The Olympians’ Birth Order
So you know all those stereotypes about birth order? Apply that to the gods and you’ve got a pretty good idea of the birth order. At least, you do in my head cannon. Hear me out.
Ok, you know oldest daughter syndrome? They have their dad’s temper and mom’s attitude, right? That’s Athena and you can’t change my mind. Hestia too, honestly.
They know when everyone’s birthday is. They solve their siblings problems (in VERY different ways, yes).
Who do you go to when you need a nice safe spot? Hestia.
Who is the responsible one? Athena. Who does mom (step mom) go to for back up in the Iliad? It’s freaking Hera and Athena all the way.
Dionysus and Zeus are the babies. They get away with EVERYTHING. The parenting is completely different. Dionysus is the stereotypical lax parenting. He literally parties in the woods and watches plays all day. He is the GOD OF ALCOHOL. He’s insane.
But Hermes is the really baby. Dionysus came so late he barely counts. But Hermes stole Apollo’s cows as a baby and charmed his way out of it. The baby is mom and dad’s favorite? Well I don’t know about you, but I’ve heard that the only obviously-an-affair kid of Zeus’s (Athena doesn’t count) that Hera likes is…Hermes. Does Zeus get mad at Hermes? Ever? The parenting is rather lax imho. He’s the trickster god but he gets away with it. He runs wild, like a youngest sibling but everyone likes him anyway. He’s the baby. Dionysus is like the kid brother that your parents had after they thought they couldn’t have another one.
And Zeus? Well…they do say parents learn how to parent through trial and error with the first kids. But by the time Zeus was born? Rhea knew what to do to protect him. He’s literally king. He is spoiled and mom indulges him. He spent his childhood singing and dancing and being spoiled.
It’s pretty clear that the elder Olympians’ birth order is Hestia, Demeter, Hera, Hades, Poseidon, and then Zeus. They act like it. Hestia is the eldest, Zeus is the baby. The middle kids are somewhat forgettable (as forgettable as gods can be, anyway) unless they MAKE themselves noticed. Hades is the quiet, low key, middle kid. Demeter switches between full blown mom and behavioral liability so she is the line between older siblings and middle kids. Hera and Poseidon make sure you can’t ignore them. They both have raging tempers and they will not be overlooked, thank you very much.
Now, more interestingly…the younger Olympians.
Athena is the oldest. Metis was the first wife, I don’t care when she popped out of Zeus’s head, she has eldest daughter AND oldest sister energy. She helps dad and step-mom.
Then it’s pretty clearly Ares and then Hephaestus. Why?
Well Ares is the jerk older brother. Will protect his mama but bullies all his younger siblings. Can’t really touch his older sister though.
Hephaestus is next. He’s the closest in age to Ares of the younger siblings so he’s the one Ares bullies the worst. Hephaestus is the quiet middle kid. He’s got mad skills, but he’s often forgotten about amongst the notability of his siblings around him. He’s the nice middle kid though.
He’s the one in the older half that gets along with Athena, the oldest daughter. The two could spend time together inside while Ares was outside wrestling and playing sports and bullying the other kids. He took more after Athena than either of his parents as a result.
Then we have the twins: Artemis and Apollo.
Artemis is older, according to myth and it makes sense (not that I’m saying any of this is mythically accurate at all). She delivered Apollo and has been looking out for him ever since. Apollo is definitely the little brother trying to protect his big sister.
Artemis loves her twin, genuinely. She takes after Athena, her only Olympian sister (and the oldest sister). They are both fiercely independent. They’re both virgins. They have wildly different domains and temperaments but somehow, they are similar. They represent things man can never conquer. Artemis is the hunt, the chase. Once you catch it, it’s not a hunt anymore. Athena is simply above, on a cerebral level, carnal impulses. They are both touchy about specific things.
They are complements in personality in some ways, but definitely friends. Artemis goes to Athena for advice. The only times, Athena will venture out of her normal path is to visit Artemis in the woods. They can talk about stuff.
Artemis…doesn’t like men. But who can blame her? She was born between Ares and Hephaestus on one side and Apollo and Hermes (and eventually Dionysus) on the other. Two very different duos who are definitely preoccupied with each other. Artemis is the lonely barrier between the duos.
Athena is way older than her and occupied at this point. Her father paid attention to her when she was born but, being the dead middle, we don’t see Zeus interacting with Artemis myths all that much. Or remembering she is a thing that exists. (Yes, she’s Zeus’ favorite in Percy Jackson and I could see him really liking her but still, I don’t see them crossing paths very often compared to her siblings with Zeus.) She doesn’t get along with Hera or Aphrodite and, often, she’s out hunting so sometimes it’s easy to…not forget about her, per se, but she can be absent, kind of like Hephaestus in his forges.
Apollo is the sun. He likes it when everything revolves around him. He demands attention and he’s naturally gifted so it’s easy for him to be the middle kid who manages to steal the spotlight. He steals it from all the middle kids. Athena, Apollo, and that crazy one Dionysus. Those are memorable younger Olympians. And, of course, musicians survive off having the attention on their work. Same with authors and poets. He’s talents at both AND he’s a doctor, too. He’s got great grades and great hair.
Then we get to Hermes and Dionysus. I’ve told you about them.
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