#more where this came from.

[astridianmayfly]

why is there a SNORLAX in the ARCHIVES

Summary: Jon doesn’t know what a Pokémon is, and he’s far too busy with these damn performance reviews to find out. 

His assistants have other plans.

on AO3

---

15 minutes before Jon’s due to have his very first performance review with Tim, he’s crawling through WikiHow in a desperate attempt to figure out ‘how to give advice to someone older than you without sounding condescending?’ All it’s giving him, incidentally, are articles such as ‘ How to Deal with A Condescending Boss. ’ That’s concerning. He hopes Tim doesn’t share his sources.

He wouldn’t, though. Probably. Jon is a very good researcher.

Tim is too, of course. Jon’s always prided himself on his near obsessive work ethic when it came to cases–one that Tim just didn’t seem to share. Tim does normal people things, like make friends.

Once he’d expressed this to Sasha. Not that his research was objectively superior to Tim’s (Lord, she’d rat him out five seconds flat), but that “ha-ha, gotta love that #relatable moment when you focus on something so intently for six hours that you forgo all your bodily functions!” She didn’t exactly look at him blankly , but she very kindly and very gently asked him if he’d ever discussed ADHD with a doctor.

Jon had given her an out-of-character thumbs up.

Jon has no idea what ADHD is. Absolutely Delightful Human Dear? Whatever. It’s probably one of those ‘memes’ Tim was always roping everyone else into. Likely some ridiculous Twitter trend that involved hashtagging nonsensical acronyms. The other day during their lunch break, Martin announced that he was the “DUFF of the Archival Assistants” (whatever that was), and Tim and Sasha started refuting the declaration immediately.

Jon liked to watch Martin being berated as much as the next person, but he’d just retreated back into his lair the minute this debate started. See, he had very important work to catch up on. Like his personal research into red salamanders (Jon had been taking meticulous notes on the Plethodontidae family for the better part of a month now.) It was not something an ‘ADHD’ would do. Probably.

He’d been so lost in thought about salamanders that Jon notices it’s already 15:20. Shit. He hasn’t even memorized this article yet.

Tim shows up at 15:22, hand-wavingly punctual, with a bright, “How’ve you been, Boss?”

Jon puts on his glasses to disguise his unpreparedness, as if Clark Kent was also a sexy-in-a-librarian-rat kind of way. (And owned a glasses chain.) “You saw me this morning, Tim.”

Tim pulls out a chair and snorts. “Yeah, uh, that was a whole three hours ago! How could I possibly know what goes on in the secret life of Jonathan Sims?” He furrows his brow while plopping down (with the back of the chair facing Jon. Tim straddles the seat–naturally). “By the way…why did we see you running to the break room this morning?”

“Poor circulation. Now, if you’d like to get this over with?” Jon stares him down.

Tim just smiles back, amicable as ever. “Aye-aye Cap’n.”

Jon’s just about to pull up the color-coded spreadsheet he’d created so that these reviews went off without a hitch (he hadn’t started Martin’s yet, but he could probably draw it out on the extra piece of tea-stained, crumpled-up loose leaf lying under his desk) when Jon hears an unmistakable bzzt.

Tim raises his phone and immediately goes ashen. Suddenly, Tim stands up so fast that he knocks his chair down. He starts making a mad break for the door, eyes still glued to his home screen. In the process, he trips over the legs of his fallen chair. It doesn’t even slow him down–already halfway on the ground, Tim’s suddenly on all fours and bounding towards his escape like a rabid dog or wolf or something. He doesn’t even open the door with his hands, instead opting to headbutt the frosted glass with an entirely animalistic grunt.

As Tim tears out of his office, Jon doesn’t even get up from his desk. He just watches the whole scene unfold, his jaw hanging open.

The sound of laughter and screaming (???) startles Jon out of his paralysis. When he pokes his head out of his doorway, he sees that Tim is literally galloping towards the Archive bathrooms.

“Good Lord, Tim! What is the meaning of–”

Tim’s already turning the corner. “Sorry, Boss! There’s a SNORLAX! In the ARCHIVES!”

Okay. (A Snorlax?) That was…well.

Jon takes a deep breath and tries to regain his composure. Tim was guilty by reason of insanity, but…Jon stomps over to his assistant’s accomplices. Martin and Sasha are still sitting at their desks. Martin’s head is bowed–Jon can’t see his expression. Sasha looks him in the eye, face as placid as ever, but her lips are slightly pursed and her eyes are…watering?

This disrespect had gone on for far too long. “Why is there a ‘Snorlax’ in the Archives?!?!” He demands.

That’s what does it. Martin’s head falls into his keyboard, his shoulders vibrating with growing laughter. Sasha tries her best to hold it in, and fails: she lets out a loud wheeze and joins Martin in their mockery of Jon’s honor.

At that exact moment, the sound of a stampede comes from the ceiling.

There's a pause, and then the floodgates open.

Everyone, everyone, is running unencumbered into the archives. They hold their phones in front of them like beacons, a crazed, manic look in their eyes.

Jon's a little disturbed. This must be what it's like to watch himself in his element. He watches Rosie and David and Sonja and Arden and John A. John X. and John D. and John H. and Michael L. and Michael S. and Michael C. and Michael P. and a bunch of other people he doesn't know. Interrupting his workday! God forbid. They start wandering in between shelves, tripping over loose statements on the ground, and--my God, did Emma just get a staple in her foot?

Sigh...Maybe Jon's flights of fancy and general behaviors do have an affect on those who surround him. Maybe they can be as disruptive as...this.

A disembodied voice comes from the bathrooms. “Guys, guys! I caught it!!!”

[nicktoonsunite]

misc NU doodles part tres

last comic is based off off my nasb 2 clip

[ato-dato]

Aziracrow Vinylatte reverse AU???? Yes.

[stevenrogered]

RED, WHITE & ROYAL BLUE ↳book > screen “Baby.” It’s become a thing: baby. He’s knows it’s become a thing. He’s slipped up and accidentally said it a few times, and each time, Henry positively melts.

- - - - - - -

“Hello?” It’s Henry’s voice, sweet and posh and shaky and confused, and relief knocks the wind out of him.

He hears Henry’s exhale over the line. “Hi, love. Are you okay?”

He laughs wetly, amazed. “Are you kidding me? I’m fine, I’m fine. Are you okay?”

“Just hold on until I get there, we’re gonna figure this out.” “I will.” “I’m coming. I’ll be there soon.”

Henry exhales a wet, broken laugh. “Please, do hurry.”

[redthemarten]

Press F for the guy who just dug his own grave

[densitywell]

spent like an hour trying to find a post abt the disparity of origin companion's content in bg3 and couldn't so, hey, this fucking sucks

[windwenn]

He's so strange and offputting (I want him carnally)

[danidoodels]

wowie tysm for the love in my first post! Have some jason todd as a treat<3 expect more doodles from me of this funky man

[soapyakships]

knmf white day ruined my life

[palmviolet]

I know who I am. And after all these years, there's a victory in that. ↳ Matthew McConaughey as Rustin Cohle in TRUE DETECTIVE season 01 (2014)

[soarrenbluejay]

Supervillains for a community. (Well, except those jerks over in Gotham, insular lot, but they’re they’re one problem) Of course they do- supervillains are a group defined by strong opinions and a willingness to see them through, often with a healthy dash of societal failures and trauma as a catalyst.

The fentons, while not active even on the online message boards, are well known and explosive when they do show up, full of fascinating insights and hours long rants on mad science on hair pin turns courtesy of that ADHD attention span. Bit of the cryptids you feel honored to bump into kind of deal. Besides, like a good quarter of the community as it aged, they’d settled down and had kids (not necessarily in that order) and taken it very seriously! Out in the middle of nowhere, where even the most fearsome government outpost members, the local branch of the IRS, quake before them in fear. Out of the way.

Reveal gone okay-ish, Danny moves to Gotham still to get some air bc now things are Akward and he landed that engineering scholarship which is loads better than any other college would give him with his track record. So- the mysterious Fenton children are finally crawling out of hiding! Everyone is psyched! And roll in to Gotham en masse to witness the fireworks!

Except Danny is Determined To Be Normal. He’s had enough of the throwing himself into harms way shit for a lifetime- he wants to be free to peacefully built Rube Goldberg machines and unintentional increasingly complex bombs to his hearts content. JAZZ, on the other hand- the coveted token Normal One, has finally snapped! She’s watched her baby brother she practically raised throw himself into danger over and over and could do nothing, and now that she’s exposed to this whole network of superheroes outside of small town Amnity, some of those uglier emotions are coming out. And boy is she pissed! And can’t afford to show it much while filing the paperwork to have Arkham legally razed to the ground!

See I love this idea of like, niches in superhero society. A villain the heroes know they can plop their kiddo down with for an exciting afternoon brawl while they take care of a particularly grisly case and come back to a few hours later ranting about some new life lesson and a new move they really want to try. A villain who has a functioning moral compass despite their somewhat batshit long term goal and you can contact to fuck with another villains’s plan so they can laugh at them and you can have an easy afternoon. One who pries up hostile architecture and fills in pot holes, idk man. Get creative here, there’s such potential!

So Jazz becomes a Training villain- someone the heroes know their sidekicks will walk away from in a fight 100% of the time, usually with some new lesson to ponder and only a couple of bruises. Sometimes even snacks!

She also absolutely ambushes mentors to check that they’re worth the kiddo, which they appreciate once they get over being jumped in a dark alley by a 7 foot Amazon trained force of nature. They are not used to being on that side of the jumping, it’s a little unnerving.

(Yes, she low key adopts Shazam upon checking in with him on cursory ‘is the main hero of this city and asshole’ checkin. Yes, the super clones get yoinked out from under Superman’s negligent thumb to go have a blast with Ellie. What about it?)

This however only encourages more assorted weirdos to crawl out of the woodwork. It’s not often one of their own forfeits their potential spot for the running of the coveted Most Normal I Swear prize, but when they do it’s bound to be good! But jazz is off hounding various heroes and punching the faces in of pedophiles and shit whenever there’s no cape within easy reach, and so is a mite bit harder to contact than Danny, who has innocently gotten an apprenticeship under a clockworker for access to their workshop and is gleefully going about doing nerdy shit with great abandon.

Plus this is Gotham. No one gives a shit if someone in the Mad Alchemist uniform and still smoking from their latest experiment pokes their head in a window to bother the local shrimp teen- none of the usual social rules apply, everyone’s crazy here! So everyone drops any and all attempts at masking and just acts their genuine unhinged selves, much to the alarm of the Bats and frustration of Danny.

Bc he cannot get these mfers to go. Away. Even liberal use of the creep stick has little effect when the interloper is calibrated for an opponent with super speed or laser vision or whatever, and he’s trying to maintain his guise as a Normal College Student Do No Investigate.

So he calls in the big guns. He’s not super active in the supervillain kids group chat ever since things in amnity calmed the fuck down post becoming King and then immediately using a loophole that says he will not take the throne until he is grown, as defined by finishing learning his trade a la the medieval standards Pariah set up. So he can just take his sweet ass time with his graduate degree and out of inter dimensional bull shit that much longer! Point is, he hasn’t taken the chance to rant over there in a while, so his Crazy friends are getting a lil worried.

The change to come over and shout at their batshit crazy but (mostly) well meaning parent AND see Danny? Score!

The bats, however, are getting awfully suspicious about this one kid that villains from all over the country are flocking to, especially young and upcoming ones as of recently! And he’s acting his engineering course- all the worst rogues are known to have flown through their PhD studies prior to Cracking. They seem to have a real problem on their hands with this Fenton guy.

[glitterslag]

I have to meme him or else I'll die

[myfairkatiecat]

I feel like Lucy Gray’s fashion sense had an influence on the Capitol. It’s mentioned in the book that she’s wearing makeup, which is notable to Coriolanus and he wonders where she got it from since it was barely becoming accessible again in the Capitol. In the movie one of his classmates mocks what she is wearing, asking if she thinks she’s a clown. It isn’t common to dress like her, but she owns her own style and the Capitol LOVES her. Coriolanus, as he tries to get sponsors for her, makes the case that since she is Covey perhaps she isn’t really district at all, in fact she’s really more Capitol than anything… and perhaps it rubbed off. Perhaps her sense of extra-ness, her fun makeup even at the reaping, her colorful dress at a dark occasion….perhaps that’s one part of her legacy that never truly goes away, even when the name of Lucy Gray Baird is erased from the memories of the people of Panem.

[beverage2000]

[sergle]

can we have a sample gandalf pic. maybe to incentivize you keeping the outfit. just a little something

okay ukw? do you know what. yeah sure.

ONE(1) GANDALF BIG NATURALS PHOTO SAMPLE COMING UP

[conscydraws]

My first 15 hours in Death Stranding