#my stress levels are through the roof right now

[nanaminokanojo]

I dreamt of Sukuna very vividly with a whole goddamn plot with the present situation going agonizingly slow and being interrupted by flashbacks on loop but revealing something more and more until it got to the point of the revelation where I lost him in the past, and I was about to attack a post-apocalyptic government because of it. I woke up as these people in navy blue armored uniforms were about to clobber me to the ground while I watched everything around me burn. And I stared at the ceiling, terribly exhausted, and feeling like a piece of me was missing, like I just went through heartbreak and I go, WTF??? I feel the need to write about it and I probably will cause I'm afraid I am becoming delusional even in my sleep and guess what, it had to happen while I was going through a polysomnography so how fucked up will the results be? Haha idfk.

[more-than-a-princess]

A few munday updates:

I'm at the point every August where activity is going to slow down around here. Between trying to get ready for Dragon Con, celebrating my birthday this weekend (and having to declutter a lot of my life at the same time), and dealing with medicine side effects, I'm very behind on my replies (I have more in my to-write pile than I'm comfortable with, and most of them are Very Long Replies/Threads/Posts).

That being said: replies will post when I have the time and spoons to write them. But at present, I'm pretty overwhelmed with life offline that keeping up with replies here has to be put on the backburner for a little while. They likely won't come once a day, every day, but I'll get to them eventually. Probably closer to a 1-2 week turnaround.

I'd also appreciate it if you could hold off on new replies until the weekend but I understand if you can't. Thanks!

[mejomonster]

Ridiculously depressed but I am running ragged (which is surely worsening the depression ToT) so like the idea of weekly therapy to further exhaust me and trigger the anxiety more doesn't sound super compatible

[usodeshou]

God, I just want this day to be over.

We usually have a Christmas thing at my mother's on Christmas Eve and then another one on the 25th at my father's (and then we're at our mother's again on the 26th but that's just for food, the presents are exchanged during both of the initial get-togethers).

It's been like this forever but this year we're having the one at my father's on the 23rd (= today) instead. I hate it. Nothing about that is rational. I know that, logically speaking, the actual event will play out the same as it would on the 25th, the only difference is that it's 2 days early this year so that everybody can make it, which is great! And I hate it. I don't want to exchange presents today, it's not Christmas yet and I'm being a whiny baby about it internally while also judging myself real hard for it because way to create drama for yourself, congrats.

I just found out that at least my present for my dad is gonna arrive in the mail today after all and there's a possibility that it's gonna be here before I have to leave, which is something at least, so fingers crossed. It was supposed to be here yesterday at the very latest but this is the busiest time of the year so I should be glad if I do end up getting it in time at all.

My brother's present is the only one I actually have here.

His wife asked for a gift card for a specific brand this year and I thought this would be the least stressful present because, hey, virtual gift card, easy, right? Right?? Wrong. I had a goddamn anxiety attack last night over the fact that they hadn't shipped (to my e-mail account) yet and the order status what confusing at best (I wanna have words with the person who designed their website because wtaf, but anyway), and I eventually got so stressed about it that I spiralled, only to wake up today to an e-mail telling me that my order was cancelled and I'm just- 😮‍💨 Really. Really? Literally how? I am so used to this shit being automated and shipping quickly that I am genuinely baffled by how long it took to get cancelled in the first place, never mind the fact that it *being* cancelled makes no fucking sense. This is a large brand name, you'd think this would actually work well.

It also means I now have no present for her today. I don't have the energy to try and order this again because even if I did it would likely not arrive today (and chances are it would just get cancelled again tomorrow and I don't have it in me to do this again).

I'mma just have to tell her and explain. I might have to just make a physical gift card that is a random card in an envelope with money in it or something. I could make it cute. I am all out of energy. Nothing about this is fun. I've been stressing out over these goddamn presents for too long now. It's the same every year, I don't even know why I'm surprised. I waited way, way too long to get started on them as always, like a dumdum, so the fact that I have no time left to sort this out is entirely on me, and I'm just so very tired.

I can't wait for it to be the 25th, where I will get to stay at home with my dog all day and all of this will be over. Maybe I'll even indulge and take a goddamn bath or something. I'm just looking forward to not running around in full anxiety mode anymore. This is fucking ridiculous.

[kykyonthemoon]

rafayel and xavier with a reader that gets so stressed out she breaks down sobbing? 🥹

(and zayne if you want)

Soothing

Thank you for requesting!

🌻 Character x F!Reader

Masterlist

Part 2 - Comforting (for Sylus & Caleb)

𝑹𝒂𝒇𝒂𝒚𝒆𝒍

When you entered the studio, Rafayel was resting on the sofa with his eyes closed.

“You're back already? How was the meeting with your old friends?"

He got to his feet just in time to witness the pearl-like tears that were cascading from your eyes. You quickly wiped it away, but Rafayel immediately came to your side and held your wrist.

"What's wrong? Did someone bully you?”

You hiccuped loudly. Rafayel wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you into his arms. "Tell me. Who dares to make my bodyguard cry?

You leaned against Rafayel, a cheek pressed against his chest. His heart rate shot through the roof, then steadily stabilized. The sound of his heart pounding was what you loved listening to, as it soothed you.

Waiting for your sobbing to pass, then you added:

“Sometimes being around other people is so tiring.”

Rafayel took a small step back. His hands circled your neck and raised your chin just enough to make you meet his gaze.

“Are… Are you sick of me? You're about to leave me again, is that true?"

You had to giggle at the pathetic and sulky look on his face. Rafayel was drawn closer by your arms encircling his hips, and you said:

"No. I'm talking about my group of friends. As for you, Rafayel, you are not even human.”

“That's right.” Rafayel exclaimed as his face brightened. “Then you don't have to be sad. If you no longer have friends on land, you still have fish in the aquarium, and in the sea. Fishies are waaaayyyy better than humans. Especially a particular fish that knows how to draw, sing and make you laugh.”

This time you laughed out loud, cracking in the room filled with Rafayel's artwork. He was right; you always had him and the ocean for company. You did not have to try to please everyone, but just the people who were most important to you.

“Thank you, Rafayel.” With a little tiptoe, you kissed his cheek, causing his face to flush.

𝑿𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒆𝒓

As soon as you left the practice area, you caught a glimpse of Xavier waiting outside. You did your best to conceal the tears that were ready to fall, but they were still visible to him.

“What's the matter?”

"Nothing." With a forced smile, you replied. Of course, Xavier did not believe that.

“Are your test results not good?”

He had got you, so you just stared down at the ground. You were trying my best to stay calm, but all you wanted to do was cry out loud in his arms.

Seeming to know that, Xavier pulled you close. His hand gently stroked your hair, pausing now and again to pat your shoulder as a gesture of comfort.

“I… I've been practicing for months… And yet… I still couldn't pass that test…”

"It's not that bad. There haven't been many Hunters who had successfully completed that test. No need to be so harsh with yourself. You did very well, and you are always the best Hunter.”

Feeling Xavier's arms tighten, you sobbed again. It wasn't enough to simply aspire to the top; you also wanted to succeed in every test and every challenge. Given Xavier's level of expertise as a Hunter, you wanted to show that you were strong enough to accompany him and shield him without letting him worry about you everywhere, all the time.

Xavier waited for you to finish crying before gently suggesting:

“You know, getting plushies from claw machines is also a way to practice skills.”

“You just said that to cheer me up.”

However, when you thought about the cute plushies waiting to be taken home, you suddenly felt calmer. Why not, when the most adorable plushie in the world was standing in front of you, eyes wide open as if he was pleading with you to accompany him to the arcade?

“Are you sure you want to miss the special edition plushies this week?”

Xavier asked. You replied with a shake of your head.

"Of course you won't. Let's go then. The greatest Hunter in Linkon cannot be outplayed by any claw machine."

With a smile on your face, you held his hand. You might have failed this test, but you already won Xavier's heart.

𝒁𝒂𝒚𝒏𝒆

You did not say anything to Zayne the whole way home. Yet Zayne remained silent, concentrating on driving without even asking you a single question, even though he knew just by looking at your face, you had had a very bad day.

The intense work made you exhausted. You had been under constant stress for around two weeks straight. The number of Wanderers appearing more and more seriously caused you to take on extra shifts, but that was nothing compared to the paperwork you had to report, or the secret meetings that lasted for hours.

Somewhere in your crazy schedule, you still hoped to receive a call, a text message from Zayne. But when you saw nothing on the phone screen, your heart sank even though you knew Zayne's work was very busy these days.

In any case, you were grateful that he took you home and agreed to cook dinner for you today. You decided not to let your stress bother him. But as soon as he put the bag of food on the kitchen counter, Zayne pulled you back and gave you a strong embrace from behind.

“Z-Zayne?” You were startled and couldn't move because he held you so tightly.

“Now, can you tell me what’s on your mind?”

His whispering voice and his warm breath made one of your ears turn red. You were confused:

“You noticed?...”

There was a sigh coming from behind you. Zayne let go of you, then turned you around to face him.

“I didn't ask, because I expected you to tell me everything only when you wanted first.”

The number of patients visiting Akso Hospital has also increased dramatically in recent days. Regular overtime work was required of Zayne. Yet he still maintained a calm attitude in all situations. Every day and every hour, he always tried to be better, to save more people. You should do the same and become stronger.

You sat up straight to look into his eyes. A smile flashed across Zayne's lips. He lifted your chin and wiped your face with a tissue.

"Do not be sad. A smile is much better on your face."

[delirious-donna]

Hiromi stood by the window; his jacket and tie were discarded by the couch, and his white shirt wrinkled and creased from the stresses of the day. It made you pause in the doorway, your steps lightening so as not to alert him to your presence.

There was no noise except for the continuous pitter-patter of the rain. It drummed against the slate roof overhead, tinkled against the windows and formed ever-growing puddles in the divets of the street below. Your umbrella had saved you from the worst of it. Head down and focused on your footsteps, you hadn’t taken any enjoyment in navigating the pools of water that were not taken care of by the drains along the road, yet right now… it felt different.

Hiromi was framed by the open window in your living room, leaning against the sill with the sleeves of his shirt rolled back to his elbows and a cigarette dangerously close to being extinguished by the droplets falling steadily to the ground. The tobacco mingled with the petrichor, muted by the earthy aroma to a more pleasant level that had you inhaling deeply as you stepped closer. Your lungs filled with the magic of nature despite being deep in suburban Tokyo, but what drew you in was him.

A white haze surrounded him, one that called out to you and spun playful tendrils around your wrists to pull you close. Perhaps it was a manifestation of what you had fallen for all those years earlier, or maybe it was simply in your head. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was the way your heart sped up and your body instinctively reached out for the solace that only he could provide. Hiromi was your haven, your nirvana. This may be your home but that home was truly wherever he was and you didn’t think he knew that—somehow that only made it all the more true.

Your arms encircled his waist, the cooler air brushing against your skin like a lover’s caress, and your head rested on his shoulder. Tension leaked out, his muscles relaxing and shifting until his breathing evened, and he placed a sturdy hand atop your own. For a while you both stood there; unspeaking yet baring your souls, unmoving but travelling together. The embers from his cigarette flared one last time before flickering out, spent.

“How long have you been standing here?” You asked, at last, breaking the spell of silence and hurtling you both back into the here and now.

“Hm… long enough.” His tone was light, jovial even, and you squeezed around his waist until he gave a small wriggle of protest.

“Long enough to watch your umbrella bob past. I wasn’t sure why you didn’t say something when you got home, but this is nice,” he conceded.

“I was admiring you, Hiro. Hardly a crime for a woman to admire her husband, is it?”

Hiromi snorted and turned slowly to envelop you against his chest. You could hear the steady beat of his heart, smell the fading scent of his cologne and you rubbed your nose into the stiff fabric covering his chest.

“Not one that I think would stand up in court,” he teased, his nose buried deep in your hair.

“That’s never stopped you before.”

“True, but I’ll admit that I’d much rather have you here, in my arms, where you belong… than in a courtroom. They can be awfully stuffy.”

“Sounds like you.”

“Oh ho! I’m stuffy now, am I? Well then, I guess I’ll see you in court you—you… husband ogler.”

At that, laughter bubbled up and out. Frothing and eager to fill the room with your humour. You could feel Hiromi’s body judder with the want to join in, only subdued by the bite of his lip. His warm brown eyes fixed upon you as you lifted a hand to cup his jaw and teased your fingertips over the scrape of stubble adorning his cheeks and chin.

“I’m home,” you sighed wistfully.

Hiromi smiled, leaning back to feel stray raindrops land amongst the peppering of greys in his thick black head of hair. The petrichor intensified as if heralded by your declaration, the setting sun breaking through the grey clouds to dapple your bodies in an amber glow. All was right in the world and he felt lucky to be able to say that with conviction.

“Welcome home, my love.”

an: I saw this beautiful piece of art by @kanashiki79 and they were kind enough to allow me to draw inspiration from it for the above. I guess I was in a bit of a sappy mood for Hiro today, but who could blame me?

[nicoline1998enilocin]

Could you write constant cuddles because they're touch-starved with boyfriend/husband Tony, with him being the touch-starved one?

Touch-starved

PAIRING || Husband!Tony Stark x Avenger!Wife!Fem!Reader

WORDCOUNT || ~ 950 words

SUMMARY || Tony has been touch-starved for as long as he can remember, but he has been doing a lot better since he met you. However, when you're gone for a long mission without him, it gets worse, and he's clingier than ever when you return.

RATING || Mature (M)

TAGS || Canon compliant. Angst with a happy ending. Touch-starved Tony. Mentions of anxiety, stress, and depression (non-descriptive).

A/N || This is written for my Summer of Drabbles. This was been the first time I dove into Tony being touch-starved, but it was such an interesting topic to explore! I hope to get into this more in longer fics at some point, but for now, I hope you all enjoy it. This is not proofread; any and all mistakes are my own. 🤍

Photo: Source || Other graphics are made by @nicoline1998enilocin

Main Masterlist || Tony Stark || Summer of Drabbles

For as long as Tony can remember, he has been touch-starved. He may not call it that, persé, but looking at the symptoms, you both know that's precisely what it is, and it's even worse when you're not with him.

When you and your husband are together, in whatever capacity that may be, he's always touching you in one way or another—from lying a hand on your thigh when you're sitting next to him to wrapping himself around you like a koala bear and everything in between.

When you are not with him, however, it gets worse. He shows signs of depression, his appetite is a lot less as a result of anxiety about your whereabouts, his stress levels are through the roof, and he rarely sleeps - only falling asleep when exhaustion has taken over his entire being.

The past two weeks haven't been exactly easy for you, as you've been gone on a mission with Steve, but each moment you had a bit of time to yourself, you could feel your mind wandering to Tony and how he must be doing now that you're not there.

"Is it okay if I call Tony?" you ask Steve as he controls the QuinJet that's bringing you home. He nods with a reassuring smile before returning his gaze to the sight in front of him.

On the first ring, your husband picks up, and you're relieved to hear his voice.

"Hi, my sweet Angel," Tony says as he answers, and your heart beats so fast, it might as well leap out of your chest as you hear his voice. You love your husband so incredibly much, and to listen to his voice again is something you'll always look forward to.

"Hi, Handsome," you say, and Tony immediately smiles. Your voice always calms him down, and he's been looking forward to hearing it since you left.

"We're on our way home now, and I missed you so much," you say, followed by a sigh as you close your eyes. Memories of your husband flash through your mind as you do, and you can't help but smile.

"I missed you too, Angel, and I'll be right where I always am when you're home. How long will it be before you land?" Tony asks, and when you let him know, he hums in response.

"I can't wait to see you again, Handsome. I'm looking forward to holding you in my arms again and ordering take-out once we've taken a shower," you say, and Steve clears his throat, letting you know he can hear everything you're saying. You roll your eyes before you give him a playful swat against his arm, and he smiles at you.

"Hmm, I can't wait either. I love you so much, Angel," Tony says, and your cheeks heat up at his words. Even after so many years, his "I love you " gets you flustered, but in the best way possible.

"I love you too, Tony. I'll see you soon," you say before hanging up. The rest of the flight is spent mainly in silence, but neither you nor Steve mind. The anticipation of reuniting with Tony fills you with relief and joy. Once the QuinJet has landed safely, you quickly make your way to the exit, eager to see your husband again.

As promised, he's standing right outside the hangar where the QuinJet is stored for now, his arms spread wide. A smile lights up his face, though you can tell he's definitely been very stressed and tired when you were gone, as it's clearly visible on his face.

You also fall into his arms with a giant smile, and you wrap your arms tightly around your husband's waist, pulling him as close as possible. This moment has been on your mind since you left, and having him in your arms again makes every mission worth it.

"I'm so glad you got home safe, Angel. I have been so anxious and stressed when you were gone," he admits, and you nod as you pull back just enough to cup his cheeks. You lean in to place a small kiss on the tip of his nose, making him smile as you do.

"I know, Handsome, but I'm here. I'm safe, and I'm in your arms again. We can cuddle as much as you want now, okay?" you say, and he nods before putting his hands under your thighs and lifting you so you can wrap around him like a koala bear. The physical closeness brings a sense of warmth and security to both of you.

"I love you, Angel, and I'm not letting you go anytime soon," he says as he walks both of you into the Compound and towards his penthouse, where the first few hours will be spent with cuddles and kisses until it's time to take your shared shower and order take-out.

Now that you're home, Tony feels like the pieces of his soul have been put together again. He has his Angel back, and he will not let you go for as long as he can help it. You're definitely not one to complain about it, either.

"I love you too, Tony. And I'm happy to be home and be with you again," you say before nuzzling into his neck. Once you're in bed, you can feel the relief wash over Tony as he curls up against you, comfort and peace seeping into every fiber of his being.

It doesn't take long for him to fall asleep in your arms, finally getting the sleep he's been missing out on when you were gone. You play with his hair until you fall asleep, finally feeling safe with your husband in your arms.

[arielleslipgloss]

hii arielle! so now that is summer i would love to rest and take a long break but also keep my days productive, like having a good morning and night routine as well as doing chores and feeling motivated enough to do them, etc, but i'm literally always mophing around feeling really down. what would you recommend for that?

have a great summer!! from a pinterest girlblogger <3

Ahhh hiii love!! Tysm for asking this 💗

Summer Lifestyle

“I don’t chase, I attract. What’s mean’t for me will simply find me.” - Kendall Jenner

Routines!! Your morning and night will impact your summer A LOT. Just in general, having routines will impact your life. If you don’t have a set routine it’ll be hard to stay productive. So, make sure your routine(s) are always adjusted to your schedule. Whether that means time for chores, exercise, or your hobbies. Just try your best to fit it in. Also, try not to overpack your routines with loads of stuff. Making your routines too long could make you unmotivated throughout the day. So try to keep your routines short. That way you don’t rush everything on your to do list. Also, having a short & flexible routine will let you have more freedom throughout the day. For example, maybe you forgot to do a chore from yesterday? Well, with a flexible routine you should be able to do that chore. Without having loads of stuff to do on top of that.

2. Self care days!! Summer is the season to REST! No more stressing over exams and no more drama. It’s time to take a step back and rest. Meaning, take time to care for yourself. Do your nails, skincare, steam your face, make yummy food, watch a movie, romanticize summer, journal, read, develop new hobbies, take a everything shower, spend time in nature, etc. Whatever you can do to refresh your mind, I’d do! Even if that sometimes means rotting in bed. If you’ve been stressed out DEFINITELY take time to, rot in bed, spend time in nature, watch a bunch of movies with popcorn, etc.

3. Make a list of activities to do!! Me personally, I love making bucket lists. For example, this summer I wanted to go blueberry picking, get baptized, go golfing, make lots of flower bouquets, etc. I always like to make bucket lists for different seasons. Especially bucket lists for summer. That way I’m not bored 24/7. It’s like a fun adventure that I do every year. So, I would definitely recommend making bucket lists. It’s the perfect way to stay occupied with different activities. Or if you don’t want to make a bucket list, try new hobbies. You can simply list things you are interested in doing right in your notes app. Then do them whenever you want!!

4. Practice self love!! Doll, it’s summer! We shouldn’t be down bad crying at the gym. We got love to give ourselves!! It’s time to acknowledge how wonderful you are. 2 Timothy 1:7 says “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” We all were created beautifully and with care!! There’s no reason why we shouldn’t love ourselves.

5. Motivation!! Unfortunately we aren’t always going to feel motivated. Which is why I constantly will tell you dolls to work on having discipline. It’s something we will all struggle with time-to-time. However, we have to push through and do whatever we have to do anyways. Pushing through may even help you become motivated. But just because it’s difficult in the moment, doesn’t mean it will be difficult forever. So, keep a positive mindset and keep going!! You got this doll! 💗

6. Get off your phone and go in nature!! I know, I know you dolls probably don’t like to hear it, but seriously. We spend so much time on our phones. Our dopamine levels are probably through the roof. So, take time to slow down and go out in nature. Maybe all you do is run away from bugs, people watch, read a book, or pick dandelions. However you spend time in nature, make sure you actually breathe. Take time to look around. Romanticize those moments that you run away from bugs or read a book.

“You can help as many people as you want but you also have to remember to check in on yourself.” - Kendall Jenner

Love you dolls!! Remember to enjoy all moments in your life 💗

Xoxo, Arielle 💋🎀

[solaarbeeam]

IT AIN'T MY FAULT

streamer! inumaki toge au. fluff and crack, gn! reader

a/n :: mostly to get me back into the swing of things with writing, i HAVE been thinking abt this for a while now tho so i hope you enjoy !! i hope it's not too horrible.

It was one of the few times Toge had let you on stream, mostly because you chose not to get into the public eye when it came to things like that. However, Toge had been nothing but respectful about it, and as such, his fans only caught glimpses of you on Instagram posts or him texting you during streams.

However, this time, you had to break your own rule. Why, you may as yourself? Because Toge has been talking shit and you can't let that slide.

"You know what? fine. If you wanna keep talking all that shit, then let me get on stream and beat you in a game your chat chooses."

Now, Toge is aware that you don't really play games as religiously as he does, and you being on stream physically is something that never happens. You prefer to be out of eye shot, and he can respect that.

But he cannot, in good faith, let you talk shit like that and NOT fry you in a game. As such, he agreed to let you on stream.

Then, the chat went wild.

mc1303xx : WAIT THAT'S HIS PARTNER????

rumiwuimilumi : I CAN TREAT YOU BETTER THAN HIM PLEASEEE

Of course, they got jokingly muted by his twitch mods, in true Inumaki Toge fashion. You simply laughed and sat down on his bed.

"Alright chat, so basically, my partner over here has throwing shade in my face for the entire week, and threatened to beat me in a game of chat's choosing. So, mods will set up the poll, and then we can get started."

"You yap too much. I'm gonna beat your ass."

"Shut the fuck up."

"No, you."

"Talk to the hand."

"You are so fucking sassy."

"You love me."

"I do, but you're a little bitch."

His chat ended up choosing Mario Kart from the choices on the poll. He gets out his Nintendo, passes you the controller, and turns it on. His chat's going wild, probably the most active and loud his chat has been.

"YOU DID NOT JUST THROW A BANANA AT ME-"

"OH YES THE HELL I DID, NOW EAT MY DUST."

Gifts and Subscriptions are through the roof, stress levels are high and Inumaki is about five seconds away from throwing his switch controller out of the window as you hit him with a green shell for the fifth time.

Eventually, he did get past you, which led to demonic screeching on both ends. After all, you did proclaim that you were gonna beat him. Got to back up all of the smack talk, right?

A green shell.

An accidental derailment off the race track.

A banana.

It was a constant back and forth in what felt like one of the longest games Toge has ever played, which says a lot. In the end though, it came down to a well placed green shell that wasn't even aimed at him.

"WAIT WAIT WAIT NO!!"

"YES! SEE I FUCKING TOLD YOU I WOULD WIN!"

Just like that, his chat goes wild the minute you cross the finish-line. Toge gets up, jaws dropped and eyebrows raised in shock. You jump up, and proceed to start talking smack in his face again.

Deep down, he's really glad that you had fun. However, he has a reputation, and if you're going to keep talking smack, he's just going to have to talk smack back.

Regardless, he loves you, and as long as you had fun trashing him in Mario Kart, he's happy as well.

@kissagii

© solaarbeeam 2024

[meandhisjohn]

News from a crazy mind...

Sherlock, mental health and the support from a fandom.

When Sherlock becomes what the doctor ordered....

100 days lie between those moments.

100 days since I wanted to die.

100 days since I emailed Dignitas.

100 days full of struggle and hope.

100 days later I made it out of hell again.

A handful of people who showed me unconditional love during the hardest setback of my disorder career.

I will love them till the day I die.

And once again the Sherlock world saved my soul before I destroyed it myself.

A fandom full of kindness and support and a detective and a doctor who saved me in more ways than they can ever imagine.

Had a doctors appointment on Friday and I have one hell of a doctor.

Not as good as John Watson but highly supportive of anything that increases my strength.

We talked about a little miracle.

A miracle that sounds so incredibly stupid but it is such a huge thing.

For the past five years I have to take besides my regular medication in mornings and in the evenings a little extra cocktail of meds in the afternoon to keep my extreme nervousness in check.

I'm nervous and tense 24/7 and it takes a toll on my body sometimes.

It makes it very hard to sleep and to find a way to sit still.

So the extra meds are necessary..

Ten days ago I started to listen to Podfics and quickly discovered a new way to enjoy the Sherlock universe.

I'm 43 years old and retired since I was 39 because my body couldn't take the stress anymore.

I have some free times during the day and I made it a habit for the past ten days to listen to Podfics in the afternoon and again at night.

And suddenly I could sleep and, and here comes the miracle..

I forgot to take my afternoon meds.

Even more my body relaxed in a way I haven't experienced in decades.

My body was obviously as surprised as I am because since a few days I have to drink a coffee in the afternoon, otherwise I would fall asleep.

I can only drink coffee without caffeine which tastes awful but otherwise my nervousness goes through the roof and I shake like a leaf.

But now instead of taking an extra dose of anxiety relief pills I take a real good old black coffee full of caffeine after listening to Podfics.

And that sounds incredibly ridiculous but for me it is a miracle because for the first time in over 15 years I feel calm and not because of a chemical reaction but because of a human reaction.

I know @totallysilvergirl had no idea what would happen by telling me about Podfics but I will never forget it!

Back to my incredible doctor who saw the change from a person who was determined to end this endless circle of depression and anxiety to a person who smiles again.

Now he ordered a six months try of daily Podfics ( no joke) to see if my blood levels improves and accordingly my medication can be reduced.

He knows that in the past three years my disorder was always better during my Sherlock highs so he is actually happy about the new development.

Long story short ( too late I know)

Do whatever feels right for you!

Invent your own therapy!

Do what makes you happy no matter how unconventional it might be.

Because you matter!!!!

I attach you my new and exciting Podfic collection for you.

Maybe you will find something you like.

Of course everything is available in Reading form as well.

Be happy in your own, weird, wonderful way.

@keirgreeneyes @discordantwords @a-victorian-girl @bewitched-bullet @lisbeth-kk @whatnext2020 @inevitably-johnlocked @barachiki @babaybo @jobooksncoffee @rey-jake-therapist @missdeliadili @helloliriels @podfixx @johnlocky @johnlockpodficclub @johnlockficclub @peanitbear @strawberrywinter4 @chocolate1elise @kettykika78

[sanjisboyfie]

๑ keep safe : luffy's innate instincts (a hum of the heart) (10)

one piece x male reader

i watch the sky getting light,

as i think about those years.

as i whisper in your ear,

i'm always going to be right here.

no one's going anywhere.

『 prev 』

as chopper, the blue nose reindeer, carried the four people inside and he immediately alerted his master, dr. kureha.

he laid them all down on seperate beds, realizing that the blonde was in the least concerning condition while the one with orange hair should be tended to first. the other two were merely suffering from basic frostbite and surface level wounds — at least that’s what the first assumption was.

but when dr. kureha and chopper got to actually working on helping the four, they realized one was in more grave condition than the rest. far, far more life threatening than they thought.

“doctorine, what do we do?!”

the two had finished treating the other three, seeing as they were working together and in harmony, it was a fast process. but there was one left…that had them completely stumped.

“a blood transfusion is out of the question! we can’t operate on him unless we have spare blood bags, what do we do?!”

“we leave him be,” the woman answered easily, taking a swig of her drink.

“b-but, he won’t be competley fine until we fix-”

“there’s nothing there to fix,” doctorine answered with a shrug, “he knows that those things are there, if he wanted them fixed, he’d of done it by now. just leave him be, we’ve done everything we can to keep him stable. let his body do what the body does best when left alone: heal!”

chopper looked reluctant to leave his patient untreated, or at least by his own definition of untreated. in doctorine’s opinion, though, the man was going to be fine.

“stitch him up and put clothes back onto him! and remember, room above 87 degrees! we can’t have his heart giving out in his sleep!” doctorine proclaimed, making the reindeer sweat at the thought — both the stress of the situation and the actual temperature.

of course, the patient he has to treat has to stay in warm conditions - his natural enemy. chopper stitched up the wounds, as well as the incisions that him and dr. kureha made themselves. and after he was done treating him, he put the clothes he was wearing back on, along with extra layers of blankets.

the silver necklace he was wearing before was gently returned to [name]’s neck by chopper.

he looked at the resting boy, thoughts go back to when the four people came to their doorstep.

“hm, they climbed this?! just by their hands?” doctorine questioned, the reindeer in his smaller form nodding in confirmation. “this 5000 meter rock?! ha! they’re crazy!”

“this one has broken ribs and damage to his spine, may i operate on him?” he politely asked as he examined sanji’s chest

“of course,” doctorine replied, “but it seems that the one in the worst condition here is the girl, she’s dying,”

out of nowhere, luffy’s hand shot up out from underneath himself and he grabbed the doctor’s arm. his entire body was shaking, but his eyes held a determination to them that chopper’s never seen before.

“they’re my friends…!” chopper barely made the words out as the pirate’s words were both slurring together and shaky, “save them! save all of them!”

“i get the picture, kid, don’t worry! they’re in good hands,” doctorine replied, showing a rare, genuine side to her. “chopper get ready to begin treatment!”

then chopper woke up from his daydream and left the room to work on making a concoction for the orange haired girl.

nami was the first to wake up, then luffy, then sanji. [name] was still knocked out.

but when luffy and sanji saw how healthy, or rather improved health, nami seemed to be, their relief was shot through the roof. then luffy focused back on how hungry he was and sanji determined to please his captain, were both chasing the reindeer that was following the female doctor’s orders.

“wait,” nami said slowly, realizing that one of them was missing, “don’t tell me…”

she looked frantically at the female doctor, who waved her hand dismissively, “the other one? he’s fine…although, i’m surprised he survived that journey as well,”

“please, tell me! where is he?! what happened to him?!” nami shouted, frantic to find [name]. the man who was gently nursing her back to health the entire time, the one who was responsible for her even being in the castle as he worked tirelessly to carry her there safely.

her eyes teared up as she thought about it.

“he’s fine, i’ve told you! it’s just, he needs to rest longer than any of you,” dr. kureha said and for the first time, her voice sounded grave. as if, she was talking about something in forbidden territory.

“you swear he’s alright?” nami asked, this time her voice was shaking as she clutched the cloth of her blanket so tight her knuckles turned white.

“positive,” doctorine confirmed, watching as the orange haired girl fell into shambles at the news.

her eyes were streaming a steady course of tears as she looked up at the ceiling, crying her heart out, “thank god!!!” she shouted, pure relief washing over her.

dr. kureha smiled softly at the display of pure affection.

the first thing [name] felt when he woke up was utter heat.

his mouth was dry and he felt as if he was in a desert. it was hot!

he immediately threw off the blankets that were piled up on top of him, but that wasn’t enough relief. he opened the window, the first window he saw, and almost threw himself out.

it was so hot inside the room, but at least now he had a cold breeze to work with.

it was only then after he took in the breeze did he realize how worn out his body really was.

“shit…” he cursed as he fell to his knees and clutched his body together in a fetal position.

his entire lower arm was sore, the bandage that wrapped around his hand that he had stabbed searing with pain still, and the hollow feeling in his chest wouldn’t go away.

“you got up too fast, kid,” a voice called out to him. “i’m dr. kureha, you can call me doctorine, though,”

“the others i came with, are they okay?” was the first question he asked, eyes bleary as he looked at the figure of an old woman.

“pft! you guys are ridiculous! yeah, they’re all fine, healing up as we speak,” she assured him, taking a seat in a rolling chair and sliding over to his fetal form. “as for you, you’re seriously lucky to even be breathing,”

he rolled his eyes, forcing himself to sit upright against the wall and face her properly.

“i’ve been through worse,”

“oh, i know,” the woman said, emphasizing her words by speaking slowly for him to clearly hear. “do your friends know?”

[name] paused, taking in a deep breath and blinking slowly as he saw that it came out normal and not in white puffs.

“haven’t told them,” he confessed.

“i suggest you do while it’s still appropiate timing,” she advised and he felt himself want to cower in himself at her words, “the girl, she was real worried about you.”

“she’s alright?” [name] asked slowly.

“obviously, i gave her my medicine and cured her up really quickly!” the doctor prided herself and [name] softly smiled, nodding with a close eyed smile.

“that’s good, really good!” he said cheerfully, running a hand through his distressed hair.

“get back on that bed, boy and go to sleep, you need it,” she told him, about to stand up and walk away, but he stood up and moved to follow after her.

“i wanna see them,” he said in a demanding voice, looking at her with fierce eyes.

“why? don’t believe me?” she teased, hands on her hips.

he didn’t reply, waiting for her to walk ahead and show him the way. she shrugged and went ahead, laughing as she heard him scramble for a blanket to cover himself.

within a couple of minutes they travelled from his room to hers and it was definitely nami, seeing her orange tuft of hair under the blankets she was burying herself in.

the doctor left them alone, closing the door behind her. nami still hadn’t turned around and [name] smiled gently, sitting at the edge of her bed.

“what’s so interesting out that window?” he asked her, watching as first her shoulders stiffened, her head lifted from the pillow, and finally her entire torso shooting up from the bed.

“[name]!” she cried out in glee, throwing her arms around his neck in a long-awaited hug. “you’re really alright!”

“more or less,” he replied with a cheesy grin, “you won’t worry us like this again, right, nami?”

her eyes turned glassy and [name] frowned at the reaction, tilting his head in confusion, “oi, no need to cr-”

she dropped her head into his shoulder, grabbing him tight, her fists bunching up the blanket that was around [name]’s torso, “thank you for everything, [name]!” she shouted, making [name]’s eyes widen in shock.

“hey, it’s not big deal,” he said softly, rubbing her back comfortingly, “you’re our friend!”

she only sobbed louder at his words while he felt bad that he possibly made it worse.

“you took care of me the entire time when those idiots on the ship had no idea what to do!” she said, and this time her cries made him laugh, “thank you, for easing vivi’s worries too,”

“those aren’t big deals, nami, i’m just glad you’re alright now,” [name] breathed out, feeling a weight lifted off of his chest. “say, did my fighting impress you though?”

nami smiled at his teasing attitude, gently smacking his cheek with her palm. she wiped away her tears, “it was terrible and sloppy,” she joked back, making [name] hold his chest in dramatic offense. “and it woke me up several times, learn to be more considerate!” she continued on, enjoying the way he was feeding into the joke.

in a matter of minutes, the two of them were smiling and joking around as if nothing was wrong. eventually, he urged nami to rest and brought the blanket back up to her chin.

“i’m not sick anymore, you don’t have to worry so much, [name],” she chided, although she did enjoy the pampering he gave her. it was nice to just sit back and relax whislt someone else dealt with all your stressors!

the one perk of being sick, nami selfishly thought, was that [name] would tend to her every need without her having to vocalize them.

“you’re not going to rest either?” she asked gently, already feeling herself grow sleepy again.

he pushed her hair aside, taking a seat close to her bed and crossing his arms, “i’m comfortable right here! now go, rest nami!”

[name] fell asleep sitting up while nami slept comfortably on her bed.

then, luffy, sanji, and chopper ran through the room — yelling about how they were going to eat chopper. when they noticed that [name] was there, however, sanji and chopper were quick to settle down.

their captain on the other hand, had no idea on how to treat a newly healed person, so he jumped right onto [name] and was quick to smother him.

“[name]! you’re alright, they healed you up all right, huh?!” luffy shouted, waking [name] from his slumber and blinking slowly as he came to his senses. “do you feel gooooddd?!” he shouted right into [name]’s face.

sanji and chopper were about to scold luffy for his antics, but [name]’s soothing smile made them both calm down. he gently held onto luffy, who was comforting sitting on his lap, and squeezed his sides, “i feel the best!”

”well, that is a relief,” sanji said, walking over and petting [name]’s head.

“oh, is everyone all good and treated then?” [name] asked softly, laughing every now and then as he felt luffy poke and prod at him — probably trying to tickle him.

“yep! that old hag-” a smack on the head made sanji shut up, courtesy of the mentioned “old hag.” “erm, doctorine and chopper treated all of us,”

“that’s good to know!” [name] smiled, looking at luffy with a smile and began stretching the rubber man’s face, “now entertain me!”

luffy made faces as [name] pulled at his face, chopper watching in interest as luffy had the abilities of a rubber man, and sanji only sighed at their childish antics.

everything felt normal for a moment, all of them forgetting the grave danger they were in before as [name] and luffy laughed. sanji left the room to get the prepared food he had left for [name] and returned with a charming smile.

“feast to your heart’s content, [name]!”

“ooh! yay, food-”

“thanks, sanji!” luffy said, taking the biggest piece of meat off of [name] plate and shoving it into his mouth.

the room turned silent and awaited [name]’s reaction.

“you fucker! i’ll throw you out this window and make you climb up this place all over again!” [name] cursed, grabbing luffy by the throat and swinging him around. “choke on my food, you asshat!”

“don’t be so mean, [name]!” luffy screamed, holding on for dear life as he was swung around and around.

the two bickered for a while, sanji could only sigh as he brought more food out for [name] to actually eat. [name] simply forfeit his first plate to his captain, murmuring about how one day, “your endless stomach is gonna get you in big trouble!”

chopper was shyly looking into the room. unfortunately, he had his hiding position reversed.

“hey, reindeer! stop hiding and join us!” [name] said, laughing at the fear that crossed the animal’s features. “you’re a big scaredy cat, huh?”

“i’m not a cat, stupid human!” chopper shouted, pointing a hoof at [name] in anger. “don’t laugh at me!”

“oh, do you happen to have my black piece of cloth?” [name] asked, taking another bite of his food before continuing on, “it was wrapped around my wrist when i came up the castle, but i’m not wearing it anymore,”

“don’t talk with your mouth full, it’s disgusting,” sanji scolded, slapping [name] on the head as he smoked his cigarette.

chopper silently nodded his head in confirmation. he had thought the cloth was just a piece of trash, but he didn’t throw it out - only hand washing it to rid it of the blood that stained it.

“can i have it please? it’s important to me!” [name] grinned, making the reindeer nod once more.

chopper ran off after that, leaving only the strawhats in the room.

“hey, luffy, let him join the crew!”

“ah? i already said he'd be our doctor,” luffy said nonchalantly.

“but i want him as a mascot!” [name] said, making sanji slap him on the head again.

“he’d be better off being our doctor, idiot,” sanji said.

“i already tried talking to him, but he refused,” nami informed them, turning all their heads in her direction. “it seems he has a pretty sad past,” she said, her expression turning sad.

“all the more reason! isn’t everyone on our crews story depressing! we can be a band of depressed pirates!” [name] joked, earning him a pinch to the ear via nami and another slap to the head from sanji.

just as nami was going to continue, chopper came back into the room. this time, he was in a different form and walking on all-fours. in his mouth he held [name]’s sword and cloth, making the man beam at him.

“wah! you’re the greatest ever, chopper! sanji, fetch it for me!”

“you can walk on your own, idiot! don’t order me around!” the chef shouted, fury clear on his face as [name] pouted at him.

“to think you’d treat your own injured crewmate so harshly,” [name] said, his frown only deepening, “after all i’ve done for you!”

“don’t guilt trip me into feeling bad, it won’t work!!!” sanji shouted once more.

chopper silently walked across the room and dropped the items onto [name]’s lap. this made the man stop his fake tears and pet the reindeer on the head, “you did a really good job in taking care of us, chopper! you even remembered to put my necklace back on!”

chopper nodded, eyeing the piece of silver jewlery. noticing his interest, [name] said in a hushed tone, “if you forgot to put it back, we all might’ve died! isn’t that scary?”

it certainly did scare chopper as he stood still and his eyes were blown wide. his words made his crewmates look at him in caution. sanji being the first to speak up, “you’re joking, right?”

[name] shrugged playfully, “who knows?”

sanji seethed through his teeth, resisting the urge to hit [name] again, “don’t joke about things that are serious!”

“who said it was serious?”

“you implied it just now!” nami said, looking at [name] as if he were stupid and had grown three heads. “what do you mean we’d all might’ve died!”

“i was just saying,” [name] shrugged, taking the last couple bites of his food and rubbing his stomach, “since i’m nice and full now, no one will be dying anytime soon, don’t worry,”

“that doesn’t help at all!” nami and sanji cried out in unison.

“[name] was just joking,” luffy said, waving his hand as if it were not a big deal. nami and sanji couldn’t believe it - they literally couldn’t. if luffy knew something they didn’t, if [name] was really just joking, what the relevance of the necklace was. it was all so confusing.

so the two who were kept in the dark simply shook their heads and sighed at their troublesome new crewmate.

[name] hummed in delight, wrapping the cut out piece of cloth around his right wrist and holding the sword close.

“hey, chopper, you have any interest in pirates?”

the reindeer stiffened, hesitantly nodding his head.

“why don’t you become pirates with us?” [name] grinned, pointing at luffy, “he’s our captain and he’ll make sure you’re well taken care of!”

“he wants to eat me!!!” chopper said in resistance, making [name] sweatdrop.

“well, he won’t…probably,”

“what do you mean by probably?!” chopper said once more, turning to run out of the room in fear for his life. “eating me isn’t a joke, y’know?!”

“i never said it was!”

“yeah, apparently, you don’t say a lot of things, shit for brains,” sanji sarcastically chimed in, taking the clean plate off of [name]’s hands and setting it on the table.

“i miss zoro,” [name] said out of the blue, making sanji look at him incredulously.

“if you miss him why don’t you go running back to the going merry?! what does that even have to do with i just said?!” sanji berated him, pulling at his ear multiple times. “he doesn’t even like you!”

“are you saying you like me, sanji? what a romantic confession!”

“i’ll kill you!!!”

[name] laughed as the chef continued pulling on his ear, finding the shift in his attitude hilarious since he mentioned their swordsman. the easiest way to rile up sanji was mentioning zoro, after all. and sanji riled up and annoyed was always funny to [name].

their mini fight was broken up, however, when nami rest her hand on sanji’s arm. that completely made him still, not wanting to accidentally harm her in his actions, leaving [name]’s side and going to nami’s.

“you loud idiots leave the room, i’ve gotten tired again,” she said simply, turning her head to the window and yawning, “[name], why don’t you lie down as well?”

“hm, maybe i’ll go back to the room,” [name] said, feeling himself grow drowsy as well. when you eat food to your heart and stomach’s content, you do tend to get more tired, he thought to himself. “luffy, carry me to my room!”

“you have legs, don’t you?!” sanji shouted, making [name] brush him off once again.

luffy only grinned in happiness, taking [name] on his back in a piggy back ride and shouted about going on a race around the castle.

“just take me to my room, idiot!” [name] said, holding onto luffy tight as the rubber man began to run around the entire castle.

throughout the empty halls, [name]’s shouts could be heard from everywhere, making the rest of the crew sweatdrop at the duo’s antics.

when they were finally at [name]’s previous resting room, luffy dropped him off with a smile on his face.

”we’re gonna get chopper!” luffy said with a mischevious look on his face, “he’s gonna be our doctor, you think it’s a good idea right?!”

“well, why are you asking me? you’re the captain, idiot,” [name] said, chuckling as luffy peered so close to his face they were only centimeters apart. the ever oblivious luffy definitely had no sense of personal space.

“huh? i wanna know what you think,” luffy said simply, leaning closer to [name] to the point their noses and foreheads were touching, “it’s a good idea, right? right? i come up with great ideas, huh!”

“it’s a fine plan, luffy,” [name] said, pushing luffy’s forehead with his own before laying his head on his pillow, “now let me sleep,”

to his surprise, luffy didn’t immediately bolt out the room. instead, the captain just sat on the chair nereby [name]’s bed and looked at him.

“luf-”

“i wanna watch you sleep!” luffy said with a childish grin, leaning forward once more, “go sleep!”

[name]’s face cringed, “that’s creepy, plus it’s harder to sleep knowing you’re watching me…which is, an issue by itself,” but it seemed luffy didn’t pay attention to his words at all, simply humming a familiar tune to himself as [name] only resisted the urge to lecture luffy.

“just go, luffy,”

“i’m busy,”

“doing what?”

“watching!”

“it’s weird, go away!”

“it’s not weird,”

[name] turned on his side, pulling the blanket up to his face, “why is my captain such a weirdo…” he said, fake sniffles leaving his mouth as luffy only laughed behind him.

his captain was laughing at his misery. he could only sigh, pretend he didn’t know that luffy was there, and force himself to sleep.

luffy did stay for a little extra while longer, wanting to make sure that [name] was really sleeping. he pushed the chair closer to [name]’s bed and leaned his head down, so that it was resting on [name]’s chest.

he furrowed his eyebrows and shut his eyes, lips brought together as if he was in deep thought. he made sure his ear was pressed snug against [name]’s bare chest, focusing.

when he finally heard [name]’s steady heartbeat, he finally opened his eyes and let a look of relief wash over his face. he didn’t move from his spot, though, keeping his head against [name]’s chest.

[name] really scared luffy earlier. the man was so determined to get a doctor for nami that he didn’t really care much for his own person. but luffy noticed. the state he was in when they finally reached the top made the captain frown. [name] was so beat up and tired.

luffy usually didn’t pick up on a lot of things, but when it came to [name], he noticed almost everything.

and he saw that [name] was so eager to get nami to feel better he threw the health of his own body out the window. because of that, it became clear to luffy what their next course of action was.

get a doctor on board the going merry so [name] doesn’t have to make so many sacrifices in the future. plus, having someone there to treat their wounds from their awesome fights would also be a plus! luffy grinned at the thought of another friend sailing with them, going on adventures.

and [name] rarely ever got hurt, but if and whenever he does, luffy wants to be sure he’ll be treated. chopper just had to join them! he wouldn’t take no for an answer either. it’d be for the health of his crew, so it was vital chopper joined.

as he thought of ways to persuade the unique reindeer, he kept his ear pressed to [name]’s chest, humming a childhood song to himself. one that was given to him by [name] and made him think of him. and whenever he thought of [name], he couldn't help but smile. easily, like when he was a kid, he was hypnotized by the rhythmic beating and felt relaxed.

_

『 prev 』 ˗ˏˋ꒰ 🌊 ꒱ 『 next 』

_

taglist (lmk if u want to be tagged ! <3 :

@skullr0se

[mxsonxmountx]

MM x Exam Season

Word count: 804

Requested: Yes/No

Requests: Open/Close

Bold: Mason

Italics: you

AN: I don’t go to uni so i had to look at the grades online, pls forgive me. I had this all typed out on my laptop which was supposed to be longer, then it all got deleted 🙃😭

 -----

You’ve had exams every other day for the past 2 weeks. 2 weeks you haven’t seen your boyfriend Mason, 2 weeks you haven’t seen your family. Being known as masons’ girlfriend had its pros and cons, being in the family and friends area at Chelsea every other week was the best part. Cons? Not seeing him as much as you’d like and the hate. But with both having busy schedules you both came to terms with it eventually. You had your last exam in a weeks’ time, you agreed that Mason could stay for the week since the football season is over. You was in your garden with your books and he was kick his ball up and down on the concrete, you never had an issue with it but the sound was beginning to irritate you more than you thought.

“Mase please can you stop? Just for two hours? Please? I really need to concentrate.” “But you don’t give me attention when you study. I haven’t seen my girlfriend in weeks and all she does is study when I’m around” and with that his ball smashes your laptop “y/n I’m sorry. Please forgive me” you didn’t even stay to accept his apology, you went straight to your study room, locked yourself in and screamed. You had books that you could study from, but all your notes was on your laptop... every single note you made was on there, and now it’s gone. Because of your boyfriend couldn’t wait for a couple of hours for your attention.

——

Before you knew it, it’s was approaching 7pm and you could smell the freshness of something cooking but you hadn’t done any shopping in weeks due to stressing over your exams. “Why have you done this? I told you I’d be okay on a coffee and red bull” “I made it because I can tell that’s all what you’ve had for the past two weeks, I’ve made you a proper home cooked stew. Just like when we was kids, what my mum used to make us both” “I’ll eat it, but after I need to study” “not until I’ve given you a bath, you need to relax. I can tell that your stress levels are through the roof. You don’t need to stress too much you’ve got the final exam and I know that you will pass it without a doubt” just those words made you cry, yes all the stress and build-up of the anxiety hasn’t helped but that just topped it off and you needed a good cry. “I know I know but it’s just all too much for me right now. I’m sorry that I haven’t been replying to your calls, or seeing you properly in the last two weeks but this is the big exam Mase” he hugged you even tighter than before “listen its okay. Once this final exam is over with, we’ll go on holiday. Just you and me. We need some time together we’ve both been stressed and struggling at the moment. We deserve it” you both stay there for a little while longer before deciding to eat.

——

A week later you was awake at 5am, going over your notes that you made, ready to leave for uni at 8am, for the exam to start at 9:15. You was nervous but you could just about keep your nerves to a limit. Going into the hall you felt your phone vibrate and it was a message from mason:

Mase: good luck today angel, we’re all behind you. Go make us all proud. See you soon. Love you xxxxx

You didn’t have enough time to reply but he was definitely your good luck charm. All the weeks of studying is now down to this final exam.

Roughly a month later, it was results day. You wanted everyone to be there with you but it wasn’t possible, so you and Mase decided to set up both laptops (he brought you a new one) and have a zoom call so your family, his family and the Chelsea boys could celebrate with you all at once. You would be getting the results via email, time was going slow, slower than before. Your anxiety was skyrocketing and so was your blood pressure. You kept refreshing your emails from 8:58, you was too nervous to read them out for yourself so Mason read them out for everyone.

“Ladies and gentlemen, the results are in…” “Hurry up Mase please this isn’t helping” “I can proudly say my girlfriend got a…” “It’s not higher than D1 is it?” “A1! You’ve passed baby! You’ve passed!” Everyone cheered, you couldn’t believe it, and you passed all the stress was finally worth it. “I can’t believe I did it, I passed. I’m now officially smarter than my footballer boyfriend” “watch it misses”

[amywritesthings]

hello friends! i've spent literally my entire sunday romancing judy alvarez in cyberpunk, but i see your reviews and comments and inboxes about P4 and honestly you are all so very wonderful.

my goals and hopes were for a thursday drop, but i can't be for certain yet. if you didn't see my post from friday, essentially my insurance (more under cut, tw chronic disease mention, tw medication/endometriosis)

---is trying halting my life-or-death meds that regulate my chronic disease, so i will be appealing -- i'm hoping it's a quick fix by tuesday, but in the event that it's a week-long battle of phone tag (on top of getting ready for my week-long working vacation from july 6-july 13 + just work in general) i don't want to announce anything P4 related. i hope no one is too upset -- i really wanted to spend my time writing, but my stress levels are through the roof right now that i've virtually gone MIA on all social (talking to people is just tough rn with my own situation and the stress of perhaps not being on my meds anymore / having to find alternatives, endo growth yada yada -- a lot of depressing stuff.)

but yes. again -- i'm going to try my damnedest to write tomorrow night. i really so badly want to write part three so i can spend my working vacation at the shore writing on the beach and producing not only part four, but chapter 23 of silver underground.

thank you to everyone who has interacted with my work this weekend. hell, this whole /month/. ive been in such an immensely dark place (which is so rude bc it's pride month, they shouldn't be messing with my rent/med/etc.) but alas, the universe gives its hardest battles to its hottest hotties.

xoxo with all the love, amy

[blondeaxolotl]

As much as I despise Red Butler!Sebastian, I can't deny the fact he's actually pretty damn entertaining and funny

Like he's a whore right but he's also such a downbad simp to others (like to Grell or Lau) it's insane. If Grell were to give him some off-hand compliment like "You were more useful than I thought you would be, dear" because he was helpful on a mission, he would be thinking about it for the next WEEK. Probably annoying Hannah about it for days cause "omg.. she thought I was useful EHEHHEE ☺️❤️☺️❤️☺️" doing those hand flaps fully fanboying while Hannah just stares at him, debating should she ruin his moment because hes been like this for days (and is positive Grell only told him that because she thought he'd get in the way only and surprisingly didn't). Or does she just let him fanboy and hope this lil phase goes away eventually

Another example of RB!Sebastian just being a simp is that he'd make comments to Grell like "Darlin' if I was still a human I'd let a gorgeous demon like you devour my soul any day" which are like genuine comments since he thinks Grell is that beautiful to him he'd let her eat her kind of ahh 😭.

Don't get me started on him also wanting to style the others hair, it's one of the reasons why Lau's hair stays long, just because Sebastian likes to style it for him (should also mention it's also stress relieving for Sebastian as it distracts him from whatever terrible day he had that time). The day Grell finally lets him style her hair would be celebratory (girl doesn't do anything with it anyway).

Unfortunately for him being a "simp" also comes with it's cons cause not only does he fall in love easily but his jealousy levels are beyond, through the roof high. When he first found out how close Othello and Grell were getting it was soul crushing, never wanted to murder someone so bad before. Jealousy made him realise how annoyed Grell was with him most of the time (she was always annoyed with him actually, he just never noticed it until now). But fortunately the jealousy didn't last too long because after he started to ACTUALLY Interact with Othello instead of glaring at them from afar, he immediately switched from "I want that twink obliterated." to "omg wait they're kinda cute 🥺".

Did the jealousy stop completely, no, still was insanely jealous though a compliment or two would've made him forget why he was jealous so it wasn't that bad lmaoo.

[twst-drabbles]

Ace, Deuce and Jack 1

Summary: Jack meets the little plant nymphs Ace and Deuce for the first time. He is not impressed with them.

(Be sure to gush at me, I've been without my vitamin shakes so I need them.)

That cat you’ve yet to nickname has been visiting more often than you’d like him to. You can’t really say you’re shocked, since the state of your garden is not longer barren and wilting with your neglect. More plants means more hiding places and things to chew on. But also because that gray cat’s been eyeing your mini gardeners lately.

You would be more worried if it weren’t for the fact that Riddle can level the house if he wanted to. The only reason this cat’s been able to get on your roof and relax in your trees is cause Riddle lets him. He hasn’t done anything too bad yet, but you figured it’s only a matter of time.

Today’s looking to be a calm day, so you figured this would be the best time to introduce Jack to the backyard. He’s a little too keenly aware of territories and where they lay, so he’s been avoiding this place, though that didn’t stop him from watching through the windows. In fact, he still refuses to touch the ground. He’s on your shoulder right now, taking in the sights with his mouth agape.

Though, when you turned around to get deeper into the garden, you heard Jack’s teeth clack and a muffled bark behind them. The distraction was easy to find. It was the cat again, not really napping but not really moving from his spot in the dip of some tree roots.

“Ah, was hoping he wasn’t here…” You really didn’t want to stress Jack out, so you guess him meeting the others will have to wait another day. “Oh?”

Then, out of the bushes, burst out two little plant nymphs with too much bravado for their own good. Ace carried a big leaf with a sturdy stem, all big and glossy like those of a magnolia tree. Deuce had a leaf of his own, though this one was considerably more spiky around the edges.

With timing and coordination that can only come from life long friends, Ace and Deuce whacked the lazing cat right on the head. He did not move, only blinked very slowly once before opening his mouth and letting blue fire spill out in one steady stream, burning the leaves only.

Ace and Deuce both squealed and retreated behind your ankles.

Ace looked up at you, pointing furiously to the yawning cat. Deuce, on the other hand, was trying to climb up into your pant leg like that’ll keep him safe.

You sighed. “So, what do you think, Jack?”

Jack’s stare could not be anymore devoid of wonder as he stared down at the two nymphs that still weren’t paying attention to him. He gave a sigh of his own before disappearing in a cloud of smoke.

But he didn’t float back inside the house. No, he swept down right in front of the fire-eared cat settling down for a nap. The smoke morphed, expanding then condensing into the sharp and harsh features of a wolf’s head.

The cat stood at attention, arching his back just as the wolf’s eyes glowed gold.

The maw opened and Jack howled.

The stray yowled, scrambled up the wall and left.

You blinked. “Huh. Impressive.”

Though you know that cat’s going to be back to try his luck. He’s a stubborn one. And very arrogant. Honestly could give Leona a run for his money.

Jack puffed back to his usual form. Pride strengthen the length of his spine and shoulders, even lifting his chin up a bit as he basked in your praise and the plant nymphs jealousy and begrudging respect.

That’s certainly a first meeting.

[punk-in-docs]

I am OBSESSED with your Prince Paul series. I've been reading and re-reading them. I can only hope there's more coming! Like I'd love to see them dealing with the wedding preparations, all the related stress and Catherine being Catherine. Or the first time they say LOVE? Or the first time they see each other nekkid? Or, or, or, anything!! I just love your writing sooooo muuuuuch. (I am also getting inspired to write fan fic or your fan fic, if that's okay???)

🥀 And The Stars Sighed In Unison 🥀

Authors Note: That’s more than ok my love. I’m so flattered! That’s amazing. I’m so humbled the muse has struck you as a consequence of my foolish little words. So here I give you in no particular order; Wedding day planning. Stag party drunken naughtiness, and in general the excitement of the big day. Hope it meets the mark-

TW: m receiving oral, PIV , dirty talk, clit slapping, much flirting, naughty ren-dez-vous, little dirty in places I mean, c’mon now, it’s Paul x Tsarevna. Don’t be expecting saintly behavior from them (or me) now.

The Palace shimmers. These snake pit halls and cloaking walls, that will never really be home to you, are teaming with bliss. Air full of it. Perched on the precipice of your marital joy.

A royal wedding in December. Anticipation hangs heavy indeed. Heavier than the clouds above distended with snow.

You’ll be married in that snow, Catherine says. Bedecked in white and silver. Because that’s the way things were done here; most babes here learned to keep warm before they learned how to walk.

Lavish affair like no other. It will be ripe with nobility. Snow studded, crept with frost. How appropriate-

The great ballroom is packed with flowers. Crammed to choking. Quite literally. Stuffing the space with pollen and nectar. Outside the trees are thinned brittle with cold. Basked in snow. Icicles on the windows. Inside it’s like there’s been a second sunny waft of spring.

Catherine wanted silver and white inside here. Everything wearing ice. Staining these great baroque halls. A nice occasion that will perhaps wipe through the rusted blood smears, and gloss over her treachery for daring to rob this heaving sow of a country from a man.

Dark walls hung with garlands of scented white flowers, tender tendrils of creamy sweet peas, tulips, and roses. Strung with thick cream ribbons. The best silverware being polished by the servants to a high shine. Flowers wait in vases. The glassware winks like far off stars from the ice smooth linen tables.

You walk obediently alongside her, when she tuts and snaps her fingers at a maid and shoved a poorly polished candlestick back at her, to have it done again.

Her predator eyes on the prowl, nasty tongue in step with it; she never missed a single thing. Countess and you, by her side.

“Do it again. And get it right, or I will have you whipped.” She cuts low. It’s terrifying how calm she is with wintry rage.

Fuck the frost. Catherine’s demeanour bit more than frost could ever dare.

You’re too busy marvelling at the flowers. You’ve never seen the like. Not in the scrappy leaky roofed Manor House you call home in Rostov. This whole environment was groaning with imperial snobbery at a whole new gilded level. Bloated with pomp and circumstance.

Every touch is artful. The flowers, the candles, the feast that’s been planned. Four boozy fruit cakes with hand crafted marzipan icing. Eight types of wine. Shipped from Portugal and France. Vodka unloaded by the barrel full - naturally.

Roast pigs turned on the spits for main, with marjoram, apple and cognac sauce. Haunches of deeply red venison with stewed blackberries and rosemary. The kitchens are fired up night and day for this. The maids on a strict rotation to clean and ready the halls to a gleaming spectacle.

Your dress, Paul’s robes. One of a kind and being worked on by no less than ten dressmakers and tailors, each. It’s all truly beautiful, and mad. And you are struggling to believe - to comprehend - these efforts are being ground to the bone, to satisfy the tune of your own wedding day.

Eyes turned to the ceiling where the flowers are being strung up. Five strands meeting in the gathered centre of the ballroom. Floors being soapy scrubbed and polished to a mirror shine. Every step reflected back. Observed.

This circus court would be watching keenly in attendance. Which makes you want to gouge your eyes out with one of those very spotless fish knives, or a bouillon spoon. Whatever’s closer.

The wedding that is but two precious angst filled days away.

You’ll cease to be a Voronsky. From now on, you’re to be known as the Tsarevna. You turned your nose up when someone tried to call you princess. They quickly found better words in odes to your sharp displeasure.

Call me that again and I will cut your tongue off.

Yes, Tsarevna.

Catherine turns her attention back to you, as you wander along the tables. Drinking in the madness and the beauty.

The Countess is with you and she’s nattering guest lists of who’ve confirmed attendance, at you.

Royal protocol and what that dictates for the drowning numbers of nobles and the statute of those invited to your ceremony.

People will travel in from all over Europe for this. Brave the snow. Nobility came flocking from every corner to pick at the nuptials. Faff over the bride. Congratulate the groom. Throw toasts and hurl wishes. Gorge on the finery.

Then the Countess suddenly sucks air through her teeth seeing a certain princely name appear on her page.

“That will prove tricky-“ She remarks like a vixen, when she comes to the certain name of a royal Swede.

The one who left here jilted, several weeks back.

Catherine is not amused.

“I’m not dancing on eggshells for the ego of one swede. Let the prick come see her happiness. Be done with it.”

You smuggle a secret smile to yourself as you drape your fingertips over the petal of a dainty sweet pea in one of the table arrangements. Fragrance of it so sickly.

“He’s recently engaged, so I’m told. That flame is well and truly doused, I assure you.” You tell.

It never even began to flicker, you think.

“On your side, it may.” Catherine suggests with a pithy smirk. She saw how taken the boy was with you.

“My eyes wander to no other.” You smile at your Empress in law. “And the Countess tells me he was quite struck with that Petrovka girl.”

“Cuntstruck I said. Petrovka had her legs behind her ears since the day she joined court. And she’s sawdust for brains” The Countess took sordid detail in revealing.

Catherine sneered. “Better he found his easy prize. Left us with our Russian gem.” She walks up to you and lays her hand softly on your arm.

You’re not stupid. You know Catherine had her hand on the rudder of your early courtship for far longer than she pretended too.

And well, there’s certainly a great deal more than sawdust between your ears. There’s blade angles of femininity, blazing gunpowder wit, deep unending pools of ideas and intelligence in swathes. Cunning too, some diplomacy, and fistful upon fistfuls of hardy bravery.

“I’m very proud to see you take all this on. My dear. Many would envy you. But do not forget that the task placed ahead is a great one.” Empress reminds you.

“Must run in the family. Rising to greatness.” You answer. Petting her hand with your own. Her draconic red smile widens. Eyes wrinkle pinched at the corners in glee.

“I do enjoy you so.” She chuckles as she pats your hand like you’re one of her little perching obedient dogs. “How do you like the flowers?”

“Divine.” You remark as you wander your eyes around the huge room.

“We can have no less than. Cause people will fucking talk and bitch. They do nothing else when they come to a royal wedding. They want their flawless show of it all and they’ll pick pick pick at it like starved crows.” She comments. Inspecting a polished wine glass.

“You must recall your own.” You ask her as you dance your fingers over a place setting. Gold leaf on the China. Sapphire leaf accents.

“Short, swift. Painless. Much the same to be said for the wedding night.” She mocked. The countess cackled.

Charming.

“Do we need to give you any instruction on the matter?” The Countess winked at you. Dry chuckle as she attended her lists.

“I think I’ve gleaned enough by now. My new lady in waiting, is most vivacious in her manner of stories.” You concede. Lady Dimitrova was as unstinting to talking about sex, as she was formidable. Both were high measures indeed.

“One dare say they contain a prick of truth.” You add in a way that makes them both leer laughter.

“The veritable picture of a modest blushing bride.” The Countess remarks. Preening in delight at you.

“I heartily concur.” Interjects a voice you know all too well.

You turn your head and see none other than your beautiful intended drawing near,

Four male figures darken the golden horizon of this grand room. Paul and his usual party of scurrying sycophants and paper-pushing bureaucrats. Pillars by his side. Minister Panin, stout General Abramov, and a weedy bespectacled civil servant by the name of Berensky.

Paul wanders over to greet you with his party in tow. His arms clasped behind his back. Draped today in his glass green coat, accented with carmine-red. The clack of his boots joins in the wedding hubbub rioting noisily around you.

The red slash of a royal order dangling jewels and honour around his neck and the sea blue silk of his sash running from shoulder to hip. You like it when he’s all shiny and preening in ceremonial garb. Coiffed soldier. Sword swinging at his side all golden. He looks so pristine.

Only you grin because this was the same shiny and polished prince, who had spat in your cunt this very morning, and fucked you as if he were a beast. He went hard. It was bliss.

Handprints blazing their sting on your ass. Bruises on your thighs. Getting you dopey and all cock drunk before you had to scurry on back to your chambers.

Sustaining the false illusion that you’d spent the night there, and not sat on his cock, sobbing his name to kingdom come - as you then did.

Every slam of his hips into you was a fiery agony cracking across your skin - and oh, how it made the pleasure burn that much sweeter.

It’s so decadent a memory it’s got you wet at the mere sight of him. The glide of your chemise and dress on your raw ass cheeks has been a tender and delicious reminder all morning.

And no one needs to know that the cute silky lilac ribbon tied around your neck, dainty sweet, is actually there concealing fingertip bruises, churning to the colour of ripe mulberries.

“How well your bride looks. Does she not? Tsarevich?” The Countess beams at Paul. “All this wedding joy has cast such a lovely glow to her expression.”

“It has indeed. May I please request that you impart even more of it onto her. It becomes her quite dearly.” Paul charms.

“Radiant and pretty as ever.” He added. Overloading you with sickly sugar words. Churning honey off his silver tongue.

He’d said that this morning too. How pretty you look. Especially with his hand viced around your throat, til eyes fluttered, and you nearly passed out.

Catherine looks like she wants to roll her eyes back in her head and come back when this conversation has shifted elsewhere.

“I was warned by my mother that flattery was the infantry of negotiation.” You narrow your eyes playfully. Nothing slips you by. You’re too sharp to let it.

“As a military man, I do have much appreciation for such a diplomatic resource. Gets us out a lot of scrapes.” He explains.

“What cheek.” You surmise.

“Paul.” Catherine bites in her usual tone she reserved for him.

“I would make my goodbyes to your fiancée were I you. For soon we’re going to steal her away and lock her out your sight, until you’re walking to that altar.”

“And I believe, the men of court have planned a similar merry making event in your bachelor celebration.” She tilts her head and rakes her sherry eyes over Minister Panin. In the way she does that drags and curdles blood if anyone dares disagree.

The Minister leaps to words. “Of course. Empress.”

“Get to it. We have the dressmakers final fitting in half an hour, petal.” Catherine waves her hands at you. A warning.

She drifts away as does the Countess. Just enough edge to her sandpaper words to incite action.

Paul strides closer. Plucks a white sweet pea from out the table arrangement vases, and hands it over to you in offering.

“To match that bloom in your cheeks. Though it can seldom be rivalled by anything sweeter.” He smiles. Perhaps giddy. Totally enraptured by you, that was for sure.

Like he’s some stupid peasant boy gifting the girl he’s wooing, a simple picked flower. It’s actually quite fucking sweet of him. Simple things sometimes.

You pluck it out his hand, lift it up to inhale the sickle sweetness off its giving petals.

“You quote a sonnet at me, my love, I will have to go and be sick in the closest corner.” You warn with flirt traced on your lips.

He smiles back. It’s all doe eyed flirt. “Shall I compare thee to a summers day?”

“Don’t you fucking dare.” You threaten nicely.

“Look like the innocent flower, But be the serpent under.” He decided instead.

“Much more me, you have to concede.” You state.

You step closer and lean across to peck a sweet kiss on his cheek. Such paltry stuffy affection, but it’s all you can show at present.

His chest bounces with a sudden intake of air. That darkly lustful hunger seizing his eyes. You’re the same. One whiff of his shaving foam cologne and the gut clenching nearness, and you feel slick as ever between your legs.

“I shall see you at the altar then.” You decide when you pull back. Twiddling the flower between your fingertips. Swirling the petals.

Oh no you fucking won’t.

You imperceptibly jerk your head to the doors leading back to the royal chambers. Your eyes flick across and then back to him so suavely it’s like butter wouldn’t even dare melt on your tongue.

“You will.” He answers. Following your gesture.

“Good day. Gentleman.” You say loudly. Turning to his companions. Inclining your head to them. And then him.

“Tsarevich.” You smirk. Running the flower petals across your lips. Saying his full title like a sultry purr like some empty headed courtesan. All wide open legs and easiness.

You twirl on your heel and crossing away to another part of the room.

He watches the delicious drag of your blue skirts sweep the polished floors. All those silken vines laid on cobalt, crowded with plump pink roses on your bodice. The teasing slip of your perfume leaving notes of peaches and orchid musk in your wake. The way your coiled hair lays down the back of your neck. Bounces when you glide away.

“Darya.” You call out to your maid.

She stands to attention with a nodded bob of her linen clothed head. Hands folded serenely behind her back. Walnut eyes whip to you.

“Perhaps some tea in my rooms before the dressmaker comes.” You request.

“Yes my Lady.” And she scurries away to do your bidding. You walk across the room and busy yourself talking to another group of maidens about the flowers.

Paul turns and drifts back to the men accompanying him. Minister Panin says how well you look with the upcoming joy of the nuptials. You sparkle with it. Paul agrees.

They walk along and discuss more treaties and the current state of the affairs in Kyrol.

You watch from the corners of your eyes as him and his entourage leave the room. You smirk.

Leaving it a few moments as you gaze at said buckets of flowers before you decide to depart the room also. Darya returns from laying the tray of tea in your chambers.

“Please inform the Empress I will be on time for the dressmaker.” You beam as you sway to the doors.

She steps to scamper after you. You call back without turning around.

“Unaccompanied, Darya. Go and have some cake or something.” Waft of your hand. You instruct her. Knowing full well you just left her floundering in what to do next.

She notices there’s definitely a sway in your step as you stride away, and out along the echoing gilded halls. She goes and finds something else to do. Keep busy.

You step one foot through the doors leading to the royal chambers. And suddenly arms are snatching you around the waist.

Tugged out the doorway and off path into the snug concealed by the edge of the doors.

“Oh you fucker-“ Is the gasped outburst he’s torn from you in surprise. You told him to go wait for you. You didn’t know he was going to pounce.

“Such an elegant mouth.” He croons. Before kissing you like he’s not taken any single ounce of air since he saw you last.

He walks you back in quick step, shoves your hips painfully up against a table. Clatters the candlesticks stood on it. Hands on your bodice. Smoothing your silk back. Plump lips sweet and hot, seeking yours.

Smothered to him in a hungry slamming kiss. Messy sloppy. When you break away with a moan and the parting sound of wet meeting lips.

“I have a dagger in my garter, careful sneaking up on me, or else I’ll use it.” You threaten with a silky purr.

He paws your ass over your blue skirts crudely to make you squeak.

“I am more than aware of your dangerous inclinations. Should you like to plunge it into my back or my heart, beloved?“ He offers. Eyeing up your lush mouth again. The long doe flick of those carob colour lashes. Fuck, he’s pretty.

You smirk, sharp like rose thorns, all angles and gleaming. You’re so terrifyingly beautiful. So Russian in that regard. You like when others think you dangerous - it means they have grasped the right impression of you.

“Throat. Dear heart. I always, always, go for the throat.” You whisper all flirtily as you lean in and kiss the corner of his pouting mouth.

He finds your mouth again with his. It didn’t take more than a nudge and he’s on you. You whine into his mouth. You wrap your hand around his back. The table scrapes against the floor with a loud scuff. His hips rut to yours.

“Any chance we’ll be caught? What of your guards?” You ask. Desperately gulping for air as he kisses your neck and makes your toes curl in your beautiful shoes.

“Dismissed.” He sighs into a kiss under your ear.

“So you have a few moments?” You seek.

“Yes. Why?” He grunts.

“Because you’re going to spend them inside me.” You fist the front of his jacket and medals bite your palm. You snag your lower lip between your teeth in a positively filthy grin.

You yank him, stumble him in his shiny boots, to an even more discreet corner. Hidden by large waterfalls of draperies. Shadows drawn in baroque arches from the side of a great branching candelabra.

You claw your your skirts into gathered silk fistfuls. Bunched in your hands. Face the grazing threads of the tapestry clad wall. Arch your back. Jut your hips. Pussy just throbbing for the bliss of his touch.

He pasted his body to you, enclosed, and his hand snuck under your skirts. Lips perched at the shell of your ear. He hums all pleased when he finds you sticky wet. Silky and slipping over his fingers. Plump lips grazed between his fingertips.

“Are you still sore from our session last night?” He cooed all low. Cupping you crudely, and enjoying the way you tipped your head back. Pushing into his hand for more.

Your hair catching in his lips. He kisses your neck so sweetly. It belies the way he’s grabbing at your cunt like you’re some common street wench he’d pay pennies for.

That little split of pain - you’re such a drooling whore for it and he certainly knows how to give it. Knows when to knock his hips rougher and truly start to rearrange your guts. Knows when his words need to come out nastier, when he needs to grab and spank, and when to still his hand.

Paul rips at the falls of his own breeches. Messed up all those neat gold buttons. Theres your good toy soldier.

There’s the wonderful sting where he palms your ass as he crushes right up to you. His cock finding purchase to slide into your cunt with one breaching snap of his hips. You whine. He sighs. Your fingernails dig into the threaded wall. Snag on the fabric.

God, your pussy is gorgeous. Like wet velvet or warm satin. Or silky creamy peaches and butter sunshine. All good glorious things when he pushes deep into you.

“Fuck, my love, you’re incredible. You feel incredible. Holy god.”

“Don’t let the Patriarch hear you. He’ll have you in that chapel on your knees til you’re black and blue.” You sigh smartly.

Your hand reaches between you to rub slow pressing circles on your swelling clit. It makes his thrusts come harder because you’re throbbing tighter, fist tight, around the girthy drive of him.

“I can’t wait two days. Can’t fucking wait that long to have you again.” He babbles. Cuntstruck by you already.

You huff a laugh. “Mmm. Give me that over a dry sonnet any day.” You plead.

“I can’t go long without you. I walk through my day listening to treatises and proclamations. Yet all I can concentrate on is how you taste, and kiss, and, ugh fuck, how I just want to pin you to the bed with your ankles behind your ears...” He growls with a particularly knocking thrust that makes stars skip on your skin and your belly.

His praise and need cracked a heat over your throbbing hard nipples. Nestled in your stays, swaying and chafing when he fucks.

He tore a shocked gasp right out your mouth when he starts even harder punching thrusts and then bites your neck. Hard.

“More marks a ribbon can’t hide, hmm?” You remark archly. Turning your head to the side. Coaxing out that spit of spoilt fire you adore.

He pulls back and sees the purple-red of blood rushing into the crescents of his teeth marks, welted deep in your skin.

“They’ll look beautiful on our wedding day.” He huffs against your ear.

“Fucker-“ you grin and tip your head back and a loud, a too loud, moan, slid out your throat before you could stop it. Ran away from you.

It haunts the room. Haunts you. Echoing. Humiliating you with mocking. He makes you produce noises like an unbidden harlot.

Paul slams a hand over your mouth. Wet lips kissing your ear as he speaks. “Keep rubbing your cunt. I may not have the time I want to fuck you endlessly. But you will cum over my cock and be thankful for it. Do you hear me?”

Oh you could kiss him.

You nod like a demon is gripping your glass bones and you’ll shatter with it soon.

He felt how those words made you clutch down on him. Pussy choking his cock. Like you never wanted to let him leave.

Swallow him up and keep going til you have all of him. Sinking. Despair. A man whose love struck and who cannot ignore the ocean even as it’s drowning him alive. You are too knotted in everything. Tangled and twisted up inside him with that vital string.

He takes you fast and hard and he doesn’t let up for even a damn second. Perfect boy, he knows exactly what you needed.

Your little gasping cries. His grunts. The smack of hips and skin. The clutch of his palm on your handful hip. The dainty clack of your shoes on the floors. Unable to think about anything but chasing that fiery gut punch of pleasure.

“You like it when I give you orders…hmm” He huffs out suddenly. A statement as opposed to a question. Spoilt mouth at your jawbone. He takes his hand from your mouth to require an answer.

“Only sometimes.” You reply. Mouth slipping into an oval shape. Browns drawn. Searing liquid heat slaps and sloshes low in your gut. Spilling from you and dripping along his cock.

He pierced you so deep it’s like he’s prodding at the back of your throat. Prick of tears is looming in your eyes from this feral fuck.

“You love it when I say nasty filth as I fuck you deep? About how I want to to tie your hands to my bedposts, like a tamed wild thing, keep you edged for hours til you beg to finally cum. To rut you like I loathe you.”

As he whispers to you, his hand drifts and joins yours over your clit. He urges your hand out the way and gives your soaking pussy an open handed tap, that leaves you reeling. Clit stinging.

Your animalistic moan eats into his palm all slippery. Your eyes flutter in your head.

“Or is it you prefer my sweetness? How I would drag you to the edge of the bed, and feast on your cunt for days? Lick you so slow and tender, digging my tongue in you, call you by loving names, hold your thighs open and eat, until you flood my mouth.”

Another moan of yours sinks into his hand. It’s over your mouth once more. It sounds suspiciously like the warbled shape of his name. He tempers you with another little slap that makes you lurch.

He hums against your neck as pleasure begins to bend, and dip, and take him too. Drawing the same opium daze out of him. The ludicrously loud wet squelch of your cunt is signifying your climax is bearing down fast, also.

He buries his mouth in your shoulder as his strokes get harder and faster. Crumpling your body into the wall before you both. Strands of thread plucking under your nails. White knuckles. Drooling in his hand.

He’s cursing, spewing out filthy whispers and groans, because you get so crushing tight when you’re about to cum. Doesn’t relinquish his hand clamped on your mouth. Nor your clit. He’s pinching it and rolling under fingertips and you’re going mindless. Brain wiping out.

“Yes my love. That’s it. That’s it- fuck.” He pants as he feels you spasm and snap down on him.

Scream bitten in his palm. Spurt of your release slicking his cock, rolling down the tight sac of his balls too. He pounds even harder to chase his own release, and tears bite the corner of your eyes. Cock piercing somewhere so deep inside you it’s fiery bliss. Punching a spot that just makes your whole gut melt.

He sinks deep and thrusts hard. Fucking the hard beast of his orgasm so far inside you. You’re held up, back pasted to his chest as you’re licked entirely in sweat and sagging to the wall with a blissed out sigh. Muggy wet across his palm. Cries melt into his skin.

Your nails bite into his coated arm. The other snagging the tapestry. He takes his hand away and his lips retrace your ear. Indulging himself in the last few spasms of your climax as it fizzes away. Slowly dripping the evidence of the encounter down the insides of your thighs, and his.

“Fuck me-“ You rasp out. Voice still laced with pleasure. Airy and dancing on a laugh too. An unbelievable one. He loves it when you go all gooey and soft. It’s so unlike your usual hard as steel state.

“There’s not going to be a room in this palace we’re going to leave unsullied is there?” He asks you.

“I highly doubt it.” You preen. Lower lip caught between your teeth as he finished petting gentle circles around your clit. Cupping your whole peachy shape in his hand. The short fuzz of your curls nestling against the arc of his palm.

“Now I really feel like I should be in church. On my knees. Praying our shared sins away to the Patriarch.” He said. Ghosting his plump lips down your ear.

“You’ll need to be on your knees for eternity for marrying the likes of me.”

“I don’t plan on atoning for anything regarding you. Tsarevna.” He insists as he scoops you in.

Kisses you once before he pulls back. You fight to right your clothes. Feeling him slip further and further down your legs. You fix your skirts. He rights his breeches. And hastily does up all those buttons.

“Enjoy your stag merrymaking.” You offer with a sly grin. “Try not to get carried away with your rutting in those remaining hours of singledom.” You tease, with flirt skated on your voice.

You thumb the corner of his mouth where he’s all spit wet. Looking at you like you’re every sort of devilish temptation he’s been warned to resist.

“Although if you share this gorgeous cock with any of those painted whores. I will have to punish you.” You sharpen your already pointed eyes at him.

“I think my sore head tomorrow will be punishment enough.” He skims his hands over your back. Settling in the slope of you there.

“Good boy.” You wrinkle his coat where you grab it in a fist and drag him in for a kiss. Devouring and sloppy kiss that makes sparks shoot to your knees and throb your veins.

When you’re done with him you rudely pull away and he stumbles. Kiss drunk. It makes you grin.

You slink away. A long straight walk along the corridor, aiming in the direction of your rooms. Best you snap to action before his mother sends someone to root you out.

He watches every step as you leave him aching, heart pounding war drums in his chest for more, blood fired. He wants you again as he admires the sway of your hips that was definitely deliberate.

“I do so enjoy the length of these hallways.” He calls in flirt after you.

You cross your hands behind your back and turn over your shoulder and smoulder at him.

“Careful. Tsarevich. I’m a taken woman.” You purr at him. Laughing as you glide away. Biting your lip.

“So I’ve heard.” He calls at your retreat.

~

He’s so drunk. He’s so beyond drunk he doesn’t think he’s ever felt a sensation like this before. Such a loss of faculties and control.

His head is swimming. A whirling drag that doesn’t keep up where he moves. When he turns his eyes it’s all blurred distortion.

Gorky kept pressing drinks to his hands. Abramov made rousing toast after toast which ended in all the men breaking into jeers, and slamming their emptied vodka glasses on the floor to the tune of his name.

The room is spinning endlessly. There’s bawdy chorus singing of a lewd folk song. The painted whores and their shrill laughter raising to brush the gold ceiling. He watched Count Orlov across the room perch one on his knee. Her dress was petal pink. Undone at the low bodice. Lips cherry red. He stuffed his hand up her skirts as she nibbled on his ear.

They kept smirking at him all night. The ladies. Some of them draped themselves across his lap. He shuffled away and the men roared laughter.

“Saving yourself for that firecracker of a Voronsky you’ve won?” Lord Petrova asks, slurring.

Paul won’t say that actually, yes, it’s something along those lines. He drinks til there’s nothing left in his glass.

“Enjoy the warm cunt of that plump Italian whore before you’re shackled to that fiesty bitch.” He barks out. Paul eyes him tiredly.

“Fetch me another drink, why don’t you.” Paul requested. Shoving his glass at the foul mouthed lord.

“That thing between your Tsarevna’s legs probably bites.” The man claps his shoulder and cackles as he walks away. Stopping to place an open handed slap on the ass of a whore stood drinking with his fellow nobles.

Paul glares. He gets this jagged feeling of protectiveness in his gut. Wants to stroppily tell him to fuck off and that your cunt is heaven and a fat oaf like him could never be so lucky.

Some are dancing to the sharp chirp of music. The air sways with songs. All of the men are as gone on drink as he is. It’s a riot of Russian revelry.

Lord Dymov stumbled up, smirked and clasped Paul’s very unsteady hand as he poured a great shaking glug of vodka into it. Spilled half over his lap and hand.

He tips it down his neck. Warmth fizzes low in his belly. His limbs feel too small and slick and he’s aching for sleep.

And you- he does so ache after thoughts of you. He’s laying back staring at the swirled gilding on the ceiling. How it fractures into patterns; into jewels and precious swirling white and gold. Like gem studded crowns and butter yellow autumn leaves twirling off the trees.

He doesn’t realise he’s speaking, a stream of words just dribbling out his mouth of how lucky he feels, how he’s going to be married. He’s going to have a wife. He’s going to have make heirs and spares, and all of this terrifying icy Russia will be writ into his future. Just like his father before him.

Gorky comes and hauls him up. “Come on my friend. I’d say you need your bed.”

“I need my wife.” Paul slurred with a thick and fat feeling tongue.

“She’s not your wife yet.” Gorky told him. Paul slurred something, snuffled, into his shoulder Gorky didn’t catch it.

He tries to stand. It’s like a newborn deer - knock kneed and incredibly ungainly - in his nice shiny soled boots over glass shards that crunch and crack under his weight. The floor is littered with broken glass from all the toasts.

It’s early by their standards. The party will continue on without its Prince. Slings an arm around his shoulder and dips to lever him off the chaise he’s sprawled on. Wig askew. Coat all rumpled. Vodka stained hands and mouth. They trip and stagger out the hall and along to the Tsarevich’s rooms.

Gorky hauls him through the doors and clumsily drops him on the bed. Discards the wig. Yanks off his boots. Off with the coat too. Leaves him sprawled on the mattress in his shirt and breeches.

“Sweet dreams, dear groom.” He sing-songs as he slipped out the pocket doors. Paul thinks he raised his hand to wave. He can’t be sure. His arms won’t follow his brains directions anymore. There’s fluffy-stuffy cotton where his limbs once were.

He sinks into the bed. The warm, lushness of his luxury bed. Stares at the heavy drape of canopy. It’s crushing sapphire blue weighing down his vision. Drowning him like the sea would. A sea of vodka. That sounded nice. That sounded like his salty, entirely alcohol laced bloodstream at the moment.

A slow knock rams against the inside of his very muzzy head.

He tells the door to go away.

“I don’t want to be disturbed.” Comes melting out his mouth off his tongue with the slowness of hot sticky honey.

The door opens anyway. It closes. He struggled to sit up on his elbows. Slanting vision tipping all over the place shows him the stretch of the door.

And you-

Stood there in a swathing lilac dressing gown. Hair loose. Silk ribbon tied around your neck. You’re stood there looking like some sainted angel whose walked right out a stained glass window in the church.

Botticelli’s Venus climbing out her shell and the waves. Skin stroked in candlelight like a glowing Raphael. La fornarina. La velata.

Paul finds his woolly tongue. “Tsarevna.” He nods his head. Belly erupting into a tangled hot jungle of his feelings for you. The drink seems to have amplified their intensity. His heart could crawl up these very walls it crashes so loud like waves in the cage of his chest.

You look at him with a mild expression of amusement. But there’s warmth there, too. A stunning amount.

“I take it your evening was pleasant?” You ask.

He nods. Taking in the state of your gown.

“Shouldn’t you have….more on?” He asks disguising a drunken hiccup in the middle of his sentence. His voice dips with it.

When he thinks about you walking through the palace for the guards to see you like that, he wants to go and have their eyes put out with a poker.

You smirk. He watches it curl up one side of your mouth. He thinks he hears harps.

“I was just thinking about all that bachelor fun you’d be having tonight.” You say as you reach for the sides of your gown. And slowly open them. Dropping your one item of clothing to the floor.

Paul’s eyes don’t know where to rest on your entirely naked body that you’re offering up to him.

Your nipples are hard. He watches the quake of your plump thighs where you move. The c-bout of your hip to waist.

You’re walking, padding slow, big cat slow, towards the end of the bed. Predator hunger glimmers sharp in your eyes.

“I wanted to make sure that you didn’t spend all night writhing under a painted whore. When you could spend all night under me instead.” You beam brightly.

“Did I make you envious?” He asks in sheer alarm in those big brown eyes. Like he’s looking for the matching puzzle pieces.

You narrow your eyes. Tilt your head. “Maybe a little. I told you. I’m a bitch and I don’t care for sharing my husband-to-be.”

“I didn’t go near them.” He insists boldly.

“Aren’t you sweet.” You coo.

Paul’s certain his tongue has shrivelled to dust. It’s taken his brain with it. And every drop of blood in his body rushed, beating to somewhere entirely south of his head.

You stand right between his legs. Kneeling yourself onto the floor. Soft antique rug catching your knees. Trailing fingers up his thighs.

You rip open his breeches. He squirms. His lungs cease to function. It’s like he’s breathing in claggy sand.

“May I suck your cock, my darling?” You ask with a genuine panthers grin.

He actually shivers when you ruck the clothing down his hips. Freeing that gorgeous cock laying flushed with blood up against his thigh. Head already leaking for you - shiny even in the dozy gold low light.

His mouth falls open when you suck him deep into your mouth. You twirl your tongue around around the swollen pink tip like the taste of him is your favourite thing in the world. It is. You moan at the heat of him. At that taste.

You suck him deep. An obscene gargle where he jams into your mouth. You’re flushed with pride when he bucks off the bed. He cant control himself. He’s humming and squirming from that strong hungry suction.

You pull off him. Lap the head with kitten licks. Then swallow him again. Tears prick your eyes when you relax enough to nudge him right down.

You flick your eyes up at him through your lashes. Lips glossy red. Eyes vibrant and watering with each slide and glug that comes so lewdly out your mouth. Your nose brushing against the short sweat-damp curls of his groin.

He’s jammed his fingers into your pretty hair. He can’t contain himself. He’s a mess.

Laying back on this bed and just sloppily fucking his hips up into your face. Calling for god in every way he knows how. Praying and stumbling, cursing.

“Oh my love. Your mouth, you’re so- better than any whore- even better cause you’re all mine. Christ.”

You pull back off him with a pop before he can spill into you. He follows your pull back with a thrust of his hips. Looking at you with shining puppy puddles for eyes.

You grip him by the base and lick a hot stripe right up him. Collecting one last taste.

You climb onto him and straddle his waist. Run your nails right up his chest. Digging in just a little - for fun.

“I did think you might want to fuck a Voronsky. One last time.” You purr. Sitting on his thighs. Your eyes gleam, it looks wicked. Snake eyes sharp. Sly smile.

He’s definitely fucked.

~

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