#lyrics are such a pain to add kill me

[kitty-meowskers]

AVENTURINE EDIT!!!! WOOOO

the song is RISK, RISK, RISK! - Jhariah and very recomended

[chewysgummies]

Randomly thinking if I should add this to the killbot 86 playlist ngl

[vblehhhhhhh]

Once you had a nightmare And then it came to pass Grey is the sky in the morning Green is the grass covering the grave

[sleepystede]

Something I spent way too long thinking about during my 56382944th rewatch, in regards to a very specific line that Ed says in episode 1 of S2:

I'm the fucking devil and these are the kids.

I've always casually thought it might be song lyrics that went over my head (we see Ed using lyrics a lot - like the whole, "here I go again on my own" sequence), but it's not--

Ed craves death. He wants the crew to kill him. And despite Ed never stepping as fully into a parental figure with his crew, he sees that modeled from Stede and no doubt he thought about it.

If the crew are Ed's kids, and if the first person Ed ever killed was HIS DAD for being horribly abusive (devilish behavior)--

Ed is embodying qualities he saw in his dad in hopes of the crew finally killing him.

This adds another layer of reasons Ed experiences so much guilt when he comes back from the gravy basket. He deeply UNDERSTANDS the pain the crew feels, the agony that led them to make that decision.

He gets it because he lived it.

Forgiving himself for these horrible deeds also means forgiving little Ed for what he did to protect himself and his mother.

There's also the more surface-level meaning of "son of the devil" archetype, with the crew being presented as just as devious as the devil himself. But this analysis doesn't sit with me as deeply as Ed=embodying his dad.

[eros-vigilante]

The Many References in Teniwoha's Samsa

If you haven't read "The Metamorphosis" by Franz Kafka, the one thing you likely know about the short story is that in it a man turns into a bug. And this is enough to recognize the allusion of Samsa being named after the protagonist, Gregor Samsa, as well as the imagery of a dragging tail and onomatopoeia of "zuki". However, there are several deeper layers to Teniwoha's symbolism of themes and references to "The Metamorphosis" that add a great level of cohesion with Immiscible Discord's story. First, I would like to say that "The Metamorphosis" can be found as a free pdf online, and is a very good short story, so if you have the time and energy you should read it. This post will only be summarizing the themes that are referenced in Samsa and Immiscible Discord and will not include some of the other great commentaries Franz Kafka has. And of course, it will spoil the progression of the plot. Also, all quoted lyrics are from Amiaryllis' english cover, which is also very good and worth listening to. The lyrics will not be quoted in order.

The biggest and first theme the surrealist nature of the story expresses is that Gregor Samsa has been led to - and does - believe that his worth is tied to his ability to work. When he discovers he is a bug, he is only concerned because he is going to be late for his job if he cannot figure out how to get out of bed in his new body. He is determined to go to work because his entire family relies on his job to pay for their lives. ("i've grown monstrous down to the very core of my soul") This is comparable to Mafuyu's relationship to academics. Their mother relies on them to fulfill her dream of Mafuyu becoming a doctor, and so teaches them that nothing matters as much as this goal. Even when Mafuyu is stressed or physically ill, they push themselves to attend school, club activities, cram school, and study. Mafuyu's academic performance is their worth to their mother, as Samsa's income is his worth to his family. ("so could the bravest of souls face me and bear the toll?") When Samsa's family discovers he is an insect, they are horrified. Samsa finds this reasonable as he also considers his form monstrous. It is another theme of the story being from his perspective that he has good faith in his family to the point of seeming either naive or to have a low self-esteem. Actions that are most easily justified as disgust and hatred are rationalized by him, despite acknowledging at points that his family was not as affectionate to him after they began relying on him for money, as well as acts of physical violence such as his father shoving him back into his room.

("those painful fights, fearful nights") This is an interesting thing to compare to Mafuyu's experience of being gaslit by their mother. They believe very strongly- because they were told- that everything their mother is doing is for them, their future, and is in their best interests. This prevents them from questioning her actions and sacrificing their own desires in a self-destructive manner, which is also something Samsa does. For instance, he hides himself with a bedsheet so his sister does not have to see him when she brings him food, despite him finding this uncomfortable. ("craving any smile or attention just from you") Samsa's sister is the only one who still shows affection towards him, as she is the one who brings him food, but eventually she too festers fear towards and dehumanizes him. By the end of the story, the entire family blames their despair on him becoming an insect and no longer believe he is Gregor Samsa. The most direct reference to the story in the lyrics is when his father throws apples at him and has to be stopped from killing him by his wife, Gregor's mother. He crawls back into his room and he is locked inside. ("i beg, don’t throw those rotten apples at my chest before they lock up, lock up samsa") This could best reference when Kaito says that Mafuyu's mother is killing their feelings or true identity. Additionally, Mafuyu's mother places all blame for Mafuyu's recent behavior on Kanade's influence. And as the family plans for their life after his death, Mafuyu's mother tells Kanade that she plans to convince Mafuyu to go back to doing what she wants, no matter how extreme she must be about it. ("if it all goes to plan, then, we’ll soon rejoice") In the end, Gregor Samsa stops eating, and dies of starvation. All the while, he still thinks fondly of his family and believes they are in the right for their treatment of him. Gregor Samsa is used to form a strong representation of the extent to which Mafuyu has been gaslit. ("so please don't tell me that you'll be giving up on reality, samsa") The biggest difference (other than the bug transformation) is that Mafuyu has people who still dearly care about them, and not just for what they can provide. While all of Gregor Samsa's family abandons him, the other members of Nightcord do not abandon Mafuyu. Mafuyu has a reason to live, and people to tell them that they do not deserve to be locked away. ("i know that brilliant light will shine as the clock strikes 25")

He could already hardly feel the decayed apple in his back or the inflamed area around it, which was entirely covered in white dust. He thought back of his family with emotion and love. If it was possible, he felt that he must go away even more strongly than his sister. He remained in this state of empty and peaceful rumination until he heard the clock tower strike three in the morning. He watched as it slowly began to get light everywhere outside the window too. Then, without his willing it, his head sank down completely, and his last breath flowed weakly from his nostrils (Franz Kafka).

[ouabhs]

acftl review (finally)

I give it a 3 ⭐️ (as much as it pains me) even then it’s only this high bc I love evajacks so much

so I was finally able to gather my thoughts into one post and while there were many things I enjoyed a few others didn’t sit right..

1. the whole story curse thing.. it makes sense that the story curse would twist things which is why some things were left unexplained but it doesn’t feel like it was done deliberately?? it just felt like stephanie genuinely didn’t know how to tie some things together.. like sure not every single thing needs an explanation but she emphasised certain things wayyy too much in the first two books for them to be completely ignored for example evajacks talking to each other in their minds. Even the broken heart scar wasn’t addressed again after like halfway through acftl

2. too much apollo.. sorry this is not even just me being biased or whatever like I do agree his pov helped explain the plot from a different perspective but he got wayyy more of a backstory and a conclusion to his character than jacks for a someone that wasn’t as present in the last 2 books.. and this was supposed to be jacks’ series kinda (ik it was evangelines too) but I feel like jacks got sidelined hard and that’s disappointing. It also didn’t help that whenever there was an intense scene between evajacks the pov would switch to apollo.. to be fair I think having 3 povs was just hard to execute in general

3. the kiss scene.. usually it would not be a big deal but it’s a big part of jacks character that he can’t kiss girls without killing them idk I thought him finally getting to kiss evangeline would be a lot more… grand? they barely got a page or any detail and then the next chapter was “once upon a time there was kissing and more kissing 🥰🥰” which was even more underwhelming. Even apollo and evangelines kiss scenes were longer and more detailed and they got multiple

4. the overall vibe of the 3rd book felt very different to the first two I couldn’t put my finger on it at first but I feel like it had something to do with the writing.. at some parts it felt familiar (like all the descriptions and the fairytale aspects) but others it just felt different?

5. during too many scenes it just felt like stephanie was rewriting tbona.. like I haven’t really seen anyone say this yet but a good chunk of the book was quotes from tbona which I feel took up a lot of unnecessary space and could’ve been used to develop other plots or characters? Literally someone that hasn’t read tbona could get a gist of what happened cause it’s all summarised in there 😭

6. the plot in general.. contrary to popular belief I don’t think this was that romance focused (as people claim as to why things weren’t explained) because I think stephanie incorporated more plot in here but it was just different to what we saw in the last books because previous characters (luc, marisol, tiberius, kristof) weren’t as present in this book and new characters plots and explanations were just thrown in.. not much felt connected

7. jacks’ backstory.. (going back to my second point) how he became a fate was really glossed over I feel and was only briefly mentioned but I just wanted more.. I do like the fact that he said he did it for chaos and I wish their friendship was delved into more because he literally turned to immortality because his friend would be alone. What about his parents? His friendship with Lyric? The merrywood three in general? His life when he was trapped in the card?

8. the first fox.. again wayy too significant to be missed out especially since jacks doesn’t really remember whether or not he had a thing for her and chaos said evangeline was similar to her.. how was there no link?

I definitely have more to add but for now my main takeaway is that while tbona was very hard to top I feel like acftl could’ve been so much more especially since it was set up so well.. I think so many people are disappointed because it doesn’t hold up as well for the last book in a series but I’m just glad evajacks got their happy ending 🫠

[malleusarcanum]

⚠️: Piss her!

Ace: My arms are going to give up! *Holding 3 boxes*

Deuce: This is far heavier! *Holding 8 history books*

Mc: Hey! We could use a little help here!! *Dropped the small table* *Yelled to Leona who is sitting at the corner*

Leona: Zzzzzz

Mc: Don't dare make a false sleep!!!!

Sebek: Duties couldn't be accomplished if you use your megaphonic mouth, human.

Mc: Atleast this megaphone is more useful than that lazy slacker over there! *Pointed at silver who slept at the desk*

Lilia: He's tired. He's even charming to look while dozing off.

Ruggie: That's the chair I was looking for... Nah to heavy if someone adds his weight

Lilia:....

Mc: ......

Lilia: Let's get movi'n!

Vil: My beauty will be destroyed by those dusk--what the---achoo! *Jade rubbed his face with feather duster*

Rook: Roi de Poison!! How could you do that!

Jade: Oh! My mistake, I thought I saw a huge termite.

*Vil stared with murderous intent*

Floyd: ah?! *Box fell off including the things inside*

Jack: It's not that bad *complimented the painting that Floyd just stepped*

Mc: Moana Lisa?!!!!

Grim: Funyah? it has some rad shoe prints, cool glow-up.

Epel: After putting everything here, let's pack up. My gut says we'll be expelled.

*Cater clicked phone and flashed*

Cater: as our last photo *selfie again and posed*

Idia: This is too heavy, my bones are disappearing.

Ortho: Big bro, you only lift one empty vase. This is the reason why you need to cut off being absorbed on gadgets, you definitely need exercise.

Idia: thinking about it may kill me already

Kalim: I give up!!!! Jamil!! Lift me!! *Unable to reach high shelf to put the trophy*

Jamil: you know what's easier?

Kalim:?

Jamil: Bring it home.

Kalim: Great idea!

*Jamil grinned*

Trey: Don't even think about it.

*Heard the book shelf collapsed, everyone turned*

Riddle: Great now we destroyed public property, thanks to Malleus.

*Mc sighed*

Malleus: *Looked at everyone* I may have pushed the box aggressively. I didn't expect a destruction.

*Everyone startled*

Floyd: Awesome!! Let's get in Shrimpy!

*Dragged Mc*

*Behind the collapsed bookshelf is a tunnel with torches beside the walls as light source*

*Everyone went in*

*********

Azul: *arranged glasses, observed a rectangular technology, with sound source at the side and a pen with big black sphere*

Mc: Wow! A kareoke!

Everyone: *exchanged glances* Karwha?

Mc: its a singing machine. *Pushed the button and it turned on*

Idia: where is their electrical source?

Mc: Don't know but this will be fun! *Played a song*

Mc demonstrated but before the lyrics starts they snatched the microphone.

🎶Trey: First, think first

Mc: The heck?!

🎶Ace: He'll no! Say what are those inside your head

🎶Kalim: I'm fired up, not tired of ruining her day oh-oooh

Running her day oh-oooh*

Mc: guys the lyrics is already there!!!!

*Everyone shushed her*

🎶Jamil: Second, wait a sec!

🎶Floyd: Don't you dare me when I call you shrimpy!

🎶Grim: No! I'm the one, greater mage.

hench-man belongs to me oh-ooohh

Tuna, dinner for me oh-oooh

Mc covered ears

🎶Leona: You're also better as maid *winked*

🎶Ruggie: taking his orders every breaks

🎶Jade & Deuce: Writing my assignments, would be cool!

Hey, Don't glare at me, kill me, attacking me...

🎶Sebek: using your punching karate

🎶Epel: Take this message from me

🎶Riddle: Speaking profanity everyday

🎶Azul: Hearing those is a

🎶Jack: pain!

🎶Cater: it's really fun when your are mad. let's piss her, piss her!

*Mc curled fist*

🎶Sebek, Silver & Lilia: Lame!

🎶Malleus: I much prefer my Child of man to kiss her, kiss her *bit lip*

*Mc blushed*

(pain!

Oh let the bullet's fly.....) (Part)

🎶Ortho: Lame.....

🎶Idia: I'll cuddle you at night and those cold rains. *Pointed mc*

*mc's heart beats fast*

🎶Vil: Apple my love, my wife you drive me *air kiss*

*Mc almost melted*

🎶Rook & Epel: Insane!

🎶Ace & Kalim: Look at her, tomato red. Let's piss her, yeah piss her!

*After a while*

Mc: Let's wait your score

Everyone:?

Mc: your song will be graded from 0 to 100. But I doubt you'll reach perfect that fuc--

Crowley: How did you got in my secret place?!!!!!!

Everyone blinked

Ortho: this is yours?

Crowley: Never mind!!! Get out *pushed them out*

Kalim: The score!

Crowley: all of your scores will go below the belt if you don't get out. *Slammed the door closed of the stock room*

*Crowley went back to turn it off but before it*

Kareoke: 100 Wow! You are a great singer

Crowley: Holy moly?!!! H-how?!!!

[broadwayfangirl222]

Addict VS Poison

Now this this isn't gonna be a "Which is better" comparison, they're both awesome to me. Plus that kinda comparison feels kinda...boring and could easily turn mean. I wanted to focus on how while they basically tackle the same topics/themes, with the same character, they end up having this different vibe to them. Let's start with the OG

(FYI I'm not gonna use any of the animation in addict as part of this character analysis since the other one doesn't have that yet and that changes quite a bit here)

Addict:

I'd say a decent chunk of this song can be summarized as "denial and distraction" Not actual denial though, but the kind of denial where you're aware but you just really, really don't want to, or you can't, actually deal the issue so you just distract yourself.

Despite having overdosed / And ending up comatose / I don't give a damn / I've let my emotions go / Fuck being a sober hoe / This is the mantra / This is my life you're playing with now / 'Til the end of the night / Surrounded by fire, the passion ignites

Angel here is basically going "fuck it, we party" He's decided to fully block out the lows, no matter how bad those lows are, and only embrace the highs. He wants squeeze every last ounce of fun and enjoyment he can out of his horrible situation. The most obvious moment of Angel completely addressing his feelings and isn't hiding behind this care free party persona is the reprise

I'm addicted to the sorrow / When the buzz ends by tomorrow / There's another rush of poison flowing into my veins / Giving me a dose of pleasure that resides by the pain / I'm addicted, I'm dependent / Looking awesome, feeling helpless

He admits he's feeling helpless and hurting and struggling here. And I don't want to mispeak on a topic like this so if i'm off on this please feel free to correct me. But the more I read this reprise the more I feel like this reprise also is kind of an admittance to this being a form of self harm too.

Now Cherri adds an interesting element to this. Even without seeing the animation you do get the impression she's by his side, she's sees what he's going through and wants to support him. One of her lines is basically offering her friendship and help

So, come if you're feelin' brave, and fancy yourself a mate / You want it, I got it / See what you like? / We could have it all by the end of the night

Without the animation this part I can see Cherri literally reaching out her hand to Angel in this part. He isn't alone here. He has someone by his side. Someone he can share the fun with and someone to commiserate with. This fact kinda gives it this hopeful tone to it despite the more negative lyrics and implications in parts. The reprise has this too with him saying maybe the hotel won't be terrible. He has this tentative hope for the future here for the first time.

Poison:

This one right off the bat this song has this frustration to it. Frustration for his situation as a whole, frustration at Valentino for putting him through all this, frustration at himself for fully knowing this is all toxic and terrible for him but still "falling for it" anyway (even thought it's obviously not his fault.) Again just purely from the lyrics and tone, this version of Angel feels like he's long past that denial and distraction. He's not distracting himself anymore. Any shred of fun and enjoyment he could have from this is just long since dead. He's completely aware here: He knows that he's trapped in a toxic cycle, fully aware it'll absolutely kill him one day. Part of the chorus is flat out "YEAH I KNOW, (it's/you're) poison" but despite that awareness, he's still stuck in this 'cause of Valentino.

Any way you want me, baby / That's the way you got me, I'll be yours / My story's gonna end with me dead from your poison / I got so good at bein' untrue / I got so good at tellin' you what you wanna hear / I disassociate, disappear / Yeah, yeah, yeah

He still has to be whatever Valentino wants and tell him whatever he wants to hear. The lyrics explicitly sate he completely detaches and simply plays the part he's supposed to. At this point there's no more denying or masking the situation to himself. Angel just sees it as pure survival now.

It's also interesting to note that it's only Angel here. There's no Cherri, or anyone, by his side in this song. He's isolated and desperate and hurt here. It feels like he's more at the end of his rope and just so lost on what to do. This is such a low point for him and his (after) life and he clearly doesn't see any out.

TLDR: Addict has this vibe of Angel wanting to embrace the chaos, the vices, the fun so he doesn't have to think on the bad. And that there's this shred of hope for the future at the end, like it might be possible for him to get out of this. Meanwhile Poison is him fully aware of his situation. He's frustrated, hurt and desperate to get out of this toxic cycle of abuse but he doesn't see how so he's just doing anything and everything he can to survive

[tragedyandterror]

ive made some playlists i thought i would share if anyone might like some bjr tunes! i have a serious one, a silly one, and one for the nebulous modern au tht lives in my brain

the last two i'll most likely still be adding songs here and there, but the 1st playlist is complete! i'll add the 1st playlist's tracklist+some lyric excerpts in the read more

black black heart - david usher

Something ugly this way comes Through my fingers sliding inside All these blessings all these burns I'm godless underneath your cover Search for pleasure search for pain In this world now I am undying I unfurl my flag my nation helpless Black black heart why would you offer more Why would you make it easier on me to satisfy I'm on fire I'm rotting to the core I'm eating all your Kings and Queens

dark entries - bauhaus

I came upon your room, it stuck into my head We leapt into the bed, degrading even lice You took delight in taking down my shielded pride Until exposed became my darker side

dissolved girl - massive attack

Shame, such a shame I think I kind of lost myself again Day, yesterday Really should be leaving, but I stay Say, say my name I need a little love to ease the pain Need a little love to ease the pain It's easy to remember, when it came

on the bound - fiona apple

You're all I need And maybe some faith would do me good I don't know what I'm doing Don't know, should I change my mind? I can't decide, there's too many variations to consider No thing I do don't do no thing but bring me more to do It's true, I do imbue my blue unto myself, I make it bitter

i think i'm paranoid - garbage

I think I'm paranoid And complicated I think I'm paranoid Manipulate it Bend me, break me anyway you need me All I want is you Bend me, break me, breaking down is easy All I want is you

symphony - dorian electra

Something's funny when I grab my guitar Feeling lonely like a dead shooting star I'm not the only one who's crashing your car (crashing your car) Need something louder just to drown out the scars (Make some fucking noise) Come on, baby, can't you see? (Can't you see?) I'm gonna need a symphony (symphony) And I'm gonna need to hear you scream

lecher bitch - genitorturers

I am the Lecher Bitch and I call on all who feed on danger Taste of the whore. Suffer my seed Crawl with the heretic and the world outside gets a little bit stranger

the bondage song - london after midnight

Innocent child, how you thought you knew me Understood my ways, my dark needs The hunt is not the thrill I'm after I want the kill, the conquest, to be your master Wrap your arms around my pale skin, it's too late to back out you're in On your knees and praise your new lord, deeper now And here's your reward, take me to bed and rip me apart

mercy - hurts

Fill me with rage And bleed me dry And feed me your hate In the echoing silence I shiver each time that you say Don't cry mercy There's too much pain to come

touch myself - genitorturers

I love myself, I want you to love me When I feel down, I want you above me I'll search myself, I want you to find me Forget myself, I want you to remind me I don't want anybody else When I think about you, I touch myself

nihil - 3teeth

Bound by flesh Freed by blood

this s*it will fcuk you up - combichrist

I am a bitch How do you want me? From behind Or on my knees? I am a slut Please hold me down I'll be your noise This shit will fuck you up

you spin me round - 3teeth

I set my sights on you And no one else will do And I I've got to have my way now, baby All I know is that to me You look like you're havin' fun Open up your lovin' arms Watch out, here I come

closer - nine inch nails

(Help me) I broke apart my insides (Help me) I've got no soul to sell (Help me) the only thing that works for me Help me get away from myself

you've seen the butcher - deftones

I wanna watch the way You creep across my skull You slowly enter 'Cause you know my room And then you crawl your knees off Before you shake my tomb

hey - pixies

Hey, must be a devil between us Or whores in my head Whores at the door Whore in my bed But hey! Where have you been? If you go, I will surely die

And the whores like a choir: Uh-uh All night And Mary, ain't you tired of this? Uh, is the sound That the mother makes when the baby breaks

hail mary - skating polly

She got hit so hard she just got up from the ground If she ever hits back, I won't tell Hey Mary, follow me out and we'll never walk back Hey Mary, tell me honestly you'd never want that Hail Mary, trust me, don't look back or it's gonna end badly

if you really love nothing - interpol

When I find my home The next artery Splendid I bled my whole life So it's probably a kiss Goodbye then

tangled up in plaid - queens of the stone age

Come, lets play along And let each other lose A win would cause an alarm Don't matter to me, don't matter to you

spaceboy - smashing pumpkins

And spaceboy, they'll kill me Before I'm dead and gone And any way you choose me It won't be wrong And any way you choose me We won't belong

[lazarushound]

The Official lazarushound Dean Winchester Playlist

Okay so this playlist is a big deal to literally no one except me but I spent like two hours explaining every single song on my dean playlist and I'll be damned if I don't share it with SOMEONE.

The playlist in question, which I update and add songs too fairly often(ish). It's roughly arranged in order of Dean's story, from pre-canon to the finale. A fair few of the songs are courtesy of catgirlhannibal, whom I adore.

Warning that is is a VERY LONG READ and almost definitely is plagued with typos. Without further ado, here is the 9.5k word explanation of every single song (at time of posting) on the playlist. Call that shit explicable Dean Winchester vibes, complete with my favourite lyrics from each song.

• Ramble On - Led Zeppelin

Dean's favourite song! The whole song is basically about having no choice but to keep going, even when things are tough. It's also actually about LOTR which is funny cause Dean's secretly a nerd lol. But yeah, it reflects a lot on Dean's nature as a traveller and someone who never settles in one place for long. Sometimes I grow so tired but I know I've got one thing I've got to do - I ramble on.

• Travelling Riverside Blues - Led Zeppelin

Dean's other favourite song! Probably not a popular reading of this song but for me, it definitely has a level of queer coding. Asked sweet mama, let me be your kid, she said "you might get hurt if you don't keep it hid" is the most obvious example of it.

• Psalms 40:2 - The Mountain Goats

Very biblical song lol. It's a lot about small town America (as many TMG songs are) and shitty motels which resonates with Dean pretty heavily. Not to mention: He has raised me from the pit and set me high.

• Night Moves - Bob Segar

This one is literally in the show so naturally reminds me of him. But it's about a teenage romance which definitely makes me think of young Dean. I mean, come on: out in the backseat of my '60 Chevy when the man drives a '67 Chevy??

• Father - The Front Bottoms

A few songs on this playlist are pretty much only there for one or two lines. This is not one of them. I could write another essay about this song and how it relates to Dean, every fucking line. You were high school, and I was just more like real life, and you were okay as a girlfriend, but I was just more like his wife 😮‍💨

• Old Number Seven - The Devil Makes Three

This is another song I'm pretty convinced was written about Dean. Once played it on guitar and my dad asked if it was about him so that's all the validation I needed. Angels start to look good to me, they're gonna have to deport me to the fiery deep.

• Mission - Alex G

This song to me is very much pre canon/season one Dean. It's all about following orders and being a good soldier, much like Dean's devotion to his father. I was trained to stick to the mission, I was trained, I kept it on track. To me, Mission has a slightly bitter tone, as though the narrator is resentful that they've followed orders so obediently and only suffered as a result.

• Adam Raised a Cain - Bruce Springsteen

Courtesy of catgirlhannibal. What a surprise, another biblical song. Dean sees himself as nothing more than a soldier, violent and aggressive. He sees his father as a hero, despite the fact that he's an abusive bastard. Well, daddy worked his whole life for nothing but pain, now he walks these empty rooms looking for something to blame.

• Shoulders - Big Thief

Okay, I'd argue this song is more akin to Sam than Dean but fuck you, this is my playlist and I choose the music. And the blood of the man who killed my mother with his hands, it's in me, it's in me, in my veins is obviously related to Sam and Azazel but also to Dean and John, as though Dean comes to realise that he's just like his father.

• Celene - Gigi Perez

End of season two! This song is about losing a sibling and is very much the mindset I pictured Dean to be in after losing Sam for the first time. I'd also argue it's how Dean felt when Sam was at Stanford. The other day I thought of something funny, but no one would have laughed but you.

• Like Real People Do - Hozier

Why were you digging? What did you bury before those hands pulled me from the earth? HELLOOO CASTIEL! Very season four Destiel, those boys will NOT kiss like real people do.

• It's Only Sex - Car Seat Headrest

Okay so post-resurrection Dean is VERRRRRY traumatised which makes it difficult for him to enjoy the things he used to love, including sex. This song is also about his struggle over his feelings for Cas: what happens if I don't like it? I like you.

• Not Allowed - TV Girl

Well, you may not like it but you better learn how cause it's your turn now! Very much following on from It's Only Sex, similar themes in this song but more relating to Dean's insistence on keeping up The Act and pretending he's the same man he was before Hell.

• Presumably Dead Arm - Sidney Gish

Second catgirlhannibal song to make the list. Just to start this off, this isn't the start of anything. To me, this whole song is Dean skirting around his feelings for Cas and trying to pretend they don't exist in hopes they go away eventually. They don't. Honey, you are nothing to me, (but alcohol and dopamine)/(I don't call people anything thought to be so sweet).

• Tangled in Ropes - Holy Locust

I literally wrote a whole essay about this one so I'll keep it short with just the best lyric. Had a laugh made of wax, house made of butter, how they melted that summer.

• Hate Yourself - TV Girl

If there's one thing we've learned about Dean Winchester, it's that the man loves to use sex as a means to avoid his problems. How long will it take? Before you start to hate yourself and go straight into the arms of someone else is just straight up Dean struggling to give himself time to grieve and overcome his trauma. He'd rather just hookup with someone else and pretend it doesn't make him hate himself more and more every time.

• Cherry Wine - Hozier

See: my whole essay about this song and Destiel. And it's worth it, it's divine, I have this some of the time.

• Body to Flame - Lucy Dacus

Another catgirlhannibal song! I see you holding your breath with your arms outstretched, waiting for someone to come rip open your chest. This song to me feels like Dean kicking himself for every trusting Cas, after Cas betrays him for the first time. To accept Cas as his family was going against his every instinct to close himself off from outsiders, and Cas just proved him right by betraying him.

• Motion Sickness - Phoebe Bridges

Okay this one is basically just for I hate you for what you did, and I miss you like a little kid lol. It just perfectly encapsulates Dean, bitter and resentful towards Cas whilst simultaneously missing him so much his heart aches.

• I'm Your Man - Mitski

Oh, woof. Continuing the betrayal arc, this song is all about Dean's guilt. It's his fault Cas fell from Heaven, his fault this angel isn't holy anymore. I'm sorry I'm the one you love, no one will ever love me like you again.

• Not Strong Enough - Boygenius

Where do I start? Always an angel, never a god 😮‍💨 I think if you played this song to Dean it would break him a little bit. I DON'T KNOW WHY I AM THE WAY I AM!!!

• Legit Tattoo Gun - The Front Bottoms

I was aware of this song but catgirlhannibal brought to my attention that it's Destiel coded 🧐 Who did I think I was? Who did I think that I could be? Oh, how dare me. Dean just kicking himself for ever thinking he could allow himself to have something with Cas.

• SHALLOW (PPL SWIM IN SHALLOW WATER) - Saya Gray

Okay, this one is a bit of a "hear me out." I'm seeing Mother Mary, she says I'm closer to Hell than the clouds are to Heaven. Dean's mother is called Mary so she's LITERALLY Mother Mary which scratches my brain very nicely. Obviously Dean sees himself as a sinner and doomed for Hell, despite the fact that he's a hero. And I left my enemies, cause nobody hates myself more than me, GOOD LORD DOES THAT MAN LOVE SOME SELF LOATHING. My mother's evil and the angels too is soooooo self explanatory. Dean has an idealistic version of Mary in his head which is challenged when she comes back to life and he interacts with her as an adult. There's also the fact that real angels aren't as "good" as you'd think. Sometimes I don't think I'm cherished enough.

• John Wayne Gacy, Jr. - Sufjan Stevens

This song is an allegory for being gay. The narrator sees himself as evil, just as bad as the serial killer for which the song is named, just because he's gay. And in my best behaviour, I am really just like him, look beneath the floorboards for the secrets I have hid.

• Always - Panic! At the Disco

Another one that is less obvious without me explaining it lol. The light in this song is a reference to the Great Gatsby which is a whole other queer coded story in its own right. But I always (hehe) picture this song as Dean struggling with Cas' feelings for him which are becoming more and more evident. It was always you falling for me particularly stands out to me, along with you are taking me apart like bad glue on a get well card.

• Star Tripping - Kevin Atwater

Okay I looooooove love this song. But it's another song which relates to God and being queer. It's about a very toxic relationship, in which one person is relatively okay with their sexuality and the other is incredibly repressed (seem familiar?). I could use any lyric from this song but I'll go with: you think He made you wrong, I think you're giving Him way too much credit, crying at the party, know it only bothers you if you let it, later you can kiss me, blame it on the stuff you took to forget it.

• The Calendar - Panic! At The Disco

Another Panic! song 💀 also from vices and virtues. Another "hear me out." There's the more obvious I will come back to life but only for you but I also think the rest of the song relates pretty strongly to Destiel. You said if you don't let it out, you're gonna let it eat you away, I'd rather be a cannibal baby, animals like me don't talk anyway. For me, it strongly resembles Dean's view of himself, an attack dog. Cannibalism as a metaphor for love. And obviously that man loves to repress stuff and let it eat him away, so to speak.

• Lacy - Olivia Rodrigo

Lawd. This song has a lot of queer subtext in and of itself. It's all about adoring someone to the point where you become insecure because you know you'll never be as good as them. The song is bitter and resentful whilst simultaneously loving and adoring. I despise my jealous eyes and how hard they fell for you, yeah I despise my rotten mind and how much it worships you. He hates himself because he loves Cas. HE HATES HIMSELF BECAUSE HE LOVES CAS.

• Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want - The Smiths

Dean does not let himself have nice things. Lord knows, it would be the first time. This song feels pretty self explanatory to me lol.

• Feeling Oblivion - Turin Brakes

Okay this is my favourite song of all time so I'm slightly biased for including it HOWEVER. I feel it also applies to Dean pretty well. We're now at the point in the story where Dean is about to/has already lost Cas. This song invokes an incredibly deep feeling of nostalgia for me, like looking back on when things were better. Now it is night time, maybe we're cruising avoiding the anti-cruise, like tell me this isn't Dean and Cas just driving around Kansas cause Dean can't sleep 😭 and don't even get me fucking started on so don't leave me here on my own, by the time fear takes me over, will we still be rolling? Feeling oblivion cause this song makes me cry every time I hear it I stg.

• Who We Are - Hozier

Poor Dean :( bro has just lost his best friend, and is now realising that he'll never be able to tell him how he felt. It's like he's seeing things plainly for the first time, realising what he's been missing. He never had Cas because they spent so long avoiding their relationship, and now it's too late. You only feel it when it's lost, getting through still has its cost, quietly, it slips through your fingers, love, falling from you drop by drop.

• Crack Baby - Mitski

I don't know if I really need to say more than: crack baby, you don't know what you want, but you know that you had it once, and you know that you want it back.

• Knockin' on Heaven's Door - Bob Dylan

This is another song that's in the show (dark side of the moon, I love you) so naturally reminds me of Dean. It might be a bit on the nose putting it right at the end but it just feels like Dean finally letting himself rest (die of tetanus). Mama, put my guns in the ground, I can't shoot them anymore.

[honeygrahambitch]

WHATS A HANNIGRAM CODED TAYLOR SWIFT SONG

The perfect ask doesn't exi-

I have prepared for this my whole life. Here is a list of hannigram coded taylor swift songs.

Look what you made me do

it's sexy and petty and it's the perfect Will Graham in salmon shirt revenge song but it's also very Hannibal in Mizumono coded.

2. I did something bad

perfect for both of them and especially for Will discovering that killing people makes him feel stuff that he shouldn't

3. Back to december (I am feral about this one)

perfect for them. chef's kiss. You can listen to it and think about Mizumono or about Digestivo, depends what kind of pain you want.

It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you

Wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine

I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright

this is so Will Graham thinking about Mizumono and also Hannibal surrendering to the FBI cause he doesn't need freedom if he cannot have Will.

But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right

I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't So if the chain is on your door, I understand

This lyrics too because it's the tea cup motif, turning back the time, which is exactly what Hannibal wanted to do in digestivo. And also related to Will's regrets about Mizumono.

4. Mastermind

Perfect for them both, from beginning to end. Nothing to add than some very fitting lyrics.

I knew I wanted your body I laid the groundwork, and then Just like clockwork The dominoes cascaded in a line What if I told you I'm a mastermind? And now you're mine It was all my design

5. Better than revenge (more as crack if you want to think of it from Hannibal's pov towards Molly lol)

6. Right where you left me

season 3b coded, breaks you to pieces if you imagine them and the glass wall in between.

7. Wonderland

I reached for you, but you were gone I knew I had to go back home You searched the world for somethin' else To make you feel like what we had And in the end, in Wonderland, we both went mad

them in season 3a, Hannibal trying to replace Will with Anthony but it was in vain.

8. Come back, be here

Will grieving after Hannibal left

9. Hoax

there is so much to say about this one, I find it very fitting

My only one My smoking gun My eclipsed sun This has broken me down My twisted knife My sleepless night My win-less fight This has frozen my ground

(...)

My best laid plan Your sleight of hand My barren land I am ash from your fire

(...)

You knew it still hurts underneath my scars From when they pulled me apart You knew the password, so I let you in the door You knew you won, so what's the point of keeping score? You knew it still hurts underneath my scars From when they pulled me apart But what you did was just as dark

you can think about all the pain they have inflicted into each other and each time they have betrayed each other

10. I almost do

11. Sad Beautiful Tragic

so so so hannigram coded

We both wake In lonely beds In different cities And time Is taking its sweet time erasing you And you've got your demons And darlin' they all look like me

12. Ivy (which is considered to be a very queer song)

I wish to know The fatal flaw that makes you long to be Magnificently cursed

13. Willow (a lil more cheesy)

14. The lakes

hannigram coded because they don't fit in the normal world. And the lyrics sound like something Hannibal would say

15. Vigilante shit

as petty and sexy as Look what you made me do

16. Bad blood

doesn't need any explanation

17. No body, no crime

for the whole arc of Will trying to convince everyone Hannibal framed him

18. Getaway Car

Mizumono coded

19. The Great War

twotl coded

All that bloodshed, crimson clover Uh-huh, sweet dream was over My hand was the one you reached for All throughout the Great War

(...)

It turned into something bigger Somewhere in the haze, got a sense I'd been betrayed Your finger on my hair pin triggers Soldier down on that icy ground Looked up at me with honor and truth Broken and blue, so I called off the troops That was the night I nearly lost you I really thought I lost you

and this part very Mizumono coded

20. Peace

they are both problematic for each other

21. The Alcott

describes the Uffizi Gallery scene. Like, in perfect detail.

22. My tears ricochet

23. Illicit Affairs

Look at this idiotic fool that you made me You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else

24. Last kiss

for when Hannibal is locked up

25. Haunted

26. Cowboy like me

especially because Will is from the south lol

I've got some tricks up my sleeve Takes one to know one

Hope this helps!

[steddiebang]

Steddie Bigbang Weekly Round-up: November 1 - November 4

Remember Me, Love (when I'm reborn) Author: @stevebckley and on twitter / Artist: @fancycheliniarts and on twitter Steve Harrington was born an Alpha. Everyone in his life had expected him to be an Alpha so they weren't surprised

Everyone except himself.

After over two years of saving every spare dollar, Steve is finally ready to take the final leap to transition from the Alpha he appears to be, to the Omega he’s always known he is. When the clinic pairs him with Eddie Munson as the Alpha that is meant to help guide him through his transition, it only takes one meeting for Steve to realize that he may not want to let go of Eddie when it’s all over.

The Baby Project Author: miraculousmultifan / Artist: @danadaria. Steve turned around with a grin and propped his elbows up on Munson's desk. Then, before he could really think about the words coming out of his mouth, he said, “Guess that makes us married then, huh darling?”

Munson, of course, stared back at him blankly, but instead of backtracking or something, Steve batted his eyelashes for good measure, really hamming it up.

Munson blinked at him once. Then twice. Then he raised an eyebrow and said, deadpan, “What the fuck are you talking about?”

In the last month and a half of Steve's senior year, he gets paired up with Eddie Munson for the final project in Mrs. O'Donnell's Home Economics class. The assignment? To take care of a fake baby for four weeks. For some reason, Steve finds himself surprisingly excited. Eddie, not so much.

I Wanna Be Adored Author: @StrangerThings1975 / @strngrthngs1975 (twitter) / StrangerThings1975(ao3) / Artist: gimmekaseddie (twitter) / @gimmedemosteve (tumblr) Eddie thinks it would be cool to add a fake demon summoning ritual into his song lyrics. He thinks it’s even cooler when the summoning actually works... eventually. At first, though, he’s just wondering what the hell Steve Harrington is doing at his door.

“What is it exactly that you want, Eddie? What are your deepest desires?”

And they thought he was the freak?

“Dude.” Eddie threw him a look. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I know one of them.”

“Oh, and what would that be?” He couldn’t resist taking the bait.

trouble’s always gonna find you, baby (but so am i) Author: tumblr strangersatellites / twitter strngrsatellite / Artist: tumblr becomingfoxes / twitter becomingfoxes / Artist: tumblr amethyst-crowns / twitter amethystcrowns Steve Harrington has spent the better part of the last five years knocking out hit after hit for the Assassin’s Guild and becoming one of the most lethal agents in the business. After a series of unprecedented, wildly successful cases across the country, his boss pulls him off the active case roster for eight months. He’s been keeping tabs on the Chicago Syndicate for years and has finally deemed Steve ready to take out their leader, The Sandman.

The only problem is that undercover agents have been able to turn up little to no information regarding The Sandman’s identity. The only information the Guild has been able to dredge up is the name of one of their business fronts: a sophisticated private nightclub called Hellfire, and the name of its director, Syndicate member Eddie Munson.

or: Eddie is a low ranking member of the mafia and Steve is the assassin hired to kill his boss.

(i fear) for what tomorrow brings Author: eiqhties (tumblr / AO3) / Artist: sullymygoodname (tumblr / AO3) Since Starcourt, Steve and Eddie have been meeting (and falling in love) secretly. Until - frustrated by Steve’s secrecy - Eddie ended things between them. Steve doesn’t cope well. He’s been having nightmares, nosebleeds, and painful headaches. 

Everything is made much worse after Chrissy Cunningham dies in Eddie’s trailer. Steve is forced to watch as Eddie becomes involved in everything Steve tried so hard to protect him from. 

Or: Steve Harrington’s No Good, Very Bad, Awful Month. 

nobody rules these streets at night like me Author: maxinemaxmayfield [tumblr / ao3] / Artist: maikaartwork [tumblr / twitter] Eddie Munson has never stayed in one place for long. 

When his mom disappears for the last time and his dad goes to jail, he has no other family to turn to. He spends his teenage years moving through the foster system, making friends and then losing them just as quickly. In the end, there’s never any reason to stay. 

After he runs away from his fifth foster home, he finds his way to Hawkins, Indiana and for the first time, finds a reason to stay.

At the Start of the End of the World Author: InsaneJuliann /marvelingjules / Artist: mc-i-r Eddie survived the Demobats (if only barely), Max is in a coma, and the Upside Down is seeping slowly into Hawkins. Steve’s doing what he can, looking out for the people he cares about - but who takes care of him? Eddie, who’s cleared of murder charges but only technically, figures he’s got the time and the interest in taking that job on. And maybe, there’s more to the friendship growing between them than just Platonic feelings. But as the Upside Down grows stronger in Hawkins, becoming harder to ignore, and old enemies and allies make themselves known, Steve and Eddie’s growing feelings for each other may have to wait - indefinitely.

An Act of Grace Author: missberrycake / @daysarestranger​ / Artist: @bienmoreau​ / Podficcer: singinginmay / @daysarestranger​ On the morning after Broughton Hall’s annual summer fête, the body of a local Baron’s son was found on the grounds of the estate, as lifeless and cold as the morning was warm. Having spent the summer together, member of the household staff Edward Munson was the first to be suspected. As for the Baron’s son, perhaps there was more to him than the Baron would have society believe.

Decades later, Max Mayfield comes across the murder of Steven Harrington while researching topics for the second season of her hit true crime podcast. Along with her some-time engineer and full-time ex-boyfriend, Lucas, Max uncovers a story of two people that, entwined in secrecy and truths left unspoken, reaches out across history.

Two Truths and a Lie About Steve Harrington Author: endzela [ao3] / Artist: singinginmay [ao3] Steve is desperate to find a date for his high school reunion, and his best friend Eddie volunteers to pretend to be his boyfriend. What Eddie doesn’t know, however, is that Steve has had a crush on him ever since they became friends in college, and although Steve is not planning on letting him find out about it now, spending a week together in the same room might make things difficult. Especially since Eddie keeps flirting with him at every chance he gets.

As the poets say Author: ChristinMKay / @transmascsteveharrington / Artist: @quokkafoxtrot / Artist: riddletalks Eddie loathes the idea of soulmates. The words his soulmate will say the moment they realize they are in love with him sit heavy on his wrist. Heavy like a burden, like a cursed prophet, harbinger of death. Others cry tears of joy when they get their words, Eddie had cried tears of anxiety. The dark letters on his wrist read, “Dustin died.” On the other side of town and yet worlds apart from Eddie, Steve loathes the words on his wrist just as much. Not because he doesn’t want a soulmate. No, he longs for them every day. And every day is a painful reminder that he hasn’t found them yet when someone randomly calls out his words. The letters on his wrist simply say, “Hey Steve.”

tin roof rusted Author: @bdelaney_ao3 [twitter] [ao3] / Artist: @themeanderingty /. Artist: @cemeterylight / @cemeterylights Steve had always been someone who thinks of sex as something that was shared between people, never something that could be just for himself. After coming to terms with his sexuality, Steve finally finds the nerve to visit the adult store where Nancy works only to find something so much better than a toy along the way: the owner and resident king of nerds, Eddie Munson.

22 upcoming projects to be posted next week (Nov 5 - Nov 11).

*To keep up with all the Steddie Bigbang 2023 posting, be sure to follow us @steddiebang or track tags #steddiebang23 masterposts, #steddiebang23 project promo, or #steddiebang23 upcoming projects.

[good-beanswrites]

I am here to cause you more pain.

So technically, Amane currently has an overall guilty percentage. (51.66% guilty - 51.32% innocent = 0.34% guilty :(((((( ) Therefore, I am asking what flavor you would add to LCSYS, and how would it differ from Muu, if- *runs away*

*cracks knuckles* *cries*

Okay, so if Amane is one of the final guilties, I have two major directions I’d take Es’ remorse. The first and most prominent are their similarities to one another. Es would reflect on how they really are just about the same age. Both had limited knowledge of the world when arriving in Milgram. Both saw killing the guilty as their duty. I’d make a lot of physical comparisons: when Es sees themselves in the interrogation room mirror they might be struck with the fact that they look as small as her. Maybe their hair has grown out a bit and looks like hers. They’re hit with the thought that the only thing separating themself from Amane really was the clothes they were wearing -- so why did Es alone have the right to choose her fate?

The other, even more evil route that I’d take would be comparing Es to Amane’s mother. I don’t know exactly how executions will go, but something tells me Milgram is going to put us through hell hearing the prisoners’ last words. Es would reflect on Amane’s apologies and pleading, and realize that her mother heard those exact same cries, and ignored them in the exact same way. I’d tie in some Purch March lyrics about Amane’s desperate “I’m sorry” once again going unheard. It wouldn’t be painting Es as a villain per se, but the comparison would communicate that Amane was a victim in her life way more often than she was a perpetrator. That no matter how hard she tried to be a good girl, there would always be someone in front of her ready to punish her for it.

[euphoriabled-memes]

So Much (For) Starters.

All starters are lyrics taken from the album So Much (For) Stardust by the band Fall Out Boy, released March 24, 2023. Please feel free to change as you see fit. ( Seeing as I’ve made this meme the day this album came out, some lyrics may be incorrect. My apologies! )

Love From The Other Side

“You know I'm dying out here.”

“What would you trade the pain for?”

“You were the sunshine of my lifetime.”

“I'd never go, I just want to be invited.”

“Sending my love from the other side of the apocalypse.”

“Every lover's got a little dagger in their hand.”

“Nowhere left for us to go but Heaven.”

“Give up what you love before it does you in…”

Heartbreak Feels So Good

“No matter what they tell you, the future's up for grabs.”

“Is there a word for bad miracle?”

“Nobody said the road was endless.”

“Could we please pretend this won't end?”

“We could cry a little? Cry a lot?”

“We could dance our tears away, emancipate ourselves.”

Hold Me Like A Grudge

“When you ask how I've been, I know you mean well.”

“I guess I'm getting older 'cause I'm less pissed.”

“Silent killers are these years coming like waves.”

“You put the ‘fun’ into dysfunction.”

“Hold me like a grudge.”

“The world is always spinning, and I can't keep up.”

“Part-time soulmate, full-time problem.”

“I guess, somehow, we made it back.”

“I am a diamond on the inside, just add the pressure!”

“I thought I knew better, I thought it would get better.”

“I figured somehow by now, I would have got it together.”

“We'll do more than just get by.”

Fake Out

“Make no plans and none can be broken.”

“Do you laugh about me whenever I leave?”

“Do I just need more therapy?”

“Love is in the air, I just gotta figure out a window to break out.”

“My mood board is just pictures of you.”

“I'm not sad anymore.”

“We did it for futures that never came and for pasts that we're never gonna change.”

Heaven, Iowa

“Kiss my cheek, baby, please.”

“Would you read my eulogy?”

“I will never ask you for anything — except to dream sweet of me.”

“I will never ask you for anything.”

“Tell me when the party ends.”

“Will you still love who I am?”

“They don't know how much they’ll miss.”

“Save your breath; half your life you've been hooked on death!”

“Be careful what you bottle up.”

“I'm saving this all for later.”

So Good Right Now

“We'll drive until the engine just gives up.”

“I know I've made mistakes, but at least they were mine to make.”

“I'll be whatever you need me to be.”

“I cut myself down to whatever you need me to be.”

The Pink Seashell

“There's no point to any of this, it's all just a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes.”

“I take pleasure in the detail, you know, a, a Quarter Pounder with cheese? Those are good.”

I Am My Own Muse

“I like playing dumb, letting you figure me out.”

“I was faded, in my own defense.”

“We got to throw this year away.”

“The trumpets bring the angels, but they never came.”

“I know I keep my feelings so tucked away.”

“Just another day spent hoping we don't fall apart.”

“Let's twist the knife again like we did last summer.”

Flu Game

“I guess to you now, I'm just a face in the crowd.”

“Oh, God, kindly please, would you kill me now?”

“Carved out a place in this world for two, but it's empty without you.”

“I've got all this love I've got to keep to myself.”

“All this effort to make it look effortless.”

“I can't be who you need me to be.”

“Every candle's gotta run out of wax.”

Baby Annihilation

“Time is luck, and I wish ours overlapped more.”

“The first time I took the mask off, just had another one on underneath.”

“I'm just melted wax on a birthday cake, another year fades away.”

“If you want a job done right, you gotta do it yourself.”

“What is there between us, if not a little annihilation?”

The Kintsugi Kid (Ten Years)

“I'm pretty sure, as far as humans go, I am a hard pill to swallow.”

“I spent ten years in a bit of chemical haze and I miss the way that I felt nothing.”

“Passed my old street, the house I grew up in. It breaks your heart.”

“Four of the Ramones are dead.”

“And I miss the way that I felt nothing.”

“You don't know me anymore.”

What A Time To Be Alive

“That’s the way the world used to be before our dreams started bursting at the seams.”

“I don't care if it's pretty.”

“The view's so pretty from the deck of a sinking ship.”

“Everything is lit except my serotonin.”

“Please, I just need someone to hold me.”

“Oh, what a time to be alive.”

“They say that I should try meditation, but I don’t want to be with my own thoughts.”

“I just want to be your cherry on top.”

“when I said ‘leave me alone’ this isn't quite what I meant.”

So Much (For) Stardust

“I feel like something that's been stretched out, over and over again.”

“I don't have the guts to keep it together.”

“Life is just a game, maybe.”

“I'm stuck in a lonely loop.”

“I need the sound of crowds, or I can't fall asleep at night.”

“Another year of possibilities left unwrapped like gifts the day right after Christmas passed.”

“I'm pretty positive my pain isn't cool enough.”

“I think I've been going through it.”

“In another life, you were the sunshine of my lifetime.”

“I used to be a real go-getter.”

“I used to think it'd all get better.”

“We thought we had it all.”

[hcneygemini]

𝖝. 𝖆. 𝖓. 𝖆. — lyrics sentence starters.

A collection of sentence starters from some singles released, minus anything featured in Tantrums ( the meme featuring those is here ). This meme also includes a song not by her, but which she is featured in. Do not add to or steal this meme. Feel free to change pronouns, edits phrasing, or generally slightly edit or combine lines as needed. Some lines have already been slightly rephrased for rp purposes. tw: cheating, toxic relationships, suggestive

MONSTER

i hold your mistakes high over your head, especially when they look like mine.

i'm not one to hand out forgiveness.

it pains me to admit you were right.

someday i will be someone you resent.

honey, the pleasure is all mine.

i heard you're calling me a traitor.

i owe you a good apology, i'll do it later.

i paint myself the good guy.

i heard you're calling me a monster.

after all the shit i pulled, you could do better.

i'll do what i want over what's right.

you gave me your all.

it was intimate.

i guess it ain't your fault that i can't commit.

i never listen.

i couldn't help but feel so indifferent.

all my failures are visceral.

i still taste blood from years ago.

you ain't good enough.

i can't even be honest with myself.

how could you believe i'd do that for someone else?

i don't want that life.

i'm kissing boys in the back of their cars.

it's half past 3.

you were fast asleep while i was on the phone with [ Jodie ].

will i ever know why i am like this?

i go for what i can't have, like i'm righteous.

i can't face the shame.

if you wanna place blame, just say my name.

i go home alone and i think it's strange.

i got what i want but it don't taste the same.

everyone who's ever loved me is the enemy.

i get high on all the jealousy.

you can't forgive the infidelity.

i don't wanna be someone who lives like that.

i was supposed to be a good friend, trusted.

i snuck around with the love of your life.

after all the shit i pulled, you should do better.

HOMEWRECKING ERA

wrap your thighs around me.

i could keep all your secrets.

cross my heart and hope i mean it.

think of all the damage i could do.

say less.

push me on the counter.

call me princess.

wish i could say no, but it's hopeless.

i'm losing focus.

i wonder if [ she ] knows about those pictures on your phone.

you should feel guilty, but you don't.

i'm in my homewrecking era.

got things i wanna do to you.

i feel bad for a minute.

you make me feel so good.

i taste something bitter in my mouth.

i left my bralette on the ground.

i can't help myself.

nobody fucks like me.

i'm the [ girl ] of your dirty dreams

the silence is deafening.

do you miss me?

i think [ she ] can taste me.

i can give you what you want.

we called it love.

we might've fucked it up.

baby, just fuck me up.

i'm the flame that keeps you warm at night.

don't i bring out the green in her eyes?

you like how pretty [ she ] is when [ she ] cries.

[ she ] loves you so much, even the lies.

we're both the one, but never the only.

you get so lonely

crown me the villain and hero tonight.

fucking me brought you together so nice.

i got a taste for the drama.

i spilled your guts 'cause i wanted.

look at all this damage that i do.

BETTER KIND OF BEST FRIEND

i can see [ her ] in my dreams.

i see [ her ] in my bed.

[ she's ] the goddamn vision that ringin' in my head.

i'm waitin', patient.

we could be good together.

let me release the pressure.

i think i found my treasure.

[ she ] tastes like heaven and she knows it.

i'm eager.

i just wanna please you.

she's got me prayin'.

i could be a better kind of best friend.

i'm a fan.

i don't die for my [ women ] anymore.

i'll do anything to have you.

i swear to be true.

i don't die for my [ women ] anymore, i kill for them.

you don't need to ask, you got my permission.

lord knows we tried.

can't stay away from each other.

you know i'm a sucker.

watch as i swallow my pride.

i wanna make it intimate.

i've got my finger on the trigger.

they come and go.

YOU DON'T WANT ME LIKE THAT ( by Rachel Bochner )

if you hated me it'd be easier.

i know what's coming is really gonna hurt.

if i hated you, i would've never tried.

it's a habit you conditioned.

i wonder if you know you're bad.

i wanna tell you that i miss you.

you wouldn't say it back.

you don't want me like that.

you don't want a picture of me sitting on your nightstand.

you don't wanna touch me in the way we both know you can.

you just like the way i feel stuck in the palm of your hand.

where do you get off on it?

i do the extra credit but you're never satisfied.

i keep you center stage.

you keep me on the side.

i'm crossing all the lines.

you won't call it what it is.

you just call me when you're blue.

the fantasy is cute.

i would give you all i have.

i stay up waiting for you.

i can't keep waiting.

BABYBLUE

baby blue was always your color.

it's a little strange how we're seeing each other.

god, you look just as i remembered.

it's been a few years.

i've known you forever.

you packed your bags and moved to [ Boston. ]

you needed a place that you could get lost in.

time will tell.

you got my youth on your bedpost.

say it ain't so.

our picture's getting dusty.

you smell vanilla and don't think about me.

i hope it's alright, your life without me.

you ran to my house in the pouring rain.

i've cried every damn day since you left.

i don't mind if i never get over it.

i've been watching reruns.

i should call my little sister, i worry about her all the time.

you hold other hands.

i'm biting my tongue.

you're making new plans.

i'm coming undone.

i watch your old films.

looking at it now, i think i love you still.

i try to be cool.

if i never say a word, does it make it less true?

i feel the time go.

i fear the unknown.

it's getting so old.

all of my anxieties are filling up my diaries.

the water ran cold.

there's so much i don't know.

i think i gotta go.

you see green and don't think about me.

BAD BANDIT

i've been lonely for awhile now.

i'm tired of this ghost town.

[ she ] looks pretty on [ her ] poster.

i'm thinking i could hold [ her ].

i want you on my body.

won't you face it?

you wanna make or break it.

you wanna feel me naked.

i'll show you how to take it.

count your blessings when the devil ain't got nowhere to go.

maybe i'm bratty.

i taught that [ man ] a lesson.

[ he ] was charming and i loved [ him ].

[ his ] urges were disgusting.

i bed [ him ] down to nothing.

that little [ lady ] wanted love.

it's such a damn shame.

you better run, babe.

[ she's ] taking aim.

[ she ] promised me [ her ] best.

i could see forever in [ her ] golden eyes.

my baby told me lies.

i swear i'm gonna die.

but i ain't the one biting the dust tonight.

i swear i'm gonna miss [ her ] for the rest of my days.

i still hear [ her ] voice.

BET YOU'LL GET OFF ON THIS

maybe in another year you might be different.

i'd rather not admit how many years i've been insisting.

you showed me your true colors.

you used to be the prettiest thing i'd ever seen.

what you said to me last sunday was disgusting.

i don't need to look at you to know you feel nothing.

you feel nothing.

maybe you like it better when i'm cool.

i don't give a shit.

did you really have to be so cruel?

all i ever did was try to love you.

i don't know who you are.

i saw the façade slip, and it was alarming.

i'm left with confusion.

how did you not ever learn to be human?

what did i expect?

you never grew up.

you think you're so deep, but you're so out of touch.

[ Natalie ] was right when [ she ] said that you were heartless.

i don't ever want you to touch me again.

i really can't stand the way you talk about your [ girlfriend ].

bet it hurts to know i'm no longer your forever.

i won't hold my breath, but i hope you get better.

i don't wanna belittle my love.

all we ever did was try to love you.

[starfishlikestoread]

@mouseinamushroomhouse you asked me for a Simon Illyan playlist nearly a year ago, and I'm proud to report it is finally done! I hope you and anyone else who listens to it enjoys!! :)

(shoutout to @cookie-nom-nom for suggesting the song Time Machine and @trelldraws for the McCartney and National recs, as well as putting up with me randomly sending various songs and helping figure out which ones fit and didn't. More musings about the process & specifics under the cut!)

With this playlist I really focused on keeping the length down, since I wanted every song to count and ideally keep the whole thing around an hour in length. This resulted in a lot of songs that kind-of-but-not-really fit Simon having to get cut, which was painful but made the fanmix better in the end, and part of the reason why this whole thing took so long, hah. I did however save them all in a separate playlist, so if after listening to the main one y'all want to see what didn't make the cut, feel free to listen here (do know it's not in anything resembling order, though).

With that said, it was a conscious decision to devote 3 whole songs to the chip breakdown, because I feel like while objectively it didn't take up 18% of his life, subjectively in the moment I think it probably felt that way for him.

The first and last songs really serve as bookends to the playlist for me. With the first not even fully a song, rather a spoken word 3rd POV narrative about a robot and last one literally named 'Simon', it felt right thematically about how he sees himself. I'm not sure if we get any explicit musings about the chip from him in that light in canon, but Tej's line about his "super-humanity ... or super-inhumanity" stood out to me in that regard. Especially since it's all but said that he didn't have much of a say in getting it installed in the first place, did he ever feel like the robot people considered him to be? And how did that change?

At the same time, there's so much more to Simon than just his chip, and I hope that shows through the songs I picked as well (if you look at the dates added, you can see I only found 'Until It Kills' yesterday, and that finally completed the playlist for me). I wish I'd found a song that managed to convey him & Miles as a team specifically, but that proved surprisingly difficult as so many songs of that nature seem to be written with a direct parent-child relationship in mind. Still, I'll add it if I ever find it.

ALSO, so damn hard to find songs with spy-related lyrics, I've used so many different search terms and engines and still nearly every result is instrumental music or about a specific incident. I think I have enough in here that it works, and I'm sure those songs exist somewhere, but the internet in all its glory did not choose to reveal them to me (if you know any I'd love to have a listen, I probably won't be adding them to this playlist however as I really just want to be done with this mini-project asdfghjkl).

Edit: aa I forgot to say the one specific thing I wanted to, which is how the line "play dirty" in the song with the same name for me really links back to Galeni's line in Memory: "Damn but Illyan fights dirty when he fights" <3 that's my guy,,

And as said in the description of the playlist, first few songs are very much inspired by the fic Aral Vorkosigan's Dog by Philomytha (since it might as well be canon for me).

And finally, for fun, my top 5 favourite lines that just feel so Simon Illyan to me out of every song in the playlist:

"But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home / Sitting all alone inside your head" - Through Glass by Stone Sour "With the hands of time around my neck" - Hourglass by Motionless In White "Nano-electrodes pulse the thrum / One note to beat my heart, beat my heart, like a drum" - Yes I Know by The Pack a.d. "I testify if I die in my sleep" - Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea by Fall Out Boy "Keep them safe inside your home / If it kills you" - Until It Kills by Midtown

If you've read this far, thank you, and do let me know what you think of the playlist and if there are any songs/lines that stood out to you, I'd love to know <3