#making him do the recent awful things he contributed to

[comicdez]

Do you think an ambition can have regrets?

+ a quick colored Mark. Bition i just finished today!

[prince-liest]

was recently talking to a friend about qi rong which then lead to me going on a reread of my favorite qi rong fic EVER, and now I’m in my feels about him, his relationship with his family, and his relationship with xie lian and guzi.

I just love qi rong a lot. to be clear, he’s a horrible little gremlin and that is a lot of WHY I love him - but I also think that fundamentally qi rong is a character who is super traumatized but does not receive sympathy for that trauma because he is not traumatized in a “palatable” way which is a trend that starts when he is young and just never ends, canonically, at any point in his life

right from the bat: the first 5 years of his life, he's being physically and emotionally abused, he's cast out to live in a shed, his mom is forgotten by her family. by the time she finally escapes his abusive father and goes back to the palace, her elopement with him has been swept under the rug and most people don't actually know what happened - and are then weirded out by her and qi rong, causing all the children and even most adults around qi rong to basically refuse to interact with him. so he's abused and hated, then isolated to the point where nobody talks to him, nobody plays with him. the one time he thinks he succeeded at attempting to make some friends, it turns out that they tricked him into writing a death wish for himself and his mother on his lantern.

and all the while, he's watching xie lian and the adulation he receives, not understanding why xie lian gets those things and he does not. everyone always says he looks like xie lian. he’s even called xiao jing, like he’s a mirror of the crown prince. what’s the difference?

and then xie lian himself is the only person aside from his own mother to be genuinely kind to qi rong. qi rong is desperately lonely, envious and fixated on the cousin that nobody will stop comparing him to, and then said cousin is the only person to reach out to him with kindness. of course he wants to attach himself to xie lian and emulate him.

unfortunately for both of them, then his mother dies - not just randomly, but specifically in defense of xie lian’s mother, and having extracted a promise for xie lian’s parents to care for qi rong. however, things don’t actually change at that point. sure, they take him in and buy him whatever he wants, but as far as love and care are concerned, xie lian is really the only potential source of those things left for qi rong. xie lian is also a teenager with a lot of pressure on his shoulders and a lack of understanding of difficult situations. of course he doesn’t know how to raise his traumatized, misbehaving cousin! and nobody else bothers to. it’s deeply unfair for xie lian to be used as the singular tool to discipline and direct qi rong, and that directly contributes to their extremely soured relationship.

now that qi rong’s mother is dead, there is nobody left around that actually wants him or is willing to put effort into properly raising him. when a kid turns out as wild as qi rong - that's not just random happenstance, that happens because they weren't parented right (or at all). he acts out in increasingly insane ways for the attention everyone hates to give him - anyone's, but especially xie lian's, which sucks for xie lian because it should have been his parents providing qi rong with an authority figure and source of love, not xie lian's teenage self. and people respond by waving him off, giving him whatever he wants just to make him go away, and ignoring him, because he has a deeply off-putting personality.

and it causes everyone around qi rong to resent him in this vicious cycle that escalates his behavior because he doesn't know what else to do - until eventually even xie lian, the one person that he really looked up to, hates him too.

obviously qi rong is an awful person by the point we reach in canon, but I also think that if he had received regular hugs as a child and maybe some actual parenting from someone who didn’t beat him, instead of just being given a bunch of money and being told to fuck off

specifically because he was weird and traumatized and unlikeable

things would have turned out very different for him. because he very clearly tries - that’s one thing that’s very clear in the flashbacks and even continues to modern canon: qi rong really tries to get love and attention, and when that doesn’t work, he just escalates to “any attention, bad attention, attention that proves I’m worth something, proves wrong all the people saying the supposedly-amazing cousin that took away my only source of kindness when he started hating me, is so much better than me”. he starts out an awkward, off-putting kid and ends up the night-touring green lantern. of course he holds enough resentment to end up a calamity. his cannibalism shtick doesn’t even read as genuine to me, it just seems like he picked out “what’s the worst, most attention-grabbing thing I can possibly be to pre-emptively justify everyone’s disgust in me” and landed on that.

(see also: I think it’s hysterical that he has very strong opinions and abilities as pertains to gourmet cooking, and then just uses them to lure in victims so that he can have his meal of Raw Unseasoned Human Flesh. you can’t tell me he’s doing it for anything other than the bit at this point.)

and that’s also why I think his weirdly wholesome relationship with guzi also makes a lot of sense. qi rong is a shockingly decent father to him (eventually), probably in part because he overidentifies with guzi also being abused by his father, but also, because guzi is literally just a kid and therefore is not someone that yet has the capacity to have all these preconceptions about qi rong, nor for qi rong to read into his words and be insulted, because. that's just a kid. there’s nothing to read into.

I think his treatment of guzi (eventually) shows that he's capable of being at least kind of decent (or at least functional), he's just never been in a circumstance where his trauma and relationships let it happen. his material life was always supplied for, but his emotional and familial environment in xianle was invariably toxic for him.

anyway, I think qi rong needs a shower and a hug, in that order, and then to be forced to learn to interact with people who don't immediately assume the worst of him. thanks for coming to my TED talk, I know it was long as hell.

[gabessquishytum]

No one is entirely sure how it started, as it came about so gradually. Certainly it wasn’t the job Hob Gadling was originally hired for at Endless Ltd.—in fact no one can quite recall what his original job was at this point, beyond that whatever it was he’s no longer doing it—but no one is complaining, as it’s generally agreed to be a major benefit to the office environment.

The idea is that if you request a meeting with him, and he accepts and puts you in his schedule, it’s understood that you’re meeting in his private office to have sex with Hob Gadling, Company Slut.

You wouldn’t think it necessarily to look at him. Sure he’s gorgeous and charming enough, but he behaves like your average friendly coworker—you wouldn’t be able to tell that underneath his business casual clothes he was wearing lingerie and a plug to keep him nice and open for his next “meeting”, or that he has a small closet full of other sexy little numbers and toys in his office (that the company gives him a budget for).

The whole thing mostly works because Hob is just so likeable, both in and out of meetings. He cheerfully participates in work events and hangouts and friendly office gossip, and remembers important details you shared about yourself and your life. And in meetings he’s open to most things, never makes you feel shamed or embarrassed for what you’re into, and always helps you clean up and put yourself back together at the end (and of course he’s an amazing fuck every time). Everyone remembers fondly the story of there being a mix-up and two different people showed up to Hob’s office at the same time for a meeting. Hob had looked at the pair of them and suggested they share the time slot, as he thinks they’d appreciate each other’s contributions. After that meeting the two started dating, and have recently just gotten engaged.

(Everyone also remembers with awe the story of the board meeting that was turning incredibly tense, and if it exploded the way it was threatening to it would’ve caused a lot of problems for everyone at the company. Then someone had the bright idea to call up Hob and ask if he was willing to come mediate. He walked in, then a couple hours later everyone walked out looking pleased and relaxed, all issues resolved. Hob stumbled out after them looking very rumpled, very satisfied, and very worn out, and everyone was very understanding when he decided to reschedule his next few meetings and take the rest of the day off.)

Currently, office gossip has noticed that Hob has been having a few more meetings than normal with Mr. Dream Endless, one of the CEOs (Hob usually goes to the Endless CEOs for meetings instead of them coming to him, so it’s easier to notice when they happen), and a few people think they’ve spotted the two of them spending time together outside of work, possibly in a date setting? General consensus is pleased for Hob and they wish him well, though some are concerned about what the relationship would mean for his job, both for their own interests and for his job security.

(Dream has no intention of ending or changing Hob’s position as Company Slut so long as he’s happy to keep doing it. For one thing, it’s clearly a benefit to the company; employee turnover is at an all time low, productivity is up, and morale has never been better. For another thing, Dream finds it all incredibly hot. The only way it’d be better would be if he could watch Hob at work, if it weren’t a violation of privacy for his other employees. As it is, Hob has taken to sending Dream post-meeting selfies of himself looking well-fucked as a compromise.)

-🪽anon

I like this concept soooo much. Company Slut Hob!

From 9 til 5, Hob works a very busy day. He usually grabs breakfast at the office cafeteria so he can say hi to his colleagues - he's a very social guy! And after that, he gets right to work. He mainly organises his own diary so from 9 - 11am he's mainly arranging "meetings", taking a few calls (some people like to just talk to Hob, and it's a service he happily provides as he describes his lingerie of the day). By late morning, it's time to properly get to work. Frustrations have been worked up, people are getting tense and frankly, some just need stimulation. That's exactly what Hob is there for. And aside from a quick lunch break, he's pretty much block-booked up until he staggers home at 5pm. Occasionally he works overtime - more than usual, ever since he's been spending more time with workaholic Dream... but of course so one wants him to burn out, so he has plenty of scheduled days off to relax and rest his tired body.

When an email finally goes around to the whole company announcing that Hob and Dream are dating, many workers nearly have a heart attack! But the email assures them that Hob will keep his job and nothing will change. The whole office collectively sighs in relief. The company would definitely collapse in less than a month if Hob had to quit! But if anything he seems more horny and full of energy than before. He's got new lingerie to show off, and Dream has given his whole little office a makeover so it's now even more comfortable for both Hob and his colleagues. In fact, some workers who weren't really interested in Hob’s services before start showing up just to cuddle on his big plush sofa and talk through their problems.

Hob deserves a very big bonus, and no doubt he'll get one... in the form of Dream’s cock and a blank cheque for him to spend at his leisure!

[downstarr]

The King and The Hobbit

I've ventured into a new fandom with a short piece that imagined Thorin survived The Battle of the Five Armies.

The King and the Hobbit (3928 words) by downstar Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield Characters: Thorin Oakenshield, Bilbo Baggins Additional Tags: Fix-It, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Canon, Thorin Oakenshield Lives, First Time, POV Bilbo Baggins, Dwarves in the Shire, The Shire (Tolkien), Bag End (Tolkien), Love Confessions, Declarations Of Love, Friends to Lovers, Post-Hobbit, Dwarf/Hobbit Relationship(s), Non-Graphic Smut, Bottom Bilbo Baggins, Top Thorin Oakenshield, My First Work in This Fandom, bagginshield Summary: Several months after The Battle of the Five Armies, the dwarves travel to the Shire to celebrate Bilbo's birthday. One dwarf in particular arrives ahead of his company to reconnect with Bilbo. --- I recently did a marathon rewatch of LoTR and The Hobbit movies. I hadn't realized on first viewing how close to being canonical Thorin and Bilbo's love came. Thought I'd try my hand at this fandom and do a little Thorin lives piece. It was great fun to try out a new world and new voices. With apologies if I made any canon errors! I am a pretty casual Tolkien fan.

EXCERPT:

It was two days before the 53rd birthday of Bilbo Baggins, and the dwarves of Erebor were on their way. 

As much as the Hobbits of the Shire did not approve of Bilbo’s wandering ways, his contributions during The Battle of the Five Armies and the retaking of Erebor from the dragon Smaug were already passing into the realm of legend. So, plans had been underway for weeks to celebrate his birthday with a lavish party.  

Reservations about his improper adventuring aside, what hobbit doesn’t love an excuse to throw a feast? 

Bilbo accepted the honour reluctantly, and only on the condition that the dwarves with whom he’d shared the quest would be invited. That nearly derailed the whole thing then and there, but after a bit of squabbling and peacemaking, the council agreed to the conditions. 

Bilbo had spent the last week bustling around Bag End, preparing for his visitors whose presence he felt was far more significant than his own turning of the year. It was no trivial matter to travel from Erebor to the Shire, even though the journey could be made in relative peace and safety - unlike their original quest. So he was aware of what a great honour it was for his friends to make the journey.

At the best of times, Bilbo could be full of nervous energy. It had been hard enough to keep up his facade as an ordinary, respectable Hobbit when he hadn’t gone off on an adventure. But now that the residents of the Shire knew that his respectability had been a facade, they looked at him even more askance. That, in turn, had made him even more self-aware, especially as it felt like the entire Shire was attending his birthday party. There was admiration and awe in the way the Shirefolk looked at him, as well. Just because a Hobbit didn’t want to go off fighting dragons themselves didn’t mean they didn’t admire his courage. 

Admiration felt almost more awkward than disapproval to Bilbo. But he’d slowly been learning to lean into the attention. Still, he felt very relieved and excited that his dwarven friends would be attending as well. And one friend in particular. 

Bilbo was just finishing stowing away the most valuable pieces of silver and sentimental knickknacks when there was a knock on his door.

As Hobbits tended to be very well-mannered about not dropping by unannounced so late, Bilbo convinced himself he’d imagined the knock and went right back to his tidying up.

The knock came again, this time harder and unmistakable. 

Bilbo crept cautiously from the kitchen toward the entryway, peering around the corner and doing a little halt-step. The movement of a shadow outside the window convinced him there was indeed someone out there. He twitched his nose, flickered his fingers, then cautiously stepped forward to pull open the door.

The figure was broad-shouldered and heavily cloaked, and no hobbit. 

A moment of fear spiked down Bilbo’s spine. His adventure had shown him the wide word, but it had also made him much more aware of the mortal danger that most hobbits had the good fortune to never see. He started to reach for Sting, which hung just behind an old coat he kept by the door. 

“You look upon me as an enemy, Bilbo Baggins. Surely these few months haven’t changed things between us so much.” 

Bilbo immediately stopped reaching for his sword. The spike of fear turned to joy. “Thorin?!” 

The bulky figure passed into the light of Bilbo’s entryway, revealing the most welcome face of the King Under the Mountain. Thorin smiled, the corners of his eyes wrinkling. “You sound surprised. Did you not invite us? Shall I go?” He motioned behind him.

Bilbo stood there staring at Thorin. They hadn’t seen each other in many, many months. When he’d left Erebor, Thorin was still under the care of Tauriel, whose Elven healing had saved him a mere breath from death’s door. Even then, his recovery had been long and slow, and Bilbo wasn’t certain that the King of Erebor would have the strength to make the journey to the Shire.

But now, here he was, standing right in front of him. Bilbo stared at him, and as he did, familiar, confusing feelings bubbled to the surface. He was somehow more handsome and noble than even his memory. He looked hale and healthy, though one hand held a silver-topped cane.

“Well?” asked Thorin with a roll of amused thunder in his tone. “Can I come in? I won’t do you the dishonour of pushing my way in uninvited as my kin and I once did.”  

“Oh yes! Yes of course. You are most welcome. Most welcome, indeed. Come, come,” Bilbo reached out to catch Thorin’s arm and pull him inside. He looked past him and stepped out onto the porch. He’d expected a gaggle of dwarves to be in Thorin’s company, but the lane was quiet save for the singing of cicadas.  “You’re alone?” 

“I left my company behind in Bree, where they will stay for the night. They will make their way here tomorrow. But I wanted to come ahead, to see you before the madness of the celebration to come.” 

Bilbo closed the rounded door and found himself staring at Thorin again. He wore a travelling cloak, but as the weather was still mild, it was not rimmed in fur. Even without that added bulk, the broad set of his shoulders was apparent. 

Bilbo reached for the cloak, and Thorin shrugged it off into his hands. He staggered under the weight of it. “Please, come in. Have a seat. I’ll make us some tea. Are you hungry?” He bustled off and gently set the heavy cloak on an armchair, then made his way back to the kitchen. He rocked on his feet, his whole body humming with unexpected excitement and a touch of nerves. 

Thorin rested his cane against the wall. He stood a bit askance and it was clear he was favouring the side where the orc blade had cut him clean through and nearly taken his life. “I wish nothing of you but your company, Bilbo. But…” he grinned softly, “...a cup of tea would not go amiss.”

“Right! I’ll get right on that. I’ve got some lovely cakes as well. The food is quite horrible in Bree. You’re probably dying for a bit of proper food after so long on the road. I’ll…”

Bilbo’s bustling was stopped in its tracks when Thorin caught his arm.

Continue reading on Ao3

[salted-caramel-tea]

What are your thoughts about?

I was gonna try and collect my thoughts coherently before I started talking bu ti cant be bothered doing that so like. about the dream and that one circle of mcyt that just fucking hate them .

actually this is about how I have felt observing the dream space recently.

im uncomfortable?? not with the dream team, I still really love them and I enjoy their content and I do still watch sap naps streams if im awake for them but honestly taking time just to spend time on my f1 blog has been like a weight lifted from my shoulders.

just talking about dtblr, ive seen people trying to make the best of the situation by live-blogging sapnaps streams making jokes spreading positivity for all 3 of them but it doesn't really of much to take away from the pressure of the situation. Every day it seems like some cc somewhere has something to say about dream or George or sapnap and every day we rush over here to discuss it. it almost feels like theres this pressure to perform and to respond to what is being said, we need to discuss everything as a controversy no matter how stupid or insignificant the situation is and we contribute to the snowballing of tiny things that honestly dont need the attention the theyre getting and its tiring to watch. like im at the point where im scrolling past 'did you see what x said' because honestly I dont give a shit I dont give a shit about a cc who spoke to the dteam on discord maybe twice talking about their 'truth' I really dont care .

im genuinely just fed up with the way the creator space and fan spaces behave. Dream posts 'pls talk to me' and creators say 'but that won't get me clout' back to him.

who gives a shit if dreams stole punz girlfriend. who cares if dream sent a dm that might have been considered rude to Sara Simons a fully grown ducking middle aged woman with better things to do than start twitter drama. who gives a shit about sniff having one insignificant negative interaction with dream over a year. none f this is your fucking turret its just airing out high school level petty drama that could easily be fixed with a fucking dm . its pathetic. the way so many creators are going 'I too am a victim' and its 'he sent me a private message I didnt like' who fucking cares. and all of this 'ill stream explaining my story' what story. that he made a joke in bad taste. its performative. they want views they want twitters support they want to seem like theyre on the RIGHT side so theyre just pulling any old story out of their ass to add to the mentality of the mob and make it seem like yes I too hate dream because he is so awful when in reality he was probably just a bit of a twat like a lot of guys in their early 20s are . the only way hes gonna know that he did something that made u annoyed or upset or even mildly fucking miffed in the case of Sara fucking Simons is if you tell him. and we saw that bc 5 mins later shes saying oh its all fine he messaged me . see how fucking easy it is to actually fix these tiny ass issues if you actually have a conversation before launching a hate campaign on twitter dot com . and people going off to run with it and add it to the pile of 'poof' they have. hell ive seen someone saying they appreciate dream saying they want to talk about situations and saying they want to chat with him about an experience they had with one of his friends like what does that have to do with dream actually why not just take the initiative and talk to the actual person involved instead of making dream do it for u. its all just drama mongering

on a more serious note I really dont know how to feel with the whole situation with caiti. George didi fuck up and im not moving from that stance- whatever happened he made her feel uncomfortable and went on the defence instead of prioritising apologising to her for the way she felt about the situation.

what I cat fucking stand is how weirdly this situation has evolved. the initial statement was that he had touched her waist and tickled her and cat didnt like that. THAT CONTACT the touching of her waist was spread across twitter as a sexual assault. which its fucking not and it pisses me off as a victim to see how loosely terms of sex crime are being thrown around bc no matter how uncomfy you are touching your waist is not a sex crime. there was no mention of inappropriate touching actually, just that he had crossed a physical boundary with her and ive already talked about why I can empathise with that delayed reaction in feeling deeply uncomfortable with the situation . so it confused me as to why people on tiktok were spreading misinformation that his hands were down her pants and cat coming out of left field with he was grabbing my tits. because none of that was ever discussed in any of her prior statement and that seems like pertinent information when were discussing sexual assault. and from what ive seen her friends timeline of events dont match up with hers. her timeline of events onset even match up that well with her other comments on the situation and all of it just feels so fucking odd. why do the details change depending on who you ask and when you ask them

but I wasn't there. I dont know what actually happened. having experienced it you automatically hold that understanding towards her despite all the backlash because people blamed me too, they didnt believe me either and you never want to completely dismiss it no matter how weird the story seems because what if. keeping myself in the situation is stretching myself in two different directions where one is dismissing the claims of assault because nothing adds up and the other is she might be like me .

the reaction to caitis initial statement has snowballed extremely out of proportion if u ask me. nobody needs to know everyones personal grievances with dream or George or sapnap and to say that youre sharing these to support victims is a straight lie bc it has nothing to do with victims they receive nothing from your story that he made a bad joke 3 years ago or whatever and everything to do with the fact that you are utilising an opportunity to gain relevancy again and I dont want to partake in their relevancy.

I dont want to partake in any of this fucking drama actually. it's non stop. it's constant. its all over my dash all day every day but maybe its just the ppl im following idc. but I dont want to come back into a community where im going to find myself fighting to justify why I still enjoy the content of some creators while there are other creators receiving less vitriol for breaking the literal fucking law . its exhausting . its been years of it for me .

im not mentally well. I have a lot going on in my family life and I didnt realise how bad things were until I told my work friend I hadn't seen in a while my 'family drama' and she and the assistant manager pulled me aside and said 'im so sorry youre going through that right now are you dealing with everything alright?'. I have my final exams within the next month. I need to pass these to graduate. I have so much that is already causing me stress in my life and so much of the misinformation around the situation is so triggering and untagged and I dont want to log on and see another bout of 'x responds to x' 'x talks about dream' 'x shares thoughts on George situation' . I cant fucking do that right now.

people have called it the cowards way out, bailing at the burden of controversy but im not switching sides. im not deactivating. im not becoming a dranti. I still talk about the dteam i still like the dteam but I cannot force myself to endure other peoples stresses at the time being . thats all ive been thinking about rlly .

[silvermoon424]

What did Reagan do that caused America to slowly decline on itself?

Reagan was horrible for a lot of reasons, but one of his biggest contributions to America's decline was his propagation of "Reaganomics" and neoliberalism in general. You can look up more on Reaganomics to get more details, but basically Reaganomics slashed government spending, reduced government regulation, cut taxes (especially for the wealthy), and advocated for "trickle-down" economics. You'll notice that all of these are typical Republican positions today, but it was a lot less common before Reagan and Margaret Thatcher took office.

Income inequality became significantly worse during the Reaganomics years, and because he helped propagate these policies to the GOP they're still repeating them ad nauseam. Most recently, Trump initiated similar tax cuts for the wealthy. That wealth is gonna trickle down any day now!!!

Reagan was also very anti-union. In one infamous event, he fired over 11,000 government employed air traffic controllers who went on strike to demand better working conditions. Having an anti-union president isn't exactly great for unions.

There's also his infamous handling of the AIDS crisis; he and his administration didn't start addressing the disease until thousands of Americans had already died and their response was lackluster at best. The Reagan administration is also hugely responsible for helping turn the Middle East into the mess it is today via their funding of terrorist groups that opposed Soviet Russia. Osama bin Laden was literally our ally for a time.

Another awful thing Reagan did was how he handled mental health. When he was governor of California, he signed a law which made forced institutionalization or medication of people who might be suffering from mental illness significantly more difficult. That sounds great on paper, but it resulted in many severely mentally ill people becoming homeless and without treatment.

Jimmy Carter signed the Mental Health Systems Act in 1980 with the intention of fixing our rapidly declining mental health system. Ronald Reagan repealed it in 1981.

Oh, and he also popularized the myth of the "welfare queen" and generally advocated for slashing social safety nets and while also making the country look down on those receiving federal help.

There's more, but hopefully that's enough to help you understand why Reagan's legacy is still awful for the United States. But he’s been deified by the right so good luck criticizing him.

[chatonnoir]

hi i wanted to let you know i have been into miraculous literally since PV days but have strayed from the fandom since around season 2-3 when "salt" stuff started getting really popular. i was tired of seeing my favorites being mangled beyond recognition to fit some weird revenge fantasy, so i just stopped. recently though i missed the blorbos. its people like you who genuinely love the show and the characters that have made my more recent experiences incredibly lovely and fulfilling. thank u :]

Aw thank you honey :’) truly as someone who got a little in to ML in 2016 and enjoyed the cute fan content and saw how much fans praised it but didn't keep up with it, only to come back to it a couple of seasons later and see how insane the fandom had become over those few years .... it is truly exhausting and baffling to see what people do to the show now. Ig this is the danger of too much self-projection and a lack of critical thinking. Even people who claimed to be done with the show in season 4 continue to run blogs obsessed with """criticizing""" the show for the stupidest and most petty things possible on a daily basis, instead of just ... walking away from it if it doesn’t appeal to them anymore. It can really give you a headache.

But it all makes me think of that one quote from the end of Ratatouille (the movie which is indisputably Pixar Animation Studios' magnum opus): "the bitter truth we critics must face, is that in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is probably more meaningful than our criticism designating it so." ML as a show means so much to so many people of all age groups and backgrounds across the world. ML is far more meaningful and loved and contributes far more to the world than any random schmuck's salt post/fic/comic/video essay about it on the internet. ML is a sweet show! It's a cute and fun show! It's a kind show about emotions and relationships (platonic and romantic) and the power of love but isn’t designated as a Girls Show(TM), as shows with these themes often are, so boys are watching it too! And it shows us a male superhero being soft and sensitive and a hopeless romantic and in touch with his emotions without shame and a female superhero who loves him for it! Which is so important!

Similar kids cartoons when I was growing up, things like Danny Phantom, always had the romance as not an A or B or even a C plot but basically a Z plot. Literally on the back burner. An afterthought. Not something that was created out of passion and a belief that the characters would love each other and rather just thrown in because a main heterosexual relationship for the protagonist Has to be there, for some reason. Romantic moments would be limited to The Romance Episode(TM), wherein the "romantic development" is just like ... the characters accidentally held hands or kissed or something, and would often boil down to "this boy and girl are friends so OBVIOUSLY they have to like each other," without ever really showing me why they actually love each other. And don't get me started on allll the pieces of media with a forced heterosexual romance that is little more than "this male and female character have romantic and sexual tension because they're a male and female character." Or all the pieces of animated kids media where the main male character immediately likes the main female character because she's The Pretty One (As much as I love ATLA and k/ataang, even ATLA did this in the first episode). This all always felt so lacking to me as someone who was so enamored by love even as a kid.

Then comes along ML. Chat Noir didn't fall for Ladybug because he saw her and was taken with how she was Pretty. We know he thinks she's beautiful but he was completely unaffected by this fact when he first met her!!! It wasn't until he saw her stand up to evil that he fell for her! A male character falling for a female character not because Wow She Pretty but because of her bravery and cleverness and determination to stand up to evil and do good? That shouldn't be groundbreaking but it is!!! And it's beautiful!!! And Marinette didn't fall for Adrien because he was The Hot Guy or The Cool Hero or just because he's the male character and she's the female character so she just Has To. She fell for him when she saw his vulnerability and kindness!!! I would've LOVED to have grown up with a show like ML.

God the romance? I’ve never seen so much delicious Yearning in any other western kid’s cartoon. The door scene? Hoowee.... The way each of them so desperately wants the other to see both sides of them. The ending scene of Glaciator, when Ladybug is supposed to be “rejecting” Chat Noir and Chat Noir is supposed to be giving her a platonic cheek kiss, and yet it’s one of the sweetest and most utterly romantic scenes in the show. The sad undertone of Ladynoir, of being best friends but not being able to know a single thing about each other’s lives. The pure romance of the umbrella scene. The coup de foudre.

And it doesn't matter if the episode is romance-centric or not because ML has given us a male and female hero duo with so much genuine love and affection for each other that it's palpable in every episode from the very first season (especially if you’re watching in French lmao). Just... the sweet way they talk to each other, where you can hear their fondness for each other in their voices. The way they tease and roast each other. The petnames. The way they support and protect and take care of each other in and out of battles (specific moments like Ladybug looking after and reassuring Scaredy-cat Chat Noir in Reverser and Chat Noir putting Ladybug’s yo-yo over her mouth for her so she could breathe underwater in Truth make me so insane). The whole concept of “them against the world.” The way that even while loving Ladybug, Chat Noir has no problem telling her when he disagrees with her. The way they will have disagreements/conflicts that are completely in line with their established character traits and weaknesses, but aren’t able to stay mad at each other for more than a minute because of their softness for each other, and always come back from it because above all else they care about and love each other. It’s so unmatched. That’s love bitch

Speaking of how their conflicts are completely in line with their established character traits and weaknesses - the characters are incredibly deep and human and consistently written with motivations and personalities and flaws that all make so much sense! And they’ve developed so much since the start of the show! And the two protagonists mean so much to and resonate with so many people, kids and adults alike. Plenty of people have gone in to the depth of Adrien’s character and why he’s meaningful to people for paragraphs on end so I won’t repeat that, but I rarely see people talking about the beauty of Marinette’s character so I just have to point out like... A female superhero who is not a Strong Flawless Girlboss Who Needs No Man but one who is basically a female Peter Parker? A female superhero who is awkward around her crush and kind of Ridiculous and a hopeless romantic who makes stupid lovestruck faces at pictures of said crush and likes girly things and the color pink and wants to hold her boy’s hand and barely has her shit together and sometimes makes bad choices but is ultimately trying her best to balance her Great Power and Great Responsibility with her civilian life and relationships? Like, I’m not in to comics so sorry if this is inaccurate because I’m only pulling from Spider-Verse, but even Marvel’s attempt at making a girl Spider-Man through Spider-Gwen made her this cool badass with an undercut. I don’t want another Black Widow or Captain Marvel or whatever!!!! I love that ML basically gave us a female Spider-Man who is just as much of a complete disaster as Peter Parker was (talking specifically about Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield versions). I love the way both Peter and Marinette fuck up and make mistakes and bad choices and struggle to balance their two lives and accidentally end up hurting or pushing away the people who are close to them while they’re trying so hard to do what they think is right and protect the people they love with no real guidance. The loneliness of keeping their identities a secret through all that knowing that one slip up could put everyone they love in grave danger. Not to mention Marinette’s very blatant neurodivergent coding that is so clear in everything she does? Seeing her ADHD brain basically become her strength when she’s Ladybug through the bizarre connections she can make with random objects in a split second, just like how someone with ADHD would go on seemingly bizarre and random tangents mid-conversation because their brain latched on to something and quickly made a whole bunch of connections in a short amount of time while the other person was talking? Chef’s fucking kiss baby.

And I love the episodic adventures format!!!! Lots of people do!!!! The rewatch value of every episode is so good!!! Not everything has to be a 10-ep-per-season HBO drama where each 1 hour long episode is solely focused on moving the plot? People who ask for which episodes are important and which ones are “filler” that they can skip when starting ML are so weird. The fun of ML is watching all of Ladybug and Chat Noir’s fun adventures together in every episode? I love watching them just Being Ladybug and Chat Noir while they fight bad guys and have their banter. Episodes can just be Fun!!! Episodes can just exist to BE fun and silly or to explore a specific friendship or relationship rather than being focused on the main villain plot and that’s not a flaw!!!!

tl;dr: ML is a fun and cute show with very relatable, human characters and shows a beautiful, deep, powerful loving relationship between its male and female superhero leads that a lot of similar cartoons and even movies aimed at adults can’t pull off and a lot of people genuinely love this show because of it.

[jokeson-u]

ok so u know how even though allie and nat clearly weren't friends or anything, nat was somewhat protective of her when it came to the other members? like, defending the fact that shes a freshman, arguing about how freezing her out is bullshit, how angry she was at taissa after allies leg broke? i have a headcanon that when they were all junior varsity players, the some of the varsity girls treated nat like shit, and it totally contributed to her freshman and sophomore years being shit. and it wasnt cus she was a crappy player; natalie was always pretty good on the field. but some varisty girls still saw her as an easy target for other reasons. they often made jokes about how the locker room smells like booze and cigarettes the second she walks in, and about her generally worn down clothing. they talk a lot about how gross they think it is that she hooks up with older guys as a freshman/sophomore and joke about not wanting to catch anything from her. there was probably a couple varsity members who didnt participate and/or sometimes told the others to back off. natalie wanted to be that kind of person for someone, and she cant help but get defensive when the girls talk shit about allie.

on a more lottienat note. i picture there being a yellowjackets gathering after a game pretty early on. some varisty girls laugh about how they're glad natalie got the hint that she wasnt invited, and the JV girls are kinda uncomfortable cus they actually do kinda like natalie but they dont wanna get the same treatment so they usually dont say anything. at first, anyways. cus once the conversation goes past saying theyre glad shes not there and turns into random shit talk that isnt even true, lottie speaks up and says they shouldnt talk about her that way. the JV girls are kinda shocked and most the varisty girls were confused and vaguley annoyed. but they kinda laughed awkwardly about 'JV looking out fir JV, how cute,' and change the subject. of course, that made lottie a target to some of the particularly judgemental varsity girls. its not as bad as with natalie, but they give lottie a hard time and talk about how spoiled she is and that they heard she takes pills at lunch and this and that. natalie tells them to shut up once when she hears them talking about lottie, and it only makes things worse for her but she doesnt really care. lottie never has had a bad thing to say about her and is the only person that doesnt treat her differently when theyre around the varsity members

also, I think nats dad died near the end of sophomore year. while most the particularly bitchy varsity members graduated, a couple still lingered. all the news said was he died from a self inflicted gun wound to the head, so theres a lot of talk around the school about what really happened. a few days after it happens, nat still isnt at school, and some of the girls in the locker room swap theories theyve been hearing about really happened. one heard from her friend that nat dad was an employee at his dads shipping company and was recently fired, which is probably why he killed himself. another girl says she heard natalie is the one who killed him, and it was covered up cus shes a minor. lottie instinctively blurts out that natalie didnt kill him. the varsity girls kinda roll her eyes and ignore her, but one agrees and says he probably killed himself because he got sick of living in a trailer with a drunk wife and slut daughter. van yells 'hey!' without thinking at the same time as shauna goes to speak up before jackie stops her. a varsity girl who wasnt talking shit actually backs the JVs up up and tells varsity to drop it and focus on getting on the field. the remainder of the awful varsity members graduate soon after that. come junior year, the girls all made it to varisty. but at that point, natalie wasnt interested in being cloe to anyone on the team. mostly due to mistrust. but she always liked lottie for not treating her differently back in freshman/sophmore year, and van isnt too bad so long as natalie isnt drunk and getting weird looks from her. but she can be weary of taissa and mari, who can be pretty harsh with the JV players. obviously nothing like the varsity girls nat dealt with, but still, it rubs her the wrong way, so shes the first defend them from any unnecessary scrutiny

[spurgie-cousin]

Yes do tell the story of the ring! We are a bit behind in Holland (sister wives-wise lol) but from what I've heard Christine told a story about Meri and now Meri is pissed?

Yea so Christine recently told this story in one of the "one on one" episodes (I wish they'd just call them Tell Alls but w/e) and Meri got mad because she said it wasn't a story she wanted to be public. But people realized afterward that this story had also been told by the lady who catfished Meri and Janelle, who mentioned it in an interview before Christine so.........idk if she just didn't know about that or she just needed to take some of her anger out on Christine or what.

Here's what happened: So when Kody and Meri first got legally married, they exchanged rings as one does and Meri got Kody a gold band with maybe some diamonds in it? And he wore it for years, even after he married Janelle and Christine, it just kind of functioned as his all-inclusive wedding band and he and Meri considered it to be a special symbol of their relationship.

So this next part is the version told by Christine and Meri and disputed by Robyn: Apparently around the time Kody was getting ready to marry Robyn, he just stopped wearing the ring all of a sudden, and when Meri noticed she understandably was like "hey where the hell is my ring" to which he said, "oh, I melted it down and saved the gold and the diamonds". Robyn says this happened waaaaay after before (i had to edit that my bad) she came into the picture though (spoiler alert, you can see Kody wearing the ring in the first episodes of the show while he's dating her so. She's lying.)

Christine says he told her that he did this because he "didn't want to feel like Meri had any power over him" anymore (which ??????). Another way Meri phrased it was that he didn't want to feel like she had any "claim" on him, and that was all the detail they went into. But according to Janelle, he used the gold and diamonds to make rings to give to some of his daughters, idk for what occasion. All of this was seven years before Meri's catfishing incident btw, and she insinuated that it really contributed to her feeling lonely in her family.

So Meri was obviously extremely hurt by that because he didn't ask her or even warn her he was doing this, and each wife had their little special things with Kody and that one was hers. After that they started the Claddagh ring tradition where Kody wore one and so did all the wives, but according to Christine at some point before she left Kody stopped wearing the Claddagh ring and he and Robyn went out and designed a new one? So he wore that for a while, and then most recently he and Robyn were out shopping and he saw some ring with a horse on it and now he wears that one, which he's explicitly said is only a symbol of him and Robyn's commitment.

I think a big reason Meri got mad is that before Christine told the story, she and the interviewer (Suki) were talking about the aforementioned stupid horse ring and laughing at it, and Meri for some reason took that as Christine laughing at her (imo she wasn't at all). Christine was already being asked questions about rings and probably though the story was fair game since it's been told before.

Anyway, I just think Meri was really embarrassed/hurt and didn't know what to do with all of it. And honestly, for me, it's hard to fault her for that because what a fucking awful, humiliating, belittling thing to do to someone who's supposed to be your spouse.....just from the stories we know about, Kody has treated her like absolute garbage and I think any sane person would have a hard time knowing how to deal with that.

I'll post the video though so you guys can see for yourselves and let me know what you think.

[hd-fangfest]

HD Fangfest Week 1 Roundup

We hope you've had a bloody good time checking out the works posted this week! Follow the links below the cut for the things you haven't had a chance to sink your teeth into yet, or to get another taste of the ones you loved! Fangs you! Your Fangfest Mods 🧛🏽‍♂️

🦇 Heart On Your Sleeve by @crazybutgood [5k | T]

Draco’s finally returned to England after fleeing to France when he was turned into a vampire. Pansy and Blaise try to drag Draco's moping ass out of Malfoy Manor, but he’s still reluctant while doing so. Until he stumbles upon Potter’s cafe.

🦇 Love Bites, or How Draco Malfoy Learned to Let Go and Celebrate His Allure by @m0srael [50.7k | M]

Recently-turned Draco Malfoy is doing his very best to be a normal, productive, contributing member of wixen society. So far, he's managed to keep his bloody little problem a secret, even from his best friends. But when the professional opportunity he's been dreaming of finally falls in his lap, he finds himself with much more than just a potential promotion. Will a profile on a new creature-exclusive dating app, a wolfy stranger who seems hellbent on liking Draco just the way he is, and a little self-confidence help Draco finally love himself and his newfound community?

🦇 Willing Blood by @lqtraintracks and @the-starryknight [2.1k | E]

Seven days together, years ago; seventy-four hours and thirty-eight minutes trapped in this house alone; and now one chance to stop himself from draining Potter dry. Will Draco take it? Will Harry let him?

🦇 Feral Heart by @bluesundaycake [6.3k | E]

Fifty years after the Second Wizarding War with Voldemort, Harry Potter is a different man. But worst of all — Britain's a whole different world, one where those like him are never safe. Everything is grim for Harry, until one day Draco Malfoy makes the front page of the Daily Prophet.

🦇 The Seventh Life by @corvuscrowned [18.4k| E]

If Draco had looked the other way, he may never have seen him again. But Draco turned, because he always would have turned. He found him, because he always would have found him - in life, in death, or in Paris. OR: Draco is an immortal vampire. Harry is trapped in eternal cycles of life, death, and reincarnation. They meet again in Paris, and the seventh life isn't any less complicated than the first.

🦇 Nights turn into days [ART] by @pato-roldnart

Vampire!Harry only wants one thing: another immortal to share the years with, to crochet warm jumpers for, to love and pamper and be pampered by, and whose blood—drunk while they hold each other close—tastes like home.

🦇 Blessed are the Lambs (Do You Walk With Gabriel?) by @cannibalschism [50k | E]

It's been eight years of this. Eight years since the tug that drew Harry like the tide pulls the earth towards the Camerlengo and Vatican City. Eight years since he'd last felt what it was to think freely and not around the wretched, awful din. Eight years since the bars of his gilded cage had slammed shut around him all while the Camerlengo spun the key on his conniving finger. But it was today when Draco Malfoy walked into St. Peter's Basilica, looking so young as though the years had passed him by, and smelling like pennies and dead leaves.

🦇 Glowing by @cavendishbutterfly [9.7k | T]

Harry's lived alone and vampiric in his cottage for ages, until a long-lived Draco Malfoy suddenly shows up to answer an advertisement Harry had practically forgotten he'd put in the Prophet. Cue soft blood drinking, quiet nights of reading and crocheting, and Harry thinking that maybe--just maybe--he might not be so alone anymore.

[takerfoxx]

Well, I just got some interesting news that I can't really discuss my real feelings with in real life, so I guess it's time for some really bitter trauma dumping.

So, um, I don't know how many of you remember, but there was a little incident a few years back where, after living with my cousin and his girlfriend for about three years, they asked me to move out so they could have more "privacy as a couple," which basically meant tht they were having issues again and thought that having me leave might help make things easier on them, despite them being the ones who had reached to me to ask me to move in with them. Due to a number of other factors, not the least being that this was the third time my roommates had done something similar and the second time of it being due to a couple doing what they felt was best for them and leaving me holding the bag, this caused me to have something of a mental health collapse, and I've been struggling with anxiety and, as I just figured out, depression ever since! And yeah, there were a lot of other things happening that contributed to that,

But here's the thing: the first couple to do that, who were my best friends, ended up divorcing a couple years later. And apparently, it got ugly.

And as I recently found out, my cousin and his girlfriend ended up breaking up just the other week, and from all accounts, it was volatile.

So you can imagine that I have a lot to process. Like, what the hell am I even supposed to feel? On the one hand, I feel awful for my cousin, since I know he cared a lot about her. On the other, I've been mad at him for two years now because of everything that's happened (basically, a few weeks before he asked me to leave, I had talked to him about them having treated me like more of a guest than a resident for a while now, and he reassured me that it wasn't the case, that he did want me to feel like that was my home, and that it wasn't, and I quote, me versus the couple, only for him to drop this on me a very short time after), so there's that. And it also means that I went through that whole hellish experience, had to throw away seven years of my life, and have it all be for nothing. But at the same time, it also weirdly feels like there's this weight taken off my shoulders? Like, something inside me that got turned off when everything went down has suddenly turned back on again? Which sounds awful, but it is something that I've noticed.

I don't know. It's a mess. But mainly what I've come away with from all of this is that my whole life seems to have been spent getting caught up in other people's relationships, from my parents to my siblings to my friends to other members of my family, getting stuck in their drama, sometimes literally getting sacrificed by the couple in hopes of salvaging things, only for it all to end badly anyway. And every time I've been expected to just take it.

You know, these last few months I've been reconsidering how I feel about being aromantic, as the downside is that I've spent so much time being the third wheel and always ended up as the one left behind, but in light of all this? Fuck it. I'm so glad I'm aromantic. This shit isn't worth it.

Anyway, sorry about the angry venting. I just needed to get it out of my system.

[thiotchi]

I wonder if Zoro has ever melted at the sight of Law and Chopper having fun and visa versa with Law when he sees Zoro and Bepo

Chopper would be a lot more hesitant (Torao is scary, Zoro!) but sometimes he can be too curious for his own good and he really wants to know how the surgeon cured those kids back on Punk Hazard and he's a surgeon, Zoro.

Zoro: Surgeon of Death Chopper: Don't remind me!!

So. Chopper hesitantly asks Law if he could maybe help him with a large medical text that Robin recently bought him? And while they're at it, maybe Law would like to read these couple of books as well?

The two bond over sharing medical knowledge (and it certainly doesn't help that Chopper is a tiny, little fluffy thing outside of battle and Law misses his crew, okay?). And Zoro is proud, because while he misses his napping buddy (they still nap, but Chopper is definitely awe-struck with having an older doctor around so they don't get to nap as much), it also means that Chopper is getting more out of his comfort zone and - listen, Zoro is good at listening to the reindeer ramble on but he can't contribute to the discussion.

And if he sees the two together on the deck of the Sunny, he might develop a (not so) teeny tiny crush on Law to boot.

It happens much more easily with Bepo. For one, Law has been part of the group through Dressrosa and Zou, so Zoro and he have had time to, uh, bond. Multiple times (but I digress).

They're on the way to Wano and Chopper is on the Sunny, off to Whole Cake Island to save the shitty cook and Zoro needs a napping companion. Technically he doesn't, but it helps.

One day, restocking supplies probably, he sees Bepo laying out in the sun on the deck of the Polar Tang. All that white, fluffy fur makes him miss Chopper more.

Zoro: Oi, Bepo, right. Bepo: Huh? Zoro: Want a napping buddy? Bepo: Do I?

Then Zoro spends the next half-hour laying against the polar bear mink's side, slowly falling asleep as he listens to Bepo talk about how his captain doesn't nap with him as much as he used to, back when it was just the two of them with Shachi and Penguin. Sometimes he uses Bepo as a pillow but doesn't really relax, you know?

And if Law almost keels over, hand gripping his chest, when he gets back to the Polar Tang to find Bepo and Zoro sleeping together, then you know the entire Heart Pirates and Straw Hats with them will make fun of him for it in the future.

[diabolikpersonals]

is there any Shuuma scenarios/headcanons/ something like that you have recently been thinking about?

yeah, always!! in the yuma CL route labyrinth ending, shu (and everybody else other than yuma and yui who live, and kino who dies by Murder) dies by getting trapped in a burning building right? I love me some hurt/comfort so I've been imagining the Recovery Process if things were really bad but shu and the others managed to make it out alive. (bonus points if not everybody survived lol)

details under the read more B)

while the mansion is burning and there's a magic barrier keeping everyone inside, I like to imagine shu and yuma both trying unsuccessfully to break it from both sides. like they're face to face, both pounding on the barrier with their fists to break it and escape from the fire, but to no avail. and they make eye contact and they both look so scared, because they think shu is going to burn to death right in front of yuma's eyes.

BUT HE LIVES OK there's probably some bad injuries but let's say it doesn't result in everyone's death ok?? ok. but yeah maybe somebody dies, idk who though to be honest >_>

we get yuma on the receiving end of some "my friend (almost) died in a fire and it was my fault" angst!! after 4 games of being the friend that almost died in a fire, it's his turn to be the powerless survivor! thanks, chaos lineage! I love u!! (of course, in the game, his friend really did die, but........yknow)

there's something so terribly cruel about recognizing how much recovering that shu has done over this series (less afraid of fire, less guilty, less afraid that his loved ones will die as a result of getting close to him) and then putting him in such a horrifying situation that it all goes away and he's back at square one. it's awful, I love it.

after the scarlet mansion burns down, everybody packs into the orange or violet house to figure out what to do next. shu freaks out anytime someone lights a candle, uses the stove, etc. he's struggling to talk to people or help out with anything. he's such a wreck that nobody really knows what they can do or say to snap him out of it. it feels like, because he had recovered so much, he fell even further and it's even more painful this time.

I think I fixated on this so much because usually, yuma uses tough love with shu, right? yuma kind of has a thing about showing emotions (like he doesnt think men should look weak or "uncool") and I think that contributes to why he treats shu the way he does. he can act very, like, "you're fine, walk it off!" "dont make a big deal out of this thing, let's just brush it off and go back to normal!" yknow?? and I wanted to create a situation where yuma absolutely cant do that. because right now (especially if somebody else died in the fire) yuma is also grieving, he's also afraid, and he doesn't want to be acting cool or brushing it off right now.

so even if the others are trying to go about business as usual, I want yuma to realize that he can't do that this time. fuck his "men shouldnt cry in front of others" thing, shu and yuma both need to cry. fuck all that toxic masculine stuff, they need to hug it out and be there for each other until they both realize "at least you're here, at least you're safe, at least I didn't lose everything." and with that bit of hope they can start the recovery process again

for a while shu refuses to leave the living room and go to sleep, and the others are bothered by it. he doesnt seem like he's getting any sleep at all. yuma eventually coaxes him into saying whats wrong, and he finds out that one of shu's compulsions after the fire is that he feels he needs to stay awake and alert in the living room In Case Something Happens. I think it would be a rly big moment for them if, instead of getting annoyed, yuma was like "okay then we can take turns as lookout. you go to sleep now, I'll stay up and keep watch."

and as time passes they gradually get less anxious. they're getting better little by little. they dont feel so high-strung about it that they cant sleep. so they start dozing off together in the living room during lookout duty lol

[rockroselazuli]

TOA Anniversary Munday

Celebrating TOA and the people who contribute to make our group what it is.

Repost, don't reblog. Only fill in what you feel comfortable sharing!

Happy anniversary, TOA! Here's to many more years spent together.

Tagging: myself

Name: rai

Pronouns: he/him

Birthday (no year): december 28th

Where are you from? What is your time zone?: colorado! mountain time zone

Roleplay experience: ooooohh my god um. like 15 years maybe?? most recently on twt. i used to rp on tumblr back in high school though and i'm SO glad to be back cause i missed it. rping on twt is awful i need to be able to write three thousand words in one post

Got any pets?: my kitty selkie :)

Favorite time of year: autumn.. i love pretty leaves and comfortable weather and halloween and pumpkin flavored things god bless

Some interests and things you like: drawing, audio drama podcasts, birds, sugar, cosplaying, horror

Some funfacts & trivia about you:

i collect plushies

i have 14 tattoos and my next one is gonna be grima

i write original stories and someday i'm gonna make a webcomic

What non-Fire Emblem games do you play?: pokemon, animal crossing, other miscellaneas things

Favorite Pokemon type & Pokemon: type is flying & pokemon is absol. my absolute belovedoh my god that was not supposed to be a pun

How did you get into Fire Emblem?: my childhood friend was really into radiant dawn and told me all about it and then i mentioned it to my dad and he was like "oh yeah fire emebeleme i wanted to try out one of those games" so he bought radiant dawn bc it was the one i talked about and. we did not know it was a sequel for the longest time.

What Fire Emblem games have you played?: 7, 9 & 10, 11 & 12, 13, 14, 16, 17

First Fire Emblem game: radiant dawn

Favorite Fire Emblem game: awakening

Any Fire Emblem crushes? 😳: g.. gregorgy. also sephiran and naesala. and rafal why is gregory the only human here

If you’ve played the following games, who was your first S support? Who would you S support nowadays?

- Awakening: tharja. now i would gaius if i wasn't so attached to him being inigo's father always

- Fates: silas. now uhhh mmmm?? m. i don't know WAIT. keaton

- Three Houses: i don't remember?????? what the fuck. um. oh nevermind it was claude lmao of course it was claude. and i would do it again

- Engage: no one i uh. seem to have completely missed the chance somehow. anyway i'm going for alfred this time cause alfred/alear is everythign to me

Favorite Fire Emblem class: KINSHI KNIGHT but basically just archers in general. and DANCERS i love them

If you were a Fire Emblem character, what would be your class?: um.. idk but i'd like to think i'd be the donnel archetype cause aptitude is my only chance

If you were a Three Houses character, what would be your affiliation?: golden deer!!

If you were an Engage character, which Emblem would you Engage with?: either micaiah bc i like her or um. yeah. i would go with claude also but not when the Other Two are in there can you imagine the bickering

How did you find TOA?: a couple of my mutuals on twt are here!! waves at them

Current TOA muses: yeehaw

Who was your first TOA muse? If you don’t have them anymore, could you see yourself picking them up again?: not toa but my first fire emblem muse ever was volug. yeah i could write him again

Have you had any other TOA muses?: not yet but stay tuned

Do you think you have a type of character you gravitate towards?: yeah lmao. i've got a couple archetypes that hit me like a train every time

What do you believe you enjoy writing the most?: characters with weird ass emotions

Favorite TOA-related memory: i haven't even been here a month yet but this event is really fun

How do you pronounce TOA? 🤔: just the letters lol

Got any delusions that didn’t see the light of day that you’d like to share? 😉: back when i was on twtrp i kinda wanted to pick up ashe but then. i didn't. because ferp on twt is a nightmare and ashe was a popular character (i was cyril. safe in my little bubble)

[csa-survivor-confessions]

(?)

Warning: long. If replying is too exhausting, feel free to ignore this <3 I understand it dw

It's been years and I (f19) still can't talk or think about it for longer times without shaking. I've told quite a few peopleby now and sharing feels good but I wish I could take it back. I hate that I no longer have control about my memories once I've shared them. I am already shaking rn and I want to get over it. I feel my gaze kind of zonig out? Like my pupils are focused on a point that doesn't necessarily exist and everything else fades. People walk behind me or I make eye contact with someone and I suddenly hyperfocus on everything around me, I guess I'd call it episodic hypervigilance but I think that's a ptsd term and I don't want to take that away from them? Like how people use trigger so liberally, I don't want to contribute to taking terms and estranging them from their meaning.

I feel so guilty for constantly thinking people will hurt me if they hug me for a second too long or comment on my outfit or sth. In addition, I've found myself in a fwb situation 1.5 years ago (we were 17 and 19 back then which is legal) where she choked me without asking before. Which was fine because I probably mentioned that I was into that in casual convo before and we were drunk but I was so confused that she didn't ask. I was into it but it bothered me. And after that, I just needed proof that she wanted to assault me. Which isn't fair to her. Like, she wanted to try sth once and I said no and then we had sex later and she asked again while we were having sex and in that situation I couldn't bring myself to refuse. During sex eye contact and talking is difficult for me but I haven't explicitly communicated that to her. She would have definitely accepted a no btw. And I just found myself getting rly drunk on purpose to see if she would have sex with me anyway etc. and it's so messed up and I feel awful for it. There was also another time I explicitlysaid I wasn'tgoing to have sex with her that day and she tried to initiate it like two times anyway and I very clearly said no. After that she got it and I even teased her back because a part of me wanted her to try again, to hurt me and ignore my boundaries I ended the fwb thing eventually and didn't have sex since then, not even with my bf. I kinda think I don't want to? And I definitely don't want to be cruel by just thinking they're going to hurt me. I feel awful. She didn't do anything wrong, I'm so unfair.

Things have been better until recently. I'm trying so hard to just get over it. I go weeks without really thinking about it and then suddenly I remember when I was 15 and he 22 and we talked about moving in together once I start Uni. And I wonder how things would have been if I had stated with him. Sometimes I want to text him but it's gotten a lot better & less frequent. I'm still shaking.

I have had so many nightmares that I don't wake up anymore. I usually don't remember them. When I dream journal or sth I start remembering my dreams and usually they at least have bad elements and have included sa a lot, including me sa'ing other people younger than me and I hate myself for it even if I know it's just my fear.

I haven't had those in like two years though which is amazing. Atm I never remember my dreams and I'm so glad because I don't want to but I'm also so curious?

My memory too. It is foggy and I want to know what happened to me in more detail. But this is getting way too long, sorry :( I guess I'm worried I'm an awful person and I'd just like to be okay again and idk what to do. I feel like I'm too hurt considering it was nccsa and digital. I simultaneously feel like I'm not hurt enough because I have no trauma disorders or sth so maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Trauma is confusing and I hate it.

Hello,

It sounds like you are experiencing a lot of trauma responses. Dissociation, hypervigilance, toxic shame, difficulty communicating, body memories and relationship difficulties are all related to trauma responses.

Whether your psychiatrist/therapist/social worker diagnosed you with them or not. Not meeting the criteria for PTSD doesn't mean no trauma responses are happening. Personally, I might look for a provider who is more trauma-informed if this is something possible for you who might still work on your trauma story even if you don't meet PTSD criteria.

The idea that sharing the specifics of your trauma always makes you feel better is false. Being unable to talk about it without activation and feeling stressed is perfectly normal. And you can't make yourself feel it or not, it's a sign that you are having body memories.

Our bodies will react to the talking about the abuse and cause you to have things like shaking, having a dissociative response (vision changes), and yes hypervigilance. Hypervigilance doesn't only happen if you meet PTSD criteria and it very much sounds like that is what you could be experiencing. No one owns terms like dissociation, triggered or hypervigilance. Using terms incorrectly and or as a joke is when it hurts survivors and you are not doing that so you are not taking anything from anyone.

Someone choking you sexually, without explicit ongoing consent is assault. Talking about something outside of the situation and causally is not consent. Liking a sexual act when it's consented to do and talked about before, but not when it wasn't agreed to thoroughly makes sense. 

Many kink communities wouldn't even have been fine with you being there because you were seventeen. This situation was not you distrusting someone for no reason. What she did is wrong.

It also sounds like there were barriers to you fully enjoying the act, which makes sense in the context of having past sexual trauma and it sounds like you haven't fully talked through what is and isn't wanted in sexual situations. And you struggling with that makes sense, yes it can be good to talk but you're not at fault for having trauma responses during sexual acts.

I understand that things were somewhat better between you, but it does sound like you were not acting healthy. Getting drunk to try and pursue sex is definitely unhealthy behaviour, trying testing people to see what they will do is definitely harmful. It is something to be aware of and trying to get better is important. However, it doesn't make you a bad person as you are working to be better. 

Her trying to convince you to have sex after an explicit no, even if it was "only" two times is not good behaviour. I understand there was some trauma playing up and feeling like you need to be/deserve to be hurt. Her behaviour isn't then okay and you were having trauma responses. 

You are not being unfair, you were hurt in this relationship and being upset about that is normal.

Having memory issues and nightmares are both classic trauma responses. Dissociation can affect memory recall during trauma and nightmares about trauma or trauma-related content are common experiences for trauma survivors. Not being sure if you wished you remembered or not is a very common abuse survivor experience. 

Wondering what would have happened if you had taken other actions is just something common to people in general. That doesn't mean anything other than you're a person.

You can't brute force yourself better. I'm glad you have had periods of being less affected! Working on handling your trauma and working through these hard emotions can move forward to not have these episodes of worse trauma responses as well.

You are not a bad person, your pain is valid, and you deserve help and people to hold your story.

Be Blessed,

-Admin 2

[tobeblamed]

Excuse me let me walk through the door here - talk to me about the first time dean told lisa he loved her 🥺

god i'm soft just thinking about it okay so.

it was a casual tuesday afternoon ; ben was at school. the two of them were doing chores around the house. dean had been helping out with all kinds of chores, primarily because it helped him keep busy and thus, keep his mind distracted. it also allowed him to contribute to the family who took him in and was slowly starting to feel like his own.

that tuesday, he took it upon himself to use the new, fancy vacuum cleaner that lisa had recently bought to make their lives easier when it came to house cleaning. dean, however, had avoided using it ever since it was first brought home because it looked a bit complicated to use. in his defense, there were a lot of buttons on that thing, and the chances of messing around with the apparatus and breaking it by accident were high. so, up until that day, he'd stick to using a sweeper and clean the traditional way. but that tuesday afternoon, his newfound confidence encouraged him to give it a try. he didn't ask lisa for help ; he simply announced to her that he felt ready to take it upon himself and use the fancy vacuum cleaner. his task started out smoothly and, he was halfway through already when he realized he was getting the hang of it. he was proud. he kept flashing proud grins at lisa too to let her know that he was, in fact, doing it.

and then the time came when he needed to scrub the rugs clean ; and to do that, he needed to change the settings. " damn it, come on. " he could swear he was almost close to cracking it. but that electric device was far too intelligent that it would shut down on impact. and it shut down multiple times on him when all he was trying to do was get it to work. lisa was supposed to be working in the garden at the time, so he didn't ask for her help, as he wanted to finish his part.

but she came inside nonetheless — maybe she suspected it from the lack of noise coming out of the vacuum. as dean knelt beside the vacuum cleaner, looking all defeated, lisa approached and gave him a helping hand by explaining to him that she also a bit of trouble remembering how to use it ... which was why she had written numbers on each of the buttons with a marker to remind herself each step.

dean stared at her for a bit, eyes looking in awe. lisa smiled at him, feeling a bit nervous at his silence. that was when dean chuckled as he exhaled a cheeky, " i love you ". lisa's smile faded slightly as her eyes widened and her lips parted ; her talklessness was far from silent, because although she didn't utter a word, her entire expression was practically begging dean to reflect on what he had just uttered and not dismiss it as a casual expression of endearment.

but dean didn't take back what he said. in fact, he owned it. as he stared back at her widened, pleading eyes, he nodded as he silently confirmed to her that he did, in fact, reflect. he did, in fact, mean it.