#merlin goes back home and saves the day. also loses a friend because of course he does. the end

[adhd-merlin]

I've read the Will post you reblogged, it's all very sweet, but: Merlin himself has said that the years before he came in Camelot were the loneliest years of his life. His mother, Will, the entire village of people not hostile to magic were less dear to him that his destiny service to Camelot. So, no: relationship with Will is secondary to him, there ficwriters are right writing them in such manner. This passage about loneliness was probably created by the writers to emphasize Arthur & Merlin's unusual kind of friendship, like they only have each other, but in fact it devaluated Will for Merlin and the knights for Arthur.

Hi anon! Cool glasses.

Yeah, I haven't analysed that post that deeply, I just thought there were some interesting points in there (as someone who's never given much thought to Will). And for the record, sometimes I might agree with 90% of a meta post and go "eh, I don't know" about the rest — I might still reblog it, because it's still food for thought, and I'm okay with not agreeing 100% with everyone all of the time. (Unless I think they are blatantly wrong about the remaining 10%). People can interpret things differently and that's alright. That's what makes things interesting!

That said.

Merlin himself has said that the years before he came in Camelot were the loneliest years of his life.

This passage about loneliness was probably created by the writers to emphasize Arthur & Merlin's unusual kind of friendship (...) but in fact it devaluated Will for Merlin

Merlin was always lonely. He might have been less lonely in Camelot than he was in Ealdor, just by virtue of being around more people and feeling like he was working towards a bigger purpose, but he was lonely. He is so lonely it's heartbreaking.

It's... lonely. To be more powerful than any man you know, and have to live like a shadow. To be special, and have to pretend you're a fool.

It's a loneliness born out of having to hide his true nature and, at the same time, being unable to befriend those he could be open with about his magic, people like him — Morgana and Mordred, of course, but occasionally also the Baddie of the Week — because fate and prophecies have set them on opposing sides. It's tragic.*

(Colin Morgan himself briefly touches upon Merlin's loneliness in his commentary to Ep 5x02, when he says "there's a sense of loneliness in all the magical characters, I think. [...] All united in the loneliness.")

So, personally, I don't think Merlin talking about his loneliness says anything negative or even especially significant about the quality of his friendship with Will. Merlin was (and remains) lonely because of his nature and of his circumstances. It's not really anything to do with Will.

His mother, Will, the entire village of people not hostile to magic were less dear to him that his destiny service to Camelot

Just because magic isn't banned in Cenred's kingdom, it doesn't mean that the people there are less hostile to magic. If people in Ealdor were tolerant towards magic, Merlin wouldn't have had to hide it the whole time he was there. He might not have been burnt at the stake for it, but it's very much implied he would've been (at the very least) viewed with mistrust or even ostracised by the other villagers.

And I don't believe S1 Merlin considered his mother less important than his destiny. He tries to bargain his life for hers in 1x13. (Even in 2x09 he is ready to give up his destiny to run away with Freya. Also almost killed Arthur, btw. And yes, in my book that is pretty much a murder attempt).

I assume you're saying that because he initially refused to use magic to defend his village? But like I said, Ealdor was only slightly less hostile to sorcerers than Camelot, and Arthur was right there. It wasn't just a matter of what was more important to Merlin, it was a matter of his own survival too. S1 Arthur wasn't ready to hear about Merlin's magic. He literally lectures Merlin about magic being dangerous while he's watching his childhood friend burn on a funeral pyre (dick move, by the way). The man who died saving his life. So that didn't leave Merlin with much choice, despite what Will's rebuke implies.

In the end he does use magic, and he's almost discovered — he only gets away with it because Will takes the blame. So his reluctance in using magic to defend his village wasn't completely unfounded.

Was Will more important than Arthur to S1 Merlin, or even equally important? I suppose that's a matter of interpretation.

The author wrote:

I feel that Merlin’s relationship with Will is something that is important to him, and something that he has never considered to be secondary or less important than the relationships he built in Camelot.

IMO, Will was clearly a dear friend to Merlin, regardless of his comment about feeling lonely in Ealdor. And I don't know if Merlin's relationship with Will was as important to him as the relationships he built in Camelot (in which I include people other than Arthur, like Gaius and Gwen), but it clearly was important.

Will was literally the only person who knew about Merlin's magic, other than his mother, before he met Gaius. The only person he didn't have to hide his true nature from. That's got to count for something.

And as much as Merlin cared about Arthur, he never had that with him. It was, tragically, a very one-sided relationship, until almost the very end.

I think you might still argue that Merlin's relationship with Arthur was more important — if you were so inclined — because of the whole destiny thing and how it gave Merlin a sense of purpose. But based on the friendship alone? Very one-sided, like I said. And I don't think Merlin was significantly less lonely around Arthur.

Sorry, I've just rambled on.

_____________________________________________

*I'm 100% sure I wrote a short meta post (well, random thoughts) about this because it's something I've thought about so much. And now I can't find it. Why do I even tag posts when I can't find anything half of the time!!

ETA: found it

[bitsandbobsofwriting]

Merthur soulmate AU where they can always find each other:

Leon fulfils his self-appointed “older brother” role by helping them get away with it, and Morgana decides the son of her new guardian wasn’t so bad after all, if he came with such a great friend.

Part 2   Part 3 Part 4

This was requested a little while ago, also Homophobia doesn’t exist in this world and maybe that’s unrealistic but I literally don’t care, let me have this.

Everyone has a soulmate. It’s a fact of life.

No one really knows quite how it works, only that it’s something magical, and has been around since before recorded history.

Everyone can find their soulmate. They feel a tug in their heart, that always pulls them in the right direction, no matter what. No matter what obstacles or distance separates them, they may always be united, they may always find their way home.

Soulmate bonds were the one piece of magic that King Uther left untouched when he started his purge, for he was bonded to Arthur’s mother, and despite his cruelty, he could never find it in himself to deprive others of such a feeling. 

(Besides, they were so ancient and global, there’s nothing he could’ve done to destroy them; easier to save his pride and leave them be.)

Very rarely, only a few times in a century, a pairing will appear whose bond is so strong, the compass in their hearts works in a slightly different manner.

King Uther’s son, Prince Arthur, and heir to the throne of Camelot, was one half of such a special pairing.

~

The first time the Prince disappeared, he was five, and meant to be taking a nap.

This meant that his nannies hadn’t even noticed he was gone before he reappeared in his bed, and no one in the castle knew of his little adventure.

To say Hunith was surprised by the appearance of a very young, very blond child in her kitchen was an understatement. 

The last thing she was expecting to see when she turned around from laying her three year old down for a nap, was a noble-looking boy, who definitely hadn’t been there moments before.

After she recovers from her shock, she glances over at the front door (still locked) before looking back at the child with concern. She took a step towards him, and crouched down before quietly speaking:

“Hi there sweetie, how did you get in here?”

Child!Arthur ignores her, instead taking a wobbly step towards Toddler!Merlin, and without looking away from him, asks:

“Who’s that?”

Hunith is taken aback at that, and looks more closely at the child. He was clearly in sleep clothes, but they were made from expensive fabrics, and he looked chubby and happy and healthy, not like most young children around these parts.

She steps in front of Arthur again to try and catch his eye:

“Why don’t you tell me your name, and we’ll try to find your mum?”

Arthur looks at her only briefly as he pouts, before side-stepping again and regaining his line of sight to the dark haired toddler (still sleeping):

“Don’t have a mum. And dad’s busy. I wanted to find my person.”

Hunith tilts her head at that, but before she can ask what he means, Arthur finally looks at her properly, and begins speaking again:

“Are you my person? Or is it him? Nanny Marge says everyone has a person, and we can always find them.” he says it with confidence, and a self satisfied nod.

Hunith blinks, she knows all about soulmates, everyone does, but that still didn’t explain how the child had just appeared:

“Well, my name’s Hunith, and that’s my son, Merlin. Where are you from?”

Arthur yawns and stumbles towards Merlin, wrapped in blankets and laid in the corner. Hunith goes to grab him (Merlin was a fussy toddler, and it took forever to get him to sleep and she really didn’t want him to be woken up again.) but relaxes as Arthur sits cross-legged about a foot away from him, not ripping his gaze away for a moment.

He looks back up at Hunith sleepily, obviously starting to feel the effects of not napping:

“Mer-lin. I like that name. Like the birdy. I’m Prince Arthur of Camelot, son of King Uther.” He says the last part like it’s been rehearsed (it has) and Hunith stifles a gasp as she finally realises what’s happened.

Her old love, before he left, had told her of the rare pairings that appeared occasionally. The soulmates whose bond is so strong, they simply have to wish to be in the others presence, and they will appear there.

Truth be told, Hunith thought it was just a story. Soulmates are fairytale enough, but being able to appear at their side whenever you so wished? That was the stuff of love-stories and legend. Yet here stood a child, who claimed to be a Prince from another kingdom, who should be safely locked away in a castle several days journey from here. And all he seemed interested in, was Merlin.

Hunith wasn’t really sure what to do with this revelation. Not that she wasn’t glad her son had a soulmate, but her son’s soulmate was heir to a throne that would order a pyre for Merlin, even as a child. Merlin was floating spoons and lighting candles and knocking over cups before he could even crawl. Camelot was no place for him, at least not right now.

What if he accidentally did magic in front of the Prince? Would Arthur be scared, would he hate his own soulmate? Or would he not yet understand and tell someone accidentally? Would the King order his own son’s soulmate killed, if he found out?

Hunith shook the questions from her mind for now. Merlin was asleep, and she needed to figure out how to persuade Arthur that he needed to go back home:

“Arthur, that’s a lovely name. I know you want to find your person Arthur, but I think it might be best if you go home, before someone starts worrying, don’t you?”

Little Arthur yawns again, but pouts:

“I don’t want to go back. It’s so boring there, no one except Leon lets me play anything, and Leon’s busy.”

Hunith holds in a sigh, she can imagine life is difficult for an heir to the throne, especially with a father like Uther. She crouches down to his level again:

“I know sweetie, but you don’t want anyone worrying, do you?”

Arthur waits a moment before shaking his head forlornly. Hunith hopes she’s persuaded him, the only way he would go back is if he wanted to, she couldn’t force him. And she really didn’t want to have to journey back to Camelot on foot, and have to explain to the King why she had his son:

“No. I like Nanny Marge, and dad is always mean to her when she loses me.” Hunith frowns at that, but before she can say anything, Arthur stands on wobbly legs, and looks at her with determination:

“Ok. Bye-bye-”

He looks to Merlin again, and whispers his next few words, like he didn’t want to wake him:

“Bye Merlin. I promise I’ll come back-”

He looks back to Hunith again:

“Please can I come back? Leon says I should ask permission before going to someone’s home, so can I please please come back?”

Hunith worries her lip with her teeth at that, they were soulmates, she couldn’t exactly say no. But she also didn’t want to encourage the little prince to just disappear whenever he was bored:

“I... of course, Arthur, you’re more than welcome. But not too often, and not for too long, OK?” she tilts her head in question, and smiles when Arthur gives a decisive nod. 

She holds in a smile as the Little Prince (what she had affectionately been referring to him as in her head) scrunched his face in concentration, closing his eyes. After a few seconds, he disappears with a pop and a few sparks, and she lets out a breath of relief, hoping that he had returned safely.

She stands still for a moment and blinks, seemingly trying to process all that had happened. She hums thoughtfully, before looking lovingly towards her son, and muttering to herself:

“I have a feeling that your future just got a lot more complicated, my love.”

~

For the next year, Arthur would pop in and out of Hunith’s house once a month or so. He only ever came when he was meant to be having a nap (the only time he was really unsupervised during the day).

Luckily, it would appear, that he and Merlin shared nap times; Merlin can’t accidentally expose his magic to the Little Prince if he was asleep every time he appeared.

Over the visits, Hunith learnt as much about Arthur as she could. He knew Gaius, which she was definitely relieved at (and sent a letter to him explaining everything the day she found out they knew each other). Someone in the castle knowing where Arthur had disappeared off to, if anyone ever noticed, would help.

She also found out who Leon was, the son of a noble, an aspiring knight-to-be, around twelve years old to Arthur’s six (both he and Merlin had birthdays at some point between visits), and that he seemed to be the only person around who allowed Arthur to have a little fun every once in a while.

After a little coaxing, she found that Arthur didn’t really know anything about his mother, only what Leon could remember, because Uther refused to speak of her (she thought that was a little heartbreaking, but hid it well).

Arthur kept his word, and never stayed for longer than ten minutes, but Hunith worried; she knew she wouldn’t be able to hold Arthur off for very long. He had visited around thirteen times, and Merlin had been asleep for every one of them. 

Arthur would want to wake him up eventually, to actually talk to his soulmate, and who knows what Merlin would do.

~

Eventually, a few months before Merlin’s fifth birthday, Hunith sat him down and told him what had been happening. That he and his soulmate were very special, and that Arthur had been visiting whilst he was asleep.

To say that Merlin was excited was a vast understatement, and Hunith had to quell her panic when he asked if he could visit Arthur where he was:

“No Merlin, I’m sorry, you have to stay here, remember?-”

She frowns sorrowfully at Merlin’s pout and teary eyes, before schooling her face into a smile and continuing:

“But I promise, next time he visits, I’ll wake you up and you can play together, does that sound fun?-”

She chuckles at his excited nod:

“But only if you don’t use your gift sweetheart, Arthur might not be as good at keeping secrets as you or I am, so we’ll have to wait until he’s older, do you understand?” she whispers that, hoping that it would be easier to convince him if he thought of it as a fun game, instead of a life threatening secret.

Merlin thinks for a minute before nodding:

“Yes mama. No magic until he’s older.”

Hunith pats him on the head, taking a deep breath and preparing herself for Merlin to repeatedly ask her how long until Arthur visited.

~

So that’s how it goes for several years, Arthur visiting Ealdor when no one was paying attention, he and Merlin playing quietly, with no magic, for a while, before Arthur popped back home.

Hunith was grateful for the current simplicity, but she knew it couldn’t last. Merlin had been asking more and more if he could visit Arthur, and it was only a matter of time before he snuck off without telling her.

That, and the magic problem.

Arthur had spoken of his lessons, how according to everyone at home, magic was evil. Merlin always looked so sad at that, and Hunith was grateful for the fact that Arthur didn’t sound so sure. But she also knew that it was only a matter of time before Arthur was convinced by his father’s determined hatred, and she didn’t want to see the heartbreak on Merlin’s face.

The first time The Little Prince spoke of an execution, he was eight, and Merlin had just had his seventh birthday. Merlin cried as Arthur described it, and Hunith had to stop the anger at Arthur growing in her: it wasn’t his fault, and he didn’t exactly sound happy about it at all.

If anything, he seemed almost as upset as Merlin and when Arthur had noticed Merlin’s tears, he stopped talking immediately and bit his lip, looking to Hunith worriedly.

Hunith clenched her jaw before wrapping an arm around each of the children, and speaking to Arthur quietly as Merlin still sniffled:

“Do you think you can keep a secret, Arthur? A really big one, from everyone? Even Leon and your dad?”

He nodded vigorously, and Hunith gives him a weak smile before looking to Merlin, who stared back at her with watery eyes:

“Go on then Merlin, I think he’s old enough to know, don’t you?”

Merlin nodded this time, a little more hesitantly than Arthur, but he looks to his soulmate anyway.

Arthur stared back with wide, worried eyes, and gasped as Merlin all but whispered:

“I was born with magic. I am magic.”

Arthur looks scared for a split second, before he shuffles close to Merlin and taking his pudgy hand in his own. He thinks for a second, before looking at Hunith quickly, and then Merlin. He gives a firm nod as he says:

“I don’t care, and I promise not to tell anyone. If you have magic then it can’t be evil, and when I’m King, I’ll make sure everyone else knows that as well.”

Hunith lets out a sigh of relief, feeling like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders as Arthur’s short arms pull the three of them into a tight hug.

~

The first time Merlin disappears, is almost a year later. Arthur was nine, and Merlin was only a few days away from being eight.

During Arthur’s last visit, he had told them of a new addition to the castle, a sad, dark haired girl called Morgana, a year older than him.

He explained that something had happened to her parents, and his father had taken her in.

Merlin seemed concerned at that, and Hunith had a feeling that it would only be a matter of time before her son decided he wanted to help her (the boy was dangerously empathetic, he teared up at even the thought of other people suffering).

When she found the scrawled note on the table (Arthur had begun sneaking books with him, and he and Hunith would sit with Merlin, teaching him to read and write as best they could) with backwards letters and misspelt words, she almost panicked.

But she sat herself down and took a deep breath, knowing that Arthur had managed to keep the secret so far, and that Merlin could just reappear if he found himself in danger.

That didn’t stop her from scolding a sheepish Merlin when he returned half an hour later.

~

Arthur and Merlin had organised it on their previous visit. Arthur would make sure that he was locked safely in his room at a specific time, and Merlin could come to him for a change. Then Arthur could go get Morgana (and maybe Leon) so he could meet them. 

Morgana had only been there for a month or so, and she had yet to warm up to Arthur. She was quiet, but had a sharp tongue when she chose to speak, not that that had put Arthur off quite yet. 

He was still determined that they would be friends, and Merlin was great! So what better way to get Morgana to like him, than to introduce her to Merlin?

Merlin was overjoyed when he appeared in Arthur’s room, the bedchamber being larger that the footprint of his entire house back in Ealdor. The bed itself was what he found most impressive, it was so huge and soft! And there were so many blankets and pillows! Merlin quietly thought to himself that he should come here more often.

Arthur was nervous. Excited, but nervous. They’d known each other for years now, but this was the first time that Merlin was actually seeing his home. What if he didn’t like it? What if he didn’t want to be soulmates anymore, because he preferred his own home?

(”Although-” The Little Prince started to think, “if Merlin decided he wanted to stay in Ealdor, I think I would just stay with him. ‘Gana can do all my boring King stuff here, and I can go be a farmer with Merlin.”)

Those nerves disappeared the moment he saw the grin on Merlin’s face. Arthur showed Merlin where to hide, just in case, whilst he went to fetch Morgana. He had already told her he had a surprise, so it shouldn’t take too long to persuade her to follow him.

Arthur found her in a flower garden hidden round the back of the castle, she gave in and allowed him to drag her by the hand to his chambers with only minimal grumbling. She did however glare as Arthur pressed a hand over her mouth when she went to question why they were hiding from everyone who passed them in the corridors.

Eventually they were stood outside Arthur’s chambers, but before they enter, Arthur turns to Morgana and whispers conspiratorially:

“This is a secret so you have to promise not to tell anyone, kay? Not even Leon or my dad.”

Before Morgana could reply, she gasps, looking over Arthur’s shoulder with wide eyes.

Arthur turns and bites his lip as he sees Leon (now 15, and well into his initial Knight training) leaning against the wall casually, arms folded on his chest, and an eyebrow raised:

“What is it that no one is meant to be telling me, My Lord?”

Morgana stands in silence, hands folded in front of her, trying to appear as casual as possible as Arthur stutters:

“Oh... err... nothing Leon. I just wanted.... I wanted to show ‘Gana what I learnt on the piano this morning!” He hears Morgana huff behind him, she hated when Arthur called her that, and had said as much to him, but he didn’t seem to care.

Leon raises his eyebrow even further as he begins walking towards the two children:

“Is that so? Well why is that such a big secret? Don’t you want to show me too?”

As Leon stops in front of Arthur, towering over the boy, he puts his serious “I’m-potentially-about-to-tell-you-off-if-you-don’t-start-telling-the-truth” face:

“I... uhh... wanted it to be a secret! Until I get better! Then I can show you and dad!”

Morgana struggles not to mutter complaints at his terrible lying as Leon sighs:

“Arthur, what have we said about lying? It makes communication hard, and makes it difficult for people to trust you, and will only lead to problems later on. Would you like to try again?”

Arthur looks to the floor as he shuffles again, and Morgana feels just a little sorry for him. Not that she would say that.

Leon sighs once more and crouches to his level, forcing Arthur to meet his eyes. He gives the young prince a small smile as he speaks:

“If you don’t want to tell me Arthur, that’s fine. “It’s a secret for me and Morgana” is a perfectly acceptable answer. But lying isn’t. If you promise me that you aren’t doing anything naughty, then I’ll trust you, but I would feel better if another adult did know about it.”

Arthur looks up at him at that, surprised. His father would never accept Arthur keeping secrets from him. He replies quietly:

“It’s a secret for me and Morgana... and an adult does know about it... sort of. And it isn’t bad, I promise! Buuuuut-”

Arthur fiddles with his hands as he looks to his door briefly, before looking back at Leon:

“-if you promise to keep it a secret too, then you can see!-”

Arthur pulls his face into a scowl before continuing:

“-but ONLY if you promise!”

Leon hums exaggeratedly, and rubs his chin:

“Well... I promise to keep it a secret IF it isn’t naughty, or hurting anyone. How does that sound?”

Arthur’s face breaks into a grin and he nods, before opening his door and stepping inside. He quickly waves the others in and shuts and locks the door behind them, taking their hands in his own:

“You can come out now Merls, I’ve bought them!”

Leon and Morgana were astonished when a skinny, semi-grubby, obviously peasant-boy, came crawling out from under Arthur’s bed, and had to hold in gasps.

Merlin stands awkwardly as Arthur grins at him, and waves nervously to the new-comers:

“Hi... I’m Merlin. Me and Arthur are-”

Before he can finish, Arthur excitedly interrupts him:

“He’s my soulmate!”

The room is silent for a while, Merlin getting more nervous by the second, Arthur practically bouncing off the walls with excitement (and being oblivious to the awkwardness), Morgana being marginally surprised but taking it in her stride, and Leon... well... Leon was absolutely freaking out. But you wouldn’t know that from looking at him.

After only about a minute (but it feels like forever for Merlin), Leon stutters some words out:

“Arthur where did you.... why... where did you find this kid??”

Arthur looks to him in confusion as he stops jumping up and down:

“I told you. He’s my soulmate.-”

He puffs up his chest and puts his hand on his hips, looking extremely proud of himself as he continues:

“-I found him all on my own. I’ve been visiting him forever, but I wanted him to come here for once, so he could meet ‘Gana.”

Morgana breaks out her stupor at that, and looks at Arthur incredulously before looking back at Merlin:

“Hi, Merlin.” with a small smile, which Merlin returns.

Leon takes in a deep breath, wondering how the hell he was supposed to deal with this. The Prince had... kidnapped a commoner? Without anyone in the castle noticing?? What??? Nothing in his lessons trained him for this.

He shakes off his confusion and finally looks away from Merlin, and to Arthur:

“Wait... what do you mean you’ve been visiting him? When have you been going? And where?”

Arthur swayed on the spot, trying to look innocent:

“At the beginning I went when I was supposed to be napping. Then I would go when I was meant to be doing self-study. I only go once or month or so, and not for very long. Merlin’s mum is always worried about someone missing me.”

Leon takes another deep breath:

“Arthur... how did you sneak out without anyone noticing? And how did you get Merlin in?”

As much as Leon wanted to solve the problem of “there is a random commoner child in the prince’s room” thing, he was also greatly disturbed by the fact that two children, who hadn’t even hit double digits yet, had been sneaking in and out of what was meant to be a heavily fortified, guarded, castle, for years.

Arthur seems to have a realisation at Leon’s questions:

“OH! Like this!”

With that, he runs out the room, and Leon goes to follow him, but the prince manages to shut the door just before he got there.

Morgana is looking on all of this with mild confusion and shock, not really understanding what was going on, but happy to wait quietly and see what would happen.

Just as Leon goes to open the door, he hears a pop, followed by a voice from behind him:

“See!” Leon freezes and he hears Morgana gasp.

The teen turns around slowly, to see a grinning Arthur stood next to a cheerful looking Merlin:

“Uhh... Arthur, how did you do that?-”

Leon begins panicking, the only thing running through his head is “sorcery!” and whilst he would like to believe that Uther would never harm his own son, with the way he was going with the purge... there was no guarantee.

He rushes forward and grips Arthur’s shoulders:

“I need you to tell me how you did that, right now Arthur, it’s important.”

Arthur frowns as he replies:

“I told you. He’s my soulmate. I just have to want to be with him, and I can be. Merlin’s mum says it’s super rare, and that makes us special.” Morgana once again gasps at that before smiling, and speaking for the first time since she said hello to Merlin:

“I heard about that! Two of the nobles in my old home could do it. It IS rare, but sometimes soulmates can blink and be next to each other, if they wanted that!”

Arthur and Merlin nod enthusiastically at that, and Leon sags with relief, now that his mind and heart weren’t racing so much, he did remember briefly reading something about that during his studies. And if all of this was just soulmate magic... then they should be safe.

Though by the looks of the boy... probably still best not tell Uther about it. He doubts the King would be pleased about his son being bonded with a peasant.

“Ok... ok.-”

Leon turns his attention to Merlin:

“-You said your name was Merlin? Does someone know that you’re here?”

Merlin nods as he replies:

“I left a note for my mum. But I can’t be too long though, or she’ll worry.”

Leon looks surprised at that:

“You can read and write?”

“I taught him!” comes proudly from Arthur. 

Leon nods again and re-locks the door behind him, before gesturing at everyone to sit on the soft rug together.

After establishing that Merlin had only arrived just before Arthur went to fetch Morgana, Leon says that they can sit and talk for another 15 minutes or so before Merlin had to go home.

Arthur pouted at that, but a look from Leon stopped him before he actually complained. Morgana and Leon spent the time asking questions about Merlin: where he was from, and how old he was, and about his family.

Merlin was shy at first, but Arthur had been talking about Leon forever, and Morgana seemed nice, even if she did look a bit sad sometimes.

After their time was up, everyone gave Merlin a quick hug, and Arthur promised he’d try to pop over at some point next week (Leon definitely had to stop the momentary panic at that).

Merlin disappeared with a pop, and Arthur made Morgana and Leon promise not to tell once more. Once they promised, they each wondered off Morgana to an afternoon lesson, Leon to s training session, both deep in thought.

Arthur smiled to himself. He didn’t like keeping things from Leon, because he was the only one around who was any fun, and Morgana had definitely seemed happier. So his plan succeeded!

~

It continued like that for some time. Arthur was the one who went to Merlin’s most often, but occasionally Merlin would go to him.

Morgana slowly started cheering up, recovering from her grief, and the three of them (almost always overseen by an always-worrying Leon) loved spending time together, and playing in the safety of Arthur’s chambers.

Thankfully, Uther never questioned it, happy that his son and his new ward seemed to be getting along finally.

The first time Merlin woke crying from a nightmare that was filled with smoke and fire, he was twelve.

He appeared in Arthur’s room within seconds, wanting nothing but the comfort of having his soulmate next to him, and Arthur woke to the quiet sniffling of a distraught Merlin perched on the end of his bed. 

Before he’s even fully awake, he has him wrapped in a hug, and is stroking his hair in an effort to calm him.

There may not be guards stationed outside his rooms during the day, but there were at night, and would be until he turned 18 (still four and a half years away), so they needed to be quiet.

They fall asleep curled up next to each other, clutching hands, and Merlin sleeps through the rest of the night without a problem. (They both wake with a start as a servant knocks on the door the next morning, and after the quickest hug they’ve ever shared, Merlin pops away, back to his own bed.)

That begins to happen more and more often, and after a couple weeks, Merlin is sleeping in Arthur’s bed most nights. 

He isn’t quite sure if he sleeps so much better because the bed is worth more than his entire village (it’s so comfy!), or if his magic is more relaxed with Arthur by his side, but either way, the nightmares stop almost entirely.

Hunith realises fairly quickly what’s going on, and does worry briefly if going to the place his nightmares took place in was the best, but Merlin seemed happier, and less tired, and once he promised to always be back before the servants came into Arthur’s room, she was a little more ok with it.

(She also made Merlin and Arthur swear to tell Leon, just in case. She hasn’t met Leon of course, but the boys talk about him and Morgana constantly, and she was grateful that the boys had someone other than Gaius (who hadn’t actually met Merlin yet) to look out for them. At this rate, Leon wouldn’t be surprised if all of this caused him to have a heart attack before he was even officially knighted. But he wouldn’t have it any other way.)

Once Arthur finally persuades Merlin to tell him what his nightmares are about, he’s horrified. It’ll be then that Arthur will begin to be more vocal about his objection to the executions, and ask questions about magic. Uther always punishes him of course, but Arthur just learns to hold his tongue instead.

Merlin cries, Morgana smiles widely, and Leon is speechless, when Arthur tells them that:

“When I’m King, magic will be everywhere! Of course people will have to be careful with it, but in the same way us knights have to be careful with swords. Isn’t that right, Leon?”

Leon goes pale at that, and takes a few moments to respond:

“Right... well. Just.... make sure you do your research Arthur, and that you know all the facts, and do NOT, no matter what, ever tell your father about this. Do you understand?”

Arthur nods glumly. He’s tried to change his father’s mind in the past, and it got him nothing but bruised knuckles and an hour long yelled lecture and extra training hours with the knights.

Leon looks to a sniffling Merlin next, and asks him what’s wrong. Arthur holds in a worried gasp, and Morgana raises an eyebrow (even at 14, she was incredibly observant and smart, she knew what was up).

Merlin grabs Arthur’s hand, but looks up at Leon through thick eyelashes, and mumbles so quietly, Leon barely hears it:

“Promise you won’t get mad? Or hate me?”

Leon has a bad feeling that he knows where this is going, but he puts a gentle hand on Merlin’s shoulder and gives him a soft smile:

“I could never hate you Merlin, promise.”

At that, Merlin bites his lip, and glances at Arthur quickly, before looking to the fire in the hearth. Leon furrows his brow in confusion, and Morgana hides an excited smile as Merlin mumbles under his breath:

“Give me a dragon.”

Leon gasps and takes a step back as the flames flutter, as if blown by a strong wind, before morphing into a miniature dragon.

The royal sorta-siblings look on in wonder as Merlin screws his face in concentration, eyes glowing golden, and Leon stares, speechless.

After a few minutes of the dragon flying around the large fireplace, it fades back into the flames again. Morgana whispers under her breath:

“That was amazing!” and Arthur smiles proudly as Merlin takes in deep breaths. He’d never held it that long before, and it had worn him out slightly.

He looks back to Leon (who is still staring dumbly at the fire) and furrows his brows in worry:

“You did promise... you’re not scared of me are you?” He looks close to tears again, and the tremble in his voice grabs Leon’s attention once again.

The older teen gathers the three of them in a tight hug, before whispering (worried someone would hear, even though they never have before):

“Of course I’m not scared of you, Birdy (an affectionate nickname, started by Morgana, and picked up by everyone else, much to Merlin’s chagrin), you just have to promise to be careful. I promise to try my best, but if someone else finds out I probably won’t be able to protect you, Ok?”

At that he pulls back, but grips Merlin’s shoulders tightly, worry written all over his face. When Merlin only nods infinitesimally, Leon shakes him ever so slightly, and gives him a desperate look:

“OK??” Merlin nods more vigorously, and mutters out an “I understand, Leon.”

Leon lets go and sighs, looking to the floor and fiddling with his hands hidden behind his back (one of the many rules he learnt growing up as a noble: fidgeting is a sign on weakness).

He takes in a fortifying breath and moves his hands to his sides before looking out the window, noticing that it’s almost dusk and looking back to the three children with a smile:

“You best get home Merlin, it’s getting late and I don’t want your mum to worry. Same time next week, ok? Next time we see each other, I’ll be a knight.” He says it with a grin, and smiles light up on the other’s faces as well. They were young, but they knew how much this meant to Leon, especially Arthur, who was about a year into his training.

Merlin gives everyone a quick hug, lingering a little longer on Arthur (like always) before stepping back, and disappearing with a pop.

~

The secret is revealed when Merlin is 15 (Arthur being 16, Morgana being 17, and Leon being 22).

The four of them had agreed a next meeting time, like normal, though they were having to be far more careful. With Arthur being older, he was being saddled with more and more responsibilities. His training hours and lessons were longer, he was expected to travel away from the city more, and he shadowed The King whilst he undertook his duties for the rest of the day.

Uther had mentioned Arthur’s soulmate in passing a few times (that always incited a hidden smirk from Morgana, and a nervous gulp from Leon, if he was around).

But Arthur always managed to derail the conversation and avoid the topic by saying something along the lines of “Finding my soulmate is important to me father, but not as important as learning to be the best King I can be for the kingdom. I feel the pull everyday, but until I am steadfast in my abilities and duties, it will remain unimportant to me.”

Uther always looked partially sad at that, he had loved Arthur’s mother, his soulmate, very much. But mostly he is proud at Arthur’s confidence and determination and loyalty.

If only he realised that Arthur was lying through his teeth, and had decided when he was incredibly young that he would happily hand all of it over to Morgana, in order to lead a simpler life with Merlin.

Anyway.

The next meeting time had been agreed. But bandits had been sighted causing trouble a few hours outside of the city, and Arthur was called to attend an emergency council meeting.

The page didn’t leave his side for a second, leading him straight to the council-room, meaning that Arthur couldn’t pop away for even two seconds to warn Merlin not to come.

He just had to hope that the meeting was over quick, and he could escape somewhere solitary before the young Warlock came around.

He was so close.

He paid close attention during the meeting, making excellent suggestions and being generally helpful, in an effort to speed things along. This backfired in a way he didn’t quite expect.

The meeting ended, knights sent to deal with the problem in the manner decided, and councilman heading back to whatever it is they did when not in meetings (at this point Arthur still doesn’t know, and is too afraid to ask). 

The Prince had almost made it out of the door before Uther called him back in. He halts in the doorway, and Morgana, ahead of him in the hallway, looks back, giving him a fearful look and mouthing “Give him an excuse! Hurry!”

Arthur turns back to the room (now devoid of everyone but The King and himself):

“I apologise father, but I was in the middle of-”

Uther gives him a stern look, and crooks a finger towards himself:

“Come. Here.”

Arthur schools his face, appearing blank, as he re-enters the room and shuts the door behind him. He stands to attention in front of his father, and figures this is just another part of the meeting he would have to hurry along. 

He glances at the shadows on the wall quickly, he should have another few minutes, as long as Merlin didn’t get too excited and appear earlier than he’s meant to.

“I wanted to congratulate you today Arthur. You did very well-”

He places a hand on his son’s shoulder and smiles hesitantly:

“-I... I’m proud of you. You’re learning well, picking things up quickly. You understand the workings of court and council near fluently now, and Sirs Kay and Leon tell me that your combat training is going astoundingly.”

Arthur’s resolve crumbles a little at that, and he almost forgets his desperation to leave the room:

“I... thank you, father. I’m trying my best to do you and the kingdom proud.”

Uther nods firmly at that and removes his hand, stepping back, the tender moment over as quickly as it had begun:

“Good. You are dismissed for the day, go back to your studies.”

Arthur struggles to hold in a relieved sigh as he bows briefly before turning around and almost rushing towards the door. He is too late however, and just as he reaches for the doorknob, he hears the tell tale pop sound from behind him. He freezes as he hears:

“Arthur, where the hell-” quickly interrupted by his father roaring:

“WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?! GUARDS!”

Arthur rushes to turn around and grabs Merlin’s hand, pulling him to the side as guards burst through the door he was just stood in front of.

All of them raise swords at the terrified boy that Uther was pointing at, and Arthur quickly positions his body between them and Merlin:

“NO! Don’t hurt him! Please!”

Morgana rushes in just moments after the guards, and spots the boys immediately, stepping around the knights and standing next to Arthur defiantly. Uther looks affronted before yelling, red-faced:

“What is the meaning of this? Explain yourselves this instant, and get away from that beast!”

Morgana tightens her jaw as she takes Merlin’s other hand protectively in her own. She can feel him shaking, but knows he is too scared to just disappear again. She’s secretly grateful for that. If Merlin disappeared now there would be a manhunt and demands of explanations. The King might believe them if they can show him the truth (the same way the boys had shown her and Leon all those years ago).

“Please father, just listen. Merlin is my soulmate, it isn’t sorcery, we simply have a bond stronger than others-”

At Uther’s still-angry snarl, Arthur straightens his back, and takes in a breath, standing still and strong:

“You will NOT harm him. I would lay down my life before you lay a hand on him.” The guards falter a little at that, but still keep their swords raised.

Arthur hears Merlin take in a shaky breath at that, and squeezes his hand slightly. Morgana nods her agreement and Arthur gives her a brief, grateful smile as she says confidently:

“The same goes for me, if you wish to harm Merlin, or separate him from Arthur, you will have to order your guards to strike me down first.”

Uther lets out a growl at that:

“Soulmate or not, he used sorcery to appear out of thin air. That is treachery!”

Arthur huffs before shouting back:

“NO! Just ask Gaius, or Geoffrey. Occasionally, there are soulmates whose bond is stronger than normal, just ask Gaius-”

Arthur gives Uther his own growl as he continues:

“-And like I said. I would challenge you yourself, before I allowed anyone to hurt him.”

Uther slumps slightly and narrows his eyes at his son before telling one of the younger guards to fetch Gaius and Geoffrey immediately. He does however tell the other guards to keep their swords trained on the boy, and Merlin almost takes a frightened step back, only stopped by Arthur and Morgana, who hold him steady.

Arthur and Uther remain in a hard staring contest for the few minutes it takes the guard to return, Gaius and Geoffrey in tow.

Gaius glances at Merlin in surprise, but covers it quickly as he returns his gaze to The King as he growls:

“Tell me all you know of soulmate bonds.”

Geoffrey speaks first, confusion in his tone:

“My Lord?” 

Uther levels a glare at him as he yells:

“NOW!”

Geoffrey is taken aback, but replies immediately:

“Well My Lord, everyone on this earth has a soulmate, someone whose soul is bound to your own. The bonds provide a compass of sorts, meaning that one can always tell what direction their soulmate is, and, with practice, roughly how far away they are. No one is certain of how these bonds come about, though centuries of research show that they aren’t harmful in anyway, and other than incredibly rare, extreme, cases, the two whose souls are bonded are a perfect match for each other; bound to fall in love-”

Gaius jumps in here:

“And in even rarer cases, My Lord, a pair may appear whose bond is so strong, they have further... abilities. This pair of souls will be able to appear to each other at will, only needing to wish to be in the other’s presence. They are also able to disappear again, but may only transport themselves to the position they were before. Academics are even more perplexed as to how these bonds are forged, though the only known pairs with such a bond have all gone on to achieve great things.”

Gaius resists the urge to look towards the three teenagers, and keeps his placating gaze on The King, who does seem to be calming slightly. Uther looks to Geoffrey for confirmation, and the librarian nods, adding:

“It is incredibly rare sire, but possible, and proven.”

Uther is considerably less angry now, but the guards don’t relax, and neither do Arthur or Morgana as The King speaks again:

“How would one prove such a bond, and differentiate it from sorcery?”

Gaius jumps to answer this question, trying to keep control of the situation:

“Well one could simply ask for a demonstration-”

He gestures to the teenagers still huddled to the side:

“-I’m assuming that these...?-”

At Uther’s stiff nod, he continues:

“-might I ask Prince Arthur to leave the room, the door shut behind him, and demonstrate his ability?” Uther looks angry for a moment, and Morgana tightens her hold on Merlin as he takes in a scared gasp. After a few moments of deliberation, The King looks to his son and gives a slight, but firm, nod.

Arthur gives Merlin a quick smile, and reluctantly lets go of his hand before saying:

“I’m only leaving him if the guards sheath their swords, and step back-”

Uther goes to interrupt him, but Arthur continues harshly:

-And THAT, is final.”

Uther gives a nod once more, and the guards cautiously put their swords away. Arthur nods at Morgana, and she takes his place directly in front of Merlin as he walks out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

Morgana can feel Merlin shaking behind her, but she grits her teeth, and squeezes his hand. She meant what she said, she would force the guards to cut her down before she allowed them to hurt her friend.

A second later, she hears the tell tale pop, and smirks slightly at the astounded look on Uther’s face, not having to look to know that Arthur was now stood behind her.

Uther still looks slightly disbelieving, but before he can say anything (or God forbid accuse his son of sorcery) Gaius speaks up:

“I have both ancient and modern literature on the subject My Lord, if you would like to read about it.”

Uther lets out a sigh, and purses his lips before looking to the physician:

“Very well. Have them ready for me tonight. Everybody out! I wish to talk to my son and this... boy.”

Gaius throws one last glance to the three teenagers, before shuffling out the room, closely followed by Geoffrey and the guards. Morgana stays in place.

Uther looks exasperated before saying:

“That includes you, Morgana. Out-”

Morgana interrupts him angrily:

“No. I will not leave. Merlin may be Arthur’s soulmate, but he’s my friend as well. I won’t allow you to hurt him, or speak down to him.”

Uther looks enraged once again, but Arthur speaks before he can start yelling again:

“I shan’t talk about it unless Morgana is allowed to remain, father. She has been nothing but loyal and protective of Merlin, and as his soulmate, I appreciate that greatly. She stays.” 

Arthur thought about demanding that Sir Leon be summoned as well, but he didn’t want to get the man into trouble, he had already done so much for them. And besides, Arthur is fairly certain that if he continues to order his Father around like this, he’ll lose his temper once more. There’s only so many demands someone can make of the King before context becomes unimportant, and it becomes a matter of pride.

Uther grits his teeth once more before nodding, and muttering out a quiet “Fine.”.

The King straightens himself, and regains his regal composure before speaking once again:

“Merlin, was it? Bring yourself forward, boy.”

Morgana goes to argue, and Arthur looks insulted, both about to retort against the tone and choice of words, but before they can say anything, Merlin pushes between them, to face Uther head on.

He gives a small bow, but maintains eye contact, and speaks once he raises again:

“Yes sire, my name is Merlin.”

Uther scowls as he looks him up and down, and Merlin can feel Arthur and Morgana fuming either side of him.

“You look like nothing but a farmer. I will not have my son and only heir, bonded to a peasant.”

Merlin goes to retort at that, indignant at having his worth as a person lowered by his class status, but before even Arthur can speak up, Morgana steps forwards angrily:

“I told you, I will not allow you to speak down to him. Merlin is a wonderful person. Kind, and compassionate, and wise beyond his years; he’s twice the man most of your so called nobles are, you will treat him with the respect he deserves, or the three of us will leave right now.”

Merlin is taken aback at that. I suppose because it’s only ever been the three of them, and Leon, he’s never really seen Morgana angry. Sure, he’s listened to her rant about the unjustness of Uther’s laws, but never anything like this. The display of somewhat aggressive protectiveness from her definitely makes him tear up a little.

Uther’s face turns red at her demand, and he looks about ready to kick off again, but Arthur steps forward, in line with Morgana (once again, leaving Merlin protected behind them):

“As she said father. Merlin is my soulmate, whether you like it or not. I will not leave him, we will not be separated, and that will never change. If you can not speak to him respectfully, then you won’t speak to either of us at all.”

Merlin takes Arthur’s shoulder and pushes himself forward again before saying quietly:

“Arthur, no, he’s your father. I don’t mind, it’s fine, maybe I should go?”

Arthur doesn’t look at him, but takes his hand wordlessly, gripping it tight as he glares at Uther (who looks slightly taken aback at the offer).

Morgana once again takes Merlin’s other hand and says:

“No. We’re resolving this now, and The King is just going to have to come to terms with the fact that someone’s status does not define their worth.” She looks pointedly at Uther at that, and the older man sighs, rubbing his eyes slightly, before gesturing to the council table:

“Fine. Arthur, Morgana, Merlin, take a seat, and we shall discuss how we plan to move forward.”

~

END OF PART 1

Part 2 is up! Part 3 is up!

Let me know what y’all think :)

[teamhook]

Finding Hope :: A CS August Rush AU birthday fic

Hellol! Okay, before I go on. I swear this will be the last WIP I start. I had to. This story is for my favorite dork @hookedonapirate cause I love her to death. She had asked me to write it before but at the time I was writing the Forever My Girl CS AU.

Happy Birthday!! Hope you like your present.

Thanks to my beta @ultraluckycatnd she is the best!!

FFN

AO3

A love for music unites an unlikely pair. The rhapsody they unknowingly created will give life to the hope they still have in their hearts.

Killian Jones and his older brother Liam had arrived from London with nothing more than the clothes on their back to pursue a music career. The lives of the Jones brothers had been difficult since the beginning. Their mother died at a young age and their father had decided he was not made to be a family man.

The Jones brothers had formed The Outlaws with some fellow expatriates they met along the way. The venues they played weren't the best, but they managed to make a name for themselves enough to have steady gigs.

Emma Nolan had grown up with loving parents but after an unfortunate accident, she was left alone. Afterwards, her grandfather took her in. George Spencer was an ill-tempered man. He wasn't a doting person, which caused Emma to become closed off. She focused on solace in the cello. Thankfully, the man valued pomp and grandeur so, at the thought of his granddaughter attending Juilliard, he eagerly made it possible.

On a rare night out with her best friend Elsa, they decide to go to listen to a little-known rock band called The Outlaws they saw fliers for. It was love at first sight. The lead singer mesmerized the young cellist with his voice. The girls waited for the band to finish their set to introduce themselves to them. Elsa and Emma fit in with the band perfectly. The Jones brothers had quickly gravitated towards the blonde beauties.

Emma and Killian had slowly drifted away from the group. It ended up being the most magical night for the young lovers above New York's Washington Square.

Months later, Emma finds out she is pregnant. Somehow, she already loves her kid so much. Her grandfather makes his displeasure known, however, every moment of her pregnancy.

The day her life changed was gloomy and rainy. After an argument with George, Emma had gone to the store to buy some last-minute things for her baby. The drunk driver came out of nowhere. When she gives birth prematurely, her grandfather takes advantage while she is unconscious and gives the baby girl up for adoption. The moment Emma wakes up, she is told the news that her baby is dead. The news shatters her musical dreams and any hope of happiness.

You're not special. You're just like the rest of us... alone, nothing but an orphan.

The music... Can you hear it? Listen... I can hear it everywhere.

It's in the wind ...

in the light...

It's all around us.

All you have to do is open your heart and listen.

Sometimes the world tries to knock the hope out of you.

They tried to stop me from hearing the music...

I believe in music the way others believe in fairy tales. When I'm alone it builds inside me eager to erupt into a melody. I like to believe that what I hear came from my parents. That the music I hear is the same one they heard the night they met...

Maybe that's how they found each other and that's how they'll know I am theirs and find me...

Hope Swan had grown up in foster care. As a baby, she had been adopted but returned once the couple was blessed with their own flesh and blood. After that, she bounced from foster home to foster home.

In her shared room at the group home, she's currently at, Hope records herself humming a song that keeps playing in her mind, but is rudely interrupted by her roommate who mocks her. "You are not special. You're just like us, an unwanted orphan."

The girl walks away, slamming the door.

Hope's eyes water at the mean girl's words. She knows it in her heart that she is wanted and someday she will find her parents. She continues recording her humming of the song in her heart.

Hope is now eleven years old. She stands in the back of the group as one of the younger girls is adopted by a couple. Maybe she should be bitter and want to be adopted but if she was, she would never find her parents. They're out there and she will find them.

Hope runs away once more from her group home. Living on the streets she makes friends easily, but is still guarded. She knows that someday her parents will come looking for her. All she wants is to go home.

As she wanders the streets, runaway Hope Swan is getting closer to find her home. She knows she will find her family. All she has to do is listen to the music in her heart and follow it.

A kind man, Merlin, is assigned Hope Swan's case. She wasn't a trouble maker, but she was reportedly closed off with the couples. He is notified that she has run away. She has a history of running away. The picture of the young girl saddens him. He wishes he can find her and place her in a good home. She is a pretty girl, with blonde hair, vibrant sea-blue eyes, dimples, and a slightly dimpled chin. He posts her picture on the board.

Emma Nolan had moved away after losing her daughter. Her little girl, her grandfather told her the baby was a tiny girl. The heartbreak led her to become a music teacher to kids. She was always surrounded by children and music. That was the way she chose to honor her child. An unexpected call from her grandfather's doctor makes her break a promise she had made to herself years ago. He is the only family she has left.

Once she arrives at his house, she is summoned to his death bed.

His eyes tear up. "I thought you wouldn't come."

"I don't hate you Grandpa, but my heart hasn't healed. Time will never heal this wound," she sniffled.

He closes his watery eyes. "I think I can help with that."

Emma gets closer to his bed, confused. "How can you say that? My child is gone! You didn't want her, so you threw her away while I slept. You took that away from me. I couldn't hold her!"

"Emma, enough!" he screams, then immediately starts coughing from the effort.

"I'm sorry, I made a mistake. I know now that family is precious, that image doesn't matter. Emma, I have a confession. I hope it's not too late and that you will find it in your heart to forgive me."

Emma stares at him.

"She's alive. Your little girl is alive."

"What? How can you be so cruel and say that to me!" Emma says with disbelief and tears pooled in her eyes.

"Because it's the truth. She is alive. I gave her up for adoption, and I was the one who signed the papers. I was your next of kin since you weren't married."

Emma gapes at the old man as she let her limp body drop to the chair next to his bed. "You gave my daughter away as if she was property because I embarrassed you?"

George Spencer can't keep his eyes on his granddaughter. The once-proud man weakened by age and disease casts his eyes down in shame. "In my safe, you will find the documents."

"What good will that do me?" Emma asks.

"Emma, my attorney can help you find her," he says quietly.

"But-"

"Emma, if your parents were here, they would tell you that you should never lose hope," he says.

Emma stands up. "You're right, I'm going to find my daughter."

George sighs as he falls into a deep sleep, his machines flatlining. The nurse that had given them privacy to talk rushes in as soon as the machine goes off.

Emma finds the papers and with trembling hands, calls Mr. Gold, the attorney.

The man is a ruthless slimy bastard. He tries to convince Emma that her kid is better off where she is. Of course, he would say that seeing he had helped her grandfather do this to her; he was just covering his ass. She doesn't care about that. All she wants is to get her kid. She has a daughter and she is out there. She hopes to God that she is being taken care of.

Killian Jones had moved to California not long after The Outlaws broke up. He had given up his dream of singing, but somehow had managed to gain a thriving career as an agent.

He had also distanced himself from the memory of Emma. After the band broke up, his brother and former bandmates had moved to Boston. Killian thought the further away he could get would be better, though. He tried forgetting her, but he knew he could never forget her. It was only one night, but he would belong to her for the rest of time.

Liam had called him a few days prior to ask if he wanted to join them in a reunion of sorts. They were going to play at the little place where he had met Emma. The joint was going out of business so in an effort to raise money to save it, The Outlaws had agreed to come out of retirement for one night only.

Killian had yet to agree, but 'what if' rattled in his brain. Something inside him tugged at his heart. A man unwilling to fight for what he wants gets what he deserves, Liam had told him over and over. He decides he will do it. He will fly to New York and look for Emma. He prays to every deity he can that she is not married. It's a selfish thought, but he couldn't bear it if she isn't meant for him.

Killian picks up the phone and dials his brother's number. "Liam, I'll be there."

"Brother, you'll do it? What happened to never setting foot in New York?" Liam asks.

"Liam, are you going to question my decision? I thought you would be happy," Killian says through gritted teeth.

"I am, I am. I'm just surprised. Killian, this doesn't have anything to do with her, does it?"

"Brother," Killian sighs, "Even if it was, I don't have a way to contact her." Sure he was lying, but his brother didn't have to know all his reasons.

"We are driving out there," Liam says.

"I'll fly. I will text you the details once I've made arrangements," Killian says.

"Alright, see you then," Liam adds. "Brother, it's going to be good seeing you after so long. I miss you."

Killian sighs. "I miss you too."

The line disconnects. Alright Emma Nolan, what have you been up to? he thinks as he enters her name in the browser's search engine. He had thought of looking for her before, but he had never found any sign of her online. He knows her family has money but somehow she has managed to stay hidden. The only information that would come up was of her grandfather's business deals. His heart tells him that this time, though, things would be different.

Sure enough, he finds one headline: "George Spencer dies at home after a long battle with heart disease."

Killian reads the headline carefully and his heart sparks with hope to see Emma again. The newspaper lists her as the sole survivor of her grandfather's Estate. That means she would have to be at his home. He winces at the thought. He knows that his method to approach her while grieving will be considered to be in bad form, but if it is the only chance he has, he has to make the best of the situation. He takes a deep breath and alters his flight plans so he can arrive a couple of days earlier.

Mr. Gold had changed his tune when Emma didn't fall for his manipulations and offered his services. Emma reluctantly accepted his help. He told her to give him a couple of hours and at that time, he would have information to make her search easier. He quickly found out that her daughter had ended up in foster care. He gave her the name of the caseworker assigned to Hope Swan. That was her baby's name. Emma tries to ignore the fact that her daughter is in the care of the state. She wonders what she looks like? Does she take after her or him? Killian Jones, he had never left her thoughts, but before it was painful to think of him because inevitably her thoughts would end on her daughter. Emma smiles, realizing how fitting the name Hope was for their daughter. Emma thanks Mr. Gold and goes to see Merlin Wilde.

Emma arrives at the CPS office. Her nerves are getting the best of her. She approaches the information desk. "Excuse me, I'm looking for Mr. Wilde?"

The woman looks bored. "Do you have an appointment?"

Emma shakes her head. "No, I'm sorry. I must speak to him, though."

The woman rolls her eyes. "Fill out the sign-in sheet. I will see if he can fit you in today." She gets up and heads to a door behind her desk.

Emma is about to sit down when something catches her eye. Pictures of missing kids. Runaways. She gravitates to the board. Her heart is beating so fast as her eyes land on a name, Hope Swan. Emma smiles as she stares at blue eyes that reminded her of the pair that stole her heart all those years back. The sound of someone clearing their throat startles her.

"I'm sorry for startling you, Miss Nolan. I'm Merlin Wilde." He smiles at her as he looks over her sign-in sheet and signals for her to follow him.

"Oh, no it's okay. Yes, I wanted to speak to you in private. My situation is not a common story," Emma says as she follows him to his office.

They enter his office and he kindly motions for her to take a seat.

Emma looks around the office. She tries to get a feel for the man. He seems kind, but looks can be deceiving.

"Miss Nolan, how may I help you? Is there a child in a situation you are concerned about?"

Emma nods. "Mr. Wilde, yes, in fact, that is the reason why I'm here."

"Alright," he starts taking notes. "May I have the child's name?"

"Hope Swan," Emma says. "I'm her mother."

Merlin looks up from his computer. "I'm sorry," he says as he types rapidly on his computer keyboard, before looking up quizzically. "Her case says she is in the care of Mrs. Emerald."

"I'm afraid you misunderstood me. I'm Hope's biological mother." She takes a deep breath. "I was young and unmarried when I got pregnant with her, and my grandfather didn't think having a child was appropriate." Her eyes begin to sting because of the tears. "He took it upon himself to decide that giving my daughter away while I was unconscious because of an accident was the appropriate decision to make. Until recently, I thought Hope was dead. I'm here because I need your help getting my daughter back. I understand she is in foster care, so it shouldn't be a big deal, right?"

Merlin keeps his eyes on her and laughs. "She is a good kid, the people that had fostered her before never had a complaint about her. She loves music and she always hummed a melody to herself. She was just not open to letting them in. It's like she knew she didn't belong there. I'm afraid that has caused her to run away on several occasions. I was just informed she ran away from the last home."

Emma's eyes tear up. "I loved my daughter from the moment I knew she was there. I used to play a song on the cello for her that her father sang the night we met. Until the day I thought I had lost her, I played the same song. I need to find her."

"And we will, Miss Nolan. I have put up fliers all over the city."

Emma nods. "I will look for her myself. I plan on hiring a private investigator. Could I have a picture of her?"

"Of course, Miss Nolan. I will do all in my power to help get your daughter back. I'm going to go looking for her at Washington Square Park. That is a hot spot for runaways. If you would like to join me? We might get lucky," he says as he hands her the picture of Hope from her file.

Emma smiles. "Sure, I will. Thank you for asking."

Hope is sitting on a bench at Washington Square Park and then she hears some music playing. Instantly, she is drawn to it. A boy around her age is playing the guitar. She smiles wide and sits down to enjoy the show. People surround the boy as he plays and they drop change on a baseball cap on the floor. Once he finishes playing, the boy picks up his cap and puts the money in his pocket. He grabs his guitar and thanks the crowd before leaving.

Curious, Hope follows him to an abandoned theatre.

Killian arrives on the first flight of the day. He rents a car and makes his way to the Nolan Estate. He is a nervous wreck. What will Emma think of him showing up unannounced? He hopes she will be happy to see him.

The boy Hope was following introduces himself as Henry. She likes him. He is nice and he promptly explains that all the runaway children live there. They had been taken in by Walsh Oz, the "Wizard". The man provides a roof over their head and food.

"Don't worry, Hope. He will teach you how to perform in street corners to pay for your part. If you're lucky and any good, he will let you use one of the park's spots," Henry says. "When he gets home with food, I will introduce you."

Hope thinks to herself it couldn't be that bad. This way, she won't be picked on for playing music.

Henry smiles fondly at Hope. "So why did you run away?"

Hope smiles back. "I'm going to find my parents. How about you?"

"My adoptive mom didn't love me." He shrugs. "Hope, I know you will find them."

Hope beams. "Thank you, but how can you believe so?"

Henry smiles. "I have a feeling that you will find them and then you will have your happy ending."

The Wizard hadn't always lived in condemned buildings. He once had been a success in his art but lost it due to some scandal years ago, but he could still spot talent. The young girl Henry had brought to him had loads of talent. She had played a song that most of the other kids couldn't play. The girl was magical. She appeared to be a musical genius with savant-like abilities and perfect pitch. He knows he could make a good living off of that girl. He smiles wickedly as the girl plays with his prized guitar, Roxanne. "Well, looks like we found our top earner thanks to Henry," The Wizard says to the group. He pulls Hope to the side. "Alright, you are going to be in my old spot at the park and you will be using Roxanne." He scrutinizes her. "Now what should we call you?"

"My name is Hope," she says.

He walks back and forth contemplating and shaking his head. "I know, I shall call you Odette."

Emma and Merlin arrive at the park. They split up in the hope to cover more ground.

Merlin posts missing posters of Hope on every corner he can; he even hands some to the people walking by.

Emma is walking around the corner when something catches her eye. They have some posters for an upcoming event displaying some talent from Julliard. She smiles wistfully, she misses her music. She takes out her phone to call an old friend. Elsa had ended up at their old school as a teacher.

Somehow her connection is stronger now. She has a sudden need to play. She feels it will help her connect with her daughter.

Tag list:

@rumdrum91 @itsfabianadocarmo @xsajx @hookedonapirate @kmomof4 @searchingwardrobes @seriouslyhooked @profdanglaisstuff @let-it-raines @revanmeetra87 @snowbellewells @hollyethecurious @kymbersmith-90 @branlovestowrite @thejollyroger-writer @shireness-says @ilovemesomekillianjones @thisonesatellite @thesschesthair @winterbythesea @stahlop @resident-of-storybrooke @superchocovian @lfh1226-linda @artistic-writer @thislassishooked @shardminds @winterbaby89 @xhookswenchx @ultraluckycatnd @gingerchangeling @laschatzi @wellhellotragic @xemmaloveskillianx @courtorderedcake @pirateherokillian @optomisticgirl @darkcolinodonorgasm @sherlockianwhovian @andiirivera  @djlbg @nikkiemms @jennjenn615  @scientificapricot @officerrogers @imlaxdris71 @therealstartraveller776 @kday426 @allons-y-to-hogwarts-713  @donteattheappleshook @reggieshamster @lassluna @carpedzem @captainodonoghue @killian-will-do @jarienn972 @tehgreeneyes  @demisexualemmaswan @queen-serena88 @swanslieutenant @tiganasummertree @whimsicallyenchantedrose @bethacaciakay @ohmakemeahercules @jrob64 @klynn-stormz @mariakov81 @sals86 @elizabeethan @brooke-to-broch​ @hookedonhiddles​ @onceratheart18​ @the-darkdragonfly​ @veryverynotgoodwrites​ @jonesfandomfanatic​ @wefoundloveunderthelight​

[wanderingthroughwonder]

Miranda’s Fic Recs

I’ve been wanting to do this for a while because I just have a lot of fics in different fandoms that I truly enjoy. These are mostly long fics because that’s what I read the most. Fandoms included: Teen Wolf, Harry Potter, MCU, Star Trek, Kingsman, and Avatar: The Last Airbender. Find them below! (Some fanfic spoilers ahead)

So I’m starting with completed fics and then I have a few not completed fics at the end that I’m just really liking.

Embers by Vathara

Rating: Not Rated, Word Count: 704,200 Fandom: A:TLA

Dragon’s fire is not so easily extinguished; when Zuko rediscovers a lost firebending technique, shifting flames can shift the world....

This is an Avatar: The Last Airbender rewrite. It’s Zuko centric and it splits off while Zuko and Uncle Iroh are on the run and Zuko learns of healing firebending. The world building is so good and interesting and the whole fic does a great job of reimagining the A:TLA world. You meet a lot of new characters that are super well written and fit the world nicely.

The Debt of Time by ShayaLonnie

Rating: E, Word Count: 715,940, Fandom: Harry Potter, Ship: Hermione/Sirius

When Hermione finds a way to bring Sirius back from the veil, her actions change the rest of the war. Little does she know her spell restoring him to life provokes magic she doesn’t understand and sets her on a path that ends with a Time-Turner.

This fic is so good and I’ve reread it before. I love Hermione centric fics and this is definitely one. When she goes back in time she goes through school again with the Marauders and it’s so good you guys. I think the fic does such a good job of showing her grow with these new people. The relationships in this fic are so intense and I love them.

Hook, Yarn, Sinker by pprfaith

Rating: Not Rated, Word Count: 65,675, Fandom: Teen Wolf, Ship: Stiles/Peter

Stiles is happy with his store, his hobbies, his friends. Peter’s just trying to figure out how to raise his nieces and nephews without fucking them up too badly.

Paths cross.

This is the first in a series of fics. It’s a Human AU with aged up Stiles and friends but with little kids Derek, Laura, and Cora. This fic is a good time and sweet and honestly low stakes which is so nice to have these days. I think a lot of Steter fics are more intense and I enjoy them but this is such a nice change of pace where you really get to know the characters in these fairly different circumstances. The whole series word count is 161,859.

A Sequence That You Never Learned by AnnaTaylor

Rating: E, Word Count: 64,624, Fandom: Star Trek: AOS, Ship: James T. Kirk/Spock 

“Spock,” Jim breathes out, completely overwhelmed by the gesture—not quite believing that Spock knows him so well, that he’s already started researching, that he trusts Jim with a member of his own endangered species.

When Jim gets it in his head to adopt an eight-year-old Vulcan, Spock presents a logical solution to the issue of Jim’s of humanity: marriage to a Vulcan citizen.

This was one of my first Spirk fics and I honestly love kid fics. Vulcan kids are so different from Jim, but I love the idea that Vulcans still love him anyway. This is such a great Fake Marriage fic.

If You Want to Sing Out, Sing Out by mia6363

Rating: E, Word Count: 13,232, Fandom: Teen Wolf, Ship: Stiles centric but technically Stiles/Peter 

Commander Stilinski looks like he fell out of a propaganda video, his armor still smoking as he pulled off his helmet and handed it off to First Officer Argent. He had a few bruises down his neck but his smile was bright.

“Glad to see you safe and sound, Mr. Hale. I’d hate for Derek to lose a member of his family.”

“I told you,” Derek snapped at his superior, “he’s not worth this, Commander.”

This is the shortest fic on my list but I love this take. It’s got a Star Trek vibe and I LOVE how everyone is made into these different aliens. Stiles being human here is so interesting and it reminds me of those “humans are the craziest of the aliens” posts. It’s got multiple POVs and I think they’re written really well and do a great job of coming together.

Where Thou Art, That is Home by ShanaStoryteller 

Rating: Various, Word Count: 94,108, Fandom: Teen Wolf, Ship: Stiles/Derek 

Stiles is 10 when he saves the Hales from their burning home and Derek from a wolfsbane bullet, and this establishes a pattern that seems to continue indefinitely.

“Then he’s facing a burning home, and he wraps the hood of his sweatshirt around his mouth before he pushes the door open and steps inside. There’s Mr. Hale asleep - he hope asleep - on the couch, next to - Stiles thinks that’s his brother but there are so many Hales, who can keep track. He rushes over and starts shaking him, can see the rise and fall of the man’s chest so he knows he’s alive, but he’s not waking up. He shoves away his hood so he can shout, “Mr. Hale! You have to get up, there’s a fire! Mr. Hale, get up!” Nothing, he’s not even twitching, both of them taking in deep even breathes like they’re having the most peaceful of rest, and Stiles is going to cry. “Wake up, wake up, wake up!”

There’s a moment where all Stiles can here is the blood rushing in his ears and not the roar of the flames or the creak of wood, then with a violent, silent pop it’s all back and both men are gasping awake, eyes open and jumping to their feet.”

This is another series! It creates a Hales Survive AU and it’s got BAMF!Stiles. The Hales in this fic are so interesting and it’s an expanded family from what we see in canon. Magic!Stiles is written so well in this fic and things get intense but it’s so good.

Counterpart by sara_holmes

Rating: M, Word Count: 217,400, Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Ship: Steve/Tony 

coun•ter•part [koun-ter-pahrt] [noun] 1. a person or thing closely resembling another, especially in function. 2. a copy; duplicate. 3. one of two parts that fit, complete, or complement one another. 

Just because Hydra used the DNA of a Captain America from another dimension to create a lab-grown, six-year-old super-soldier, it doesn't mean that said six-year old super-soldier is biologically Steve's, right? 

(Where Steve wants to ban Clint from bringing things home from alternative dimensions, until he doesn't.)

This is an amazing kid fic. Things are so messed up because of how the kids was raised up to the point they find him.I love Tony so much in this fic but also you sympathize a bit with Steve. The kid whose name I will leave out is my absolute favorite. This is also a series!

Fallout by Whisper91 kingsman

Rating: E, Word Count: 164,971, Fandom: Kingsman, Ship: Eggsy/Harry/Merlin 

As far as the rest of the world is concerned, Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin is a registered Dominant. It's on his driver's licence. It's on his National Insurance card. Hell, it's even on his bloomin' GCSE certificates. And the fact that it's all a load of bollocks is a secret Eggsy had intended to take to his grave. 

Course, he hadn't been expectin' a bloody sub-drop to sweep in and knock him on his arse in the wake of the Valentine Massacre. Turns out grief and adrenaline ain't a good combination.

I really enjoy the dynamics between the three of them. D/s fics are always so amazingly well built and I love fics like this where they’re hiding their dynamic. I think this fic does a great job of going further with the D/S world and giving it more biologically. I just reread this fic recently because I love how it’s done. 

It’s Insanity But... by rosepetals42

Rating: M, Word Count: 71,477, Fandom: Teen Wolf, Ship: Stiles/Derek 

The doorbell interrupts what had turned out to be quite the epic shoe hunt but, really, he’s grateful for the break. Or at least, he is until he heads down the stairs to grab the door, trips over a stuffed animal of some kind, bashes his head on the wall and barely manages to catch himself from falling down the entire flight of stairs. As with all things, Stiles would like to state, for the record, that this is Scott’s fault. 

Or: Scott and Stiles are raising seven children. Derek is the entertainer they hire for a birthday party (not a clown though, he’s very specific on that fact.)

This fic is such a good time! I love two bro’s raising kids together. It’s a hilarious setup and also just so good for the Stiles and Scott dynamic. Each chapter is like a slice of life. Some chapters are more about the kids and some are about Stiles and Derek. It’s just a fun fic and I love that it’s still got werewolves because I think a lot of fics that focus more on regular stuff go full on human AU. Keeping werewolves is much more fun and it’s so well handled here!

So Wise We Grow by Deastar 

Rating: M, Word Count: 81,248, Fandom: Star Trek, Ship: James T. Kirk/Spock 

”Commander Spock, we have located your son,” the Vulcan lady on the screen says, which would be great, except Jim can tell by the look on Spock’s face that he’s never heard of this kid before in his life. “If it is expedient, the child will be sent to join you on the Enterprise within the week.”

This fic is two long chapters. Again, I love kid fic and this one does such a great job. We’ve got pining and hurt/comfort and all kinds of good feels here. There’s one line about t’hy’la that is just *chefs kiss* so good and hits you hard.

Play It Again by metisket 

Rating: T, Word Count: 63,206, Fandom: Teen Wolf, Ship: Stiles/Derek 

In which Stiles goes along with one of Derek’s plans and ends up in an alternate universe as a result. He should’ve known better. He did know better, actually, and that means he has no one to blame but himself. “Laura wants to lure the kid in with food and kindness and make a pet of him, like a feral cat. Derek wants to have him arrested for stalking. They’re at an impasse. (And the rest of the family is staying emphatically out of it in a way that suggest bets have been placed.)”

This is fairly Stiles centric. It really looks into the emotions of jumping universes. The alive Hale family is so good and it’s magic!Stiles which is always interesting. What I think makes it extra good is that in a lot of universe jump or time travel fics it’s more about adjusting to how things will be now. But this fic does that while also having the new universe with its own problems. It’s just fun to see Stiles deal with all these things.

Happy Lights by LadyShadowDrake

Rating: E, Word Count: 108,237, Fandom: MCU, Ship: Mixed 

An interdimensional portal opens over New York and drops a tentacled alien in the middle of Central Park. The Avengers are called out to investigate, and hopefully return the visitor home. Steve has been brushing up on his diplomacy, but he never expected to be a liaison to an alien in such an intimate capacity, or that the alien would be so friendly, and the unusual visit turns into the world's best team-building exercise.

This is a series that is so much fun. The alien (aka the colony) is so interesting and sweet in the long run. I love seeing the team grow and as you go through the series you really get to see more of them coming together. This is just a playful fic that you can have a good time reading.

Magpie by waldorph

Rating: E, Word Count: 57,648, Fandom: Star Trek: AOS, Ship: James T. Kirk/Spock

Spock met Jim when he was 7 and Jim was 6. It has since been generally agreed that this was a mistake (or: the one where they grew up together and things are simultaneously better and worse for it).

This is such a deep dive of both Spock and Jim. It’s them growing up together and it splits off some as far as events that happen in canon. It ends before they become Starfleet. I think this fic creates such an interesting bond between Spock and Jim. I also really love where it goes as far as Spock not having grown up alone on Vulcan.

These are the unfinished fics. The first two are in progress and the last one seems to be abandoned.

Survival is a Talent by ShanaStoryteller 

Rating: T, Word Count: 353,015, Fandom: Harry Potter, Ship: Harry/Draco 

In the middle of their second year, Draco and Harry discover they're soulmates and do their best to keep it a secret from everyone. 

Their best isn't perfect. 

~ 

“Are you trying to get killed, Potter?” Malfoy drawls, stalking forward. Quick as a serpent himself, he reaches out and grabs the snake just below the head. It thrashes in his grip, but is no longer able to bite anyone. “This is a poisonous snake, and I doubt anyone brought a bezoar with them.” 

Harry glares. He opens his mouth, and feels the beginning the snake’s language pass his lips, and this isn’t what he wants, what’s the point of insulting Malfoy if he can’t understand him – 

Malfoy’s eyes widen. He slaps his hand over Harry’s mouth, “Potter, what the hell–”

This fic is in progress updated within 2020. It’s a rewrite of the Harry Potter series where Harry and Draco are soulmates. As you can imagine, that changes some things. I love this so much, I’ve read it like 3 or 4 times now. The characterization is amazing and I love the differences we see. Harry is Indian in this fic and the way it ties in is so good. You really get to see the difference in culture as well between muggleborns and blood traitor families and the purebloods.   

You great unfinished symphony (you sent for me) by ketchupcrisp

Rating: E, Word Count: 227,792, Fandom: MCU, Ship: Steve/Tony and also the whole Team 

The last thing Steve Rogers ever expected to see on a Wednesday afternoon was his (their) dead submissive tumbling out of a portal and practically into Phil’s lap, very much alive and frantic about Soul Stones and timelines and some other version of the team.

This is an AU but like literally. Tony comes from the universe we know into a D/S universe. The worldbuilding here - again like I think a lot of D/s fics excel at - is so good. It starts with everything a mess and things are intense. There’s multiple POVs which I think is really helpful in a fic like this where the relationships are so tangled. 

Born From the Earth by venusm 

Rating: E, Word Count: 277,602, Fandom: MCU, Ship: Tony Centric, Steve/Tony 

Tony Stark's born an omega in a world where that means he's supposed to follow certain social rules. He becomes Iron Man anyway: Fuck biology.

If only his biology (and the world) would quit fucking him back.

To start off, some warnings: this fic gets a bit messed up. It’s an Omega verse in the worst possible way at certain points. It’s not a fluffy fic. It also doesn’t get that far into the Stony stuff because it’s unfinished. Honestly I’m worried this writer has died and I’ve gone through the comments and looked for them online to see if they’re out there and just not writing but I haven’t found any proof of that. BUT ANYWAYS. This fic is intense but it’s such an interesting take on Omega fics. It gets pretty dark but that darkness is pre-Steve and I’m hopeful that one day it might get finished so I can see where it was going to go. 

[hayleysstark]

Hey! So u live posting about the last dragonlord have me so many feels that I’m gonna go watch the entire series for the 5th time. But can I request that you DO UNPACK THAT DRAGON SCENE P L E A S E.

May I just say, I am SO glad I have dragged someone else back down into Merlin hell with me. my liveblogs are finally good for something. I knew I’d be useful one day. join me in the void. the merciless pit. the ruthless, chaotic black hole. join me. fall with me into the abyss, my friend.

You have NO IDEA though just how much this moment makes me LOSE my SHIT though, like, LISTEN, there is SO MUCH to unpack, there is just--there is just so much to unpack, honest to God, I wasn’t even like making a joke when I said that in my liveblog, I just literally didn’t have the time/patience to sit down and pick it apart yesterday. I was tired, I was ready to just end the episode, so I didn’t bother, but now YOU have given me an opportunity to pick it apart NOW when I DO have the time and patience, and you are BLESSED, forever, and it is a DAMN good thing I was too tired to delete all the screenshots I took last night before I fell asleep, huh?

From the start, there is just such an enormous and powerful sense of history. Of past colliding with present, of a hundred, a thousand, a million centuries piling up behind this moment like an avalanche, and you can feel it, you can feel the weight, the burden, of all that history, that Merlin carries with him in this moment, as Balinor’s voice floods over the scene. 

Merlin is the last dragonlord. Kilgharrah is the last dragon. There is never going to be another like Merlin. There is never going to be another like Kilgharrah.

And Merlin knows it.

And I’m sorry, but it’s--it’s really something to think about, isn’t it, that Merlin still contemplates killing the dragon? The death of the last dragon is going to tip the scales. It will imbalance the whole world. The earth itself could very well roll off its axis if Merlin goes through with this, and Merlin himself must know this. And he is so close to doing it anyway.

I don’t think that’s too important on its own - Merlin considers killing the dragon who’s attacked the kingdom, and murdered innocent people, why wouldn’t he at least consider it?? A lesser man would do a hell of a lot more than consider it, and damn the consequences - except that, Merlin is absolutely boiling with hatred in this moment. 

Don’t misunderstand me - he’s furious with Kilgharrah right from the opening of the episode, and of course he is. That’s justified. That is so completely justified. But this is different. This is deeper. This is personal. This is not about Camelot any longer. This is not about innocent people anymore. This is not about any of that.

Because Merlin is still mourning Balinor.

And in the darkest depths of his grief, in the deepest parts of his sorrow, I think Merlin may have latched onto Kilgharrah as a source of blame. 

Because Kilgharrah is to blame, in part, for what happened, isn’t he? Even if he played an unintentional role, he still played a role nonetheless. He led, however indirectly, to Balinor’s death, and Merlin’s carried that grudge all the way out here, to this field. Merlin’s carrying a heavy history, but also a heavy grudge, and it’s so impactful to us, the audience, as we wonder whether he will have the strength to do with all of this what he must.

Everyone attaches a lot of significance to this scene as the foundation of Merlin and Kilgharrah’s newer, stronger relationship in S3 - right from the first episode in S3, we see Kilgharrah trusts, respects, and cares for Merlin far more than he ever did in the first two seasons, and maybe that is just the unshakable, inexplicable bond between a dragon and his dragonlord, but it could just as well be that Merlin proved his mettle here, showed what he was made of, and impressed the oldest magical creature in existence in the bargain. But it’s a significant moment for me because Merlin does not strike the killing blow.

Merlin doesn’t forgive Kilgharrah.

Merlin doesn’t forgive Kilgharrah.

But Merlin sees that he is wrong to assign blame to Kilgharrah. Merlin doesn’t forgive Kilgharrah. But Merlin doesn’t exact vengeance on Kilgharrah, either. 

And Kilgharrah - because oh, yes, there’s a lot to unpack with Kilgharrah, too, and I think the part that sticks out to me the most is honestly this line right here:

It’s one of my favorite quotes from the series, and I’m not shy about saying that, because, oh my god, put it in context for a second, and this line hits hard.

Because Kilgharrah? 

Kilgharrah is praising Merlin. 

And Kilgharrah is praising Merlin for his mercy. For his kindness. For his clemency. For how quick he is to cast aside a grudge he could easily carry to his grave, how quick he is to throw off the heavy hatred trying to make its home in him, and that--

Well, that’s really important. Crazy important, even. Because Kilgharrah? 

Kilgharrah doesn’t think too much of mercy, does he? Kindness. Clemency. Words like those have no place on a dragon’s tongue, in a dragon’s heart. Dragons are among the most powerfully magical creatures to ever walk this earth, invulnerable, invincible, virtually unkillable. It must be a rare thing, then, for a dragon to find himself at the mercy of somebody else, let alone a human. And Kilgharrah is. 

And Kilgharrah has never once shown Merlin mercy. 

Kilgharrah has manipulated Merlin, pushed Merlin, pulled his strings and forced his hand, in a million different and painful ways, because Merlin does not matter, Merlin can be hurt, and it doesn’t matter, Merlin can carry destiny on his shoulders until the weight of it crushes him, and it doesn’t matter, not to Kilgharrah, because even now, Kilgharrah does not care for Merlin, Kilgharrah does not care for anyone, and Merlin sees that, Merlin knows him, knows his heart, knows just how cruel and callous and cold he can be, and Merlin, who has every reason, every right, to drive that spear through Kilgharrah’s heart, and enjoy every last second of it, Merlin spares him anyway.

Kilgharrah feels no love for Merlin.

But Kilgharrah sees, finally, for the first time, that Merlin’s heart, Merlin’s compassion, Merlin’s love for all living things, is not a bad thing. It is not a weakness, a failing, a flaw. It has saved his life.

Kilgharrah looks at Merlin now with respect. 

Kilgharrah looks at Merlin as an equal.

Because Merlin didn’t act as Kilgharrah would have. Merlin didn’t do what Kilgharrah would have said was right.

Merlin did what he thought was right. 

And it’s only then that he earns Kilgharrah’s respect.

[thegeminisage]

alright im about to watch 5.03 of merlin for the 2nd time ever

because if i dont do it now i may NEVER GET ANOTHER CHANCE

but first i wanna get out of the way that i thought merlin convincing arthur to keep the ban on magic in 5.05 because he was trying to thwart ~*~destiny~*~ or whatever is the laziest writing ever, it’s unsatisfying for the audience, it renders the rest of the last season utterly pointless, it’s unfair to merlin and arthur, and the tonal shift of the show from farting trolls in season 2 to full greek tragedy in season 5 was completely unwarranted and i feel TRICKED as a human person because i expected the end to be bittersweet and make me sad, not table-flipping angry, and i do not at all have high hopes for the finale

but i can ignore something having a “bad last five minutes” i did it for life is strange and final fantasy 13-2 i will do it for merlin but honestly 

speaking on 5.03, after it was over the first time i was like “i can never write my fanfic now because nothing i ever do will be as good as that” but i’m really relieved in that way that that was apparently the last good episode of merlin because now i can continue my work in peace and maybe hopefully even actually finish it

okay commence the liveblog:

love that arthur and merlin are down to just jump off their horses whenever random women start screaming in the distance. season 5 could have been so good, they’re so much more grown up and in sync with one another, i absolutely LOVE their #vibe

it was interesting to me also that arthur DEMANDED a fair trial for this woman despite her being accused of sorcery. god, he was SO CLOSE?? that hatred of magic just can’t really take root in him especially with uther gone...arthur may be an asshole in the early seasons, and he may be quick to anger and quick to lash out in that anger, but it’s just not in him to be cruel, especially needlessly

EVEN THIS LADY IS LIKE “u showed kindness and compassion” arthur is a Good Boy deep down he is he IS he didn’t care a bit about that horn she gave him but still politely said it was beautiful

although lmao the way his face changed when she said it was magic...that’s the STUFF

lowkey losing it at athony head in the credits. i was looking to see if he’d be in the s5 ones since he’s dead and didn’t see him in 5.01 or 5.02 so when i DID see him in 5.03 i was like haha no way did they pay to put him in here i guess i just missed him the first couple of times BUT I WAS WRONG

like, in buffy, they spend an entire episode trying to decide whether or not to necromance their mom or whatever and she doesnt actually APPEAR IN THE EP they never SEE her i thought this would be an episode ABOUT uther i didn’t think uther would be IN it

love that from the get-go arthur’s face screams “i am thinking about making a terrible mistake” and merlin’s face is like “he is thinking about making a terrible mistake”

i’m quite proud of merlin in s5 actually. bad writing aside he uses multiple braincells many times per episode. it’s a vast improvement. same energy as clary from shadowhunters right down to getting shafted in his final season

ive said it before and ill say it again gwen looks SOOO GOOOOD as queen

if this is the anniversary of uther’s death then (if you go by 1 season = 1 year) arthur just turned 30...it’s been nine years and change since merlin met him, and by the end of season 5 it will have been an entire decade

in an otherwise increddibly heavy episode arthur panicking and throwing all the apples out of the bowl so he could cover the horn with it is absolutely priceless. season 5 if nothing else has really hammered home for me what a TERRIBLE liar arthur is - merlin got good at it fast out of necessity but arthur can’t hold a poker face to save his LIFE. “leave it.” “why??” “because i’m telling you to and i’m the king of camelot” buddy......

we were ROBBED. if there had ever been a day where arthur came to accept merlin’s magic but still had to help merlin hide it there could have been an entire episode of arthur nearly blowing merlin’s cover because he’s a nervous nelly and at the end he goes “i cant believe you have had to do this 24/7 for YEARS without a single friend to help you” and merlin goes “well now i have you” anyway.

i love also that repeatedly when arthur goes to do something scary by himself he also brings merlin. they LITERALLY are two halves of a whole

“you’re threatening me with a spoon??” i can’t tell you about the unfortunate fanfics i have seen involving The Spoon. i shall also not mention the ones involving The Glove. we will not speak of it

I CANNOT BELIEVE STONEHENGE IS IIN MERLIN. i got so agitated i did not pay one bit of attention to the conversation following its reveal and me and cathy and had to rewind so i could listen properly

my hate-on for stonehenge goes thusly: stonehenge apocalypse, starring misha collins, is @callowyn‘s favorite movie. i have seen it 45 times. i hate it nearly as much as she loves it. it’s an age-old battle

merlin is so intense when he looks for signs in arthur that he DOESN’T totally hate magic...arthur using magic to see his dad again is one of those signs. he’s willing to turn to it in desperation - maybe he’d be willing in less desperate times too

“my father was taken from me before his time” i mean...he was practically in a coma. so like. he wasn’t

love that when arthur mentions merlins dad ONCE he immediately looks like he’s about to cry. mood. i also want to cry every time i think about merlins dad

up until the moment i laid eyes on uther i was SURE they werent actually gonna do it. i came into this thinking it was a FLASHBACK EP

for the record (and believe me i NEVER thought i’d say this) even though i waited and waited for his demise and cheered when he was gona for good...i really missed uther in season 4. at least with uther you know what you’re getting. agravaine (his replacement as “evil guy who keeps us from being able to solve our problems too easily”) was a slimy cowardly CREEP. and in season 5 i WISH things were as simple as “work around uther’s pigheaded unreasonableness”

for a hot second i really thought uther and arthur would have a nice conversation where they reconciled or said something heartwarming. i was worried about an uther redemption arc - this guy is responsible for the genocide of magic users, he doesn’t deserve redemption - but this show said NOT TODAY and they said it QUICK

WE

ARE

SO

BLESSED

i have A LOT of issues with season 5 but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THIS WAS DADDY ISSUES 2.0 BROUGHT BACK FROM THE DEAD

repressed trauma returns: harder better faster stronger!! that’s the STUFF

was i not just speaking the other day on my fanfic ask meme about how i love emotionally intense stuff? this is IT babey

uther’s such a bad father! he’s with his only child again for the last time in ever and all he does is tear him a new one! this is why arthur’s such a fucked-up human being (morgana too) 

i’m THRILLED we got to revisit this. his eyes get bigger and bigger and he starts fucking stammering and by the time uther’s done calling him weak and a failure he looks ready to CRY. i was HOLLERING. i still couldnt believe uther was even HERE and not only is he HERE he’s a WRECKING BALL

“this CAN’T be the last time i’ll ever see you” oh buddy you’re gonna wish it was

and he looks back, as he leaves. of COURSE he does. just like lot’s wife. so it goes.

you know how at the end of every supernatural episode sam and dean debrief and talk about their feelings in the car? for merlin and arthur it’s almost always done around a campfire at night - sometimes in arthur’s chambers or other places, but usually out here in the wilderness where it’s just the two of them. i’m...really going to miss it, when it’s gone.

“my father doesn’t approve of the way i’ve chosen to rule his kingdom” “you mean YOUR kingdom”

you know i don’t think i really got...like, fundamentally, on a deep level...that merlin fucking HATES uther

i’ve seen him save uther’s miserable life so many fucking times that i thought for merlin it was kind of the way it was with gwen - he feels nothing for him, but he looks after him for arthur’s sake (or as i came to understand later because he’s professor x about the whole thing)

but the way his expression got SO UGLY when arthur revealed that uther just shit-talked him the entire time...holy fuck

between that & some other stuff that happens later it really paints a clearer picture of like...uther’s dead so merlin doesn't have to hold back anymore and he FUCKING HATES HIM?? like obviously he SHOULD bu i just never SAW it before this. merlin LOATHES him. it’s INCREDIBLE to witness when he bore it so silently for so long. maybe even merlin didn’t realize just how much he hated him until now

and not to get too real here but if youve ever been friends with someone who had an abusive/toxic parent or was in an abusive/toxic relationship and you watch them feeling like shit after and they start making excuses for that asshole like “oh yeah he’s right about x” and you just want to find this horrible person and THROTTLE THEM that emotion is like ALL OVER merlin’s face rn. i didn’t actually seriously "”ship”” merlin and arthur until late season 4/early season 5 (i didnt like dislike it i just wasnt actively bothered by a lack of it) and what changed was this vibe. merlin wants to kill uther all over again just because he made arthur feel this way. he’s so fuckijng PROTECTIVE

and he still almost manages to drag a smile out of him via roasting, god bless these 2

ok so i didnt believe this show would actually DO THAT re: putting uther himself in this ep but i was doubly shocked by the fact that he HITCHED A RIDE AND GOT OUT

me shrieking during this entire poltergeist sequence: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD IT’S REALLY HIM?? HOLY FUCK HE IS LITERALLY HAUNTING ARTHUR I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY’RE DOING THIS I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY’RE GIVING US THIS etc etc etc

actually most of that was probably muffled nonsense because i was yelling with both hands over my mouth

percival’s the realest motherfucker on this whole show. dude survives a murder attempt in which he got an AXE lobbed at him by the fucking GHOST of a power-mad genocidal king and he’s like: yeah idk i guess it fell

there was thunder in the bg for this WHOLE ep and i’m Big into it

absolutely CACKLING at the bit where merlin has to ask arthur if he looked back at uther’s spirit. it’s one of those nice big heavy questions - so heavy, in fact, that arthur can’t answer, can’t even LOOK at merlin, either because he’s ashamed or because he’s bugging out or both. you thought this shit was over? it’s never over! daddy issues are a lifelong ride, pal! arthur’s just get to haunt him literally this time. god it’s so fucking good

can i just say? merlin reads that damning silence reeeal well. and it’s a big, heavy thing to know about arthur - but then again he knows all the big heavy things about arthur

the score for this episode is really good too...very suspenseful and good, adds a lot to the atmosphere, keeps it from getting too slow

there’s a hint of merlin’s absolute HATRED of uther in this conversation again - the way his face tightens when he says “uther would do anything to protect his legacy and that makes him dangerous, who knows what he’s capable of now”

and arthur dismisses him because he can’t hear this but merlin almost refuses to leave - and when he DOES leave, he doesn’t take his eyes off arthur for one fucking second. he stares him down all the way out of the room. i don’t think it’s because he’s angry with arthur, per se - he’s angry with uther, and he knows uther in a way arthur never can or will, as someone ruthless who will kill without warning or remorse. he’s afraid of uther and he’s trying to get arthur to be afraid of uther too before it’s too late and LSDKFJGHSLDFJH

if you’re thinking “thats a lot to interpret from one look” yes it is but i’m right. IT’S A BIG, HEAVY LOOK. NICE AND LOADED. love unpacking all of that

i cant believe this dude tried to KILL GWEN like he really is coming after everything that makes arthur happy. im so glad it was merlin that saved her. i really do think merlin is her best friend

multiple times in this serious arthur fidgets when he’s nervous or thinking, usually with his hands near his mouth. i am endeared to him. my poor boy

“i always knew my father could be cruel but why would he do this to gwen when he knows i love her” BECAUSE HE’S CRUEL

merlin knows. merlin knows his cruelty much better than arthur. boy does he know. i’m dying. it’s fine

love that at this part of the ep we slide seamlessly into the “merlin and arthur are both scared shitless” section which was truly one of my favorite things about the s4 opener. they’re both so fucking jumpy and giving each other shit about being frightened and continuing to be frightened anyway. the DELICIOUS IRONY of arthur finally being scared of uther in the way merlin has been scared of uther for Y E A R S oh my god it’s so GOOD

do also love the entire silent conversation they have when deciding what to do about the door. this is what i mean by their upgraded vibe.l in the early seasons merlin wouldn’t have understood and his lack of understanding would have been played for laughs. now they’re totally in sync

here’s the thing, gaius could have made this magic “able to see uther’s ghost” potion for just arthur and he didn’t. he made it for both of them. everything arthur does merlin does. they’re partners in all things. they’re COMPANIONS. and this is why i finally now Ship It. tragic.

you know this is a kind of weird comparison but late seasons arthur reminds me JUST a bit of gwaine. he complains so much less that he sort of has that same “roll with whatever” vibe to him. pretend to faint so you can steal some guy’s dagger? why not. take this foul potion that may kill us? sure, let’s do it. come what may he’s not really fussed. much more unflappable

until he starts getting spooked again LMFAO 

we do love a good pair of spooked dumbasses. this is charming and entertaining.

leon HAD to know they were lying about poetry. he probably thought they were having.......a tryst,

love also that even in this very dire moment merlin does NOT miss the chance to have some fun at arthur’s expense. that’s true friendship

i got jumpscared three separate times during this ep and one of them was when uther was glaring down merlin and arthur in the hallway after leon left

arthur didn’t jump but he did go hunting after him and to his credit he does not look scared. he looks like a man who is trying to deal with his business and get his shit together

merlin made that FACE again when arthur expressed sadness at hunting his own father because all he ever wanted to DO was make him proud

honestly it’s like since he can’t shit-talk uther he just sings arthur’s praises instead like this here is a guy who is just barely holding his tongue about how fuckin pissed he is. i cant believe it

splitting up was the WORST idea. have they not seen scooby doo??

love that when merlin gets cornered by uther’s ghost and gets scared he yells for arthur and when arthur gets scared because his torch blows out he yells for merlin. you fools, why did you SPLIT UP

uther locks arthur in the room with him, which is already some top tier content, but doubly good? it’s the same room in which arthur nearly ran him through in 2.08. don’t think i didn’t notice. i did notice. i was shrieking into my hands.

seriously this is a pretty calm liveblog but the first time i watched this ep my face was like this the whole time: O O

just kept going “HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK OH MY GOD” over and over. it was greeat

“arthur your fatal flaw is that you put too much trust in other people” do you think arthur, who now has a complex about people betraying him, ever forgot that for one second in his entire life afterward? me neither

speaking of 2.08 arthur dropped some FACTS “your hatred comes from fear” i'm sure they didn’t do it on purpose but #throwbacks

i’m fully experiencing human emotion. “i’m not you, i can’t rule like you did” he’s trying SO HARD to fight his way out of that bullshit

also lmao arthur like “then you’ll have to kill me” and uther like “yeah okay” arthur didn’t KNOW how this man was this could have been SUCH a good awakening

AND NOW IT’S TIME

FOR MY FAVORITE PART OF THIS EPISODE

when i say merlin hates uther. WHEN I SAY MERLIN H A T E S UTHER

HIS LINE HERE. ok. “get away from him, uther. you’ve caused enough harm” he’s furious! he’s GROWLING! 

“you are just a serving boy” “i am much more than that” listen. human words cannot express the emotion that ran through me. when they said “we’re gonna bring back anthony head as uther” i doubted. when they said “he’s gonna be the bad guy and reopen all of arthur’s old wounds” i doubted. when they said “he’s still here LITERALLY haunting arthur who now has to HUNT HIM” I DOUBTED. i didn’t believe they’d do any of it until it was happening on my screen. but ONE LOOK at merlins face made a MOTHERFUCKING BELIEVER out of me. i knew exactly what he was about to do. pretty sure i gasped “NO” in astonishment

AND HE DID THAT

HE👏

DID👏

THAT👏

NOT ONLY. DID I SHRIEK ALOUD. FULL SCREAM. WHEN IT HAPPENED THE FIRST TIME. BUT JUST NOW. WHEN I WATCHED HIM DO IT AGAIN. MORE SCREAMING.

how LONG do you think merlin had ACHED to do that

to show himself to uther for what he was, what he REALLY WAS, someone to be reckoned with instead of someone to be overlookedd, without fear of consequences

i can’t even like

like just imagine the triple rush of 1. satisfaction 2. rage 3. lingering habitual terror

i think at this moment merlin was closer to and more like morgana than he had ever been and maybe ever will be again. because the two of them have so much in common but one thing i didn’t really clock until now is how much they both hate uther

it’s so good. uther is SHOCKED and DISMAYED and this is like merlin’s old fear come back from death too (getting found out by uther) while at the same time being a dream come true (getting to tell uther what he really thinks, who he really is - “i was BORN with it!”) he’s so ANGRY! he is LIVID!)

he’s also really SATISFIED like “even while you were king there was magic at the heart of camelot” GOD how long has he been WAITING for this and not even realized it

and like then uther starts spewing his hateful bullshit and stalking forward with the intent to kill and my guy merlin who should be terrified STANDS HIS MOTHERFUCKING GROUND and says right over him “you’re wrong, you’re wrong” for thirty beautiful seconds merlin really got to be free. i know i will keep comparing things to 2.08 until i die but it’s just like when arthur was almost ready to kill uther in cold blood because for one perfect, brilliant moment he really and truly saw clearly the world as it was. i really love these moments...the strength of their respective convictions is so gratifying

merlin yeeting uther through a door is also gratifying although i have no idea what he hoped to accomplish by following without waking arthur first

i. LOVE. that the camera lingered a little on the spears or whatever after merlin walked by them. nice little foreshadowing moment

THOSE SPEARS GOT AWFULLY CLOSE BUT IM PRETTY SURE UTHER MISSED ON PURPOSE BECAUSE HE WANTED TO TAKE HIS TIME. HIS MISTAKE

okay merlin spent the better part of a lifetime dreading uther’s death sentence and here’s uther stalking down a hallway sword pointed at his chest and certain death is IMMINENT and what does merlin’s face look like?

arthur comes in with the rescue and INSTANTLY his expression changes to?

IT’S BETTER IN MOTION BUT HE LOOKS READY TO CRY

my immediate thought: oh jesus what if uther outs him

i knew he wouldnt bc of spoilers but i would bet a benjamin that that was merlin’s first thought too

tbh. i wish he had.

i kind of wonder if merlin doesn’t wish the same thing. like yes being outed like that is terribly violating and he’s terrified of telling arthur obviously or he would have already but at the same time there would be so much relief once it was finally out. no more secret-keeping. no more burden

i mean, if you go back and watch it, dude’s straight up shaking. he’s trembling all over. he’s losing it. that last teary glance they exchanged.......

uther was two SYLLABLES away from blowing the whole thing

and in a better happier canon where arthur knows and was waiting for merlin to tell him this is like double angst because uther wouldve ben blowing something for them both

i like arthurs followup of realizing that he’ll never be able to please uther (step 1 of breaking away from the cycle of abuse) but for the LIFE OF ME

i will NEVER be able to understand why they segued into this GLOVE THING

i’m not talking about the glove thing

i will say however that by the end of this episode i was so hysterical i had to get up and get water and pace around my kitchen for ten minutes fanning my own face

and that’s it. that’s the second-best episode of merlin and the last good episode there ever was

[ravenish-huffnpuff]

Fantastic beasts and the curse breakers

I cannot tell you how amazed and thankful I was to the incredible response to my last fic! I’m so touched, I’m so amazed so many of you liked something I wrote. That’s so... I can’t even put it into words, you guys are all awesome! 

I was thinking about what to write next... and all I could think about is where everyone is going to go and what’s going to happen in the next movie. So... I may have plotted what I think/hope might happen in Fantastic Beasts 3.(Because go big or go home I guess. I might have to go home, I’ve never tried any big plots before, but stick with me!). 

So this is the first chapter of what could be, if anyone likes it!

Disclaimer: a dark Queenie, because I found what they did to her character really interesting.

Germany 1930

She was laughing. He wasn’t even sure if what he said was funny or even that intelligent. The alcohol had clogged his brain, and everything was blurred at the edges. She was just so soft, so pretty, with her blonde curls and confident American twang.

“Oh honey, you’re so funny!” she twittered reaching across the bar to take her hand in his. Her perfectly manicured nails dug into his palm, hard. She lent over, letting her lips brush against his ear.

“Do you want to get out of here? She murmurs slow, seductively.

“With me?” he slurs.

“Why of course,” she bats her eyelashes innocently at him.

“Not too many foreign witches are up for a night with a German wizard,” this is unfortunately true he thinks, shooting the rest of his drink. After the great war, Germany is generally considered the outcast of Europe.

“Well,” she says pausing for effect, “not many witches are like me,” she gives him a girlish wink. He almost falls off his stool in his haste to get the bill.

Her hand falls seamlessly through his, her touch exciting and electric. He wasn’t good enough for her, too old, too balding, way past his prime. She’s bright, bubbly, and beautiful. She extends a delicate tongue into the cold night air, catching snowflakes, eyes dancing with delight. He floats in and out of her mindless chattering, she’s an hypnotising bird and he’s agreeing readily and without a care in the world.

“We’re going to have such a nice time” - “Yes” Yes.

“This is a fancy house” – “Yes” It’s not actually mine.

“You’re a curse breaker, you said?” – “Yes” Did he say that?

“I’ve got a friend coming along, if you don’t mind” – “Yes” As long as she looks like you.

They’re inside now, stumbling through hall ways. She raises her wand elegantly, and charms off her shoes. Then her stockings. Yes. She points her want at him.

“Your turn honey,” and everything goes black.

------

His headache hits him like a train, almost knocking him flat. Or at least it would’ve done, if he wasn’t currently tied to a chair. He grinds his teeth anxiously. A pair of wary, heated eyes study him from a dark corner. They widen, noticing his eye contact.

“Queenie? He’s awake,” his voice is American too, but shaking. Like a leaf in the wind.

“I told you to do it before he woke Credence,” his blonde gives a mothering sigh, “it’ll be harder otherwise,”

“I… don’t want,” the young man shakes his head erratically, fighting a losing battle within himself. Clicking her tongue impatiently,she strides towards the boy- Credence- running a loving hand through his hair.

“For the Greater Good, Credence,” she says softly.

He’s struck cold with fear. No. He was so careful. It’s not possible. It can’t be.

“Nein!” he screams wildly, praying for anyone, anything to come and save him.

“For the Greater Good,” the boy says slowly raising his wand. There’s a flash of green light. Then nothing.  

London 1930.

“And bow…” Newt says, a tentative hand placed on the small of Tina’s back.

“Yes I do know what to do, Newt” Tina whispers amused, but not looking away from the pair of majestic almond eyes, “I’ve been here since she was born,”

“Just in case you forgot,” he shoots back cheekily, “or fell asleep,” Tina aims a kick at Newt’s shin, which probably would’ve hit its mark if she hadn’t currently been in a deep bend. Last week he’d found her exhausted, curled up with the baby demiguises, even at her previous insistence that she ‘really wasn’t tired’. He’s never going to let her live it down.

“I hate you,” she says huffily, after Carol also bent a scaly knee forward.

“Of course you do,” he says disbelieving giving her a quick hug round her waist. She puffs out her cheeks in mock anger, but gives him a small grin. They both enjoy their banter, but her soft smiles make him ache a bit. But they’re taking it slow. ‘As slow as a pair of bloody snails’ as Theseus would say when he’s in a good mood. He’s hardly ever in a good mood. He’s still wearing the traditional mourner’s black, despite the rest of them changing back to colours a few months ago.

Shaking those miserable thoughts away, he holds up a selection of ferrets for Carol to approve as Tina gives the spoilt hippogriff a rub down. It’s Bunty’s day off, and their annual group dinner night, so Tina and Newt are busy finishing off the rounds before Jacob arrives. He likes it- just him and her. An comfortable silence and his beasts. Over the last two years he’s cherished these moments, tucked them away, kept them save. Tina, surrounded by a halo of snidgets, all competing for her attention. Tina’s wet eyes when the diricawl’s last chick refused to hatch. Tina watching him entranced as he helped the Erumptent give birth to baby Susie. She finds everything he does fascinating and he loves her for it.

Carol’s eyes, blink at him, way too often and way too fast for his liking. He stares closer, only mildly registering Jacob’s clattering down the stairs and Tina’s greeting. There’s flecks of dry matter in the corner of each pupil and around each of the beast’s eyelids.

“It’s all right,” he croons, “Mum’s on it,”

“Tina?” Newt calls out, “can I have the eye-“

“Eyedropper,” she confirms, pressing the object into his hand.

“How do you always know?” he hums.

“Magic,” she replies a sweet smile playing around her lips, sliding her fingers out of his.

Merlin, she’s amazing.

“Oi! Love birds!” Jacob cuts in smirking. Tina jumps back from him, biting her lip, face falling into her stereotypical frown. Newt shoots him a look of pure evil, but Jacob just grins. Why is he his best friend again? “sorry to interrupt,” Jacob continues, “but Tina, Theseus is up stairs asking for you, apparently it’s important,”

“Right,” Tina says worried, “I’m on it,” she takes the stairs two at a time. Newt’s found his brother prefers Tina’s company to Jacob’s or even his own. Jacob is too likely to make an ill timed joke, Newt’s too likely to smile inappropriately. Tina’s serious, but caring nature seems to work for him. ‘A bit brash at times, but a nice girl Newt, and a damn good auror,’.

“When did he get here? He asks Jacob absently, finishing tending to the hippogriff’s eyes.

“About the same time I did,” Jacob said, watching Newt shut the gate of Carols pen, and wiping the dirt off his pant legs, “he was pacing on your doorstep. I reckon something happened at work,”

“Lately, somethings always happening at work,” Newt mutters darkly. Already aurors have begun to go missing, all in ‘mysterious’ circumstances. He’s made Tina promise to not take any ‘unnecessary risks’, when it comes to her work. But she only promised half-heartedly, and Newt already knows if something tugs on her heart hard enough she will fight, tooth and nail. It’s one of the things that attracts him to her.

“Have you kissed her yet?” Jacob asks, as they climb the steps in time. 

“No,” Newt says simply, wondering whether Queenie ever taught Jacob her gift of legilimency.

“Pal, not to be blunt, but why the hell not?” Jacob sounds unbelieving. Newt’s not sure he blames him.

“There just hasn’t been the right moment yet,” this is not entirely true. There have been many moments. Stolen glances, close foreheads. For Merlin’s sake, in Paris he could’ve kissed her. However, to finally kiss, to take that next step… It’s like they’re both balancing on a tightrope between friendship and something evidently more dear. They want to jump, to catch each other in an embrace. But what if someone slips? What if someone falls? 

“We’re taking it slow,” Newt says resolutely.

“Whatever you say mate” Jacob sounds fed up, pushing open the door to Newt’s apartment. Tina and Theseus sit together in an intense conversation, empty tea cups sit forlorn in front of them. A kettle wails impatiently on the stove, and Newt levitates it onto the counter top before it sprays them all with boiling liquid.

“Are you certain?” Tina says, enraptured, her grown out fringe falling excitedly over her eye line.

“Yes. We’ve got to go now. All of us,” Theseus says heatedly, his fingers tapping rhythmically on the table top.

“Go where?” Newt says suspiciously.

Theseus looks up, his eyes wild and bright. He’s practically smacking his lips in anticipation.

“Dumbledore’s finally found someone to break the blood pact,” Theseus announces to Jacobs’ curiosity and Newt’s horror, “he wants us to track them down,”

“Dumbledore,” Newt falls into the chair next to Tina with a thud. Even his name gives him a headache. He’d thought perhaps, that his old professor would forget about their little group. Leave them in peace, give the task to some people more experienced. More willing. But Tina’s eyes are also bright, and excited. A new case they seem to say, a new puzzle to solve. He wishes he had their positivity. This will not end well.

“When?” Newt sighs defeated.

“Hogshead. Five minutes, be there,“ Theseus stands briskly, shooting a glare at Newt “Jacob, Tina…little brother,” and he disapperates.

[elizaxspears]

So, here’s another try at Hartwin! I’m still testing grounds with them, so why not go for a post Golden Circle, fix it, sick fic? Because that’s exactly what this is.

After everything was said and done, things weren’t as bad as they seemed. Granted, yes, they were still bad but there was some good luck crawling out of the shadows. Not only had Merlin survived the mine, equipped with bionic legs that looked wicked awesome, Roxy escaped the mansion before the missile hit and the Statesman offered their resources to help rebuild Kingsman. Harry was appointed as Arthur and Eggsy got to keep the title of Galahad. Finally, there was some semblance of normality Eggsy thinks, as he sits on the couch in his and Harry’s new flat. What he had now with Harry was probably the only truly good thing that came out of this whole mess. Once they’d released the cure to the world and they were finally able to shed those tears, it came easy to admit how they felt in their rawest state. Of course, he had to tell Tilde about this and, while it hadn’t gone down easy, and honestly when was anything in eggsy’s life ‘easy’, she let him go. She even said she suspected he felt that much to his mentor considering he lived in Harry’s house and never changed a thing. It was just, no one expected Harry to come back.

Now he had. An eye missing and still dealing with the horrors of what he’d done at the church, he was back and so were Merlin and Roxy. While he still lost Brandon and JB, this was probably the best outcome that could have happened. He, Jamal and Ryan had closure over Brandon and JB the second helped ease the hole of losing his beloved pug. Having Hamish around helped as well and Eggsy pretends not to know that’s Merlin’s real name.

He’s gotten back from visiting mum and Daisy with Harry—Arthur’s—permission. While he tells her he’s no longer dating a princess but Harry Hart, the tailor who was meant to be dead, she just shakes her head, ending his stories. She doesn’t know what her son has gotten himself into; expecting the life of a tailor to be a simple job, but as long as he returns home to her and Harry alive, she’s not asking questions. Eggsy doesn’t like the tension between his mother and Harry and hopes maybe one day they can finally make amends over his father. Daisy, at least, was over the moon for Harry since the very first time they’d met. The darling thing already had Harry wrapped around her little finger.

He flicks through the news articles on his phone; they don’t hold his attention much as he keeps an ear out for the door. Since he hasn’t seen Harry for nearly a month, Merlin’s set him on a mission, one he took personally. As Merlin’s informed him, Eggsy had been Harry’s, well, a lot of things. He’s made sure Harry takes the breaks he needs, help avoid any eye strain from staring at the contrasting small black letters on a blanched white paper, that he doesn’t suddenly throw himself into being Arthur without a good head on his shoulders and food for gods sake Harry, people need to eat! Since Eggsy’s, been gone, Harry’s nearly gone off the deep end. Not even Merlin’s nagging made him budge and now he’s gone and worked himself ill. His sleep schedule was non existent with late nights and even earlier mornings; all of it catching up to him and Merlin knows Eggsy has this way of getting the stubborn pillock to listen (Merlin’s words).

Which is why when Eggsy hears the door open, he puts on his best disappointed face. It doesn’t match Harry’s, never could rival the look he got when Harry was chastising him about not shooting JB, but it should, maybe, work. “‘Arry.” he greets at the door and hell if Merlin wasn’t joking when he mentioned Harry looked as sick as he probably felt. He’d gone pale again except for the slickly flush on his cheeks, with large dark circles under his eye, a slight sheen of sweat covered his skin and his hair was just that bit out of place, his suits as well. His hands are even slightly shaking as they close the door. “Fuckin’ hell Harry.”

Harry gives him that mock smile before shredding his coat and hanging it up. He’s also got a briefcase which Eggsy takes. “I need that.” he says like he’s actually going to work. His voice is scratchy and a little croaky.

“No you don’t. Instead, why don’t y’ come sit with me for a bit? Missed you.” Harry must not be feeling well if he’s not up for arguing. Instead he goes along easily.

Eggsy sets the briefcase down and put his arm around Harry’s shoulders, taking his hand to lead the way. “I’m not brittle, Eggsy.”

“Just come with me.”

He’s sure Harry expected them to return to the living room but Eggsy instead leads them upstairs. Harry looks frustrated and just as a protest is on his lips, he’s whipping his head to the side, snapping a hand to his mouth to cover the horrible cough. His shoulders shake with the force of it and Eggsy’s frowning even worse now. “You okay?” he asks softly when Harry breathes deeply once the fit seems over.

“Fine.”

Though Eggsy isn’t, and won’t be, convinced, he continues to help Harry toward their bedroom. The older man takes a seat on the edge of the bed; he just sits there, staring up at Eggsy with as much heat as a sick man can muster. “Hey, you’re not gonna get better if you work yourself to the grave.”

“I’ve been dead once already. I’m sure another trip won’t be that horrible.” Eggsy crosses his arms and looks away. For once, it’s Harry who knows he’s crossed a line. Despite the time between Kentucky and now, it’s still a sore subject for the younger man so Harry reaches out, his warm hand resting over Eggsy’s bicep. “I’m sorry my boy. That was in poor taste.”

Eggsy takes a deep breath, his eyes finding Harry’s hand before the takes it in his own. “Dunno if I’ll ever be okay with it. I…saw you die, ‘arry. I saw that bullet.” the memory is surfacing but he does his best to shove it away. Especially when he reaches for Harry’s glasses, pinching the arms between his fingers. “…can I?”

“You may.” Eggsy slowly removes the glasses from Harry’s face and for as long as Harry lives, their both going to be reminded of what was lost that day. Where they both weren’t the best to each other, where that should have been the end for their relationship. But, it’s also proof Harry’s a tough old bastard and it’s going to take more than a bullet to kill him. “Eggsy.”

His eyes flick to Harry’s working one and instead of apologizing, he leans forward, kissing just above his eyebrow of the damaged eye. “Harry.”

Harry has his arms around him and Eggsy returns the hug. It’s warmer than normal with Harry’s increased body temperature but it’s still a comfort Eggsy finds himself searching for more often than not. “You’ve made me proud, Eggsy. You’re exactly what Kingsman needed.”

He’s heard Harry say that before and every time there’s that slight doubt but he trusts Harry; he always trusts Harry even when he doesn’t. Like Whiskey. Maybe the entirety of Statesman being double agents was wrong but Harry had been right about Whiskey. “They need you more.” Eggsy replies as he pulls away. “Now, get changed for me. I wanna see you outta this suit and into your robe or something. I’m gonna make you something to eat.”

“Just soup will do, my boy.”

Eggsy stands for a few minutes as he watches Harry slowly undress himself, making sure he’s doing what he asked, before giving him one more kiss to his temple and making his way back downstairs to the kitchen. He knows what recipe to make; the same one Harry had told him about during those twenty-four hours together. He remembers standing in the small kitchen, watching Harry go about making their dinner with a little book full of recipes sat out ready for use. Out of curiosity, Eggsy skimmed through the book, asking Harry about the ones that looked delicious or had really weird names. He asked about the soup recipe and Harry told him his mother had made it up and always cooked it for him when he was a sick lad. It was one of the few things she would do for him personally instead of having someone else tend to Harry.

Now, Eggsy has only his memory to rely on. That’s something that makes him pause. While he lost quite a bit because of Poppy, Harry lost his entire livelihood. His home, his butterfly collection, Mr. Pickle, all his knick knacks that probably held some sentimental value. He even nearly lost his oldest friend because of Eggsy’s mistake. He knows he can’t blame himself for Harry’s townhouse blowing up but he feels he’s lost everything too. He lived in that house for a year. He’d seen all what Harry hid away, the things that made him man rather than a hardened spy. All of it was gone now.

Harry had taken this news better than Eggsy expected, at first. When they were in that diner, after they’d save the world and they could be two men mourning for a friend, Eggsy saw Harry’s true grieving. There were no sobs or shouting or anger at all, but a constant stream of tears from his closed eye. Eggsy cried with him and like the cell, embraced him, both letting everything go.

Eggy’s brought back to his mission when there’s scratching at the back door followed by tiny barks. He sets down the knife and opens the door. Hamish rushes in with JB the second trotting along behind him. Eggsy wants to get on their level but he has dinner that needs to be prepared. Instead, he sends them upstairs, hoping seeing Hamish will give Harry more motivation to relax. JB on the other hand stays at his side; the smell of food too tempting for the pug.

The soup is finished in the next half hour to the best of Eggsy’s abilities. While he’s not a grand chef like Harry, he thinks he did pretty well. He’s had a taste and he’s satisfied with it. So he takes the bowl upstairs, JB following behind.

When he returns to the bedroom, Harry’s thankfully listened. His pyjamas on, the blanket over his lap with Hamish curled on top the blanket. Harry's’ hand continuously soothes down Hamish’s back, a fond smile on his face. Eggsy can only imagine what memories this must bring back. “Dinner.” he speaks up.

Hamish lifts his head as Harry’s attention is now on him. Maybe it’s the aroma wafting from the bowl, but Harry’s eyes go even softer. “Please tell me you didn’t make what I think you did.”

Eggsy is suddenly very nervous. “If I did?”

“Oh Eggsy.” Harry says and Eggsy swears there’s moisture gathering in his good eye, “you didn’t need to go through all that trouble for me.”

Eggsy sits on his side of the bed, passing the bowl to Harry. “Of course I did. You woulda made the same for me, yeah?” Harry nods as he takes the spoon, stirring the contents of the bowl before lifting the spoon. He blows on it; Eggsy waits eagerly as Harry takes the first bite. “…well?”

Harry sighs. “It’s good, thank you.”

“Should help your throat too.” they sit there in silence for a moment as Harry eats until they hear a bark. Eggsy looks down at JB before picking up the pug and putting him on the bed with the rest of them. “Was watching me cook.”

“Have they eaten yet?” Harry asks, setting down the spoon to rub over JB’s head.

“Yep. But, JB ate Hamish’s leftovers again.”

Harry just smiles. “You’re lucky.” he says to the pug, “if Mr. Pickle were still alive, you wouldn’t have had anything to steal.”

Eggsy sports the same smile, reclining back against the bed. Harry slowly finishes off the soup, Hamish still on his lap while JB is at his side, waiting to see if he’ll get anything. While Harry has been known to give both dogs scraps from the table, there’s nothing here for Harry to share so once the bowls done, JB huffs then takes his normal spot next to Eggsy’s feet, stretching out. “Feel better?” Eggsy asks, taking the bowl and putting it aside.

“Far too early to tell yet.” Harry replies, reclining as Eggsy had, his hand returning to stroking over Hamish’s back. “But, thank you Eggsy. I’m sorry I’ve been a little hard on you lately.”

Eggsy shrugs. “Arthur’s a big job. Don’t blame you for gettin’ stressed like that.” this time he sets Harry with a pointed glare, “but I can blame you for lettin’ yourself get run down like this Harry. You know you gotta keep your health up.”

Harry closes his eye. “I know. Believe me, I do.”

“Then why just throw yourself into nothing but work while I was gone?”

“It was better than coming home to an empty flat.” Eggsy’s brows draw together and Harry continues. “For years after Mr. Pickle, I would come home alone. I’d grown used to it, I’d expected it. Then you called in my favour. I’m not so much as an old fool to believe in love at first sight but I did become increasingly fond of you. It wasn’t until we spent that night together that I realized I was an old enough fool to fall in love. I woke up next to you and I thought, I’d love to wake up like this every day.”

Eggsy frowns. “And I had to go and fuck it up, right?”

“We both fucked it up.” Harry counters. “I shouldn’t have gotten as angry as I did. I shouldn’t have left without finishing our conversation.” he looks at Eggsy again. “And now, after all that’s happened, nearly losing you to a princess, nearly losing Merlin, then having you leave for a month so soon after, I couldn’t stand it. The longer I was away from this place, the better.”

“Why’d you let me go then if it bothered you so bad?”

“Because I’m not going to prevent you from living because I have some demons I've yet to concur.”

Eggsy thinks then scoots closer, wrapping his arms around the older man’s shoulders from the side. “This is home Harry. Our home. Remember that okay?”

“It’s only home when you’re here with me.”

Eggsy hugs him tight, resting his head on Harry’s shoulder. “I know.” and they’re able to enjoy this moment, this comfortable silence for a little longer until Harry turns his head to cough again. It sounds better than the last one at least. “C’mon Harry. Lay down, get some rest.”

“You forget I have paperwork I have to do.”

“You forget that I’m not lettin’ your arse outta bed until you’re not coughin’ anymore.”

“Don’t make me order you as Arthur.”

“Don’t make me order you as your boyfriend and I think that has a higher rank right now.” Harry narrows his eyes. Any other time, he’d try Eggsy much like Eggsy does with him except, there is something very tempting about bed rest.

Finally, he relents. “Fine. Because my boyfriend demands it of me.”

“Damn right he does.” Eggsy is grinning proudly as Harry shifts, carefully enough to avoid jostling Hamish off his lap. He’s laying down now. “Close your eye.” Eggsy says and Harry does.

Then there are fingers pressing just enough on his temples, rubbing in slow circles. “Eggsy—”

“Sh. It’s okay Harry. Let me do this for you.”

Harry fights for a bit; fights to keep conscious. He’s still a little terrified sometimes of that creeping darkness but there are three different things that help ease that fear away. He can feel Hamish still on his lap, the dogs weight a nice comfort, he can hear JB the second snoring from Eggsy’s side of the bed and best of all, he has Eggsy hear with him. “I love you.” he says softly, hardly audible to his own ears.

Eggsy doesn’t skip a beat as he replies, like he’s been waiting to say it since the night they spent together, “I love you too.”

[lightpinkskye]

cum te amo tota anima mea; or, i love you with all of my soul

summary:  soulmate au based on this prompt by silentpeaches on tumblr: “Where for whatever reason, your clock is stuck/frozen/it’s not counting down anymore but it hasn’t reached 00:00:00:00 yet and you’re freaking out because this hasn’t happened to anyone before.” drarry. draco’s pov.

length: 1,473 words

pairing: Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy

rating: T (teen and up audiences)

also crossposted on my ao3, ff.net, and wattpad

Draco Malfoy is curious.

He has known practically from birth of the existence of soulmates, those who complete you, make your heart whole. His parents are each other’s, Auntie Bella and Uncle Rodolphus too.

Even Uncle Sev has one, even if he doesn’t like to talk about her.

Draco has a clock of his own, counting down to a date far, far away to his five-year-old mind, some sixteen years in the future.

He hopes his soulmate is Pansy. She’s full of adventures, always with scraped knees and messy hair, to the constant detriment of her mother. To a quiet boy like Draco, she seems alive in a way his house, full of empty rooms and cold splendor, rarely sees.

Draco wishes that whoever they are, his soulmate has that same sparkle of perpetual wonder in their eyes that Pansy does.

Draco Malfoy is angry.

How dare that nasty Potter brat show such a blatant disregard for what Draco knows to be the order of things? He just wanted to save him from himself - associating with Weasleys is social suicide, everyone knows that.

It doesn’t help that he knows that when he writes home for the first time later tonight, his father is going to pace his study for a long time, silently fuming at his son’s incompetence at what should have been so easy, Draco, Merlin, how could you possibly bungle up something that simple, pathetic, honestly, how did I ever get so unlucky to get saddled with you as a son, the Dark Lord-

Draco flops back onto his new bed in the dungeons, seething with resentment and not crying at all. His clock has a little over ten years left, and he still doesn’t know who his soulmate is, not that it matters-

Crabbe shifts heavily in his sleep, startling Draco from his thoughts. He rolls over and covers himself in the heavy green comforter, losing himself to sleep.

Draco Malfoy is not panicking. Not at all.

It’s just that how dare Potter keep looking at Cho Chang with that dopey expression, as if she (that boring sap of a Ravenclaw with dreadful hair, honestly) had managed to hang the moon without anyone else noticing.

And he wasn’t at all happy that Pansy tried to kiss him last week at Hogsmeade (not one bit, even if her dress robes did set off her eyes), even if Theo and Greg would eagerly murder him for the same opportunity. Not that there is anything wrong with Pansy, it’s only that whenever he ...thinks about ...kissing, there’s always green eyes and golden, muscled limbs, and-

Okay, so there may be the ever-so-slight possibility that Draco doesn’t like Pansy because he doesn’t like women like that. Which is entirely irrelevant and has no bearing on his future. Because he’s still going to marry a nice, rich, pureblooded girl from a nice, rich, pureblooded family, and have nice, rich, pureblooded sons to carry on the Malfoy line. No matter how good Potter looks in a Quidditch uniform.

Draco is fifteen, his clock is constantly ticking down to somewhen, a little less than six years away, and Merlin why doesn’t he know-

But Blaise is calling him, and he turns away after one last lingering look at Potter’s messy shock of hair.

Draco Malfoy is terrified.

Not only is the Dark Lord inside Hogwarts, but his classmates are dying at the hands of his father’s friends, his mother is nowhere to be found, and for some unholy reason, his timer has stopped counting.

It’s not that it’s at zero, oh no, it still has three and a half years left, no, it has just. Stopped. Right in the middle of a fucking battle. As if Draco doesn’t have enough on his mind already without his stupid soulmark deciding to go haywire.

He whirls around, parrying spells fired from both sides, not caring who sent them, just trying to find his mother, and in the back of his mind is the constant whisper of Potter where’s Potter that bloody son of a banshee did he go did he answer the Dark Lord’s summons where is he where-

Because he can’t stop thinking about the fucking Chosen One even in the middle of trying not to die. Of course.

And then he feels a burning in his wrist and there his timer goes, counting down like it should be, and oh thank Merlin, I’m not any more broken than I already am.

And Draco hears the Dark Lord’s voice echoing around Hogwarts, effectively halting the firing of curses in the wake of -

Potter.

Dead.

At the Dark Lord’s hand.

And there, the half-breed Hagrid, carrying something - no, it can’t be, that’s not -

But it is.

And Hagrid is sobbing while the Dark - no, Voldemort - laughs.

The chaos around him blurs as Draco’s vision tunnels, focusing on that fucking hair, messy even in -

Wait. Was that a -

Breath?

And his heart skips a beat or five as Potter rises from the ground and thank all the fucking gods he’s not dead, Potter isn’t dead, but how?

And as the battle resumes, Draco’s train of thought is lost again in the all-consuming panic of my parents where are they I must find them, is there anyone -

He doesn’t notice when Nagini dies at Longbottom’s hands, or even when the whole gaggle of ginger heads clustered together around their dead son. His parents are alive (and so is Potter), and so is he, and that is enough for now.

Draco Malfoy is, for once in his life, calm.

Three years after the Battle of Hogwarts, as it has come to be known, and his life has finally returned to some semblance of normalcy. Or, you know, whatever normalcy can be when Ron Weasley is beating him at wizard’s chess in his own parlor.

He is still reeling that he’s somehow become - can they really be friends, after all this? perhaps so - something, anyway, with the very people he took such delight in tormenting half a life ago. Yet here he is, living in a comfortable flat in London near St. Mungo’s, not in Azkaban, with Harry Potter attempting to teach Hermione Granger his aunt’s recipe for treacle tart in his kitchen.

“Check!” Ron crows, and Draco’s attention returns to the chessboard, analyzing possible moves in his head. He hesitates only slightly before directing his remaining castle to a black square across from Ron’s king.

He is stopped from declaring checkmate by a sudden burning scent emerging from the kitchen, immediately followed by the distinctive sound of the Chosen One swearing while attempting to remove a treacle tart from an oven barehanded. Draco rises, stepping towards the commotion, as Ron rushes to ensure his fiancee is unharmed.

Harry waves with his left hand, perched on the countertop and seemingly calm once more, as Hermione attempts to bandage the other, scolding him all the while in a shrill tone remarkably similar to that of Ron’s mother. Draco can’t help but grin at the fate the poor dessert has befallen, poking at the blackened crust. “How on earth did the two of you manage to kill this innocent tart in the five minutes since it was in the oven?” he asks, shaking his head. “If there is a speck of damage to my kitchen, Potter, I swear on Merlin’s left nut -”

He is cut off by Ron simultaneously kicking his shin and rubbing flour in Harry’s untidy mess of hair. Draco sighs dramatically. “Ronald Bilius Weasley, I will not tolerate such abuse in my own domicile. Leave this place at once, and take that poor excuse for a pastry chef you call Hermione with you.”

In the midst of the bickering that ensues, he can’t help but smile. One hundred and sixty-two days, three hours, and seven minutes until he kisses his soulmate, yet Draco isn’t concerned about their identity any more. He’s made his peace with his timer and with the world, or at the very least the three people covered in flour and plasters crammed into his kitchen.

No, Draco Malfoy is happy, even if he still gets nightmares about Charity Burbage sometimes, and whoever his soulmate is, they will come when they come. In the meanwhile, he will learn to cook and play chess and finish his potions apprenticeship (and if he still checks out Harry’s arse during pick-up Quidditch games, well, a man can dream, can’t he?).

When Harry Potter finally kisses Draco Malfoy on a crisp September afternoon, one hundred and sixty-two days, three hours, and seven minutes later, Draco can’t kiss back because he is smiling wide enough for three people. His wrist is tingling, his nose is cold, Harry is laughing, and all is well.

[funkzpiel]

It's five in the morning I just woke up AGAIN and my body has been doing this to me for the past week I am exhausted :(

I’m so sorry, lovely! I meant to respond to this WAY EARLIER - but fucking LIFE™ got in the way. Have some teeth rotting fluff (edit: whatever this ended up being) as my apology. I hope you’ve been able to sleep well since.

[EDIT] As a quick side note now that I finished writing it, I am super tired and just realized I changed tenses a million times - please forgive me if this or the characterization OR THE ANYTHING doesn’t make sense. XD I tried.

It’s common knowledge that Percival Graves does not sleep. The aurors tell Newt that the man’s blood is made of coffee. He ingests more cups of black, soul crushing coffee than he does water; or food, for that matter. One might even call it an addiction, if they really didn’t give shit about their job or their life. 

He takes his biggest cup in the morning - it is also his strongest cup. The sharp, heady stench of black roast can be smelt all across MACUSA every morning from Graves’ cup alone. From there, he has another two before lunch time. Sometimes, he’ll eat a sandwich or hotdog. Usually, he’ll forget. He’s only got time to brew a cup or grab a bite before his 1 o’clock meeting, and everyone knows what he’ll pick.

There’s another large cup that comes around 3. Another before the end of the day, and finally - after his most painful Wednesday meeting - a cup of blonde roast with just one dollop of honey, to soothe his enraged throat after a meeting of enraged interdepartmental fighting.

Everyone knows that Percival Graves does not sleep.

But everyone also knows that now more than ever, fresh from his measly two-week recovery vacation (in which he barely vacated MACUSA at all, let alone rest), Percival Graves needs to sleep.

They can see it in the dark, waxy skin under his eyes and in the way his cheeks are drawn and tight, jaw clenched in an eternal struggle to stay awake and present. They can see it in the dull, muted shine of his hair and the tremble in his hands that no one dares mention. They can see it in the way his suits aren’t exactly wrinkle free, not like they usually were.

He misplaces files he never used to misplace. He loses track of time. He enters a room, blinks, then exits - and everyone knows he’s forgotten why he came. 

And most worryingly of all, he doesn’t go home. They thought he was just working late, but Tina’s tried to outstay him. He doesn’t go home. He just doesn’t. Instead, he stays in his office and makes a bed of his rather uncomfy (but very beautiful) black leather couch. No blanket to warm him, no pillow to ease him away.

And even then, he doesn’t sleep. He just reclines, resting his aching bones, and goes over more documents - a warm cup on his belly, soothing the cramping of his empty belly.

He’s thin. His clothes are beginning to drown him. 

Tina’s beside herself. All the aurors worrying they’re watching him slip away, unable once again to save him. They try to bring him food - and he accepts graciously - but always forgets to eat, too quickly absorbed into another document, another meeting, another case. They’ll find the sandwich on his desk - a perfect row of teeth through the corner and no more.

They try to give him water. They try to walk him home.

Then finally, sleep comes in the form of one Theseus Scamander. He comes as a favor to MACUSA to help consult on a case, as well as discuss more opportunities for partnerships between the aurors of America and the aurors from the Ministry of Magic. Long time friends as they are, it takes Theseus one second to recognize what’s wrong.

He leaves Graves’ office after their first greeting to return to the hotel and settle his things, but not before spotting Tina and stopping at her desk.

“How long has it been?”

Tina blinks.

“Excuse me?”

“Since he slept. How long?”

Tina blinks again, even more surprised.

“I–” she trails off, her mouth a long, pursed line; unsure of how much to reveal. Hopeful that if this man knew the director well enough to notice within moments, that he might be able to help. She had heard stories of their friendship, after all. Maybe… “Weeks, just a few hours here and there.”

“Of course,” he muttered, then slung his case atop the empty desk next to Tina. She balked, wide eyed and captivated as Theseus then opened his case and began to sort through some of his possessions, muttering all the while very much like his brother - and that made something in Tina’s heart flutter. Finally, the man pulled back from his case with a candle and a book-sized parcel in hand and let loose a small, victorious noise before turning back to Tina. “Would you mind terribly if I left my case in your care for a moment?”

“O-of course not,” Tina stammered.

And with a wink, Theseus disappeared back down the hall and into Graves’ office.

Graves blinked up at him mildly from over the rim of his cup - full, Theseus noted, when he had just finished one during their chat. 

“Did you forget something?” Graves asked blandly, the faintest hint of concern at the edge of his question, poorly disguised. Theseus waved him off and smiled.

“Nothing of grave importance–”

“–wasn’t funny in the barracks, isn’t funny now,” Graves groaned.

“But my darling brother did want me to pass this along to you, as a thank you for backing his book. As I understand it, you went in on a deal to jump start the publishing until such a time that its proceeds could cover the costs of production and turn profit.”

Graves blinked.

“I did no such–”

“The publishers told us, Percy,” Theseus said, hushing him as he handed over the brown papered parcel. “Take it.”

He watched as the man took the bundle with the slightly flush and gently unwrapped it, muttering all the while that ‘it was the least he could do, considering,’ and whether he meant that in reference to Newt recognizing Grindelwald as an imposter or because Grindelwald tried to execute the man while in his skin, Theseus didn’t know.

What he did know was that he had a small opportunity to set the candle he had behind his back upon the table behind one of Graves’ very few knickknacks and light it before the man would notice. It was a testament to the man’s exhaustion that he didn’t catch Theseus cast the “notice me not” spell upon the little thing, nor the spell that activated the scent within. 

“Percival Graves,” he murmured to direct the spell, and unfortunately that caught the man’s attention.

“Hmm?” he said, fingers just about to open the little book he had been admiring.

“Look for yourself, right inside the cover,” Theseus said quickly, “Special Thanks to Percival Graves.”

Graves flushed a little darker.

“He didn’t have to–”

“–he wanted to. It was a kind gesture you did for my kid brother, Percy. Really helped get the ball rolling for him.”

Graves gently closed the book, a softness in his eyes Theseus hadn’t seen in a long, long time.

“I’m glad I could contribute in some way.”

“Once you read it, do send him a letter. He’d be overjoyed to know you read the blasted thing. Even more so to hear your feedback.”

“Of course,” Graves said. “I’ll try to carve out some time.”

And then he did something that made Theseus smile. He yawned. A long, suffering yawn that put tears in his eyes and made him look twice at his coffee cup.

“Strange…perhaps that was decaf,” he said as he stood, no doubt of a mind to refill it, only to suddenly plop back down in his seat with wide, adorable stunned eyes. 

“You alright there, Percy?” Theseus asked, mock concern as he watched the man’s lids flutter, then jerk open, only to flutter again. He slouched ever so slightly, fingers digging into his arm rests as though to anchor him.

“Theseus, I think I’ve been–”

“Drugged?” Theseus asked, and those brown eyes flicked lightning quick to focus on him. Stunned, betrayed - a little afraid. Something in Theseus winced, but in the face the man’s exhaustion, he found he didn’t regret it. “No, not directly. It’s a candle my brother made. Helps the lighter sleep - or in this case, helps the lighter put someone else to sleep.”

He lifted the tiny, flickering candle to Graves’ gaze.

“Theseus, what the fucking hell?”

“I remember how you used to get during the war, Percy. Used to run yourself ragged. Had to pin you to a bunk or spike your drink to get you to take a wink. It’s not good for you. I thought you had overcome it.”

“I had,” Graves croaked, and he didn’t need to say another word for Theseus to know what had changed. Instead, the redhead merely nodded.

“I’ll stay with you,” Theseus said. “Nothing will happen to you, I swear. Will you let me do that, Percy? Let me watch your back, like I used to?”

And slowly, but all at once, Graves sagged - exhausted, relieved.

“You giant fucking git.”

Theseus smiled, then rounded the desk to sit on its edge beside Graves and lean down to straighten the man’s rumpled tie.

“Wanker,” he said back with a smile, and waited for sleep to take his friend. When it had - when Graves was finally limp in his chair, hair tickling his brow and wrinkles finally slack and smooth as they should be - Theseus gently gathered him up with a softly muttered ‘too fucking light, Merlin's balls’ and disapparated them to the address Graves had been writing to him from these past years. 

He’d collect his luggage later. It’d be safe with the woman that had stolen Newt’s heart. 

[fandomsfeelsandfanfics]

From Overseas/// Newt Scamander x Reader

A/N: Because we all need our fav magizoologist in lives. I do requests so request something you’d like for me to write and I’ll write it. Enjoy!

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   “You’ll write,”you asked. 

   “Of course,”Newt responded. 

   “And you’ve made sure your case is working. I told you, if you want a new one I’ll get it for you.” Newt gave you that familiar smile that you could look at all day. 

   “Yes, I’ve made sure.” Newt pulled you into a hug, wrapping his arms around you protectively. 

   “I’ll miss you,”you whispered in his ear. 

   “I’ll miss you, too.” Newt let go as the boat would be leaving soon, with or without him. Before he could go you grabbed his wrist. 

   “Wait.” You both paused looking at each other. There was so much you wanted to say in that moment. There was so much Newt wanted you to say. You remained quiet. 

   Finally you said,”Sorry, I...just be safe alright?” 

   “I will.” Newt boarded the ship. Soon after the ship took off and you stayed to watch until it was well out of your view.

   You hadn’t expected many letters. Newt was supposed to be going on a quick trip. However, Newt always found himself getting into some big adventure, despite himself. Still Newt never seemed to stay anywhere for too long. 

   You waited expectantly for the first letter. When you heard the faint tap on your window you weren’t at all surprised. Newt had sent you many letters over the years, especially when he was away. You had been sending letters to each other since you went to Hogwarts. 

   It was almost a tradition of Newt’s to have some extravagant exotic bird deliver the letter to you but this time it was something more familiar. When you opened the window a small owl flew into your home. It was Newt’s very first owl, Merlin. 

   Merlin knew your house fairly well from the many times he had been there. You went over to stroke him. Merlin cooed at you. 

   “Hello. Long time no see, huh?” Merlin cooed once more in response. He tilted his head towards you expectantly. “Yeah, I’ve got something for you.” 

   Quickly, you dug around for the owl treats you kept handy. You tossed one his way and he caught it mid-air before landing gently. You grabbed the letter from him and sat down to read it. 

Dear (Y/N),

I’ve literally just arrived. The boat ride was a bit length so I spent a while in my case. I don’t reckon any of the muggles noticed. 

New York is beautiful. Absolutely gorgeous. Quite modern, really. I expected it to be a lot like London, which I suppose it is in a sense but at the same time it’s completely different. It’s quite odd. 

I think you’d love it. You’ll have to come next time. The people here have such hilarious accents. Leta’d love it as well. She’d probably make fun of their accents or something like that. You know how Leta is. 

   You sighed at the mention of Leta. Leta Lestrange, was an awful woman. She had been the closest friend you had besides Newt. She spent all of your years at Hogwarts manipulating you and Newt. It was especially bad for Newt. She led Newt on, knowing how he felt and ended up crushing his heart. Leta was the reason Newt got kicked out of Hogwarts. 

   You weren’t surprised Newt couldn’t forget her. Leta was unforgettable. Leta was gorgeous and funny and clever. Leta was perfect. Despite everything that had happened you knew Newt would never think of you the way he thought of Leta. You pushed these thoughts aside and continued reading. 

Pickett’s really excited. You know how he gets. He’s been scurrying around in my pocket all day. I reckon the rest of the creatures are excited to. They’re stirring in the case. They can probably sense their new surroundings. 

Well, I’ve got to be off. I’ll write again soon, promise. Or at least I’ll try. You must remember not to get too worried if I don’t. 

Love,

Newt

   You sat the letter down and began to write your own. When you finished, you strapped the letter to the owl. 

   “One for the road?” You held up a treat with your eyebrow raised slightly. You came closer to the bird. “Make sure it gets to Newt quick.” You threw the treat into the air and the owl caught it before going soaring out the window. 

   The next letter came almost exactly a day later. It came with large box. When you unraveled the note you immediately noticed that Newt’s handwriting was messier as if he was in a rush. 

Dear (Y/N),

I am in a bit of a problem. Now, before continuing I want to remind you that you don’t have to worry or Apparate over here or something like that. I’m sorting it out, I swear. 

First, the Niffler got out. The little bugger made quite the mess. Then, I got arrested. That’s fine though because the witch who did the arresting (her name’s Tina) doesn’t really have much authority over here. Basically, I was released. 

I muggle (named Jacob) somehow got ahold of my case. Did you know that in America they call muggles “no-maj”s? Aren’t Americans odd? Anyways, while he had my case, a few things got out. 

The witch from before (the one who arrested me) took me and Jacob to her house where she lives with her sister, Queenie. They’re both nice, I suppose. Queenie made us dinner and hot chocolate but I won’t be staying for long. I’ve got to find my creatures. 

Jacob is a baker. I sent along one of his pastries. I thought you’d enjoy that. Now, I’ve got to go but remember don’t worry.

Love,

Newt

   Newt had done things like this before. Get himself in trouble with the law. You had expected it. You knew he never tried to get himself in these situations but somehow he always did. 

   When you wrote your reply, you tried to sound as calm as possible. However, you knew you would be sitting there waiting for his next letter. You had to make sure he hadn't gotten himself locked in Azkaban or wherever they send American wizard criminals.

   The next letter came all together. There were three of them in total. You didn’t know what had prompted him to write all of these. You grabbed the one that was written first. 

   It read:

Dear (Y/N), 

Today I was nearly executed. 

I don’t know what I could possibly say after that sentence. 

Strange things are happening here. Horrible things. There are equally strange things going on with the American wizarding government. There’s something not right here, I know it.

They think all of the things happening is the work of my creatures. They’re to blind to see what’s really going on. The creature that is doing all of these things is an Obscurial. 

You were there with me in Sudan. You were with me when she died. You comforted me. 

When I was on my way to get executed I had hopes of getting out. But there was this one moment. This one single moment, where I thought I would die. One moment where in my mind I thought myself already dead. 

In that moment the only thing I could think about was you. You had always been there for me. Always. You had always been there for me and there I was about to force you to attend my bloody funeral. I am selfish. I am so sorry. 

Love,

Newt

   You didn’t know how but it seemed that in the course of reading that everything around you had gone silent. You couldn’t exactly process everything Newt was telling you. Even though it hadn’t happened you could feel the despair of being that close to losing him. Quickly you forced yourself to move on to the next letter. 

Dear (Y/N),

I found the Obscurial. He was just a boy. He was an orphan named Credence. He’s been abused by his adoptive mother his entire life. I tried. I tried so damn hard. I just couldn’t save him. 

I also caught Grindlewauld, which I suppose is pretty significant. He was disguised as a high ranking MACUSA auror. He’s been taken into custody. He was trying to get Credence on his side. I can only imagine if i had found Credence sooner. If only. 

I’m on my way back. I’ve missed you.

Love,

Newt

Finally you grabbed the last letter.

It read:

Dear (Y/N), 

I almost died. I keep sitting here telling myself it’s alright. I keep telling myself I get in these types of situations all the time but that’s not true. 

Truly, it doesn’t matter that I almost died. What matters is I almost lost you. All I could think about was you. The sound of your laugh, your smile, the way your voice goes slightly higher when you get to the punch line of a joke, the ways your eyes light up like mine when we talk about my creatures, every single thing about you is perfect. 

You’ve been there with me through everything. You’ve put up with me getting myself in trouble and getting myself hurt and chasing after a girl that’s been all wrong for me this entire time. You were there with me when I got everyone of my creatures. You fought for me when I got kicked out of Hogwarts. You were there in Sudan. 

It’s always been you. 

So, I’m coming back to you. And I won’t be leaving until I’ve gotten to tell you all of this in person. I just hope you get these letters on time. 

I’m coming home to you. 

Love, 

Newt

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A/N: THERE WILL BE A PART TWO SO STAY TUNED.

[davemerritt]

Dave...how is your loaf winner this morning?

Two thousand and eighteen. It’s frightening how fast the years seem to be disappearing so quickly, but as always on new years eve (and now new years day) I take time to look back over the last 12 months and all the things that have happened that make me appreciate how lucky I am, even if the months do seem be passing by right in front of my eyes.

So no better place to start than January 2017 and to begin the new year in a traditionally festive fashion I went down to Saint Marys to watch Southampton. I rarely get to go to the football these days, simply down to cost more than anything, but when I do get to go it’s always a joy, even if we lose more than we win. Steve and I also made the most of the gorgeous winter sunshine by walking our way along the Purbeck coast. After completing my runs for charity I’ve still kept up and entered a few events in 2017, but an issue with my foot meant I couldn’t compete at the same level, however in January I dragged my friend Jack out to Pipley Woods in Bath and we took part in the ‘Mud bath’ event which was exactly what you think it was, a rather messy start to the year for running indeed. Back at work we had the pleasure of welcoming Jim Parkyn to the art department for one day to run a workshop. Jim is one of the team behind Aardman’s ‘Shaun the Sheep’ and a wonderful nice chap and the whole day was fantastic. On the social side of things I caught Seaway at the Fleece and went to a Q&A with David Seaman and Lee Dixon that was a great little evening for the Merlin theatre.

The Westway cinema has always had it’s rustic charm and I’ve always been a true believer in supporting it, but it closed it’s doors all of a sudden one day but thanks to a small group of people at S&B cinemas in Burnham the Westway was saved and a conversion took place that saw the cinema split into 3 smaller screens, meaning the building could have a wider variety of movies on offer. Since it reopened in 2017 I’ve been multiple times (twice in the last fortnight just in December) and it is a wonderful asset to the town. There is no pretention, no gimmicks, no ridiculous coffee and no sky-high prices and the town should be forever grateful.  In February Jess was somewhat between jobs as her maternity cover at LTS came to an end and as a way to help pass the time whilst applying for new work she managed to find two little dogs that needed a walker and company during the week. These two little puppers are called ‘Diggory’ and ‘Pippa’ and I got to meet them this month and although Jess now sees them less than she did before, they are still a  lovely part or her life and it’s hard not to fall in love with them if you ever got to meet them. Not too much was going on around my own theatre work at the start of the year but Frome College put on a production of ‘We Will Rock You’ which Steve and I took ourselves along to in support and what a night! Frome really does have some of the most unique and wonderful talent for theatre and shows like WWRY are the perfect celebration of that talent.

At the end of 2017 I was lucky enough to get some photos published in Vintage Life Magazine and in March I finally got hold of my physical copy. Whilst the photos are certainly not my best work, I am extremely pleased with what myself and my model were able to get in such a short time and I am proper proud to see my work in print. Whilst my foot was giving me issues, we got the small group back together and took to the Battle of Lansdown course again to get wet, muddy, cold (oh so very cold) and exhausted whilst having a good laugh. It was brilliant as always and later in the year we had the sister event to conquer. Lucy from work turned 30 in March and had a Disney costume party to celebrate. Jess and I decided to go as 101 Dalmatians with myself taking on the role of ‘Cruellea Dave-Vil’ and Jess the 101st Dalmatian. Jess is so good at doing make up and costumes and I think our idea went down very well.

Heading into April and Spring (probably my favourite season if you’re wondering) Steve, Emma and I (plus Buddy the dog) made the most of the rather warm weather and take a long walk all the way to Nunney, Whatley and back again. I took a week off work in March and Lamb came to visit and so, in true local pride fashion, I took her (and Jess) to Wells to see the Cathedral and City. I left uni 7 years ago and I really don’t see my Solent friends enough, but Laura and I always do try and see each other even, if it should be more regularly, and days like the one we took to Wells are so important. Amy’s Tri Art dance showcase of ‘The Golden Key’ was this month and I was lucky enough to be asked to take photos of the performance. I never really get to see live dance and this was a real treat and a genuinely pleasure to photograph; some of my favourite pictures I took this year were from that show. April was such a busy month in 2017 and regular events such as The Mells daffodil fair were coupled with exciting new celebrations with the wedding of Ben and Becky and a new arrival for my friend Craig after he became the father to a wonderful sweet young man called Fletcher. My Frome FM journey is still very much in full swing and in April we moved into what is now our permanent (and still being improved) new home and the Town Hall, it really is a stunning building and it’s great for FFM to finally feel like it belongs somewhere, especially somewhere that is such an important local landmark to the town.

Slam Dunk. I know I sound like a broken record, but truly May only means one thing and that is the best day of the music calendar for myself. Slam Dunk was another triumphant success and I already have my ticket for this year and it is with a wide smile that the South date has returned to the Saturday and at a new home. Whilst still in Hatfield the event is moving, this is exciting but I really hope the festival doesn’t lose it’s up close and personal feel that makes it so special, only time will tell… So after months and literally hundreds of applications Jess managed to secure a new job last month with the outdoor pursuit wear company ‘Orvis’ and I went to visit her at her store in Bath in May. Jess defied the odds and worked night and day to secure that job and I am beyond proud of her. She is happy and successful in her new job and I can’t tell you how amazing it is to see her land this dream role. It’s also great because I get the chance to buy lots of great practical outdoor wear too. Five months into the year and the boys and I managed to get the first poker game of 2017 up and running, we’ve somewhat dropped the ball on how many games we get together and play but when we do they are always a great night, so here’s hoping to more in 2018. This month I also went to the Cinderella awards (we didn’t take home any trophies but it was a good night) and Jess and I also took Pip and Dig, who were now like members of the family, down to Lyme Regis for the day that was just perfect.

As part of Jess’s new role at Orvis she organises free fly fishing 101 sessions and so in true support I rounded up a couple of good friends and headed over to Bath where a wonderful gentleman named Simon taught us how to cast, all about flies and other skills in fly fishing, it was brilliant and we all had a blast. My first Merlin challenge of the year came in the form of our 24-hour production that was ‘Soho Cinders’. This was a hard process but another great success for the theatre and just means that yet again we’ve set our own bar to meet with future shows. Jess has become quite the keen Muay Thai boxer and in June she took part in a boxing demonstration at the Bath Thai festival. This was a really great day but the event was on the hottest day of the year, so hot in fact that jess and the other boxers came away with blisters where the floor of the ring was so hot. Yet again though Jess did herself proud and put on a great display for young and old. A couple of party’s took place in June too where we celebrated Amy’s birthday as well as Martin’s surprise party at the Grain where we were treated to an up close show from up and coming band ‘Bad Sounds’, they’ve gone on the great things and looking at a very good future in 2018.

Despite a pretty miserable end of summer, we were treated to some scorching weather at the start of the season. To start the month of July though we celebrated Jess’s birthday and did so by going to Airhop (please go if you haven’t before, and take me and let’s play dodgeball) and then watching Despicable Me 3. I think it’s important to have a very serious and mature set of celebrations and I think Jess would agree. I had a little job in July taking photographs at the Writhlington Sports Awards evening which was actually really good fun and quite inspiring too, on the way home though I had my first ever flat tyre, but to my luck Roxy who was with me stepped up and despite being dressed all snazzy (I had a white shirt on, this was note the time to change a tyre) assisted in getting the damn thing changed. We also had the good fortune of a kind Samaritan passing who was a mechanic who offered to save us getting dirt on our finery and put Alice’s spare on, a very kind gentleman indeed and full praise to Roxy too. I’m really lucky to have the best friends surrounding me and in July a few of us took a day trip down to Portsmouth whilst the sun was still on our side and had a bit of blast on the coast. I got up to so much in July on the weekends so here goes a quick (this won’t be quick) round up; Firstly Anne encouraged myself and a few others, including Simon and Steve, to take part in the Frome Fashion Show. This might actually be one of the best things I did this year, as we (with full on nerves) strutted our stuff down the catwalk. I never thought I’d do something like that ever and all I can say now is that I can’t wait to do it again this year (if Anne will have me). Secondly The Rood Rampage, sister event to The Battle of Lansdown, took place and the same group who had beaten TBOL got even muddier and wetter running around, and through, Rood Ashton Lake. The Rampage might actually be the best running event I’ve ever taken part in and despite it falling on the same day as the Frome 10k I will 100% run it again this year, and hope that my team will join me once again. Next this month Jess, Sarah and my sister went to F.R.I.E.N.D.S fest in Cardiff which was good fun and also Steve and I took ourselves off to the Breacon Beacons for the day, which was good fun but the wettest day of the year, the rain though did mean that when we found Henrhyd Falls it was in full flow and so impressive. A real treat for Frome this summer saw Michael McIntyre come to the Merlin stage and perform a work in progress show, I was lucky enough to be in the front row and it was a very special evening indeed. Finally, in July I decided to go for my first ever audition and try for a part in ‘The Vicar of Dibley’. I was fortunate enough to land the role of ‘Hugo’ and can’t wait to take to the stage in my first piece of theatre outside of a musical.

The Kairos show of ‘It Shoulda Been You’ was starting to get real in August as we only had a matter of weeks before we had to put this show in front of an audience. It had been a great journey so far and there wasn’t long at all to go. Anyway, in August I had a couple weeks off work as the college wound down for the summer and whilst it’s lovely to shut down, I get massive cabin fever, so this year I decided I would fill my days as best as possible, so days out this year included a trip to Old Wardour castle, the Durdle Door, Dyrham park and a real highlight was the day I took myself to the Bombay Sapphire Distillery in Hampshire which was a great day out and for anyone that likes gin as much as I do, you should definitely go and treat yourself to a little hour or so there. In August there was a good meteor shower promised, and so, myself and a bunch of great friends braved the cloudy looking weather and took ourselves up to the top of Cley hill in the hope we might see something, and in true perseverance we did and it was a great evening. Great things in the town this month were the annual comic con and Ash taking to the stage at the Cheese & Grain. Jess’s new job role was in full swing and she had to travel to Scotland this month for work and whilst she did I had my troublesome foot seen to and therefore couldn’t wear any shoes for a few days, so whilst I felt sorry for myself she was off earning the beans in Banchory. August also saw the youth production of ‘Les Miserables’ at the Merlin and I cannot even express into words how good this show was, it was a showcase of pure youth talent and ultimately moving and breath taking from the young people of Frome. Another real highlight in August though was a little holiday we took with Jess’s family down to the south coast. We stayed in an air BNB on this beautiful old farm and we held a family sports day, went to the beach and they even threw me a little surprise early birthday party, speaking of which…

I turned 30 this year. 30. Now I know that’s not old, but my word it’s weird. It’s weird to still feel like I’m 22 and living the dream at uni with not a care in the world and my whole future ahead of me, but actually now I’ve hit this milestone I might not have the kids I thought I would or own a mansion and drive an Aston Martin, but you know what? I’m a very happy man, with a beautiful girlfriend, a bizarre and wonderful little cat, the best job, a fantastic life full of fun, music, theatre, football and th best friends you could ever imagine. Annual events in September of course were the cheese show and the carnival, but the biggest thing to happen this month was that we were to open ISBY at Cooper Hall and what a pleasure this was. The show got funnier every time we performed it, the music was wonderful, the venue stunning, the (sell out) audiences fantastic and I fell a little bit in love with Albert. I truly can’t get enough of the Kairos theatre group and can’t wait to see what we do next, but you’ll have to wait until 2019 to find out what that is. September is also the start of the new term at work and, as you all know, my job is one of the best things in my life and I’ve felt I’ve always evolved within work and been given exciting and new challenges and this year was no different as I was given more teaching responsibilities, this has been incredibly demanding but I am loving every second and get the chance to work with some of the best young artists, a true pleasure.

The next big Merlin challenge came in October as the autumn production of ‘Guys & Dolls’ came to the Merlin. Now we don’t often tackle a classic musical, but Director Daisy really did a marvellous job of making this show come alive. It may have been the most draining and demanding show I’ve ever worked on, but the result spoke for itself and again, The Merlin can be proud of the people that give countless hours to keep the theatre alive. This month I also got my first taste of golf again for the first time since Frome shut it’s gates, as Mr Hynds took me to Orchadleigh’s driving range, which led to a full round in November. A great gig this month was the chance to see The Rocket Summer at the Fleece where Bryce played the whole of ‘Do you Feel’ in full. For Halloween this year too, I decided to go to the party as Alan Partridge in full ‘Zombie’ wear. Nobody actually got the costume, but I was pretty pleased with myself.

4 years I’ve been lucky enough to be with Jess and to celebrate Jess booked us a nice weekend away across the border in Wiltshire visit the STEAM museum and getting outside over a lovely hill fort. If there’s one thing that tells you someone’s a keeper it’s that they get that you’ll love a trip up a grassy knoll and around a museum all about trains. As said last month I tried the driving range and in November I played my first round of golf in an age. I was a touch rusty to say the least, but it was brilliant to get back out on the course. This month saw the rehearsal process for The Vicar of Dibley pick up pace as well as a great gig at the Komedia in Bath to see Deaf Havana on their tour of ‘All These Countless Nights’.

So December. My last gig of the year was a trip back to one of my favourite venues, the Joiner sin Southampton to see Ryan Key of Yellowcard perform a solo show as well as a band new to myself, Normandie, play a great set. The main reason to be there though was to see Grumble Bee, a wicked solo project from the nicest man called Jack, I implore you to check him out and I’m sure you’ll like his music. Outside of the usual Christmas antics, December saw a nice birthday night out for Davey, Jason Manford took to the Grain stage in what was probably the best stand up I’ve seen live and I went to my first professional panto to see Aladdin at the Hippodrome in Bristol. December also always means the Christmas musical at my second home of the Merlin and this year we put on another original script in the form of ‘Hansel & Gretel’. It was a fantastic show and yet again there were some really unique set pieces and outstanding performances, including some beautiful contemporary dance from Amy’s Tri Art performances, that despite being so young, put on some stunning examples of live dance theatre that many in the audience would never have seen before, the future really is bright for the young cast and performers of the Merlin Theatre trust me, names like Patrick Withey, Conny Hunter, Georgie Rose, Cordelia Tarbrooke and Dylan Berry (to name only but a few) are sure to be regular features in our programmes and who knows, the West End some day…

It’s safe to say that 2017 has been a blast. I’ve done some wonderful things and have so much to be thankful for. I’m loving still being part of Frome FM, I spend most of my days giving all I can for the Merlin, I’m enjoying my football again as we’ve moved away from the horror that is the pitch at the Frome sports centre and I’m still loving my work. 2018 has a lot to compete with but there are still lots to look forward to.  I’ll start the year the same way and go and see Seaway live, with lots of other gigs including, Don Broco, Lower than Atlantis, Tonight Alive, With Confidence, The Gospel Youth and of course Slam Dunk coupled with tickets to go to a night with Brian Blessed too. For Christmas Brillo got the family tickets to Harry Potter and the Cursed Child and I’ve got lots of things from the Merlin to work on including opening The Vicar of Dibley in February and I can’t wait to see ‘Saviour by the Amethyst’. Personally I’d like to take myself to the Edinburgh Festival this year, compete in a stack of running races and get as many little breaks away with Jess as I can. I’ve had a great year and I can’t wait to see what this one brings, so right now I’m going to finish watching the PDC darts final (come on Cross!) and bid you all a very happy new year

//

Album of the Year // Deaf Havana – All these Countless Nights (It’s a masterpiece)

Movie of the Year // Star Wars: The Last Jedi (Other highlights included Get Out, Lego batman and The Greatest Showman

Game of the Year: Tom Clancy’s: Ghost Recon Wildlands. Not the most polished of games, but a total blast none the less

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