#like when im eating normally not while restricting

[transexualbutchfagdyke]

turns out my normal daily caloric intake is like. 800-1k

[rosedom]

I can't go off-anon because,,, sideblog ;^; but its aureramphibian hi hello non-anonymous because I'm YOUR problem now. Suffer :)

My brain is about 90% thoughts of Pretty Fictional Men and about 50% of the time, it's specifically either Tighnari, Cyno, Kaveh, or Gaming and I feel like you would appreciate this Gaming thought, so,, here! Have! :D

im a huge sucker for secret relationships idk why but having a secret relationship with Gaming, not because either of you are embarrassed but like- it's still new, and he does NOT want to have to introduce you to his whole extended family because if one of his aunties saw y'all together and couldn't keep quiet about it- oof. He's already having nightmares about the amount of calls he'd get from relatives begging him to meet you if that were to happen. So to avoid that, he suggests you keep it secret for privacy :D And it works! But also sucks because he's so busy and his family likes to do the whole... surprise drop-in thing. So to avoid any Awkward Circumstances y'all are essentially restricted to your place. And this was literally all just background lead-up that doesn't really matter but ANYWAYS

Can you imagine him being so pent up, not because he hasn't seen you but because he HAS, he's seen you practically every day and it's killing him because it's always in public and you're both trying to be careful? He hasn't touched you in ages, he hasn't had you touch him in ages and it wears on him so much he actually turns down an extra job (something he NEVER does) to make sure he has time to go see you ;-; Sweet little lion ;-; (absolutely stealing that nickname for him from you unashamedly. you were right about it. If it ain't broke, don't fix it)

But god, he'd be accidentally teasing himself too!! Not even doing anything, just that it's been so long since he's seen you and he's So Goddamn Pent Up that he keeps thinking about you,,, your hands,,,,,, your body,,,,,,, how well you kiss him, touch him, fuck him,,,,,,,,, and he realizes he's not only almost to your house, but he's hard and achy, AND he's soaked through his boxers :( poor baby :(

When he finally makes it to your house you bet your sweet ass he's immediately kissing you, grabbing you, so much more uncoordinated than how he usually is that even without how he's literally whining into the kiss, you'd be able to tell he's needy. He just wants you so badly :(((( Wouldn't even care how, just needs you Right Fucking Now and however you want that to be he's already pliant and willing under your hands, slowly blinking at you with those beautiful eyes of his already hazy- Hell, he'd be happy if you shove your hand down his pants right here against the wall, fill him with your fingers and play with his cock, already sticky from having to walk all the way here in soaked boxers. Make sure you kiss him while you do, though, he'd be a little loud :( He really can't help it though! Poor baby's just missed you so much, finally having you all over him like this is turning his brain to mush :(

Anyways hope you enjoy >:] love u Rosey, mwah

I ENJOYED THIS SO MUCH !! i am so sorry for such a late reply omg ,,, i had been thinking about this so so much but never got down to actually thinking up a post LOL

literally anything tighnari cyno kaveh ga-ming i will readily eat up (and eat you out for) . . . pls spam me. i think this is one of if not the hottest imagine i have ever received.

so SEE, NORMALLY, secret relationships aren't my thing ,, but oh my fcking god, ur idea? i love u. i love u so much. "it doesn't really matter," u say, then drop the absolute best lore ever. kiss me.

THE TENSIONNNNN mmmm he's already so needy, even when it's not a secret dating scenario, so to be restricted like this . . . thank god his t-dick can't cause a noticeable boner through his already thick and draping pants, 'cos if so, he'd be absolutely fucked (wishing he got fucked fr) (⁠ ⁠；⁠∀⁠；⁠)

the side glances in public, the sweet smiles you give each other in those short seconds where nobody is looking . . . it gives him butterflies, makes his skin burn where your hand will brush his in passing, but it's also not enough—not nearly enough !! poor baby, havin' to touch himself to the thought of you when you're right there. it's different like this than before you two dated 'cos then he didn't know he could have you; but like this, when you've already loved him, fucked him, claimed him, how is he supposed to live without it? and his own hand—clumsy, never as good as your own fingers or, god, your cock—can only go so far.

sweet baby, sweet little lion, all hard n' wet because of you . . . pls steal the nickname idec i love pet names !!!

he'd turn down the new mission, the possibility of that extra mora, saying to himself he just wants to spend time with you—not anything else, nothing indecent, nothing of the sort !—except he's halfway to your house, and here he is, achy between his thighs and halfway in a trance because thinking about you has him thinking about your body, has him thinking about your hands, your hands on him, in him, and his cunt is just so empty, now, weakly clenching around nothing as he's lost in a daydream about you.

the idea of ga-ming bumbling through liyue all quiet, all serious looking, when he's normally so bubbly, loud—i want to have the mind to wonder what the folks on the street would say, but i also just. don't care. this is about ga-ming ! not them !!

and then he's at your door, barely giving you the chance to welcome him in and greet him before he's on you, clutching desperately at any part of you that he can reach and kissing you all sloppy. he's so so needy, and so so wet, and he's parting from your lips to look up at you so docile yet so fucking aroused, eyes blown wide and hazy . . . :( he deserves your touch after so long starved of it.

he'd keep going in for kiss after kiss, and he'd be whining so prettily, soft and breathy and high in his throat. i love him so much. pls ,, all of this happening not even two steps from the door . . . he just needs you so bad !!

slipping your hand down his pants between kisses, during kisses, hearing his moans tumble out of him only to be swallowed up by you immediately . . . just the thought of how fucking soaked ga-ming would be is so mmmmm; your fingers would slip inside oh-so easily, his cunt fluttering and welcoming one, two, three fingers in as your palm is left to grind against his cock rjjfhfkr

and you're kissing him as you do it all, keeping him quiet and pinned tight between you and the wall. 'cos he'd be so desperate for you, but you're just as desperate for him <333

be my problem. please. pls. i love you. i love this. this was so (⁠♡⁠ω⁠♡⁠ ⁠)⁠ ⁠~⁠♪ !!!!!

[kiwibombom]

soo i actually tried to eat somewhat normally today, still tracked but i ate what my mom cooked and ate when i was hungry/stopped when i was full.

around 7-800 cals total…😭😭 but lowk it was so worth it, like i felt so much better and i missed my moms cooking. no binging urges either. too bad I can’t do this everyday but i deff recommend it, even if it’s just once in a while !!

being too restrictive can lead to binges later on (for most) anddd I learned that the hard way😇 so from now on im gonna listen to my hunger cues better cos I get full surprisingly fast!

[polyamorouspunk]

OK so I always said I was a pretty monogomous person, if my partner wanted to be with other ppl thats ok (relationship anarchy just isnt for me) but i could date just one person at a time and my partner would need to respect that. HOWEVER, the other day at a show 3 of besties who i love so much kissed me and im not sure anymore lol. I feel like having multiple partners would be amazing cause i love everyone sooooo much and dating one person feels kind of restricting? i guess, but idk if catholic guilt is stopping me or if i genuinely dont want multiple partners. What is it like (from a feelings standpoint) to be polyamorous?? Sorry if this is too long or you dont want to answer, i just want to know better cause im reevaluating my life a little:)

I grew up always having more than one crush on someone. Being told “you can only have a crush on one person” was confusing to me. I dated people through high school while being in love with someone else and having a hard time within myself warring with being in love with my various boyfriends over the years and the guy I grew up being in love with. I had a crush on this girl and it was eating me up alive and I finally confessed to my friend how I felt about this girl and she told me that I was “cheating on my boyfriend” by having a crush on another girl. When I finally realized that I was in fact polyamorous I beat myself up for weeks before finally coming clean to my partner at the time, worried they were going to break up with me. And once I did finally admit to myself I was polyam, the idea of my partner, who was my FP, dating or seeing someone else was soul-crushing, and I didn’t want them to.

But yes. I’m better now. I’m happy that I’m in a place where I can take lewds of myself in glasses my gf got me to send to other people. I’m happy I can sext multiple people on here and have different levels of interaction sexually with each person. I have someone I’m batshit insane over I can gush to my girlfriend about.

There are goods and bads. I’m still working on my own “societal catholic guilt” on my online sexuality. Basically just keeping on working on myself to normalize things to myself, like I did with polyamory.

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

i’ve been fully in recovery for about 4 and a half months now, and i’m only just now starting to gain a little bit of weight back after continuing to lose during recovery. i’m including this information for a sort of scale for what i’m about to say.

in the last few weeks, i’ve lost my appetite and have gotten really nauseous whenever i eat, which i suspect is the result of some undiagnosed (and unrelated to the ED) health problems that i’m not able to go to a doctor about at the moment. i’ve been hungrier more often and for the first time in a long time, it’s starting to feel good again, even though i’ve been doing so much better for a while. i’m terrified of slipping up without thinking about it and i desperately don’t want to fall back into that awful hole again, but im so scared that my lack of appetite is going to ruin everything and i’ll lose everything.

i don’t even really know my goal with sending this in. i think i want advice, or maybe just somewhere to put this where i can get a response but wont have the people around me stop trusting me with my own health again. im just really scared

Hello anon, I'm sorry to hear you're encountering this complication. You could be right that this is a physical complication from having been starved for so long (and I do advise that you see a medical professional as soon as you are able to do so.)

Do you notice this nausea around eating very specific foods? It could be that your body has developed an intolerance for certain foods, or a difficulty digesting them.

If this nausea is arising in response to every food, I recommend you stock up on things like ginger and peppermint tea, which can ease your stomach and aid in digestion. Then you can work on getting food down and settle your stomach. Try not to move around too much during and immediately after eating. After restriction, it is normal for your body to lack the energy needed for the normal digestive process, so relaxing and staying still may help somewhat ease your symptoms, as your body can focus all its limited energy on digesting what you've given it.

Try to eat small snacks between meals to keep your energy levels up and your stomach accustomed to having things in it. Things like nuts and berries can be good. Anything that's easy to digest and keeps basic energy going to your body.

Do deep breathing exercises and perhaps recite a calming mantra in order to ease any potential psychological portion of your symptoms, but do keep an eye on your physical symptoms. Refeeding syndrome is no joke. Log them down, as well as what you ate preceding the nausea, for when you eventually are able to get to the doctor.

And finally, in between meals, it sounds like you could benefit from taking time to remind yourself to be gentle with yourself during this difficult time. Remind yourself that you are well motivated not to lose your progress, that you have a support system, that you are going to take the time to figure this out, that recovery is not linear. Remind yourself that it is okay to be anxious, and that you will work through this. I hope you're able to get through this part of recovery, anon!

[moodr1ng]

(triggering ed thoughts under the cut)

when im in an Alright ed period for a while (like, might be doing emotional eating but no bingeing or intentional restriction mostly just a regular bad diet lol) i sometimes get like. these random thoughts of "i wanna go back to my ed, i want the focus and stimulation of ed thoughts, i want to go back to controlling and restricting and enjoying it" and im afraid this will follow me for the rest of my life tbh. like. even when i seem to be doing.. not necessarily great bc lets be real my relationship to food is FUCKED, like the only time in recent memory i have eaten normally for any period of time was the 4 days last week i was staying with friends and they graciously cooked meals for us and didnt ask me to help at all which i truly appreciate as much as i also feel guilty about being burdensome to my friends lol, but aside from that brief moment of normalcy i am never good about food and i cant remember a time i was.. but rn i am like. as normal as i get like. its mostly takeout and convenience store sandwiches and canned foods eaten straight out of the can but its not disordered eating its just a shit diet brought on by extreme depression + adhd which paralyzes me from taking the steps to make proper meals for myself. but its not like, the worst, yknow? and while im like this i keep having these thoughts that i liked myself better while actively in the eating disorder. and ik its gonna come back, it always does, there will inevitably be a time i will download like, fasting apps and calorie counting apps and start trying to eat as little as possible and weighing myself every day. ik its gonna come back. but the sick thing is that i want it to. because when i have that control and focus and that framework on my life and that sensation of achieving something and working towards something i just like myself better. thats the ugly truth. i just like myself better when im eating disordered. and its hard to convince myself not to go back to it, to try to tell myself that its not actually good for me, because it feels good. and when i lose weight from it everyone else tells me its good. so. idk. ik this is not an isolated experience bc ive been in like, ed spaces like discords and subreddits enough but i still feel alone with it bc those spaces are very impersonal, so if youve felt the same way feel free to say hi or whatever (no pressure to! ik its a very private thing)

[with-love-from-hell]

To be Proud

Pairing: Lucifer x Storm

Written for my Mc (Storm, she/her)

Cw: perfectionism, OCD, mention of eating disorder (restricting), low self-esteem, negative self-talk, swearing, not proof read at all and I wrote this on mobile so probably lots of grammar errors

A/n: im in my feelings tonight, yall. This needed to come out based off a chat in which Lucifer that i got tonight where he said he's proud of you and it shot me in the heart and I cried for like an hour so enjoy this very self-indulgent ficlet that comes from a very wounded place.

"...to say the very least, the human exchange student is outperforming many others in my class this semester, even beating out both Asmodeus and Leviathan in terms of marks."

The professor tapped his pen on his desk as Lucifer reviewed Storm's work from the first half of the winter quarter. Her first two quarters in devildom were outstanding, so Lucifer was surprised when he found out she was receiving lower marks in applied potions when she normally got all As in her classes. Whats more, Storm was running herself into the ground studying day in and day out to try to improve the grade, only to break down when she only managed to move her class GPA up .03%. He was more concerned about her wellbeing than the damned grade, but she wouldn't even spare a moment to talk with him about it. The perfectionism he saw within her was all too familiar to him, though. So he let her be until he found out she was skipping meals again- a trait that would rear its ugly head during extreme stress, or when she was feeling poorly about her body- but usually both occurred in tandem.

"I appreciate your words of approval for the exchange program and for Storm, but why call me in here if only to give accolade?" Lucifer raised an eyebrow, not seeing the logic the professor was making.

The professor sighed, leaning forward. "Lucifer, my expectations of the human were very low when she entered my class. I've had demons who've retaken this class upwards of 5 times. This class is difficult for even an intelligent demon, and you did not disappoint me by referring Miss Storm to this course. She's a wonderful student, and very quick to pick up on things, and it shows in her work."

Lucifer crossed his arms, irritated that the professor seemed to be dancing around the point. "If her grade is not indicative of failure, what seems to be the problem?"

The professor leaned back in his chair. "The problem is the way she is interpreting my scoring. It appears as if she is used to a normal A-F grading scale, which I don't blame her for. But my class is rated a bit differently, where 75% or more correct on an exam is seen as an 'A", and anything below 45% is failing. This course is rigorous, and I adjust my grading to account for that. Her getting 70% on the last exam put her in the range of a 'B', not close to failing like she thinks."

"So...it is the way in which she interprets the grades..." Lucifer nodded, understanding what he has now meant. "And she will not be aware of a letter until transcripts are distributed."

"Precisely." The professor stood, pacing in front of the black board. "And I worry for health due to this striving for perfection, which is not possible in my class despite how well she is doing. Just yesterday she nearly collapsed while standing up to hand in an assignment."

Lucifer nodded. "I have been aware of this and have been trying to find a way to approach her, but that is indeed alarming. Thank you for telling me."

"I called you here because I need you to relay this information to her for me." The professor sighed, dusting off some remaining chalk from the corner of the board. "I fear she thinks I think ill of her, which is why she refused my invitation to meet with me herself."

Lucifer stood, extending his hand toward the professor. "I will make her aware, and do my best to ensure her health is prioritized."

The professor shook his hand firmly. "Please tell her to take the next day or two to rest. I will excuse her from those assignments, she needn't worry about them."

Lucifer thanked the professor and hurriedly left RAD to return home. He kicked himself for not forcing confrontation earlier, but he knew how sensitive she was to direct conflict, even if she would be better for it. On the way home, he stopped to pick up some bufo egg soup- one of Storm's favorite dishes in the Devildom, and then continued on his path home. Once there, he immediately went to her room, silencing all of his brothers bombarding him with complaints along the way with promises of severe punishment should they not remain quiet the remainder of the evening.

"Storm?" Lucifer knocked delicately on her door, carefuk not to make too loud of a sound to startle her. Behind her door, he could hear soft indie music playing, and could see the flickering of candle light underneath her door. When she didn't respond to a few attempts at getting her attention, Lucifer allowed himself entry, closing the door silently behind him.

The room was dark spare for a few candles and incense burning, their flames casting intricate shadows on the wall. Storm lay on her bed, body trembling with her back facing him. She was awake, and knew he had entered her room, for the moment he called to her, she pulled a blanket up to cover her face.

Lucifer set the bag of food on her desk and removed his shoes and coat. Carefully, he slid underneath the covers next to her, wrapping his arms around Storm's midsection. He felt her body tighten for a moment, before an intense release of woe that she appeared to have been holding in. Her sobs were violent and intense as she curled in on herself.

Lucifer pulled her tighter against him, tracing his thumb over her belly as she cried. He hushed her, reminding her that he was here to support and care for her, so long as she would allow him to be. Featherlite kisses were trailed against her exposed shoulder and neck between the words of reassurance, reminding Storm that he loved and cherished her so much despite the intense emotion she was feeling.

After what felt like hours, Storm finally calmed down enough to turn her attention to him, but refused to look into his eyes. Lucifer kissed away the lingering tears that rolled down her cheeks before speaking, ensuring that all his attention was on her.

"Storm, darling. What has you so upset?" He cooed, rubbing her shoulders gently.

"Applied potions..." she murmured quietly, her voice unstable. "I just can't seem to do anything in that class right. I try so fucking hard, but no matter how hard or how long I study, I always seem to..."

Her voice trailed off as her lip began to tremble, more tears falling down her cheeks. She rolled onto her back, trying not to let Lucifer see how broken she felt.

"My love, there's no need to beat yourself up over what is actually a decent grade." Lucifer reached for her hand. "You are not a failure just because you can't get 101% in this class."

Storm snatched her hand away, hugging herself tightly. Her volume increased, though the stability of her voice continued to waiver. "Yes! Yes it does! I like to think im smart, but this proves that I'm really not. Maybe I've just somehow convinced people that I am by getting lucky enough, but-"

"Storm." Lucifer sat up, pressing a hand firmly to her shoulder. "None of what you just said reflects the truth."

Storm shrugged, hugging herself tighter. "You're so intelligent, elegant, and just...perfect...Why do you even want to be with me? What is there to like about some stupid, worthless human? How...how can I compare next to you?"

Lucifer felt his heart sink as storm burst into another fit of sobs. He knew she had low self esteem when he had asked her to be his mate, but he didn't consider she felt this poorly about herself.

He swiftly adjusted himself so he could lift her into his lap, hugging her tightly and cradling her head against his neck. He hushed her as she cried, feeling the weight of her tears hang heavy in the air. He rubbed her back gently, trying to come up with the words to say to ease her hurt.

"Storm..." Lucifer pulled away slightly, trying to look into her eyes. "From my perspective, you are the one who is perfect. I see a lot of myself in you, thats true. But you're worth isn't dependant on how well you can mimic my strengths. You have your own- some that I can hardly stand to compete with."

"Like what?" Storm mumbled into his chest, unconvinced by his words.

Lucifer cupped her cheek in his palm, turning her head up to face him. "Well, for starters, you are undoubtedly the kindest individual I have ever known, and your bravery is comparable to those in heroic novels."

Storm tried to look away, but Lucifer tugged her cheek back to place. "Second, I have never seen anyone more beautiful in my entire life. You may not be able to see it within yourself, but my heart skips a beat every time I look at you- from your ocean eyes, to your firelit hair, to the curve of your hips where my hand fits perfectly..."

Storm felt her face heat up as Lucifer's fingers trailed each of the listed physical attributes he enjoyed about her. Eventually, he stopped at her hand, curling his fingers over hers and holding it against his chest.

"Aside from the list that could go on, should it be warranted for me to, the most important thing is how I feel about you. If you were truly worth nothing, do you think you would make my heart feel so heavy when you're burdened with sorrow? Or make it skip rapidly when you're excited about something? Or make it burn hotter than the flames of the deepest layer of hell when you're not by my side?"

Lucifer tilted her chin up to his, pausing his lips so they grazed against her. "No matter how many lifetimes we span, three facts will remain true. One, is that I love you- with my entire mind, body, and soul."

He paused, kissing her tenderly. He pulled away slightly, just so his lips grazed hers again. "Two, is that you mean more to me than you will ever know, and getting less than 100% on a stupid test won't change that."

He placed a quick peck on her lips, ready to get to what he was most eager to relay to her. "Three, is that I already am so, so proud of you. You don't need to do anything other than be who you are to earn that."

Storm felt tears well up in her eyes as he placed another tender kiss on her lips. After pulling away, she nearly tackled him off the bed in a tight hug, crying into the crook of his neck. This time, though, it didn't feel like tears of woe...it was more like tears of gratitude and deep admiration.

"T-thank you, Lu." She stammered into his collar, sniffling back more tears. "I love you... so much."

Lucifer kissed the top of her head, running his hand delicately through her hair. "And I you. Always."

[wulvert]

THE QUESTIONS (sory they r all paperteeth. if u want tho u can relate them 2 triptrack 2,,,):

-is avery a "five-in-one mens body wash" user. she gives the vibes 4 some reason,,,mayb scarlet wil finaly convince her 2 use regular shampoo n conditioner

-do full moons have any impact on vampires like they do werewolves, like increased bloodthirst?

-possible spoiler territory!! avoid answering this one if u gotta!! were trisha nd her sister close with their mom before she left 4 america,,,was their mom like. just as bad as their father is?

-this one also might be spoiler territory so feel free 2 toss this one 2,,,why does avery live in an (shabby?? restrictive nd bleak??) apartment? in my fanfiction writing i related it back 2 like. avery having a concerning amount of. self hatred i guess? and refusing to have anything nice for herself bc she feels she doesnt deserve it. nd she just feels like she doesnt need anything more. but im curious if theres like,,,an actual canon reason behind it since we've seen that scarlet can like. afford a pretty nice house with the vampire hunter pay (assuming she gets paid either the same amount as avery or less)

-um. anyways a lighter question: do u have any heights 4 the paperteeth cast,,,if theres no concrete numbers a "who's taller than who' woudl still be pretty cool :]

-ND FINALLY THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION,,,IF SCARLET AND AVERY COMPARED HAND SIZES (VITAL SAPPHIC EXPERIENCE) WHOSE HAND WOULD B SMALLER,,,🏳️‍🌈

HI

probably yeah. she does wash thoroughly, she smells nice but just also probably of 5 in one. scarlet probably smells rly strongly of like vanilla perfume or something.

i wouldnt say so! theyre different curses from different times so i dont think there'd be much overlap

towards fish yeah, to other ppl no. their dad is more terrible to other people than his own family- aside from trisha who its a little sus. (ig its like, no u shouldnt move out, live with ur parents the rest of ur life bc what if u eat everyone, we have a basement. ( he could finance suitable housing 4 trisha with pocket money if he wanted to, he's obscenely rich- which its not like he wants her to finance that on her own, trisha is financially completely reliant on her family bc they dont think she should have a job & she's been like this since her tweens so she's pretty conditioned into listening to them- but she could probably handle a job fine she's very good at keeping composure. she was pretty stressed at tht bbq but she didnt even mildly turn. sorry if i explained this badly- her parents have pretty much just raised her to be terrified of herself, she rarely goes outside on her own unless its for annual bbq prep))

so while fish despairs at being doomed to live in her childhood bedroom the rest of her life, the rest of his family think he's pretty normal and fine- ppl outside his family r the ppl who get got by him.

ig rly rly mild spoilers

avery probably could afford a nicer apartment (her apartment isnt that bad structurally, its just undecorated and ugly because she has no idea what she's doing and doesnt have a life outside of her job. like at all. whatsoever. & yeah averys a sopping wet creature she absolutely hates herself) but she doesn't see the point. she saves a lot, & when she buys stuff she buys stuff that'll last a long time so usually a little more expensive. she doesnt want to buy a house bc she doesnt want to deal with selling a house. imagine being able to afford a house. vampire hunters usually get paid rly well- they get paid per pair of fangs they turn in (vampires leave them behind when they die lol i forgot to mention that) so avery being pretty skilled gets paid pretty well- kelly being pretty shit doesnt get paid much (avery gives him some of the fangs she gets) scarlet used to be decent so she also got paid well but now she just. turns her own fangs in all the time and that's gathering a lot of money. for her projects. and she bought a funny little house with no upstairs but a downstairs that looks like an upstairs. so. ig scarlets the richest of the three rn bc of her little infinite money hack- avery could do it too but she doesnt rly wanna rip her teeth out all the time, and she hasnt quit killing vampires so whats the point.

so kinda- i figure averys 5'4 ish, and kellys an itty bit taller, then i figured scarlets maybe 5'8 but then. i put them in this height comparision thingy and. it says scarlets 6'2 which was NOT my intention, but when u look how much taller she is in the comic. like. damn maybe??? i wouldnt take that as 100% canon tho bc the way i draw proportions is obvs different to this chart

accident. oh well. trisha might be a bit smaller idk.

and i made one of these for triptrack last year, cant say how accurate it is tho but here

toad is probably 210 cm but slouches

anyway averys hands are probably smaller unless you count the knives at the ends of her fingers but you probably shouldnt

[mostlycoke]

Updates,, tw ed etc...

So its been a while since I posted again and i've had kind of a horrible revelation. I remember I was in the 5th grade when i first started restricting. Then I stopped, and then started again in middle school aand stopped again. Then I got really fat like my bmi was 28 or something.. And this time restricting I don't know if im gonna get through this alive. I don't want to stop, and ik im not even near underweight yet but I love how it feels. I feel like im better than every normal person because I restrict and puke out every slip up. I want to keep going not even to look nice anymore, but out of spite.

One of my first memories I can recall is of my mom telling me that if I keep eating too much pudding I'll be so fat that when I go to preschool everyone will laugh at me and all my clothes will tear apart. My grandmother started weighing me daily when I was like 5yrs old, and would constantly nag me about eating less and walking more. When I met my dad for the first time in 4 years the only thing I remember was when he was giving me some medicine for a headache I think, and he asked how much I weigh to give me the correct dosage. So I answered 40kg, and he said "oh so youre that big". And just a few years ago my sister burst into my room while I was chanching my shirt and said " wow mostlycoke should really go on a diet " and after that proceeded to show me her flat stomach and say "I don't need a diet because my ribs are visible". She was like 7 years old but that really stuck with me. I don't want to hurt her, but I do in a way. I want everyone to feel bad for the little silly jokes and comments they made about my weight. I want people to worry about me. I want people to find me interesting. I have nothing going on other than starving. I want to feel like I matter. I want my boyfriend to worry about me. I want my mom to beg me to eat. I want somebody to give a fuck about me. And I fucking hope it kills me this time.

[umflowers]

i have a question in regards to this post what happed w kvyat and jev? also whos jev (sorry im new to the f1 fandom)

no need to apologize nonnie, and welcome to the fandom c: major trigger warnings for a suicide mention and disordered eating ahead one of my mutuals, beth, who i recommend anyone interested in f1 history and lore follow, just provided more insight than i was able to about what happened to kvyat here 🖤 in essence, rbr rode him so hard on performance he started coming apart publicly and will buxton said he was on "shoelace watch" and everyone was just glad to see he showed up to the track the next morning.

jev is jean-eric vergne; he currently drives in fe. in 2014, while driving for toro rosso (now alpha tauri) he was hospitalized after the australian gp because the team had him starve himself in an effort to reduce the weight of the car after some regs changes left teams struggling with its weight requirement. you can read some of jev's comments here. to be clear, the man was billed as 6' tall and 152 pounds going into the season, which is a healthy build for some, but certainly not anything necessitating a restrictive diet. my husband is 5'9" and a healthy 165, for perspective. it effected several taller/heavier drivers, including adrian sutil, who admitted that even before a race he already felt like he didn't have "ultimate power" after losing 3-4 kg when he was already running light the season before. more of his comments are here. jean todt, the president of the fia at the time, was an unapologetic asshole about it. here's his quote to the telegraph when asked: "honestly, i don't know why a driver… i think normally you can do a good diet and not have to go to hospital because you have been losing some kilos." (source) a minimum driver weight was finally instituted in 2019 - drivers + their equipment (helmet, hans device) have to weigh at least 80 kg and if they're under it the teams have to add ballast to the cockpit anyway, so the drivers all seem to be a healthier weight now. (source)

[byebye-pounds]

idk rambling abt food and eating and shit

its sad that even tho im restricting i try not to count calories because it gives me so so much anxiety i cant completely get the numbers out of my head its just automatic tbh i grab an apple and my brain be like "95 no wait maybe 80 its kinda small" 🤡 but at least im not weighing everything while cooking and calculating totals... just gotta use low cal shit mostly and higher cal things in very small amounts idk

IM TRYIGN TO BE BETTER i hope once i reach ugw (42 maybe) i can slowly try to recover and be better with intuitive eating and making healthier choices so i wont gain the weight back but i wont be obsessing about food this much and crying idk if thats even possible idk what the fk im talking about anymore

im just so tired of being fat and having issues with food it is very tiring and not good for my overall mental health which is in a pretty shit state now anyway.. being like this makes me hate myself even more i wish i could be normal for once you know

also its fucking stupid how much the number on the scale affects my mood like when its randomly 100g more than yesterday i feel like a failure and want to cry EVEN THOUGH I KNOW its just food/water weight or because i havent gone number 2 in few days and am literally full of crap LOL but i dont know the stupid side of my brain be like nice job gaining weight you pig!!!!! im so tired and frustrated i feel like i should have grown out of this at this age but nope

[thatweirdsadartkid]

im back

i havnt been on this blog in a while. It's all coming back. I am restricting again. I want to purge again. I havnt purged but the desires to are so damn strong I can barely avoid them. I know it's because I'm restricting. I'm not eating all day then I binge and wonder what happened. I was doing so well. I was eating and not worrying. I was doing so good. Now it's getting hard to just be consistent. And I'm having many more bad days. I've started smoking again to help curb my hunger. Which doesn't help. But it makes my brain happy. It's all stupid. I want to be empty. I want my stomach to be flat. But also I can't stop myself when I binge and I can't stick to a low calorie plan to save my life. I feel hopeless with my eating. Like I'm destined to be overweight unless I purge or fully devote to anorexia. I can't just be normal, I can't just eat like a regular person.

I don't know anymore. I want to be better, to be rid of this disease of my brain. To sustain myself without being stupid. But also it was so comforting. To feel in control. And okay. I want to feel okay again.

I miss feeling in control of myself

[th-inprogress]

been just existing for several months now. while the world turns around me. maybe thats not true and maybe im just in my luteal phase which means im sensitive and prone to everything. i was trying to spend more time with my mom the past couple months but she talks about calories at every meal and it drives me insane. and all we do is get meals. my boyfriend is on some fitness kick and is eating all these stupid high protein meals and has started talking about calories too. i'm ricocheting constantly between some form of normal, wanting to starve myself to death, and wanting to eat extremely healthy to compensate for the years of poor treatment I've given my body. why is it so hard. i've successfully gone almost 2 months without a cigarette. no vape either. nicotine gum if i need it, but honestly i don't miss it most of the time. I still crave a cig every now and then but not that awfully i'm moving towards trying to follow a mostly plant based diet. i'm not like excessively upset w my body image rn but im def not proud of it. idk if thats more my mental or physical or just how i am when im not restricting in any sense.

anyway idk why im sharing this i just want to get my shit together so bad and I'm proud of me quitting smoking but i hate everything else about my life rn kind of. or i think i could fix it with restriction but i dont have the guts

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

sorry if this is like a loaded question.. i keep trying to remind myself i'm supposed to gain weight and eat more and then i started.. doubting if i'm actually supposed to be ?? i'm not underweight, but definitely near the lower end and about 10lbs apart give-or-take from my pre-ed weight. i lost my period but at a normal weight so i'd think that would be more from malnutrition than the weight itself.. so now im like ?? am i supposed to be gaining weight ???? like should i actively be trying to ?

Hi! Sorry it took me a minute to circle back to my inbox! It's easy to doubt what you're supposed to be doing, but if you lost your period you were definitely depriving yourself through malnutrition, even if you hadn't dipped below a "normal" weight at that stage. And the thing about an ED is that ALL ED behaviors contribute to the ED mindset, so attempting to restrict/lose weight is likely unhealthy for you even if it doesn't seem like it to you.

If you're not clinically underweight right now, then I recommend you work on some intuitive eating. Rather than trying to lose or gain weight, eat a full nutritionally balanced diet of varied foods (including snacks and treats). Listen to your body with love and eat when you feel hungry. Do not stop eating until you feel full enough that your body feels okay. If you're still in early recovery then your body man be extra hungry, and that's okay. If it's calling for that extra nutrition, give it. Take time to eat slowly and enjoy each bite. Don't overfill yourself, make food available so that you can eat later. (That means no restricting snacks. If you get hungry again before your next mealtime, make sure your body has what it needs!)

Do keep in mind that you may need to eat more than usual and you may gain a little extra weight or have different weight distribution for a while as your body makes up for time spent restricting. That is okay and I recommend you do your best to love your body and yourself at every stage. Let your body have what it needs to keep you alive and well without being punished.

I can't tell you the right portions for you. You have to make a practice of paying attention to what your own body needs at any given time, because your needs will fluctuate. Your body is trying to take care of you, so make a practice of learning what it needs in any given moment. This is a process. Be patient with yourself. I hope this helps!

[strawbseed]

tw: admitting that im alone

hi. im strawbseed. im almost 25 years old and i have been struggling with a restrictive ed/disordered eating for almost 10 years. in my normal life, i teach art and im an artist. im a creative person, and im somewhat spiritual too if i were to describe myself in some sort of way. basically imagine kermit the frog but a little more femme.

im here because im going to be alone for some time during the holidays. i used to be on tumblr all the time when i was younger. I loved it here. the ed community is pretty sparse here, i know theyre more active on other pages. i deleted my access to those pages and ed content about a week or two ago to try and improve my life, after revisiting them for the first time in almost two years. it triggered me a lot.

the truth is, i think i destroyed my self concept by coming back to ed content. when i get high, i see pictures of how skinny i really am. everyone tells me how skinny i am. my mom, my sister, my boyfriend even told me he thinks i should eat more. in some ways its validating, comforting, encouraging, but confusing. when i look at myself in the mirror, i see someone who is enormous in some ways, sick in others.

i never used to think bmi was that important til coming back to these websites and pages, but it seems like everyone cares so much about it now. after going vegan, i lost more weight even after being on the lower range of healthy for my height, so i hit underweight for a while. even though i noticed how it affected my performance as an athlete, i still feel scared to return back to a normal bmi.

the truth is, im looking forward to having a lot of alone time and being off of work these next two weeks so that i can control exactly how i eat, how much i workout, and try to feel light enough that im not scared to go back on the scale and see that im not really underweight anymore. i think i want the distractions because maybe i am a little sad to be alone for a lot of the holidays.

im not sure if i want to recover or not. i sort of dont think i want to. i think about it sometimes though.

im here because if there is anyone out there close to my age, who wants to talk over the break, i would like to text sometimes if you wanted. i wish i could say i would want to talk more after the break, but i just can't risk my friends, family, or the people i go to work with finding out about this. they know i used to struggle, but after getting "fit and strong" i dont want them to know that this is who i am inside.

[skinimini80]

Ok so I purged on the special day when I didn’t want to right?

I really wanted to experience a full day of eating without any purging or whatever.

I ate breakfast, it tasted lame. I got some lunch, it was alright. Both meals were very nutritious and came out to 912 cals.

My calorie tracking app says my maintenance is around 1500 cals. My plan was to eat a dinner that fit those cals.

Unfortunately, calorie guilt. I was hungry, which happens when I eat early enough and frequent enough. My hunger made it hard to focus and I really just wanted to try to eat three meals without purging like i intended to the previous day.

So… i had a little drink to ease my worries.

Two little drinks actually.

I was plastered.

Plastered enough to eat without purging, though I was tempted.

Plastered enough to actually enjoy eating.

Plastered enough to eat beyond fullness but also to sleep with a distended stomach that would probably be painful sober.

I ate around 2194 calories (including alcohol cals).

I woke up at like 12 and had some water. I woke up three hours later and had some more water and then weighed myself to see.

119.2

That’s not my true weight ok? I know it. I drank a lot of water in the night AND had finished eating at like 9. I slept poorly and had sodium rich foods with rice and alcohol! Excluding a heavy workout, i did everything that makes me retain water weight, AND had a big meal in my stomach. I normally weigh in at 9-10 o’clock in the morning. Weighing myself so early, so full of food and water, is like weighing myself in the middle of the day!

Anyways i got up at 6 because I couldn’t sleep and made some breakfast to raise my blood sugar after drinking.

It’s 10:30 now and I’m having a latte. I’m not hungry at all.

These past two days have been estimated calorie guessing because I haven’t prepared my dinners for myself. If I’m accurate, and my calorie apps assessment of my tdee is accurate, i am only about 2203 calories over my maintenance for the past two days. That isn’t even a pound. If I can keep my cool and not overeat today, I’ll be back to normal soon enough. I’ve already had quite a few shits today (post weigh in). And I’m feeling better having had plenty of water and a decent breakfast.

I may or may not restrict today. This week is sort of a metabolism week i guess? I’m tracking how much i’m eating and trying to pay attention to my body. Weightloss has been slowing down lately and I don’t really know what my actual tdee is. Im not in quasi recovery, and I’m not mechanically eating three meals. If im absolutely ravenous for lunch today I’ll allow it, but if I’m not then I won’t bother stuffing myself. It would make total sense that I wouldn’t be hungry today. While i drink I feel hungry but google says that’s because alcohol can lower blood sugar. I had strawberries, granola, and a little bit of yogurt this morning (half the serving just for flavor). It’s been four hours and I’m still not even hungry.

Also at the end of the day, 119.2 as a bloated weight is not bad, even if I had slept and not had water and not eaten so late.

Also tmi but my shit lowkey smells like the food I ate. I can also see a good bit of it undigested in the shit. I may not even being breaking down and absorbing all the calories lmao.