#literally and figuratively. physically. mentally. emotionally. spiritually.

[dirtytransmasc]

ATLA! Avatar au ramblings, cause I need them out of my skull:

[Disclaimer: this is basically just Avatar, but if there were benders. there are no rules. god is dead. I wear his crown. we go by my rules now, even if they break atla canon. canon is a suggestion now]

each clean tends to be made up of benders from two of the elements, people from the clan can carry both traits, even if one is dormant.

for example, the Omatikaya are made up of earth and airbenders. both Mo'at and Eytukan were airbenders, yet their daughter Neytiri was an earth bender, and Sylwanin was also an air bender.

Humans are rarely benders, at least compared to the Na'vi, as the destruction of Earth led to the loss of benders, but when they are benders, they have only been fire benders. this includes avatars. the RDA specifically targets and recruits fire benders.

Fire benders are rare on Pandora. very few clans produce fire benders. and with the destruction the humans and the RDA have caused, fire benders are almost taboo, especially in the forest clans that faced the brunt of their efforts.

Jake is a fire bender, he is heavily disconnected from the idea of spirit, fluidity, or nature within his bending. it gets better as he lives with the Omatikaya, but old habits die hard, so he'll ways be a messy fire user, and his fighting style is messy, MMA like, the reckless assault of a soldier and not an art. he doesn't truly incorporate his bending into his day to day life either, it's like a gun to him, not a part of his spirit and being.

Neytiri is an earth bender (and in my world, they can bend plants, because fuck you). while she is known for her combat on Ikran back, she is just as deadly in face to face combat, as she is a heavily offensive fighter, and she will punch you in the throat with a dagger she pulled from the earth. but in a more casual day to day, she uses it to get around the forest, to weave and craft, to cook even. she makes something solid like stone and wood look as fluid as air, and something as delicate as plant life look deadly and jagged. and as a healer she uses it not only to cultivate and refine healing plants, and even bone bend.

a fire bender and an earth bender, have 3 kids:

Neteyam is an earth bender, he presented quite young, maybe 5 or 7, and he takes after his mommy, with the added aggression of Jake's fire bending attitude. he inherited less of his mother's likeness to plant bending, but can magma bend extremely well for his age, keeping that same fluidity. but as much of his life is taken up by combat and training, he's also a crafter and has plenty of little siblings bringing him rocks and asking him to make them beads, so he's also doing a lot of that. (he has attempted to bend a tree fort into existence and fell through it and on his ass, trust, I was there)

Tuk is an air bender. she's only presented around 7, and only in little gusts, so she hasn't cultivated an exact style, she can only really play with little gusts of air, or go gliding about on her glider, but only when a sibling is with her, in case she falls. she's also just an agile little thing.

Lo'ak (for angst value) doesn't present for a long while, he makes it to nearly 13 before presenting, and he ends up being a fire bender.... which did not help his self image, in any manner. not only is he the demon blooded son, the one that never lives up to Jake and Neteyam, who looks like a freak, but now he's a fire bender too? just shoot him now.

Kiri, the child of Grace, who was not a bender, and Eywa, is an air bender (she's already Pandora Jesus, I'm not putting her through being the Avatar as well). she presented at 5, it never seemed like a big thing to her. Neytiri found her floating and that was that. she is heavily connected to her spirit, so she can astral project, and her world, which makes her very hyper sensitive to her surroundings. she uses her air bending to carry stuff, be more spry (in the comics she tends to fall behind her siblings, even Spider, who is much smaller than her. her air bending gives her the leg up to help her keep up). even after she gains an ikran, she tends to go gliding or just. floating. for funsies.

that leaves my son, my baby boy, Spider:

I'm making him the fucking avatar because I can.

[more bullshit below, this is just very long and I'd feel bad posting this behemoth and clogging people's feeds]

he is Eywa's first Sky child, her golden boy, and he is the bridge between humans and Na'vi— he is Na'vi in all but body, and human in all but soul —so she knows if anyone can soothe the tensions ripping her world apart, it will be him.

he starts out as a fire bender.

no one is shocked, even though he gave off his first sparks as a toddler. his parents had both been fire benders— Quaritch had mastered combustion, and Paz was known to give off smoke when pissed —this gets him even more ostracized than he was in canon from the get go. no one wants much to do with the fire bending son of Quaritch. no one can truly trust him, even as a child.

who's to say when he will become the wildfire everyone assumes he will become? who's to say he's not dangerous, even as a child? especially without the help of a fire bending master to aid him (could Jake do it? yes. do I think Jake would commit to that long term? absolutely not).

despite this, the Sully kids are his siblings, from the moment they meet. he's their big brother, watching out for them, promising his flames as their shield, forever and ever. no one will ever hurt them. that they don't need to be scared of him, because he'd burn himself to a crisp before burning them. and his will is so strong, he's never accidentally burned them like he has others. his spirit knows better. it's strong enough to render the heat to nothing.

so the second Spider can leave the confines of Hellsgate and go out into Eywa's jungle, he is more than pleased to do so. he isn't judged there. the animals don't flinch away from him or stare at him like they're seeing secrets from the future.

he bends in secret, first with fire, just dancing a flame over his hands, slowly gaining trust in himself and his control, and developing his own style of bending, one similar to the airbenders of the clan, as that's the closest thing he has to go off of.

and if he has dreams of Toruk like creatures, showing him the art of fire, when he falls asleep in the grassy clearings of Eywa's world, he won't question it.

and when he hears whispers of 'try it' when he thinks of attempting to bend a different element, even just pretending, child's play, he listens, because he trusts the soft voice in his ear.

he bends air first. while not rare, those who bend air are considered special, connect to the spirit of Eywa. it's a sign. well, it would be had anyone paid enough mind to the boy to see it.

air bending comes naturally. he'd been watching those around him air bend for years. he'd mimicked their movements while playing with his siblings. it feels right. like it was what he was destined for (Eywa just needed time to manipulate his soul). it keeps him alive in the jungle, not only cause it allows him to take riskier paths and such, but also because it allows him without an exopack.

earth comes next. again. he'd watched earth benders for years. longed to manipulate the forest like them. to create instead of destroy. wanted to heal instead of heal. wanted to use brute forced over his flames, because his flames were looked at with fear, while the other boys trained their bending and were cheered on. he can work plants as if it was as easy as breathing. weaving them together into forts and hide outs and supplies.

water is last, and seeing as it's the opposite of his birth element, he has no mentor, and not even a faint clue on how it works, it is his weakest. but he has an affinity for healing, even if it only works on little cuts and scrapes, maybe a bruise if he's lucky.

by twelve he is mostly living on his own in the woods. it's near impossible to keep him in the compound anymore. he's not interested.

no one has any idea what he is. Spider can't even fully believe it himself and all's down spirals of thinking he's giving into his human greed, somehow (don't blame him, he's just a little guy, a dumb little guy who doesn't know maths, and grew up around people who all but hated him. let him have a dumb dumb complex).

the only people who have a slight idea are his siblings; he bends too much on instinct. he reached out to catch his siblings, shifting the ground beneath them just a tad, or shooting a vine around their ankle or using a swift puff of wind to stop their descent. he heals small cuts while thumbing over them, rolling a little bead of water on the broken or bruised skin. he brings them up into elaborate tree forts.

his siblings only keep from saying something because of the look of pure terror he gets on his face when he catches himself.

as time goes on, he becomes more open with them. by 15 it's common knowledge amongst them who and what Spider is, but he still won't let them tell the clan. but he has Kiri and Neteyam to help him with his air and earth bending, as they can regurgitate their own lessons back to him, which makes him stronger over all, even if he continues to use his own methods.

Jake and Neytiri only find out the night he was taken; when he gave his all to protect his baby siblings from the recoms, all fire benders, and exposed the level of power he held... and was subsequently taken for.

and then he gets adventures with his papa and the squad. that he is so so so so so happy about (kill him).

bonus info that doesn't fit into the vaguely timeline coherent ramblings above:

Spider is a healer by nature, it's in his heart and soul. so while he trains himself for combat, it's simply natural for him to want to fix things, to help people, to give himself and his power over if it means he can soothe one ache in his people. so Spider learns all of the healing arts he can. he develops his own even. refines bone and blood bending to heal people. uses the scientific understanding of things that he picked up as a human to make better medicines, etc.

speaking of blood/bonebending. my boy is going to snap at some point during his captivity and fuck some people up with that, because he knows the dogs of the RDA deserve it. perhaps it's after Neteyam's death that triggers it. or maybe the Tulkun hunt/attack on the Ta'unui. it's something, something that has him going in a carnage spree.

he will train with Mo'at and Ronal when they find out about him. Mo'at will knowingly pass him over — she knew early in he was special, but knew, in terms of his learning, the forest was not his place, for there was too much pain. but she would watch out for him as she had his whole life, in her own ways — while Ronal will become one of his footholds in life. a place where he will always feel like he can drift back to.

~~~

that's all I have for now. it's a shit ton. I have maladaptive daydreamed part this point, but I'll probably be back on my bullshit eventually. I'll have more on Q and the water tribe and what not.

[darkintothedawn]

stiles sneakin into ur window at night bc he refuses to use the front door and wake everyone up

DRAIN PIPE || Stiles Stilinski 'Teen Wolf'

Pairing — Stiles Stilinski x Gender Neutral reader

Summary — Stiles is climbing into your window and causing a mess, it's late and you're tired and you just don't want to deal with it. The morning is better, with all traces of annoyance gone, until Stiles' dad is screaming for him outside and you're instead confessing to your mother that you were the one who called him over.

Memo— I'm sorry if this isn't exactly what you wanted, I genuinely couldn't figure out how to start this to begin with for a while. Thank you for the request of course and if you did want something different or if someone wants something similar you can always send another ask! I do hope you like this, anon.

Word Count — 3741

Warnings — Fluff. Mild annoyance. Puppy dog Stiles.

Masterlist | Stiles' Adventures

Your room is dimly lit by the glow of your phone screen, the only source of light as you lay sprawled out on your bed. The house is quiet, the kind of stillness that only settles in when everyone else is asleep, leaving you alone with the soft hum of your thoughts—and Stiles blowing up your phone.

Stiles: You up? Stiles: Wait, ofc you are. You literally just opened this. Stiles: Soooooo Stiles: What if I was dying? And you ignored me? How would you feel? You: I’d be mildly inconvenienced but ultimately fine. Stiles: Rude. Disrespectful. Hurtful, even. You: You’re not dying. Stiles: Not physically, but emotionally? Spiritually? Maybe even mentally? You: Sounds like a you problem. Stiles: Wow. Ok. Ice cold. Where’s the love?

You shake your head, biting back a smile as you toss your phone onto your chest. It’s always like this with Stiles—constant, clingy, and so unapologetically him. And you don’t mind, not really. If anything, his ridiculous messages have become a staple of your nights, filling the silence with his chaotic energy even from a distance.

Your fingers hover over the keyboard, about to hit send on another sarcastic reply, when your phone buzzes again.

Stiles: What if I was outside your window right now?

You scoff, rolling your eyes. You: I’d tell you to stop being creepy and go to bed.

The typing bubble pops up, then disappears. A pause. Then—

Stiles: Bold of you to assume I’d listen.

Before you can respond, there’s a soft thud outside your window.

Your heart stutters.

Another sound—this time a muffled curse, followed by the unmistakable scrape of sneakers against the siding of your house.

You freeze. No. No way.

Slowly, you sit up, eyes locked on the window. A shadow moves outside, just beyond the glass.

You don’t even think. You launch yourself toward the curtain, yanking it back, and—

Yep.

There he is.

Stiles Stilinski, clinging to the edge of your windowsill like some kind of sleep-deprived raccoon, his hoodie askew and his expression caught somewhere between triumph and regret.

"Hey," he whisper-yells, flashing you a lopsided grin. "Fancy meeting you here."

You stare at him, unimpressed. "Are you serious?"

"Would you believe me if I said no?"

You push the window up just enough to glare at him properly. "Do I even want to ask how you got up here?"

"Uh—" He looks down for the first time, then back at you, his grin faltering. "So, funny story… Turns out your drainpipe is not, in fact, built for weight-bearing activities. Who knew?"

You follow his gaze to the slightly bent metal, your jaw tightening. "You're the reason it looks like that?"

"Technically, gravity is to blame, but sure, pin this on me."

You press a hand to your forehead, exhaling through your nose. "You have got to stop doing this."

"And yet," he says, shifting his grip and hoisting himself higher, "Here I am."

"Yeah, and I’m starting to question why I keep letting this happen."

"You don't let it happen," he corrects, grunting as he swings a leg over the sill. "I make it happen."

Before you can protest, he somehow manages to wriggle through the window with all the grace of a drunken deer, knocking into the curtain and nearly toppling your bedside lamp. He lands on your floor with a soft oof, sprawled out on his back, staring at the ceiling like he’s just run a marathon.

"That was exhausting," he groans. "You should really consider moving to a ground-floor bedroom."

"You should really consider knocking on the front door," you retort, crossing your arms.

Stiles scoffs, propping himself up on his elbows. "Okay, yeah, and then what? I wake your parents up? They already think I’m a bad influence—if I show up at your front door in the middle of the night, they’d never let me stay over again."

You blink at him. "Stiles. They wouldn’t let you stay over now."

He pauses, then clicks his tongue. "That’s fair."

You sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. "So, let me get this straight—you climbed up the side of my house, almost fell to your death, broke my drainpipe, and risked getting caught all so you could not wake my parents?"

"When you say it like that, it sounds kinda dumb."

"It is dumb."

He grins. "Yeah, but, like… dumb in a charming way, right?"

You roll your eyes, nudging his foot with yours. "No, dumb in a dumb way."

He gasps, pressing a hand to his chest like you've just mortally wounded him. "You wound me. Really. I don’t think I’ll ever recover from this betrayal."

"Yeah, well, actions have consequences."

Stiles flops back onto the floor with a dramatic sigh. "Fine. I see how it is. You don’t appreciate me. I’m just some guy, risking life and limb to see you, and for what? Disrespect?"

"For a concussion, probably," you mutter.

He watches you from the floor, his expression softer now, less exaggerated dramatics, more something real. "You’re not actually mad, though. Right?" He stands up when he talks, almost as if he's ready to spring out the window if you are.

You hesitate, then sigh, flopping down onto your bed. "No. But I should be."

"Yeah," he agrees, grinning. "You should be. But you’re not. Because deep, deep down, you love that I do this."

You lift your head just enough to squint at him. "Love is a strong word."

He smirks. "You tolerate that I do this?"

You huff, shaking your head. "That’s more accurate."

And honestly? It is. Because at the end of the day, this is just… Stiles. Sneaking in through your window like a delinquent, making himself at home on your floor, filling your nights with his restless energy.

And despite how much you should be annoyed, how much you should tell him to stop—

You know you’d miss it if he ever did.

You shake your head, still lying on your bed as Stiles lingers in the middle of your room, looking awkward in a way that’s almost endearing—hands shoved into the pockets of his hoodie, shoulders slightly hunched, like he’s suddenly unsure what to do now that he’s actually here.

You watch him for a second, then sigh. "Okay, so—why are you here?"

He shifts on his feet, glancing around your room like the answer might be hiding in your bookshelf or taped to your walls. "I dunno," he says, rocking back on his heels. "Just… couldn’t sleep, I guess. And I was thinking about stuff. And you."

Your eyebrows lift. "Me?"

"Yeah, you." He shrugs like it’s not a big deal, but the way he won’t quite meet your eyes says otherwise. "And I figured, you know, since I was already thinking about you, and since you were obviously awake, and since your window is right there—"

"—you decided to break in."

"Not break in. More like… strategically enter."

You sigh, dragging a hand down your face. "You’re impossible."

"Yeah," he says, grinning a little. "But you like me anyway."

You don’t dignify that with a response. Instead, you just pull your covers to the side, turning over onto your other shoulder. "Close the window."

There's a pause.

You don’t look at him, don’t clarify, don’t explain—because if he doesn’t get the hint, that’s his problem.

For a second, there’s nothing but silence. Then, finally, the soft creak of the window shutting, the lock clicking into place.

And a few moments later, the dip of your mattress as Stiles climbs in beside you.

Stiles hesitates for only a second before he takes what you’ve silently offered, slipping under the covers and settling in behind you. His movements are careful, almost tentative, like he’s waiting for you to change your mind and shove him off the bed.

You don’t.

Mostly because you’re exhausted—mentally, emotionally, and from the sheer effort it’s going to take to pretend your drainpipe isn’t hanging on for dear life outside your window. You don’t have the energy to kick him out, and honestly, even if you did, you probably wouldn’t.

He shifts slightly, adjusting until he’s pressed fully against your back, his arm draping naturally over your waist. He’s warm—unfairly so—and for a moment, you hate how easy it is to relax against him, how comfortable this feels despite the absolute nuisance he’s been tonight.

"You’re still mad," he murmurs, his breath warm against the nape of your neck.

"Not mad exactly," you say, your voice muffled against your pillow. "Just… annoyed."

"Right. Annoyed. Got it." His fingers tap lightly against your hip, thoughtful. "So, like… mild annoyance? Or are we talking long-term consequences? Should I be preparing for some kind of slow-burn revenge arc?"

You snort. "You wish I had the patience for a slow-burn revenge arc."

"True," he concedes, squeezing your waist lightly. "You’re more of an ‘immediate consequences’ type. Which, honestly? Fair."

You hum in agreement, staring at the wall. You should turn around. Should look him in the eye and make sure he knows you’re actually a little pissed this time, that he can’t just pull some reckless stunt and expect to charm his way out of it.

But the problem is… if you do turn around, he’s going to be looking at you like that—all soft-eyed and stupidly endearing, like a kicked puppy who just wants to be forgiven. Because he is one.

And you will forgive him, way too quickly, because you always do.

So, instead, you stay facing away, letting him be the big spoon, letting him hold you without having to see the expression that’s no doubt on his face. He can deal with you being slightly annoyed for once. He deserves to sit with it.

Besides, you’ll be the one stuck explaining to your parents why the drainpipe looks like it lost a fight with a raccoon.

For now, though, you let your eyes slip shut, focusing on the steady rhythm of his breathing behind you, the warmth of him pressed close, the way his fingers trace mindless patterns against your side.

He’s here. He’s safe.

And maybe you’ll be less annoyed in the morning.

The morning light filters softly through your curtains, painting everything in hazy gold. The world is still quiet, wrapped in that early morning stillness where reality hasn’t quite settled in yet.

You’re warm. Comfortable. And you don’t fully register why until your sleep-fogged brain starts to catch up with your body.

Your face is pressed against something solid and warm, rising and falling with slow, measured breaths. Your arms are curled around a familiar frame, fingers tucked into the fabric of a hoodie, holding on just as tightly as the arms wrapped around you.

Stiles.

He’s awake. You can feel it in the way his body is just a little too still, like he’s trying way too hard not to move. His breathing is slow—too slow—like he’s deliberately keeping it shallow so he doesn’t disturb you.

You peek your eyes open, blinking up at him. Sure enough, his gaze is already on you, wide and soft, like he’s been staring at you for a while now. His expression is unreadable, but there’s something tender about it—something careful, like he doesn’t want to do anything that might ruin this moment.

You yawn, stretching slightly but not moving away. Instead, you nuzzle just a little further into his chest before tilting your head up, pressing a lazy, barely-awake kiss to the underside of his jaw.

“Breathe,” you murmur against his skin.

You feel him suck in a sharp inhale, his arms tightening around you instinctively.

Then, a breathless laugh. “I—yeah. Okay. Noted.”

You shift, resting your chin against his chest so you can look at him properly. “I’m not annoyed anymore.”

His lips twitch, his fingers brushing absentmindedly against your back. “I figured. You are currently cuddling me like I’m your emotional support human.”

You don’t even try to deny it. There’s no point—you both know the truth. It was you who moved into his arms sometime during the night, who sought him out in your sleep, curled up against him like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Stiles knows it. You know it. It always happens. And neither of you are in any rush to change it.

So instead, you just sigh, pressing your face back into his hoodie, letting yourself relax completely into him.

His arms stay wrapped around you, holding you like he has no intention of letting go anytime soon.

And honestly?

You’re perfectly okay with that.

The warmth of him, the slow, steady rise and fall of his chest, the way his fingers absentmindedly trace the curve of your spine—it’s grounding in a way you don’t fully want to acknowledge yet. You should probably say something snarky, tease him for the way he’s holding you like you might disappear if he lets go, but you don’t.

Instead, you shift, stretching lazily, letting your nose brush against the hollow of his throat as you settle back in. Stiles tenses for half a second, his breath hitching, and you feel the way his fingers tighten at your waist like he’s trying to keep himself in check.

It makes you smirk against his hoodie.

"You okay there?" you murmur, your voice still thick with sleep.

He exhales a little too forcefully. "Yeah. Totally fine. Just—" He clears his throat. "You, uh. You can't just do that."

"Do what?" You tilt your head, blinking up at him with innocent eyes.

Stiles levels you with a look. "You know what."

You just hum, clearly unbothered, shifting again so that your leg slots between his. It’s barely anything—just a sleepy, natural movement—but it's enough to have Stiles groaning under his breath, pressing his head back into your pillow like he's gathering some kind of strength.

"You’re doing this on purpose," he mutters, eyes squeezing shut.

"I don’t know what you’re talking about," you say, voice light, but the smile you’re biting back gives you away.

He makes a strangled noise in the back of his throat. "You are a menace."

"And yet, you’re still here."

"Yeah," he breathes, his voice quieter now, something softer threading through it. "I am."

You finally glance up at him properly, and it’s a mistake. Because he’s already looking at you, already watching you with that look—the one that’s way too fond, way too open, way too everything. His eyes flicker over your face, lingering for half a second too long on your mouth before meeting your gaze again, and it sends a quiet thrill through you.

For once, he doesn’t fill the silence with words. He just watches you, his hand at your waist stilling, fingers pressing just a little firmer into your side. You swallow.

"You’re staring," you murmur, voice quieter now.

"Yeah," he says simply. "Guess I am."

You don’t know who moves first. Maybe it’s you, maybe it’s him, or maybe it’s both of you at the same time—but it doesn’t really matter, because one second you’re just laying there, hovering in that space between hesitation and action, and the next—

His lips are on yours.

It’s soft at first, tentative, like he’s waiting to see if you’ll pull away. When you don’t—when you press into it, letting your fingers curl into the fabric of his hoodie—he exhales against your mouth, something loosening in him, and suddenly, you’re kissing Stiles.

And it’s good.

Better than you would have expected, if you’d ever let yourself think about lazy, sleepy, morning kisses with Stiles before (which, for the record, you totally haven’t). His lips are warm and a little chapped, moving against yours in a way that’s way too easy, way too natural, like this isn’t the first time you’ve done it. Like this isn’t the first time he’s thought about doing it.

You sigh against him, tilting your head slightly, and he makes a quiet, almost desperate noise before kissing you again, deeper this time. His hand slides up, fingers tracing along your ribcage, settling just beneath the hem of your shirt, and the warmth of it sends a shiver through you.

He notices. Smirks against your mouth.

"Cold?" he murmurs.

You huff, nudging his nose with yours. "Shut up."

"Not a chance," he says, grinning, before kissing you again.

This time, there’s nothing tentative about it. His hand slips higher, his body pressing closer, and it’s dizzying—the slow drag of his lips, the heat of him against you, the way he’s kissing you like he’s been waiting for this, like he needs it, like he’s making up for lost time.

And maybe—just maybe—you feel the same way.

You tangle your fingers into his hair, tugging just slightly, and he groans against your mouth, his grip on your waist tightening. His hoodie rides up between you, fabric bunching as your hands roam, and suddenly, it’s all warmth and pressure and Stiles.

It’s almost too much. It’s not enough.

And then—

There’s a loud bang from outside.

You both freeze.

A beat of silence. Then—

"Stiles?"

Your stomach drops.

Stiles curses under his breath, forehead pressing against your shoulder. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me."

A second later, another call.

"Stiles Stilinski, are you up there?"

Your eyes widen. "Is that—"

"My dad," Stiles groans, rolling onto his back and dragging his hands down his face. "That’s my dad."

Your stomach twists. "He knows you're here?"

"I don’t know!" Stiles hisses, already scrambling to sit up. "But considering he’s currently yelling my name outside your house, I’m gonna go ahead and assume that, yeah, he knows."

You swear under your breath, sitting up with him. "How the hell does he know?"

"I—" Stiles pauses, then closes his eyes in defeat. "Oh my god."

You stare at him. "What?"

"My jeep is parked in your driveway."

There’s a beat of silence as you both process that. Then—

"Oh my god."

"Yeah," Stiles groans, rubbing his temples. "I am so unbelievably screwed."

You don’t even hesitate. You shove him. "Get out."

"I’m trying!" He flails, nearly toppling off the bed as he tries to untangle himself from the covers. "Do you have a back door? A fire escape? A trapdoor?"

"Oh, yeah, let me just pull the secret lever in my suburban bedroom," you deadpan. "Obviously not, Stiles."

He glares at you, shoving his feet into his sneakers. "Your sarcasm is not helping right now."

"Neither is your existence in my room at seven in the morning."

"Okay, ow," he mutters, making a beeline for the window.

Before he can climb out, there's a knock on your bedroom door.

Your heart stops.

"Sweetheart?" your mom calls. "Are you awake?"

You and Stiles lock eyes, frozen in panic.

He exhales sharply. "I’m never sneaking in here again."

You shove him toward the window. "Yeah, that’s what you said last time."

He hesitates for half a second, glancing back at you, and in the middle of all the chaos, the sheer insanity of the situation, his expression softens. "Hey," he murmurs.

You blink. "What?"

He grins, lopsided and infuriating, but somehow still—sweet. "Worth it."

Your chest tightens, but before you can respond, the knock comes again, more insistent.

You take a breath, forcing your voice to stay steady. "Yeah, Mom, I’m up."

The door cracks open, and she peeks in, her gaze flicking between you and Stiles, who is now standing awkwardly by the window, caught in the act.

Her eyebrows lift. "Stiles?"

You nod, pulling the blanket tighter around yourself. "I, uh… I called him over. I missed him."

She glances between the two of you again, then sighs. "Next time, maybe tell me beforehand, okay?"

You swallow. "Okay."

And miraculously, somehow—she buys it.

Stiles is still frozen by the window, one leg halfway up like he’s debating whether to fully commit to the escape or just surrender to the inevitable. He looks at you, then at your mom, then back at you.

“So… do I keep going? Or…?” He gestures vaguely toward the open window. “I mean, I can, but—"

Your mom sighs, already turning to head downstairs. “Oh, for god’s sake, Stiles, just come have breakfast.”

He blinks. “Wait, really?”

“Yes,” she says, exasperated. “And tell your father to come in, because his yelling isn’t doing anyone any good this early in the morning.”

Stiles stares after her as she disappears down the hall, then slowly turns back to you. “… I’m sorry, what just happened?”

You groan, falling back onto the bed and dragging the blanket over your face. “I don’t know. Just—go downstairs before she changes her mind.”

He huffs out a quiet laugh, then hesitates, rubbing the back of his neck. “Hey.”

You peek out from under the blanket, raising an eyebrow. “What?”

His expression softens, a flicker of guilt passing over his face. “Thanks. For, y’know, taking the blame.”

You roll your eyes but nudge his foot with yours. “It’s the least I could do.”

He grins at that, rocking back on his heels before reaching for your hand. His fingers thread through yours easily, like it’s something he’s been doing forever, and your chest tightens at the casual intimacy of it.

You try not to let it show, but he catches it anyway. Because of course he does.

He lifts your hand to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to your knuckles, and your breath stutters just slightly. When he speaks, his voice is quieter, more serious.

“I promise I’ll never put you in a situation like this again.”

You narrow your eyes. “You’re a terrible liar.”

He winces. “Okay, yeah, that was definitely a lie.”

You snort, shoving his shoulder. “Come on, Stilinski. Let’s go face the music.”

He groans, dragging a hand down his face as he follows you toward the door. “If my dad tries to give me the talk at the breakfast table, I am walking into oncoming traffic.”

You grin, bumping his hip with yours as you head downstairs. “Relax. My mom likes you.”

“That’s what worries me,” he mutters, but his fingers are still laced with yours, and somehow, even with the looming awkwardness of breakfast with both your parents, it doesn’t feel so bad.

[sunkissedchld]

𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒍𝒍 𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒏 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒

the piles go from left to right. therefore, pile one has the silver airpods, pile two is the pink cord phone, and so on and so forth.

take your time to use your intuition to choose the pile that will best resonate with you. lastly, please don't be afraid to say if the message resonated or not; it helps me in determining if my interpretations are correct or not, and i appreciate any sort of feedback - even if it's "bad".

this PAC is a collab with @icanseethefuture333, so be sure to check out their post also!

good luck to you, reader 🌷

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈

Signs:

"i don't forgive you", harboring anger towards someone, heavy fire (aries, leo, sagittarius) in birth chart, red, passion, danger, hera, broken marriages/family, non-committal, metatron, spiritual power, turtles, tigers, turkeys. broken headphones, "you're not listening"

Shufflemancy:

"Montero (Call Me By Your Name)" by Lil Nas X

"Another One Bites the Dust" by Queen

"Blow Us All Away" from Hamilton the Musical

"Intro" by J. Cole

"Angels We Have Heard on High" by Pentatonix

"Sorry, I Love You" by Stray Kids

Cards:

Four of Cups, Knight of Cups (Rx), Six of Swords (Rx), Two of Wands, Five of Wands, Seven of Coins, The Fool (Rx), Turtle (Rx), Tiger, Turkey

Reading:

For those who chose pile one, one lesson you will encounter will be in regards to you seemingly sitting on the sidelines in life. At one point, you may feel disconnected and apathetic about life; you may think, "what's the point of doing what I'm doing if I'm not seeing any results for it." There will be times when people will try to help you enjoy life more instead of being moody and unhappy with what you're doing, but J. Cole says it best when he asks, "do you wanna be happy?". Someone might literally ask you that (or people have done so in the past), and you often say "no" without saying no by not taking action to be happy. 

Those who chose this pile may have a lot of unresolved emotional baggage they refuse to acknowledge, but your lesson will be in recognizing that baggage and unloading it. You may have been resisting a transition period in your life for as long as possible, and in 2024 that won't be allowed anymore. Saying "no" to happiness will not be an option; you will be thrown into tackling your anger, former traumas, apathy about life, etc. head on. The only real thing you can decide at this point is whether or not you're going to plan for it now that you know it's coming or allow life to take you through it however ough that may be. 

You will be pushed to be competitive about what it is you want. There may be a lot of conflict, and you may even feel jealous of others at one point; you may think, "why is it that my growth and transition is so much harder compared to everyone else's?". There may even be a point during the year where you feel as if you're guides or the universe or whoever/whatever you believe in isn't listening to you, but the truth is everyone experiences growing pains, and you have to figure out how to persevere and get over your fears the same way everyone else does. As stated before, refusing to grow and transition is not an option, but your attitude as you experience it is a choice you make; you can make it easier or harder on yourself by having an open mind. 

This year, you will be going from being a turtle to a tiger. You will no longer be allowed to take your time in regards to things in your life that are keeping you from growing into someone who is healthier and happier: mentally, physically, emotionally, and everywhere else. You will be stepping into your own power and your attitude will determine if you step into it gracefully or not. Overall, your lesson will be in learning how to free yourself from your own chains.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈

Signs:

"be free", the sun, heavy fixed sign energy, ceres, gemini, pluto, neptune, feeling disconnected from venus placement, having trouble speaking, 111, manifestations, "coming in", "i'm walking", "be realistic", mercedes, goose/geese

Shufflemancy:

“Love Like Woe” by The Ready Set

“One Step At a Time” by Jordin Sparks

“Are You That Somebody” by Aaliyah

“This World” by Ateez

“Can You Stand the Rain” by New Edition

“What Comes Next?” from Hamilton the Musical

Cards:

Eight of Coins (Rx), King of Swords (Rx), Five of Wands (Rx), The Hanged Man, King of Coins, Seven of Coins, The Sun, Fixed, Ceres, Sagittarius (Rx), 111, Mercury (Rx), Venus (Rx), Neptune, Pluto

Reading:

If you chose this pile, your lesson for the year deals with your self-worth and self-determination. “One Step At a Time” by Jordin Sparks seems to fit your energy best for this next year. It seems some of this energy may be lingering from last year also, but during 2024 you may feel as if you’re doing a lot of work but receiving no benefits from it. Eventually, this lack of success and recognition could wear on you, and you could wonder if what all you’re doing is even worth it. With your work, it could seem as if you do so much, but it’s just not quite enough to other people - even if you’re trying your absolute hardest. You could end up feeling unappreciated and as if you’re not advancing anywhere. 

It seems someone could be turning people away from you. For some people, this is a literal person who you may get along with, but you don’t really confront them when it comes to what they’re doing. For others of you, this is the universe purposefully blocking things from you because you’re trying to speed up the time you get certain things, and it’s telling you, “this isn’t how that works”. Regardless, there is someone or something in a higher position keeping you from reaching the success you think you deserve. This conflict will frustrate you throughout the year, and it could prove difficult for you to deal with. 

With the Hanged Man and Five of Wands (Rx), you’re being asked to compromise and re-think why you think you deserve recognition or success in a certain way. Is your reasoning valid or in good faith? Is your way really the only way you can gain what it is you’re wanting? Is what you’re wanting the best for you? I’m reminded of the meme (I guess is what it is) where a little girl is holding a small teddy bear or something, and Jesus is asking her to give it to Him, and she’s refusing, but the audience can see that He has an even bigger teddy bear for her; I feel like this will represent how your success for this year will be. You may have one view of how you want it, but that result keeps getting pushed back or thwarted because you’re thinking too small. 

The action of patience will be your most important lesson this year. “Can You Stand the Rain” fits really well for this closing part of the reading. You will be learning how to wither the storm of seemingly being overlooked and having your ideas of abundance not being given to you how and when you want in exchange for even better and more success to meet you at the end. As is always said, “patience is a virtue”.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈𝐈

Signs:

222, swan, itchy left palm, losing items, “i’m so sorry”, prominent sagittarius and/or gemini placements, heavy mutable energy, neptune dominant or many aspects to neptune, ducks, water, lust for nostalgia, being lost in your memories

Shufflemancy:

“In Love with Another Man” by Jazmine Sulllivan

“needy” by Ariana Grande

“Halazia” by Ateez

“Home” by Todrick Hall

“6 Foot 7 Foot” by Lil Wayne (feat. Corey Gunz)

“Put It On Da Floor Again” by Latto (feat. Cardi B)

Cards:

Queen of Cups (Rx), Six of Cups (Rx), Ace of Wands, Ten of Coins, The Sun, Six of Coins, The Emperor, Memories (Rx), Mutable (Rx), Sagittarius (Rx), Planetary Retrograde (Rx)

Reading:

For those choosing pile three, your lesson during the year will relate to you recognizing yourself more. Those who chose this pile may feel disconnected from their emotions or feel very emotionally drained last year and entering the new year. You may be very used to letting people utilize you in their lives however they want while when it comes to you needing people, they often are away or too busy to care about you. You could be prone to co-dependent relationships where you feel like you need to be needed or of help to someone and they to you, but you let them give you the bare minimum while you give your all. 

Earlier, I thought you might be someone who doesn’t like remembering things or has a hard time with their memory, but it’s actually the opposite! You’re someone who loves to get lost in the past and what used to be; the song “Could’ve Been” by H.E.R feels relevant. For some reason the energy for this pile feels very connected to a relationship that you may miss during the year. It seems you will eventually come to the realization that you’re losing yourself to the past and recognize you need to garner up the willpower to keep going for the present. You will gain the energy to begin doing things for yourself instead of for the sake of pleasing others. You will be recognizing how important you are to yourself, and/or you will be building up that importance.��

During this year, you will be building a new foundation where you do things for you. You will be focusing on your own growth and prioritizing self-care. You will learn how to put your happiness above other people's, which might be an issue you have been avoiding for a while. Rather than relying on others for emotional stability and to qualify your self-worth, you will likely end up doing a ton of introspection to discover what makes you happy solo. If you’re someone who is chronically in relationships, you may take a well-needed break in order to discover yourself like you’ve been putting off doing. 

Overall, your lesson for the new year involves being your own rock so to speak. You will be learning how to set boundaries to protect yourself from people who are no good for you because they want to be like vampires in using you. Instead, you will focus on yourself and your ideals, wants, desires, and emotions. Your lesson this year will be learning how to focus on you.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐕

Signs:

having a lot of conjunctions in natal or solar return chart, heavy fixed energy, being born on a new moon, heavy uranus energy, “i don’t forgive you”, heavy fourth house placements and energy, “i don’t forgive you”, (oak) trees, miracles, unicorns

Shufflemancy:

“Focus” by Ariana Grande

“Hello” by J. Cole

“Lonely St.” by Stray Kids

“On It” by Jazmine Sullivan (feat. Ari Lennox)

“Another One Bites the Dust” by Queen

“New Money” by Leikeli47

Cards:

Ace of Cups, Four of Coins, The Devil, Temperance, Knight of Coins, King of Cups, Judgement, The Fool, Conjunction, Fixed, New Moon, Uranus, 4H, Trees, Miracles

Reading:

Those choosing this final pile, your lessons this year may relate to embracing new beginnings and a fresh start. For you, I’m reminded of all these rituals people are engaging in as we all enter the new year: eating black eyed peas, not washing clothes, having someone with money enter the house first, eating grapes under a table at midnight, and everything else. It seems you’re in the energy of “new year, new me”! With that, your lessons seem to relate to putting that quote to the test and seeing if you’re actually ready to embrace what comes with newness. 

You could be losing things and people this year; maybe you fall out with certain people in your friend group, or you lose your job, or you graduate from school, or you’ll find a whole new group of friends. In general, the concept of not getting so attached to things or people to the point where you’re unwilling to separate from them comes to mind. Not that you can’t also develop strong attachments and relationships! But, when it’s time to let a situation or person go do not spend so much time trying to get them to stay. “When it’s time to go; it’s time to go”. 

Do not become obsessive about things and people you come into contact with this year. The phrase, “there’s a time and season for everything” is very important! “Be flexible” is the best advice I could give for those reading this pile. Being flexible does not entail not working hard though; find a balance between being hardworking and putting in effort and also being open to change and loss. There is a major emphasis on balance and being in control when it comes to your emotions but also overall this year. 

Overall, your lessons deal with being open to the change that comes with a new year and declaring that you’re ready for new things. You still need to put in work and go about life and strive to achieve what it is you want - in relationships, friendships, work, your daily life, and more, but you also need to be willing to let people and things go when the universe tells you they’re no longer serving or helping you. Truly, be open to the new beginnings you’re saying you want. 

[phoenixkaptain]

Always get so worked up when people are like “Batman doesn’t kill people, he just puts them in critical care, isn’t that worse?” And it’s. NO. No it isn’t worse because that’s the point the point is that he hurts them to the point they wish they are dead I-

Modern Batman especially, but even early Batman portray “Batman” as something ominous. It isn’t normal, it isn’t what a normal person should want to be like. Batman is unflinching and merciless amd drops out of the shadows because he’s supposed to be creepy!! He’s an eepy creepy lil dude!

The original origin of the “bat” part of Batman was bats being seen as a bad omen. They’re ominous, they denote bad luck. Bruce says that criminals are all superstitious, so ge decides to dress as a bat. This is literally the first explanation given for why Batman Batmans, and it all leads back to the sole fact that Bruce is trying to scare people.

He WANTS to be the Boogey-Man hiding under beds, he’s AIMING to be the eyes watching ominously from the shadows, he’s TRYING to be scary!

Death is scary, but the lead up to death is the scariest part, isn’t it?

Horror movies are scary because of the unrelenting figure stalking through the night. Slashers were scary because they killed with knives- it took multiple, painful stabs to die. Saw was considered scary because the injuries the traps inflict, the horror stems from imagining yourself in that position and wondering if you could hurt yourself to the point you would wish you were dead to live.

That’s the horror of Batman. An ominous omen. A creature that doesn’t stop until it reaches its prey. A stalker who knows more about you than you know about yourself. Death is more desirable, because death equals escape and this is a monster you will never be able to escape from.

That was the horror of It Follows, wasn’t it? The monster was everywhere and nowhere, always following, unrelenting, and the only way to escape was to give it to someone else.

Batman makes villains wish they were dead and that is the point. That is literally what he’s going for. Bruce Wayne has stocks in Gotham Hospital EMTs and he’s going to cash in right before he retires. The pain is inflicted on purpose. “I don’t want to kill anyone” is not the same phrase as “I don’t want to hurt anyone.” He wants to hurt people. Just, undeniably. Mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually; he wants them to be hurt.

And I can’t stand when people act like hurting people goes against his morals. Has Batman ever said he didn’t want to hurt anybody? It was a lie, if he ever did, because he definitely hurts himself literally everyday on purpose. He’s an eepy! Creepy! Spooky! Little! Guy! Let him be an eepy creepy spooky little guy!

[weaselandfriends]

What is your list of worst books of all time?

On top of Seymour: An Introduction, the books that have brought me the most misery are:

The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie. Yes this is the work he got the fatwa put on him for, the reason I hate it has nothing to do with that. Circumstances may have played a part, I read this shortly before I wrote Fargo and was at a brutal lowpoint mentally, but this is also such a cloying overly cute excessive mishmash it drove me insane. This is what everyone who hates hysterical realism thinks hysterical realism is. So many giant paragraphs that are just endless lists of things. The crazy part is that I read the whole book and was like "Okay so why did they put the fatwa on him for this?" and I looked it up and it's like, nothing. It's like 5 seconds of this monstrously long book, blink and you miss it. Completely insane. It's not worth it, everyone, don't knife the guy over this.

Vineland by Thomas Pynchon. Pynchon's a great author and has some real classics but he took ten years off after Gravity's Rainbow and came back and wrote this shit, it's like a joke he's playing at the expense of everyone who dared to think he was a good author. There's no real plot, it's a loose collection of episodes, all of which are modeled on trashy B-movies, like there's a plot where everyone investigates a giant footprint and the joke is that it's Godzilla's footprint, there's an episode about a convent of ninja nuns (Infinite Jest has a footnote parodying this), maybe this makes it sound good but it's delivered in this very hippie-stoner Dad humor way that mostly makes it groanworthy, I was constantly groaning reading this. The main point in its favor is that every time it mentions the name of a movie it always puts the year the movie came out in parentheses afterward, like Friday the 13th (1980). That never gets old.

Island by Aldous Huxley. It's Dances with Wolves except with Huxley's made up super spiritual philosophic utopia. Couldn't stand it.

The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss. I don't normally read fantasy but prior to writing Cleveland Quixotic I read this and the first Wheel of Time book. The Wheel of Time book was simply boring but Name of the Wind was actively awful. First off it's a liar book, it has this elaborate frame narrative that promises it'll be about the exploits of this incredible kingslayer who did all this super cracked-out stuff but that's a lie. The story starts out with his early life, with an episodic narrative of his orphaned childhood eking a life on the streets, and then he goes to magic school and I think, okay this is another episodic narrative on his way to all that kingslaying stuff, he'll be at magic school for about 100 pages or so. No. He's at magic school for the rest of the book and, as I understand, most (all?) of the second book. This is a magic school book, it's about a guy in magic school. His main problem is about how he will pay off his student loans. An absurd amount of the book is dedicated to that question, also the typical Only I Level Up coterie of sneering figures who don't like the main character and thus are hopelessly pathetic and evil people with no redeeming qualities. Also the romance elements of this story are unbearable to read, there's a passage near the end I was literally, actually cringing at, as in curling up in a physical reaction of embarrassment, as the main character rhapsodizes about a girl who friendzoned him and how he has a much more emotionally significant relationship with her than she does with her actual boyfriend. Truly abominable. I also love how despite this being one of the most popular and best-selling fantasy books nowadays the publisher didn't even bother to try on the cover, just a shitty photoshop of a shadowman in a field.

This Love Story Will Self-Destruct by Leslie Cohen. This one's cheating, nobody has heard of or read this, I in fact had not heard of it. I ordered Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas online and instead of that they sent me this book and because if you give me a book I'll read it I read this one. Honestly it's not even actively misery-inducing like these other books it's just a bad contemporary romance story with shoddy prose and nothing going on under the hood, I only put it here because it's a funny story how I got the book to begin with.

[ohyespotatous]

Fri, May 31, 2024

🌲 End-of-month reflections 🌲

"Easy wins" vs "Eat your frog" ⚡🐸

I see this pattern of me falling into a prolonged slump (3-4 months) after maintaining pretty consistent and productive days for a month, and then I need quite a long time to get back on track again. I realized this some time ago, and I thought I shouldn’t push myself too much or beat myself up if I couldn’t achieve my ideal day. I acknowledge that my productivity could ebb and flow.

But the thing is, once I loosened my grip, even a little, I fell into this dark hole again. 

Sometimes, I’d wake up in the morning and do not feel like doing too much, so I let myself rest. However, I got carried away, which continued for days or longer. Sometimes, I’d start my day with good energy, but I spent too much time on smaller tasks, so I didn’t have enough time to do the crucial tasks. 

So, to keep my days going in any situation, I think I need to switch between the “easy win” and “eat your frog” strategies based on how I feel in the morning and how important the tasks that I have to complete that day are.

If I feel energized and motivated and have a “big task” to finish as soon as possible, I’ll eat my frog first, when my brain is still fresh and I have a lot of energy. But if I don’t feel it when I wake up (or if I wake up late), I need to accomplish my easy wins first, so I feel motivated to tackle bigger tasks.

For the best results, I need to make nightly planning (or listing whatever I need to do the next day) a habit so that I have an idea of how the day should go. 

On learning languages 🧠

I didn’t identify myself as a language learner, but I think I need to dedicate some time to studying my own language and English. 

I feel like I’m losing my ability to use my mother tongue because I’m exposed to English media too much and rarely interact with real people in person. I used to live in a boarding house full of workers who came home late (and I work remotely), so I only talked to them when we met in the kitchen or the living room. I have moved back in with my dad, who also comes home late, so we only have the chance to talk around dinnertime. It feels awkward when I try to write in my language because I barely use it these days, but when I write in English, I still can’t express myself freely the way I intend to 😅

I’m literally relying on my language and communication skills for a living when in reality, I suck at it!!! I must survive :(

I want to work on my spiritual wellness, finding peace and meaning in life 🤍

I think one of the reasons I struggle these days is that I don’t have a good sense of purpose. I don’t know exactly what I’m chasing or what I'm working for. I think I need to connect with my inner self to figure out that purpose so I can navigate through challenges with greater resilience. I want to have a balanced and fulfilling life. I want to experience a deeper sense of satisfaction and contentment mentally, emotionally, and physically.

How was May? 🌼

May wasn’t the most productive month, but it was way better than April. In April, I was almost like a living corpse, never leaving my room—or bed, even—to the point that my body was stiff, and I had thigh pains. In May, I started to feel alive again. I started finding my routine again and caught up on some responsibilities. Everyone has their own challenges, and this is the tiny win of the challenge for me. But that doesn’t mean I can ease up. I need to put in more effort to be better.

ლ(╹◡╹ლ)

[watchnrant]

“Like a Prayer” as the Theme Song for Violet Sorrengail & Xaden Riorson

Absolutely—let’s go full literary analysis mode and break this down with deeper textual parallels.

Rebecca Yarros’ Fourth Wing, Iron Flame, and now Onyx Storm construct a relationship between Violet and Xaden that is both deeply emotional and spiritually charged. Madonna’s Like a Prayer encapsulates their bond through themes of fate, devotion, sacrifice, and transcendence. Let’s break it down line by line.

“Life is a mystery / Everyone must stand alone”

From the start, both Violet and Xaden are figures of isolation, shaped by their circumstances:

Violet enters Basgiath War College as an outsider, physically weak, academically inclined, and viewed as someone who shouldn’t have survived the parapet. She’s also emotionally isolated due to her mother’s coldness and the loss of her father and brother (or so she thinks).

Xaden, as the son of a rebel leader, exists on the fringes of society, marked as an enemy even while serving Navarre. His leadership among the other children of the rebellion keeps him in a constant state of emotional solitude—he is the protector, but who protects him?

This line perfectly captures their emotional states before their relationship begins. They are alone, standing on opposite sides of a conflict larger than themselves.

“I hear you call my name / And it feels like home”

One of the strongest motifs in The Empyrean series is the idea of finding home in another person:

In Fourth Wing, Violet and Xaden are initially distrustful of each other, but as they are drawn together (both through dragon bonds and mutual understanding), they become each other’s anchor.

By Iron Flame, Violet literally follows Xaden into enemy territory, willing to risk everything because she cannot imagine leaving him behind.

Even when Xaden begins to lose himself to venin corruption (Onyx Storm), Violet is the one pulling him back—her presence is his tether to humanity.

The moment Xaden first speaks Violet’s name with care instead of hostility marks a turning point in their relationship. It foreshadows how, time and time again, their connection will be the thing that saves them.

“When you call my name it’s like a little prayer / I’m down on my knees, I wanna take you there”

This lyric is the emotional and thematic heart of the song’s connection to their relationship.

1. Spiritual Connection & Devotion

This isn’t just romantic devotion—it’s a sacred bond. Their dragons, Tairn and Sgaeyl, force them into proximity, but it is their emotional and mental connection that deepens into something unshakable.

The phrase “down on my knees” suggests surrender—both of them have moments where they must surrender to their bond.

* Xaden, who is so used to control, finds himself helpless in his love for Violet.

* Violet, who has spent her life being underestimated, lets herself trust him fully.

2. The Venin Struggle & the Concept of “Prayer” as Salvation

In Onyx Storm, Xaden becomes venin, a transformation that is almost akin to damnation. But Violet refuses to accept that he is lost, praying (metaphorically) for a way to bring him back.

Her faith in him becomes his salvation, just as he once believed in her when everyone else doubted her ability to survive.

The idea of “prayer” implies both desperation and belief—Violet believes in Xaden even when he does not believe in himself.

“In the midnight hour I can feel your power”

This line directly mirrors multiple moments in the books where Xaden and Violet find strength through each other in their darkest moments:

The War Games in Fourth Wing – When they are ambushed, it is Xaden’s trust in Violet’s power (her lightning-wielding signet) that turns the tide of battle.

The aftermath of Aretia in Iron Flame – When Violet learns the truth about Navarre’s lies, it is Xaden who helps her navigate the rebellion’s reality.

Xaden’s transformation in Onyx Storm As he wrestles with his venin nature, the only thing keeping him from completely succumbing is Violet’s presence.

This lyric captures the idea that they are stronger together than apart. When one of them is close to breaking, the other’s power—whether it’s literal (magic) or emotional (love)—becomes their salvation.

“I close my eyes / Oh God, I think I’m falling / Out of the sky, I close my eyes / Heaven help me”

The imagery of falling aligns perfectly with both the literal and metaphorical falls they experience:

Violet literally falls from the sky multiple times (during training, in battle, in moments where her survival is on the line). Xaden is often the one catching her or standing by her side as she regains her strength.

Emotionally, they both fall—hard.

Xaden tries to resist falling for Violet, but the pull is too strong.

Violet initially distrusts him, but the more she learns about him, the more inevitable their connection becomes.

“Heaven help me” could symbolize Violet’s fear of giving in—her love for Xaden is dangerous, not just because of their political situation but because of what it means for her emotionally.

“You’re in control just like a child / Now I’m dancing”

This lyric could be read in two ways in relation to Violet and Xaden:

1. Power Dynamics:

Xaden is known for his control, but when it comes to Violet, he often finds himself vulnerable. He can strategize, lead, and fight, but she has the power to undo him emotionally.

Meanwhile, Violet grows into her power—by Onyx Storm, she is no longer the physically weak girl struggling to survive. She is a force, and even Xaden acknowledges her strength.

2. The Dragon Bond & Influence:

Dragons dictate a lot of what happens between them. Tairn and Sgaeyl’s mating bond forces Violet and Xaden together in ways they wouldn’t have chosen on their own. The idea of being “in control just like a child” reflects the fact that despite their best efforts, destiny seems to be at play.

“Just like a dream / You are not what you seem”

This is particularly fitting for Xaden, whose layers are slowly revealed throughout the series:

He starts as the terrifying, tattooed leader of the rebellion’s children, someone Violet is conditioned to fear.

Over time, she realizes he is deeply protective, strategic, and willing to sacrifice everything for those he loves.

This line also applies to Violet, who is repeatedly underestimated. She is perceived as fragile, but in reality, she is one of the strongest characters in the series.

“No choice, your voice can take me there”

One of the most interesting aspects of The Empyrean series is the connection between dragons and their riders. Xaden and Violet literally hear each other’s voices through their dragons’ telepathic link. There are moments when their connection is so intense it transcends verbal communication. The fact that Xaden can reach Violet without even speaking—and vice versa—makes this line particularly powerful.

Conclusion: Why This Song Works

Religious & Spiritual Themes – Xaden and Violet’s bond is not just romantic; it feels fated, almost sacred. The song’s gospel influences reflect the intensity of their relationship.

Sacrifice & Salvation – Xaden constantly puts himself at risk for Violet, and she, in turn, refuses to give up on him even when he becomes venin.

Falling & Rising Together – The imagery of falling, flying, and surrendering aligns with their journey as dragon riders and as lovers.

Ultimately, Like a Prayer is more than just a song that fits their relationship—it embodies the emotional, physical, and spiritual depth of their connection.

[yoonstudios]

Indefinite Hiatus

god i haven't made a hiatus post for what seems like a year now lol.

anyway! yeah so about like 2 weeks ago i thought of just deleting this account because i don't feel much of a reason to come on here anymore lmao. but i didn't want to make an impulse decision, so i'm gonna keep it up. there are some personal reasons as to why i don't really have much motivation to post on this blog anymore, which i'll leave below, but it's mostly because of self-care reasons and just having other priorities in general.

i'll probably come back and be literally active, but it's gonna be quite a while, like several months or maybe even years, idk. i'm just doing myself a favor and taking a break from a lot of things right now for the sake of my own mental well-being.

any of my mutuals or followers can contact me on discord! i'm softangelics :)

(just shoot me a dm so i know who you are, if you would!)

as i said above, most of this is just to take a break from things and to focus on my own mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health just a little bit more. over the last few years or so, i've realized that my home isn't really a mentally and emotionally healthy environment, so i think it's a good idea for me to prioritize myself to keep myself sane, lmao.

i've realized recently that i've completely lost my dad to conspiracy theories and general unhealthy behavior and that he's not a healthy father figure; i need time to come to terms with that. it doesn't help that my mom is also following him down the rabbit hole, even if her beliefs are more watered-down. my parents have a very unhealthy relationship, anyway.

bts hasn't really been my first priority (as they shouldn't be, i don't think; if i said this on army twitter i'd be dead lol). so it's not in a "i've left the magic shop 😔" kinda way, lmao. it's just lately i've been wanting to focus on caring for myself, connecting deeper with my faith, figuring out what i really want and need in life, etc. so that's kinda why i'm dropping this blog for either a little while, or forever! who knows! and i do miss them together as seven a fuck ton, don't think i don't ;)

but yeah, lately i've just being feeling this weird kind of apathy and emptiness that i haven't felt in a really long time, and i think it's time i heal (?) from whatever i need to heal from. i don't really know how exactly i'm gonna go about that, but that's exactly why i need this break! if i do come back, i hope i come back as a wiser and generally healthier person <3

i love all of you so much! as i said, you can contact me whenever you want :)

[yunnathearcher]

Woke up thankful. And it’s Sunday. Blessings.

Time to let the sunlight in.

Can’t always be lit, no. But damn isn’t it beautiful when it is?

The last Sunday of November.

No desire to critique, I simply want to feel.

Staying very close to my feeling nature.

Listening to you because I hear you, paying attention to you because I feel it too.

Namaste

Once I get to the end I will go backwards but for now I just want to focus on getting to the end.

Backwards as a seal moreso than a retrace

Yes I have an open mind. Literally, figuratively.

The eagle is my spirit animal. No more no less. It is the primal owner of my vision.

One of them.

Physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, psychologically.

I do have issues & qualms about interfacing with the current world we live in, society, etc. But who doesn’t?

Things just feel a little strange now and I am just over here, adjusting.

Don’t wanna go all maladaptive on the world.

Will do the Sunday reading & will do the day.

Also if you are new here, welcome. Interact if you are genuinely led, feel free to take whatever resonates.

A ladybug came to visit. Àșé.

There are some that you would have loved forever, but it’s not about that it’s about the love you still have and where you’re gonna put that for the rest of forever

This realm is inverted. Gotta pay attention

The moon loves the sun. You gotta know that

Moon love all the planets fr.

Life is complicated, love is not.

Halfway hike, whole way vibe. Here comes sunset. Will resume come Spring.

To the east and back in under 2hrs flat, call it an extreme sport.

Spiritual, ethereal, magical, etc still gotta exist and maneuver through the third dimension. Safely at that.

“Soul wealth”

Sushi & vibes, good ones

Discontinuing the week in review posts. Reallocating & routing energy into other creative avenues, also honoring deep intimacy in my connections

I love the darker side of the moon, I do I do

Entire body is sore but it feels so good

[showstopperhomiehopper]

I'm a dominant homicidal maniac raver. I hold absolutely no regard for human existence. Mate. feed. kill. repeat. The depths of depravity that my twisted mind can indulge in are generally beyond the comprehension of the normal human being. I want to watch you bleed. literally and figuratively. i want to see a look of psychosis induced hysteria, of complete and total desperation in your eye. For only then i have truly succeeded. I wish to control in every sense of the word. Mentally, Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually, Sexually. i will mark, brand, pierce, and scar as i see fit. mentally i will destroy. You just dont understand this business yet. If it's done right, they don't run. They're scared; they're shocked; and they just keep coming back for more.

[anyu-blue]

I just had a question come across in my head...

"When will life get/be fulfilling?"

And I feel the need to laugh at myself.

I can buy things I never got to have/things that were withheld from me as a child... I have gifts for friends sitting in the corner of this picture.... I have shelves filled with hobby items from trying to make my own fun... books, entertainment, and all the opportunities for a quiet evening sitting right there in front of me... sweets and treats and fun things galore... collectibles and oddities and storage and more...

And I look at them all... and see... little I actually want. Little that makes me feel... fulfilled/driven/motivated/....happy.

I don't know what to do. I've just been sitting here for hours waiting for it to be bedtime so I can get tomorrow over with. Trying to idly pass the time, yet with no desire to even pick up a gaming console or go to my computer... or... anything, really. I just want tomorrow to be over. It's almost all I want right now.

... except... I also want to have drive... desire... feel fulfilled. And I'm not... I don't have it. I'm just.... dead... inside. I'm very much here and present, soft and fleshy and way too close to the surface, as normal... and yet I also just feel like a shell.

I'm bored.

I've got no goals. No direction.

I've made plenty before. Succeeded in a few too. But, overall... no real sense of belonging or... being needed, let alone wanted.

I'm alone often as of late. It severely disregulates me... but there's nothing I can do about it... aside from stuff I really don't want to do/that can make it a lot worse. I hate people. And being with strangers/having to have a mask on all the time is exhausting. I don't just get to 'be' unless my elder sibling is home. I have no other mirrors or body doubles. And not even the cats can seem to reach me anymore.

I know I'm still grappling with what happened to me last December. I know that's part of why I feel so dead. But I also don't know or see a way out of it. Everything I've tried, everything I've learned just... falls flat. Some bits have worked for a little while... but now... it's all flat and barren again.

I honestly think, at this point.... my sister really did kill a part of me. One that's disappearing and/or gone for good.

I told her I didn't know if I'd forgive her aside from forgiving her for being human... it's not really up to me- I don't know why I hold grudges and can't let go of certain things to the extent I do.... but also that I didn't know if it had come and gone.. being too late. I didn't know if I'd ever recover. I didn't know if it was too little too late... the good she's finding in herself now. I saw the absolute worst she ever was. Perhaps the absolute worst she ever will be. And it almost literally tore me to shreds. I was physically injured. Bruised. Battered. Cut. Broken. And I was mentally, spiritually (of that's a thing), and emotionally broken down to my own barest of survival mechanisms it got so bad.darn. (I wasn't the only one injured, but I WAS the one people ignored the injuries of. Cuz I share my injuries too often or something. Go figure.)

I gave an ultimatum. Stop. Seek help. Or I leave.... knowing I had nowhere to go.

...

I don't think I left when I should have. I know I was too afraid of the cold. I ended up Sticking around to give warnings and guidance even while battered some more, if much less than before.

I've been... different since then. And I think it's a bad thing. Especially because... before I was shattered.... I had the briefest glimpse of the BEST *I* could be... I was doing amazing. Cleaning and moving and organizing and doing and HAPPY. I felt HAPPY. With no outside source or pushing. I was genuinely enjoying myself and life and was feeling amazing in ways I'd only dreamed of (seriously, I'm usually only able to feel a lot in my dreams) and being so amazing in return for feeling that way. I was productive and kind and involved and had the world as my oyster. I was looking forward to so much, and motivated to make them a reality. I didn't even need a body double!!! I found a way to do it on my own!!

....

And then... it crumbled before me. Everyone else was suffering. Was their worst. And I had to grovel and beg and plead and fight for their sakes in the places they fell.... and I wasn't given any indication it even meant anything to them, they were so deep into their own suffering... they didn't care or understand who dragged them out or how... and even though that doesn't matter -praise or thanks- the thinf that hurt the worst was... nothing changed.... I still had to lead... and was offered no help when I asked for it. I was belittled and brushed aside as I always was. I had to give that ultimatum....

I don't want to lead anymore. And I've stopped, really.

I tried to help with the leaking roof problem... started everything. Reached out to our managers twice. Asked them to reach out too because I know requests get buried.. they didn't/haven't reached out... so they can deal with the rot for all I care.

I told them about the dryer problem/how to fix it... helped when they asked me to help looking at it... told them what they needed to do to get it fixed and that I didn't have the energy to do it. They promised they'd get it... they never did it. So we can have mildewy clothes and higher power bills for all I care.

I told them I had no motivation to cook them or myself meals anymore.. asked and begged them to cook on their own. Even demanded it of them at points because we were all hungry, and they wanted something that took effort. Told them if they even did it occasionally I'd be able to have energy to again. .... they refuse. I go hungry often. Hundreds are spent on delivered food and instant meals when I can't stand being hungry anymore. We can throw that money away, and I won't say a thing except to thank people for the food.

Who the fuck cares?

I certainly do. But I don't matter enough my care means anything... so I don't give a damn. I have no energy to give a darn. It's all spent not giving a darn or just trying to get to and through tomorrow.

I just want tomorrow to be over.

And then Wednesday to be over. And then Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Wednesday.... and so on and so on.... I just want the bad to be over.

It's never over... if I work hard to make it better or not. It's not going to be over til I'm gone, and maybe not even then if some religion is true....

So why work hard? Why try so hard?

I just want it to be over.

[moo-nstone]

the sun through the houses 

sun in the 1st house: you irradiate confidence and self-assurance, as if you know exactly who the fuck you are and what you're here to do and people are very drawn to that kind of energy in you, to the way you're so full of life, spontaneous, ready to face anything that life throws at you and your ambitious nature. you thrive when you're uplifting others to feel as good as you do because you don't want to shine alone, and because on the inside, you might be much more insecure than people are aware of - you understand what it's like to be at rock bottom, but you're good at hiding this part of yourself. can be very controlling and competitive, and if you were raised in an environment where your parents used to fight a lot, you might chase conflict wherever you go. be careful with being arrogant and proud, and be aware that your strong energy might overwhelm a lot of people. whatever you do, you follow your heart. you need appreciation and recognition from others. you keep your cool in the most stressful situations. 

sun in the 2nd house: you crave to achieve financial success; here, the planet of the ego is tied to the house that rules material possessions and our self-worth, so you want to achieve power by getting rich because that's how you feel safe. you're very talented when it comes to business and making good investments that'll allow you to get to the next step. when it comes to your ambitions, if you want something, you'll work hard for it and only stop when you get it. you're very witty, with your dry humor and sarcastic personalities, you truly have the best comebacks lmao and above all, you always keep your word. you take pleasure in everything lavish that life has to offer; you have great taste and know when something is of value almost instinctively. you need to make sure you're appreciating the people in your life instead of only what you own and your ambitions because you're at your best when you're expressing your kind and generous side. you might be into retail therapy when you feel sad or empty, but afterward, you might feel terrible because the fulfillment shopping gives you is only temporary. careful with being controlling or possessive. 

sun in the 3rd house: you use your mind like a weapon. you truly have a way with words and you're able to express yourself in a way that leaves everyone wanting to know more about you; but most of all, you crave to keep on learning more and more and to expand your knowledge, because that's what feeds your soul. spontaneous personality; bold but unpredictable and you feel a sense of pride whenever you think about your friends, they're very important to you. you have the capability to bring stories to life, this placement is amazing for aspiring writers, and you like analyzing your surroundings which, in turn, makes you a very adaptable person. constant change in your way of thinking because you're always viewing things from different perspectives. you can become easily bored when you aren't feeling mentally stimulated, which is why you're always seeking new experiences, communicating with others and why you live so much in the present. persuasive. people who don't seek to expand their minds terrify you. you refuse to live in the shadows of your siblings, you have a need to stand as your own person. 

sun in the 4th house: when the planet of the ego is in the house of our family life, our inner experiences and our childhood trauma, you are blessed with a rich inner experience that leads you to want to delve deep into what you went through and how those experiences shaped you into the person you are today – and that means the trauma you went through, too. if you had bad experiences in your child, your journey is longer and harder because you find it harder to understand life, and you might've compared your home life to the "outside world" a lot, feeling like they were two different entities (think sinclair from demian). you're very caring and nurturing and very attached to your family, either the one you were brought under or the one you want to establish. having a home that feels cozy and safe is what brings you security, and you want to bring happiness to the ones you love the most. be careful with being too pessimistic and feeling paranoid that something bad will suddenly happen, and also with being too controlling and domineering. you need a lot of reassurance, but be careful with coming off as if you don't trust your loved ones. very strategic, you play the long game. 

sun in the 5th house: you literally irradiate artistic talent and creativity! you thrive when you express yourself and your originality and get recognized for it, and appreciation for your efforts is very important to you. intelligent, you can be very cunning and strategic, at the same time that your optimism and spontaneous nature naturally commands attention from others. very dramatic, you shine in the eyes of others. but although you have a happy aura to you, you can be very hard on yourself, thinking you're not good enough whenever you're not being appreciated. at your worst, you can have an exaggerated sense of pride, dominating energy, manipulative tendencies or feeling less than others. you may fluctuate between focusing a lot on yourself and being overly generous with everyone in your life. bold, you do a lot just to feel alive. you're very loyal and love deeply, passionate and nurturing, but be careful with involving yourself with people who take advantage of that. you should realize that appreciation should come from yourself and not others. if you add discipline to your originality, you can become very successful. 

sun in the 6th house: one of your driving forces is your attachment to your work and your need to be of service for others and to be recognized for your efforts. health, dieting, exercise and keeping a structured routine are very important to you. you have a constant need to be perfect and that can be your own worst enemy, because when you or others aren't meeting your high standards, you might feel like you're weak and have your insecurities taking over you. you can't stand being told what to do. very self-aware. a tendency to be a workaholic because it's what makes you feel proud of yourself; you need to feel like you're making the world a better place. stress can easily physically affect you, you should understand that validation needs to come from yourself and not from others, and accept that having imperfections is human, it doesn't make you weak! careful with having a routine too restrictive that doesn't allow you to have fun, work can become an obsession for you. you truly always want more and need to keep busy and productive to feel safe. don't let your insecurities stop you from pursuing your ambitions. 

sun in the 7th house: you have a very strong sense of justice because of your capability of analyzing a problem from all different perspectives. you need to bring peace everywhere you go and to help others in any way you can. you have a special charm that others feel drawn to, and many admire you for your caring nature and talent at giving advice, making you often the center of attention in the middle of groups. sociable and good with words, you're very persuasive; although you might tend to identify yourself too much with what others think of you – you should understand that others' opinions aren't that important and it's how you view yourself that matters. you crave affection and are very sensitive when it comes to your relationships, you would do anything for your loved ones and you're very in tune with their needs. you can have people-pleasing tendencies because you're terrified of rejection. you're determined to succeed and to build an amazing self-image because you have a gift when it comes to social intelligence. can have some open enemies.

sun in the 8th house: can attract a chaotic life that pushes you into achieving transformations because that's how you grow and evolve, through the process of death and rebirth. you can't deal with superficiality and you crave deep connections with people, intimacy and to evolve with the person you love. creative. you may feel like the universe sends you messages so that you'll reach an awareness of some kind. you love experiencing new things and especially with yourself, you constantly look forward to changing your appearance and your spiritual or emotional views on the world. you feel a need for self-improvement. very secretive, you value privacy more than anything and you don't allow almost anyone to figure you out. you might be terrified of not finding people who want to connect with you as deeply as you want with them. tendency to isolate yourself emotionally, as in you might open up to others about superficial matters but when it comes to emotions, you're terrified of showing that part of yourself. you want to help others through their darkest times. 

sun in the 9th house: you love learning and dream of exploring the world, it's like you can absorb any information that you get your hands on. very idealistic and dreamy, it's hard for you to keep grounded on reality and material things when you're so concerned with the metaphysical, to understanding the secrets of the universe and all that is spiritual, philosophical, religious and transcendental. so enthusiastic and curious, it's like you can't stay still for a minute and long to go on adventures. you can see the best in people, but be careful with only seeing their good parts – you need to understand that nothing is black or white and people are morally grey and complex, not all bad nor all good. might be very pessimistic if you've gone through something traumatic that completely shattered your perceptions of the good in the world; you might feel like things are never going to get better (i promise they are). very proud of your knowledge. high ideals and honesty. loyal to your beliefs always. careful with being too authoritative. 

sun in the 10th house: when the planet of the ego falls in the house of social status, you seek power above all. you want fame, notoriety and to lead, and when not achieving what you want, you might become insecure. you can't help that ambition runs in your blood, but you should make sure you're doing things because you love doing them and not just to get recognized. it's like you need to achieve so that you can feel proud of yourself because you never felt that kind of support when you were younger, and achieving success feels like a life or death matter to you. you ooze charisma and you naturally draw attention to yourself, wanting to be recognized for your talents. very aware of how others perceive you. but even if you're a great leader, you hate following orders which can make you have problems with those in charge – be careful with making enemies and with stepping on others to get what you want, it’s very important that you keep a strong sense of morals or else you can grow to be arrogant and tyrannical. at your worst you can start abusing your power; at your best, you can use it to better the lives of all those around you like a true leader.

sun in the 11th house: here, the planet of ego is in the house of friendships, hopes, inventions and the collective, making you shine when you're able to help others. your friends are the most important thing for you, but be careful with identifying too much with them. you carry yourself with so much confidence, you're so full of life and with a love for learning and giving to others. eccentric personality and big dreams. you want to stand for a cause that matters to you alongside others who you love. others gravitate towards your magnetism, individuality and friendly nature, naturally looking up to you as a leader. if you happen to have been betrayed in the past, you might shut yourself completely from friendships due to a fear of trusting the wrong person again, but please don't deny yourself your need to socialize and to express your revolutionary ideas to others because you truly shine when you're around those who you trust and help you grow. 

sun in the 12th house: you might have a very hard time understanding who you are and your identity, and because of this sense of unclarity about yourself + your intuitive and empathetic nature where you absorb others' energies like a sponge and need a lot of solitude to recharge yourself, you might feel like you need to keep a mask in public, to play a character to feel safe interacting with others. plus, it doesn't help that you have perfectionist tendencies and hate failing and making mistakes. there's a tendency to feel very insecure and misunderstood, and to feel melancholic and with turbulent emotions, so you should be gentler with yourself and allow yourself to express your sensitivities, the way you're so compassionate and giving. because even if you need time to recharge for introspection, you shine when you can help others. be careful with developing self-destructive behaviors. artistic tendencies because of the depth of your emotions and inner world. you can be truly wise and others might see you as an "old soul" because of that. you might be a night owl. psychic potential. 

[theblissfulstars]

Full Moon Eclipse May 5th, 1:34pm

On May 5th 1:34 p.m. Eastern standard Time we are having a full moon eclipse and the zodiac sign of Scorpio. Eclipses are all about endings, changes and transformation, taking place in the sign of Scorpio these qualities are exacerbated and made even more pronounced. Will the full moon eclipse, this denotes the ending of emotional situations, changes of location and times of moving past things that no longer serve you.

With this particular full moon there are major themes of spiritual awareness, epiphany and Revelation. With the moon being opposite The sun and Uranus conjunction, sudden and dramatic insights and unexpected information are being given to the collective on a mass scale. This is only made more abundantly clear by a loose opposition to Mercury retrograde in Taurus. This moon is all about secrets being revealed through spiritual means, as well as secrets surrounding spiritual and religious organizations, institutions and people. The T-Square configuration between Pluto, Jupiter and Mars with Jupiter being the focus centers spiritual institutions, academia and teachers as a center point for major destructive transformation.The gurus and teachers that we have are not always trustworthy, this moon seeks to reveal that.

With Mars being opposite Pluto there is a bubbling up of tension from the subconscious and unconscious mind, things that we have kept buried already being revealed by Pluto retrograde are only being exaggerated and emphasized by the opposition of Mars. There may be volcanic activity on or surrounding this eclipse particularly in the ocean. Which could be a metaphor for emotions emerging from deep below our awareness, but I mean it literally as well.

With the moon conjunct psyche in retrograde motion, there is an element of whimsy, fantasy and magic to this eclipse. A deep curiosity that permeates the spirit is driving us to go deep with our emotions this full moon eclipse and get to the bottom of why we feel the way we feel. We're going to need all the help in the world figuring out what we value with Neptune hard square Venus increasing that feeling of fantasy but creating confusion around what we truly want and desire emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.

What we value, money and the environment play a major role in this eclipse. Concepts of beauty and wealth are going to be majorly visited in a big way this eclipse and questioned deeply. Especially in the realm of geopolitics and religion, we are going to be deeply inquiring as to the values of why we truly hold dear these institutions.

Being artistic, creating beauty and expressing yourself are deeply important for this full moon and are going to be integral to getting through it and tapped.

This full moon is going to cause conflict in internal bodies and groups such as corporations, governments, etc. However this is a major restructuring and actually has hopeful undertones. This eclipse has a very healing energy and is attempting to reorder, systematize and repair damage that has been done over the past few years.

With Juno on the MC and Venus in the 10th house, we are collectively aspiring towards partnership, romance and relationships. Even if no one's saying it we're definitely feeling the love bug. Don't be shy! Shoot your shot, it's Mercury retrograde until the 14th of May, setting the foundation for a beautiful connection now. This does not mean go back and text your ex, it means get over your ex and get on the apps or ask friends if they know anyone.

With Venus in the 10th house in Gemini and Saturn quintile Uranus, this speaks to economic instability that leads the way to monetary gain and success for the collective. This requires communication, social media and people power for it to happen. They're going to be major changes to workers' rights from this moon a positive direction.

Overall this mood is very purgative, healing and spiritual. A beautiful close to an eclipse season

Themes

Healing

Catharsis

Religious institutions

Economy

Secrets being revealed

Workers rights

Art

[be-gay-do-heists]

hello yall :) the holy month of elul started last night, which is typically a time for contemplation, so since it is impossible for me to stop thinking about leverage, i decided to write an essay. hope anyone interested in reading it enjoys, and that it makes at least a little sense!! spoilers for leverage redemption

-----

Leverage, Judaism, and “Doing the Work”: An Essay for Elul

When it comes to Elul and the approaching High Holidays, Leverage might seem like an odd topic to meditate on.

The TNT crime drama that ran from 2008-2012, and which released a new season this summer following its renewal, centers on a group of found-family thieves who help the victims of corporations and oligarchs (sometimes based on real-world examples), using wacky heists and cons to bring down the rich and powerful. In one episode, the team’s clients want to reclaim their father’s prized Glimt piece that had been stolen in the Shoah and never returned, but aside from this and the throwaway lines and jokes standard for most mainstream television, there’s not a ton textually Jewish about Leverage. However, despite this, I have found that the show has strong resonance among Jewish fans, and lots of potential for analysis along Jewish themes. This tends to focus on one character in particular: the group’s brilliant, pop culture-savvy, and personable hacker, Alec Hardison, played by the phenomenally talented Aldis Hodge.

I can’t remember when or where I first encountered a reading of Hardison as Jewish, but not only is this a somewhat popular interpretation, it doesn’t feel like that much of a leap. In the show itself, Hardison has a couple of the aforementioned throwaway lines that potentially point to him being Jewish, even if they’re only in service of that moment’s grift. It’s hard to point to what exactly makes reading Hardison as Jewish feel so natural. My first guess is the easy way Hardison fits into the traditional paradigms of Jewish masculinity explored by scholars such as Daniel Boyarin (2). Most of the time, the hacker is not portrayed as athletic or physical; he is usually the foil to the team’s more physically-adept characters like fighter Eliot, or thief Parker. Indeed, Hardison’s strength is mental, expressed not only through his computer wizardry but his passions for science, technology, music, popular media, as well as his studious research into whatever scenario the group might come up against. In spite of his self-identification as a “geek,” Hardison is nevertheless confident, emotionally sensitive, and secure in his masculinity. I would argue he is representative of the traditional Jewish masculine ideal, originating in the rabbinic period and solidified in medieval Europe, of the dedicated and thoughtful scholar (3). Another reason for popular readings of Hardison as Jewish may be the desire for more representation of Jews of color. Although mainstream American Jewish institutions are beginning to recognize the incredible diversity of Jews in the United States (4), and popular figures such as Tiffany Haddish are amplifying the experiences of non-white Jews, it is still difficult to find Jews of color represented in popular media. For those eager to see this kind of representation, then, interpreting Hardison, a black man who places himself tangential to Jewishness, in this way is a tempting avenue.

Regardless, all of the above remains fan interpretation, and there was little in the text of the show that seriously tied Judaism into Hardison’s identity. At least, until we got this beautiful speech from Hardison in the very first episode of the renewed show, directed at the character of Harry Wilson, a former corporate lawyer looking to atone for the injustice he was partner to throughout his career:

“In the Jewish faith, repentance, redemption, is a process. You can’t make restitution and then promise to change. You have to change first. Do the work, Harry. Then and only then can you begin to ask for forgiveness. [...] So this… this isn’t the win. It’s the start, Harry.”

I was floored to hear this speech, and thrilled that it explained the reboot’s title, Leverage: Redemption. Although not mentioned by its Hebrew name, teshuvah forms the whole basis for the new season. Teshuvah is the concept of repentance or atonement for the sins one has committed. Stemming from the root shuv/shuva, it carries the literal sense of “return.” In a spiritual context, this usually means a return to G-d, of finding one’s way back to holiness and by extension good favor in the eyes of the Divine. But equally important is restoring one’s relationships with fellow humans by repairing any hurt one has caused over the past year. This is of special significance in the holy month of Elul, leading into Rosh haShanah, the Yamim Noraim, and Yom Kippur, but one can undertake a journey of redemption at any point in time. That teshuvah is a journey is a vital message for Harry to hear; one job, one reparative act isn’t enough to overturn years of being on the wrong side of justice, to his chagrin. As the season progresses, we get to watch his path of teshuvah unfold, with all its frustrations and consequences. Harry grows into his role as a fixer, not only someone who can find jobs and marks for the team, but fixes what he has broken or harmed.

So why was Hardison the one to make this speech?

I do maintain that it does provide a stronger textual basis for reading Hardison as Jewish by implication (though the brief on-screen explanation for why he knows about teshuvah, that his foster-parent Nana raised a multi-faith household, is important in its own merit, and meshes well with his character traits of empathy and understanding for diverse experiences). However, beyond this, Hardison isn’t exactly an archetypical model for teshuvah. In the original series, he was the youngest character of the main ensemble, a hacking prodigy in the start of his adult career, with few mistakes or slights against others under his belt. In one flashback we see that his possibly first crime was stealing from the Bank of Iceland to pay off his Nana’s medical bills, and that his other early hacking exploits were in the service of fulfilling personal desires, with only those who could afford to pay the bill as targets. Indeed, in the middle of his speech, Hardison points to Eliot, the character with the most violent and gritty past who views his work with the Leverage team as atonement, for a prime example of ongoing teshuvah. So while no one is perfect and everyone has a reason for doing teshuvah, this question of why Hardison is the one to give this series-defining speech inspired me to look at his character choices and behavior, and see how they resonate with a different but interrelated Jewish principle, that of tikkun olam. 

Tikkun olam is literally translated as “repairing the world,” and can take many different forms, such as protecting the rights of vulnerable people in society, or giving tzedakah (5). In modern times, tikkun olam is often the rallying cry for Jewish social activists, particularly among environmentalists for whom literally restoring the health of the natural world is the key goal. Teshuvah and tikkun olam are intertwined (the former is the latter performed at an interpersonal level) and both hold a sense of fixing or repairing, but tikkun olam really revolves around a person feeling called to address an injustice that they may have not had a personal hand in creating. Hardison’s sense of a universal scale of justice which he has the power to help right on a global level and his newfound drive to do humanitarian work, picked up sometime after the end of the original series, make tikkun olam a central value for his character. This is why we get this nice bit of dialogue from Eliot to Hardison in the second episode of the reboot, when the latter’s outside efforts to organize international aid start distracting him from his work with the team: “Is [humanitarian work] a side gig? In our line of work, you’re one of the best. But in that line of work… you’re the only one, man.” The character who most exemplifies teshuvah reminds Hardison of his amazing ability to effect change for the better on a huge stage, to do some effective tikkun olam. It’s this acknowledgement of where Hardison can do the most good that prompts the character’s absence for the remainder of the episodes released thus far, turning his side gig into his main gig.

With this in mind, it will be interesting to see where Hardison’s arc for this season goes. Separated from the rest of the team, the hacker still has remarkable power to change the world, because it is, after all, the “age of the geek.” However, he is still one person. For all that both teshuvah and tikkun olam are individual responsibilities and require individual decision-making and effort, the latter especially relies on collective work to actually make things happen. Hardison leaving is better than trying to do humanitarian work and Leverage at the same time, but there’s only so long he can be the “only one” in the field before burning out. I’m reminded of one of the most famous (for good reason) maxims in Judaism:

It is not your duty to finish the work, but neither are you free to neglect it. (6)

Elul is traditionally a time for introspection and heeding the calls to repentance. After a year where it’s never been easier to feel powerless and drained by everything going on around us, I think it’s worth taking the time to examine what kind of work we are capable of in our own lives. Maybe it’s fixing the very recent and tangible hurts we’ve left behind, like Harry. Maybe it’s the little changes for the better that we make every day, motivated by our sense of responsibility, like Eliot. And maybe it’s the grueling challenge of major social change, like Hardison. And if any of this work gets too much, who can we fall back on for support and healing? Determining what needs repair, working on our own scale and where our efforts are most helpful, and thereby contributing to justice in realistic ways means that we can start the new year fresh, having contemplated in holiday fashion how we can be better agents in the world.

Shana tovah u’metukah and ketivah tovah to all (7), and may the work we do in the coming year be for good!

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(1) Disclaimer: everybody’s fandom experiences are different, and this is just what I’ve picked up on in my short time watching and enjoying this show with others.

(2) See, for example, the introduction and first chapter of Boyarin’s book Unheroic Conduct: The Rise of Heterosexuality and the Invention of the Jewish Man (I especially recommend at least this portion if you are interested in queer theory and Judaic studies). There he explores the development of Jewish masculinity in direct opposition to Christian masculine standards.

(3) I might even go so far as to place Hardison well within the Jewish masculine ideal of Edelkayt, gentle and studious nobility (although I would hesitate to call him timid, another trait associated with Edelkayt). Boyarin explains that this scholarly, non-athletic model of man did not carry negative associations in the historical Jewish mindset, but was rather the height of attractiveness (Boyarin, 2, 51).

(4) Jews of color make up 20% of American Jews, according to statistics from Be’chol Lashon, and this number is projected to increase as American demographics continue to change: https://globaljews.org/about/mission/. 

(5) Tzedakah is commonly known as righteous charity. According to traditional authority Maimonides, it should be given anonymously and without embarrassment to the person in need, generous, and designed to help the recipient become self-sufficient.

(6) Rabbi Tarfon, Pirkei Avot, 2:16

(7) “A good and sweet year” and “a good inscription [in the Book of Life]”

[luneair]

I think a lot of the “bigger” planets in the 6th can really wreak havoc on how you perceive what it means to be “healthy” (mentally, emotionally, physically..) and what it means to “grow” and develop your personal sense of giving/selflessness..but also can really bring out the importance of what is essential in everyday life

jupiter, despite traditionally being regarded as a benefic, the fact that it simply has “exaggerated” effects due to its expansive nature causes a distortion in perception of the given house. in this case health, selflessness and what it means to self improve. Jupiter literally swells here esp when afflicted! It’s really a seesaw of giving too much and not giving enough, and being too stuck in physical concepts which causes struggles surrounding indulgence and lack of effort when it comes to growing. just because this is an earthy house does not mean it is restricted to material issues, it has spirit..virgo’s house is dual and mutable and wills that you work your mind as hard as your body and jupiter, a planet well versed in the idea of spirituality, can really make this area of life into a temple, a journey; these ppl can find pockets of growth in the smallest of everyday things and make it feel big and worthy. Joy comes through being responsible of themselves, giving, and centering their personal philosophy around simplicity.. “less is more”

saturn causes a severe sense of self discipline regarding these matters as well as breaking the ego and sense of “me and mine”, almost to a point of pressure, where Jupiter expands into overwhelming limitlessness, saturn encloses into a feeling of being limited.. saturn here can have the infamous voice of judgement esp in virgos house regarding their worth and basing their worth on how useful they are as a tool rather than a person. They crave stabilization and structure but can often avoid doing the work necessary to achieve such goals, out of fear, insecurity or even lack of self-control. They can ultimately neglect themselves and consider growing to equal hardening or being colder but really the greatest lesson here which is befitting of saturn is to humble themselves, things won’t be as tense as they feel nor would they fear the weight of responsibility and maturing when they realize the greatest wisdom and life lessons can come from life’s simplicity’s and well, not taking themselves too seriously

uranus, neptune, pluto really struggle in this house immensely because such “otherworldly” and complex forces resting in the most (seemingly)mundane residence can cause an unfounded sense of being held down in a world they are not accustomed to so it’s difficult to achieve that sense of adjustment and sense of giving on this grand scale they want to give at. or rather, can feel drowned and overloaded in unexplained urges to Do something of the sort, and to have to hone in or scale it down to doable and realistic measures, like figuratively coming to terms with the hardship of being human and the boundaries that comes with...however, the most inclined to turn this area of life into something that really feels more magical because of healing and transformative capabilities as well as unique ways of thinking and going about achieving growth.

with uranus in the home of analytical thought, logical reasoning feels wrong when it’s basic and unchallenging and there’s the desire for constant change through implementing their ideas of what life should be like: always stimulating, different somehow. this causes an inner restlessness and the idea of “constant change” is the stabilization they want so they can often go for work or situations that enable them to move freely while still being able to use their universally centered ideals, and uranus can do good work here in the 6th with its bright ideas but there comes a point where they can stretch themselves too thin because uranus here unsettles the nerves, when dedicated to a cause they need to ask themselves if this is what they need, how will this help them grow and help others ? rather than what they impulsively want in the moment, or for the sake of haste and going rouge in finding or following a purpose, uranus in the 6th needs to learn how to be obedient or cohesive anyway when it comes to the idea of togetherness/working with others. this is after all, what they stand for but have a hard time getting into the rhythm of things that they don’t control.

When it comes to control neptune in the 6th feels like they have none of it nor do they want such a responsibility. Neptune gets lost here and these types tend to show it; severely unfocused, misdirected energy, inconsistent and too hypersensitive to their surrounding environments (and ppl) to feel any sense of structure. Whereas Uranus struggles with being too separate from ppl and need to incorporate themselves with “the flow” Neptune in the 6th gets lost in the flow and often needs places where they work alone or with limited amount of ppl. They’re content with not being a leader, but they aren’t followers. Theyre more of helpers and drifters. Much like any planet in the 6th (esp outer planets) they need to find a life purpose to pour themselves into or work towards, even if it’s typically something they’d rather hide away from. But such a planet -of sacrifice and compassion-in such a house -of selflessness, good solid work and service- it needs to be “exercised” in this way. It can really depend on the condition of Neptune, but it’s a planet that does best in the “unseen” world, whether in a physical way such as working in the hidden structures of the world that no one thinks much about like hospitals or group care homes or figuratively working, challenging, growing and stimulating the emotions in related settings. neptune in the 6th tempts a person into the ease of being fog-minded and not feeling too much in response to their environment as to avoid a feeling of being overwhelmed but this is not the way of virgo and her domain, the analyzer, forcing neptune into a state they are awfully unfamiliar with: clarity.

Pluto resonates with working in a realm of things considered “hush hush” and you may find them as seemingly background helpers that are actually controlling from the shadows. Other times they prefer to be alone when it comes to work and discovering their own sense of purpose in their life, and sometimes they do have to be alone for awhile because like saturn or neptune, the ego needs to be subdued and it is a torturous crisis realizing they find a better sense of themselves when they find causes that allow them to use the healing powers they don’t realize they have. Each house and planet has a lesson, Pluto in the 6th demands you “surrender” to cleansing the mind of ulterior motives. Do you give expecting gain? Do you feel safer being in control? Pluto in the 6th fears anything too difficult and chaotic even though it’s in its nature to be intense and complex. These ppl can then become puppets to their own fears regarding health and development, they can think in having so much control over themselves (and possibly others involved in their daily life and work) they’ll remain on top and free of harm but Pluto obsesses and the virgoan nature is anxious and overanalyzing..any hint of not being in control, even towards things out of their hands such as health issues (of mind or body..) sends them into an episode of quiet catastrophic distress and they return to a cycle of centering themselves or selfish motive over making use of the emotional powers. They can be healers to themselves and others if they “let the chips fall where they may”

[practicalmagicintuitions]

HC personality true vs public image

DISCLAIMER: If you will send me an Anon, I will answer the same tone as your ask, opinion is written.

All information and statements made in this reading or any other post of mine are all alleged until proven to be fact and for entertainment purposes & usage only. All information stated is based on my intuition and my tarot cards. Opinion only. The readings have no intention to cause any harm to the individuals, people featured in it.

Him - King of Wands rx. This is the centre of the spread.

This king in reversed is hot-tempered, jealous, impulsive. Could be a bully or a tyrant. Proud, arrogant, dominating. Could be unreliable, have low self-esteem.

He is the Emperor who has no clothes on. ( remember that, it will be important later). He is the king who wants to make a good impression, but only on the important people. The upright king uses his energy, his temper to make peace, to be a leader. The rx king is destruction, making fights. He pretends to be a leader, but he is weak and likes to follow more than lead. This card represents someone who has magnetism, who is the ladies man but because it’s rx, he doesn’t use this affection honestly. This is the king who can lose support because of his behaviour. He let his ego and pride rule him. 

I drew an Oracle card from the Artur Rackham oracle ( btw this deck works like magic to me!) and I got the Quackery - Professional Incompetence card. I will link a detailed article about quackery, but this basically means someone is a fraud. Someone who doesn’t have the knowledge to sell something, or work in a certain field but he does, no matter what. This and the KofWrx together shows me is truly selling an image that is far from his true self. 

His mind

9 of Swords Rx vs Ace of Swords

He definitely has a tendency to see things darker or badly. Probably he already went true the worst phase but he is still in a bad place mentally. I don’t want to use overly dramatic words, but this card is not just the “ oh, I have a bad mood… I will eat a little chocolate” card. This is a deep, hard state. Could mean, sleeping problems, nightmares, a joyless state, deep unhappiness. He is overwhelmed mentally right now. This card means he probably has a cynical view of life and some past problems still haunting him. 

What he wants to show the public that he is full of new ideas. Like he is someone who is communicating clearly, he uses his head and his emotions don’t run over. This also means someone is very assertive, likes to write. He wants to be seen as someone who is honest and only focuses on the important things. Who has very developed verbal skills. 

His actions

The Hierophant rx vs The Knight of Swords. 

Here we have some interesting thing.

Hierophant rx is someone who is doing things differently than the so-called norm. Who is rebellious and do not like traditions. It also means he does things which are shakes up his life.

This card means someone doesn’t want to marry or don’t respect marriage as an institution. Someone who thinks this is social pressure on him. It means an unconventional, untraditional way of love or someone who doesn’t really want a serious relationship. More like a serial dater. It also could mean he is trying to force himself to fit better in society.

It also could mean he lacks spirituality or doesn’t follow traditional religions. It’s also someone, who wants to dominate your mind instead of teaching you (upright)

The KnofSw is your typical knight in shining armour. This is the knight who lives by the rules, the code of the knights. He is ready to protect. He wants to show he holds himself to a higher stander than the others, who is proud. Who has discipline and wants to live his life by it. He is someone who is not influenced by his past. He attacks in order to defend. I also think he is very much in a defensive mode to protect this image from his real actions. ( if you put the two cards side by side the knight is attacking the Hierophant). 

His feelings

Page of Wands vs The Emperor

A page is very young and because the wand is fire, he is very energetic. He is someone who is exhausting to deal with. He can be very passionate very quickly and be bored at the same speed. He is a little bit mischievous, a little trickster. He has this burning desire, a sexual one without deeper emotions. Because he is young he hasn’t learned yet that the fire is not a toy. So he will burn himself. This card and the Hierophant rx together shows someone who absolutely does not want to commit himself.  

On the other hand, he wants to shows himself as an emotionally mature person. The Emperor is a father figure, who provides, who protects. Very masculine, responsible. This is the man who works for his family and makes sure he build a proper foundation. He is practical and dominating.  He also seems a little bit cold, so I think he is very cautious not to show too much emotion. Do you remember what I said at the very beginning? That the KofWRx is a “ the emperor has no clothes on” card. This card, the Hierophant rx and the PofW together not the best look for someone who allegedly wants a family. There is no family card, there is no love card. Not even in the public image collum. I truly think he does not want a family or not yet. Or he truly feels it is pressure on him.

His resources

The Star rx vs The Sun

The Star rx it’s a lost faith. That you have something but you are denied to use it. The resource is not only money but time, talent, affection etc. I think he thinks he is not good enough, for example, has no talent for certain roles. It also could mean he is uninspired and doesn’t care. This on an emotional level can mean he thinks he will never meet his soulmate or the right person. It also means your ideas or self ( as a resource) falsely depends on status and money.  Also, this could mean he is literally unable to see himself as a true star. And I know it seems silly because he could be arrogant, he has low self-esteem too. Those basically in the KofWrx card. Too proud but has low self-esteem. 

Healthwise it means he is anxious and pessimistic because of his physical condition. 

The Sun however is the shiny, positive, yes card. It is the absolute positivity card. This is how he wants to projects his options to us. He wants us to believe he is full of roles and jobs, and overall has a very positive, healthy look at life. He doesn’t really touch seriously deep topics and even if he does...every time those have some glossy, positive (almost false) shine. It’s the “I know of the meaning of the life” attitude. (Tarot could have a very literal or not abstract meaning, so if you do a health reading and you got the Sun card it very much can mean you lack Vitamin D, that was just a little fun fact).

So he has this never fading, overly positive tone always because somehow failure is not part of his public image. And you can find this everywhere. Love, family, opportunities, health etc. It’s almost like he doesn’t want us to be worried or see him as a human with darker, not so healthy periods. 

I don’t think this reading revealed so my brand new information, but I think it was interesting and maybe for some people it was an affirmation, that you always saw him like this. 

EDIT:

The link, I forgot to post, but I talked about.