#mari x akilah

[lesbianjackies]

posting these mari thoughts i had on here too bc i can’t stop thinking abt her like UGH

[owltrifecta]

all i hear is your heart. Twenty-five years later, Mari still hears the drip. A quick little Mari lives au (unless she is the mysterious eighth survivor after all). Mari/Akilah, rated T, 1500 words exactly. For my dear friend and Mari Understander @thunderon<3

Stewed pine nettles, fried larvae, boiled belts. Flesh charred so black no one could tell that it once danced and joked and laughed. You weren't a cook so much as an illusionist. You helped the others pretend. With every serving, a promise, a lie: this is not what we all know it is.

[scribbledonausednapkin]

Okay hear me out: Detectives Akilah and Mari and the case of the Missing Crystal.

[asalesbian]

Yellowjackets -> Akilah & Mari

1.07 | 2.01

[vanswolfbitez]

Whoever the fuck bullied deerlottie off of his platform I hope you fucking cunts die a horrible death and I curse it onto your future generations too!!

Transphobia is not okay and just because you don’t agree with trans headcannons doesn’t validate your shitty behaviour and mindset, and I’m literally disgusted by the idea that people in the Yellowjackets community genuinely think that they can behave this way to someone who was literally just having fun on his own page.

He wasn’t forcing his views onto anyone, and he wasn’t causing any harm. Assholes need to learn to leave people alone.

I never really interacted with Josh through my actual accounts, but I was an anon of his for a while and really enjoyed talking to him through those means, and I hope he will one day be comfortable enough to come back on to the platform so I can ask him what he thinks of random UK sweets again.

Cause yeah, we didn’t know each other, and we didn’t talk much, but his blog was very important to me to help me go through my own bout of gender identity issues and I know it helped so many others too. So fuck anyone who ever hurt deerlottie’s feelings, or diminished him, or targeted him in any way.

And if you see this by some random miracle Josh, I hope you’re doing okay, and that you are happier without the pressure of asshole transphobes. Sincerely, your biggest fan.

[jollyreginaldrancher]

More realistic Yellowjackets hcs

•Van is squeamish af. She nearly threw up when just talking about Allie's leg in the pilot, and she almost throws up everytime you finally get to pick a movie and you go for a horror thing.

• Shauna would be one of those girls that could never pick what to eat. She would drag you to hell and back before she'd finally just go with one of the same three restaurants she always chooses. Even though she always picks the same she still wants you to suggest every place in town before she reaches a conclusion.

• Nat and Van overshare with each other. If you're with either one of them you will get smug looks from the other.

• Nat and Van also share their porn stash. Van has the decency to hide it but Nat just leaves her magazines on her night stand. You only ever knew she shared them with Van because you saw one of their trades. Nat tucked a folded up mag into the back of her pants. Van hid hers in the bottom of her schoolbag. You cringed so hard when you realised that's what they were doing. Nat stole them during a house party and Van let curiosity get the better of her and long story short they'd been trading them all year until you found out and used the rolled up magazine to beat Natalie over the head with.

• Van absolutely tries to build a house out of breadsticks every time you take her out to a restaurant for dinner.

• She tries to make an igloo out of waffles.

• You're on the team, on Away games and you share a room with Nat. She climbs on the bed and rocks it back and forth making it squeak and makes moaning sounds when you're on the phone with your mom. If Van is there she will join in but she will be blushing the whole time.

• Trying to get closer to Taissa involves being forced to take part in her morning constitutionals. Only her morning constitutionals involve 45 minute morning runs. And her legs are so long you are constantly trailing behind, and with her, everything is a competition so she straight up leaves you in the dust. You've gotten lost in her neighbourhood multiple times when she's left you behind to run ahead.

• Jackie's inviting you to weeknight dinners with her parents and expecting you to sit idly by while they passive aggressively destroy your confidence. She gives you yours back though after dinner when she lets you top her on her frilly bedsheets.

• Jackie makes you leave her house after dinner, get in your car, drive to the house next door, out of sight, then sneak back and climb up to her window to hit it.

• Sitting in a pew in the back of Laura Lee's church, your hand resting on the stretch of wood between you. You scratch your chin and return it absentmindedly only to find her hand is also resting between you...her pinkie is close enough to touch. You breathe heavily as you ghost your finger against it only for her to react by parting her fingers. Not a lot, but just enough to interlink your pinkies. Your heart is thumping so loud you swear the whole congregation is aware of it. You stare forward, your eyes glazed over as the priest chants Κύριε Ελέησον.

• After church one day, you hang back with Laura Lee as your parents all mingle with other members of the church. The two of you climb to the second floor, way in the back, and lie down on one of the pews, head to head. You look up at her, and she looks up at you and smiles. It's the same pious smile she always gives you but this time you swear her gaze fixes on your lips a moment.

Her parents call her over to go home and she sits up abruptly and waves at you as she bounces nervously away.

• Akilah spends most of her free time with family. Her older sister and her husband both work, so she and her mom get saddled with babysitting her nephew a lot. She sits around the house watching tv and doing homework with a baby on her lap most days. She's supposed to put him down but he's sooooo cute she just can't bring herself to.

When he's a little older, you two sneak him his first bit of chocolate. Well, less sneak, more he reaches over and shoves your entire ice cream down his throat at six months. He doesn't get to the cone before Akilah pulls him away but half your scoop is gone with him. Akilah apologises profusely but you just laugh. She offers to buy you another ice cream and you suggest a rain check. Your first date is an ice cream date when she's no longer grounded for letting him have ice cream at six months. He was fine though.

• Mari doesn't have nieces or nephews yet but she has so many cousins and they all get together and play soccer at family get-togethers. She is not the only one in that family who's on a soccer team but she's the only one who's going to nationals so the competition is stiff with all her cousins competing against her to prove they're all just as good. You may not be the best but she starts dragging you to all of these get togethers so the two of you can ratio her entire family together.

She normally wears jumpers and ties her hair up and stuff but her family notices that she dresses in way more form-fitting clothes and lets her hair down when you start coming to these things and ALL make fun of her for it. I'm talking little baby cousins who look up at her and make kissy faces behind your back and you feel a breeze when you turn your head, and hear the thud of a couch cushion hitting a seven year old at full force.

Oh no, her cousin spilled some juice on you now. Guess she has to bring you to her room, alone, and give you something to change into. You hear another Thwack behind your back as she ushers you down this hallway to the back.

A few cousins grin at you both through the window so she rushes to shut the blinds... She's red as fuck at this point. You're in her room and it's the designated coat room so she pushes a big pile of coats off to the side so you can sit down. She rummages through her closet and finds something that's lowkey a little revealing but she realises her whole family will see you in this so she reaches for a turtleneck instead. It's way too hot though so she just grabs a yellowjackets tee and hands you that and pretends to look around her own room while you change.

• She sniffs it when she gets it back.

• Melissa wears her hat backwards so she can be more easily identifiable as a skater. She's the only girl skater in the school but she doesn't get that much shit for it because she's also a jock on the soccer team that's going to nationals.

• She absolutely tries to rizz you up while skating around you.

• She absolutely loses her focus and eats shit while trying to hit on you.

• You give her your number out of pity.

• She writes your number down on her arm and then uses that part of her arm to wipe the sweat off her brow.

• You realise she's not playing dumb for the bit but you give her a shot anyway. You spend a disproportionate amount of time applying bandages on her and talking her off dumb stunts.

• Had there been any flat surfaces in the wilderness she could have used to skate on, she would have been the first to die.

• Gen...fuck it I don't know shit about Gen. Maybe she's a ninja. Yeah.

• latchkey kid with one of those dogs that's small enough to fit in a bag. It's fluffy and smol. She brings it on dates and feeds it breadsticks when her date isn't looking.

• Gen likes to dress that dog up in funky little outfits. Sometimes she matches it. Has a box full of pictures of her dressing her dog up.

• Misty can and will drag you into the equipment room for some alone time at school.

• Still plays doctor. Doesn't realise that the objective is not to heal the patient but to get close to the patient and feel them up. On the upside she has a full nurse costume. Not a sexy nurse costume, an accurate replica of a nurse costume. So accurate she's banned from wearing it at the local free clinic. Because 12 year old Misty tried to wear it to the clinic the way kids wear princess costumes to Disneyland.

• Van and Natalie subscribe to the sniff test. These jeans Nat's wearing were at the bottom of her used clothes pile but it doesn't matter because they passed the sniff test. Can Van pull off wearing that hoodie for a third day in a row? Yes, because it passed the sniff test. Sniff test.

• Van and Nat have burping contests outside Denny's at 3 am.

• Misty goes to sleep at 8pm every night. Even Laura Lee thinks that's way too early and she has a strict self-imposed bedtime at 10:30.

• Jackie's skincare routine takes the better part of the night.

• Shauna makes you sleep on the floor because she kicks in her sleep and it's her bed so...

• Lottie can come up with an excuse for shit at the drop of a hat. Usually it's excuses for why you shouldn't leave her house and why you should stay over. Lately she's been using excuses to get away from you though and it's worrying you. Nevermind she just wanted space to throw you a surprise party. Wholesome ass.

[taiturner]

wlwsource's month long pride event ↳ favorite non canon ship ♡ AKILAH & MARI

[witchthewriter]

𝐘𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐣𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐬

I need to speak about a show I've just finished watching. Desperately.

*Spoilers ahead*

When the HELL is season 3 coming out? Will there be a bonus episode? I feel like my whole brain has been dragged into a pit where the only clue to escape are the words; 'figure It out'. I have read/listened to/watched as many theories as I can and god, some of them are amazing. I think my favourite would have to be that Shauna and Jeff's daughter's full name is Jacqueline (although it might be a stretch, it would still be fucking amazing). The ambiguity of 'is it something supernatural,' or 'was it us all along.' UGH! Okay so to me, the cannibal scenes aren't that shocking - it's the middle of Winter, no food, everyone is starving. It makes sense. There's logic to it.

However, it does become a bit more horrible when they have to choose someone to sacrifice. And yet I did learn, from another yellowjackets poster, that it was common and legal, for sailors who were shipwrecked to eat another person. HOWEVER! (this was in the 17/18 hundreds) and there were RULES.

But what I think we're going to see in season 3 is something more shocking then we've already witnessed. (I really hope we do). Especially since the death of Nat (rest in paradise my love) - what happens now? I kinda feel like Walter is going to be a big player in the Adult Timeline. But I think Lottie is going to become obsessed with Callie, her comment, calling her "powerful," was very ... off-putting.

Also when Nat and Travis are in bed and ... you-know-whatting- Lottie keeps coming up as a hallucination.

Here's what the co-showrunner had to say about it:

“We hope that the audience doesn’t necessarily interpret that, or doesn’t absolutely interpret that, as a love triangle. It’s not just like, Travis is having sex with Natalie but thinking about Lottie. That’s not it at all,” Lisco told The Hollywood Reporter when speaking about the episode, which released March 31. “It’s actually a battle between faith and pragmatism.”

(I just added that because I was like ... he's in love with Lottie now? But obviously that wasn't the case...)

I think overarching theme that girlhood is intristically violent, bloody and harsh. No we may not eat another person, but we do bleed every month, we do feel this unbridled anger at the world around us. There's much I could say on this...

If anyone has any comments, please please interact. You can even send me a dm! I'm quite literally obsessed with this show. ����🌿🌹

[incorrect-yellowjackets]

akilah: [traps a wasp under a cup]

mari: [puts two more cups down]

akilah: please no-

mari: [starts shuffling the cups]

[earthherbsandlove]

jackieshauna this, lottienat that. WHAT ABOUT SHAUNANAT?!?!?! SHAUNANAT?!?!?!?!

[cloveroctobers]

MARI — summer prompts 🍋

A/N: I’m not gonna hold you…I was not fw her at the beginning of the series but she definitely grew on me! The little ✨ in me wanted me to write for Miss. Mari with a hint of enemies to lovers so here goes nothing. Please don’t let me flop, or I’ll completely remove myself from the fandom lmao jk.

PROMPTS from this list: 1.) setting up a slip and slide in their backyard + 2.) bonfire on the beach.

WARNINGS: probably language, guns, high schoolers being catty? + slow-burn?

༄ ೋ ༄ ೋ ༄ ೋ ༄ ༄ ೋ ༄ ༄ ೋ ༄

[July, 1995]

“Who the fuck invited her?” Mari glowers over her shoulder, after approaching her friends and teammates—well the teammates that she considered her friends anyways.

It’s Gen and Melissa who immediately follow Mari’s trail of eyesight to see the fresh meat on the team, Akilah and their ex-teammate, Cosima Chandoo stepping onto the patio.

Gen snickers, “she’s obviously Akilah’s plus one because we sure as hell didn’t invite that traitor.”

Melissa shrugged her shoulders, red cup in her hand as she took a sip and then swallowed, “wasn’t me. Word travels fast.”

Which was true, what was supposed to be a simple yellowjackets team only exclusive party, turned into maybe forty or more people in this open backyard.

“It was probably whacky misty,” Gen adds, lifting her chin towards the curly blonde who sat, awkwardly nodding her head along, as if she was in on the conversation between Lottie and Taissa.

Mari deeply exhaled as her eyes briefly close shut. The mere presence of Cosima being here, at her house on this humid day in July honestly frustrated her. She wasn’t allowed to be here.

“You could always kick her out,” Melissa suggested, “it is your house after all.”

“Which was actually supposed to be at yours.” Mari snapped at the blonde who raised her hands In defense.

Melissa frowned, “Hey, how was I supposed to know my aunt and perv uncle were coming up for a surprise pit stop?”

“Who the fuck makes a pit stop in New Jersey?” Gen comments.

“Clearly they do!”

“Where are they from again?”

“Pennsylvania.”

“…that makes sense. How sad.” Gen mockingly placed her hand on Melissa’s shoulder who snorted and playfully shrugged her hand away from her.

Mari was already stomping away from their conversation, face not only warm from the sun rays but also from the sight of Cosima who seemed to be all smiles with Laura Lee and Akilah.

“Oh hey, Mari!” Akilah waves as Mari pushes a smile onto her lips.

Her eyes flicker between the group of girls for a moment, between Laura Lee twirling her signature cross necklace, to Akilah’s chipper smile but still unease in her posture trying to figure Mari out, and finally Cosima’s comfortability in showing her face.

“Cosima was just telling us there’s a bonfire down at Huntingney Grounds,” Laura Lee tells the dark haired girl who kept her heated stare on the heart-shaped afro-picked girl, “I probably won’t be attending after this since I have a curfew but it’s a cool idea to end the day.”

No, the cool idea was having everyone here at her house enjoying the slip and slide she spent a good chunk of time putting together this morning by herself, while Gen and Melissa ate away the snacks they were supposed to set up.

Mari swallowed her irritation, “I know about the bonfire already.”

“Right because Danny was blabbing about it down at Wawa’s?” Cosima finally spoke, her usual hoarse tone made Mari’s eardrums itch.

Mari pushed her tongue into her cheek at this, “why would I know about Danny’s whereabouts?”

Cosima blinked, “Are you not dating?”

“We broke up. Weeks ago…and you would know that if you were still part of this team, which you’re not so.” Mari was smug as she said this.

Akilah tried to ease the tension, “well I invited Cosima since I didn’t want to show up alone. Is it just me or do you hate entering spaces by yourself? It’s just super awkward. I thought it would be okay?”

“Why? You’re her replacement.” Mari gritted, confused at Akilah’s thinking as the brown-skinned girl appeared almost like a gapping fish; while she looked at Cosima and Laura Lee for some sort of help.

Cosima smiled sweetly at Mari, hands clasped in front of her, “And you’re still a bitch.”

Laura Lee cleared her throat then, “Girls…let’s just continue enjoying this lovely day without the foul language please! Must this truly be a debate when we’re all on the same team?”

“But we’re not,” she interrupted with a point between herself and Cosima, “not anymore.” Mari was quick to continue jabbing at Cosima who simply sighed, “This is a team members event only and Cosima here quit on us a long time ago.”

“Yeah because I wanted to break three bones in my leg, which caused me to further suffer from a severed artery that also left me with a permanent limp. Do you hear yourself Maribela?”

“Don’t call me that!” Mari hissed while Cosima scoffed.

Cosima knew how much Mari hated going by her full government name, since “Mari” sounded so much better and it was short, simple, and cute. Sure it sounded different coming from Cosima’s lips, compared to her veteran father who commonly barked her name and gave—some might say, cruel orders around the house.

Cosima knew bits of this and still insisted doing so, just to get underneath her skin. Just like Mari knew quitting the team wasn’t something Cosima really wanted to do. Who really wanted to suffer a injury so bad in front of the entire school? Which allowed further permanent damage to be placed on not only your body but mentally? Yet here Mari was throwing old salt in Cosima’s wounds and she really wished she could help it.

Wished she didn’t have so much hate building in her heart but…majority of the time the words were flying out of her mouth before Mari can even process them.

No the two girls weren’t the stars of the team but the extracurricular activity was a bonding moment. They weren’t the best of friends before the team or even on the team but they were nowhere near as bad as they are now.

What changed you might ask?

Oh you know…A shared kiss in Cosima’s bedroom, had Mari’s mind all scrambled. (yes she was still very much with Danny at the time this transpired unfortunately!) Just to break apart right before Cosima’s mother came to the door, completely oblivious and informing Mari that her father was here to take her home. They never got the chance to talk about what happened that night because Mari decided to avoid Cosima like the plague in the hallways. She fought even harder on the soccer field and she only allowed herself to really feel crappy about it after seeing Cosima in shriveled up pain during the last two minutes of the game; when a thunderstorm rained havoc on them all.

It’s not like Mari didn’t feel like shit right after it happened in the first place! She couldn’t find the words to say as she collected her things, mustering up a half-assed wave as she quickly fled Cosima’s bedroom. She was completely confused because she’s only liked boys like Danny—and that wasn’t much to go off of. What was she supposed to do about her pretty teammate with a puff of tied back hair that floated behind her just from her simply standing? What was she supposed to do when she started to like the crooked smile that sat on the corner of her bow-shaped lips that tasted like figs? What was she supposed to do when she felt her intense stare from behind her in trigonometry?

What was Mari supposed to do about the girl that threw her for a loop? She remembers watching Cosima in pain and wanting to hold her hand but there were a lot of people crowding her and a lot of blood she couldn’t stomach. However that didn’t stop Mari from shoving some teammates out of her way so that she could keep her eyes on Cosima, hoping that her stare this time could provide some comfort.

She wasn’t sure if it ever did.

Then came the requests during English to make your own personalized cards for Cosima’s heavy healing journey and Mari knew she wouldn’t write something so basic. So lame. She had to do something better than anyone in their year, a huge card made from purple construction paper where she swirled and curled out Cosima’s name on the front of the page. While the inside she filled with lots of glitter and wrote her message in a pink gel pen.

That didn’t exactly feel like enough so with some of the money from Mari’s piggy bank, she went down to the crafts store to make a small goody bag. She grabbed some things she had a feeling Cosima would like, like shiny stickers—she originally wanted to get her a TLC poster but it wasn’t in the budget, bubbalicious gum, fun-dip, a piña colada lip smacker, a neon translucent phone enamel pin, a bouncy eye-ball she could throw at her wall, a feather pen, and a mini beanie baby that she could add to her collection on her bookshelves.

Mari paid attention to Cosima’s bedroom and that night they shared, so she hoped her goody bag made her feel somewhat better. Like maybe she could make up for running away with trying to ease Cosima’s painful moments.

“Okay…then stop talking shit about me and the team and we’ll all have a good time, got it?” Cosima stated, arms crossed as she stared down at Mari who trailed her wide-set eyes from Cosima’s glowing copper muscular arms to meet her stare.

Mari dipped her head, finding herself, as corny as it sounds, suddenly lost in the hues of Cosima’s eyes—which was better than staring at her lips of course! It seemed as if she was tongue tied as Cosima gave a tight-smile before glancing back at Akilah who was still shocked this was happening.

The slightly taller girl with a head full of hair, walked by Mari who allowed it for a couple of seconds, before she also turned to Cosima’s retreating form, “yeah, I’ll fall back…as soon as you leave my house so I won’t have to see your face anymore, traitor.”

“Mari!” Laura Lee exclaimed but Mari held up a hand to silence the blonde.

Cosima stood with her back to Mari and let out a humorless laugh. It was the same cycle over and over between the two and frankly, she was getting tired of this.

“Hey everybody! There’s a bonfire down at Huntingney Grounds if you’re interested.” Cosima called out to everyone, gaining their attention over some pop track.

The sun was just beginning to burn a deep orange, fading below the blue skies, which means the air would start to cool soon. It took about thirty minutes to get out to the park and longer by foot or moped, like the purple one Cosima commonly drove.

This new information got everyone talking which made Cosima shrug at Mari over her shoulder. Soon she brushed by Mari and whispered, “I’ll see myself out now. Later.”

Mari wasn’t sure if she wanted to mess Cosima up or kiss her in that moment. Maybe both.

Mari can see from the corner of her eye, some of her classmates and even the yellowjackets began to collect their things!

“Whoa! The best time to do a slip and slide is when the night falls. You guys don’t have to leave yet.” Mari spoke to a classmate who simply shrugged and carried on.

Shauna answered, “The mosquitoes also get bad when the sunsets and I’m allergic so, I pick the bonfire one hundred percent but…this was fun so thanks.”

Mark scoffed at the brunette before her eyes settled on someone else, “Jackie, not you too.”

“Jeff’s gonna be there and I heard Danny too.” The large eyed leader winks at Mari who can’t help but to scrunch up her nose.

“I don’t care about Danny!”

Lottie mutters as she makes her way by, “Why because he’s banging Stephanie now?”

Nat snickers, joint pressed in between her lips as she simply shrugs at the glare Mari’s sending her way, smoothing her damp fried bleach blonde hair back as she also makes her exit.

“Okay you know what, all of you can get out then. See if I care!”

“I’ll stay and help you clean up.” Misty offered, making Mari’s icy stare turn to the glasses wearing teen.

“Ohh no, especially you. Get the hell outta here!” Mari pointed at the front as Misty flinched and began to speed walk away.

“You’ve got a nice way of treating your teammates Mari, really! Keep up the superb job and you may just be our new captain soon.” Vanessa’s voice dripped with sarcasm as she made her way by with a laughing Taissa.

Who also sent double thumbs at Mari.

Which earned both girls a nice middle finger.

She couldn’t believe everyone just decided to bail on her right now! All thanks to Cosima.

That bitch.

“Uh Mari?! Your dad’s back.” Melissa informed, now standing by the patio, hand scooping up another cheese doodle.

Mari’s eyes increased in size, bigger than Jackie’s as she began waving her hands around at the remaining guest. “Everybody out! Run!”

“Run? Can’t we just powerwalk our escape?” Taissa asked, arms crossed behind her head.

Gen immediately shook her head, tossing the red cup to the side, “you haven’t met Mari’s dad, he’s crazy! You better run.”

The way she was whispering was almost as if Mari wasn’t in ear-shot. The panic on her face was evident but Gen was definitely not the person to go to as a source of comfort as she fled the scene.

As the older man approached the screen door, Melissa let out a scream as she took off running around the side of the house, orange puff long forgotten in the grass. Mari felt her heartbeat in her ears, her breathing halting, the sun still warm on her skin. Her dark eyes settled on her dad, yanking the door to the side, shotgun in one hand as he stepped out onto the patio, surveying his sorta trashed backyard.

“Holy shit! Is he gonna shoot us?” Vanessa’s eyes were now wide as well.

Mari swallows the lump in her throat as she almost waits for her dad’s eyes to find her’s.

Taissa shoved Mari forward to lead the way as she mumbles, “We’re not sticking around to find out. Go.”

She stumbles a bit, being pulled from her trance as she focuses on getting her legs to operate correctly, stepping into a light jog with the two girls that followed after her, eyes occasionally glancing at the wild man at the door.

“Maribela! I see you! Get your ass over here, now.”

With tears burning her eyes, Mari dares a glance at the man—almost stopping but it’s Vanessa’s turn to grip her wrist and drag her along.

“Maribela!” The man continues to yell, gun aiming and ready to shoot.

And so he does, directly at the neighbors trashcan, by the girls ankles; setting off the neighbor dogs to bark at the noise.

“We can run now.” Taissa yelled, now leading the way as the three girls ran at full speed to the front of the ranch styled home and to her pale gray Nissan stanza.

Vanessa shouts, “Open it!”

“I’m trying!” Taissa shrills, finally getting her key into the door before she flings the door open to mash on some buttons, “It’s open!”

Which is enough for Mari and Vanessa to pull on the doors and hop in. It’s seconds before Taissa starts the car and pulling away from the curb and far from Mari’s household.

She looks back, seeing her father standing in the middle of the street as she retreats and she knows that this is only temporary.

“So are we gonna talk about what just happened or?” Vanessa pries as she peeks at Taissa and then stares hard at Mari, who just hopes she doesn’t start bawling in the backseat.

Taissa can see Mari has her attention on the moving scenery of the city and the way the palm of her hand is pressing into her mouth while the other is clenched is enough for the situation be dropped. Although it seems like Vanessa isn’t ready to let it go, saying this exactly to the driving long haired curly teen, the look Taissa sends the redhead is abundant for Vanessa to take the hint as it dawns on her that this is Mari’s normal.

The drive to the park is tense and the radio, which Vanessa has taken complete control over, only seems to be talking, which the girls were not! instead of playing music. She begins to search Taissa’s car for CD’s and at least some cassette tapes but comes up short much to her disappointment.

The girls at the front of the car have a bit of a bicker at that but eventually quit down to either listen to radio hosts or static. The static ended up being more soothing to Mari than the voices, believe it or not.

By the time the girls pull up to the park, the sky bled navy and the fireflies flickered yellow. The air smelled like fresh grass and burning wood as a slight breeze picks up now.

Mari’s holding the sleeves of her golden mustard yellowjackets hoodie, almost peering around to make sure her father didn’t trail after them in his pickup truck. Vanessa lightly nudged her with her shoulder, making Mari take a sharp inhale.

“Hey…let’s go.” Vanessa gently suggests as they circled around the car to where Taissa stands.

Taissa is eyeing Mari and Mari almost wants to snap something at her but the look in Taissa’s brown eyes is not judgment. Vanessa leaves the two behind as she almost prays there’s more booze at the bonfire after what they just witnessed.

Taissa falls into step with Mari, heading up the incline on the sidewalk to down the hills where the bonfire sat.

“…thanks for getting me out of there.” Mari says quietly, “and…I’m sorry he shot at us.”

Taissa nodded at the younger girl, “Don’t mention it.”

And Mari waits for Taissa to fill the air with questions such as, “Is he always like that?” “How can you live with someone like that?” “Has he ever actually hurt you?”

But they don’t come as Taissa only offers a small smile in understanding. She knows that if Mari wanted to speak further on it, she would. It was clear she was holding onto a lot and maybe she wasn’t the person she needed to talk to about this and that was okay too.

Taissa’s just glad no one died tonight.

Mari finds a empty spot on a log, pressing her elbows into her bare thighs as she looks around the park. Everyone is mostly spread out, a few faces she recognizes from school and her slip and slide and others that probably went to the community college here. She sees Jackie sneaking off with Jeff hand in hand, Gen seems to be dancing away with some guy she’ll ask her about later, Melissa is laid out on the floor in front of a log with her trucker hat covering her face, Shauna is seated on that log behind her almost glaring at the fire—probably pissed Jackie just ditched her, and lastly Mari sees Danny with his hand resting on Stephanie’s hip by a tree as she’s all cuddled up to him.

It makes Mari want to vomit at the sight. She thought she was in love with Danny but honestly he was just there to pass the time outside of school and soccer. There wasn’t much of connection there in the first place, he was just this goofy kid that was good at Math and had beautiful teeth.

There was no spark when they kissed but it felt nice to have him hold her and just to say that she had a boyfriend. That was about it to be honest.

She turns to her left then, spotting Cosima staring right at her. Mari rolls her eyes then, turning her attention back to the fire, assuming she probably looked like Shauna right about now.

A wave of something floral but citrusy hints her nostrils as someone sits down next to her.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Mari frowns as Cosima plops down beside her.

Cosima doesn’t answer right away but when she does, it doesn’t ease Mari’s irritation, “just sitting and enjoying the fire, what does it look like?”

“Yeah okay but you can go back and do that over there,” Mari huffs, sneaking glances at Cosima who was finally able to hold her stare.

“Nah, I think I like this spot much better.”

“Because you’re pissing me off?”

“A little bit,” Cosima smirks while Mari can’t help but to breath out a laugh of her own, “it’s kinda fun.”

“I’m sure it is for you,” Mari responds, “Ruining my party just to come to this…snooze fest instead.”

Cosima tilts her head to the side eyeing Mari’s semi-dry hair that waved at the ends due to the sprinklers, “your party was dying down anyway and Akilah and I saw your dad earlier before we got to your place.”

“What? Did he say something to you two?” Mari rushed out, suddenly worried.

Cosima shook her head, “No he didn’t see us. I knew he would be heading back home soon.”

Mari listened to what Cosima was saying to her just then. It sounded like she actually looked out for her in a sense and Mari wasn’t sure how she should feel about that. So she broke eye contact to stare back at the swirling flames.

The teen felt something placed on her kneecap while she dazed off into the flames. Blinking she glanced down to see a cube of something in a wrapper. Mari was hit with the sweet smell of strawberries as she brought it up to her eye sight before she looked over at Cosima who winked.

“Bubbalicious?”

“Uh huh.”

“Watermelon is obviously better.” Mari comments but that doesn’t stop her from unraveling the pink gum to toss into her mouth.

Cosima snorts, “you would say that.”

The small laughter lines appear by Mari’s lips then as she chewed and Cosima can’t help but to focus on them. How they curve into their own miniature smiley faces by the sides of her lips and her little mole on the left. She almost wants to place her fingertips on them, liking that there was a smile on Mari’s face for once tonight. But she doesn’t. She doesn’t want to be further rejected.

“Well you try and enjoy your evening, Mari.” Cosima pushes herself up from the log.

Standing, Cosima briefly stares at the fire for a moment but also wants to enjoy the company of Mari for a few seconds more—no matter how much they clashed.

Just as Cosima turns to begin limping away, Mari lightly reaches a hand out to press her clammy fingertips against Cosima’s warm ones. The touch is short but enough for Mari to feel Cosima begin to squeeze her fingertips back.

Cosima stared down at Mari, awaiting for what she says next.

“I’ll try my best,” Mari whispers, dark eyes almost shining as they look up at Cosima, “…You have a better one.”

“We both know I will.” Cosima teases while Mari rolls her eyes and let’s her hand rest back in her lap.

And with that it’s Mari’s turn to watch her old teammate walk away.

Once seated, Mari can’t help but to keep her eyes on Cosima, ember flames illuminating her skin as she chats away with a smiling Akilah, who notices Mari’s stare. When Cosima turns to catch Mari’s eyes again, she can’t help but to ponder if they could be something better…together.

༄ ೋ ༄ ೋ ༄ ೋ ༄ ༄ ೋ ༄ ༄ ೋ ༄

Continue along with my summer anthology prompts here.

[nogenderblender9358]

I have a maybe good idea

I don’t know if it's the fact that I’m really bored or my period pains are actually giving me good ideas ??

but I kinda want to start like writing. Maybe nothing too long. Maybe just like short little fanfic stories or even headcannons because I do like those.

I might not even stick with this . I might just write for myself and not even post it. Maybe no one’s even gonna read them or like them but I don’t really care. Not a lot of people follow me anyways. This could be a one time thing. But I do like trying new things.

I was thinking I would write for Yellowjackets because it’s my current interests right now maybe some other fandoms later . Movies or tv shows I enjoy.

other ones might be :

scream, arcane, maybe a little from fnaf I always wanted to write for Vanessa.

only thing is I don’t have any ideas. Maybe I’ll do a little something for Christmas but after that I’m out of ideas

and if anyone has any tips I’m open and would love to here them.

also I’m thinking I should make another blog just for writing so you don’t gotta scroll for ever to find stuff on this blog

And another thing if anyone has a blog name idea again I’d love to hear it my mind is blank

[scribbledonausednapkin]

Missing Crystal: A Yellowjackets Mystery

Summary: Misty isn't that good of an actress, and Mari is onto her. A sharp tongued defender with anger issues and a sweet but savvy junior varsity player team up to crack the case of their missing teammate. The only things standing in their way are the scrappy psychotic team manager, the threat of starvation, and their group devolving into a cannibal cult.

Mari and Akilah put on their detective caps and work together to find evidence to expose Misty for killing Crystal; but is that what the Wilderness wants?

Warnings: Mentions of Canon violence/death/SI

Word Count: 2k

Cross-posted on AO3; Chapter 2 Chapter 3

Chapter 1: A Worthy Performance

|Ep 2x07 After Minute 26:50

“Crystal?” Mari called unenthusiastically, the cold making her voice sound scratchy. 

“Crystal?” Akilah with more force, her question cutting through the frigid air.

The two girls sighed almost in unison, each feeling their last bit of strength dwindling as the search party continued their diligent work. 

“So, what do the girl scouts say about finding a missing person after a snow storm?” Mari shivered dramatically as she took a heavy step.

Akilah gave a half-assed chuckle. “Call 9-1-1.”

Mari snorted. “Too bad the reception out here sucks .” 

“Crystal?” Akilah called, surveying the trees ahead. Mari gave a glance back over her shoulder as the pair wandered a few more feet from where they’d split with Misty. Then Mari suddenly stopped, causing Akilah to take a step ahead before wheeling around to face her. Mari gave Akilah a knowing look, dirty cloth wrapped around her dark hair. Her cheeks were pink from the intense temperatures, even though the wind had stopped. 

“She’s got to be joking with that act right?”

“What do you mean?” Akliah asked, shrugging her shoulders to draw her jacket closer around her.

“I mean, come on . All this crying and freaking out.” She made a gesture similar to the one Misty had used just minutes before, holding her hand up near her throat. “A little song, caught in her throat,” she mocked. “She’s laying it on thick.”

Akilah frowned.

“Her best friend is missing. She seemed pretty worried back at the cabin.” 

Mari rolled her eyes.

“Yeah that’s convenient. Right after I said she killed her.”

“Mari-”

“I bet she’s not even upset. I bet she’s going back to make sure we never find the body.”

The silence hung in the air like the icicles shimmering along the branches above them. Akilah felt a shiver; the wet feeling around her ankles was becoming unbearable and absurdly cold.

“We should keep moving. The longer we stand, the more likely we’ll get frostbite.”

“I’m going to follow her,” Mari said assuredly, not waiting for a response before heading back toward where the pair had come. 

“What?” Akilah turned as Mari walked past, grabbing her arm and bringing her to a halt. “That’s insane.”

“No, what’s insane is Misty; and I’m gonna prove it,” she snatched her arm back. “You can go back to the cabin if you want, but I bet my life Sally Fields won’t be there.”

Akilah swallowed, checking her surroundings before responding. Mari scoffed impatiently and turned to leave. 

“Mari, I don’t think that’s a good idea-”

Her words were lost in her friend who was cradling her arms around her chest, stomping back into the woods. Then a twig snapped and Akilah jerked her head to the left as a layer of snow once blanketing an evergreen branch fell softly into the heavy sea of white below. She turned back, looking for Mari, but she was gone - headed after Misty, wherever that was.  Akilah frowned, pulling her head back and cupping her frail fingers around her dry lips.

“Crystal!”

--

Mari had tracked the deep holes in the snow leading from where they left Misty down a slope leading away from the cabin. Her brow furrowed as her eyes traced the path ahead of her. Where the hell was Misty going?

She shrugged her shoulders as a chill washed over her, brought on by the exposed piece of her neck that was vulnerable to the cold. Actually her whole body was freezing, and wet. This had better be worth it. 

Mari trudged down the steep slope when she heard some rustling to her right just over the rocks lining the edge of the path; she stopped, but as she did her foot slipped and she went falling back onto her butt. Despite wanting to scream in annoyance she held back her discontent, biting her lip hard. Her ears perked up for anything out of the ordinary, but she only heard the whistle of the wind in the mountains surrounding her. She turned on all fours, her torn and ragged clothing seeping with ice cold water, and her eyes focused to the edge of the incline where she’d heard the rustling. Then there was the slightest sound of a grunt. 

Mari’s eyes widened and she began to crawl through the powder toward the sound, trying to remain low to the ground despite the thick layer of snow surrounding her. As she approached the edge she propped up on her forearms and peered just below where there were the muffled sounds of scuffling.

“What the fuck?!” Mari cried much too loudly as she felt a hand on her shoulder. 

“Shh,” Akilah urged as she pulled Mari’s shoulder back over the cliff. She was bent down on one knee beside Mari, the dark green wrapping framing her high cheekbones.

“What are you doing?” Mari whisper-yelled.

“Well I wasn’t going to let you go alone. We’ve lost too many people already,” Akilah replied.

Mari just stared at her unblinking, suspicion in her brows.

“...And it is kind of weird how Misty didn’t know where she last saw Crystal.”

Mari smirked.

“Hello?” called a tentative voice from below. It sounded exactly like Misty. 

“Shit,” Mari whispered. 

“Is that her?” Akilah mouthed, eyes darting to the edge. 

Mari nodded. She placed a finger to her lips somewhat ironically and dove back into the snow so the top of her head just fell over the edge. 

She was right, she wanted to scream it from the top of the cliff. Down below, digging frantically in the snow where they dumped the poop bucket, was Misty fucking Quigley. Her whispers or mumbles or more likely psycho ramblings were lost to Mari so high above her, but it didn’t matter. Mari could see everything she needed to see; she started backing up and getting to her feet, snow dislodging itself from around her and falling off to the side. Akilah echoed her motion, rising from her bent knees, and watched on worriedly as Mari began storming down the slope. 

“What are you doing?” 

“I’m going to confront her,” Mari replied, not looking back. Akilah began to trail behind her.

“Hold up,” Akilah ordered, grabbing Mari’s arm to stop from her serious lack of tact. “That’s the dumbest thing you could do.”

Mari furrowed her brows. “I’m not going to let her get away with it. Misty is one step away from killing us and making us her own personal dolls, just like Shauna.”

Akilah's hand dropped and her expression darkened. “That’s not fair.”

“I’m so sick and tired of everyone talking about what’s fair,” Mari huffed. “None of this is fair . It all sucks and we’re all going to starve, but I’ll be damned if Misty gets to do whatever the fuck she wants just because she took some bullshit babysitter class.”

“Yeah, I get it okay? But you don’t have to bring Shauna into this, she’s already been through enough.”

Mari frowned. “Yeah, okay,” she replied softly before her eyes flicked back past Akilah to where they’d come from higher up. There was the growing sound of rustling of branches and bush. 

“This way!” Mari grabbed Akilah’s wrist and dragged her along the rest of the way until it was safe enough to climb down. Soon they were at the ground at the base of the mountain, but Mari didn’t stop - she kept pulling Akilah along the rocks, out of sight of anyone above and toward where she’d seen Misty digging. 

As they approached where they tossed the bucket of feces, Mari was glad for all the snow for once. It muted the smell of fecal matter at least and her nose only stung with the sensation of icy air. Then she heard the snapping of more twigs from up above, and she looked up. Unfortunately she couldn't see anything from her position, no animals, no Misty. 

“Hey look - is that Coach Ben?”

Mari's eyes traced the tree roots and rocks above until they found exactly who Akilah had pointed out - Coach Ben swinging forward on his crutches toward the edge of the cliff. 

“He’s gonna jump,” she said unintentionally. It was just an observation, but the truth didn’t hit her until he was almost over the edge. 

As the one-legged man took another step forward the girls below gasped, horrified. Then Coach stopped, looking back over his shoulder. Mari squinted to try and see what he was looking at, but the angle was bad. 

“I think Misty’s up there,” Akilah noted. “But I don’t see her.”

Coach Ben spoke to someone over his shoulder, but it was too quiet for either of them to understand.   

“She’s gonna kill him too, push him right off,” Mari mumbled to herself despite the lack of evidence. Misty was still out of view and Coach stayed teetering at the edge, flirting with death so casually above them. He stepped forward again and Akilah sucked in a breath, closing her eyes, but the man stopped just as he was on the very end of rocky earth. 

His lips moved, an angry expression on his hollow pale skin, his nose a bright pink; he didn’t look back.

“-Gay!” Misty’s shout pierced the air. 

“What the fuck?” Mari breathed.

Akilah’s eyes popped open. 

Ben turned to finally end it, shuffling-

“Wait!” Misty cried.

Agonizing seconds passed as Mari and Akilah shrank behind the snow covered rocks, too afraid to think of anything to do other than watch.

Slowly, Coach Ben retreated.

“I think - I think she stopped him,” Akilah whispered.

—

“She’s here, I know it! Misty killed her and buried her body here!”

Mari’s frantic cries echoed in Akilah’s ear as she clocked Mari glaring at Misty from across the cabin. Her layers were soaked, even more than Akilah’s. She’d had to tear the angry girl away from digging through an empty sea of white. Even if Crystal was under it all, there was no way Mari was going to find her. More likely she would lose a finger trying. 

Misty was acting shifty, eyes darting around to each of the girl’s, an uncomfortable expression on her face. Coach Ben had retreated to the back bedroom unseen by either Akilah or Mari when they returned. It didn’t surprise Akilah that Coach was suicidal, but it did scare her. He was the last bit of sanity around here, even if he was basically useless.

“Well,” Melissa spoke up. All the girls looked at her and she just shrugged. “Should we assume the wilderness took her?”

They had searched for hours, but everyone had come up empty. Most of the girls were circled around the fire debriefing as the sun set over the winter landscape straight out of a Christmas card. 

“Let’s ask her bestie what she thinks we should do,” Mari deadpanned, tilting her head as she gazed head on at Misty. Akilah shot her a weary look but she didn’t notice.

“You’re asking me?” Misty responded, hands fidgeting in front of her waist. 

“Did Crystal have another best friend we didn’t know about?” Mari shot.

The other girls exchanged glances, unsure what was really happening. 

“We looked everywhere,” Akilah cut in. “ We didn’t find anything .” She tried to convey her meaning to Mari who finally gave her friend attention, dark eyes narrowing. 

“It’s getting dark,” Van said as she gave a parting look out the window. “We shouldn’t go out again until morning.”

Most of the girls nodded in agreement. 

“We could circle up,” Misty suggested, “and ask the Wilderness to keep Crystal safe tonight?”

“Sure, good idea Misty,” Lottie replied. Mari rolled her eyes, but joined in. 

A few of the girls sat around and listened to the fire, but for the most part they were silent. The sky continued to darken outside the cabin and the girls huddled closer to the warmth, collectively praying for Crystal to be kept safe from the elements. Then, just as the sky took over a navy shade of blue, Shauna entered.

Then, Akilah watched her start a fight with Misty.

Then, Lottie stepped in.

Then, Shauna almost beat Lottie to death. 

[nerd-at-sea5]

'i spent my teen in rage, spiralin' in silence' (ao3 link)

title from 'seventeen going under' by sam fender - pt 2 here, pt 3 here

van and nat grow up together, they know one another better than anyone else on the team bar maybe jackie and shauna. however as they grow up, new situations and feeling arise. they don’t want to leave each other, in fact maybe they’re terrified to do so, this isn’t a healing friendships fic. this is how even when everything is set up for them to fall apart, the strings of love that have tied them together since childhood become in unbreakable.

a myriad of snippets showing how once they bonded, there way no way they would let go. contains; shitty dads, a lot of lesbianism, natalie decks someone (twice) (van gets a good hit in as well), coach ben contemplating why he became a coach in the first place, van dosent know how to stop laughing during serious situations, tai is super confused a lot of the time, and laura lee might be the most mentally stable out of all of them (lottie has stopped disagreeing due to recent events)

van uses they/them bc i do and i say so >:) (she/they nat that may become they/them nat in later fics but who knows)

cw - drinking/drugs, suicide ideation/attempt, self harm, guns, slurs, descriptions of gore, dead body(ies), attempted sexual assault

wilderness scenes takes place somewhere in the middle of s1e7 and s1e10 (laura lee is alive i love her) pov switching more than....i can't come up with a pun here, lots of pov swaps, also. nat's jewish <3 (to me) and that shows up here, don't like it-don't read it.

they're 4 years old when they meet. just about the age where they can sit on the couch and draw while their moms get high outside (that's the real reason natalie's over, if they're being honest).

her mother knocks on the door, and a small redhead peaks out from behind their mother's legs, a small hand with an even smaller wave, but natalie scatorccio is nothing if not energetic, eager to make the friends she’s never had in preschool, "hi! i'm natalie!" she practically runs into the house, not hearing their mother's sigh, the "she's always like this, little spaztic." (after all, they've been hearing it every other day) and the redhead breaks into a grin, missing tooth from running into the doorframe on display, "nat-lee?" "that's what my daddy calls me, natty! you can do it too, i don't mind!" "i'm vanessa." their smile wavers, and natalie scrunches her face up, "can i call you van?"

and when van's face splits into a massive smile, they nod, grabbing the other's hand and racing into their room to show off their cars.

---------

they're 8 years old when van's grandpa dies. nat dosen't fully get what it means-funerals, she knows death-but she knows that van came to school with teary eyes and said that they want her to be there.

that week in sunday school, they learn the mourners kaddish (natalie finds it painfully situational).

she has to walk herself to van's house because her dad is drunk and yelling at their mom when they sneak out the front door, dressed in an old faded black t-shirt and black jeans that they hoped would be appropriate.

when they get to the palmer's house, the door is open, and there's way too many people for natalie to be comfortable with, so she shakes out her hands to get rid of the weird feeling, and runs up to van's room as fast as she can.

"van?" they're sitting on their bed, tears slipping down their face, a black lump of fabric laying on their bed. "why aren't you dressed?"

"my...my mom said i hafta-" they cough, "to wear a dress. i don’t wanna. i don’t-i dunno why, i just don’t.”

nat considers this, thinking long and hard for an eight year old, and then firmly decides that-"that's stupid. here, take my clothes, we can swap." and proceeds to pull off their shirt and pants, handing it to van, who's teary face manages a smile, "thanks natty." the two pause, holding each others clothes, before van laughs, a missing tooth grin "i like your clothes."

natalie grins back, pulling the dress over their head, "i don't like this very much, it's scratchy. i can't run." she pauses, shivers at the texture, nerves crossing over van's face, "i can suck it up. just for you."

the hug van wraps her in is worth an uncomfortable dress, "i love you." "i love you too, van."

---------

van is 12 years old when they decide to join soccer.

and since they know nat needs a reason to leave the house, they manage to convince her to join.

"i am seriously going to punch you if you make me do this."

"you'd punch me no matter what, c'mon natty, it'll be fun!"

even with the complaints, van still watches while nat-normally doing a hundred things at once-is completely focused on a single task.

they find themselves face to face with a taller girl, her curly black hair pulled back as she sprints forward, tapping the ball back and forth as she lines up a shot on goal, twenty feet away, then fifteen, then ten, then-

she kicks, and van throws their small body harder than ever before, slamming their hand into the ball and curling inward onto themself, landing on the grass with a thud.

they pop up, grinning like a madman, while nat jumps up and down, dark hair falling in her eyes as she cheers, van matches, colliding with her.

the curly haired girl sticks out a hand, "taissa turner, that was a good save."

van's to busy wondering why their mouth stopped working as they spit out, "i'm vanes-van. van palmer, thanks." to notice nat's face has dropped, fear coating her eyes as van clasps taissa's hand, smiling.

"nice to meet you," it's practiced, van notes-the way taissa turns to nat and extends the same hand, nat's bad at keeping friends, good at making them. "natalie scatorccio." the kindness in their voice is forced only to van.

van snorts as taissa's eyes widen-nat always manages to throw people off by introducing herself as 'natalie'. (something about how it sounds fancier than she is, or at least that what jackie jokes).

they elbow her, "they go by nat, she's just a dick. natty, stop being a dick." and taissa's face molds back into the smile, giggling-only van can hear nat's "never, i'm a dick expert." van's heart jumping to their throat before they pinch her. (nat seems to warm up to taissa as the days go on)

---------

nat's 14 when she gets high for the first time.

jackie taylor was having a team party, and in a moment of pure insanity, nat stole her dad's weed.

they pulled van aside a little after everyone was settled, "i might have fucked up."

"is this a 'van i need you to cover for me while i put something i stole back' or a 'van i need you to hide a body' kind of 'i fucked up'?"

nat laughs, "no, dumbass, i stole my dad's pot." van's face drops, "no fucking way."

but she pulls it out, a few joints already made that hopefully won't end that badly for her, and all it takes is a glance back at the rest of the team before the two are running out to jackie's tire swing (the one shauna shipman broke her arm on last year). and she's grabbing the lighter from her pocket.

being high is funny. everything seems a little weirder, but nat kind of likes it, it makes them feel calm-their brain constantly racing through everything, but this...natalie can hear their own thoughts for the first time in, well, ever.

she's not sure she likes it, she dosen't like a lot of things, their dad, most classes at school....natalie isn't sure she even likes most people.

van's the exception. van's always been there. van'll always be there.

they knock into van's shoulder, who's been staring at the windows for the past twenty minutes.

"dude, you good?"

"i-uh." van's voice is lodged in their throat, and natalie blinks a few times before turning over, a silent "are you ok?" written on her face.

"natty...nat. nat, i like girls."

nat blinks again, "who doesn't?"

"no-nat." and she doesn't get it, doesn't everyone like girls? like the way their smiles are always so much softer than boys? like the way on the rare occasion she lets them, they hold her so much lighter? "i like girls how you like boys."

"i don't like boys." "natalie!"

she's pissed off now, "vanessa!" and they almost fall as they clamor off the tire swing, "you fucking idiot-i'm telling you i want to kiss girls, not that i don't think boys are fun to hangout with!" van is practically tearing up, and with a start, natalie realizes exactly what they were trying to do, "oh. oh shit-"

van lets out a shaky breath, and nat's brain starts racing again, overcoming the haze from the weed.

"that's not...that's not something everyone wants?" her own voice sounds much to small in her head, muted, like she’s speaking from behind glass, and even smaller when van shakes their head.

"no. it's not."

she swallows hard, "then i guess that makes two of us."

---------

when van is 15 years old, they see a dead body for the first time.

after weeks of hyping themself up, and nat teasing them in class, they managed to get their shit together enough to ask taissa if she'd like to see a movie together (as friends. duh.)

it ends up being beetlejuice, back in theaters for some reason or another, not that van cares-nat showed up at their house earlier-walking back to her house with kevyn tan, and handed van 20$ with a shady grin that van just knows means she did not get this safely or intelligently. (nat also threw a condom at them. van threw a book in return.)

and taissa said yes, but she's choosing the movie. van could care less what they saw.

so they paied for popcorn and soda and candy, feeling all floaty-like whenever they get high with nat. granted, van didn't like being high that much, it was a once every other month kind of thing for them.

the theater is dark, and van's only half paying attention to the movie-taissa keeps jolting on all the cheep jump scares, eventually she hands van the popcorn, pushing their hair back to whisper in their ear-ignoring or just not seeing how van's entire body stilled-"please keep this i think i'll tip it over."

when not five minutes later taissa grabs van's hand, and van is silently thanking whatever god there is that this theater is dark because oh my actual fucking god.

on their way out they tease her for it, "really, the silly demon?" "shut up, he's kind of scary!" "no, tai. he's really not-" and if tai's blushing even a little...van's smiling harder than they ever thought possible.

that's when the sirens go off, the ambulance speeding down the street, past the houses and down the road to....

"fuck."

taissa looks confused, van can feel panic invading their bones, their brain jumping to the worst conclusion-it's not her. a bunch of people live there. the trailer park always has the cops there for one reason or another.

she's fine, she's fine-kevyn tan is outside the liquor store breathing like he's just run a mile, terror coating his face.

"fuck, fuck-taissa-i'm so sorry, i have to go, here-" they hand her the rest of the candy and another apology before springing as fast as they can after the ambulance, leaving taisssa confused and heartsick outside the theater.

van's heart nearly falls to their feet when they see a black tarp covering....someone. the grass is stained red when they get there, and a cop flings his arm out before van can run up the stairs.

"get off me!"

"hey, hey kid calm down-"

van wriggles until he lets go, and there's tears pouring down their face as they stare around wildly, "who-who is it? tell me, please!"

his face calms a little, "shane."

they collapse on the floor, sick relief flooding-she's ok. thank god they're ok. "where-where's nat. natalie, where is she?"

they can feel an arm pulling them up, "c'mere kiddo.”and he walks them to one of the cop cars.

van can see vera, tears steaming down her face and red on her hands, waving madly at the cops, van caught the words 'unexpected', 'spaz' and 'insane'. another cop standing next to a dark haired girl, silently staring at the black tarp with wide, shell-shocked eyes.

"NAT!" van stops themself before crashing into her, nat's touch reservations still holding prominent, before the taller collapses into van, sobbing uncontrollably into their shoulder.

the two sink to the floor, van holding onto their friend as tight as they could ever, they watch as the body is lifted to the ambulance, they don't turn away in time as the deputy or whoever the hell he is lifts the tarp and whistles.

van's eyes catch, shane's eye and half his fucking head gone, blown off, blood still dripping, flecks of brain matter. they swallow down the popcorn and fanta that threatens to arise, whispering into nat's hair, "what the fuck happened....?"

---------

nat is 16 when she starts to slip away from the person van's known basically their entire life.

they're still there when van calls them at 3am because they're shaking so hard they can't move, or when they come to school with scrapes on their face from the bottle their mom threw the night before, she still patches them up in the locker room with soft hands and a brightly colored band aid.

natalie's always there, but it's becoming less and less.....natalie.

they get into a fight, their first real one in possibly ever, and when nat goes home she nearly puts her fist through the wall because of it. it wasn't even a real fight, it was pathetic.

it's been six months-six months of ignoring the increased whispers in the halls, six months of passing her classes only because the teachers feel bad, six months of kevyn and charlie treating her like she's glass.

six months of working themself so hard at soccer that when nat gets home she doesn't even have the energy to think.

it's better than the other alternatives she's tried. the ones that leave white lines on pale skin, and make showering sting.

they liked the blonde. it changed during the first month, van helped-neither of them could smell for a week after, but she liked it. it felt safer than the others, but still stung for a little bit when it was setting.

they win their first game of the season, natalie's pass to taissa passing smoothly through the other team members legs, taissa sprinting up and tapping it to lottie who sends the ball sailing over the goalie's head and into the corner of the net.

they cheer their way back into the locker room, and a warm sense of pride spreads through nat's chest for the first time in six months.

they're so happy that everything that's been pressing down feels like it's taken a break, left her mind, let them forget. it's floating away like a balloon, up up.....gone.

lottie mathews is holding onto their shoulders and shaking them as someone slams a tape into the player, and music starts blasting and natalie's grinning harder than she knew they could, blushing unnatrually hard at the attention from the tall girl (lottie’s always loved dancing with natalie, why does it feels so weird this time?)

van's arm is looping around their shoulders, nat's hands hooking around their waist.

they feel like a kid. like when they'd climb as high as she could in the trees and it felt like no one would ever be as high, that the world was wherever she could see-nothing else mattered.

"we fuckin' did it natty, we fuckin' did it!!"

and everything comes crashing, slamming back onto her. pinning their lungs and holding them underwater, dousing the flame with gallons of water with every click of the lighter.

images flick through her head like a screwed up slide show and all natalie can see is her dad's body, her mother's hands and dress slowly overtaken.

she can't see anything else. she can smell the metallic tang and hear the ringing in their ears.

before they know what she's doing, van is pressed against a locker, natalie's hands holding down their wrists, misty's slammed a hand on the 'pause' button, laura lee's jaw wide open. shauna let’s out a soft ‘woah-’ and taissa freezes.

natalie's breathing hard, fighting to keep van's face in front of her, the echo is getting louder with each heartbeat.

"don't. call me that." they manage to force out, sounding much harder than they had wanted, it sounds mean, cold. maybe that's better.

"ever again."

and as they turn away, van's hands connecting with their back in a soft shove, not hard enough to do any damage, some hidden creature inside natalie's chest explodes out.

"what the fuck is your problem, nat?!"

"you!" she spins, stalking up to van, who's face contorts from confusion to defense, "you and that stupid fucking nickname! alright? so just shut the hell up about it!"

they stalk out of the locker room, not missing lottie's worried face or jackie's mutter of "jesus fuck, that girl's a spaz."

eventually they managed to not hit any walls, and insted found the boys at one of the football guy's houses, not that nat really enjoyed football boys, but it's free alcohol and a chance to forget everything she said, everything they didn't mean.

sitting on a windowsill with a shitty bottle of beer, their mind replaying every moment of it, the guilt coming back over and over.

she didn't know why she snapped, but they knew they had to say sorry, say sorry and fix this, somehow. van would get it, they always got it. nat rarely got mad at them, but they were always mad at someone. van was always mad at their mom. nat got it.

"hey, hey."

nat looked up, a boy in a letterman jacket with an annoyingly bright grin that made him look like the hot boy in every teen romcom movie that laura lee picked whenever it was her choice at movie night had his hand on top of the window, beer in hand. he was grinning directly down at her.

something about him made nat want to gag. it was probably his face. something else about him made nat want to run out of her own skin. also probably his face.

she nods in his direction before going back to staring out the window.

"what're you doing here all alone?"

"does it matter?"

he grinned again, and nat's hand instinctively went to her pocket, intending to close around the swiss army knife.

insted, the boys hand shot out and held her wrist in place, inches away from the knife.

"let go."

he leaned down, she could smell the beer on his breathe, could feel her own speeding up. she still had one arm.

"not until you give me a kiss."

"what the fuck, man? i don't even know you."

natalie twisted, intending to land a knee in his groin, but insted her back slammed painfully into the wall, and his entire body pressed against hers.

"i said let go, fucker!"

he laughed, and that thing that had exploded only hours before formed again, reared it's head up again-pulling out their free wrist from their back, and as the boy leaned impossibly closer, slammed into the side of his cheek.

"CRAZY FUCKING BITCH!" it came out with flecks of spit and blood, but she only pulled back again and struck him in the same place, the creature screaming in pride, again, again, again, again-

"NATALIE!"

the creature vanished, crawling back, away, hiding again inside of nat, the boy did the same, crawling to his feet and running into a new room, adjusting his pants as he did so.

nat turned, heart leaping into her throat as she saw lottie staring daggers in the direction of the boy, and then turning to give a soft smile at nat, "are you alright?"

"i-uh. mhm."

lottie gave her a funny look, and natalie had the strange feeling that her entire body was being x-rayed, lottie scanning through to see everything, read their entire person.

"you're bleeding."

she was right, nat's knuckles had split, it was barley anything, but lottie still took them by the hand and lead them into the bathroom.

"what happened?"

some part of natalie couldn't even attempt to lie to her. by the end of the story, however-lottie looked relived, "at least you're ok." she smiled, and natalie blinked.

"fuck."

lottie's smile wavered, "what?"

"nothing. why are you here?"

the taller girl shrugged, "van wanted to come but tai was busy so now i'm here."

natalie winced, weather from surprise or the soap and water lottie was gently rubbing over their knuckles, she didn't know.

"van's here?"

lottie nodded, "mhm. i can get them if you want, i think they'd like to talk to you."

nat blinked, trying to keep a straight face as her mind ran through outcome after outcome after outcome. what if van hated them? what if they never wanted to talk again?

"yeah. alright, whatever."

the other smiled, "i'm glad." and then bent down to kiss natalie's knuckles.

natalie froze, a weird sensation flooding through their entire body, landing in their chest and spreading out to her cheeks and hands, heating up her face, "it's what i always see them do in movies whenever someone's hurt." lottie pauses, considers, "the romance ones at least. i figured it couldn't hurt."

nat nodded slowly, "mhm." as lottie left with a smile, off to find van. nat slowly stood up and glances at her reflection in the mirror, her entire face was pink, "what the fuck?"

the door opens again, and van trips in backward, "lottie what the actual fu-nat?"

the door clicks shut, and the mask that nat's had up for months gets torn down in a second.

"i'm so sorry-i shouldn't have shoved you or sworn at you or-"

it all comes flooding out, and in the middle of it, natalie's hit with the realization; the only person she's ever apologized to, genuinely at least-screaming cries of 'i'm sorry' don't really count when it's aimed at natalie's parents-is van.

"nat!" she stops, as van's all too familiar smile swims back into place, "you're still going through a lot of shit. i know you don't want to admit it, or anything really, but you're a kid." natalie scoffs, and van gives her a look, "and i keep thinking you're changing and of course you are. i'm not mad at you, yeah i kinda wanted to slap you but i'm not mad. ok i'm not that mad. i'm definitely pissed, but we're cool."

natalie hesitates for a second, then smiles, "when the hell did you get so smart?"

van blushes, "hanging out with taissa is doing something fucked to my brain-she actually likes studying."

"just studying, hm?" nat's smirk is back in it's normal place, and van knocks into their shoulder, "says the flamingo after lottie was in here."

"dude. that...i think she broke me."

"really? how the every loving fuck did charlotte matthews break you?

"she's like....magic?"

"how high are you right now?

"no i'm serious it's so weird. she kissed my knuckles after bandaging them."

"nat you are a giant fucking dyke."

"says you."

[femlesbianbarbie]

Chapter three of saviour or sacrifice is posted.

the current wordcount is 8,000

https://archiveofourown.org/works/43741609/chapters/110204178