#the way i feel about gender and my relationship with being nb makes me think about this a lot and idk who else can relate but

[concerto-roblox]

honestly i cannot explain the gender feelings i get sometimes. like i see a picture of a man and i think "god i wanna be him" or "god that's so me" but not like. i don't want to look exactly like him or be percieved as a man at all (like not even in a butch or gnc way i skew pretty femme most of the time)... but it's like if i was that man but also a woman that would be epic... or if that man was a woman he would be so me but also if he was still a man?? what is gender.

[daisybees]

not to stop being fun and cool and chill on main but i’ve been super dysphoric about my chest lately and it’s really starting to get to me

[officialspec]

can you pleeeeease post your dm sexuality/gender hcs on here.... 🥺 i don't have a twitter but i wanna know. it's like a pandora's box to me now i'm like scratching at the door. let me in

heres the link 2 the thread (mild spoilers btw) ill post a transcript under the cut for ppl who dont have twitter

first off i think laios relationship to sex is super removed for like 50 reasons without even getting into his actual sexuality

he grew up in a place with very repressed ideas about sex and has a lot of fear about asserting his presence in situations

his special interest takes precedent over any social interactions he has and the level of closeness he feels towards people

he has a hard time figuring out his feelings towards other people both bc hes autistic and bc he has freaky deviantart fetishes that make sex in his mind a very abstract concept <- this one is me projecting mostly

that aside, i feel like gender-wise hes attracted to ppl so infrequently it may as well be entirely case-by-case

the idea of him being gay appeals to me from the 'raised with traditional values he Does Not fit into/hasnt begun to question it yet' perspective, i lauve characters who put a lot of stock into performing a role thats expected of them and fail miserably for unknown (gay) reasons

from his perspective tho i dont think he would ever really label himself anything. hes going to pride parades in the shirt+shorts Ally Fit to clap for his friends

hes also 'cis by indifference' imo... i love tmasc laios hcs it just doesnt mesh w his personal history to me. i do think hes got some kind of therian gender thing going on (not trans or nb but a secret third thing) but i cant see him changing anything abt his appearance/pronouns to accommodate that post-canon. hes just doin his thang

falin is in a similar boat for gender. i LOOVE tfem falin but the village repression thing has been bugging at me so i dont think i subscribe to it anymore (canon purist sorry) BUT if u hold that hc i am clapping and cheering regardless

instead i was propagandised to a while back and i LOVEEE the idea that being fused w a male dragon and the residual traits she has after being revived have given her a type of gender euphoria she didnt realise she was missing. a little boygirl swagger if u will

sexuality-wise i also dont think she would care to label herself, shes a lesbian by virtue of only being interested in One woman and zero other people. without marcille i do think shes still exclusively attracted to women, and i like to imagine she might experiment around a bit during her travels post-canon (pre-relationship). hearing abt it might put marcille on the news though

marcille is very simple That is a transfem lesbian. she cant get pregnant, shes obsessed w being femme and all that combined w her half-tallman struggles to be seen as 'properly feminine' by elf standards reads very transfeminine to Me. also her bookboy crush REEKS of comphet its not subtle

i think a more comfortable marcy might have the space to experiment w being elf butch like her manga boys but thats mainly self indulgence for me. utena could have saved her

senshi is gay his whole thing is abt not being able to perform dwarven masculinity to a proper standard (soft hearted, not as strong or rugged as his peers) which is like gaycoding 101. also hes a bear. homosexuality be damned by boy can work a grill

adding onto this i rly think senshi got some type of euphoria from being an elf in the changeling chapters. he was feeling himself so much i think he was using it as an outlet to have fun being a little fem and fruity without needing to justify it. do u understand

i dont have any particular opinions abt him gender-wise beyond that. his bulge is an essential part of his character design but i also saw a transmasc senshi a couple days ago that made me nod my head thoughtfully so i could go either way

chilchuck is cis and bisexual this is just canon. not even just his old man crush on senshi altho i do think thats very funny but they put his ass on a cover themed like hes in a dating sim with all the men and women in the cast and then slapped it in front of a chapter called "bicorn". i simply cant pass up that kind of overt signaling. its so fucking funny what else is there to say truly

izu to ME is a transmasc aroace lesbian (this one has the least basis in canon i just know it to be true) shes a little genderfluid with it nd uses he/she i think. i like to imagine she consistently uses masculine personal pronouns to refer to herself either way tho (boku, ore)

i think izutsumis gender/sexuality is entirely secondary in priorities to her body dysphoria. she has a lot of learning and acceptance 2 do before that kind of self discovery is on the docket and in my mind eschewing gender on some level is part of that. get sillay

shuro is cishet but at least he feels bad about it. next listen listen to me i dont think he would ever actually examine this but i need u to put on ur tin foil hat with me for one second. i think estrogen could have saved her. i have more thoughts on this but im not gonna propagandise too much on this post just know that im right

kabru is a transmasc bisexual this is also practically text. his whole thing of being treated like a doll by milsiril to put in pretty dresses, plus i think it would be pretty easy for him to stealth in the west since tallmen are seen as inherently more masculine than elves

(i also think changing genders is just more common for elves. theyre androgynous enough that it wouldnt be hard and like who in their right miiiiind would be the same gender for 500 years. dwarves too)

i think he started presenting as male socially in the west but didnt need to consider medical transition until he moved to a more mixed culture where other races might see him as a woman

i dont have to explain the bisexual part. have u seen him

namari is a butch bisexual this is just canon straight up. shes not transmasc but i think the default settings for dwarven women is like 4 years of T regardless. shes a hit at all the local cruising spots despite her renfaire nerdisms i know this

and just bc im thinking abt em kiki and kaka are identical and kiki is tfem :} theyre both attracted to women but kaka is a sub so i forgive him

THATS ALL 4 NOW theres a lot of characters so i cant have thoughts abt all of them at once but i hope this was good. im right about everything forever as per usual

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for deadnaming my ex-friend as a coping mechanism?

I’m trans (ftm 18) before people immediately vote YTA. That doesn’t make me automatically correct, but hopefully it convinces people to actually read the story. (Or you can skip to the TDLR)

Not going into detail because it’s not super relevant. When I was younger, I had this really shitty manipulative friend. All the typical stuff, told me they would hurt themselves if I left them or did something they didn’t like, said my other friends were faking their mental illnesses, that I wasn’t actually trans / was faking, lied about having cancer etc etc whatever. Sounds really obvious they were bad news looking back but you know how it is.

Me and “Mila” were both friends with them, and both managed to finally cut them off with each others support, about 2 years ago. Needless to say, this relationship really fucked both of us up.

Last year, Mila moved a few states away. We still keep in touch over text, and occasionally the topic of Ex-Friend comes up, especially if she’s going through a breakdown. About the same time she moved away, Ex-Friend came out as non binary and goes by a new name.

I still have to go to a smallish school with Ex-Friend. It’s difficult being in the same room as them so you can imagine why this is the problem.

However, since coming out, they look pretty different and have a different name….it’s kind of easier to pretend like I don’t even know them.

I also know they were probably really going through it when we used to be friends, and in a lot of ways it feels better to attribute all those bad actions to their Deadname, someone who doesn’t exist anymore, and I never have to see. Separating “Shitty Ex-Friend” from “Person I have to see most days at school” really helps me like…go to school and exist in the same place as them without totally breaking down.

So if me and Mila ever talk about them, I refer to them by their deadname (still correct pronouns, if that makes any difference). Mila does know they came out as NB (I mentioned it to her), but doesn’t know that they changed their name so she isn’t complicit in this or anything it’s 100% on me. I don’t deadname them to anyone else if I ever need to talk about them, just Mila.

I know this is a stupid coping mechanism but does it make me an asshole?

On one hand, I don’t think people need to be “good people” to be correctly gendered — intentionally deadnaming someone because you don’t like them is shitty. On the other hand, that’s not why I’m doing this, and my actions aren’t realistically impacting them or any other trans person, because I’m only using their deadname with one person who lives very far away, won’t ever run into them, and won’t talk about them with anyone else.

TDLR; I still call my manipulator by their deadname while talking to one specific person about them, because it helps me pretend that they’re a different person when I have to be in the same small school as them.

[genderkoolaid]

Hi!

I (24 nb) am having a serious issue with girls my age being quite misandric and using radfem rhetoric in their speech.

The issue is I understand their fear and mistrust of men in patriarchy and with many of them having horror stories to share about bad heterosexual relationships. But i am deeply uncomfortable with misandry and i don't know how to effectively point out that no it's not good feminism to hate on men.

Do you have any resources you could recommend me to build a good argument? I want to be prepared for this kind of discussion because it keeps happening more and more frequently.

I know it's not the main topic you cover on your blog but as it is closely related to transandrophobia I was hoping you (or your followers) could still give me some advice.

I wish you a wonderful day

My advice would be to start with talking about the negative impact of misandry on women first (although don't use the word misandry, at least at first). Starting off with "it hurts men" in any regard will likely not go over well, but if you first bring up the issue in relation to a group they already really care about, they'll be more likely to listen. Also, I would reaffirm that having trauma or bad associations with men isn't the problem, they aren't obligated to associate with men in ways that make them uncomfortable or exhausted, and that they have a right to feel their emotions, be angry, be annoyed, etc. Affirm that your concern is with how their actions and attitudes could be causing real harm to others, and that anger being valid does not mean you don't need to take responsibility for how you choose to act.

Some potential talking points:

When women are perceived as manly or masculine, they tend to get viewed with the worst traits of masculinity: butches and trans women are seen as aggressive, violent predators who prey on sweet, feminine straight/cis women. The patriarchy doesn't just hurt women through their femininity, but through their (real or perceived masculinity as well.

Even inside queer spaces, butches are expected to fulfill toxic masculinity: they are expected to be sexually dominant tops, not be emotionally or physically "weak," not do feminine things, etc. Butches can get ridiculed by others, even partners, for not fulfilling these things. Things like balding and small penises, that are traditionally seen as failures of masculinity in the patriarchy, are also made fun of in queer spaces; it seems like queer spaces have issues with how they deal with (real or perceived) masculinity.

When spaces make jokes about hating men, put a lot of emphasis on gatekeeping men, etc., it makes it a lot harder for trans women and nonbinary people assigned male feel safe. Some trans women & genderqueers might not realize their gender because they are kept out of spaces that could've helped them realize because of how queer & feminist spaces act regarding men. Butch trans women and genderqueers often face heightened scrutiny because of their masculinity, from both inside and outside their communities. (Also, send them this article.)

^ As a result of all of that, maybe we need to be more careful with how we think and talk about masculinity. It seems like we are reusing a lot of negative patriarchal stereotypes about men & masculinity in ways which hurt marginalized people the most.

From there, you can bring up marginalized men: you can talk about how trans men, multigender/nonbinary men, men of color, Jewish men, fat men, disabled men, etc. are negatively affected by negative patriarchal stereotypes about men & masculinity- I emphasis that because its how I would go about referring to "misandry" or "antimasculism" without actually using a word. Since misandry (and anything that sounds similar) is such a trigger word for many, its important to set the foundation that there is a big difference between the MRA concept of misandry, and the transunitist concept of misandry. Transunitist misandry focuses on how sexism & genderism* is used to target marginalized groups (specifically trans* people). Transunitist misandry does not say that misogyny doesn't exist, or that men are oppressed in the exact same way women are; its saying that the patriarchy (as a part of kyriarchy) uses gender and sex to harm not just marginalized women, but marginalized men too.

My goal with this would be to introduce and try to convince them of the idea that Misandry Is Harmful Maybe, and then once they realize how its harmful, bring up the idea that this kind of stuff needs to be named. Once they generally agree with these ideas, I think it will be much easier to help them understand why misandry is bad even beyond marginalized men: because the patriarchy relies on harmful ideas and expectations for men, even as (dominant/non-marginalized) men have a different place and more rewards; because liberationist feminism must be concerned with universal liberation, and that means it must be concerned with everyone's wellbeing and liberation; because we cannot disnantle the master's house with the master's tools, and letting any patriarchal thinking in poisons the well of your feminist praxis; because it just makes you a meaner and shittier person. In my experience people who think in the ways you described are resistant (not necessarily for bad reasons) to any kind of criticism towards sexism/genderism towards men, so my tactic would be starting with areas (like women) that they are concerned with not hurting and show how misandry hurts that group. Connecting the harm of this way of thinking to something they care about is going to make them more open to seeing it as an issue in general.

*I use "sexism" to describe the system of oppression based on physical sex, and "genderism" to describe the system of oppression based on gender identity/presentation/roles.

[fixing-bad-posts]

Heya, I really really hope this doesn't come off as particularly rude, but I was wondering, why would bisexual women be considered lesbians sometimes and I think you also brought up transgender men and genderqueer ppl? For bisexual women, I just am kinda confused, they can be in lesbian relationships and lesbian spaces, but just describing them as lesbians seems kinda confusing because lesbian denotes specifically sapphic attraction at least from where I've always heard it, so wouldn't it be kinda confusing. And for the genderqueer folks or trans folks, wouldn't that just bring their genders closer to feminine and at least from what I've heard from some pple I know, they don't like non binary being seen as more womanly (I've heard it being described as woman-lite before annoying) and instead seen as a more inbetween which it sometimes isn't, because of bigotry and other things since nbs can be both fem or masc or androgynous, but wouldn't non woman lesbians kinda push it to be seen as kinda more fem or that person as more fem? I don't know and frankly I'm just kinda confused. I'm really really sorry that this probably comes off as super rude and I hope you forgive me. I frankly just want to learn a little more and have been reading up but wanted to know what you thought. And I just realized how long this was, so so sorry

hello anon! these days, i usually don’t answer asks like these because i’ve already done so several times, but you seem very well-meaning and confused, so i’ll do my best to help. first of all, please check my faq for resources and links about mspec labels and bi lesbians.

second of all—generally—here is my advice for when you encounter a queer label that confuses you:

1) literally just ignore it until you...

2) meet someone in your life who uses that label, at which point you might (respectfully) ask them what using that label means to them specifically, and why it’s important. i’ve done this in real life. the script is something like,

“it’s really cool to get to talk to someone in real life about this stuff—if i may ask, what does identifying as [insert label] mean to you, personally?”

you might also say,

“i’ve never met someone who identifies with [their label] before. would you mind giving me some pointers on the important things to keep in mind in order to respect your identity/make sure you feel respected by me?”

i’ve also never asked anyone to correct me if i mess up and say something rude, but i’m working on the confidence and charisma to be able to say that, because i owe that to others.

all of that said, i wanted to respond to some of your specific questions, and clarify a couple of things below the cut. to clarify:

1. “describing [bisexual women] as lesbians seems kinda confusing because lesbian denotes specifically sapphic attraction”. to be clear i am not the one describing bisexual women as lesbians, in this hypothetical situation. when i post about bi-lesbians, i am posting in support of people who—for whatever reason—chose that label for themselves. what i am not doing: advocating to redefine the classically understood definition of lesbian for the entire populous.

2. “wouldn’t it be kinda confusing”? yes! i understand it can be confusing, and i commend you for expressing your confusion instead of reacting in disgust or anger. there are so many things in the queer community that are confusing, even to me, and you don’t need to feel guilty for asking questions as long as you come from a place of genuine curiosity. being confused isn’t bad, and defining yourself in a way that confuses others is, likewise, no transgression.

3. “for the genderqueer folks or trans folks, wouldn’t [identifying as a lesbian] just bring their genders closer to feminine […] wouldn’t non woman lesbians […] be seen as kinda more fem”? the answer is: sort of. it depends entirely on how and why the person using this label came to these words. you wrote, “i’ve heard from some pple i know, they don’t like non binary being seen as more womanly”, and i have definitely also heard that! so, for people who feel that way, they probably wouldn’t want a label that evokes womanhood and/or aligns them with femininity assigned to them. but every person is different—so for some nonbinary people, they absolutely do not want to be seen as “woman-lite”, whereas for other nonbinary people, they might want to be seen closer to femme than masc, while still nonbinary. this goes back to what i said at the beginning: best practice is to ask the people in your life how they want you to respect them.

closing thoughts: i hope this clarified some things, but i understand that the topic may still be confusing—feel free to message me if you want a non-judgmental queer to talk things through with. i promise i’ll take you in good faith <3

[storiesforallfandoms]

fluffy haired gamer boy ~ ranboo

word count: 2056

request?: yes!

“Oooo i saw you said you might write for Ranboo. I was wondering if I could request something. I've been having a rough few days and kinda just want some comfort fluff involving him if you could. You don't have to if you dont want to”

description: in which they’re a popular twitch streamer and their fans like to make jokes about their fellow gamer boyfriend

pairing: ranboo x gender neutral!reader

warnings: swearing, absolutely no plot other than fluff

masterlist (one, two, three)

(i just wanna note i started writing this before ranboo came out as nb and using he/they pronouns, for the sake of consistency and for the title i came up with beforehand i am using he/him pronouns and referring to him as “boyfriend”)

Behind every popular Twitch streamer is their fluffy haired, gamer boyfriend who brings just a sense of wholesomeness to every stream they are a part of.

I laughed at this once when it was brought up by a friend of mine as we were streaming one night.

“Not me!” I said, because I was an idiot and thought I was special. Because, at this point in time, I didn’t even have any plans on getting in a relationship. Even if I did, I wasn’t going to be public with my relationship. I was so sure that if I were to date someone, they wouldn’t be famous in the same way I was and I wouldn’t want to ruin their privacy by putting them out there for my hundreds of thousands of followers to see and harass and never leave alone.

Boy, was I ever wrong.

I met Ranboo for the first time after being invited to join the Dream SMP. I wasn’t much of a Minecraft fan and had no idea about the whole “SMP” stuff that had gotten so big on Twitch, but I decided to give it a try. Even if it was just one time to say that I did it. And I had become online friends with a few of the Dream SMP members, so I felt comfortable being brought into this world for the first time.

I don’t know what it was about him, but I was drawn to Ranboo almost immediately. I could barley form a sentence whenever I was talking to him. Every time he laughed, my heart would do a flip in my chest. As much as I wasn’t into Minecraft, I started putting up with playing it more just so I could spend time with him.

The day he messaged me asking if I wanted to call, just the two of us, no streaming and no video games, I almost jumped for joy. Quite literally.

And then, when he did call, he managed to make me feel so many emotions all at once.

“Hey,” I said when I answered his Discord call. “What’s up?”

“Hey,” he responded. Even with just the one word, I could tell something was going on.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yeah! Yeah, everything is fine. I just...” He took a deep breath. This seriousness was starting to worry me. “I really like you, (Y/N). I’ve been enjoying getting to talk to you when we’re gaming together, but I want to have more than that. Like...more than friendship, even. And I know that’s a lot to ask when this is our first time talking outside of streaming, but I needed to tell you.”

I was silent for just a moment, before I started to laugh. I didn’t mean to, it just happened. I think I was just so shocked by his confession that I had no idea how else to react.

“Ouch,” I heard him mutter to himself.

“No!” I said, finally regaining myself. “I’m sorry, I promise I’m not laughing at you. It’s just...I feel the same way about you. I have since we met, actually.”

We both laughed together upon realizing our similar situations.

That was the start of our relationship. We kept it a secret from our audiences for the first few months. It wasn’t hard when we lived in different states, so we weren’t physically together, and we didn’t act much different when we were playing together than we had before we started dating. The cat was let out of the bag when Ranboo came to surprise me at home, not realizing i was mid-stream when he did. We thought we could get around it by me ending the stream before anyone could see him, but unfortunately we didn’t take into account that my viewers would hear him. But, our fans were ecstatic with excitement when we finally confirmed we were together, and we were slightly relieved to not have to hide anymore.

But, with the fans finding out came the usual teasing from them. Someone found the clip of me and my friend talking about how I’ll never have a fluffy hair gamer boyfriend and started circulating it on Twitter. It became a running joke in my fandom. I couldn’t escape the damn clip.

Especially when I was streaming with Ranboo.

One night while we were streaming, my chat was just constantly filled with the quote I had said from the video.

“I’m going to shut off my chat at this rate,” I commented, only half joking.

“Why? What are they saying?” Ranboo asked.

“They’ve taken an old clip from one of my streams and made it the fandom joke. My entire chat is just them quoting the clip. It’s only, like, five seconds long, but at this rate it’s the longest five seconds of my life.”

There was no response to this. We were playing a game together, and it took me a moment to realize his character wasn’t moving either.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Nothing,” he responded.

“Okay, sure, I totally believe that.”

He was silent again. A quick glance to my chat gave me the answer: he was trying to find the clip on Twitter.

“Do not look up the clip!” I said, although I knew I was powerless at this point. He was in a completely different state, already in the process of looking for it on Twitter. I had no way of stopping him unless I was somehow able to get to his house hours away within a matter of seconds.

“Your viewers are so mean, they’re tagging me in tweets that include the clip,” he said, a light laugh in his voice.

I groaned and rolled my eyes.

Seconds of silence passed as Ranboo watched the video. I heard him chuckle slightly, then chuckle again as I assumed the video re-started.

“Is this what they keep quoting?” he asked.

“The part where I say I won’t be getting a fluffy hair gamer boyfriend? Yeah, that’s what my chat is full of right now.”

Well, actually, at that moment my chat was full of my viewers either apologizing over the fact that he had now seen the video, or laughing about the fact that he had. Twitch chats are the worst, let me tell you.

“How long ago was this before we met?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I didn’t even remember saying it until someone tweeted the clip at me, like, the week after we announced we were dating.”

“Someone in my chat says it was a few weeks beforehand.”

“Y’all keep track of this?!” I asked my chat in disbelief. “How do you guys know that?!”

“The date on the VOD, I’d assume.”

“Okay, but still. You guys are scary.”

I managed to get the attention back to the game, mainly because we had forgotten to pause and Ranboo’s character was getting killed. I veered away from the topic of the video and tried to keep Ranboo distracted with the game. My chat, however, was a lost cause. They were still reveling in the fact that he had finally seen the clip. It seemed that this was going to be the new thing for my viewers to spam and meme me with.

When we finished playing, Ranboo said he was going to stay streaming for a bit because he was set to play with someone else. I could feel my eyes starting to burn from the strain of looking at my computer for so long (one of, if not the biggest downsides to being a streamer) so I decided to call it a night.

“I’ll call you when I’m finished streaming?” Ranboo asked.

“Yeah! I’ll be up for another while,” I responded.

The chat filled with messages about how cute we were - both positive ones and playful disgust ones.

We ended our Discord call and I said goodbye to my chat before shutting down my stream. I rubbed my tired eyes, trying to get some moisture back into them to help with the strained feeling, before getting up from my desk.

After streaming for a long time, I tried to stay away from screens for at least an hour. This included watching anything on my TV. So I decided to make something to eat, playing some music in the background so it wasn’t so quiet in my apartment. Once I finished eating, I went to get a quick shower, and then pulled on my pajamas and got into bed to start reading. I was starting to nod off when my phone started playing the tone for a Discord call. I placed my book on my nightstand and rolled over onto my side to answer it.

“You’re done playing already?” I asked.

“It was just a few rounds of Life,” he responded. “They wanted to play something else, but I wanted to call you before you went to bed.”

“Awe,” I teased.

He laughed. “Yeah, yeah. I’m cute. I know.”

I chuckled. I shifted under the covers to settle into my bed more. I had a feeling I was going to fall asleep during the call, which usually happened. I knew Ranboo would just hang up once he realized I was asleep.

“So,” he said, “you weren’t planning to have a gamer boyfriend, huh?”

I groaned and rolled my eyes, which made him laugh. “God, I hate that clip. It was funny at first, but now everyone spams me with it as if it’s the funniest shit they’ve ever seen. Like, I get it! I ended up with the exact thing I said I wasn’t going to have!”

“It’s just so ironic. Especially that you said it weeks before we met.”

I rolled onto my back and covered my face with my hands. “I had no intentions of dating when I said it. I’ve never really had a serious relationship, and I wasn’t about to have a public one with another streamer. Twitch relationships are full of all sorts of drama. Except for Ludwig and QT, but he’s a YouTube streamer now so it doesn’t count.”

“For the record, I also wasn’t planning to be in a relationship. I especially didn’t expect to meet someone through Minecraft of all games.”

I chuckled. “Really? Are you telling me Minecraft isn’t the ideal dating site?”

“No, I prefer Club Penguin. I used to get so many bitches on there.”

We laughed together. I looked up at the ceiling and felt my eyes beginning to droop. I wouldn’t have long till I was completely passed out, but I didn’t want to end the phone call just yet. I know I was streaming with him for hours beforehand, but there was a difference between talking to Ranboo while we were streaming and talking to him personally. I didn’t want to end our personal time just yet, even though my body was screaming at me that it was time for sleep.

“I’m glad you didn’t completely close your mind to the idea of - what did they call me? A fluffy haired gamer boyfriend,” he said.

I chuckled. “Yeah, that’s the term exactly.”

“What does that even mean? Why is it so specific of a distinction?”

“Well, think of some of the people you’ve played with. Like...I don’t know...Karl. He’s a wholesome gamer boy with hair that’s considered fluffy. It’s, like, a whole genre of gamer men who aren’t toxic. That’s usually the type of person that other streamers end up with. It’s like the whole golden retreiver-black cat best friend dynamic I told you about once.”

“I still don’t understand how I’m a golden retriever.”

“You don’t have to understand, you just are.”

“Anyways,” he said, “as I was saying. I’m glad that you didn’t close your mind to the idea of a fluffy hair gamer boyfriend. Otherwise I wouldn’t have stood a chance. So, I guess there is some positives to stereotypes and whatnot.”

I sleepily smiled to myself. “I guess there’s not.”

“You sound like you’re falling asleep.”

I had lost the fight in keeping my eyes open. I was just barely registering anything Ranboo was saying to me. I tried to say something back, but it just came out as incoherent mumbling. I heard him chuckle and wish me a goodnight before I let the sleep take me over.

[greyauras]

Just wondering something. Is this idea that I cooked up in my head at 4 am a good one? Basically to sum up the tags, TFT/NB GhostSoap except Ghost is a retired veteran and Soap is a university student... continued

⇓⇓

(in what? Idk but I'm open to suggestions...engineering? Like some cool welding stuff? Because what do you need chemistry for in day to day life? See, this is why I'm stupid.) They become roommates due to both of their low income on an ad (they work at a bookstore together maybe?), become friends over the years and enjoy living together.

Simon is a trans man (which means afab) who never elaborated that he was trans or anything. He's never "said" it but he's very open about it, (walks around shirtless, doesn't care about periods but it's obvious that he has them, there's a box of pads in the closet)

(I'm using he/him pronouns just to make all of this easier to type out but I think the order of preference would be They/He/She? Possibly switching the he and she around depending on the "mood". Yet last night I thought she/he/they…)

Soap is an AMAB who's not very comfortable with how people see him. The way he sees himself is very confusing. He's comfortable "being" a man but doesn't "want" to be a man and doesn't feel the most comfortable in those roles. (Still enjoys traditionally masculine things and of course any gender can do this) But that's what's confusing, he knows that clothes are just clothes and people can wear whatever they want but it goes past the feeling of just wanting to wear pretty clothes. As you might've guessed (it's dysphoria).

Simon notices the way that his friend/roommate looks less confident and hides under big clothing that Soap usually doesn't wear. Basically this worry of change in confidence and personality makes Simon think that Soap is in an abusive relationship or something and tries to get him to open up about that. So no matter what, Simon is supportive, just guessing the wrong issue. (Maybe miscommunication needs to be added as a tag…)

But anyways, that's a very short summary of that. And basically, Soap struggles with the feelings of being a perverted faker (he's not but that's a common doubt) and being too masculine while also not liking too feminine. As there's some masculine attributes he likes about himself (body hair).

I haven't written anything, I just made a draft and this is all just floating feelings in my head. (In my head I said 3 chapters but this is getting too long? All this shit would have to be covered in at least 5) I just wonder if it's not a good idea because it hits a sensitive spot somehow. 😭

I'm a trans guy (AFAB) but never had any experiences with androgyny and non-binary feelings. I'm very binary...very dude like. So I obviously also have NO idea what being AMAB with any other gender identity would be like. (So Simon would be struggling with the same thing)

So feel free to tell me the differences between Bigender and Demigender (Demigirl/Demiboy). I just feel that's how a Soap that I've made in a TFT (that's not FTM4FTM) universe of them would mostly identify as. I've seen people hc Ghost as Agender before. I can totally see it. But never anything for Soap.

I looked up these attributes and feelings as if I was the one struggling myself and thought "Yeah that's what they would relate to". 💀

(the results were Bigender and Demigender if you couldn't tell but apparently there's a difference between them. Which I would like to know. Because maybe what I'm trying to describe is Gender-Fluidity.)

This is probably going to flop because I yapped too much (683 words? Omg bro stfu, no one wants an essay) but I'm not going to a place like reddit for this to know if it's morally incorrect. (I don't think it is but I would like a second opinion basically)

[shadowsandsunset]

I wish nothing but good things for Oliver Stark and Lou Ferrigno Jr.

They gave us such an authentic, gentle, tender experience. I've watched the clip of that kiss several dozen times now.

Oliver, especially, has been amazing in his interviews and social media posts, empathetic and honest and sweet. I don't know his sexuality and I don't speculate in real people's sexualities, but regardless he seems like a true ally. He seems to Get It.

As someone who came out later in life** it really touches my heart what they're doing.

9-1-1 has always seemed to try to do good by their queer characters and I really appreciate that.

Hen and Karen have always been a fantastic and very real feeling example of a wlw relationship.

This show is doing amazing. I wish nothing but good and happy things for the cast and crew who make this happen.

**Under the cut is my coming out/self acceptance story if you're interested.

Tw: repression, self harm, drug use, shitty relationships both familial and romantic.

I tried to come out as a teenager in the early 2000s after I kissed a girl for the first time. It did not go well.

My mother was a complicated woman and she loved me very much, but when I told her I was bi (I prefer pan now but at the time I didn't have that word) she told me it was a phase and that she was disappointed, that she would always love me but that it was wrong in the eyes of God and she couldn't accept it.

Disappointing my mother was worse than her being angry. It felt like my heart was carved out of my chest. I feel like if she had been angry or openly cruel I could have fought back, but her sadness destroyed me. I was 16 then and I continued to live at home until I was 24. I'm in my mid/late 30s now.

So I repressed that part of myself for well over a decade and spent a lot of time depressed and miserable. I self harmed and did A LOT of drugs. I'm clean now except for super occasional weed use. I have a lot of scars from self harm.

My mom died several years ago and it wasn't until after her death that I allowed myself to even think about it, any of it. I was in a relationship with a man for eight years that was loving but he was an alcoholic and I had to walk on eggshells around him because of his mental health struggles; he was emotionally abusive but in a way that was only apparent in hindsight. I thought that my relationship with him was as good as I was going to get. We broke up not long after my mom died.

The only family member I am out to is my older sister, who has been amazing and accepting and loves me completely. Without her support I would be lost.

I have now dated/hooked up with women, men, nb and trans people. I have explored my own gender identity (it's whatever, I don't feel like a woman despite having the female equipment and appearing female in body, I feel pretty masculine but not like a man either, and I don't have strong opinions on pronouns, but I feel like I fail at femininity and masculinity in equal measure so I call myself genderqueer. I don't have any desire to take hormones or have any surgeries, I just want to be a person without having to perform gender).

I live in a conservative small city in the US south and I feel disconnected from the wider queer community. I don't know how to bridge that gap. There is a small queer community here but you can't really be openly out and be safe.

I'll be going to my first pride event this June. I'm excited and terrified because I don't feel like I'm queer enough or The Right Kind of queer, which is such a stupid stress to have, but I don't have many friends to talk about this with and I am hoping to get out there and make some but I'm nervous. I'm socially awkward and kinda weird. I'm also single and trying to mingle, lol.

I like who I am now but it was an incredibly difficult road to get to this place. I'm still on that journey, and maybe I always will be but that's ok. I'm finally myself.

[thesherrinfordfacility]

I am going to hazard a guess and predict that most queer viewers are going to side with Crowley in the divorce? The subtext here is usually that Crowley is a queer person who is comfortable in their identity while Aziraphale still doesn't let go of the church and internalized homophobia. And then asking Crowley to try to conform in a way that Crowley has never been comfortable with, implying that in order for this relationship to work you need to be something that you're not (especially potent bc Crowley in particular is explicitly nonbinary/ gender fluid)... its almost violating. That should clearly be asking too much of him and it only hurts worse to realize that Aziraphale doesn't realize that and doesn't truly accept Crowley as he is. Which is a fundamentally Queer Experience Thing.

okay again full disclosure i am not queer, so im only going to answer this to the best of my ability besties, if i don't write things right or deliberately misunderstand a nuance in this, please know im doing my best and anything that is upsetting or offensive please tell me, i am so not qualified to answer this... but nonnie has asked so i shall give it a go!!!✨💓 (cut bc length)

genuine question here: wouldn't, arguably, in this whole choosing sides thing, crowley vs aziraphale, be exactly what divides the queer community? those that could sympathise with aziraphale and his allegory vs those that could sympathise with crowley? this is a genuine question bc i would have thought depending on your (general you) guys' (nb) variety of experiences, good and bad, there are those that could see either side or both?

as for trying to make crowley conform - i'm not going to argue this per se, bc i realise that this must be a very painful concept or experience to go through, and i Will Not invalidate that. but on the other side of the argument, whilst i see and agree that this is how aziraphale could be interpreted generally in this argument, i didn't see it this way at all. not when taking into account aziraphale's whole demeanour in s2.

my understanding is that, as far as the canon has showed us, aziraphale knows very little about the true circumstances of crowley's fall (only that aziraphale warned him against asking questions), and even less about crowley's inner feelings on the matter. whenever aziraphale mentions it, or crowley having been an angel, crowley understandably responds aggressively and angry and obviously that it's still painful.

i don't think it's too far beyond reason for aziraphale to think that crowley - a good demon - might want to take a chance to have the wrong righted (as he sees it), to receive what aziraphale would consider a boon, an apology. whilst he's not in hell's clutches, crowley would have the chance to be free of hell completely. furthermore, it's a chance for them to be together, as friends or otherwise (obvs the metatron conversation is before crowley's confession), and to build the world they want - fair and honest and kind - together. because it's not as if crowley doesn't want that, but he just won't go anywhere near being an angel in order to do it - borne of fear yes but also resentment and bitterness... possibly even arrogance.

aziraphale does lord his angelic status over crowley especially in s1, and does hold a very black and white view over angels = good, demons = bad, but for the most part i think he has started to explore the possibility of grey more in s2. he starts to ease back on crowley and concentrate on making him feel wanted and loved (however that might look on Their Side), but still leaving him agency.

ive talked about aziraphale putting him on a pedestal and that is true, but the person on that pedestal, I don't think, is angel crowley - i don't think it's that simple. i think it's good demon crowley. and that good demon crowley would want to change the world, right?? well, he's got to be an angel to do it - even better!!!

so i didn't necessarily see it as aziraphale wanting to change crowley at all, but instead him thinking that based on what crowley has told him, of course crowley would want this!!! he deserves to be forgiven and restored, he's earnt it and he's a good person!!! but aziraphale unfortunately reneges on his emerging attempts to give crowley that agency, and instead decides for him. i don't think it was necessarily out of wanting to change crowley, but instead him not knowing the full story and therefore choosing a resolution for crowley out of love and respect... but one that crowley doesn't want.

these boys REFUSE to communicate and 👏 it 👏 shows👏✨

[possibilistfanfiction]

can i say i absolutely love how you write ava being casually nonbinary so much. there are no fucking words to describe how much i fucking love your in depth exploration of butch beatrice, especially as an asian genderqueer sapphic who relates a lot to beatrice, your fics about it is definitely some of my top fav fics in the fandom, and like lowkey inspiring to me in my own journey to better accepting my queerness and exploring what it means for me, but also on the other end of the spectrum, i just love the casual simplicity (not sure if that’s the word i’m looking for) you write ava being nonbinary with

ava’s nonbinary, and it’s just a simple everyday fact of life just like the grass is green and the sun goes up and down everyday, there’s no need to dwell on it because ava doesn’t need to dwell on it and maybe her relationship or feelings about gender will change or get more complicated in the future or they won’t change one bit, but that doesn’t matter because it’s not the future right now and they’ll cross that bridge when it comes to it

[lil teeny bit of nb ava for the culture]

//

'hey,' ava says, trailing a hand up and down the inside of your forearm, 'do you... do you care?'

you have absolutely no idea what she's talking about; you care about a lot of things, and, more and more, there are plenty of things you also let fall to the wayside: sometimes they just are.

'do i care about what?'

ava sighs, scoots a little away from you on the couch, tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. 'that i — i don't feel like i have a gender, or whatever. like, i'm a girl, i guess? but only because that's what people thought, and told me. but i don't feel like anything else. i mean, first of all, the gender binary is a tool of colonial oppression and white supremacy, especially when employed by the church —'

'— yes, that's true —'

'— but also, i have a literal divine battery pack keeping me alive, allegedly —'

'— the halo definitely is keeping you alive, we know that —'

'— and i've been to, like, realms and stuff. met a few gods; fought a few demons. fell in love with you.' she smiles softly. 'so it's just... limiting, to me. it feels limiting, to be one thing.'

'i don't think binary gender makes sense to me either,' you say, allow yourself to admit. ava probably has figured it out, even if you haven't been able to say it: you wear a binder some days, and you don't feel anything against she/her pronouns but there's masculinity and androgyny you crave, that you're just starting to feel steady and free enough to explore. 'i feel it differently than you — for me, being a woman is a particular experience that matters, but not in the way people want women to be. i don't know, it's a work in progress.' she squeezes your hand with a gentle smile. 'but, ava, i only care insomuch as you're the love of my life, and i want you to feel seen and cared for, just for who you are. i want to know you, whoever that is.'

she swallows and rests her head on your chest; the documentary about mushrooms she had put on in the background plays quietly. 'thank you.' she turns so her nose is pressed against your sternum, hugging you tight. 'i just know it's taken you a long time to, like, be okay with your own sexuality, and i didn't want to throw you for a loop if you were feeling really comfy with, you know.'

'being a lesbian?' you ask, try to keep the laugh out of your voice. 'i certainly don't want that to ever exclude gender expansive people, even if it's a word i like.'

'well, of course,' ava says, her breath warm through your t-shirt. 'you're you; you're the best there is.'

'i don't know about that.'

'nah, it's true. i do know. i'm the beatrice expert. god says so too, direct message. hotter jesus, remember?'

you do laugh, this time, and rub comfortingly up and down her spine, still your hand over the faint, warm hum of the halo. 'no matter what pronouns you use, or what name feels right, or what your gender expression is, i love you. i'm queer, which is expansive and abundant.' you have to swallow because, maybe for the first time ever, you believe the words wholeheartedly. your friends and your therapist and books and music and shows that you love have said them; you have said them, before, but not quite like this. the grace you want to give to ava is far beyond the grace you have ever allowed of yourself. 'queerness is infinite. and so is my love for you.'

ava sniffles and then wipes her nose with the back of her hand, props herself up on an elbow and kisses you. 'the same goes for you, you know that, right?'

'yes,' you say. 'i — i hold it close, often.'

she pauses, holds your jaw in her palm, and then kisses you. you kiss her back, with your eyes closed, with tears pressing at them that won't fall, not this time.

ava doesn't hesitate a few days later when she introduces herself to a few of your friends and says that they can use any pronouns; she tries on one of your binders one afternoon and then frowns and laughs and says, god, i love my boobs but then quietly makes sure to massage your shoulders every evening after that. she tries on any clothes she wants, picks out a suit one day that she whistles at when she sees herself in the mirror, and then laughs. there's quiet nights and loud brunches and your friends who consistently use different pronouns for ava without batting an eye, and it makes her smile even as she dumps salsa that will be way too hot on her chilaquiles and then has to eat them trying to hide a grimace. you don't know how to have that much freedom, not yet, but ava holds your hand and leads you along, always.

you're figuring it out, the loosening of limits you'd set so tight within yourself; ava's figuring it out too: how to be, and how to become when, of course, there's still cruelty — but there's infinite abundance too. you turn back to the documentary — all the fungi that weaves its ways in and out of the world, for longer than you can imagine. all the fish in the sea; all the stars in the sky — a steadfastness and a wonder and a joy, to exist beyond. to become.

[stressfulsloth]

I didn’t pick up on Harry seeming to question his gender at all! I noticed the sexuality of course, but his discomfort with femininity seemed to come more from feeling like he doesn’t love up to expectations of masculinity and just general feelings of inadequacy. But I’m also a trans man so wanting to be feminine is rather foreign to me, so maybe I just glossed over it?

Sorry that was horribly long winded but would you mind expanding upon your comment about Harry’s gender identity?

Yeah sure! I'm not sure where you've come from so I'm going to link this here as just a bit of my thoughts on Harry and gender/sexuality, but if you came from that post and still aren't sure what I'm getting at, I'll elaborate too :)) I think Harry's issues with masculinity as it relates to class are quite obvious, and DE goes in hard on presenting gender and gender expectations as a conscious performance, with higher expectations on Harry stemming from his poverty. "What is it about poverty that makes all the men *real*?" This can certainly be interpreted as Harry having issues with expressing any kind of femininity, with performing gender expectations to an adequate degree. Struggling to live up to the standard of manliness set for him in the media that he consumes, in the world he occupies, and further the standard that he sets for himself in the aftermath of his failed relationship with dora ("you poor fuck. You poverty-ridden fuck.")

But beyond that, beyond identifying masculinity with feelings of inadequacy, there is (I think) also an undercurrent of longing for femininity or "genderless"ness that lends itself well to a trans/nb HC. The derision he or his skills express towards femininity at certain points feels almost defensive, rejection to keep it at arm's length despite his fascination with it, while the performative hypermasculinity feels like a shield. His fascination with "genderless" haircuts and his skills immediately shutting it down. It feels almost like another facet of his repression, perhaps, a residual from pre-annesia Harry having these same thoughts and having to shut them down for survivals sake. He does accuse other characters of "cross dressing" a few times, mimicking his preoccupation with finding other people's sexualities too- Noid and Gary, for example. The entirety of the Noid conversation would give him something interesting to chew on: "You know what I think? I think *man*, *woman*, and *child* are arbitrary divisions which serve to bind humanity to serfdom." And of course "some lady-clothes to piss off the sex-system."

The entirety of the leopard print leotard scene, the echo of "I don't want to be this kind of animal anymore" in "yes. This is the type of animal I want to be" the moment he's dressed in the bodysuit. The "summer" warmth found in expressing his femininity, in dressing himself in something softer, and on the other side the paralysing fear that he doesn't deserve to express it, that he'll be ridiculed if he presents the way he actually wants to. The emphasis that once this door opens, it can't be closed. Once the egg cracks, it can't be glued back together and ignored. "Again: once the leopard comes on, it's never *ever* coming off." Once Harry experiences a taste of his desired gender presentation, he will not be able to repress it again. I think the fear that undercuts every single thought on the topic is very familiar to the closeted or unaware trans experience (or at least it is to me, an nb person), fear of admitting what you want, fear of being ridiculed and laughed at. But at the same time, the confidence, the warmth "like stepping into a summer lake," the satisfaction that comes with gender experimentation, the freedom...

Of course, Harry doesn't have the language to describe what he's (potentially) feeling. He barely knows that gay people exist. But I think it's plausible that this pattern of thoughts, given time to stew away from the "male-dominated workplace" of the RCM and more time in the homo-sexual underground, more time learning to be kinder to himself and to the world, unlearning some of the bigotry that has worn a groove into him as a cop, shedding some of the misery ("turn from the ruin. Turn and go forward..."), could lead to Harry discovering and identifying with nb and/or transfem labels. To "explode the gender binary" as he says.

[theaquinn-misc]

A-spec Lesbian

I decided to make my own list of things that have helped me realized I'm gay. Disclaimer: I'm not the arbiter of what makes someone an aspec lesbian, however if you experience some or most of these it's something to consider. Disclaimer 2: I've also not had a lot of experience dating so I can't include much of that here. This post will be divided in 3 sections: Men, Women and NBs and media

Men:

only crushing on "unavailable" men: married, in a relationship, much older, gay, fictional, celebrities

"crushing" on men and enjoying fantasizing about them, but not trying to flirt or even get close to them in any way

"crushing on a man" for a set period of time and then and thinking he's the hottest thing since sliced bread, but later (especially after a physical separation) finding him meh or cringey

fantasies about men having more to do with being happy and fulfilled in life and being seen as someone to be jealous of, not so much about the specific person

having a crush/attraction to a man only for him to return it and you realize that you feel uncomfortable

meeting a guy who is conventionally attractive and meets all your standards and telling yourself you are attracted to him but still feeling a weird pressure in your stomach/chest because "something is missing"

liking a guy, until he changes something minor about his appearance (shaves, does his hair differently) and then finding him basic/meh and losing all attraction to him

never understanding what women see in the men they date or like in media, at least looks-wise

finding even extremely conventionally attractive men to be kinda meh and thinking women attracted to men must be exaggerating how hot they find them

being uncomfortable when you find out a man has a crush on you and wanting him to stay away, but with women/nbs it's just a bit awkward and overall no big deal

having to force sexual and romantic fantasies for men and getting bored of them after a while

finding the most aesthetically attractive man in a group and deciding you are attracted to him (bonus points: being relieved when you find out he's taken/ and/or you could never date him for some reason)

being anxious or sad or bored when you imagine your life with a man

only wanting to date men if it's polyamorous (note: this is not to invalidate poly people, but if you can only imagine dating one gender ONLY if it's poly and having no issues to be monogamous with another gender... that might be something to look into)

getting sad/anxious/bored at the idea that your first boyfriend could be your forever partner. thinking "of course i want to experience life before I settle down"

wanting to dress sexy and reveal your body, but wanting to hide it when a man pays attention to you

Men expressing their attraction to men is more relatable than women expressing their attraction for men Women/ NBs:

finding only a few men aesthetically attractive but nearly every woman/queer/nb person (esp more femme ones) being gorgeous to you

wanting to impress and/or be liked by "special" women

going on dating apps and switching to "women only" even though you are (supposedly) bi/pan (note: some people may do this for safety reasons but if you can't even IMAGINE finding a guy off an app, even if you take all possible precautions, well...)

finding the fantasy of sharing your life with a woman/nb person far more rewarding and satisfying than the fantasy of doing those same things with a man

having some inkling of attraction to trans women pre-coming out, but suddenly thinking they are the most gorgeous people ever post knowing they are women(especially if they go on HRT),

really "admiring" masc/butch women and women who break gender roles (women in suits, women with defined muscles etc.)

thinking that everyone thinks women are more aesthetically attractive than men (hint: ask a gay man about this)

having deep feelings about a female actor, singer, teacher growing up etc. that feel special and unique

feeling guilty in locker rooms, not wanting to look at women too long

getting really excited at the idea of having a gf, or being a girl/nb person's gf/ partner but not feeling the same way about dating boys/men

wishing to be a lesbian because you think lesbians are cool and/or to avoid dating men

feeling uncomfortable feelings about the label lesbian, especially when applied to you (but not gay/queer/sapphic/wlw/nblw etc.)

not getting crushes on women IRL often because you're still aspec

getting crushes on fictional women, influencers, celebrities etc. Media:

never relating to m/f pairings even if they have bi/pan characters or the m/f relationships you see in media or around you.

shipping m/f, but thinking "that's cool for them, but I don't want that" (note: this might also have to with gender, if you're nb)

imagining yourself as the "man" in m/f ships never the woman

not relating to f/f ships with two thin conventionally feminine and usually white women (esp if you are fat, gnc, WoC, and/or are attracted to butch/masc women)

seeing posts about the attractiveness of men but relating them to m/m ships, not yourself

wanting every bi/pan character to be in a "gay" or at least, in a visibly queer relationship

only relating to m/f ships if they are more obviously queer. Like say, masc woman with a twink boyfriend (side note, I've never seen that, so if you have recs please send them my way)

only being able to get off on gay/lesbian porn, finding straight porn to be unsatisfying or boring or uncomfortable (note: porn is not a great way to determine sexualaity as most actresses are fetishized and fake prgasms, and most lesbian porn is not made for sapphics. but still) Things you are allowed to do as a lesbian/don't make you less gay:

Have m/f ships you feel strongly about

read/write m/f smut

relate to/write bi/pan characters

joke about liking celebrity men & fictional men

not be attracted to the women the lesbian community has decided are the hottest thing since sliced bread (Kristen Stewart is not everyone's type)

not be comfortable with certain sex acts or sex as a whole

[genericwizard]

Venti :3

Ehe... under the read more for space

How I feel about this character Venti makes me unwell, he also makes me want to live so it all works out. He was my first love in Genshin and also my strongest. He is my forever favorite, even if I accept other characters may do more, be more, he is my one and only clown husband. I cried when I had to leave Mondstadt without him (and rejoiced that we'd never be apart once I rolled for him three months later). He inspired me to leave my shitty job. Character of all time to me.

All the people I ship romantically with this character I am the KaeVen CEO for a reason....... this is the only ship for the character that matters to me because I see so much intrigue. There's the mortal/immortal aspects of it but also because they are very similar characters IMO. They're both "outsiders" in their own home. People don't trust them because they're hiding behind their smile. Neither like taking credit for their good deeds or that their reputation precedes them, etc. I like the drama of "how could they ever forgive me for what I've done?" "am I worthy of being loved/ allowing myself to fall in love?" "I didn't think you of all people would understand me". And they've had more substantial moments in canon together than frankly any other Venti ship, but who's counting?

When I don't have brain worms I actually like exes zhongven a lot, I think they had a longstanding relationship that doesn't work out for various reasons, and they probably know each other quite well, or at least they used to. I also like RosaVen in a genderweird way, Rosaria realizing she thinks he's annoyingly cute and doesn't know what to do about it is fun. I also like one-sided Venlumi and Venti/Vanessa, because I know he longs for powerful women who don't reciprocate in that way... sigh.

My non-romantic OTP for this character One no one will mention- Miko + Venti friendship is S tier, I love that he gossips with her over drinks. I also prefer platonic XiaoVen, they're close but not in that way to me. As mentioned I also like Venlumi, and I'll take platonic KaeVen too since I eat crumbs. Historically I care about his relationships with Vanessa and NB but I am fixated on Venti in the current timeline so I don't think about them much.

My unpopular opinion (s) about this character Hoo boy. Well for one I actually don't like his archon design very much. I kind of dislike some of the elements that I think don't make sense on his body and also were only shown in the comic depiction, like his glowing anemo tattoos or w/e, I don't really get the point of those so I omit them in my writing. His archon design and all the discussion around it bleeds into my dislike of people who label him a tr*p or something similar/worse. Despite this, very pro Venti as a sex-haver, I don't think there's anything wrong with sexualizing him, I just have my own icks. Also pro Venti having weird gender, even if I still prefer he/him pronouns for him.

I guess I dislike that people distrust him so much. It's like, sure, he's withholding info from us, but to assume that means he has ulterior, evil motives makes 0 sense to me. I also don't like corrupted Venti for the same reason. He's fine. He just has the usual kinds of despair, from the existential crisis of his existence, perception of time, and all the loss he's faced that drive him to sleep for hundreds of years at a time. Far more tangible reasons to be "corrupted" to me than "ooooh the abyss made him Evilllll" Besides, Celestia made all that is forbidden evil, even if he is full of abyssal knowledge/power that's not a good metric of someone's morality when Celestia is our main antagonist!

I guess thinking Kaeya is his best ship is unpopular, but that's redundant ATP.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Carmen Dei: Chapter II. Or really any new story/event appearance where he's allowed to be more than a glorified emcee / convenient plot starter.

[autisticwriterblog]

Welcome to: gender thoughts and worrying with Riley

Putting this under a cut because it's all about gender dysphoria, my thoughts about potentially starting HRT, transphobia and misgendering, and also some pretty TMI details.

Okay, so I've been comfortable describing myself as a transmasc person, or a NB trans man. Something very man-adjacent. And I'm happy with he/they pronouns (although I wish my family would use he/him more often - but that sounds ungrateful because I'm so glad they all got used to they/them, even my grandparents). Basically, I'm comfortable in my gender. But I sometimes wonder if I want my body to be different.

Top surgery was, without exaggeration, one of the best things that ever happened to me. I'm so much happier in myself, I can actually look at myself shirtless now, and I love touching my scars and seeing my flat chest under my shirts. I love everything about it.

But it sometimes doesn't feel like enough. I worry that everyone still views me as a girl who just cut her tits off. I met my aunt's boyfriend and within five minutes, he was talking to my aunt and said, "I was just asking Riley what sort of video games she likes." And I was sitting there in my clothes from the men's department and my buzz cut hair and my pretty androgynous appearance (I've naturally got a deeper voice for someone AFAB, I'm not that short and I have big feet, and I have a bit of very dark facial hair on my upper lip that the women in my family all pluck or bleach because they're self conscious about it, but I like it) and as I said above, my flat fucking chest under my POTF T-shirt. And yet he she/her'd me and it infuriated me. I clearly can't pass well enough to fool even someone who never met me before I came out.

(Side note: I really don't like the guy. He's a conspiracy theorist weirdo and he misgendered my aunt's god-son (not actually their relationship but it's easier to explain this way) multiple times and it was so fucking awkward. He kept asking about this couple's 'daughter' and I said "X and Y don't have a daughter" and he still kept doing it. Fucking prick.)

Anyway, this whole thing got me thinking about T again. I've always said I don't want it because you can't pick and choose what it'll give you. And for example, whilst I'd love my voice to be deeper and facial hair sounds pretty rad, I'm really not sure about the going through puberty all over again thing and there's a chance I'd lose my hair and I don't want that, and I'm 50/50 on if bottom growth would be an improvement or not. So, yeah, I always ruled it out.

But... I want to pass. I want to be read androgynous or masc, not just a butch woman. And I really think some parts of T would help. And who knows? Maybe I would like bottom growth? Who fucking knows. I'm already dysphoric about my genitals, so even though I mentioned worrying about that above, I'm not sure bottom growth could make things worse for me down there. I'm also a bit concerned about libido increase, but it's actually already been up recently since I got my first crush and I'm learning to deal with it. Plus, I did experience some of that during puberty and I survived.

Oh, and the hysterectomy thing is very likely to fall through because my doctor is fatphobic, so I'm kinda fucked about my painful periods for ages. But for a lot of people, T weakens or even stops their periods. And I keep thinking about how if that happened to me, it'd possibly solve my period dysphoria problem without having to pay £8000 for private surgery (because the NHS would never do it), assuming that my doctor would even do it even though he said he didn't have a fucking weight limit when I fucking paid £200 for a consultation. But I'm getting off topic.

Plus, I'm an impulsive person who changes his mind really easily, so my anxiety is being bitch and making me think "what if I regret it?!" even though that almost never happens and it's a fucking TERF talking point in my country. I don't even know what I'm trying to say anymore.

But the biggest part is... I live with my parents and I need help with a lot of things bc autism (I can't drive or go anywhere on my own and I need help with phone calls and all sorts of shit that mean I'm never going to be independent), so if they had a problem with me taking T for whatever reason, I'd be fucked. They've always been supportive and say that they'll help me with whatever as long as it makes me happy... but what if me taking hormones would be a step too far for them? My dad still hasn't seen me shirtless and I worry it's because he still thinks I'm a girl. So he might freak out. Or maybe my mum would and that would hurt even more because she's the person I love most in the world and I wouldn't want her to hate me.

I just get scared of everything. And I want to be happy and I wonder sometimes if hormones would help. Or if even bringing up the topic with my family would make everything fall apart.

[transgressivegirlification]

sorta. learning how to separate my gender from how other people perceive and treat me. that and separating my gender identity from gender performance and the idea that i have to DO anything or have any specific trait to be a woman

i dunno. if gender describes your relationship to society and your relationship to your body and sex characteristics, then there is an expectation to perform specific roles based on your relationship to your body, which is pretty wierd and we could probably do without that. so, i guess in that sense, im a gender abolitionist

i don’t consider myself a woman because i was assigned female at birth, i consider myself a woman because it describes my relationship to my body. i don’t consider my (de)transition a return because i don’t remember what it was like to live as someone who was perceived as a girl and i’ve never been perceived as a woman, just a feminine trans person (and only online, offline i’m treated as an autistic cis man) so i’m having to figure out what my womanhood means to me for the first time instead of having it just given to me or something i had at some nebulous ~before~

but it’s. i don’t think being a woman means you have to be feminine in any meaning of the word. i don’t think i have to be seen as a woman to be one. i don’t even think i have to dislike masculine terms being used for me. i also don’t think that not conforming to the expected presentations of my gender makes me nonbinary. (nb people are chill i am just tired of being degendered in trans* spaces and having people making a big deal over my gender/pronouns because i don’t “look like” my gender)

i’m just a woman with a deep voice and body hair and broad shoulders and facial hair and an adam’s apple and a strong brow. i’m just a woman that wears clothing made for men and who wears binders instead of bras most of the time. i’m just a woman who wears makeup only once or twice a year and who doesn’t do anything centered around anti-aging. none of that makes me less of a woman, it just makes me less feminine which is fine

femininity is nice but a lot of it is either based on making women more consumable to men or just isn’t ideal for a construction worker. like. i love lolita fashion but it is not remotely osha approved. i can barely get away with tying my jacket around my waist lmafo

and i mean. i like men. 90% of my coworkers are men and i generally fuck with them. i’m also promised to a man who is my priority in life.

but at the same time, i’m not going to go out of my way to be appealing to men or even think about it in my day to day life because i’m a person who enjoys men, not a perfume ad. yeah i dress up for dates and enjoy when my promised finds me attractive but being desirable isn’t the same as being consumable. when i perform femininity for my promised, he enjoys the show but sees me as an actor instead of a character if that makes sense?

i dunno. i love being feminine in over the top ways that make me feel powerful and confident but it’s… a lot to do outside of the context of conventions (shout out to conventions for giving me a way to explore new presentations in public without being afraid of getting hate crimed fr)

i guess for me it feels wierd to be a woman almost exclusively attracted to men because so much of how people talk about wlm is centered around the man’s attraction to the woman or the woman making herself attractive to the man when i center myself in my attraction to men. i generally don’t think about making myself attractive to a man i’m not actively going on a date with, i think about what i want to do to him and what he could do for me. yeah it’s a little selfish but nobody’s complained yet B;)

tl;dr: i’m still a woman when i fulfill male stereotypes. femininity as a way to feel powerful, pretty, and/or desirable is nice. femininity as a set of rules pushed on women for the purpose of centering men’s consumption and dehumanization of women in their expression of feminine womanhood is shitty