#masc friendships we love to see it

[ihopeudrownmore]

carrie supporting finley like this, my heart ☹️

[desperatelyseekingcannibals]

Telling Hugh Dancy about trans masc Will and more...

As some of you already know by now, I went to Boston Fanexpo this past weekend for another stop on the unofficial Hannibal 2024 Reunion Tour.

I had planned to do autographs on the Friday before the Hannibal panel and had brought some gifts for Hugh which included a copy of Adapt. Evolve. Become: The Genderqueer Fandom of NBC's Hannibal, which I compiled and edited last year. I also got him to sign my own copy (above).

It all moved quite quickly, but I did have the chance to explain that it's a volume by and about trans, non-binary, and genderqueer Fannibals that includes art, fics, essays, and personal pieces. He seemed intrigued and I said I hope he'd have the chance to read it and that the art isn't explicit/sexual but some of the fics are - he laughed and said he appreciated the warning.

It was all quite the whirlwind, especially after coming all the way from the UK, so I was absolutely mortified when I remembered the next morning that I had talked with a few trans Fannibals who had specifically asked me to let him know that he/Will is a trans icon. So I went back up to see him again on the Saturday morning when it wasn't too busy (and get more stuff signed) and this is what happened:

[I wrote notes down right after so this is as close an account I can get without having filmed it!].

Me: I saw you yesterday Hugh: I remember (smiley-friendly) Me: I gave you a book Hugh: I remember (smiley-friendly) Me: well, I forgot to tell you. A few trans Fannibals reached out to me to tell you that Will is a trans icon to them and we all love you for it. Hugh was surprised (in a nice way) and I was pretty much going to walk away then - job done and feeling like time for me to stop bothering Hugh lol. But before I could walk away he sort of held out his hand to stop me and said something along the lines of - I don't mean this in a disrespectful way, don't take it the wrong way... I'm genuinely curious- I get that it can be about identity- but what is the connection to Will and being trans? Luckily - my essay in the book is exactly about how Will can be read as trans, so I sort of gave him a summary of that. I explained that (obviously) both Will and Hannibal can be read as queer, and that - especially as both characters have dominant masculine and feminine traits, it's also easy to read them both as trans or in some way genderqueer. He was nodding and agreeing, so I further explained that with Hannibal, he is fully formed - he's already whatever he is - which Hugh also agreed with. But that Will is still becoming, still transitioning and therefore can be more relatable to trans fans who see that journey in themselves. So although it's not necessarily the same journey - there is enough to it that it resonates with trans people. I said that in the show there is also the added bonus of Will being seen and accepted for who he is, just as trans people wish to be. He was nodding along and agreeing with me and then he thanked me for explaining that. It was pretty quiet previously but I'd been there a few minutes so the queue was building up a little but he was so focused on me - so genuinely intent on hearing what I had to say and learning more. SO I CARRIED ON. (lols) I explained to him that it goes further than the show, that we have found a community in the fandom and that many trans people have a catalyst in their life that sparks their journey - like Will had in his friendship with Hannibal. For us it might be a person, an event, or even a TV show. I explained how the fandom are so supportive of trans people - that we are SEEN. That I for one wouldn't have been able to afford top surgery without the kind donations of Fannibals back when I was not in a good place (mentally or financially). That we all help each other and for some of us that has been life-saving. He did the hand on heart thing and said "wow" and was clearly moved. I said to him that so much of this is in the book, that I completely understand if he doesn't want to read the fanfic, but I really hope that he will at least read each of the personal pieces - that each of the fics and art also have a little write up from their creator about what the show and/or fandom has meant to them and their gender journey - how important this has been in our lives. He repeated a couple of times that he would definitely read it. I thanked him and he held out his hand and gave me the most genuine hand shake I've had in my life.

I want to really stress here how much this was instigated by Hugh. That he really wanted to know more and understand and didn't even look at the slowly growing queue but was instead intently focused on knowing more about the trans Fannibals and about why this show and the characters mean so much to us.

I then went off and spoke with a few Fannibal friends in the queue before getting around the corner to another Fannibal friend and having a bit of an emotional moment/breakdown. I can't even explain how grateful I am that he gave me the opportunity to explain all this to him. And I was especially glad I got to tell that Will is a trans icon because I'd have felt terrible if I'd have not done that after people had asked!! Thank you for trusting me to pass that message on for you!

💖

I know for many of you Adapt. Evolve. Become: The Genderqueer Fandom of NBC's Hannibal might have gone a little under the radar. So here is some more about that >>

It was compiled last year for Trans Hanni Day, edited by Max Turner of (and in conjunction with) A Coup of Owls Press - and published under Max's ACoO imprint.

It features essays, personal pieces, fanart and fanfic by and about trans, non-binary, genderqueer and otherwise non-cis Fannibals.

IT IS FREE TO DOWNLOAD, however we ask that if you do that, please consider donating to one of the linked trans orgs if you can afford to (or a similar organisation/charity of your choice).

It can be purchased on Amazon, however, as the proceeds go to charity, and Amazon only gives royalties, more is earned/given if bought directly via Max's shop.

Dearest trans Fannibals, please know that YOU ARE SEEN!

[mikachacha]

fr in need of some angst. maybe a plot where y/n (y/n gotta be taller though cause we need more stories like that 😭) is secretly in love with bada and did everything for her but bada never knew. one day, when y/n was gonna confess by giving bada a letter while visiting bebe practice. they ended up getting in an argument and y/n leaves and ends up getting in an accident. then you can make up the rest lol

ALSO SO HAPPY UR BACK <33

𝚁𝚎𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚍 (𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚊 𝙻𝚎𝚎 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛)

Synopsis: You were about to confess to Bada about how you truly feel about her but it didn't end well.

T.W.: angst, mentions of accident, death, just so much tear for this one.

(A/N: This is a femme! Bada x Masc.! Reader. And if y'all are familiar with the movie Rewind, this is kinda like that with some elements from Marry My Husband because I can't stop watching it 🥹🥹🫶🫶)

⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳

You have always loved Bada, even when she wasn't famous yet. You have been in love with her since you were both in highschool. You did everything for her, supported her in her dreams and continued to be there for her in hopes that maybe one day she'll love you back. Hoping that maybe someday, she'll accept you and the love you have for her.

You took off your helmet as you arrived at the studio where Bada and the rest of team Bebe are practicing. You planned on giving a letter to Bada, confessing your feelings to her but your plan was quickly ruined by Bada herself. She went up to you, grinning and you already know that she had set you up on a date with someone at the studio. Perhaps a staff or a student.

"Bada.. I already told you that I'm not interested." you sighed and Bada was also getting annoyed because you keep on rejecting the people she sets up for you.

"Why not? You keep rejecting the people I think that's good for you.. I'm only concerned about you, Y/N." Bada says and you couldn't help but feel frustrated because Bada is so dense. She doesn't even realize that you didn't want anything else because she's all that you want. Not some random person she sets you up on a date with.

"Because I'm not interested, Bada! Jesus.. Just how many times are we going to go through this for you to finally realize?!" You couldn't help but air out your frustration and with that, started a huge argument between you and her. You just stormed out, crumpling out the letter you made for her and getting on your motorcycle, speeding off.

Your head was filled with lots of thoughts, mostly self pity because you're such a fool thinking Bada could ever love you back when all she could give to you was friendship. You were lost in your thoughts not even realizing that you were over speeding until it was too late to slow down. You swerved your motorcycle to the side to avoid a cat who suddenly crossed the road. That's all you could remember before everything went dark.

Bada couldn't believe how you acted but she did feel bad for arguing with you after you stormed out. She tried to run after you yet she was too late as you already left. She was about to head back inside to get her phone so she could call you but then she noticed a crumpled up piece of paper near the trash bin. She picked it up and recognized your handwriting so she read it. She could feel her heart break reading the letter you made for him. She felt like the biggest idiot in the world for not realizing your feelings.

"Shit.. Shit.." Bada ran back inside the studio to grab her phone. She tried calling you but it goes straight to voicemail. When she was about to give up, somebody picked up.

"Do you know Y/N? Please come to the hospital. She got in an accident." Bada felt her heart drop after hearing what had happened. She didn't even care to grab her other belongings, she just rushed to go to the hospital to see you. Her heart was racing against her chest and her tears won't stop falling down her face. She even saw your motorcycle being towed while she was on the way to the hospital. The sight made her wanna throw up. It was so wrecked that it's going to be a miracle if you survived the crash.

When Bada arrived at the hospital, they told her that it was too late. The injuries you sustained from the crash were too great and they weren't able to save you. Bada walked inside the room where your lifeless body laid on the hospital bed. She held your hand, sobbing, crying and just begging you to wake up.

"Please.. Y/N, please. Please wake up.." She cried out, still holding on to your hand. She hugged your lifeless body, telling you how much she loves you and she regrets arguing with you earlier.

"If I could just turn back time.. If I could just turn back time, I would.. I wish I was able to tell you how much I love you and how much I care about you rather than being stupid.. I love you, Y/N.. Please come back to me." Bada sobbed, still unable to process that you're really gone.

⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳⏳

Bada woke up from the sound of her alarm blaring. She was confused. She didn't remember going home, the last thing she remembered was that she was in the hospital, hugging your lifeless body and trying to fight off the staff who tried taking you away from her. She couldn't help but cry as she remembers that you're really gone and the last memory you had together was you and her arguing.

Bada was snapped out of her thoughts when her phone lit up again, indicating a text message. It was a message from you greeting her a good morning. She was confused when she noticed the date and time. It's still the same day but hours before your accident.

"Did I just go back in time?" was all she could think of. It gave her a glimmer of hope, maybe she's given a second chance to finally tell you about her feelings. If that was the case, she knows for sure that she's not going to waste it.

She immediately prepared to start the day but she planned on making this extra special. If this truly is your last day to be with her, she wants to make sure that you feel loved and valued by Bada. She bought your favorite drink and the first snack you shared with her in high school , she even wore the hoodie you lent her that she didn't return.

When you arrived, Bada immediately greeted you with a hug that got you all confused. She hugged you like it was the last hug that she'll ever give to you. She held back her tears as she didn't want to freak you out too much.

"Come on, let's eat. I have something to tell you." Bada held your hand, lacing your fingers with yours as she dragged you along.

"Let me guess, you're going to introduce me to someone again.." you sighed but let Bada drag you along. You couldn't help but smile seeing how small her hand is compared to yours, you find it adorable. And the way your normal sized hoodie looked oversized on her made your heart swell with joy.

"Nope! Actually I have something to tell you." Bada says and makes you sit down on a chair while she takes out the foods and drinks she purchased from the paper bag. You raised an eyebrow as you saw she bought your favorite drink and a snack you once shared with her during highschool. You remembered it was when you saw her crying as she was rejected by the dance club so you shared your snacks with her to make her feel better.

"Please don't tell me that you wanted me to join your group or fill in for a member who's absent.." you couldn't help but groan at the thought. It's not that you couldn't dance but it's because you looked like a sore thumb dancing with them due to your height.

"No! I like you, okay? No. I'm in love with you, Y/N.. Ever since you skipped your own class just so I'll have a partner during a graded performance because my partner bailed out last minute. I wasn't sure if what I felt about you is true but a lot of things made me realize that I truly love you.. Not just because you helped me and supported me with my dreams but you were the only person who showed me what love should really be like." Bada confessed and you looked at her, you were rendered speechless as you didn't know that she felt the same. You just thought that she was just acting that way because you're friends and you helped her a lot, never because there were any romantic feelings involved.

"I.. Wow.. I didn't know.." it felt like your brain had short circuited and you couldn't find the right words to say. Bada didn't even care since she knows you feel the same way. She looks up at you, eyes filled with unshed tears as she took in the image of you, alive and well. She pulls stands on her toes and presses a kiss on your lips, promising to cherish every moment she's given to be with you because no one knows what the future holds.

[ecoterrorist-katara]

The only stereotypically masculine thing about Aang…is his romantic arc

There’s a really popular post on Tumblr called “Avatar Aang, Feminist Icon.” The thesis is basically that Aang, unlike his female teachers and friends, is actually not a badass. He listens, he defers, and he respects women. He seemed to have no problem with Katara’s crush on Jet, despite his own crush on her. He chooses love and kindness and friendship and pacifism. He’s not tall and handsome as hell or buff. He wears flower crowns!

And I agree! This is Aang for most of the series and I love those qualities (though I do think the bar is in hell if those traits make a character a feminist icon, as opposed to a person who simply sees women as human beings). Anyway, I just think there’s a glaring omission. And that’s Aang’s romantic arc in season 3.

Bryke managed to take the worst of both worlds: Aang’s romantic arc retains the male-centricity that make most romances so problematic, while retaining none of the characteristics that make problematic romances compelling to women.

Aang falls in love at first sight with a beautiful girl. For the majority of their friendship, he remains respectful and supportive. As his crush hits an all time high, however, it gets distinctly more stereotypical: he kisses Katara at the invasion, and when she didn’t want to talk about that kiss, he firebends at her (the fact that this comic is canon, and was published years after ATLA’s conclusion, only demonstrates that the creators still don’t understand critiques of their romance). Aang considers Katara “his girl” and becomes furious (“I would be in the Avatar state right now!”) when the actress version of Katara didn’t like him romantically, and then he kisses her again — this time explicitly against her wishes. Throughout the show, people reassure him that she will come around, continuously reinforcing the idea that Katara is “his” and he just has to be patient. And even though Ka/taang is supposed to be endgame, we never hear directly from Katara how she feels, even though we’re no strangers to her opinions and feelings on other topics. It’s almost like the creators wanted Katara’s feelings to be a mystery because we’re meant to resonate with Aang. That’s…a male-centric, action hero romance.

In addition, the friendship dynamics between Katara and Aang feel pretty gendered. The distribution of emotional labour between Aang and Katara is quite skewed: Katara takes care of Aang much more than he takes care of her. She’s the one responsible for calming him down from the Avatar State. She’s the one who cooks for him and performs a whole lot of domestic chores. Post-canon, Katara’s storyline revolves around Aang, and she’s treated as his accessory and the keeper of his legacy instead of her own person, to the degree that she’s not even recognizable in LOK anymore. A beautiful, badass, independent woman who dedicates her energy and intelligence to a man’s needs? Wow, that is definitely something I’ve never seen in media geared towards men!

A lot of gushing about Aang’s lack of stereotypical masculinity seems to also hinge on how Aang is not conventionally attractive, but that’s…not true. Aang may not behave like James Bond, but he has plenty of admirers. Meng and On Ji liked him even without knowing that he’s the Avatar. Post-series, Acolytes descend en masse to steal Katara’s man. And of course he grows into a tall, buff dude. Aang’s romantic arc is not about becoming attractive to women, or finding a woman who loves him despite his looks. His romantic arc is about getting the girl who’s hard to get, because she only sees him as a friend or a little brother / babysitting charge.

Bryke do not deserve the credit for creating a “feminist icon,” not when the only stereotypically masculine traits they gave him are in relation to his romance arc. It honestly feels more insidious this way, because it’s like, “see? You don’t have to be masculine to reap the benefits of performing masculinity” — the benefits being, of course, “getting” the girl you want.

[sukiipjs]

✮ BLONDIE : PT 1

°:. *₊ ° . ☆ °:. *₊ ° . ° .•

↳ nick sturniolo x masc reader

↳ words - 2239

↳ summary - you’ve been having a hard time realizing and accepting the fact that you’re gay, and in love with your best friend. you try to ignore the feelings but that only makes everything worse until you can’t hide it anymore.

↳ contains - swearing, angst, use of y/n, internalized homophobia, depression, crying, idk??? [READ PT 2 - PT 3]

↳ song - blondie by current joys

°:. *₊ ° . ☆ °:. *₊ ° . ° .•

°:. *₊ ° . ☆

nick has been my best friend for years, he’s always been there for me, and me there for him. we met in the first grade when he saw me alone at recess on the swings and he ran up to me, asking if i wanted to play with him and his brothers. one of the many things i love about him, hes always there, always there to help, or just be with. from that day on he’s always been my number one but honestly, i’ve been kind of avoiding him lately.

of course i don’t want to, i really really don’t want to, trust me, but i don’t want to make anything bad between us either. even though pushing him away is probably fucking things up anyway.

the thing is, for months, maybe even years now i think that i might be coming to a realization: i think i’m gay, or not gay but bi? i hate labels, i dont want to be put into a box, its honestly just hard to fit into one too. i mean i’ve had girlfriends before and i’ve liked that, but nick…

okay i might be coming to another realization: i think i’m in love with nick. and to make everything worse, i can’t even talk to anyone about this because the only person i would tell is nick, but if i told him, well i just cant, it could destroy our friendship. he’d hate me, i cant lose him.

but maybe i’m not in love with him, i mean i love nick, i always have but maybe its not love love? maybe its just me appreciating our friendship more. okay who am i kidding it’s definitely becoming more, I LOVE HIM. he’s just perfect, in general, to me, to everyone. i want to spend every moment of my life with him, i want to hug him and never let him go, i want to be with him, i just want to see him again.

i can’t even imagine what he’d say if he knew i liked him. he’d probably be disgusted, i’d ruin our friendship forever. i cant do that, i can’t risk anything like that, i need him even if that means the best thing i can do is just stay away, make up lies of why i cant hang out, slowly stop texting him, i mean maybe it's not the best thing but its either i do this and try and force these feelings down or i tell him and ruin everything. this is better, or at least that’s what i keep telling myself.

☆ °:. *₊ ° . °

nick 🫶

| wanna hang out today? haven’t seen you in forever, i’m boredddd

| i know i’m sorry, but i cant today, really really sorry. still not feeling good

| that’s okay, hope you feel better though 💕 if you need anything tell me okay?

| i’d rather hang out with you and get sick then spend one more second with my idiot brothers over here 💀

i stare at the message on my screen, i’m not sick, i’m just trying to be a good friend… by avoiding my best friend… sure, whatever.

i slam down my phone on my mattress, rolling over and burying my face in my pillow. muffled screams from my mouth as tears, start to pour from my eyes. every time i message him, saying i cant hang out i immediately regret it. i want to see him, i always do but again, i cant, i fucking cant. it would only make my feelings stronger and i just need to get rid of them as soon as i can so things can just go back to how they were.

fuck, here comes the spiral that ive been replaying in my head forever. do i even really like him? am i really bi, gay, straight, whatever the fuck? i don’t even know, it’s all too confusing and stressful right now. why can’t i just be me? and have my best friend with me again? actually hang out with him, see him?

all i can really do right now is continue screaming and crying into my pillow about how much of a shitty friend i’m being, great. I constantly stalk his instagram, trying to see if i do really like him and try to see what he’s up to without me, i miss him so much.

…i wish he was a girl then i would be straight and all this shit wouldn’t hurt so much. i’m not trying to say that being gay is bad, all i’m saying is that it would be easier to figure all this out if i was straight and he was a girl. i know that’s so messed up to say but i don’t know how else to put it.

if he was a girl, i’d know that i’m in love with him, i wouldn’t be so afraid to accept myself because there wouldn’t be anything to accept. i’d just be me and he’d she’d be him her, i’d get to be his her boyfriend and we’d be a happy couple. i’d be happy and i wouldn’t have to push the person i love most in this stupid world away…

i smash my face into my silky white pillowcase over and over, shaking my head as i force the sides of the pillow into my face more. i want to suffocate.

i scream into my pillow more and more. ‘i love you nick, i love you nick, i love you. i DONT love you nick, i DONT love you nick, i DONT love you… but i do, i really really do, but i cant… i really really fucking cant.’

°:. *₊ ° . ☆

i stay rotting in my bed, spiraling about random shit, taking random quizzes of ‘am i gay?’ or ‘am i in love with my bestfriend?’ or ‘is it a crush?’ like i know.

soft blankets cover me, my silky pillows supporting my back as i rewatch rupaul's drag race on my computer until i finish it again, oreos and empty dr pepper cans surround me. and of course, nick always in my mind, everything reminding me of him, those stupid quizzes, his favorite show, his favorite drink. i wish he could be here, like how we used to hang out before i started ruining everything but i could be ruining it more, at least im keeping my mouth shut.

every once and a while, a message from nick pops up. him sending me a tiktok or telling me about how spacecamp is going or just something random, asking how im doing, if im still sick. most times i try to ignore him, turning off the notifications but i answer sometimes, only one or two words, maybe just an emoji, just trying to say something. i don’t want him to think i hate him or anything, i still of course love him.

the only time i ever get up from my bed is to go the the bathroom or get more food, ive been wearing the same two sweatpants alternating them and random shirts that i throw on the floor after i wear them for enough. my hair shaggy and a scratchy stubble on my face. i look and feel gross. i didnt think that forcing my best friend away and trying to figure out my sexuality could make me this depressed, who knew.

☆ °:. *₊ ° . °

weeks pass of me ignoring (or at least trying to ignore) nick and weeks of screaming into my sheets and sleeping all day become more and more. i finally decide to leave my apartment and stock up on some random things that will help me rot in my room even more: coffee, chips, oreos, whatever else i might want.

as i scan the aisle for dr pepper, standing in my gray hoodie with the hood covering me and one of the two sweatpants i’ve been wearing on, i hear a voice at the end of the row calling to me, “y/n?” my head turns to see who knows me that’s here, about to see how disgusting i look and just my luck, it’s nick.

“nick” a bright smile floods my face, i haven’t seen him for what seems like forever, i look at his blonde hair with grown out brunette roots, plus that signature nose ring and star earrings, of course he looks great.

he runs up to me, giving me a warm hug as he smiles too, “oh my god i haven’t seen you in decadessss” he exaggerates, laughing at me, “you feeling better now?” i tilt my head a little, confused but then i remember my lie. “oh yeah, i am. even though i dont look it” i try to scoff a laugh, looking down at myself, excusing how ‘i dont care’ i look right now.

“you look fine.” he laughs back again, “you know… me, chris and matt were gonna go out for dinner soon, wanna come?” i can tell he really wants me to be there and i really want to but i try to push it away, still.

“uhhh, i think had something later, sorry” my small smile slowly fading as his does too, i don’t think i’ve seen his smile leave that fast. “really? we haven’t talked in weeks, i miss you” he jokes a little, but really we do miss each other.

“i know, i’m sorry, but i promise we’ll hang out soon yeah?” i try to fake a small smile, trying to make this a little better but nick still looks sad, “yeah okay, see you later then?” he looks like he hates me, he looks just annoyed, hurt. i feel terrible.

“yeah, later” i’m about to walk closer to give him another hug but he leaves, to i assume go find his brothers, before i can. i’m terrible.

i finish up grabbing my things before leaving and driving off, replaying our interaction in my head. i could’ve just went? it was one dinner, that’s all. not a big deal. but it’s too late, it would just be weird if my schedule suddenly cleared up now.

°:. *₊ ° . ☆

i make my way back to my apartment, putting my bags down on the counter before going straight to my room again, flopping down on top of the pile of blankets and stuffed animals that cover my bed.

i dig in my pocket for my phone, taking it out as i grab a blanket to pull it over my face, closing off the sun that shines through my window.

i go straight to me and nicks messages, thinking of texting him. ‘i’m sorry’ too short, plain. ‘sorry, i was wrong i can go’ feels like i’m pitying him, plus just dumb. ‘i love you’ yeah definitely not. ‘come over? sorry’ again, stupid and he can NOT see the mess i have over here.

i decide on nothing and put my phone to the side of me, burying my head into my pillows again, tears flooding my eyes again again again. it’s too much. this is all stupid and i need to get over it all. this is terrible.

i go back to my cycle of curling up in warm blankets, eating my now new oreos and dr pepper and rewatching shows i’ve seen a million times before. and obviously stalking nicks instagram, he posted a story of him and his brothers at dinner. he’s still wearing those earrings and that same beige jacket he was wearing before, and he still looks great.

i swipe up, about to message him. ‘you look great, sorry i couldn’t come’ i quickly delete it and just like the story. i need to stop trying to message him when i’m trying to ignore him.

₊ ° .☆ °:. *₊

after falling asleep shortly after i finished looking at nicks story i wake up to like five texts from who? nick, of course.

nick 🫶

| are you ignoring me?

| like did i do something or what?

| are you okay?

| can we just talk or hang out please?

| y/n?

| okay sorry actually, never mind

my heart drops, i feel so TERRIBLE. nick did nothing and i never want him to think that he did something wrong. he’s perfect.

i pick up my phone to respond but honesty i don’t know if i should… i want him to know that he did nothing but he’s right about me ignoring him… fuck this. i just ignore him, still.

i shut off my phone fast and roll to my other side, curling up my legs and staring at the small textured bumps on the off-white wall that i face. i take in every detail, trying to distract myself with something else. i spot all the tiny discolorations or stains on the wall, the way it all starts to blur when tears, again, rain out my eyes.

they drip on the curves of my cheeks and lips, my hands are tucked under my legs as he tears drop onto my sheets, i don’t bother wiping them off. they make a small circle ish shape when it hits on my bed with a darker gray on my gray sheets.

my spiraling hits again when the ridges on my wall go dark as my eyes close. why can’t my best friend just be my best friend? why can’t i just be a normal person? why can’t i just forget it all? why can’t this all just go away? why? why? why? why?

☆ °:. *₊ ° . °

taglist : @slutforchriss @mattsleftnipple03 @mattsdinosweater @ccolleenn @mixvchelle @leah-loves-lilies @sturn-wrld @redz0nez9 @cheriematt @freshloveforthefit @nickuniversity @whore4matt @txssvx @will-yummy

[v3nusxsky]

Request: Sex pollen with sub Larissa/masculine shapeshifter dom Reader

Surprise gift 18+

*Authors note~ sex pollen trope is honestly so much fun to write and I am loving sub Larissa right now. So here we go*

Trigger Warnings~ sub Larissa dom masc shapeshifter r daddy kink praise kink shifted dick breeding kink oral face fucking facial, cream pie degrading kink humiliation kink if you squint.

Prompt~see ask

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Hey this my first ever ask so why not ask my fanfic fav ~ . But here it is I LOVED THE SEX POLLEN ONE so may I request another sex pollen story but with Larissa and maybe ® ( a former student that's she's very fond of but you can choose the story line. I know you want let me down ~ @enchantressb

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It was no secret you and Larissa were close. Despite you now having left Nevermore and being a few years younger than the principal you'd gotten on well. Especially when you had some personal issues in the last year where she became your god given solace. So of course when she approached you about a new job coming up a few years later you jumped at the chance to return to the school but this time as a somewhat equal to the tall blonde. Of course you fell back into your old comfortable friendship as if nothing had separated you. But what you weren't banking on was for your feelings to grow and develop with every passing day.

You knew Larissa had some attraction to women, but she didn't know about you hence why you thought a the silly little crush on her would fade. Oh how wrong you were. Of course all of this was kept to yourself and yourself only. Maybe that's why you felt so concerned when Larissa volunteered to try a new potion with you. Your friend had sent it to you, it was supposed to bring you what you truly need. Once Larissa found out she was more than happy to try this after all your friend had an amazing track record in the world of potions. So you arranged to go to her office and let the potion do it's own thing.The instructions were simple all you had to do is sprinkle a small amount into some water and drink it. The potion should begin working within half an hour. So of course you followed the instructions before settling on the sofa and falling into a safe conversation.

You were the first to feel it, the unfamiliar tightness like you were missing a vital part of you. "Ris, I'm feeling rather unwell" you murmured before standing up to leave. Only to be stopped by a whimper coming from the blonde, "stay, please." Tears polling in her eyes as she showed her vulnerability to you. "Larissa, what do you need?" You murmured watching a flush hit her cheeks, "I um I need you." You were stopped in your tracks by the confession, the way you stepped back it it made the sensation stronger. The pain stronger. But if you were to step forward then it would morph into need.

"Rissa, I need you too. But I need you to consent darling" you murmured approaching you. "Please y/n I need you" she mumbled before her hands reached out and pulled you into a passionate kiss, one in which you happily reciprocated. That one kiss ignited a flip of a switch that was unstoppable. Your hands roaming Larissa's body as she continued to be responsive to your touches. "Ris, are you sure my darling?" Instead of a verbal response Larissa managed to drag you to her bedroom and settle on her knees at the foot of the bed, "please daddy" was all she whispered. "Oh fuck Larissa, so pretty darling."

You shifted your anatomy more often than not, so it was unsurprising to hear Larissa gasping at the sight sight of your bulge forming. "Daddy" she whined causing you to smirk down at the blonde on her knees. "Oh yes princessa I do like to shift my anatomy in daily life, would you be a good whore for daddy and take her dick?" You practically purred at her which had her almost drooling at the thought and fumbling to free your stone hard dick. You couldn't help but chuckle at how needy she looked upon seeing the reddened tip leaking with pre cum. "Cock slut aren't you baby? I bet you shift yours sometimes huh?" You teased not really expecting a response but still Larissa gave small nod before a whimper of "please" was let loose.

The moment Larissa engulfed the whole of your member could only be described as heavenly. Teary eyes as she gagged around your hard shaft. Her on her knees in front of you swirling her tongue around your bulbous head before swallowing you whole again was perfect and more than you ever imagined. It was hard to remain in control with the potion running rampant in your veins, so of course you began to thrust yourself into her warm tight throat with an animalistic need. Larissa had no complaints thought, gagging and swallowing everything you were giving wanting to taste your seed. But of course that wasn't where you wanted to be, so you slipped out of her skilled mouth and ordered her to stick her tongue out while stroking yourself, a few strokes later you came all over her mouth and face. It was some form of relief but not enough to state your true desire.

"Bed kitten" you murmured in thought as you followed after her, you made quick work of stripping her clothing, marvelling at how beautiful she truly is. You could tell Larissa was feeling self conscious by the way you were worshiping her, the compliments flowing from you were stirring feelings she hurried deep inside herself. The moment your mouth took a greedy yet experimental kick of her cunt you swore you heard an angel gasp. Turns out that angel was Larissa Weems needing more of your touch. "Please god don't stop please more daddy" she whined as she squirmed for you. "I don't plan to stop princessa I just wanna eat my pretty kitten clean" you muttered to the blonde before devouring her as if she was your last meal.

It didn't take long for the coil within her to snap as you hate her out as if you were starving, she came with a cry of your name followed by a string of curses. Somehow the put together principal cursing had you impossibly needy. So of course you wanted more of the blonde, some relief but not stated you both craved the other again. "Please daddy want you inside me" she mewled to you. "Ris, I don't have a-" you started only to be cut off by the blonde, "I don't care please for the love of all things holy just fuck me like the whore I am for you" she begged spreading her legs to invite you in. Your hesitation was soon stopped when she shoved her hand to her cunt and teased herself, if she was getting fucked then it was going to be by you and not her own hand.

You thought her mouth was heavenly but her tightness in her pussy was a new level of pleasure, an out of this world experience, and when she bucked her hips to encourage you to move well, you thought you'd die happy. Sex is one thing, but fucking Larissa Weems like animals in heat was another. The noises you managed to draw from her as the head of your cock brushed her cervix. "Fuck you're such a white kitten, your squeezing me so well baby, fuck like that gorgeous" you praised causing the blonde to continue to meet your harsh thrusts. "Daddy, I'm yours please fuck I wanna be your cum dump please god give it to me" she mewled in the throes of pleasure, "daddy need to cum please please let me" she whimpered as her walls clamped around your cock making it almost impossible to move. "Cum baby, cum for daddy" you panted as her orgasm triggered your own painting her insides white with rope after rope of hot seed.

Only when you both came down from your highs did you slip out of her tight little hole to admire how your come seeped out of it. "God that's so hot Larissa" you murmured before heading to go and get a wash cloth to clean her sticky body sweat and cum scenting the room. Only when you'd successfully cleaned yourself and Larissa up you came to hold the blonde. "Larissa can I kiss you?" You mumbled shyly which didn't make sense considering you'd given her one of her best orgasms in her life. A small giggle came from the blonde as she nodded, you shared a sweet kiss before settling down with each other in the bed. Although you didn't know what it was you were glad you tried the potion from your friend.

Word count~ 1511

[whenlostinthedarkness]

You, Me, & The Constellations

Masc!Reader x Ellie Williams

Summary: This fic is based off of this request. This is your typical 'two best friends who have been secretly pining for each other for almost their entire lives, but finally confront each other with their feelings' kind of fic. This is a mix of flufff and super slight angst.

Warning: Things get slightly heated at the end, but honestly no warnings (if you see any you think I should add feel free to tell me!).

Word Count: 6.2k

Ellie was a force to be reckoned with, you knew this much was true.

What you didn't know was how literal this definition of the auburn haired girl was.

She was brunt with her enemies, a ruthless killer when she needed to be, and didn't take shit from anyone, even if it was someone she loved. But what truly struck you was just how deep the metaphorical arrow was in your chest from the moment that you laid eyes on her. How she indeed was a force to be reckoned with, but more so in the sense of how much she would fill up your life with a love that you didn't think was possible.

Ellie and Joel were brought into Jackson when you were just a fourteen year old kid. The both of you were around the same age so naturally you were lumped together, along with all of the other kids your age, but Ellie... there was always something different about Ellie.

You weren't sure if it was because she was loud and always striking up a joke in the middle of the worst situations, or how she was always the one getting praised from your teachers and mentors who were showing you different combat techniques to perform while out on patrol. Or just the simple fact that neither of you were like the other girls in your age group..at least not the ones you were around.

"You should smile more Ellie, wouldn't want anyone to think you're a prude." "Why are you always sitting with your legs spread, we wouldn't want the boys getting the wrong impression would we?" "You two spend too much time together..you're going to give people the wrong idea."

You and Ellie would scoff at anyone trying to tell her to dress "nicer", whatever that even means in a zombie apocalypse. And you would rather die than ask a guy if he wanted to walk around Jackson with you or, god forbid, you were never putting a dress on your body.

Through the years there was a constant pull to her and you never really could pin point why. At the time of your youth, it was easy to narrow it down to this just being someone who was your best friend who you had literally grown up with. However, as adulthood crept in and that feeling never seemed to cease, you began to dive deeper into this intense love that you had for Ellie.

What you hadn't realized was Ellie had done this deep dive of her feelings for you years before. The moment the both of you were introduced, she was hiding the fact that she wanted to marvel over how beautiful you were. The more and more the both of you connected and grew in friendship, the romantic feelings Ellie held for you would too grow more and more.

Ellie was young back then, but she knew what love felt like, and that feeling never wavered, simply just grew.

She was smitten, but didn't say anything. Primarily because she didn't think you returned that feeling, at least not one in a romantic nature. But in the back of her mind, Ellie also questioned how the both of you could be so close for years and years and years-either of you literally joined at the hip, which didn't go unnoticed to the Jackson dwellers-and have this feeling be strictly platonic.

It didn't help that neither of you had a reason to leave the others side.

---

"My mom keeps wanting to me to ask this dude out."

Sixteen year old you and Ellie were both sat criss cross in the grass located in the park in the middle of Jackson. Ellie had previously been devouring an apple, until your words made her stop in a heap of panic that she tried to conceal.

"What?"

"You know that one guy..fuck, I don't even know his name...but yeah, my mom thinks me and him would be 'really good together." As you recited the exact words your mother said, you couldn't help but pinch your face in disgust at even the thought of hanging out with that boy or any boy in that way.

"I mean..what's so bad about him?" Ellie asked with a slight pleasure to her tone at the fact that you seemed quite literally disgusted at the thought of this guy and you being anything but acquaintances.

"He's just", You began with a sigh, "I don't know... I just don't see him like that or any guy really."

At that, Ellie felt her shoulders perk up as a tiny smirk appeared on her lips as she continued to chew on her apple. "So..you don't like guys?"

You shrugged, staring off into the blue sky as you joined Ellie in continuing to feast on your snack.

You'd never really thought about it like that..but Ellie was right. You'd never really felt that romance or other lovey dovey bull shit with a guy before.

"Who knows. Maybe I'm broken," you chuckled as your hand went to pull apart pieces of the green grass that had grown up from the ground.

"Nah, you're not broken.."

You looked up at Ellie as she spoke the kind words..or what you thought were kind.

"...just a dumbass."

Ellie had a shit eating grin on her face as you shoved her shoulder playfully with yours.

"Shut up El."

---

From that day on, you could never see Ellie the same again.

Why didn't you want to ask that guy out? Why did it make you feel literally disgusted at the concept of a simple date with that guy..or any guy really? Why did you not feel even a fraction of that disgust when wanting to hang out with Ellie? Or even more with Ellie..

It didn't take long for you to start noticing things about Ellie that you hadn't previously before..or rather, viewing them through a different lens.

You always took note of how Ellie dressed and the way it complimented her vibe. However, you never truly stopped to take in the way her thighs were full and muscular as they filled up the denim, the way how when her sleeves were rolled up they complimented her strong forearm and biceps.

Now, you had to stop yourself with silent scolding so you wouldn't physically stare and marvel at Ellie, the work of art displayed in front of you basically every day.

---

You and Ellie were both in your early twenties now. Both still single, both still joined at the hip, and both still silently pining after the other as if their life depended on it.

"So according to this book and my journal.." Ellie trailed off from the rant she had been on for what felt like an hour as you both sat in her home; Ellie sitting up straight on her couch and you laying down with your back flat and your head in her lap as you tried your best to focus on the tattered novel that sat in your hands.

It was proving unsuccessful as your attention would get caught up in any random words or expression Ellie would shout as she sifted through her book and journal that were full of nearly ripped out and stained pages from all of the use she got out of them through the years.

"Yes! Okay, according to my calculations in this book there should be a full moon tonight!"

Gently, you let out a giggle as you peered over the top of your book and up at your best friend, "How the fuck are you able to calculate that?"

With a smirk, Ellie continued shifting through the pages of her book, "Cause I'm just that good, that's why."

"Mhmm, sure you are."

In admiration, you watched as Ellie grabbed the pencil she had previously tucked behind her ear, and scribbled what you could only assume was some science astro-what have you that you wouldn't be able to understand, no matter how much Ellie tried to teach you.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, you inquired about what Ellie had been talking about earlier if there was in fact a full moon tonight.

"Are you going up to that hill tonight then?

"Yeah," Ellie nodded, setting her book next to her, "You should come with me."

"What?"

"Come with me. It'll be fun..we could bring a blanket and just chill and shit"

In her twisted mind, Ellie was internally praying you'd say yes. Not that she mentioned the star gazing just to entice you to come or anything. It absolutely wasn't her trying to do something that was the tiniest bit romantic in nature thinking it would somehow sprinkle loves magic pixie dust, or whatever the fairytale bullshit was.

"I don't know Ellie."

Though your voice came out as dismissive and indecisive to Ellie's ears, your thoughts were spiraling in a tornado-like whirlwind. Anytime Ellie asked you to hang out, whether it be to grab dinner together or to sit on the couch next to each other doing individual things, much like you were doing now-it never failed to have a hum of electricity going through the veins that connected like tendrils to your heart.

Hell, it seemed like ever since you realized how desperately in love you were with her, at the ripe age of sixteen, it had always been like this.

"C'monnn," Ellie dragged out her words with a whine. "It'll be fun and chill. Plus! It's the perfect weather."

Ellie never needed to convince you to hang out with her. You would gladly give up going to one of those fancy award shows that played on tv before..the ones that people had parties for and dressed up and shit. Of course, that was all before the fungus overcame the worlds cause and, frankly, before you were even born, but that was besides the point. What mattered was nothing, and you meant absolutely nothing, would prevent you from turning down a chance to hang with the girl you were invisibly pining after.

Matching Ellie's prior actions, you set your book to rest on the lumpy cushion on the couch. Your eyes shifted and found Ellie peering down at you like a kid anxiously awaiting the answer they were hoping for.

"Alright, I'm down."

"Excellent!"

You and Ellie ran around her home, stuffing everything the both of you thought you might need for the evening into a beige stained cloth bag. Of course, Ellie was nearing three bags of stuff before you put your foot down and insisted that you actually didn't need to bring 3 different types of alcohol with you.

"What if we want mixed drinks or something?"

"Ellie, we are in the midst of a zombie fucking apocalypse and you're thinking about mixed drinks?"

You playfully bullied your best friend, making her laugh as she came to her senses.

"Fine. Just wine then?"

You nodded with a smile before grasping the top of the bottle that was being cradled in Ellie's palm and stuffing it into the one bag that you had somehow talked Ellie down to.

As the both of you made your way up the hill, about a 1/2 mile from the residential area of Jackson, the air was crisp as it blew through the fabric of your hoodie. One would compare this kind of weather to a fall night; not too cold, not too hot.

"I think I see it."

Fifteen minutes into your walk, Ellie lifted her lean neck to peak over the prairie land greenery and point towards the direction where the grass rose above its usual flat laying land.

"'s gotta be."

"Cmon then!"

Suddenly, Ellie was grabbing your hand and pulling you into a running speed towards the direction of the hill; it felt like it did when you were kids and getting yourselves in trouble for disappearing into uncharted areas.

Even though you had both put your lives in danger at some points during these child-like escapades, you'd never trade those adventures for anything, especially when they were had with the person you loved more than anything.

You hadn't stopped giggling the entire run up the hill until you were breathing heavily for air once you came to a halt as you hit the highest point of the grass covered mount. Even as you breathed rapidly to catch your breath after running at an incline, you couldn't take your eyes off of Ellie as she marveled at the expanse of land that usually wasn't in view from the flat plains she called home.

Now she was able to see the trees and plains for miles as they ran as far as she could see until they met the nearing dark sky. Your smile was massive watching this girl, this beautiful fucking girl, as she had a grin smeared across her face and her eyes devoured the beautiful land that she had found just for the two of you.

Ellie felt pride in herself for being successful in the planing of this adventure that she created with you in mind. So excited, she felt as if she was on some sort of upper as she spread her arms out in full wing span and began to twirl around slowly.

You laughed, watching her stumble and nearly trip as her feet quickly pivoted her body around in a circle. The wind in her hair moving it so much so, that it was covering half of her face when she did eventually stop.

"You're going to make yourself dizzy!" you squealed as you ran up to Ellie and wrapped your arms around her shoulder which caused the both of you to fall to the grass in a fit of laughter.

The weather, her arm around your shoulder, your head on her chest; what could be more euphoric than this? You didn't know and you didn't care to explore any other options of euphoria. Not when you had this.

Ellie lips traveled down to the top of your head as her arm drifted from your shoulder down to the keys that hung on a clip attached to a belt loop on your jeans.

You were much too busy enjoying this moment that you didn't' notice Ellie moving her fingers along the few keys on your carabiner..until you felt her finger push the silver part in, releasing the clip from its denim loop.

Ellie hung the keys above her head like a mobile above a babies crib. Her eyes fixating on something as if she were on a mission.

You knowingly smirked, "It's next to the silver key", you glided your finger against the tip of the key. Next to it, was a paper clip nearly rusted to the point of breaking in half, yet somehow still clung on.

Ellie smiled as she ran her finger acrossed it, but doing so gently. "You still have it."

You nodded, "Of course I do, why wouldn't I?"

Ellie felt a warmth spread over her as she continued examining the relic from your teenage hood together.

"You remember when I gave it to you right?'

You nodded as your front teeth gently chewed on your bottom lip, "After the fall dance."

Ellie smiled as her mind began to picture everything about that night - the warmth of the twinkling lights set up in the barn in Jackson, the amount of alcohol Ellie had in her system that night...the way your flannel hugged you just right and how she nearly had to stop her drunken self from grazing her hand along your waist and lingering for however long you'd let her.

Ellie let out a blushed chuckle as she looked over at you as you now laid parallel to one another. Her hand held your key as she outstretched it to you in a way that nearly mimicked the Sistine chapel. You copied Ellie, stretching your arm out with your palm facing to the sky as she dropped the cold keys in your hand.

After the interaction, the both of you turned your eyes towards the sky as the conversation continued.

"Remember how hard Jesse freaked out over Dina in a dress."

You shook your hide slightly with an amused grin, "Oh god, yeah."

"I thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head."

"I'm pretty sure they did."

Ellie raised her eyebrows as she muttered, "true", but the nonchalant conversation was quickly turned into Ellie frantically moving into a sitting position as her eyes stayed transfixed on the fully dark sky.

"Holy shit, holy shit, holy-"

"What? What's wrong?!," you shot up, joining in on her sitting stance.

But Ellie didn't have time to answer you as she rose to her feet and quickly grabbed her notebook out of the cloth bag that you both had packed.

You observed Ellie as she looked like a mad scientist wracking through all of their materials, but really, Ellie was searching for her notes..all the preparation she did for this night in the hopes that it would somehow work this time. That she could somehow win you over. Finally.

"Are you going to tell me what the fuck you're on about?"

Ellie looked over her shoulder, her finger marking the page she was searching for, as she looked at your questioning gaze as you now stood directly behind her.

"Sorry..", Ellie really was embarrassed. She was always finding herself doing this..this impulsivity before thinking everything all the way through. "I just wanted to uh-I wanted to get the blanket and everything set up now that the stars are out!"

Your eyes were telling of your befuddled expression; you weren't buying it, but you also weren't going to call out your best friend either.

"Alright well..help me get the blanket flat on the ground then?"

Ellie nodded as the both of you took the water proofed material out of the bag and held each of the opposing ends until the material was lying flat on the cold grass.

"I brought the other blanket too. Figured we would get cold when the sun went down."

"You're always thinking of the shit I'd never remember."

"And the shit you would regret," you quirked with a hint of ego.

"Yeah, yeah", Ellie smirked as she watched you come to a seated position with the bottle of wine and battery operated lantern in your hand. She joined you soon after with her knees pulled upwards and her elbows resting on the tops of her knee caps. The both of you passing the bottle back and forth between conversation.

"You going to tell me what that freak out was all about?"

"Oh..uh yeah..I just thought it would be cool to show you where all of the constellations are and I have them written in my notebook so-"

"That's so fucking cute," you interrupted because you simply couldn't hold that one in even if god himself commanded you not to.

Ellie breathed a sigh of relief at your glowing expression. The last thing Ellie wanted you to think was that she was lame. It didn't matter that you had never made her feel like that in the entirety of your friendship..she was still so nervous about having you perceive her in a positive way.

You watched as redness overtook Ellie's cheeks as she flipped her notebook open to the page her finger had marked.

Was that a blush? No, Maybe her cheeks were always that red.

You shook off the thoughts from your observation as you lowered your back to rest along the blanket, Ellie following suit as she held her notebook above her head.

"So you know where like Saturn and all that other shit is?"

Ellie nodded, "I think so."

Her voice was deep in thought as she began a repetitive motion of holding her notebook up to the sky, lowering down the notebook to fact check her studies, and then back to holding her notebook up again until she was certain she could recite it by memory.

"Alright, you see those stars over there," Ellie said, leaning her head slightly more in towards you as her finger pointed to the left side of the sky.

Your shoulder and head naturally moved inwards toward Ellie as you looked in the direction of her point. The warmth of each others bodies now a very prominent reminder of just how close you both were laying next to one another.

"That's Aquarius,", Ellie's finger began drawing out the stars for you and every other one she pointed out after that. Always talking softly as she murmured little facts about them and you nodding as you hung on her every word.

She could have been going on for hours or it could've just been 30 mins....neither of you knew, neither of you cared.

Eventually, you both fell into a comfortable silence as you laid inches apart from one another and took in the night sky now that it was filled with all of the knowledge Ellie had pumped into you.

You breathed in...and out. Wagering in your head how you got here. How the hell did you manage to get so lucky to have this person next to you as your best friend and confidant...but yet, there was another feeling there too. One that was screaming at you nearly all hours of every fucking day. One that was begging you to entertain the thought of Ellie as your lover or to at least attempt to convey these feelings you had for her to Ellie.

But the hesitation was always stronger it seemed. Any time you felt yourself brave enough to finally fucking do something about it, at the last second, you chickened out.

You felt it, right now. This burning..aching feeling of how perfect this moment would be to say it. Say that you love her. Say that you'd wanted Ellie since you ever entertained the thought. Say everything you've wanted to say from the past few years and have them easily roll off your tongue...

"Have you ever had a crush on anyone?" The words came tumbling out of your mouth faster than your brain could sooner process what exactly you were saying.

Ellie was so taken aback, the wind literally fell out of her chest as her mouth hung open and her gaze remained on the galaxies.

"Like..a crush crush?"

Regardless of your nerves and regret, you couldn't help but chuckle. "Are there two types of crushes?"

Ellie's cheeks reddened at the obvious. "Ouch."

You rolled your head to the side, looking right at Ellie. "You know what I mean like...you like someone and want to kiss and stuff.."

"And stuff?" Ellie quirked, mimicking your head roll so your faces were both staring at each other.

"Shut the fuck up. God, I hate you."

Ellie smiled timidly as she shook her head very lightly, "No you don't"

"Alright," your sarcastic tone evident, "I don't hate you, but are you going to answer my question."

Ellie began digging her pointer finger into the cuticle on her thumb, nervously picking at the skin as she dove into her brain, trying to figure out what the fuck you were on about with a question like this.

"I mean..yeah."

Suddenly your playful smile fell, "When?"

God, Ellie had never felt such a gleaming, hot spotlight on her before. It was almost blinding, but more so in the mental sense. She couldn't find words; it was like her brain was paused as her lips moved, but no sound was coming out all the while her eyes moved along the pattern of the blanket you were both lying on.

You sensed Ellies hesitancy.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

Ellie's eyes moved back up to yours. She gulped, her eyes moved down to your lips before she urgently brought them back to your eyes.

"No we can it's just..I don't know. We never talk about this stuff."

You nodded, "Yeah..guess I'm just curious."

"Curious about what?' Ellie asked with a pinched look to her face.

"What it feels like to like someone."

Ellie hadn't realized the large, deep breath she exhaled as she rolled back over to lay on her back.

How the hell was she going to get herself out of this question? Could see even do that?

"Why do you ask", Ellie settled in an attempt to somehow guide the conversation away from her spilling her entire heart to you.

It was your turn to mimic Ellie as you rested your back on the ground and brought one of your arms to rest under your head with eyes entranced on the lights in the sky.

"Don't try to change the subject on me."

"'M not!"

"Then tell me!"

"Fine”, Ellie's words came out quickly as she wracked her brain..but she came up with nothing. There was nothing that could guide this situation away, you were clear with your persistence on the matter.

Ellie was out of ideas and barriers from her feelings.

"It's like..", she began, trying to stifle her thoughts moving millions of miles per minute.

"It's heart stopping. One day you have no idea who this person is or that they even exist..but then, you see them and I mean really see them."

Her palms began to sweat, but Ellie didn't even notice. It was like her brain was running a race with no hopes of stopping. Now that she was talking about it, she knew if she stopped, she may never be able to do this again.

"Once you see them for everything they are and this feeling still doesn't go away. It's insane. It literally feels like you are on drugs because this person is just..", Ellie sighs, bring her hands up to rake along her tied back hair. "...this person is your everything. You can't stop thinking about them. Everything is them and they are everything. It's like your brain can't function properly without thinking about them or seeing them and It feels like somethings missing when they aren't around."

Ellie's passion in her tone caught you completely off guard as she spoke so poetically about something that you had never even known Ellie had felt before..she'd never mentioned it with you, which tugged at your heart strings slightly. Knowing that she had these profound feelings for a girl..it was strange and made you feel a pain that you'd never experienced before.

Was this jealousy? Knowing that Ellie was constantly being consumed by another who, you assumed, wasn't you..not to mention she hadn't even mentioned her fucking name to you. If you were being honest, those were only the foreground thoughts, what was really eating you up inside was that all of these things Ellie was describing were the exact way you felt about...her.

It was like a confirmation that you were indeed in love with your best friend and had been for...fuck, your entire life.

All you could manage to do was lay there, you didn't know what to say or how to respond. How can you move along this subject with the very person you were in love with?

Ellie felt a ting of embarrassment at her speech that had tumbled out of her mouth unexpectedly. She moved her pupils to watch you out of the corner of her eyes, curious of your silent and still form. "Did that answer your uh-your question,"

Your body remained still as you moved your pupils from one star to the next while you tried to gather words in response to Ellie..but now you felt bashful. You were the one who started this conversation, and now you were feeling as Ellie had moments ago. Mouth slightly moving with no words being vocalized; you were speechless.

"Hey."

Quickly, your eyes moved to Ellie who was now resting on her side with her arm bent while holding her up.

Startled, you blinked quickly as you rolled over on your side to face Ellie.

"Sorry..I got lost in thought I guess."

"What are you thinking about?"

Your eyes grew twice in size as you fixed your gaze on the exposed fern on your best friends arm..suddenly you felt the urge to brush your finger along the inked skin.

Ellie followed your gaze, moving her arm slightly more outwards so her hand was now grazing your shoulder.

Your mind went on autopilot, that's your only explanation for the way your pointer finger moved to brush along the warmth of Ellie's skin as you glided along each of the lines and bumps of scar tissue on her arm.

It was as if this was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Sure, the both of you had hugged, rested on a floor together, sat next to each other- all of that, but this. This was intimate. It felt different. Like seeing a rare bird in the wild, Ellie was careful to not move as she watched the way your finger moved along her skin until it stopped moving, but still never left her skin.

"Ellie."

"Yeah?", she replied quickly. Suddenly, both of your eyes were on each others faces with a tension so thick it could cut through pure steel.

"I think I have a problem."

Ellie was confused, "What kind of problem?"

Fuck.

You outwardly sighed as you shook your head, feeling tears brimming at your waterline as you attempted your very best at pushing them away...but Ellie knows all of your little habits, especially when you're trying to push away tears out of frustration.

"Hey," Ellie's hand moved slowly as it came to cup your chin.

Her touch made you flinch slightly, until you realized you were safe.

Ellie was safe for you and had always been..you just hoped she would still be your safe person even after you confess the thing that was inevitably going to be said at some point.

And that 'some point' was tonight.

Ellie's eyes were sympathetic as she looked at you with a questioning expression, but she remained silent and waiting for you to speak when you felt comfortable.

"I think I like someone," you said between sniffles as you leaned the weight of your head into the palm of Ellie's hand.

Ashamed to be feeling such a way, Ellie shuttered at the the feeling of her heart shattering. Her first feeling was a jolt straight to her heart. She knew this would happen one day. You couldn't be her girl in her mind forever..it was always just a matter of time. Ellie just didn't think that time would happen tonight.

Regardless, Ellie was prepared to stick with you through it all. Through the crush, the puppy love, the full blown in love feeling-she would stick it out forever, even if it meant watching you with another who wasn't her. Ellie knew you were her forever and she would take you in any form..even if it killed her.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Ellie said those words, yet feared the answer.

Out of anger towards yourself, you let out a single sarcastic laugh as you wiped your other hand along your cheek to smear away the water that had begun falling down your cheek.

"What if..fuck." You mumbled the last curse word as your words began to shake with the anxiety you felt, but you persisted.

"What if I only feel that way with you?"

Surely Ellie misheard you..there's no fucking way.

"What?"

You rolled your eyes, tears now streaming down your face as you looked at your best friend in the eyes. What was there to hide now? You just laid it all out on the table.

"I like you Ellie."

That stabbing pain Ellie felt earlier was melting by the second and quickly being replaced by a warmth that spread through her entire body.

"Please say something," you pleaded, looking at Ellie like you were helpless because that's exactly how you felt.

You needed to know what you just said wasn't jeoparodzing the friendship that you cherished more than anything in the entire world.

"So..you like me?"

You nodded, but Ellie still wasn't convinced this wasn't a hallucination of some sort. She needed to hear you say it plain and clear with everything laid out.

"So everything I just said th-the heart stopping shit, the feeling like you’re on drugs. All of that is what you feel for me?"

You couldn't nod quicker if you tried; Ellie couldn't stop her smile from spreading across her face if her life depended on it.

"Maybe we're supposed to be together then,"

You watched as Ellies shoulders flexed up and down in a shrug motion. Something so nonchalant even though Ellie felt everything but that.

In pure awe and amazement and joy and..so many other fucking emotions, you just stared at Ellie with a glimmer to your eye that hadn't been there all night, fuck, or your entire life, until now.

"Pinch me."

"What?"

"Fucking pinch me. There's no way this is real."

Ellie let out a loud chuckle. "I'm not pinching you..", she said, moving her hand slightly so her thumb could caress your cheek.

"But this is real."

"Promise?", you said, holding your pinky up in the air which elicited a good smirk from Ellie.

"Promise."

The both of you crossed pinkies and remained there, enchained in one another, even as Ellie began to speak.

"I've loved you for so long...you have no idea."

You nodded, "I think I do have an idea actually."

Ellie looked at you with honest to god love in her eyes as she chewed on the inside of her cheek before speaking.

"How long?"

"Oh god."

"What?, Ellie said, amusement in her tone as you sat straight up.

You smirked as an idea came to mind, "You first."

"Oh, it's like that now?"

You hummed an mhmm as your hand inched closer to the tips of Ellie's fingers that lay flat on the ground.

"Since I was fourteen."

"No fucking way," you nearly shot up from your seated position in pure shock.

Ellie nodded, "It's always been you for me."

The words felt foreign to be saying out loud to you-the person Ellie had forever pinned over. But it felt good, so fucking good.

"This is crazy...." Your fingers were now fully intertwined with your best friends..except this time it wasn't friendly. It was love. It felt like fucking love.

"It is..I never thought-"

"You had no idea i liked you? Never?”, you interrupted to which Ellie responded with a shake of her head.

"No idea."

A comfortable silence took over the both of you for a minute or so as you both reveled in this new feeling. This relief of getting a massive weight off of your chest and, on top of that, having the weight not crush the beautiful friendship the both of you had. Now, the friendship was just starting to grow into its fullest form.

"What do we do now?", you spoke softly truly not knowing what to do with all of this-but in a good way.

Suddenly, Ellie moved her fingers out of the web you both had made. Confusion took over your face, but was quickly washed away as she moved her hand to your chin.

Ellie didn't say a word as she tilted your face upwards ever so slightly which lined up your lips perfectly. All that was left was to close the distance, which you didn't hesitate to do.

With urgency, your face moved inwards until you felt Ellie’s chapped lips against yours. It was like a magnet the way your mouths molded together in a crushing kiss that was full of so many emotions and memories and yearning that had been packed away in secret for years.

Your jean clad legs began to move as if it were instinct for you to seat yourself into Ellie’s lap, all the while your lips never detaching from one another.

Ellie’s hands were nearly frantic as she gripped onto your belt loops and enlaced her thumbs with the denim fabric. Your combat boots dug into the blanket covered ground as both of your lips now moved furiously against one another as the both of you made up for lost time.

Soon, your hands were moving Ellie’s jacket off of her shoulders, followed by Ellie unbutton the top button on your flannel until you stopped her.

“Ellie, hold on”, you spoke with a laughter In between each word.

Ellie pulled away with a heaving chest, letting her hands drop to the tops of your thighs as you remained in her lap.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, I just-“

“Heat of the moment. You’re totally fine. I felt it too”, you interrupted with a knowing smile.

You both shared a look of content smiles as you took in the others face. Ellie and her swollen lips, you and your hair now out of place as some front strands were pressed against your forehead. The both of you were the sight of repressed love that was now finally coming to fruition.

Like earlier in the evening, Ellie’s hands found themselves playing with the keys sat on the hook looped around your belt loop, except this time…you were hers and she was yours.

Nothing would ever be the same after this.

[creatingblackcharacters]

This is going to be a bit rambling but I'd like to submit Zazie from Battle Angel Alita: Last Order, because while she's not my #1 favorite Black character, she's very cool and the most overlooked of my faves. The original Alita series from the 90s is considered a lot more iconic and the new characters from the sequel series aren't as well known! I'd love to see her get more love in manga fandom! She's cool and competent but also shy and a little socially awkward and I love her. I also collected hats as a shy little kid and wore them as a way to hide in social situations when I first read the series so I really liked that she had that same trait. The series also features a pretty cool trans masc character that has ends up having an interesting friendship with Zazie and the two of them as a duo are the best part of the series (imo). I will give the caveat that in her role in story, she ends up being more supporting cast and is a friend and mentor figure to the aforementioned trans masc character as he's figuring out his identity and she doesn't have much of her own arc, but the author has done a lot of side stories to highlight supporting cast in the past so I'm still hoping we might get a Zazie spotlight story in the future. It's a very combat heavy manga and I definitely think her fights are some of the most fun in the Last Order series as she has a very different combat style compared to most the characters so her fights really stand out.

I'm both surprised and not that I haven't heard of this character before. You both collecting hats is adorable. Tbh, the beret/bonnet style of hat saved me from severe anxiety attacks multiple times in high school, so I can't even talk. A good hat will do wonders.

And look. WELL DRAWN. no "of her time" excuses. I appreciate that. Thank you!

[imaginespazzi]

There are too many fanfics involving Paige that always have Paige being jealous or Paige chasing after "reader" or Paige messing up and have to win "reader" back or smut. I feel when people write about Paige through a heteronormative view like she the "guy" of the relationship. And I'm starting to see alot of those same plots being used in Pazzi fics. It's just weird that people stereotype Paige through that scope. Many people may label Paige as a masc but she is still a woman that seems to be sweet kind with a good heart and appreciates people around her. It's interesting that these are the qualities that people say they love about Paige but these qualities are rarely written in their fics involving her.

Can we switch things up a bit? It's okay to write about someone falling for Paige first and trying to figure out to navigate their friendship knowing how she feels then one day someone else is interested in Paige, and feels jealous and is afraid of losing her. Or someone having to win Paige back if something happened. It's boring reading the same tired plots. Can Paige be adored, chased after, taking care of, or desired/wanted (not in a smutty way) haha.

Oh clock it anon! I've always been a little hesitant to say this cause I think everyone should write what they want of course and I'm just grateful for all the writers, but you're so right about how people seem to typecast Paige as "the man" in fics and it's definitely annoying, especially because, and this is a discussion for another day, but Paige isn't even really that masc to me beyond how she dresses *sometimes* so honestly idk why that's the depiction that seems to have stuck.

#LETPAIGEBUECKERSBEHERBABYGIRLSELF2024

[our-trans-youth-experience]

So, thing that I find slightly funny and maybe a bit ironic

About a year and a half ago a friend of mine (who is a trans) wanted to start like a club that was a bit like a safe space for queer kids that you didn't have to sign up for and could just go to during like breaks and stuff (cause otherwise u have to get parent permission esp cause most clubs are after school and ur parents get notifications and that's bad for some ppl) and so he talked to a teacher we had and got it going.

At first practically no one went - partially bc of bad advertising and also maybe cause it was a bit scary to go - and he reiterated that allies could come too, my friend group wanted to support him and maybe seeing ppl there would encourage more kids to come members so we all went + it was a space were we wouldn't have half eaten apples thrown at us by eshays so it was a win-win all around.

Anyway, one of my friends made a (good natured) joke about how it was funny that there actually weren't that many queer kids in the club and that it was actually mostly cishet allies.

I find this funny because since then; 1) my friendgroup has grown and we now have A LOT more queer ppl, 2) quite a few of my friends have had realisations like 'oh i'm a lesbian/bi/trans/queer' and 3) that the very same person who made the joke in the first place figured out they're trans, changed their name to smth more masc and use diff pronouns.

idk i just found that kinda funny + a great example of the whole 'birds of a feather flock together' and 'queer ppl usually hang out in groups' thing

A similar-ish thing happened to me, I was adopted by a queer friendship group and was already questioning my gender, but I thought I couldn't possibly be trans because I wasn't sure what gender I wanted to be (I turned out agender lol), but they helped me realise that yes, being queer is totally normal, and you don't have to be a certain way to be queer.

Also that sounds like a great idea, I'd love a club like that :]

-Kay

[your-queer-dad]

Hi! (Not calling you "dad" because I have trauma from an older guy forcing me to call him "Daddy".) I have a bit of a situation...How do I navigate this? For the last several years, I have been "best friends" with someone who is pretty much a HUGE part of the trans/LGBT community and fight for rights in our area. She herself is a trans woman. It's in quotes because the longer I know her, the more red flags and toxic traits seem to bubble up and that is someone you normally wouldn't see as a best friend. BUT I cannot end the friendship or call her out on it as she could easily have me disallowed from LGBT events throughout our entire area. It started pretty early on; she basically refused to see me as a man (I am closeted trans masc/male) in public because "I have made no effort to come out or LOOK like a man!". I am closeted because our area/my family tend to be very unsafe for trans folks and I cannot afford to move out of my parents' house right now. That progressed to her calling me "trans-trender" because I don't feel dysphoria, intend on being super femme even after I am able to transition, and don't want bottom surgery. (Top surgery and a hysto would be perfect for me.) From there, she's constantly going on about how trans men/masc folks are gross because we bleed every month and how trans femme/women who don't get bottom surgery are undeserving of support and are "gross and undesirable". (For what it's worth, I met her when she was still living as a man and always supported and loved her fully. She forgets she didn't just magically transition over-night...) But lately, it's reached a point that I don't think she could redeem herself in my heart anymore. (I am so used to being abused that her previously mentioned behaviors don't hurt as much as they should.) I met a really amazing person (also trans masc) and we have become inseparable and, during one of our more intimate chats, they came out to me as intersex which lead to a longer, more in-depth conversation about their body/identity which ended with me giving them links to things for support that I knew of but of course, I am not intersex so there's not much I could offer. So, I went to my so-called "friend" and asked her for some resources in the bigger cities since my other friend recently relocated for work. I have regretted that choice since... She launched into a whole thing about how "intersex people are being greedy by also being trans" and then DEFENDED the surgeries done on many intersex babies "because it doesn't happen THAT much and besides, the parents have to consent to it so it's not like it's a dirty little secret!" She's been stuck on that for a couple days which concerns me deeply because usually she "Drops it" after a couple hours. I am sorry for the ramble but this is running through my brain like a train and I just needed to put my thoughts out there. Posting anonymously just in case she sees this.

Hey kiddo, please don't apologise it's okay. I'm always here to listen and give support where I can. She sounds like a really hard friend to be around and I don't blame you for feeling uncomfortable with that. She completely ignored and invalidated yours and your friend's gender identity, that isn't fair even if she is trans herself. I'm so sorry kiddo. 🫂🫂🫂

- dad x

[musicalmoritz]

Though on genderswap Mitsukou? What would their characters belike both appearance and personality wise?

Yuri Mitsukou!! I love this question

So awhile back I posted smth like “no fem4masc Yuri Mitsukou it has to be masc4masc” which like. I don’t really agree with anymore. I like that in canon one of them is feminine while the other is masculine and it’s not really done in a stereotypical way. Fandoms make a really big deal about people feminizing male characters- and for good reason, it does happen a lot. But that gets taken to the point that they end up unintentionally reinforcing traditional gender roles. “How dare you draw that man in a skirt” or “that male character would never cry.” It’s also weird to me that I never see the same defense given to female characters being masculinized, so it ends up feeling like a lot of fans just hate femininity. So when a male character is feminine and seemingly likes masc dudes but has one of the loudest personalities in the manga, I think it’s pretty neat. Ofc there are fans that are weirdly against calling Mitsuba feminine but I already blocked most of them so idk what they have to say

(I could talk more in-depth about how fans are so worried about feminizing Mitsuba that they erase all the soft parts of his personality and make him one-dimensional but I’ll hold my tongue)

However, with fem!Mitsuba things are usually portrayed differently. Since dude Mitsuba’s initial conflict was being bullied for looking like a girl, most people say that the reverse would be girl Mitsuba being bullied for looking like a dude. This is fine but we also have to keep in mind that the entire gag of Mitsuba’s character is that he looks feminine but has an unfiltered personality, based on his looks you would never expect him to act that way. So if girl Mitsuba looks boyish, does that mean her personality would be super soft and delicate?? Because, yeah Mitsuba does have a soft side but not in that way, and it’s not at the forefront of his personality. Plus girl Mitsuba could still get bullied for looking too feminine, internalized misogyny is very much a thing

However, at the end of the day it really depends on personal preference so I’m not at all bashing either depiction of fem!Mitsuba. I go back and forth over which one I like more. Gender themes are a pretty big part of how I write Mitsukou so it’s hard for me to imagine that switched up, but it’s also incredibly interesting to think abt. All in all I like to keep fem!Mitsuba looking androgynous, maybe she has a boyish face but still dresses very feminine. Or maybe she has a girly face but dresses very masc. It’s one of those things I like a variety of interpretation on. For this I say she keeps the same hair length and pink cardigan but wears the girls uniform. So like yeah she basically just looks the same

As for Kou, those of you that read my wlw Kou//Nene fic should know that masc girl Kou is actually everything to me. A lot of fans sort of flip their gender presentations when gender bending them- Mitsuba becomes masc and Kou becomes fem. That’s totally great if that’s what you like but for me personally Kou is gonna be wearing Old Spice. I like to imagine her hair a tad longer in the back, like a choppy version of the Bisexual Bob. She wears some type of hoodie over her uniform the same way canon Kou wears a t-shirt under his uniform. The hoodie is blue btw (gotta incorporate the lore from my mtsk fics)

I feel like their personalities and dynamic would stay mostly the same! Maybe make them a bit clingier the way female friendships are but they’re already pretty clingy in canon lol. I do wonder if Kou’s flaw of not being able to open up about his feelings properly would change due to gender socialization. But many women (including myself) have that problem too so I think it would stay the same. She might be able to open up to Teru or Yokoo and Satou better but she’d still struggle to admit when she’s feeling overwhelmed. I could see her not being the type to tell someone how she’s feeling until all those emotions have built up for months. That’s how I’ve seen the whole “can’t talk abt your emotions” problem present itself in women. And men tend to only feel comfortable opening up to their romantic partners, which is something we very much see with Mitsukou in canon. But with fem!Kou, if Yokoo and Satou were girls two they would probably encourage her to talk abt her feelings rather than just being like “let’s give him a task to distract him” (which is fine too, men have different ways of comforting their friends)

Thank you for this ask!!

[anabdaniels]

I have a request if you don’t mind. I would love to see how Agent Whiskey is when it comes to dating a trans masc person. Maybe the reader has a crush, but always sees him flirting with women, and isn’t sure. It could end in a sweet smut where he shows you how handsome the reader is. Im just so feral for this man and I know he’s so sweet to his lovers 🥰🥰🥰

Hi there! First of all, forgive me for the eternity it took me to write this hahaha. I loved your request, and yes, we know Jack is a sweetheart with his partners. Hope you enjoy it! 🥰

Heart to heart, eyes to eyes

Paring: Agent Whiskey x TransMasc!Reader

Word counting: 3.4k

Rating: +18

Warnings: Slight mentions of transphobia, minor mentions of male unpleasant behavior (not related with our cowboy, as always), reader does binding and haven't done any gender-affirming surgery (Is this the right name of it? I don't trust google 100% with these topics.), slight smut, fingering, unprotected sex, implied age gap (only if you squint), no beta (we die like half of Pedro's characters).

A/N: This is a new field of writing for me and I did my research to not mess up with anything, but I highly appreciate (respectful) corrections in case I had write anything I shouldn't.

Masterlist

Despite not being the most antisocial person in the world, you used to run from some of the Statesman parties, even after working there for a few years, you still couldn't understand how everyone in the company seemed to have so much disposition for parties and alcohol.

That was one of the occasions when you made an exception and attended the party, regretting immediately when you saw that some guys from another distillery had been invited; while Statesman people could drink a whole barrel of bourbon and still keep their common sense and morals untouched, those fellas from the other company were a bunch of douchebags even before they started to drink.

You looked over the party to find your group and, judging by the expression on their face, you weren’t the only one hating the presence of the guests. You approached your friends with a slight smile, stopping next to them.

“Y’all could’ve texted me about those assholes, I’d have come back home.” You said letting clear your dissatisfaction.

“And have one less person to hate ‘em with us?” Tequila retorted before taking a sip of his bourbon.

“I hate to be this type of person, but I’m with Tequila on this.” Ginger affirmed in her usual calm tone.

“Seems that at least one of us is having fun with them.” You pointed while observing Jack seeming to be having the time of his life while talking to the guys along with Champ, envying those scumbags for a moment, after all, it must be amazing to have Jack that excited and close to you. You took a sip of your Marguerita to ignore your thoughts, not wanting to let your teenager-in-love-like thoughts take over. During all that time you worked at Statesman, you could see Jack having most of the ladies sighing for him, but you never got anything concrete when the subjects were men. He seemed to be sympathetic and friendly with most of them, but nothing more than that. You weren’t up to being the one to find it out, only the scenario of making your friendship with him weird with your feelings already made you uncomfortable enough.

Your wandering thoughts were cut when you saw Jack walking towards the group, rolling his eyes and loosening his tie after taking the remaining whiskey in his glass at one sip.

“This job ain’t worth the stress.” Jack sounded drained “Those fellas can’t be for real.” He shook his head and leaned on the wall next to you.

“What was it this time? All women are gold-diggers or the world is losing its values?” Ginger rolled her eyes as she remembered the miserable few times she had to talk to them.

“Yeah, they complained ‘bout women, even that I doubt they ever touched one and started with the whole anti-gay bullshit. Next time Champ calls them, I ain’t showing up.” Jack snorted and rubbed his temples.

“Now that ya back, can we get outta here?” Tequila questioned without disguise how much he was hating every minute of that and Jack agreed promptly.

As it was usual when the parties were horrible, the four of you left the bottle-shaped building and walked to the bar on the dependences of the distillery. Jack unlocked the front door and turned on the lights, already walking behind the counter, making himself comfortable with a glass of whiskey. You smirked at the opportunity to mess with him a bit and sat on one barstool, resting both elbows on the counter.

“Can you get me a drink handsome?” you pressed your lips together, doing your best to pretend you weren’t feeling butterflies in your stomach. Engaging your little joke, Jack threw a dishcloth over his shoulder and placed a toothpick on the corner of his mouth while approaching you.

“And what such a beautiful thing likes to drink?” he asked with his hands resting on his side of the corner, smirking with the charm that only Jack Daniels could have.

“A Statesman with coke.” You emphasized the Statesman part, looking from the crown of his Stetson to the top of his boots, daring the most you were capable of at the moment to clarify what you meant, feeling your legs trembling with the chance of it getting wrong. Jack wasn’t naive, he knew very well the difference between a joke between two friends and an actual flirt, and he was aware that you weren’t joking with him.

“You ain’t only a gorgeous face, hum? Have an amazing taste either.” Jack winked at you and moved to grab the drink for you.

If wasn’t for the rush of adrenaline, you would’ve noticed Ginger and Tequila chuckling and nudging each other with their elbows while observing you and Jack interacting, both staying at a safe distance to not interrupt the moment since they had noticed long ago that you had a little crush on Jack.

Despite feeling your heart beating in your throat, you kept a neutral expression as Jack handed you the glass and drank from it, running your tongue over your lips as you tasted the drink, mesmerized by how talented Jack seemed to be doing anything he tried.

“I’m starting to believe that the looks of the bartender match the quality of the drink.” You pointed in a soft tone.

“Is this good or bad?” Jack asked with a smirk, his lips glistening wet by the whiskey.

“In your case, is fantastic.” You shrugged with a playful smile, taking another sip of your drink.

The moment was interrupted by someone’s phone ringing, you and Jack looked towards the other side of the room, seeing Ginger picking up her phone with a not-amused expression, rolling her eyes a few times during the call. When she was done, she sighed and finished her drink.

“Apparently Champ talked too much about our technologies to those bastards and now they want to hear more.” Ginger explained unpleased with the situation.

“My condolences.” You said playfully and she chuckled.

“This is the moment I consider starting to believe in supernatural forces to ask ‘em for help.” Ginger said calmly and looked at Tequila “I’ll not suffer by my own.”

“I’ll get another buzz and meet ya halfway.” Tequila answered without getting what Ginger was trying to do, making her raise her eyebrows and tilt her head slightly towards you and Jack, only then making him realize what she meant. “Y’know what? I’ll cause some deficit on the good drinks Champ saves for those assholes.”

Promptly they left, leaving you two alone; you felt a few butterflies in your stomach as you realized that, worrying about all the previous flirting jokes. Jack took a sip of his whiskey as he walked around the counter, sitting on the stool next to you.

“I thought you’d never admit it.” Jack said with a smirk, shamelessly looking at your mouth and then back to your eyes.

“What do you mean?” you questioned with a nervous chuckle, playing with the cup coaster on the counter.

“I ain’t blind, sugar. I’ve seen the way you looked at me.” He explained with no flourishes, making you turn red as the Budweiser cans on the fridge.

“Don’t get me wrong, Jack. I know we’re friends and co-workers and I get it if you didn’t like what I’ve said…” you got interrupted by Jack’s thumb pressing gently against your lips, making you weak on the heart.

“Calm down, sweetheart, I’ll not bite.” He leaned slightly forward to your face “Only if you ask.” Jack whispered and winked at you, keeping his hand on your face.

“So, you’re fine with it?” you asked hesitantly, fearing the answer. You knew Jack’s reputation as a heartthrob, but you always saw him with women, short, tall, black, white, skinny, fat, blond, brunette, ginger, blue eyes, dark eyes, everything, but always women.

“I’m more than fine.” He chuckled and caressed your cheek, leaning a bit more and pressing a gentle peck on your lips. You sighed louder than you expected and threw your arms around his neck, not hesitating to enjoy the opportunity life had just thrown on your lap, letting yourself go as he turned that into a real kiss.

Jack wasn’t clueless, realizing faster than the blink of an eye that you were into him and he couldn’t be more satisfied with it, after all, he was far away from having no interest in you, in fact, Jack had been interested in you since the very first day he saw you at the distillery, and after you started to work on the agency laboratory with Ginger, he was always finding an excuse to go there, but when you seemed to not be up to take a step huger than friendship even with the signs that you were into him, Jack conformed himself with being simply your friend. And, in your defense, at the beginning, you thought that Jack was only being sympathetic with you and when he started to frequently show up at the lab, you assumed that his thing was with Ginger, since they had a pretty strange relationship, seeming to hate each other sometimes, just to be all friendly and holding each other the next day.

You got lost in your thoughts as you processed that you were truly tucked between Jack’s arms, feeling your heartbeat wilder than ever as the adrenaline ran through your body. When Jack got out of his stool and stood between your legs with one hand in your hair and the other on your hip, you felt a hint of disappointment at the bottom of your heart, but at the same time you weren’t surprised; he wouldn’t be the first man to want to hook up with you in an arguable place, away from everyone.

But, of course, Jack Daniels wasn’t an ordinary predictable man.

Realizing that you seemed slightly tense, Jack assumed that he had moved a bit too fast, so he leaned slightly back, keeping his hands on you and resting his forehead against yours with a satisfied smirk on his face.

“Y’ okay, honey?” he asked quietly, gently rubbing his thumb on your hip.

“Yes.” You nodded while assimilating the unexpected changing of events “Just processing everything.” You admitted the truth and chuckled, wrapping your arms around his waist.

“We have all night for you to put yourself together.” He whispered and pressed another soft kiss on your mouth, making you smile against his lips.

As both of you expected, at some point in the night Jack was requested to get back at the party. You got back with him, imagining that he would act as always around you in front of other people and you couldn’t be more mistaken. He walked holding your hand all the way back to the central building and didn’t let go of you once you were back at the party, randomly passing one arm around your waist or caressing your fingers while speaking with everyone.

It seemed to take forever until the party ended and you were thanking all the possible existent deities for it. Catching you by surprise, but not that much since you knew him very well, Jack offered to take you home and you accepted without thinking much before answer, but you sure were thinking even less when you invited him to enter while he was parking in front of your house.

Everything after that seemed like one of the thousands of thirsty dreams you used to have; the first 20 minutes you two spent complaining about everything you could at that party were fine, but then came that miserable elephant-in-the-room moment, that both of you knew that was necessary to talk about, but wasn’t that easy to start, so the most you dared to do was kiss Jack’s cheek and try your lucky nestling on his arms, being warmly hugged by him while his fingers caressed your scalp, ending up with both of you falling asleep on the couch.

Heaven.

Undoubtedly you were feeling in heaven those last weeks.

On the years of friendship, you had already realized that Jack was an incredible person, but you were amazingly surprised with how much of an amazing boyfriend he could be and how proud he seemed every time he had the chance to show you off. Every time he saw you around Statesman, he wouldn’t waste the chance of holding or kissing you, always seeming to be the happiest someone could be.

You got to spend a lot of time at each other’s house, and that Saturday wasn’t different. Jack had picked you up in the middle of the morning and as usual made sure to keep you comfortable and papered while he cooked lunch, only the smell of it making you hungry. Once the meal was done, somehow you ended up tucked on Jack’s lap while eating, being distracted a few times by him cleaning the food sauce from the corner of your mouth or simply leaning to kiss the top of your head or the curve or your neck. The cold winter afternoon made the bed way too inviting, so you and Jack got cozily under the covers, talking about a lot of stuff, per usual, Jack didn’t waste the opportunity of dropping a few flirting comments, extinguishing your focus on anything else.

Another thing that wasn’t a novelty, there was a reason why the two of you had spent a good amount of time making out, only making out.

Yes, you were completely feral for Jack and he needed no effort to throw your libido in the heights, but you needed some time before taking a bigger step, still unsure of how it’d work, after all, the most you were in love with Jack, he still was a middle-aged southern cowboy and you didn’t have the best experiences with this category of men.

As usual, you worried only about enjoying the moment, not being able to say when you got mounted on top of Jack, sighing heavily as his hands moved over your back, thighs, and ass. With the passing time, things started to get more complicated to manage; you started to feel your body heat getting almost unbearable, your breath was getting complicated to catch since Jack seemed focused on leaving you breathless, and the soft nudge of his restrained erection between your legs didn’t make you any favor.

Diving on your desires, you sneaked your hands under Jack’s shirt, groping his skin as you moved your hips involuntarily against his fly, sighing heavily against his lips. Following your rhythm, Jack allowed his hands to travel over your body, sneaking in your t-shirt, and making you contort involuntarily under his calloused palms. You didn’t think much about what you were doing as you completely untucked Jack’s shirt from his jeans and started to open its buttons.

Your wave of courage was cut at the very second you realized Jack’s hands reaching your binder, making you freeze and lean slightly backward. Jack realized immediately that something was wrong and cupped one of your cheeks.

“What’s wrong, sugar?”

“I might’ve not told you some details between the lines.” You spoke quietly, sitting on his thighs “I haven’t made any surgery after the transition.” You looked away chewing your bottom lip “And now you probably see me as a woman.” You couldn’t hold back your pre-judgment, after all wouldn’t be the first time someone invalidated who you were simply because you didn’t feel the necessity to make any surgical change.

“Hell no.” Jack retorted without second thoughts, getting sat on the bed on a jump, keeping you cooed on his lap “I’d never start to see my man as a woman because of a little detail like this. You’re a guy, if I wasn’t aware of the details, I’d surely think you always have been a man… No, I mean, I know you always have been a man, but I think you got what I’m trying to say.” You couldn’t hold back a chuckle with his little desperation to explain himself, afraid to sound like a jerk.

“I got what you mean, don’t worry.” You smiled and leaned to give a peck on his lips “So, you’re fine with it?”

“Not wanting to sound harsh, but I don’t care about these things. I like who you are, I like you being a man, I’d like if you were a woman, or if you weren’t neither of them.” He confirmed calmly, catching you by surprise with his last remark.

“Someone has made his homework about the queer community, hum?” you questioned playfully, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“Sincerely I got lost about some stuff, but was quite interesting.” He confirmed resting both hands on your thighs, caressing your skin softly.

“Don’t worry, you’re getting the way.” You said in a melted chuckle and leaned to press your lips on his, sighing as he grabbed you by the hips, flipping you to lay on your back.

Once more you saw yourself lost in Jack’s kisses, having a hard time concentrating on resuming your task, getting rid of his shirt. The further you got into removing each other’s clothes, the more you knew you’d be obsessed with having the warm feeling of his skin all over yours, especially when he was that gentle with you, even when was clear that he was as thirsty as you.

Any crumb of hesitation you could have left vanished as you dived into the attention of your handsome cowboy and, once his idle fingers reached between your legs, everything was a blur in your mind: his mustache tickling against your neck, his free hand caressing from the middle of your chest to your lower stomach, his velvety voice whispering and mumbling about how handsome you were, how soft you felt on his hands, how much he was planning to make you lose your straight thoughts even more. There was no room for you to do more than dive in on his teasing and fall apart on his fingers, contorting and whimpering as your orgasm made your muscles feel like jelly.

Fascinated by the vision of you boneless, Jack couldn’t help himself, picking you and nestling you on his lap as you calmed down while he soothingly rubbed your back. When you recovered strength enough to straighten up, you didn’t beat around the bush to get mounted on Jack’s thighs, eager than ever to go forward, wondering how better that could get.

“I hope all your bragging about your stamina at Statesman wasn’t a lie, ‘cause you might’ve just encouraged my dirty thoughts.” You said with a soft smile, hanging your arms on his neck.

“Y’ can bet I can deal with your naughty, honey.” Jack affirmed with his usual cocky grin, grabbing your hips and pulling you closer, shamelessly letting his hard cock nudge your throbbing core, taking a quiet whimper of you.

“Now that’s some good news.” You retorted playfully and moved further, slowly taking him inch by inch inside you. Wanting to savor that moment, you sank your face into the curve of his neck, taking a second to enjoy everything going on.

Amused by your contemplative manner, Jack wrapped one arm around your waist and leaned you against the pillows, kneeling between your legs without moving your upper body away from his. Bracing himself in one arm while keeping the other around you, he started to move at a calm pace. Your moan came out louder than you expected, but you couldn’t help it while feeling that good, all cozy while nestled in Jack’s arms, surer than ever that letting him know you had a crush on him was the best decision you ever made in your life.

Getting that deep in your thoughts, only worked to make everything feel even more intense, making you unconsciously squirm and sink your hands on Jack’s skin, squeezing it tight.

“Everything alright, love?” Jack asked as he felt you tensing up.

“Yes.” You nodded slowly, needing a bit of effort to open your eyes and look at him “Just got a bit carried away here.” You admitted and leaned your head, resting your forehead on his jaw, smiling with his low chuckle.

“You better get used to it, beautiful boy.” He answered playfully and kissed the top of your head “I have no plans to stay away from you.” Your smile widened and you tucked yourself even more against him, having no doubts that he meant it.

Tagging: @missladym1981

[i-am-lakuna]

[‼️TW: This post is not sexual content itself however it talks about asexuality and thus also discusses sex.‼️]

Before pride month ends I want to talk about Transformers characters that are on the aroace spectrum!!

I want to clarify that since Cybertonians don't reproduce sexually that makes them all asexual in cannon!

...However the fandom still has a lot of different interpretations and headcannons. Some of these include procreation while others are robots being sexual for the sake of "fun" rather than biology. I personally feel VERY uncomfortable with the idea of sexual reproduction in transformers but fandom is fandom and I am well aware of how it ignores the cannon so this list is made with that in mind.

As for the aromantic part of this post....

Sadly none of those are actually cannon since the creators haven't said anything about it and it's never said out loud in the media these characters are from HOWEVER I feel like most of these are very heavily implied. If you're confused about labels please look them up!

Sorry this post only contains three characters, I'm writing this literally last minute before going to the airport lol. I feel like there are maybe some more that I've missed so you're welcome to comment or reblog if you want to add to the list!

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Shockwave: aromantic, asexual, could be aplatonic in some continuities.

I HAD to start with him. Speaks for itself really, if you're in the fandom you're probably familiar with how little emotion Shockwave expresses in general. Sadly though most people either see him as a completely emotionless monster or make him the super ooc :( He has no interest in sex or romance and some versions of him do not care for platonic bonds either.

The fandom sadly does not understand this, I'm not completely against him being shipped with other characters I just wish it was written properly and with his sexual/romantic orientation in mind. I feel like there's some interesting queer platonic lab partner shipping potential here but again this fandom is terrible at not sexualising him for some reason.

He does show care for others in SOME continuities, in Cyberverse we see that he used to be friends with Wheeljack and possibly some other characters. He does have emotions, even in other shows/media, we see him get visibly angry in TFP and Earthspark. So just saying that he doesn't feel anything is a straight up lie. He follows logic although we do see him make non logical choices when influenced by emotions, it's rare but it has happened.

I'm planning to make more content about him and being aroace spec soon. I want to show people that just because you don't feel forms of attraction or love towards others doesn't mean you're completely heartless. And yes I know an extremely stereotypical evil robot probably isn't the best character to use to prove a point like this but I just need people to stop mischaracterising him.

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Shadowstriker: aromantic, asexual.

[most of this is refering to her in Cyberverse, thought I do mention IDW briefly]

What is it with clearly aroace female characters, usually villains, and being called masc lesbians? No offence to lesbians but please y'all let us have some representation. Sorry pooks she doesn't want a girl, she doesn't want anyone actually. Which doesn't mean she doesn't value friendship, just look at how she interacts with Soundwave and Lazerbeak! That's found family if I've ever seen it!

I think she's someone who struggles a lot with emotions and intimacy just in general, though we do actually see her emotions slipping through the "mask" more towards the end of the show, even being happy [thought it was quite bittersweet] and part of a group hug in the last episode. Well done her for actually accepting physical touch that isn't punching someone in the face! She's a very untrusting character who tends to assume the worst in everyone and is really aggressive for most of the show. She has absolutely no interest in romance or sex and is probably apothisexual/apothiromantic. But as previously stated I think platonic love is really important to her. She's the type of person who would kill for her found family, in fact considering she's a Decepticon she probably has.

She's one of those extremely interesting and emotionally complex characters and yet somehow she's always overlooked. I see people talking about wanting more well written female characters and HERE SHE IS! Honestly I'd recommend watching Cyberverse even if you're just doing it for her, it's worth it. I could write a whole essay all about her. Can y'all tell she's my favourite? Because she is.

As for shipping I do like the idea of her being in a queer platonic ship with Flamewar and Slipstream in the IDW comics they're in, though again, I don't think people know how to write qp relationships...

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TFP Soundwave: demiromantic, asexual.

This one is only specific to one continuity and that's Transformers Prime. Not saying other versions aren't on the spectrum, I have a quite couple headcannons, though I feel they might be a bit ooc/self indulgent so I'm not including them since I'm trying to keep this list as "likely to be cannon" as I can.

In the show he doesn't speak and doesn't really have a face so he doesn't really express himself a lot. Though he still definitely shows emotion, just, differently I guess? He is uninterested in sex, I think he could be in a romantic relationship but it would have to be someone he's already emotionally attached to. Platonic love is extremely important to him but specifically his cassettes, they're his family. Others however.... I feel like he doesn't really care for a lot of the characters in the show but then again he doesn't show emotions much so he could just be hiding it.

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[karasbroken]

Okay, this week's moment might be controversial. But hear me out...

Doesn't that look like the smile of women who know each other a little more intimately than platonic friends?

Henta is presented as someone Aeryn was close to, a best friend even, at least in the period prior to her exile on Moya. And I'm not arguing that the script, producers, or actors intended to give fem/slash vibes. But they are not NOT giving frellmates either.

Farscape was progressive-ish for its time in the handling of queerness, but it wasn't progressive enough to make its female lead openly bisexual. However there are a couple hints that Aeryn isn't opposed to recreating with women, even if it isn't her usual preference. And this moment is one of them.

Of course people/characters can just be friends, and I'm not particularly into slash just for the heck of it. (Folks who queer everything, I love that for you!).

But I like bisexuality for Aeryn because I think it makes a lot of sense with what little we know about Peacekeeper culture. Sex isn't primarily for reproduction, it's for stress relief, to reduce sexual tension, and to promote unit bonding. People are expected to have sex often, but not regularly with the same person, to avoid jealousy, attachments, and especially relationships forming. Loyalty and sacrifice are highly valued. But lots of sex is one of those things that keeps PKs compliant during what is either a short and stressful or long and boring life.

In other aspects of Peacekeeper life, egalitarianism sort of seems to exist, though maybe in a "peacekeeper is your gender/sexual identity" sort of way rather than "men and women are equal" way because almost everyone is sort of masc-coded. PKs are required to have sex as assigned, for procreation and probably sometimes for recreation, so it wouldn't be that weird for people to be situationally bisexual even if it's not their innate inclination. (This isn't all just my speculation -- for example, Claudia Black had the understanding that Aeryn and Velorek started as an assigned pairing of some kind.) Some PK units are just five person crews, and as we've seen, they're mixed gender. In order to not pair off, people would need to sleep with all of their teammates at least occasionally (and I suppose take care of themselves too).

I particularly like the idea of Aeryn having had sex with Henta because it emphasizes that alien nature of Peacekeeper friendship. I can more easily believe that the warmth between Aeryn and Henta was caused by them having frelled on occasion (and fought together too, though Henta couldn't have been in her last unit because they were all demoted) than that they're close because Aeryn shared anything of her inner self, her emotional and rebellious nature, and created intimacy that way. Sex is the closest to emotion that they're really allowed, and even then they're not supposed to get attached. When Henta dies in front of her, Aeryn is affected but not devastated because there was a limit to how much and how deeply she allowed herself to care.

I see PK friendship as more "bros who grew up together" than "bosom friends". Frelling your shipmates makes it "no homo" where the forbidden dynamic isn't homosexual behavior but emotional involvement: Nah, we're just friends that frell sometimes like anyone else, no biggie. They're not important or meaningful to me. If we make long intimate eye contact it's because the sex was good and we had good times and were good comrades who were solid in a crisis, not because I care profoundly about them as a person...

Or I don't know. Maybe I just like to make everyone bisexual.

[devondespresso]

Wiggly-Worm Wednesday!! 🧠🪱

speeding through this before Wednesday ends (the deadline is both extremely malleable and entirely self-enforced and also time isn't real)

tagged by the lovely @hbyrde36 thank you!!

Today the worms are Connected they're connecting dots and doing a great job at it!

my non-fic worm is kinda branching off the first 1k i wrote for stwg's fic exchange, which then hopped skipped and jumped over into its own idea and now I'm enjoying my down time imagining the shenanigans of Robin sneaking Steve over post s4, like living in her bedroom hiding in the closet shenanigans cause his parents aren't back and the hospital had to discharge him to help other patients and she can't just leave him home alone that's a recipe for disaster so really she basically had no choice but to sneak him in through her ground-floor window with a duffel bag under her bed and steal a couple of her dads button down shirts because Steve's a dingus and didn't bring any even though any pullover is a pain in the back-and-tricep-roadrash right now.

so of course robins parents find out because stashing away a whole ass adult man in a bedroom for more than a day or so is actually pretty difficult even when he's not gravely injured. in my head they're pretty understanding after they get to cool down a bit, its not like steve was never around before and he'd always been polite, plus even if they still did think stobin were secretly dating, they're clearly not doing anything and the only reason Robin didn't just ask was because she wasn't going to take no for an answer.

And then on the actual wips front i had the brilliant why-didnt-i-think-of-this-sooner idea to pick a wip to work on based on what i was brainworming just for fun, which led me to my actual stobin wip and within like 20 minutes i had a couple epiphanies about the connective themes im exploring like realizing what i was putting together without realizing. (cut because oh god this got long fast)

Its ended up being a lot about gender, the imaginary wall between girls and guys in a friendship sense that feels solid just because you haven't had the proof that its not really there yet, the heteronormativity and amatonormativity driving a wedge between possible friendships. in this fic, robins really apprehensive about forming any kind of connection with steve because she's had the experience of guys only being interested in dating that she has a lot of mistrust around and m/f friendships that start forming (and ofc it ends with post starcourt platonic with a capital P soulmateisms 💕). i also have this little struggle where like if i can name multiple important theme-y words i fear ive got too many going on, so i was afraid this whole loneliness thing I've got for robin was going to conflict with the gender thing but i think ive got it sorted, they're different levels and their connected ideas, robins escape from loneliness means she has to break through her internal gender wall and let it be broken, plus the loneliness is going to be more explicit in the text because robins like fully aware of it while the gender stuff is probably going to stay mostly subtext and be much broader, popping up in steves pov area too and really all around them.

also had no clue how relevant it would be but steve and robin are like perfectly balanced blurred gender lines like steve is a masculine dude comfortable in his masculinity that also has a healthy relationship with his feminine trait, the hair stuff the babysitter/mom friend thing, he's not ashamed of any of it (and actually i had a longer post on Steve's gender balance somewhere in my drafts but we don't have time rn) and then robins like practically the same in her expression of femininity, she's as far as we see comfortably a girl, wears makeup, loved that movie about doomed love, she's got her feminine traits but also likes dabbling in masculine traits, she dresses more masc (tho its still a solid middle ground, comfort is a big focus), she likes ufos and creepy stuff and jokes about spider babies in hair. idk it just felt like they're a matching set as far as gender goes, if they did combine into one being they'd be bigender 100%

anyway uhhh this got long thank you for sticking around fyjdtjdgjdyj

tagging (no pressure and no deadline, im sorry Wednesday is already basically over dyjxjydgj): @momotonescreaming @stellarspecter @dreamwatch @pearynice @withacapitalp

@queenie-ofthe-void @carolperkinsexgirlfriend @writing-kiki @eriquin @eyesofshinigami

(Vague Rules just in case this makes no sense xtjsdjtdyj: it's technically just Wiggly Wednesday and its where you just post your brainworms/fun ideas of the past week/day/whatever. its super loose, i like talking about brainworms for things ill never write and things im currently writing but you can do whatever. no set number of ppl to tag, just have fun!)

@puppy-steve @hairstevington @hotluncheddie @gleek4twd @klausinamarink

@soaringornithopter