#no for real how the FUCK did the formatting of this website get worse while i was away

[commanderquinn]

Good Space Chapter 5: Stuck In The Middle With You

! i dont! keep these posts! updated! like i do! ao3!

that means you're going to find typos and shit (and possibly minor detail changes) that don't match the ao3 version! that's because im not going to bother fixing the tumblr posts until i finish good space as a whole. im only uploading them here as a backup tbh

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master list / ao3 chapter link

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consistent formatting? nah. in this house we believe in Convenient Formatting 🙏 rapid fire and no flashbacks again (when they start to get Super Painful later on you’ll mourn the days when i skipped them for extra fluff) we’re Zeroed In on the nerds for another hot minute. this is what happens when you get hooked on a fic by an idiot that’s more inspired by screenwriters than authors, srry ❤️

also this chapter (and probably quite a few throughout this fic) is specifically for the babes that have had to pick themselves up from the dirt after a romantic crash. i cannot tailor this in a vague way that lets anyone picking this up have their own catharsis here, right? mega impossible to one size fits all that. but what i CAN do is use the bundle of greek myth references that is ava’s concept to tell a story about regaining personal power after a total shitass tricks you into thinking youre not completely bitchin as you are ❤️

and i guess make a bunch of canadian jokes bc those are really funny to me tbh. thank you donnatella moss for the inspiration. the best accidental moose canada ever had

anyways. sit. get comfy 😌 think of the ex you reallyreallyreally wanna stab 🥰 and then go project that exact motherfucker onto alec ❤️

—

"Put it on."

"No."

"Put. It. On."

"Nope."

"It's going to look good on you."

Bucky flicks his eyes up from the news article open on his tablet. "Yes, it would."

"Great. Your head is still gigantic post-defrosting. Good thing the one I picked comes with buttons. Leave three of them undone—"

"I know how many to leave undone." That was a misstep. He knows it the second the words leave his mouth. She's going to use it as if it's compliance. It isn't.

"And I'm sure you remember how to get your arms through the holes, too. So, let's go." Natasha repeatedly taps her hand on the kitchen table, making her rings knock against the aged wood. "Make with the wardrobe change."

"I'm not wearing that, and I'm sure as hell not going anywhere," he counters blandly.

"Yes, you are. Get up."

"Eat dirt, Romanoff. I have this thing called a will of my o—"

"So, you don't want to go?"

"Correct."

"Nothing could convince you to change your mind?"

"Absolutely not."

"Who do you think is going to be more disappointed when I repeat that at the bar, Wyatt or Ava?"

Bucky's eyes close slowly. Gently. The movement is a stark contrast to the anger swirling in him, the majority of which is aimed at himself, not the Russian seeking to ruin his life. This was so easy to spot coming. So easy. And he walked right into it.

"Have you given—" Steve attempts around a mouthful of food, cutting off when Natasha hits him in the back of the head to make him stop. He takes a moment to wash down the Coco Puffs with a gulp of fresh coffee after that. "Have you given Wyatt an autograph yet? I gave him one. Super nice guy, you'll like him."

"Why is the brain trust suddenly invited to a night out?" Bucky demands. This is a fucking trap. There is no possible way that this isn't a fucking trap.

Natasha rolls her eyes at him. "We're plying them with booze to try and keep them from suing us into the ground for inflicting you on the populace. Now shut up and go change. You're not wearing those pants."

"I'm—" He cuts himself off mid-refusal. There's not a chance, not even a fraction of a percent of one, that Ava would take offense to him not wanting to go. He's told her, on multiple occasions, that he hates getting dragged out to these things. His friends are awful, and they just do this to torture him. He's not inclined to entertain that most weeks, and Ava knows that. "I don't have any other pants aside from—"

"Yes, you do."

"I'm not wearing tux pants to a—"

"The leather ones you keep for long rides."

Bucky stops, and not because Natasha just revealed knowing another secret he hasn't told her. That shit doesn't even phase him anymore. His eyes move down to the blue button-up she's trying to force him into, his lips pursing slightly. The leather pants she's not supposed to know about are worn to hell and back at this point. Heavy weathering, a hole or two at the back of the heels, more than a few deep scratches that'll become holes if he's not overly careful. Not the kind of thing that would usually be suitable for a night out. 

That button-up is new, though. Looks expensive, too. Good quality silk. It'll look more natural on him under a jacket. Less like a significant effort and more like something he got roped into. Which is precisely what's happening.

Bucky sighs deeply, looking back up at her in resignation. "I have some ground rules."

"You're allowed to have approximately one."

He looks over at Steve in frustration. The bastard shakes his head with a cackle, a fresh scoop of Puffs halfway to his mouth. "Ooohoho, no. Nah-uh. There's a captain on deck tonight, but it is not me." He stands up, chewing quickly, a big dumb smile on his stupid face. "I'm being a good boy and following her orders."

Natasha knocks on the spot of hardwood directly in front of Bucky obnoxiously. "Name your singular rule. I still have to do my hair; hurry the hell up."

Her sass reminds him that he has to figure out what the fuck he's going to do with his hair. "I'm not dancing, for starters—"

"Great. None of us will hound you about dancing; you have my word. Go get dressed. We leave in an hour, and you'll be really embarrassed if I have to drag your unconscious body through the tower." Her eyebrows raise expectantly as she stands up, looking between him and the shirt. To add insult to injury, she taps her nails along his head on her way out of the kitchen.

Steve doesn't look over from where he's raiding the fridge for another snack. "For what it's worth, she sounded excited about the invitation."

Bucky's eyes squint suspiciously. "You invited her?"

"No, Nat did," he replies far too casually. "I was just in the room when she made the call."

"See, your fuck up here is that now I know—"

"I have information you can try to weasel out of me? Thanks, Buck, I appreciate that, seeing as I'm entirely inept when it comes to interrogation and spycraft—"

"Only for the most part. Was this your push or Nat's?"

"Are you asking to be a pest, or are you asking because you need to know?"

Bucky grinds his teeth. He can say the latter, and Steve will never know the difference. "I don't need to know, but—"

"Then fuck off." He shuts the fridge door with a gentle swing and a bright smile. "I have to go get dressed. So do you." He flicks at the bun resting against the back of Bucky's head on his way out. These fuckers are always touching him, and they don't pull the Canadian routine about it. "Should do something with your hair. It looks like it has blood on it."

It probably does. His last mission was designated complete all of twenty minutes ago, and he definitely bled through some of it. Bucky can't really tell on his end; he's still coming down from the adrenaline rush. Something Natasha used to her advantage, no doubt. 

"You fuck off," he grumbles long after Steve is out of earshot.

—

"I'm completely serious."

"No, you're panickin', ya big baby."

"I mean it."

"I'd like to go ahead and remind you that I was there when you purchased most'a your wardrobe. Both times. I think I'd know if y'didn't."

"I can't wear any of that. It's one thing when it's my space—"

"You're allowed to exist in other places, ya dweeb."

"I didn't say I wasn't allowed. Just that...." Ava trails off, her nerves finally catching up to her. The argument had felt like a funny joke when she poked her head through the doorway to start it. Now it's not feeling so funny anymore. Paige is doing that awful, shitty thing where she makes sense. Leaning against the frame and glancing down at the master bedroom's carpet, Ava feels small. "I don't know. The stuff I wear to conferences is too—prim. Most of it's ballroom shit and wouldn't work, anyways. All of my usual go-to's just... It all feels... stupid."

The energy drink chugging champion that is her best friend props herself up on her elbows where she's laid out on her bed. The headband she's wearing has two miniature alien heads poking up from it that wiggle with the motion. "Well, hey there, Alec. Long time no see, ya son of a—"

"Yeah, yeah," Ava waves her hand dismissively. The reminder does knock some of the pity party out of her, at least. There was a time when she made decisions for herself and herself alone. Those were damn good years, and Ava is trying like hell to get back into the mindset. The one she proudly lived in before she let someone talk her into being ashamed of who she is. "Let my freak flag fly, whatever. I still don't have anything to wear." Nothing that doesn't feel crushingly laughable, anyways.

"What about that lace skirt you've got, the one with the swirly patterns? That one's so cute."

Ava frowns. She's not looking to get squished in hosiery tonight, which would be the only way to save herself in something that short. "For dancing?"

"Mmm. That's, ya know, that ain't a bad point. It ain't exactly built for the breeze." Paige tilts her head to the side, making the aliens go wild. Her face pinches like she's brainstorming. Then her eyes go wide with excitement. "Oh! Wear that—the, the thing!"

"Gonna need more to go on." She snaps her fingers as Paige smacks at her own bedspread.

"The wrap dress!"

"You're out of your mind," Ava laughingly insists. Now that she's caught up to her best friend's train of thought, she's almost startled. "That's—first of all, I think it's technically a sun dress—"

"Who gives a shit? Ya look great in it."

"I look—that's beside the point. It... it's not too...?"

"Too...?"

"Shit, I don't know." She folds her arms over her chest and chews her lip for a few seconds. "What do I wear with it?"

"Nothin' but heels." The smirk on Paige's face is devious.

"You know what else isn't built for the breeze? Me. I'm not looking to flash the Avengers tonight, thanks." The words make her instantly think of Bucky, shamefully enough. He's not even going to be there tonight. She's absolutely sure of it. He's told her how much it takes to convince him to go out these days.

The manic pixie rolls her eyes. "Alright. The dress, the heels, and somethin' stringy."

"How about a jacket?" Ava reasons, already turning to go back to Paige's guest room, the one that's been unofficially hers for years.

"Pick one that's sheer, ya chickenshit," she shouts down the hallway behind her.

"That's a lot of sass coming from the woman who can't look America's Sweetheart in the eye!" 

"You'll thank me when you don't wake up here!"

Ava gets hit with the mental reminder that a certain sergeant has been threatening to fly her home for over a week. She hip-bumps her unofficial door closed with a huff. 

Bucky's not going to show up tonight. 

Even if he was, the man's a serial flirt, and she's his—the primary neurosurgeon on his case. Not-flirting through his appointments has been…. She's been trying to think of it as a bedside manner. A very unprofessional bedside manner. The kind she wouldn't have the balls to admit to out loud.

Natasha didn't mention him directly during the invitation call, only his case. All she said was that the whole team was welcome, including the duct rat, Findley. No mention of other attendants. It would have been brought up if he were going to be there; Ava's sure of that. 

Natasha did mention getting Paige home on time, which was suspicious. Tomorrow is the engineer's first mission assigned to the Avengers as support, sure, but they don't seem like the type to need a pre-check. Ava's only seen a handful of SHEILD agents listed in the medical reports from Bucky's missions, and he never mentions any of them directly. She's always gotten the impression that assigned agents are an unknown hand in that machine.

If Steve ends up tagging along, she'll have her suspicions about the Russian's intent with this whole thing. She might have an ally in the fight to push her best friend that she didn't know about. 

Maybe she'll go to the tower after Paige is home safe. Ava's brought up the idea of switching to night appointments before, and she doubts Bucky would say no to a quick ten minutes on the roof. He might even stay for a while without having the excuse of leaving her to her work. 

She could pick up some late-night bagels to bribe him with. Her favorite shop closes early, but they work til midnight sometimes just for the baking process. Ava does the yearly medical work for the owner and his family without charging him. In return, he lets her sneak in after hours for cream cheese and salmon. With that and a quick stop to her office for a handful of lollipops, she's got herself some super soldier bait. 

She might not even stop to change back out of the dress. She'll grab the lab coat, though. Bucky looks more at ease whenever she has it on.

—

He wants to leave already.

It's been eighteen seconds since they coraled him through the front door. He's very proud of himself. He didn't think he'd make it to half that before the urge hit.

Bucky looks around the crowded bar with the sourest face he can muster. It's loud, it's cramped, it's loud, he's already hot enough to know he'll be sweating at some point, and it's too fucking loud. The checkpoint out front is a disaster. He's not real clear on what the standards for a bar security chief are, but that pick-up artist with the handheld, battery-powered metal detector out front doesn't fit his definition of competent. Not by a long shot.

The Avengers haven't rolled out with the full roster tonight. Tony, mercifully, is away with Pepper, Barton fucks off to god knows where, and Rhodey's as much of a workaholic as Bucky is. He tries not to think about where Thor goes. That particular can of worms is pretty full. He's still trying to get used to the fact that they've got a Quinjet that can just go to space. Whenever he—they want.

The ones that did come don't give him any shit when he breaks off to do his walk-about. They all figured out pretty early on that it's a sensitive subject. Bruce doesn't even notice him leave half the time. Steve used to do a piss-poor job of inconspicuously following him back when Bucky was primarily non-verbal. Natasha never mentions it.

The building is two stories. There's a halfway decent camera set-up that he can tap into through the wifi. No windows in the bathrooms. The roof access isn't wired with an alarm. All the emergency exits are, though. The owner's room was locked before Bucky got to it, but the staff areas are open to whoever turns a handle. They've got a round of code inspections coming up at the start of next month. They'll fail at least two of them if they don't unblock that rear door.

Sam silently checks in with an offered fist bump once he's back at the table eight minutes later. Bucky doesn't hesitate to reciprocate it. There's already a half glass of whiskey sitting on the table waiting for him. He doesn't hesitate to get his mitts on that, either.

Wyatt and Hannah show up before Ava and Paige do. It's the first time Bucky's been faced with meeting them since Ava offered that one time. She never pushed it after that. He's been meaning to get around to it. But the idea has been making his teeth buzz too much to go through with it.

Hannah is laser-focused on him from the start. She's just as conscious of it as he is, then. He can tell the moment that the realization hits Wyatt. His eyes widen with a flash of concern, his burly frame curling in on itself as if that'll make six feet of muscle look less threatening. It's almost heartwarming that he's worried about looking threatening to Bucky, of all people. The anxiety on the kid's face gets swallowed up by excitement. Seconds later, another wave of anxiety surfaces. It teeters back and forth as Hannah pushes him up to the table through the crowd.

Bucky watched Atlantis the other night after one of his nightmares took away any chance of falling back to sleep. It saved him from having to wake Steve up for a trip to the supply store. He texted Ava about it once he spotted the sun through the small gap in his blackout curtains; she was thrilled. Seeing the baby-faced brain surgeon nervously approach the table makes him understand why she compares him to Milo, not Dr. Sweet. 

Bucky's not looking to be the aggressive silent type anymore. At least not when it comes to the people working their asses off for him. He reaches out with his flesh hand, giving a reassuring half-smile to Wyatt. "Good to finally meet you, Combs."

The grin that stretches across the doctor's face looks wide enough to hurt. A stubby hand reaches out across the table for an enthusiastic shake. "It's an honor to meet you, Sergeant Barnes."

"I'll sign that journal Ava's warned me about if you promise to call me Bucky," he bribes, taking his hand back for another sip of whiskey.

"Y'mean it?" He's already headed for his patch-covered messenger bag with a hopeful look on his face. "I can use whatever makes ya comfortable. I'm not gonna make ya sign—"

"Hand it over." He glances over to where Hannah is sitting down across from Bruce. They trade an amicable nod when she makes direct eye contact again. "It's good to meet you, as well, Schuster."

"Barnes." He hears the sound of a boot being kicked under the table and watches Wyatt glare at the side of her head. She gives Bucky a strained smile. He's got a feeling it's usually strained. "Likewise."

Bucky likes her already.

As Ava warned, it doesn't take long for Wyatt to start asking about maps. He's bombarded with questions the moment he hands the journal back, with a fresh, chicken-scratch signature on one of its pages. The kid has a lot of trouble picking one at a time, and Bucky's trying not to shorten his answers out of habit. 

He keeps a mental list of the information Wyatt's most interested in. A year ago, he would have done it out of ingrained habit. Tonight it's a deliberate choice. Bucky can get his hands on records the Combs family doesn't know about. The kind they can't make a legal request for because there's no official log of it.

Ava and Paige are the last to arrive. He's too busy trying to give Wyatt more stories when they walk through the door to spot them. Steve is the first to notice their entrance, pausing mid-sentence about a mission the Howlies went on that Bucky barely remembers. Looking away from Wyatt's face, he understands why his best friend froze up. 

Good fucking god almighty. She's trying to kill him.

The doctor that haunts Bucky's dreams is walking through the crowded bar in an outfit that should be triggering the tactical analysis in his head. The analysis that, lately, only ends when his mind catches up to the fact that he shouldn't be thinking about being balls-deep in her while trying to make eye contact. It's probably—definitely inappropriate. But something about the thin, light blue fabric of her dress is shorting him the fuck out. 

It's low-cut, which is the first strike. The second is the way that split up her right leg only stops when it reaches the top of her thigh. The third—the one that really knocks him flat on his ass—is the way the whole thing is pulled in to show off her hips. The ones he'd have a lot of trouble letting go of if she ever let him put his hands on her to begin with.

He roughly swallows around nothing but air. His eyes shoot up to Ava's face, desperate to stave off his bastard mind latching onto her outfit. The last thing he needs in his head right now is a full-scale plan for laying her out on the table to unwrap that thing like a present. She's smiling at him, genuine surprise shaping most of her expression. God willing, it's about his presence here, not where his eyes were a second ago.

"They let you out of the house now?" she sasses him over the roar of the bar. Her hand folds into a fist and props high on her hip as she stops at the table's edge, her other arm linked with her best friend's.

Bucky is so fucking hopeless for her. "Yes, ma'am. But only if I get enough green stickers that week."

"In that case, thanks for behaving. I didn't think you'd be here tonight." That smile of hers is still bright as the sun. Still aimed at him. Christ, he's never been happier about Natasha ruining his life. "I'm pleasantly surprised around you, for once."

Gimmie half a chance, and I can show you every kind of pleasant surprise there is. 

If this were 1943, he'd still have the balls to say it to her. It'd be suicide to say it around his idiot friends, but he was a dumbass who wouldn't have hesitated back then. Not with someone like her. 

It's probably a good thing it's not still 1943. "If I make all the surprises annoy you, you'll tell me to stop. I have to keep you on your toes, or you'll get bored."

One of her eyebrows raises at him, entirely unimpressed. It makes him want to hold her hand. "You do understand how cool my job is, right? You're also a literal cyborg I get to poke at whenever I feel like telling you it's medically necessary. What part of that am I supposed to get bored with, sergeant?"

Bucky folds with a shy chuckle, bringing up his glass of whiskey to hide his mouth behind. "You get used to the shiny parts."

"I'm sure he'll let you add more when he busts his ass again," Sam jokes from off to Ava's left. He's staring at Bucky with an overly satisfied grin. It makes him glare over his whiskey while Ava and Paige sit down.

"Sorry we're late," Paige says, her eyes moving to Steve and her cheeks turning slightly pink. "Gettin' through Bronx traffic is always fun."

"Ordered Ryder's usual," Hannah mentions, pointing to a tall glass of ale the waiter dropped off while he wasn't looking. "Didn't know what you were in the mood for."

"Somethin' fizzy." She rhythmically taps her mismatched nails on the table, humming to herself while she glances over the drink menu. "Or maybe somethin' icey."

"I went the margarita route if you wanna go halfsies tonight," Wyatt offers, nudging his frosted glass over to her. Paige perks up and leans over for a sip.

He looks over at Steve, who's watching the interaction with the sappiest smile. It nearly makes his eyes roll. Natasha and Sam sniffed out the captain's big crush a long time ago, but it's the first time Bucky's seeing it for himself.

Neither one of them has learned a goddamn thing. Not in a hundred years.

A much more gentle nail taps right in front of his arm, dragging his eyes back to Ava while she gets herself seated. "What made you decide to come?" 

She would hit him with a question that blunt right off the bat. He tries not to notice Sam's silent laughter next to her. 

"Heard the egg heads were making an appearance," he decides to be mostly honest with.

The pleased smile on her face takes on a softer edge. She really hadn't been expecting him to show. It makes him all the more glad that he listened to Natasha. "We convinced you?"

You did. "You're surprised? I'm not about to put in the effort for these assholes."

"He only does that for our birthdays," Sam tells her, leaning into her space slyly. 

Bucky holds out his hands, mildly insulted. "And bank holidays."

Ava turns her head to offer her hand to Sam with a warm giggle. She looks so fucking good in the low bar light. With her neck muscles stretched like that, Bucky wants to kiss under her jaw just to see her reaction. "I've been hoping we'd meet again under better circumstances. Ava Ryder."

Sam barks a laugh, wrapping his hand around hers. "I'd say watchin' you hand Steve his own ass was great circumstance."

"Well thanks," Steve interjects, flipping him off before going back to drawing on a napkin with Paige.

The comment, and the gesture, gets ignored entirely. "Sam Wilson, but you can call me your favorite Avenger."

Bucky almost rolls his eyes again. Watching Ava's giggles get worse stops the urge.

—

She was wrong.

He came out tonight. To a bar. To spend time with them.

Ava takes another drink of her ale, watching the Winter Soldier over the rim of her glass. Wearing a dress that could unwind from her with a few strategic yanks on a couple pieces of string. And heels that could have paid a month of her first apartment's rent. In a New York bar.

If her parents could see her now, they'd croak.

Bucky is so goddamn attractive in his dark leather jacket that it's un-fucking-real. The bastard looks softer with his hair down like that, and there's chest hair peaking out from that button-up he's left open to a torturous degree. It keeps distracting her every time he turns to say something to Steve. His hand is the only shiny part on display at the moment. 

The glory tales from Steve don't do the heartstopping aura justice. The fact that Bucky has had the nerve to lie—to her face no less—and say they're blown out of proportion makes her seethe sitting across from him now. No wonder he was prolific; how the hell could he not be with a face like that and the attitude to back it. Now that he's not in a professional headspace, the latter is coming out in spades. The super serum body is a mouthwatering, climbable bonus.

This is the man that keeps threatening to fly her home.

Ava takes a longer drink.

She hasn't been this in over her head since college. The familiar knee-jerk reaction of bullying him is the only thing that doesn't feel petrifying. Bucky is the last person that would make her feel unsafe, but good god, the man is intimidating. Trying to find something to say to him that isn't a joke is a lot harder than usual, with him looking that good.

Paige tuned out the moment Steve gave her meticulously outlined boxes to doodle in on an unfolded napkin. He's been adding detailed frames to them ever since while the two trade work stories. It makes Ava jealous. Her best friend might be oblivious, but at least she's not the one tongue-tied tonight.

Knocking her knees together under the table, Ava leans forward and tries another round of facing down the sergeant. "Worth the trip so far?"

Way to go, moron. Pressure him, why don't you? Of course he's having a good time; he wouldn't still be sitting here if he—

Bucky smiles at her, calming her nerves without even trying. "Every second." He looks down at the glass in her hand, then back up at her face. "You havin' fun, doc?"

She misses hearing him call her doll. It's starting to feel like maybe it was an accident the handful of times it happened. He hasn't done it in days. "Unlike you, I enjoy human interaction. Plus, the hippie thing makes me partial to loud noises." And sweat. And weed to make the loud noises sound better. And men with long hair and deep voices that would sound—

"I don't mind human interaction," he argues, folding his arms on the table and leaning over with her. "I'm just picky about the people I interact with."

"Awww," Paige coos at her side. "And we made the cut? I'm honored."

"You should be," Steve confirms with a smirk, his eyes never leaving the napkin under his hand. "He's not exaggerating."

"That's unusual for him," Ava jumps on Bucky with. She regrets it right up until he snorts and briefly covers his mouth with his hand. It's a real fuck up on his end; she takes it as an all-clear to do it to him again at her leisure. "The only people I've met with bigger heads are cardiologists."

"That's the second time you've brought them up," Bucky notes. She honestly can't remember the first, but it sounds accurate. They're fun to mock.

"Nice deflection, superstar." His eyes widen a fraction at her teasing, boosting her confidence. "Have you had the displeasure of meeting one? I'm allowed to be mean to them as a neurologist, by the way. Secret doctor pecking order and whatnot."

"If I have, I probably don't want to remember," he deadpans. Steve gives him a dirty look, but it makes Ava snort. The smug look Bucky gives her in return makes her stomach flip. "I wanna hear more about this secret doctor pecking order. How far up that chain are you?"

"I don't know, man. How far up is your brain?" 

Bucky's eyes shut in pain, and he smiles. "It's so hard to be proud of your ego when your awful puns surround it."

"You'll manage," she assures in a supportive tone. 

A low whistle drags Ava's eyes to one end of the table, where Natasha is getting up. "I'm going dancing. It's up to you losers who's coming."

A majority of the table, including most of Ava's team, moves to follow. She doesn't. Bruce and Hannah don't, continuing their discussion on a medical journal he read that morning. Bucky doesn't leave either.

He watches Ava as Paige leans over to kiss the top of her head. She's pretty sure he watches her all through their short yes, I'll watch your bag check-in. He's still watching her when she looks back at him, slowly circling his glass to make the whiskey inside it swirl.

"Not a fan of dancing?" he finally asks.

"I like dancing," Ava confirms. "I just like picking on you more." The words feel outrageously bold for how innocuous they are. It's the truth, but she feels a little stupid for saying it out loud. Whatever, if it means spending the night out with him, that's fine—

Bucky puts down his glass, a determined set to his posture. "Dance with me."

Her jaw almost drops. She doesn't catch her nervous burst of laughter in time to stop it. "I—what? You? Bucky Barnes, mister touch me and die himself wants to—"

"I let you touch me all the time." The tone he uses for the blatant—

Christ, is she ever in over her head.

She ignores his flirting like a coward, racing to hide behind professionalism as fast as her mouth can get her there. "The funny thing about that is I have your willing participation—"

"You've got my willing participation for this, too." He sounds like he means it, which is the worst part. It makes it impossible to bring herself to tell him no.

She hesitates one last time, primarily out of fear of embarrassing herself. "You're sure you want to dance?"

"With you?" Bucky stands up, allowing her to see the well-worn leather sitting low enough on his hips to turn her into a bigger wreck. "Yeah, doll. I'm sure."

Hannah leans over to slide the bag Paige left behind across the table, closer to her. She doesn't bother to stop talking. Bruce is smiling from ear to ear, stealing glances at her and Bucky. He's doing a terrible job of hiding it. 

Standing up on nervous feet, Ava watches Bucky circle the table. He offers up his flesh hand when he approaches her, his signature Brooklyn smirk on his face. "Ready?"

Fuck no. She slides her hand into his, breathing deeply when he squeezes her fingers. "I really hope someone's given you the memo on modern dancing because I have no idea what the hell you people did in the 30s." 

"I'm sure you'll help me figure it out." He's sounding more confident with every word, and it's scaring the absolute shit out of her. 

It's innocent at the start. Bucky's a perfect gentleman leading her through the crowd. He spins slowly to face her when he finds them a wide enough space, pulling her in close. The pressure of his fingers is barely there when his metallic hand moves to her lower back. Ava brings both her hands up to his chest when he lets go of one of them. 

"You'll tell me if you're uncomfortable, right?" she checks again, stretching up as close to him as she can. There's no way he has trouble hearing her over the music, but she doesn't remember that until she's all but hanging off him. It makes her cheeks feel warm.

His flesh hand moves over her hip, resting on it gently. Bucky leans down and turns his head in, getting right up to her ear. He's already starting to guide the direction of her half-hearted movements. "I will. You gonna do the same?"

"I will," she promises. Mirroring his words is the only thing her brain can come up with, given how unfairly good he smells. It's obliterating every train of thought she has. 

It is… terrifyingly easy to let herself go in his arms. The movement of her hips gets more involved, following the tempo of the song and the direction of his hand. Hers go up to his shoulders, bringing him in closer a fraction at a time. By the time the song changes, she gives up and lets them wrap around the back of his neck. 

Somewhere around the third song, when the bar's DJ is trying to ramp up into a faster energy, she ends up turned away from him. Ava isn't sure how it happened. It could have been his doing; she's not paying all that much attention. All she knows is he's pressed up against her back now, the hand on her hip moving towards her leg incrementally. Her head tilts off to the side as her eyes close, letting the Winter Soldier guide her.

His fingers stop their advance once they reach the top of the gap in her dress, the one that splits up her thigh. She gives him all of thirty seconds to figure out if he's brave enough to go further on his own. Then the ego boost from having Bucky—of all fucking people—trying to make a move on her wins out over her fear. 

Ava lays her fingers on top of the hand hesitating on her leg, urging it down. 

The first touch of his skin on hers makes them both suck in a breath. She can feel the tension in him against her back. He gets over his nerves faster after that. His hand glides down the length of her thigh, and his fingers curl under the fabric when it comes back up. Not all that far, but the intent is there.

In escalating boldness, she reaches for his metal hand, dragging it to rest at the top of her ribs. His nose comes brushing across her temple at that point, giving her an idea of how close he's keeping himself around her with her eyes closed. One of her hands goes up into his hair, and that's when things really go off the fucking rails.

His thumb moves in a wide arc, dragging across the underside of one of her breasts. Her fingers curl around his hair, and her head rolls in toward him. If she tilts it up, she could brush her nose against his; that's how far into her space he is. And then the hand on her thigh moves in.

The pounding music swallows up the slight sound it pulls from her, but she's willing to bet Bucky heard it. She leans back against him, making him freeze up momentarily. He's already moving again before her mind finally pieces together the why.

He's hard, Ava realizes.

With one hand under her tits and the other getting itself further between her thighs. With her ass pressed back against him. With his towering frame curled all the way around her.

Sergeant James Barnes is hard as a rock. For her.

—

How the hell he hasn't gotten his good arm ripped off yet, Bucky's not quite sure. It feels impossible that she's just... letting him do this. 

Spinning her around really fucked him over. He had been behaving pretty well up until then. He'd even managed to hold off on putting his hand as far down her back as that fucking dress allows for. But then he'd been dumb enough to turn her, and her head had relaxed off to the side, and god, it took every ounce of restraint he has not to kiss the length of her neck.

Now she's leaning back against him, fully aware of how wound up he is, and he can't figure out where to stop. She isn't slowing down any part of his stumbling. There's no new tension in her now that she's in the know about the current state of his cock. Her hips are still fucking moving, and now they're moving against him.

She's going to kill him tonight, probably right out here on this dancefloor. He just hasn't figured out if it's going to be murder or manslaughter.

He lets his left hand get bolder, trying to test the waters one last time before he lets his right one go any further. He moves it up, his thumb brushing over her nipple. He hears her pull in a shaking breath while it skims back down the side. She doesn't stop him, making him want to bite at her neck all over again. 

With no signs of her looking for an out, and not one shred of critical thinking or self-control left in his head, Bucky slides his hand further up the inside of her thigh. Her fingers tighten in his hair, nearly pulling on it at this point. All he has to do is hike up his thumb, and he'll get more information than he's probably ready to have. She could tell him to drop to his knees right here; he's mildly certain he'd do it. 

That dress is so goddamn thin. There's no weight to it at all. He can't spot the outline of anything, but he knows from how high her tits are sitting that she's got a bra on, at least. Another inch or two up with his thumb, and he'll be able to tell for himself if she came out tonight with underwear on. He's not entirely out of the goddamn loop; he knows skipping it is a much more common practice nowadays. 

Bucky's almost hoping his favorite hippie is the type. He's spent a lot of time fantasizing about ways to get her out of them. That doesn't mean he's not going to fucking lose it if his fingers don't find a strip of fabric between her legs. 

The flash of a new fantasy hits him, one of Ava letting him pin her to the alley wall out back with his head between her legs. If he takes her around the corner, he won't have to stop when the kitchen staff come out for a smoke break. If she does have underwear on, he can leave it in her mouth to keep her quiet. Or reach up to make her bite down on his fingers. With the serum and her height, it'd work like a dream.

The curiosity becomes a burning need, driving his hand all the way up. When he first touches her, it's not with his thumb, and it's not a gentle brush. He pushes his middle and index finger along the length of her lips, coming into contact with lace that's wet.

"Fuck." The word is choked when it tumbles out of him. He's coated his hand to the thought of her so many times over by now. And here she is, pushing herself up against him and just as worked up about it.

Her hand grips his arm tight enough to bruise in reaction. She doesn't push him away. God fucking help him, she doesn't stop moving either. Still, there's something about her body language that's not sitting right in his gut. She's not pushing him away. But she's not pulling him along anymore.

That's not always a stop sign. Bucky knows that. Some people like leaving the significant steps in the hands of their chosen partner. She's silently urged him to keep going a few times already. Assuming she wants that to continue isn't out of the question. But he's not the kind of man who's comfortable with that leap. Not anymore.

He moves his hand down an inch, leaving it between her legs. Not on top of the lace he wants to bite at. If she's interested, she'll put it back. Simple as that.

Bucky waits, holding her close with his metal arm around her ribs and his nose pressed into her hair while they dance. She's hesitating now, which has him convinced he made the right call. He's not self-wallowing enough to take it as a rejection. It's not like he'd been planning for this to go anywhere near as far as it did to begin with.

Her hand pulls at his hair in a way that feels conflicted. She tilts her head up, her eyes finally opening to look at him. Yeah, there it is. Right there in her eyes. It's finally catching up to her.

"I..." she tries, her mouth opening and closing a few times. "We can...."

"We can keep going," he finishes for her, not backing off from his hold on her. "We absolutely can. Or we can head to the bar and watch them make something with a cherry on it. I'm more than comfortable with both."

He watches her chew over the offered out, her eyebrows pulling in. He doesn't push her; he's not looking to make the call for her. If she wants him to get her off right here on this dancefloor, he's pretty damn sure he'd be willing at this point, even with the threat of criminal charges. He's also ready to let go and spend the rest of the night doing something that doesn't make her look torn. Even if it means ending it early.

"We should probably go to the bar." Probably. She doesn't sound happy about it, meaning it's fueled by her professionalism. He understands why she has the line. He respects the shit out of it.

"We probably should," he agrees. He doesn't move his hands. She hasn't moved hers. 

Her eyes move down to his mouth, and fuck does that do a number on his impulse control. He hopes she doesn't feel how it makes his cock jump. Ava Ryder wants to kiss him. It feels odd to celebrate that, considering where his fingers were a minute ago, but fuck. The girl of his dreams wants to kiss him.

"Let's go to the bar." The frustration in her voice almost makes him laugh. It definitely makes him smile as he turns his metal hand over to link with hers.

"You drink anything other than ale, doll?" He lets his fingers brush over the skin of her thigh reassuringly as he pulls it back out from under her dress. She looks so mad at the world, her face scrunching under her glasses. He wants to kiss her more than he's ever wanted anything in his life.

Ava takes a deep breath that she lets out with a huff. It looks like it cools off some of the annoyance. "My answer depends on how much of a narc you are, g-man."

He puts his arm around her shoulder, dragging her in close to his side. His friends will hand him his ass over this for a month, but he's not about to let her feel rejected. He's trying to respect a boundary, not ward her off. "Lucky for you, this g-man has medical strains growing in his room at the tower."

"There's no fucking way. You're telling me the Winter Soldier grows weed?"

"Are you tellin' me you buy yours? Chump."

She snorts hard enough to feel the need to cover her mouth. It makes Bucky feel damn good being able to make her laugh again that fast. "I can't believe I'm being ridiculed about the source of my pot by a senior citizen."

He holds back on reminding her that she was about to let a senior citizen stick his hand down her panties. "Has it convinced you to give up the inaccurate jokes about my job?"

"Inaccurate, he says! Don't you have a literal badge you can shove in people's faces?" Ava doesn't lean against the bar when they reach it. She stays pressed up against him while he leans on it, distracting the hell out of him. He looks down the line of people, searching for a bartender to give himself a second to refocus. "I think that's a pretty clear-cut definition of a fed."

"I think you're trying to find out if I've got a pair of cuffs handy." This is the other problem presented with her letting him go that far; it burned through what little filter he has. Now that he knows she's interested and not just humoring him, he's fucked. Hearing his own words still makes him wish he'd shut his damn mouth.

He hears her laugh in surprise again, but he's not brave enough to look at her yet. There's a momentary lull filled with the sounds of rowdy New Yorkers kicking off their weekend. Then he feels her head lean against his arm. "Something tells me you could improvise without them."

It's manslaughter. She's trying for manslaughter. By god, she's going to accomplish it if she says some shit like that again.

"I can improvise whenever you need me to." He finally looks back at her, catching her ogling his chest. Again. Her cheeks are a few shades darker. It's good to know he's not the only one reeling. "You should answer my question first, though. Unless you're looking to put in the order."

Her eyes finally flick up to his, and her smile turns shy before she looks away. "Surprise me. I burn more than drown. I'm sure you can think of a fun option to entertain me with."

Bucky should have guessed she'd give him a run for every cent he earned back when he still had his mojo. It feels like he's trying not to trip over himself while she's still getting warmed up. "One entertainment, comin' right up."

She gives him a look, doing a lousy job of holding back her amusement. "You don't get to complain about my puns if you're going to tell dad jokes like that."

"You're just jealous that mine are better." He finally flags down a bartender over her shoulder, throwing out an order for two Mai Tais. The only other cocktail he can think of off the top of his head is a Sex on the Beach, and he sure as shit doesn't have the balls to order that in front of her at the moment. A Moscow Mule is not a cocktail in his eyes. It's also not the kind of inappropriate he's looking for.

Ava's finger hooks into his front pocket, threatening to ruin every effort he's made toward getting his cock to calm the fuck down. "Some of your jokes are pretty great; I'll give you that. The dry ones make my day."

It feels backwards—and mildly alarming—to hesitate to brush her hair behind her ear for a moment. A few minutes ago, he'd been ready to go down on her in front of a room full of people. Now he's trying to find the nerve to touch her at all. Doing so gets easier when her eyes slip closed at the feeling of his fingertip moving down the side of her head. 

"Seeing you makes my day," he murmurs, not caring about letting his mouth run. It feels less intimidating in the wake of her compliment. God knows it's going to sit in his head. Probably forever. The fact that she probably can't hear it over the music certainly doesn't hurt.

Her eyes open back up slowly, with her smile taking on a wicked edge. "You feel like showing me your stash, old man?"

—

They haven't talked about it.

It's been less than an hour since they stopped dancing. In under sixty minutes, Bucky managed to get them a drink and all the way through Manhattan to the Avengers Tower. On a Friday, no less.

No wonder they threaten to revoke his license. Ava thought she was a speed freak behind the wheel. Now that she's got firsthand experience as his rear passenger, Bucky being allowed to have a motorcycle makes her question SHIELD more than ever.

He let her go up to the roof without him. He made it sound like he was doing her a favor by not making her go out of her way just to raid his stash with him. She's guessing it's got more to do with not being down for a surprise tour of his space. It's not as if she's going to fault him for it. 

The idea that she's actually going to let him fly her home after this is already hitting her nerves. If that's throwing her off, she has no clue where she's going to find the will to bring up the subject of—this. Tonight. What happened.

How far she was about to let it go.

He smells too good. She's decided to blame it on that, at least in her head. Mainly to make herself feel better about crossing that many ethical boundaries. It's easier than accepting that she was about to give a patient the go-ahead to finger her in the middle of a bar. Without so much as a word about it beforehand.

Ava pushes her hands under her glasses to hold her face, resisting the urge to scrub at it. She doesn't want to fuck up her makeup. Not while she still has to face Bucky. How stupid—and then she doubled down—god, now they're here, and he's getting weed—

"I was starting to think I'd never get you up here, doll."

The way his voice quells her anxious mind without any effort at all ties her stomach in a different kind of knot. She lowers her hands into her lap, giving him a half-smile. "I'd like to remind you that I'm the one who offered initially. And again tonight."

Bucky waves his free hand dismissively, his flesh one cradling a bag. "Semantics." He dumps it onto the wicker table she picked out herself. She hears glass hit metal, the sound muffled by the black cloth of the bag. "I didn't know if you were a bowl or a joint kinda gal. Figured I'd come prepared since I'm dealing with a degenerate commie."

"Steve was right about your manners," Ava insists, reaching out to open it with greedy fingers. She kicks her heels off under the table, getting distracted by the sight of him shaking his leather jacket off his shoulders. The man's tall enough to have to duck under the makeshift canopy built to account for Wyatt's height. "Tell me how many words you know for pot while I judge your choices."

"Are you forgetting they took me out for walks every few years?" Bucky walks around to her side and puts his jacket over her shoulders, surprising her. She looks up at him with a shy smile, momentarily forgetting the promise of weed picked out by a super soldier. He's such a gentleman that it's frankly obnoxious. One of his eyebrows raises at her. "Those walks included the 60s, young lady. I probably know more than you do."

"What do you remember about the 60s?" she goads as he sits down next to her.

"Plenty." Bucky props his arm up on the back of the couch, leaning into her space. She's grateful for it. Even with his jacket around her, it's freezing up here. The added warmth isn't the only reason she's grateful for it. "Personally, though, I think you would have had a better time in the 70s." He tilts his head back and forth a few times. "At least the parts of it I fucked around in."

The mental image of the Winter Soldier undercover in some sleazy disco hits her like a ton of bricks. It feels wildly inappropriate, even with him talking about it that openly. All the fantasies she has of Bucky do. Especially the ones she uses to get herself off lately. 

"I'm going to take your word for it," she murmurs. There's so much potential there to poke at him. He's offering up the bait on his end. Hell, there's still the list of weed names to dig for. But she can't get her mind to latch onto any of it with him this close.

He nudges his chin in the direction of her hands, which are still hovering in his little heap of paraphernalia. "You should start us up so I can get you home at a reasonable hour. I don't know how fast you like to—smoke."

It's astounding how good he is at riding the line between being a gentleman and a terror.

Ava looks back down at her hands with a smile. "That depends on the accuracy of your warning about this couch-locking me. Technically I'm off tomorrow, so I'm not about to say no."

"Do you smoke medicinal strains?"

"On occasion. I started for anxiety, oddly enough. Then I noticed it helped with my mood overall." She shrugs, setting aside his box of hemp papers. There's a heavy-looking grinder and two different pipes further in. One of them's a goddamn steamroller. He sticks with quality from what she can see so far. "I feel like there's a bong that was held back from this collection."

"There's a lot that was held back. I'm not gonna parade all my ill-gotten goods through the tower." His pauses while she gets the last of it emptied out." You gonna show me how it's done or put me to the test?"

"Definitely the latter." She turns her head to smile at him innocently, pushing her glasses up her nose. It makes his lips twitch. "I don't see anything to assist rolling. Does that mean you're confident enough to show me your handiwork?"

Bucky scoffs, his expression becoming entirely unimpressed. He almost looks offended, leaning over to grab the papers and the grinder. "You're telling me you people need tools these days? After all the work I put into teaching Captain America how to do it properly?"

Ava's brows shoot up in shock. "You're fucking kidding. I figured the weed was a new development—"

"Nah, I've been smoking since my first job." He's not watching his hands much as he lays out the foundation of his work. He's primarily watching her. "Worked for a guy that owed a corner store. He had family that ran a not-so-secret farm." He turns the grinder lid enough to loosen it, then flicks it to spin it the rest of the way off with a cocky grin. "I was an outstanding employee. So was Steve once I got him hired."

"America's Sweetest Stoners," Ava coos, making him chuckle. He's not stingy about what he's rolling for them. It makes her wonder how many plants he's got set up. "Do the two of you still smoke together?"

"He doesn't bother much. Takes a lot to build up any kind of buzz with our systems, so he looks at it the same way he does drinking at this point. He still shows up whenever Banner drops off some new hybrid monstrosity for me to try." Bucky glances over at her quickly, his fingers never stopping their work. "This is from one of the normal plants, don't worry. I won't start you off that far in the deep end."

Ava shrugs. Banner's main lab is here in the tower, so there's no chance the process isn't documented. JARVIS wouldn't let her use anything that could do her actual harm. "You can if you want, but you're responsible for explaining to Tony why I'm passed out on his roof."

He gives her the most insulted look. "I wouldn't leave you up on the roof. I'd be enough of a gentleman to carry you inside."

He's ruining her life. There's no way she's going to be able to walk away from tonight without being completely wrapped around his finger. It makes her smile at him like a hopeless fucking moron. "I believe you."

Bucky brings the most well-balanced joint she's ever seen up to his mouth, licking it closed in one smooth stroke. His eyes never leave hers. It makes her swallow. The fucker smirks at her and twirls the joint between his fingers, holding it out for her inspection.

"Well?" he prompts, watching her intently as she plucks it from his hand. He's preening. Waiting for his praise.

Goddamn him, she's going to have to give it to him. The joint is so perfectly rolled it's mesmerizing. Even distribution, not pulled overly tight, and meticulously sealed. She can't remember the last time she managed to do a job half that good. Bowls have always been her go-to. It's clear that this is his.

Ava giggles at the absurdity of it all. It feels surreal to be a step away from lighting up with a cyborg PoW she first read about in primary school. "You're such a dork. Shut up and hand over the lighter before your head explodes from being over-inflated."

"Now I know I did a damn good job by today's standards." For the second time that night, she gets the overwhelming urge to kiss Bucky as he reaches for the lighter. She props the joint between her lips to distract herself and lets him light it for her when he silently offers. The flame does stunning things to the color of his eyes in the dark. "You only tell me to shut up when you're really impressed with me."

She doesn't miss that he waited until she started inhaling to make the point. It makes her roll her eyes in exasperation. Ava can tell from the first drag that his shit is going to hit harder than her usual. She turns her head to blow it away from his face, handing back the joint. He tucks it between his fingers and brings it up to his mouth in one smooth motion.

"Now look who's outright lying. I tell you to shut up for various reasons." The muscles in his neck look unfairly good when he turns to exhale. It makes her want to run her tongue up his throat. She looks back up at his face. Everything below his chin is hazardous to her health at the moment. "I don't remember any of them being because I was impressed until now."

His eyes flick back to hers, then down to her mouth as he smiles. His hand was up her dress. It was between her legs only an hour ago. And yet watching him stare at her mouth still feels obscene. "You've got a real funny way of stroking my ego, doll."

"I get the feeling you enjoy it," Ava counters, snatching the joint from his fingers. "I wouldn't do it otherwise. You're always welcome to suggest an alternative."

"No, thanks. I'm a pretty big fan of what you do to me." 

Damn. Him.

Yes, the question was a check-in. Yes, she was trying to get a read on how far he wants this to go. Then he had to go and double down without hesitation. She knows by now what door he's trying to invite her through. 

Ava is so not brave enough for this conversation. It's not—it's complicated. She really shouldn't be working on his case if they're going to go down this road, at least not as his primary surgeon. She'll have to pass it on to Hannah and have a few very embarrassing conversations with a handful of people. Ones that involve fessing up to wanting to fuck Bucky Barnes.

She's not saying no. But she's not brave enough to say yes. At least not tonight, up here on the roof.

Ava leans back against the couch, feeling his arm curl in around her shoulders. "Good. Let me know if that changes."

—

u dont get to yell at me for the edging, i warned u that im gonna leave an * on smut chapters. anything less than Full Fuckin aint gettin the badge 😤 i have a Standard to uphold in this house of sin

(tho if anyone feels there shoulda been a warning tag for smthing you can always lemme know bb 💞)

also ill never be able to properly articulate how much i love writing cranky old fart bucko. heartstopper is stupid fun, feral trauma man keeps me on my toes, but stick-shaking geezer mode??? mr. “kids these days with their MEMES” himself??? beautiful. fantastic. superb. his final form, truly 🤌 i yearn to write more of it

anyways there are writers on the internet that can make their slow burn wholesome. in all my years on this space rock of ours, ive never been one of them

even if i do write the longfic of the sunshine dweebs steve and paige, that probably wont be all that wholesome of a slow burn either ajdhdskjfdjsjf. they ARE my tooth rotting fluff ship tho. mmm okay so maybe paige is a tragedy in disguise but its ME so thats expected 😌 the babes that like their romance extra sappy and cutesy take a lotta shit and deserve a Safe Space and steve rogers fits that bill, imho

bucky is for the babes that like to verbally get their hair pulled before hearing ily 🥰

the good news is, i get a few more chapters in this fic to torture you with before i let bucko and ava do the Big Sin (not murder, the other one. no, not hand holding, the other other one) 😌💖💞

also PieAnnamay's comment reminded me that i never linked my fav buckaroo fic, safe with me!!! for anyone else that hasnt stumbled upon bitsandbobsandstuff, i cant recommend them enough. i HIGHLY encourage you to go read through all their works while you’re waiting for updates on this, the bucky and steve fics are 😫🤌 perfection (i promise when i finally have a day to really do tumblr stuff, ill make a list of my fav fics/writers in my pinned post. i promise i will try to get to it Soon, i still havent even caught up on chapter posts there asldhfsadf)

❤️ https://archiveofourown.org/works/13798047/chapters/31721565

[fayrobertsuk]

Cease and Desist

I really need to rant about the state of UK politics, but also I'm so literally tired of living in an increasingly fascistic, villainously late-stage-capitalist state that I don't know if I can summon up the energy to properly describe (let alone explain) the shitshow that this country is turning into, reminiscent of the worst nadir of the 80s.

Like... have you read Suella Braverman's fuck-you letter to Rishi Sunak yet? That was... certainly something, and honestly looked, to my mind, tantamount to a call to arms for the far-right and offering herself up as a rallying point, probably leadership.

And yeah, it was disturbing.

Her four points which formed part of her conditions to support someone she's now publicly labelled, essentially, a weak leader with little support and reliant on what bigots she can muster to his back... are genuinely troubling stuff. Aggressively regressive and deeply misanthropic. She attacks migrants and refugees, trans people (especially trans youth), and lays it out as though she's being the reasonable one. She's managing to make Sunak look centrist. No mean feat.

Go look at "small boats" as a topic on Twitter, just for an example of who she's representing. Trust me: it's not just progressive folk being sarcastic and/or appalled by the anti-refugee rhetoric, there are a shit-ton of people complaining that not enough is being done to curb "the problem of the small boats". Who've bought into this propaganda wholesale.

If you're not concerned, I'm going to suggest that either you're not paying enough attention, or you consider yourself one of the people her priorities serve.

Either way, you have to know that there's only one real way this shit can go if we don't find a way to stop it.

Because it gets worse, for my money. Tonight (well, 15-Nov-23), the House of Commons had the chance to vote on a proposed amendment to the King's Speech put forward by the Scottish National Party: for the UK to call for a ceasefire in Gaza. And not only did the Tories overwhelmingly vote against that (which we would obviously have expected), but the Labour Party were told: if you're a Shadow Cabinet member and you vote for the ceasefire, you're out, we'll give your job to someone else. Obviously I paraphrase.

Turns out you can go to the Government website and download the raw data about the way the MPs voted (or failed to vote) on the matter of the ceasefire, which gets you the names and parties and which way they went. So I made a graph. And I'm honestly sickened.

(Image description in alt-text; let me know if you need the data in a different format up-front.)

Now, it's not like if all the Labour MPs who'd abstained had voted yes it would have swung it (it would still have been 266 vs. 294), but I know I'd be feeling a lot better, and a lot more confident in our so-called Opposition.

See, the thing is that, to my mind, unless you're genuinely all-for the extermination of all Palestinians in the region, a ceasefire is the only means to an actual solution. I just keep remembering how much progress was finally made in Northern Ireland in the 90s, but that (and I wildly simplify here, I suspect) it took a ceasefire to give stability and space and time in which successful negotiations could happen.

Just as I condemned, and still condemn, both IRA and UDA, and every politician and financier egging them on, so do I condemn the violent extremists on both sides of the equation in Gaza. And I strongly suspect that, if nothing changes, thousands upon thousands of civilians, mostly Palestinian, are going to die through no fault of their own until there's no-one left to annihilate. To dicker about the Right Kind of Cessation of Hostilities is demonstrating a casual disdain for human life that chills me even as I rage.

We all like to think we'd be one of the good guys when we look back at pivotal fascist moments in human history. The truth is that, right now, people's lives are being destroyed while people with unimaginable amounts of power are more concerned with jockeying for more than attempting to stem the tide of dehumanisation we're seeing rising across the world, simultaneously in pretty much every nation this time. I don't see anything like enough happening to stop it, and I'm genuinely scared.

[homenecromancer]

website respect my readmore please

ive been in one of those states lately where eventually you look back from the future and you can just say “yeah i was really depressed, because using my hands for anything was painful, and possibly risked future permanent damage, but not being able to use my hands for the hobbies i had previously enjoyed left me with little to do but just stew anxiously”, but living through that in real time is deeply, deeply dull :|

of course, real life never slows down to let you process something like that, so i have also been dealing with, like, the inevitability of death, from two separate directions.

the cat i loved, and promised his first owner i’d make sure was cared for after she died, had to be put down this past week. what can you say — i miss him, and i wish that i had been able to take him into my own home. (he belonged to a close friend’s grandma, and then went to live with said friend after his grandma died. i have animal dander allergies and so do other people i live with, so i couldn’t have the cat myself.)

my dad isn’t getting better, and day-to-day it’s easy to pretend things are okay and normal. but also, like. if my mom and brother are out of the house, then i won’t go for a walk, because that would leave my dad alone in the house. last year he had a minor seizure while cooking and absolutely fucked up some eggs; he and the pan were fine, thankfully. when i was growing up, and after i became an adult, he cooked almost all of the meals; over the past few years he’s gradually cooked less and less, and probably sooner rather than later he’ll just… stop. he won’t be able to cook anymore. things will get worse and if we’re lucky it’ll just be a slow, gentle slide. that’s the good option.

like i am currently surviving in the bare-minimum sort of way, but things are not going great, and i am doing too well at putting one miserable foot in front of the other to really look at myself and go “no, it’s bad and i can admit that”. im gonna go put on a podcast and not send this email i meant to send today

anyway i opened this post intending to mention how i checked out an ebook from the library today and for some goddamn reason the publisher set the default formatting so it was doublespaced. the book did not benefit from this. thankfully Libby has a “knock that the fuck off” feature

[suntrastar]

abstract: chapter 1

chapter 2!!

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Artist!Reader

Summary: Wait- Bucky Barnes attends your art class? And you didn’t even recognize him?

Word count: 7k (i am insane i know this!! you can also find this fic on ao3 !!)

Author’s note: hello! attempting to upload a fic on here for the first time ever! do i understand this website’s format. perhaps not. but am i going to try? perhaps yes! anyways hope you all like it :) likes and reblogs are very much appreciated!!! umm idk how this works if you wanna follow me you can?? do follows exist on tumblr dot com i think they do. hope they do. love you all. this is a long chapter buckle up (BUCKle up lmao i am not funny)!! enjoy ;o

“Hey, can you come look at this?”

You teach three classes a week- Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. The latter two are enjoyable in their own right, but Mondays are definitely your favorite. Instead of teaching kids, who are funny and creative but so messy, and so loud, you get to teach adults. People your own age or usually older, putting you in a position of authority, valuing your opinion, wanting you to come look at things.

It’s a delightful power trip.

You turn away from the window to see who’s speaking.

It’s Steve.

Of course it’s Steve, your star student, staring at you with a worn, weary intensity, wiping a paintbrush on a paper towel. He’s already pushed his sheet of paper across the table, bumpy with water and watercolor paint, cream-colored edges starting to curl. He leans away from it, reclining in a seat that’s adult-sized but dwarfed by his frame, looking so forlorn, like the paper just abandoned him, moved to the opposite side of the table by itself.

You stifle a laugh.

“Sure,” you say, and make your way over to his table.

Steve fidgets in his seat as you look at his painting. You try to keep your jaw in check.

It drops anyway.

As always, it’s beautiful. He’s painted a sky, swirling with purples and pinks, and careful clouds, flickering in and out between layers of paint, elegant and pale yellow-orange. And the sun- it’s off-center, and you’re sure it was unintentional, but that adds to the effect, because it’s hot red, and dazzling, and slowly seeping into the still-wet sky. Tendrils of red like real sunbeams, pushing through the clouds like a real sunset.

You don’t know why Steve even takes this class. Half the time, you feel like he should be the one teaching.

“It’s gorgeous,” you say eventually, once your words come back to you. “I love how you painted the sun- the red, oh my god. You’re seriously a natural.”

“Thank you,” Steve says, and you push the paper back towards him. He looks down at it, still tense, brow furrowed, and you almost laugh again, until he looks back up at you. “I wanted to know what you thought about it.”

Power trip.

“I love it,” you say, giving him a reassuring smile, which he hesitantly returns. You might be laying it on a little thick, but Steve still looks distressed, and you genuinely like the guy enough to try to help him.

When he walked in with his friend for the first class, you were floored. People like Steve don’t attend classes like this- classes like this are attended by regular people. Not people that walk like dancers, all grace and light steps, not people that are extraordinarily jacked, with jutting shoulders and rippling muscles, not people that have a weirdly authoritarian air around them, like a politician, but less shrewd.

Still, you welcomed them and made awkward small-talk and tried not to stare at their arms and hoped you came across as a somewhat decent person. It’s your first time teaching adults, you explained, and Steve gave you a smile so sincere and reassured you that you would do great, boosting your confidence to the point where you actually did.

Steve is lovely. He’s passionate about art and has a good eye, a better eye than you, really, and he always tries so hard with whatever he does, and he’s funny in a dorky way, and completely unaware of it. He always wears a baseball hat and tucks his shirts into his pants and called you ma’am once, and looked so surprised when you burst out laughing and told him to call you by your first name. With him, two classes have flown by, and now, during the third, he’s warmed up to you enough to talk to you like a friend.

The friend he brings with him, though?

A total douchebag.

The night to Steve’s day, the rain to his sunshine. It’s obvious that Steve brings him along as some sort of moral support, to make himself look less out of place, which is fine, except the guy always treats you like you’ve perpetually offended him.

And maybe you have, maybe one time you did something that’s worthy of his eternal dislike, but you wouldn’t know what it is, because he’s never brought it up, because he barely fucking talks.

You don’t think he’s a naturally quiet guy. He definitely looks like he has a lot to say, but no matter what, he only ever talks in single-syllable bursts, quiet enough that half the time you miss what he’s saying.

He doesn’t ignore you, either- he listens to everything you say and lets his judgement flicker over his face- which is way worse. A glare is a slight misstep, a shake of his head means that you’ve just said something that he finds stupid, a scowl is a catastrophe.

You don’t even know his name. He’s never introduced himself, and always writes his name in a shaky, illegible scrawl on the sign-in sheet, and by now you don’t care enough to look it up.

Still, you’re nice to him, polite. It’s okay if he doesn’t like you. You don’t need to be liked- being noticed is enough.

You shift away from Steve to his friend, sitting next to him at the table. He’s staring at you in a way that you can only describe as violent, and you flinch, and then plaster your smile back on.

“How’s it going?” You ask, expecting no response, stealing a glance at his paper. He’s painted the entire sheet a watered-down blue, and you want to congratulate him, for actually participating this time, but you don’t say anything. “The watercolors working out for you?”

Your heart goes out to the poor paintbrush in his hand. It’s barely been used, is steadily dripping water, and is being throttled in his gloved grip. He always wears one glove- it’s weird, but you’re not going to pry.

He catches you looking and a whole myriad of emotion plays over his face; irritation and shame, a creased brow and a scowl. You have the feeling that you’ve taken a massive overstep, even though you haven’t said anything else, even though you’re not looking at his hand anymore, just at him.

His hair hangs over his eyes, glossy and carelessly wavy, which you would find pretty, maybe, if he wasn’t looking at you the way he is. Like you’ve just done something terrible.

“Sure,” he says, and that’s it.

Even when you turn away, he’s glaring.

You hate it, so you pretend it’s not happening.

Steve gives you a sympathetic glance before you head back. You wave it off.

“Shonna,” you call, to the fiftysomething woman hunched over her painting a few tables down, “how’re the flowers looking?”

***

Thirty minutes before your fourth Monday class starts, you arrive at the studio to find Rina washing paintbrushes in the sink.

“Hey,” you call.

She turns to you and gives you a surprised grin. “Oh, hey! You’re here early- come help with these brushes.”

You set your bag on the counter by the wall and join her at the sink. You’ve known Rina for ages- ever since you were roommates in college. The class before yours is taught before, some advanced painting thing that she is extremely overqualified to teach.

She’s kind of famous. And kind of self-absorbed, and a little bit pretentious, but maybe that’s just what happens when you’re as successful in your field as she is. No matter what it is, you can’t complain- she’s the one that helped get you this job in the first place.

“A couple of people in my class like to get here early, so I just try to arrive before them,” you say. She passes you a clean paintbrush. You reach around her and tear off a paper towel from the dispenser. “Did you dye your hair? It looks so pretty.”

“Yes!” She shakes her head, letting her hair sway. Last time you met her, she had dyed it pink. Now it’s mahogany red, straight and sleek and falling just past her shoulders. She looks a little unreal. “How’s your class going? Are the people okay?”

“Yeah, most of them are pretty nice.”

She passes you another paintbrush to dry. You consider bringing up Steve’s friend, but decide against it.

“That’s good- and you’re welcome, by the way. But okay, listen. Do you remember that one guy I told you about a while back, Dustin? So yesterday I was just sitting at home, and then he texted me…”

With the formalities out of the way, she launches into a story about someone you definitely don’t remember. Still, you humor her, listen to what she has to say, chime in at the right parts and say “really?” and “no way!” too many times. The minutes tick by.

When all of the brushes are washed and dried, you take them, since you’re going to be the one using them next, and start setting up for the class. Rina walks away and grabs her stuff from the counter. She lingers by the doorway, door already propped open, aimlessly scrolling through something on her phone, hesitant to leave for a reason you don’t know. Maybe she has more to say- if that’s even, like, possible.

You set the brushes in a container at the center table, and head over to the shelves on the far wall to pull out more supplies. Unfortunately, today’s class is revolving around watercolor again. It’s drudgery, such a boring medium- dull, unsaturated, painstaking when it comes to detail. You bring out a stack of paper, the least-depressing palettes, and then mason jars for holding water.

You’re setting the last jar on the table when Rina shrieks.

It startles you, making your hand slip.

The jar wobbles over the edge of the table and then falls, shattering into cloudy glass pieces at your feet.

“Shit,” you curse, and look over at her. “Rina, what the hell?”

Standing across from her in the doorway, having arrived early for class as usual, are Steve and his friends, two shades more flustered than usual. Rina is gawking at them.

Okay, they’re attractive, but not that attractive.

Not shriek-worthy attractive.

You sigh loudly and carefully step over the glass, making your way over to them. “Hi, Steve,” you say, and he jolts, like a scared cat. He’s blushing, stepping back into the hallway, hands awkwardly dangling at his sides. His friend is staring at Rina like he’s about to murder her, and you’re staring at him like you’re about to ask him to pass you the broom behind the door.

Because you are.

“Sorry about… that. There’s a broom behind the door, could you pass it to me?”

He opens his mouth to say something, and you are desperate to hear him, even if he’s only going to utter a simple yes, but Rina buts in.

“You did not just ask the Winter Soldier to pass you a broom.”

Who?

“Girl, what?”

All three of you turn to her, cornering back into the wall. She looks even more unreal, eyes blown wide, red creeping up her neck, giving her hair a run for its money, still gawking. You resist the urge to reach out and pull her chin back up, to close her mouth.

She alternates between looking at Steve and at…  

“That’s the Winter Soldier,” she says slowly, like she’s trying to convince herself, or you, and then steps closer to Steve, who instinctively takes a step back. He’s fully in the hallway, now. “And you’re Captain America.”

Steve’s jaw clenches. He stays silent, and you feel bad for him, that’s all you can feel, really- you are confused beyond reason, halfway convinced that Rina is losing her shit, still awaiting the broom, still awaiting Steve’s friend’s words, racking your brain for any image of Captain America or the Winter Soldier that you might have- and coming up completely empty.

You don’t watch the news, like, ever.

Little details float back to you. Steve’s dressing sense, his manners, his muscles…

The baseball caps that both of them are always wearing...

His friend’s glove…

Oh, fuck.

“Are you?” You ask dumbly. The question is meant for both of them, but you only look at one of them while speaking. A glare meets you back- a slight misstep.

You can’t even see your feet, in this situation. You’re walking blind.

Steve crosses his arms and looks at you sternly. He doesn’t look angry, but as close as he can get. “Yes,” he says, completely guarded and unfriendly and not lovely at all. “I thought you knew that.”

You are so stupid- how did you not know that?

“I didn’t,” you say, and you don’t sound convincing at all. Not much fazes you, but you are absolutely, positively fazed right now, and starting to spiral out. “I had no idea- I thought you guys could have been, like, bodyguards, or something, not actual Avengers, oh my god. I’m so sorry, shit, thank you for your service?”

You’re going to end it all- this is so embarrassing.

Steve’s mouth twitches. Rina is scarlet-faced. The Winter Soldier, god, looks so tense, like he might shatter, too, into silent, grumpy pieces all over the floor.

“You’re welcome,” Steve says, and marginally relaxes. He stays in the hallway, the Winter Soldier by the door- you should have paid more attention in your tenth grade history class, what is the guy’s name?

Rina peels herself off the wall, and you start to get nervous. There’s a painful silence, with lots of staring, where you’re still trying to coax a few rational thoughts out of your brain, and only coming up with one- Rina needs to leave.  

You try to tell her that with your eyes, with a pointed look, but you’re not great at this whole communication-through-expressions thing, so she doesn’t get the hint, or does and just ignores it.

“So, let me get this straight,” she says, tearing the silence like a plastic seal, voice starting to rise, from wonder to excitement, from painless curiosity to danger, “there’s two Avengers taking your class? And you didn’t even recognize them?”

“Nope,” you say, looking away, at a stain on the wall, at the distant glass shards still unswept away on the floor.

“That’s…”

She trails off before she has the chance to call you stupid, because the Winter Soldier gives her a pointed look of his own. Low brows and dark eyelashes, blazing blue eyes- she has no choice but to listen. Your staring was irritating, but his is intimidating.

She scampers away, mumbling something you can’t catch and brushing against Steve as she leaves.

This whole thing is so unprofessional, but at least you can breathe again-

“Here,” the Winter Soldier says, and a broom handle comes into your view.

Just one word, but you’ll take it with open arms. You take the broom from him, give an unreturned, unfamiliarly sheepish smile and head back to the broken glass on the floor.

The broken glass is swept up and tossed in the trash. You avoid looking at the doorway, focusing on other useless tasks instead. Rearranging the supplies on the table, fiddling with the window blinds, chatting with the rest of the class attendees as they start to file in.

Then the class starts and you’re swept back into your demonstration, talking and teaching and showing off different techniques that can be done with different types of brushes. You only look in their direction once, right after showing off some technique you barely remember from art school with a fan brush- they sit at their table near the back, Steve paying attention as usual, his friend silently reacting, as usual.

So they decided to stay- that’s good. Great, even.

Until the next part of the class starts, when everyone gets to work on their own paintings, when you have to stop talking.

You mill around the room, searching for a conversation to join in on or a comment to make, but find none. Then you take a sheet of paper and hopelessly try to draw- search for a distraction and a spark up of an idea, something, anything, and come up completely empty. It’s just...

How famous are they? Like, A-list celebrity famous? Are they offended that you didn’t recognize them- should you start treating them differently? You don’t keep up with this stuff. You have an impossibly long list of other things to worry about- you don’t have the time to worry about this stuff. The Avengers aren’t something you think about ever, because why should you?

If you opened any newspaper or magazine you would find something about them- a charity gala they attended, some recent threat they neutralized, the latest gossip surrounding their personal lives. But those lives are so far detached from your own that you’ve never bothered to look.

You simply don’t care. You’re not a native New Yorker- it’s not like these people are your hometown heroes, that you grew up idolizing them. They save the world time and time again and society is forever indebted to them and all of that, but what are you supposed to do about it?

And most importantly, what is the Winter Soldier’s fucking name?

Enough of this chaos goes on in your mind to make your head hurt. Fuck it, you decide- you’ll face it. You straighten your shoulders as you stand, trying your best to look purposeful as you walk to their table, like you have reason to go over there. Yeah, they’re strong. Genetically enhanced and all of that, and they’re important: they’re Avengers.

But they’re taking your class.

You slide into the chair across from the Soldier without taking the time to gauge their reactions.

“Do other people here know?” You ask.

Steve startles, eyes widening, and then considers the question while swirling his brush in green paint. He’s working on a landscape today, you think. “Shonna might,” he says, not rudely. “But nobody else.”

So maybe not that famous. Or maybe the people here are just like you and don’t care.

But it still doesn’t make sense. “Then why did you think that I knew?”

“Because you talk a lot,” Steve says, like it’s the most obvious thing ever.

“Well, yeah, that’s part of the job-”

Steve cuts you off, and fuck, you hate getting interrupted. But he’s smiling, and you can’t bring yourself to get upset over it. “You talk a lot to us.”

Us?  

More like to him.

You take it in stride, don’t let your confidence slip. You’ve purposely angled your head away, and you know the Winter Soldier is staring at you- you can feel it on your cheek, on your shoulder, on every nerve in your face. You don’t look back at him. This revelation hasn’t made him any less unpleasant.

“Yeah,” you say, like it’s just as obvious, “because you’re a nice guy, Steve.”

Steve raises his eyebrows so high that they disappear under the brim of his hat. You smile at him as nicely as you can, sugar-sweet, until he can’t take anymore and drops his gaze back to his painting. You turn back to the nameless man across from you.

Winter Soldier.

“Hi,” you say, only to him, and prop your elbows up on the table, resting your face in your hands. “I love the little pattern you have going on with your painting.”

It’s random splotches of black paint- calling it a pattern is an exaggeration. But you carry on.

“This is probably a bad time to ask, and it’s kind of a dumb question, but, like, what’s your name?”

He just barely raises an eyebrow, allowing for a fraction of surprise, before schooling his expression back into his usual mix of anger and boredom, a casual glare and slight frown. For a moment, you wonder what he looks like when he’s happy.

“You don’t know his name?” Steve is in disbelief, and then he winces, and you think he’s been kicked under the table. Abruptly, you laugh.

It rings out. A few people turn and stare, but you brush it all off with another smile.

He’s still staring. You don’t mind it.

The paintbrush in his hand is suddenly unsteady.

“My name is Bucky,” he says, slowly and loudly enough for you to make out the sound of his voice, for the first time ever.

He is definitely bothered by you asking, his mouth drawn tight, and you can’t even take the time to appreciate how cutesy his name is compared to his demeanor, because oh hell. It’s going to be difficult to keep up this whole dislike thing, if his voice sounds like this, low and rough and gritty like sandpaper, pleasantly grating over you and your skin…

You have to consciously remind yourself to keep on smiling.

“Nice to meet you, Bucky.”

Things should feel different, but they don’t. Nobody really reacts- everything resumes as normal. Steve focuses on his panting, adding delicate brushstrokes to the branches of a tree. You linger for a moment, and then get up from the table and flutter off to someone else.

For every class, you wear this kitschy apron, paint-stained, with strings tied in a hasty bow against your back that Bucky always aches to even out. Someone tells you something, and you respond eagerly, fully phased out of the past incident.

He stares until he realizes he’s staring, and then drops his eyes back down to his paper.

Steve wanted to attend this class for a number of reasons- he was bored and wanted something to occupy his time, he wanted to revisit an old hobby, he wanted to learn from you- some hip, emerging artist he’s a fan of, whose work he’s been following for a while now, who is seriously talented, although you have yet to prove it. He wanted to go do something separated from the events of his regular life.

So much wanting. Bucky wants to know why you’re so indifferent.

He doesn’t know if it’s a good thing that you didn’t know his name, or that you didn’t flinch or gasp or accuse him of something, or pointedly look at his left arm. Should he be thankful? Steve is clearly thankful, already loosening up, freed of any lasting tension.

Bucky just feels wary. You’re unsettling.

You come back over to their table one more time. The sleeves of your shirt are pushed up, and there’s a smear of something dark on your forearm, ink or paint. On one wrist you’re wearing a  bracelet made of braided leather. On the other you wear a bulky digital watch.

Practical.

“Everything okay?” You ask, as if something not okay could potentially have happened, in your forty-five minute absence.

Steve fixes you with a friendly smile. Bucky can’t ever bring himself to do the same.

“Yep,” Steve says, and you nod your head, clearly relieved.

“Great!” You glance at him for a spare second, and turn away again.

Everyone he knows is so guarded, walls built high and doors barred shut. Except for you, if Bucky can say that he knows you, the perky art instructor, Steve’s favorite artist. You’re confident and flippant, and that should be a bad pairing, but somehow you can carry yourself within it just fine. Always purposeful in the space you occupy, not reacting to the knowledge of his and Steve’s major, momentous identities.

Bucky wonders, idly, as he blots water over what you so generously called a pattern, why you didn’t.

It’s not like he wants you to acknowledge it, wants you to call him a war criminal or a Rusisan spy. He just wants you to-

He doesn’t know.

The class goes on. An older couple sitting a few tables away have caught your attention, chattering on and on about their personal lives.They have a pet cat that their landlord doesn’t know about, and when they retire they want to move to the seaside in Italy, and in May their son is going to graduate high school.

“High school?” You gasp, loud for no reason. “I hated high school.”

Before the class ends, you take your position at the front of the studio, and talk some more. He knows it’s part of your job, but you are excessive.

There’s an art exhibition going on at some museum, and one of the featured artists is an acquaintance of yours, and on Saturday the admission fee is discounted, and if anybody is interested, you have a stack of flyers on the center table. And you hope that everyone has a good week.

You look at Bucky while finishing up your little monologue, giving a half-smile that’s for the whole class, but seemingly only directed at him. He blinks slowly, and when he opens his eyes again, you’re looking somewhere else.

***

“Morning, pal, you ready to go?”

Steve gives him a hopeful smile as he peels an orange.

Bucky’s hair is still wet from his shower, dripping water onto his shirt. It’s early, too early to go anywhere. He doesn’t even know why he’s awake- usually after his wake-of-dawn runs, he falls back asleep, or lies down and just stares at his ceiling, thinking, until he grows restless enough to get up and do something. But today, the restlessness came much sooner, so he got up much sooner, and it might already be a mistake.

He takes a seat at the kitchen island, next to Sam, trying to think of something that Steve might have had planned for today, and coming up completely empty. “Go where?”

Steve looks hurt, for a brief second. “The exhibition at the museum, remember?”

Oh.

That.

“I’m not going to that,” Bucky says, harshly enough for it to be dropped.

Steve does not drop it. “Hey, come on. Just look at it.”

From his back pocket, Steve pulls out a flyer, one of the flyers you had out on Monday, folded up in a neat square- when did Steve pick one of those up? He holds it out, and Bucky, wishing he was asleep again, takes it.

He unfolds it, and the words are written in tiny letters, and the few photos on the paper are in color but too grainy to make out, and it gives him a slight headache, but he pretends to look it over. Sam leans into him to see it, loudly crunching cereal in Bucky’s ear.

“Looks cool, Rogers,” Sam says, and Steve grins, and now Bucky is the bad guy in the situation, for not wanting to go, even though Sam isn’t going either.

Bucky passes the flyer back without reading a single word.

“I’m not going,” he says, again.

But Steve is relentless. He sets the orange peels aside and gives him a look, and Bucky can already feel his resolve starting to crumble, and it’s kind of pathetic, really. Does he not understand that Bucky is already doing as much as he can?

“Why not?”

He picks the easiest answer.

“I don’t want to.”

Steve’s brow furrows as he splits the orange into two, giving half to Bucky. Sam slurps the milk from his cereal bowl.

They’re all blissfully silent.

“Come on, Bucky,” Steve says suddenly, almost begging. “I really want to see it.”

“I don’t-” He falters, he’s losing the battle. “How many people are there gonna be?”

Steve lights up. Bucky tries to stay indignant, tries to keep his face twisted in dislike, but it’s difficult with Steve. He’s always so full of optimism, has so much of it that it spills out through the seams, rubs off onto whoever’s closest.

“Not that many,” Steve says, like a promise, shaking his head. “That’s why we should go now.”

“Will she be there?”

Sam perks up.

Steve frowns. “No? Or wait, maybe. It’s a public place- I don’t know. She could be.”

It’s miles off from the answer he wants, but again, for Steve, he’ll take it. Bucky ignores Sam leaning across the counter like an idiot and asking “who’s she?” and eats his orange slices in silence.

***

Huge, bulbous heads, and beady little eyes. The limbs are long and wavy and contorted in the weirdest positions, seas of arms and legs and joints, women twisted over each other in gnarled embraces, a man with his arms twirling over and over again around his own torso. And the colors- a complete eclectic mess of everything- blue, red, yellow, green, purple. Everything.

You walk through the museum floor one, two, three times. The paintings on display are unsettling and ugly, and you’re on the verge of tears.

They’re gorgeous. Pain thrown on a canvas, told through canvas. It’s overwhelming- you’re overwhelmed, and you can’t do anything else about it. The museum just opened and there’s barely any people around- you can wallow in your sadness as much as you want to, for now.

Or maybe you’ll wallow in your frustration, instead.

This… you want to create like this.  

But you don’t have it.  

It being an impossible, nearly unattainable type of pain, or misery or anger or any other emotion so strong and visceral that you could translate it into something like this, something that evokes something else from other people. From an audience.

You might have had something like that once, but that’s all too far behind you now. Forgettable. What you need right now is an idea, a spark of inspiration, a single coherent thought. A confirmation that you aren’t completely lost.

You wander back to a painting in a far corner, all alone in a small alcove. A red woman, with her head nestled in green grass and legs wrapping around the sun, quite literally head over heels for it. Her mouth is wide open, gaping, calling, wailing, maybe. She has a hooked nose and a mole on one of her arms, and her white dress has fallen down to pool on the grass, and her legs are lithe and unshaven, prickly like the grass, just like the yellow spikes of the sun, drawn almost comically.

How do you even- how do you even come up with things like this?

By living an interesting life, probably. Through not being boring.

You stay there for a while. Long enough that more people start to file in, pretentious art students wearing all black, eccentric people with awesome haircuts, tourists. They peer over your shoulders, awkwardly, waiting for you to move. When you don’t, they leave you to be, giving you a rude look or two that you pay no mind to. There’s space on either side of you, if they’re so desperate to see. Sidling up right against you is kind of weird, but you’ll excuse it, for this painting.

Eventually, you realize that you should probably get going.

You’ve been standing so long that your legs are starting to ache, and there’s countless other Saturday errands you have to run- doing your laundry, buying groceries, calling up your mom- boring Saturday things to do.

You leave the red woman, regrettably. The fabric of your sleeve comes back dry when you wipe your eyes, even though you feel fully washed away, feel like you’re floating as you drift over to the elevator.

The doors slide open and a few people file out, and then it’s empty, thankfully. You step inside, press the button for the ground floor, wait for the doors to fully close-

“Wait,” a voice calls.

You’re not rude- you press the button to hold open the door.

When it fully opens, Steve steps inside, followed by Bucky.

You’re still out of it. You don’t even realize who they are, not until the doors have slid shut and the floor jolts as the elevator starts its descent and they’ve been staring at you for a solid five seconds.

“Oh, hi,” you say, after too much silence. You need to get yourself together. “You guys came!”

Put a little pep in your step! And more joy in your voice- nobody wants to listen to someone so drained.

Steve shrugs. “I wanted to see it.”

Bucky just smolders, clearly saying with his silence, “I didn’t.”

“Did you like it?”

Steve considers your question. The elevator stops at another floor and the doors slide open, but there’s nobody waiting to step inside. You wait for Steve to gather his words together, sure that he’s trying to come up with a nice way to voice whatever he’s thinking, which is definitely not nice. There’s no way that he liked the art, not one chance.

“It was… intriguing,” he says, at last. Neither of them are wearing hats today, because the museum doesn’t allow it. Even in this artificial light, his hair shines, golden-blond. “Did you like it?”

“Yes,” you say, without wasting a second. “The one of the red woman- it’s probably the best thing I’ve seen all year.”

“It’s only January,” Bucky grumbles.

His voice shocks you, sends an ice-cold jolt up your spine that you definitely dislike.

Steve turns to him, peering over your shoulder, surprised and disappointed. The two of them have a silent conversation with their eyes and you stand in the midst of it, waiting for the goosebumps to settle back down, waiting for the chill to go away.

It’s difficult- he clearly doesn’t like you, either- and even if he has his own troubling little backstory, which you don’t care enough about to google, it’s not justified.

But…

It almost makes his aggression... amusing.

“It is January,” you say politely, dismissing him. “Great observation.”

The elevator reaches the ground floor and the doors side open. You exit in step with Steve, with Bucky right on your heels.

You all stand around in the museum lobby, a wide hallway down from the giftshop and a small cafe.

“Are you headed out?” Steve asks. He puts his hands in his pockets, feet planted wide.

Bucky crosses his arms. He’s wearing all black. If it were anyone else, you would make a joke- he could almost pass off as a pretentious art student, if the outlines of his body weren’t so visible through his clothes, all taut muscle and sharp angles. His hair curls over his shoulders, prettier than anything you’ve seen on any girl.

These guys are Avengers, you think, and proceed to push the thought away.

They look so… un-Avenger-y.

“Um.” You press a hand against your forehead, trying to formulate a response. Chores suddenly seem miles away, the last thing you should be doing. You have all of Sunday to complete them, anyway.

“I was going to get something to eat from the cafe first,” you say, nodding over in its direction. “You guys wanna join me?”

You don't know why you look at Bucky when you say it

“Sure!” Steve says, all cheery, still standing alongside you. He smiles and his teeth are pearly white.

Of course his teeth are pearly white. Dentists everywhere are probably cowering, clutching their little metal instruments for dear life.

Then he hesitates, and turns to Bucky. “If you have nothing else to do, I mean.”

Bucky pauses. You and Steve both stare him down.

“They have these raspberry-almond muffins that are to die for,” you say, like it’ll convince him.

He rolls his eyes. Bored and still gorgeous- if only.

“I’m free,” he says, and you don’t know why he looks at you when he says it.

You pay the bored teenager working the cash register with cash. He gives you your change, and when he turns away to prepare your order, you shove half of the bills and all of your coins into the tip jar.

Bucky sits at the farthest table with Steve. His knees can barely fit underneath it, and the tabletop is sticky, and he’s now willingly spending more time here, and with no disguise there is no way that he isn’t going to be recognized by someone, and he doesn’t know why he hasn’t fully booked it yet.

Because…

He doesn’t know.

Maybe because you’re not asking for anything from him, aren’t minding that he’s sullen or unapproachable or anything else- his presence seems to be enough for you, which is bothersome, and at the same time, mildly exciting.

“Are you having fun?” Steve asks, while you smile at the teenager handing you plates of muffins, little glasses of some milky-espresso-coffee drink.

“What do you think?” Bucky asks, while you start your journey back to the table, and Steve opens his mouth to respond, already bothered, and Bucky’s already guilty, but then Steve hops up to help you carry everything back.

You sit down laughing. Steve is laughing, too. The corners of your eyes crease and he can see all of your teeth, and you look at him for a split second, and then turn away before he can get a read on your expression.

He sits in silence, while you and Steve trade jokes and stories and easy banter, talking about art and local politics and all types of things he can’t bring himself to care about, things that Steve is relishing in. You’re witty, apparently, or at least quick enough to get a few quick laughs out of Steve, and Bucky would never say it, he’s barely thinking it, but he appreciates you for it.

And the muffin isn’t quite to die for, but it’s okay.

During a lull in the conversation, you break your attention away from Steve and turn back to Bucky. You look concerned, almost, still smiling but without showing all of your teeth, leaning towards him like you’re about to tell him a secret.

“I never apologized for before,” you say, and Bucky immediately sits up on edge.

Even Steve goes wary, eyes narrowing.

You suddenly give a long, weary sigh, and press a hand against the back of your neck, like whatever you’re about to say is going to be so tedious. “For my friend flipping out when she saw you guys- she’s literally crazy, she’s always doing too much- but on her behalf, I’m sorry.”

The silence following afterwards is deafening.

“It’s okay,” Steve says, after a long moment, while you’re still looking at Bucky- your eyes make his skin itch, and he doesn’t say anything else. “She’s not the worst that we’ve gotten.”

Bucky doesn’t say anything.

“Okay, great,” you say, and you slump back in your seat, looking away, back to your half-eaten muffin. You pick off an almond from the top and eat it. “Glad we got that out of the way. I just thought it would be weird if I didn’t say anything.”

“Thank you,” Steve says, so polite, even though you’ve done nothing to deserve his thanks. “Have you known her for a long time?”

“Yes, oh my god,” you say, and readjust yourself in your chair again, accidentally bumping your knee against Bucky’s, but not apologizing for it. He glances underneath the table, at your entire bare knee, visible through a rip in your jeans. “Rina- her name is Rina- was my college roommate for a while.”

“You went to college?” Steve asks.

“I have an art degree,” you say dryly, “which was… an okay decision, I guess. Sometimes I think I should have just dropped out and done, like, stand-up or something.”

You clearly don’t want to discuss it, leaving the last part as some sort of rhetorical joke. Steve takes the hint and nods, already closing the chapter, and you take a sip from your little glass, finally silent. The foam on the top of the drink sticks to your mouth until you lick it off. Bucky replies to it anyway.

“Why stand-up?”

You turn to him so fast that he almost misses you faltering, and give him a dazzling smile. He thinks of your bare knee under the table, and tries not to sweat. “Because I’m funny, Bucky.”

He doesn’t like how his name sounds when you say it. “Tell me a joke.”

“Oh, okay,” you say, and clasp your hands together. Steve is watching, rapt at attention. “Let me think real quick- oh, I have one. Which beverage has a black belt in karate?”

Bucky waits.

You wait, expecting something from him.

It’s Steve that has to say, “I don’t know, which beverage?”

“Fruit punch,” you say, exaggerating the last part, and Bucky just keeps on waiting.

Steve cracks a small smile.

“Let me tell you another,” you say. “What type of phone does a piece of fruit carry?”

Steve takes a few wild guesses. He’s enjoying this, and you are too, both of you feeding off of each other. “A phone-fruit. A fruit-phone. A frone?”

You shake your head. “A blackberry.”

Bucky doesn’t tell you that he has no idea what you’re talking about.

“Tough crowd,” you say, when he doesn’t react. “Don’t worry, I have more. Where do you go on red and stop on green?”

“Where?’ Steve asks, waiting, leaning forward in anticipation.

“When you’re eating a watermelon!”

It is not funny, it’s painfully unfunny, and maybe that’s why you and Steve burst out laughing. Bucky steals a glance at your watch, since he doesn’t wear one of his own. It’s nearing noon- how has so much time passed? Why is he still even here when he doesn’t even like you?

“Why are all of them about fruit?”

You look at him like his question is the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard. “What food is the best listener?”

Bucky just sits. All the foam in his little espresso thing has dissolved, having been left untouched. He doesn’t like the taste of coffee- too bitter, and caffeine doesn’t work on him, anyway. Maybe he should drink it, because you paid for it, and because you didn’t make a comment about old-fashioned manners or chivalry when Steve offered to at first, just shrugged and got in line.

He knows that you won’t care.

The drink sits on its own, glass beading with condensation.

“Corn is the best listener,” you say, without waiting for Steve to throw his questions or guesses at you, without waiting for Bucky to spit out another sentence. “Because it’s all ears.”

“That wasn’t funny,” he says, and glares at the spot beside your head.

You nod sympathetically, and he thinks again of the rips in your jeans. “I know. But it was about a vegetable.”

Oh.

You stare at him straight-faced, crossing your arms over your chest. Steve does the same, and then he realizes- the two of you are a bunch of kids, punks, juveniles- mocking his stature, pretending to be serious, somehow not offending him.

“Jesus Christ,” Bucky says. “You’re…”

He can’t even help it. He looks back at you  and his face works on its own. He gives a single, dry chuckle, but he’s smiling, and dragging his hand over his face, scrubbing it off just as fast, but you still see it, and smile back and gently nudge his knee again underneath the table, and then turn back away again, and he’s still staring at your hair while you take big bite out of your to-die-for raspberry-almond muffin, already back in conversation with Steve.

[purplesurveys]

625

Have you ever been afraid to get up and go to the bathroom? This is usually me between 1 to 4 AM lmao. Do you get any magazines in the mail? No, I’ve never subscribed. When I still collected magazines I’d buy them at the mall, but we never use the subscription leaflet thingies that they’d insert inside. How many websites do you have an account for? Too many to count honestly, but I regularly use around over 15. Have you ever paid for any kind of online membership? I’m part of Spotify and Netflix memberships but I pay for neither. Gab lets me use her Spotify which is paid for by her parents. :(( and my dad pays for our Netflix family bundle. Do you try clothes on before you buy them? No, it’s so time-consuming and uncomfortable. I have a good idea of how my body is built anyway so I just pick up pieces I like and buy them.

Have you seen The Blindside? I tried watching, but it was so unbelievably boring and I never finished it. What's the best movie you've seen this year? Portrait of a Lady on Fire. Do you know how to fire a gun? No. I’ve never held a real one, ever. What would you do if you knew a robber was in your house? Take my dog and hide somewhere. Idk, I have a feeling the neighbors would be pretty unreliable so I don’t think screaming for help would do anything. I’d rather stuff taken than have anyone get hurt. Have you played the Sims 3, yet? I’ve never gotten to play it, no. What's your favorite type of pizza? I will always order quattro formaggi and nothing else.

Do you have a favorite local pizza place? Not really. My favorite branch is Yellow Cab, but I don’t have a favorite independent pizza place. What are you afraid of? Just because I recently got three injections to the roof of my mouth and it reminded me of my fear of these: needles. Have you ever been afraid of falling in love? Yeah. It was very scary for me while it was happening because it was with my best friend, and there was always that chance of our friendship crumbling if I tell her how I felt. Fortunately it didn’t go that route. How do you let someone know that you like them? I like to be straightforward and just tell them I like them. Have you ever asked a friend to ask someone else out for you? No. Who'd you last see in a tux? In any context, Ross Geller from Friends. In real life, it’d probably some dude in BGC since a lot of people there dress fashionably. Were you sad when Tim Urban got sent home on American Idol? I remember the name, but I don’t remember being enthusiastic over him during that season. I didn’t dislike him either though; I guess he was one of the contestants I didn’t particularly keep an eye on.   What about Jason Castro, 2 years ago? He was good but I didn’t like his genre, so I wasn’t too devastated when he was eliminated. Do you record any TV shows and watch them later? My mom did this for us once with a movie that was premiering on the Disney Channel – Jump In – but otherwise, recording shows was never as popular here as much as it was in like the States. Do you have difficulty pronouncing any words? I hate having to pronounce the words beautiful and bureaucracy. Would you rather take a shower or a bath? Bath. I get to do it much less often, but I also find it infinitely more relaxing. How many times do you shower in a week? At least four and at most six. What brand's your cell phone? Apple. Have you ever sexted? In the past. Haven’t in a while though.

How many contacts do you have? I have...too many contacts to count manually. It doesn’t help that at one point, Gabie’s contacts synced to my phone as well so now I have a bunch of her numbers as well. I’ve just gotten too lazy to delete them this whole time so they’re all still just sitting on my contact list. Do you have your own computer? Yep, I’m using it right now. Out of everyone you know, who was the most heart? If you’re talking about kindness, Laurice. If you’re talking about ambition and passion...I’d say probably Tina and Bryan. Who's the bravest person you know? Not so sure about that. I think everyone I know is all scared in their own way lmao. Who would you want to have your back if things got tough? Gab, of course. And she has been having my back. Do you ever make up retarded words with your friends? First of all, dumb word choice. Second, no. Have your friends ever given you answers to homework, last minute? I think we all did these for each other back in high school minutes before algebra period. Have you ever dated someone who was real sportsy? Back in high school, I guess Gab was a little sportsy. I know she played softball and before that, basketball. She isn’t much into sports these days though. Are you any good at writing? I can write mean essays and research papers, but you can’t pay me to come up with a poem or short story. What's your favorite form of writing? I like learning and picking up new info more than anything else so I like reading educational stuff in a Wikipedia-like format, honestly. I’m not sure how else to describe that haha. What do you think about Lil Wayne? The autotune is a little weird but other than that I don’t really care for him. Lil Wayne Vs. Eminem...?? :S Probably Lil Wayne? Eminem has his fair share of problematic lyrics over the years and Lil Wayne has just always struck me as super chill lol. Have you ever given up on someone before? Sure. Did you end up regretting it later in life? Never. I tend to give people so many chances to get better so once I finally cut them out, it just means they’ve fucked up enough for me not to regret finally giving up on them. Have you ever done something terrible, but took forever to feel bad? Yes. Have you ever read Shakespeare? I had to read Shakespeare in high school. R&J for freshman year, Merchant of Venice in sophomore year, Macbeth in junior year, Hamlet in senior year. How come no one knows what MGMT is on here? Sorry to make you feel worse but I had to Google that too just now. What did you dream about last night? Nah, I straight up passed out last night. I was too tired. Have you ever looked up the meaning to a dream? Sure, especially if the dream was a nightmare. Have you ever tried to change someone? No, I don’t think I’ve done this before. Can anyone really change anyone that doesn't wanna change? That’s a pretty deep question, but I’m not in the mood to dive in much so I’ll just say it’ll always be a different reaction from person to person. Do you thnk that anyone currently has a crush on you? Other than my girlfriend, I doubt it. What profession do you admire the most? Those that have to deal with ALL KINDS of people, honestly. Servers, cashiers, salespeople in stores, grocery clerks, etc. Mad fucking respect. I’m sorry for the boomers and Gen X people who flip out over the smallest things, babies who spill shit everywhere, customers who nag way too much, and for all the Karens and the Barbaras of the world. Have you ever made a fake profile, for any reason? I don’t think I ever did this. What's the hardest lesson you've ever had to learn? World doesn’t stop for your grief. What are you wearing right now? I am wearing the blue dress I wore out today because I am too lazy to change. Do you miss your ex? No ex. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? If they are a dick and if they are loud, because most of the ones I’ve encountered tick both of these boxes. Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Yes. I still do these days. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be and why? Money. We have more than enough and I’m always grateful, but it’s a very human thing to always be wanting more of it anyway, and I fall under that tendency as well.

[glamrockmonarch]

MiCO LTD - Brian May x Reader

A/N: I hope you enjoy this, I don't think it is too long. I didn't want to put too much info and confuse everyone... This is not exactly my first time writing more "imaginative" stuff, but it is certainly the first thing like this that I post over here. And I will be waiting for some feedback guys!

"Travelling through space and time has never been easier! Allow us to take you to the other side of the universe, the cosmos awaits! Visit our website www.mico.com to find out more about our payment programs."

The friendly high pitched voice of a woman on TV got everyone excited. The payment programs were too good to be true.

In fact, it was all a lie. We all forgot to read their name. MICO. It was so obvious and simple, it was right there on their business sheets, yet we were fooled.

You would have to be either too poor or too ignorant if you did not get yourself a seat on the Nautilus.

It was all fun and games. The world coming together to watch the ultimate show. To have the stars dance for us, in front of our eyes. Nobody could know, predict or tell how fucked we were.

Royally fucked. Some of the teens described it later, before they were pulled into the youth cells.

Their red overalls stained with dark patches over the knees, evidence of the long day they had at the fields. Like everyone, they wore white long sleeved shirts underneath, as a sign of rebellion some of them cut the sleeves to make them ¾ or even removed the sleeves entirely. These teens were often pulled aside and were seen again with brand new shirts and dilated pupils.

The young ones suffer the most, being 12 already counts as a teen for them. Some are only children still, forced to work all morning, attend school in the afternoons and go to the youth cells every night...but I digress.

Once you had your ticket you were told to pack nothing but your passport. If you had a ticket you were issued a new one. Mine was a metallic blue card with nothing but the words U.S.E on one side and a small golden chip shinning on the corner of the other side - women with university degrees got the same one.

Women without degrees were given golden ones. A platinum one meant that you were an elder. Pink and Violet ones were for the "sexually diverse" - as they call them in HIə. Men with or without university degrees got yellow ones. Children got green ones, all teenagers got red ones.

We failed to see the differences, too distracted by the novelty of a card with a chip as an official document. It contained everything that there was to know about us, beyond our addresses it contained information about our physical examinations prior to the trip, what we were beyond who we were... it was too late when we discovered it.

The ship, the large and beautiful Nautilus, was a piece of metal engineered to take all of us through the galaxy. All of my friends and their mother were going too. Half the world population took ships alike. The classes on the ship were oddly assigned, while women had the best rooms and seats in the viewing salon, men were put on different rooms at the bottom of the spaceship. The children had to stay in a special viewing salon where mechanic Nana's looked after them. Upon entering the ship we were given uniforms. Everyone's passport cards matched their pants and jumpers, we thought at first it meant something like the meal plan people were on, which was later debunked as we were separated from our friends and family.

That was the worst part. That moment when we realized this was a mistake, that we had no option but to do as we were told. When I look down at my hands I can almost see it still, my husband's llong fingers fiercely tangled with my own before the officers pulled us apart.

In many ways, I wish it had gone down a different way. Brian meant well when he got us into the whole thing. He wanted to take the chance, to see the very thing he spent so many years studying. I could see the childish wish spread on his face when we first talked about it. The great darkness of the universe unveiled at last. The large planets, the small moons, the dying stars, black holes and craters on alien earths. We fell for it. Worse, we dragged people along.

It was a nice trip all the way till the third month, regardless of us being apart for the evenings, we were still allowed to eat together and wander inside the ship in the company of whomever we wanted. It was then, when we were supposed to be heading back that we saw the real problem; we were never meant to come back to earth. The ship moved forward still. Had it not been for the airplane pilots in the crowd we would not have seen it happening. The ship was not bringing us back to earth. It took us here, or as they spell it on this planet: HIə.

HIə is a strange place. The city is made up of tubes and cabins. Some call it Earth 90214. We call it... Here. Because there is nowhere else to go.

We got separated from each other. All bluesies, goldens, and greenies went straight to the training camp. The rest were taken away. Apparently Pinks, Violettes and Reds got taken into the reduction chambers before joining us. Male Plats, elders, were put on psyche wards for evaluation while Female Plats were selected and discarded.

The new world awaited, we did not know it until it was too late to reject it. Rejection of the social order meant discarding, meaning you were put inside a tube and shot outside of the atmosphere. Here has breathable air, we could go outside from time to time, see the odd light of the sun on the rocks, but we were not allowed to talk among ourselves until the programme was over. There are plants and wild animals. We have seen them, but it doesn't feel like home when you are put in large rooms with 49 roommates all sleeping in bunk beds.

I don't know what has been of my friends, I fear to know. Are they dead? Have they been discarded? Will I be discarded?

This training...it is starting to look like brainwashing, we reply to the Great Question, we call it Master. Who does that?

We call this home. I know this place is not home. They have machines put chips in the nape of our necks. Will they read my thoughts? Program me like a cheap machine? Use me?

I don't know.

I wonder, as I roll the ring on my finger, and I look out the window in the large sleeping hall. Bunk beds around me, the jumper shining under the light of our night. It is winter in Here. Nights are longer, cold and wet. Sunlight shines the strangest shade of violet during the day, night is pitch black. The glass is starting to become foggy and I have to pull my sleeve over my palm to wipe it. Three moons stare back at me from their odd formation in the night sky.

"Are you thinking of him again?" A little voice to my left hisses.

Rolling on her side she sighs. The bags under her eyes tell the truth of our situation. She pulls her knees up to her chest under the fluffy covers of her bed.

"He must be thinking of you too," she assures me.

I shake my head. A frown forming on my face at the pain inside me.

"They will discard him," I voice my concern, "he is older. Stubborn. They cannot change him into their pet." I hiss.

Another capsule flies away up into the wide nothing and my stomach sinks. Every one of them could be him and I wouldn't know. I am so scared. What do we do? If he is gone, what am I holding on to?

Hope.

I hope he is alive. I hope he is well. I hope they haven't brainwashed him.

"He is famous on Earth. He is smart. They have no reason to throw him into space." She whispers, her voice soft and soothing.

I wipe my face of tears I didn't feel falling.

That is even worse: them using him.

My mouth feels dry, words are gone in my brain. The training has started to take its toll. I sit and stare at the reflection on the mirror and ignore her voice as I stand from the window sill and walk back to my bed, laying down with my eyes looking forward and my body going limp.

Hope is stupid, and resistance is futile.

[no-longer-an-alley-cat]

‘“Asexual” Isn’t Who I Am’: The Politics of Asexuality

by Matt Dawson, Susie Scott, and Liz McDonnell

Comedic commentary that might verge on insightful by me.

Join me as I try and fucking deal with this particular hangup I have

Arright, so basically these folks are reacting to other folks who say that asexuality is the fucking cats pajamas and is going to do everything from redefining relationships to destroying neoliberalism.

Basically, they’re saying that this is telling asexual people how they ought to be, and not actually looking at what it is and how asexual people actually are. In fact, they think asexual people are a very diverse bunch and you can’t make general claims about their politicalness. Which is fair.

Anyway, they’re going to look at the politics of asexual people, and they’re doing this in an interesting way where they are committed to studying the world from the participant’s perspective. This is interesting because, generally speaking, it is impossible for a researcher to entirely remove themselves from an interpretation, because they’re human, and that’s not how humans work. It’s particularly interesting if this means they’re just going to take their participant’s word as gospel, because folks have this nasty habit of lying to researchers.

So, working through past literature now.

They got a good handle on the different parts of the spectrum though, nice, nice.

And critique essentialism, all to the good. 

Then they’re saying that the establishment of asexuality as legitimate relied vision of an asexual person is the ‘gold star’ asexual (yikes yikes yikes) cause that sectioned off some people who you could still intervene with, so the social dominance of sex in society is unchallenged. This negates the ‘radical potential’ of sexuality which is to suggest the FUCKING WILD NOTION that maybe it’s okay for anyone to not want sex. Like, maybe sex could just be a thing, and not a prerequisite of being normal or intimate???

Anyway, the idea that it could suggest this buck wild idea basically spawned a bunch of articles expecting asexuality to pretty much fix everything wrong with society. We’re questioning mainstream culture, we’re rethinking intimacy, we’re desexualising identity, we’re radical (in the political sense of the word) just by existing. Also just “fundamentally anarchist” because we reclaim agency over our body by not wanting to have sex? Dunno about that one, but I might be down for an A tattoo in ace colours.

But our three musketeers say these are a bunch of claims just pulled out of a collective ass, there’s not data whatsoever. Also, all that stuff talks about ‘asexuality’ like it’s some distinct entity (like how folks talk about capitalism but good) and not a thing that people have. So there’s no discussion of how other aspects of people have (race, gender, class, disability etc) interact with asexuality. And of course they do, people are people.

And they want to see some real resistance, alright? Some proper political action and mobalisation, not just thinking radically. Or, I guess, living in a way that resists norms? Or maybe that counts as taking a political position. I guess we’ll have to wait because now it’s time for METHODOLOGY.

So right off the bat we’re talking qualitative. Interviews and a diary. Data from a study originally looking at asexual identity formation and the construction of intimate relationships, but they figure they had enough to do a little article on the politics of it too. And like they said before, they’re looking at what it is that their participants think they’re doing. They call themselves out a bit, saying that maybe their participants might not know if they’re being political, but I’m gonna add in here that this interview was probably advertised as being about the asexual identity. Folks were asked if they had ‘been an activist in the asexual community or in relation to asexual issues’ sure, but it wasn’t advertised as political so they might not be getting the political peeps!

AND ANOTHER THING (cause we’re into recruitment now), you’re not going to get the people like me. The people who care Very Much about their identity, but are also Very Scared to talk about it with pretty much everyone who hasn’t unlocked like sixth tier trust. And they don’t mention this, even while they’re patting themselves on the back for how many diverse identities they got (never mind that the sample is nearly 74% white, 76% younger than 29, and 54% had a university qualification). People who have the most issues are unlikely to be fitting into those categories, either.

But fuck it, let’s get to the analysis.

How central did the participants consider asexuality to be in their lives? You’ll be fucking astounded to know that it varied!!! Amazing, right? But mainly what they’re looking at is whether folks saw asexuality as a key factor marginalising them. (This is about where I started crying last time, but I’m channeling that into anger to try and keep it together so buckle the fuck up).

Our brave trio admits that they did “””””of course””””” find evidence of discrimination against asexual people, and say that they really don’t want to downplay it, but hey, most of the people they talked to didn’t experience it! They just talked about hearing about it! Like, NO SHIT MOTHERFUCKERS! YOU TALKED TO 50 FUCKING PEOPLE WHO WANTED TO TALK TO YOU! YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING TO FIND A TREND WITH THAT?? And also let’s not downplay what it can do to a person to hear about how others like them are threatened with rape, huh? Let’s maybe think about the effect of that, huh?

Like, yes, the participants who said that it’s not as bad as the history of oppression that homosexuality has are entirely valid. But the researchers who say multiple times that they don’t want to downplay the effect of discrimination and oppression and then ignore the instances they found in favour of talking about ways it could be worse are NOT.

And then they’re saying that it’s not significant to come out, because it’s ‘a lack’ and they cite a couple of participants who say they don’t come out on a regular basis and here is where we get to crux of my problem with their methodology. Because what they’re doing is they’re taking what these participants said and they’re going, ‘oh, yup, that must be why.’ And that’s all well and good, but if some rando I barely knew asked me why I didn’t come out to all an sundry I might also say something along the lines of ‘oh, well, you know, it’s not a huge deal, it’s not something the public needs to know.’ But Reader, it is a huge deal, at least for me. I’m fucking terrified of coming out to people. People LIE. We lie all the time, we tell people what we think they want to hear, and that means that there could very well be a reason I’m reading what these people said and hearing echoes of the tired old aphobic discourse. 

Not saying that is what’s going on, just raising the possibility which they have yet to do.

Yeah, yeah, see here, heteroromantic asexual talking about how they realise their privilege and can pass as straight. Sound familiar? Maybe that is their experience. Maybe it’s what they think the interview wants to be their experience. WHO’S TO SAY?

Yeah, so they conclude that maybe asexuality isn’t very central in their participant’s lives, and we get the title quote of “asexual isn’t who I am. This is just what I am, not who I am as a person.” Which is interesting, because I was just reading another article where gay men said the same thing.

But they say this quotation shows that asexual can be a description of actions one doesn’t take rather than an aspect of a person which creates marginalisation and UM WHAT? You could just as easily say that ‘this is just what I am’ shows a deeper claiming of identity, making it a physical aspect of you which could actually lead to marginalisation. Hey, maybe the context of the quote makes it clear. Don’t know, though, BECAUSE THEY DON’T GIVE ANY.

And now we’re moving on to activism, which I don’t expect to make me as angry, but we’ll see. (Editor’s note: It did.)

Yeah, so there’s more of the drawing the line between how people would like recognition of asexuality and the activism necessary for the wider LGBT community, which, again, valid. But they say that this means that the people who say this feel less need to confront forms of discrimination, when the selfsame participant they are discussing explicitly outlined a need for better education. 

APPARENTLY there was no suggestion that the educatory action people engaged in linked to a wider question of social change which, I mean, sure, had you not already called yourself out on participants maybe not being politically  conscious I might allow. But you did, and what’s more, I bet you didn’t even fucking ask them if they saw it as social change. And since when was education not social change? How are folks supposed to know that it’s okay not to want sex if you don’t TELL THEM THROUGH THE EDUCATION SYSTEM???

And then they have the nerve the fucking audacity to say that while it is “of course” admirable, it doesn’t show a desire to challenge a social system. EDUCATION IS A SOCIAL SYSTEM, YOU ABSOLUTE WALNUTS.

Now, online activity

This is mainly about people’s attitudes to AVEN which I don’t really know anything about, but it’s people talking about how it feels to find a label and answers, which is some much needed wholesomeness. And I feel like people’s opinions on a particular organisation or website to use for community are much more valid to take at face value. Much less interpretation going on.

LGBT groups/politics. Oh dear.

“The relations between our participants and LGBT groups were complex and multifaceted” oh, I bet they were.

Again, they found more people talking about hearing others excluded rather than seeing them excluded themselves. Kinda idea that the political standpoints might be different, but they don’t really dwell on that, they just head on through to really ram home the idea that asexual people are all different and might not hold inherently queer political perspectives.

And finally, finally, the conclusion. People are different, political literature is wrong, asexuality is not a fucking cure all. Now, they outline a couple of responses to their argument that folks might take. 

One: the idea that by being asexual, people have the potential to question society. They say this takes people out of their context, and that their way of looking at human action is better.

Two: a radical politics that hopes to transcend sexual society is the best/only way for asexuality to get social acceptance, never mind what the experiences of the participants say. They don’t want to say whether this is true or not, but say that sociologists should distinguish between arguing for the things they like and arguing that those things are what a certain group should do.

And now for my own conclusion. I know I have issues. I am very ‘sensitive’ around this topic. And, just to be clear, I don’t think there’s anything intrinsically radical in being asexual, either. I think it might inspire a person to take a radical bent on life, but that’s up to an individual. 

But these folks, these silly sausages, in their eagerness to disagree with everyone fell over themselves to gleefully stab each other in the foot. They took an extremely shallow look at their data, not interrogating why people might be telling them these things at all. Additionally, they clearly didn’t want to find much evidence of social activism, and one can’t help but wonder if that is why their definition was so crushingly tight that it didn’t. 

They got to an answer I agree with, but boy howdy did they make a mess doing it.

[booklust]

Futurelit Vol 5: Grace Byron

This time around, I had the absolute pleasure of chatting with Grace Byron, the Brooklyn-based columnist, writer and filmmaker and all-around brilliant, benevolent creative spirit whose recent book release party for NB Carrie Bradshaw (read it here via Epigraph Mag!) at Babycastles solidified my love for her and her work. 

This interview was the first time I had the opportunity to conduct a classic interview over the phone instead of over text chat, or as I like to call it for reasons I’d gladly explain to you over a glass of wine, “The Tony Hawk Method.”

This resulted in a truly gorgeous conversation that flows synaptically and always takes surprising directions (Twin Peaks, the afterlife, and a tender moment involving Coldplay that occurs towards the end---when you see it then you’ll understand!). It also brought me right back to the days at my editorial internship where I would transcribe hours of interviews, but in a good way this time. I took great pains to not only get the content and diction right, but to convey the undertones of our exchange that made it so vibrant. Which, interestingly enough, makes it take on the visual form of a text chat.

Check out our conversation at the jump, with gorgeous illustrations by Becky Ebben:

You do a column called “Trans Monogamist” for the Bushwick Daily (I binged that…it’s really dope) and your latest project is NB Carrie Bradshaw (which is out now!). So I’m curious, what sort of came first: your interest in the format of an advice columnist/relationship columnist,  or your love of Carrie Bradshaw?

Actually--I didn’t start watching Sex and the City until January 2017, which everyone is sort of super surprised by, and honestly? Me fucking too. Not that it’s a perfect show, but the aesthetic signals that it’s something that I should have seen a long time ago. It took me a long time to get to it. I had heard a lot of the negative stuff, which there is a lot of, and rightfully so. There’s this one terrible bisexual episode where Carrie’s just like, “I just don’t know….he’s bi .” And I’m just like… “Girl, so what.” The point is, the column writing came sort of naturally. I had a column a few years ago at my paper called Queer Art Vibes before I had even seen Sex and the City. And I was mostly writing about art, and capitalism, artists, and things I was finding interesting aesthetically. The last column that I wrote was after I had a break-up, and it was called “How To Date an Anarchist.”

Oh my God

And it got like, no comments. Because most of the columns that I was writing were about trans identity and stuff. I got all these comments like, “Why can’t people just make up their minds about gender?” And I’m just like, that’s completely irrelevant to what I’m talking about. So this column got no comments at all. There’s this huge anarchist population at Indiana University. It just closed down this month, but we had this huge anarchist bookstore that was this huge draw for the punk scene.

It was a column that didn’t make sense for where I was writing. But then as I was watching Sex and the City, and as I was doing a lot more dating my last year in college, I was thinking “yeah, this is really important to talk about.” And I started thinking of dating as a political and aesthetic and emotional practice. It’s more using this pop culture phenomenon to let people understand something about what it’s like to be trans and dating. It’s not like it’s me and my three friends that are all going through the same things. Or it’s not like me and my straight girlfriends talking about how our experiences are different. Or me and someone who is nonbinary even talking about how it’s different for both of us. But I do like that element of friendship in it, that element of comradery.  But I think it’s interesting now that shows act like there’s this group of 4 friends and they’re all the same. And that was never my experience? You know, there’s always a nonbinary person, a lesbian person, and...maybe a straight man.

LOL the token straight

Right. At least that’s my college experience, where I’ve never had a group of friends that were all the same. There were always at least one other gay or queer person. It’s a helpful lens to think about dating, and think about dating how much it’s changed since the early 2000s. A column is a dispatch from the front lines, like “this is what happened this month! How’s it going with you?” The book [NB Carrie Bradshaw] has a little bit of a more narrative arc to it. But in the columns, there’s no resolution. -----keep reading below------

Right, and that’s what I like about it. There’s endless thinkpieces about dating apps, queer dating, etc, and it’s so frustratingly depersonalized. It’s very strange how the discourse tries to force dystopia instead of actually having a comprehensive view of how people feel. There’s a lot more truth in the way that you present dating than how someone tries to dissect it in a thinkpiece.

Yeah, thinkpieces are weird. I love to read them, but I also don’t know how helpful they are a lot of the time. Especially when they try to draw a definitive statement. In some things, sure, that makes sense.

Like in a college thesis, where you’re forced to come to a resolution for your life, pretty much.

What was your experience working at a college newspaper?

Basically, I came to college, and I was on the media floor--and basically what I thought that meant was cross-genre. But in reality, what it meant was journalism. And then I thought, you know, okay, it’s fine. I thought it was interesting. And so I almost went to join the newspaper as a writer and interviewer, I did a few articles. But a rule was that if you were a writer for them, you couldn’t be interviewed. And that was my biggest problem with it--I knew I wanted to do art. I knew that I wanted to get press. I didn’t want to prevent that from happening.

Right after I came out my freshman year, this guy on my floor was like, “do you want to talk about being gay at IU?” And I was like uh….sure! It was weird because it was my first time being interviewed for something real, and I was talking about being gay. But I was also trying to sneak a pitch for my website while doing it, I was like...go watch it! They promptly cut that out of the interview, though.

Good effort, tho.

I didn’t love that environment. I wasn’t taken with it. I started volunteering at a local radio station where I did stories about lots of things. That was much more interesting and fulfilling than the college newspaper. And my friend was like, “do you want to be columnist--we need one.” Not because I was special or anything, because they really needed one. And I was like, “sure.” So I started writing these extremely leftist columns, like “capitalism is the devil, and here’s why : )”

And I wrote one that was like, “nudity in art isn’t porn,” which isn’t even an extreme opinion. But I started getting all of these comments like, “Counterpoint: nudity in art isn’t not porn.” I was just like wow, I can tell that you really read this column….

People just read titles a lot of times.

Yeah for sure. Our campus was filled with a lot of views of all extremes, and not just anarchists. We also had a militant white supremacist population on campus. There were a bunch of protests from that group over the course of years--it wasn’t just one year, or just this year, which was definitely the worse than the years before. I also got tons of hateful comments from white supremacist groups on my articles. So I was just one of the people on the receiving end of those comments.

But as far as my involvement in the newspaper group itself, I think I only attended one meeting. I didn’t really feel a sense of community at IU that a lot of people there felt. I think a lot of people looked down on what I did because it was so personal. It wasn’t like I was talking about music, or like I was talking about hard-hitting stories. So I wasn’t really a part of the “IU JOURNALISM COMMUNITY.” But it wasn’t like I really wanted to be. I would still sometimes get people who appreciated my work, that came up to me and said “I love this, I love what you’re doing,” but they were usually queer people.

Which is definitely the desired reaction, which is awesome. Talking about your webseries “Idle Cosmopolitan” -- what was your favorite audience, or your favorite venue that you showed it to? And what was that sort of reaction and vibe like?

I wasn’t at all of the screenings. It showed at Bloomington at Planet Nine--which is this small VHS rental/DVD rental video place that kind of reminds me of Ghost World or something. I wasn’t there, but a lot of my friends were there, since it was my home for so many years. I assume it went well. From the pictures, I saw that it went well, at least.

It showed at Sarah Lawrence, which I know very little about how that went. I wanted to be there, but I was scheduled at work. Which is a whole thing about how I’m not a full-time artist. I say that I’m a freelance artist, which means that I make MAYBE 50 bucks a month off of my art. If it’s a good month! So I can’t always go to everything that’s happening. It’s an interesting part about being an artist in this landscape. People expect you to be global, and there’s only so global you can be if you’re working class. Which I think is important to be transparent about. It’s not always fun to be transparent about that, but it’s important.

Exactly, you want to be honest about it, but you want to portray yourself as larger-than-life-to get attention, and at least the semblance of clout (whatever that fcking means). But being an artist, you’re a part of a community, and you want to treat that community well. You don’t want to stunt and act like you’re making a living off of your art when you’re not.

It’s not cool to lie one way or the other. It’s not cool to portray yourself as a poor person if you’re not, and I’m not super poor or anything, but I’m not living off of my artwork, and I make a decent living off of my work as a childcare worker. But yeah, you shouldn’t lie because you’re fooling yourself and making art seem elitist.

There’s the lie by omission, in a way. A lot of people are internet famous, or have a certain persona that makes people say “Oh, I want to be like this person, who so clearly lives off of their artwork.” When in reality, it’s probably a side hustle at best.

Or they live with their parents. Or they have rich parents.

It distorts people’s dreams and plans--it’s important to be responsible about that.

Totally. One show I was at physically was at Secret Project Robot, at this festival of poets, and my videos were showing between poets that were reading their work. So that was interesting---I was the only video artist at the show. And as many things as I have tried--I have written poems, but I’ve never called myself a “poet.” So I thought that was kind of cool to have that multimedia experience, to see my videos projected really large in front of a big crowd of 20 or 30 people. Which doesn’t seem like a lot, but it’s actually a lot. I remember thinking wow, the crowds are gonna be so big in New York. And they are! But 20 or 30 people is a lot for DIY art. Even if you’re successful, or internet famous--it’s hard to gather a crowd wherever you are.

And it was really cool because people who were actually in the video got to see it, which was cool! Chariot is in it, and he was there, so that’s cool.

There was one livestream and q&a in the UK, which was really cool. And that was my favorite, because the moderator was super smart and always asked good question about the fantasy genre, and its intersections with queerness. It was refreshing instead of questions like-- “Why are you gay? Why is this here?” It was a good convo to have beyond the surface level.

It’s awesome that I saw so many showings of your series was in Indianapolis, in Indiana. You may not see a big crowd--DIY art isn’t an Ariana Grande concert--but What you do see is how it sort of transforms the room, and creates a living space, a community. 20 people is a community. Especially in Indiana.

Right, there’s very established artists and documentarians where the only place they have more than 20 people show up is in their hometowns. Even world-renowned documentarians may struggle to get an audience. Which is awful. But I think that one thing that is happening in the real world is that there are plenty of people I look up to, who are famous, whose twitter gets pretty very few likes! And they may have a huge amount of followers! And I’m like--why am I getting more likes than world-renowned feminist scholars? I think that’s happening in real life too. These people are having talks and showings of their work and sometimes DIY work is a different experience and maybe draws more people than these professional pieces, and there’s a community of people who can see themselves in that as artists.

I agree, it definitely changes the dynamic for people are used to when it comes to art, you think there’s the artist and this huge invisible wall and then there’s the observer, and it breaks down that dynamic.

Right, it changes the power dynamic. The artist isn’t a preacher.  What we’ve seen in DIY venues is, everybody is sitting in chairs. The artist is in the front, but everyone is on the same level. There isn’t a stage to walk down from.

I think people are only starting to observe this change, and aren’t sure what to call it yet. Some people see changes like this as the death of something, like the death of some kind of empire of how art works. But especially with this project, I think I’ve not only been an optimist, but a realist in the sense that it’s for the better. So many people are screaming “death to media! Death to print!” and I’m just over here like, “You’re a Baby Boomer, please don’t talk to me.”

Ha! Right. These media aren’t dead, but they’re definitely dying. But I think they’re going to be dying for a while to come. People broadcasting the death of all of these things---like, they’re not dead yet. The Met is gonna be in trouble, but the Met is gonna be around for the next 100 years. The Met’s not just gonna crumble.

Going back to “Idle Cosmopolitan”--I love how it’s a series of very short films. And by short, I mean like, slightly longer than a Vine length. And some people may come across that and immediately compare the series to Vine culture, but my immediate thought was comparing it to poetry, with a lot of tightly-wound content being fit into a small space. So I was wondering how poetry influences your visual work, or how visual work influences your poetry, etc.

That’s interesting. I actually originally applied to go to college for poetry. I never called myself a poet, but I did think about it for a while. When I do write poetry, it’s usually about nature, and viewing nature through the lens of divinity and power dynamics. Which I think is definitely a big part of my video work. The “Queer World” in my piece is a forest. Somebody was talking to me recently, and said that “I think it’s interesting that the queer world is a forest. Do you think of urban spaces as, like, not-as-queer spaces?” I hadn’t really thought about that. But whenever I think of that sort of the afterlife, I don’t think of cities. And what’s our other option, really? Nature. An ocean would be a terrifying destination for the afterlife. I think that poetry is super important, I think when I’m writing anything, I tend towards a lyrical, poetic style. I love hard facts, but I was never super into Hemingway. I always loved the Great Gatsby. Not that I like showy, hyper-stylized stuff; I hated the Great Gatsby movie. But the suggestion of artifice, the suggestion of things like that, I think is really interesting.

There’s ton of talk about heaven and nature and sin in “Idle Cosmopolitan.” I’m sure it comes from a long line of being raised in Christianity, and having read all of the Christian classics. And as a kid, I was obsessed with the apocalypse. Once, I was between 6-9 I remember looking at clocks in restaurants and thinking, “Could this be the hour of the end?” I remember being super into Revelations, and the ghost stories that my friends and I would tell each other, and often confusing them as the same thing.

I think that’s a form of poetry true, a strange, mental form of poetry. I think the afterlife is poetic, because there’s no concrete that you can provide.

I think in terms of modality, I think I’m always writing in the form of the poetic, even if I’m not writing a poem. Even my column--it’s not a how-to column, it’s not a safari.

It’s not MTV Cribs!

Right! Definitely more reflections.

I always thought of videos sort of in musician terms, like “this is my new album---Idle Cosmopolitan.” This is the tracklist, and each has a poetic name, etc. And each year, there’s a self-image overhaul….well, there’s no image overhaul for me this year, but especially in college I was into that idea, where I wanted to amp myself up every year.

But this iteration, for me, was trying to marry these poetic ideals with my own lived experiences, to make it sort of autobiographical, but still have a flourish. I mean, I was watching Twin Peaks when I was working on it.

Yeah, I can definitely see that influence in there. Where there’s that magic-realism, but it’s so mundane. The suspension of disbelief is so well-dissolved into it.

Right as I was starting to write this, I just finished the season of Veronica Mars---I’m not sure if it directly influenced it…

But it was there

Yeah, and watching Twin Peaks: the Return. What I thought was interesting about it was its formal elements. There was this sort of suspension of disbelief present for both the characters and the audience. So then you’re just like, “Yeah, queer spirits! That makes sense!” So, it’s that magic realism that is super appealing. And also the fact that it’s episodic. One of the things about David Lynch that I’m really into is the episodic nature of his work. There’s this loose play with time and narrative, and it’s an experience.

I think what Lynch talks a lot about, especially in later seasons, is agency. But in Sex and the City, for example--Carrie isn’t a bad person, but she’s not necessarily a good person either. She has affairs, runs around doing whatever she wants, she tries to take a break from dating and has a guilt complex where she feels bad about her actions, and also places guilt on other people--it’s complex, which I think is interesting.

Like chaotic neutral, but a little more complex than that?

Yeah, definitely. I’m obsessed with people who are chaotic neutral. I don’t think I’m chaotic neutral, but I’m fascinated by that those people exists.

I’m a super-intense Virgo, Type A, Blair Waldorf type. I definitely pride myself on hard work--which could be problematic--but I have that crawl-my-way-to-the-top sort of vibe.

This character in the webseries, they’re sort of neutral. They’re a relationship writer, but it doesn’t seem like a main part of their personhood. The only thing that they seem mad about is when their boyfriend breaks up with them, which is fair. But they don’t seem to be making many choices, and there’s something very sidekick about that.

I was in this space in my life where I was having to make all these intense decisions--deciding to move to New York, having to make all of these choices about who I wanted to be as a person. The character is the exact opposite, where there’s no movement. There’s a movement in narrative, a movement in place, but it kind of happens to them.

They get a letter, a pep talk from Fate--and they’re just like, “Sure, whatever, I don’t care.” Then they enter the queer world, and they’re like “Alright.” And then the Blue Spirit is the one who was like, “No, this wasn’t actually a good choice.” And they’re like, “Okay, sure.” They never really doubt people’s motives.

There’s a sort of guilt about making choices that Type A people have. Inevitably, if you’re a type A perosn, you’re going to hurt people. Even if you’re not actually hurting them, you’re going to make choices, and choices affect people. There’s winners and losers. So what does it mean for the sort of stoner archetype, this chaotic neutral archetype, when they don’t make choices?

I’ve never been a chill person, so I gravitate towards writing characters that are like that. Because I’m always wondering….what does that feel like?

Right! I feel like it takes a lot of effort to be chill, which isn’t chill. It’s kind of a self-consuming concept. I’m not gonna say it’s the only real binary, but…

Haha, right! Ok back to influences. Actually, as far as the soundtrack goes, I’ve gotten a lot of feedback where people say it reminds them of Sex and the City, and that it’s derivative. Actually, one person said that the soundtrack reminds them of Rugrats….

Stop!!!

Right!? Well, it’s jazz, but it’s sort of this chaotic jazz.

It’s a typical theme song in a lot of ways, but it’s disarming. Which I like.

Some people said it makes them anxious.

It offsets the perceived chill in the series, which signals you to look harder.

Watching it back, I was like...something is wrong. Narratively, there’s something up. But I’m not sure if that thing ever gets hashed out or resolved, it just sort of hangs like a dark cloud.

Which is what’s so great about poetry. There’s always that lack of resolution. People always get angry at that, where they want to feel satisfied...where’s the sequel at??

Do they get the girl or not??

Yeah! It’s how we’re taught to view life. But especially with creative people, it’s paradoxical--they only thing that makes them (us) feel satisfied is poetry, that sort of form that leaves things unresolved.

Totally.

How has the internet shaped your writing?

The internet is definitely fucked up. It was created by the military, and is now owned by billionaires. That’s already strike one. But let’s assume that the internet is also provides a space that provides more access for more people. But it doesn’t provide equal access for everybody. It provides equal access for a relatively small amount of people. You have to afford a computer, internet access--and even if you go to the library, you have to afford to be there.

But let’s say it does level the playing field in that way---even still, people don’t have more of a chance of getting their art noticed because of it. It does mean more people can put their stuff out there, but it doesn’t guarantee more viewers, or more fans, or some utopia.

The internet has become this neoliberal promise of equality. This reveals itself in every aspect---who dominates media, who dominates internet celebrity, etc. This doesn’t discount the fact that there’s fantastic DIY spaces based on the internet, but there’s a lot being overlooked.

The internet as a structure is racist, sexist, homophobic, and transphobic. Even if we go back to technology like photography, for example, it was a technology developed to best depict white faces. It’s so great that the internet creates a platform for people, but that includes creating platforms for neo-nazis on 4chan, for alt-righters to doxx people. The web is pretty fucked up, and it amplifies our greatest strengths, like community. Especially the trans community, which is so important. But it also amplifies our problems, and reveals where we need to grow.

I don’t think the internet is the devil, but I think it makes it harder for people to feel like human beings. It mirrors capitalism, and degrades human beings in so many ways where we’re expected to become a brand, which is always tied to capitalism. We’re forced to reduce ourselves to something bite-sized, which is troubling me as a person and as an artist.

When did u start writing and being creative?

I was always drawing. I was super into Pokemon and all the Nintendo games. I was into anything cute and well-designed, like Zelda, and anything involving world-building. I was super into maps, and at a young age, I thought, “I wanted to do that.”

At a young age, I wanted to be a pop star. And I made the boys in the neighborhood be my band. Now I’m thinking that was sort of a strong signal of me being gay, haha. Boys---you’re gonna be in this band, and I’m gonna sing Breakout by Miley Cyrus.

I started getting really into bands. I was really into Coldplay, and I wanted to be Chris Martin.

STOP, ME TOO

I really liked “Clocks.”

ME TOO, when I first heard that, I was like, Now….that’s what I call music.

I also really liked “Lovesong” by Sara Bareilles, which is entirely different, but I was also like...that’s what I call music. Also Paramore and Deathcab, and I was like…..this is also Music. I still love all this stuff

I still listen to all this stuff pretty much on the regular, even though I laugh about it Yeah! And at the time, all of these things were coded as feminine. Even Coldplay, which was, not a boyband, but kind of more healing.

Right, like ~emotional boys~, ~soft boys~, this sort of soft masculinity before it was talked about and memed.

I went from wanting to be a popstar, to wanting to be in bands, to wanting to do comics, and then I was like...I want to be painter! I did a lot of paintings, and then I wanted to be an actor. I was fixated on stardom, on theater. I was in all the plays of my freshman year.

Then I moved schools, and this guy who didn’t even like me and stopped talking to me, but I liked him---I wrote this psycho-opera about him. It was all songs about him, and it was super awkward. I recorded an album about him. He started being nice to me, and then I was just like…...here’s an album…

I was like, that was fun, but then I started to getting into Wes Anderson. And Woody Allen, but #WORST. And then Godard, which was better. Then I started making movies. And I saw 30 Rock, and it confirmed what I wanted to do.

I love how you go from Godard to 30 Rock

I know!! I was very all over the map. Then I started watching more experimental films and wild stuff, so it’s been a journey to where I’m at now.

The wrapping up portion, something I ask at the end of every interview...this is actually the first interview I’ve done that’s over the phone, an actual physical conversation. And the form of how I’ve conducted each interview has really affected it.

How would you describe the future of literature in a tweet-length? Or a sort of verbal tweet length, also tweets are longer now so….yeah….

Smaller.

[daynamartinez22]

Weekly SEO Q&A – Hump Day Hangouts – Episode 310

Click on the video above to watch Episode 310 of the Semantic Mastery Hump Day Hangouts.

Full timestamps with topics and times can be found at the link above.

The latest upcoming free SEO Q&A Hump Day Hangout can be found at http://semanticmastery.com/humpday.

Announcement

There’s a search console because that’s my go to I don’t care what anything else says. And right when I’m looking at everything, I had a form submission come in. So I got it, I got it, I got the screen capture because I had to blur out some stuff. So I’m going to be sharing that as soon as we’re ready to go.

And we are live Welcome everybody to Hump Day Hangouts, Episode 310. While Bradley’s doing some stuff in the background here, we’re gonna get going. I’m gonna say hi to the guys real quick. We got some quick announcements. And then I’m just scrolling through here. It looks like we’ve got a good number of questions. So with that said, Marco, I’m going to loop back to you, man, how you doing today? Like, by the way, like your shirt, you’re looking good.

I’m good, man. I’m sorry. I took it away from from my window. Should I have done that? I got I got I got a mess in the office right now. But you guys, you see? Nothing but like, Man, this is how I do to do I do. I can’t help it again. Come get some come get some guys. Just Just a quick word, stop relying on on third party vanity metrics for what’s going on on your website, according to Google. So you go to somebody else to see what’s going on in Google. I it for the life of me, I can’t figure that out. So in a minute, when we get to that question or five, whenever we get to it, I’m going to be sharing something on screen, just so you guys can see why you can’t go with third party vanity and domain authority then, whatever the hell it is you’re relying on. you’re relying on the wrong thing. And I’ll show you some and let’s see, I’ll get I thought it was muted. Sorry, Chris. How’s it going?

Doing good here? Good. They can complain and yeah, I think we got something pretty sweet coming. Oh, really? I made a video about something today, so, huh?

All right. Well, now I’m curious. I don’t even know what you’re talking about.

Well check Facebook.

Ah, all right. I will check it out. Bradley, you got the tech stuff done. Are you available?

Well, it’s the fucking video still not on know that on the page. Click Funnels bullshit. I’m tired of it. And I really am.

It’s still not even there we go. Yeah, it’s updated now.

Well, it’s not for me.

Gotcha. Well, we’ll circle back around. I’m going to type something in while I ask her not How you doing today, man?

Great, man. I’m in Miami. Having fun. Everything’s good.

Well, you got to talk for a little bit longer. I gotta, I gotta touch.

Okay. I’m in Miami. It’s raining. I’m having a lot of fun. This is awesome. And I’m waiting for Adam to stop typing so that he can keep on doing the intro. But did I mention that I mean, Miami? And

I’ve heard that you’re in Miami. Is that true?

No, I don’t know what you got that from? Yeah, man. How? how weak Are you really in the gym right now after all these months of no workouts? I’m a pussy. I’m doing like a D load quote-unquote, D load week right now. And I’m like, so sore. And I did like, two squats on Monday.

Those are right now, but we still had it. So.

Gotcha. All right. Well, I got a little note there. So if you’re watching us on YouTube, let us know. Also, if you’re somehow seeing this on the page, just shoot us a message let us know you can see it. But in the meantime, we’re gonna keep rolling and maybe figure something else out. But Bradley, how are you doing man? Besides page refreshes and caches?

Yeah, I’m just I’m tired of Click Funnels in their stupid fucking. There are always issues with Click Funnels, it seems to be getting worse. So anyway, maybe we can move the webinar on to a page on our site instead. I think we should probably do that. Because we won’t have to deal with this every week. It seems to be getting worse. So anyway, that said I, everybody.

Everything is fine. Yeah, that’s cool. Um, I’ve actually been testing out group funnels, maybe that’ll grab the lifetime account. And that came out, maybe we can just toss it on there and see if that works. Or just put it on the website, like you said, or do like a direct YouTube type of thing. love to see. But anyway, with that said, we have a couple of announcements. First of all, if you’re on the email list, that’s great. You’ve gotten the announcements about the POFU Live recordings, you got access to the little special offer we had to go in there. But if you’ve missed out on that, first of all, go to semantic mastery or go to Hump Day Hangouts. Just Google that and go to our page, enter your email address, so you can get notified about stuff like this. We do give special deals, special offers, and some bonuses to subscribers, but I’m also going to put it on the page here today. The recordings are available. Along with the recordings, you have the option to get executive summaries we’ve gone through and we’ve taken and distilled every single talk that we had into a quick basically reference guides. So you’ve got links, you’ve got the main points, so you can go back or have that open as you’re watching the talk. Super, super handy. So that will be on the page in just a minute. Oh, man, I am just losing my place like crazy today. I’ve got a couple more announcements. And while I hunt these down, did you guys have anything we need to also cover? Before we dive into things?

What about POFU?

About It was a great event.

Oh my god, what about it?

The live of the recordings are available, right?

Should be right.

Yes, that what I was just talking about or not my losing my mind about POFU.

I don’t know, but well I’m gonna keep running on because I don’t know where we’re going and this is gonna get pretty weird for people watching. So anyway, I do want to talk about one other thing, if you go to the SEOshield.com, the SEOshield.com that’s a great place. If you’re new to Semantic Mastery and MGYB You can find out how to shield your site and never worry about algorithm updates. Again, it’s a free training, just head over to the SEOshield.com and grab that if you’re more on the agency owner kind of consultant side and you want to get more clients to grow your revenue scale your team, head over to 2xyouragency.com. And last but not least, if you’re ready to grow your digital marketing business, your agency then you can join our experienced community. With the mastermind You can find out more about that at mastermind dot semantic mastery.com I like to go through these every time because we don’t know you know, we have new people watching every week. And those are some pretty typical questions we get from people, you know, hey, I’m just starting to watch you guys where the hell do I start? Right? Good question. So finding out about the SEO shield is great. Then we got people are saying hey, I either want to start or kind of grow my agency, I’m not sure what to do that’s to x your agency COMM And then we’ve got people, of course, are like, Hey, I’m in it, I want to grow, I want to be around other people like me who have got their agencies going who’ve got their businesses going. And that’s where the mastermind comes in. So those are the big ones. Of course, we mentioned MGYB, if you’re not familiar with that it’s mgyb.co, save time and money with done for you services. This is all stuff that we’ve used, and either converted into a done for you process or stuff that we had done for us. And now we’re offering it as well. So you can get it done for you and save time. So this is a great place to be like white labeling, things like press releases link building the SEO shield, for example. Lots more over there, too, and lots more coming. So with that said, guys, that’s it for the quick announcement. Anything else we want to cover before we dive into questions? I’m waiting around to say something No, just kidding. Wait, good. All right, let’s do it is that we got a bunch of questions already. So let me get the page pulled up here. And I’ll grab the screen.

This has got me all screwed up. Because the format has changed in the last couple of weeks. And after years of having one particular startup format. It’s hard to hard to transition.

All right,

you guys are seeing my screen now. Correct. Good to go. Yes.

Yep. All right.

What Is The Name Of The Upcoming Buffer Site S3 Creator?

Let me expand this a little bit. There we go. So the first question up says, Hi, you mentioned something about an upcoming buffer site s3 creator from ABS right? Yeah. Abbess. Rathje. As I think I’m saying his name correctly, I always feel like I’m mispronouncing that. Or he says, Can you please give us some URL or spell the product or the name as I can’t find anything? Yes, buffersites.com. It’s not available yet. But I believe it says coming soon. And I think he’s working on something because I recently got an email from him about kind of a technology that he created for that works with Amazon s3, hosted web pages, as well as some other type of web 2.0 sites and things like that. So I think buffersites.com is in the pipeline, but it’s not available yet. So that’s what it is buffersites.com and the developer’s name is Abbess Abbess. ABB BB as Rathje. And I think I always butcher his name when I try to say it. But he’s, he’s got many different types of software products out there that are fairly good. Some of them are but got a little bit of a learning curve, but he’s got like video marketing Blitz was one of them, it was a good product that we use for quite some time. So he’s got several different kinds of products out that you know, software programs that do things so that’s the one I was talking about.

Should You Make A Separate Page For Each Location When Siloing A Local Service Business Site?

Next question is Tommy says when creating location pages for a local service business, would you make a location page for the location the business is located in the business already has the primary location in the footer about, etc, and ranks on page two for keywords in the primary location on a general service page? Would it be overkill to create a location for it to and be duplicate content would appreciate your advice? Thanks. Now, if it’s a single location site, you don’t need to you don’t need a location page for it. The only time that I would recommend having location pages is if you have if it’s a multi-location business right? Because then you can, you’d have one location is typically going to be like a headquarters, right? Like the main location or, you know, the primary location, the first location, whatever you want to call it. And so that would be like what I would, you know, a lot of So for example, if I were to build a lead gen site that was optimized for one location, but then I decided, because let’s say it was really successful, and I decided to start expanding locations for that brand, then what I would do is I would make that, you know, the primary location would be the first location, and I would take that as kind of like the name, address and phone number for the primary location would be like the organization, you know, essentially, the main location for that multi-location business, and then I would create separate location pages for each individual, or additional location, I should say, that’s how I would do it. But yeah, I wouldn’t recommend creating a location page on a site that is optimized for one location. Because you’re it that that’s kind of, you know, Department of redundancy department, you know what I mean? So I would recommend that you don’t do that, you don’t need to do that. But what you can do is you can split out like suburbs, or, you know, I’m not, I’m not sure what how you’ve got your site structured, but you can create geo posts, that’s what I call it, but they’re locally optimized posts for localities within your service area, if it’s a service area business, I’m just assuming that it is. But it could be a storefront business, in which case, you wouldn’t even really need to do that either. But for service area businesses, like contractors, which is what I do, then what I would do is have the one location, you know, is probably the only location but then I would start optimizing content in what’s called geo posts, or what I call geo posts, which would be optimizing content for like the suburbs, the adjacent areas, that and then I would, you know, kind of optimize cut, my blogger does all this, but she’ll go out and pull in like points of interest, historical, you know, references, things like that, that are relevant to each individual, you know, suburb or municipality or whatever that I’m trying to expand into, and then show, you know, produce some content, you know, included about whatever products or services the company offers. And you can start to blog that way, so that you can start really kind of expanding your service area footprint, so to speak. But you don’t need to have a separate location page for the location. If it’s a one-location business, it just doesn’t make sense to do that, in my opinion. Any other input on that guy just said, there’s no such thing as a duplicate content.

And we see this all the time, no such thing as that happening. Now, as far as would it be overkill? to us that perfectly? The advice is that when looking at content is whether you’ve given the content, proper attribution. That’s all that matters. Because if you haven’t, then let’s say if your G site is really strong, it might outrank your money site. That’s the only problem you’re going to run into. But if you have proper attribution, if if Google understands where the master copy of the content resides, and there is no problem, there are only problems if you’re running like duplicate titles, duplicate descriptions, and things like that. But we’ve literally only changed location on content and run the same, like 15,000. More than that pages have the same content except for the location and it works. It’s working. Right now. I’m about to show you how it’s working right now. And when we get to that question, there is no such thing as duplicate content, you got the master copy. And then you have copies of that content. proper attribution takes care of any duplicate content issues, and so does canonical. If you canonicalize. correctly, you’re fine. You’re good to go.

There you go. Let me unpause the screen for a minute if I can find it. Okay.

What Do You Recommend For A Self-Hosted URL Shortener?

So the next question is from Jr. My guess, says, Hey, guys, do you have any well-recommended URL shortener? Excuse me? Do you have any good recommendations for a self-hosted URL shortener looking to set up one for a client to be public-facing so users can create short links easily from their website? Open to using a hosted solution if it exists? Thanks. Also, is there any SEO value for the target site if users create short links? So, Marco, you would be the one to answer that because we set that up for MGYB.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, there eventually will be SEO value once you power it up. However, how long is it going to take you to power up that URL shortener on that website that has no power to start with? Which is what you need, which is the reason why Well, the reason why just say use a shortener To make the URL easier to handle, right, when you’re sharing it, you don’t want this long 50 character URL, you want something short and memorable. That’s why Bitly for a while was so good. And then we started realizing the SEO value in Bitly, until they decided that they were going to 302. At well, then we went to the Google goog l URL shortener until they took it away. So we decided rather than rely on others, why not create our own power that up, give everybody the SEO value and the added benefit that you could go in, and I think it’s only for like five or six, I don’t know, seven bucks a month, I don’t even know. Use your own use of our shortener which is powered up. And then you could have your own URLs, right, you can have your own URL extensions, you could have your own. If you want to call them vanity, whatever you want to call them. They’re yours, but they reside in MGYB. And they continue to get powered up by dedhia. So I will be there’s the SEO benefit, the SEO benefit that you get is the power that’s behind that. But right from the start when you go and install that whether you do it on a subdomain on your client site, whether you use pretty links, whatever it is that you’re going to use is not going to have any SEO value until you power it up.

All right, there we go on the resume share again.

Because doing some background stuff. Alright.

Can You Make Multiple GStacks On One Google Account That Are Interconnected?

So the next question would be Hey, guys, the question on G stacks. Can I make multiple G stacks on one g account that are not interconnected? Uh, yeah, I suppose you could. Now I’m not sure why you would want to we separate them. But you know, Marco, now that we’re not using the script. There’s not a limitation on that, though. Is there?

Let me see, of course, there is.

Why would you want to go and break up the well, not a limitation? But why would you want to put two things that are unrelated in the same dry stack?

We go for G stacks under one account. So different g stacks, but yes,

no? No. Okay.

Oh, unless they’re totally relevant if I mean, if you can, if all right, same niche, yes, it makes sense. If you’re going to break up the niche, if it’s going to be totally unrelated, then No, they’re not because now you’re putting all your eggs. First of all, you’re putting all your eggs in one basket, right? Everything is in a Google takes that away, you’re gonna lose everything that’s in there. That’s why we turn over we create our own Gmail accounts. And we turn them over to you so that you can use it. And if you order 1000 from it, you’re gonna have 1000 Gmail accounts, but you can manage a whole lot of them from one account, which is what we recommend, you can are we send a letter, we send an email when we deliver the drive stack, and we tell you what to do with it, make your main account the manager of that account, so you never again have to go back into that account. But this way, you won’t take any chances in eliminating the public-facing dry stack and decide you’re not going to run any into any problems or getting locked up or anything like that. Right. And then we tell you to change the phone number, change the recovery, make sure that you can get in there eventually. But only if you have to only have you must, once we turn it over, there is absolutely no reason for you to go back in there. Unless you want to go in there and Tinker and then you’re on your own. So please understand what it is that we’re doing. And what it is that we recommend for you putting like 50 I don’t know you could you get 15 What is it 15 gigabytes in that drive stack, excuse me in Google Drive to play with. So there’s plenty of space in there for you to get multiples in. But you’re putting everything in one basket you’d be put you putting all your eggs in there, and you drop that fucking basket and all your eggs break, you better know how to make scrambled eggs.

Yeah, I agree with that limit, you know, mitigate your risk that way. And so you know, as Marco said, we deliver it with its own Gmail account. And that’s you know, the primary owner of the drive stack which you can always add you know, your main Gmail account or G Suite account, whatever as a manager or share it with that so you can still manage the stack from within your own account, but it’s owned by the other account that way you’re limiting your risk like Marco said, if that you had one account that had all of your G stacks in it and then something happened in it got suspended or terminated, then you’d be screwed. So I totally agree with what he says there.

Is It Better To Have An Old Google Account Better Than A Gsuite Account When Creating Drive Stacks?

Okay, the next question was which is better and old g account or a new G Suite account? Well, I’m always gonna say G Suite account because you’re paying Google that way and I use G Suite for freaking everything now. So if it’s a brand or a project that I know I’m going to be working on for any amount of time Other than just for testing purposes, I always set up G Suite accounts for everything. Now, that’s just my own personal preference. One thing you can do is if you have old Gmail accounts, you can set up a G Suite account through the old Gmail account. And that, I don’t know if that actually adds any additional benefit or not. But I can’t imagine it wouldn’t. You know, I can’t imagine that hurts anything. And so like, if you’ve got some old Jeep, like, for example, I have a Gmail account that I’d set up for Tree Service stuff way back in, I think, 2012, that I just recently decided to turn that into a brand and I created a G Suite account with that. Email is like the, you know, the, when you set up a G Suite account, you need to have an email account anyways, and all that, you know, to add to the system, so I use that one. And I think and again, I don’t know this without testing, but it makes sense that it would have some inherent authority built-in because it was an age, an old account, something that I had set up in 2012, that I just now turned into a G Suite account. Now again, I don’t know that that’s true. But it makes sense to do. So do you have any input on that as part of the entity validation, isn’t it? I wrote that when I wrote the black book, I mean, we’ve been recommending go G Suite, go pay Google, or pay Google for extra drive space, get that credit card, on file, get your stuff in the database. So now you’re a real thing on the web. Rather than someone trying to gain Google, you’re still trying to gain Google, but you’re going the extra step, which most people won’t do. And you go pay for ads, ads for branding, Brandy put out a great course, ads, I run ads, for branding purposes. So again, you’re going a step further validating your entity. This is all talked about how old is the black book about four years old? It’s all in there. I don’t know, you guys, it’s all available to you. I think we also send it with that email with that recommendation email. For us, excuse me, the user’s guide, done for your users’ guide is what we send out. And it’s all in there how to add validation to your entity pay Google, get your credit card, and Google, they’ll tell you that it doesn’t have any effect in rankings. And they the way that they’re saying it is right, I would say okay, that in and of itself doesn’t. But when you’re validating the entity, that part of it has a big, big play in what the end results are going to be.

Unknown Speaker 22:33 Absolutely. All right. So next is Oh, by the way, a couple of things I wanted to briefly mention I was distracted from the start-up for the webinar being rough again. But a couple of things. One, I want to talk about this, this great post in our free group Facebook group from Max Lucey fam bam, we had we did a webinar on Monday with Mike Martin for Lead Simplify if you guys haven’t seen it yet, I would highly recommend that you check it out. I know most of our audiences into local SEO, local client work or lead generation. And it’s a fantastic application. It’s very inexpensive, and it works really, really well. The lead simplifies the app, I use it in my own business. In fact, I started using it eight or 10 weeks ago, probably closer to 10 weeks ago now. And I reached out to the developer Mike Martin, specifically after I had set the app up and integrated it into my own lead gen business. Because I saw the value of it, I decided to reach out to Mike and the developer and asked him if we could promote it to our audience specifically, because, guys, you know, we don’t promote other people’s stuff ever. Unless we, ourselves, you know, or somebody in our, my partners or one of us in my company use something and can vouch for it. And so we rarely promote other people’s stuff. And in this case, I reached out specifically to try to ask if we could promote it because I think it is such a valuable app. And so the webinar was great. We had some technical difficulties at the beginning of that part of the reason why I was frustrated this today for Hump Day Hangouts, but I got that cleaned up. So now the replay is just the content. And it’s really good content about what he calls the hybrid lead generation model. It’s fantastic content, as well as the app itself, is very inexpensive and very useful. And I use it in my business now. So we also throw in a couple of bonuses that I use specifically for generating lead buyers. So basically prospecting for lead buyers. And it works really, really well. I’ve been bringing multiple new lead buyers into my business over the last several weeks because of this app, as well as the prospecting systems that I have built, which I share all of that in our bonuses, so I would highly recommend that you guys go check out the lead simplify webinar that we did with Mike on Monday, and check it out.

Also, I just wanted to give a shout out to max Lu See fam bam, for this great post that they posted about watching that webinar and becoming inspired, because of some, you know, basically having some issues with clients, client work can be very frustrating guys in I’ve said that over the years, there’s certainly ups and downs with client work. But I really have decided that you know, I don’t want to work with any more take on any new clients, I just want to work on building my lead gen business and for several of the reasons that were mentioned in this post here, as well. So just wanted to kind of point that out, give a shout out to Max, Max Luci for posting such a thoughtful and thorough posting here. And, you know, we’re excited to see you, we’re excited to see you excited, and I think you’re on the right track, build your own assets instead of others. Now don’t get me wrong, guys, if you got to do client work, to make money do it, you know, but at the same time, instead of always building other people’s businesses budget some time and some money to start building your own assets to so that you can be gain more control over your revenue, right and your future. Clients can fire you at any moment, right? They can stop paying you to go find the bargain basement $99 a month SEO from you know, India or wherever and fire you in a heartbeat. And what are you going to do? You know, one of the things in our mastermind is we’ve had people that have come in that have had, you know, perhaps one or two clients that provide 90% of their income. Like for example, like a 4000 or $5,000 a month retainer client, what happens if that client drops you and your, your, your 90% of your revenue is based upon that one client, does that make sense or just a couple of clients and then you lose one of them. And now you’ve cut your revenue in half or a third or whatever my point is, you know, start thinking of ways to generate your own assets so that you have more control over your, your revenue and your future. And, and so again, I’ve got clients now, and I’ve still got a handful, I just took a client on about seven, six or seven weeks ago now a new client, but I don’t think I want to take on any more clients unless they’re going to give me you know, a much higher retainer value than what I typically asked for, because I really just want to focus on building my own business. So I thought this was a really thoughtful post and I just wanted to give a shout out to there and also encourage you guys to go check out the replay.

How Do We Use of Text Transcripts From Videos For Traffic And Link Building Purposes?

Alright, any comments on that before I move on guys? Nah, perfect. Okay, Franklin says, Hey, guys, given the rise of video integration in SERPs, and Google taking snippets of sentences, and focusing more on YouTube and looking to get a syndication ring and look into backlinking for videos, is there anything we can do with text transcripts from our videos for traffic, and link building purposes. Um, you know, the only thing that I, I don’t, what I’ve done in the past that works fairly well, like with client work, especially is I’ve had, I’ve trained some of them. Like, for example, I’ve got an outdoor pest control company that does like mosquito control, take control, that kind of stuff. It’s a very seasonal business. But I trained their technicians to, like I told the company owners to tell their technicians to just when they go out on job sites, which are just people’s yards, essentially, to just take their phone out and grab, record a short video, like literally like, Hey, this is John, for a company name, I’m out in, you know, Fairfax, Virginia, providing mosquito control services. And, you know, if you want your yard to be tick free ticket, mosquito, free, contact us, and then drop a phone number, whatever. So very, very short little video clips that then they send to me, I upload them to YouTube, optimize them, and then have that transcribed, which is, you know, literally, it’s usually about a minute long the video or less, so cost a buck or a buck 50 to have it transcribed, and then embed that into a blog post with the transcription underneath. And that syndicates out to the branded network that’s attached to the, to the website, as well as the YouTube channel can be attached to that too. So both can be syndicated to it, that’s what I’ve done. And it just it that tends to work because it adds some text without having to have you know, it’s, it’s all done with just a video, right? a short video can be turned into a video plus a blog post with the text with the transcription, the call to action, everything that you need for additional content, you know, to multi-purpose the content. So that’s what I’ve done. Maybe somebody else here has some other suggestions for how to use text. But that’s pretty much the extent of what I’ve done. And that works quite well actually.

Anybody else? Yeah, I mean, what you could do lots with the transcript, right? You can add it to your page and it becomes part of the blog post when you embed the video on your website. The transcript can actually become the content on your pay. I mean, we recommend that this time and again right then you syndicate it, then when you do your embed, right With the video, you could do the page I mean, not just the video, you can do an embed run of that page. Right? Because then that it’s an iframe, and that’s perfectly fine. You want you’re not going to run into any duplicate content issues. But people are still going to say, Okay, yeah, there are problems there are. So that’s another thing that you could take the audio from that video and start going to the audio distribution, I’d SoundCloud would be one podcast, and then you can create a syndication network for that. And there are so many different things that you could do with that, to get tons of value, rather than just think, Okay, what I do with this transcript, you could also convert it into a PDF, a downloadable PDF on your website. Right? That content, so I framed the video. And rather than just put the text on there as content, you could put additional content on it, then a link to a PDF that people can download, then you go and submit that to all these PDF directories that you have all over the web. And, I mean, that’s, that’s another thing that you can do, really, you’re only limited by, by, you know, your imagination. And what you can come up with the limit is the things that you can think of to do with this content. Not that you have multiples, but you have video, you have audio, and you have text, and then that text can become a PDF, it can become any other kind of download, it can become an image, the text itself can become an image, you can do the question and answer images of each. I mean, it becomes what you could do becomes ridiculous. The thing is, is it necessary? And why are you needing to do all of this a lot of times, all of that just simply isn’t necessary because the process that we use, requires you to do as little work as you can for as much benefit as you can saving the bullets. In case you need more.

There you go. Always keep some, some in reserve, right.

How Do You Properly Optimize The GMB And Website Of An Old Business?

Okay. The next question is a basic GMB question. I have a client who bought his dental practice from another dentist. The old dentist GMB is ranking Okay, three in some map packs around the office. And second, organically what is the best approach try to merge in the GMB market is closed and rank the new one with the new business name for the web for a website, the old one as a pop up directing to the new site, should I take that site down or leave it up just worried about the possum, but I think I could rank them both, I would be fine with that both businesses have exact same address. Okay, I’m going to give you what I would do in that situation. And then I’d love to hear Marco’s opinion on this as well. But what I would do is I would merge those two GM B’s the one that was shut down, I would contact Google My Business support and explain exactly what you just did to us without the SEO terminology, because you want to act dumb, or even, you know, you can act on behalf of the business owner. But I’ve done that in the past something similar where you know, there’s two GM B’s because of a tree service company bought another tree service company, for example. And so since they ended up sharing the same address, but it was different names and everything else, I don’t want to cause any PII issues, right where you can ambiguous ate the data for a particular business. So what I do is I contact Google My Business support and tell them, hey, this company bought this company there now. And you know, it’s now this name, but it’s in the same location, I want to merge the two and Google support Google, my business support will help you with that. I’ve had I’ve done that on multiple occasions. So that’s personally what I would do as far as the website. What I would do with the website is do a redirect. Right? If it’s ranking second, organically, I think you said yeah, second, organically, the website is got some authority, obviously. So if you’ve got the new website for the new brand, what I would do is do a redirect, I wouldn’t leave both of them up because it could cause some excuse me some NAEP issues and possibly some entity ambiguation. So I would like I said I would merge the two GM B’s you might have to contact you will likely have to contact GMB support to do that so that it can be done properly. For example, you know if you have I had another client that had a GMB where they had to they moved all they did was move locations so when they moved locations, they set up a new GMB instead of changing the original, like the information in the original GMB, they just set up a new one. And so when they came to me as when I, you know, brought them on as a client, they had a bunch of reviews for their old location, but they had their new location that had you know, just a hand a couple of reviews but they wanted to merge the two and so once again, I contacted GMB support and I had them merge the two. So they basically called and removed the old GMB from the old location, but merged all of the reviews into the new one under the new location. And so you can do those kinds of things as long as it’s 100%. legit, if it’s spam stuff, don’t even attempt it. But if it’s 100%, legit, then I would absolutely contact GMB support have the two merged. And then again, for the organic site, I would have that redirected to the new site so that you can push that authority over to the new site. Now that’s my method. Would anybody have a different opinion? merge and properly three? Oh, and I totally agree, is a having tool and maybe creating. Now, this is where duplicate matters, right? And, and the entity comes into play, and you create ambiguity, and then Google doesn’t Okay, so which dentist is which? And how does this all work? Because it’s a bot and it’s stupid. And if you don’t give it the information is not going to know. And you want to try to relate them to one to the other, and why what’s changed and all that you’re going to get into a whole lot of issues that you don’t want. Bradley told you exactly how to solve it, merge the GMB’s call and act really stupid with the owner as a matter lead to let the dentist’s quiet Look, I bought those dentists out and now he’s got a GMB and I got I let them work it out. And then you could properly 301 the old site to the new and gain from all that power that the old one has. And as a matter of fact, if you properly three or one, you could hammer the old website for a while and get the benefit into the new website.

Or you go so the next question. I’m not sure if well, I guess there is a question in there. It says guys, I’m looking both at land solutions and alpha land realty not typing these names for a reason. I don’t care. I know. I honestly don’t care that I’ve never tried to hide my homeland realty business. They’re public. Yeah, they’re public. I’ve always mentioned that and he said, anyway, I’ll finish the question then I’m going to comment and I’m sure Marco has some comments as well says I don’t see any good rankings there. In fact, I see a huge decline. I see a huge decline in something that was not very impressive anyway. Well, that’s okay. Because that not very impressive, impressive Alfa land realty site makes me between three and $15,000 a month and fucking month and has for a year and a half. So that’s not very impressive. They’re not you know, I’m sorry, I don’t know how to impress you. It works just fine for me. He says I know you do local use GM B’s ads, etc. You said, you said and you said it many times. It’s about calls and leads I get it but it looks more narrowed towards local map listing rather than a national campaign or global campaign. Mine is not a national or global campaign Alfa land realty is a Virginia based real estate acquisition company. All I target is Virginia. That’s all I’ve ever targeted since I set it up. And I use Google ads, direct mail and SEO, and I get all the damn leads that I want or can handle from those three methods. So and most of my traffic comes from direct mail I’m not gonna lie I do get leads from Google ads and from organic SEO, but those leads aren’t really the leads that I want. Those are typically not as good leads because I like to target specific land types in certain areas. And so with direct mail, I can do that. And so again, I’ve always I’ve never tried to hide the fact that I’ve not done a whole ton of SEO for Alfa land realty because I haven’t needed to most of the traffic that I generate is through direct mail. However, I do get probably eight to 12 leads per month from Google ads and or organic SEO but those they tend I bought several properties from you know, leads that have come in from either Google ads or from organic SEO, but most of them that come through aren’t those good they’re not that good leads because they’re not as targeted as I want them to be like I can do with direct mail. So again, I’ve never tried to hide that guys there’s no reason for me to I’m always honest with what’s going on in my business and it’s all been about Virginia land by land acquisitions in Virginia so I’ve been able to accomplish my goals with the methods that I’m using that solutions go ahead.

On the other hand is national and as a matter of fact we got we had a lead once from Bali so it’s it’s global. We did lead from somebody was selling land in Bali wanted us to do one to see if we would buy it I and I’ve prepared some some stuff that I that I want to share my skis Mind if I grabbed the screen shirt. Let me go here. And I can’t you got to give me permission or stop sharing your stop sharing mine. How about that? And I was Okay, here we go. Let me make sure I share the right one. Get rid of the porn. All right. So I saw this question and I came a look. Because I love the use of the turn of the phrase, I see a huge decline of something that was not very impressive anyway, wasn’t meant to be impressive was meant to get results. I’m not to impress anyone. I’ve never, I’ve never been it, I don’t want to impress you. All I want is the person here. If you can see my screen, when they come on here to fill out the fucking form. That’s all I want. Not to impress. So here we go. Are we seeing that position? I took a look. I don’t know how many top 10s I have. I but if I can scroll down? I don’t know. I can keep scrolling. Scrolling. Scrolling. Right. So you can see yes, it’s very local. It’s heavily local. How else would you target local real estate? Please, what are we talking about? Can we please define what we’re talking about first, because yes, even though this is National in nature, I have to target it locally. Or else, the person that’s looking to sell their land, in bumfuck, whatever, would never find me to sell me the land. So of course, I don’t know what it is you’re using you said hrs, I don’t use hrs. I don’t use sem rush, I don’t use any action. I use go, this is what I use. This is what tells me what it is that I’m doing. And whether what I’m doing works. Not only this, but while I was doing this, what’s so funny is let me pull this up in my G but look at the time 1:37pm I haven’t even opened because I was going through this, to show this during have to have a web web form fill came through. This is what I’m after man. Now, not you, you why user specific or targeted or whatever. But this is what I’m after I’m not after you. And I’m not after a dress to impress a dress and whatever the fuck it is they decide to give because I could give a shit about a trust and majestic. And and whoever else, you name it, I don’t care. I get my information from analytics, I get my information from the Search Console. That’s what tells me what to target. So I can get this because as Bradley said, Now these, what I do is I’ve been turning them over to the alpha land Realty, that you created Bradley. Yeah, the group, I’m sure you see me posting in there. And this is what I’ll do with this form. Because I have enough with what I’m doing with what I’m targeting in the states that I’m targeting. Or I’m good where I don’t know, four or five sales.

I wouldn’t say that much, let’s say three to four sales per month, three to four k average, well, that’s an extra 10 k in my pocket that I’m not expecting to see. I mean, and this is after expensives after expenses, after cost lawyers and everything else, it’s in my pocket is what I put in my pocket. That feels really nice. I don’t know about you, it may not be impressive to you. And I understand that. Okay, you may you probably make way more than I do, from something that just a side hustle, and a website that we haven’t done really anything to other than you know, we set up the SEO shield, some schema, some q&a, but not really giving it the love that it should not giving it all of the attention that we need to. Because since this is my main source of income, since this is just a playground, whatever I get here is perfect. I mean, this is fine for me, if I get I don’t know, 10 of these is what we’re getting per month, and I turn them over to the guys and and they can close a few. And they give me the commission. I mean that that’s an extra source of income in my pocket. So in addition to whatever it is that I’m closing and that I’m making every month, now this, this last solution network will also produce webform fills, where the guys who took Bradley’s training can go and they can get after these people make the offer and try to make that close and sell and put a couple of grand in their pocket. And they really didn’t have to do the effort other than to contact and try to close it. Because this person is hot. This person is hot to sell. They don’t go and find you organically unless they’re hard to sell this we know. So I’m sorry that you’re not impressed. But yeah, I mean, the other part of this what you said is so like calls and leads, because that’s the only way that you gonna make money. And I could be number one in everything and not making a penny and I could be selling it hot. Look, look, I’m number one. Number one. Number one, I’m not making a penny. And yet you’re going to fall for it. Because you see number one everywhere and is not really doing anything. So I mean, hopefully, this is the example you should be focusing on. We put everything through Google through analytics, and through search console. That’s what that personally, this is what I focus on. I don’t care about anything else. And I don’t care what anybody says about analytics and search console, because they’re generally wrong and they don’t know how to use it. And so they can’t see how it works. that’s their problem, not mine. All right, my hand a second, let me just finish my mastermind, people, my heavy hitter club and my mini mastermind. They know how to use this shit, because I’ve shown them how to use it. And how it is that you’re supposed to take a look at analytics and search console so that you can get the most benefit from it. And I’m done. Go ahead, man.

Yeah, no, I was just mentioning that, again. You know, I, I spent last year I’ve been running my alpha land realty business for about a year and a half now. And it’s, it only requires about eight to 10 hours a week now, because I’ve got personnel in place, and automations and systems and everything that I built took me months to build all of it. But now it just requires very little of my attention. Like I said, between eight to 10 hours a week on average. And for a period of time, I did spend more time on SEO and a lot of time in Google ads. But I’ve refined the Google Ads campaigns. And I realized, after starting to receive leads from just SEO and from Google ads, that those aren’t the best quality leads, because they’re often in random areas of the state that I’m not interested in, which ends up taking more time to research those markets to get to know those markets. I know which markets, I can flip properties in very quickly. And so those are the markets that I target and I target them more specifically with direct mail, because it’s a higher quality lead, and it works better for my business model. So again, it’s not I’ve never tried to, you know, sell people on the fact that my alpha land realty site was super optimized and all that shit. And everyone, it’s a single page landing page on Click Funnels, but still ranks. So what difference does it make, it generates me a very nice income with very little effort now, because I’ve built the systems and everything else. So anyways, if anybody’s interested in learning more about that specifically, reach out to support at Semantic Mastery, we’ve had a couple of people reach out in the last month or so and say that they’re interested in possibly joining a paid training group where you where I’ll teach how to flip land, it’s a great business guys, you can do it virtually from a computer at home, like out of I think I flipped. I don’t know, 28, maybe between 20 and 32 properties in the last year and a half. And I’ve only been to three of them. And it was only for very specific reasons that I went to three of them, I’ve been able to buy and sell land and make, like I said, on average, on my low end, in fact, this month, I only make 2300. But on my on my low months, it’s still a four figure profit. And on my good months, I’ve made five never made more than 16,000 in a month. But you know, that’s a really good income now for three to or excuse me for eight to 10 hours a week of effort. And so again, if anybody’s interested in that business, just reach out and say you’re interested in land flipping business. And once we get enough interest, I’ll put together another group and do some training on that it will be a paid training though, guys, so just keep that in mind. All right, we’ve got about 12 more minutes. I’m gonna grab the question. Question, though.

It was a good question. And we’re weren’t attacking you for your vote on another way. No, no. And and it’s good. I love this when people call you out. And it’s okay, so well, because the proof of a profit is and whether the prophecy comes true. If it doesn’t, then the profit is useless, right? So what we say is the results are what matter we need to be able to show results so that people who are in a dress and doubting I understand the doubt man, I understand the doubt. What I’m saying is your focus is wrong. I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m saying the focus that you’re giving it is wrong, because we’re not interested in HS. And they can show whatever they want. And you could go ahead and share. It’s the land some land solutions network, you can share it, you can go look at it, reverse engineer it, because we did a lot of nasty stuff in there a lot of testing, and it’s still it’s ongoing. We’ll get back to it and give it some love man, because we can take over a lot of stuff with the way that it’s ranking right now. At any rate, yeah, it’s not anything done to you or set to you specifically. It’s just that when you when you focus on Ah, they’re going to show you what they want majestic what they want SEMrush what they want. I only care about Google. That’s all I care about.

Yeah, and just one other thing about that is what’s interesting is if you take a look at my site, somebody’s got positions here. Oh, look at that son of a bitch anyways. But you can see like sell land fast, Virginia. We buy land Virginia, there’s a few other keywords that work really well for ranking. But if you take a look at my site, guys, it’s a single page landing page on clickfunnels, which clickfunnels doesn’t even give you the ability to optimize the page much there. You can’t really optimize the elements and Click Funnels. It’s very difficult. But that’s it. I mean, it’s a very simple site on a wide Firefox has been so slow, but that’s it. It’s that I mean, there’s no content marketing going on there. I’ve had a syndication network built but I never I don’t I don’t blog. I don’t publish posts. I don’t have I’m not doing GMB posts or anything like that. I do a few a handful of press releases per year. And that’s it. And that’s all I’ve had to do because look, I’m ranking number one in Virginia for my primary keywords the keywords from because I’ve run Google ads for this for a year and a half, I know which keywords produce conversions generate leads, those are the only keywords I give a shit about all the other ones I could care less about. It’s not a it’s not a it’s not a you know, a test to see how how many rankings I can get. In this case, it’s producing like I said, on the low end, four figures and on the high end five figures per month consistently month in and month out. And it has been for a year and a half. So I’d say it’s a success. And I don’t spend a lot of time on it anymore. I did four months but it’s it’s where it is now to where it’s on. It’s almost on autopilot requires very little my attention. So

I’m not sure what why am why Oh, niches What does that mean? Do you know what y m y l means?

Marco? You’re You’re muted

by the way.

What is okay?

Nevermind.

I’m sorry. Somebody want to answer that?

Now? I thought I thought it was something else. MF

Global campaign for y m y l niches? I’m not sure what that means. Okay. Um, are these methods suitable for current moments for something outside at the current moment? Excuse me for something outside local marketing? Yeah, of course. I mean, again, like if you I mean, Mark always talks about local is relative, right? Your local can be a neighborhood, a city, a county, a state, a country, or global, it really just depends you local is relative, you know, there, I’m just targeting on a statewide basis, because I found that it doesn’t make sense to target like, we buy land Culpepper, Virginia, we buy land, it doesn’t make sense to go through all of that additional effort for that particular project. Because again, like and here’s the other thing about that project. And tree services, people will go to Google because they got a tree that is overgrown or a dead tree that’s in danger of falling on their house or their car or something. So they need that service. So they go to Google, and they search tree service or tree removal, Tree Removal near me or tree removal and whatever their city is, right. But with the landowners and for again, for that business, it’s a lot of times these are people that own land that really doesn’t haven’t even considered selling it, they just pay taxes on it, you know, year in and year out. And so I all of a sudden send them a letter that says, hey, I’m interested in purchasing your vacant land parcel located at whatever, whatever. If you’re interested in receiving an all-cash offer, fill out this form at this website, or call this number, which goes to my call center. That’s it. And so again, you know, a lot of the times I’m targeting people that have land that doesn’t even know that they want to sell it, the ones that do think, well, I’ve got a piece of land I need to generate some money from there are the ones that go to Google and search for it. But I found again because those are in random areas throughout the state that I’m not specifically targeting and ends up requiring more research on my part. And then it’s a market that I’m unsure about whether I can flip it quickly and all that other kind of stuff. So it’s that uncertainty is the reason why I don’t like those leads as much Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still make offers on them. But I like the areas that I’m specifically targeting through direct mail those areas better So again, just to kind of explain.

it’s just a different model period. So why am while your money or your life. Okay? What is it your money or your life niche? Not sure what that means?

Is It Okay To Optimize Two YouTube Channels For One Money Site

Anyway, so we’re gonna move on fit says good agents, I have a client posting on two different YouTube channels, only one optimized, should they optimize both? And add the money to site to both thanks for all you do. Yeah, I guess you could, uh, I don’t see how that could hurt anything. As long as it’s the same brand. I mean, I guess it depends on what it is that you’re doing. What it is that they’re doing? If it’s the same brand, but like, perhaps two different topics, or for whatever reason, then then yeah, I don’t see why that would hurt anything. Um, that’s what I would do. I mean, obviously, I need some more details, Fitz, to be able to give you a better answer, then that but I mean, if it’s the same brand, I don’t see why you couldn’t, it wouldn’t cause any ambiguity as long as you’re not, you know, trying to create two different types of brands for the same company if that makes sense.

What’s The Drawback If A Google Drive Folder Is Shared To Anyone With The Link Vs Sharing It Publicly?

So Okay, the next question is a G Drive folder is shared to anyone with the link versus public on the web. What’s the drawback? Or is it completely useless to do it that way? Is it thoroughly tested? I’ve heard it’s still good for buffering if you share with anyone with the link, but don’t know about entity validation. What’s your take? Marco? That’s a question for you.

The link shared folder has no fucking use that has to be public on the web. Really? It has to be it won’t pass if you Uh, no. It has to be public on the web man. Hmm. Now, even if you try the iframe that anyone with the link, it has it if you don’t do it right, it has a frame breaker. So once you if it has a frame breaker then we were losing all the benefits from what we now know, as our ys Academy reloaded, right? Because that’s built upon the power of the iframes and how they work. Okay,

so you’re saying his shit has to be public on the web to provide the benefits public and if you can’t do it, don’t worry. Go to MGYB to order drive second t site from us because we can make it public.

What’s The Drawback If A Google Drive Folder Is Shared To Anyone With The Link?

There you go. Rob says thanks, guys. Baby’s up. What’s up, baby? I was wondering where the hell you are today. He says, Hey, guys, after I asked all the External links variations now it’s time for a new wave. So so we’re gonna go through several weeks Marco has some other topic but one topic.

Yeah. 1000 ways. Maybe I’m giving you shit, man, we appreciate you, man. There’s no there’s no question. He says, Does the organization schema have to be on each page or just the home page? What page or post should the organization schema on which should be an article scheme? Okay, that’s a great question. And I’ve recently because of POFU Live and some of the training I’ve received from there, I started digging into schema more and I only put organization schema as the only schema on the homepage now. But if you understand the connected schema, then you can, you’ll still can work organizations schema into like local business schema or into article schema because the organization can be the publisher, there’s it’s connected schema is like combining schema types, but it has to be done correctly, or else it will ambiguity of the page that multiple schemas are on. So in other words, you have to understand how to connect schema properly, it’s not something we’re going to cover here, you’d have to go to heavy hitter club, that’s you that’s the place to be if you want to learn how to do that stuff. I’ve been learning from Marco and Rob and also doing some research on my own. And I’ve just recently begun to understand the idea of the concept of connected schema. And so I was actually doing it wrong for a lot of my own local business sites for the last couple of years because I would put organization schema sitewide. And then on location pages, I would have local business schema also. But that actually ambiguous. It’s the main entity of that particular page unless you combine them into a connected schema. And then you designate the main entity of the page or you can ref local like for example, local business schema can be the primary schema for a location page, but it can reference the overall parent organization. The same thing for articles schema, Article schema is going the primary entity of the pages the article itself, right. But then you can reference the publisher as an organization, for example, or even the author could be an organization. And that can pull in all of your organization schema with your same as attributes and everything else. You have to learn how to put that together properly. And I didn’t know how to do that until after I went through POFU Live. And I got to watch some of our speakers, which by the way, you can buy POFU Live recordings right now. So if you want to get a really good bass training for what connected schema is, and how you can develop this kind of stuff out, go get the POFU Live recordings. And I just want to mention, as I said, I realized after the POFU Live event and hearing some of our guest speakers, that I really needed to step my schema game up. And so I’ve spent the last several weeks now actually really tightening up my schema on a lot of my lead gen properties. And I’m starting to see some significant results from that already. But as so organization schema can go on all the pages if it’s nested within the other schema properly. Otherwise, just put it on your homepage or your about page or both. It can be on both of those even. But for everything else that would have the main entity of the page have that only schema on that particular page only unless you’re using connected schemas. So essentially nested schema where it would reference organization schema, hopefully, that didn’t confuse a lot of people. Mark, do you want to comment on it before I move on?

parent, child-parent, you can have organization either on the homepage or on the about page don’t make both if you’re going to do that I prefer it on the own baby to that’s where the bot will generally come in and go through the rescue website. So that’s what I like. As far as everything else. I mean, no, yeah. Don’t ambiguity. You’re in big trouble, man. Yeah.

Yeah. And that’s the thing. Like if you have multiple schemas on a page, and they’re not, you can actually main entity of page that’s it. That’s an attribute that’s a type that you can designate so that you can specify which one it is but if you’re using connected schema, or like you said Parent-Child, nested schema is another term for it, then it should validate correctly. Anyway. But yeah, it’s an interesting man, I didn’t realize how much I was missing drugs and data world until we had the poker live event. Now, that was my main takeaway. And I’ve told that to everybody. I was like, my main takeaway was I need to step my schema game up. And so I spent and I’m still just scratching the surface, Robin, and Marco, and heavy hitter clubs where you want to go for all of that stuff. Guys, there’s no question. It’s what we’re teaching a heavy hitter, man.

Yep. All right.

Last thing, I’m just gonna answer the part two real quick. And then we’ve got to wrap it up. He says, What if the homepage is general info, the representation of the brand, sort of, and then there is long-form post, which is targeted for the main service, keyword example tree removal, how to place schemas there. Yeah. So again, that would be I would consider that article schema. And you can also nest within article schema services, right? You can mention service. You can even have like offer catalogs, all that kind of stuff. Again, it’s a, it can get very, very complex. So you have to understand what it is that you’re doing. But I would say like a main like service page where with an article that talks about services, you could create a service schema type, but I don’t think that’s as valuable. And I don’t know, maybe Marco can answer that. Or maybe this isn’t the proper place to answer that. But I’m testing right now with some of my Tree Service sites having the like Tree Removal page, for example, marked up as a service page. And then I’ve got others that are article pages with nested services in it. I think the article page with a nested service is the proper way to go but I don’t know and that’s why I’m kind of testing and comparing right now. Mark Oh, am I am I revealing too much or what?

Yeah. Because that’s stuff I mean, how we, how we create the relationships and and how we stack the schemas. What it’s what’s dealt with in the heavy hitter club.

There you go. So that was a tease, go go join heavy hitter club guys. It’s inexpensive, and it’s totally worth it if you want that kind of technical knowledge. So all right. Thanks, everybody for being here. We got to wrap it up. Everyone knows next week. Thanks, guys.

Source: Semantic Mastery Weekly SEO Q&A – Hump Day Hangouts – Episode 310 published first on your-t1-blog-url

[localwebmgmt]

Weekly SEO Q&A – Hump Day Hangouts – Episode 310

Click on the video above to watch Episode 310 of the Semantic Mastery Hump Day Hangouts.

Full timestamps with topics and times can be found at the link above.

The latest upcoming free SEO Q&A Hump Day Hangout can be found at http://semanticmastery.com/humpday.

Announcement

There’s a search console because that’s my go to I don’t care what anything else says. And right when I’m looking at everything, I had a form submission come in. So I got it, I got it, I got the screen capture because I had to blur out some stuff. So I’m going to be sharing that as soon as we’re ready to go.

And we are live Welcome everybody to Hump Day Hangouts, Episode 310. While Bradley’s doing some stuff in the background here, we’re gonna get going. I’m gonna say hi to the guys real quick. We got some quick announcements. And then I’m just scrolling through here. It looks like we’ve got a good number of questions. So with that said, Marco, I’m going to loop back to you, man, how you doing today? Like, by the way, like your shirt, you’re looking good.

I’m good, man. I’m sorry. I took it away from from my window. Should I have done that? I got I got I got a mess in the office right now. But you guys, you see? Nothing but like, Man, this is how I do to do I do. I can’t help it again. Come get some come get some guys. Just Just a quick word, stop relying on on third party vanity metrics for what’s going on on your website, according to Google. So you go to somebody else to see what’s going on in Google. I it for the life of me, I can’t figure that out. So in a minute, when we get to that question or five, whenever we get to it, I’m going to be sharing something on screen, just so you guys can see why you can’t go with third party vanity and domain authority then, whatever the hell it is you’re relying on. you’re relying on the wrong thing. And I’ll show you some and let’s see, I’ll get I thought it was muted. Sorry, Chris. How’s it going?

Doing good here? Good. They can complain and yeah, I think we got something pretty sweet coming. Oh, really? I made a video about something today, so, huh?

All right. Well, now I’m curious. I don’t even know what you’re talking about.

Well check Facebook.

Ah, all right. I will check it out. Bradley, you got the tech stuff done. Are you available?

Well, it’s the fucking video still not on know that on the page. Click Funnels bullshit. I’m tired of it. And I really am.

It’s still not even there we go. Yeah, it’s updated now.

Well, it’s not for me.

Gotcha. Well, we’ll circle back around. I’m going to type something in while I ask her not How you doing today, man?

Great, man. I’m in Miami. Having fun. Everything’s good.

Well, you got to talk for a little bit longer. I gotta, I gotta touch.

Okay. I’m in Miami. It’s raining. I’m having a lot of fun. This is awesome. And I’m waiting for Adam to stop typing so that he can keep on doing the intro. But did I mention that I mean, Miami? And

I’ve heard that you’re in Miami. Is that true?

No, I don’t know what you got that from? Yeah, man. How? how weak Are you really in the gym right now after all these months of no workouts? I’m a pussy. I’m doing like a D load quote-unquote, D load week right now. And I’m like, so sore. And I did like, two squats on Monday.

Those are right now, but we still had it. So.

Gotcha. All right. Well, I got a little note there. So if you’re watching us on YouTube, let us know. Also, if you’re somehow seeing this on the page, just shoot us a message let us know you can see it. But in the meantime, we’re gonna keep rolling and maybe figure something else out. But Bradley, how are you doing man? Besides page refreshes and caches?

Yeah, I’m just I’m tired of Click Funnels in their stupid fucking. There are always issues with Click Funnels, it seems to be getting worse. So anyway, maybe we can move the webinar on to a page on our site instead. I think we should probably do that. Because we won’t have to deal with this every week. It seems to be getting worse. So anyway, that said I, everybody.

Everything is fine. Yeah, that’s cool. Um, I’ve actually been testing out group funnels, maybe that’ll grab the lifetime account. And that came out, maybe we can just toss it on there and see if that works. Or just put it on the website, like you said, or do like a direct YouTube type of thing. love to see. But anyway, with that said, we have a couple of announcements. First of all, if you’re on the email list, that’s great. You’ve gotten the announcements about the POFU Live recordings, you got access to the little special offer we had to go in there. But if you’ve missed out on that, first of all, go to semantic mastery or go to Hump Day Hangouts. Just Google that and go to our page, enter your email address, so you can get notified about stuff like this. We do give special deals, special offers, and some bonuses to subscribers, but I’m also going to put it on the page here today. The recordings are available. Along with the recordings, you have the option to get executive summaries we’ve gone through and we’ve taken and distilled every single talk that we had into a quick basically reference guides. So you’ve got links, you’ve got the main points, so you can go back or have that open as you’re watching the talk. Super, super handy. So that will be on the page in just a minute. Oh, man, I am just losing my place like crazy today. I’ve got a couple more announcements. And while I hunt these down, did you guys have anything we need to also cover? Before we dive into things?

What about POFU?

About It was a great event.

Oh my god, what about it?

The live of the recordings are available, right?

Should be right.

Yes, that what I was just talking about or not my losing my mind about POFU.

I don’t know, but well I’m gonna keep running on because I don’t know where we’re going and this is gonna get pretty weird for people watching. So anyway, I do want to talk about one other thing, if you go to the SEOshield.com, the SEOshield.com that’s a great place. If you’re new to Semantic Mastery and MGYB You can find out how to shield your site and never worry about algorithm updates. Again, it’s a free training, just head over to the SEOshield.com and grab that if you’re more on the agency owner kind of consultant side and you want to get more clients to grow your revenue scale your team, head over to 2xyouragency.com. And last but not least, if you’re ready to grow your digital marketing business, your agency then you can join our experienced community. With the mastermind You can find out more about that at mastermind dot semantic mastery.com I like to go through these every time because we don’t know you know, we have new people watching every week. And those are some pretty typical questions we get from people, you know, hey, I’m just starting to watch you guys where the hell do I start? Right? Good question. So finding out about the SEO shield is great. Then we got people are saying hey, I either want to start or kind of grow my agency, I’m not sure what to do that’s to x your agency COMM And then we’ve got people, of course, are like, Hey, I’m in it, I want to grow, I want to be around other people like me who have got their agencies going who’ve got their businesses going. And that’s where the mastermind comes in. So those are the big ones. Of course, we mentioned MGYB, if you’re not familiar with that it’s mgyb.co, save time and money with done for you services. This is all stuff that we’ve used, and either converted into a done for you process or stuff that we had done for us. And now we’re offering it as well. So you can get it done for you and save time. So this is a great place to be like white labeling, things like press releases link building the SEO shield, for example. Lots more over there, too, and lots more coming. So with that said, guys, that’s it for the quick announcement. Anything else we want to cover before we dive into questions? I’m waiting around to say something No, just kidding. Wait, good. All right, let’s do it is that we got a bunch of questions already. So let me get the page pulled up here. And I’ll grab the screen.

This has got me all screwed up. Because the format has changed in the last couple of weeks. And after years of having one particular startup format. It’s hard to hard to transition.

All right,

you guys are seeing my screen now. Correct. Good to go. Yes.

Yep. All right.

What Is The Name Of The Upcoming Buffer Site S3 Creator?

Let me expand this a little bit. There we go. So the first question up says, Hi, you mentioned something about an upcoming buffer site s3 creator from ABS right? Yeah. Abbess. Rathje. As I think I’m saying his name correctly, I always feel like I’m mispronouncing that. Or he says, Can you please give us some URL or spell the product or the name as I can’t find anything? Yes, buffersites.com. It’s not available yet. But I believe it says coming soon. And I think he’s working on something because I recently got an email from him about kind of a technology that he created for that works with Amazon s3, hosted web pages, as well as some other type of web 2.0 sites and things like that. So I think buffersites.com is in the pipeline, but it’s not available yet. So that’s what it is buffersites.com and the developer’s name is Abbess Abbess. ABB BB as Rathje. And I think I always butcher his name when I try to say it. But he’s, he’s got many different types of software products out there that are fairly good. Some of them are but got a little bit of a learning curve, but he’s got like video marketing Blitz was one of them, it was a good product that we use for quite some time. So he’s got several different kinds of products out that you know, software programs that do things so that’s the one I was talking about.

Should You Make A Separate Page For Each Location When Siloing A Local Service Business Site?

Next question is Tommy says when creating location pages for a local service business, would you make a location page for the location the business is located in the business already has the primary location in the footer about, etc, and ranks on page two for keywords in the primary location on a general service page? Would it be overkill to create a location for it to and be duplicate content would appreciate your advice? Thanks. Now, if it’s a single location site, you don’t need to you don’t need a location page for it. The only time that I would recommend having location pages is if you have if it’s a multi-location business right? Because then you can, you’d have one location is typically going to be like a headquarters, right? Like the main location or, you know, the primary location, the first location, whatever you want to call it. And so that would be like what I would, you know, a lot of So for example, if I were to build a lead gen site that was optimized for one location, but then I decided, because let’s say it was really successful, and I decided to start expanding locations for that brand, then what I would do is I would make that, you know, the primary location would be the first location, and I would take that as kind of like the name, address and phone number for the primary location would be like the organization, you know, essentially, the main location for that multi-location business, and then I would create separate location pages for each individual, or additional location, I should say, that’s how I would do it. But yeah, I wouldn’t recommend creating a location page on a site that is optimized for one location. Because you’re it that that’s kind of, you know, Department of redundancy department, you know what I mean? So I would recommend that you don’t do that, you don’t need to do that. But what you can do is you can split out like suburbs, or, you know, I’m not, I’m not sure what how you’ve got your site structured, but you can create geo posts, that’s what I call it, but they’re locally optimized posts for localities within your service area, if it’s a service area business, I’m just assuming that it is. But it could be a storefront business, in which case, you wouldn’t even really need to do that either. But for service area businesses, like contractors, which is what I do, then what I would do is have the one location, you know, is probably the only location but then I would start optimizing content in what’s called geo posts, or what I call geo posts, which would be optimizing content for like the suburbs, the adjacent areas, that and then I would, you know, kind of optimize cut, my blogger does all this, but she’ll go out and pull in like points of interest, historical, you know, references, things like that, that are relevant to each individual, you know, suburb or municipality or whatever that I’m trying to expand into, and then show, you know, produce some content, you know, included about whatever products or services the company offers. And you can start to blog that way, so that you can start really kind of expanding your service area footprint, so to speak. But you don’t need to have a separate location page for the location. If it’s a one-location business, it just doesn’t make sense to do that, in my opinion. Any other input on that guy just said, there’s no such thing as a duplicate content.

And we see this all the time, no such thing as that happening. Now, as far as would it be overkill? to us that perfectly? The advice is that when looking at content is whether you’ve given the content, proper attribution. That’s all that matters. Because if you haven’t, then let’s say if your G site is really strong, it might outrank your money site. That’s the only problem you’re going to run into. But if you have proper attribution, if if Google understands where the master copy of the content resides, and there is no problem, there are only problems if you’re running like duplicate titles, duplicate descriptions, and things like that. But we’ve literally only changed location on content and run the same, like 15,000. More than that pages have the same content except for the location and it works. It’s working. Right now. I’m about to show you how it’s working right now. And when we get to that question, there is no such thing as duplicate content, you got the master copy. And then you have copies of that content. proper attribution takes care of any duplicate content issues, and so does canonical. If you canonicalize. correctly, you’re fine. You’re good to go.

There you go. Let me unpause the screen for a minute if I can find it. Okay.

What Do You Recommend For A Self-Hosted URL Shortener?

So the next question is from Jr. My guess, says, Hey, guys, do you have any well-recommended URL shortener? Excuse me? Do you have any good recommendations for a self-hosted URL shortener looking to set up one for a client to be public-facing so users can create short links easily from their website? Open to using a hosted solution if it exists? Thanks. Also, is there any SEO value for the target site if users create short links? So, Marco, you would be the one to answer that because we set that up for MGYB.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, there eventually will be SEO value once you power it up. However, how long is it going to take you to power up that URL shortener on that website that has no power to start with? Which is what you need, which is the reason why Well, the reason why just say use a shortener To make the URL easier to handle, right, when you’re sharing it, you don’t want this long 50 character URL, you want something short and memorable. That’s why Bitly for a while was so good. And then we started realizing the SEO value in Bitly, until they decided that they were going to 302. At well, then we went to the Google goog l URL shortener until they took it away. So we decided rather than rely on others, why not create our own power that up, give everybody the SEO value and the added benefit that you could go in, and I think it’s only for like five or six, I don’t know, seven bucks a month, I don’t even know. Use your own use of our shortener which is powered up. And then you could have your own URLs, right, you can have your own URL extensions, you could have your own. If you want to call them vanity, whatever you want to call them. They’re yours, but they reside in MGYB. And they continue to get powered up by dedhia. So I will be there’s the SEO benefit, the SEO benefit that you get is the power that’s behind that. But right from the start when you go and install that whether you do it on a subdomain on your client site, whether you use pretty links, whatever it is that you’re going to use is not going to have any SEO value until you power it up.

All right, there we go on the resume share again.

Because doing some background stuff. Alright.

Can You Make Multiple GStacks On One Google Account That Are Interconnected?

So the next question would be Hey, guys, the question on G stacks. Can I make multiple G stacks on one g account that are not interconnected? Uh, yeah, I suppose you could. Now I’m not sure why you would want to we separate them. But you know, Marco, now that we’re not using the script. There’s not a limitation on that, though. Is there?

Let me see, of course, there is.

Why would you want to go and break up the well, not a limitation? But why would you want to put two things that are unrelated in the same dry stack?

We go for G stacks under one account. So different g stacks, but yes,

no? No. Okay.

Oh, unless they’re totally relevant if I mean, if you can, if all right, same niche, yes, it makes sense. If you’re going to break up the niche, if it’s going to be totally unrelated, then No, they’re not because now you’re putting all your eggs. First of all, you’re putting all your eggs in one basket, right? Everything is in a Google takes that away, you’re gonna lose everything that’s in there. That’s why we turn over we create our own Gmail accounts. And we turn them over to you so that you can use it. And if you order 1000 from it, you’re gonna have 1000 Gmail accounts, but you can manage a whole lot of them from one account, which is what we recommend, you can are we send a letter, we send an email when we deliver the drive stack, and we tell you what to do with it, make your main account the manager of that account, so you never again have to go back into that account. But this way, you won’t take any chances in eliminating the public-facing dry stack and decide you’re not going to run any into any problems or getting locked up or anything like that. Right. And then we tell you to change the phone number, change the recovery, make sure that you can get in there eventually. But only if you have to only have you must, once we turn it over, there is absolutely no reason for you to go back in there. Unless you want to go in there and Tinker and then you’re on your own. So please understand what it is that we’re doing. And what it is that we recommend for you putting like 50 I don’t know you could you get 15 What is it 15 gigabytes in that drive stack, excuse me in Google Drive to play with. So there’s plenty of space in there for you to get multiples in. But you’re putting everything in one basket you’d be put you putting all your eggs in there, and you drop that fucking basket and all your eggs break, you better know how to make scrambled eggs.

Yeah, I agree with that limit, you know, mitigate your risk that way. And so you know, as Marco said, we deliver it with its own Gmail account. And that’s you know, the primary owner of the drive stack which you can always add you know, your main Gmail account or G Suite account, whatever as a manager or share it with that so you can still manage the stack from within your own account, but it’s owned by the other account that way you’re limiting your risk like Marco said, if that you had one account that had all of your G stacks in it and then something happened in it got suspended or terminated, then you’d be screwed. So I totally agree with what he says there.

Is It Better To Have An Old Google Account Better Than A Gsuite Account When Creating Drive Stacks?

Okay, the next question was which is better and old g account or a new G Suite account? Well, I’m always gonna say G Suite account because you’re paying Google that way and I use G Suite for freaking everything now. So if it’s a brand or a project that I know I’m going to be working on for any amount of time Other than just for testing purposes, I always set up G Suite accounts for everything. Now, that’s just my own personal preference. One thing you can do is if you have old Gmail accounts, you can set up a G Suite account through the old Gmail account. And that, I don’t know if that actually adds any additional benefit or not. But I can’t imagine it wouldn’t. You know, I can’t imagine that hurts anything. And so like, if you’ve got some old Jeep, like, for example, I have a Gmail account that I’d set up for Tree Service stuff way back in, I think, 2012, that I just recently decided to turn that into a brand and I created a G Suite account with that. Email is like the, you know, the, when you set up a G Suite account, you need to have an email account anyways, and all that, you know, to add to the system, so I use that one. And I think and again, I don’t know this without testing, but it makes sense that it would have some inherent authority built-in because it was an age, an old account, something that I had set up in 2012, that I just now turned into a G Suite account. Now again, I don’t know that that’s true. But it makes sense to do. So do you have any input on that as part of the entity validation, isn’t it? I wrote that when I wrote the black book, I mean, we’ve been recommending go G Suite, go pay Google, or pay Google for extra drive space, get that credit card, on file, get your stuff in the database. So now you’re a real thing on the web. Rather than someone trying to gain Google, you’re still trying to gain Google, but you’re going the extra step, which most people won’t do. And you go pay for ads, ads for branding, Brandy put out a great course, ads, I run ads, for branding purposes. So again, you’re going a step further validating your entity. This is all talked about how old is the black book about four years old? It’s all in there. I don’t know, you guys, it’s all available to you. I think we also send it with that email with that recommendation email. For us, excuse me, the user’s guide, done for your users’ guide is what we send out. And it’s all in there how to add validation to your entity pay Google, get your credit card, and Google, they’ll tell you that it doesn’t have any effect in rankings. And they the way that they’re saying it is right, I would say okay, that in and of itself doesn’t. But when you’re validating the entity, that part of it has a big, big play in what the end results are going to be.

Unknown Speaker 22:33 Absolutely. All right. So next is Oh, by the way, a couple of things I wanted to briefly mention I was distracted from the start-up for the webinar being rough again. But a couple of things. One, I want to talk about this, this great post in our free group Facebook group from Max Lucey fam bam, we had we did a webinar on Monday with Mike Martin for Lead Simplify if you guys haven’t seen it yet, I would highly recommend that you check it out. I know most of our audiences into local SEO, local client work or lead generation. And it’s a fantastic application. It’s very inexpensive, and it works really, really well. The lead simplifies the app, I use it in my own business. In fact, I started using it eight or 10 weeks ago, probably closer to 10 weeks ago now. And I reached out to the developer Mike Martin, specifically after I had set the app up and integrated it into my own lead gen business. Because I saw the value of it, I decided to reach out to Mike and the developer and asked him if we could promote it to our audience specifically, because, guys, you know, we don’t promote other people’s stuff ever. Unless we, ourselves, you know, or somebody in our, my partners or one of us in my company use something and can vouch for it. And so we rarely promote other people’s stuff. And in this case, I reached out specifically to try to ask if we could promote it because I think it is such a valuable app. And so the webinar was great. We had some technical difficulties at the beginning of that part of the reason why I was frustrated this today for Hump Day Hangouts, but I got that cleaned up. So now the replay is just the content. And it’s really good content about what he calls the hybrid lead generation model. It’s fantastic content, as well as the app itself, is very inexpensive and very useful. And I use it in my business now. So we also throw in a couple of bonuses that I use specifically for generating lead buyers. So basically prospecting for lead buyers. And it works really, really well. I’ve been bringing multiple new lead buyers into my business over the last several weeks because of this app, as well as the prospecting systems that I have built, which I share all of that in our bonuses, so I would highly recommend that you guys go check out the lead simplify webinar that we did with Mike on Monday, and check it out.

Also, I just wanted to give a shout out to max Lu See fam bam, for this great post that they posted about watching that webinar and becoming inspired, because of some, you know, basically having some issues with clients, client work can be very frustrating guys in I’ve said that over the years, there’s certainly ups and downs with client work. But I really have decided that you know, I don’t want to work with any more take on any new clients, I just want to work on building my lead gen business and for several of the reasons that were mentioned in this post here, as well. So just wanted to kind of point that out, give a shout out to Max, Max Luci for posting such a thoughtful and thorough posting here. And, you know, we’re excited to see you, we’re excited to see you excited, and I think you’re on the right track, build your own assets instead of others. Now don’t get me wrong, guys, if you got to do client work, to make money do it, you know, but at the same time, instead of always building other people’s businesses budget some time and some money to start building your own assets to so that you can be gain more control over your revenue, right and your future. Clients can fire you at any moment, right? They can stop paying you to go find the bargain basement $99 a month SEO from you know, India or wherever and fire you in a heartbeat. And what are you going to do? You know, one of the things in our mastermind is we’ve had people that have come in that have had, you know, perhaps one or two clients that provide 90% of their income. Like for example, like a 4000 or $5,000 a month retainer client, what happens if that client drops you and your, your, your 90% of your revenue is based upon that one client, does that make sense or just a couple of clients and then you lose one of them. And now you’ve cut your revenue in half or a third or whatever my point is, you know, start thinking of ways to generate your own assets so that you have more control over your, your revenue and your future. And, and so again, I’ve got clients now, and I’ve still got a handful, I just took a client on about seven, six or seven weeks ago now a new client, but I don’t think I want to take on any more clients unless they’re going to give me you know, a much higher retainer value than what I typically asked for, because I really just want to focus on building my own business. So I thought this was a really thoughtful post and I just wanted to give a shout out to there and also encourage you guys to go check out the replay.

How Do We Use of Text Transcripts From Videos For Traffic And Link Building Purposes?

Alright, any comments on that before I move on guys? Nah, perfect. Okay, Franklin says, Hey, guys, given the rise of video integration in SERPs, and Google taking snippets of sentences, and focusing more on YouTube and looking to get a syndication ring and look into backlinking for videos, is there anything we can do with text transcripts from our videos for traffic, and link building purposes. Um, you know, the only thing that I, I don’t, what I’ve done in the past that works fairly well, like with client work, especially is I’ve had, I’ve trained some of them. Like, for example, I’ve got an outdoor pest control company that does like mosquito control, take control, that kind of stuff. It’s a very seasonal business. But I trained their technicians to, like I told the company owners to tell their technicians to just when they go out on job sites, which are just people’s yards, essentially, to just take their phone out and grab, record a short video, like literally like, Hey, this is John, for a company name, I’m out in, you know, Fairfax, Virginia, providing mosquito control services. And, you know, if you want your yard to be tick free ticket, mosquito, free, contact us, and then drop a phone number, whatever. So very, very short little video clips that then they send to me, I upload them to YouTube, optimize them, and then have that transcribed, which is, you know, literally, it’s usually about a minute long the video or less, so cost a buck or a buck 50 to have it transcribed, and then embed that into a blog post with the transcription underneath. And that syndicates out to the branded network that’s attached to the, to the website, as well as the YouTube channel can be attached to that too. So both can be syndicated to it, that’s what I’ve done. And it just it that tends to work because it adds some text without having to have you know, it’s, it’s all done with just a video, right? a short video can be turned into a video plus a blog post with the text with the transcription, the call to action, everything that you need for additional content, you know, to multi-purpose the content. So that’s what I’ve done. Maybe somebody else here has some other suggestions for how to use text. But that’s pretty much the extent of what I’ve done. And that works quite well actually.

Anybody else? Yeah, I mean, what you could do lots with the transcript, right? You can add it to your page and it becomes part of the blog post when you embed the video on your website. The transcript can actually become the content on your pay. I mean, we recommend that this time and again right then you syndicate it, then when you do your embed, right With the video, you could do the page I mean, not just the video, you can do an embed run of that page. Right? Because then that it’s an iframe, and that’s perfectly fine. You want you’re not going to run into any duplicate content issues. But people are still going to say, Okay, yeah, there are problems there are. So that’s another thing that you could take the audio from that video and start going to the audio distribution, I’d SoundCloud would be one podcast, and then you can create a syndication network for that. And there are so many different things that you could do with that, to get tons of value, rather than just think, Okay, what I do with this transcript, you could also convert it into a PDF, a downloadable PDF on your website. Right? That content, so I framed the video. And rather than just put the text on there as content, you could put additional content on it, then a link to a PDF that people can download, then you go and submit that to all these PDF directories that you have all over the web. And, I mean, that’s, that’s another thing that you can do, really, you’re only limited by, by, you know, your imagination. And what you can come up with the limit is the things that you can think of to do with this content. Not that you have multiples, but you have video, you have audio, and you have text, and then that text can become a PDF, it can become any other kind of download, it can become an image, the text itself can become an image, you can do the question and answer images of each. I mean, it becomes what you could do becomes ridiculous. The thing is, is it necessary? And why are you needing to do all of this a lot of times, all of that just simply isn’t necessary because the process that we use, requires you to do as little work as you can for as much benefit as you can saving the bullets. In case you need more.

There you go. Always keep some, some in reserve, right.

How Do You Properly Optimize The GMB And Website Of An Old Business?

Okay. The next question is a basic GMB question. I have a client who bought his dental practice from another dentist. The old dentist GMB is ranking Okay, three in some map packs around the office. And second, organically what is the best approach try to merge in the GMB market is closed and rank the new one with the new business name for the web for a website, the old one as a pop up directing to the new site, should I take that site down or leave it up just worried about the possum, but I think I could rank them both, I would be fine with that both businesses have exact same address. Okay, I’m going to give you what I would do in that situation. And then I’d love to hear Marco’s opinion on this as well. But what I would do is I would merge those two GM B’s the one that was shut down, I would contact Google My Business support and explain exactly what you just did to us without the SEO terminology, because you want to act dumb, or even, you know, you can act on behalf of the business owner. But I’ve done that in the past something similar where you know, there’s two GM B’s because of a tree service company bought another tree service company, for example. And so since they ended up sharing the same address, but it was different names and everything else, I don’t want to cause any PII issues, right where you can ambiguous ate the data for a particular business. So what I do is I contact Google My Business support and tell them, hey, this company bought this company there now. And you know, it’s now this name, but it’s in the same location, I want to merge the two and Google support Google, my business support will help you with that. I’ve had I’ve done that on multiple occasions. So that’s personally what I would do as far as the website. What I would do with the website is do a redirect. Right? If it’s ranking second, organically, I think you said yeah, second, organically, the website is got some authority, obviously. So if you’ve got the new website for the new brand, what I would do is do a redirect, I wouldn’t leave both of them up because it could cause some excuse me some NAEP issues and possibly some entity ambiguation. So I would like I said I would merge the two GM B’s you might have to contact you will likely have to contact GMB support to do that so that it can be done properly. For example, you know if you have I had another client that had a GMB where they had to they moved all they did was move locations so when they moved locations, they set up a new GMB instead of changing the original, like the information in the original GMB, they just set up a new one. And so when they came to me as when I, you know, brought them on as a client, they had a bunch of reviews for their old location, but they had their new location that had you know, just a hand a couple of reviews but they wanted to merge the two and so once again, I contacted GMB support and I had them merge the two. So they basically called and removed the old GMB from the old location, but merged all of the reviews into the new one under the new location. And so you can do those kinds of things as long as it’s 100%. legit, if it’s spam stuff, don’t even attempt it. But if it’s 100%, legit, then I would absolutely contact GMB support have the two merged. And then again, for the organic site, I would have that redirected to the new site so that you can push that authority over to the new site. Now that’s my method. Would anybody have a different opinion? merge and properly three? Oh, and I totally agree, is a having tool and maybe creating. Now, this is where duplicate matters, right? And, and the entity comes into play, and you create ambiguity, and then Google doesn’t Okay, so which dentist is which? And how does this all work? Because it’s a bot and it’s stupid. And if you don’t give it the information is not going to know. And you want to try to relate them to one to the other, and why what’s changed and all that you’re going to get into a whole lot of issues that you don’t want. Bradley told you exactly how to solve it, merge the GMB’s call and act really stupid with the owner as a matter lead to let the dentist’s quiet Look, I bought those dentists out and now he’s got a GMB and I got I let them work it out. And then you could properly 301 the old site to the new and gain from all that power that the old one has. And as a matter of fact, if you properly three or one, you could hammer the old website for a while and get the benefit into the new website.

Or you go so the next question. I’m not sure if well, I guess there is a question in there. It says guys, I’m looking both at land solutions and alpha land realty not typing these names for a reason. I don’t care. I know. I honestly don’t care that I’ve never tried to hide my homeland realty business. They’re public. Yeah, they’re public. I’ve always mentioned that and he said, anyway, I’ll finish the question then I’m going to comment and I’m sure Marco has some comments as well says I don’t see any good rankings there. In fact, I see a huge decline. I see a huge decline in something that was not very impressive anyway. Well, that’s okay. Because that not very impressive, impressive Alfa land realty site makes me between three and $15,000 a month and fucking month and has for a year and a half. So that’s not very impressive. They’re not you know, I’m sorry, I don’t know how to impress you. It works just fine for me. He says I know you do local use GM B’s ads, etc. You said, you said and you said it many times. It’s about calls and leads I get it but it looks more narrowed towards local map listing rather than a national campaign or global campaign. Mine is not a national or global campaign Alfa land realty is a Virginia based real estate acquisition company. All I target is Virginia. That’s all I’ve ever targeted since I set it up. And I use Google ads, direct mail and SEO, and I get all the damn leads that I want or can handle from those three methods. So and most of my traffic comes from direct mail I’m not gonna lie I do get leads from Google ads and from organic SEO, but those leads aren’t really the leads that I want. Those are typically not as good leads because I like to target specific land types in certain areas. And so with direct mail, I can do that. And so again, I’ve always I’ve never tried to hide the fact that I’ve not done a whole ton of SEO for Alfa land realty because I haven’t needed to most of the traffic that I generate is through direct mail. However, I do get probably eight to 12 leads per month from Google ads and or organic SEO but those they tend I bought several properties from you know, leads that have come in from either Google ads or from organic SEO, but most of them that come through aren’t those good they’re not that good leads because they’re not as targeted as I want them to be like I can do with direct mail. So again, I’ve never tried to hide that guys there’s no reason for me to I’m always honest with what’s going on in my business and it’s all been about Virginia land by land acquisitions in Virginia so I’ve been able to accomplish my goals with the methods that I’m using that solutions go ahead.

On the other hand is national and as a matter of fact we got we had a lead once from Bali so it’s it’s global. We did lead from somebody was selling land in Bali wanted us to do one to see if we would buy it I and I’ve prepared some some stuff that I that I want to share my skis Mind if I grabbed the screen shirt. Let me go here. And I can’t you got to give me permission or stop sharing your stop sharing mine. How about that? And I was Okay, here we go. Let me make sure I share the right one. Get rid of the porn. All right. So I saw this question and I came a look. Because I love the use of the turn of the phrase, I see a huge decline of something that was not very impressive anyway, wasn’t meant to be impressive was meant to get results. I’m not to impress anyone. I’ve never, I’ve never been it, I don’t want to impress you. All I want is the person here. If you can see my screen, when they come on here to fill out the fucking form. That’s all I want. Not to impress. So here we go. Are we seeing that position? I took a look. I don’t know how many top 10s I have. I but if I can scroll down? I don’t know. I can keep scrolling. Scrolling. Scrolling. Right. So you can see yes, it’s very local. It’s heavily local. How else would you target local real estate? Please, what are we talking about? Can we please define what we’re talking about first, because yes, even though this is National in nature, I have to target it locally. Or else, the person that’s looking to sell their land, in bumfuck, whatever, would never find me to sell me the land. So of course, I don’t know what it is you��re using you said hrs, I don’t use hrs. I don’t use sem rush, I don’t use any action. I use go, this is what I use. This is what tells me what it is that I’m doing. And whether what I’m doing works. Not only this, but while I was doing this, what’s so funny is let me pull this up in my G but look at the time 1:37pm I haven’t even opened because I was going through this, to show this during have to have a web web form fill came through. This is what I’m after man. Now, not you, you why user specific or targeted or whatever. But this is what I’m after I’m not after you. And I’m not after a dress to impress a dress and whatever the fuck it is they decide to give because I could give a shit about a trust and majestic. And and whoever else, you name it, I don’t care. I get my information from analytics, I get my information from the Search Console. That’s what tells me what to target. So I can get this because as Bradley said, Now these, what I do is I’ve been turning them over to the alpha land Realty, that you created Bradley. Yeah, the group, I’m sure you see me posting in there. And this is what I’ll do with this form. Because I have enough with what I’m doing with what I’m targeting in the states that I’m targeting. Or I’m good where I don’t know, four or five sales.

I wouldn’t say that much, let’s say three to four sales per month, three to four k average, well, that’s an extra 10 k in my pocket that I’m not expecting to see. I mean, and this is after expensives after expenses, after cost lawyers and everything else, it’s in my pocket is what I put in my pocket. That feels really nice. I don’t know about you, it may not be impressive to you. And I understand that. Okay, you may you probably make way more than I do, from something that just a side hustle, and a website that we haven’t done really anything to other than you know, we set up the SEO shield, some schema, some q&a, but not really giving it the love that it should not giving it all of the attention that we need to. Because since this is my main source of income, since this is just a playground, whatever I get here is perfect. I mean, this is fine for me, if I get I don’t know, 10 of these is what we’re getting per month, and I turn them over to the guys and and they can close a few. And they give me the commission. I mean that that’s an extra source of income in my pocket. So in addition to whatever it is that I’m closing and that I’m making every month, now this, this last solution network will also produce webform fills, where the guys who took Bradley’s training can go and they can get after these people make the offer and try to make that close and sell and put a couple of grand in their pocket. And they really didn’t have to do the effort other than to contact and try to close it. Because this person is hot. This person is hot to sell. They don’t go and find you organically unless they’re hard to sell this we know. So I’m sorry that you’re not impressed. But yeah, I mean, the other part of this what you said is so like calls and leads, because that’s the only way that you gonna make money. And I could be number one in everything and not making a penny and I could be selling it hot. Look, look, I’m number one. Number one. Number one, I’m not making a penny. And yet you’re going to fall for it. Because you see number one everywhere and is not really doing anything. So I mean, hopefully, this is the example you should be focusing on. We put everything through Google through analytics, and through search console. That’s what that personally, this is what I focus on. I don’t care about anything else. And I don’t care what anybody says about analytics and search console, because they’re generally wrong and they don’t know how to use it. And so they can’t see how it works. that’s their problem, not mine. All right, my hand a second, let me just finish my mastermind, people, my heavy hitter club and my mini mastermind. They know how to use this shit, because I’ve shown them how to use it. And how it is that you’re supposed to take a look at analytics and search console so that you can get the most benefit from it. And I’m done. Go ahead, man.

Yeah, no, I was just mentioning that, again. You know, I, I spent last year I’ve been running my alpha land realty business for about a year and a half now. And it’s, it only requires about eight to 10 hours a week now, because I’ve got personnel in place, and automations and systems and everything that I built took me months to build all of it. But now it just requires very little of my attention. Like I said, between eight to 10 hours a week on average. And for a period of time, I did spend more time on SEO and a lot of time in Google ads. But I’ve refined the Google Ads campaigns. And I realized, after starting to receive leads from just SEO and from Google ads, that those aren’t the best quality leads, because they’re often in random areas of the state that I’m not interested in, which ends up taking more time to research those markets to get to know those markets. I know which markets, I can flip properties in very quickly. And so those are the markets that I target and I target them more specifically with direct mail, because it’s a higher quality lead, and it works better for my business model. So again, it’s not I’ve never tried to, you know, sell people on the fact that my alpha land realty site was super optimized and all that shit. And everyone, it’s a single page landing page on Click Funnels, but still ranks. So what difference does it make, it generates me a very nice income with very little effort now, because I’ve built the systems and everything else. So anyways, if anybody’s interested in learning more about that specifically, reach out to support at Semantic Mastery, we’ve had a couple of people reach out in the last month or so and say that they’re interested in possibly joining a paid training group where you where I’ll teach how to flip land, it’s a great business guys, you can do it virtually from a computer at home, like out of I think I flipped. I don’t know, 28, maybe between 20 and 32 properties in the last year and a half. And I’ve only been to three of them. And it was only for very specific reasons that I went to three of them, I’ve been able to buy and sell land and make, like I said, on average, on my low end, in fact, this month, I only make 2300. But on my on my low months, it’s still a four figure profit. And on my good months, I’ve made five never made more than 16,000 in a month. But you know, that’s a really good income now for three to or excuse me for eight to 10 hours a week of effort. And so again, if anybody’s interested in that business, just reach out and say you’re interested in land flipping business. And once we get enough interest, I’ll put together another group and do some training on that it will be a paid training though, guys, so just keep that in mind. All right, we’ve got about 12 more minutes. I’m gonna grab the question. Question, though.

It was a good question. And we’re weren’t attacking you for your vote on another way. No, no. And and it’s good. I love this when people call you out. And it’s okay, so well, because the proof of a profit is and whether the prophecy comes true. If it doesn’t, then the profit is useless, right? So what we say is the results are what matter we need to be able to show results so that people who are in a dress and doubting I understand the doubt man, I understand the doubt. What I’m saying is your focus is wrong. I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m saying the focus that you’re giving it is wrong, because we’re not interested in HS. And they can show whatever they want. And you could go ahead and share. It’s the land some land solutions network, you can share it, you can go look at it, reverse engineer it, because we did a lot of nasty stuff in there a lot of testing, and it’s still it’s ongoing. We’ll get back to it and give it some love man, because we can take over a lot of stuff with the way that it’s ranking right now. At any rate, yeah, it’s not anything done to you or set to you specifically. It’s just that when you when you focus on Ah, they’re going to show you what they want majestic what they want SEMrush what they want. I only care about Google. That’s all I care about.

Yeah, and just one other thing about that is what’s interesting is if you take a look at my site, somebody’s got positions here. Oh, look at that son of a bitch anyways. But you can see like sell land fast, Virginia. We buy land Virginia, there’s a few other keywords that work really well for ranking. But if you take a look at my site, guys, it’s a single page landing page on clickfunnels, which clickfunnels doesn’t even give you the ability to optimize the page much there. You can’t really optimize the elements and Click Funnels. It’s very difficult. But that’s it. I mean, it’s a very simple site on a wide Firefox has been so slow, but that’s it. It’s that I mean, there’s no content marketing going on there. I’ve had a syndication network built but I never I don’t I don’t blog. I don’t publish posts. I don’t have I’m not doing GMB posts or anything like that. I do a few a handful of press releases per year. And that’s it. And that’s all I’ve had to do because look, I’m ranking number one in Virginia for my primary keywords the keywords from because I’ve run Google ads for this for a year and a half, I know which keywords produce conversions generate leads, those are the only keywords I give a shit about all the other ones I could care less about. It’s not a it’s not a it’s not a you know, a test to see how how many rankings I can get. In this case, it’s producing like I said, on the low end, four figures and on the high end five figures per month consistently month in and month out. And it has been for a year and a half. So I’d say it’s a success. And I don’t spend a lot of time on it anymore. I did four months but it’s it’s where it is now to where it’s on. It’s almost on autopilot requires very little my attention. So

I’m not sure what why am why Oh, niches What does that mean? Do you know what y m y l means?

Marco? You’re You’re muted

by the way.

What is okay?

Nevermind.

I’m sorry. Somebody want to answer that?

Now? I thought I thought it was something else. MF

Global campaign for y m y l niches? I’m not sure what that means. Okay. Um, are these methods suitable for current moments for something outside at the current moment? Excuse me for something outside local marketing? Yeah, of course. I mean, again, like if you I mean, Mark always talks about local is relative, right? Your local can be a neighborhood, a city, a county, a state, a country, or global, it really just depends you local is relative, you know, there, I’m just targeting on a statewide basis, because I found that it doesn’t make sense to target like, we buy land Culpepper, Virginia, we buy land, it doesn’t make sense to go through all of that additional effort for that particular project. Because again, like and here’s the other thing about that project. And tree services, people will go to Google because they got a tree that is overgrown or a dead tree that’s in danger of falling on their house or their car or something. So they need that service. So they go to Google, and they search tree service or tree removal, Tree Removal near me or tree removal and whatever their city is, right. But with the landowners and for again, for that business, it’s a lot of times these are people that own land that really doesn’t haven’t even considered selling it, they just pay taxes on it, you know, year in and year out. And so I all of a sudden send them a letter that says, hey, I’m interested in purchasing your vacant land parcel located at whatever, whatever. If you’re interested in receiving an all-cash offer, fill out this form at this website, or call this number, which goes to my call center. That’s it. And so again, you know, a lot of the times I’m targeting people that have land that doesn’t even know that they want to sell it, the ones that do think, well, I’ve got a piece of land I need to generate some money from there are the ones that go to Google and search for it. But I found again because those are in random areas throughout the state that I’m not specifically targeting and ends up requiring more research on my part. And then it’s a market that I’m unsure about whether I can flip it quickly and all that other kind of stuff. So it’s that uncertainty is the reason why I don’t like those leads as much Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still make offers on them. But I like the areas that I’m specifically targeting through direct mail those areas better So again, just to kind of explain.

it’s just a different model period. So why am while your money or your life. Okay? What is it your money or your life niche? Not sure what that means?

Is It Okay To Optimize Two YouTube Channels For One Money Site

Anyway, so we’re gonna move on fit says good agents, I have a client posting on two different YouTube channels, only one optimized, should they optimize both? And add the money to site to both thanks for all you do. Yeah, I guess you could, uh, I don’t see how that could hurt anything. As long as it’s the same brand. I mean, I guess it depends on what it is that you’re doing. What it is that they’re doing? If it’s the same brand, but like, perhaps two different topics, or for whatever reason, then then yeah, I don’t see why that would hurt anything. Um, that’s what I would do. I mean, obviously, I need some more details, Fitz, to be able to give you a better answer, then that but I mean, if it’s the same brand, I don’t see why you couldn’t, it wouldn’t cause any ambiguity as long as you’re not, you know, trying to create two different types of brands for the same company if that makes sense.

What’s The Drawback If A Google Drive Folder Is Shared To Anyone With The Link Vs Sharing It Publicly?

So Okay, the next question is a G Drive folder is shared to anyone with the link versus public on the web. What’s the drawback? Or is it completely useless to do it that way? Is it thoroughly tested? I’ve heard it’s still good for buffering if you share with anyone with the link, but don’t know about entity validation. What’s your take? Marco? That’s a question for you.

The link shared folder has no fucking use that has to be public on the web. Really? It has to be it won’t pass if you Uh, no. It has to be public on the web man. Hmm. Now, even if you try the iframe that anyone with the link, it has it if you don’t do it right, it has a frame breaker. So once you if it has a frame breaker then we were losing all the benefits from what we now know, as our ys Academy reloaded, right? Because that’s built upon the power of the iframes and how they work. Okay,

so you’re saying his shit has to be public on the web to provide the benefits public and if you can’t do it, don’t worry. Go to MGYB to order drive second t site from us because we can make it public.

What’s The Drawback If A Google Drive Folder Is Shared To Anyone With The Link?

There you go. Rob says thanks, guys. Baby’s up. What’s up, baby? I was wondering where the hell you are today. He says, Hey, guys, after I asked all the External links variations now it’s time for a new wave. So so we’re gonna go through several weeks Marco has some other topic but one topic.

Yeah. 1000 ways. Maybe I’m giving you shit, man, we appreciate you, man. There’s no there’s no question. He says, Does the organization schema have to be on each page or just the home page? What page or post should the organization schema on which should be an article scheme? Okay, that’s a great question. And I’ve recently because of POFU Live and some of the training I’ve received from there, I started digging into schema more and I only put organization schema as the only schema on the homepage now. But if you understand the connected schema, then you can, you’ll still can work organizations schema into like local business schema or into article schema because the organization can be the publisher, there’s it’s connected schema is like combining schema types, but it has to be done correctly, or else it will ambiguity of the page that multiple schemas are on. So in other words, you have to understand how to connect schema properly, it’s not something we’re going to cover here, you’d have to go to heavy hitter club, that’s you that’s the place to be if you want to learn how to do that stuff. I’ve been learning from Marco and Rob and also doing some research on my own. And I’ve just recently begun to understand the idea of the concept of connected schema. And so I was actually doing it wrong for a lot of my own local business sites for the last couple of years because I would put organization schema sitewide. And then on location pages, I would have local business schema also. But that actually ambiguous. It’s the main entity of that particular page unless you combine them into a connected schema. And then you designate the main entity of the page or you can ref local like for example, local business schema can be the primary schema for a location page, but it can reference the overall parent organization. The same thing for articles schema, Article schema is going the primary entity of the pages the article itself, right. But then you can reference the publisher as an organization, for example, or even the author could be an organization. And that can pull in all of your organization schema with your same as attributes and everything else. You have to learn how to put that together properly. And I didn’t know how to do that until after I went through POFU Live. And I got to watch some of our speakers, which by the way, you can buy POFU Live recordings right now. So if you want to get a really good bass training for what connected schema is, and how you can develop this kind of stuff out, go get the POFU Live recordings. And I just want to mention, as I said, I realized after the POFU Live event and hearing some of our guest speakers, that I really needed to step my schema game up. And so I’ve spent the last several weeks now actually really tightening up my schema on a lot of my lead gen properties. And I’m starting to see some significant results from that already. But as so organization schema can go on all the pages if it’s nested within the other schema properly. Otherwise, just put it on your homepage or your about page or both. It can be on both of those even. But for everything else that would have the main entity of the page have that only schema on that particular page only unless you’re using connected schemas. So essentially nested schema where it would reference organization schema, hopefully, that didn’t confuse a lot of people. Mark, do you want to comment on it before I move on?

parent, child-parent, you can have organization either on the homepage or on the about page don’t make both if you’re going to do that I prefer it on the own baby to that’s where the bot will generally come in and go through the rescue website. So that’s what I like. As far as everything else. I mean, no, yeah. Don’t ambiguity. You’re in big trouble, man. Yeah.

Yeah. And that’s the thing. Like if you have multiple schemas on a page, and they’re not, you can actually main entity of page that’s it. That’s an attribute that’s a type that you can designate so that you can specify which one it is but if you’re using connected schema, or like you said Parent-Child, nested schema is another term for it, then it should validate correctly. Anyway. But yeah, it’s an interesting man, I didn’t realize how much I was missing drugs and data world until we had the poker live event. Now, that was my main takeaway. And I’ve told that to everybody. I was like, my main takeaway was I need to step my schema game up. And so I spent and I’m still just scratching the surface, Robin, and Marco, and heavy hitter clubs where you want to go for all of that stuff. Guys, there’s no question. It’s what we’re teaching a heavy hitter, man.

Yep. All right.

Last thing, I’m just gonna answer the part two real quick. And then we’ve got to wrap it up. He says, What if the homepage is general info, the representation of the brand, sort of, and then there is long-form post, which is targeted for the main service, keyword example tree removal, how to place schemas there. Yeah. So again, that would be I would consider that article schema. And you can also nest within article schema services, right? You can mention service. You can even have like offer catalogs, all that kind of stuff. Again, it’s a, it can get very, very complex. So you have to understand what it is that you’re doing. But I would say like a main like service page where with an article that talks about services, you could create a service schema type, but I don’t think that’s as valuable. And I don’t know, maybe Marco can answer that. Or maybe this isn’t the proper place to answer that. But I’m testing right now with some of my Tree Service sites having the like Tree Removal page, for example, marked up as a service page. And then I’ve got others that are article pages with nested services in it. I think the article page with a nested service is the proper way to go but I don’t know and that’s why I’m kind of testing and comparing right now. Mark Oh, am I am I revealing too much or what?

Yeah. Because that’s stuff I mean, how we, how we create the relationships and and how we stack the schemas. What it’s what’s dealt with in the heavy hitter club.

There you go. So that was a tease, go go join heavy hitter club guys. It’s inexpensive, and it’s totally worth it if you want that kind of technical knowledge. So all right. Thanks, everybody for being here. We got to wrap it up. Everyone knows next week. Thanks, guys.

Source: Semantic Mastery Weekly SEO Q&A – Hump Day Hangouts – Episode 310 published first on your-t1-blog-url

[lost-along-the-wave]

Books I'll Love Forever

I can't for the life of me remember which book caused me to fall madly in love with books but I'm very glad I did. So to spread my absolute love of books, here are some of the ones I've read a hundred times and to this day still fall in love with every single time. ( In no particular order) P. S. I have a habit of loving a book even more if it totally and completely breaks my heart. • If I Stay by Gayle Forman As the first book that ever actually made me cry, this story will always hold a special place in my heart. At first glance it seems to be nothing more than a tragic love story but it is so much more. This story is about the love of a family and it tries a new angle on the idea of loss. Mia's story is equal parts heartbreaking and heartwarming. • The Perks Of Being A Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky This book is everything. I read this for the first time in 10th grade and I'd never found a character so relatable before. This book is perfect for a coming of age novel and it is strikingly real. Despite never really being in any of the situations myself, it is written in a way that resonates. • We Were Liars by E. Lockhart This is in the running for my all time favourite book. This book is written so beautifully and so well that despite how many times I've read it, I still can't find a way to predict the twist that broke my heart. The language is also so perfect that I often find myself getting lost in it. • Away We Go by Emil Ostrovski Admittedly I only bought this book because of the colourful cover and the Peter Pan references but I've never been more thankful for my quick judgment. This book is a story of loving someone who loves someone else, who loves someone else, etc. Basically no one is loved by who they want to be loved by and that's not even the most heartbreaking thing about their lives or lack thereof. This book broke my heart in almost every chapter. • I'll Give You The Sun by Jandy Nelson This is the book that made me fall in love with the name Jude for a girl. Told in two different perspectives in two different times this book will leave you feeling both content and sad but you'll fall in love with the characters who are just trying to find their way. • The Strange And Beautiful Sorrows Of Ava Lavender by Leslye Walton When I first started reading this book my first thought was "umm…what?", but surprisingly it didn't turn out how I thought it would. This story is just as the title implies, strange and beautiful sorrows, but it is so beautifully written and the story is so mesmerizing that you'll forget about all the strangeness and fall in love with the beautiful. • Simon Vs The Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli Full disclosure this is my favourite book that isn't heartbreakingly tragic. It is equally funny, meaningful, and sad. It shows insight into the mind of a closeted gay teenager threatened with being outed but it surprised me how subtly it was placed into the the story. Most of this book just made me laugh and towards the end it made my heart hurt but the real reason I love this book is because of the beautiful messages within it about race, sexuality, friendship, and life. • The Impossible Knife Of Memory by Laurie Halse Anderson Post traumatic stress disorder is a common diagnosis in war veterans but is often brushed aside or overlooked. This book tells the story of a daughter who's father is exactly that. It poetically describes what it is like to have a loved one live with the mental illness without sugar coating it too much. I don't know who my heart broke for more; the daughter or her father. • Me And Earl And The Dying Girl by Jesse Andrews The title pretty much gives away the whole plot of the book but what it doesn't tell you is how totally random, weird, funny and heartbreaking the story truly is. A lot of times I had to put the book down and say "what the fuck?", because a lot of this plot is questionable, but all in all it's a very good read and it's very subtle about it's heartbreak. • Me Being Me Is Exactly As Insane As You Being You by Todd Hasak-Lowry This book is definitely not for everyone, it certainly took some getting used to for me, not because of the story itself but how it's formatted. The book is written entirely in lists. Yes lists. Every "chapter" starts of with a title like "4 Things I Noticed In The Span Of 30 Seconds" and then will go on to list them. The story is a little weird but it's an interesting read. • Two Boys Kissing by David Levithan You might recognize the authors name as he co-wrote Will Grayson Will Grayson with John Green but this book is probably not what you're expecting. There are three different stories being told but they're being told by the same person, or people I guess. The narrative is in the perspective of all the people who have died from AIDS looking down at the world and watching these stories play out. It's definitely worth the read. • All The Missing Girls by Megan Miranda Honestly this book made me remember why I have a love hate relationship with mystery novels. This books starts off at the present time and the jumps to 15 days in the future. If that's not infuriating enough it then proceeds to go backwards from day 15 to day 1 in order to piece together the mystery from the present and a similar one 10 years in the past. Unfortunately I couldn't put it down. • The Rest Of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness I don't know about you but I've always wondered what happened to the people who were just kind of there for the drama but didn't play a role in it. Like in the Harry Potter books hundreds of kids attended Hogwarts but only like 10 of them were actually relevant to the plot. What about the rest of them? This book is them. Not literally them, this is not a Harry Potter book, but it is in the perspective of the other guys, well four of them at least. They're very away of everything that happens and the treat it like it's a normal occurrence, like the vampires attacking was just another day for them. • We Are All Made Of Molecules by Susin Neilsen As a child of a broken family this book was very relatable for me despite the characters being younger than me. Blended families can be a weird change and it's not always as easy as it may seem and I think this book beautifully shows how much of a struggle it really can be. • A List Of Cages by Robin Roe This book deals with abuse and some parts made me physically sick to my stomach. One of the main characters is portrayed as innocent in every way and I'm still not sure whether that makes it worse or not. There are also some very beautiful parts in this book and that's part of the reason I couldn't put it down. • Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell There are not enough words to describe how I feel about this book. It is about defying stereotypes, discovering who you are, falling in love, being set free, being comfortable with yourself, and so so much more. Many of my friends will say that this is their all time favourite book. Very strong recommendation for this breathtaking story. • Aristotle And Dante Discover The Secrets Of The Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz Of all the books I've read this is the book I can quote the most. I fell in love from the very first page and the story never let me forget it. This story is about growing up, but at the same time it's not. It's about all the things the world has to offer, you just need to find the right person to show you. I gave my whole heart to this book and I still don't regret it. • It's Kind Of A Funny Story by Ned Vizzini I committed a serious crime with this story; I watched the movie first. Thank goodness the book was 1000x better because wow that movie, while still very good, was a train wreck. Craig's story is so breathtakingly honest and pure that it helped me understand myself a little bit more. It's alright to not know what's going to happen, just focus on what's happening now. • Suicide Notes From Beautiful Girls by Lynn Weingarten Spoiler alert: to the best of my knowledge this book did not contain a single suicide note that I can remember. Mostly this book is focused on the why but not in the normal way. It's not why did she kill herself, it's why did she kill herself that way. Friendship is a blessing and a curse because you might think you know someone but you might not know them at all. Honestly this book makes me so angry because despite the many conversations I've had with my friends we still haven't come up with a solid understanding of the ending. Please help. • Everything, Everything by Nicola Yoon Again this is one of those novels that sweeps me off my feet with the beautiful imagery in the language. I can practically feel myself in the story and crazy twist at the end is not something I ever could've predicted. It's an easy story to love. • Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire I read this book in 7th grade which admittedly was wayyyyy to young for the type of content in this book. Unlike most of the previous books this one is a little more your normal romance book. Two college kids make a deal to be friends, fall in love, have a bunch of fights/breakups, etc. I know what you're thinking, "Why is this book even on the list?" To be honest I debated for a long time whether or not to include it but I ultimately decided that it is still one of my favourite books because Travis and Abby are just too damn cute. • Remember To Forget by Ashley Royer This is the book that got me hooked on Wattpad. For those of you who don't know it's an app/website where people can write and post stories for anyone to read as long as they have an account, don't worry it's free :). This book, like a lot of Wattpad stories, started out as a Five Seconds Of Summer fanfiction but was rewritten and edited when it actually got published. Yes I do read 5SOS fanfic every now and again and yes I was obsessed for a while but now most of the stories I read are regular teen fiction and trust there are some amazing writers out there. If you want to get the app, or already have it, and are looking for some reading suggestions feel free to ask :) This book is about moving on a letting go and realizing that it's okay to let people help you. • History Is All You Left Me By Adam Silvera As a story that broke my heart approximately 2 pages in it will always be a story I'll love. The plot focuses on Griffin and jumps between the past and present telling stories of his life with and without his ex boyfriend. Beautifully written, heartfelt, and tragic this novel is everything.

[katesattic]

My Experience with Anxiety and Depression [and How Supernatural and Thomas Sanders (Unknowingly) Helped] #BellLetsTalk

I wanted to do something completely out of my comfort zone; I wanted to make a video about it. But then I kind of got sick and lost my voice. So that option’s kind of out. And with only two days until the event there is no way I would be giving myself enough time to learn how to edit, so even with my voice now coming back, there still wouldn’t be enough time. So, maybe I’ll try to make a video for next year. So here we are. Back to my usual format: writing.  And that’s OK. I can probably better articulate my thoughts this way anyway.

So, where do I start? Death anxiety? Social anxiety? Generalised anxiety? Depression? I guess with the death anxiety? I view it as my longest anxiety, though I could have possibly had the social anxiety longer, it was the death anxiety that was more difficult to cope with. Why don’t I just split it up into four parts so this way I’m not going back and forth on which I had when. We can focus on the chronology of each individually.

DEATH ANXIETY

So this one arose, as you could image, as the result of a loved one passing away. My grandmother specifically, though I called her Nanny, and to make things easier on myself, that’s what I’ll continue to call her.

I was no stranger to death. My younger sister, my baby brother’s twin, died at nine days old. At the time, I was three.  I definitely knew my parents were sad and that our family would be different yet again (nine days ago we went from a family of four to a family of six, now we were down to five). I knew things were going to be different, but I don’t think I understood the gravity of the situation. I don’t think I knew how finite death actually was.

Seven years later, I was ten, and my cat had been put down. I did not know this at the time, and my mum managed to convince the vet into releasing the body. So my mum brought our dead cat home and told us that she found the cat dead in the basement. For years, I swore I saw the cat’s ghost around the spot where my mum claimed she died. Now, I understand why the cat was put down, her health was deteriorating. But at that time, there was a void. She was my childhood pet and she “suddenly” passed away. I remember being legitimately sick after her passing, not just grieving but cough and fever, that whole deal. But not much else. It was twelve years ago after all.

 Two years after my cat died, so did my Nanny. To this day we still don’t know the exact cause. My dad suspects some things, but we have no definitive answer on what was his mother’s cause of death. I think I took this death the hardest. She was my favourite grandparent, and she was the first of them to die. How was that fair? Again, it was ten years ago, I was twelve, I don’t remember specifics. But I do remember a few years later when the family went to see the film UP, and I just couldn’t enjoy it. You know that beginning? Carl and Ellie’s whole life story is told in like five minutes? Yeah, well, I was kind of triggered by that. I didn’t know that was a term, but in hindsight, I was definitely triggered. Ellie reminded me of Nanny, and I just couldn’t get happy after the movie ended.

I also remember the death anxiety coming up randomly in class in grade eight, and thinking life’s so short and fearing what would happen to me after I died. I’ve had panic attacks about that. My most recent one was a really bad one in 2014. But now I don’t let myself go that deep. I don’t let myself go down that rabbit hole. I take a deep breath, tell myself “we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it” and find something entertaining to distract me from my thoughts. And that’s been working well so far.

SOCIAL ANXIETY

OK, this one doesn’t really have an exact start date. I can’t pinpoint any one event. I’ve kind of just always had it. And I just shrugged it off as shyness and introversion. But it’s more than that. I am definitely shy and introverted, but I also have social anxiety. When I was formally diagnosed, my mum wasn’t remotely surprised about this one. The depression was a surprise but this one she always suspected.

If anything, university made it worse. I mean, it was always an issue, but being in an entirely different province where I literally knew absolutely no one.  That didn’t help. I couldn’t even stand the thought of going to orientation. And I assumed that was because of my extreme shyness, though now I know it’s my near-crippling social anxiety. Hindsight is 20/20 after all.

I think it was during this time that I became much more active on the internet. Tumblr specifically, I love this website. But I began bingeing more on shows and would only really leave my dorm to go to the meal hall or class. I was just so terrified of social interaction. And I still am. But now I’m taking baby steps towards meeting people. Right now, all I can do is talk to people online, but if people don’t rush me and let me do it when I’m ready, I’d be fine meeting people in a comfortable and safe public place.

This is the one I think I have to work on the most. I know where I want to be and don’t know entirely how to get there, but I am taking small steps. I’m even telling people I suffer from social anxiety to let them know I’m not just being a bitch but that I am actually struggling and terrified to make social connections for fear of rejection.

The other real problem with this anxiety, for me specifically, is that I come off as bitchy and standoffish. Maybe I have bitchy resting face? I don’t know. But that’s what my mum thinks anyway. Whether I seem bitchy or snobby, or whatever is just what you see on the outside. Inside my mind, down that deep rabbit hole of suck, I am freaking the fuck out. Apparently, I mask that panic by looking snobby, who knew? But I assure you, if I’m actually being a bitch, you’d know about it. I don’t really keep that side of me quiet. But just standing alone in a crowd or in a corner? Yeah, I’m probably not plotting some bithcy scheme. I’m most likely terrified and seeking sanctuary in the very place that is so often cruel to me: my mind.

Meeting people scares the crap out of me. It really does. But I yearn for those social relationships. I am human after all. But going out into the world and actually seeking out people with whom to form those relationships? I’m not quite there yet. For now, I’m focusing on making friends online, but also people who live near me, so when I am comfortable, I will be ready to take that next step and meet them.

GENERAL ANXIETY

This asshole. This one was definitely brought on by university life. Seriously, I don’t think this would have affected me to the degree which it has, had it not been for university.  In some ways, university is better than secondary school, in others, it is exponentially worse. Procrastination only exacerbates the anxiety monster, but it definitely is not the cause. Deadlines. Terrifying deadlines, the weight of an assignment, and the fear of failure – the intense fear of failure – is the cause.

This one was kind of brought on hand-in-hand with my depression. I mean, I still stressed about marks before, but this really hit me hard when my depression stepped onto the scene. So both this beast, and depression entered into my brain after an event which I just call “the Academic Fiasco”. It is not an event I am comfortable discussing not because I am ashamed or embarrassed (though I am a bit) but because I don’t feel entirely out of the woods yet. And until I the woods are safely behind me (in other words: after I graduate) I won’t really be elaborating upon it. So the Academic Fiasco is a story for next year’s Let’s Talk Day.

Anyway, after the Academic Fiasco, I did enter into a depression. For several months. And ever since then I was never truly able to shake it. And it would come in waves. Sometimes I would be fine and my usual self but often the depression got in the way. So after the actual ordeal of the Fiasco was over with, and the depression had more or less subsided, I was then left with this anxiety. This dread that surrounded my marks in academia and my potential future career after obtaining my degree. This feeling just wouldn’t go away. And in November 2016, my friend started to notice that I was acting differently. She’s been my friend going on seventeen years now (we’ll both be 23 later this year), so she’s known me most of my life. And she could tell, through the virtual world, several provinces away, and through text not video chat, that something wasn’t right. My parents didn’t even know. Apparently, I hide my depression well. But my friend instantly suspected depression as she’s had it in the past and was medicated for it. She told me to seek help. So I booked an appointment at the Counselling Centre on campus and had a Brief Initial Consultation (where they would listen to me for thirty minutes to decide if my issues were serious enough to be waitlisted for therapy). It was during this time that the therapist believed I had anxiety, the death anxiety for sure, but also general anxiety. She didn’t really think I had depression, but she was certain I had anxiety. She suggested I seriously consider medication.

The thought had occurred to me once or twice. But until my friend expressed concern I hadn’t really thought about medication in a while. So, when the appointment was done, I went to the Health Clinic on campus and booked an appointment for the following Tuesday (I saw the therapist on Saturday).  And then I went home with nothing but the knowledge that I wasn’t crazy for thinking I wasn’t OK. And that was a relief.

It was over the next few days that I started to watch Thomas Sanders videos. Now, I know he’s been on Vine since 2013, but I really had no idea who he was up until that point. I didn’t have Vine, so I didn’t know him from there. But his vines would sometimes make their way on to my dashboard on Tumblr, so I knew of him. I knew he was that funny, relatable guy that I would occasionally see on my dashboard which could always bring a smile to my face in seven seconds or less. But I really had no idea who he was beyond that. I don’t really remember how I stumbled upon his vines on YouTube, but I did. It was there where I found an hour-and-forty-minute-long compilation of his vines – it definitely wasn’t all his Vines, but it was a significant amount of them. From there I started watching his YouTube videos. And I quite literally watched them all (check my watch history. I’m not lying) and have re-watched them many times since. For quite some time Supernatural – an oddly dark show – was the only thing that could completely distract me from my mind. Other shows and films could only do so for a time, but Supernatural and Thomas Sanders have consistently kept me distracted from the darkest areas of my mind. And this guy, this king amongst men, this angel without wings, not only did he distract me, but he brought genuine joy to my life during a time when I thought that to be impossible. Thomas Sanders wasn’t just a distraction from that horrible rabbit hole in my brain, he was genuinely uplifting. And for that, I will forever be thankful.

That following Tuesday, the twenty-seventh of November 2016, I was officially diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Together, my doctor and I agreed that it was best if I start medication.

DEPRESSION

Oy, this thing. Depression, my greatest foe. Honestly, depression is King Douchebag. Depression is that demonic Hobgoblin thing that likes to run about inside my mind and cause mayhem wherever it goes. It is the king of a shit-tastic court. This royal dickhead of a mental disorder is the reason I felt worthless after that Fiasco, this monstrosity of an illness was the reason I felt hopeless and joyless. Depression was the dementor, and my life was wasting away.

As I said above, in November I went to the therapist on campus where the therapist believed me to have anxiety but wasn’t convinced that I had depression. My friend, conversely, was certain I had depression. So that following Tuesday, after four days of bingeing Supernatural again, and watching copious amounts of Thomas Sanders videos, I went to the Health Clinic, and I talked about how I felt, and the doctor made me fill out two questionnaires. I was told to evaluate my last two weeks, rate how I felt from 0-4, and tick a little yes/no box on the depression sheet. Then she evaluated me. And she determined that I, indeed, had both depression and anxiety.

We decided together that medical intervention was best. I had been definitely suffering on-and-off since 2015. So I got the prescription and went straight to the closest pharmacy to my apartment to get it filled because I was not waiting another day. I knew the meds would take several weeks to start taking effect, so I didn’t want to waste any time. Why feel crappy any longer right? We decided on Cipralex because it’s a brand I knew (two friends of mine have taken it) and she said it had low side-effects. Now, it’s January 2017, and I definitely feel better. The meds definitely help, and I am in no way afraid to admit that.

COPING

So, I’m taking SSRIs but overall, how am I coping? Much better actually. When attacks strike, I do some breathing techniques and some light meditation. I’m also learning to face the problem instead of just hoping it goes away. Distractions might seem like nothing more than avoiding the issue but, honestly, they help. They help get you outside of your mind. And believe you me, I know how vicious the mind can be. So distractions are nice, even if they aren’t permanent. The other big thing is having someone to talk to, whether that is a friend, a family member, a teammate, a therapist, or some random stranger willing to lend you their ear. It makes a world of difference. To know that you are not alone is another big one. On days like today, it’s easy to see that. Social media is abuzz about Bell Let’s Talk. But throughout the rest of the year, it might not seem that way. And please know that if you feel alone and you need someone to talk to, you can always talk to me. You can contact me in various ways on social media or by email. I’ve been through the bad, and now I’m starting to see the light, and you will too. Just don’t be afraid to ask for help.

I started coping by escaping into shows. That’s the magic of a Netflix account. You can just binge. It doesn’t judge (except on some devices where it asks if you’re still there. Like, geez, I am just let me binge in peace!). CraveTV and the wonder that is Letterkenny also helped. It’s the best Canadian show I’ve seen in years and can’t wait for the St. Paddy’s special and season three. But the show that’s helped me the most has been Supernatural. I found the show on Netflix (I heard of it before and actually tried watching the pilot once before, but Mary on the roof scared the crap out of me, so I stopped) and binged all ten seasons. This was during my summer slump. I wasn’t truly depressed then, but there was just a gloomy air about me. After watching all ten seasons in under two weeks, I looked for other shows. I started watching Stranger Things but stopped at episode four after experiencing a panic attack (which was unrelated to the show or my usual triggers), and I have not picked up the show since. After being talked out of panic by my dad over the phone, I was calm enough to hang up. But I didn’t feel entirely at peace, so I went back to re-watching Supernatural. It was after that attack that I also watched season eleven through less conventional means (because it wasn’t on Netflix yet). And I started to feel better again. For several months, I just re-binged the show, albeit at a slower pace than I first watched it. It was the one thing that made me feel good. My worries melted away when that show was on, and I was enthralled in the narrative.

The other thing that helped me cope was Thomas Sanders. As I mentioned above, in the days leading up to my diagnoses, I stumbled upon a compilation of his Vines, and I was hooked. I found he made YouTube videos and I watched them all. I got Snapchat just so I could see his snaps. I followed him on Instagram and Twitter and liked him on Facebook. Then I found out he has a Tumblr (@thatsthat24)!  And it was magical. My favourite site and my new favourite internet personality, together! So I follow him there too. But unlike the others, I get notifications when he posts to Tumblr, and seeing those notifications are the best part of my day. It’s always something positive, or funny, or relatable, and it’s always certain to bring a smile to my face. I know that Thomas Sanders is only human and that he’s not happy every second of every day (if he were, he would be a game show host), but I really appreciate that everything he puts online is positive. I have no idea what goes on in his life, what anxieties he might face, but if he reads this, I want to thank him for brightening my day and making it suck a little less.  Because right now, he’s the thing that makes me happiest and I hope we, his fans, make him just as happy.

________________________________________________________

Holy! That was 3150-ish words (or 5 12pt Garamond single-spaced pages). If you stuck through it all, thank you. I hope #BellLetsTalk 2017 was everything you hoped it would be. And sorry for the length, but I needed to make sure I said everything. -KNC

P.S. I'm sitting here thinking about the family gossip that might ensue (because, before today, only my immediate family knew) and honestly, I don't care. I don't care if it makes them uncomfortable, because this isn't about them. My illness doesn't affect them, so I really don't care what they think or how they’ll react.

[violetsystems]

#personal

I am mildly amused this morning that I can write about something quantitatively shitty.  For all the stuff I write, it’s generally half dealing with the constant emotions surrounding failure.  I fail a lot out here.  It might make me seem and look like a loser.  I think sometimes that’s the whole point.  Everything out here seems to fail or hit an invisible brick wall.  I’ve never expected to be able to illustrate so succinctly other than using pretty words on here week after week.  But yesterday was a pretty clear indicator that it’s more than just a wall.  A wall of bagpipes maybe.  It’s some kind of noise for some people.  For me it’s a clear slap on the wrist for things I shouldn’t be doing.  Like living my life or pursuing liberty.  Everybody around this town walks around like their freedom is definitely more important than yours.  I’ve caught so many neighbors minding other people’s business.  Everybody has to be in the same place at the same time whenever you leave the house.  I’ve been taking the drone I bought to two specific places over the last month or two.  I bought a drone to learn it for job opportunities.  I applied for a developer account for public safety.  Since then I’ve flown it in the park across the street and in an abandoned lot near the train yards.  I remember the day clearly when the cop sat watching me with his trunk popped open blaring bagpipe music.  It felt weird and surreal.  Yesterday I made the same slow walk over to the graffiti wall over there.  The footage I took from there had been messed up recently.  The memory card just mysteriously corrupted and my dongle nowhere to be found to format it.  I just got a microsd reader in the mail and had reformatted so I was ready to fly that day.  I laid the drone down on the sidewalk and saw the red warning.  Authorization code.  I typed in my cellphone number and awaited a text that never came.  I started to walk back from the yards to the park.  I made it to the soccer field and sat down on a giant cubs logo.  Same message.  I type in the cellphone number for authorization.  The minute I do there’s a gentlemen next to me out of nowhere.  “Did you know none of the water fountains on this field are working?”  Like he expected an answer.  It’s classic in this town.  If you are having problems, somebody is right by your side ready to sell you a revolution.  Really it’s about picking sides in a losing battle.  I was tempted to reply that you didn’t want to be drinking out of those lead pipes anyway.  But I just nodded.  He walked away.  I laid back on the cubs logo and closed my eyes.  I felt for a moment like I was laying on the surface of the planet.   Just as I opened my eyes a bearded white gentlemen made it a point to walk past me on a nearly empty field.  He smirked at me an ominous look and walked away.  The airspace for the park was indeed locked down.  It did feel like somebody just wanted to relish the look on my face.  Wanted to see the same look I’ve had for almost a year.  The look isn’t spite.  It’s not hate, fear or anger.  It’s a look I like to call “I told you so.”  This look is more directed at myself.  What did I expect after all this bullshit I write about?  A clear middle finger.  A sure sign that this city doesn’t particularly like me.  I came home and booted the drone on the kitchen table.  The red warning message was gone.  I didn’t fly it for fear it might get bricked on private property.  My dreams of being free coopted by snitches maybe.  Whatever it is.  I was able to fly and now I’m not.   Very simple observations that will be gaslighted into infinity until the next thing I try to do in this free country of yours..

You watch somebody I get it.  Street wear you watch the streets for fashion.  In Chicago, you watch to punish.  To subvert.  To infiltrate.  To data mine.  To promote public safety.  To moderate opportunity.  I have no idea at this point why they do it.  It’s hard to describe this city let alone this country as anything but authoritarian.  It has a great PR and propaganda machine that seems to be flying off the rails.  I try to write about this week after week.  I really would rather just be away from it all.  It’s about the same feeling I have as when they threw out everything in my office.  I’ll get over it.  This feels like an elaborate exile and punishment for a dissident in his hometown.  It all adds up stressfully for me.  But to watch somebody do something creative for the fifteenth time and shut them down in an organized, big brother fashion is wrong.  And that’s all this city can ever do.  There is no opportunity for a person like me here at all.  I’m sure it’s great to be from America on paper.  More so if you are part of a privileged class.  Chicago has it’s own kind of privilege that shows often.  It’s a nightmare hell scape of group think.  It’s worse than Cuba in regards to the mobs that patrol and watch every thing you do.  And at the same time, it’s a weak argument in a country that’s bigger than the offices corrupt politicians have bought out.  It’s a broken boomtown in atrophy.  It’s the wild west at times and more dangerous by far.  I sit here trying to figure out how to even continue to write about it without getting sick to my stomach.  I would dump it all and just leave if there were options.  And I continue to network every day on professional websites to keep those options open.  But just like the drone, I get locked out and picked on.  Why even write three paragraphs if there’s no solution?  I’m stuck.  Trapped in a situation people would rather not address.  They’d rather point the finger and claim I brought all this on myself.  And the finger pointing is just one huge circle at this point.  What else is there to say or prove?  Just stay indoors and play video games and wait for somebody to recognize me?  Even when it is about me in this city, somebody has to bandwagon on top.  When I can’t fly my drone, I’m supposed to mix with the general population and start a prisoner revolt over city water management?  I’m dangerous because I don’t fit in and this is because you’ve isolated a person like me into the neutral zone.  I might be overreacting about this airspace thing.  I realize that.  Just like every other week when I’ve written about something shitty I’ve been targeted with.  Only to explain it away like it’s my problem.  This city brings nothing but problems to the people who live in it.  It’s explained away in the news until nobody has the tolerance to listen to anything anymore.  It’s not like I’m invisible.  People can see me when they want to punish me.  When they want to teach me a lesson.  When they want to show me what real freedom in America is at the expense of my own.  That’s the bottom line of what’s going on here in my eyes.  And I can’t change it.  I’m supposed to join the larger movement and fit myself into values that aren’t my own.  I’m supposed to find my voice fighting other people’s problems.  I’m supposed to run for mayor in a town that is bought and sold by billionaires?  Or I can just find a job in Shanghai and slowly pivot away from the last few decades of people treating me like a joke.  I don’t know the answer right now.  All I know is that everything I try to do fails while people watch with sick and satisfying looks on their face.  I hate that look.  It’s the creepiest fucking look on earth.  

For as much as people talk about me behind my back, you can avoid some of the fallout.  People talking about where I shop for groceries to follow me around and fuck with me can be solved.  I can change where I shop.  I can have it delivered.  If I want to go for a walk and explore technology, I used to go fly my drone.  And people love to watch it and talk about it.  And weeks later now I can’t fly my drone anywhere.  Is it because people talked about it?  I don’t see anyone else flying in those areas.  What’s next?  Who would even put up with this shit anymore?  It’s a cheap city I’ll give it that.  I don’t feel comfortable anymore doing anything in it.  This would be understandable if you lived here in my shoes.  It used to be something I could explain away.  Like maybe I’m just difficult.  But really I’m just seen.  To be seen.  People move to New York to be seen.  They get jobs.  Acting careers.  Modeling gigs.  Book deals.  You get seen in Chicago, you are part of some revolutionary force that needs to be corralled or neutralized.  You get treated indifferently by neighbors cosplaying as secret police.  You wake up at five am and go to bed at nine to the hum of whispered footsteps.  You barely see anyone enter let alone leave your compound.  When you do, it always feels like somebody is keeping tabs on you.  You see your neighbors serendipitously so much that it’s not rocket science to understand you are being watched.  What fucking for?  Really.  A year of me living in some sort of soviet exile and what do I have to show for it?  Restricted airspaces.  Neighborhood watch.  Who the fuck is running this city the fucking mafia?  Truth hurts I guess.  So what am I to do all summer?  Play league of legends in the AC and shut the fuck up I guess.  I know it’s a lot to hear me bitch about a fucking drone.  But it’s more than that.  It’s the little infractions over time that paint a larger pattern of behavior.  This place is toxic for me at times.  I have a roof over my head.  I keep my finances in order.  And I wait for something that doesn’t ever come.  It does get worse.  And if anyone really thought of me as a friend I’m sure they’d read this and understand.  It will not get better for me in this situation.  It’s a clear message people want me to leave and yet there’s still no place to go.  I get excited sometimes.  People looking for jobs in Shanghai follow my professional blog.  It feels like a portal could open up someday.  Not with any help from anyone around here.  But I still have to live whatever is left of my life here.  I have to survive.  And it’s becoming increasingly evident that public space is not respectful of what I’m going through.  It’s almost militant at times.  This worries me.  I could type away for hours about the politics of it.  The politics make no sense.  America makes no sense.  It says one thing then does another.  It does it so blatantly that it bullies you into tribes.  If you don’t like it go change it.  If you care about this neighborhood than fight for it.  Like I haven’t fought an uphill battle for years.  We lost.  I lost.  I am not winning at all in this situation.  I’m being choked out until I just give up.  And in this I probably will come September.  Move on to somewhere where it doesn’t feel like death and punishment every minute of the day.  The shit I’ve seen and the way people have acted is worse than the shit we talk about communist countries.  And yet it’s never worth it to explain any further for fear of being gaslighted further into obscurity.  I can’t do anything without somebody having an opinion blocking my way.  And so I’m just not going to have an opinion about anyone who doesn’t give a fuck about me.  Which in this city seems to be a long list.  Was that the whole point of the census?  To count how many people don’t give a fuck?  You won.  I’m opting out of this hell scape. This airspace is restricted to angels with wings anyway.  <3 Tim

[jackblankhsh]

Why I Quit:  Genealogy -- The Forest of Family Trees

He stayed in the shadow of the alley, the cherry red glow of his cigarette slightly illuminating his scarred chin.  He exhaled a cloud that immediately blended in with the fog blanketing the street.  

 In a rat like voice he said, "So our mutual acquaintance sez to me he sez you're lookin' fur a jab."  

 I replied, "Yes."

 "Aight, I got two."  He cough-chuckled, "Tonight the begga's a choser."

 "What are my options?"

 He said, "Ones 's real simple.  Der's dis beach out in Cali..."

 "California?"

 "Yeah that one.  Dah beach got all deez seals on it.  Anyway, hippie types like to protest there 'bout, 'Leave dem seals alone.'  And when dey protest you set up a booth to sellz 'em t-shirts -- all kinds uh shit."

 "I think I can handle that."

 He nodded, "Good, good, but dat's only part of it.  See, dah udder part is deez hippies sometimes dey need incentifications."

 I felt a need to probe, "Such as?"

 "Such as," he twirled his hand, cigarette cherry spinning like a comet, "Occasionally you gotta go down, and stab a seal, or put out a ciggie on one, maybe club a pup with a bottle.  It keeps the hippies riled up -- protesting lasts longer."

 Without hesitation, "What's the other job?"

 He shook his head, "Real borin' shit, man.  's like growin' family trees 'n' shit.  Seal jab is way more fun."

 "I'll take the family trees."

 #

 The "jab" turned out to be doing genealogy research for a website called MyRoots.  Here's the thing:  the main documents people need for their genealogy aren't classified papers. Anyone willing to take the time to fill out government forms like NAFT 81, 82, and 84 can get the basic documents necessary to track down ancestors.  However, most folks find even that sentence hard to get through let alone the piles of papers often full of barely legible handwriting which provide bits of useful information.  My first day on the job I watched an intern peel off a fingernail in mute boredom.  

 Basically, the job involved mountains of paperwork requesting documents such as land entry case files, immigration records, and census reports.  When these arrived, rarely in an electronic format, I read them in search of a surname.  This could get tricky with immigration records since names tended to change.  Grandpa may have left Poland as Alojzy Trzetrzelewska, but not wanting to deal with all those letters a lazy official dubbed him Al Zulewski.  

 After days going through whatever bureaucratic breadcrumbs could be gathered I then sat down with clients to disappoint them.

 Address the client smiling, "So your great-great-great grandmother came over from Scotland in 1830..."

 Client predictably interrupts, "What about before that?"

 "Well, we still have to hear from Scotland, but as far as anyone can tell, seems she was a bar maid in Edinburgh."

 "So she wasn't a revolutionary rebel fleeing English assassins?  Maybe Scottish royalty?"

 Not sure what to say, "Is that what you've been told?"

 Obviously disappointed, "That's what I hoped."

 There's nothing quite like the ire of a customer shouting in anger at the revelation their ancestor fought in the Civil War... on the wrong side -- North or South depending on the client.  These folks would yell at me, faces beet red, as if I convinced great-granddad to fight for them damn Yankees, or join up with Johnny Reb.  History is never what we wanted it to be because we have no control over it.  

 "You have sullied the name of this great family, sir."

 To which I might reply, "I didn't convince your granduncle to die of syphilis."

 "Good day, sir."

 "There's still the matter of your bill.  You're credit card didn't go through."  

 "I said, 'Good day!'"

 Occasionally a client would be happy to learn some ancestor left New York, perhaps caught up in the gold rush, and headed West only to stop in St. Louis.  A few months later a marriage certificate is issued.  The details are simple, the story easy enough to extrapolate.  And even with fewer details than that there are those clients who realize the past doesn't have to be epic to be full of wonder. No one will ever really know why Uncle Phil moved to New Orleans, or why Great-grandma Mabel signed all her papers "She-wolf," but it's fun for them to speculate.  

 #

 A matronly figure who wore thrift store clothes with aristocratic grace took a seat.  I introduced myself.  She greeted me with a gloved hand:

 "My name is Roberta Wilcock."

 "How do you do?"

 "Oh, I'm well I suppose.  I could be better."

 I said, "How's that?"

 "My husband recently passed away..."

 Interject, "I'm sorry to hear that."

 "Thank you.  We have children, you see -- well, they're his step-children; I was married before, but Wallace, that's his name, Wallace and I had a connection, we just understood each other in a way my first husband never did.  However, I don't know much about Wallace's family.  I'm hoping to find out more, for our children. Something about him was always a mystery.  I don't like that.  You see, I never knew my parents, I'm adopted, and mystery, well, has a way of gnawing at you."

 "Then I hope I can help."

 I would come to regret that hope.  In the days that followed I seized the slender thread Roberta left me. Starting with census reports, and what little family history she could provide, I followed Wallace back to Seattle. The two met there before moving to Chicago.  Through the census I tracked Wallace to Portland.  He grew up there.  So did Roberta.

 So far so good.  

 The simplicity of this job made it easy to put in overtime. Though that said, mostly I stayed after hours because I liked the quiet.  The faint buzz of headphones roaring in ears, an incoherent hum at a distance, no longer surrounding like a swarm of lethargic bees.  The unpredictable shouting of irate clients, disappointed to discover they aren't descended from famous historical figures; the chug, cah-clunk of the dying photocopier struggling to copy one more document; the office manager drunk by midday, fighting off boredom practicing for her all female barbershop quartet... in the afterhours, once the bulk of staff fled home, I could pour a quiet drink, and calmly peruse the bureaucratic breadcrumbs... on this occasion, to a small Portland orphanage.

 It was no surprise.  Roberta mentioned as much.  In fact, the two of them being orphans apparently helped them bond.  Whatever history the living can offer is invaluable in genealogical research.  It provides starting points as well as giving a sense that one is on the right track. So I expected the orphanage.  Wallace's sister, on the other hand... that is, his twin sister Roberta...

 I chalked it up to coincidence at first.  Some names go through periods of being trendy.  Perhaps a famous singer at the time, or a local Portland celebrity made the name popular.  I pictured headlines like:  Ravishing Roberta Rose Dazzles Audience!

 But the more I dug the more undeniable it became that Roberta and Wallace were twins.  

 The next day I went to my boss, "Becky, I got a problem."

 "You got a problem?  Member of my quartet got punched in the throat last night.  She won't be able to sing, maybe ever again. She wants to go back to the roller derby, says it's less violent."

 "Okay.  Mine's worse."

 "How so?"  Becky put her feet up on the desk.  Sipping a coffee mug full of gin she gestured for me to hurry up with the details.  

 I said, "I just finished confirming the background on this guy. Turns out his wife is actually his twin sister."

 Spewing her drink laughing, "You're shitting me."

 "Nope."

 She sighed, "Oh that's awesome.  I got that beat though.  A while back I had a guy come in, turns out he married his daughter."

 "So this is not uncommon?"

 She shrugged, "It's not common-common, but it seems to happen; and hey, it's usually an honest mistake, so I say fuck it.  It's not like if gramps turns out to be a Nazis.  Lord knows I've had plenty of those."

 "Me too."

 "Anyway, what's the problem?"

 "I can't tell this woman she married her own brother."

 "Why not?" Becky leaned forward, "The look on her face will be priceless.  I promise."

 I returned to my research station -- an oversized cubicle, big enough to allow clients -- where I found Roberta waiting for me.

 She smiled, "They told me to take a seat.  I was in the neighborhood, so thought I'd stop by to see if you've made any progress."

 "Yes, a little."  My phone rang.  Grateful for the distraction I answered it.

 My boss whispered through the line, "Is that her?"

 "Yes," I said, instantly knowing I'd made a mistake.

 "Hold on till I get there."  The line disconnected before I could protest.  Soon Becky began orbiting my cubicle waiting to see what happened when I dropped the bomb.  

 Roberta said, "Whatever you have, well, I think it'll be interesting."

 "You can say that again," Becky said, unsubtly aiming a smart phone at Roberta.

 At that point I realized if I didn't say anything Becky would. So, hoping to deliver the news as softly as possible, I said, "There's no easy way to say this."

 Roberta sucked in a muted gasp, "Oh my, he wasn't," she whispered, "Negro?"

 Suddenly I didn't mind saying, "No, he was your brother."

 Her eyelid twitched.  Her face fell, slackening on one side like melting wax, "I'm sorry.  Wha... wha?"

 "You married your twin brother," Becky said.  She seemed ready to laugh until Roberta's eyes rolled back, and the old woman collapsed onto the floor.  Becky stopped filming, "Oh shit I think she had a stroke. Still posting this online."

 I called 9-1-1.  As the paramedics carted Roberta away I mentioned to Becky, "I quit."

 I didn't feel comfortable being in charge of other people's secrets, especially the ones that induce strokes.  Yet, those seem to be the only ones with any relevance.  After all, an ancestor being a cowboy doesn't make their descendants anymore rugged.  Perhaps interesting to know, it means next to nothing.  It's like people are always looking for what defines themselves outside of themselves -- looking to an incomplete past to inspire their future. Except for the curious who simply wanted to know, it felt like inspiring people to be echoes instead of voices.  

 So I collected my things, and left the orchard of family trees.