#my home paragraph for class 6

[blankwashed]

Content Warnings: 18+ stuff here, ddlg (daddy dom, little girl), broken family, pretty rough sex, Toji himself should be a warning-

You let out a big sigh. It was probably the hardest or easiest essay you have ever gotten academically. It was an easy question for the rest of your classmates as they were happily writing away about their parents or guardians, thinking about the happy holidays and birthdays that they have received throughout their life.

15 minutes have passed and your paper was still blank, without even a paragraph structure. What could you write about your father? Sure, he wasn’t your actual father per se but your mother married him ever since you were a child so that counts, right?

At the age of 6, your mom kept going out on Friday nights, leaving you to be taken care of by your aunts and uncles. She would leave until it was Sunday night when she picks you up and brings you home. In the mind of a little child, you figured she went out for work purposes but in reality, she was going on dates with a special man whom you would eventually call dad.

Sometimes, she leaves you at home with food already prepared and brings him over. Of course, she would place your toys around the television and goes into the bedroom with the man. As you were innocent, you thought that they were both talking about business as your mother always looks pleased whenever she comes out of the room. A little tired, but a smile on her face.

This went on for 2 years until she came to you saying that you’ll finally have a father figure in your life. Of course, he was your father. The striking, muscular, tall man built like a soldier. Sometimes he made your heart beat faster and louder when he was around the home minding his own business. He watched you grow up into the gorgeous and pretty girl you are now. Attending teacher-parent meetings when necessary, signing documents and being your personal chauffeur whenever you and your friends wanted to go for outings to malls.

Behind all of that, you kept a deep and dark secret from everyone. Something you would not even tell your best friend or even a fly.

“Nyah! Daddy, sore from P.E. class yesterday! My teacher asked us to run laps and I think I overdid myself-“

He thrusted himself deeper into your dry pussy while his fingers were forming quick circles around your clitoris.

Sure, he filled the gap in your mom’s life when your actual dad left. But that wasn’t the only thing he was filling. Toji isn’t blind or stupid. Maybe a little out of his mind but as a man, he watched you grow up. Breasts forming, hips enlarging. It would be a lie if you say you didn’t secretly touched yourself thinking about him.

“No buts, bitch. Today was a hard day at work and the only thing that could make my day is your tight pussy. Mmm, thankfully it’s still tight,,,,,” He pushed himself deeper multiple times while playing with your clit. You were in pain due to the lack of foreplay and you remembered an idea you had in school during Arts class.

It was always something you’ve wanted to try. Running towards your school bag, rummaging through all your utensils.

Found it. A thick flowy strip of red ribbon.

“C‘mere daddy, let me decorate you before I feast on you,” smirking while tying a beautiful ribbon around his leaking hard cock. “Look daddy! It’s giving me a reward for making it look so appealing~” you said, referring to the trickles of pre-cum dripping.

Toji was about x years older than you. This wasn’t the first time he saw a chick gawking (no pun intended) at his length. Obviously that was also the way your own mother knew that he was the man for her.

“Getting creative, are we? Let daddy reward you for giving our play-time a little more effort,” he says lowly while playing with your left nipple with his tongue. His big hands always perform wonders on the rest of your body while his prize winning cock was busy elsewhere on your body.

Your moans were and are melodies to his ears. You weren’t big on being able to form sentences while getting fucked silly, however…

“Please daddy! I-I’m your little dirty slut, make me come daddy! I need it, I NEED you! Daddy…” you tried to touch your clit with your fingers but they were swatted away by his hand.

“When has it ever been about what you want, toy?” he spit on your pussy, and started to rub vigorously. It was in no way pleasurable and it hurt.

You knew he was doing this on purpose and knew that it wouldn’t get better if you kept disobeying his commands. With both your mom and Megumi away, he made you sit on the family’s dining table. Pushing away everything that could be in the way of him and you.

He pushed you down, readying himself to slurp on his wet, awaiting treasure. You were still a mess, moaning and screaming his name. “Daddy please, don’t make me wait any longer, please daddy,,,” your toes start curling and you could feel the long awaited climax reaching.

“Cumming daddy!!! Shit, I fucking love you-“ you screamed as you came while holding onto his broad shoulders. Your mind was as if it was in a different world, a world where Toji, your step-dad was yours. Where you didn’t have to hide your feelings towards him and you could touch him romantically and sexually in public.

so fucking horny for toji, are we???? (we as in me)

[periwinkla]

haha I’m back again haha-

If there was one thing you could change about the ace attorney story what would it be?

Personally it would be having the gap between where Phoenix and miles were in contact be a lot shorter. Because sometimes people forget Phoenix kinda stalked miles, they knew eachother for like a few months when they were 9 years old! So it is kinda creepy that Phoenix just stopped everything for him because he “looked sad.” The thing is we don’t even have confirmation that Phoenix tried contacting him. It would also make more sense if they were constantly talking to each other and it just stopped. Phoenix would have a better reason for the going into law school for a friend then “hE wAs sAd.” It’s honestly insane that nobody actually questions this for more than a minute! Like yeah, it’s the ace attorney universe. But are you telling me that no one thought “oh my god that is absolutely insane you need to talk to a therapist!” Anyways tell me what you think!

Haha hello again, anon :) (a few SOJ spoilers for the 1st paragraph) I don't think I would change any major event, but... I think I would change the way Trucy's relationship (or lack thereof) with some characters is depicted. Apart from the final SOJ scene with Edgeworth, it feels like Trucy doesn't have much of a relationship with the first trilogy's characters. In SOJ Maya doesn't mention her at all, even though it would make sense to have a dialogue with her asking Phoenix how his daughter was doing.... so maybe, if I were to change any part of the story, it would be for Edgeworth to notice she stuck in his suitcase a bit earlier so that she can take part in 6-5 at least. What she was even doing throughout the whole mayhem still baffles me... please don't tell me she was in the suitcase the whole time... I understand your point, although at least for me it just represents a character flaw & relationship flaw, and I find it interesting. I don't think it's something that's ever treated as a 'normal' decision in-game, either (Maya is flabbergasted when he tells her the reason he became a lawyer, for example). It shows how easily he gets attached to people and obsessed with saving them. It's an actual problem he has as a character. Also the class trial sells to me the narrative that Phoenix was a bit of an outcast in childhood (he had only Larry as a friend which is also mentioned to have had a not-so-good childhood).  And in such a circumstance there was this one person to stick out for him so vehemently. Then he sees that same person - someone he saw as a hero - in a newspaper depicted as a demon who would do anything for a guilty verdict, and he can’t accept it. Phoenix does this to an extreme degree, but he does everything in his life to extreme degrees, really. And it seems like to him, as long as he gets to save people, nothing is a big deal. Like ‘yeah this is just a thing I need to do to save that person’. It’s no biggie to change life paths to save someone, it’s no biggie to swallow a necklace, it’s no biggie crossing a bridge on fire, it’s no biggie adopting a kid at 26 when your life is in shambles. I like that Phoenix and Miles’s relationship is not an idyllic love story thing. Phoenix’s tendency to get too attached, obsessed, and fixated on saving people is one of his character flaws, which is something he needs to work on. Miles’s tendency to self-isolate and do everything by himself contrasts with that and they both need to learn from each other, really. Both are incredibly unhealthy. What drives this point home is 2-4 for me, because Phoenix makes Miles’s death all about himself, like it’s somehow his responsibility. When it really isn’t. Miles had to take some time for himself and figure himself out. It’s the way he did it that was wrong. They’re both wrong here.

By the way Phoenix confirms he tried to contact him, we just don't know the 'how'. I suspect he may have just phoned/sent something to the Prosecutor's office, but who knows. Miles didn't reply, regardless. Unless he sent like, dozens of stuff to the Prosecutor's office, I wouldn't define that as stalking; he also never even tries to be in his vicinity if not in the courtroom. By his logic, he only can get through to him via the law, after all. By showing him and reminding him what Miles himself taught him as children. That's why he became a defense attorney and not something like... I dunno, a detective? Would have been easier to talk to him if they worked together, no? But that wasn't the point. He wanted to inspire Miles to go back to being the person who inspired him when they were children. That's my understanding, anyway. (also I like to consider the fact that the whole Dahlia fiasco reminded him of the feeling of being accused, but I'd ramble so I'll stop here... there's a lot behind his decision to become a lawyer) I do think it would have been nice if they had at least a few more months together as children though. In the game it’s ambiguous when the class trial takes place (and the JP school year starts in April) so initially I had thought they were friends for something like 8ish months… but in the anime it’s set in September. To me this may imply that Phoenix didn’t have a nice childhood either; maybe it wasn't tragic, but he was lonely enough that he hanged on the memory of those 3-4ish months because those were his most precious ones. It’s… sad.

P.S. Sorry if I rambled too much anon, I tend to overanalyze stuff.

[bizarre-blorbo-bracket]

FINAL for real this time: Davis (Juror 8) from Twelve Angry Men vs the Bimodal Distribution from statistics

Propaganda under the cut, and it's REALLY worth it:

Davis (Juror 8) (these are all from the single submitter)

a quick lil list babes, and I apologise for all of this in advance:

He's from the fucking film 12 angry men. like, aside from letterbox bootlickers and middle school hass students NO ONE has watched this film let alone care about it, it was made in 1957, is shot almost exclusively in one room and the entire film is just middle aged white men yelling at each other over whether some not white poor kid should be sent to the electric chair. what the fuck.

Henry Fonda, the actor, was 52 years old at the time of filming

Henry Fonda is the father of Jane Fonda, the woman who would revolutionise the 80's with her home workouts and her blindingly neon leg warmers.

His name wasn't revealed until the very end of the film and even then it's just "Davis."

I could honestly give him a lil smooch

He's absolutely not girlypop but he's the ally-iest ally who's ever allied

He's categorised as a "Benevolent Leader" on the Heroes Wiki

instead of the overwhelming urge for me to coddle him like most all other blorbos, i would appreciate it switched

I have a photo of him inside my saxophone case and sometimes i forget he's in there, then he creeps into my saxophone bell and when I play it he shoots out like a ballistic missile

Dude, on ao3 there's more fanfiction about the real life 80's British punk band The Clash than the entire film of 12 angry men, let alone Davis (80 fics come up under the clash, while 10 come up for 12 angry men)

I have a counter, and I've watched 12 Angry men a total of 145 times. The figure is up on my wall in tallies. whenever the number goes up, I like to watch it in 5's so then I can put another full group of tallies on my wall.

I have incredibly detailed stories about how Davis would boogie down to ringo starr's solo career, and they're written within the margins of a book called Tobruk written by Peter Fitzsimons. The only reason I reread that book is to wonder at my elaborate works of fiction

My HASS teacher was the one to introduce me to 12 Angry Men as he played it for the entire class. He gave us a set of questions to complete on the film and a few Law based questions as a little treat, and he expected it to be handed in the next day. What he didn't expect was an 11 page monster of a response that included social commentary, 4 paragraphs dissecting the character of Davis alone, deeply discussed comparisons between the landscapes of politics and law in the 50's to the present, and basically an entire point-for-point summarisation of the film, completed with obscure quotes from Truman, Eisenhower, Nixon and Presley (Elvis). He presented the printed masterpiece in front of the entire class to shame me.

After class he explained how his favourite Juror would either be 6 or 5, because 6 seems like a big dumb teddybear and he just liked 5. I explained how I liked Davis because he didn't want to send a kid to die, then he told me how Davis would make a good cowboy (at this point in time I was unaware of Henry Fonda's role in Once Upon A Time in The West) and I proceeded to go home and write a 3 part orchestral composition that I could pretend would play as the soundtrack to Juror 8: A Cowboy's Tale or something like that

I had started to make an animation meme starring Davis but only gave up when photoshop literally deleted itself from my laptop

I didn't even hear that Juror 8's name was Davis when I first watched it in class, somehow I only heard it on my 6th rewatch but when I did I literally got so excited I literally got winded and cried a little bit, I had to take a panadol because I got so lightheaded

I have learned the musical motif that plays throughout the film on saxophone, clarinet, recorder, guitar, bass, ukulele, piano and trumpet

I have visions of him

One of Davis' 3 children HAS to be gay and nothing can convince me otherwise

honest to god I'd be a home wrecker if it came to him

I quote not only Davis but the film a lot, and sometimes in the dead silence of all my friends I go on about how the old man couldn't have possibly made it to the door in such a short amount of time to see the kid running down the stairs (because the old man has a limp, and Davis proved it my limping around the room, which I have to say was incredibly attractive of him)

He's literally an architect

I once had a dream where Davis was in my bass guitar case when I opened it, and i literally just picked him up and started picking him like a bass guitar until I tried to play a full chord and he bit the hand that was meant to be on the fretboard. I dropped him and he fell on his ass, and when I said "what the hell dude what was that for" he said bass chords are lowkey ugly to listen to, and since then i don't like playing bass chords because now they're lowkey ugly to listen to. before this ordeal, i enjoyed them, but alas

i once got my romantic partner to write me a davis x reader fanfiction as a birthday present

my parents believe that Davis is my first celebrity crush, and while they're actually wrong it's still actually so embarrassing they believe that because OH MY GOD it's literally JUROR 8 FROM 12 ANGRY MEN

I've attempted slam poetry about him

I've eaten a paper printed full a4 size photo of his hand

I would also not mind him to be literally my father, but given the rest of the things I've just said about him that's really weird and I recognise that

the Bimodal Distribution

First of all, it's a math concept. that is already pretty bizarre of a thing to be blorbo-ifying. Second of all, I don't know any calculus, and I don't consider myself a math person (because I hate arithmetic), but I really like this guy for some reason. I mean this graph clearly holds the secrets of the universe. don't you just want to l o o k at it . like you could solve everything in the world with that boy

[im-yn-suckers]

ink

pairing-bf niki x gf reader

warnings-kisses, lotssssss, both of yall are soft asf, reader is up at 11 and niki gets home from dance practice at that time, crying, mention of snot, cuddles, mention of s*gag* sch*gag* school.*gag* not proofread bc im lAzy, lmk what i missed

why are you up at 11 with your computer on right in front of you? because of your fucking professor. yes, yesterday you had to miss class because you overslept. like its not your fault that school starts at 6 and they give you homework that takes you hours to do. anyway, according to your friends, you had an essay due tomorrow so you only had one day to work on it.

your pens and pencils were scattered all over the table. your notebook was open and your notes were written messily due to you being extremely tired. sticky notes on the edge of your laptop and notes.

dry tears stained your face and left a pink tint. your lips and mouth were sore from having them scrunched. your eyes were puffy, and your nose with snot coming out of it. you reached for your tissue, and placed it in the trash next to you, after cleaning your nose.

a minimum of 1,000 words for your essay, 100 done. stress was going in through the front door, sadness through the back and exhaustion through the windows.

you looked up to the ceiling to prevent crying, almost there. you can do it, you know you can. so why are you telling yourself you cant. it was dark out and you could barely see. 100 words, 10 tear stained tissues, and one coffee later, you took a two minute break. not enough. tears ran down your face while typing, your hands cramping and at the very moment you let out a sob-

-"Y/N!!! im home and i have some sna- baby, whats wrong?"- even though he was tired at this hour, he was always energized to see your face. he dropped the bags of snacks and drinks on the floor and went to hug you.

he saw your laptops screen, tissues, notes, pens and tear stained pages and started to peck your scalp.

-"its ok, my love. you'll be ok, i'm here. nothings going to happen"- he reassured you, rubbing your back and pressing kisses to your forehead.

he closed your laptop notebook and pencil case, wiped your tears, and put it all in a pile to the side. he put the snacks and drinks on the table.

after a bit of eating, laughing and reassuring, you told him your essay was due tomorrow. he set your stuff up and told you to take deep breaths to calm down before starting again.

you had one paragraph left, you're almost there. you can do it. you set your hand on the table to look through your notes. niki grabbed a pen and your hand. he started to doodle some weird figures. little giggles escaping his lips. he switched the color to red, holding your hand down so you wont look

you wondered what he was doing. he smirked mischievously, put the pen back and laid his head on the table to avoid your eyes.

you looked at your hand and saw two stick figures in black ink. they were holding hands and had big smiles on their face. in red ink, there was a heart surrounded by 5 little ones. flowers in the background as well.

you looked over at niki who was looking at you. he blinked in awe and you finished your essay. you closed you laptop and put everything in your backpack. you walked over to your room while niki was getting ready to sleep.

you looked at your hand again and nik just stood at the door frame. you quickly finished getting ready and laid down. niki plopped himself on top of you playfully, filling your room with laughter.

-"i'm so proud of you baby. i love you"- he said, kissing your head

-"i know, i love you too"- he leaned forward and kissed you softly.

he held you close to him and kissed you passionately. he fell asleep after a few seconds and you looked at your hand once more. you kissed his nose and fell asleep on his arms

an: wow, its longer than usual. woohoo. slayyy fr. sunghoon drabble coming soon yall

[friend-of-wisdom]

89/100 days of productivity

Monday, August 19th 2024

I have become a THESIS MONSTER AAAAAAAAAA

I actually drank too much coffee while sleep deprived and ended up writing 2 pages of my thesis in like 2 hours (which is a lot for me, really) and have lots of ideas of what to add next, so I'll probably write another 2 pages yet today. That's such progress!! I'm really excited seeing the text come to life. A big thank you to my boyfriend who supports me and cheers me up when i send him a text every 30min saying how many words I wrote of my thesis :D

So, let's start from the beginning: I woke up at 6:30 am to go to class, and it hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be. I'm managing to go to bed around midnight, which is still late but is good enough to survive 2 hours of class. Hopefully it will continue like this or better! I kinda enjoyed waking up early? Yes, I start feeling sleepy when I get home at 10 am but there's so many hours of sun available when one wakes up early. So even if I take a nap, I still have a lot of daytime to enjoy.

After class, at 9am, I went to a store to pick up a usb hub I bought on the internet for my computer, and only then did I go home. Read a chapter of a philosophy / politics book I got from a professor in the subway. It was quite interesting for my research! Spent the next hours at home doing research and writing my thesis.

Then, I did some medical documentation stuff cus i have some appointments to go to. I then read a couple of chapters of Isaac Asimov's The Naked Sun. Then I went to gym and exercised a little! I am so weak lol I gotta change that... After taking a shower and eating, I played some minecraft, wrote one last paragraph of my thesis, then finished the day watching Seven Samurai with my bf ♡

[thewickerking]

mutual 1: WDYM none of you have heard explosion gun ???? theyre from the 1930s, sure but they literally made the best song ever [long title or series of numbers that have no meaning]

mutual 2: hey guys can you fill out this survey for my class? its about 15 minutes and it would mean a lot!! i love you

mutual 3: ughhhhh can this guy stop flirting with me? i told him to kill himself after he said [horrifically racist sentence] and he hasnt gotten the hint

mutual 4: im liveblogging a game from 12 years ago if you dont want spoilers im tagging my posts about it as #plwm3 liveblog !!

mutual 5: [poll] should i brutally murder this oc before or after he gets divorced

mutual 6: ok I knowwww im learning 6 languages rn but it would be so fun to learn russian.....

mutual 7: what do you mean you freaks dont dip your bananas in orange juice??? This is literally so normal why are you call me the weird one

mutual 8: just finished meeting up with mutual 9 irl it was so fun im gonna miss you now that you're home again </3

mutual 9: mutual 8 locked me in a basement for 4 hours and played clown music. i wish i couldve stayed longer

mutual 10: OMG THE NEW TRAILER FOR BRIMBLUS JUST DROPPED?????? EVERYONEEE LOOOOOOOK

mutual 11: my dad got me a milkshake breakdown cancelled everyone 🎉🎉

mutual 12: this post reminds me of *******

mutual 13: mutual ^ is talking about scorblo btw

mutual 12: HEY???? MUTUAL 13???? CAN YOU KILL YOURSELF????

mutual 14: [describes the most horrific repeated childhood trauma] but idk if im allowed to say i have mental illness cause im not diagnosed

mutual 15: guys do you think im more blue or purple coded :3

mutual 16: in response to all the transformers fandom callout calling me lesbophobic and racist: [ten paragraphs that make it clear they're clearly the only normal person in this scenario]

mutual 17: wait you guys are actually going to pumpkin patches? i thought those were made up ive never seen a pumpkin irl before...

mutual 18: guys can anybody see me. Please. No one's responding am I shadowbanned or do you all hate me [they're shadowbanned]

mutual 19: ugh this one customer keeps brutally murdering our servers at the restaurant i work at i wanna quit sooo bad but i might get promoted soon so idk

mutual 20: [reblogs a web weaving post about judas] UGH i need to fuck him sloppy style and **** ****** ***** **** *** ***

mutual 21: spam reblogs a genshin character

mutual 22: [screenshot of mutual 21s blog with filtered tags of the characters] you're lucky i care about you so much.

mutual 23: i think im losing my grip on reality. omg wait but look at this cute dog i saw walking home the other day

mutual 24: hi everyone! i just got back from a 6 month social media break :) hope everyones been doing well!

[rosainta]

Team Fortress 2: MEGA Art Dump!

Finished January 26th, 2024 at 8:54PM, Home

(Post notes at end!)

Page #1: ROBLOX ‘Free Draw’ : “Miss Pauling - Full Body”

Page #2: ROBLOX ‘Free Draw’ : “Speeding Bullet (Sniper x Scout)”

Pages #3 and 4: Experimental sketches : “TF2 Comics Art Style Analysis [Miss Pauling, Sniper, Scout]”

Pages #5 and 6: Experimental sketches : “Miss Pauling Comic Style Analysis + Reference”

Page #7: Twitch Stream Sketch: “What is on Merasmus’s Sweater?!”

Pages #8, 9 and 10: Wallpaper : “Team Fortress 2 Personalized Wallpapers”

Pages #11 and 12: Spotify Playlist Cover : “Miss Pauling’s Mercenary Picks & Tribute to the Wild and Free”

~ * ~

Post Notes:

Hello world!

Yesterday during classes, I did some character analysis from the Team Fortress 2 comics, and while going through the work afterwards, I realized that I had of old art from before that I didn’t share yet - so, here they are!

This is basically just a compilation of some of my unpublished “refined” (or at least post-worthy) TF2 art dating back to May 2023.

A few of them were made without a lot of reference (like the ROBLOX ‘Free Draw’ ones), with a few disproportionate limbs (Miss Pauling: Reference Sheet) and using artwork from other artists (in the wallpapers & Spotify Playlist covers - taken from TF2 official comics & unknown artists [please message me if you know them so I can credit them!], but seeing as they didn’t ressemble chicken scratch or effortless scribbles that badly, I decided to post them anyway!

I’m quite proud with how some of them came out, specifically the ROBLOX ‘Free Draw’ ones and the wallpapers, because I worked pretty hard on them and was able to display / use them afterwards, so I’m happy to be able to show that to you as well!

Of course, there’s always room for improvement (considering the observations from the paragraph above), so I will continue to strive for betterment moving forward (specifically anatomy and expression practice).

I’ll try to keep you posted whenever I can! There’s more to come very soon.

Hope you enjoyed my mini burst of a TF2 gallery :-)

(For more quirky content, follow me here on some of these platforms! (I’ll eventually make an account list post so keep your eyes peeled for that 👀)

• TWITCH: RosainTWA [empty at the moment!]

• X (Twitter): RosainXA

• YOUTUBE: rosainquivan

• BANDLAB: RosainBLA

• AO3: RosainAO3 [also empty, but check out the ‘Bookmarks’ section for great fic recommendations!]

• ROBLOX: RainAtGames

… and more to be (eventually) added!)

~ Rosain Quivan

Credits: Team Fortress 2 by Valve, ‘Free Draw!’ by Free Draw! on ROBLOX, Unknown artists (Pages #11 and 12)

Image source: Rosain Quivan,

Created by Rosain Quivan [Cross-posted on Amino ( Rosain Quivan )]

[fatehbaz]

[T]he infamous Diable (Devil’s Island) [French prison in Guiana, South America] [...]. Seventy thousand convicts were sent to French Guiana between 1852 and 1938. [...] Alongside deportation of political prisoners [...], a [...] convict population [...] was sent to the bagne (common parlance for the penal colony) [...] as a utopian colonial project [...] via the contribution convict labour would make towards colonial development in French Guaina. However, [...] French Guiana [...] was predominantly used as a depository for the unwanted citizens of France and its colonies. The last remaining French and North African convicts were repatriated in 1953, whereas the last Vietnamese prisoners were not given passage home until 1954 [...].

[T]he same form of built environment and carceral technology [...] structures found on Con Dao [French prison in Vietnam] and [the French prison in Guiana] [were] built at almost the same time [...] to house the same convict populations (Vietnamese implicated in anticolonial struggles) [...]. Old world colonialism is thus displaced by new world imperialism. Both rely on the prison island and its cellblocks. [...]

---

The carceral continuities [...] throughout France’s penal colonies are supplemented by legal exceptionalism which works to redefine colonial subjects within shifting political contexts. [...] Many of the Indochinois convicts transported to the forest camps of French Guiana in 1931, including the Bagne des annamites, had originally been classed as political prisoners. The transfer was intended in part [...] to remove a number of anticolonial actors from Indochina. [...]

As political deportees sent to French Guiana were usually exempt from labour according to the political decree of 1850, this status had to be revoked to ensure the maximum labour force possible.

Consequently, those arrested on suspicion of specific acts of violence or property damage were reclassed as common criminals. Described by Dedebant and Frémaux (2012, 7) as “little arrangements between governors,” this was not simply a sleight of hand but written into legal codes. [...]

---

[M]any of the Vietnamese sent to French Guiana had to wait until the 1960s to be repatriated. [...] After their sentences were completed, convicts were not simply repatriated to France or other colonies.

A system of “doublage” intended to shore up colonial development meant they had to serve the same length of their sentence again on the colony. For those condemned to eight years or more, this became life. Opportunities for sustainable livelihood were limited in a territory possessing swathes of free convict labour. Worn out and sick from their time in the bagne, most of these men were unfit to work and relied on charity to survive. [...]

[T]he last living convict [of the Guiana penal colony] [...] died in Algeria in 2007 after being repatriated to Annaba. In an interview given in 2005, he claims that every night he dreams he is back in Cayenne: “when I think about it, I get vertigo, I spent my life there” [...].

---

All text above by: Sophie Fuggle. "From Green Hell to Grey Heritage: Ecologies of Colour in the Penal Colony". Interventions: International Journal of Postcolonial Studies Volume 24, Issue 6. 2022. Published online 8 April 2021. [Bold emphasis and some paragraph breaks/contractions added by me. Presented here for commentary, teaching, criticism purposes.]

[catboybiologist]

I would add for the person that asked about the PhD, and I'm being very serious here:

If you are thinking about doing a PhD because you're not certain what you want to do, the job market looks scary, and it seems like a very easy and straightforward next step from your undergraduate degree it's very likely that you're about to have an extremely unpleasant next 5-6 years of your life.

I both agree and disagree. And fuck this turned into a long answer about both the joys and the bullshit that is a PhD.

PhDs can be amazing and enjoyable, but you really have to enjoy them for the research itself. You can't be chasing prestige, you can't be chasing a paycheck.

PhDs are like, the time in your career to fuck around with research. Since the arc of your career isn't set in stone, you can really think about acquiring new skills constantly, doing eclectic side projects, talking with professors outside of your field, and digging into inquiry both in terms of novel research and being fed information that already exists. Many academics say that their PhD was the time in their research career where they felt the most enriched by the sheer freedom and inquiry of it all.

And honestly, I've been feeling that as well. My 1.5 years of my PhD so far have been some of the best times of my life. My research is interesting, I'm learning so many amazing things, I've met so many incredible people, and the sense of community that exists in the academic world for early career people is amazing. I mean this both professionally and socially- without the lgbt grad student group I'm a part of, the decision to start HRT would've been a lot more difficult.'and the sense of community that exists in the academic world for early career people is amazing. I mean this both professionally and socially- without the lgbt grad student group I'm a part of, the decision to start HRT would've been a lot more difficult.

Of course, the make or break point with how enjoyable your research is, is your research advisor/principle investigator. They essentially control what your research is going to be like. I had an incredible undergrad PI, and I also have an incredible PhD PI. But.... my master's PI..... shudder. PI selection could be its own post, but I'm adding this paragraph last, and Y I K E S this is already long.

So you really gotta love it for research's sake, and work with good people. Many people go into a PhD wanting to make some splash on the scientific world or their field. This also means they're more likely to try to chase prestige, and work with big figures in their field even if the lab environment is toxic and unsupportive. The reality is that whether that happens, and when, is a stroke of luck. And also, you'll essentially keep chasing that high forever. I had the good fortune to stumble into a prestigious collaboration during my undergrad that got me a good publication. While I'm still grateful for my luck and proud of it, too many academics base their self worth on that kind of thing- which is a one way ticket to self-abuse and burnout.

And then, of course, there's the money. As I've mentioned in my pin, you're often getting paid minimum wage, or oftentimes, less than minimum wage, in high cost of living areas, when you already have multiple technical degrees. The way they validate varies between universities, but its always backhanded. For me, my yearly income is, on paper, about triple what I actually get paid.

There are two ways this is validated. One, even though you're an employee and oftentimes aren't taking classes, the university still charges you tuition. The IRS at least isn't evil enough to tax you on income you don't take home- your "tuition" is deductible (although the Republican led congress in 2017 tried [and luckily failed] to change this[if I hear one more person claim that Republicans are anti-taxes I'm going to flip my shit]).

The other way is by fucking with your hours. Some universities don't consider any work you do on *your* research project to be "work". Instead, anything reportable as "work" has to be something in service to the university- a familiar way is TAing, but even when you're not TAing, *technically* some universities want you to have several side projects that are completely unrelated to your thesis. Which is basically impossible. So, oftentimes, you're on a contract that considers you a part-time employee, when you're actually working more than 40 or 50 hours a week.

This is bullshit also because the line where one project begins and another ends is so fuzzy that it doesn't exist. I have two major overarching things I work in, that are pretty cleanly delineated bc they're in two different model organisms, but even then there's so much crossover that it's hard to tell what's going to make it into my actual thesis by the end. Also, your thesis makes money for the university. The grant money that your thesis will generate, partially goes to the university itself, through various mechanisms including overhead charges on funding and/or charging "rent" on professors that maintain labs.

Of course, both of these are fucking bullshit and only exist so that universities can exploit tax loopholes, that I can't claim to understand. A lot of recent union negotiations in my University system are changing some of this (kinda doxxing myself but there's a shitton of campuses and its one of the largest uni systems in the US and y'all already knew what state I was in so *shrug*) and while I support them, I don't claim to understand a lot of the new agreements. I really, really don't have a brain for paperwork and bureaucracy, but there's a lot of helpful union reps and advisors whose help I lean on heavily.

Again. I don't understand a lot of this. I have 0 brain for this. I have severe ADHD. I let things happen and ask my peers for help on this a lot. This could be different at other unis, or I could just be flat out wrong about the stuff I'm experiencing.

I'm gonna be honest... I've also just been working on post burnout fumes since my master's and I'm just in a lab environment that's been patient with me on that. I do enjoy what I do though, but I'm certainly taking things much slower and more relaxed than a lot of my peers. Oftentimes, this is punished, but hey. I already have an MS, and I'm having fun so far, so we'll just see how far this takes me.

But yeah. tl;dr PhDs are an amazing, beautiful, and wonderful thing where the true heart of science really lets you cut loose and do exciting things. But you have to love it a lot, because my fucking god the practical reality of it is that you're being deliberately fucked over at every step of the way.

And don't even get me started about master's degrees. Holy fuck that shit is rough.

[flaresanimedump]

Ok so. I was gonna make a post that Ranpo technically didn't go to school. So I went to look at the Origins novel and I checked the raw because of all the omissions in the TL (Ranpo was kicked out of the police academy 6 months before the start of the plot not "less than a year ago" it's very explicitly 半年 "half year"). And uh. Well so on that topic they kicked him out when he was 13, but a police academy isn't considered a real school in Japan so while his education in Japanese language continued he didn't have the core subjects from the age of 12 on. But also.

The English line when Ranpo talks about the school is: "The rules were a pain in the ass. Don’t leave the dorm after curfew, no buying sweets, wear these clothes, follow these rules. And the classes bored me to death."

These are all relatively common restrictions for Japanese schools (snacking is only prohibited at stricter ones), though a couple of wording things stood out. One, the "pain in the ass" rules is 規則 (actually rules) and "follow these rules" is 規律 - ominously "discipline" (this line being more like "not to mention X, Y, Z, Z being the discipline). "Discipline" isn't "punishment," it just has a strictness vibe, but it's a creepy thing to say imo. I hear this and think Trunchbull from Matilda.

So I went to check out the Wikipedia page on "Police Academies" and I see "脱走及び逃走の防止" - "escape and escape prevention" which is an immediate red flag for any live-in institution. "Escape" could also be translated as "desertion" but what followed was a short paragraph saying "there's no barbed wire like a prison but coming and going is strictly controlled" so I'm going with "escape." Ranpo attended something like those kiddie marine bootcamps that were all the rage in the 2000s. I don't know about anybody else but growing up nondivergent camps like that were my absolute worst nightmare.

So I'm already Distressed at the thought of this - but thing about "no buying sweets" is it's age-focused. "No buying sweets" is like "no snacking" but it's specifically "[a child] buying and eating sweets [while away from home thus spoiling their appetite]." This is against the rules because "they should eat food prepared by their parents" and the,,, incredibly sad irony isn't lost on me there even though the academy was feeding him. Which begs the question: can you really train a 12 year old to become a detective?

So I went to the Japanese National Police Agency website because I wasn't sure what the age range for attendance at these schools was. And I found it.

Eighteen to thirty.

Ranpo lasted eighteen months in a military academy for eighteen to thirty year olds until they kicked him out.

*I'm not going to claim this is all 100% right since Japanese prefectures set the lower age limit at 18, which could mean Asagiri was just makin' shit up or there's some lesser-known police middle school that calls itself the exact same thing as the one for adults. You're only supposed to stay at them for 10 months so there's already some other suspect things here. But I think it's pretty on-brand for Ranpo to think college-level classes are boring. Also his dad was connected to the principal so he could probably bend the rules a little to get Ranpo admitted.

[secretsnowclub]

TTRPG Class: How to Write

Previous Post: Quasi-Text

First Post: Reading List

This was originally posted in my huge post-mortem on the .dungeon//remastered kickstarter and its success. I’m separating it from that and making it its own thing. I’ll be elaborating some of the smaller points and expanding definitions. Things like that. 

Firstly, I will say that if you are trying to be a writer for a company or get hired by someone else? These might not help you. Those companies are looking for you to write like them, which depends upon the project and countless variables I can’t quantify. It’s also an entire skill of its own. Freelance or ghost writing can often be about how well you understand different voices, different systems, and things of that nature. I’m honestly not *the best* at that kind of thing. These tips are specifically to help with the writer’s broader craft; specifically, the craft of TTRPG writing which I have found myself a professional in.

Don’t be boring. If you’re bored, skip it. Delete it. Forget about it. 

I picked this up from a screenwriting book way back before I decided to go back to college and while I was deep in the weeds of writing scripts for the movies I had in my head. The original tip-giver said to write “don’t be boring” on a post-it note and slap it on your monitor. I did that for a very long time until the post-it lost its stickiness and fell off in a move. 

This is important to TTRPGs because you don’t have to write everything. Even if you think a game needs a thing, if you aren’t excited about it, skip it. Chances are that what you’re excited about will be what you want others to be excited about as well.

2. Have a routine.

I fail at this quite often. Life changes shift my routine and knock it out of whack. But I do know that when I was in college? I had a routine and my writing output was ridiculous. And when I work on a project I tend to settle into a routine that involves waking up, exercise of some kind (usually a walk), shower, ride bike or walk to Library or coffee shop, write as much as I can, and come home to decompress/work on layout. 

Each project has had its own routine essentially and it’s important to let those routines form. I think fluidity is important even within the rigidity of the idea of Routine. Each project will have its own life and its own functions within your life. Let yourself discover new ways and new paths to reach the end goal. 

3. When writing fiction, aim for 2k words daily.

This is Stephen King’s thing. I used to do this and whenever I am writing *fiction* I still have it as my goal. But it is unattainable a lot of the time. Especially with games writing, where even just 10 words can be the focus of an entire day of work. Don’t beat yourself up over this. 

4. Write in paragraphs. Each should be an idea, preferably separated by headers. Otherwise you’re probably saying too much.

Sometimes I write in bullet points, but that’s an outline at best. A paragraph is one of the best tools you have as a writer. But it also allows you to set limits on your ideas so you’re not writing walls of text to describe your magic system or anything else. It helps you figure out your more complex systems and point out the individual ideas that make it up. If you’re writing several paragraphs about one thing? It’s probably several things that you’re trying to wedge into one.

5. Instead of writing a random generator for something, just write the good version of that thing.

6. Make a map. Put your ideas on the map. No more lists or procedural generation.

Personal pet peeve of mine. I’m not huge on random generators. I will always say that, instead of writing 100 random ideas for islands, just write one good island. And if you’ve got more in you after that? Perfect. My goal with Game Writing is to present something that’s worth paying for and worth exploring. Whether it’s a rule book or otherwise. I try to avoid random tables as often as I can.

7. Theme comes later. First, the writing.

This may be contentious. I view the act of writing as an act of discovery. I greatly enjoy Automatic Writing. I tend to follow a very train-of-thought style of writing. It feels similar to a valve that I turn on to clear out and let clean water flow. If I get caught up in the Big Picture, I’ll never get the faucet running. Get everything out of yourself before you begin self-editing. Let it all be laid out so you can look at it and then discover what It is.

8. When writing rules, remember “if…then.”

If a player chooses this option, then this happens. If a player rolls low, then this happens. And so on. This is helpful when simply stating a rule. You don’t want to get burdened by word choice. You want it to be clear and easily understood. If-then statements are easy to understand. 

9. Get a good editor and listen to them.

A good editor will tell you you’re wrong. A good editor will ask you to rewrite things because they don’t make sense. A good editor is critical but not malicious. This relationship is mutual and about respect for the work. It’s not about egos or hype. It’s simply about making the best book you can. Also, if you can’t defend a choice you’ve made, then listen to your editor when they tell you to cut it.

10. A great game is made of “catch-all” or “default” rules. Such as, “when in doubt, roll d20. Higher numbers are better.” They’re easily grasped and fill the gaps that all TTRPG texts have.

Yeah. I think all of the games people hold up as “great” have these. PbtA is built entirely on one catch-all rule that has changed the landscape of indie design since it was put on the page. It makes things easier for folks at the table when things are moving away from the text.

11. Your goal is to write one thing that’s True. This is the Work.

This is my goal when writing and sometimes it doesn’t happen. Sometimes I write thousands of words and they’re all useless. And it will always be useless until I find that One True Thing. Sometimes an entire book is just for that One Thing.

12. Refill the tank. Life is important and creates art.

This is what a screenwriting teacher said to me. “Refill the tank.” You have to participate in life to be able to write. That doesn’t mean you have to be extroverted and shit like that. It means that you gotta do things that recharge you. You gotta have experiences. You have to live your life. Have a life. 

13. The writer’s job is asking “what if?”

Stephen King might have said this too? I don’t remember. But yeah, I spend a lot of time asking “what if–” and seeing which weird scenarios spark my interest enough to write. For games or for fiction.

14. Read. A lot.

I count audiobooks. But, yeah. You gotta read stuff. Other games, novels, short stories, blogs, comics even. Take in art. It’s actually your number one job as a human. Enjoy art.

15. Go for a walk without music or a book-on-tape or a podcast. Walk and talk to yourself. Ask yourself questions about what you’re working on. Talk to yourself. Be in conversation with yourself. You are complicated and deserve attention.

I mean it :I They say the best ideas come to you in the shower. Well, that’s also true for any quiet, introspective time.

16. Have peers. Not just collaborators or colleagues, people whose work you respect. They should make you want to be better.

I get jealous of other people’s work and that’s how I know. When I’m like, “FUCK! I wish I thought of that!!” Those are the people I wanna talk to haha

17. If things just aren’t coming? Take a break. If you’re feeling aggravated, eat some food, drink some water, and get some rest.

You can’t force it. I know we can’t all take a break whenever we want, but please try.

18. Know yourself. Most people can’t sit alone with themselves. But knowing yourself is paramount. Therapy can help too. Knowing yourself means knowing why you like something, developing taste and not hiding it, knowing where to waste your time and where not to. This takes time. This is the Work.

I learn something new about myself nearly every day. I’m very curious about myself. I’m a studier of Myself. I want to know how it all works up there in my brain. I want to make it make sense. 

19. A hex/encounter/dungeon room/story can just be a weird, little guy.

Yeah. You can do Dungeon23 right now by just browsing pinterest and saving a bunch of images of cools NPCs. Your whole dungeon can just be pictures of NPCs that you make up personalities for at the table.

20. Write the game you want to play, not the one you think others will.

I think I wrote this in response to another project I saw at the time. But it’s true at all times. We’re indie designers. Why else are we doing this if not to tell our stories? 

21. Make sure your needs are taken care of by the budget before hiring collaborators.

It’s common in the indie TTRPG space to rely on collaborator clout to draw people to your project during crowdfunding. And it’s common for those sorts of things to ruin a project financially. The process will always take longer than you expect, so please make sure YOUR needs are met before you start paying other people. There’s nothing worse than promising a paycheck to someone and having to rescind the offer because something happened and you had to use their money on rent. Like, just please? Care for yourself. 

22. No stretch goals.

This is a Me thing. But I say it to everyone who comes to me asking for advice on their first crowdfunded project. Keep it simple. You want to deliver. You don’t want to overpromise. You simply want to be able to do the thing so that you can do another one later. Take it slow.

23. When writing Hurt, the most important thing is that you are human. What you feel is human. What happened to you is also human.

This is about empathy. For your characters and situations they find themselves in. It’s also about honesty. The most biting and beautiful passages of my favorite books have been honest. Because the truth is, when experiencing Hurt, things aren’t so cut and dry in your head. And your reactions might seem weird in hindsight. You might feel ashamed or guilty for not reacting a certain way. Just please have empathy for yourself. The readers will relate to the honesty.

24. End all dialog with “said.” It’s all you need.

This is a good rule because it means you have to choose to break it. Which means you have to think about why you’re breaking it. Which means you can defend breaking it. Which means your editor has to listen to you for once. :P

25. Writing is a skill as much as it is an art. Give it respect. Good writers don’t simply fall out of the womb. They mastered a craft. Not unlike any other skill or discipline. You won’t build a good chair on your first try.

It took me a long time to learn this. Writing is actually very hard and every good paragraph you read is a masterpiece of patience and skill. 

26. Find time to write. How else can you be a writer?

I hate including things because I see a silly take on twitter. But yeah, obviously. Writers write. 

27. Writing can be lonely, but shouldn't be solitary. No book is made by one set of hands.

This is true of every project I’ve done. Even my most recent effort, Melancholy Island, had my friend Char’s photography in it. Beyond that, I talked to my best friend Coleen frequently about it just to keep my head straight and focused. I also have my discord where I would lament and talk and such. Each of these things are helpful in the process of writing. Don’t isolate yourself.

28. Having an opinion is easy. Having a good one worth defending is the Work. If you have nothing to say, do anything other than write.

This may be more true of non-fiction writing, but it’s true of TTRPGs as well, otherwise you’d just play one of the thousands upon thousands of games that are already out. Figure out why it is you *don’t* want to play them and focus in on that. Your opinion lies somewhere in there.

29. Never submit a first draft.

Like, please? Have more respect for your craft. I think third draft at the earliest. That’s when I usually get an editor.

30. Don’t follow trends.

31. Writing is about making choices. Half measures are worthless. Make a choice. If it’s the wrong choice: that’s fine.

32. When writing games, you’re composing an incomplete text. Otherwise it’s a script. Choosing to write a game over a novel is an important decision.

These are all related. 

33. The two ideas circling your head are actually one idea.

I combine ideas that seem disparate all the time. It unlocks the Good Stuff.

34. Take yourself seriously. Listen to yourself. This is how you gain confidence.

35. You need to learn to say, “That’s a bad idea.”

These two both boil down to “have confidence in, and know, your taste.”

36. When writing, ignore the first thing that pops into your head. Ignore the second thing too. The third idea is where the work starts.

I’ve found when running games, the first idea I think of is often the most obvious. The second one ends up being a gimmick or a twist. But the third idea is where the humanity tends to come in. Thinking beyond tropes and cliches to find the Truth you’re trying to say.

37. Western writing traditions are not the world.

I wish I had been taught this in school. Cause the hero’s journey ruined me for a long time.

38. If you aren’t sure if you can or should write something: experience more art. You don’t need permission. You need to broaden your horizons. You’re not the first to tread this path.

We’re hardly ever doing something truly original. Find the blueprints and figure out how to make them yours. Use them to tell your story.

39. If you can’t say why you chose to do something, shut up and listen to your editor.

Yeah! :I

40. The most beautiful critique isn’t worth as much as the most mediocre art.

Keep making art.

41. Copy writing you enjoy. Assimilate it.

I steal ideas, concepts, and techniques from every single thing I read/experience. This is how you become more skilled at your craft.

42. Your job, as a writer, is to make a claim. Any claim. Your art can’t be for everyone. You can’t write for the lowest common denominator. You can’t write for the widest possible audience. Be you. That’s how you find your audience.

You’ve got things to say! Even if you don’t know it yet. That is part of the Work.

If you like my work, support me on patreon!

And check out my latest book over on itch!

[bizarre-blorbo-bracket]

FINAL: Davis (Juror 8) from Twelve Angry Men vs the Bimodal Distribution from statistics

Propaganda under the cut, and it's REALLY worth it:

Davis (Juror 8) (these are all from the single submitter)

a quick lil list babes, and I apologise for all of this in advance:

He's from the fucking film 12 angry men. like, aside from letterbox bootlickers and middle school hass students NO ONE has watched this film let alone care about it, it was made in 1957, is shot almost exclusively in one room and the entire film is just middle aged white men yelling at each other over whether some not white poor kid should be sent to the electric chair. what the fuck.

Henry Fonda, the actor, was 52 years old at the time of filming

Henry Fonda is the father of Jane Fonda, the woman who would revolutionise the 80's with her home workouts and her blindingly neon leg warmers.

His name wasn't revealed until the very end of the film and even then it's just "Davis."

I could honestly give him a lil smooch

He's absolutely not girlypop but he's the ally-iest ally who's ever allied

He's categorised as a "Benevolent Leader" on the Heroes Wiki

instead of the overwhelming urge for me to coddle him like most all other blorbos, i would appreciate it switched

I have a photo of him inside my saxophone case and sometimes i forget he's in there, then he creeps into my saxophone bell and when I play it he shoots out like a ballistic missile

Dude, on ao3 there's more fanfiction about the real life 80's British punk band The Clash than the entire film of 12 angry men, let alone Davis (80 fics come up under the clash, while 10 come up for 12 angry men)

I have a counter, and I've watched 12 Angry men a total of 145 times. The figure is up on my wall in tallies. whenever the number goes up, I like to watch it in 5's so then I can put another full group of tallies on my wall.

I have incredibly detailed stories about how Davis would boogie down to ringo starr's solo career, and they're written within the margins of a book called Tobruk written by Peter Fitzsimons. The only reason I reread that book is to wonder at my elaborate works of fiction

My HASS teacher was the one to introduce me to 12 Angry Men as he played it for the entire class. He gave us a set of questions to complete on the film and a few Law based questions as a little treat, and he expected it to be handed in the next day. What he didn't expect was an 11 page monster of a response that included social commentary, 4 paragraphs dissecting the character of Davis alone, deeply discussed comparisons between the landscapes of politics and law in the 50's to the present, and basically an entire point-for-point summarisation of the film, completed with obscure quotes from Truman, Eisenhower, Nixon and Presley (Elvis). He presented the printed masterpiece in front of the entire class to shame me.

After class he explained how his favourite Juror would either be 6 or 5, because 6 seems like a big dumb teddybear and he just liked 5. I explained how I liked Davis because he didn't want to send a kid to die, then he told me how Davis would make a good cowboy (at this point in time I was unaware of Henry Fonda's role in Once Upon A Time in The West) and I proceeded to go home and write a 3 part orchestral composition that I could pretend would play as the soundtrack to Juror 8: A Cowboy's Tale or something like that

I had started to make an animation meme starring Davis but only gave up when photoshop literally deleted itself from my laptop

I didn't even hear that Juror 8's name was Davis when I first watched it in class, somehow I only heard it on my 6th rewatch but when I did I literally got so excited I literally got winded and cried a little bit, I had to take a panadol because I got so lightheaded

I have learned the musical motif that plays throughout the film on saxophone, clarinet, recorder, guitar, bass, ukulele, piano and trumpet

I have visions of him

One of Davis' 3 children HAS to be gay and nothing can convince me otherwise

honest to god I'd be a home wrecker if it came to him

I quote not only Davis but the film a lot, and sometimes in the dead silence of all my friends I go on about how the old man couldn't have possibly made it to the door in such a short amount of time to see the kid running down the stairs (because the old man has a limp, and Davis proved it my limping around the room, which I have to say was incredibly attractive of him)

He's literally an architect

I once had a dream where Davis was in my bass guitar case when I opened it, and i literally just picked him up and started picking him like a bass guitar until I tried to play a full chord and he bit the hand that was meant to be on the fretboard. I dropped him and he fell on his ass, and when I said "what the hell dude what was that for" he said bass chords are lowkey ugly to listen to, and since then i don't like playing bass chords because now they're lowkey ugly to listen to. before this ordeal, i enjoyed them, but alas

i once got my romantic partner to write me a davis x reader fanfiction as a birthday present

my parents believe that Davis is my first celebrity crush, and while they're actually wrong it's still actually so embarrassing they believe that because OH MY GOD it's literally JUROR 8 FROM 12 ANGRY MEN

I've attempted slam poetry about him

I've eaten a paper printed full a4 size photo of his hand

I would also not mind him to be literally my father, but given the rest of the things I've just said about him that's really weird and I recognise that

the Bimodal Distribution

First of all, it's a math concept. that is already pretty bizarre of a thing to be blorbo-ifying. Second of all, I don't know any calculus, and I don't consider myself a math person (because I hate arithmetic), but I really like this guy for some reason. I mean this graph clearly holds the secrets of the universe. don't you just want to l o o k at it . like you could solve everything in the world with that boy

[dirt-piper]

Removing a Block.

From NSSS, to be specific.

Previously, most of the delays and pauses in NSSS's development were caused by other responsibilities - college, work, health, etc.

However, while these things are still contributing somewhat to NSSS's slow development pace, there is a new (and pernicious) factor that has been preventing me from so much as opening eclipse to work on the game.

Writer's block.

For the longest time I didn't even know why I had it, or even that I had it. I would keep opening eclipse, loading up some class file that I knew needed tweaking, and just... stare. I knew, essentially, what I needed to do. I knew how I would do it. But, for some reason, I just didn't do it. After a while I couldn't even get to the point of opening eclipse anymore. I attributed this to general busy-ness - I volunteer a lot of man-hours to a computer history museum, and this eats up quite a bit of my free time.

But then, when I took breaks from the volunteer work, and had all the time I needed to dig in to NSSS, I still just... couldn't.

What made this most frustrating was that NSSS still constantly occupied my thoughts - what I'd change, what I'd add, how this should look, how that should sound, how the launcher should work, what will be in the update after the update after next - all the time. My head was constantly bursting with ideas, but I just couldn't find the motivation to actually make them materialize.

Maybe it was because 1.1.12 was in feature freeze, and I was still banging my head against the cloud logic... but that didn't explain nearly enough.

Anyways, a user who had been playing NSSS since it was barely even 6 months old had reached out to me several months ago about possibly making some original music for the game. We chatted a bit about the general feel/tone/instrumentation said music should have, and then parted ways. This was about 10 months ago.

Well, last week they shot me a DM with one of the tracks they had been working on. NSSS was at the very bottom of my mind that day, but I decided to listen to it anyways.

The song was perfect. It was melancholy, soothing, and exciting, it sounded just like "minecraft alpha", it felt familiar and yet brand new, and it was exactly what I felt NSSS should have. And, as I wrote out my full thoughts to them as feedback (I'll spare you the full 10 paragraphs I wrote), it finally clicked for me why I wanted to make NSSS in the first place.

Previously, I always thought I had wanted to make NSSS because I wanted to fulfill my childhood fantasies, or to make a better minecraft than minecraft, or to polish the game as it was in 2010 and move it in a different direction.

But these are all closer to whats than whys.

Imagine returning to your family home and walking into your room and seeing it, not the way you left it, but exactly as it was when you were in elementary school, and there are toys strewn about the floor that you didn't even remember you had until that instant when you saw them again, and everything that was going through your mind, every tiny short-term memory that was in your head that day - what you ate for lunch, what you had to do at school the next day, what time Spongebob was gonna be on - are all just dumped right into the front of your conscious mind as if they'd never left.

But you're an adult. You're a different person. You can look at these things with a different perspective, see things that kid you never possibly could have. And that's never happened before. Like you've been handed a key to your own memories and told "go wild."

The past has been made brand new again. These aren't just dusty old memories that bounce around in your head, slowly getting distorted and thinned out over time. It's the very context that made those memories in the first place, and you're free to keep going from there, knowing what you know now, being the person that you are now.

This, above everything else, is what I have always wanted from NSSS. It's the mentality that has driven me to be so interested in history, period - it's why I volunteer at the museum, it's why I spent nearly a decade of my life archiving media from a certain other block game, and it's why I insist on using antiquated, obsolete tech for what it was intended for, rather than just letting it sit on a shelf looking pretty. I want to make the past brand new again.

After all, 'the past' is just a funny name we use to refer to the parts of the present that have already happened. There's no reason why it can't happen all over again.

To some extent, this is not an uncommon view - the term 'Nostalgia' exists for a reason. But 'Nostalgia', in my opinion, has the connotation of a biased, selective view of the past. It cherry-picks bits and pieces, either because they were remembered more positively, or because they are cheaper or easier to reproduce. A P.T. Cruiser may have 'vintage-y' styling, but it does not make the past brand new - it's too distorted and half-assed.

A few weeks ago I was hanging out with some friends when someone pointed out that Good Burger had gotten a sequel. I had never seen the original before, so we all watched it. Despite having never seen the film, everything about it - the set design, the acting, the fashion, the soundtrack - were extremely familiar to me, as though I had seen it a hundred thousand times before, but it was still brand new to me. And I enjoyed it! It was a goofy, somewhat contrived 90's movie with an only-somewhat-leaky plot and memorable characters.

Then, immediately after, we watched Good Burger 2 and I felt almost nothing. Part of that was because I frankly thought the film kinda sucked - the lessons Dexter learnt in the first film having been ultimately forgotten served to detract from his original character arc, for one - but the original movie was no paragon of writing either, so why did it get such a free pass from me?

Good Burger, despite my never having seen it before, managed to still seem familiar to me because, as a movie made in 1997, it had all the key qualities to slot right in as a movie I plausibly could have watched hundreds of times as a child. Good Burger 2, though clearly intended to capitalize on the 'nostalgia' that other people my age would have had for the original, completely missed the ball in that regard. It was no longer familiar, and thus, every other flaw in the writing, plot, etc. no longer got a free pass from me. It was no longer a 1997 movie with a 1997 movie's plot, it was a 2022 movie with half of a 1997 movie's plot and half of a 2022 movie's plot - it was half-assed. It, like a P.T. Cruiser, couldn't decide whether to be from the past or from the present and ended up in a weird, uncanny worst-of-both-worlds.

I've always been keen to be true to the historical context of whatever historic artifact I'm using - whether it be a typewriter, SGI workstation, palm pilot, or, in NSSS's case, an indie game from 2010 written in Java. It's why I develop NSSS using period tools and constraints - I use an old version of eclipse, maintain strict compliance with Java 5 (which came out in 2004), optimize the game for hardware that is now 20+ years old, built the entire website in .jsp, modeled the wiki after minepedia as it was in September of 2010, etc.

Because I'm not just doing this all to nostalgia-trip, I'm doing this to drag the past back into the present for us all to experience again. It's not going to be exactly as it was in 2010 - I do still want NSSS to be its own thing beyond just minecraft alpha 1.1.2_01 with bugfixes and QoL improvements - but it will be both familiar and new. It will have been made exactly as it would (and could) have been made back in 2010. And you can sit down and play it, and feel just as you did 14 years ago, not just in that you're playing the game as it was back then, but that you're playing a new game just as it was new back then.

As I put it in the discord server last year:

"I want to see someone who first played minecraft 13 years ago, back when they were young and wide-eyed and had never seen a game like it before, someone who got addicted and spent a solid week doing nothing but eat sleep & play, someone who almost pissed themself with fear the first time they got eviscerated by a creeper, someone who woke up their parents in the middle of the night shouting with glee when they found their first diamond, someone who fell in love with the game as it was then and stuck with it as it grew with them, changing and evolving and morphing just as they did, through beta and release and their highschool graduation and their first car and the combat update and the nether update and their first apartment when they finally let minecraft sit dormant on their PC for over a year, when they just lost the last remnants of the spark they had, and they don't even care enough to know why they fell out of love -

I want that person to play NSSS, shake off the cobwebs in their brain as they try to pull out the memories that have become faded and warped with time, just enough that they've forgotten just what this game did to them when they were younger, just enough that they expect the same old experience that they've grown more and more unenthused about over the years -

And I want them to get eviscerated by a creeper for the first time in 8 years and fucking shit their pants."

-DirtPiper

[buckybarnesss]

on fire: a teen wolf novel chapters 14-16 chapters 10-13 here chapters 7-9 here chapters 4-6 here chapters 1-3 here

annnndddd i'm back with another installment of on fire. we're in the home stretch now as the next three chapters will cover the end of the novel.

this section took me some time because 1. i do not care that the whittermores were robbed and 2. there's two long, detailed flashbacks with kate and derek that i found difficult to get through.

speaking of.

as always kate argent is her own warning but just in case i will be talking about those flashbacks so warnings for grooming and rape.

me this entire chapter:

we open this chapter back on lydia. who is now tied up by Thing One and Thing Two. she specifies she’s tied to a Louis XIV gilt wooden chair.  now lydia says it's antique but pssft mrs. whittermore totally got a reproduction because she's new money trying to pretentiously pretend she has class. the whittermores always give "his wife covered the house in chintz so to keep it real i fuck him on the floor" energy. 

lydia goes on to describe the robbery and look, i don’t really care about this. let them get robbed. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

lydia also gets to have her own little flow chart to show just how smart she is:

we move from lydia being a hostage to hunter gramm (we learn this is not his real name. his real name is bailey) plotting how to dispose of jackson. cassie doesn't want jackson to get hurt so she pleads for him to just dump jackson somewhere and escape to mexico like they had planned. bailey isn't listening though because he gets a phone call.

cassie is trying very hard to keep jackson’s dumbass alive as they listen to bailey have a conversation with one of the goons back at the house. he realizes they have lydia and he’s afraid for her. chich is sweet. honestly their behavior and thoughts towards each other throughout the book have been very in line with their toxicity in the show. caring is not a weakness, oof.

we’re back in hell -- oops -- i mean another flashback to six years ago with kate and derek.

remember i read this so you don’t have to. 🤮🤮

kate gave derek something to eat or drink i think was laced with something that makes him sick to his stomach and he goes to throw up in her bathroom. 

i just want to wrap derek up in bubble wrap and keep kate away from him forever and ever. 

derek’s a ball of anxiety throughout all this. he wants to appear grown up for kate and impress her. he doesn’t want her to see him like the child he actually is.

derek spends about a paragraph waxing poetic about werewolves. he calls his pack his “moonborn family” and i like that sentiment actually.

what I don’t like is “like wolves, werewolves mate for life.”  this may be a Me Thing but i’ve never been overly fond of the whole mate concept within fandom. i just thank my lucky stars it's not canon.

there’s a moment when derek’s about to leave kate’s apartment where she moves to kiss him and GIRL HE THREW UP. YOU KNEW HE DID. YOU SET HIM UP FOR IT. YOU NASTY.

derek leaves and he’s just swimming in anxiety and insecurity over the “date” with kate. he feels like a loser because he wants to be Grown Up and have sex. he physically starts to jog away from her place. it’s like his body knows what his mind isn’t even entertaining. that she's a predator and he shouldn't be doing anything with her in private.

derek runs and ends up outside of beacon hills hospital where he sees the stilinskis. little stiles, his father and the unnamed claudia stilinski. i couldn’t make this up if i tried. this is such a classic trope. 

of course in canon by the time of the hale fire claudia had been deceased for a year but we don't find that out until season 3 so it can be forgiven.

he observes them. holder gives a clear reference to what a lot of fandom assumed before it was revealed that mrs. stilinski actually had FTD and went with the idea that she had cancer referencing remission. he notices how nervous stiles is and how it reflects his own nerves. 

this brings derek to the idea that humans can get sick, they decay and die. it freaks him out. which, okay, i guess since this version of derek doesn’t spend a lot of time around humans so he’s not used to the concept of mortality of others or himself.

this new fixation drives derek back to kate’s as he's overcome with worry for her. he's become a ball of confused hormones but when he arrives he overhears her talking to someone. it's clearly another hunter but only the audience knows that and derek's uncurious ass accepts it's not his business as he regains himself and turns to go but he bumps into a trash can making noise. this of course brings kate out. she's wearing a satin robe 🤮 and she puts on her concerned face and offers to let him shower and says she has an extra tooth brush. god, i hate her.

this chapter ends with the words: “and ms. argent shut the night out, and brought him into her den.” rage. what i feel is rage.

the next chapter comes back to the present day with lydia being rescued by danny and damon. the pair had gotten danny’s lacrosse gear and broke a window. lydia took her chance and ran out. 

man, that was actually an awesome utilization of danny. smart, clever and quick. wish we could’ve seen something like this in the show. jeff.

it cuts back to jackson who is listening to cassie try to bargain with bailey to leave jackson alive. bailey doesn’t want to leave any loose ends. like, my guy. the plan has fallen apart and you want to catch a murder charge too?

jackson just can’t catch a break this entire time. cassie and jackson attempt at an escape from the van when bailey is distracted. it ends as you’d expect. cassie gets shot because bailey is a fucking idiot, the van crashes. it’s a mess. glass everywhere, the smell of smoke and gas. jackson’s still handcuffed and cassie is in terrible shape. 

in the midst of this lydia has called 911 and is speaking to a dispatcher who's trying to help them. it's helpful but not helpful enough.

in the middle of THIS chaos holder sends us six years into the past again ---  well. i think we can guess what’s coming, can’t we? 

while I appreciate the world building that holder does as she tries to at least give some ritual and culture to the werewolves that’s specific to them. i cannot help but laugh at how she makes it french in connection when really the argents get the emphasis on their french origins. hell, even a quick google search gives up some results on the origin of the surname hale. i find the connection to st edmund interesting (he is the patron saint of torture victims, wolves and protection from the plague. jeff davis i see you.)

peter has a motorcycle that he lets derek borrow???? this feels incorrect. i cannot imagine peter sharing his toys.

i loathe laura’s characterization and it's such a shame this is really the only character she gets that is connected even tenuously to canon. laura is depicted as being aware of derek’s involvement with kate. she's a bit hesitant but not disapproving or overly concerned. she's kept it a secret. derek and laura have a discussion about the possibility of kate receiving the bite and laura even says, “maybe she’s doing a cougar on you.” like, this is just deeply fucked and bothers me so damn much. not only did canonically laura never knew about kate and derek's relationship but i hate how she's just acting like this is something normal.

derek mentions he gave kate a ring as a token of affection that he bought with money peter gave him in exchange for doing a few errands.

derek goes on to describe going home with kate and he’s so, so blinded by his affection for her that i just feel sick reading this.

the important part of this scene is derek whispers that he loves her while she’s asleep and goes to leave after showing but he forgot his backpack. he goes back and creeps back inside her bedroom. like he’s fucking edward cullen or some shit.

SHE IS A RAPIST AND THIS ALL MAKES ME UPSET.

though i have questions about what the fuck this means “he wanted to make love to her as a werewolf.” what in the furry hell?

[thebeesareback]

Almost everyone, I think, interacted with some form of media which wasn't age appropriate. For example, when I was about 8 years old, I was given a copy of The Princess Diaries. Not only was it targeted at girls about 6 years older than me, it was also incredibly American, so I was even more confused. I read it over and over again, and understood almost nothing. I decided to return to Genovia recently to see if I could decipher it any better now.

- I did not know how tall 5ft9 is. That girl is loooooooong!

- when one is described as a "freshman", how long does it take for one to ripen?

- "flunking" is an odd word, and from context I could tell that it wasn't anything good

- when I eventually learnt the FOIL method, I realised it was really easy. I also had to shut up and not mention that I'd heard of it through The Princess Diaries. My fellow students would not have understood

- in two paragraphs, there are the words "Bigelows", "alpha hydroxy", "Drakka Noir", "synapses" and "senior". I'm pretty sure I thought Josh Ritcher might be a pensioner

- not strictly relevant but Lilly is the worst

- I was also surprised to learn that British schools have Gifted and Talented programmes. Unsurprisingly, I was not selected

- Michael has a webzine called "Crackhead". I think this is noteworthy

- there is a joke about Michael making a bomb and blowing up his school. This clearly places the narrative as something which is set (and written) before We Need To Talk About Kevin was released

- Lilly and her parents have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy with Michael. I only just realised how fucking sad this is

- Michael has a dog named Pavlov. Solid joke

- ok I actually think Michael might be a bit creepy because he does start sexually harassing Mia. She is clueless and thinks he wants her to "take his mom's empty Tab cans back to Gristedes for the deposit money".

- I was confused by the whole "mom"/"mum"/"mam" thing. All are better than "mem" or "mim", I guess

- there are some homework notes at the back which I still don't understand. Perhaps that's the point

- Lilly and Mia make a list of hot guys. Including: Prince Harry (odd, I always thought Prince William was the late-90s hearthrob. Shoutout to those Princess Di genes); Timothy Dalton (just checked and I got him confused with Timothy Spall, who played Wormtail in Harry Potter); Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic (surprised Titanic wasn't mentioned earlier! Also, apparently he kept farting on set); a guy on a billboard (they think he should have his own TV show) and Joshua Bell (modern me had to do some googling because I wanted to know if that had anything to do with "Drake and Josh").

- Mia's parents are separated and she seems fine with it. She is upset about her mum dating her teacher and is hyperfixated on the fact that he teaches maths and she is struggling in his class. Shortly after I read this book my own parents separated, and I was FAR more confused and unhappy and destructive, so it was interesting/weird to see her perspective

- Mr Gianini actually seems really sweet. I guess that's the point

- Mia thinks about going to the Cultural Diversity Dance. Dunno what cultural diversity has to do with dancing, unless everyone starts doing Irish jigs? Also, what is the deal with homecoming? Who is coming home?!

That's just the first three days of diary entries. V v weird but kinda fun

[martsonmars]

[wrote most of this last January — I'm not deleting the tags but LOL — and I'm not changing my answers — not even the last time I cried — but I'll add stuff]

15 Questions 15 People

Thanks @nausikaaa @johnwgrey @shrekgogurt @raenestee @yellobb @stitchyqueer @facewithoutheart @fatalfangirl @prettylightsbigcity @sillyunicorn and at least two more people (whose notifications were eaten by Tumblr) for the tags! I love being tagged in these games even though I don't always participate. [And now it just took me a year...]

I almost didn't participate this time either because I don't like some of the questions, but I really wanted to answer a couple of them so here we are 😂 It'll likely be long so...

[Tagging @onepintobean @brilla-brilla-estrellita @palimpsessed @ileadacharmedlife @technetiumai @thewholelemon @youarenevertooold @iamamythologicalcreature @ic3-que3n @theearlgreymage @messofthejess @theimpossibledemon @artsyunderstudy @cutestkilla @valeffelees. That's 15! If you played last year you can ignore me or play again.]

1. Are you named after anyone?

Not really? Definitely not after a relative (thank god, I'm not a fan of it), but:

a) my mother's religious enough that biblical Marta was on her mind. She used to say that if she had another girl she wanted to call her Miriam, and it wouldn't have happened anyway because when we thought my brother would be a girl — before that “uh there's a penis here” that made me cry because I was used to being a single child by then, and I was already so upset to get a sibling that at least I wanted a sister — I fought for the name Emma, but she did want to play a vague Martha&Mary game. (My brother got a religion-inspired name too, anyway.)

b. there's a song by one of her favourite singers that's called Marta che parla con Dio (I love this song so much!) and she always mentioned it when I asked about my name

c. Marta Abba was an actress and the muse of my mother's favourite writer. I always say that I'm named after her because I like the idea.

2. When was the last time you cried?

I don't remember when I last cried properly (not because I never cry but because I cry too often) but the last time I had to fight tears because I was in public and almost failed was two days ago.

3. Do you have kids?

Nope! I'm baby myself. I used to say I absolutely didn't want kids but now my stance is more “we'll see what happens”. Kids feel like too much — I'm always exhausted when I have to take care of my brother (who's almost 11 now, so not a baby, and still requires so much time and energy) and spending a week with my 3yo cousin reminded me of how it is when they're younger — and I'm not sure I'd want to devote such a big part of my life and my days to someone who, at least at first, would need me so much. But I love kids. I usually joke and say that I love them as long as they're someone else's and they go home at the end of the day, but I think I'd like having my own kid. I want to believe I'd be a good parent. But I definitely don't want to birth anyone, so we'll see what more queer rights or moving to another country life brings!

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I think so? I love sarcasm, but I probably don't use it as much as I think I do.

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

This is one of the questions that bothered me because I couldn't think of any physical characteristic, but then I realise that the answer is SO easy: the first thing I notice about people I interact with is whether they pass my anxiety's vibe check.

(What I notice about people I don't interact with is whether they'd be good fancasts. The only faces I remember among all the people I've seen in 3 months of classes in person are: potential Shep fancast & potential fem Baz fancast.) (They're friends btw.)

6. What’s your eye color?

Brown. (I almost found a way to turn this answer into 15 paragraphs too, but I'll spare you.)

7. Scary movie or happy endings?

Happy endings for sure. I'm not a fan of scary movies in general (can't see the appeal), but I'll always pick happy endings. Though I can bear sad movies better than sad books, probably because everything's faster.

8. Any special talents?

I'll skip this one. Not because I don't think I have any special talents, but because what's a talent? What's special? Honestly my special talent is not being able to answer this kind of question about myself (along with “describe yourself in 3 adjectives” and shit like that).

9. Where were you born?

Wouldn't you like to know.

10. What are your hobbies?

I am, sadly, pretty inconsistent about hobbies. The ones that never leave are reading and writing (even when I had my 3 year long writer's block, writing was still at the top of my mind), but other than those two I have a wide variety of hobbies that come and go. Mostly because if I don't master a skill immediately I give up, and so I keep picking hobbies up and then abandoning them and then picking them up again. I'd probably be happier if I stopped wasting so much time on my phone and dedicated more time to getting better at some of these hobbies I've tried, but alas, my brain cannot be coerced into it.

December edit: learned and learning to crochet and I have a feeling this hobby will stay.

11. Do you have any pets?

Nope. I probably wouldn't want a pet that can move around, or one I'd have to touch (I assume you have to touch most pets somehow... but when I helped my aunt with her fish I didn't have to touch them because she had a little net I could use to move them when cleaning was needed, and it was great, so I could probably handle something like that). I'd also be sad about their lifespan.

Honestly, I'll probably only have a pet if someone I live with will have or strongly want one.

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

I did ballet from age 4 to age 11, then I let them fat shame me away from it. I probably would've quit after middle school anyway, but I wish I hadn't let them make me feel like shit about my body because I really love ballet, and I was the best of my group (the examiner from the Royal Academy of Dance said so twice.), and we were going to try point shoes the next year, and I was just a chubby kid.

Then I did archery for 2/3 years in high school. I quit because I felt like I didn't have enough time to do it AND study, and so I didn't want to commit to it to the point of buying my own bow, and the equipment my trainer gave me for free wasn't good enough that my skills could improve past a certain point, and so I got frustrated with it. I'd like to pick it up again someday.

(I almost googled whether ballet is a sport because I feel like a lot of people would say it isn't for different reasons, but then I decided that I don't care. It counts as a sport to me.)

13. How tall are you?

174 cm, I think. Maybe 173. 5’8”?

14. Favorite subject at school?

Oh boy. I could spend hours on this, I'm such a swot (which is why my current struggles with studying hurt so much! I never thought I'd be the kind of person who'd struggle with the only thing I used to be the best at, and yet here we are).

I think my favourite subjects to study are things like history and law. I also love languages so much and I need structure to study them (I struggle to be consistent and practice on my own). I loved scientific subjects and kinda miss them occasionally. I loved all the literature/social sciences classes I've had in my life but most of them are mostly stuff I like to read about and don't really want to study.

[December comment: I didn't post this in January because I didn't finish answering this question. I still don't want to finish because it's too much. I just want to say that there's a difference between subjects I like in general and subjects I like to study, and I think the two categories intersect in the fields of history, languages and law.]

15. Dream job?

There are two wolves inside of me.

The wolf that wants to leave a very specific mark in the world, which is the reason why I'm studying politics. I am not saying that politics are the way (or the only way) to change the world. I'm not even saying I want to be a politician. But there is in me the desire to do something for the world from this point of view, be it through writing or activism or NGOs or European/international institutions and organisations or the government. I'm currently [December] planning to write my bachelor thesis in International Law and talk about the regulation of AI, and my professor says this is a field that's creating more job opportunities and isn't yet as saturated as the human rights job market, so maybe this is something to pursue.

And the wolf that wants to stay in my little bubble and write fiction. Or translate books (though I don't think I'd actually want to be a translator. It's a shitty job). Have a nice house and a family and forget about the world.

I know these aren't necessarily mutually exclusive (in the sense that both could be possible at different times), but I'm not sure what will prevail. I guess it also depends on the jobs I will find when I'm done studying.

I agree with who said they want a job they like well enough but that leaves them time and energy to pursue their actual dreams. Work doesn't have to be your dream, it can be just work. But maybe I'll turn my dreams into work and have more, different dreams in my private life. We'll see!