#not that i think im that visibly queer but i guess i am

[gaytobymeres]

met the accountant yesterday for my new job (needed to give him a form) and i was expecting some old guy but no it was a youngish gay guy and im p sure we both did a double take at finding another gay person in what is a very heterosexual environment. like the spiderman pointing meme.

[aways-and-forever-alone]

Why?

James potter x y/n

Summary: Sirius is one of your greatest friends, so you help him hide a secret. But James takes it wrong and gets upset.

Warnings:I don't think I use any pronouns sorry if I did, but you can change that if you want, that's all if there's more please tell me.

I have dyslexia

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It happened over the summer. he had sent you an owl, telling you to call him on a "that one thing Muggles use, because they're too lazy to train owls" he said that it was too important to say over a letter so of course I sent a letter back.

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Sirius

It's a phone, and you've never trained an owl too. To be honest, there thinking smart, not harder, making a phone box thing.

Anyway, I'll be there at 5:00 on Sunday, be ready, and do the same thing you always do when we talk, if you need help ask James.

-y/n

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So here I am, at a telephone box, waiting for 5:00.

It is now, 5:43 and I'm about to leave when the phone rings. I jump to the phone and answer.

"Y/n"

"Sirius"

"Oh! Sorry I called late, I had a hard time setting up the phone, I had to ask Remus, but James was too busy"

"It's ok what do you want to talk about" I'm a little scared, Sirius is not serious.

"Ok, so you're ok with, queer people right" Sirius seemed hesitant

"Yea...... what's this about," I ask

"We're not really ready, but I'm dating Moony, and people are starting to ask why I haven't asked out any girls, because like I did it a lot..... not my greatest moments," he said all jumbled, and slightly nervous. It was very unusual.

"I 100% support it, but what does this have to do with me" By the way he was talking, it was probably a really dumb idea.

"CanWeFakeDate" I didn't say anything, I was confused for a second. Sirius didn't hear me talk and got worried. "I'm sorry it's dumb, please forget it" I still didn't talk.

"Ok, but only for a few weeks" It was a little silly but I'll do it for a friend.

"Really. Ok I'll tell Remus" Sirius calmed down

"Wait, can james know," I ask, hoping he didn't hang up.

"Can we wait, till we tell him about me and Moony, I trust him but we just want to keep it down" That makes sense I guess, hopefully, it won't end bad, I know he doesn't like me but I want him to know I'm not takin.

"Yea that's fine"

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So we put a plan in order.

ONE: Slowly introduce it.

We started out with James, they need to know so when they find out it makes sense.

We were just talking, and Sirius was sitting close to me, we were going to introduce it slowly, so it's not suspicious when we say we're dating.

Remus knows but still looks like a kicked puppy, James is looking at me, I wonder if he knows?

Soon were leaving, and James asked if we could talk. I agree even if I was going to talk to Remus, I'd just owl him tonight.

"Y/n come on," James said a little Inpatient.

"Sorry, what do you want to talk about," I said as we fell into step

"Are you Sirius dating, it's ok if you are" Wow, what do I say.

This messed up port two of the plan (just a little)

"Kinda...." I lie

"What do you mean, 'kinda', it's a yes or no question"

"I don't know, ok," I say, I do know we're friends and nothing else but I can't tell James that, they want me to keep it a secret.

Or maybe I could tell! they said I couldn't say that there dating, but I could say that Sirius and I are fake dating, I don't have to say why.

"It's fake, he asked if we could fake date" I say as we step out in to the potter's family garden.

"Why, what's in It for you " he asked, his Annoyance Visible.

"Because, and im helping a friend" I answer hopefully he'd take it and stop asking questions.

"Do you know, or can I just not know?" he said bitterly. James was nice but got upset easily And Jealous.

"No it's not like that, I know because I'm fake dating him, I deserve that much. It is nothing against you. He just doesn't want people to know, if people knew then we wouldn't fake date" I answer.

"So your single"

"Yea, but people just don't know."

"Good" James is mad that Sirius is doing this. But he likes that no one knows you're single.

But him.

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TWO: make a big deal of it. (It's Sirius he's dramatic)

The school has started which gives us a good way to announce, our 'dating'. And how did he have to do it? BY KISSING ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HALL. Don't get me wrong, I've seen Sirius kiss lots of girls in the hall. But never in my nightmares have I deen that girl!

Rumors spread pretty fast, and soon, everyone knew.

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I think James is scared I'm getting Bullied, he rarely leaves my side now. I mean there's been some mean girls, and weirdly a guy saying I lead him on, which is not true. But I'm doing fine, I knew there were going to be some fan girls mad, so I'm fine and I know they don't mean what they say......right?

Anyway

THREE: dramatic brake up

We were in the library studying with Remus and James. Sirius and James were behind, and Remus was practically teaching them what they should all already know.

I go back to my homework when I finish explaining the potion to James. Sirius slides me a note.

'How do you want,2 break up'

I laughed at his note and slid one back

'Idk you asked me to fake date YOU'

We both offered some pretty dumb ideas. I went to grab the next bad idea Sirius had said, but the note isn't from him.

'What are you guys talking about'

-james'

Sirius and Remus fond out I told James and were a little mad, but said it was ok because he doesn't know why I'm fake dating Sirius.

'How where going to brake up, his ideas such.'

Sirius reads this over my shoulder now Curious, and frantically writes next to my messages.

'Hey, your ideas are pretty bad to!'

James, reads the note smiling, Scribbling an answer. Passing the note to Sirius not letting me see it, they both nod their heads and go back to their homework, James taking the know so I don't see.

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We wait for a good time to brack up, there has to be a good amount of people. And we need to be dramatic, because that's fun.

It arrived when Slytherin wins the game agents Griffindoor, and as revenge we Steal their spotlight.

So here I am, getting ready for a slytherin party. I don't even know what Sirius and James are going for the brake up but I'm a little scared, one I don't know the plan, two they made it.

I expect Sirius to be at my door but it's james.

"Hey" I said smiling now.

"Hey....." I feel a little nervous when he looks me over.

"You look nice" he said quietly

"You loom pretty good to" I say with out Thought

"You read to go" James cuts in to what ever this is

"Yea" now I'm really confused. I thought Sirius was getting me, im happy it's James tho.

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We just talk with our friends, intill James whispers, to fall him.

"I'm going to go get punch guy" James says looking at me

"I'll come with" I add, I think this what he wants. We get to the punch table, the punch is probably not just punch, I cringe at the idea.

"Slap me if you get mad" James said before pouring the punch on him.

"Did you just throw your drink at me!" James said loudly, I was very Confused.

"I....." but before I could give a real response he cute me off, Yelling more getting people's attention.

"Oh don't act confused, you know what you did. First you date Sirius and brake my heart they you mess up my fancy shirt!"

"James.... wha-" he cut me off again....... by kissing me, for a moment I don't do anything,I'm so very confused. But when James releases I'm not kissing him back he starts to pull away, but I chase his lips. Pulling him in.

just as soon as I start to realize what's going on, someone pulls me away.

"How dare you" Sirius gasps so dramatically I try really hard not to laugh.

"We're done, go be with that back staber" wow he really wants a award. And with that he struts away.

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Bonus (headcanon)

People are ready confused why you guys are still friends, in there eyes he's girlfriend and best friends date well the were still together.

Like some guy would come to console y/n(even tho she "cheated") and he talks shit about Sirius and your like, that's my brother from from another mother bitch.

I think that's fun

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This was suppose to be a blurb, but yk. Kinda of Proof red

Thank you for reading I really tired so I hope you like it. If you like it please show it I get more inspiration when I know people like it.

Have a good day!!!

[woahpinkhorsegirl]

Hi mlp tumblr and bluey tumblr! Im Pink! Im hoping to share my stuff on here and discover other stuff!

This is my sona! She's a changeling but stays in her pony form almost all the time, just her preference :)

Im gonna start posting OCs and whatnot for both fandoms soon, but i wanna put here the list of Deviantart basemakers i used from at various points, mostly early on when i forgot to credit them. Hopefully I'll make new refs eventually and they'll have proper credits.

I have a huge MLP and Bluey next gen thing to post too so either look forward to that or check it out if its out by the time you read this!

Other information about me, if you'd like to know:

I am 19 years old, white, American, and ace bi. I'm a ciswoman but I go by all pronouns, she/he/they/it and neopronouns are all acceptable, whatever you see fit or comfortable to call me!

Trans people of all kinds are welcome on my profile, alongside queer people in general! I am pr0-choice and pr0-p4lestine, I don't talk about my p0litical stances much but those are the two most important i can think to mention.

Disabled people, with both invisible and visible disabilities, are also welcome (these feel obvious but I've seen people who make it feel necessary)

Non-white people are also welcome (again, unfortunate that I feel the need to clarify that, but I use twitter so :/)

I also saw a random post about this but just in case, anyone with coping mechanisms (like age regression) are also welcome. I won't judge you for doing what you need to do.

If i look like im censoring some words by using numbers or symbols, that's a force of habit. I don't like appearing in search terms unless I actively want to, it usually invites the wrong people, so i "censor" terms that I think might draw the attention of bad apples.

Uh just some boundary stuff I guess? I love OC interaction and I also enjoy RP. I don't like giving my discord to people so any of that is gonna have to happen here. If that's inconvenient or not gonna cut it, then my apologies :(

Uh my rules for RP are a tiny bit strict but not in the way your probably thinking.

Im one of those "planning ahead" type of roleplayers who like to map out a scenario and key events before we begin and occasionally take pauses between major scenes to plot elements of the future. If you can handle that, then I'd say your golden! Im not picky with the length or detail in responses, as long as theres something to work with, I can usually move things along. The only other restriction i can think of is: when it comes to the sexualities of my characters, please respect them. Thats really it :)

I do platonic roleplays, adventure, romantic, and slice of life. I'm not much for action stuff unless its the spice thrown into the other types occasionally. I'm pretty flexible though, so we can talk about it individually if need be.

Oh, and no nsfw RP. I dont do s3x, and im not much for depicting "elicit substances" to put it lightly. Alc0hol might be the only exception, if its kept in small doses. If for some strange reason our characters end up in a s3xual scenario, we're skipping to the aftermath.

Edit: Some of my OCs have romantic interests made/owned by my boyfriend. This element can be removed for romance roleplays if need be (although they will still be with his OCs outside of the roleplay)

So yeah uhm I think thats it! Im not sure if you can edit things on Tumblr but if you can then I guess I'll update this as needed! Thanks for checking out my blog!!

[kienansidhe]

Saw your tags on a post and wanted to mention that trans women having their bulge be seen as gross also isn't an exceptional experience. It's definitely more visible because they face hyper visibility, but bigots treat all trans people that way.

If you need a one to one many NBs who have a penis will have their bulge treated the exact same as trans women. For a different but comparable experience, people who pack have it treated as gross as well and it's assumed to be a sexual thing. Same thing with people who've had phalloplasty.

I've also seen cis gay guys treated that way too. It's "gross" and assumed predatory. Because the cisheteropatriarchy punishes any deviance from traditional masculinity and femininity, queer bodies are as a whole demonized and policed. And that means a lot of bulges are treated as inherently sexual, threatening, and gross by mainstream society.

You kind of ended up doing the exact thing the post was warning against, where you assumed X doesn't happen to Y group of people, and only Z group of people experiences that. It's something that's easy to do but I hope you'll be able to expand your knowledge of the topic with this and also consider future things more broadly. There are definitely a few experiences one group will have different than another, but there's also a lot more overlap than people think. And there are very few experiences that literally only one group has, even if the exact way people experience it might differ some.

thank you for your thoughts! i inhabit a transmasc body that has chosen to only partially transition, and i struggle a lot with moral ocd, so on this site where there r a lot of loud ppl saying that trans women / transfems have it the worst of anyone, while other people say that different trans ppls struggles are different but not better or worse, while trolls and bullies muddy the conversation constantly, i really have trouble figuring out whats what.

i kinda default to deferring to trans womens voices because i dont know what its like to be transfem, but like, of course different transfems say different things and not all can be right at the same time, so its very confusing! im very afraid of erring on the side of dismissing transmisogyny, i guess? and theres so many ppl on this site who jump at the chance to call any statement transmisogynistic that i am maybe putting 'ofc trans women have it worse' disclaimers in too many places? (this is NOT trans womens fault, i see this from every demographic and often most viciously from other transmascs.) like. not gonna lie, im very scared of people on social media lol.

im sorry if ive made people feel invalidated by the way i talk abt this stuff, especially since i feel invalidated a lot when ppl call transmascs transmisogynistic for talking abt transandrophobia/transmisandry? maybe i need to just stop commenting and listen more until i can comment more confidently and with less fear. i dont know? im open to input!

[edit: heres the post and my tags that anon is referring to]

[drdemonprince]

hi sorry if this is kinda ramble-y. im an 25+ introverted acearo who has never kissed or dated or "experimented" in high school/college cuz i was too focused on my grades and i think i'd would like to try sex once just see what all the fuss is about but i am also afab non-binary and i'm not "visibly trans" so i just get misgendered a lot as a "cis woman." would you have any advice on trying to not feel gender dysphoria when having sex? like, i feel like if i got flirted with by a cishet man or a cis lesbian woman, i feel like i would feel awkward and dysphoric like they are only attracted to me bc i look like a "woman" and also kinda bad like i am wasting their time. should i try to just put something in a dating/tinder/idk (dating app here) profile like "t4t" or my they/them pronouns or "ace4bi/pan" or "ace4other sex-favorable/curious aces" or a little trans flag emoji or something and hope people take the hint?

while i think i would prefer a 1-on-1 meeting for my first time, i also was worried about going to places like a total stranger's apartment/house/hotel alone and i had briefly thought about trying a public sauna since it did seem safer for the reasons that you gave to previous anon that there would be others around and security, but my city's gay baths is pretty. dinky? if google reviews of 2/5 stars are to be believed, it's kinda gone downhill since 2011 on facilities maintenance/showers/hot tub not working, etc., and is very pricey compared to other bigger cities' bathhouses. just generally disappointing i guess? and as an afab looking person, i think would only be allowed to go in on sundays which i think is their all genders day according to the website? but still, from my outward appearance, i was worried that i would get misgendered by any who approach me as a "girl" or get thought of as that stereotypical cishet girl invading gay bars/queer spaces, etc.

also, i dont like being touched on basically my entire torso/back or neck area, only limbs i think.

do you have any advice for a non-binary curious ultra-virgin/late bloomer with too many conditions for an ideal partner? should i just. try to think real hard about not thinking about getting misgendered and ignore any bad vibes/cbt/gaslight myself out of it??

or should i give up since i doubt that other extroverts who are experienced with no touch aversion issues and just looking to party/have a quick hook-up and have a good time would want to deal with introverted me and my picky-ness and gender/touch issues ruining their weekend/wasting their time?

(also i did kinda look into that surrogacy sex therapists/councilors that are apparently a thing now?? but they look like they're mostly in the cooler PNW/west coast areas. im stuck in plain boring uhh let's say think of ohio-pennsylvania-virginia tri-state area suburbs with limited car transportation. but i can get around the city by bus. its not even the cool east coast, its like mid-atlantic/midwest ugh. even some of those cuddle parties/councilors i had thought of for trying to lessen my touch-aversion are mostly west coast and texas for some reason?? my region is just too boring....)

(again sorry if this is a long ask! ^ ^ )

You should hire a sex worker!! When you're looking for something specific and you don't want to play the field it's a great great time to support your local sex workers and ask for exactly what you want. They'll treat you right. Try Tryst !

[graevs666]

i’ve noticed i get a lot of bottom dysphoria when i’m in situations i have to worry abt cis ppl, like swimming, hookups, going out in public in particular outfits, like bodysuits, tight shorts / trousers… itd b v obvious im trans if i wore those things around cis ppl and i already am visibly queer

i don’t want phallo and i have considered meta in the future , but it’s not something im tht bothered enough by and like ofc id love to have a biological dick but thts never gonna happen so I’ve had to accept what i have, and it’s bearable to live with these days bc my outfits usually hide that part anyway

around my queer friends or alone i just never rlly have to think abt hiding, i wear whatever i want bc i know they’d never judge, but when im outside i have to second guess everything bc im worried abt how ppl will view me and what can happen as a result and idk it defo triggers my body dysphoria

[paintingformike]

Bc, some people think those moments were meant to draw a contrast rather than a direct parallel.

People think that Will being in between Mike and El's scenes is not necessarily there to imply that Mike likes Will but rather is there to show Will's unrequited feelings, because Will was blurred whereas Robin was at the center of the scene where we watched her visibly being sad but Will was not sad, he was blurred in the background and when Mike and El have a forehead touch moment, he is entirely out of the picture.

Also, people do not exactly notice which music plays at which scenes. Only if they are interested in analyzing or searching, then they can find. Another example is, we know about the 'tender emotional music' because we focused on that and then made an analysis, but even then that wouldn't necessarily look like byler proof to the other parts of the audience, esp when that same music also plays for a melvin scene in one of the scenes where they talk.

It's also that Dan and Vickie broke up but Dan is just some random character, whereas El is a main character and we have been following Mike and El's relationship for seasons (that's how the audience thinks), and they gave Mike a huge monologue, whether or not we argue that it happened due to Will, it still happened. Even if Mike and El do not exactly talk, it does not look like a byler proof for some people but it rather looks like a casual relationship drama which will be resolved in S5 like Jonathan and Nancy's underaddressed situations.

I am saying this bc while I am a byler shipper and I think the narrative has a chance to make Byler fully canon, I also have many queer friends or in general friends who belong to GA, and I can also understand their points when they say that they do not see byler happening because majority of the proof that we have seem far-fetched, random or delusional to them.... or just not enough of proofs in general.

yes i literally just said i know people find it harder to believe in byler because main characters are involved in the love triangle whereas dan and vickie are side characters, and that’s as far as i’ll get their sentiments.

about all your other points, yeah i know that these are all reasons why people from the GA think most byler proofs are farfetched...but it doesnt mean their arguments are valid and understandable though lmao. the rovickie/byler parallels aren't even that hard to pick up on, and if it was only meant to contrast the two relationships then will being out of focus while robin isn’t wouldn’t be the ONLY thing different about their scenes cause everything else is pretty much identical to each other, mike and vickie even have similar conflicted expressions when they look at will and robin (and its ON THEM for not noticing that). also even if will is blurred out he still stands out the most cause he’s dead in the middle of mike and el’s faces and his figure immediately draws your attention (heck he was the first thing i noticed as a casual viewer while watching vol 2), which makes no sense for someone who’s supposed to be just “entirely out of the picture”...and about the monologue. something tells me its just double standards against a queer ship cause this isn’t exactly the first time a character seemingly professes their undying love for another character but still ends up with someone else 🤔

what im trying to say is yeah its true that they have all these reasons for not believing in byler endgame but at the end of the day...how am i just supposed to understand the points they have when they’re the ones who cant read into things that aren’t supposed to be very complicated when you have common sense, and i dont really think their thought process/reasonings are particularly strong anyway. also in this context...the rovickie/byler parallel is literally one of our least “random” byler proofs that just came out of thin air, its very much in your face so 😭 i guess i’d understand if you were talking about other more tiny background hints in relation to this topic but this one is pretty blatant...sorry for going into a tangent

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

My question is: should i select the “bisexual” option on tinder? I think that you can make it visible or not (I don’t even have a profile yet). If I do, I won’t probably make it visible because it makes me uncomfy.

The thing is that I haven’t been in a relationship yet (not even a FWB situation or a hookup) and I want my first experience of the sort to be with a man. I know that it’s a whim and that i’m limiting my options but that’s what I want at the moment. On the other hand, i’m really curious about women and how it’d be like to date and have sex with one (especially the latter) . If I could transport myself to a magical realm where nothing I do affects my real life i’d definitely try it, but i’m scared to because im afraid of how that actually would affect my life. Who would find out? Would my parents know somehow? My extended family? I know i’m being paranoid but I can’t help worrying about that sometimes.

I have come out as bi to some friends, but the truth is that i’m not really sure I actually am. I’m between bicurious and heteroflexible (which im aware its also bisexuality, but still). Should I choose the bisexual label once I create my profile or choose straight for the moment? (I’m also afraid that I look too straight for queer girls to like me but that’s another unrelated issue)

I never used tinder so I'm not sure about the options there. Is it possible to hide the label but still select which gender(s) you are interested in without having that be displayed?

But anyway... Do what you think you need to do to stay safe. If you think there's a reasonable chance someone you know could find your profile and see that you're bisexual and you do NOT want that then don't use the label there. And if you're looking for men anyway for now then go for "straight" if tinder forces you to display a label.

There's also apps specially for queer women. I guess the risk of someone finding you there whom you would not like to find you there are smaller?! Though obviously not zero. But if you want, you could use multiple apps for not - tinder for meeting men and something else for meeting women.

I'd also like to say that what you put in parenthesis is internalised biphobia. Sure, some queer people look a certain way but there's at least as many (if not more) that do not dress in a stereotypical queer way. Especially people who are closeted. But that does not mean that whatever you look like will automatically not appeal to queer women. Queer people are not a monolith. We like different styles and looks (for ourselves and for potential partners). You will most certainly be someone's type. No matter how "straight" (you think) you look! Think about how invisible bisexuality is and then consider how many people that you cross paths with in a day might actually be queer. You often cannot know from a single glance. Some of those straight-looking people might very well be bi or gay. So "looking straight" (whatever that even means) doesn't mean you're any less queer or that another queer person will not be attracted to you.

Maddie

[xoxo-ren-xoxo]

Queer Men in Children’s Cartoons

idk if ppl have talked about it before but like... while it is great- seriously amazing- that we are getting so much lgbt rep in kids cartoons, I cannot be the only one who feels like there is a lack of mlm relationships still? And this is absolutely not me trying to say there should be less wlw relationships, nor is it a attack on the creators of all these brilliant new kids cartoons! Because im sure it is not their fault / they are just writing from their own experiences (a lot of the creators of these shows are queer women/nb ppl) and the very small amount of rep we get is still great, and there should certainly be more.

More under the cut

I’ve noticed that in a lot of cases, if a character in a kids TV show is going to be queer, they will be a woman (bi, lesbian, etc), or nonbinary (usually coded as afab? at least what I’ve seen). Gay men tend to be background / supporting characters at best, in a lot of cases.

I did look this up because I thought maybe it is just because all the media I’ve personally seen has had majority female casts, or something, but no, it was consistently true in a study I found on the topic, as well.

Link to Study (there is a lot of other interesting info about disability in queer characters too in here!)

Here is what I could decipher from this article. First of all, it looks like I was wrong, and there are more mlm characters than wlw. Looking at this graph, it seems like there are marginally more gay characters than lesbian:

[ID: a graph showing the sexual orientation of animated kid’s characters. Briefly, there are 50 gay characters, 49 lesbian characters, 22 queer, 16 bisexual, 2 pansexual, 1 asexual. End ID]

However, I started to think that this may be because the large majority of gay male characters are placed in supporting roles. And yes, upon looking further, it seemed I was right:

[ID: a screenshot reading ‘Fourteen queer cisgender and trans women represented 56% of the main-character roles, while queer men (though no trans men) represented 36%. End ID]

That is a pretty big difference. Over half of the main characters were queer women, while queer men made up only 36%. Now, this is taken from a small sample size, since again, there is not much representation at all to begin with, and I must note that this only takes US animated kid’s shows into account.

Usually, less representation for men and more for women would be a non-issue, and it is very true that due to the limited amount of representation in general, these findings could even out in a few years. But if the trend does continue, it will be worrying, I think. We have to ask ourselves what the difference is between gay men and lesbians, that make lesbians more visible in children’s media. There is the obvious history of gay men being seen as predators to children, and the general oversexualisation of gay men (not that lesbians aren’t sexualised, but I think the male body is also seen as inherently more overtly sexual- actively sexual rather than passively- which makes men a ‘threat’ rather than a sexual object).

Shows featuring male main characters are also often hypermasculine, making it more ‘taboo’ to make a character queer, which could explain the male/female gap in queer main characters.

Of course, there are endless theories that could be made, but I am neither smart enough nor do I have the free time to go on forever about this. I guess it is just something to keep in mind and be critical of when consuming children’s cartoons, and will be something to keep an eye on in the future.

[flyingcookierambles]

i’m too cowardly to ask off-anon, but also like to keep record that it was me. im asking a certain someone this lol its 7:27 pm wed 7/12:

hi sorry if this is kinda ramble-y. im an 25+ introverted acearo who has never kissed or dated or "experimented" in high school/college cuz i was too focused on my grades and i think i'd would like to try sex once just see what all the fuss is about but i am also afab non-binary and i'm not "visibly trans" so i just get misgendered a lot as a "cis woman." would you have any advice on trying to not feel gender dysphoria when having sex? like, i feel like if i got flirted with by a cishet man or a cis lesbian woman, i feel like i would feel awkward and dysphoric like they are only attracted to me bc i look like a "woman" and also kinda bad like i am wasting their time. should i try to just put something in a dating/tinder/idk (dating app here) profile like "t4t" or my they/them pronouns or "ace4bi/pan" or "ace4other sex-favorable/curious aces" or a little trans flag emoji or something and hope people take the hint?

while i think i would prefer a 1-on-1 meeting for my first time, i also was worried about going to places like a total stranger's apartment/house/hotel alone and i had briefly thought about trying a public sauna since it did seem safer for the reasons that you gave to previous anon that there would be others around and security, but my city's gay baths is pretty. dinky? if google reviews of 2/5 stars are to be believed, it's kinda gone downhill since 2011 on facilities maintenance/showers/hot tub not working, etc., and is very pricey compared to other bigger cities' bathhouses. just generally disappointing i guess? and as an afab looking person, i think would only be allowed to go in on sundays which i think is their all genders day according to the website? but still, from my outward appearance, i was worried that i would get misgendered by any who approach me as a "girl" or get thought of as that stereotypical cishet girl invading gay bars/queer spaces, etc.

also, i dont like being touched on basically my entire torso/back or neck area, only limbs i think.

do you have any advice for a non-binary curious ultra-virgin/late bloomer with too many conditions for an ideal partner? should i just. try to think real hard about not thinking about getting misgendered and ignore any bad vibes/cbt/gaslight myself out of it??

or should i give up since i doubt that other extroverts who are experienced with no touch aversion issues and just looking to party/have a quick hook-up and have a good time would want to deal with introverted me and my picky-ness and gender/touch issues ruining their weekend/wasting their time?

(also i did kinda look into that surrogacy sex therapists/councilors that are apparently a thing now?? but they look like they're mostly in the cooler PNW/west coast areas. im stuck in plain boring uhh let's say think of ohio-pennsylvania-virginia tri-state area suburbs with limited car transportation. but i can get around the city by bus. its not even the cool east coast, its like mid-atlantic/midwest ugh. even some of those cuddle parties/councilors i had thought of for trying to lessen my touch-aversion are mostly west coast and texas for some reason?? my region is just too boring....)

(again sorry if this is a long ask! ^ ^ )

Edit: it got answered yay plus then a kind internet stranger gave advice a mini essay in the notes nice!

https://www.tumblr.com/drdemonprince/722689420814434304/hi-sorry-if-this-is-kinda-ramble-y-im-an-25?source=share

[seemeafterschool0000]

i so im talking to two girls at once

now dont go thinking im a fuck boi thats leading these girls on. SO, i was at a different school for an event i was chosen to be at due to high acheivment and, lemme tell you i was the most stylish bastard there. so sexy i got the attention of two girls at that school. The first; lets call her A, i met when i asked where the bathroom was. And i mean i did dodge some kid that was in front of me just to ask her, ( she seemed cool and i feel safer with visibly queer people). The second was the vocalist of the schools band, and i guess i happened to catch her eye cuz she asked my friend who studies there for my insta and so did the other girl. so im currently talking to both of the girls that know nothing of each other and i am quite in the moral predicament. what do i do, yall???????

[smugraccoon137]

Supergirl Season 2 episode 8 Medusa review part 2

If your curious part 1 was just my breakdown of Kara and Mon-els relationship that got way too long. But as always SPOILERS AND GAY THOUGHTS AHEAD

Me and kel get so excited when Lenas in an episode. Like practically giddy. I can’t help smiling when shes on screen honestly. And yes Katie McGrath is beautiful, but beyond that such a pretty smile and lovely voice. I’m sure ratings started to spike when she joined the cast. Okay enough about pretty girls on to the review 

Tipsy fucking Alex though guys I can’t get over this mess of a person. 

Alex: if I have to come out to my mom then I choose to do it drunk

Kara: no your not *yoinks beer*

Alex: wait no my coming out juice

Kara Danvers sneaky sneaker extraordinaire can totally interview Lena and find out Cadmus things without anyone knowing. The confidence this goofball has is top tier

Underrated relationship: Alex and Winn though. I really really love Winn and honestly Alex is such big sister energy to both him and Kara. 

wow Lenas pretty in the interview scene. A touch of auburn hair from the sunlight really makes this shot and we never get to see her with her hair down. Fan service honestly, or maybe she heard a certain beef cake reporter was gonna come by and wanted to dazzel her.

Lena: hair up is for business. Hair down is for flirting friendship time with Kara

Poor baby thinks she falls short nooooo. Your doing your best godamn your only like 25 jesus. Kara give her a hug she needs love and affection

Kara thinks shes being so sneaky in this interview. Such a golden retriever, bad at sneakin. As soon as she toes the line Lena catches on and kicks her out. Really good acting in the scene, the subtle change in expression to show Lenas guard raising. Good job Katie.

Real quick Lena why is your office so ugly? How do you keep it clean? You spend 99% of your days in this place and its whiter than a hospital room. I hate it. Why is your desk an oval? and why does it have a hole in it? Kara cant eat you out in secret anymore damn. 

OOHHHhhhh noooo the fucking gas bomb in the bar what the fuck. EVERYBODIES DEAD JESUS WHAT WAS THAT

Poor Mon-el. What happened at the bar was fucked up, and he feels like its fault when its obviously not.

Love that he and Kara are having bro time playing some Monopoly. Oh no not Kara asking if he likes her. Honestly thought these two had good chemistry in this scene. Im a sucker for dumbass not understanding certain words and phrases. So Kara having to reiterate her questions and finally being like “You don’t want to mate with me do you?” was super fun. Omegaverse vibes mfs. Although I am confused by mon-els reaction “I mean have you seen the kind of women I’ve been attracting?” I honestly don’t know what this means.

Kara internal reaction though: Oh thank god

Wow Kara really just has no regard for her own life, huh? she just opens the door and possibly contaminates herself. It’s good to want to help people, but love you gotta care about yourself too

Good reveal with the fortress of solitude. Oof Kara gonna feel like its her fault all those aliens died and mon-els sick. They do a really good job of showing Karas relationship with her parents through their holograms. She wants so badly to see them again, to talk to them. And she can, but not really. They just aren’t real.

Lena cattily to her mother: im used to celebrating holiday weekends alone at my desk

me to Kara: please invite her to thanksgiving

Okay so Lena being adopted is another interesting parallel to Kara. Also the fact that both Kara and Lena fall into there families shadows, and are left behhind or forgotten. Really interesting how Lena and Karas relationship is so similar to Clark and Lex’s for obvious purposes. Though the CW queer coding the fuck out of their relationship in Smallville really only adds to Supercorp fever. Its always been Homoerotic subtext Harold!

Me watching Lena and Lillian trade verbal blows: Wow ya’lls relationship is fucked up. Lex and Lionelle would spar and fence but you two are on another level jesus

oooooof that last line. 

Lena: I know your lying

Lillian: and how could you possibly know that?

Lena: because you told me you loved me. And we both know thats not true

Who wrote this jesus fuck my heart. The PAIN.

Bonus thought Lena thinks Karas smart. Goofball beefcake sneaky sneakster who doesnt know the difference between flirting and friendship is smart she thinks. I love these idiots

Wow Kara just doesn’t wait huh? Oh cadmus is going to be at LCorp? Not on my watch. Lena’s there. I know this because I tune into her heart beat just to check on her cus she likes to work late. Don’t worry Alex it’s for friendship reasons.

That LCorp security guard got princess carried for .2 seconds. Best moment of his life.

God its like dark out. Lenas working on a holiday weekend into the night. I hate this, give her friends.

Lena looks so scared when Kara gets thrown into the giant LCorp sign

And then hurt Kara looking up at her with dread.

Kara internal: fuck don’t come out now. I came here to save you

God I love the protectiveness. Its *chefs kiss*. Hank throwing the beam at Lena and Kara even in her hurt state throwing herself in front of it. Sometimes self sacrifice is gay. But how Lena looks at her after wards like “I can’t believe I’m alive. I can’t believe she chose to save me”. Met with a gruff “Get out of here!”. mm yes this is my kind of content. Fight for me.

I was robbed an aftercare scene but I doubt it will be the last time. (*COUGHS* the “im leaving” phone call *COUGHS*)

Talking about the virus Eliza: what about Lena Luthor?

Kara: What about her?! (super defensive is also a super power maam)

Winn: Luthors can be pretty good actors

Kara: No, I looked into LENAS EYES. She doesn’t know anything about cadmus or her mother

J’onzz: Would you stake Mon-els life on that?

well I guess that really puts Lena and Mon-el right next to each other in priorities huh? Which one is more important? 

Wow Lena totally has a crush on Supergirl after that. Flustered dork. 

Lena: *laughs nervously* you know that doors not really an entrance

Kara: *upsettit stone face pupper*

Lena: :,) 

Okay but the way Lena just says “Anything” all breathless and helpful when Kara says she needs her help. Shes crushin hard

Kara tells Lena her mother is in charge of Cadmus. 

Lena: >:(

Annnd the crush is dead. That did not last long. Really love that Lena has such a different relationship with Kara vs Supergirl though, good dynamic having her reactions so different. Which I believe actually relates as a Clark and Lois parallel? Seeing as how Lois has two separate relationships with Clark and Superman. 

OOf the way Lenas throat bobs with genuine sadness because who she thought Supergirl was is wrong. Shes just like the rest of them. Thinks Lena is just another crazy Luthor. It hurts

Kara: I know what its like to be disillusioned by our parents, but Im a pretty good judge of character, and you are not like your mother. She is cold and dangerous. And you are too good and too smart to follow in her path. Be your own Hero.

Wow just what a good line. They are capable of some things here and there arent they? Melissa's delivery on this is excellent. And the way Katie McGrath is able to show such depth of sadness and bitterness even from a shot of her BACK is really cool. Great acting in this scene in particular. And I can see why the “desperation to be good” is such a highlighted part of these two relationship. Its the one thing in common between Lena and Supergirl, the place where they can meet in the middle. And the way Lena looks after her as she leaves! AHHH thats the good shit, the pining

Okay big Mon-el scene in coming so if you dont want to hear my ranting skip over this part. 

Funny how as soon as Kara has this big impactful scene with Lena full of tension and emotion the writers were like: shit we almost forgot Mon-els dying. 

Kara: *staring sadly back into Lenas office kind of wanting to go back in*

Writers: *cough cough* KARA He’s DYINGGGG

Kara: Oh shit right. Mon-el Oh no. My *looks at poorly written handwriting on her palm* romantic interest?

Wow Mon-el looks like shit, poor guy. Someone swaddle this pillow princess and get him some soup.

Heres a question. Kara is visibly upset that Mon-el is dying. Is it because she’s sad that the guy shes likes is dying. Because her friend is dying? Because her father created the virus thats killing him (what the writers want us to think)? Or because no matter what Kara does the people she loves keep falling through the cracks and shes helpless to stop it?

Her parents. Clark. Her adoptive father. Now Lena. Now Mon-el. Why can’t she ever do anything? Why is it always her fault? This poor kid has some deep seeded abandonment issues

Mon-el: you know you look beautiful with the weight of all these worlds on your shoulders.

I do remember my reaction here, cus I thought this was a weird line. A line that was obviously meant to be romantic and complimentary, but it felt unsettled in my stomach. Coming back and watching the scene it sits even more uncomfortably there. He obviously means well, but this line is kind of just shitty. Its a very selfish and unthoughtful thing to say to someone. 

Kara’s entire fucking life has revolved around other people and making sure they are happy and taken care of. But having “failed” at such a young age to do the impossible things asked of her (carrying on Kryptons legacy, raising Clark) she overcompensates. Any normal person would just make their life revolve around their family and friends, not healthy but it works. But Kara feels responsibility over an entire world of lost people and lives. So the amount she overcompensates is ungodly. She does have the weight of worlds on her shoulders. This is not a joke or hyperbole. Its just her life. And thats so fucking shitty. And to have someone actually see that and acknowledge it. To make it a reality so to speak. Then to have them say “yeah you look good like this” while you’re a shaking Atlas being crushed. It is just a little too much isn’t it? That pain to have someone see you finally, and then completely miss the point. For them to go “oh wow your so strong. your so brave” instead of “let me help you. you shouldn’t have to do this at all, forget by yourself. But now I am here”. 

I imagine this was the scene that crowned my darling himbo boy Mon-Hell? Which is so unfortunate. I hope Im wrong, but I feel that his character might just end up a big missed opportunity

I want everyone to know that me and Kel screamed through the entire enxt few seconds of the scene. We knew the kiss was coming from how they were building it up. But god was it painful, especially for it to be delivered after a line like THAT. But yeah very loud angry screaming

Also not to be that bitch but Kara and Mon-els scene was a total of 1:53 RT, and Kara and Lenas ran at a 1:57 RT. Just sayin...

No Lena don’t be evil thats too sexy...

Okay but the way that Lena just tricks Lillian is so good. Shes so clever. And added bonus she makes her ask for her help, which is nice actually. Lillian's obvious vice is weakness and that is often shown in embarrassment. A woman like this asking for help borders that line of weakness and its nice to see on such a dislikable character. Lena didn’t just get what she wanted she got a point over her mother.

Lena looks good in the purple coat. Repeat she is pretty

Love the mental chess game between Lena and Lillian. Lena offering help right off the bat and giving her the isotope free of charge. And then Lillian making Lena launch the virus to prove herself. Good stuff.

Kara appears: don’t do it Lena!

Lena: why not? im a luthor

Okay so obviously Lena switched the Isotope and the Virus won’t work. But thats what makes this line so perfect. Throwing it back in Supergirls face. Like “Yeah, Im a luthor. And Ill show you what im capable of.” But instead of mass death and destruction Lena saves the day. She saved thousands of lives, and its because shes a Luthor that she was able to do that. Really nice way to full circle that 

Wow Lillian really just starts booking it without Lena, huh? bitch

I really love the scene of the virus falling all around National City. The choice of an orangish snow falling was a really really good one. Paired with some excellent music for the mid season finale.

Its sad but I do love Hank just being ready and at peace with death. Im sure he misses his wife and daughters. 

Okay but Lena calling the cops is tea. Send your mom to jail honey. 

So we’re really not gonna talk about how Lena saved everyones asses? Like don’t you think Supergirl would want to talk to the woman that A) kind of tricked her, and B) saved National City. Thats just what makes sense??? But no we’re going to ignore that the DEO is a kind of shit at their job sometimes. And that the woman that they were accusing of having a part to play in all the xenophobic shit is the one who did their job. BY HER SELF. 

Okay rant over. This was a long one review dear god. Really really good episode though. I enjoyed rewatching all the scenes even if it was a mixed bag of feelings. Thanks for reading hope you enjoyed all the screaming!

[uglyfruit]

sooo im experimentally growing out my hair. and as soon as it got long enough to grab onto i started pulling it . i rlly thot after having it shaved for so long i would lose that impulse but i guess no. so far i haven’t been pulling it out nearly as much as i used to but idk if that’ll change as it gets longer. im thinking maybe i can just grow it out and maybe i’ll pull it and i’ll just have to be ok w that. the other option is just keeping my head shaved and being ok w That. which i am for the most part i just wish i had longer hair sometimes. having a shaved makes me feel visibly queer/disabled which is good but also scary🪡🪡🪡🪡 anyway daydreaming abt hair folliclesssss

[the-faultofdaedalus]

i think its funny that even inside my head i tend to massively simplify the gender/sexuality of MANY of my ocs for convience’s sake (like listen i do fucking shorform inside my head as well because i KNOW the thought but i do not want to take the time to think it in words) but like,,,, i’ve been having Thoughts, you know?

so uhhhh case study of various ocs of mine and their “condensed” gender identities/sexualities vs what they Actually Are because hey! im having those kinds of thoughts (and yes im also thinking about my Own deal as well but we are doing that through the medium of fictional made up characters it’s Fine)

cutting here because uhhhh not everyone wants to see a long-ass post of rambly garbage about oc queer stuff even though i am really only doing the characters i find to have the most interesting bits w/ this, that i have thought out the most. i bet tally’s whole deal is super interesting! but i also have not developed them very much whereas i think about the others Fucking Constantly.

1. Kat: ace lesbian (cis)

like, ok that Works, for her, she’s cis, she’s definitely only ever been romantically attracted to woman (no not a typo she saw her gf/wife and decided That One and this has never changed) and ranges from “doesn’t give much of a shit abt sex but would attempt if partner so desired” to “ew”. likely lesbian demiromantic, definitely still ace.

she was assigned female at birth, mostly still presents as such, and goes by she/her pronouns. so like, cis. but ALSO she has little to no concept of what “gender” even is (the francaphoneness makes this Worse because everything apparently has a gender and it’s all apparently entirely arbitrary) and mostly just guesses and goes along with whatever people say. definitely gets “misgendered” (she doesn’t give a shit) on a fairly regular basis because she can and does still pass for a teenage boy well into adulthood. if she had grown up not largely isolated from most of human society? who knows. maybe she still would’ve just continued to present as and ID as female because it’s Easy and not harming her to do so. maybe the rigidity of the slowly disolving (thank god) gender binary would’ve made her feel trapped and she would’ve done something about it. i have no idea.

2. Lily: also a cis ace lesbian

yes but also no. for a WHILE (into her late teens) she IDs as aroace lesbian because she just,,,, does not have any romantic or sexual attraction to really anyone. she still fucks and has a lot of one-night-stands through uni (it’s fun, it feels good, she’s good at it, she likes being good at things, she’s also definitely some form of ADHD and is almost constantly both over and understimulated and is constantly seeking novel and interesting sensations and sex (especially w/ kink) has a READY supply of those) mostly all with women or NP people and maybe even a dude or two because Science and Curiosity before she decides that actually, no thanks. eventually after meetng endgame GF realizes that she might, in fact, actually be demi (because ohhhhh That’s what a crush feels like) and then mostly sticks w/ that for a while

gender is uhhhhh well she’s definitely involved enough with human society to have Thought about this and to have like, context for gender n shit and has generally decided on “a woman, but like, very gay about it” and is fine with that. BUT she also... doesn’t really have that much emotion about gender and how it applies to her specifically, and for... a good couple years at the beginning of her superhero career gives out zero pronouns for her Changeling (her alter ego) and has her team to do the same. most people end up going with he/him for Changeling bc wooooooo misogyny (robot-looking fucker doesn’t have visible tits? clearly a man) but some go with they/them, or she/her, or even it/its. Lily doesn’t care at all and keeps a careful tally of all the pronouns that are used for Science. there’s multiple reasons for playing it this way, partially to refuse to narrow down her secret identity at all, partially for the data, and partially to fuck with people, but.... maybe just to see what it’s like, yknow?

also she goes by almost exclusively male pronouns for a year and a half when she’s 29/30 because she has to fake her death and steal the identity of her murderer but that’s more like,,,,,, disguised as a man trope as opposed to actual gender fuckery but like at some point we’ll have to unpack Why i have So Goddamn Many of my characters Do This, and specifically have lily go by alt identities with different pronouns all the goddamn time.

(all she’s sure of is that she’s fine being a woman, and also that she’s definitely doesn’t have the same feelings re: gender that Tally, her nonbinary teammate, does. doesn’t mean she’s not not cis! but like. listen she’s dealing with enough.)

3. Ve: triple A baeby (aroace agender)

no because Ve is an alien bug and everything is more complicated than that SOOOOOOO. ok. aro? check. no romantic attraction, but that’s not queer in terms of her species because that IS the norm that IS the centre. ace? check, but same as above. no sexual attraction is normal. Technically, Ve isn’t even sexually mature because she’s never moulted into a drone, AND she (and all other workers) are haploid and so don’t even really have sex organs/produce gametes. it’s really more like spores? since it’s just mitosis to produce the gametes that then get sprinkled like icing sugar onto the eggs the queens produce. sexual reproduction HAPPENS but it’s entirely external, and yy’vae as a whole have never really developed any form of.... mating behaviour or model for sexual attraction. not to say that yy’vae CAN’T develop those feelings, because who am i to say, but the vast vast majority do not. really any sexual “attraction” that yy’vae ever feel is more repulsion because there’s in-built anti-inbreeding functions when they moult into drones, but the way it works is like,,, still just through their pheromone senses which is used for All communication w/ others of their species so like. not really.

gender-wise, uh, yeah they’re alien bugs. technically there are two to three sexes, depending on how you look at it (diploid egg-laying queens, haploid sterile workers, and fertile spore-producing drones (which are just a different moult stage of workers)) and the gender/pronoun system IS based on that but also not really because it’s also based on the function an individual serves in society. there’s behaviours that only queens or only workers or only drones take part in, there’s roles that only one gender can fill, ect ect. it’s a biological caste system but with a sapient species it’s GONNA be weird. most yy’vae go by she/her or they/them pronouns if they have to use human/english pronouns (queens tend to favour she/her, workers tend to favour they/them, drones tend to keep whatever human pronoun they went by before moulting, mostly they just kinda go with it) and ve personally mostly goes by she/they (i am using she/her in this for Consistency). again! that’s the norm! that’s the centre! in a societal sense, she isn’t queer at all.

but then, she is also somewhat outside of the normal caste structure because she’s queenless, in a society where connection to your queen/leader/mother is a Big part of the social structure (which ties heavily into gender!!!!!). To the point that she has to take meds to prevent herself from involuntarily moulting into a drone because she can’t prevent that the “natural”/”normal” way, which is routine semi-ritual groomings by a closely related queen to exchange pheromones and solidify that You Are A Worker In This Colony (and therefor do not have to moult and fly off to pollinate some other queen’s eggs)

And what’s more, when she meets her queen, she does not fall into that social structure, either. Specifically, when Ve meets her mother queen for the first time, and finds out who she is, Ve explicitly does not submit to the normal queen/child grooming pheromone exchange, and instead, actually postures at that queen. which is a thing only queens should ever do at eachother. which is a thing that workers should not even Do (some workers will mimic it at eachother to establish who will take a leadership position, but it doesn’t really like. Do anything functionally)

so, in that case, as a queenless worker who preformed queen-like behaviour and disobeyed her queen, she’s definitely queer as in “fuck you”

[the-queer-look]

Couple Theory

Name: Lucy Age: 24 Location: Glebe Occupation: Bush Regenerator Sexual Orientation: Lesbian Gender: Female

Name: Aisling Age: 21 Location: Glebe Occupation: Customer Service Sexual Orientation: Queer Gender: Female

Lucy – I feel like I’m still figuring out how I’m comfortable presenting because I didn’t come out till I was twenty, which was quite a time after I realised I was gay at sixteen. When I moved to Sydney I really wanted to show people that I was queer, and with much of my influence being from the internet, I wore a lot of the stereotypical lesbian clothing I saw on there – mostly sporty sorts of clothing – but as I’ve gone through, whenever I find something that I don’t hate myself in I wear it over and over again until something new comes along. Recently I’ve been vibing with the look of boots, singlet tops, and making my tattoos very visible. I make myself look somewhat unapproachable with my resting face being a frown, and my outfits being if not aggressive, then non-welcoming, but if people do actually come up to me I really want people to like me, so it all falls away.

Aisling – My daily presentation is just the easy T-shirts and jeans, lots of bouldering merch, maybe a button up if I’m being a little fancy, just a classic chapstick lesbian.

Lucy – Where did your inspo for that come from?

Aisling – What? Jeans and a shirt? Does that need inspiration? I guess I tuck my shirt in to make sure its queer? I have a lot of Vans, and a milk crate full of socks I guess. I used to save up money when I was in high school to put towards my first pair of Vans and I was so excited. I think I have twenty pairs now? Lots of converse, runners, and climbing shoes as well. Colourful socks and shoes are my thing I guess.

Lucy – I remember I was sixteen when I realised I liked girls, but I don’t know what triggered it. I think it was something on TV? I think it was an NCIS episode and they had a really awful portrayal of lesbians, who were identified as gay because at the end of the episode they held hands, and that triggered some kind of twinge in my chest that I’d never felt before.

Ailing – That was your gay bone

Lucy – My gay bone?

K – Yeah, your sternum is your gay bone

Ailing – I’ve torn that twice from being too gay

K – you need to remember to stretch before going out and being gay all night.

Lucy – It was a really weird feeling, I didn’t know what it was. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, so I went and found out about the episode, and it was of course one of those “oh no homosexuals are evil” sorts of plots. I think that negative portrayal contributed to my negative feelings about being gay, and being so scared to come out. I don’t know where else that would have come from because my parents never expressed any opinion about homosexuality. Those feelings were confirmed when I had my first crush on a girl in my school. I was nauseous more than anything when I realised it, and I just ignored that feeling for years which isn’t healthy. What helped me overcome it though, as I’m sure helped a lot of people from small towns with not much queer representation was the internet, and YouTubers, The Legend of Korra, and Tumblr. (The ending of Legend of Korra) was ust so beautiful, and so revolutionary as well. I remember seeing the ship of Korra and Asami come up on my tumblr, but it was years before the end fo the show, when it actually happened. I remember watching it on a family holiday trip and had to leave the dining table and I was shaking and crying because it was such a huge, beautiful moment that was probably one of the most significant moments of accepting myself. Looking back I definitely associate that final image of them holding hands before going to the spirit world together with my final stage of accepting who I am.

Moving to Sydney was my time to finally come out and explore. I came out to one of my Canadian exchange friends who was here, and they took me to Birdcage (lesbian nightclub in Sydney) where I met some of my friends. My first time in a queer club was like being surrounded by a family who I felt like I knew even though I hadn’t met any of them. That was also the year that the marriage equality vote was passed, So I took that opportunity to find out what my parents thought about homosexuality by asking them what they were voting for. They both said they were voting yes, which made me feel comfortable enough to come out to them the next week.

I’m still learning what are the most appropriate ways to describe myself and my relationship with myself, and how to present myself to the world. The more I learn, the more I will change the way I present myself, and there is a lot more of myself to explore.

Aisling – I think I was around thirteen or fourteen when I saw the show “faking it” - a show about a girl in high school figuring out her sexuality – and I just noticed that I was relating to every situation that the character was going through, and suddenly realised I was questioning my sexuality. I mentioned it to one of my friends that I used to walk to school with, and she would just keep egging me on with “come on just say it, just say you’re gay its fine”. I came out to her as bi at one stage, but I didn’t like that term, I didn’t like the term lesbian either, and still don’t, I prefer to think of myself as queer, or just gay.

When I actually came out two or so years later, I remember telling my close friend group that I was bi… and then later that week just said “nah I’m gay actually”. It was about 7:30pm, on a Wednesday night, after basketball, in the shower talking to myself saying “im gonna do this, im gonna do this”. Just me and my dad home, I psyched myself up for ages and then walked in and out of the kitchen about five times before going “Dad, I have something to tell you” sweating bullets “Dad, I’m gay la di da.”

Lucy – La di da?

Aisling – yes, Father, it’s la di da for me I’m afraid

Lucy – please put my sexuality down as la di da

Aisling – The first thing he said to me was “yeah I always thought you had a bigger obsession with the female tennis players than the men.” and yeah damn he had me there. I hate that I remember the day and everything… like the first of September 2016?

I moved out from my mum to my dad’s mostly because my mum’s partner at the time was very homophobic, and any dinner conversation would turn to him deriding gay marriage, or coming out with some racist shit. Eventually I decided “this bothers me too much, I’m going to have to say something” and it was… really upsetting when he didn’t agree. So of course I came out to my dad first and made him tell mum, which was then an interesting conversation…

“Your father tells me you’ve told him you’re gay?”

“yep, that’s it”

She contacted my school supervisor that night and told all of my teachers to look out for any homophobic acts towards me, letting them know that I was gay and to look out for me.

Lucy – I feel like together we tick a lot of stereotypes

Aisling – We really do

Lucy – We moved in together really quickly

Aisling – We own a cat together

Lucy – Theres that Subaru…

Aisling – I also had a lot of influence from those same queer YouTubers, and seeing their coming out videos and how free they felt afterwards made me really want to share it.

Immediately after I came out everyone at school was very supportive, like they already knew and assumed I was gay because I was just that sporty chick, so being gay just sorta went with it?

Lucy – I think I looked for validation from my parents. When I came out to mum there was no huge deal made about it, butI think validation from them comes in small snippets. Every time mum sends me something, like recently she arranged her coloured chopping boards into a rainbow and sent me a picture with “these are for you!” it’s very small, but its very significant. When I had a really big hickey on my neck, my dad said

“oh who gave you that on your neck? Does he sleep in a coffin?”

“it was a she actually”

“oh does she sleep in a coffin then?”

he just wanted to channel it into a dad joke, but it was a weird way to come out to him actually.

Aisling – To me the term Queer means “everyone included” even just an ally of the community, or a parent of an LGBT person doing your best to make them feel safe and welcome, you’re welcome in the community you know? By properly supporting something, you become a part of it.

Lucy – For me it’s very similar with those lines of community and family. It can be a label, but I feel that its evolving more into a term that indicates embracing all people. I use it sometimes to refer to a collective group of… well queer people. I refer to my close friends as my queer family.

Aisling – It feels better to use than assuming someone’s sexuality or gender without knowing the specifics.

Lucy – Individually I wouldn’t refer to any of my friends as queer. I know one friend refers to himself specifically as a bisexual, man, rather than a queer person. So I definitely like its a more family, community term, rather than a specific label, though It can still be used as one.

Aisling – I like the term because when I first came out I identified as bi, then gay, then bi, then gay, than they? And it feels more appropriate to use for myself because I’m still working it out, and it can cover a lot. For example I don’t think of myself as completely feminine, but I also don’t like the term non-binary to refer to myself, but the idea of “They” still, rather than just being she/her, I like the idea of she/they. And referring to myself as queer feels more of an accurate description.

Lucy – Ever since moving to Sydney and coming out and going to that first club night I’ve always thrown myself into as many queer events as I possibly could. I want to be able to contribute more to the community rather than just be involved in it, a lot of my friends are very engaged in the queer community, and I feel like I don’t have that level of involvement. I love that I’m never scared or intimidated to go to queer events, by myself or with my friends. Whilst I feel very connected to the queer community, I wish I could be more involved. I’m scared that since my friend group is all finishing university and looking to the future, that I’ll lose that sense of connection as everyone moves away, even though I’m sure we’ll all stay in touch.

Aisling – I feel little to no involvement in the queer community at the moment because I’m focusing so hard on my training. I’m involved with Queer Climbers Sydney though, and am looking to get more involved in the future, as soon as I have the time to do stuff.

Lucy – Challenges facing the queer community here isn Sydney… I feel like we need to create a wider variety of safer spaces in more areas. There’re certain areas of Sydney where queer people I know just don’t feel as comfortable. And the ones we do have are always pubs and clubs. Not to detract from queer nightlife; but having so much of queer culture based around adult only areas reinforces the idea that being gay, or trans, or whatever is an adult thing, and makes it easier for people to excuse restricting education about it to kids, which can be so harmful growing up and not having the education to understand yourself.

Aisling – I feel like theres more acceptance towards gay, lesbian, and bi people. But there’s less of an acceptance of trans people, like they can understand being gay, but they cant seem to understand what a trans person even is, much less how to approach them. Probably need more education about it in schools. More comprehensive sex ed instead of just how to put a condom on a fucking banana.

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[wickymicky]

ive been feeling lately that im not sure i’ll ever transition. like idk if i’ll ever come out publicly. i dont want to. im certainly not ready for that now, and like partly because i still dont know what id even necessarily come out as. and its okay if i dont know, but obviously people are gonna ask. not everyone will think it’s okay if i don’t know, lol. and like.... idk. my friends will know. i’ll be me online, like here on this blog. but i’m not sure i’ll ever transition publicly. my sister is trans and is transitioning, on hormones, wearing clothes that express her gender better, that she never used to wear before, so she’s making a lot of changes and becoming happier for it. and going by her new name publicly now, which previously she wasn’t, i was one of the only people who knew it. but i can tell that that’s not me. 

whether i’m a girl or like none binary with left girl... either way... a transition for me wouldnt really involve changes to my physical appearance, except i guess taking hormones and shaving my face all the time instead of lazily letting my facial hair grow out even though i hate it and i think it looks and feels bad to have. but like... i wouldnt grow my hair out... i had long hair when i was in high school, longer than plenty of cis girls i was friends with haha. and eh, been there done that. no thanks. i dont wanna change how i dress because tbh i dress like... nothing. like really plain. the plainest things. and i wouldnt change that lol, i dont care. that’s a personality thing, not a gender thing. if i was born a cis girl, i feel like i would look exactly like i do now, dressing the same and with the same haircut. and on a cis girl, that might be very visibly queer haha, but.. i’m not a cis girl. so i dont even know what a transition would like... be. hormones i guess, but tbh i dont feel like they’d do a lot for me. 

testosterone makes afab people change in very noticeable ways, sometimes very fast, they start growing facial hair, building muscle differently, and their voices change. estrogen wouldnt change my voice, alter my overall shape all that much, or make facial hair stop growing. id get boobs i guess, but like, shrug, if that’s the only thing i would be doing it for, then it’s probably not what’s right for me. estrogen does make a lot of trans women feel a lot better about themselves and im not knocking that lol, i’m just talking about how this all pertains to me. top surgery for trans guys is relatively simple, they have a thing that they dont want and it can be removed relatively easily. i know it’s not actually easy, it’s expensive and hard to get and there’s always gonna be risk involved with stuff like that, but like compared to trans surgeries involving genitals, it’s a relatively simple one right? i think most trans guys who have top surgery dont necessarily have bottom surgery in any way, but just that first one, top surgery, makes such a noticeable visible difference and is a great weight off their shoulders, pun intended. im not interested in bottom surgery either, like, i mean im not wild about my thing, but im not interested in doing anything with that. but i dont have anything to chop off above my waist lmao, only things i think it would be neat if i had, haha. so basically what im saying is.... the list of changes i would even make to my physical appearance is like.... actually really small. and not because i love myself and am content with everything, cause im not. sigh. i just wish i had been born as a cis girl from birth. testosterone is too powerful and i wish it never ran amok through my body lmao, cause like i cant really undo all the stuff it did, not easily anyway. and the ways that we can undo those changes... arent things that i would be comfortable with. so im just left.... uncomfortable. that’s why trans guys transition so drastically... testosterone really fucks you up hahaha

hmmm. idk. i feel like the only thing a transition would really entail for me, at this stage in my life, is just people calling me Gwen in person. and using they/them or she/her, i guess. but i dont think i’m ready for that. that thought scares me. ive heard it sometimes in person, via my boyfriend (who is also trans, and transitioned before we started dating), and that can be nice, but i dont think im ready for my family or strangers to call me Gwen. i like it online because none of you know what i look like. i can be myself because none of you have preconceived notions about me... all you know is what you see when i say things online, which is great. in person though, im not sure im ready to handle the judgment and confused looks and suffer through every time someone goes “Wi- uh, i mean Gwen” like my mom still does with my sister. she’s trying, but she calls her her deadname like 50% of the time or more, and like i just.... idk. obviously she calls me my birthname too, because she doesnt even know my new name, but the fact that she doesnt know it means that it doesnt really bother me when she calls me my birthname. if she knew it, and said my deadname, even by accident, it would just be like... idk... a whole thing.... you know? i wouldnt correct her necessarily, not all the time anyway, but she might correct herself and idk that just seems like something i would feel really awkward experiencing, i dont think im ready for all that. especially cause like... and this is the big reason..................................... i dont feel like Gwen. not physically, anyway. i feel like Gwen when i’m online cause i can just *be* Gwen, but physically... if im in my room, by myself, it’s fine, but when i’m around people i *really* don’t feel like Gwen. because i havent transitioned i guess, but like... idk. i just really dont wanna draw too much attention to myself. i talk a lot on here, but i’m an anxious person, i’m shy, i’m very introverted, etc. 

idk, i think i had more to say, but this is just kind of a ramble, and i lost my train of thought. i think im done for now lol. i’m just venting. you dont need to message me and console me or anything, i’m not doing bad right now, i’m doing fine. i’m just thinking out loud. but im not distraught or whatever, dont worry haha. and this isnt stuff that it like hurt to admit... cause its stuff ive been thinking about for a long long time haha. so yeah dont worry, im okay. im just posting this because it helps to get thoughts out of your head, you know?