#like when i first started the series it seemed kind of weird to me because gojo very obviously didn't want yuuji dead

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

the higher-ups (and Yaga) immediately trying to leverage Gojo & Ieri's absence to put Yuuta on the roster??? God that's such a stark moment. Thank god Nanami and Gojo saw through that one immediately, because Yuuta wants to justify his own survival so badly he would've fallen straight into it.

That whole scene, with Yuuta immediately jumping on the opportunity to help people even though something is Extremely Wrong with him and he's on the brink of physical collapse--this boy is selfless to the point of self destruction and I am chewing the drywall about it. I love him so much.

If only he was able to summon his newly found homicidal rage in defense of himself, the higher-ups would no longer be a problem. Alas, this boy is Extremely Unwell.

(Sea Glass Gardens is absolutely incredible and i am obsessed with it in a way that is totally and 100% normal. I'm so normal about it, trust me <3 )

The thing about Yuuta is that he really is prime to be taken advantage of right now and the higher ups know it. They had him try to kill himself for them--they know that there's a window of opportunity that they can use to get him under their thumb and avoid The Problem of Gojo, which is, namely, having a human weapon who you cannot fully control. Gojo nailed it from the beginning: they want a magic gatling gun with no personality or free will. They learned their lesson with Gojo and are trying to rob Yuuta of his agency before he learns how to protect himself.

And Yaga's part in that scene really was meant to kind of emphasize how, even with the best intention's, he just doesn't work to protect the kids. Like. everything he said was technically true, and he meant it with the best of intentions. He's the guy who has to think of everyone's needs. he has to manage this crisis. he's got a lot of people hurt badly who just came out of a war, and a lot of people going into fights with some very aggravated curses spawning without sufficient manpower to address the danger and no healer to save them if they cut it a little too close. He didn't have the intention of manipulating or sacrificing Yuuta, but he was aware that it would come to his detriment and risk.

The issue is the higher ups. They don't give a shit about the people in their workforce. They should be the ones doing whatever it takes to solve this crisis and save their people--and if that means giving up on their machinations? They should have already done it. It's their responsibility.

They just don't care. They want Okkotsu Yuuta under their thumb, and their society hemorrhaging is treated like an opportunity, not a dire problem to be solved. They don't care if half a dozen of their own people need to die to do it. Hell, it's better if they do die--they can put it straight on Okkotsu for not being willing to sacrifice himself, when they should have been making whatever promises they had to in order to make this work.

Gojo's done this before, is the thing. He was Yuuta, a long time ago. Nanami was right there watching it happen. They both know what the higher ups do: They let society get to a crisis level and put all the responsibility on you to save it. they let you maneuver yourself into a vulnerable position as a result, and then they use it as leverage to put their goddamn boot on your neck.

The thing is that Gojo adopting megumi all those years ago really did put them into a crisis state. the zenin pitched the mother of all bitch fits trying to secure his unconditional return, and they were a huge percentage of jujutsu society's labor force and resource pools. instead of the higher ups managing the problem at all, they took advantage of the situation and shoved more and more of its weight and responsibility onto gojo, until he was dropping off his own kid at his abusers' compound thinking it was the only compromise that could resolve things. megumi paid the price for gojo not calling bullshit, and right now, with him in a hospital bed? gojo's less willing to repeat mistakes than ever.

he knows that they're going to use the safety and suffering of everyone else as the leverage against him, and he knows that as terrible as it is, he cannot blink first. He's played this game before, and he knows that the only way to get the higher ups to back off on something like this is to dig in your heels.

I think what happened to Megumi all those years ago and how bad it got before they put a stop to it is something that haunts all three of them. When they first started raising him, they were very young, and they were very broken, and they loved him very, very much. He was their little boy, and he was never the same after the Zenin. They were supposed to protect him, and they didn't, and not a single one of them has forgiven themselves for that.

Megumi was sort of sacrificed for the greater good when he was a kid. None of them thought that that was what they were doing when it happened, but that's what happened. His happiness, safety, and wellbeing were sacrificed to pacify the Zenin and make it easier on everyone else.

Megumi and Tsumiki had to become their non-negotiables after. They had to become the things they refused to compromise on. The Zenin would take miles and miles if you gave them a millimeter, let alone an inch.

Gojo didn't think he was compromising them when he left them on their own to deal with Geto's war. They were disgustingly self-sufficient kids. They had been alone for longer stretches of time when they were practically toddlers--they should have been fine on their own for a couple of weeks.

But they were still his kids, and he still left them alone for everyone else's sake, and now his kid is blind and half dead in a hospital bed. It's like being punched in the face by old mistakes.

So they're off the roster completely, all of them. And they're not compromising an inch on what their focus is, and they're not letting anything happen to any of the other kids in their care.

It's terrible that their coworkers are suffering, but it wouldn't be happening if the Zenin hadn't fucked with Gojo Satoru's kid, of all the goddamn people. It wouldn't be happening if the higher ups would actually do their job and start managing shit.

And if they use Yuuta as an anxiety riddled bandaid on the bullet hole in their society? Then they'd be sacrificing him the way they sacrificed Megumi all those years ago. And they have never been less willing to do that.

I'm so so glad you like the story! Thank you for talking with me!

[thebirdsandthebats]

Okay @s-p-r-i-n-g-t-i-m-e I’m sure you know plenty BUT I’m going to use your wonderful and hilarious comment on this as an excuse to talk about Bernard, bc I realized recently that there are plenty of ppl who haven’t read most of the comics he’s been in. So get ready for my long overdue:

UNPACKING BERNARD DOWD + HIS TRAUMA (for those who cannot keep up with comics but want to get to know him)

So to start, Tim met Bernard years ago ofc, when they were in high school. It’s established pretty quick that Bernard is an extremely Unserious guy LMAO, the first thing he does is literally circle Tim and try to feel him out socially, see what kind of guy he is. He’s the kind of guy who gets himself in trouble with his big mouth, and seems to enjoy poking at Tim and testing his patience. By the time we meet Bernard again in the recent years, he’s grown a lot, but at his core he’s still the light-hearted, fun, goofy guy with very strong opinions. Just less stand-offish, maybe

Throughout the time Tim spends at this school though, Bernard does experience some wild shit. He lost Darla (somebody he really cared about), he experienced a shooting at his school, and then Darla came back from the dead, kind of scared the hell out of him, and used him to contact Tim again. It was kind of played for laughs, but like. That’s gotta fuck you up. (Robin #140)

Obviously this is the kind of thing that maybeee has a lasting effect on you. And BECAUSE Tim Drake: Robin got cut so short and the writer had to rush to wrap up the series, we’re left to fill in a lot of gaps and draw conclusions about the years we didn’t see Bernard ourselves. But we absolutely get some insight as to his life after Tim left that school and we stopped seeing him in the comics. Spoiler alert: it was hard.

In TDR, Bernard discusses the the cult that he’d been in that Tim saved him from in Urban Legends. He says that “he’d accepted himself”, but others hadn’t. Obviously there’s the natural reading that he means his queerness (which has me chewing through drywall), but I think that he’s speaking very broadly too. Bernard is a very odd example of a civilian, because he’s always getting dragged into things much bigger than him. And even before that, he had his big ideas, his conspiracies, his loud personality. He tended to rub people the wrong way in high school. Then in issue #7 of TDR (the Bernard pov issue my most beloved, weird pacing aside) Bernard refers to this “oozy, sticky feeling” that he ALWAYS feels when Tim isn’t around. He says when he’s alone it’s harder to put one foot in front of the other. To keep GOING. To wake up every day.

I think that Bernard has always felt like an outcast. (Robin #121, he doesn’t fit into any clique). He wasn’t as okay with it as he acted. And I think he wasn’t getting any attention from his parents. (Batman: Urban Legends #5, Bernard’s parents nonchalance to the days leading up to his kidnapping)

So just like Bernard explained to Tim, that feeling got bad. and he wanted to let go. The chaos monsters, the cult, all of it was a means to an end. But then Tim agreed to see him again, and I think that sparked something in him. Because he started learning to fight. When he was tied down to that alter and Tim was saving him, I think it fully sank in to Bernard that he didn’t want to die. Reconnecting with Tim gave him hope and made him really feel something good for the first time in ages.

So now that they’re dating after the cult fiasco, we get to know this current Bernard. A less goading, maybe calmer Bernard. But he’s still himself, of course, rambling about his ideas and making bad jokes and sticking to his guns (he has NEVER been a pushover, no idea where people get that idea?). I think a lot of people complained that Bernard mellowed out too much in terms of attitude, but I think if he seems “nicer” it’s because 1) he’s grown now. It’s been a while since we last saw him, and he’s clearly changed a lot. And 2) because he’s dating Tim now. He likes him a lot, and he’s an affectionate partner. He wants to lift Tim up.

But the fact that he was pulled into a cult still remains. And as lighthearted as Bernard tries to be, that traumatic experience still happened. It said in Urban Legends #5 while Tim was searching for him that Bernard had welts on his arms and legs and had been acting different, so it’s not like he was just snatched up on a whim. He’d spent significant time there. For those who haven’t read much abt the ways cult trauma specifically can fuck you up, I recommend doing a search if you’re in a good headspace for that and want to understand him more. because it’s pretty bad.

And then! yeah. you guessed it. Bernard gets kidnapped again. Chained up next to a BOMB that’s counting down. RIGHT WHEN HE’S WORKING ON HEALING FROM ALMOST BEING SACRIFICED BY A CULT.

And surely this can’t get crazier. He’s almost died twice in the past 6 months. except, remember his parents? In TD:R #7, we really see a little more of his relationship with his parents. He doesn’t live up to their standards, and his dad specifically seems to just want to argue with him. The restaurant they’re at is attacked, and everything goes to shit, and. you know, I think these panels really speak for themselves.

And for the record, when it’s revealed that everyone is seeing their worst fears, Bernard’s parents fears are not about him.

So now Bernard has to deal with that. And we start to see that Bernard is really not as okay as he’s tried to be. He keeps a baseball bat by his door because he’s been kidnapped twice now. And just when he’d likely thought things couldn’t get worse, he heard the Chaos Monsters were back. I can’t imagine he feels safe. He lashes out for the first time since all this has happened and yells at Kate and Tim, because while they’re doing what they feel is necessary to save more people (AND I DONT BLAME THEM AT ALL), Bernard can’t talk about it.

And I will forever be sad and insist that TD:R got cancelled too soon, just before we could get into the really juicy stuff, because things had to be wrapped up pretty quick and this was the only comic Bernard was consistently appearing in. But when Tim is giving himself up to the chaos monsters, Bernard goes out and rallies anyone he knows can help. Things were rushed because there was no more time to flesh out the story the way it could have been, but I’m including these panels just because I love Bernard Audacity Dowd using a fucking flashlight and shadow puppet to call Batman. geeking out for a minute. And then leading the battalion to save Tim with a SLEDGEHAMMER. gay people rule.

So yeah! While I see the vision of how a lot of Bernard’s trauma was meant to be semi-resolved and let him come to peace after saving Tim back, we just didn’t have the time for him to heal properly. I’d give anything to get inside his brain again. UHH IF YOU READ THIS I HOPE YOU LOVE BERNARD NOW and don’t come at me if I left something out, some of my comics aren’t with me rn. Bonus TimBer for the road:

[violetrainbow412-blog]

Hearts [S. R.]

Young!Spencer Reid x fem!reader

word count: 2.6k

and by public demand, part 2

summary: an intern pesters Spencer to get his attention and you help him get rid of it a bit, benefiting in the process.

A/N: here we go! started watching criminal minds last week and i'm halfway through the first season so expect a lot of content as I progress with the series. Spencer Reid from season one is the cutest thing I ever looked at

If you want to be added to the taglist just tell me, and if you have ideas, send them!

You'd think FBI offices would be quiet at night, but the truth is, with so many agents and interns reporting to do, the night seemed to be the busiest time.

After spending three months there you had almost obtained your own desk and knew most of the people, especially the BAU team whom you had been assigned to support for your internship. Since you began your university studies, you had wanted to work in that FBI unit and when the opportunity presented itself you were extremely excited, but now that it was a reality, you could realize that the workload was unimaginable and heavier than you expected. Still, with any luck, proper schooling, and practice you could be aiming for a permanent position in maybe two or three years. For now, being there as an intern was more than enough.

You were so engrossed in reading your computer screen that you didn't hear when the office door opened and it wasn't until a figure sat down next to you that you realized who it was.

You and Spencer Reid met many years ago, when you were both in middle school, in Las Vegas, and from that moment on you could appreciate what a prodigy he was. He was a very serious, quiet, and shy boy, but for some reason you always enjoyed his company and, judging by the fact that he never left you, you thought he did too. On some occasions you exchanged books that he returned to you in two days and you kept for a few weeks, you talked during some school breaks, you asked him for help with homework, and on more than one occasion you went so far as to defend him verbally from those silly children who bothered him; in general, you had something close to a friendship. You never thought that after so long, and so far from Las Vegas, you would see him again, much less in the condition you were in right now.

"Hey," you greeted him kindly, showing him a tired smile "What are you doing here?"

"I was finishing an analysis of yesterday's case," he replied. The team had had to profile another pyromaniac and for just a bit they had managed to catch him, which had left them somewhat tense "And you?"

"A report" you answered simply. You had the hypothesis that those kinds of activities ended up in the hands of the interns because they were extremely tedious and they wanted to get rid of it.

Reid wasn't much of a talker if the occasion didn't call for it and you knew it, so it wasn't too strange that he would only sit near you to watch you work, although there was something different about him tonight that alarmed you.

"You think I'm dumb?" he asked suddenly, forcing you to look up at him.

"You? Are you asking me if I think Doctor Reid is dumb? you asked, emphasizing his title, but he gently shook his head.

"Not in that sense, but like... weird or something."

“We all are a little bit. And that's not so bad” you said sincerely. You knew that on some occasions Spencer would ask questions and all you had to do was wait a bit for him to tell you what the doubt was about.

“And do you think…?” he started to say, a little unsure "Do you think I don't have a girlfriend because I'm that weird?"

"Who told you that?" you exclaimed more directly. You imagined that this concern could only arise from someone having suggested it, as had already happened on other occasions, and it still touched you a little that he had the confidence to assist you for that kind of thing.

"No, no one in particular"

"You know, I think you don't care about having or not having a girlfriend" you ventured to say "Was it Morgan?"

“No, not him,” he hastened to say, thinking a little about his next words, “Uhm, that girl from the department next door…”

"Victoria," you cut him off, rolling your eyes in anticipation and feeling the heat already rising up your cheeks. She was a typical mean girl; long black hair, tall, always wearing expensive dresses, high heels, and fake smiles. You'd met this girl during internships and it took you a couple of weeks to make you feel uncomfortable around her, but you finished hating her when you realized how intent she seemed to be on embarrassing Spencer every chance she got. The fact that her father was a department head made it a bit difficult to deal with any situation. "Why do you care what she says?"

“She is… persistent”

"You know she only does it because she wants to get your attention, right?" you explained, a little fed up with the situation and how he was always affected by what others said about him.

It was clear that from the beginning she had her eye on the young man, and on those days, she would walk around the office and try to start a conversation with Spencer, which he never carried out. When she noticed that her attempts were useless, she began to make hurtful comments that became recurring as the months went by, since it was the only time when she could receive any kind of attention from the brown-haired man. Spencer frowned, quite confused by the situation when you told him that, since apparently he hadn't made the same account of the facts as you.

"What are you talking about?"

"She likes you" you insisted, as if it were something obvious, although it didn't seem so to him. You could almost see how the gears in his brain were struggling to find a degree of coherence between the events that he had been ignoring for a long time.

"Then why does she say such horrible things to me?"

“It's because…” you mumbled, closing the lid of your computer and looking for a way to explain to the boy. It was amazing how he was the most intelligent person you knew and at the same time he would come to you to ask such banal things like that "she is a stupid girl who has had everything in life and since she isn't capable of having an intelligent conversation with you, she thinks that being mean is going to get your attention. It's like those kids who pulled your hair in elementary school," you muttered, trying to present an analogy, but he didn't react in any way “She probably only told you that because she wanted to know if you have a girlfriend, not because she really believed it.”

Spencer took a moment to absorb that, wondering how that made sense, since for him the fact that you liked a person implied being kind and attentive, not behaving as Victoria did with him. But you had read the signs from the beginning and that was probably another reason for your dislike for your internship partner, who you thought was unworthy of being attracted to someone as cute as him. Although during high school he hadn't been the most sought after by girls, now he was quite handsome and that shy and polite attitude made him even more attractive, at least for you. Besides the fact that, of course, it was a genius who you were talking to.

"And why didn't she just ask?" he genuinely murmured and you couldn't help but giggle.

"I don't know, when we like a person, we do stupid things"

"Do you really think she likes me?"

"Of course, what reason would there be for her not to?" you mumbled and he just looked away, as he did most of the time, while he shrugged, which made you think that maybe this conversation was more serious than you imagined "Do you like her?"

"No! Definitely not” he said right away, as if he was offended “It just seems strange to me that you say that”

"Say what?"

"That someone likes me"

"Oh, please," you breathed, completely incredulous. "You're charming, Reid, I don't think she’s the only one who likes you”

"Do you think I'm charming?" he said, slightly skeptical. You loved his reaction to any compliment he received. 

"Sometimes" you lied. Actually, you thought he was charming all the time "Besides you're an FBI profiler, don't you detect that kind of thing in girls?"

"It's harder to analyze women than criminals," he argued, making you chuckle slightly.

Suddenly the report you had to make was forgotten and you wished you wanted to spend more time with him, although you didn't know if he would be willing to do the same. It was one thing to be together at work and another very different thing was that he wanted to be with you personally.

"Do you have anything in particular to do today?" you exclaimed cautiously, so the question allowed him to politely get rid of the invitation if he wanted to. You held back your urge to smile when he said no, attentive to what you had to say “Do you want to go to my apartment? If I'm still here I'm going to have a migraine and I think you should relax for a while too”

“Go to your apartment?” he asked, just to be sure, to which you nodded.

“Yeah, like… order some pizza, and… do you like wine? I have wine at home. And we can put on thrillers and see who can figure out who the killer is first”

"I would beat you"

"You think so, Reid?" you said, challenging his strange burst of confidence, and Spencer nodded playfully, a lock of hair falling over his forehead. "I'll buy you your week's coffee if you beat me" saying this, you knew full well you didn't stand a chance, but if a couple of dollars spent on coffee would get you a few extra hours with him, you were willing to accept that.

"It's a deal" he smiled and in less than ten minutes you were out of the offices.

As expected, you lost the game, but you couldn't say you ended the night disappointed. At first you didn't even know why you invited him, because outside of that neighborhood park in Las Vegas, you'd never spent any time alone. Spencer was all shy at first, always sitting up straight and hugging his briefcase, but when you broke the tension he relaxed considerably. The wine helped a bit because, although he confessed to you that he didn't drink often, you two ended up with a bottle of red that you had in the cupboard; not too much to lose consciousness, but enough to get gigglier. Even Spencer's ever-dapper outfit was thrown into disarray, as he'd loosened his tie and removed his vest to deal with the rise in body temperature the alcohol brought on. As promised you had pizza for dinner, which he refused to let you pay for, and in the process you put on some of the classic movies you found, according to google, making sure neither of you had seen them before. That night you were tempted to tell your partner that he could sleep over there if he wanted, but you had to say that a hint like that might make him uncomfortable. You didn't want to break the magic of the moment.

So the next morning you walked into the Quantico offices more energetic than usual, holding a couple of glasses of coffee on a tray.

"Good morning, Y/L/N" Morgan greeted you, as you approached the BAU work area, where Hotch and Elle were also present.

"Good morning, have you seen Spencer today?"

"I suppose he arrived, but I haven't seen him"

"I think he hid in the kitchen"

"Why do you ask?" muttered Morgan, who was probably the gossipiest of the three and also the most teasing. You knew, unfortunately, that if you didn't tell him, he would question Spencer, and you didn't want him to feel uncomfortable.

“I bought him a coffee. We made a bet last night and I'll be buying it all week"

"So you're trying to make him fall for you, huh" he exclaimed, completely ignoring your explanation, so you decided to play along.

"I think I'll need a few more months for that" judging by the man's laugh, you knew that the answer had satisfied him. You wondered if it bothered you that Spencer might misinterpret that joke as fact, but at the same time you wondered if it really was something that bothered you enough to deny it.

You walked down the aisle looking for the brown-haired boy and greeted a few people along the way, until, as if by divine grace, you looked at the man’s back and at the same time heard the click of heels, which you already knew quite well, going in the same direction.

"Spencer!" you called him before Victoria could tell him anything, and he turned with that awkwardness that characterized him showing a small smile when he noticed that it was you.

"Hello"

“You better not be making your coffee,” you murmured, getting close enough to hand her the cup you brought on the tray and making sure Victoria, who was making her own drink, would overhear the conversation. “I hope you like it. Sweet as you"

"Thank you," he replied, slightly embarrassed by the compliment you'd just paid him. He peered into the cup and frowned “Why did the barista write a heart next to my name?”

“It wasn't the barista, it was me”

It took Spencer a moment to sink the words in, and then he looked back at you with a confused expression.

"And why did you write a heart next to my name?"

You couldn't help but contain a laugh and Victoria, who had been attentive to the entire conversation, contained an angry sigh when she saw you extend your hand to the boy's bicep to give it a squeeze, taking the opportunity to get a little closer to him.

"I hope to repeat last night sometime" you muttered ignoring his question "I really had fun"

"Me too," he said, faster than you'd expect, and you smirked to notice that she was right next to him, her jaw clenching angrily. Without Reid realizing it, that talk could be completely interpreted as you've had a sexual affair, and not only that, but you were looking forward to it again.

"I'll see you around, right?"

"I think so" he replied. Spencer took a sip of the coffee you bought him, as if he'd just remembered it, and took a moment to savor it, closing his eyes in the process. You tried not to be distracted by the afterimage of him licking his lips. "I love it, what's with it?"

“Huh-uh, I won't tell you. If you want to drink it, you will have to ask me” you replied playfully. You thought that perhaps, at some point, he would become uncomfortable with your indiscreet flirtations, but when he smiled at you and looked away, you knew he was actually liking it. And if Spencer liked being fawned over, you weren't going to put up a fight.

"Thank you"

"It's nothing, doctor. Good luck on your day" you said goodbye, showing him the most beautiful smile you were capable of manifesting.

After that you made sure to look Victoria square in the eye as you left, confident that if she tried to say something rude to the profiler again you would confront her yourself and finally got lost. She looked at him, utterly offended, and then did the same, leaving behind the cup of coffee she was preparing to lock herself in the office and be grumpy all day. But Spencer didn't even notice any of it, as he was too busy looking closely at his heart in his cup to get any idea of what it might mean.

[minispidey]

02: Barbie and the Giftshopist.

Steven Grant x f!bimbo!reader. previous part. series masterlist. next part.

02. He's just Steven (and Marc, and Jake)

a/n: i'm not like fully knowledgeable of DID but i did some research! if u guys can give me some tips/ point out my mistakes, i'd be happy to hear it and edit. i just really do need some help 🙏🏻 i've never written a system before and i'd love to hear some advice

(series tags are open!) tags: @3zae-zae3

"Morning, Stevie!" you started calling him Stevie not even a week after you moved in. Sure, he hates it when Donna calls him that, but god did it sound so beautiful when you say it.

You two walk out at the same time everyday, bothered by some of the sellers on the street blocking the door "Excuse us." you say as they made way for you and Steven. A vintage pink corvette was your way of transportation while Steven chooses the bus, but you weren't in a rush today "Stevie! I'll give you a ride. Get in."

Steven blushed, shaking his head "No no, it's fine, love." hearing him call you love made you accidentally kick your leg up. You stared confused at your leg before turning your head towards Steven again "Come on." you pouted.

"I'm serious— oh, bollocks." he drops his keys by accident "I'm alright."

You drove by his side slowly "Stevieee get in. I'm not letting you take the bus when I have a car."

"It's just-"

"Is it because it's pink?"

"No! No, not at all. I don't want to be a bother, that's all." he sighed.

"Steven. Get in." you pull down your sunglasses "I'm not taking a no for an answer."

"Yes, ma'am." seeing you so serious had him flustered. Maybe it's a weird kink he developed after knowing you were a lawyer.

He sat in the passenger's seat and buckled his seatbelt. You smiled at him before fixing your sunglasses "Okay! First stop, the museum."

Steven knew everyone's going to stare at your pink car. He just never expected so many people turning their heads towards you too. You were beautiful and radiated beauty and sunshine, you were an attention grabber.

He just imagines you in all pink in your firm, in a room filled with blue and black suits. He thought it was cute.

"Do you have like, a license? You can take my car on my days off."

"You don't have to." Steven shook his head "Really, you're too kind."

"It's alright! Whatever makes your life easier." you flashed him one of your bright smiles "I can drop you off every day if you wanna. I'm not as busy anyways."

"Take the offer, Steven. Beats having to cramp in every day." Marc says from the reflection of the right side mirror. Steven shook his head before turning towards you "It's fine, love."

"Come on. Rent's hell. Let me save you some commute money, okay? I may be fashionable, but I can be such a cheapskate-" the car comes to a sudden halt as you snap your head towards a shop window. Steven was pushed forward but thankfully held by the seatbelt "What's wrong?" he breathed out.

"What time do you have to go to work?"

"Before ten. Why?"

"It's eight. Do you mind making a short stop with me?"

Shop assistants surrounded you as you worked your magic "Ooh, and this one. Do you have it in pink?" you giggled as you slipped on another heel "Okay so like, the trick is to ignore the assistants." you whisper to Steven "They'll sell you anything in full price. Head straight to the expensive ones before slowly going to the ones on sale."

Steven nodded as he listened to the advice you gave. He felt a bit nervous as you spoke to the shop assistants, you seemed so confident as well. In contrast, Steven felt fairly awkward and he was just observing how you interacted with the people around you.

He was very intrigued by the way you were trying on shoes, the way you were talking about it with the shop staff— he couldn't explain what exactly it was that he found attractive about you, and it was slightly annoying him.

"Chica está loca..." Steven looks at the full-length mirror, Jake was staring right back at him. He raises an eyebrow at Jake "She's crazy. I've never met a girl who wears so much... pink."

Steven was about to talk back when you pull him to the counter, swiping your card and taking your shopping bags "Okay, so like, I got fourty percent off. I have a loyalty voucher." you two made your way back to your car, stuffing your bags in the back "Thanks for coming with me, Stevie. Well, you didn't have a choice anyways."

"It's alright, really. It was... fun." he smiled at you, getting inside the car "Never really shopped with anyone before."

"Really? Not even with friends?"

"Don't have any."

"Aw, how come? You're so fun to be with."

Steven's heart skipped a beat. He stared at you with bright eyes as you drove. He felt his face heat up. When he turns his head to face the side mirror, he finds Marc judging him.

"You've just met her, huh?"

"Shut it..." Steven mumbled under his breath, looking away from the mirror. He watched you, still smiling as you drove. It was like you weren't real, like you were too good to be true. If he had known years ago a woman like you existed, he would've searched for you everywhere. But you landed right outside his flat.

"I don't think I can pick you up after your work, training interns and all." you stopped near the steps "I'll see you later, Stevie."

"You don't have to, it's really okay." he blushed "I'll see you around, love." he got out of your car, looking back at you as he walked up the steps. You pushed your sunglasses down and waved back before driving away.

After an exhausting day, you drove back at 1 am. You shoved your files in the back seat with your shopping bags and rested your face, your signature smile falling from fatigue.

The streets of London were quiet, only the crickets' mating call filling the cold air. You rub your eyes, some of your mascara rubbing off "So tired..." you sighed as you turned the car to the right.

Though your sleepiness immediately went away when you spot a ridiculous ugly-patterned shirt. It was Steven walking back.

"This late?" you whispered to yourself. You sped up a bit to catch up with him "Stevie!" your cheery voice halted the quiet night.

His head turned towards you, a scowl displayed on his face. Though his eyebrows softened upon realizing it was you.

"Don't they have buses out late? You poor thing. Get in." you smiled as you unlocked your car, allowing him to enter.

"I should've totally given you my number. If I only knew you'd be out late like me I would've picked you up." you let out a yawn before continuing "I'm not that busy, I swear. Like, I'm a lawyer but I know how to manage my time."

As you went on and on, Steven just sat there and listened to you.

You parked your car and stepped out, trying to get all your shopping bags in one go. But Steven stepped in and helped "Aw, Stevie, thanks so much!" Steven looked exhausted too.

You talked more in the elevator, detailing how frustrating your day was at your firm before walking to your doors.

"-and he was like no and I was like totes! And he was like noooo and I was like, definitely!" you giggled "Whoever said orange is the new pink is totally disturbed."

You unlocked your door and let Steven in to set your bags down. He went to step out afterwards when you pulled on his sleeve "Thanks so much again, Stevie. You are like, too good to me. We should totally shop again some other time! Goodnight!" you placed a kiss on his cheek before closing your door.

He froze in place, staring at your door before unlocking his own door and getting in. He breathed in the cold air before walking to his fish tank, feeding the two fishes before his vision focused, looking at his reflection on the glass.

"Marc! What was that?!"

Marc looked back at Steven "It's nothing."

"Back off. I really like her, okay? There. I said it."

"You kissed my wife and your crush kissed me on the cheek."

"I said I was sorry."

Jake spoke up, appearing from a small mirror "You like her? Dios mío, that woman wears a lot of pink. What is it about her? Is it because of the car? I have a limousine."

"No! She's- she's really nice."

"Be more specific, amigo. Nice isn't how you like someone."

"Enough." Marc shakes his head "Steven, if you like her then go ahead. But just don't get attached."

"What do you mean?"

"I have Layla— we have Layla. I'm married to her. You can have a crush on your little neighbor, sure, but it's not like you can date her."

"Marc... come on, I have my own life... we have our own lives. What if I decide I want to date her? What if I really really like her, you know?"

"I don't know." he sighed, scratching his eyebrow "It's gonna be complicated, you know that."

Steven let out a sigh, looking down "I-I know... but I just... I just really like her."

Jake on the other hand was deep in this own thoughts. Marc heads to bed when Jake fronts, taking over the body. He cracks his neck before walking out and knocking on your door.

You were just about to take off your makeup when you head his knock. Your fluffy pink slippers squeaked as you made your way to the door, opening it "Stevie? Did you miss me already?" you giggled.

"Do you want to go out with me?" Jake put on his best performance, speaking in a kind of shy British accent.

"Out? Like, a date?" you blinked twice.

"Yes."

Jake understood now. He saw the way your eyes sparkled and your blinding smile "Oh my gosh, yes!" you squealed before covering your mouth, looking side to side across the halls, worried you might've woken up your neighbors "Yes. Let's go out. Uh, maybe lunch? I'm free."

"That's alright with me." he nodded.

"Alright." you couldn't help but smile like a fool "Goodnight, Stevie."

"Goodnight..."

After closing your door, you silently screamed, jumping up and down in excitement. Your exhaustion suddenly disappears as you start planning out your outfit for the morning.

[tsukimefuku]

CHAPTER ONE: PUTATIVE SELF DEFENSE ❀ HIGURUMA SENSEI SERIES

masterlist link | mdni!

❀ putative self-defense.

when a person believes they are in imminent danger and acts in what they believe would be self-defense, when, in reality, the threat does not exist or is not as severe as perceived. 

wc: 5.9K ❀ pairing for the series: professor!higuruma x student!reader

❀ summary.

after your roommate fails to replenish the coffee in your dorm room, you drag your insomniac ass towards the cafeteria before heading to your first criminal law class. unfortunately, things don't go as expected — it's so, so much worse than you could have anticipated. at least, your personal torturer is very good-looking, and has the most beautiful hooked nose you have ever seen.

❀ Tags and c/w.

non-curse au. college au. silly slow-burn rom-com between professor and college student (this is purely a work of fiction, okay guys?) reader is kind of a mess (like, literally). this is cliché with some twists. nobara is the best and worst roomie ever. nobamaki is a thing here. nobody likes cafeteria coffee. higuruma has a best friend, i'm so happy about that. second hand embarrassment. misunderstandings are talked through and resolved. higuruma is a little unhinged, and we love him for that.

thank you so much @redlikerozez for betaing this 🥺

Your morning was a clusterfuck.

Diving your face in ice cold water did absolutely nothing to wake you from your anxiety ridden all-nighter. The world felt like a half dazed hallucination by this point.

Your energy was running so low this morning that you wound up putting your jeans on top of your pajamas pants, throwing a coat over the rest of the mess, and twirling your hair into something that could barely be considered a bun, topping it all off with the ugliest scarf you had — a red polka-dot scarf.

It seemed to be a taunting from the Gods — this was, for some supernatural reason, the only scarf you ever found when you were running late, and you hated the thing, but feared that if you threw it away, some higher power would punish you, and you'd never find another scarf to wear.

You were also scared that if you tried taking a shower, you might end up sleeping under it.

"What are you doing?" your roommate asked, as you pulled your face from the bowl filled with water and ice cubes. "Jesus, you look like hell."

"Trying to crawl my way back to the world of the living. It's not working."

Nobara walked behind you and opened the mini-fridge, grabbing a single slice of cheese and rolling it up to eat it.

"Oh, a breakfast fit for the champions" you mocked, while patting your face with a tea towel.

She scoffed. "Get off my ass, I didn't have the time for groceries."

"Oh, you totally had the time, you just spent it all with your girlfriend in her room!"

Nobara grabbed a crumpled tissue that she found over the counter and threw it in your direction.

You dodged it because you weren’t sure what the fuck that tissue had been used for cleaning.

"Leave me the hell alone! I deserved it before classes started," she complained, pouting.

You laughed as you walked towards the coffee machine, to see if some liquid energy would be enough to pump you through the day.

"Aren't you supposed to be out there already? Weren't you going to head into criminal law today or whatever?" she asked.

And you were, actually.

"So, how is he?" you inquired, tapping around the coffee machine and behind it, looking for the coffee powder.

"Professor Higuruma, you mean?" Nobara got up and walked towards her bed, throwing herself over it like a rag doll. "I still haven't had class with him, but according to Maki, he's kinda weird."

"Your girlfriend's definition of weird for the male faculty members is too broad, Nobara. She said the same thing about at least four or five professors."

She shrugged. "According to gossip, professor Higuruma had to take some time off academia after his PhD because of a mental breakdown."

"Well, he is the guy that got two masters degrees simultaneously and one PhD right after. I guess that does things to a person" you mocked, opening the cabinet drawer. Where is the coffee?

"Oh, that's why he's the head of two chairs?!"

"Yup, Criminal Law and Criminal Procedure Law."

"Well, from what Maki has told me, he likes to quiz his students on the spot randomly," Nobara stated as she pulled her phone from her night stand and began texting.

After looking all around and not finding the coffee powder, you were very much annoyed. 

"Nobara, where is the coffee?"

"We don't have any," she answered nonchalantly, still with her eyes glued to her phone.

You whipped your head towards her so fast, you nearly hurt your neck.

"Nobara, I need coffee. This is not a drill! It's my first criminal law class!"

"Oh, future criminal defense attorney, you definitely need some coffee, no one in their good mind would be wearing whatever the hell that is," she noted, pointing at you. "Especially that ugly red thing around your neck. Why do you still have that?"

"Ugh, now I'll have to go into the cafeteria before class to drink their awful coffee, and it's entirely your fault. Wardrobe editing rights are officially revoked!"

You stepped towards the door grabbing your bag as you heard her ask, "Hhey, is that your pajamas top?"

"No!" you replied, pulling your coat over your hello kitty pajamas top, before going out.

***

I can't fucking believe this.

You got in line to buy an overpriced $2 coffee — overpriced because it basically tasted like dirty water flavored with the souls of the damned — as you looked at your watch nearly every twenty seconds or so.

This coffee was so bad you usually tried to cover it up with milk, syrup and whatever else they had at their clients' disposal, but the aftertaste was always — always — completely cursed.

While in line, you noticed the guy who stood in front of you, and got distracted from your hurry by his back, as silly as that might sound.

He was tall — not the tallest, but at least a head above you — and his black hair was neatly cut by the tail end where his neck met his black suit collar. His posture was a little crooked to the side, one shoulder hanging a little lower than the other, and it felt kind of… charming?

Realizing you were nearly burning a hole in the man's back with your eyes, you averted your gaze elsewhere.

This is pathetic. I'm pathetic.

You figured that you had to be really sleep-deprived — and, honestly, kinda lonely — to be simping over some random guy's back.

Not only that, but while waiting in line at the campus cafeteria, the less sexy place to ever exist.

Class. I need coffee. I need to get to class. I'm pathetic. I’m also almost late.

And almost late you were. Somehow, you managed to wait just until you'd be a little too fumbled on the clock in order to get your ass out of your dorm room's bed to do something about it, and never even bothered to check if there would be any coffee to be made.

Just one of the many minor self-sabotaging shit you pulled against yourself from time to time.

After grabbing the damned drink and tainting it with further things to mask its terrible taste, your sleepless and nearly-late ass, when running across the cafeteria, body slammed by accident the same guy that was in line right in front of you. He was then covered in your coffee — an unholy concoction of said beverage, cold water, milk, and pancake syrup for sweetening. 

Not only that, but to top it all off, you chuckled right after you began apologizing, actually laughing at the poor man.

It wasn't because the situation was even remotely funny, or that you were cackling at his humiliation. You just had the laughter response to stressful or embarrassing situations.

At church, during the national anthem, at an accident, or in the middle of a very hard test — whenever you were really stressed, you found yourself having to hold your urge to cackle.

Unfortunately, even after twenty-seven years, this was something you hadn’t quite mastered yet.

As you tried to grab some napkins from the counter behind him, you slipped, ceasing the laughter immediately.

Instant karma. Seems fair.

Before you hit the ground, though, he held you by your waist and with a hand on your arm. You felt the taut muscles under the suit enveloping you and pulling you back on your feet in one dexterous, swift motion. His shoulders were not slouched anymore.

"Shit, shit, I'm so sorry!" you exclaimed, trying to shuffle yourself away from him. His grip was tight, clearly from someone that had just been startled, and his body felt warm — especially considering you had just covered the poor guy in hot liquid.

As you parted yourself from him, you finally took a good look at the man. 

The best words to describe him right now were disheveled mess. His tie was crumpled, his white button shirt had a massive brown stain from the coffee spilled, his short black hair was messily pulled back leaving a few strands out to frame his forehead, and his ashy black eyes were clearly surprised as he tried to check if you were alright. 

And that beautiful hooked nose.

He was definitely brooding and good-looking — the tired, overworked, insomniac, bags under his eyes and two steps away from sleeping on his feet kind of good-looking.

The front certainly matches the back.

Then, realizing your mind was doing whirls about his appearance, you shook your head for a moment, dispersing the thoughts away.

"It's fine, just let me-" he answered, taping his hands around his suit, seemingly looking for something. 

You had nearly forgotten you were tight on time until you heard the bell ringing. He turned around startled when it rang, cussing something under his breath, which gave you the perfect opportunity to dash away.

"I'm very sorry! I'm really late for my next class, I need to run, but I'm so, so sorry!" you blurted as you took off running, feeling a tinge of guilt knowing full well you had left him alone to fend off for himself with that abominable coffee stain.

So, why clusterfuck?

When you arrived in class, having lost yourself on campus twice when running around like a dizzy duck in a fatigued haze trying to find the right classroom, you saw who was sitting at the professor's desk in front of the entire classroom.

That huge coffee spill was pretty visible, even if he had now closed his suit jacket on top of it.

Shit.

The man was fumbling around with some papers over his desk with one hand while he adjusted his glasses — that he wasn't wearing earlier — with the other.

You sat in the back of the classroom, which had an amphitheater architecture to it. If you were lucky enough, though, maybe he wouldn't notice you.

However, upon further inspection, you noticed that the back of the class was especially empty, and realized at that moment you were standing out like a sore thumb. 

This couldn't get any worse, could it?

You wished for a hole to appear right under your feet and drag you down.

"So, good morning to you all. I apologize for my late arrival. As you can all tell, I had to face some unforeseen circumstances," he began, pulling on the edge of his jacket suit to reveal the brown-colored Rorschach of shame plastered over his white shirt.

Some students laughed, and you recoiled in your seat, praying this was all just a first-day-in-class-embarrassment type of dream.

It wasn't.

"Welcome to Criminal Law I. My name is Higuruma Hiromi, and I'll be your professor. I hope you all can learn a thing or two from me," he said, before stepping in front of his desk and sitting over it.

"So, I'd like to begin this class with the following question: what is fairness?"

Some hands jumped up, and you slid yourself under your seat even further, surely to hit the ground if you sunk any deeper. 

Higuruma's eyes began darting around the classroom.

Something you'd learn in a second about him was that he liked to poke at the students who didn't seem keen in participating, just to create some stormy engagement and get truly unexpected answers.

The ones who lifted their hands, the classic know-it-alls, were the students he considered to be remarkably boring and utterly predictable.

"You," he stated, and it took you a few seconds — and multiple blinks — to realize his finger was pointing in your direction. "Girl with the red scarf, tell me what you think fairness is."

You were at a complete loss for words.

"I… I… Fairness…"

Then silence.

You couldn't muster up anything to say to save your life.

You really should have slept better.

He sighed, and tilted his head to the side.

"Guess I'll have to demonstrate it."

Nobody understood what the professor meant, and much to everyone's surprise, he began walking up towards you, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose as he did so.

Then, looking straight at you, he stood beside the exit door, and gestured towards it. 

"Girl with the red scarf, please, leave this classroom."

Before you could actually be offended that he didn't even ask your name, you felt your stomach drop, and your face glow a warm, deeply uncomfortable red.

Out of everything you thought could happen, getting kicked out of the classroom within the first five minutes into a lecture wasn’t even listed as one of the top 10 alternatives.

What the fuck? Isn't that a little excessive?

Speechless, you grabbed your backpack from the ground, and lifted yourself up, standing there for a few seconds, completely dumbfounded. The classroom was silent enough that a needle falling on the ground could be heard.

And then, suddenly, the urge came upon you, raining down like a hailstorm.

Laughter bubbled up your throat, and you coughed a little, pursing your lips shut, scrunching your face all around, trying to avoid any sound from leaking out.

He looked at you a little puzzled, and seemed to be wondering if you were about to have a stroke.

You began walking towards the door, but as you were about to cross it, he extended his arm in front of you, blocking your passageway.

"Stay there for a second."

"What?" you asked, coughing a little to shy the laughter away, and his face was once again briefly puzzled when he heard your voice.

A few seconds later, he softly shook off whatever thought that was, and resumed speaking.

"Is this fair? Asking a student to leave a classroom because they failed to answer an open-ended question?" he inquired the other students, waiting for someone to answer.

"N-no, it's not," some guy answered from the front.

Higuruma gestured for you to seat back where you were, and you clumsily stepped your way back, face flustered in utter and absolute embarrassment. This was definitely how bad it all could get. Is he dunking on me for spilling coffee on him and running? That's petty.

 The man was certifiably insane. He was lucky to be so good-looking.

"And why it is not?" he proceeded with the questioning, slowly walking back towards the front of the class again.

"It would be excessive to do so," another student answered.

"Correct. Precisely that, it would be excessive," Higuruma chimed, sitting back over his desk, legs mildly spread as he opened his suit jacket and mindlessly smoothed out his tie with one of his hands. "Criminal Law isn't just about subsuming a person's actions to something the law has described as a crime, and then mechanically submitting said person to some randomly prescribed penalty. Fairness is the most vital and important theoretical foundation when studying criminal law. Not answering a question could be considered some type of in-class offense, sure, and expulsion from the classroom is one possible way to punish the deviant student, but it would be disproportionate and unreasonable to do so."

His gravely voice filled that classroom with no effort whatsoever, and it was an actually pretty good exposition.

It was one thing to describe what a sunset looks like, and another, very different, was to actually show one happening in real time. Words paled in comparison to the crimson, purplish sky engulfing the end of a day.

Most of your teachers, up until this point, had simply begun writing something on the white board at the start of each class, and made less than memorable remarks while spitting out the theory written in the recommended books list in the syllabus. So distant, so abstract, so… Detached from real life.

This was thought-provoking. This was enthralling. Well, this was the reason you enrolled in law school in the first place. 

For a moment, you forgot this professor had just exercised his petty revenge on you, propping yourself up with trepidation. Your tiredness was completely forgotten as his monologue ensued.

He was the real deal.

"Fairness. It will be your guide to assess if a given penalty after a verdict is adequate or not, if someone who acted in self-defense should be found innocent or exceeded their rights in doing so… If the law itself is good enough as it is or should be subject to change, because a penalty might be too high for a seemingly innocuous offense that shouldn't even be a crime in the first place." 

Higuruma paused for a moment to let his students simmer on his words.

"Fairness is the be-all and end-all of Criminal Law. I need everyone to understand this before we proceed, because fairness will be our primary lens in this classroom when studying the subject. So, can I trust that all of you understood what fairness looks like, rather than what it can be conceptualized as?"

He darted his eyes in your direction, and you saw yourself unconsciously nodding in acquiescence. 

You were sure you caught a whiff of a smile on his face right before he resumed his introductory class of principles in criminal law.

***

“We are the only nerds that do this in the teacher’s lounge,” Higuruma stated, as he made his next move on the checkers board.

“You’re probably right,” Higuruma’s best friend replied in his pristine striped gray suit vest, as he thought for a second before making his own move and taking three consecutive pieces of Higuruma’s checkers as he did.

Higuruma groaned in response. Why does he always win on checkers? Goddammit.

“How are you so good at this, Kento? Let’s play chess, just so then I get to win” he complained, leaning back against his chair. “ I can see you winning this one in three moves.”

Nanami huffed. “Checkers was your idea. Besides, we both have our classes soon, there wouldn’t be enough time for a proper chess game.”

Higuruma removed his glasses and slid them inside one of his suit jacket’s inner pockets, brushing the tips of his fingers against his closed eyelids. He couldn’t catch a wink of rest the previous night, anxious to be back in a classroom after such a long time.

It all became very blurry, so he put his glasses back on.

Higuruma didn’t know if he was eager, nervous, happy or dreading this day.

Perhaps a mix of everything and then some.

“I needed something to wake me up. I’ve barely slept, and I’m in dire need of some coffee.” 

“You could try drinking the coffee from the teacher’s lounge,” Nanami pointed out, gesturing his head in the direction of a creepy looking and unkempt thermal bottle. “I wouldn’t advise you on it, though. Only professor Ieiri has been brave enough to drink it so far.”

“I guess I’ll take my chances with the foul cafeteria coffee, I might survive that.”

Nanami smiled as he looked at his friend.

“You’re too overly dramatic.”

At that, Higuruma scoffed.

“And you’re too underly dramatic. That’s why I teach the passionate, great chair of Criminal Law, and you’re responsible for the boring, sleep-inducing chair of Commercial Law.”

“It pays the bills pretty well at my firm,” the other professor retorted. 

Higuruma lifted an eyebrow, as if offended that Nanami thought that argument would dissuade him from his stance.

They were both silent for a moment before Nanami spoke again, noticing the deep eye bags on Higuruma's face.

“Are you having trouble sleeping?”

“No more than the usual,” Higuruma replied, shuffling on his chair, still focused on the checkers board.

Nanami lifted an inquisitive eyebrow, silent for a while, and Higuruma sighed.

“I mean it. I’m fine.”

Still a little unsure, Nanami nodded.

“Okay. Just reach out and come to my office if you need anything,” he offered, slight concern masked under the monotone of his voice. 

“Aw, he likes me,” Higuruma playfully chanted. “So thoughtful of you, my dear.”

“Tsk, shut up,” Nanami scoffed as he got up, taking his neatly folded blazer on his bent arm, “and it’d take me two moves instead of three to have this victory over you.”

“Seriously?!” Higuruma exclaimed, glancing at the board. Upon further inspection, he realized his friend was right. “Shit.”

“Hiromi, go drink your coffee at once. You’re barely functional right now, there is absolutely no way you could teach a class in the state you’re in.”

“Kento, I could teach criminal law in my sleep,” Higuruma mused before lifting himself up. Nanami sighed as Higuruma exited the room.

***

This might be the worst coffee I’ve ever drank, Higuruma thought to himself as he put his cup over the counter and removed his glasses to pinch on his nose. It was all but a failed attempt to air out the foul taste of that watered down, sad excuse for a coffee.

He tried drinking it with nothing — no sugar, no milk, no sweetener, but this atrocity begged for anything to mask the old powder aftertaste.

After folding his glasses and throwing them in one of his suit’s inner pockets, Higuruma let out a heartfelt sigh, just hoping for things to go smoothly that day.

He'd have his hopes torn to shreds in seconds.

Some loud, hasty steps coming in his direction caught his attention, but as soon as he turned to face whoever that was, Higuruma was met with a hot splash all over his shirt and tie.

You have to be kidding me.

“Shit! I’m so sorry!”

He heard a female voice coming from the blurred face right in front of him. Her voice was what he’d call an unusually sweet — if worried — voice. It had a genuinely kind melodic quality to it.

Even if hasty, her words sounded like a heartfelt apology.

Then, she… chuckled? 

Hm… What?

She seemed to lean over dramatically and grab something from behind his back. 

However, on the way back with her arm, her body brushed against his in a worrying fashion, and Higuruma quickly realized she was about to fall. Even though he was over 24 hours sleepless, adrenaline and his reflexes kicked in, as he held her before she could hit the ground, pulling her against him to stand on her feet.

He was still somewhat disoriented from lack of sleep, and failed to realize his hand was still holding her arm intently before the woman squiggled away from his grip.

There was a red blurry thing under her also blurred face.

Only then did he realize he should probably see her face and talk to her properly about the debacle.

The professor said it was fine and began tapping around his suit, not remembering in which pocket exactly he threw his glasses in. However, before he found it, the bell that indicated the time for the first class rang, and Higuruma realized he had completely lost track of time. 

"Fuck," first class and already running late. 

The woman seemed to apologize and ran away, leaving him dumbfounded.

The professor finally managed to find his glasses, fishing them out of his pocket and putting them on, glad that his next class was at the building just around the corner. 

He walked hastily towards it, and got there in less than a couple of minutes, seizing the opportunity to check on his state on the mirror as he entered the elevator.

The coffee stain was humongous and very evident on his white shirt, but he was glad that at least his black tie seemed to fend off fine from the beverage. As Higuruma passed his fingers over the fabric of both pieces, however, it was somewhat sticky. 

He let out a disheartened sigh, stepping out on the corridor and into the classroom, placing his briefcase on the side of his desk.

Now, what will I teach these people today?

Hiromi began ruffling around his papers trying to find the course syllabus, and realized he hadn't brought it with him. These papers were nothing but useless administrative shenanigans, so he decided to wing it in any way he could to illustrate criminal law for the students.

The thing is, how can you effectively grab someone's attention when it's 7 o'clock in the morning, and most people are completely hungover?

With adrenaline, of course.

***

The rest of the class went on without a hiccup, and you had made much more notes than you anticipated you would. His voice had a weird calming and focusing effect on you, as much as you hated admitting it — also, it wasn't so hard accompanying him walking around making his exposition when his face looked like that.

However, you decided you'd talk to him, first off because it would be incredibly uncomfortable to keep going to both of his classes for six months without ever addressing the coffee faux pas, and second because you had just been victimized by the pettiest revenge known to mankind by a college professor. 

You kind of deserved it, but still. It was pretty immature, even if he was Dr. Genius who just taught the best class you had ever seen in your life.

"So, students, we'll have a quick test this week," Higuruma stated, "the Dean has requested that all professors use these to assess your knowledge every month, and I'd like to get this over with as soon as possible."

Many sighs and displeased grunts could be heard around the classroom. He leaned over his desk as he sat, putting his papers away in his briefcase.

"I know, I don't like it either, but at least you'll only need to study a week's worth of content, not a month."

Some hm, fine, ugh, were uttered by the students as they left the classroom. You walked hesitantly behind them all, waiting for everyone to leave before you could speak to him alone. 

You were already going to be remembered as the girl mock expelled from the classroom. No one needed to know you also had assaulted their professor with a desecrated cup of coffee before that.

As you stepped in front of his desk, he lifted his gaze to meet yours.

"Yes?"

Something you hadn't anticipated was that looking at him — and his hooked nose — up close like this would jumble your thoughts around.

Oh, shit. He's handsome.

Dumbified, you spat out the first thing you could think of.

"So, professor, I'm the student you fake expelled earlier," you stated, realizing he obviously already knew that.

Brilliant. Off to a great start.

Higuruma nodded, feeling something prickling at the back of his brain as he heard your voice for a second time.

"What did you think? Was it a good way to convey this class motif?" he asked, finally closing his briefcase and putting it on the ground, completely ignoring the fact that it was probably an uncomfortable experience for all of the people involved, especially you.

You were a little incredulous at how oblivious he seemed to be, and it annoyed you. Was this out of good heart, or was he playing dumb?

"It was a good exposition, professor, but I wanted to talk about something else," you answered.

“5000 yen.”

“... What?”

“That’s my law firm’s hourly fee.”

You stood silent. He chuckled a little, shrugging back.

“I’m joking. I don’t even have a practice. Tell me what you need.”

Is this guy for real?

You cleared your throat before continuing.

“It felt horrible to be on the spot like that out of nowhere, without any knowledge as to what was going on.”

After blurting it out, you braced yourself, knowing full well by now that professors were usually pretty big ego'd kind of people. Nonetheless, this had to be said, at least for the sake of the next student he decided to torture with one of his experiments.

He looked at you with wide eyes, and seemed to ponder for a moment.

“Oh, I see. My apologies,” Higuruma offered in earnest, while his face softened.

You were very surprised.

“Oh, okay," you mumbled as you scratched the back of your neck, "I accept your apology. But maybe you should really give the student a heads-up next time you intend to do that.”

“That would presume I consider that students are people, and not minions to torture.”

Uh?

“Also a joke.”

“You’re not very good with those.”

Did I say that out loud? 

He simply stared surprised at you, seemingly a little shocked.

I did say it out loud.

"Fuck."

And that too. 

After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, Higuruma suddenly chuckled, much to your surprise. Your eyes widened, and you stared at him, extremely confused as to what was up with this guy.

“You're a sincere person," he noted, and you shrugged hesitantly.

Higuruma was definitely amused at this exchange.

He then proceeded.

"Being sincere is good, but my best friend always warns me to try keeping it to myself most of the time. I don’t listen, of course, but maybe you should for now. People get offended easily.” 

His exposition made you feel a little less out of place — and less alone, for what it was worth. You instantly remembered your parents used to chide you for blurting out things like that out of nowhere, instead of keeping them in your head like other people do, according to them.

You didn't realize you were smiling as you mindlessly opened your coat.

He took notice of your shirt, and began slowly realizing there was something off about it.

"Is that usual?" you asked, out of the blue.

He shook his head, being pulled out of his head. "What?"

"The mock expulsion?"

"Heavens, no."

"Then, why?" you inquired.

He rubbed his face with his hands.

"Because I needed something to wake mine and everybody else's brain up. Classes shouldn't be this early, and I didn't get a wink of sleep last night."

Higuruma was still out of sorts, spilling the tea of his insomniac state to one of his random students whom he had just met.

"Oh, me neither!" you told him, also absentmindedly, on a stream of consciousness rant towards a professor you were talking to for the first time. "Classes should start after noon, at the very least…"

"I know, right? Some things shouldn't be a crime, but making people wake up this early for class definitely ought to be."

You laughed softly, and you both kept silent for a moment, before you remembered what you thought was the reason for the mock punishment.

"Oh, professor… I'm sorry about the coffee."

He was confused for a few moments before broadening his eyes as he finally realized it.

No wonder Higuruma felt like he recognized your voice from somewhere, and now he took a good look at the red smudge he had seen earlier under what he figured was your face.

It was the ugliest scarf he had ever seen.

"I came here wanting to ask if you had done the fake expulsion thing as some sort of…" you sighed, a little ashamed. "Well, I'd like to apologize for staining your clothes, and offer to get you new ones, or at least pay for your laundry fee if needed."

He lifted one eyebrow at you before he resumed speaking.

"I didn't catch your face then. I mean, I didn't recognize you at all," Higuruma answered, "so no. But I'd never… Well, you barely know me, so you wouldn't know, but my opinion on the matter is that professors that exert selfish vendettas against students, for whatever reason, are absolute fools."

"You didn't recognize me? Say what now?"

He pointed at his glasses, and you finally understood completely how all of this petty revenge narrative was entirely in your head.

"I-I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's okay."

"But still…"

He sighed.

"It was a possibility, given how things in a college setting usually go, but that is why we investigate things further before prosecuting, right? A narrative might make a lot of sense, up until you confront it with the gathered evidence."

You joined your hands in front of you, embarrassed.

"Yes, I guess so," you answered, "but please, let me at least pay to get your clothes cleaned."

The professor shook his head.

"Absolutely not. You're an undergraduate student. I've been one, I'm quite aware of the financial hardships most of you endure as I've struggled with them myself not so long ago."

Even though you felt somewhat uncomfortable about not evening things out, he was right. This money would be fairly missed — you were already missing the $2 worth of coffee you didn't manage to drink.

"It was an accident, you didn't cover me with your beverage intentionally. Also, you had to leave because you were late for my class," he paused, "and I'm actually flattered you'd leave someone to fend off for themselves against that foul cafeteria coffee just to run to one of my classes."

You chuckled a little, and he proceeded.

"So, it's okay. You don't have to pay me for anything. This is fine."

You sighed, truly relieved, and he was glad you came to talk to him and properly apologize for the blunder.

"Thank you for your time and kindness, professor. I hope you have a good day."

He bowed his head slightly.

"Same to you."

However, something was still scratching at the back of his mind.

"Hm, hey… since we are on the topic of clothing and I just let you off the hook on paying for my dry cleaning…" Higuruma said, and you stopped midway towards the door, turning to face him.

"This might be an odd question, but I'm very curious."

"Hm… what is it?"

He pointed at your sleeping shirt, now evident under the open coat.

"Are those pajamas?"

You immediately pulled your coat over your hello kitty top, lifting one eyebrow in pathetic defiance.

"Of course… not?"

Higuruma thought to himself that you were turning into one of the most unique students he ever had.

"Do you intend to be an attorney?"

"... yes?" You answered, with some suspicion.

He huffed.

"Then improve your lying game for Court. You can do your crazy, but defend it as if it was the utmost truth in the universe, okay?"

Higuruma couldn't quite explain it, but this conversation with you was strangely amusing.

Maybe going back to the classroom wouldn't be so difficult after all, if even half of his students were a little out of sorts like this.

"... Okay," you replied, removing your hand and letting your pathetic sanrio pajamas shirt show once again.

"So, are those pajamas?" he inquired again, more incisively.

You straightened yourself and made a fake serious expression.

"Of course not."

"Much better," Higuruma answered with an actual smile.

The way his cheek creased around his mouth was weirdly charming, just as most things about him, it seemed.

Trying not to stare, you smiled back at Higuruma and turned around, leaving for your next class with heat prickling against your cheeks.

Tag list:

@arusearu @yammy-yammy-yama @markleeisdabestdrug @redlikerozez @delirious-donna

@alwaysfreakingout @murderofravens @senseifupa @higurumapet @cindyneko-strider 

@ohhheymessa @actuallysaiyan @bigbaddulce

[sxcret-garden]

1st Desire ღ Testing Limits [M]

ღ Aspects of Desire series ღ Ateez Jongho x fem!reader ღ words: ~5.9k ღ genre: established relationship, college AU, fluff, some humor, slice of life, smut (dom!Jongho, sub!reader, parts of a very awkward kink negotiation turning into a slightly less awkward kink negotiation asdjflka, choking (reader receiving), unprotected sex, thigh riding, fingering, orgasm denial, multiple orgasms) ღ warnings: (mention of him running his hand through reader’s hair)

Desc.: You and your boyfriend decide to take a step towards a new chapter in your relationship when a secret desire of yours finally slips through. What you didn’t know until now is that he’s more experienced than you thought he was, and that you’re not the only one who’s been dying to spice up your sex life.

Author's note: aaaa I'm really nervous about how this series is gonna do, now that I'm finally putting out the first chapter!! I've been working on it for quite a while and it's become a very important project to me, so I hope y'all enjoy reading as much I enjoy writing it <3

next chapter →

If someone asked you about the thing you appreciate the most about your boyfriend (at gunpoint, because there’s no way you could choose just one trait under normal circumstances), you’d say it’s his softness. A softness that’s apparent in his smile and in the way he treats people, yet only selected few get to see fully. You remember the first time you felt he was opening up to you a bit, granting you permission to see what’s going on inside, and how that was the moment you started falling in love with him. 

It’s the kindness in his words, behind the sound of his voice when he was reassuring you that he didn’t mind you calling him late at night and out of the blue because you needed someone to talk to, and he was the first person who came to mind. And the other way around, it’s the way he suddenly seemed very small as he crawled into his safe haven that has unmistakably become you when he went through a rough time. 

It’s how he talks to people in general, treating everyone with kindness first of all, because it’s among his core beliefs that everyone deserves to be faced with respect. And it’s the warmth that inevitably breaks through the cracks and to the outside when he smiles, laughs at some weird joke, or simply when he steps aside to make way for a complete stranger rushing past him in the crowd.

It’s how you feel when he holds you, wrapping his arms around you, the warmth of his body warming you up too, and you can finally let go of the tension you’ve been carrying within your bones all day. It’s the way he kisses you - you remember your first kiss that was merely lips brushing against each other in a feathery light touch, and the bright yet shy smile that took over his entire face right after, and you still recall how this too made you fall for him yet a little bit deeper. 

So why is it that you can’t but feel yourself bursting with excitement when he isn’t being soft at all?

It started quite early, in the blink of a moment and definitely not on purpose. You were out with some of his friends and some of your friends, and though most of them could sense there was something going on between the two of you, you weren’t official yet. And so it happened that one of his friends drunkenly, after visiting a bar not far from the place you had spent an entire afternoon together, tried to get close to you. It wasn’t to the point you would’ve felt uncomfortable - he started talking to you like one normally would when attempting to strike up a conversation, asking questions that made it clear he was interested in you. You didn’t find his way of chatting with you overbearing or anything, and you didn’t think much of it when he touched your arm seemingly mindlessly, but the second it striked you that just maybe this guy was glued to you a bit unusually much, Jongho stepped in. You can clearly recall the anger reflecting on his face, suddenly making an expression that didn’t show a single trace of the kindness you were used to. You don’t remember what exactly he said when he told the guy off, you barely even remember the shock apparent in your other friends’ hushed whispers as everyone seemed to agree that his reaction was a tad exaggerated. What you do recall was how it made your heart suddenly skip a beat. Back then you appointed this solely to your budding feelings for him and that you were crushing on him bad. However, with each time the memory came back to haunt you afterwards, it became more and more clear that there was something undeniably attractive about this side of him that is anything but soft. 

You also felt it when you were play fighting, like that time he momentarily raised his eyebrows at you almost mockingly, looking down at your smaller frame while holding an item just out of reach to mess with you as revenge, after you had managed to mildly piss him off. And even when that expression was wiped off his face mere seconds later as he handed you what you were desperately trying to reach with an apology accompanied by a sheepish smile, the pounding in your chest wouldn’t cease. 

And then there’s another situation where these complex desires you’re keeping hidden away mostly because you just don’t know how to bring them up to him keep taking over and clouding your mind, like a fire that’s only waiting to be ignited, in order to burn you up whole.

His lips brush against yours, parting from you after what can barely be considered a kiss. You feel his weight on top of you, he has your hands pinned against the bed to either side of your head, supporting himself like that as he rolls his hips into yours. Smooth and slow movements meant to satisfy you, but not for long, and yet the pleasure keeps building up in the pit of your stomach. 

“Fuck…” you mutter a curse, squeezing your eyes tightly shut in the race towards your high, and still you know he isn’t giving you everything yet. 

“You look so pretty like this.” The words slip past Jongho’s lips, and you sigh at the way they make you feel, only to take a glance at his face, seeing the desperate chase towards his high reflecting on his features as well. He lets go of one of your hands without changing the pace at which he thrusts into you, fingertips dancing down your arm until he reaches your jaw, loosely cupping your face. The touch sends an electric wave through your body, and you remember a distinct thought that keeps creeping into your mind time and time again these days. And now that he has brought his hand so close to where you’re aching to really have it, you can’t but put your own palm on top of it. If it hadn’t been for these coincidences, this, and the fact that just before he had pushed you down onto his bed to make love to you, this thought came to haunt you once again, you wouldn’t do what you’re about to do.

You wrap your fingers around his wrist, and without any signs of resistance, he lets you peel his hand off your cheek. However, when you place it on top of your throat instead, extending your neck almost instinctively when you feel his fingertips grazing your pulse, your boyfriend slows down, and eventually his movements come to a halt.

“Are you… are you sure about this?” As you hear him whisper those words, your first thought is that he must not like what you just did. But when you take a look at his face, and you see the way his eyes have undeniably darkened, his lips slightly parted as he tries to catch his breath, you feel like the complete opposite must be true.

“Yeah,” you mouth. “Been wanting to try this for so long…” Your confession causes yet another emotion to spark behind his gaze that’s suddenly so intent, and so much more intense than you’re used to. It takes him merely a moment to process your words, then he moves away from you with a muttered “wait”. Depriving you of both the touch against your throat that you’ve been longing for so much, and the sensation of him filling you up so perfectly leaves you feeling unexpectedly empty, but when he instead sits before you, taking you by the hands and pulling you towards him, you follow eagerly while something connects in your mind - he knows what he’s doing.

“Come here,” Jongho whispers, inviting you into his lap, his gaze finding your lips while he helps you move closer. “Ride me?” You can only nod once before he kisses you, allowing you to sink down on his length as he releases you and then reconnects your lips, and without hesitation you can feel him putting his hand around your nape again. He starts with bringing his palm up to your chest, moving it up unhurriedly, yet not letting you wait, and as soon as his thumb brushes across your throat, you break the kiss to throw your head back and you let out a soft moan. Your heart is racing like crazy from the simple motion alone, and he places his other hand onto your hip to guide you into a steady pace on top of him.

“You like that?” he asks, curiously, and yet you don’t miss the amused spark flaring up in his eyes when you glance at him.

“Yeah,” you reply honestly as your whole body heats up. It really does feel even better than you imagined it, like this one simple touch has engulfed you in flames, making you feel a kind of sensation you’ve never felt before. Your boyfriend moves his hand to the back of your head, entangling his fingers with the strands of your hair now, and you immediately furrow your brows in protest. It causes a smirk to appear on his lips, and the thumb of his hand resting on your hip finds its way to your clit, starting to give the sensitive bundle of nerves some attention.

“F-fuck…” you stutter, arms thrown around his shoulders and you let yourself fall forward in order to bury your face in the crook of his neck. Tutting at you, he brings his hand back to where you wanted it, pushing you away gently in order to be able to look at your face.

“Let me watch as you cum,” he mutters, his gaze taking in your features, and when you whimper in agreement he too lets out a breathy moan. Applying some more pressure to your clit, he never once takes his eyes off you as you’re racing towards your high - you can tell he’s enjoying this newfound power he has over you, and it’s getting him off too. 

Only a few more repetitions of your movements on top of him and your hips start to stutter, and when he moves his hand resting against your throat just a bit further up, blood rushes to your head at once. You know you won’t last much longer, and so you mewl,

“G-gonna cum…” A sigh of approval falls from his lips, before he answers with a strained “me too”, and then your high comes crashing down on you. You dig your nails into the skin on his shoulders as your body is shaken, and the convulsions around his cock buried inside of you have him letting out a broken groan, before you can feel him releasing deep in your cunt as well. 

As you gradually come down from your respective highs, you lie down side by side, and when your eyes meet for a moment you both know it’s about time you two had a conversation about this. However, for now it’s too late at night anyway, and with him nuzzling his nose into your temple and pulling you close, you decide that it could just as well wait until tomorrow. 

“So…” Your boyfriend joins his hands together in front of him, his right hand clasping his left fist, and the second you look at him, he looks away instinctively.

“Yeah…” you answer, knowing what he’s trying to say, but somehow it’s hard to break through the air of awkwardness that has settled around you the moment you both sat down in the living room area of his flat. With him having made himself comfortable on the sofa (and then subsequently tensed up as you entered his proximity), you decided to misuse the coffee table in front of it as a seating opportunity, for the sake of being able to sit across from him, figuring that might make the conversation easier.

It doesn’t. You both don’t know what to say, and this is by no means a one time thing. You recall other occasions where you both sat down to talk and then the beginning of the conversation was similarly difficult, just that usually it’s about a problem you have, hurt feelings, or anything else one of you felt needed to be talked out. And you know that usually one of you eventually breaks the ice - admittedly it’s him who gets the conversation going most of the time, a skill you very much value in your boyfriend - but this here is very different. Sure, sex has been brought up between you two before, you are actively having sex with each other after all, but somehow the feel of a talk about it has never seemed this serious.

“Is it… supposed to be this awkward?” This time it’s you who starts the first attempt at smoothing out the mental obstacles that are undoubtedly there. And it seems to be working, because as Jongho lets out a soft laugh at your remark, you can see some of the tension leaving his shoulders.

“Ah, no…” he says, but then he quickly adds, “I mean, it can be, I guess. The first time I had this conversation it started the same, so…” Ending on an implication, he monitors your reaction to his words closely for an entirely different reason. You know he broke up with his last girlfriend not too long before the two of you started getting closer, but he’s never talked about their sexual relationship with you before.

“Oh?” You raise your eyebrows, now feeling genuinely curious. “What do you mean?” Your boyfriend straightens his back as he rolls back his shoulders, and with you watching how his gaze wanders from one point to the other on the wall behind you, he gathers his thoughts and becomes serious.

“You know… when you put my hand around your throat, I liked that. I mean,” he lets out a short laugh, “I think you figured as much.”

“I could tell, yeah,” you confirm, and when he looks at you to continue talking, you feel yourself gulping. His gaze seems more intense than usual, despite his otherwise softened features - or are you imagining things and it’s just your own nerves? You have no idea.

“I did this kind of stuff with my ex too,” he says. “Like… not just the choking, you know? We did other things too, dipped our toes into testing out what it would be like if I have more power over the situation,...”

“Like… BDSM stuff?” The question comes out more awkwardly than it should’ve, and you can clearly sense that you have no idea how to approach the topic in conversation. Then again, it’s just another thing people do - no need to be so uptight about it, right?

“Yeah.” He’s averting his gaze again, shyness creeping onto his face, and somehow you find the contrast between his words and the air around him endearing.

“Like… with whips and stuff?” you continue asking, because you’ve never thought about him in that context, but somehow you can see the association making sense.

“Ah, no, we didn’t go that far,” Jongho explains, waving his hands in front of himself to underline his statement. “We did other things, but… ultimately what we wanted out of that play didn’t align.”

“Oh,” you gasp, wondering whether that was part of the reason why they broke up, but you don’t pry for now.

“So… what I’m trying to say is… I’ve been thinking about how to bring this up to you. But I didn’t want to… make you feel uncomfortable. Since we’ve been keeping things very vanilla so far, you know?”

“You wouldn’t have-” you immediately try to refute, but you stop yourself. Really, you don’t know if you would’ve been intimidated by your boyfriend’s desires. It probably depends on what kind of stuff he wants to do to you. Expanding on the image you brought up earlier in your head, you realize you’re not sure if you’d be okay with whips after all. “Actually, what are the things you want to do?” You decide to pose a question instead, understanding that you shouldn’t give him any definite answers about this without being 100% sure about them yourself. And though you expect him to have a reply right away, he hesitates.

“Maybe… we should take this slow,” he says, voicing his thoughts out loud, and you can tell he really is afraid of scaring you off. So you reach out across the gap in between your knees, until your hands are resting on top of his.

“It’s okay,” you reassure him. “Let’s talk about it, and I tell you if I’m okay with the things you want.”

“Okay,” he agrees eventually, but then sinks into thought once again.

“What is it?” you chuckle as he doesn’t speak. “You’re taking this very seriously.” Your remark tears him out of his thoughts, and the complicated expression on his face tells you he isn’t entirely sure how to take your words. “I mean, isn’t it about fun most of all?” you add, and now he furrows his brows.

“It’s not that it’s not about fun, just… you need to be careful about these things. Even with what we did last time, if I put my hand around your throat the wrong way or apply too much pressure I can seriously hurt you. And I don’t want that.” Not just from the content of his speech, but also from the way he looks at you you can tell that there’s some very logical reasons behind his caution, and it causes you to think that maybe you’re not taking this seriously enough.

“You’re right, I think I get it now,” you answer, lowering your head apologetically.

“So maybe we should start with the things I’ve done before,” your partner continues. “That way we can test the waters, and I can make sure I know what I’m doing and can ensure your safety.”

“That sounds like a plan.”

“So… are you okay with the kind of dynamic where I take on a more dominant role?” he follows up with a question, and you swallow thickly at all the associations popping up in your head. Even just the thought of you submitting to him has your temperature rising, and so you nod.

“Yes, I would like that.”

You talk about a few things, mostly kinks and practices he brings up, and as he’s taking his time discussing everything, repeatedly reminding you that if you’re unsure about something you can just say no and bring it up at a later point if you happen to get curious about it again, you’re beginning to develop an entirely new understanding of boundaries. It’s like everyone talks about them and their importance, yet it’s hard to figure out how to have a conversation about them, except for the “say no if you don’t want something” part. And even that’s tricky, because sometimes people simply don’t respect a no.

You feel like that’s not the case here at all, and so your conversation becomes yet another reason for why you feel you can trust him so much. And at the same time you come to understand that he too needs to be able to trust you, if you’re going to try getting more adventurous in the bedroom.

“Let’s use the color system, just in case,” he suggests. “Have you heard of it?”

“Like ‘green’ for ‘keep going’, ‘red’ for ‘stop’ and ‘yellow’ for…”

“For ‘slow down’ or… as a sign you’re getting close to your limits,” he finishes the sentence for you. “Even if we’re just going to try one thing at a time, I’d like to use that to check in with you, just in case.” You agree with his suggestion, and at the same time you notice how you’re much more comfortable than at the beginning of the conversation. No trace of awkwardness left. Instead, you feel yourself getting excited at all the new opportunities opening themselves up to you at once. You’ve been fantasizing about spicing up your sex life for a while now, and having finally made that first step towards it affects you in more ways than one.

“So…” you mutter as you lean in, your hands reaching for his and fitting into them very naturally. “Wanna get right to it?” You ask, your lips merely an inch away from his, but Jongho just laughs as he leans back.

“Y/N, isn’t it about time you leave for your evening class?” Immediately, a pout forms on your lips, and you’re more than unhappy about him bursting your bubble like that.

“It’s not a class, it’s just a meet-up for a project…” you refute, though you shouldn’t skip that either. Your boyfriend gives you an endearing look, his gums showing as he shoots you a smile and he extends his arm to run his fingers through your hair.

“Go to that meet-up, Y/N,” he says, and his expression changes ever so slightly as he adds, “And when you’re back, we can see if there’s a way I can reward you for your hard work.” You can undeniably feel the shift in energy from his last words, the way you suddenly feel like you’re smaller than him, like he’s been elevated to standing just a step above you. It’s not like you haven’t felt this air of dominance radiating off of him ever before, but after your conversation just now it has been put into an entirely new context, and it causes yet another spark of excitement to sear through you. And so all you can do is nod and get up to get ready for your meeting.

When the sun has long set and you get back home, your boyfriend is already awaiting you, as promised. To the question about whether you have eaten dinner yet, you answer no, and to your dismay he makes you wait for the thing you’re really craving just a bit longer.

“You should eat,” he says, hand brushing against your back as he notices you sitting down in front of some leftovers with a disappointed expression on your face that you just can’t hide, and he adds with an amused chuckle, “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you this impatient.” You say nothing, and when you continue sulking it just makes him laugh some more. You know he’s being caring - and definitely reasonable - when he makes you do your evening routine too after that, but deep inside you really do wonder how he can bear the wait that you’re very much already tired of. And then finally you’re moving towards the bedroom, and if you’re not mistaken you can finally see a hint of impatience in the way he watches you walk up to him.

You take a step forward, to where he’s sitting at the edge of the bed and you place your hands on his shoulders, fingers playing with the collar of his pajamas. His hands find purchase on your waist, pulling you in closer yet, until your shins hit the wooden bedframe, and then his palms wander south to your hips. 

“I’ve made you wait too long, hm?” he mutters. You say nothing, instead running your fingers through his hair, and your boyfriend briefly closes his eyes as he leans into your touch. You move towards him, bowing down in order to press a kiss onto his lips, and when your fingers begin fumbling with the buttons on his shirt, you reply with a chuckle,

“You did.” Watching you as you finish undoing the button-up shirt, he allows you to sit in his lap to straddle him once you’re done, and without hesitation you connect your lips to his. You can feel him sigh into your kiss as your fingertips come in contact with his stomach, and you move your palm all the way up in order to place it at the back of his neck. His tongue swiping across your bottom lip, you let him deepen the kiss, and when you play with the short strands at the back of his head he becomes just a little more passionate in how he kisses you. Effortlessly, he takes the lead from you, and when you finally part you’re more breathless than he is. One of his palms now placed at the small of your back, he pulls you closer yet, applying some pressure to make you roll your hips on top of him. 

“That’s right,” he mutters, your faces mere inches apart, and you let out a shaky breath at the friction of your clothed cunt rubbing against his leg. He brings his free hand up to cup your cheek, gaze dropping down to your lips, but contrary to your expectation, he doesn’t kiss you. “Keep going,” he encourages you, and so you fall into a steady rhythm, a wave of heat rushing to your core with every repetition of your movements. “Feels good?” he asks and you nod.

“Yeah…” His gaze burns like fire as he watches you closely, making sure he doesn’t miss a single change of expression on your face.

“So, what’s your color?”

“Green…” you respond without having to think about it much, feeling the pleasure slowly building up. “You could tell though, right?” you add.

“Yeah.” Jongho smiles at you, letting his hands travel to the hem of your shirt and pulling it up. You let go of his shoulders for a moment to let him peel it off you, before he flings it somewhere to the ground and you throw your arms around his neck again. “Just thought I could bring it up once,” he then adds, and you let him hear a soft chuckle. 

“You don’t have to be that careful,” you whisper. To be quite honest, you adore him for taking your safety so seriously, way more seriously than you think is necessary - because as for you there’s no way you’d feel uncomfortable about something as tame as this, but you appreciate his caution nonetheless.

A curse falls from your lips as you’re able to feel your orgasm gradually building up somewhere in the depths of your stomach, and when you feel him running his hands up your torso once more, a shiver runs down your spine. He’s letting his touch come close to your throat, but not quite far enough, and yet you lean your head back instinctively, to give him access. You don’t miss the amused huff he lets out at your reaction, and instead of his fingers, you can now feel his lips attached to your skin there. Supporting you with his palm against your back, he kisses his way up along your pulse, the sensation making you moan, and when he lets his teeth graze your skin just below your ear your head starts to spin. Your hips stutter at the sensations overwhelming you, and he’s quick to reach for your waist to hold you down, making you halt your movements. He scatters kisses along your jaw before calling your name to make you look at him, and when you do, he brushes his lips against yours. Deepening the kiss, he simultaneously slips his hand past the hem of your pants, and when he presses his fingertips against your folds through your soaked underwear, you can feel him grinning into the kiss.

“Already made a mess of yourself, hm?” You shudder at his words, and at the tone of his voice that’s somehow different from how he usually talks to you in this kind of situation. You’re used to him speaking softly as he quite literally makes love to you, but this is different. 

Everything about it is different, right from the moment he invited you to sit on his lap. So this is what he was talking about, what you were so curious about, and now that you’re getting a taste of this side of your boyfriend, the only thing you know is that you want more.

“Y-yeah,” you can only whimper an answer, and you suck in a sharp breath when he pushes aside your soiled panties in order to touch you directly. He watches again, the look in his eyes making you feel small and helpless - but not in a bad way. It’s like you want him to take control of you, to do with you whatever he pleases - you feel yourself submitting to him. 

A finger pushed inside your wet pussy has you moaning, a second finger makes you curse and fall forward, attempting to bury your face in the crook of his neck, but he clicks his tongue and pushes you back into an upright position with his palm against your chest. 

“I want to watch,” Jongho says, it’s almost a whisper, the energy behind his words is very different from the last time this exact scenario played out, and his words ring in your ears loudly, only serving to amplify the pleasure his touches send through your body. Bucking your hips into his hand to see whether he would allow you to move, you become aware of the bulge in his pants, and the urge to touch him overcomes you.

“Can I…?” You ask, looking down on him and then back into his face, and his answer is short and clear.

“No.” He curls his fingers that are buried in your cunt, pulling them out only to thrust them back in, and when he finds that perfect spot inside you, you arch your back into his touch, your nails digging into the fabric covering his shoulders.

“Right there… don’t stop…” you beg, eyes shut tightly, as he continues fingering you at an unhurried pace. You roll your hips into his hand, your sensitive bud grazing his palm for some friction with every movement, and you can now undeniably feel your high approaching at lightning speed. 

“Look at me, Y/N,” he says, and your name spoken in this tone you’ve never heard from him alone would’ve almost sent you over the edge. “You look so pretty when you cum. But…” The broken whine you let out when he removes his hand from your core as you shudder causes a hint of delight to tug at the corners of his mouth. “You’re gonna look even prettier when you cum with my hand around your throat.”

“Why…” is all you can whimper at his sudden action, not having fully registered the meaning of his last words yet. Then he pushes you off his lap and back onto your feet.

“Take your clothes off for me,” he orders, his tone softening, yet his sharp gaze won’t leave you. You do as told, and he as well rids himself of his pajamas, before he makes you lie down flat and comfortably in the middle of the bed. He wastes no time to get on top of you, scattering a trail of impatient kisses from your sternum up to your mouth. His lips feel rougher against yours now, his tongue quick to part them and to find yours as your hands fly to his back, nails digging into his bare skin. Up until now he’s usually taken his time with you, no surprising movements at all, and so you understandably gasp in surprise when now he unexpectedly breaks the kiss to sit up, reaching for your thighs and bringing them up. Throwing your legs over his shoulders, he leans in closer, and you mewl when he rolls his hips against yours once, his cock grazing your folds and clit.

“That feel okay?” he asks, and you nod immediately, clenching around thin air as you feel yourself growing more and more impatient. 

“I’m okay,” you reply, desperately. “More than okay.” His hands resting on the underside of your thighs as he presses them into the sheets to your sides, he pushes up into you, making you cry out from the force behind his thrust. 

“Shit…” you curse at the impact.

“And that?” he asks. “How’s-”

“Please just keep going, please…” you interrupt him, and contrary to your plea, he does nothing but look down at your state with a big smirk on his face. He has you exactly where he wants you, you know that now, and to be honest? You can only wonder why you haven’t started having rougher sex like this earlier. “Please…” you whimper again.

“What do you want?” Jongho asks, placing one of his palms onto your stomach. “Want me to ruin you?”

“Y-yes please,” you whine. He moves his hand up a bit, slowly, but not too slow, and when he finally snakes his fingers around your throat, you let out an uncontrolled moan.

“Like this?” he asks, and at this point you’re sure he’s only dragging this out to provoke you for the fun of it. And yet, with his hand around your neck like this you don’t have the strength in you to fight back or to do anything but beg.

“Y-yes… baby please…” 

“Please what?”

“Please ruin me…” This seemingly being the answer he wanted to hear, he now starts thrusting into you, slowly at first. But his smooth motions soon turn into something rougher, something led not by self-control, but by his own lust, maybe his need for release, maybe his desire to see with his own eyes what he can do to you like this. And then there’s his hand around your throat, his touch feeling hot against your skin, even though it’s only resting there, not applying any pressure whatsoever. And still you find yourself unable to do anything but moan along with the pace he’s pounding into you, his weight pressing your body into the mattress. Groans fall from his lips as well, and you can feel a dull pain as he digs his nails into the flesh on your thigh. 

“‘M coming… close…” you mewl, and as if that was his cue, you feel his grip around your neck becoming just a bit tighter, and his fingertips press down onto your pulse. Your head starts to spin, your mouth falling open, one broken moan after the other coming out, and mere moments later your high crashes down on you. Your body shakes violently and you feel your boyfriend’s hand being retracted from your throat, and the second he does you moan his name, clenching around his length that’s thrusting in and out of you even faster now. It doesn’t take long until he as well finds his release, a hissed curse falling from his lips as his short hair falls into his face, covering his expression as he too is shaken from the pleasure.

He pulls out of you, reaching for the tissues he’s keeping beside his bed to help clean you up before doing the same for himself and then he thoroughly inspects your throat, making sure he didn’t accidentally apply too much pressure or leave a mark.

“Are you okay?” he asks and you nod. “No pain anywhere?”

“No,” you answer, giving him a tired smile, and then you sit up. “Actually… I really enjoyed that.” For some reason you feel shy as you speak those words, and he immediately picks up on your state of mind, reaching out to cup your face and run his thumb across your cheek in a reassuring motion.

“That’s good.”

“And you? Did you… enjoy it?” And now suddenly he looks away somewhat shyly as well, and for a second there it’s hard to imagine this is the same person who’s been fucking you like that just a hot minute ago.

“I did,” your boyfriend answers. 

“Then let’s try out more,” you suggest, but then you rephrase your words to make them come out sounding as sure of yourself as you are. “I want to know more.”

[a-doubleh-x]

Why I like Charlastor

The other day I noticed there was some negativity in the Charlastor tag, including antis and people feeling the need to defend against antis, so I thought I might as well take a step back and just write candidly about why I like the ship.

I only got into Hazbin in October of last year, but already it has inspired me a lot to write and fantazise about it. Like most people, I started with the classic "they look cute together", but as I kept looking I couldn't help but think there was something else to these two than first met the eye.

For starters, I love Pollyanas! I think they get a bad rep for being naive, but I just appreciate an optimist like Charlie who just wants to make people around her happy because it makes her happy. I also like bad boys 😳 I'm a pretty heteronormative guy, so I haven't had a big chance to explore that part of myself yet, but I do like the danger and excitement someone like Alastor brings to the table.

I will admit when I started writing Charlastor I felt like I was handling dynomite. It's a lil scary to ship a boundless altruist with a manipulative sociopath, but bear with me.

I think each of them has something the other needs. I think Charlie needs someone to challenge her, someone to steer her in the right direction while she's mostly isolated. At the start of the series, practically nobody but Vaggie takes her seriously, and Alastor is no exception. He mocks her, teases her, but she still listens and I think it's because somewhere deep down she understands there's something he's trting to communicate in his annoying, but curious way.

Of course, I also love the fanon Charlie who's down bad for Alastor, and even if that Charlie is a little naive, I think it's also sweet and she can use some indulgence while most people treat her like a child.

On the other hand, when it comes to Alastor, this is a bit of a theory on my part, but I think he's secretely lonely. He has friends, certainly, like Rosie and Mimzy, but they're not good enough friends to live together with him. They don't seem to be able to save him from "pure, absolute boredom". But Charlie, for some reason can, even though she's a stranger at the beginning when Alastor chooses to move into the Hotel.

Alastor is not as much of a cynic as someone who chooses to see things in a perspective that benefits him. He doesn't think redeeming sinner is "hopeless", but "hilarious" instead, which has interesting implications to me. That's why he chooses to hover around Charlie, not because he thinks she's lame, rather because he thinks she's silly. She makes him laugh. Which I think is kind of how Alastor sees "love".

And then you have fanon Alastor who, depending on the writer, is either a horny animal, a wisecrack edgelord or a soft boy who's mean to everyone but Charlie XD I like several of those interpretations, but I kinda prefer mine just out of personal taste. I think the best part about Alastor is that he doesn't *care* what anyone thinks of him and always does what he wants, even at the expense of other people, which I find pretty enviable.

They're kinda both outcasts in their own ways. Charlie by being unable to fit in and Alastor being unwilling to compromise. But they don't judge each other. He supports her in his own weird way and she houses him and is delighted of him in general, which is tasty food for his ego. I do wonder why Alastor is interested in Charlie, both in canon and in a fandom vacuum.

There's some cool potential for drama there, but also growth and healing, in my opinion. Personally, I think Alastor doesn't want to actually *hurt* Charlie, but he may hurt those around her, which will be a moment to start settling compromises if Charlie puts her foot down.

That haz bin my review so far! I'm honestly pretty grateful for Vivziepop for all of the work she's done so far, I know directing, animating and writing two shows over the course of 5 year or so ain't easy. I'm also grateful to the fandom who shares their thoughts and vision, which calms the terrible voices I started hearing in my head since I bought this weird old radio.

I'm in the middle of a break, but if you're interested in my fanfics I'll get back to writing very soon. Cheers! 🌈❤🦌

[msnanu]

Libertine 10 | JJK

Libertines put value on physical pleasures, meaning those experienced through the senses.

❧ Series Masterlist ❧

⏤summary ❧ He has a reputation for being the most promiscuous man on campus, and you, well, you are basically him in women’s pants. It will be the very first time that Jungkook is faced with someone who is gonna make him question his feelings and actions.

⏤𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 ❧ f*boy jungkook x f*girl female reader

⏤𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘦 ❧ fluff, smut, angst, slow burn, teasing and lots of sexual tension.

⏤𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 ❧ mature language, NSFW🔞

❧ banner by: @dojakoo ❧

A few minutes later after leaving you astonished at the entrance of your building, Jungkook went straight to Taehyung’s apartment. He didn’t know what else to do so he texted him on the way there with a single line.

“I need to talk to you.”

Jungkook being the idiot he is, instantly regretted the way he treated you. He went all the way to Taehyung's cursing himself and his jealousy. The normal process should be to apologize to people when you hurt them but no, oh no, Jungkook’s brain never seemed to work at the same pace that everyone’s else did.

Even if he wanted to apologize, he didn’t know where to start. So here he was, sitting on Taehyung’s couch. His friend was on the opposite side of the room, arms crossed while giving him a questionable look as he finished telling the story about what had happened just a few minutes ago with you.

“So, let me get this straight, you’re saying that you were hooking up with someone else.” Started Taehyung trying to find some logic in Jungkook’s previous actions.

“No.” The youngest cringed “We didn’t get to the hooking up part.”

Taehyung rolled his eyes and corrected himself. “Okay, okay. You were about to hook up with some random girl, sounds better?”

“I guess.”

“Okay, so Y/N, out of nowhere, called you to hang out sounding weird, at least according to you. Which by the way, let me point this out, she never did that before.” Said Taehyung as Jungkook just nodded his head in silence. “And while you were on the phone, this random girl literally moaned, and of course, unless Y/N is deaf, we can guess that she heard it. Did I get that right?”

Jungkook sighed in frustration. “Yes”

“So, you went to check up on her and when you got to her apartment, she was just talking with some dude you don’t even know, and you had a tantrum as if you were her boyfriend whilst your neck was looking like that?” Taehyung said pointing with his finger to Jungkook’s neck.

Furrowing his brows Jungkook looked at his friend with confusion all over his face. “Huh? My neck? What are you talking about, hyung?”

He was unbelievable.

“Dude, are you for real? Look at yourself in the mirror, please.”

Jungkook traveled a few steps from the couch to the wall mirror in the living room and took a quick look at his own reflection.

Oh, no.

His eyes widened at the image in front of him. His neck was full of purple marks. Very much clear marks. He was so blinded as soon as he got your phone call that didn’t even remember that the girl in his car had sucked his neck like a leech.

Even if by some kind of miracle, you were momentarily deaf and didn’t hear the moaning while you were on the phone with him, you clearly weren’t blind and saw his neck full of hickeys. And you could only assume what had transpired with that girl.

Jungkook groaned at the frustration while saying “Fuck me.”

“You’re an idiot, Jungkook” Taehyung sighed making a few seconds pause before continuing “From what I’m hearing, she probably was going through something when she reached out to you, and you acted like an entitled asshole. You don’t even have the right to be mad. If anything, you should be thankful because she didn’t even react to the moaning or the hickeys.”

“If she didn’t react maybe she just doesn’t care about me.” Responded Jungkook almost in a whisper, sounding even sad because you didn’t react to any of it.

Is he an idiot?

“Sure, that totally makes sense. She thought of you instead of any other person when she clearly had some kind of issue, but yeah, I’m sure she doesn’t care about you at all.” Said Taehyung with the most ironic tone possible.

His friend was right about that. Ugh, now Jungkook felt anxious to know what had happen that you felt the need to call him. You already had opened up to him about your dad and it felt like you were getting closer to him, and he just went straight to fuck up everything with his unhealthy way of dealing with his feelings.

“Fuck fuck fuck. What am I going to do?”

Taehyung was surprised to see the desperation in his friend. If it were Seulgi or any other girl who they’ll be talking about, Jungkook would probably be laughing right now thinking about how bold he was to show up to his hook up all marked by another random girl. Well, to be honest, Jungkook wouldn’t have cared if Seulgi called him, he would just kept hooking up with that random girl.

But no, this time around, they were talking about you. Taehyung could see real desperation in those big doe eyes.

And even he’s friends’ with Jungkook, you’d started to feel like a friend too, he liked having you around. By now, you had hung out a few times with him and Anyra and he could see that underneath the fuck girl persona that everyone knew over the campus there was an amazing cool girl.

Just like Jungkook, underneath all those layers of alleged indifference, there was someone valuable, someone that actually cared a lot about their inner circle.

Taehyung was in some way angry at his friend. He was being an asshole to you. Even if it wasn’t intentionally. If it were any other girl, he wouldn’t be surprised. After all it is Jungkook’s usual modus operandi with women.

The thing is, at least for Taehyung who knew him very well, Jungkook had already being too obvious about you. You were not like any other girl to him, even if he didn’t show it with his stupid actions. That’s why Taehyung started to feel angry towards the youngest.

His filter went out of the window when he responded to Jungkook. “I don’t know but if I were her, I wouldn’t talk to you again.”

Ouch.

Jungkook gasped. “Wow, you really are a great friend.”

“I know I am.” said Taehyung giggling.

Jungkook glared at him in silence. He couldn’t laugh at this. Not when you were probably already hating him.

Fuck, since when does he cares about someone hating him?

“You should know by now that being your friend means that I’ll be honest with you no matter what. I’m not gonna pamper you when you clearly fucked up. Plus, I like Y/N. She’s cool.”

Yeah, she definitely is, thought Jungkook.

As he plopped himself again on the couch with his hands over his head Jungkook said “Ugh. hyung, please. I don’t know how to fix this. What should I do?”

It was stupidly simple. It started with two words. 

Sighing and almost not believing how clueless Jungkook was when it came to human interactions Taehyung asked, “What do you want to do, Kook?”

“Because even for me that I’ve been your friend for years, you’re confusing as fuck.”

And that was a good question that left Jungkook thinking. What did he want?

There you were. Beautiful as always.

It was a few days later, almost a week had passed by since Jungkook last saw and talked to you.

Sitting in a bench at the end of the corridor, that feeling of superiority surrounding yourself as usual. Legs crossed, hands by your sides; a little smirk appeared on your lips once your sharp gaze fixed in Jungkook’s face.

You could see he was clearly surprised to see you there.

After days of silence and avoidance from both sides, he didn’t expect for you to be there. He couldn’t quite pin if you were mad, hurt or both and it was scary as hell. Whatever you were feeling, you were pretty good disguising it with your usual facade.

The only thing he could sense is that you went back to the old Y/N, the one that puzzled him every single time he interacted with you.

“Don’t fuck up” Taehyung’s voice in a whisper cut Jungkook’s train of thoughts as they both were approaching you.

“Hey Y/N” said Taehyung as he passed by waving his hand to you.

“Hi Tae Tae” You waved back giving him a little smile.

Tae Tae? Since when did you two got so close that you are calling him nicknames?

As Jungkook finally was in front of you, he talked almost in a whisper. “Hey”

“Hey” The cold tone with which you replied didn’t escape Jungkook’s ears neither the way you seemed to look at him with the same indifference you did when you first met. “May I have a few words with you?”

Okay. You probably are about to tell him to go fuck himself. Or maybe you want to patch things up, although he should be the one to say sorry first. Why does he have to be this coward? He should’ve been the first one to approach, not you.

Seeing that Jungkook was muted and spacing out, you decided to talk again.

“It’ll be just a few minutes, I’m not gonna take much of your time.”

He wanted to tell you that you could take all of his time whenever you wanted, but for some reason he just nodded and followed you from behind like a puppy while you started to walk towards a corridor that could give you two a little more privacy.

As he walked behind you, he could feel the trails of your scent that were being left behind. Oh, how much he’d missed it.

Suddenly, you stop your tracks and Jungkook mimics you. You turn around looking him straight to his eyes. He gulps at how beautiful you look. Always so ridiculously beautiful.

He wonders if you are even aware of how gorgeous you look. You probably do, how could you not?

“Okay, I'll go straight to the point” you said as you looked as if you were gathering your thoughts. “About what you said last time, I may be just a good fuck, but I know at least I’m not a hypocrite.”

Oh fuck. That's not what I think of you, I was just angry. That's what Jungkook had in his mind, but of course, he didn't dare to open his mouth. He just let you do the talking.

“Let me be clear with this.” You said as you took a step closer to him, making him even more nervous with your stern gaze. “You are free to do whatever the fuck you want with whoever you want to, as well as I am. I’m not gonna take any bullshit from you or anyone. I mean, you even had the audacity to act all jealousy while you were the one covered in hickeys, and right after I’d heard a girl moaning through the phone when I called you.”

God. So, you heard the moaning. And you did notice his neck covered in hickeys. That's phenomenal, Jungkook thought.

“Y/N, I’m s-” He was cut off by your hand in front of his face.

“No.”

“What?”

“Don’t even dare to say you’re sorry now. If it weren’t for me, we wouldn’t even be talking. You had plenty of time to be sorry, I think I gave you enough space for you to do that. You are a big boy; you should know by now when to say sorry.”

Those big sad puppy eyes he gave you almost made you give in for a moment.

But you had to do this. This went too far already. You know you’re a valuable person, that’s what you’ve been trying to be with him – at least these past weeks when you started to get closer - and you’re not going to lower to anyone who tries to convince you otherwise, even though you’re pretty sure that everything he said to you last time you talked, were being said in the heat of the moment.

You are certain that he’s not a bad guy, he’s just an idiot sometimes.

But as you said before, you gave him space. Almost a week. You gave him enough time to fix things between you two and he didn't do anything. Not a thing.

Little did you know, it wasn’t because he didn’t want to. But because he was trying to gather his balls once and for all and apologize properly, he didn’t want to fuck up this time. He planned to apologize this week no matter what, but of course, you were not a mind reader and for you, his silence during this whole week only showed indifference which it kind of hurt you even more.

“Look.” You sighed before continuing “I don’t particularly enjoy ending things in bad terms.”

Ending? Jungkook started panicking at your words.

“That’s why I wanted to talk to you first.” You said gesturing with your hands between you two “To give whatever this was, a nice proper closing since we’ll probably keep seeing each other’s faces from time to time.”

That’s when Jungkook felt all the air was being sucked from his lungs. Suddenly he seemed to gather some courage and started talking.

“Y/N, isn't this too much? Can't we talk about this at least?”

Don’t make this any harder, was all you could think of at that moment.

“Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. I just know that you were extremely rude with me, and you didn't even have the decency to apologize.”

“Please, just-” You cut him off again.

“No. You hurt me. You are clearly too used to girls running after you, but I’ve told you this before and I’ll say it again, I’m not gonna run after you.”

He knew that. You were too good for him after all.

“And honestly, if you think I'm just a good fuck, I don't think it will change much for you ending this thing between us.”

For a moment he thought he saw in your eyes hurt, he felt awful.

No, you’re not just a good fuck.

He wanted to say that. He wanted to say so many things. He wanted to hug you and say that he is sorry, that he wanted to reach out so many times during these past few days, but he was afraid, he didn't know how to approach.

He never had to do this before. He never cared enough. He didn't know how to deal with these kinds of situations or his feelings. He was a coward.

You in the other hand, just wanted to get over with this because if you kept looking at those big puppy eyes for one more second, you knew you'd gave in and end up kissing him.

It was always like this between you two. One minute you were getting along and the next you were barking up a storm. Maybe, it was like a little game to you both. You’d fight, then make up.

The game was fun – until it wasn’t anymore - and it seemed to be all you’ve known since you two first met.

Your stomach was twisting in ways that you hadn't felt before. You decided to ignore it and make one last effort to end this the best way you could.

“Well, I've said everything I wanted to say.” You said as you straighten up your posture and tried to sound as unaffected as possible. “It was a pleasure, Jeon. Quite literally.” You said as you lightly chuckled and then leaned in to give Jungkook one last peck on his left cheek.

Why did all of this feel so wrong?

You turned around not wanting to wait for his response and walked away, leaving a spaced out Jungkook standing all alone in that corridor while he kept his hand placed where you last kissed him.

“I'm an idiot.” He said almost in a whisper. But you weren’t there anymore to hear him saying it.

“You coming tonight?” You hear a male voice from behind you, startling you. A second ago, you were all alone in the library searching a book for one of your exams and out of the sudden someone’s by your side.

You quickly turn around to see a smiling Taehyung. 

“Gosh, Tae. You scared me.” You said with your hand placed on your chest trying to calm your nerves. “At least say hi first.”

Taehyung giggled. “Hi, Y/N. Are you coming tonight?”

“You’re so weird” You sighed. “Where?” 

“Duh, to Jin’s party of course.” He reminded to you. 

Fuck, you had completely forgotten about that. Jungkook had definitely invited you.

Of course, that was at some point when you were in good terms. Not that you are in bad terms now, at least you don’t think so after the last talk you two had but it might be still a little bit awkward to see him again this soon.

Although you do miss his stupid face. Ugh, it’s frustrating.

You were unaware that Jungkook had actually begged Taehyung earlier to remind you about the party tonight and also convince you to go.

“No way. I’m not meddling between you two, Kook.” Said Taehyung as he finished eating the pizza that Jungkook so generously bought him out of nowhere.

Now he understood why he bought it in the first place.

“Hyung, please. You’re not meddling. You just have to tell Y/N to come to the party.”

Taehyung groaned in frustration knowing very well that Jungkook wasn’t gonna back off unless he said yes. “Fine. But you better fix everything tonight because I’m not doing this again.”

 “That’s the idea.” Said Jungkook as he gave his friend a triumphant smile.

So, Taehyung’s mission here was clear. He couldn’t take a no for an answer, that’s why he wasn’t expecting your next response.

“Mm, I don’t think so. I don’t have an outfit. Plus, I should probably be studying.” You excused yourself knowing damn well you had the time to spare, since you already delivered your pending essays, while you kept seeking for the book you needed.

Taehyung made a sound of complaint, before slightly hitting your head with the first book he saw. “Hey! Tae, what the fuck?!”

“Studying is for losers. Midterms aren’t even until next week! Plus, everyone’s going tonight.” He took a pause before he whispered, “Even your boyfriend, Jungkookie.”

He winked before you grabbed the book whacking him back. “You know damn well he is not my boyfriend, and you still sleep with a fucking night light. Talk to me nicely.”

“How the hell do you know that? Did Anyra tell you? It was only one time!” He defended himself. “We had just finished watching a scary movie. What else did you expect from me, lady?” 

Anyra did tell you about it and you knew that the truth was far from that. You giggled. “Sure, whatever you say, Taehyungie.” 

He rolled his eyes. “Are you sure you don’t want to come?” He continued to pressure you regardless. “Who else will accompany me to down five shots in the span of a minute?”

“No one?! That’s insane, Taehyung.”

“We’ve done it before, at my party! Now you’re just shaming me.” He mumbled in disappointment. “Whatever, stay here then. I’ll be downing my tenth shot by the time you realize the mistake you committed by staying behind.” 

You shook your head smiling to yourself. You’d learned pretty quickly that Taehyung could be so stubborn at times.

In all honesty, sometimes you needed spontaneous night outs, and he was the perfect person to do almost anything chaotic and stupid with, but tonight was not the night.

Midterms were coming in soon, you needed to stay focused - or maybe you simply didn't want to bump into Jungkook and possibly see him in the arms of someone else for the night - but Taehyung didn’t need to know all that. 

“Sure Tae, have fun. Let me know how it goes.” 

He hummed. “See you loser.”

“Byeeee!” You shouted, watching him storm out the room and maybe you would. No, you will for sure - regret staying home, but only time would tell.

And you in fact did regret staying home. 

So much so, that you had put on the first top and skirt you saw within your closet that fits you best and nearly sprinted to the party. You weren’t there to impress anyone, but you did need to at least look presentable - enough to possibly be fucked mid-party.

Well, no, maybe you were there to impress a certain someone, but any extra attractions were a plus.

You were there for a good time; you could use some distraction from college or the image of Jungkook’s sad doe eyes last time you saw him.

It was so hard for you to cope with your feelings. You ended things with Jungkook because you thought it was the best for you, but you've been hesitating non-stop about it. You hate how much it affects you, it's not the first time you end things with someone, but it is the first time that you feel some kind of regret.

But you shouldn't, no... you shouldn't.

“Y/N! You made it!” Jin tugged you in for a hug, a wide smile plastered on his face. “The boys will be so happy to see you!”

You smiled into his hug. “I’m happy to be here, Jinnie! I’ll go find them. You enjoy your party!” 

He nodded, letting you go, waving a final goodbye as he disappeared into the crowd. The party was much bigger than you anticipated. Everyone was grinding on each other clearly already so fucked out of their own minds.

A lot of regrets were going to happen tonight definitely, you just hoped you weren’t a part of them. 

“Y/NNNNN!” Taehyung sang into your ear, as he pulled you in for a bear hug. “You came!!!”

You giggled, hugging him back tightly. “I did. You…look already very happy!” In other words, Taehyung was completely wasted, explaining his huge smile. “Bet you won’t be happy in the morning though; I promise you that—” 

He cut you off with a hand in front of your face. “Don’t ruin my good time. I knew you would make it. How could you miss this after all?” Taehyung put on an ‘I told you so’ face and he was right.

“Yeah, I know I couldn’t stay away, unfortunately.” You sighed, crossing your arms. “Where are the other boys anyways?”

Taehyung squinted his eyes, clearly up to no good in that round head of his. “You mean… Jungkookieee?” 

“No.” Definitely lying, but you couldn’t let him know that. “I mean the other- other boys. Like Yoongi.” 

Jungkook was so bummed when his friend told him that he couldn’t convince you to go to the party, he’d expected for you to go and talk things through in a more chill environment like this one.

Taehyung could see you were lying from a mile away, you clearly wanted to see Jungkook too. So stubborn, you two were really for each other, he thought.

He smirked. “Sure! Jungkook is around the corner, I saw him head over there earlier. Now if you excuse me, I have business to attend. Anyra is across the pool, and she has been eyeing me since she got here. I think she wants a piece of this handsome face again.” 

Your face turned to disgust. “Yup. Let’s never say things like that ever again. Now bye.”

You didn’t admit it but, you were totally looking for Jungkook. There was no need to say it aloud, Taehyung knew that very well. 

The entire time you had been - attempting and failed to – studying that day, Jungkook was all you could think of.

That and his usual stupid flirty behavior towards you. You missed it.

Were you too harsh when you last talked to him? Was it a mistake to end everything?

But then again, this game you guys were playing was getting old, it was just a matter of time before you both crashed and burned.

Jungkook was exactly where Taehyung had pointed, he was, except he was with a girl. The same girl you had seen him around so many times before you started this whole thing between you two. Seulgi.

Jungkook was fresh off being ‘dumped’ by you, if that’s what you call it when you end a relationship that you’re trying to pretend is just a casual friend with benefits thing.

Whatever you call it; it had happened less than 72 hours ago and from the looks of it; Jungkook and Seulgi were already rekindling things.

That stupid scene hurt you in more ways than one.

You couldn’t help, but to feel jealous. You didn’t want to care, you ended things with him, he could do whatever he wanted to, you were clear with that, but you couldn’t take your eyes of those two.

That obnoxious girl was sitting so close to him talking about who knows what. In all honesty you could see he didn’t seem so interested, avoiding all eye contact with her, but still he paid enough attention. 

“Y/N!” Your attention turned to the person who called your name. You smiled as you saw that it was none other than Mingyu. “You’re here too!”

“Mingyu hi! Yeah, guess I am!” He surprised you as he wrapped his arms around your waist lifting you up into a warm hug.

Every time you saw this guy, he had always treated you so well, he was exactly like his scent, so sweet and pretty. 

“You know Jin too?” You asked him curiously. Mingyu nodded, placing you back down carefully. 

“Well, yes and no. He is friends with my best friend over there.” He said pointing to a guy in a corner who was gulping down what it seemed to be a tequila shot.

“Oh, wow, it’s definitely a small world. So, are you having fun so far?”

“Always.” He said as he smiled. “What do you say? Wanna dance?” He held out a hand, kind eyes. 

You looked past his shoulder, Jungkook had noticed you the minute Mingyu decided to yell your name across the room, he didn’t look happy, not in the slightest.

He was surprised and insanely happy to see you there but then the surprise and happiness turned into anger and jealousy when he saw who you were with.

This was your chance. Your chance to be petty of course.

“I’d love to!” You said without hesitation. 

There was never a time where you didn’t have a good time with Mingyu, especially when dancing. That reminded you to the night you ended up sleeping together, you remembered that before ending the night in your apartment you had danced with him for a long ass time.

He was never too handsy, never missed a single beat, always led well. But he was also a natural flirt, and you weren’t one to reject a playful endeavor.

“What a dream.” Mingyu whispered against your ear, hands still laid carefully against your back. “Dancing is always so much fun with you.”

You smiled, swaying your hips to the beat as you flirtatiously said, “This kinda feels like a déjà vu to me.” 

He smiled in return, keeping up with your pace. “Your friend from the other day is staring.”

You frowned. “What do you mean?” 

Mingyu flipped you around, your back was now against his front. “Look.”

Oh. That friend.

Jungkook was staring and he was staring hard. He did not look one bit happy, nothing about his expression screamed content. He noticed your attention on him, but he didn’t dare drop eye contact.

Instead, he decided to be even more petty than you and brought Seulgi against him, whispering something unknown against her ear. She smiled, tilting her head, her arms traveled up his chest leaning into him, but his eyes stayed on you. 

He knew you were trying to get back at him. And God knows he knew damn well how to be petty. You are not the one to talk either.

You wanna play, Jeon Jungkook? The game begins now.  

You dropped eye contact first, forcing yourself to focus only on Mingyu even though all your mind was replaying nonstop was Jungkook’s face. You could feel your ass pressed harder against Mingyu as the beat sped up. Your arms traveled up finding the back of his head, he tilted slightly brushing his soft lips against your neck. “I think you’re going to get me in trouble, sweetie.”

The situation was different now. You didn't think Jungkook even cared. It must had been something with his ego that was making him angry to see you with another guy that wasn’t him. There was no way he cared about you.

If only you knew what was going on in Jungkook’s mind at that exact moment.

You, like Jungkook, were popular – even though you preferred having a low profile -, everyone who knew you liked you, and, in more than one occasion, he had clearly heard that, apparently, everyone wanted to fuck you. Even females.

He absolutely agreed; after all, you were funny, smart, full of fire and absolutely gorgeous to the point one can’t look away when you’re in the same room as he was doing at that moment.

He was very much aware of the fact that the short little piece of chaos that he was staring at was not his girlfriend and, therefore, you could do whatever you want with whoever you want, and that was what had been eating him alive for the last few days since you ended things with him.

“Who fucking cares?” You whimpered, feeling Mingyu drop a kiss right below your ear. He opened his mouth barely and his teeth came in contact next. He licked before he sucked gently. You knew he was leaving a mark, but you didn’t even care at that moment. 

Your hooded eyes locked with Jungkook’s, but it didn’t last long. Mingyu pulled away from your neck too suddenly. “From the looks of it, your friend cares.”

He came closer with his head tilted, whispering in your ear. “I don’t mind giving you a hand if you wanna make him jealous.”

You chuckled at the mischievousness that Mingyu’s words implied. “What a gentleman. But that sounds too petty for me.”

Liar. You were already trying to make him jealous.

He smiled and leaned down slightly, the angle making him look big, intimidating. “Well, you can think of it as taking out your frustrations on me. You seem to be too stressed lately and I wouldn’t mind. Not at all.”

Hot. This guy is so fucking hot. You would be riding him by now if it weren’t for Jungkook’s hard gaze on you. He was screwing with your head. Maybe Mingyu was a good distraction for you. If you were here with Joy and Jihyo you know they would totally encourage you to enjoy yourself with him.

After all, you and Jungkook are no longer a thing. Well, you never were, did you?

You scoffed, and smiled wide, flashing straight teeth as you said, “I might take your offer.” Then you shrugged. “We’ll see how the night goes.”

It was fine. Truly.

You weren’t together. You weren’t anything more than friends? Who occasionally happened to find their way into each other’s bed. Only when you were stressed, or it’s been a tough week. Sometimes you’d use it as a chance to let off steam before a big exam, or just when you were lonely, when your friends were out and about in your college town but neither of you had a desire to join them.

It was the perfect arrangement really. Well, not arrangement because you never really stated anything about this, but it was always implicit for you. ‘Friends’ that helped each other out, scratching an itch. Simple, no strings attached. A buddy you could get your jollies off with and then go grab a burger together without it being a big deal.

That’s what you had with one another. 

So, there was absolutely no reason for you to feel a gnawing heat in your belly, eating away at the lining of your stomach, causing your insides to churn as Jungkook casually brushed a lock of long, dark curls over Seulgi’s shoulder, fingers skimming down the bare skin of the woman’s bicep as he grinned at her in that way that made his dimples crease in his cheeks.

Your smile, dammit.

Except it wasn’t. You didn’t own that. He is perfectly free to give it to whomever he wished. The thought didn’t comfort you whatsoever. Not while you were still dancing with Mingyu and watching Jungkook flirt with another girl.

Suddenly, it was too much. The people, the noise, those dark brown eyes that winked at you from across the room when Jungkook caught your eyes on him. It was all wrong.

“Did you mean what you said before?” You asked, fixing Mingyu with a look he couldn’t quite discern.

You should kick yourself for letting your emotions get the best of you. This didn’t happen before Jungkook came into your life. If you ever saw a guy that you slept with, being with another girl you would brush it off and move on to the next guy in line. You wouldn’t give two fucks.

“Which part?” Mingyu returned while studying your pretty face with interest.

“About taking out my frustrations on you?” You replied vaguely in return.

“You want to yell or hit me after we had such a great time dancing?” He asked, feigning offense, but smirking anyway.

You chuckled as you rolled your eyes, shaking your head. “Not quite.” Your eyes flicking to his. “I had something else in mind.” You added shameless, taking a tentative step towards him and hoping the look on your face and vagueness of your words have been suggestive enough for him to get the point. 

There was something akin to desire in his eyes when you took another step, one that closed most of the space between you. He made his own move forward, eliminating the rest and conveying his consent, which was all the motivation you needed to rise up on your tiptoes, grab a fistful of his shirt, and press your lips to his.

It was vastly different from kissing Jungkook, which had still made you feel worried and self-conscious that you might mess things up each time. With Mingyu there was really nothing to lose so you kissed him with a reckless abandon of inhibitions you could never be capable of with Jungkook.

When it came to Jeon Jungkook, there were too many feelings involved, good and bad, too much intimacy.

With Mingyu it was a blank slate, for the most part, which is much easier to work with as far as escaping reality went than hooking up with a man that you’d shared too much of your personal life in a short period of time, things that you didn’t usually share with anyone. 

Mingyu was a decidedly good kisser, which was no surprise. But there was an almost smugness you felt radiating off of him when you left out a soft moan of pleasure against his lips as his fingers squeezed your hips roughly whilst his other hand stroked up and down your back, warm and heavy. He knew he was talented, of course, and he was not even remotely shy about making that known.

“We shouldn’t do this here, gorgeous” He stated, breathless in his own right after a few all-consuming moments of letting his lips devour yours wantonly.

You left out a frustrated huff, both at the statement and the break in the passionate series of kisses you’d been sharing that had been doing a world of good relieving the frustrations and stress that had been so overwhelming for you in the moments before.

You know that it’s true, what he’d said. Thankfully, you weren’t lost in your thoughts long as he started talking again. “We could go upstairs, if you want.” He said, not a hint of shyness in his words.

“Sure, let's do that.” You said in immediate agreement, disentangling yourself from him and heading upstairs.

As soon as Jungkook saw you and Mingyu kissing and then going upstairs, he got up from his seat consumed in rage and said, “Fuck this, I’m getting the fuck out of here.”

Before Seulgi had a chance to say anything, Jungkook was darting his way out of the room, beelining down the hall and weaving through people until he reached the backdoor.

It was just as lively out there, people set up playing beer pong and a few smoking beside the hedges, laughing together, but at least there wasn’t the suffocating, overheated atmosphere of too many bodies crammed into one room. And the music was blessedly muted out there.

Maybe he could breathe for a few minutes, get himself back under control. Maybe he should just go home, he thought absently. And with that he just got onto his car and went straight home, trying not to think anymore of you and Mingyu, and failing miserably every time.

Going to that party had been a mistake.

Seulgi on the other hand, wasn’t even surprised. She had seen how hard he was staring at you before you went upstairs, one of his veins at his neck was about to pop anytime soon. She also knew Jungkook was just using her to make you jealous, but as long as she got some action she didn’t care. And now she was left high and dry.

She would have to look for another guy to screw with, what a waste of time.

“You want something to drink first?” Asked Mingyu, watching lingeringly as you walked up the stairs.

“No, I’d rather just…” You bit your lip and shrugged, your eyes casting to his, not bothering to feel embarrassed by the implied forwardness of your half-statement.

Now that you weren’t being disoriented by strobe lights, on the corner of a dark room, he really took in just how hot you looked with the clothing you were wearing. Just the sight of you like that was such a turn on, your curves were more than just a little enticing.

He couldn’t wait to have you again. He didn’t even care if you were hung up on the guy that was staring at you downstairs because Mingyu could clearly see that you were affected by Jungkook. But tonight, you were his again and he wanted to be inside you no matter what.

He swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing at your words. It didn’t take any further convincing for him to comply, tucking his hand into yours and leading you towards the first bedroom in sight.

The room you got in had a design theme of all dark colors and sharp angles. There was a king size bed adorned in all black and you found it made neatly.

“So, what exactly do you have in mi-” Mingyu couldn’t finish his question, because your lips were pressed to his again with the same passion as before, as if unpausing a movie you’d put on hold for the ride upstairs.

His hands started at your face, cupping your cheeks as he kissed you back until moving them to grasp the backs of your thighs and urged your legs to leave the ground in favor of wrapping around his waist.

He started pressing you gently into the mattress as his body came down heavily over yours. His lips start their southern descent, trailing down between your breasts and over your bare stomach as your body writhed under his with the pleasure elicited from such actions. 

“Mingyu, you don’t have to– oh ,” Your sentence faded off into a moan as he dipped his face between your legs, his tongue swiping over already apparent arousal as his nose bumped up against your most sensitive area. All this, and he hadn’t so much as removed your panties yet.

“Stop talking now, Y/N” He muttered against your thigh before resuming his action, using his tongue to work you up appropriately.

Fuck. He sounded hot.

If this were Jungkook, you’d be almost embarrassed at how fast he’s able to make you cum. At the graceless moans that had fallen from your lips as your hips had bucked up wildly from under the strength of his restraint. But this was Mingyu, and you weren’t thinking about much of anything besides your immediate pleasure. Well, that… and Jungkook.

You quickly brushed him off and concentrated on reaching your orgasm as you felt Mingyu’s tongue rapidly licking and sucking your clit. A minute and few moans later and you were releasing your juices, pleasure running all over your body.

You were not sure you loved the satisfied smile Mingyu was wearing, clearly proud at how fast he had made you come undone. “We can stop there, if you want, gorgeous.” He said sweetly.

This time, Jungkook was the furthest thing from your mind, lust clouting all of your inner thoughts. “Just fuck me already, Mingyu.” You said with uncharacteristic grit, your chest rising and falling rapidly as you looked at him with your pupils fully blown.

He actually groaned because hearing you say that sentence with his name tacked onto the end just did something to him that he wasn’t quite expecting. 

He slipped back up your body, his lips pressing to yours with the taste of you still on them. His hand moved to where his mouth had just been and you arched your back, rising up into his touch desirously. “How do you want it?” He asked, his mouth on your neck now, his tongue swirled against your skin as he sucked lightly but not enough to leave a mark. 

“I don’t care.” You said, breathless as you squeezed your eyes shut, squirming underneath his ministrations, craving more from him in an unabashed way.

“Well, I do.” He said pointedly, his thumb brushing over your cheekbone with greater affection than you expected. “Now tell me again, Y/N” He dragged his lips down from your neck to the valley between your breasts, nuzzling his nose against your flesh. His hands slipped up your back and under the small fabric of your top. “How do you want it?” He repeated the question, his breath ghosting over your skin.

You had a default answer, you thought. Typically, you liked it on top, because you enjoyed having control. But at that moment, you felt like being powerless to someone else and somehow you also felt safe letting that person be Mingyu.

You slid your hand down his torso until you could feel his hardness strained against the confines of his zipped-up jeans. You bit your lip at the way it spanned most of your palm, you remembered how big he was. Not as big as Jungkook, but big enough to make you cum.

“Hard,” You admitted without shyness, the double intender not lost on you. “...and rough.” You added, rolling over and rising up onto your knees, pulling your top off and letting it fall to the floor.

“Fuck. Is that really what you like or just what you think you deserve?” He asked a question that felt more loaded and accusatory than maybe he meant for it to. But he trailed his hand from your shoulder down your spine to settle on your hip anyway, his lips following the same path briefly, as he ridded you of the rest of your clothes and his quickly followed suit.

Suddenly, you felt the sound of something near you vibrating. What was that? A phone?

“Hey,” You said through gritted teeth, your annoyance increasing slightly at the sound of it while he was flicking a condom wrapper to the floor, pressing himself against you wantonly. “I-I think your phone is vibrating.” You whined.

“It probably can wait,” He said, laughing gently at your eagerness, but not at your expense. His fingers slipped teasingly to where his tongue had already tipped you over the precipice of pleasure with minimal effort. They were thick and wide, and two of them working together almost felt like he was giving you what you wanted if you closed your eyes.

That was until he really gave you what you wanted, and you realized just how incomparable the real thing is to those skillful fingers of his. You gasped at the fullness. It took a few long moments before the pressure faded into pleasure instead and you felt his hand slip over your breast and up towards your throat. 

Now this is the type of escape you really needed. It was mindless, the way you’d lost yourself to the pleasure his rocking, vigorously paced hips provided you while his thumb traced patternless circles between your legs. Your mind finally achieved an escape from all of the hurtful things that these past few days usually plagued your thoughts.

When your second orgasm of the night hit you and Mingyu finally released his seeds on the condom, you were left with nothing there, not even the anxiety to feel self-conscious about the way he made you moan loudly or beg him for more.

A few minutes later, you were both putting your clothes on again with silly smiles on your faces.

As soon as he finished putting his jeans again, with his chest on display for you to admire, he took a step towards you and cupped your face giving you a long kiss that almost made you undress him again. If it weren’t for his phone that was vibrating on his pocket, you probably would have.

He stopped the kiss and groaned. “Sorry, I should probably take that now.”

You giggled at his annoyed looks. “Yeah, go ahead.”

Based on the conversation he had with whoever called him, you realized it was probably one of his friends and Mingyu didn’t seem to be so happy when he finished talking over the phone.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry I have to leave, apparently my idiot best friend is completely wasted, and we came with my car, so I have to drive him home.”

“No worries. Thanks for helping to relieve my stress.” You said with a teasing smile.

Mingyu chuckled as he put his shirt on. “My pleasure. You know we can repeat it whenever you want to.”

You nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind”

He kissed you one last time and said “See you, Y/N.”

“See you, Mingyu.”

He waved you from the door and closed it as he left to let you finish cleaning up yourself. You were finishing putting your boots while sitting on the bed when the sound of the door opening made you giggle.

“Did you forget something, Min-“ You cut your own words and your smile dropped as soon as you turned around and saw someone that was not Mingyu standing there.  

It was a guy you recognized seeing around campus, you had bumped into him a few times when you were going to classes or at the library. You usually don’t remember people’s faces that easily but there was something on his gaze that always unsettled you, he was creepy to say the least. He never talked to you but every time you saw him, he was either looking at you or near your classrooms which you thought it was because he had classes over there too but no.

The guy entered the room, closing the door behind him alarming you instantly.

 You got up from the bed immediately with arms crossed, trying to look as unaffected as possible. “Ah. Excuse me. Who are you?”

The creep smirked and chuckled making you feel goosebumps on your skin, not the good ones.

You were fucked.

Hoseok was trying to decide if he wanted to open a third beer or just head to bed for the night when his phone rang. Groaning to himself, he fumbled in his pocket for the device.

Without even looking at the ID, he answered the phone. “Yes?”

“H-hobi?”

His bright usual persona raised immediately as he recognized the voice on the other end of the line. “Oh, hey darling, what’s up?”

“Hobi, I know it’s late but I-I…”

Something was off. Your voice was shaky with a definite huskiness that wasn’t usually present, and he could hear the tears threatening to fall with every word. “Y/N, what’s wrong?”

“I was at this p-party I went and…This guy, he-he cornered me-” Hobi’s blood ran cold “-and, uh, can you ju-just please come get me?”

“Are you hurt? What did he do to you?”

A massive sob was your only response.

Trying to keep his voice calm and level, he asked, “Where are you?”

“I ran off. I’m in the a-alley across from the li-library” you said between hiccupy cries.

“I’ll be right there.” Hobi paused, his voice softening slightly. “And hey, it’s gonna be okay, do you hear me? I want you to stay on the phone with me until I can get there. You don’t have to say anything, but I want to make sure I’m here if you need me. Can you do that?”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t worry, Y/N. I’ll be there as soon as possible.”

Hoseok tore through another red light as he sped across town trying to get to you. Since he had left his apartment, you hadn’t said a word over the phone but every once and a while he could hear a soft sniffle or stifled sob from your end and the sounds felt like a dagger to his heart.

Jung Hoseok. The two of you had become fast friends ever since the night he had met you at the bar where you used to hang out with Joy and Jihyo.

Jihyo would constantly talk about his classmate who also became her close friend and she had described him as someone who was always friendly and easygoing and that was certainly accurate as he had easily managed to break down the walls you normally built up around new people.

And soon, your chats at the bar grew into coffees before classes at the campus, which soon became watching movies on his or your couch while eating take-out on your days off.

He felt like a brother to you.

You didn’t have many friends outside of Joy and Jihyo. Or at least not the kind you could hang out with outside the prison walls of college. So, it was nice to have someone like him in your life.

As Hoseok pulled into the empty library parking lot and hurried across the street, he saw you almost immediately. Leaning up against the wall, you had your legs pulled tightly against your chest and your face buried in your knees. As you heard him approach, you sunk even deeper into yourself as if you were trying to disappear completely.

Slowing to a stop, Hoseok crouched down a few feet away from you. Calling out softly, he said, “Y/N, it’s just me. You have nothing to be afraid of anymore.”

You relaxed slightly, the tension easing out of your shoulders, but you still hid your face. “It’s okay, darling. No one will hurt you again, not while I’m around. I swear, but please can you let me see what happened? I need to see how bad it is.”

It took almost a full minute, but you cautiously peered up at him with a haunted look that sucked the air from Hoseok’s lungs.

Your lipstick was smeared across your split, bloody lip and down the side of your chin. Black trails of mascara dripped down your cheeks from the tears you had been crying, he also noticed your cheek near the bloody lip was red and a little bit swollen. Both your top and your skirt had been torn apart and one of your earrings appeared to have been ripped out. He could see a dozen different emotions cycling through your face: fear, relief, sadness, helplessness, gratitude, shame, pain.

“Oh, love,” he muttered under his breath as he straightened up and slowly began to approach you.

Without a word, he slid down the wall until he was seated beside you and the two of you just stared into the darkness of the night. Finally, after about five minutes of just sitting in silence, Hoseok whispered, “Are you alright?”

Still not looking him in the eye, you murmured, “Can you just take me home?” Your voice was hoarse and cracking, probably damaged from screaming for help.

“Of course, whatever you need.” Hoseok stood then offered you his hand.

You pulled back slightly, eyeing his hand as if it were a snake about to strike. The sight of you scared to even touch him, made Hoseok’s heart sink even further.

It wasn’t right. Not coming from the girl who would jump on his back in public and make him give her a piggyback ride. Who would idly run her fingers through his hair while his head rested in her lap during a movie. Yet now, just the thought of taking his hand seemed to terrify you.

Without moving his hand any closer or farther away, Hoseok said, “It’s okay, love. If you don’t want to take it, you don’t have to. I’m here to help any way I can. Just tell me what you need me to do.”

Hesitating for a moment longer, you finally cautiously placed your left hand in his outstretched right one. He gently wrapped his fingers around yours and slowly rubbed his calloused thumb over the back of your hand as he pulled you to your feet with a reassuring smile.

You stared down at your hands for a minute but then your bottom lip began to tremble. Without warning, you dove into Hoseok’s chest, wrapping your arms around his frame as you began to sob. He slowly returned the embrace, ready to back off at the slightest sign that you were uncomfortable. But you just buried yourself deeper into him.

He began rubbing your back, whispering softly that it was going to be okay. He rested his chin on the top of your head, feeling your sobs vibrating in his jaw. He had never seen you cry before this. Not even to shed a tear at a sad movie or when you dislocated your shoulder in the gym. And now seeing you fall apart in his arms was almost too much for Hoseok to bear.

When your tears finally subsided, he tried to lead you to his car. But when you tried taking a step, you hissed loudly and fell into him. Glancing at your foot, he saw your ankle was swollen to almost twice its normal size. So, he simply scooped you up in his arms and carried you across the street.

As he sat you down in the passenger seat of his car, you once again pulled your knees into your chest and curled up into a tight ball. Hoseok had a blanket in the back seat that he brushed off and draped over you. Then he got into the driver’s seat and took off for your apartment.

Neither one of you spoke the entire ride. Occasionally, he would glance over at you out of the corner of his eye, but you remained motionless, just staring out the window. And even when he stopped the car in your building parking lot and lifted you out of your seat, you still just stared blankly ahead.

He was able to get you to dig your keys out of your pocket, but it was still an almost robotic movement as your eyes remained lifeless and glazed.

Once inside your apartment, Hobi wasn’t quite sure what to do.

Should he place you in your bed so you could get some sleep? Help you take a shower and rinse off your blood? Should he sit you at the table and try to get you to eat something?

Finally, he decided to place you down on the couch so he could patch up your injuries first. He had grabbed the first aid kit from your bathroom. Having lived in your apartment for a few weeks last summer, he knew his way around and where you used to place those kinds of things. He began to lay out the bandages and disinfectants on your coffee table. Then he went to your freezer and grabbed two bags of frozen vegetables.

When he returned to the couch, he handed one to you. “Here. Place that over your cheek. It’ll help with the swelling.” He then used some of the gauze to wrap the other bag of vegetables around your ankle.

As you placed the frozen bag on your face, the cold seemed to rouse you from your state of shock. You seemed slightly more alert than you had been in the car. So, while he opened a disinfectant wipe to clean off your face, Hoseok muttered, “Do you wanna talk about it?”

You winced as the wipe dabs at your busted lip, but you whispered, “It was just some drunk asshole I remember seeing at the campus. He never talked to me, but I kept seeing him leering at me. He never actually tried to approach me until now, so I didn’t think much about it.”

He nodded and sighed deeply. “Where are the girls? I’ve told you again and again, it is too dangerous to be going to a college party alone,” Hoseok said, finishing cleaning your lip.

“I know, I just needed to get some stress away, and Joy and Jihyo were busy today. I knew some friends would be there, so I just decided to go.”

Jungkook. You went there because you wanted to see Jungkook, although you were never going to admit it out loud.

You also weren’t going to admit that the first person you looked for help right after the attempt of assault was him, but you weren’t able to find him anywhere at the party and you just wanted to get the fuck out of that house.

You’d already turned lots of people’s attention on your looks, which you hated to even think about. People were probably already gossiping. You remember Anyra and Taehyung’s horror faces as soon as they saw you, you didn’t even give them time to ask what had happened to you as you quickly ran off.

You probably should message Anyra later to explain yourself. You don’t even understand how you ended up in this fucked up situation.

“You could have called me. I would’ve gone with you.” Hoseok cut your thoughts as he started wiping some of your ruined makeup off your cheeks.

“I didn’t want to bother you; I remembered you told me that you wanted to stay in this weekend.” The words were spoken so softly, Hoseok almost didn’t hear them.

“Darling, you’re never a bother. You know that. I just want you to be safe. I need you to be safe.” He reached for your right hand, but you flinched and grunted in pain as he touched it.

Examining it closer, he saw, like your ankle, it was swollen not as much but it was probably sprained. With a sigh, he pulled out more gauze and began to wrap your wrist.

As you shifted to allow him a better angle, your torn shirt slid open. You quickly readjusted it, but a terrible thought occurred to Hoseok.

He cleared his throat and looked around the room nervously. “Listen, I don’t really know how to ask this, but it’s important. Did he...I-I, mean, I saw your clothes were torn….so did he... do anything to you, you know…in that way.”

You ducked your head in embarrassment but shook it slightly. “No. He tried but….” You just shook your head again.

Hoseok let out a small sigh of relief. It was bad enough what that asshole did, but if he had been able to go through with his intent... No, his blood boiled just thinking about it.

You nudged him slightly in the side and his attention snapped back to you. He realized he had been clenching his fists so hard, one or two of his nails had actually broken his skin, leaving small crescent moon shaped cuts on his palms. Clearing his throat, he turned his focus back to your arm.

As he finished wrapping your wrist, he nodded at your fingers. “Does whatever happened to your wrist have to do with why your knuckles are all bruised up?”

“Yeah, I did what Jiji taught me. I punched the guy in the throat.”

Jihyo had attended a self-defense training a few years ago and she constantly asked to practice with you and Joy whatever she had learnt. She always said, “You never know when a girl would need to use her fists to protect herself”. And how right she was.

Hoseok chuckled proudly. “Really? Good girl.”

“Yeah, but that’s when he hit me in the face, the fucker reacted faster than I thought.” The smile dropped from Hoseok’s face as he watched you move the bag of vegetables and tenderly touch the bruising around your left cheek. “We started struggling and that’s when he tore my clothes and twisted my hand, he tried to-…touch me and I-I grabbed the first thing I saw near me, I think it was a lamp and I hit him as hardest as I could with that thing in the face and that’s when I ran off.”

“I’m so sorry, love. I really wish you wouldn’t have to go through this at all.”

“Not your fault. I would have been a lot worse off if Jiji hadn’t taught me what she did. I’ll have to thank her later for that.” You glanced down at your lap. “And thanks for everything tonight, Hobi. I-I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t come to get me.” Your voice was growing thick with tears once again.

“Anytime. I’m always here for you.” Hoseok squeezed the fingers of your uninjured hand tightly before saying, “Well, all good to go. Just give it a few days, and you should be good as new.”

Hoseok silently cursed himself for his choice of words. While physically you might be better in just a few days’ time, he knew that the emotional and mental scars created tonight might never really go away. “Um, uh, is there anything else I can do for you right now? Anything I can get you?”

“Can you just……just hold me for a while?” you whispered softly as your voice broke a little.

“Of course, love. Whatever you need.”

Next day morning, Jungkook was on his way to the field, to meet his friends as usual. Jin, Taehyung and Yoongi would probably be already there. Jimin hasn’t shown up since he got into the fight with Jungkook. They haven’t talked since then.

Which made Jungkook think how everything got so messed up during the last few months. Not only he ended up punching one of his oldest and best friends – although Jimin totally deserved it – but he also managed to fuck things up with you.

Last night he almost couldn’t even sleep, thoughts of you and that guy in the party flooded his mind. He knows you’ve probably slept with him. And maybe you were probably still in his arms.

He hated to think that you were with someone else, he tried not to think of it but failed miserably every single time. He knew he couldn’t demand anything from you, not when you ended things with him. And to begin with, you weren’t even exclusive when you were ’together’.

He should’ve apologized earlier.

He knew he was being unreasonable when he treated you like shit the other day. If it weren’t because you called him and interrupted his shenanigans with that girl in his car the other day, he probably would have slept with her too. He couldn’t blame you for sleeping with someone else.

Maybe he even pushed you to sleep with that guy. He never acted as petty as last night. He wasn’t even listening what Seulgi was saying to him at the party, she was probably trying to get laid – as usual – but he wasn’t in the mood, not when his mind was elsewhere. On you.

But when he saw you with Mingyu, he couldn’t help it. He got so angry. He was the one that should have danced with you at that party, not that guy. You made him feel all sort of things that he never felt before. This was beyond frustrating.

As he walked through the field, he could see from a far his friends were engaged in a conversation. Anyra was there too.

“Yeah, I talked with Y/N about what happened last night, she texted me back a few minutes ago.” Jungkook heard Anyra talking.

Oh, no. The last thing he needs is everyone talking in front of him about who you screwed with last night.

“Please. I don’t want to hear who Y/N slept with.” Said Jungkook with a sour expression on his face.

Anyra and the other guys turned their heads to Jungkook with furrowed eyebrows.

“Did someone drop you on the head when you were a baby?” said Yoongi with his arms crossed over his chest and his usual cold tone.

Taehyung intervened seeing Jungkook’s confused face, he realized he might not know what happened since he left the party earlier. “Wait. Do you not know what happened to Y/N yesterday?”

Jungkook felt like his blood ran cold all of the sudden. “What the fuck are you talking about? Did something bad happen to her?”

His friends looked at each other. A few seconds of silence followed.

“Guys, can someone tell me what the fuck is happening?” Jungkook insisted.

“Calm down, Kook” Jin sighed as he explained “A guy at my party tried to assault her, she fought with him and managed to escape.”

“Poor Y/N, she looked li-“ Taehyung stopped talking as he saw Jungkook leaving “Hey! I’m talking! Where the fuck are you going Jungkook?”

“I forgot I had an essay to write. See you later guys.”

All his friends started laughing. They obviously knew he was lying.

“He hasn’t written an essay in his entire life.” Yoongi pointed out as he chuckled.

“I bet the essay’s name is Y/N.” added Anyra teasingly.

Taehyung watched his friend running towards his car. “He’s so whipped, he just doesn’t want to see it.”

Hoseok had stayed the night with you to make you company, he knew you were still pretty shaken up about last night’s events. Joy and Jihyo also came to your place last night as soon as Hoseok told them what had happened, and they decided to stay with you too.

The girls both had compromises this morning that they couldn’t miss and after a long hour of convincing them that you were okay and that they should go, they did.

You felt lucky and proud of the friends you made. You might not have a lot of friends, but they were without a doubt, the best that you could ever had.

You were watching Netflix on your couch when Hoseok came back with a pizza box you easily recognized in one of his hands and a convenience store bag in the other.

“You got us pizza from Hierin’s? Ohhhh yeessss, you know how much I love that pizza.”

Hobi chuckled. “It wasn’t me. Guess someone left it at your doorstep. I thought you might have asked for a delivery.”

With furrowed brows you said “Huh? No. I didn’t. Who would do that?”

“Maybe Jungkook. I’m pretty sure I saw him parked at the front of the building.”

Jungkook? What the hell was he doing here? Maybe Taehyung and Anyra told him something about what happened yesterday. Most likely Taehyung opened his big mouth.

You immediately went to check over your window and it was indeed Jungkook’s car that was parked in front of your building entrance. You decided to text him. Last time you had a proper talk with each other was when you said that you wanted to end things, it felt a little bit weird texting him again.

Y/N: Hey, where are you?

Few seconds later his response came in.

JK: Hey. I’m at the bar near the campus having a beer with the guys and some girls. What’s up?

Liar. You chuckled seeing his idiotic response. Was he patrolling the area surrounding your building?

Little did you know, he was. He wasn’t gonna admit it because he thought it might sound lame and maybe you wouldn’t want him to be there after everything that happened between you two. He also bought you the pizza from your favorite place, he remembered one time you had mentioned it.

Y/N: Home. Just bored. Well, have fun!

Huh? What? You just cut him off like that. Jungkook wanted to keep talking, he was expecting for you to say that you wanted to see him or maybe tell him about last night. He started typing as he tried to think what the hell to respond.

“So, I guess the bar is actually your car.”

Jungkook almost jumped of his seat, his phone dropping on the car’s floor as you surprised him standing right next to his window.

He almost felt like crying when he saw you. You had your lip cut and the surrounding area and cheek a little bit bruised up. He saw you had gauze around one of your wrists, your knuckles were clearly bruised up. Even like that, you still looked like the most beautiful woman he ever laid eyes on.

He was going to kill the motherfucker who did this to you.

“Uh..n-no, I was just about to leave when you texted me.” Said as he stammered his response.

Your lips twitched. You wanted to laugh at his face so bad. He is really bad at acting. “You are all alone, I thought you said you were with some girls.”.

“I-I was but I was feeling tired, so I left alone.”

It was so amusing to see him trying to elaborate a lie.

You sighed. “Oh, well. You should get going then and have some rest.” Jungkook just nodded sadly. Maybe he was expecting for you to say something else.

As you walked back to your building you suddenly stopped and turned around looking him straight to those beautiful doe eyes and gave him a smile. “Oh, I almost forgot. Thanks for the pizza, JK.”

JK. You never called him by his nickname. It was always either Jeon or Jungkook.

Jungkook felt the way he started blushing instantly at your words. JK. It sounded so much better in your lips.

Have some balls, Jungkook. He encouraged himself. He couldn’t let you go just like that so, he instantly got out of his car and ran towards you, startling you as he hugged you from behind.

“I’m sorry, I’m so so fucking sorry. About the way I treated you, about what happened to you last night. I’ve should’ve been there for you. I’ve said so many hurtful things too. You’re not just a good fuck, you are an amazing person. I care so much about you. I-I just got so angry and didn’t measure what I said, you don’t deserve to be treated like that. Please Y/N forgive me, I miss spending time with you.”

You were left speechless. You weren’t expecting to hear all of those things coming out from him. Your heart was beating 10 times faster than usual.

You looked to your side, where he was laying his head on your shoulder as he kept hugging your body, he looked so damn cute. “I’m sorry too, JK. But let’s not talk about this now, okay?”

Jungkook nodded and surprised you once again when he leaned in and gave you a peck on your cheek. You gulped feeling your face turning red, shivers running down your skin. Only know you realized how much you missed him.

Trying to recompose yourself, you asked stammering a bit “U-um, you wanna come upstairs and eat some pizza?” The galaxy in his eyes sparkling at you as you kept talking “That is if Hobi left anything, he really loves pizza.”

Smiling uncontrollably, Jungkook responded “Yeah, I’d love to.”

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⏤ author's note❧ It's finally here! 😄 It's been a really tough month for me, work was kicking my ass and I barely had time to write, also I'll admit I had a minor writer's block for a lil bit but thankfully that's all behind us. Thank you for everyone who patiently waited for this update! I really really hope y'all enjoy it 😚 Please, don't hesitate on leaving your feedback, reblog, send me asks, whatever you'd like. I always love reading your comments 💜🥰

⏤ tag list❧ @chimsworldsstuff @ahgasegotarmy116 @whoa-jo @aloverga @coralmusicblaze @ericawantstoescape @jk97bam @hoseokteardrop @aiselle90210 @bbtsficrecs

[yutaleks]

true love comes from more than just the heart

yuuta x female reader, length: 1.5K CWs: yandere // reader has loose hair that can be tucked behind the ear // bruises A/N: This is a repost, lightly edited. banner by @/cafekitsune

Part of Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing series

Things with your project partner, Yuuta, have been awkward as of late. It’s been exactly three days, 5 hours, and 40 minutes since the moment he asked you if you wanted to go on a date and you’d let him down as easy as you could. You’d fed him some excuse about not wanting to date right now, not when you’re busy with classes and finals are approaching. But since then, he’s been missing from every group function, and every time your eyes meet in lecture hall it’s like looking at a kicked puppy. It’s eating at you from the inside out, and after said 3 days 5 hours and 40 minutes you can’t take the awkwardness anymore.

“Okkotsu-kun,” you sit down beside him in one of the libraries on campus. You weren’t sure if you’d find him here but somehow, every time you purposefully seek him out, he’s always within reach. “Can we talk?”

He has a laptop and a notebook open on the wooden table, which he promptly shuts as soon as you take a seat next to him. He tucks his arms under the table and looks at you with those very same soggy tired eyes of his. You wonder if he even sleeps at all.

“Sure. What do you need?” He tacks your name and the appropriate honorific on at the end, his voice dulcet and polite.

“I just… feel bad about what happened. We still have to work together on our project and besides that, I like talking to you… but it feels weird suddenly. I feel like you’ve been avoiding me.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Well you didn’t show up for recitation or group study yesterday… bailed on our project meeting the day before that…” you’re wringing your hands on your lap, and Yuuta’s staring at them instead of looking at you. “Are you listening to me?”

“I just needed some time to myself,” he tries to offer you a soft smile but it comes out more like a wince. 

“Aren’t we friends? We don’t have to cut ties just because of—”

“I dont want to cut ties at all.” His voice comes out a little harsher, colder than he’d wanted. In a lower, gentler voice he adds, “it’s because we’re just friends that I just… needed some time.”

“Yuuta-kun.” He looks back up at you directly, forced to by the fact that you’d used his first name and reached out for his hand. He feels his heart in his throat. “It’s not you, it’s just…”

How do you explain this to him, really? Because it is partially him—your best friend and roommate Nobara had drilled into your head that he’s bad news from day one. But in reality, to you, he’s something of a yellow flag, maybe even a pale green. Not red, not yet. Because there’s nothing really wrong with him at all. He’s just a little intense at times, when he’s not being nauseatingly polite and oozing with kindness and consideration. You don’t entirely see whatever darkness it is that Nobara sees in him.

When he perks up in his seat you imagine a dog with ears pointed up, turned at you. Cute.

“I guess I have really bad luck with guys and it’s been a bit nerve-wracking going about dating. I don’t think I’m ready for that again, not with you.”

“What do you mean bad luck?” He blinks, confused.

“Ever since university started, things have just been so strange…” you subconsciously try to pull your hands away, but Yuuta holds them close to his own. You feel a reassuring squeeze. “I’d get close to someone, they’d seem interested… maybe even flirt or meet for a date… but not long after that they’d just vanish and ghost me. Even as recently as a couple weeks ago, I’d been talking to a guy in civics who then stopped coming to class altogether… It’s happened enough times that I’ve just sworn off dating, you know? I guess it’s for the best—maybe the universe just wants me to focus on school, not on relationships with other people. It’s distracting, anyway.”

As you ramble, Yuuta’s thumb glides over your fingers, lulling you into a sense of comfort. It’s nice to talk about this with someone so patient, someone who isn’t as blunt as your roommate; she had blamed you for every person who would disappear soon after coming close to your orbit. You love her to death but coming to her with a hurt ego only makes the wound sting.

“It’s not you at all!” When he feels eyes on him, the other patrons of the library glaring at him for his outburst, he quiets his voice yet again. “You’re perfect. Anyone who doesn’t see that is wrong and doesn’t deserve you at all.” 

You smile at the sureness and totality in his voice. He’s entirely convinced you could do no wrong, and it feels kind of nice to have someone in your corner for once.

You take one hand out of his grip to push back a lock of your hair and in the process manage to look down at your intertwined hands. To your surprise, his hands are bandaged at the knuckles. How had you not noticed that? And peeking from the corners of said bandages are bruises, faded hues of blue and purple. They aren’t fresh, but they look gnarly, the skin taut over his knuckles just about to burst at the seams.

“What happened to you, Okkotsu-kun?” You twist and turn his hands in yours, and he finds that he likes the attention from you—likes it so much he doesn’t dare pull away. His hands go limp in your palms, soaking up their warmth. “Did you have these the last time we spoke?”

“Um… I’ve been working out with a friend these last few weeks. Boxing.” 

You laugh, a sigh of relief visibly making your tense shoulders sag. It’s with this that Yuuta realizes that you’re not the type to pry. You trust him.

“What made you take that up?” You release his hands, to his internal dismay. “Looks painful.”

He shrugs and tucks his hands back under the table, away from your line of vision. “Hmm… I don’t know. Just something to do, I guess.” 

“I never took you as the type to do anything like that.”

He tilts his head. You watch one of the small hoops in his earlobe sway with the movement.

“Really? Why?”

“You’re just always so nice. You give off such a sweet vibe. Like you help grannies cross the street in your spare time, or some shit like that.”

You both share a chuckle, the first time you’d both smiled at each other since before he’d tried to ask you on a date. You find yourself stuck on the curve of his lips, pink and slightly chapped. 

Why did you reject him again…?

The strand of hair that you’d tucked behind your ear falls forward again, and this time Yuuta is the one to tuck it back for you. It feels so natural for him to do it, that you stay still and let him.

“The Yuuta in your mind is such a gentleman, isn’t he?”

You giggle at his choice of words. Why’s he talking about himself like that? The look in his eyes is a little strange, but in your heart, you agree. He’s never given you a reason to believe otherwise.

“Yeah… he definitely is.”

“I’m glad.” He holds the end of the lock of your hair between his fingertips, curling your hair around his pointer finger. He inhales deeply—you smell like strawberries at this distance. It’s lovely.  

He sighs. His breath sounds so heavy, diffusing the tension between you. “I’m sorry I made things awkward. I hope we can still be friends…”

Your smile is bright. Incorruptible. It’s so fucking pretty—always is.

He lets your hair fall out of his grasp.

“Of course, it’s why I came here. I want to be friends… As long as you want to be.”

He wants to say forever. He wants to tell you he never wants to be apart and never wants to see that smile fade. He even wants to tell you about all the fantasies he has in his head where you’re married and tucked away in a forest somewhere, to be each other’s gravity, the entirety of each other’s universes. But he swallows the words instead—that’s just a little too much for you, right now. Even he knows this. Yet somewhere in his mind, he’s certain he’ll be able to say everything he wants to say to you wholeheartedly soon. 

He just has to be a little more patient…

“I do.”

[madaqueue]

Practice Makes Perfect | Chapter 10

synopsis: you and yuji have been best friends basically as long as you can remember, and you made a promise to each other to stay friends and help each other be the best versions of yourselves for your future partners. but will things change when yuji finally starts looking for a relationship?

pairing: yuji itadori (18+) x f!reader

themes/content: modern college au (characters aged up to 18+). language. 18+, MDNI

word count: 1.7k

a/n: clarity by zedd playing softly in the background

previous chapter | series masterlist | next chapter

After your fight with Yuji, things get bad. The next month is a blur. Your mind is clouded, unable to focus on your classes, or anything else for that matter. You feel like you’re watching yourself going through the motions everyday - wake up, go to class, come home, eat, sleep, repeat. As you stare at yourself in the mirror while you brush your teeth, it’s like you’re not even there.

Yuji hasn’t tried texting you, so you don’t even bother going on your phone anymore. You didn’t realize how dark your life becomes without the light of his presence in it. It feels like you’ve lost your ability to feel anything, too burnt out from the anger, confusion, and guilt you’ve been fighting the past few weeks.

Megumi can tell something is off when you sit silently next to him in class, your normal smile now gone without a trace. He wants to ask, but he has a feeling he already knows what’s bothering you, and pressing you on it won’t help. After every lecture you get up with a sigh, muttering a soft, “See you later,” to him, the only words he hears you say anymore.

You become listless. You no longer know how to fill your time, so you start wandering around campus. A part of you hopes that the fresh air will clear the dirt you feel clouding your soul, but it doesn’t seem to help.

During one of these walks, your eyes unfocused as you look down to trace the outline of the bricks lining the path beneath your feet, you suddenly get the wind knocked out of you as you collide directly into someone.

“Sorry,” you mutter without looking up, trying to regain your footing.

���Shit, it’s okay,” you hear the voice of the person you ran into respond. “Oh wait, I know you!”

You sluggishly pull your eyes from your ground to the person standing in front of you. Your eyes meet their face and you recognize the familiar shoulder-length brown hair - Nobara. She stands in front of you in a plain sweatshirt and leggings, almost perfectly mirroring your outfit. You can’t say anything, and you’re not even sure what you would say, so you just stare at her.

Sensing the silence, she takes initiative to continue the conversation. “You’re Yuji’s friend, right?”

His name sends a pang of guilt through your body and your eyes shift down, not sure how to respond anymore. Are you friends? Does he hate you? Does he even want to talk to you anymore? The questions course through your mind, but you’re pulled back by the realization that you should probably respond to her question. You muster an empty nod, your face blank, eyes still on the ground.

“Yeah, I recognize you! He talks about you all the time,” she laughs. “Sorry, I realize it’s kind of weird that I just started talking to you because we’ve never actually met, I just knew your face from all the pictures Yuji has shown me of you guys together. I’m Nobara Kugisaki,” she says, holding her hand out to shake it.

You slowly raise your hand to hers, shaking it loosely, still not making eye contact. As you do, her words replay in your mind. He…talks about you? He shows her pictures of you two together?

She raises one eyebrow at your visibly dejected demeanor, and decides to take matters into her own hands. “Hey, I’m about to go grab a coffee, do you want to come? I’ve honestly been dying to meet you,” she follows.

Scanning her voice, you don’t find any hint of jealousy in it. She actually sounds shockingly genuine. For the first time your eyes move up to meet hers. “Okay,” you say meekly.

“Great!” she cheers, wrapping her arm through yours as she practically drags you down the street.

She brings you to a cafe right off campus that you and Megumi had been to before, one that he personally described as “just alright.” You pick a table as Nobara brings over your coffees, setting a latte down in front of you as she takes a sip of her iced coffee.

“So,” she starts, “what’s going on with you and Yuji?”

Of course. You knew this question was an inevitability. What had he told her about you? Does she know about his feelings for her? Is she asking because she’s jealous, or because she’s confident in her relationship with him? Do they even have a relationship?

“Um, we’re just friends,” you mutter, eyes glued to the table.

“Mm, nope, sorry but I don’t buy it,” she smirks, stirring her coffee in the air.

Shit. Clearly he’s told her about you, and now she’s here because she feels threatened. She must know about his feelings for her, and whatever Megumi thought about her was wrong.

“I-” you start.

“No, see, there’s no way Yuji thinks you’re just friends,” she cuts you off. “He’s, like, in love with you or something. He literally will not shut up about you, to the point that it’s almost annoying.”

Hearing her words your eyes flit up to meet hers, shock evident on your face.

“Wait, did you not know that?” she takes in your surprise. “Oh my god, that little shit!” she exclaims, throwing her head back to laugh. “I’ve been asking him to meet you for forever because I feel like I already know you after everything he’s told me about you. I figured we’d be great friends, but he always made some weird excuse about it. I just thought he was trying to hide you from me, but now I get it - he never told you he had feelings for you!” she thinks aloud, still chuckling.

You just stare blankly at her, mouth agape as you take in the information she’s presenting to you.

“Wait, did something happen between you guys?” she suddenly asks, turning her attention back to your face.

Hesitating for a moment, you sigh, figuring there’s no harm in just being honest with her - clearly she and Yuji are close, so it’ll come out eventually. “Um, yeah…” you trail off. “We got in a fight.”

“I knew it!” she almost yells. “I knew something was up with him. The past few weeks he’s been extra weird, like more weird than normal Yuji. I kept asking him about you and he wouldn’t answer, and it was almost like he flinched whenever your name came up.” She pauses, taking a big swig of her coffee. “What did you guys fight about, anyways?”

Swallowing, you try to mentally weigh your options, deciding to just get it over with. “Well, we were at that party,” you sigh, Nobara nodding intently across from you. “And I…um…I saw him with you. And I just got jealous, and I saw you guys leave together, and-”

“Wow there,” she cuts you off again. “When did you see us ‘leave together?’ Because, no offense here, I would rather rip off my own legs than ‘leave’ with Yuji,” she laughs.

“He had his arm above you, and I turned around and when I looked back, you both were gone,” you explain hesitantly.

Recognition suddenly flashes across her face. “Oh my god, yes I remember that! I was making fun of Yuji because I could see you across the room and I wanted him to go over and talk to you, but he said something about you looking ‘too pretty to bother,’ so I shoved him to try and get him to go say hi. But when I did, he knocked into someone, they got pissed, and they threw their drink over me! Can you believe that? It wasn’t even my fault,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “I had to go upstairs to get a change of clothes since Maki was hosting and I knew she’d be cool about it, but Yuji just sat outside the door to make sure no one came in while I was getting dressed.”

“W-what? No, that…that can’t be right” you stutter. Your thoughts cloud again. You try to replay your memories of that night: Yuji next to Nobara, her shoving him, both of them disappearing…the timing would make sense.

“I don’t know what else to tell you,” she shrugs, “but you really have no reason to worry about me. I don’t really, how do I say this, go for the Yuji’s of the world, if you catch my drift,” she says with a smirk, taking another sip of her coffee.

“But…the two of you had a date?”

“Date?” she laughs. “He and I hang out for our group project sometimes, which he is totally not pulling his weight in, by the way, but we are definitely not going on dates.”

“But Yuji said…” you trail off.

“Yuji’s an idiot, respectfully. He starts talking before his brain can catch up sometimes. I wouldn’t put too much stock into what he says,” she continues. “All I know is that he’s been acting like an injured puppy for a while, and now I know why. Whatever he said or did, you don’t have to forgive him, but believe me when I say that he and I are nothing more than friends and you have nothing to worry about on that front.” She reaches her hand out across the table. “So, what do you say? Do you think you and I can still be friends?”

You nod, a smile starting to form on your face for the first time in a while as you reach out to shake her hand.

The two of you finish your coffee and you learn that she’s actually so much cooler than you ever could have expected. She’s a business major so she can learn how to run a national all-women tattoo shop, she was a semi-professional kickboxer, and she works as a carpenter on the side for a bit of extra cash. You silently thank the fates that she’s not interested in guys, otherwise you would never be able to compete with her. A few times throughout the conversation with her you find yourself laughing so hard your stomach hurts, a feeling you had all but forgotten.

As the two of you get up to part ways, you thank her for taking the time to talk with you. She punches you gently in the shoulder and tells you to call her any time.

On the walk home, you notice the sky starting to cloud as the wind picks up. The moment you step back into your dorm rain begins to pour against your window, as if the sky is cleansing the earth the same way you cleansed your conscience. The conversation with Nobara leaves you feeling rested and clear. Now, all that’s left is to apologize to Yuji.

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[elleloquently]

invisible string [8] : ellie williams

part seven

| college!ellie x female!reader - welcome to the final part of invisible string! i am so sad to be ending this short series, but extremely excited for you all to read it!! i really hope you'll like it... a lot of time was spent getting it right (: thank you guys for being so patient with me! also- thank you to all of my readers <3 special shout out to those of you who have been following this story since the first part was posted. your kindness and encouragement has meant everything to me <3 ilysm

| c/w - anxiety, swearing

it was jarring, the transition from speaking to not.

your friendship with ellie started all at once and fizzled out even quicker, no lasting proof besides the sticky notes that remained on your wall.

it felt silly, looking at them everyday. you wondered if it was inappropriate, keeping them around and on display. truthfully, you still had a little bit of hope left. if you took them down, that would certainly be the end.

she was only a part of your life for a short time, but the week had felt empty without ellie.

ellie hadn't made a move, so you didn't either.

the time apart made it easier to think though, easier to differentiate your thoughts without ellie clouding your senses.

normal friendships shouldn't feel so dramatic. they shouldn't have so many lingering stares, ghosting touches, and unsaid words. at least, you didn't think so. you hadn't experienced a friendship like that before. desperate to say it all yet too scared to say anything at all, you simultaneously wanted to tell ellie everything yet keep yourself a secret, a closed off book forever.

normal friendships shouldn't require that much thought.

the idea nagged at you continuously and you had no choice but to allow it. it was december, finals were wrapping up and the promise of winter break was no longer just around the corner, it was here.

things were always a little awkward, even when they were good. tension.

things hadn't felt weird in a bad way until the mention of jesse and dina. any color had promptly drained from ellie's face, and she was too quick to get away. you were confident that you hadn't misspoke. surely it was something on ellie's end, but it bothered you nonetheless. you had to have been apart of it.

thinking about ellie made you feel selfish, because it almost felt vain to weigh the ways in which she could potentially care about you. reading into stolen glances was a pastime that possibly could've been increasing your vanity. you didn't typically have such thoughts such as oh, i look pretty today, that must be why she keeps looking at me.

you missed looking at ellie. how pathetic but true, it had only been a few days but surely your journal was tired of hearing about it.

you quickly learned that ellie seemed a little impulsive, driven by her stubbornness. well, two can play at that game. you wouldn't even text her.

you half hoped that your absence would make her grow more fond at the idea of you, though maybe you had only pushed her away further. no texts, no anything.

sure, it was finals week. but still.

half of your clothes were packed away, piles around your room that you would swear was an organized method. studying didn't really do you any good, your last final was here and you were drained. you felt like an idiot for being more concerned about ellie, but you had done fine in the class all semester anyway.

snow was finally starting to pile on the ground. you would appreciate the beauty more after your final was finished, when it didn't matter if your hair grew wet from the melting flakes.

campus was quiet and relatively empty as you hurried to the building in which your final would take place. you liked being early, and refused to push the time limit for an exam. maybe the thought of seeing ellie again made your feet move a little quicker, but you focused on rehearsing the study guide in your head during your walk.

your heart pounded with every step. despite actually enjoying the class, you never felt relaxed at the idea of an exam. you had been so focused on ellie, it didn't really sink in that you would be sitting still in a silent room, clock ticking quietly as you would try your best to answer each question. what if you couldn't even focus?

it was too late to worry, and too early to resign yourself yet.

you made it in time, twenty minutes early, your specialty, but quite a few people already occupied the classroom. it wasn't anything out of the ordinary, though. people usually arrived early for finals. the satisfied smile slipped off of your lips however when you noticed that ellie wasn't around.

your heart dropped.

did she opt to take the exam early? what if you had already saw her for the last time, and you had no idea?

you sunk into your seat, wanting to text ellie but you were starting to forget the wording of a definition that you were trying to memorize last minute. sparing a quick glance at your phone, you decided to pull out your study guide instead for a last review.

how the fuck were you supposed to focus?

it was technically still early, but you pulse quickened everytime someone that wasn't ellie walked into the room.

what if ellie wasn't coming? even if things were weird, you guys had become friends. it would be fucked up just to never say bye, right? unless she wasn't as emotionally invested in the situation as you were... which, let's be honest...

the door was heaved open once again and you tried not to look disappointed when in walked a guy from your class. you refocused your gaze on your study notes when suddenly a muttered "thank you" pulled you out of your thoughts.

the guy was holding the door open for someone, but you didn't need to look to know who it was.

in walked ellie, shoulders straight and eyes set. you opened your mouth, ready to say something, but she walked right past you and towards the desk that she previously sat in, before you became friends.

your eyebrows furrowed and it felt like the final nail.

but she hesitated.

ellie hesitated before backpedaling and sat down in the empty spot next to you. the act alone practically gave you an ego.

she didn't glance at you even once, and somehow that felt even more obvious than if she would've looked at you. despite the circumstance you felt giddy, determined to redeem yourself for a mistake that you didn't even make.

you eyed ellie. she was trying so hard not to glance in your direction, it was cute. you had to try. you'd regret it if you didn't. you mentally debated which was worse, regret or embarrassment.

"so," you began, wanting to sound confident instead of squeaky with nerves. "on a scale of one to ten, how fucked do you think you are for the final?"

ellie's eyes widened and you tried, you really did, not to break out into a grin.

you continued. "i think i'm standing at a solid..." you pretended to think, drawing your eyebrows together as you looked to the ceiling, but you already knew what you were going to say. "...six?"

ellie snorted. "do you just memorize everything that i say?" she quipped, finally turning toward you.

your smile was sly once you looked away from her. "i don't know what you're talking about?"

ellie rolled her eyes, but you were finally speaking again and it was so good. a little late maybe, but good.

"don't copy me," ellie said, her words clipped. you knew she was joking. "anyway, you're gonna do better than a six. you organize your notes like a crazy person."

you frowned at the teasing statement but your heart skipped a beat anyway. ellie couldn't seem to meet your eyes and it made you feel greedy, desperate to get to the bottom of things.

"how have you been?" you asked, casually enough.

ellie looked at you as though you had posed a trick question.

"it's finals week," she replied flatly, but there was something else there.

you nodded. "right, but..." you quietly trailed off. there was no point in starting a big conversation with the exam merely minutes away.

ellie seemed visibly uncomfortable.

"the last time we talked, i..." ellie began to speak without knowing where she was going to end her sentence. you really needed to memorize that definition from earlier.

you flung open your notes. "it's fine," you dismissed. it wasn't really, but maybe you didn't want to do this now.

ellie winced. "it's not," she disagreed.

last week she had practically left you in the dust. now she wants to get confrontational?

"ellie," you frowned. "do you want to look through my notes? i have the ones from the section that i helped you with, that day in the library?" you looked up curiously, hand hovering over the pages incase she accepted.

ellie laughed, short and breathy. "i'm okay."

her tone was polite and light, a drastic change from how awkward she was just being. you carried on, quickly scanning paragraphs. cramming was never helpful, but you couldn't help yourself.

"i didn't really need your notes," ellie mumbled, looking away from you and at her hands instead.

you barely caught on to the uttered confession. "hm?"

her words took a second to register in your brain, to which you finally pulled your gaze away from your notes.

"are you declining my help in a passive aggressive way, or do you have something to say?" you asked quickly, the words tumbling out of your mouth before you could think it over. the classrooms were always too hot this time of year. your hands felt too dry and the feeling of them against paper was driving you crazy.

"what? no," ellie quickly corrected, shifting nervously in her seat.

you leaned over to unzip your bag that was on the floor, leaning against your chair. "i was just asking," you mumbled, pulling a small bottle of lotion from it's secure place in your bag.

ellie watched carefully as you applied a small amount to your hands. the sweet, floral notes reached her nose and she craned her neck in an attempt to read the scent name on the decorated tube.

"ellie?" you pressed, zipping your bag shut once again when you were finished with the lotion. ellie's sentence was unfinished, and you were running on little to no patience.

"i'm sorry," she breathed out. it wasn't what you were expecting and you blinked in surprise.

you would've clung to her every word, but you'd rather it be saved until your finals were over. you couldn't tell if it was a good i'm sorry or a bad one, and the result might genuinely impact your grade. it had to be discussed, you couldn't live with it being left alone. you debated biting the bullet and just asking if she wanted to hang out, but the idea of rejection made you hot in the face.

there it was again, regret or embarrassment.

if she said no, the embarrassment would most likely creep over you every night when you tried to sleep, but at least you wouldn't have to face her again. last chance.

you came out of your thought by noticing the dejected look on ellie's face. right, she said sorry.

"ellie," you tried again. "are you busy after this... or, or tonight?" you tried not to make it sound weighted, but you didn't think that you succeeded.

something of a surprised smile registered on ellie's face that she tried to suppress.

"after this?" ellie questioned, her words rushed. there wasn't much time to converse anymore. the final exam was looming.

you nodded. ellie blinked. "yes. sure," she responded, a little dazed.

satisfaction bloomed within you. it wasn't over yet.

thank god, you didn't have to work your way through this exam battling tears of rejection and heartache.

you wanted to say more, but the time that you had been prepping for weeks was finally upon you. you were stupidly emotional about the class ending. this class brought you ellie. this final was the reason for your budding friendship with ellie. you didn't want whatever this was with ellie to end with the class. you would finish the exam, and then you would talk.

"hey," ellie muttered, getting your attention quickly before the exams were handed out. "good luck," she said warmly.

you didn't bother hiding your smile. "good luck," you replied sincerely. you spared ellie one more quick glance before tuning in to focus.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

ellie left the exam before you did. she had finished first, only by a few minutes, but your heart raced. you were nearly done, just checking over answers when ellie had stood up, turned in her final, and left. she looked back at you before she had walked out of the doors. you had made eye contact. and then she was gone.

you skimmed all of the pages, making sure you had answered every question. your stomach hurt. did she leave? did she just leave?!

granted, of course, you could text her later. hopefully she would respond. but it was hard to make sense of any rational thoughts after the image of her leaving.

you did your best. you even felt fairly confident. you blindly gathered your things and turned in your exam, wishing your professor a final farewell and a happy winter break.

you pulled your phone out of your pocket upon exiting the classroom, hoping to see a text from ellie. instead, you simply saw ellie.

"oh," you said audibly.

ellie's head snapped up as soon as you appeared in the hallway. she was sitting on a bench outside of the classroom. she was waiting.

"how'd it go?" she asked hopefully.

you breathed a sigh of relief that turned into a laugh. she waited for you. the weight of the exam had been lifted off of your shoulders. now the only thing left that was bringing you down was where you stood with ellie.

"it's over," you mused, relieved that for a little while, there would be no assignments or tests to leave you in a tizzy. "what about you?"

ellie smiled in response, but her expression was lacking happiness. "we're free."

you nodded slowly, wanting to get on with it but at the same time feeling perfectly content with the small talk.

"so," you started, but the classroom door flung open causing you to flinch. another student completed the exam, exiting into the hallway. you stepped aside, drawing closer to ellie. "wanna get out of here?"

"do you have the time?" ellie questioned, looking at you almost accusingly.

your eyes narrowed. "yes," you emphasized. "that was my last exam. I am officially on winter break. also... you were the one that disappeared the last time we talked."

ellie paled, focusing her gaze on her converse. "yeah. about that..."

a small group of people came down the hallway. ellie stood up and gave you a look. "let's get out of here," she affirmed.

you trailed behind her, wringing your hands. what exactly were you even supposed to say? was this supposed to be some sort of all or nothing situation, because you really weren't very good at those...

once ellie noticed that you weren't at her side, she halted. "are... you okay?" she asked, looking unsure.

you nodded, eyes wide. you could see out of the doors, snow was falling once again. it was really starting to stick to the ground, too. the sight made your heart swell. "'it's snowing," you mumbled, awkwardly gesturing with your hand.

ellie let out a dry chuckle. "yeah, it is," she remarked, a soft smile painting itself on her lips. "wanna go to my dorm?"

you nodded once more, absentmindedly. ellie held the door open and you stepped outside, mentally welcoming the snow.

the walk was quiet. awkward. neither of you bothered with anymore small talk. it felt weird, saving the conversation until you arrived in ellie's dorm. you were anxious to see if she still had your doodles on her wall.

you made it in record time, motivated by the cold and slippery sidewalk. ellie laughed at you once you entered the building, stomping your shoes to rid them of any snow.

"you have snowflakes. in your eyelashes," ellie murmured, placing a careful hand under your chin to direct your gaze so she could examine them.

you stilled and held your breath, the feeling of her touch warming your body so much that you felt desperate to shed your coat.

"they'll melt," you whispered with an uneasy laugh.

ellie caught herself and removed her touch. your stomach flipped.

"i thought one time you said something about not liking when they melted on your eyelashes. something about your mascara running?" ellie teased, leading the way to her room.

"yeah, so i buy waterproof," you explained as if it were obvious.

ellie clicked her tongue and unlocked her door. "right. silly me," she breathed, stepping aside to let you into her room first. every action like that brought you butterflies.

you tried not to make it obvious, but you immediately looked for the notes on her wall. once your eyes landed on them, you breathed a sigh of relief. they were still there. suddenly you didn't feel so weird about keeping them on your wall either.

the room smelled like ellie. you wanted to soak it in.

ellie took off her coat, placed her bag on the floor and then dropped her coat on top of it. you followed suit, tucking your bag into a corner and shrugging off your coat. you were going to put it on the floor too, but ellie grabbed it from your hand and hung it on the back of a chair.

your cheeks warmed and you looked away.

"i feel like we should be studying or something," you tried with a small laugh.

"or something," ellie mused.

she sat on her bed, legs hanging over the side. you stood in front of ellie, avoiding eye contact.

"can i get you anything?" ellie awkwardly offered after a moment. "i don't have much left but i can offer you the water that's left in my bottle."

you rolled your eyes despite the corners of your lips, which quirked upwards. "charming. i'll pass, thank you."

"suit yourself," ellie sighed.

you were both trying way too hard to sound nonchalant. you hated it.

you stood awkwardly, not sure what to do with your hands. after a moment of hesitation, you finally made the plunge.

"ellie, did i like... say something? or do... something?"

you were scared of her answer, scared that maybe you really had been embarrassing yourself all along and now you wouldn't hear the end of it.

she looked resigned. you could tell that she was debating something, the way her eyes flicked away from your face and her eyebrows drew together.

"you didn't do anything," ellie confirmed. you could tell that she was physically working up to something. "i thought maybe... dina and jesse? i thought they might've said something stupid," she uttered.

you tilted your head in confusion, but your heart beat sped up. your mind flashed back to that moment, someone that ellie likes.

"they didn't," you reassured.

"yeaah, that's what they said too. i guess i just kinda... freaked." ellie replied, scratching the back of her neck.

"they were really nice," you offered awkwardly. "i didn't mean to make you feel weird or anything."

you even tried to avoid it, but you didn't have to explain that now. it's not like you would have actually hung out with dina and jesse... no offense to them of course, but you didn't know them so the idea made you feel extremely uncomfortable.

"you didn't," ellie pressed, adamant about not making you feel bad. "i thought that maybe i did."

you scrunched up your nose. "is that why you said the thing about freaking me out? because you really didn't."

ellie nodded. "i just thought they said something dumb. or something they shouldn't have said," she reiterated. ellie kicked off her converse.

your eyes widened, immediately thinking the worst. surely ellie was not the type of person to be nice to your face and then talk poorly about you to her friends? you honestly felt that if she didn't like you, you obviously wouldn't be standing in her room. still, the nagging thought persisted.

"something like what?" you asked, your voice coming out sharper than you intended.

"nothing bad, i just- dude, i feel like i'm on trial when you're just standing there like that."

your cheeks heated in embarrassment. "sorry," you mumbled, taking off your shoes and carefully tucking them next to your bag. you sat on the edge of her bed, and ellie turned to face you.

ellie's eyes scanned your features once you sighed.

"this is so dumb," you muttered. to your surprise, ellie laughed in relief.

"i was being weird. and i shouldn't have been," ellie clarified. "i'm sorry i made you feel bad."

the sincerity made you feel awkward. "it's okay. we're good?"

"we're good," ellie confirmed.

you blinked, forcing a smile onto your face. you were ready for this part to be over but there was still so much to be said.

you tore your eyes away from ellie, studying the solar system poster above her bed. "i still haven't seen the planetarium," you uttered wistfully.

ellie tilted her head, staring at you while you were unaware. "i'll take you," she said automatically, the words leaving her before she was able to doubt herself.

a ghost of a smile flickered on your lips.

"i think i've only been to a planetarium a couple times, as a kid," you said, eyes glancing over the starry map.

ellie smiled, quickly glancing from your lips to your eyes.

"for my sixteenth birthday, joel took me to this awesome museum," ellie began. her tone was wistful yet determined, voice laced with her best storytelling inflections.

you turned to face her again. ellie's eyes lit up while she spoke.

"it was a science and history museum," ellie explained. you smiled at her easy enthusiasm. "-and it had this planetarium that was the coolest fucking thing i've ever seen."

the smile quickly left your lips once your mouth dropped open in realization. "oh! the pictures!" you scrambled off of ellie's bed, leaving her to look confused and mildly concerned.

"pictures?" she questioned, getting up to follow after you. you lead her to the wall that was covered in all of her drawings and photos. you could've sworn that you remembered them. you scanned her wall, looking for two pictures in particular as your face scrunched up in concentration.

"there!" you pointed excitedly. the two photos that you remembered, ellie in an astronaut helmet grinning wildly at the camera, and ellie and joel wearing hats, posed in front of a massive dinosaur display.

"are those from your birthday?" you asked, stomach twisting with your words. you hoped that you were right, or else it might be embarrassing. maybe it was embarrassing anyway, the fact that you had so vividly remembered those photos.

ellie chuckled. "yeah actually, they are."

ellie bumped your shoulder, causing you to grin at her decorated wall.

"i love how many pictures you have," you sighed. "i have such a cute camera, but i always forget to take pictures in the moment." you explained with a frown.

"bring it when we go to the planetarium," ellie suggested plainly, as if her entire sentence didn't completely cause your pulse to quicken.

when.

we.

"okay," you replied flatly, wondering if ellie could tell how uneven your breathing had gotten. fueled by blind courage, you stared at astronaut ellie when you spoke. "i'm leaving tomorrow, though. going home for break."

"we'll go after break," she clarified, looking at you.

you turned your head to meet her eyes, willing yourself not to flinch at how close your faces were. the green of her eyes were always enchanting, but this close?

you swallowed hard. "okay," you agreed.

and it was official. ellie wanted to keep seeing you after break. you had done the impossible college task, turn a class friend into a real friend.

friend. honestly, it was laughable.

"okay," ellie repeated in a whisper. her eyes bore into yours and you were frozen, wanting to pull away but your body stayed still, feet planted. she was so intense.

you forced your body to move, turning your head away from her and taking a step back. you heard ellie sigh as you moved.

"i was never trying to blow you off," you confessed suddenly, once your back was to ellie.

you obviously had caught her off guard by the way in which she hummed in surprise. admittedly, you had caught yourself off guard too, but it had been weighing on your conscience too much. you couldn't ignore the signs anymore, and as much as you would have loved to wait around for ellie to make the first move, she was too concerned about potentially freaking you out.

"remember when you asked me if i wanted to go to the dining hall with you? the first time," you clarified. "and i said that i was free the rest of the day." you busied yourself by straightening the green throw blanket on ellie's bed.

ellie nodded, even though your back was turned. "yeah?"

"and then i stopped hanging out with you after class."

"yeah."

"i... um, i lied," you confessed suddenly, whirling around to face her.

ellie's features were etched in confusion. "lied about what?" she pressed, her voice low.

all of your insecurities felt heightened by how intensely she was staring at you. you felt cowardly, explaining the next part.

"i lied about being free?" you mumbled, face hot.

ellie's eyebrows knitted together, as if to say go on...

"i have another class on those days, like, about an hour later. but... i lied and said i was done for the day because... i wanted to... hang out?"

you mentally lost your footing but got there eventually, holding your breath once you finished your sentence. the silence was daunting until ellie suddenly laughed.

"are you fucking kidding me?" she asked, eyes wide.

"n-no?"

ellie shook her head. "why didn't you just tell me that?" ellie laughed, clearly amused.

"because it's embarrassing?" you said, believing it to be obvious.

"well, yeah," ellie mused. you visibly deflated.

ellie managed to hold back her laughter as she took a small step towards you. "you could've told me," she reiterated more seriously.

"sure i could've," you mumbled, rolling your eyes. "i was too nervous. it felt so stupid."

"you skipped class to hang out with me?" ellie's eyes glinted with bemusement. you wished she would stop looking at you, you needed a break. you quite literally felt like you were burning up.

"so what?" you snapped in defense, and ellie's laughter escaped her. you frowned, crossing your arms.

"i just wish that i knew that before," ellie shrugged, taking another step towards you. you countered it by taking a small step backwards.

"yeah well..." you shrugged. "i'm sorry. it's weird."

ellie immediately shook her head. "it's not," she pressed. she went from joking to being serious so quickly. god she made your head spin.

"i just didn't wanna-" you were quickly cut off by ellie.

"freak me out?" she finished. your blank expression was enough of a confirmation.

"imagine how i felt," ellie pointed out. "i thought that maybe i... i don't know," she shrugged it off. it wasn't fair, you were totally embarrassed and she kept brushing things off. it was infuriating. she looked so cute in her hoodie.

"maybe you what?" you pressed once again. finish your sentences, ellie.

ellie took a deep breath. "maybe i scared you off."

you shook your head slowly. yeah, these conversations were not typical in normal friendships.

"you didn't," you said. your words were quiet but weighted. you prayed for ellie to catch onto the implication. please please please-

ellie took a step closer. you took a step back. your body knocked against ellie's bed and you straightened your knees.

"good," she said simply, not breaking eye contact.

"okay, enough about that," you laughed weakly. "why did you want to hang out with me in the first place?" you questioned, attempting to change your tone.

ellie's eyebrows raised. "seriously?" she asked flatly, unimpressed with your question.

whatever. this so wasn't fun.

"how would you recommend going about making friends?" ellie asked tauntingly.

"oh, you're putting me on the spot again. let's not do that anymore," you suggested. ellie laughed suddenly and rolled her eyes.

"my bad," she joked, throwing her hands in the air to resign. you smiled but the butterflies in your stomach made you feel sick.

you threw her an accusing look but she grinned, enjoying whatever this situation was. you almost felt jealous, wondering what it was that you could have possibly done that managed to boost her confidence.

"besides, you never answer any of my questions," you argued.

"well you just have so many," ellie mumbled and then frowned. "and yes i do," she defended. "i just answered your question about those pictures being from my birthday."

"ellie," you complained.

ellie mocked your tone, saying your name as a complaint.

you appeared unamused, willing the corners of your lips not to turn up.

ellie dropped the joke-y smile and genuinely appeared to be conflicted. you worried that you pressed too far, maybe things didn't need to come out right now, but you stayed silent anyway.

"fine," ellie finally said. "ask me."

"ask you what?" you quickly questioned.

"just ask me."

heart pounding, you remained still as ellie took another hesitant step towards you. you felt as though there were so many things that could go wrong. it was all dangling, right in front of you. one wrong move or one right move, you couldn't decide which it was, and everything would be out in the open. you were terrified, wanting to immediately backpedal but at the same time, you were starting to feel addicted to the adrenaline of being around ellie. you wanted to ask her so many questions but also, nothing at all.

at once it came to you, and the final exam that you had just taken felt like it had been days ago.

you wrinkled your nose. "what did you mean when you said you didn't really need my notes?"

the expression that registered on ellie's face made you feel as though you had asked the incorrect question.

"i just mean, you didn't say that you don't need my notes, you said that you didn't need my notes which doesn't make sense because-"

"i lied," ellie cut you off.

you gaped at her and ellie took another step, this one even more hesitant. you couldn't move away any further. you resigned and sat down on her bed.

"about what?" you asked, and your voice came out more quiet than you had intended. you felt like your heart was pounding in your ears.

"i didn't need your notes."

"i know, you said you didn't but-"

"no, i didn't need your notes," ellie tried again. "i never needed your notes."

she was treading lightly and you could tell. ellie tried meeting your eyes, but you stared down at your hands in your lap.

"you never needed my notes," you repeated softly.

ellie nodded once, encouraging your train of thought. she let it linger, only for a moment before clarifying. "in the library. the study group."

what?

"you never needed my notes?" your head snapped up, eyes wide as you finally met ellie's gaze. she slowly shook her head, trying to gage your reaction.

you felt humiliated, as if you had forced ellie to study with you even though that certainly wasn't the case at all. she had even encouraged it, initiated it even, but dread still filled a pit in your stomach.

"but you said that you were there for the study group!" you said, grasping for straws. ellie chuckled.

"yeah, i was. just not for the reason you thought."

you tilted your head to the side. "go on," you said, raising an eyebrow.

"i didn't need help. i wasn't there to get help. i was actually there to give help, but the person didn't show up," ellie explained.

you blinked once, slowly. you repeated her words in your mind. you let it sink in.

"oh my god," you muttered, partly in disbelief. "why did you let me help you?"

"becauuse," ellie carefully sat next to you. "i figured... if you thought that i needed help, you would stay."

her expression remained stoic despite the red blush that was creeping up onto her face. your stomach flipped.

"and i stayed," you uttered.

"you stayed," ellie confirmed. "mission accomplished," she offered weakly.

she wanted you to stay. she acted like she needed your notes so you would stay.

ellie was watching you carefully, but you didn't feel pressured to react. you wiped your palms on your pants.

"okay," you began calmly. "i hate study groups. i hate the awkward conversation, being around people that never actually speak to me. i never go to those things. the only reason that i went was because you asked me about it in class. and so i thought that i might see you there. and i wanted to see you," you added the last part, letting the words fall into the open.

"you're fucking with me," ellie immediately said.

"i'm not," you argued, defensive and buzzing.

ellie clicked her tongue in disbelief, eyeing you. shorter strands of hair always fell into her face. you wanted to swipe them away.

"jesus," ellie mused.

"is that why you wanted me to stay? you wanted to be friends?"

ellie winced at friends, and you inwardly cringed.

dear god.

"not friends," you quickly clarified. "well, friends, but..." your voice failed you, but maybe it was for the better. you wished you weren't wearing a sweater, too warm.

ellie said your name, quietly to get your attention. you met her eyes. her mouth slipped into a sly smile when she spoke.

"i sat next you because i thought that you were pretty," she uttered pointedly.

oh! like like like!

your mind and face went blank. "oh," you laughed after a second.

"oh?" ellie questioned, watching you carefully.

ellie leaned into you, elbows propped on her legs. you swallowed hard. you felt like you were watching yourself instead of actively experiencing what was happening. it was dreamlike.

"you're the only reason i haven't skipped class all semester," you blurted out. you grimaced, twisting it into a nervous smile. okay, sure, no time like the present.

ellie looked at you curiously, cocking her head to the side. "really?"

"really," you confirmed, running your fingers along the blanket on her bed.

"you definitely weren't obvious," ellie murmured, looking at you in amusement.

"i wasn't supposed to be, are you kidding? this is humiliating."

"is it?" ellie questioned, eyebrows raised in concern despite the smirk on her face.

"sort of? oh my god, i feel so dumb. i had the biggest-" you paused in hesitation, the word crush hadn't been used yet and you were reluctant to be the first.

like like like!

"i wanted to talk to you all semester," you corrected, still burning with embarrassment. "and when you sat next to me, well, i know that technically i sat next to you but that was my seat first so really all i was doing was sitting in my normal seat where i had sat every other day but then you decided to move seats so really-"

you rambles were cut off, surprisingly, pleasantly, by ellie leaning inwards and placing her hands on your shoulders. you were suddenly pulled towards her as ellie closed the gap between the two of you.

her lips, warm and a little chapped, met your own without a moment's notice. your eyes widened in surprise before you forced them shut, melting into ellie as she brought a careful hand to the side of your face. your heart pounded, butterflies exploded in your stomach and yet you tried not to think, only to enjoy it.

like!

the kiss lasted merely seconds before ellie pulled away, lifting her hands away from you. they hovered above you, the ghost of her touch lingering. you already missed it. ellie quickly scanned your face for any indication of feeling.

you were lost for words, every hopeless hope that you had held and carried with you for weeks turned out not to be hopeless after all. now probably wasn’t the best time to feel shy, but nerves consumed you.

despite them though, you laughed. “so when jesse said someone that ellie likes…”

“yes,” ellie confirmed.

you grinned. “me too.”

“yeah?” ellie asked softly.

you hummed in response, allowing your eyes to flutter shut as ellie leaned in once again. you allowed yourself to be kissed, drowning out your nervous feelings with complete and total bliss.

you pulled away first this time, drawing your knees up to your chest.

"how long?" you inquired, peering to the spot on the wall where the sticky notes were on display.

"since the first day, when a pretty girl was in my class and i had to take the seat in front of her."

"me?" you whispered, as if you were being let in on a secret. in a way, you supposed, you were.

ellie nodded enthusiastically.

"me too," you said with a frown. "good thing you finally spoke to me, 'cause class would've ended before i had the chance."

"good thing," ellie agreed with a hum. you wanted to kiss her again.

"so, is there a reason i got invited to lunch? they said something about you canceling all the time," you mused.

ellie waved it off. "just dina being dina. i was canceling but... there was only so much time left in the semester to try and impress you," ellie joked wistfully.

you shook your head in disbelief. "i can't believe this."

"you? what about me?" ellie countered. "when i saw you that night at the bar, with that guy? god, i was fucking praying that you didn't have a boyfriend or something."

"cute," you responded simply, to which ellie wrinkled her nose.

"oh, and when i gave you my number?" ellie continued on, talking animatedly now. "and you didn't text me at all during the entire weekend?" ellie shook her head, letting out a breathy laugh. "i thought it was over for me."

"i was so scared," you admitted.

"it's okay," ellie reassured you. "we got to the bottom of it."

you smiled, looking at your hands. the silence that ensued was comfortable.

"were you ever going to tell me?" you asked finally.

ellie sighed heavily, scanning your face. "i don't know. i wasn't sure if you wanted me to. i had to be sure." she looked down at your hands, fidgeting and wringing.

you nodded in understanding. "you were sort of driving me crazy these past few weeks. i couldn't tell if you actually liked me or if i was overreacting to everything."

"oh, join the club," ellie mused.

okay, note to self, trust your gut feeling. unless anxiety is controlling your gut feeling. then… disregard completely. other note to self, try to figure out the difference between a real gut feeling and an anxious, fake gut feeling.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

you talked and talked with ellie until the sun went down. you had hardly noticed it had gotten dark. the shades and curtains were open, once letting in the natural light from the day. the room grew dark as night fell, but neither of you moved from the bed. you sat, talking and laughing and whispering and you wondered how cheesy you would seem if you pinched yourself.

time ticked by no matter how much you opposed it, and the threat of morning weighed heavy on you.

"i'll walk you," ellie insisted once you were putting on your shoes.

you glanced out of the window. snow was piling up quickly. it was beautiful to look at, but you dreaded the walk back to your dorm.

"are you kidding? no way," you refused. you felt bad enough the last time that ellie had walked you home, and that night's weather was nice compared to tonight.

"are you kidding?" ellie began putting on her shoes, lacing up her converse.

"i'm just going to go," you threatened flatly.

"okay, i'll just trail behind you and try not to look like a total creep," ellie retorted.

you pushed out a breath of air, trying not to smile. ellie had her jacket on quicker than you did anyway.

when ellie asked if you had gloves this time, you were proud to pull them out of your coat pocket to show her.

"a hat?" ellie questioned next.

"i can't find my earmuffs," you grumbled.

in response, ellie placed her own hat on your head, tugging it down so that it covered your ears with a look of determination on her face.

the walk was peaceful, though trudging through the quickly fallen snow had proven to be difficult. it was beautiful though, and ellie guided you with a careful hand on your arm so you could focus your gaze upward, at the falling snowflakes.

when you arrived at your dorm, you both hesitated in the cold despite your noses turning red.

"ellie, do you want to come in fo-"

"yes," ellie quickly answered. you grinned.

yourself and ellie spent two more hours talking together. you stood back and observed while ellie paced around your room, looking at pictures and trinkets. everything about her was endearing. the shy smile that graced her lips upon seeing the sticky notes on your wall was the reason behind your third kiss that night.

when ellie finally had to leave, she parted with promises to text when she had made it safely. and she did.

you traced her name from the sticky note over and over, emotions swelling inside of you. despite the calm you felt fairly overwhelmed, left with so much to process. positively overwhelmed, at least. no longer would you lose sleep, analyzing and overthinking trying to figure out if ellie could truly like you.

like like like!

you would see her again after break, it was certain. you would text her, not worrying if ellie didn't really want you to have her number.

after all, she gave it to you for a reason... just as she reminded you before leaving for her dorm.

so of course, you promised to text her.

and you did.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

tags :

@pinkfillerose @whore-era @lilisvlibrary @elliefilms @whteflwcrs @jasontoddsdreamgirl @icedcold @sarahsmileslikesarahd0esntcare @evanpetersluver @muthafuckingstargirl @pctcr @illicitghosts @mell0w-mushr00m @queen-arya22 @deafelliewilliams @urmyheartshaka @yourfrenchteacher @me-and-your-husband @blairfox04 @saturnsrem @poopedmypants47 @shehitdenaenae @jrjlc

[midnightechoes]

So this week is going to go down as maybe the most sapphic week in animation history. It’s going to have a great case, there are so many sapphic shows or shows with prominent sapphic couples airing this week.

Don’t know what I’m talking about? Here’s a quick rundown:

Yuri Is My Job!

Premiering on Crunchyroll on April 6th.

Yuri is My Job! is based on a yuri manga of the same name. It follows high schooler Hime, who cares deeply about her image as sweet and helpful, even though she’s actually selfish. She accidentally injures the manager of a cafe, and agrees to work there to make up for it. But this is no ordinary cafe, it’s like a cafe dinner theater where all the waitresses play characters from a fictional high school and act out skits for the patrons. Hime’s character is supposed to be in love with one of the other waitresses’ character, but she starts actually falling for the girl. Only problem is, behind the scenes the other waitress seems to hate her.

Yeah, that sounds kind of bonkers! I can already see the story now, Hime starting out playing a role, and eventually having to legitimately earn the love of Mitsuki.

Birdie Wing: Golf Girls’ Story

Season 2 premiering on Crunchyroll on Friday, April 7th

Ah Birdie Wing. If you saw season one, you know just how delightful wacky this show is. It follows the stories of Eve, a golfer that plays in illegal underground golf matches for the mob, and Aoi, a golf prodigy and the new sensation of the golf world. Their lives crash into each other and the chemistry is overwhelming and immediate.

Technically Eve and Aoi aren’t canon as of the end of s1, but it’s hard to imagine that the show isn’t heading in that direction. It makes no effort to hide the fact that these two are into each other.

I’m so excited to see what season 2 has in store for these two. Birdie Wing is just a delightfully weird little show.

Princess Principal: Crown Handler Chapter 3

Premieres in theaters in Japan on Friday, April 7th

Alright, so this won’t be useful to a lot of people reading this, as this is only premiering in Japan this weekend. But I wanted to mention it because (a) it’ll come over to the US sometime this year, and (b) Princess Principal is awesome and I want to promote it when I can.

Princess Principal was a 12 episode series that aired in 2017, and Crown Handler is a six-part sequel OVA series.

In a nutshell, Princess Principal is a steampunk spy thriller set in an alternate universe European kingdom that has been divided by a wall, Berlin-style. It follows a team of spies, masquerading as high school girls, as they try to prevent the two sides from going to war.

I know, “why is this on a list of gay shit?” Well, because it is. Two of the main characters, Ange and Princess Charlotte, are big-time into each other and while the original series does the anime thing of “we’re only allowed to go so far with this”, the OG series has a lot of intimate scenes between the two and does end *SPOILERS* with the two of them sitting on the beach together while holding hands.

And perhaps Crown Handler, being made years later, can finally take their relationship farther.

RWBY Volume 9

Volume 9 episode 8 airing on Crunchyroll on Saturday, April 8th

RWBY has been ongoing, and the current volume has been airing since February, but there’ll be another episode this Saturday. Right now RWBY is in the middle of dealing with a lot of trauma, BUT, the bees are canon and dating so every episode of RWBY is now officially gay. So says me.

The Owl House: Watching and Dreaming

 Series finale airing on the Disney Channel on Saturday, April 8th

I’M NOT READY TO LOSE THIS SHOW! 😭

*ahem* The third and final season 3 special airs on Saturday, and promises to be mega emotional and super gay.

I’m grateful that this show had a chance to finish its story, something a lot of sapphic media doesn’t get to do. But I am still pissed about it getting cancelled in the first place simply because it didn’t fit their “brand” (read: this show is too gay for Disney).

But I just know that Dana and her team put together a sensational finale.

Mobile Suit Gundam: the Witch From Mercury

Season 2 premiering on Crunchyroll on Sunday, April 9th.

Affectionately called G-Witch, season 1 of this show was a revelation in the fall. It follows the story of Suletta Mercury, precious cinnamon roll and the most talented mobile suit pilot around, and Miorine Rembran, daughter of the president of the Benerit Group, a mega-corporation that has massive political power.

The show revolves around a school that’s mostly full of the children of powerful people. And then there’s Suletta, a nobody that just wants to be a normal girl and have a normal school life but through a series of events ends up in a mobile suit duel that she easily wins, earning her the title of Holder, which makes her Miroine’s groom.

At first, the two treat the arrangement as a business arrangement, both seeing practical value in this arranged engagement. But it’s obvious that Miorine is actually pretty into Suletta from the start, and we see Suletta slowly falling for Miorine too.

G-Witch is incredible. Part awesome mecha fights, part political intrigue, part romance between two useless girls who’d rather die that admit their actual feelings.

I am SO EXCITED for season 2!

LGBTQ media hasn’t had it great as of late, with a ton of frustrating cancellations and it almost feeling like Hollywood is going backwards in terms of its commitment to giving us space to tell our stories.

But animation, both in the US and in Japan, seems to be making great strides, being our light in the dark.

All five of these shows are airing episodes this week, and Crown Handler will be in theaters this week and on streaming/blu-ray later this year. RWBY has been airing for weeks and its been the gayest volume yet. the Magical Revolution of the Reincarnated Princess and the Genius Young Lady just finished airing and was wonderfully sapphic. I’m In Love With the Villainess is scheduled to air sometimes this year. And just maybe we might get Arcane season 2 before the end of the year.

I’m excited for how sapphic and yuri animation is progressing, I hope it keeps going forward.

[kabuki-draws]

I watched Ridley Scott's NAPOLEON yesterday and it was a complete Waterloo.

Yes, I am a big history nerd with a giant heart for movie adaptation of historical topics. But when I watched NAPOLEON I sat there... and tried not to laugh. It was not only so historical inaccurate, that I wanted to cry, at the same time it was filled with cringe dialogues, red flags and terrible color grading. This whole movie made me so sad yet so angry, that I HAVE to write this review:

(Disclaimer: This review is based on my own opinion. If you enjoyed the movie, it's completely fine. Btw. in that case or if you agree with me, feel free to tell me your opinion. I would love to know!)

First of all: Don't get me wrong, the medium film has its own rules and you can't put as much historical accuracy into a big scale movie as you would into a documentary - sometimes the story needs to be altered to be a good movie. And that is fine. Even if Gladiator is a complete fictional story set in the Roman Empire, I can still enjoy this movie for what it is: A good-written story with great characters, a beautiful score and iconic scenes. With Kingdom of Heaven it's kind of the same - and while the movie cut was very inconsistent, I still kind of liked it. But then the Directors Cut made it a a masterpiece for me.

Funny enough, both of these movies are made by the same person: Ridley Scott. So naturally I thought: Well, Napoleon won't be a historical accurate film, but I surely will enjoy it anyways. Well, ...no. It is not only historical incorrect, it's also a bad movie overall.

To start it short: NAPOLEON clearly lost itself in all the various topics it wanted to tell within a runtime of two and a half hours. It made the whole storytelling very weird and inconsistent, causing the problem, that the audience even loses itself in the questions of when and where. Where is that scene located? When did that happen? And then comes the question: Why is this even happening?

Ridley Scott wants to depict Napoleon as a lover, a military genius, a big political figure, a revolutionary and more. But in the end he tells all of this in the most shallow way possible, which waters down Napoleons personality traits and achievements to a series of small scenes. You never get a glimpse of the "true" Napoleon, who was described as a highly intelligent and charismatic man. In fact, you never really feel ANYTHING about him except that he was a cringe red flag in front of his wife. He just stands there, stares and has very limited dialogue scenes to get a picture of that man. What are his overall motivations? Only Josephine? If so, why is this motivation only vaguely explored?

The whole love story between him and Josephine feels so unnatural and got to the brink of being disgusting. This is particularly sad because I deeply respect Vanessa Kirby and Joaquin Phoenix, they're both stunning actors. I don't know if they just couldn't fit the role or if it was rather a problem of the script (the last one is my guess). Yet whenever I saw Josephine and Napoleon on screen, I felt like acted very stiff and forced. Napoleon seemed more obsessed with her than actual love and that can be a character trait, but there wasn't a chance to explore that deeper. Before the movie entered the cinema, the lovestory between these two was marketed as intense, obsessive, deeper than you could imagine. What the audience got was a few scenes without real conversation, much staring and a bunch of cringeworthy s-scenes. And seriously, these "sexy" scene were the worst. I was so disgusted by them because they were SO DAMN WEIRD. There are no scenes that undermine ANY deep love between Josephine and Napoleon. It felt therefore so off, when they still longed for each other after their divorce.

And let's not start to ramble about the fact that they depicted Josephine ONLY in a somehow sexual way. Yeah, there is that scene where she says to Napoleon, that he is nothing without her. BUT SHOW, DON´T TELL! You never see her doing something instead of sitting there, talking with others or when the plot needs her to have sexy time with someone (not only Napoleon). As a woman myself this makes me so freaking furious, you have no idea. I don't need a marvel-coded super-strong woman with unlimited talents - I just need a female character that is written GOOD and plausible! Make me CARE for her plot and for the plot of Napoleon! Both of them don't even feel like normal human beings because they're like blank pieces of paper with their names written on it!

And don´t make me start to talk about the historical inaccuracies. At first I didn't want to draw that card. Actually, I don't need a historical movie to present 100% facts. If the movie is still enjoyable, it's okey. But even if many people say that the war scenes were awesome, I can only partly agree. Yeah, we have that cool ice-lake Austerlitz battle, but it took me a couple of minutes and a better look on the uniforms to know that Napoleon is now at war with Austria! You get nearly ZERO context to Napoleons battles. Yeah, nice, the scenes look cool - but there is nothing more to it? Is that all you need to show for the audience to care? For me at least, I just didn't care at all and I was very happy when I got out of the cinema. Overall this movie is full of messy non-sense choices that don't contribute to the story. Many moments just confused me and it left me with the question why Scott couldn't simply hire some historians to put together a consistent story. Everyone who read about Napoleons life knows that there are so much cinema worthy moments in his career that would've been so much better than what we now got.

I could ramble about that movie for hours if I´m honest, but I hope this little TED talk was enough to make my statement clear.

In the end, it just makes me sad. I wanted to like this movie, I wanted it to be good. For months I hyped myself up to this, read books about Napoleon, watched the trailer all over and over and talked with friends about how great this movie will be. Now I am just disappointed and frustrated. Oppenheimer was such a great biopic of a historical person that became a great success at the box office - even without great battle scenes. I hoped that Napoleon would push a cinema revolution, that shows people want big scaled films about historical personalities and history topics. But now I just want to forget this Napoleon movie to be honest.

[koolades-world]

The moment the om cast realized they were in love with you (part two)

Satan

Satan was unsure how to approach this situation. He was sure something was wrong. Mc had not been acting like themself. He and his brother usually spent every waking moment they could with him, but lately, they had made themself scarce. There was a new lock on their door, and since they had gone through the trouble to install one, nobody had the heart to go in anyways.

It started in the middle of the week, what seems like randomly. Solomon came over, helped them install the lock, and then left which was odd in itself. Usually he took every moment he could with them to steal time from the brothers. Then, they requested to swap to online school, like Levi, for the next two months.

When Lucifer questioned this, they claimed that human shedding season has started. They said it was when skin cells start producing excess skin cells to produce a new layer, kind of like a shedding animal. In order to avoid embarrassment and a large mess, they figured it would be best to do school from their room. When asked why Solomon was fine, they said it was because after a certain age, this cycle ceases and Solomon was long past that age. To the brothers, it made sense at first. Solomon seemed to understand the situation with no question. However, Satan began to notice inaccuracies in their story and quickly picked it apart not even after two weeks.

He didn’t see this alleged shedded skin anywhere. If they were shredding, surely these little hits would scatter everywhere. If anything, it seemed cleaner than usual. He knew they were moving throughout the house after everyone has gone to their room but there was still no mess in sight. He also noticed Mc always seemed tired. They had said this process was not draining or painful. If anything, they should he getting more sleep. They also seemed to be getting a weird amount of deliveries. And finally, he was pretty sure humans didn’t have this “shedding season”. He knew Solomon pretty well and had read lots of books about humans leading up to the exchange program. Not anywhere did books mention this, not in their biology section nor in the habits section. He figured Lucifer knew too, but asking him was not an option.

He was worried about them. He had grown to really like Mc and was kind of upset by not being able to see them on a daily basis. Seeing them smile stirred fuzzy feelings within, something he had never felt before. He had read multiple books but was unable to find an answer.

He was unsure how to approach them and ask what was actually wrong. Thankfully, this opportunity came to him. Late one night, he got up to get some tea after finishing one book in his series, and planned to move onto the next. When he got to the kitchen, he was surprised Beel wasn’t there. But, there was a mess, not one that any of his brothers would leave. The counter was covered in a powdery white substance he thought was baby formula and a small baby bottle sat out on the counter. He immediately jumped to the worst case scenario: Mc was taking care of a baby.

As he went to press his ear up to their door before knocking, he noticed the door wasn’t fully closed. It was locked but it was never pushed into place. Now that the door was open, he heard the rustling of sheets and blankets, and a soft mewing. Not wanting to wait any longer, he pushed open the door. Inside, was Mc, cradling a small kitten and holding a baby bottle identical to the one on the counter. They froze, but the kitten continue wiggling.

"Satan! What a surprise to see you here." They nervously laughed, knowing there was no getting out of this situation.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He shut the door behind him and sat on Mc's bed next to them to look better at the kitten. Behind them was a small cat carrier with two more kittens within. They were asleep by the looks of it.

"I didn't want to bother anyone. I knew Lucifer would make me get rid of them, but I don't think I could. I found them on my way back from RAD. I felt awful and I needed to take them home with me. This is Becca" The one Mc was holding was a black and white kitten, and looked no older than a few weeks. She peered up at Satan with formula on her face, giving her a beard of sorts. Mc wiped her face with a tissue and gave her a kiss on the head.

"Let me help. You need rest. I'll help you keep them hidden from Lucifer and my brothers." He laid one of his hands over theirs.

"You're really sweet, you know that? You of all people would know how time consuming this would be yet it's the first thing you said after I explained. You're nicer than most humans." They scooted closer to him. They held the kitten up to his ear and he heard a gentle purring. A small smile spread across their face.

It was at this moment he realized he was in love with them. Seeing them be so affectionate with what he considered one of the most defenseless and adorable creatures ever warmed his heart. He had never experienced this before. Nobody but them was willing to let someone like himself get to close to them, and be vulnerable. As they began explaining everything to him and cuddled him close, he felt himself slipping further into love with them.

Asmo

Asmo's day was going absolutely horrific. It all started that morning when he ran out of his favorite clay face mask. He thought he had another container, but it was nowhere to be found. He was forced to move on without it. Next, his hair curler broke. It let out a strange hissing sound before letting out a small puff of black smoke. He decided it would be best not to put it near his hair in order not to risk his beautiful face. He could get over that though. It gave him another excuse to go shopping.

When he went to the fridge to search for his coconut water, it turned out Beel had eaten the container whole. He knew that was to be expected but he had put his name on it and everything. Once he arrived to RAD, there was a pop quiz in both potions and seductive speechcraft. He was decent at both of those subjects, thankfully, but he had been hoping for a less eventful day in class. Now, there he was, crying in the bathroom. His makeup was running all over his face which ruined what he had worked so hard on that morning. During lunch, he had gotten into a fight with a lower demon who insisted he wasn't pretty and had scratched him across his face. He was with Mc and Mammon at the time. He knew after he had stepped back, Mammon probably beat the shit out of that demon, but that didn't make it hurt any less. He hoped Mc was okay.

He gazed at himself in the mirror. His eyes were red and his hair was plastered against his forehead thanks to the tears and running makeup. All his hard work, gone. A still bleeding, very ugly, and very large scratch ran from directly under his left eye to his chin. He had left his bag behind when he ran off, and couldn't fix how he looked without it. He broke out into a new wave of tears after seeing himself again.

He could hear footsteps outside the bathroom stall door. A pair of familiar shoes peaked out. "Asmo? Are you in there? Please let me in." He heard the voice of Mc.

"I don't want you to come in. I'm hideous." He stood with his back to the mirror and facing the door.

"I brought your bag because I knew you would want to fix yourself up. If you let me in, I'll help you. I can help you with the scratch too." His heart warmed a little at the fact the Mc remembered him so well. For a moment, he forgot about everything to think about how happy he felt around Mc.

"Do you promise not to make fun of me?" He sniffled and put his hand on the door knob. Somehow, if it was just Mc seeing him like this, he didn’t mind as much.

"I promise. I would never say anything mean about you. I think you're the most beautiful being in the three realms." Their words comforted him. With that, he opened the door. Mc launched themself at him and held him close in a hug. His pink bag was over their shoulder along with their own. They shut the door behind them. As they cupped his face with their hands, he avoided eye contact. he couldn't bring himself to look them in the eyes. After all, he had just disappeared and had no clue how long Mc had been searching for them. For once, he was ashamed of himself.

"Look at me. You look just fine. No matter what, you will always look pretty to me. You're beautiful inside and outside. There wasn't a moment where you didn't support me, and now it's my turn to support you. Every time I woke up with a bad hair day or thought an outfit of mine was awful, you lifted me back up. You helped fix my hair, you told me my outfit was cute, and most importantly, you are my closest friend here. Mammon is taking that scum to Lucifer who'll give him what he deserves. You are gorgeous." Their words enveloped him as much as their hug. They wiped his tears off his face and smiled at him.

"Thank you." They set down their bag on the floor and began searching for the things Asmo would need within his. After directing him to sit down, they began cleaning up his face, makeup and cut. After clipping up his hair, they thought for a moment before moving on to heal his cut with magic. His whole body felt warm, not just thanks to the healing magic. He was so touched by their actions, all to make him feel better. They brushed a thumb over where the cut was and felt that it was totally gone. Before they could continue, he pulled them into another hug. He had never felt this way about anyone except himself before. He immediately recognized this feeling as love. He was unsure about how to feel about it, but he decided to shelf that feeling for a while to enjoy the fuzzy feelings and the moment.

Beel

Today was another normal day. Beel has just finished that day’s Fangol practice, which he always looked forward to. As much as he liked Fangol, he and Mc always went out to get food together afterwards. On his Thursday practices, they had art club, so they would leave school at the same time. Thursdays were his favorite. Beel has selected a restaurant specifically to Mc’s taste. After showering in the locker room and grabbing his bag, he went to look for you. He found you chatting with the cheerleaders, who also had practices on Thursdays. He enjoyed getting to see Mc making friends with people he knew so well.

“Mc, are you ready to leave?” He approached the small group.

“Beel! Of course, give me one moment to grab my things. Bye everyone, see you next week. Remember to watch the TV show, so worth it, trust me.” They said their goodbyes to their cheerleader friends, and turned around to see that Beel already has their bag. “Oh, thank you. You’re the best.”

“Let’s go.” He grabbed their hand with his free hand and they left together. The cheerleaders could be heard giggling behind them.

“So, what are we getting?” Mc swung their arms between them with their connected hands. This always made him giddy.

“I found a new place that serves human world food. The exchange program made it popular.” He hoped this would make them happy. He liked seeing them in a good mood.

"That sounds delicious. While that's pretty broad, I'm hoping I can get some sushi to bring back for Belphie!" He was glad Mc cared for his younger brother just as much as he did, enough to think about bringing food for him even though they didn't have to. Thankfully, the restaurant wasn't too busy and they were seated quickly. People recognized Beel, which probably sent the restaurant staff into a panic, but the people around them were mostly excited. People also seemed to recognize Mc, and people actually came up to say hi to the two of them. It made him happy to see other people appreciate Mc just has much as he did.

Thankfully, the restaurant had all of Mc's favorite human world cuisines and before the meal was over they ordered Belphie's sushi. They sat at the table together, waiting for the takeout. A lower demon approached the pair. Beel sensed something was off about them.

"So you're the exchange student everyone has been raving about. You're just as gorgeous in person. It's a pleasure to meet you Mc." They kissed their hand. Mc nervously looked at Beel.

"Do I know you?" They snatched their hand back.

"No, but I know you. We're in potions together." A look of realization swept over Mc, followed by horror.

"You're that freak pride demon I stopped Mammon from killing." This demon just stood there, smiling. Beel, who was typically not very good at reading situations, quickly realized what he needed to do.

"You should leave." He got up and cracked his knuckles. The demon took a step back. The demon looked at Mc from around Beel, so Beel personally grabbed him by his collar and kicked him out of the restaurant. Nobody wanted to question the avatar of gluttony, so everything resumed as it was before.

"Are you okay?" Beel knelt next to Mc rather than taking his own chair again.

"Yes. Thank you. They tried to corner me in an empty classroom but before they could corral me in, Mammon found us and almost killed them. I made Mammon promise not to kill him or tell Lucifer, since I thought maybe it would be a one off thing. I was wrong." They threw their arms around Beel's neck. He hugged them back after recovering from the initial surprise. "Thank you so much."

Beel felt himself grow less hungry, and more happy. Hearing their relief and joy made him feel oddly satiated. He couldn't remember the last time he felt like this. He didn't know how to convey this feeling thought words, but the best he could do was hug them back tightly, but not too tightly. Feeling their face pressed against his was more than enough for him.

Belphie

There was one thing Belphie knew for sure besides hating Lucifer; he hated bath time. Not in the toddler way, but bath time meant cleaning his tail. He always neglected to clean it on a regular basis, so he was usually dragged to the bathroom kicking and screaming by Beel and Asmo. One to clean his tail and one to make sure he didn't run away. He can and will escape and trail soapy water all over the house. He thought it was too much work to really scrub his tail and clean all the matted fur, but he also thought Asmo was too rough with it. He had just gotten done with a shower, and had avoided washing his tail yet again. He hadn't even shifted into his demon form.

"Belphie, are you in there?" He heard a knock on the door and the voice of Mc.

"Yes." He hurriedly put on some pants as Mc swung open the door.

"I came to check on you." They sat next to Belphie and took the towel from his hands to begin toweling dry his hair. He sighed happily and leaned into the touch. "I also came to ask if you washing your tail and horns. Diavolo's party is tomorrow and it's better to do it now than right before when everyone will need the bathroom."

"You're buttering me up, aren't you?" He narrowed his eyes but didn't make an attempt to move.

"Does that mean you didn't?" They moved his hair away from his eyes so they could look at him directly. He averted his gaze. "If you're not going to wash it, I am."

"Do it then." He flopped over on their lap.

"You know I can't lift you. Come with me before I call Beel or Mammon. You know they'll just throw you into the water." He groaned but got up and followed Mc out of the room. He dramatically sat on the edge of the tub as Mc began to fill it up. "What happens if someone summons you and your tail is a big, matted mess?"

"That won't happen. The only person that I would let summon me is you." He found the words slipping out. Mc didn't seem to know how to respond, so they just muttered a surprised thank you.

"You don't have to get fully undressed if you don't want to. I just need to wash your tail and horns." Despite this, he took his pants back off since he didn't have much on to begin with, shifting into his demon form. Like they had said, he really didn't have to, but something in him wanted the most skin on skin contact he could get with his beloved Mc. He noticed Mc's demeanor change. They wouldn't look him in the eye and catching their hand made him realize it was clammy. He thought it was cute that they were nervous, and decided to tease them. He noticed their eyes following the cow like spots the cover the majority of his right side, and promptly looked away once they noticed the trail leading into his boxers. While they were checking to make sure the water was warm and placing his tail into the water, he pulled him into his lap, looking at them eye to eye.

"You wanted to clean me right? So, get cleaning." He looked at Mc deviously, enjoying their reddening face. He placed a washcloth in their hand so they could scrub his horns. He just looked at them until they eventually began to move. They cleaned each ridge carefully, following the spiral pattern. He basked in the attention, watching them carefully.

It was very therapeutic. It was miserable when anyone else did it, but he liked it when Mc did it. His horns didn't get nearly as dirty as his tail did, but the amount of effort and detail they put into cleaning them was sweet. It made him happy, in a way. They had this cute concentrated face. Their hands and wrists brushed against his face occasionally, which made him feel some kind of way that he just couldn't place. He became hyper aware of everyone their skin made contact. Damn you, Mc. Why did you have to wear shorts? Their thighs were pressed against his. He tried really hard to convince himself he hated humans, and what he was feeling wasn't him falling in love, but this was the nail in the coffin. He was down bad. He placed his hands on their back and pulled them in closer. When they were finished cleaning his horns, the gaze exchanged was electric, charged with lots of unspoken emotions.

It got better when they went to wash his tail. They pressed their whole body against his to reach his tail since he poutly refused to let them go. They scrubbed it just enough to get the dirty free but gentle enough to keep the feeling pleasant. He liked getting to rest his head on top of theirs. He was definitely in love with them. Maybe he would have to get out in his demon form more.

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@mona-aiko

[raining-dreams]

Best Underrated Shows

Saving Me 

Saving Me is about a lonely old guy who invents a time machine so he can go back to his child self and fix all his past mistakes. I learned about this show from this video titled Watch THIS instead of Hailey's On It by M!n!mal M!ss Art. Despite this video, I was still very excited to watch Hailey's On It. It seemed like a story with a cool premise and cute art style (and ultimately I do really like the show) But Hailey's On It wasn't gonna be out for weeks when I came across this video and this video really sold me on giving Saving Me a try. I never would have even heard of this show without that youtube video which would have been a real shame because Saving Me is fantastic! I hope this show reaches more people and I'm dying for a season 3!!!!!

House of Anubis

Mystery is my favorite genre and House of Anubis is chuck full of it. I used to be obsessed with this show back in high school. I had so much fun coming up with theories and live-blogging my thoughts and opinions about each new episode. Some of the acting & dialogue could be a little cringe sometimes but the story is just so good that it doesn't matter. I've heard that Het Huis Anubis (the Dutch version of the show that House of Anubis is based on) is even better, though I haven't gotten around to watching it yet.

Over the Garden Wall

Those of us who have seen Over the Garden Wall seem to agree that this show is amazing! Which makes it feel a little weird to call it underrated. But it seems like so few people have actually seen it. Maybe because it was a mini series, it couldn't reach the same level of popularity as other shows of similar quality. If you like Gravity Falls, you'll likely enjoy Over the Garden Wall as well. (Wirt is even voiced by the same guy who voiced Dipper!) I would highly recommend anyone that hasn't seen it already.

Dead End: Paranormal Park

I feel like it's pretty rare for animated series to exist in the horror genre for some reason. It truly is an untapped market. But if you love horror and animation, Dead End is the show for you! (Of course it's kid friendly horror since the target audience is children) The two main characters, Barney and Norma get jobs at a haunted park and work together to fight ghosts and demons. Dead End has a super cute animation style, in my opinion, and a very diverse set of characters. I encourage everyone to watch it!

Just Add Magic

Just Add Magic is based on a children's book by the same name. It's a show about three girls who love to cook and basically discover that they can use cooking to do magic. It's a pretty interesting take on how magic works in their universe. It's very fun to watch. All of the actors are also so talented! And one of those actors is Zach Callison (the voice of Steven Universe)!

The friendship between the trio is awe-inspiring! They have so much chemistry. It's a pretty fun watch.

The Last Kids On Earth

Based on a comic of the same name, this show is about a group of kids who have to survive on their own when a zombie apocalypse breaks out. And other various creatures start to threaten them (or even become their allies) It's basically a cute found family story. The premise is pretty simplistic but that's what I love about it. The animation style of The Last Kids On Earth is so beautiful as well!

I'm still waiting for a season 3!!!!!

Code Lyoko

I remember as a kid being aware of this show and thinking it looked kind of interesting (and I always loved the theme song!!) but I never ended up watching it back then because I let peer pressure get the better of me. I remember I met someone who brought up how much they loved the show. When I heard them express that interest, I was at first excited to ask them more but before I had the chance, everyone else started making fun of him for liking Code Lyoko.

I guess it was like the nerd show or something? I don't really know why it was considered cringe to like Code Lyoko but upon seeing my peers act this way, I decided I can't like Code Lyoko if I want to fit in. So, I avoided watching it. But earlier this year, when I was flipping through channels, they were showing old episodes of Code Lyoko! I was intrigued since I remembered it from childhood and thought I'd actually give it a chance this time. And it's actually a pretty good show! It can be slow at times but overall I enjoy it.

If you're like me and avoided watching this back then due to peer pressure, I highly recommend leaving that in the past and just letting yourself enjoy this show!!

Slugterra

Slugterra is honestly pretty similar to Pokemon, except it's slugs! And the entire series takes place underground. Basically, there's a whole underground world called Slugterra, home to slugs, trolls, moles, etc. And all the slugs have cool powers so the people collect & befriend slugs so they can use them as weapons ("slugslinging"). If you like Pokemon, you're sure to like Slugterra!

Detentionaire

I discovered Detentionaire randomly while I was searching through Amazon's library of cartoons. I was looking for a new show to watch and just stumbled upon this one. It looked pretty interesting and I was surprised to see it was a show from 2011. I don't know how I missed this show back then. Idk if maybe it only aired in Canada or something? (cuz it's a Canadian show) But anyways, Detentionaire is such an intriguing show where the main character, Lee, discovers some grand conspiracy and has to try to expose it to prove his innocence so he can get out of detention. It's such an interesting concept. And, as I mentioned earlier, mystery is my favor genre, so I had a lot of fun with this one.

The only problem though is, of course, it ends on a cliffhanger. The show got canceled before they had the chance to conclude the story in a satisfying way (or any type of way) so watch at your own risk.

Catscratch

I honestly don't even remember what this show was about but I do remember enjoying this show and being excited when I saw a new episode was out. I remember thinking it was so funny. I just don't think enough people know about this show.

[ifuckinglovedinosaurssomuchjesus]

On the subject of Dinosaur Documentaries...

So Life On Our Planet dropped a few days ago, another installment of this seeming boom of these kind of shows since Prehistoric Planet last year, and it got me thinking about this whole little niche genre.

The very first "Paleodoc" was released in 1922, made by the Carnegie Museum of Natural History to educate museum goers on how the fossils they saw were collected and prepared. This began the format I like to call the "Talking Heads" Paleodoc which is mainly in the form of interviews or narration over actual footage of Paleontologists at work with the occasional "Live" Dinosaur for visual aid. These are by far the most common form of dinosaur documentary you'll find, even today, mainly because they're cheap to produce and fit in the general style of most science documentaries.

For many decades throughout the 20th century, Paleodocs were pretty rare. They would pop up time to time, and with the sudden influx of attention they got after Jurassic Park, we got some really good ones. Yet they were all the same Talking Head types. What really changed the game was the good ol Magnum Opus of the field: Walking With Dinosaurs.

WWD pioneered the second type of Paleodoc I believe to exist, which are the "In Their World" Paleodocs. These are different in the fact they focus almost entirely on the live visual aids, with the human presence being limited to narration or brief pauses for context. They're meant to simulate the modern nature documentary, like Planet Earth, that focus more on showcasing animal behavior with state of the art filming techniques than being a source of in-depth science.

The success of WWD cannot be overstated, and I have to say I do find the In Their World format a lot more engaging and easier to connect with. They portray the wonder of prehistory spectacularly, letting audiences get emotionally connected in the animal characters the story creates, even if this has lead to criticisms of anthropomorphism. These programs also almost always use real footage of modern day earth for their prehistoric creatures to roam on, which I'm sure is very sad for the people who want to see their favorite dead plants on screen.

The Walking With... series would expand into sequels and spin-offs and Nigel Marven, and other companies like Discovery would jump on the bandwagon and release their own takes on the concept, but by the mid 2010s the format had basically died out. We'd get one or In Their World style doc every few years until we just didn't get anything. Outside of the occasional TV special that reused When Dinosaurs Roamed America footage, it was empty.

It took until Disney's Live Action remake of The Lion King of all things for that pendulum to start swinging again. Seeing those expressionless CGI cats got Jon Favreau thinking about how he could use this technology and the talented people behind it to make something really cool, and we got Prehistoric Planet.

And, in a repeat of Walking With Dinosaurs, we're seeing more of these In Their World type shows. The original guys behind WWD are even making a comeback with their own series, Surviving Earth. Plus even more little hints and rumors of massive incoming projects from overexcited paleontologists trying not to break their embargo.

It looks like the 2020s will be another resurgence in these types of spectacle Paleodocs, and while a good ol Talking Head will always be there, I can't help but get excited for these animated spectacles and all the weird and wonderful ways they flash those visual aids across our TV screens.