#nonbinary buck

[seen-the-stars]

🌈🌈🌈 enby buck is so personal to me.

to me, as well. i almost made myself cry with this. enjoy <3

you get: a cookie, and 280 words of

🌈 • nonbinary buck (glitter & crimson, pt. 2)

Tommy’s hand starts petting through the curls again.

“Evan, I don’t care about any of that. Just because you like to put on makeup sometimes, doesn't make you any less of a man," He assures, coming to all the wrong conclusions.

It feels like a knife directly through the heart.

Buck winces and suddenly feels very, very small.

“Hey,” Tommy says, sounding concerned now, “talk to me, baby.”

Buck takes a deep breath. Exhales. Thinks, you have to be brave now. 

Confesses, barely above a whisper, “I‘m not.”

The silence that follows feels like it lasts for hours, and it makes Buck die a thousand deaths.

And then, finally, “Oh.” Another second of silence. “That’s okay, too.”

It’s all that Buck needs to come back to life, hope blossoming, and there is no way of stopping the sob wrenching itself free.

“Hey, Evan, baby,” Tommy urges, pushing himself — and by extension, Buck — up into a sitting position, taking Buck’s face in his big, strong, hands. “Look at me.”

Buck complies through the tears that have started to form.

“I love you. I want you to be happy. Nothing could ever change that, okay?” And he sounds so sincere, like these are fundamental truths of the universe for him.

The dam breaks. The tears spill over and Buck starts crying in earnest, with no way to stop; not when Tommy tries to brush the tears away, not when he pulls Buck in, one hand cradling Buck’s neck safely into the crook of his neck.

“It’s alright, it’s okay, you can let it all out,” he soothes, rubbing his hand up and down Buck’s spine, “I’m here now. You can let go.”

[pt. 1 on ao3]

[this is now finished and on ao3!!]

[more nonbinary buck]

[make me write]

[seen-the-stars]

this is about nonbinary buck which was never supposed to be a fic, only a story i imagined to fall asleep

Daydreaming is an important part of writing. Even without words pouring out onto paper, you're still the author of stories.

[itgetsbetter]

˖°. ✧ 🏳️‍⚧️ If you need some trans youth joy in your life, watch the stream with us! 🏳️‍⚧️ ✧˖°.

Come watch a screening of the short documentary film Ben in Bloom with us, streaming on Twitch for TDOV!

The film tells the story of Ben (now Stella, one of our Youth Voices alumni), a non-binary and queer teenager from the contentious Bucks County, Pennsylvania school district. She weaves a heartfelt tapestry of her past, reliving the moments and people that shaped her into a fearless LGBTQ+ advocate.

Watch the film live with us and chat with stars Stella, Marlene, and Rose, director Natalie Jasmine Harris, and our current Youth Voice and filmmaker Eli!

We're streaming it for Trans Day of Visibility, Monday March 31 at 5pm ET/2pm PT, because we felt like positive stories from trans youth are exactly what we need for TDOV this year: twitch.tv/itgetsbetter

You're gonna love it (and maybe cry a lil bit), hope we see y'all in chat!

[spiderliliez]

She won’t accept you had more fun on ‘The Buck’ EMMA D’ARCY & OLIVIA COOKE Interview by MovieZine

[+] EMMA D’ARCY [GIF Collection] ✨ [+] COOKIE [GIF Collection] ✨ [+] ..more on “House of the Dragon” 🐉

[audrac-blue]

It's 00:00 where I live, so I'm turning 30 right now

My sister does'nt know who I am

My parents don't know who I am

Most of my friends don't know either

Nor the rest of my familly

Please, tell me there is still time

[bizexuals]

i like to think one day we’ll be able to meaningfully engage with nonbinary existence in our trans theory, instead of ignoring, tokenizing or making more “inclusive” binaries to fit those pesky nb people into

[voiceoffenrisulfr]

Near Misses and Nearly Missed - Chapter Two Lost and Found.

𝐏𝐀��𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 -> James "Bucky" Barnes x Original Nonbinary Character (Soldierbug)

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 -> The next day. And the start of every next day.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓 -> 2129

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 -> (E) Smut, snowed in (but fine about it).

𝐀/𝐍 -> Even more smut, and the end of my entirely pointless but kind of adorable two-parter. Enjoy!

Check it out below, or on AO3 here! Divider by us!

<- Chapter One

Prompts used (boards at the end);

- “Do You Know What’s Out There in the World?” – @anyfandomfluffbingo; - ‘Ugly Crying’, ‘Sleepy Sex’, “I Don’t Have Anything Left to Lose.”, “Turn the Light Out.”– @fandom-free-bingo (Flight); - ‘Free Use’, “Who Was That?”, ‘Frostbite’– Fandom-Free Bingo(Frosty); - ‘Semi Conscious’ – @hurtcomfort-bingo (CO42); - “Are You Okay With This?” – @julybreakbingo (Kofi Exclusive); - ‘One Day Together or One Good Memory’– July Break Bingo (Summer); - “Does That Hurt?”, ‘Sex in the Morning or Sex in the Kitchen’ – July Break Bingo (4x4); - ‘Snowed-in’ – @multifandom-flash Bingo (New Year - Gen);

When I woke to sunlight spilling through curtains I’d forgotten to close, I groaned, muscles aching with exhaustion and face hot from the light reflected in my metal arm. I went to roll, eyes still squeezed shut, but the shift in position drew my attention to the weight pressing down on my bicep.

Raising my free hand to block the dazzling morning light, the futuristic compound scattering opalescent sundrops across the room, I looked down at the body curled against my chest, breathing steadily in sleep, two-tone hair standing out in a gravity-defying display that made me grin.

I didn’t imagine it.

My mind flashed through the events of the previous day – our accident, borne of my irritation and distraction; their own annoyance and ill-preparedness for the climate of upstate New York; the way their skin glowed when I finally touched them.

Oh, the touching…

The space between my thighs ached at the thought, recalling the feeling of their wetness rutting against mine with wanton desire, and they moaned softly, squirming in the sleep and curling nearer. “Mm, James…” they murmured, fingers curling against me as I trembled at the sound, holding them a little tighter. Mars’ eyelashes fluttered and flickered open, fixing me in a hazy, sleepy gaze. “Hey, horny,” they mumbled, smirking, and I tipped their chin up to kiss them softly.

“Can’t help it… Woke up beside my soulmate,” I whispered, and they beamed.

“Pretty sure you have a relevant fantasy here, too…” they offered, one leg coming up over my hip to press nearer. I quivered and nodded, hips twitching unconsciously, and their eyes closed once more, head falling back as they hummed softly. “God… Please…”

That was all the encouragement I needed. Within a heartbeat, I was reaching to scrabble blindly in my toy drawer once more, sliding into a harness with the speed that came with studious practice in anticipation of this day. They smirked knowingly without opening their eyes – but at the first probe of my cock gently against their already slick folds, their gaze found mine, lips parting in anticipation.

My eyes were locked on theirs as I pressed inside them slowly, light and dark fixed intently in one another’s sights, even as their pupils blew wide and their skin glowed under my hands. “Does that hurt?” I breathed, patiently sinking half an inch further as they shook their head insistently.

“So good… So big…” they whimpered, head falling back, and I groaned, hand finding the small of their back to pull them closer, to take them deeper, lips falling ravenously on the throat offered so willingly to my mercy.

“You know so many of my fantasies,” I noted breathlessly as my hips met theirs, the fingertips of my free hand holding their thigh tightly as they trembled around my sheathed length. “Tell me one of yours.”

They blushed shyly, shifting to press their forehead to mine. “I-I don’t…” The redness of their cheeks increased as they stammered, and I raised an eyebrow, beginning to move painfully slowly inside them.

“Tell me how to make you feel good, acushla,” I purred, one hand moving between their legs to caress their clit lightly, letting out a quiet groan at the brush of my cock as it moved inside their soaked hole, their pitiful, pleasured whimpers making the ache between my own legs intensify. “Tell me what you used to think about in the darkness, legs spread, crying out for me…”

My hips snapped forward, eliciting a deafening moan and hands grasping at my shoulders in desperation. “I-I thought about you degrading me,” they admitted, bright-eyed and breathless, moving against me as best they could as their nails curled against my skin. “I th- mm! – I thought about you calling me a whore and a fucktoy, and tying me down with my legs spread, free for you to use as and when you wanted…”

I growled with desire, shifting to pin them beneath me, pressing myself deeper as their legs wrapped around my hips instinctively. “That sounds so good, sweetheart… I love the thought of you being at my disposal, so needy and eager…”

They whined hungrily, pussy growing ever wetter beneath my tender caresses. “Please, James- please, I-I want- I need- Please-”

I crooned my sympathetic understanding, lengthening my thrusts until every inch of silicone was utilised and they were gasping and writhing, hips moving time with my own, back arching in a desperate attempt to take me further inside them. “That’s it, baby,” I purred as their muscles grew tight with impending release, slamming into them harder, their body jerking under the force. “That’s it - give me everything, my love… Come for me.”

They cried out at my command, every atom of their body convulsing and spasming frantically as they came undone beneath me, sobbing their pleasure as they impaled themselves desperately on my length.

I kept my pace steady until their wire-tight frame release, slowing gradually, trembling with the effort and drawing to a halt, resting my sweat-damp forehead against their collarbone gently.

They lay in my arms for over an hour, tears drying from their face-crumpling, bone-trembling sobbing, overwhelming and overstimulated and overtired. It was surreal, watching them doze against my chest, blazes of light following my fingertips as I traced patterns on the exposed skin of their spine. I found myself quite unable to lapse back into sleep, lost in the mesmerising display of their flesh and the feeling of their soft, sleep-warm body pressed close against me.

When they stirred at last, they seemed startled to find me sliding back between the sheets, a fresh cup of tea releasing curling whisps of steam into the cool morning air from where it rested on the bedside table. Once their wide eyes had relaxed again, I gently guided their body back to me, sighing happily when they proved only too happy to resume their position curled against my side.

“We’re a little snowed in,” I murmured, lovingly smoothing stray tendrils of hair from their forehead. They simply smiled, purred, and curled closer, leaving me to chuckle in surprise. “I thought my little city mouse would be more afraid. You astound me.”

“I can think of worse things than being trapped here with you. This is exactly where I want to be,” they breathed back, cheek rubbing gently against my chest.

My gaze shifted to the gap in the curtains, revelling in the specific contentment that comes from being encased in comfort and warmth while watching a snowstorm. “I can’t think of anything better,” I whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to their hair.

We were startled from our contented slumbering by an obtrusive ringing, and I snorted.

“Is that the theme song from Jurassic Park?”

“Yes,” they replied stubbornly, one eyebrow raising as they reached for their cell. “Do you have a problem with Jurassic Park?”

“No, it’s one of my favourite movies,” I replied, chuckling and kissing their temple fondly as they nestled back against me to answer the call.

“Hello? … Yes… No, I don’t know… No… No… No, I don’t think so, sorry… I guess so? …A few weeks, maybe? I’m not sure yet… I’ll let her know… I know, but… Yeah, I guess. Okay… Okay. I’ll see you then. I love you too.”

They dropped their cell to the bed with a sigh, curling closer into my side, and I cocked my head curiously. “Who was that? Not that you have to tell me,” I added quickly, flushing. They let out a quiet, musical laugh, and pressed a kiss to my chest.

“My mum,” they answered readily, earning a grin at the cute English inflection. “She calls every week or so, just to check in. She wanted to know if I’ll be coming home for my sister’s birthday.” They chewed on their lip nervously, and I felt my forehead crease minutely in concern.

“Are you okay?”

With a soft shrug, they shook their head. “I know she wants me to come back, but… I can’t leave. Not now. Not when we’ve only just met…”

I smiled gently, holding them closer. “When’s the birthday?”

They scowled, unable to meet my gaze. “Next week…” Fingers curling against my skin, they shimmied ever impossibly closer. “I don’t know how we’re going to… Arrange this, but… I don’t want to go. All I know is that I don’t want to go… I mean, I have no problem with seeing my sister for her birthday, I just… I don’t want to leave you.”

“Then don’t,” I whispered softly, pressing a tender kiss to their forehead. “If you want to go, I’ll come with you, if you want. If you’d rather stay here, we can do that, too. You can stay here as long as you like, sweetheart. Forever, if you’re so inclined. And I’ll go anywhere you ask of me.”

Their eyes filled with tears as they found mine once more, shining and joyous. “You will?”

“Of course I will,” I chuckled, tipping their chin up to kiss them softly. “I waited long enough for you. I’m not letting you go that easy.”

They grinned broadly, arms raising to snake around my neck. No sooner had their lips brushed mine than they bolted upright, looking surprisingly alert and excited. “Oh, hey – you still haven’t shown me your studio!”

I laughed, shaking my head fondly, and sat up with a groan of effort. “Alright. Come on, then.”

They circled the top floor with fascination, fingers grazing lightly over paint and canvas, eyes wide. “You made all these?” they clarified softly, blinking owlishly when I offered a sheepish nod in response. “You’re amazing.”

I grinned shyly, leaning against the railing above the stairs to watch as they moved through my space. They paused at each photograph blown large, each smear of graphite and paint, gazing with unrestrained adoration. “It pays the bills,” I replied, shrugging lightly. “I worked retail when I was a teen; it’s definitely nicer to be doing something I love.”

They smiled, glancing back at me only briefly before returning to my work. “I know the feeling,” they hummed, nodding. “I had this office job, which… Well, let’s just say that it wasn’t good for my mental health.” With a visible shudder, they paused, eyes shifting to the snow still blurring the world beyond the window. “It’s really coming down out there, huh?”

I nodded, taking a long sip of my coffee and letting the heat radiate through me with a comfortable shiver. “Yeah – it can get pretty bad up here. You’d likely have gotten frostbite if I hadn’t found you,” I added with a worried frown. “… It was pretty reckless, what you did.”

They shrugged one shoulder noncommittally, watching the storm in silence for a few minutes. “I’d have been fine. I had a blanket…”

“It’s not just the cold,” I replied, voice soft and gentle as I moved closer, wrapping my warm arm around their waist to hold them against my chest, the metal limb carefully positioned away from their body. “Do you know what’s our there in the world?”

Another shrug, and they leant back, head finding my shoulder peacefully. “I didn’t have anything left to lose. I had to try, you know?”

“And now?” I countered quietly, cheek meeting their hair. “Are you okay with this? With…” I gestured about us – at the cabin, the storm, and the life I’d already begun to lovingly carve out for them. “Everything?” They glanced back at me, brow furrowed in confusion, and I smiled softly. “Y’know. We don’t have to live here – in this house, in this countr-”

“Are you crazy?”

I blinked in surprise, and they laughed. “This… Everything you’ve made here… It’s perfect. All of it. I couldn’t be happier, Buck. I can’t believe how lucky I am.”

Purring, I reached past them to place my coffee on the low table, wrapping my arms around them more securely. “I can’t stop thinking the same.” I turned them to face me, fingers tracing along their spine gently. They trembled under my touch, stretching up on their toes to kiss me softly, hand tangling in my hair. Immediately, I found myself helpless, hands sliding beneath their ass to lift them, their legs wrapping around my waist. I groaned softly against their lips, all thoughts of my studio and conversation and anything except them fading from my mind. My feet began moving without forethought, carrying them instinctively, their hands on my neck making goosebumps rise.

Their back met the door as I kicked it close behind us, fingers curling in their waistband with a hungry groan. “Turn the light out,” I breathed, warmth spreading through my extremities at their soft, happy laugh as they reached for the switch.

[satelliterayne]

Eddie is so ‘dad shaped’ as May likes to remind him and he denies it until the day that Hen leaves the station and they have a new probie and the new kid starts and she’s barely 21 and graduated from highschool a year early and has a degree in conservation and biology of all things and Eddie looks at her and immediately picks up on the small rainbow tattooed on her hand. He’s spent 30 years of his life repressed, sue him if he likes knowing that the generations after him are safer to be out and proud about it. He also can see that shes anxiously pulling her long sleeves down as if to cover it and so he goes over and shows her his home screen which is of course him and Buck and Chris at LA pride last year and the watery smile she gives him makes it worth it when he notices at lunch that her sleeves are pulled up to her elbows. After that it just accidentally becomes a ThingTM anytime someone enters the firehouse thats even a little bit gay Eddie just… adopts them (Ravi insists he was the first queer that Eddie adopted but Buck maintains that its just misplaced Stockholm syndrome from when Eddie saved Ravi from a chainsaw wielding Buck). He doesn’t do it on purpose, he just aches sometimes, imagining them coming into the firehouse and not knowing for sure if they will be accepted or just tolerated.

Jay comes into the firehouse just after Cora and they immediately gravitate towards Eddie, soon his weekends off are filled with wine nights at Karen and Hen’s that have grown to include Cora and her girlfriend and Jay complaining about their crush on Dylan who works at the 136 with Lena and then May starts coming and then it just spirals from there. There is a groupchat used to coordinate babysitting for date nights and wine nights and memes. so so so many memes.(Eddie is out of his comfort zone and why the fuck does Cora keep sending raccoon memes that are mildly concerning) 

Jay’s little brother who’s Christophers age hangs out at the firehouse to do his homework ONE TIME and Eddie learns that Jay was “asked to find another place to live” after coming out and that their little brother followed after announcing he was bisexual. Eddie aches for them and on his next 48 off he ropes Buck into making dinner and he invites Jay and Blake over for a family dinner and pretends to not notice when Jay thanks Buck for their first real homecooked meal in years, from that day forward there is a standing invitation for the siblings and Buck teaches them both how to cook.  Cora ends up spending the night on his couch after her first real fight with her girlfriend, he wakes up the following morning to the sound of Chris practicing his speech for his sophomore AP english class and Cora listening so intently and giving such good pointers that it makes Eddie joke about her being the big sister Chris has always wanted before pulling her into a hug before she leaves (he also ends up officiating her wedding and cries. Buck has proof). May comes over before she introduces her girlfriend to Athena and Bobby for the first time and Ravi just comes over whenever he wants to complain about how gay panic inducing it is for hot guys to live in his apartment complex and work out at the same time as him. 

Eddie has moved on from being nicknamed 8-pack and is now dubbed mother duck because “Eddie you adopted us like fucked up trauma ducklings and now we follow you around” said by a very deadpan Jay. (Eddie does NOT cry when Chris and Blake go to senior prom together.) Even farther into the future, when he becomes captain of the 118 he prides himself on having the queerest shift in the LAFD, he keeps a pride flag in his office, next a framed picture of him and Buck on their wedding day, Chris and Blake’s wedding invitations and 7 rubber ducks, all signed by his original crew of adopted ducklings.

Idk man I just really need to see Eddie cope with Chris growing up by adopting traumatized queer firefighters on accident. 

[urfavistra]

first time suggesting but can you do buck from regretevator?? (trans rights ftw)

Buck says: Trans Rights

[doctorruby]

and another thing, when buck gets another love interest, I can't wait for all the antis who said that they only hated tommy because he was a bad person to realize they will actually just irrationally hate any love interest buck has that isn't eddie

[seen-the-stars]

Very interested in 🌈 if you don’t mind.

i don't mind at all. If this feels a bit clunky, it's because i was avoiding using any pronouns for Buck, so i sort of just used the name a lot. hope you enjoy anyway!

you get: a cookie, and 327 words of

🌈 • nonbinary buck (glitter & crimson, pt. 2)

The thing is: Buck doesn't think Tommy is going to react badly.

Tommy has had his own journey of self-discovery and self-actualisation, and Buck thinks he'll probably understand. Even if he doesn't, he'll probably at least try to hear Buck out. 

And they do have to talk about it, either way. They'll have to discuss what it means for them, for their relationship. Tommy is gay, he likes men, and Buck… isn't. A man. Not a woman, either, but definitely not entirely a man. Maybe something in between. Buck hasn't gotten to a conclusive answer yet.

But: Just because Tommy probably won't react badly, doesn't mean Buck isn't scared of it. Coming out as bi was one thing (and even that was nerve-wracking enough), but this feels more… substantial, somehow. Like it goes way deeper than sexuality. The fundamentality of it all is terrifying.

And so Buck keeps putting it off. Keeps waiting for the perfect moment, when all the stars align and nothing could possibly be distracting or go wrong. When the mood is exactly right, and neither of them has had a bad day or anything to get to. 

The moment never comes.

Instead, what happens is this:

Tommy comes home earlier than expected one day.

He shoots Buck a text to say he's on his way, apparently having moved something in his plan around, and it sends Buck scrambling; up the stairs to change, then back down again to wipe all of the make-up off. Something inside Buck is protesting, but Buck isn't ready. Not yet. It's too soon. Buck needs to figure out all of the answers first.

When Tommy's car pulls up outside, Buck thinks everything looks inconspicuous enough. Sure, there's a sinking feeling in Buck's stomach and blood rushing much faster than necessary, but that can just be blamed on having a weird day, on having woken up feeling restless. 

Buck heaves in a deep breath and hopes for the best.

[pt. 1 on ao3]

[this is now finished and on ao3!!]

[more nonbinary buck]

[make me write]

[dubiousculturalartifact]

*whispers* would it be controversial of me to say that it's potentially possible to read eddie diaz's specific relationship to masculinity in a closeted way, but in terms of gender, not just sexuality

[secretrosebush]

Late, but happy tummy tuesday 😋

dm me for uncensored/the full set (mutuals free :3)

[veadotube]

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[voiceoffenrisulfr]

When the Wolf Howls - Chapter Three

"To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering."

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 -> James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Nonbinary Character(s). Secondary Pairings; James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton/Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 -> Steps are taken, and Asgard does what it does best.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓 -> 3584

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 -> (M) Percieved risk to life, guilt, choking.

𝐀/𝐍 -> Check it out below, or on AO3 here!

<- Chapter Two Chapter Four ->

Dividers by us! <3

- ‘Human Prey’ – @darkacademiabingo; - ‘Not Allowed to Die’, ‘Protective Hug’ – @eclipsingbingo; - ‘Sweet Treats’, ‘Training’ – Eclipsing Bingo; - ‘Eaten By the Wolf’ – @fairytalebingo; - ‘Growing Dark’ – @fandombingo (The Magnus Archives); - ‘Shadows in the Forest’ – Fandom Bingo (The Magnus Archives); - ‘Human Shield’ – @fandom-free-bingo (Frosty Edition);

- ‘Choking’ – @hurtcomfort-bingo (CO42); - ‘Weakness’ – Hurt and Comfort Bingo (Pick Your Poison Bingo- C027); - ‘Meadow’ – @julybreakbingo (4x4); - ‘Bird Watching or Stargazing’ – July Break Bingo (5x5); - ‘Vulnerable’ – July Break Bingo (6x6); - ‘Sun’ – July Break Bingo (Summer); - ‘Ghost Story’, ‘Stunned Silence’, ‘Stupid Sacrifice’ – @multifandom-flash (Round 2 – 2029); - ‘Tender Kisses’ – @seasonaldelightsbingo (Dark Academia); - ‘Stargazing’ – Seasonal Delights Bingo (Under the Sea); - ‘Forced to Revisit Past Trauma’ – Seasonal Delights Bingo (Under the Sea).

Before we took another step, we needed a plan.

I asked Mars what they’d intended – and they sheepishly produced a map squirrelled from the library, with the location of Fenris’ prison marked and a dotted line cutting through the realms Thor had mentioned in as direct a route as possible. We spread it on the floor between the three of us, and he scowled minutely.

“Here,” he murmured, shaking his head as he pointed at the eastern point of Nornheim, “is the Domain of the Dark Man.” We both blinked blankly, and he offered us a weak grin. “Not somewhere you want to go. We should enter Varinheim further west to avoid him, unless you have a desire to test your mettle.”

Mars and I shook our heads in unison, and he nodded, leaning closer to the map. “This forest here,” he continued, gesturing at a patch that cut most of the way across the centre of Alfheim, “is home to the Wolf-People. We would do well to go around. It’ll add time to our journey, but…”

I nodded my agreement, even as my partner looked worried beside me. “A few more days won’t make much difference, my love. Not after millennia,” I murmured, earning a reluctant sound of acceptance.

The God of Thunder’s large finger skimmed around the forest, pausing at the next splash of green. “Norn forest, and Nornheim. Home to the Norns. They should prove no trouble. Jötunn of descent, but peaceful. They draw water to nourish Yggdrasill.”

“Varinheim,” he finished, pausing at the cross that indicated our destination. “Distant and desolate, it was to be Fenris’ domain. The lake we seek lies in the centre.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad,” I offered, forcing optimism into my tone and glancing at the god warily. “… Right?”

“The Asgardian continent can be unpredictable,” he replied, his tone uncharacteristically soft. “Allies can turn enemy without a moment’s hesitation. We move with as little notice as possible, and we run, or hide, before we fight.” He looked to my partner pointedly, and I understood – it wasn’t worth the risk to my painfully human love. A hero though they may be, this was a domain of gods and monsters, and they were not as indestructible as the two of us. “And then we have to face the wolf himself.”

“Did you have a plan?” I asked, gaze shifting to my partner sitting quietly beside me, staring at the parts of their path that had been too dangerous to keep, pale at the thought that they would have entered these areas without knowing any better. Sheepishly, silently, they delved into their backpack one-handedly, eyes lowering as they drew out a clear container I saw frequently. “… Is that the tub you keep dog treats in?”

“I made sure it was full of chicken, at least!” they objected weakly, a blush rising in their face. “This is what I do for work – I’m sure I can…”

They faltered at the silence that had fallen over the room, every set of eyes trained on them in disbelief. “You- Wh- Th-…” My stammers trailed off into stunned, scared sounds, fighting the urge to throw up.

“You were going to attempt to tame the Fenris Wolf with scraps of… Chicken?” Thor clarified incredulously, scoffing when they nodded shyly.

“I bet I could…” they protested under their breath, and I wrapped an arm around them, pulling them closer into my side.

“I… Am glad I caught up with you,” I murmured eventually, closing my eyes against the mental images of them offering a scrap of meat and losing an arm for their troubles. “We’ll establish a more… Plausible – and safer – plan as we travel. No arguments,” I added as I felt them stiffen, quick to shut down any protest. “I already nearly lost you once.”

Grumbling reluctantly, they nodded, nestling under my jaw. “Fine,” they agreed eventually, the word coming as a breathless sigh. “I guess.”

More music sent us on our way, relaxed and content until we left the village and my anxiety rose once more.

“I hope they treated you well,” I murmured, glancing at my partner, and they smiled.

“Sidarius was an excellent host,” they replied, and I chuckled quietly, leaning over to squeeze their hand. The steel steed beneath them considered me warily, the whites of his eyes showing as he analysed the level of threat I posed, apparently deciding I was low risk and relaxing his posture once more. “And Sleipnir was excellent, too,” they added pointedly, patting the horse’s neck fondly. “I didn’t need to do anything when the giants started after us – he held his ground until he realised I was afraid, and then he took off. He got me out of there safe.”

“Then I owe him a debt of gratitude,” I replied solemnly, gaze tracing the arch of the horse’s neck as he held his head higher under the attention.

I feel like he understands every word.

“He’ll hold you to that,” Thor chuckled from his place a few paces ahead of us, glancing back over his shoulder. “Though fortunately, he’ll accept payment in the form of apples.”

The legendary steed snorted, tossing his head and earning a laugh from my partner. “I think he doesn’t appreciate your opinion, Thor,” they teased, grinning, eliciting a chuckle from the god.

Thor pointed out interesting features of the terrain as we rode on, from the glimmer of Sea of Marmora in the distance – a sight that brought a shiver down my spine, even now, knowing that Loki’s castle sat abandoned on the other side – to the dense forest we were following a crest to avoid, the gigantic trees reflecting sunlight in a captivating manner that threatened to draw me in. He told us stories of Sigurd and his wife, of Idunn, of the golden apples that keep the gods young. He spoke of the Ulfheðinn that resided in deep in the forest, wearing wolfskin and attacking with a furious frenzy. It made the time pass faster, but our journey was brought to an unexpected halt when we became aware of the darkness beginning to settle around us.

“We should find somewhere to camp for the night,” Thor murmured, casting an eye about himself shrewdly. “We’d be best staying in Alfheim for the time being; while Nornheim and Norn forest are unlikely to pose many threats, there’s far more visibility out here.”

And more room for the horses to get up to speed if we’re attacked, I added silently, wincing.

It was a hellish night, every atom of my body listening out frantically for anything stirring in the darkness. Mars was tucked up against me, resting easily with their head on my chest, comforted by my presence. They trusted me to keep them safe.

And for that reason, I found myself unable to sleep, far too concerned with keeping them safe than slumber.

Thor woke intermittently, stoking the low fire, and it was as dawn was beginning to break that he cleared his throat quietly. “… Did you sleep at all?”

“No,” I replied softly, careful not to disturb my partner snoring quietly against me. “No, I… Wanted to make sure nothing happened.”

“You’re a devoted man, James.” The fire flared minutely as he poked more wood into place, hisses and cracks punctuating his words. “Your family are lucky to have you.”

“I do my best,” I breathed, glancing down at Mars, my gaze following the curve of their lashes adoringly. “I have a lot of sins to attain for – a lot of pain to make right. The very least I can do is protect those who mean the most to me.”

“You’re a good person,” he replied after a beat, his voice gentle. “You and I both know that most of the things you’ve done that have caused pain were not things in which you had any choice.”

Reluctantly, I nodded. It was something I’d heard many times over the years, but I struggled to accept it as truth. While I’d had no say in what happened to me, under fear of suffering beyond belief or through simply being too far gone to have an opinion of my own, it was hard to reconcile that with the memories I had of watching through my eyes as it was my hands that took life after life in the cruellest manners imaginable.

And I’d hurt people – though admittedly not as many and rarely as severely – before and after my time with Hydra, and I had nobody else to blame for that.

“And I think they’re the best of us,” he added into the quiet after a moment, and I smiled softly to myself.

“They are,” I agreed, skimming my lips over my sleeping partner’s hair gently. “They make me the man I always wanted to be. Between them and the kids, I… Feel like I found the person I was supposed to be, if not for… Everything, you know?”

He made a soft sound of agreement before replying, his voice so hushed that even my advanced hearing almost missed it. “I know.”

I stayed watching the stars as they began to vanish from sight, chased by the rising sun, until Mars stretched against me, eyelashes fluttering sweetly.

“Hi,” they murmured, brow furrowing in a scowl, and I chuckled.

“Good morning to you, too,” I offered, grinning, and ducked my head to brush my lips tenderly over theirs. They purred quietly, eyes closing for a few moments more, and I couldn’t help but gaze at them in awe, jaw tense and nervous.

They’re so innocent. So vulnerable…

Thor cleared his throat, and I raised my head, shifting to sit up as my partner did the same. “We should get moving. If we make good time, we’ll reach Varinheim before nightfall.”

They scrabbled to their feet, any hint of sleep brushed away with the dust that clung to their clothes. “I’m ready. Let’s go.”

Chuckling quietly, I got to my feet, eyeing our small group thoughtfully. “We still need a plan.”

They nodded back, firm and determined. “I have one; I told you.”

“That isn’t a plan, it’s a sacrifice – and a dumb one at that,” I snapped stiffly, muscles taut as they narrowed their eyes at me.

“It’s what I’m trained to-”

“With dogs!” I countered, a low growl building in my voice. “This isn’t a dog, Bug. It’s a demon – a wild, unthinking, merciless machine of death and destruction.”

“He’s a sweet baby,” they attested, and I arched an eyebrow.

“You can’t really think-”

“I can’t believe you don’t-”

“That’s enough,” Thor interjected, his gravelly voice sounding ancient and timeless as he cut us off – the voice of a king dividing his subjects. “There must be a way around this. We can discuss it on the ride; let’s get moving.”

With a last, uncertain gaze at one another – we rarely disagreed, and when we did it was typically light-hearted and short-lived – Mars and I mounted our horses in stunned silence, worries heavy on my shoulders as I fell into place at the rear of the pack.

As we rode, we made tentative plans, suggestions coming to either mutters of agreement or vehement rejection. But eventually, we had some form of idea, risky as it was.

We passed into Norn Forest without difficulty, but the close trees made me shiver, eyes flicking nervously. Thor seemed calm, however, so I forced the tension from my muscles, straining to keep my gaze on the path ahead.

But shadows darting in the dark of the forest haunted me, silent spectres slipping between towering trunks without disturbing the leaf litter. I shook my head firmly, telling myself that I was imagining things – that my anxieties about the task ahead of us was playing tricks on my mind. I acutely missed the open expanse of the fields and meadows, enabling us to see for hundreds of metres in each direction before shallow slopes interrupted the view.

It wasn’t until Glaðr paused beneath me, head tossing as she let out a soft nicker, that I wondered if my fears had been founded.

Thor stiffened, glancing down at his own steed, then back to Sleipnir, gaze meeting the horse’s steadily. “Slip?”

The eight-legged creature turned its head slowly, ears swivelling, before pausing, eyeing the canopy-covered darkness and stomping a foot insistently. Thor nodded once, looking to us with a steady stare. “We’re going to move quickly. You’re going to go first,” he added, firm gaze shifting to Bug. “You’re going to hold on – tight – and Sleipnir is going to get you out of here.”

“What about you two?” they hissed back, shoulders trembling ahead of me.

“We’ll be fine, sweetheart,” I breathed, the hairs on the nape of my neck prickling at the feeling of eyes on me. “Do what Thor says. You can do this.”

You’re not allowed to die.

The god’s eyes grew gentle, and he reached out to touch their arm softly. “We’ll be right behind you, Small One,” he vowed, before his fingers shifted to the horse’s forehead. “Run as the wind, Sleipnir. Get them out of the forest.”

The moment the words left Thor’s mouth, the horse bolted, and I heard Mars’ gasp as the sudden air rushing at them forced its way into their lungs. But any protest was quickly smothered as the woods exploded around us, the shadows advancing with fearsome speed. Thor roared a challenge as he rose Mjulnir threateningly, the mighty hammer sparking ominously. I had only my own two hands against the spectres – but I was more than willing to do my damnedest to slow these creatures, glancing over my shoulder as Sleipnir’s tail disappeared between the trees.

My eyes turned back to the advancing shadows, hard and hateful. People – or otherwise – who stood between me and the happiness and safety of those I loved would feel the full extent of my fury, and creepy ghosts were no exception.

I hurtled myself from my horse as the first of the spectres reached us, vibranium moving through wisps of darkness without resistance. My body passed through the illusion, leaving me on my knees on the forest floor, fighting for breath, my lungs seizing as smoke swirled and swam inside me.

“You can’t touch them!”

I raised my head as I rasped, seeking out the voice through the haze of my constricting windpipe, fingers digging into the dirt desperately.

Thor was whirling his glowing hammer, blasts of light emitting from the metal to strike the advancing shadows. Each lightning bolt to the chest burnt a hole through illusion, smouldering away to nothing.

It took a few precious seconds for me to comprehend what I was seeing, but eventually I pushed myself to my knees, still wheezing frantically as I fought off the darkness closing in, around both me and my vision. I fumbled desperately at my pockets, coughing as I pulled my lighter free. The pitiful flame that burst free did nothing against the spirits growing closer, but the curls of smoke encasing my lungs came flowing from my mouth as I spluttered, falling as ash from parted lips. The acrid taste of burning was thick on my tongue – but I could breathe.

The flame was enough to keep the monsters at bay as I scraped the leaf litter into a pile, setting it alight and scooping a handful of the flaming debris in my vibranium palm.

It’s not lightning, but…

I curled my fingers loosely around my burning bundle, eyeing up the mass of spectres slowly thinning out around us and roaring hatefully as I dove forward. This time, my fist met a seemingly solid mass, blowing through the shadow’s chest with a sound like metal on metal, slowing fading as the creature burnt away to nothing.

I arched an eyebrow, using my free hands to beckon the creatures closer.

“Come and get it!”

Thor and I stood in the smouldering, foul-scented clearing, panting for breath, eyes watering from the smoke and smell. Our eyes met as I dropped the remnants of my bundle, dusting the residue from my fingers and swallowing dryly, my throat still burning from the bizarre smoke.

“… Thanks,” I murmured, spitting another mouthful of ash onto the ground. “Uh… For the advice. And for the help. And for getting Mars out of here.” I paused and looked around quickly, heart racing until I spotted our mounts sheltering under a tree at the edge of the clearing. Thor didn’t waste valuable time responding, only offering a nod as he crossed the space, swinging his mighty frame into the saddle a few steps ahead of me.

We were silent as we galloped through the forest, following in the broken trail through the undergrowth. Intermittent, gossamer-spun silver hairs caught on the bracken confirmed the path was Sleipnir’s – as did Bug’s desperate wails as light began to filter more efficiently through the thinning trees.

“Please- we have to go back; we can’t just leave them! Sleipnir, come on, I know Thor said to get me out – but look, I’m fine, see? We have to go back!”

Mars was stood before the mighty stallion as we emerged from the forest, gesticulating towards the woods desperately. The sound of hooves on grass made them turn, and I winced at the sight of the tears staining their cheeks, my feet hitting the ground before Glaðr had come to a halt. They clung frantically to my shirt as I bundled them to my chest, arms tight and protective around their trembling body.

I swallowed down thoughts of my Spiders, just as fragile as they shivered and sobbed against me, and wondered once more how we were back here again – how I had, for what felt like the hundredth time, found myself in Asgard cradling someone I loved as they wept.

I held them until my coughing drove them back, stumbling a few steps away from me with a brow creased in concern. “Are- are you okay?”

“Fine,” I wheezed, nodding. “It’s getting better. They suck if you breathe them in, though…”

Mars’ face went pale, and they were by my side once more, a gentle hand on my back and stroking carefully. “Will he be okay?” they asked worriedly, and I looked up in time to see Thor nod, opening his mouth to respond – but his words were cut off by my insistent partner. “What were those things? Why did they attack us like that? I thought you said that forest was safe!”

The god’s jaw set slightly, and I raised a hand to touch Mars’ shoulder gently. “He also pointed out that Asgard is highly unpredictable,” I reminded them, voice soft. “It’s not his fault, sweetheart.”

“They were mara,” Thor added, his lip curling. “They have no set domain. They’re… I suppose humans would call them demons. They attack people in their sleep, causing horrible nightmares, and then eventually…” He trailed off, but his meaning was clear, and Bug winced.

“But we were awake,” they pointed out, voice strained. “Why did they come for us?”

“The mara dwell in darkness and shadow. We intruded into their land – their current land, at least – and they attacked. They’re vulnerable to light, but if you aren’t aware, they can leave you without your consciousness. It’s not often that mara attack the awake, but those that succumb never wake up,” he finished softly, eyes dropping with guilt. I shook my head again, coughing another round of a thin, black, tar-like substance into the dirt.

“You weren’t to know,” I rasped, levelling my voice with as much determination and force as I could despite my chafed vocal cords. “It isn’t your fault, Thor. And besides – I’d be dead if it weren’t for you. Probably Mars, too.”

“And you’re sure he’ll be okay?” my partner pressed, still eyeing the contents of my lungs on the ground worriedly.

“He probably won’t sleep well for a few days, while the smoke clears his system,” Thor admitted. “But he’ll make a full recovery before long – possibly quicker than most, given how swiftly he heals.”

I nodded once, grimacing as I snagged a bottle of water from a Glaðr’s saddlebag and rinsing my mouth thoroughly. “I’ll be fine, Acushla. Don’t worry about me.”

Thor considered me for a moment longer, then nodded, looking to my partner. “May I see the map, Little One?” Mars offered it immediately, pulled from one of their plentiful, seemingly bottomless pockets. The god hummed as his eyes skimmed over the parchment, muttering under his breath and looking about himself. “… We shouldn’t linger long here. We’re closer than I’d like to Karnilla’s Palace.”

“Karnilla?” I asked as we climbed back into our saddles in unison, Sleipnir proving far more willing to move now Thor was back in the lead. He nodded as he encouraged Gyllir into a brisk trot, glancing back at me.

“The Queen of the Norns. She… Can be complicated,” he offered stiffly, muscles visibly tensing. “She has proven herself to be both ally and enemy. It would be best to move on as swiftly as possible, rather than risk her wrath. I’d hoped we would be passing far enough away that we wouldn’t be worth the effort – a party as small as ours poses little threat in her own domain – but…”

I nodded, exchanging a look of understanding with Mars. His unspoken words had us urging on our own steeds.

We may not be able to handle another fight.

[just-a-little-bit-of-sugar]

...I'll run into burning flames

As long as you can call my name

I'll be there to save the day...

...I'll jump into raging seas

And pull you out so you can breathe

Tell me what it is you need...

Welcome to my newest Buck-coded song obsession :)