#matty please start making better decisions

[middlewestcrisis]

Daredevil s2 rewatch except i go smoke a bowl during every part except the Frank Castle trial arc because it’s the only part of that fucking season that makes sense

[graciegoeskrazy]

mine

matty healy + teen!daughter!reader

cw: mommy issues, lil yelling, crying, cursing, family secrets

an: i’m back. my b. the beginning is mid but the rest is not bad it gets better basically lol. ty to the anon who requested this. hope u enjoy :)))))

“Can I ask you something?” You asked George in the car.

“Anything.” He said.

You turned down the music and faced George over the armrest. “Who is my mother?”

“Anything but that,” he said, turning the music back up.

“George!” You said, stopping his hand. “C’mon. Just a name?”

“I should not be the one telling you who she is.”

“So you do know who she is…”

He looked at you for a second, knowing you caught him. He sighed and replied. “Yes.”

“Tell me.”

“No.”

“Please?”

“Ask your father.”

You sighed. “I’ve done that my whole life! He’s never given me anything. Not even a name.”

“Then what makes you think I would.”

He thought then turned to him. “Because you love me and I’m your favorite?”

“No.” He said too quickly.

He reached a red light and you reached over the armrests closer to him, trying to get him to answer and to annoy him.

“George, I’m turning 16 next week. I'm going to have a big party with all my friends over and have the time of my life, and I’m going to plan it all without my mom there.”

“Not the sob story.” He said, hands over his eyes.

“Yes, the sob story! Next year I’m gonna go to prom, and she's not gonna be there to help pick out my dress. Same for when I get married. She’s not gonna be there. I’m going to go through all of these milestones and she's not gonna be there and I will never know why. I don’t even know if she’s alive! I’ve spent the past nearly 16 years of my life wondering what she's like. Is she alive? Is she dead? Did she die during childbirth? Did she kill herself? Does she live back home? Have I met her? Is it someone that I know? I don’t fucking know because my overprotective father won't tell me shit!”

He looked at you for a minute then back at the road. You could tell you were about to break him.

“If she's alive and she doesn’t want to be a part of all those things, then at least I know that she's a bitch who didn't want to be there, instead of lying awake at night wondering.”

He sighed, and you grew hopeful.

“I don’t know much about her-”

“But you know some things…”

He looked at you, “Yeah.”

“Well?”

He pulled over. “You, my dear sweet girl, were unexpected.”

“I figured.”

“Your father had been dating someone during the end of school. We had met her a couple of times, he brought her around. It was whatever. One night, he showed up at my house, it was late. He was a sobbing mess. He told me she was pregnant and he was the father. No one knew except me and the boys. He eventually told your grandparents but they didn’t even know he had a girlfriend so that was a funny conversation.”

You held onto every word.

“She wanted to get rid of the pregnancy but she was already nearly halfway through the whole term before she found out so it was already too late. She said she wanted nothing to do with the baby so it was up to your dad to make a decision.”

“Was he gonna get rid of me?”

“He was torn. He wanted to keep going and do what he could but he also didn’t know if he could give you what you truly deserved then.”

He sighed.

“Your mother left right after she gave birth.”

Tears started forming in your eyes as you looked at George.

“Oh, bubs-”

“I’m fine- keep going.”

He sighed again. “Meanwhile, your dad took one look at his girl and fell in love. He vowed to give you everything he had and more.”

You gave him a suggesting look. He looked outside the window and the roof of the car. Anywhere but at you.

“Her name is Ayla. That’s all I know about her I swear. She never mentioned a job or a family or anything.”

You did it…

He turned to you with a serious look. “Promise me - you won’t go and look her up or cause any trouble.”

You held out your pinky.

“I promise.”

…

It’s crazy what a teenager can do with a name, the internet, and some time. It only took 15 minutes before you found her. Ayla Anderson. Age 33. Born in Manchester, lives in New York City. You were fully aware that George told you to do the exact opposite of what you were currently doing. You were also fully aware that your dad was playing Madison Square Garden in a couple of weeks and you would be in NYC along with him for 2 weeks. It was too perfect. You kept the info in tabs on your computer, occasionally looking over at it whenever you were bored. When the day came a mixture of adrenaline and anxiety took over you, not sure how to feel. Your breathing became incredibly shaky. The freezing New York City air combined with your uncontrollable anxiety became a recipe for unease once you got off the subway in Brooklyn. The 10-minute walk to the unfamiliar address was filled with emotions and questions. What if I got the person and place wrong? What if she recognizes my face instantly? What if she has kids? What if she pulls a gun on me before I speak? What if she just slams the door in my face? In a way, it made the walk seem to go by faster, but you couldn't tell if it was a good or bad thing.

The entire apartment building was filthy. Nasty floors that were covered with dirt that hadn’t been cleaned in years, walls that were filled head to toe with writings, graffiti, dirt, and even some spots of blood. The lights that were supposed to fill the hallway either had burnt-out bulbs or had broken pieces on the floor. When you arrived at the door and prepared to knock you heard the sound of cries that only could’ve been coming from a young child. You took a deep breath, closed your eyes, and knocked on the door, hoping that whatever came next would give you some answers.

“Coming.” A man’s voice answered. The door swung open and revealed a man who appeared to be in his forties wearing khakis, some band tee shirt, with a flask in hand.

You stood in shock. You had no idea who this man was. After a moment of not answering and just staring at his face, he spoke. “Can I help you?” He asked harshly.

“Um- yeah. Hi. I’m looking for Ayla Anderson.”

He nodded and walked back inside, slightly closing the door while doing so. “BABE! DOOR!”

As he disappeared from your eyesight, a woman came into view. You knew instantly. It was her.

You and your dad always looked like twins so to speak. You were the epitome of a mini Matty, but there were always some things that never made sense in terms of you inheriting them from your dad. For instance, your face shape and bone structure were completely different, your nose had a slightly different shape, and your skin tone was completely different than Matty’s. Those 3 things imparticular were staring right back at you when she opened the door.

She looked at you and spoke, obviously not recognizing who you were.

“Hi. Can I help you?”

You swallowed. “Um. Yes- are you Ayla Anderson?”

She tilted her head. “Depends.”

You smiled. Hopeful. Then spoke. “My name is y/n Healy.”

Her eyes widened when she realized your last name. You noticed the change on her face then hesitantly continued.

“Are you-“

“Please go away.” She said cutting you off.

“Are you my mom?” You said it quite loudly but you didn’t think anything of it until she shushed you and spoke in a hushed tone.

“My husband doesn’t know-“ She said, closing the door a little more as she stepped outside, hoping the man in the other room wouldn’t hear anything.

“Are you?” You asked again. Your eyes were glued to her.

“Listen, kid, you need to leave.” She went to reach for the door but you helped it open with a firm grasp.

“Are you my mother?” Your eyes and voice were full of tension.

She sighed, “Biologically…yes.” You softened just a bit. It was her. No more daydreams or fantasies of what she is or could be. It was her.

“But, in every other way shape, or form, I am nothing to you.” Her tone grew serious as she caught you off guard.

Before you could even think of how to respond, a cry coming from inside the apartment cut you off. She sighed and turned back to you. “That’s my kid, listen I-“

“You have a kid?” You asked, cutting her off.

She gave a very sad smile. She felt a wave of sadness when she realized she was handing you life-changing news. “I have 2. Yeah.” She gave a weak smile. “2 Boys.”

You slowly nodded while trying to peek inside the door. “So they’re-“

“And they don’t know you exist.” She said, cutting you off. She got serious again. “And as far as I’m concerned, they never will.”

She crossed her arms and whispered. “I’ve done so good at reshaping my past, the last thing I need is some kid coming and fucking it up.”

You stood in disbelief. How could she be this cruel?

“Why are you even here anyway? Money? You think I got money?”

“I’m not here for money.” Your voice was hoarse with tears.

“Then why are you here?”

You shrugged while continuing to cry. “To see you.” You whipped the tears and straightened up. “I wanted to see you.”

She sighed. “Yeah, well, that makes one of us.”

You were heartbroken.

She looked back into the apartment and then back to you, sighing. “Listen, kid, uh…what was your name?”

She doesn’t even know my name.

“Y/n.” You said, sadly.

“Y/n! Right. Listen, y/n. I’m sorry you came all this way for nothing. I’m sorry I can’t be the mother of your dreams or whatever the fuck you had planned in the little head of yours. Whatever you want, I can’t be that for you. Frankly, I don’t want to be.” She shook her head and sighed. “I’m being honest when I say I wish you the best of luck in life. But I truly don’t want any part in that.”

You swallowed and nodded, not having the courage to look up at her.

“Get home safely.” She said, slamming the door.

…

In the thousands of ways you pictured your mom since you were little, it sure wasn’t like this. The ride back to your and your dad’s Airbnb was faster than the ride over there. Time seems to always go faster when you are in your head. Some gave you looks as you sat quietly on the subway back, either of concern or confusion. It was New York City after all so seeing a young woman like you in your state is nothing new for some of these people. You got to your place sooner than expected and quickly wiped your tears before stepping inside. You were hopping to walk in quietly so no one would notice you but that goal was shot down when Mayhem loudly greeted you at the door. Like always, your father and George were sat at the kitchen table doing work. They said hi, not noticing your fragile state at first,

“Hey, bubs!” George said.

You mumbled a weak “Hey.” after getting up from petting the pup.

Your father took notice of your tone, as well as the dried tear stains of your cheeks. “You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, fine. I’m gonna go take a nap.” You said, as nonchalantly as possible. It didn't fool your dad and uncle though.

“What’s up with her?” George asked.

“I don’t know?” he furrowed his brows before adding, “I’ll go talk to her.”

…

As soon as you got upstairs you put your backpack down and jumped on your bed, letting out a plethora of tears you didn't know were there. You couldn't get her words out of your head, they just kept repeating in your mind. So much so that you never hear the footsteps your dad made while walking up the stairs and to your room. His knocking on the door took you out of your trance.

“Darling?” he asked.

“One sec.” You grabbed a tissue and wiped your tears quickly before going to the door and unlocking it.

He smiled at you, not saying a word.

You let out a small confused smirk. “What’s up?”

He sighed and leaned against the door frame. “How was your adventure?”

“Fine.” You replied. You held the door slightly closed, not wanting to let him in, Also giving short answers in the hope of this conversation ending quickly. You couldn't hold your emotions sin for that long.

“Fine?” He asked.

You swallowed “Yeah. Fine.”

He hummed before asking, “Where’d you go?”

“Brooklyn.” You said.

“Hm. What’s there?”

“Boring stuff. I just walked around, you know?”

He knew you were full of shit, but this felt different. He could push you the same way he was used to. This felt different. You felt…fragile. “Hm. You okay?”

“Yeah. Peachy,” you said, with a small, obviously fake, smile.

He straightened up and asked again. “You sure?”

You swallowed and slammed the door.

Matty’s suspensions were correct. “Darling, open the door.”

You were already sobbing. You locked the door and slid down it, sitting on the other side. “I can’t.”

His voice got sweet, laced with concern. “Why, love? What happened?”

At this point, George started heading up the stairs. They just heard your weeping and grew even more worried. “Please tell me, love.”

No answer.

“Darling, whatever it is, we'll figure it out. I won’t be mad I promise.”

Still, no answer.

“Are you safe? Are you hurt?”

Matty was now fearing every terrible scenario. “Y/n, please just-“

“I found her.”

He took a breath and thought before speaking, already connecting some dots.

He sighed, “Found who?” He asked, pretty confident he already knew the answer.

“Ayla.” You said, through tears,

“Y/n Healy-“

“I’m sorry! George told me her name-”

“George Daniel!”

George started to turn away but Matty grabbed him by the collar.

You spoke before he had a chance to get mad at your uncle. “She’s 33. Moved to the U.S. right after she gave birth. She lives on 1924 Larklin Street Apartment 4C in Brooklyn, New York where she lives with her two sons and husband.”

He sighed. “Oh my god-“

“George only told me her name. Don't get mad at him. I’m the one who did the research.”

He glared at George as he dropped his grip. “Did you visit her?” He asked.

“Yeah.” You hesitantly said.

“And what happened?”

The tears you thought were starting to disappear came back again at the thought of her words. “She told me to leave. Told me she doesn’t want any part in my life.”

“Fuck.” He knocked his head on the door, sighing.”

Your tears were now at a full 10 and you were slightly struggling to catch your breath. “Why was I not good enough, Dad?”

“Baby-”

“Why does she hate me?”

He sighed.

“What did I do?”

“You did nothing wrong, y/n-”

“Then why don't I have a mom?”

Matty thought then continued. “Because you don’t need her. The universe or whoever is up there knew that I and your entire family were more than capable of raising the best girl known to mankind. They knew that you were exactly what I needed, so they sent you my way with the help of some bitch named Ayla.”

“You don’t believe that do you?”

“The point is, you were sent my way for a reason, and that reason never involved Ayla.”

“You were meant for me. No one else.”

“You thought about those words for a bit and eventually your cries turned into sniffles.

“Can you open the door now?” He asked hesitantly.

You moved next to the door reached up and turned the handle, opening and unlocking it.

His heart winced when he saw you in your crying state. “Oh, my baby.”

He reached his arms out and you fell into his embrace immediately. Your head falls onto his chest. “It’s gonna be okay. I promise you.”

He pressed a kiss on your forehead.

You sat up after catching your breath. “Thank you for being mom and dad.”

He smiled and took you into another tight hug.

George appeared from around the corner and your dad playfully frowned at him.

“Never trusting your ass with family secrets again.”

You and George smiled. “Sorry mate.”

[ch0k3herwithaseaview]

@jegulus-microfic | march 8 bar | words: 747

did i use two tiktok sounds in this one? yes. yes, i did. am i sorry or ashamed? not in the slightest

enjoy <33

“We’re going out tonight,” Barty said without any preamble.

“Hello to you too, Bartemius,” Regulus replied with an eye roll. “Should I congratulate you on this decision or pity you?” His friend laughed at that.

“No, you didn’t get it. We are going out tonight,” the other guy said, emphasizing the word ‘we’. Regulus stiffened at the statement.

“Fuck off, I’m not going anywhere,” he said, going back to painting his nails.

“Yes, you are! You’ve been moping ever since that Max guy...

“Matty.”

“Same shit, anyways—he left you for some chick! C’mon, Reggie, it’ll be fun; maybe you’ll even get lucky and get some." Barty continued, catching his attention at the last part. Yeah, maybe a rebound with some stranger would make him feel better.

“What should I wear?” There was a loud ‘woohoo’ from the other end of the line, and then Barty started talking about outfits Regulus should put on.

***

An hour later, they both stood at the entrance to the pub called Thirteen Needles, waiting for Evan and Pandora. It didn’t look like a stereotypical British pub with its unmatched chairs and sofas and some colorful lamps thrown around the place. All in all, it was a nice place.

When the dark-skinned siblings showed up, they only managed to smoke half a cigarette each.

“Looking good, Reggie,” Pandora said as Evan approached Barty and started kissing him eagerly. Regulus looked down at his clothes; he wore a black DIY sleeveless crop top with Marina’s Electra Heart cover, tight black pants, and low Docs. Yeah, he looked good.

In response, he just smiled at the blonde girl, making a gesture to come in.

All four of them sat at a table with high chairs, not far from the bar. After their second round of tequila shots, Pandora leaned closer to him. “The bartender is looking at you like you’re the eighth wonder of the world,” she whispered in his ear. Immediately, he turned around to see the man she was talking about, and he was met with the most beautiful eyes he'd ever seen. The guy noticed him looking and smiled the brightest smile, at which Regulus spit his drink a little. The bartender had the audacity to chuckle at that.

Regulus turned back to his friends, thinking about the rebound he had considered earlier. He ended his drink in one big gulp, putting the glass back down with a thud.

“Anyone wants anything? No? Good” Regulus said this quickly, jumping from his stool and heading straight for the bar.

When he got there, the Pretty Eyes Guy was busy with another customer, and Regulus had time to look at him properly.

The Guy looked like some Latino god with his tanned skin, well-built arms covered in patchwork tattoos, messy hair, and gold accessories—glasses, earrings, and a single signet on his left hand’s middle finger. He had nice hands, Regulus thought.

When it was his turn to order, The Guy’s eyes sparkled with joy.

“Hi there, what can I get you?” Oh god, he had such a nice, deep voice.

“Um, one long island, please.” His voice, on the other hand, sounded like he just had a stroke.

“On it” The Guy winked and started preparing his order. Throughout the whole thing, Regulus's eyes continued to follow his movements. At some point, the guy smirked and said, “If you keep undressing me with your eyes, I’m going to catch a cold,” and it was Regulus turn to chuckle.

“Oh, nice one…”

“James” The Guy, James, filled in, stealing a glimpse.

“Nice one, James,” Regulus said softly.

When James finished preparing his drink and Reg took out his phone to pay for it, the bartender shook his head. “On the house. Enjoy…”

“Regulus”

“Oh. Oh, I like that." James smiled that bright smile again, and Regulus only winked in response.

He went to order three more times, only flirting innocently. He found the courage to speak his mind when he got there for the fifth time.

“So, listen, James. Would-“

“I’m off at one and live just down the street,” the bartender interrupted, tilting his head and smirking at him. “My roommate is out all night, so you can scream my name as loud as you need to, sugar,” he added, lowering his voice.

And Regulus, well, he just laughed at James. How can someone be so good-looking and talk so badly?

Either way, as Barty said, he got really lucky and actually got some.

[bfiaflbox]

Stop doing all that thinking!

Subby!Matty x reader

Warnings: smut

Summary: Matty just needs to stop overthinking

Disclaimer: this is literally the first fic I’ve ever written and put out. English is my second language and this is not proofread so be nice. Constructive criticism and comments are welcome.

The hotel room door clicks shut behind the two of you and Matty let’s out a sigh. It’s been a rough day. Week. Month maybe. Things going wrong, disagreements, compromises. Matty working tirelessly on the new show, early mornings, late nights. It’s a lot to do, a lot to think about, a lot of decisions to make. His mind constantly trying to hold every thought, very idea in place to make the show even better, sometimes forgetting to be friendly in the process, constantly apologising when he catches up with his words. He‘s stressed. In a good way maybe? He‘s in his element when he‘s busy but it’s taking a toll. On your relationship for example. It’s been a while since it’s just been the two of you alone in a room together not too tired to just mumble good night and fall asleep.

He takes off his jacket and plops down on the edge of the bed. He lets out a long breath of air and it’s almost like he is deflating.

He can be himself around you. No jokes or deflection needed. You love every side of him, even the ugly ones. He knows he can cry, be soft and weak around you and it won’t scare you away. It’s been a process getting there through insecurities and social constructs, until one day after one of the „but don’t you find it unattractive when I…“-conversations you practically shouted „are you going to let me love you unconditionally or are you going to keep being a little bitch about it?!“. You both had to laugh at that and you knew: No hiding emotions from each other.

You step between his knees and he looks up at you. God, he’s gorgeous. You run your hand through his locks as his chin rests on your belly and his arms are coming up to hug you. You stay there for a little while, feeling him slightly relax under your touch.

„It’s been a day, huh?“

He closes his eyes and sighs again. “Yeah”.

“Tell me, what’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”, you ask. You adore him. You want to be close to him at all times. Seeing him enjoying your presence just as much does things to you.

“A lot. Too much maybe”, he’s tired, you can tell. You don’t press for details.

“Want me to make you feel better, pretty boy?” You say softly and his eyes shoot up at you. You don’t know where that nickname came from but he seems to enjoy it so you don’t overthink it.

“Please” he whispers softly and your mind almost goes completely blank. He’s already begging. Fuck.

You lean down and kiss him. He’s kissing you back hungrily. You know his beautiful, creative mind can be a burden sometimes and right now he’s desperate to not think, just feel. He wants to be told what to do, not make any more decisions, and you’re more than happy to oblige. You break the kiss.

“Take off that shirt for me”

He gets to work on the buttons of his shirt, all while your hands are not leaving his curls, his gorgeous soft curls. Once the shirt is off you lightly push his shoulders and he lies down on the bed. You lean down, unbuckle his belt and unzip his pants. His length he has tucked away in his slacks is already rock hard, a realisation that never fails to make you hornier than you already are. You hook your fingers under the elastic of his boxer shorts and pull the fabric down. Matty helps you by arching his back, lifting his pelvis so you can rid him of the clothes. His cock springs free and your mouth starts watering.

“Fuck, that beautiful cock, you’re so pretty, darling” you tell him and he blushes. His hands lift up to cover his face and you hear him letting out a little giggle.

“What? You are. Just look at you all naked and hard for me”

“Shit, you can’t call me “pretty” and “beautiful” like that!”

“Why not? Just stating facts” you grin.

“It makes me…” he trails off

“Shhh, just enjoy it!” This is fun. It’s never not going to be fun to see him like that. “Scootch up a litte for me, pretty boy!” You instruct and find a place between his legs when he’s settled again. You bend down and lick a stripe up his cock and Matty lets out an obscene moan.

“That’s right, let me hear you darling” you don’t want him to hold back. Hearing him is one of your biggest turn ons and he knows it.

You circle the head of his cock with your tongue, giving extra attention to the little band of skin connecting the head to the shaft.

Matty let’s out a long and soft “Fuuuuuuuuuuuck”

You take the whole head into your mouth, sucking the air out of your mouth to create some under pressure. The moans you hear coming from Matty are all the encouragement you need to keep going. You take as much of his length into your mouth as you comfortably can and start bobbing your head.

You feel great and powerful but you know that at this point Matty is probably in his head again, debating whether or not you’re enjoying this or not. You snake your right hand up to his nipple and pinch as hard as you can. He lets out a surprised noise, his head shooting up to see you obviously enjoying yourself. Another “fuuuuuuck” rips from him as his head hits the blanket again.

“I want to… baby… I…please” he’s trying but it’s too much for him to form coherent sentences. The fact you’ve got him this disheveled is almost enough to make you cum right then and there.

With a sloppy sound you release his cock which slaps back to mattys lower abdomen.

“Use your words, pretty boy! You want to what…?”

“Taste…” he swallows “I want to taste you… please?”

It’s almost too much, the way he sounds, begging almost desperate.

“Fuck! I love it when you ask nicely, darling!” You whisper. You make your way up his body, leaving kisses along the way until your knees are at either side of his head, your cunt that had been left neglected until now right above his face. You slide your knees apart, slowly lowering your core to his mouth. The second he’s in reach, Matty sucks your clit into his mouth and it’s divine.

“Fuck! Yes, baby! So good” you try and sound controlled but you’re anything but.

Matty eats your pussy like a starved man. He knows what you like and he’s putting that knowledge to good use.

“Yes, baby, fuuuck. You’re doing so good! So good baby, gonna make me cum”

Matty is committed now, there’s no stopping until you come on his tongue and you both know it. He sucks and licks and fucks you with his tongue. He drags his fingernails lightly across your ass cheeks and then hold on to your thighs as if to lock you into place above him.

“Fuck, baby. Yes! Keep going! So good for me!” you don’t really know what you’re saying and you don’t really care as you come on mattys face with a scream. You ride out the aftershocks of your orgasm on his face. Your thighs shake but you make your way down Matty’s body, littering his face and body with little praises of “so good for me” and “your doing so well” and “my pretty boy”. Once you’re face to face again you can’t help but kiss him passionately. Some primal part of your brain wants to taste yourself on his tongue and you don’t have it in yourself to stop. You moan into his mouth as you taste your juices on him. So. Fucking. Good.

You lower your pelvis so your labia comes to sit on the still rock hard cock against his lower abdomen. As you rock your hips a bit, you hear and feel Matty groan beneath you.

“Not much longer now, darling. You’re going to be inside me and I’m going to make you cum. It’s alright” you coo but Matty is getting desperate. You draw it out a bit longer just to rile him up a bit more. “Shh baby it’s alright, I’m gonna make you feel good” you’re having too much fun here. Oh well.

You lift your hips, take his rock hard, already leaking cock into your hand, place the tip at your entrance and lower your hips again. Slowly. So deliciously slow that you can register every ridge and every vein entering you. When just the tip is inside, you stop. Matty lets out a desperate whine.

“please! Please darling. Need to feel you, please. Oh shit”

You lower your hips a bit more. You feel the delicious stretch like you always do. He’s big. Perfectly so.

“Yes! Yes!! Please more!”

You take him all the way inside. Your cunt pulsing at the familiar stretch.

“Fuck! Yes!” He moans.

You slowly start raising and lowering your hips, drawing a bunch of desperate moans from Matty.

“You’re doing so well, pretty boy. My beautiful darling all worked up and horny for me. Stretching me soooo goood”

As you feel he might be close, you raise your hips, only letting the tip stay in your pussy, completely stilling your motions. At first Matty doesn’t know what’s going on. But then he realises you just want to rile him up a bit more.

“Wha…? No! Fuck! Please! Please fuck me!” He chokes out desperately and you’re more than happy to oblige.

You slam your hips down to his, taking him inside you fully. Your pace is quicker now. You fuck the desperate man beneath you as fast and hard as you can. The moans he let out are becoming more and more desperate, as are yours. Your left hand is coming up to Matty’s throat. He nods and you squeeze. His eyes glaze over and he comes with such a desperate whine and an outstretched “Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck”. The sound is enough to make you orgasm as well. With his name on your lips and his cock still deep inside you, you collapse on Matty’s chest as your body goes through the aftershocks.

You hold each other tight, grounding each other.

“Fuck. I fucking love you” he says still holding you tight.

“I love you too, pretty boy” you giggle. You want to stay like this forever. Just the two of you, impossibly close.

[justanamesstuff]

To be with you, that's all I want - M.H

Matty Healy x reader!DHassistant A/N: and one day she returned posting. For how long? Who knows! Lol...I hope you guys enjoy it! It's something i've started to write ages ago and thought for this 'returning I'll edit one of the drafts i have'. I promise soon I'll post the 'All I Need'!! <33 Let me know what you think! this has a second part 🤭

Warnings: angst, hurt feelings, typos.

Word count: 1.7 K

Blog MASTERLIST

January 

Matty couldn’t help himself, he wanted to keep kissing her until the lack of air broke them apart. Kissing Y/n become an obsession he just wanted to enjoy and not think it was ethically right or wrong. ‘I’ll think about it later”, Matty repeated inside his head, meanwhile his hands roamed around her naked back. The pleasure of having her inside his bed, in his house. 

On the other hand, the kiss didn’t intoxicate Y/n’s mind as much as his when the constant thought she had been having for weeks pushed to be at the front of her mind. Y/n softly placed a hand on the centre of his chest. Matty retreat his face centimetres away from Y/n’s.

She spoke first, “We shouldn’t, Matty.” the sorrow tinting her voice didn’t reach him. 

“What we shouldn’t, baby?” he asked, totally enamorated by her. 

“We need to stop.”

That phrase hit him fully. Matty leaned back –although still touching her–, giving Y/n enough freedom to move away and out of the bed. 

“What are you talking about, Y/n?” Matty spat hurt.

She didn’t even look at him. Too nervous about what she would found in them. Y/n didn’t felt the urge Matty was feeling inside his heart, which pumped hard and fast. 

“I’m not judging you or anything, but you’re just messing around, and I-” Y/n tried explaining her thoughts. Although, the words she had been thinking on for weeks, the speeches she had been rehearsing were nowhere to be found inside her head. 

After giving Y/n the space to keep talking, but annoyed about her position, Matty urged to keep going, “You?”

“I want something serious, Matty. You don’t want that.” Y/n directly told him, resuming her worries. 

“Maybe I’d want it with you?” the singer knew what he wanted, even though he wasn’t sure about her, making his mouth and mind twist the words. 

His position confirmed Y/n’s fears.

“But you don’t want it now, Matty.” she said, pulling her jumper down. “I know myself. If we keep this going, I’ll catch feelings…and it would mess everything between us, I don’t want that.”

“So, you just decided for the both of us?” the anger building in Matty’s stomach.

“Matty, come on.” for the first time since she exited the comfort of his bed, Y/n looked into his brown eyes. 

“What?” he was obviously pissed.

“Please, understand.” she begged.

“I want you.”

She didn’t believe him. “Yeah, now…but be sincere, with you, with me…you don’t want a relationship right now, and it’s okay.”

Matty couldn’t stop the words falling from his lips. “I don’t know. Maybe-” 

The singer was in a complicated position. He wanted her, but Matty didn’t want to push Y/n to do something she was so clearly against to. And above all for the sake of his ego he wasn’t going to beg. 

“Maybe it’s not enough, Matty.”

“Y/n…”

“I think- I better go.”

“No, don’t leave, angel.”

“I’ll see you later, Matty.”

“Y/n!”

Matty fell back, hearing the front door closed with a big sound. 

—----------------------------------------------

March

Y/n searched between all the documents placed in front of her. Jaime had asked for some of them because those had to be signed by Monday. As the perfect assistant she was, Y/n would never leave those for the last minute. 

Also, on Monday, she wanted to stay in the safety of her little office. The guys would be back home by Monday for a brief time until they had to return to the USA. 

For the last two months, Y/n had been away from the band and specially from Matty. During the first week, he tried to contact her countless times, but Y/n decided to stay strong on her decision. It was for the better.

****

Once Y/n spotted the documents Jaime requested and her computer was off, since handed the papers were the last task for the day, she walked the short way from her office to Jaime’s. 

While she was walking, Y/n thought about the multiple outfit options for her plans that night. She wasn’t overly excited about them, but her friends and therapist insisted on starting to go out and meet new people. 

****

At the same time, Y/n knocked and opened the big door. 

“Jamie?”

“Come in.” the manager said out of habit. 

“Um, here are the docu-” Y/n’s eyes moved from the documents on her hand to the desk occupying the room. Jaime wasn’t alone. “Hey.” Y/n greeted him. 

“Hi.” Matty spoke, making her heart burst. 

Y/n didn’t know what to add, so her attention returned to Jamie. “Yeah- Um, here are the document you-”

Jaime cut her short, “What are you doing still here, Y/n?” his tone was warm but stern. 

“I was finishing this.” Y/n could feel Matty’s eyes on her, although she kept hers on Jaime, since she was a bit bewildered about his question.

“It wasn’t urgent.”

“I know, but I wanted to finish it.”

“Okay, thank you…go home, Y/n. Enjoy your weekend!” he urged her with a smile.

Y/n obeyed, without saying more than a quick, “Thanks.” 

****

Her heart was moving fast and her skin tingling when Y/n started arranging her office, so she could leave as soon as possible.

Y/n didn’t close the door after she entered her office, so the sound startled her. Matty was inside, staring directly at her. 

“Are you in a rush?” he folded his arms in front of his chest. 

Matty looked the same as she remembered, and at the same time a stranger. Two months can change you from head to toe. 

“Yes…kinda. I’ve somewhere to be-”

“You were ignoring me. I’ve trying to reach out to you since I landed home.”

Y/n looked inside the bag she was meant to close, noticing her phone showing a good amount of notifications. She had been ignoring the phone, keeping the world and specially her friends constantly talking about the date. 

“I’ve been busy, like you, I guess.” Y/n spat. 

“Why are you angry?”

“I’m not.”

“Sure, Y/n. You’re really happy to see my face after two long months…”

She checked –again– if the computer was off and her belongings inside her bag before looking at Matty. 

“I need to go now.”

“Running away again…you mean.” Y/n felt her cheeks warmer than before because he was right, she was trying to scape his presence. 

“I’m not-”

“Where are you going?” Matty asked her without embarrassment.

Y/n answered cryptic, “I have…plans.”

“You never have plans on Fridays.” Matty accusing her of lying pissed her.

“You haven’t been around for the past two months. You don’t know what’s going on with my-”

The singer interrupted her, “Then tell me.”

“I don’t want to. I don’t have to, Matty.” Y/n said, rounding her desk, reaching for the door. Matty didn’t move a single muscle of his body, blocking her way out. “Matty, move.” Y/n asked, trying to keep her composure. 

“No.”

Matty knew how to drive her insane. “You can be so childish!”

“Let me take you home.” he offered, with a tone that showed second intentions. 

“I’m not going home.”

Y/n couldn’t help to avoid feeling pulled towards him. Having Matty so close after so long did big damage to her senses. 

“Where then?”

She wasn’t telling him.

“Please, move.”

“Y/n…”

“I have a date, okay? Are you happy now? Move!”

“With whom?”

Y/n looked up to his eyes, starting with a, “Not your-”

Although he cut her short, “Oh, yes, it’s my fucking business!”

“You’re such a hypocrite.” she fought back. 

Matty knew what she was referring, even though chose keeping insisting. “Tell me his name, Y/n.”

“Matty, I’m begging you…let me go.”

“No.”

“Don’t do this to me.”

“Name.”

“Fuck- Sam.” 

Sam was a friend of the guys, he was closer with Ross than with the rest, and someone Matty knew fancied Y/n for the longest. 

“No…he didn’t dare-”

“Happy? Move.”

“Fuck no, Y/n. You’re not going.” Matty spoke like he was some authority over her, or her boyfriend or someone close. Someone he had never been to her or wanted to.

Y/n didn’t hesitate to scream, “Who the fuck do you think you are, Matty?”

“Since when?” Matty wanted to know how long the bastard waited for asking her on a date.

“Since…it’s not your business, Healy.”

“It is if the jackass is trying to steal you from-“

“Steal me from you? Am I an object now? ‘Course I am…what else would I be to you?” the dry laugh burned her from the inside out. 

“Y/n, I didn’t mean it like-“

“Like what then, ha? Please, Matty!” Y/n scoffed, pushing him to the side. 

“Please, don’t go.” the singer tried stopping her while pushing the door close. He was scared of touching her. 

“I can’t believe you’re doing this, here…right now.” she said, with her eyes closed. Maybe it was a nightmare. 

“What do you mean?”

“May I remind you of her? Have you lost your mind?”

Matty has been on every single magazine, portal, news website and so on for the last two months. Stuff she had to go through every single day for the last two months since one of her tasks at work was keeping updated on the public opinion about the band. He perfectly knew that. 

The reason behind it was his relationship with a worldwide known celebrity. A girl that was everything she would never be. They had been cut it short after a heated romance –or that reported the different sites and fan accounts all over the internet.

“She’s not- We’re not…you know.” Matty tried. 

“Yes, I know you chose her. You chose to be with her, after telling me you might want to be… remotely be with me-“

“And you rejected me!”

His world made her open her eyes once more. ���Oh! So I pushed you to be with her?! That’s what you mean? Perfect.”

“No, no. You are twisting my words.” Matty accused her. She couldn’t believe the man. 

“I can’t do this right now, and I don’t want to do it later. I couldn’t care less.” Y/n wasn’t sure if her words were directed to Matty, her, or both. 

“Stay, please. We can fix this.” he begged. 

“Healy, there were never a ‘we’.” Y/n stated, cold. “Good luck with her or whatever.” 

In a quick move, Y/n walked fast, moving far from him. Matty stood in the middle of the hallway, looker her leave him behind…again. 

To be continued...

[abiiors]

im dyingggg to see a matty sickfic from u

Hey hey, thank you for the ask <3 and your wish has been granted ✨

Warnings - being sick? but nothing else apart from that, I don't think.

If you want a swapped version of this, go here!

Mother Hen

‘Open your mouth for me, baby,’ he coaxes

Normally this would have been met with a stupid sex joke but today your entire body feels like it’s been run over by an 18-wheeler. Twice.

‘Come on,’ he nudges your mouth with the cold tip of the thermometer and you finally obey. It feels like an anvil against your skull once it beeps.

‘Hmm, 100.4,’ he frowns, ‘not good.’

‘Absolutely miserable,’ you echo and his frown deepens. 

You haven’t stopped feeling like you’re on the verge of death for twenty-four hours now. Twenty-four hours of miserable headaches, chills and a churning stomach. But somehow, today is worse than yesterday.

‘Hey,’ he taps your cheek lightly to get you to stay awake, ‘how about we try some toast, yeah?’

‘No. No food, please,’ you practically beg. The churning of your stomach has not exactly put you in the mood to eat and he knows it. Unfortunately, he can’t just let you go for more than a day without eating solids. 

‘Some banana, then…please.’ He’s been trying everything for the past twenty minutes. From bribery to flattery to sternness, yet nothing will budge you. ‘I’ll get you some peppermint tea once you eat a bit.’ 

The thought of peppermint tea piques your interest a bit. It had managed to calm your stomach down for an hour or two yesterday so you finally give in and agree to the banana. The fever has well and truly fucked with your tastebuds. The banana tastes like mush and you have to fight to keep each bite down. The tea is fortunately a better experience. 

When he goes to run the pots back to the kitchen, you decide to get some medicine from the bathroom cabinet.

Matty walks back into the bedroom to already find you out of bed. Just as he’s about to protest this decision. you realise that standing up was—most definitely—a mistake. The room spins violently and the banana and the tea threaten to make a reappearance right on your bedroom floor. And you aren’t even sure if you’re going to make it to the bathroom in time. 

‘Matty…’ you whimper and his eyes widen as he understands what’s about to happen. 

He rubs his hands up and down your back as he ushers you to the bathroom. As soon as your knees hit the floor, your body expels everything you’ve consumed in the last twenty-four hours. 

Matty is a constant presence. He gathers your hair in one hand and strokes your back with the other. Mumbles encouraging words and tells you to take deep breaths through each wave of nausea.

When it’s finally over, you slump back against his chest and close your eyes. 

‘Do you feel any better?’ he asks once you’ve caught your breath a little. 

‘A smidge,’ you whisper. It makes you realise that your throat feels incredibly raw from all the bile and stomach acid. 

He brushes aside a few strands of hair that are stuck to your sweaty forehead. ‘Should we clean up then?’ When you nod a yes, he hooks an arm around your waist and helps you stand up. 

When he still doesn’t let go of your waist as you finish brushing your teeth, you meet his eyes in the mirror, ‘you’re fussing.’

‘Let me,’ he says without missing a beat, ‘I’m worried about you.’

You turn around to look at him and place your hands on his chest. ‘It’s only a stomach bug, love. I already feel better than before.’

‘So do you not want the princess treatment?’ he raises an eyebrow. 

‘I didn’t say that!’

‘Well then let me be the mother hen,’ he places a small kiss on your forehead.

The rest of the afternoon he spends playing with your hair and massaging your stomach to ease the cramps. It’s when he starts humming your favourite songs that your eyelids start to feel heavy. You don’t exactly know when you fall asleep but you definitely feel his fingers trace “I love you” on your shoulder. 

[workingforitallthetime]

who do you think is leaving/going pro after this season on the michigan hockey team? hearing the announcers talk about how frank might come back next year because of his injury made me think about the rest of the roster

I'm assuming Adam and Luke are for sure done after this year, but what about Mackie, Dylan, Rutger, Seamus, Gavin, etc.?

They really need to give Naruto the full gig so he can recruit better and this keep can keep being good

good news, anon: chris peters and corey pronman agree that there's "a good chance" adam stays at umich for another year. you can listen to their full convo starting at about 1:12:00 here, but they opined that the major factors influencing this will be what team he's drafted by and how the rest of his season goes.

i am mentally preparing myself for the worst case draft scenario for adam, and am therefore heartened by what i've read about how chicago likes to let their prospects marinate at lower levels longer than some other organizations do. the only bottom feeder i'd be really worried about the 2OA ping pong balls falling for would be columbus, since their prospect system is already stacked so they've got no incentive to hang out being bad for another year, and they've got a yawning void at 1C all ready for adam to step into (one factor that made matty's transition to seattle so successful.)

i also think it's encouraging that adam is getting advice from the same place as matty and owen and luke and quinn, who are all also late birthdays who seem happy to have played a second year of college hockey. also, adam has a track record of making the decisions that make him happy even if they are not a traditional hockey path.

...on the other hand, adam is a better player than matty and owen and luke, and he's having a better freshman season than any of them had. (but on the other other hand, that season is also demonstrating that he's got some maturing to do.) anyway the point is, we have reasons to hope!

otherwise:

luke and erik are gone for sure. i know erik's already communicated that and i think luke has too.

seamus, gavin, and frankie are almost certainly staying. they are all on the smaller side; second-rounders (seamus and, probably, gavin) aren't usually one-and-done anyway; and i assume chicago is going to be patient with frankie.

i would be kind of surprised if eddy or dylan left, since mid- to late-round draft picks usually spend 3-4 years in college. i'd put truss in this category too... even if vancouver's willing to sign him this spring, he seems like the type to go the nick blankenburg path and finish his senior year with the C.

mackie and rutger are the other two who wouldn't surprise me if they left. scouting reports always say that rutger's Big Body (TM) already wouldn't look out of place in an NHL locker room. however, fellow mid-first round power forward matt boldy did two years of college, so i live in hope. mackie's draft status and college performance are probably closer to two-and-done thom and brendan, but i personally headcanon that the two of them left after two years not for hockey reasons but because they refused to do any more homework. going pro might interfere with mackie's napping schedule so maybe he'll stick around a little longer.

to your other point: fuck yes they need to give naur a contract. i got all emotional last night about him jumping up and down with his assistant coaches when they won the game. coaches don't do that! they nod approvingly and walk off the ice! please hire him so he doesn't have to worry that the board of regents is going to kick him off the island if he loses to michigan state!

[applesfallingfromblondehair]

Felt a little down today, so naturally I started re-reading ILYDYM. Selfishly, all the complicated situations matty gets himself into make me feel better about my decision making skills 🫣😅

sigh, this makes me incredibly happy. (not you feeling blue obviously, that sucks, please accept this virtual hug 🫂)

that story took everything out of me for months last year and it was the perfect way to process everything that had happened during ATVB and continue processing the aftermath, so it was definitely very therapeutic for me too. and yeah my god, ILYDYM Matty does keep making bad decisions, doesn't he? 😅 if he is the benchmark we're all doing great, don't even worry about it.

thank you for revisiting the classics, big love from me ❤️❤️

[dancing-in-a-yellow-dress]

Trapped Little Angel (part 1)

Welcome to the first part of the first fanfic on this account.

Child!reader x the Avengers

Word count: 2900

Trigger warning: Imprisonment, nightmares, non graphic descriptions of violence and injuries, possible trigger for eating disorders

--

You were a 14-year-old orphan living alone in New York, since your family had died in the explosion that gave you your powers. Your powers were similar to Wanda’s (telekinesis and all that jazz). You got them when you were 7, but for whatever reason they hadn’t been active before that day.

It was a basic September day with all of its rain and fog and clouds. You were walking on the street when suddenly you blacked out and your powers exploded out of you destroying property and hurting people everywhere around you. The Avengers were called to action and they evacuated the block and when you’d cooled off a little they took you into custody and to the Avengers tower.

You had passed out and they didn`t really know what to do with you, so they laid you down on the couch and began a debate about the subject.

Tony believed firmly that you were dangerous to the team and the best thing for everyone would be to lock you up isolated and unstimulated to avoid new outbursts until a better option would be available. Steve backed Tony up to an extent, although he did believe the isolation to be unnecessary. Bruce didn’t really voice his opinion on confinement that much, instead focusing on the medical aspect of the situation.

Clint doesn’t really say much during the argument, before Tony raises the possibility of indefinite imprisonment in isolation. That is what finally gets to him, since you are just a kid and remind him of his own daughter. Wanda argues firmly against any form of forced imprisonment. In her opinion you needed medical attention, after which instead of locking you up the team should be focused on helping you control and develop your powers in a beneficial way.

Natasha is uncharacteristically quiet for the whole debate. Something about you had got to her and she found it hard to think of the situation objectively without a massive bias. Peter was on ‘your side’ for sure. To him you were a troubled kid who just happened to need some help. In a way he saw himself in you.

You start to regain consciousness about halfway through the argument. The Avengers are taken back at first, but when you are very confused and scared, Nat and Clint (who are the most ‘neutral’ participants) tell you what happened. When you have gotten the big picture you ask shakily: “How many people did I hurt? What’s the damage?” The others are hesitant to tell you, but Tony is highly pissed at you, so he takes his tablet and shows you some pics of the place where the accident happened. Wanda shoots him a death glare, but he continues and reads the statistics to you: “At this exact moment there are 9 people dead, 27 in critical condition and 56 with milder injuries. All because of your little stunt.” At this point you have pulled your knees to your chest and are struggling to breathe. Steve and Clint look at Tony like he has lost his mind and Nat tries to calm you down. You are repeating the same things over and over again: “I didn’t mean to- It’s all my fault… I don’t know how- What- I didn’t mean to…” Nat was approaching you, her hand reached out ready to stroke your back and pull you into a hug. She says: “We know. Everything will be alright, it’ll be alright. It wasn’t your fault, we’ll sort this out. It’s okay, you’re okay. We don’t blame you, but right now you need to calm down.” You flinch away from her, panic shining in your eyes: “No! Don’t touch me! I don’t want to hurt you. I can’t control it… I don’t understand- I didn’t mean to…” Suddenly you look desperately at Tony “You have to lock me up. I’m dangerous. I can’t be trusted. I have to be put away. Please”, you beg, surprising all of the other people in the room. Peter is about to say something, but Tony cuts him off.

You stand up and Clint shows you the way to a quite big cell. You step in and he shuts the door behind you. You sit on the floor in the corner and pull your knees to your chest. You just blankly stare at the wall. You noticed that there was a camera in corner of the room near the roof as you stepped inside, but you didn’t care. What did it matter. As you stayed on the floor the team was reheating the discussion whilst keeping an eye on the monitor that showed footage from your cell.

Wanda and Peter were shouting at Tony for locking you up in an isolation cell. Natasha and Clint were a bit calmer, but they were backing Wanda and Peter up. At some point Tony says: “You heard the kid. She wanted to be locked up. Even she thought it would be the best option”. And that sets Natasha off: “Yeah, after you had scared the poor thing on the verge of a panic attack. That wasn’t fair play. You drove her to that decision and you know it.” Then Peter fires: “Besides the whole ‘she decided herself’ excuse is bullshit. She’s a kid. SHE’S 14. I’m 17 and you don’t trust me to do anything yet, so how again is she any different?” That shuts Tony up.

In the end the team comes to the conclusion, that they will be monitoring you strictly and willing people will be allowed to go talk to you. All except Peter (just for the first few days) who is infuriated to no end by the decision.

The first person to come talk to you is Wanda. She comes and talks for a while, but you can’t make any sense of what she’s saying. After a while she leaves shutting the door behind her. Steve also comes to question you, and even though this time you understand what he is saying you can’t find the energy to answer him in you. Clint brings you something to eat and drink, but you don’t move a muscle to acknowledge the act. Time sort of looses its meaning to you as you sit on the floor and stare into nothing, alone with your thoughts, the same thoughts over and over and over again.

Nevertheless, you know some time has passed when Natasha comes through the door with another tray filled with food. She places it carefully on her untouched bed and sighs deeply before speaking: “You should really start eating on your own. It’s been two whole days and you haven’t taken a bite. I get that its hard, but you’ve got to try. Otherwise we’ll have no choice but to put a feeding tube down your throat and trust me kid, that does not feel good.” She gives you another look, then turns around and walks out. Slowly you straighten your legs on the floor.

You hadn’t really noticed how much your muscles were hurting for being in the same position for so long before someone pointed it out. You stretched your legs first and then stood up slowly. You went through your body, stretching every muscle one at a time and then sat down beside the bed to eat. You weren’t really hungry, but the threat of getting a feeding tube stuffed down your throat was enough to get you eating.

After you were done with the meal you went back to your corner and sat back down, leaving your legs laying on the floor instead of curling up to a tight bundle. After a few minutes there was a knock at the door and Wanda walked in. She picked the tray up and looked down at you, clearly assessing the situation before finally saying: ”Hey, I was wondering if you needed to use the bathroom.” You didn’t answer her but stood up and stepped timidly few steps forward so that she knew you’d be coming along. She guided you through the hallways and into a bathroom. “There is a towel on the counter and shampoo on a shelf in the shower. Take as long as you need. I’ll pick up some clean clothes for you and bring them here. Okay?” You didn’t say a word but nodded and opened the door to the bathroom. After half an hour you were back in your cell but feeling significantly cleaner and comfier.

Instead of sitting back in the corner on the floor you sat on your bed and crossed your legs. You didn’t know why, but you felt like it, so you started singing, first just humming quietly, then adding the words to the song. It was an old lullaby your mom had sang to you more than once. Some things just had a way of sticking with you.

`Hyvin hiljaa, hyvin hiljaa

nyt kuuluu keijujen äänet

Ne tanssivat taas koko yön laulaen

koko yön laulaen.

Hyvin hiljaa, hyvin hiljaa

taas syttyy tähtöset pienet

Ne oottavat taas läpi yön loistaen

läpi yön loistaen.

Hyvin hiljaa, hyvin hiljaa

nyt sammuu keijujen äänet

Ne liitävät taas ylös luo tähtien

ylös luo tähtien`

Then you sang it over again, this time in English

If your quiet, very quiet,

you can hear sound of the fairies

They’re dancing again through the night until day

through the night until day

Very quiet, almost silent

the stars are lighting the sky

they’re waiting again till the night fades away

till the night fades away

If you’re quiet, very quiet

you can hear sound the fairies

they race through the sky so they’ll be near the stars

so they’ll be near the stars

You sang the song a couple times over and finally you got to the last part you had made up on your own. You always ended it there, since you could never continue singing after that.

Hyvin hiljaa, hyvin hiljaa

ei kuulu keijujen äänet

Ne lähtivät taas minut yksin jättäen

minut yksin jättäen

Even if you’re very quiet

you won’t hear sound of the fairies

they flew up the sky leaving me alone behind

leaving me alone behind.

You broke down sobbing. Clint was sitting at the monitor, and he thought it’d be best not to disturb you, so you were left alone as you start humming another melody your mom taught you.

Joka ilta kun lamppu sammuu ja saapuu oikea yö Niin Nukku-Matti nousee ja ovehen hiljaa lyö On sillä uniset tossut ja niillä se sipsuttaa Se hiipii ovesta sisään ja hyppää kaapin taa

”I didn’t know she was finnish” Nastasha said to clint as she sat next to him with two cups of tea. “Finnish?” Clint asked as they listened to the beautiful melody coming from the lonely cell. Nat was quiet for a while before saying “Yeah. The language is absolutely bizarre.” They sat in silence for another while, until Clint said: “She sounds miserable” “Yeah, but who wouldn’t. I’m guessing she has no family, since no one has come asking for her.”

Ja pieni sateenvarjo on aivan kallellaan Ja sinistä unien kirjaa se kantaa kainalossaan Ja unien sinimaahan se lapset autolla vie Surrur, surrur ja sinne on sininen, uninen tie

Ja siellä on kultainen metsä, ja metsässä kultainen puu Ja unien sinilintu ja linnulla kultainen suu Ja se unien sinilintu se lapsia tuudittaa Se laulaa unisen laulun joka mielen uneen saa

Your mum never taught you that song in English. You had tried translating it, but it always turned out so peculiar you had eventually given up.

When you felt like you had cried enough you stopped with the finnish and started going through songs you had heard somewhere else, altering the lyrics as you went.

You hadn’t sung anything in weeks and now you just couldn’t stop. It felt good. You went over your favorites altering lyrics and making up new verses, not wanting the song to end. As you sang you thought about mum and home. In the outside world they were forbidden things, because they made it hard to focus on surviving. But here she had all the time in the world to think. After hours and hours she finally laid down on the mattress and drifted to sleep

Tony had just started his shift watching you through the monitor and you were having a nightmare. You were curled up in a ball and whimpered and muttered quietly, as tears ran down your face. You dug your nails into your back and started scratching leaving bloody red marks behind. Then you started screaming. The sound echoed through the halls, but Tony didn’t know what to do, so he ended up doing nothing, just staring at the screen paralyzed. It went on for a while, until you finally flinched so violently you woke up.

You were in a state of panic, but as you realized where you were it started to wear off. Little by little you started to feel the pain from the bloody scratch marks on your back and arms. You examined your injuries to the best of your abilities and then looked at the floor while talking sheepishly at the camera in the corner of the room: “If you don’t mind I’d like to have something to wrap these cuts with. I might also need some help with the ones in my back. Its not a big deal, but I don’t want them to get infected.”

The screaming had woken up Natasha and Steve who were now standing behind Tony, looking at the screen over his shoulders. Tony cleared his throat before turning around in his chair and facing the other two. They both had their arms crossed on their chest. Steve looked surprised as hell, but Natasha was quick to recover. She threw Tony an icy stare before saying: “Should we think the imprisonment over again, or is she still too dangerous for you to handle?” Tony raised his hands before saying: “Let’s think that over in the morning, when the whole team is up. Now, would you mind going to help her with the injuries?” Natasha threw Tony another dirty look, before grabbing the first aid kit and heading to your cell.

Nat came, and you laid on the bed on your stomach. She lifted your shirt, poured antiseptic solution on a cloth and warned you: “I’m sorry, but this is gonna hurt like a bitch.” She pressed the cloth gently on your back and you shrug. “It’s not that bad. You get used to pain as a homeless kid. Once I had to remove a bullet from my own shoulder.” There Nat saw an opportunity get little bit more information of you and continued the conversation: “Must be tough. I suppose you don’t have any family left?” “Yeah, mum and dad and Tom died… in an accident” you tensed up visibly. Nat continued unbothered but didn’t bring up the deaths again. “I heard you sing the other day. Didn’t know you were finnish.” “Oh, I’m not. My mom was.” “So, can you speak finnish or what?” “Nah, not anymore anyways. I used to, but I haven’t used it in a long time. Some things just stuck with me, like the songs, or silly pet names mum used to call us.” For some reason you felt really safe with Natasha. Her touch reminded you of home as she worked to clean your wounds and then wrap them with clean gauze. You knew it was silly, but it just felt so good to finally talk to someone, so you kept answering her as she continued asking questions. “Pet names, huh. What did she call you?” “She used to call me Lumikki. It’s the finnish for snow white. It’s cheesy as hell, I know but we lived in a little cottage in the woods, and I was obsessed with Disney.” Natasha smiled at you. “Do you remember anything else about your mum.” “She had the most beautiful voice I’ve ever heard. She sounded like an angel. Sometimes I hear her in the wind.” You pause for a minute “And she was a dancer. She used to be a ballerina, but then she had us and her career ended. She never quit dancing though. Once in a while she’d put on her slippers and go through some old routine, like she had never stopped. She even taught me some basics.” Natasha was quiet for a moment. Then she cleared her throat and continued: “Did you have any siblings?” “Yeah”, you were quiet for a moment, not rushing to continue “One brother. His name was Tuomas, but we all called him Tom. Three years older than me. He was my best friend.” A tear fell down your cheek. Natasha was almost done with wrapping your back so she asked one more question. “How about your dad” You shrugged. “He was a hunter. Spent most of his time with Tom out in the forest when I stayed in with mum.” Nat packed the medical supplies back to the first aid kit and pulled your shirt down so that it covered your back. Then she helped you sit up and said: “I can’t promise anything yet, but we’re having another meeting with the team about your… condition and I believe you might get out of here.” She saw the unsure look you gave her. “Don’t worry” she said as she took your hand “Everything will be alright. I promise”

--

Sorry, I have absolutely no idea what is going on with the spacing, tried to fix it but it wont budge... Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter!

[troubatrain]

the times when you told everyone...

two blurbs following want you to want me

read the rest here!

Matthew knew you had to tell them soon.

Your families would figure it out eventually, the fact that you were in Calgary and how very clearly together you were. It wasn’t that Matthew didn’t want anyone to find out, he wanted to shout it from the rooftops that he finally got the girl, but things were just peaceful. There was a sense of comfort Matthew got from reaching over to you in the middle of the night and pulling you closer and the smile on your face when he did proved to him you felt the same way. He was just happy, so happy that he didn’t need the shit from his siblings about how long it took for him to lock it down. He knew what he was doing, what was best for the both of you, and he was content.

Especially when he played a close game against the Oilers where he got home and knew exactly how to celebrate. Only to wake up and walk into his kitchen to see you on the counter sipping coffee in his dress shirt from the night before. Honestly, if Matthew could wake up everyday like that he probably would, “Morning babe.”

You turned, a bright smile on your face like you’d been expecting him. Matthew wasn’t quiet, and while he thought he was tip-toeing into the kitchen, the bricks he had for feet told a different story, “I think I died and went to heaven.”

“Why’s that?” You hum, Matthew’s unexplainably large hands sneaking under his shirt to land on your waist.

“You’re here angel,” Matthew cheeses, the kind of dimpled smile that makes your heart skip a beat. His finger curled around the collar of his shirt, his last name embroidered on the inside, a gift from one of his grandparents, “And I’m so happy you’re staying.”

You didn’t need to say another word, lunging forward and pressing your lips to his. You knew your small bubble of bliss would be broken soon, an upcoming roadie and the time you were going to have to tell people you weren’t in Chicago anymore. You didn’t hear the door open, far too busy thinking about Matthew’s hands that were gripping your thighs and his lips on yours. You heard a cough, the both of you pulling apart from each other like two horny teenagers who got caught.

“Oh I’m sending this to Jamie immediately,” Taryn jokes, snapping a picture of the two of you while you tucked your head in Matthew’s neck. His hand landed on your back, a protective instinct he didn’t even know he had.

“She’s not going to tell you fuck off but I will Taryn,” Matthew barks back, snatching his sister’s phone right out of her hands, “And we were going to tell you…”

“When?” Keith chirps, shaking his head at his own son. His parents were happy, elated that Matthew found someone he’s happy with and the fact that it was you just made it so much sweeter.

“Sometime after I told my family I wasn’t coming back to St. Louis for a while,” You finally pick your head up, catching Matthew’s smile in the corner of your eye from your words,

“Taryn, let me tell them please?”

“Fine, but you have to give us credit when you get married.”

“Deal.”

***

Well my girlfriend’s headed there this summer…

Matthew’s eyes bulged out of his head, tripping over his words because he spilled the beans by accident. He was responding to a question about how he felt about his name getting thrown around for the Olympics, a dream he’d had since he was a kid. The idea was wonderful, but someone who he loved very much was actually going, and he’d never been prouder of you. It wasn’t like he wanted to hide you from the world, because if he had his choice everyone would know about the amazing and talented woman that he was smitten with.

It was your choice, and Matthew couldn’t do anything but just respect that. You just wanted your successes to be your own, never about the two of you and how no matter what you did, his name would always find its way into the conversation. You’d seen it happen, and when you started to point it out to Matthew, it made sense to him too. Brady chuckled next to him, the Sportsnet writer in front of both of them had his head turned like he’d been waiting for an explanation.

“Yeah, Matthew, why you don’t us more about how infinitely better Y/N is than you,” Brady chirps, not catching Matthew’s non verbal plea to just fucking drop it so you didn’t kill him.

“Uh, yeah, my girlfriend made the National team a few months ago now,” Matthew smiles, remembering the moment you told him just seconds before he needed to be in the Flames locker for a game. He walked in beaming, boasting to his teammates that you’d accomplished a dream of yours, “I’m proud of her, she’s a far better athlete than myself, she’s always been like that-”

“Matt used to cry when she beat him in their middle school gym class,” Brady laughs, easily steering the conversation into what a baby Matthew used to be. Matthew was silent for the rest of the interview, a pit in his stomach knowing that if he didn’t tell you before that video landed on Twitter, you’d kill him.

Matthew drove home in silence, mulling over how he’d tell you he spilled the beans but he really didn’t mean to. He was just proud of you and your accomplishments, and he was a bit of a show off when it came to you.

“Where’s Brady?” You ask, wondering if the other half of that duo was. He was in town for an away game, making a second home in your shared apartment because hotels are lame and he lived to bother his older brother.

“He went back to the hotel,” Matthew sighs, rubbing the back of his neck, “I have something to tell you.”

“Okay?” You were confused, the fear in Matthew’s eyes wasn't easing the pit in your stomach. He sat next to you on the couch, keeping his hands to himself instead of throwing his body on top of you like he usually did, “Matty…”

“I spilled the beans,” Matthew admits, closing his eyes and waiting for the blow, “They asked about the Olympics and I just said it because I’m proud of you. I’m so sorry, I should’ve been better about it-”

“I’m not mad,” You say, plucking at one of Matthew’s curls. Matthew shook his head at you, sighing.

“You should be, I should’ve respected your decision better than I did,” Matthew breathes, leaning back onto the couch. You snuggled up to his side, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek, “I can try and ask them to cut it out.”

“It’s fine, maybe I’ll want to tell someone my boyfriend’s the best athlete in the world one day too,” You waive him off, Matthew’s head thrown back with laughter at your words.

Can I post Instagram stories of your goals now?

Only if I get to do the same.

[davidpastrsnack]

back for more - matthew tkachuk

a/n: first of all idk what this title is i just wanted to post this lol. back with more matty but this time with a splash of smut. wasn’t expecting it to be so filthy but here we are. let me know what you think! (it seriously means the world to get feedback)

This wasn’t supposed to happen. 

You grew up in St. Louis, becoming quite close with the Tkachuk family when they moved in next door. You were basically inseparable from Brady and Taryn, but Matthew had been another story. He knew exactly how to piss you off, somehow managing to strike a nerve with every comment he threw your way. It didn’t help that he made you so nervous, he was attractive and he knew it. No matter how much both your parents tried, there was no way you two could peacefully coexist. Safe to say you avoided him at all costs, which wasn’t a lot with how close your families were. When Matthew left for Calgary, you finally got a break, able to enjoy your time at the Tkachuk house without his constant bickering. 

Fast forward four years and you were offered your dream job right out of college. But there was a catch: it was in Calgary. It wasn’t even a decision to be made, this was the opportunity of a lifetime and you knew that the city was big enough to avoid Matthew. Except apparently it wasn't, and now you were stuck in a seemingly endless cycle of winding up in his bed. 

You were lucky enough to know one of the other girls that worked at your company, quickly falling into an easy friendship with her. It was Saturday night and you and Ella decided to go out, both looking your absolute best. You went for all black, throwing on your favorite jeans, v-neck bodysuit, and heeled booties. As soon as you walked into the bar, you were hit with the dense, warm air, your attention drawn straight to one of the tvs showing highlights of the Flames win that night. You scoffed, not even wanting to think about Matthew, and pulled Ella to go get your first round. Soon enough, you found yourself talking to a guy at the bar, the definition of tall, dark, and handsome. But little did you know the young guys of the Flames had just walked in, in the mood to celebrate their win. Matthew felt his breath hitch in his throat the second he saw you. He knew you had moved to the city, his mom begging him to reach out and make you feel welcome, but of course he hadn’t. What he didn’t know is how unbelievably good you looked. He had always harboured a crush for you, something about the sweet girl next door just doing it for him. But you quickly became close with Brady and he didn’t want to intervene if there was something there. So in typical teenage boy fashion he did his best to annoy you at all times. By the time it was clear that you and Brady were just friends, he had already established his dislike for you and felt that it was too late to backtrack. But now here you were. Maybe it was the way your jeans perfectly cupped your ass or the high he was still riding from scoring two goals just hours before, but Matthew headed straight towards you. 

There was no denying that the guy in front of you was hot, but something about his personality was straight up boring you. Just as you began plotting your escape, you felt a tap on your shoulder. You eagerly turned, expecting it to be Ella coming back from the bathroom, but your face dropped when you saw him. “Matthew,” you sighed, a self-satisfied smirk already on his face. 

“Long time no see Y/N, hmm?” he grinned. 

You may have hated him, but you couldn’t say he wasn’t beautiful. He towered over you, messy brown curls falling onto his forehead just above his baby blue eyes. His black t-shirt fit him perfectly, tight on his broad shoulders and around his biceps. His scent was intoxicating, daring you to move closer to his frame. And that’s when you knew you were a goner. 

He somehow charmed you into coming home with him that night, not that you were putting up much of a fight. Nearly two months later, you found yourself under his spell, spending night after night together. 

Tonight was no different. After a long east coast road trip, Matthew was begging you to come over despite the early hour of the morning. And that’s where you found yourself, pressed up against his door weakening beneath his body. His hands were heavy on your waist, moving his mouth from yours to trail hot, wet kisses down your neck. You whimpered as he started to suck your sweet spot between his teeth, feeling him smirk against your soft skin as he wound you up. “Matt- Matthew, please,” you begged, hands gently pulling his curls making him groan. With just a few touches he had you dripping for him, no one compared to the way he worshiped your body. He moved his hands down your body, splaying across your ass then your thighs. He gently tapped them urging you to jump, which you did right away, gasping when you felt how hard he was against you as you wrapped your legs around his hips. 

“What do you want babygirl? You just gotta tell me,” Matthew whispered in your ear, making sure to grind into your core a little extra as he spoke. 

“Fuck,” you whined. “Your t-tongue, your fingers. Please Matty.”

Matthew moved to carry you into his bedroom, continuing his assault on your neck. “Whatever my girl wants she gets.” You tried not to overthink his possessive language, and luckily you were quickly distracted as he dropped you on his bed. You couldn’t help but giggle as you bounced on the soft material, him grinning down at you, eyes full of admiration. It was moments like these that made you question the original agreement of just sex. He could be so sweet, so respectful. But you didn’t let yourself go there, knowing he had no interest in a relationship, especially not with his former childhood enemy.  

Your thoughts were interrupted as Matthew went back to work, lips reattaching to your neck and rough hands slipping underneath your sweatshirt. You arched up into him in desperate need of more friction. He was taking his sweet time marking up your collarbone, but you couldn’t wait any longer, pushing him off your body so you could pull off your top. 

“Someone’s eager,” he chirped with a smirk. 

“Oh shut up,” you snapped back, pushing his head further down your body. 

Matthew chuckled and wrapped his hands around your back, gracefully unclipping your bra and throwing it across the room. His pink lips trailed down, covering your boobs in fresh bruises, the partially healed ones still lingering from previous nights. Once he reached the band of your leggings he wasted no time pulling them off your legs in one swift motion, but he left your panties behind. He wasn’t quite done teasing you. Matthew hooked both your legs over his shoulders, settling in. His dominant hand moved to finally ghost your core, fingers faintly dragging up the black lace. He smiled up at you as he took in the sight in front of him. You were squirming beneath him, already losing control of your body completely. His thumb rubbed your clit in painfully slow circles, your arousal becoming visible through the material. 

“Mattttty,” you whined, begging him to do something, anything. 

He normally hated that nickname, it reeked of desperation from girls he had no plans of calling again. But when it fell from your lips he felt his dick twitch and his heart melt. No matter how many times he told himself differently, you weren’t just another girl and deep down he knew it.   

“Okay, okay princess. I got you,” he cooed, finally pulling your panties off. “Fuck,” he groaned as he saw you glistening before him, “So wet for me baby.”

He delved right in, dragging his tongue up your slit, reveling in hearing your moans as he finally gave you what you needed so desperately. Your hands flew straight to his head, pulling at his curls making him moan into you. Slowly but surely he reached your clit, wrapping his swollen lips around it before detaching his mouth with a pop. 

“Mhm, you taste so fucking good babygirl,” he groaned. 

You didn’t have time to respond before he went back to work, tongue massaging your clit just right. You had learned very quickly that this boy knew exactly what he was doing. With one finger he teased your entrance, feeling you out before sliding it in. 

“Fuck, fuck,” you whimpered, your back arching off the mattress as he curled it against your g-spot perfectly.   

Matthew smirked against you, blue eyes lifting to lock with your gaze. He added another finger and picked up his pace. He knew you were close, and he also knew just how to finish you off. He flattened his tongue against your clit and shook his head back and forth, arm resting heavy on your waist to keep you from moving.

“Ma-Matty I’m gonna cum, fuck, fuck,” you yelled out, not holding back in the least bit. His name continued to fall out of your lips in a chant as you reached your high. 

Matthew milked you through your orgasm, making sure to look up and watch as you fell apart. It was his favorite sight: the way your back arched, face twisted, and legs shaked. He finally slowed his movements, pulling back to watch your cum spill out as he removed his fingers. You sat up on your elbows trying to regain your breath, in awe of the man in front of you and the earth shattering orgasms he never failed to give you. He locked eyes with you, a devilish smirk on his face as he moved to suck his fingers clean. 

“Feel better?” He teased with a self-satisfied grin on his face. 

You rolled your eyes and laughed, dragging him up by his shirt to kiss him, sighing as you tasted yourself on his tongue. He gently bit your bottom lip, making you pull away to urge him to shed his clothes.

--------

Two more orgasms later, you fell back against the mattress, chest rising with each breath as your body started to come down. Matthew laid next to you, his head tucked into the crook of your neck and his arm heavy across your waist. The two of you stayed like this for several minutes, basking in one another’s warmth. Neither of you would ever admit it, but this was your favorite moment of the night. That short bit of time when it was acceptable for fuck buddies to hold each other right after sex. But eventually you found yourself fighting everything within you and escaping from his grasp, moving to the bathroom to go clean up. Like usual, Matthew loosened his grip on you and watched you walk away, the door closing behind you. 

Normally he would push his feelings to the side and let you leave, but he didn’t know if he could handle pretending tonight. Before he could talk himself out of it, he got out of bed, throwing on a fresh pair of boxers and grabbing a t-shirt. He sat on the edge of the bed waiting for you to emerge, heart beating out of his chest. 

When you opened the door, you were expecting to see Matthew already half asleep, mumbling a goodbye to you. Early on in your arrangement, he insisted you stayed over in the guestroom, not wanting you to go home alone so late, but you refused. The best he got out of you was a text when you got home safe. You just couldn’t allow yourself to wake up in his apartment, that would be a cruel joke to your true feelings. But tonight, he was waiting up for you, a t-shirt in his hand. 

You gave him a confused look, suddenly feeling very exposed in front of him. 

Matthew moved his hands out to you, urging you to grab the shirt.

“What are you doing?” you questioned. There was no way this was what you hoped it was, he wouldn’t.

“Put it on,” he said, as if it was the most obvious thing ever. 

“Wha-,”

“I can’t do this anymore, okay? I can’t watch you leave every night and then fall asleep alone wishing I was holding you. So put the shirt on and get back in bed.”

It was almost like you didn’t believe him. You gave him another quizzical look, to which he responded by gesturing it towards you again. You finally reached out and grabbed the shirt, slowly pulling it over your head. It was big, and you couldn’t deny that your heart fluttered as the soft fabric fell over your frame. You hesitantly moved towards the bed, climbing back under the sheets. Matthew slid in behind you, immediately reaching and grabbing your waist, pulling you flush against him. 

You stayed silent for a minute, but your mind wouldn’t shut off. You couldn’t just pretend that this was normal. 

“You know we have to talk about this, right? You’re not that dumb,” you mumbled at the end. 

He scoffed, but it quickly turned into a chuckle as you turned in his arms and he saw your face, laced with confusion. 

“What is there to talk about?” he smirked. 

“Matty,” you warned, not blind to how his cheeks pinkened at the name.  

Matthew sighed, “Look, Y/N, I don’t think you hate me as much as you pretend to. And I’m telling you that I never hated you like it seemed for all those years. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure we’ve been exclusively hooking up for a while now and fuck, I want more,” he declared. 

You of course agreed with him, but you decided to have a little fun. 

“How do you know you’re not just one of many on my roster, hmm?” you teased, but he saw right through you. 

“You’re here almost every night I’m not away. I would honestly be impressed if you were doing that,” he laughed as he looked down at you, moving his hand to play with your hair. 

You didn’t even have words, just cupping his cheek and pressing a slow kiss to his lips. When you pulled back, he was staring at you with the softest eyes, and after so long you finally let yourself stare back. 

“Okay but I’m not telling our parents. That’s on you,” you spoke. 

“Umm, about that, I already told my mom-”

“You told your mom that we’re fucking! What is wrong with you Matthew?” you exclaimed, playfully hitting his bare chest as he burst into laughter. 

“No! I just told her we started hanging out a little bit. That’s all baby.”

“Oh thank god,” you sighed, relieved that the woman you basically considered a second mother didn’t know that your relationship with her son started as a Saturday night bar hook up. 

After another fit of giggles, the physical and emotional exhaustion of the night finally struck. You turned into Matthew’s body and nuzzled into his chest, his arms holding you close. His lips grazed your forehead, whispering goodnight. But just when you felt your eyes slipping shut, you heard that voice one more time. 

“I should probably tell you though, Brady knows about the fucking.”

“Mathewwwww,” you groaned into his skin, feeling your body shake as his vibrated with laughter. 

Even though you had a lot of explaining to do back home, you were so happy to have the pest by your side through it all. 

[refinedbuffoonery]

I saw the new Top Gun today because my dad wanted to go for Father’s Day! I like it a lot more than the original, because Maverick in the original is just sleazy. But your post about an AU (the nerd in me wants to crack a joke that the idea is “golden” because Au is the periodic table symbol for gold) got me thinking!

I’d vote for it to be the second movie. Mac is Rooster, Jack is Maverick. Riley is Phoenix (whose character I adored, by the way), Boze is most certainly Bob. Here’s where it gets more complicated. For Ice Man, I’m thinking it could be Patty, Desi, or the lady from Season 1 who’s name I’m forgetting. Sarah? Goose was probably Pena, that would definitely fit into the plot nicely given Mac’s relationship with him in canon and reaction to his death. The hostility between Maverick and Rooster is kinda like the early Sandbox days, though it’s more on Rooster’s end, so that differs, cause Jack was more of the instigator in the show. The admiral who’s always pissed off at Maverick is one hundred percent Matty! I’d love to fit Sam Cage in there somewhere, too!

But I wanna hear more about your idea of Desi as Maverick! How would that work? Please don’t tell me Jack is Goose in that scenario…I would cry.

proposed edit to your idea: James MacGyver as Goose, Cage as Phoenix

OKAY NOW FOR DESI AS MAVERICK: (this got long...whoops)

(backstory)

young hotshot pilot develops massive ego after years of out-performing her (annoying, dismissive, frequently-sexist) male peers

however her backseat guy is a good dude, and they fall in love

they get sent to TOPGUN

due to a training accident, they're forced to eject and the now-fiancé is killed

desi gets court-martialed. final verdict is that it was an accident and not her fault. but that doesn't stop her from spending every waking minute blaming herself

(flash forward to the start of the second movie, where the fic would begin)

promotion-dodging test pilot with no close family has gotten in trouble more times than anyone can count, but she's too damn good for the Navy to get rid of her

so she gets sent to TOPGUN to be an instructor (they'd sent her once before, when she was still young and brash, and it didn't go well) (now, her career depends on it going better)

her task is to train this set of pilots for an assignment that is clearly a suicide mission

she thinks about her fiancé, who died for this. she thinks about how it felt to explain to his family what happened—her role in his death

she thinks about how she's spent the rest of her career/life since then single and minimally attached to people. there is nothing she loves more than taking risks and pushing limits, but after her fiancé's death she refuses to let her choices endanger anyone else

that experience and personal oath drive every decision she makes as an instructor

she tries her best not to get attached to the students, hoping her coldness will make their future deaths hurt less

but her primary focus is always to ensure her students have the skills to survive

"get in, get the job done, and come home"

when her students make mistakes resulting in theoretical deaths, she snaps, "Don't explain it to me. Tell their family." (their = person(s) who theoretically died)

at this point, the fic would diverge from the movie a bit

instead of desi having a personal connection to one of the pilots (i.e. rooster), they're all strangers who she comes to care about and see as her team. in order for them to live, she has to be all-in on this team thing just as much as the rest of them. no team = no way any of them are surviving this thing

she does, however, bicker with one of the students more than the rest

that student ends up being the one she sacrifices herself to save

and that student defies orders to save her in return

during their slog through the snowy forest, the student asks her why she is the way she is, and desi tells the story of what happened to her fiancé. by the end of this conversation, they've bonded and see each other in a new light

against all odds, desi and the student make it back to the carrier alive and only slightly harmed

the students are scattered across the country after the mission, but desi keeps in touch with every single one of them

in the end, she is asked to stay on as a TOPGUN instructor for a longer term, provided she agrees to behave. to which desi replies, like the snarky asshole she is, "where's the fun in that?"

[comphersjost]

All for You | 4 ➸  Brady Tkachuk and Matthew Tkachuk

thank you all so fucking much for all of your kind words and support and love. i though about making an epilogue type of part to tie up loose ends, if that’s what you guys want. let me know?

A week after Matthew walked out on you at the arena, his teammates show up at your door, dragging their wreck of a teammate to the only one he wants - but refuses - to see: you. 

word count: 3.5k+

warnings: alcohol, using alcohol to cope, mentions of sex, quite a bit of angst

part one

part two

part three

part four

part five

masterlist

The moment the vibrating starts on your bedside table you know that something’s wrong. The Caller ID reads Noah Hanifin. You should have deleted his number really. Especially after the trainwreck of a game last week. But you couldn't bring yourself to do it, needing some sort of lifeline to Matt. 

You watch as your phone stops ringing, revealing the notification for 4 missed calls from Noah and the time: 2:04 am. The screen lights up with a photo of him again, and this time you pick up. 

“Hello?” you answer groggily, sitting up to turn on the lamp as you rub the sleep out of your eyes. 

“Open the door.”

“What?” Your head feels heavy from being woken up in the dead of night. “Noah what are you-” 

“Is that Y/N?” you hear through the chaos in the background, and your sleep addled brain faintly registering that the words came from Elias. 

“Y/N!” you hear another voice exclaim, and suddenly you're wide awake. “Hi, Y/N, Hanny, dude, tell her she's the most beautiful girl in the world - Hanny listen to me - and her Instagram post was so cute - hey, Hanny!” 

You hear more shuffling over the line, and a sharp “Shut up Chucky!” from Noah. Suddenly there’s silence, and Noah’s voice comes out clearer than before. 

“Hey,” he says, “We’re bringing Matty up in the elevator, please open the door.” 

“Why?” you ask, “He made himself pretty damn clear at the game that he didn't want to see me so -” 

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Noah interrupts, voice seeping with frustration. “He won't let us take him anywhere but here, okay? He saw you post that photo today and got all sad and mopey when he left practice and then Lindy and I found him like this. He’s been drinking since like 6 o’clock and we barely managed to cut him off like an hour ago and he's a fucking wreck so, please, Y/N, just open the door.” 

Maybe that lifeline was a good idea after all.

Cursing under your breath, you reluctantly get out of bed, turning on the lights as you make your way through your apartment. Just as you're swinging the door open, Matt is stumbling out of the elevator, each of his arms thrown around Noah and Elias. 

Matt’s eyes light up when he sees you, attempting to escape the grasp of his teammates to rush towards you. “Woah!” Noah says, grasping Matthew’s arm so he doesn't go anywhere. “Dude, relax, you can barely walk.” 

You see Matt pout as they get closer, and for some reason the sight makes you tear up. There's something about the way he looks right now, helpless and wide-eyed, being carried by his teammates like a child, that makes your heart ache. When they finally reach your door you try to hide your grimace at the smell of liquor on his breath. 

“Hi pretty girl,” Matt slurs with a grin, his head lolling to the side. “Did we wake you up?” 

“Yeah,” you say softly, stepping aside to let Noah and Elias practically drag him inside. “That's okay though.” 

Matt mumbles something unintelligible as his teammates deposit him on the couch. Noah turns to you when he’s sure Matt won't fall over. 

“I'm sorry-” he starts but you put your hand up to stop him. 

“It’s okay, Noah,” you reassure him, eyes flickering to the curly-haired boy on your couch. “Is he…?” 

“No,” Elias pipes up from beside Matt. “He's the furthest thing from okay, Y/N.” You flinch at his harsh tone, even though you knew he was right. This was your fault. Elias’s expression softens when Noah shoots him a reprimanding glare. “I'm sorry,” he steps towards you, “I didn't mean to-” 

“You're right,” you say abruptly, gaze focusing on Matt’s face. His eyes are closed but he's not sleeping, that lopsided grin still on his face. “You're right, Elias. Thank you for bringing him here.” 

Noah opens his mouth to say something but is interrupted by a complaint from the couch. 

“Why are you guys still here?” Matt whines, “I wanna hang out with my girl.” Noah and Elias both glance at you sideways at the last words, but you just sigh. 

“You guys can go,” you say softly, “I can take care of him, I got this.” 

The two men hesitate for a moment, glancing at each other and seemingly having a silent conversation. They seem to come to an agreement as Elias claps Matty on the back and stands from the couch. You follow the two of them to the door, leaning on it as the two turn to you. 

“Guys,” you say, stopping them as they turned to leave. You pause, unsure if you should even ask but- “What did Brady say on the ice?” 

Elias inhales sharply, looking at Noah as he attempts to mask the reluctance in his eyes. 

“Please,” you whisper. 

Noah looks at Elias for a split second before he sighs and his shoulders slump. “He said-” Elias cuts him off before he can finish. 

“He said that if Chucky wasn't such a wimp that was afraid of his feelings he could’ve been the one to get the girl.” 

You stop breathing. 

“That little shit,” you seethe, curling and uncurling your hands before you punch something. “He's such a fucking instigator I'm going to kill him.” 

“Why?” Noah asks, tilting his head in confusion. “I mean, Matty came at him for it but, he’s right isn't he?” 

“What?” your head snaps towards Noah, eyes wide in shock. “What are you talking about? Brady and I tested the waters and figured we’d be better as friends. He started a fight because he could.” 

“No way,” Elias says, “Chucky said-” 

“He would have known if he just listened to me!” Noah steps back at your exclamation, glancing to each side down the empty hallway. Your voice drops to a hoarse whisper, “He would have known if he stayed in the fucking trainer’s room and let me explain!” 

“You fucked his brother,” Noah reminds you. 

“I was in love with Brady, Noah!” you snapped, “That was the point of this whole thing - of everything! And then he told me he loved me out of nowhere!” 

Noah scoffs, though he doesn't miss your use of past tense. “It wasn't out of nowhere, Y/N, and you know it. He brought you to games. He brought you to team events. He bailed on us at least once or twice a week to hang out with you. Have you ever even seen him flirt with a girl since you've moved to Calgary?” 

“I didn't know what to do! I’m sorry!” 

“You don't have to apologize to us,” Elias reminds you, motioning behind you. “He needs you, he's been needing you and I don't - he can't keep doing this to himself. If he's not at practice or a game he's drunk off his ass and even then he can't stop fucking talking about you. God, Y/N, do something and fix this.” 

You nod, wrapping your arms around yourself. “I'll try,” you whisper. “Thank you for bringing him here.” 

The two bid you goodbye, leaving you alone with Matthew for the first time in months. 

“Hi Matty,” you say gently as you find your back to the living room. You brush your fingertips against his forehead, pushing his hair back. His eyes flutter open, adoration and sadness practically shining through his gaze. 

He reaches for you, making grabby hands until you sit beside him, maneuvering the two of you so that his head was in your lap. He hums contentedly as you run your fingers through his hair, scratching at his scalp lightly. 

“I saw your Instagram post,” he says quietly. “With you and the ice cream? I love that place, it reminded me of when I took you when you first moved to Calgary.” You can't help the smile that tugs at your lips as he rambles. “I cried when I saw it. I cry a lot lately.” Your chest aches. “I thought it would be easier by now. I thought it wouldn't hurt as much but -” he cuts himself off. Neither of you speak for a few minutes, sitting in silence as the thoughts whirl around your head. 

“Y/N/N?” The use of your nickname has you humming questioningly. He hadn't called you that in nearly a year. Whatever it is you thought he might say, nothing could have prepared you for the next words out of his mouth. 

“Why don't you love me?” He doesn't sound sad, but his tone tells you he's given up, and you can feel your heart shatter. You stay silent, unsure of whether or not he even wants you to answer. You know it was the right decision when he keeps talking. “Like, why him? Why not me? I love you, did you know that? You know that. I told you, right? You're so pretty Y/N/N, did you know? And you're funny. So funny. And my friends like you, my friends never liked girls I brought around before you moved to Calgary. I didn't like them either - isn't that weird? I don't know why I even bothered. It was always you. Even when we were kids.” 

You freeze your movements at that, holding your breath and waiting to see what he says next. 

“I mean, I didn't like, know that, yet,” he continues, words slurring slightly. “I always just thought that like, if you asked, I guess, I don't know. But it's always been you. But you kept picking him and I just wanna know why I wasn't enough for you, you know? Elias keeps telling me I’m being dumb and shouldn't be mean to myself or whatever but like, you're it for me, and I just want you to love me like you love him.”

“Matty…” you start, but you're interrupted by a squeaky hic from Matt. You stare at each other for a moment, before the two of you burst into giggles. 

“I have the hiccups,” Matty snickers, one hand coming up to grab yours. He intertwines your fingers together, squeezing as your laughter dies down. “God, I love you. You probably don't wanna hear that huh? Well, I missed you. So much.” 

“I missed you too Matty,” you lean down to whisper the words against his forehead, kissing the spot gently. “I wish you would've let me explain.” 

“Why?” He asks, scrunching his nose. “You love him don't you? I promised to help you and I-” his tone falters for the first time since he got to your place, and he pulls his hand away from yours. “I did what I promised and I thought - I thought maybe when you saw that I loved you like you wanted him to that maybe you'd realize. I thought maybe if I didn't tell you about Autumn you'd finally see that it was me that loved you this whole time. But then you just, you left when you found out and I - I’m sorry, Y/N. I should have never kept it from you. But it's always been him for you right?” 

“Not always,” you say quietly. “Not since last year.” 

Matt pulls away from you, staggering for a moment from dizziness as he stands up too quickly. 

“You can't say that!” he cries desperately, tugging at his hair. “You can't say that to me when you're - when Brady - you and him -” 

“Me and him, what, Matty?” you stand up as you ask, taking a step towards him and grabbing his collar to make him look at you. “Me and Brady, Matt, we’re not - I didn't mean for this to happen.”

“I know,” Matt murmurs, eyes flashing to your lips before he squeezes them shut. “I didn't mean for it to happen either.” 

“He's still my best friend.” Matthew’s eyes fly open at the statement. 

“Wha-what do you mean?” His voice is shaky and uncertain, but there's an unmistakable hint of hope. “Last week - at - at the game?” 

You open your mouth to reply, finally say what you've been meaning to for so long and - Matt sways where he stands, his hand flying to cover his mouth as he turns on his heel and runs. You follow him quickly into the bathroom as he falls to his knees in front of the toilet just in time to retch out the contents of his stomach. 

You rub his back gently, murmuring sweet things in his ear when his stomach has finally stopped heaving. He coughs a few times before slumping over to the side, head lolling back weakly. You clean him up as much as you can and flush, attempting to help him up. You struggle slightly as his 6’2 frame slumps against you. 

“Matty, you gotta help me out here,” you nudge him gently, “I can't carry you, bubs, c’mon, stand up okay?” 

He mumbles something about how tired he is, but still stands up as straight as he can. With Matt’s arm around your shoulders, you manage to get him to your bed, letting him slip out of your grasp as he collapses on your bed. You turn to leave the room but a soft groan from your bed stops you. 

“Please don't go,” Matt whines softly, grabbing your hand, eyes shut as he lies still over the sheets. “Please.” 

“I won't,” you brush his hair away from his forehead affectionately. “I just have to go turn off the lights and get you some water okay?” He hums in acknowledgement and reluctantly drops your hand. You turn off all the lights in your apartment as quickly as you can, grabbing a water bottle from the kitchen and a bottle of ibuprofen before going back to your room. 

“See?” you said as you placed the water and pills down on the bedside table. “Not even two minutes.” Matty grumbles “Still too long” under his breath and you snort in amusement. You pull his arm so that he's sitting up on the bed, kneeling in front of him. His eyes flutter open, blurry for a moment before focusing on you. A dopey smile spreads on his face as he watches you take off his shoes and socks. 

“C’mon, arms up,” you instruct, rolling your eyes when he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively at you. “Matt, you have to go to bed, arms up.” He sighs and relents, letting you change him out of his clothes without any more suggestive looks. You manage to get him into a pair of sweats and t-shirt he’d left months ago. 

“Is this mine?” he asks tiredly, smiling softly when you nod. “Thanks for keeping it.” 

“I don't steal your clothes just for the fun of it you know, I actually wear them?” you tease, pushing his shoulder lightly. He lets himself fall backwards when you do that, sighing as he pulls the sheets over him. 

“You'll stay, right?” he whispers into the dark room after a moment. “Even if you kick me out in the morning, and Brady beats me up again, right now just, please don't leave me again.” 

“I’m right here, Matty,” you reassure him, scratching lightly at his scalp. “I promise I'm not going anywhere.” 

“Y/N/N?” 

“Matt, what part of you need to go to sleep don't you understand?” 

“I know lemme just -” he rolls over to his side to face you, resting his cheek against the palm of his hand. He stares at you for a few moments, blinking slowly to try and fight the exhaustion. “I'm sorry for fucking everything up.” Before you get a chance to respond, Matt is out cold. 

-

When your eyes flutter open a few hours later, Matt is still dead asleep. It's times like these you're thankful for your body being used to waking up semi-early. You figured while Matt sleeps his hangover away you could make him breakfast, and maybe actually have a long overdue talk. 

You're flipping the last piece of french toast when you feel eyes on you. You turn to see Matt standing awkwardly in the entrance to the kitchen. He seems hesitant, closed off, and you notice he’s wearing his clothes from the night before. 

“Hey, good morning,” you smile gently at him, “I was just making some -” 

“I should go.” The words are abrupt, and they feel more like a knife to the gut than a slap to the face. “I'm sorry about last night, it won't happen again.” 

With that he's turning towards the door but really - you've had enough. 

“Sit. The fuck. Down.” 

He spins around quickly, eyebrows furrowed into a deep frown. “I really shouldn't be he-” 

“No!” you shout angrily, ignoring Matt’s taken-aback expression. You transfer the last piece of french toast to the place and turn off the stove, taking a deep breath. “Do you remember anything about last night?” you ask quietly. 

“Not much, bits and pieces.” 

“Well you're not walking away from me again,” you hiss, pointing at the dining room table. It’s already set, the only thing missing being the plates of french toast and eggs in your hands. “Sit.” 

Surprisingly, Matt does, watching you carefully as you set the plates down and sit. 

“Why didn't you tell me about Autumn?” you ask slowly, watching as he tenses, sitting up straight. “Tell me the truth.” 

He's silent for a moment, opening and closing his mouth as he tries to get the words out. “I was sick of seeing him hurt you,” he finally admits. “I watched him hurt you for so long, Y/N, I held you while you cried and I - I never want to be the one to make you feel like that.” 

“It hurt more when Brady said you knew.” Matt grips the edge of the table so hard his knuckles turn white. “And then you said that you loved me and - we’d spent so long trying to get me to tell Brady how I felt that I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what else to do except walk away.” 

“I know,” he says quietly. “I'm sorry.” 

“I know,” you repeat. 

Matthew clears his throat, eyes focusing in his lap as he says his next words. “Living without you is the worst thing I’ve ever had to do in my entire life. And I know it’s my fault. It’s all my fault. And I’m sorry.” A tear slips down his cheek and you hesitate for a moment, before reaching out and brushing it away with your thumb. You tilt his head towards you, taking in the defeated expression on his face. He keeps talking. “I should have - I shouldn't have told him for you, I shouldn't have told you that I loved you and I - god, Y/N, I’m so fucking sorry for everything.” 

“You didn't let me explain last week either,” you remind him.

“I know,” he says, “He just - he said -”

“I know what he said,” you cut him off, “Matt, when you saw me and Brady in December-” 

“I really don't wanna hear about you and Brady’s-” 

“Shut up, Matt!” You know you're probably being too harsh on him, but you're so incredibly tired of feeling like there's something - someone - missing, and you need his stubborn ass to just listen to you. “Brady and I are not together.” Matt’s mouth drops open, before he frowns. You know what he's going to say and you speak before he can. 

“I didn't just fuck him just because Matt, we were - we were testing the waters, okay?” You pause for a moment to try and discern his reaction. When he says nothing, you take a deep breath and say what you've been meaning to for too long. “It didn't work, Matt. Brady is my best friend but, he's not it for me.” 

Matt’s eyes are wide, cheeks reddening with every passing second. He grabs a piece of toast and shoves half the thing in his mouth. He chews for a moment, swallows, and then clears his throat. 

“He's...not it for you?” You shake your head. 

“And…?” 

You laugh, reaching for his hand. “And you are, Matty. It just, it took me a little longer than it should have to figure it out.” 

Matt seems frozen in place, unsure of what his next move should be. Instead of speaking he wolfs down the rest of the toast. 

“So you mean to tell me,” he stands, pacing in front of you, “that Brady was fucking with me?” 

“Of course he was fucking with you,” you said exasperatedly. “It’s Brady. He's a dumbass though so he fucked with you over something that was causing you real pain. I - I was causing you real pain. And myself. And I’m sorry.” 

Matt freezes, turning on his heel to face you. 

“Say it,” he says, reaching a hand out to you.

A grin spreads across your face as you take it, letting him pull you up until you were standing chest to chest with him. He looks down at you with bright, hopefully blue eyes. He's already leaning down to meet your mouth with his when you say it. 

“I love you too, Matty.”

fin (sort of)

[madddddy]

From The Ground Up:

Buck POV:

I don't know what to do. I already apologized to the 118, especially Cap, but they still treat me like shit. It's been 8 months since the lawsuit and I haven't gone out on a call once. I know if I told Maddie or my parents, they would tell me to "go home". I'm starting to think that may be the best thing for me. At least my family knows I'm not on blood thinners anymore. Sitting at home, nursing a beer, I made my decision. I'm going home.

The next day I call up the fire chief and ask if I can get an appointment for that day. They are thankfully able to get me in at 1. I glance at the clock seeing that it's 10am. I text Maddie to have her come over. She lets herself in with her key and I get up to hug her.

"Hey Mads"

"Hey Evan. So why did you want to talk to me?"

"I think I'm going to go home. Its been 8 months and I haven't been out on a call once. I have an appointment with the chief at 1 today. I don't want this to affect your relationship with Chim. He has actually been one of the only ones who has talked to me. Him and Hen have been friends, but Cap and Eddie. They just glare or say things to my face that I just can't take anymore. I'm gonna surprise dad, but I'll call Kelly, Matt, and Boden to let them know. I'll miss you but you know where I'll be."

I look at Maddie to see her with tears in her eyes but she looks understanding. She nods and says,

"I understand Evan. You need a "new" start. I will miss you but I'm glad Chim and Hen have been there for you. I'll help you pack once you get back from the chief since I have today off. I can call Hen and Chim to see if they'll help too, but they probably will anyway."

I nod and get up. She stands up and we hug for what seems like hours, but its only 5 minutes. When we separate, she takes my hand into hers and drags me towards the door.

"Mads what are you doing?" I ask amused.

"We are going out to get breakfast at our favorite diner, then we are picking up Chim and Hen, then coming back here so you can type up your resignation and us three can start packing as you go talk to the chief. After your meeting, you will call Kelly, Matt, and Boden like you said"

I just nod and get my shoes on. We get out to the car and decide on driving my Jeep. Maggie's diner is about 10 minutes away from my loft, so it doesn't take long to get there. The hostess sees us and smiles since we are regulars here and she shows us to "our table". Patti, our favorite waitress comes to our table and smiles when she sees us.

"Well look what the cat dragged in! The Buckley siblings! Y'all want your regular?"

We both nod and Patti winks at us and walks away. Maddie looks at me pointedly so I take that as a point to start thinking of what I should say in my resignation. As if reading my mind, she pulls out a pad of paper and pencil. I start writing and once I do I just keep writing and I don't even realize our food is here until it gets set in front of me. We eat, pay and then head out. Maddie calls Chim and Hen and they agree to head over to the loft, even if they are a bit confused.

"Hey buckaroo!" Hen greets when I open the door for her and Chim. I hug them both and let them in. They already know most about what is going on at the firehouse, so they aren't super surprised when I say I am leaving. I tell them I'm planning on going home to Chicago, as soon as possible. Maddie looks at the time and tells me to get going so I'm not late to the meeting, and that them three will get packing. I thank them and head out.

45 minutes later I'm walking into the fire chief's office.

"Firefighter Buckley" Chief Torres greets and I shake his hand.

"Thank you for seeing me today Chief Torres. I am here because I would like to transfer stations. Specifically to firehouse 51 in Chicago. As for why, things at the 118 have not been good. Captain Nash and Firefighter Diaz have been holding personal vendettas against me because of my lawsuit from 8 months ago. Firefighters Han and Wilson have been the only ones from the firehouse treating me like a human. They don't participate in the jibes towards me and they still talk to me. They don't deserve to be punished, but Nash and Diaz should be. They shouldn't be fired, but maybe suspended. But I will leave that up to you. I came from Chicago and I started at the 51. I made a family there and I would love to return to it."

The chief sits there for a few before nodding and pulling out transfer papers. He signs them and then stands up.

"I hate to lose a good firefighter, but I feel after what you said, I will be looking into Nash and Diaz. Have a good life in Chicago Buckley."

I stand up and shake his hand. I take the papers and walk out to my Jeep. I call Maddie to let her know I'm on my way back. When I get back to my place, I'm surprised at how much they had gotten packed up, but then again, I didn't have much. We call a moving company and book them for the next day. Next I call the men that have become my older brothers in all but blood, Matt Casey and Kelly Severide.

*Ring ring ring*

Matt: "Hey Ev! What's up?"

Buck: "Hey Matty, can you grab Kel and see if Boden is free? If he isn't just go somewhere private. I need to talk to you all."

Matt: "Sure. Is everything alright?"

Buck: "Yeah nothing bad. Just got something to talk to you about."

Matt: "Okay Ev, I have all of us in Boden's office with the door shut."

Buck: "Okay. So I just want to say this all at once so please don't interrupt me and ask questions at the end. Things here have not been good since the lawsuit. Chim and Hen have been good but Diaz and Nash have been cold and distancing me. I am hoping that I can be transfered back home. I have the papers ready, just need a spot. And before you ask, yes Maddie is okay with it. And no I haven't talked to dad, I wanna surprise both my parents. So what do you say Boden, you want another Herrmann on your team?"

Boden: "Okay Buck, I think we can make room here at 51 for you. I told you when you left there would always be a spot for you and I meant it. I would love for you to come back here. What do you think boys?"

Kelly: "Well Cub, I wish you came to us about the 2, I understand why you didn't. I want you to come home too and Matt here is agreeing with me. You want us to pick you up from the airport when you land?"

Buck: "That would be great. Can I stay with you guys? Until I find a place? That or I'll stay with my parents. I should be out there tomorrow late afternoon. I'll text you to let you know for sure"

Matt: "Sounds good Buck. Can't wait to see you. And don't worry, we won't tell your dad."

Buck: "Okay I'll see you guys tomorrow. Love you!"

All three: "Love you!"

*Click*

I want back into the living room where the three are sitting.

"Hey Mads, Chim, Hen. Boden told me I have a spot there and Matty and Kel said they'll pick me up from the airport. You said you booked one right?"

She nods, "yeah I did Evan. I'm glad Matt and Kelly will pick you up. I like that you are surprising mom and dad. Are you gonna stay there or with the boys?"

"I'm not sure yet. The boys said I can stay with them but if mom and dad want me to stay with them, I will"

"Not to interrupt this, but who are Boden, Kelly, and Matt?" Hen asks.

"Oh right! I forgot you guys don't know our friends and family from Chicago! So I was adopted after Evan wasn't able to save our older brother with a bone marrow transplant. He got adopted by Christopher and Cindy Herrmann in Chicago. He grew up there, became a firefighter like our dad and his godfather Mouch. He moved here and worked at the 118, as you know. When I moved here and started dating you Chim, I was able to reconnect with him, since I recognized his birthmark. We talked and cried. I told him how I was disowned by our birth parents because I am bi and he introduced me to our parents. They immediately unofficially adopted me into their family and so I call them mom and dad. Kelly and Matt are other firefighters at 51 and they all went to the academy together and became like brothers. Kelly and Matt are married." Maddie explained. I'm nodding along.

"Yep. Mom and dad treat Maddie like their own and I want to go home to Chicago because personally, it's toxic here for me. You guys are great and I love you but Eddie and Bobby are the worst right now. I know you stand up for me and I appreciate it a lot but I just need my original family. I'll keep in touch of course and I'll miss you but you are always willing to visit me in Chicago." I added on.

Chim and Hen nodded and got up to give me a hug.

The next hours fly by and the next thing I know, I'm landing in O'Hare airport. I see the men who are like my older brothers and run to give them each a hug.

"Hey Ev! How have you been?"

"I've been better but I'm do happy to be here." It's slightly muffled because I'm in the middle of hugging them. I pull back the they see my tears on my face and each wipe them off my face. I smile at them softly and they smile back.

"Hey Cub." Kelly says softly.

"Hi" I reply just as softly.

"Let's get out of here eh?" Matt asks.

I just nod and they each flank one of my sides whole carrying my duffle. The rest of my stuff is in the moving truck. We walk out to Matt's truck. I climb in and we take off to the 51. We stay in comfortable silence with me just watching the city go by. We get there 20 of so minutes later but it seems shorter than that. We get out and the go to each of my sides again. They have always been taller than me and I say I hate it but I secretly love it. I see my dad talking to my uncle Mouch in the break room. Sylvie Brett is the first one to see me and she gasps loudly making everyone turn toward me.

"SURPRISE!" I shout shocking them out of their frozen states.

Next thing I know I am tackled by my dad and godfather. Boden is secretly recording this for everyone.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" My dad and godfather ask at the same time.

"Well it's a long story which I will tell over drinks at Molly's tonight, but pretty much, things got crappy at 118, and I wanted to come home. Don't worry dad, Mads was the one to talk me into it. And only Diaz and Nash were the ones who were bad. Hen and Chim have been good." He just nods and they both step back so everyone else can hug me. The girls are next, Shay, Stella, and Sylvie come running up next hugging me super tight, but I'm hugging back just as tight. I hug everyone else except for 2 people I don't recognize. I turn to my dad questionably.

"Ah right. Evan, these are Darren Ritter and Blake Gallo. They are new to the house." I shake their hands and for some reason I get butterflies shaking Gallo's hand. I think the girls sensed something because they gave me knowing looks. I gave them 'the look' back.

"Hi, I'm Evan Buckley-Herrmann. I used to go by Buck but I think I'm gonna start going by Evan again." I smile at them. They smile back and shake my hand.

"Hi Evan, I'm Darren Ritter. I've been here for about a year."

"Hi, I'm Blake Gallo and I've been here about 5 or so months"

I smile and nod to each of them. When Gallo smiles back all I can think of is damn his smile is cute. Fuck I'm so gone on him and I just met him.

"Oh dad! I didn't tell mom either so I think I'll stay here until shift is done and then we can stop by home, pick her up and we'll all go to Molly's and meet up with the crew from Med and Intelligence?"

"Sounds good Ev. You wanna borrow some turnout gear and go with? If that's okay of course." He asked the last part directed towards Boden. Boden nods and so I agree pretty quickly. Almost as if it knows, the alarm goes off.

*Time skip to end of shift because I cannot write fire scenes for shit*

Dad and I walk out of the firehouse at the end of shift and get in his car. After about 5 minutes he speaks up,

"So what was that with Gallo?"

Shit. Play dumb.

"What do you mean?"

Good, good.

"Look, I know what flirting looks like, son. And I know you are gay since you came out to us in high school. I'm also not dumb, so I'll ask again, what was that with Gallo?"

I sigh. He always knows how to read me.

"He is cute, and I think I might be getting a crush on him, but it's nothing and he is most likely straight anyways."

"Well, I'm glad you told me, and I think you may have a better chance than you think."

And with that we pull into the driveway of my childhood home. We get out of the car and dad goes in first. I hear him say to mom,

"Hey honey, I have a surprise for you. Close your eyes"

After a few seconds he comes out and beckons me inside. I walk up and say,

"Hey mom."

She opens her eyes and shrieks when she sees me. She runs up to me and hugs me as tight as she can and I hug her back just as tight. Dad comes up to us and hugs us too. After a few we reluctantly separated.

"So what are you doing here?" She asks as she wipes the tears off her face. I tell her what I told dad and she nods and goes to get ready to go to Molly's. Dad and I do the same.

We get to Molly's and I'm bombarded by hugs again from my friends from Med and Intelligence. I am friends with Jay and Will Halstead, Mouse Gerwitz, Antonio Dawson, Hailey Upton, Adam Ruzek, Kim Burgess, Alvin Oilinsky, not Voight because of reasons, Kevin Atwater, Trudy Platt, Ethan Choi (he's not a dick here), Crockett Marcel, Natalie Manning, Maggie Lockwood, April Sexton, Connor Rhodes, Daniel Charles and Sharon Goodwin. They are all there and as soon as they heard I was back in town, they all came to Molly's. I also got hugs again from Kel, Matty, Joe, Otis, Sylvie, Stella, Shay, Andy, Boden, Tony, and Capp. I shake Gallo and Ritter's hands again. They all look at me expectantly, waiting for the story. I sigh and start talking.

"Okay so basically, you all remember how I was crushed under the truck? Well at my welcome back party, I had a pulmonary embolism in my ex-captains backyard. I wake up in the hospital and find out I need to go on blood thinners because I worked too hard doing my recertification. I go to dinner at my ex-captains house and find out why I can't go back on calls because of him. He is the one keeping me as a fire marshal. I make a dumb mistake and decide to sue the department and him. The lawyer threatened them all and tried to offer me a payout but I just wanted to go back to the firehouse. When I decided to come home, I hadn't been out on a call in 8 months. I got tired of it so I texted Maddie, my sister, and she came over. We went out to brunch at our favorite diner. On our way back to my loft, she called her boyfriend and his best friend, both of whom are my ex-coworkers but they were very vocal about my treatment and never shut me out. I went to talk to the chief, and he signed the transfer papers. I went back home to find that the three of them had packed all my things and Maddie booked me a flight for the next day, aka today. I called Matty, he got Boden and Kel into the office and I told them my plan. Next thing I know they are picking me up from O'Hare, we went to the firehouse, I surprised you all, went out on a few calls, went home to surprise mom, and came here to tell you my story."

I look around and see many shocked and furious faces.

"Okay I know those faces, you don't need to murder them, I told the chief what happened and recommend he suspend but not fire Diaz and Nash."

They all look more satisfied at that, but still mad. Gallo and Ritter just looked shocked.

"Wait wait wait, you are telling me that YOU WERE THE GUY TRAPPED UNDER THE TRUCK?!" Gallo asked, shocked.

I nod sheepishly.

"Yeah some kid was tryna blow up my captain but I was in his seat for the day. Don't remember why."

He just blew out a breath.

"Okay less sad things, what have I missed with you all?"

Jay speaks up first.

"Well Mouse and I finally got engaged!" He said, showing me his ring.

I jump up and go hug them both.

"I'm so happy for you two!"

They thank me and Connor goes next.

"Will and I finally got our heads out of our asses and got together."

I hug them both too and congratulate them.

"Matt and I are still together obviously" Kelly says. I roll my eyes and smack him on the head.

"I got a new girlfriend." Shay says slyly looking at Sylvie.

"I broke up with my boyfriend." Gallo says shrugging.

I feel both the girls and dads eyes on me but I very clearly ignore them. Everyone else is kinda confused but brushes it off.

"Chole is pregnant with my son!" Joe says excitedly.

"Oh my god dude congrats! I'm so happy for you!"

Everyone else shares something or say nothing new.

Couple hours later, it started to wind down and I'm at a table with the Halstead brothers, their other haves and Shay, Kim, and Hailey.

"So what's that with Gallo?" Mouse asks me pointedly. They all turn to me and I know my face is heating up.

"Nothing! There is nothing going on with Gallo!"

They all give me a 'drop the bullshit' look and I sigh.

"Okay fine, you all can stop giving me that look. I might have a slight crush on him. And it may be a little more now that I know he likes guys. But what if he doesn't like me?"

They all look at me in understanding.

"Evan, I love you, but why the fuck would he not want to go out with you? You are good looking, you are sweet, and anyone who wouldn't date you is dumb. And I'm a fucking lesbian." Shay says to me, everyone nodding along showing they agree with her.

"Yeah Cubby, I may not be a lesbian but you are like my brother, anyone who wouldn't date you is dumb" Kim adds on.

I sigh and nod. They all smile at me and we start talking about Jay and Mouse's wedding. Little did I know there was a very similar conversation at the table with Gallo, Ritter, Stella, Sylvie, Adam, and Andy.

Gallo POV:

"So Gallo, what was that with Evan?" Stella asks me.

"I have no idea what you are talking about"

"Cut the bullshit Blake. We all saw what was going on between you two" Andy says to me.

Fine, guess I'm not getting out of this one.

"Okay, I like him, but he is Herrmann's son! And I don't even know if he likes guys."

They all snort and start laughing then they look at me. I'm confused.

"Gallo, Evan is as gay as a fucking rainbow." Adam says to me in between laughter.

Wait, what?

"He's gay?"

They all nod.

Okay, I have a better chance now. They must've seen me thinking because Sylvie pats my shoulder and gets my attention.

"You should go for it. I've seen the way he's been looking at you all night. Just, maybe wait until tomorrow." She says, then walks over to Shay and grabs her hand. And pulls her up and out of the bar. The rest of them are not far behind and soon it's just Ritter, me, Evan, Cindy, and Herrmann. I go say goodbye to my best friend, the Herrmanns and Evan.

"Hey Evan, I'm gonna head out but it was nice to meet you" I hold my hand out for a shake but he pulls me into a hug shocking me at first before I hug him back. Once we pull apart I realize he is drunk because he plants a kiss on my cheek. My face heats up bright red. Ritter is looking at me amused and so I flip him off before we head out since he drove me and didn't drink tonight.

We get to my place and I wave goodbye. I fall asleep to the thought of Evan Buckley-Herrmann...

Buck POV:

I don't remember much from last night cause I ended up getting more drunk than I wanted too. I do however remember hugging Gallo. My face heats up at the thought of him. Oh god I can't believe I hugged him and kissed his cheek. He is never gonna wanna speak to me again. I'm pulled out if my spiral by dad knocking on my door.

"Come in!" I call

"Hey son, I thought you might have a headache after last night so here's some water and Tylenol. Also because I know you, I saw what you did to Gallo and just know, he doesn't hate you and actually texted me asking for your number, so if you get an unexpected text from a unknown number, that's all me. Love you, I'll see you in a few before we have to head in."

I nod and he closes the door. Well that's good that he doesn't hate me.

*Ding!*

I look over at my phone and see:

+773-675-6554:

Hey Evan! This is Blake Gallo. I hope you don't mind that Herrmann gave me your number. I was wondering if you wanted to get dinner tonight? As a date?

Hey Blake! I would love to! I also wanna apologize for last night, I was super drunk. I didn't mean to get that drunk. I'll see you at work today.

It's okay! I'll pick you up around 7? We get off shift at 6.

Sounds perfect! See you later!

See ya!

I groan and lay back on my bed. I stay there for like 30 seconds before I shoot up and start to freak out. Oh god I have a date. I have a date with Blake Gallo. I HAVE A DATE WITH BLAKE FUCKING GALLO! I lay face down on my bed like a teenager and stay there. I hear my door knock and I just groan. He comes in and chuckles at me.

"What's wrong?"

I just chuck my phone at him. They know my password since I don't ever really have much to hide from them, and if I do, I hide it good.

He reads the texts and laughs.

"Isn't that a good thing?" He asks me, amused.

"Yeah. But I have nothing to weaaar." I say sounding like a child.

"Well how about your mom goes and gets you some new clothes, since she knows your size, and then you are ready for your date. Sound good?"

I nod and get up.

"Okay. Now get dressed! We gotta leave in 5 minutes!"

I scramble to get dressed and we head out. I'm excited to have my first full shift at the 51. We pull in and get out. I smile when I see the "WELCOME HOME MINI HERRMANN" banner hanging up. We get ready and as soon as we are all ready, the alarm rings out. It was a quick one, a car accident. We were pretty busy today so it went by quick. I couldn't help but look at Blake when I thought no one was looking but a certain pair of husband's certainly saw this. They pulled dad off to the side to talk to him when we had a free moment.

"So why does Ev keep looking at Gallo?"

My dad laughs and tells then about the texts from this morning, but makes then promise that they won't let me know they know. (Yes I pulled a friends). They agree and as soon as they are done talking the alarm goes off one last time. Our last call went all the way to the end of our shift so I hurry and make dad leave quick, much to the surprise of those who don't know about the date. Gallo is not far behind them rushing out and a few people have knowing looks.

We get home and I see what clothes mom got me and decide on a maroon button up shirt and black jeans with my black doc martens. I gel my hair and about that time is when I get a text:

Blake:

Hey! I'm outside!

Okay! I'll be right out!

I double check I have everything and head out, saying bye to my parents. I walk out and see him leaning up against his car. He hugs me and I hug back, taking in his scent that seems oddly comforting. We break apart and he goes to open my door. I smile at him as I get in the car and he smiles back. He gets in and starts driving. I tentatively reach across the center console to grab his hand and he holds it. We smile at each other and he pulls into a small hole-in-the-wall Mexican restaurant. We get out and he grabs my hand again as we walk in.

"Reservation for Gallo" he says to the hostess. She nods and grabs 2 menus taking us to our table. We look at them and decide what we want. He gets the chicken enchiladas with a coke and I get fish tacos with a sprite. She takes our orders and walks away. I reach across the table and hold his hand. We start talking about our childhoods. He learns I wasn't born to mom and dad and I learn about how his family died. We talk for so long we don't realize our food is here until it gets set down. We eat, and he pays even though I try to protest. He just says "I asked out on a date. If this goes well, you can pay for the next one." I sigh and realize he wasn't going to give it up so I relent. We head back out to his car and he drives us out to a ledge to look over the city. He has a truck and backed it up so we can lay on his bed to look at the stars. We cuddled there since he brought blankets to lay down. We didn't talk, I just had my head on his chest, watching the stars.

"Evan?" He asks softly.

I look up at him and respond, "yeah?"

He looks down at me and asks, "can I kiss you?"

I nod and meet him halfway. His lips are so soft and sweet. His tongue is asking permission to enter my mouth and I let it. I moan into his mouth and he does the same when I put my tongue in his. We make out for a few minutes before we have to take a breather. We rest our foreheads against each other.

"That was amazing," I breathed out.

He just nods and we sit there. He then leans in to kiss me again, this time much more chaste.

"Do you wanna come back to my place? We don't have to have sex, but I just want to snuggle you" he asks after a few.

I look up at him through my eyelashes and nod. We get out of his truck bed and he grabs the blankets and shuts the tailgate. I climb in and let my dad know I won't be home. He just sends back winky faces and tells me to be safe. I sent him the middle finger emoji and shut my phone off. He climbs in and we head to his place. He turns on the radio and I hear one of my favorite songs, From The Ground Up by Dan+Shay. I start humming along and then when Blake turns it up I start to sing which causes him to sing along too. We both laugh and are so joyful when the song ends that we keep singing along with the radio. We pull into his apartment complex and get out. We get up there and I realize I don't have pajamas. I tell Blake this and he tells me I can borrow a shirt and sweats from him. He hands them to me and I go change. We fall asleep pretty quickly, him spooning me from behind. I feel so comfortable in his arms and it just feels right. I never believed in soulmates, but Blake Gallo is making me believe in them now.

I wake up the next morning to see Blake looking at me lovingly. I smile back up at him and kiss him. We both smile into the kiss.

"I gotta get back to my parents before shift since I don't want to go in my nice clothes" I murmur against his lips.

"Or you could borrow my clothes if you want?" He says with a shrug.

I agree, not really wanting to head back to my parents. I borrow a pair of jeans a t shirt, neither of us looking at it closely.

We head out and go to the firehouse. I hold his hand across the center console again, occasionally pulling out joined hands to kiss them. On the way there he asks me to be his boyfriend and I agree immediately. When we pull in, we smile at each other and get out. We keep our hands joined, not wanting to hide this from our family. We hear wolf whistles and cheers and we just shake our heads with smiles.

"Hey kid! Nice shirt!" I hear Mouch say.

I turn around confused a little bit before Stella takes pity on me,

"Cubby, your shirt says 'Gallo'"

We both blush and walk away. I hear Ritter going to talk to Blake and I see the resident hubby's walking over to me. They pull me into Matt's bunk and push me onto the bed.

"Talk" they both say.

I sigh and say, "okay, so the day before yesterday, I got a text from Blake asking if he wants to go on a date. The night before when it was just Ritter, him, me, and my parents, when he came to say goodbye, I was so drunk I pulled him into a hug and kissed his cheek. I apologized the next morning but he asked me on a date and I said yes. He picked me up from my parents house, opened the car door for me like a gentleman, and we went to a Mexican restaurant, then out to the ledge that looks out over the city. We laid in the bed of his truck just watching the stars when he asked if he could kiss me. I said yes, we kissed a few times then he asked if I wanted to go back to his place. He said we don't need to have sex and that he just wants to snuggle me. I agree, let my dad know, which was a mistake considering he is a kid at heart. We sang along to the radio on the way back since my favorite song came on, we got back to his place and he gave me sweats and a shirt to wear. We laid in bed, with him as the big spoon. We woke up together and I was at first gonna ask him to drop me off at home but then he just said I can borrow clothes from him so we don't have to go back. He hands me what I'm wearing, we don't look at the shirt obviously. On the way here we hold hands across the console, I keep kissing our joined hands. We then walk into the firehouse and you know the rest."

They nod along to the entire rant and finally Matt asks, "Are you happy?"

I nod enthusiastically and say, "Very. I haven't been this happy in a long time"

They both nod and get up to give me a hug. I start to tear up because having their and my parents' approval are very important to me.

"As long as you are happy Cub, we are happy." Kelly says, Matt agreeing. At that, I finally let my tears fall and they hug me again and kiss my forehead. After a few, I finally get it together and head out of the bunk. I see Blake talking to Ritter, Otis, and Cruz in the bunk room, so I go up to him and hug him. He hugs me back, a little confused but not complaining. He kisses my forehead ignoring the other three who are looking at the couple with a fond look. They walk away to give us a little privacy, shutting the door.

"What's wrong baby?" He asks me.

I sniff and then look up at him, "Nothing. I am just glad that they are accepting of our relationship. I know we just had our first date last night, but I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

He looks down at me with tears in his eyes too, and kisses my forehead again then my lips.

"I can't imagine my life without you too. All I could dream about last night was marrying you someday and adopting kids with you. I genuinely feel like you are my soulmate. I love you."

At that, the tears start flowing, he wipes my tears with his thumbs and kisses me.

"I love you too" I tell him softly. At that, the alarm goes off and then we are off, but not without one more kiss.

When I climb into the truck, dad asks me if I'm okay. I nod and smile at him, telling him I'll talk to him later. He nods and we are off.

When we get back, Blake and I go to talk to Boden to fill out paperwork for our relationship. He tells us he is proud of us and thanks us for filling out the paperwork. We nod and he hugs us both.

We head into the lounge and decide to cude together on the couch, but not in Mouch's spot. I close my eyes and lay my head on his shoulder. I feel him lay his head on mine and then I am asleep. We wake up when the alarm goes off again.

"Rise and shine lovebirds!" Capp yells at us. We flip him off together. The fire goes out pretty quickly and we are headed back to the station. Blake asks me if we can talk when we pull in and I nod and ask Kelly if we can use his bunk to talk. He says sure, so we head there.

"Okay, I know we literally just started dating, but how would you feel about moving in with me? I know you are looking for a place and your stuff will be here soon. If you don't want to, that's fine, but I figured it would be better for you, and we can split the rent. Whatdya say?"

I take that in for a moment before nodding with a bright grin coming across my face.

"Yeah?" He asks, a hopeful look on his face.

"Yeah." I confirm with a bright grin.

"Yay!! I'm so glad you said yes!"

"I am too. I meant what I said when I said I want to grow old with you. I want to get married and have kids with you. I love you."

"I love you too." He then leaned down to kiss me and I kissed back.

We walk out of the bunk holding hands and smiling. As the shift comes to an end I tell him that I'll head back to my parents for the night and let them know what I'm planning on doing. He says okay and we kiss and head off in different directions. Dad and I get to their house and see my Jeep is there finally. I'm glad, because as much as I love my dad driving me, I need my own vehicle. We walk in and mom greets us. We eat and then I tell them I need to talk to them. They look concerned so I reassure them it's nothing bad.

"Mom, dad, as I'm sure you know by now, Blake Gallo and I are dating. And I know we just started dating but I feel as if I've known him my entire life. He is the person I want to grow old with. He is the person I want to marry someday. He is the person I want to adopt kids with. And I know he feels the same cause he told me. I love him and he loves me. So he asked me to move in with him just because he knows I'm looking for a place and the rent would be cheaper. So I said yes. I hope that's okay."

They look at me with proud looks and tears in their eyes.

"Evan, of course it's okay. After hearing that, I firmly believe you two are soulmates. I don't always believe in love at first sight, but I saw you guys the first time you saw each other and something clicked. Your mother and I will always love you and always be proud of you. We will help you move your stuff along with I'm sure the rest of the firehouse. They all saw something there, and I know you two are meant for each other."

At this point, all of had tears down our faces. I nod and don't say anything because I don't trust my voice. They pull me into a hug and we just hug for a long time. Eventually I speak, "I think I'll stay here for the rest of the week, since we have this weekend off, we can move my stuff then"

They nod and we all head off to bed, but not before they both kiss my forehead. I fall asleep that night thinking of the names Evan Gallo and Blake Herrmann.

The weeks goes by quick. Blake and I explain what we are gonna do and they all agree to help us that weekend. Saturday rolls around and we get everything unpacked pretty quickly since Ieft all my furniture and didn't have much. Next thing I know I'm FaceTiming Maddie, Chim, and Hen to introduce them to my Blake as my boyfriend a few weeks later. They are shocked at first but by the end, Maddie and Chim are coming over for Christmas in a few months. We say bye and hang up the phone. I sigh contently and look over at my boyfriend. He looks back at me lovingly. It's been about a month since we got together. I already bought a ring, but I'm gonna wait a little longer.

*Time skip*

It's now December, getting closer to Christmas time. I want to propose on Christmas in front of our family. Since we became more serious, my family accepted him more. They already liked him since they knew him before, but it's different than being a coworker vs your son's boyfriend. Maddie and Chim are coming like they said they would. They'll be here tomorrow. The firehouse tease us about our relationship, but we both know they are happy for us. They do the same thing with Kel and Matty and Shay and Sylvie, but it's all joking. Christmas rolls around and I'm nervous and excited at the same. We show up at my parents and they let us in. Maddie and Chim are there since they are staying there instead of a hotel. We start opening presents and when it gets to my turn for Blake, I get down on one knee and pull out the ring. Behind me I hear mom and Maddie gasp but right now in focused on Blake.

"Blake, ever since I first laid eyes on you in the lounge room, I knew I liked you. That then morphed into love. I can't see myself with anyone else. I want to have children with you. I want to grow grey and wrinkly with you. I want marry you. So Blake James Gallo, will you marry me?"

He nods yes and falls down to me and we hug and kiss each other like our life depended on it. I slip the ring on as our family cheers for us and gives us all hugs. I see Blake reach into his pocket and pull out a velvet box.

"I was gonna ask you later this week, but Evan Buckley-Herrmann, will you marry me?"

I nod and we kiss again. We put our rings on and keep celebrating Christmas with our family.

We also bought the rubber rings for at work. We aren't telling anyone right out, we are gonna see who figures it out first. I bet on Shay, Blake says Matt, dad says Sylvie, mom and Maddie say Otis, and Chim who has gotten to know 51, says Stella. In the end, mom and Maddie were right. He noticed our rings and congratulated us prompting everyone else to do the same. The girls offered to plan it with Maddie. I ask Maddie to be my best woman and Blake asks Ritter to be his best man. We asked Boden to officiate it. My dad will walk me down the aisle. We each took turns deciding who we wanted for our groomsmen/women. We ended up doing a fall wedding because that is our favorite season and we had many people from intelligence, med, and firehouse 51 and a few people from California. Our first dance is the song we sang together on our first date. About a year into our marriage Blake and I decided to adopt twins. We now have two girls named Maeve Gallo and Robin Gallo who are 4. They love all the aunts and uncles they have from everywhere in Chicago and LA. They also love their "Papa Herrmann and Grammy Cindy. But also their grandpa Boden". Everyday I am thankful that I decided to leave LA and I'm thankful that the Herrmanns adopted me because if they didn't I don't know where I would be. But I thank God the Buckleys didn't want me and that captain Nash shut me out.

And we'll build this love from the ground up

Now 'til forever it's all of me, all of you

Just take my hand

And I'll be the man your dad hoped that I'd be

And we'll build this love from the ground up

For worse or for better

And I will be all you need

Beside you I'll stand through the good and the bad

We'll give all that we have

And we'll build this love from the ground up

Dan+Shay

[the1975attheirverybest]

Honestly sick and tired of being expected to bend over backwards for people just because they like Taylor swift. Sure she’s talented but people literally treat her like she’s god and it’s so stupid. I literally got called misogynistic for not liking her (I have been standing up for equal rights for EVERYONE since I learned what the fucking words meant). The fact that many of her fans are some of the most horrible people I’ve come across is also so off-putting. The things I heard being said about Matty when they were together was disgusting - obviously he is not perfect but there was no valid reason for people wanting him to relapse or sending death threats to his family?! It’s ridiculous, and if swifties could start to realise that she only ever speaks up about things that concern herself, they could maybe stop making so many exceptions for a woman who is no better than any other ACTUAL female activist!! Sorry rant over 🥲

Oh FOR SURE! this is how I feel. Even now, I have friends (well meaning, definitely, they’re looking out for me bless them 💗) who are messaging me like “omg Halla don’t reply to those asks please” what the fuck??? Why?? Cuz I don’t worship the ground that she walks on??? I’m not allowed to have an opinion? Be for fuckin reallllll brooo. It’s my position. A well considered and valid one. And I’m gonna say it. She’s not above the rest of us.

Then she does the bare minimum and her terrifying fans (not all of them; I know swifties with braincells who acknowledge her flaws as a human being but enthusiastically enjoy her artistry. As they should) are singing her praises like she’s the first human to ever take an ethical position on something or to make the right decision in life. C’mon. I will not let children with too much internet access and a whole lot of freedom bully me out of saying a perfectly reasonable thing to say lmao.

[nade2308]

43 ‘bleeding out’ for Mac, please! 😃

A/N: I finally got around to finish writing this, hope you like it.

Mac was enjoying the light breeze that was caressing his face. After going non-stop on missions for the last few weeks, and the temperatures in the city rising, it was a welcome reprieve to retreat to the mountains for a week off. That, and Mac had some ulterior motives for it, that he planned on talking about with Jack, but that could wait. It was the best he'd seen his partner look since Jack returned from the Kovacs mission and Mac was loath to ruin that. But as they approached the end of their week camping, just the two of them, Mac knew that he had to broach the subject sooner rather than later.

The thing in question that had Mac ask Matty for a week off to recharge and recuperate was a hostage situation that turned from bad to worse so fast that Mac was still reeling. But how Mac felt about it wasn't the issue, it was how Jack handled it (or rather didn't handle it) that was scaring Mac. So Mac decided to take matters into his own hands. And here they were. In the mountains, having a week off, camping. Just the two of them and the mountain air and the ground serving as a bed and pillow. So far things were going great. And Mac was happy to spend some quality time alone with Jack.

Jack wasn't okay, not by a long shot, and judging by how fast Jack was thrown back into the spy world after the Kovacs mission, Mac wasn't surprised. He was surprised that it didn't happen sooner. And he wasn't going to fault Matty and Russ about that, but seeing as they needed Jack to come and save the day, they saw the bigger picture and not the little details.

They weren't aware, at least actively, that Jack was having some hard time adjusting to being back, and although Mac noticed that, it took him a while to discover the source of why Jack was feeling like a fish out of water. Mac's best bet was that Jack was feeling guilty for spending almost two years on the Kovacs hunt and then he just… simply shut down. It was Jack who came back, but not all of him was quite there, yet, and that's where Mac struggled the most with.

Jack was quiet next to him as they walked down one of the trails. He seemed lost in thought and once again Mac was reminded of the reason why he asked Matty to give them the week off. He needed to talk with Jack, so they could work things out. Mac had a suspicion that this ran deeper than just the Kovacs mission. And now with their most recent mission going sideways… it was just a matter of time when it'd all blow up.

Mac was following Jack when his leg suddenly slipped on a wet log on the ground and Mac's breath escaped in a whoosh as he fell on his back and something snapped underneath him.

At first he thought he broke something, but the pain came a moment later and Mac screamed. It was one of those surprised, unbidden screams. But the pain was unbearable and he couldn't stop screaming. He couldn't see what it was.

Jack came to his aid immediately, screeching to a halt in front of Mac.

"Oh, no, no, no."

"J… Jack?"

"Hoss, I need you to calm down."

"W-why?"

"You have a bear trap closed in around your calf."

"B-bear what?"

Mac was getting confused fast and realized that something warm and sticky was running down his leg, probably blood. But he couldn't think about it too much, he had to make sure that Jack didn't freak out. Which seemed to have taken place because Jack was still standing over him, unable to move.

The pain was getting harder to ignore.

"Jack, can you get it out?" Mac breathed out through clenched teeth, and it was taking a great effort to talk.

"Um… I am not sure I should do that, Mac."

"We need to move somewhere where you can patch me up. We are… not safe."

It looked like the comment in combination with Mac bleeding out was enough to convince Jack. He pulled the first aid kid they always took with them, and opened it, disinfecting his hands, and then set on pulling the trap away from Mac's leg.

Mac knew that it was probably wrong. But he was willing to take his chances, rather than have the teeth of the trap dig in further in the flesh of his leg.

In hindsight, the snap Mac heard was probably the bear trap.

Mac bit on his hand to prevent a loud scream when the trap unlocked and Jack had to maneuver his leg out of it. Tears sprung to his eyes from the pain he was in, but he refused to let them out. He had to hold on. Just for a little longer.

"Oh, God, no."

Mac was aware of Jack moving around and then something was putting pressure on his leg. He realized too late that maybe pulling the trap off of his leg wasn't the best course of action. Because he started bleeding faster than before, and the gauze Jack used to staunch the bleeding was rapidly soaking blood and doing nothing to stop the bleeding.

Mac wasn't above trying to clot his wounds with black pepper or gunpowder, but they had neither on them right now… well Jack was probably carrying a gun, or two. It was worth a shot.

"Jack, you'll have to cauterize the wounds until we can…" Mac trailed off and forgot what he was gonna say. There was so much blood…

"I can't… Mac, I don't want to hurt you further. You know how bad it can get if you get an infection on top of everything."

Mac looked between Jack and his rapidly bleeding leg. He was scared he was going to bleed out before Jack could help patch him up or get him to a hospital, but on the other hand he was hurting a lot and probably wasn't for the best to make decisions while he didn't have his head in the game.

"Bud? Mac?"

Mac realized he spaced out and Jack was frantically yelling his name.

"What are we gonna do, Jack?"

"It's not much, but I can wrap your leg and carry you to the Jeep. Then drive to the nearest hospital, I suppose."

There was something about the way Jack handled the situation, but Mac couldn't put his finger on it.

Thankfully, he didn't have to think too much, and let Jack take over. Jack was always wired to help and be of assistance, and seeing as Mac couldn't do anything, but kept trying to stay awake, Mac appreciated Jack's alertness. Even though the delivery was cold somehow.

…

Jack was staring in front of him, eyes unseeing beyond the white and green of the tile in the hospital. The drive was a blur, once he got in the Jeep and called Matty to tell her about what happened and request help in settling things with the hospital; he was done with thinking.

There was so much blood. On Mac, in the car, on Jack, on Jack's hands. Honestly, Jack had no idea how to deal with this. He was aware that he was headed towards a spiral, but he had no idea how to solve that. Mac was the one who usually helped Jack when he was getting towards the darker holes in his soul, but Mac wasn't there with him now. And Jack wasn't sure Mac would want to be around him anymore. Ever since Jack returned back from the Kovacs mission, things were strained. It felt like Jack was trying to fit back in, somewhere he once fit seamlessly. But lately, the pieces with jagged edges refused to get smoothed out.

Jack tried to explain it with the way things happened a couple of years ago. The hush-hush of the Kovacs mission, the way he shook Mac's hand instead of hugging him. Telling Mac that he was just a good friend. It was all just a way for him to distance himself from how he was really feeling, how his heart was split in a thousand little pieces. How breaking the kid's heart and most of all breaking his promise, was the hardest thing Jack had to do in his life so far.

It was that and the subsequent mission as well as the time he was absent from their lives that brought Jack back to that person he was in the Sandbox before him and Mac were paired up. It was someone Jack wasn't happy to see reappearing.

Mac was the one that pulled him out of that state of despair almost ten years ago. And Jack wasn't sure that Mac would want to extend him the courtesy again. Because Jack left. He broke his promise. Why would Mac want to help him again, right?

Mac shouldn't be even close to Jack now. Jack was danger. The first moment alone with each other and Mac got caught in a bear trap. It was all Jack's fault. He was the one who screwed things up. He should have never returned. Just brought them more pain.

And he got people killed, the hostage negotiation from a week ago flashing in his mind. He was a killing machine, there was a reason why the Army kept him as long as they did. He was the best of the best for a long time. Give him a rifle and a target and then set him off into the wild.

Mac changed that.

Mac.

Whose blood Jack had on his hands.

…

Several more hours of waiting and a silent breakdown later, a doctor came out to the waiting room, relaying to Jack that Mac was going to be okay and that he was going to recover. As expected, he lost a lot of blood, but he was expected to make full recovery.

That made Jack feel a bit better, although he still felt guilty for going with Mac's plea to remove the trap from his leg. Jack could still hear the sharp click as the metal embedded itself into Mac's skin, the sick squelch sound it made when Jack pulled it off, the smell of blood, the iron from the blood mixing with the rust on the bear trap.

It was everything he could do to force himself to make the short trip to the bathroom where he threw up. After he was done, Jack washed himself thoroughly, making sure he scrubbed his skin until there was not a speck of dried blood or vomit and his hands and arms were pink.

And okay, he might have scratched harder and left some bloody trail of his own.

The doctor was gone when Jack returned from the bathroom, and he had no idea where to look for him. Jack forgot to ask if Mac was transferred to a room or not…

There was a nurse that appeared to his side and asked if he was Jack, telling him that the handsome blond in room 305 was asking for him. Jack went with her, because as much as he wanted to stop giving the kid grief, he would never deny him anything.

…

Mac could tell that he was on the good stuff because he didn't feel anything other than the floaty feeling which meant the painkillers were doing their thing. Otherwise, Mac was sure that he would be screaming in pain.

He was disappointed to see that Jack wasn't in the room when he woke up, but Mac knew that Jack was probably sulking off somewhere, trying to tell himself what he did wrong. And Mac didn't want that. Asking one of the nurses if she could find Jack and describing Jack the best he could, Mac hoped she could track him down.

(And okay, Mac might have been a bit loopy and waxed poetic about how amazing his partner was, but if asked Mac would say it was the drugs).

When the nurse returned with Jack in tow, something in Mac settled, but he could tell that Jack was having a hard time so he mustered up some strength to stay awake and talk to Jack.

Mac knew that he shouldn't have waited so long to talk to Jack, but what happened with the bear trap earlier put things into perspective. He knew that if he was to repair whatever ended up broken between him and Jack, he had to attack things head on.

"Jack."

"Hey, Mac. I am glad you are awake. You scared me, buddy."

"I think I scared myself. I'm so sorry about this."

"Why are you sorry for? It's not like you put the trap there yourself."

"I tripped. God, I'm a grade A klutz."

"That you are."

Mac could detect a hint of a smile in Jack's words, but he could tell it didn't reach Jack's eyes. His partner and best friend was still locked somewhere in that bad space where he was when Mac met him back in 2011.

"Listen, Jack, I want to talk to you about something."

Jack exhaled and Mac watched as Jack clenched and unclenched his hands in fists in his lap. He wanted Jack to hold his hand as always, but he also recognized why Jack was holding himself back.

"If you want to tell me that it's not my fault, save your breath, I know that it is, so…"

"Actually, it's not about that. But you are right about that one. It's not your fault. I begged you to remove the trap, and in hindsight I knew I shouldn't have, but it seemed like a good idea at the time."

"You… you were bleeding so much. I couldn't help you. I couldn't stop it. I did this."

"How? Let me reiterate what you said earlier. You didn't put that trap there, Jack. You couldn't have known. And I asked you to remove it. Okay?"

Another sigh.

"Yeah, okay."

Mac wasn't entirely convinced that Jack believed him, but he couldn't think much about it right now. He wanted to talk to Jack about something else.

"What was that you wanted to talk to me about?"

"About what happened a week ago."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"I think we should."

"Mac, don't."

"Look, Jack, it's obviously bothering you. And something tells me this is not recent."

"Mac, please… I don't want to talk about it."

"It hurts. It hurts seeing you like this, Jack. I can't watch you destroy yourself systematically and blaming yourself for everything that happens. That's indeed who you are, you carry guilt the size of Texas in you, but this needs to stop."

The moment Mac saw anger and hurt flash on Jack's face before he schooled his features, he hated himself a little bit for using the way he felt to make Jack realize just how far he was gone in that dark hole again.

Just because this time Jack was functioning normally, or as normal as possible, it didn't mean Mac was blind to his partner obviously being depressed and maybe hating himself in the process.

"I'm sorry."

"I don't need an apology, Jack. I just need you to understand that just because you were absent for two years, it doesn't mean that you stopped being important to me and the others. We are family. And obviously something is bothering you. I want to know what it is. I want to help you, Jack."

"It's not on you, Mac. I can deal with it on my own. There's no need-"

"Oh, so my problems are your problems, but your problems are what? Chopped liver?"

"Kid, don't."

"Don't what? You are spiraling, Jack! You are so far gone, you can't even look me in the eye and I can tell that you are hurting. Talk to me, big guy. Please."

Mac could tell that he hit a nerve because Jack immediately looked up. The storm brewing behind Jack's brown eyes was about to start. And the worst of it was that Mac didn't know what to expect from Jack when it hit.

"You want to know why the hostage negotiation hit me so hard? Because that's how… that's how we got Kovacs. That's how I killed him. One cold and calculated killshot. Is that what you wanted to hear, Mac? Does that make you feel better?"

"No. But that's the most I've heard you talk about since you returned so I'm counting it as a win."

"When I accepted to lead the taskforce on getting Kovacs, I did it to protect you. I inadvertently hurt you and that's something I'll never forgive myself for. That and calling you just a good friend. You are so much more than that to me, Mac. I hope you can find it in you to forgive me one day."

"I forgave you a long time ago, Jack. And I know why you went. I read the report. I know my dad was behind it. And I know that you think you should punish yourself for it. But you shouldn't."

"I left you, kid. I promised I wouldn't and then I did. What does that make me if not a traitor? I don't deserve you."

"Hey, hey, now, stop."

Mac made an effort to move his hand and take one of Jack's and hold on.

"Jack. Did it hurt that you left? Yes. But I know why and I don't blame you. I would do it too, if I was put in such a position."

"I didn't… I went back to my old self, Mac. I became the ruthless killer the Agency and the Army needed at their disposal. And the way I shot that guy holding the kids hostages, my hand didn't even shake or move an inch. It was the steadiest I've ever hit anyone since… Kovacs."

"You are not ruthless, Jack. You never were."

"I'm not so sure about that, hoss. I didn't feel anything. When I pulled the trigger, I didn't feel anything. And that scared me more than I'm willing to admit. That's why I'm acting like this. I am dangerous. And I don't want to hurt you in the process. More than I already have, anyway."

"You are not dangerous, Jack. You are just you. And that thing you are feeling… that's part of you. You know, there was a wise man that once told me that darkness was part of us as well and that we need to embrace it in order to live with ourselves easier. And I don't know about you, but I have taken that advice to heart."

"I did say that to you now, didn't I?"

"It's time for you to take your own advice to heart, Jack. I won't throw you away just because there's a little bit of darkness in you. We both have done things we are not proud of, but we learned to live with it. And I know it's been a while since you had to do it, but I'm going to help you with reminding you how to do it. Okay?"

"Okay."

This time Jack's words sounded more convincing and Mac let himself smile. They just took the first step together.

"And Jack? It's okay to let us take care of you every once in a while. You need a break, too."

"Tell me about it."

As if on cue, they both yawned and burst into giggles. Suddenly Mac got an idea and he knew that it was impossible to make it work, he wanted Jack close.

"Come on, come here." He started tugging on Jack's hand.

"What? Where?"

To make his point clear, Mac made an effort to move on the bed.

"Hoss, you can't just ask me to take from your space, hold on, hey, stop it."

There was a thought that Mac filed for later, how easy it was to pull Jack into the bed while he was injured and on painkillers.

"We shouldn't be doing this, kid. You are injured."

"I know that, Jack. But I need you to get some rest too. And you never will until someone makes you, so I'm doing it. Now, hold me."

"So bossy." But Jack obliged and Mac felt himself truly relax in Jack's hold.

"Are we going to be okay, Mac?" Jack suddenly asked and he felt more than he heard Jack sigh.

"Yes, we are. I got you, Jack. You know, you watch my back and I watch yours. It still stands."

"Thank you, kiddo."

"Don't mention it."