#my expectations are high and my self worth non existent! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tsarisfanfiction · 1 year

Text

Eclipse: Chapter 16

Fandom: Trials of Apollo Rating: Teen Genre: Family/Adventure Characters: Apollo, Hades Now, I could make the gods' lives easy... or I could not. No prizes for guessing which way I went here. I have a discord server for all my fics, including this one! If you wanna chat with me or with other readers about stuff I write (or just be social in general), hop on over and say hi! <<Chapter 15

APOLLO XVI

Tell a tale of woe Cross the lamenting river And then we get stuck

While he’d been preoccupied – Apollo hesitated to call it dreaming, because that implied he’d fallen asleep – his form had made considerable progress in pulling itself back together. His healing abilities were superior to most, even down in the depths of Tartarus, it seemed, and when he pressed a hand to the knife wound in his gut where Orion had tried to disembowel him, he felt nothing but unmarked skin.

His throat, too, was intact once more, as were the other various smaller injuries he’d picked up from both their battle with the giant and the broader Tartarus experience, and part of Apollo wondered how long he’d been sat there. Ichor still stained his armour and skin alike, a jagged slit in the abdomen of his armour showing where Orion’s hunting knife had passed through it as though it hadn’t existed, but it was a simple matter to will it away.

The action didn’t bother his essence in the slightest, adding credence to the suspicion that he had been… out… for some time, for whatever measure or worth time had in the Pit, and some self-evaluation put him at not quite a hundred percent, but recovered enough that he was confident in his abilities to handle most non-Orion levels of confrontation once more.

Cool metal, celestial bronze at its finest despite the haphazard nature of the creation, made itself known in his hand and he looked down at the Valdezinator – or rather, the remains of it.

The instrument was, for lack of a better word, ruined, and Apollo felt a not inconsiderable amount of regret at the sight. For something he had more or less forced Leo to give up to keep up his own appearances, he had grown attached to the strange yet utterly unique instrument, and had been making great strides in mastering the art of playing it.

In fact, his performance against Orion could have argued that he had if not mastered, at least achieved a high level of proficiency in playing it – something Apollo had never fully expected himself to manage. Not because it was outside of his realms of ability – it was a musical instrument, it was always within his abilities – but because of the requirements for playing it.

The Valdezinator fed on emotions. It was ingenious – music and emotions were heavily intertwined, but never had Apollo before seen an instrument that required emotions to make sound in such a way as the Valdezinator. When he considered that it was constructed with less than a thought from Leo, simply something his hands did while his mouth was busy, it seemed unbelievable – and yet, it fit so perfectly. Something created on a whim, away from conscious thought, that required the intangible to play… Apollo loved it, but the vulnerability it had forced from him had been something he had been unwilling to display.

It demanded honesty, not a performance, and Apollo had never thought he would be in a position where he would willingly shed his performance in front of an audience – at least, not until his trials, and Lester, and everything that had entailed.

Still, against Orion – in front of Hades – with the fear from the Helm swirling around him and Orion’s vicious face threatening him, threatening his sister and his children, Apollo had managed to harness the right emotions to stop the giant, to lasso the fear his uncle’s Helm emitted and channel it into a weapon against his bane. He’d hoped that would have been enough, but he’d known that just the music wouldn’t have been. More had been needed.

Apollo hoped Leo would understand. His hands shook as he looked down at the mangled metal, before he pushed at it with his essence, picturing the nook he had placed it in for safe keeping on Delos. Such a piece of mastery deserved far, far better than to be discarded in Tartarus for evermore. Perhaps, if Leo forgave him its destruction, he would be willing and able to repair it.

Summoning it in the first place had been exhausting, not just because he’d lost so much ichor he’d been struggling to perform any truly godly feats at all but also because of the distance between Delos and Tartarus. Sending it back, despite being well-rested, was just as difficult. Having his ichor and strength restored helped, but Tartarus was automatically opposed to things leaving, and it took several long minutes before the instrument faded from his hands entirely.

He took one more moment to remember it, to mourn the instrument that had saved him at the cost of itself much like a certain ukulele, before casting his attention around the cave to find Hades.

His uncle was stood at the entrance, sword held loosely by his side. It was the exact same position Apollo had seen him take up as he’d slumped against the wall of the cavern, and he wondered if Hades had moved at all since then.

All gods were capable of remaining still for long lengths of time – Apollo preferred not to, preferred to keep moving, keep seeing and doing and learning, but he could, if he had to – so it wasn’t entirely out of the question. He decided against asking Hades if he had; with time so hard to track in Tartarus, he couldn’t even ask probing questions like how long was I out?

All he could do was pull himself to his feet, pass his hand over his quiver to make sure it was once again bristling with arrows – running out against Orion had not been fun, not when it had slowed him up and the damn giant had starting timing how long it took him to summon more arrows, ending with a perfectly-timed strike while Apollo was mid-summon and couldn’t do anything about it – and head for the entrance, where his uncle stood.

“Are you sufficiently recovered?” Hades asked as he approached. Apollo caught sight of dark eyes flickering in his direction briefly before returning to look out upon the jagged plains of Tartarus.

“I am,” he said, offering him a slightly apologetic grin. “Sorry about that. And… thanks, for fighting him.”

That was another thing that had been playing on his mind, beyond the safety of Asclepius – Orion had not been Hades’ responsibility to fight. He hadn’t needed to fight, Orion had given him the chance not to, but the older god had intervened regardless, once again taking on the role of melee combatant while Apollo stayed back as support, despite the fact it should, really, have been Apollo’s fight. After the earlier encounter, barely getting away from his bane, he had simply been glad for the help.

“I do not need your gratitude,” Hades dismissed. “I merely saw no reason to stand aside, and certainly not once he implied that I should. Giants have no right to order me around.”

The reasoning, when he heard it, made sense; Hades’ pride had been insulted, so really, Orion had brought his wrath down upon him himself. Still, Apollo couldn’t shake the feeling that, more importantly, Hades’ involvement had been the difference between defeat and victory.

“There is no more to be gained from sheltering here,” his uncle continued, sheathing his sword and turning to face Apollo fully for a moment. “Come. The prison is still far.”

Typically, he didn’t wait for a response before striding out, forcing Apollo to follow and take some extra strides to fall into step beside him.

For some time, they journeyed in silence. Hades was not the sort for idle conversation at the best of times, and Apollo could think of no topics to address that his uncle would deem worthwhile, especially while they traversed a terrain as unforgiving as Tartarus. The idea of singing, or even quietly humming, was also dismissed before it fully formed – again, not in a terrain as unforgiving as Tartarus. Apollo had no desire to attract the attention of the Primordial any more than was absolutely necessary; if he was honest, he was already worried at how much attention their fight with Orion had gained, and he suspected Hades was similarly displeased at the potential notice.

Surprisingly, it was Hades who broke the silence, as they started descending back down the jagged ground. At this point, the constant slicing and healing of their feet was simply a background familiarity; neither of them left a trail behind them, healing too fast for the ichor to drip.

“You said that neither you nor Artemis have ever defeated Orion,” he observed. “However, I am aware that he has been defeated in the past. If you did not defeat him, who did?”

That was not a topic Apollo particularly wanted to discuss, but he could understand his uncle’s reasons for asking. Gods didn’t like not knowing things, and Orion hadn’t kept his mouth shut while they’d fought.

Nor had he, although Apollo barely recalled letting the confession slip.

“Orion didn’t fight against us, the first time,” he said, unable to keep the venom out of his voice as he spat his enemy’s name and not particularly caring to try, either. “He was the first male to join Artemis’ Hunt. They were friends.” Or so Artemis had thought; he remembered her delight at meeting such a talented, respectful male archer. At the time, Apollo hadn’t noticed the danger he posed, either. “He was… sly. Artemis never likes me spending too much time with her Hunters, so I saw little of him. By the time I realised who he was – what he was… He’d almost destroyed her.”

He felt himself flare up, the rage and fear when he’d discovered what Orion was truly doing in the Hunt, the way he was grooming Artemis, intent on taking away her maidenhood, of everything that made her the independent goddess she wished to be, writhing around within his essence.

“She didn’t listen to me,” he admitted, and the pain of that stung, too. In the millennia since, they had talked about it, and Artemis had realised how ensnared, how blindfolded, she’d been, but at the time…

At the time, it had been the first true division between the two of them, a rift that for several centuries, Apollo had feared would never mend.

That was the first time he’d truly realised that he’d do anything to protect Artemis. No matter what.

He still wasn’t certain if she’d realised that.

“I cursed Orion,” he continued, skipping over the years of arguments, of fighting, of fearing he was going to lose his twin, either physically or emotionally (or even both) because that was still raw, too raw to talk about. “I couldn’t kill him, but I could drive him mad.” Dionysus had helped, a secret between the two of them. Not even Artemis knew he’d been forced to enlist the help of another god – Orion had always needed two gods to oppose him, after all. “In the end, the Earth killed him.”

In terms of storytelling, it was probably the worst thing he’d ever told. Too staccato, to abrupt, with no pacing and absolutely no embellishment at all. Were the topic anything else, Apollo would have felt embarrassed to have even considering voicing something like that.

But it was Orion, and Orion didn’t deserve a proper story. Nor did Apollo care enough to give him one. Not after everything he’d done and almost done to those he loved.

“He was the first giant to come back,” he said after a moment. “He hunted the Hunt for centuries; more of my sister’s Hunters have fallen to him than any other cause, but he never showed himself when Artemis or I were nearby.”

“I recall the deaths,” Hades told him, his voice quiet. “He hunted Nico and his travelling companions in the recent war.”

Apollo remembered that. “That day was a slaughter,” he said, fury and grief welling up. “We- She lost so many Hunters that day.”

Hades looked at him sharply. “We?”

He’d hoped that slip of the tongue would have gone unnoticed, but the black flames boring into him told him otherwise. It wasn’t like it was a secret, that some of Apollo’s daughters joined the Hunt the same as any other demigods, but voicing it out loud still felt dangerous.

“One of your daughters entered Elysium that day,” Hades said after a moment, clearly realising that Apollo wasn’t going to say it.

Apollo hadn’t realised his uncle knew the parentages of the dead, let alone that he could keep track of where they had all ended up – there were so, so many of them, from across the millennia. Even Apollo, despite his perfect memory, couldn’t fathom remembering every single one.

“Phoebe served Artemis for four thousand years,” he said, because talking about his dead children hurt but they always deserved to be remembered, and as time passed and the mortals that knew them passed, all too often he became the only one who cared to remember them. Artemis would remember Phoebe, too, as would the surviving Hunters, but that still didn’t diminish his desire to remember her. “She joined before Orion.”

Hades said nothing else, but he had started the conversation, and Apollo was grieving Phoebe’s death, still, like he was grieving Jason and Crest and so many others who had died in the past year and he hadn’t had the chance to process yet, so he kept talking, as they traversed Tartarus, slowly descending down in gradual increments. He told Hades about when she was born, about the fate of her mother and the fate that had almost befallen her, about intervening, because the Laws hadn’t been strict on that, back then, and taking her to Artemis, who welcomed her with open arms.

Four thousand years was a long time, and Apollo had a lot of stories to tell about his sharp-tongued, vibrant daughter with her healing hands and strategic mind. He didn’t know if Hades was paying any attention, or if he’d tuned him out as background noise, but his uncle made no indication that he wanted him to stop talking, so he didn’t.

It felt cathartic to talk about her, to share stories even if his audience was both captive and unresponsive, like a celebration of her life rather than a mourning of her death, so when his mood suddenly swung around to grief again, the weight of her death pressing back down on him and stifling his words, forcing him to swallow them down before they turned to sobs, he faltered. Grief was a tricky thing, but never had it changed his feelings so rapidly.

“Apollo.”

Hades spoke for the first time since he’d begun telling the stories, his voice firm and a little sharp. It didn’t overly surprise Apollo that perhaps his uncle had finally tired of hearing him, but the hand that gripped his bicep almost made him jump.

“Focus,” the older god told him. “Cocytus lies ahead.”

The river of lamentation.

Now that Hades had mentioned it, Apollo could hear the whispering cries, the accusations of all those he’d failed to save, of those he’d killed in cold blood and later regretted. They were on the edge of his hearing, words indistinct but intent crystal clear.

He’d briefly come across the river in his rare forays into the Underworld, but it had never troubled him there. Here, in the depths of Tartarus, it was clearly far more dangerous.

Apollo was self-aware enough to know that he had too much raw, unprocessed, grief to be able to push through the river, but at the same time turning back was not an option. The prison was the other side, and no matter what, they had to reach it.

Beside him, Hades’ jaw was unusually set, a stiffness to it the older god would never normally show. His uncle had been unaffected by the Phlegethon, but it was immediately clear that the Cocytus would be a far greater challenge for both of them.

“How do we cross?” Apollo asked, feeling tears welling up, pushing and pushing and pushing until they finally spilled over, down his face. His voice shook, completely out of his control.

Hades tightened his grip on his arm.

“Keep talking,” he said, through grit teeth.

“About what?” Apollo nearly sobbed. They hadn’t stopped walking, and the wailing voices were louder; intellectually, he knew it was just the river, that nothing it was saying was real, but everything was accurate, down to the exact timbre of their voices.

“Your daughter.” It sounded like an order, and it startled Apollo so much the tears halted for a moment.

“Phoebe?” he croaked.

“Yes,” Hades told him impatiently. “Or another one, if you’ve somehow exhausted all your stories about her.”

Normally, Apollo needed no persuading to talk about one of his children – Olympus, he’d just spent the last however long talking about Phoebe – but with the Cocytus wailing his sorrows back at him, the timing felt somehow wrong.

“I-” he started. “Why?”

His uncle’s grip tightened again, his nails digging in almost painfully. “To cross,” he said firmly, “we need a distraction. So: distract.”

Distract who, Apollo didn’t ask. The river’s sole purpose was lamentation – it could not be distracted from its entire being. It was them, the gods, who needed distracting away from the river’s cries, before they ended up in a lot of potential trouble.

Apollo could do one better than talking.

With the Valdezinator destroyed, and returned to Delos beside, and no other instruments with him, he had no accompaniment, but while Apollo liked to blend his voice with the beauty of music, he could carry a tune perfectly fine without. His first instinct was to sing of grief, but he still had enough presence of mind to recognise the river’s influence, and that music, no matter how raw, could not hope to outmatch the river with its own genre.

So he sang of life, of his children – not just Phoebe, but all of them, and their accomplishments. Of everything they did with their lives, the hearts they touched, the stories they made. He celebrated all of them, feeling the ever-present demand of grief pressing against him, trying to smother everything he remembered with joy and override it with the dark bitterness of lamentation.

It was difficult. Not to sing, nor to tell stories of his children, but to keep it away from the inevitable grief that ended each of their times in his life. Cocytus wasn’t interested in the good things, in the light, in the love, in the kindness and laughter. It wanted the tragedy, the heartbreak, to drown Apollo in the tears that he couldn’t keep from falling no matter how brightly the stories shone.

He felt Hades pulling him forwards, shaking him aggressively whenever a strain of grief trickled into his voice until he chased it out and replaced it with joy instead. Part of him registered that it felt strange, to have such prolonged contact with another god – with Hades, the most notorious of all for keeping his distance. It helped him to keep singing, the reminder that Hades wanted him to distract them from the river’s thrall, and followed his uncle as they reached the bank of the river, and waded in.

At the touch of the water, a deep chill that had Apollo’s voice shaking, he stumbled, grief pressing down on him more incessantly, insisting that he stop and let the river pull him so far under he’d never resurface again.

Hades kept him upright.

How his uncle was managing to keep going, one foot in front of the other as they waded through the Cocytus together, assailed by the river’s determination to break them, Apollo didn’t know.

But he kept singing, because it was keeping him something that could almost be deemed functional, and it had been Hades’ idea so perhaps it was what was keeping him going, too. The water around them stopped getting deeper, and then started receding again, and still Apollo sang.

He didn’t stop until Hades pulled them to a halt, finally releasing his arm and taking a half step back, re-establishing his personal space. They were some way past the river; Apollo could almost hear the words within the wails, could certainly still identify the voices. But they were past.

“Clean yourself up,” Hades instructed, not for the first time since they’d arrived in Tartarus. Apollo suspected it would not be the last, either. It was the largest admission of unease his uncle was consistently showing – a need to look perfect, to look untouchable, to the monsters that watched them hungrily as they passed. Apollo understood; appearance had been a large part of his life for a very long time. Fake it ‘til you make it, mortals were fond of saying.

Apollo considered it to be a very important motto, too.

There was no ichor to clean up this time, simply tracks of tears that had cut down through his cheeks. It made a nice change, as Apollo willed himself back into a presentable appearance. He was not a fan of the puffy, gold-stained eyes that crying inflicted upon his face, either.

Hades barely waited for him to clean up before resuming his walk, leaving Apollo to take a couple of larger steps in order to fall back in line with him. Conversation – even one-sided – now felt unwelcome, and while part of Apollo wanted to continue to play and sing his song, especially without grief trying to clog up his voice, the rest of him knew that he, too, had to process what they had just been through, so he kept it to himself.

He was also nervous about the next river; according to Hades, it was Styx, and Apollo could not imagine how that encounter – if, of course, the goddess decided to reveal herself – would pan out. Her actions on the edge of Chaos remained an enigma, and Apollo did not know her well enough to predict what she would do.

When they reached the banks of the river, however long later, the goddess was waiting for them.

Arms crossed, she stood in the middle of the flowing water, her legs seeming to dissolve and merge with the flow of foggy river.

“Oath Keeper,” she greeted, confusing Apollo for a split second, before her black, cruel eyes landed on him and her voice changed to a guttural snarl. “Oathbreaker.”

The look Hades gave him was indecipherable, and Apollo played it safe by not responding to either of them. The last time he had seen the goddess, she had reminded him of the important lessons he had learned and then walked away, allowing him to go free despite her ability – and motive – to unfurl his desperately reaching fingers and cast him into Chaos, much the same way he had cast Python bare moments earlier.

“Styx,” Hades said after a moment’s silence.

“The Oathbreaker does not pass,” Styx said, her eyes still pinning Apollo in place. “You, Hades, Oath Keeper, are free to cross my waters, but I will not allow Apollo the same luxury.”

It felt like Apollo should say something. Not a defence – his oaths had been rash, but that had not made them any less binding, and breaking them no less of an offence – but something.

“We need to cross,” Hades told her, unwavering in the face of her glare. Apollo did not know exactly how close their relationship was, but Styx guarded the Underworld, so clearly there was some degree of a working relationship, if nothing else. “Let us pass.”

“No.” The water swirled around her exposed torso aggressively. “You, Oath Keeper, may cross. Apollo, Oathbreaker, may not.”

“Styx-” Hades started, but the goddess seemingly held no fear for the god of the Underworld as she cut straight across him.

“If you cross my waters, I will take my owed dues.”

Her dark, dark eyes bored straight through into Apollo’s essence, uncomfortable in their intensity, but nothing compared to the painful twist of his insides as the threat registered.

“And what would those be?” he asked, keeping his back straight even though there was a large part of him, god of knowledge or not, that did not want to know what Styx thought an appropriate recompense for his rash oaths. He remembered her threatening him before, with deaths of loved ones, taking the credit for Jason and Crest even though Jason, at least, had been prophesised to die, but it had never completely felt like she had taken her price, not even on the edge of Chaos when she’d turned away instead of casting him down.

Now was a terrible time for her to take it, so of course now would be when she chose to.

Her answer came in the rapids of her water, not words. In an instant, she burst her banks, water cascading down on Apollo. It didn’t drive him to his knees – as a mortal, he would have never stood a chance against the onslaught, but he wasn’t mortal, not anymore, and being one of the twelve Olympians counted for a lot – but it hammered his form nonetheless.

It also showed him images.

Images that made him roar, blasting away the water and shattering the vision of Will, dragged down to Tartarus and tossed from river to river before Styx dragged him down into her depths and his body went slack, blue eyes glassy and lifeless.

“No,” he snarled, knowing that he had no right to dictate the terms of punishment, but refusing to let any of his children take the fall for him.

Styx seemed unconcerned at the way he’d scattered her waters, drawing it all back within the bank and letting the clouded rapids continue hurtling their way down the body of the Pit.

“Anything else,” Apollo continued, his hand tightening around his bow for wont of something to do, “but not my children.”

“You do not get to decide that,” Styx told him, her voice chilling. Apollo trembled, whether with fear or rage, he didn’t want to determine. “Oathbreaker.”

“This is a waste of time,” Hades interjected, catching Apollo’s attention as he began to walk away from the river. “Come, Apollo. There is another way.”

Apollo hesitated, the clear threat to his children making his instincts scream that he had to do something to get them off of Styx’s list of potential retributions. The goddess smiled at him – not a nice smile, but a harsh, cold smile.

“Go,” she told him. “Go, and suffer in the depths of Tartarus. Or…” Her teeth flashed, sharp, like a predator, and uncanny in her otherwise human face, “cross me.”

It was a test, but it was an easy one that Apollo didn’t even have to think about.

If he wasn’t willing to sacrifice everything to save his children, he would never have returned to Tartarus in the first place. Whatever Tartarus – and Styx, it seemed – was willing to throw at him, Apollo would endure. Anything but his children.

He turned his back on the goddess, and followed Hades as his uncle led them away from the river.

Chapter 17>>

#trials of apollo #trials of apollo fanfiction #riordanverse #riordanverse fanfic #pjo apollo #pjo hades #pjo styx #tsari writes fanfiction #eclipse

18 notes · View notes

novafire-is-thinking · 1 year

Text

Thanks for the tag, @figgiforever!

1. Are you named after someone?

Nope.

2. When was the last time you cried?

…I don’t remember.

3. Do you have kids?

^ I don’t plan on ever having kids, so this is my favorite gif to use when I’m asked questions like this. xD

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Not really. Not out loud, anyway. >:) I do have a dry sense of humor (think Cyclonus), but it’s not always sarcastic.

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Physical: I’m not 100% sure what I notice first. Maybe hair? Ah, but I do know that high-contrast features and angular facial structure catch my attention right away. (My blorbo of blorbos is literally made of sharp angles, what else could one expect? lol)

Non-physical: Vibes. Depth. Intrigue. If they seem too easy for me to read, I tend to dismiss them internally unless they pique my interest later.

6. What's your eye colour?

Dark brown/black.

I like to think that Cybertronians would find this mildly disturbing at first. :P

7. Scary movies or good endings?

Depends on how scary. Pure horror is a no.

I like to have a balance. Scare me half to death during the story, but let the ending mean something.

8. Any special talents?

Does exceptional self-awareness count? xD

I have very few practical, concrete skills, but I like to think I have other things I bring to the table of life that make me stand out a bit.

9. Where were you born?

One of the southern provinces of China

10. What are your hobbies?

Studying people, creative problem-solving, introspecting (I do it enough that it counts 😂), contemplating life and all it’s mysteries and weirdness.

(Yes, this is really the sort of stuff I love doing all day, every day—to the exclusion of actually living life. 🫠)

11. Do you have any pets?

No. I’m just not a huge pet person. Most are too demanding for my liking, and the ones that are low-maintenance are…boring. An exotic pet might be worth the effort though. 🤔

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

How fast can I get in and out of this store without ramming anyone with my cart. 😆

Besides that, I used to ride horses, but I haven’t been able to since I moved a couple of years ago.

13. How tall are you?

5 ft. 3 in. (1,60m)

14. Favourite subject in school?

Anything not required. /hj

(Psych, Sociology, and Astronomy were my favorites. And they’re all electives. lol)

15. Dream job?

I wouldn’t say I have a dream job. It’s more like a “dream state of career existence.”

It involves acquiring a PhD, a medical degree, and a bunch of other degrees with the ultimate goal of bringing my interests together. (Psychology, neuroscience, acoustics, etc.)

I would happily spend the rest of my life learning and doing research, and it would be great to be able to offer something unique to both the scientific world and the medical community. (If I don’t get shunned for coming up with too many far-fetched theories, that is. 🫠)

Tagging: @onewingedsparrow @aecholapis @decepticon-nerd @starscreamboyfriend @benadrylcandlewhack and anyone else who wants to answer!

(Correctly-formatted question form is in the replies to make your lives easier)

#soundwave keep an eye on this

20 notes · View notes

glittering-moonlillie · 2 years

Text

Damian Wayne x non-binary! Reader coming out headcanons!

Word Count: 753

Warnings: To be honest, I'm not sure how good this is! I tried my absolute best though.

Summary: As you struggle with your identity, you also worry about how your best friend might react.

The constant anxiety you felt in your own skin could be compared to an army of ants crawling along your flesh, never going away, never leaving

You were never comfortable in your own body, never truly being happy with the gender you were assigned at birth. Sure, you still loved wearing dresses and skirts, but it made you uncomfortable to think that you were forced to be a girl because of that.

It took you a long while to accept that you were non-binary and an even longer time to decide to come out to your friends.

Damian had always been there for you in a way no one else had been. He was critical and brutally honest, but he did his best to be kind and loyal to you. You were allowed to be vulnerable with him and he never once took advantage of that.

He was always so talkative too, never missing the opportunity to state his opinion even if it wasn’t always necessary, but once you realized who you actually were, you suddenly became worried about what he would say - what he’d think.

As much as you loved him as your best friend, you were worried that his overly critical views would ruin the relationship you guys had. It was the main reason why it took you months of building self-confidence and pep talks in your mirror in order for you to muster the courage to walk your way to Wayne Manor.

Your plan, ideally, was to: Go over, hang out with Damian and the rest of his siblings for a bit, casually bring up the fact that you were non binary and hope and pray that it all went well.

Of course, you weren’t foolish enough to believe this plan would be executed perfectly. Being friends with the Wayne’s came with the fact that you would never be able to perfectly plan everything.

Alfred had let you into the Manor once he saw you outside on the doorstep, slowly nodding and briskly stepping to the kitchen to presumably fetch you some tea. He had always said that tea could cure everything, but you were sure it was just a British thing.

Damian was in the vast living room where he and Dick were engaged in a high stakes Smash Brothers battle, Jason on the sofa reading (probably rereading) To Kill A Mockingbird. Tim was most likely hiding away in his room under a pile of blankets.

You made your way over to the two brothers, sitting down next to Damian and watched as he demolished Princess Peach with his Charizard.

Damian greeted you with a quiet hello while the eldest pulled you in for a hug.

The underlying anxiety you felt finally resurfaced as the main problem sat right next to you. You fidgeted with your pleated skirt, running your hands through non-existent folds.

Damian must have noticed your nervous behavior since he had shooed away Dick and Jason and turned off the TV. He always took great care in paying attention to when you were feeling anxious, knowing how important it was to take care of your needs.

He was quick to ask you what was wrong, but you failed to formulate a coherent sentence. All the words you had been dying to tell him dried up immediately in your throat, never seeing the light of day.

You began to overthink once more, wondering if this truly was the best idea. Your friendship with him was not worth breaking over something like this.

Damian’s eyes twisted in confusion, noticing how shallow your breath was and how your fingers continued to fray the ends of your sweater.

“Tell me.” He said softly.

Whether it was because of his upbringing or if it was because of genetics, Damian had always carried a commanding voice with him. No matter how soft it was, his voice was hard to deny.

“I’m…it’s just…” You let out a shaky breath. “I think I’m non-binary.”

You waited for Damian’s reaction, expecting him to cuss you out and cease talking to you forever, but instead he just blinked.

“And…you were nervous about telling me this?”

You silently nodded your head.

“They/Them, I’m assuming?” You hesitantly nodded again, a little shocked at how calm he was acting. Was he not disgusted? Was he not weirded out?

“If it helps,” he added, “This doesn’t change my opinion of you. You will…you’ll always be my number one.” He reached for your hand and gently squeezed it, managing a small smile.

"So you aren't freaked out about this?"

Damian shrugged at your question. "Why would I be? You're still you, and I'm not an idiotic fool to risk losing you over something like this, especially if it makes you happier."

A smile found its way to your lips and you couldn't help but to pull in Damian for a hug. Looking back, you felt silly for being nervous about telling the boy wonder. It was Damian after all, and he would always want to make you happy.

I had to research a bit to do this request accurately. Thankfully, my best friend is non-binary and they helped me a lot when it came to writing this. So, everything that the reader feels is based off what my friend said it felt like when they came out. I feel like being inclusive is really important and I tried my hardest to make this decent, but I'm not sure if I am the best account to go to for this sort of thing! By no means am I saying to not request anything like this again, I would just rather someone get a really well written oneshot instead of something that might not be as accurate. Let me know if you guys liked this (since it's something new!) and if you have any critics I am willing to hear those out too!

#Damian Wayne #Damian Al Ghul #Damian x non-binary! reader #afab! reader #DC #comics #Damian and reader being best friends #batfam #Dick Grayson #non-binary reader #I'm really not sure how good this is #so that should be a tag in itself #there's your warning #requested #anon my beloved #i really hope this is okay for you!

26 notes · View notes

crystalelemental · 1 year

Text

Recent super fun Reddit post about how 1/5 SS Silver is super frustrating and not as good as other PokeFairs got me in some kind of frothing state. Probably because this entire subreddit is a bunch of cowards who are like "the blackout won't do anything, it's just hurting our community," proving once again that Pokemon fans don't deserve rights. Anyway here's 2/5 Silver with his 1/5 grid beating some shit up, including off-typing Lucian.

Look, I'm not going to pretend SS Silver doesn't have flaws. But the notion that SS Silver's flaws are all that extreme is laughable. "He needs two support slots to do his job!" H!Caitlin bro. H!Caitlin gives him literally everything. "But he still needs crit support." If you really want to be greedy on the Buddy move, Aaron exists. At 1/5, you don't need speed buffs, so this checks out. "But why should he need so much support as a PokeFair?" Because they all do? "But look at all the other PokeFairs that came out this year and also SS Hilda." That last one is some serious cherry-picking but sure, let's talk about the others.

Emma needs help topping off Attack and Speed for full effect, and is unreliable at setting her own Poison. Lysandre needs help with special attack. In both scenarios, LA is a nightmare, where Lysandre also needs speed for gauge management, and both nearly require support to reapply their needed status, or their DPS just drops. Woe upon them if the foe is immune. SS Diantha and SS Hau are literally dead without their field effects. If we're talking 1/5, Hau is barely worth discussing, while Diantha can do okay in CS but not LA. For the ones that are super self-sufficient, like Eusine and SS Lana, that self-sufficiency comes with a high price. Eusine's DPS isn't that impressive, and at 1/5 he has none of the sync that distinguishes him from any other Water DPS. SS Lana basically doesn't have a sync, and her single-target DPS, like Eusine's, is pretty bad. That's the tradeoff, they either get to be super self-sufficient, or super powerful but clunky. Take your pick.

SS Hilda is an odd one to bring up because...well yeah, she is insanely powerful and easy to set up. Frankly I'm not sure why they made her so ridiculous. The only real limitation she has is that, at 1/5, her sync sucks ass. My wife has her EX, and it's frankly staggering how bad her sync is without Rising Tide. Even on-type is a bit of a mess.

All this to say...Silver is fairly standard for a PokeFair. If you choose not to invest in him but expect him to perform well as a damage dealer, prepare for disappointment, or to allocate the necessary investment into his success. Aaron is mandatory for a non-3/5 Silver. I can entertain the idea of Lillie, who actually has a fantastic tool in Full Power granting +3 Atk and Sure Crit to make the most of Buddy Move on turn 2, but she's a terrible tank so that was not a fun time. And I can entertain the idea of BP Clemont, but he's Ground weak and that wasn't happening with Bertha. Then again, neither was Lillie who is Poison weak. Basically, a lot of his good tools get specifically bopped this week. It's sad, but also kinda funny. But the point is, traits exist. And when people point them out, and the response is just "Yeah but those are baaaaad," the problem is you. I'm sorry Lillie isn't also a godwall. Not everything gets to be perfect. Figure something out.

Vs. Bertha (Aaron) Aaron does well enough. The main benefit of this kind of team is survival against physical. Masked Royal's debuffs are handy, and Aaron can bulk up provided it's not High Horsepower/Poison Jab at the outset. On-type, even uninvested, Silver's sync does respectable numbers. The real fun is that late-game, provided Aaron's alive, you can flinch with Attack Order and potentially stagger that last turn. I will make the general note that Silver is also frail. So the Earthquake thing was...dire. You really want to make sure the sides are weakened, or that Aaron hits a flinch on them, or it gets bad.

Vs. Bertha (H!Caitlin) Caitlin's hilarious bro. This is so much more consistent than Aaron. The Synchro Heal + shields throwdown is just immaculate. Silver's so much safer here. And you get to run Colress, who is just...so stupid. He's so dumb, I love him.

Vs. Lucian (H!Caitlin) Now here's a fun one. So, off-type this week is usually done with Lucian, because his attacks are the least scary. No natural accuracy buffs, Zen Headbutt and Reuniclus are pretty inaccurate, Colress shenanigans peak on this fight. There is, however, a lot more than bad accuracy rolls that can go wrong. For starters, Silver missing crit on sync. Love when that happens. For another, you will not tank sync without shields, so the rotation is thus:

Caitlin TM, Silver Buddy, Colress Screech.

Caitlin TM, Silver attack center, Colress Screech, Silver sync.

Adrenaline puts you in a better position for three turns later. The goal is spam damage on Lucian, cap Silver's attack if Tricksy didn't MPR, and boost special defense. When Colress has lowered special defense, spam Mirror Shot for evasion. Caitlin takes second sync, just before Lucian gets where he's going. Hope for a quad queue.

At this point, RNG goes haywire, because you need some misses. Hope for Zen Headbutt spam; often Caitlin can take one of those, and they're lower accuracy. Psychic will destroy her. Ideally, Lucian keeps swinging and doesn't use X Accuracy All until later.

From this point, Silver takes every sync. The first will not come anywhere near KOing Lucian, but it puts him in range that you don't need to spam DPS on him. Hit Alakazam once during the interval between third and fourth sync, then sync on Lucian. If his allies dropped...good luck with the quick queue. Provided it works, Lucian will drop. Alakazam is now in range of your new DPS, and the denial prevents Swift from sure-killing your ass. Unfortunately, if both allies are down, you must dodge Psychic. Success here means a two-shot, you win. I'll also note, my 2/5 Silver would have a much easier time of this, thanks to Endurance on grid. It's a good skill, recommend.

This is nowhere near a clean win, but you get the gist. It's possible. Also, if Silver were EX, it'd probably be a hell of a lot easier. But that's the point. It can be done, and the tools are there. It's just clunky. Because he's not 3/5 and EX. That's how it works. Silver's good. Apparently stupid good, since his current solo count is goddamned 9. In a lot of these cases, the problem was less about Silver being clunky, than his supports just being bad for the stage. So like...I dunno what to tell you dude. Skill issue.

#sync pair testing #sygna suit silver

5 notes · View notes

aizawaslovebot · 4 years

Note

Hello idk if you’ll see this or if you’re still accepting request but I wanted to know if you can do an angst male reader where he’s really close to yachi as friends and plays volleyball with the karasuno boys but like he’s ignored and pushed to the side and no one really notices until he leaves the team and moves to Tokyo only to later join the nekoma team and they actually pay attention to him and he kinda has a run in with his old team latter. Sorry if it’s confusing this is my first ask😅

—shadow on the moon

[nekoma x m! reader | karasuno x m! reader]

synopsis: perhaps they relied too much and gave back too less, and this was karma's sign of ending the cycle.

warnings: angst, self-depreciation, + hmm i feel like it's lackluster because i couldn't imagine karasuno doing something like this

words: 1350

—note: i couldn't write the reunion part? idk why i've rewritten it a few times now but i'm not satisfied ㅠㅠ if you want something changed, please tell me!!

<- go to navigation | go to haikyuu m.list ->

It was ambitious of you to dream of becoming heard when they couldn’t even spare you one glance.

You didn’t want to place the blame on the team. It wasn’t their fault that you’ve always been hardly in the limelight. It wasn’t their fault that you’ve always been a wallflower. It wasn’t their fault that you could easily be outshined by anyone in the team.

It was, however, their fault for their inability to notice your presence no matter how hard you tried.

As a middle blocker in Karasuno, it was appalling how they failed to acknowledge you and your prowess— to the point that you even doubted you had the ability to block for the team at all. Communication has never been easy for an introvert like you, who always depended on the possibility of some extrovert adopting you into their social circle. So despite the overflowing hurt built up on the prospect of being casted to the sidelines, always shoved to the benches as a warmer, you were unable to voice anything out.

This arrangement continued even through your second year with the team. Heck, it even got worse— with the way Hinata, who, no matter how small, easily got the attention of everyone, and Kageyama, a naturally-born genius with a career ahead of him, you were easily overshadowed by first years of all people.

Truthfully, you should’ve been in Nekoma High right now. At the end of your first year at Karasuno, your dad was promoted and was given the privilege of an apartment in Tokyo for easier access to his new work. You were very naive to push the move to months later, desperately hoping for at least acknowledgement from the team, that they recognize you as one of their middle blockers.

It wasn’t the case at all. Were you that replaceable? Were you that insignificant to the team? Were you that unnoticeable? Were you so useless that they won’t even miss you at all?

Perhaps he could take back that last thought.

A very kindhearted first year managed to notice you, introvertedness and all. Yachi Hitoka had come to be someone very dear to you, someone who had always been ignored. You were not used to the attention she gave you but you managed to get used to her warmth. The way she’d greet you first out of anyone in the gym or the way she fretted whenever you needed to be bandaged on the rare days you get to play— everything about her was warm.

And you’d be forever grateful for the kindness, the attention, and the love she had extended for someone as unnoticeable as you.

Sadly, all the tears can’t be prevented. Even as Yachi rushed to see you one last time before your departure, nothing can’t stop the inevitable partition between a wall-flower like you and the continuously developing crows. You couldn’t help noticing the way only she had come to see you one last time, but you swallowed it all once you remembered you chose not to tell anyone else.

It’s not like they cared anyway.

But, there’s no use dwelling on the past. You’re far happier where you are today— with a family who always made it upon themselves to vocalize their recognition for the immense talent you had.

You had met the members of Nekoma twice: on that one game on the last day of golden week and during the training camp in Tokyo. Sure, you weren’t actually given the chance to play that much but you were beyond amazed at their prowess. No one seemed to outshine anyone in the team and everyone worked harmoniously regardless of their skill level. What you silently wished for, the chance of having a team like that, actually came true.

The day you joined them was memorable, far more memorable than you’ve ever imagined.

“Y-You’re K-Karasuno’s middle blocker!” Number 7, Inuoka, you think, gasped when you entered the gym with Coach Nekomata and Coach Naoi.

Taken aback at how you, of all people, were easily recognized, you staggered in embarrassment. You hid behind Coach Naoi which caused the two coaches to snort or laugh because of your actions.

Lev perked up in curiosity, vaguely remembering a middle blocker from the last training camp who, despite the way he stood out from the rest, wasn’t actually a starter. Stumbling like a deer who was recently born into the world, Lev ran up to you with sparkling eyes. However, it was really a scary sight if anyone were in your shoes.

“Why are you at Nekoma? Why weren’t you a starter? How come I’m taller than you but you’re better? Is there a se—” Yaku, the one who was like Suga-senpai, grinned wryly and dragged the excitable first year away from you after he apologized.

After hearing the coach’s announcement regarding your transfer, Kuroo smirked.

“It looks like Karasuno carelessly let someone as talented as you go.”

Judging from the way you flinched, Kenma immediately concluded there was more to it so he kicked the captain’s shin without regard.

“A-ah… They don’t really notice me at all,” was your quiet reply, which took everyone by surprise.

“EHH?! Well, we’ll take care of you! Welcome to Nekoma, (L-(L/N)-san!!” Yamamoto cheered, though he faltered when he shyly uttered your name.

The team was far more accepting, you mused, as you were unable to stop the comparison from your former team. It wasn’t that Karasuno was all high and mighty— they just couldn’t make it feel like you were a part of them and for so long, you figured it was because of how you were behind everyone else.

Nekoma reminded you that despite that, if that were really the case, you weren’t alone. They like to exaggerate by saying you were really talented, and you were, and it made you feel like you were having progress— like you were part of the family.

While you slowly began to progress from your past, the flock of crows weren’t doing so well. In fact, they weren’t doing good at all. When Yachi arrived to practice, right after the day you left, no one could deny the drop in her mood. Something was wrong but no one could place it.

Their ignorance only made Yachi even sadder.

Their realization came later than anyone ever wanted. No one could deny the decline in their defense. After all, they had always been too complacent— relying on the shadow of which they were sure was there to block in place of others. Perhaps they relied too much and gave back too less, and this was karma’s sign of ending the cycle. The shadow of which they relied on has found its light, leaving everyone else in the dark.

The quality of Karasuno’s plays slowly declined and it shone through during their practice match with Dateko before they leave for Tokyo. There’s nothing they could do though. After hearing from Kenma that their middle blocker transferred to them— to their fated rival, of all people— the mood amongst the members dropped. They can’t be like the protagonists in coming of age movies where limits are non-existent or main characters who, despite all odds and flaws, get to reunite with their love interest. They know that they’re living in reality and reality has made it a point to tell them how big of a mistake it was to underestimate you, your skills, and your being.

No one would expect, not even Coach Ukai or Coach Takeda, that you had been so hurt all this time. All they could do is wait for the day that the fated rivals battle it off in court, and this time, you stand on the opposite side.

It was ambitious of you to dream that you would be heard, but not a single soul can stop a dreamer from reaching their goals. It was ambitious to dream that they would finally realize your worth but you succeeded. So as they weep in regret and sorrow over their late revelation, you finally stand proud with the family you always wanted.

—reblogging helps, thank youu!!

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x male reader #nekoma x male reader #karasuno x male reader #angst #platonic #haikyuu!!#hq #x reader #x male reader #daichi sawamura #kuroo tetsuroo #yachi hitoka x male reader

1K notes · View notes

omenapologist-moved · 3 years

Text

I believe negative social atttitudes towards different sexualities, genders, morality, paraphilias, and more are either the root cause of or contribute to some subsets of OCD.

This got longer than I expected. CW for talking about mental illness, detransitioning, and pedophilia. I don’t go into graphic detail about CSA, for what it’s worth, but I know some people will be upset regardless so I felt the need to add a disclaimer.

so, sexual orientation obsessive compulsive disorder or SO-OCD (formerly known as HOCD; homosexual obsessive compulsive disorder or just “gay ocd” but considering anyone of any sexuality can be affected by this SO-OCD makes more sense) in my opinion only exists as a product of a homophobic society. I do not think, for the most part, people would develop an obsessive fear about whether or not they are gay if it were accepted and a non-issue like how being straight is. as someone with OCD myself, it targets that which is important to us and doesn’t exist in a vacuum.

At the start of my transition, I began developing obsessive thoughts surrounding my gender identity. What if I’m not actually trans? What if I’m wrong and I need to detransition? What if I’m just a fucked up and confused girl? and so on, even though I have always experienced acute physical dysphoria, feel a lot better about myself when I’m referred to with masculine language, and transitioning in general has made me happier and more comfortable in my body than ever before. That’s the nature of the illness. It distorts our cognition and hyperfixates on the uncertainty of things. There is no set-in-stone way to well and truly know your gender or sexuality, because these things are extremely fluid and personal and influenced by your environment, as is the case with social constructs.

Now, why would I be so troubled by this? If I am wrong and I decide to detransition, sure, I’ll have more body hair and a deeper voice and, come november, a flat chest, but all of these things have solutions, too. It isn’t the end of the world, or my life, if I detransition, but I most likely won’t! But the reason I was developing these obsessions is honestly pretty simple. At the time, I placed my own gender and transition at very, very high importance, someone I had previously been close to began detransitioning, and the fucking Youtube algorithm of all things began recommending me the vlogs of several detransitioned FTMTF people. But most pertinently, the pervasive attitude in most circles that detransitioning is the worst possible thing ever and is life-ending and you’re going to be ruined forever if you’re wrong about your gender. All of this created a cocktail of self-doubt in me.

I’ve gotten a lot better, and fortunately those obsessions didn’t swing fully into a gender-focused OCD, but I know that isn’t the case for everyone, and I’m getting a little off topic here, anyway.

POCD, or pedophilia obsessive compulsive disorder, must be a living hell. POCD is the obsessive fear that you are or might become a pedophile. Here’s a pretty good source talking about POCD in better detail. I need to make it explicitly clear that people with POCD are not pedophiles.

I think in no small part those who struggle with this subset of OCD are made worse by society’s attitude towards pedophilia. That being, even if you never hurt a child ever, even if it remains only within the realm of your thoughts, a pedophile is the worst possible thing you can ever be, and if you even think about attraction to a minor you should be subject to an endless barrage of increasingly creative means of violence and execution.

But here’s the thing. You can’t control having a paraphilia. You don’t get to just opt out of it, as convenient as that may be. I don’t believe we should condemn an entire swath of people, notably those who have done no harm, because they have a paraphilia they did not choose to have. This attitude hurts these people directly and absolutely does not help cut down on sex crimes against minors. Because rather than being able to pursue help, they hide it, and keep it to themselves, and it festers and worsens like an infected blister until eventually it pops, and the aftermath causes suffering for all.

And not only does this attitude hurt people with this paraphilia, not only does it not help in “protecting the children”, it hurts people who do not have the paraphilia; those with POCD. I’ve been in OCD forums and I have seen people struggling so fucking hard with the complete and utter self-loathing brought about by POCD, and what hurts even more is that more often than not they cannot talk about it in fear of losing their jobs, their families, their friends, and their livelihoods. Which, coincidentally is the exact same issue this attitude inflicts on those who are pedophiles. Isn’t it shocking that stigma doesn’t incentivize people to ask for help, nor does it make anything better?

I am not saying we should ~normalize pedophilia~ or whatever, rather, we shouldn’t have this disgusting attitude towards them of “kill on sight!” and should instead try to figure out what helps these people without having minors hurt. All too often I see self-identified prison abolitionists and harm reductionists calling for the imprisonment or death of these people, and that shows me that you don’t actually want prisons to be abolished or to do the least amount of harm. You just want to be the wardens, the ones able to deal out the harm because you think yourself to be right and just. And that way of thinking simply is not in line with anarchism, and honestly, leftism in general.

#politics tag #paraphilia #pocd #ocd #MAP discourse #basically I cannot and will not be comfortable with calling for violence against swaths of people #especially when that violence is COMPLETELY avoidable if you just take the time to care about others and see them as human

147 notes · View notes

collisiondiscourse · 3 years

Text

Man, why does it feel like the threshold for success has a time limit? I always feel like if I'm not an insanely popular artist or powerful influencer by the time I turn eighteen, then I am an utter failure and a waste of my teenage years. I think one of the biggest pitfalls of how the generation of kids today has been raised is that we've basically been socialized to think that our best achievements have to come in our youth or else they become virtually worthless.

Like... Oh? you're a talented pianist and played in front of an auditorium of hundreds at an opera house? how old were you when that happened?

A forty-seven-year-old would be met with a few impressed nods, maybe, and people congratulating them for all their hard work and experience.

A fourteen-year-old would get news articles. they'd go viral on the internet and thousands of people would be clambering over each other to sing praises of how they were blessed with such innate talent.

I get it. It's impressive, right? Because they're young and haven't had plenty of years of experience. These kids, by all means, deserve all the praise and attention for working hard to get where they were!

But that's not the case, is it? And the culture of people putting more credit for young people's achievements doesn't even fuckin end there.

Because not only does this exact same pattern happen with literally every single thing ever, even totally non-competitive hobbies like painting, it happens with such frequency that it's considered normal. Articles use age markers about successes to serve as clickbait for their articles. Cable companies start shows purely about young prodigies and how they've beaten their adult competitors. Because who wouldn't wanna hear about a ten-year-old chess champion, right?

And what's even worse is that it then becomes a competition even among young people themselves! You scroll down on a video of a pre-teen playing Winter Wind and I promise you there will be at least one asshole saying shit like "This kid is not impressive. I saw a nine year old do the same thing the other day!"

It eats away at you! It really fucking does! because we go down this stupid rabbit-hole wherein younger and younger kids get paraded around and raised to be prodigies and meanwhile here you are, sixteen, and having a panic attack because you can't go back in time and force your eight-year-old self to keep playing the violin. It's stressful. It aches. Instead of bringing up younger people around us, we're stuck in this miserable zone where we constantly get compared and pitted against each other because we couldn't "maximize our childhood".

Isn't it enough to just... exist?

There have already been many conversations on the nature of college. How it's utter BS that people have to choose what career they want for the rest of their lives as early as junior year in HS. But what a lot of people don't talk about is just how early people are forced to decide what hobbies they want to do for the rest of their lives. People who start learning how to play an instrument at 28 can't do so without constantly being questioned why they started so late. A drawing with decent coloring garners more credit and attention for the average tween than the struggling middle-aged woman, despite both having an equal amount of experience with visual arts.

Parents constantly tell their children to study harder, to practice more--to just keep on work, work, working until their children become the perfect model dolls they use flex to one another over brunch. It's constantly having your name be followed up by your latest achievement and not anything about who you are as a person.

"This is Codi. She is a straight-A student and got invited to compete at Harvard."

"This is Codi. She is on her school's math team and knows how to play the piano."

"This is Codi. She is--"

I am a human being, thank you.

It's never "This is Codi, and he loves fashion and losing at video games." or "This is Codi, and he likes listening to annoying pop songs from the early 2010s and laying down in the rain."

Why? because none of that matters! None of that is worth listening to because anything less than what I can do to represent my family, my school, my team, my country will never be anything more than a waste of time. It's toxic, how today's generation of teenagers have to be celebrities or important figures or champions or prodigies before they are people.

It gets worse, though.

People start counting your talents like tally marks for points. You can't "just be an artist" anymore. If you draw, then you also have to be good at writing. And poetry. And graphic design. And a sport. Oh, you only know one language? Oh, you've only learned the basics of the guitar? It's like a fucking marker, ticking off boxes to determine the worth of these teenagers on the marketability of their achievements.

And, okay, it's a misrepresentation to only blame parents, right? Because it's a systematic thing. A new societal expectation for kids to be the next fucking Renaissance--with peer pressure for things like relationship experience and wild stories too. We kids now worry about not being special enough, not phenomenal enough, or beautiful enough, or talented enough, or smart enough, or experienced enough. And it's weird!

It's weird how teens now flex how tired and burnt out they are! It's weird how I've had conversations that turned into competitions of how many bullshit responsibilities we have on our plate. It's weird how I've met kids on the honor roll that are so adamant to prove to people that they've gone to parties, had alcohol, and slept around.

It's a goddamn tragedy, watching so many of my peers turning into burnouts before they've even graduated high school.

We are expected to be the most. If that one singer could do it, if that one global warming activist could do it, if that one Olympic athlete could do it--then why can't you? Why can't you have over 20.7k followers on Twitter? Why can't you have started your own band and release a popular album? Why can't you have published your own book by now? Why can't you be good enough?

I sit here, typing away at this stupid post and being unhappy and feeling like I am not good enough. I am an artist. I am a writer. I speak more than one language and play more than one instrument. I used to be a straight-A student and nationally competed in maths and sciences competitions. I am an international finalist for my sport and have multiple gold medals from foreign countries.

Yet still, I feel like my timer is running short.

#codi.txt #idk im just. ranting i guess lol #vent #tw vent #long post #tw long post #listen to codi ramble about stuff literally no one but he cares about !!#sorry im just. in my feelings rn

143 notes · View notes

thefallenbibliophilequote · 4 years

Text

If you’ll have me

Bucky x insecure!reader

Summary: my entry to “The Other Punk’s 500 Writing Challenge” by the lovely @buckys-other-punk I chose the prompt: “I want you to remember: you deserve this”

The reader moves to the avengers compound, she soon learns how easy it is to fall for a certain supersoldier and how easy it is to give into the lies your brain tells you, and how hard it is to see your own worth in a building full of superheroes.

Warning: panic attacks, self-image issues, anxiety, bad writing, fluff of course, all the themes from the 2012 avengers mindset, endgame!steve is non-existent and everyone is alive bc wow I changed the timeline!

Word count: 4,677

A/N: this prompt could have gone in a spideypool comic kinda way- sarcastic and witty and funny; Or in the direction that I took, I’m at a rough spot so I decided to write the kind of fic that I could use right now. This is the first time I’m sharing my writing, to anyone. So hopefully my nerves won’t be the death of me.

A/N 2: so, I planned this to be around 2k but it got out of hand and the characters did whatever they wanted, I had no control and so the plot is different than what I originally thought.

—

You can’t say no to Tony Stark, you learned that very early on in your friendship. It was absolutely impossible. So when he out of the blue showed up at your apartment at 2am with a request to move out of your house and into the Avengers compound… you knew there was no way out.

Unlike your best friend, you were more introverted, the thought of moving into a big compound full of superheroes and gods was scary for a civilian. But tony needed you, and you are nothing if not loyal to him.

Ever since the fight between tony and Steve, he told you how lonely he felt in the big tower, after they made peace and settled back into the tower- even though they talked it out and were understanding, tony wanted you around.

“It’s to ease the tension, you are easy to get along with, they will all love you. And you got me to talk about my emotions so maybe you could help them. A little normal in our chaotic life, it’s purely logical.” He said to you, but you could read him better than that. Yes, his argument was logical, but he just wanted a friend.

So of course, you agreed. Working for Pepper was so much better than your old stupid job, she was an angel compared to your mean boss. So a month later you moved into the compound and settled in with Pepper on your new job as her assistant.

When you first met the infamous Winter Soldier he was back from a visit to Wakanda just a few days after you moved in. You noticed his left arm was different from what you’ve seen on the news- it was now black and a little golden, no red star in sight.

He was laughing with The Falcon and ran his fingers through his short hair when tony walked with you into the common room his arm around your shoulder as you walked towards the two avengers. Tony told you everything, so you knew about their past and while he told you how they both decided to move on from that you where still a little nervous.

“Y/N meet: Birdie and Spiky.” Tony gestured forward as he took you to meet the two avengers “Guys, this is the incredible Y/N.”

“I’m Sam, pleasure to meet you.” He nodded to you and shook your hand “this is Spiky.”

“Spiky? Really Tony, you could do better than that, my hair is not that spiky.” He shook his head but you could hear the amusement in his voice. That was a good sign you thought, but that was before he looked at you and you saw his eyes, the blue piercing through your soul. “I’m Bucky.”

“Y/N” you raised your left hand to shake his, you could see a slight tension forming in his eyes as he raised his vibranium hand to meet yours, eyes studying you. You smiled at him.

He flashed you a smile that made your heart skip a bit. This is definitely going to be a problem.

“Are you a new recruit?” Sam had asked you then.

“Oh no, I’m just a friend.” You looked at tony with a smirk “apparently this guy can’t function without me so I decided to move here, for the sake of saving the world from the worst cook ever.”

“It was one time Y/N! I did not mean to blow up your microwave.” Tony looked betrayed as he looked at you.

“I present to you one of the world’s greatest mechanics ladies and gentlemen!” you waved your hands towards Tony. You could see the amusement in his eyes, giving in his failed look of annoyance.

“I already regret my decision,” he groaned and rolled his eyes at you. “I hate you.”

“No you don’t.”

“Well, it was very nice to meet you Y/N,” Bucky redirected the conversation to you again, A sincere look on his face. “I hope we will see you around more then.”

“Unfortunately, we have to go, Cap is waiting for us.” Sam nodded towards you and Tony. You returned a goodbye before tony swept you away to show you his new project.

“What was it back there lover boy?” Sam teased Bucky when you were out of earshot. Bucky looked back at you and shook his head.

“Don’t know what you are talking about, Wilson.”

“Sure” Sam laughed at him but let it go.

As much as you hated to admit that tony was right, it didn’t take long for the team to warm up to you and take you as one of their own. Two weeks later and you found your place there. Natasha and you became quite close as you, Wanda, and Pepper occasionally had girls night.

Tony was smug all day long when one day at the lab Bruce told you that you’re very calming to have around. When Steve and Sam agreed and said it could have a good effect on the team Tony’s smugness somehow increased. It was very annoying. No one should ever let Tony be proved right.

Thor was the biggest puppy you have ever met, basically a Labrador. You found out his slight obsession with pop tarts, and you took it on yourself to educate him on some pop culture because let’s be honest who would turn down an opportunity to watch your favorite movies with someone who wouldn’t object to any of them. When you one time watched the Sherlock Holmes movie with Thor and Steve came in and said he didn’t watch it, you decided it is absolutely essential to have a movie night. You found Clint in the vents shouting an agreement to you.

Even though you managed to befriend Thor, Loki and you soon became good friends. He appreciated your skill of lie detecting and you two often sat and read books together.

Then there was Bucky, your friendship started to form when you joined in on a prank on Sam. You and Bucky ran so fast, dying of laughter, as Sam chased you around with his brand new sparkly pink wings.

From there you friendship blossomed, but to your dismay so did your little crush. It started from invitations to go on walks, to him coming to your door in the dead of the night in seek for comfort after a nightmare. You always let him in. you’d listen to him if he wanted you to, and you distracted him when he didn’t.

Your best friend never showed up to breakfast so you’d sit next to Bucky instead. In movie nights you found Bucky saving you a seat next to him every time until he didn’t have to, it was a silent agreement amongst the team.

You never would have expected the next development though: Bucky was a cuddler. It started small, a hand on the small of your back in the morning when he entered the kitchen. Then an arm in the dark around your shoulder, stroking your arm as you all sat and watched a movie.

“Can I just maybe lie down?” he asked one night. It was 3am and the dark circles under his eyes made your heart ache. You just nodded but were surprised at his actions. You assumed he meant to lie down on the bed rather than sitting against the headboard. He lowered himself on the bed and put his head on your thighs and began to talk to you. You got over your momentary shock to listen to what he wants to talk about, absentmindedly you found yourself stroking his short hair. It was soft and from his content sigh he seemed to enjoy it too.

Imagine the Fourth of July. Now, imagine it with a bit more… Tony. That’s exactly what happened to Steve’s birthday party. Tony told you all about what he was planning weeks before, and you two worked about it endlessly since then. You were a bit annoyed at first, it was way too extravagant to your taste but now that you’re standing at the entrance, looking down from the stairs at all the people there, you couldn’t help but feel proud. The people there varied, from the avengers to the agents you didn’t recognize and all sorts of people who you assumed were high profiled? Never the one to initiate a conversation with a stranger you went ahead to the bar to try and find Tony.

Instead, at the bar you found Natasha who sat there with a drink, scaring away anyone who tried to bother her, you of course she welcomed.

“I’m so glad you came! I know it’s not really your thing but this place looks amazing, so is your dress!” Natasha gashed at you.

“You look absolutely incredible Nat!” you took in her tight short stress and how well she looked in it, she was your friend but you could feel the discomfort start to grow. You smoothed down your skirt. “Do you know where tony is?”

“he is probably talking to some rich assholes who are leaning in to his every word” she joked with you, “I think I saw him with our birthday boy so maybe you should ask him.” She nodded to behind you.

“Steve! Happy birthday!” you rushed to hug him. “How do you like the party?”

“Well, tony sure has expensive taste, it’s lovely Y/N.” America’s golden boy smiled at you.

“Speaking of tony, have you seen him?”

“Yeah, he was actually looking for you earlier, he’s right there.” Steve pointed to the other side of the room where tony stood with Pepper, surrounded by a group of people.

With a short thank you, you attempted to make your way there, casting tens of apologies as you tried to shuffle through the dancing crowd. From the corner of your eye you spotted Bucky, sitting on the couch next to a girl who was basically sitting in his lap, you saw the smile on his face, you never saw that kind of smile on him before. In an attempt to ignore the twist in your stomach, you continued pushing people until you found Tony, surrounded by a whole new group now. When he noticed you and the look on your face, he whispered to Pepper who then diverted the conversation away from Tony- who slipped away towards you.

“Hey darling, I tried to find you earlier.” He told you as he gave you a hug.

“It took me a little longer to get ready I guess.” You looked behind you to see Bucky still with that girl, you adjusted your dress.

Tony took in your actions. He knew you too well.

“Do you want to go outside, a little bit of fresh air could help?”

“No, no you love these parties! I can’t take you away from that.” You dismissed it quickly.

“Well fine, if you want me to enjoy it so much then dance with me.” He dragged you to the DJ and you heard him ask for a couple of slower songs, and then dragged you to the middle of the dance floor. You heard your favorite song playing and tony enveloped you in his arms, immediately comforting you. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“There isn’t really much to talk about, you know how sometimes these parties can trigger me. Sometimes it can make a person like me feel a bit inadequate I guess.” You leaned your head on his chest.

“You’re better than all of these people sweetheart, you’re my best friend tell me who made you feel like this and I will personally give them a free ride to Antarctica.” You could see him doing that which made you laugh.

“With all the penguins? That sounds fun though.” You argued.

“Oh you’re right. I guess I’ll have to think of a different place then. Do you think Barnes would like the desert? I mean with that metal arm it must heat up-”

“Wait what? Why would you say Bucky?” that sneaky son of a bitch.

“Come on, I saw you look at him, did he make you feel bad?” tony looked you in the eyes this time, sincere.

“No,” you shrugged. “I just saw Nat and all these beautiful agents and then I saw him with one and I guess it just made me feel bad way too fast. He didn’t do anything wrong.”

Some days were worse than others, some days it was just a few passing thoughts, some it was thunder and dark lingering clouds.

“Well, there isn’t a point in me telling you how gorgeous you are because you will never believe me, even though you are and I should probably get you an eye doctor, maybe schedule something with Dr. Cho. Anyway, if this is because of Barnes, then I can assure you he only has eyes for you.”

“I don’t need an eye doctor!” you hit his arm and laughed, before putting your head back on his chest. “And about the other thing, I doubt that. I think maybe he should be with someone more like him, which makes more sense.” You still looked around, not seeing Bucky anywhere.

“I don’t think you should make any sort of decision when you’re this anxious. I don’t think you’re capable of clear judgment in this situation darling.” He said to you quietly, worried overtones in his voice.

“I’m fine Tony, I’m not that anxious.”

“your hands are shaking Y/N…” as he told you that, you looked at the hand you put on his chest, his hand now cradled it as you saw it shaking. How did you not notice it? When tony saw as you realized what was happening he knew there was no room for argument. “I’m taking you away.”

You put up no fight as he quickly managed to take you away without drawing too much attention. You didn’t see Bucky searching for you in the crowd after that.

Bucky sat there on the couch, happy for his best friend as he enjoyed his party. He was smiling uncomfortably as the girl next to him scooted closer to him. His mental health got a lot better, and his confidence grew- he felt the man he once was but newer, most of the time. Big crowds still managed to get to him though. He nodded along to the girl next to him who refused to call him anything but James, he tried to be polite. He hated the crowds, you would know that. He thought. Then he heard your favorite song playing from the far side of the room, there he finally saw you, dancing with Tony. He knew tony was your best friend, but he still felt a tug at his heart as you put your head near his arc reactor.

He has been pondering on when to tell you about his feelings for you, confident that you wouldn’t turn him down. The two of you grew so close, you were an absolute angel to him. He saw you hit Tony’s arm and suddenly his smile turned genuine. He knew you felt the same way as him, it was hard to ignore. You seemed almost as happy as he is when the two of you are alone. Maybe he could tell you tonight.

“James? Are you even listening to me?” the girl called him.

“Yes, sorry, your name is August right?” she nodded at him. “Sorry but I have to go, I have a couple of things to do.” He got up then and went towards where he last saw you, but you where nowhere to be found.

The next day tony seemed to be stuck at your side, you tried to tell him that you’re fine but he insisted to “borrow you from Pepper because he needs an assistant.” Or so he claims. Apparently he needed an assistant to buy him ice cream in your favorite flavor or to cook him a meal which coincidentally happens to be your favorite desert- to give him credit he did try to help but he might have tried to mix the eggs with the flour and got it all over the counter. You burst into a fit of laughter and he told F.R.I.D.A.Y to order pizza. So, the two of you sat in the kitchen with your pizza, after cleaning the place.

“I might have to borrow you from Pepper more often, you are a great assistant.”

“Yeah, sure” you played along before setting your pizza down. “Thank you Tony.”

“Anytime” He smiled at you through a mouthful of pizza.

The kitchen door opened, and in stumbled Steve and Bucky, who for once slept in today.

“Well hello boys, what got you looking so bad?” Tony smirked at them.

“It’s all Thor’s fault, he brought the Asgardian mead.” Steve said, you laughed at his hangover state, it was rare but precious.

“Hey doll, I didn’t get to talk to you yesterday, couldn’t find you.” He smiled at you, his rough voice nearly killed you- you were certain. You looked over at tony as you stumbled over what to say.

“We left early, she claimed I was too drunk and should get some air.” He winked at you “isn’t she just the best Barnes?” he then looked at Bucky; you swear you hated him sometimes.

“An absolute angel,” Bucky replied, assessing tony. “But you seem okay enough.”

“Yes well I tried telling her, but she insisted.” Tony easily replied and matched Bucky’s stare.

“How did you manage to get him to actually listen to you Y/N? That’s impressive.” Steve commented, oblivious to the slight tension as he made coffee.

“Years of practice I guess, it is hard to accomplish because he sure can be an ass sometimes.” You kicked Tony under the table to look at you. He only smiled.

“Capcicle doesn’t like that kind of language Y/N.” you heard Steve groaning as he put a coffee cup in front of Bucky who was seated next to you, and sat in front of him next to tony.

“That happened years ago Tony!”

“Doll, I was wondering if you wanted to watch a movie later maybe?” Bucky leaned in to ask you, before you could answer though, Steve spoke up.

“Why is there flour on the counter?”

“On your ass too, you picked the wrong chair.” Tony helpfully chimed in “you know, those pants do nothing for your ass.”

“Tony messed up the kitchen, I guess we didn’t clean it all.” You said apologetically and got up. “I actually have a lot of things to do for Pepper today, since tony stole me, so I should probably go start on that.” You exited the room, looking forward to a distraction at work.

“Tony, you know you shouldn’t cook!” Steve patted the chair, and then sat on it again.

“Hey, I was only trying to help Y/N in baking a cake, I had good intentions!” tony defended.

“Why was she making a cake in the afternoon?”

“Relax Barnes, I asked her to bake me a cake but when it tragically somehow blew up we settled on pizza.” Tony lifted up his slice of pizza in proof. “Why do you care anyway?”

“What kind of question is that?” Bucky looked at him quizzically. “Tony, is there some sort of a problem?”

“I’m just asking, why do you care about her?” Steve noticed the change in the question but Bucky just looked confused.

“I care about her because she is my friend, just like the rest of you here!” Bucky was getting angry by the second, where was this all coming from?

“Yes, but do you care about her only as a friend?” tony asked and this time Bucky noticed the change and his anger all melted away.

“No.” he admitted, not bothering to hide it. “Were you just trying to get me to confess my feelings?”

“They learn things so fast, don’t they Steve?” he looked at an amused Steve who just nodded.

“Even I couldn’t get him to say something. Good job Tony.”

“Okay, I am leaving, this is clearly an ambush.” Bucky left the kitchen then.

Bucky was headed to his room to clear his head, hoping you won’t be as busy tomorrow. He was in the hallway when he passed your room, it was then that he heard your TV on; he recognized the theme song of Brooklyn Nine-Nine playing. Why were you watching TV when you said you’re working? Bucky went to his room and decided to let it go.

For the next week Bucky studied your moves carefully. You started to avoid going out with him, making excuses that he could easily read as lies. At night you accepted him with open arms to talk about his nightmares, but he noticed you smiled less now. When movie night came along he found the seat next to him empty as you sat next to tony, he wasn’t the only one to notice it. That was it for him.

“Nat,” he found Natasha the next day alone in the common room. “Do you know if Y/N is upset with me?”

“Probably, yes, I don’t know why though.” Natasha shrugged.

“I don’t know what I did, she is still nice to me but she avoids even being in the same room as me.” Bucky sat next to her. The assassin put her book down finally and paid attention to Bucky. “I don’t know what to do; I can’t accuse her of anything. I just feel something is wrong. We were really close.”

“I’m sure it’s nothing major, you should talk to her.” Natasha put her hand on his, to try and comfort her friend. She’s seen the way you looked at each other, it was impossible to miss the connection.

You entered the room, unaware of the conversation until you looked up and the two avengers stopped talking and looked at you, but you looked at the position they were in, you were clearly interrupting a private conversation.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize you were here. Sorry, I’ll leave you two alone.” You exited the room before Bucky even stood up, he came to seat back down but Nat kicked him.

“What are you doing? Go and talk to her!” she all but commanded him. He wasn’t going to fight Natasha, that’s just a lost cause.

You were safe in your room, it was all fine. Everything was fine. You couldn’t have expected that falling for an avenger would be a good idea. They are different from you, you’re just… you. They are superheroes. Everyone in the building is either a highly trained agent or one of the top scientists in the world. You were just Tony’s friend, here to support him and maybe bring some normalcy to the superheroes. How could you possibly compete with all that? Your lungs felt too tight, it’s like you could barely breathe.

“Miss Y/N I am recognizing symptoms of a possible panic attack, would you like me to call Mr. Stark?” F.R.I.D.A.Y called to you, snapping you out of your daze.

“No, don’t call tony, or anyone, can you just talk me through breathing?” the AI complied until you managed to calm down and get your breathing right. Bless Tony Stark, anxiety can fuck off.

“Miss, Sergeant Barnes is requesting to open the door; I have shut it alongside any outside noise, would you like me to lift it?”

“Yes F.R.I.D.A.Y, thank you.” You could handle it. You opened the door to see a frustrated Bucky. “Hi Bucky, what do you need?”

Bucky just stepped right into your room and shut the door behind him.

“I need you to tell me what did I do wrong?”

“What? You didn’t do anything wrong.” You were confused now.

“Then why the hell are you avoiding me? I thought you were happy, I thought you wanted me around.” Oh, how could you explain this to him without him taking pity on you?

“Of course I want you around Bucky, it’s okay it’s not that. I’m just giving you space. It’s alright.” You tried to assure him, while also hoping you could convince yourself.

“Giving me space? Doll I don’t want space away from you. Why are you pulling away from me?” he reached for your hand, his metal arm trying to bring you closer.

“Bucky, really it’s alright. Just let this go.” You pleaded him.

“No it’s not alright, I’m not alright. Because the woman I’m in love with is pushing me away and I don’t know what to do to bring her back to me!” He confessed to you, the frustration in his voice gave away to the longing look in his blue eyes.

“You- you what?” you stopped trying to resist him, your shock letting him pull you closer, he was holding both your arms now, keeping you close.

“I’m in love with you. Is it really that hard to believe?” He questions, his voice low now, as if someone might hear, and he wanted to keep this intimate moment just for the two of you.

“No.” you said before collecting yourself. “No, you can’t be in love with me.”

“Of course I can, it’s really easy to fall for you doll.” Bucky huffed a laugh. “I thought you felt the same way, do you?”

“I…” Could you really lie to a supersoldier? Would you lie to Bucky? “I do. Of course I do, but you don’t understand. Bucky, you’re a superhero, a supersoldier. I’m on the other hand just a girl with too much anxiety who happens to have the best friend in the world which is why I was even allowed to live here in the first place. You deserve so much better Bucky, you really do. And I- I don’t deserve you.” You hang your head low, if only he could realize that, it will hurt less. Your eyes were watering but you blinked them shut.

Bucky’s right hand came to your chin and held it up. You are an absolute idiot. Bucky mused at what you said.

“Doll, if there is one thing that I learned in therapy is that even after everything I did, I can still become the man I want to be and I deserve to get happiness. You make me so happy doll, you really do. But you deserve happiness too. Tell me, do I make you happy?”

“Yes, very much. But-”

“No. You deserve all the love and happiness in the world and if you’ll have me, I promise to keep you happy, always. I know I can’t solve anxiety, I have it too. But you help me with it, so I’ll do whatever I can to help you.”

You looked into the sea in his eyes, trying to find any doubt, but all you found was determination to make you understand, to make you believe it. And for a moment you did. That was all it took.

“If you’ll have me, I promise to make you happy and make sure you are loved, always.” You whispered. “Thank you.”

“No need to thank me, I just- I want you to remember, you deserve this. Whether it’s happiness with me or with someone else. You deserve to be loved by your friends, and if it’s here than this is your home and we’re your family. You deserve love and support and if it’s me then please, will you have me?”

“Yes. I don’t want anyone else.”

The next thing you knew, his lips crushed into yours, pouring out all of your emotion to the kiss. This feels right, this is right. Maybe you’re worthy of a happy ending after all. Maybe you’ll find it right here, in this compound, with Bucky.

Little did you know, in the far away land that is Tony’s messy lab, F.R.I.D.A.Y notified him per his request about your panic attack. Now, with the monitors turned on, he watched the two of you with a smile at his lips.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y? Tell Steve he owes me 20 bucks.”

#bucky #bucky x reader #Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #writing challenge #fluff #bucky x insecure!reader #bucky fluff #otherpunks500 #my writing

963 notes · View notes

come-on-shitty-boys · 4 years

Text

//fatherhood headcannons//

Characters: Kuroo Tetsurou / Bokuto Koutarou / Daishou Suguru

Warnings: none

Word Count: 1.7K (~550 a piece)

Notes: don’t come for me and my self-indulgence. Also >:C if you’re of age and living in the United States, go fucking vote. i am not asking.

Kuroo Tetsurou

He goes into this whole fatherhood thing with complete and utter confidence. Kuroo Tetsurou is convinced that he doesn’t need to have a single parenting book. How hard can it be?

It’s all just making sure his kid doesn’t die, right? R I G H T?

He tries really hard to understand all of your discomforts during the pregnancy, but wowowow he’s bad at it. You were complaining that your feet were sore and he just looked at you weird. You had just gotten out of bed? How did your feet already hurt? Your back hurts? How? You’re laying down?

He recognizes that you’re in discomfort and he, of course, doesn’t look past that. He’s going to do whatever he needs to do to ensure your comfort, but he just struggles to comprehend it.

I promise that Kuroo was so calm and cool and collected throughout the entire pregnancy and honestly, even during delivery, he was there to tell you how great you were doing, holding your hand, letting you crush his fingers in your tight grip. He would pat your head and occasionally give you little kisses on your temple.

But when the nurse asks if he wants to hold his new little girl and places her in his arms, oh he’s crying. He doesn’t even realize that he’s crying until he feels the tears stream down his cheeks.

It was in the following weeks that he realized just how hard this whole parenting thing would be. Sleep? Kuroo didn’t know her. The baby religiously started crying every night at 2:27 a.m. and it would take nearly an hour to get her to fall back asleep. By the time that hour passed, he was already back to being wide awake and would just lay in bed, unable to fall back asleep for hours.

The first time he ever had to change a diaper, he had to pull up a YouTube video to figure it out, but he’s not about to tell you that.

He has no idea how to dad, but Kuroo ends up being a really incredible father. While he may be lacking in the basic skills like knowing the correct formula temperature or how to properly hold his daughter, he makes up for it with his constant companionship.

You’ve walked in on him in the nursery so many times. He’s really not even doing anything. He’s just leaning against the crib, running his fingers across his little girl’s skin, still not believing that this is real and that that little baby is his, something that he helped create. Oh, it just makes him so soft to think about. He talks real quietly to her, telling her about his day, like she has any idea what he’s saying, but he still smiles so wide when she looks at him.

His little girl is his entire world and I just know that he’s an incredibly protective father. He knows that the world is a scary place and he wants his daughter to be able to grow up having the best life possible, even if it is difficult.

Bokuto Koutarou

It was an accident. It was 100% an accident. But, the absolute joy that lit up his features when you told him your happy news, well, you don’t think you had ever seen him smile so wide. He had picked you up to spin you around and covered your face in kisses. Bokuto had set you down and immediately squatted down to place a kiss on your non-existent baby bump, telling his little baby how excited he was to be their papa.

Bokuto does prepare, well, at least a little. He owns one book, but he has read it cover to cover. When he was reading through it, he would stop at something that he found particularly interesting and show it to you.

He didn’t really know how best to take care of you, but he tried his best! He would rub your shoulders or feet when you asked. He would make dinner after practice. He is absolutely running to the store in the middle of the night because you had a sudden craving for Cheetos and vanilla ice cream. Bokuto thought it was best not to ask what the hell you were doing when you proceeded to dip the Cheetos in the ice cream.

Bokuto forces you on walks. He read in that one pregnancy book that walks can help induce labor, so in the time leading up to the due date, Bokuto was taking you on strolls around the block multiple times a day.

But, he gets really busy with MSBY ;-; like. . . a lot. He wants to be there every step of the way, but he just can’t. Even after the baby was born, it seemed like there was rarely a day off for him to just spend with you and the baby.

Nothing hurt more than seeing the video of his little boy taking his first steps, knowing that he wasn’t even there to see it for himself because he was stuck on a bus in another city for a game.

This boy B R A G S about his kid all the time. Sakusa might just beat his ass if he has to hear Bokuto coo about his son one more time.

Games that happen at home are Bokuto’s favorites because he knows that whenever he looks up into the stands, you’ll be there, the baby in your arms, a tiny black knit hat with gold detailing pulled over his head. It always made his heart so warm and he seemed to always be on top of his game just so he could secure a win quicker. He just wanted to rush to you and cradle his little one in his arms.

He likes to toss his little bean up into the air, but he has absolutely bonked his son’s head on the ceiling and then proceeded to fail to catch him because he was so in shock that he just hit his son’s head on the ceiling. Insert one (1) bokuto koutarou suddenly regretting every life decision that he has ever made.

Surprisingly, he’s a really good parent? He understands the balance between being caring and supportive, but also having a firm hand on discipline. He isn’t much for punishments, because he’s going to feel bad, but he won’t hesitate to sit his son down and have a talk if he needs to.

God Bokuto is such a good dad please i’m so soft i just know that he would sob his eyes out the minute the baby is on its way

Daishou Suguru

please i don’t even want children, but i would make an exception for daishou suguru

Suguru is so?? stupidly?? prepared??

Like the two of you decided that you wanted to have a baby and this man went to the bookstore and asked one of the workers which pregnancy books were the best. The poor high school student had no idea

He took notes and was just constantly studying up on things. You’d think he was back in university again with how much he poured himself over these books.

While Daishou may have all of the technical stuff down like knowing the exact female reproductive anatomy and how it all works to produce the baby and he can definitely change a diaper with his eyes closed by now, but-

When the time came to put together a nursery- oh the boy was lost. He had no idea what to do. He’d never built a crib before. He wasn’t really sure why he was expecting it to just unfold or magically form together when he took it out of the box, but now he was just sitting in the middle of the floor, surrounded by bits and pieces of a baby crib, pouring over the instructions, only to get more confused.

Please go sit with him in his time of need. He’ll rest his head on your shoulder and rub tiny circles over your bump.

Suguru probably jumped a foot in the air when he felt that itty bitty kick against his hand. It took him by complete surprise and his eyes were as wide as saucers, but this really slow smile took over his face and you don’t think you had ever seen him so happy, a complete smiling and laughing mess.

He takes the best care of you b y e

Morning sickness? He’s right there to pull your hair away from your face and get you a glass of water.

Too bad he spent all this time looking up information on the actual pregnancy and had no idea what to expect for actual childbirth. Overnight bag? He said, “How long does this take?” He had no idea what to do during delivery. His dumbass just stood there until you demanded that he give you his hand and definitely screamed when you nearly crushed his bones in an absolute death grip, nails digging painfully into the back of his hand, but who was he to object. He wasn’t the one pushing a child out of his body.

Oh, did I say child? Try children. Suguru nearly fainted when the nurse said that there was “one more.” He didn’t remember seeing a second little peanut on the ultrasound, but maybe he just forgot in the overwhelming panic of the moment?

He was so good all throughout the pregnancy, but the minute the kids are born? It’s like he completely forgot everything that he read over the past nine months, but the softness in his eyes and the gentle smile on his lips the very first time he got to hold his kid? It made it all worth it. He didn’t know that it was possible to love someone so quickly, but he looked at the faces of his newborn children and he couldn’t have been happier.

Daishou has fallen asleep in the nursery chair more than once when he was up with the babies. You’d get up to see what was taking so long, only to find him leaned back, his head lolled to the side, two tiny bundles held securely to his chest.

In conclusion. I love daishou suguru and he would be a really good dad once he figured it all out

{Taglist: @moncymonce @nicka-nell @celosiiaa @kuronekomama @lovinnoya and @nekxrizawa @boosyboo9206 bc you both got me thinking about them as d a d s and now i can’t get it out of my head onyx please take this as a bribe to receive the daishou suguru hip dermal edit you made i need it}

404 notes · View notes

oddaodd · 4 years

Text

Her Eyes

· Tommy Shelby arranged marriage imagine ·

warnings : arranged marriage.

(Heapings of fluff and a pinch of angst if you squint)

Y/n never imagined her family would have the nerve to marry her off as part of a deal between the one Thomas Shelby and her father, who had insisted that he couldn’t properly trust the Shelbys if they weren’t united as a family, but there she was, standing outside the church ready to meet the man she would spend the rest of her life with. Her father was a powerful man with many important connections and despite Thomas’s desire to never marry again after grace, he found himself having to accept to the deal. When he fist saw her, scarcely some hours before their wedding, he was intrigued by her beauty and kind eyes, but he put on a nonchalant facade as he introduced himself to the woman whom he would have to live till death do them part.

“Thomas Shelby” he outstretched his hand.

She stared at him for a bit “y/n” was all she managed to say as his rough hand wrapped around her soft one with a firm shake. There was something about him, almost like dream she couldn’t quite place. He was a very alluring, almost hypnotic man and she felt oddly drawn to him just a few seconds after first laying eyes on him.

“Lets get this over with, shall we?” He monotonously said, breaking her out of her reverie before stepping into the church.

The first few months were really hard because Thomas refused to let her get close to him, both emotionally and physically, Grace’s memory still freshly lingering around him. Y/n however was determined to turn their marriage into something more than just a business deal. She would play with Charlie, she would bring Tommy tea whenever he was at home, and she always tried to get him to smile which wasn’t easy, but after a lot of persistence, slowly but surely Tommy let her in. Truth was, despite the circumstances he was somehow glad he met her. Thomas never thought he would find a match to his wit but there she was. They could spend hours and hours just talking as time unsuspectedly passed by. She was an unusual person to say the least, smart, kind, caring, prim and proper, sometimes ladylike, sometimes not, and with very expressive eyes. That’s the first thing he noticed about her when he saw her for the very first time, the pool of mixed emotions in her eyes before their wedding, she didn’t look perfectly sad, but she didn’t look perfectly happy either. He found himself enthralled by her eyes and in the end they were what made him relent to her subtle yet kind acts of affection. She found herself quickly falling for him and he too did for her, although he would never admit it to anyone least of all, to himself. Their relationship grew to become something along the lines of a friendship and she always made sure to give him space not knowing quite sure if he reciprocated her feelings or not, he was a difficult man to decipher after all.

One night he came home to find her sitting in the grass out in the garden all by her lonesome just staring at the sky and his stars. As soon as she saw him she invited him to join her. He sat next to her under the quilt, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at the stars when she was sitting next to him. He had had an overly tense day and seeing her there, toying with the grass between her toes and a quilt over her shoulders, just enamored by the night sky made all his worries disappear for a while. . Thomas had learnt a lot just by looking at her, she was brought up to be the perfect high society lady, but when she was alone or with him or Charlie she could really be her own carefree self, knowing they wouldn’t judge her and he felt glad he had become one of the few who could see her like that. She felt his stare and turned round to look at him, she could feel her cheeks going red when their eyes met and in the heat of the moment, she leaned in to kiss him. A tiny pang of insecurity poked at her insides when he didn’t immediately kiss her back, thinking that she might have had misread the look in his eyes, she pulled away, but he stopped her by placing both his hands on either side of her face and looking into her eyes where he could see a strange strain of vulnerability before kissing her. Hesitantly she kissed back and they became so entangled in each other that everything around them became non existent. He made love to her that night with the stars as witnesses and after that, their relationship flowered into something else.

Time passed and they grew closer and closer together. She earned the trust of the rest of the Shelbys and soon enough she felt like a part of the family, even more so than with her own family.

Every year Y/n´s family held an event to “ rejoice with friends and family” as they put it, but y/n knew it was more of a “I´m richer than you” parade to which all of her family’s friends and relatives were invited to. Knowing that her mother would make a fuss if she didn’t attend, she and Tommy found themselves in y/n´s family home one Friday evening, dressed in the heights of fashion, drinking the most expensive champagne money could buy and sitting through her mothers inquiries about their married life. Y/n´s mother was relieved that y/n had married after all, her biggest fear was any of her daughters not living up to the standards according to which she brought them up to be.

“So, Y/n dear, are you with child yet?” Her mother asked in feigned sweet tone.

Y/n choked a bit on her champagne, not expecting her mom to blatantly ask that. Tommy turned to look at her and after taking a drag of his cigarette replied with a serious face“Not yet Mrs. Y/l/n”

“Oh but you are planning to aren’t you?” Her mother insisted.

“Not at the moment mother” y/n chimed in a bit too harshly for both her and her mother’s liking. Tommy grabbed her hand underneath the table with his free hand to reassure her a bit, but it did little to put out y/n´s feelings of discomfort “and anyway, why does it matter to you? You already have plenty of grandchildren from my sisters” she said this time with a politer tone.

“All im saying dear is that you are not getting ny younger and I would certainly not blame Mr. Shelby here” her mother said pointing at Tommy “ if he were to decide the deal he made with your father isn’t worth enough to put up with a woman of your likes” she finished before taking a sip of her glass of champagne and looking over at the couple to asses their reactions.

Y/n opened her mouth to say something, but she couldn’t find the words she needed. Tommy took her silence as an opportunity to get his word in after another long drag of his cigarette “with all due respect Mrs. Y/l/n, I think we are way past the business part of this marriage”

Her mother gave him a forced smile indicating that she didn’t believe a word of it before replying with “of course you are Mr. Shelby”

Tommy smiled at her mother in reciprocity before putting out his cigarette and turning to look at y/n “ Let’s dance, love” he said.

They made their way to the dance floor and swayed to the music “Now I know why you weren’t exited to come” he said looking down at her, trying to lighten her up a little. She barely nodded, too consumed in her own thoughts, her mother’s words ringing In her ears. She would be lying if she were to say it hadn’t occurred to her before, that the distant nagging thought of Tommy only pretending to enjoy her company for the sake of not having another problem to deal with hadn’t kept her up some nights in the past.

“Let’s just go home” she mumbled into his chest.

And so they did and for the next few days Tommy could see that she was a bit distant, sure she always smiled and acted like everything was fine, but no matter how well she acted, Tommy could see right through it, all because of her eyes. She was a proud woman and he knew she would never admit her mother’s words had gotten to her.

One day she was working on some of the flowers she had planted across the property as Tommy approached her. He must have been very silent for when he called her name she gave a little jump.

“God you scared me” she said with a laugh, wiping a bit of sweat of her forehead “Are you in a habit of startling unsuspecting gardening women?” She teased.

“Only on you” he replied looking down at her.

She could see there was something in his mind, but she wasn’t quite sure what it was so she stood up shaking some of the dirt that had collected on her dress before loosely wrapping her arms around him so that she could still see his face and inquired “ What can i do for you dear husband?”

He raised his eyebrows and his mouth curved up ever so slightly. She smiled at him knowing she was the only one who could get him to smile and waited for his response.

“Marry me” he said in all seriousness.

She gave him a coy smile “ But we are already married” she said doubtfully, not knowing what had brought Tommy to request such thing.

“Aye, but i want you to be my wife knowing that I married you for you, because I love you , not as a part of a business deal” he earnestly said before producing a small golden ring with a tiny orange opal from his coat pocket and grabbing her hand (that was covered in dirt) in his “ So, Y/n will you marry me?”

She wasn’t sure what she was expecting but it wasn’t that, it was the fist time Tommy had verbally proclaimed his love for her. Her eyes welled up in tears, a whirlwind of emotions raging inside in full display. Tommy brought one of his hands to her face to wipe away the one tear that did dare to fall. “Of course I´ll marry you Thomas Shelby” she said grabbing his hand in hers and looking at how he, with his other hand effortlessly slipped the ring on her finger before chuckling tearily and crashing her lips on his. They had a small ceremony right there on the garden that same weekend, saying their vows in front of the Shelby family. Unlike their first weeding, everyone seemed happy and even though it wasn’t an “official” wedding, they both knew it was the one that mattered.

#tommy shelby #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby one shot #thomas shelby imagine #thomas shelby one shot #tommy shelby x reader #thomas shelby x reader #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders one shot #tommy shelby fluff #thomas shelby fluff

912 notes · View notes

somanyerikas · 3 years

Text

Nostalgia sells - or does it? About BBC’s rehiring of a previous showrunner for Doctor Who as a marketing strategy

All, right, this is the one where I deal with my issues about RTD’s rehiring from the standpoint of BBC’s business strategy . Brace for passive agression, swearwords, brief history of british television and numbers. So, so many numbers.

Allright, so I already wrote a post about my problem with RTD’s (re)hire from the creative standpoint (it’s here in case you’re interested), but hey, I can bitch about it all I want, but we all know what caused the BBC to make this decision, right? You’ve heard about it for sure. The Dropping Ratings. You’ve read about it on so many posts, lots of them probably oh-so-gladly conflating this fact with their own opinion about the deteriorating quality of the show. (Don’t worry, we’ll get to that.) So Obviously the execs at the Big BBC Quarters needed to do something about it, and what better way to go than rehire a guy who’s run at Doctor Who is a warm childhood memory for so many in it’s fanbase? After all, it’s what we’re seeing nowadays: from Star Wars return to wave of 80′s nostalgia to every old blockbuster star doing a comeback, there is but a single conclusion - nostalgia sells.

Or does it?

Part One: Moving with the change; or very much refusing to.

Let’s start this off with some facts about the ratings for Doctor Who. (Well, I warned you there’s gonna be numbers, didn’t I. Stick with me, I’m going somewhere with this I promise.) In it’s beginnings, in the sixties and seventies , the series flown high, averaging a viewership from 8 up to 10 million viewers per season. Collin Baker’s series 17 brought in a record of 11.21 milion viewer asses in front of a good ol’ TV screen, real champagne opener here. But, as it happens, things were downhill from here. During the eighties, the rating started dropping steadily, reaching an all-time low of 4.15 milion couch-warming bottoms in 1989, the last season of the classic era.

Years passed, 16 of those years to be exact, and here comes our saviour RTD. Under his wings, the revived series premiered, bringing in over 10 milion viewers to the premiere episode of season 1, Rose. A viewership this high did not last for long, but still, RTD’s seasons averaged between 7 and 8 milion viewers per season, which seemed pretty respectable. But then, as the story likes to repeat itself, not unlike the bbc execs just did, along came the decline again. Ever since 2010, the ratings began steadily dropping again, from 7.95 in 2010 to 5.46 in 2017. Then DW experienced an unexpected peak in 2018 with the premiere of Jodie Whittaker’s first season, which averaged 7.96 viewing asses, but then continued the dropping trend on the next season, averaging 5.40 viewing butts.

So what went wrong?

You see, part of the reason that Doctor Who was bringing in such great viewership numbers in the 60′s and 70′s, was that, to put it simply, BBC did not have much competition. Or, to be exact, only had one competitor. ITV was literally founded in order to break BBC’s monopoly over British television. But in the 80′s, with the launch of Channel 4 and Sky, the british viewers had more and more options to choose from. So logically speaking, they no longer had to watch BBC’s programming just because there was nothing else on. There was more and more new programes to boredom-watch. And here’s something y’all need to know about the tv industry: the boredom-watchers, the casuals? That’s the most important demographic. As hard as it might be to swallow, us hardcore fans, forum dwellers and Ao3 gremlins, we’re not as big of a group as we’d like to think. Loving fans are important to the tv execs as providers of word-of-mouth advertisment, but the real numbers come from the casual, everyday viewer who will just put on the next episode cause the other one was kinda fun I guess. Or more fun than the other options, anyway.

And this is why, by the way, when someone is conflating low viewership with the show Dissapointing The Fans, they’re full of shit. I’m sorry, but we’re really not that much of a force here, definitely not enough to make such a big impact on the numbers. Another factor, that some of you probably noticed already, is that the numbers I’m quoting are from british tv only, while the online fandom is very much international, so our opinions matter even less to the british execs, I’m sorry again, hard pill to swallow I know, but true nonetheless.

But I digress. So, to sum up the previous paragraph, Doctor Who’s viewership decline in the 80′s was the effect of the changing landscape of the TV industry, with which the BBC struggled to come to terms with.

Sound familiar?

Let’s move on to the 2010′s, shall we?

2010 was is actually a good marker of a year to choose, because it marks one important thing that begun a big change in the industry. This was the year in which Netflix expanded their services overseas, from being a DVD rental company to providing VOD services. Over the next decade streaming services grew in importance, from being an add-on to your cable TV that you didn’t really want but they were throwing it in for cheap, to very much self-sustainable media services you might very well buy instead of buying the cable. And if you look at the numbers for Doctor Who viewership declining over the last 10 years, that’s precisely what’s been happening. It’s not that people don’t want to watch Doctor Who on tv, they don’t want to watch tv in general. Do you know what was the most popular channel in Britain this year? Can you guess? Fucking Netflix that’s what. It’s just slowly-yet-steadily ceasing to be the way we use home entertainment anymore. Again, not much to do with the audience approval, because for that matter, let’s see about the specific episodes that saw the spikes in viewership.

Rose, which i mentioned at the start of it, was for the longest time the unquestionable queen when it comes to viewership, at 10.81 milion. The next episode, The End of the World, pulled in 7.97 - almost 3 millions worth of lost viewer-butts in one week? Is it because it was so much worse than it’s predecessor? No, it simply did not have the smell of Newness, the Event You Must See, and as such brought forth less of the casual viewers who were simply curious about The New Thing. The next season followed the similar formula, peaking at the premiere, when the marketing was at it’s strongest, going down during the season, sometimes rising slightly for the finale, sometimes not. The most popular episodes are, of course, the specials - yet again, the vibe of The Event To Be Seen worked here, but one more thing working to their advantage is they often aired in spaces between seasons, serving as both a long-waited Crumbs of Content for the fans, and the basically stand-alones for the casuals. Do you know what the single most watched episode of revived DW is? No, it’s not Tennant’s goodbye with the role (yeah I know, I thought it had to be that as well). It was Voyage of the Damned, between seasons 3 and 4. The perfect standalone for the casual watcher. And last but not least, you know one more special feature that brought, maybe not as much, but definitely more than expected? The 1996 movie Doctor Who, with 9.08 million. Again, a perfect standalone.

But the standalones aren’t the only way to grab the viewership. The currently-highest viewing non-special episode of DW? The Woman Who Fell to Earth, Jodie Whittaker’s introduction. In 2018 no less, in the year when the streaming was the ruler supreme, this episode brought a whooping 10.96 million buts to the good ol’ TV again. Let me reiterate: this episode brought in more viewers than Rose did in 2005, while having WAY more competition and way less favorable circumstances of release that RTD’s debiut did. Not only that, it managed to bring on some numbers for the entire season as well, not as good of course as the premiere (because again, the Event vibes faded), but still brought a better average than the last six seasons did. (Again, let me reiterate: more than the last SIX seasons. More viewership than any series since 2010, since the Streaming Wars.) So clearly, this must be the way, right? Catering to this Weird New Trend, that saw directors notice there do in fact exist other actors than white men, that surely brought in some profit, even Marvel does it now, right? Out with the old, in with the new!

Part 2 The Deceitful Charm of Nostalgia

Well, it turns out the whole Doing New Things deal didn’t work out that well after all, now did it? The second season penned by Chibbnal averaged 5.40 milion, that’s 2.5 million drop from the previous one! It must mean it didn’t work, right? Well, yes and no. As much as the refreshment of the formula as simple as Let’s Put A Woman In It absolutely worked for one season, it very visibly did not hold up for longer. An Event-Episode is something that can still happen on TV, Event-Series? That’s pretty much reserved for streaming now, if you think about it, and it’s honestly kind of a miracle that Series 11 did as well as it had. Two consecutive Event-Series on network tv? Flat out impossible.

So how to make those ratings great again? How to get those butts in seats of the Good Ol’? Well, the execs of the BBC have a plan for that. They brought in a devouring beast, and it’s name is: Nostalgia.

Without a doubt, there is a number of people who feel nostalgic about RTD’s era of Doctor Who. It’s a lot of people’s fond childhood memory, or the series they started with, and judging by the numbers, there should be quite a lot of them. So the new plan, as it appears, is to get to those who maybe lost interest in the show and lure them with the promise of the thing That Is Totally Like The Thing You Used To Love, Remember? (This is why I don’t actually think that RTD will be allowed to do anything new and interesting, that’s not what they hired him for. And that’s why I think this is bad from the creative standpoint.) So there are two questions here: One, will the people be lured? And two, for how long?

Nostalgia as a marketing strategy is something that you’re probably sick of seeing already (I know I am). But it has very much been effective on many levels, especially the eighties-baiting, Stranger Things style, can bring a new IP up to relevance. But what about old IP’s that want to have a comeback?

It’s kind of dificult to find another TV show that I could compare to Doctor Who. Most series that have been running for that long are mostly soap operas, that operate on slightly different rules, and are also targeted to a different audience. So as much as the movie series is still not exactly the best comparison, when I think about a big IP, campy sci-fi, family-oriented (at least in theory) on its path back to relevance, I think about Star Wars, obviously. The Force Awakens gambled on that nostalgic feeling and won big, but the next two movies, while still financially successful, were nowhere near the astounding success of the first one. And that’s because - you guessed it - it created the Event You Must See again, The Great Comeback, but merely two years later, the comeback became old news. So what we can gain from that is that nostalgia can create an Event as well as a new trend, if not better. But the question remains: how long will that last?

That is, after all, the main difference between a movie franchise and a TV series in the traditional, network TV sense of the word: movie franchise must bring in the viewership every year or two, and TV series must bring in viewers every week for at least two months. Is RTD’s Nostalgia Vibes enough to provide for that?

I’ll say this: I’m absolutely certain that the 60th anniversary will be very popular. I still don’t think it will break any records because, as I’ve been trying to explain for this whole post, it is not 2007 anymore no matter how much the tv execs would like it to be. But ironically, the almost-certain success of the special is the very thing that could undermine the effect of bringing their precious Nostagia Boi back onboard. Remember, the first Event Episode is The Big Oof. That’s the one that gets asses to the Good Ol’, if anything ever does. After the first big event one, that’s the point when things start going down. They’re wasting their Special Event Boi for something that already would be an event, dear fucking gods, I hate your plan and I would still execute it better. Either have RTD be the Anniversary Guy and then hire someone new, use that hype and keep it going, OR have RTD come in after the anniversary, then at least you get the Event Effect for the premiere of his first return season. Fukin’ amateurs.

But even if they did that, here’s the thing: do you think that the people who departed from the show years ago actually want to watch another three to five seasons of The RTD Show? I mean, I’m sure the thought warmed some hearts, for sure. A number of people will definitely gladly watch the anniversary, probably the first few episodes of the first return to the basics, but after that? In the world when, due to streaming, they have an easy way to revisit the actual thing they’re nostalgic towards? I honestly don’t think so. And you’re not really gonna get many new people by going back, if that nostalgia factor isn’t there. And then there’s casual viewers, the backbone, as we established. And here’s the thing: lots of those people don’t even know who the current showrunner is, cause they’re not Terminally Online like we are, and the second thing? Lots of those people ARE JUST NOT WATCHING NETWORK TV, IM SORRY GARRY. They’re just. They’re just not. I don’t know how to spell it out better. Even my mum has netflix now. Your biggest base is in another castle mate, gotta get moving and gotta get moving quick, cause here’s another thing: all the nostalgia in the world will not do SHIT for you if your target, people who were kids/teens when the RTD era was airing, PROBABLY DON’T EVEN HAVE A FUCKING TV ANYMORE CAUSE THEY MOVED OUT OF THEIR PARENTS FLAT AND LOTS OF YOUNG PEOPLE JUST DON’T BOTHER. Just. I’m sorry but you’re trying to resuscitate a decade-deceased corpse there buddy. It just won’t work. The times have changed and you gotta swim or drown, and it’s just not gonna be 2005 again, no matter how hard you pretend it is. It’s not your content it’s your business model. Just push more marketing for your iplayer or whatever, focus on streaming as your primary not your secondary cause that’s just what it is now, and maybe don’t rely on the viewer-counting systems of the yesteryear to evaluate your business. Or else you’re gonna get stuck sacrificing the creative growth of your show for a marketing strategy that probably won’t even fucking WORK.

There, I got it of my chest. Feel free to reblog, and also: you somehow got to the end of this, congrats! I’ll make numbers nerds out of y’all yet.

#it's like. my sister and I were #watching a movie lately. the one with multiple will smiths and the de-aging tech #(don't recommend it it's real boring)#but when Youngened Will Smith appeared on the screen my sister got my spiting my tea laughing by innocently saying:#"oh i don't know this actor. it's nice that they're giving opportunities to the young actors. great to see a new face in the biz''#and u know what #this rehire is the same fucking vibe to me #some cunts from marketing plastering make-up to an old man's face and pretending its 2005 still #anyway #doctor who #i guess.

44 notes · View notes

cancerjupiter · 4 years

Text

astro notes: neptune edition (pt. 1)

neptune represents issues which are frequently unconscious, so all of this may operate without your awareness. if projected, the negative aspects of neptune become more emphasised. the more you reject it in your own life, the more likely it is that you’ll meet it in exaggerated ways outside yourself.

neptune in the 1st house

tends to be the kind of person who waits and sees, but your outward behavior doesn’t begin to describe what goes on inside. you feel connected to your environment because you’re aware of subtle energies, you pick up impressions from others they’re usually unaware to be giving. you find yourself in the uncomfortable position of knowing (beyond a verbal level) what others’ unconscious motivations are, what’s hidden behind their civility. you tend to be very idealistic, preferring to live in harmony: peaceful non-demanding relationships and quiet and aesthetically pleasing surroundings. you choose to think kindly of others, whether they reciprocate or not; your sensitivity gives you a natural compassion. you can be most charming, often whimsical, sometimes romantic, and usually empathic. you seem approachable and often receptive to a degree others find startling and deeply gratifying (if not a little scary lol). you want life to be perfect for yourself and others, and your desire for a better world can be channeled into artistic creative pursuits, social work, or mere daydreaming.

you often struggle with personal identity. you may be so open to others that you pick up their moods without realising it. you tend to mimic, unconsciously, the strong characteristics of the last person you were with. don’t become an emotional sponge; define your emotional boundaries and accept it is necessary for your growth to establish a firm identity. another thing i noticed about you is that you guys don’t mind suffering; no, i’m not saying you don’t hate it (everyone does!) but you seem to accept it when you don’t have to. you put others first and feel that it’s best to sacrifice your own well-being than to be responsible for someone else’s suffering.

there’s almost always a strong awareness of and interest in spiritual energies with this placement. you may actually be psychic, whether or not you’re comfortable with the ability. you may deeply religious, although not conventionally since institutions don’t satisfy you; you feel at home with a belief system you know, from personal experience, exists. your lack of interest in the real world can lead you into seriously bad habits like drug abuse or eating disorders and due to your dislike of physical activity, this can quickly damage your (often sensitive) health. alternatively, this placement can also lead to arrogance, depending on the sun and midheaven placements/aspects.

neptune in the 2nd house

you tend to be idealistic with the use of money and personal resources, not terribly attached to them. you look at them as temporary and although sad to part with something you own, you can let it go where others simply cannot. there’s an indifferent attitude towards finances, income and etc. some of you are v generous and will give things away to people who can truly admire it, believing nothing truly belongs to anyone. this outlook satisfies you greatly, making you easygoing but also easily being taken advantage of. this sort of gives you a fairy-tale attitude towards your money - it’s either always there when needed, or simply one of the world’s idiotic, materialistic preoccupations. you may be unpractical or simply forgetful with resources; not willing to sit down and figure what’s the best buy and choosing to go with intuition. purchases usually go by what you want rather than what you can afford (my friend has no idea how much is on her bank acc and doesn’t care to figure it out. she just doesn’t care lol). you should actually read the small print in contracts and not trust just anyone with your money.

alternatively, there may be a strong tendency to overvalue material things (neptune = beliefs in the house of money and possessions), specially if there’s an earth emphasis in the chart, making you inclined to putting great care and time into upkeep. you usually want your things to look aesthetic™️.

there’s also a strong creative tendency; it may be expressed in various forms but it will certainly be inherent. you need at least periodic access to music and inspiration, including the outdoors where you can soak up peace and serenity. since the 2nd house also relates to sensual pleasures, you probably expect these to provide a kind of ultimate ecstasy. in short, this placement forces you to face up to your tendencies to create illusions about money, possessions, sex, or creative pursuits. don’t expect more from them than they can provide.

neptune in the 3rd house

on one level, this placement can confuse and scatter the brain, giving it vagueness and disorganized thinking. sometimes, however, the mind exhibits uncanny insights into the subtleties of the environment. you sense the hidden nuances and meanings behind what’s being said. what you miss in terms of precise analytical ability, you can by being able to view the big-picture more clearly. there’s a danger to this however; your desire to view what’s beautiful and ideal around you can give a kind of selective perception in which only the good is seen and what doesn’t fit into that is ignored.

you don’t usually feel comfortable expressing yourself through normal channels of communication. what you have to say can be better demonstrated through dance, poetry, song, or picture (painted or taken). there’s often a shyness in the early school situation, which manifested in mental illness (my friend has dyslexia and this was a hard time for her) or simply confusion.

since this house also rules siblings, there may be some sacrifices to be made in relation to them; they may be a problem or have difficulties. since neptune fuses the boundary between the self and others, you may feel you’re responsible for their problems or everything which happens in the immediate environment (also ruled by the 3rd). if you don’t have siblings, you probably longed for the companionship of it, an idealized vision of what a sibling is. i also noticed this neptune placement showing exceptional ability as teachers - specially working w children who have learning difficulties. they can understand ways to communicate with and understand the child better than anyone else.

neptune in the 4th house

i have this one and it’s a loaded position: an unconscious planet in an unconscious house. to feel safe in a secure nest is fundamental, though that’s often quite unconscious. your idea of haven includes a lovely home, w lots of food and someone who will take care of your needs. there’s an assumption that the mother, early home life and emotional security all need to be perfect. that is, all needs will be met with ease, and there’s no upset or disappointment in these areas. the mom or other primary caregiver, is supposed to be there when needed, regardless of other commitments. the illusions connected to the 4th house (remember, neptune refers to illusions which must be exposed and released) are deeply intimate; and any threat to them is profoundly threatening to you.

neptune in the 4th generally has to overcome the strong need for the nurturing parent to not only be perfect but to continue being so into your adulthood. you have great difficulty separating from them; you may never fully do it. it doesn’t matter if they actually lived to your expectations, for their importance is in your head - the parent you idealized or pretended they were. sometimes, however, this desire focuses on the home rather than the parent. in this case, the childhood home was either perfect, or mysterious and elusive. you can react by trying to re-create the exact same nest.

with this placement, nurturing yourself becomes the ultimate value, a way to find supreme satisfaction. you can also make the most amazing caretakers and companions. your need to nurture others is a complicated expression of your own hunger to be taken care of; you give too much and eventually become resentful when no one appreciates your (not asked for) sacrifices. you might also project neptunian traits onto your parent; they may be v spiritual and loving, vague and confusing, or even absent, so you were left w only a fantasy of what they could - and should - have been. they might have also been a victim (similar to pisces moon) and you might’ve felt obligated to save them.

you feel like caring involves being swallowed up completely, and it’s something you either constantly yearn or are terrified of. you also feel if your (unrealistic) emotional security needs aren’t met, you won’t survive the disappointment (you did, and you will again). neptune in the 4th can make the most patient and loving parents, w a strong sense of their emotional bonding and spiritual responsibilities. you will do more to create an ideal parent/child relationship than anyone else and constantly remind others of how important it is to strive to be the best parent one can be.

neptune in the 5th house

this combo leads to a definite charisma, an aura of charm and power and importance (timothee, angelina, mlk, drake, etc). it’s a strong indication of some kind of acting ability, though it may be used as a teacher or a salesman rather than on stage. you’re likely to work in some area where applause and respect can be immediate and experienced personally. you need this; neptune undermines the self-confidence so you depend on others’ feedback to measure your worth. this can be a deadly dependency because even the highest praise and respect can truly fulfill the yearning to be loved unconditionally, only provide a temporary high, making you forever vulnerable.

some of the illusions related to this placement include the need to have perfect relationships and children, and the perfect artistic creation. whenever one expects perfection, they’re doomed to disappoitment, although the process of disillusionment may be needed to rethink your outlook on life. you may expect your love life to provide a complete sense of fulfillment. you can make a v romantic partner, the type to love cheesy romantic things and music, who can surround your lover with utmost affection. however, you might also expect them to sense your wishes and always meet them; or expect yourself to always be sensitive and caring at al times, regadless of your moods and/or needs.

you need to re-evaluate your tendency to romanticize lovers instead of seeing them for who they are. you may also harbor illusions towards children, your own or all, which hamper your ability to deal w them realistically and effectively. there’s a difficulty in developing a strong sense of self-worth, or maybe fancying yourself to be far more important than you really are. this placement is associated w a great deal of inspired creativity, however, and if other chart factors support it, it indicates exceptional artistic talent. with humility and self-awareness, you can use your magnetism to uplift those who have lost all confidence.

neptune in the 6th house

w this placement, neptune is in its polar opposite, since 6th house relates to virgo and neptune relates to pisces. this house is about the world as it is and how to manage it in a day-to-day basis. neptunian energy is the opposite: it yearns for and seeks to unite w the cosmos, which transcends this world. how can these two work this out?

when they’re well integrated in the chart, you can dream of neptune while using the practical 6th house skills to plan and organise the dream you wish to make true some day. it can direct the neptunian energy to envision something better, prettier, more creative and inspiring. without this, the 6th house is merely a housekeeping unit - a drive to organise and plan, but for what purpose? neptune supplies it with purpose and the house repays it with practical skills, usually related to some artistic work.

however, if the energies are at odds, there is the need to dream vs. the need to be practical and realistic. you feel a strong need to busy yourself w details and make everything as efficient as possible, tidying up and even criticising others (negative virgo energy). you may expect far too much from others and yourself, never able to say “no” when more work is piled on you. another expression is not being able to keep your shit together; you forget, are disorganized, feel tired and drained of energy, get sick often, or feel generally unfulfilled. my friend, for example, often seeks jobs for its glamorous aspects, only to get swamped by details and routine.

#astrology #zodiac signs #neptune #neptune houses #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #1st house #2nd house #3rd house #4th house #5th house #6th house

786 notes · View notes

inessencedevided · 3 years

Text

A very overdue cql/mdzs fic rec list

for @accidental-child

I am so sorry this took me so long Axel! The pandemic has really done a number on my time-management skills and things like this often fall behind :/

The fics complied here are the ones i have not recced in the list for @helianthus21 before. You can find that one here, so you can check it out as well :)

The Wei Wuxian makes a wish series by natcat5

My attempt at a summary: this is a madoka magica AU (which i had not watched prior to reading this fic). Cultivators, in this universe, are created when a teenager makes a wish to the creature named Kyubey, which than grants them their wish and the power to fight witches, strange and destructive creatures of despair that lure people into their labyrinths. Wei Wuxian, at the beginning of the story is not a cultivator, but his friends are and so is the mysterious new student at his school, lan wangji, who follows him everywhere and seems to be obsessed with preventing him from making a contract.

My comment: my attempt at a summary does not do this story justice and is really just a setup. Honestly i cannot put into words how much I loved this story. It kept me on the edge of my seat the entire time. It made me laugh, it made me cry for entire chapters, it drew me into it's world so much that I freaking dreamed about it! (I'm not kidding, I really did) Honestly, this fic deserves so much more attention than it is currently getting. Not only is the plot expertly crafted, with reveals that shock you and leave you reading, but the author also just gets the characters. The best thing an AU can do, in my opinion, is take familiar characters, put them in unfamiliar situations and then manage to make the way they react believable. And this AU nails that! The conclusion and the choices that Wei wuxian and lan Wangji make in the end felt exactly right. Not to mention, it has a stellar ensemble cast! Everyone is here (except Xichen sadly and I kind of think it is deliberate because without him, Lan Wangji lacks a support system). Again, I cannot recommend this story enough. It is, without doubt, my favourite fic series in this entire fandom. (Caution however: Do read the warnings in the tags and notes and take them seriously. They are there for a very good reason.)

Agapé (home is in your arms) by estel_willow

Author’s summary: Lan Xichen is in isolation. Wei Wuxian visits him. Together they find their way back to happiness, to clarity and to home.

My comment: This one focuses on both Lan Xichen’s and Wei Wuxian’s issues and lets them resolve them together. I am such a fan of their characterisations in this fic, as well as Lan Wangji’s even though he is not the focus. I love it when non-romantic relationships are the focus of fics and especially when they are central to the character’s resolving their own issues and moving forward in life and that is exactly what happens here.

until you're big enough by lostin_space

Author’s summary: Lan Zhan is sad and not hungry; Lan Xichen asks Nie Mingjue to help him.

My comment: This one is a really short and sweet read about how Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue parent the their younger brothers. I just really liked how the author portrayed todler Lan Zhan, as well as these two teenagers doing their best to be the parents that both he and Nie huaisang lack.

Night Music by Manogahela

Author’s summary: There is a music that plays in the night at Cloud Recess....but there isn't suppose to be. Lan Xichen investigates the mysterious dizi music that can be heard from the Jingshi at night following the Siege of the Burial mounds.

My comment: I absolutely adored this one, mainly for two reasons: 1. I love an outsider perspective and Lan Xichen’s, at this point and with his limited knowledge is absolutely wonderful. First, he isn’t even sure is what he thinks is happening really is happening and when he is sure, his feelings are, understandably very conflicted. 2. The author’s style compliments this fic so well. Since most of it happens at night and Xichen isn’t entirely sure that he can trust his senses, there is a certain dreamlike quality to it that the author writes beautifully. This fic is part one in a series. Part two is a WIP, but also very much worth the read!

Company by WithBroomBefore

My summary: In which Wei Wuxian is whipped within an inch of his life by Madam Yu when he is fourteen and comes to stay at the cloud recesses. He and Lan Zhan become friends.

My comment: My summary once again does not do this fic justice. Because it is so much more than just that. It’s such a beautful exploration of friendship and love and bodily autonomy. Wei Wuxian has a lot to work through in this fic, but really, so has Lan Zhan who has the opportunity to make friends at a much more mellow pace than in the novel/show and panics a little less because of it. The war still happens but has much less dire consequences. All in all, this fic left me with a wonderful warm feeling in my chest.

you are safe / loved / worthy / enough by everythingispoetry

Author’s summary: One of the more timid-looking posts, in pale greens and creams and yellows, says Hello, I'm managing to be fairly high functioning right now but I'm really not doing as well as it may appear, and Lan Zhan feels as if someone sneaked into his mind and read his most secret thoughts, the ones he's never even dared to admit to himself.

(In which Lan Zhan, to his own dismay, finds himself with the help of the most obnoxious, cheerful, cheesy self-care instagram account known to men.)

(And Wei Ying.)

My comment: Listen, I have a complicated relationship with fics that depict mental health struggles in characters. They are all so incredibly valid and I’m glad they exist (every single one of them, no matter if i like them or not) but due to the fact that they tend to come from the author projecting their own issues onto characters (which is NOT a bad thing! that is what fanfic is for!) they are often hit-and-miss when it comes to characterisation. But this story ... it just GETS Lan Wangji. If someone told me a scenario in a modern AU that leads to him developing an anxiety disorder and depression, this is what I would have come up with. Because let’s be real, Lan Wangji is a perfectionist to boot, insanely competitive and needs to live up to his family’s expectations, while also not having much of an emotional support system outside of his brother and uncle. That’s a dangerous cocktail in the modern world and just screams of a burnout waiting to happen. So Lan Wangji, off to university, living alone in a strange city for the frst time, spends all his time in a carefully calculated study routine but slowly realises that the path he set out on was not one he chose because he liked it but simply the one that was laid out for him by his background and family, which then leads to him questioning the reason behind what he does. That reads as incredibly real to me. A good AU, in my opinion, takes the characters and their inherent characteristics and lets them meet new and unique challenges that they never would have encountered in canon, which then leads to new and interesting character developement. And this AU manages that perfectly! (Plus, if you are a university student like me who sometimes suffers from crushing anxiety about the path they chose in life, this is insanely relatable. What? I never said I wasn’t biased :P)

porn (but not actually) and waiting (a lot of it) by hyacinth4maria

Author’s summary: Lan Xichen sighs as he settles into the couch next to Lan Wangji.

"What are you looking at?"

Lan Wangji, without pausing from typing the names Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian in the Love Calculator 3000, says, "Porn."

Lan Xichen chokes.

- Lan Wangji has a crush. Lan Xichen hadn't realized his little brother was growing up.

My comment: this one was hilarious! Just Lan Xichen being both absolutely exasperated and amused by wangxian’s pre-teen drama. I almost choked laughing at the line that coined the title. The author has these characters down to a T and they used their powers to attack my laugh-musccles :D

the field meets the wood by astronicht

Author’s summary: Wei Wuxian is a dark shadow in the barley. Wei Wuxian is sorry for the kind of compassion that he is about to hand out.

(in which Lan Wangji is stolen for salt, and Wei Wuxian unravels the world, a little)

My Comment: HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS IS SO GOOD. Do you ever read a story and just marvel at the author’s mind? This is one of those. The sheer genius of giving Wei Wuxian the ability to pull entire beings into non-being! The absolute galaxy-brain idea to link the canon mythology to modern astrophysics!!! Wei Wuxian creates a motherfucking black hole in this one!!! And it’s SO well written, too! The author does not shy away from Wei Wuxian’s sharp edges and his darker side but goddamn if he is not still loveable anyway. Just GO READ THIS FIC!

Abandon your post by StarsAlignNomore

Author’s summary: After months as Chief Cultivator and separated from his soulmate, Lan Wangji follows Wei Wuxian out into the world. He searches for him. He finds him. He kisses him. They reunite, they talk, they resolve. Sometimes Bichen lends emotional support. Chenqing bites. Little Apple is there too.

Your typical Post-Canon-Reunion-Fic with much more emphasis on their spiritual weapons than expected.

My comments: This one just left me with a lot of mushy feelings. Also I adore the way the author emphasised the relationship between Lan Wangji and Bichen. And by the end, Wangxian finally figure shit out through actual open communication. Absolutely beautiful!

#cql fic #cql fic rec #mdzs fic #mdzs fic rec #mdzs #cql #wangxian #wangxian fic rec #lan wangji #wei wuxian #lan xichen

130 notes · View notes

rose7420 · 4 years

Text

Hey!! Would I be able to request another Loki story? :) I was thinking about this: A teen (who can shrink) just became a member of the Avengers and adores Loki, but holy heck she's way too scared to just start talking to him, so she shrinks down to like 3 inches and secretly watches him from a shelf in his room as he practices magic at night (when she shrinks, she can't change back to her original size for a few hours, so that's why she only goes to his room at night). She sits on the edge of a shelf (that's where she always sits) and as she gets up to leave, she looks up to see Loki slowly walking over towards her. She ends up losing her balance and falls off the shelf. Loki catches her and sees how shaken up, but she calms down eventually, but now her fangirl side (haha) comes out, and now she starts to stutter A LoT and Loki just finds her shyness adorable. He decides to keep her with him until morning, and he just admires how tiny she is. Loki lets her sleep on a pillow next to him, but she ends up getting scared so she runs over to Loki and climbs up onto his chest. She goes over to the crook in his neck and lays down, and Loki is trying so hard not to go "Aweee" :D (I am so sorry that this is long...I just adore the way you write!!)

A request from @lokiismyhubby ! I loved writing this so I hope you like it!

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Y/N has an adoration for a particular god. Tall and lean, dark hair framing angular cheekbones and very mysterious. She finds no romantical interest in his person, but rather a want for companionship.

A few months ago she was introduced to the Avengers, they found her skillset one of importance. Possessing the ability to shrink, she is an excellent choice for stealth missions usually accompanied by none other than the God of Mischief himself.

She finds interest in his magic, his ability to create magnificent illusions, and tricks he occasionally holds up his sleeve. Always at a loss of words when in his presence, looking down at the floor to avoid his gaze, and when they do exchange words she is of course a stuttering mess.

That’s why Y/N finds herself on Loki’s shelf located in his bedroom. She doesn’t hold the courage to begin talking to him in casual conversation when they are not working together on a mission. She figures if she watches him from a distance of his unknowing maybe she can muster the courage to initiate a conversation.

She stands currently at three inches high and will stay like that for a while. The downside part of her ability restricts her from growing back to her original height for hours.

Tonight, Loki paces back and forth practicing another illusion. The green of his magic glowing bright every time the illusion changes. She watches with wonder at how he so easily forms the illusion in his palms. After thirty minutes of staring with infatuation, she decides she should get some sleep.

She carefully walks to the edge of the shelf, cautiously watching where Loki stands in the room. Her toes hang right over the edge ready to jump to the shelf below when Loki starts walking towards her. His steps make the shelf tremble beneath her feet. She tries to squat down creating a more balanced position yet she still ends up falling. A small yelp escapes her lips as she tumbles towards the unforgiving ground.

Certain she is in her last moments of life, she is surprised to land on such a soft surface.

That surface being Loki’s palm. Her eyes go wide with fear and her face red from embarrassment. Loki’s pale face looms above her, his green orbs staring straight into her soul.

“I was wondering when you’d finally decide to leave. I didn’t expect you to be so clumsy, especially when you are at such a small size little one.” His voice vibrates her tiny form. She feels so vulnerable and delicate sitting in his palm like so. She is certain no physical harm will come to her, yet, she is a bit afraid of what Loki will say of her being in his room.

“I’m not usually clumsy b-but y-you’re steps kinda made it hard to keep my b-balance. It kinda felt like a-an earthquake was happening.” Y/N stutters out.

“I see...Are you harmed at all? I imagine such a drop must feel very daunting in this form?’ Loki asks worriedly his eyes flicking over her minute frame. Y/N shakes her head.

“Good, how much longer until you are free of this size?” Y/N is taken aback by the question. She never noticed that he had paid attention to the times she had to spend at this height. Usually, after missions, he would offer a gracious palm to her shrunken self asking if she would like to return to her quarters. She rarely accepted not wanting to seem like a child.

“Um, p-probably several h-hours, but if you could just bring me back to the r-room that would be okay with me,” Y/N says looking up at Loki.

“Nonsense, you can stay with me for the rest of the night. Only if you feel comfortable?” She nodded her little head again and held on to his ring finger when he started towards his bed.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Loki tried to resist the smile forming on his face. He would never admit it out loud but secretly he found Y/N adorable at this size. He had been aware of her presence in his room for weeks now but never has confronted her. The girl interested him and he longed to know more about her history and her ability. But he also had a protective sense over her, especially when she stood smaller than his thumb. Her quiet, shy nature made him want to keep her in his pocket to shield her from the brutal world. He didn’t doubt her abilities, he was just worried about her wellbeing in this form, in any form.

He felt Y/N hugging his ring finger with a surprisingly strong grip as he began walking. Tiny hands gripping the sensitive skin between his fingers made his digits twitch minutely. Fluffing a pillow, he gently sets her down onto the soft, squishy surface. It barely gives beneath her weight.

“T-thank you.” She says shyly. “Your welcome dear, please tell me if you need anything else,” Loki replies.

As Y/N drifts asleep, Loki watches from above (in a non-creepy way) the gentle ins and outs of her breathing, little snores reaching his ears. He is fascinated by the shrunken human, how something so small can even exist. She looks so tiny on the white surface of the pillow, vulnerable almost. He aches to reach out and hold her in a protective hand, shielding her from the horrible things this world has to offer.

Later on, Loki is on the brink of sleep when he feels a weak bump on the side of his ribcage. He hears pitiful whimpers coming from the sensation near his middle. Before he can sit up to determine the cause he feels something attempting to climb up onto his person. Y/N.

She tries once again to reach his chest, yet, fails falling back with a squeak to the bedsheets. He doesn’t sit up all the way but raises his head off the pillow to gain a better look. She stands up again, ready to attempt another climb when he delicately reaches down circling his fingers around her form, boosting her to the surface of his chest.

“Are you alright little one?” Loki asks. He watches as she nods then says: “I-I didn’t have the best of d-dreams, and I w-was kinda c-cold.” She says wrapping her arms around herself.

“Why didn’t you wake me up before attempting to mountain climb my dear?” Loki asks with a smirk.

“I didn’t w-want to be a bother. And I thought I-I could do it on my own. I didn’t expect you to be so b-big.” She admitted blushing.

His heart drops with sadness at her words. “Oh my little Y/n, you could never be a bother. Please come wake me up next time you have unpleasant dreams or need a hand.”

He watches the smile form on her face warming his heart and soul. She walks towards the center of his chest, her steps so tiny that they are almost imperceptible, and lays down. He brings a hand up to his chest, lightly laying it on top of her form.

“Sleep well little one” Loki whispers. Before he finally drifts off he thinks: “Perhaps there is a life worth living on this horrendous planet.”

#giant/tiny #gt loki #gt #loki oneshot #Loki #tiny #shrunk #marvel g/t #tiny reader

80 notes · View notes