’ can be a bit... Crude but Blitzo and Mich are similar as they both use guns and have some areas of their personalities that are alike. The difference is that Mich is better at communication in terms of his emotions and can take responsibilities for his actions, Blitzo has a bit to work on, but I know my favourite Imp will get there eventually. 

There were some problems with Mich’s cosplay, but he just compensated a lot of it; The style of the jacket had to be altered and the style of the undershirt got in the way, so he went with a normal t-shirt. The face paint took some time, but he mostly focused on the natural markings/birthmarks and the scars since he really wanted to focus on those aspects.

Next is Riya cosplaying as Rosalina from the ‘Mario’ franchise. I did struggle with choosing who Riya would cosplay as but eventually I chose Rosalina since they’re pretty similar in terms of design and, in my headcannon, similar in personality. 

Riya took a lot of time into getting her cosplay accurate despite her shyness of her shoulders showing (Hence why she is blushing a bit), she even got the wand made and slightly styled her hair a bit to better reflect Rosalina. The only she did not include was the crown but that was because she was worried that it would not stay on her head. 

Next is Eki cosplaying as Cosmo from ‘Sonic X’. While I did struggle as well for Eki choice of cosplay, I eventually chose Cosmo from ‘Sonic X’ as I see them both a shy and sweet character who hold a lot of potential that is hidden deep within them. 

The attire of Cosmo is close to Eki’s general style, so it was easy for her to get this pretty accurate. The only thing that was changed was the neck area to be a bit higher, not a drastic change was done. 

Last but not least is Nia cosplaying as Randy Cunningham/The Ninja from ‘Randy Cunningham: 9Th Grade Ninja’. When it came to choosing who Nia was going to cosplay as, it was not hard for me to choose the Ninja known as Randy Cunningham since they are very alike, and I see them becoming good friends if they were to ever meet. 

Nia’s cosplay for the Ninja suit is pretty accurate with some minor changes to the scarf and no inclusion of the hood as it would have made things harder for Nia to see (She has limited vision due to having to wear her eyepatch). She’s sticking to her human form since the Ninja is a human. 

I had fun with drawing this since it allowed me to explore more with my characters and who they are like to other characters that I like. 

Happy Halloween!

[187days]

Day Four

It was the first day of school for our students!

And I was, in fact, ready for it.

It went by REALLY quickly, and my throat is super sore from projecting my voice to speak over freshmen for the first time in several months, but it was awesome. I mean, it started with me spilling some of the coffee I got in the main office (a local coffee shop brought us coffee and donuts, how nice is that?!?!), but I managed not to spill it on my clothes, so that did not stop the awesomeness.

Those of you who've followed my blog for a while know that my schedule went from A-B block to semester block three years ago, and now we're trying something new with freshmen: half block, year-long classes. They also renamed World Cultures to Global Studies so it matches with tenth grade American Studies, which, hey, that's cool.

So this is what my schedule looks like:

Block 1: Prep

Block 2A: Global Studies (23 students)

Block 2B: Global Studies (22 students)

Advisory/Flex: (16 students in advisory, which meets on Mondays; flex- as the same suggest- varies everyday)

Block 3: APGOV (12 students)- my lunch is during this block, too

Block 4A: Global Studies (21 students)

Block 4B: Global Studies (22 students)

I don't have an opinion about the half blocks yet, really, but I'm sure I'll form one quickly. I'm pretty confident I can teach that course in any schedule I'm told to teach it in, though. It's super adaptable by design.

Today didn't have a typical schedule since there are first day things that had to be done. Students went to their advisories first so that they could get all the start of school paperwork, their chromebooks, etc... and there were two twenty-ish minute class meetings (one for 10th and 12th grade, one for 9th and 11th; my advisees are ninth graders this year) so The Principal could welcome everyone to the new school year, go over changes since last year and introduce new staff, and discuss major behavioral expectations. After that, students went to their classes, but each block was about ten minutes shorter than normal.

With my ninth graders, I did introductions, went over my course guide, and shared what I expect of them as students. Their assignment is to write me an email to tell me what they expect of me as their teacher, and what they expect of themselves in the class. I started doing that a few years ago and have kept doing it because it gives me some great insights.

In APGOV, I asked students why they'd chosen to take the course (answers ranged from "I'm passionate about politics" to "Ehh, it fit in my schedule"), talked about why I'd chosen to teach it and what they can expect from it (and from me). Lastly, I had them take the Pew Research Political Typology Quiz and share their results with me. We'll do more with that next class, but it's just fascinating for me to learn the different viewpoints of my students.

At the end of the day, I made sure I was squared away for tomorrow, which took longer than I thought it would because I kept remembering stuff I wanted to get done. But I left around 3:45, high-fived Mrs. T on the way out, that's a wrap on the first day!

[hot-girls-corner]

i think i found the genius in me again! - 31th August, 2023

wowowowowowoowowowowowo

i'm just over the sky with joy rn

today was the last exam, higher math. i fucking hate higher math cuz it's so hard. BUT. TODAY. the exam was DEADLY EASY.

like i NEVER expected the teachers to give SUCH AN EASY QUESTION WHAT-

the exam was so easy i finished it an hour before like- i'm speechless. A+ confirmed on this one 💅

i feel like i had the best performances in the subjects i hate the most. like i HATE bgs and higher math with all my bloor, sweat and tears. but they are also the ones i've had the best performance in this time 😅

it's really confusing and all but hey! at least i did well!

my dad is also happy to hear all of this. now just waiting for the results. he thinks i'd AT LEAST be in the top 10 this time (i was there before but lost my rank because of all the drama back in 9th grade...

*sigh*

i'm gonna go sky high this time. i've found my learning style and i swear it fits me so good 😍 i can finally study without feeling like i wanna die if not better.

i won't study today. i am planning for what i'll study tomorrow and just start from tomorrow. i wanna do an intense session tomorrow for about 6 hours minimum. maybe i would like to finish higher math properly because i know even though THIS one exam went good, my preparation was not solid enough. so i'll spend the hours on higher math :)

[inklingofadream]

6, 18, 19, 25, and 35 for the weird writer asks!

What is your darkest fear about writing?

My mom finding it, wildly missing the point, and deciding that enrolling me in talk therapy is non-negotiable lol

Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end.

Gonna scroll it back to Till Things Are Brighter, which no one whose followed me in the past year has read because I last updated in ~February 2021~ but which is still the work I'm most determined to finish

I hadn’t meant to tell you so much. [Growls] There’s too much of a risk of Magnus pulling it out of you and accelerating his plans, or out of my dreams since you’ve made it a proper Statement , but apparently knowing when to stop asking questions isn’t a power granted to any Archivist. Next time you can’t stand not Knowing, just ask me to write it out. Statement fucking ends.

(From the end of chapter 9, for any who want to read my beloved magnum opus bc of this passage lol)

(cut because I am at heart a rambler)

So I knew that in order for various plot events to work I needed Daisy to meet with Gertrude, and I realized that it didn't make much sense for Gertrude to meet with this mysterious lady telling her all this stuff with little if any context to why it's important and not eventually getting fed up and taking a statement by force. That wasn't in my original plan, because it introduces a couple complications, but I actually ended up with a lot of affection for the chapter as a whole.

The handy thing about forcing a statement out of one of your characters and including it in the narrative is that it's an excuse to break the writing rule that people almost never just state their emotions in plain terms. The format by definition requires honesty and usually some explanation of the character's emotions either generally or at the starting point, sometimes complete with their assessment and feelings about those feeling in hindsight. So I got to use it to incorporate stuff I couldn't otherwise!

But Daisy gets pretty mad about having her statement taken every time it happens in canon, she just doesn't have the full details for Jon and can't take it out on Elias. She can't afford to take things out on Gertrude, either, other than peacing out. And I don't generally like including swear words in my writing but... nothing else fit. So Daisy got One Swear, for a treat!

Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

Ahahaha, I started writing in second grade. My best friend and I were going to make a novelization of the Rankin-Bass Santa Claus in Comin' to Town Christmas special with her doing illustrations and me writing. It was never finished and lost to time because my family moved the summer after second grade :( I wrote other things throughout elementary school, but sadly never found such a willing cowriter. The draft of the story that made my mom point out that people might not be interested in reading a story that interrupts the action every time a character is introduced to tell you their age, hair and eye color, favorite color, height, and hobbies is a happier loss X'D I did Nanowrimo for the first time in 7th grade, and did finish the story (it's still around... somewhere...) but it was handwritten so I don't know the wordcount. Probably more in the 20k range, but whatever. Did it again successfully on a word processor in 9th grade (also around... somewhere... in printed form even though the computer it was saved to is long gone). Those would probably be better if they were Mary Sue stories, I think if I reread them they'd probably be mostly very boring.

There's a local day event thing for teenage writers in my area called Teen Author Boot Camp, my best friend since toddlerhood got me into it and the first year we went we got 1st (her) and 2nd (me) place in their first chapter writing contest (year redacted bc you could def dox me from their FB). That was probably the last gasp of me successfully writing as a teen. I went again as many years as I was eligible, because it was hugely fun winning aside, but never won again lol. I started reading fic around the time I started high school, and wrote some a few years after that (it's all MCU/Marvel fic, don't go that far back on my AO3, some of it I probably still stand by but some is for sure Bad). I spent most of high school with major burnout writer's block. I started writing again slightly before listening to TMA, but that was what got me back into writing recreationally in a big way. Since I think 2019? maybe 2020 idk, every year I've had an end of year wordcount on AO3 that's... honestly a big embarrassing lol.

I have a fistful of original ideas (fiction and non) that I want to get around to, but right now those are on hold until I finish the final paper for my Bachelor's, which has sadly NOT been blessed by the inspiration gods... fic gets to happen because on a conscious prioritization level I can post it for instant gratification which original writing can't do and on a less conscious level because the chronic health issues that blessedly got me accommodations on that paper interfere enough with my brain on most days to make academic writing hard where fic just isn't. I'm finally in a decent enough place that I'll hopefully be able to get past that, and once that's out of the way original writing (and hopefully improvements in health once that stress is gone) here I come!

What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

My Daisy Tonner is femme but mostly can't express it because it's impractical at work. She always painted her nails because it lasts decently and doesn't detract from how her colleagues view her. She has a bunch of more feminine clothes that she doesn't wear much because she doesn't spend that much time not working. Basira doesn't really know all that about her because by the time she was in the picture Daisy was too Hunt-influenced to pay much attention to unrelated things, which got worse over time.

Or for an OC, Cece who shows up in Little Archive is biromantic asexual and has freckles and moles because projection thy name is Ink

What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?

When I was a baby teen writer I would absorb anything that seemed to have a decently informed source and for a long time I had this quote from Elmore Leonard hang on

Keep your exclamation points under control. You are allowed no more than two or three per 100,000 words of prose.

taped to the side of my bedside table where I saw it all the time. Anyway screw that guy, I love exclamation points! Avoiding them outside of a non-personified distant third person POV is janky! It sounds weird! It distances you from the character! What about dialogue?! Anyone transcribing mine would have to use a bunch, that's how lots of people talk!

[thecalmdaisy]

Social Anxiety was a Blessing and a Curse: The Childhood

Short Story

It's crazy how social anxiety can literally turn you into a whole different person. On the inside, you're full of energy, super social, and want to spread your true colors to others, but for some reason, you just can’t seem to let the inside of you come out. You feel this sense of fear that you can't seem to fully understand, a fear that can stem from many things in our lives, such as judgment, personal insecurities, stress, bullying, past traumas and many other things. In my own case, I was afraid of being judged by others for being so different from the societal norms of a normal Black girl. So, what did I do? Well, I stayed quiet and never let anyone in unless I knew they wanted to be my friend. No matter what, I was like as an individual. And let me tell you, not many made it into my small circle. But what can I say? I was the shy one.

The Beginning

After my last year of elementary school, my mom, my little sister, and I had just moved to a totally different state to start a new life. I was actually excited about it, but I knew how much it kinda sucked leaving behind the friends I had bonded with for years. But shockingly, the thought of making new friends at the time didn’t scare me much until the first day of middle school actually approached. As I walked through those huge double doors, I felt so much more awkward than I had anticipated. I guess seeing all those unfamiliar faces really overwhelmed me, and the thought of possibly being too weird for others was swirling around inside my head like crazy. This caused my lips to remain sealed, which equaled to social life being absolutely nonexistent. As time crept by, I started to think about my old friends frequently and returned home, dreading how I couldn't seem to fit in with others. But I knew my anxiety played a huge part in it. I must say that 6th grade year was truly a lonely one for me. I sat alone on the bus, at lunch, and in class, which made me unhappy because I knew I could be a great friend to someone. I even remember some nights before bed I would cry to GOD, asking,“ Why can't I be outgoing like everyone else?” I was so tired of being the quiet one who couldn’t seem to get out of her head at such a young age. As the 6th grade year slowly went by, my mom got me accepted into a performing arts middle school I had no clue about. But I was enthusiastic because I loved acting at the time and thought joining the drama program seemed like a great opportunity for me to break out of my shell.

Side note:

It didn't work at all. I would literally shake like crazy, my heart would beat through my chest, and I forgot my lines once the spotlight hit me.

Now, back to the story. There I was in the 7th grade, with no friends, at a new school, in a new year. As the school year progressed, I did manage to make a friend after two months. However, it was largely because she talked to me and broke me out of my shell a bit. She was a very talkative person, and I was a good listener. It was truly a match made in heaven. She became my only true friend that year, and I was totally happy with that. By the time 8th grade rolled around, more people were talking to me because they had seen me the year before, and they all started to realize how shy I was, especially the class clowns for some reason. But I absolutely didn’t mind that because I love to laugh. So hands down, that year stands as the best school year of my life. My friends at the time made me feel so welcomed, which helped break me out of my shell for the entire 8th grade year. As 9th grade approached, sadly me and my friends had to split apart to different high schools, which really sucked for me because as you know, I'm not a great conversationalist, and it was nice to have friends who appreciated my weirdness. But as I entered the new school year as a freshman, it felt like a reset button had pushed me back in time because there I sat all alone most of the time, chilling outside on the back steps before class started preparing to sit alone at lunch or skip lunch and head straight to the library. Not having friends again really sucked. Later that year, though, I became friends with one very special person who opened my eyes spiritually. She didn't have many friends either, and we both seemed to click. I started to sit at lunch with her, go to Bible study with her, and sit on the bus with her. She was literally my only friend that year, and I couldn't have asked for more.

As I approached my 10th grade year, things started to get better. People who saw me last year started to talk to me more, and we became associates. My friend from the year before graduated and left for college, so I never got to speak to her again, which really sucked, because I wish I could’ve told her thank you for reopening my eyes back to what was important in life. Once I made a few friends that sophomore year, I started getting comfortable at my school—until my mom got accepted into law school in another state, which was amazing. Until this day, I am still so happy for my mom, and I completely understand why we left. So, again, I packed up and said goodbye to my friends and moved into a new home. As my 11th grade year started, I was still shy, and I only spoke when someone wanted to talk, but only small talk. I could never really hold a conversation, so I kept them short and sweet, which kept me from getting to know new people. But honestly, I didn't mind it at that time. Many people my age were into things I just didn't agree with. Therefore, I felt like it was safer for me to be alone and focus more on my spirituality. And through the process of just doing me, I was able to make three friends in the last two years of high school, and I was completely okay with that because they were the kind of people I wanted in my life, very caring, helpful, motivational, and understanding of what the word friend truly meant. Once the end of my last year of high school came to a close, I threw my cap proudly for all to see, before I officially said goodbye to the mixed emotions of my childhood life in the public school system.

To be continued….

“Being a bit of a loner isn’t so bad when you live in the world we live in.”

Q/A:

What happened to your friends from middle school?

We never spoke again after middle school. I didn’t have a phone or social media until the end of my freshman year of high school, so it was hard to keep in contact.

What happened to your high school friends?

We went on different paths and changed as individuals.

Is there more to the story?

Absolutely! Anxiety has been a huge part of my life.

Written By: V

[apriiicotx]

ingredients to make chocolate chip cookies.

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

check notes at the end.

All-purpose flour. My mom wanted to bake a cake for dad. “I want to do something special”, she smiled. “There’s no flour” I reminded her. My parents never really got along, so I couldn’t understand why she wanted to make that cake. I didn’t feel anything when they divorced, “about time” my 6th grade self thought. I remember coming home that day and hearing them yelling at each other again. I placed my bag down and took my shoes and my coat. I was hungry so I went to the kitchen, where my mother was. It seemed things had cooled down. She was putting the groceries away. My father came back yelling at her, he didn’t even notice I was there. My mother screamed. The flour spills and packs of frozen vegetables are scattered on the floor. I hate cleaning up messes. 

Baking Soda. I loved doing science experiments. Throughout elementary school, I was always the kid chosen to represent the class for science fairs. My favorite experiment was the exploding volcano. 

Salt. I had a friend in middle school who was obsessed with salt. In science class, she’d bring out tiny salt packets, pour them in the palm of her hand, and lick them. She kept this habit up for 6 months every day. Later that year, I heard she was in the hospital from a stroke. Didn’t know high blood pressure ran through the family. 

Unsalted Butter. I prefer toast for breakfast. As a kid, I’d wake up before my parents and place two slices in the toaster. I had to be quiet because I didn’t want to wake my sleeping mom. I heard the floorboard creek, uh oh, she was up. I hurried up and took the bread out of the toaster. I wanted something on it. Jam? Peanut butter? There was only butter. I grabbed the butter, my mom was there with me. “Butter makes you fat.” were the last words I heard before I saw her hand slide across my face with force.

Sugar. My dad always said I had a sweet tooth. Even though Mom and him argued a lot, he always made sure to bring me home something after his nights out. 2nd grade, it was a chocolate donut. 5th grade it was chocolate chip cookies. In 7th grade it was lipstick, I was confused. The color matched the kiss mark on his neck and mom didn’t wear lipstick. In 9th grade, it was pink lipgloss, and I accepted it. My then-boyfriend said he loved the way it looked on me. 

Vanilla extract. Why is it so expensive to buy? I wanted to give her a gift. Her birthday was coming up. She always talked about this dagger necklace that was on display every time we walked by the store. I think I had mixed feelings for my best friend, romantic feelings. I wanted to impress her but I only had forty dollars to my name, well, at least until my next paycheck came out. 

Two large eggs. My sports bra couldn’t fit me anymore. My 5th-grade body is now my 9th-grade body. I had to buy a bigger bra. I told my mom, and she said to just check in the back of her drawer and use one of hers. I didn’t know my size. At school, in the janitor's closet, my boyfriend said he loved my breasts, and he grabbed them harshly, we continued to make out. I asked my best friend to help me figure out my size, she took me to the department shop and they measured me. She also wanted to grab a new bra. “We have the same bra size,” she said as she took off her shirt. We were in the same changing room, her breasts were large in my opinion. I wanted to kiss them. 

Chocolate Chip Chunks. I used to steal chocolate from this small corner store near me. I’d eat them at a nearby park on the swings. If my mom saw me eating this, she’d kill me. “It'll make you fat.” I didn’t care. I’m always hungry at home and I’m tired of eating apples and carrots for snacks. I just want to be able to eat sweets like the other children.

*. * ·*. * ·

author's note:

this is a story I wrote during my freshmen year winter term in my creative writing class :D! it was little prompt/ outline we're supposed to follow and here was my take on it.

[changedlives]

YES…WE ARE BLESSED! THIS IS CRAZY!!!

Shalom Bishop and Fellow Harvesters,

I want to share an example of what Bishop means when Bishop says “We Harvesters, are a BLESSED people!”

My daughter had a rough time in grades 9th and 10th grade. During 9th grade we were in quarantine, and directly following was the aftermath; so my daughter only had two years of physical high school participation.

There was also a lot of rough patches raising her through teenage years (along with her 2 siblings) as a single parent. Although, I’ve come to understand from Bishop that single parenthood is a part of where my grace and anointing comes from; at times I still felt like I couldn’t see the forest from the trees.

I was in my Noah’s Ark! (for those who don’t know, it’s a reference from Bishop’s messages and pop-ups from the Let’s Go Crazy like Noah Series).

But back to the report. It’s important to note that during all this, my daughter also had to grow through a stutter which she had since she was 6 years old. That in itself was a challenge that we became VICTORIOUS!

In my daughter’s last year of high-school, God has paired her with a devoted mentor (who also stutters and is nationally and internationally recognized in the world of both sports and philanthropy. He’s developed such a strong family bond with my daughter and me. So many opportunities has come from this and so much more to come.

With the support of my daughter’s mentor: As the senior year approached, We applied to 22 colleges and went on 5 college visits.

16 schools said no, 5 did accept her, but the circumstances just didn’t work out. Even a few contacts from her mentor just didn’t seem to fit. We were all getting worried. I could tell her mentor was starting feel defeated, but I knew God was is all of this!

CRAZY ENOUGH (another reference from the “Let’s Go Crazy Series), we started thinking of a back up plan. Our plan was just pick one of the few that said yes, even though it didn’t seem to be a fit and just “make do” with what we had. We were preparing ourselves to make the best out of an “OK“ situation. BUT GOD!

It’s important to note that the last school we were waiting on, happens to be one of the top Division I schools in the country and so we were more prepared to just accept the other schools bc of the “High Value” position of this institution both nationally and internationally. We felt like this school was just going to be another rejection in the pile.

BUT GOD… just one week before the deadline for commitment day, the top division 1 university sent my daughter an email saying: not only have they accepted her, but they’ve developed a program where they help students get prepared for their major main campus. This program is strictly through the university for students that they see potential in.

Plus. my daughter DOES NOT have to pay a dime for her first year. I declare this will expand through all 4 years of her college career. Bishop, I will keep you updated!

Moreover, This opportunity will also prepare and allow my daughter to play basketball with some of the most sought after women’s basketball players in the country. My Child has only been playing basketball for two years. This program helps her with pacing so that she doesn’t feel rushed or forced in a major world that we all know God has prepared for her! This is nothing but THE LORD!

We were all SHOCKED! Any time her mentor or anyone else mentions how “CRAZY” this is! I say “IT’S OUR LORD AND SAVIOR!”

Bishop if it wasn’t for your teachings and learning all of the principles that I learn from you, I wouldn’t have understood how my sowing, learning, and my application of these principles; puts my household in on THE WINNING SIDE OF LIFE!

Thank you Bishop for your service, leadership, commitment, passion, and knowledge! THIS IS TRULY OUR YEAR OF MORE! #WeWin #FaithfulGiversFlourish

[unhingedhearties]

CSI Hearties

Time to go back to 9th grade English class where your teacher insists that every word or image is symbolic of something deeper.

“Did we get that for Lucas?”

You got told he would have a major story arc, so yes you did get told that. We just saw people in my previous posts say that Lucas should have had his own poster to represent that major story arc.

“That would be a No, not really.”

…so that would be a yes.

“And no announcement that NEITHER was leaving the show.”

That has to suck for the writers. You write this big story about Lucas being governor and ending the season with a mysterious confrontation and ambiguity about what happened to him. All so that you can build excitement for the next season and you can’t even let it be a mystery because a ton of the fanbase will send you vile, hateful messages if you don’t spoil the next season for them. They were the kids that had to snoop around for their Christmas presents and then wondered why Christmas morning wasn’t fun.

“Writers had no say in promotional content.”

Hey, someone who pays attention and thinks logically. I’m sure that’ll be ignored.

“No respect!”

Oh my God, the red serge nonsense. Plenty of people have already pointed it out, I’ll just be one more.

What if… they didn’t have him in the red serge because the color would clash with the pink of her clothes and the sky? Do you notice how (except for maybe the second poster) in the earlier seasons Jack’s not front and center in the red serge? It really grabs your attention when it shouldn’t and clashes with everyone else’s color pallet. I’m sure that’s also the reason why Rosemary is wearing blue 4 out of 5 times. Color theory and what not. All those things you need to keep in mind when doing graphic design.

No, there must be a deeper, symbolic reason for it.

“it makes no sense since we were told Jack was/is the love of her life…”

Ever notice they only bring up Jack being Elizabeth’s true love when talking about Nathan? I never saw them bring it up when she was with Lucas. Where were all the discussions about how Lucas is awesome, but don’t forget Jack’s her true love when they thought they were getting a wedding?

Salt in the wound. Mark your bingo card.

Way to gloss over the season 10 poster. I guess because then you’d have to admit no one besides Elizabeth was on it and yet none of you said anything back then. Where were the cries of “muh ensemble cast!”?

“this poster is a huge difference from the poster they put out for S9”

Oh, you mean the one that has Elizabeth, Lucas, Nathan, Mei… and none of the other 50 cast members? 4 people isn’t really an ensemble. In fact, if you look at that collage of all the posters, it was a major downgrade in terms of featuring the characters. It went from showing 10 to just 4. 

WHERE’S MY ENSEMBLE BRIAN!?

“Lucas is looking at her and she isn’t at him.”

Uggghhh, it’s not that deep. Seriously. They’re doing the same thing on the Season 5 poster. Every poster except for the last 2 have Elizabeth staring at the audience. I’d sooner believe there’s some subconscious marketing nonsense for it (“people are more likely to buy a DVD if the lead character is looking at them. It helps the audience develop a parasocial relationship” or whatever) then believe a bunch of people in Hallmark’s marketing department are working long hours to fit the most symbolism on their poster.

“then where are some other top characters like Bill, Rosemary, Lee and Henry?” Insensitive!”

Where were they on Season 10? Where were they on Season 9? Where were you when those posters came out? How come you weren’t advocating for them to be included years ago? Truly a mystery.

Insensitive. Mark your cards, that was a corner square.

“Can marketing for such a huge company really be that bad?”

They said as they repeatedly shared the poster, commenting on it, commenting on other people sharing it, hashtagging it, drawing attention to it, GETTING IT TRENDING ON TWITTER.

I know a lot of you Hearties think you should be in charge of how When Calls The Heart is written and marketed, but you’re not as smart as you think you are. You’re really, really not as smart as you think you are. And that right there is a perfect example why Hallmark and TPTB should put a lot of you on the pay no mind list.

[pizzee]

What are some of your favorite behind the scenes details, parallels, themes, or processes that went into creating sudden unexpected guitar solo that you want to talk about/point out?

Ok strap in because this is gonna be a longy cause I love talking ab my writing and I feel like I went a little off my rocker writing this one. I’m gonna work backward from how u asked because I feel like it’ll work better that way idk.

Processes: i always start a fic with one scene, then build the rest of the story around it. This fic though, was very very different. Id originally started writing a megalong, CYOA fic (yea I know crazy right) that I got like 20k words into then dropped. It was shit, and boring. But I didn’t want to waste the material. So I ditched the old idea and went back to my original concept: Jake character study. And from there, I built.

I had a tooooon of leftover scenes I wanted to use so I kept those and made a little outline. Just general story beats I wanted to hit on. Then I went looking for inspo, which came from the usual sources. Kendrick Lamar, particularly the song ‘Mirror’, second main inspo was from an unreleased Kanye song. I went back to these lines a lot for the vibe I wanted, which was kinda lightly melancholy, a little angry, a little hopeful.

Here’s a bit of the planning process

Then, then I started writing. Well, a little before that I picked out the bits of scraps I wanted to include and put them in some sort of order that made sense, choose a story structure that would make sense (this was the hardest part. I was originally going to do completely linear but it was not working, so I went with linear intercut with extensive flashbacks which I don’t think I’ve ever done but i like experimenting with structure anyway so it worked out alright), then I started writing. First scene I fully wrote out was the last one of chapter one, the scene with Layla. That’s actually the least changed scene too. Then from there, I wrote in order. Some scenes like Gena’s diner I wrote all the dialogue first then went back and added on. Others like the trip to Chicago was just all flow time baby. I edited some of the scrap scenes to fit the context of the story, did a few changes, then was pretty much on my way to finishing.

Oh and the title. That was actual the very first thing I wrote for this. I always write titles first cause I’m a madman, and I had this one sitting in my drafts for the longest time. I know it’s kind of the opposite vibe of the fic but I really like it and I think it kinda works. Chapter titles were also fun. I got the Jakob’s Ladder one while reading the Wikipedia page on the historial Jacob and found the themes fitting. The great Chicago fire one I remembered from a project I did in like 9th grade.

Themes: ok another way this story was super different: I actually wrote out the themes. Wooow I know I’m so organized. Main thing I wanted to hit on was that there would be no grand conclusion. No big confessions, no huge reveals, none of that. Even though the fic is long, I didn’t want it to feel big. In terms of scale of story but also how the themes are handled. Plus, it’s a Jake fic. So themes of personhood, self worth, belonging come with the cab driver.

That’s not to say there aren’t kind of major moments. I try to keep most of those in the past. The Passover flashback (and god damn were wendy’s lines hard to write), the whole military etc flashback. I think there’s only two moments of palpable anger in the present day sections: when Jake is half angry at Steven in Gena’s diner, and when he’s half angry at Marc in the headspace gym. I wanted to reserve the present for quieter parts. Some of that good healing in the present from past traumas thematic through lines, ya know?

Little domestic moments are my faves to write, mostly because Im allergic to actual intricate plots, also because I like contrasting the somber tone of the flashback scenes with the more gentle present. (Ah but I’ll save that for the parallels section, and speaking of…)

Parallels: most clear one is between the past and present. There’s a permeating sadness ab their childhood in a lot of fics I read I really wanted to capture, and I wanted it to be kind of… settling in? In the flashbacks versus easing up in the present. I really love making loops in stories, like linking the ending themes to the beginning, but this fic is more of a spiral outward. Things start in one place and circle around but don’t ever really end. Ok other parallels.

His name! The Jacob name story. That section was a segment of one of the Jake routes from that CYOA scrapped project that focused briefly on his name. I’ve lightly mentioned Jake’s Hebrew name in previous fics, or what I headcanon it to be, and when I was researching Hebrew names and their significance, I came upon the name Jacob. Then searched up the significance and thought that’s be a cool thing to weave throughout the story. Something something, the significance of names in defining our personhood and the power of having one and knowing someone’s name. And I like characters figuring out their names. Steven gives him Jakob (Steven with a v, Marc with a c, Jakob with a k), Marlene gives him Jake, he gives himself Lockley, then Jake gives Frenchie his full name, exchanges his name with Gena. And doesn’t give Elias anything. I liked that.

This is a bit of a smaller parallel, but the Jake Reveal and the final scene. I purposefully kept the Jake Reveal vague and short because again, no big reveals or anything was my rule, but I wanted the vibe to kind of parallel the vibe of the final scene. It’s Marc and Steven talking over Jake, picking him apart trying to understand him vs them talking around and with him, just naturally going with him. Them asking his name vs them saying it again and again. That was fun to write.

Oh and the parallel between the locket, the box, and the gloves. Keeping things safe, protected in a locket close to his chest vs a ground box in a city he hasn’t been to in decades that has all of their worst moments stored vs the chosen, physical barrier of the gloves. It’s just protection in different fonts.

Details: can we talk about the box? I wanna talk about the box let’s talk about the box. It actually came to me from this cigar box my mom gave me that I was trying to make into a jewelry box. I saw it and was like, “hm putting things of sentimental value in a box, compartmentalizing taken literally?” I think that one was one of the more obvious metaphors.

But my fave one was the locket. That was a thing I’ve had in my scraps forever and was actually inspired by the lock and key metaphor thing I’ve read in a lot of other fics for Jake’s last name. I loved the idea and had it spinning in my mind when I was writing but I didn’t want to use it like that because something something originality so I was like “Lockley… lock… locket.” and ran with that. And honestly? I really like it :) oh and the poem inside, I’d never read it before this fic but it fit the themes and vibes pretty good. Oh shit and

Boxer Marlene! So I really love the whole Marc is a boxer thing from the comics.I also really don’t like Marlene. Which yea not a hot take but I wanted to like her without like girlbossifying her. So I wrote her as a boxer because a) I needed a way to incorporate her into the story without fucking up the timeline and b) I think that’s cool as fuck. Thus, Marlene Arlaune became a woman from New York who’s attending the university of Chicago and really likes boxing. And she’s real fucking good at it too (which was inspired by comics Marlene learning some martial arts).

The happy endings line came from a tumblr post I think. I don’t remember which one exactly but I read it and immediately jotted it down because it was really fucking good. Anyway, I just wanted to write Layla again, because I adore her, so I wrote that little scene between them. Which is one of my faves.

Speaking of fave scenes, the Passover scene and Elias scene are up there. The Passover scene was pretty easy to write, minus Wendy an Jake’s exchange because I had to make sure my Spanish wasn’t completely grammatically incorrect. That section was inspired by the Lemire run, cause I really like the idea of them running away. And the Elias scene. I really really love it. Idk I feel like that’s the most Jake Jake I’ve ever written. It works ta me. Khonshu was also going to be a bigger part of the story and link up with the themes surrounding Elias and their parents but there was already so much going on shoving him in there would’ve been overstuffed.

Extra things:

- Sudden unexpected guitar solo was inspired by the Fooly Cooly ending song and the music battle in Doctor Strange in MoM. Really love those guitars.

- This was going to be part 2 of a three part series, all with obnoxiously long music related names and focusing on Steven, Jake, and Marc each. I was gonna call the series interior crocodile alligator. No I’m not kidding

- The gym I had in mind while writing that Jake vs Marc scene was the one from daredevil. I love my dumpster diving disaster diva daredevil

- The big tree in the headspace field was originally going to be a massive astrolabe, cause space. I changed it last minute.

- The dialogue between Marlene and Jake in their first flashback sequence was leftovers from a Jane/Valkyrie fic I started before going to see Th4r then dropped after watching it💀

- There’s a little section in the Chicago visit scene that I just ripped from an irondad fic i abandoned. the part ab trying ice cream for the first time

- Crawley was supposed to make an appearance. I might’ve forgotten ab that

- I had the last scene written for months. It was one of the first things I wrote. The last thing I wrote was the final flashback with Marlene. I added it last minute to tie things up a little neater.

- Repetition is my best friend, my soulmate, I couldn’t live without repetition

- LET STEVEN SAY FUCK!!! I think I got that from a fic where Marc was more hesitant to su duck than Steven. I really liked that

- My fave scene: the Elias talk and immediate aftermath in the backyard. It was originally going to be a grand confrontation where Jake gave a whole spiel and proudly proclaimed his name but… him asking for more sugar instead seemed more fitting

- Fave line: "Did you just say the f-word?" Sometimes, very rarely, I make myself exhale sharply through my nose in a mimicry of a laugh

- Fave moment: the “you’re not dodging” bit in the headspace. Kinda broke my own heart there ngl

- Yea there’s a reference to another one of my Jake fics, “quizás, quizás, quizás” in there.

- Yea there’s a Dane Whitman cameo

- Yea this was an extremely elaborate way for me to promote my Jake lockley has a sweet tooth agenda

[the-slytherin-writer-12]

Mischief and Foxy

Fandom: Teen Wolf

pairing: Stiles x reader

Warnings: drowning, the spaz we know as Stiles

Requested here

*credit to gif owner*

Mischief and Foxy.

AKA, Stiles and Y/N.

The two had been inseparable since kindergarten. It was snack time and she wanted to regular Doritos. But, someone had gotten the last pack. The teacher explained that she would have to get something else. So, Y/N sadly grabbed the Cool Ranch Doritos and walked to the benches, where she sat and ate her chips and drank her Capri-Sun.

Stiles, ever the observant one even at 6, went over and sat by her. He placed his red bag of Doritos in front of her. Y/N looked up, sniffling, and met his brown eyes. Stiles smiled a toothless smile at her.

“You can have mine, Y/N,” his small voice said. Her name came out a little messed up due to his missing teeth. Y/N wiped her watery eyes and nodded. She passed him the blue bag of chips and took the red one.

“Thank you, Stiles.”

From then on, they were inseparable. Constantly sharing snacks his mom packed, sleepovers with Scott too, and obviously, mischief.

While at a sleepover when they were 13, they were watching some action movie. Stiles, Y/N, and Scott were in the Stilinski living room while Mr. Stilinski was at the station. There was a blanket throw over the three of them and snacks and trash scattered everywhere. Y/N sat between the two boys, leaning against Stiles.

“You need a nickname,” Stiles spoke suddenly. The other two turned towards him questioningly. Stiles shrugged. “We both have one. I’m Mischief and Scott is Scoot. C‘mon.”

Scott nodded and laughed while Y/N frowned.

“Why am I always left out,” she wined playfully. Stiles rolled his eyes.

“That’s why we’re trying to figure out a nickname for you,” he retorted.

“What about Foxy?” Scott spoke up. The two turned to him. He shrugged. “What? You’re very sly like one. And when we were younger, you had a stuffed red fox. And then, our first Halloween as friends, you dressed up as a snow fox. It’s fitting.”

Y/N’s face brightened and she squealed.

“Yes! Yes! Please Stiles. Please?” She begged, dragging out the ‘e’ sound of the last please.

“Why are you begging me? It’s your name.”

Y/N squealed and hugged them both.

Now, at 17, they are practically joined at the hip. Where one goes, the other follows. That includes college.

The two decided to go to the FBI academy together. Even in their 9th grade year, they decided they wanted to work for the FBI. Together.

The Pack decided to have a summer party before everyone went to college. They ended up staying at Y/N’s grandmother’s lake house.

While having a dance party, Stiles turned to Y/N. He grabbed her hand to get her attention. She turned to him, her hair falling over her shoulders.

“Can we go down to the lake?” He asked. Y/N smiled brightly in response. He tugged her hand and walked towards the door. The others watched and Scott smiled knowingly.

As they walked through the dewy grass, the moonlight shone over them, they stayed quiet. They ended up at the dock, waves crashing onto the shore and spraying them ever so slightly.

Y/N stayed quiet, trusting him to talk when he was ready. She saw his ‘thinking’ ticks-hands running through his hair, drumming his fingers on his thigh, squeezing her hand occasionally.

“I,uh… I just wanted to talk, about the future,” he spoke softly. Y/N walked to where she was in front of him. She kept her hand in his, but reached up and brushed some hair out of his face, smiling softly when he scrunched his nose up and his eyebrows twitched. “I know college is a difficult time for-for most people. I know that friends drift away. But, I don’t want that. I don’t want to not have you. You’ve become such a integral part of my life. I’ve gotten so used to you being with me, being beside me. I want you- no I need you. I need you to be beside me. I don’t think I can live without you.”

Y/N’s heart broke at his desperate expression. As he talked, his grip on her hand got tighter. She dropped his hand and cupped his face. Stiles brought his hands and gripped her wrists. Tears were swimming in his eyes.

“Stiles, I’m not leaving you. I’m in for the long run. Nothing you do could get rid of me- not even murder,” she joked. Stiles chuckled and closed his eyes, resting head on hers and wrapped his arms around her in a hug. She did the same. After a while of embracing each other, she pulled back with a mischievous grin. “Now c’mon Mischief, let’s have some fun.”

She let go and dan towards the end of the dock. She took off her shoes and jacket, then jumped in. Stiles laughed at her and ran towards the end too. He took off his shoes too, rolled up his pants, and sat down. He dipped his feet into the cold water and shivered.

After a while of silence, Stiles began to get worried.

“Y/N?” He called out. He waited a beat and there still wasn’t a reply. He began to panic. “Y/N!”

He looked around the best he could in the moonlight and saw some ripples in the water a few feet ahead. Then, he saw a hand.

“Oh my- Y/N!”

He all but ripped his hoodie off and his shirt too. He dove into the water and was immediately cold. Swimming to the surface he sucked in air. Looking around, he saw the hand again. He frantically swam to her and blindly reached out to feel her.

He distantly heard the back door open and the others come out.

Stiles kept reaching out until he felt skin. He gasped and tried to grip the piece of skin. It was her arm. He pulled her towards him and he saw that she was unconscious.

“Stiles! What’s happening?” Scott yelled. Stiles breathed a sigh of relief- he knew he couldn’t do this by himself. He continued to hold her, not even paying attention to Scott or the others.

“She-she jumped in and-and-and I didn’t see or hear her so I j-jumped in too,” he explained, looking her over. Her face had paled and despite the summer, her lips started getting a darker tint to them. He pulled her to his chest and swam the best he could. Her head rested in his shoulder.

“Ok. Give us a second. Theo is going to jump in and help you get her to the shore.”

Stiles heard a splash behind him followed by the feeling of someone swimming behind him. Theo swam in front of him.

“We’ll both carry her to the shore. You can’t swim and carry her at the same time,” Theo explained. Stiles hesitated but nodded.

The two grabbed one of her arms and swam towards the dock. Scott, Lydia, and Liam were all there to help get them up.

Once at the dock, Stiles and Theo lifted Y/N up and Scott and Liam dragged her onto the wood. Then, they helped the two soaking wet boys climb up-Stiles scrambled up.

When he got up there he immediately went to Y/N’s side. Scott was already at her side, checking her pulse and listening for breathing.

“She’s not breathing. We’re gonna have to do CPR,” Scott said, panicked. Stiles’s eyes widened.

“Can you do it?” He asked the Alpha. Scott nodded and the proceeded to do CPR. He latched his fingers together, placed them on her chest, and started doing compressions. After about 6 compressions, he opened her mouth and breathed into her.

This went on a few times until her eyes shot open and she coughed up water.

Stiles immediately rushed to where he was sitting in front of her and made sure she could breathe. Once he was sure she wasn’t having difficulty, he pulled her into a hug.

“Oh, gosh. Oh my….Y/N,” he muttered. The amount of relief he felt could only compare to when he rescued his dad from Jennifer Blake. Y/N clung to Stiles and sobbed into his neck. She gripped his shirt and put a hand in his hair, pulling it. But Stiles didn’t seem to mind-at all.

The others looked to Stiles, to see if they needed anything else. Stiles shook his head and they left. He mouthed a ‘thank you’ to Theo who nodded and walked away.

Y/N pulled away and looked at Stiles. He looked back into her e/c eyes and smiled. He brought his hands up to her face and wiped off the moisture- he couldn’t tell if it was tears or the lake water.

“What happened?” He asked quietly. Y/N sniffled and brought up her hand to wipe her nose off.

“I was swimming and was going to surprise you by sneaking up on you. But my foot got caught in some plants underwater and I couldn’t move. I tried- oh I tried to yell but I wasn’t about water,” she explained, tears coming to her eyes once again. Stiles shushed her gently and put his hands on either side of her face. Her brought her head forward and kissed her forehead, leaving his lips against it.

“Never do that again, please.” His lips brushed against her forehead, sending an unknown feeling through her body.

Y/N glanced up at him and nodded.

“I’m sorry Stiles.”

Stiles smiled and hugged her again. He pulled back quickly though.

“Let’s go inside Foxy. We need to warm up. I’ll even let you wear one of my hoodies,” he teased. Y/N rolled her eyes but smiled.

They stood up together and he tried to walk off, but she tugged him back by the hand. He looked confused until her lips met his. He was shocked for a second but kissed back. His arms found her waist and hers found his neck.

Pulling back when they remembered oxygen was a thing, they were both blushing and smiling. But Y/N’s turned into a smirk and she let go of him. She walked towards the house but turned around again.

“I was gonna wear the hoodie anyway Stilinski.”

[you-will-return]

For once, I'm actually doing what I said I'd do in a timely manner.

So this will be jacket post part two: electric boogaloo, bc I didn't want the other one to get too long.

Anyway so yesterday I finished all the sewing (you'll see what I mean) and on Wednesday I finished the painting at Maxi's place (who btw came over and helped me finish my uni stuff so everybody go thank Maxi bc otherwise I'd still be sitting here crying over my shitty printer.... anyways)

Let's get to it

Here we have the front of the jacket (I'll show the collar area in more detail in a sec). On the right pocket I added my LOTSAD pin (yes, I still think the abbreviation is funny), originally I wanted to put the Blind Channel one there but then I realized 'sewing inside of a pocket sucks ass, as does sewing through two layers of jean fabric at once', so here we are. The sewing doesn't look very clean but fuck it (it's just rock'n'roll, okay I'll shut up). Maxi told me 'It would've looked better if you had cross stitched it' to which i replied 'Honey, I'm just glad that it's on there'. Anywho underneath the ghost, between the buttons I added the word(s) 'care fully' (which can be read as one or two words and I kinda like that. It's a Mitski reference but also I just love playing with language).

Here we have the LOTSAD pin (and shitty sewing job) in more detail and as you can see I finally added the GIANTS pin above the Get Up coward.

The Joonas smiley got some company. Tbh sewing the beads on like this was so much easier than trying to sew on the pins.

More beads!!! I decided to make the rays two-colored bc why not? And I know the bead placement is a bit on the nose, but eh who cares? Also I added the birds last minute bc freedom and the sea and all that (in my heart they're evil lil seagulls).

(This is nothing new but I just wanted to show it to y'all colored in)

From bottom to top: The knife (!!) is finally colored in and I couldn't be happier. Imagine walking by someone and then boom KNIFE!! (I hope you can tell how much I love this stupid bloody knife). Above this I added one of my favourite songs off of the new album. But yeah it has a star in the middle, bc they're burning (again lost an arm and a leg on the creativity). And you might notice that these beads are different, and that's bc I did this arrangement at home, where I had a greater variety available :)

My favourite part of the jacket, still. It's so simple and yet it just works. Again, I know that you've seen this before but I just wanted to show it outlined and coloured in :)

Now for the back:

Top to bottom: since my collar is usually down, I put the Watching Over Me mainly here for myself, but it's for good reason. This lyric really means a lot to me on a personal level and it's from the first MCR song I ever listened to (so it's double special), so no one but me (and you guys now haha) has to see it or know it's there, but I still wanted it to be included. Secondly: the Bad Idea back piece is done!!! Yaay!! And the roses don't look like colored in 8s anymore (double yay!!). I'll admit it looks pretty edgy (what about this jacket doesn't) but I really enjoyed painting it. I think I might have also done it out of spite for my 9th grade English teacher, who, after I had done a presentation abt MCR, told me:"Nice presentation. But Anna, all that blood and gore? Is that really necessary?" Yes, yes it is ma'am.

Lastly: the rest of the back. Yeah I kinda just went ham with the beads and pins, but it was fun (for the most part). Bottom to top: The 747 is finally colored in, bc of its position it's kinda reminiscent of an incomplete license plate but if you knew my history with this number, you'd agree that it makes this just that much more fitting.

Above it the Blind Channel beads, kind of as a summary of everything above them.

Then we have Balboa (why is there a heart bead? Bc Maxi had some lying around and I thought it looked pretty). I really like this song and I would give a lot for that skeleton Breakdowns for Breakfast t-shirt.

Above Balboa we have a part of glory for the greedy. No deeper reason for why it's here just 'mwah'. This was the first bead arrangement I sewed on btw and lemme tell you it was a struggle.

Talking about struggle we have the Don't Fix Me pin arrangement that made me want to throw myself into a river. I struggled so much with this but I ended up really liking it. Pink + edgy??? Fuck yeah, that's what I live for. I know the song itself is not everyone's favourite, but I've been listening to it on repeat ever since it came out so lol

Lastly we have the Left To Die beads (yes alive or only burning, again, that song has been living in my head rent free ever since I first listened to the album and not just bc of the jupiter line haha). When I first heard the chorus I was like 'huh' and then i thought about it some more and I was like 'hUH?!?', anywho needless to say this lyric hits me every single time (:

Soooo.... that's the jacket. Edgy, wonky and with a certain.... diy-charm.

Hope you enjoyed this journey and its outcome as much as I did.

Bonus: The diy saftey pin necklace (by me) and saftey pin earrings (by Maxi), that I'll probs wear at the concert. Alongside a Revenge bracelet that I wanted to sew onto the jacket but sadly didn't know where to put.

[apenitentialprayer]

Any advice or readings for someone who would like to get back into Christianity but is scared to? And who finds it hard to believe?

I grew up in a Christian household (kinda- my dad was religious and we sometimes went to chruch but there was also a lot of turmoil in my home, so while we were religious we weren't exactly RELIGIOUS. If that makes sense.) and God used to be a great comfort for me. Back then, I think I used to think of Him and Jesus separately from actual religion. I believed for the most part, and I prayed, and it would make me feel better.

My first doubts of His existence was in a 9th grade science class. For obvious reasons. I remember feeling really depressed about it. That was almost 9 years ago. I've struggled on and off with my belief since then, but within the last few years, it seems I've just completely lost my ability to believe anymore. I have a lot of bad things in my life, a lot of bad things have happened TO me. I suffer with chronic major depression as well as a disability I got after graduating high school.

The thing is, despite my doubts, I've tried renewing my faith but when I began getting too deep into it, I got scared. I feel like I'll never be able to fully commit my life to God and after hearing people say that unless I do that I'm doomed or whatever, it frightens me. So I ran from it all. And now I'm back to square one, only this time I'm not sure if can get back in. If I can believe again.

Sorry if this ask is all over the place my thoughts are scattered at the moment! And btw I'm aware I be putting a lot of pressure on you to help me find God again or whatever but please don't feel burdened. You can lead a horse to water but can't force it to drink and all that haha

Hey, anon. First and foremost, I want you to know that I am praying for you. And no matter what decisions you make, what path you start going down, I will continue to pray for you.

Since you asked for a reading, I would really recommend Mere Christianity, which goes over the basics and offers a little bit of a defense for major Christian doctrine - though if it's specifically science stuff that has the doubts coming in, I don't know how helpful it will be in that regard. I might recommend The Problem of Pain, also by C.S. Lewis, if you're okay with at least being open to some pills that are difficult to swallow.

I'm now going to offer three pieces of advice; and if they're not helpful, feel free to ignore them.

First, it is okay to live with conceptions about the world that are in tension with one another. Very few people have thoughts running around their head that are completely consistent and non-contradictory. We're human, with divided loyalties to different values, and limited in our perception. That does not mean that we shouldn't be looking for truth; but we don't have to fit into neat little ideological boxes, and we definitely don't have to be certain about every little thing about a lifestyle in order to start practicing the basics of that lifestyle. If we waited until we were 100% certain of a course of action before starting that course of action... well, there would be a lot of things in life that wouldn't get started. Second, there will be times, even among "religious" people, where God doesn't seem particularly real or active. The spiritual life is unfortunately not all sunshine and rainbows. I know that there are definitely times where I struggle to live as if I believe in a God. But the thing about faith is that it is not quite synonymous with belief. Even if I have my doubts, I can still have faith; one can still live their life as if there is a God without being one hundred percent certain there is one. It's the act of surrender, of placing your trust into this idea who is hopefully not just an idea but a living Person, that is important.

Third, and most importantly, it's okay to keep it simple for now. If this desire to renew your faith is overwhelming, or if you get nervous or scared at the potential gravity of this, that's okay. But you don't need to look at this as an all or nothing thing yet. Start slow. If you want to do more, by all means do more, but maybe start with five minutes of prayer every day. Talk to God. Tell Him your doubts. Tell Him your frustrations. But also talk about your day. Sit there silently and just think of Him, if nothing comes to mind. Faith is a relationship, and sometimes it takes time to get comfortable with relationships, right?

[moonnightyoongi]

puzzle piece | jk

pairing: jungkook x reader

genre: angst, angst, ANGST

word count: 1.8k

description: you just seemed to fit like a puzzle piece

                                     ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You don’t really remember where or how it started. The desire to love, to be loved. Of course, it is simply human nature, the ancient thought that when you are made you are split in two and you spend your life searching for your other half. Except in this day and age that is a thing of the past for some, they simply spend their life by themselves and they enjoy it. But where does that desire go? Surely it just doesn’t disappear – perhaps theirs gets projected onto the one that comes after them. The double desire to find and be loved. The double desire that eats away at them all night and is quickly put on the back burner during the day when they find a measly distraction. If that’s the case, then you are the one that came after. Growing up you were not deprived of love; your parents loved every bone of you, and you had a fair share of friends who would do anything to see you smile. But it all started when you hit the age of dating, everyone seemed to have it so easy, but you always went for the wrong guy or the guy who loved another or you were simply left alone in the corner of the dance while everyone slowed danced and the teachers watched with hawk eyes to make sure they didn’t get too close. No really. 9th grade, the boy who had asked you conveniently got back with his ex while you went to the toilet, and worst of all you couldn’t go cry in the toilets because you had just come out of them!

All your friends say your time will come. But it’s easy for them to tell you all the cliché things when they had met the perfect partner for them. They were happy and content, living in a world where they don’t need to think about anyone else because they had each other. No dating apps, no more awkward first dates, no more unanswered texts, no late-night cries when you receive the ‘you’re great but…’ texts. Just blissfully unaware of the hell on earth that is dating for people who don’t have it as easy as they do.

Jealousy. It’s hard not to be jealous when you go to their house warmings, or their dinner parties or that one engagement party. It’s hard. Sure, you were happy for them, because at least they weren’t feeling the hell and the social pressure to not be alone for the rest of your life. They don’t get the judgemental looks from the bitchy aunt that definitely didn’t have a rushed marriage when she was your age because she was pregnant (definitely didn’t happen – your cousin was 100% premature).

You hear about love languages and how everyone has a specific one, everyone said they knew yours from a mile away – words of affirmation. ‘You constantly need to hear that someone loves you or that they’re proud or that they haven’t changed their mind. Isn’t it tiring?’. Yes, it was extremely tiring, tiring to be constantly trying to tell yourself that you’re being foolish, and they do still love you and they are proud - yet still having the nagging feeling in the back of your mind that it’s all a lie.

“Any dates lined up?” Yuki asks as she scrolls through her phone.

You sigh and put down your drink, “No. I’m done.”

“You said that year and then met that awful dude that thought he was better than you,” Anastasia chimed in.

“He was better than me,” you reply thinking of the doctor and all his PhD’s. Sure, he was an awful person who liked to bring up just how many he had but he had every right to, he had earnt them.

“Just because he had a few pieces of paper doesn’t mean he’s better than you. You have a personality, he didn’t.” Anastasia scoffs stirring her coffee.

You shrug your shoulders as you look out the window, “He’s engaged now.”

“Poor girl,” Yuki laughs putting down her phone, “Does she have any degrees?”

Yuki and Anastasia laugh at the memory of you introducing your ex and him straight away asking if they had any sort of degree between them. Looking back, it made you feel sick to your stomach, he was so rude, and you were so desperate.

“PhD.” You reply.

“Just the one?!” Yuki exclaims, “Disgusting!”

They both laugh once more as you sat silently staring at the half empty coffee expressionless. It was easy to joke about exes when they weren’t yours.

“Listen, a new guy started at my work and he is so much like you I wanna set you two up,” Anastasia says.

“I don’t know, remember the last set up?” you point out. He was a whole foot smaller than you and at one point you had to help him reach something from the second shelf in the supermarket. Ironically, he didn’t want to meet again because you were too small.

“That was my mistake, I didn’t realise he wanted a 6ft girl,” Anastasia tells you, “Come on! He’s lovely, he’s taller than me and the other day he split coffee down himself.”

“So that means he’s perfect for me?”

“A match made,” she smiles, “Please!”

“I’d just do it; how bad could it be?” Yuki points out as you fumbled with your jumper.

“Getting shouted at in aisle 5 because you couldn’t reach the top shelf bad,” you joke. They both burst out into laughter once more as you sighed and watched the rain fall to the ground outside the coffee shop.

“Fine,” you sigh, “What’s his name?”

“Jungkook,” Anastasia smiles.

~.♥ ~

The lead up to the date was the worst, Anastasia constantly went on about how clumsy he was and how perfect you would be together – her favourite story was him walking into the glass door and simply shaking it off before going into a meeting. With every new story it bought up a sense of hope – but even you knew this was dangerous. For what one thinks is cute and endearing another finds childish and immature. What if he wasn’t as cute and as clumsy as Anastasia constantly explained – what if it was because he saw someone cute in the office and got distracted and he was now using you to make her jealous.

“Stop overthinking,” Yuki demands snapping you out of your thoughts.

“How did you-?”

“I’ve known you far too long. You’re either overthinking or over romanticising.”

You smile sadly before looking back into the mirror and applying some more blush. Maybe it was all the fairy tales growing up that made you this way, or maybe it was the tv shows. Either way they had both set you up for failure.

“Jungkook is on his way to the restaurant. It’s under my name,” Anastasia smiles walking into the room with her phone in hand, “Tae said good luck!”

“So does Jae,” Yuki smiles.

“I need it,” you mutter standing up and fixing your dress, “What do I do if he doesn’t show?”

“He’s on his way,” Anastasia sighs.

“What if he goes to the wrong restaurant?”

“They won’t seat him because my name won’t be on the list of reservations.”

“What if they don’t do reservations?” you challenge.

“You’re annoying me. He’s on his way to the right restaurant where he will give in my name and will be seated waiting for you.”

“But-,”

“Stop! Get in the taxi,” Anastasia shouts cutting you off. You drop your head as you walk down the stairs sheepishly. Anything could happen, you could arrive before him and he could look at you and change his mind. He could arrive before you and when you walk in scream and run out the back entrance. Everything was a possibility.

“Anastasia,” you smile nervously to the hostess.

“This way, your party is waiting for you,” she smiles kindly. Party? How many where here? Did Anastasia set up a conveyer belt to give you your best shot? You don’t think you could handle multiple rejections in one night.

Walking into the dining room you spotted him straight away. He was staring out the window, his leg twitching under the table – so much so he knocked over the pepper. His red face made you flutter and as you got closer the butterflies became more and more active. He was as clumsy as Anastasia had described and a lot cuter than she had as well.

“Your table,” the hostess smiles placing the menu down and walking away.

“Y/N,” Jungkook smiles standing up quickly, “I’m Jungkook!”

“Hi, nice to meet you,” you smile pulling the chair out.

“I should have pulled your chair out for you, shouldn’t I?” he wonders aloud.

“No, because if you couldn’t push it back in, I’d probably overheat with embarrassment,” you laugh pulling your chair in and hitting your hip on the table, “Fuck!”

The restaurant stares at you as you held back anymore swearing.

“Very hard table,” Jungkook jokes before they resume, “Are you okay?”

“I’ve got shivers.”

“You’ll have a bruise tomorrow,” he laughs as you finally sit down.

“I bruise so easily; my whole left side will be.”

“My friend is the same, he once caught his ankle on the door and couldn’t wear a shoe for weeks. The whole thing was swollen. He used all the ice in my freezer too,” Jungkook laughs.

“What about the ice in his freezer?”

“We live together so I guess he used all of his too,” he replied.

You laugh loudly as you opened the menu, all the anxiety had melted away when he smiled in your direction.

~.♥ ~

Days had turned into months and months had turned into a year. There was something about him that was so different from everyone you had met before. Nothing you did was ever childish or embarrassing and the same for him. You two just seemed to fit like a puzzle piece. He made you laugh, he made you feel safe, he made sure you knew he loved you. Whether it was by sending you a midday message when you were in work, or whether it was a cheesy video of him kissing the screen. He would bring ramen when you were stressed, and alcohol when it was time to celebrate. You would attend parties together and would spend all night dancing, drinking and laughing. You finally felt happy when attending engagement parties, housewarming parties and everything else that used to fill your social calendar with dread.

It’s just a shame it was all a lie.

masterlist | tell me what you think

[veiledsilver]

Top five moments you've felt like the universe was messing with you.

Oh boy everyone get ready this is a long list. In descending order, from mildly funny looking back on it to "oh god oh shit oh fuck":

5. Catfishing: College Edition

In 6th grade, I decided to apply to colleges early to see how they were like. I was scared that if they knew I was too young, they'd arrest me. So I created a gmail account as my persona, a white 12th grader named Emilie Alexander. Emilie was planning to go into nursing, dating a high school linebacker named Kyle Kenderson, and deathly allergic to bee stings. If she even came near a bee, she would die.

This part was of the utmost importance.

See, I was constantly paranoid that one day, the jig would be up- I might forget that my fake last name was Alexander. Or the college dean might come knocking at my door and tear up my home in his mad search for Emilie. If that happened I would fake her tragic death, presumably caused by one big fucking bee.

I secretly collected my information. What nearby states were the prettiest to visit. Which colleges were the safest and most affordable. How often they held courses that I liked. In my emails with colleges I tried to sound as mature and professional as possible.

Then, one day, a college member asked me what high school I was in, so they could check my records.

My blood froze.

It was time to bring out the bee.

In response to their question, I sent an email that was like this:

"Dear Mr. McLaughlin, I was a proud graduate of- ugh! Ah! Kyaaaa! Uwaa! W-w-what's this... huge goddamn bee doing here?! Eek, pardon my foul language! It's just that, as I told you earlier, being stung by a bee would kill me.... and now it's stung me thrice (three times)!!

What do I do?! I can't die... I've always wanted to attend your beautiful college...

But this is... the end...

Mr. McLaughlin...

*looks at you sadly*

Tell... my mother... I loved her...

*dies*"

He never responded, probably because he was rendered speechless, but I never touched that account again.

My private gmail for fun stuff like tumblr still has "Alexander" as a surname, though.

4. Wild and Authentic

Alright. Alright. So. My art teacher in middle school.

Right off the bat, they endeared themselves to the tumblr art kids- they proudly used they/them pronouns, dyed their hair vibrant colors, deeply encouraged OC creation, and was chill with any art style even if it was anime. Mx. Mason was very cool, except for one thing.

We had complete artistic freedom when it came to their assignments, EXCEPT FOR ONE THING.

Drumroll, please.

Take a deep breath if you must.

Ready?

...

Cats had to have extremely distinct whisker pores.

YES, they believed that modern depictions of cats were too streamlined. Too... idealized. As a cat owner themselves, they were convinced that society's vision of cats did not do their feral feline ancestors justice. In making their faces flawlessly smooth-furred, we were stripping the cat of its true nature.

I found this out the hard way, when I was drawing warrior cats fanart for class (it was of Firestar cuddled in the arms of an orange haired anime catgirl who was his reincarnation in my first ever comic series, Warriors Neko Desu! ♡ Heart Academy Dokidoki).

Mx. Mason came over to look at my magnum opus, and I expected them to have their socks knocked off at my artistic talent. They lifted up my drawing for all to see, and I smugly leaned back in my seat.

Only for them to launch into a passionate lecture about how, in neglecting to draw whisker pores on cats, I was DENYING THIS FICTIONAL CAT OF ITS WILD AUTHENTIC SELF.

My friends absolutely lost it when I told them this story, and there was a period of time when all our discord nicknames were wild and authentic too.

As for Firestar and his counterpart Hoshineko Orenji-chan, I never did give them wild authentic whisker holes, but that's to be expected of a kittypet, I guess.

3. Stan Jungkook Or Whatever

A couple years ago, my family and I flew to Seoul, South Korea, to visit our relatives and teach me more about my heritage. It was very nice! I got to visit shrines and festivals and palaces, and I was in awe that this was what my ancestors had once seen in their daily lives.

Then, when we went to the modern side of Korea, I realized just how much I didn't fit in.

It was clear that I didn't know how to act, or how to speak Korean, and I spent my days fumbling around and getting scammed multiple times by salesmen. But I clowned myself the most... during an interactive event with kpop stars.

They had this experimental event where holograms of the boys would sing onstage and dance in place of the actual idols. Before the show began, girls could stand in booths that scanned their appearances, and holograms of THEM could dance onstage with the hologram boys.

I didn't know this.

When Cousin Ae-cha told me to step inside one of the machines, I thought I'd be hilarious and stand backwards, so it would scan the back of me instead of my front. As I walked out, I saw other girls putting on their best makeup, cutest clothes, and most expensive accessories, and I slowly realized that I was in danger.

But the danger didn't come until halfway through the concert, where the boys looked eagerly off-stage and a holy staircase appeared and all the hologram girls descended from heaven. There were cherry blossoms. There were roses. There was me, among the crowd of beautiful airbrushed girls, walking backwards.

I felt the judgemental gazes of twenty girls and their mothers.

Each boy danced with a girl, who got a cute animated moment with special effects, and sang about how they found a dream girl to have a true love romance with. Finally, all the girls vanished except one, and it was me.

One of the boys didn't dance with any girls, and now he was all alone in the rain, feeling dejected that HE did not find his true love girl to have a dream romance with. Then the rain stopped, the sun came out, and I emerged. Still backwards.

He was thrilled and sang about how my face (that he didn't see) stole his heart, and now everyone in the audience was giggling, and he slowly brought me very close to kiss me... but because I was backwards, his nose was cutely nuzzling my hair.

The audience members- at least the adults- were now laughing their asses off. His lips met the back of my head, and together we vanished into the wind.

I'd say I couldn't show my face there ever again, but I never did show my face, so... hm...

2. Horrid Little Temptress

If I wasn't a minor, I'd need a drink before starting this story. Sadly, I cannot drown my sorrows- and neither should you after you hear this, because it's only fair.

Mrs. Appleby was my Spanish teacher in like, 9th grade. Even the wild and authentic art teacher thought she was insane. Appleby forced kids to brew tea for her and yelled at them when they didn't get it right, and I thought she had a chronic squint until I realised she just did that to mock me and my Asian eye-folds. She forced us to watch Dora the Explorer to "absorb knowledge." Everyone fucking hated Mrs. Appleby.

But the worst thing she ever did... was during the school festival.

See, whenever she's angry, she zooms right into kids' faces to scream at them. Her wrinkled flesh would blot out the goddamn sun and all you see are her bloodshot yellow eyeballs so victims just stayed rooted to the spot like cornered animals or something similar. This is important.

Because when she was sampling her own brownies (read: hoarding them so no one else could eat them), one parent foolishly decided to grab one and she thought it was a student and she grabbed his wrist so hard she could've nearly snapped it and... and... zoomed into his face.

Except she underestimated his height and kissed him by accident, but it was more like her mouth was sucking in his face like a vacuum.

His wife was shrieking like an ape. His kid, my classmate, saw his social life flash before his eyes.

In her defense, she did not mouth to mouth with him on purpose and afterwards she cried in the bathroom and when I foolishly followed her in to comfort her, because I am a teacher's pet through and through, she snatched the paper towels I got for her and wailed that she was a-

A-

HORRID LITTLE TEMPTRESS.

If I had decided to not be kind, I never would've heard that string of fucking words. But I did. And I paid for it dearly. The end.

1. Violence IS The Answer, Sometimes

Thomas, my dearly detested.

Back in sixth grade, I used to have a crush on him because he had the surfer boy look with nicely tanned skin and pale blond hair and the clearest aquamarine eyes I've ever seen. He also liked surfing and swimming. He seemed like the perfect little trophy waifu except for one absolute dealbreaker.

He and his parents were extremely conservative and so, when I told him I liked him, his response was basically "haha no you're a [slur] and would probably eat my dog."

I was horrified and ran away to cry. But then, by the next day, I decided I needed to punish him. Thomas walked in before class started and I was waiting for him with these hands. I kicked him so he doubled over, slammed his face into his chair's seat, and quickly clambered on top of him to SIT ON THE BACK OF HIS HEAD. He started shaking and twitching and trying to pry me off, but eventually he went limp and stopped moving.

I thought he fell asleep, but Mohammed, another classmate who was bullied by Thomas, told me that Thomas might never wake up again (not that he was very sad about this. I didn't know until later, but Thomas said slurs at him too).

While I was sitting on the guy, he'd straight up passed out from the lack of oxygen.

Screaming and crying, I told our homeroom teacher that Thomas suddenly fainted, and she was the type of Caucasian that thought all little Asian kids were sweet and innocent, so it didn't even cross her mind that? It might've been me? Who sat on his head when she walked in?

He was sent home early that day. I had to go to a different school next year because Thomas's mom threatened legal action. The only reason I didn't get punished further was because my rich cousins out-Karen'd her and donated a huge amount of money to the school to keep them quiet.

Anyway, I never did anything that insane ever again, because something like that is enough for a lifetime. My cousins made it clear they would never back me up again. I was sure this whole event would be put behind me, too.

But last fall, during my first day of online learning... who did I see in my zoom meeting... BUT THOMAS! I had my mic and camera off, but the moment he saw my name, his face went pale. His soul would've left his body, but then it would've gone to hell, so it wisely decided to stay inside.

Still, out of shame and embarrassment, I never turned my camera on for the rest of the school year.