#not that id call it heartbreak but it was the end of my long term toxic messy on and off relationship that id been in for years. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

allandoflimbo · 3 years

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Ashens (Part 22)

Summary: She falls in love with Bucky Barnes from the moment she sees him. Bucky, still in love with a woman from his past, hates Y/N and plans to make her life miserable. To both their dismay, they are assigned together to go undercover into The Capitol for six months. There, they develop a heartbreaking friend with benefits agreement. Dystopian.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Chapter Word Count: 3,600

Rating: M for Mature, E for explicit. Enemies to lovers trope, sharing a bed trope, friends with benefits trope, temporarily unrequited love, heavy and angry sex, heavy on the angst, and very strong language.

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He’s been gone all morning. You don’t know where he went and you didn’t ask before he left. Whatever it was, you weren’t too concerned, anyway. It was about time you two had some space. It helped clear your mind and helped you move on. You were moving on.

There was another reason you were thankful he had left for the morning. You could feel the chills run up the sides of your arms, goosebumps appearing where your skin was once smooth.

You eyed the closet doors curiously. It was almost eerie how quiet it was around you. You dropped your eyes for only a moment before raising them up again.

You had to do this. You were going to do this.

You finally gather the balls to do something you’ve been wanting to for some time now. It had been eating away at you like mad.

Once in front of the closet, you crouch down. You raise your left hand slowly roll the doors open, your eyes immediately dart down to the little black box on the ground. Exactly where he’d left it.

Part of you was happy that it remained untouched.

Per Steve’s orders, you had both buried any of your weaponry about a mile before reaching the wall nearly three months ago. You weren’t supposed to be bring any inside with you. It was forbidden.

It had shocked you when you and Bucky had been arguing about going after Ashen and he had pulled out a G19, angrily strapping it onto his leg to prove a point. He obviously snuck it in. At the time, you hadn’t really given it much thought. You were more shocked that he ignored his best friend’s request.

Now, it concerned you for different reasons.

You sat criss cross in front of the box, staring at it for a few more long seconds. Taking in a deep breath, you opened it. It opened with a small click.

There it was.

Matte black. Subtle but deadly.

You eyed the gun like it was a ticking bomb. You’ve never held a fire arm before, but that wasn’t necessarily why you were nervous. You were nervous to know why the hell he had it stacked away in your bedroom when you knew he didn’t even have the intention of killing anyone on this mission. He made sure to make you aware of this, many times.

You also knew it wasn’t to be used on you. There was no way.

The only other plausible reason he had it, kept you on edge.

You didn’t want your thoughts going there.

You reached slowly for the gun until you felt it lay heavy in your right hand. It was heavier than it looked. It felt deadlier than it looked.

You swallowed thickly, allowing yourself to think the worst.

Was he going to use this on himself?

You suddenly wanted it as far away from you as possible.

Your hand trembled slightly as you put it back in its place, letting your fingers linger on the ridges for just a moment.

You let out a long breath realizing.

When you had eyed the closet, you didn’t really think it through.

What were you going to do once you had it in your hands? Were you going to get the gun and hide it? Were you just curious? Was there something about it that secretly terrified you and you weren’t going to believe you really saw him hold it until you held it yourself?

You shake your head, pushing the box back into its original place. You were over exaggerating.

He probably just brought it in case you both needed it for self protection.

You looked over at your black back pack right next to it and pulled it out.

You fished inside, looking at different things you forgot you still had. You had your grey sweater, scarf, and beat up boots at the bottom. It smelled dusty.

You stuck your hand into the front pocket of the backpack, pulling out a note. It wasn’t your first time reading it, but you need the gentle reminder.

Thank you again for doing this. Thank you for helping me out and for agreeing to our plan to help Bucky be happy again. We can do this together. That plan, to me, is the most important thing right now. Thank you for doing whatever it takes to mentally convince him he deserves happiness. What you’re doing means the world to me, y/n. See you both again very soon. I’ll make it up to you. I promise.

Steve

You felt small tears in your eyes at your promise. If only he knew how it wasn’t so easy. You closed your eyes tightly together, took a deep breath, and placed the note onto your chest.

I’ll keep trying.

+ +

You didn’t understand these jobs that came with your ID. You didn’t understand most of what you were being told to do, but you did it anyway.

At the end of the day, your number one plan was to still kill Ashen. So you went through with what Bucky ordered you to do until it was time.

Your first day at the tower started off better than how you thought it would. Mr. Hyde was a old gentleman in his late 50s. He had short white hair and a nicely trimmed white beard to compliment it. He knew you were learning and that this would be your first time working up to a secretary job, so he started you off with small assistant duties like transporting paper work around the building, scheduling, and grabbing anything personal he may need here and there.

The best part was when he gave you a tour of the building, the whole reason you even were excited about it. Maybe this was why this was written into the mission.

He explained to you what each floor was but never took you past floor 15. You eyed the buttons on the elevator suspiciously.

He said that wasn’t their area and that “we didn’t need to worry about it”. You needed a special code to access those floors anyway.

You quickly made a connection. You wondered how Bucky had gotten in the other day.

The atmosphere in the elevator went cold when you stopped somewhere on the seventh floor and a man dressed in black and gold walked in. It was a fitted suit, expensive looking, and he had a cold look in his eyes. You swallowed thickly, looking away from him. You pulled your scarf tighter around your neck, trying to conceal your tattoo as much as you could.

Something about this man was off.

You heard the term Coroner a lot when you worked serving drinks. They weren’t the coroner most people knew, they were cop meets bounty hunter.

There was just something about them that left you uneasy. He stood in front of you and you felt yourself shuffle back a few inches. You looked over at Mr. Hyde and he gave you a small smile.

You smiled back.

+ +

It wasn’t until your fourth day at the building when things finally took a turn.

Bucky was going to meet you at a stairwell for floor eleven. He was going to trace Silas down once and for all. The night after the ball, Bucky was went traced them down to see where they would take the new import. According to what he overheard, there had been some complications and it wouldn’t be administered until today.

You got up from your seat, pretending you were just looking for the restroom, when you turned down the narrow hallway and went for the door that led into the stairwell.

You had three floors to climb up to meet him.

You were on the ninth floor when you turned the corner of the stairs and your heart nearly jumped up into your throat.

His face, his hair, his eyes, and his damn voice.

It all hit you at once and you turned back the direction you came from, leaning back against the steal rods. You put a hand up to your head as you felt dizzy. You could feel your heart beating away like crazy and you felt that anger you harbored down for so long.

It was him. The face from the diner and the face of the man that killed your mom and dad.

Ashen.

And he was with another woman.

“He’s our child and he’s dying!” The woman shouted. You could hear the tears in her voice.

“I know but there’s not much else I can do,” the voice. It was deep and violent. You hated it. You hated him, “He woke up this morning, cured! Without us even giving him the dose of the chemical. It’s obvious his plasma contains some kind of fending off mechanism. It took years, but he obviously survived it and no longer has it.”

You took a deep breath as you processed what you were hearing.

Had the little boy been infected with the virus, but now was doing well?

“And?” The woman insisted.

“And?” An evil laugh came from within Ashen’s chest, “We need all his blood, goddamn it! We need it distributed to our men if we want our side to stay strong once we go out there!”

“You can’t possibly still think—“

“It’s our world —“

“But we are safe here. Our son is safe here!”

“You didn’t think we’d all stay stuck in here for all eternity, did you? Hydra and Sword is to control the world, not the city. These walls kept us safe long enough and our son is well now, and we might have the cure in our hands. It’s all we need to conquer.”

You could hear sniffling.

“You can’t kill our son.” The woman begged.

“No,” he said slowly, “Not yet at least. We need trial periods.”

“Ashen, please-“

“I sacrificed everything for him!” A shriek followed by a gruntled groan came from the woman and you wondered what he was doing to her, “I cut the plan short, of us taking the capitol, because of him! I was minding my own business that night before I got the call. I took the risks, I found the refuge, I found the goods, and I called an initiative, and now look at us, we’re all safe. And our son just also happens to be the possible cure for all of this. If Hydra completing this mission requires my son’s life, so be it.”

“I won’t let you hurt him! I won’t let you pick at him with needles and knives. He is my baby boy!”

“Was, honey, was.” You could hear a loud smack, “And after him, you’re next.”

“What?”

“Now let’s get back in there and congratulate him.”

You could still feel your heart beating away inside of your ears as you heard the shuffling of their feet, followed by the closing of a door.

This was way too much information for you to process. This was too much for you. Suddenly, you cursed Bucky for making you work intel. Intel was the worst part.

You knew this information and now you had to tell him without freaking out, or worst, freaking him out.

It didn’t take much longer for a familiar face to turn the corner of the stairwell.

His blue eyes met yours over his scarf.

“What the hell are you doing here, I said eleventh —-“ his voice faltered as he watched your stricken face. His own eyes fell and he raised a hand to the back of your head and caressed it softly, “Hey, hey, it’s okay. What’s going on?”

“I—“ you whimpered out. Bucky hushed you as he leaned his forehead against yours. He closed his eyes tightly together, “I—he—“

“Breathe. Breathe. Breath for me.”

You took in a deep breath and controlled your breathing.

When you opened your eyes he was staring straight down at you.

“I saw him.” Bucky’s eyes darted over your face, knowing exactly what you were talking about. Who you were talking about, “I saw him.” You repeat again. He nods, “I can’t stay here, Bucky. Not when he’s here. He killed mom and dad, Bucky.” You whimpered into a cry.

“Hey, shhhh,” he brought his hand to your jaw and ran his thumb there gently, “shhh. I’m sorry,” he straightens his head up over yours and places a kiss on the top of your head, “I’m sorry you saw him.”

You ran your hands up his chest and softly pushed him away from you. Bucky’s face fell, along with his hands at his sides. You looked away from him, running the back of your sweater-clothed hand underneath your nose.

You needed to create distance. You and him, whatever it was, was no more.

“I overheard them.”

“Them?”

You sighed, running a hand through your hair.

“Yes, them. Him and what I can only imagine is maybe his wife? I don’t know, it was another woman. The little boy’s mother.”

Bucky took a deep breath.

“Okay, and what did they say?”

“He’s going to kill him. He can potentially save us, save all of us, but instead he’s going to kill him, I—I—“ you were freaking out as your ran both hands down your face.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“The boy!” You shouted quietly, pointing to the direction where the stairs continued. “Ashen is after the boy. He’s going to kill the mom and he’s after the boy, too.”

“What? Why? Why is he after his own son?”

You took a deep breath and met Bucky’s gaze again. His jaw was tight and he looked apprehensive.

“They think the cure is in his plasma.” You say slowly and carefully, knowing how much weight the words held.

“The cure?”

“For the virus. The boy’s blood.”

Bucky let out a long breath, running a hand through his own hair now and pulling on it.

“And why does he want the child dead? Does he not want the cure?”

“No, no he does.”

“What? He wants it just for himself?” You whined as you looked away again, “Y/N, you came on this mission for this reason. It’s for you to give me the important information you have right at this moment. Tell me, why does he want the boy dead?”

“He says he wants to make enough just for Hydra and Sword,” Bucky’s face went pale, “I’m assuming it’s because he doesn’t want anyone else after that having access to it. He kills the boy, no more cure for anyone else.”

“That,” his tongue clicks, “That’s absurd. Hydra wants to recruit more bad, not kill off the remaining race. It defeats the purpose of world domination.”

“I think they have a change of plans. They said they want to control the rest of the world.”

“With a raging virus? How is that even possible?”

“I don’t know. That was all he said before I heard him choking his wife. I don’t know what they plan to do after they go out there, protected. I don’t know.”

“And in that vile? What was in the vile?”

“I don’t know, a trial drug. But nothing as good as the boy’s blood.”

Bucky lets out a long breath as he walks back and forth, clearly stressed and overwhelmed. You watched him, intrigued. You’ve never seen him worry like this before.

“Shit, shit, shit.” he mumbles under his breath, “What do we do? What do we do.”

You stare down at his feet as they continue to move across the floor.

“I think it’s obvious what we need to do.”

“What?”

“We need to take him.” You say seriously, looking Bucky dead in the eye.

“We need to take him.” He says back.

“We can’t let Hydra have access to the cure and let the rest of the world burn and we can’t get him get killed.” You place a hand on Bucky’s arm to stop him and he looks up at you. You could practically see the emotions in his eyes, “He’s just a little boy.”

“Unfortunately, I can’t just go in there and take the kid. I can’t just kidnap someone’s child.”

“Why not?” You ask simply.

Bucky lets out a scoff.

“What?”

“Bucky look at the stakes here. He wants him killed, he’ll build an army to dictate the rest of the world. Bucky we have no other option. This is the end of the world. There is no time for common courtesy.”

“Okay. Okay, just relax. We need to plan this through, okay? So far us two and his parents are the only ones who know about him right?”

“I mean his doctor probably knows too and also the scientist he’s working with. The man who probably sent in those viles.”

“Those viles can be good too, right? We need to take those, too. At least a few. There has to be a reason they brought them in. Maybe they aren’t timely useless. Trial drug or not.”

“So we take the boy, now—”

“We can’t, y/n.” Bucky says strictly. You don’t expect his hand to cup your cheek again. It takes your breath away. Why was he behaving this way? “He said he’ll wait anyway. They probably need to run tests first. We still have two and a half months left in here. If we take him now, they’ll notice he’s gone, and Hydra’s already suspecting there’s intruders inside the wall. It’s too risky. We need to wait,” he runs his hand over your chin and tilts his head slowly to the side. A pained look is in his eyes, “I know you want to, and I want to, too, but we need to do this carefully.”

“So what do you suggest?” Your voice comes out rough.

“I don’t know, maybe we can keep an eye on him or something.” He says. “His father works here, maybe you’ll see him around. Warm up to him. Make sure he’s safe.”

“Ashen knows what I look like.”

Bucky nods.

“I know that. Maybe there’s something we can do. Maybe I can find where he stays in the building. I’ll figure something out. And you’ll be safe, I promise. He won’t see you.”

You believe Bucky’s words and you nod.

“Okay.”

“What do you think? Should we risk him seeing me?” He says with a small smile on his face.

You look at him incredulously.

“Are you dumb?”

“What?” He asks like it’s nothing.

“You’re Captain America’s best fiend. If you really think he wouldn’t recognize you right away and run and tell his dad, you’re insane.”

___

It had been a successful day. It was exhausting and you and Bucky were both clearly burnt out, emotionally and mentally. A lot happened for both of you. You both took a shower, individually of course, you had dinner and you finally got him to watch the first half of Titanic. It was a long night.

But it wasn’t the end of the day yet.

You sat on the bed crisscross and in your PJs, looking out into the city, deep in thought.

Bucky moves over to you and across the bed and you close your eyes tightly together, feeling the bed dip down. You can feel him as he puts his hand on your shoulder.

“We’ll save him, okay? Imagine how much Steve will love us when you come back not only with a life saved, but with the cure.” His words are gentle and sweet, but hold so much weight over you.

You couldn’t do this. You made that promise a few days ago.

“Look, Bucky I don’t think we should do this anymore. Our agreement.” You say quietly, your voice breaking off at the end.

He went still and you felt a cold rush where he began to remove his hand from your skin.

“Oh, I didn’t realize that—“

“Bucky—“

“I didn’t know you weren’t in the mood. I’m sorry.”

“No,” you say quietly and so heartbreakingly slow that you know he can feel it too. Why did it feel this way? “It’s not that.” You slowly turn around to face him. He’s got both arms stretched down on the bed below him, palms down, and he’s staring at you like he was afraid you would hurt him again like you did the other night. You looked away from him and pushed yourself away to give you both more room to breathe

“Sweetheart—“

“I’ve decided to go out with Pietro again,” You watch as his eyes drop from your own to the spot just next to your arm. He swallows hard and there’s a flicker of something in his eyes that isn’t necessarily jealously, “We want to see where it goes. I know we’ll only be here a little while longer, but who knows the future, right? What if I see him again?”

Bucky swallows again and clears his throat.

“It wouldn’t feel right doing that to him.”

“Oh.”

“So, uh,” he straightens himself out until he’s standing, and he pulls his shirt down in a sort of fidgety way you almost find adorable if it weren’t for the heartbroken look in his eyes, “you’re gonna date?”

You tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear, feeling a tightness in your chest that you couldn’t bare.

Why did it feel like this?

“Yeah. I deserve someone that will take care of me like that, don’t you think?”

Bucky’s eyes are unreadable at that point. This was what he wanted, right? For you to move on and meet someone better for you?

“You’ll find a guy your age, you don’t want an old thing like me, anyway.”

“You do.” It hurt him to say it. It fucking destroyed him in the goddamn core.

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#bucky x reader #Bucky Barnes fanfiction #Bucky Barnes smut #bucky barnes #Bucky Barnes x you #Bucky Barnes x y/n #marvel fanfic #marvel fanfiction #tfatws fanfic #bucky

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opes-magnas · 3 years

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『 as lonely as time can get. 』

It’s finally here!! I’m a terribly slow writer, and am really thankful to all those who waited for this! Hopefully you enjoy. Thank you so much to @hamjjy, @kaavijournals and Lady L for beta reading this, you guys are the best!

Listen to this playlist here for the best experience!

tw: cursing, body sensitivity, very subtle idea of anxiety and toxic relationships are portrayed.

~calypso <3

I. the moon can't shine on her own.

She looks serene tonight - high up in the night sky, not a single star to accompany her. Does the moon feel lonely like that? Does she ever need a warm hug? Perhaps she gets one from the sun, and he accompanies her all time. Does the sun shine for her? So that the world can see her beauty? Perhaps so. When she can't see him, she turns bloody red; she seems disturbed. Hurt. Lost. Her fury always frightened the humans. It made them shiver inside their homes, praying to see the familiar ball of light rise from the east to calm her down. Perhaps it is better if they could only see her beauty. But does that mean the sun shines, not to show her beauty, but to protect the humans from her true self? Perhaps so.

The sun and the moon are a pair. And they will continue to be.

As long as the moon can't shine on her own.

Let's stop thinking, Luna.

The moon seems lonely.

I look up at the clock. A red, metallic light tells me its 3:48 am, 3rd April. Great, now I can have four shots of espresso for breakfast. Thank you, oh great mind, for deciding that we needed to have that conversation earlier. I sit up on the bed and rub my eyes. The curtain flutters from the soft wind blowing in through the window. Cicadas fill up the silence as I look at the full moon illuminating my room another time. Oh, how I hate the moon. What a hypocrite. I look away, and my eyes find the pile of open textbooks and spark notes I abandoned. A small smile creeps up my face. At least I'll ace that History test tomorrow. I could imagine the Boba Tea reward from Leo in my hands already. Leo. The annoying kid next door who's been stuck with me since I was five. Don't worry, though. I don't like him. Not anymore. He made it extremely clear that I was 'a size too big' for him. Then why do I still hang out with him? Short answer - I beat him up, he apologized. I shall offer no elaboration. Still, a lump forms in my throat. And maybe because he wasn't completely wrong.

I get up to go grab a glass of water. Mochi is lying in her bed in the hallway. This is the first time she didn't stir awake when I thumped across the room. The poor fluffball of a cat is probably very tired from the bath I forced her into in the evening.

You need to lose a few pounds anyways, Luna. Get rid of those love handles. Maybe some fat on your back too. That'll make people find you more approachable.

It isn't toxic if it's true, right?

That night, I decide that my glass is half-empty rather than full, and go back to bed. Suddenly, Mochi wakes up and runs into my room. She snuggles in and throws her paws on my hair like it's her property. I choose to oblige the demon for today.

The last thing I see before sleep lures me is the clock gleaming '3:59 am'.

/////-----

It's too warm in my blanket. I almost want to peel my skin off. I need to get sleep, I have a test soo- I jolt awake. Mochi is no longer next to me. I assume she's back in the comfort of her bed, considering the temperature in the room. I let out a groan as my hand outstretches to the switchboard. After a few terrible attempts, I finally turn on the ceiling fan. As sleep threatens to take me again, I see that it's still dark out and the moon looks just as annoying as it did earlier, its ever luminant light breaking down the walls of my privacy. My eyes turn to the direction of the clock- 3:48 am, 3rd April. Huh, weird. I realize I must have had one of those five-minute, extra strength-giving, amazing nap- Wait why does the clock say it's 3:48 am?

I grab my phone. The sudden light blinds me for a second, and through squinted eyes I see 3:49 am on the screen. Huh, really weird. Wasn't I awake just now - err, earlier? Wait what? I realize I make no sense, maybe I just read the time wrong the first time. My brain is repeating the features of the Hammurabi Code, my drowsy eyes are drooping, and I meet slumber once more.

I barely feel Mochi slipping back into my blanket.

/////-----

I wake up in wonder why my alarm hasn't rung yet. The room is still dark, the moon stares at me curiously. Give me some privacy, moon. My eyes turn towards the clock for the third time this night- 3:46 am, 3rd April. Bullshit. I've been asleep for hours now; I won't need those four espresso shots for breakfast anymore. My tongue clicks involuntarily. Is this some sort of a stupid prank? Leo is definitely behind this, I'm going to hunt that dipshit down.

Come to your senses, Luna. The universe cannot prank you. That's impossible. And stupid.

I grab my phone again. An attempt in vain, I realize, when I see the screen displaying the same time. I text Leo.

| loser |

you (3:46 am, 03.04.2021): you awake? (read)

loser (3:48 am, 03.04.2021): no

A chill goes down my spine. Did the just relive 3:38 am? I decide to call Leo. Two rings in, I hear a familiar voice, 'I said I wasn't awake.' He sounds tired, voice raspy and strained. You'd think he'd just woken up from the but he's the sort of person who thinks sleep is for the weak. 'Yeah no shit, Sherlock. I'm speaking to your alter ego, Thomas.', I reply.

He decides to ignore my bad retaliation, and saves me from the embarrassment. 'Why is my star pupil awake at 3 in the morning? Has she forgotten about the test she will help me cheat tomorrow?', he asks. Ah, this freeloader. I'm gonna kick his ass. My hands move frantically in the air out of annoyance, 'I am not helping you with anything!', I scream-shout into the phone, afraid I'll wake Mochi up in the hallway. She's a bigger annoyance than Leo; no one in the universe has energy to deal with a grumpy Mochi.

'Honey, you love me.'

'You're being delusional.', I deadpan.

'Is my chubby baby irritated?', he says in a fake cooing voice. And that got me.

'Leo, I did not call you at 3 in the fucking morning for you to put me down.'

The other side of the line immediately goes silent. Silence that reminded me of the last time this happened. Silence between the two of us on a Boba Tea study session in the park after an argument, the only sound being the pages of my sociology textbook being turned, and of the sound of baby birds in a nest nearby. Though I know that Leo meant it as a term of endearment, I couldn't believe he wouldn't ever, well, consider me more than just a friend because of it. A few seconds (sometimes minutes) pass before -

'I'm sorry, Lunie, you know I don't mean it,'

Another apology.

I sigh. I'm tired of this conversation again. I'm tired of having to deal with the same problem again. I'm tired of people putting me down. I'm tired of blaming myself. I'm tired of trying to look pretty. I'm tired of Leo. I'm tired of me. I'm tired of another heartbreak. I know his apology is genuine. I know he doesn't mean it. I know he's just being the Leo he always is. But somehow his words still continue to haunt me. Maybe it's because it's coming from someone who means to me the most, coming from someone who brightens me up, like the sun does to the moon. Then why am I the only one taking it seriously? Why am I trying to fit into someone else's standards? Why am I so painfully aware of everything but still choosing to be blind?

Why am I not able to love myself even though I want to?

'Luna? You there?', his voice breaks me from my train of thought. Weirdly, he sounds quite scared. 'I didn't realize how much it bothers you, I swear I won-'

Mochi jumps onto the bed and snuggles into my head again, paws in a similar place in my hair. A weird sense of Deja vu washes over me again. And then-

『 pop! the world has reset.』

My eyes opened in fear as a gasp escapes my mouth. I'm sitting on my bed, trying to comprehend what just happened. The curtains flutter with the wind blowing by. The moon stares in curiosity. My phone's on the bedside table. The clock gleams with a bright '3:01 am' displayed on it. And the problem is that I wasn't dreaming, and I wasn't mistaking the time either.

I'm in a time loop.

II. a tub fills with water only to spill it.

I fucking hate whoever wrote Groundhog Day.

Like who decided that? Who decided to say 'Hey, let's make a movie based on time loops!'? 'Let's make a dude live the same day all over again till he gets it right! Let's make him really happy, then really sad!'

Son, I'm this close to pulling an Ides of March on you.

I seem to be looping every hour, more specifically from three in the morning to four. Five hours have passed by, but my clock tells me it's precisely 3:18 am. Great. My dearly detested friend, the moon, is my only companion in this war with time (sorry Mochi). In the five hours that should have gone by, I have accomplished the following:

Two and a half hours of sleep - though I wake up when the clock resets.

Half an hour of revision for that History test I need to write after I get out of this shit.

Thirty minutes of planning a workout, Fifteen minutes of Yoga.

Five minutes of trash talking the moon, Ten minutes of dealing with grumpy Mochi who woke up as I exercised.

Thirty minutes of wondering if Leo's looping with me, and

Half an hour of figuring out what went wrong, and how to make the night perfect.

I don't know how much longer I'll be able to remember anymore. I've tried everything - making notes, scribbling on the wall, writing on myself, engraving things on desk - but none of them seem to make it through when the loop resets. I'm too tired to talk to Leo, knowing very well that he would definitely not believe me. And partly because I'm afraid I'll lose my temper and get hurt again. I'm afraid I'll end up being the insecure bad guy, and he doesn't deserve that. He deserves someone better. Someone who's prettier, kinder and happier. Not telling him for the time being also meant that I'll never find out if he was looping with me. But that probably isn't the case, the universe is cruel for a reason. This is perhaps its punishment for me. I must go through this alone. No one's ever been by my side anyways.

I'm as lonely as the moon.

/////-----

Another few hours pass. The pop between every reset scares me lesser and lesser. But my desperation to return back to normal is growing. I've been trying to figure out what went wrong for the past hour in the neighbourhood park. The cold air perfectly paired up with the mint chocolate chip ice cream in my hands. Was it me staying awake this long? Should I have just gone to sleep? There must have been something I did wrong that hour. My heart wishes to call Leo and confide in him. And the more time goes by, the more my mind wishes to oblige to that crazy request.

I pull out my phone, which gleams a bright '3:58 am'. It's almost time for the reset. In two minutes, I'll be magically transported back to my bed. I sigh. I can't take living the same hour again. The hour grips my sanity like it is a play toy. I waste another countless moment wondering where I went wrong.

『 pop! the world has reset.』

Well, I guess there's no place like home. I wonder if Mochi was worried the previous hour when she didn't find me in the bed. Do cats feel worry for their owners? Does Mochi care for me? What kind of a disgusting ship is this? Cringe, cringe, cringe. Shut up, Luna. I bury my nonsensical idea of my cat showing me love for once in the deep pits of my mind, and pretend I never thought of such blasphemy. I shift under my blankets, and decide to sleep through this hour, foolishly hoping that the reset would never take place if I was never awake, though I woke up when the clock reset each time earlier. My eyes look at the clock - 3:05 am.

That's when doorbell suddenly rang. I launch up in surprise. This didn't happen before. My heart begins to pound extremely hard, my head hazed in confusion. I run towards the door as quickly as possible stirring Mochi awake in the process, and fling it open.

It's Leo. And he's in tears.

His eyes are filled with fear, breath unsteady. Beads of sweat line his neck as he tries to get words out. Leo grips my hands tightly, as though he wants me to hold him and tell him it was going to be okay. This hasn't happened in a very long time. He's gotten a much better hold on his anxiety in the past few years. I pull him into a hug and mutter words of comfort. His head is leaning on mine, and his breath slows. I tell him we'd be alright, and hum a calming tune. And we stay like that for the next five minutes.

'Luna,', Leo whispers into the night. 'Would you believe me if I told you something crazy?'

'Like what?'

'Like a war against the clock.'

And that's when I knew. Tears start brimming in my eyes as I give out a sigh of relief. 'Like a time loop?', I say as I hug Leo a little tighter. This time I needed one to remind me I wasn't alone. He seems to catch on as well, a sob escapes from him as he melts in. We stay in each other's arms, in each other's comfort - a place where walls were deaf to all the shared secrets, a sanctuary with no limits.

Oh, what I'd do to protect it.

Leo pulls away, his eyes disappear and his lips form into a sheepish grin. His face is puffy from all the crying, but it glows in the soft moonlight. My eyes widen in surprise as he grabs my hand and drags me out the door. I manage to see the clock on the kitchen counter gleaming with a bright '3:15 am.' before blood rushed to my face upon meeting the cold air.

'Where are we going? Are yo- ah it's fucking cold out here!', I complain.

'Ice Cream.' Classic hungry Leo. This boy is a demon.

iii. the twilight hour.

'What's wrong with you?!', I huff as I bend down to catch my breath and hide myself under a tree. Leo, on the other hand, is breathing quite easy, a stupid grin plastered on his face (oh, how I want to punch him). His hands hold up a bag with three tubs of mint chocolate Ice Cream like they're the greatest creation of God. 'Did you really have to steal Ice Cream?! Are you five?', I say as I recall the incident that just took place, how Leo basically ran out the convenience store with the sweet goodies without paying and left me, his dear, penniless (and only) friend as the bait to a potential flat-earther of a cashier (long story, don't ask).

And now we're here, the park I was in the previous hour. There's not a single soul around. The only companion being the moon once again. His smile shines through like the sun, however.

'I'm rweally sowwy, delulu,', he retorts.

'My name is Luna, and no one can ever be as delusional as you, you dill hole.', I say, my ears red.

'Good now, I shalt promoteth thee to 'Deluna'. Thee has't been felicitat'd.'

I click my lips in annoyance. I know quite well that when the clock resets, all the stolen Ice Cream would be back in the freezer. But I try my best to maintain a straight face to show my discontent. That's right Luna, assert your fucking dominance. I notice that his hazel eyes shining with the mischief I'm used to once again. He's back to the loud, obnoxious and teasing Leo he's always been. Leo who's carefree, Leo who's horribly reckless, Leo who finds happiness in uncertainty. My Leo. My lips slowly curl into a smile, and I give in. He's happy, and that makes me happy too. Leo suddenly pulls out his phone.

'Look here, Partner in time.', he says cheekily. I hear a click. My brows wring into discomfort and confusion.

'What? You look pretty in the moonlight.', he states without skipping a beat. There's a million tugs in my stomach, and blood rushes to my bronze skin. Butterflies soon turn into more sinister as I remember our conversation on the phone earlier. My face falls, if only this boy knew what he puts me through. First I'm not good enough, and now I'm pretty? Does he really throw around stuff like that without giving it a second thought? Does he not realize all that he's putting me through?

This is pointless. My feelings for him are pointless. The amount of time I waste on this is pointless. 'Our friendship is pointless.', I say. Regret follows immediately. Leo's face turns grim too; an unreadable expression plastered on his face. I suddenly remember something I jotted down my sociology textbook.

words left unspoken, my hearts screams, my head's in pain, we are in conflict.

Tears well up in my eyes again. This is a conflict, the most peaceful one at that. Terrifying. One that makes you curl into a ball and wish you never existed. One fueled by guilt, by insecurity, by ignorance. I remember the rest of the poem.

one of us was meant to get hurt, almost as though the heavens proclaimed it, on the day of creation. the celestial sky cried tears of gold, for it knew fate was cruel, but humans are crueler.

My hands are getting colder. My breath is hitching as my sobs get louder. Leo rushes towards me and tries to pull me into another hug. As much as I try to resist, he pulls me into his embrace. Fear devours my heart as I realize how I didn't feel at home anymore. I knew this sanctuary was going to break sooner or later. My heart is sick. It pains far too much as it beats in his embrace. Will it stop if I pull away? I try.

It does.

'Luna, what's wrong?!', Leo asks, truly afraid of what was happening.

'Us, Leo. Us.', I reply, voice barely a notch away from a whisper.

'What's wrong with us? We're Leo and Luna! You're the other half of thi-'

'Stop. Please.', I say firmly. My head feels too heavy, my heart too light. The moon shines down on me in its disgusting glory. I can't take it anymore. 'You're the reason I hate the moon, Leo. Because you are the sun. You only shine on me to mock me. To make me feel inferior.'

'What're you talking abou-'

My tongue clicks loudly. 'You're so hypocritical! You're an asshole who makes me feel like I'm the only one in the world, before throwing me out yourself. You make me feel insecure, Leo. I don't feel like I'm myself with you anymore.', I say, vitriol burning my throat. 'You disregard what I feel for you, because I'm the moon. You outcast me, because I'm the moon. You tie me down.

'You remind me of why I'll never shine on my own.'

I look at Leo. His hazel eyes turned dark, head down in shock. There's not a single drop of water in his eyes. He stands under the moonlight in silence. I can hear my heart palpitating.

'Why do you think the Sun shines, Luna?', he whispers. 'Is it to light the day, or to light the night?', he asks, a little louder this time. I open my mouth to answer.

'It's to light the night, Luna.', he interrupts. He knew I'd say neither. The sun shines for himself. He is selfish.

'The sun sheds it's light, because if it didn't, the moon would never-'

'That's exactly the prob-'

'get to see the world.' I stop midway in confusion. What is he saying?

'The sun shines because he wants the moon to see the world, Luna. He shines because if he didn't, the moon would be lonely. He makes sure to shed the perfect amount of light on her, so that she guides the traveler without scalding them, without making them blind.

'If he never shone, he'd have never have found his other half. The sun would have been just as lonely as the moon would have, Luna. The sun and moon are a pair, not because the moon can't shine on her own, but because they are lonely without each other.', Leo says.

And epiphany struck down like lightning. Leo needs me as much as I need him. He'd be just as lonely as I'd been without him. The moon's identity without the sun hadn't ever been her own. It was due to the sun's light she was herself. The sun made her the moon, and the moon made him the sun. They were inseparable, as destiny willed them to be, for they needed each other. For the sun to shine the brightest, and the moon to give comfort. But all that didn't answer why-

'Why did you say I wasn't enough for you?', I say, reminiscing that day in the park. I remember picking out a bouquet of purple lilacs after studying a book about plant symbolism in the library. I spent hours trying to make myself look pretty. I spent a lot of time trying to make up my mind. And everything came crashing down.

'Because you deserve more!', Leo says in defeat, fingers brushing into his hair. 'Do you know how much of a loser I am? You deserve a hunk-a-ilicous person, are you really going to settle for a noodle?!', Leo says, gesturing to his lean figure. As sarcastic as his response seemed, he meant every word of what he said. That's just how Leo is.

'Leo, that's exactly how I've been feeling this whole time.' I pull Leo into a hug.

Leo is no different than I've been my whole life. He's just as insecure and broken as I am, as I've always been. All my life, I'd seen him as a completely different person. We have different hobbies, we have different personalities. But we're still similar in ways that make us, well, us. It's just that our sanctuary needed to break to have it's walls built back stronger. I feel at home again.

'You're more of a sausage though. Alri-ALRIGHT lemme clear up, you're MY sausage okay? The best one in fact, I will use you in all my dishes.', Leo says as I pull out of his embrace and find a stone on the road to attack the disrespectful brat. Leo runs away and makes his way behind the usual Banyan tree at the edge of the park. 'That's literally the worst nickname ever!', I yell as I chase him.

'Mine own dearest sausage I begeth thee to reconsid'r!'

'TRY ME BITCH.'

'Hey, hey wait.', Leo holds down my hands and blocks my attack, and I'm left with no weapon except for the daggers in my eyes I choose to use against him. 'So, what are we now?', he asks.

'We're still Leo and Luna, dumb head.', I say after giving it a thought. Leo opens his mouth to refute, but soon decides against it. I assume he's content with the answer. We were friends, nothing could ever break that. Would we ever be something more? Who knows, maybe we would in the future when we love ourselves a little more, when we're comfortable with who we are, rather than who we're with.

Until then, we are Leo and Luna.

///////------

My eyes flutter open. I am leaning on the trunk of the Banyan tree next to Leo. I find myself in sleepy laughter as I look at his head lodged in between the roots of the tree. And suddenly, I see light in the distance. I immediately wake up from my position near the tree and walk to the edge of its canopy, heart beating in my stomach and look at the sky outside. The dark navy night melts into a light lilac, small streaks of tangerine bordering the the horizon. The birds are beginning to chirp in the trees, though the street lights are still on.

The time loop has stopped.

Meanwhile, Leo had stirred awake. He runs with his eyebrows up in surprise and squeezes the life out of me before his eyes turned dark in fear.

'WE HAVE SCHOOL.', he exclaims. I ignore him, and choose to stare into the sky. I look at the twilight hour. The sun and the moon were side by side, in harmony, like Leo told me. Tears escape my eyes in a sense of accomplishment. I could rest now. I give myself a small hug, and tell myself I'd worked hard. ('LUNA DO YOU REMEMBER THE HAMMURABI CODE.' 'That is not important right now!') The sun rises up, and salvages the few moments he has with the moon. I turn my head to the side and see that the moon looks serene, her light glow slowly fading as she decides to rest too.

But above all, I see that the moon is no longer lonely.

a/n: ahhhh yes if you’ve made it this far, i truly truly appreciate you for reading this, it means a lot to me. the past few days have been a little weird for me, and it took more than just motivation for me to get through writing this. again, thank you to all my beta readers, i really treasure all of you! i’d really love to get an ask about the short story, so if you enjoyed, make sure to send me one! i hope everyone’s staying safe! stay tuned with us because we have another surprise coming soon!

alatcg taglist: @blue-hairbrush, @kaavijournals, @artbyeloquent, @47crayons, @writing-is-a-martial-art

general writing taglist: @shinesundark, @the-writing-avocado, @raenawrites

@original-writing

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crmsfanfiction · 3 years

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Second Chances: Chapter 1

Author’s note: Hello everyone. Just a quick note of the timeline of this story. It starts in 2015. I own nothing, but plot (loosely as I am sure it has been done before) and my OCs. Everyone else is owned by themselves and Marvel at this point. Thanks for reading and reviewing.

This is unbeta’d and all mistakes are mine and mine alone. Constructive criticism is welcome. This will be a Sebastian Stan/OC story.

_____________________________________________________________

Chapter 1: Broken Dream, Broken Heart

Willa stood still as she took in the scene before her. She couldn’t believe her eyes. It wasn’t possible for this to be happening. Her brain couldn’t compute the scene in front of her. This had to be a dream. The moans coming from the bed in front of her are what finally snapped her out of her disbelief. She turned and walked out of the bedroom, the occupants never even knowing she was there. She grabbed her purse and left the home she had built for the past 3 years with the man she was supposed to marry in two months time.

She felt numb. She drove to the airport and paid for long term parking. Not even caring about the cost. She got a one way ticket to Georgia and headed for the departures lounge. Her flight wasn’t leaving for a few hours, but she didn’t have the energy to try and come back. Pulling her phone out Willa scrolled through her social media accounts while continuing to replay the scene from her bedroom through her head. She didn’t cry. It still didn’t feel real. She knew once she saw her uncle it would hit her, but until then she wouldn’t allow herself to break down. Her mama raised her to be stronger than that. Never allow them to see you cry. Don’t give them the satisfaction of seeing you broken. Break down the private, when no one can see you. Where no one will judge you.

Several hours later Willa landed in Georgia and hailed a cab out of the airport. Giving the address to the cabbie, Willa finally sent a quick texted and arranged for a pass for her. It was a twenty minute ride to the studio lot and she knew once she got there it was going to be bad, but she would make it. Tears started to prick at her eyelids, but she held them back. Not wanting to break down in the back of a cab. Willa closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She was going to make sure she wasn’t a mess when she got to the studio lot. Taking another breath and blowing it out slowly, helped steady her nerves and her emotions.

“Thank you.” Willa said twenty minutes later as she pulled out enough cash to cover her cab fare and a tip. She opened the cab door and stepped out into the sweltering heat of a Georgia summer. Closing the door she headed for the guard shack next to a gate. Smiling at the older guard in the shack Willa pulled out her id and showed it to him. “Willa Anderson. I should have a pass waiting for me from Mr. Downey Jr.”

“Miss Anderson?” a soft voice said from the other side of the gate. Willa turned to see a tall blonde holding out a lanyard with a visitors pass attached. “Sorry Ernie. I didn’t have a chance to get this up here before now.” the blonde said as Ernie grinned and opened the gate letting Willa walk through.

“Not a problem Miss Jade.” Jade smiled as she handed Willa the pass and turned to head deeper onto the lot. “If you’ll follow me Miss Anderson. I will take you to RDJ’s camp. The pass you have is a temporary pass, and we should have a permanent pass for you by the end of the day.” Jade chattered as she looked over at Willa. Willa smiled and slipped the pass over her head and settled it around her neck.

“It’s Willa. Miss Anderson is way to formal.” Willa said as she took in her surroundings. Jade smiled and nodded. Willa thought she might like this soft spoken blonde. She reminded her of someone she knew years ago.

“How do you know Mr. Downey Jr?” Jade asked as they walked.

“He is an old family friend, but I have always considered him an uncle. Sometimes even a father figure.” Willa said as her voice took on a wistful tone. “What do you do? Are you his new assistant?” Willa asked Jade. She shook her head no. “I am just a gopher. I get the coffee and stuff like that usually.”

“Ah. I did that for a movie once. It was an eye opening experience. I enjoyed it though.”

“Yeah I am enjoying it. Well here we are. They should be done shooting soon and breaking for lunch. Have a good day.” Jade said as they walked into Downey’s camp. Willa laughed as she saw the five trailers in a circle. He hadn’t changed a bit. Still as extra as they come. Willa hopped up onto a table and pulled her phone out. She sent her best friend a text letting her know where she was. She would call her later to talk and cry, but right now she needed to be clear minded. While she was waiting she pulled up her bank app and transferred about ¾ths of the money from their joint account into her separate private account. She made more money as a nurse and had put more into the account than he did as a waiter. She had left enough in the account to tide him over for a couple months. She would be putting their home up for sale as soon as she could. He can’t afford to pay the mortgage and she didn’t want to live there anymore. Too many memories.

Thirty minutes later found Willa stretched out on the table with her eyes closed and her arm over her face. This is the position Robert found her in when he walked back into his camp. He had a few of his co-stars coming for lunch but he wanted a few minutes alone with Willa first. Her coming to see him was a complete surprise and he wanted to know what was wrong.

“Willa Annabelle Anderson! What are you doing laying on the table?” Robert said as he walked over to her. Willa opened her eyes and attempted a bright smile, but failed as she locked eyes with her Uncle. “Hi Uncle Bob.” Willa said her voice cracking on his name. He swept her up into a hug as she finally broke down into a huge racking sobs.

Robert picked her up like she weighted nothing and took her into his main trailer. She clung to him like her life depended on it and in a way to her it did. She felt like she was drowning in a sea of memories, heartbreak and pain. Holding onto him was like clinging to a lifeline that would help guide her back to shore and firm footing once again. Robert just murmured soothing sounds and rocked her gently. He pulled his phone out and sent a quick text to Susan to come to set and pick up Willa. She wasn’t staying in a hotel and from the looks of it she didn’t even bring a suitcase.

“Willa? What’s wrong sweetie?” Robert asked once he noticed her sobs quietening down and she was just sniffling. Pulling away from her slightly he tipped her head up so she could look him in the eye.

“I found him in bed with someone else.” she said quietly as fresh tears started to slide down her face. “I walked in on him in our bed with another woman.”

Robert’s face dropped when she told him that. It was worse than he had thought. He figured a fight or even maybe a lost job, but never did he think that she would be here because her fiance had cheated on her and she caught him. It boggled the mind. They were perfect for each other. Both had faults and flaws, but they had always brought out the best in each other. He always assumed they would go the distance.

“Oh Willabee. What can I do? Need me to threaten him? Call a hit man? Pig farmer? I know some people. Want to call Keanu to go John Wick on his ass.”

Willa laughed at that last one and shook her head. “Nah. He isn’t worth the price of a hit man. Though the thought of Keanu is a nice one. Thanks Uncle Bob.” She fully pulled away from RDJ and headed for the small bathroom. “Going to wash my face real quick. How long til Aunt Susan get here?”

“She should be here in a few minutes. I have some co-stars coming to eat lunch here. Do you want to stay and eat or just head out with Susan?”

“Oh. I think I will just head out with Aunt Susan. I need to do some shopping and I am not in the best head space to meet people.” Willa said as she emerged from the bathroom. Her face was still a little red and blotchy from crying and her eyes were still puffy, but clear. Willa hugged Robert again as she left his trailer and headed back towards the main gate to intercept Susan before she made it onto the lot.

Willa smiled as she spotted her Aunt and jogged over to the car. “Hello Aunt Susan” she said as she slid into the passenger seat. “Willabee. What’s going on sweetie? Robert texted me saying you were in town and having a tough time.” Susan Downey asked as she pulled out of the lot and headed for the mall.

“He cheated. I caught him.” Susan’s heart went out to her as her heart broke for the younger woman.

“Well we are on the way to the mall. Some retail therapy will do you some good.” Susan said as she pulled into a parking spot at the mall. Willa shrugged in response. She didn’t have the energy to think about it now. The pain was still to close to the surface, but the breakdown in Robert’s arms helped her feel less numb and more in control of her emotions.

They both got out and headed inside. Several hours later, they left with many bags of clothes, make-up, shoes, and accessories. “Thank god we are done. I wanna go to the house and crash. Thank you for paying for all of this. I will pay you back as soon as I can.” Willa said as they loaded all the bags into the car and headed out of the parking lot and to the house Robert was renting while filming.

“No need to pay us back. I was happy to do it. You needed this. Come on the kids are probably driving the babysitter nuts.” Susan said as they made it to the house and grabbed the bags from the backseat. Walking into the house Willa was attacked by a tiny terror holding a plush dinosaur.

“Hey buddy. You’re getting so big now.” she said as she picked little man up and headed further into the house looking for his baby sister. “Where is Princess?” Little man just pointed towards a door and smiled. He was still a little shy around her. He hadn’t seen her in about 6 months. Tickling his belly Willa set him down as she walked into the bedroom and grinned at the sleepy little girl sitting in her crib.

She was just finishing up a diaper change when Robert walked in looking for them both. He stopped short as he took in Willa holding his daughter and cuddling her close. She turned and smiled at him. “Dinner ready?”

“Yup Willabee. How’s princess doing?” He asked as he took the little girl from Willa and headed back down the hallway to the kitchen. It was a simple dinner of pizza and wine for the adults and water and pizza for the kids.

Willa cleaned up the kitchen and put the left over pizza away in the fridge while Susan and Robert bathed the kids and settled them into bed for the night. Heading into the living room sipping another glass of wine, Willa sat down and let her mind wonder back over the past few weeks and months to see if there was anything she could pinpoint as to why he would do what he did. Nothing came to mind. She just couldn’t see anything that would have caused all of this.

Finishing her glass of wine as Robert and Susan walked into the living room, Willa stood up and hugged both of them. “Thanks for letting me stay here. I am heading to bed. I am exhausted.”

“Of course Willabee. You are always welcome in our house. No matter where we are. Get some sleep. Tomorrow, we can talk about what you are going to do about everything.” Robert said as he hugged her tightly before letting Susan wrap her arms around her just as tightly before letting her walk away and up the stairs to her room.

They looked at each other knowing she wasn’t okay. No matter how well she was acting like it right now. Robert knew her break down that afternoon was just the tip of the iceberg of heartache and pain she was bottling up and ignoring. He just wondered when the dam would finally burst and how she would handle it once it did. She never did do well with letting people in. Would she let them help or would she push everyone away and pretend she was fine?

So many questions. So many ways this could go. Could she heal from a broken dream and a broken heart?

#sebastian stan #sebastianstanxofc #sebastian stan slow burn #sebastian stan angst #robert downey jr #RDJ #sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan smut #chris evans #scarlett johansson #tom holland #friends to lovers #lovers to nothing #nothing to friends #complicated relationships #trigger warnings: abuse #trigger warnings: eating disorder if you squint

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deeeelightfuldee · 3 years

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Are you better at cooking dinners or making cakes/biscuits/sweets? baking definitely. I want to get more comfortable cooking.

Have you ever cut someone else’s hair? yes. I used to be pretty good at doing my brothers hair-- even the fading. But I’m sure I’ve forgotten it all by now.

Who was the last guest in your house and what were they staying for? probably my sister or my nephews.

How many long term relationships have you been in? blegh. not many. Whenever I’d know that it didnt have long term potential, id drop it. no sense dragging out the inevitable.

Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? so for the longest time I kept my room super dark. I slept well. once miller died and kile broke my heart, I couldn’t sleep without the tv playing. I needed to hear something calming and voices talking so I wouldn’t be left with my thoughts. I still can’t turn it off.

Who is one person you have forgiven, but still have not “forgotten” what they have done? i think its easy to say “forgive and forget” but the reality is that once we have endured trauma we don’t easily forget. I think its kind of unrealistic. I’m trying to forgive kile but thats going to take.. i dont know how long. As for what it was... it was just betrayal.. lying. for six+ years. lots of laughing at me.

Are you a fan of Lana Del Rey? I like some of her songs.

Do you know your blood type? o+

Do you know your mother’s birthday? Yes. its coming up.

Have you ever been pregnant? I dont think so. I was really late after my assault but who knows.

How old were you when you first went on a plane? like 7ish

Have you ever had to take out a loan for anything? Yeah, student loans. 15k feels so daunting right now.

Are both of your blood parents still in your life? One is. My mom.

When was the last time you went apple picking? highschool maybe?

Someone asked you what you wanted, what would you say? money.. or a trip.

Have you ever been drunk at school or work? definitely not.

How many bedrooms are in your house? four.

Are you smart about computers? I know some stuff.

Have you ever played Just Dance for Wii? oh heck’n yeah

Do you own a Xbox 360? I had one from my brother for a little while but I traded it for the gamecube since Kile was going to send me one of the 15 he had lol. That didn’t end up happening, but its OK i really dont need more gaming.

Would you ever do a sex tape for a million dollars? oooooooo.. probably not.

So, do you need a nap? all day is full of naps to try and get over this.

What would you rather be doing? school

What sport are you the best at? maybe volleyball or swimming

Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Nope, im the baby.

Do you complain a lot? no, i try not to. I find complaining to be the most unattractive and yet common human trait and while there are definitely situations worthy of complaining, most of the time it just makes a situation worse than it actually was.

Would you rather go to an authentic haunted house or an ancient temple? temple

Do you like fruity or minty gum? definitely minty

Are you looking forward to any day of this month? i was really looking forward to Kile’s birthday on monday, but since we arent talking anymore then there is no joy in that. all the other special dates have been ruined by covid.

Have you ever gotten detention? Nope. homeschoolers and detention arent a thing.

Is there a traumatic event that you’ve experienced that’s changed your life? oh sure. heartbreak, deaths, assaults, etc.

Do you buy a majority of your clothes from a certain store, or do you just pick out items of clothing you could see yourself wearing, not caring about the store it came from? no, i can’t be super picky because not every store carries clothing long enough for me.

Have any of the artists you’re fond of released new albums recently? i havent got a clue

Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet? I mean I’m very fond of cats & dogs

Ever cried so much you threw up? this is what happened the whole 2-3 weeks following finding out about Kile.

Who is your best guy friend? I suppose now that would be Nathan

What do you two do when you hang out? drives, game nights, get food/drinks, or just talk.

What is a movie that you thought you would hate but you ended up loving? Her

Do you even like horror movies? not particularly. I’ll watch them if someone else wants to but its not my preference.

Do you live in the country? i live in the suburbs i suppose.

What is your favorite accent? Some southern and British accents. <same ... i have no idea how I made the font like this.

Have you ever had a boyfriend your parents didn’t like? Not that I can think of.

Do you drink Pepsi or Coke? diet coke

What do you plan to do on your 21st birthday? my family celebrated during the day and then I think nathan took me out on the town

Do you have any person in your family with an addiction to beer? nope.

Do you take a lot of pictures? man. this question is hard. I used to love taking pictures of myself. I had much more self confidence and some of it was because kile LOVED my selfies -- or so he said. and I just had so much fun doing that. Since the heartbreak, I’ve maybe taken 10 selfies. I just don’t have any self confidence in my looks anymore. its so different now. most of my pictures now are of other people or scenery.

What kind of face wash do you use? cerave when I want to. otherwise i use water and a very particular type of fabric.

Does drama always seem to follow you? No, i dont think so.

Does anybody in your family race? like cars? running? no.

Are you closer to your mom or dad? My mom.

How much money did you used to get from the ”tooth fairy?” I think i got it like 2x and it was a dollar.

Do you have a laptop or desktop? Laptop.

Do you like your parents? i love my mom.

Do you secretly like someone? No.

Would you ever date your best male friend? I don’t see any romantic feelings developing between nathan and I

What are you currently listening to? I have gilmore girls on.

Do you want to be single? oooof. Um. I am torn on this subject. On the one hand, i really am ready to be loved, held, protected, cared for, etc. I love the idea of building a life together with someone and us both protecting our unit. I miss supporting, cherishing, loving on someone. Yet on the other hand, im fine being single. I have so much insecurity about myself lately that I dk that anyone else needs to deal with that baggage. Idk

Did you go out or stay in last night? I stayed in. ill be staying in for some time.

Have you pretended to like someone? romantically, no. professionally, yes.

How is your heart lately? Sad. heavy.

Are you wearing socks? not at the moment.

What do people call you? Di, diana, dee, ana, di-nan-na, dine-uh, deenah.

Do you get stressed out easily? no, I really dont

Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? yes

What is wrong with you right now? im sick. im heartbroken.

Do you own something from Hot Topic? not that I know of. if I do, it’d be from like middle school. I never shopped there but people tended to give gifts from there.

Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? Alone. maybe I havent found the right sort of person to share a bed with.

Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? No.

Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Yes, several times.

Did you get any compliments today? No.

Have you ever gone to a beach? many many many times.

What would you say if someone asked you to get high right now? not my thing. at all.

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? Yes.

Have you ever done volunteer work just because you wanted to? Yes.

Do you have long nails? they are healthy length. I want to grow them out a bit more.

Do you like the gender you are? Yeah.

Do you generally look nice in photos? Not anymore

Have you ever had a stick insect as a pet? no haha

What colour are your father’s eyes? Blue.

If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer? uhhhhm, blue october

Would you ever get into a long distance relationship? maybe not anymore.

What’s your favorite hot beverage? hot chocolate from dunkin

Did you ever play an instrument? If so what? i did. no comment.

Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents? oooooohhhhhhhhh man i love both.

Do you think you’re important? I mean i offer some importance to this world but eh.

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? Hmm no idea.

Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? no

Have you ever moved to another state or country? If so, how did it feel to be new? No.

Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? Nope.

What was the first thing you ate today? I haven’t eaten since breakfast yesterday

If you could spend the day, doing absolutely anything, with anyone, anywhere, what would it be like? for the longest time it was to spend the day driving aimlessly and getting food and talking about everything and nothing with Kile. now, its just.. idunno. blank.

If I were to ask you how you are doing, and you were only able to answer completely honestly, what would come out? I’m not doing well.

What is the one thing that you have been avoiding that you should do? There’s a few things related to school.

Is there anything that you wish you could take back? not really, no.

What, in your mind, could make you truly happy? this whole covid nonsense going away, heartbreak to soothe, and my miller back.

If you could change one conversation in your life, what would you say differently? Would it have REALLY made any difference? i dont know.

When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? I just changed it up so itll be a bit.

Do people normally say you’re a fast typist, or are you rather slow? Fast.

Have you ever been considered the ‘smartest person in school?’ yes. several times.

How many drugs are in your system? lol lots of meds rn to kick this. usually none.

What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? the same as today.

Do you currently have any bite marks/hickeys on your body? No. i dont like the idea of bite marks but hickeys were fun for a time. in not visible areas tho.

Do you call anyone baby? Not anymore.

What’s your current mood? Bleh.

What were you doing before filling out this survey? Watching gilmore girls

How late did you stay up last night? I took PM meds at i wanna say 8? maybe 7? I don’t remember.

When was the last time you cried really hard? its been a few weeks since ive cried about Kile. I’m in the numb stage.

Is your hair longer than your shoulders? hahahahahahah

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sugarbooger513 · 4 years

Text

Moving On- Chapter Four

Warnings- Mentions of sex, cussing(is that a warning?), some heartbreak, toxic relationship, and some very fluffy, in love Aizawa. Enjoy <3

"Nah, dad, I'm full." Lilith smiles at papa and dad respectively. They both smile lovingly at their bonus daughter. "It's nice having the two of you home. Really, it is." Jasper look up from her phone with a grin. "A week at this place was very needed, honestly. I missed being around my old Daisy Mae." The eleven year old dog lets out a happy whine when she hears her name. Lilith nods and scratches the Shepherd's fluffy neck. "We totally use y'all for the cute dog. You know that, right?" The parents shrug with small chuckles. Jasper's phone buzzes, so she grabs it from the table and answers the call without looking at the ID. "Daedalus speaking." "Jas, I have a question." She smiles at the small chuckle on the other end. "What's up, Sho?" Lilith perks up at the sound of her old teacher's nickname. "Mic and I need sparring partners. You and Lilith wanna join?" Jasper looks over at Lilith, who nods eagerly. "Sure. Where-" "Mic left to get you not long ago. He should be there in two or three minutes." Of course Mic is already on his way. "Well, let me change and Papa or Dad will let him inside." "See you soon, Jas." She hangs up and rushes to her bedroom to put on some clothes that allow her to move a bit more freely. Meanwhile, Lilith goes to the front door and opens it to a very shocked Hizashi. "Hey, kid. You two ready?" "I am, but Jas is changing. Come on inside." He smiles at her politeness and walks in so she can shut the door. "I'll warn her when she gets out here, but Joke is gonna be there to watch." Lilith scrunches her nose at that. "And I'm not supposed to say anything about that?" "Well," Mic scratches the back of his neck, "if she steps out of line, I won't get mad at you. I can't speak for Sho, however." "Eraser will get over it." Mic is about to ask her to behave when Jasper comes out of the room. Instead of her shorts and tanktop, she's now in a loose, short sleeved shirt and some sweatpants. She reminds him a lot of Aizawa since her wardrobe seems to mostly be black. Mic throws his arms open, like he does every day, and scoops Jasper into a tight hug. "I missed ya baby!" "Geez, boomboom baby, don't crush me! I missed you, too!" They all three say goodbye to papa and dad before they walk to Mic's car. "Jas," Mic glances over at her from the driver's seat, "I'll tell you what I told Lilith. Joke insisted on watching the sparring." "Okay, but she better not throw a fit if Sho and I happen to bump into each other." Mic smirks. "I'll call her out on her bullshit, okay? That's the best way for Sho to keep some sort of sanity." Other than that short conversation, the car ride is quiet. Well, as quiet as a car ride with Mic can be. He sings whatever random song pops into his head. Rather than going to the school, Mic takes them to his and Aizawa's shared apartment. Outside, Aizawa is calmly wrapping his knuckles with tape while his girlfriend is rattling on about something. To be honest, he doesn't even know what she's saying. When he hears a car door close, Aizawa looks up and smiles at the sight. Lilith seems ready for this, Mic is already pulling leather gloves on, and Jasper is just.. here. Her blue eyes meet his, and both of them smile. "Hey, booboo eye." "Geez, hey Jas." He can feel Joke glare a hole through the back of his head. Jasper glances at Aizawa's bare arms, shocked that he isn't wearing his usual hero costume. Instead, he's pretty much wearing the same thing she is. "Christ, Sho, I thought you were scrawny." He tilts his head, suddenly aware of her looking a bit worriedly at his toned biceps. "Oh, that. It's nothing." "Hey, who is pairing with who?" Mic's question snaps Jasper's attention from the fact that Aizawa is built. Joke quickly chimes in. "I mean, guys against girls sounds fun." When Aizawa shakes his head, she glares even more(if that's possible). "I work with Mic all the time, and Lilith is pretty much Jasper's partner. I'm thinking support quirks versus physical quirks." Joke tilts her head. "So you and Lilith?" Aizawa can't help but chuckle. "Nope. Jas, you're with me." Jasper knows she should stand up for Joke, at least a little. She's obviously pissed that Aizawa wants to partner with her. Still, he has a point. Working with other quirks has great advantages. She shrugs, meeting Aizawa's smirk with one of her own. "Okay, Eraser. I would love to work with you." "Then we should talk strategy. Two minutes to debrief with our partners?" Mic nods in agreement and waves for Lilith to follow him. Joke follows Aizawa and Jasper when they move farther from the other duo. Still, the two friends ignore her presence. "Okay," Aizawa glances towards Mic, "you've worked with Mic. His quirk is devastating. However, he can't use it at full capacity during a spar." "Lilith's quirk is strong, too. She'll make them weapons, I'm almost sure. Honestly, you should keep her quirk cancelled." Aizawa nods understandingly. "Are you comfortable having a one on one with Mic?" "I won't let him beat me in close combat, Sho. Who do you think I am?" He smirks at her retort. "I trust that you can take a beating, Jas, don't worry. Still, I have my scarf, so don't freak out if I randomly yank you out of his reach." "Just yell my name beforehand, deal?" "Deal." Joke glares at Jasper as she giggles with Aizawa. How dare she call him Sho like it's okay? They don't know each other well enough to be on nickname terms. But.. he did call her Jas rather than Jasper or Daedalus. "Y'all ready to get your asses beat?" Mic's teasing remark makes Aizawa's eye twitch. When they walk in front of the other duo, Jasper pulls brass knuckles from her pocket and slips them over her fingers. Mic notices and smirks. "Remember your eye drops, Sho?" "Shut up and throw a punch, man." Mic shrugs and immediately reaches for Aizawa's scarf. Jasper doesn't waste anytime landing a kick in the blonde's abdomen to knock him back while Aizawa gets out of the way. It seems they planned to go after the opposite people because Lilith rushes cold air straight at Jasper. She'll always tell people, as simple as a quirk like cloud manipulation sounds, it has so many uses that it's crazy. Suddenly, the cold is gone and Lilith let out a weird growl of frustration. "Damn you, Eraserhead!" Aizawa lowers his goggles over his eyes with a smirk. "Come after me then, brat, or are you too scared?" He really knows how to push her buttons. As soon as Jasper takes her attention away from the two of them, Mic has the front of her shirt gripped in his fist. "That really fucking hurt, baby, so I apologize for this." She covers her ears, but his laughter makes her curse. His free hand goes into a fist and he lands a punch directly to her diaphragm, knocking the wind from her body. Rather than dropping her, He actually slams her into the hard dirt, which causes tears to prick the corner of her eyes. "Givin' up already, baby?" When her eyes open, he freezes at the bright orange color. He knows that he has to move, keep out of her sight, but it's too late. She smirks and glances beside her. Luckily enough, there happens to be a beetle. "Hey, Mic, I see that your biggest weakness is bugs." "Fuck." As soon as she throws the beetle on him, he lets out a loud yell. "Hey, Mic," Lilith yells from behind him, "you were supposed to warn me if you were about to- fuck!" Apparently Aizawa cut her words off. Jasper jumps to her feet, taking the opportunity to kick Mic while he's freaking out from the beetle. Once he's on the ground, she turns to see the situation between Aizawa and Lilith. Aizawa, like Jasper, specializes in hand to hand combat, so he isn't uncomfortable being in a deadlock with his former student. What does bother him is the fact that her quirk is just like....his old friend's. Even though her quirk is cancelled right now, her eyes shimmer blue just like his. It's too much of a coincidence. He would never tell her this, but that's why he gave her such a hard time as a student. He never disliked her. In fact, he saw her potential faster than any other teacher did, but he let the fact that she was like his old friend get to his own head. Lilith throws a punch, easily connecting with Aizawa's jaw. He smirks from it, already wrapping his scarf around her ankle. "Fuck!" He lifts her into the air easily and sends Jasper a nod. "I think we won this-" When he cuts off, he drops Lilith from the air and throws his scarf at Jasper. When it wraps around her waist, she notices Mic getting up and turning the dial on his speaker up. Aizawa yanks his sparring partner towards him, accidentally pulling her into his chest. "Sorry, but cover your-" Mic lets out a loud yell just as Lilith throws her own hands over her ears. Aizawa covers Jasper's ears with his large hands, and opens his eyes, cancelling Mic's yell almost as soon as it started. "Okay! We're done! Fuck, my eyes hurt.." Aizawa takes his hands from Jasper's head and starts rubbing his irritated eyes. Jasper rushes to where Lilith is sitting on the ground. She smiles at the white haired girl before she extends her hand to her. Lilith grins and gladly takes the help in getting up. "Yeah," Lilith pops her neck with a sigh, "he isn't aging fast enough." "Hey, if he didn't have your quirk cancelled, you could have beat his ass." The two girls laugh. Aizawa and Mic give each other a high five. "Here, Sho." Mic digs in his pocket for a bottle of eyedrops, which Aizawa takes gratefully. "Thanks, man. That was fun." "You enjoy working with Jas?" Aizawa rolls his eyes before throwing his head back to use the drops. The cooling sensation makes him sigh softly. "Of course I do. She's a very talented pro." Mic drops the subject when he notices Lilith, Jasper, and Joke walking towards them. "Sho," Jasper places her hand on his sweaty back, "thanks for covering my ears. That shit would have hurt." "Trust me," he chuckles, "it did hurt." When her gaze turns to worry, he throws his sweaty arm around her shoulders. "It's fine. I live with the guy, so I have a bit of a toler-" "Shouta." He grimaces when Joke calls him by his first name. "Yes, Joke?" "Get your arm off of her. Now." "I'm sorry, but I didn't realize that Eraser was dating his mom." Jasper is quick to yank Lilith to her. A real fight wouldn't be a good idea at this moment in time. Mic even gives her a pleading look that speaks 'let me handle it'. "Joke," Mic does great at keeping his voice patient, "we're all just having a good time. Don't bring it down with all your jealousy bullshit." Joke scoffs. "Whatever. Shut up, Mic." Something behind the friendly gleam in his emerald eyes ignites. "Okay, Emi, here's what we aren't going to do. We are NOT going to disrespect me when I pay half the rent here. We are NOT going to boss around Sho like he's a child. And finally, we are NOT going to disrespect OUR friends." "Mic," Aizawa gently places a hand on the blonde's arm, "allow me, please. I appreciate your concern, but she's my girlfriend." Joke smirks, obviously thinking that she won the argument. Aizawa narrows his grey eyes at her slightly. "I need you to leave, Joke." "What?!" He holds a hand up, obviously treating her like she's an unruly student. "I'm not dealing with this today. Today I'll be hanging out with my friends. I need a break and I would like to spend it around these three." When she stomps her foot, Aizawa is reminded of a toddler not getting their way. The difference is that it can be slightly amusing with a toddler. "Joke, go." "No. You're my-" Jasper doesn't meant to interrupt the tantrum, but something about it finally pushes her over the edge. "Shut the fuck up, Joke." Mic slaps a hand over his mouth, and Lilith has to do the same to keep from laughing. Aizawa stares at Jasper, shocked. Joke turns her glare to Jasper, who has her arms crossed over her chest. "Excuse me?" "I don't think I stuttered." Aizawa goes to stand between them, but Lilith reaches out and grabs his arm. When he looks confused, she shakes her head. She knows Jasper better than anyone else. If there's one person who can show Aizawa that he can do better, it's her. "I don't think you understand, Jasper, that he's my boyfriend." "I don't think you understand, Emi, that he isn't your property. Sho is allowed to live a life with friends that you don't hang out with." Joke scoffs. "Who the hell do you think you are, anyways?" "Oh," she fakes a wide smile, "where are my manners? I'm the All-Knowing hero, Daedalus, and if you don't respect my friend's wishes and leave then we're going to have an issue between us." "You enjoy being a smart ass?" "Kinda, yeah." The two women stare into each other's eyes. Joke's shine from possession and anger, but Jasper's only show how protective she can be. She's usually a patient person. It's really hard to annoy or piss her off, but Joke seemed to find the one thing that makes her blood boil. Joke is a bully. That's all there is to it. "You don't scare me, Daedalus." Jasper smiles in what could be taken as either sweetly or sarcastically. "I prefer it that way, hun. Now, skedaddle before I teach you how to play thirty-two pick up." She sees Joke throw a punch, so she raises her arm to easily block it. "Oop, too slow." With a quick swipe of her foot, Joke is knocked on her ass in the dirt. Aizawa, having seen enough, activates his quirk and wraps his scarf tightly around Jasper's wrist. She looks back at him, shocked to see anger in his eyes. "Sh-Sho, I'm.. I'm sorry." "Joke," he ignores Jasper's apology, "leave, now. You raised a hand to my friend, and I will NOT tolerate it." He knows Jasper would beat Joke in a fight. Why would she? Well, Aizawa wouldn't let Jasper fight alone, that's why. "Fine, but if I leave, we have to have a talk about our relationship!" "Later. As of right now, I'm not sure we have one." That makes everyone freeze. Even Mic's jaw drops. Joke shakes her head, laughing out of sheer disbelief. "You.. you don't mean that. You're just angry." "We'll discuss this later. Leave before I get angry." He isn't already angry? Joke slowly backs away, eventually getting in her car and driving away. Jasper tugs at Aizawa's scarf, which he quikly takes off of her wrist. "I apologize, Jas. I shouldn't have wrapped your wrist so tightly." She looks at the forming red mark and lets out a small chuckle. "Hey, it's nothing Rumi hasn't done to me before, booboo eye." The comment makes his cheeks flush, but his laughter makes the tightness in her chest release. Lilith takes a grand opportunity. "She really prefers the kinky stuff. Ropes were fun, so was the cho-" "Lilith!" "But you can't ever expect her to be on top. Gives her real bad-" "Lilith Maebh Clarey!" Lilith chuckles and crosses her arms over her chest. "What? I'm not wrong." "I-I don't need everyone knowing!" "Oh, but they haven't experienced it, Jas." Mic's eyes suddenly shoot open from the realization. "Woooooah! Have you two..?" "Banged? Yeah, about two years ago. It was fun." Lilith is chuckling, but Jasper buries her face in her hands. "Jas, I promise I look like more of a hoe than you do. I have slept with more than two people." "Can my bedroom stuff just STAY in the BEDROOM?!" Lilith snickers, and Mic quite literally falls onto the ground laughing. Aizawa, however, walks over and places a gentle hand on her shoulder. When she uncovers her bright red face, he smiles softly. "If you're worried that you'll be judged, don't. I'm your friend." Her crystal eyes widen as a smile graces her soft features. A moment of poor judgement cause him to slide his calloused hand from her shoulder to her cheek, caressing it like he should be doing with Joke. Jasper's breath hitches, but she can't force herself to back away. This is wrong. Still, she leans into his hand, enjoying the way he runs his thumb along her cheekbone. Her smaller hand comes up to rest on the back of his, which makes him let out a long, content sigh. What he would give to pull her in just for a small kiss. He wants to be able to laugh at how much he has to bend down to press his lips on hers, or how she would have to stand on the very tips of her toes to keep him from craning his neck too much. What he would give to be in a different universe. A universe where an angel like her could possibly feel the same for the crabby side character.

"This is disgusting." Mic chuckles at Lilith's whisper. Still, she can't keep from beaming at the sight of her best friend practically melting from Aizawa's touch. "You caused this. You did it on purpose, you cheeky minx." She winks at Mic. "Of course I did. I don't see Mirko and Jasper lasting, and I want this to happen. Joke doesn't deserve Eraser. He's a good guy." "Are you a little infatuated with him yourself?" Lilith makes a gagging sound that seems a little too realistic. "As if. You have a better chance at getting in my pants." He raises a blonde eyebrow and smirks. "I do, now? How.. how good of a chance?" Lilith winks, yet again, at the over enthusiastic blonde. "I don't know, Mic. How good of a chance do you want?"

"Sho, you're too sweet." "Try telling Mic that." Her eyes wander to his bare bicep, and she notices scars littering it. "Do you have a lot of scars?" "I mean, I guess so. I don't pay too much attention to them once they're healed. I just hate that the one on my face is so visible." "I.. I like that scar." "I know you do. It gave you a clever nickname for me." She rolls her eyes and he finally pulls his hand from her face. "There's a pond not too far from here. You wanna go feed some ducks.. or something." Her eyes lighten up, and he feels his heart skip a beat. "I love ducks! Hey, Lil- where did Lilith and Mic go?" Aizawa glances where he last remembers seeing their two friends. For some reason, there's now no sign of them. Jasper shrugs. "Maybe they're screwing." "I.. I don't want that image in my mind." Jasper giggles and pats Aizawa on his back. "So.. ducks?" "Yeah, lets go see some ducks before I think about that image anymore." Aizawa leads the way towards the pond. It isn't super fancy or anything, but he likes to take a walk there when work and Joke get to be too much. He really expects her to disregard it entirely. Still, the way she beams when she sees one of the ducks makes him feel... alive. The two of them sit in the grass. When his legs brushes hers, her cheeks warm. "Do you come here often, Sho?" "Mic is my closest friend, but he's super fucking loud. I just sometimes.. I need alone time. Joke doesn't seem to understand that." "Am.. Am I invading that time?" His slate colored eyes turn to her. "You, Jasper, could never invade my alone time." Jasper's giggle makes his heart thump even harder than it already was. He pleas that she can't hear it like he can. A comfortable silence falls over the two friends as they watch a mother duck lead her babies into the pond. After a little bit of swimming, a few of the ducklings start to splash each other with the chilly water, which makes Jasper smile. Across the pond, two teenagers are walking, their hands clasped together. The boy even spins the girl in a circle, no doubt making her laugh. "They look so sweet together." Aizawa follows where Jasper is looking with a chuckle. "You think so?" "I mean, Rumi.. she doesn't let people know about us, really. I understand, though. She's a top hero, so she has fans.. and a reputation. Being seen with a support hero might.. might ruin that, you know? So it always makes me happy to see others so happy showing each other off." Aizawa watches as her eyes lose a bit of their spark. "You want that, don't you?" Her face flushes from embarrassment. "I mean, I don't want to seem ungrateful. I understand the privacy thing." "But you're allowed to want something, Jas." She bites her cheek slightly. She really can't lie to him. "I.. I don't want to be the center of her life. I really don't. I just.. something as little as holding my hand in public would be amazing. Sometimes I just want... I want.." Aizawa scoots a little closer to her, inviting her into the warmth of his embrace. It's not something he offers everyone. "You want..?" "I just want to be.. more appreciated than I feel.." There aren't any tears in her eyes, but he hears them. If she wasn't used to holding her tears back, she would be sobbing at this point. He wraps his arm around her shoulders and pulls her into his side. Jasper closes her eyes and lets out a shaky breath. The heat radiating from Aizawa is comfortable, and the scent of his deodorant is intoxicating. "Sorry, I'm still all sweaty from the spar." "No," she glances up at his face, "I don't mind. You actually smell really nice." He snorts at how cute she is. "Sho, that was the cutest noise I have heard you make." "It was not cute." "Shut up. It was." He smirks, suddenly shoving her back into the grass. "Oh really? Lets see how many cute noises I can pull from you!" He finds different ticklish spots around her ribs effortlessly, and each one makes her squirm like crazy. "S-Sho! S-stop it!" Even though she tries to sound intimidating, the constant laughter and giggles makes it a little hard to take her serious. "I don't listen to brats, Jas, sorry." "F-f-fuck y-you!" Her 'anger' only encourages him. He takes a few smacks to his arms, which sting, but not enough to make him quit. However, one kick knocks him off of her and into- "Sho! Oh shit!" Jasper leaps up and grabs his hand. He stands in the pond, water dripping all the way from the top of his head. Jasper covers her mouth and backs away as he starts ringing out his scarf. He lets out a small chuckle. "I deserved that, honestly." "Sho.. I really didn't mean to do that! I am so sorry!" He shrugs, now pulling his boots off to pour the water out of them. "It's really okay, Jas. Shit happens. Next time I'll make sure to move you away from the pond before I do that again." Despite him still dripping water, she can't help but throw herself into his arms. He feels her trembling and quickly embraces her. "Why are you shaking, Jas?" "I-I was so scared you would be mad.." He sighs and gently rubs up and down her back. "No, honey, I could never-" "W-what?" "I-I-I umm.. I could never be mad at you. Just.. should we go look for Lilith and Mic?" Jasper back away from him, her eyes scanning him. "Sure. Let me-" Her phone rings, and she sighs at the caller ID. "Hey, Rumi. What's up?" "Hey, are you still at your dads'?" "I mean, not at the moment, but I can head that way. Why?" She hears someone else's voice in the background of the phone call. "I know, Keigo- I just need to talk to you. Can you be there in thirty minutes?" "Sure. I'll see you soon. Love you." Like usual, Rumi hangs up without saying it back. "Sho, Rumi.. wants to see me in thirty minutes at my dads' place." "Well, lets go get Mic and Lilith. I should change, too." As the two of them head back to the apartment, Jasper can't help but let her mind wander. Why did Sho call her honey? Was it a slip? Why would it be a slip? Why does Rumi need to see her all of a sudden? Earlier she had told Jasper that she would be with Hawks again today. When they make it back to the parking lot, Jasper can already see Mic and Lilith looking around for them. When they walk closer, she can't help but notice that both of their cheeks are dusted pink. "Hey, there you are. Where did- why is Eraser wet?" "I fell into a pond. Why the hell did you two disappear?" Aizawa raises an eyebrow and looks at Mic. Mic can't lie to Sho. Even if he did, Sho would find out. "Oh, we uh..." "We had another sparring match. Just.. between us.." Lilith rubs the back of her neck awkwardly. "Yeah," Jasper snorts, "and between the sheets, right?" "...Maybe." Aizawa facepalms. "Our old student, seriously?" "Look," Mic holds his hands up, "she's an adult. It has been years, man." Aizawa sighs. "Whatever. I don't care, but Jasper needs to go back to her dads' house." Lilith tilts her head. "Rumi called me. She wants to talk, so once Sho changes we need to go." Aizawa quickly rushes into the aparment to do that. Lilith walks over to her friend. "Are you okay, Jas?" "I'm fine. I don't know what Rumi wants, but someone named Keigo was with her." "Keigo? If I'm correct, that's the number three pro, Hawks." She nods at Mic's words. "That makes sense. I knew she had a friend named Hawks." Lilith crosses her arms over her chest. "But why would she bring him?" "I have no idea, but it is weird, isn't it?" "Sorry, guys. I couldn't find my other boots." Jasper turns and smiles at Aizawa. Now he's in a black long sleeved shirt and grey sweatpants. He works his damp hair into a ponytail with a smile. "Coolio. Lets go!" Mic leads the way to his car with a grin. Lilith gets into the passenger seat, so Aizawa and Jasper get into the back. Jasper gets comfortable behind Mic since she's a good bit shorter than Aizawa. "You feeling okay?" Jasper smiles form Aizawa's concern. "I am, at least for now. We'll see what happens when we get there." He smiles at her, which actually makes her feel a bit better. Anything could happen, but she has her three closest friends right beside her. Because of that, she's going to be okay. Mic pulls into the driveway just as a car parks across the street. "Is that her?" "I guess. I don't recognize that car, honestly." Papa and dad come outside to greet their daughters and the guys, but the sight of Mirko makes them both tilt their head. "Pumpkin," Papa smiles, "did you and Mirko make up?" "I'm.. not sure. She said she needed to talk, so here we are. Dad, this is Aizawa, by the way." Aizawa holds his hand out with a slight bow. "Shouta." "John. It's nice to meet you. Hey, Mic." "Wassup, dad?" Jasper turns as Mirko walks to the porch. Behind her is a blonde haired man with large, crimson wings. Now she sees why everyone calls him Hawks. "Hey, Jasper." "Hi, Rumi. Do I get a hug? I haven't seen-" "I'm going to make this quick, and I guess in front of everyone, so can we all go inside?" Papa opens the door and waits for everyone to file into the living room before he shuts it. Jasper notices Hawks place a box on the floor gently. What the hell was he carrying? When Lilith notices, she goes and takes a protective stance next to Jasper. "Rumi?" Rumi's crimson eyes refuse to meet Jasper's, which slightly angers her. "Japser, I don't think it's going to work between us anymore." The room is silent. Still, in the silence is tension. There's anger radiating from Lilith, Aizawa, and Dad. Everyone else is confused. Why now? Why with that guy no one else knows? "Rumi, is this because of the job, really?" Hawks places a gentle hand on Rumi's shoulder. "It's kind of shitty to be.. having an affair with the white haired girl while saying you're loyal to Mirko.. don't you think?" "FUCKING EXCUSE ME?!" Lilith's outburst makes everyone jump. Jasper grabs one of her arms while Mic grabs the other. Still, it takes Aizawa cancelling her quirk and using his scarf to hold her still. "Lilith, calm-" "She knows DAMN well that we don't do anything! That's a god damn lie! You just texted me the other day asking about Jasper and now you have the god damn NERVE!" Color leaves Rumi's face as dad crosses his arms. "Tell the truth, Mirko. She deserves it." "T-that is-" Papa holds his hand up, cutting her off. "You know it isn't. You can't tell us lies about our daughter and expect us to believe it." Rumi finally sighs. "Fine. I like someone else. I lied, she never cheated on me." The confession slightly calms Lilith down. It's enough where everyone can let her go. Jasper sighs, ignoring the nauseous feeling in her gut. "Can you at least tell me who? I'm not mad." "Hawks, okay?" Now everyone looks at the poor guy, and he turns bright red. "W-woooah! I never-I swear- Mirko what the hell?! That's fucked up!" Her eyes shoot open in shock. "Y-you don't like me?" "What? Of course not! What gave you that idea?!" "You were always with me while she was work-" "Yeah, cause I'm your friend and I was under the impression that she was cheating on you! This is fucked up, man!" Lilith finally walks to Mirko and raises her fist, but Hawks grabs it in his hand. "What the- Okay, bird brain!" When her foot lifts, he's brought to his knees. Jasper looks away from the absolute cheap shot Lilith got on the poor guy. "I'm going to turn you into a fucking key chain, Mirko." "Try me." "Enough!" Aizawa shoots his scarf out and yanks Lilith into his grasp. "Calm down for now. Handle this later. Look at Jasper!" Lilith finally takes a long look at her friend, and every bit of anger leaves her body. Jasper is staring at the promise ring Mirko got her. She can see so many emotions swimming in her eyes as she takes it off. "Rumi, I'll pack your stuff from the apartment when I go back. For now, here." She flicks the ring at her ex girlfriend with a sigh. "Jasper, wait, maybe I-" Jasper shakes her head and goes to open the front door. "Get out of my house. Both of you." When they walk out, she slams the door in Mirko's face. Aizawa takes his scarf off of Lilith so she can go to Jasper. "Jas? Are you okay?" Jasper tries to smile, but the wall finally breaks. Thankfully, Lilith is there waiting to pull her into her embrace. "It's okay, Jas, I've got you." "I-I knew.. I knew it wouldn't work, so w-why am I-I so hurt..?" Lilith buries her face in the honey colored curls on Jasper's head. "You're allowed to hurt, Jas. You're human." When she sees Papa and dad walk over, she slowly pushes Jasper from her. Jasper meets her parent's eyes and tries to smile again. "I'm okay.. I'm a big girl.." Dad kneels in front of her with a smile. "I know, angel, but even adults need love." Papa nods and kneels beside his husband. "You might be an adult, but you're still our pumpkin. Now come here and let us hold you." She can't help but fall into their familiar embrace. Aizawa and Mic watch quietly, and Lilith goes to place her head on Mic's arm. "Lilith," he whispers, "you think she'll be okay?" She nods. "She's strong. She just needs time." Mic wait until Jasper stands again to go over and kiss the top of her head. "Is there anything I can do for you, baby?" She chuckles dryly. "Just please forgive how ridiculous I look right now." Mic chuckles and gives her a bone crushing hug. She looks to meet Aizawa's eyes. When she does, he stops leaning on the wall and walks over to her. "Sho, I'm so sorr-" "No ma'am." The tone makes her eyes widen. "You have no reason to apologize to me. I'm sorry you have to go through this. However," he reaches towards her, "you'll never go through it alone." His thumb wipes tears from her cheek. For a little while, the two of them forget about what's going on. In his eyes, she sees a Prince. The Prince is in a hopeless relationship with a Princess form another kingdom, and he only keeps it because it's the right thing to do. Her? She's just a local of the kingdom who happened to get a job serving the king. The two form a bond, but they could never be. In her eyes, he sees a strong Princess. He's nothing but a fool, the one no one pays attention to. Yet, for some reason, she graces his dreary life with a vibrant smile and a laugh that can brighten the darkest days. Yet, one person keeps them from each other, and getting rid of that person makes him look more than a fool. He looks evil when getting rid of her because only a few people know the truth. Only one has seen his tears, and only few others have heard the stories. "Sho.." "Y-yeah?" She smiles and walks close enough to lay her head on his chest. His thudding heartbeat brings a sense of comfort. "Thank you. I.. I don't deserve a friend like you." He wraps his arms around her with a sigh. 'No, my dear, you deserve so much more, but it isn't my place. Not yet...'

@katgalle

#shouta aizawa #aizawa shouta #bnha aizawa #mha aizawa #aizawa x oc #present mic #mha #bnha #ua staff #mha oc #bnha oc

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aliceslantern · 5 years

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Beyond this Existence: Counterpoint, a Kingdom Hearts fanfiction, chapter 1

Summary: After being recompleted, Ienzo vows to do everything in his power to atone for the atrocities he committed in the past. But this life hasn't been easy, and he's plagued with memories and nightmares. When Demyx suddenly reappears, the two discover that they have more in common than they thought, though the secrets in their past might tear them apart. Zemyx (Demyx/Ienzo), post kh3. Companion POVquel to Beyond this Existence.

Read it on FF.net/ on AO3

Ienzo did not believe in fate.

There was a structure to fate, based heavily in choice and self-fulfilling prophecy. The human will was strong, and to the untrained eye willing things into existence could be interpreted as near to divine. Still. Lately there had been more than enough coincidence to make him uncomfortable. For so long, they had all worked in theory, guessing how the human heart and will and mind all worked, only for their hypotheses to come out right, after all that experimentation. It was a bit boggling. And not necessarily in a good way.

"Lost you in thought again, my boy?" Ansem asked kindly.

Ienzo looked over at his master, who was pecking away at the keys of his computer, refamiliarizing himself with the layout and content. Things were still misplaced from the brush with Sark and the MCP, and they'd been too busy to spend time reorganizing. Now that the worst of the chaos was over, it was time to clean up, take stock, and move on.

He did not know what that entailed. "Apologies, Master."

"No need to apologize. You were always a pensive child. Don't be afraid to think aloud. I should like to get to know you again."

Ienzo sighed. It was… odd… to be near Ansem again, and to spend time with him. It had once felt so natural and comfortable, but now he felt ill at ease. Even though he had apologized, and Ansem not only graciously accepted that apology but then turned it back on him, he still felt… unclean. Since they had all been back together again, there was a need to let life go on like it used to be. But everyone was different. Especially Ienzo. He had changed, and not just physically. There was still so much to come to terms with, least of all his own mind.

As a Nobody, sorting his thoughts and feelings (if you could call them that) had been so easy. With minimal physiological sensation, tracing sources and rationalizing had been simple. Now, even setting aside more time than usual to reflect, his thoughts and yes, emotions, were jumbled, messy, and nearly impossible to deal with. Anxiety, even as a Nobody, was a natural response, but even with limited or no stimuli he would feel it creep into his body anyway. And the reunion with Ansem seemed to have been the point where it all intensified.

"I'm thinking about how my peculiar upbringing may have altered my perception concerning emotion," Ienzo said.

"Yes, I imagine it would. Emotion as a child and emotion as an adult are vastly different, and you woke up with a completely new mind, literally speaking. How are you coping?"

Ienzo bristled. How could he tell Ansem the truth? What comfort had he earned from him? He still had so much to do to prove himself. "Well enough. I find it fascinating. I'm my own case study."

Ansem chuckled. "That's a good attitude to have. You're young. I'm certain you will adjust well, so long as you take the time you need."

Ienzo nodded. He wasn't so certain what Ansem was saying was true. He felt the now-familiar slickness of anxiety heighten his heart rate and tried to take deep breaths as quietly as he could.

His gummiphone started ringing. It had been a while since anyone had contacted him. There were a few text messages from the Restoration Committee now that they had a line of their own; Chip and Dale also reached out every week or so to say hello. He hadn't heard from any of the guardians in a while, though, so when he saw Riku on the caller ID he smiled a little, and answered.

Riku did not have his video enabled. Ienzo could hear the gentle wash of the waves in the background, and the wind. Riku did not speak, and Ienzo wondered if this was some sort of accidental call. The gummiphones were great, but not without their own glitches and quirks. "Is anyone there?" Ienzo asked.

"I'm here." There was an edge to Riku's voice that Ienzo recognized; he'd heard it in his own when Ansem had come back. Fear. Heartbreak. "I'm… sorry, I didn't know who else to call."

Ansem shot Ienzo a look. Ienzo shrugged. "Is everything all right? You sound distressed."

Riku explained the situation. He masked the pain in his voice well, but to Ienzo it was obvious. Sora still hadn't come back. He'd vanished, without a trace, gone to some place where the gummiphones couldn't reach. But the scariest thing was that Riku could no longer feel a connection to him at all.

"Ever since the Mark of Mastery test, I could feel him, his heart. But for whatever reason that's gone. And I'm not sure if that means he might be… just like Kairi…" His voice broke a little more. He must have held the phone away from his face-the sound of the waves intensified.

The acidic flush of anxiety already boiling within Ienzo worsened. He took a tense breath through his teeth to try and think clearly. His mind was buzzing. He tried to say something of comfort, but the only thing he could think was that it was all-too-likely Sora was dead as well. Especially if he were trying to retrieve Kairi from the clutches of death-

"Is there anything you know?" Riku asked. "You know a lot about hearts."

"I suppose… perhaps…" Breathe, Ienzo. "The connection may have weakened, but there's no reason to think it's still not there." Sora's bright, cheerful face flashed behind his eyes. He felt almost like he was being choked, and absolutely without warning he saw another face, Riku's face, Riku but not Riku, sharp bladed gloves against his throat-

"I'm going to Yen Sid to see what he knows, what this might mean. Is there maybe something in your research that could help us?"

Ienzo's muscles were tight. This is completely irrational. Get yourself under control. "I'll take a look through what I have," he said in a strained voice.

"Thank you. I'll keep you posted."

Ienzo wanted to say something of worth, of comfort, to tell Riku to take care of himself, but he could not speak. With a shaking hand, he hung up.

"Are you quite alright?" Ansem asked.

Feeling like he could not breathe was merely psychological. There was nothing wrong with him. He was not dying. Not being strangled. Not watching Axel's laughing green eyes as the puppet slowly drained away his life-

That had been Zexion. This was Ienzo, and he was fine, he was not being choked, he had received some bad news. Ienzo could deal with bad news. Ienzo worked very well under pressure. Ienzo was-could be-good.

Ansem touched his shoulder. "Ienzo?"

He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, Master. I don't know what came over me." To his mollification, he felt a tear run down his face, though only on the right side where it was hidden by hair. Before he could properly explain the situation, he heard footsteps on the smooth glass floor of the lab.

"Oh, this is rich," Dilan said, laughing a little. "You'll never guess who the cat dragged in. Turns out there are no more Xehanorts running around, as you have worried. Demyx is here. And he's alive. Technically speaking."

No. Ienzo did not believe in fate.

They'd put him in the spare bedroom, the one that had been reserved for the seventh apprentice Ansem had never fully brought on. (Lea and Isa, he decided, did not count. After all, where were they now?)

Demyx was unconscious. Not unlike Even after Xehanort's death, he'd fallen into a feverish, comatose state after the piece of heart cut through him. It must have been on a delay due to all his travel between worlds with odd time streams. Ienzo regarded him curiously. Their only interaction in all this time had been the day of Ansem's reunion, and Ienzo's emotions had run too high to process his appearance. All Ienzo remembered was that his willingness to help Even and defect against Xehanort was surprising.

He looked poorly. He'd lost some weight, and his body was racked with feverish chills. Even was at his side, tending to him and taking notes.

"...He's not a vessel?" Ienzo asked.

"I don't believe so. I've already checked his eyes. Not gold. Look." Matter-of-factly, he pulled back one of Demyx's eyelids, as if he were also one of the faceless replicas. Ienzo could barely see a sliver of teal.

"Do you think he's trustworthy?" Ienzo asked softly.

"I do not believe he'd cause any harm to us," Even said. "He was rather helpful with the replicas."

"The boy holds no ill will. We did not speak much, admittedly, but he seemed all too happy to get a move in edgewise," Ansem said. "I believe he was merely swayed. And we can sway him back to us, if need be."

"I'll monitor him, but he should be up and about before long." Even shook his head. "Nasty business. At least it's all over now." He picked up Demyx's ragged old coat. "I'll put this filthy thing in the wash with mine. Best to hold onto. Just in case."

They both turned and left. Ienzo tried to follow, with the intent to try and solve the Sora conundrum, but he couldn't help but look back. He decided he would have some tea.

Ienzo sat with his mug and shut his eyes. It was time to figure some things out. Not in a short period at the end of the day, as Zexion had been wont to do, but now. Perhaps he had to do this practice more often, now that he was human.

He was not Zexion. He was Ienzo.

Deep breaths.

He couldn't deny the fact that Demyx's reappearance just worsened his anxiety. Not because of any negative feelings he harbored towards him-Ienzo didn't feel particularly anything towards Demyx at either extreme-but because of what it implied. Radiant Garden was different. The apprentices were different. They couldn't just pick up their lives as if nothing had happened, not that Ienzo would want to. If anything, his appearance symbolized the two lives crashing together. Things would always be off-kilter. As much as Ienzo told himself this, he didn't quite feel it. It was so much harder to internalize fact as a human.

At least, he thought, if both Demyx and Even had lost the pieces of Xehanort's heart that had been thrust upon them, there was no chance of Xehanort returning in any form. He tried to take comfort in this. And Xehanort would never return to be an apprentice.

Ienzo's tea was bitter. As much as he had tried to busy himself, Xehanort's and Braig's absences were quite obvious, though none of them would dare bring it up. They had been a team once, a unit, you could even go so far as to say they were a fa-

He cut off the thought. It did no good to dwell on these things.

Breathe. Deeply.

"I'm not sure if this is a blessing or a curse," Dilan said as he approached in Ienzo's peripheral vision.

"I feel no way particularly. Everyone deserves a second chance. Him too."

Dilan shook his head. "We'll see how humanity fares for him. For all we know his transformation will be as dramatic as yours."

Ienzo frowned despite himself. "Whatever do you mean?"

"You, Zexion… night and day. Down to the way you're dressed." He gestured to the white lab coat that the apprentices wore most of the time.

"Perhaps it's because I've seen the error of my ways, and seek to change," Ienzo said. "You must admit. All that plotting and scheming… is very tiring."

Dilan shrugged.

"Are you not glad for a second chance?"

"I suppose I must be. Especially with Ansem here again. We can do some good for once." He hesitated, and Ienzo wondered if he wanted to sit. Ienzo realized he did not want that. He and Dilan had grown apart in the Organization, and now their relationship was a touch strained. "I feel bad for you. You've missed the majority of your youth in that hellish nightmare."

"As I'm becoming aware," Ienzo said. He felt a heat starting in his cheeks. Was he angry at Dilan? Why? It was true; Ienzo had missed most of his life. Even if he had stayed an apprentice, he still could have gone to normal school, had typical friends, would have developed in a way that would allow him to feel and express emotion properly.

"I do hope you find some way to make up for it," Dilan said.

"There are other matters to attend to first," Ienzo said.

"Yes… I suppose there are." He looked at his wristwatch and sighed. "I'm going to relieve Aeleus. See you later."

For a while after he left Ienzo sat, trying to nurse the absolutely awful tea and find a way to stand and get some work done. Tides of emotion threatened to break over him, each stronger than the last. He breathed. He sipped. He decided that he would go to the library for some light reading on abnormal psychology-surely average, well-adjusted adults didn't feel like this all the time? Firstly, though, he needed to eat. His appetite had been very poor lately, and he had to maintain weight.

He put up oatmeal and let it cook, slowly, sweetening it the way Even had when he was a small boy, with sugar and honey, remembering how he'd tell him that keeping his blood sugar up was important to think clearly. With a gentle pat on the head.

Even was not the same either. He still had the hard edge that he'd gained as Vexen. Or maybe it was just that Ienzo was no longer a child, and had lost the tenderness usually afforded to one.

Before Ienzo could begin to think about why this was important, he heard the soft squeak of floorboards coming from the guest room. Demyx must have woken up. Exactly how much time had passed? Ienzo checked the gummiphone; at least two hours.

I must keep better track of my reflection time.

He sighed, and stood. He did not feel like having this conversation, but if Demyx felt even half as confused as he did, he deserved it. He approached slowly, opened the cracked door. "I thought I heard something," he said. "I think it's time we had that chat."

Demyx's eyes were wide, frightened and, Ienzo noted with a hint of relief, still completely free of gold. He gestured for Demyx to follow him back to the kitchen. He handed him tea. He expected some of the exuberant chattiness that had filled their last meeting, and found none. Demyx kept looking around the room, as though disoriented.

"I'm sure you have a lot of questions," Ienzo continued. Demyx was staring at him oddly. "Even was worried, but I knew you'd come around."

He was full of tension. Ienzo could see that much. "What happened? Why are my-" He touched near his eye.

He really did know nothing. "I admit we were confused about that at first, but it's really quite simple. When Xehanort was killed, the piece of his heart that had been put inside you must have been purged. Even went through the same thing. So the good news is that you're a vessel no longer."

"I'm not?"

"It seems like you were one of the lucky ones," Ienzo said. He ladled out two bowls and placed one in front of Demyx. "If you had been a true vessel, you probably would have perished." And been recompleted far less messily. Ienzo considered what he himself was going through. Which was harder-being gradually eased into humanity, or thrust into it all at once? Necessary change, but painful.

Demyx said nothing. He bit his lip.

"It'll take time for your heart to grow back and for you to adjust. Thankfully, time is something we have a lot of now." He forced a smile. "Roxas and Naminé send their thanks. It's partially because of you, after all, that they became their own people again." This much was true. The vessel Demyx brought had given them just the information they needed to be able to make new ones. And Ansem had been there to help, after all, brought out of his months of wandering in the darkness.

Demyx continued to be silent. It was, perhaps, the quietest Ienzo had ever heard him be. His emotions flickered across his face clear as day; worry, fear, relief. They lacked the slickness of recreated Nobody emotion.

"You must be overwhelmed," Ienzo said haltingly. "I assume this reticence will pass. You should eat. Get your strength back."

He listened, and for a time they ate in silence. At least the oatmeal wasn't as bitter as the tea. Ienzo really needed to cook a proper meal one of these days. They'd been living off of nonperishable goods, too busy to go to the marketplace daily. "Where are they?" Demyx asked suddenly.

"Roxas and Naminé? I'm not quite sure. I believe they're in Destiny Islands at the moment, with nearly everyone else." Roxas didn't have his own gummiphone, as far as Ienzo was aware, so it wasn't like he could hear from them. To his shock, Demyx was actually tearing up, and trying very poorly not to give in to it. Ienzo had never seen him express anything like this; he had always been so callous and crass in the past, uncaring. Was this empathy? Or simply being overwhelmed? Ienzo wondered if Dilan might be right after all, and offered him a napkin to dry his eyes.

"Your heart might not take that long after all," Ienzo said lightly.

"Did you just crack a joke?" Demyx asked between sobs.

"I do have a sense of humor," he said. "Why don't you come get some rest?"

Ienzo decided to take his own advice. He too was exhausted, reeling from the events of the day and in desperate need of some quiet. He took off his lab coat, put on some less formal clothing, and crawled under the covers of his childhood bed.

Being in this room was still strange. He'd already set aside most of the few toys he'd still had as a little boy, as well as most of the books he used to read. A lot of volumes from his current research or reading sat around in various states of organization. Part of him itched to clean it up, to make it a different space, but his body weighed him down.

Sleeping was… difficult.

Even as Zexion he'd had difficulty sleeping, thoughts swirling and pinging against one another. Adding humanity made this necessary bodily function almost impossible. The anxiety of the day welled under his skin. He'd considered asking Even for a mild sedative, but then he'd have to explain why it was he couldn't get any sleep, and the embarrassment of that alone held him back. They would think even less of him if they knew he couldn't even handle these new emotions. This new body. It did feel new, in a way, even though it was all the same as Zexion's. He touched the scars at the base of his throat where the Riku replica had strangled him.

There were so many thoughts to dwell on. Not enough time to process. Especially now that he had so much work to do. There had to be some way he could help Sora. Ienzo couldn't help but feel this was all his fault somehow. If the darkness hadn't spread the way his experiments had enable it to-

There was no way he was getting any sleep tonight. He sat up. He figured he might as well get some work done.

"Ienzo, my boy, what are you still doing here?"

Ienzo jerked, startled from the complex web of words on the screen.

Ansem, in his casual clothing, approached him. "Ah, there it is," he said. He picked up a book that he had left by the computer. "I finally decided to try and relax, and I leave behind my novel. My memory is not as good as it used to be."

Ienzo set about shutting off the computer. It was so late as to be early. For the first time, he noticed he had a vicious headache, particularly behind his eyes. He must have completely dissociated, which was worrying, to say the least.

"Something weighs heavily on your mind," Ansem said gently. "I can feel it. Speak, Ienzo. You mustn't bear burdens all by yourself."

Ienzo exhaled. "My emotional state today has been… worrying," he said haltingly. "I feel intense, borderline pathological anxiety."

Ansem considered this. "So you lied to me earlier today," he said. "Why is that?"

Ienzo shook his head. "I do not deserve to be comforted. Not when I-" He could feel the harsh tightness in his throat. The soft glint in Ansem's eye did not help this.

"Ienzo, we have discussed this. You were a little boy. You cannot take fault for what happened. You are fixing your mistakes now."

"But it can never make up for what I-" A hot, potent mixture of chagrin and guilt washed over him. He struggled not to cry.

"My dear, dear Ienzo," Ansem said. "You have already accomplished more than I thought possible in the way of good. Tell me what it is you feel. Truthfully."

"I feel…" He could feel the strength leaching from him. "Ashamed, and frightened, and sad, all at once. I constantly feel everything concurrently. Is this what it is to be human?"

"Yes-it is especially more intense when one is young."

"I am not myself," Ienzo said. "I am…"

"A work in progress," Ansem said gently. "As are most people, certainly people your age."

"Things between all of us do not feel right either."

"I agree," Ansem said. "It will take much forgiveness for us all to heal. It is a process."

"I was naive enough to wish these things would be done with."

"Not naive. Hopeful." Ansem squeezed his shoulder. "Let me make you some chamomile tea."

When he finally did sleep, curled on the old loveseat in Ansem's quarters, it was fitfully and vaporously. He could still feel the replica's fingers around his throat, the suit's sharp scales cutting through the soft skin. Nobodies did not feel much but he felt the fear tear through him. And then felt it when he woke up as Ienzo, bleeding and weeping as Aeleus worried over Dilan's motionless, bloodied body. And felt it the third time as he woke up.

Groggily, Ienzo pushed himself off the couch, padded over to Ansem's personal bookshelf, and started searching. He found it, dog-eared and worn, towards the bottom of the case. He blew the dust off it.

Post-traumatic stress, originally known as "shell shock", is a psychological condition in which an individual-

Frustrated, he put the book back. This wasn't helping. If anything, he was shakier and woozier than ever, and his head still pounded.

Of course he couldn't come out of all that without scars, literal and figurative ones. But the fact that he finally had life back and now had to experience this was… a little galling. To say the least.

"Good morning, Ienzo." Ansem was making coffee in the apartment's kitchen. "I figured it was better to let you sleep here rather than make you tramp all the way back to your room. You looked quite exhausted."

"I was. I am," he said.

"Understandably so. I have an errand for you, if you feel up to it. Maybe some fresh air would do you some good."

In all honesty, Ienzo could not remember the last time he'd been outside the castle confines. "Yes. Perhaps."

"I'd like you to get some clothing for Demyx. I do not want to see those coats again if I don't have to. And I suspect you must need some yourself. You've outgrown your old things, no doubt." With a wink.

"You're not incorrect." It had been almost funny, going through his dresser drawers and finding all the small clothing. Funny and also sad. The small lab coat had been handsewn, tenderly, from an adult one. In the hope that he too might grow into their profession.

Ansem crossed over to his desk and took out a small purse of money. "Take your time. I daresay you need it."

The light, even for fall, seemed piercingly bright outside, and he flinched until his eyes adjusted. The violet sky was free of clouds. Ienzo could hear the tolling of bells above that signified a new hour.

This was home.

Still. Despite the ongoing restoration of the town, there was damage lingering from both the initial fall to darkness and the massive Heartless mob that the first Organization had sent. Ienzo couldn't help but be thankful that Zexion had passed by then. Otherwise that plan would have also been added to his heavy conscience.

The town was growing as people returned from Traverse Town. The Heartless population, thanks to Cid's claymores and the end of Xehanort, was low. Life was moving on.

It did not feel that way.

Ienzo shook his head to ward off the thoughts and went to the market.

The clothing seller was kind, and didn't charge him very much. Ienzo picked out a few simple things for himself and Demyx. It should not feel strange to shop. It should not feel strange to share small talk with the vendors. And yet, it did.

While he was here, he picked up some fresh groceries. There was order in food, simplicity, and it grounded him. For the first time in all too long he looked forward to this meal, rather than having it be just another thing to get through.

"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes!"

The voice, feminine and shrill, startled him. Ienzo fought hard to put on a smile. "Hello, Yuffie."

"How you been?" Despite being ex-Organization, the Restoration Committee had been generously welcoming to him. Ienzo looked over at the girl, only slightly younger than he himself was. And yet, throughout all these years, even she as a child was capable of making good choices, threw herself into the resistance-

"I am well. And yourself?"

"I'm great! You know, you should stop by sometime. You don't have to stay holed up in your castle all day. You're home."

"I admit I have to keep reminding myself of that."

She laughed. "It still does feel kinda weird. But you know. I don't really like normal." She shrugged. "What've you got there?"

"Basic supplies. Food. Clothing. One of the old Organization members returned. He's staying with us for now."

"Oh? Which one?"

"You know him as Demyx. He hasn't given his other name to us yet."

She frowned. "I remember him. He was the one who came on the day of the Thousand Heartless."

"I realize this. But I believe, or at least I hope, that he will have changed as much as the rest of us. He did help us with Roxas and Naminé."

Yuffie sighed. "We'll see. Anyway, I gotta go. Patrol. You know how it is."

"I'm sure there's no need to keep up such vigorous rounds."

She rolled her eyes. "I agree, but tell Squall that. He's paranoid even though things have calmed way down. I can't help but humor the guy. It keeps me busy. And hey. Don't be a stranger. You could use some new friends." She saluted, and set off.

Ienzo, somewhat automatically, turned and began heading to the castle. The brightness and density of the marketplace was leaving him feeling frazzled, anxious, and overstimulated. Yuffie was right; he could use friends, friends closer to his own age. The sheer strength of the Guardians of Light was testament to that. And yet… should he find the courage to drop by for a visit, how would he proceed? What would he talk about? Surely they must have known everything he'd done?

He shook his head. He had a lot of reflection to do before he was ready for that.

Ienzo spent the rest of the day cleaning the kitchen in Ansem's quarters. It was much nicer, and better-equipped, than the one the rest of the apprentices shared. But like the rest of the castle, it was dirty and in disrepair, and making it habitable hadn't been high on Ansem's list of priorities. He scrubbed at tile and countertops. Nothing wanted to be all the way clean, and the rust would absolutely not come off the burners on the stove. Ienzo did not stop until he realized his hands were smarting from all the chemicals.

"I should have worn gloves," he muttered. "Careless."

He prepared a roasting chicken and stuffing. Food was easy. Objective. There was nothing bad that could come from making food for others. He watched it all cook, and tried to convince himself things would be alright.

The next day the skies opened up, and it rained.

It had been months since he'd seen a storm like this. From his bed after another sleepless night he observed it fall. Cool air blew under his poorly insulated window.

Ienzo had to come up with a plan. Enough dallying about. Starting today he would do whatever was in his power to help Sora. If they could so much as contact him, it would be worth it. After all of Sora's suffering at Castle Oblivion, it was the least he could do. He dressed in his lab uniform, tightening the ascot at his throat to hide the scars.

He would fix this.

Except the files did not want to agree with him.

He must've spent hours looking through the archives. It was hopelessly disorganized, ripped apart by Sark, and the data from the Organization hadn't yet been uploaded. Rather than do anything of actual help, he had to sort the files, bit by bit, some of it pure guesswork because most of this research was not his.

"Have you a moment?" Even looked irritated; then again, lately he always did.

"Of course. Whatever is the matter?" He kept pulling files this way and that off of the cluttered screen.

"You no longer have any of your Nobody abilities, correct?"

Ienzo looked up. "That is correct." In their first confusing days of humanity, they'd all tried to connect with their powers. Trying to summon his lexicon or perform even the most minute glamor had given him a terrific migraine that put him in bed for the better part of two days. "Why is it you ask? You haven't either, have you?"

"I have tried, and I cannot," Even said. "I wanted to make sure. He found out."

"Who? Demyx?"

Even nodded. "I wonder if my tone might have been too sharp. He did look rather distressed."

Ienzo sighed. They all knew how attached Demyx was to his sitar; going without it must be something akin to withdrawal.

"But what is it I'm to do? I'm not a miracle worker. And if I'm being honest, I'm quite content with how silent things are around here."

"Strictly speaking, there is nothing we can do. Aside from have patience. Oh, that reminds me. I was supposed to have dropped off those clothes. My memory has not been great lately."

"You've had a lot on your mind," Even said. "I suspect we all have. I'll be glad to not see another one of those infernal cloaks. So drab. So… cult-like."

Ienzo looked back to the computer. "Master Ansem said essentially the same thing. I suppose I should take care of it now." He dreaded seeing Demyx's face, of trying to find words of comfort. He understood his distress, but the fact that he was actively grieving part of that Nobody life reviled him.

"I shall walk with you."

They left. The castle was so large, and yet they really lived in such a small part of it. The rest of it sat vacant, unused, and gradually decaying. The carpet at their feet was worn.

"It's a shame," Even said. He scruffed the carpet with the toe of his shoe. "Things here were once so beautiful. If the committee were not so busy we could use their assistance. This place is a shell of what it once was."

"You have to admit it feels rather significant," Ienzo said.

"Too on the nose, for my tastes," Even said. He shook his head. "We're not shells of who we once were. We've changed and adapted. You most of all. I miss being so pliable."

"...So I've heard," Ienzo said sourly. "I assure you it is not as easy as it looks."

"My apologies."

A sharp emotion tightened in his throat. Ienzo found himself wanting to confide in Even, wanting to beg him to help, like when he was a child. Wanting to be comforted, coddled, even though he had done nothing to warrant such niceties. "If only times were simpler," he said. "I feel as if I've no time to look after myself-what with Sora's disappearance and Demyx's arrival."

"Sora's disappeared?"

Of course, holed up in his lab all day, Even wouldn't know. Ienzo explained what happened.

"...How curious," Even said, his lips turning down. "I wonder if there's any of his data somewhere?"

"Sora's? I do not know. I'm not sure how his friends would feel if he were a replica, though."

Even sighed. "I've tried to recreate Sora's heart, and we remember know what happened with that," he said. "As proud as I am of Xion's sentience and personhood, unfortunately his heart is so special that it seems to be a moot option. Best not to give them hope."

Ienzo hesitated.

"I thought I'd taught you better," Even said.

"You should have heard Riku's voice."

"I'm surprised you feel so strongly about him, not when you have such poor memories of him."

"That was your replica, might I remind you," Ienzo snapped.

Even raised an eyebrow. "The Riku replica? What about it?"

Ienzo froze. Even didn't know. "Never mind," he said evasively.

"Boy, tell me," Even said thickly.

Automatically, Ienzo's hands fluttered to his throat, and he fought to steady them.

"Ienzo," Even said.

Slick, sparkling, spicy anxiety swept through him. He tried to steady his breath, but the tightness in his chest was was it he could not get himself under control?

"Oh, Ienzo," Even said.

"If you must know," Ienzo forced out between breaths. "Axel had the Riku replica kill Zexion."

"He did?" Even barked out a strange laugh. "Axel killed Vexen."

A wave of dizziness nearly overcame Ienzo. Even placed a hand on Ienzo's shoulder.

"How is it you're feeling?"

"I don't understand," Ienzo said. "I don't understand what it is I'm feeling."

"Intense, paralyzing panic?" Even suggested.

"Yes-perhaps-" His knees were weak and shaking.

"You should sit down and focus on modulating your breathing," Even said. He took Ienzo by the elbow and helped him sit down on the floor. "It's alright. This is a normal reaction to recalling something traumatic-"

"Believe me, I know," Ienzo hissed. "I am perfectly aware of what this is." It didn't help, he thought.

"Count to ten," Even said. "Deep, steady breaths."

He tried. His desire to confide in Even completely gave way to an abject humiliation. "Why is it you do not feel that way?" Ienzo said.

"Perhaps my heart is not quite as developed as yours," Even said. "Perhaps it is that I have not processed it all, yet."

"I do not wish to speak of it at the moment," Ienzo said. His chest still ached terrifically. "I must… I must go." He pulled away from Even. Standing gave him a wave of vertigo. He stumbled down the hallways, nearly getting lost in the familiar twists and turns, until he reached his bedroom. Ienzo lay down on his bed for a moment. He breathed and breathed until he no longer had to think about it. He shook himself. Gathered up the bundle of clothes. Prepared himself for another awkward conversation.

He knocked at the door and waited for a moment. There was no response. Ienzo struggled to put on a neutral face and cracked the door. "Sorry to intrude. Ansem suggested you might like something else to wear, other than… that." Demyx was pale and wan and washed out, especially against the black of the coat. Ienzo realized just how obvious his cheekbones were in his face, how much weight he'd lost. "Doubtful you'll need its protection any time soon."

He was silent. There was an empty, frightened look in his eye, and to Ienzo's surprise when he caught his own reflection in the small dresser mirror, he wore the same expression.

Ienzo swallowed. He put the clothes down and hugged himself tightly. It didn't help much. "I realize this process has not been easy for you-"

Demyx's eyes flitted to meet his, and then he looked away.

He didn't know how to find the words. "I failed to make the connection. I didn't realize that gaining your humanity would result in another type of loss. But of course your connection to your power must have run deeply."

"It's just always been there," he said. "I feel like part of me has died."

Ienzo bristled a little. How could he not see the opportunity he'd been handed? Yet, at the same time, he couldn't help but agree- "Yes. I imagine it would."

"Don't you feel the same way?" Demyx turned towards him. His bright eyes sought Ienzo's. "I mean, in a sick way, becoming Nobodies kind of brought out the best parts of us."

Bile rose in Ienzo's throat. He looked down. The anxiety was back, worse than before, and all he could say was, "I disagree." How could he think that? If anything, being a Nobody had just enabled Zexion's dark nature, and instead he'd just kept committing atrocities in the name of science.

Demyx blushed.

Ienzo was shaking. "I'll let you rest," he said woodenly, and left the room.

He found himself crouched over the toilet, heaving emptily because he'd forgotten to eat that day.

The memories poured behind his eyes. How had he been so cruel? Was it ever possible to make up for it? So many worlds had fallen. So many people had-

That didn't even count the initial spread of darkness. If he had not listened to Xehanort and encouraged all those extra tests on the subjects-

Ienzo spit weakly. He crossed over to the sink, pulled back his hair, washed his face.

He really was not well. The ripples of the old life were clearly not going to settle any time soon. How on earth was he going to learn to manage them?

There was something he could do. He could help Sora. Helping Sora would save people. Maybe he could save himself in the process.

Some hope.

He picked up his gummiphone and dialed Ansem. "Master? Can you help me?"

#beyond this existence #ienzo #demyx #demyx/ienzo #zemyx #beyond this existence: counterpoint #yeah it's a povquel #but writing Ienzo is so much fun holy shit

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al-damnvers-spam · 5 years

Note

Hey! If you would want could you write an agentcorp prompt based on the song “break up in the end” by Cole swindell if possible. Sort of like Alex reminiscing on her relationship with Lena but knowing she would do it all over again. maybe they get back together in the end? Thank you

This one was interesting to write, especially because I’d never heard the song before. But I had so much fun with it. And I learned that I love song fics, so y’all should send me more. Also, I’m gonna start to add all these oneshots into one of my compilations on AO3, to keep track of them! :)

Present Day

Alex laid on the couch around midnight one night, an empty whiskey glass on her coffee table, the television on in the background. Truthfully, she barely remembered what she was watching, she just had it on so she didn’t feel so goddamn alone. Kara had been there most of the day, but Alex told her to go home after dinner. As much as she loved her sister, she needed to figure this out on her own. A lot had happened in the two months since she and Lena had broken up, but every time she had a moment of quiet, her thoughts immediately went to the most beautiful and heartbreaking relationship she’d ever had. Sad ending or no, she wouldn’t change any of it, not a single day. So, as she did many nights, she sat there, just reliving it all.

I still walk in that bar a little drunk

I still ask you what you’re drinking, “What’s your name?”

I still kiss you by the shuffleboard, last call at 2AM

Even though we break up in the end…

One Year Ago

“Kara, who’s this with you?” Alex asked, sitting clumsily next to the dark haired woman that was beside her sister.

“Are you drunk, Alex?”

“No. Not at all.” Alex shook her head, though she was a little tipsy. Kara just shook her head with a chuckle and ordered her sister a glass of water.

“Alex, this is my friend Lena. You remember her from the CatCo article I did a few months ago?”

Alex smiled and outstretched a hand for Lena to shake. “Nice to meet you, Lena. I’m Alex.”

“Nice to meet you, Alex.” Lena replied politely. When Kara had mentioned her genius sister, this wasn’t what she’d expected. The three of them talked a little bit, with Alex becoming more and more endearing as she started to sober up a little throughout the evening.

“So, Lena, as a fellow scientist… what are your thoughts on the recent developments in the bioengineering world?” Alex asked. That seemed to get Lena talking. In fact, she and Alex didn’t stop talking for at least two hours. Even after Kara left for the night, they were still there. It was getting close to 2am and the bar would be closing soon, but Alex and Lena were taking their sweet time leaving. Eventually, they started to walk to the door, still chatting away.

“This conversation has been absolutely amazing, Alex.” Lena smiled, scribbling something on a napkin. “Here’s my phone number, in case you ever want to talk again. Honestly, no one has really understood me so quickly before.”

“I’m just observant.” Alex chuckled. “But, I’d be glad to hang out again sometime. Really, it would be amazing.”

She took the napkin and carefully put it in her pocket. As she looked over at Lena, she couldn’t help but kiss her cheek quickly.

“What was that for?” Lena asked, her cheeks bright red.

“I just… I really like you. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I just–”

“No, it’s okay, you just surprised me.” Lena explained, then looked over at her. “Alex, you can relax a little. It’s okay. Text me, okay?”

“Okay.”

Nine Months Ago

I’ll introduce you to my mom and dad

Say “I think I love her” when you leave that room

I’d still not take their advice when I say you’re moving in

Even though we break up in the end…

Dinner with the whole Danvers family was a big deal, especially when significant others got to attend. Lena’s first dinner with them was three months after she’d begun dating Alex. Things had been moving quickly, and Alex suggested Lena meet her mom before things went any further. They were planning on moving in together soon, but they didn’t want to tell anyone until Lena had met Eliza. Alex was a grown woman, but there was still a small part of her that needed her mother’s approval of everything she did.

Luckily, the dinner seemed to go well, and Alex was grinning from ear to ear as Lena got up to go to the bathroom.

“Well? What do you think?” Alex asked with a grin. Eliza smiled at her daughter’s excitement.

“She’s lovely, Alex. I’m so glad to see you so happy. You two seem like a perfect fit.”

“We are. We’re, um… Well, we’re thinking of moving in together.”

“Alex! That’s amazing!” Kara giggled and hugged her sister excitedly. Alex looked over at Eliza, expecting to see the same reaction, but all she saw was a frown.

“Mom, what is it?” Alex asked, suddenly terrified of what she’d say.

“Honey, I love you and I support you, but… don’t you think it’s too soon? It’s only been three months. I know everything seems perfect right now, but you don’t want to rush things.”

“Mom, I… I think I love her. I know what I’m doing.”

Eliza didn’t quite approve, but she knew she wouldn’t win this argument. She knew they loved each other, but she knew that three months wasn’t long enough for them to be moving in together. She was right, but no one knew it yet.

Four Months Ago

Even if I knew you’d be the one that got away

I’d still go back and get you

Even if I knew you’d be my best and worst mistake

Oh, I’d still make it with you

Over and over, again and again

Even though we break up in the end.

The shine and excitement of their new relationship was starting to fade, and neither of them knew how to transition into a mature and adult relationship. Both of them were used to having their walls up, so neither of them had been in a long enough relationship to even consider how long term relationships worked. Long hours at work and several cancelled dates began to put a strain on them. They began to fight more, each of them too stubborn to listen to the other. For all the good, wonderful, beautiful moments they had, there were painful, heartbreaking ones as well. They knew where this was headed, but they didn’t let it deter them. They held on tight, perhaps too tight, to something that wasn’t meant to be in that moment.

Two Months Ago

Being the best friend of one and the sister of the other, Kara was the first to hear about the break up.

“Kara? Can I stay at your place tonight?” was all that was said when Kara answered her phone.

“Lena? Of course you can. Is everything alright? Is Alex alright?” The blonde asked quickly, hearing the stress and pain in Lena’s voice.

“I’ll be there in ten minutes.” Lena replied, avoiding the question until she could process it herself. True to her word, she showed up ten minutes later. She looked like she’d been crying.

“I just got off the phone with Alex…” Kara said softly, as a way of telling her that she knew what had happened. “Lena, I’m so sorry…”

“I can’t believe we broke up…” Lena cried, falling into Kara’s arms.

“Come on, let’s get you settled on the couch.” Kara said gently, guiding Lena into the living room. They didn’t talk about it, but Kara sat beside her friend for as long as she needed. She knew how terrible breakups could be.

Present Day

You’ve just had one too many tonight

You’re just calling ‘cause you’re lonely, that’s okay

But you know if you come over, I can’t not let you in

Even though we’ll break up in the end.

Alex was brought out of her thoughts by the sound of her phone buzzing. She glanced at the caller ID. Lena. Against her better judgement, she answered it.

“Lena, I know you’re probably drunk…” She sighed.

“Not drunk. Just lonely. I miss you Alex.”

“I miss you too.” Alex admitted. “But we can’t do this. We’ll just break up again.”

“No, not this time. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what happened. We can work through it, together. We needed to communicate better, we know that. We can fix that this time. Please, Alex, just let us try. We’ve had time apart, we’re more mature now.” Lena said gently. Alex hesitated before answering.

“Okay. I’ll be at your place in twenty minutes.” She said and hung up immediately. She went over to Lena’s apartment and they talked the whole night. Lena was right, they had matured. They still had issues and things to work through, but they didn’t break up again.

#agentcorp #supergirl #alex danvers #lena luthor

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batboys-and-other-messes · 6 years

Text

Thunder and Calls (Jason Todd X Fem!Reader)

Requested: YES Request: Rain was the most beautiful thing ever! Can you do another one but there is a thunderstorm and the reader is afraid Summary: Thank you! I wasn’t sure if you wanted another “Lazy evening” story but I just wrote one (aka Rain) so I changed it up a little. But I kept the Fear of thunders bc that’s how I roll. (And that was like, the main point of your request, so). It ended up somehow long and now I need a pizza. Word count: 1955 Warning(s): Blood mentioned, Obviously thunderstorms.

-----

BOOM

Another lightning struck down on the dark streets of Gotham and you nearly jumped out of your skin. You shivered slightly, like a phone that was set on vibrate while a desperate ex tried to get a hold of you. Which, funnily enough, he did.

You looked at the Clock above the entrance to the shop you worked in. Your shift had ended an hour ago, everything has been cleaned up and the keys have been in your (now sweaty) hand for the last thirty minutes and yet here you were. Hiding behind the counter and praying that the storm outside would soon pass.

Everything inside you screamed to go to the backroom and hide there while Zeus stopped the tantrum he was throwing right now but you couldn’t move. In fact, you had this primal urge to stare out of the glass walls of your shop to make sure the sky didn’t suddenly fall down on you.

Another thunder boomed, and you closed your eyes.

Your hand was clutching the keys, trembling like the leaves of the tree outside and your phone has been ringing constantly in your pocket.

Oh dear god, why?

“Okay, (Y/N).” you said out loud to yourself. Slowly you tried to stand up. “It’s just a thunderstorm. You’re completely safe in here. Nothing-” Another thunder struck, and you immediately crouched down again.

“I’m a damn wuss.” You finally admitted, and you knew that your progress had been kicked off the edge with a war cry.

You just wanted to go home and hide under some blankets in your bathtub and sit this out. At least you would’ve been a little bit more comfortable hiding at home than here in your workplace after closing hours.

Suddenly you heard the bell above the door sound, signaling that someone entered and you peeked over the edge of the counter to see who would enter a closed shop in this ungodly hour.

You starred at the figure standing in the entrance. It seemed to be a man and only as the next lightning struck could you see him illuminated in light.

Red Hood?

The Red Hood?

He was holding his arm as he looked around. “Uhm, hello?” you said meekly which made him almost jump in surprise and point a gun at your direction in less than a second. You squeaked as you crouched down again, disappearing behind the counter and out of shot range.

Fuck, he has guns.

Wait, of course he has guns but wasn’t he a good guy now?

“Uhm… Sir, could you please put the gun away? We are closed.” You managed to politely ask while you were still under the counter.

“Oh.” He said as you heard something rustling. “Why is the door unlocked?” he finally spoke up, ignoring your request and something about his nonchalant question rubbed you the wrong way.

“What?” you asked, irritated. Why did this matter?

“The sign clearly says closed. So, why are you here?” you answered with a sudden confidence you didn’t even knew you had.

“Because of the unlocked door.” he said.

“Wha-? This doesn’-`? Just because a door is unlocked doesn’t mean you can enter!” you said, standing up again and facing him in pure annoyance.

“It doesn’t? Wow, you’ve just shattered my whole world-view.” he sassed back and you starred at the eyes of his helmet with a frown. It was hard reading his expression from behind that thing, (or rather impossible) but the gun was gone and you could finally relax a little bit. He was again holding his arm that, now that you were more focused, was clearly bleeding.

“Anyways, did you see a weird man enter here?” he asked.

“Uhm, besides you?” you answered and he pointed his finger at you, probably frowning right now. “Listen, I don’t have time for your attitude. I’m after a bad guy.”

“Then why- “ your reply has been cut off by another, heavy lightning strike and you dropped down again, your trembling hands still holding the counter as you died from a mixture of fear and .. embarrassment? “Is this some weird workout-routine you are doing?” he asked confused and you glared at him from the edge of the wooden top.

“Just leave me alone.” You said, too afraid to argue or sass him back.

You heard his heavy footsteps move away from the door and towards you before he casually jumped over the counter.

For a moment your heart stopped as you thought he had finally snapped and was ready to shoot you for your rudeness when he only placed his hands shortly on your waist, move you to the side and grabbed the first aid kit that was stashed under the counter.

You watched him in your hyper-alert state as he finally sat down opposite to the counter, leaning against a cupboard and opened the first aid kit with one hand without saying a single word. You were still feeling the ghost of his touch on your waist as you didn’t leave him out of your sight for a single second. Slowly you turned around, mimicking his pose sitting on the floor and leaning against the counter.

“What are you doing?” you finally asked but he didn’t look up as he took his arm out of his jacked and searched for something in the kit.

“I didn’t like thunder either, when I was a kid.” He said, pulling out a pair of tweezers before eying them.

You mustered him for a moment, trying to decipher the tone of his voice or his body language but it was nearly impossible as he looked a casual as someone reading the newspapers.

“It reminded me of gunshots.” He explained, before he seemed content with the choice of tweezer he had and started to try to remove the bullet from the obvious bullet wound on his shoulder. You watched, horrified as he only grunted a few times in discomfort but never complained.

Was this situation real? Were you sitting here with this vigilante while he basically operated on himself, talking about the damn weather?

You watched the precision he worked with as if this was a normal Wednesday night for him and something about his calmness seemed to transfer over to you.

“Why are you doing this?” you asked, curiously and he looked at you.

“So the wound can heal faster and I don’t have a damn bullet in my body? It’s a real bitch to explain on airport controls with the metal detectors and all.”

You chuckled.

“No, I mean, why are you… Why are you talking to me?” You struggled to word your question right.

“Uh, Rude.” He said before he looked at the bullet between the tweezer and you could hear him mutter a quiet ‘son of a bitch’ before putting it in his pocket.

“No, seriously.” You inquired again.

“Does it matter?” he countered and somehow it resonated with you. It didn’t matter, and you were honestly glad that he offered you a kind of distraction from this storm that was still going on outside. But still, there was something about him that you tried to, for a lack of a better term, solve. Like a mystery that you tried to peel off the layers until you hit the core.

“No. I guess, it doesn’t.” you admitted before you had enough of watching him struggle with the antiseptic and scooted closer. “Wait, let me help.” you said, taking the bottle in your hand.

“Sure? You look kind of pale.” He said and you nodded. “I don’t mind blood.” You said and that was apparently enough for him to give you free rein to clean his wound.

As you worked, silence set over you, only interrupted by the occasional thunder but you were so focused on your work that you didn’t even fully register them. Suddenly your phone in your pocket started to vibrate again and you flinched.

You looked at the caller ID of your ex and sighed before continuing to tighten the bandages.

“Trouble?” He asked. You contemplated if you should explain your situation for a second before you decided against it. “It’s nothing”

“Bullshit.” He said with a lot less force than one would expect. “And this after I opened up about my tragic backstory? Rude.” He said and you chuckled.

“You didn’t” you said and he leaned his healthy arm against his propped up leg.

“I did. Thunder and gunshots? It was very heartbreaking.”

“Well, It wasn’t exactly the most elaborate story I’ve ever heard.”

“Wow… Okay… Duly noted.”

You couldn’t wipe the stupid grin off your face as you finished your work in silence.

This guy… was something else.

“It's my ex.” You said as you closed the first aid kit and he looked at you.

“And you’re telling me this because…?”

“Do you want to hear it or not?” you asked and he nodded once. ”Yeah, sorry. Shoot.”

“Okay, so, It … Well it didn’t end… good. He was an asshole and now he is always calling me, especially during storms because he knows I’m terrified of them. He only calls when he thinks my guard is down and he probably thinks I am going to come crawling back to him. Just because he managed to be a decent human being for 5 full minutes.”

You sighed.

“I had to change my number twice because he somehow kept finding my new number and wouldn’t stop calling. It’s just annoying, you know?”

You looked at the man and he was silent for a moment.

“I could shoot him.” He said and you let out a little laugh. “Yeah, please don’t do that?” you said, with a little hint of fear behind your words. He wouldn’t really… would he?

“Besides, he doesn’t even live in Gotham.” You said quickly. “He lives in metropolis. He was always too afraid to come here.” You explained and Red Hood let out a little laugh.

“I know a way to help.” He suggested. “Interested?”

“Does it end with him being shot or killed?”

“No.” he said truthfully. “But he will probably cry.”

“I’ll take that.” You nodded.

“Then I’ll need your phone.” You hesitantly handed it to him as he got up. The Storm outside was gone but the streets were still dark, and the moon illuminated the pavement.

He typed something on your screen as he offered you his hand absentmindedly, to help you stand up, which you took gladly.

You haven’t even notice the sky clearing up. When did the thunder stop?

“Here.” He said, walking toward the door as he passed you the phone or rather softly threw it.

“Uhm… Thank you?” you said, luckily catching it and unsure of what he did or what he is going to do. He simply nodded. “Don’t forget to lock the door this time.” He said before you heard the bell ring again and found yourself standing in the dark shop, alone and confused.

Who the hell was this man?

What kind of pact did you just seal?

And why did you feel so warm suddenly?

-----

Jason walked over the gravel on the rooftop as he made sure you got home safely after closing up the shop. This was Gotham, after all.

His hand went to his comm unit as he finally heard the tired voice reply in his ear.

“Hey, replacement.” he said. “I need you to find someone for me.”

“Name?” Tim asked and Jason watched you enter your apartment complex with a smile on your face.

“No, but a phone number.”

“Is this about a mission?” The younger one asked, not sure if he actually wanted to know.

“Something like that.”

#my writing #jason todd #jason todd x reader #jason todd imagine #batfam imagine #batboy x reader #batboy imagine #What is this?

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wlw-wombat · 5 years

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honestly i would shoot my shot @ but like i dont think hed like me if he really knew me

like yes im a dyke and poly but like i dont like rejection, so i only shoot my shot if i know x person already likes me and lesbians are not he best at showing we like other lesbians

its like hmmm dating more ppl yes!!! want new gf yes!!! but at the same time im like a needy bitch who is trying to wade thru ppl who arent gonna give me the things i need/deserve in a relationship

im poly but im probably gonna end up mono longterm, bc i love consistant communication and so many poly wlw are horrible at that and im not gonna throw myself into relationships with ppl who dont communicate

like im damn near close to aro (i dont think calling myself that is healthy) but like im not gonna start relationships bc i just dont feel like dealing with ppl entering and leaving my life

id rather just be fuck buddies and have me/you realize we wanna date rather than trying to date seeing if it works and splitting if it doesnt

if youre not gonna stay long term then lets just have sex and/or be friends, dont try to date me unless u wanna also wife me, i dont have time for heartbreak or bullshit sns

#dont interact #me #dyke rant #id love to be like hey x i think youre handsome and i think about dating u #i feel like if we fell in love we would be really good but i think wed also break eachothers hearts #i see u hurting and that makes me wanna be tender with u

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dear--charlie · 6 years

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Dear Charlie,

I’ve written to you before. I can’t talk about my boy troubles because my friends, who are amazing in more ways than one, can’t ever really understand. Also my closest friend, who tends to have feelings for a lot of guys-has previously liked the one I’m now having to write you about. Basically he’s hot, like Bill Skarsgård hot. It’s insane he’s into me. For 2 and half years now. And he’s never liked anyone before, seriously not even a hormonal want for anyone. Anyways end of freshman year he told me this. After we kissed one night in my room drunkingly and the next day I went to his room to be like wow that was fun but my friends are into you ( multiple friends who were annoyed at me because there was a code I guess??) (I’m not so close with them anymore) I expected him to be like okay well that’s alright but no he held ground and was like no but you’re beautiful and I really like you and I was shocked. We ended things until the last night of school that year before we all flew home, I got really drunk and I wanted you and I was mad at my friends so I didn’t care so I grabbed your hand and put my head on your shoulder and you let it. And you kissed me back and we ended up naked in your bed and I walked home the next morning. I don’t even remember if I woke you up. That was the first time we spent together in your bed. Then comes next year and I’m not thinking of you, I’m not. You, he, is hot yes and thoughtful reads classic literature and loves the Grateful Dead, but is so shy and not passionate, well I know it’s there but not out yet. I want passion and drive and so second year we didn’t talk or see each other. I was busy. I didn’t got to the parties at your house anymore. Then I missed you. I did. So I called you and asked for dinner and we did and we spent 4 hours together and I apologized for the weird signals I gave you and for everything with my friends and how I never wanted you to be affected and you were so nice and said it was okay and I was hoping you wanted me still. But I knew I didn’t want to date you. So I avoided you again, I’m sorry I’m really bad at this. You called me out on it. I was proud of you, I wanted to kiss you for it but it was through text even though we were in the same house. I wish you yelled at me in person, I wanted to see you care enough to do it in person. So then we talked and I let my guard down. We hooked up again no sex yet. I was too nervous, that was too much for us. But I loved being with the guy of the huge house on campus and going into your room. And kissing you. And waking up the next morning in your arms, in your comfy bed. We ended things like the year before saying bye as we both flew home. Now it’s third year and I was traveling all summer and I realized I missed you and how much I wanted to fuck you. So I did. The first time we were together we drank and laughed and you looked so good and we went to your room and you were to drunk to come and I bled in your bed and it was bad but I loved it. You were so nice about it. Then this week we do the same but you make sure not drink, and I liked that you didn’t and we went upstairs and had sex and it hurt because I haven’t in a while and it was your second time having sex. I hope I don’t fuck you up. Being your first for everything. Anyways you come over the next time. I like you and being with you but you’re still not direct and tell me how you feel, you overthink like crazy and are scared of life and don’t do anything risky or out of bounds, I mean you only wear the same 3 pairs of pants. I still have a thirst for life and success that beats heavy in me and I don’t think us being a couple would work. But I like being with you while we’re at school, it makes sense. It’s fun. But you came over Saturday and we’re more quiet than normal to the point it was uncomfortable but that’s because you waited till the last minute to grab my hand which I loved to tell me you weren’t here just to hook up and I knew that and I now that. Sometimes when you’re drunk you tell me how you saw me in a short video before we met and you knew you wanted me. And then you met me and we clicked and once during sex the first time you said I have the best girl in my bed and it was dumb and cheesy but I loved it. And then now you’re looking at me and you ask what I think we are and I tell you we’re here at school we’re us but it’s causal not that I’m seeing anyone but we’re not dating. I tell you how I’m going to Japan and how I need to reach certain points in my career before I even think about a relationship with anyone which is all so true but I don’t tell you how even if those things weren’t true I still want someone who excites me and surprises me and runs with me but you are quiet and still and that’s great because it’s you but I don’t want that for a relationship because the person I date, I want to fall in love with. And I don’t think I can fall in love with you. I know I can’t. You listen you tell me how you like me so much, how you think of me when we’re not together every second and how it hurts knowing we can’t be more. How you have this yearning for it to be more. I can’t, I’m sorry. You knew this and you said that. J kissed you and you never stopped holding my hand so tight and rubbing your thumb over the back of my hand like it was the last time you were going to touch me. Like you needed to remember what I felt like. I knew we’d end, I’d hope later on. But I didn’t expect it to hurt. You’ve been there for so long. Through all my shit and never once was mad at me, ever. You never shifted your views on me. But I think that is what scares me the most that even after all we’ve been through you don’t really like me. No you like an idea of me and if we really knew each other you would find out oh never mind and that would be heartbreaking to me. I wanted to be your dream girl. I wanted to live in that fantasy but I’m not. I know if I showed you me, if I really leaned into us being together you’d be over me immediately. Because I would show you my favorite movie and you wouldn’t get it, it’s dumb and poorly written but it reminds me of childhood and my dreams, or Id take you to my favorite artists painting at the MOCA and you would pretend to enjoy it but not really. And id talk about politics and you would nod your head along. You don’t know those parts of me. I know if you did, you wouldn’t like me. But right now I miss you and want to tell you all this but I don’t want to rope you back into me, to this mess because at the end of the day I know I don’t want this. I wish I did. It’d be so easy to say yes to it. To settle but I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I have to let you go. My safety net. My escape. I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you wanted. I’m sorry I probably fucked you up. I’m sorry. I hope you find love, I’m going to be so jealous, you’re so kind and patient and gentle and smart and loving. I don’t think I’ll have anyone look at me the way you look at me. I chose my career over everything already. Ive come to terms with the fact I’ll be lonely, without someone but you, you are going to have a beautiful wife and kids and it’s going to be an actual successful marriage because it’s you and you love so deeply. I like you, I miss you. I want to kiss you and hold you. But I ah d to let this go. Thanks for making college fun. CC

#dear charlie #cc

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skycmontgomery · 6 years

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SCREECHES at the top of my lungs as i barge onto the dash w my second chara. hlo. clears throat. it is i.....nai. i wnt ramble on too long bc u already kno me so! u know the drill like this or hmu for plots and u can find more abt skye underneath the cut. OH and p.s. here’s her pinterest board so u can get an idea of her Vibe

( lily collins / cis-female / she/her ). skye montgomery is a twenty two year old undergrad student studying art history. they are known for being charismatic and ambitious, but also being manipulative and domineering. it didn’t take long before everyone started to call them the sovereign. ( ooc: nai/ 21/ gmt/ she/her) she’s also!! the undergrad president of sigma epsilon chi, an attacker in women’s lacrosse, member of the student government and undergrad member of the elites social club

ok SO this is a rly old chara of mine tht i honestly lov to death. a true icon of her time.... tht im reviving from the great beyond

in terms of inspirations she’s loosely inspired by: blair waldorf, bree van de kamp, selina meyer, kathryn merteuil, lucille bluth and monica geller. honestly jst....a whole bunch of ppl tbh. all u rly need to kno is she thinks shes queen of the world n most of the time ppl treat her like it

her mum is HIDEOUS like jst... the most critical woman ull ever meet. whatever skye does isn’t good enough for her n no matter how hard she tries she never ever ever gets her approval. it’s probably most of the reason why she feels the need to try n b the best at everything bc she’s hoping somehow it’ll make her mum love her bt NEWS FLASH, LADIES! she won’t

their family is v v v wealthy. her mum’s an old money socialite / did a few campaigns way back when n her father is the heir to a rly wealthy real estate business tht caters all kinds of million dollar mansions to the stars. any old hollywood starlet w a big house u can almost guarantee skye’s dad/grandfather’s real estate company were the name on the transaction documents

grew up on the upper east side, v much living in that gossip girl culture where the kids all grow up way too fast n think they kno everything

skye was always.... p ruthless to say the least. she’ll do anything to get what she wants / to climb to the top of the social chain n she’s made herself a throne there p much since high school now

she was at the movies w her best friend indiana one time n she saw her dad getting into a car w a strange woman she’d never seen before. she ended up telling her mum n being like who the FACK was that n her mum said it ws nothing bt skye heard her crying later tht night locked in the bathroom. basically her father’s just....a completely chauvinistic pig tht has multiple affairs n her mum pretends not to notice / know anything abt it n drinks to cope w the heartbreak over it

bc of this skye pretty much.... hates romance. like she jst thinks love is disgusting n awful n destroys a person n tries to avoid it at all costs

she also!! had like a 3 yr long relationship w a guy called ethan kingsley who ended up cheating on her w one of her minions n it was just a whole Mess so she just. HATES men even tho she still loves them it’s all very Complex

models sporadically!!! listen. i kno lily is small irl but for the sake of Letting Me Live i’m saying she’s kind of taller so it makes sense bc models can b 5′6 smallest bt anyway. she’s done some runway work n tends to do that in fw season bt she predominantly does campaigns when she can schedule them in between schoolwork and other commitments (she has a rly full plate what with presidential duties n student government n women’s lacrosse)

she struggles w bulimia altho it only rly flairs up in times of extreme stress. she kind of has it under control fr the time being bt it’s never been something she’s been able to be rid of for good. she’s currently discharged from her treatment program for it n fingers crossed itll stay that way bc she lowkey Hates therapy n just... being vulnerable w anyone never mind a complete stranger

ull always catch her wearing some form of prada or balenciaga piece. she luvs her designer clothes n is a true Heaux for fashion. also adores red / dark red / plum lipstick n wears it like it’s war paint

ummmmMmmmmMMMM honestly i. cld go on forever bt ill save u reading it all.

in terms of connections!!!!! skye is the sort to hav.... like... not Minions per say bt i mean.... looks at the camera. minions. theyre mre jst. friends she bosses around a lot. id also like the connection of her ex bf!! obviously names r interchangeable n he doesnt hav to b called ethan kingsley or w.e bt basically he just ended up cheating on her n he was p big into coke n their relationship just.... went from something rly sweet to something rly Not. for other plots honestly just... anything u name it friends enemies i want it all go Wildt

#bu:intro #ed tw #eating disorder tw #alcoholism tw #on...her mums behalf #i think thts it for skye bt if i missed any lmk!

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queen-of-deans-booty · 7 years

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All Hell Breaks Loose Part Two- Part 1

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2,385

Warnings: Typical Supernatural violence, language, ANGST!!!!, major character death, blood, you know the usual

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. If you’re a junkie for this sort of thing, then a tag list is the right thing for you! If you want to be a Queen, I’ll add you to that list too! Any and all comments on these are appreciated. I really want to hear what you guys think about this one!

This is it. This is the finale of Season 2. Wow, this season was a rollercoaster to write and this episode was intense! I would love to hear what guys thought about this one. Please.

Feedback is the glue that holds my writing together.

Tags at the bottom

You opened your eyes and frowned when you didn’t know where you were. You were lying in a booth of a bar but it was empty. This was a nice bar, a tiny stage in the front with a chair and a microphone. You didn’t see anyone inside and you started to worry.

You didn’t know where Dean, Sam or even Bobby was. You were alone and you didn’t know how you felt about that. You got up, looking down at your chest. You vaguely remembered what happened to you last.

You were with Sam and Jake, trying to convince him that you were the good guys but he ended up turning his back on you and wanted to kill you. Wait… He did kill you. Or at least tried to. That part was still fuzzy. You actually remember him running at you with a knife but then everything went black after that.

And now here you were, in an empty bar, confused.

“Ah, you must be Y/N.” You heard someone say from behind you. You whipped around to see a short man with a beard, smiling at you. Where the hell did he come from?

“Who are you?” You asked, cautious.

“I go by many names. But for right now, call me Chuck.”

“Okay, Chuck, what am I doing here?” You asked, still not trusting him.

“You’re here because I wanted you to be here. We have a lot to talk about, you and me. Come,” He said, leading you over to a booth but you stood there, not trusting him at all. You weren’t stupid, this could be a trap.

“Come on, I won’t hurt you. Hurting you is actually the last thing I want to do.” He said, sitting down. Seeing as you had nowhere else to go, you walked over to him, sitting across from him.

“Where am I?” You asked.

“You’re in my personal little home.”

“Home? This is a bar.” You asked, looking around.

“Look, Y/N, you’re special. You’re not like any other human. You hold a different role to play than most people.” Chuck said, sighing.

“A role? Like a part in a play?”

“A role as in a vessel. You’re one of the most powerful vessels; bigger than Sam or even Dean combined.”

“They’re vessels too? Who am I being a vessel for?”

“Oh, don’t worry, she’s locked up right now and I don’t plan on releasing her ever. She’s dangerous even where she is right now.” Chuck said, not making any sense.

“I’m sorry, who is she? If she’s so dangerous, then why am I her vessel?” You wondered.

“If she ever gets out, she’s going to come after you. Of course, she won’t hurt you because if you died, she would as well and if she died, I would die which means it’s the end of creation.”

“But, aren’t I dead now? I mean, I think I might be? I’m not exactly sure. Unless this is a dream…” You trailed off, thinking too hard about this.

“It’ll feel like a dream once you wake up. You won’t remember this conversation which is why I’m giving you so little information. But, when the time comes, you’ll know everything I want you to know.”

“How do I know when the time comes?” You asked.

“You won’t know until it happens. But don’t worry, by the time it does come, you’ll be more than ready to take it on. I know it.” He said with a smile, getting up.

“Where are you going?” You asked, seeing there were no door or windows in the place. Wait, then how did you get here in the first place?

“Opening the door for you. It’s time to go home.” He said with a smile.

“Door? There are no doors here.” You said, raising your eyebrows in surprise when he touched the far wall and a door appeared.

“Let’s go. Sam and Dean are waiting for you.” He said with a smile. You nodded and got up, walked to him, trying to see outside the door but all there was, was a bright, white light. You couldn’t see past that. You shrugged, taking a step through the door, trusting you would be home when the door closed.

“You gotta eat, son,” Bobby said, tears in his eyes as he stared at your dead body. The only daughter he ever had was dead. He couldn’t imagine how Dean was feeling given your history with him.

“No thanks, I’m fine,” Dean said, his voice hard and cold. Sam was sitting in the room, regret and guilt in his eyes. You did this to protect him and now you were dead because of it. Sam knew you meant a lot to Dean and he couldn’t imagine what this was doing to him.

He looked up at Dean to see him with tears in his eyes but a stone cold look in his eyes.

“You should eat something, Dean,” Sam said, his voice quiet and broken.

“I said I’m fine.” Dean snapped, taking a swig of the whiskey he had in his hands. Without you there, alcohol was his new friend. Alcohol was his way of coping without you there. Now that there was silence in the room, the elephant stood out proudly.

“I really hate to bring this up but I think it might be time to bury her. It’s only a matter of time before…” Sam said, his voice cracking.

“No.” Dean snapped, interrupting Sam.

“Look, Dean, I hate this as much as you do. She was my daughter and I hate that I wasn’t there for her when she needed me.” Bobby said, his voice cracking. Bobby was a tough man but when it came to you, he was a vulnerable mess.

“Bobby, this wasn’t your fault,” Sam said, wiping his eyes.

“And it wasn’t yours, son.”

“Yes, it was. Jake was coming after me and she took the hit for me. It should have been me.”

“It wasn’t any of your faults. It was mine. Everything is my fault anyway.” Dean said, taking the blame like always. It was what he did.

“How is this your fault, Dean?” Sam asked.

“It doesn’t matter how.” Dean never took his eyes off you, slowly killing himself inside. You looked so pale and cold. He was afraid to touch you, in fear of having to come to terms with this. He needed to do something. He knew what to do the minute you died in his arms but he hasn’t had some time alone to actually go do it.

And he had to do it alone.

“Look, Dean, this isn’t healthy.” Sam pleaded with his brother. Yes, he was devastated but he knew that he needed to take care of himself.

“Can I have a minute alone with her?” Dean asked, his voice just barely holding together. Sam sighed and he nodded, standing up. He and Bobby left the room, leaving Dean to let it all out. The minute the door closed, he let the tears fall, falling to his knees by the bed.

He was broken.

“The last time I saw him like this was when dad died but even then, he had Y/N to take care of him,” Sam said with a sigh, leaning on Bobby’s truck. The look Bobby held was heartbreaking. Tears brimmed in his eyes, clenching his jaw.

Sam didn’t say anything as he pushed off the car, bringing Bobby in a hug. Bobby wasn’t usually the one to express his feelings but he was better at it than Dean and he just couldn’t keep this in.

“I can’t believe she’s gone,” Bobby said, his voice broken. “And I barely knew her.”

“I’ll tell you anything you want to know,” Sam said, hugging his second father. Dean, on the other hand, was a complete wreck, not being able to feel your skin on his, your lips, hear your laugh and he knew he screwed up. It didn’t matter if he was there or not, this was somehow his fault.

It always is.

“You know, I fell in love with you when we were 19. I took you out to a shitty diner in a shitty town but it didn’t matter because you were with me. You busted out our orders so fast, it surprised even me. God, why did I have to take so long for us to be together?

“I tried protecting you but I guess I did a shitty job at that too. I guess that’s what I do and I guess that’s what I always do. I let everyone down. I don’t deserve you. You don’t deserve me. You deserved something better and now you can’t have that and I’m sorry.” Dean said, letting his tears fall freely.

“What am I supposed to do now?” Dean asked you, not expecting a response. It’s not like you could or anything.

“You know what?” Dean asked, standing up and going over to grab his wallet and some other things he needed. “I’m going to make it right. I’m going to make it right.” Dean walked to the window and peered out, seeing Bobby and Sam, talking by Bobby’s truck.

Damn, he was hoping to do this without them knowing but he had no other choice. He shook his head and walked out the front door, making Sam and Bobby look at him with concern.

“Hey, are you okay?” Sam asked.

“Fine, I’m going for a drive,” Dean said, getting into his car and driving off, ignoring their other questions.

“Well, I’m going to head back home. Something big is coming whether Y/N is gone or not. I have to figure out what it is we are up against.” Bobby said, patting Cam on the back.

“Yeah, drive safe,” Sam said, watching Bobby get in his car.

“Take care of your brother. He needs you. You should come back to my place when he gets back. It’ll keep him busy.” Bobby said before driving off. Sam sighed and he looked back at the empty motel room, not ready to go in yet. He knew that you needed to be buried but he couldn’t seem to do it now.

You deserved a Hunter’s funeral. It’s what you would have wanted, Sam thought.

Dean raced down the road to a place he was familiar with. He needed to do this alone or Sam wouldn’t have let him. You wouldn’t have let him if you knew what he was doing. He swerved the Impala down a dirt road, parking recklessly and got out.

He grabbed the box, putting several items inside including one of his fake IDs that had his picture on it. He buried the box in the middle of the crossroads, determined to make this happen. Several seconds passed after he buried the box but nothing happened.

“Oh, come on, already! Show your face, you bitch!” Dean yelled into the night.

“Easy sugar,” A beautiful woman said, appearing behind Dean. Dean whipped around to see her and she smirked, her eyes flashing red for a moment. “You’ll wake the neighbors. Wow, Dean Winchester. It’s so good to see you. I mean it, look at you. Gone and got your family killed. It’s only a matter of time before Sam dies and then you’re left with nothing.”

“I should send you straight back to hell,” Dean said, knowing that wasn’t what he was going to do. The woman laughed, stepping closer to Dean.

“You should, yes, but you won’t and I know why.” She said.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, just like your daddy, following in his footsteps to save poor Y/N. You want to make a deal for her. I guess you’re offering your soul?”

“There are a hundred other demons who'd love to get their hands on it and it's all yours. All you got to do is bring Y/N back and give me ten years. Ten years, and then you come for me.”

“You must be joking, right?”

“That’s the same deal you give everybody else.”

“But you’re not everybody else. Why would I want to give you anything? Keep your gutter soul, it’s too tarnished anyways. Plus, Y/N is supposed to be dead anyway. Bringing her back would just upset the balance.” She said, taking a step back.

“Nine years.” Dean negotiated.

“Cute, but no.”

“Eight.”

“You can keep going, I’ll keep saying no.” The demon laughed.

“Okay, fine, five years. You give me five years and my bill comes due. That’s my last offer. Five years or no deal.” Dean said, wanting ten years but if he got five, he would still be happy. The demon smirked, leaning in for a kiss to seal the deal. But at the last minute, she pulled away with a laugh.

“Then no deal.”

“Fine,” Dean said, shrugging.

“Fine,” The demon said, walking away from him. “Make sure you bury Y/N soon before she starts stinking up the place. Even I’m not a fan of rotting flesh.”

“Wait!” Dean said, flinching.

“It’s a fire sale, everything must go.” The demon said, stopping in her tracks.

“What do I have to do?” Dean asked, defeated. The demon turned around and took a few steps to Dean.

“First, quit pouting. Needy guys are such a turnoff,” The demon said, looking at Dean. He looked defeated, his head hung low. “Look, I shouldn’t be doing this because I could get in a lot of trouble but what can I say? I got a soft spot for you, Dean. You’re like a puppy; you’re just too much fun to play with. Don’t worry, I’ll do it.”

“You'll bring her back?” Dean asked, looking at the demon.

“I will and because I’m such a saint, I’ll give you one year and one year only.”

“What’s the catch?” Dean asked, not expecting it to be this easy.

“You’re smart. The catch is, if you try, in any way, to weasel your way out of the deal, then it’s off. Y/N drops dead and she’s back to rotting meat in no time. So, it’s a better deal than your daddy ever got. What do you say?” The demon asked, smirking.

Dean didn’t have to think twice when he grabbed the demon and kissed her to seal the deal.

The Queens:

@maddieburcham1 @ginamsmith @mogaruke @whit85-blog @inlovewithbja @spn67-sister @kdfrqqg @jarpadandjensenaremyheroes @roxyspearing @supercalifragilistic26 @mishamigose @cobrakai1967 @essie1876 @wishedworld @crispychrissy @laqueus-ludovicus @nostalgic-uncertainty @jerk-bitch-and-an-angel @potterhead1265 @starswirlblitz @untitled39887 @ta-n-ja @deans-fallen-angel-boy @scarletluvscas @notnaturalanahi @tahbehonest @stay-in--place @dreaminofdean @posiemax @donnaintx @mikey1822 @alexandriajanae4 @li-ssu @just-another-winchester @obsessivecompulsivespn @emoryhemsworth @newtospnfandom @mizzezm @goldenolaf25 @jessikared97 @wh1sp3r1ng-impala @charliebradbury1104 @queen-of-moons-peace-out-bitches @becs-bunker @atc74 @lemonchapstick

The Dean Beans:

@akshi8278 @mega-mrs-dean-winchester @winchesterandpie @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester @carribear31 @tacklesackles @oreosatmidnight @not-naturalfangirl @missselinakitty @iam-a-cutiepie @kristendansmith @milo-winchester-4ever @jensenackesl @codyshany316 @pheonyxstorm @helllonearth @juniorhuntersam @pouterpufftrain @ruprecht0420 @shut-ur-face-and-get-in-the-car @carriemichelle2012 @aubreystilinski @sandlee44

Series Rewrite Junkies:

@helllonearth @amyisabellal @deanwnchstr @caseykitten6 @quixoticcat @supernaturalblogging @notmoose45 @crowleysminion @mina22 @tahbehonest @hadleymcallister2177 @destielsangels @spnhybrid @oreosatmidnight @valerieshubin @seninjakitey @flyonlittlewinchester @aubreystilinski @rocketqueeens @emilygracespellins @earthtokace

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oceanivoxjoquainx · 7 years

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Still not over Andi Mack. Not anywhere close.

I really need to rant and I have no one else to rant to (cuz my friends have never been into the same stuff as me) so I'll just rant to myself about this. I really love Andi Mack. Not just cuz of Cyrus and repressntation, but because the show on the whole is amazing from the theme song to the shows themes and honestly every character is perfect.

Andi herself is amazing. Shes a chinese american girl with a passion for crafts, nice, smol, and just great all around. She was upset when the whole family stuff went down of course but that girl bounced back soooo quick it was amazing. She handled it so well (Well as well as a 13 year old can handle something like that). Shes grown so much over that first season too and ot made me soooo happy to see it happen. She stood up for herself more and gained a whole lot of self confidence in the process. How she treats Jonah in the beginning of season 1 and where they are now is just.... Mind blowing and inspiring. People falling for someone and doing whatever they say is a serious thing. I felt it and did whatever the guy I liked wanted. I'm glad the creator felt the need to show it.

Next is Buffy. My mixed curly haired queen. I love her man she's a bamf and reminds me so much of my best friend its scary. She's athletic, super competitive, fierce, supportive of everything and no matter what you know she has your back. She has her own baggage too cuz I assume her moms overseas in the army maybe? They haven't gotten into her family life and that's an arc id love to see happen. Her relationship with my boy Marty from the party is super cute and I'm glad she has someone who can match her blow for blow because thats exactly what she needs. How she handles Cyrus is honestly the cutest thing and if they are literally me and my best friend. Shes like his mama bear always there to comfort and show him the way. She's like that with Andi too. Its beautiful to see.

After her is Bex. I applaud Bex because she's really trying to change and be there for the daughter. I admire her ability to just play along with her parents for so long just to ensure that Andi had the best life possible. Even now she's back she's helped change Andi so much. She's even grown up a lot since her return. She works hard like a mother should and reminds me of my mom. Doing everything to ensure her kids happy even if that means giving her up (tht scene almost made me cry tbh). She tries so hard and when Andi called her mom I was crying with her too. Bex is a good noddle, makes me proud and hopefully she can continue to do so.

Ham is my boy. My ultimate goal of being a dad. Not too 'cool' not too 'cringey'. He knows what's right for his family and even tho he's a sub to CiCi he loves them all unconditionally. He's soft but still firm enough to know what to say and when to say it and to whom. Alwyas giving advice and supporting his family.

CiCi rubbed me the wrong way in the beginning but then i began looking at life in her eyes and began to understand her. Her only kid got pregnant as a teen (16? 17 maybe?) And she's terrified that Andi would do the same. I still don't condone lying to your grandkid (Oh yeah Celia. I said it) and keeping them from their real mom but I still get it. I'm glad shes come to term with it now and decided to accept her daughter back into her heart and give up Andi. Like mother like daughter I suppose?

Jonah... Jonah, Jonah, Jonah. My fav little hearttrob. He has this gravitation to him that give no choice but to like him. He reminds me of my first love which makes Cyrus all the more relatable to me. He's charismatic, spontaneous, and a generally happy guy. I'm sure there's some back story behind those eyes but I guess I'm going to have to wait to find out what.

I even like Amber. Sure she was a snotty bitch in the beginning but she did a 180 when Jonah broke up with her. Who knew a she needed was a little humility to make her seem a little bit likeable? Everyone. But anywho. I can't wait to dive into her arcs as well.

I can't remember his name (I sowwie) but its Andi's dad and he has such a kid attitude to him its also hard not to immedeatly like him. Its refreshing to see dads who try as hard as him because so many kids these days have dads who really just aren't good for them. He loves his kid even though he barely knew her and they act so alike its hard NOT to see Andi's his child. He's just so cute about everything and he has his quirks which make him a very likeable character.

Now on to my untimate favorite character in the show, Cyrus. I loved Cyrus as soon as I first saw him. Hes such an innocent cinnamon roll and hes too adorable for this world and we dont deserve his him here and I just want to protect him and keep him safe from all the bad in life including heartbreak. Luckily he has Buffy for that. He's such an oddball with so much personality. If I was a character I would be Cyrus because he's just so pure and perfect. His whole Cirus thing was cute as hell and because he's such a princess it was nice seeing Iris take over when he couldn't. His obsession and attraction to Jonah was obvious from the beginning and I love how the situation was handled. It was all so real and just perfect. Cyrus was confused and alone and sad because he has these feelings for a guy which he's never felt before and not only that there's a high chance these feelings would be unrequited because Jonahs falling for Andi. Cyrus is such a trooper because there's a small part in him that even accepts that. I also love how he isn't given a label yet in the show because its honestly realistic. If you're 12 or 13 and having a sexual awaking you wouldnt know what to identify as and the fact that he doesn't call himself gay when he's talking to Buffy makes it even better because he just doesn't know what he is. And its beautiful how Buffy accepts him instantly without hesitation. That whole scene where he tells Buffy how he feels was so beautiful and perfectly executed. I love how normalized it was liek it wasn't a big deal at all but it was still important. I love how Cyrus' orientation wasn't the focus of the whole episode but was still felt throughout the entire episode. You could feel and see the emotion, confusion and fear in his voice and eyes and Buffy just takes those all away. Hes so amazing and perfect and I want a real life one. I know there's a high chance he and Jonah aren't getting together because of Andi and Jonah so I'm 100% sure Cyrus is going to get a whole other interest. Id love to see how the show implements him and I can't wait to have a ship that transcends my love for Jack and Ennis (and trust me Brokeback Mountain owns the keys to my soul). Even if Cyrus pines for Jonah until the very end I'll be perfectly happy and fine with that because its realistic. Also in my eyes Cyrus can do no wrong.

Andi Mack is a masterpiece of a show and I can't wait to watch it grow and inspire the millions of kids it already does. I wish I had a show like this when in was going through all this but I think I can settle for enjoying it for now. I'm happy the next generations are going to grow up being able to see the LGBT+ people in the world being validated and accepted. Ik this is a lot and if you've read all of this then you're a goat and the mvp. Thanks.

#andi mack #cyrus goodman #jonah beck #buffy driscoll #bex mack #disney #lgbt+ representation #i really need a hug #this show is so pure

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britishb3atlemania · 4 years

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Nothing new but growing up is so weird.

It’s so weird to think about where you where 10 yrs ago, 5 years ago, 1 yr ago, 6 months ago and how even though I jump at the chance to predict what will happen next in a telly show I can never get it right for my own life.

If you told 12 y/o me that a person I would meet in a tiny little peninsula that summer I would meet again and again and again and we would watch each other grow and become fully realized human beings with our deep flaws and stubborn ambition I’d probably just say something stupid bc i was cringey back then...

If you told 16 y/o me I would be in love and in a long term relationship that was healthy (for the most part), that i would learn to love different things about myself because someone else would unapologetically love them sm I’da called ya delusional

If you told 19 y/o me that I would win the Best in Show category for my major at my highly competitive school and get hired at one of the best animation studios in the world, moving to New York City and able to financially support myself I would have laughed so hard my cheeks would hurt

If you told 21 y/o me that the loving relationship I’m in would only last a few more years before it blows up in deception, lies, betrayal, and horrendous miscommunication I would have cried and cried and cried as my partner consoled me that that would never happen, to which they would wholeheartedly believe too

If you told 23 y/o me I’d end up rekindling old relationships after heartbreak and realize that although theres still much more to work through, I can be both independent but rely and build on a community I would be hopeful

That I would surround myself with gay ass, chaotic and revolutionary friends who support each other and thrive, that I would explore new countries with people I used to convince myself where too good for me, that I’d have mesSSy but FUN fuckinnn threesomes, that my conservative dad would be sending me gear to protect me from police tear gas and brutality, that I would trip so hard in a tiny lakehouse with such a mixed bag of people incl my ex’s ex best friend and that dumb boi i met when i was 12 who would both care for me with blankets and tea, that i got to see paul mccartney’s dumb ass grampy whispy hair from 5 feet away, that I would be interviewed for i-D magazine, that I would finally meet the boy I had a crush on when i was a teenager in another continent to finally close that cute lil chapter, that i’d be fuckbuddies with my hot but annoying influencer coworker, that the CEO of one of the most influential production companies would look to me for advice and guidance, that I am deserving of love and allowed to move on, that I would build a big following in dis lil cringey site, get deleted, and outgrow it, and that id be hotter than all the crusty white assholes who made fun of me in school? yyyyyyyyoOOoo, i guess its about celebrating them small victories and being corny for a hot sec huh?

#can u tell i just had therapy an hour ago lmAOAO

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ewanreviewin · 6 years

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Song: “Slide” by LPX

In <100 Words: Cheating a bit since this came out the end of last year, but I didn’t listen until the EP. “Slide” almost feels like a MS MR single if you didn’t know that Lizzy was doing her own thing these days, with its powerful drums and – so far at least – fairly clear vocals (on the verses). THEN Lizzy starts to belt about the lack of warning her heart gave regarding heartbreak. THEN she and her band bust into the incredible, dancey chorus. You’ll be screaming along with Lizzy by the end of the bridge.

Fave Lyric: “The sweetest love in life cuts you like a knife, ripping your insides, leaves you paralyzed.”

I Also Recommend: “Tightrope” has been and still is my favorite LPX track so far with the absolute shredding of that guitar. “Red Queen” is my favorite “new” song from the EP.

The EP Overall: It’s quite a banger of an EP and really makes me excited to see what the LPX project has to give in the form of a full-length album.

What This Sound Like: My heartbreak coming to life and screaming at me, with sick guitars playing in the background.

Song: “My My My” by Troye Sivan

In <100 Words: Writing a good love song is actually a super underrated skill. As is creating a great pop song. Troye Sivan, luckily, has the ability to handle both under his belt. “My My My” is so unabashedly happy. Troye sings to his lover to just let go and enjoy the moment of being in love – and in a world where love has so much pressure put on it, why don’t you?! Bring on the album, baby.

Fave Lyric: “Now let’s stop running from love.”

The Video: It’s sexy. It’s pretty. It’s gay. Come on – how can you not love it.

What This Sound Like: Running through a field at night as a rainbow – somehow – appears in the sky.

Song: “Supernatural” by BØRNS

In <100 Words: This is a bit of an underrated song from Blue Madonna. I am obsessed with the multiple drum play going on (I even hear bongos) and the strings in the post-chorus. There’s even a theremin solo in the bridge. Hell. YES. Lyrically, “Supernatural” falls on the second half of the album (right after the interlude actually) where Mr. Born seems to be over the heartbreak and is moving into a more introspective view of his previous relationship. It’s all dreamy and just lovely.

Fave Lyric: “Is it love or am I fooling around trying to find the truth?”

I Also Recommend: “Faded Heart” still holds up quite well, the witty and bright, yet bitter and cold “Second Night of Summer,” the rock-tinged “We Don’t Care,” and the empowering “I Don’t Want U Back.” I’d include the interlude, “Tension,” but it’s ONLY AN INTERLUDE!

The Album Overall: I’m really happy that he went down a route that was less energetic and… polished as Dopamine, even though I really enjoy that record too. It’s a great follow-up, though at the same time I feel like he’s yet to achieve his full potential. I have a feeling that will come with the next record.

What This Sound Like: A montage of going to the mall, but on an alien planet, but everyone’s happy.

Song: “After the Storm” by Kali Uchis (feat. Tyler the Creator & Bootsy Collins)

In <100 Words: Kali expands her resume a little by venturing into the deep funk of “After the Storm.” Tyler name drops his newest record & the Disney deer Bambi in his mellow & very fitting verse. Kali sounds great on the track too – singing very sexy & empowering lyrics as she likely speaks to herself in a mirror. The highlight of the track is easily the production. The bass is excellent & the groove slows down a bit towards the end before picking right back up & leaving you wanting more once the track draws to a close.

Fave Lyric: “So you gotta be careful baby, and look both ways before you cross my mind.”

What This Sound Like: Laying in silk sheets dressed in your softest robe.

Song: “King for a Day” by Anderson East

In <100 Words: This song is quite cheeky and I didn’t realize! The opener for Encore is actually a “let’s-get-it-on” song because I’d rather hook up once than be strung along as an unrequited love for a long time. You would not think that’s what Anderson is singing about when you first listen to “King for a Day.” Tinged with some elevating trumpets in the bridge/end of the song & very traditional guitar/drum pairing, the instrumental of this track is quite infectious.

Fave Lyric: “Even if your heart can’t look away, even if our love can’t stay together, I’d rather be king for a day than a fool forever.”

I Also Recommend: The scandalous & energetic “Girlfriend,” “Surrender” which sounds like that “rollin! rollin!” song, the sweet but also jamming with the guitar “Sorry You’re Sick,” and my favorite mid/lower tempo track “This Too Shall Last.”

The Album Overall: It’s quite good Americana/blue-eyed soul music!

What This Sound Like: Wrangling cattle on the ranch as the sun is high in the sky.

Song: “Kissing Tree” by The Spencer Lee Band

In <100 Words: Whoa, WHERE did this song come from? “Kissing Tree” opens up for a while as just an acoustic guitar and a back and forth from higher pitched vocals to, who I guess is the main singer. The song builds up more and more with a few strings, and then a NASTY bass line once we get to the second verse. Lyrically, it’s probably what you’d expect from a song called “Kissing Tree,” but some lines in particular are quite clever. All the instruments being released from their cages in the bridge – oh yeah, favorite bit.

Fave Lyric: “Shake you like a leaf, break me off a piece, I got everything I need under the kissing tree.”

What This Sound Like: Unsurprisingly, like sitting on a tree & making out with someone.

Song: “Disappear” by Tonight Alive (feat. Lynn Gunn)

In <100 Words: In case you didn’t know, Lynn Gunn is the front woman of the awesome band PVRIS. She doesn’t hijack the “Disappear,” but rather she gives the track a little more fire to make it that highlight from Underworld. The song is liberating, fun, and also a bit detached.

Fave Lyric: “Why does it feel like home when I’m lonely?”

I Also Recommend: “Last Light” is one of the softer moments on the record that’s really needed. “Burning On” is another fun, upbeat banger, and the punk rock “Temple.”

The Album Overall: Jenna’s vocals are awesome on this record, but I can’t help but feel the sounds of the album have kinda been done before.

What This Sound Like: Getting out of your comfort zone to do something that you enjoy, by yourself.

Song: “Lottery” by Jade Bird

In <100 Words: What a great melody on this song, especially on the chorus. “Lottery” almost feels hippie/Woodstock ready with the soft guitar moments & jangling tambourine. However, the lyrics add a cool contrast to this, being filled with number-talk. Plus, her voice is lovely – like birds singing almost. Seriously, can I talk about the chorus again? The ending line has been stuck in my head for days now.

Fave Lyric: “You used to say that love is a game, but you got your numbers and you’re betting on me.”

What This Sound Like: Spending your time with a loved one in nature instead of spending your money inside a casino.

Song: “Bite My Tongue” by The Academic

In <100 Words: It can feel good to speak your mind, but sometimes it’s better to just sit down and shut up. “Bite My Tongue” seems to touch on the short-term joy (or potentially, in the end, long-term joy) of not holding back and also deciding to keep quiet for the sake of “not raining on your parade.” Meanwhile, this the band playing probably makes this the most upbeat track on the record – and it sounds great, especially on the chorus.

Fave Lyric: “My dear, what have we become? … So I’ll just bite my tongue.”

I Also Recommend: The track that directly follows this, “Fake ID,” sounds like going out for the night – kicking off the track with the opening of a door. “Permanent Vacation” and “Television” are two more upbeat bangers. I also enjoy “Different.”

The Album Overall: It’s a quick listen at 35 minutes, and while the songs on the record may feel too similar to each other, the pacing & length of the songs don’t tire you out at all. All-in-all, a good debut!

What This Sound Like: Driving with the top down by the beach.

Song: “Perfect” by Andreas Moss

In <100 Words: Andreas has a silky sweet voice that sounds best over non-distracting music. “Perfect” does a good job of this by having, essentially, just an acoustic guitar in the verses/bridge and a fairly subdued worbly bass in the chorus. If anything the shaking bass in the chorus pairs perfectly (lol) as Andreas hits the high notes in a swoon to the listener who “doesn’t have to be perfect” and is “worth it to me.” It really does take someone else to see the beauty in yourself when all you see are flaws.

Fave Lyric: “These are the moments when I see you – the purest form of you bleeding through.”

What This Sound Like: Blushing.

Song: “Stay Off My Mind” by Skott

In <100 Words: Immediately, you’ll hear “I’m thinking of you!” in some sort of ethereal, potentially self-sampling outburst that will catch your ear. The production kicks in as “Stay Off My Mind” enters the first verse with chirpy drums, guitar, and piano. Skott seems to throw in some autotune into the mix, which makes her sound pointedly distant from the listener who she wants out of her mind. The one moment of a back & forth of “still on my mind” in the chorus is really pretty. Lyrically, it’s more heart-wrenching than you’d expect – being about the death of a close friend. Damn.

Fave Lyric: “I’m left with the silence – there’s something about it, I don’t know, I don’t mind just sitting here alone.”

I Also Recommend: Snappy & groovy “In the Mood.”

The EP Overall: Because it’s so short I don’t have too strong of an opinion one way or another, but the two aforementioned tracks get me very excited to see what a full record would look like.

What This Sound Like: Wandering a city, with nothing to distract you from thinking about thoughts you were trying to avoid.

Week of January 12, 2018 Song: "Slide" by LPX In <100 Words: Cheating a bit since this came out the end of last year, but I didn't listen until the EP.

#2018 #anderson east #andreas moss #borns #jade bird #kali uchis #lpx #skott #the academic #the spencer lee band #tonight alive #troye sivan

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