#me treating tumblr like a personal journal

[suffersinfandom]

This is a somewhat-hingeless rant about disability and OFMD/Izzy takes.

Tumblr handed me a "recommended" post that made me so mad I ended up deleting a moderately unhinged reply and walking away for a bit. It's still eating at me, so I'm just gonna reply to it indirectly.

(I know this is cowardly, but anything I say will just lead to fighting and I'm tired. If anyone wants to discourse about whatever I post, please do me a favor and don't rant at me directly. Take caps and scream into the void like a gentleperson.)

First: I am physically disabled and I often use visible disability aids (just establishing my credentials so I'm allowed to not support this take uncritically). I also have mental health issues and less visible physical issues that honestly cripple me more.

Second: the title alone, man. My main issue with this whole thing is the disability gatekeeping, but that interpretation... hngh. I don't think OFMD was trying to meet a disability quota, you know? It's not "we have three disabled people so we can kill one off."

"Izzy shouldn't have died because he's the most clearly, visibly disabled" is a weird take because it conflates two unrelated things: Izzy's disability and Izzy's death. It's okay to be upset that Izzy died because his specific disability was something you related to. It hurts to have representation taken away! But his death had a narrative purpose. It had nothing to do with his status as an amputee.

And yeah, people are disabled in different ways, but is acknowledging that really an invitation to dismiss some disabilities as invalid? Sure, let's gatekeep disability. Let's decide that some people aren't disabled, actually. Lucius, Black Pete, Wee John, Spanish Jackie, and Ed aren't disabled in a way that's huge and traumatic and life-changing, so throw them out.

Except Ed is one of our protagonists, and I'd argue that his issues are way more important to the narrative than Izzy's. Ed's bad knee is technically fanon (fanon that I love because I too have bad joints and a shit knee), but I would argue that Ed is absolutely canonically disabled. Are we really supposed to disregard his crippling mental health issues because they're not visible? We're just going to shrug off the suicidal despair that drove a huge chunk of the plot? Wild that something so central to the story just doesn't matter because it's not the right kind of disabled.

That was a tangent, sorry. Back to Izzy and the injury that was "thrust upon him."

Yes, his injury is life-changing and traumatic. I'm sympathetic -- but not as sympathetic as I would be if he hadn't played a significant part in the events that led to the loss of his leg.

"That's victim blaming!"

It's a statement of fact. As Izzy himself admitted, he drove the darkness in Ed. He dangled his leg over the side of the ship and a shark bit it off. The injury wasn't thrust upon him so much as actively courted.

Izzy tried to shoot himself in the head at his lowest moment. If I may misquote OP: if you cannot see that there is a WORLD of difference between Ed's multi-episode suicidal arc and Izzy impulsively seeking an out, I honestly do not know what to say to you.

But the big thing about Izzy is that he is a secondary character in a story. If you take off the Izzy blinders, you can see that it's not all about him. His go at suicide killed the symbol of toxic masculinity that he had been up to that point so his story could progress. When he crawled along the floor whining pathetically, his sheer levels of wet cat-ness brought the crew together. The crew rallying around him and giving him the love and forgiveness that he did not ask for? That was about the crew and their growth, not Izzy.

Izzy did not have some deep-seated care for the crew before he was shot. He didn't throw himself in front of a bullet for them. He was not the crew's protector. Izzy's growth began when Ed essentially fired him, and the real changes happened post leg removal.

But here's something super important: Izzy was not suicidal when he told Ed he was ready to go.

Because yeah, I agree, it'd suck if a character who attempted suicide spent a few episodes being rehabilitated and accepting love and who he is turned around and decided that he wanted to die. It's a good thing that's not what happened.

This is what made me decide not to reply directly. Yeah, clearly a lot of disabled queer people are upset. And you know what? That's fine! I always support feeling what you're feeling, even if that feeling is negative. I'm sorry that other queer disabled people are hurting, and I don't want to add to that hurt by being directly confrontational.

Then OP said the last part and I was riled all over again. I was prepared to reblog since I meet their criteria (or maybe I don't -- I might not be the right kind of disabled), but what's the point? How miserable do I want to be? How much do I want to make them miserable?

I know I ranted a lot here, but what I'm getting at is this: Izzy DID NOT "go from wanting to die after a hugely traumatic disabling life event" to "wanting to die after finding acceptance and happiness." If he had, I'd totally understand why OP is upset and I'd think, yeah, maybe they should've run that by a few more people.

Izzy didn't want to die. He accepted his death as the inevitability it was -- inevitable not just because the wound was fatal, but because his death was important to the larger story and, importantly, Ed's story.

Izzy is piracy. Izzy is toxic masculinity personified. Izzy is anchoring Ed to Blackbeard. Izzy is not a character who overcame great obstacles and found acceptance just to decide that, actually, he'd like to be dead instead. He's not David Jenkins and company telling people who relate to Izzy that they should just die. He's not proof that recovery and joy are impossible for broken people.

Look at Ed. He went from wanting to die to wanting to live and do better. He's still working for his acceptance and happiness, and Izzy's last words are insistence to him that he'll get there.

Lucius said that some people are just broken, and this season does everything it can to refute that. One of the clearest themes is no one is broken beyond repair. People can change and they can heal and they can be forgiven by the people they hurt. This theme is so clear that I don't understand how anyone can overlook it.

I've been typing for ages and I'm honestly so sorry to anyone who takes me seriously enough to read this. It's a lot of negativity, and we have more than enough of that.

(And if you're disabled, hurt by Izzy's death, and also somehow still here, I sincerely hope that you feel better about it soon. I hope you'll come across meta that puts things into perspective in a way that lets you appreciate OFMD's positive messages and make peace with or move past season two. Barring that, I hope you find a new show to latch onto that gives you everything you want.)

[averlym]

whshdfhfjf.,,,

[headdaze]

I was listening to Olivia rodigro's brutal while sorting through my slowly growing seventeen twitter funny meme pins and when she sang "I'm so sick of seventeen" I just happened to be looking at title of the potential board (aptly just named "seventeen") and I got jumpscared SO FUCKING HARD--

[willowfey]

a year and one day ago, one of my favourite people in the world, my kindred spirit, my uncle chris, died of a heart attack. he was a kind sensitive gay man who loved to read and travel and make people laugh and wake you up in the middle of the night to go out for ice cream if he was lonely. he had a peculiar interest in clowns and circuses and trains. he loved dogs more than people and people more than anything else in the world. i never got the chance to talk to him about being autistic but i’m almost 99% sure he was.

i couldn’t say anything about him on the day because i was absolutely inconsolable. i sat on the shower floor until it went cold and sobbed for hours so hard i threw up and then didn’t speak the rest of the day. and then, late at night, i went out for ice cream and was served by an old queen covered in pride pins who was around his age, and he reminded me of him, and it helped a microscopic amount. my mom told him we lost our uncle and he looked at me and i wanted to tell him “you remind me of him” because i know he would’ve understood, but i couldn’t make any words come out, so we just looked at each other a moment. i don’t remember anything else about that night. except that it rained really hard for a long time. i still go there for ice cream occasionally and he serves us every single time and he talks as if we’re good friends, even though i never do much of the talking.

anyway. i went back to look at his obituary today and it feels like it just happened. or like it didn’t happen at all. idk. but the thing that’s getting me the most is i’m looking through his photo gallery and there’s pictures of him in his teens and 20s and like….. we would’ve been friends. i just know we would have. despite how quiet i was in school, despite how quiet HE was in school, he would’ve seen me one day and said smth to make me smile like he always did and we would’ve been best friends from then on. but i was born 30 years too late and instead of befriending me first he befriended my grandmother and mother, and instead of going to school with him every day he called me nearly every day to do animal impressions. mr. cow says hello. mr. sheep says good morning. mr. horse is passing the phone to silly chris now. we grew up calling him silly chris. that was just his name. one word. sillychris.

idk where i’m going with this post but i just wanted the world to know that i miss him, and that when my nephew is finally big enough to use the phone he’ll have to speak to my secretary mrs. horse

[queeraurora]

Having been gone from tumblr for so long, I expected to have a somewhat difficult time returning to it. But instead, it feels like I never left, and I'm enjoying it so much more than twitter. I feel more engaged here, it's a nice feeling

[thestalkerbunny]

So truly as his song proclaimed, on one sunny day (A heat index of literally 97 degrees and climbing) I once again met with our old friend Bill Cipher by purchasing The Book of Bill.

And I gotta say.

It was like a WAVE of nostalgia.

I had forgotten how GOOD and WITTY Gravity falls had been. Not to mention the book in itself is SMART. We as a community were ENTHRALLED with the evil tortilla chip-an absurd thing to vote Tumblr's most sexy man 2013-and the book knew that and was like 'here is more of the chip man.' Like obviously there's codes and treats and what have youse for the smarter folks. But just the energy of the whole book, the fake ADS, the amazing design work, the missing pages, GATSBY, the LORE Bill gives that fills in so many blanks for us while callously poking more holes with a pencil at the same time. You read it perpetually bouncing back and forth questioning how reliable a narrator Bill is and more importantly, how much of it do you REALLY want to believe in?

It's a narrative that explores Bill as a person-at least how Bill Perceives it and with missing journal pages from Ford, how FORD perceived Bill.

The whole book in itself is a BREAK UP story, between a Man and the Monster who he unknowingly let into his life. A monster that pushes him to the brink, that makes the possession trope EXCITING AND NEW to me as he is horribly aware and actively communicating with the monster who is actively threatening his very LIFE if not given obedience and compliance. And it's not one sided yelling into the void convos-they can actually communicate and it makes the disregard so much more terrifying. It both makes you empathize with our favorite villain while not cheapening it so much to redeem him.

Reading this book validates the mania we see Ford with when we get the flash back episode of the Portal Incident. The sick sort of Paranoia that he's developed because every waking moment of his life has been ruined by someone he let in, trusted and opened up to.

The Book of Bill doesn't pull punches. There are parts in this book that go from 'comical horror' that jacks it up to 'Jesus fucking christ'

The Book of Bill does what the original show was not allowed to do-which is go further with how DAMAGING a relationship Ford had with Bill. How it was an addiction, feeding off each other. Ford in finally having someone who could in essence-REFLECT his own intellect back at him and Bill, a creature that demanded an audience to be witnessed by constantly.

Regardless, this was a FASINATING read. 110/10 totally work the trip in the 97 degree heat I made to 3 towns over JUST to get the Barnes and Noble EXCLUSIVE Copy that will now sit very proudly on my shelf. Go Buy it, Go Read it, It is WORTH it.

[theonlycabbage]

I'm going to do it.

I'm going to transition.

It'll take some time before I'm ready, because I want to lose weight first (among other things), but I can't keep holding it back anymore. I haven't been entirely honest about my gender on here: I'm AMAB, and for the longest time I considered myself to be nonbinary. August/Alice have been placeholder names for me, but they feel so empty, like a shell to contain and hide who I really am. The only places I've truly been able to "be a woman" are Tumblr and Discord, but then I log off and am forced to be treated like a man again.

Last night, though, I watched I Saw the TV Glow, and I was heaving and sobbing by the end. I don't want to live a life being somebody I'm not, just because it's safe and comfortable and the alternative is scary and unknown. I CAN'T do that. I owe it to myself.

^my hastily written journal entry in a sobbing haze at 2 in the morning, god I'm a cringe girl lol

My dear friend who's already beautifully transitioned gave me a bunch of transition resources and information, including the Dysphoria Bible, which you can find online and I highly recommend. It may be a few years of me figuring stuff out and going to therapy before I fully transition outside of Tumblr, but I HAVE to do this. I feel like I'm going insane, and I'm positive that this dysphoria has contributed to my collapsing mental health these past few months and years. I've been so scared and lonely and tired and self loathing, and every time I look in the mirror I'm horrified by the well-meaning but ultimately WRONG person looking back at me. And I don't care that the world is getting more and more transphobic. I'd rather potentially suffer and die as myself, as a woman, than live a false, empty life as a man.

I can't wait to truly be myself, for the first time in my entire life. For once, I almost feel hopeful.

Thank you for reading, ily ❤️

[5starl1ght]

Daniel ricciardo x horner!Reader

Boss's daugther

A/n: I got this idea from someone else when I was scrolling through tumblr. So please don't come for me. And while we wait for the poll to end here you go!

Mesterlist

Y/N Horner had always been passionate about journalism. Ever since she was a little girl, she loved to read newspapers and magazines, watch documentaries and interviews, and write her own stories and articles. She dreamed of becoming a famous reporter who would travel the world and expose the truth. She worked hard to achieve her goal, studying journalism at university and landing a job at a prestigious media outlet. She quickly rose through the ranks, earning a reputation as a fearless and talented journalist who could cover any topic, from politics and business to sports and entertainment. She had interviewed celebrities, politicians, activists, and even royalty. She had won awards and accolades for her work. She had everything she wanted in her career, but nothing in her personal life.

Y/N was notoriously single, and she liked it that way. She didn't have time for romance, nor did she feel the need for it. She was happy with her independence and freedom, and she didn't want to compromise that for anyone. She had dated a few people in the past, but none of them had lasted long. They either couldn't handle her busy schedule, her ambitious nature, or her adventurous spirit. They either bored her, annoyed her, or betrayed her. She decided that she was better off alone, and she focused all her energy on her work.

Her father, Christian Horner, the team principal of Red Bull Racing, was not happy with her decision. He loved his daughter more than anything, and he was proud of her achievements, but he also wanted her to find someone who could make her happy and give him some grandchildren. He knew that Y/N was not getting any younger, and he worried that she would end up lonely and regretful if she didn't settle down soon. He had tried to set her up with various men over the years, but none of them had impressed Y/N or caught her interest. He had almost given up hope, until he thought of Daniel Ricciardo.

Daniel Ricciardo was Christian's former driver and a close friend of the family. He had joined Red Bull Racing in 2014, and had quickly become one of the best drivers in Formula One. He had won seven races, 31 podiums, and three pole positions with the team, before leaving for Renault in 2019. He was also one of the most popular and charismatic drivers on the grid, known for his infectious smile, his cheeky humor, his daring overtakes, and his love for life. He was charming, funny, handsome, and adventurous. He was also single and looking for love.

Christian had always liked Daniel as a person and as a driver. He had seen him grow from a young rookie to a mature champion. He had supported him through his highs and lows, his victories and defeats, his joys and sorrows. He had treated him like a son, and Daniel had treated him like a father. They had remained in touch even after Daniel's departure from Red Bull Racing, and they still met occasionally for lunch or dinner. Christian knew that Daniel was unhappy at Renault, and that he missed his old team and his old friends. He also knew that Daniel was lonely, and that he wanted to find someone who could share his passion for racing and for life.

Christian thought that Daniel would be perfect for Y/N. They were both successful in their fields, they both loved to travel and explore new places, they both had a great sense of humor and a positive attitude, they both were loyal and honest to their friends and family, they both were attractive and fit. They also knew each other since childhood, as Daniel had often visited Christian's house when he was racing for Red Bull Racing. They had always gotten along well, teasing each other and laughing together. Christian thought that they would make a great couple if they gave each other a chance.

Christian decided to play matchmaker and invited Daniel to join them for dinner at his house one night, hoping that sparks would fly between him and Y/N. He didn't tell either of them about his plan,

he just said that he wanted to catch up with Daniel and see how he was doing. He also asked Y/N to come over for dinner as well,

saying that he missed spending time with her and that he wanted to talk to her about something important.

He hoped that they would be pleasantly surprised to see each other,

and that they would hit it off right away.

[charmedreincarnation]

I got into the void using your challenge: live update

Day 1:

I said isn’t it wonderful once every hour: everytime I felt doubt I reminded myself isn’t it wonderful and the doubt went away. It kept me in very good mood and my desires did feel closer to me more than ever

Day 2:

Like the challenge said I started my day with Isn't it wonderful that I love and accept my godly ability to choose my reality, and I said that once and mediated on my limited beliefs to and tried to question why I should have them when I am god. I felt like a new person

I manifested so many things. Free coffee’, a cute man asking for my number, so many compliments from strangers which rarely happens, and not being late to class even though I’m always late. I was already becoming my dream self I envision after the void

I have a good vision board I was using for my visuals. Everytime something reminded me of my 3D, I stared at it on my phone to remind myself of the life I am living so why am I concerned, and I repeated isn’t it wonderful to remind myself of my wonderful life, it worked like a charm pun intended

It is night time so I am going to listen to the third video you recommended.

Tomorrow I will write about how grateful I am for all my desires that have manifested and meditate on the phrase it is done. My dream life is already here even if not in the 3D yet I have already become my imagination and I’m excited to fulfill my desires on the fourth day and I will message you my success story.

Day 3:

Today is my last day and I am already fulfilled. It really is wonderful. This morning I got up at 3 am (Happy Aïdd) and prayed on all the things I am grateful for. I went to sleep and woke up again. And journaled about all the wonderful things I have. My wealth, my beauty, my kind heart, the wonderful celebration in my beautiful house I am having with my family, my wonderful fiancé, mastery of the void state, the millions dollars of income I have flowing in my bank account yearly, my healthsafety and protection from god, all things that will be fulfilled the next time I close my eyes and open it. Then I wrote all my goals for the rest of the year, business plans, school plans, wedding plans, trip plans etc etc. this is a normal thing for me. All I could think is it is done this is my life MashaAllah

Update:

I was not planning into going to the void until after I went to bed. But I took a nap and woke up in the void thank you so much for this wonderful challenge

I woke up from my nap in a room I did not recognize I feared I had died, but it is here. I am not shocked or surprised, I don’t know how when I cried for this to happen for months but I have been fulfilled since the first day of the challenge so thank you dear 🙏

A shortened version of my desires

Living a luxurious life in Dubai

Living with all my family members in a 12 bedroom mansion in Dubai

Many house help who are treated with love and kindness and paid well

Loyal wealthy loving and god fearing handsome fiancé whom my family approve of

Attending zayned university

Hourglass body, and 36 inches of long healthy hair that never gets matted

Misgyony free household

10/10 beauty

Long natural nails that never break

High IQ that is respected

A white phantom rolls-Royce as my car

And a lot more 🙏 thank you to Loa tumblr and god himself. I pray all of this for you kind dearing souls

Another update

Tomorrow we throw a celebration and none of my family knows I did this, it is like we have always been rich and happy when we were poor and torn apart. I decorate and set up with my sisters, my mother is cooking 30 dishes, and my father for once is helping her clean up. He now worships here rather than abuses her. I am already getting many gifts, purses and jewelry I could only see in my dreams. My closet is very large the size of my old apartment 😂😂 I have hundreds of shoes and even more clothes and purses. I am in awe and greatful 🥰

Happy Aïdd😭😭🎉🎉💕 the fact that you got your desires on this wonderful day makes me so happy !!! You honestly did the challenge in more depth than I gave and it worked out so beautifully I am beyond happy for you beautiful anon 😭🫶🫶

[apollos-olives]

Just saw that you're leaving this blog, I'm sorry to hear that and wanted to clarify that you are not abandoning it completely, correct?

I like a lot of what you've posted and am sad to hear that it's more of a hinderance (totally understandable considering what happened before your post to leave) than a benefit to your health/well being.

anyway, I just wanted to say that I appreciate your perspective (on a lot different things not just Palestine) and also thank you for all that you have done to raise awareness and broadcast more Palestinian voices. I hope you continue to work hard at your journalism post (forgive me I can't remember if it is a job or class) and are able to kick butt in general!

Again, thank you for all that you do, have done, and continue to do!

i am not abandoning this blog. i am turning this blog into a palestine/social justice and awareness blog instead. this was originally my personal blog, but after what happened with.. everything.... i have decided to transform this blog and keep my personal stuff away from here. this means that i will no longer be posting personal things about my life on this blog. no more life updates, no more pictures, no more stories. i will instead put that on my personal blog that is only available for mutuals to follow. until tumblr and it's userbase learns to behave and treat palestinians like human beings, i will not be putting myself in a vulnerable position on this blog by sharing things about myself for the foreseeable future. this also means that i will stop responding to anons and asks unless they relate directly to sharing knowledge and information about palestine and other social justice issues.

thank you for your kind words.

[streetkid-named-desire]

I'm not going to apologize because I do still think pinky is a fucking dick. But I am going to explain some things.

Do you think if I have someone blocked and even reblogs turned off specific posts that that is a boundary I am setting? That regardless of whether or not he saw those posts I was expecting him to do the decent thing, and, seeing an obvious temper tantrum, move on with his goddamn day?

Instead, he takes my ranting into the void and makes a shitty post replying to it knowing I will never see it. I have never done that to him. I don't care to reply to anything he says about me. That's why I've treated this the way I have. He set a boundary as did I. He didn't respect that boundary.

He has a significantly larger platform than me giving him more power over the narrative. By making that post, by screenshotting and replying to posts I did not make rebloggable for a fucking reason, he is exposing his significant following to a one-sided narrative about personal vent posts. I never reached out to him directly. I never screenshotted his posts. Sure, I posted about him, but that's because I like to believe people are inherently good and empathetic and would recognize that I'm just venting about a popular fucking modder.

I understand many people are new to Tumblr and haven't been here as long as I have (literally since the beginning in 2007) and so may not understand Tumblr etiquette.

When you block someone it's because you're setting a fucking boundary not to interact with them and expecting that to be the end of it. Usually, if you're a normal person and not an asshole, it is the end of it.

But he had to go through specific posts after I already had him blocked, posts that were not rebloggable, and act like it was some takedown of legitimate criticism.

No. You're just a fucking asshole.

I've had a complex history and relationship with my breasts. I admit my actions were purely out of emotion because I didn't expect to feel the way I did using the flat chest body. I still haven't processed it with my therapist because I'm afraid because it requires bringing up a lot of trauma.

Pinky saw a vulnerable fucking digital collage and decided to bring up his fucking post again as "context". It's not context. It's just you being a fucking spiteful asshole. I also deleted the other post I made the next morning juxtaposing comments on Nexus from the mod with definitions of like grifter and femboy along with some screenshots of my own attempts at top surgery and shit because I realized it was actually out of line. The digital collage was the one thing I wanted to highlight because that helped me process my feelings, that meant the most to me.

Maybe I'm old but Tumblr is a microblogging website and blogging is, in its original form, personal. It started as a place where people went to publicly journal about their thoughts and feelings and experiences. That's what I was doing. I was venting about someone with a significantly larger following, with more power in the modding community, with more sway over people in fandom and what I thought was bullshit.

The posts were not rebloggable.

Pinky was already blocked.

This wasn't some fucking callout post about him trying to get people to hate him. It was because I was frustrated and in emotional distress.

Unfortunately, I didn't realize it was all pure emotion until it was too late. This is a common pattern and this is why I am trying to move on with my life. There is nothing I can do except learn from my actions and move on.

I'm hurt that I lost friends because they didn't seem to understand or care or be able to recognize that it was all out of emotion and not really any fucking logic.

But that's fine. I don't need people in my life that aren't going to give me the benefit of the doubt and go "hey, are you good? You're kinda getting a little crazy about this shit." And instead just shittalk me behind my back.

I have a whole bunch of people that liked or replied to that post blocked now and I'd appreciate if that boundary was fucking respected. I'm also not allowing this post to be reblogged because, again, I set a boundary. But I'm sure people will screenshot and send this to him anyway because you can't help yourself.

I saw so many people posting about how they hate drama in the community. If you hate it so much, why are you participating? Why are you adding fuel to the fire? You don't hate it, you just don't want to be wrong. You don't want to feel the discomfort of recognizing your own cognitive dissonance and figuring out what your actual values are and if you're really living your life in a way that makes you happy.

Don't even get me started on what he said about a fucking trans person venting "smells terfy" or accused me of using the community I'm a part of. Why do you think I was so emotionally charged about it??? Because I hate my fucking tits dude!

CHRIST this is childish ass bullshit.

This is, once and for all, the actual last post I'm EVER making on this. Please feel free to DM me, my ask box is open including anon. I am happy to talk about it one on one. But I'm tired of this and want to move on. I want to go to therapy and figure out what to do about my tits. I want to make refits. I want to write fanfic. I want to live my fucking life without worrying some hypocritical asshole is going to try to turn people against me for some fucking vent posts.

[suffersinfandom]

I keep trying to figure out why I can't enjoy Good Omens and I want to say that it's because I loved the book as a kid and have strong mental images of the characters that don't line up with the show but actually I think it's because I watched the Twilight movies once and when I look at Michael Sheen all I can think about is that Volturi guy whomst I hate deeply

[imqueerandadeer]

Okay it's time again for rants and personal stories no one fucking asked for. Todays topic: How fucking rampant and normalized ableism is, with comments from @pansgoobernonsense as usual.

Really long post ahead guys you've been warned.

The reason it has been featured in the last post and now this one is because it's also ND and Asian and I wanted to get other peoples experiences with ableism.

It also said that I can interview it for practice because journalism sounds cool to me and I might want to be a journalist.

Anyways obligatory disclaimer/reminder. I don't speak for all mentally disabled people because we are not a monolith!! For example I am great at masking my ADHD and Autism (I'll get into that with more context later) and it's somthing I've picked up subconsciously. Other people with my same conditions may not be good at masking.

Also this post will mostly center around mental disabilities, specifically ADHD and autism because thats what we have and know most about. Neither me nor my friend are physically disabled (to my knowledge) so I won't speak much on it because It's not my place.

Alright with that out of the way lets add some context.

Hi, if you don't know me or haven't seen my blog before (most of you probably have though in some shape or form) I'm Ollie or Cupid. I have ADHD, self diagnosed (and peer diagnosed) autism, and possible dyscalculia. Theres also a millon other things I'm suspicious about having but I won't get into those.

Lets start with this, imagine (or don't idc) that your back in *gasp* middle school. Terrifying. Now since this is tumblr I'm gonna assume most of you have autism and/or ADHD so y'all most likely know what it's like to be in middle school and be ND. But still I wanted to talk about my experiences with ableism in school.

Okay I've noticed that the difference of how I get treated because I mask and those that can't mask for whatever reason is wildly different. I have instructional support which is technically special ed and no one has ever called me "Sped" or the R-slur. Versus the the kids who visibly have support needs and their disabilities are present. They get called those things all the fucking time.

The hypocrisy of it all is what really gets me. Kids at my school will really stand there and call these other kids dehumanizing things while I stand there as a person with ADHD and autism having to akwardly laugh it off and pretend it doesn't effect me. Yes of course I tell them off but it doesn't work, because they have been taught that what they're saying is fine and people who have higher support needs are not human, which is wrong and ablesist.

Thats not even their fault really it's what they were taught. Although if they weren't taught it and they know It's wrong but still do it then it's their fault

It genuinely got so bad that me and my friends wrote a letter to the office telling them about the ablesist language at our school, I don't think the letters ever got sent but yeah it was that bad.

On another note I don't think my schools very wheelchair accessible at all, although I wouldn't know really because I don't use a wheelchair.

Now heres @pansgoobernonsense experiences woth ableism as a whole, while mine were mostly about school its are more personal

"My personal experiences with ableism are mostly from my parents, and since I have not one but two neurodevelopmental disorders I’ve experienced it a lot. The most notable of these experiences come from my parents reaction to my autism.

A notable example was the time I was crying because I didn’t want to go to a party (I had had a panic attack at another similar party at the same place with similar people) and my dad had said I didn’t need to go but my mom made me.

I tried to explain (through tears) that I didn’t want to go and my dad angrily called me “autistic”. I’ve also been told to just “act normal” in social situations (despite the textbook definition of autism being essentially “I can’t act normal in social situations”). My parents have also neglected to tell me about my diagnosis for basically my entire life.

I was diagnosed when I was 2-3 and only found out this year. The reason behind this decision was “if I knew I’d tell everyone and use it as a get out of jail free card”.

They seem to treat my diagnosis as a label rather than an actual disability. It makes sense, since historically mental disabilities haven’t been treated the same as physical disabilities, but it’s still an awful experience."

While my experiences with things like this haven't been as severe as Nicks experiences I do have some of my own.

One time I was talking to my mother and she said that they suspected I had ADHD but didn't get me tested until I was 12 because she didn't want me on meds that early, which yes is a semi fair point but still why would you keep your suspicions a secret until I startes to notice and suspect it myself. That seems so weird to me and it could have saved me a lot if trouble if she had just told me.

Anyways thats it, sorry if it's not cohesive or coherent it's 1:00 am for me, I need to sleep

[dross-the-fish]

This might be the dumbest question on this blog, but is the motley crew like your AU/fanfic or is it an actual show? Can you also please give me a short summary?

I’m so sorry for asking such dumb questions I just really like your blog and I want to know more😭❤️🫶

It actually started out as a DnD style table top game I made for my friends. I decided to post some of the stuff from it here on tumblr and I'm re-writing it as a fic.

There is a LOT of lore, so I'll try to keep it brief and stick to the broadest points.

It's a goth lit crossover story, it begins with strange events happening all over England. There's an increase in the rat population, clouds of bats fill the sky at night, there are rumors of occult activity. The great detective Sherlock Holmes is called out of retirement to investigate a string of grisly murders and disappears without a trace during the investigation, leaving John Watson to try and find him.

Meanwhile Lawrence Talbot and his best friend Quincey Harker, the son of Jonathan and Mina (dracula) trying to rescue a woman from a wolf attack one night while passing by Baker Street. Lawrence is bitten and the bite is treated by Watson who finds it odd that there are wolves in London as wolves had been extinct in the UK for several centuries at that point and no zoo had reported a missing wolf.

Lawrence feels ill but otherwise fine and goes home thinking he'll sleep it off. Through the bite he contracts the curse of lycanthropy, on his first transformation he kills his entire family. The police investigate but don't connect Larry to the murders. The scene of the crime is a similar state to the one Holmes was investigating when he disappeared leading the newspaper to report the Talbot's as the latest victims of a serial killer at large. Watson questions Larry and Quincey, thinking they may be able to provide him a lead to finding Sherlock and, not knowing who else to trust they reveal Larry's lycanthropy. Watson is skeptical but once it's revealed that Larry is a werewolf he's convinced to help them find the cause of the curse and hopefully a cure.

Their search for a cause and cure leads them to fragments of a strange journal about an allegedly deceased man called Henry Jekyll who's own story seems to loosely mirror a werewolf curse and while trying to break into Jekyll's abandoned lab thinking his serum may have been the source of the curse they run into an unsavory character, Edward Hyde. Edward is at first, unhelpful, but once he realizes Lawrence Talbot is from a wealthy family he offers to help, stating that he knows a few things about Henry Jekyll and can get them access to his research in exchange for a place to stay and some money. Watson is mistrustful and advises the boys not to reveal Larry's condition to Edward until he proves himself an ally. At first Edward plans to mooch off of them for awhile, steal their money and disappear but once they figure out that Jekyll and Hyde are the same person they get him to agree to research Larry's condition and develop a cure derived from Hyde's serum.

Their continued investigation and search for Sherlock and a cure for Larry lead them to all kind of places and they start to assemble a group, picking up the Frankenstein creature and the Phantom of the Opera along their way.

It's eventually revealed that vampires, lead by Dracula have set up a society in England with the intention of taking over. Dracula is working for and with other villains from gothic literature like Dorian Gray, Carmilla, Imhotep the mummy, Dr Moreau, and Griffin the invisible man. Most of whom have sold or are in the process of selling their souls in Faustian contracts to Mephistopheles (Dorian's portrait physically is one). The crew's quest to find Sherlock and cure Larry turns into a bid to save the UK and possibly all of the world from team Dracula and Mephistopheles's machinations.

[multiplicity-positivity]

Hi there! I wanted.. to ask, even though i KNOW all systems are different and it depends on the headmate themself too- i just cannot help but feel weird myself.. ( and feel free to make this a poll if you'd like? I don't mind any sort of responses ).

Is it- weird to want to seek comfort or be friends with, a factive / introject of someone whos hurt you badly? Specifically an ex partner. I dont moss them in that sense, so its not like i want to relive that. I just.. miss their existance. I know my headmate is different, and i should talk to them, but idk. It feels.. also kinda weird? Like "hey you sucked but its fine i have a backup one". Like ?? I personally.. would feel weird if i found out someone was dating or befriending a version of me in their head. ( which ik isn't in my control )

Hey, we had written a full response to this and then tumblr crashed on us. So we’re trying to piece this back together. Apologies in advance if it seems jumbled.

This is a bit touchy for us to put into a poll, so we’re going to try and answer it to the best of our ability. As always, anyone is welcome to provide insight, especially factives or those who have had personal experience with this sort of thing.

Honestly no, we don’t think it’s weird to want to befriend a factive or an introject of someone who hurt you. Introjects are people, and they deserve to develop and form relationships and just exist as themselves as much as anyone else. It’s not wrong or weird to want to get to know this introject for who they are.

However, it sounds like you’re having a bit of trouble recognizing that this factive is not literally their source. They are not a “backup” of your ex, and they are not personally to blame for any harm that your ex caused you. Many introjects feel hurt and offended when they are treated as their source. And no introject, no matter how connected to their source they are, is responsible for any actions committed by their source. They may look, sound, and act like their source. They may have source memories. But they are not their source, and they deserve to be treated with dignity and respect as an individual, first and foremost.

It might benefit you to spend some time away from this introject processing your emotions and memories surrounding your ex before you can be a good friend. Maybe therapy, journalling, and self-reflection could help. After you’ve had some time to process your feelings regarding this introject’s source, it may be easier to approach them in a positive way without assigning someone else’s baggage to them.

Also, you don’t have to tell your ex about this introject at all? We honestly wouldn’t recommend it, especially if that doesn’t align with the introject’s wishes or if you’re not in touch with your ex anymore. Yeah, some folks may find factives weird, but factives can’t help who they are. They shouldn’t be shamed or made to feel weird or wrong simply for existing. If that means their existence needs to be kept a secret from their source… idk we think that’s fine tbh.

We hope that one day you and this factive truly can reach a place where you can get to know each other on equal footing, and maybe one day become friends! Not everyone clicks or gels well with each other, so if that doesn’t happen, that’s okay too. As long as you’re affording this introject the space and agency in order to be who they want to be in life, we think trying to befriend them one day is totally fine.

Again, factives, y’all should take the reins in this sort of discussion. If there’s anything we said here that you feel is inaccurate, or if you have any further advice you can provide for anon, please don’t hesitate to reach out.

Anon, we’re wishing you and this introject the very best of luck with learning to work together and coming to terms with your history in the future.

[roosterbruiser]

giving a life update bc it makes me feel better about myself feat. another face reveal

I think I'm gonna treat this like a sort of journal entry and include some cute pictures so this doesn't feel like an absolute dump :-)

so to begin here's a picture of my nephew (yes it's a dog)

I am so excited for all my upcoming projects. right now, my focus is on finishing CS all the way. after I finish CS, I think I'm gonna go ahead and come out w HOT TO GO! (BRB x Reader) and then start regularly posting VV and SS again. I think I have my October schedule pinned down (like everything that's coming out) and that is so exciting! I can't wait to share w y'all!

I'm a working girl now!! I nanny 4 days a week!! it's lovely!! just one baby who's only 1!! and the parents work from home so I never have to stay late or anything!! it has been a bit of a challenge getting used to the schedule (but I thrive with schedules!) so that's why I've been a bit absent on here!!

still trying to get my house set up....living room has come a loooooong way, but my bedroom is suffering! hoping to work on it here and there! but my main priority is getting back into my regularly scheduled writing!! the living room def isn't completely done (have to finish my gallery walls!) and I wish the walls weren't white, but we're renting so! I do what I must!

plus being back in the area I'm in now means I'm by my friends again so I've been Going Out And Socializing which is crazy!!! here's some pictures of me at a local brewery wearing the bolo necklace I got with @ohgodnotagainn in Colorado!!!

in all complete and utter seriousness, whenever I was coming out with a new chapter for my three stories every single week (and updating Landslide like every two days!) I was at my lowest point. I was like one nasty thought away from having a grippy sock vacation and holding onto anything that eased my Darkness--which was absolutely writing and sharing on here with everyone!

here's a pic of me when I was at one of my lowest points. I was in Chicago in the dead of winter with people I didn't know very well (it was still fun!) and had never felt more lost in my life. it also exactly coincided with my stories getting popular on here after my 200 follower celebration. like, I remember being on the train and checking my Tumblr every hour and always having 100+ notifications. I'll never forget how mind-boggling it was!! I went from 200 followers in early January to 2.8k now in late September. and I love you all SO much!!!

I'd like to think I look much happier now :-)

I kind of have a bf now and I'm sooooo embarrassed ab it. like. who breaks up with the person they thought they were gonna marry, gets back with their ex, and just stays w them??? me, I guess! no but I am actually happy. we're going to see CHAPPELL MF ROAN'S ALBUM RELEASE tomorrow and he's gonna wear a silk scarf and trim his mustache. I'm in love. like, actually in love. Alice Hoffman says, "Fall in love whenever you can." so I did!

the closest I'll give to a face reveal.....

anyway. I'm happy. the only thing I wanna work on right now is my health (simply MUST get into the hot girl mindset) and my writing!! everything else is gravy, baby!!

gonna try to answer asks / mentions / dm's this weekend!