#my parents are always like why cant you put this focus into school

[skitskatdacat63]

Yayyyyyyyy finally working on my pinned post :D having fun :D

Its funny to me cause I'll do these super organizational things for fandom purposes and genuinely have fun with it, but then would rather die than be even remotely organizational for school

[physicsfox7]

So I'm learning. I'm learning a lot about myself.

I was that gifted kid in school. First, I was behind. I couldnt read, I couldnt focus, I was bad at math. So they stuck me in reading lessons, and learning to focus allowed me to become a viracious reader. I could burn through 2 or 3 or 4 books on a good day. My parents would take me to Barnes and Noble in my teens, and with money from my job (I started work at 12) I would buy dozens of books. And then id be out of books by the following weekend.

I always struggled with math, but if I paid attention to the lesson for 5 minutes, I could do it. I think that speaks to my ADHD more than anything, the lessons just weren't interesting. My parents, my counselors, everyone said I was bored. And they were right.

But evrrything else came naturally to me. English was a breeze (because I had read hundreds of books by then), gym class was embarrassing but easy. Geometry, home ec, some parts of art (still cant draw). Photography, building, stuff in Boy Scouts, all of it.

Everyone said it was because I was smart. "Youre so smart, you just need to apply yourself." Jump to high school graduate me. I had a goal, and I applied myself. I went from a 1.8 GPA in 10th grade to a 3.5 with special honors. I enlisted in the military, and everything changed from there.

The Army wasnt what I imagined it to be. Things never are, and the recruiters feed you a dream version. So I got out. And I had no plan, no goal, no path. So I took a job in construction. And got lost in it. I worked my ass off. Everyone said I was going places, that I could be a Super at 25 (why that specific age always came up, I will never know. I didn't know more at 25 about running a job than I did at 20). But I was bored. I could recite whole passages from the code book, rewire a house, and build you a deck. And I was bored.

Different jobs, different plans, different hopes. I enrolled in college and discovered I love math, with the help of a very good and patient instructor.

Over all these years, through everything I went through and tried and did or failed, everyone always told me I was smart. And if I didnt pick something up immediately, I didnt like it. I didnt want to attach the hard work to it.

But lately, I've discovered: I'm bad at a lot of things. Things I used to be good at I'm not anymore, things I used to be able to pick up fast I cant. And I'm actually okay with it. And I'm now willing to put in the work. I'll grind, I'll read and research and claw tooth and nail to make progress.

I'm still the gifted kid with burn out, but I'm escaping it, little by little.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw neglect , social anxiety / anxiety

hi i would like some advice

so i plan on moving out as soon as i can once i turn 18, it’s impossible for me to live at my “home” any longer than necessary.

im not cared for correctly my parents wont get me in any doctors appointments of any kind (eye, yearly doctor appointments, therapy, etc), theyve emotionally neglected me my whole life, they wont let me leave my house on my own i dont live in a dangerous place and its not far walks to go places here i get the hesitation since im a girl but again this is not a dangerous place and im not trying to go super far people walk here all the time. i dont know how to live on my own in any way. i can survive being alone in my room 24 hours a day but i have severe social anxiety and along with the neglect i havent been in school. i’ve always struggled with school and that was always ignored but i think it’s something more but i cant know for sure since my parents wont get me in with any doctor. as soon as i got into homeschool since i was experiencing really bad anxiety (instead of actually trying to help and get to the root of the problem they just put me in homeschool and turned a blind eye and acted like everything was fine) everything has only been festering and growing since and its debilitating now.

i dont have a driver’s license or id and not much school record since i got homeschooled 5 years ago (i would have been a senior next school year/in a couple months) i cant get a job I for one: dont have any of that i mentioned and also no idea how to socialize i dont have any friends and it just seems very hopeless. im not sure what to do. i need a job to start saving up to move but i have no way of getting one for the reasons i listed and also every time i try to do exposures for my social anxiety my parents wont let me (the walks for example). i cant live here any longer than i need to i really cant and thats not all the reasons why. i feel trapped here theres no room for me to do anything or grow at all. i just cant take it anymore i want to spend these next couple years trying to get better to leave but i have no idea how.

im not expecting anything from this i guess i just need any sort of advice or anything on how to navigate and get through my situation. how would someone handle this? not even just about the job aspect just how do i get out of this. i have no idea what to do and i dont have anyone i can talk to or go to. thank you for your time!

Hi anon, I'm very sorry to hear about the emotional and physical neglect you have, and currently are experiencing, as well as the lack of resources provided for you to become an independent adult (which seems to include both financial, as well as educational, abuse). I can deeply empathize that it likely feels like you are very much alone in all this, but sadly you are not the first, or only one, and I found several resources that might be of assistance (both for getting independence, as well as further validation).

Here’s a page that discusses the abuse that is sometimes found in homeschooling environments (which isn’t to suggest all are, but in your case, very much sounds so).  If anything this page might validate some of your experiences, as well as potentially sharing them with the reddit, and/or facebook groups.

Here’s an article that discusses what financial abuse is, suggestions of how to develop a safety plan to leave, as well as resources linked at the end to find shelters/services near you that might be of assistance.  

In my opinion, first focus should be about getting you into a safe environment, with trained professionals, who can help you navigate personal independence as you connect with community resources, and begin your healing journey.  Though my hope is that as you practice and experience safe environments, with safe people, it might help alleviate the social anxiety (if it’s a trauma based response), or, at the very least, they might be able to assist in developing new coping skills to navigate the world with the anxiety.  Either way, I promise there are people out there who care, want to help, and will - and I hope with at least some resources shared, it might be a starting point to help you connect with them. 

[rottytops]

so i finally, finally finally after like 3.5 years of talking about doing it, finally had my appointment for adhd and..it went really well. it was super easy to talk about my symptoms and the doctor was really nice and understanding too. i have another appointment with a psychologist and then one final doctor's visit where ill get medicated around may...its a lot longer than i would like it to be but in the grand scheme of things its like, in a few weeks ill finally have this awful experience of living with adhd put behind me

but like

i feel soooooooooooooo shitty

i think because the actual process was so quick and painless and easy it only took me like maybe an hour or even less than that for the whole visit but it took me OVER THREE YEARS to actually schedule the appointment. im so frustrated because the last few years have been some of the worst in my life where ive been so depressed and desponend and listless because i just. was unable to create anything. adhd has taken so much from me even before i was freelancing, its what fucked me up in school and nuked my experience in college. ive had these problems for so long and there's always been one root cause and all it took to deal with it was a one hour doctors appointment???

i guess im just upset because. if like, any adult in my life took me aside and asked me what was going on they probably could have figured out i had adhd really quickly, but no one ever did that, my parents just called me lazy and stupid and everyone else just assumed i was a slacker. if even one person really tried i could have done all of this years ago and not had to have suffered some of my worst experiences ever over my inability to focus!

i remember calling my mom in tears saying i think i have adhd i think thats why everything is happening the way it did, and she was like "...okay" and did nothing, and then, years later when i tell her yeah i got the appointment everythings in place she was like "pog!!! im so proud of you i knew you could do it yourself. whenever my kids come to me with a problem i just let them handle it alone because theyre so smart xD"

and itslike. do you have any idea how BADLY i would have killed for any sort of help AT ALL. if someone had sat with me and just helped me make the doctors appointment i could have been over this years ago!!!

aaaaa!!! but i cant just act like i did this 100% by myself, i had a lot of friends emphasize with me and tell me about adhd so i could make sure i knew i had it, and a friend gave me the clinic i could go to for screening and another friend told me the effects pills would have on me, etc, ect. ive had a lot of help from people in my life,but in regards to my family they either didnt do shit or punished me for my condition. it makes me so upset to think about

BUT

the worst of it is over, i did the hardest part myself, theres no point in gettng all torn up abt the past all i can really do is look forward to may where i can actually live my life witha functioning fucking brain holy shit. i guess i can get excited for that in spite of everything

if u read this far have a kiss. mwah

[iyabutterfly]

Im ready to throw my hands in the air, and give my kids away to the first person that raises their hand. What advice do you have for this single mother? Im stressed. I can't find a way out. It doesn't matter what "best decision" I make, because it always ends up bitting me in the rear. And I'm only human, so you already know I make "bad decisions" as well.

I just never saw myself as a Single Mother. I was with my Children's Father since high-school. 14 years we made it. We never got married, and that's only my second mistake. My first mistake was committing and moving in so young. I was too young, so what did I know? We got together junior year, and I moved in with his parents right after graduation. Never even had a real date. Like, whoo raised me??!! (That's a whole other post on childhood traumas😒)

Anyway, I gave him ALL of me. All of my time and commitment. All of my love and nurturing. I wasn't perfect but my world revolved around him, his family and his needs. Who knows what that did to me and my family?? It estranged me. I'm the second oldest of my Mothers 6 kids. The 4th oldest of my Fathers 5 and when my Mother finally married, that added 5 more to my list. "You only call when you need something" "Where's *******?" At this point I'm just ashamed and embarrassed.

We broke up so many times...And took each other back....again and again. TOXIC MADNESS. verbal abuse. mental abuse. physical abuse. I played my toxic role. No lies. I won't even make excuses about how "I can only take so much before I clash back". Because sometimes, I picked with him first.

And it wasn't always all bad. We had some amazing times as well. I know he loved me just as much as I loved him. I just don't know what happened. Where did I fail? NOW I have nothing. I stayed at home and taught my boys and catered to him for so long, I'm lost now. No home. No financial or emotional support. My anxieties are through the roof. Everything that I spent my young life creating, just ripped away. I'm really so angry AND sad.

And now I'm really screwed up, because my anxieties and depression led me to alcohol. I got into trouble. And not just once. My record is now tampered with, making it hard to get a decent paying job. And the decent paying ones that I can get are so far away that it's hard to balance my life on the bus line. School is starting back up Monday. Due to my living situation, I have to take the bus to get them to school. The bus is my life.. What does their Father help me with?? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Not a penny. Not an hour. And do you know why? Because I won't give him sex. He feels like if he does anything for me, then he deserves my body. Im halfway tempted to give in, for a number of reasons. I need help. I CANT THINK STRAIGHT. I CANT FOCUS. I have so much to get done and think about, I can't think. The boys are always with me. I had to take them to an interview 😫 Guess how that went. Nothing I start gets completed. I'm looking and looking into resources. Either nothing for me, or I'm not in the district or I simply missed the appointment. I'm up late night because it's my only place and then I can't hear my alarm in the am. ON TOP OF needing to get things done, I have these handsome, innocent sweet little boys that deserve the world. I can't give it to them. I get impatient 😔 I yell. It's killing me that they have gone through so much, and I'm just putting them through more. It's killing me that I can't tend to all their needs. I'm dying inside. I need my village but it doesn't seem that I have one. I let my relationship shut everyone out, and now it's just too late. I really can go on and on and on. I could write books detaling my life and Noone would ever get bored. I guess the advice that I need is

HOW DO YOU FOCUS?

HOW DO YOU, as a Single parent, juggle life with work and kids and cleaning and self care? How do you get these things done, without pulling out your hair or thrusting your head through the wall?

[megismorallysunny]

17/09/23

its been quite a while, i told myself in july i would talk about the barbie movie, but well that didnt end up happening. i felt awkward writing and i feel awkward now, school started 3/4 weeks ago and its been going pretty ok, ill talk more about that. so first things first the barbie movie was spectacular, i loved it so much, it was so amazing no words, speechless. i dont know if i mentioned this but i went on holiday again, i went to mallorca in june for a week and alicante in spain for 2 weeks. i grew sick of my brother after that, i hope someday we can be friends but i just cannot stand him. my mom said that i will regret not being friends with him when im older just like she did, but i just cant stand being around him. my mom may regret not being friends with my uncle then but atleast there friends now (not for long unfortunately, hes sick). Spain was pretty boring, yes i know im a lil spoilt but we went to spain cuz its cheap (cheaper than staying down the road). i started playing a lot of total drama then stopped after the start of school. Im glad that im actually able to focus on my school work better because i genuinely cannot focus, i really struggled last year cuz i did it in silence and always put it off. now i started watching qsmp along with doing my homework cuz now i feel better doing my homework, my brain just works better when its hearing something and my brain is doing something else at the same time doing my hw. i think its due to when i was younger there was never silence around me when doing my hw, there was always talking always a programme, always something. im doing higher level english, im scared about doing shit in it like every other higher subject im in. but i think im doing good in english, or atleast mediocre, my teacher said that some of my work wasnt the best, which fair nuff it isnt. but i wrote something and it was kinda cringe but my teacher said it was good, and it wasnt cringe as in furry abo type shit i wrote it was more me saying "chillingly good use of onomatopeia" omg i just felt so stupid reading it out, i figured out why it feels so invasive reading it out and its because it feels like reading a diary and your specifically asked to read out ur feelings and opinions about it, unless i say something hateful about it i dont feel comfortable saying it. im doing bad in higher maths i just cannot understand somethings but i dont want to spend more time on it so i might i might not, im scared that i just wont understand it and theres people dumber than me in there, and it feels like i shit also cuz im dumb, i struggle with comprehending things, and i just go on my phone all the time, because i just get so bored, i wish that i would be able to learn things at my own pace (fast but slow at things i dont understand) and i just wish i could learn what i wanted to, i know i can learn maths i just struggle and i dont know why. did i mention im stupid? did i? because your bound to think so now, last year in higher irish i got 23% on my summer exam, and this year i got a note from my parents to move to lower, and i went to give it to him and he gave such a good speech i said okay yeah sure, like how dumb am i?? all my friends looked aound at me and were like "that was your one chance" "why didnt you leave" it was a little demotivating but if theres one thing i can do its spite people, from an early age ive discovered people insulting me is the best power for my success, its better if it feels like they mean it. e.g i couldnt hit a ball in pe with a bat, someone tried to take it off me (multiple ppl) and they said cmon you cant do it, that was really a good motivator because as soon as they reached for it i hit the ball super high. anyways im now learning irish and im struggling really. but duolingos helping, alot. were back to talking to our french penpals and i wrote the most complicated english because i got excited she said i was a nice girl, shes so sweet i love her. i wrote way too much so im gonna go now, have a good morning, day or night.

[dattebayes]

i have anxiety about going back to school because of that one time in fourth grade when mrs reynolds read all of my grades out loud to the class and compared them to literally everyone elses. it was public humiliation and when i got home and told my parents "well what are your grades" i lied about what they actually were and i got beat anyway. its probably from where a lot of issues stem from.

my day-to-day routine was pretty down pat:

wake up late. try to stay home with the classic "i dont feel good," (intense bullying on all sides). dad already left for work, mom doesnt buy it. i dont get a reprieve. i wear the same clothes i was wearing two days ago. depends on how late i am if i brush my teeth. no breakfast, barely make the bus, didnt do my homework cause i dont understand it. cant pay attention in class. too anxious at being perceived, just trying to minimize. sometimes i go hungry at lunch unless someone gives me their crusts. still hungry. still cant focus. reading is the only thing that brings me any kind of joy. day dreaming about fictional characters that would probably be nice to me (i still do this sometimes)

the bus ride home is always the worst part. most people spit in my hair or punch me just cause i can take it, and because i dont fight back. i never fought back. i just wanted to have the two and a half hours where i was home alone to watch yu gi oh, beyblade, pokemon. the suite life. it was probably just an escapist fantasy where i had friends

(i had one, once. we were forcefully seperated since i was "a bad influence", and i still remember her screaming "stay away from me. you dont know how scary my grandma is" but i think i did. thats why i avoided her. i remember the snickering about "the lesbians must have broken up" i miss my friend to this day)

(all i did was write down standup skits word for word that i thought were funny so we could laugh together)

i think that i was once excited about 6 pm coming by every day. i dont remember when i started to countdown the minutes til it was bedtime again. i dont remember when we stopped taking weekend trips down to the library

i dont remember when making my voice neutral was The Attitude Problem. i do remember the screaming that would stop and start again. i remember the beatings. i remember when i was caught putting on more layers cause i knew what was coming. i cant sleep comfortably to this day.

on the weekends, id stay in my room. once i accidentally walked on a fresh mopped floor and that didnt go well for me. yes he told me he was mopping. i thought the floor was dry. he didnt mop like mom did.

im nervous

[rippeds0cks]

5/27/2023

Im falling apart at the seams physically. My body cant keep up with all the pressure, stress, and work im putting it through. Its to the point where im taking ludicrous amounts of meds to keep it together. My body hurts so fucking bad from my muscles to my tendons to my bones im in pain all day. If i lose focus on whatever motor function im doing (using stairs, walking, running, fighting) i just collapse. Ive been dropping things cause the nerve damage in my hands is progressively getting worse. I deserve it though not only for being a piece of shit and failing those around me but just for my existence. My pops always told me growing up that “guys like us arent supposed to do well or live long” and i guess he was right cause im barely keeping myself in one piece. It’s ok tho cause im living for absolutely nothing right now. If i drop dead a couple people here n there will be sad but theyll soon forget and move on. I dont contribute anything to anyones life so its not like anything crumbles in my absence. Anyways every little detail ive ever known of my ex flooded back into my mind today in the gym and it left me fighting back tears and choking up while working out. Everything from how her old fursona back when she was a furry was a dutch angel dragon, how beautiful she looked everytime i saw her and her face lit up, the one time we were standing in the park at night and she kissed me and said “feels familiar”, how she always wanted to play apex or valorant, and most importantly as for now, how she used to make music. For shits and giggles i decided to go see if her music page was still up and it was. I decided to listen for old times sake and it reminded me of how i never told her how good i thought she was. I went straight to criticism and telling her how to improve it. Idk why im like that. Maybe cause its the way my parents were to me anytime i did anything i dont know. Its no excuse though. Dont get me wrong she still did rookie things like fill syllables with unnecessary curse words or make her vocals too low in the mixing process but its genuinely good music and ive been listening all day. Listening to the lyrics has made me realize how much i failed her. She placed a lot of emphasis and faith on me to help her or value her and i failed. And while my therapist would say something along the lines of “its not your responsibility to carry the burden of her happiness” i dont believe that to be the case at all. I think its something she placed in my hands trusting me and i failed. And that doesnt negate the insane way things ended between us. Her mother is still batshit fucking insane for the next level mental manipulation she did to my ex to make her mental state even more volatile than before. Idk. Maybe its my fault for leaving in the first place. Ive failed her every other way i cant not think i failed her by leaving and making those the only people she spent time around. Back when we first got together shes agree when her mother would say insane shit or treat her bad or her sister would bully her but by the end of it she flat out didnt think those things were happening. I just hope she got therapy like i begged her to so many times. Her ex best friend is a piece of shit though. Texting your best friends ex of almost 5 years the week after they have a nuclear break up confessing your unhealthy obsession from almost 6 years ago is disgusting. I was nice and all in my response because i thought my ex and her were doing it together as like a test of my character but i later found out it was just her disgusting ex best friend. And her reasoning as to why my ex shouldnt have gotten mad was “ive known you longer” no you dumb bitch youve known OF me longer. I didnt speak to you for 5 years you let this middle school crush go to your fucking head. I shared everything, heart and soul, with my ex for four almost 5 years and your disgusting selfish ass thinks you know me better cause we were locker mates in the 8th grade? Truly disgusting insane gross behavior. Anyways heres my exes music

[ferrn0]

REGARDING POSTING

heads up / TW: this looks at personal stuff + vent(? sorta) ALSO this is not super important / not essential for you to read

TL;DR:

less posting due to massive lack of motivation

want to post more and take art serious but its hard

could be depression or hormones idk dont know what to do

overthinking lots -> dont know why this is happening

crave regular change but havent had it + difficult to get change bc of parents -> maybe this is why??

going to try my best not to stress abt it

do not worry about me, im going to be okay

i havent been posting much proper/ finished/ full art ( not sketches ) because ive been really struggling with motivation this year. For all i know, it could be a depression(?) thing or perhaps hormones ( i have a uterus unfortunately) or maybe it just comes down to ADHD.. i do take medication for adhd but they dont really do much regarding dopamine so my motivation is still kinda low even when i take the meds. I really want to be posting proper art and i want to take my art more seriously however, without motivation its really difficult. Im finding myslef slipping back into what feels like a depressive mindset. kind of. yet, im super happy in so many aspects of my life where i used to be affected by this mindset. I have found a better group of people to be around ive found more things i want to do and ive got goals for the year- i didnt have those this time last year. And now.. my creativity has been affected and i dont know what to do.

-

I feel guilty for not posting. Or maybe i feel frustrated that i dont post (which leaves me with noone seeing my work). Either way, i want to post. but i cant get myself to.

this leaves me thinking...

"maybe i just need to improve my skills"

"maybe im not putting enpugh effort in, what if im just not 'trust(ing) the process' enough"

"i might need to just try a new medium"

"maybe i need a new intrest or fandom to join so i can make fanart"

"what if i was just qrong my whole life and im not cut out to be an artist?"

"perhaps theres something else wrong with me and thats why i cant get myself to do things"

And this circles round and round. So what do i do about it?? should i just take a break and not focus on posting? but i already do that anyway! do i just try to do a month long or a week long challenge? but i always miss days and eventually give up!

The more i write about this the more i realise i am not okay. and that im getting worked up over a small thing. but i am miniscule and to me this small thing is ginormous.

-

i am a kind of person who craves change. but only when i want it. And i have gone a very long time without the kind of change i need in my immediate environment. so maybe thats the issue. but i happen to be a child. who lives with his parents. so that causes some problems, dont it? not that my parents are horrible people or incredibly unfair. but because they have their own ideas of how we (me and my brothers) should grow up and what sort of privileges we get ect. because they are my parents. My parents believe that we should each have atleast one physical out-of-school activity we do each week. I do basketball. and i have been since i was in grade 5. its been almost 5 years. dont get me wrong, i love the game and i love playing it. but i find myself dreading going to each game everyweek. i need change. i want to quit bball. i also do drama classes each week(since yr 6/7)- but i like that. and i dont want to quit. because its different every week, every year. My bedroom has also been that same for the past 3 or so years, yes i have moved things around, but the furniture hasnt changed, and the walls have been the same colour with the same wall stickers since we moved in when i was in year 1. I spend a lot of time in here(my room) and it doesnt feel like mine anymore.

-

TW- eating

my medication for ADHD gives me a smaller to no appetite during the day. I no longer bring much or anything to school to eat. i dont really eat breakfast either(but i did that before i got meds anyway). I still eat dinner everyday, just a little less that i used to. and i will eat lunch (depending on situation) during the holidays and weekends mostly because it ends up getting made dor me half the time. i do suspect the rather sudden change un my eating habbits might be affecting me. but nothing terrible has happened to me yet(i have lost a few kgs but that isnt worrying as i was a little overweight beforehand). perhaps this is affecting my motivation too. but who i am to know for sure?.

END OF TW

-

i think i will just continue as i have been. but i will try my best to not worry myself over not posting. although i cannot make any garantees. not many people follow or interact with me here so i doubt this will cause too many concerns but if it does, please do not worry. i will be okay. i am working on myself.

I apologise to those who want/wanted to see my work more/more often. i hope this all makes sense and that you can understand ♡

with sillies,

thomas[FERRN0]

[socoollike]

Sometimes i look back at my childhood and realise there was so much in my head.

Sometimes i wonder if i have all these things like bpd, ocd, asd and adhd but im too scared to talk about it to my parents because from a young age my thoughts and my feelings were pushed aside or treated as a joke. My whole life especially in my early teen years i had a lot happening in my head where i was so intensely depressed and couldnt go outside in fear of my peers seeing me and thinking im weird or i look horrible and somedays couldnt even go to school without having a meltdown. But no. I was a joke to my friends and family. My parents still call me a snowflake when i talk about my friends, problems in the world, if im possibly neurodivergent.

Im scared if im not actually autistic. What if this is just me and theres nothing. What if this is just how my brain works and im just incapable of everything. Or what if i just cant read social cues and everybody just doesnt like me just because?

What if i dont have adhd and i just cannot focus and nothing can fit in my brain? What if i just cant sit still and i have to do something or Ill just explode.

What if i dont have ocd and my brain just needs everything in a certain way and if somebody touches something ill snap. What if my brain just makes up these images in my head of my parents or peers doing things to me or me doing things to them. Me killing people, raping people vice versa. What if i have to do things in fives just because?

Im scared nobody will ever take me seriously. Im scared if i talk to someone about this they’ll just tell me i have nothing wrong with me. Im scared just because i can make five seconds of eye contact (and i have to count to five) im not autistic. Just because my room isnt filled with a specific thing im not autistic. Because im terrible at maths and get bad grades im not autistic. Perhaps i do have adhd ? But ive been thinking i have autism since i was ?? God knows. But nobody did anything.

I was just a quirky kid who had a strange obsession with art ! With collecting dolls ! Putting them in lines by colour and fives ! An obsession with cats that i still have ! You know as a kid i would colour code all the dvds in the living room so much my dad had to sell them ? Too bad im collecting dvds myself now and colourcoding them again and again and again. Even when they’re already colour coded i do it again and again and again.

I was just a quirky kid who sat by herself at break time and lunch because every kid saw something about them that they didn’t see. They saw something in me straight away. Ive always been friends with only neurodivergent people my whole life. They were the only people who didnt see that. Or did they ? Did they subconsciously know i was one of them ? Some kids who werent neurodivergent kept me around sometimes but then would leave me, it didnt make sense. Up to my teenage years one of my best friends was neurotypical, we were compete opposites but i felt safe around her until i would talk about my interests in bands, cats and collecting things then shed go off to her other friends or change the subject or completely leave me in year 10. In year 10 i finally got friends that were neurodivergent and i felt home, i could talk about my interests without feeling like a burden, they were interested. Though i still couldnt read social cues if they were tired of me telling them about my cats origin story or how the nine lives theory came to be. They would still listen and be interested and ask me questions.

I need to tell someone these and get a formal diagnosis but im too scared theyll see me as a weirdo or strange. If j do get a diagnosis ill be so extremely happy because then i actually have something ! Id have something to tell people why im like this, this is why im like this this js me !!!!! This is why you bullied me relentlessly for no reason !!!!!

I need this so bad. I need to stop blaming myself.

[junietuesday]

it’s 3 am and i’m crying over gay fanfiction

[seilon]

the audacity my roommate has to request I pay half of a meal from a month ago (mind you, I hardly ever eat out and I’ve only split a meal with her a maybe three times ever) when I have to pay probably triple what the water bill would be if I lived on my own because of the fourty trillion baths she takes a month (half of which she fills and forgets about and just wastes gallons and gallons of water) And as I’m basically her live-in maid but without the pay (she does maybe two chores. some days. and they’re things either convenient for her or that she literally can’t get away with not doing. i do everything else And put away all her shit she leaves out and clean up after her and blah blah blah this house would be a disgusting hoarders nest overflowing with trash without me here I am not exaggerating she does not know how to do any adult things and those she does know how to do she doesn’t do in favor of sitting on the couch talking to people on discord all day every day and she’s fucking 27). Dude. Like. Just shut up literally just fucking shut up oh my god

[haitaniplug]

CLASS PROJECT CHAPTER EIGHT

summary - you really want to go abroad for the summer, but your grades fucking SUCK, so your parents won’t allow you to until you get them up. you were so ready to focus on the rest of the year until you get partnered up with Rindou Haitani. The boy that comes into school once every blue moon. And to make matters worse, it’s a project where participation counts. So now it’s your job to harass Rindou into getting his shit straight.

tags - enemies to friends to lovers , angst , crack , college au, eventual smut , fluff.

status - ongoing

series masterlist

Taglist: @q-the-rockaholic @crown5 @gumiwaka @hiimviolet @gulfkfl @espinahei

+

“Okay, lookie here.” You pointed at the red squiggly lines on the screen, “Just click that and it fixes the spelling for you.”

“I feel so fuckin’ dumb.” Rindou rolled his eyes, leaning forward towards the laptop to fix his mistakes.

“Don’t feel that way! It’s kinda cute.” You said without thinking and Rindou turned to look at you.

You stared at him, not realising what just came out of your mouth. Rindou probably realised you had no clue what you said and felt like he was making a big deal out of it and shook his head, refacing the laptop.

“Do you live alone Rin?” You asked, “Everytime I come here, you’re home alone.”

“I live with my brother actually,” he said, eyes still fixated on the screen.”

“Ahh okay.” You nodded, looking around his house. “I really like your place. It seems so comfy and inviting.”

“Thanks.” He responded, not knowing what else to say to that. “When will I be able to see your house?”

“Um, maybe when pigs start to fly.” You chuckled, “my parents would never let me bring a boy over.”

“Your parents really suck hm?” He turned to face you, leaning his face on his palm, “not to be rude or anything— just you’re always complaining about them.”

“Well,” you began, “they’re the worst. But I love them. They’re so strict and care about my future more than me and my well being.”

Rindou nodded, staying silent letting you rant. “I could be passed out on the floor and they wouldn’t bat an eye, but if I fail a test— that’s bound to get a reaction from them.”

“Well damn—,” Rindou said, “sounds pretty hard to live like that.”

“It sucks yeah—,” you chucked, “but I’m used to it. Which is why I want to pass school and leave this place. Start fresh somewhere across the world.”

“Anywhere in mind?” Rindou grabbed a pen from the other end of the table, biting the lid off and starting to draw random shit on paper.

“USA to be honest. I always had a dream to just be somebody yknow? Cant be somebody here. It’s like, setting me back.”

“USA isn’t all that you know?” He turned to face you, “not to put you off or anything— just telling you to not be surprised if you spend all your money tryna get there just for it to suck.”

“Yeah but I’m willing to take that risk.” You smiled at him and he simply nodded. “Anyways, want to take a break?” He asked you.

You leaned over to look at the laptop, “you didn’t fix your mistakes Rindou.”

“Later, I want to go out. I’m bored.” He stood up from the table, tossing the paper he drew on into the bin.

“Go where?” You asked, your eyes following his own as he went to the front door and grabbed his shoes. “Anywhere I don’t care.”

As soon as he put his shoes on, Ran burst through the front door, almost hitting Rindou in the face. “Oh, my fault.” He laughed and rubbed Rindous head. “Where are you going?” Another voice came from behind Ran.

“Oh fuck no. Get out.” He pushed Sanzu out, but Sanzu shoved him aside, dramatically entering the living room. “Oh, hello there ma’am.” He winked at you and you simply waved, “hello.”

“RAN!” Sanzu shouted, “Rin has company,” you could practically hear the wink in his voice.

“Wait! No me and Rin aren’t—,” you stuttered, being too embarrassed to put the words together. “We are just working on the project!”

“Oh, so you’re his project partner,” Sanzu said, “Y/N was it?” He said the last part, turning to face Rindou, remembering the conversation they had the other day.

“Yeah, my name is y/n,” you shook his hand, “how did you know?”

“Rin’s been talking about you,”

“No!” He called out, removing his shoes, “No I haven’t. I just told you her name cause you’re NOSY as fuck.”

“Ran please get this pinkie out of here.” He faced Ran who just leaned against the wall, watching the entire thing.

“Y/n?” He suddenly called out to you.

“Yeah?”

“Mind heading upstairs with Rindou? I gotta take care of some things down here.” You nodded before he stopped you, “actuallt no— here.” He handed you some money, “you and Rindou go do some bonding, me and Sanzu have business to take care of in here.”

“Okay.” You smiled and took the money, walking over to the front where Rindou was too— putting on your shoes.

“Ready?” You asked and he sighed before putting his shoes back on and dragging you outside.

“Hehe, I love making Rin uncomfortable,” Sanzu’s scars stretched as he grinned from cheek to cheek.

[dantelionwishes]

life is full of ups and downs downs downs downs dow

loredump under the cut. not kidding when I say its gonna be long!

oh shit you actually clicked keep reading thank you for your interest 😭😭😭

YOU KNOW THE DRILL tw // suggestive dont read ahead if youre uncomfortable with the topic of aphrodisiacs! 

MIDDLE SCHOOL 

before anything, I gotta explain he was born to parents who had an infatuation quirk (makes them hardcore fall in love with you) and an infection quirk (transmits a virus via saliva)  

developed his quirk late, since they usually get it by the time kids are four 

most people knew him as quirkless before the first incident 

in middle school, his class was preparing for a school play, he and his classmate got cast as the main lead prince and princess 

coincidentally, they both had a crush on each other and had a scene where they kissed

technically they weren’t supposed to, since its just a play, but one time they were practicing in private and wanted to try kissing “for real”

so they shared a super giggly cute middle school first kiss but well UNFORTUNATELY FOR HIM HIS QUIRK HAD WELL DEVELOPED– 

BADABING BADABOOM YOU HAVE AN IMAGINATION USE IT

the only way for the quirk’s effects to go away is to come at least once or pleasuring yourself until it goes away

I DO NOT WANT TO IMAGINE IT BUT. IMAGINE BEING A TEACHER AND FINDING A MIDDLE SCHOOLER WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING TO HER AND AN ADULT IS FORCED TO TELL HER HOW TO MAKE IT GO AWAY LLLLIKE–

rip now that I’m thinking abt it, I don’t even think anybody would even kNOW HOW TO MAKE IT GO AWAY so lets imagine she painfully stays that way until they figure out how to make it stop :^(

there’s a big fight that happens between the teachers, principal, and parents of both parties 

of course the crush’s parents got mad and called their kid a fuckin uhhhhh sexual predator or some shit despite also beING THE SAME AGE AND NOT EVEN KNOWING ABT HIS OWN QUIRK LIKE HELLLO

obviously an incident like this is going to spread like wildfire but the principal does not want something like this to leak, especially since it was not on purpose and was a total accident 

the other kid’s parents and some teachers did not feel comfortable however, and sato was forced to drop out

but not wanting to spread the gossip about their son’s quirk and the incident, they leave the town and move someplace else

thankfully, the principal gives the sato family his good grades and a recommendation to a decent highschool for the trouble

they’re originally from osaka, but moved to tokyo 

this is where they start taking precautions with sato, basically teaching him to be careful with his saliva 

it was easily taught and learned esp since the mom was already like that around him and others everyday anyway!! she has to take care of her saliva-based infection quirk, after all 

HIGH SCHOOL

he got enrolled into a regular highschool in tokyo

no hero course, no support course, no business, just a regular ol’ school

if before, he loved surrounding himself with people, this was where he was forced to develop a lonely disposition to protect himself and others

at least his parents were very protective and supportive of him and they were generally a happy family!

but in school, pretending to be quirkless was just as difficult, getting bullied or pitied for having no special abilities 

his excuse for wearing a mask all the time was because his mother had a virus-related quirk, and had to be careful 

one day his dad was suddenly got really, really sick

the more he had an excuse to wear a mask because he didnt want to get whatever disease his father started to develop 

sato started thinking it could be his mother (but why?) the results didn’t say anything about an unknown virus killing him (which is his mom’s quirk), and that his father really did contract a strong yet very normal disease 

while on his second year in highschool, his father, yozo sato, died 

apparently, without him knowing anything about his parents, his mother, oba sato, was actually under the dad’s infatuation quirk this whole time

she realised she wasn’t really in love with him when oba had accidentally allowed a drop of her saliva to fall into the meal she was making him, making him sick, and therefore making him weak enough to deactivate his quirk on her 

oba, back in her college years, wanted to marry someone else but yozo, who had a crush on her wanted her to himself, used his quirk to make him fall in love with her 

so in revenge for making her put up with him all these years to the point of marriage and having a kid, she continued to do this to his food 

her quirk doesn’t make anybody sick enough to die, but it made her husband’s immune system weak enough to the point that it contracted a real, serious disease which he ended up dying from instead 

sato only finds out the real story when he graduates from highschool, days right after his graduation the mom confesses it all 

she does say she truly loves him, but can’t stay around him knowing he was technically “unconsensual love”

sato gets reminded of what his quirk does, and true enough, that’s what him and his quirk turned out to be (a sick combination of his mom and his dad) 

they cant bear to be around each other after that revelation and decide to just not see each other again 

COLLEGE YEARS

he enrolls into an education course, inspired by the kind principal who helped him finish his middleschool-highschool education when it all started going downhill 

sato struggles paying for his college fees esp since he doesn’t exactly have his parents supporting him anymore, nor any contact with immediate family 

he has a lot of part time jobs that go all around the clock, he continues pretending to be quirkless so he gets bullied, and has to deal with all that emotional baggage plus being alone so…….clearly my man is TIRED as hell 

his side job hustles include: convenience store cashier, bookstore attendant, bar bouncer, and rookie gym trainer (he went to the local gym long enough for him to get recommended a job as a trainer)

college was that point where he starts developing a hardcore yearning for a companion because oh my god hes so lonELY (but cant)

ANYWAY SO

there’s this bully guy who always picks on him in college (for being “quirkless” and a loner and overall a fuckin weirdo with a mask)

tbh sato doesnt really give a shit he’s so used to it but he doesnt have his mother as an excuse to wear the mask anymore, this is where he starts forming the “I have bad breath” excuse 

“口臭い” (kuchi kusai) translates to “bad breath” or “stinky mouth” so sato unlovingly gets nicknamed “kusato”

one day he’s walking around the campus at night and finds the bully with his gang cornering another quirkless student, with plans of assaulting her 

sato was never the hero type, and was about to ignore the commotion as to not get involved, but something in him moved on its own and he found himself face to face with the gang 

he confronts them, but the bully mocks both him and the girl for not having powers to stop them anyway 

SIKE BITCH sato’s able to easily strike the other two guys, knock them off their feet enough to be able to tug the to-be victim aside, telling her to report them, before asking her to run away as fast as she can

none of the guys want that (they’re all students) so they have a full on brawl (and this isnt hero academy, its a totally normal university so I wouldn’t assume these guys had very impressive quirks)

except the main bully actually has a pretty decent quirk (he’s like a kinda half human half dragon with sharp claws, scales, and dragon eyes) and gets to injure sato with his sharp claws, seriously injuring his face

a part of his ear is also sort of sliced off, which is how his mask gets accidentally removed in the process 

the dragon bully grabs him by the collar and starts angrily shouting at him for ruining his night, being able to do all this shit without a quirk and all and all other derogatory speech 

“Well? what do you have to say for yourself?!“ 

Sato stays silent before spitting right into the bully’s mouth 

The bully drops him immediately, about to angrily fuck him up for doing something super fucking gross but WHOOP WHOOP YOU KNOW WHATS BOUTTA HAPPEN the quirk works immediately and the bully is a TOTAL MESS on the ground 

Im going to TLDR this part cos its…obviously nsfw but like: sato fully embarrasses him in public (beside the bully’s two colleges nonetheless) 

sato stays in the hospital for some time to heal from his wounds 

fortunately, afterwards, the bullies all get expelled 

unfortunately for sato, he also gets expelled for engaging in bad behaviour, and the bully did say what happened to him (and the college principal did not want his…dangerous quirk on campus) so as to lower any incident, all four were expelled 

at least without having to pay for college fees anymore, he could fully focus on paying for food, shelter, and clothes 

minus of course the hospital bills needed to pay plus he got a sick ass scar from it anyway HAHAHAHA BSDJHJRHDHF

ADULT LIFE

he had a lot of jobs here and there, but was more or less doing best as a trainer at a local gym where people weren’t allowed to use their quirks and strengthen their body regularly 

a few years went by and he eventually shrugged off everything that happened in his final college years but one day someone familiar walked into the gym! It was the fellow college student he saved!!!

she became a policewoman who wanted to get stronger in this quirkless friendly gym and hadn’t given up on her dreams of being a “hero,” inspired by how sato saved her that day

sato never really saw himself as some hero, he was left many nights alone thinking about how easily he could become a villain with his quirk, so hearing that really made him happy 

he trains her as her gym coach and she eventually asks him to join her patrol this small part of the city from a gang that was currently going around doing crimes since he’s good at it anyway, saying she could use some extra hands hehe

so yeah!! he does this side gig with her where he patrols alongside her looking for gang crimes and such c:

AND ONE DAY. [WISTFUL SIGH] ONE DAY. HE FINDS SOMEBODY GETTING MUGGED BY A GANG MEMBER AND SAVES………A CERTAIN MAN–

thank you for reading all the way here!!!

feel free to ask for questions or for any clarifications 😭😭😭!!!!!!

[anotherhellchild]

📁❤️ I really like your head canons and wanted to see if you had any about Bakugou’s home life

oh boy okay well, tbh im in camp 'mitsuki and masaru bakugou are assholes' so disclaimer right away: This is not a mitsuki/masaru friendly post.

also, i got most my inspiration/ideas from Sif, her hc's and fics are amazing.

This is gonna be very general probably and also pretty messy/ all over the place but if anyone wants me to elaborate or clarify then just lmk. 

ALRIGHT SO, first and foremost, i think the bakugou’s r really neglectful. Theyve always worked very busy jobs together in the fashion industry and they go on lots of work trips and stuff. i think that from the moment they deemed it possible, mitsuki and masaru have been letting katsuki stay home alone for long periods of time. as katsuki kept getting older and more independent (which he had to be) I imagine theyd gradually start leaving for longer and longer. 

also, i think that the communication in the house is TERRIBLE. like, often times mitsuki and masaru would just not inform katsuki of their whereabouts and katsuki wouldnt inform them of his either cause,, nobody ever asked/cared. So most of the time katsuki’d just find out his parents are gone whenever theyre literally not there and then its just like, ‘shit, nobody made dinner’. or smth. 

and, obviously, the bad communication does not stop there. I feel like especially when he was younger, mitsuki would contradict herself on lots of things (as lots of parents do) like ”you are the child and i am the adult, therefore you must listen to me” but then she’s also like “You are not a child, stop acting like one and get your shit together”. Little katsuki would get so frustrated at this and so confused. I imagine that eventually he’d realize he can never be in the right with her, and thats when he starts resenting her a lot which builds up.

oh btw, I should mention; i dont think katsuki was planned at all. I dont think that mitsuku or masaru wanted to have a kid but then they did and it kinda threw their life around (obviously). mostly for mitsuki i think this effected her career quite heavily for a time and she’s blamed that on katsuki ever since. so she’s always resented him on a level.

But yeah, as i was saying, i think mitsuki and masaru r those types of people that were just never fit to be parents. they dont have the patience or care that u need for a child and it shows. I think masaru is the type to ignore and mitsuki is the type to get frustated too easily and lose her cool. So whenever katsuki was being ‘annoying’ or ‘bad’ he’d immediately be shut up or ignored. No time for explanations or reasoning.

Now, if we go back a step,, katsuki is a super independent kid. a consequence to this is that he’s had to teach himself a lot of things and sometimes those things just arent right. He doesnt know that though because he’s had to collect his knowledge from all over the place, which he thinks is normal. so then for example: maybe he’s fought with a kid at school and the bakugou’s are called. They’re both extremely mad at him but he doesnt understand why. If he gets hit, why would he not be allowed to hit too? Is that not how it works? WOuldn’t that be unfair?

but yeah, because he’s basically had to figure the world out himself, with mostly bad influences to look up to. he’s got a pretty messed up worldview. 

Now, i ALSO think that despite mitsuki and masaru not really caring about katuski in general, they DO want to have that ‘we have a good kid’ status, yknow? like, they cant have katsuki embarrassing them or something. I think he’d be dragged along to a lot of places he never wanted to go (dinners, fashion shows, whatever) and forced to wear all fancy clothes and act all neat with no reward. consequences for ‘being a little bitch’ as his mom puts it, are not pretty.

he’s a smart and talented kid too though, and it seems, even to masaru and mitsuki, like he doesnt have to do much for it. which makes them think he’s lazy and stuff and thats not good. so they expect him to work for everything he does at 100% . again, consequences are not pretty.

generally as well, i think there are so many fights in the house. katuski speaks up whenever he disagrees with bullshit and even though he’s never won an argument, he’s always wanted to. so he’s not going to stop. 

so yeah, basically theyre strict, neglectful and abusive. There are extreme’s they go to, and because katsuki is just the type to disobey shit he doesnt agree with, those are often used.

It’s been said by Sif before, but i really like the idea that todoroki and bakugou both had bad childhoods but in opposite directions. Thats probably the best way to describe it.

Actually, Ive had a fic in my head for a long time that would partly focus on katsuki’s entire childhood and kinda explain my thoughts on it

But anyway, this is getting ridiculously long and i probably have more i could say plus i can definitely go into more detail. as you can see though, my thoughts are a fucking mess. hopefully this made some sense. again, let me know if u wanna know more! :)

[birdiefw]

JJ MAYBANK | SEPTEMBER

Summary: It was during a party on September 21st when you and JJ fell in love.

Warnings: underage drinking, cursing, SLIGHT angst & fluff

A/N: I don’t know how this happened but I’m just rolling with it because I love that song and needed to make another JJ imagine. FEEL FREE TO SEND REQUESTS, TOO!

[not my gif]

You didn’t want to go to the party. There was only one week of school before fall break — a week of complete relaxation and not a single assignment to occupy your time — but you needed to focus on your remaining assignments in order to make sure you were still passing all of your classes. Your parents were expecting nothing but perfection from you and you didn’t want to let them down.

They already disapproved of your friends. You didn’t want to give them any more reason to despise you.

One of your close friends, Kiara Cerrera, or simply Kie, had tried to convince you to go to the boneyard for a kegger to ease your nerves, but you were deep in homework and couldn’t afford to stop now.

That was almost two hours ago and it was nearing midnight. Your parents were fast asleep in their bedroom down the hall, but you were wide awake with your homework spread out around you on the floor. Your mind was desperately begging you to take a break, to rest and relax so you didn’t go into overload, but you’d made it this far — you couldn’t stop now.

Faint music softly played from your phone that was carelessly tossed on your bed, your ears tuning out any chime that came from it to avoid getting distracted by your concerned friends. You promised Kie you were fine and would stop at a reasonable time, but you should’ve known better than to believe she wouldn’t express her concerns to your friends.

After a while, you heard a light tap on your window. You frowned, eyes growing wide. You’d seen enough horror movies than to know better than to look. There was no way you were going to open your window so late at night.

You gulped and stood up, cautiously sitting on the edge of your bed. The tap came again.

You nervously bit your lip, your gut telling you to go get your dad, but you remained frozen in place. The music on your phone abruptly stopped and it began to ring. You jumped fearfully, relaxing when you saw it was only JJ. You quickly answered it, hoping it hadn’t woken your parents.

“JJ, I cant talk right now,” you whispered. Your eyes never left your thankfully locked window. “There’s—”

“Someone tapping on your window?” JJ finished for you, amusement laced in his gruff voice. Your eyes widened and you stood up, yanking back your curtain. The light from your room spilled out of the window, lighting up JJ’s face behind the glass. You sighed in relief and hung up, lifting the window to let him inside.

JJ grinned and pocketed his own phone before quietly climbing into your room; it was times like these you were thankful you lived in a one story home. You backed out of his way, going back to sitting in the floor by your homework. JJ watched you, doing a double take at all of the papers you had scattered around you. “Woah,” he breathed out, cocking a brow in your direction. “Are you sure we go to the same school? ‘Cause there’s no way in hell we have that much work to do it.”

You let out a light laugh, innocently shrugging when you caught his unsure gaze. “Yes, but I’m in AP classes. They require more work,” you replied defensively. You pulled a notebook into your lap, a separate sheet right next to you. “I need to finish these, JJ. Besides, don’t you have a party to be at?”

JJ sighed, lazily plopping down at your desk. He propped his feet up on your desk only to dramatically put them back down at the glare you sent him. “I was, but you weren’t there,” he said in reply. You frowned. Why did it matter if you were there? Sure, you were flattered he wanted you to be there, but that never stopped him from partying before.

“So?” You laughed, jotting down the next answer to your assignment. “I’m just not in the mood to party tonight. My parents would kill me, too.”

“Are you going to tell them?”

“Well, no, but they might—”

“They won’t.” You sighed, giving JJ a tired look. He held his hands out at his sides, eyes softened. “C’mon, Y/N. Kie said you’ve been doing this all day—”

“JJ, I promise, I’m fine,” you interjected. You really didn’t wanna have another debate about it again. You were still reeling in from the one you had with Kiara. You didn’t think you could do it all over again, and with JJ no less. As much as you appreciated his, and everyone else’s concern, it was unnecessary.

You looked back down to your homework, hoping JJ would drop it. You went back to working out the problems, pausing when JJ stood up and sat down beside you. The corners of your lips tweaked upwards, giving him a suspicious look. “JJ, what’re you doing?” You questioned.

He picked up a piece of paper, grinning towards you. “What’s it look like? I’m gonna help you so you can finish sooner and get to the party.”

You giggled, playfully rolling your eyes. “You don’t have to do that,” you stated softly. “I don’t wanna go, anyways.”

JJ dropped the paper, his eyes pleading with you. “This isn’t good for your health, Y/N,” he said, brows knitted together.

“You’re one to talk!” You retorted defensively. “How healthy do you think it is to drink as—”

“This isn’t about me,” JJ cut in, standing up. He ran a hand through his hair and took a few steps away, finally facing you. “I-we’re all worried about you. All were asking is for one night, Y/N. That stuff can wait until tomorrow. You need a serious break, and I’m not leaving here until you agree to come with me.”

You rolled your eyes in annoyance. “You can’t stay here all night, JJ.”

“Watch me.”

You angrily huffed, slamming your homework onto the floor. JJ proudly smirked — it was only a matter of time until you caved. You clenched your jaw and pushed yourself to your feet, folding your arms over your chest. “If I say yes, what do you get out of it?”

“I get to see my friend have a good time instead of overworking herself to death,” he answered, face hardened with sincerity.

You were taken aback by his answer. It was stern, but he didn’t hesitate. He was being honest.

Eventually you sighed, unable to stop yourself from smiling towards the sun kissed boy. “Fine, I’ll go, but one condition.”

“What’s that?”

“You’ll see.”

————

“This is ridiculous.”

“It is not!”

“I look like a freakin’ tour guide!”

“No, you don’t!”

The party was raging when you and JJ arrived, having ridden on your two person bike so you wouldn’t have to take your car and make it obvious you’d snuck out. Kooks, Pogues, and clueless Tourons clashed in one enormous group on the sand, bodies blending together in the sea of faces that moved along with the thumping music that blared from a nearby radio. A keg was placed by the water, red solo cups were discarded throughout the beach, some still clutched in the clammy hands of those hoping to have a good time.

“Hey, what time does the tour begin, hot stuff?” John B. called out, coming up to you and JJ, throwing his arm around his best friends shoulders. You held your hand over your mouth, hoping to hide your laugh from JJ. The boy turned to you, giving you an ‘I told you so’ look, but you just waved it off.

He shrugged John B.’s arm off, pointing in your direction. “It was her idea, not mine,” JJ stated. The bright yellow, Hawaiian shirt he wore was bright under the moonlight, making it easy for anyone to spot him in the crowd. The top five buttons were undone, you having been the one to say that was the perfect amount to have done — just the right amount of skin showing. A black bandana was wrapped in his hair, a few short pieces sticking out and resting on his forehead. “I think she raided your closet of somethin’.”

You rolled your eyes, playfully shoving JJ. Your gaze swiveled over to John B., giving him a small smile. “I take it you were worried about me, too?”

“I’m always worried about you. You don’t party enough,” he replied, chuckling. Then he nodded towards JJ, eyes twinkling mischievously. “He was worried the most, though.”

“I was not—”

“John B.!” A pretty blonde called out, motioning the boy over to her with two red cups in her hands.

John B. contently sighed, stealing a glance to you and JJ. “Duty calls, my friends,” he breathed out. He pointed a finger to you as he started to walk off, lips pursed. “Have fun, Y/N. And if I see you trying to leave early, I’ll drag you back and handcuff you to myself so you can’t leave.”

You falsely saluted him, hardening your features and stranding straight. “Sir, yes, sir!”

He gave you and JJ a final wave, disappearing into the crowd with the Touron girl, leaving you and JJ all alone. You were expecting him to go about and find some cute girl to flirt with and slip out of the part my with, but much to your surprise, he remained at your side.

You could see Kie off in the distance by a dim bonfire, trying to get Pope out to dance with her. You grinned, a gasp leaving your lips when you heard what song was playing. You sharply turned to JJ, gently grabbing his shoulders and lightly shaking. “Oh my god!” You beamed. You grabbed at his hands and pulled him further into the crowd.

“Woah, hey!” JJ whined, tightening his grip on your hand. “I’m getting sand in my shoes!”

“Hush!” You giggled, finding a spot near the middle that gave you both enough room to dance without disturbing those around you. You let go of his hand and then faced him, your smile never deterring. “Dance with me!”

JJ didn’t need to be told twice.

September by Earth, Wind, & Fire blared across the twisted beach, drunken teens belting out the lyrics even if they didn’t know all the words. Your heart was soaring amongst the stars, giggles emitting from you as you happily danced with JJ. All of your worries seemed to wash away the more you allowed yourself to get lost in the music, finding yourself truly enjoying the night.

JJ grabbed your hand and delicately spun you around, your laughs mixing together into the most wonderful sound you’d ever heard. He twirled you around again, pulling you against his chest with your back to him. Your breath hitched in your throat, feeling his warmth send sparks throughout your entire body. Your lips tweaked upwards, something inside of you igniting as you felt yourself be pulled back out.

Your eyes locked with JJ’s blue ones, his expression the same as your own. The music no longer mattered to either of you, your hearts beating in sync. Everything seemed to move in slow motion, JJ’s face getting closer and closer to your own. You didn’t even realize you were moving as well, your faces inches apart.

Your eyes briefly went to his lips and then to his eyes. JJ smirked, tilting his head. “You gonna make a move or what?” You scoffed and lightly pushed him away. He loudly laughed and grabbed your wrist, pulling you into him so you were chest to chest. “Why do you have to be so stubborn, huh?”

You innocently smiled. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

JJ let out a breath, moving closer to you. “You’re something else.”

“And so are you.”

Within seconds your lips were firmly pressed to his, your eyes fluttering closed as euphoria took control of your body. Your hands went around his neck, one had cradling the nape of his neck while the other traveled into his hair. You accidentally pulled some out from under his bandana, but he didn’t seem to care. He wrapped his arms around your waist, smiling as you two finally broke apart just as the song ended; you two were undoubtedly in love.

There was no way you two were going to forget the 21st night of September.

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