#my don't starve hyperfixation never ends

[hurtspideyparker]

Tony hyperfixating on his work for hours on end, not feeling his dehydration headache, starving stomach cramps, painful sleepiness and eye strain, dizziness and other ailments until someone snaps him out of his focus and then all feeling comes rushing back to his body

Tony: OH GOD, WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?

Steve: Do WHAT, you've been going for 11 hours, you need a break!

Tony: I'm in so much pain. I don't want to exist. I don't want to be here. Why oh why have you forsaken me

Steve: This is not my fault—

Tony: I will never forgive you for this.

[cabotwife]

Helloooo thank you for all the Johanna fics. The hyperfixation is hyperfixating.

I was thinking maybe modern au where they are roommates :D

Look Who's Inside Again

johanna mason x fem!reader (modern au)

warnings: idk,, not proofread, au/untraumatized johanna

word count: idk i didnt use docs this time💔💔

a/n: sorry if there's mistakes,, wrote this at work on my phone instead of on my laptop at home.....

you're brushing your teeth when johanna walks in, wearing nothing but a towel, and you swear she does it on purpose. the way she moves, like she owns the space, like she owns your attention—it's infuriating. and it works every time.

"i'm out of toothpaste," she says, voice flat. she leans against the doorframe like it's a throne, one eyebrow raised, her short hair still wet from the shower.

"use mine," you mumble, mouth full of foam.

she grins. not sweet, not shy. johanna mason doesn't do shy. "how generous of you."

she walks past you, her bare shoulder brushing yours like it's nothing, and you try not to look, but of course, you look. you've been doing this dance for months now—roommates, best friends (sort of), and something else that neither of you names. you'd call it tension if it didn't already feel like gravity.

you met last fall when your craigslist ad looking for a roommate got exactly one response. her. she'd shown up in combat boots and a denim jacket and said, "i'm not clean, but I don't leave food out. that good enough?" and for some stupid reason, it was.

she's chaos. you color-code your planner, and she writes appointments on her hand in sharpie. you grocery shop every sunday; she eats cereal from the box and steals your oat milk. but she made you laugh when you forgot how. and when you wake up from a nightmare, she's the one sitting on the edge of your bed, wordless, just there.

she flosses with a strand of your embroidery thread. "you really should lock the bathroom door if you're shy."

"i'm not shy."

she looks at you through the mirror, eyes dark, unreadable. "sure you're not."

you try not to think about it as you leave for work. try not to think about the towel, or her smirk, or the way she always gets the last word.

---

you come home late, grocery bag cutting into your wrist, and find her asleep on the couch, legs draped over the armrest, a rerun of some true crime show playing at low volume. she looks soft like this. not something you'd ever say to her face. her jaw slack, hair flopped into her eyes, hands tucked beneath her cheek.

you set the groceries down quietly. you watch her for a second longer than you should.

"take a picture, it'll last longer," she murmurs without opening her eyes.

you roll yours. "you talk in your sleep now?"

"nope. just know when you're staring."

you grab the remote and flick the tv off. "get up. i bought dinner."

she stretches like a cat and doesn’t move. "what kind?"

"thai."

she’s up in a heartbeat. you sit on opposite ends of the couch, sharing spring rolls and pad see ew from the same cartons. she eats like she’s starving. you’ve never seen her do anything halfway.

"you’re too nice," she says around a mouthful.

"for buying dinner?"

"for putting up with me."

you glance at her. her face is unreadable again, only this time there's something just under the surface. like maybe she means it.

"you’re not so bad."

she snorts. "don’t lie."

you aren't.

---

it’s the middle of february when you find her crying in the hallway. not sobbing. not loud. just her back against the wall, fists clenched, eyes red.

you sit beside her and don’t ask. you don’t have to. you’ve seen her hold it together like a dam built out of twigs, and sometimes all it takes is one thing to break it.

you offer your hand. she eventually takes it, like it costs her something.

"i'm fine," she says.

"i know."

she leans into your shoulder, and for once, she lets you hold her.

---

march comes with rain that won't stop. one night, the power goes out. you light candles. she makes fun of you for being romantic.

"shut up," you say.

she raises an eyebrow. "make me."

and just like that, the air changes.

you could blame the flickering light, or the way the storm howls outside, or the fact that you've been toeing this line for too long. but you don’t. because the truth is, it’s her. it’s always been her.

she kisses you like she's been waiting. like she's dared herself a hundred times and finally jumped.

your hands find her waist. hers are in your hair. you don’t stop. you don’t want to.

later, wrapped up in each other under a shared blanket, you say, "what now?"

she doesn't look at you when she answers. "now you get to decide if you're still okay with putting up with me."

you kiss her shoulder. "i've already decided."

[babybambi-x]

when people joke about autism but they don't have to spend every evening debating if they were too much or too little that day

when people joke about autism but they ve never been so burnt out their education got set back an entire year

when people joke about autism but they cạn go to clubs and bars and concerts without having a panic attack and leaving before you make real memories

when people joke about autism but they don't get being 19 at age 9 and being 9 at age 19

when people joke about autism but they've never cried so hard they can't breathe because they know life is stuck this way forever

when people joke about autism but they don't get how one person mis-interpreting your intentions makes you spin out about how everyone sees you

when people joke about autism but suddenly its not funny when my parents restrained me as a kid during meltdowns so i wouldn't hurt myself and them

when people joke about autism but they've never felt all your new friends slip away as you finally start to be yourself around them

when people joke about autism but they didn't grow up getting called a 'neek' and a 'teachers pet' just because i never got the memo that trying to study would jeporadize any chance at being taken seriously by my peers

when people joke about autism but they've never had to deal with raging friends after you cancel plans because they don't understand that being around you while you're so burnt out would change how they see you forever

when people joke about autism but they don't get how much of an alien i feel amongst people my age. i'm either alone and myself or working tirelessly to convince people i'm one of them

when people joke about autism but they don't get how empty you feel when a hyperfixation leaves you and you realise you really are just whatever thing you're obsessed with

when people joke about autism but they aren't so hyper-aware of every feeling in their body that sometimes they think too much about breathing and find themselves blue in the lips

when people joke about autism but they don't understand how it feels to spiral out of control thinking everyone hates you because your rejection-sensitivity took one face they made or one word they said and ran

when people joke about autism but they don't get the crisis i had as a kid after coming out of a meltdown, hating myself and not understanding what happened because i swear i'm a good kid

when people joke about autism but they've never been glued to their bed because they can't do what they need to in the order their brain will allow them

when people joke about autism but they can sleep easy because they aren't hearing their hearbeat or the rustle against the sheets as you breathe

when people joke about autism but they never feel like their life is already wasted with a mind like this, knowing theres so much you just can't do, feeling like you're missing your one shot at a human existence

when people joke about autism but they don't get how i can't wear anything with a high neck because it feels like my throat will close up and i might die

when people joke about autism but they don't get that i could spend all night writing these and still not scratch the surface

when someone jokes about being autistic but they've never starved themselves for hours on end because the thought of putting food in their mouth makes them feel sick

When someone jokes about being autistic but they've never had to stop doing things they love because they mentally can't cope with how overwhelming it is

when someone jokes about being autistic but they ve never experienced what it's like for everyone to perceive you as some genius or a 3 year old

when someone jokes about being autistic but they're not 7 times more likely to die by suicide.

when someone jokes about being autistic but they've never experienced what it's like to be in burnout and loose basic skills like forming a full sentence

whien someone jokes about being autistic but they don't have to accept the fact that they'll be a social outcast for the rest of their lives

when someone jokes about being autistic but they've never experienced what it's like to be so happy yet so suicidal because no matter how good life is it's always going to be overwhelming for them and the only escape is death

[haine-kleine]

as someone who has been playing mysme since the release and developed a hyperfixation as soon as i first laid eyes on the edgy mysterious twink, i just want to say how annoying i find the soft retcon of Saeran's redesign.

the deal with his eye colour and hair colour has never been explained throughout the 9 years of the game's existence so the fandom developed their own crazy theories about the elixir genetically changing his appearance, which i was sure was fanon bullshit up until the Ray After Ending release.

and you know what, okay, him still looking like Ray/Unknown/Evil!Saeran in the AE might be chalked down to very little time passing since he was rescued from the cult. what i find more annoying is the new official arts consistently depicting him with the white hair in what is clearly intended as post-canon content. do they really think we won't be able to tell the twins apart if they both had red hair???

just look at the 707 AE Saeran. what a beautiful little tomato. the red hair is such a clear and natural sign of him accepting both himself and Saeyoung and healing from the years of brainwashing and hatred.

does the red colour clash with his pale skin? maybe, a little. but should you really pick aesthetics over essence when you are writing a story about IDENTICAL TWINS? a story where you have already defined the white haired, ghostly look as an unhealthy state of the character whose happy ending is about accepting his past and reuniting with his twin brother, whom he had been brainwashed to hate by the designated Evil Manipulating Story Villain?

in the originally released After Story for Saeran, following 707's route good ending, he looks like a washed out, unhealthily pale copy of Saeyoung. he is meant to look a little off-putting, because that's the literal visual depiction of his physical and mental state, which was amazing writing!

this is the healthy, default state of both characters, because they are identical twins. it was their separation that had started the tragic backstory for both Saeran and 707. on top of lying to the boys and forcibly separating them for no real reason other than Evulz™, Rika had altered Saeran's physical appearance, erasing all physical likeness to Saeyoung that she could. it doesn't really matter whether she had convinced Saeran that it would be safer for him to look different, if she had asked him to dye his hair and start wearing colored contacts or if she had painstakingly developed a chemical formula that would permanently change his eye and hair colour, as ridiculous as that particular theory is, the point is that looking the way Unknown does would certainly be associated by Saeran as a very dark place in his life. that would be the time when he had less agency over himself than he ever did, and we are talking about a person who was often physically restricted, starved and deprived of water by their primary caretaker since they were a child. other than MC in the Ray route, Saeyoung would be the only person who had ever cared about him since he was born, and Rika manipulating him into despising his brother, from Saeran's point of view after he learns the truth and has the time and safe space to self-reflect would be especially cruel. Saeran is naturally a very affectionate and loyal to a fault person, who is extremely insecure and believes he doesn't have anything else to offer to the person he cares about other than his loyalty.

for this reason, i firmly believe that whatever is the actual reason behind his hair and eye colour, Saeran absolutely would dye his hair red if anything just to show Saeyoung physical evidence of his forgiveness. my headcanon is that even if his hair does keep naturally growing out white, he would dye it for the rest of his life, so that his past as Rika's brainwashed lapdog can be left behind him, instead of buried in the nearest mirror.

for his eye colour situation, i still don't believe the colour was permanently changed, unless Rika was fucked up enough to make him go through a surgery treatment for that, but this is an angsty scenario for another day. my interpretation is that both twins have horrible eyesight from staring into phone and computer screens for 75% of their waking time, but unlike Saeyoung who had bitten the bullet and accepted he is blind without having glasses on, Saeran had started wearing colored contacts with prescription. considering this change had happened while under Rika's care, it's pretty obvious she would be the one to buy him the contacts, so the 'mint eye' fits the whole idea. this leaves several new points for interpretation though. first, Rika is the one who taught both twins to hack, so i am choosing to believe miss girl also has terrible eyesight but wears eye contacts because she is obsessed with always looking her absolute best and avoids touching glasses for this reason. Saeyoung's glasses being a fashion statement (as goofy as they may be) aside, knowing how awful Saeran was at taking care of himself while living in the cult, i am absolutely sure the 'damn bitch you live like this?' boy may have kept forgetting to take his contacts out before sleep but would keep pushing against the irritation and eye tiredness, because it would never occur to him to just. buy a pair of glasses.

which is how we end up with this scenario.

knowing the Choi twins' particular brand of soap opera drama, the whole thing would boil down to a misunderstanding. Saeran, who had never been taught actual self-care skills because all of his caretakers were either intent on murdering him, never learned these skills themselves, or some combination of both, would just keep wearing his old colored contacts even past the expiration date, because there is no Rika to order him a new pair and because it never occurs to him that his bad eyesight can be helped with clear contacts or a pair of glasses. Saeyoung, who is still a dedicated expert at self-loathing, would interpret Saeran's continued use of the mint colored contacts as yet another way to show him how much he hates him, refusing to share an eye colour with his twin unless he is asleep. the misunderstanding would continue on and on without either mentioning anything until Saeran's eyes are going red and he can't blink without crying so Saeyoung rushes him to an ophthalmologist and then MC bonks both of them over the head for their shared refusal to mention anything.

on a less related note but since i am writing a whole essay bitching about character design, let me once again mention Ray's route redesign. what was even the reason oh my god. he was already perfectly fine as Unknown. he is still Saeyoung's identical twin, why give him the huge moe anime girl eyes? i see the dedication to woobifying him as much as possible, but he was already Mr Woobie Worldwide as kid!Saeran, like??

look at this absolute ray of sunshine (ha). i promise we won't care for him any less if his eyes aren't twice are huge as his tsundere twin brother.

look at these pictures and tell me they didn't give my poor man a whole cosmetic surgery while preparing him for the Ray route. the game was never famous for their consistent art style, but at the very least, looking at the old art, you could tell the two characters were clearly intended as identical twins, when put side by side. from the Ray route onwards, Saeran is consistently depicted as Saeyoung's uwu bug eyed cutie little bwother :3

the one thing i do like about the chronological progression of his character design is the pipeline from Ray/Evil!Saeran to Unknown. since more time has passed in the main route, there are telling signs that Rika is not as controlling of Saeran as she was two years ago. this is starkly highlighted by her abandoning him/forcing him out of the cult in one of Yoosung's bad endings, but also pretty prominent in his physical appearance. Ray still believed himself to be ugly, but he was putting consistent effort into his appearance, in both identities. his hair is perfectly bleached and brushed, he is wearing those formal attires, even the Saeran identity is running around spreading mayhem in a perfectly tailored and ironed black suit.

two years later, Saeran is going on his infiltration missions in a leather jacket cuntily leaning off his tattooed shoulder (which i am 85% sure was his own idea that Rika wasn't involved in) with studded bracelets and leather chokers. knowing what we know of Rika, it's very hard for me to imagine her approving of this kind of style lmao. his hair is also in a much worse condition, having not seen brush in ages and not even wild in the style Ray route!Saeran's was or Saeyoung's naturally is, slightly longer, visibly damaged. the bleach job is a mess, leaving him with the famous pink tips that Ray was clearly missing.

the one thing i hate however is that in V's after ending, where he supposedly rescues Saeran and miraculously takes such a good care of him that it works better than therapy... his hair is still fucking white. this version of Saeran wanted to reunite with his brother more than any others did, and had more time to himself after being rescued from Mint Eye, and for some reason he or V just kept bleaching his hair? i can hear the choir of 'it's not that deep', but personally? yes, it is that deep. all of the non-Mint Eye endings for Saeran are inherently bound to be about change, and for a sweet uwu twin who is very explicitly transformed by their tragic backstory narrative, in a visual novel game i can't believe we only have two (2) cgs of adult Saeran with his natural hair colour, one of which doesn't even come from the in-game content.

Cheritz please release my boy from the contract forbidding him to change his appearance ever since he got his own route.

In conclusion, red haired!golden eyed!Saeran deserves rights and to be seen more

[eylih]

These things I wish to see in F3/F4

- Olaf entering a new phase. I saw someone suggesting an emo phase. As someone who's alternative irl, I don't usually like when subcultures are used as a joke but I find this oke could be hilarous

-Oaken, that man's iconic, give him screentime

-How the old Northuldra reconnect with the spirits and how the young Northuldra embrace them (I'm really attached to them, that's be sad and a wasted potential if they were left out)

-More of Yelena and Mattias's beef. Characters arguing like an old married couple is my fav dynamic (I want those two as friends though)

-When the plot point hit, Olaf yelled at Elsa "You said we were done with danger!" or smth similar

-Kristoff, Honeymaren and Ryder being besties, the boys can't shut up about reindeer and Honeymaren is tired of them (petition for us to start calling them 'The deer trio')

- Anna, Elsa and Kristoff having a For The First in Forever/Some Things Never Change typa song about their new lives. With Elsa being so happy and comfortable in the forest while Anna and Kristoff are quite exhausted by the leading. I like to imagine the song ending with Anna wondering how Elsa managed to do all of that while still looking good

- More Agduna frozen memories

- The trolls and Arendelle's dignitaries arguing over rather their wedding should be celebrated in trolls' or Arendelle's traditions/Their wedding being a mix of both

-To know how the fuck was/were the fifth spirits before the sisters

-What exact roles Elsa and Anna have as the fifth spirit (yes Anna bc they did mention they are a bridge, Elsa isn't alone on that)

- The Earth giants playing with Bruni and children

- SPRING SETTING

- Elsa and Honeymaren interacting. I'm not necessary asking for their canonization. This ship is my hyperfixation but I don't place my expectations too high. So if we can at least have new material for fanarts and fanfictions, I'd be glad because I am STARVING

- Honeymaren's abs (of course I was gonna bring them up)

[aiscapades]

ts cast as ATEEZ songs!

i'm manic and hyperfixated. & love sharing my joy with others

leander — inception, emergency vere — we know, arriba ais — man on fire, empty box mhin — selfish waltz, turbulence kuras — silver light, answer sen — halazia, outlaw elyon — ice on my teeth, work (bonus) mc — deja vu, cyberpunk, dune

*note: ATEEZ songs follow a pretty wild storyline & i'm very new here so i don't know all the details, but i am letting what i do know affect how i view these songs for the ts characters :) ALSO rmr to turn on captions for performance vids & MVs!

explanations:

leander

inception: this is a song about obsession. the lyrics "i feel like i'm dreaming... i can't go back to the way it was / you didn't know me / i began craving for you uncontrollably" remind me of leander & mc's first meeting in the wet wick. as soon as he set his eyes on them, he was all-in; his obsession began immediately. "you are the dream i live in / the dream i can never wake from / every day and night, i'm gonna chase you." i have a feeling that leander is gonna be a recurring, very insistent background character for every route. no matter what path mc takes, no matter whom they choose, leander is always gonna be lurking in the background pursuing them. emergency: this song has such "leander's fucking shit up" energy, like he's getting up to some wicked shit in front of the whole audience, but nobody can stop him. it starts with "born crooked, get it? / everything in the world is boring / i'll ruin it all, hope everyone enjoys it" which resonates with leander imo because he was born from wealth, from power, and still seeks it in more sinister ways (presumably). the line "hope everyone enjoys it" makes me think of how he wants everyone's approval, even if this is meant to be more sarcastic. even when he's ruining everything, he hopes people will still see him as a hero (or an anti-hero? does leander care if he's famous or infamous? i think he just wants attention, good or bad). the chorus is a chant of "drink up, one more, drink up, get more / who has got my back? / drink up, one more, party never ends" which is sooo bloodhounds wetwick core. it's like a call to rally the troops.

vere

we know: this is the most vere song of ATEEZ's discography. it's a song about pursuit, about darkness, about rebellion against an oppressive authority. i'm going to practically cite the entire song here to explain. it opens "in the thick dawn, growling / awakening everyone, i'm the morning / dominating, i control it / the pitch-black darkness, now keep falling" this is vere as a god. revered, feared. it takes a quick turn: "let everyone know that we're starving / send only one rough warning" he's hungry and he's going to consume your soul!! he's also been flipped upside down, from a dominating god to mere pet of the senobium. leashed, under control. starving for his freedom, his dignity. his imprisonment serves as a warning for other monsters. "hidden behind a mask, a cowardly smile / still believing you can deceive me" there's a consensus that vere is the most honest of the cast, despite his riddles and jokes. i interpret this line as his opinion of leander specifically, but i think he can definitely see through most people. then there's the pursuit: "i'm chasing after you / coming after you / i'm targeting your heart / choking your breath / feel trapped in fear / when you see my face" SOOO VERE!!! he'll seduce you then kill you <3 he wants to be revered again, wants to be powerful and free again. he wants people to properly fear him again. arriba: ok this one's kinda fun. vere deserves some fun. some indulgence! some sex! some bloodshed! ....wait. ok so this song is about dancing, partying, living it up!! but some of the lyrics can be read as sorta horrifying?? starting here: "got a feeling something big is about to happen... spin the roulette of fate / dance the final dance / dance in madness... the hurricane of indulgence" it starts very subtle, like ok this is just a crazy party, you're just having a blast, taking your own life by the reins and living like it's your last. this isn't necessarily a new concept, but the lyrics just keep getting a bit more sinister. "run a little faster, you can't resist the dirty night / fear gradually paralyzes... blood, blood, spreading up and down" it's just interesting how this song is probably just about partying hard, but they specifically mention fear, blood, resistance, even how "it's a trance." like you have fallen victim to this, what you honestly thought was just a bit of fun, but you've found you cannot escape. now you're scared, running for your life, but the music and dancing goes on. it's like being seduced by this witty fox and realizing far too late what you've gotten yourself into (but it's still kinda fun, right?)

ais

man on fire: ais is always the easiest for me to pick songs for; if there's a theme of losing yourself, it's for him. this song is precisely that. it literally opens with "i'm losing control / i'm losing my mind, i'm losing myself" which at this point is such a redundant theme for ais, i'm not sure i need to fully explain. in addition to losing yourself, this song also has lines about holding onto someone to keep yourself in check, much like how ais looks to mc as a tether to reality: "every day i'm losing / the focus of reason / taken over daily / by the fever of instinct... if i hold onto you and turn into smoke / teach me how to burn out." there's also some lines that i interpret as ais's deep and fast love for mc and their role in his demise: "the sin of coveting the sun / even if i turn to ash, i don't care / if it's just for your love / i would weather any form." there's also lots of symbolism in this song that makes me think of his deal with ocudeus: "you, who colors everything red / stepping into this place was a mistake from the start" this is definitely ais regretting his choice to make this deal in the first place, and also him warning mc to not fall into the tempting trap that is the seaspring. more: "move, move, i'm gonna plunge deeper / no fear, jump right in / when you look at me, the iris ignites" this whole song just has ais/mc all over it. empty box: this is a sad song about moving on from your memories by packing them away. it specifically reminded me of this fic by muspell where ais keeps mementos just for himself. "i've been searching for an empty box, that's what i need / the memories you left in the drawer of my room" lamenting about how he wishes he could keep the memory of mc forever, never lose it to the groupmind. then a repeated "i'll never miss you / and i'll never miss you / i'll never miss you" this is sooo ais comforting himself, trying to convince himself that losing the memory of mc will be no different than losing the memory of anyone else. "i'm still trying to ignore the lingering regrets / i, who was fading away, hoped for you" this is so sad!!

mhin

selfish waltz: BANGERRRR SONG!!!! this song equates a relationship with a waltz: going round and round, repeating all the same mistakes, but never wanting it to end. "you and i, again / falling apart, oh / tonight feels like a war / throwing out to each other / sharp words that can't be erased" i see mhin as a lil softie who just wants love and acceptance <3 but i also know they can be rather rude, and in the journey to establishing such a love, they may say things they may not truly mean or regret later, hence this waltz. "the more we try to fit together / the more we fall apart / this toxic love tears us apart and puts us back together / we can't escape... just circling around each other" i also like the vulture imagery this gave me when i was thinking of the lyrics through mhin's perspective. this thing is long-dead, but they just keep trying. they're desperate for the love they've never had, that they can't even give themself. it's definitely a sad song, but mhin's story is particularly very tragic to me, so i lean towards sadder themes for them. turbulence: another sad song WHOOPS! here's another one where mhin is begging for someone to love them. "what should we become, in what form? / i'm already overwhelmed / to be myself, barely / is anyone listening? / can someone embrace me?" love the "in what form?" specifically for mhin because of their monster problem. will they find a cure and live out normal lives, or will mc and mhin find love in their true monster forms? "wings are broken and swept away, i'm scared / i'm sick and tired, it keeps moving away from me / the world looked down from a high place does frighten me" i really like this line for mhin. they fear heights, the perspective of flying over towns, but not for normal reasons; instead, this fear of flying relates to their darker fear: killing innocent people. becoming what they despise most, a bloodthirsty beast with no reason. but there is some hope after all in accepting yourself: "in a world with only darkness / a dream flying high in the sky / i can see it there, follow the lights / help me / i just hope to arrive safely on this night flight / at the end of this road / if we must become something in this form / i hope to be myself."

kuras

silver light: this song first gave me vere vibes, but i kept analyzing it, and finally settled on it for kuras. here are the reasons: firstly, this is a song about salvation. about finally escaping darkness and reaching the light. there are also lots of sorta-biblical references (through my bible belt perspective at least). it starts: "release the chain binding you / all of your pain you've been suppressing / spreading my frozen wings, i'll fly up / a single light appears... my awaited salvation." in this case, the chain that binds kuras isn't exactly a physical chain like the one vere is bound with; it's more metaphorical, i.e. his sins. "through the darkness / fly away into daylight / getting close to paradise," here i was stricken by the use of the word paradise, which in ATEEZ lore is more like a utopia, but for kuras, can be heaven. "into that light, beyond that light / in the time of my regrets, i'm going" this is soooo moving to the great beyond after being washed of your sins. finally, he's made it. he can move on. he is born anew. in fact, these lines say just that: "if i can reach it by letting everything go / i've never been here before, reborn in a new life..." answer: once again, this song gave me some religious vibes, though not nearly as explicit as silver light. it's a celebratory song that looks back on where you began and how far you've come. "the burning sun / and the huge wave / are nothing for us / we're not afraid anymore / no one can touch [us] / like a burning flame" there's a lot of burning/fire references throughout this song as well, which i interpret as a holy fire kinda thing. kuras is an angel, untouchable by mortal forces, and he will protect mc from everything. "join us / if you want everything in the world / lonely, painful, scared, afraid / those days are gone... the burning eyes and our loud shouting reaches across the world / if you can hear it / please come to me as we can be together / let's burn" this gives me end times trumpet sounding and true believers coming together to be with christ. do you get what i'm interpreting?? it's like kuras celebrating that heaven has come to earth and mortal worries are no longer important.

sen

halazia: oh sen is sooo halaziacore!!! we don't know much about her admittedly, so i'm going heavy on the assumptions here, but.. ATEEZ lore for this song is basically rebelling against an oppressive regime (a recurring theme throughout their discography). in their storyline, when ATEEZ takes over the rebellion, they help the people of this fictional world find their voices and ultimately overpower the strict government together. the reason this makes me think so much of sen is because she is a reanimated warden of the senobium, therefore she serves the abbess. she is focused on her mission and nothing else. she almost lacks autonomy in this sense. i theorize she even lost her name, and sen just comes from senobium, because that's all she is: an extension of this governing power. she's been reduced to their puppet, much like vere. what she once was is no more, and it seems she may never regain her previous self... unless? this song opens "oh, no, everything has become barren / we all try but we lose emotion / getting used to the feeling of losing... in shackled freedom / a small fantasy within me..." it's giving i was once a person but now i am a shadow of my former self and the world is suddenly grayer and has less meaning.. y'know. "i want to hear / the sound of love's breath / i want to know / if it's okay this way" this to me is sen's budding relationship with mc, whom can bring her back to life (metaphorically. the literal has already happened). "i can feel what it's like to be alive / color this infinitely cold world" when love reignites your very existence <3 "please, let me take real breaths / let me dance a real dance / let me dream a real dream and / let me feel all these senses." sen my frankenstein's monster gf wife how i love you so!!! this song is such a banger and live performances go hard :) outlaw: i am so sen biased haha. i have a specific view of her and i can't let it go. while halazia is a more sympathetic analysis of sen, outlaw views her as the monster she is, as the danger she poses in her pursuit of revenge. "you're gonna see your terrifier... i'll find you, danger / danger... / my body is getting hot / it's about to explode / the heart is in overdrive / another me is about to come out." she is, after all, a monster who isn't afraid to die by any means. she will risk it all for vengeance. "don't wake me up / the monster inside me" (ok evanescence & skillet? lmao) the line "i do it as i please, play my way, disobey" gives me sen going against clear orders from the senobium in order to fulfill her desire for revenge. i just love the entire idea of an outlaw sen ok please let me have my fantasy. as i was typing this i just stared at a picture of sen for a full minute. just longing

elyon

ice on my teeth: now, listen. elon gets the two capitalism songs. i'm sorry. it's already happened. ice on my teeth is a song about dark luxury. it has pseudo-mafia vibes. it's all about flaunting wealth! very fitting for elyon, richest guy out of the cast. "at the end of the name, there's 'priority' / taking a seat first as usual / starting from the main course / slice and eat that diamond cut / not interested in a love call / chew 'em up and keep 'em shut / yeah, got my money on my teeth." it's all bragging—how you have diamonds on your teeth so a mere smile can show just how wealthy you are. the mafia-ish concept ATEEZ has in the MV fits well with elyon too just bc i suspect he's got some shady shit going on, possibly hinted at with his flower reveal. work: ok working class kings.. work is a song about having a job. capitalism. making money moves. the grindset mindset!! "gotta work / gotta make that money, make purse / got a fur coat, so i make it purr" sorry is this not elyoncore?? are you gonna argue?? all we rlly know is he's rich and owns a BROTHEL?? bro's all up on capitalism's dick (literally). i do think it's interesting to think of this song (and ice on my teeth too) as the shallow facade of elyon bc rss has said that he is searching for what money cannot buy—usually, this is happiness. it's the classic story of having so much money you look invincible, but at the end of the day, you just feel hollow. there's a void money cannot fill within elyon. the line "girls dancing like flamingo / but my time is money, so adios" can be interpreted as elyon evading the company of others (like his brothel) to continue the grind, to his own dissatisfaction. like he's stuck in this cycle of earning money and pushing down his true desires. edit: i should also point out that in the MV specifically, the members are using classic get-rich-quick schemes and straight-up illegal tactics in order to make that money make purse. these include: printing counterfeit money, drilling for oil, raising ostriches, hatching a golden egg, mining for gold, and... they're burying bodies in the desert. so who knows what that's related to.

mc

deja vu: this song is soooo mc that i had to include it, despite the fact i've never rlly included mc in these things. just read these lyrics: "save me / please don't leave me / i'm thirsty with desire / my senses are dulled / by the attraction that captivates me" GIRLLLLL. this entire song is about being captivated by someone to the point it makes you stupid. "which place and which time / which fate, oh / attracts me to you" like this song was written for this mc lmao. then: "i go insane, we start making a pair / a decalcomanie on a white sheet" which, according to the translation notes, is basically saying "we are gonna make a mark. on this bed. by fucking" INSANEEEE which rss writer ghostwrote this kpop song cyberpunk: this song starts, "in the city where darkness falls / the lights are dancing a dance of chaos / colorful neon signs / the empty eyes which hover in them" which made me immediately imagine mc's very first steps into eridia, especially in hightown. all the brightly-colored signs and curtains, the merchants and fine-smelling food stalls, all beckoning them to enter, to come closer, yet something lurks in every shadow, around every corner. "i am crushed by the silence... of the lost souls that were taken away..." eridia isn't as safe as they'd like you to think. it's not impervious to soulless attacks, to monster attacks—not to mention the danger the senobium poses to people like mc. the city itself is threatening. "i can't feel anything in this place, full of lies / i wanna feel alive / don't wanna stay in the dark" is mc's distrust of all these monstrous strangers coming out of the woodwork to "help" them. "the existence itself is doubtful / life has lost its meaning" i feel is a great expression of mc's desperation and how little they value their own life as long as they are cursed. it's just not much of a life to live, being unable to even just hold another person. also the live performance is smth else (choi san chair dance youtube search was my 1st venture into this world.) dune: ok this is a new addition to this list but i couldn't not include it bc of these lyrics: "i try my best to climb up somehow / i'm suffocating, i can't even count the sacrifices / i'm falling endlessly / heaven's door is getting farther and farther away / what do i have to be sick for? / am i one out of countless people, why? / who am i to blame?" it's just mc's lifelong struggle with their curse. why them? what did they do to deserve this?

[entityarts]

*Bursts in* Lore for your Phoenix please?

HOW DID YOU GET IN MY HOUSE?!/j

Lol okay. Strap yourself in everyone for my first lore dump ever :]

So, Mystery Phoenix, we don't know anything about their past. That's why they're a Mystery! The End! (okay this isn't the end of the lore dump)

Look at them! Such a silly fella!

So basically when Phoenix was working as a spy worked along with another person named Agent Scarlet. Agent Scarlet has some family conflict in the past so she hopes that becoming a spy would help avenge for her past.

Here's Agent Scarlet. She's slaying too.

Anyways, Phoenix has the talent and is pretty good. A natural if I do say so myself.

They got gold stars for doing good on their mission!!

And now here's Scarlet!

ermm... you look good, Scarlet...! I guess...

So Scarlet isn't doing too good and seeing Phoenix eat up this job makes her jealous. Scarlet expresses her anger to Phoenix and Phoenix does what they can to comfort them because they genuinely care about Scarlet (Mystery fella with a heart!)

TW: Suicide is mentioned

Agent Phoenix is getting ready for work and notices a note left on a desk. The note was from Scarlet saying how she's been in the way of the missions and would finally get off their back for good. Phoenix is in shock believing she committed suicide and it breaks them.

Scarlet: I get it now. I'm useless. I'm useless to you and the missions. I'll get out of your way now -Scarlet

Phoenix: sniff sniff

Very heart breaking. Friends who I showed this to can likely agree.

That's the story before the game starts. While the games goes on it's just completely normal (I only say this cause again, I never played the game nor want to watch gameplay of it because I wanna experience it myself). The only thing that happens in the lore when the games go on is that in IEYTD 3 Phoenix discovers that Agent Scarlet isn't dead?!?!?!

So when Agent Scarlet left the spy business they joined Zoraxis and is partnered with Roxana Prism. This is when Toxic Yuri starts to happen (YEEEEAAAAAHHHH!!!!!)

Basically, Agent Scarlet is attention starved and basically is trying to do all she can do for validation from Roxana. Roxana on the other hand is just trying to get work done.

I have two more important characters but it's all very vague

This lil guy is Agent Phoenix's adopted son. Idk where Agent Phoenix would find him but I wanna make it where the lil guy would be used for a test subject but when Agent Phoenix finds him they pick him up and save them.

This guy is gonna be a butler that helps assist Phoenix and eventually these two fall in love (I'm a sucker for making romance in stories).

Look at these two lovebirds

So now here's the real question. What makes Agent Phoenix... Agent Phoenix? Well don't worry cause I have an answer!

So Agent Phoenix wears this Phoenix pin in secret which explains his invincibility.

Sketches from my sketchbook related to it. I'm aware how light it is. I'm sorry 😔

Then I thought about another instance where Agent Phoenix wants to retire from his spy job but passes the legacy down to his adopted son.

He's such a proud father 🥹

And that's all I have to yap about. The only things about the lore I know isn't final are the parts of my lore that occur in game (main story and characters) cause there may be things I got wrong or a character is mischaracterized.

Overall, I'm happy about this!

Thank you @gr3yyyyy for sharing your hyperfixation with me and thank you to the IEYTD community for being really kind. You guys are sweet and epic! ❤️

[bucksbelly]

Getting to know your mutuals!

I was tagged by @playinginthunderstorms and @tanktopdiaz in different versions of this meme so they're getting answered altogether whoops

pt. 1

Favorite color: Blue or teal. I've been crocheting with this sapphire-colored yarn recently that I'm obsessed with! Currently reading: og fiction - Gregor the Overlander by Suzanne Collins; fanfic - lots of angsty Buddie bc I'm in a mood (if you've got a longfic rec hmu plssss (hea only tho)) Last song: Balloon (feat. Doechii) by Tyler, The Creator Most recent film: Jane Austen Wrecked My Life; it was weird but fun! Most recent series: Bet on Netflix; currently obsessed with the masked lesbian assassin and her bratty gf Sweet/salty/savory: Can I say salty and savory? Aren't they pretty much the same thing? Whatever. Savory topped with salt all day Tea or coffee: Coffee for caffeine, tea for the aesthetic Working on: ...so many things...henren sex pollen, Chris NDE in El Paso, and the HP fic I feel bad for abandoning almost as much as idk that I want to write anymore are my current big 3

pt 2:

1. You get $100 to go thrift shopping. What are you buying and why? Oooooh I'm a bag whore so I'm definitely getting some bags. Then I'm scouring the shelves for yarn and donated knit/crochet blankets. Then books/games. I honestly hate clothes shopping so I might check my size at the end but I'll probably avoid them lol. 2. What's a song you could listen to dozens of times in a row and not get bored? Bold of you to assume my standard isn't listening to the same playlist dozens of times until I beat the dopamine out of it 🤣 right now, my top picks are probably Novacane by Frank Ocean, tv off by Kendrick Lamar, and DENIAL IS A RIVER by Doechii. 3. What's a decade you really like music from? I don't listen to a lot of older music, so I'm gonna have to go with the 2000s pop punk I grew up with! 4. What's your dream hair? In typical "person with 4b/c hair" fashion, I'd love to experience straight/wavy hair (relaxers only go so far). Either way I'm dyeing the fuck out of it so it should probably be blonde! 5. What's a chore you actually like doing that surprises people? Vacuuming! I get to blast my music and the neat floor lines + before/after view (I have 4 cats) is so satisfying to me. 6. Do you fidget? How, or with what? Yes! It's part of the reason I started knitting and crocheting! If I don't have that I'm probably picking at my skin, nails, or hair so it's for the best lol 7. Tell me about a current hyperfixation of yours. I'm the type of person that hyperfixates on one thing to the detriment of everything else, so 9-1-1/Buddie is about 85% of my brain capacity these days rip. I did just do a "history of omegaverse" powerpoint for a friend, so there's that ig 8. What's your favourite animated movie or TV series? Sooo super unpopular opinion but I really don't care for animation. I know, I know, it's a big genre to say that for, but both my parents weren't into animated shows/movies so I just never watched them. All respect to animation as an art, though! 9. If you were forced to lose one of your five senses, which one would you choose? Okay I've actually thought about this question a lot and I think I gotta go with smell. I love music too much to lose hearing, sight would make writing more challenging, touch would be brutal (i'm already touch-starved so I imagine that would be worse) so it's gotta come down to smell or taste. 10. What makes you feel put together? What makes you feel like you have your life in order? You know, that thing that makes you go, okay yeah no I got this. A detailed to-do list! Bonus question: For Star Wars fans, who is your favourite Jedi and why? RIP me I've only seen two Star Wars films and one of them was in Hungarian, a language I don't speak

Tagging @playinginthunderstorms & @tanktopdiaz to answer the questions they didn't tag me for + @jxonthewindow @mybrainshyperfixtations @buckleyflower @afantasyoffiction @nosaladallowed-ao3 @sloasis; do one or both or whatever you're comfortable with :)

[dance-like-an-idiot]

HAPPY FALSETTOS DAY!!! congrats trina and mendel falsettos on your 45th anniversary 🙏‼️

i would do something because im hyperfixated so here's whizzvin i wrote yesterday

writing under cut :D

"I'd love to be somebody's "The one who got away"," Whizzer said for the millionth time since they've been together. And it's been 10 months, —Not 9 Whizzer stop smelling the damn roses.—

Marvin rolled his eyes and he knew by proximity alone that Whizzer saw the action. Whizzer slouched from where he sat in Marvin's lap and pouted with a huff that blew on Marvin's stubble. Marvin could barely stand him. "Ever thought of monogamy? It's a joy, I'm sure you'll love it," He drawled, repeating words of his own. 

"I'd love to leave you, ever think of that?" Whizzer quips mercilessly, but still it's repeatitive. He's smiling now, though, testing Marvin. They both know where this leads. 

"I'd love for you to love me, or want me, or need me even." 

Whizzer scoffs, "Don't be so foolish, Marv. You know you'll never get what you want from me." Whizzer's smirk is wide, Marvin wants to kiss it off. 

So he does, because he always gets what he wants. 

——

"Marv, did I end up as your "One who got away"?" Whizzer asks off handedly one afternoon on the weekend. Which means Jason is quite literally a room over and Cordelia will likely be busting down the door any second now, Charlotte in tow. 

It's been years since Marvin's heard that phrase, and every time Whizzer would bring it up they would fight. Marvin hates those fights now, and that phrase is so negative in his mind now that he freezes up. 

Whizzer who is sat on the chair in front of him notices —of course, Marvin couldn't be discrete about it— and he seems to perk up. What? "You okay?" Whizzer asks simply... But could it ever be that simple? Two years ago Whizzer would have never showed that kind of care however simple. Instead Whizzer's mouth would form a familiar insult, whether it be about his clothes or rightfully calling out the sack of shit Marvin was. 

So hearing such a simple question fills the burnt pit in his stomach before he feels the words finding their way up his esophagus and out of his mouth. "I am. I am so much more than okay with you." 

Whizzer smiles and his face scrunches together like he's trying to surpress it. He looks uncharacteristically bashful. Whizzer stands from his chair and walks to Marvin, causally taking a seat beside him, so close their knees touch. Marvin responds by placing his hand on Whizzer's thigh. Whizzer lowly chuckles and takes Marvin's hand in his own. He traces Marvin's knuckles, rubs circles into his palm, and Marvin had never thought he was a touch starved man until now. Until Whizzer. Whizzer had flipped his entire life upside down. Whizzer indirectly made him better. Whizzer was constantly on his mind for the last two years. Whizzer speaks, "You still didn't answer my question."

Marvin snaps out of his trance and looks at Whizzer's eyes which are fixed on their connected hands. "Shit, what was the question?"

"Oh, it's only the question i brought up pretty much everyday for nine months straight," He lightly teased and Whizzer connected their hands fully, tilting his head to return eye contact. His smarty smile is beautiful. 

Luckily the hint lands and Marvin squeezes Whizzer's hand and smiles faintly, wanting to return his joy but still the thought of that question... "Yes... But you're here now, aren't you?" 

"I am," It's a finality. "I just remembered how often I would ask that and got curious." He leans into Marvin and their hands never part. 

Marvin preens at the contact but takes a finger to guide Whizzer's head up again. Their eyes meet and Whizzer must be the most beautiful thing in the world. Marvin has never felt so lucky to be loved, to have Whizzer again in his arms and in his hands. Marvin pecks the tip of Whizzer's nose before saying softly, "Then that makes you the one who stayed."

[dollygirl808]

Do I know what I'm doing? No. But I am copying other ppl on here who I like, so.

20yo, adhd bpd girly too obsessed with fictional men to interact with any irl

COD !!! All of them I need them (unhealthily)

Nav/info/Masterlist under cut

Ao3 -> Dollygirl808

I also read Undertale stuff but for the past like 6months I've been in the throws of a cod hyperfixation. Probably won't post anything about Undertale here, this is mostly a cod blog.

I write a LOT of yandere/obsessive/possesive/unhealthy behavior stuff. Most of my works will contain some amount of obsessive behavior if it's not outright yandere. I will still tag and give tw for that but you've been warned.

I also don't really write x reader, mostly just bc I can't. Nothing against ppl who can, more power to them, especially since x reader is what seems to be the most popular, and I enjoy reading it too but can't get behind writing you/your pronouns so most of my stuff will be fem oc's. I reuse names a lot, like Freya and Vera and Lexi and Mercy and Scarlett.

Unless implied otherwise, most of my characters will be chubby/thick bc I am too! Even if I never directly mention size, it's safe to assume the female main character is packing on a couple extra pounds. I'll commonly refer to characters as being thick, like having thick thighs or soft tummies or big rounded ass's. If thinks like that bother you my writing might not be for you, sorry!

Feel free to message me or send an ask or anything! I'm on my phone like 24/7 so I'll probably see it. I'm pretty comfortable with most things, but some hard limits include underage, scat/vomit, incest, hardcore non-con ect. I'll add if I need to but everything else is on the table really!

Navigation / Masterlist

Spoiled Rotten! ->Yandere!Zombie! Ghost x OC Freya x Soap (Smut, Yandere)

A Helping Paw -> Obsessive! Werewolf/Weredog 141(+extra) x Chubby! OC Freya (Fluff, Obsessive, Poly, Reverse Harem, Maybe smut)

Drabbles/Teasers

The Wolf Hunts, For She Is Starved -> Obsessive! TF141× Konig x Yandere! Werewolf! OC Freya (Yandere, Omegaverse, Werewolves, smut)

Home Sweet Home -> Ghost x OC Freya x OC Lexi x TF141 (poly, smut, thruple, sharing, pwp)

A Dead Man's Home -> Childhood best friend! Ghost x Nurse! OC Ava (Emotional, hurt/comfort, breaking and entering, injury, angst? Hint of romance?)

How I'm doing. (Not okay) (old)

Other

Sorry I've been MIA

That's the end of my very small list for now lol. When I add more, it'll be expanded and organized into individual people.

[umbramemeblog]

🤔 What's a fandom you have many brainworms about, but don't get to talk about?

Please, share examples of such brainworms for extra credits~

(shaking you affectionately) A short preamble: I dislike using the term hyperfixations for >things i enjoy intensely for short/long periods of time< but i feel like "obsessions" encompasses it pretty well. I'm using this ask as a placeholder for a brief list of things that i have become obsessed with through life, subject to updates, with a brief sentence explaining why i enjoyed if I'm willing to talk about them. rating them would be difficult for the opinion tends to change- who knows. i can never fully predict my tastes.

OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes - a charming, underrated gem. the whole story is pretty self contained and the ending has been one of the most satisfactory that i've watched, wrapping it all so well. i enjoy k.o's whimsy nature as well as how he matures through the series, and the episodes end very heartwarmingly. very satisfying to watch Bee and puppycat- love the artstyle as well, but in a different way. the plot is a real fucking mess, not guided or really rooted in anything, trusting the viewer to piece things together (if i were smarter i could probably do an analysis but sadly i have not) (stopped interacting with anything having to do with it when it got released on netflix because i'm allergic to when things get more popular/bigger i swear i'm not trying to be a snob here) Don't starve together- My favorite game. or well, it was. i still love the lore- even with how obscure it is to access any of it outside their animations, and how convoluted it is to play the game if you don't have a wiki tab open at all times. been a hot minute since i played it though, klei just keeps releasing new content and it doesn't feel like the same game i fell in love with anymore Overwatch- …Same happened with overwatch. i spent so much time playing it only to have most of it changed LOL at least it wasnt half as convoluted to play or to enjoy the lore…. i did wish it got expanded more upon though. the concept is good but its very barebones??? stop releasing new characters and elaborate on the ones you have [shaking blizzard] Genshin- i have so much to say about genshin maybe it would better be left to another post. i love it. i hate it. as one does with every gacha game

[acetypeface]

Who’s your favorite TUA character?

I’ve done been asked about my hyperfixation‼️

Because I’m incapable of being normal about Umbrella Academy rn, I’m going to rate all the Hargreeves siblings by way of choosing a favorite.

Going from least favorite to favorite (I like them all, but some are more precious than others):

7. Allison. Don't get me wrong, I love all of the siblings. For me, what really makes the media is the characters, and all of the Umbrella Academy characters are unique, endearing, yet flawed. That being said, Allison is the one I connect with the least, and also after season 3... well...

6. Diego. He would be higher, but I didn't really start to like him until season 2. Like Allison, Diego's one of the ones I connect with the least, although I do find his character arcs very compelling (and heartbreaking, to be honest).

5. Luther. Luther is very much back and forth for me. Like, he's such an idiot towards the end of season 1, but AMAZING in season 3. Honestly, I just love the trope of a big blond himbo, so even if Luther is as dumb as rocks, he's so endearing.

4. Viktor. He explodes things. He's just three apples tall. Viktor is just a little guy, and I've been his firm supporter since season 1. (Like, my sister keeps dissing him and I'm ready to throw hands). Plus, I really love Elliot Page, so like... Viktor, ya know?

3. Ben. I don't wanna let my men-loving show, but like, Ben's gorgeous. He's so hot. Ahem, anyway-- I love the whole concept of him being Klaus's conscience and voice of reason (even if Klaus never listens) and the only time I cried while watching this show was at one of his scenes. That being said, I don't really like Sparrow!Ben. I won't count him out quite yet though, we still have season 4.

2. Klaus. He's hilarious. He's sexy trash. He's wife material. Klaus is very much a close second when it comes to my favorite character, if only for the fact that he never irritates me. All of the other characters (except maybe Five) have moments where I'm screaming at the screen because they're so dumb (affectionate) but... never Klaus. Live love Klaus. He's great.

1. Five. I. Fucking. LOVE. Five. Which sure that's probably predictable, he's a fan favorite, but he's freaking hilarious, one of the deeper characters in the show (in my opinion), and his actor does a brilliant job with all of his quirks and mannerisms. Plus I hardcore headcanon him as either ace or aroace, but maybe I'm just projecting. But anyway, he's the new blorbo consuming my brain, and when I attend my first convention this summer (yay me!) I really want to cosplay him.

I'm so sorry for how rambly this was. If you can't tell, I'm very hyperfixated rn, and my sister hasn't finished season 3 yet so I'm practically vibrating with spoilers. I feel a little awkward being so obsessed with it cuz the fandom seems to be dead, for the most part, but hey-- I'm having fun. And that's what matters, right?

To all of my beautiful mutuals who followed me for Owl House content-- I am so sorry. The hyperfixation will return, the big ones always do. I'll try to feed you once in a while so you don't starve. Love you <3

[thedanniannie]

I'm no longer embarrassed over obsessing over Itachi Uchiha. I am autistic; this is more than just a silly obsession, this is how my brain just functions. This character is my special interest, my DSM-approved hyperfixation.

I used to be embarrassed for my special interests. I thought I needed to outgrow them. I sold off anything that I collected, or buried it in the attic. I wish I was never scared of myself, so now I choose not to be.

I never want to lessen myself because I have a special interest, and now I don't starve myself of it. I used to try ignoring it. But in the end, I just ended up sad, and I look back to wish that I never cared what people thought of me. It's scary to be yourself in the moment--trust me, that's why I've been so anxious lately. But if you try to fit in a mold that never cared to include you in the first place, it'll just be more upsetting.

Outside of my friend group and online spaces, which I'm so happy to have, I know the world hates my autistic brain and body. I've experienced that hate first hand. But I'll be damned if I let their hate kill my sparkle. If I let their voices tell me once again that I need to pawn off my personality to the nearest Goodwill. Or that it deserves to be forcefully shut up.

Because if someone is gonna get all weird just because I'm autistic and that I really like a fictional character, then that's a them problem. "Sounds like an iss-you (issue), not an iss-me," is what I like to say. If you can't handle this autistic ass, how about you hop off of it?

Anyway, yeah don't be ashamed of your special interests. So be it that it's not literally hurting anyone, then just vibe with it yo. And shout out to mf Itachi Uchiha dude, happy to have you in my brain 24/7.

[5ivebyfive]

read your blogs about chapter 12 possibly being the last chapter of shut up and drive and got concerned. after putting it off for a while due to being busy and just... unmotivated to consume any content, i decided to finally give it a read. spent practically the entire day reading it. let's just say i did not expect to get as invested as i did. i've been hyperfixating on power rangers 2017 for a while now, but with the lack of new content, i was slowly losing interest (which absolutely broke my heart, because i truly adore this movie). however, reading shut up and drive has gotten me right back into it. this fic is genuinely my favorite piece of work on ao3. i have so much admiration and love for it. i practically felt... every single emotion i could possibly feel while reading it. needless to say i was in tears for a lot of it (i cry due to, like, every strong emotion i feel, and i felt a lot of strong emotions reading shut up and drive. jesus christ i'm just a wreck after the ending of the last chapter). changed my entire discord layout to match it, and am currently in the process of changing my phone's layout as well. yes, i loved it that much. it made me wonder why i hadn't read it sooner. as a starving trimberly fan, i've been lingering on your blog for a while now. sent a few anonymous asks here and there. read a lot of your work on ao3. i just feel really guilty for not commenting and interacting as much as i should've. i guess i was... scared to? i don't know. i've never really been good at describing my love for things, and i didn't quite know how to properly comment on your blogs and work in the first place. not to mention the irrational fear that i had of being "annoying". i know this is a little long, but all of this is basically just a way for me to make up for not praising your work sooner. i know how much of a bitch writer's block can be, and despite the fact that i hadn't even read shut up and drive when i saw your recent blogs, i was really saddened by the fact that it was coming to an end. that's what motivated me to read it in the first place. you've had so much passion for it, and it was genuinely so inspiring. i really want to try interacting with your posts more, which is also why i've decided to send this ask non-anonymously. feeling like you're posting into a void is one of the worst feelings, speaking as someone who's never really been in "active" fandoms (for some reason). you're definitely not alone in this fanbase. i want to try to post some of my own work as well, which is something i wouldn't have even considered if it wasn't for you. thank you for everything you've done for the power rangers 2017 fandom. thank you for every single fic, every single chapter, and every single blog you've made related to it. words can't describe the joy your work has given me. i have so much work to do, yet spent the day reading shut up and drive instead. i don't regret a thing.

Wow! This message is so wonderful, thank you! I don't even know what to say in reply.

I really appreciate your dedication to my little story. It means so much to me. I'm completely obsessed with this fic right now so it feels good to know I'm not alone.

When I say I miss interaction it's not about wanting more comments. I appreciate any comments I get. I may have used the wrong word. Like...I miss activity. I miss following blogs that post about the movie and Trimberly. I miss people reblogging things. Especially fic and art. Though maybe more so fic. I do think art gets more reblogs than fic does. Which it deserves! But fic deserves it, too.

I miss there being a community and people to talk to. I miss us sending each other asks and talking about headcanons and everything. It's just not the same as it was, and everyone has moved on. It's hard to be one of the people still holding on when most people have left.

I don't think chapter 12 will be the last. I just can't do that to this fic. It deserves the justice I had planned for it. It's amazing that you're so devoted to it! Thank you!

I guess I'm not leaving the fandom. I just get frustrated. It feels like there are so few people left, and even the friends I thought I'd made regardless of fandom have faded out, and that hurts.

I just...really miss it all. But I'm glad that I'm not alone yet, and I'm so appreciative for everyone who still reads my fic and my blog.

[cosmic-navel-gazin]

"About the Blogger" Meme by @razielim

Haven't seen one of these in forever; I'm being the change I want to see. (You're encouraged to adapt/remove questions or add new ones to better suit yourself.)

Favorite Pseud: Cosmic is the new hotness but my indecisive ass has had a billion! Alas-poor-yorick! is an old one I'm still fond of because my child self really went and saw Hamlet and thought: "YES! THE SKULL OF THE DEAD JESTER! THAT'S WHO I WANNA BE!"

Time Zone: GMT

Star Sign(s): the one that's a COSMIC RAM! 🐏🌠✨

Favorite Holidays: every holiday is always tinged with just a tad of existential dread, a pang reminding me of the time that's already gone by, that I'm one day closer to death , I guess the ones during Spring and Summer, just because of the weather and that the days are longer

Last Meal: Soup and a piece of bread with olive oil (and olives)

Current Favorite Musician: my dear friend who plays the piano^^ (whom I hope never finds out about this blog and reads this or I'll never hear the end of it). Not sure if current, but I've listened to a lot of it regularly so, shout-out to Jordi Savall and his Hespèrion XXI group *gnaws on their many variations of the spanish Folías*

Last Music Listened To: Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Is In) · Kenny Rogers & The First Edition

Last Movie Watched: Saw X and The Lobster

Last TV Show Watched: The Bear

Last Book/Fic Finished: Can't remember what was the last book so I'm going with: One of only two in existence A Field In England fics on AO3 😳

Last Book/Fic Abandoned: Kafka's The Trial (not abandoned, I just wanted to finish the ones I had started first before continuing because I know this one's gonna hurt for sure)

Currently Reading: Solaris by Stanisław Lem

Books/Shows/Movies/etc. You Want to Get Around To: For Films I have some listed on this ask. For books I got some Strugatskys to get to, some Terry Pratchett, some Kafka, some Horus Heresy, my sister got me Foundation *looks at bookshelf and ignores the dozens of others that have been sitting there for years, waiting for me*

Last Thing Researched for Art/Writing/Hyperfixation: Wild boars! Boarzinhos if you will.

Last Eureka, Breakthrough, or Neat Fact/Concept Learned: Have learned nothing and remain a fool.

Favorite Online Fandom Memory: I don't think I've ever been in a Fandom™ per se. It's usually just, sitting in my dark lair and enjoying a thing with a handful of other people. But, if it counts since it's the closest to interacting with Fandom I've had: these past (4?) years on tumblr in general. From the months-long (sometimes years-long) discussions about this or that piece of media and the insightful observations traded, the juicy meta, the joy and privilege of people sending you unfinished pieces of their art and writing through DMs (the trust and intimacy of it all!!!), sending each other memes and posts we think the other might enjoy, the nice messages, etc... all of it really.

Favorite Old Fandom You Wish Would Drag You Back In/Have A Resurgence: Am baby and haven't really experienced this yet.

Favorite Thing You Enjoy That Never Had an Active or Big "Fandom" but You Wish It Did: I literally can't choose because almost everything I love is some flavour of weird-ass-obscure thing! But uhmmm, *flips through enormous tome of interests* : Here! Rule of Rose ! I was starving for psychological horror games after the Silent Hill series and this is the closest I've ever seen to them while also not being just a rip off/clone of SH, and telling its own beautifully tragic story (the combat is broken and there's other issues but everything else, maaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnn).

Tempting Project You're Trying to Rein In/Don't Have Time For: I will draw Rumata and Budach's Conversation™ from chapter 8 in full, in comic form, skill to pull it off and do it justice or not, EVEN IF IT KILLS ME!

Tempting Project You're 100% Going to Undertake: It involves sandcastles and the joys of creation... but it needs to *gasp!* actually be written and not just daydreamed about.

Tagging: AAAAAA I DUNNO ANYONE WHO WANTS TO!

[tiny-fluffy-knight]

All of them for Gabriel ♡

Oh fucking hell-

We're doing this in parts or I will explode

🍬 - if you were in canon, what would the fanbase for your ship be like?

I genuinely have no clue! I would be surprised if there was much of one honestly. I know I'm a bit of a weird one in general and that would probably put people off.

🧁 - your f/o is planning a surprise date for you two! what do they choose?

Considering that I don't think human money is something he deals with very much... something cheap and quiet, most likely? A picnic, a small trip to a café, or a wander around a library or museum - which suits me great, I do not like big loud places.

🍵 - do you have any pets with your f/o? if not, what kind would you like to adopt? how do they act around animals?

My two actual cats, Oreo and Kitkat, are a package deal with me! Luckily Gabriel seems to both like and kind of kin kitties, so they get on well. I could also see him adopting his own, if there's enough space! We do not talk about how I am also kitten.

🍓 - what's a bad habit your f/o has?

My beloved angel, you have some anger issues... and a lot of religious hangups. He knows the right places and times to actually indulge in some cathartic violence though!

🍦 - what's your f/o's favorite way to show affection? are there any little things they do to indicate their appreciation for you?

He's very much a physical touch and acts of service kind of guy. Gentle touches to the shoulder, holding hands and squeezing, little taps to silently say 'I love you'. Just being close is comforting to both of us, I think. Then he's making sure I'm actually taking care of myself and helping to make it easier where he can.

🥥 - talk about a memorable moment in your relationship.

I'm sure he'd be very relieved if I stopped microwaving meteorites, that was, uh, 'fun'. Half jokes aside... for me it would have to be when we saw under each other's (metaphorical) armour for the first time. That moment where I felt he truly saw me.

🍾 - who confessed first, and how did it happen?

You ever just blurt out all your intense and confusing feelings to your guardian angel because you're an impulsive dumbass and cause him an on-the-spot existential gay crisis?

Oops.

🍧 - which of you is the better chef? what's their favorite thing to make for the other?

Gabriel, by far. I possess the magical ability to seriously injure myself whenever near anything sharp or hot, so my cooking skills are mostly relegated to the microwave... I wouldn't call him a professional chef, but he can at least not burn down the house, and the food he makes looks tasty. If he's making treats for me, it's usually baking!

🍒 - what is your f/o's love language, and how do they express it with you?

I mentioned it before, but we're both violently touch starved... so any contact with each other is really appreciated. There's really nothing better than curling up in his lap and being cuddled/pet. He's the only one I really trust to touch me at all, and that seems to kind of be the case with him too, so it works out well.

🥞 - who spoils the other more?

He has more energy for it, but I am always actively plotting on how to 'get him back' whenever he does! Some day I will make it truly balanced.

🍮 - what's something you do that always makes your f/o smile, and/or vice versa?

He's so incredibly cute when he's being silly! I can never tell if he knows what he's doing when he starts memeing, but it always manages to get me. As for what I do... I think he finds it cute when I get a bit too excited about my hyperfixations and start rambling/gesturing intensely/spinning in excitement.

🫐 - what's your sleeping arrangement with your f/o like? do you share a bed? do they cuddle you, or talk in their sleep?

Sharing a bed gets... interesting, when your lover is easily double your size. I end up feeling like a little teddy bear a lot, but in a way that's really cozy. He mumbles in his sleep a little, though I can't complain about that, considering I apparently coo like a pigeon sometimes. Besides, it's really cute too.

🍩 - what are some irl things that remind you of your f/o?

The body pillow is probably a given. Other than that, though... I have to say blue feathers, stained glass windows. For something I own personally, I have a Jellycat smudge lion with a floofy blue mane that always makes me think of him.