#matty. matty. matty. MY FAVOURITE MAN IN THE WHOLE WORLD

[soldier-poet-king]

Smh the AUDACITY to make my literal Perfect Man in every single way and then [redacted] him

[ughgoaway]

my favourite fics and writers

hi, y'all!! so I've decided that this year, I want to be more appreciative of all the amazing content we have on this app, and thank the writers providing it. this was inspired by Lily (lastnightwaskindofablur) who shared how long it took her to write her series, and it made me realise how much time and love are poured into these fics.

so this list is basically everyone im following, and my favourite piece of writing from them! I don't think I've forgotten anyone, but if I have IM SO SORRY!! if I am following you- I'm obsessed with you.

anyway, so sorry for tagging 1000 people but I love and appreciate you all so much!!

(so much rambling below the cut)

@64yrsold; “aches” is amazing and “wintering” is heartbreaking in the best way. Also, all of their one-shots are just amazing, I could read them over and over again!!

@yourtouchismidas; “ruins” was one of the first fics that had me checking AO3 every day for updates. truly heartbreaking and all-encompassing. and all the blurbs from it are also amazing. The dad! Matty content mixed with the angst is just so well done.

@abiiors; is not only one of the nicest people on this app (and maybe the world) but also one of the most talented writers. so so many amazing fics that honestly, don't even get me started on bc I will talk for HOURS. but “haunt//bed” is one fic I can't stop coming back to. And “Three’s a Party” is… mind-numbingly good, it actually made me scream into a pillow when I read it for the first time. Vee also creates all the amazing 75 Tumblr activities so really she is to thank for SO MUCH content on here!! one of the kindest people I know, and I feel so lucky to call her my friend :)))

@shinycollarboneapologist; was the blog where I started rambling and sharing ideas, so she is to thank for all the friends I've made on here!!! The Taylor verse is PHENOMENAL and “illicit affairs” is a fav. but “clandestine” has invaded my brain so much I literally dream about it regularly... so I have to say that's my no.1

@imagine-that-100; I first discovered her series "Drunk” on ao3 and then promptly binged everything on her masterlist (multiple times...) “Chicken Shop Date” is just a masterpiece (she and her co-writer are AMAZING on this and I will ramble about her later), but my personal fav is “truth serum”. I have probably read that fic about 50 times over and I love it just as much every time!!!

@heyidkyay; I first read “Who Can Say No to Bridezilla?” and became obsessed on ao3. but then I found them on Tumblr and was completely sucked into "I guess I'll take this pain, instead of your name" which is quite possibly the best George series on here. so much character building and back story, and overall just a phenomenal fic.

@justlikemebutsixfootthree; has some of the best smut on this app,” The Birthday Party” is probably my most re-read because it is just an absolute masterpiece. but “insane” and “direction” are also both amazing.

@imightgetbetter; was one of the first blogs I discovered on here, and I fell in love with the whole “Love It If We Made It” series. such an amazing development of a relationship and their writing is AMAZING. but my absolute favourites have to be “Bets are off” and “I love dilfs.”

@butyou-callmewhenyourebored; has such good Ross content all around, truly providing for the Ross girlies!!! but the Leeds au blurb 1 is my fav from them!

@drivelikeiido; has some beautiful fluff, and I just love the way they write Matty. but (not so) important decisions just make my heart warm like nothing else!!!

@toomuchracket; my beloved mads!! the fun wine aunt of 1975 Tumblr. I mean I could talk for 17 pages about my love for all of her au's... birthday party is the perfect supportive husband, d-word is the best slutty old man content on this app lol and flatmate is the friends-to-lovers content we all yearn for. asking me to choose my favourite Mads fic is like choosing a favourite child, but right now it has to be totally wrecked. I think that has altered my brain chemistry in an indescribable way… (edit; since writing this she has put out possibly my no.1 fic of all time, “and this is how it starts” so I just had to mention how much I fucking adore it)

@lottiecrabie; I mean... what else is there to even say about Lottie other than she is one of the best writers I have ever read. truly the mother of 1975 Tumblr. “rockstar girlfriend” and “pray for my soul” both have such special places in my heart, but anatomy au locked a new section in my brain fr. that little loser lives in my head rent free!!!

@tillthelandslide; is so so kind and has some amazing series I would recommend to EVERYONE. “insufferable asshole” is one of my absolute favourites, I love a grovelling man what can I say!!! but “Same for You” has me flipping sides every chapter, I still can't choose if I'm team Ross or team Matty.

@lastnightwaskindofablur; what more can I sat about the whole ATPOAIM universe other than it is quite literally phenomenal. the amount of time and effort poured into the Brittany Jackson universe is so clear by how amazing each fic and blurb is. my absolute favourite thought is "Christmas isn't cancelled (just you.)" from the 12 days of Christmas. it is easily one of my favourite fics I've read!!! She is also the whole inspiration behind this list and made me realise how important thanking your favourite writers really is.

@cowboylor; ohmyLORD the smut on this blog is just... wowowoowowowow. actually made me nervous to attempt smut because of how good theirs is. "Cabin Fever" is probably my favourite, I love a good threesome fic.

@alovesreading; the other half of the JAW DROPPING series that is “Chicken Shop Date”. the hours that have been put into that fic are so clear in how well thought out it is. every word feels purposefully placed, and every chapter fucking HITS. A also writes amazing fics for Alex Turner and is slowly making me an Alex girlie just by how good her writing is...

@bookish-strawberry; such such good fics in the "You and Me Till the End Universe". Ambrose has just created such loveable characters and you can't help but adore his writing. “alleyway” pt 1 and 2 are my favourites, I do love some fwb content.

@hypersonic04; her teacher Ross universe is just great, every blurb and fic just radiates the love between the characters that she has created!! but my absolute favourite fic of hers has to be "Tis the damn season", it somehow made me love one of my favourite songs even more.

@cryley; her “Petichor” series is just fluffy perfection, I have probably read it over 10 times and will 1000% be reading it at least 10 more...

@cows-wearing-my-sweater; has some amazing one-shots, and his work on “Eternal Summer” is absolutely beautiful. she manages to make you feel the warmth of summer through a screen, and it's fucking beautiful. 

@thefrontofmymind; has so many great matty fics/imagines, “Helping Hand” jumps out easily as my favourite though. Once again, friends with benefits is ALWAYS gonna slap. especially when they confess their feelings at the end!!!! ahhh so good. “Proof Positive” is such a good Ross fic, if you like pregnancy fics I would HIGHLY recommend it.

@uramilf; did the 12 days of Christmas last year, and every day was amazing!!! But £The Record Shop” is my favourite series from her, love and music combined are too perfect for me not to adore.

@3terna15unshin3; Marcey's fic "then because she goes" had me refreshing ao3 DAILY. este is such a well-rounded and beautiful character, her and Matty's love makes me so lovesick it's CRAZY. that whole series is my favourite, and my fav blurb from that universe is Toothbrush. Este and Matty are so beloved by me <333

@because-she-goes; has an amazing universe with Matty and an OC that I adore, Nora is such a lovely character and every fic about them makes me giddy. "black lace" and "Summer Girl" are my favourites of their fics though!

@theseventyfive; has such a way with words, every fic makes me giggle and kick my feet. but if you saw my tags on my reblog of "not so secret Santa" you know how deeply I adore that fic. the writing on it is beautiful and makes you feel warm somehow??? amazing.

@wrongendofurcigarette; George girlies it's your time to shine!!!! "sun-soaked" and "wet" swirl in my mind whenever I see a pic of George looking... particularly good. but recently she has created an actress reader au that I am BUZZING for. that little snippet was... wowowowowowowow

@automaticllamacycle; OLIVE!!!!! once again, such a nice and genuine human being and I am so so lucky to chat with her because she is the best hypeman EVER. and is amazing to bounce ideas off of. just such a kind person and I am blessed to scream to her over DM. her coffee shop AU might be my most-read fic ever. it was my daily routine at one point to wake up, go to AO3 and read that fic. when part 2 came out???? I DIEDDDDDDD. but also all of olives horny thoughts are... MUWAH chefs kiss.

@red---moon; "after party" is another fic I read regularly on ao3, sleepy matty after a party with flirting and then smut??? hellooooo yes please. also, “Souvenir” as a series is just amazing, so so so good.

@maxverstappensflatbrim; “show me yours” is such a beautiful universe, and has SO MANY CHAPTERS for you to become obsessed with. I just love every character in that universe, and Mac’s writing is amazing.

@justanamesstuff; “All I Need” is such an amazing series, and I would recommend it to anyone who loves Dad! Matty content!! But all her blubs are worth reading too!!

@procrastinatinglikeapro; is so so sweet and has some absolutely mind-blowing fics. I must have read her entire masterlist 10 times over at this point. Choosing a favourite is hard, but “Does it matter” as a series has me HOOKED. (but also I love “mango lipgloss” and “wear my name around your neck”… don't make me choose okay)

@wrestletotheground; has some absolute BANGERS that everyone MUST read. Once again, the ross-tent on this blog is amazing. “Crime and Punishment” is my fav Matty fic from them, and she absolutely killed it with “Settle Down” for Ross!!

@mybrokenveins3000; college ross SUPREMACY!!! She is right when she says she is proud of “everyday rockstar” because it's easily my fav!!

@steel-elle; beautiful writing with everything she does, but my favourite has to be “But I stay when it's hard, or it's wrong, or we're making mistakes” (is this also because I love the song New Year's Day?? perhaps…)

@kscheibles; “e la vita” is so stunning I don't even know how to verbalise it. That fic has a portion of my heart FOREVER. But college bf! Matty is truly the man we all deserve, and I am obsessed with him.

@think0fmehigh; molly!!! My love!!! What else is there to say about Molly other than she might be my fav filthy smut writer on this app, and thats a tough competition. Every time I get a snippet in DM’s from her, I feel like one of the luckiest human beings alive. Molly does not have a bad fic (despite her protests im sure) but my top two (because I CANT CHOOSE JUST ONE) have to be “Birthday Girl” and “You Get Me So High.” but honestly if you have the time, bless your life by reading every word she's ever written.

@controlmyfeet; DAD MATTY FIC. thats all I even need to say, it is SO SWEET and it makes me so happy!!!!

@bfiaflbox; sooooo much good content, but my favourites are “Wintering” and “Tonight I Wish I Was Your Girl” !!

@nowshesdoingitallthetime; kirke. This is me BEGGING for more bartender matty!!! “Cocktails, Cowboys and back alleys” is MWUAH MWUAH MWUAH. Bartender Matty is a need, I adored every second of that fic.

@wiintring; I NEED more from Christina!!! Her writing is all wonderful, and “Come here dressed in black now” does live in my mind!!! 

@grocerystorelist; “body of Christ” is made for the religious trauma girlies and the fleabag girls. PREIST MATTY DRIVES ME CRAZYYYYY. Leila is so talented, it's crazy.

@forcryingoutlloud; wowwowwowwow the smutty content on this blog… its sooooooo good. “Beg for it” and “greedy” did melt my brain in the absolute best way, like I was genuinely SWEATING at how hot it was. As is everything on her masterlist!!

@hrryshoney; gyno! Matty unlocked a whole new side to me that I had NO IDEA was there. Like… insane. And the newest photographer reader fic also drove me CRAZY because I do love a cocky fictional man and some semi-public sex…

@the1975attheirverybest; Halla’s blog is a great place for discussion, good writing and crazy intelligent analysis of the band. “Education” and “being funny in a foreign language” are just… art. Truly. The character of Amelia and the characterisation of Matty are some of my favourites on this app. Hot smut, good writing and a lovely human being- what else do you need hellooo?? (also the pegging blurb from ages ago… yeah I think about her A LOT.)

@sugar-coat-it; FILTY, AMAZING SMUT. literally, every piece on Belle’s masterlist is worth reading 100 times over. Her newest thigh-riding blurb has been rotting my brain, I can't stop going back to it and reading it. Also, the Kylo Ren fic… mask kink unlocked fr. and the matty helping you deepthroat fic is also incredible. (can I just name everything she's done orrr???)

@cinomn; Nina has some great content, and I would genuinely recommend anything!! My favourite has to be “Summer Nights”, but it's a TOUGH competition tbh!!

@noacfslut; THE WRITING SPEED ON THIS BLOG?? MIND BOGGILING. And not only is Elle speedy, but every fic all absolutely wonderful. “Jealousy jealousy” and “undo” are my favourites, but that might change when I get the chance to read her mechanic au, because from what I've heard, it's also extraordinary.

[heyidkyay]

I guess I’ll take this pain, instead of your name |

Part Twenty-Two

Butterflies, summertime, all belong to your creation!

A/n: HII:) The whole band is finally in Spain and I'm really hoping that everyone enjoys this chapter, it took a while to piece together, had to look back at old parts too many times to count, but there's finally some well deserved cuteness and fluff in here! I think this has one of my favourite G and Birdie encounters yet... Anyway, hope you like it x

Summary: In life, things changed. The boys you'd once grown up with were men now, and famous ones at that. The type that toured the world and had millions of adoring fans.

The five of you shared a shit ton of history. But you also shared a lot of mixed emotions for one of them in particular, a certain drummer.

Warnings: TOO MANY EMOTIONS, little bit of dark humour I hope no one takes offence to, mentions of anxiety and inner struggles, touches on a bad relationship with a parent(/family), BUT there finally is some fluff!!

Masterlist

--

Outside, it was warm and lovely, but inside the villa… it was anything but.

Since I’d gotten home the previous afternoon, with even more medication strapped under my belt and a freshly printed release form in hand, the atmosphere had been tense.

George was staying with us- that was probably the quickest way to explain things.

What with the whole band coming to Tenerife and a villa far too big for just two people, it only made sense for all the boys to crash there too. Plus, Matty had made the argument about them making use of the space to work on their album, knowing full-well I still felt guilty about the whole ordeal. 

It had been cruel, but it’d worked, and so I’d come home from the hospital to find George’s suitcase in the room one over from mine and a ginormous pair of shoes in the entryway.

The latter had stilled me in place when I’d first spotted them, bringing back one too memories as I’d stumbled in through the front door. Matty’s excited chatter had been the only thing to draw me back to the present, as he’d called out to George, who’d made himself quite at home on the settee, whilst simultaneously planning things with Hann, who was on the phone.

I’d gone straight to bed after that, feigning exhaustion, which Matty had believed but George had raised an eyebrow to. He’d known better than to question it though, especially with the thin ice he was currently treading on, but I’d felt his eyes follow me all the way up the stairs.

Today was a new day though. I’d woken up, showered, made myself a light breakfast (doctors orders), which had gone down quite well with the new anti-sickness tablets they had me taking, as well as the stronger dose of pain relief I'd been given. I was ready for anything it could throw at me. 

Matty had barrelled down the stairs not long after though, talking a mile a minute about flights and times and some other nonsense I hadn't been able to make out. I’d actually had to ask George what he’d been going on about when the giant had rolled in from the patio outside.

He hadn’t looked like he’d slept much, but it’d been hard to tell from behind the big black sunnies he wore. And I’d bit my tongue to keep from asking just how long exactly he’d been out there, whether or not he’d avoided coming back in once he’d spotted me downstairs at the kitchen counter. 

Turned out though, both Ross and Hann were already at Heathrow airport and boarding a direct flight to Spain. Hann had just texted Matty saying that they’d be landing in the next couple hours, or so he hoped. 

Which is what ultimately led to me waiting on the front-step of the villa like an excited little kid, waiting for the two to pull up, but also using it as an avid excuse to avoid George further. 

It wasn’t long before the sound of tires had my head lifting just in time to spot a sleek car coming to a slow stop at the curb. I grinned at the first man who emerged from the backseat of the cab and hurried my way down to meet them.

“Wahey! Look who it is!” Ross exclaimed with a big grin once he spotted me, hair brushing against the length of his shoulders whilst his squinted eyes, hidden behind brown lenses, took me in. He opened his arms out wide as I approached and was gentle with me when I leapt into them, chuckling as he spun the two of us around.

“I can’t believe you’re actually here!” I breathed into his neck, unable to dampen my sudden rush of happiness.

I squeezed him once more before he finally dropped me down onto the balls of my bare feet. The pavement was warm beneath them, but not hot enough to have me prancing about like a prat trying to avoid burning the soles. Matty had learnt that lesson the hard way our second day here, when he’d made the mistake of going out to pick up a takeaway with no shoes on.

“Couldn’t let the three of you have all the fun now, could we?” My head darted away from Ross and quickly over in the direction of the boot, just in time to see Hann rounding it.

“Adam!” I was quick to rope him into a giant hug too, asking after Carly and about the things I’d missed back home just as Matty and George sauntered their way down the drive.

“Fuckin’ hell.” Ross whistled once Matty had slipped the cab driver a few euros and the car had begun to pull away. I glanced over in time to find him staring up at the house. “You said it was big, but this is maddening.”

Matty snorted whilst I sidled up next to the bearded bassist, his reaction had been similar to that of mine. “Thought you’d be used to this sort of thing now. What with being in a big band and having Matthew here as your frontman, the diva.”

The rest of the guys chuckled when Matty swatted at my arm, but I merely shrugged him off before I made my way over to where a lone suitcase stood. I’d just been about to grasp at the handle when, almost on command, all four men cried out causing me to jump away from the thing with my hands surrendered.

My eyes were wide when I turned back to them, “What the fuck! Is there a bomb or summat in there?”

“No,” Hann dragged out around an airy chuckle, skirting by me to grab it instead, I frowned when none of the guys made the slightest huff at the action. “It’s alright I’ll get it.”

My brow only furrowed further when I made a grab for one of the duffles that had been left on the curb, before it was hastily swept up by a smiling Matty. I chewed at the insides of my cheeks to keep from screaming.

“I’m not going to break, you know?” I told the four of them sternly, looking each one of them in the eye. “I can carry a fucking bag inside.”

“Yeah, but you shouldn’t have to.” Matty retorted, grinning like that had been the right thing to say to me just then.

My chest rose with my next irritated breath, but Ross was there wrapping an arm around my shoulders before I could release it. 

“Alright! Show me this pool then, hey? Haven’t stopped thinking about it since you first showed me, practically dreamt I was swimming in it on the flight over.” He told me, leading us further away, and reluctantly I allowed it, muttering under my breath whilst the rest of them debated amongst themselves on how to lug the bags in without Ross’s help.

This was going to be long trip.

—

“What’s with the evil eye?”

I jumped slightly at the sound of Ross’s voice, glancing up at him when he came to stand just over my shoulder, my brow pinched. 

“Do you always have to eat apples like that?” I questioned him, wrinkling my nose as I swiped my upper arm free from a mixture of fruit juice and Ross slobber, “Right over me too.”

Ross grinned, uncaring. “And what’s wrong with the way I eat apples?”

“Horses are more civilised.” I rebuked and he snorted in turn.

“But you wouldn’t change me for the world though.” Ross replied with a sarky smile, wrapping one arm over my shoulder and around my collar, “Just like I wouldn’t change you bein’ a moody mare.”

I pursed my lips but didn’t shove him away. “I’m not moody, just hot.”

Ross hummed and I knew that he knew I was lying- although, it was growing warmer and warmer the more minutes that passed.

“So that glare you’ve got going on is just for the heat, yeah? Not the twat sat over there in that deck chair?”

I’d been made. With a heavy sigh I crossed my arms over my chest and fought against the petulant pout that wanted to overtake my features.

“He’s sat right under my tree, Ross!” I groaned, sounding like a toddler on the verge of a tantrum. The bassist laughed and I allowed my body to melt further into his embrace, letting him hold me up.

“Sort of recognise it now you’ve said.” He murmured, then I felt him shrug, “Just go and tell him to piss off if you want it back.”

I pulled a face.

“What, why not?” Ross chuckled down at me, I ignored the loud chomp he made just above my head.

“I’m avoiding him.” I told him simply.

“Oh really? How’s that going for you then?” He asked sarcastically. 

It was my turn then to shrug, which was a hard task considering I was still cocooned in his arms. “How’d you think.”

Ross snorted softly, “Ten days, muggins. Ten days and you’ll be home free.”

I groaned again, slumping as I felt my head fall back and eyes close. “Isn’t it bad enough me feeling so crap? What did I do to deserve this much karma?”

“Definitely a serial killer in another life.”

I frowned at the quick answer Ross gave and lifted my chin up to better see him. “You had that on hand.”

He gave me a lopsided grin, “It’s that smile you get when someone’s pissed you off.”

I laughed, knowing what he meant, and relaxed again. 

We paused there for a moment, basking in the peace, before Ross went to speak again, his voice softer than it had been. “You in much pain then?”

I inhaled slowly, already regretting having brought up that I felt crap. “Just all these pills.”

His arm tightened its hold so that his free hand could squeeze my bicep. “Don’t have to pretend with me, yeah? If shit gets too much, let me know.”

I wanted to roll my eyes, thinking about how the rest of the guys had begun walking on eggshells around me again, but his offer was too sincere. “Really I’m okay.” I assured him instead, then tried for another laugh, “Just want me tree back.”

He did chuckle and I squirmed slightly when he knocked his chin into the side of my head, tickling my ear.

“Well then, let’s go piss G off.” He decided, loosening his hold to drag me off towards the garden. “If we try hard enough, maybe he’ll just sod off and we won’t have to say a word to him.”

“Fingers crossed.” I laughed.

—

By early evening Ross and Hann’s first day here, we were all getting ready to walk ourselves into town, the guys having decided amongst themselves that they wanted to go out for dinner and see the sights after we’d been cooped up all day.

I’d thrown on a strappy midi dress, something that hid a lot of skin but still kept me cool, and paired it with a pair of light samba’s to match. I was just tying the laces on them, perched on the bottom step of the staircase and listening to everyone else rush about getting ready, when someone trailed down behind me.

I knew it was him without looking, immediately having recognised the falls of his feet, but the hesitant pause about midway had also been a dead giveaway. 

It made sense that it’d be him though. The two of us had always been the first ones ready, it’d been an ongoing thing for years now, and typically we’d make proper use of the time we got alone together before the chaos truly started. 

I fought the urge to reminisce on shared kisses and quiet whispers in crowded hallways as I slid over a tad to accommodate him, figuring he’d just slip by me and wait in the lounge for the rest of them. But it was just as I’d finished tying my first shoe that he sat down beside me. 

Immediately I stilled at the gesture, but that was the only response I gave his unanticipated presence, swallowing down whatever confusion I felt before I tugged at my remaining lace.

Breathing shallow, I could see his fingers tapping away aimlessly against the side of his knee next to me, just out of the corner of my eye. Most believed that the tic related to his job as a drummer, tap tap tap, and in a way I suppose it did, but those who knew him, knew better. Drumming was just something George could always revert back to, something he found solace in, it gave him a moments peace in the mayhem his mind created. That tapping was a nervous habit sure, although other times it helped him to keep track of his countless thoughts.

I tried not to glance over at him, even as I struggled with my right shoelace- you’d have thought I’d have figured out how to tie them with a cast on by now, but no. It was still a task and a half. 

I grew frustrated easily, muttering under my breath when the aglet got caught again on the plastic which encased my palm. “Fucking can’t wait to get you off.”

George’s loud and obnoxious snort made me jump, which inevitably caused me to fumble with the lace. I shot him a heated glare at the fact that I'd have to start over again. 

“What’s so funny?”

Looking at him now, even in the dim entryway light, I could finally see everything I’d been missing out on from the distance I’d created between us. The moles that dotted this side of his face, the faint stubble which now lined his jaw and chin, the squinting of his eyes as he struggled to dampen his growing amusement.

“Nothing.” He replied, though it was said around a huffy chuckle that he hadn’t meant to let escape. I raised a brow in retort and he relented quicker than I was used to. Normally he loved to bicker with me, really got a kick out of it. “Just, what you said innit.”

My forehead furrowed and I thought back to the words I’d said, before it finally hit me. I couldn’t help the reluctant laugh that bubbled from my lips, but I rolled my eyes at him with a minute smile. “Yeah well, you should be so lucky.”

He hummed softly and I had to look away then, instead choosing to focus back on my shoe. Two loops were typically easier than one these days and, if I didn’t fumble with the left lace too much, I could usually just adjust the tightness it once I’d finally tucked it through. 

I bit back an unearthly grunt when it slipped through my fingers again, far past the road of regret for having not just thrown on a pair of sandals.

“Here, let me.” I heard George say and before I knew what was happening, he’d gently taken hold of my ankle and pulled it up over his knee. 

I was quick to hold down the end of my dress, not wanting it to ride up, and swallowed past the lump which had rapidly formed in the back of my throat at the action. We weren’t meant to be talking, he wasn’t even supposed to be here, let alone tying my laces for me! 

I inhaled sharply at the feel of his thumb pressing against my skin. 

“I could do it myself.” I muttered to him quietly. He nodded, deft fingers fast as they wrapped themselves around a laced loop and tugged, tying a perfect bow.

“I know.” He replied just as softly, then peered over at me, and I wondered, briefly, what he saw.

A loud thump directly above us had us both startling out of whatever staring contest we’d lost ourselves in and I was quick to take back my leg, resettling myself in the position I’d taken earlier, actively avoiding meeting his eye. “Thanks.”

George coughed lightly but didn’t make the effort to move away like I thought he would. I fiddled with the straps of my dress for a moment, and it was then that my eyes seemed to make their way back over to him on their own accord.

He was dressed nicely, I noted. Clad in a light linen shirt, a contrast to all the black I’d seen him in lately, and a pair of washed blue jeans. I had to stop myself from reaching out towards him when my gaze finally caught the butterfly that had been embroidered into the thigh. It was bright, pretty. 

“I like the jeans.” I found myself stating, and although I kept my head trained towards the floor, I felt his gaze skitter over towards me.

“Got them last tour.” He murmured, fingernail picking at a stitch on top of the butterfly’s left wing. “Weird though, ’cause I thought of you when I first saw ‘em.”

Internally I screamed to myself. Why did he have to go and add that detail?

Then mindlessly my hand came to a rest on the right side of my ribcage, where we both knew a tiny butterfly tattoo was hidden away. Only now it was framed by scars, none of which he’d seen. 

“Oi, Hann where did you say my roll-on was again?” Came Matty’s loud shout from the landing just above us and I peered up to find him dangling over the banister, as though he figured it would further his voice the closer he got to the opposing door.

“In the bathroom cabinet!” Adam responded, far enough away that I strained to even hear it.

“The fuck you put it in there for?” Muttered Matty, exhaling a heavy huff as he started to push himself off of the banister, but that was when he caught sight of the two of us down below. He shot George and I the cheekiest smirk. “‘Ello, what’s all this then? Do I smell reconciliation in the air?”

I rolled my eyes, but my left ear had started ringing just after his hello and the sound of his voice quickly became muted. With a wince, I raised a hand and pressed a finger to the outer shell, something that typically helped dull the incessant sound.

Peering back up, I saw that Matty was no longer there and so I looked to George to see if I could read much of his expression, determine whether or not the curly haired twat had made the situation we were in any more uncomfortable.

But when I did, George was already looking back at me, hooded eyes trained on the hand I held against my ear, as well as my undeniable grimace. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked and I made it out, only just, by focusing on his lips.

“Ringing.” I said and realised I’d spoken a bit too loudly when his head jerked back a tad, apparently having caught him off guard. “Sorry, just- don’t worry, it’ll go in a sec.”

George’s worried eyes darted between mine when he nodded, and my face grew warm at the thought of him having to witness me like this. I went to stand, an excuse about needing some air already on the tip of my tongue, before he caught me. I glanced down to where his fingers gently brushed against the skin of my arm.

“What do you need?”

I blinked, surprised by the question.

I went to shake my head, wave him off, but his face turned imploring. “Come on, just tell me.”

The ringing felt like a tidal wave had just been funnelled through my ear canal and the sharp pain, which usually accompanied it, shot down my jaw. I didn’t care for the fact that it was George stood there anymore, or how his persona had shifted so quickly when he’d seen the distress I was suddenly in. So I let him help. I let him in.

“Pain relief.” I told him through gritted teeth. “Kitchen side.”

He dipped his head once, squeezed my elbow, then hurried off.

I, in turn, simply slumped against the staircase. Damning every deity there might’ve been for the position they’d put me in.

“Fucks sake.”

—

George had been shooting me looks all evening long. I couldn’t tell if they were of concern or question, but they were hard to ignore and even harder to avoid. 

I hadn’t mentioned the ringing I’d felt to anyone and he’d followed suit, which was something I’d much appreciated, and the whole thing had died down by the time we’d made it out the door. Though, I was still wary.

The five of us had crowded ourselves around a wooden table on the deck of a Grillhouse that sat a stretch away from the sand, it hadn’t been the first restaurant we’d passed by but was on the first street we’d wandered down. The weather was warm enough to sit out the front too, under a gazebo littered with a string of yellow fairy-lights and a long lit fire-pit. 

After settling in, we’d mainly just ordered both cold and hot tapas to pass around and share, and the guys had gotten a couple of pitchers for the table, which I’d stayed clear of. Matty, on the other hand, had folded like a deck of cards and claimed that ‘our little trip’ had ended almost three hours ago now. I’d shaken my head and laughed outwardly, stating that he’d failed to stay sober the second he’d chosen to have those glasses of cava two nights prior.

It had been nice though, sat around laughing and talking with them all. We hadn’t done something like it since my birthday dinner at Matty’s house all those weeks ago, and even then it’d been almost a year and a half before that. George and I were to blame for it, I knew that, but it was just so lovely being there with the four of them that I couldn’t bring myself to point fingers or blame. I just wanted to enjoy my time with them, not knowing how many more moments we’d get to do it again.

Ross throwing his napkin onto the table had sounded the end of dinner bell and so we’d paid and left the owner with a hefty tip for having put up with all our antics and rowdy party. Then started our walk back through the town.

“Oh, we’re so going in there!” Matty piped up the second he spotted a nightclub ahead and the lads were been quick to surrender, not that they’d put up much of a fight, most of them down to grab a couple more drinks and listen to some music. Knowing Matty and Ross they’d probably be looking for someone to take home too. 

I didn’t want to dampen the night, but I knew if I stayed with them I’d only ruin their fun. Plus, my head and ears wouldn’t thank me for it later.

So I begged off. “You know what, I’m gonna head back to the house, I’m knackered after all that food.” I laughed lightly, pressing a hand to my stomach. 

Hann and Ross were quick with their offers to join me, the latter already making plans to curl up on the sofa with a film on the giant tele, but then Matty started claiming that he’d walk me back to the villa and rejoin the lot of them later, which the other two had looked sort of okay with. But I’d hastily waved away each of their plans, not wanting to be a burden.

“No, you lot have fun. Enjoy Spain for me, yeah?” I grinned broadly, “I can grab a cab. I’m only gonna head straight to bed anyway.”

“But-” Both Ross and Matty attempted, I just shook my head.

“Honestly. I’ll be fine. More concerned about you idiots.”

The lot of them didn’t look too fond over the idea of me leaving on my own, but then George pocketed the phone he’d been so focused on during our walk over and stepped over the line of divide I’d made.

“I’m gonna go back too. Can’t be fucked with all the people, heads banging after those shots we had too.” He told them, surprising not only me but the rest of the boys as well.

“You sure, man?” Matty quizzed, brown eyes darting suspiciously over to where I stood for a split second.

George nodded at him, humming. “‘Course. Plus, I think we’ve already been made.”

We all followed the direction he’d jutted his chin in and spotted a trio of girls who’d just stumbled their way out of the club, one with their mobile already out, the other two giggling as they gawped at our group. 

Almost immediately I felt uncomfortable knowing that their eyes were on us. Which was new for me where fans were concerned. I frowned at the feeling, but then George was saying something in reply to Hann and the other three were parting ways from us, leaving George to turn and silently nod his head down the street at me.

I stepped over to join him, ignoring the becking calls I heard from behind us as we trailed back the way we’d came.

Once the shouts had finally died out and there weren’t too many large drunken groups swanning about, I had to fight to keep myself from questioning George on just what his motives had been when he’d offered to accompany me back to the house.

Albeit saying that, just because I was biting my tongue, didn’t mean that George had gotten the same memo. I looked over to him when I heard him speak.

“Want one?” He asked, and my gaze flitted down towards the Spanish pack of Camel’s he’d extended out towards me.

I wasn’t really supposed to be smoking, they’d said it would affect the healing process even weeks after surgery. And so I hadn’t touched one since the accident. Even Matty had avoided smoking around me, went to the struggle of changing clothes too whenever he’d gone through a couple whilst having been out. It’d been hard, to stop so abruptly. Even though I hadn’t been the world’s heaviest smoker, being told not to do something only made me crave it ten times harder.

So I stared down at the pack for more than a reasonable amount of time, enough to make George pause and question his offer.

“You can say no.”

I blinked and glanced up at his face, to the cigarette dangling from his bottom lip, then back down.

I didn’t want to say no, especially with the way my skin was still crawling from the few lingering looks the band typically garnered, but I couldn’t bring myself to actually do it.

So now we were at an odd sort of standstill. The two us stopped in the middle of a quiet little street, only lamps to light the way. He stood directly beneath one, gaze trained on me. My own flickered away from the pack and down to the slight movement his right hand made, where he’d just pulled something from his back pocket.

“Are you even allowed?” George asked me after a while and I wanted to shed an actual tear when he tucked the Camel’s back into his jeans to cradle a hand around the fag he had in his mouth. 

I went to nod but hesitated, unsure, then felt my head tilt sideways when I caught a glimpse of the shiny metal he held, it glinted under the light of the streetlamp.

“Why do you still have that?” I questioned him as he proceeded to light his cigarette, then watched when he lowered the lighter to peer down at it.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

What was with all these questions? Why could neither one of us just give the other a straight answer?

“‘Cause I gave it to you.” I replied, voice quiet as I took in the familiar smell of smoke that released from his parted lips.

“Exactly.” George said, flicking the old lighter over in his palm a few more times, eyes drifting up towards me again.

“You kept it because I gave it to you?” I asked for clarification, brows knitting together.

He looked back at me as though he thought I was stupid for even asking, then shrugged. “It was your dad’s. It meant something to him, then it meant something to you. Now it means something to me.”

I swallowed thickly. He was the most bewildering person I knew. Even when I felt like I had him figured out, he’d toss a spanner into the works. 

“Can I?”

His forehead pinched at my question, then he held the lighter out towards me. I just shook my head, I knew that lighter better than the back of my own hand, having carried it around with me for more than half a decade. I didn’t need it, nor did I want it. I’d gifted it to him and, as much as he’d hurt me, I still loved him. Always would. He was George.

“No,” I said and then gestured to his mouth. His eyebrows lifted but was quick to dip his head at the ask, taking the cigarette from between his lips to hold out towards me. I took it cautiously and held it between my fingertips for a second, “Sort of like riding a bike, ain’t it?”

George started to cough when the smoke he’d just inhaled got caught in the back of his throat as he laughed. “Sort of.” He chuckled, still coughing away as he slapped a hand against his chest, “Fuckin’ hell, Birdie.”

I couldn’t help the grin I wore as I watched on, then started to walk again, pressing the end of the cigarette to my lips. I only inhaled a small amount and savoured the strange but familiar taste, glancing back over my shoulder to blow a trail of smoke at George who’d quickly caught up with his long legs.

I took another drag, a bigger one this time, and let my eyes fall close at the release it gave me before I made myself pass it back to him.

“Much easier than riding a bike.” I deemed, smiling around a ring of smoke and looking over at him when he chuckled again.

“Probably.” George reasoned, staring down at the pink embering flame. “So, why’re you really headed back then?”

“Could ask you the same.” I quipped in retort, watching my feet trail over broken cobblestones. 

George hummed, was quiet for a minute, then tried again, “Alright, how’s this then, I ask you a question, you answer, you ask me a question, I answer. You only get to skip one.”

I narrowed my eyes in thought. This could be just what I’d been hoping for all those weeks ago, back at George’s, but I wondered if I even wanted to know now. If I was better not.

With a shrug, I levelled him with a look. “Any other rules?”

“Have to tell the truth.”

“Obviously.” 

He pursed his lips at my interruption but carried on like I hadn’t spoken. “And the questions end the second we reach the house.”

I thought it over and supposed that was fair. It wasn’t much of a walk back, but there’d be enough time to get a couple good questions in.

“Alright. Who goes first?”

George took another drag, hummed, then gestured towards me. “Ladies first and all that.”

Ever the gentleman. 

I huffed a tiny chuckle, then said, “Fine, favourite colour?” George gave me a bewildered look, as if to say really? And so I shrugged at him, smiling. “Figured we’d start off easy.”

His eyes trailed between my own. “Green.”

I nodded. It’d had always been green, so I guess it was nice to know that at least that hadn’t changed.

“Did you really fancy Andy Lough in year eleven?”

His question caught me so off guard that I released an ugly snort. 

“Oh yeah,” I exaggerated, “All those muscles and the fact that he only ever talked about rugby, proper got me going.”

“Can’t lie, remember.” George grinned at me and so I rolled my eyes, wearing a small smile of my own. 

“I was teasing, Daniel.” I replied with a drawn out sigh, “But fine, no I didn’t.”

He hummed. “Knew it.”

I shook my head at him, then remembered it was my go. “Erm, so did you ever make up with your mum?”

His attention darted towards me at that, like a rubber band snapping back into place. 

“Okay, so I guess we’re easing away from easy now…”

I almost wanted to apologise but didn’t, he had a skip. If he wanted to, he could not answer. And besides, I was curious. Had been since I’d brought her up at his the night of the accident. 

George’s mum was very much a sensitive topic, and although she’d always liked me, I’d struggled to form much of a connection to her, or any of George’s immediate family for that matter. He hardly ever saw them, never even spoke much about them either, but when he did, it was only in a fits of irritation, or anger.

George was quiet for a few steps and for a moment I really believed that he was going to use his skip. But then he cleared his throat lightly, “We did and we didn’t.”

I glanced over at him, curious, but found him staring out at the dark blue that had stained the sky just over the hill.

“She couldn’t get over me being away so much. Having my name in the papers and online. She hated it, said it made her look bad.” He divulged and took another long drag, “When we argued over it, that last time, she said some shit. It was hard to hear. And my dad, he didn’t say a word about it. Just let her get away with it. We’ve spoken since but haven’t really seen each other.”

“What about Christmas?” I couldn’t help but ask him. 

George turned to me with a convincing enough smirk then. “My go, remember?”

"What do you mean, wasn't that your question?” I smart-mouthed, but he was always quick on the uptake.

“Ah, and now it’s just come back to me.”

I shook my head and chuckled. “Go on then.”

“That doctor,” He begun and already I wanted to groan. Really? He’d waste a question on something as awkward as this? It would seem so because he really did. “What’s up with you and him?”

I wrapped my arms around myself, mostly to ward off the nippy air that had crept up on us, but perhaps as a precautionary measure too, already feeling a spike in my anxiety.

“We met before he was my doctor.” I revealed, aiming for nonchalance, “We bumped into each other whilst I’d been waiting for Matty. He was nice, we spoke for a while. But the next time I saw him was when I ended up in hospital. Didn’t even know he was a doctor ’til then.”

“So you’re not seeing him?” George asked and I raised an eyebrow at his cheek to even try.

“One, that’s none of your business. Two, it’s my go, remember?” I smirked as I repeated his words back to him. He relented easily enough. “Okay. Um, why’d you lie about LA when we split?”

The cigarette we’d shared had since burnt down to a stub and I watched on as George kicked the butt away with his foot, hands tucking themselves into the back pockets of his jeans.

“I don’t know really.” And he shrugged as best he could with the way he’d restrained himself, staring off again. “First thing that came to mind I ‘spose and, I don’t know, sounded like the best idea at the time. LA, I could work, keep my mind off things, party and just forget.”

I swallowed thickly. Forget what? I wanted to ask, but it wasn’t my turn.

“Ended up ‘round Ross’s didn’t I?” George went on, “Camped out there for weeks. Was a proper cunt to me about it, too. Switched off the hot water whenever he was home and I was in the shower. Made me take the bins out and wash his shit-stained pants. Pretty sure he even combed his beard with my toothbrush too, though he never did admit it.”

I snorted, unable to help the path my mind strayed to, “Could’ve just as easily been his pubes.”

The grimace that morphed George’s entire face had me howling with laughter. 

“Why’d you have to go and say that!” He cried and I struggled to breathe a tad, ended up almost stumbling into him as we continued walking, but I caught the crook of his elbow just before I could. 

He was still looking a little queasy at the thought, though he was chuckling away now as well.

I couldn’t help myself. “I’m sorry, I am. But knowing Ross…”

“Yeah, yeah.” George was quick to bat my comment away, obviously not wanting to think about it much more than he already had. He untucked his hand from his pocket then and neither one of us said a thing about it when we silently decided to keep our arms linked. “Fucking hell, really do not want to be thinking about my tongue having been anywhere near-”

He cut himself off with a gagging sort of sound and I was grinning so hard it’d started to hurt.

“Awh! I bet Ross looks after all his downstairs bits though, you know, seeing how perfectly well-kept his beard is.”

“Birdie, please.” George all but begged, wincing at my words, “Change the subject.”

I eased up. “Fine, but only because I’m so lovely.”

He scoffed, “Yeah and someday I’ll win a BAFTA.”

“Oi, you could.” I defended with a faint slap to his bicep. “You’ve got the face for it. Could see you in loads of films.”

“Oh yeah?” George smirked, fishing for another compliment, I figured. “Playing what?”

“Stroke victim or summat.”

He gaped and then glared at me, but smiled when I laughed.

“I’m just joking, G. Christ, don’t go taking my head off.” George was silent for a second and I peered up to find him already watching me. I furrowed my brow. “What?”

“Just, ’s been a while since you last called me that.” He murmured and I felt my chest tighten at the expression he wore. 

G. It’d been the name I’d dubbed him with way back when, something which had caught on quick… Those 1975 boys were a bunch of thieves, I tell you, they'd even pinched their own band name. 

I shrugged a shoulder at him, trying to act like it’d been nothing more than a slip. “You gonna go then? Pretty sure it’s your turn.”

“Right.” George remembered, the glint in his eye gone now as he turned to look ahead. “Um, alright, why’d you really want to leave tonight then?”

“Oh,” I was honestly surprised that he’d even remembered the question that’d started this whole charade off, let alone realise that he actually cared to know. I licked at my lower lip and then took a deep breath. “Truth?” I exhaled, the word falling from my mouth before I could stop myself, trailing out into the wind.

He nodded.

“Alright, so since the um,” I struggled to find another word for it, but realised that there probably weren’t many. “After the accident…” 

I felt George tense beside me but decided to continue on anyway. He had asked and I was yet to utilise my skip. 

“Basically I’ve had a lot of trouble with my head, migraines and all that. I hit it pretty hard the first time around, they reckoned I must’ve flown at least a couple of feet-”

“I know.”

My breath hitched at his quiet comment and I attempted to keep my cool, to carry on like he hadn’t said a word, like he hadn’t just said that.

“I, yeah, right well, when I hit it, it did a bit more damage than they first realised. The impact perforated my eardrum or something of the like. Could hardly hear out of the left side for ages after I woke up, kept buzzing and ringing, sounded like it did when you’d hold a seashell up to your ear at the beach when you were a kid, only worse.”

“And now?” He prompted, our feet moving like clockwork. Left and then right, again and again.

“Just happens whenever now. Struggle to hear out of it properly most of the time, but the doctors say it could heal. I dunno about that though.”

“Why not?”

I sighed quietly, mostly to myself, hand still gripping at his arm. “Not sure, the pain I guess. And the fact that it hasn’t eased up since.”

George hummed and surprised me when he laid his hand over my own, fingers longer than mine, hiding them beneath his. “Is that what happened, you know, earlier?”

With a nod I found myself replying easily, “Yeah. After I fainted, they’ve been ringing more and more frequently. Louder now too. Alvaro says is post-concussion syndrome, that I’ll just have to suffer through until it heals on its own.”

I shrugged the shoulder not pressed against George’s side.

“Could be worse, I ‘spose.” 

And George, he squeezed my hand tightly, tight enough to whiten the skin of his knuckles whilst he just nodded in retort. He kept quiet for a long while after.

It was just as the familiar hill, the villa hid behind, came into view that he spoke up again.

“Reckon we’ve got time for one more question. Your go, ain’t it?”

I glanced up at him, it was late and the stars were out, being stood there with him brought back a lot of emotions. Memories of us in Denise’s back garden, on the curb outside my house when I’d locked us out, in the backseat of his tiny Corsa, curled up on the grassy fields behind the school...

"Instead of a question, can I have a promise?”

“Isn’t that a question in itself?” He teased, but must’ve seen the look on my face because he was quickly nodding, “Yeah, you can have a promise, Birdie.”

It was an effort to tear my gaze away from his, but I couldn’t just ask and risk seeing his reaction if it went wrong. 

We’d long since stopped walking, so I took a deep breath and felt his hand squeeze mine again. “Can you just promise me that tomorrow, when you’re sober and had time to sleep on it, that you’ll finally consider telling me everything?”

His breath hitched at my words and I forced my eyes to find the floor.

“And when I say everything, George, I really mean it. Even the stuff that hurts. Especially the stuff that hurts.”

George didn’t reply straight away. Actually I’m not sure how much time passed before I felt his fingertips skim the skin of my jaw, drawing my gaze back.

He looked so serious when my eyes found his and for a moment everything fell away. The resentment I held, the struggle to heal, the cold that had long since wrapped its way around my fragile heart.

“I can make that promise.”

Part Twenty-Three>

[mybritishstyle]

i celebrate matty's existence every second of every day, but i know april 8th is like, the "official" day to celebrate him, so yeah, im gonna get pretty emotional here.

when i say he's my favourite person in the whole world, i really mean it. i wish i could put into words how he makes me feel .... you know that feeling when it's 3am and you're on the streets hanging out with your friends, you can see the stars, you can feel a cold wind in your hair, and you feel like live is worth living in that moment? and there's also a really great song playing in the background that makes you feel even better? yeah man, thats the feeling i have every time i look at matty. i know he's already been through a lot in his life, i know he has the strongest personality ever, i know he can be pretty annoying when he wants (oh god i hope he's not lurking here on tumblr today), but most of all, i know he's simply my favourite person ever. he always puts a smile on my face, his energy always makes mine better, and i know that i would go through the deepest lenghts of hell in a split second if that meant i would make him smile. i dont know if i'll ever feel this way about someone else in this life, and honestly, i hope not. anyways ... every day im grateful for matty's existence, and i wanna wish him the best of the birthdays today. babe... you look so cool ! 🖤💐💖

[tractorbeamofwoe]

Top ten favorite bands, feel free to vent about it

TEN?!? Oh god I’m not sure I even like ten bands 😭😭

okay so

1. Catfish

2. Inhaler (I’m scared cause I feel like I’m going off them slightly 🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️)

3. Symphonic Pictures. I know I literally talk ALL THE TIME about how much I love them but I do really love them both musically and yk...I have a big fat musical crush on Johnny bond but yeah as a musician I can really sort of pick apart their songs and think “yeah that’s what they were trying to do with this part and that’s what they were trying to do with that part”. Although they’re a mysterious little band and no matter how hard I try i don’t think I’ll ever truly understand their minds but it’s genius and it’s comforting to me. Their lyrics are so genuinely beautiful I’m obsessed with them. I adore the EP I could listen to it over and over and over and it’ll always be one of my favourites. They had so much potential with their unreleased ones as well but of course Van had to swoop in and put a stop to it all 😅 I still get really excited when I see Bondy and Dale hanging out together tho

4. Them Things. Another band that I would’ve liked to hear more from 💔💔 the Good Weird EP is another one of my all time favourites that I listen to a lot because it brings me a lot of comfort. The harmonies are so lush and the guitar riffs and Lou’s vocals are so brilliant oml he’s such a great frontman and even better live. I really hope I get to go see Chintzy Stetson in the near future cause the vibes are immaculate 👌🏻👌🏻 Out in the Rain is my fave Them Things unreleased and I’m so gutted we’ll never get a studio version but cause me and Lou are like twitter besties maybe I can ask him nicely for it ALSO LOU IS SUCH A LOVELY GUY LIKE HE’S UNHINGED BUT IF YOU TALK TO HIM HE’S SO FUCKING SWEET I LOVE THAT MAN 😭

5. Jango Flash. JACK’S ALSO A LOVELY MAN (as expected, he used to be in Them Things and everyone who was in Them Things is the certified nicest man in the world™️) And his vibes are so funky like his music videos are so creative 😭 Not one of my favourite live bands but tbf this is like their first tour practically so they can only get better from here 😁

6. This is where it gets a little fuzzy so hold on 😭😭 I guess I’d say The 1975? Haven’t listened to every single one of their songs but I went through a massive phase a couple years ago. Plus I just put them on when I need a bit of motivation and I need to get up and dance. I think at one point I was a very Matty type front woman but obvs now it’s Van lol. Also can’t forget they’re besties with Catfish.

7. Blossoms. Can’t say I’ve listened to all their songs either yet buttt they’re lovely lads and they absolutely send me especially on the podcast 😭 They’re also one of my music teacher’s favourite bands so we sort of talk about Blossoms a lot haha. And we’re covering Charlemagne this month so I’m very excited for that!!

8. The Native. PLUGGING MY HOMETOWN BAND!!! I’m yet to listen to all their songs but from what I’ve heard so far they‘ve deffo got potential. But I listened to an interview they did at Boardmasters the other day and OHMYGOD they said everything I’ve been thinking about the music scene down here and I’m so relieved. (e.g Artists never play down here, the furthest they go is Bristol or Exeter, there aren’t any bands to come out of here, the music scene down here is just generally pretty DIY). Another honourable mention from down here is Holloway, bunch of kids my age doing music stuff is very nice to see.

9. 5 Seconds of Summer. Hopefully going to see them next year lol. Only really sort of got into them just after Youngblood came out (So again, haven’t listened to their whole discography lol). I also love Luke’s solo stuff and if I ever experience Place In Me live I will lose. my. nut.

10. The Vamps. I hate saying it cause people think I’m cringe but they were essentially the first band I liked when I started really getting into music and I discovered so many other bands through them. Unfortunately I don’t really listen to them as much anymore cause I’m not a fan of their new album but anything from Meet The Vamps-Day Edition is like a massive part of my life from age like 12-14. They were the second concert I ever went to as well and Brad gave me a lil half peace sign half wave I am so in love with that man.

[rein-ette]

Tag nine people you’d like to catch up with or get to know better

ty @needcake!

akjsdnkcs tumbr isn't coopErating can't tag some ppl @mr-nauseam

@peonycats @bubblelounge

@daffodilscoraltree @rierin @brazilian-hot-mess IT AINT LETTING MEEEEEE anyone who wants to pls do it cuz there's like 4 other ppl i wanted to tag but i literally can't

favorite color? salmon, coral, rose golds (ex. Hex #DA796C)

currently reading: my attention span is shot so i've been slowly working my way through a couple

Embers of War by Fredrik Logevall, a pulitzer winner on the transition from french to american-led offensives in Vietnam. It's making me lowkey simp for Ho Chi Minh and idk how i feel ab that.

Iron Curtain: The Crushing of East Europe 1944-1956 by Anne Applebaum -- exactly what is says on the tin, also a national book award finalist. Can't read more than a chapter in one sitting cuz it gets super depressing.

Postwar: A History of Europe Since 1945 by Tony Judt -- a monster of a book that still captivates me with every page, it goes from 1945-2003ish and i'm 200+ pages in and only in the 50s :0 Also a pulitzer finalist and Council on Foreign Relations Ross Award winner

The Anthropocene Reviewed, by John Green -- nonfiction memoir/humour type in the form of short reviews. I dont read Green's fiction but I've listen to every episode of his podcast of the same name since it started and I'm an addict.

All highly recommended!!! I mention the awards in case you're like me and find new books by browsing relevant sections of book awards...does anyone else do that.

5 songs I’ve been listening to:

water color, by Wheein

Apple, by Gfriend (they're disbanding and my life is ending a lil)

How can i love the heartbreak, you're the one i love, AKMU (so many engport, sO mAnY eNGPORT fEeLS. This is my definitive sountrack to go to when I wanna write their relationship in the 1800s, bc it feels like Artie is literally airdropping his feelings into my f*cking brain, and I'm like. I gotchu. I. Got. You.)

Only You, by Huk Gak (the other half of the my engport holy duo, but this time its the 80s and its Port screaming his feelings at me. Though it works the other way too.)

Feel it Twice, by Camilla Cabello

last movie? I don't really watch movies often, but the last one was Ghibli's Up on Poppy Hill. Wholesome. 10/10, would recommend. I'm trying to finish all the Ghibli movies I haven't seen yet (I have like 3-4 left) but I'm afraid I wont be able to see my laptop screen through my tears when I watch Grave of the Fireflies. ;^;

last series? that I watched? I'm a pr hardcore Running Man (korea) fan. I watch every Sunday and I've seen at least 400 episodes out of the 500 something. Last series I finished: Brooklyn 99. 10000/10, one of my favourites of all time.

sweet, spicy, or savory? sweet, savoury and spicy at the same time. Like yangnyeom chicken. I'm not a big sweets/confections person though, so maybe spicy if i had to pick?

tea or coffee? both are neccesary for survival. (< do you see that restraint i didn't rant i dIDN'T)

currently working on:

a fraport fic. It's treating me the same way france and port treat their human flings -- that is, I'm completely emotionally invested, but it only deigns to give me attention, like, once a century.

the france and spain chapter of iacta alea est, but tbh i haven't thought about it as much as I shd.

A WW2 FIC! Will be part of a series including The Dark World is Not Far From Us. It's a Mattie and Artie uwu party! There's nedeng! there's norway

i did the whole world building thing for a hetalia x soul eater and a hetalia x tokyo ghoul crossover, but honestly idk if i'll ever write them.

[ladyherenya]

Books read in December

I set myself some reading goals for the end of the year -- finish any books I’d already started, read the books I'd already borrowed, and to read ebooks I’d bought before buying any more. But I guess most of those books just weren’t the right genre? A few exceptions aside, this month I read a bunch of other things instead.

Also read: The Frost Fair Affair and Holiday Brew by Tansy Rayner Roberts, and Sweetest in the Gale and 40-Love by Olivia Dade.

Reread: Love Lettering by Kate Clayborn and Bookish and the Beast by Ashley Poston.

Total: thirteen novels (including two audiobooks and two rereads), three novellas, and three story/novella collections.

Favourite cover: The cover was what caught my attention for Finding My Voice and Old Baggage.

Still reading: Between Silk and Cyanide by Leo Marks, Or What You Will by Jo Walton and The Disorderly Knights by Dorothy Dunnett.

Next up: A Most Improper Magick by Stephanie Burgis.

*

Queen’s Play by Dorothy Dunnett (narrated by David Monteath): In 1548, Francis Crawford of Lymond arrives in France, incognito in order to protect Scotland’s queen, seven-year-old Mary. I enjoyed this, even though I am not very interested in the antics of the French court and thought The Game of Kings benefitted from having more characters who I found wholly likeable and/or who matter, personally, to Lymond. Dunnett is an impressive storyteller -- vivid descriptions, lively dialogue, nuanced characters and twists that take me by surprise. Moreover, those satisfying puzzle pieces explain the plots and intrigue, give insight into personalities and develop the narrative’s themes (here, the consequences of power). 

The Kinship of Secrets by Eugenia Kim: In 1950, four year old Inja lives with her grandparents and uncle in Seoul, while her sister Miran is in America with their parents. War delays the family’s reunion. This is a fascinating portrayal of two sisters growing up in different countries, and an incredibly poignant story about a family separated. Compelling, and beautifully written, and despite moments of intense grief, hopeful. I liked how, in the end, Inja and Miran didn’t have all the answers.. But I wonder if I’d have found the ending more satisfying if I had a deeper understanding of who they both were as adults.

Teacup Magic series by Tansy Rayner Roberts:

Tea and Sympathetic Magic: Stephanie Burgis recommended this novella as something similar to her Harwood Spellbook series and it certainly has a similar appeal: romantic fantasy, bordering on comedy-of-manners territory. Like Georgette Heyer but with magic and diversity and an intention to challenge problematic and outdated attitudes. Charming and cosy, like a good cup of tea rather than a frothy hot chocolate. Miss Mnemosyne Seaborne, a reluctant guest at a houseparty. She joins forces with the other guests after an unexpected abduction occurs. Entertaining, and even though it was too short for me to really become invested, I immediately wanted to read the sequel.

The Frost Fair Affair: After her previous adventures, Mneme has new friends, a suitor and a campaign: overturning the social conventions which prevent women from travelling by portal. After someone in Town steals her political pamphlets, she gets caught up in a mystery. I enjoyed this oh so much! I found myself caring a lot more about Mneme and her relationships; I liked the mixture of intrigue and danger, and how in the cause of dealing with these, Mneme learns more about the man she hopes to marry; and the Frost Fair, on a frozen river, makes a delightful setting. I'd love to read more.

Belladonna U(niversity) series by Tansy Rayner Roberts:

Unreal Alchemy: Oh, this is my new favourite! Urban fantasy about Australian uni students who are connected to an indie rock band, Fake Geek Girl. These stories are funny, geeky and romantic, with great chapter titles and lots of fandom references. They employ different points of view and different narrative styles in a way that’s really effective. I love the characters and how important and intense their non-romantic relationships are. Between them they have a variety of romantic/sexual relationships and feelings, but friendships and familial relationships, like the one between twin sisters Hebe and Holly, also drive the narrative. The first collection contains four stories/novellas.

Fake Geek Girl -- Ferd moves into the Manic Pixie Dream House; Holly and Sage argue about the future of the band.

Unmagical Boy Story -- Viola has feelings about her best friend losing his magic, transferring colleges and making new friends.

The Bromancers --  The band and frriends spend a weekend at a magical music festival.

The Alchemy of Fine -- A prequel about the band’s origins.

Holiday Brew: This collection is more serious and less overtly fandom-y than the first, but arguably still very meta (especially if you consider Viola, Jules and Ferd as a response to the trio in Harry Potter). I sat down intending to read just one of these stories -- and ended up reading them all.

Halloween Is Not A Verb -- Holly invites various people to their mums’ place for Halloween.

Solstice on the Rocks -- A short story about university graduation.

Kissing Basilisks --  Begins on New Year’s Day, is compelling, and picks up the non-band-related narrative threads from Fake Geek Girl.

Missing Christmas by Kate Clayborn: This novella is loosely connected to Beginer's Luck but stands alone. It's sweet. Business partners and best friends Jasper and Kristen pay a last minute trip to a client and get trapped by a blizzard, which pushes them to reconsider the boundaries they’ve drawn in their relationship. I liked the moments which showed that they’re an effective team because they know each other so well and can communicate through subtle body language. 

Finding My Voice by Marie Myung-Ok Lee: Ellen is a Korean-American teenager in her final year of high school. Her story is about applying for college, gymnastics training, Ellen’s relationships with her best friend and her first boyfriend, dealing with racism at school and with her parents’ expectations that she will follow her sister to Harvard. It’s very short, first published in 1993. I was aware of all the places where a YA novel written today would be allowed to give more details and to expand the story, but it was still interesting.

The Magnolia Sword: A Ballad of Mulan by Sherry Thomas: I’ve borrowed this several times this year, only to return it unread each time, and I was starting to wonder if I really wanted to read it. But once I actually sat down and focused, I quickly realised that I definitely did! I became completely engrossed in this Mulan retelling. It’s a tense adventure. I enjoyed the characters and their interactions, particularly the elaborate courtesy of formal conversations, and the way Mulan and her companions value loyalty and camaraderie. I thought this was a very believable take on the whole girl-disguised-as-a-boy thing too.

Dear Mrs Bird by AJ Pearce: In 1940, Emmy wants a newspaper job but is instead typing up letters for a women’s magazine and discarding mail from readers whose problems are Unacceptable. Frustrated that Mrs Bird won’t offer advice to so many women in need, Emmy's tempted to take matters into her own hands. Her optimism means she makes some naive mistakes, some of which made me wince, but it’s also an incredible strength. She's delightful company. I really like how much of this story is about her friendship with Bunty and I enjoyed the insight into women's magazines and the Auxiliary Fire Service.

The Lonely Hearts Dog Walkers by Sheila Norton: Recently separated, Nicola moves back in with her mother, starts as a teaching assistant at her daughter’s new school, gets a puppy and joins a group of dog walkers, who embark upon a mission to save the local park. This was very low-angst and, once I realised the sort of story it was, kind of predictable. I can recognise the appeal of this brand of realism, but personally would have preferred more humour or more emotional complexity. Were Nicola a colleague, it’d be easy to find things in common to discuss, but her story wasn’t quite what I was looking for.

Chasing Lucky by Jenn Bennett: When Josie and her mother return to Beauty to look after the family bookshop, Josie has plans -- keep to herself, finish high school, secure a photography apprenticeship, move to LA. But after Josie accidentally breaks a store-front window and her childhood friend Lucky takes the blame, Josie’s priorities change. I enjoyed this more than I expected to. I particularly liked how Lucky subverts people’s expectations, and how Josie’s family works at communicating better with each other.

Old Baggage by Lissa Evans (narrated by Joanna Scanlan): It’s 1928 and Mattie Simpkin, a now-middle-aged militant suffragette, lives in Hampstead with her friend Florrie Lee (aka The Flea). Mattie gives lectures about the suffragettes but realises she’s not reaching the younger generation. So she starts a club for “healthy outdoor fun” for teenage girls. Mattie is wonderfully forthright -- amusing, engaging and informative when it comes to things she’s passionate about -- but she’s also fallible.  A really delightful yet bittersweet story about friendship and loss and the opportunities available for women. I liked its awareness that being able to loudly be yourself is a privilege not everyone has. 

There’s Something About Marysburg series by Olivia Dade:

Teach Me: Rose is unimpressed -- not only must she share her classroom with the new history teacher, he’s been given her Honors World History class. There’s something particularly satisfying about people who have been hurt and lonely finding support and love in each other. I like that they get to know each other over many months. I like Martin’s relationship with his teenage daughter and Rose’s relationship with her ex’s parents is so touching that one scene made me cry. And it was interesting seeing the US school system from the perspective of experienced teachers; I appreciated the details about their jobs.

Sweetest in the Gale: a Marysburg story collection contains three novellas about couples in their forties.

Sweetest in the Gale -- Griff is worried when Candy, a fellow English teacher, returns for the new school year uncharacteristically sombre and subdued. A really sweet romance about people who are navigating loss and grief.

Unraveled -- Maths teacher Simon is assigned to observe and mentor the new art teacher, Poppy. I enjoyed the threads of mystery.

Cover Me -- After a concerning mammogram result, Elizabeth marries an old friend so she’s covered by his health insurance. Predictable as anything, but that made it a safe position from which to explore serious and sobering topics.

40-Love: I’m not interested in tennis or holiday resorts; I was disappointed that this novel wouldn’t show Tess being an assistant principal; and even though some of my favourite fictional couples have a significant age-gap, I’m wary about age-gap romances (and socially-programmed to think it’s odd for a woman to date a much younger guy). But I liked the other stories in this series and I was curious. It’s Not really My Cup of Tea, but I was convinced that Tess and Lucas were both capable of making their (somewhat unconventional) relationship work. An interesting exercise in challenging my social-programming.

The Viscount Who Loved Me by Julia Quinn: After watching Bridgerton (not always to my tastes but mostly fun), curiosity prompted me to read the opening of the second novel, and I was so entertained by Kate Sheffield verbally sparring with the viscount, whom Kate is determined to prevent from marrying her younger sister. I continued to be entertained up until the viscount acts a bit too entitled on his wedding night (that’s unattractive, if outrightly problematic). Which left me in rather an uncharitable mood for the final act, so I can’t identify if the drama of dealing with past traumas didn’t meet the standard of the earlier comedy or if I just hold such scenes to differing standards.

[eabhaalynn]

Let the Music Play: A Love-Letter to Our Live Venues.

My concert-going career started at a very young age. Barely out of nappies, I went to see the ‘tweenies’ live with my auntie in 2004. The Odyssey Arena, Belfast, now known as the SSE Arena, is Northern Ireland’s biggest indoor arena, and while it is dwarfed by the stadiums and concert venues of the Irish capital and Manchester city, the imposing presence of the arena has captivated me for about as long as I can remember.

The Odyssey complex is as old as I am, its doors opened in the year I was born and so, at the time, everyone was as enthralled with the venue as I was.

The most recent concert I went to at the SSE was twenty-one pilots in March 2019. There is something really endearing about the combined nostalgia of a twenty-one pilots gig itself, and a venue with fifteen years’ worth of live-music memories housed in its elliptical, grey walls.

The SSE arena embodies my generation of Northern Irish kids; we have this big central concert venue, one that our parents could only have dreamed of. Its evolved into a bustling hotspot of tourism, nestled in tidily between the main motorway to East Belfast and the now notorious Titanic Quarter. The word ‘anticipation’ has become almost synonymous with the landscaped gardens, taxi ranks and brightly orange-cladded walls of the arena. From standing in the snow eagerly waiting for a wave from Shakira in December 2009, to queuing in the rain for an allocated seat out of the sheer anticipation of seeing then-heartthrob Matty Healy in January 2019, the artists change, the company changes, but the venues stay static.

Walking into the colossal atrium of the SSE arena, the dopamine rush of the distinctive sound of a ticket scanner, the frustration of the crush on the stairs, or the hilariously slow walker in front of you, the relief and disbelief of being swept away from an old friend by the tsunami of people pouring into the venue, and later washing back out of it. The expected responses to big world events, the additional security of Summer 2017 after the tragic events in Manchester, both outside and inside the same venues.

The feeling of utter tininess when you step through the tunnel into the arena. The power of the crowd, all there for the same reasons, all having a brilliant time. The knowledge that so many of your friends are experiencing the same event you are, that same knowledge, that’s somehow even more captivating in retrospect.

And that is just one venue.

I grew up in a ‘musical household’ and all that really means is that my dad plays the guitar, my mum always has the radio on in the house, and it’s been this way for about as long as I can remember.

Consequently, then, my childhood summers were framed by a local music festival, happens the first week in August in our village. It is, as they say, the craic. It introduced me to gig culture, a culture that has adopted me as I’ve aged. Gigs are like concerts, but smaller. A lot more personable, usually with a lot more bands involved, usually, you won’t know or listen to every band on the set list.

Gigs are in bars, or town halls, or even student union’s – I’m looking at QUB and Glasgow here, LUSU is an office building, though it’d almost certainly be more use as a gig venue. While you find your friends at concerts, you make friends at gigs. You find new music through gigs. Gigs are the control-alt-delete of your social life, especially when you’ve been going to them since you were six.

In reality, I could write whole love letters about every gig in every venue I have ever been to, I haven’t not been to a gig for this long, I think since I turned fifteen.

But none of us have time for that, enjoy these quick-fire feelings about gig venues and gigs from over the years, at home and farther afield.

The Oh Yeah! Centre in Belfast – the gateway to the gig scene. The absolute heroes who were hosting all ages gigs that one time a year every year that you didn’t have to source an ID. Nestled in the Cathedral Quarter, it is a genuinely wholesome, beautiful place to be. From falling in love with a 17 year old Declan McKenna in the front row at 15, to nearly choking when you heard the titular female name of Cherym’s now lead-single live for the first time, it is a very happy place and one that is truly committed to local acts and musical education at its heart.

The Lurig Inn in Cushendall – We all have a bit of love for our local, don’t we? The Lurig was the place to go out when you couldn’t get into, or couldn’t get to, anywhere else. Being 16 in the Glens of Antrim is certainly an experience, and it is characterised by the intergenerational harmony of a night in the Lurig with your wee man off the X-Factor. They have converted their venue into guestrooms, and of course I have feelings about this, but they still have solid acoustic nights from local artists on a regular basis, and I miss coming home to it a lot.

The Stubborn Stag at Kelly’s, Portrush – When you catch yourself driving to a gig in jeans and a t-shirt while you watch your peers in tiny neon skirts getting turned away from the main club, you know you’re doing something right – or maybe very wrong. This is my local for ‘big gigs’ and is a very underrated venue in Portrush. It is a genuinely lovely bar to be in, and attracts names from across the wide and growing North Coast music scene. I’ve even heard its worth using that roundabout in Coleraine for.

Students Unions of the world – This is basically in memorium of the Mandela Hall in Belfast. However, the Manchester Academies and QMU Glasgow need their recognition. These venues are gross, they’re sticky, they’re not even overly cheap on gig nights. But they give you the opportunity to see IDLES, the Academic, Miles Kane (!) and the Front Bottoms up close, even when you’re underage. And for that, we salute them. I do miss being able to see yer man from General Fiasco and his guitar every Sunday at the Speakeasy if I wanted to too (but don’t tell anyone).

The Belfast Empire – I haven’t actually got the words for the love I have for this venue. It is practically perfect in every way. From their regular ‘Gifted’ nights, which platform young talent, to their annual general fiasco gigs, to their high ceilings and stunning acoustics, to the location in the heart of Botanic, the closest street Belfast has to ‘cool.’ While I have never had much love for Belfast city, my heart absolutely bursts for the Empire. I cannot recommend checking them out when they reopen.

My favourite carpark in Belfast is actually also behind the Empire but that’s a story for another day.

The Button Factory, Dublin – This is where I first made eye contact with Eli Hewson, it is a beautiful, very cool venue on the periphery of Dublin’s Temple Bar. Just a stone’s throw from Gay Spar too. What more could you ask for?

Yes! Manchester – This is technically four venues, on Manchester’s Charles St. It is effortlessly groovy, and consistently hosts the best up and coming talent from Manchester, the North West, and farther afield. It is where I first saw Eli Hewson, buzzed on VKs at 2.30pm on a crisp October afternoon. It is also home to ‘the Pink Room’ the most beautiful venue I have ever been in. Imagine being at an Inhaler gig in a Barbie house. Now tell me how I can ever expect to beat that.

Sandino’s Derry – It’s a socialist bar. They have MSF stickers on the walls. It’s the complete antithesis of the Yes Pink Room; but is two stories of positive vibes and freedom. An endearing little venue that occasionally hosts good gigs but will always be there to radicalise you, if only a little bit and to welcome you home.

Some of the most endearing memories of my whole life have been finding friends at concerts, screaming and crying along to concerts, getting lost at concerts, arriving late and leaving early, and getting abandoned. Getting stuck in the mud, quite literally, and stopping at the kebab shop on the way home; and being scared you’re going to be stuck in Preston bus station forever.

Gig-going and concert going have given me anecdotes to last a lifetime, and I am not the only one. Let the music play.

I wasn’t sure where I really was going with this post, I didn’t at all plan it. But I truly hope it has encouraged you to support your local gigs and artists, and especially your local venues.

#letthemusicplay 

[stylohotmilo]

Best Albums of the Decade

One thing I've been doing with fervour in the last few weeks of 2019 was ploughing through 'Best of' lists. Best films, best books, songs... albums. It was a result of moments of FOMO that I was experiencing, and also anticipation on whether I've been in the loop on the good stuff that the world has been offering. I ended up with long lists of things to listen to, read and watch - and I'm not complaining. I love having something to dive into, things to explore, and new favourites. What got me most excited were new and old musicians I've discovered in these lists. And that's when I realised that for the whole of this decade, I've committed to finding music I'll love. I've a strange preference when it comes to music, and to be honest it's hard to find friends who'd appreciate the music I love. Enjoying music has seen been a lone affair - be it hunting for new music, listening to albums or attending concerts. My early days of hunting for music was through Bandcamp, where I would download any free digital album I could find within the genres of indie and alternative. Then a few years later Spotify came along, and my life changed completely. I decided that paying $7 a month for good music is worth it, and honestly it's one of the best decisions I've made in life. Every Monday, I start the week with the 'Discover Weekly' playlist that recommends new tracks based on music I've been listening to. And since the March of 2018, I've started to create bi-monthly playlists to curate tracks that I love in those weeks. I got so excited when Spotify introduced Wrapped in 2017, where it recapped tracks you've replayed for the year. I still love the songs in my 2017 playlist and they bring back so many memories. Perhaps it has to do with the way I live with music - music has always been with me at every episode, good and bad. Because I enjoy music alone, I put on my earpiece during commutes, walks, work, in the toilet, travels, after quarrels, before meetings. The songs I've been listening to somehow has a connecting image of an event that happened in life. Yesterday when I was browsing through my playlists, I realised that I want to do up this post to thank the music that has defined my life from age 16-26. It's in this decade that I figured out music I truly love, and learnt how to lean on music for comfort. So here goes, my 10 best albums from this decade.

The King of Limbs Radiohead, 2011 I'm lucky to chance upon Radiohead in my mid-teens. I don't know how it happened but it did, and Radiohead went on to define what quality means. I guess that's how mainstream music fell off my radar very quickly from then onwards. It took me a while to fall in love with this album, but the musicality and skills of the band shone through with this album. The layers and textures they offer with their songs are always so spell-binding, and it led me to appreciate genres like alternative, experimental, eletronica etc. Favourite tracks: Bloom, Lotus Flower, Give Up The Ghost

Coexist The XX, 2012 The XX's distinct sound really proves that composing music is a work of balance. Their sound is clean and minimal, yet textured and dense. It has just about the right amount of everything. Coupled with Romy Madley Croft's etheral voice and Oliver Sim's deep and husky vocals, The XX is pure magic. I recall being completely swept away when I first discovered their works. Favourite tracks: Chain, Tides, Unfold

Woman Rhye, 2013 I found it unbelievable that the vocals behind this album are from a man when I first listened to this album. It has a similar etheral quality to The XX's sound, but with the vocals and lyrics, I remember feeling a lot of sadness when listening to it. Woman made me feel really lonely and lost, and I used to play The Fall just to have a cry in my room. Favourite tracks: Open, The Fall, One Of Those Summer Days

Midnight Snack HOMESHAKE, 2015 HOMESHAKE is one of my best finds through Spotify. I think I started listening to Mac DeMarco's Salad Days and this was later introduced as a recommendation. This album, along with In The Shower have significantly shaped the rest of the music I've discovered through the app. I'm now listening to a lot of lo-fi, blues, dream pop and psychedelia. And it's the start of what my friends call 'music you listen to when you are high' haha. I don't know what that exactly feels like, but from HOMESHAKE's music, you'll seem to be able to catch a whiff of it. Also, a special mention to my top 3 tracks of all-time - Midnight Snack that's featured in this album. I just want to close my eyes to this song and gently sway along with it. Oh, please. Feelin' like I'm falling asleep. Not ready to visit my dreams. Nothing in the world let me feel. Alone, while she's here next to me. Favourite tracks: I Don't Wanna, Midnight Snack, Real Love

Skiptracing Mild High Club, 2016 Mild High Club brings a little jazz to lo-fi psychedelia, and I also love the vintage 80s vibe he layers the tracks with. I felt Brettin managed to create a unique sound that I really haven't found anywhere else. Mild High Club's debut album Timeline is a favourite as well. Favourite tracks: Skiptracing, Cary Me Back, Chapel Perilous, Kokopelli

Ego Death The Internet, 2015 The Internet are the ones who introduced me to hip hop, soul and funk music. I listened to this album heavily when a friend got us free tickets to Laneway where The Internet would be performing. It's an album that makes you want to stand up and groove along to the beats. Syd's laid-back but delicate vocals also makes The Internet's sound even more appealing. Favourite tracks: Get Away, Under Control, Go With It, Just Sayin/I Tried

Currents Tame Impala, 2015 Another band with a really distinct yet familiar sound. It feels more futuristic, almost foreign, and the narratives to the songs are also pretty fresh - on sexism, courage to tackle the unknown, embracing change.. It's an album that's high in contrast, colourful and very self-aware. It feels like it could be the soundtrack for Star Trek haha, the visuals just go so well with how I've experienced this album. Favourite tracks: The Less I Know The Better, Yes I'm Changing, The Moment

Cold Shower Triathalon, 2015 Triathalon is officially my artist of the decade based on Spotify's statistics. And it's true, I love all their albums and I've faithfully followed this very indie band for quite a while. I gave them a shout-out on Instagram to celebrate the status as artist of the decade and they so kindly replied me with "Yooo *prayer hands emoticon* *heart emoticon*" haha! Cold Shower is more of an EP, and I love all 4 tracks. It's so smooth, so groovy, so easy. Slow jams that stole my whole heart. Favourite tracks: South Side, I Want It, Come Thru, Smooth Move (hahaha yes, it's everything)

Drowsy Bane's World, 2016 "Dreamy psychedelic bedroom pop" is how fans defined Blanchard's sound. I didn't listen to this album in a seating - I was recommended various tracks one after the other and I only recently realised they are all from the same album. Some tracks are fun and cute (Still Lovely, You Bet I Stare), while others feel really eerie or melancholic (Dream Boat, Drowsy). It also took me a while to fall in love, but now I'm hooked. I've to say I do agree that his music is really strange - but it all just feels together and in the end they sit well. Favourite tracks: Dream Boat, Valentine's Curse, Stay Away From My Baby

Déjàvu Matty, 2018 I remember feeling really excited when I discovered Matty. It's the typical high-and-slightly-off pitch voice I found familiar with HOMESHAKE and Tame Impala, but he offers it with really beautiful compositions from instruments other than lo-fi keyboards and synthesizers. For some tracks I felt I was watching a movie unfolding while listening to them. A great find that wraps up my decade! Favourite tracks: I'll Gladly Place Myself Below You, Clear, Butter

[titconao3]

Hello I have a lot of feelings about Fratt and I’m endlessly grateful for your contributions to the pairing. I just want to know what draws you to them, what you love about them, how you got into the pairing, and what drives you to keep producing wonderful content for them?

Aw, thank you - i have a lot of feelings about Fratt too! About them both, separately, as /, or as &.

And now, brace yourself for word-vomit ;-)

i started with Daredevil, and Matt is a character that hits my buttons. i can ship him with almost anyone and anything, from socks to Foggy to naps to Elektra, bring it on. (Just not Karen Page, that’s not my personal jam - but to each their own ^_^)Matt being a cocky idiot who will throw himself into harm’s way and disregard his own well-being because Catholic Guilt ™ and Matt getting whumped is, uh. *grabby hands* He’s also So Dramat(t)ic - from backflips to emo-ing, from speechifying about god and justice to his “i’ll bleeeed for the cityyyyy” atttitude… *rubs hands* me like! He’s such a little shit too He’s also clearly suffering from depression (or bipolar disorder? the comics say depression, but i guess a case can be made for either), which i find… uh, yes. i can’t say i like it (poor Matty) but, just, yes.Plus i like hurt/comfort, okay? & DD is a whump-magnet of the highest, finest quality ;-)

Then Frank came by and i went uuuuuh yessss. The empty stare (and generally his body language; the immobility, the head movements, and then the sudden violence!), the difference in vigilante philosophy with Matt, his ALSO being a cocky idiot albeit in a different style, his bulldozer, one-man army style of fighting...  He’s clearly got Actual Brain Trauma from, you know, a bullet lodged there and has to deal with guilt from the death of his family, from sometimes loving being with his squad more than with his kids, from what he did as a soldier, etc.Frank can be emo-dramatic too, what with the whole “i am dead inside, i am just a tool of retribution, i am the mission and nothing else” attitude (we see through you, Frankie, sorry).He can be a real asshole too, and i like me some imperfect characters :DAND he comes with a cool cast of characters - Dinah, Billy, Curt, David…!

Both have a shitload of issues. Matt misses his dad (even when he rails against him in S3) and Frank has a well-developed dad instinct (is anyone reading Punisher Kill Krew? it’s hilarious and colourful and i promise Frankie goes ratatatatatBOOMpewpew at the baddies, but it also doesn’t take itself too seriously and Frank gives off the dad vibes AND the dog lover vibes ;-).Frank’s HE PROTEC and Matt’s “i’ll fight everything and anything!” (or is it the other way around?) go well together; they want the same thing, have the same goal.Plus, they can get on each other’s nerves; chatty lawyer and grunty Marine :DTheir rooftop conversation, with Matt chained up and trying to get Frank to open up, and Frank not being only this terrifying, violent monster but a guy with broken bits rattling inside! *clutches chest* And their various interactions after that - annoyance with some life-saving on the side. Aw ^_^

They have their little quirks, coffee or blind jokes and other little things that amuse me; they don’t like admitting they can’t do something, they can be terrible friends, they’re just perfect fic fodder, really :D

i also like the contrast between a guy who knows how domestic life works, how you take care of people, and occasionally (gasp) how you communicate (Frank’s surprise speeches at times…! like to Karen in that diner, bam Sudden Words) but who’s also a death-dealing machine and another guy who’s desperate for a family, who definitely craves being cared for (but NOT too much and only when he wants it, he’s a bit like a cat i guess ;-) and whose job is talking but who will always do his best to obfuscate, hide, or even lie because what will happen if i actually tell the truth? 

And: they’re both hoodie-wearers and both have been shown hiding under blankets. So, uh. Yes. That.

And on top of that, there’s the potential of team DD interacting with Mr. Punisher, especially Foggy (who was all Frank’s scary but also hot!!!) and Maggie (god save me from these guys! *gets the suture kit out*)

So there’s potential for feels, h/c, action, and humour too!Because, let’s face it, they can both be ridiculous sometimes ^_^ but it makes them human, interesting, and relatable!

There is Not Enough Content for them!

Also, for folks who are into smut, they do have great chemistry; but while i can and sometimes do write sex scenes when they feel relevant it’s not really my favourite thing in the world.Unless we’re talking post-deed CUDDLES :D

The challenge is to keep them as true as i can to my understanding of who they are: their flaws, their violence… and yet manage to give them an actual story that isn’t just we fought, we sexed, Frank left, Matt angsted, it never happened again because Frank’s a loner / Matt’s got too many issues / Frank “i’m a dead man inside” Castle won’t drag Matt into his world / Matt “Law & Justice and also my fists” Murdock gets hurt and Frank freaks out…i want to see how to make them work together, in part because i’m a wimp and i can’t stand downer endings and in part because can’t they have a little happiness too? (but not too much they’d disintegrate)Sure, i’d love to be able to write Deep Meaningful stuff, but basically i always end up doing domestic / fluffy / dog dads… stories.

...sorryy it got so long? i hope this answers your questions!

xxxxxxxxx

[dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt]

hiiiii matt matty boy!! centaurus, hydra, pulsar and supernova for the space asks please 😘🌟✌

!! HI KAM THANK U YOU WONDERFUL BEAN!!!

Centaurus: Favourite holiday?

asdfghjkl this is gonna sound bad but I don’t actually… have one?? We don’t really celebrate many and our traditions have kind of worn down over the years. Maybe Easter literally just because Easter chocolate tastes better than normal chocolate!! :D why do I have the feeling I’m going to end up like Scrooge PFFFT

Hydra: Favourite sound?

Can’t go wrong with rain :’) also my chickens make the CUTEST beeping noises in the WHOLE WORLD and I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

Pulsar: What do you hope to do in the next 10 years?

Love I don’t know what I want to do in the next ten minutes. X’D

Supernova: What’s one thing you want to do before you die?

take over the world Hug all the dogs. All of them. Every single one on the planet. And then all the space dogs too. All the dogs.

send me space questions?

[telltaleclerk]

Ok... so today’s theme is favourite quote. Here she is:

Jack: I mean, can you imagine if I went bad and you had to hunt me down?

Mac: I mean, I’d catch you in, like, a day.

Jack: A day? Yeah, you wish.

Mac: At most.

So I wrote a little fic about this. It’s cute and short and was meant to be fun... don’t take it too seriously. ;)

Mac pushed the elevator doors open and looked in each direction before he walked quietly down the hall, keeping to the wall. It was brightly lit, there was no hiding from the human eye, but Riley had shut all the cameras in the building down, so he just had to worry about people now.

Matty spoke up in his earpiece. “Listen Mac, I know this one is personal for you, but you’ve gotta keep your head, ok?”

Mac was tired of the litany she’d been spewing for the last hour. Phrases like: “It’s just like any other mission.” “Objective is to bring them in alive.” She’d been going on and on. It was starting to make him angry. So close now he didn’t need the Phoenix’s guidance anyway and he ripped his earpiece out and smashed it against the wall, dropping the inert electronic to the soft carpeting.

The room was close now, and he felt like he was buzzing with the anticipation of the confrontation ahead. He needed answers. The why, he just needed to know the why.

A locked door. Another barrier between him and his mark. Those barriers had added up over the last 36 hours and he was getting annoyed. But this one was easy. Mac pulled out the master key card Riley had programmed and tapped it against the electronic lock. It beeped, the light turned green, and the handle turned with ease.

Inside, the hotel room was lavishly decorated. Best suite in the house.

Jack sat on the white leather couch, looking out at the Las Vegas skyline, facing away from Mac.

“I’ve been waitin’ on you,” Jack said. Good old Jack, his voice still jovial. Except he had no reason to be happy now that he was a traitor to the US government.

“I should have known it would be Vegas,” Mac said. “You told me once: Vegas is always on the way. I guess I should have known you’d pass through at some point.”

Jack stood up, classic Jack smile on his face. He was holding two beers and he held one out to Mac.

Mac frowned. “No, I’m good thanks.”

“Come on, I got a lot to celebrate,” Jack said, still grinning.

“Jack, what is the matter with you?” Mac asked. “You know I’m here to bring you in, right?”

“That I do,” Jack said, his grin fading to contentment. “And if my calculations are correct, brainiac, it took you just over 36 hours to track me down.”

Mac was confused. “Does it matter how long it took? You know you’re going to prison, right? You’re not gonna ‘turn me to the dark side.’”

“Oh, I ain’t goin’ to prison,” Jack said, setting one of the beers down and sipping back on the other one.

“Jack, you committed treason,” Mac said, “that’s what they do with traitors. But I still don’t understand why. It kinda came out of nowhere. You owe me an explanation.”

“36 hours,” Jack repeated, his Cheshire-like grin returning.

Mac lost his patience and yelled: “What does it matter?”

“Come on Mac,” Jack said in his buddy-buddy voice. “After everything I’ve done for the ole US of A. After everything we’ve been through? You think I’m gonna throw all that away for a payday?”

“But you did!”

“Naw,” Jack said with a wink. “You remember when you said that if I ever betrayed you the way Walsh did your old man that you’d catch me in a day? Tops?”

Mac was confused. What the hell did any of this have to do…

“No,” Mac said aloud.

Jack’s grin widened to include teeth.

“You didn’t,” Mac said.

“Matty helped me set the whole thing up,” Jack said. He picked up the second beer again and offered it.

Mac took it this time and threw back a generous gulp. Matty had helped Jack set up fake treason so Mac would have to hunt him down? Wow. What a great use of government resources.

“Wait,” Mac said. “If Matty helped you then it’s not fair.”

Jack was quick to refute that claim. “Matty helped set up the backstory, but once I was out in the wild it was all Jack Dalton,” he said. “Which means, I win.”

“Win what?” Mac asked.

“The bet,” Jack said.

“What bet?”

“The bet that you could nab me in less than a day.”

“I never bet you,” Mac scoffed.

“I like to think it was an unspoken bet,” Jack reasoned.

“Alright, so what was the wager?” Mac asked, flopping down onto the couch. After 36 hours straight he was worn out.

Jack sat down next to him, and picked up another beer from the case on the table. “I dunno, we never talked about it.”

Mac laughed at that and offered his bottle to Jack. The bottles clinked together and the partners sat watching the Vegas skyline twinkle. In the last day and a half Mac had felt like an hourglass, life flipped around, sand tossed this way and that. But now he’d been righted again and everything was alright.

A quick call to Matty confirmed that all was right with the world again and Mac finally relaxed back into the couch. 36 sleepless hours had taken their toll on him and it wasn’t long before he drifted off to sleep. He’d be mad at Jack and Matty in the morning.

[pendragonfics]

Shiver

Paring: Matt Murdock/Reader

Tags: female reader, canon compliant, blind date, blind humour, bed sharing, fluff, angst and a happy ending bc why not

Summary: "And Matt, this is ________, practically my keeper and non-biological sister, and you are each other's blind date. More-so for Matt."

Foggy sets his two BFFs up, and Matt's life gets in the way of romance.

Word Count: 2,241

Posting Date:  2017-03-18

Current Date: 2017-06-11

"The last time this happened, he set me up with the non-English speaking son of his landlady, said, 'Have a good night, children', and ran off into the night." You laugh at the memory, and how you spent the whole time walking around the city repeating what little English words the guy had known. "And, ever since I moved here, Foggy has not been off my case about being single in a city like this. Says I need protection, but I've got pepper spray and a can of whoop-ass in my fist." You sigh, looking at yourself in the mirror, playing with the stubborn hair that keeps falling into your eyes. "Don't say whoop-ass on the first date. One a blind date."

It was common knowledge that Franklin 'Foggy' Nelson was best friends with you since birth. Everyone knew it. It was like a word association game; always together. In fact, your mothers had been friends, and you two had been friends, and if it ever came to it, your children would be friends too, and so on. The Nelson family and the ______'s had known each other for eons, and would always do. And that was why you followed him to this side of the city, to the only place you knew.

Of course, thankfully, you had a job, and a dinky apartment that used to be someone's basement underneath a gym, and the same guy trying to get you out in the dating world and find someone to hook up with. But that was what best friends were for, right? Getting people out of their own little ruts and out into the world where the sun shone through the skyscrapers and warmth came from disposable coffee cups.

But there was ten minutes to go until the date (meeting place: a street corner near a park and a bar) and you were still trying to figure out what to do with your hair when you heard a text alert come through your phone. But checking it, it was none other than Foggy, sending you a picture of someone's shoe (attached to somebody's leg, thank goodness) and the words don't leave matty standing around under it.

Rolling your eyes, you fluff your hair the way it normally is for everyday life, and grabbing a scarf, rush out the door. It doesn't take long to get to where the meeting place is, and once you're there, you can't help but laugh. After knowing him all of those years, and tying ties for all of yours, you swear you'd taught him how to not to tie it backwards. And the suit? You'd need to take him out around town for another - he looked like a used-car salesman.

"I'd know that laugh anywhere, even if I was in a room of ________ doppelgangers all laughing," Foggy grins, crossing the distance away from you, smothering your outfit and you in a crushing hug. "Glad you could make it."

"I'm getting the feeling that there was no choice between making it, or not," you whisper back, and add, "Being single isn't a curse, Fog."

From your peripherals, you notice a guy, wearing a suit, but unlike Foggy who looks somewhat like a child invading his uncle's old raggedy clothes pile from the spare room, this guy makes the suit look like he's on-loan from Armani for the weekend. And without really planning to, you feel yourself get flustered at the sight of him without even speaking a damn word to the guy.

"Ah. _______, this is Matty-Matt-Matt, BFF and lawyer friend-slash-partner in our business," he motions to the guy. "And Matt, this is ________, practically my keeper and non-biological sister, and you are each other's blind date. More-so for Matt."

It's only then you link the white cane and the glasses on the edge of his nose.

"He's always joking about it, don't you worry," he extends a hand to you, and like something like a magical Disney prince, he's linked his arm in yours, and your heart is racing a million miles a minute because the freaking hot blind guy has treated you like a goddamned Disney princess and you're sure you've forgotten to brush your teeth or something dumb. Leaving Foggy behind, he muses, "So, he told me you've moved?"

You nod, and realising your mistake, add, "Um, yeah. Grew up in the place beside the Nelson's, but there's nothing really left for me there. I mean, new job. I'm a typist for a clinic downtown." You tell him.

Matt grins. "I'm good with my hands too, what with all the Braille," he jokes, and adds, "Please, relax, I can take a joke, and Foggy knows that way too well." He pauses, "If you like, we can play that game where you ask a question, and then I do." You can't help but smirk, because all this time, with his cane out, he's been navigating around people and the bustle of the city and somehow managed to lead you toward a park bench in the park across the road. "You start."

Taking a seat, you hum, and chewing on your lip, deliberate on what to ask Matty-Matt-Matt, Foggy's lawyer friend-slash-partner. "Okay. Have you always been ... blind?" you ask.

He shakes his head. "Got into an accident. Saved an old man, but lost my eyes." He replies, folding his cane up, sitting the stick on his lap. "What made you become a typist?"

You blink. "I - I don't know. I remember being six and watching my grandmother on her old typewriter ... I've always had a thing for the way the keys clack. Okay, that sounds really dumb." You feel a roaring blush coat your cheeks.

"No, no, not dumb," Matt places a hand on yours, "It's better than why I became a lawyer."

You cock an eyebrow, and use up your next question on that, and go back and forward in the game until the sun seems to be fading into the distance behind the skyscrapers of Hell's Kitchen and you're feeling less than strangers with the handsome man beside you. As you shiver in the evening air, he seems to come out of a charm from your voice, and spell unbroken, he proposes moving toward a place with reservations for the pair of you. Before you know it, the night is over, and he's walked you back to your place, and you've added your number into his talking phone and his to yours, and vowed to go out again next Thursday after his rota of clients for the day.

It's like this every week until almost a year later you wake up beside him in his bed, and turn to him in the midnight air. In the darkness that isn't quiet, you see the shadow of his form in the sheets, the way his hair falls every which-way, his lips parted ever so slightly to take in the night air. But your eyes see the haunting linger of bruises and battered ribs and the blister on his hand, how they become increasingly calloused as the days pass by.

Your boyfriend calls them his accidents, but you know inside you don't believe him. You've been with him for very nearly twelve months, and you know what Matt Murdock, the guy who kisses you goodbye on his way to work, and forgets his lunch in the fridge in the apartment and asked you to move in with him only eight months after knowing him, and had the freaking Punisher as a client.

The Matt you know would never just let himself 'fall down the stairs' or 'trip over the sidewalk' and, your personal favourite, 'walk into a door'. No. The Matt you knew, the Matt you met when you first went on that date, walked proficiently around people like his blindness was only a defined term to some and not a complete concept for him. The Matt you knew would never just let a guy step off the curb too early, almost like he could sense what was happening, would never do the same for himself.

He was lying, and it was simple.

Slipping a foot from the bed, you pad over to the main living area as quiet as you can be, and curl in on yourself on the couch. It's been months since you left your apartment and assimilated into his, and longer still since you've seen your family or the dog face to face, or on Skype. Perhaps it's the fact you're wondering if Matt is either into hardcore BDSM and cheating on you or the vigilante Daredevil (which is nigh impossible) and perhaps it's that which is making you shiver on the lounge, or that you've been such an adult for so long and need to feel the arms of someone you love around you to tell you that it'll all be okay.

"________?" His voice is groggy, tantalising to hear, and you can practically picture his face as he realises you're not in the bed beside him. "I can hear crying, is that you?"

It isn't until he says this you realise that yes, it is you, and you're giving Alice from Wonderland a run for her money, as your nightshirt is soaking. You shakily give a breathy yes��and hear his feet hit the hardwood, making their way toward to you on the sofa. "Matt, please, you need sleep, you've got a court date tomorrow with the Frank Castle case," you protest, but he's taking you into his arms, to his chest, cradling you like you're goddamned four years old and just had a nightmare. "Why are you so hard to understand, Matthew?"

He's still for a moment. "Do you remember that date, the one Foggy set up?" He asks you, like there's any possibility you could have forgotten meeting the best guy you'd ever come to be with. "Do you want to play that game where you ask a question, and then I do?"

"Are you cheating on me?" your voice is barely a whisper, but you know he hears you.

Matt shakes his head. "No – no, I'm not." he whispers back, his fingers combing the hair from your eyes, from your face. "Why couldn't you sleep?"

You take a breath before answering. "I just...I don't know. Mid-midlife crisis." You can't see, but hear the puff of laughter that comes from his smirk. "Why don't you trust me?" you ask. It's truly a silent night after the words leave your lips; Matt stills behind you, his big spoon to your little one is almost a statue, the flashing lights beyond the apartment of the billboard orchestrate the passing of time. "You never tell me where you go when you just disappear, and come back beaten and battered all over. I met a girl named Clare on the stairs one day, and she knew your middle name. Which, I learned, from her, Mr. Matthew Michael Murdock," you murmur your defences to the lawyer, backing up your facts, "Foggy calls a lot, and we're basically the founding members of the What Is Up With Matt club, and on top of it all, you don't tell me a damn thing!" you sit up, leaving the arms of Matt empty on his side of the lounge.

"________ -,"

You shake your head. "I'm a typist who if was better at school could be a damn court stenotype, and if you can't tell me what you've been hiding since I met you, then I'm sure that I can be out of here by the sunrise, Matt. I swear, there's nothing worse than knowing there's something going on and you can't do a thing to help." Your voice chokes up, arms tight around yourself.

"It's not that I don't trust you, _______," he starts. "I just want to protect you."

You wipe your tears on the back of your wrist, and knowing well enough it's not your turn to ask, you implore, "From what? Truth? Isn't that a fundamental thing about being a lawyer, an American?" You sniff. "I'm the same age as you. I kicked the ass of the last guy who tried to mug me. I know how to do taxes and I know there's shitty things in this world that happen for shitty reasons, but out of all of that, you're still defending your motive that you're protecting me?" You swallow. "From what, Matt?"

He lowers his head, wiping a hand over his face. "Please, I know you're upset, and I never intended you to be. But ... I have, uh, abilities. I can hear really well, and smell, and feel. I'm also the son of Jack Murdock, and I can't just step down from a fight.

You're not sure you like where this is going, but you sit there, silent, waiting for the next part to come.

"I - I'm Daredevil. I'm the Devil of Hell's Kitchen, and I just want you to know that I don't go out to do it for fun. I do it because I love you, _________. And I want to make the city safer for you."

A silence settles between you, and slowly, you reach out, and cradle his cheeks in your palms, cupping them to raise his head to face your own. "Matt, you idiot..." you whisper, gazing into his eyes.

He gives a wan smile. "But I'm your idiot?"

You nod. "Yeah. You're my idiot."

[not-ash-sunny]

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

The Irony of Choking on a Lifesaver by All Time Low Mr. Brightside by The Killers Everything is Temporary by Cavetown Best Friend by Rex Orange County Somebody Out There by A Rocket to the Moon Peach by The Front Bottoms

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? My lost cat, Ky. 3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“He had the suffering-in-silence thing down to an art,” (Extraordinary Means: Schneider, 2015)

4: What do you think about most?

Will I ever be geniunely happy and contented?

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

“Hi Ash, Kamusta yung assessment mo?”

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

with

7: What’s your strangest talent?

I can sleep anywhere, anytime. standing. sitting. during my graduation. at a coffee shop. name it.

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

Girls can and should rule the world.

Boys “are rats, listen to me, they're fleas on rats, worse than that, they're amoebas on fleas on rats. I mean, they're too low for even the dogs to bite. The only man a girl can depend on is her daddy.”

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

yes. more than twice.

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

I have never?

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

not really a phobia. but swimming at somewhere deep give me panic attacks.

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

none that i know of?

13: What’s your religion?

Roman Catholic by contract.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

eating or window shopping.

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

A Rocket to the Moon

17: What was the last lie you told?

I can work during the weekend.

18: Do you believe in karma?

yes, absolutely.

19: What does your URL mean?

Universal Real Link ??? lol idk

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

Greatest weakness: I’m a bad liar. Greatest strength: I am very friendly?

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

Aidan Gallagher.

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

haven’t! but its on my list.

23: How do you vent your anger?

ranting to other people, but mostly of the time to myself.

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

Albums? Bags? Shoes?

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Video chatting.

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

not yet.

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

hate: horns! love: sound of nature.

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

what if i wasn’t afraid?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

yes. yes.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right: big ass wall mirror left: my phone

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

somehow, the smell of ironed clothes?

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

near smokey mountain.

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

west coast.

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

life is bittersweet.

36: Define Art.

Art is diverse, yet unified.

37: Do you believe in luck?

no, but I believe in lucky people.

38: What’s the weather like right now?

Fucking hot.

39: What time is it?

10:24pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

not yet, or maybe never?

41: What was the last book you read?

The Becoming of Noah Shaw by Michelle Hodkin

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

nope.

43: Do you have any nicknames?

ash. 

44: What was the last film you saw?

Sex and the City?

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

Sprain.

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

haven’t.

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

fanny packs and bucket hats :(

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

honestly, don’t care.

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

none that I know of.

50: Do you believe in magic?

I believe in witches hehe

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

not really.

52: What is your astrological sign?

star: virgo  moon: pisces

53: Do you save money or spend it?

SPEND IT.

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

Chicken curry.

55: Love or lust?

love, ofc.

56: In a relationship?

yep.

57: How many relationships have you had?

3 serious ones.

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

can’t.

59: Where were you yesterday?

Alabang.

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

yep.

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

nope.

62: What’s your favourite animal?

cattttttttsssss

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

my weirdness, humor, and spontaneity.

64: Where is your best friend?

they are everywhere.

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

I only have one ever since, http://blossomfully.tumblr.com/ .

66: What is your heritage?

Filipino and Spanish, I think?

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

ML.

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Morningstar.

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

what?

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

yes, I think so.

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

call someone to help me save the dog, then call my boss about the situation.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

I won’t tell anyone. I’ll do everything and anything. I would be afraid.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

love. with love there is trust.

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Mr. Brightside by The Killers

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

6140

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

accepting the changes and still loving.

77: How can I win your heart?

cats.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

yes.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

volunteering.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

8

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

Alis Propriis Volat.

82: What is your favourite word?

meow.

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

love.

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

“this is all I got”

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

Idk.

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

yellow.

87: What is your current desktop picture?

cats.

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

ignorant people.

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Initially I would automatically cover myself with a blanket and just have a panic attack.

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

I don’t want any super-power. I just want to be a witch. I guess, scarlet witch’s power ?

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

The days I was travelling freely and happily.

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

I won’t erase anything cause I believe its part of who I am and it would be an excellent story to tell.

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

currently not idolizing anyone. but, Matty Healy!!!

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Vietnam!

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

None of I know of.

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

YAS HAHAHHAHA and it was a taxi cab. I’m sorry.

98: Ever been on a plane?

yep.

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

Spread love, positive vibes, and always be kind.

answered as of March 31, 2019.

[thelandofthelesser]

Crimson Skulls and Spilled Ink

“You look nervous, Red.”

           Matt Murdock looked up from the menu, across the table at the man sitting across him. “She’s a bit late.”

          Frank Castle leaned back. “She’s always late. She’s got work this week, right?”

          “You’re right,” he said and put the menu down. “This is a bit unusual, that’s all.”

          “Feels right to me.”

          “Kicking people’s heads in feels right to you. I don’t trust your judgement.”

          Frank laughed, picking up his cup. “That’s why I love ya, Matty. That sense of humour you always keep hidden under the red leather and lawyer clothes.”

          Matt paused and smiled. “You love me?”

          “Don’t take it so personally. I love my dog, I love my barber… I got a lot of love to give. Hence,” he spread his arms wide, “the situation we’re in right now.”

          Matt laughed and looked around the restaurant. It was expensive - not that it mattered. He wanted to get this right. He didn’t want to scare her away.

          The waiter stopped by their table. “You two about ready to order?”

          Matt looked at Frank, who nodded. “Might as well get a drink or something.”

          “Okay, uh -” Matt flipped through the menu. “I don’t really know much about wines . . .”

          “I’d recommend the Aldi Rosé. We’re offering a good price for it this week - and it’s a personal favourite.”

          “That sounds great,” Matt said. “One bottle, please.”

          “Do you have any hard stuff?” Frank asked.

          “Oh, don’t mind him -”

          “Reds don’t mix well with me,” he said and grinned. “Usually.”

          He blushed and cleared his throat, realising the waiter was still standing there. “The bottle, and one shot of whiskey, please. Dealer’s choice.”

          “Sure,” the waiter said, and walked off just as their date walked in and sat down on the table next to them.

          “I’m so sorry I’m late,” Karen Page said flusteredly, setting her bag down and pulling up the chair.

          “Oh, don’t worry about it. We weren’t waiting long,” Matt said, shifting his weight in the seat awkwardly. Suddenly this seemed like a bad idea. He could hardly look her in the eye.

          “I’m sure that’s true. Frank, how long were you guys waiting?”

          “About -” he glanced at his watch. “Half an hour, I’d say.”

          “Oh, goddammit. I’m really sorry, you guys. It’s just - work. There was a deadline I got real close to missing because some stories got shuffled around -” she stopped and ran a hand through her hair self-consciously. “But you guys don’t need to hear about that right now.”

          “Nah, it’s alright. I told him it’d be cause of the job,” Frank said airily.

          “Yeah,” Matt said and smiled awkwardly, meeting her eyes. “S’alright.”

          “Well,” she said and looked at the two of them. “I don’t really know what to say anymore.”

          “I was just telling Matt it’s an unusual situation,” Frank said. “I guess we’re all here just to see how you feel about it.”

          “Just - if you’ve changed your mind -” Matt started.

          “No, don’t be silly!” Karen interjected. “I haven’t changed my mind. It’s just, it’s all very new. I haven’t done anything like this before.”

          “Yeah, me neither.”

          “I have,” Frank said.

          They looked at him. “When? With who?” Matt asked.

          “A bunch of guys and girls I used to know. We never really took the whole - the whole relationship thing too strictly, you know? We just . . . dated around.”

          “Interesting,” Karen said. “I never figured you the type.”

          “College is the time for that kind of thing. You swing both ways, Miss Page?”

          Matt kicked him under the table. “Rude!”

          Karen laughed. “It’s alright. I don’t - I don’t really know? College was less of a time for experimentation and more of theater and keeping up with the rest of the class.”

          “Theater?” Matt asked. “I didn’t know you did theater.”

          “Oh sure, the usual stuff, the boring stuff, you know. Shakespeare, mostly. ‘I do love nothing in the world so well as you -’”

          “‘- Is that not strange?’” he finished. “Much Ado About Nothing!”

          “You did Shakespeare too?”

          “Oh, well - It was a tough time reading the lines in Braille, but I made it work.”

          Frank chuckled.

          “What?” Matt asked, raising an eyebrow.

          “Nothing,” he replied. “Just - you guys are cute together.”

          The wine arrived, the waiter pouring glasses for the Karen and Matt, and giving Frank a shot of whiskey.

          Frank downed the shot almost immediately. “You know - I’m suddenly not feeling this restaurant anymore.”

          “You wanna do something else?” Matt asked.

          “Just itching for excitement, is all.”

          “I don’t think beating up criminals makes for a good first date,” Karen said and laughed.

          “Well, you’re only saying that because you’re not bored.”

          “You’re bored?”

          “I think there are . . . better places for a first date.”

          “Such as?” Matt asked.

  “Am I holding it right?” Matt asked, holding the gun up, pointing it forwards. He couldn’t quite tell if he was aiming directly at the mark.

          “Pretty well,” Frank said, adjusting his aim. “I imagine you’ve handled guns before.”

          “A few times. Didn’t go well.”

          “Karen, you sure you don’t wanna have a go?” Frank asked. She was leaning against the wall of the shooting gallery. This time of night, no one else had ventured inside, leaving them the only ones in the room. Frank knew the owner, so they’d even gotten in for free.

          She shrugged. “I’m not really eager to handle guns again, just yet. I’d love to see you both try, though.”

          “Try? My man doesn’t try,” Frank said and clapped Matt on the back, who nearly fell over the counter. “Show her what you’ve got, Red.”

          “Alright . . .” Matt said, biting his lip and aiming the gun. He focused on his hearing, tried to hone in on that one slip of paper that was swinging slightly in mid-air, tried to separate that sound from everything else in the room, and then emptied the gun magazine into it.

          BANG.

          BANG.

          BANG.

          BANG.

          BANG.

          BANG.

          “Holy hell, Red.”

          Matt turned and looked at them. “What, did I do well? Did I get the target?”

          “You kinda missed all of them,” Karen said, laughing her head off.

          “It was a good attempt - we’ll chalk it up to beginner’s bad luck.” Frank reloaded the gun and got behind him, placing the gun in his hands and holding them together tightly. Matt could feel his chest on his back, his warmth.

          It felt nice.

          “Just hold it steady here - and squeeze tight, alright? Look - there, you can do it.”

          BANG.

          BANG.

          BANG.

          BANG.

          “That was better!” Frank said and let go of him. Matt smiled at him sweetly.

          “I have a good teacher.”

          They turned back to see Karen grinning at them.

          “What?” Frank demanded.

          “Nothing,” she replied, beaming. “You guys are just cute together.”

          Matt laughed and Frank stepped forward. “Alright, har har, Miss Page. Your turn. No excuses.”

          “Okay, okay,” she said and took position.

          BANG.

          BANG.

          “Damn,” she said, squeezing the trigger. “Forgot to reload.”

          “If this were a fight,” Frank said, taking the gun from her, “you’d be dead.”

          “No, I wouldn’t. You’d save me.”

          “Damn straight I would. Regular action hero, that’s what I am, constantly saving the damsel and her, ah, sidekick.”

          “Was that a jab at me?” Matt asked, feigning offense.

          “You take it how you will, Red.”

          Matt grinned and leaned over, his hand reaching around Frank’s back and pulling him closer. “Promise?”

          “Talking about a nightcap, Murdock? In front of Miss Page over here?”

          Matt looked at her. “Nightcap, Karen?”

          She tilted her head and smiled. “Are you making a move on me, Matt?”

          “Well, uh - I’d definitely understand if you think this is too soon.”

          “No. No, this is, um . . .” she pressed a hand against his chest. “This isn’t too soon.”

          Matt turned to Frank. “We should get outta here.”

          “Yeah,” Frank said quickly, and led the three of them out of the gun shop. They took a cab home together and offered to split the bill - but Matt refused and paid it in full.

          They were his guests for the night, after all. What kind of host would he be if he didn’t take care of them?

[herselfportrait]

INTERVIEW: THEO POLYZOIDES (KING NUN)

(Written for Let it Happen)

We’re in a strange room in Sheffield’s Café Totem. It has dark red walls, plastered white in small patches as if someone had shot holes in it. It’s sparsely furnished: two old sofas sit among open guitar cases and equipment; I am sat on one of them, King Nun’s Polyzoides is sat on the other. The band have had a meteoric rise to success in the last year, joining Dirty Hit’s coterie alongside The 1975, Wolf Alice and Japanese House. Since their emergence in 2016, the London four-piece have whipped up a following that is growing like an epidemic. Their debut EP ‘I Have Love’, a collection of violent and vulnerable songs, have been drip-fed to us, each one a slightly different shade. King Nun have never been so versatile, and never made it look quite so easy.

“One thing that we’re trying to do is absolutely be a punk band with a violent direction, but see if we can take away the clichés that are often associated with it.” Theo said. “That’s what we tried to achieve with ‘I Have Love’: I went through a beautiful, magnificent breakup – it really was fantastic – and because of that, when we went into band practice, I was like ‘Guys, I think we should do an EP just full of love songs’ - but love songs with a violent intent in sound. I was exploring this whole idea of how you can have catharsis from a punk song, and how you can learn to help your situation through being completely down and out.”

Love songs, for a band with a reputation for lo-fi songs that spit and snarl, would seem like a contradiction. “We said we’d make the EP into a much cleaner thing” he began to explain. “We’d take down the distortion a bit and all the effects, so the aim was that you could play any of these songs acoustically and it would still come across like a punk song. We wanted it to be punk and rock’n’roll, but the messages behind it and the way they would be conveyed would be like an old-fashioned love song. Over the way that it was produced and recorded, these things kind of blended together.” The contradiction in style what made ‘I Have Love’ come together: Theo’s vocals cut sharply through a runaway instrumental on ‘Chinese Medicine’, whereas ‘Heavenly She Comes’ sees King Nun throw caution to the wind, drowning in a morass of sound.

Something you’d never have supposed is that Theo was deeply influenced by folk songs during the EP’s production. Though you’d think folk music was the furthest thing from King Nun’s punk identity, Theo explains how the two aren’t as many worlds apart as you might think: “’Revelator’ by Gillian Welch cuts to the bone so hard it may as well be a punk song. It has this initial machine gun reaction, yet it’s completely clean, single-stringed acoustic. Her voice is very, very delicate. The bridge between these two things, between a really toned-down folk song and a really in-your-face punk song is almost the same effect - it’s just a different message. Bob Dylan’s more more down to earth sings like ‘Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright’ has the same effect as something that just explodes in your face. In some ways, it’s far more cutting than that. The marriage of these two things is not entirely ridiculous.”  

Despite a smattering of singles which laid the foundations for their success, ‘I Have Love’ was King Nun’s first, official body of work. The pressure was, at times, taxing on Theo’s creativity: it was the first time he stumbled into a writer’s block. “We were working on a new project that we’re actually still working on now, and we’d just finished the EP. I was still thinking about it, because we had to keep going in and re-recording little bits and still deciding if we were going to have a particular song on the EP or not. The time came to do the lyrics for this massive project which has got loads of songs in it, and I just couldn’t come up with anything good at all. The way that I ended up getting through it was just writing absolute gibberish and trying to decode what the hell I was talking about. I just started setting up scenarios almost like scriptwriter, writing out narratives and scenes. Narrative is something that I’m really trying to work on and progress on, so I think focusing on that particular thing I knew I wasn’t so good at was really what got me through. Starting from then, it began to make sense. Repeatedly hitting my head against a wall is how I got past it.” he joked.

It's a question all bands grapple with, right from the start all the way up to the highest rung of the ladder. At what point can Theo sit back and think, ‘Yeah, we’ve made it’? “That’s an incredibly difficult question to answer.” he admits. “The mantra of how we do things is to inspire as we have been inspired on as large a scale as possible. We’ve seen it before when someone would put our band name next to a band that inspired us initially, or comparing our sound to theirs, and us thinking ‘Maybe they felt the same listening to us as they did listening to them?’, and maybe in turn what we felt listening to that particular band. We want to reach a level where we’re playing the venues that we’ve always freaked out over when we were growing up.”

The elephant in the room was the fact that King Nun had the golden ticket: they are one of the Dirty Hit elite. For a band as humble as they are to be part of a label where the likes of Matty Healy and Ellie Rowsell trample their way to the top of the album charts in their jadons for the fun of it, what was it like getting signed? “We went there thinking we were going to get a specific deal. Then we spoke to Jamie O’Borne, the man in charge, and he had so much more passion for our music than we’d ever seen in any label before. It would often happen when we’d have to say ‘Have you heard our band? Do you even like the music?’, because they’d have this whole façade where they’d sign you and then you’d go off and do some shit. But Jamie was so invested and so excited, it was really exciting for us – we got excited about our own band. The deal that we got offered showed he had considerably more faith than we’d ever dreamed of.”

Apart from when his superstitions get the better of him, saluting magpies and clicking his fingers to have all the luck he can get for a gig – a surprisingly exhausting thing to do - what challenges does Theo and King Nun face at this point in their careers? “I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently, and it’s super awkward and weird, but our biggest challenge is dealing with an audience that’s a bit out of control, or certain characters who are just up to no good, whether that be being violent, or whatever. The thing is, from there, you’ve got to address that. We came up with ‘Greasy Hotel’ so we could come up with an opening, so that I wouldn’t have to dive into it out of nowhere, and know that’s what we’re about straight from the off. Especially for new bands, it’s a really daunting feeling to realise that something might go down and you’re responsible to fix that. Aside from that,” he shrugs, “I’m fucking chill.”

You can’t really ask questions about the release of an EP without the inevitable "album question". Though bands, as a general rule, never want to reveal their secrets (a bit like magicians), this is what Theo could tell: “‘The album is going to get super dark, super fucked up. By playing punk music, suddenly I developed an appetite for ‘I want to write some shit. I want to see blood and gore and veins and the teeth.’ I want to create something that’s haunting in places and just really disturbed in others. Then, narratively, I want to tie it all in a lift at the end, which is my favourite kind of ending. It’s not going to be as happy as ‘I Have Love’: it’s going to be dystopian.”