#not me looking up how old he was in rocketman..... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hellomynameisbisexual · 2 years

Text

He has previously spoken about not wanting to label his sexuality publicly and why he felt uncomfortable with speculation, before quitting Twitter - briefly returning to share his latest tweet.

In an interview with GQ Magazine before his 'coming out' tweet, Kit spoke about how he deals with the pressures of seeing negative comments about himself online.

He said he 'almost' found himself seeking out hateful comments before deleting Twitter, describing it as the 'best decision' of his life.

Stars: His comments came as he posed up a storm in a sensational GQ cover shoot alongside his Heartstopper co-star Joe Locke, who plays his character's love interest Charlie Spring

Online: Kit, 18, who stars as Nick Nelson in Heartstopper, said social media isn't a 'window into my soul' as he spoke after deleting Twitter amid 'queer-baiting' accusations

'Social media is not a window into my soul at all, so [deleting Twitter] was the best decision of my life,' he told the publication.

'In many ways it's great, but as someone who's in the public eye, if you look for people saying bad stuff about you, you'll find it.'

The Rocketman star said everyone 'wants to be liked' and admitted it can be very challenging to seek out approval from other people when in the public eye.

Stepping back: Kit said he 'almost' found himself seeking out online hatred before deleting Twitter as he described deleting the app as the 'best decision' of his life

He added: 'Everyone wants to be liked, which is slightly heartbreaking when you're in the position of someone like me or Joe [Locke].'

His latest comments come after celebrities gave their support to Kit after he was 'forced' to come out amid 'queer-baiting' accusations.

Jade Thirlwall and Luke Evans were among the stars to rally around the actor, branding online trolling about his sexuality 'shameful'.

Their comments came in response to Kit publicly revealing he is bisexual after online speculation about his sexuality.

Statement: Kit recently took to Twitter to publicly reveal he is bisexual , saying he was 'forced' to do so after online comments about his sexuality and 'queer-baiting' accusations

Kit was hit by accusations of 'queer-baiting' after a video showed him holding hands with his female co-star Maia Reficco. Queer-baiting refers to someone insinuating they are part of the LGBTQI+ community for their own gain.

In his brief tweet, he wrote: 'Back for a minute. I'm bi. Congrats for forcing an 18 year old to out himself. I think some of you missed the point of the show. Bye.'

Following his announcement, an array of celebrities and his Heartstopper co-stars were quick to take to social media and share their support for the Rocketman actor.

Jade took to her Instagram Stories on Tuesday to speak in solidarity with Kit, branding the accusations of 'queer-baiting' as 'sad and shameful'.

Support: It comes after Jade Thirlwall and Luke Evans were among the stars to rally around Heartstopper's Kit Connor after he was 'forced' to come out amid 'queer-baiting' accusations

She penned: 'This is sad and shameful. Some people need to learn to mind their own business and wait until someone allows you into theirs. Love to Kit.'

Meanwhile, Luke Evans took to Twitter to hit back at online trolls, describing them as 'empty and useless' as he reached out to Kit.

'Seems like things don't change. I'm sorry to hear what your dealing with Kit,' the Dracula actor said.

'Never be forced to speak for yourself and your identity until you are absolutely ready.

Hitting back: The Little Mix singer, 29, and the actor, 43, took to social media to show their support for Kit, 18, and branded online trolling about his sexuality as 'shameful'

'Some people need to learn to mind their own business': Jade took to Instagram on Tuesday to speak in solidarity with Kit, branding the accusations of 'queer-baiting' as 'sad and shameful'

'You owe no explanation to anyone. The trolls of social media are empty and useless. Power to you! Invincible!'

Scott Bryan also tweeted that Kit feeling 'forced' to come out as bisexual was 'unforgivable' as he addressed the pressure on people in the public eye.

The broadcaster wrote: 'What happened to Kit Connor is unforgivable. The pressure on people to publicly label who they are when it is their personal life. The absolute worst.'

Scott also penned an impassioned essay in Vogue where he said it was 'problematic' to accuse someone of 'queer-baiting' as it implies they have to speak publicly about their sexuality.

'Seems like things don't change': Meanwhile, Luke Evans took to Twitter to hit back at online trolls, branding them as 'empty and useless' as he reached out to Kit

He said: 'Kit Connor did not and does not owe us anything. And what feels contradictory about the whole situation was that pressuring someone to tell you about their sexuality was a key message of Heartstopper.'

Scott went on to say it was a 'shame' that Kit didn't have the chance to decide when he wanted to speak publicly about his sexuality independently of online speculation.

'It is an utter shame that on the public stage Kit was not given the same opportunity [to come out when he was ready],' he added.

Solidarity: Scott Bryan also tweeted that Kit feeling 'forced' to come out as bisexual was 'unforgivable' as he addressed the pressure on people in the public eye

Nathaniel Curtis, who starred in Russell T Davies' It's A Sin, also took to his Instagram Stories to slam Kit being 'forced' to come out as 'outrageous'.

The actor, 31, also reflected on his own personal experiences of being 'outed' when he was at drama school in the post.

He said: 'Outrageous. I was outed years ago at drama school and the humiliation is gutting. He should have been able to speak his own truth in his own time.

'Shame on those who hurt this wonderful man this way. Sending all my love to Kit. You have an entire family who welcome you with open hands and hearts.'

Trolling: Kit was hit by accusations of 'queer-baiting' last month after a short video showed him holding hands with his female co-star Maia Reficco

Elsewhere, Heartstopper writer Alice Oseman was quick to flock to Kit's support, criticising people for judging 'based on stereotypes'.

She penned: 'I truly don't understand how people can watch Heartstopper and then gleefully spend their time speculating about sexualities and judging based on stereotypes. I hope all those people are embarrassed as F**K. Kit you are amazing.'

Heartstopper lead Joe Locke, who plays Charlie Spring, tweeted: 'You owe nothing to anyone. I'm so proud of you my friend.'

Kit's co-star Kizzy Edgell, who stars as Darcy Olsson on Heartstopper, said: 'I love u kit I'm sorry this has been so disgustingly rough on you. been treated so unfairly.'

Sebastian Croft, who plays Ben Hope on Heartstopper, added: 'Kit Connor, the world doesn't deserve you. Love you my friend.'

'Shame on those who hurt this wonderful man': Nathaniel Curtis, who starred in Russell T Davies' It's A Sin, also took to Instagram to slam Kit being 'forced' to come out as 'outrageous'

Nottingham East Labour MP Nadia Whittome also flocked to his side, writing: 'Being forced to come out is being outed and it's disgusting. I'm so sorry you've been put through that. Sending you so much love and solidarity, Kit.'

Many fans also took to social media with kind words for Kit as they sent him their 'love' in an array of supportive tweets.

'HOW can one watch a show like Heartstopper and the take away being that you as a viewer/fan/whatever have the right to know the most private aspects of the actors life? Especially when it comes to this. All love in the world to you Kit,' one penned.

Another wrote, 'feel for you Kit, sending all the love i have your way,' while a third said: 'I'm sorry kit i love you with all my heart, you are a wonderful person, you don't deserve this, love you.'

Another penned, 'You know you didn't have to do that right? we love you so much.'

Someone else added: 'I'm so disappointed in this fandom. In three days we bullied one of the shows stars off twitter for absolutely no reason, and now we've forced the other star to out himself. HS is the most warm and loving show, but this fandom is extremely toxic. I'm so sad and disappointed.'

It comes after Kit was accused of 'queer-baiting' after he was pictured holding hands with bisexual actress Maia Reficco, who he stars in A Cuban Girl's Guide to Tea and Tomorrow with.

Queer-baiting is a term referring to a PR stunt in which celebrities simply imply that they are a member of the LGBTQ+ community.

Kit also quit Twitter in September, before returning with his latest tweet, amid online speculation about his sexuality.

He tweeted at the time: 'This is a silly silly app. bit bored of it now, deleting twitter :)'

Flocking around him: Many fans also flocked to Kit's side as they sent him their 'love' in an array of supportive tweets

Back in May, he had also addressed speculation around his sexuality, tweeting: 'twitter is so funny man. apparently some people on here know my sexuality better than I do…'

Kit has also opened up about why he was uncomfortable about speculation around his sexuality and why he didn't want to label himself publicly.

'We're still all so young,' he told the Reign With Josh Smith podcast back in May.

'To start sort of speculating about our sexualities and maybe pressuring us to come out when maybe we're not ready. For me, I just feel perfectly confident and comfortable with my sexuality.

'But I don't feel the need to really, you know - I'm not too big on labels and things like that. I'm not massive about that.

Speculation: In September, Connor left Twitter for a time amid speculation about his sexuality; he had tweeted, 'This is a silly silly app. bit bored of it now, deleting twitter :)'

He added: 'I don't feel like I need to label myself, especially not publicly. It feels a bit strange to make assumptions about a person's sexuality just based on hearing their voice or seeing their appearance. I feel like that's a very interesting, slightly problematic sort of assumption to make.'

Meanwhile, Heartstopper writer Alice previously spoke with Variety about the impression she hopes the show makes on viewers.

'If Heartstopper helps a young queer person in their coming out journey, or if it helps a parent understand their child a little bit better,' Alice said, 'it is the most lovely and heartwarming thing you could hear and makes it feel like it's all worth it.'

On Heartstopper, Kit portrays rugby player Nick Nelson, who engages in a romantic relationship with Charlie Spring (played by Joe Locke).

Hit series: Meanwhile, Heartstopper writer Alice previously spoke with Variety about the impression she hopes the show makes on viewers

The LGBTQI+ coming of age series ended with Charlie and Nick becoming boyfriends and Nick coming out as bisexual to his mother, played by Olivia Coleman.

The show has already been a huge hit for Netflix in over 50 countries, and the streaming giant has already ordered series two and three.

TikTok star Yasmin Finney, who was cast as Elle Argent in the show, has already bagged a role on the 80th anniversary episode of BBC's Doctor Who as Rose.

Since the Netflix adaptation, Alice's books have already broken all records for the sales of a graphic novel in the UK.

There are currently four books in the series, with a fifth set to be released in February 2023. Alice is also releasing The Heartstopper Yearbook in October.

19 notes · View notes

just-a-poor-boy-queen · 2 years

Note

Not going on anon for this one, wish me luck!

How the Bohrap movie should have been written:

Insight into Freddie's childhood and the hardships he endured at boarding school. Part of the reason Rocketman was so impactful was because it showed you how Elton was shaped from a young boy to adulthood, and how this added to his struggle with his identity. I know it's harder with Freddie, because we don't have any first hand accounts from him, but there are a few sources with info about what he went through, and even if it was just brief flashbacks scattered throughout, it would be much more impactful than just one scene were Freddie glances at a childhood photo.

Freddie's relationship with Rosemary. I swear, Rosemary gave such good insight into how Freddie struggled as a closeted gay man, and how he would drop hint after hint about his sexuality, only to be ignored or invalidated by the people around him. Show him crying after being intimate with her because he wants to be with a man, and she just doesn't get it. Show him making gay jokes in front of his friends and feeling hurt when he realises they don't get it. Show him running away when Rosemary tries to introduce him to her gay friends because facing the truth is too overwhelming, and nobody gets it.

Instead of presenting him as 100% straight until fame "corrupted" him (no, subtle glances at other men that last a millisecond don't count,) show him as a struggling gay man who is trapped in a heterosexual relationship with Mary, while clearly being interested in the same sex. IRL, Freddie was falling in love with men and looking to break up with Mary as early as 1972 and would ask other people to do it for him because he was too scared to do it himself. He wanted out.

Less downplay on Jer and Bomi's homophobia. They're sitting at the dinner table, watching Freddie try to play the part of Mr Heterosexual and they know none of it's real. Bonus points if Jer uses the line, "are you up to your old tricks again"?

Additional scenes - Freddie beginning to dress androgynously and wear make up, which his parents also disapproved of while he was living at home. (Not trying to demonise Jer and Bomi here, but this was Freddie's reality.)

We see Freddie face racism in the movie, but for some reason they really gloss over the homophobia. There are accounts of gay slurs being thrown at Freddie while onstage, someone criticising him for having feminine hands, his own roadies making homophobic jokes behind his back, etc. Stop pretending these things didn't happen because you don't want to acknowledge that Freddie was gay.

DAVID FUCKING MINNS - Freddie meeting him while dating Mary and falling head over heels. They begin their love affair and Freddie has to battle between his true feelings and what's expected of him. When they break up, Freddie is devastated, because that was his first proper relationship with a man and he was truly in love for the first time.

When Paul catches Freddie composing LOML, he asks "is it for Mary?" and Freddie says, "no, I just felt like writing a sad love song." Paul's all like, "well, it's called "Love of my Life", surely it's for your girlfriend?" and Freddie tells him to drop it. Nothing more is said, but there's enough indication for the audience to know that Freddie loves Mary, but he's not in love with her, and he can't keep pretending he is.

Sidenote: Paul knows this. He knows about David, he knows that Freddie is living a lie, and that it's making him miserable. Instead of making a move on him (fuck you, whoever's appalling decision that was), Paul tells Freddie he can't keep running from himself and encourages him to tell Mary the truth. (Because, you know, Paul was an asshole but he didn't deserved to be turned into the "evil gay" who "turned" Freddie in order to give the movie a villain. At one point, he was a close friend of Freddie and there's no doubt in my mind that he gave Freddie emotional support when he needed it.) Et voila. An impactful scene that still adheres to Hollywood clichés.

Show us the gay men who had a positive impact on Freddie's life. Elton John. Peter Straker. John Reid. Thor and the New York Sisters. There are more, but I'd be here a while.

Freddie actually having fun at gay clubs and blossoming into a happy, confident gay man. Yes, he had bad experiences too, and they should be explored. But would it kill them to show him having a good time in an LGBT space without turning the gay scene into a scary world of degeneracy?

JOE. FUCKING. FANELLI.

A brief look at Freddie's dating life with different men, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Because he doesn't have a blueprint as to how healthy relationships should work, he thinks that abuse and jealousy are normal in a relationship and the only way to prove you truly love someone. When he meets Jim, this changes and he realises that he doesn't have to play mind games and be manipulative to be loved. Character development, yo.

An accurate representation of how Freddie and Jim met.

When Mary's had her segment, she fucks off and is only seen sparingly. Freddie is an adult and can survive without holding his ex-girlfriend's hand. The movie is about him, not her.

The Garden Lodge family getting up to shenanigans.

Give the other band members some fucking depth, Christ. Show Roger' and Freddie selling clothes at Kensington Market. Brian and Freddie having a heart to heart about the struggles of fame. John Deacon missing his family during a tour, and Freddie being a shoulder to cry on. Just something.

THE CATS. GIVE US MORE CATS. SHOW GOLIATH GOING AWOL AND EVERYONE IN GL FREAKING OUT. SHOW JIM BUYING FREDDIE A NEW KITTEN AND FREDDIE LOSING HIS SHIT. GIVE US A MONTAGE OF PHOEBE TRYING TO KEEP THE FELINES IN ORDER. GIVE US MORE CATS.

Freddie calling Jim his husband. The rings. The honeymoon in Japan. A montage of them being in a happy, committed relationship while a voice over of Freddie's interview with David Wigg plays over it.

Instead of the movie ending at Live Aid (never understood that decision) and ten minutes of my life with an unneeded re-enactment, end it with the filming of "These are the Days of our Lives." Freddie's been diagnosed, he puts on a brave face, all his loved ones are watching him perform for his final video. He ends with the words, "I still love you" to the audience. Fade to black. An emotional and beautiful ending to the film, not shying away from the illness that claimed Freddie's life, while not explicitly showing his death. (And, you know, it also doesn't imply that he deliberately infected Jim.)

A movie that acknowledges and embraces Freddie's experiences as a gay man living in a homophobic world, instead of demonising/straightwashing/ignoring his sexuality. And before some asshole says, "Freddie's sexuality doesn't matter, that shouldn't be the focus," it DOES fucking matter because his sexuality has been twisted, downplayed, and shamed for decades and it's really getting old. They had the opportunity to defend Freddie from the homophobes who say he brought his death on himself by getting involved in a "sinful" lifestyle, but all they did was reinforce that idea. They could have easily made a movie that focused on Freddie's music while also being respectful of the man he was.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

Oof. Wow. I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed reading this. And yes, I agree with all of your takes.

Perhaps, it wouldn’t have been possible to account for all the things you mentioned, but including even one of these would have made the film better than it was.

I will forever be pissed at the writers/makers, because the film is such a fucked up piece of cinema that, according to me, pays absolutely no tribute to Freddie. It enforces harmful stereotypes against gay men, propagates myths about Freddie’s sexuality, erases his struggles, elevates Mary fucking Austin to a saint like status, and reduces the most important relationship of his life to 2 seconds of screentime. Overall, the film is a fucking piece of garbage.

It is so clear that it was made only to earn money and win Oscars and not with the intention to celebrate Freddie. They achieved both of those things, so Freddie’s real story doesn’t matter to them at all.

Fuck the film. As @obsessivelollipoplalala recently said in one of her responses, I cannot read anything about the film without wanting to break or bite something.

#asks #borhap is a homophobic piece of garbage #you will never change my mind #absolute rubbish

37 notes · View notes

nellienelsonspring · 2 years

Text

kit connor's baby face will never stop messing with my head

#not me looking up how old he was in rocketman.....#like all the ppl in hearstopper are young #theyre obv majority teenagers #but seeing what he looked like when he was like 15/16... omg.#kit 'babyface' connor indeed #kit connor

2 notes · View notes

gianarosegoestothemovies · 3 years

Text

New Queer Cinema

Starting from the late 1980s through early 1990s, a “new wave” of queer films became critically acclaimed in the film industry, allowing the freedom of sexuality to be featured in films without the burden of approval from the audience. This raw and honest film genre displays the truth, secrets, and vulnerability of the LGBTQ+ community and the representation that is deserved. The New Queer Cinema movement was started by scholar Ruby Rich who wrote “This movement in film and video was intensely political and aesthetically innovative, made possible by the debut of the camcorder, and driven initially by outrage over the unchecked spread of AIDS. The genre has grown to include an entire generation of queer artists, filmmakers, and activists.” (Rich) This movement started from Rich’s writing piece, not the filmmakers themselves. An article by Sam Moore discusses Rich’s start of the movement. He states, “Rich acknowledges that the films and filmmakers she considers under the umbrella of New Queer Cinema (including Todd Haynes, Cheryl Dunye, Isaac Julien, Gus Van Sant and Gregg Araki), don’t share a single aesthetic vocabulary or strategy or concern.” Instead, they’re unified by the ways that they queer existing narratives, subvert expectations and foreground queerness in material where it had been only implicit” (Moore). The journey through the New Queer Movement started with Ruby Rich defining the movement through her writing and inspiring filmmakers to continue producing movies with the correct representation.

Actress from Gone with the Wind Susan Hayward claimed that Queer cinema existed “decades” before an official title was given to the genre. French filmmaker Jean Cocteau created Le sang d'un poète in 1934 which is documented as one of the earliest Queer films. This avant-garde style of film is associated with Queer cinema filmmakers such as and is displayed in many upcoming films such as Ulrike Ottinger, Chantal Akerman and Pratibha Parmar. The influence of Queer theory that emerged from the late 1980s helped guide the movement with the creators. The theory states "Challenge and push further debates on gender and sexuality.” Another closely related statement by feminist theory states,"Confuse binary essentialisms around gender and sexual identity, expose their limitations.” Queer cinema filmmakers were sometimes known to depict their films in a “mainstream” way that is agreeable to the audience. There was no exposure to the truths and horrors that the LGBTQ+ community experience and had a lack of representation of historical elements or themes. The concept of “straightwashing” was described to filmmaker Derek Jarman’s 1991 historical film Edward II. This film received backlash from the LGBTQ+ community due to the film’s queer representation catering to heterosexuality and heteronormativity.

The truth of the movement was for Queer films to stop romanticizing or bringing positive images of gay men and lesbian woman. The push for authenticity and liberation for the community needed to be represented in films. New Queer films were more radical and sought to challenge social norms of “identity, gender, class, family and society.” (Wikiwand.com).

To quote the amazing drag queen of all time RuPaul “Everyone is born naked, and the rest is drag” the idea of gender identity and representation in the community is unlimited, why do you need to follow the norms of society when anything is possible? The late 90s documentary Paris is Burning introduced the audience to drag culture in New York City and the people of color who were involved in the community. The term “aesthetic” was repetitive in the research of New Queer Cinema which suggests the significance involved with the style of the films. The documentary includes the aesthetic of the drag world involving the makeup, fashion, and politics. AIDS activism was involved heavily in New Queer films and ridiculed the failure of Ronald Reagans acknowledgment of epidemic and the social stigma experienced by the gay community. Conservative politics occurred during this movement resulting in lack of media coverage and government assistance for the LGTBQ+ community. This political struggle did not discourage the community and the fight is still continuing today.

Beginning in the 2010s LGBT filmmakers Rose Troche and Travis Mathews created a “newer trend” in queer filmmaking that evolved toward more universal audience appeal. In an article from Wikiwand.com states,

“Rich, the originator of the phrase New Queer Cinema, has identified the emergence in the late 2000s of LGBT-themed mainstream films such as Brokeback Mountain, Milk, and The Kids Are All Right as a key moment in the evolution of the genre.[20] Both Troche and Mathews singled out Stacie Passon’s 2013 Concussion, a film about marital infidelity in which the central characters' lesbianism is a relatively minor aspect of a story and the primary theme is how a long-term relationship can become troubled and unfulfilling regardless of its gender configuration, as a prominent example of the trend” (Wikiwand).

The film Watermelon Woman was one of the first queer films I watched for a film class, and this film allowed me to dive deeper into the subject I care a lot about which is the representation of queer narratives about woman of color. Queer woman and men deal with the most discrimination. It is unfair and cruel to see the difference of racial treatment in the LGBTQ+ community because the backbone motto is full exclusion and equal rights. The film Watermelon Woman shined light on LGBTQ+ black woman and interrogated the “Mammy” stereotype that most films depict about black actresses. Minority narratives were pushed into the circuit of the movement with developed into the later academy-award winning film Moonlight that displays those representations makes film history!

Films to recognize in the height of the New Queer film movement are

Mala Noche (1986), Gus Van Sant, was an exploration of desire through the eyes of a young white store clerk named Walt and his obsession with a young undocumented immigrant named Johnny. The film is shot in black and white on 16mm film, contains many of the early Van Sant fixations that viewers would later see get refined in My Own Private Idaho, including male hustlers, illegality, and class.

Chinese Characters (1986), Richard Fung, this early film asks still-pressing questions about the nature of gay desire when it’s mediated via pornographic images of white men. The video defies genre, mixing documentary with performance art and archival footage to explore the tensions of being a gay Asian man looking at porn.

Looking for Langston (1989), Isaac Julien, this short film, a tribute to the life and work of Langston Hughes, is a beautiful and vibrant elegy. Julien creates a lineage of queer black ancestors for himself. The film moves like the poetry it recites, playing with the gaze and how various eyes look upon the black male body.

Tongues Untied (1989), Marlon Riggs, guided by the writer Joseph Beam’s statement, “Black men loving black men is the revolutionary act,” Riggs goes through his own complicated journey of homophobia from other black people, and then racism in the gay community, to find a community of queer black people.

Poison (1991), Todd Haynes, the three parts of the film tell a story about ostracism, violence, and marginality: the bullied child who allegedly flies away after shooting his father in order to save his mother (“Hero”), a brilliant scientist who accidentally ingests his own serum to become the “leper sex killer” (“Horror”), and a sexual relationship between two men in a prison (“Homo”). Exploits radical work that Haynes later uses in his other films.

The Living End (1992), Gregg Araki, the film follows Luke, a sexy homicidal drifter who has a distaste for T-shirts, and Jon, an uptight film critic in Los Angeles. Both are HIV-positive, and as their relationship unfolds, they fight about being respectful or lustrous.

Swoon (1992), Tom Kalin, a black and white film that romanticizes wealthy Chicago lovers kill a 14-year-old boy named Bobby Franks because they want to see if they are smart enough to do it. The murder is more a play of power between them, with Loeb weaponizing sex as a way to control Leopold.

Rock Hudson’s Home Movies (1992), Mark Rappaport, Rock Hudson’s Home Movies is a documentary made up of glances and innuendos from Rock Hudson’s persona, displaying how this dashing, leading man of the Hollywood Golden Age was a closeted gay man.

MURDER and Murder (1996), Yvonne Rainer, is known for her experimental filmmaking and choreography, this film represents a late-in-life lesbian named Doris who suffers from neuroses and breast cancer. Her partner, Mildred, a queer academic, tells the story of their romance as older women. Rainer also makes appearances throughout the film in a tux, going on rants about smug homophobic parents while showing her bare chest with a mastectomy scar.

1992 was the year of the highest amount of New Queer films being produced and exceeding box office expectations. Upcoming 2000s films such as “Booksmart”, “Call me by your Name”, “The Prom”, and “Rocketman” all represent the truths and authenticity of the LGBTQ+ community and creates pathways for more films to include these cinematic themes. The movement continues to grow and succeed in the film industry with new creators and actors being more honest about the LGBTQ+ community.

22 notes · View notes

lokismusings · 3 years

Text

Russell T Davies on straight actors and gay characters.

I decided to put this here because I post a lot of Hilson stuff. As an actor, this article hit a nerve. However, as a defender of free speech, Davies is allowed to have his opinion without me thinking of him as insensitive. Just like I am allowed to have my own opinion and argument, and ask questions without being labeled “homophobic, intolerant” etc. (that would just make me laugh because have you SEEN my blog? Anyway, I’ve seen a few other websites covering this article. I am also very skeptical of everything I read, including the sources, and I try not to blindly believe everything. That being said, I felt like posting this to get other opinions and ask honest question to help my understanding. If this has already been covered on Tumblr, please feel free to send me the conversations! Some background on me: I graduated with a BA in Theatre and have worked both on and off the stage since I was twelve years old. I have directed plays and an audio play. Given my experience and dedication to my craft, I think my opinion is worth something.

Also, for the sake of this argument, I am leaving trans-actors out because that’s a whole different post. Here is the article:

https://news.sky.com/story/russell-t-davies-straight-actors-should-not-play-gay-characters-12185652

Okay, so first things first, let’s talk about this: “Speaking to the Radio Times, Davies compared a straight actor playing a gay character to black face.” Something that irks me is when one person tries to speak for a whole community and doesn’t reference people from said community who might disagree: whether it’s the LGBTQ+ community, a religious community, medical community, etc. The list goes on. Here, Davies is speaking on behalf of, or speaking for, both the LGBTQ+ community and the black community, is he not? I am genuinely asking because I would like to be more educated on this kind of speech.

Then Davies says, "I'm not being woke about this... but I feel strongly that if I cast someone in a story, I am casting them to act as a lover, or an enemy, or someone on drugs or a criminal or a saint... they are NOT there to 'act gay' because 'acting gay' is a bunch of codes for a performance.” Does that not discredit his whole statement? If any actor does a caricature version of anything and doesn’t take it seriously or really works to get into the role and the mindset of a character, they’re not a good actor. At least, they’re not an actor that I’d want to hire. Second, by the logic that a straight person shouldn’t play a gay character, should someone without a criminal record not be able to play a criminal character? Before you go off and say “it’s about identity and sexuality, and playing a criminal is about the choice to break the law” or other arguments, I hear you. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about the experience. How can an actor who has never committed a crime play a criminal character authentically? They do their research: reading, interviewing, etc. I’m not saying that an actor with a few minor marks on his record shouldn’t be considered for the same role. I’m saying that in an audition setting, if both of these actors were auditing for the role and the non-criminal-record actor just happened to do a better job and fit what the director and/or writer wanted, is that a mark against the criminal-record-actor? Maybe personally because we don’t know what the director is thinking. But chances are, it’s not a mark against the other actor. The other one just happened to have a better audition. Or, a major factor when considering casting, said actor was easy to work with--I’ve seen a lot of talented actors lose a lot of roles because of their inability to take criticism or notes.

Plus, the whole “Breaking Bad” series?? I highly doubt the main actors were meth-making drug-lords. Or, a better example, “The Wire?” In that show, we see the constant battle and deals between drug-lords and cops.

Another point I’d like to make: “...is a bunch of codes for a performance.” That’s exactly right. The audience doesn’t want to know an actor is “performing.” We know that going in, with what is called “suspension of disbelief.” We know the whole show is a performance, but we also expect the actors to be truthful (unless it’s a comedy/farce, but again, that’s a different argument).

Was it bad that, before 2020, some main characters in TV shows were portrayed as straight but the writers ended up “queer-baiting?” I am referring, of course, to House, M.D. (If you follow this blog, you’ll understand.) But I am also referring to the BBC Sherlock Holmes series. Yes, both pairs of characters (House and Wilson; Holmes and Watson) are assumed to be straight. However, some episodes allude that there could also be something more there. Even the actors have said in various interviews that they aren’t sure if it’s a true romance that the characters are afraid to face, or just a strong bond between best friends that blurs the line between platonic and romantic. I’m paraphrasing, but you get the picture. Therefore, should these characters have only been played by straight actors who are questioning their sexuality or feelings for a best friend? Would it have been disrespectful to gay people if these characters ended up becoming romantically involved? (If we ask the Hilson and Johnlock community, I’m guessing that’s a resounding “NO WAY! IT WOULD BE A DREAM COME TRUE!” xD <3)

“It's about authenticity, the taste of 2020.” *Cinema Sins sigh*

"You wouldn't cast someone able-bodied and put them in a wheelchair...” Again I say, directors and casting directors need to ALWAYS search for someone who is in a wheelchair, or deaf, or HOH, etc. before looking for an able-bodied actor to play a character with that disability (I’m iffy on the whole term “disability because of its negative connotations, but I’m using that word in order to keep this post as long as possible). But I give you the example of Rainman with Dustin Hoffman. Or A Beautiful Mind with Russell Crowe. Or the play and movie Proof, where the father had a mental illness? Anthony Hopkins was diagnosed late in life with Asperger’s Syndrome, but the father in Proof was written to allude more to schizophrenia. And yet, Anthony Hopkins did a tremendous job in that role. Or Even Forrest Gump with Tom Hanks. Many people today love Tom Hanks and laud him as a “woke” celebrity. But if he were to portray the role of Forrest Gump today, how many people would try to “cancel” him or at least have very strong words for the director not casting an actor with autism, due to the character’s autistic tendencies? A whole lot of people on the internet and Twitter, I’ll bet. As someone who struggles with anxiety and panic disorder, would I be upset if someone without that mental illness got cast in a role of a character struggling with that? Sure I would. But if they did an authentic job and approached the role respectfully, it would be hard to stay irritated. Besides, there are always more roles created practically everyday.

To continue on with Davies’ quote: “...you wouldn't black someone up.” Yikes. I’m sure he didn’t mean this in a cast-off kind of way, but that’s how it comes across. I can see now why he said he wasn’t “being woke about this,” because a more “woke” way of putting that would be...what, exactly? “You wouldn’t cast a non-black person in a black role.” That sounds better and less harsh. Or even “a white person in a minority role.” Which should be common sense, and I agree with both statements.

And then “Authenticity is leading us to joyous places." Oh! Look at that! There’s that word that I’ve been using and emphasizing throughout this whole post! Authenticity is one major brick in the foundation of good, credible acting.

“High-profile examples of straight performers playing LGBTQ+ characters include Rami Malek's Oscar-winning portrayal of Freddie Mercury in Bohemian Rhapsody, and Taron Egerton's Golden Globe-winning turn as Sir Elton John in Rocketman.”

I haven’t seen Rocketman, but I saw Bohemian Rhapsody and it was great! Why am I high-lighting this movie? Because it’s the perfect example of a straight actor playing a gay character and playing it authentically, while also looking a lot like the real person they’re portraying. If a look-a-like had been cast who also happened to be gay, but couldn’t act to save their life or couldn’t bring as much as Rami brought to the role, wouldn’t that kind of put a damper on the film? And yet, Rami Maleck both looked the part and brought an authenticity to the role that many Queen fans loved and appreciated. Even the remaining Queen band members said that he did an incredible job and Freddy would be proud. I wonder if Freddy would care that Rami wasn’t gay? I doubt it, but no one can know for certain.

Then there’s the whole term “gay face.” I personally don’t think this is the right term to use because it could possibly diminish the whole meaning and importance of “black face.” Even if Corden appeared to be mocking gay people (I never watched The Prom so I have no idea what his performance was like), calling it “gay face” takes away from and inadvertently belittles the whole dark history of “black face.” Black face’s whole history comes out of an even darker history of racist times filled with hatred and ignorance. I’m not saying that gay people haven’t had their own experiences with hate and intolerance, but isn’t kind of “un-woke” and “insensitive” to compare the hundreds of years of blatant, public racism against an entire race of people to the intolerance of homosexuals? (Again, I’m asking this genuinely because I want to learn and get other people’s opinions. I’m not trying to speak for any community, and I recognize that my personal opinion on this matter is just that: my opinion. And I could be better informed.)

Along the lines of the above paragraph, is it wrong to say or think that casting a non-minority actor in a minority role is a lot different from casting a straight actor in a gay role? Sexuality comes in all shapes, sizes, and colors; that is to say, every race has people with different sexualities. But I think it would be pretty cringe if a Caucasian actress was cast in a role meant for an Asian or African-American woman.

Director Joe Mantello told Sky News the casting was not intentional, but rather a "very fortunate series of events".

He continued: "That being said, I think having an out gay cast really did inform the work and it took on a particular kind of tone because of that, which is not to say that's the only way to approach this material. But for this particular group, it did something that I think is very, very special. There's a chemistry that they have."

And this man summed up my entire argument! He also put into simpler terms what I have been trying to express about the beauty of theatre: there will always be special casts, especially when there’s a great chemistry from a shared experience. A "very fortunate series of events,” indeed. “The casting was not intentional...” leads me to believe that the director didn’t set out to have an all out-gay-cast, but rather, each actor brought great performances to their auditions and were considered by the director to be perfect for the roles. These actors also just happened to be gay.

If you’re still here after all of that, let me take a moment to sincerely thank you for reading the whole thing! I know it’s a lot, but I’m very passionate about acting and giving each and every actor a fair chance. Let me know what you think, and please be respectful!

26 notes · View notes

cilldaracailin · 3 years

Text

We Are The Champions

Hello my Tumblr Lovely’s,

Happy Tuesday except for me it is a Happy Thursday as today is my Thursday as I have a long weekend ahead of me! Woohoo! Can’t wait! Really wanna go and get a new piercing but it is such an effort to get into Dublin now with all the stuff going on... Anywhoo, here is the next part to this story.

So quick question... Who is ready for some drama? Raise your hand.

Oh you are? Brilliant!

Your wish is my command!

Suze xx.

As always, I do not know Taron and this story is all fiction and a story and is not a true representation of Taron and his family. All made up.

“Instead of worrying about what you cannot control, shift your energy to what you can create.”

After nearly two hours of lazing in the sun, Robyn who had been laying on her stomach got to her knees and took the air pod from her ear. She rubbed her eyes and looked to her left, Tina sitting on her deck chair reading a book, Guy and the girls nowhere around. To her right, Taron lay on his back but he wasn’t asleep as she could see him tapping along to the song on his stomach.

“Hey rocketman.” She saw him turn to look at her. “You promised me a laze about, a picnic, a swim but also a stroll. Wanna go for a walk?”

Taron grinned and nodded. “Please.” He sat up. “It is good to stetch out some muscles after sunbathing.”

“Make-up are really going to have tone you down.” Robyn laughed as she stood up, reaching for Taron’s hands to help him up.

“Matthew knew what he was doing letting me go for the weekend. He knew my plans.” He took a step closer to her. “And at last I see those freckles returning.” He tapped her nose. “Only took a year.”

“Don’t get used to them. They will be gone the next time you see me.” She saw his face fall a little. “Come on. You owe me a stroll.” Linking her arm with his, she led him towards his mam.

“Tried of catching some sun?” Tina asked, putting her book down.

“Taron promised me a stroll.” Robyn answered truthfully.

“Guy and the girls went for a walk too. Bit disappointed they never got their second sandcastle.” She grinned. “He told them they needed to search for special stones for their castle so they have wandered off with their buckets.”

“We will help them when we come back.” Robyn replied.

“No rush. The girls will want to search the whole beach for the perfect stones. They will be a while yet. Go. Enjoy a walk. The crowds have whittled down a bit. Lot of people have headed home.”

Making their way to the water, Taron took the inside, closest to the water, Robyn beside him but she ran a few steps away from him when he used his foot to splash her.

“None of that!” Robyn chuckled, keeping her distance from him, but when he grinned reaching out for her hand, she took it and moved back beside him now both walking through the waves a little. “And don’t be sad either.”

“Sad?” He asked, making sure to link his fingers with hers.

“I know we have been quite lucky with how much we have seen each other lately and we just don’t know when it will happen again.”

“And I am so bloody close to you but yet it hasn’t worked at all in our favour.”

“Hey now, you still have lots of time left in Belfast.”

“But it is mixed in with all the travelling back and forth to London.” He laughed as Robyn dropped his hand and gave him a hard push with her two hands, Taron stumbling into the water, his green shorts getting wet.

“Robyn! What was that for?” He shook his wet hands at her, before pulling her into him, the water drops on his skin pressing onto hers, hearing her laugh more. “Seriously? You said stroll.” He rolled his eyes as she still laughed at him and without thinking swung his left arm around her, pulling her close into him. “Evil woman.”

“I want you smiling, not sad.” Robyn answered him, sliding her right arm around his back to his waist, her left hand touching his fingers on her shoulder. “We have been here before. We know we will see each other again and we know we can’t really plan it and it just happens but I don’t want to see you sad because that makes me sad and I have had the best weekend. Best in a long time actually. We will work it out. We always do.”

Taron agreed with a kiss to her temple. “I have loved this weekend.”

“Snowman and all?” Robyn asked laughing.

“I swear, I can pick you up and chuck you in the ocean again.”

“Oh yeah?” Robyn teased, tickling his side.

“Robyn, I will do it.” Taron said as he dropped his arm from her shoulders, stopping their walk suddenly. “You know I will.”

“You gotta catch me first!” Robyn took to a run, a run at full speed, as best she could on the wet sand, her feet sinking into the sand making it hard to run and she knew Taron would be right on her heels and as expected and perhaps quicker than she thought, Taron was right behind her. She heard him laughing and kept on running, dodging people on the water line, which gave her a bit more of an advantage on the gap between them, as Taron had to also avoid colliding with people who were still on the beach. Robyn could feel her heart racing with excitement and kept up her pace with no idea how close or far Taron was from her and she jumped and shouted when he grabbed her right around the waist, lifting her up and against him.

“Got you! And now you are going in!” Taron had chased after Robyn, smiling at her ridiculously silly antics but he loved her for it and eagerly ran after her, cursing as the people in the water got in his way, Robyn getting quite far ahead of him. He picked up some speed and ground when there was a clear path through and even though she was still running, he caught up with her and wrapped his arms around her tightly, stopping her, lifting her from the sand with his two arms, cradling her against his chest. “Right. You’re in for it now chicken!”

Taron got three steps into the water when his head turned on hearing someone shouting his name and not just shouting it, but roaring it.

“TARON!”

With Robyn still in his arms, he stopped, the waves lapping at his calves, his head turned to see Guy running his way looking extremely flustered and upset. Taron carefully set Robyn down and met his step-dad on the sand.

“Taron…” Guy was breathless from his run. “Have… you…” He placed his hand on his chest and the other on his step-sons shoulder.

“Guy, take your time.” Taron felt Robyn come and stand beside him.

“Guy?” She asked seeing the distress on his face. “What’s going on?”

“Mari.” Guy managed to get out, finally catching his breathe. “Have either of you seen Mari?”

Robyn looked to Taron and saw his whole face pale, his eyes wide. “Not since the picnic. Mam said you went with the girls to look for stones for a sandcastle.”

“And we did. We were up at the other end of the beach and were looking for the stones and the two girls were right beside me. Rosie found a stone and was showing me and I turned around and Mari was gone.”

“Guy…” Taron placed his two hands on the older man shoulders.

“She has gone wandering and I can’t find her. Your mam is worried sick.”

Robyn could see the worry immediately set hard in Taron’s face, the same fear in Guy’s face too.

“You searched where you were?” Taron asked. “All around the other end of the beach? She didn’t go to mam to show her stones?”

“No Taron!” Guy snapped. “She isn’t there. She isn’t with your mam and Tina even called Eve to see if Mari walked to the café and she isn’t there either. Tina was nearly in the sea searching for Mari until I pulled her out. We can’t find her anywhere.”

“Did you check…”

“Everywhere Taron!” Guy yelled, his hands going to his face.

Robyn stepped in front of Taron and reached back to take his hand, giving it a very reassuring squeeze. “Ok let’s just take thirty seconds.” She kept speaking quickly before Guy got any more upset or angry. “First off, Mari knows not to go near the water. It is something that she was taught from a very early age so I am very sure you can cross that off your list.” She saw Guy’s raised shoulders hitch a little higher. “And second, she is a smart little girl. She knows where your family was sitting, where to go.”

“Because you know my child so well?” Guy said to Robyn, almost spitting the words her way. “You think because you came dressed as a Disney princess and did some face paint, you know my children?”

“Guy!” Taron was taken aback at how he had spoken to Robyn and went to move to stand beside Robyn, giving her hand a very tight squeeze.

“No Taron. My eight-year-old daughter has gone missing and she thinks she can just talk her way…”

“She was trying to help!” Taron replied angrily.

“Ok. Ok enough!” Robyn turned to Taron. “Enough.” She looked to Guy then. “Why don’t you take Taron as you were going to do and I will walk the water up and down and keep an eye out.”

“Robyn…”

“Go with guy Taron. I will walk the water’s edge up and down.” She placed a calming hand on his shoulder. “Get your mam to stay at the deck chairs in case she comes back to that spot. Check the bathrooms too.”

Without another look at either of the men, Robyn side stepped around Taron and kept on walking in the direction they had been going, looking left and right for any sign of Mari, Taron watching her walk away from him, before turning back this his step-dad.

“Seriously?” He asked with a clear heated tone. “She was trying to help.”

“I don’t need her help. I need my daughter back.” Guy barked.

“And that was what Robyn was trying to do!” Taron walked around Guy and with speed, headed back along the shore. “Help get your daughter, my sister back with advice and suggestions on finding her. What you said to her, Jesus Guy.” Taron’s speed increased knowing he hadn’t far to go to get back to where their deck chairs were. “Talk about cutting her to the core. Robyn gave her everything to that party yesterday.”

“Takes more than a dress and some flapjacks to raise a family Taron.” Guy replied bitterly

“And it takes her patience, unbelievable kind and caring nature and sane advice to try and help us!” Taron shouted turning on his heels, water splashing around him. “Robyn doesn’t just panic in a situation like this. She stops and thinks it through, putting reasonable logic and perspective on what is going on, trying to keep calm and…”

“My daughter is missing!” Guy yelled.

“And Robyn was helping you find her! I know you are worried and I can understand this is stressful for you and mam but wouldn’t you rather have someone who is calm and composed, coming up with some helpful suggestions on first how to find Mari but second to ease some of your worries. She was helping, trying to alleviate your concerns and she was right. Mari knows well to stay away from the water and has done since she was little. She won’t go near it.”

“Taron, Robyn is not a part of our family and this is something for our family to be involved in.”

He felt his hands curling into fists by his sides and the exhale from his lungs was angry and suddenly Taron was fuming. “She is the reason I am still alive and here and you only have a tiny notion of what she did for me in the 7/11 during the most horrific experience of my life. As far as I am concerned Robyn deserved every right to be a part of my family when she put her hands on my chest, her lips on mine and gave me my life back. You would rather she just walked away when Richard called for help?” Taron took a step closer to Guy, his face just a few centimetres from him. “Robyn is my family and always will be and you will not speak to her like that.” Taron’s voice grew low, almost growling at his step-dad. “When we find Mari, you will apologise to her and apologise sincerely.” Turning around, Taron all but stormed up the beach, seeing his mam standing up, frantically looking around for Mari. Trying to calm himself down, Taron took to a light run to her. “Mam…”

“Oh Taron!” Tina threw her arms around him and buried her face into his shoulder. “She’s gone missing.” She quickly took her head away from his shoulder and placed her hands on his cheeks. “What has happened?” She saw Taron try to soften his face but his eyes were hard set. “Taron…”

“Nothing mam.”

“Taron…”

“Mam, not now.”

“Where is Robyn?” Tina had been so used to seeing her son stuck to Robyn all weekend, she looked around trying to spot her. She felt her husband come stand beside her and looked at his face and then back to her sons. “Right, what on earth is going on? Robyn?”

“Robyn has continued to walk along the shore towards the rocks, the way we had been walking.” Taron explained. “She is going to stay along the water’s edge and walk up and down.”

“Mari knows to stay away from the water when we are not with her.” Tina said firmly.

“That’s exactly what Robyn told Guy.” Taron answered, staring at his step-dad.

“But she still stayed at the water?” Tina asked.

“She thought maybe Mari would look for some smaller stones at the shore so said she would keep an eye out as she walked up and down.”

“Taron, I am really worried. Eve hasn’t seen her. She has taken Rosie for me to walk along the prom, hoping to catch her from a height. It’s not like Mari to just walk away from her dad.”

Taron reached for his mam’s hands. “Ok first off, let’s not panic. Mari has wandered off somewhere looking for stones and is on the beach. We all know she is not in the water. You have drilled that into all of us. Stay away from the water. Eve and Rosie have the prom covered; Robyn is walking the shore. I will take the left side of the beach and Guy is going to take the right side and we will search up and down both sides. Mam you stay here at the seats.”

“Taron, I can’t. I need to go and look for her.”

“Mam I understand you are worried but if Mari strolls back here and there is no one at the deck chairs, then she will get upset and scared. You stay here and I know it is hard not to look with us but you need to stay here in case she comes back here.”

“Taron is right Tina. If Mari comes back this way and none of us are here waiting for her, she will get upset.” Guy placed his hands on his wife’s shoulders, avoiding Taron’s eyes.

“It was actually Robyn’s suggestion to stay at the chairs.” Taron added quicky, his eyes going to Guy’s for a brief second, then looking back down to his mam. “Mari probably doesn’t even realise she is missing but rather still looking for the stones.” Taron said softly to his mother, giving her hands a reassuring squeeze. “We will find her. Guy and I will take our phones.”

“Robyn…”

“If Robyn finds Mari, she will bring her back here and you can call us. Eve has her phone?” Tina nodded. “Just take a breath mam. Mari is on the beach somewhere and we will have her back in no time.”

Without another word, Taron walked past her, dug into Robyn’s bag and pulled out his phone, slipped his feet into his runners and walked around the deck chairs and towards the left side of the beach, staying in the middle between the wall and shore, looking left and right, keeping an eye out for his sister.

When Taron left and was out of ear shot, Tina turned around to her husband. “What happened?” She saw Guy look over her head and with a pinch to his side, he looked to her. “He is pissed. What happened?”

“I am going to go and walk the beach, look for Mari.”

“Guy!” Tina called after her husband as he left her, grabbing his phone from the deck chair on the way past. “Men.” She muttered under her breathe, taking a seat in one of the deck chairs, picking up her phone, gripping it tight in her hands. Looking left, she just caught a glimpse of her son as he slowly walked down the beach and then to her right, her husband doing the same. Thoroughly confused, but very sure there had been a serious argument, Tina pushed it to the back of her mind, her eyes darting left and right, looking at every child who was within her eye line, praying one of them was Mari.

Robyn was desperate to give Taron a hug as she slowly ambled through the lapping waves, looking all around, trying to see if Mari was this far down the beach. She heard his voice travel her way as she walked away from him and heard the angry tone it held as he spoke to Guy and was sure it was for her benefit. As much as she appreciated how Taron had stood up for her, and obviously chastised his step-dad for how he had spoken to her, Robyn didn’t hold it against the older man. He was so clearly anxious and agitated by Mari’s sudden disappearance and in the heat of moment said some things she knew he didn’t mean at all. His little daughter had gone missing so of course his emotions were a little frayed and Taron’s short temper had already been tested over the weekend so both men were overly agitated. All she was worried about was Mari and as she came towards the far end of the beach, the number of people dwindling out, soon she was alone, heading for some large rocks which were clearly the cut-off point and end of the beach.

As she neared the rocks, Robyn stopped in her tracks, her eyes picking up a colourful swimsuit and one little girl standing on top of them, a bucket and spade in her hands.

“Mari.” Robyn sighed, her head shaking a little as she took to a jog but stopping as she was a couple of meters from the pile of stones, her whole face changing from happiness at finding Mari to worry at the amount of water between her and the rocks. “Shit.” At the end of the beach, the rocks on which Mari stood were slowly being covered as the evening tide came in and as Robyn wadded into the water, she could see that when Mari made her way up onto the rocks, the tide had yet to travel so far in and she easily could make her way up onto the stones but now was stuck and cut off from the clear pathway down, cold sea water blocking her way back to the beach.

“Robyn!” Looking up, Robyn heard her name, Mari finally seeing her. “Robyn! I am stuck! I can’t get down.”

“Ok darling. Don’t worry.” Robyn stepped further into the ocean, the water up to her calves. “I am going to come and help you. Stay where you are.” Robyn walked in a straight line until she could see the rocks under the waves and turning, now moved deeper into the ocean so the rocks were on her left side, the level of the water inching up her body until she was chest deep and right beside where Mari was stuck. Using her feet, she felt for some rocks and so very carefully climbed up the slippery stones, using her hands to drag herself up, getting to her knees and finally up beside Mari, the young girl throwing herself at her legs, dropping her bucket and spade, the shovel falling into the ocean, the waves dragging it backwards.

“Robyn!” Mari clung to the older woman; her head tucked into Robyn’s hip. “We always come here to the rock pools and I thought I could find some nice stones for the sandcastles and the water just came in so fast and I wasn’t watching and now I am stuck and the water is everywhere and blocking my way down.”

Crouching down, Robyn took Mari in for a proper hug, feeling the little girl shaking a little. “It’s ok darling. You are going to be just fine.”

“I come up here all the time with Dad and Rosie and we look in the rock pools but never when the water is so high. I climbed up from the bottom and when I looked back, I couldn’t see the end of the rocks any more. It was all just water.”

“You walked away from your dad.” Robyn said to Mari, moving away from her a little but keeping her in a hug. “You didn’t tell him you were going.”

“I only walked away for a minute.”

“Mari,” Said Robyn, her voice very serious. “You always tell your dad or mam if you are going somewhere or leaving them whether it is for a minute or just to wander a tiny bit away. Your parents and Taron are so very worried about you.” She saw her face fall. “I know you didn’t mean to walk away but you have all your family so concerned about you. Your mam thought you went into the water.”

“I would never go into the water.” Mari said her eyes very sad. “It’s dangerous. I didn’t mean to make everyone worry about me. I was just looking for stones for our sandcastle and I know the rock pools have nice ones.”

“Oh Mari.” Robyn hugged the little girl tight again. “I know you didn’t and I am just so glad you are ok and I found you. Now, we need to get back to your parents before they have the whole of Aberystwyth looking for you.” She gave Mari’s cheek a little kiss, her eyes darting to the water as it splashed against the rocks. Even with the few minutes she had been with Mari on the rocks, the incoming tide had travelled far and looking behind her, Robyn could see the only safe way back to the beach was by the way she had reached Mari, through the water. Without being able to see the rocks at the far end, she wouldn’t take the chance of even trying to walk Mari that way, knowing swimming her the short distance back to shore was the safest and easiest option. “Ok so we are going to have a little swim back.”

Mari’s eyes opened wide. “In the deep part?”

“You will be fine. I will hold you the whole time. It will only be a few seconds until we are back on the beach.”

“Can’t we wait for Dad to find us?” Mari asked.

Robyn shook her head. “I don’t know how long it will be before the water covers these rocks Mari or how long it will take your dad or Taron to walk this way and I don’t have a phone to call anybody. We need to get down from the rocks now before the water gets too deep. I promise I will keep you safe and look after you.”

“Like you looked after Taron?” She asked.

“Exactly like that. Now we are going to have to leave the bucket behind.” Robyn stood up and gently gave the red bucket behind Mari a little kick. “I will buy you a new one.”

“I don’t want a new one.” Mari said. “I just want my daddy.”

“Oh darling. I know.” Robyn bent down and picked Mari up, giving her a tight squeeze. “I am going to get you back to your daddy and I know you are a little scared about getting in the water but I doubly promise I will get you back to the beach. You just have to trust me, ok?” She felt the smallest shake into her shoulder. “Did Taron ever tell you how I went to go and swim with the dolphins?” She said to the little girl, feeling another shake of her head. “Well the water the dolphins lived in was much deeper than the water beside us and I spent nearly all day swimming in it with no floaties or rings, helping special little children as they swam with the dolphins.”

“You did?” Mari asked lifted her head and looking at Robyn.

“Yep. All day.”

“With no floaties?”

“Not one.”

“Swimming by yourself?”

“Uh-huh. I promise you Mari, nothing is going to happen to you or me. I will keep you so safe and my arms around you all time and if I can’t hold you, you just squeeze your arms around me.” Robyn saw her a little nod. “Ok darling.” Robyn hugged her again. “Now let’s get out of here.”

Still with Mari in her arms, Robyn looked around her to see which was the best way to get back down to the water, which way Mari would be able to follow her down and having already climbed up one part of the rocks, figured it was best to climb down the same ones. She set Mari down and carefully stepped down onto the rock below her, finding her feet and balance on the next one down before she reached out for Mari to join her. With a lot of hesitation and even more encouragement from Robyn, the little girl stepped down, squeezing tight onto Robyn’s hands.

“You are doing great already.” Robyn assured her. “I am going to step down again and you can follow me.” Robyn’s feet stood on a very slippery rock and tried to keep her face straight and confident as Mari depended on her to get her back safely to shore. As she kept Mari steady on the rock above her, Robyn glanced down and couldn’t see the next rock, the white breaking waves now biting at her ankles. “Ok Mari, we are going to have to do a little jump into the water.” She watched Mari’s eyes open wide. “It’s only a small jump and once in, we can be back on the beach really quickly. I am going to go first, hold my arms open for you and you can jump. I will catch you.”

“Ok Robyn.” Although she was frightened, Mari believed Robyn would look after her, keep her safe. She had already kept her brother safe and she absolutely trusted Robyn. She watched as Robyn took one long jump straight into the water, coming to the surface and turning around to her.

“Ok Mari.” Using her legs, to keep herself above the water, Robyn lifted her arms from the water and held them out. “On the count of three, ok? You will have to jump as far as you can.” So wary of the rocks, Robyn moved as far away as she could, still keeping enough distance that she could catch the little girls and then she started to count. She didn’t want a scratch of any sort on Mari, the little girl already being so brave with the mess he had found herself in, so kept as far away from the rocks as she could. “Ok darling, one, two, three.” Robyn had just finished saying three when Mari took a leap off the rocks, into the water and Robyn’s open arms, Robyn catching her tight, keeping the young girls head above the water. “Well done darling. So brave.”

“Can we go now?” Mari asked, her arms around Robyn’s neck. “I wanna see my family.”

“Of course. I am just going to move us away from the rocks and then we are going to swim towards the beach, ok?”

“Ok Robyn.”

“You just keep a tight hold of me Mari.”

Robyn could feel Mari’s arm creep around further her neck, both clasping together, her legs tightening around her hips. Keeping her right arm fixed around Mari’s back, Robyn placed her feet on the rock closest to her and pushed back hard, then kicked her legs, helping them to move away from the rocks, trying to get as much space between them and the sharp hard stones before she even thought about swimming them both back to shore. Taking a glance over her shoulder, Robyn did a double take as she saw a large rolling wave coming their way, one that was surely going to break over both their heads. With a strong kick, she turned them both around so Mari’s back was to the oncoming wave.

“Robyn?”

“There is a big wave coming. Don’t be scared. It is going to go over our heads but only for a second. Hold on tight to me. I am going to lift you up as high as I can and when I say so, you need to take a big deep breath for me and close your eyes.” She could see the panic set in Mari’s face. “Darling it is one wave, that is coming and it will be over before you know it. You go swimming all the time with your dad, right?” Mari nodded. “Ok so it is just like taking a big breath and going under the water. You can do this.”

“I am scared.”

“Me too Mari but it’s one big wave and then we are going to swim back to the beach.” Looking over her head again, Robyn had about ten seconds before the wave hit them. “I will count and you hold your breath, ok?” With the wave only seconds away, Robyn didn’t wait for Mari to answer her and hoisted up her higher, her two arms under her bum, kicking her legs very hard to keep them afloat. “Ok Mari. One, two, three.”

She watched Mari take a big breath, and as the wave hit Mari’s back and flowed over her head, Robyn was so busy concentrating on looking after the little girl, she forgot to take her own breath and wasn’t fully prepared for the force or power of the wave, and it would have flattened her if the rocks hadn’t been behind her. She ended up with a mouthful of seawater, most of which she swallowed as she silently cried out as her left outer thigh and back of her left leg rubbed hard against the sharp rocks, a stinging pain making her grip Mari tighter against her. As the wave rolled back, she managed to gain control of her body and kicked her legs, ignoring how her left leg throbbed and swam as best she could while still carrying Mari up high away from the rocks, finally getting her own head above the water when she was sure she a good two meters away from the rocks. Letting Mari slip down her body, Robyn coughed a little, feeling her stomach turning horribly with the sea water she had swallowed but pushing her own discomfort aside she looked to Mari, whose face was buried under her neck, her arms around her shoulders, her legs around her waist, clinging to her.

“Mari, you ok?” Robyn asked her, her legs kicking furiously under the water to keep them both up.

“I am ok.” She heard.

“Ok darling, let’s get back to the shore. I am going to turn you around and hold you against me and swim backwards.” Robyn carefully moved Mari so her back was against her chest and used her left arm to cross over Mari’s shoulder and once she was secure, kicked her legs moving them both towards the shore.

10 notes · View notes

miss-kittys-magical-library · 3 years

Note

In honor of Rob's birthday, can you write a Rob character of your choice with reader or an OC of your choice celebrating his birthday? Fluffy and maybe some light smut? Go wild. ;)

Your Song

Words: 1760

Warnings: Fluff turned smut

A/N: Just inserting Honey and Leon into random awesome points in music history. Cribbed from a scene in "Rocketman," directed by Nathan's freakishly short dad (Dexter Fletcher)

Leon and Honey stumbled and giggled down a path in the woods behind a house in the Canyon. They stopped to kiss under a Laurel tree, laughing when Leon’s hair got tangled up in some branches. Sometimes he seemed to forget how tall he was.

It was unusually warm for early January, but after a show at the Troubadour a party at Mama Cass’s bungalow felt like a serendipitous idea. They held tight to one another’s hands a bit drunk on elderberry wine. Maybe a brownie or two, their first since coming back to the States.

The couple hadn't been alone in several years, not really. Not since Selina was born. They had left her behind in Manhattan with Honey’s parents with an invite from Johnny (who somehow found himself doing far better in LA than he ever did in London.) Away from the snow and slush and post-holiday angry New Yorkers. The Bartucci’s back in their comedy club that Honey bought back and reopened at the start of a new decade. They really could use a vacation. Who turns down Elton John?

Suddenly, today, Leon found himself thirty years old. The 70s weren't much different than the 60s. Rock music got better, the clothes stayed almost the same. Still the same causes for Honey to throw herself into, Leon by her side but with a toddler strapped to his back. Maybe he would never actually be on the moon, but Honey certainly brought it down to him in their little girl.

“We've gotta get back to the house,” Honey lifted Leon’s hand up and brushed her mouth against his knuckles. “I worked a little something out with Elton.” She started to tug him along.

Leon dug his heels into the dirt, and his girlfriend’s arm nearly came out of its socket. “Honnn eeeyyy,” that sexy whine. “You've gone and brought Mr Elton John into it? Oh I'm not big on my birthday, you know that.”

Honey planted her hands on her hips, “Not everyone in our generation is gonna get to turn thirty. There's a piano in the house, and he thinks it's far out. Now c'mon, don't be a spoil sport.” She mimicked Leon's accent.

“Only if he says it's alright. Know how I am ‘bout doing things that aren't my bag.” Still he followed her down to the house, hands in his pockets as Honey literally skipped ahead, bits of bark in her hair.

It all felt unearthly, being surrounded by musicians whose records they had back in The Village. Or how short they all were. Save for John Phillips, the only person who towered slightly over Leon that night. Everyone called him Kubrick in jest, but his cheeks flushed all the same. He perked up straight away when Cass tugged on his vest. The one Honey made. He wore it now over a long sleeved thermal shirt and tight jeans that boot-legged instead of belled.

“Say this is pretty groovy. This is almost flashy enough for Elton to wear.” Her hands ran over the fabric.

“Honey made it. Our first Christmas together back in ‘67. London. Where I'm from. Well no I'm from Greece but,” Leon stammered.

“Relax man. We don't bite! That's Michelle’s job. Your old lady said you've got a kid back East. Me too. Owen, she's around here somewhere.”

You could tell she was whacked out on something. Everyone here was except Leon and Honey. Not really tipsy anymore both down from the brownie earlier. Looking around, the party goers were at the various stages of undress and sex. It was like the couple got rid of Renatis and replaced him with Mama Cass. Except she was so much cooler, her vibe felt truer and at ease.

“Yeah Selina. She's four I think?”

Leon scratched his head before noticing Honey sitting on the piano bench with a guitar. Topless. Elton beside her, also topless but still in his jeans. What a strange fucking life he and Johnny got into after coming here in 1970.

“Like the moon! I get it, Kubrick! Honey said you really love her. Cherish it man, they'll be us soon enough,” she winked. Then Cass affectionately pat his cheek like a mother would.

Leon’s heart would break a year later when she died. Everyone’s heart would. Always touching his face anytime he heard her sing.

For now she was alive and sat down in a chair. Leon leaned against the doorframe as Honey and Elton started to play. Lost in his own world, everyone else in the bungalow faded away except her. He wrapped a finger up in a stray curl that fell from his ponytail, smiling in her direction.

It took him a moment to realize these two people were singing TO Leon and not everyone else. He was so caught up in the way Honey’s fingers moved expertly over the strings. Was this why she asked for lessons? How he always fell in love just by looking at her.

So excuse me forgetting

But these things I do

You see I've forgotten, if they're green or they're blue

Anyway the thing is, what I really mean

Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

And you can tell everybody

This is the song

It may be quite simple, but now that it's done

I hope you don't mind

That I put down in the words

Later in a loft, Honey and Leon naked on the floor. Leon's lips making their way down Honey’s chest where he stops to take a nipple in his mouth. Sucking hungrily before teasing it with his teeth. Biting somewhere between playful and rough. Alternating between each of her breasts before continuing down over her stomach. Tongue dipping into her navel.

Honey’s back arches into Leon and she moans softly. Her hand lost in his hair as sexual instinct makes her urge him further down. But her brain says through her mouth,

“Wait, it's your birthday. Let me give you head.” The words breathless.

Leon is already diving into her. His tongue snaking deep inside like his fingers often do before going for her clit. Flicking at it a few times, circling it quicker. His hands spread her thighs so he has better access as he works her faster. His head moving up and down the whole time.

Then: “If I wanna go down on you for MY birthday, the only way you're gonna stop me is by saying no.” Leon paused, large eyes gazing up at Honey. His mouth glistening. “Are you saying no, then?”

“Fuck no, I love when you do this. I just figured you wanted to lay back and let me suck you off.”

He smiled and went back to it. Burying his face into Honey further. Then switching from his quick pace, Leon ran his tongue agonizingly slow along her cunt. The entire length of one side, sucking on it, plunging it in to work around Honeys clit then up the other side. Repeating this a few times, tongue manipulating her clit longer and faster.

Honey felt that heat build in her sex. That throb and the contraction. She cried out with that sudden swell of wetness before she came. She was so close but her mouth opened:

“Leon stop!”

Leon sat up and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, “What? What's wrong? Too much, love?”

“No no it was the perfect amount of too much. I don't wanna cum before we fuck.”

“Now THAT'S a bleeding birthday present. Time for me to get a toss over?” Leon's eyes shone with excitement. “Can we shag where someone might catch us?”

He stood up and helped Honey to her feet. Walking her to the railing that exposed the loft to the living room below where everyone had played their music before. A couple was already going at it on the couch not very silently.

Leon put his hand on the thick wood and yanked a few times to check its strength. It was perfect.

Honey situated herself in front of him, back pressing into his chest. She lifted her foot up on the bottom part and jutted her hips back into her partner’s erection. She anchored herself with her arms spread along the length of railing where he had just tested it.

Leon covered only one of Honey’s hands, his arm parallel to hers. The other hand taking the head of his cock teasing her with it. Then clutching the thick of her hip, he buries himself up to the hilt inside of her.

In his excitement, Leon began pounding into Honey madly. His hips hitting her ass every time created a rhythmic slapping sound. No longer needing to brace himself on her waist, he covered Honey’s mouth instead as her mewls of pleasure began.

Honey cried out into Leon's hand. Her body twisting slightly to give him better access. They had rutted this way enough that she knew angling her cunt downwards allowed him to hit her G spot. Something it took them both several years to figure out. Now that they had..

Leon lost himself in slamming into Honey with a speed he hadn’t felt since he did cocaine. The sweat created a shean across his cheeks, neck and chest from the heat they were building. Gut told him it would start forming on her forehead and stomach. What little he was grasping also told him Honey’s tits and ribs were crashing into the railing.

“Steady on, love.” Whispering huskily in her ear. “Yeah. I love being inside you. Never gonna get fucking sick of it. Your twat drives me barking.”

Honey kept on and kept up. That cataclysm in her walls, they flexed around Leon's cock suddenly. She squealed loudly into his hand as she came so hard her stomach muscles cramped. Her body still took to being rammed.

But not long, spurred on by the constriction of Honey’s orgasm, Leon exploded inside of her. Releasing completely but biting down on her shoulder to prevent from yelling out into the stillness.

Honey winced, but her gasp came out closer to another cry of pleasure. Her body cumming again unexpectedly. Leon would use that against her happily in the future.

They untangled themselves and were kissing in the dark. Then from downstairs came a humming. It soon turned into singing. The voice belonged to a tiny Englishman with diamond studded glasses.

“How wonderful life is while you’re in the world."

Tag: @robertsheehanownsmyass @badsext @joz-stankovich @elliethesuperfruitlover @nightmonsters

#robert sheehan #robert sheehan character fic #request #neuroticpuppy #leon x honey

29 notes · View notes

cherryblossomflowers · 4 years

Text

An Old Life Meets A New (Pt 1)

Pairing: Jensen x Daughter, Danneel x Stepdaughter

Warnings: Slight Cussing, Angst, Fluff, Death Mentioned, Car Accident Mentioned, Anxiety/Depression

Summary: After the recent death of her mother, Harper must adjust to her new life in the Ackles home, this includes a new stepmother, half-siblings, and reconnecting with her father.

A/N: This is a very very depressing type story. If I left something out in the warning that happens, I'll try to catch it.

*ASK OPEN*

**MAKE SURE TO COMMENT TO BE TAGGED**

Chapter 1

From the window it looked like the plane was floating on the clouds. An empty class of apple juice and a candy bar wrapper sits on the table. Cold air was blasting throughout the area. The smell of freshly made coffee was in the air.

Sitting in first class, thanks to an upgraded ticket from her father, a 15-year-old Harper fiddled with her Spotify on her phone, trying to find a song that was loud enough to tune out the rest of the world.

After scrolling through every single playlist, she settled on Nightmare by Avenged Sevenfold, which is ironically is what she feels she's been living for the past week.

One week ago today, Harper got a call. Her mother was in a car accident coming home from work. Whoever had hit her passed away at the scene and both cars were crushed completely. Her mother barely survived the ambulance ride to the hospital.

Once Harper got there, a doctor informed her that her mother passed away just minutes before she arrived. They said they did all they could.

Let's be real. All doctors say that.

The funeral was 4 days ago. There were so many people at the cemetery, so many people coming up to Harper and giving condolences. Harper was asked to speak, but she couldn't make herself do it.

Harper looked at her screensaver on her phone as a single tear fell from her face. The last photo she had taken of her mom. They were visiting the Statue of Liberty and her mother insisted on taking a selfie. That photo has been her screen saver since.

Soon after the funeral was the meeting with her mother's lawyer. Written in her will were the following words: If anything were to happen to me while Harper was under 18, call her father.

Harper hadn't heard from her father in about 7 years. He used to fly up to NYC and visit, and sometimes Harper would fly out to Texas for the summer.

The last time Harper saw Jensen, she was 8 years old. He came to watch her perform in a ballet show in Central Park. After the show, he hung out and took some pictures with her.

Now, Harper was sitting on her flight to Austin looking at the picture of her 8-year-old self with Jensen. The ballet show photo was the last one they had together. After that, Jensen stopped calling, stopped visiting, and pretty much fell off the face of the earth.

Or so Harper thought.

Her mother's lawyer got in touch with Jensen and told him the situation. Harper didn't really get a say in anything, but as a 15-year-old she didn't really have a choice.

So she packed up her New York City life in a duffel bag and her backpack, got a ticket to Austin, and was on her way to a totally different life.

A flight attendant touched Harper's shoulder, which made her jump in her seat. Harper ripped off her head phone and looked up.

The attendant took a step back, "My apologies ma'am. I was just letting you know we are beginning out descent."

Harper nodded her head as the attendant left. She put her phone in her back pocket and her headphone around her neck, and sat back her chair. She looked out the window and sighed.

The attendant had one thing right: She was beginning her descent. But into her new life.

Was she ready? After 7 years had Jensen forgotten everything about her? Was he ready?

The town of Austin was in sight from the window. It still looked the same after so many years.

Nerves suddenly bubble up in Harper's stomach when the plane hit the runway. Her anxiety had to be through the roof at this point. She looked down at her bouncing leg and her shaky hands. She leaned her head back and took a deep, shaky breath.

When the plane had come to a complete halt, the seat-belt sign flashed, but Harper didn't move. She was glued to her seat, terrified to move. Everyone in first class was moving around and getting their bags from the upper compartments. Harper stayed put.

Once the first class members were exiting the plane, Harper knew it was now or never. She stood from her seat, grabbed her backpack from the overhead compartment, and walked down the aisle of the plane. She got to the exit, nodded at the flight attendants waving goodbye, and left.

She walked behind people, making herself as small as possible. She pulled her headphone back up and around her ears, reaching in her back pocket for her phone. She hit play on Spotify, the song now being Rocketman, and walked to the baggage claim.

Harper stood in front of the baggage claim, hundreds of people around her. She looked down at her phone and saw a text from Jensen: Let me know when you're here. I'll come inside.

Oh, right. Airports were like celebrity central. He'll step one foot in the door and crowds will form around him in a split second.

Quickly, Harper messaged him back: Don't worry about it. I'll be outside in a few minutes.

She put her phone in her back pocket and waited for the baggage claim to start moving. Closing her eyes, she faded into the music once more.

Harper started daydreaming of her life back in New York. Right now she'd be in Central Park, sitting on a bench and drawing the trees. The beautiful summer sun warming her and summer breeze blowing around her. Her mom would be sitting next to her reading her novel.

Well, if her mom was still here.

A loud buzzer startled Harper from her daydream. She looked up and saw a red light, indicating the baggage claim was moving. She stood at the beginning of the baggage claim, that way she'd see her bag immediately.

She looked down and saw her blue and purple tie dyed duffel bag coming through. After grabbing it, she made a B-line for the front door. She wasn't exactly a crowd type person, thanks to social anxiety, so she wanted to get out as soon as possible.

Harper pushed the revolving door forward until she was outside the airport. As soon as she stepped outside, her stomach dropped in realization.

What in the world does Jensen even drive? How am I going to find him?

Harper walked over to a bench and sat down. The Texas heat suddenly hit her and sweat covered her face. She took off her jean jacket, exposing her tank top, and tied it around her waste.

She sat back and closed her eyes, her nerves still present in her body. She tried to relax enough to have energy to look for Jensen, but the heat was not helping.

Was it always this hot? I don't remember feeling like I was melting while I was here.

Harper felt someone tap her knee and jumped. Her headphones fell down when she sat up. Harper's eyes flew open when she gasped, and she saw Jensen standing there.

"I'm so sorry, did I scare you? I didn't mean to. I've been calling your name, but you had headphones in and probably couldn't hear me," he said in a low voice, his hand still on her knee.

Harper couldn't move. This was the first interaction she's had with Jensen in years, and she couldn't move. She had her mouth open, but no words came out. Jensen made eye contact with her, but she moved her head to not look at him.

Jensen squatted down to be at eye level with Harper and smiled at her, "Wow, you haven't changed a bit huh? Still got those big brown eyes like your mom."

At the mention of her mother, Harper tensed up and tears formed in her eyes. She looked down to the ground, a tear falling down her face.

Jensen lifted her chin, which scared Harper, "I know how you feel, I miss her too. Your mother was an amazing woman. I hate that she left you so soon. I'm sorry, Harper."

Harper wiped her eyes and sighed, looking up at Jensen. She nodded her head as a thank you to him.

Jensen smiled at her, stood up, and grabbed Harper's bag from the ground, "Come on, my truck is over here."

Jensen began walking away with Harper's bag in hand. Harper stood up, grabbed her backpack, and jogged to catch up to him. She walked next to him, her head looking down at the ground.

They got to his truck and Jensen tossed her duffel into the bed of the truck. He walked over to the passenger door and opened it, "After you, madam."

Harper climbed inside putting her backpack on to the floorboard. Jensen shut the door and jogged around to the driver's side. He climbed inside as Harper was putting on her seat-belt. He put his on and started the truck.

Jensen put his hands on the wheel and took a deep breath, "Ready?" He looked over at Harper and a frown formed on his face.

Harper sighed and curled up towards the window, leaning her head on the window. She pulled up her headphones on her head, but didn't start the music. She just wanted the illusion that she couldn't hear anything.

Jensen sighed, put the car in drive and started forward.

-------------------------------

Masterlist

My Cherry Blossoms

@mlovesstories @chessurkait @adorable-minibot @desiredposion @idksupernatural @thevelvetseries @spnfamily-j2

107 notes · View notes

jiangwanyin · 3 years

Note

hii; 1, 5, 10, 14, 28, 30, 31 &32 :~]

vickyy hi there o gosh thank you<3

1. an album you can’t stop listening to lately

okay i must confess the music i've been listening to lately is all over the place and i'm not even going to pretend my current most listened to one isn't taemin's never gonna dance again act 1 but aside from that i've also had david bowie's let's dance on repeat a solid amount for months now—

5. name an album you feel is perfect

oh i think as basic as this is i'm just going to have to go with dark side of the moon or the wall

10. what was your first concert?

ryan mcgarvey! i think i sent you some of his songs a while back but um yeah he's not even on spotify and i doubt anyone knows him he's a rather unknown but veeery good contemporary american blues guitarist my dad found and i tagged along and i've seen him another two times since and he's still just as amazing 😌

14. is there any band/musician who you really strongly dislike? if so, why?

i don't think so? if i don't like a band/musician i tend to just avoid listening to them and as a result don't usually end up with any particularly strong feelings about them as far as i remember?

28. name a song (or a few songs) that would need to be included in a movie about your life

oo okay i think i'm going to go with multiple songs so here's a mini playlist i guess? starting off with the obligatory angie by the rolling stones of course 😌 anyways!! rocketman by elton john, rebel rebel by david bowie, moderation by florence + the machine, born on a different cloud by oasis, the greater good by sty and achilles come down by gang of youths oh!! and i'd love to change the world by ten years after i think?

30. name an album you really love that you haven’t listened to in awhile

oh maybe machine head by deep purple? but honestly i've been neglecting a lot of my old favs so i can think of quite a few :\\

31. name an album you’ve wanted to listen to for a long time, but you haven’t gotten around to it yet

huh i can't think of anything i'm like actively putting off listening to but i just went and looked at my song recs/to listen to playlist from 2019 which includes at least five wishbone ash albums i still haven't gotten round to despite argus being one of my absolute favourites ever and theoretically good enough to make me want to check out the rest of their discography but evidently it's not working so take your pick, i'm fairly certain the only other albums of theirs i have actually listened to are their self titled one and there's the rub and at this point who knows when i'll get round to doing anything about that?

32. what is a band/artist you really wanted to start listening to, but you just really couldn’t get into it?

the doors!!! i always feel like i should like them and i do enjoy a couple of songs but no matter how hard i try their music simply doesn't do it for me which i feel slightly guilty about 😳

send me music asks!

#asks #afklints

2 notes · View notes

wreckofawriter · 5 years

Text

The Girl Next Door And The Five Times She Stopped Time

Pairing: James Potter x muggle!reader

Word Count: 3,433

Warnings: Swearing?, None fluffy

Summary: James slowly begins to fall in love with the girl next door

A/n: Sorry I havent posted in a while, this isn't really edited so ignore my mistakes, anyway, hope you guys like it!

James Potter can remember when he first met her. Her y/h/c hair was cut into a bob that ended just above her shoulders. Her deep y/e/c eyes were shining in ways that would make stars envious. She was wearing a soft blue dress that fell just beneath her knees, feet bare.

She leapt out of the back seat of an old Subaru and stood in the dewy morning grass outside of your house. That was the first time he felt time stop

Your eyes seemed to trace over every inch of your new home in slow motion everything else around you fading into white. As James drunk in your appearance.

Time resumed when you set into a sprint and darted up the porch, steps two at a time running through the front door and out of the curious boys view.

James was 10 years old at the time, you 9 but he could still feel his heart race watching you from his own yard. At the time he was sure that it was because of cooties. You were making him get sweaty and his stomach feel funny simply because you had infected him with your contagious disease.

So when his parents had a welcoming dinner for their new neighbors, he completely avoided you, only going near you when absolutely necessary.

You hadn't seemed to notice or if you did you didn't let it bother you in the slightest, you simply shrugged it off and opened some muggle book called 'The Hobbit'.

It wasn't until your family was totally set up when James realized something. He could see directly into your new room.

You had repainted the walls a joyful blue and covered them with colorful posters from muggle cartoons and books. You had purple curtains but they were knotted on either side of the two windows that now faced the young boy.

So he couldn't help it as he watched your small frame move around the room organizing nick-nacks or sit on your bed and read.

Quickly he began to feel sick again and promptly closed his curtains decided that you could catch cooties by simply watching a girl too.

By the time he was 11 he no longer agnollaged cooties as a factual illness so when he met Lily Evan's and he felt his heart speed up and his palms get sweaty he realised that he simply liked her.

But still something sat in the back of the boys mind when he glanced out the window of his dormitory hoping that there would be two rectangles of warm yellow light leering back at him to reveal a little girl perched on her bed a book that was much to thick for her age sitting open in her hand as she smiled softly at the pages.

Everytime James came home the room he gazed into changed, the desk would be in a different spot, or maybe the bed. There would almost always be a new poster on the walls the cartoons slowly dispersing and getting replaced with posters of bands or pictures of friends and family. But the one thing that always seemed to change the most every year was the girl who sat on the bed and read her books. But no matter how much she changed he would always feel that sickening feeling in his gut when he looked at her and he could feel his palms grow sweaty as he thought of you.

You had just gotten back from a partially damaging party. Your best friend had decided to lock lips with the boy you had been crushing on since the sixth grade. You prided yourself on your ability to keep emotions at bay so when you finally reached the safety and security of your bedroom you let your tears flow freely. Unaware if the pair of dark eyes watching you from next door.

When James saw tears spring from your eyes he felt sadness and fury take him. The simple idea of you being upset made him so himself. And there you were sitting on your bed tears sliding slowly down your cheeks. And once again time stopped seeming to slow down before coming to a halt as he watched your tears leave slow shimmering tracks down your y/s/c checks.

James had wanted nothing more than to go to you, comfort you. But there were too many things that kept him from doing so. The fact that you hadn't spoken in four years being the main one. Also the fact that he had been borderline stalking you for the past few years would be revealed. So he couldn't go to you which made him utterly disappointed.

That is when James realize that something was up. He didn't just see you as the muggle girl who lived next door but he was confused. The image of Lily seemed to flash in his head but he still stared across at you wishing he could help. Because he felt something different with you. But what was it?

A year later James had finally figured it out.

You had been in a partially happy mood. Your parents were out of town for the night and your older brother was at his girlfriend's which meant you had the house all to yourself. So you did the one reasonable thing to do when your home alone. You stole your brothers speakers and blasted music so loud you could hear your eardrums thumping dully in your head.

Fifth year had been one of the more difficult for James, tests had gotten much more difficult, his best friend had gone through hell and back with his parents and his whole love life seemed to flip completely upside down.

Lily had grown more and more unimportant as the year went on. Like over the summer he had simply fallen out of love with her, which was half true but the whole truth was that he had fallen in love with you.

He couldn't keep you from his mind. He missed you even though he barely knew you, he found himself glance out his window every day in a slim hope that you had somehow temported to the Hogwarts grounds and was now reading some 1,000 page horror book in the grass below.

Yet somehow he had managed to convince himself that he was still in love with Lily. He contorted his mind building walls between memories, blocking certain ones off. All of it was completely exhausting.

So when he and Sirius ascended to his bedroom after getting home he wanted to do nothing but plop onto his bed and pass out and that was what he was doing until he heard Sirius emit a low whistle.

"What?" James groaned pulling himself from his bed to see his friend smirking deviously out his window.

"You never told me you lived next to that." Sirius gawked biting his lip.

James turned and felt his soul leave his body. Over the year you had, well matured.

You had gone from looking like a 13 year old to looking like a 16 year old.

You had grown at least 2 inches, your hair was now y/h/l and you had well, gotten much curvier.

In a sense puberty had hit you like a 16 wheeler and now you were wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt and a pair of lacy magenta underwear.

James mouth hit the floor as you pranced around your room using a hairbrush as a microphone. He could hear the dull thump of the bass from Rocketman coursing through your speakers. And once again time slowed to a stop as he watched as you flipped your y/h/c hair over your head in slow motion, leaping from your bed to in front of the mirror. Everything around you fade before suddenly snapping back to reality when Sirius let out a laugh.

You were singing the words, James only wished he could hear you. You pointed at the mirror and closed your eyes swing your hips as your lips split into a brilliantly wide grin

Sirius turned to James The poor boy's mouth hung agape his eyes the size of a snitch.

"Looks like you didn't know either." He chuckled.

"S-she looks s-so dif-different." The dark haired boy stuttered, his infatuation causing him to stumble over words.

"Clearly, she bloody hot." Sirius smirked watching you jump to your bed raising your hands above your head enjoying the view of the small lacy undergarment the action exposed.

"She's incredible." James breathed out dreamily snapping the other boys attention back to him.

"Woah, woah, woah. She's not the reason you suddenly lost interest in Lily is she?"

James flushed, his dark eyes flicking quickly to his friend before retreating back to your moving form. "No." He lied.

"Oh Merlin." Sirus groaned smacking his forehead, "Just when I thought you were going to stop acting like a love sick puppy here you are again in love with another girl you barely know."

"I'm not in love with her." James scoffed

"Sure. Sure." Sirius mumbled picking at his fingernails. "Quick question, what's her favourite color?"

"Y/f/c." James answered without hesitation.

"What about her favorite book?"

"Probably y/f/b." He paused for a second his eyes still trained on you, now dancing along to Bennie and the Jets. "Or y/sf/b."

"And her favourite band?" Sirius asked in an almost disappointed tone.

"Definitely Queen, although Led Zeppelin is probably a close second. Why are you asking me this?" James asked prying his eyes from you to land on his extremely exhausted looking friend.

Sirius just shot him a knowing glance both his eyebrows raised. Realization quickly dawned over James face.

"Oh no." He groaned, letting his head fall to his mattress. "I am in love with her."

"Bingo." Sirus spoke a pitying smile grazing his lips.

James just moaned sourly into his blanket. "I didn't even know I knew that shit."

"Let's go to bed man." Sirius sighed closing James curtains blocking you out.

As much as James wished to wipe you from his mind he couldn't help but feel disappointed as you disappeared from view.

For the rest of the summer Sirius made it his mission to reconnect you and James, as if you were ever really connected. Either way he made sure to make James as obvious as possible to you.

He introduced himself to you and made friends quickly. He was sure to have you come over as often as possible.

The first time this happened James damn near shit himself when you walked through the door wearing a bikini as he was getting ready for the trip he and Sirius had planned.

"Hey James" you smiled meekly, waving a bit.

"H-hey." He smiled back before shooting Sirius a glare.

"Y/n is going to come swimming with us remember I told you about it last night." Sirius smirked winking slyly.

"O-oh yeah of course."

Many other awkward interactions were induced by Sirius, including both of you getting locked "accidentally" into a closet together, you falling asleep on James shoulder, James and you falling on top of eachother and Sirius' personal favorite of yelling at the top of his lungs while James was changing and your window was open, causing you to look over and see James with nothing but boxers on red faced and angry as Sirius scrambled out of the room. (You would be lying if you didn't enjoy that one little bit.)

But just as Sirius was sure he was going to be the next matchmaker the two older boys had to leave, much to both of their dismay.

The whole year James could do nothing to keep you from his mind. The way you smiled stuck in his brain like glue, your laugh cemented to his skull. You were all he could think of so when he came back for summer after his sixth year he had never been more ecstatic.

James dashed up his stairs hoping that he might catch just a glimpse of you through his window.

And he did. He saw you laying on your bed, a laugh escaping a wide smile that was carved into your face. Your eyes were shining brightly, your y/h/c hair splayed across you pillow.

This broke James. It made him fall to pieces, heart filling with grief. Because the laugh wasn't because of him, the smile wasn't for him and the shine in your eyes wasn't directed at him.

He watched in agony as the red headed boy who leaned over you connected his lips to yours gracefully. The moment he wished more than anything could seemed to slow as if the universe was mocking him, showing him a nightmare that seemed to never end. Time had once again stopped as you wrapped your delicate hands around the boys neck and pulled him closer to you. He watched in pain as the girl he loved kissed another man.

Sirius had come up the stairs now and instantly saw the scene taking place behind the opposite window. He cursed under his breath quickly closing the curtains and turning to face his heart broken best friend.

James looked defeated, his mouth slightly agape, his eyes downcast and filled with sorrow. He blinked a few times before turning around and walking straight out of the room.

"Shit." Sirius mumbled knowing this wasn't going to end well, "James!" He called running down the stairs to find him reaching for the door handle. "What are you doing?" The long haired boy questioned.

"I have to stop her." James said turning to his best friend, a new look of determination etched onto his strong features.

"For doing what?" Sirius pointed out angrily.

"From kissing some freckled bastard that's what!" James shouted anger filling his dark eyes.

"You can't!" Sirius shot back harshly.

"Why in bloody hell not?!" James yelled taking two steps towards his friend but Sirius stood his ground.

"BECAUSE SHES NOT YOURS!" Sirius bellowed angry at his friend for being so blinded by love.

James eyes flickered with doubt before his entire face collapsed with it. Determination flipping to guilt then to misery as he realized what was really happening.

"I'm sorry man, you can't stop her from doing anything." Sirius sighed disappointment readable in his own voice.

Summer was suddenly a bleak occasion for James. Now that y/n had a boyfriend he had to become more and more accustomed to the presence of the "freaked bastard" who he soon found out was Austin Bostian. Austin was a muggle that went to the same school as y/n. Not that James cared. All he cared about was the fact that Austin got to kiss y/n and hold her and touch her.

James and y/n drifted away from each other slowly and painful over the vacation and to James it felt like his heart was slowly being torn in two. But seeing Austin with her made him dizzy and upset, he just couldn't bear being around her.

So when school finally rolled back around he felt a sense of relief filled him. Of course the image of you still burned bright in his memory he just did his best to bury it deep within the pictures of you and Austin locking lips or holding hands. It almost made it easier.

The school year was a strange one for James. He forced himself onto Lily more than ever, when truth was he didn't even want to go anywhere with her. Sirius of course knew he was really simply distracting himself, but he couldn't help but feel bad for Lily who actually seemed more into it than before.

Sirius' suspicions were confirmed when Lily finally answered yes to James catching everyone by surprise, especially the quidditch star.

James had then fled the scene only to return a few moments later and attempt to explain himself. Which of course failed miserably and a shit storm hit him in a wave. Most of the Gryffindor girls wouldn't even look at him anymore, claiming he was a monster who shouldn't lead on someone like that. Which of course he did. James had felt like shit and just wanted to go home the entire time. But the idea of seeing you and Austin again crushed the poor boy. So he played quidditch and a lot of it.

When he graduated it was bitter sweet. He wasn't sure what he was feeling anymore but he knew that he wanted to see you at least one last time. He needed to confess.

Now as he stood in front of your door he felt the familiar feeling of nervousness and embarrassment flush over him. He ignored the fluttering in his stomach and squeezed his eyes shut briefly before knocking twice on the door.

He heard the patter of feet followed by a muffled "I'm coming" before the door swung open to reveal you. Your hair was stuck up into a terribly messy bun, strands of hair hanging in front of your face. You had on a pair of athletic shorts and a Atari crop top that you had clearly cut yourself.

"Hey James." You smiled up at him either not noticing or caring that his cheeks were flaming red.

"Uh hey y/n." He answered suddenly realizing he had zero plan whatsoever. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Of course." You answered inviting him inside. You ead him upstairs to your room. Once inside Jmaes realized that after all these years if staring into your room he had never been inside it. It was decently clean a few items of clothing scattered across the ground here and there.

"Sorry for the mess." You muttered plopping onto your bed. "So what's up?"

James felt his throat close up. His hands suddenly felt extensively sweaty and he thought he might throw up.

"Well umm.." he took in a deep breath closing his eyes before snapping them open to meet your curious y/e/c ones. "I'm in love with you."

The room fell deathly silent, the faint hum of cicadas drumming outside.

Your eyes went wide mouth falling slightly open. "Y-you love me?" Your voice uncharacteristically high.

"Yeah." James mumbled quietly, "And I know that your with Austin and everything but I just, I can't leave without telling you."

You let out a small giggle, which in other circumstances would have made his heart soar but now he felt it sink into the floor. You were laughing at him.

"I'm not with Austin dumbass." You scoffed rolling your eyes.

That was much better than what James was expecting, "R-really?" He asked tripping over this words.

"Yeah. I broke up with him like a week after you left for school." You rolled your eyes playfully.

"Oh." James voice hopefully, "That's good." His eyes widened, "Not like good that you had to break up with him, just you know good that I didn't-"

You cut off his ramblings by grabbing his shirt and pulling him onto you. You smashed your lips onto his tasting mint. James quickly melted into the kiss placing his arms on either side of you to keep from toppling onto you as you grabbed his neck and forced your tongue into his mouth.

And for the fifth time in his life he felt time stop. Your soft yet rough touch making everything but you disappear. He could only feel you pressed hot against his skin, lips moving slowly against his own.

The spell you put him under broke when you pulled away gasping for air. "You're an idiot you know." You smiled, hands playing with his dark locks.

James shot you a confused look.

"I've been in love with you since you ignored me at the welcoming dinner your family threw." You explained. Causing the boys eyes to widen.

"Really?" He asked in disbelief.

You scoffed. "You are terribly blind. And you suck at flirting, I thought you hated me."

"What?" James asked confused.

"Well, I mean you ignored me and always got all weird around me. I thought you hated me."

"Oh." James cringed, suddenly realizing how his strange actions must have looked from your prospective.

You giggled, a heavenly sound before pulling the boy back down to meet your lips.

From across the street Sirius smiled widely watching his best friend.

"That girl seriously needs to close her curtains." He muttered still grinning as he turned away from the new couple.

@accio-rogers

Masterlist

3K notes · View notes

calumcest · 4 years

Text

you and i were fireworks that went off too soon - chapter six

[ao3]

we all know the drill i did an exam and wrote 6k on 2 hours sleep. yes i am slowly going insane

i just wanna do a quick shoutout to three very important people that have seen me through tonight: @ashesonthefloor who listened to me scream and helped me and read part of it to reassure me it actually made sense, taron egerton for singing so beautifully on the rocketman soundtrack, and richard madden for being the most beauitufl human being to grace the planet and also for having a scottish accent

Luke turns up at Calum’s apartment at eleven a.m. on Christmas Day, Clifford and a pile of presents in tow. He can barely get his finger onto the doorbell, shifting the jumper he’d got Calum to his other arm to free up a hand and dropping the cologne he’d bought Michael onto the floor in the process. He swears as it hits the ground with a bang, and leans down, forgetting the other presents he’s carefully balanced in his arms which immediately go tumbling down too.

“Oh, fuck’s sake,” Luke mutters, and drops to his knees, gathering all the parcels in his arms as Clifford watches with mild interest. He’s just picking up the cologne when the door opens, and he looks up to be met with Calum’s amused expression.

“You know,” Calum says conversationally, “most people just use the doorbell.”

“Fuck you,” Luke scowls, getting to his feet and almost dropping the cologne again. Clifford’s tugging on his lead, panting and wagging his tail, putting on a show for Calum, and it’s not helping the whole precariously-balanced-presents situation. “Can I come in?” Calum grins, and steps aside, gesturing grandly for Luke to enter his little apartment. Luke considers flipping him off as he passes, but a warning wobble from the gift card balanced on top of the jumper makes him change his mind, and he just heads straight for the living room and dumps the presents down on the sofa before they can fall to the floor again.

“Merry Christmas to you too,” Michael says from a chair at the table, eyeing first the badly-wrapped gifts and then Luke. Luke sighs, kicking his shoes off and throwing them in the general direction of the hallway, and unclips Clifford from his lead. Clifford immediately goes bounding off in search of Duke, and Luke hears a faint oh, c’mon, Cliff, he’s sleeping, don’t disturb the old man from Calum in the hallway that Calum knows full well Clifford’s going to ignore.

“Would it kill you to take the two steps back to the hallway to put your fucking shoes away?” Calum says, appearing in the door to the living room with one of Luke’s shoes in his hand. Luke shrugs, haphazardly shoving the presents under the little tree Calum’s set up in the corner.

“Maybe,” he says, and Calum shakes his head, but puts Luke’s shoes away for him before heading into the living room and throwing himself down on the sofa next to Luke and flashing them both a bright grin.

“Merry Christmas,” he says, and he sounds far too happy for someone who’s sitting in an apartment without aircon in thirty-five degree heat. Michael rolls his eyes, but there’s a small smile playing at his lips, and Calum spots it, holding his arms open and making grabby hands for Michael to come and sit on his lap.

“Absolutely not,” Michael says, pointing at Calum. “It’s way too fucking hot for that.” Calum pouts a little, but lets his arms drop to his side again.

“Should we do presents now, or after lunch?” Luke asks.

“Now,” Michael says, eyes back on the gifts Luke had brought with him, because he’s an impatient bastard. Calum rolls his eyes as he gets to his feet, shooting Luke a look.

“Why’d you even bother asking?” he says, a touch exasperated, and Luke grins.

“Do mine first,” Michael demands.

“Which ones are yours?” Calum asks.

“Are you kidding me?” Luke says, a little offended that Calum can’t tell the difference between his and Michael’s wrapping. Luke might be bad, but he’s not that bad. “The ones wrapped in duct tape.” Calum reaches for a squishy-looking one, looks at it for a moment and then tosses it at Luke, who catches it deftly.

“You got scissors?” he asks, and Calum throws Michael a beseeching look. Michael sighs heavily, like getting scissors for the duct tape he’d chosen to wrap his presents with is a huge ordeal, but gets to his feet and disappears into the kitchen. He reappears a few moments later with a meat cleaver, and Luke stares at Calum in disbelief.

“Why the fuck do you own a meat cleaver?” he asks, and Calum shrugs.

“To cleave meat,” he says, reaching for the knife from Michael and holding it out for Luke.

“Are you insane?” Luke says, not sure whether he’s directing the question at Michael or Calum. “How the fuck am I going to open a present with a meat cleaver?” Michael shrugs, throwing himself back in his chair.

“Not my problem,” he says. “I don’t have to open any presents wrapped with duct tape.” Luke scowls but reaches hesitantly for the meat cleaver, casting a doubtful glance down at the gift in his lap.

“Try sliding it in sideways,” Calum suggests helpfully.

“Or lift the wrapping paper up and cut into it,” Michael offers.

“You guys are fucking stupid,” Luke tells them, placing the cleaver on its side and carefully applying a little pressure to create a small tear, then setting the knife aside and using his hands to rip the rest of the wrapping paper off.

“Or do it like that,” Michael mutters, like Luke’s just ruined his fun somehow. Luke sends him a brief look of disapproval, shaking out the present Michael’s bought him.

It’s a fluffy blanket with Clifford’s little face about a hundred times the size of life printed on it, gazing happily up at Luke, tongue out. It’s the dumbest thing Michael’s ever bought Luke, and Luke fucking loves it.

“I love it,” he tells Michael, grinning as he flips the blanket the other way around to inspect the back.

“‘Course you do,” Michael says, but he’s smiling too.

“I’ll take it with me on the flight,” Luke says thoughtlessly, carefully folding the blanket back up. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Calum and Michael exchange an alarmed look, and realises with a sickening lurch of his stomach that shit, he hasn’t actually told them he’d agreed to go to London yet. He’d wanted to save it until after Christmas, not wanting to taint their first Christmas together with the inevitable argument that’ll come with both Michael and Luke stubbornly standing their ground and Calum trying to please both of them.

“You’re going, then?” Michael asks bluntly, and Calum sighs, clearly having hoped for something a little more diplomatic. Luke swallows.

“Yeah,” he says.

“Okay,” Calum says, before Michael has a chance to jump in and say whatever thoughts are putting that dark expression on his face.

“Look,” Luke begins, stomach churning uncomfortably, but Calum cuts him off.

“No,” he says firmly, and Luke’s not sure whether it’s directed at him or Michael. “We might not agree with your decision, but we’re going to support you. Aren’t we, Michael?” He punctuates it with a glare in Michael’s direction, and Michael holds his gaze for a moment, eyes furious, before he nods tightly. Calum, apparently satisfied with that response, turns back to Luke.

“So, when do you go?” he asks, and Luke shrugs.

“I don’t know,” he says, because he’d kind of just thought Ashton would email Mr Johnson back and say they were both participating. “I’m assuming Ashton’ll tell me.”

“Have you spoken to Phil about it?”

“Not yet,” Luke says, because it’s the Christmas holidays, and he’s not even thought about how to phrase it. Can I work remotely for four weeks while I participate in a soulmate study in the UK because my soulmate’s my ex and my tattoo keeps growing and I need to find a way to stop it sounds a little desperate.

“Have you told your parents?” Michael asks knowingly, and a lick of embarrassment at how badly Luke’s thought this all up flares up in him, quickly turning to annoyance.

“Jesus, what’s with the fucking Inquisition?” he asks, a little irritably. Calum holds his hands up in defence.

“We’re just wondering,” he says.

“Well, don’t,” Luke says moodily, shoving the blanket down on the sofa next to him with a little more force than strictly necessary. Michael rolls his eyes.

“No need to bite our fucking heads off,” he says, and Luke sighs, closing his eyes briefly. This is exactly what he’d wanted to avoid; he’d wanted his first Christmas with Michael and Calum to be a good one, to not cast a shadow on Calum and Michael’s first Christmas together. That thought leaves a bitter taste in his mouth that Luke tries hard not to identify as guilt, and he swallows it and his pride down.

“Look, I’m sorry,” Luke says. “I- I was going to tell you. After. I didn’t want-” he cuts himself off, gesturing at nothing, and hoping Michael and Calum get it.

“Didn’t want this to happen?” Michael says wryly, and Calum huffs out a laugh. Luke has to smile at that too, looking down at the floor a little sheepishly.

“Yeah,” he says. “I want this Christmas to be a good one for you.” He hopes they get what he means with that too, that he won’t have to say the words I don’t want to ruin your first Christmas like I’ve ruined so many other parts of the beginning of your relationship, because he doesn’t know whether they’ll actually make it across his lips.

“Oh, Luke,” Calum says softly, eyes wide and kind. “Of course it’ll be a good one. We’re spending it with you.”

“Plus, what’s Christmas without a family argument?” Michael points out, and Calum and Luke both laugh, and Luke feels the guilt swirl in his stomach with the pure fucking love he has for Michael and Calum.

“You think that’s going to be the argument of the day?” Calum says, eyes glinting as he grins at Michael. “Wait ‘til Luke opens the present we got him.” Michael’s grin immediately turns wicked, and he casts a look of delight in Luke’s direction, which Luke does not trust one bit.

“Yeah, you’re right,” he says, eyes locked with Luke, who frowns.

“What did you arseholes get me?” he asks, and both of them just laugh, a touch hysterical. “What the fuck did you get?” he demands again, fighting back a grin as he watches Michael and Calum laugh and the love in his stomach shoots into his veins, warming up every fibre of his being.

-------

(“You signed me up to receive daily BDSM tips?” Luke asks in horror, staring at the piece of paper he’s just pulled out of the envelope. “That I can’t cancel?” Michael and Calum are falling about themselves laughing, can’t get more than two fucking words out before dissolving into giggles again.

“You know what the best part of it is?” Calum gasps, wiping at his eyes.

“We signed Ashton up too,” Michael splutters.)

-------

When Luke goes back to work a week and a half later, he’s got a whole speech prepared for Phil. He rehearses it on the train on the way to work, double- and triple-checking the email Ashton had forwarded him on Thursday to make sure he’s got his dates right, whispering it under his breath and getting strange looks from the guy sitting opposite him, but it’s all in vain.

“A soulmate study?” Phil says, a calculating look in his eyes, like he knows something that Luke doesn’t know he knows.

“Yes,” Luke says, mentally skipping to the next part of his speech. “It’d be for four weeks, but I’d be able to work remotely, and-”

“Yes,” Phil says.

“-I could probably come back early if I were neede- huh?” Luke cuts himself off mid-recital, when his mind finally catches up with his ears. “Sorry?”

“Give me the dates and I’ll approve it,” Phil says, eyes already back on the notepad in front of him.

“Oh,” Luke says, a little nonplussed. “Okay. Thank you.” He stands there for a moment, staring at the top of Phil’s head, bewildered, until Phil looks up again.

“Was there something else?” he says pointedly, and Luke shakes his head, makes his excuses, and leaves. Strange, he thinks, but Calum doesn’t seem to think anything of it when Luke relays the story to him ten minutes later.

The researchers want to start as soon as possible (‘ideally the fifteenth’, the email says, because they can somehow fast-track their visas), and Luke, Calum and Michael spend an age researching the cheapest flights from Sydney to London before Luke pulls up the original email stating that all expenses would be reimbursed by the university sponsoring the study and books himself a flight that stops over in Singapore for just under an hour, wanting to get the twenty-two hour long trip over as fast as possible.

His mum gives him a knowing smile when he rings her and explains the situation, explains that he’ll be gone for four weeks, and it makes something like the teenage annoyance Luke had felt whenever she’d catch him staring at a boy burn hot in his stomach. He snaps at her that it’s only because he wants to get rid of the tattoo, and then immediately feels guilty when the smile slides off her face. He sighs, and tells her he’s sorry, and she smiles sadly and says she knows, and Luke knows the sad smile isn’t because he snapped at her and has to swallow back the annoyance rising like bile in his throat again. He fucking hates that everyone thinks they know how he feels about Ashton better than he does.

Calum and Michael tell him repeatedly they think it’s a bad idea as they help him pack, but Calum secretly gets Clifford the required shots and certification from the vet to allow him to travel to the UK, and Michael pays Luke’s next month of bills for him. Luke tries not to think about it too much, because even though it’s only four weeks, it’s the longest they’ve ever been apart, and Luke catches both of them choking on their words and turning away quickly when the conversation centres on the length of time Luke’s going to be away for too long. Instead, they bitch and bicker about what clothes Luke should pack, whether or not Michael can be bothered to check in on Luke’s houseplants every few days, whether Luke should take a guitar with him, and if packing books is really necessary. It’s the only way the three of them can cope with the sense of loss that’s blooming in all of them, blossoming in their lungs and choking them from the inside out.

He tells Ashton he’ll be there on the fourteenth, and just gets an Okay in response. They don’t speak apart from that, and Luke’s too preoccupied with packing and sorting his affairs at home to spare any thoughts for Ashton.

His parents drop by with a few leaving gifts, and for his mum to fuss over how badly he’s packed and re-pack everything at least twice, and for his dad to pat him on the back and try to have a serious talk about feelings and Ashton that Luke really, really isn’t ready to have. He’s saved by Jack and Ben appearing, handing him a bottle of champagne that he’s not sure he can take into the UK anyway, loudly making bets about whether or not Luke’s going to get laid in London in order to take their mum’s attention away from Luke, scolding the two of them for being so lewd, so Luke gets a moment to breathe. They stay for dinner, and it’s the first time the five of them have been together in months, and Luke loves it, loves the way they all fuss over him in their own ways, feels a pang of love and gratefulness in his heart that he’s got a family like this.

On the thirteenth, Michael drives Luke to the airport. Calum spends the entire car journey twisted around in the passenger seat, telling Luke all the work he’s shafted onto Chris and Tom so Luke’ll have less to do when he’s in England, reminding him for the seven millionth time that because of the time difference, the deadlines that Luke gets sent will actually be a day earlier for him, and Luke rolls his eyes to avoid the anxiety growing in his stomach with every mile they get close to the airport and tells Calum yes, he knows, he’s worked remotely before, it’s not going to be any different because he’s in London.

The three of them manage to hold it together until Luke’s checked his bags and Clifford in, Calum kissing Clifford a tearful goodbye, Michael instructing Luke far too seriously to bring his son back in one piece. It’s when Luke’s got to head to security that they all break down in tears.

“I’m going to miss you so much,” Luke sobs, arms around both of them, not even caring that they’re getting strange looks from everyone around him. It’s suddenly hitting him, the enormity of what he’s going - four weeks, thousands and thousands of miles and hours and hours of timezones away from his entire support system, with nobody he knows except the man he’d hoped never to see again in his life.

“I’m going to miss you more,” Calum says, wiping his eyes on his sleeve.

“I’m going to miss you most,” Michael says, voice wobbly in a way that Luke hasn’t heard since the time in Year Ten he’d thought Calum was dating Stephanie Newham.

“We’ll call you every day,” Calum promises. “We’ll figure out the timezones.”

“Don’t forget about me,” Luke says, aiming for light-hearted, but his voice wavers and he’s all choked up, and Michael and Calum both tighten their grip on him.

“Never,” Michael says fiercely.

“You’re our best friend, Luke,” Calum says, equally fierce. “You’re part of us.” Luke just chokes back another sob at that, pulls them in tighter, and kisses both of them on the cheek.

“I love you,” he says, head starting to throb from crying already.

“I love you too,” both Calum and Michael echo.

When they finally disentangle themselves, all wet sleeves and blotchy faces, Luke feels anxious and sick, and Calum presses one final kiss to Luke’s forehead, and Michael one to his temple.

“Go,” Calum says, giving him a watery smile.

“I love you,” Luke says again, a little desperately.

“We love you,” Michael says earnestly, scrubbing at his eyes. “Now get on that flight.” Luke nods, and slings his carry-on bag over his shoulder.

“Text us as soon as you land,” Calum calls, as Luke takes his first steps towards security. He thinks he kind of understands what Neil Armstrong must have felt taking his first steps on the moon now.

“I will,” Luke promises.

“And remember to call Ashton a bastard from me,” Michael shouts, and Luke grins, trying to stop the stinging feeling in his nose and the lump in his throat telling him he’s going to cry again.

“I will,” Luke says again, pulling his boarding pass out to scan in the barrier. The barrier slides open, and Luke hesitates, throwing one last glance at his two best friends, his anchors, his everything.

He steps through the barrier, and Calum and Michael both grin at him, fresh tears streaming down both of their faces, and it’s all Luke can do to turn away from them and step into the queue for security.

-------

Luke’s flight starts boarding at half-past five, and he’s one of the first groups called after business class have finished boarding, meaning he’s one of the first on the plane. The plane’s set up in rows of three, and Luke’s got the middle seat on the right hand side, so he shuffles in, takes the things he wants for the flight out of his bag and shoves it inelegantly in the overhead locker. He doesn’t bother putting his seatbelt on, since he assumes someone’s going to have the window seat, just texts Michael and Calum that he’s on the first flight and switches to scrolling through Twitter as the plane slowly fills up.

A friendly looking lady smiles at him as she sits down to his left, busying herself with getting her things out of her bag and arranging her pillow, and Luke returns her smile politely. The flight’s getting fuller and fuller, and Luke thinks for a brief few minutes that maybe, just maybe, he can snag the window seat for himself, before the lady’s getting up to let someone in and Luke automatically does the same, only to be confronted with-

“Ashton?”

“Luke?”

“You-”

“I didn’t know-”

“What the hell are you doing here?” Luke’s confusion burns into anger, but he steps out of the row to let Ashton in, not wanting to cause a scene in front of the woman, who’s looking a little bemused. Ashton shuffles past them, too close in the confines of the plane, and the scent of pine and oak and spice hits Luke as Ashton pushes past, making him feel dizzy and giddy and so fucking angry.

“What the fuck?” Luke hisses, when Ashton’s flopped down in the window seat and Luke’s back in his seat. Ashton just gives him a tired look.

“Why the fuck are you surprised, Luke?” he says, a little wearily. “We’re heading to the same place on the same day. There are only so many flights.” Luke knows he’s right, hates that he’s right, and doesn’t want to be wrong.

“Yeah, but why are you here?” he demands, gesturing at the seat. Ashton’s far too close for comfort, arm on the armrest he’s going to be sharing with Luke for the next eight hours, and the scent of pine and oak and spice is still clouding Luke’s mind.

“Jesus, Luke, I’m not stalking you,” Ashton says, like he knows what Luke’s thinking, rolling his eyes. “This is just my assigned seat.”

“Right,” Luke says sarcastically, folding his arms. “So this is just a massive coincidence.” Ashton gives him a look.

“I don’t think anything since getting the tattoos has been a coincidence,” he says, a little too knowingly. Luke hates it.

“Well, at least we’re going to find a way to stop it,” he bites out, and then turns away from Ashton pointedly. Ashton sighs, but doesn’t answer, instead fumbling with a book he’s got out of his bag as the safety briefing begins.

-------

Luke doesn’t even realise he fell asleep after dinner until the slow drone of the pilot’s voice rouses him gently. He lets the sound wash over him, not opening his eyes in case he wakes up too much and can’t fall back asleep, instead nuzzling further into the warm, firm pillow on his right.

And, fuck, aeroplane pillows are never firm.

Luke jolts upright, eyes flying open so fast he thinks he might have burst a capillary or something, ear and cheek hot from where they’ve been resting on Ashton’s shoulder.

On Ashton’s shoulder.

Ashton, thank the fucking Lord, also seems to be asleep, head resting on his hand, and Luke turns away before he can think about how peaceful Ashton looks, face tranquil and relaxed in sleep. His heart is beating wildly - shit, did he fall asleep on Ashton before Ashton had fallen asleep? Does Ashton know? Why does he feel so fucking well-rested for two hours’ sleep on a plane? - and he focuses to the dull thrum of the engines to try and calm his breathing down. Ashton stirs to his right, making him jump a foot in the air, but he doesn’t open his eyes, and his breathing remains even.

Luke stares steadfastly and unblinkingly ahead of him, balling his fists, and doesn’t sleep for the rest of the flight.

-------

Everybody stumbles off the flight in Singapore sleepily, and Luke and Ashton follow the signs for connections in silence. The bright lights of Changi airport make his head and eyes hurt, and Luke feels like he’s in a dream, in a deserted airport at what would be three in the morning back home with Ashton fucking Irwin, heading to London on his own for four weeks. It makes him feel delirious somehow, like this whole thing is a fever dream.

Luke and Ashton aren’t sat together on the second leg of the flight, for which Luke thanks whatever deities he can think of in his semi-conscious state. This flight is much quieter, much smaller, people dotted around the rows of three rather than clogging them all up. Ashton’s two rows in front of Luke, which is still too close for comfort, but it’s far enough away that Luke can give into his exhaustion and fall asleep against the window, cold and hard and cricking his neck. He sleeps uneasily, drifting in and out of consciousness with every chime of the seatbelt lights, every slam of the toilet door, every update from the cockpit. By the time that the flight attendant wakes him up for breakfast six hours later, Luke feels like he’s slept about twenty minutes in total.

He eats his breakfast, reads some reports he’d downloaded on his laptop to work on, makes notes on them, eats the next meal they offer, tries to sleep a little more because the darkness just doesn’t seem to be fucking lifting even though he’s been on this flight for nearly ten hours, tries to read some more of the reports but his eyes feel gritty and dry, and eventually settles into listening to some music with his eyes shut. He gets through three whole albums when he realises that light is stealing over his eyes, and cracks them open to see the sun rising over the horizon.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we are starting our descent into London Heathrow,” the pilot announces, and Luke thinks thank fuck, cracks his neck, and starts packing his things together. He takes one last trip to the toilet, because he has no idea how long it is from Heathrow to wherever the university is putting them up, and then watches the plane get lower and lower, disappearing into the clouds and reappearing in the dull grey sky over London.

London’s a huge, sprawling mess of buildings, a thick band of blue winding its way through the concrete and brick and glass, and it looks so foreign and so little like home that it makes Luke feel a little sick. He tries to pick out individual buildings he’s seen in photos, but they’re moving too fast and there are too many buildings that look the same. Luke’s so preoccupied with trying to find Buckingham Palace that he barely even realises how close they’re getting until he sees the runway looming underneath them, and braces himself as the wheels hit the ground.

The pilot’s making some kind of announcement as they taxi to the bay but nobody cares, everybody eager to get off the plane they’ve spent the past thirteen fucking hours on, a flurry of movement beginning before the plane has even slowed to a full stop. Luke’s among them, jumping up before the seatbelt sign switches off to grab his bag out of the overhead locker and stuff the things he’d taken out for the flight back in. He stretches, cracking his back with a yawn, and looks to his left to see Ashton staring directly at him. Ashton looks away immediately, something unreadable in his expression, and Luke suddenly feels exposed, vulnerable, for letting Ashton see him with his guard down.

They file off the plane and into the cold winter air, Luke about four people down from Ashton, and queue at passport control. More and more flights start to pile in behind them, and Luke stares at the EU arrivals swanning through the electronic passport gates enviously as his queue shuffles forward a centimetre at a time.

Finally, though, he’s through passport control, heading for baggage reclaim, so focused on trying to remember that his bags are coming through on conveyor belt seven that he doesn’t even notice Ashton lingering on the other side of passport control.

“Hey,” he says, falling into step with Luke and catching him totally off-guard, and Luke stares at him in surprise.

“What?”

“Are you taking the tube?” Luke frowns. He’d intended to, but that was before getting on a twenty-two hour flight across God knows how many timezones.

“I was going to,” he says.

“Want to split a cab?” Luke hesitates. On the one hand, he’s not really sure whether he wants to share a cab with Ashton, stuck in close quarters for who knows how long of a drive. On the other hand, yes, he would very much like to get in a cab and just arrive at his destination without having to drag his suitcases everywhere with him, and he’s going to spend the next four weeks stuck with Ashton anyway, so he might as well get used to it.

“Fine,” he says, sighing, and Ashton actually smiles, like he hadn’t been expecting Luke to agree to it. Luke feels a weird flicker of something he can’t quite identify in his gut, but attributes it to his absolute exhaustion, quickening his pace to take his mind off it.

Their luggage is already on the conveyor belt by the time they get there, and Ashton hauls Luke’s suitcases off the conveyor belt for him, much to his annoyance.

“I have hands, you know,” he tells Ashton, who flashes him a grin.

“You won’t lift anything heavier than a fucking feather, Luke,” he says, and Luke scowls, because it’s true, and he hates that Ashton knows that about him.

“Yeah, well,” he says moodily. “First time for everything.” Ashton huffs out a laugh at that, tired eyes twinkling with something like amusement, and he heads off towards the Nothing To Declare gate. Luke has to take a detour to pick up Clifford, which takes a ridiculously long time because they need to check both his and Clifford’s documentation, and then want to scan his microchip like, four times, but eventually he’s released, yapping at Luke from inside his travel cage, and Luke heads out in the direction Ashton had taken to find him leaning against the wall, waiting for him. It sends a jolt of something unpleasant shooting through his veins, gives him awful déjà-vu of times he’d gone to visit Ashton wherever he’d been recording and Ashton had waited for him in much the same way, but he’s too tired to feel anything more than the ghost of an emotion, so he forces it away and heads for the taxis.

The taxi rank is absolutely full when they get there, and Ashton points to the polite queue that’s formed - how fucking British, Luke thinks, stationing himself behind the guy in a sharp-looking suit that’s barking angry instructions about filing the tax returns right now down his phone. Ashton throws the guy a look, then Luke, rolling his eyes, and Luke has to stifle a smile and then the strange revulsion that rises in his throat at sharing an unspoken moment like that with Ashton.

Luckily, his mind is taken off it by them moving up the queue to the next cab. The driver gets out, opens the boot for them to put their bags in, asks them where they want to go. Ashton reels off an address as he’s hauling his bags in, postcode and all, and the cab driver gives him a funny look but nods, getting back in the driver’s seat.

Luke and Ashton clamber into the back of the taxi, which looks a lot more spacious from the outside than it is on the inside, and sit on either side, Luke placing Clifford in the middle, fastening their seatbelts and both ignoring the tense, awkward silence. There’s a light on the door that indicates that the driver can hear their conversation, anyway, and Luke doesn’t particularly want to air his and Ashton’s dirty laundry in front of a stranger, so the silence suits him just fine.

He watches the barren fields pass by, eyes heavy, and yet knowing he won’t be able to sleep if he tries. He steadfastly doesn’t think about what Ashton’s doing, sat only a metre away from him, and the fact that he’s now stuck in this cold, drab, foreign country with nobody but Ashton.

“Hey,” Ashton says quietly after a while, so quietly that Luke has to look over to see whether or not he imagined it. Ashton’s looking at him, a slightly apprehensive look on his face.

“What?”

“Did you sleep? On the flight?” Luke swallows.

“Not much,” he says.

“I did on the first flight,” Ashton says, and he’s saying it pointedly, like Luke’s supposed to understand some greater meaning behind it.

“Okay?” Luke says, nonplussed.

“I mean,” Ashton says, and now he sounds a little nervous. “I slept better. With you.” Luke blinks at him.

“Oh,” is all his exhausted mind can produce for him, not giving him the capacity to lie.

“Would you…” Ashton trails off, and bites his lip.

“Would I what?”

“Sleep with me?” Luke chokes on his next breath, and Ashton’s eyes widen, and he starts to trip over himself in his haste to correct himself. “I mean, like, purely innocent, like literally sleeping, I don’t mean f-” Luke holds his hand up to stop him, because he does not want to hear another word of that thought.

“How?” he asks instead, because he’s so fucking tired that a twenty minute power nap with Ashton is actually sounding vaguely not like the worst thing in the world. Ashton shrugs, a little tentatively.

“Lean on me?” he suggests.

“What, on your shoulder?”

“That’s what you did last time.” Luke swallows. Great. Fuck. Ashton had been awake, then.

“Oh,” he says, and then, before he can stop himself, his fatigued mind adds: “Okay.”

“Okay?” Ashton says, surprised. Luke shrugs uncomfortably.

“I’m fucking exhausted,” he says. “And, y’know. It’s just resting my head on your shoulder. Not exactly a declaration that I want you back in my life.” He adds on the last sentence a little meanly, and watches something flash across Ashton’s face briefly before he schools his features back into neutrality and nods. Luke hesitates for a moment, and then unclips his seatbelt, picks Clifford up and shuffles into the middle seat, busying himself with setting Clifford down and clipping the seatbelt on so he won’t have to face Ashton and the slightly musky pine-oak-spice smell that’s hitting him like a fucking brick. Eventually, though, he has nowhere else to turn, and he pauses a moment longer before slowly bringing his head down to rest on Ashton’s shoulder.

Almost as soon as he’s done it, he feels his eyelids start to droop, comfortable tiredness padding every half-thought in his mind, easy sleepiness slowing the thudding of his heart. He barely has time to form another coherent thought before he’s being tapped awake, turning annoyed and bleary-eyed to face whoever has woken him.

“‘Scuse me?” It’s the cab driver, and Luke stirs, wondering whether resting your head on someone’s shoulder is, like, against cab rules, or something. Did the guy really pull over just to tell them off?

“Huh?” Luke manages, peeling himself away from Ashton and blinking properly. It’s brighter now, buildings towering over either side of Luke, and he frowns. They were in fields about two seconds ago. London’s a weird fucking place.

“We’re here,” the cab driver says.

“Huh?” Luke says again, because that doesn’t make sense. The cab driver seems to notice Luke’s confusion, because he grins wryly and says: “We’ve arrived, mate. You fell asleep about half an hour ago.”

“What?” Luke says, and he hears a soft groan to his right; Ashton slowly returning to consciousness. “That wasn’t half an hour ago.”

“Certainly was,” the cab driver says. “You want me to get your bags?”

“No, no, we’ll manage,” Luke says, still trying to wrap his head around the fact that he’d slept for half an hour without even noticing. He grabs Clifford and clambers out of the cab without waiting for Ashton, because his cash is in the boot, and moments later Ashton joins him in dragging their bags out of the back. Neither of them say anything, which means they’re both saying something with their silence, and Luke suddenly wants to fly back to Sydney, wants Michael and Calum to come and console him because he might have a second soulmate experience with Ashton, wants his fucking mum.

“How much?” Luke asks Ashton, when he gets to his wallet.

“Eighty-five,” Ashton says, and Luke’s eyes widen. That’s, like, a hundred and fifty dollars.

“Fucking hell,” he says, fishing two twenties and a ten out of his wallet and holding them out for Ashton. “Should have taken the fucking tube.” Ashton smiles at that, and then disappears around the side of the cab to pay the driver. Luke drags his bags onto the pavement, staring up at the foreboding looking hotel in front of him and shivering in the cold, waiting for Ashton. God, he never thought he’d miss the cloying Sydney heat, but he’d give anything to be sweating on the beach right now.

“Is this it?” he asks Ashton when Ashton reappears, nodding up at the building behind them, and Ashton nods. Luke kicks his suitcases, getting them onto their back wheels, waiting for Ashton to get his in his hands, and they head into the building.

“Hello,” Ashton says politely to the receptionist, when they get in. “Irwin and Hemmings, please.” Luke doesn’t like the way his name slips so easily out of Ashton’s lips, but swallows it down.

“Oh, yes,” the receptionist says, beady eyes staring at the screen in front of her. “You’re with UCL.”

“Uh,” Luke says, at the same time that Ashton says, “Yes.” Well. Good thing Ashton knows what’s going on.

“Well, here are your room keys,” she says, slapping two key cards onto the desk. Luke and Ashton take one each. “You’re in room 203.” Luke waits, but she doesn’t add anything else.

“And me?” he asks.

“And you,” she says. Luke blinks.

“No, I mean-”

“Is there only one room?” Ashton asks, and the receptionist frowns, and nods. Ashton turns to Luke, a crease of concern between his brows.

“We’re part of the group living together,” he sighs.

Fuck.

taglist: @glitterlukey @hey-its-grey @cashtonasfuck @tirednotflirting @haikucal @cthofficial @tigerteeff @clumsyclifford @5sosnsfw @callmeboatboy @angel-cal

(if you wanted to be added to my taglist pls fill in this form)

chapter seven

#lashton #malum #5sos fic #5sos fanfic #5sos fanfiction #CAN YOU BELIEVE?#here i am: with another chapter after another exam #this is just how i am #truly how i am #what if after deadlines are over i just dry up

43 notes · View notes

yououghtaknow · 3 years

Text

skam brighton season 5 music analysis

hello :) i’ve gone through all the songs on previous seasons of skam brighton and explained why i used them and i thought i would do it for season 5 now that it’s over.

tw for disucssion of addiction, racism, pedophilia, transphobia and homophobia

trailer

we begin with a bang with “don’t blame me” by taylor swift. now it has been said about me that i am a swiftie and it is true. and nick braxton is a reputation era bitch. this song has quite literally it all for nick’s character - we got christian themes, reference to drug addiction and an unhealthy devotion to someone. this trailer has gone through many songs to find the perfect one, but i decided on this one because of the themes, and also because of the line “they say she’s gone too far this time” - which, in regards to nick, can be read in many ways. we got the nick going “too far” with his love for james in subtly trying to break liz and james up, nick and their drug addiction, and nick and their relationship with their gender identity - going too far in both the masculine and feminine directions. also it bangs your honour.

episode one

we!! begin!! with!! saturday night’s alright for fighting by sir elton john!!! because it is saturday night and, as we’vee seen, nick isn’t afraid to get into a fight or two. this song specifically was chosen because of the movie rocketman, which i drew a lot of inspiration from, with the themes of drug addiction and sexuality. also, once again, it simply slaps.

we then get “ymca” by the village people playing in the background over the rest of the party scene. i chose this song because it is a very stereotypically gay song, and a lot of what i wanted nick to deal with was self-perception in regards to stereotypes. he is very stereotypically flamboyant because it’s both the way he is and a defensive mechanism - leading to his bisexuality being erased and being seen as gay a lot of the time. he ‘s pretty much the opposite in regards to his asian identity, with him not being academically intelligent and outspoken and being very british in their speaking patterns. it’s about the balance and duality and all that stuff.

then, as we are formally introduced to nick’s devotion to james, we get “where dreams go to die” by john grant. thank you to my friend katya for recommeding this song as a nick song because it is just. crazy. every line makes me want to scream. especially “this is like a well-oiled machine / could i please see that smile again? / it's all that makes me feel like i am living in this world”. like that just shows the extent of nick’s love - because sometimes you’re just in love with the idea of being saved rather than seeking help. is that poetic or am i just pretentiously talking about my trauma? who knows.

we then get “overprotected” by britney spears - because britney has been a nick staple the whole series. i first heard the song in the musical & juliet and i was immediately like “oh nick core”. the song opens with: “ i need time (time) / love (love), joy (joy) / i need space (love) / i need me (action!) / say hello to the girl that i am / you're gonna have to see through my perspective”. because we are literally seeing from nick’s perspective. i also wanted to introduce the gender dynamics early - including in the trailer, where nick refers to themself with she/her pronouns - and her nick is referred to in the text of the song as a girl. it’s also a very sad song about not having any control over your life with a fun pop backing track, which is very nick braxton.

we then get another party scene, that opens with “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored” (by ariana grande) covered by sam fender. i chose this song because 1) i love the cover and 2) god is it a nick song. literally nick has so many wants (to be loved by their family, to get sober, to succeed in school, to explore their gender freely) but he focuses on wanting james and wanting james to leave liz because there are less achievable and thus safer. also the song fucking slaps.

we close with “happy little pill” by troye sivan, a mlm classic. a staple of 2014. i chose this song because 1) drug in title, easy get, and 2) it’s actually a really good song???? it’s about the dissociation. it’s very similar to the scene with bree in season 4 episode 1 where “chandelier” plays as she’s clearly not doing well but she’s pretending for the sake of her friends. nick and bree are narrative foils and i love them.

episode two

the first song of episode 2 is “be great” by lolandre and jeremy pope after we see nick and his dad’s dynamic for the first time. and it’s really something huh. it’s about how christian does want nick to be great, but christian has a very narrow idea of what success and happiness looks like.

the next bit of media we get in this episode is nick watching the first episode of euphoria. when preparing to write various seasons of skam brighton, i watched a lot of teen dramas to get a good feel for the vibe i was going for. euphoria was one of them and it’s a show i have a lot of mixed feelings for - i think it’s very well crafted and extremely interesting but i also do have issues with the sexualisation of teenagers on screen, even if it is mostly realistic. i chose this scene specifically because nick and rue are very similar characters, in regards to their relationships with their parents (i believe nick is more of a jules kinnie but more on that later). they both just want to be a good kid and make them happy, but they can never seem to do it. gia, rue’s younger sister, is also a parallel to nick’s brothers.

we then get “old eden” by honeywater which is just simply a song i like very much that had the vibes of the scene. also the lines “i want love / but i don't just want love, i want you / i see the beach house, your sweet mouth / but the terrible news / is that love is not how it seems on the screen / yeah, real love has problems / but it's what's in-between that's the best” is simply just nick braxton huh. ambiguous disorder.

we then get “generation why” by conan gray as nick storms out of their house after a fight with their parents. i chose it very simply for the vibes because i only listened to this song once and thought “i do not wish to listen to this in my free time but it is a nick braxton time”. it’s just the angsty indie pop main character walking down the street vibes.

we!!! end!!! with!!! a song i love very much - “sex drive” by austin mckenzie of dwsa fame. this song plays over nick getting “rejected” by james and resorting to grindr to feed their want for human affection - which is where the parallels to ms jules euphoria come from. i chose this song specifically because it begins with the lines “who’s driving?” on repeat, which calls into question who is in control in the scenario. as seen on screen, nick is the one who initiates the “date” but, at the end of the day, nick is an underage teenager and the person he’s on a date with is an adult man. also the song is simply a fun bisexual time.

episode three

we open with “hurricane drunk” by florence and the machine, a song that has been decidedly nick core since 2018. like “i’m in the grip of a hurricane / i’m going to blow myself away”...... nick braxton you crazy little person

“yours” by greyson chance plays over nick and james driving out to the woods to skip school together….. it is quite insane. “no matter who i'm with, it's you that i adore / if you're not sure / baby, i'm yours” like i scream and shout nick braxton has always been in love with the concept of james cohen

“myrtle ave.” by mxmtoon plays as nick is feeling isolated from his friends…. like they just vibe with the song and the lyrics so hard. nick is just. i have no words other than i love them.

we close with “st jimmy” by green day because. goddammit isn’t he. like james just comes out as bisexual (just like st jimmy in american idiot the broadway musical) and nick is like “you are like a saint to me, i worship you, i will do anything for you”. like it’s a song about drug addiction but it’s also about being bisexual but it’s also about the performance of masculinity and the performance of being a “rebel” that james and nick both do i love them so much.

episode four

we begin with “lucy in the sky with diamonds” by the beatles. i do not listen to the beatles but i think the song is about drugs and the beatles is a james cohen band in canon so it has the connotations babey.

we then get “seventeen” by troye sivan as nick goes on grindr to seek out adult men. it’s genuinely such a nick song - once again, the fun poppy music in the background and the deeply upsetting lyrics. also, as in season 4, i chose this song to emphasise the fact that nick is seventeen and a minor and should not be doing these activities.

we then get “dancing on my own” by robyn as we’re at the vaguely halloween-esque party. it’s once again about the boppy music and sad lyrics and like. nick voice i’m in the corner watching you kiss her ohhhhhh i’m right over here why can’t you see me ohhhhhhh i’m giving it my all but i’m not the guy you’re taking home ooooh i keep dancing on my own. like he’s fucking insane (he is both me and nick)

and then!!!! we get a scene very personal to me. nick watching rocky horror for the first time at a shadowcast showing and watching “the time warp”. i first saw rocky horror when i was about 10/11 because i saw it on glee and wanted to watch the real movie and it made me so so transgender and homosexual. it is such a non-binary little movie and the time warp is just an absolute bop.

it’s followed by a brief showing of “sweet transvestite” because tim curry in that movie is such an experience for anyone involved. like oh to be gender questioning nick braxton and to see that. what a fucking experience. and also to be gender questioning 11 year old me and to see that and then find out my school is doing a kidz bop version of rocky horror. fucking insane transgender times.

we close with “cecily smith” by will connolly as milo and nick walk home together because. it is just such a sweet song. like life is not the things that we do it’s who we’re doing them with. and it is a very nickmilo song and i am the president of nickmilo nation. i love a non-binary romance i do i do i do.

episode five

we open with “halloween” by phoebe bridgers because it is literally halloween. insane. but it is also such a nick braxton song like come on man we can be anything…… nick braxton voice i’ll be whatever you want…… it’s about the people pleasing and the desire to be wanted and needed loved and goodness gracious. also nick braxton fig faeth kinnie for this song specifically.

and then!!!!! we get nick dramatically singing “girl crush” by the harry styles version in his bathroom mirror. because goddammit they do have a girl crush. it’s about the gender and the desire to both be with james and to be liz becausenick is non-binary babey……..

and then!!!!! in such a parallel!!!!! we get milo singing “inner white girl” from a strange loop on their instagram live. “a strange loop” was a big inspiration for this season, with very similar themes fo it (you should listen to it right now) and this song….. quite genuinely we have nick singing a song about wanting to be a white girl and then they hear this song….. like nick does cling to his inner white girl as a way of staying safe - they cling to the safe idea of mlm flamboyancy and humour to hide from their genuine emotions and gender……. like it is insane to me. also white girls can do anything can’t they!!!!!!!

we then get “the people who raised me” by gregory and the hawks after nick has a fight with their parents…. “but i won't mind no time spent to save me / just trying to be good to the people who raised me” literally nick is trying his best to be good but he can’t be and that makes him angry!!!!!! but that anger is born out of a deep, deep sadness that nick has no emotional language to express, but anger is a language he can speak and it is. insane. like it’s about masculinity, it’s about femininity, it’s about everything. fuck.

we then get "search your heart" by george feeny as nick sadly vibes at school…. also this scene does parallel with the liz/mary scene in season 2 where their parents fight. like liz is shitty to her friends but stays for her sister and nick is great to his friends but leaves his brothers behind….. the range.

and then!!!! we get phoebe bridgers’ cover of “friday i’m in love” because it is friday and nick is in love huh.

and then!!!!!!!!!! a moment i have been building up to!!!!! we get “back to black” by ms amy winehouse after nick finds out james has a crush on alistair thee fletcher. and just like. god. this song has everything for nick. it’s a song about depression, addiction, leaving your lover, anger, bitterness, second choice ness….. and also he is literally going back to black with his hair colour!!!!! because he thinks being more masculine is what will make people love him and he views pink hair as un-masculine!!!!! and he’s also going back to his family, so he’s going back to trying to hide himself to fit into their expectations….. like god it is an insane little time.

episode six

we open with “idk if i’m a boy” by blue foster - a song i got on my discover weekly and it was a deeply personal attack. like nick voice i don’t know if i’m a reject i don’t know if i’m a loser but i know that i’ve been feeling feminine since i’ve been teething…. and how the song uses humour as a way to cope with gender dysphoria like it’s nick bay bee.

we then get “green light” by lorde because god it is such a james/nick song i feel insane. like “did it frighten you / how we kissed when we danced on the light up floor?” because james and nick have canonically kissed many times before….. also lorde as an artist just has such intense nick vibes it’s so much fun

we then get "fluorescent adolescent" by arctic monkeys over a party scene because i’ve been told on the internet that it is a british teen party classic. unfortunately the rowdiest party i’ve ever been to is my cousin’s christening so i do not know if it is factual, but it does slap.

we then get vérité’s cover of somebody else by the 1975 because i just simply prefer this version. but like. oh nick braxton. oh it’s about the rori and the james and the nick being afraid of being open and committing to someone but still wanting to feel the sense of being wanted by someone and being the sole person they want….. literally it is very crazy.

and then we end with “sugar we’re going down” by fall out boy!!!!! like it it such a good song nick voice am i more than you bargained for yet!!! i’ve been dying to tell you everything you’ve ever wanted to hear!!!! because that’s just who i am this week!!!!! like it fits so well with his character but also it is so funny that sugar we’re going down plays as they faint at the party……. i am a comedian sometimes.

episode seven

the first song we get in this ep is “demi moore” by phoebe bridgers as nick is detoxing in the hospital. like quite genuinely “i don’t wanna be stoned anymore!!!!!!!!” they don’t want to be alone anymore!!!!!!!!!

then we get “bite the hand” by boygenius. just. like. “i can’t love you the way you want me to” is just. such a statement for nick’s season. like he can’t love james the way james wants to be loved by nick, they can’t love their parents, their parents can’t love them…… it’s all about learning how to love in a way that is felt by all parties involved in the relationship be it romantic, platonic, familial or otherwise. like. it’s so insane it’s all about love

and then we get “relay” by fiona apple - which was a contender for the trailer song at some point. like nick @ alistair is very “i resent you for being raised right etc.” because he knows liz is fucked up and has flaws, he’s seen them, but alistair is easy to project all of his hatred onto. also just like evil is a relay sport thank you ms apple.

we then get “girls just wanna have fun” by cyndi lauper and “dancing queen” and “mamma mia” by abba sung at the lgbt youth club karaoke night because. i mean of course they are. also they are very fun gender songs and i enjoy them :)

and then. my friends. the moment you’ve been waiting for. nick braxton singing alanis morrissette’s “you oughta know”. now this is gonna be a long one.

the you oughta know analysis

first things first, i got the jagged little pill broadway behind the scenes book for christmas and there’s a whole chapter about you oughta know being a song about the queer struggle of being unseen and unheard and i feel so validated like that is exactly what the song is about.

but for nick. oh baby. it is them singing to james, to rori, to al, to liz, to bree, to his parents, to his teachers, to everyone who perceives them wrong. it’s their moment of standing up and saying i am angry and i am serious about this and i deserve to be listened to as a young person. i will now give an in depth analysis of every line i want to.

“the perfect version of me” - bree and nick have had so many parallels throughout the series, which bree can be described as a “better” version of nick. they’re in therapy, she’s taking care of herself, they’re bisexual and it’s accepted by everyone, she’s a good partner to rori, she has parents who love her, and she can be gender non-conforming in a safe way. but this line also applies to al - because nick and al have also been compared this season, with al talking about how he’s comfortable with his femininity and james liking al, who, despite claiming to be more feminine, is still more traditionally masculine than nick. al, bree and liz are all very academically smart. they are all very creatively gifted. liz doesn’t struggle for money. nick, in their mind, compared to all of these people, is a failure.

“so she speaks eloquently / and she could have your baby / i'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother” - this applied to both liz and bree, who both try to be seen as very eloquent speakers, and who are both afab, so therefore can have james’s baby - something nick wouldn’t be able to do. but we have seen in liz and bree’s seasons that they both have sexual trauma, and bree especially is uncomfortable with having children. it’s nick having this idea of womanhood and femininity being something so unattainable and required for james - that it kind of segways into al. because al is also assigned female at birth and could, as he is pre-t, hypothetically have a child, which is playing into some transphobic notions, but nick sees al as both more feminine and more masculine than him - making al just perfect for james.

“and every time you speak his name / does he know why you told me / you'd be there until you died / 'til you died, but you're still alive” - nick changes to he pronouns here, now directly talking about al. we’ve seen james flirting with nick and we know they’ve kissed in the past, and james and nick are incredibly close friends. but james still, in nick’s mind at this point, chose al over him.

“it was a slap in the face / how quickly i was replaced / and are you thinking of me when she fucks you?” - the conversation about how all the skam brighton characters relate to the line between sex and love is so interesting to me. it is also the reason i do not allow my parents to read this show. but anyways - nick does feel so genuinely replaced by everyone in his life, like there’s always a newer, better version waiting just around the corner. what nick doesn’t know is that that is how everyone else around him feels as well. and the line “are you thinking of me when she fucks you” is such a pointed line because it’s not a line of confidence or a joke. nick knows that no one thinks about them like that because they feel repulsive but try to play it off as a joke.

then we get the “i” section, which is, in the script, more “ayes” and “nahs”, but i wanted to change it to be the word “i” specifically because so much of the season is nick existing for other people. for their parents, for their friends, for their clients, for james. in this moment, they are choosing themself. they are standing up and saying “what i feel is important and i fucking matter”

“'cause the joke that you laid in the bed, that was me / and i'm not gonna fade as soon as you close your eyes / and you know it” - because nick’s sexuality and nick as a romantic partner is treated as such a joke throughout the show’s run, and james has been trying to turn every time he kissed nick into a joke that will go away, but it’s not going to go away because nick remembers it. even if james tries to deny his sexuality to nick’s face, nick is always going to remember that james was, at some point, attracted to men enough to kiss him.

“and every time i scratch my nails / down someone else's back, i hope you feel it / well, can you feel it?” - every time nick has sought out sex with strangers it’s because they feel rejected and insecure in themself. they seek out this sexual validation as a way to feed their want to be loved and noticed by people and he wants james and rori to feel hurt by it - he wants to have the power, he wants to have the control.

“and i’m here” - this line is just. so powerful to me. because it’s a line of defeat - after all this time, nick’s ended up at some crappy youth group with his little brother babysitting him, and he’s been dumped and cheated on and overdosed and everything is so awful. but then it becomes a line of celebration. of “yeah, all that shit happened to me, but i’m still here, i’m still standing, and no one can take away the fact that i am here and i am alive and i deserve to be respected” - something milo taught them when they talked about their tattoo

“to remind you of the mess you left when you went away” - nick himself is the mess they all left - because they feel so abandoned and alone and like they are just a mess to be discarded, but he’s here to remind everyone that he’s here. it’s a call for help.

“it's not fair, to deny me / of the cross i bear that you gave to me” - this line i always saw as directed at his parents - they gave him this cross of being the perfect eldest sibling that ended up crushing him, and they deny that it ever happened. but nick knows it did. the same way he knows james like guys. the same way he knows rori didn’t like only him. the same way he’s been denying himself of the cross he bears of being non-binary, the cross of being an addict, the cross of being a mentally ill neurodivergent person. this song is him finally letting go of that denial.

“you oughta know” - he’s talking to everyone with that line. everyone should know about his pain, about his emotions, about what he’s gone through, because he’s kept it so bottled up for years. it’s not fair for him not to share it because he deserve to.

they don’t call me isaac tumblr user yououghtaknowmp3 for nothing.

episode eight

we open with “seven” by taylor swift as nick reads a letter they wrote to their younger self. like. “i used to scream ferociously any time i wanted” is such a line about being neurodivergent as a child and then being forced to mask as you grow up….. also the bridge is just james and nick core…. you should come live with me and we could be pirates…..

we then get “nonbinary” by arca because i feel like at this point nick would be trying to listen to more nonbinary artists because they want to see themself reflected rather than running from it!!!!

we then get “heather” by conan gray as nick and liz accidentally meet at the local mentally ill teen zone. because i am just fucking crazy like that. and yes, i chose that song before it got big on tiktok. but i think it’s funnier because it is a famous song.

we then get “falling” by harry styles as nick is being emo in their bedroom because nick is just the type of person who will dramatically listen to harry styles in their bedroom whilst being sad. it also completes the full circle of sad taylor swift to sad harry styles, but with no vehicular manslaughter.

we then get “400 lux” by lorde after james and nick have their big conversation because like it is just a them song. like you buy me orange juice. it’s also about the james/nick having a gansey/ronan dynamic in the way that nick is devotedly in love with him and james is just being homoerotic for the jokes. but not most other ways. honestly i haven’t thought about the skam brighton versions of these characters in trc….. many thoughts head full

episode nine

we open with “pink rabbits” by the national as nick redyes their hair back to pink. and i’ll be honest. i only chose this song because it has pink in the title. but it does still vibe with nick though.

we then get “be your own 3am” by adult mom as nick is dealing with some bad cravings. it’s just a very pretty song for listening to alone at night in your bed in that weird space between sleep and awake. i love it.

we then get “i am not a robot” by marina as nick walks down the street because nick is a marina bitch!!!!!!! and “you've been acting awful tough lately / smoking a lot of cigarettes lately / but inside, you're just a little baby / it's okay to say you've got a weak spot” is such a nick @ james line it makes me insane

also rich’s entire character and backstory is directly lifted from skins gen 3 because i am niche and make content just for me

we then end with “rager teenager!” by troye sivan because i have listened to that song exactly once, decided it had nick vibes, and just stuck it in an episode somewhere.

episode ten

we open with “strange torpedo” by lucy dacus because it is just. such a nick song. it is insane. i am insane. like it is about nick wanting someone but not being sure who or what it is because he just wants to be loved and discovers that sometimes being liked is better than being loved…….

we then get “used to you” by mxmtoon and like….. “tell me what i can say / and i can say it / tell me what i can do / and i can do my best / tell me who i should be / and i can change it” is such a nick early s5 lyric…… and how the song is kind of a love song but the line “now i’m just kind of used to you” is very nick about his feelings towards james

we then get “gay street fighter” by keiynan lonsdale as milo gets their sexy slow mo that all of the love interests get at some point. they deserve it.

and then “to be alone with you” by sufjan stevens plays as milo and nick have their first kiss in the pool because i always wanted to include that scene and thought “hey here is good”. and like. they are alone with each other a lot and they like spending time with each other….. they are friends, they are teens, they are falling in love a little <3

we then get “creep” by lena hall as nick has a little gender moment at school. lena hall played yitzhak in the broadway revival of hedwig and the angry inch and she just has so much gender. creep has always been a nick song and this cover just…. it’s them.

we then get some ambient guitar music during the nick/rori scene and i chose some songs from “your city gave me asthma” by wilbur soot because it is a fucking great album and nick is canonically a mcyt stan so i simply had to. we end with “your new boyfriend”, which is a funnier, happier wilbur soot song and it is simply a fun time.

episode eleven

we open with “gender is boring” by she/her/hers which is just an absolute banger. like “gender never really meant that much to me / til' people started telling me how it was supposed to be” is such a great line and it is very nick braxton because. like. it’s just gender babey everything is about gender except for gender which is about having fun.

“dorothea” by taylor swift plays as james and nick have their final big scene together and like. it is such a homoerotic and fun song i love it so much thank you taylor friend of the show swift. “and if you're ever tired of being known / for who you know / you know, you'll always know me” is just……. god.

we then get “i do (end credits)” by kevin abstract as we open on the final scene of the season because a) it has end credits in the title and b) it is just another song i think nick would enjoy listening to.

we then get “they/them/theirs” by worriers as we get another little party montage because it’s a vibe time and like. i do love a they/them pronoun moment. it’s a very good and fun pronoun to use.

and finally we get “prelude” from next to normal as al comes in late to the party and awkwardly stands at the back. i chose this song because. well. you’ll see :)

thank you for reading my analysis that no one asked for, i just love having fun and talking about my silly little show :)

#skam brighton #skam brighton spoilers #isaac speaks #who wants my two page long essay on you oughta know but specifically for MY nonbinary comic relief character with christian trauma #i am fucking crazy BUT i am free :)

4 notes · View notes

writingformadderton · 4 years

Text

The Book of You and I

Ship: Madderton

Word Count: 5449

Summary: Richard and Taron are a happy couple, hiding their relationship from the public. On their way home from a date they talk about coming out. They get involved into a car crash that will change everything overnight. Both of them have to go through their own trauma, but only one of them remembers everything...

Additional Tags: fluff, date, car crash, mention of blood, saying goodbye, memory loss, panic attack, friendship, Bodyguard, Rocketman

This here is the birthday request by @grungy-shirt I hope you like it :) - Nati

Part 2

Taron has his fingers tightly interlocked with Richard’s and smiles up to him. They just had a lovely dinner together at their favorite restaurant and are walking back to Richard’s car. The night is warm and the street lamps just turned on. Almost picture perfect. “Thank you.” he says.

“Oh that was nothing.” Rich says and smiles at him, fumbling in his pocket for his car keys. “Are you free tomorrow?”

“For you always, stunning.” Taron chuckles and stands up on his toes, kissing his cheek as Richard opens the car door for him. Taron wraps his arms around his waist and looks up to him with a big smile. “I love you so much.” he connects their lips to a sweet kiss and feels Rich fondling over his hair lovingly.

“I love you too.” Rich says smiling.

“Wanna stay the night? I’d love to have you close to me tonight.” he wiggles his eyebrows and giggles at Richard’s nod.

Richard just grins and closes the door behind him. He gets in on his side and buckles up before starting the car. “I think it’ll be good weather tomorrow. We could enjoy the sun a bit.”

“That sounds good.” T leans back in the seat and looks at Richard smiling.

“What?” he asks and focuses back on the road.

“I just love it when you drive, feels safe.” Taron mumbles and watches him adoringly. “I love you, Richie.” he says and doesn’t care about the fact that he told him that a few minutes ago.

“I love you too.” he says and smiles shortly at him.

“When exactly will we tell the public we’re actually a thing?” T asks and scratches his neck. “I mean we can’t hide it anymore and I don’t want to. I wanna spend my life with you and grow old with you.” He yawns a bit and looks over at his boyfriend. “And I don’t care if there are people that don’t like it, because you mean everything to me and I’ll never leave you.”

Rich smiles softly at his words. “We can announce it whenever you want.”

“How’s about when you win awards for bodyguard?” T teases him.

“It’s not even finished and you’re already thinking - Fuck.” Rich sees the woman crossing the street almost too late and pushes the brakes. Realizing that won’t be enough, he pulls the steering wheel right and they crash into a wall with the front of the car. Richard hears a loud bang and sees Taron’s head hitting the dashboard. He rubs his face and tries to push away the shock in his body to help his boyfriend.

Taron moans loudly as he pulls back a bit and holds his head. “Fuck.” he presses out and groans in pain. The pain in his head is excruciating and he carefully takes his hand away, feeling something wet. His hand is covered in blood and nausea takes over his body. He leans forward and retches. “Richie?” he whimpers in pain.

Richard turns at the sound of his name and sees how pale Taron becomes. His face is covered in blood and there’s a nasty wound on his forehead. “Fuck, T, are you okay?” His boyfriend wretches and throws up all over himself, coughing. Richard tries to open his own seat belt and succeeds after the fifth try. He leans over to Taron and rubs his back smoothly. "It’s okay. We’ll get you in a hospital.” he assures him and Taron braces himself, holding his pounding head and moaning loudly.

“I-I don’t think I can make it.” he groans and leans forward a bit. He never felt so much pain in one area and tears begin to well up in his eyes. “Fuck it hurts so much.” he groans and pushes himself up as he realizes he will pass out soon. Looking at Richard, maybe for the last time, he smiles weakly. “I love you forever, okay?”

Taron rolls his eyes and goes unconscious. Richard curses loudly and moves to get out. He tries to open the door, but it doesn’t work. “No, no, no.” he whines and tries again, throwing his body weight against it. He looks back at Taron. His white shirt is covered in blood now. Richard needs to get him out of here. He throws himself against the door over and over again until the door opens. Rich stumbles outside and rushes onto Taron’s side. He opens the door and unlocks his seat belt. Pulling him out of the car isn’t exactly easy when he doesn’t have any help. He tries his best.

The woman he nearly ran over suddenly appears next to him and helps him to get Taron outside. “Oh my god I am so sorry. I didn’t see the red light.” she apologizes and Richard can smell alcohol. “I called an ambulance. Is your friend okay?”

“No he’s not.” Obviously, Rich curses to himself. He holds Taron close feeling panic rising rapidly in his body. There was nothing more he wished for now than them working on set and the director screaming cut as soon as the ambulance rolled onto the scene. But there is no cut and no scene to be acted. It’s real life and consequences are ahead.

***

Later at the hospital, a nurse checks on him and asks him if anything hurts. Richard only shakes his head and takes the bottle of water thankfully. She brings him into the private room they’ll bring Taron into later and recommends him to get some rest.

But the shock and anxiety in his body are pulsing too rapidly to rest, so he paces the room and only sits down when exhaustion hits him.

After what felt like a week, but was only an hour, a nurse brings Taron in, lying on a bed. He’s sound asleep and his head is wrapped with gauze, the blood on his face gone. As soon as the nurse disappears, Richard leans down to him and places a kiss on his head. “I’m so sorry, bubs. I never wanted you to get hurt.” he whispers and fondles over his hair. He grabs his cold hand and strokes over his bruised knuckles.

After a while, he calls a taxi and heads home. He steps into the bathroom and sees his trousers and shirt that are covered in Taron’s blood. He has some leftover on his hands as well and he quickly turns on the water in the sink. He makes it hot and rubs his hands clean in quick movements. His sight starts to blur as he feels tears burning in his eyes. “Fuck!” he slams the soap into the sink and runs his wet hands through his curls shaking. “Why not me? Why Taron? Oh for fucks sake!” he curses and tries to take deep breaths. But it doesn’t take long for him to crouch down onto the floor and break down.

The love of his life was lying in a hospital bed and his fate unknown? What was Rich to do? What could he do? He racks his brain until exhaustion hits and he sighs. He forces himself up to take a shower and throw the bloody clothes in a bag so they can be washed apart from the other clothes. He slides into bed and tries his best to get some rest.

***

The next day, he cleans his apartment up and prepares the sofa for T. He would take him home as soon as he could and take care of him. Taron would probably tell him he’s okay and go to his own apartment, but Rich wouldn’t let that happen.

He had to take care of him. He was the one who got him into this predicament in the first place. His conscious just couldn’t let Taron recover on his own. He takes one final look at things and grabs his phone and keys. He leaves his place and heads out to start his day.

***

Some time later, he walks into the hospital and carefully opens the door to Taron’s room. Seeing Taron is awake, he feels relief swapping over him and he lets out a deep breath. “Hey, how are you?” he asks and walks over to him. He leans down, places a kiss onto his hair and fondles his cheek. “I’m so glad you’re okay, baby.”

“Who are you?” Taron asks confused and pushes him away.

“What?” Richard raises his eyebrows and takes a step back. “Come on, that’s not funny.” he chuckles weakly.

“I’m not joking.” T says firmly and watches him observantly.

“When is your birthday?” he asks. Taron shrugs his shoulders. “What’s your favorite food?” another shrug. “The name of your mum is Maria.”

“Okay?” T says confused.

“No, it’s Tina.” Rich says and feels fear creeping up in him. “Taron, this is not funny.”

“I’m not making fun of you. How would I know who you are if I don’t know who I am?” he asks a bit annoyed and looks out of the window. Who the hell was this guy and why was he asking him all these questions?

“You really don’t remember anything?” he asks and falls down onto the seat next to the bed heavily.

“Nothing.” he says and it scares him a bit. Anyone could walk in and tell him anything. Doesn’t mean it’s true. He needed answers. He pushes the button for the nurse.

She comes inside and greets the stranger friendly. “Oh Mr. Madden, how are you feeling?”

“I’m okay.” he barely gets out and looks at Taron still a bit startled.

“So, Taron, how are you feeling? Is everything alright? How is your head?” she asks and puts a water bottle and some pills on the bedside table.

“I’m fine.” T says and looks down at his knees. “Miss, do I know him?”

Richard’s heart breaks a little at the question and he bites his lower lip. This was worse than he could have ever imagined. Looking at Taron, he sees he isn’t mocking him. T looked horrified, confused and hurt. He just wants to wrap him up in a blanket and take him home, but now he doesn’t know if that will be even possible.

“Yes, you do. Richard is your boyfriend.” she says softly, looking at Richard shortly who told her yesterday when she asked him how he was related to T.

“My - what?” Taron’s eyes widen and he looks at her shocked. I had a boyfriend? Since when?

“I know it is all very confusing at the moment. Taron you had a bad accident yesterday and you hit your head really hard. You’re suffering from retrograde amnesia, which means you’ve forgotten a lot from your life before the accident.”

“Will I ever remember it again?” Taron asks timidly. It was all too much at one time.

“I can’t assure you that at the moment. But a few things will come back to you. Sometimes when you go to places you used to love, the familiarity comes back.” she suggests and smiles reassuringly.

“Oh yeah. And how am I supposed to remember those places?!” he asks pissed. “But thanks for the advice, I’ll take a tour around the world and see what comes back to me!”

“Don’t be so harsh. She’s trying to help.” Richard says and watches his upset boyfriend.

“I don’t know you, so don’t tell me what to do.” Taron says harshly and Rich swallows hard. He huffs out air from his mouth and looks out of the window. “I wanna be alone.” neither Richard nor the nurse move for a moment. “Please!”

Richard gives in and gets up, walking out quickly. The nurse closes the door and smiles at him compassionate. “I’m sorry. I would have warned you if I had seen you before you went inside.”

Rich just nods slowly and folds his arms in front of his chest. “This is permanent, doctor?” he asks and swallows hard.

“I fear it is. He will have to start all over. At this rate, I’m afraid he won’t let you help him.” she says slowly.

“So I lost my boyfriend in that accident?” he asks and bites his lower lip nervously.

“I’m sorry.” she says low voiced.

“Not your fault.” he says and sits down on one of the seats in the corridor. He looks down at the floor and his thoughts race. Did he really lose Taron yesterday? His one and only, his sweet cuddly love? His throat gets tight and he feels tears burning in his eyes. He thinks back to how Taron wanted to tell the public that they were a couple, how he talked about their future with big, shining eyes. The way he said he feels safe when he’s driving, only to get into a car crash not even two minutes later. The tears roll down his face and he sniffs knowing he needs to calm down.

***

“Ehm, hey. She said you can bring me home.” A soft voice speaks and gently nudges Rich.

Richard opens his eyes and sees Taron’s sneakers in front of him. He looks up and meets his favorite pair of eyes. “Yea? That’s good to hear.”

“You’re crying?” T asks and raises his eyebrows.

“Allergic.” he mumbles and wipes his cheeks clean.

“Inside?” Taron’s voice sounds a bit shocked and he tilts his head in both directions. “To what?”

This shit, he thinks to himself. “Sanitizer.” he says seeing one near and hears Taron chuckle.

“Sure.”

***

Richard opens the door to Taron’s apartment and lets him step inside. He looks around and rolls his eyes a bit seeing the mess.

“Oh I’m messy. I like it.” T says and Rich chuckles softly. Taron wanders around in his apartment and looks into the rooms. It’s strange to imagine he lived here and thought it would never be unknown to him again. T sees a few pictures standing around on a little table and walks over there slowly. “Who is she?” he asks.

“Your mum, Tina.” Rich says and sees the selfie of them, himself pressing a soft kiss onto Taron’s hair, next to the photo he was examining. It was Taron’s favorite.

T then looks at the same photo and frowns a bit. “I don’t think I can do this.” he says and points at the picture. Richard nods slowly and watches T take it out of the frame. Taron hands it to him, contorting his face. “I think I’ll get some sleep.” He speaks lowly and makes his way to his bedroom.

Rich stands silently, the photo in his hand. His love was gone and there was no coming back. With a sigh, he leaves the apartment, tears welling his eyes.

***

Coming to the apartment the next day wasn’t the best idea.

Taron is unsure about having Richard around him, not knowing him anymore. It’s hard for him to process that he doesn’t know anything and can’t even trust himself. They sit at the dining table sharing coffee when Taron speaks up. “Listen, I know you wanna help me but I - I need some time alone.” Taron starts and plays with his hands nervously. “I don’t even know what we were or if you really are who you told me you are.”

“Taron, I wouldn’t lie to you. You were my boyfriend.” Rich says tiredly and rubs his face.

“There was never an us. At least not in my memory and that makes it fucking hard to trust you.” Taron says firmly and runs his fingers through his hair. “How could I be able to love someone when I don’t even know myself?”

Richard watches him sad, his heart wrenching at his words. “I don’t know.” he admits.

“I can’t do this. I need some space and I need to figure things out, figure out who I am.” Taron says and Rich nods slowly.

“Okay then. Call me if you need help with anything.”

***

Three months go by.

Richard hasn’t heard anything from Taron since that day. It hurts to think his life turned upside down that night. To him, it feels like Taron died in that car crash this night. He is just unreachable now. His thoughts are constantly spinning, the car crash haunts his dreams, and wakes him up with screams for help following.

He spent a lot of time with his Bodyguard costar Keeley, who never failed to cheer him up but also gave him time to be sad about it. Richard is still struggling to this day.

Richard plays with the buttons of his suit nervously and looks at the car in front of him. Today was the day they would shoot the scene of the attack during the car ride. His costar and dear friend Keeley steps next to him and pats him on the back. “You’re ready for today?”

“I hope so.” he says and smiles shortly at her.

She nods quickly and watches him carefully. She could easily see how much it’s pulling on her friend’s nerves to act this scene. “We’ll get it done quickly and then we’re done for today. We could spend the rest of the day together if you want to.”

He smiles at her, grateful, and nods. “I’d like that.” he says and she nods smiling.

They sit down in the car and begin the scene. Keeley says her line, then the shot rings through the air. The driver falls back in his seat before sinking down his head. Then comes the cut and Richard is glad to get out of the car. They cover his face in blood just like his shirt, Keeley’s white suit is now covered in fake blood and Richard’s stomach turns seeing it. The picture of Taron’s white blood-stained shirt appears in his mind. But he gets himself together and gets back in the car.

They start again, their driver’s head sinks down and Richard knows he has to slip back into playing David and grabbing the steering wheel to get them to safety. But the sounds, Keeley’s screams in the backseat and all the fake blood does him no good. He feels himself getting cold while his body starts shaking and he breathes deeply, on the edge of a breakdown.

All he can think about is himself pushing the breaks and seeing Taron crashing his head on the dashboard. He sees himself trying to calm Taron down, who’s bleeding heavily and throwing up all over himself while trying to breathe. Taron’s body going limp while he tries to open the door, throwing himself against it and opening his seatbelt. Richard buries his face in his hands and sinks down in his seat trying to focus. The name of his former boyfriend leaves his lips like a curse and he feels nausea creeping up in him.

Keeley quickly realizes what’s going on and sees Richard starting to panic. She needs to stop this before it gets worse. She knew this would be torture for her friend. “Stop it, cut!” she says firmly and opens the door, getting out quickly. “Richard, hey, mate.” he suddenly hears Keeley next to him and feels her hand on his shoulder.

“I can’t - Keeley- I.” he stammers and looks at her with wide blue eyes. Richard grabs the hand she’s holding towards him and tries to breathe.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to do anything.” she leans over him and opens the seatbelt. “Come on, get out.” she urges him softly.

Rich gets out shaking with her help and holds himself at the door as his world starts spinning. He leans forward, resting his head on his hands and lets out a shuddery breath. Fuck.

Keeley rubs his back smoothly and waves her assistant closer. She takes the blanket that was meant to be hers and wraps it around her shivering mate. “Here take my blanket.” she watches him worried and sees how pale his face now was. “You should sit down, Rich.”

“Not in the car.” he presses out and takes a deep breath, standing up straight.

“Okay, then on the floor.”

“They’ll kill me if I sit down on the floor with this suit.”

“Oh fuck that! I don’t care about that. Sit down now.” she urges him and pulls him down. She sits down in front of him in her heels and white suit, not having a single care in the world if it gets dirty. Keeley opens a bottle of water and hands it to Rich, who takes it with a weak smile.

Their director comes towards them and looks down at Rich. “Are you alright, Richard?” Rich just nods and takes a gulp of water. “Brings it all back, huh?”

Richard closes the water bottle slowly and his grip around it gets tight. Of course it does! He remains silent, feeling panic in him mixing with hopelessness.

“I’m sorry but we can’t do this again today.” Keeley speaks firmly and gets up. She reaches her hand out for Richard, who grabs it and pulls him up. “Let’s get out of these clothes.” the Brit wraps the blanket around him tightly again and wraps her arm around him as she walks him away from set.

***

Richard puts on his clothes and follows Keeley to her trailer. He remains silent as she turns on the water boiler and puts some cookies onto a plate. She disappears in her bathroom and comes back with some make-up remover tissues. Her own face is now clean and she leans down to Richard, wiping away the fake blood and dirt, cleaning his face softly. “Thank you.” he mumbles and watches her throwing them away.

She gets two cups and fills them with the hot water, adding two tea bags and some sugar. Sitting down next to him, she wraps her arm around him and rubs his shoulder lovingly. “Are you alright, my dear?”

Richard shakes his head and rests his head on her shoulder. “I don’t think I can do this scene. Seeing the blood on your white suit reminded me of his shirt. The way our driver sank down transformed into Taron fainting in my mind.”

“I’m sorry bout that, Rich.” she says lowly and fondles over his hair. “We’re gonna find a way.”

“I just wanna forget the accident. And him.” he says sadly. “Sometimes I wish that I hit my head just as hard.” he admits, but feels bad about it. This wasn’t fair. Taron had to struggle to get his memory back and here he was sulking, wishing he was in his place.

“You’d really prefer not knowing who you are, not even your name, over this here? The constant paranoia that you know everyone who knows your name? How do you think it will affect his relationship with his fans? Some could tell him stories that aren’t even true.” she states and remains silent for a moment. “Imagine reading all the fake articles about stupid things you never said or did. You wouldn’t know your mum anymore. Your youth would be gone. Your first acting experiences. Everything that is normal for us.” she sighs a bit. “That isn’t what you want. And T needs time to cope and get his life back.”

“Yeah, I know. It just hurts. I don’t wanna feel this way anymore.” he mumbles and rubs his face tiredly.

***

“Richard, nice to meet you again.” Dexter Fletcher says and sits down opposite him. “So, you’re the top candidate of our role for John Reid. But it was brought to my attention that you aren’t thrilled about it anymore.”

“I- Well to be honest I’m neither a singer nor a dancer and since you wanna make it like a musical -.” Rich says and scratches his neck. He didn’t want to do this because he simply was bad at it.

“We have one dancing sequence with our main actor planned for you. We’ll see if it makes the final cut. You would sing one song and of course we would transform it into a scene.” Dexter explains and watches the man in front of him. He hadn’t told Richard that Taron was the leading man yet. Everyone heard about the car crash and knew their paths parted afterwards due to Taron’s retrograde amnesia. Dexter saw both of them struggling with their own lives after the crash. This could be another major reason for Richard to back out. But they wanted him so bad. He was perfect and Elton approved of the choice.

“Mm okay.” Rich says and thinks for a moment. “Who is playing Elton? You didn’t tell me yet.” he thinks and it seems strange. Dexter is normally raving about his actors and the excitement of the project overall. But he seemed to be holding back.

Dexter takes out his phone and connects it with his headphones. He gives them to Richard and watches him put one in his ear. “Just listen. Maybe this will help with your final decision. It’s a raw version but who cares.”

Richard frowns a bit but decides to give in. He can hear the first notes of Rocketman and as soon as he hears the singer starting, he looks at him shocked. “Oh.” he just says and listens. Taron’s angelic voice sends goosebumps all over his body, like it did every time before.

Dex remains quiet and watches Richard closely. The man in front of him looks lost in thoughts and his deep blue eyes are brimmed with tears.

Richard is stuck in his memories while listening to Taron singing. He bites his lower lip nervously and the vulnerability and softness in Taron’s voice hurts him physically. Damn, his golden boy still had an amazing voice. When the song stops, he looks at the table for a moment. “And you think playing the lover of my ex-boyfriend is a good idea?”

“Tell me.” Dex says and raises his eyebrows challenging. “Tell me this song, with his bloody amazing voice, didn’t touch you. Tell me you would give away the chance to get to know him all over again. Tell me you don’t want him to meet you again.” he sees Richard squirming a bit in his seat. “Do it and I’ll tell Elton that Richard Madden doesn’t want the role anymore.”

Richard folds his arms in front of his chest. “You do know it isn’t fair to just throw me into this all of a sudden? Exposing me to Taron this way?”

“It might have been a bit unfair.” Dex admits with a smirk.

“God Dex, you drive me crazy.” he sighs and shakes his head a bit. “Fine, I’ll do it. But just because you and Elton seem to want me so badly.”

“Okay! Ehm this might be a bit quick now, but I have T with me.”

“Shut up.” Richard says and his eyes widen. “Dex, don’t you dare-.”

But then the door opens and his former boyfriend steps in. “Hey, Dex you’re still on it or -?”

“No, it’s fine, Taron. Meet your new costar.” he says and gets up, seeing the look in Richard’s eyes. “I’ll let you get to know each other.” he says and winks at Rich, who can’t stop himself from rolling his eyes.

Taron watches him leave and smiles at him shyly. “Hi.” he says and walks over to him.

Richard gets up and shakes his hand. “Hey.”

“I’m Taron, do I know you? I’m sorry, weird question. I lost my memory in a car accident. Well, at least that’s what they told me.”

“Yeah, I heard about that.” I was driving, he thinks. But he couldn’t tell him that. “I’m Richard.”

“And you are playing-?” he sits down and watches him curiously.

“John Reid.” he says and sits down as well.

“Oh yeah. Sorry again. Sometimes I struggle to keep any information I get.” he chuckles softly.

“No problem.” Rich says with a weak smile.

Taron watches him observantly and he gets a funny feeling. He knew him from somewhere. “You seem familiar to me. I think I’ve seen you before.” he looks into his deep blue eyes and the brown slightly curly hair. The accent wasn’t unknown as well, it matched with his voice perfectly. “Have we met, like a month after the accident?”

“No.” That wasn’t exactly a lie.

“Okay. I can’t remember anything before and the month after the accident happened. It’s all a blur so I don’t really know what I was doing.” he explains. “Probably watched one of your movies.” he grins.

“Maybe.” Rich says with a small smile.

“So what convinced you to stay? Dex told me you considered not doing it.” Taron says and looks at him questioning.

“To be honest, it was you singing.” Richard admits softly. “You got a beautiful voice mate, sent goosebumps all over my body.”

“Oh, thank you.” Taron says and blushes smiling.

Oh God, don’t do that to me, he thinks. Not the blushing. “So how is your life now? Must be difficult to handle it all on your own.”

“Oh yeah, I’m doing okay. My mum helped me in the beginning, she’s lovely. Meeting her the first time was strange. I found out I have two younger sisters. Now I’m living on my own in the apartment and well I apparently worked with Dexter before. He decided to help me out as well.” Taron explains and looks down at the table. “I don’t know much about my friends from my earlier life to be honest. And almost nothing about the car crash.”

“No?” Rich asks confused. “You could have looked up your name.”

“I don’t wanna risk reading some fake news.” Taron says with a weak smile.

“Oh, yeah.” Richard says and an awkward silence lies between them.

T plays with his hands nervously. “The only thing I have is something I found in my jacket. I’ve been carrying it with me since then.” Taron pulls something from his trousers. He unfolds the piece of paper and looks down at it. Richard’s throat tightens at that sight and he presses his lips together. “It has my name on it, my mum’s phone number, and what happened to me.”

Rich looks down at it and recognizes his own hand writing. Seems like T kept the last memory he has of him.

Taron looks up and sees the tears in Richard’s eyes. “You okay?” he asks worried and watches him observantly.

“Yeah, just - an allergy.” he says and thinks back when he made up this lie.

“To what?” Taron asks and tilts his head sideways.

“Flowers.” he nearly chokes on the word and points at the flowers in front of them.

Taron gets up and throws them in the trash. “You could have said something, mate.”

He doesn’t know what hurts more. The way Taron just threw away what supposedly caused his tears or that he called him mate. “It’s okay.” he says with eyes full of tears.

***

Later that day, Richard calls Keeley and tells her everything. He doesn’t feel ready to work with Taron, who seemed to forget the first two days he left the hospital. It all happened too fast and it hurt him physically to look into those beautiful eyes he fell in love with all this time ago. It was strange to see the man who used to be his boyfriend, his clumsy funny lover who always wanted him close, become so distant from him. It’s worse than a break up because the Taron he knew was gone, without a warning, overnight.

Thinking back to Taron’s last words, he starts crying. I love you forever, okay? Did he realize he wouldn’t be the same afterwards?

How could he ever be able to start over again with Taron? Maybe they would never be madly in love again and it would only be a product of Richard’s imagination combined with some suspicions from the magazines.

“Keeley, I can’t pretend I don’t know the way his lips taste. Or how his hair felt underneath my fingers, his smell when he cuddled into me.” he says sadly and looks up at the ceiling.

“I guess you have to. Richard, the Taron you know is gone. It’s time to start over with him, hun.”

Richard tunes out the rest of her words as tears fall down his cheeks and his heart starts racing. This wasn’t right. This isn’t how it was supposed to be. They were happy, so madly in love, their whole future in front of them. Both thinking they would spend it together. Oh god, they were so wrong.

@taron-eggmcmuffin @sarahegerton96 @primaba11erina @multicoloredchicken @anxiety-at-the-classroom @maddertonmyheart @madderton-obsessed @naptitimadderton

#taron egerton #Richard Madden #madderton #taron egerton fic #taron x richard #richard madden fic #madderton fic #madderton fluff #madderton angst #angst #fluff #memory loss #car crash #Mention of blood #panic attack #friendship #the bodyguard #Rocketman #dexter fletcher

40 notes · View notes