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celeste-clearwater-06 · 3 years

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Hello! I was wondering if you could please write something about how the Fellowship (+ Thorin?) Would help a s/o who's Disabled and Chronically ill. Like she has a lot of symptoms like chronic pain, chronic fatigue, difficulty sleeping, difficulty breathing at times, difficulty walking at times, higher sensitivity to the cold, difficulty talking at times, and anxiety, depression and executive dysfunction?

I've been really struggling with my chronic illnesses lately, namely my Autism, Anxiety, Sleep Apnea, a really bad Overbite, Raynaud's Syndrome, Asthma, etc, so I'd really appreciate an Imagine like this. I have a really weird disorder where one of my legs is longer than the other, and it's been causing me a lot of pain and difficulty walking lately, and people have been bullying me for it a lot too, so I could really use a Comfort Imagine right now. Thanks so much hun!!

It's no problem! I'm glad I can provide some comfort!! For each character, I'll use a specific struggling area, to make it a bit easier!! I hope I got these accurate enough, and of there are any mistakes, feel free to point them out!! You are strong, beautiful and so, so amazing!! Keep being you!! ❤❤

Help (The Fellowship// Thorin x Fem!Reader)

Aragorn (Autism)

Aragorn has known you for a long time, so helping with your autism is not new for him

He's particularly experienced in reading your emotions and meeting your needs, whether it's helping you out of stressful situations or calming you down, he's there 🥺

If there are large and boisterous gatherings in Rivendell, its almost guaranteed that you can become over-stimulated quickly, and Aragorn immediately senses this (spidey senses õoõ)

He's fast to find your hand and give it a gentle squeeze of reassurance

If that doesn't seem to help, he'll instantly stop what he's doing and take you out of the room

If you're someone who prefers lots of space and little physical contact, he is 100% respectful of this and asks if you'll let him touch or hug you (very much gentleman 😌)

If ever you're confronted by someone of importance, Aragorn is right by your side to ease some of the tension

Sometimes there are things you find difficult to say or get out of your system

The king seems to know exactly what it is and will help you out by saying it or asking you simple questions that you can easily answer

And he always reminds you, no matter WHAT

YOU ARE NOT STUPID 😤😡

You may struggle with some parts of your life, but every day, he's constantly telling you that you're very intelligent and kind

His patience is unending and he'll never let you think down on yourself

Overall, Aragorn is always someone and reminding you that it's all going to be okay ❤❤

Legolas (Anxiety)

Most nights, Legolas keeps watch (since elves don't require much sleep) and notices that you jolt awake out of the random

Now, most of the Fellowship notices that you're usually awake and ready to go before anyone else

But Legolas is really the one to address you first

You were a bit nervous to explain, since you didn't want to worry him or the great of the fellowship, amount the other disadvantages you have

He gently encouraged you, and finally, you explained to him your sleep apnea

Yeah, he was very concerned

I mean, his blue eyes widened with terror when you told him that you could basically die in your sleep if you weren't attentive enough 🙃

Legolas, from now on, sleeps directly next to you, or keeps extra careful watch over you at night

Because he could NEVER see his precious mortal friend become injured... Or worse 🥺🥺❤

The other members had noticed a change in his behaviors towards you as well...

Gimli teased him whenever he caught Legolas giving you some extra lembas bread or offered to carry you 👉👈

You really tried to assure Legolas that it wasn't a big deal when you were awake, since you're aware of your breathing situation

But still 😤

Legolas will always bring you comfort and take great care of you, and that will NEVER CHANGE

Because he loves you very much ❤🦋

Frodo (Anxiety)

Frodo is familiar with the feeling of great anxiety, seeing he had a stress-free life while living in the Shire and suddenly was forced to carry a piece of jewelry all the way to giant ass volcano

It's easy for you two to comfort each other and seek refuge in thoughts and feelings ❤

He's not super comfortable with the thought of you having a panic attack though...

Only because he's never had one

It starts to give him a panic attack whenever you have one around him the first time 😳-

Any time you begin to breathe heavy or hyperventilate, halfling boy is hot at your heels, rubbing your back and reminding you to breathe gently

(So many hugs, if you're up for it)

After you calm down, he's constantly checking on you, asking if you need anything etc.

Really, he just wants to know if he can help 🥺

And even with the weight and stress of carrying the ring, Frodo manages to cheer you up somehow

Samwise (Asthma)

Sam has never had to deal with asthma once in his life

He's very nervous when the subject is brought, afraid it might trigger something inside of you 🥺👉👈

But you just chuckle, assure him that it's alright, and you have ways of keeping it under control

And now, he wants to know everything about it, just to have the awareness in case something happens

Sam just wants to protect you forever, and this was a great way for him to start

He constantly reminds Aragorn that you'll need breathing breaks and will convince Gandalf to let you ride on his horse

He'll scold Pip and Merry if they are trying to drag you around and be silly, because as he says

"You'll rouse him/her/them up! We can't have Y/N gettin injured!" 🤨😠

Sam is MOM

As always, he's very kind and always makes sure your needs are met ❤🥺

Pippin and Merry (Raynaud's Syndrome)

Very confused halfings 🤔

Also extremely concerned!

You were eating one of the lesser pleasurable nights

It was cold and rainy, and a fire couldn't be started, not to mention the quiet arguments of Aragorn and Gandalf in the nearby woods

And Pip's eyes widened when he saw the tips of your petite fingers begin to pale upon hearing Aragorn mention Orcs

"What's wrong with your hands?!" He squeaked, pointing towards your now white-colored fingertips

You hadn't even noticed, nor felt, considering they were numb anyways

Merry looked over his cousin's shoulder and his eyes also widened, not with fright, but wonder

They were both fascinated with your condition, convinced that you were casting some spell Gandalf showed you

Although you reassured them it was just an extremely frustrating inconvenience that you had, among other things

So from then on, the disastrobus duo did their best to keep you out of the cold (and stressful situations!!)

As a distraction, the pair will tell you great stories of the shire, doing little dances and skits that always cheer you up 🥴

Sometimes, they can be a little rambunctious though...

Merry will pick up on this fact quickly, and nudge Pippin to get him to calm down

Even though it may not feel the best

They find your syndrome absolutely fascinating!! 🤔🤔

All in all, these two are always up for keeping your beautiful smile on your face and your spirits high!! ❤🌺

Boromir (Depression)

Throughout the journey, Boromir has always found an easy way to make you smile

After all, he himself has a fascinating way of brightening anyone's spirits

Yours included ❤

Boromir may not have great stories from The Shire, like Pip and Merry, but he sure has a lot of positive things to say

He'll often suggest sparring with the two troublemaking halflings, just so you can see him goof up and get knocked over 🥺

If the nights become cold and weary, he'll give you a warm hug or a nudge on the shoulder

And a few words of helpful encouragement along the lines of;

"Don't fret Y/N. You have more strength than you'll ever know."

"Let our spirits never dampen! We've come this far!" 😊

He's also an incredible listener

Boromir wants to hear what you have to say if you ever need to rant or get something off of your chest

And don't think for a second that he would ever judge you 😤

Son of Gondor sees past all of your insecurities and knows you for your beautiful, amazing self ❤❤

Gimli (Walking disadvantages)

As you travel across great plains and mountains, your limp doesn't go unnoticed by Gimli

It may take him a while to open up about it, since he's afraid he might offend you in some way

And once he asks you, you inform him that it's a difficulty that unfortunately cannot be changed any time soon

And where you come from, lots of people tease and bully you about it

He did NOT handle it well 😳

"wHAT BLUBBERING DULL-MINDED PIGNUTS-" 🤬

Although this Dwarf is short and a bit slow at times

He's fascinatingly strong 😳

And so, he makes it his duty to be your designated carrier 🥺

At first, your a tad skeptical...

I mean, he's only around 4 feet tall...

BUT HAVE YOU SEEN HIM THROW THAT HUGE AX AROUND?!

Gimli will happily carry you great distances when you need a break, and even longer

(Sometimes it's just to show off around the others-)

"Gimli, are you sure you don't want a break?"

"Aye lass! The strength of Dwarves is unending!" 😌

*struggling to breathe*

11/10, fantastic dwarf, will never let you down!!

Thorin (Executive Dysfunction)

Another Dwarf??

Absolutely

Thorin himself has trouble keeping composure with his time management (and sense of direction 🙄)

This means that he'll have an undying amount of patience for you and you only

There's just something about you that he fond of, and it fills in that little sassy, brooding place in his heart

Can also relate to you whenever you grow frustrated at the setback of your journey or lack of sleep

Is 100% willing to help you find your lost belongings (and once again, ONLY YOU)

Thorin will literally make the whole traveling party stop so that you can put something in your bag and make sure that you put it somewhere you'll remember

Always happy to give you extra gentle reminders of keeping your pack closed

The company is utterly SHOCKED with how he treats you

I mean, this man has always been extremely stubborn and hard headed

But when you show up, it's another person he can easily relate and share frustrations with

Also a master at organization?!? 🤔

The one thing he could do successfully was organizing the damn journey and traveling company, so ofc he's gonna be good at that 😂

Yeah, Thorin definitely has a soft spot for you

King under the mountain will never run out of patience and kindness for you 😌💙

Sorry these took so long!! I hope you like them!! ❤❤

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sunnyrosewritesstuff · 3 years

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OHHHHHH 🥺

Thank you dear ❣️

Be sure I will always cheerlead for you 😤

And cursed dragonball au has a special place in my heart already, let's chat about it anytime you want 😂

Of course friend! 😊 Also, I may have gotten a touch carried away with the Thorin's Fourteen AU...

Incomplete and Unedited Drabbles Below!!

Thorin’s fingers drummed against the table as he waited. He took another sip of his drink, relishing his first taste of alcohol since getting out of jail. A few seats down, a couple of off-duty cops laughed and looked around the room enjoying their own drinks. Thorin tried not to tense every time their eyes rested on him. It was ridiculous that drinking was a violation of his parole, but Thorin had to remind himself that here in Bree, he wasn’t in danger of being recognized by every officer. Just when he was about to get up having enough of the unnecessary anxiety attack, he finally sat down.

“Thorin Oakenshield. I thought you had ten years left on your sentence?”

Thorin could have killed the old man, but realized his voice wasn’t loud enough to carry behind him. The cops threw a few bills on the table and left, allowing Thorin to breathe easier. He glared at Gandalf.

“I got off for good behavior, no thanks to you.”

“I did everything I could as your lawyer. The evidence was stacked too far against you to get you anything lighter than a twenty million dollar fine and fifteen years.”

“Meanwhile, I had to watch that snake get away with framing me for embezzlement and take my grandfather’s company out from underneath me. Do you know what he’s turned Erebor into? A fucking casino, Gandalf!”

Real pain shined in the old man’s blue eyes making him look tired and his wrinkles longer.

“I know, lad. I know. If there was anything I could do, believe me when I say, I would.”

“That’s why I’ve called this meeting, Gandalf.” Thorin smirked, leaning in slightly. “I have a plan. A plan to steal the Arkenstone and topple Smaug, once and for all.”

“Oh?” The lawyer raised his eyebrow. “And is this plan something accomplished by legal means?”

Thorin gave him a hard glare, refusing to answer that. Besides, he knew Gandalf could already guess his answer. The older man nodded at Thorin’s silence and took a sip of his drink.

“What you are suggesting is very dangerous and has a very little chance of succeeding. Furthermore, you’re going to need quite a few extra hands to pull this off. Hands that may not exactly be clean.”

“So Balin, Dwalin, Oin, and Gloin are still loyal to me. I know where to find my old cellmate, Nori, and I think I can get him on board, possibly his brothers too. And, unfortunately, my nephews probably have too much time on their hands and I can’t imagine them listening to me if I try to keep them out of it anyways.”

“That makes ten.” Gandalf nodded. “I have a client by the name of Bifur who has two cousins who would probably aid you well.”

“There’s thirteen.” Thorin shrugged, thinking that was more than enough.

“I think we need one more.” Gandalf argued. “And I know just where to find him.”

***

Bilbo was trying to keep his eyes to his book as he rode the train back to the Shire. He went to Bree for a nice shopping excursion, but he was ready to be back in his armchair in his quiet, comfortable parlor. He hated crowds. Years of conditioning had him constantly aware of his surroundings. Who would make good marks? Who would be less likely to notice a missing wallet or jewelry? Who are the people watchers who would notice something amiss? He shook his head and tried to concentrate on his book again. However, the man directly across from him with the wallet careless stuffed in his jacket pocket almost seemed to be begging for it. The train announced the Hobbiton station, and Bilbo hopped up to move towards the door, ready to get off as soon as possible.

“Excuse me.” An older man apologized after bumping into Bilbo.

He gave a tight smile while subtly checking that his wallet was still there. When everything appeared to be in order, he gave a quick ‘it’s fine’, and jumped off the train. He was a couple of blocks away when he looked down to see a slip of paper had been inserted in between the pages of his book. He pulled it out to see it wasn’t a simple piece of paper, but a business card.

Gandalf Grey, Attorney at Law

Written on the back was a single sentence that had his blood running cold.

I would have expected Belladonna Took’s son to have made that lift.

A location was given after that. The Green Dragon. Who the hell was this Gandalf Grey?

***

“So lad? How did it go?” Balin asked cheerfully after Bilbo made it back to the warehouse.

“I’ll tell you. You lot can certainly pick them.” He complained, earning Thorin’s attention.

“Were you seen?” The taller man demanded.

Bilbo scoffed. “What do you take me for? Of course, I wasn’t! I’m just saying this man is as meticulous as he is ruthless! Do you know he has his own elite, questionably legal, security detail he lovingly calls the orcs? The last person who tried to steal from Smaug was gutted and then had his brother-in-law’s bakery seized!”

“Oh yes, I heard that as well.” Balin nodded.

Thorin frowned. “I thought it was the uncle’s gas station?”

“Maybe his son’s car wash?” Balin offered after a moment of thought.

“Does it matter?!” Bilbo attempted to pull their attention back to the main issue.

“Are you scared?” Thorin mocked with a raised eyebrow.

“Are you suicidal?” Bilbo shot back.

Thorin smirked almost grudgingly before shrugging. “Only in the mornings. Now, what did you find out about Smaug?”

***

Everyone started filing out of the back of the van, quickly and quietly. Bilbo moved to follow only for Thorin to put his hand on his shoulder, pushing him back inside.

“You stay here.” He growled.

“Are you serious?” Bilbo demanded.

Thorin glared back. “Yes. I need to be able to predict everyone’s movements in order to pull this off, and frankly you’re too much of a wild card. Stay, and maybe I’ll trust you with more.”

Bilbo glared at the man long after he disappeared inside the university.

“Cheer up, Mister Boggins.” Kili tried to appease from the front seat. “Uncle made us stay behind too.”

Great, he was nothing more than a child in Thorin’s eyes.

“You want to play twenty questions?” Fili offered.

Bilbo groaned as he held his head between his knees.

“Alright. I’ll go first!” Kili volunteered.

“Are you a man?” Fili asked.

“Yes. Nineteen.”

“Are you dead?”

“Yes. Eighteen.”

“Durin the Deathless.”

“...Damn it!”

Bilbo let his head hit the side of the van. This would be the longest twenty minutes of his life.

“Hey, Mister Boggins? What’s that?”

Bilbo looked over only to see a flashlight sweeping the grounds, followed quickly by another.

“Shit! Those are guards.”

“What do we do?” Fili asked nervously.

“You two stay here and try to remain inconspicuous. I’ll draw them off.”

Bilbo was out of the van and across the lawn before either brother could protest. Not even thirty seconds later, the rest of the crew appeared with the device in hand. As they loaded it into the back, Thorin’s eyes scanned the van realizing instantly something was amiss. Where was Bilbo?

“Fili! Kili! Where’s Baggins?” He demanded.

“He went to lead some guards on a wild goose chase.” Kili offered nonchalantly.

Thorin groaned as he punched the door.

“What do you want to do, Thorin?” Dwalin asked with a knowing look.

“Drive down to the end of the road and give us twenty minutes. If we’re not there by then, just go. I’ll get the damn idiot.”

***

Bilbo took a few seconds in the elevator to catch his breath. Smaug was more terrifying than he ever imagined.

“Alright Bilbo.” Ori spoke through the earpiece. “You are disappearing from their feed in three, two...you are now the invisible man.”

Bilbo nodded as he shed the glasses and jacket. Time to get to work. The elevator came to a stop, and Bilbo jumped up to open up the ceiling tile under the light. Only he shorted it by two inches.

“Come on.” Bilbo groaned to himself trying again.

This would be terribly embarrassing if he couldn’t get out of the fucking elevator because he was too short. He reached down to get the grappling hook out of his briefcase. It was supposed to be used later, but desperate times. When he looked back up, he gave a quick yelp of fright to see Thorin’s smiling face.

“What the hell?” He demanded.

“It’s my stone, my building, and my plan. You didn’t really think I was going to sit this out, did you?”

“Didn’t trust me?” Bilbo snipped as he took Thorin’s outstretched hand.

The taller man gave a slight grunt at the strain, but Bilbo was too mesmerized by the flexed bicep inches from his face. Once he was close enough to the top, Bilbo reached out and helped Thorin out by pulling himself out of the elevator. When he finally got his footing, he looked up to find Thorin uncomfortably close. Bilbo’s throat became dry as he tried not to focus on the sweat gathered in the hollow of his throat.

“You should know by now, Mister Baggins, that you have my full and complete trust.” Thorin growled.

Bilbo swallowed and tried to focus on Thorin’s eyes, and his eyes only. Not how beautifully fit Thorin was in that tight black shirt, and certainly not on those lips the man’s tongue had just wet.

“Bofur’s just about ready to go. Are you and Thorin in position?” Ori’s voice brought him back to the present.

Bilbo cleared his throat several times with the promise of later. This could all be explored later when they weren’t in the middle of a job.

“Close enough.” He mumbled back.

#ocean's eleven au #bagginshield #small headcannons I have with this:#thorin has building blueprints Dis found in the attic that reveal a secret entrance #the pinch scene = the trolls scene #their plan to steal the arkenstone is actually closer to the plan to steal the egg in ocean's twelve #azog works for smaug and it gets heated at the end!

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thiswaycomessomethingwicked · 3 years

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How do you think the Grima and Saruman plot in Rohan would have gone down if Theodwyn had still been alive? Or Eomund? Or Edhild?

An interesting question! Though I think it’s one that’s almost impossible to answer simply because we know so little of the women.

Theodwyn, as a woman in Rohan already would have had limited access to direct political power. And, as a widow tending to her husband’s estate on behalf of her son, would likely not have been very present at court in Edoras. I suspect she would not have left Aldburg that often as she had the Marshallate to oversee and her children to raise.

The tl;dr is: I suspect her being alive would not have been relevant to the success or failure of Grima and Saruman.

Longer musings on Theodwyn, Elfhild and Eomund:

We know very little about Theodwyn save that she was Theoden’s sister and died of heartbreak after Eomund went and got himself killed. Indeed, we know basically nothing about her that is useful in determining how she might have intervened had she become aware of Saruman’s plans.

Personally, I don’t get badass powerhouse vibes from her, honestly. Which is totally fair and I don’t think every woman needs to be Eowyn-I-Am-Not-Like-The-Other-Girls Strong Female Character to be worthy of being considered interesting and dynamic. But yeah, I get a very passive vibe from Theodwyn. But that’s just my read on her.

Theodwyn and Elfhild suffer the way almost all women do in Tolkien’s world of having almost no story and zero characterisation. Lothiriel, Arwen to a lesser degree but still, Finduilas etc. are really nothing more than names. Which is frustrating! and it drives me batty.

For both Theodwyn and Elfhild all we know are names, who their male relatives are, and that they were able to make heirs for their husbands. All the important things, clearly.

Based on Eowyn’s position at court (and her deep frustration and anger about it), I think it can be safely argued that women don’t play a strong role in the political world of Rohan. Eowyn describes her life as being in a gilded cage - no real power, limited agency. I think that’s very telling of the role Theodwyn and Elfhild would have occupied.

Not to say that they wouldn’t have been able to influence and inform decisions made by their spouses, but they would not have been privy to war councils or the daily Politicking that Theoden and Eomund got up to. Men are clearly the dominant leaders in Rohan and the gender roles and expectations in this country run along a strict binary that favours a militarized hyper-masculinity.

While Elfhild and Theodwyn would have defended their homes when the men went to war (as Eowyn does in the books), it would have been only if no other “appropriate” man was present to taken on this role (again, as happens in the books. Though props to Hama, real MVP, and member of the Eowyn fanclub).

Any influence Elfhild or Theodwyn had over the decisions of Theoden or Eomund would have been behind the scenes and very much a “soft power” approach. And this is assuming their spouses were open to listening to them.

I know we all wish this wasn’t the case, and we want an Elfhild and Theodwyn who were super active and influential in the politics and manoeuvrings of their country - but based on the text, that probably wasn’t the case. It’s a fandom head-canon.

Now, all of this said, Elfhild being alive may have caused a bit of a hiccup or challenge for Grima exerting control over Theoden. However, Grima is very good at manipulating people and situations, so could possibly have undermined their relationship. We don’t know enough about Theoden and Elfhild as a couple to really determine how that would have gone.

Also, remember, no one really knew of Grima’s treason. When Gandalf went to warn Theoden in October of 3018 it was about the incursions and plans of Saruman. It’s unclear if he made any mention of Grima’s role in it. It can be interpreted that Eomer knew, or at the very least had suspicions, but otherwise I think we can safely assume, based on the text, no one else knew.

(Eomer can also be read as not having known at all; he was under house arrest because he threatened Grima with death in the king’s hall which is against the law. And that, it’s implied, was over Grima ogling Eowyn.)

Grima was seen as a trusted advisor to the king - if anything, Eilfhild may have leaned on him as her husband started “ailing” and become more and more unable to fulfill his duties as king. Theodred seems to have been fairly absent as heir so I don’t know how much of the day to day duties he was able, or willing, to undertake.

So, the dynamics of the court during Theoden’s witchcraft-imposed infirmity, may have been really interesting and not as black/white as it might come across at first blush.

As noted at the top, Theodwyn would have been managing the Third Marshalate until Eomer was of age, so she wouldn’t have been very present at court. And after he came of age, she would probably remain in Aldburg to help manage things while he was off seeing to his other duties and working to try and slow Saruman’s steady creep into Rohan. So, I don’t see her having lived after Eomund’s death heavily impacting anything. Also, like with Elfhild, we don’t know what the relationship was between Theodwyn and her brother.

So if just the two women had survived, not Eomund, I can see Elfhild more than Theodwyn posing a potential roadblock for Grima and Saruman. But, that’s only if:

a) she knew about, or suspected, Grima’s treason;

b) she and Theoden were close and they had a relationship that could weather whatever wrenches Grima would throw into the mix; and

c) she were the kind of person to take a very active political role to fill the void left by Theoden’s absence.

Like Theodwyn, we don’t really know who Elfhild was as a person. Was she the sort to try and take control of a situation? or was she more likely to have simply seen to her own duties and tended her husband without really getting involved (In the way that Eowyn tended her uncle as he “ailed” but didn’t get involved politically at court. But a wife has privileges a niece does not).

However, if Eomund had been alive that might have influenced events in a different way. Maybe. It would mean another member of the House of Eorl to contend with and neutralize, on Grima’s side. However, Eomund was hot headed and prone to doing really stupid shit without thinking and I suspect Grima could easily manipulate him into either a compromising situation or to ride to his death.

Eomund being alive would have freed Eomer up to focus more on his efforts against Saruman, which he wasn’t able to do to the degree he wanted to as Third Marshal (he laments about this to Aragorn when the four three hunters first arrive in Rohan).

Having the full family alive would also have provided an additional barrier/more people for Theoden to lean on making it more difficult for Grima to wheedle his way into Theoden’s head. It also may have changed the dynamic at court and kept Theoden himself more hopeful about the future which may have, in turn, informed Grima’s own decisions about how to approach the war with Sauron and its potential outcomes.

Grima gave into Reasonable Despair, which I suspect was partially fuelled by Theoden’s own personal misery about his aging, his perceived inability to rise to the occasion, his own despair at the future. That’s a contagious mindset. Despair is easy to fall into and it breeds more despair. Hope is hard. But, if you have a lot of people around who are relying on you, who are supporting you, who are helping you - that changes things entirely.

I suppose the long and short is: WhO kNoWs??? hahaha

I’m very sorry about the novel this became but thank you so much for the ask! I really enjoyed gaming things out and I hope it somewhat answered your question <3 <3

#love a good dissertation on Rohan #lotr #lord of the rings #rohan #eomer #eomund #theoden #elfhild #theodwyn #grima wormtongue #I hope people don't get too mad about my less than enthusiastic take on the women #i was trying to be realistic about it? idk

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erosofthepen · 4 years

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Hello! I had an idea for an imagine that I wanted to get your thoughts on, if that's fine by you. Which Characters from The Hobbit and Lotr do you think would most enjoy dating a Dark Academia-style Writer? So like she dresses in the Dark Academia fashion, reads Classical Literature and her own stories and essays to them while cuddling, excitedly Rants about History and Literature to them, and maybe they even find her journal full of sappy love poems and rambles about how much she loves them? Who do you think would be most down for a s/o like that, if you don't mind me asking. I'd love to get your thoughts on this, and your blog is so spectacular btw!

Oh ho ho, my friend, this is right up my alley. I am obsessed with Dark Academia.

For ‘The Hobbit’:

Bilbo Baggins.

He was literally the first person to pop into my head. He is a perfect mix of cottage core and light academia, and I feel like he would have a lot of love for dark academia as well. When you’d cuddle, you’d both be reading your respective books (or even better, reading the same book with one another, or even even better, reading aloud to one another), and when a particularly deep or meaningful quote or scene happens, you would both discuss it thoroughly. You would both go into rants about history and literature you find interesting, and understand one another perfectly, going into incredible depth about the topics. If he ever found love poems you wrote about him, he would read them with the fondest smile upon his face. Who knows, in a few days, you might even come across a few poems or songs he has written about you.

Bard.

Bard has a lot of respect for history, (I hold firm to the belief that he was one of the very few lake men who really cared about the towns past), and would probably even help teach you some history of Dale and Esgaroth. And if you teach him about our worlds history and mythology, he would be all ears and find it utterly fascinating. He would totally be down to just spending quiet days at the library with you, and would probably read every book you recommend to him (Imagine discussing ‘A Secret History’ with him… that would be quite an interesting conversation). And if he ever came across love rants/poems… this man would get all cute and tell you how much they mean to him. He’s just that kind of person.

Thorin.

This dwarf would be incredibly into Dark Academia. I can just imagine dressing him up in one of those gray waistcoats with the white, long-sleeved undershirt. If he should roll the sleeves up to the elbow… sigh. He could totally dress the part. And he would absolutely love seeing you dressed dark academia style. His color palate is very similar to what is typically dark academia. And get ready for hours of discussing both dwarrow and human history with him. Also, if I may go out on a limb here, there is this headcannon I have about dwarrow museums being carved into old mineshaft used of resources. Thorin would be immensely proud and excited to show you and teach you everything in the museums. Walking down the stone halls and him pointing out various carvings and texts on the walls, your dark academia mind couldn’t be happier. And cuddles with his arm around your shoulders, lying in bed after a long day, ending the night reading. He would occasionally look down at what your reading (possibly asking what’s going on in the plot, depending on if you get annoyed by interruptions or not) and smile to himself. If you read your own work to this dwarf, expect the best feedback possible. He is very thorough with his feedback, and knows how to properly give constructive criticism as well as highlighting the best parts of your work.

Lindir.

This sweet little elf would be beside himself. He loves the libraries in Rivendell, and you sharing and reading stories with him opens up worlds. He would also love the way you dress, and will often ask what has inspired your ‘look’ for the day. He gets excited when you come to him with a new topic to rant about, and will likely contribute some very insightful views on the matter. When you come to him with questions about Middle Earth’s history, he will gladly answer whatever you ask (and probably end up having a history rant of his own. ‘Hey Lindir, what are the Silmarils?’ ‘…how about you sit down, and we’ll chat about it for a few months.’). He would just be the sweetest if he found your love rambles, and would be blushing the entire time reading them. Expect a wonderful thank you and an entire sonnet of his own composed for you.

Ori.

Can’t forget this little scribe. He would be beside himself at finding a fellow reader and writer, and the two of you would have so many reading sessions where you discuss what exactly this word meant in this context, or just ranting sessions where you gush and/or vent about a certain scene or plot development. He would find your outfits absolutely exquisite and probably even help you piece some together. Cuddling with him while reading is honestly the best, because you’ll just be laying side-by-side, surrounded by pillows and blankets (possibly in front of a fireplace in the Great Erebor Library), and just be reading your different books together, content to just read without feeling the need to talk. If you ever read your work to him, he would be beside himself at the level of trust you place in him (being a writer, he knows how daunting sharing your work can be), and he would love whatever you write. Expect him to start sharing his work as well. For the love poems, You’ll probably find his poems/rambles first, tbh. He just loves expressing himself through writing, and expressing his love for you is his favorite thing. You both get all sappy and blushy when you read one another declarations of love.

For ‘Lord of the Rings’:

Frodo Baggins.

Much like his Uncle, Frodo has a healthy appreciation for history and literature. He’d just love pouring over different books with you, and discussing them. His favorite thing to do with you on rainy days is to curl up with a good book and read aloud. Maybe even a walk down the trails and paths with an umbrella as well (Lobelia in the hobbit movies and the end of return of the king has proven there to be umbrella’s in Middle Earth). Hobbits are known for their passion for History, particularly family History, so he’ll definitely go into some rants of his own about the history of the Shire, and will sit and listen to your rants as well.

Elrond.

Lord Elrond is like a living, breathing, history textbook. He would be the absolute best person to discuss historical events and mythology and such. His keenness for knowledge knows no limits. There will definitely be very, very, long conversations about literature and meanings behind what the author writes, and the morals and values of the texts. Honestly, there is just such a depth of understanding between you and Elrond that is incredibly hard to find in others.

Faramir.

This man. This is the man who literally fanboyed over Gandalf and became a pupil to him. He would absolutely be beside himself when he meets you, because another human who is obsessed with learning and history and literature and discussing it and having deep conversations about it??? He would fall hard. And he would always love the way you dress, whether you are wearing a cozy sweater-vest or a dramatic trench coat. The two of you would literally spend hours in Gondor’s libraries, pouring over shelves of scrolls and books, taking notes on them, and maybe with a few older ones, restoring them together. Your favorite thing to do before going to bed is lighting a few candles and reading together. He would especially be fascinated and amazed at anything you have written and willing to share with him. He honestly just loves you so much, and feels so understood when he’s around you. And finding love poems written about him fills him with an indescribable amount of joy.

Aragorn.

When not off doing important Ranger or Kingly duties, Aragorn would just love to spend time reading with you. The kind of quality time where neither person needs to say anything, because the simple presence of the person is enough. He’s very into History, and I can totally see him ranting to you about the story of Beren and Luthien (perhaps the rest of the Silmarillion if he has the time), and would love to hear about your stories and books from our world. He’s the kind of person who prefers to dress practical, but that doesn’t stop him from complimenting your outfits and thinking how great you look every time you walk into the room. He loves the aesthetic of it. And should he ever stumble across a poem about him, he will probably keep it to himself, but memorize every word and repeat it to himself while traveling.

So I may have gotten just a tad bit carried away with this, but it was so much fun doing! Thank you for this ask! I hope this is what you were looking for. Now, i’m going to make myself a cup of tea and go to bed.

#bilbo baggins #dark acadamia #ori #aragorn #lindir #elrond #faramir #hobbit asks #lotr asks #frodo #thorin #bard #claraofthepen #the hobbit #lord of the rings

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theincaprincess · 4 years

Text

Culture Shock

Main master list here

Forever tag list @amyf20 @deepestfirefun @blankdblank @moonfaery @catthefearless @meyoko10 @tolkienprincess @starlightintherain89 @southsidesarcasticwriter @fuer-immer-jetzt @fizzyxcustard @lady-of-lies @xxbyimm @miabee0706

Ori tag list @bettythedwarfqueen @tolkien-fantasty @thesmellofasinnamonroll

Thorin tag list @phanaelion @soradragon

Hobbit/LOTR tag list @Slither-in-a-half

Warning: Little bit of swearing.

@random-thoughts-003 requested

(Part 1) I shaved my head today and was wondering if you could write a fic of a fem!reader from this world shaving her head after a few weeks in middle earth and the dwarves and Bilbo being confused while Gandalf isn’t for some wizardly reason. Hope this isn’t too much!

(Part 2) Sorry if I’ve already sent it, but maybe you could do a little thing where a reader who is from this world that is brought in by Gandalf somehow? And after a while she gets annoyed by how dirty and tangled her hair has gotten so she uses one of the weapons to shave her head? And the company is confused on why she would do that and doesn’t recognize her at first? Like they point their weapons at her and ask who she is ending with them confused and laughing? And asking questions?

Word count 1,166

Months you had been travelling with the company of Thorin Oakenshield, after Gandalf somehow dragged you from your own world into Middle Earth and still didn’t know how to get you back home, even Lord Elrond didn’t know, you had a part to play in this adventure, and only after you had completed your task the way home would be seen.

Your hair had become so matted and dirty within the months, you did have a small hairbrush in your bag that you had been carrying with you when you arrived, but that was lost when you and the company ended up in goblin town and the goblins searched your bag and took everything that was in there, you weren’t really bothered about your money as you knew you couldn’t spend it here in Middle Earth, but you really missed your hairbrush and the small pouch you kept spare hair ties and clips in. As a girl you always had a few hair ties on your wrists, but after a while, those snapped as your hair got thicker and thicker full of dirt and knots, even Kili had shared some of his ties with you but at last, they snapped too.

….

Laying on the ground you were currently looking up at the stars, listening to the sound of snores coming from the sleeping company, lifting yourself up to your elbows you looked around and saw it was Gandalf’s turn on lookout duty, pushing yourself to your feet you gently made your way over to Gandalf dodging feet and hands on your way over, before lowing yourself down next to the wizard, seeing Bilbo at his side, writing in his journal away in his own world you thought as you said a soft “Good evening” as not to scare them with your sudden appearance.

“Good evening” both Gandalf and Bilbo greeted back with a soft smile before going back to what they were doing, sitting quietly next to the wizard you were trying to build up the courage you ask your question, when Gandalf broke the silence “I know what you are about to ask me (Y/n), and it’s not possible, because if it was I would have done it for you already.”

Looking up at Gandalf you wet your lips “So you can’t spell my hair to not be knotty?”

“No I can’t” Gandalf said, taking a puff from his pipe.

“Yet you can turn people into animals” You said adding a little sarcasm to it.

“That is different, I spell the whole body, not just one point if I could help you I would, I’m sorry (Y/n)” Gandalf said patting your back and giving you a kind smile.

Nodding your head you stared out into the night hearing the sound of a river not too far away, and an idea popped into your brain as you smiled to yourself, raising to your feet you wet your lips “I’m going for a wash” you said as Bilbo nodded and Gandalf had a sly smile like he could read your mind.

Feeling the water cascade over your body, you felt your muscles relax as you laid on your back, looking up at the sky as you could see the dawn was approaching with the sky being painted with oranges, pinks, and red hues, it had been a while since you and the company weren’t running for your lives and you could enjoy the simple moments in life, sitting up in the river you reached for your borrowed sword and knives and pulled the first strand of hair in front of your eyes, and got to work.

….

Looking around the camp the company started to panic finding the wizard and hobbit fast asleep and you know where to be seen, calling out for you Thorin ordered the company to draw their weapons as Ori packed up your bag and placed it next to his in hopes you were coming back.

Hearing your name being shouted as you made your way back to camp you smiled at yourself knowing the wizard and hobbit would be sleeping, this was the fourth time this has happened so far, breaking into a sprite to get back to camp before Thorin blew up and Gandalf and Bilbo you shouted out “I’m fine, I just went for a bath and lost track of time.”

“I hear her” Ori shouted to the company as Bilbo and Gandalf were rudely awoken by Thorin slapping the back of their heads before turning his eyes to the tree line as a woman with no hair stepped out of it, making all the dwarves gasp and point their weapons at the intruder.

Throwing your hands up in the air you let out a laugh at their shock faces “Guys it is me, it’s (y/n)” you spoke as you looked at each one of them seeing the fear and confusion in their eyes.

“What have you done to (y/n)” Thorin’s voice boomed across the field as he stomped forward holding his sword out, making you lift an eyebrow at the dwarf king.

“I am (y/n)” you argued, placing your hands on your hip staring down at the king, clearly annoyed at his actions.

“No you’re not, (y/n) had long hair, you’re an imposture” Thorin argued back.

“I know I did, it was tangled as fuck and Gandalf is a shit wizard who dragged me here from my world and he can’t even spell my hair not to get knotty” you screamed “No offence Gandalf” you added and watched the wizard wave his hand at you.

“It’s really her” Gandalf said as he stepped next to you lowing Thorin’s sword with his hand as the company followed suit.

“Why did you cut your hair off?” a small voice asked from the back as all eyes turned to it to see Ori holding one of his drawings of you with your long hair.

Pushing your way over to him you sat on the floor and told him your reasons as the rest of the company sat down and started to listen, “it’s not really a big deal, people from my world cut their hair like this all the time” you said as you ended defending your actions.

“Well actually hair is sacrate to us dwarves and part of our culture” Ori said, making you feel bad for what you had just done.

“Well the good news is my hair will grow back, and I promise I won’t go so dramatic with the hair cut next time” you said holding a smile as Ori smiled up at you with puppy dog eyes.

“So people in your world do this to their hair all the time?” Kili asked as the rest of the company nodded along clearly wanting to know the answer.

Inhaling a deep breath, you started to tell them about your world as you had never really talked about it and you answered any and all of the company questions.

#Culture shock #Theincaprincess #Theincaprincess masterlist #Theincaprincess master list #Company of Thorin Oakenshield #Company of Thorin Oakenshield x reader #Company of Thorin Oakenshield x you #Company of Thorin Oakenshield fanfic #Company of Thorin Oakenshield fan fic #Company of Thorin Oakenshield fanfiction #Company of Thorin Oakenshield fan fiction #Theincaprincess Company of Thorin Oakenshield masterlist #Theincaprincess Company of Thorin Oakenshield master list

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lancelot2point0 · 4 years

Text

Two Conies and a Fight

“Trap.”

“No. Shoot.”

Pippin was the first to abandon his pack in favor of gaping at the two who were bickering.

“Why would you want to shoot it?” The man was annoyed and it showed.

Merry turned to ask his cousin what had happened, and was immediately shushed by the younger hobbit.

The man’s frown deepened as his companion spoke again.

“Shooting is quicker and does not rely on chance, Ranger,” the blonde elf resisted the urge to roll his eyes. It was at times like this that he wondered how the man had survived for so long travelling throughout the vast and wild lands.

Frodo and Sam noticed the lack of movement from Merry and Pippin and looked up to find them staring at the pair standing barely a stone’s toss away.

“I am a better hunter than you, that’s how.”

The elf started, realising he had spoken aloud. “You wish you were Aragorn,” he sighed, exasperated, “maybe then you would not have to rely on traps to provide your next meal.”

Gandalf seemed un-bothered as he proceeded to rummage in his pockets for his pipe and pipeweed. He had known the Ranger and the Elf for many a year now, and had been treated to such a display before.

Locating the desired items he made himself comfortable,leaning back against a large boulder.

“Ai, Legolas! “ Aragorn briefly considered strangling the Prince,”We are going to trap it, and that is final!”

Now the elf did roll his eyes, “I thought I made it clear. We. Are. Not. Trapping. It.”

Aragorn glared at his friend for a moment before passionately beginning to list the advantages of using traps rather than a bow and arrow to procure an animal for food.

Boromir and Gimli were greeted with the sight of a very irritated Legolas glancing from the hunting knife in his hand to Aragorn, and back again.

Boromir nearly dropped the wood he had gathered and received a stern glare from Merry and Pippin who were now betting on who would win the argument.

Gimli had turned to find the wizard, and seeing him smoking decided that there was nothing to be concerned about for the time being. So he busied himself with neatly arranging the wood to make the fire.

Sam and Frodo had returned to setting up camp as they had realised that the pair was likely to be there once they had finished their necessary duties.

“Look, Aragorn,” Legolas interrupted the ranger, not sure of how much longer he could listen without resorting to murder, “I am sure that traps have their time and place in procuring dinner, but that place is not here and the time is not now.”

“I would have you know that traps are timeless aids in the quest for sustenance,” Aragorn’s eyes were harder than steel.

“I think the word you were looking for is time wasting,” the elf smirked as the man sputtered for a moment, taken aback.

Unnoticed by the seasoned hunters two rabbits poked their noses out of the long grass that surrounded the clearing. They flicked their ears and twitched thier noses before making their way back to wherever they had come from.

This little intrusion had been noticed by the Dwarf, who now sat with the wizard enjoying a pipe of his own to add to the enjoyment of the spectacle before them. He looked over to Boromir who was betting on Aragorn winning the argument, much to the disappointment of Sam and Merry who believed that Legolas would win. Shaking his head, mumbling something about ‘young folk these days’ he rose, carefully knocking the ashes from his pipe into the designated place for the fire. Catching Boromir’s attention he motioned for him to follow him, and the two disappeared into the trees.

Bereft of his partner, Pippin decided that he should seek the guidance of the wizard, as Merry went to sort out his share of the duties.

Sam went to sit with Frodo who had been watching them all, an amused smile on his face. His question of who Frodo thought would win was answered with a gentle, neither Sam, and why do you think Legolas would win.

“Elbereth, give me strength!” Legolas pinched the bridge of his nose, “Traps are inefficient, therefore we will not be using them.”

“Perhaps you should ask Elbereth for common sense,” Aragorn shot back, glad to have an opportunity for revenge after the elf’s earlier comment, “and Eärendil too, just for good measure! Then you might see that there is no sense in wasting valuable arrows shooting what can be caught using traps.”

Legolas groaned, shooting the man a glare that Thranduil would have been proud to witness.

“I shall take that as consent then,” Aragorn grinned, “we shall be trapping dinner tonight.”

“Are you perhaps,” Legolas laid his hands on the man’s shoulders, “Out of your mind?” he shook Aragorn none too gently.

Gimli jumped as he entered the clearing upon hearing the undignified shriek that came from the Prince of Mirkwood as the ranger dug his fingers into the elf’s sides. Snickering slightly to himself, the dwarf began to light a fire.

Noticing this Sam perked up and wondered if this meant he should get out the pot and pans. Frodo thought he should as there was Boromir carrying a pair of conies, already prepared for cooking.

Gandalf was relieved at the sight as Pippin, who had started complaining of hunger, quieted down and went to see what he could of the preparation of dinner. He would have liked to help, however Sam had, unfairly he thought, banned him from any food related business unless it was eating following an unfortunate accident involving some very interesting berries. Frodo very kindly reminded him that there was still some setting up to do, and that he best get to it while there was still enough light.

“Does your father know you’re this stubborn?”

Legolas scoffed, “Of course he does, where do you think I get it from.”

“Valar help me,” Aragorn sighed, “The sheer ignorance of this elf might be the end of me.”

“If I am ignorant, Edain, then what might your father and brothers be, considering they shoot their prey?”

Gimli thought that both the man and elf were being ridiculous. He kept his thoughts to himself however as he settled once again with his pipe, leaving the cooking of the rabbit to the rather talented hobbits.

Gandalf had fallen asleep where he sat, at least that is what it seemed to Pippin who was wondering if he could ask the wizard to conjure him an apple to at least take the edge off his hunger.

Boromir was keeping watch and sharpening his sword as Merry and Frodo allowed themselves to be ordered around by Sam, who was by far the best cook of the three.

“So you would be perfectly happy to eat something that you killed with an arrow ripped from an orc?” Aragorn let his disdain for the idea seep into every word.

“You ignorant man, of course not,” Legolas took a deep breath,” Unlike you, we elves have standards. These standards include cleaning all our weapons at least once a day. This would ensure that no rotting flesh, orc or otherwise,” he glared intently at the man, “remains on our arrows.”

“How am I to be sure that you are not merely creating some story to make me relent?”

“You were raised among elves!” Legolas broke off into a stream of elvish that caused Sam, with a limited understanding of the language to turn a very bright shade of red.

Thankfully the meat was done cooking and he busied himself with dishing out portions, along with some potatoes to seven members of the company. They settled around the fire as Arien began dipping below the horizon to give way to Tillion, her eternal love and Eärendil, who would have been rendered speechless to see his descendant, now engaged in restraining himself from pulling the elf into a headlock.

“Did you get that from your father as well?”

When Legolas did not answer Aragorn opened his mouth again only to have the elf put his hand over it. Irate, he shoved the blonde’s hand away.

“What do yo-”

“Shhh”

“Don’t shhh me Lego-” Aragorn was cut off again by Legolas’ hand.

“Can you not smell that?” the elf slowly removed his hand.

“Smell what?” the man looked around for anything that might give off a smell.

They caught sight of the fire first and looked at each other in confusion. Returning their gaze to the fire they realised that the rest of the company were seated around it, watching them with great interest.

Finally Gimli broke the stunned silence. “If you two are done, Sam and Frodo insisted that we save some dinner for you.”

________________________________________________________________

yes, pure crack I know.

This was inspired by my dear RangeroftheSouth on FF.net. If you’re a LOTR/TH fan you should definitely go and read her work

#lord of the rings #aragorn #legolas #sam #frodo #merry #pippin #gandalf #boromir #gimli #the fellowship #lord of the rings fanfiction #fanfiction #jirt #jrr tolkien #writing #oneshot #crack #humor

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writingfromkitchenator · 5 years

Text

Faramir ~ Yelped

700 Followers Challenge!

Requested by @emrfangirl

Words: 1,385

Warnings: Premonitions. Angst.

Faramir ran his hands through his hair as he sighed and leaned against the balcony overlooking Gondor. His eyes are tired and he tries to ignore the burning walls in the distance.

He didn't fail. He did what he thought was best. He had to keep telling himself that.

There was an ache in his bones, ones he knew that weren't just from escaping death today.

His thoughts were suddenly taken from him as a familiar voice got his attention.

“You can either keep up and be quiet or you can go back.” Gandalf’s voice grumbled from below, Faramir leaning over the railing to try and see him, only to be surprised by the sight of you following him instead of Pippin. “But stop trying to interfere.”

“I’m simply trying to say what is best Gandalf.” You said rather hotly, surprising Faramir. “We are heading into war and you are not utilising me! It makes no sense!”

“I keep telling you that you are not ready.” Gandalf huffed. “If I thought you could stay out of trouble, I would have insisted you stay in Rohan.”

“If you didn't think I was ready, then you wouldn't have let me come on the quest in the first place.” You snapped and threw up your hands. “Honestly Gandalf, they're aren't many like me as it is, which is-"

“-why I keep you out of harms way, just as I try and advice Faramir when I can." Gandalf said, surprisingly calm. “Both of you have trusted me this far and if you truly follow my advice, you will continue to do so.”

Faramir watches as you stop, staring after Gandalf as he disappears into the streets. He watches for a long moment as you don't move, seemingly thinking, before turning back the way you came.

He made a silent mission to himself to meet you.

He was rather surprised when he didn’t have to wait long, you in tow behind Gandalf as you came to see Denethor, Pippin looking rather worried by your side.

Gandalf barely gave a nod of greeting to Faramir, leaving the other two behind as he entered the hall.

You sighed, rather impatiently. “There he goes again.”

“Has he always been like that?” Pippin asked.

“Yes.” You and Faramir answered at the same time, causing Faramir to smile a little. “Especially when he has something on his mind.”

You nod. “Indeed, although I swear he’s gotten worse since becoming the white wizard.”

“These are dark days,” Faramir said quietly. “With only darker ones on the horizon. He has a lot to do.”

The two of you stared at each other, a silent understanding going between you, Pippin looking a little confused.

“So you’re Faramir,” You said slowly. “I have to say, I’m glad you’re not like you’re father.”

Faramir smiles at this. “I’m glad I’m not like him too. I don’t think it would make for a very pleasant experience.”

Pippin groans. “So why did I offer my services exactly?”

You look at the hobbit a little amused. “Because as always, Peregrin Took, you act before you think.”

The hobbit can’t help but smile. “Keep talking like that Y/N, you almost sound like Gandalf.”

“Oh, please stop me before I make full wizard,” You chuckled, shaking your head. “I’d hate to think of all the headaches I’d get from meddling.”

“Rumour has it, that you rather enjoy it.” Faramir said, earning himself a look of surprise. “Personally I think that those gifted make a habit of it.”

“As long as they aren’t being crushed under the heel of someone else.”

Again, the two of you stared at each other, Pippin clearing his throat a little as he rocks on his heels.

Faramir goes to speak again when the door opens and Gandalf storms out, looking furious.

“Good to see that went well.” You said, a little false cheer in your voice.

“Quiet Y/N,” Gandalf snapped. “I’m hardly in the mood for I told you so.” His gaze turned to Faramir. “Whatever you do Faramir, do not listen to your father, I fear ill intentions are afoot.”

With that, Faramir was left alone with an apologetic smile from you and his father calling to him.

Faramir sat quietly in his room some time later, seated at a table, staring at his hands, his mind working but not, his thoughts clouded with what was to come.

He'd always questioned how his father give off the impression that he hated him, but after today, after the cold words were said, it left little room for doubt on the truth.

Sighing, he runs tired hands through his hair. “How I wish you were here brother.”

A knock sounded on his door.

Faramir looked up wearily, briefly wondering who could be knocking at this hour when all the soldiers were meant to be resting, prepping for the morn.

He was more than surprised to find you at the door, your gaze half terrified as you stepped into his room, Faramir quickly closing the door once he realized you were alone.

“You cannot go.” You said quickly, not giving him a chance to speak. “Surely you see the madness in it?”

Faramir’s smile is kind but tired. “I thank you for your concern, but I must do what duty tells me.”

You frowned at him. “Even if it costs you your life?”

He sinks back into his chair. “Y/N, why are you here? We hardly know each other.”

“Because I don't want to see a good man get hurt,” You said quietly. “And you and I both know each other more than we think.”

Faramir shakes his head. “Because of dreams? That's all they are.”

“You don't believe that, I know you don't.” You stepped closer. “It's why your father fears you so much.”

He frowned. “Don't pretend to know me based on whatever it is you've seen.”

“I know you from the way the men talk about you,” You said. “I know you because Boromir would always talk about how proud he was of his little brother, about how he was as good a soldier as any he'd ever seen, if only his father would see it.”

Faramir finds himself back in his feet, marching towards you. “When did you become an expert? When did you decide that you had to interfere in my life?”

“Since I saw what happens to you.” You said quietly. “Since I saw the arrows pierce your chest, your body hitting the ground with final thoughts of joining your brother in your mind.”

“That are naught but dreams,” He said, his gaze sad. “And whatever truth there is-“

“Is still truth.” You said over him. “Faramir, please, we have lost enough good men, we don't need to lose another.”

His hand, almost subconsciously, reaches up to touch your cheek. At the moment of contact though, a large shocked went through both of you, causing you both to yelp and jump back, staring at each other as flickers of images blur through your vision.

Your eyes fill with tears. “You see it too? You see what happens and still you go?”

Faramir swallows, looking away from you for a moment before he casts you a sad smile. “If I did not go, it would not happen.”

“That's not how it works.” You wanted to argue more but he was already shaking his head, coming back to you and resting his hands tentatively on your shoulders.

“Forgive me Y/N, I have much to prepare for. You need not fret for me, I know what fate I walk into.” He said softly, holding your gaze. “So I will thank you now and bid you not to think more of it.”

You stared at him for a long moment, trying to read him, but your mind was still foggy from moment's before, so you blinked away more tears. “I hope things go better than I fear Faramir, for I am not sure what should happen to me alone with our gift.”

He smiles and lets you go, watching as you open the door. “You are stronger than what everyone gives you credit for Y/N and I am honoured to have met you.”

Swallowing hard, you nod back to him and leave quickly, afraid of what else could be revealed.

#the lord of the rings #faramir #faramir x reader #short #drabbles #700 followers challenge

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lealina-scarsdale · 5 years

Text

The Unexpected Scout (The Hobbit OC Story)

Chapter 03 - Don’t get distracted

Gwen opened one of the cupboards in Bilbo’s kitchen. “Alright. Could someone please pass me the plates?”, she asked without looking back to the dwarves. They all were currently busy cleaning up the mess that they had produced. Actually, it had been just the dwarves’ fault, but she didn’t mind helping.

At the next moment, she heard a few things hurtling right behind her. Without turning her head, she easily caught the objects with her hands and some even with her tail.

“Guys.”, she sighed. “I didn’t mean it literally. Please give them to me as every other person would.” Shooting them a chiding glimpse over her shoulder, Gwen shook her head and began to put away the “handed over” plates.

The dwarves just laughed at that and apologized. Then they started to help out normally just like she had asked them to. “Say, lass.”, Bofur suddenly asked as he gave her another pile of clean dishes to be placed back into the cupboard.

“How come that someone like you is wandering around like that instead of being settled down somewhere nice and living a peaceful life? Surely there must be a bunch of lads who would gladly spend the rest of their lives with you.” He gave her a smirk and raised one of his eyebrows in a knowing way.

Gwen just chuckled at that as she took one plate after another from his hands to put it back where it belonged. “Maybe there are. And it would be a lie to say that such thoughts never crossed my mind. But you know . . .” She paused for a moment, thinking carefully about her next words.

“Would you believe me if I would tell you that I don’t really have high hopes to live such a life?” He knitted his brows at her answer and stared at her in disbelief. “Don’t get me wrong. It really would be great. But . . . I just can’t imagine myself doing it.”

She closed the now filled cupboard and turned her head to look at him. On her lips, she had a smile, but there was a hint of sadness in it.

Now Bofur was even more confused, and so were the rest of the dwarves in the room, who had listened to their conversation as well. Everyone was silent and just gazed at her. Their faces spoke volumes. All of them wanted to know what made her think that way.

Cogitating how to explain it to them, Gwen slightly cocked her head, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. “There have been a lot of guys from other races and my own kin, who had asked me to stay with them, I can’t deny that. But as nice they all had been – most of them at least – I couldn’t say yes because I don’t share their feelings.”

She sighed and went over to the table to fetch the cutlery to put it away too. “Furthermore, there are a lot of people in my homeland, who wouldn’t approve if I would make such a decision frivolously. They would be highly disappointed.”

The dwarves looked among each other quietly. Her words had only raised even more questions. They all were curious but sensed that Gwen didn’t really want to go into any more detail than that. It must be a real tough situation for her at home. Maybe that was the reason why she was traveling?

“So . . . you have never really met someone, who made your heart go boom?”, Kili asked right beside her to help out by handing her the remaining cutlery that had still lain on the table.

Thankful for his assistance, Gwen took them and sorted them accurately back into the drawer. In doing so, she answered his question with a shake of her head.

“And that is why you already have given up on it?” Kili raised an eyebrow as he dug deeper. He couldn’t really believe that she didn’t think that she would ever be happy with someone.

She sighed and was about to explain it to him, but the sudden touch of a hand on her shoulder kept her from it. Turning her head to the other side, her red eyes met the blue ones of Fili. He just smiled at her hearteningly as his thumb gently stroked her shoulder.

“It sounds to me that you just haven’t found your One yet. Don’t say such awful things about your own future!” Encouragingly he patted her back. “Who knows? Maybe you will have your heart throwing a tantrum inside of your chest as soon as our quest starts?” He gave her a smirk so it was unmistakable what he had meant.

Gwen laughed at that. “That would be really nice, Master Dwarf. But may I remind you that our journey contains to take back your mountain from a dragon and not finding me a lover?” She flicked Fili’s forehead what made him laugh as well.

“I know, I know. But what exactly speaks against combining those two goals?” “Right. What does?”, Kili suddenly commented and rested his hand on her other shoulder. Both brothers leaned closer to her and gave her a cheeky grin.

She shook her head with a smile. “You better not tell your uncle about this. He is going get angry for sure.” Everyone in the room laughed, knowing that Gwen was right about that. Thorin wouldn’t be all too happy about them thinking of something else than getting back Erebor, everybody knew that.

“Come on now, guys. We still have a lot to do before we leave in the early morning. It’s the least we can do for our sudden intrusion and the mess.” Gwen clapped her hands as she reminded them on their current duty.

Before the dwarves could protest or ask any further questions, she shooed them out of the room, assigning each one of them to a task to make Bag End nice and clean again.

Thorin and Balin observed that. But while Balin couldn’t hold back a chuckle, Thorin just frowned at that. He didn’t like seeing his company being ordered around by her.

But there was nothing he could do about it. She was right after all. If they wanted to get at least a few hours of rest before sunrise, they had to be finished as soon as possible.

His eyes followed Gwen’s every movement. The idea of her being a part of them still didn’t appeal to him. There were so many things that argued against.

Danger was lurking at every corner on this journey. Death would be close on their heels. The risk of getting hurt any moment would haunt everyone in their sleep, reminding them that they had to be on alert.

Gandalf maybe had said that she had traveled all on her own so far and never had any problems staying alive, but it didn’t settle Thorin’s nerves. It didn’t change the fact that she was female after all.

Her body wasn’t built like a male dwarf’s. There were no hard muscles, no callused skin, and no chunky arms or legs – quite the contrary. Hers was graceful, slender, and smooth.

Such soft looking long hair, tied up into this elegant single braid, not like the coarse one of his kin. Those sparkling red eyes, more beautiful than any ruby he had ever seen before. Not even the royal treasury of Erebor provided such fantastic and fine looking gems like those ones on her face.

And then there were those cute animal ears and this fluffy tail that swayed lovely behind her. They looked a little strange at the first glimpse but really suited her. It was something that made her even more fascinating for others in the first place.

In short, she looked like a damsel in distress compared to all of them. Thorin didn’t want to say it out loud, but he was worried. Worried that the others could get distracted by her. He had noticed the way everyone was eying her with great interest, especially his nephews Fili and Kili.

The two were still young and had no one special in their lives yet. Their uncle was already afraid that they would hazard themselves in order to protect Gwen or would even try to impress her, what would be far worse. He didn’t want them to get killed because of something stupid like trying to win the affection of a woman.

It really bothered him that the rest seemed to be so into her too. Well, it wasn’t like he couldn’t understand them. Gwen was interesting and her appearance quite pleasing, but having his company idolizing her seriously annoyed him.

He didn’t like it. It sparked a fire inside of him. A fire that was fed by the fact that he couldn’t stand it how the others were looking at her with those moonily eyes.

This wasn’t alright at all! None of them should gaze at her like that. And if, then it should be only hi-

Suddenly Thorin flinched and blinked a few times in shock. It was like he had just awoken from a dream. He groaned quietly and pinched the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes to clear his mind.

Talking about distraction. What had he been thinking? How could he let himself fall victim to it when he was already worried about the others? He couldn’t believe himself. How was this woman able to have such an effect on him already? They had just met! What kind of witchcraft was that?

In the meantime, Gwen had just put away her cleaning supplies after she had gotten the last piece of her assigned share of the house done, as she suddenly walked past the room where she had left Bilbo after he had fainted.

Gandalf was talking to him right now, trying to convince him to join them on their journey. She hadn’t been able to hear the beginning of the conversation, but from what she caught now, it didn’t sound like he would be so easily persuaded.

The wizard gave him a speech of how he remembered him as a curious and adventurous child that had always run off in search of elves in the woods, who had stayed out late had come home after dark, trailing mud and twigs and fireflies. A young hobbit, who would have liked nothing better than to find out what was beyond the borders of the Shire.

Carefully, not wanting to startle them, Gwen snuck a peek into the room. There she saw both of them. Gandalf attempting to change Bilbo’s mind, who had a meditative expression on his face. Perhaps he was recollecting the memories of his childhood the wizard had spoken of?

Gwen knew that people changed when they grew up and the things that they had once done as a kid weren’t interesting nor fun any longer, but she also had to agree with Gandalf as he continued.

The world wasn’t in books and maps. It was out there. As soon as Bilbo would step outside and see it with his own eyes, he would surely be hooked for the quest, Gwen was sure about that.

But of course, the hobbit remained stubborn and expressed his displeasure about this idea once more. Saying, that he couldn’t just go running off into the blue, that he was a Baggins of Bag End, and that were his last words. For him, it was final that he won’t go with them.

Rolling her eyes, Gwen crossed her arms and leaned against the doorframe as she continued to listen to the discussion. Gosh, this guy was a pighead. Not as obstinate as a dwarf, but he was close to it. Slowly but surely she doubted Gandalf’s knowledge about this hobbit’s nature.

And as the wizard yet started to talk about one of Bilbo’s ancestors, she knew that even he had given away to despair. But in the end, it didn’t work.

“Sorry, Gandalf, I can’t sign this.”, Bilbo apologized, put the tea that Gwen had especially brewed for him to make him a little more approachable after his blackout, and stood up. He faced the wizard and sighed. “You’ve got the wrong hobbit.” And with that, he left the room.

He noticed Gwen leaning at the doorframe and looking at him with a mixed expression of disappointment, but also understanding. But he brushed it off and went away. Silently she gazed after him until she saw him disappear into his bedroom.

Then her gaze turned to Gandalf, who sat onto one of the chairs in the middle of the room and let a deep sigh escape his lips. He was frustrated that all of his words had bounced off the hobbit just like the blow of a sword off a shield.

“You think he will change his mind?”, Gwen asked, knowing well that he had been aware of her presence ever since she had stopped by the room.

Quietly he took a few pulls of his pipe. He didn’t even look at her. His eyes were staring into space as if he was thinking about something. Then, after a few seconds of silence, he finally met her eyes and a weak smile began to show on his lips.

“That, my dear Gwen, is something we have to wait for. But I still have faith in him. He just needs some time to realize it for himself.” Gwen’s lips also curled up slightly at that. She nodded as a sign that she believed Gandalf’s words.

Sudden rustling noises caught the attention of the two. They glanced at the hallway and noticed that the dwarves began to meet in the living room at the other end of the house. The wizard and the young woman looked at each other for a moment and decided to join them as well.

As they entered the room they were greeted by a deep humming of male voices. Gwen let her eyes wander. The dwarves were gathered around the fireplace. Everyone was gazing at the lambency, how it danced in the chimney and harked to the crackle of burning wood as they crooned a little melody to themselves.

The low-pitched sounds, which were coming from their throats, echoed through the whole house. Gwen moved a little further into the room and leaned against the wall since there weren’t any available seats left.

She closed her eyes as she listened to the male choir. It sounded dulcet and gave her goosebumps. But she also noticed sadness being carried in it.

Then she heard it. A gruff, deep voice had started to sing the lyrics of the song. Gwen shivered at the pleasing sound and opened her eyes again to look at the dwarf, who had taken the lead vocal.

It was Thorin. He leaned against the mantelpiece, his pipe in his hand, and observed the restless movements of the fire. She stared at him, her ears twitching at the sound of his agreeable voice. Her skin tingled as if he was standing right in front of her so the sound waves would hit her directly.

She fought back heaving a sigh as he continued on. His voice was rough and low, but so fair and beautiful at the same time. Enraptured by it, her tail fawned. In order to dedicate her full attention to the wonderful sounds that left his mouth, she closed her eyes once again.

Her mind drifted off to some faraway place, but she still listened intently. It sounded inside of her head and caused her heart to throb strongly.

Never was she going to forget this singing – she didn’t want to. It made her whole body float in an ocean of ease and comfort, despite the sorrow that was in it as well.

Sadly the song ended soon, much to Gwen’s regret. She had wanted to listen to the dwarf king's voice a little longer – in fact, all night if it would be possible. Instantly her tail stopped moving due to the loss of joy.

Sighing softly, she opened her eyes again. She nearly flinched as she realized that there was a pair of azure eyes meeting her ruby ones. Thorin was staring at her.

Not knowing what else to do, she returned the look, her eyes not leaving his’. Both stayed quiet. None of them dared to speak. They were just looking at each other while the rest of the company was chatting or some of them even already excusing themselves for the night.

But after some time, Gwen grew a little nervous under his gaze. The tip of her tail slightly stirred from left to right. What was up with him? Why was he looking at her like that? Had she done something wrong? Or was it still because of her joining them? So many questions were whizzing around in her head.

She tried to find the answers by sensing his aura. But that only confused her even more. His aura . . . she wasn’t able to ascertain it. What was the meaning of this? That had never ever happened before. Was he hiding it from her? If so, he was really good at it. It was unmeaning just like his face.

A blank expression was all that he gave away and his splendid blue eyes rested on her. Gwen felt tingly inside of her stomach and felt her body heating up. A thick lump was stuck inside of her throat, keeping her from speaking and made it a little harder for her to breath. She felt uncomfortable.

But fortunately, it didn’t last long as she felt a hand on each of her arms. Surprised she blinked, snapping out of her trance, and looked at the persons who were touching her.

Her lips instantly formed into a smile as she saw Fili and Kili on each side of her, their hands gently holding onto her upper arms close to her elbows. They were also smiling.

“Hey, lass. How about we hit the hay now? There’s a long day ahead of us tomorrow.”, Kili suggested, looking up directly into her eyes. “Plus, don’t pretty lasses need their beauty sleep? Don’t worry. We will keep watch and wake you up when it’s time to leave.”, Fili declared and winked at her, a smirk dancing on his lips. His brother nodded in agreement, sharing the same expression.

Gwen couldn’t help but giggle. “That’s really nice of you, my dear princes. But I’m afraid that you also need to rest. After all, you are two handsome guys, and they also are entitled to get some shut-eye to regain the full capacity of their looks.” She winked back at them and grinned.

Both blushed immediately when she called them good-looking. They were stunned at how charming she was. Not knowing what to say about that, they shoot each other a quick glimpse in hope that the other one had an idea what to do now.

Realizing that none of them was able to find the right words, they decided to let their actions speak. Their cheeks still colored light pink, they gave her the biggest and most heartwarming smiles they had to offer.

Gwen wagged her tail as she saw that. They looked adorable. She really wanted to hug them but she repressed the urge. It wouldn’t be a good idea to do that to someone you had just met, especially in public.

So she just returned the same tender expression and let them lead her outside of the room to the place they had chosen to be their sleeping spot, wanting her to join them. Hence she missed two azure eyes following her.

A hushed growl escaped Thorin’s throat as he saw the three leave together. He took a deep pull of his pipe, letting the tobacco fill his lungs completely before he let it all out again with one big sigh.

Gnashing his teeth he still stared into the direction where his nephews and Gwen had taken off to. He had overheard their conversation. How not? His attention had been on this woman for the whole time.

During the song, he had caught her gazing at him. An abrupt feeling of excitement had washed through him at that time. He had felt nervous under her eyes, which had glanced at him captivated and filled with admiration.

Suddenly he had feared to mess up the singing and embarrassing himself in front of her. His nerves had been on the edge and his heart had pounded so very hard inside of his strong chest as he had given his very best and not letting his flurry show on the outside.

And when he had seen her fluffy tail starting to sway in happiness and that she had been closing her eyes to relax even more to take all of the song in, it hadn’t made it any better. He had struggled really hard to finally reach the end of this torture.

As the last note had left his lips, he had breathed a sigh of relief inside of his mind. And almost immediately his eyes had searched for her afterward.

Their gaze had met and he had already thought that his heart would burst his ribs, tear his skin apart, and jump right out of him. He had felt hot and cold at the same time. His eyes had gotten lost in hers and he had prayed to dear Mahal that this thunderstorm of emotions inside of him wouldn’t be visible on his face.

Everything about her had entranced him without him noticing, no matter how strictly he had told himself that he wouldn’t let it happen to him nor that the rest of the guys would get into trouble because of that.

He hadn’t been able to return to reality until he had seen Fili and Kili suddenly talking to her and taking her with them, both of them a hand on one of her arms. Snarling at this memory, Thorin took another long pull of his pipe until his lungs hurt from overfilling and the lack of oxygen.

One good example he was. Wanting the others to keep their focus and wasn’t even able to do it himself. That surely was mortifying. Their journey hadn’t even started yet and he was already exhausted and scatty because of the mere sight of a female.

What in Durin’s name had this woman done to him?

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<< Chapter 02

Chapter 04 >>

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Tags: @loushirley, @j25m18c24, @hellbull, @inumorph, @fizzyxcustard

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amarabliss · 6 years

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More Than A Pretty Face - 3 (Thorin Oakenshield/Reader)

IMAGINE MEETING WITH THORIN OAKENSHIELD BEFORE GANDALF AND SHARING A VISION WITH HIM OF WHAT COULD COME TO PASS…

Part One Part Two

Note! I think I got the links working correctly now!

Thorin stroked his beard staring up at the elven statue. It was elegant, but there was no strength behind it. Very elf like…

“I’m so sorry.” He turned seeing you approach a little red in the face, “There was an issue that needed attending and I am not usually in charge of things…I am sorry I am late. I hope you haven’t been here too long.”

“Not at all.” He instinctively began to reach for your face but quickly hid the movement by scratching his neck, “Is everything alright?”

You took a deep breath in smiling before letting it out the air out in almost a laugh, “I do not know how Lord Elrond deals with so much daily. I am used to being on my own and managing my own affairs, a cities worth is…well it’s terrifying. I’m sure you know the feeling.”

He fell in step with you as your walk began, “I do, and it can be intimidating, but it’s mostly rewarding.”

Your eyes were bright when you looked at him. He began to wonder if it was a racial trait since it was something he seemed to always notice when looking at you, “That is good to hear. I imagine if it wasn’t rewarding no one would want to rule. Which is why you’re here, is it not?”

He put his hands behind his back as he looked around, “You know why I am here.”

“I vaguely remember.” You turned onto a path that moved over the river, “You’re looking to get your home back, it’s a very noble cause.”

He paused making you stop to look at him, “You do not remember what you showed me?”

You sighed a little bringing your hand to your temple and began rubbing in a circular motion, “If I take time to focus I can find fragments, but it’s not how it works. I don’t remember everything.”

“How does it work?” Thorin watch you face fall a little at his request. He found it hard to look at you seeing a pain fall onto your features, but he needed answers, “I want to trust you…”

“Trust me?” Your eyes widened, “What have I done to make you mistrust me? We don’t even know one another.”

He stepped close to you looking into your eyes, “What haven’t you done? You give me a vision, you call it a gift. Hours later Gandalf the Grey in fact walks in with a map of my home. What you do is unusual and I only want to know if I can trust your information.”

You swallowed looking away from him, “I have no control over it…”

Thorin watched you turn walking off the bridge listening to you go on, “I know that what I see will happen, unless your told and you make a choice to change it. I’m sure you’ve encountered something that has happened that proves what you saw is real, yes?”

He nodded stepping down the bridge as you turned to him, “Yes…a few things, but somethings have changed. Like not meeting you on the road. We met here.”

“…you weren’t joking about me being with you, were you?” Your reaction was one he couldn’t read. Curious? Confused? Maybe even concerned?

“Yes, you were.” He stepped past you clearing his throat, “For some reason, you are the one thing I remember clearly.”

“Is that what frightens you?” You frowned seeing him tense up, “Master Oakenshield, I don’t know how to assure you that I mean you no ill-will. I know what I gave you will happen... I know you will lose…but I can’t see it anymore. I gave it to you and you will only have it for so long.”

“What do you mean?” He felt his heart quicken in his chest as he turned to face you.

“The vision will start to fade.” You looked down to your hands, “I must confess, I had hoped you would return to the Blue Mountains.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” Thoughts began to race through his mind as panic began to fill him.

“When I had the initial vision, it was chance we were in the same town. I was on my way here. Instead of letting a wizard….” You looked up stopping when seeing his distress, “Master Oakenshield…I gave it to you so you could have a choice and you made one. I will answer any questions you may have-”

“Why me? Why did you have a vision of me? What made it happen?” He threw his arm out, “I am not special.”

When your face saddened it broke his heart, but your answer only seemed to irritate him, “Why does the wind blow north one day and west the other? There is no answer for you. If I’m supposed to see it I will…no matter the distance…Though objects seem to be the exception, but I doubt the dagger I was looking at had anything to do with you.”

“…I am a blacksmith from time to time…and I have been hired in Bree before…” He watched your eyes widen slightly at the revelation that this may be more than chance.

“Fate is a scary creature, untamed, and unmoving.” You began walking again hugging yourself. It was then he noticed how you winced and saw how red your cheeks still were. He had thought you were just winded from your duties, now he thought differently, “My answer to your questions remain the same.”

“You…are not well…” He spoke after a moment, slowly capturing your full attention.

Your stare penetrated his gaze before you put on a brave smile, “Ah…no…I have a small injury…it is not fully healed. I don’t rest well, but don’t worry about me. I will be fine, my lord.”

“I…do not wish to further injure you.” He stopped worry washing over his features. He would carry to a resting place if you’d let him, “Direct me to my quarters and go rest.”

“That isn’t necessary.” Your hands folded together in front of you as you took up a stubborn stance.

“I insist.” He stared you down half smirking when you final looked away with a sigh.

“Fine…thank you.” You turned around guiding him back to where they had met stopping in front of the statue, “I trust you can find your way back from here?”

“Ay, I can.” He stood in front of you just watching your features in the sunlight. It took his breath away.

“Lord Elrond should be returning soon…I am sure he will want to meet with you.” You brushed a loose hair from your face, “More than likely you’ll all be invited to dinner.”

“That’s…kind of him.” He swallowed down the compliment.

You noticed his hesitation and took a small step toward him defensively, “Lord Elrond is a good man. I would entrust anything to him.”

Your earnest gaze spoke to him as he nodded slowly watched you relax, “Your gift has given me much to think about…the lord of these lands is one of those thoughts.”

“That makes me glad.” You smiled stepping away, “Well…I suppose I will see you at dinner.”

“Y'amul.” He bowed again putting a hand to his chest.

“…” You smiled looked down to your hands a small blush coming to your cheeks, “Aha…yes, the truth comes out now. I do not actually know Khazdul…I just wanted to be impressive upon your arrival and looked up a greeting in one of Lord Elrond’s books.”

“Impressive? Why would you need to be impressive?” He tilted his head curiously finding a little enjoyment the way you began playing with a ring on your index finger.

“Well, who wouldn’t want to impress a handsome dwarven king.” You smirked a little before looking into his eyes becoming genuine, “I wanted to bring you a piece of home…since that is what you’re looking for.”

He stood there staring at you feeling a knot in his throat. It had been a very long time since someone had wanted to bring him comfort. He was beginning to like how this version of meeting of you was going. It was less abrasive and not having your bow in his face was nice, “Thank you, I won’t keep you any longer.”

As he turned to leave you, you spoke up quickly, “What does it mean?”

He turned back seeing you had stepped toward him again, “I’m sorry?”

You made a cringing face as you butchered the phrase, “Ya mual?”

He laughed a little giving you a soft smile as a he spoke slowly watching you repeat it under your breath, “Y’amul…it means close to what would come off as ‘with pleasure’.”

“Oh…wonderful.” You curtsied a little, “Thank you Master Oakenshield, I shall see you at dinner.”

“Indeed.” He watched as you walked off glancing back at him a giddy smile on your face before disappearing behind a turn. He shook his head shaking off the feelings that had seemed to overtaken him. He had much to do and he had no idea how long he had to do it.

He stepped into the room loudly gaining his companions attention. He took a deep breath looking at him, “I need paper. Now.”

You walked into the healing house slowly as one of the healers looked up at you immediately sighing and getting up. You stepped over toward a bed that had a divider from the rest of the room and began taking off you dress and underdress, “I know…”

“And yet you never listen.” The she-elf told you as you took a seat on the bed. Her hands began unraveling the bandage. The closer she got to the skin the blood she began to find. She sighed finally looking at the wound, “My lady you need to rest.”

“What I need is to be able to move.” You looked at her, “I won’t be here much longer, things are…changing.”

“…running off to more danger?” Her long eye brow shot up as she cleaned the stab wound getting winces from you.

You looked at her, “Spying for Lord Elrond?”

She glanced back up to you, “Fine keep your secrets…you’re healing nicely…but it would heal better if you would stay and rest.”

You kept your arms above your head as she began to wrap you up again. You stared out the window toward the afternoon sun as startling pair of blue eyes flashing into your mind, “Life very rarely gives us what we want…sometimes you have to follow it when it finds you.”

#more than a pretty face #more than a pretty face - 3 #thorin oakenshield #thorin reader #thorin Oakenshield imagine #throin oakenshield/reader #thoring oakenshield reader #the hobbit imagine #the hobbit reader #the hobbit #balin #lord elrond

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mairi-mia1 · 4 years

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FARAMIR

Faramir was the second son of Denethor II and the younger brother of Boromir. He was the Captain of the Rangers of Ithilien and Captain of the White Tower upon his brother's death.

Faramir was born in the year TA 2983 to Denethor II and Finduilas, daughter of Adrahil of Dol Amroth. The following year, his grandfather Ecthelion II died and his father, Denethor, succeeded him as the Ruling Steward of Gondor.

When Faramir was five years old, Finduilas died. Her death caused Denethor to become detached from his family. The relationship between Faramir and Boromir, who was five years elder of the brothers, grew much closer and greater in love. Despite the obvious way that Denethor favored Boromir over Faramir, there was no jealousy or rivalry between them. Boromir protected and helped him, and Faramir looked up to his older brother. Although the siblings were very similar in appearance with their dark hair and grey eyes, it was not so in personality. Boromir was defined to be the more daring one, as well as the more fearless and strong warrior. Faramir’s boldness was incorrectly judged less due to his gentle nature and love of lore and music.

It was this interest that formed a friendship between Faramir and Gandalf the Grey. The youngest son of Denethor learned of what he could from Gandalf’s wisdom and mentoring. Denethor did not approve of Faramir as the "Wizard's pupil", for he neither trusted nor liked the Istar.

Faramir's leadership, skill-in-arms, and swift but hardy judgment proved to be handy on the battlefield. During the War of the Ring, he was the Captain of the Rangers of Ithilien, who often skirmished with the allies of Sauron in that province. Faramir valiantly defended Gondor from the Enemy, but did not enjoy fighting for war’s sake.

In June of 3018, Sauron's forces attacked Osgiliath, under the command of the Witch-king, whose presence caused the soldiers to draw back across the Anduin. When the last bridge was destroyed, in which Boromir’s and Faramir's companies remained, the two brothers, along with two others, swam to shore and managed to hold all of the west shores of the Anduin.

The night before the assault, Faramir had a prophetic dream of a voice speaking the following riddle:

‟Seek for the Sword that was broken:

In Imladris it dwells;

There shall be counsels taken

Stronger than Morgul-spells.

There shall be shown a token

That Doom is near at hand,

For Isildur's Bane shall waken,

And the Halfling forth shall stand”

—Faramir's dream

It came to Faramir twice more and once to his brother, and the brothers told of their dream to Denethor, who only told them that Imladris was an Elvish name for Rivendell, home of Elrond. Although Faramir had wanted to go for Gondor’s sake and was originally chosen by the Council of Elders in Gondor, Boromir, with the urging of his father, stepped forward and claimed the right to the errand, deeming it to be dangerous and doubtful. The Gondorian traveled nearly four months to Rivendell, losing his horse in the process near Tharbad, and arrived just before the Council of Elrond.

On February 29, 3019 at midnight, Faramir, who was on guard duty on the western shore in Osgiliath, waded down to a boat floating down the Anduin River. To his grief, it contained the dead body of his brother, which was pierced with many wounds. In it lay his sword, broken, but there was no sign of the Great Horn, which he and his father had heard being blown far across the distance in the North three days prior.

(I’m not sure if it’s stated in the books if this was a vision or not, let me know guys if you know the answer!)

During a battle with Southrons, Faramir, who took over his brother's position as the Captain of the White Tower, encountered the Hobbits Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee, recognizing them to be the Halflings his dream spoke of. After the skirmish, Faramir took the pair to Henneth Annûn and questioned them further.

Through intelligent questioning and intuition, Faramir determined that Frodo was carrying some great evil weapon of the Dark Lord of the Enemy. At this point, he showed the crucial difference between him and his proud brother:

“But fear no more! I would not take this thing, if it lay by the highway. Not were Minas Tirith falling in ruin and I alone could save her, so, using the weapon of the Dark Lord for her good and my glory. No, I do not wish for such triumphs, Frodo son of Drogo.”

This is obviously a lot more different than how he was in the movies.

Sam accidentally revealed Boromir's desire for the Enemy’s Ring, Isildur's Bane. Despite the hobbits’ fears, Faramir remained true to his vow that he would not take it even if it lay on the highway, for he was wise enough to realize that such a weapon could not be used for good. With this knowledge, he also realized the peril his brother had faced.

On the very same night, Gollum was spotted fishing in the Forbidden Pool next to Henneth Annûn -- an act punishable by death. Faramir listened to Frodo’s pleas to spare Gollum’s life though, and after interrogating the creature he decided that Frodo and Sam would be free in the Lands of Gondor and Gollum under Frodo's protection. Giving them provisions, he sent them on their way to continue their quest. At their parting, Faramir warned Frodo of Gollum's treacherous nature and that the path Gollum had proposed (Cirith Ungol) had an evil reputation of old.

Faramir and his company retreated to Cair Andros, an island in the River Anduin that guarded the northern approaches to Minas Tirith. After noting that the sky was now covered in complete darkness, Faramir sent his company south to reinforce the garrison at Osgiliath while he and three others of his men rode to Minas Tirith directly. Along the way, they were pursued by the Nazgûl, riding fell beasts. The men, except Faramir, were unhorsed and it was the Captain, a master of both beasts and men, who was still horsed and rode back to aid the fallen. If Gandalf had not intervened, they would have surely perished.

Arriving at Minas Tirith, Faramir reported to Denethor and Gandalf of his encounter with Frodo and Sam. Denethor became angry that Faramir had not brought the ring to Gondor, wishing that he and his brother’s places were reversed, since Denethor believed that Boromir would bring the Enemy’s weapon to him.

Denethor sent his remaining son to hold Western Osgiliath against the hosts of the Enemy that outnumbered their own greatly. Although Faramir disagreed with his father’s strategy, he agreed to go.

The Witch-king overwhelmed the men of Gondor and won Osgiliath. Faramir drew back to the Causeway Forts, in which many of the men were wounded or killed. Faramir decided to stay with the rearguard in order to make sure that the retreat over Pelennor Fields would not turn into a disaster.

Faramir was gravely wounded by a poisonous arrow during the retreat. Fortunately, Gandalf and Faramir's uncle, Prince Imrahil of Dol Amroth, rode to the aid of Faramir and the troops with hosts of cavalry. Imrahil bore Faramir back to Denethor, telling him that his son had done great deeds.

Regretting that he had thanklessly sent his son off in needless peril without his blessing, Denethor, after looking in the Palantir, believing that the Ring was captured and the end was near, ordered his servants to build a funeral pyre for him and his son, who was believed to be poisoned by the Witch-king’s dart. Despite the protests of the Hobbit, Pippin Took (serving the steward in payment of Boromir's death) that Faramir was still alive, Denethor continued with this madness and released him from his service.

Horrified, Pippin went to alert Gandalf and Beregond, one of the Tower Guards. Beregond, who loved his captain enough to abandon his post and risk his life protecting him, stopped the servants from lighting the pyre. Pippin returned with Gandalf, who intervened by taking Faramir off the pyre as Faramir moaned out to his father in his dreams. Denethor took out a knife, trying to take Faramir back, but Beregond placed himself in front of Faramir. Seeing that he could not win, Denethor lit the pyre and laid himself down upon it, burning himself alive.

Then, Faramir was laid in the Houses of Healing until Aragorn came and revived Faramir with athelas. It was not a poisoned dart of the Witch-king that wounded him in a state near death as it was with Snowmane, but the arrow of a Haradrim, along with Faramir’s weariness and grief concerning his constantly strained relationship with his father and the Black Breath of the Nazgul, who, under Sauron's orders, hunted Faramir ever since he had left Ithilien. When he awoke, Faramir immediately recognized Aragorn as his rightful King, therefore realizing that no proof was needed after all.

Before Aragorn left to lead the soldiers to the Black gate, he commanded the Warden of the Houses of Healing to have Faramir and Éowyn to remain resting for at least ten days. After Éowyn demanded that the Warden take her to the Steward of the City to have her released so she could ride out in battle, Faramir, whose heart was moved with pity and pierced by her beauty, told Éowyn that he too, had to heed the advice of the Warden. He fulfilled her request to have her room look east to Mordor and asked her to talk with him at times.

Faramir and Éowyn walked together in the gardens nearly every day, and he learned from Merry Brandybuck of Éowyn's despair of feeling trapped, waiting on the waning of Théoden, and of Aragorn's rejection of her love.

On March 25, Faramir gave Éowyn a dark blue mantle sewn with silver stars that had once belonged to his mother, as they stood at the wall that looked towards Mordor. There, they saw a threatening darkness towering over and seeing this, Faramir told her of his dream of the Downfall of Númenor that the darkness threatening to overtake Middle-earth reminded him of the great wave that swallowed the land of Númenor. Somehow, to Faramir and the people of the city, a hope and joy welled in their hearts and he kissed Éowyn’s brow.

Éowyn, however, still felt languished and unfulfilled. Several days after he gave her the mantle, Faramir told her that he understood that she desired to be lifted in greatness and out of the cage she had felt trapped in, and when Aragorn only gave her understanding and pity, instead of love (which she later realized was a shadow of love), she had wanted to die valiantly and gloriously in battle. He told her that though he had first pitied her, he now loved her. There, Éowyn’s grief was fully healed, and no longer did she desire glory or greatness and realized that she had come to love Faramir in return.

Faramir briefly served as the Ruling Steward of Gondor, and began preparing the city for the King's arrival. On the day of the King’s official coronation on May 1st, Faramir surrendered his office, which was represented by the white rod of the Steward, kneeling as he did so. Aragorn however, gave the rod back, announcing that as long as his line would last, Faramir and his descendants would be Stewards of Gondor. After Faramir had asked the people of Gondor if they accepted Aragorn as their King (which they did), Faramir took the crown out and Aragorn was crowned King Elessar.

King Elessar appointed Faramir as the Prince of Ithilien, and Beregond to be the Captain of his guard, the White Company. As Prince of Ithilien, he and the Prince of Dol Amroth, Gondor's two highest-ranking nobles, became King Elessar's chief commanders. His duties also included acting as resident march-warden of Gondor's main eastward outpost, rehabilitating the lost territories, as well as clearing it of outlaws and orcs and cleansing Minas Morgul of evil remnants. Faramir also fulfilled the traditional role as Steward, acting as the King’s chief counselor as well as ruling Gondor in the King's absence.

After marrying Éowyn, the two settled in Emyn Arnen, where they had at least one son (named Elboron). Elboron would succeed Faramir as Steward of Gondor, Prince of Ithilien, and Lord of Emyn Arnen, after Faramir's death in FO 82. Faramir lived to be 120 years old, due to the large percentage of pure Dúnedain ancestry he possessed as a member of the nobility of Gondor. One of his descendants was Barahir, who may have been the son of Elboron.

Other names and Titles -

Captain of the Rangers of lthilien

Captain of the White Tower

Steward to the King of Gondor

Lord of Emyn Arnen

Prince of Ithilien

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xxbyimm · 7 years

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Enya’s Unexpected Journey - Chapter 8

For all other chapters, click the number: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

Chapter 8

Summary: Enya tries to be a perfect lady and learns a great deal about her kin. They run into Radagast the Brown. Who knew bunnies were so cute?

Another day in the wild. Enya woke up in a particular grumpy mood and could not determine why. Her abdomen was upset and she felt a tantrum brewing inside her, one of which the likes this company had not seen yet. There were valid reasons enough for that, she smirked. But her whole body felt bloated and her stomach hurted. What was wrong with her?

Oh no. A daunting thought appeared in her mind and hit her like a lightning bolt. 'Of course, you idiot!' She muttered. There was that little problem with her birth control pill, which laid neatly on her night stand. At home. Where she could not reach it. Enya sighed. This was perfect. Her body decided that it was time to set loose all the hormones her pill had controled for years. Enya watched the dwarves as they packed their stuff and prepared themselves to leave. Oh hell no. She could not leave before she took care of her "situation". She quickly got on her feet and rummaged through her traveling bag. She hoped she had carried her running shirt with her. When she could not find it, she turned over her bag and all her belongings rolled over the forest soil. 'Hey! You are supposed to pack, not unpack!' Said Bofur. 'I know.' Grumbled Enya. 'I was searching for something.' 'Ah!' She let out a relieved sigh when she found that bright shiny green piece of cloth. Extra absorbant. She hoped it would do just as good a job in absorbing other body fluids as it did with sweat... 'What is that? What do you need that for?' Bofur asked while he snatched her shirt away from her. 'Can you give me that back please?' She asked politely. Bofur grinned. Enya watched him while she packed her bag again. She did not want any other curious dwarves going through her most precious belongings. 'Bofur?' She tilted her head in an attempt to get her shirt back, but it had no effect. 'I have found it.' Said Bofur. 'And that means I can keep it." 'You don't even know what it is!' Enya said. 'No.' Admitted Bofur. 'But I like the color.' 'And I happen to need it' grumbled Enya. 'So give it back' Bofur watched her as she walked to him. Allright, if she could not persuade him to give it back, she had to come up with another strategy. She wanted to try her best to be the perfect mannered lady, but even those ambitions had its limits. And fearing the daunting idea that she would have to miss the only option of a pad, was on of them. If he wanted to play dirty, she would play along. Enya smiled at Bofur and in the blink of an eye she snatched the tobacco pouch, that was hanging around his neck, from its place. 'Oh!' She purred. 'Look what I have found!' 'Hey! Give that back!' Bofur demanded. Enya did her best to look innocent. 'But I found it! And you told me, that accordding to the dwarf laws, I am allowed to keep it!' 'Allright miss.' Bofur laughed. 'We're even. Now give it back.' Enya narrowed her eyes. 'I want my shirt back first.' Bofure sighed. 'You are learning, aren't you?' Enya didn't answer and held up her hand. Carefully, Bofur placed her shirt back in her hands. Enya took a few steps backwards. 'I want my pouch back!' 'I will keep it as a down payment until I am sure my shirt is safe!' Enya said. 'You witch' muttered Bofur. 'You will get it back' teased Enya. Bofur folded his arms and looked angrily at her. 'You know,' Enya told him before she disappeared in the forest. 'Patience is a virtue!'

When Enya joined the -now ready to leave- company, she felt much better. Sure, she had to shred her shirt into pieces, but on the bright side, she now had a few re-usable ladies pads. She wondered how other women in middle earth were coping with this problem. No doubt the majority of them was forced to stay at home. She sighed and giggled when she saw Bofur standing before her. 'My tobacco pouch?' Bofur tried. Enya took it from her traveling bag and handed it over. 'Next time you steal something from me, you won't get it back' Enya said. She followed the dwarves as they started to continue their journey into the wild.

A few days later Enya was caught up in her thoughts, which resulted in being on of the last of the company in the back of the group.

'What is on your mind miss?' She startled when Balin appeared next to her. Balin never traveled in the back of the group. He always seemed to be around Thorin in the front, determining the way and giving him advice on subjects she only could imagine. Since their little rendez-vous a few days ago, she avoided Thorin like the plague, which meant she hadn't talked to Balin for a few days too. Her heart lit up when she imaged Thorin sending Balin towards her to check how she was doing. NO! She corrected herself. He made clear to her she was an uncivilized human being. He had no interest in her whatsoever. Besides, he had more important matters to worry about. She should be thinking about other more irrelevant matters, like the fact that her period was finally at its end. 'I'm pleased to see you, Balin!' Enya smiled. 'I was just thinking about dwarf habits and social rules... and how little I know about those. It makes me feel... uncivilized sometimes.' Balin grinned. 'The social norms we use are not that complicated.' 'Why is it I never have heard of women in your kin? -Erm, I mean, I apologize if I'm too bold, but I don't know who else I could ask.' 'It's fine miss. I won't judge you for wanting to fit in' answered Balin. Enya shrugged. Was it that obvious? 'There are more dwarvish men than women' Balin said. 'Our women prefer to stay at home to do their duties. They won't travel, unless they are in great need.' Enya frowned. 'That sounds pretty medieval to me.' When she saw Balin staring at her, she laughed. 'I'm sorry. I meant that in my world, women and men are equal. Well, we pretend to be anyway. We won't let ourselves be contrained by the roles we were given because of our gender.' 'But what is wrong with staying home and doing your duties there?' Balin asked, obviously perplexed. 'It doesn't mean out women are less valued then the men... That is a far cry from the truth!' 'No, I did not mean it is wrong to do so. I just... in my world it doesn't work that way.' Balin smiled. 'I see' Enya sighed. 'I am so sorry Balin! It is hard for me to adjust to these standards.' Balin shook his head. 'No hardship, miss' 'No, really, I mean it!' Enya stated. 'I beg you, can you teach me more about my kin?' Balin beamed, very pleased with the fact that Enya acknowleged her ancestry. 'I will tell you everything I know, miss Enya.'

Along the next couple of days, Enya learned a great deal about dwarves. During the day, she harrassed poor Balin with all kinds of questions about culture, language, social norms and sometimes even courtship. She learned dwarves were monogamous and a large amount of their kin would never take a wife. When Enya asked why, Balin simply stated that most of them were too busy with their crafts. At night, Balin told her about the history of their kin. Often Enya found herself completely mezmorized by the heroïc tales of their ancestors. She learned about the story behind their quest, the destruction of Erebor and the meeting with the much hated pale white orc. Fíli and Kíli sat often with her and enjoyed the tales as much as she did. The first few days after their little stunt had been very awkward. Thorin had made them apologize to her and continued to ignore all three of them. Because they were all victims of his wrath, they lingered together in the back of the group. She quickly became attached to them and they treated her as one of their accomplishes. But when they listened to Balin in silence, Thorin often watched them from a distance, his attractive face unreadable. During these moments, Enya sometimes caught his gaze but his face never lit up.

They were tracking in a particularly rocky area, when Thorin suddenly stopt the group. His face said it all: someone was approaching their group in high speed. They heard branches snapping and the trees were rushing as someone passed them. Enya heard little paws running. Suddenly, a wooden sleigh appeared from the forest. It was pulled forward by ten overly sized rabbits. Enya's first reflex was to pick one of them up and sqeeze them tight to her chest, but she was distracted by the man that was on the sleigh. He seemed an odd fellow, with dark brown hair and an impressive beard. He was screaming. 'THIEVES! MURDER!' 'Radagast!' Gandalf looked very relieved and everyone lowered their weapons when they realized this man could never be a thread to them. Radagast the Brown... 'He is the wizards who keeps a watchful eye in the east, right?' Enya whispered at Bombur. Bombur just nodded. Gandalf and Radagast trailed off, obviously to discuss a pressing matter. The members of the company made themselves comfortable while they waited. Enya lowered herself and sat right next to where the rabbits were grazing. 'Hi there' she said in a soft tone. The biggest one looked up and sniffed at her hand. 'May I pet you?' She asked. It didn't provide her with an answer, so she carefully raised her hand and started to stroke it gently. The rabbit gave her its consent and pushed its head in the palm of her hand. Enya giggled. She knew this sign all too well. She could proceed. 'What are you doing?' Dwalin scoffed. 'I am giving them some love.' Enya answered. 'They are gentle creatures and deserve your respect.' Dwalin smirked and walked away. Enya sighed and went on with petting every furry member of the little pack. By the time she was finished, Gandalf and Radagast had returned. 'They normally won't allow strangers to approach them' the wizard said, clearly puzzled. Enya wanted to answer that she knew her way around animals, but the look on his face told her he would not he impressed by such a response. Radagast regarded her with curiousity and gently touched her handpalms. 'She is indeed strong, Gandalf. The powers of nature are flowing through her.' 'Fire, ice. The agressive forces' Gandalf nodded. Radagast turned to Enya. 'Try to be one with mother nature. Find peace, balance. If you do, the more subtle forces will flow through you as well.' When Enya shot him a confused glance, he said: 'Water, air. Maybe even earth. When you master those elements, you are able to control the most powerful source nature posesses.' Enya instantly knew the answer. 'Lightning and thunder.' Radagast nodded. 'But why am I called a fire witch then?' She asked. 'Because that matches your temperament. You are fierce. To stay in balance, you must let all their energies flow through you.' It was Gandalf who answered. 'I could take her, to guide her-' Radagast mused, but Thorin broke into the conversation. 'We need her.' He said in a low, authoritative voice. Enya shot him a confused glance. Would they? She was still exploring the bounderies of her powers, which sometimes made her a bit unstable. Also, her fighting skills were no match to any of them.

They all shook up when they heard a wolf howling. Enya wondered if it was one, because it sounded a bit off. 'Is that a wolf?' Bilbo asked. 'No. This is a warg scout.' Dwalin cursed. 'Which means an orc pack is not far behind.' Muttered Thorin. Before they could prepare, the warg scout jumped through the bushes, followed by another one. While Enya was still processing what was actually going on, the dwarves killed both creatures. 'Who did you tell about your quest beyond your kin?' Gandalf asked Thorin. 'No one.' 'Who did you tell?' Pressed the wizard. 'Nobody. I swear.' Gandalf sighed. 'Then I believe you are being hunted.' 'I'll draw them off' Radagast proposed. 'These are gundabad wargs, they will outrun you' Gandalf shouted. 'These are rhosgobel rabbits.' Radagast shot back. 'I'd like to see them try.'

They ran for their lives. Enya was secretly worried that the cute oversized rabbits would not make it, but her instinct told her they would be fine. It seemed Radagast loved his animals far too much to put their lives at stake. She panted and thanked herself for her daily running routine. Bombur on the other hand seemed to have a hard time keeping up. 'Where are we going?' She asked, but nobody bothered to provide her with an answer. She sighed when they had to hide from one member of the orc pack and pressed herself against the boulder. Thorin silently instructed Kíli to shot the warg and his rider. The young dwarf prince tried, but killing the warg made so much noise that by the time both foul creatures were dead, they had the full orc pack on their tail again. 'Well, at least the diversion worked for a few minutes' Enya thought. 'Run!' Screamed Gandalf and everyone was happy to oblige. 'Were are you leading us?' Asked Thorin, but Gandalf ignored him. Suddenly Gandalf disappeared and they found themselves surrounded by the orc pack. 'Hold your ground!' Screamed Thorin. Enya noticed that even in life threatening situations he was irresistable. Very easy on the eye. 'Shut up' she muttered and she grabbed the weapons she got from the troll hoard they searched after their little adventure. The two sai she chose shone bright in the sun. She held them tight in her hands and smiled. Bring it on. 'Over here, you fools!' Enya turned and saw Gandalf waving at them. He was standing at the side of a crevasse and jumped. Thorin shouted everyone should follow. Enya quickly let herself slide down and landed softly in the cave. Dwalin decided to look ahead and concluded that he could not see where it lead. 'Do we follow it or no?' He asked. 'Follow it of course!' Bofur shouted back.

They all followed and ended up in a breathtaking valley. Rivendell. Enya smiled. Although she should be not overly fond of elves, she could not imagine that the inhabitants of such a beautiful valley were not trustworthy. She sighed and winked at Bilbo, who was standing next to her. He seemed as much in awe as she was. 'So, Bilbo. The dwarves won't like this valley any bit, so they probably will leave any investigation to us. Are you up for that?' Bilbo's face lit up. 'Yes, miss Enya. I would very much like so.'

#thorin oakenshield #thorin x reader #thorin x oc #the hobbit #thorin #thorin imagine #adventure #fluff and smut #eventual smut #romance #magic

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willpowerbutch · 7 years

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Donald Trump: An Investigation, Part 1

By Willpower Butch

It is the wisdom of many erudite historians that what social, economic, and existential ills are not caused by the government are the work of anal omnivores. Since the untimely French vacation of eminent manly man Jack Palance in 1963, the core of the American political regime and the organized wedding pansies have been one and the same. In an age where many crimes go unaccounted for -- from ukulele loners to interactive Barbie phalloplasty kits -- one matter in particular is near to the substantial biceps of Manly Men! Magazine’s editorial staff. By way of investigating Paul Dano’s illegal gaysexualization of Sad Gandalf’s dick magnet, correspondent Paragon Shag proceeded with all haste to the residence of Donald J. Trump, America’s most prominent true crime celebrity and sheik of sexual harassment on earth, who could surely answer his enlarged questions. Armed on this holy mission with only a family-size canister of drugstore blush, he embarked from his Rhode Island property on Good Friday, 2017, ignorant of the Spanish activist poetry that awaited him.

Cant-bro I: Escaping the Wood

Passing from the cul-de-sac of his condemned bourbon mattress into the backwoods from Gus Van Sant’s Japanese suicide fetish, Shag felt his ankle hair shrivel into nanciful fuzz. His heart was stopped by a flood of genteel dignity. “Lesbians,” he whispered, pouncing behind a boulder just as the grotesque silhouette of a buzz-cut, muscle-shirt-clad pregnantagonist emerged from the tight opening between two arched fruit trees. Slowing to adjust her pocketless denim, the mammarian sniffed the air carefully. Upon detecting the spice of heterosexual perfection, she made her way to Shag’s rock. She halted before it and touched the surface, causing the stone to crumble into the chalk of a million surprise Ecstasy fellatios. Shag clutched his package as he came indecently into view of the she-man.

“You think you can infect us with rape culture?” she screamed. “We may all be vegan indie rappers, but that doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy watching you spin on a medical dildo to the soundtrack from The Joy Luck Club, Testomorph.” Her eyes glinted with body-positive armpit worship. “This is for Wonder Woman.” Brandishing her boy band-scented implements, she approached Shag, channeling the evil power of quinoa. “Say goodbye to your white privilege.”

Suddenly, a monster truck of sacred light descended from the treetops, and before them appeared the long-dead ghost of Mickey Rourke. Shag recoiled in manly courage, but the fair-weather Buddhist was undeterred. “You think you can fight me with a freezer-burnt church stroker? I have the miracle of childbirth on my side,” she snorted with disdainful laughter.

The shade crouched low, drawing his gargantuan arm back, and took a deep drag from his coal cigar. “Children are pussies,” he roared, and with that, he let fly his fist. It connected with her chin, sending the womosexual high into the air, into the sun, vanishing from sight like Dominic Monaghan.

Shag exhaled his morally ungay emotion. Left alone with this stranger, it occurred to him that the phantom may not be all that it seemed until, finally, it addressed him. “If I have to look at these goddamn trees for five more seconds, I’m gonna beat them into popsicle sticks.” Shag relaxed then, reassured that it was truly the spirit of his late gym partner.

“Help me, sir, for I am on a butch task to make Donald Trump answer for his Edith Piaf slippers,” appealed the correspondent. He then bit off his own breast envy and broke down into a display of armless push-ups. Moved by Shag’s engorging virility, Rourke flexed his affirmation, and the two individual men set out in vague, unlubricated proximity of each other.

After a distinguished silence, Shag asked Rourke how he had come to know of Shag’s throbbing adventure.

“The guy who told me to come is the baddest motherfucker of any of us,” said he. “He makes Arnold Schwarzenegger look like Jean-Claude van Damme.”

“No,” replied Shag in disbelief. “It cannot be.”

“You bet your ass it’s David Carradine,” shouted Rourke, kicking a squirrel.

Heartened by the muscular attention of his hero, Shag and his comrade boarded the train to Satan’s province and began their long travail.

Cant-bro II: Limbo

When Shag awoke, they had arrived in the first circle of hell. “Why is everyone bent over?” he asked. “Is this some sort of Episcopalian ritual?”

“No, man,” came Rourke’s hushed warning. “It’s the Greeks. God threw them in the bullshit for inventing shade.” So distressed was my friend the correspondent at the sight of ethnics trying to deal with Joan Crawford that he fell back swiftly into a troubled sleep.

Cant-bro III: Gays

He came to once more to the sound of innocent children being corrupted by manga. “Where are we now?” Shag inquired of his guide and then noticed heterosexfully that Rourke was sitting by the opposite window, a crossbow lodged under his heroically swelling nipples. “Are we under attack?”

“Yes,” the manly man growled back. “We are under attack for our marriage.” It was then that Shag heard a loud synthesizer from without the train, and the car pendulated. Thrown up against the glass, he saw with his own eyes what was destroying America: dozens of small gays ramming up against the cabin like erect wasps, violently knitting war film bisexuals. In the center of them emerged a glittery, Baileys-drenched ‘70s muscle stripper, the sight of whom caused Shag’s blood to freeze. “Darling! You came back for another taste of my see-through ice cream!” purred the woman. It was Ben Whishaw, undulating in his bead skirt as he stroked a hand sensuously through the bristles of his porn mustache. Aroused by the presence of sweaty men, he came to alertness out of his Tylenol-induced strip-tease and, after disentangling himself from a blonde naval street predator, he leapt through the open window beside Shag.

“My love!” he exclaimed, demurely licking Shag’s stratum of chest hair. “Don’t be afraid. I’m a changed man. Look!” Whishaw touched his upper lip proudly. “I’ve become a straight!”

“Don’t listen to Hindu Rachel Weisz,” yelled Rourke. “She’s tryna slip white wine in your vodka!”

Shag karate-chopped the wall, sending a number of homosexists flying. “I will never fund your bearded child pageant!” he declared. With that, he lifted Whishaw high above his head and tossed him back out the window like a paper mache lioness. “Go peddle your human protein shakes elsewhere, Boy George!”

Soon, Paragon Shag slumped back in his seat, exhausted by his sacred duty to resuscitate divorce. The manly men’s train pulled out of the gay wastelands skillfully, and as it did, they heard in the distance the nasal voices of trendy Jesuits seducing Mahler fairies at a midnight Waffle House as they descended further into America.

Cant-bro IV: KFC

“What is the meaning of this?” Shag demanded as their vessel nose-dived into a lake of fiery chicken grease. “You cannot tell me that the ‘90s is here, too?” Rourke shook his head and indicated out the window, where Shag beheld a remarkable thing: an enormous structure in the shape of God’s preference of men, its tip aglow with yellow lights. It read, ‘Drumpf Shaft.’ Shag looked upon it with his mouth open, doused in pure, volcanic admiration.

“Why,” Shag breathed, “I don’t believe I have ever beheld such an attractive spectacle.” The thing rose so high and proud that it blotted into the sun, casting the netherworld in moist darkness. “It must be so wonderful on the inside. Shall we try to see it up close?”

Losing patience, Rourke disciplined my friend with a majestic bitch parade. “That’s how the queers get you,” Rourke cautioned him. “One day you’re admiring each other’s towers, and the next he’s licking Halloween glitter off your sliding back door.” Shag swallowed his disgust, and his arm hair grew three inches in manly indignation. So that’s what happened to James Franco, he thought bitterly.

Their train continued to slice through the countryside, leaving far in its wake the many fabulants of years past who had made the world today such a cataclysm of Nancy Sinatra hookers. A rare calm befell them. As Shag stretched out again, lulled by the peaceful monsoon winds and the biblical throw-downs of slap-fighting car wash preachers, he confided in his companion. “If it could only be like this always. Always men. Manly men. The manliest-tempered ungay fruit ripeness of muscle manliness. Men.”

TO BE CONTINUED

***

About the Authors

Admiral Willpower Butch cemented his reputation as the 21st century’s most important journalist when he became the first member of the press to condemn Antonio Banderas for seducing America. Today, his various masculine pursuits include stealing the rest of John Waters’ mustache, hacking down the Amazon with his fists, and not having cried since Rock Hudson was born. His friend and faithful correspondent, Paragon Shag, is driven to righteousness by the memory of Colin Firth’s heterosexuality. Their secretary, Dead Summer Days, is the kind of guy who practices karate in public restrooms.

#attempted satire #obviously #willpower butch #donald trump #paragon shag #investigation #vague mentions of #paul dano #ben whishaw #humor #dante #inferno #parody

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readbookywooks · 7 years

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Out of the Frying-Pan into the Fire

Bilbo had escaped the goblins, but he did not know where he was. He had lost hood, cloak, food, pony, his buttons and his friends. He wandered on and on, till the sun began to sink westwards-behind the mountains. Their shadows fell across Bilbo's path, and he looked back. Then he looked forward and could see before him only ridges and slopes falling towards lowlands and plains glimpsed occasionally between the trees. "Good heavens!" he exclaimed. "I seem to have got right to the other side of the Misty Mountains, right to the edge of the Land Beyond! Where and O where can Gandalf and the dwarves have got to? I only hope to goodness they are not still back there in the power of the goblins!" He still wandered on, out of the little high valley, over its edge, and down the slopes beyond; but all the while a very uncomfortable thought was growing inside him. He wondered whether he ought not, now he had the magic ring, to go back into the horrible, horrible, tunnels and look for his friends. He had just made up his mind that it was his duty, that he must turn back-and very miserable he felt about it-when he heard voices. He stopped and listened. It did not sound like goblins; so he crept forward carefully. He was on a stony path winding downwards with a rocky wall. on the left hand; on the other side the ground sloped away and there were dells below the level of the path overhung with bushes and low trees. In one of these dells under the bushes people were talking. He crept still nearer, and suddenly he saw peering between two big boulders a head with a red hood on: it was Balin doing look-out. He could have clapped and shouted for joy, but he did not. He had still got the ring on, for fear of meeting something unexpected and unpleasant, and he saw that Balin was looking straight at him without noticing him. "I will give them all a surprise," he thought, as he crawled into the bushes at the edge of the dell. Gandalf was arguing with the dwarves. They were discussing all that had happened to them in the tunnels, and wondering and debating what they were to do now. The dwarves were grumbling, and Gandalf was saying that they could not possibly go on with their journey leaving Mr. Baggins in the hands of the goblins, without trying to find out if he was alive or dead, and without trying to rescue him. "After all he is my friend," said the wizard, "and not a bad little chap. I feel responsible for him. I wish to goodness you had not lost him." The dwarves wanted to know why he had ever been brought at all, why he could not stick to his friends and come along with them, and why the wizard had not chosen someone with more sense. "He has been more trouble than use so far," said one. "If we have got to' go back now into those abominable tunnels to look for him, then drat him, I say." Gandalf answered angrily: "I brought him, and I don't bring things that are of no use. Either you help me to look for him, or I go and leave you here to get out of the mess as best you can yourselves. If we can only find him again, you will thank me before all is over. Whatever did you want to go and drop him for, Dori?" "You would have dropped him," said Dori, "if a goblin had suddenly grabbed your leg from behind in the dark, tripped up your feet, and kicked you in the back!" "Then why didn't you pick him up again?" "Good heavens! Can you ask! Goblins fighting and biting in the dark, everybody falling over bodies and hitting one another! You nearly chopped off my head with Glamdring, and Thorin Was stabbing here there and everywhere with Orcrist. All of a sudden you gave one of your blinding flashes, and we saw the goblins running back yelping. You shouted 'follow me everybody!' and everybody ought to have followed. We thought everybody had. There was no time to count, as you know quite well, till we had dashed through the gate-guards, out of the lower door, and helter-skelter down here. And here we are-without the burglar, confusticate him!" "And here's the burglar!" said Bilbo stepping down into the middle of them, and slipping off the ring. Bless me, how they jumped! Then they shouted with surprise and delight. Gandalf was as astonished as any of them, but probably more pleased than all the others. He called to Balin and told him what he thought of a look-out man who let people walk right into them like that without warning. It is a fact that Bilbo's reputation went up a very great deal with the dwarves after this. If they had still doubted that he was really a first-class burglar, in spite of Gandalf's words, they doubted no longer. Balin was the most puzzled of all; but everyone said it was a very clever bit of work. Indeed Bilbo was so pleased with their praise that he just chuckled inside and said nothing whatever about the ring; and when they asked him how he did it, he said: "O, just crept along, you know-very carefully and quietly." "Well, it is the first time that even a mouse has crept along carefully and quietly under my very nose and not been spotted," said Balin, "and I take off my hood to you." Which he did. "Balin at your service," said he. "Your servant, Mr. Baggins," said Bilbo. Then they wanted to know all about his adventures after they had lost him, and he sat down and told them everything-except about the finding of the ring ("not just now" he thought). They were particularly interested in the riddle-competition, and shuddered most appreciatively at his description of Gollum. "And then I couldn't think of any other question with him sitting beside me," ended Bilbo; "so I said 'what's in my pocket?' And he couldn't guess in three goes. So I said: 'what about your promise? Show me the way out!' But he came at me to kill me, and I ran, and fell over, and he missed me in the dark. Then I followed him, because I heard him talking to himself. He thought I really knew the way out, and so he was making for it. And then he sat down in the entrance, and I could not get by. So I jumped over him and escaped, and ran down to the gate." "What about guards?" they asked. "Weren't there any?" "O yes! lots of them; but I dodged 'em. I got stuck in the door, which was only open a crack, and I lost lots of buttons," he said sadly looking at his torn clothes. "But I squeezed through all right-and here I am." The dwarves looked at him with quite a new respect, when he talked about dodging guards, jumping over Gollum, and squeezing through, as if it was not very difficult or very alarming. "What did I tell you?" said Gandalf laughing. "Mr. Baggins has more about him than you guess." He gave Bilbo a queer look from under his bushy eyebrows, as he said this, and the hobbit wondered if he guessed at the part of his tale that he had left out. Then he had questions of his own to ask, for if Gandalf had explained it all by now to the dwarves, Bilbo had not heard it. He wanted to know how the wizard had turned up again, and where they had all got to now. The wizard, to tell the truth, never minded explaining his cleverness more than once, so now he had told Bilbo that both he and Elrond had been well aware of the presence of evil goblins in that part of the mountains. But their main gate used to come out on a different pass, one more easy to travel by, so that they often caught people benighted near their gates. Evidently people had given up going that way, and the goblins must have opened their new entrance at the top of the pass the dwarves had taken, quite recently, because it had been found quite safe up to now. "I must see if I can't find a more or less decent giant to block it up again," said Gandalf, "or soon there will be no getting over the mountains at all." As soon as Gandalf had heard Bilbo's yell he realized what had happened. In the flash which killed the goblins that were grabbing him he had nipped inside the crack, just as it snapped to. He followed after the drivers and prisoners right to the edge of the great hall, and there he sat down and worked up the best magic he could in the shadows. "A very ticklish business, it was," he said. "Touch and go!" But, of course, Gandalf had made a special study of bewitchments with fire and lights (even the hobbit had never forgotten the magic fireworks at Old Took's midsummer-eve parties, as you remember). The rest we all know - except that Gandalf knew all about the back-door, as the goblins called the lower gate, where Bilbo lost his buttons. As a matter of fact it was well known to anybody who was acquainted with this part of the mountains; but it took a wizard to keep his head in the tunnels and guide them in the right direction. "They made that gate ages ago," he said, "partly for a way of escape, if they needed one; partly as a way out into the lands beyond, where they still come in the dark and do great damage. They guard it always and no one has ever managed to block it up. They will guard it doubly after this," he laughed. All the others laughed too. After all they had lost a good deal, but they had killed the Great Goblin and a great many others besides, and they had all escaped, so they might be said to have had the best of it so far. But the wizard called them to their senses. "We must be getting on at once, now we are a little rested," he said. "They will be out after us in hundreds when night comes on; and already shadows are lengthening. They can smell our footsteps for hours and hours after we have passed. We must be miles on before dusk. There will be a bit of moon, if it keeps fine, and that is lucky. Not that they mind the moon much, but it will give us a little light to steer by." "O yes!" he said in answer to more questions from the hobbit. "You lose track of time inside goblin-tunnels. Today's Thursday, and it was Monday night or Tuesday morning that we were captured. We have gone miles and miles, and come right down through the heart of the mountains, and are now on the other side-quite a short cut. But we are not at the point to which our pass would have brought us; we are too far to the North, and have some awkward country ahead. And we are still pretty high up. Let's get on!" "I am so dreadfully hungry," groaned Bilbo, who was suddenly aware that he had not had a meal since the night before the night before last. Just think of that for a hobbit! His stomach felt all empty and loose and his legs all wobbly, now that the excitement was over. "Can't help it," said Gandalf, "unless you like to go back and ask the goblins nicely to let you have your pony back and your luggage." "No thank you!" said Bilbo. "Very well then, we must just tighten our belts and trudge on - or we shall be made into supper, and that will be much worse than having none ourselves." As they went on Bilbo looked from side to side for something to eat; but the blackberries were still only in flower, and of course there were no nuts, nor even hawthorn-berries. He nibbled a bit of sorrel, and he drank from a small mountain-stream that crossed the path, and he ate three wild strawberries that he found on its bank, but it was not much good. They still went on and on. The rough path disappeared. The bushes, and the long grasses, between the boulders, the patches of rabbit-cropped turf, the thyme and the sage and the marjoram, and the yellow rockroses all vanished, and they found themselves at the top of a wide steep slope of fallen stones, the remains of a landslide. When they began to go down this, rubbish and small pebbles rolled away from their feet; soon larger bits of split stone went clattering down and started other pieces below them slithering and rolling; then lumps of rocks were disturbed and bounded off, crashing down with a dust and a noise. Before long the whole slope above them and below them seemed on the move, and they were sliding away, huddled all together, in a fearful confusion of slipping, rattling, cracking slabs and stones. It was the trees at the bottom that saved them. They slid into the edge of a climbing wood of pines that here stood right up the mountain slope from the deeper darker forests of the valleys below. Some caught hold of the trunks and swung themselves into lower branches, some (like the little hobbit) got behind a tree to shelter from the onslaught of the rocks. Soon the danger was over, the slide had stopped, and the last faint crashes could be heard as the largest of the disturbed stones went bounding and spinning among the bracken and the pine-roots far below. "Well! that has got us on a bit," said Gandalf; "and even goblins tracking us will have a job to come down here quietly." "I daresay," grumbled Bombur; "but they won't find it difficult to send stones bouncing down on our heads." The dwarves (and Bilbo) were feeling far from happy, and were rubbing their bruised and damaged legs and feet. "Nonsense! We are going to turn aside here out of the path of the slide. We must be quick! Look at the light!" The sun had long gone behind the mountains. Already the shadows were deepening about them, though far away through the trees and over the black tops of those growing lower down they could still see the evening lights on the plains beyond. They limped along now as fast as they were able down the gentle slopes of a pine forest in a slanting path leading steadily southwards. At times they were pushing through a sea of bracken with tall fronds rising right above the hobbit's head; at times they were marching along quiet as quiet over a floor of pine-needles; and all the while the forest-gloom got heavier and the forest-silence deeper. There was no wind that evening to bring even a sea-sighing into the branches of the trees. "Must we go any further?" asked Bilbo, when it was so dark that he could only just see Thorin's beard wagging beside him, and so quiet that he could hear the dwarves' breathing like a loud noise. "My toes are all bruised and bent, and my legs ache, and my stomach is wagging like an empty sack." "A bit further," said Gandalf. After what seemed ages further they came suddenly to an opening where no trees grew. The moon was up and was shining into the clearing. Somehow it struck all of them as not at all a nice place, although there was nothing wrong to see. All of a sudden they heard a howl away down hill, a long shuddering howl. It was answered by another away to the right and a good deal nearer to them, then by another not far away to the left. It was wolves howling at the moon,wolves gathering together! There were no wolves living near Mr. Baggins' hole at home, but he knew that noise. He had had it described to him often enough in tales. One of his elder cousins (on the Took side), who had been a great traveller, used to imitate it to frighten him. To hear it out in the forest under the moon was too much for Bilbo. Even magic rings are not much use against wolves-especially against the evil packs that lived under the shadow of the goblin-infested mountains, over the Edge of the Wild on the borders of the unknown. Wolves of that sort smell keener than goblins, and do not need to see you to catch you! "What shall we do, what shall we do!" he cried. "Escaping goblins to be caught by wolves!" he said, and it became a proverb, though we now say 'out of the frying-pan into the fire' in the same sort of uncomfortable situations. "Up the trees quick!" cried Gandalf; and they ran to the trees at the edge of the glade, hunting for those that had branches fairly low, or were slender enough to swarm up. They found them as quick as ever they could, you can guess; and up they went as high as ever they could trust the branches. You would have laughed (from a safe distance), if you had seen the dwarves sitting up in the trees with their beards dangling down, like old gentlemen gone cracked and playing at being boys. Fili and Kili were at the top of a tall larch like an enormous Christmas tree. Dori, Nori, On, Oin, and Gloin were more comfortable in a huge pine with regular branches sticking out at intervals like the spokes of a wheel. Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, and Thorin were in another. Dwalin and Balin had swarmed up a tall slender fir with few branches and were trying to find a place to sit in the greenery of the topmost boughs. Gandalf, who was a good deal taller than the others, had found a tree into which they could not climb, a large pine standing at the very edge of the glade. He was quite hidden in its boughs, but you could see his eyes gleaming in the moon as he peeped out. And Bilbo? He could not get into any tree, and was scuttling about from trunk to trunk, like a rabbit that has lost its hole and has a dog after it. "You've left the burglar behind again}" said Nori to Dori looking down. "I can't be always carrying burglars on my back," said Dori, "down tunnels and up trees! What do you think I am? A porter?" "He'll be eaten if we don't 'do something," said Thorin, for there were howls all around them now, getting nearer and nearer. "Dori!" he called, for Dori was lowest down in the easiest tree, "be quick, and give Mr. Baggins a hand up!" Dori was really a decent fellow in spite of his grumbling. Poor Bilbo could not reach his hand even when he climbed down to the bottom branch and hung his arm down as far as ever he could. So Dori actually climbed out of the tree and let Bilbo scramble up and stand on his back. Just at that moment the wolves trotted howling into the clearing. All of a sudden there were hundreds of eyes looking at them. Still Dori did not let Bilbo down. He waited till he had clambered off his shoulders into the branches, and then he jumped for the branches himself. Only just in time! A wolf snapped - at his cloak as he swung up, and nearly got him. In a minute there was a whole pack of them yelping all round the tree and leaping up at the trunk, with eyes blazing and tongues hanging out. But even the wild Wargs (for so the evil wolves over the Edge of the Wild were named) cannot climb trees. For a time they were safe. 'Luckily it was warm and not windy. Trees are not very comfortable to sit in for long at any time; but in the cold and the wind, with wolves all round below waiting for you, they can be perfectly miserable places. This glade in the ring of trees was evidently a meeting-place of the wolves. More and more kept coming in. They left guards at the foot of the tree in which Dori and Bilbo were, and then went sniffling about till they had smelt out every tree that had anyone in it. These they guarded too, while all the rest (hundreds and hundreds it seemed) went and sat in a great circle in the glade; and in the middle of the circle was a great grey wolf. He spoke to them in the dreadful language of the Wargs. Gandalf understood it. Bilbo did not, but it sounded terrible to him, and as if all their talk was about cruel and wicked things, as it was. Every now and then all the Wargs in the circle would answer their grey chief all together, and their dreadful clamour almost made the hobbit fall out of his pine-tree. I will tell you what Gandalf heard, though Bilbo did not understand it. The Wargs and the goblins often helped one another in wicked deeds. Goblins do not usually venture very far from their mountains, unless they are driven out and are looking for new homes, or are marching to war (which I am glad to say has not happened for a long while). But in those days they sometimes used to go on raids, especially to get food or slaves to work for them. Then they often got the Wargs to help and shared the plunder with them. Sometimes they rode on wolves like men do on horses. Now it seemed that a great goblin-raid had been planned for that very night. The Wargs had come to meet the goblins and the goblins were late. The reason, no doubt, was the death of the Great Goblin, and all the excitement caused by the dwarves and Bilbo and the wizard, for whom they were probably still hunting. In spite of the dangers of this far land bold men had of late been making their way back into it from the South, cutting down trees, and building themselves places to live in among the more pleasant woods in the valleys and along the river-shores. There were many of them, and they were brave and well-armed, and even the Wargs dared not attack them if there were many together, or in the bright day. But now they had planned with the goblins' help to come by night upon some of the villages nearest the mountains. If their plan had been carried out, there would have been none left there next day; all would have been killed except the few the goblins kept from the wolves and carried back as prisoners to their caves. This was dreadful talk to listen to, not only because of the brave woodmen and their wives and children, but also because of the danger which now threatened Gandalf and his friends. The Wargs were angry and puzzled at finding them here in their very meeting-place. They thought they were friends of the woodmen, and were come to spy on them, and would take news of their plans down into the valleys, and then the goblins and the wolves would have to fight a terrible battle instead of capturing prisoners and devouring people waked suddenly from their sleep. So the Wargs had no intention of going away and letting the people up the trees escape, at any rate not until morning. And long before that, they said, goblin soldiers would be coming down from the mountains; and goblins can climb trees, or cut them down. Now you can understand why Gandalf, listening to their growling and yelping, began to be dreadfully afraid, wizard though he was, and to feel that they were in a very bad place, and had not yet escaped at all. All the same he was not going to let them have it all their own way, though he could not do very much stuck up in a tall tree with wolves all round on the ground below. He gathered the huge pinecones from the branches of his tree. Then he set one alight with bright blue fire, and threw it whizzing down among the circle of the wolves. It struck one on the back, and immediately his shaggy coat caught fire, and he was leaping to and fro yelping horribly. Then another came and another, one in blue flames, one in red, another in green. They burst on the ground in the middle of the circle and went off in coloured sparks and smoke. A specially large one hit the chief wolf on the nose, and he leaped in the air ten feet, and then rushed round and round the circle biting and snapping even at the other wolves in his anger and fright. The dwarves and Bilbo shouted and cheered. The rage of the wolves was terrible to see, and the commotion they made filled all the forest. Wolves are afraid of fire at all times, but this was a most horrible and uncanny fire. If a spark got in their coats it stuck and burned into them, and unless they rolled over quick they were soon all in flames. Very soon all about the glade wolves were rolling over and over to put out the sparks on their backs, while those that were burning were running about howling and setting others alight, till their own friends chased them away and they fled off down the slopes crying and yammering and looking for water. "What's all this uproar in the forest tonight?" said the Lord of the Eagles. He was sitting, black in the moonlight, on the top of a lonely pinnacle of rock at the eastern edge of the mountains. "I hear wolves' voices! Are the goblins at mischief in the woods?" He swept up into the air, and immediately two of his guards from the rocks at either hand leaped up to follow him. They circled up in the sky and looked down upon the ring of the Wargs, a tiny spot far far below. But eagles have keen eyes and can see small things at a great distance. The lord of the eagles of the Misty Mountains had eyes that could look at the sun unblinking, and could see a rabbit moving on the ground a mile below even in the moonlight. So though he could not see the people in the trees, he could make out the commotion among the wolves and see the tiny flashes of fire, and hear the howling and yelping come up faint from far beneath him. Also he could see the glint of the moon on goblin spears and helmets, as long lines of the wicked folk crept down the hillsides from their gate and wound into the wood. Eagles are not kindly birds. Some are cowardly and cruel. But the ancient race of the northern mountains were the greatest of all birds; they were proud and strong and noble-hearted. They did not love goblins, or fear them. When they took any notice of them at all (which was seldom, for they did not eat such creatures ), they swooped on them and drove them shrieking back to their caves, and stopped whatever wickedness they were doing. The goblins hated the eagles and feared them, but could not reach their lofty seats, or drive them from the mountains. Tonight the Lord of the Eagles was filled with curiosity to know what was afoot; so he summoned many other eagles to him, and they flew away from the mountains, and slowly circling ever round and round they came down, down, down towards the ring of the wolves and the meeting-place of the goblins. A very good thing too! Dreadful things had been going on down there. The wolves that had caught fire and fled into the forest had set it alight in several places. It was high summer, and on this eastern side of the mountains there had been little rain for some time. Yellowing bracken, fallen branches, deep-piled pine-needles, and here and there dead trees, were soon in flames. All round the clearing of the Wargs fire was leaping. But the wolf-guards did not leave the trees. Maddened and angry they were leaping and howling round the trunks, and cursing the dwarves in their horrible language, with their tongues hanging out, and their eyes shining as red and fierce as the flames. Then suddenly goblins came running up yelling. They thought a battle with the woodmen was going on; but they goon learned what had really happened. Some of them actually sat down and laughed. Others waved their spears and clashed the shafts against their shields. Goblins are not afraid of fire, and they soon had a plan which seemed to them most amusing. Some got all the wolves together in a pack. Some stacked fern and brushwood round the tree-trunks. Others rushed round and stamped and beat, and beat and stamped, until nearly all the flames were put out-but they did not put out the fire nearest to the trees where the dwarves were. That fire they fed with leaves and dead branches and bracken. Soon they had a ring of smoke and flame all round the dwarves, a ring which they kept from spreading outwards; but it closed slowly in, till the running fire was licking the fuel piled under the trees. Smoke was in Bilbo's eyes, he could feel the heat of the flames; and through the reek he could see the goblins dancing round and round in a circle like people round a midsummer bonfire. Outside the ring of dancing warriors with spears and axes stood the wolves at a respectful distance, watching and waiting. He could hear the goblins beginning a horrible song: "Fifteen birds in five firtrees, their feathers were fanned in a fiery breeze! But, funny little birds, they had no wings! O what shall we do with the funny little things? Roast 'em alive, or stew them in a pot,fry them, boil them and eat them hot?" Then they stopped and shouted out: "Fly away little birds! Fly away if you can! Come down little birds, or you will get roasted in your nests! Sing, sing little birds! Why don't you sing?" "Go away! little boys!" shouted Gandalf in answer. "It isn't bird-nesting time. Also naughty little boys that play with fire get punished." He said it to make them angry, and to show them he was not frightened of them-though of course he was, wizard though he was. But they took no notice, and they went on singing. "Burn, burn tree and fern! Shrivel and scorch! A fizzling torch To light the night for our delight, Ya hey! Bake and toast 'em, fry and roast 'em till beards blaze, and eyes glaze; till hair smells and skins crack, fat melts, and bones black in cinders lie beneath the sky! So dwarves shall die, and light the night for our delight, Ya hey! Ya-harri-heyl Ya hoy!" And with that Ya hoy! the flames were under Gandalf's tree. In a moment it spread to the others. The bark caught fire, the lower branches cracked. Then Gandalf climbed to the top of his tree. The sudden splendour flashed from his wand like lightning, as he got ready to spring down from on high right among the spears of the goblins. That would have been the end of him, though he would probably have killed many of them as he came hurtling down like a thunderbolt. But he never leaped. Just at that moment the Lord of the Eagles swept down from above, seized him in his talons, and was gone. There was a howl of anger and surprise from the goblins. Loud cried the Lord of the Eagles, to whom Gandalf had now spoken. Back swept the great birds that were with him, and down they came like huge black shadows. The wolves yammered and gnashed their teeth; the goblins yelled and stamped with rage, and flung their heavy spears in the air in vain. Over them swooped the eagles; the dark rush of their beating wings smote them to the floor or drove them far away; their talons tore at goblin faces. Other birds flew to the tree-tops and seized the dwarves, who were scrambling up now as far as ever they dared to go. Poor little Bilbo was very nearly left behind again! He just managed to catch hold of Dori's legs, as Dori was borne off last of all; and they went together above the tumult and the burning, Bilbo swinging in the air with his arms nearly breaking. Now far below the goblins and the wolves were scattering far and wide in the woods. A few eagles were still circling and sweeping above the battle-ground. The flames about the trees sprang suddenly up above the highest branches. They went up in crackling fire. There was a sudden flurry of sparks and smoke. Bilbo had escaped only just in time! Soon the light of the burning was faint below, a red twinkle on the black floor; and they were high up in the sky, rising all the time in strong sweeping circles. Bilbo never forgot that flight, clinging onto Dori's ankles. He moaned "my arms, my arms!"; but Dori groaned "my poor legs, my poor legs!" At the best of times heights made Bilbo giddy. He used to turn queer if he looked over the edge of quite a little cliff; and he had never liked ladders, let alone trees (never having had to escape from wolves before). So you can imagine how his head swam now, when he looked down between his dangling toes and saw the dark lands opening wide underneath him, touched here and there with the light of the moon on a hill-side rock or a stream in the plains. The pale peaks of the mountains were coming nearer, moonlit spikes of rock sticking out of black shadows. Summer or not, it seemed very cold. He shut his eyes and wondered if he could hold on any longer. Then he imagined what would happen if he did not. He felt sick. The flight ended only just in time for him, just before his arms gave way. He loosed Dori's ankles with a gasp and fell onto the rough platform of an eagle's eyrie. There he lay without speaking, and his thoughts were a mixture of surprise at being saved from the fire, and fear lest he fell off that narrow place into the deep shadows on either side. He was feeling very queer indeed in his head by this time after the dreadful adventures of the last three days with next to nothing to eat, and he found himself saying aloud: "Now I know what a piece of bacon feels like when it is suddenly picked out of the pan on a fork and put back on the shelf!" "No you don't!" be heard Dori answering, "because the bacon knows that it will get back in the pan sooner or later; and it is to be hoped we shan't. Also eagles aren't forks!" "O no! Not a bit like storks-forks, I mean," said Bilbo sitting up and looking anxiously at the eagle who was perched close by. He wondered what other nonsense he had been saying, and if the eagle would think it rude. You ought not to be rude to an eagle, when you are only the size of a hobbit, and are up in his eyrie at night! The eagle only sharpened his beak on a stone and trimmed his feathers and took no notice. Soon another eagle flew up. "The Lord of the Eagles bids you to bring your prisoners to the Great Shelf," he cried and was off again. The other seized Dori in his claws and flew away with him into the night leaving Bilbo all alone. He had just strength to wonder what the messenger had meant by 'prisoners,' and to begin to think of being torn up for supper like a rabbit, when his own turn came. The eagle came back, seized him in his talons by the back of his coat, and swooped off. This time he flew only a short way. Very soon Bilbo was laid down, trembling with fear, on a wide shelf of rock on the mountain-side. There was no path down on to it save by flying; and no path down off it except by jumping over a precipice. There he found all the others sitting with their backs to the mountain wall. The Lord of the Eagles also was there and was speaking to Gandalf. It seemed that Bilbo was not going to be eaten after all. The wizard and the eagle-lord appeared to know one another slightly, and even to be on friendly terms. As a matter of fact Gandalf, who had often been in the mountains, had once rendered a service to the eagles and healed their lord from an arrow-wound. So you see 'prisoners' had meant 'prisoners rescued from the goblins' only, and not captives of the eagles. As Bilbo listened to the talk of Gandalf he realized that at last they were going to escape really and truly from the dreadful mountains. He was discussing plans with the Great Eagle for carrying the dwarves and himself and Bilbo far away and setting them down well on their journey across the plains below. The Lord of the Eagles would not take them anywhere near where men lived. "They would shoot at us with their great bows of yew," he said, "for they would think we were after their sheep. And at other times they would be right. No! we are glad to cheat the goblins of their sport, and glad to repay our thanks to you, but we will not risk ourselves for dwarves in the southward plains." "Very well," said Gandalf. "Take us where and as far as you will! We are already deeply obliged to you. But in the meantime we are famished with hunger." "I am nearly dead of it," said Bilbo in a weak little voice that nobody heard. "That can perhaps be mended," said the Lord of the Eagles. Later on you might have seen a bright fire on the shelf of rock and the figures of the dwarves round it cooking and making a fine roasting smell. The eagles had brought up dry boughs for fuel, and they had brought rabbits, hares, and a small sheep. The dwarves managed all the preparations. Bilbo was too weak to help, and anyway he was not much good at skinning rabbits or cutting up meat, being used to having it delivered by the butcher all ready to cook. Gandalf, too, was lying down after doing his part in setting the fire going, since Oin and Gloin had lost their tinder-boxes. (Dwarves have never taken to matches even yet.) So ended the adventures of the Misty Mountains. Soon Bilbo's stomach was feeling full and comfortable again, and he felt he could sleep contentedly, though really he would have liked a loaf and butter better than bits of meat toasted on sticks. He slept curled up on the hard rock more soundly than ever he had done on his feather-bed in his own little hole at home. But all night he dreamed of his own house and wandered in his sleep into all his different rooms looking for something that he could not find nor remember what it looked like.

#Hobbit

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writingfromkitchenator · 6 years

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The Company ~ Calm down, this...

Request in the 600 Followers Challenge here!

Complete the sentence 500 Followers Challenge.

Requested by @luckynumber1213.

You’d been following the company for a few days now, just staying out of sight, wondering still what they could possibly be up to. For a group that talked so much, you’d never heard anyone talk so little about the road ahead of them.

Bilbo had been the reason that you got this far, having never seen him run so fast before, and in sheer instinct and curiosity, you followed, then hung back, watching in awe as he began to travel with this group of dwarves.

A couple of times, you’d thought you’d lost them, after all, they were on ponies and you were just on your own two feet, but you always caught up, the trail easy to follow through the grass. At night, you sat just at the edge of camp, quick to dart away should anyone wonder in your direction. You didn’t really know why you hung around, it was very unusual for a hobbit after all, but you guessed that it was better than what could ever be going on back at home.

After another day or so, the dwarves were starting to grumble.

“I swear I feel someone watching us.”

“It’s not just me then?”

“Aye, I feel it to.”

“I thought I was going mad.”

It led to long searches in the areas they camped, in which you always made sure you were far enough away or well enough hidden that they couldn’t find you, having little doubt that you would be in trouble if you did, and sneaking back once they stopped. It also led to a tighter watch at night, usually with two on duty, which made sneaking in and taking a bit of food a lot harder, but no less fun, always vanishing again with a smile on your lips.

“Gandalf, can’t you do anything against this feeling?” One of the younger dwarves with dark brown hair complained one day while you were still in earshot. “It’s mighty frustrating and we haven’t found anything yet.”

Gandalf, who you knew from tales around the Shire smiled under his bushy beard. “Even if I could Kili, it would still do little to make our little follower known. I don’t believe there is any ill intent involved, if that is of any comfort.”

It clearly wasn’t, grumbles going through the dwarves and Bilbo casting the wizard a worried look.

It was another day and camp set up and settled for the night before you made a mistake, the round dwarf seeing you as you dashed in to get food.

It was the first time you’d really known fear as he called for everyone to get to their feet as you dashed with a frightened squeak away, quickly losing them in the woods that surrounded their camp.

“Was it a ghost?”

“It was pale enough.”

“Is that what’s been following us? It was so small!”

“It could clearly kill all of us in our sleep if it wanted to.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Ghosts can’t kill people can they?”

They did an extra-long search after that and you had to move several times as they got a little too close for comfort, but eventually, the camp settled again.

The next morning, they left early, almost leaving you behind as you’d stayed up most of the night waiting for them to go back to sleep, and you had to hurry to catch up. This meant you almost made yourself known by coming over a crest in a hill, finding them stopped for lunch, and hurriedly having to run a little bit away again and hope that you hadn’t been seen.

You had little doubt now that there would be serious trouble if you did.

Although, with your stomach rumbling and feet starting to ache, you almost wished they did.

That night, you wished that you hadn’t had that wish.

You’d found yourself a cosy little spot, having successfully taken a meal again, and you were just starting to doze off when you felt someone near.

A shadow approached and made you scream.

The dwarves were on their feet in an instant, shouting about ghosts, many of them arming yourselves, but they all quickly stared as Bilbo dragged you into the fire light, anger across his face.

“The ghost!” Kili exclaimed. “Bilbo caught the ghost!”

“Calm down, this is definitely not a ghost.” Bilbo said angrily, starting to brush the dirt off of your clothes as you refused to look up. “Y/N, what are you doing here?”

“I was curious when I saw you running…” You said softly.

Bilbo looked at you as the dwarves just stared, Gandalf looking on amused. “All this way? How on earth have you kept up?”

“I’m fast on my feet, you know that.” You said, still refusing to meet his eye, even as he tried. “I’m sorry Bilbo, please don’t send me home.”

Bilbo sighs and leads you over to where he had been sitting and where you were sure that he’d been asleep when you snuck into camp. “Sit down Y/N.” He waits until you listen and then moves to the camp fire, getting a larger bowl and filling it with soup, coming back and handing it to you. “Here, eat up.”

There were several looks of panic. “Bilbo, you can’t feed the ghost!”

Bilbo shakes his head. “I’ve told you, this isn’t a ghost.” He looks around at them all, a hint of sadness in his gaze. “This is my cousin, they were just born a little differently, that’s all.”

You look up shyly, red eyes looking at them, most of which who quickly looked away and then kept glancing back.

“It hasn’t been easy, but I promise that Y/N is no different from me.” Bilbo said to them and then looked at you, quickly looking back at your bowl as you ate. “Despite what they look like, they are just another hobbit.”

One of the other younger dwarves stepped forward a little nervously, but curious. “But Bilbo…why are they so white?”

“It’s how they were born,” Bilbo said and sits next to you, quickly giving you a comforting smile. “Y/N’s been treated somewhat terribly for it too, but for no reason apart from that. They have become naturally quiet because of it.”

There was this odd pause as the dwarves looked at each other, not sure how to take this.

Thorin stepped forward. “Then why were they following us?”

You bit your lip as Bilbo looked at you, not wanting to answer.

“Come on Y/N,” Bilbo said quietly. “It is a fair question.”

You shrug. “I wanted to know what was happening, it’s not like anyone will miss me at home anyway.”

Bilbo sighs. “You saw me running?”

You nod.

Bilbo looks at you and you shuffle a little guiltily, breaking away from gaze again.

“If I might suggest,” Gandalf cut in for the first time, making everyone look at him. “That it would be unwise to send Y/N home.”

“Gandalf, you surely cannot want-”

“Considering they avoided all of your detection for so long,” Gandalf cut over Thorin. “I think that they could be worth having with us. Two burglars could always be better than one.”

There is shared mutter around the dwarves as they huddled together and you looked at Bilbo.

“Burglary?”

Bilbo nods, looking grim. “It’s a long story.”

You blinked before you smiled. “Sounds exciting.”

He gives a soft laugh. “Trust me, after a few days traveling with dwarves, you may change your mind.”

You shrug, happily looking back at the dwarves as they all look at you. “I’ll do it.”

They all paused, sharing a look again before seeming to agree, making Bilbo chuckle.

“Well done Y/N,” He said quietly to you. “I think that’s the first time I’ve seen them speechless.”

#the hobbit #the company #short #drabbles #500 followers challenge

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