#lots of self hate

[chrliekclly]

——————

it’s been 6 years exactly nd i apologize for everything about this

[tw: implied csa]

[deathdetermineslife]

(if u saw me post this the first time with the wrong poll length no you didn't)

[fumifooms]

I don’t like minimizing the importance and gravity of Laios and Toshiro’s fight into just being a childish squabble, even if to a degree it is framed that way, because to both of them it has a lot of personal significance and emotional weight and runs very deep to their characters… The fight isn’t nothing it’s a LOT, they made up but it’s not something easy to express and to get over for either of them which makes it all the more meaningful! I’m on both sides but there very much are sides, there’s no "they’re both having a ball, Toshiro and Laios hand in hand yay" side to the fight, that comes after

The fight with Toshiro WAS very scary to Laios, almost existentially so, but it’s moreso the "I thought I’d made a friend!!" bit and my god. My god actually

Like it’s not "just" about oh his friend liking him less than he thought, THAT IS SO MUCH. It’s a bond he thought he had being a lie it’s all the time and moments spent together either being a lie from his perspective or marred now looking back. It’s not only being upset at Toshiro for lying but upset at himself that he’s so easy to fool, it’s being upset that there’s something so wrong with you that you can’t even tell if your "close buddy" even actually likes you or not, it’s like. Holding my head. He can’t trust his own vision of events that happened do you see. There’s always this film of distrust that it could be a lie that should be there when he interacts with people there’s always this sense of cloak and dagger to expect backstabs out of nowhere because you CAN’T see it coming you CAN’T you CAN’T there’s something about you which makes it impossible so you CAN’T-

He’s so scared of not being able to read people. He knows it’s a weak spot he has, he’s always known. All of these bits are centered around social expectations and betrayals, the assumption that he doesn’t belong either in society or with other humans.

And Laios’ level of awareness is actually sort of complex to analyze, but it’s there, there’s how out of him and Falin he was the one sensitive to the ~aura of hatred~ he felt from the townspeople, there’s of course his nightmares whispering to him about the mocking looks, and how yeah actually he realizes that his gold stripper coworker was taking advantage of him. There’s of course the Winged Lion speech about his trauma and how he fundamentally mistrusts/dislikes humans to some deep seated degree, this distrust that he still keeps under control always. There’s how pre-canon he often wanted to suggest eating monsters but never worked up the courage to bring it up with the others. There’s how he gets across as stoic when he isn’t being enthusiastic…… We don’t know how aware and wary he is exactly in the moment but we do know he has some anxiety around social stuff, and looking back he does notice and aughh augh, the sense you have to hide yourself to not get hurt and be on your guard and shit and.

When you don’t know what to look out for and when to look out for it, the general ‘common sense’ of not always trusting people or noticing when someone’s messing with you becomes hypervigilance in social settings

"Man they really know what you hate huh". Being socially unaware literally plagues him, he knows, he knows it so well.

It’s so quick that it’s almost hard to digest how literal and blatant Laios summoning his monster to crush all the people who’ve hurt him is. His literal go-to coping mechanism for comfort in his literal monster-induced emotionally intense nightmares, saving him by taking away the upsetting element (the humans)

"Monsters are his coping fantasy, where they can whisk him away from humanity, all the hurt it’s caused him and its arbitrary rules" with the subtlety of a brick. Monsters are his comfort safe zone "because they kill humans" yes but no it’s because he pits them as the guardians against humans who to him are in the role of the agressors. To him they represent freedom from the shackles of what it means to be part of humanity, a fundamentally social species

[dreadark]

that ivan loves till is the most obvious thing about them

but. does ivan know that…?

the ivan that regards his own feelings as shallow, the ivan that learned how emotions are expressed only from copying others… does he even know that the love he’s felt for so long is love? probably not. and part of the reason is the one he loves himself

because the easiest example he has of love is till's feelings to mizi. till outright calls it love, and ivan watches him so much he has to be aware of this and till’s love to mizi is totally unselfish, right. he doesn’t seem to actually want much from her—just that she's still there and still "mizi"

but ivan can't be satisfied with just watching he… wants. ivan wants till’s attention, till’s affection—

surely this selfish wanting can’t be love

...no wonder he was never able to express his feelings straightforwardly when he belittles them so much but he can’t stand not having anything either, so he does… whatever he does instead to get any scraps of attention he can, from someone he's convinced doesn't care about him at all only showing affection when till can't see it, right until he knows he's going to die

but ivan's feelings for till are all he still has of himself... to think of them as shallow...

I've seen this translated as "I should've been kinder" to him (till) or to her (sua)

but really, the one he should've been kinder to was himself

[aingeal98]

Something about older Jason looking at the child version of himself, the innocent victim, and feeling the need to defend and avenge him the way no one else will. They'll call him reckless and try to pin the blame for his death on some unique failure of his personality, the problem isn't Robin the problem is he was just a bad fit for Robin! And then older Jason coming back to life and spits on their twisted grief. Fuck you, that innocent child deserved more. You took his memory and ruined it to make yourselves feel better. If no one will give him justice then Jason will take it himself no matter who he has to kill to get there. It's the only way he can move forward.

Something about older Cass looking at this child version of herself, this innocent who has no idea what she was doing when she was tricked into killing, and finding her irredeemable. She will forgive everyone for everything if they need a second chance but she cannot forgive that innocent child. She spends ten years wanting that child to die for their sin, a standard she holds no one else to. And in the end she does have to die. She can never forgive that child until the price has been paid and the guilty, tormented, suicidal mess of a girl is dead and never coming back. Only then can Cass live on. Only then can she smile without feeling the weight of her kill on her back. If no one will give that child the justice they deserve then she will have to do it herself. It's the only way she can move forward.

[caitas-cooing]

Reblog this post if you are professionally diagnosed and you support informed self diagnosis and you hate people accusing others of faking disorders when they have no evidence to support that

[nibbelraz]

Warning! Warning! Character No longer Exists!

[kitkats-and-kittens]

I don’t read many Red Hood comics. Like obviously he’s there in some of the stuff I read, but I’m self aware enough to know that he isn’t going to be written the same way as he would be in a comic more central to his own story.

That being said. I genuinely do not understand why some fans make Bruce out to be the devil for not killing the joker??

Like I get it for Jason. He’s a kid. He’s hurt. He’s angry. He’s upset. He died. Like he’s probably not thinking very rationally here, but that’s something you can eventually learn to manage with time and therapy.

However Bruce not wanting to put aside his own already well established set of morals and kill a guy is like completely within reason???

I’ve seen a lot of Jason Todd stans make him seem like this horrible father for not placing Jason’s morals above his own and killing the Joker and I understand that it’s very complex issues, because the man’s son died, but if anything that should only cause a more nuanced viewpoint on the conflict.

Jason dying is horrible and you’re allowed to feel empathy for the guy. Of course you are, it sucked, but that doesn’t mean that Bruce is suddenly obligated to start killing people? Nor does it mean he should turn a blind eye to Jason killing people, just because he was hurt.

Bruce is allowed to be selfish. He’s allowed to look in the mirror and say “I don’t want to become a killer” and he’s allowed to go out into the world and do just that without being called an abusive father.

Maybe It’s me just not understanding the conflict completely. Again I really haven’t read many comics and most of this is through a very internet heavy viewpoint.

But I also feel like a lot of the nuance of the situation has been sucked out over the years and reduced to Jason whining about how his own father won’t sacrifice everything he stands for just to avenge him as though Jason is in a morally superior disposition to half the people he fights.

I’m not even that big of a Batman stan. I just genuinely don’t understand.

Also damn I’ve been posting a lot recently

[canisalbus]

I really appriciate how often Machete is depicted struggling and feeling like a burden, while still being loved and supported by Vasco. It gives the top tier angst of "i'm not good enough, I'm not worth it" but you frame it in such a way where it's clear that's just how he *feels* and is not how things really are, but also it's so nice to see someone who struggles quite often in a loving and unique relationship that suits them. The narrative of not being able to love or be loved unless you're consistently healthy is really tiring lol.

.

[kiddphel]

I know a lot of self shippers hate canon x canon with their f/os, but shoutout to the self shippers who DONT. There's this sort of trend in self ship where ppl just assume you hate all canon ships with your f/os and... No? I don't think that's the sort of thing we should normalize when a lot of people like canon x canon.

Sometimes you see a canon/popular fandom ship with your f/o and go "I'm gonna get in between you two move over this is OUR relationship".

Sometimes you see a ship and go "I'm not romantically interested in the other character in this ship, just my f/o, but i still really love their relationship".

There is no wrong way to self ship, and if you like some canon x canon with your f/os then cool! I do too! Live your life and love your faves and the others who love them in canon.

[pepperpixel]

SAID HE LIKES CRAZY GIRLS,

BUT HE HATES WHEN I ACT CRAZY,

IT TAKES TWO TO TOXIC!

FINALLY!!! Finished these pics of jinx I’ve been working on!!!!! HOLY SHIT, these took so long…. But finally… they’re done… pls enjoy this art of my beautiful princess w a disorder. Featuring alternate colors for the big pic and also a closeup! Cuz I rlly like how both the lines and coloring on her face turned out… like the pink gradients w her eye… her deer in headlights expression,, like uve just startled a raccoon digging thru ur trashcan and r two seconds away from getting mauled.. m proud of it!

[retellingthehobbit]

(Link here) Picture me with a conspiracy stringboard, a copy of the Unfinished Tales, and several essays about how LOTR/The Hobbit are meant to be flawed translations of ancient texts written by biased authors, and gesturing wildly as I explain how we can reinterpret The Hobbit as a funky little gay metaphor actually. we can do it. I believe

[taborc]

So do think Branch and Creek's related would be toxic at first or not all

Realistically, I think Branch would have a very hard time trusting Creek at first.

He would be petty, rude, and hostile before letting himself see Creek in the light of friendship. In general, Branch isn’t the kind of person to trust automatically. There would be some toxicity there, some resentment at first, but I believe he could allow himself to foster some sort of relationship (friends or more) just like he has with everyone else in his life.

My headcanon for Creek is that he has narcissistic tendencies, but truly did care for his friends before his own life was in danger. Fear makes fools of us all. I think he would regret what he did in some capacity, realizing that being alive - but alone - wasn’t worth it in the end. He would want to try and make it up to the trolls, even Branch, but doesn’t know the proper way to express his remorse. He knows Branch still doesn’t trust him, and there’s no foundation without trust.

[mo-ok]

putting teeth on helmets i think should have them

[cinnamonsikwate]

"why couldn't shuro have just been honest about what he felt with laios and falin it's not that hard" are you. are you White

[spkyart]

I wonder what his favorite word is