#maybe i should release a post about misha's coming out i think i have it in my drafts | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

angelz-dust · 3 years

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masters of none - part 4 (jason todd x reader)

summary: after many months, we are back in action and back in reader’s head. pls enjoy these jason crumbs. if you need a refresher on the plot, the other chapters will be linked below!

word count: 3.7k

warnings: food/eating. alcohol. cursing.

part 1 /// part 2 //// part 3

gravity

ever since i ever felt ya, right there life couldn't seem better. tulip flowers in my sweater. ask me now, is this forever?

…

you rested your chin on the table before you, your arms hanging limply between your knees as you listened to your manager, dana. you were really just watching her mouth open and close while she pointed at a powerpoint. god, what you would've given for an extra hour of sleep. the all nighters in the studio were starting to take a toll.

the feeling of the back of daisy’s soft hands brought you back to earth. the smell of cocoa butter dancing beneath your nostrils as her smooth engagement ring rolled across your cheek. you breathed in her smell, exhaling in content through your nose.

“you good?” she mouthed and you closed your eyes, giving her a little nod. the bassist rubbed her calloused fingers against your forehead, pushing strands of your hair past your hairline. you pouted when she eventually pulled away, leaving you only with the sensation of touch that once was.

you heard tyler shift in his seat and then felt some air graze against your hand. you looked under the table, noticing he was holding something out to you. you two made eye contact briefly before you scooted back in, grabbing what felt like an envelope. looking down at your lap, you saw a sticky note attached to it. jason’s money was what it said. you carefully put the envelope in your jacket pocket, sitting back in your seat now and looking at dana’s powerpoint. she was going over reports from your publicist, jerry, which you didn't particularly care about.

“now, i have to ask,” dana’s words pierced your bubble of inattention. “have you all thought about what i said about this next album?”

jordy raised his hand like a school kid. “yes?”

“y/n and i decided that we'd be okay with making our album a group project. it has been, admittedly, kinda hard and boring without everyone else. we’d honestly be doing ourselves a disservice by not doing it together,” jordy explained, dana clapping her hands together.

“wonderful,” she nodded, keeping her hands clasped. “i know you two were excited to do your own thing, but i was talking to jerry and he was really pressing me to get a group album from you guys. the people wanna see you guys as a unit of established artists, which you all are. so what's the concept? we never discussed it.”

“uh,” you verbally paused, raising your arms above your head to stretch. “disco, jazz, and funk. it's a mix of those.”

“retro is in right now,” dana nodded, pacing around the room. “how far back will this set us on a release date?”

you grimaced, leaning back in your seat, the back of the seat lightly bouncing as it absorbed your weight. you pondered the question for a moment. “if it’s gonna be a group thing, it'll have to be significantly longer. we have a decent starting off point but i'm gonna need way more songs now.”

“what about the rest of you? any tracks that we could swing?” dana asked, looking at the rest of the group.

grabbing a pen and piece of scrap paper, you started jotting down notes as everyone spoke out to you. dex and quinton didn’t have anything, but they wouldn’t be a problem. you just needed to give them a beat to rap over and you’d be set. the twins had a finished song already that fit the concept, which was good. with tyler’s voice and aly’s excellent song writing abilities, you doubted very seriously that anything else needed to be done to it. daisy and hector had plenty of lyricless songs, too. funk and soul was their specialty, after all. misha even had a demo track she was willing to share.

you looked over the notes you had taken, tapping your pen on the table as you hummed to yourself. “this could probably work. we’ll need to go over everything in the studio, though.”

“we should just do it now. no one is doing shit else today, right?” dex asked the group, who all shook their head.

“i have a request,” you raised your finger, looking at dana. “i want gotham to be involved in this project.”

“gotham…” dana repeated slowly, unsure of what you meant. “care to elaborate?”

“music videos directed by student directors from gotham university, commissioning local artists for album art. dancers, actors, musicians, whatever. all of them have to be from gotham. i don't want any of the money we put into this project leaving this city,” you stated firmly, dana giving you a blank look.

“i like that idea,” hector said, giving you a kind smile before turning to dana, shifting in his seat. the drummer was like a big brother, always backing you up in moments like these. “accessibility to the arts is really limited here and we should change that.”

“i’d rather give back to the city, too,” quinton agreed, playing with the gold cross hanging from his neck. “we’re one of the only groups in gotham known outside of gotham. we should use that as an opportunity to rep our city.”

“it sounds like you have your minds made up on this,” dana narrowed her eyes, letting out a sigh. “it would definitely be good PR.”

“because god forbid we do something out of the kindness of our hearts,” misha laughed, rolling her eyes. “we're trying to put the city on and you're worried about how it makes us look.”

“that's my job, misha. don't you want me to do my job?” dana retorted. “besides, i'm more concerned with the funding. you all don't have disposable income, believe it or not.”

“but i know someone who does,” she said with a singsong tone, giving you a look.

“i hope you're not referring to me,” you deadpanned. your income was far from disposable.

“i’m referring to our good friend, bruce wayne,” she explained, grabbing a business card out of her purse, handing it over to dana. “ever since i got invited to that charity gala, i've had a direct line to a representative with the wayne foundation. i say we ask them to help fund the project.”

“now that could work,” dana admitted, eyeing the card as she tapped her foot. “if we pitch for more youth involvement, it'll probably go over better. we all know how much bruce wayne loves saving the children.”

you frowned at how dana described bruce’s initiatives as a philanthropist. you were sure his motivations for favoring youth projects were good intentioned, considering his parents had been killed when he was just a little boy. you wanted to go into this good intentioned, too and you hoped that they'd agree. they being the wayne foundation and subsequently, bruce himself.

“ty and quinton could do something with forrester. if we’re going for the youth involvement route, i mean,” aly spoke up.

“forrester correctional. our old stomping grounds,” quinton sighed wistfully as he patted tyler on the shoulder. “i think that would be a good idea.”

“they use the arts as an outlet for them, so it could be beneficial for everyone,” tyler nodded. “there are a lot of good kids there. just unfortunate circumstances, that’s all.”

“wasn’t one of bruce’s son’s a troublemaker before he was adopted?” aly continued, not noticing the look you and tyler shared. “i’m sure he’d probably be interested in doing something with them if his son comes from the same background.”

“it’s settled, then. you all keep working on the music. jerry and i will handle the rest. we need this album out before hector and daisy’s wedding,” dana said, grabbing her suitcase.

…

hey, i have your money. did you still want it?

you stared down at the unsent message, your thumb floating over the send arrow. you hadn’t spoken to jason since that night after the race, as per his request. your mind kept wandering back to it, even as time still went on. what happened was scary, to say the least. fun, but scary. you wondered how the hell jason didn’t get the two of you killed. that part, you didn't want to think about too hard. everyone in gotham had their secrets and it was an unspoken rule amongst citizens to not pry. secrets were secrets for a reason. nothing good ever came from unearthing them.

speaking of secrets, you hadn't exactly told tyler and quinton what happened that night. not in detail. you conveniently left out the chase and stopping to get something to eat. omitting the first part was obvious, but the second one was for your own sanity. you didn't need them teasing you over nothing. besides, all that mattered was no one was dead or arrested. and for the way the three of you used to get down, that was a win.

you considered texting jason earlier this week, just to check in on him, but you decided against it. he obviously wanted you to text him and you obviously had to do the opposite. his little mind game wasn’t going to work on you. you pressed send, frowning immediately as you did so.

maybe it already had.

“it’s too many people in this bitch,” dex sighed, the cold of the water bottle you had asked him for against your hand bringing you back to reality. blinking, you were suddenly very aware of the chaos surrounding you in the studio as you put your phone back in your pocket. you looked to your left, where jordy was leaning against the wall and scrolling through his phone. to your right was aly, who was scribbling in her songbook in the chair next to you. you remembered you were supposed to be working, too. “we need a new stu.”

“i’m working on it!” hector hollered from inside the booth as he and daisy were setting up equipment and instruments. you glanced up at the glass in front when you heard his voice, accidentally catching the pair share a little kiss. you quickly averted your gaze, smiling to yourself.

“new stu, new view, what it do?” quinton began to freestyle to a beat he was making on the coffee table in front of him. “off 92, posted up with southside crew.”

“okay,” dex laughed, noddinh his head as he was vibing with the beat, making his way out of your line of sight. you heard someone, presumably tyler, join in and add some depth to the beat. it sounded like he was hitting a pencil against a shot glass.

“i got a new boo, but i’m tryna slide with misha, too,” quinton continued, dex adlibbing in the back as quinton lowered his voice to his signature melodic whisper. “on the low, nobody gotta know.”

“would you shut the fuck up?” you heard misha say, followed by a barrage of muffled smacking noises and verbal objections from quinton, who you assumed was on the receiving end of what sounded like an assault by pillow.

laughing to yourself, you leaned your head in aly’s direction, not fully facing her. “pass me the flash drive?” you held your hand out weakly. once you felt the plastic in your palm, you leaned back over and put it into the computer, pulling up the proper files.

“we’re done back here,” daisy smiled at you, she and hector coming out from the booth.

you clapped your hands together. “wonderful. everybody shut up, please.”

you pulled up the twin’s song and let it play, your eyes fixed on the colorful audio loops on the screen. the green ones were tyler’s vocals, the purple were aly’s. it looked like blue was reserved for instruments and red was any added sound effects or layered sounds.

“you two sound really great,” jordy walked up behind aly’s seat, leaning against it as he swayed his head to the beat.

“thanks. i wrote it with our mother in mind,” aly said, the words coming out of her mouth uncomfortably. you placed your hand on hers and gave it a little squeeze, which earned you a look of appreciation.

“it's missing something, though,” tyler scratched the back of his head. “i need the producer squad to give us some assistance.”

“oh, say less,” dex laughed, snapping his fingers to the beat with one hand and holding his glass of hennessy in the other. he danced his way over, taking aly’s seat as she, tyler and jordy moved to give you all some space.

misha sauntered her way over, sitting against the table and flipping her hair over her shoulder. the smell of her sweet perfume floated in the air around you. “i think it just needs some fluffing up. some snapping might work. more vocal layering in certain spots.”

“i agree,” you nodded, dex letting out a satisfied sigh as he took a sip of his cold drink.

“is it good?” misha asked him teasingly and he took his final swig, letting out a more dramatic and drawn out sigh. this time, though, it was on beat with the song. you were pretty sure it was unintentional on his part, since he and misha just shared a laugh before returning their attention to the screen.

after a moment of pondering, you swiveled around in your chair, looking at tyler. “okay, hear me out…”

…

two weeks of very diligent working between the nine of you had given you a lot to work with for the album. all that was left was to start putting things together. you still had a ways to go, but you had a good starting off point. as much as you hated to admit it, it was a good call on dana’s part to have you all do a group album. the fans seemed to be greatly anticipating the release and the work ethic the nine of you shared was incredible. even in that cramped little studio, you all made it work.

you all agreed to take the day off, but you were still working at some capacity. you had just traded one small space for another, working in your walk-in closet/home studio for the day. you still needed said walk-in to function as a closet, so there were still garment bags pushed up into a corner and shoe boxes haphazardly stacked, surrounding your desk that you had shoved in there. there was just enough space for you to move your chair and safely get out without twisting an ankle, a fate you often flirted with in that room.

in the spirit of your day off, you hadn't done anything too difficult. you were just trying to decide what order you wanted the completed songs to go in. it may seem like an insignificant detail, but the order was important. the transitions between songs couldn't be jarring for the listener. everything had to flow together with natural progression. at this point, it didn't matter since you weren't done with the album, but it was just giving you an idea of how to fill the gaps with future songs.

the sound of your growling stomach indicated that it was time to stop for the day. you quickly saved all your work and headed to the kitchen. you popped some leftovers in the microwave and scrolled on twitter while you waited. the microwave beeped at you, so you set your phone back down and grabbed the bowl, mixing up the contents with your fork. the flash of light coming from your phone got your attention. a text notification.

are you home?

oh, so now he wanted to respond? cute.

despite your annoyance with the situation, you quickly responded with a yes and set the phone back down. you leaned against the counter, eating what little food you had in your reheated bowl. you mixed the contents around with your fork, grumbling. stupid jason and his stupid inability to text back. he could have at least had the decency to leave you on read. he probably didn't even have read receipts on. you weren't sure which was worse. tossing your now empty bowl into the sink, you grabbed your phone to read his next message.

i’ll be over soon.

soon was very vague and you wished that you would've demanded an exact time, but that opportunity had passed by the time you thought about it. you busied yourself with tidying up, trying to make your place look presentable. you even lit your new candle, which you found yourself focusing your attention on while you waited for him to show up. staring at the flame was much more entrancing than you anticipated.

you heard the door buzzer go off. you weren't expecting anyone else, so it had to be him. you leaned against the wall, pressing your finger to the button.

“who goes there?” you presented the question as a joke, but your tone was a little flat.

“it’s the irs,” jason’s voice came through and you buzzed him in.

not too long after, you heard him knock on the door. you cracked it open and the first thing you noticed was his cologne. it was a strong but pleasant scent. spicy and sweet. it was very intoxicating, actually. so much so that you almost forgot you were angry at him.

“hi.”

“hello.”

you opened the door fully and handed the envelope to him. jason eyed it suspiciously. he opened it up and began to count it out in front of you. he made an effort to do it very slow, the sound of the crisp dollars echoing in the quiet hall. his eyes stayed glued to yours as he counted out loud. you leaned against the doorframe as you watched.

“six… seven… eight,” he said, pulling out his wallet and stuffing it with the cash. “thought you would've skimmed some off the top.”

“i should have with how long you made me wait,” you said matter of factly, letting your annoyance be known now.

“i know. i’m sorry,” he sounded honest but you couldn't see it in his face or in his eyes, which was worrisome. it was a nice alternative to listening to a sputter of excuses, though. “let me make it up to you?”

“how do you plan on doing that?”

“i’m so glad you asked,” he smiled. “as it turns out, i've recently come into some money. let me spend it on you?”

“so you like throwing money at your problems?” you asked him. well, you weren't really asking. it was more like you were telling him.

“no,” he said, sounding a little offended. “i just thought-”

“you just thought that throwing money at me would make me forget about the fact that you ignored me for a month.”

“no, no,” he shook his head, sighing in frustration. “listen, i-”

“i really don't wanna hear it,” you said honestly, watching as his frustrated look turned into kicked puppy. you almost felt bad. “i don't like feeling stupid, jason. that's how i feel right now. i want you to make it up to me but you'll have to be a bit more creative than this.”

“you want me to make it up to you?” jason had repeated, confusion on his face.

you poked him harshly in the chest. “you do that or you leave me alone. those are your options. goodbye.”

you shut the door in his face and let out the breath you were holding in. you weren’t sure how jason was going to react to your little ultimatum, but those were your terms. you liked him but you weren’t going to stress over someone you barely knew, especially with your assumptions about him floating around in your head.

“i’ll be right back,” you heard him say through the door, catching you off guard.

“what?”

“don’t go anywhere.”

you didn’t respond but you heard his footsteps getting quieter as he walked down the hall. the elevator ding indicated that he had left. you stood there, confused as to what it was he was trying to do. you were still stewing in your negative emotions, so you went and busied yourself again. you decided the dishes needed washing and got on it right away. in the middle of scrubbing the stubborn sauce stains out of your plate, you heard your door buzzer go off again.

so he did come back after all. interesting.

you buzzed him in like you did before and waited by the door for him. he knocked and when you opened it, you were met with two gifts: a bouquet of pink tulips and a small box of something from the bakery around the corner.

“i shouldn’t have ignored you. it was rude and stupid and i’m sorry. it won’t happen again,” he said to you, holding out the items to you. you hesitantly accepted them, taking the opportunity to look through the plastic opening of the box to see chocolate covered strawberries.

“it better not happen again,” you pouted, looking up at him. you had to appreciate the effort he put in at such short notice. it was a sweet gesture and he actually looked sorry this time.

“it won’t,” he assured you and you smiled.

“i forgive you. but you’re on thin fucking ice,” you reminded him and he grinned at you with a nod.

“i’m going to make it up to you. just you wait,” he said confidently. “not all of us are naturally creative like you, though. you gotta give me some time to think of something else.”

“seems like you’re getting your feet wet with the flower selection,” you noted, taking a whiff of the delicate and fresh scent. they’d look nice on your coffee table.

“lady at the shop said they would convey my sincerest apologies,” he explained, a hopeful look in his eyes. “did it work?”

“for now,” you shrugged, setting the items down on the table next to the door.

“i can accept that.”

“you’re gonna have to because that’s all i’m giving you,” you said firmly. his charm wasn’t going to get him out of this one. not completely. “now go away. i want to eat my berries in peace.”

“i’ll text you as soon as i get the chance,” he told you as you were shutting the door. you peered at him, narrowing your eyes before shutting it again. “i’m serious!”

“goodbye, jason!” you said through the door. you heard his faint farewell as you walked away, plopping on the couch with your dessert in hand.

were you still a little mad at him? yes. but you weren’t going to pass up free stuff, even if you had made all that fuss about the money earlier. at least the gifts had some thought behind them. so long as he held up his end of the deal, you had a feeling being friends with jason wouldn’t be that bad.

hopefully, anyway.

#jason todd x reader #red hood x reader #dc x reader #jason todd #red hood

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supernaturallyobsessedchic · 3 years

Text

The Musician Next Door

[Close enough for me, Gif credit to @jensenacklescious]

Square: Vancouver ( @supernatural-jackles tell a story bingo)

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Summary: The reader is an extra on Supernatural, and has a musical talent. But little did she know her music attracted the attention of her neighbor.

Warnings: Nothing bad, just fluff, sweet music (I recommend searching on YouTube to listen to while reading), and some comedy.

Word Count: 1,860

Main Masterlist

Bingo Masterlist

Mobile Masterlist

A/N: A small teaser of a possible series I have in mind thanks to Jensen’s recent Instagram post. But this is not going to be the series, it’s something similar. But still, I hope you like it. :3

She’s always wanted to come to this city. Well she’s always wanted to go to Canada, Vancouver was just the plus side.

And, an ever more plus side was the job she managed to grab. An extra on her favorite show. Supernatural.

Sure it was its last and final season and they were finishing up but with having a limited number of extras due to the pandemic she was one of the few they needed.

She drove down the towns streets, seeing it’s lights shimmer in the night. Making her smile softly at the scenery. Another reason she loved Vancouver. It was such a beautiful city.

She got to her apartment complex, the same one her friend lived in. And she learns quickly who her neighbors are.

After getting rather bored on day 3 into quarantine, she looked at her music set. She knew how to play piano and guitar.

She turns on the electric piano, picking the grand piano setting she begins to play with a few keys. Playing nonsense sounds, but a pleasant melody.

She then began leading into one of her favorites. Her favorite anime show, Inuyasha, playing his lullaby piano song.

Playing at the pace of the song, relaxing as she continued to play. After finishing one verse she began singing lightly with the music.

She began to slow the music as it came to a close. She paused for a brief second before playing more.

She began to play Beethoven’s Moonlight Sentra first movement. And blending the end of it with Supernatural’s Dean’s Family Dedication Theme song.

A tear slipping down her cheek as she remembers this is the last time the show will air. She knows how it will end. They all knew. She doesn’t like it, but she didn’t voice it.

She finished the song with a nice peaceful and gentle end. Till her phone buzzed.

“That was beautiful sweetheart, can I make a request?”

The number belonging to Jensen Ackles. Her heart fluttered in her chest. Turns out he was her neighbor. Who would have thought she had an audience of one listening.

“Sure, what would you like to listen to me play…or attempt to play?” she texts back.

She saw him read it quickly before seeing the jumping three dots, showing he’s typing something.

“I am working on a song for my second album, if I send you a sample of it, could you try to bring it to life on the piano?”

Her heart rate skyrocketed. A song that hasn’t even been released yet, but also still in the works she was going to listen to.

“Sure, let me see what you got.” She texts.

He sent her the audio file to her phone promptly, playing it on her headphones, she can hear the notes coming to her.

Giving it a few play throughs, listening intently to the notes on the guitar, his words being sung. She looked at her keys on her piano and began playing around. Until she found the right notes.

Learning the piano, she didn’t learn the traditional way. She taught herself. Just messing around on the family’s grand piano, she learned the simple twinkle little star. Then an armature Amazing Grace. She had an ear for music, she let the music flow through her like wind blowing through her hair. The way the breeze felt on her skin. Making music felt like that to her.

She began playing the song, even singing the song to help her timing with the next verse and the next verse after that.

Once finished, she noticed it had gotten late.

“It was nice playing for you Jay, but I need to head to bed.”

“Okay, goodnight. Sleep well.”

All throughout quarantine she had been playing with her instruments. Entertaining Jensen mostly, but it also relaxes her.

But on their first day on set, after being tested and gotten the okay to head on the sound stage for blocking she went to see Jensen.

Seeing him and Jared walking together to the sound stage, she couldn’t help but chuckle to herself at how much like brothers they were.

“There she is the little musician next door.” Jensen says, coming to her, wrapping an arm around her.

“He told me you play piano, do you really?” Jared asked.

“I do a little bit; it’s been a while.”

“Well, it’s like riding a bike. You never forget. You were so good.” Jensen comments.

“Aw, thanks Jay.”

“Got any new songs to play tonight or…can I make a request again?”

“You can always make a request. Besides, I was writing this song and I just need to get the notes right, the words right and then I’m posting it to my YouTube Channel.”

“Doing YouTube now, huh?”

“Yeah, I’m trying it out. I can’t seem to enjoy a single day job I get. I enjoy jobs like this. Acting, where I can tell a story. Writing, where I can create the story. Music, just creating good sounding, relaxing and calming music.”

“You are such an amazing creator; I think you’ll do great as a YouTube creator.”

“You think so?”

“Totally, right Jare?”

“For sure, hey, do vlogging, give us a behind the scenes.”

“I’m not sure about vlogging, that requires being in front of the camera. And I’m so camera shy.”

“Yet you’re an extra on Supernatural.” Jensen smirks.

“Okay, maybe…I don’t know what it is. But I just don’t want to vlog, okay.”

“It’s okay.” Jared says.

Later that day, she can’t get her thoughts together back at the apartment. She paced back and forth. From the kitchen to the balcony and back around. She was beyond distracted.

“Jay, are you available for hanging out for a little. I can’t focus.” She texts him.

A moment passes when she thought he might have been busy.

“Yeah, just had to get a pizza out of the oven. Want to come over and just chill for a bit?”

“Sure, I just can’t focus on my music right now.”

“It’s fine. Come on over.”

Putting on her shoes she walks over next door to Jensen’s apartment.

Knocking on the door she hears his dog barking.

“Quiet Icarus.” She could hear him beyond the door shushing his dog. Making her chuckle.

“Hey,” he says opening the door. “Come on in.”

She enters, taking her shoes off at his door.

“Want some pizza?”

“Sure,”

Jensen grabs two plates out, giving each two slices of pizza. And walking over to the couch. Turning on his apple tv.

He turns it onto Netflix, Orange is the new black.

But halfway through his second slice he notices she’s not paying attention to the tv. But instead is looking outside. Eating in silence.

“What’s on your mind?” he asks kindly.

“A lot. Stuff going on at home. This whole YouTube thing being real, I just don’t know what I’m doing anymore. It just seems like I’m just going with it.”

“Nothing wrong with going with the flow. But, this stuff at home, how bad is it?”

“It’s nothing bad, I can handle it. it just takes a lot of mental power to get myself past it. You know.”

“For sure.”

They sat back in silence.

“Here, how about we go for a little walk on the town. That should help relax you a bit.” Jensen suggests, as he finishes his pizza. Y/N not even halfway through her first slice.

“Where to?”

“Nowhere, just out for a little relaxing walk. Come on, and grab a jacket it’s supposed to be a little chilly.”

Jensen may not have had a destination in mind, but he knew one place that would help her relax.

The ports, anywhere where there was ocean. He noticed in her posts on Instagram, when she’s at a tropical beach she looks relaxed and at peace with everything. And she knew deep down, once she saw the sun setting by the waters and seeing what they were walking up towards, she knew that he knew.

She felt herself calm at the sight.

“See, you look relaxed already.”

“Thanks Jay, I really appreciated this.”

“It’s not a problem.” he says. Leaning kissing her atop her head with an arm wrapped around her shoulder.

“That jacket’s not warm enough, is it?”

“No, not really.”

A small shiver shook through her as she said that.

He chuckles. “Lets get you home and warm you up.” he says, leaning in, pecking a sweet kiss on her cheek. A centimeter too close to her lips.

Y/N looked up at him with a smirk.

“What was that?”

“It was a kiss, why…”

“You were a bit close to my lips Jay…are you trying to tell me something?” she gives him a playful smirk.

“Okay,” he rubs the back of his neck. “I may like you, since the first day you and I met on set. You kind of took my breath away.”

Her heart pounded in her chest as her face heated up at the comment. Making Jensen smile with a chuckle.

“I, uh…I like you too Jay. I thought it might be a crush thing but, it just wouldn’t shake. I really, really like you.”

Jensen had a smile that went from ear to ear. He brought her in a tight embrace, holding her close.

“I know what you’ve been through. And I want to be there for you, to help you through it all.” He says.

“Thank you Jay, I want to be there for you too.” She says.

She pulls away slightly to look up at him. She could see his eyes glide down from her eyes to her lips as he slowly leans in. Planting a soft kiss fully on her lips.

Their lips moving in a soft dance with each other, his tongue grazing her bottom lip silently asking for permission. She parts her lips at the right moment to allow him in and dominate her mouth in the kiss.

Just when their kiss grew hungry, and their skin began to heat up at the attraction and arousal.

“Finally!”

They pulled away, stunned at the exclamation. Seeing Jared walking down the sidewalk, facetime on revealing Misha.

“It’s about time you two got together!” Misha shouted on the phone.

Y/N’s face heated up once again, hiding against Jensen’s chest. Jensen chuckling.

“Yeah, finally you two can stop with the longing stares and the…does she like me? Does he like me?” Jared says.

“How’d you know we came down here?”

“I didn’t, I saw you and I saw her, and I couldn’t help myself.” Jared smiled.

The couple chuckling.

“You two were being such idiots.”

“Well, we can be idiots together, now, do you mind?” Jensen says.

“Oh, right, get back to making out with your girl. See you two on set, you better have hickey’s to show for it!” Jared shouts as he walks away.

Jensen and Y/N just rolling their eyes, giving each other a quick chaste kiss before walking back to the apartment.

Only he walked back with her to her apartment and sat with her as she played her music, even joining in turning it into a sweet duet.

a/n: What’d you think? Let me know, feedback is always appreciated.

Dean/Jensen Girls:

@pandazombie69, @luci-in-trenchcoats, @supernatural-jackles, @becs-bunker, @jayankles, @winchesters-favorite-girl, @mlovesstories, @akshi8278, @flamencodiva, @megzdoodle, @anotherspnfanfic, @misfit0118, @shawnie74, @missmemoire09, @racetrackheart, @spnbaby-67, @moonlight-on-her-skin, @backseat-of-deans-67chevy, @salt-n-burn-em-all, @lyarr24

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incarnateirony · 3 years

Note

Me, only casually liking cockles and apparently not following anyone involved in drama: what... TF is going on? Who is Patrick.

Okay so Patrick is an unfortunately popular account that loves to accuse me of random things like cult like language because I don’t release my information (despite all the scripts I’ve posted) while he tells everyone he’s going to ask his super secret inside source of BlurryFaceCoffeeRunner to confirm whatever random detail he’s about to editorialize. He generally fails actual fact checks or in the very least a lot of it falls down and you realize it went through three translation chambers before he framed it for the public, but he’s just accurate enough that people continue to buy into his stuff and run into his DMs per his request. But sure, I’m the cultish one.

*rubs temples* anyway, Patrick poses as a multishipper that supports Destiel and Misha but hangs out with famous antis like quickreaver, and tends to get into manipulative discourse like shitting in one hand to say there’s not enough proof Dean is bi and fans are pushing things, only to turn around and because he prefers other ships say things like “Sam is canon queer because there’s no proof he ISN’T.” and then acts like he can’t see why people are calling him a hypocrite. The gaslighting levels are EXTREME.

Anyway, Patrick--known as tfwbtw or teamfreewillbettertogether -- is now opportunistically jumping on cockles fandom to shit on them all over the behavior of one dude who has like, maybe a handful of defenders while most people--cockles shippers or otherwise--are disgusted by his behavior.

This other guy’s name is MikesChaoticGay or something like that, but we just call him Man On Twitter. Man On Twitter has had some majestically fucked up takes, a sovereign of shit posting as a presentation, a ruler of rich horse shit.

Takes include:

- Cockles owe us to come out, especially Jensen, as a form of representation

- Someone should confront them/Jensen about their relationship at a con.

- They shouldn't "act gay" if they don't want to be outted.

- They should stop "acting gay" if they don't come out.

- Everyone should blast whatever evidence they have of them being together on main, and if a media outlet picks it up, *good*--his take, not mine.

- Warped takes via Pat’s pre-existing megaphone about Pat’s framed question and how Jensen nodded along.

- Hankies can only be used for queer code signaling. The BDSM straights can not apply. Cowboys can not apply. Jensen is clearly signaling he likes fisting on stage. He demands proof that anyone in texas uses hankies.

See, Pat framed “My male friend said he sees Castiel’s confession as brothers in arms, what do you think?” to which Jensen replied, “I could buy that.”

I don’t know about you, but I’ve never heard someone say “I could buy that” as their first thought as much as, yeah sure, I guess someone could take it like that. That’s not a “yeah, it’s brothers in arms”, it’s “huh, didn’t think about it like that, but you do you.” But then Pat got fandom worked up over this take and then Man On twitter amplified this take and said Jensen made it relative and that Fucks The Queers rather than him trying not to disrespect someone’s take or whatever which he gets flamed over any time he does it.

So now Man On Twitter has decided Jensen owes everyone coming out for representation for the “wrongs” he’s done and should be confronted about it or even outted by media taking notice, because apparently Man On Twitter didn’t learn from the Misha/Bill Clinton trend incident AT ALL. Then Pat comes back around and points at Man On Twitter to say LOOK HOW AWFUL THE COCKLES FANS ARE.

Like it’s literally them wanking each other off mutually and I’d really love for them to get a room to work out their tension and leave us--and JenMish-- out of it entirely. Instead Man On Twitter is writing these filibuster rants that take 8 screencaps to post and pretend he's a victim for his behavior being called out and like

Anyway beyond who Pat's choosing to shit on and who he's talking to and who they're shitting on, removing that element, Man On Twitter is so fucked up we've reached a point where Pat is even making sense and I want to get out of this timeline.

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cowboylikedean · 3 years

Text

Now that I’ve had time to sit with all of this, my feelings are.... complicated.

The thing is... I was finished. I was done. I watched seasons 11-14 out of respect for my past, my history, my time, my life. I was watching season 15 out of respect for the show. To see it out to the end, to give it the opportunity and respect to be finished. But I was already done.

And then they did one of the three (3) things that could bring me back.

And I feel so... manipulated?

I kinda feel like Buffy in season 6 talking about coming back from heaven. “I was finished, complete. And I was happy. But I was torn out of there, ripped out... by my friends.”

Because I was happy. I was happy in that I had made peace. I knew that I loved the original seasons 1-5 arc, that my favorite season was 7, that season 8 was when I started to really not enjoy myself, that season 9 is when I lost all ability to enjoy the show, that I only watched season 10 for the 200th and the nostalgia presented in that episode was fun, but it carried me for two or three weeks and then.... I let go. I had made peace with never getting that back. I was never going to watch this show and have fun again, unless I was rewatching 1-7, and that was okay. I didn’t need to enjoy it. I didn’t need anything. The writers were terrible and I knew that but it was okay. I didn’t have to trust them or have faith in them or generally give a shit because they were bad writers phoning it in for a pay check and that’s fine... If you can, you can I guess. I mean it’s bullshit but like I was okay.

But now.... Now I care again. Now I need and want something from them. Now I’m worried about the fact that I don’t trust them and I think they’re all shitty writers phoning it in for a paycheck because now I care about what happens.

And I’m pissed.

Because out of those three things, they chose the ONE that I resent the most.

Those three things are (1) They kill Sam. This is clearly my favorite, and if they were gonna do one I wish they’d done this especially if it was at Dean’s hands. He’d never have a happy ending after killing Sam, but I would. (2) They kill Dean. This would have been a cut and dry “let’s go kill someone” charge. I would have had my appropriate moment of outrage and disgust. I’d be seeing Sam-stans and Cas-stans write their long metas about how “it’s actually a perfect ending for Dean” and see destiel wannabes write their mourning fics like it was cute and be justified in every spec of anger I’ve ever felt.

But they chose (3) Destiel goes canon. I get no satisfaction from this... But I do get my sense of nostalgia played upon. I get used for views with nothing in return. Well... Maybe that’s not accurate, I get something, but it’s not...

I stopped shipping destiel 2 seasons before I finished watching. Season 8 was the last time I shipped it in any serious fashion. I sat through the wild and incredible queerbaiting that was Jeremy Carver’s run of the show.... and honestly for what?! I was here in the hiatus between seasons 7 and 8, leading up to what we, the fandom, called “season gr8″ which it was only named because of queerbaiting. And I fell for it. I drank the koolaid every single week in season 8. I wrote metas and posts, my fb memories are filled with posts insisting that “this would be the week.”

“It’s not queerbaiting if they make it canon,” I’d say. “It’s a slow burn, a long build. A will-they-won’t-they.” I felt like my fellow fans who were getting increasingly more aggressive with the cast and crew had just “lost faith.” that if they saw the big picture, that Dean and Cas were an epic love story that didn’t need immediate payoff, they could enjoy all the little moments we were getting without demanding more.

By the time I left the show, I no longer expected they’d make it canon... but more importantly, neither did I want them to. By that time, Dean had been put through the ringer being the emotional support for every character, the punching bag, the background to everyone else’s stories because no other actor could pull the emotion Jensen could. Dean had everything he had despite the other characters’ stories and emotions. He was seen by the fandom and most of the writing staff as a filler, an extension. He was one half of a relationship - romantic or not - not his own person. He was “the dumb one” and characterized in really stupid ways. You can see it as recently as 15x16 when a writer who has written one other episode of the show and clearly never actually watched the show especially the flashback episodes. Dean was a caricature, not a character. And Cas... Cas was written with increasing amounts of fanservice too. He went from a powerful being trying to learn to balance his sense of angelic responsibility with love of the Earth to being a whiny crybaby who was generally helpless to circumstance. He was written in such a way where he both leaned on Dean to give him purpose and validation while also completely ignoring everything about Dean that made Dean Dean.

As the seasons have gone on, this has gotten more apparent. I think what happened with Mary and Dean kicking Cas out the bunker earlier this season (which was also written by Robert Berens btw and if it’s true he wrote the confession scene first in the season - he wrote this scene after that one) is a perfect example. Dean’s criticism there is that Cas doesn’t trust him. When shit is hitting the fan, Cas expects Dean to react in the worst possible way he could, so he refrains for telling Dean vital information and asking for help while he looks for a solution by himself so Dean never has to know there’s even a problem. Then something goes wrong and Cas is always left there saying he’s sorry, that he shouldn’t have done that... But he never seems to learn, or trust Dean enough to do something different next time. And that time, the lack of trust killed Dean’s mom. The narrative and the fandom both treated Dean as irrational and overly emotional - the bad guy - in that situation. Dean shouldn’t have done that.

But like what the fuck should he have done??? I’d have killed him. Or cut him out for good... like for good for good. How toxic is it to have someone in your life who repeatedly ruins your life by not trusting you with a problem that could be dealt with collectively, but not alone?

And we’re going to what... retcon all of that? By bringing destiel into this, all the reasons I haven’t shipped it and I’ve considered Cas to be one of the most insidious abusers in this show are what? What am I supposed to do with them?

It’s no fucking wonder the script says Dean can’t reciprocate! Because how could he? How can they really justify Dean expressing his frustration at being manipulated and lied to for 11 years at the beginning of the season and expressing undying romantic love at the end of the season?

But this isn’t about narrative sense. It’s about an ending. The whole season is about endings... and writings... and god and death to the author... The metas flying around about “god” and “the writers” are all spot on... And so, it doesn’t matter. The message is the story is what we make it, not what they do. And therefore, they call upon destiel as the greatest example of the fandom finding a story within the story that wasn’t being told.

Except that’s not true. Because it has been being told, just not with any intention of payoff. It’s been queerbaited and intentionally so. “It’s not queerbaiting if they make it canon” is a lie. It is still queerbaiting if they never intended to make it canon! And it’s not okay.

But here I am, two episodes to go and then that’s it. There are no other opportunities for them to make canon honor that unspoken promise to the viewers. This is it. And endings do matter. Despite the message of the season being generally that endings aren’t important. That the story, the push and pull, the free will of the characters to run away with the story and bring the writers and audience to new places, the interaction between audience and story and the life they run away with, that those are the important parts of stories and storytelling... But that just isn’t true. It’s a romantic notion that endings are just silly things we tack on our stories that confine us, that the real stories are within us... but we consume these stories for the payoff of the ending. An unsatisfactory ending can completely ruin a work; just ask HIMYM.

So then this is my last chance... My last chance to feel the release of payoff of a relationship I was intentionally inspired to care about without an intention of payoff. This is my last chance of vindication for all that emotional time and energy spent.

So I’m hopeful and I’m transported back to 2012 and 2013 when I cared. When I believed. When every week felt like a possibility. When it felt like it could really happen. And most importantly, when I wanted it to. Because I do want it to now. I have actively not wanted it to for 6 years, but now is my last chance and it very well might happen so now... I want it..

And the way they did it... With giving Cas his moment, but leaving it open for interpretation... IT’S SO CALLBACK QUEERBAIT. AND callback toxic Cas. Cas lays this on Dean and then yeets off? And tells Dean that it’s because Cas loves him that he’s going? Every single part of Dean’s emotional history and trauma makes that evil, but Cas does it to him? And I’m hoping he’s not mad for the sake of the payoff of the relationship?!?!?!??!?!

Are you fucking kidding me?

And then also I wanna circle back to the queerbait of it all. Misha acknowledged today that there’s some room for interpretation here. And I don’t know how that gets resolved in the final two episodes, if it does... BUT THAT’S THE FUCKING POINT!!! I will be watching live, as it airs, for the first time in 7 years, one week before I intended mind you, because I’m being baited with the promise and hope of explicit payoff that doesn’t leave room for interpretation???? And that’s not queerbaiting???

The whole thing is ridiculous and manipulative and just generally awful, but I’m eating it up because I don’t really have the luxury of another choice. Because hoping for payoff is the best option I’ve got.

I hope I get to justify my past self and see all of that payoff and feel that vindication for the part of me that loved destiel, but I consider destiel to be the number 1 thing that ruined the show for me. So it will be a hollow victory, for sure. And that’s if there’s even a victory, which isn’t a guarantee.

I just feel so used right now.

#long post #destiel #spn #personal #i'm really sorry for the length of this #i just had to get it out

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offbeatpride61 · 3 years

Text

My Perfect Supernatural Ending

Okay. So, like most of the fandom, I was not satisfied with the series finale. I am not going to get into what Jensen, Misha, and Jared said or what the rest of the cast said. This is purely what I would have liked to have seen. I think I also need to state that COVID has probably made things difficult for the ending and that’s partially why something happened in the ending and other things didn’t (that doesn’t excuse shitty writing though). BUT I am not taking COVID into account with my personal headcanon/rewrite/whatever of the ending I was hoping for. Also, I am not a very active member of the fandom; I like and reblog some posts, talk to friends about it, but that is usually the limit of what I do, but I really wanted to share this because Supernatural has been a big part of my life.

TLDR, here are my two cents on how I would have liked things to have gone.

So pretty much everything that happens in 15x18 stays the same. Jack blows up in the Empty and returns, everyone besides the boys gets Thanos-snapped, and Cas confesses his love for Dean and gets taken by the Empty to save Dean from Billie. Dean still is in emotional shock before he can say anything back to Cas before he’s gone. The whole gig still happens.

The next episode, 15x19, pretty much stays the same. Dean, Sam, and Jack meet up, Dean finds the dog, the dog gets dusted, we know the drill. At the same time as this, Cas and Billie are together in the empty, because they got brought in together. Billie still has the scythe and even inside the empty, she is slowly beginning to die and degrade. Cas tries calling out inside the Empty, but nothing happens, they are just greeted with silence. With Billie beginning to crumble away, she laughs and tells Cas that, “this was all part of the plan.” Or something like that. She begins to tell Cas about what she read that was so interesting, but we the audience are taken away before we can hear her speak.

The rest continues on as shown in the episode, they meet Michale, Dean gets a phone call from Cas, Lucifer shows up, Lucifer dies. The trio along with Michale perform the spell and Michael still pleads for his life, and predictably still ends up dying. The brothers go with their ultimate plan to use Jack and his absorption of power to beat Chuck. Here, however, it’s not enough. Jack is only able to wound Chuck before he is blasted away. The group is heartbroken, this was their big last-ditch effort and it didn’t work. Chuck begins his monologue of douchery about how he had won and there’s nothing left that they can do. The sky begins to change, lightning crackles, clouds darken but at the same time remain a bright white. Chuck, in his narcissistic rant, doesn’t notice. The boys begin taking steps back, thinking this is Chucks doing. When suddenly, Chuck stops, looks up, and is immediately greeted with a blast of power from the sky. He is being smited by heaven.

Here, Jack is able to shield Sam and Dean with what remaining power he has. The light gives way, Chuck is there and still standing, but not as proudly as before. It’s obvious that blast has done something, though nowhere near enough to mortally wound him. Everyone present is confused, staring in bewilderment at one another. Chuck looks up in disbelief, stating that heaven should be empty of angels. Smoke begins to appear in streaks across the sky; Demons are here. Parallel to the fight against Amara, Demons begin to attack Chuck. They aren’t doing much, taking potshots when they can. Finally, Chuck has had enough and blasts everything away. Sam, Dean, and Jack are blown backward a couple of feet. Both Sam and Chuck ask what is going on. Demons still circle the area, but at a distance. Heaven rumbles above them.

Chuck demands to know what is going on, what have the Winchesters done this time. The boys are just as confused. Then, at the shore, all four of them see it at the same time. A black mass, no bigger than a car is hovering there. It’s the Empty. Suddenly, more back masses begin to appear all around. After a few seconds of silence, nobody moves. Then the pieces of the Empty begin to reach out (much like how it reached how to take Billie and Cas), but it is not taking anyone or anything. The appendages reaching out slowly begin to take on human forms. Then we see, the Empty is bringing out every Angel and Demon that ever died. The realization begins to hit everyone, this is how Heaven was able to bring together its power and how the Demons could coordinate and attack. Dean begins to look around, then he sees Cas emerge from a portion of the Empty. Castiel looks the same, but now either his tie or trench coat is black, and he is wielding Death’s Scythe. Castiel is now the Angel of Death.

Everyone’s fan-favorite Angels and Demons are back. Crowley is there with an entourage of other Demons and Rowena. Actual Meg is back and looking around along with Ruby. Uriel is back and leading a group of Angels. Of course, all of the Archangels are back and are ready to fight. (Here I was thinking that Michael and Gabriel maybe convinced Lucifer that their dad wasn’t going to let them live even if they helped him, especially after Michael got dusted.) Here I won’t get into much detail, mostly because I don’t know how to write an action scene. It really boils down to that Heaven and Hell are working together to stop Chuck. It’s a chaotic battle, Angels and Demons are dying left and right, everyone is doing their best to end Chuck’s tyranny. Sam, Dean, and Jack are doing their best to remain out of the crossfire and not die. Through the chaos, Sam sees Azazel wink at him before he’s lost in the shuffle.

Castiel reaches his new family’s side. Cas briefly explains what’s going on, that Empty released them because through a combination of Jack’s explosion and Billie handing her power to Castiel, they were able to make quite some noise and wake up everyone in the Empty. This causes even more noise, so the Empty can’t sleep, and expels all that are awake. The fight continues, but cuts to Jack as he begins to absorb power from the conflict. The ending here is much the same, in that Jack is then able to finally absorb all of Chuck’s power because he was weakened by the onslaught of Angels and Demons. A lot of Demons and Angels are dead, but the main cast is still alive. The Winchesters tell Chuck that he is going to live out the rest of his life as a human and die; no one will remember him. Here I would add that a final completion to Castiel’s arc of being a soldier that only follows his father’s command (much like Dean) to a being with free will. Cas would tell Chuck that it was said that “one day Death will reap God” and that it will be Castiel waiting for him.

At this point I’m not quite sure what to do with the now revived Angels and Demons, like Azazel. I came up with two options. The first one being, Jack does right be the Winchesters and gets rid of Azazel and the like to honor what the Winchesters did in the past and puts Lucifer back into the cage. The second option being Jack lets all the remaining Angels and Demons go free to have their own free will, which I like, but that then brings up the problem of the Winchesters not being able to settle down and they have to continue hunting all the bad that was brought back. Or maybe Lucifer decides not to be a dick and work with his brothers in Heaven. Regardless of which option, Jack brings back all life on Earth that was dusted just like the show. Amara is able to become her own being again, but works with Jack in harmony. Sam is reunited with Eileen and they have a heartfelt reunion. Cas and Dean have their moment and Dean is finally able to say “I love you” back. The group are also reunited with everyone from the Apocalypse World.

The group would head back to the Bunker, Jack included. Jack would do his speech of being handsfree and finally letting humanity and the world have free will. The group would celebrate and have a nice dinner. Going along with everyone left alive after the final battle (option 2) scenario, the boys begin to wonder what to do next. Do they continue hunting or not? Eventually they would say that they deserve to have a life outside of the one that was preordained for them. They leave the hunting to the next generation, but are willing to help with information and research, they are Men of Letters after all.

There would be a little bit of a time jump, Sam and Eileen are able to have their white picket fence lives that they deserve. They would have some kids, Sam probably went to Stanford and is actually a lawyer now. He is able to have his happy ending with his brother still in his life. Dean and Cas stay at the Bunker, making it their permanent home. Dean becomes a mechanic for a shop in the area, Cas staying by his side (though invisible to everyone else). Dean adopts Miracle the Dog and Cas occasionally allows the dog to ride shotgun. Cas adopts a cat and starts a vegetable garden (in contrast to his new position as Death). Dean and Cas have their own white picket fence life with the occasional dip into the pool of hunting. Not to mention Cas’ new responsibilities. Jack would visit both households, and the entire group would come together on special occasions like birthdays and holidays.

Eventually the brothers get old and pass on after living their lives how they wanted. Not sure which brother dies first, maybe Dean, but the brothers are reunited in Heaven. Jack watches over them and Castiel joins them when he is able to (which is most of the time tbh). The brothers are reunited with their mom and dad (they are acting like specially before the death of Mary, basically John isn’t an abuser). Bobby is there too along with all their friends whose lives ended too soon. The final scene of the series ends with a “you, me, Cas, toes in the sand, couple of them little umbrella drinks. Matching hawaiian shirts, obviously.” They can rest and relax, because they earned it.

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fandomstuff67 · 3 years

Text

15x20 Thoughts

I’m going to be talking about 15x20 and what I thought about it so if you don’t want to read a long text post then keep on scrolling.

Okay, first things first, I liked it. I didn’t love it, but I liked it. I think it was fitting and I think it worked. Dean always wanted to go out on a hunt, that’s how he wanted to die, he knew he wasn’t going to live to a ripe old age and he was okay with that (I’m not saying we have to be okay with that, I’ll touch upon that in a moment, but Dean was happy with the way he went and I think we should remember that).

I’m glad Sam got a family and the Winchester name is being carried on. I loved that he named his son Dean and I’m going to assume that he was with Eileen because there’s no reason to assume he wasn’t. I just think they couldn’t get Shoshannah back so they used that awkward long shot instead.

Before I dive into what I think could have been better and what I’ll forever remain mad about, I want to say that we’re allowed to dislike the episode, we’re allowed to feel mad about it and let down but please, please, do not attack the actors. They don’t get the final say in the end and they gave incredible, award winning, performances. So please refrain from directing hate to them and asking them how they could let this happen. And most importantly, on Sunday when Misha and Jared have their panels, please be respectful, they’re going to be emotional and they’re going to be nervous because they’re seeing our reactions, even if they don’t respond, so they know what we’ve thought, and so far all I’ve seen is hate and not one post about it being good.

We’re also allowed to like the episode, and for those that 100% loved it, remember their feelings are valid, please don’t come at each other’s throats.

Ironically, with that being said, I’m going to talk about what I didn’t like.

So, first off. Dean’s death shattered me. I don’t think I’ve ever cried that hard, I physically couldn’t breathe. Dean is my favorite character and watching him die like that absolutely wrecked me.

I’m so torn about this scene, because on one hand, that’s how Dean wanted to go, but on the other hand, that was a shitty way for him to go. Killed by a fucking nail? In a barn? Just no. He deserved so much better. SO.MUCH.BETTER. This is Dean fucking Winchester, he defeated God’s, and devils, and angels, and demons, but this is how he goes? I’m not buying it. And his speech to Sam, while it was beautiful and I loved it and Dean was being so brave and vulnerable and proud of his baby brother, it was a little... off. The head touch was a bit too wincestie for me. That head touch shouldn’t have been there, if they were going to do a head touch like that, it should have been with CAS.

Speaking of Cas. He should have been in that episode. There is NO EXCUSE. Covid is not a valid reason for his absence. They brought back our Bobby but not Cas? Castiel who has been such an important part of this show for so many years? Cas who confessed his love to Dean and who subsequently died right afterwards? And now, apparently he’s out of the empty and helping Jack with heaven, but we don’t get to SEE him? That is wrong on so many levels. I needed a DeanCas reunion, I needed it so badly.

I firmly believe that Cas was supposed to be there (we’ll know eventually when the pre-Covid script is released and we learn what the changes were, and if that’s not the case then really, what the fuck? Like actually I’ll be even more mad). I also believe that Ellen, Jo, and Ash were supposed to be there too, in the roadhouse and there was going to be a reunion, John and Mary too, but because of Covid they couldn’t.

I think it would have been very fitting if CAS was the one who welcomed Dean into heaven (stay tuned I will be writing this fix it fic). I needed Dean to acknowledge his feelings, I needed there to be more of Dean grieving. Don’t get me wrong, the montage in the beginning was amazing and I loved it, but they shouldn’t have been that happy. We know how devastated Dean has been in the past when Cas died, I find it very hard to believe he moved on so quickly, it just seemed so out of character. I needed them to talk more about Cas, about what he said, and what Dean thought about it. But they couldn’t even give us that. They literally buried their gays and dusted off their hands to a job well done and I cannot accept that. I have to ask the point of the love confession if it wasn’t going to be reciprocated? If it wasn’t going to matter in the end? I’m so unbelievably disappointed that they gave us that and nothing else, they didn’t even talk about it, or mention it. Did Sam ever even know what really happened? Cas deserved better. He deserved to be told he was loved, which he never heard, and no matter how many fix it fics we write, that will forever remain true and I hate it.

Cas. Should. Have. Been. Back. I will forever stand by that.

Sam’s ending worked. I liked it a lot and I wouldn’t change it. He deserved his happy ending, he deserved to be a father, and I’m so glad he got that.

However, this show is about family and how it doesn’t end in blood, and yet in the end it was all about blood. I’m genuinely so disappointed about that. That was like a slap to the face and I can’t believe that they decided that instead of ending the show by proving, once again, that family don’t end in blood, they decided to go back on everything the show has been about, everything that has been the core of this crazy little show that could for so long.

They could have done so much better, and they should have done so much better. We deserved better.

So, after all of that, my final thoughts are as follows:

I liked it. I really did. Were there things that should have been changed? Yes. HELL YES, but I can’t be entirely disappointed about the ending we got because it did fit, and it was beautiful.

The only thing that really would’ve made it better was having Cas there. All they had to do was give us Cas and I’d be happy with the ending. I’d be happy with Dean dying on an old nail in a barn, if we got Cas in heaven with Dean. But we didn’t, so I’ll never be truly happy with the ending, I’ll never be satisfied. But I will take what we got because in the end, this is the show that has brought so many people together, this is the show that’s taught us all valuable lessons, and this is the show that we all love so much it hurts.

And remember... nothing ever really ends, does it?

There are doors that were left open for a movie, even if they’re just set slightly ajar, the Winchester brothers, and their fallen angel, can return to us in the future and maybe everything they fucked up will be fixed. But for now... we must carry on.

#supernatural #rant #spn #supernatural rant #carry on #15x20 #15x20 spoilers #spn spoilers

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houseofglass · 5 years

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I’ve got to get this off my chest.

Y’all have heard by now that Jared was arrested for public intoxication and assault. Many are gushing support for Jared, making excuses for his behaviour (mental illness, stress, etc.) but I’m not going to. Why?

There is no excuse for his behaviour. There are, however, reasons that contributed to his behaviour.

By ‘inexcusable’ I mean he’s a grown man, already aware of how alcohol affects him, already cognizant of the stress in his life, already in treatment for his depression. If he was barely legal age and new to fame, money, and paparazzi then I’d excuse this as a one-off, a fuckup of mountainous proportions.

But, like I said, he’s a mature adult, so I don’t excuse him.

I do understand there may be evidence we haven’t seen and therefore there may be more to that video than meets the eye. All we know for sure is:

he was intoxicated

he pulled money (or something that looks like money) out of his pocket

he had another person in a headlock

Intoxication may be from a mixed source. He was at his bar, Stereotype, where he’s been known to hang out. He had been drinking. It’s also possible he ingested some other drug as well, but only a blood test will reveal that. We may never know. (some may even blame alcohol interfering with anti-depressant medication)

He pulled money out of his pocket. Why? Some say it was to bribe the police. Sure, I guess. It could also be he remembered to pay his tab and pulled money out to do so. We don’t know, because we don’t have a direct line to the inside of Jared’s mind. I know, from experience, that intoxication can muddle thoughts. He could have simply been counting his money because he remembered he should count his money. Drunk brains don’t function very well.

He had another person in a headlock. Was that violent? Yeah, it was. Even if he was goofing around, it was still violent. Props to Jared for letting go instead of squeezing tighter.

Police arrived and because arrest records are public we know he has two charges of assault and one of public drunkenness totaling $15,000. I don’t know how Austin’s court system works but I imagine Jared will pay the fine and be done with the whole thing.

But it begs the question: what caused this public display of inappropriate behaviour? What are those reasons I mentioned above?

Well, regardless of whether or not you’re a tinhat, Jared and Jensen are very close. They have a tight, unique relationship. One that’s about to change. Jared’s new show Walker, Texas Ranger was picked up (although it may be dropped now, time will tell) and Jensen is releasing a music album. They won’t be filming together, won’t spend nine months of the year together, won’t be around to catch all the day-to-day shit that couples/tight friends catch. They will be two separate people doing two separate things when they used to be two separate people doing the same thing. This adjustment will be difficult for both of them, probably in ways they haven’t yet realized.

Also, Jared’s fan interaction has been limited lately. He’s been spotted at sporting events and bars. Fans get their pics with him and report it online. But other than those two events, where is Jared spotted? Conventions and filming are his job so they don’t count. Events with his wife seem to be more for her blog than for any kind of couple time, therefore also work in my eyes. And maybe my dash isn’t as comprehensive as others in terms of Jared’s whereabouts, but each time a new pic popped up of Jared meeting fans in a bar I’d think, another bar? Another drinking night? It really did seem like the only pics of Jared without Jensen were of Jared drinking. I’m sure someone will point out how wrong I am, which is cool. My general feeling is that bar encounters outweigh others.

Sidebar: this has been bugging me for a while but I was reluctant to post anything about it. Jared drinks a lot, according to social media. It feels like there’s an awful lot of pics of Jared from bars when he’s not working. I’ve seen posts on my dash about how Jared looks happier when he’s out drinking with fans than he is with his wife. Or how Jared is hanging out at a bar while Jensen does *insert whatever event here*. Why? Why would a man who’s closing up on 40 be hanging out in a bar? Doesn’t he have friends to hang out with? Other activities to do? Um, children to parent? I’m sure he does all those things, but when I look at only his media I see a man who drinks a lot. Also, alcohol is a depressant. If you already have depression, alcohol will exacerbate the depression and the person’s thoughts will begin a downward spiral until alcohol is not imbibed. This is a slippery slope, and I’m genuinely hoping Jared sees his behaviour for the escalation that it is and to get that shit under control.

I’ve been here on Earth longer than J2, longer than Misha even, and I know that sometimes people make bad decisions. It happens. Mind altering substances assist in bad decisions. After all, the first part of the brain disabled by alcohol is the self-assessment part, so people usually think they’re just fine while drinking when they are, in fact, not fine at all.

But what’s really important here is how Jared behaves in the aftermath and when fans have forgotten this chink in his armour. If he continues to go out drinking when not working, he’s likely to repeat the bad behaviour or come up with whole new bad behaviours. If he slows down and remains sober around fans he’s less likely to repeat this event.

But that’s the key. The incident itself is regrettable and probably embarrassing for him. It’s how he behaves in the future that matters.

(ps - it’s almost like Jared wanted to be important again. He told a story about breaking up a fight recently, France maybe? I don’t remember. But he’s broken up fights before and boasted about it. He’s also been involved in fights where someone was insulting the person he was with. Like, in his drunken mind he thought he was being the hero but things went sideways. It’s interesting that this occurred right around the time Christian Kane was guest starring on Supernatural and Jensen was headlining yet another non-Supernatural event. Jared struggles with feeling like he’s not enough, I wonder if he felt inadequate somehow and it built up to the point of the incident this past Saturday night/Sunday morning. I’d love to know, but I understand I’ll never have that privileged access to his life.)

#Jared Padalecki #arrested #public drunkenness #assault #I hope he's okay #I hope he corrects his behaviour

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dimples-of-discontent · 6 years

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JIB recording policy: my thoughts and feels

So this feels like a really awful moment to be an SPN fan. I’m crushed that “Wayward” didn’t get picked up and honestly that deserves its own post and other eloquent folks on here will no doubt be chiming in soon. Before that, though, I was already alternating between seething and feeling on the verge of tears about the “no recordings” policy for JIB. Because, honestly, I was relying on it as a hugely positive experience to lift me out of the daily struggle I’m in right now. Where the show can and will hurt me all the time (hopefully with a narrative purpose!) as I expect it to in the finale, Jibcon never does anything except make me laugh and smile (and post too many gifs). And without the prospect of seeing the panels, especially Misha and Jensen’s, I genuinely feel...bereft. It’s not that I feel like I lost what I was entitled to, but that I’ve been deprived of something positive and beautiful for no good reason.

If you think that’s silly or that I should get over it or whatever please do me a favor and stop reading. These are my personal thoughts and feelings about something personal to me and you don’t have to agree. But since I think many of you do I’m going to write about it. I’m also going to reflect on the positive impact that sharing panel videos has on the fandom and what we lose without them. (And I recognize that this policy has existed before and that we have gotten around it and that we do not yet know how strictly it will be enforced. But I have these feelings anyway so I wrote about them.)

ETA: I hear from some folks there that you can record but not livestream, like usual. I’m going to go ahead and leave this up though, whatever the outcome, because it makes other points that are prompted by the policy but not strictly about it.

In a previous post I used the phrase “hostile to the fandom” to describe the policy and I stand by that. If it were merely about money or legality why would they not do something like sell tickets to a livestream and/or digital downloads or recordings? (If you are in the industry and have insider information on this I’d be super interested in your perspective and happy to post it with or without attribution.) I know that they may not have the infrastructure to accomplish this. It takes a lot of servers to livestream to that many people. It takes a certain standard of recording equipment to make something professional. But this is the 9th year running. They know there is enough interest to justify sinking some capital into that infrastructure and I’m surprised they haven’t.

I am absolutely willing to pay for content. Paleyfest panels are livestreamed and available to buy afterwards (months after, but that’s ok). I have bought a copy of all the Paleyfest panels from my favorite shows. I am not objecting to paying for content at all. Give J2M a cut! Give the JIB staff a cut! Shut up and take my money! There needs to be a price point between “flying to Europe and paying hundreds or thousands of dollars” and “peering at illegal phone video on YouTube.” Legal recordings that generate profit seem like a great option.

You know who they would be good for in the fandom? Everyone.

People without the money to travel and attend cons.

People who might have the money but who have difficulty traveling or being in a group of people because of physical disabilities, social anxiety, mental health issues, illness, etc.

People who are caregivers and cannot easily find someone to take their duties or who cannot be away at all.

People who work multiple jobs with inflexible schedules.

I could go on at greater length but I think you all get the point. We talk about the SPN Family and have our fandom-driven efforts to better the lives of people involved and show them that “you are not alone” and “family don’t end in blood” and “always keep fighting.” And that is AWESOME. It’s special. It’s so unlike other fandoms I have been in. But the thing that keeps a lot of people going is seeing videos from cons and feeling like a part of that community by sharing those experiences. For some people, maybe just the show is enough. But there’s a substantial population that relies on the social aspect of fandom and on the (perceived) closeness or accessibility of its figureheads, J2M.

Taking away the means to do that and acting as though we have done something wrong in asking for it, in wanting it, seems antithetical to the community-building we rely on. (I could do another post about campaign fatigue, which hit me pretty badly back in the fall, but right now it’s not on my mind.) Why not record it and either monetize it or even (radical idea!) don’t and just release it? Forbidding recording and distributing panels creates elitism and alienates many of the people who rely most on that sense of connection.

This is where I get to the point about hostility. Because I can’t see this new policy (or new decision to strictly enforce the policy) as unconnected to Daniela’s Facebook rant. I can’t. I wrote about it at the time and agreed with other folks who said that, though offensively expressed, it was fundamentally anti-antis and anti-entitlement rather than anti- any particular ship. I wanted to give the benefit of the doubt and allow her to just be a frustrated human being who had a bad time at work and complained. But now I feel like it was a message about how we need to back off of Jibcon because we in some way don’t deserve it.

And, perhaps wrongly since no pairing was singled out in the Facebook post, I feel like it’s about Jensen and Misha. Because by raw YouTube views alone those are the panels people want to watch recordings of. They are chaotic and hilarious and sweet and a just A Hot Mess, so it makes sense that we want to see them together and beam at our computer screens. There’s a reason it’s always the closing panel, that it’s so expensive, that it sells out so quickly. And just like with Creation’s weird refusal to offer that as an option (except at Honcon) it seems like banning recordings has to do with some unarticulated prohibition on how fans view those two specifically. Like it’s untoward.

But...if that’s the case, if Jensen and Misha are so bothered by it, why haven’t they done something like sue for libel or send out cease and desist letters to the Cockles blogs? They...don’t care. They actively know what we think about them (they’re grossly in love! they’re secretly a couple!) and they play with it in their stage personae and, I assume, just gloss over it in their everyday lives because they’ve developed a strong and healthy sense of “who the fuck cares?”. I guess it could be something their publicists are clamping down on, being like NO MORE HELLA GAY GIFSETS AND KEEP YOUR DAMN CLOTHES ON, or whatever, but my impression is that the policy is coming from JIB staff.

There is no need to generate more antagonism anywhere in this fandom. There is too much of it already. Alienating the fans who aren’t able to attend JIB from the JIB organizers seems pointless. If it’s an attempt somehow to shut down the shipping wars, well, that’s ass backwards since I’m just waiting for someone to yell about how the whole policy is because of Destiel/Cockles people and their inappropriate questions and theories or whatever because obviously we are the reason Jensen flashed his underwear onstage last year. It’s going to alienate us from each other too, as I already now feel way more envious of people who will get the privileged experience of seeing the panels.

It seems like such a harmless thing, to let people post videos of panels they can’t see but desperately want to. Like it’s basically just a force for good in the fandom. I suspect that people will find a way to record and share anyway, as we have before in face of the same policy. But, because of where I am personally and how much I have been looking forward to JIB, I have been thinking about the difference it (and other cons but especially this one) make in people’s lives I wanted to say something. Perhaps I’m wrong about the motivations--I admit to making all kinds of assumptions--but I don’t think I’m wrong about what it indicates about how the staff are viewing the fans. And that hurts. Because it’s not about objectification and shipping at all for most of us, even if it’s fun to talk about. Many of us just want a delightful thing in an otherwise painful time.

#sads #fandom life #personal #jibcon 2018 #wank adjacent #spn family #can't we all just get along?#negativity for ts #j2m #cockles #mental health #depression #anxiety #my thoughts

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filmreviewonline · 4 years

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Freaky - Co-Writers Christopher Landon & Michael Kennedy on the genesis of the Slasher Comedy

New Post has been published on https://filmreviewonline.com/2020/10/09/freaky-co-writers-christopher-landon-michael-kennedy-on-the-genesis-of-the-slasher-comedy/

Freaky - Co-Writers Christopher Landon & Michael Kennedy on the genesis of the Slasher Comedy

Freaky Co-Writers Christopher Landon and Michael Kennedy tell of the slasher comedy’s genesis. Freaky is a dark thriller that’s as scary as it is funny.

The idea for Freaky came to writer/director Christopher Landon through his writing partner on the film, Michael Kennedy.

Freaky Co-Writers, Michael inspired by Christopher

Interestingly, Michael Kennedy was watching one of Christopher’s films when he thought of the idea! “I was watching Happy Death Day and thinking, ‘How do I do this?’” Michael says. “I wanted to think of a clever premise to make another mash-up similar to that movie, and one of the first things I thought of was the body swap.”

After the Freaky Co-Writers came up with the premise, Michael told Christopher about the idea over lunch. Christopher tells, “Michael is a dear friend of mine and we’re both big horror geeks. He pitched the movie. I got so excited by the idea that I sort of just pushed my way into the process. I said, ‘We have to do this together!’ We were both riffing off each other’s ideas and it was so evident that it was something that we wanted to do together.”

Christopher goes on to explain how: “We spent the next three weeks reworking my initial concept and outlining the script. Then wrote the script in the month following that.”

Fresh mixture

“I think broad audiences are only recently starting to come around to the blending of horror with comedy,” Christopher says.

He goes on to site examples, “Movies in the past like Gremlins, Tremors and Evil Dead II really blazed a path for movies like this. You can have your cake and eat it, too. You get to be scared and thrilled but also get to laugh, and those are my two favorite things.”

Avoiding body-swap films

Although he has already been influenced Christopher tells how he does not want to remind himself of the details. “At time I’m writing something that exists in a similar world, I try not to pollute my process with other people’s work.”

“One of the movies that I went back to for this film was Jennifer’s Body. A woefully underrated movie and I think is only now beginning to get its due. I explored how that character was played in that particular space. Having a female character in high school who’s on a rampage.”

Michael adds: “I, like Chris, avoided watching body-swap movies for reference when we were writing. We really wanted Freaky to stand on its own. I recalled movies using ancient artifacts or magic, so in a way we mashed up even that aspect of the movie when figuring out the hows and whys and rules of our swap.”

Tricky body swap

The body swap turned out to be tricky to hammer out for the Freaky Co-Writers. “The only struggle that we had was figuring out the way in which the body swap would happen and how much information we wanted to give about it,” Michael says.

“We didn’t want to be too lean with information. At the same time, didn’t want to give too much information to the point where the movie and the device are no longer scary. So, it was really about finding that balance.”

Freaky – Millie Kessler (Kathryn Newton) and The Butcher (Vince Vaughn) in Freaky, co-written and directed by Christopher Landon.

Gore?

“When I made Happy Death Day, I got a fair amount of criticism for not making that an R-rated movie. For Freaky, Michael and I agreed that we wanted this to be a rated R, violent and gory film. We thought it was an interesting element and something you wouldn’t typically see in a body-swap movie.”

It was then the comedy side kicked in: ”We thought, ‘How can we make these kills still feel over-the-top and cartoony?’ It’s never like you’re watching it and thinking ‘Oh my god, that’s horrible and so gruesome.’ More often than not, you’re laughing at the kills because they’re just so ridiculous.”

Michael acknowledges Christopher for how the outlandish deaths occur: “Chris called me and said, ‘I think I want to go really high concept with the kills. He had a bunch of the deaths in his head already. He was like, ‘I’m thinking we break a tennis racket and shove it in this guy’s head, and I think maybe one of the girls should get killed with a toilet seat and let’s shove a wine bottle down that one’s throat.’ And I said, ‘Oh, we’re really going for it.’ And he said, ‘Yes, let’s literally eviscerate these people. Let’s have fun with it.’”

Christopher sums up: “Whenever I get to make a movie, it always feels like I’ve won the lottery. I’m proud it’s a genuinely entertaining and fun ride… Just because we’re making something fun doesn’t mean it can’t have some layers and depth to it.”

Current Freaky release dates, maybe in theatres??

USA & Canada: Friday November 13th, 2020

Australia: December 3rd, 2020

UK: December 4th, 2020

#Christopher Landon #Freaky (2020)#Happy Death Day (2017)#Michael Kennedy

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rustbeltjessie · 6 years

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I rarely post personal updates on this blog anymore, or bits of writing that aren’t officially published anywhere. I try to save that kind of stuff for my website, and my TinyLetter, and my Patreon... I’m still writing. I’ve been working on issue 25 of Reckless Chants (the release date has been pushed back, but it is still being worked on), and on poetry and a few other things. But these days, I don’t have energy for much more than that, and sometimes not even for that. I’m going to be giving birth sometime in the next week or so, and I’m trying to make last-minute preparations. Not to mention, being this pregnant is physically exhausting, in and of itself.

I was getting down on myself last week, because I haven’t done as much writing and art-wise this year as I’d initially planned on doing. I only completed one issue of Reckless Chants, I haven’t answered many calls for submissions or entered many contests, etc. But when I think about what I have done, I realize there’s quite a lot of it: I produced an issue of Reckless Chants, I self-published a split chapbook with Misha and a short chapbook of my own love poems and a comp zine of Racine and Kenosha poets, I published an e-chapbook with Hello America, I participated in quite a few poetry events, I had pieces in two art shows; the poems and essays I did place in various publications are ones I am very, very proud of, and I wrote a ton of other stuff--just because it hasn’t been published yet doesn’t mean the work isn’t valid. This pregnancy has forced me to slow down a little bit but that’s okay.

I know I’ve mentioned this before, but it bears repeating: the capitalist mindset of productivity has been so engrained in me that even though I reject it in theory, rejecting it in practice is a lot harder. If I’m not constantly making (i.e., producing) something or sending what I’ve produced out into the world, I feel like a failure. If I don’t do all of the things, I feel useless. But all that happens when I overextend myself in any regard is that I burn out. And so being forced to slow down is maybe not just okay but actually good for me. I have started allowing myself to create (whether that be writing, art, or anything else) just for the sake of it, without needing to put it out into the world right away. And I have allowed myself to just...live. I haven’t written or published as much this year, but I have spent time in bookstores and cafes and museums, and outside, and with my kidlet, and I have read so many books, and maybe this year was more about filling myself up with inspiration again so that in the new year I will have more from which to draw and use in my own writing.

It has been, overall, a pretty good year, despite the world being on fire. Of course there have been stresses and sorrows, but when aren’t there stresses and sorrows? That’s life. (That’s what all the people say). I don’t want to go into detail about any of my troubles right now. I save that kind of talk for my semi-secret blog (I’m sure the people who follow it feel incredibly blessed, haha), and anyway, as I said--despite the hardships, it has been a pretty good year for me.

Another thing I’ve begun doing is making lists of things I’m grateful for/things that make me happy, no matter how small. Not because I think one has to be relentlessly posi all the time, just because--I don’t want to take anything for granted.

Some things I’ve been grateful for recently include:

Fresh blueberries on French toast

Creative time spent with Little D; he likes to sit in my office/studio and work on art and craft things while I write

Listening to jazz while clacking away on my typewriter

Treating myself to greasy hashbrowns from the Dunkin’ Donuts drive-thru

Snow (it has since all melted, but there’s a chance we’ll get more in the next few days)

The fact that the last three chapbooks I’ve read have been by poets from working-class, second-tier* towns: Milwaukee, Columbus, and Erie. (*I don’t think of these towns as second-tier, but in the arts & culture world, they’re often considered such.) It proves that great poetry comes from everywhere, not just NYC, California, and Chicago.

The mini-zine I made, the fact that it got me excited about zines again

Making gingerbread while listening to Booker T. & The MGs’ In the Christmas Spirit

Dying my hair while listening to the World/Inferno Friendship Society’s Addicted to Bad Ideas (also: the fact that I can listen to that album again without falling into a spiral of nostalgia followed by sadness)

Exfoliating lip scrub--I’m not kidding, I get the worst chapped, dry lips at this time of year and exfoliating lip scrub helps so much more than just chapstick alone

A few other things before I close out this post:

I’m no longer the Poet Laureate of Racine. That sounds dramatic, like I was fired, but no, it’s only that my term came to an end and I had to pass my laurel wreath on to another poet. I had a hard time with it for a couple weeks. I was feeling bad about some other stuff and feeling like, without the title and the role, I’m now a nobody again. But I got over it, realized a couple things: 1. Just because I no longer have the title doesn’t mean I lose any of the connections I’ve made or community I’ve been part of over the past two years. 2. Maybe I am a nobody but that’s okay. (I AM AN OLD NOBODY AND I LOVE WHAT I DO.) Also, the poet who is my successor is very, very worthy of the title, and I am excited to see what they will do over the next two years.

I’ve decided what my favorite Christmas movie is. Most people choose from the list of classics, and I’ve known a few people who are a bit more unorthodox and say Die Hard is their favorite Christmas movie, but I’ve decided mine is RENT.

You should read “Cat Person,” the short story that’s broken the internet, if you haven’t already. Whatever your feelings on the story itself, it’s amazing (and kind of heartening) that a short story has gone viral and caused so much uproar. Also, it has led to a lot of important discussions. One of the main discussions it has brought up is that of the ways in which we tend to view fiction that seems confessional as personal essay or thinly-veiled memoir, and devalue it--especially if it’s written by women. There have been many times in my life when people (mostly men) have read my fiction, or the stories I’ve written where I don’t state whether they’re fiction or memoir, and tried to parse which parts of the stories were ‘true’ (meaning: had happened to me, personally), and which parts were made up. Another “Cat Person”-related thing you might enjoy hate-reading is this random dude’s letter to the main character; which you should then promptly follow up by reading the response to his response. All I could think when reading that dude’s letter was that he’d likely feel the same way about a lot of the girl characters in my fiction, and he’d really not like my personal essays/memoirs about my actual real-life days of drinking too much and hooking up with questionable people.

The next time I make a big update like this will most likely be in the new year. Sometime in the next eight days or so I’ll be giving birth--I’m a little nervous, but mostly I’m just ready to get this baby out, and I’m hoping that it happens sometime in the next couple of days. And my birthday is New Year’s Eve. So, the next time you hear from me I’ll be 36 and have a newborn babe. And then I’ll tell you about my plans for 2018, of which there are many (as I quote every year around this time: got new dreams and I’m gonna make ‘em real).

I hope you’re all having lovely winter holidays, if you celebrate any of them. Tomorrow is the solstice, and then the days start getting longer again; the light begins its slow return.

xoxo

#rust belt jessie #jessie lynn mcmains #updates #life #lists #2017 #gratitude #writing

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spacematriarchy · 6 years

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spn thoughts:

I have a lot of complaints but they’re all pretty trivial? Like issues with lore and awkward cine that took me out of the story, though the story was good, and it was a solid MotW, and I actually kind of liked the hard left it took in the middle from ‘horror comedy’ to ‘tragic character study’. The generalized awkwardness is totally weird, too, because both Yockey and Showalter, while not my favourite creative voices on the show, have shown really solid work that I’ve loved.

All to say: this post is gonna sound negative even though I liked the episode just fine because it’s full of nits for me to pick.

So the cold open is just one egregious example of wasted space in the episode - lots of good scenes expanded upon while the A plot was spread real thin. Aaaaaaand the shaky cam exposed flaws in production design instead of hiding them like shaky cam should.

Oh, yes, the B plot is here! I love the B plot - it’s cute and funny until the moment it isn’t which enhances the whole thing. A fucking plus on that one.

I was also surprised to see Jack not in this one, but thinking about it, of course he’s not. He just felt like such a natural part of the structure that it’s now kind of weird to see him absent, even though I know he’s not a “series regular”

ooooh noooo it’s a retread of scenes from Dead in the Water but without the meaningful character work about Dean’s own childhood trauma

I usually like to give sex work jokes on this show a wide berth because feminism but a) Clam Diver is a fucking hilarious name for a fake strip club and b) the mental image of Dean losing his shit while Sam sweats profusely and discusses college with a dancer at Christmas fucking kills me

(wait, wasn’t Jess a nursing student? bro maybe Sam’s just got a mighty specific kink)

Sam’s trying so hard u guys bc Dean’s so fucking sad and Sam thinks naked women will help him forget Cas

where did dean acquire that bra there is a WHOLE OTHER STORY LEFT UNTOLD HERE

third kid is a good actor, I think, but the dialogue in this scene is kind of meandering and awkward and the whole scene is SO UNNECESSARY

hungover bacon boy

Actually, huge credit to Yockey for not making this another “we burned the thing but there’s another thing that is elsewhere we gotta find” twist. It’s not the best twist ever, but it’s at least not the one I predicted and I like that.

Okay here’s the biggest of nitpicks WHERE DID THIS DEATH SHOT COME FROM AND WHY IS DEAN CARRYING IT AND HOW WAS SAM UNAWARE IT WAS PART OF THEIR REGULAR GHOST HUNTING SHIT this plot development is off the FUCKING wall and I would be down if it was even remotely hinted at anywhere previous - not including the exact same plot device being used in Red Meat. It’s completely justifiable, but it’s introduced all of a sudden and in such a way that my suspension of disbelief went out the window within two lines of dialogue and what the fuck you guys!!! wtf!

the insert of the watch is so unbelievable I actually laughed at it.

Billy! Fuck it up!!!! I’m so proud of her, she’s the greatest right now. I love the direction this is going in with all my heart. Genuinely. And I love the character work in the reading room scene.

I! have! trouble! with! the! lore!!! how on Earth is it not in Death’s interest, or how is it in Death’s control, to release spirits that haven’t been salted and burned. If Death could do that, nobody would ever get stuck in the veil, right? And why would Dean bargain for that when Evan already told him where the bodies were?

having seen Misha’s name in the credits at the top and then getting to the closer music I knew it was coming but seeing Dean’s face and imagining that ‘hello, Dean’ was amazing you guys my boys are back together again as it always should be!!! I’m so happy :)

this week’s post is so long but I refuse to cut any of it im so sorry

#supernatural #spn spoilers

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headsarolling-blog · 7 years

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in response to this post

Last Saturday at 8:08 PM

kilnkin arent you wearing a stetson like right now? its been pretty practical so far lol

headsarolling yeah but goths have hats too pants and adequate ridin boots can be more of a challenge, dependin on the look ur goin for

kilnkin this is such a science

kilnkin what if youre doing goth activities? whatever the fuck those are

headsarolling while its true that the aesthetic impact of bog wadin is minimised when one doesnt have skirts to swirl in the water around them one must also consider: if the cowboy cannot ride a horse, is one really a cowboy?

kilnkin if they can lean against a fence? whistle? i think so!

kilnkin im here with you on bog wading though thank god. no one here understands me i swear but is there anything better?? thats rhetorical dont answer that there isnt

headsarolling all the looks with none of the heart? it just aint right

kilnkin have you found anything resembling wetland since you fucked off bc im already sick of all this sand shit ): right!!!

headsarolling no. i found a lot of rock though if thats more ur style and skulls

headsarolling so definitely more my style

kilnkin rocks are ok i guess i can chew them though thats always a hoot what about bugs mosquitos suck moire got a butterfly but i havent seen any :/

headsarolling damn mud man. i can swallow small ones but chewin them is pretty hard core

kilnkin what am i if not hardcore like literally and shit

headsarolling lmao i havent seen a lot of bugs cause of the storm?

headsarolling ill keep an eye out though mosquitos can fuck right off tho u got that right

kilnkin ugh that makes sense i mean they dont bite me or whatever but i cant bite them either its like the cruelest impasse

headsarolling this is a remote island tho right? shouldnt there be like giant crickets hoppin around?

kilnkin im gonna take your word for that one on account of never having visited a remote island before

headsarolling its hard to tell with the excellent wifi and timespace fuckery but im fairly certain

kilnkin the wifi is good isnt it?? like better than druantia i didnt even really notice that rofl how twenty first century of me

headsarolling yeah there was a bit, on the east coast where the wifi dropped and i had to use data but otherwise its been pretty solid

headsarolling we the millenials are killin remote island survival with our apple phones and avacados

kilnkin what the fuck kind of data plan are you on

headsarolling i havent paid a single dollar for credit in my entire life i have no idea

kilnkin nice?? ive gotta try and get that for ma im killing island survival via isolation and lots of napping fyi much more anchorite than millenial

headsarolling i think the plan came with this phone and i cant even remember who i stole it from so unfortunately i cant give much advice damn nice tactic tho? ive got the isolation thing down but i think my nappin needs some work maybe bein in less rocky areas would help...

kilnkin yeah im with everyone in the caves now too but i can at least ball my dress up for a pillow. the stetson is probably less than ideal ): are you coming back anytime soon? or pressing on further. finding some softer pastures

headsarolling i would never consider disfigurin my hat for the sake of comfort! i havent decided yet. right now im rather enjoyin the company of these skulls

kilnkin so ominous. so goth!!

headsarolling well ive no horses or bogs so ive gotta get my aesthetics from somewhere

kilnkin dont even talk to me if you havent put the hat on a skull yet

headsarolling ive also performed a rivitin recital of certain lines of hamlet it feels weird sayin it to someone elses head

kilnkin lolol

kilnkin i expect a reprisal when we start another variety hour!!

headsarolling oh for sure id hate to disappoint my expectant fans

kilnkin and id hate to sit through any more of walkers showboating without a reasonably entertaining chaser (:

headsarolling ill be sure to stagger my release a bit more next time ensure ive a got a decent followup

kilnkin yeah youve really gotta consider how the consumer consumes if you wanna be successful in this climate either that or flood the market you know x)

headsarolling always an option but i fear that may result in backlash from the bottle blonde bombshell

kilnkin um? even better??

kilnkin i never got to get her back for not letting me get her back before getting stuck here anyway

headsarolling what did u need to get her back for?

kilnkin um there was definitely something

headsarolling lmao thats the best of geeting back *gettin

kilnkin the purest form of revenge is when you 1) forget whats is for 2) take yourself down in the process otherwise are you even trying?

headsarolling when i die itll be for a cause ive forgotten usin a knife meant for someone else

headsarolling or some weird poetic shit like that

kilnkin id buy a tshirt with that on it probably or at least steal one off a clothesline

headsarolling its always been a dream of mine to have someone steal a tshirt with a quote of mine off a clothesline

kilnkin ive had that one. its one of the biggies you know flying teeth falling out academic nudity

headsarolling i havent had the flyin dream yet i hear its craic tho

kilnkin no idea what that means but sure

headsarolling a craci? *craic its a good time

kilnkin oh i thought it wouldve been a negative if that sounds like a craig you should come cliffdive tomorrow basically the same thing

headsarolling not a fan of the flyin dream? wait u guys were cliffdivin? how did polly not have a heart attack?

kilnkin its ok but when you bust out the irish its normally not so nice lolol he mightve you know. he was just a little glowing speck from up there he was probably clutching his pearls the whole time but he didnt say shit

headsarolling i hadnt notice well maybe ill come back and check it out freakin misha out is always a fun time

headsarolling a craic, if u will

kilnkin lol loving your idea of fun theres ample opportunity to freak people out here but i think fucking off by yourself is really the peak oh man you could probably make the jump without a chaperone too im already jealous and you havent done it yet ):

headsarolling no one seem bothered by my disappearance so far. a very disappointin reaction tbh

headsarolling u tellin me u got a chaperone?

kilnkin its like you hopped out your bedroom window shimmied down the drainpipe and your old lady didnt even notice!! an empty rebellion indeed yeah wolff had to come with n give me a tow back to shore sucked ass but less effort on my part the better really XD

headsarolling one of the downfalls of being hardcore i suppose?

kilnkin unfortunately yes its a tough life but someones gotta do it :| thats my stuff upper lip soldiering on emoticon (:

headsarolling we appreciate ur sacrifice

kilnkin i appreciate your appreciation

#ooc #im #kilnkin

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incarnateirony · 4 years

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Representation, Authorial Diversity, and more.

“I’ll take some beef jerky and a pack of menthols.”

Been a while since most of you thought about that line, hasn’t it? And for some of you it somehow sends some primitive lizard brain gaydar into overdrive and you can’t really pinpoint why, can you? It makes no sense, that line alone, and how it stands -- but between all of the talk of both Bobo Berens and LGBT media history, including The Celluloid Closet/Vito Russo or the Vito Russo Test, this moment actually puts a pin in a shift within our show, its handling of content formerly completely overlooked by creatives, and the importance of diversifying our writing crews that we all press for.

It was the moment our show leaned, and frankly-- should have been the moment the straights panicked. In fact, some of them did, just before it aired, and then everyone has played at oblivious since.

Before seasons air, we get news on new authors being added to teams, or other workers. Pre-S9 was no different, with fandom finding a tweet from Bobo Berens, our first open-closet LGBT author. I mean, Out And Proud. A true king.

The association if this is the mention of the Bechdel Test, a step aside of Vito Russo.

Now let us begin.

Well first of all I’m just gonna let everyone get a giggle at how Bobo handled the straight male knee coil:

But anyway the response to his initial tweet was a merry go round of concern trolling in the area of “OH DEAR I FEEL SO SORRY FOR YOU PLEASE ALLOW US THE NORMAL ASSBAGS OF THE FANDOM TO TELL YOU AN AUTHOR HOW STRAIGHT THE CHARACTERS ON THE SHOW YOU’RE WRITING FOR ARE” and I dunno, it’s comedy.

Whether or not Bobo was addressing SPN as a new project in particular -- and it, from a dark age of SPN I’ve covered the upheaval during -- this is important. Really, really important.

Let’s say that timeline does overlap Bobo’s, and he did implicitly believe it; he might have had to write them as Straight Guys; but his own deep-seated place in the LGBT community developed resonant text, he made change. Change enough that when his first script was put into motion, the showrunner took one look at it and, for the first time in recorded history, we had note of some sort of intent --

Misha went on to say “so that’s what we played there.”

Regardless of anyone’s misunderstanding about how the fandom riled themselves up prematurely and shot themselves in the foot by lighting a CW exec on fire in the middle of network level board/CEO rotation commotion, or whether or not it’s visible enough for anyone--

this, this moment, this content, created by this LGBT individual led to this first known forward motion of intentful creative subtext. People can hilariously try to argue semantics about it that summarily boil down to “I mean it could be metaphorical jilted lovers it could be this it could be jilted lover bros, it’s just a turn of phrase!” in a loop as they’ve done with this data for six years until it dies every time, but this was it. This was the moment.

There is a nuance in this sort of writing -- how easy would it be for Dean to come up and say, “I’ll take some beef jerky.” Dean’s the meat man, Dean loves meat! We’ve seen it in other, new, straight authors the first time they try to tick off the Dean checklist, but like many lessons, that extra line leading into that smile holds volumes of LGBT history unspoken.

I think several of us Old Gays(TM) have banged on about the necessity of reading the Celluloid Closet, because for as much as people think they’re chasing queer subtext around here, it’s like they have completely missed that there actually is like, a printed, accepted code of conduct on this shit, basically. That’s not exactly what it was released for, but if you’re LGBT and engaged in lit and over 40 like you’ve read and understand and know this.

I’m not going to sit here and over-needle that line; most of you felt it the second your eyes drifted over it; but the sum of it is -- why that, what charming secret comes with that smile, a dean we’ve never seen smoke either, how is this part of how Dean throws himself back before his ex buddy leaves more unseen, *why* is that the hook? These are ironically things that no lit crit study *beyond* excessive citation of Celluloid Closet will really capture. This is a form of queer coding -- not the villainous disaster type that queer coding actually *is*, but the subversive form as it’s begun to be casually addressed in the population with positive, resonant content by authors choked out by IP holders while trying to service an audience. Or sometimes, even starting to accidentally.

So you know, you can unironically double down on the simplicity of Dean implicitly probably being a smoker (a possible read of subtext!), and I think this is kinda where the bizarre split happened tbh, because dude bros double down subconsciously into each reading of this kind of coding-- Dean just smokes, or this or that, though it grows thinner by year. Not about why that line is tossed, and how, and does just set off some sort of TV pheremone we all swamp like a bee hive. None of these moments truly mean anything independently. But it is the perspective and voice the text begins to take. The difference between that and “Hey pal [chews on jerky before buying] marlboros and got any pie?” in one moment that knocked everybody around on their ass in the fray of it. And then it all just went gayer from there, as if framed by one sharp moment that set the rest of the tone.

Hopefully you’ve all read my giant post about the history of this all to remember what I mean by accidentally, but even Bobo posted on it before,

That’s all an aside to the general point but worth placing into the edge of the conversation here.

The simple fact is, an activist gay man joined the show, and possibly with ‘keep it straight’ notes wrote some stuff so resonant, due to his point of view in life and the world, that even the showrunner decided to further guide it in that direction. It blossomed a direction.

The direction was small and slow and meek at first, (well, in final product -- don’t get me started at how S10 looks if all the cut scenes were included) with subtext running as dull echoes in Colette (oh look he wrote that too), and maybe more obvious with classic heart songs -- but even this was more structured than “Misha inherited abandoned storyline they scrubbed the romance out of as best they could”, or “Sera Gamble is a dumbass” that just happened to feature great chemistry and some resonant elements, like Bobo mentioned, we all connected with. But to actually constructively choose to incorporate these, no matter how quietly, was... *new.*

And some called it queerbait and I’ve already given history lessons from other angles on why no, but also now why here, definitely, no.

By season 12 we gained Yockey, another LGBT man, another activist in his own way like Bobo, but his less in writing political stuff and more in writing LGBT specialist plays. And everybody loved him, and saw it, and Yockey gets a boat load of praise -- deserves a lot of it -- but sometiems I feel like Bobo gets trampled over without recognition of how he shifted the playing field, the calculated effort he started putting into mastering those accidental resonances into something new, and ultimately to guiding the new author crew, Yockey included, or Jeremy on this newest episode who thanked him.

The same man that picked up Wayward and connected Dreamhunter... back to his own work and moments. The insanity of yelling “HOW DARE YOU LESSEN DREAMHUNTER BY COMPARING IT TO DESTIEL!” when, dead ass, you’re looking at this author who has carefully incorporated work and, with an already resonant story, made another relationship familiar to us by making it similar. Because that’s how writing stories works! But either way, Bobo has been in here doggedly growing the breadth of the legitimacy of queer narrative in supernatural -- to the point that it HAS narrowly, quietly breached into text even if not “loud” or “visible” enough for some people -- and the point where the subtext is so wall to wall and flooding every piece of cinematography in shooting and not just set or lights but complete mise en scene -- a point where everybody OUTSIDE of fandom is just addressing this shit as what it clearly is --

...That’s something that came with bringing the scope of an LGBT male author into the show. Whether you like the volume he’s been allowed to take his work to or not is your own thing, but before yelling queerbait at any creatives, perhaps it’s time to play “sit down children, and learn to appreciate the activists who came before you and how they’re fighting for you right now”. You wanna yell at something, get organized, pelt the CW in a non-aggressive, non-light-on-fire way, do activism like the books Emily put together that are resultingly still on the current showrunner’s desk now 6 years later, but most of all, don’t take a shit all over content you would otherwise enjoy, at the expense of a man in the demographic you’re trying to represent, who has battled, LITERALLY, for both the women and the gays in this show. Wayward was his baby. This slow swing in S9 that turned into a loud din in S12?

It wasn’t magic. It was a gay author. A gay author that has now climbed to be an Exec alongside dabb and the others and SURPRISE now suddenly everything’s so gay the whole goddamn world is seeing it. Literally SEEING IT, not just guys looking at each other with stories, but intentful, meritful choice in extremely bold cinematography choices that don’t require chasing a post-it on the wall, but instead are shot with care and devotion. Be that 12.19 Mixtape (OH DAT HIS) or 13.5′s Never Too Late (OH DAT YOCKEY. check what antis said to Dabb in his mentions after, even they saw it). Be that 14.18′s het drama PR promo (OH OOP DAT WAS HIS), be that 15.1-3′s entire tension and the openly addressed and so-called by media sources break up (OH DAT HIS), be that 15.7′s low key textuality (to which the new author thanked the elder for guidance, huh), or 8′s heavily shot domestic separation moment loudly filmed in the choicefully hollowed out and dimmed kitchen bereft of family -- this change? This had a moment. And you can find it.

I’ll have some beef jerky and a pack of menthols.

So this has been eating at me ever since this whole topic came into play.

Anyway full circle them trying to ride Bobo to Keep It Straight probably wasn’t their smartest idea ever. We gays are contrarian by nature so tell me to do it again, motherfucker. And now here we are in Destiel Divorce Season 15 as heavily managed by Bobo.

Everyone got so fuckin dramatic when Yockey said he was leaving like, tolling the burial bells of Destiel and-- like??? hello? BOBO? JUST? GOT? PROMOTED? Like Yockey didn’t make that entire platform all by himself, and hell, he didn’t leave without laying out unironic empty space of it. Yo guys, Berens done been here a WHILE to the point he’s now *callbacking his own season 9-10 material wtih him and dabb*. Like. Lmao. Guys. Guys listen. Listen. Think.

Whatever your weird goalpost is I’m not promising anybody’s anything is about to get hit. Whatever clown nose expectations you all have enjoy those and honk those loud and proud but remember most of those are yours. But respect the fact that Berens has essentially cornerstoned an entire queer canon within Supernatural discussion, of which others are included in as they joined.

And yes, queer canon. Not the way fandom throws it around for weird kissing spots, but articles of discussion of queer narratives, of which we can literally draw a wealth of episodes from LGBT authors or their understudies and literally point and go “all of that right there, officer.” Whether it’s visible or textual or undodgeable or marketed enough or glittery enough or whatever for everyone’s very unstable definition of “canon” -- Berens has literally cornerstoned an entire architecture of queer canon within this legacy show.

#supernatural #spn #destiel #bobo berens #representation issues

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marunata · 7 years

Text

There's Something About Mary (spoilers, as usual)

Yes, contrary to what I had just mentioned several minutes ago, I have just watched the latest episode. And here I am, in my “Very irritated and light headed, with a hint of sadness” mood. If anyone’s seeing my previous reaction posts, you might’ve noticed I don’t have a set style. That’s because I type how I feel like it. Right now I’m feeling… deep.

We have two main story lines this season; Lucifer with his kid, and the British Men of Letters. Within this episode, well, let’s say that for me, the Lucifer story line had me grinning (because he does have this sense of humor) while being fascinated AND shocked, while the BMoL story line had me… hoping, and really, really, really desperate for the good ending.

Let’s go with the Lucifer side first. I have definitely not expected that Lucifer, while not just being released, would get the control OVER Crowley. The demon who helped Lucifer should get some reward, in my opinion. The sass between Crowley and Lucifer was interesting. But Lucifer, back as king of hell, sounds bad for our fave brothers. Which gives the BMoL problem two ways to deal with: Exterminate it, or help each other. But we’ll come back there in a bit. With Lucifer back, Crowley out of his usual vessel…the hinting was a bit too obvious, wasn’t it? Too obvious that I’m thinking it could be a false pointer. You know, the mouse. Split moment decision? I would do that, go into the mouse instead of vessel-to-die, but we never had any demon posses an animal. So I’m not sure there. I have doubts that he’s actually “dead”. Now that I think of it, shouldn’t there be a little light emitting from the wound when stabbed with an angel blade? Poor Fergus. And how often are we seeing Mark after this? Back to the archangel. Very angelic. Ah, wait, the last part was slight foreshadowing, perhaps? Sunrise, a really good idea. Lucifer is the Light Bringer. While his rebellion gave him the bad rep, as an angel, his kid could actually be great. Hey, no one said that the kid was bad yet! (laugh) The next episode is chaotic, definitely.

Which brings me to the other story line, the BMoL. Man am I sad for these guys. First, I’m sure we fans have the right to yell how they killed Eileen, (though to be honest, I'm watching s9 catching up with previous episodes as I watch s12, and I skipped some of the s12 episodes too so I don't know much about this gal). Congratulations to the BMoL (and the writers, I guess) on removing our fav-…. would the Winchesters make a deal with Lucifer, to bring her back, in exchange of helping his kid? Maybe not. Where was I? Probably about the killings. Yes. Mary. Let’s talk about Mary. Till then, I’m sure a lot of us had neutral opinions, or maybe unsure about her. This episode has got to get you on her side. Or at least give you hope that she’ll be back with the brothers. Samantha did really good on the portrayal of Mary breaking down, cause I could easily relate if I were in Mary’s situation. Which makes me feel… sad, at the ending. Ketch might help somehow. Lady Toni is obviously going to help with the brothers, unless we have some kind of weird (and huge) twist in there. The BMoL. I never mentioned this, but it’s pretty much the opposite of TFW’s motto right? They have no free will. Not enough. While the main characters could usually break the enemies apart, I’m seriously doubting it this time…

Let’s go to the part of the episode that neither fits in the two above. First, I love the camera work. I never gave much attention to it before, but now I see how much it leads us to the depths it wants us to see. And the slow-mo with the W. bros were awesome, really shows us how much they are connected. Secondly, well, not really, but we get to see how AWESOME the Winchesters really are. Yes. Lastly, this fits in both of the topics above, but we have the next episode coming. Actually, next episodes. The trio are dying in there. We’ve got, maybe 2 options; They get outside help from a paranormal being, or they die. That’s it. They die. We obviously have season 13 coming, but as our beloved actors say, some didn’t like the finale, and they also say that we MUST watch until the last moments, the last 30 seconds or so. Misha and Courtney were apparently the last on set, but I doubt that they would be the last in the episode. Or if they were, then the baby being born would be the end of the finale, bringing it as a (the?) main plot of Season 13.

Ah, exams. Why must the world give conflict upon us? I’ll try to find time to watch the back-to-back finale. They obviously have a good reason to put two episodes in one day.

#supernatural s12 #supernatural #spn #supernatural s12e21 #lucifer #british men of letters #there's something about mary #nata reacts #please #we need help for our mental state at this point

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