#lmao clickbait tag

[fukia]

commander 🥵🥵

The reason wander over yonder was canceled is actually because peepers was already fully booked to star in various k-otome games

Commander peek-a-bangs

[lucindasthighs]

I feel so bad for Michi in Emerald Secret. Remembering that she was NEVER FREED FROM HER FOREVER POTION makes me want to throttle someone.

She never asked to be drugged and manipulated; she just wanted to be her usual petty self. Everyone in-universe and out went "ugh, typical michi 🙄" as if she wasn't literally controlled.

And that fact that "aarmau-threatening meifwa" was replaced by Kai, who really did nothing wrong before, makes me think Jess KNEW she couldn't bring Michi back without addressing what the fuck happened, and she didn't want to. Like, is she just wandering around, still convinced that Ein is her brother? When she already has one??

Please please please someone tell me I'm stupid and just forgetting when she got freed because I'm gonna cry.

[peeballz69]

FIRST POST WOOOO

The character on the right is my oc/self insert PopUp! They’re silly and are essentially Joker’s sibling and he knows everything about everyone in gotham cuz he hacked PopUp ads into place on basically every website imaginable and the ads are basically information grabbers, and if you see one (they have either a doodle of himself or their snake on it) that means your information and search history has already been sent to him and you can’t do anything about it lol!! Then they use it as blackmail or trade material to get people to do what he wants, and he keeps it all in a briefcase.

I’m the picture him and Joker are having a sleepover and decide to call Batman and bully him about his recent search history

[this-is-krikkit]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Hange Zoë Characters: Levi Ackerman, Hange Zoë Additional Tags: They/Them Pronouns for Hange Zoë, Minor Character Death, Levi Ackerman Needs a Hug, Hange Zoe Volunteers As Tribute, Title May Be Misleading, no beta we die like ewin, rated T because of that title alone Summary:

After the first Female Titan encounter and subsequent fiasco, Hange tries to help Levi through the grief.

[crows-of-buckets]

Oh god just remembered I have to actually NAME selene's Merc group is so fucking joever... That's at least four characters rn <//3 probably five cause I feel like I need another character in it to balance the group dynamic. Cause rn there's Vashoth (only one with a name) "Anklebiter" (nickname my friend gave the anxious elf) Dad guy and his daughter, and then the angsty looking mage guy (whos actually a sweetheart) and with Selene that is a mercenary group of five (since the daughter doesnt fight she just makes the bombs for her dad lmao. he's an artificer who can't craft for shit but wants to support his daughters hobbies. His daughters hobbies just so happen to be making bombs and traps), and idk I feel like it needs to be six, but as of right now I dont have an idea for a final member. Like I have a vague idea for a great sword user since that would be the only class missing from the groups (Vashoth is a dual wielding rogue, Anklebiter is sword and shield, dad guy is archer, Selene and mage guy are. Well you won't believe this but they're mages lmao) so that makes two handed the only one I don't have. However like. I don't have any ideas for a backstory? Maybe I'll think of one once I start drawing idk

[jsuika]

Okay listen, whenever it comes to asking questions, I really am NOT looking for any commissions yet nor do I accept any clickbaits in my inbox. PLEASE, this is for asking questions not rarely an emergency or anything related no, I do NOT offer commissions until I have my own savings account for GOOD goddamnit. 😭

If you or yourself are shy, I will understand and I'm still here if anyone is curious about my OCs or anything with my artstyle. Literally you can ask me anytime no matter what! I just wanted some questioners, not just "I like to keep clickbaits as a secret 😈". I swear, even if I'm still not yet commissioning others and/or don't have my own currency, I'm not eventually that much SAFE from any other bot scammers that always BAIT everywhere to convince and attract them.

Literally that's the thing that I am always desperate about but whatever your opinions are on this, please don't attack me for this self-reasoning. All I wanted to do was to post one of my artworks and also fanarts too HOWEVER, yes almost some here want to commission me to draw for them. I'm okay with art trade it's just that I don't accept art request at all sadly :( this was the time that I had to stop doing it. Reason was that it could be against the art rules and probably might depend on the others.

[tofixtheshadows]

I should've made this in the first place to go as a reference to my post about Kabru rarely being shown eating (and when he does it, it isn't pleasurable) and linked it somewhere. I didn't feel like I needed to go through every example and based on people's tags I do think everyone gets it ... but I'm compiling this anyway because I find it really interesting from an artistic/writerly standpoint.

Like, Kabru obviously is eating meals in the abstract sense. But as I said, Kui almost never actually draws him putting food in his mouth. At first I assumed that she was avoiding it to save on space because he needs to be shown talking instead, but as I've looked back, I've noted that she doesn't usually shy away from giving characters speech bubbles even when they're chewing or they have utensils in their mouths. Unless they're Kabru.

This would realistically be the best time to actually show him eating, since it's a normal meal at a normal restaurant, but no. He doesn't actually put food in his mouth in this entire scene. They show him taking a bite in the anime, so I almost forgot, but honestly the manga just makes it look like he's picking at his food. Again: I'm sure he does eat this meal. My point is that I think it's a deliberate choice to keep that off-page, to contrast all the other characters who get to both visibly eat food and enjoy it.

As mentioned, Kabru is only shown drinking wine while his party eats the snacks in chapter 32. I think it's possible to infer that he doesn't actually eat any food here at all.

The harpy egg omelette bit barely counts as eating lmao we all saw him struggling to even swallow a bite down. Let's move on.

Quick sidebar:

Are we all going insane over this panel or is it just me? Okay continue.

Like with the omelette, it gets a checkmark for actually going into his mouth but no checkmark for enjoyment. He hates this. He's being spoon fed bad cake and patronized.

Next:

Literally the worst meal in Dungeon Meshi lmao.

Barometz:

He does actually eat this. Rare Kabru mastication panel, not clickbait. But it's kind of a sad moment when you remember that he was looking forward to a cultural dish of his mother's- literal comfort food from his childhood- and instead got the weird godless crab-meat-plant that is the barometz. This may be the only time Kabru goes looking for comfort, and he's pointedly denied it.

Next:

Yeah he isn't drawn eating during this entire scene either. Only drawn holding the food and his utensil.

As stated: still never shown eating. Deliberately shown getting Mithrun to eat instead. Kabru, the call is coming from inside the goddamn house.

Bavarois is next, and once again it gets a checkmark for actual on-page chewing but as we see, he still hates it and has to concentrate very hard and block out all thoughts of what he's doing in order to swallow it down without making a scene.

Okay. Faligon feast. Kabru does canonically spend days eating for the sake of Laios and Falin! Yay! Caloric fucking intake! Clean plate club!

And yet.

Literally shown stopping himself before he can put the food in his mouth.

Mickbell is so real for this. No one needed to hear a lecture from Senshi more than Kabru.

Anyway. Given how surgically precise Kui is with everything else in this story, I just feel the choice to constantly show Kabru focusing on his worries during mealtimes, instead of drawing him just enjoying food, was purposeful.

[reds-skull]

Fanfic Recommendations: Writers

I thought of making this kind of list for a while now, since in my notes I save writers when I like most/all their fics (instead of saving each work individually)

This list is going to be very long, I'm gonna try to add to each writer a little description of the type of work they usually write.

Should leave this as a disclaimer for all my fic rec posts, but always look at the tags and CW on each fic before reading!

As always, if a link doesn't work, you're welcome to reach out!

[This list will include both SFW and NSFW writers, since a lot of them do both]

thirteenbullets - Writer of Anytime You Need Me, basically the ultimate hurt/comfort series. [fun fact, part 6 was the first fic I read in this fandom, and I partially blame how good it was for how fast I got obsessed with cod lol]

mothbeast - Writer of Pattern Breaker, one of the more well known fics for ghostsoap (for a good reason!). Love their other fics as well [some are NSFW]

glaciers (Hayfever_Street) - Non AU fics, where they put ghost and soap and various situations for angst! [some NSFW]

Red_Clegane - non AU and AU fics, some of the best non-military AUs I've read. All of their fics share a similar taste, but they're all equally good, so if you like that style you'll enjoy most of them [some NSFW]

sauceboss_yahoo - AUs with supernatural elements, and non-military AUs. Some a/b/o if that's your style [which obviously means there's some NSFW]

yourvaliants - AO3 account of valiants on Tumblr, I'll expand more when I get to Tumblr users, but this is just their place to post NSFW comics since Tumblr doesn't allow that.

wayfaredsoldier - non-military AUs, AUs with supernatural elements, and in canon universe [some NSFW]

MildLimerence - If you want smut with good plot, this is the writer for you haha. They have several soulmate AUs and fantasy/supernatural AUs, as well as canon universe [mostly NSFW]

Arodana - supernatural AUs and non-military AUs, very enjoyable long works [some NSFW]

crown_twist - a mix of NSFW and hurt/comfort oneshots, if you're in the mood for something short and good this is the writer for you [some NSFW]

ElizaStyx - mostly oneshots for a variety of pairings, a mix of NSFW and fluff [some NSFW]

Sillililli - Canon and non-military AUs, with just a pinch of NSFW [little NSFW]

Louffox - Canon and non-military AUs, a lot of angst and hurt/comfort. A few longer works and a good amount of oneshots [some NSFW]

kcisbroken [previously artbykc0001] - Historical AUs, sometimes MCD, some non AU oneshots and NSFW [some NSFW]

Hochseeperle - non AUs, angst and hurt/comfort, with NSFW [some NSFW]

eggtimelads - Supernatural AUs, non AUs, oneshots that literally changed my brain chemistry (not clickbait) [some NSFW]

blackbird_flyaway - supernatural and non AUs, recently started a zombie AU (that I just discovered and go read it after finishing this lmao) [Some NSFW]

TheLastTheosaurus - hurt/comfort oneshots. Good ol' reliable [no NSFW]

Nuria123 - absolutely amazing non AU, non-military AUs, and fics so emotional they made me full on sob. A mix of oneshots and longer works [some NSFW]

AvaLoren - non-military, non AU, and a little bit of fantasy, and medieval AUs, mostly oneshots with some longer fics [some NSFW]

WhisperedWords12 - non-military, non AU, and a little bit of fun shifter AU, many oneshots that are mostly NSFW [a lot of NSFW]

Wheezing_Joe - non AU, oneshots with some onehsot series, hurt/comfort and angst galore. Very nice stuff [no NSFW]

coderaven - non-military AUs and non AUs, emotional hurt/comfort, a little supernatural AUs [some NSFW]

oh_ellie - non AUs, hurt/comfort, and a whole lot of smut [mostly NSFW]

headlocket - author of all that's said in the low light. I don't need to say anything else, if you didn't read it yet, you really REALLY should! [little NSFW]

Grangers_apprentice - [note: majority of works locked for users with no AO3 accounts] non-AU, supernatural AUs, some oneshots and some longer works with series. A bit of a/b/o if that's your style [some NSFW]

DarkMoonMaiden - non AU, hurt/comfort and smut. Mostly oneshot, some series [mostly NSFW]

merikai - non AU and non-military AUs, hurt/comfort and angst oneshots [no NSFW]

simcoehole - supernatural but military and non AUs, mostly smut [mostly NSFW]

Epifauna - non AU oneshots, a lot of fluff with some angst [little NSFW]

prettyunhinged - non AU oneshots (some as long as multi chapter works though), angst, fluff and smut [some NSFW]

oshikiri_toru - non-military and non AUs, with some supernatural elements. Very long oneshots with angst and smut. Very underrated writer imo! [some NSFW]

xEclipse - non AU, fluff and smut oneshots that can get very sweet [some NSFW]

unravelledorfrayed - non AU, misunderstanding hurt/comfort (the good kind) [no NSFW]

lkst - very unique AUs, as well as non AUs. A bit of smut and a lot of angst [little NSFW]

now, there are some blogs here that write a lot of little drabbles that are always a treat to read, so I'm also gonna add some of them.

cod-dump - mostly non AU, with the exception of the Teen!Ghost AU.

forestshadow-wolf - AU and non-AU, also has many downloaded fics for you to read (they're a lifesaver when AO3 is down)

valiants - as mentioned above, comic artist and occasional writer, honestly a huge inspiration for me, it terms of storytelling and art style.

ghcstao3 - also has an AO3, wanted to put them here because they post a lot of drabbles here that don't get posted on AO3.

captain-mj - also has an AO3, like ghcst posts a lot of fics here that don't get posted on AO3. Many are NSFW, as a heads-up.

That's all for now, in the future if I make fic recs for longer works, you will probably see some from these writers.

[wdapteo]

hello phannie nation today I want to ask a very important question.

and to explain the options, although Phil regularly uses ridiculous "clickbait" titles, I picked the ones that actually had an effect on us (or have higher view numbers, which means the clickbait worked lmao)

[intern-seraph]

mercy, mercy

You await judgement for unknowingly violating the human-fae treaty. The punishment is typically death, but the ever-so-kind General Vanrouge has an alternative proposal. (AKA, "I told my fae boyfriend that thinking about him behaving more like he did as a General is hot and we turned it into a scene??? (Not clickbait) (Gone sexual)")

i need lilia vanrouge to rail me into the bed (he is 3 inches shorter than me) anyways writing out the tags for this was kinda wild lmao please enjoy

originally posted on ao3

cws: BDSM scene, sexual roleplay, dom/sub dynamic, hard dom lilia, elements of consensual non-consent, sensory deprivation (sight), safeword usage, whipping, riding crops, collaring+leashes, degradation, vaginal fingering, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, spanking, orgasm control, forced orgasm, crying, rough oral sex, blowjobs, deepthroating, rough sex, vaginal sex, creampie, choking, aftercare, safe sane consensual, fem!reader

At this point, you’ve lost track of time. The room is so dark, not a single light turned on; even the windows are covered. You’re shaking when the door finally opens. You wince away from the narrow beam of light that slips through the cracked doorway. It’s quickly blocked, however, by a familiar and terrifying shadow. Your throat tightens, but despite the fear that shoots down your spine, you throw yourself on the floor before your captor.

“Please, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean t-to trespass. I swear, General, i-if I knew that I was going to pass through fae lands I —”

The door slams shut. You jolt and curl into yourself, whimpering. A boot presses down on your back, keeping you prostrate before the General. You can feel it as he stares down his nose at you. “Silence.” Your jaw clacks shut. “Intent means nothing. You are a trespasser, and therefore have broken the treaty between our people. Such a crime could be punished with death.”

Another whimper. Despite his command, you whisper, “Please, spare me. I beg of you.”

The pressure on your back increases. You cry out, shaking against the tread of his boot. “I told you to be silent. Do not make me repeat myself again, human. Now, while the punishment for your crime would typically be death, I have leave to do with you what I please.” The boot on your back vanishes. Before you can react, his fingers tangle in your hair and pull you to sit up on your shins. The General’s glowing ruby eyes rake down your body. “I think I know what will please me. It’s been so long since I last had a warm, soft body to keep me company.”

He doesn’t have to elaborate. Your breath hitches in your chest, eyes widening. On instinct, you press your thighs together. “Y-you want…”

“I want you, little human. It’s a far better fate than the alternative, I assure you. A warm bed, good food, fine clothing… and all I ask in return is your body.”

“A pet.”

“A crude way of saying it.”

“But I’m right.”

He yanks your hair, prying out a yelp of pain. “Your freedom or your life, human.”

It’s not much of a choice. You lower your gaze, take your bottom lip between your teeth. “Alright.”

The hand in your hair relents. He laughs lowly, his cruel grip turning into affectionate petting. You lean into his touch without thinking, grateful for the warmth. “Good human. You’ll train up nicely, I think.” Without a word, his hand leaves you. You collapse without his support. The General paces around you, paying no mind to your prone body. Behind you, you hear him rifle through something. He appears at your back in a few strides and slips one hand around your throat. It’s not enough to restrict your breathing, but it still makes you tense up. Gently, he coaxes you to sit back on your heels. A strip of soft leather meets your skin, and you breathe out a shaky sigh as he fastens a collar around your neck. “We’ll start right away.”

He tugs on the lead. You follow the pull, scrambling to your feet. “S-start what?” you ask.

The General laughs. Suddenly, he shoves you face-first onto a soft, springy surface. “Your training, of course. Starting with a punishment for your misbehavior.” He hums as his fingers begin to unlace your blouse from behind to reveal your skin to the chilly air. Your pants go the same way, leaving you in your lacy underthings. He pauses, and you feel the way he drinks in the sight of your pretty underwear before you’re stripped of that, too. A calloused finger trails down your spine. You shiver and press your face into the sheets. “So reactive, how darling! Now, I believe we’ll start with twenty-five lashes.”

“Twenty-five?”

“Mm. One for each year that the treaty you violated has been in place. That seems fair to me. What, do you have any objections?”

You remember the feeling of his boot on your back. Quietly, you respond, “No.”

“No…?”

“No, sir.”

“Good.” He fiddles with something, then the worn length of a leather whip slides along your bare skin. Again, you startle, and he snickers at you. “I’ll keep count. Stay still, will you?”

“Yes, sir.”

There’s no further warning for his first strike. The whip cracks against your back. Again and again, each strike paints a searing line of pain across the bared skin. You grip the bed sheets hard enough for your knuckles to pale, squeezing your eyes shut and biting back the tears. You don’t know when the pain progressed from arousing to just painful, but the moment you realize, you wet your lips and gasp out, “Yellow!”

Immediately, Lilia stops. The soft thump of the whip hitting the floor is followed shortly by the bed dipping. He gathers you up in his arms, checking you over with a worried frown. “Are you alright, darling? Did I go too far?”

You sniffle, burrowing your face in his chest. “No more whipping.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. Do you want me to switch to something else or should we move to another kind of play?”

“The crop. But not too much more or I won’t be able to lie on my back.”

“Alright. I’ll fetch it; will you be alright if I leave for a moment?”

“Mhm.” You crane your neck and kiss his cheek before he pulls away. He chuckles, kissing your temple in response. It doesn’t take long for him to return. There’s a faint crinkling sound, then smooth plastic touches your lips.

“I brought some water, too. Drink up!”

Smiling, you take the water bottle and take a few sips, clearing your throat as you hand the bottle back. “Thanks.” You roll your shoulders a little, then roll back onto your stomach like before. “Green.”

Lilia hums, and you resist the urge to look back at him. Then, something whishes through the air, and the crop strikes your ass. You yelp, jolting. He snickers, stroking the impact mark with the tip of the crop. “Ah, humans make such adorable noises. Make more of them for me, pet.”

Another strike. Another yelp. You hiss and press your face into the sheets, sticking your ass up higher without thinking. Three. Four. There’s a pause. You hold your breath and brace yourself.

“That was twenty-five, pet,” says the General. The tension leaves your body, and you go limp. A gloved hand strokes your back, the touch soothing the hot, angry lines criss-crossing your skin. “Tell me, have you learned your lesson?”

You mumble something into the sheets. He tugs on your leash, pulling your upper body off of the bed and forcing your back into an arch as you instinctively escape the choking sensation.

“What was that? I didn’t quite catch it.” His voice drips with saccharine kindness slathered atop a mound of derision. “Use your words.”

“Yes, sir!” you wheeze. “I — hah! — I’ve learned my lesson!”

He lets the leash slacken. You fall forward onto your palms, wheezing quietly. The General slips his calloused fingers beneath your collar to stroke the nape of your neck. “Remember: do not make me repeat myself.”

“I’m sorry, sir.”

Rather than respond, his presence vanishes entirely. You tense up in anticipation. He doesn’t leave you waiting for long. He presses two fingers through your folds, making you jolt. A laugh shakes the air around you as he gathers the slickness that’s built up between your thighs. “Already excited, pet? You know, the whipping was supposed to be a punishment. Yet here you are, dripping everywhere and dirtying my fingers. Is my pet truly that depraved?” Your head drops with shame. Again, the General laughs. His clothed body drapes heavily over yours, erection pressing into the small of your back. He pushes his fingers into your hole and gives a few experimental pumps. When you moan, he shoves them deeper. His other hand flies up to grip your jaw. He wrangles your mouth open with his thumb and presses down on your tongue. You can’t stop your pleasured noises as he pumps his fingers in and out of your cunt.

Your hips jerk sporadically as your body chases his touch. He snickers, thrusting his fingers faster and faster while you wriggle beneath him. “Keehehe… does that feel good?” Squeezing your eyes shut, you nod as best as you can with his hand still keeping your head in place. Fangs and a warm tongue on the nape of your neck are your reward; he teases your skin with little nips and kitten licks that make you shiver and jolt. The General pauses his fingerfucking, then blows a puff of air against your damp skin. You squeak, bucking your hips without thinking. “Think only of this, of the pleasure I bring you, because this is your life now, pet. Your place is beneath me, writhing and squealing while I have my fill of you. You don’t need anything else in that pretty little head of yours.”

Desperate for friction, you start to roll your hips against his palm. He lets you hump his hand for some time, cooing patronizingly even as he indulges you by twisting his hand to rub your clit with his thumb. The fingers in your mouth delve deeper and make you gag — your cunt spasms around the fingers of his other hand and forces out a strangled moan. Finally, he deems you worthy of his effort again and begins pumping his fingers in and out of you once again. You whine out your gratitude, tears pricking your eyes.

“Come for me.”

You obey without a second thought. The General frees your mouth as you convulse beneath him, gripping the sheets so tightly that you fear you’ll tear them. He draws out your pleasure to the point where you beg for mercy. When you try to shake him off, he snarls.

The air whistles with the speed and force of his palm against your ass. You shriek. He grabs your leash at the very base and yanks it back. “I’ve not had my fill yet. Weren’t you listening? We stop when I say so.” His fingerfucking becomes more intense, and despite the pain you can’t help but moan. “See? You’ll come to love it more and more.”

“Sir,” you sob. “Please, sir. Hurts. I’ll do anything else, just please —”

Suddenly, his weight leaves you entirely. You collapse, half-kneeling as your upper body slumps onto the bed. Beneath your head, the fabric quickly dampens with tears. Beside you, the mattress dips. You lift your gaze, meeting the General’s blown-out pupils. By now, your eyes have more or less adjusted to the room’s pitch darkness, and you can just barely make out the silhouette that bears those glowing eyes. They shimmer with equal measures lust and disdain. That is the man you’ve sold yourself to. A tug on your leash shatters your thoughts. “I suppose I’ll have mercy on you for now, since you’ve not been properly broken in yet. Come closer and open your mouth. I’ll use that hole until the other is less sensitive.”

“Thank you, sir,” you rasp out. You shuffle to him on your knees, settling between his legs. A few buttons pop before his fingers curl into your hair, carefully guiding your head to his crotch. The General caresses your cheek as you lean in. You flinch as he taps his cockhead against your parted lips, but take a deep, shaky breath and flick your tongue out. His skin is smooth and soft, with little taste other than a distinct saltiness that makes your face scrunch up. Above you, he groans. His nails scrape your scalp. You continue with little kitten licks, your hands rising up to grip his thighs as you start to move down his shaft.

“That’s it, just like that… mmm, such a good human. Your tongue is so warm…” He lets out a deep, guttural noise as you reach up to cradle his balls in one hand. “Yesss… hah… lift your head and open wide so I can fuck your mouth, now. Don’t stop that hand of yours.”

You obey easily. He guides you to envelop a few inches of his shaft in your mouth, your tongue pulsing against the salty skin. He pushes your head down further. At the same time, his hips surge up, and you gag when his cockhead hits the back of your mouth. Tears spill down your cheeks as he starts a steady pace. It’s hard to breathe, but you pull in unsteady breaths through your nose each time he pulls you up before he shoves you back down to his base. One of his hands sneaks down to your neck and feels at the front of your throat.

“Ahhh, I can feel it. Right here.” He holds your head down and presses a finger against the slight bulge that’s formed. “You make such a good little cocksleeve.”

Squirming, you squeeze your eyes shut and whine around him. The General only laughs cruelly. Only when you begin to swat frantically at his thigh as you start to lose feeling in your fingers does he let you come up for air. You cough and gasp, snot and tears and drool dripping down your face. You look up at him with bleary eyes, his dark silhouette blurry along the edges. There’s a prolonged moment of silence.

Then, he leans down and murmurs, “Color?”

You lean your cheek against his thigh. It takes a few seconds for your foggy brain to formulate an answer, but you rasp out, “Green.”

For a moment, the hand in your hair gives you a gentle pet. Then, it turns hard once more and yanks you back to his cock. You let your jaw hang open, but he still presses his thumb to your bottom lip to keep your mouth open wide as he starts fucking your throat again. You grasp at the fabric of his pants, choking on your spit every time he draws back. When you glance up, you see his shadowed silhouette lounging back, holding himself up on one elbow.

“Hah… I can’t wait… a-ah… can’t wait until you’re properly trained. I’ll take you to — shit! — every function I have to attend. And the nobles will look and… and wish they had a little human whore half as perfect as mine…” Suddenly, his hands fly up to grip your head on both sides and push you down. You make a tiny noise of alarm, jerking against his steel grip on instinct. “Stay still, pet. I want to come down… your… ah —!”

You flinch, eyes going wide as his cock twitches in your throat and pulses on your tongue. Hot come fills your mouth, and even though you try to back off, he holds you in place. One hand drifts over to your face and pinches your nose. You have no choice but to swallow. Only when static starts to crackle in your ears does he let you up. You choke and cough and try to wipe away your tears even though they cover your hot cheeks.

“Good human,” coos the General. You sniffle and duck your head. He clicks his tongue and tugs your leash, forcing you to look up into his glowing eyes. “Head up, now. We’re almost done breaking you in. You should be less tender now, yes?”

Slowly, you nod. He hums in approval.

“Good. Get back on the bed. All fours.”

You open your mouth, try to speak, and cringe when you can only make a raspy noise. You swallow once, twice, then whisper, “Yes, sir.” As you clamber onto the bed, your tingling legs protest. Your face burns as you shuffle gracelessly into position, barely supported by your shaking limbs. A tug on your leash, followed shortly by the mattress dipping behind you, tells you where the General is. He’s still mostly clothed as he settles at your back. Only his hardening cock is bare, sliding wetly along the cleft of your ass.

“Now, I’m going to fuck you. Still… you should thank me, human, for letting your little hole recover.” He teases two fingers against your weeping slit. Your hips jerk.

“Th-thank you, sir.”

Without further warning, he thrusts into your cunt, filling you completely. You let out a startled moan. Falling to your elbows, you use what little leverage you have to rock back into him. He starts a rapid pace, drilling you into the bed as he curls himself over your back. His clothes rub up against the raw stripes of pain criss-crossing your skin, pulling hisses and sobs from you over and over again. It hurts so good, you can’t stop yourself from clenching around him with each pass. For his part, he’s reduced to snarling moans and grunting. He sounds like an animal in heat, and the way his claws sink into your haunches and his sharp teeth scrape over the nape of your neck only add to the impression. You barely register the fingers that creep down to rub and pinch your clit, but when they do you wail, jerking and clawing at the sheets while the General laughs in your ear.

“Do you like that? Make that noise again for me, pet.” He doesn’t let up, and you collapse as your orgasm hits you. Your body going limp doesn’t stop him from fucking you, and you start crying in earnest as he pounds your aching cunt.

“I can’t, I can’t, I can’t! Please, sir!”

“Take it,” he snarls. He reaches up and tweaks your nipple painfully, twisting and squeezing while he ignores your pleas for mercy. You're sure that you'll bruise by the morning. His stamina is almost terrifying; there's no sign that he's anywhere close to coming.

A sudden yank on your leash forces you to sit up, back arching against his chest. Your trembling hands scrabble desperately at the collar around your neck. You gasp for air, your voice strangled as you beg and moan.

You flinch when he takes one of your earlobes between his teeth. "One more. Together, this time. You can do it, can't you?"

You shake your head. Between labored breaths you exclaim, "No! I can't! Oh, god!"

"Shh, you can, you can. Be a good little human for me, now." He starts massaging your clit beneath his fingers, pulling yelps from you. With every forceful thrust, your pussy spasms around his shaft. He groans into the crook of your neck, his fingers working you harder and harder while you struggle against the collar. A guttural growl is your only warning before his hips connect with yours one last time with a wet slap. Heat fills you, overflowing to the point where it leaks out onto your thighs. Even though you feel you can't possibly give the General another orgasm, he rubs you furiously and bites into your shoulder. You tremble in his arms. Somehow, you manage one last weak orgasm. All you do is whimper.

He holds you in place for a minute longer as you both catch your breaths. All at once, the leash goes slack. You fall forward, panting and sniffling softly. Behind you, you feel Lilia shuffle around on the mattress before the collar around your neck is removed. He strokes along your spine with gentle fingers.

"Are you still with me, darling?" he asks, voice breaking through the fog in your brain. You roll onto your back. The sheets immediately irritate the marks left by his whip earlier, and you hiss at the sting. Lilia makes a small, worried noise. He glances off to the side, then snaps his fingers. The bedside lamp flickers on, casting the room in a dim yellow glow. "Oh dear. Let's get something to soothe your skin. I'm going to be right back, is that alright?"

You nod. He helps you shift back onto your stomach, zips himself up, and hurries out of the bedroom. You’re not sure if you fall asleep for a few minutes or if he’s just that fast, but the next thing you know, he’s back. The bed dips behind you, and you shudder with relief as he rubs aloe gel into your back. You sigh and shut your eyes, letting the cooling sensation turn you into putty in his hands. Lilia laughs as you practically purr beneath him, lashes fluttering as you fight back the urge to pass out.

“Good?”

“Mhm…”

“Now, now, don’t fall asleep on me yet! At least let me change the sheets!” He scoops you up, snickering as you grumble and squirm, and sets you down on one of the plush chairs in the corner of the bedroom. You curl up and rest your cheek on your arm to watch him strip the bed of the soiled sheets and replace them with fresh ones. You yawn. He turns to you and wags a finger in mock reprimand. “What did I just say?”

“The sheets’re changed,” you mumble. Another yawn. Grinning, Lilia rolls his eyes and trots over to carry you back to the bed. You wriggle beneath him as he takes a wipette and a washcloth to your crotch, whining and kicking lamely at him. “Can’t we just sleep, Lils?”

“Then you’ll just complain in the morning that we’re ‘all crusty and gross!’” He pinches your thigh and dodges another halfhearted kick.

He finishes cleaning you up, and you immediately squirm under the covers. You watch him change into a pair of briefs from beneath the edge of the blanket. “Maybe I wanna be crusty and gross with you.”

“Oh? Then I’ll take you on your word next time! Crusty and gross under crusty, gross blankets.” Lilia leans back, hands on the small of his back. You hear a series of pops, followed by a groan of relief. With that, he dives under the covers with you. You scoot away from him with a quiet grunt of mock disgust.

“Changed my mind.”

He guffaws at that. He wraps himself around you, rubbing his cheek against your collarbone and looking up at you with those big, affectionate ruby eyes. “You’ll break this old man’s heart if you keep talking like that, my darling.”

“Uh-huh.” You return his embrace, looping one leg around his hips as you settle in. “You seemed a lot taller earlier,” you comment.

“Mmm, I suppose I seemed a lot taller back in my prime, as well.” Lilia gives a quiet, thoughtful hum. “Are you disappointed, then?”

“No. Never. It’s just… interesting.” You run your fingers through his hair. It’s soft and flows easily through your fingers, even the parts that he’s probably bleached and dyed a hundred thousand times before. “Thank you, by the way. For indulging my weird fantasies… ah… did you like it?”

“Very, very much, dear. It made me feel young again, even!”

You laugh softly, closing your eyes. “Did you do things like that when you were younger?”

“No,” he says. You feel a puff of breath against your skin. “There was no time for such things, and my view of humans was far more… uncharitable.”

“So you wouldn’t have fucked me like that in the past. Gotcha.” You burst into giggles when he jabs his fingers into your sides. He tickles you mercilessly until you’re crying with laughter and trying to shove him away to catch your breath. Panting, you roll onto your back and swipe at your tears with one hand. You glance over at Lilia, who’s lying propped up on his side with that smug grin of his.

“Perhaps I would have if it’d shut your smart little mouth, sweetling,” he coos. “And maybe a cute human bed warmer would have done me some good. Who knows!”

“Unfortunately for you, you just have me.”

Lilia shakes his head. He reaches out and pulls you into his chest, resting his chin on the crown of your head. “Fortunately for me, I have a lovely human partner right here.” Pressing your cheek against his chest, you smile shyly. He chuckles and pets your head. “Let’s do another scene like this sometime,” he says. “Perhaps we could even make use of Diasomnia’s old dungeon.”

Your eyes go wide and you squirm in his embrace as you try to look up at him. “Wait, your dorm has a dungeon?”

He doesn’t say anything, instead grinning impishly. With the snap of his fingers, the lights go out. You wriggle more, but Lilia just holds you tighter and refuses to elaborate. “Good night, my dear! Sweet dreams!”

“Lilia!”

[samuelroukin]

limerence (i'll be your animal) Chapter 8

Chapters: 8/8 Fandom: Call of Duty (Video Games) Rating: Explicit Relationships: John "Soap" MacTavish/Simon "Ghost" Riley, John "Soap" MacTavish/Original Male Character(s) Additional Tags: Smut, Hand Jobs, Public Hand Jobs, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Minor Original Character(s), Blow Jobs, Public Blow Jobs, Face-Fucking, Anal Sex, Spit As Lube, Slurs, Intercrural Sex, Exhibitionism, Light Angst, Scent Kink, Light Dom/sub, Pining, i have lost so much sleep over this fic my god, soap's uvula clit as an anon on tumblr put it lmao, Friends With Benefits, Canon-Typical Violence, Possibly Unrequited Love, Coming In Pants, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Jealousy, uh badly written mission, idiots to lovers, and most importantly: gaz torture (real not clickbait)(but not real torture dw. or is it) Word Count (total): 40,731 Chapter Summary:

The moment passes, and Ghost speaks. “We’re clear.” Soap stands up straight and half-heartedly tries to extract his hand from Ghost’s fingers. They only tighten, and he pulls Soap along like he’s on a leash.

[bigmack2go]

(Ridiculous-)

-Things that i think the newsies would get cancelled for if it were modern era:

Crutchie

His name. He blew up in quarantine and only streamed gameplay and sat down. He only ever explained his name like,,, once or so and that was way back, the succes came slowly and so he never felt the need to explain it again. After a while some pointed out his name and i like,,, blew up! He was on the twitter trending page for a whole week! But he was only cancelled for a day or two(?) before he uploaded a video laughing tears. The mother fucker probably used it as clickbait on the preview banner pannel thingy (wtf are those called??) and in the title. I mena,,,, imagine!! “!SPEAKING UP about the recent ALLEGATIONS! (EMOTIONAL) (CW: CRYING)” and probably ant like “(real) (not fake!)(fuck clickbait)” or something. He would troll the shit out of social media for it

Ike

Probably like queerbaiting or some shit. Like he’ll go “holy shit, i’m so gay!” And people will go “I THOUGHT HE HAS A GF” and hotshot is just watching the whole thing, making fun of him for D A Y S while he’s cancled and she’s like “hOw dArE yOu bE bIsExUAl?!”

Hotshot

That exact thing i just said. Because she wasn’t including pan people, poly people and all the other sexuality’s when she was making that joke.

Race

Cheating. On Spot. (See also-> my spralbert fic) ofc he didn’t actually cheat but some people foubd and old clip of when he was still less known and didn’t know he would blow up like that and people pretend that poly people dont exist. He probably had a big thing and then he “cancelled them back” (his words not mine) or something like that.

Spot

For staying with Race even after he found out he “cheated”. People said he was only with Race for the money.

Albert

For being the person that Race “cheated” with

Jack

For saying “i wanna kiss you so bad right now” to a guy and apparently making fun of gay people with it. That shit was just like an hour or so tho at the highest.

Katherine

For her father lmao

York

Having a problematic mod. People say shit like he’s just ignoring that fact. But he legitimately just did not now. He wasn’t online for a solid two days and when he was it was to stream so he had to find out by chat, but he thought chat was joking and so one thing led to another and uh yeah. By the time hotshot called him asking why he was joking about that sort of stuff and he realised that it was true, the tag was already trending.

Romeo

Let’s be honest, the fucker prolly said something like “you’ find the right person eventually” or be like really penetrant like a Karen that refuses to acknowledge aro/ace people exist. But like for fun. Like,,, jokingly. This guy is literally aroace. It prolly went pretty much the same as for Crutchie.

Tommyboy

Cheating.(but like at a game) Come on lets be honest . This mf would have the whole dream sCaNdAl procedure and you know it. He acedentally cheated and then get death threats for it (which, just to be clear, even if dream had cheated is just— like,,, idek)

Myron

Tried to kill a pigeon once when he was like seven or something

Elmer

Being involved in a russian spying scandal or some shit. Dont even ask! The best prt is that this is the only one where the internet was being justified. Not only dod all the evidence ACTUALLY lead to him (and it wasn’t something little like cheating) butthe reason for that is that it was actually him. Now obv it wasn’t on purpose bla bla, someone put a wrong server adress or what-not idek but like,,,, it was fair for people to want to cancel him…

Buttons

Capitalism. He probably told someone they had to pay if they wanted him to make them a piece of cloth or whatever. (Obv this is exeragated. The internet is not actually that bad… mostly. And he probably did go about it a little worse and people probably didn’t actually cancel-cancel him as in like,, career threatening but yk. It was still a little ridiculous)

Davey

Defending church. He’s like “GUYS IM NOT EVEN A CHRISTIAN WTF!? Im just saying, let people believe what they wanna believe. unless that specific person uses their faith as an excuse to disrespect, discredit or discriminate you, they are not a bad person for their faith”

In case you’re wondering, this happened in the same context as-

-Jojo

Jojo told his coming-out-to-the-nuns story and how he wasn’t too scared (and some other stuff) and then people said that he was pretending the church never was problematic. (Ive never phrased a sentence to say less of what i meant than this one but im tired and i have the excuse that English isn’t my first language so gimme a break)

[anyablackwood]

Clickbait Tag Game

Very belated thanks for the tag, @aalinaaaaaa! Not covering all of my WIPs because we'll be here all day lmao.

Traveling Bards

Three Sisters Die in Embarrassing Ways, What Happens Next Will Shock You (They Kidnap the Prince?!) 😱😱😱

Asteria Heights

Serial Killer Accidentally Kills the Wrong Person 🤯🤯🤯

Crown of Blood

Local Woman Dies, Decides to Make it Everyone's Problem (NOT Clickbait)(Gone WRONG!!!) 🤯🤯🤯

Beyond the Mirror

(STORYTIME) I Became a Child Soldier?! 😱😱😱

Gently tagging: @mysticstarlightduck, @writernopal, @amaiguri

[mikkomacko]

Heyy, do you read gossip blog? What’s your opinion about Nico’s gossip?

Heyy I do not lol

I literally don’t believe anything said on those blogs. It’s all clickbait so I usually just block the accounts or filter the tags

I had a friend on here who used to send in lies just to see if the gossip blogs actually knew what they were talking about and they always just agreed with what was said lmao and then other anons would just build off it because they thought it was true

But yeah I hate the gossip blogs

[noelledeltarune]

FACTS ‼️‼️ ​sorry i didn’t see this before saying essentially the same thing LMAO but yeah exactly. the phrasing of the part of the answer they showed is obviously just clickbait but it’s funny to me still…. like oh yeah jupiter doesn’t have to be here it just tags along for funsies

[xeymol]

Woah new pinned post jumpscare.

Hello I’m pie, you can call me whatever you want tbh. pie, xey, xeymol, weird void cup, whatever as long as it’s not mean i don’t care lmao

(Used to be known as SoggyMuppet)

Commission sheet

Some important information about me:

- i am EXTREMELY nervous and shy so I apologize if I tend to be awkward with any interactions with anyone

- I may be shy but I don’t mind getting asks, I actually kinda love getting them wither it be answering actual questions or getting doodle requests

- I absolutely love and adore making gifts for people especially if I consider them a friend so gifts for others should be a fairly common sight

- I tend to go for long periods of time without posting, it’s not because I feel I need a break or because I have artblock (may possibly be the case at some point actually) but it happens because I just have a genuinely hard time getting my ideas on paper

- if you ever want to send an ask but your Nervous or I seem scary please know I’m quite harmless and I don’t mind getting asks, it may take me awhile to respond but do know It’s nothing against you and I either just haven’t checked my notifications yet or I’m just taking awhile to type my answer (possibly also drawing something to go with it)

- I am extremely apologetic so I apologize if that gets annoying, I’m just a strong overthinker and I get overwhelmed by it easily which leads to me apologizing a lot for very small thingys

- unreasonably anxious and overly sensitive, if your going to be rude to me please at least be straight up, I can’t tell if or when someone is being jokingly mean and that causes me to overthink and become stressed

- I am very forgetful, some things leave my head instantly so I need to be reminded of things multiple times

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Random Info:

- my persona is some sort of Eldritch creature made of void with a cup for their head, their name is granola

- I absolutely ADORE birds, I can’t draw them for shit but I love seeing pictures of them

- I am not funny. my humor is absolutely horrible, I try to stay family friendly on here but an adult joke might slip sometimes, though I do cuss a lot so I guess I’m not very family friendly💀

- I genuinely do not make sense half the time and when I do it’s either weird or concerning, I’ll say shit like “holy shit Freddy fazbear in portal 2 real not clickbait?!?!?!?!“ or “will skin you alive then boogie on your corpse” and other strange shit, I have something wrong with me

- I have horrible grammar and spelling, autocorrect loves to fuck me over so I’m sorry if a sentence ever comes out wrong on accident

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My main interests right now are:

- space

- horror/body horror

- making strange critters

- a few of my personal projects

- don’t starve/don’t starve together

- regretevator

- Roblox pressure

- animal crossing

- POKEMON‼️

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I usually make fanart for whatever fandom I’m in at the moment but there’s a rare chance I may share if stuff and or original story’s I’m working on, most of what I post is doodles but there is a rare case of fully rendered art. I might post kinda gorey or body horror and genuinely just spooky art one day and if I do I’ll definitely put a warning and try my best to tag it properly, I enjoy making sorta cutesy silly shitposts most the time and I tend to get sorta extreme with my facial expressions lol. I’ve been drawing for technically all my life really, I’m not the best but I’m very devoted to art and designing characters and story’s, my art tends to have heavy shading and overall a sort of dark atmosphere and that’s just due to my immense love for horror and spooky vibes

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Anyways that’s all I have for now, I’ll add to this if I ever have anything more I feel I should add

Goodbye for now, hope you have a lovely day/evening/night💕

___________________________________________________________________________________________________Commission status: currently open🙏