#love it when good art just pops up in the rotation

[persnickety-doodles]

she’s always watching 👁️👁️

[maddyjones2]

On not idolising creative people

In the wake of the various recent allegations involving Neil Gaiman, people have been both very sad that someone who they looked up to as an inspiration has, allegedly, turned out to be something less than entirely admirable, and are now looking to see who is now left that they can rotate into the spot of “the good dude,” i.e., that one successful creative guy who they think or at least hope isn’t hiding a cellar full of awful actions. One name I see brought up is mine, in ways ranging from “Well, at least we still have Scalzi,” to “Oh, God, please don’t let Scalzi be a fucking creep too.” Which, uhhhh, yeah? Thanks?

I have many thoughts about this and I’m going to try to make sense of them here, as much for myself as anyone else, so this may be messy and discursive and long (seriously, 3600 words, y’all), but, well, welcome to me. So, ordered by how these things come out of my head:

1. Stop Idolizing Creative People. Creative people are easy to idolize because they create the art you love, and that gives you permission to feel things, and to see yourself and your desires reflected in that art. That is a powerful thing, and from the outside, it can feel like magic, and that the people who do it are tapped into something otherworldly and admirable. Plus, they often get to have cool lives and get to know other cool creative people. They do things that are removed from the day-to-day aspect of a “normal” life, and they’ll even post about them on social media where you can see them. Sometimes, independent of their art directly, they’ll speak about their life, or life in general, and they’ll seem wise and considered and kind. I mean, what’s not to like?

But please consider that this is all an extremely mediated experience of this person. The art is the edited and massaged result of hours and days and weeks and months of work, into which the work of many others is also added. My novels originate from me, but it’s not just me in there, nor is the final form of the novel an accurate statement of who I am as a person, not least of all for the simple reason that I am not trying to tell my story in my novels. I’m creating fictional characters, and the world in which they make sense, for the purpose of the story.

Despite how it might look from the outside, this is not sorcery. It’s years of experience at a craft. It’s not magic, just work. A completed novel (or any other piece of art) won’t tell you much about the specific, day-to-day life and inclinations of the individual who made it, other than a general nod toward their competence, and the competence of their collaborators. Likewise what you see of their lives, even from the illusorily close vantage of social media, is deeply mediated. Lives always look admirable at a distance, when you can only see the lofty peaks and not the rubble at the base — especially when your attention by design is pointed at those lofty peaks. There’s much you don’t see and that you’re not meant to see. The vast majority of what you’re not meant to see isn’t nefarious. It’s just not your business.

Now, before I was a professional creative person, I was an entertainment journalist who spent years interviewing writers, directors, movie stars, musicians, authors and other creative folks. Since I’ve been on the other side of the rope, I’ve likewise met a huge range of creative people from all walks of life. Please believe me when I assure you that creative people are just people. Richer and/or more famous? Sometimes (less often than you might think, though). Prettier and/or more charismatic? Especially if they’re actors or pop stars, often yes! But at the end of the day they are just folks, and they run the whole range of how people are. By and large, the day-to-day experience of getting through their life is the same as yours. Outside of their own specific field of work, they don’t know any more about life, have no more facility for dealing with the world, and have just as few clues about what’s going on in their own head, as anyone else.

They’re just people. Whose work is making the stuff you like! And that’s great, but that’s not a substantive basis for idolizing them. It makes no more sense to idolize them than to idolize a baker who makes cookies you like, or the guy who comes and trims your hedges the way you want them to be trimmed, or the plumber who fixes your clogged drain. You can appreciate what they do, and even admire they skill they have. But holding them up as a life model might be a bit much. Which is the point! If you’re not willing to idolize a plumber, then you shouldn’t idolize a creative person.

(“But a plumber doesn’t make me feel like a creative person does,” you say, to which I say, are you sure about that? Because I will tell you what, when my sump pump stopped working and the plumber got in there, replaced the pump and started draining out my basement which had an inch of standing water in it, that man was the focus of all my emotions and was my goddamned hero that day. My plumber that day did more for me than easily 90% of the great art I’ve ever experienced.)

Enjoy the art creative people do. Enjoy the experience of them in the mediated version of them you get online and elsewhere, if such is your joy. But remember that the art is from the artist, not the artist themselves, and the version of their life you see is usually just the version they choose to show. There is so much you don’t see, and so much you’re not meant to see. At the end of the day, you don’t have all the information about who they are that you would need to make them your idol, or someone you might choose to, in some significant way, pattern some fraction of your life on. And anyway creative people aren’t any better at life than anyone else.

Which brings up the next point:

2. Fuck idols anyway! People are complicated and contradictory and you don’t know everything about them! You don’t know everything even about your parents or siblings or best friends or your partner! People are hypocrites and liars and fail to live up to their own standards for themselves, much less yours! Your version of them in your head will always be different than the version that actually exists in the world! Because you’re not them! Stop pretending people won’t be fuck ups! They will! Always!

This sounds more pessimistic about humans than perhaps it should be. When I say, for example, that people are hypocrites and liars, I don’t mean that people take every single opportunity to be hypocrites and liars. Most people are decent in the moment. But none of us — not one! — has always lived up to our own standard of behavior, and all of us have had the moment where, when confronted with a situation that would become an immense pain in the ass if we stuck to our guns, or demanded the inconvenient truth, decided to just bail instead, because the situation wasn’t worth the drama, or we had somewhere else to be, or whatever. We all choose battles and we all make the call in the moment, and sometimes the call is, fuck this, I’m out.

Every person you’ve ever admired has fucked up, sometimes really badly. Everyone you’ve ever looked up to has secrets, and it’s possible some of those secrets would materially change how you think about them, not always for the better. Everyone you’ve ever known has things about them you don’t know, many of which aren’t even secrets, they’re just things you don’t engage with in your day-to-day experience of them. Nevertheless it’s possible if you were aware of them, it would change how you feel about them, for better or for worse. And now let’s flip that around! You have things about you that even your best friends don’t know, and might be surprised to learn! You have secrets you don’t wish to share with the class! You have fucked up, and lied, and have been a hypocrite too!

You are, in short, a human, as is everyone you know and every one you will know (pets and gregarious wild animals excepted). And all humans are, charitably, a mess. This doesn’t mean there aren’t good people or even exemplary people out there, since there are, along with the ones that are, charitably, a real shit show. What I am saying is that even the good or exemplary people out there are a mess, have been morally compromised at some point in their lives, and have not lived up to their own standards for themselves, independent of anyone else’s standard for them.

One of the aspects of being an “idol,” I think, is that higher standard that other people expect of you — that in every situation where the aspect they idolize you for is in play, you will act in a manner that is right and correct by their standard, which of course you will likely not know about because you don’t actually know them (or often know that they exist). This is, by definition, an impossible standard to be held to — you didn’t agree to it, or to engage with it — and an impossible standard to hold other people to without their direct consultation. Every human made to be an idol is destined to fail at the job. You don’t even have to have feet of clay! You just didn’t know you were on a pedestal to begin with.

(This does not excuse shitty action. The fact people should not be idols in the first place is not exculpatory for the choices one makes on one’s own. If you’re sexually assaulting people, or being a racist or sexist or homophobe or other flavor of bigot, or using your situational power coercively (as just a few examples), then hell yes you are going to be called out on it. And to be clear, it is not unreasonable, to put it mildly, to expect people not to sexually assault other people, or not to denigrate other humans for being who they are, etc. But this only adds to the point about idols, now, doesn’t it. You don’t know what you don’t see, and you don’t know what you’re not seeing, until it is hauled out into the light one way or the other. If it is hauled out into the light at all.)

I don’t think anyone should idolize anyone, ever. It’s not great for them, and it’s not great for you, they probably didn’t ask to be idolized (and if they did, holy shit, fucking run), and in the end unless you’re so completely wrapped up in their lives that they have no secrets from you — which is never — you don’t know enough to make that call. People do it anyway, and then disappointment happens, but they shouldn’t have done it in the first place. Stop idolizing people. It’s not fair for anyone.

What to do instead? Enjoy their work, if they’re a creative person. Appreciate the kind and good aspects of their life that you can see, and the decent actions they undertake in public, with the knowledge that what you see of them is a mediated and elided version. Understand that we all have a different version of ourself for every person we meet, and that every person we meet has a different vision of ourselves in their head, and very often, those two versions are not the same. Like them, based on what you know of them! Love them, if it comes to that. And when and if you learn something new about them that you didn’t know before, let empathy guide you to a new understanding of them and what they mean to you.

And now, taking all of the above into consideration:

3. Absolutely 100% do not idolize me. I don’t deserve to be idolized because no one deserves to be idolized, but also, holy fuck, I do know me and I’m a mess. There have been lots of things in my life that I’ve done that have not been admirable or kind. I can be petty and shitty and competitive and cruel. I am lazy and inattentive and when I let things slide (which is often), I end up jammed up on my responsibilities, which makes me irritable and no fun to be around. I have a temper which goes from zero to sixty almost instantaneously; if I’m not actively paying attention to it, I can become a sudden, unreasonable rage monster, which is a burden to people I love, and I hate that fact about myself (pro tip: don’t travel with me, the rage monster comes out a lot then).

I can be controlling and demanding but I want other people to handle the details, i.e., executive asshole. I am strategic in a way that can be bloodless. When I’m insecure I brag a lot, which is unflattering. If you cross me, I won’t go out of my way to make your life miserable (that would require effort on my part), but I will absolutely enjoy when you take a literal or metaphorical tumble down the stairs. God knows I’ve enjoyed the failures of the people who have spoken ill of me, almost as much as I’ve enjoyed the fuming, spittling rage they’ve felt when I’ve succeeded. I spent years cultivating a snarky persona online and while that was fun (for me), I’m increasingly aware that when the tally is added up for Who Ruined the Internet, I’m not necessarily going to be where I want to be on that particular ledger.

And these are only the bad qualities of mine I wish to admit to you at the moment. There are others, I assure you.

So, yes: Who wants to idolize me now?

“But you seemed so nice when I chatted with you online/met you at the convention/saw you at that one place that one time.” Well, thank you, I’ve been in the public eye in one manner or another for three and a half decades now and I understand my assignment; my public persona is friendly and engaging and sociable and mostly fun to be with. It’s not a fake version of me — I am all those things! Honest! — but, again, it’s a mediated version of me designed not only to be a positive experience for the people who meet me but also to get my actually introverted ass through a whole day of events at a convention/festival/book tour/whatever. When I’m done I collapse into an introverted hole. When I came back from Worldcon this week, I slept for 15 hours the first day I was home. It wasn’t just because of jet lag or con crud.

I rather famously call my public face “performance monkey mode,” and likewise what I say about my (current) online mode is that I’m cosplaying as a better version of myself, one that is kinder than I used to be online, and more patient than I am in the real world. If you meet me when I am “off” then you will find that, again, these versions of me are me, just with some things dialed up and other things dialed down. But even that is still a different version of me than, say, the version of me which is at home (which is in fact extremely boring; that version of me doesn’t talk much and mostly stays in my office).

Many of you who have followed me over the years are familiar with me saying things like this, of course, and are likewise familiar with me pointing out that there are a number of things about my life that I don’t mention in public, for whatever reasons I choose. But it’s also true that I’ve been actively online for 30+ years now, and people feel reasonably confident that they have a good bead on me and that there’s not much about me that will surprise them or change their understanding of me. So to bring home the point there are indeed things you don’t know, allow me to surface just one previously unaired fun fact:

I have a concealed carry license.

(Or did; it expired this year and I didn’t renew it, because Ohio changed its laws so that you no longer need a permit to conceal carry in the state. These days in Ohio you can just wander about with a handgun stuffed down your trousers without training or licensing because that’s a real good idea, now, isn’t it. Nevertheless, the license is not necessary anymore so there was not much point in renewing it, although if the law had not changed, I probably would have renewed.)

Why did I have a concealed carry license? Well, ultimately that’s not important. The point is I had one. I didn’t talk about it before because, among other things, the point of a concealed carry license (to me, anyway) is that its existence is not meant to be known by anyone other than that great state of Ohio itself. I am aware, and this is a dramatic understatement, that I am not a person most people would expect to have had such a thing. That the fact I had one will cause a number of people to reconsider what they know about me, for better or for worse. Which is also my point. All y’all have just learned this thing about me! Think about all the other things you don’t know!

Oh, God, this is where Scalzi starts admitting to terrible, terrible things. No. I feel pretty confident I live a tolerably ethical life. Part of the reason for this is that I have what I think is a decent operating principle, which is: If I’m thinking of doing something, and Krissy called me right then and asked “what are you doing?” and I would be tempted to lie to her about it, then I don’t do that thing. Because Krissy is the most important person in my life, and I don’t want to lie to her about what I’m doing (I have lied to her exactly once. She knew instantly. I haven’t bothered lying to her since). This is not replacing Krissy’s ethics with my own; it’s me knowing whether by my own ethics, I would be ashamed to tell to her what I am up to. It works very well. As such, the Krissy Test is an operating principle I highly suggest to others, although I’d suggest replacing Krissy with whomever your life is most important to you.

Be that as it may, my ethics are not universal and some others might not find them sufficient, for whatever reason. I am well aware I still disappoint many people, and that there are people who find my life choices, known positions or public statements (or lack of them, as the case may be) problematic, or who simply wish I would be other than what I am. I can’t help them with this, but again, this is the point. Given the fact that I am a fallible human who has an entire stratum of his life not visible to the world — and the strata of his life that are visible cause significant numbers of people to be irritated and exasperated — is it not better just to not hold me up as an ideal person, or the “good dude,” much less an idol of any sort?

I mean, shit. What Would John Scalzi Do? Solidly half the time, I have no fucking idea. I have to think about it, whatever it is. I have to think about whether I know enough to do or say something about it. I have to decide whether it’s something I want to engage with at all, and whether my engagement with it is something that would be of value to anyone, me included. I have to decide whether engaging with it is worth the shit I will get for it. And then I have to figure out what it means that I am engaging with it, since like it or not I’m a Dude of Reasonable Significance in My Field. I try to be a decent human, when people are looking at me and especially when they are not. But I also know me, and all my flaws and weaknesses and compromises.

What Would John Scalzi Do? The best he can, in the moment. Is that sufficient? For me, yes, most of the time. Is that sufficient for you? That’s up to you.

The point to this all is that people are just a big fucking mess, including the ones you might for whatever reason find admirable. I am no different than anyone else, and you should not be under the illusion that I am anything other than a shambling collection of flaws embedded inside a human form, which also, in its defense, has some pretty excellent qualities as well. We’re all this way! You too!

And while I want you to like my work, and to enjoy the version of me that you see here and elsewhere, don’t put me, or any other person, on a pedestal. Pedestals are wobbly and and don’t give actual humans a lot of room to move. We will inevitably fall off. Keep us with our feet on the ground. That way, when we stumble, there’s a chance we can get back up, and keep going.

— JS

[baka-bakeneko]

Into It - Kento Nanami x Fem!Reader

tags: NSFW, workplace, Mr. Nanami has an obsession, overthinking, progressively dirtier thoughts, stalker behavior, seat licking, mention of footplay [i know, i'm sorry], masturbation in workplace, territory-marking, [i mean some seriously off-handle shit happens and i feel like tagging them would spoil the surprise], y/n is used, panty stuffing, foreplay, semi-public sex, slow burn sex, creampie, snowballing, not really proofread just shared with fellow degenerates word count: 6.52 k synopsis: Nanami Kento loves seeing you at the workplace. [headcanon idea provided by bllue_soul on twitter, their art is amazing, their obsession with Nanami is immaculate] a/n: i want this man (SPICY) to spit in my mouth after he eats taco bell. I'd let him use my asshole as an ashtray. thank you for coming to my tedtalk.

Nanami loved when you wore blue in the office. He'd never say it, but Nanami made sure to get up for a cup of coffee when you'd show up in the morning.

Five minutes late as usual, even on days you were scheduled later. Nanami couldn't explain why it was that exact time, every time, but you always walked through the elevator doors with your coffee cup in hand, looking for your ID in your purse.

Knee-length pencil skirt, black. Teal blue silk button-up. Heels. The strappy kind that went around your ankle and sleek. The bottoms were scuffed because of daily use, except for Fridays when you wore your black sneakers.

He refilled his cup, catching glances of you through the glass of the breakroom. You were running late, yes, but today was different. You reached to strap up your heel, wearing an entirely new skirt half shorter than the regular.

With a lift of your knee to a lobby table, you fixed your shoe and inadvertently flashed your lacy blue panties. Nanami stepped closer to the counter, acknowledging the sudden throb of his cock at the sight. He narrowed his eyes, catching onto more of the previously hidden skin of your inner thighs.

He'd peeked before, passing by you in the downstairs cafe but was caught by the slip you wore underneath. But now you were as careless as possible, as if you'd wanted Nanami to notice all of you.

He would've popped a blood vessel if he didn't keep his composure; a slick icy dew settled down his spine as he pulled his coffee cup to his lips and disguised his gulp. Nanami slowly tore his eyes away from your elongated legs as you stood upright, as you adjusted your skirt just past your thighs.

He stole another glance as you walked in, admiring the tilt of your hips when you walked and how this new skirt of yours aided the visual.

Nanami cleared his throat when another coworker entered and discreetly adjusted himself in his slacks before taking an actual swig of his coffee. He excused himself to his desk and sat down precisely, making sure his chair was two inches in the way of the walkway.

You exchanged your greetings to your coworkers as you breezed by them, taking long pulls of your coffee while you made it to your desk aisle.

Upon your turn, you noticed Kento sat upright in his chair almost purposefully in the walkway.

"Good morning, Nanami," you offered with a small smile pursed on your lips.

Your free hand went to his shoulder and carefully cupped it, willing yourself to not squeeze and admire the amount of muscle he hid under his suit.

You cleared your throat as you sidled around his chair, your thigh brushing his knee while your hand pushed him in rotation to watch you walk by.

Nanami's eyes were trained on your hand for the moment you touched him, then stole a peek at your ass as you breezed by him. This coy display of yours made his heart race in his ears.

"Y/N, you're late," he chastised softly, rotating the full 180 with his eyes glued on yours all the way to your seat.

"I know," you pouted, sitting down carefully at your chair. You pressed your knees together and tucked your legs just under the seat. "The line at the coffee shop was so long, even when I got there early."

Nanami tightened his jaw, straightened his tie and put on his best composure; you smiled at his efforts, how he slicked at his hair and flattened his tie to his chest.

"I even got you something," you cut in, stalling his scolding you. You dug into your purse and retrieved a singular wrapped cake pop, coated with light blue sprinkles over the beige icing. "Reminded me of you."

Nanami's eyes remained blank though the underside of his right one twitched; you held the treat out to him and he took it with a low tone of thanks.

"That's not all," you offered, going through your bag again to retrieve a bottle of iced coffee. "I know you like hot coffee, but I brought you a cold brew. More caffeine."

Nanami stiffened further, watching as you set the glass bottle on your shared desk then pushed it with the tips of your fingers over to him. Your effort was cute, pushing past the small conjoining crack as you remained fully in your seat.

He could see down your blouse then, past the teal blue silk and in to see another catch of lace. Nanami gulped, his free hand clutching the top of the cold brew bottle and slamming his eyes shut.

"Thank you, Y/N."

You sat upright with a snap, folding your hands to your lap with a cheeky smile. "No problem, Nanamin."

His cock was seething now, so hot and throbbing for you without you even noticing his slow descent.

You forced your knees tighter together, hoping to hide the sudden wet you had for Nanami as you did everyday sitting in front of him. So badly you wanted to be his office pet, for him to keep his attention focused on you rather than work.

With a curt nod in your direction, he slid into his corner office desk and logged onto his computer. You watched the man square his shoulders, finishing off his cup of coffee before you turned around in your chair.

Nanami peeked from the corner of his eye to you, wheeling yourself tight into your cubicle and reaching for the straps of your heels. Like clockwork, they helped you walk in but the constant sprint to the train, even when you're running early, warred on your arches.

He carefully mapped the flex of your calves as you kicked your heels off and rested your bare feet on the low-pile carpet.

Nanami thought of you, one day, resting your tired feet on his lap. How you'd press your aching arches into his thigh while silently willing him to ease the stress in them. He'd happily do so, for you, if you asked nicely.

-

By break-time, the swell of Nanami's cock subsided to replace his actual work. While you were in the forefront of his mind, you were subdued when his eyes weren't on you. He focused on numbers that repeated in sequence until you logged off of your computer and put your shoes on.

"I'm going to lunch with some of the girls," you offered, sidling around to face Nanami's back. "Would you like to come?"

Nanami paused in typing, the thought striking through his core. Very badly, he thought, all over your tits and tongue. He raised his brows, turning his chin over his shoulder slightly to you.

"No, thank you."

You hummed, pushing to your feet with your hand resting on Nanami's desk. "Would you like me to get you something?"

You reached a curious hand out, wanting to brush through the back of Kento's short blond hair. Your hand stagnated in the air before you balled your fist and dropped it to your waist.

He tilted his chin in your direction, catching your eyes. Nanami's jaw tightened, staring at your soft gaze back at him. The harsh lights of the office did absolutely nothing well for your features, but lightning nonetheless was beautiful haloed around you.

Nanami shook his head in response, pushing away from his desk with a log off. You leaned further into Nanami's view, taking up more of his scenery.

"Would you like to get drinks with us tonight?" You asked, tilting a hip against the desk.

Nanami kept his eyes locked with yours, his lax eyes watching as your ass shelved onto the desk and rode your already short-skirt further up.

"Us?" He repeated, turning sideways to hid his once again growing bulge.

You smiled, scoffed in amusement as your hand reached out to push Nanami to face you. "The girls from work. I'm sure they won't mind you tagging along."

Nanami stuffed his hands into his pockets instantly, doing his best to hide the stiffening tent in his slacks. The precarious position he was in before you was nothing he hadn't imagined before.

You leaned against the desk before him, his chair placed directly before you. "I-I don't think I should."

"Oh, come on," you pleaded softly, lowering your voice as your coworkers began to file out to grab lunch. "I'll buy you a drink."

The ache slowly roared up Nanami's stomach, taking all of you in.

"I'll think about it," he said, sitting back in his chair. "Now, go on, before you miss lunch with your friends."

You smiled and pushed off of the desk, straightening out your skirt before walking away. "You want me to bring you something back?"

Nanami followed your movements around to the front of his cubicle; he grinned suddenly and shook his head.

"No, go." He raised a hand to wave you off. "Go, before you're late coming back."

You scrunched your nose at him then pat your hand on top of his cubicle before walking off. The way his dull stare looked into you, locked into you while he kept his attention directed at you made you feel warmer inside.

You wrung the handle of your purse on your shoulder as you walked out of the office, looking back a final time to see Nanami standing up to refresh his cup of coffee.

Nanami was careful moving while still in your line of sight. He ignored your gaze and went to the breakroom to clean his coffee cup. More of his coworkers filed out of the office, leaving him alone for the hour lunch they had.

Upon seeing you leave, Nanami took the opportunity to return back to his desk. With the lights automatically shutting off, Nanami rested his head in the exact space where you sat on the desk.

He breathed softly at the remnant of warmth you left, turning his face to press his nose right where he imagined your panties touched the surface. All of it, so warm. Nanami pressed his tongue to the surface, knowing that he wouldn't find anything of note in your wake but imagined the heavy damp of your pussy.

Nanami huffed against the desk, resting his forehead to it as he fumbled with his belt buckle. The thought of eating you out on the very desk after hours drove the heat right back to his throbbing cock.

He took grip of his cock and stroked once, stopping his breath on the thought of you sat where his head was now. Like a dog, he lapped at the desk top while he squeezed tight at his cock and stroked long and slow.

Nanami sniffed up all of your scent, licked up all that he could before he felt your essence was dissipated from the top. He'd normally hold off on such outward displays in regards to you, but today felt like more.

He moved away from the desk in a pant, dropping to his knees and trudging to your chair. Imagining the day he'd lay his head on your lap, let your tired feet fumble over his raw cock, Nanami stroked and inhaled deeply at your chair.

Kento breathed deeply at your seat, dragging his tongue over the aerated mesh of your chair. He imagined your skirt ridden up further while you sat, your lacy blue panties rubbing against the mesh.

Kento opened his eyes to look at your seat, the thin string of your panties woven into the mesh. His brow quirked and gnawed at the spot to free the string.

He thought of your panties catching, your pussy touching the mesh and riling yourself up while at work. Naughty girl, he thought, squeezing his cock harder as he finally came.

With a kneel, Nanami reached out for your to-go coffee cup and brought it to his dripping cock. He leaked all of his cum from his tip and into the empty cup, staring down at its ooze mixing with the legs of the coffee remnant at the bottom.

He caught his breath, bent over your chair, letting his cock twitch freely into the cup until he was empty. Kento sat back on his haunches, righted his pants and belt buckle before standing up and grabbing the cup in disgust.

Carefully, he walked it to the men's restroom and discarded it in the bin, stuffing it far to the bottom and balling paper towels on top.

Nanami stood before the mirror, washing his hands while staring at the sudden blush in his demeanor. He wished to understand the allure about you over him in such a place. Even when he thought about work, you were right over his shoulder.

Like a tempting little devil in your lacy undies, crossing and uncrossing your legs in your strappy heels. Nanami knew it was wrong to want to be between them so bad while on the clock, but the stress only built with every passing by.

He leaned against the white tile of the bathroom and took a deep breath, knowing he could get through another day like he did every other one before it.

But tonight you asked him out for drinks. And he was going to go.

-

Closing down his office desk around the same time as you, Nanami stood up and righted his suit jacket in the walkway. You managed to step back into your heels a final time, strap them up and put your phone in your bag as you logged out of your computer.

"Y/N," Kento began as you took of your ID and put it into your bag.

You hummed, giving the blond man your undivided attention. He stood stiffly before you, hair and suit kempt to the nines just as you expected from him every day.

He glanced at his watch on his wrist, reached with his free hand undo his tie at the second the hands hit 5:30. "Let's get those drinks."

By his utterance, you brightened. He saw it and that look alone sent another lash of heat through his stomach. The way your eyes lit up and how your lips curled revealing your teeth in a genuine smile.

"Let's go," you pushed, moving to wrap your arm through his and walk with him to the elevator.

You rested your chin to his shoulder, peering up at him with your still egregious smile; Nanami's heart raced with how close you were to him at this moment.

He kept his pace with you, not overexerting your tired stride in your strappy heels. Nanami kept his arm bent with yours, his muscle flexing under your fingers.

"Do you workout?" You asked innocently enough, squeezing tenderly at his bicep. You felt his body tense under your touch, his muscle tightening in your grip.

You hid a roll of your eyes at that, your mind wondering to the thought of what Nanami looked with his shirt off. Your imagination on him kept you focused hard at work everyday, as if he would be able to read it on your face.

Kento's body was rigid by your touch, your question. He glanced down at you, offered a half-watt smirk.

"Not a day in my life." He added, pushing the button for the elevator and stepping inside with you.

When he thought it'd be just the two of you, your coworker friends suddenly flooded into the elevator. The bubble surrounding the two of you was now popped, all the noise of the multiple women nothing more than grating.

Still, you held onto his arm, pulled him a bit closer as you looked up at him expectantly. His heart fluttered as his cock twitched, both parts of him expecting two different things at once.

-

You managed to get the bartender's attention while Nanami sat at the table off from your coworkers. He'd loosened his tie and folded it carefully to tuck into his suit pocket.

You were leaning egregiously over the bar, waiting as the bartender fixed your drinks, no longer paying attention to how your new skirt was riding up.

Nanami wanted to sit back and admire the view, but glanced around to the other patrons. His eyes caught onto a few gentlemen's gazes, how they lined up on the curve of your ass.

He was up and behind you swiftly, his hands respectfully holding the sides of your skirt and pulling it down over your thighs.

You sat up with a grin, into Nanami, leaning your head against his shoulder. "What, don't like a show?"

Kento reddened, glancing around the bar at the other men now fixated on your proximity. He straightened his hands along your hips then backed away. I don't want to share you with other men.

You maneuvered in his hold and turned around, touching at his naked collared shirt. Nanami's hands followed up to clasp over yours. He shook his head.

"I...don't want you to be exposed." He managed to say, chastising himself internally for chastising you like this.

You slipped a hand up his neck, emboldened by his touch. "You like what you saw..."

Nanami hid a roll of his eyes, holding himself up from leaning into your hold. "Maybe a little, but this isn't the place for that."

You narrowed your eyes at Nanami, searching his calculated stare back at you. "You wanna dance?"

His brow furrowed quizzically, allowed you to push past him and ditch the drinks. You grabbed onto his wrist and led him out onto the dimly lit dance floor, the lights pointed up towards the ceiling cycling through the rainbow.

"Y/N, I don't dance," Nanami said flatly, dragging his feet after you.

"Then stand there," you responded, dropping his hand to your hip after you faced away from him. "I like a man that knows what he wants."

Nanami gulped as he felt you press against him; your skirt hiked up an inch as you slid down the length of his legs and pulled yourself back up.

Internally, he bit at his knuckles, fighting every urge to lose himself before you. Nanami reached out for your hands, holding you upright before him.

"Don't...do that," Nanami scolded, hissing into your ear.

You felt a chill roll down your spine, feeling Kento's breath husk against your skin. You forced your knees together, feeling the warmth pool further down to your pussy.

You teasingly tilted your ear in the direction of the blond's mouth. "What do you want me to do, Kento?"

An errant grimace scoured his mouth, the sound that followed it along with the grip of his hands made your breath pick up.

You felt the bulge of his cock against your ass, how it throbbed against you.

Nanami couldn't help it then, smelling your shampoo and feeling you so closely. His mouth jerked to answer but he was silenced as you swayed your hips to the switch of music.

His slammed his eyes shut, leaning against your temple as his thumbs ran along your palms. "Y/N, please."

"I can stop," you whispered, tilting your head further to look behind at Kento. "Just tell me too."

Nanami panted softly against you, ready to press you hard against him and cum in his pants. He wanted to call you out right there, tell you this was inappropriate and that your friends were watching.

"I-I can't," he whimpered into your ear, a groan so sweet all over your body.

You leaned your head back and whispered up to his ear. "I know."

You pulled away from Nanami enough to do a three-step then reeled yourself back into your coworker. "I have something for you."

Nanami relished and dreaded the moment away from you, wanting nothing more than your body melded in his. He groaned into your ear when you returned, a question in his grunt.

You giggled lightly, reaching into your blouse for the strip of lace you'd tucked there upon arriving to the bar. You held the fabric over your middle finger, allowed Nanami's hand to slip it away from you.

Nanami ran his fingers over the fabric, knowing exactly what this was. His cock was indestructible then, hard and folded up against the zipper of his pants. He brought your panties to his nose and inhaled deeply, a low and disgusting sound that resounded beautifully in your ears.

"What do you want to do, Nanamin?" You asked coyly, pressing your ass a bit firmer against his hard bulge.

Kento shut his eyes as he took in a second long inhale of your panties, his other hand holding carefully onto yours.

"Let's find somewhere private," Nanami stressed against your ear.

You grinned softly, turning in the direction of Nanami's low voice. "Lead the way."

Kento waited a long moment, reaching between the two of you to adjust himself. He stuffed your panties into his pocket then pulled away with a low clearing of his throat.

He nodded carefully in the direction of the restroom and you followed his lead down the hallway. Kento looked over at the table with your coworkers, all of them occupied in one another, and grabbed your hand to exit out of the back door.

You slid out of the exit with him, wading in the back brick alley. You watched as Nanami looked down the length of the alley, surveying his surroundings before pushing you up to the nearest wall to the back door.

He used his knees to pry your legs open, watching your skirt wade up further. Nanami stared at your bare thighs, waiting to see the actual flash of your pussy but stopping himself.

He took grip of your jaw, leaning in and ready to kiss you. Nanami's thumb and index finger pressed into your cheeks, opening your mouth enough to stuff your panties in.

Your drool wetted at the lace, instantly tasting your wet from earlier in the day. Nanami smirk at your doe-eyed look, pressing his lips to your nose as his free hand reached down to swiftly put two fingers into your pussy.

You quivered, your eyelids flickering with your body jolting softly. Kento groaned at the feeling of you clenched around him, your soft walls throbbing, almost aching to be around him.

"You're messy, Y/N," Kento spat before your puckered lips, his chest hardened to keep his excitement at bay.

The sight of you, your eyes glistening in the alleyway light while your spit seeped from the corners of your mouth. Your panties stuffed so carelessly into your mouth, the lace falling on your chin.

"You've been wet since work," he stated matter-of-factly, reminiscing on the taste of you he'd licked from your chair.

Your breath caught, half-blinking at Nanami's statement before nodding. You'd smelled the faint musk of Nanami's cologne and thought of what it smelled like when he sweated.

Nanami slipped a third finger in, working you open as you squeezed your eyes shut at the intrusion. He huffed, planting his free hand on the brick wall beside your head and leaning in.

Nanami carefully rested his lips to your temple, massaging you with his three fingers effectively pushing in and out of you. He ignored your throbbing clit, an act that makes you buck at his thumb rested atop your slit.

"Patience," He hissed softly, pressing his hot crotch against your hip. "is a virtue. Learn it."

Nanami retracted a finger and you whined, feeling his digit line between your folds. He leaned in further, curling his fingers to your innermost wall.

"I want you to enjoy this, not find the release." He ordered, slowing his pace. "Do you understand?"

You nodded at him, your hands bracing the wall to not stop him. Opening your eyes, you met Kento's eyes as breathed methodically in and out of his nose.

When he sensed you'd calmed, Nanami resumed. He teasingly pumped his fingers into you, working his knuckles to make sure you'd be open and sopping for him.

He pulled his fingers out, dragging them along your innermost wall and earning a pulse of your pussy. Nanami looked down at his hand to find his shirt sleeve wet, your walls tightening around his digits rhythmically.

"Good girl," Nanami praised in his low-effort tone. He pulled his sleeve up and returned to his stance, pushing his two fingers back in.

Your eyes rolled as a muffled noise escaped through the lace, relaxing your body to let Nanami make work of it. His fingers, long and warm, were gentle against your pliant walls.

He'd imagined this scenario all day, Nanami wasn't ready to squander it for two minutes of flash-pan lust. He wanted to savor everything about you in this instance.

Nanami reached to undo his belt, still pumping his fingers into you. You watched him flip the leather strap from his belt loops with one hand, readily unclasp the metal hinge and pull it off with a single effective tug.

He stared at the belt in his hands, refastened the loop and urged it in the direction of your hands. You silently obliged his request, allowing him to slip the leather strap over your wrists then pull before folding it back between your tightened hands and knotting it with a final loop.

Nanami's effectiveness, while one-handed, was impressive to say the least. And his fingers still working you all the while was nothing short of excruciating.

You tensed at another soft press at your walls, your eyes crossing at the lick of heat blipped through your stomach in a half-life. Nanami shrugged off his suspenders, leaning his shoulder onto the brick before pressing his chest to yours.

He forced you closer to the wall, your legs spreading further to accommodate his large hand, his long fingers. Nanami cautiously unzipped his pants, undoing the button and shoving the waist of his briefs down to unveil his hard, already leaking cock.

"I've waited for this," he whispered, taking his hand back to pull your skirt up to your stomach.

The brick of the building bit into your ass, driving another low noise from you. Nanami's eyes raked down your body, going for the top button of your blouse and popping it free.

He went for the second one, planting his lips in its resting place against your chest, then the third before revealing your matching lacy bra. In his favorite color.

Nanami bit back the urge to pounce on you, continuing his marvel of your body underneath your office attire. He buried his face between your tits and breathes in, perversely lapping his tongue at the jeweled detail placed in the lace against your breastbone.

He selfishly sniffed at your skin there, running his tongue over the curve of your breasts before nudging his nose at the stiffened peaks tucked behind the peek-a-boo lace.

Nanami glanced up at you, saw your eyes now half-mast and descending into hunger. You wanted him so badly inside you, all over you. The thought of him made your skin itch and sizzle with his body being the cool ice to sate it.

He gnawed into the lace over your nipple, suckling and nibbling at the fabric over your tit before tearing it down with his teeth. Nanami kept your eyes as he sucked your nipple into his mouth, massaging at your breast with his wet lips while his tongue lashed over and over at you.

You trembled, choking in breaths through your panties while your pussy fluttered wildly. Nanami didn't relent, moving over to your other breast and doing the same all while tenderly caressing his cock with his free hand.

You couldn't help another buck of your hips, once again feeling the precipice nesting in the small of your back. Nanami bit at your nipple, earning another squirm from you. He widened his teeth and bit around your areola, earning your hips edging from his touch.

"Discipline is necessary towards pleasure, isn't it?" Nanami asked, not expecting a true answer from you. He towered over you, searching your eyes before pulling his fingers out fast.

The speed floored you, dropping your stomach as he brought his fingers up to admire your wet glistening on his fingers. Nanami ran his thumb over his tips, now wrinkled and pale from being inside you.

He took the time to clean his fingers, using his tongue to draw long stripes of your wet from his skin. You marveled at the curve of his tongue, his lips catching your wet and making them shine.

"But I fear I've left you waiting too long," Nanami whispered, taking grip of his cock and sliding his tip along your slit.

The hot press of his head touching your clit sent chills down your spine, the pre-cum from his tip mixed with the wet from your pussy.

Nanami slipped his cock between your thighs, sliding it closely against your wet. You pouted, feeling the twitching heat of him wedged between your legs.

He pressed his thumb to your folds, holding you open until he pushed his cock into you. The sudden flush of heat that came from his tip just inside you made you wiggle, his cock slowly drove into you.

You tried to bow forward, losing the strength in your knees; Nanami held you up, flushing his chest to yours as he bowed his head down.

You looked up at him, allowing Kento to rest his forehead against yours. He winded against your lips, heating up the drool and damp from your lace panties.

His cock pushed through you, filling you. He throbbed inside of you, twitching within your walls. Your skin broke out into a sweat, chewing on your panties in your mouth before pulling them into your mouth.

You begged for Kento's kiss, pouting your bottom lip out against his. You cried into the fabric, brushing your nose against his as he fucked into you slowly, rolling his hips against yours and out.

He grabbed at your thighs, lifting you up against him; your hands scraped against the brick, following the new scratches that dug into your ass.

"How do I feel?" Nanami asked against your mouth, taking each miniscule flicker of your eyes.

You mewed through your panties, your lips ghosting against his. Kento pecked your top lip, then your bottom lip before pulling at your panties with his teeth.

Each thrust felt better than his fingers, his cock bigger and longer than his digits. You rode into his pumps, leaning your head back against the wall; Kento took the opportunity to lick at your neck, slopping up the building sweat on your skin and suctioning at your collarbone and throat.

He felt that he'd be able to consume you, caging over you protectively while taking from you whatever you offered. Kento appreciated the frailty of you, so open with your hands tied behind you and willing with your panties stuffed in your mouth.

Nanami enjoyed deep down how you splayed before him, the filth that exuded you. He kissed up to your ear, then across your jaw before breathing against your lips again.

He paused in his thrusts to feel you speared on his cock, to feel you gushing over his waist and staining his dress pants. This was better than whatever he imagined at work; Nanami's mind couldn't come up with this scenario during his filthiest daydreams.

You whimpered on him, his length sheathing fully inside you; more wet gushed from you, feeling Kento pressed tightly inside you.

Nanami started his thrusts again, pulling you back onto him until your back stiffened and you scratched at the brick behind you.

You fervently dropped your head up and down, stopping and moaning through the fabric as you rested your forehead to Nanami's shoulder.

The orgasm tore through you, heating up the backs of your thighs; the scratches on your ass pricked further, your back scratching with the brick while you yoyo-ed between the rock of Nanami's cock and the hard place of the wall.

Nanami metered his pace, slowing again with each tighter push through your orgasming walls. He stuttered inside you, allowing your euphoria to pull him through his.

He forced your head up and moaned directly in your face, taking his teeth to tear your panties from your mouth and finally kissing you. Kento closed his arms around your head, pressing you tighter up to the wall.

When he came inside you, you jolted again. The speed of him shooting into you, pooling through you and bringing a new film of sweat over you.

Nanami ate at your lips, scoured and licked into your mouth as he relished in the new gush of warmth around him due to his cum. You were now delectable, much like any dessert with buttercream.

He continued until he caught his breath, releasing your legs to let you stand at the same time of pulling out of you. You felt the sluggy trail when Nanami's cock bowed out of you, your knees trembling at the weight after an orgasm.

"Sorry," Kento apologized, leaning in to kiss your shoulder. "I made a mess."

Before you could shake your head at him, tell him it was okay, Kento kneeled before you. With your thighs spread apart, Nanami stared up at you.

He carefully pulled your heel up to rest on his thigh, running his hand up your calf and further to the back of your knee. Nanami cooed at your skin, resting his cheek to your knee.

"Nanamin?" You questioned.

Nanami ignored your tone, looking up at you again as he shifted closer to you. He lolled his tongue out from his lips, timidly slipping his to the top of your slit.

You jerked away from his tongue. "Kento."

Nanami looked up at you, expectant and patient. "Y/N, let me clean you up."

You wiggled at his words, backing your hips into the brick wall again. "Y-you don't have to."

"I want to," Nanami stated plainly.

He moved closer to you again, licking at the top of your slit then down to your clit; his light pressure caused a ticklish feeling between your shoulders. Nanami kept your eyes as he dropped his tongue to line between your folds, lapping up his housed cum in you.

He carefully licked, prodding his tongue into you to suck more of his cum out. You folded your knuckles to your mouth, trying to keep your breath steady and not enjoy his intimate act more than that.

Nanami pulled back when he felt he'd gotten it all. He carefully stood up again, righting his still-hard cock into his pants then doing the same for your skirt.

He rested his hands at your waist, leaning in to kiss you. You shut your eyes softly, opened your mouth to receive his tongue and felt his spit dribble into you.

Nanami carefully shared his cum into your mouth, allowing you to taste yourself and him; the umami of your sex something to be savored.

You swallowed nervously, realizing what he was doing. You lolled your tongue back at Kento's, swirling your sex between your mouths before he parted to gulp down his half.

"Your taste is immaculate," he whispered before your lips, buttoning your shirt back up and tucking your breasts back into your bra.

"I should go," Kento said, undoing your wrists from your belt.

You rubbed at your wrists carefully as Nanami bent to pick up your panties from the dirty alleyway. He tucked them into his pocket, lined his belt back through its loops.

"Be careful getting home tonight," he warned sweetly, resting his hand to your jaw to pet at it. "Call me if you need me."

You bowed into this man, watching as he slicked his perfect hair back into its set style. Nanami searched your once again doe-eyes, swooning inside by the whole swap from sex kitten to touch-starved in the blink of an eye.

"Okay," you offered, taking grip of his wrist to kiss the meat of his palm.

Nanami pulled back from you, grabbed the door to the bar and held it open for you to walk back in. He followed behind you back to the main area and grabbed his suit jacket along with his keys.

He politely excused himself to your work friends, glancing to see you duck into the bathroom. Walking out of the bar, he narrowed his eyes at the strange men that ogled you earlier and made memory of their faces.

-

Walking into his apartment, Nanami pointedly kicked his shoes off at the front door and straightened them against the wall. He hung his tie on the back of the door along with his suit jacket.

Kento moved around his apartment in the motions: putting soiled clothes into the hamper, dirty dishes in the dishwasher and straightening up his king-size bed.

He showered, changed into his jinbei and slipped into his slippers. Kento brushed his teeth, made himself a cup of tea, and grabbed the book he'd been working on for the past week.

Shuffling to bed, he turned on his nightlight and climbed in. Folding the comforter over his waist, Nanami flipped open his book to the last page he left off.

He scanned over the words, still going back to the day he'd had. Nanami couldn't lie that his cock was sore from being rubbed raw.

He blinked slowly, pinching at the bridge of his nose with a groan.

From his place in bed, he heard the front door handle jiggle. Nanami sat up, ready to get out of bed as it opened softly then shut again.

He raised a brow and folded his book to his lap to see you, leaning against the doorway.

You held your heels in your hand, having had three extra drinks after Nanami left.

"Hey baby," you grinned drunkenly, dropping your heels to the floor and shuffling to the bed. You folded your body over the plush bed, the pillow-soft comforter cool against your cheek.

"Hi honey," Nanami smiled, folding his book closed. "How was work?"

You hummed, pulling yourself onto all fours and crawling over to your husband. "It was so good, you were so good."

He spared a dry chuckle at you, watching as you curled sideways in the bed, resting your head in his lap. "You were too. Do you want me to run you a bath?"

You shook your head, shutting your eyes. Nanami grabbed at his teacup, holding it out for you to take.

"Take a sip, sweetheart," Nanami urged softly, bending his knee to sit you up on his thigh.

You did so, hiding a roll of your eyes. You set the cup out for Nanami to take back, which he did as he leaned down to peck your lips.

"Did you get cuts from that wall?" he asked, ready to take care of you as you curled further into his lap.

Your eyes fluttered, shaking your head as you tucked closer to Nanami's stomach. "Hold me."

"Anything for you, my love."

[campbyler]

What are Mike and Will’s top three artists? (Idk if you’ve mentioned it before sorryy)

oooh i don’t think we’ve named specific favorites for them before!! i don’t know if we’ll be able to just name Three (edit: coming back to proofread after typing out this ask. i did not just name Three), bc to me acswy mike and will both have pretty varied music tastes — i think they’d both listen to a lot of different genres and artists, especially music that their friends/family/assorted loved ones introduce them to that might not be something they’d usually go for.

mike: we did mention in ch2 that mike has a demon days poster above his bed in the blue cabin, and while i don’t think gorillaz is one of his Favorite groups by any means, i do think he 1. listens to them a lot while driving specifically and 2. just reallyyyy loves their album art. to me mike is also such a pop punk enjoyer, so i think some of his go-tos include bands like all time low and paramore and blink-182, probably with a little midwest emo thrown in bc the boy did literallyyyyy grow up in indiana. i do also think he has a soft spot for feel-good pop, especially boyband music like 1D and BTR, and i think 5sos is not technically a boyband (or that they don’t like to be called one? iirc? maybe?) but i think he would listen to them quite a bit as well! really and truly i think mike would just like a little bit of everything, and his fav artists probably rotate a lot depending on his mood.

will: always a jeff buckley enthusiast across universes to meeeee, and the clear answers here are also the cure/the clash and other oldies rock OBVIOUSLYYYY but i think he would also totally dabble in typical 2020s Male Manipulator Music lol with likeeeee peach pit and the backseat lovers and the strokes especially. i think he’d also be into midwest emo (cannot escape his fate), and maybe also deftones and ptv a little bit (<- self indulgent and me projecting but i am not sorry). i think he also has a soft spot for pop, but not really in the same way mike does — for example, el definitely makes him listen to a lot of carly rae jepsen and the like when they’re together, and he also has a lot of good memories of listening to older pop songs with his mom when he was younger! like. he hits shuffle on his liked songs and it’s destiny’s child followed by radiohead followed by jenny by studio killers. he contains multitudes i’m afraid

[never-fair]

phoenix || regulus x you

In the quiet area of your tattoo parlor, you carefully worked on a stunning piece of art onto a paper near you, ecstatic when you finally figured out what to add onto a tattoo on your client's skin.

Little did you know that your life was about to take an unexpected turn, for better or for worse, you were about to find out—one that would match two lonely souls together. You and Regulus Black.

The door to your quaint little shop swung open, and a tall man stepped into the shop. His whole demeanor intrigued you. His clothes were sleek yet looked almost comfortable. He carried himself nicely. Maybe a businessman, you thought.

Yet there was something in his deep dark eyes that made your stomach curl up into itself. For some reason, a glint in his eyes showed fear and vulnerability. You brushed it aside, you were never good at reading people anyways.

With a warm smile, you approached Regulus, ready to offer your help to the man in front of you. "Welcome. How can I assist you today?" you asked him, tying your hair up, the rubber band in your mouth.

Regulus's voice was laced with both determination and- embarrassment? "I'm here to cover this up" he said, his voice quivering a bit as he pulled his sleeve up, showcasing his forearm.

You blinked. Then blinked again.

Your heart swelled with admiration for his courage to start up against the death eaters and you softly smiled taking his name.

Nodding in understanding, you guided him to a comfortable chair in front of a mirror.

"Anything you had in mind?" you asked him as he sat down in the chair in front of you.

"Anything to hide it" he nodded at you, making eye contact with you for about 5 seconds before staring back at the floor, blush crawling up his neck.

As you prepared your tools, the air around you both was silent but comfortable. Your hands moved the needle with precision and experience. You didn't only pigment his skin, but his heart as well. Each stroke of the sharp needle was done with care and signified one more chain broken from the death eaters by Regulus.

As you were concentrating on the tattoo, a question suddenly popped into your head.

"Why?" you asked him bluntly, quickly shaking your head and ducking your head back down, ashamed at what you had just asked.

"It's alright, love. I want to leave my past behind and embrace a new chapter,' he said and shrugged, quietly apologizing as you almost messed up the art on his skin.

As the transformation unfolded, Regulus watched intently, his gaze locked on the masterpiece. The skull morphing into the head of a bird on his forearm. The dark mark faded away slowly, wings taking its place-a phoenix rising from the ashes of the mark, its wings ablaze with vibrant colors of red and yellow.

Regulus's eyes widened in awe, his jaw dropping ever so slightly, allowing a deep breath to fill his lungs before squeezing his eyes shut. A mixture of disbelief and gratitude coursed through his veins. "It's... incredible," he whispered, rotating his arm, his voice filled with wonder.

You smiled, feeling a profound connection blossoming between you. "It represents your journey, Regulus" you said, trying his name out on your tongue. It was quite charming.

"The phoenix symbolizes rebirth. You've become a new person" you said but slightly cringed at the second sentence. How would he feel knowing that some random stranger was guessing things about him.

Fortunately, Regulus nodded.

Regulus's fingers grazed the fresh ink, and as he looked up, his eyes met yours, a spark of something more than gratitude for the art flickering between you. "Thank you," he murmured, his voice sincere and soft.

After Regulus had almost paid for the tattoo (you insisted it was on the house), you sat back down, continuing the art.

You noticed something was off with the picture though. A small number was written on the top of the page. A phone number. You internally squealed and smiled softly.

But there was something else too. The picture was now fully finished, a completed butterfly lying on the page in front of you.

He completed the picture. Just like how he completed you.

[rainycat2]

dare not say that a man forgets sooner; i have loved none but you

The Dead on Main fanfic I promised. AO3 link here! First chapter is short.

(Edit 3/6/23 for clarity)

Chapter One: The Invite

Constantine knew that, on occasion, he had the seemingly-supernatural ability to get himself into some really, truly, utterly bonkers situations. Being a magician in the first place would be a good starting place, much less having effectively escaped death itself by selling his soul sixty ways to Sunday. 

But this?

This was the shit frosting on the particularly radioactive, glowing-green shit cake.

Really, his day had been going pretty well before all of this happened. Comparatively. There hadn’t been any major crises or bullshit that he’d been dragged into, or forced to consult on. The only thing on his docket was the meeting at the Watchtower he was being “asked” to “advise” on, regarding a JLD matter that had the potential to need the daylight League. See, he knew it wasn’t necessary, but the damn Bat was so paranoid he’d jump at a shadow if it so much as flickered the wrong way, so. 

Watchtower it was.

The meeting had progressed relatively normally, to his relief, but close to the end, right when he’d started considering actually lighting the cigarette that dangled between his teeth, right when he’d started properly zoning out… power zipped down his spine, shocking him into sitting straight up. Cold shot down his arms, gooseflesh rising at the sensation as he blinked, then cursed. Captain Marvel shot up as well, looking around like he’d been hit over the head with a pan.

Death magic.

“Get back from the table, you bloody-!” Before he could even finish the curse, a glowing green hole in goddamned reality ripped open in front of his eyes, hovering above the table. It hurt to look at, frankly, the sickly neon green turning to black to green to purple to white to green-- 

Augh, Jesus. He tore his eyes away before the not-fully-in-reality hole could melt his brain. “Don’t look at the damn thing,” he barked, shielding his eyes slightly with a hand.

“What is it,” Bats growled, every line in his posture screaming defense, tenseness, ready to fight.

“It’s-”

A sharp, comical, almost cartoonish pop hit their ears, once again cutting the Brit off as two envelopes fluttered to the meeting room table, the hole in reality just. Disappearing. There one second, gone the next before he could even process. 

Constantine sighed heavily, taking a long, long swig from the flask tucked into his coat pocket before he examined the letter, noting the swirling black script addressed to him. Well, nothing really to lose, he noted, picking it up and breaking the seal quickly.

To John Constantine, Tenant of the House of Mystery, Master of the Arcane Arts, Deceiver of Death, and all other titles that he Lay Claim to;

His High Majesty of the Infinite Realms, of Purgatory, of the Underworld and all other names through History and Time, High King Daniel Phantom, Balance of Life and Death, Champion of All, Ancient of Space, requests your presence at the upcoming Samhain Ball. 

Attire is black-tie, masks are optional, and weapons are restricted. All souls upon acceptance of this invitation shall be bound to an oath of peace for the duration of the Ball, which shall last one Earth day, twenty-four hours, or one rotation of the Planet Earth orbiting Sol in the Milky Way Galaxy.

Accommodations for all who request it shall be made in the King’s Keep in the Infinite Realms, with travel, food, and all other necessary needs provided. 

The Samhain Ball is dated to October 31st, 20XX to the early morning of November 1st, 20XX. 

Please either accept or decline this invitation by October 5th, 20XX so the appropriate accommodations can be arranged.

-Their Excellency, Ancient of Time, Former Consort of King Pariah Dark, Advisor to the King, Lord Clockwork of the Infinite Realms

“...shit."

[penroseparticle]

music asks!! 12, 22, and 29

I think songs from preteens and childhood can be revealing but they're hard to remember, at least for me. I wasn't very attentive, and I have shit memory in general but especially recently due to like. Depression reasons. So I did my best but they're a little generic. Sorry!

12. A song from your preteen years

Complicated, by Avril Lavigne. If there's ever been a song about the melodramatic feeling that you are so misunderstood and feeling things that are too big, it's this song. It's so classically 2000s.

I feel differently now about it. Like. Why is it such a problem to try to be something else? Why can't people try things on, be a different person for a day. Show me a permanent state of self, right? People are... complicated. I think there's something kind of interesting now that I have a consideration for the perspective of this song (Why is my friend being weird) and the exact inverse perspective (Why isn't my friend letting me try things or change. Why aren't they supporting me).

It's new and hard and scary to be someone else! From the outside, people feel too comfortable passing judgement on it too. It's not easy to see yourself and try to make a change! But eventually, one day, you discover that you're not trying anymore. Changes are gradual and they're always alien at first. Awkward and fledgling and hard, especially because everyone's a critic these days, right.

But at the same time. When you're a teenager. Your friend changing can be the end of your life. And Avril isn't seeing this internal struggle. She's seeing an authentic person she likes "being fake".

I dunno, it's not that deep, but nothing is and I like snorkeling in puddles.

The song is just as you remember it. Extremely sawed-off guitar riffs, classic pop-punk stylings. Maybe with a little more 2000's ~cringe~ (charm. You are looking for the word charm, guys. If it's not your tastes it's not cringe it's just not your taste) than you remembered. The backing vocals are like. 40% opacity and they could really be pumped up to around 60%. It's got sad girl Kelly Clarkson Breakaway vibes. It's the best.

22. A song that moves you forward

We're gonna go with another cardio playlist song- I Want You by Icona Pop ft. Galantis.

I think Icona Pop didn't have as long in the cultural limelight here in the states they deserved! I Love It was the hit it deserved to be but I think that I love Club Romantech MUCH better album than This Is... Icona Pop. I know there's been 10 years of growth as artists and my ear is trained to like current music by... well, current music, and yadda yadda yadda but like. They have also just been quietly making good music the whole time!!! Where is their critical aclaim!!! They're a Swedish Pop Duo, they're making good music in Sweden. But like. I'm a greedy American. I listen to foreign music all the time!!! Yelle, Cambodian Space Project, Coterie, Garcon Garcon, Dadi Freyr, Maluma, Bad Bunny, Ikimono Gakari, Twice... there's tons of things in heavy rotation that aren't in English. Icona Pop sings in English!!!! (So do some of the listed artists too, fyi. Great first forays into non-american stuff)

The sad part of being a human being with finite time is that you can't have it all. Not to wax poetic about electropop, but you will never encounter every song you would have loved. You can't even listen to every song that was released this year in your life time. There is just not enough time in the world and there are 8 billion people making art. There were 34 million songs uploaded to Spotify in 2022. That would take 129 years straight of listening to hear them all, assuming every song was 2 minutes long (laughable to assume, are you kidding me).

So there's like, the idea that you will not hear it all. And you're not going to like everything you hear either. You might as well give up on hearing it all and only listen to things you really like.

Except. I don't know. I think it sucks! I want better for us. I wish I had more time or more attention or the world wasn't quite so big. I DO want to hear the weird stuff, and decide if I like it or not. I like the idea of curation, certainly, but if my collection is always lacking, biased, not expansive enough. Is there any point?

This is why people specialize, I know it. But that means I need to start collecting specialists like infinity gems, and now- I like having a broad taste- the first level curator. Saying oh you llike this genre, try X and Y and Z. But if you do find any of that to your taste, I can't dig you further without losing my broad dilettante tastes. So You should talk to genre expert X.

A lot to say, and almost none about Icona Pop, really. Listen I like Swedish Electronic Pop, I played DDR for years. Icona Pop has good production, they know their sound and they do it well. The Galantis feature was overkill- I know I love everything Galantis touches but Icona Pop was enough. This song makes me want to do HIIT exercises, that's how much it gets the blood moving. And I Hate Interval Training. Literally kill me instead.

The song has a like. 90's trance feel but with better Synths and a more modern build structure. The vocals are smooth, the synth less harsh. But the overarching synth pattern is very similar. I dunno, it's got a timelessness to it. Some touches of 35 years ago are still here, and I think that's beautiful. And of course, the whole album has some pull from other locations- Loving You Ain't Easy feels much more in the Acid Jazz/berlioz direction, and true trance would be slower. I Want You feels uptempo without actually being crazy high bpm. 123? That's nothing, I can hit a running stride to that.

Great song.

29. A song that you remember from your childhood

You Get What You Give by New Radicals. Do you ever have a song that just. Teleports you back to childhood? I guess that's kind of the point of asks like this. What do I remember from childhood. But I didn't realize this song was still with me, actually. I saw it right there in my spotify on repeat playlist. Here's the embarrassing truth- the version I have in my spotify library is Get What You Give by Felix Cartal. It's a laughably simple cover/port to a 2010's electronic feel. Very "What if The Chainsmokers was doing Now That's What I Call Music covers". Look I never said my tastes were GOOD just that they were broad.

SO yeah, New Radicals. Here's a fun thing- can you name another song by them? I can't. And I'm usually good about one hit wonders- I loved Lou Bega so I can name a couple other songs. I Got A Girl, Tricky Tricky, Baby Keep Smiling. New Radicals? Ghosts in my head. I didn't even find this album (I was like 10 at the time, of course I didn't. I was too busy being "in" "love" with Janet Jackson), I know them from the Now 2 cd we would play in the car.

It's funny, dovetailing directly into Now That's What I Call Music, because I kind of think that surface level curation is what I was describing in the Icona Pop section. Now was kind of the CD equivalent of a top 40 snapshot, and I kind of dig it because even if I don't agree with the music on them, I can't help but begrudgingly accept it WAS popular at the time. And this song was on the second one ever? Nestled right between Britney Spears and Robbie WIlliams (Millenium sucks, fight me).

Now 1 had some much more interesting music in my opinion (Flagpole Sitta, Zoot Suit Riot, Sex and Candy, Barbie Girl) but this song was the GOAT for me. The Baz Luhrman spoken word thing at the end of the CD was also enamorous to me sure but we know I'm a weirdo who likes essentially slam poetry with a backing drum. Let's focus on being a bleeding heart romantic. Because. Did you know. And this is top secret info be discrete here. Did you know?

You've got the music in you.

Fuck, I'm a caricature. This song still gets me misty. YOU. YOU HAVE THE MUSIC IN YOU. It's still there. One dance left. This time you're gonna pull through.

So it's a sappy music finger trap for bleeding hearts like me. Saying stay alive, it's been in you all along, etc. etc. You have music in you, go forth, create.

Ok but what if, and hear me out. What if creating means changing who you are. What if creating feels weird and fake and inauthentic (And to loop us all the way around. What if your friends just don't understaaaaand ok. What if Avril Lavigne is helping make this point too now. What if.)

What if the music in you requires something to break first.

New Radicals only made the one album- they broke up shortly after that. I sometimes wish they'd done more, but I can't describe why I like this song either, because. It objectively kinda sucks??? The piano is repetitive and doesn't add much to the song. The drums are anemic and not dynamic enough. The guitar is good but not noteworthy. The lyrics are schmaltzy and cute but the delivery is pretty one note. The intro is iconic but then the rest of the song doesn't incorporate any of those elements again. The call and response in the chorus is missing... something. It should be fuller? Everyone's a critic these days

I don't know man. It just gives me that big feeling. It says something real. I like it. I was 10.

In some ways I'll never not be 10 though. Right? We will always be ourselves. Don't forget- you've always got yourself. You might as well make your peace with it.

So here's to songs that remind me of when I was 10, yeah? I hope you like it.

[urlocalnonbinarybastardwrites]

Hii! This is for your ship asks! I love the detail and dedication you put into these, they scratch that hyper fixation itch soo well and your writing is just- Mwa!

For Sawyers (TCM) please :]

Sexuality/pronouns: I go by She/Her (cis), I’m bisexual and on the grayace spectrum, but definitely open to sex. My preference leans towards men, but masc woman rev me up as well lol.

Appearance: I’m 5’2”, 101Ibs, slender, somewhat androgynous build with little curves. I have curly short brown hair, falling a little past my ears. My face is soft and rounded with a sharp-ish jaw line. I would say I'm average but I'm called pretty. My eyes are down turned and blue. My style changes on a whim but mostly I rotate between grunge and an earthy hippie witch style (?) imagine white flowing dresses, earth tones, and pendents lol. Will sometimes wear a binder with more masc outfits, it just gives me joy. Makeup is usually very little day to day, sometimes going for a heavy eyeliner look. I’ve got a good amount of piercings, 3 on each ear, 1 nostril ring, a septum piercing, a vertical labret, and nipple piercings soon to come haha.

Personality: I’m can be very anxious and avoidant when meeting new people but once I’m comfortable I’m a such silly freak weirdo lmao. I overthink a lot due to anxiety. I’ve got a decent vocabulary and enjoy have long existential talks every once in a while. I looove parallel play and should probably mention I have ADHD. Conflicts can be hard for me and I usually go out of my way to avoid them, so I can appear as a pushover- but If I’m pissed I make it known. I love art and I’m decently skilled in it, having been drawing my entire life. I would say my love languages are touch and gift giving, I’ll straight up roll on bitches I love loll, and they’ll be getting so many drawings from me. I love horror movies, trying new foods, coffee, teas, animals, any outdoor activities, the Summer, cuddling, art, talking about special interests, and music (listen to a lot of different stuff- 90’s and 70’s rock, phonk, metal, pop, classical.)

Hobbies: drawing, painting, swimming, hiking, reading, yoga, gaming, watching TV shows, trying new things, listening to music, occasionally smoking pot with friends. Sorry if this was TMI!! Take a much time as you want, I understand you have a buttload of these to do already. And thank you in advance!!

Your TCM ship: Bubba Sawyer

 OK I think that he would love you and your kind of short stature and more androgynous look. I think you would think that your grunge style is extremely cool and I think that all of that would just kind of attract him to you. I mean, we all know that twitch in the movies is kind of more less feminine kind of more androgynous energy. I get from her and she is significantly shorter than him. I feel like that’s kind of, something he would be into so I feel like he would be attracted to you and that aspect and then your personality. I think you would find very endearing and I feel like he’s really anxious when he meets new people too. I mean a lot of people don’t realize I think that he just has a lot of anxiety and especially because he knows he would want to make you feel as welcome as possible because he really is like that with people he cares about. I think he would also find your piercings so cool. (And hot) you guys also are both very conflict avoiding so that’s another thing that I think would work out kind of well for you as long as you kind of acknowledge it when it comes I feel like you guys would have very few conflict in your relationship fighting wise because he’s generally a very agreeable person. I could also totally see you guys. Going on cute dates together and it’s Canon that there’s a small little lake by the Sawyer house so I feel like he would sometimes take you there on a very secluded day or something like that and also he would love if you painted him like a few, painted him at all or something like a flower, he liked or anything like that and gave it to him as a present it would be his new prize possession like he would carry everywhere he would just be so in love with it or if you painted on his mask. He loves receiving things half as much as he loves giving. Anyway, I just think you guys would be very cute together.



[theambivalentagender]

I love your comic!! What inspired you to share Zekes story?

There's a lot to this answer so buckle up.

I've always been a writer, ever since I was a little kid telling stories has been my entire life's goal. But its been a struggle, and for a long time I've felt kinda lost in trying to survive taking soul sucking desk jobs. It honestly destroyed any desire I had to create.

And then at the beginning of 2022 I got abruptly fired (for what I don't think are honest reasons but that's another story). And then I found myself just not being able to land a new job no matter what I did - I worked in a tech-adjacent industry and know others in similar positions also have had these issues. Weeks turned into months, and my mental health took a nosedive.

That summer I noticed one of my long time close friends kept popping up on steam playing Stardew Valley at odd hours in the morning. I'd heard of the game before, I loved farming sims, and I really needed a distraction. So I finally bought it.

Long story short, several hours into the game this motherfucker hits me up with this line:

So you can imagine what that did to my psyche. I got so god damn invested in the game. Like I do with any game, I started modding the crap out of it, mostly to add more lines for Shane. And then I found myself imagining my own little story with my farmer.

For a good while this was just a dumb headcanon story I had every time I played Stardew. But then I found myself actually plotting things out, connecting different aspects of SDV that were "unexplained" or "implied" with the story I was developing in my head. And then I realized - I was making a story again. I was feeling the exact same way I used to feel when I would plan out and write a play, or a short story, or one of my many unfinished novels. It was such a good feeling, and I started coming around to the idea that I shouldn't just keep this story in my head.

I dealt with a lot of self doubt over it of course. The last time I wrote anything like fanfiction was when I was 10 and it was a HP fanfic where I misspelled Slytherin in five different ways. Some part of me felt like it would be wasting time because I wouldn't make money off of it. Another part of me worried I'd be mocked for writing an entire self-indulgent story about a borderline self-insert character romancing a grumpy pixel man, when I was nearly 30 living in an apartment with a long term partner and shouldn't be doing such *childish things*.

I lurked around the SDV fandom for a long time before actually posting anything, and seeing other people, often people close to my own age, doing exactly what I was afraid of because fuck it, we're adults and we get to decide what that means, really helped. It also helped to see a positive community praising and supporting creators of all skill levels.

As for the money thing, I ended up "justifying" it to myself that if I made myself draw just about every day working on the comic (since I had decided to make it a comic rather than a fanfic), that would help me bring my art skills up to par with my writing skills. And, well, it would probably help my mental health if I had something productive to work on while I still looked for a job, because there's only so many times you can rotate between various video games.

I honestly didn't expect the comic to get as much attention as it has. But I told myself even if nobody cared about it, I'd make it for the one person who wanted to see this story play out - me.

[wardingoffevil]

Oliver as a Dad

I feel like if there was ever a more patient and nurturing man, it would be Oliver. As a father, that shines through. I do not see him having a huge family (like Bruno, James, Jake, Gary, Bobby). One to two kids would be his ideal family size. His first born is a girl and his second is a boy.

🌺 When his two kids were born, Oliver didn’t sob, but he did cry. He was almost scared to touch them because they were so small compared to him. He was scared he’d break them. But once they looked up into his eyes, he was smitten. No love could ever compare to the love he has for his children.

🌺 Oliver as a girl dad is incredibly sweet. He tries to be strong with her, but she is so much like him that he can’t resist when she gives him her big brown eyes. He sees so much of himself in her. She has all of his mannerisms and quirks. She is Oliver’s little twin.

🌺 Oliver as a boy dad is energetic! His son keeps him on his toes, and always pushing boundaries. You’d think his daughter would be that way, but no, his son is his complete opposite. He’s always getting into something. Cannot leave him alone for a second! Dandelion gets exhausted being his partner in crime.

🌺 He loves reading bedtime stories!

🌺 Breakfast is a busy time in this household. Food cooking, people rushing around, it gets crazy. Oliver likes to be the one cooking. He makes breakfast every single morning before work and school. Includes little pictures he drew in the kids’ lunch boxes, too.

🌺 Dandelion rotates sleeping in the kids’ rooms. She likes to check up on them through the night. She’s their cat-mom. And she is insanely protective of them. No one messes with her human babies. 🐈

🌺 Oliver actually gets along with his kids as teenagers. He’s laid back and pretty easy-going. He knows when to give them space. He’s not quite up on a lot of the trends, in which case his kids will kindly educate him.

🌺 His daughter’s friends have crushes on him and his son’s friends are intimidated by him (at first). He thinks it’s funny.

🌺 Oliver is Southeast Asian, so he loves to teach his kids all about his culture. He’s very proud of that. He likes to make a traditional dish a few times a week for dinner, and invite his nan over. He’s very close with her.

🌺 As a tattoo artist, Oliver’s kids have been hanging out at the shop since they were newborns. His daughter actually wants to follow in his footsteps, and would love to be his apprentice. She’s insanely gifted at art and can draw anything that pops into her head. Her specialty is portraits. Oliver’s proud to teach her everything he knows. His son would “rather die than work here…” (actual quote from him).

🌺 Bruno got his first tattoo by Oliver, and they frequently hang out at each other’s houses. Their families are pretty close. Every now and then Will and Kobi hangs out with them, too.

🌺 Oliver’s parenting style is just vibing and going with the flow. He has raised his kids to be genuinely good people. He is a proud father, and encourages them daily to chase their dreams. No matter what happens in life, he will always stand right beside his children and guide them. He melts my heart so much.

I haven’t played Oliver’s route, so please don’t attack me if things are wrong! I hope all the Oliver stans enjoy some wholesome dad content. Thank you, @libelle949, for recommending him! If you want some spicy NSFW HC’s on Ollie, Suzi has some for him here. 🖤

[monstress]

                        Favorite 2022 Korean Album Releases

khamat — hunjiya

this album is sonically so so beautiful! the r&b-pop hybrid is trendy (which can be a strength and a weakness) but this album has amazing build up that i cannot ignore. the narrative of zillennial’s blustery self-assuredness with the tracks all in capital letters - ending with last month’s rent in lowercase as the dawning realization of adulthood and growing out of friends and your childhood home. yeah...i’ll drink to that. the best engineered album of the year.

neap paradise — shin hae gyeong

one of my faveeee rock releases of the year. the arrangement of this album is so pleasing as you delve longer and longer in its psychedelic soundscape. it’s also a little reminiscent of korean indie sounds in the early 2010s which mayhaps colored my bias to this album. in addition, there are sooo many individual hooks across this album: when the guitar solo ripssss in Vandalism? the toy laugh at the end of Kaleidoscope? the descending chords in My Chronos? *chefs kiss*

piece of space — kaiavant

this album is soooo sexy...like how can you make marimba in the opening track sound alluring? she did it though! speaking about a shattered, unstable relationship, this alt-r&b is splendidly built and shows so much potential for kaiavant. the track woo hoo (feat. kid milli) is a star. if you’re a fan of bibi’s sound, do check her out!

evergray — jiwoo

his previous album ‘esprit’ got him on my to watch list and he delivered this year!! moody, introspective, and downbeat, this album is wonderful for those searching for a slow night and jiwoo’s voice perfectly emulates the toxicity of lust, love, and breakups. like a dark curtain of rain, it ensconced you in the melodrama if you let it.

nameless things — xeuda

decided to check this album since it was co-produced by cacophony and it didn’t disappoint! if you decide to listen to this album in one sitting, it’s so artful at how it slowly unravels from being defensive in sharing to you the true nature of its artist (her anxiety) and slowly opens up to a crescendo of a frenzy and ends like a grey cast in the aftermath of a storm.

life goes on — orange flavored cigarettes

might be a ~vibey entry to the list but the funk production flares (the underwater effect in kontrast, the reverb in that’s all i want) makes it distinct against its similar bands. this was in constant rotation for the summer for the slow summer nights with its ambient vocals. highly rec check out their other 2022 singles, especially noah.

a.k.a YAYA — yaya kim

this is an insaneeeee album from start to finish. with 33 tracks (yes that’s right!!!!), this album is indulgent, effusive, and operatic in its splendor. it’s magnificent, dark, and seductive which completely matches yaya kim’s husky voice. a concept album for a noir film that doesn’t exist, if you will. from the opening track, it asks you to let down your apprehension and enjoy the velvet-textured, wonderfully performed ride to its completion.

damage — kim doeon

i do love me some experimental albums and this album introduced me to the delightful name of the genre ‘folktronica’. while it’s more ambient than what i prefer, i’ve had this album on replay to able to parse something new with each listen. it’s soooo funky, fresh, and pleasant and it’s production is very evocative of a charming indie pixel game. Green Screen is my fave track of the year.

ㅠㅠ — gonggonggoo009

when this album starts, it does not let up! it’s 40 mins long album and uses it  expeditiously and excellently. the tracks are delightfully groovy at times, addictive in a few, and GOES HARD that you will not fatigued by the end of the runtime. and i know the man has become persona non grata (for good, good reasons) but it will be remiss not to mention the influence of kanye’s my beautiful dark twisted fantasy in this album’s production (the tracks monster, walk and polar bear are pretty obvious - and no, it’s not just because of the autotune). however, as the album goes on it does evolve to take on more of kendrick’s work (concentration is the best track imo). fave khh album of the year, don’t miss out.

♡ ♡ ♡ 

honorable mentions: all of ive’s singles, conch’s hurry up!, kwon eun bi’s lethality, slom’s weather report, rocket punch’s flash, bibi’s lowlife princess: noir, youha’s love you more, newjeans’ hype boy, baek yerin’s pisces, lucid fall’s voice beside guitar, dpr ian’s moodswings in to order

[mrs-dr-reid]

My Personal Steve Rogers Headcanons

Part 1/?

The first time he went to a grocery store post-Capsicle, he very nearly had a public meltdown when he saw what 70 years of inflation did to the prices

He always makes “Back in my day…” statements unironically mainly to annoy Tony, and once Bucky comes back he joins in and Tony very nearly has an aneurysm because “Oh dear god, there’s two of them”

He loves taking you on walks in Brooklyn and showing you all the places he frequented growing up, and is sometimes pleasantly surprised when a place from his childhood barely changed at all since the 40s

He volunteers at the VA as an art therapy instructor when he has spare time, because he found that drawing and painting really helped him relax when his PTSD decided to aggressively announce its presence

He is very happy when record players and vinyls start coming back into fashion, and he’s especially happy because Bucky’s sister Rebecca put all of their stuff in a storage unit when they went MIA, and among their old stuff was his 1940s record player and the milk carton he kept all of his records in, which meant he didn’t have to go out and rebuy his entire collection

He loves going to Central Park in the fall and looking at all the leaves change color, and you even buy him a Polaroid camera so he can take pictures

To help him get caught up on modern pop culture, you pick a new show or movie to watch with him every couple of weeks, and most of them are early 2000s comedy-dramas and chick flicks (he liked Mean Girls a lot more than you thought he would, and now he unironically yells “SHE DOESN’T EVEN GO HERE” whenever there's an alien invasion)

He’s obsessed with Broadway. Back in the 40s, he only really knew about “Anything Goes”, “Oklahoma!”, and “Kiss Me, Kate”, but now that he’s in the present, he makes it his goal to see at least one new musical every couple of months, either on stage if it can be afforded, or the pro-shot or movie adaptation. His newly-discovered favorites are Newsies and Hamilton, but he is also a big fan of Wicked

He likes learning about potentially useless information that he doesn’t really need to know for the hell of it. No, he doesn’t need to know who invented aerosol cans, but he wants to, and who’s gonna stop him from learning about it?

He was genuinely befuddled the first time he rode in a modern car, and not even a fancy one like Tony's Audi R8 Spyder. Nat took him for a drive in a 2009 Nissan Altima once and he spent the first ten minutes messing with the seat mover buttons

A gentleman above all else. He opens doors for you, pulls out your chair when you go out to eat, gives you his hand to help you out of cars or down stairs, and will give you his arm whenever you're walking anywhere together, because Sarah raised him right, aiight?

When he learned about Dapper Day at Disneyland, he immediately dropped everything and borderline extorted Tony into arranging a trip to California for the team so they could go. You two go as Duchess and O'Malley from The Aristocats, and you almost die because of how good he looks in his outfit

For a while he thinks voice-to-text and voice notes work like telegrams did, so for a while you receive voice notes of him yelling "HI Y/N STOP ARE WE STILL ON FOR DINNER TONIGHT STOP I LOVE YOU STOP" until Tony finally sits him down and explains how it works, so then you start receiving normal texts and voice notes

He loves stargazing, but since he lives in modern New York he barely gets to see the stars anymore because of all the light pollution, so a few times a month you drive him a couple hours away from the city, and you just lay down in the grass somewhere and watch the stars together

He is very fond of board games. So much so that he insists on a weekly Board Game Night with the team. Monopoly was kicked out of the rotation because of a Code Green after Bruce caught Tony trying to steal money from the bank eight times in a row, and then he still won, but the most popular games are Clue and Sorry

He doesn't understand the obsession with true crime. He does however very much enjoy procedural dramas like Grey's Anatomy, 9-1-1, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and Criminal Minds. He thinks they're interesting

He absolutely hates being cold. One time the heat went out in your apartment, and you came home to find him on your couch wrapped up in every single blanket you owned while grumpily watching Legally Blonde

He’s borderline addicted to flannels and Henley shirts. Like, you open his closet and he has one in every color of the rainbow. I mean, the man looks good in a flannel or a Henley so you’re not mad about it, but it’s becoming a teeny bit excessive

[alexis-royce]

Goro Majima, 1, 2, 12, 23 and 26

Goro Majima, 1, 2, 12, 23 and 26

Yes yes YESSSS

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

I started with Zero, then Kiwami, and I think just being exposed to Majima is enough?!

But seriously, I love grubby, unpredictable guys who live life on their own terms. He’s also super funny and he knows it; when misfortune happens to him, it’s not just okay to laugh, but he’d be insulted if you didn’t.

I’m glad they walked back a little of his cruelty from Kiwami, but I can’t say I wholly dislike his characterization. He’s a funky little guy who understands the genre of his life and absolutely bless him for it.

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

The fact that his men adore him. Majima is violent and unpredictable, but he’s loving life on his own terms, and the way that unrestrained freedom has also charmed people inside the game is a delight.

Also uh. The live-action film isn’t good across the board but uh. Uhm. Majima and the informant? That scene where you think he’s torturing the guy, but then you realize that they just kind of…speak the same language?

Majima’s relationship with pain is. It’s good.

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

I’d say ‘dressing as Goromi awoke something in him,’ but he does add that to his regular costume rotation, so I’m not sure that it’s entirely a headcanon.

So instead I’m gonna say that sometimes Nishida and the boys just gotta go up to like Hokkaido on a whim to pick up that discontinued conditioner for the boss’ Goromi wig because Kiryu ripped it off and threw it into the gutter by accident the last time they were fighting because he forgot it wasn’t Majima’s real hair and he tried to pause the fight to apologize but Majima didn’t fucking care he was out of his MIND on FIGHT RUSH and kicked Kiryu in the jaw mid-apology but now it’s three days later and Majima has actually processed what happened to his favorite wig and he’s real cheesed about it, pissed off y’know?! Kiryu-can is footin’ the bill for this one, he’s payin’ for the deep restorative conditioning treatment, and if he don’t like it-

Well. Guess he’ll have to fight Majima over the bill.

23. Favorite picture of this character?

If you’re a Majima fan, you’re never at a loss for fanart. I think that this art of Goromi by Stephanie Kao might be my favorite though?

This screenshot is incredible in context, though:

26. FREEBIE QUESTION!!

The Majima everywhere feature is just about my favorite mechanic in the history of gaming. It’s so funny. I didn’t advance the story in Kiwami until I had to in order to get more Majima. Majima adores Kiryu. He looks up to him, and is absolutely ecstatic to get to fight him and be near him.

This is another example of a video game mechanic transferring emotionally to the player, and it hit hard for me: I’m not good at video games, and I played Zero on easy, fumbling through my button presses and barely beating it, gaining a little confidence.

But the whole POINT of Majima Everywhere is that he wants to see you Git Gud, he’s building up your skills and he wants to have his ass kicked! Do you know what an incentive that is? To have a cool and funny guy popping out of nowhere to go “POP QUIZ ROYCE DUKES UP NOW”

I didn’t know at the time, but it was so gender affirming to learn how to brawl in a video game, to learn combos and to react faster. Speeding up my mental reaction time was also astonishingly good for my mental health, too.

If you want to get better at video games in general, and Majima makes you smile even a little, I cannot recommend Kiwami enough.

[rabbitechoes]

january is usually a pretty meh month when it comes to bunch of great records dropping, but this january might be an exception. plenty of amazing new albums here! especially that new glass beach record which i can already tell is going to be in my rotation for a long time to come. anyways, here are my thoughts on all the albums listed above! to check out my thoughts on some of the songs that dropped this month click here!!! also feel free to follow me on rate your music and twitter <3

plastic death - glass beach

🥇 ALBUM OF THE MONTH

◇ genres: indie rock, art rock, progressive rock I was very unfamiliar with glass beach. I was kinda aware of them, but never really got a chance to dive into the band's music. The hype both leading up to the album and from the first initial impressions of it when it dropped made me check this out. I'm so glad I did. Usually, I'm a bit weary of sprawling, genre-bending albums, but glass beach manages to execute it so perfectly. The band takes inspiration from tons of different places, most notably Radiohead with a lot of art rock instrumentation throughout as well as some of the vocal performances. These never come off as super derivative or anything, at least to my ears. The band manages to take these sounds and shape them into something uniquely theirs. Across the little over an hour runtime glass beach masterfully showcases their strong suits. Very rarely did this album ever lose my attention or ever feel disjointed. Each song had at least one "oh, I wasn't expecting that" moment too. Pretty much every sonic detour the band takes here is a welcome surprise. From the power pop stylings of "puppy" to the screamo-inspired vocals on “slip under the door", this album is full of so many surprises. Lead vocalist and multi-instrumentalist J is a key reason why these shifts work so well. She's able to adapt her voice perfectly to everything. From the relatively smaller-scale catchy indie rock or the more grand proggy moments, they're matching it so well. The other members of the band also obviously deserve massive props for this as well. Pulling off an album this ambitious is a tall task, but even after multiple listens, I'm blown away at how cohesive it all sounds. plastic death is one of the finest rock (for lack of a better descriptor) albums in recent memory. I didn't even properly get into how great the lyricism is or just how good the band is at crafting memorable hooks. There is so much to love about this album. Hopefully I'm not speaking too soon, but I can see myself loving this more and more in future listens as the year rolls on. I'll probably also end up giving this a proper, in-depth write-up when it comes time to compile my favorite albums of the year list. I really wanna dive into the lyricism on the album because I think it’s really interesting, but I do need more time with it. Anyway, this album is great!

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Wall of Eyes - The Smile

◇ genres: art rock, post-rock

Not too long after The Smile's debut record, we're getting the follow-up. A lot of the things I loved about A Light for Attracting Attention also apply to Wall of Eyes. It sounds like Thom Yorke and Jonny Greenwood are having fun making music again. That's not to say the last Radiohead record was bad, I think it's a masterpiece actually, but there was grief and pain around every corner. It feels like they found the fun in making music again once they teamed up with former Sons of Kemet drummer Tom Skinner and formed this band. The sounds featured on both The Smile records are a bit different than what you would hear from any of their previous work. As a MASSIVE Radiohead fan, this is so exciting. Hearing them dive into post-rock, math rock, krautrock, and many different other sounds is so cool. Are they the best representation of all these sounds? Not really, but there's just an air of excitement surrounding these songs. It feels like they're just following what feels right. The soft, bossa nova flavoring of the title track is a good example of that. Yorke's vocals just kinda bounce along in a very satisfying way. Lyrically the song doesn't exactly grab you, but it just feels so good. "Under Our Pillows" is one of my favorite tracks here and is one where you can hear the Krautrock influence. There are so many cool things the band explores here that it's hard to list all of my favorite moments. I love hearing them explore sounds that wouldn't be found on a Radiohead album. My favorite track here is "Bending Hectic" by a pretty wide margin. That's not a knock on the record at all, it's just a testament to how amazing this track is. When it first dropped last summer, I was obsessed with it, and hearing it in the context of this record makes it that much better. This was a really great album!

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

ORQUÍDEAS - Kali Uchis

◇ genres: contemporary R&B, latin pop

Like a lot of people, my first introduction to Kali Uchis was through Tyler, the Creator's Flower Boy. Her amazing feature on "See You Again", the album's biggest track, was incredible and one of the most standout things about the entire album. From there I listened to Isolation and have been keeping up with her new releases ever since. She has been incredibly consistent both with her English language albums and her Spanish albums. This new record is one of the latter and it honestly might be my favorite album of hers to date. Everything about this album is just intoxicating. From the hazy opener, "¿Cómo así?, to the bolero stylings of "Te mata", this album just pulls everything off so well. We also have her signature dreamy vocal delivery throughout and it's so beautiful. Most notable on the second song "Me pongo loca." She enlists the help of some other big Latin musicians here and their presence is very welcome here. I was especially impressed by Peso Pluma's feature on the third track. Overall, ORQUÍDEAS might be Kali Uchis' best record to date. Incredibly consistent, excellently produced, and so much fun to listen to.

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Obsidian Wreath - Infant Island

◇ genres: screamo, post-metal I always feel the need to make a disclaimer that I feel out of my depth when discussing metal or most other subgenres of it. No matter how much I explore this sound I always feel like I'm on the outside looking in. Anyway, the point is, I don't think I'm the right person to go to for metal opinions. However, I really enjoyed this new Infant Island record. The band shifts from thundering instrumentation with growled vocals to lush, almost atmospheric instrumentation at a moment's notice. I find myself being a big fan of the albums in this genre that offer a decent amount of variety in the instrumentation. It gives the album so much more depth and texture. The musicianship on here is really impressive, but I have to give a special shoutout to the band's drummer. He's doing some crazy things on this album and it made all of these tracks that much more compelling. The lyricism here is what you would expect, but they're delivered in such a way that hits hard. The moments where the band shift into a more blackgaze sound are particularly arresting. I thought this was really good and I enjoy it more every time I revisit it.

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Bicycle - Patricia Taxxon

◇ genre: IDM I'm not super familiar with Patricia Taxxon's music overall. I enjoyed Agnes & Hilda a decent amount, but besides that, I'm kinda clueless. From what I can gather, she's a pretty prolific artist with a ton of different projects to her name. After hearing Bicycle, I might be so inclined as to dive into some of those projects! There are some really cool and unique production choices here. Like the metallic clicks on the opener interwoven with some nice synths. That dynamic appears all over the album come to think of it. Thin-sounding snaps and crackles acting as the anchor of the track while something wild happens above it. "Frat Claws" is a great example of this. They also work well on the excellent closer "I Do." It's very lush and ties the album up in such a nice way. My only issues are that sometimes that sound would wear thin for me and the non-instrumental tracks didn't interest me all that much. I do appreciate the direction Taxxon was trying to take them in though. Check this one out if you like cool electronic music or if you're a furry (i may be both or neither, i'll never tell!!!)

listen here: Apple Music (not available) Spotify (not available) Bandcamp SoundCloud (not available) YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Keep It Goin Xav - Xaviersobased

genres: jerk rap, cloud rap, plugg

I found out about this mixtape from the really interesting Pitchfork review of the project by Alphonse Pierre. The way Pierre wrote about it had me interested even though I'm not really familiar with the jerk rap or the plugg scenes of hip hop. Fortunately, I found a lot to enjoy with this mixtape. The production choices were really interesting and created a cool dynamic with Xavier's often lackadaisical delivery. Sometimes that kind of style would wear thin for me, but I can see that being a me thing. This could be the perfect "vibe" album for some.

It's hard to single out a specific track for that reason. Everything kinda flows together in both good and bad ways. The just under 30-minute runtime works in the project's favor because of that. Xavier is really good at making earworms though. The hook on "Ascend" was stuck in my head for days after listening. Not every track has one of those super memorable hooks, which is disappointing, but plenty do. Overall, I didn't adore it as much as Pierre did in his review, but this is one to check out. I feel like Xavier has a ton of potential and is definitely someone to keep an eye on in the future. 

listen here: Apple Music (not available) Spotify (not available) Bandcamp (not available) SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Little Rope - Sleater-Kinney

◇ genre: indie rock To preface this, I adore Sleater-Kinney. Their run of albums from Dig Me Out through The Woods is some of the finest indie rock of all time. The band went on hiatus following that record and then returned in 2014 for the run they're on currently. I've heard very mixed things about these post-hiatus albums overall, but I hadn't heard any of them until Little Rope. I enjoyed some of the singles leading up to this record, like "Hell" and "Say It Like You Mean It", but the rest of the album fails to keep that energy going. It isn't a BAD album by any means, it's just ... fine. Occasionally good, but mostly fine and nothing more. You will get some glimpses of their former glory, but they just never take these songs in any new directions. Even the tracks I mentioned earlier don't really live up to the standards set by their best work. They still get super fuzzy and noisy, but they lack the immediacy and the tension of like "The Fox" for example. It feels like they're going through the motions, which sounds fine if you don't think about it too much. A bit disappointed by this one, but with its brief runtime it's worth a shot.

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

It's Sorted - Cheekface

◇ genres: geek rock, indie rock, new wave

I feel very conflicted about this album, to be honest. Everything on this album is painfully witty. Everything is a joke in some way which gets so exhausting. Most of the songs here are charming and well-performed, but you have to be very, very funny to pull off a full album of this stuff and I don’t think Cheekface pulled it off here. I understand that’s a very subjective thing and if you dig this late-millennial style of humor you’ll probably get a kick out of this!

Some of these songs are pretty amusing though. I really like “I Am Continuing to Do My Thing” which features a jerky, new-wave rhythm to it which I had fun with. I also enjoyed "Popular 2" which has a bit of a power pop thing going on. Most of these songs are structured decently well, but it's just the lyrics that make me roll my eyes. A good bit of this album meditates on fame and success which does provide a sense of cohesion, but I just find it hard for me to really connect with these songs. I realized a few songs in that I'm probably not the target audience for this. I'm sure if I was like 30 or so I would have a ball with this album, but as it stands now I would much rather listen to a They Might Be Giants album if I wanted to scratch the itch this record is attempting to. 

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud (not available) YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

New Last Name - Courting

◇ genres: post-punk revival, indie rock

This is such a big step down from their last album. I only heard the single "Flex" going into New Last Name and it's easily the best track here. The rest of the album features the big choruses reminiscent of 90s alt-rock hits that were present on both the band's previous album Guitar Music and the aforementioned "Flex", but unlike those most of the songs on the whole are just one big mess. The verses usually sound bad, both because of the off-putting production and the weak writing. One of the worst offenders here is "We Look Good Together (Big Words)" which sounds like they're doing a parody of The 1975 and I really don't like The 1975!!! That track features one of the few forays into indietronica territory and it never sounds very good. Even if the song structure and almost everything else is lacking, the band can still pull off a really good chorus here and there. The problem is they aren't worth sitting through the rest of the tracks to get through. Besides "Flex", I did find some enjoyment in "Emily G" and the last two tracks. Mostly because they reminded me of their last album. I'm all for bands evolving and trying different things, but New Last Name just feels misguided. Hoping they can come together for a better follow-up.

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Saviors - Green Day

◇ genres: alternative rock, pop punk

Green Day has been in a very rough spot for quite a while now. They've been seemingly unable to recapture that "magic" that was present in their earlier work. They've been failing at diving into new sounds, failing to rehash the old ones in an interesting way, and failing to make a single great cohesive album ever since like 2009. Coming on the heels of perhaps their worst record to date, Father of All, the expectations for this album were in the mud and that's putting it nicely. Fortunately, this isn't the band at their worst, but it might be the band at their most boring. The instrumentation is a return to form compared to their last record, but that comes at the cost of rehashing old ideas. There are some decently clever songwriting moments here and a lot of the big choruses are enjoyable enough to at least remind me why middle school Caleb loved this band so much, but even that works against the album's favor. Why would I listen to this if I was in a Green Day mood and not Dookie or American Idiot or Insomniac? I will say there is some really good stuff here. "Dilemma", "Look Ma, No Brains!", and the title track are highlights and some of the best stuff they've done in years. 

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Letter to Self - Sprints

◇ genres: garage punk, post-punk Let me preface this by saying that I think Sprints has a ton of potential. Unfortunately their debut, for the most part, doesn't capitalize on that potential. This is for a variety of reasons. For starters, the production of this record really doesn't do them any favors. The songs that SHOULD have a punch don't have any whatsoever. The noisy guitars lack the bite that they should have and mostly just kinda whimper along. The vocals are mixed decently, but they still sound far too clean for what I think the band was going for. Another big issue is the actual songs themselves. They're either complete non-starters, or they abruptly end as they're picking up steam, or they drive a hook straight into the ground. The second track "Heavy" is a key example of a song being cut off way too abruptly. It's one of the standout tracks on the record, but it definitely still had some legs. "Adore Adore Adore" is pretty easily the biggest highlight here. It's groovy, the vocals are good, and the chorus is satisfying ... more of this, please!!! I wanted to love this album, but it has way too many flaws. Still, I have high hopes for the Dublin rockers. Saddle them up with a better producer for the next one and see how it goes!!!

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

INSANO - Kid Cudi

◇ genres: pop rap, trap

I really want the best for Kid Cudi. Man on the Moon: The End of Day is legitimately one of the most influential hip hop records of the 2000s. You can hear its influence throughout the 2010s, especially in the emo-rap scene. Unfortunately, pretty much every record he's released since then has been a massive step down from that record (besides the relatively big bright spot in KIDS SEE GHOSTS). INSANO continues that trend, but to an almost embarrassing degree. He enlists DJ Drama to try and hype these tracks up, but even he can't save this thing. The production and beats on this album are the exact opposite of what the album title suggests. They're so painfully boring and Cudi's writing here is, as I said earlier, embarrassing. Cudi proudly raps on the opener "Why they love these raps, haha, to most of these lames I'm Papa." which is just so fucking embarrassing. That's the one word I can use to describe this record. I hope the next one will be good, but judging by this album and his track record overall, that doesn't seem likely.

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ thank u for reading :3

[purplesurveys]

1588

How are we already due for another round of year-in-recap surveys? 2022 has seriously felt like one of the quickest years.

First things first, did you have a good year? To be completely honest, it felt like such a business-as-usual year. Not a lot of highs, but definitely no big lows either. I feel like it’s because I was fresh off a pretty big promotion at the start of 2022, so the rest of the year just panned out as an adjustment period and I was largely kept to prioritizing that. Badly put, my work ate up much of my life this year out of fear of fucking up.

How old did you turn this year? I turned 24.

Do you feel your age? I’d say I’m coming around, yeah. As much as I feel regretful that I put work first out of so many things, I’m still thankful for the blatant growth it gave me. I’ve become a lot more confident and comfortable in handling bigger responsibilities and dealing with people from all walks of life, which I was actually starting to worry about because at 23 I still had been a little anxious talking to people. That’s all out of the window now and I’m feeling pretty proud of that.

Did your appearance change in anyway? Definitely. I bleached and dyed my entire head twice this year and have started to experiment with a much more different fashion style, one that has had me wearing more oversized shirts and looser pants (gotta thank K-pop for that...)

In any case, these changes in appearance has also ended up being a massive confidence boost for me. I pose and smile more widely in photos now.

Post your favorite selfie. ...But one thing I’m not gonna do is share more of my face on here lol.

If you traveled, where did you go? Eh, not so much. Just out-of-town trips here and there; I went to Zambales twice earlier this year, then to Batangas a week ago. I’m pretty sure my dad booked an accommodation in Zambales this Christmas  – the first for the rest of my family this year, and the third for me haha.

Which fashion trends did you love? Which fashion trends did you hate? The Y2K thing that the Gen Zs are doing feels a bit too outlandish for me...not really a fan of the thin braids and space buns and sparkly everything. But on the other side of things I have taken a liking to streetwear. Big fan of oversized fits.

What was your favorite article of clothing this year? Post a pic if possible? These Korean-style trouser pants I got a few weeks ago - bought them in salmon and olive and they’ve been fitting really well on me. I also love the puff-sleeve, square neck dress I got which has been perfect for the beach.

What song sums up this year for you? everythingoes by RM. Still confused why that song never made an appearance on my Spotify Wrapped when I played that shit without fail at least every Sunday evening lol. Break My Soul by Beyoncé also served as an anthem.

What album came out and has been on heavy rotation since then? I had three favorite albums this year: Renaissance by Beyoncé, Jack in the Box by J-Hope, and Indigo by RM (the latter EASILY ranking first).

What was your favorite movie of the year? I did not watch any 2022 movies.

Did an actor/actress catch your attention for the first time this year? No, I don’t really keep up with the film space now.

Favorite new TV show? The most striking series I watched had been Our Beloved Summer, but I never got to finish it as I soon started getting busy and stressed with work lol.

Which new ship/fandom has taken over a lot of your time, attention, and tears? No new fandoms, I’m still securely locked in Bangtan world hahaha. I have gotten more into Seventeen, Le Sserafim, and NewJeans but I wouldn’t say I’ve settled in their respective fandoms; I’m a casual listener of the three at best.

What food did you try for the first time? Oh goodness, so many. I’ve tried Swiss food, local Batangueño dishes and delicacies, and have been to restaurants that I used to just fantasize dining at.

Did you make any big permanent changes this year? Wouldn’t say so. Did you develop a new obsession? Art galleries. I used to exclusively go to historical museums before this year.

Did you vote? ‘Course I did.

Did you move? Nope.

Did you get a job? No, I’ve been in the same company since 2020.

Did you get a pet? I lost and gained a pet. We got Agi this April, then we lost Kimi last June.

Do you regret not doing anything? Not volunteering at the National Museum when they opened up slots for it. Do you regret doing something? Hm, not really.

Have you done anything that scared you? Lots of things. “If you’re comfortable, you’re doing it wrong,” is a great phrase I picked up recently and has helped me want to try out new things, especially if they’re out of my comfort zone.

Did anyone/thing make you so mad it stayed with you for days? Eh, just work-related things and all the times I had to sacrifice parts of my personal life for commitments/deliverables that wouldn’t have mattered in a month’s time. I was never able to grieve properly over Kimi because his death happened in the midst of this stupid stupid stupid major event my client was poorly handling.

Did you lose anyone close to you? Kimi, June 10. Also the reason I will probably always have a bittersweet relationship with Proof, which was released the same day. I remember not having the strength to listen to For Youth and Yet to Come for months.

Did you fall in love? Nope, that’s not happening any time soon.

Did you fall out of love? I did not.

Did you start a new relationship? No.

Did you go through a break up? No, don’t really want to go through all that trouble ever again. Waste of time.

Did you have to cut ties to someone? Not explicitly, but I feel like this is slowly happening with a certain side of my relatives. That family has been through some messy shit and I can feel that they’ve distanced themselves from the rest of us.  Who was important to you this year but wasn’t important last year? I don’t think there’s such a person. My circle stayed the same for the most part.

Who wasn’t as important to you this year as they were last year? ^ Same.

What was the best moment of the year for you? What was the worst? Busan concert was seriously SO much fun and I do not regret going as big as I did with all the preps and food. I mean I had a feeling they were going to announce enlistment right after (what else was gonna come after??), so I did what I could to at least make mine and my friends’ last memory of the boys til 2025 an unforgettable one.

Worst was when I lost Kimi, and when my mom was dealing with her medical emergency at the start of the year.

What are you most proud of accomplishing? Lasting a year as a manager.

What have you learned about yourself this year that you didn’t know in the years prior? That I prefer going to new places on my own and thrive on digging out great conversations with strangers/new people along the way. 

What do you wish for yourself for the coming year? More chances to explore the world and myself. I’m no longer wishing for big and grand things; I just wanna keep learning as I go.

[mapsofnonexistentplaces]

QUESTION TIME !!! any recent game or movie recs you’d like to give ?? i know youre a big prog rock guy but are there any other genres you like or any bands/artists u feel dont fit under the prog descriptor that you enjoy a lot ? & maybe somebodys asked this before but i would love to know if you have any inspirations for ccsimulacrum ? i mean just in general but i would also really love to know how you came up with the name specifically !

ALRIIIIGHT much to talk about! lets bite into it

friends and i have been noting down some movies though we haven’t watched any of them and are simply going off of reviews and images. earlier tonight we found a movie called zardoz from 1974 which looks like complete shit and i’m so excited to see it

in terms of games i’ve been rotating a couple! discovered i’m just very fond of roguelikes and Number Go Up games so naturally i’ve been insane about balatro. i also played vampire survivors ages ago back when the mobile port came out but i decided to get the desktop version literally yesterday because i miss playing that game and it’s a bit better on my eyes on the wide screen hah. have also been playing a lot of darkest dungeon. uhhh i’ve also recently checked out a handful of games that have just like. incredible art direction but are a bit all over the place regarding genre so rapid fire round of that: blasphemous, where the water tastes like wine and the shrouded isle. have also been getting into them’s fighting herds that’s a very fun fighting game to learn :+)

QUESTION 2 for genres i’d say i hang around adjacent genres quite a lot, big into math rock especially. i’m also big into prog pop but that overlaps so much with prog rock i hardly think it counts hah. otherwise i like most other kinds of like. ‘quick and dirty’ metal. like power metal thrash etc. however leaving the realm of rock i fucking love jazz (and jazz fusion. goes without saying) and funk, also new wave though i’m picky with that shit, and have also been slowly delving into both afrobeat and italo disco LOL i’m a simple man who loves good baselines more than god what can i say

with regards to specific artists, i think the biggest non prog rock one for me is everything everything HOWEVER their main designation is art rock which is basically just prog rock and i do very much consider them progressive pop so lol. otherwise hmmm…. there’s this one moldovan band called zdob și zdub that i’ve been really into lately and uh rule of thumb for most romanian/moldovan bands is that they’ve GOTTA throw in some traditional folk instruments so it’s kind of just. weird eastern european folk rock. it’s funny. similarly rubycone is a moldovan math rock band that does a little bit of that shit but they’re actually fairly based in like. more english conventions of both lyrics and the genre itself. very interesting to listen to

bringing up jazz fusion again one of my favorite bands in there is acoustic ladyland real good shit. oh also i’m not like. the most well versed with any kind of electronic music, i’m actually very picky with stuff esp if it’s meant to be more listenable than danceable but osamu sato’s music is extremely evocative to me and i love it a lot

special mention also goes to talking heads i’ve had a lot of their songs on my rotation recently but after learning of the remain in light 2020s tours with adrian belew singing for part of the sets i’ve just been like. way more smitten with those versions than anything with byrne in there hah. take a listen

AS FOR THE CCS QUESTION. god i could literally talk about that shit all day and i absolutely have when it comes to minute character references and whatnot but to speak about inspirations for the story broadly….

i started writing it in the midst of getting into the coheed and cambria album ‘the afterman’ which is about a guy travelling into space to investigate a series of planets that end up hosting the dead souls of everybody in the world. something roughly like that. and then also when i was getting into psychonauts! so the two kind of crossed in my mind to form a story about a kid with great magical prowess who usurps a space journey to save people from something, and as i furnished the concept and made it more ‘its own thing’ and changed it into a space train instead of a spaceship, made the space train actually go into a place between dimensions rather than space, and then i decided it’d be more interesting to have the train itself be a point of conflict rather than something external. and i also added a lot of interpersonal drama and themes of communication and character interaction that resembled psychonauts’ a lot, since that was the most memorable and charming part of the game to me

i’ve wanted to write about this point in the past and kept forgetting but initially the main conflict centered around some kind of cosmic serpent that wanted to kill everyone and dalisay was going to bargain with it. uhhh and there was a very blunt side plot about the spaceships being advertised as ‘cruises’ of some kind that were in fact intentionally made by rich people to supply the serpent with sacrifices. it ended up feeling very determinist and impersonal so i did away with a lot of that and instead framed the story around the concept of voluntary isolation and the idea of being an ‘outcast’ in society and the ways people may try to refute that or fall into that role…. a lot of those ideas are kind of just natural philosophies i’ve argued with myself about over the years as an extremely schizoid guy and they’re themes i feel are very uhhh. inaccessible? just not talked about or represented in a lot of media. but it’s something that hits home very hard and if my story’s like one of the only stories to depict the schizoid dilemma in a non-clinical fashion i’m pleased

i have all kinds of things to mention about the development of the narrative but honestly i’ve been thinking about just making an actual little zine or something detailing the various changes in the plot and why i made them + more detailed pointing out of inspirations. from the beginning i’ve preserved a lot of old documents and a lot of old variations of them entirely for the sake of revisiting early ideas and tracking progress so im excited to put that to work :+) we’ll see! but for now getting into how i makes the thing

i actually have a complete record of the process! basically what i did was just note down the names of various things i liked that had very pleasant names, not necessarily informative ones (which was an intentional choice — i wanted ccs to sound like the title of an overdone pompous concept album!) and i tried to brainstorm similar titles based on the word order, syllable structure, etc of those titles while also reeling in some tangential concepts that i felt were cool. and then once i had enough of them i whittled down those ideas into smaller and smaller groups until i eventually just had one title i liked best

first i want to note that ‘trainstory’ as a title is part of the tradition i have of just naming new projects very simple two-word descriptive titles, and i often still use those as ‘informal’ names for said projects. among others i have are wizardworld (corpusmancy) and moldaviaworld (argent rattle LOL)

i wrote the top and bottom lists out first and then slotted the titles list in the middle, to sort of visualise the mixture of the two. i was initially trying to think of words relating to retro technology, navigation, and human incoherency, ambiguity, attitude, etc. i think simulacrum stood out to me because initially i conceived of ccs as a game that was very. busy and complicated in terms of being a communication based jrpg with characters changing their regard of you quickly and doing things like lying, etc etc it was just meant to convey the flighty changes in the human mind and then it ended up being very appropriate when it became a story about technological progression and artificial life and ghosts and shit. and also matched the setting from the get-go since i always wanted it to have the basic principle of ‘yeah, it’s the future and people everywhere are trying to emulate retro fashion and architectural styles’

there was a mild fixation with blood and circulation at first? i wasn’t feeling it though, obviously. also i’m never really fond of just giving a project a one word name partially because i dont want to make searching for things a pain in the ass and also because i like the novelty of nonsense word salad names that sound cool. as you can clearly tell from the fact i like prog rock and also kurt vonnegut novels

i’m still fond of stage one simulacrum honestly, but i think that sounded far more scientific for my taste, which was also the problem with ice cold simulacrum. i think with that one i realised i wanted something that’d relate to dalisay’s weather theming, so i remembered the term ‘cold case’ existed and i thought it was appropriate considering the story dealt with the unsolved mystery of the fornax train while also being a pun on being a ‘cold’ case. like snow or something. and then i just tossed the word simulacrum on there and called it a day, which is a lazy way to put it but it is basically all there is. uhhh i’m very fond of it now though, ccs is a snappy acronym and the c in the middle of simulacrum does just give the whole thing a nice rhythm

that’s all i got this successfully tired me 🫡 hitting the hay now thank youuu