#not to make them feel uncomfortable or draw attention away from them by being weird and strange and myself

[cemeterything]

why is it that i love socializing on my own terms and go out of my way to talk to strangers (when my paranoia isn't seriously acting up at least) and get excited when my friends message me or ask to arrange to hang out and love dressing in weird outfits that i personally think look nice even if everyone else finds them weird and judges me but the second i get invited to a party my brain goes full carrie white about it

[armpirate]

OMGG!!! The only one was so amazing just wanna say thank u again 💗

Also can u pls also make a part story of them when YN gets pregnet and jk reaction?!!! 😬 also have them smut like they say sex with while pregnet are more better than it was , idk how far its true but well its up to u how it will ended up , well dont mind my requset just do what u like, even if u didnt want its okay ✌

MASTERLIST

Full story

pairing: TheOnlyOne!JK x fem!reader || Mafia

w.c.: 3.6k

Warnings: mention of vomit, smut, dirty talk, pregnancy sex, voyeurism, female masturbation

Aprox. time of reading: 16 minutes

The environment was too heavy. The loud voices around the table, the fake laughs, the momentary shouts to give more emphasis to what they were saying... and certainly the way your stomach felt like you had been rolling on yourself for hours didn't help. Your husband's hand never left your thigh under the table, aware of the way your frown was slightly furrowed and your lips twisted in disgust.

"Doll, are you okay?" Jungkook asked for the third time that night, leaning over you to whisper in your ear.

"Yeah, I don't know" you shook your head, gulping thick. "I think I might be getting sick or something. It's okay" you patted his hand, caressing the tattoos on his fingers.

Jungkook smiled, taking your answer before he laid a kiss on your exposed shoulder and joined one of the conversations back.

It was so weird.

For a few days, you had been feeling queasy, losing appetite over food you'd have lost your mind over months back, feeling dizzy at random moments of the day -especially in the morning. It was shocking how your stamina seemed to last less, to the point that you'd fall asleep in places you would've never thought of. It wasn't like being in the hotel was the most entertaining thing for you, but it certainly wasn't as boring for you to end up sleeping on Jungkook's desk while you worked on some documents.

As much as you had tried to find that little thing that might've made your stomach upset, and influenced the way your body was working, you couldn't find anything out of usual.

"Earth calling Y/n" Jin joked, bringing you back to the conversation. "Are we so boring for you to ignore us?" he he reproached, pointing at you with the fork.

"I don't even know why you're surprised. She married Jungkook, at the end of the day" you heard Yoongi tease him back, licking his lips before he gave a sip of his drink filled with wine.

Jungkook's grip on your thigh tightened, drawing your eyes on him just so you could assure him for the fourth time that night that you were okay. Your soft smile was all he needed to relax again, and move back to allow the waiters to serve the food in front of you.

You didn't know if it was the way the fish was cooked, but you felt disgusted by its odor as soon as the plate was settled ahead of you.

"Y/n, are you okay? You look a bit pale" dared to ask, giving you a concerned look.

"Yes, I'm okay. It's just..." the sentence was interrupted by a gag reflex that you managed to stop before it was too obvious. Although you could only hold on to the noise from it, because the uncomfortable feeling stayed there for a second until you felt your stomach preparing for the second one "I'm sorry".

The chair squeaking under you, at the sudden movement to drag it away from the table to run away from there, made everyone look up to you. Until then, most of the people around the oval table were minding their business, but you made sure that attention would fall on Jungkook after your dramatic exit.

There wasn't anything as distressing as feeling the bile going up your throat until you were forced to take it out, kneeling in front of a toilet in the nearest restroom to the private room you all were in. For a few seconds, you dealt with your bangs and some locks making their way in front of your face, while you tried to keep the balance, until someone else got in charge of them. You'd recognize that gentle touch anywhere else, as he picked the hair that was bothering you with one hand and comforted you with the other on your back.

One last gag, one last spit, and you thought you were done. Your breathing was a bit faster from the effort, your eyes felt teary and you didn't want to imagine how bad you probably looked at that moment.

He handed you some paper, so you could clean your mouth as he flushed the toilet and waited for you to recover. He was squatting next to you, giving you that worried look that you recognized. Only one dangerous word from you, and he'd be setting the whole place on fire.

"Don't give me those eyes" you warned him, sighing as you sat on the top of the toilet.

"What eyes?" his tone sounded exhausting, and his body language was giving away how frustrated he actually was when he tilted his head.

"The eyes of someone who's about to kill somebody"

"Good, because I want to kill somebody" he replied. "You've been feeling bad all night. Or, let's better say, you've done well at pretending you were fine until now" he clicked his tongue. "What did you eat? Did you drink or eat something out of home? Did any of the food you ate this week taste weird?" he started asking, placing a hand subtly on your knee.

"I promise I'm okay" you insisted.

But that sentence most probably translated into something else in his brain. Jungkook stood up, extending his hand in front of you to help you get up.

Taking a deep breath, you got up from the place where you were sitting, feeling his fingers intertwining yours as he walked you outside. But instead of turning left to go back to the private area, he turned right, walking towards the exit. "Jungkook, the dinner..." you tried to stop him.

"Fuck the dinner" he huffed, "I'm taking you to the hospital".

It didn't matter how many times you insisted you were okay, his paranoia was winning the argument against you, and the slightest chance of you being poisoned some time in the week made all of his alarms blast at full volume in his head.

Jungkook insisted on you getting checked the first time you fell asleep next to him during one of the meetings. The next time was when you tripped on your feet when you went dizzy for a second. And that night was the last straw he needed to put a stop to your stubbornness.

You hated hospitals. The smell, the feeling of never being okay... you just couldn't stand being in those places. And the fact that you were dragged to one had you fuming all the way there, even if Jungkook tried to convince you that it was something you needed. It didn't matter how hard you wanted to stay mad, one look into his sparkly rounded eyes as he whispered that he'd feel relieved if he saw everything was okay and you were fumbled.

The doctor's first words after you got your tests done got you and Jungkook looking at each other, confused.

"When was the last time you had your period?" he asked, looking at you over his pasty squared glasses.

You pressed your lips together, trying to remember, and realizing you should've had your period two weeks back. It wasn't like your period was regular, but you never had delays of more than a week.

"A month ago" you whispered, with your voice lowering with every letter you pronounced.

"Everything is fine with your body, mrs. Jeon" he scoffed. "Really fine, actually".

As he handed you the papers with all of the results, you were sure your knowledge in Korean was deceiving you, inviting Jungkook to read them himself when he was aware of the shocked expression on your face.

"Positive" he whispered.

"Hmm. Yeah, it seems like that food that didn't sit well is actually a baby" the doctor joked. "Congratulations" he celebrated for the two of you, "or I'm sorry, I don't know".

You walked out first, bowing to him as you tried your best to walk on those heels when you were barely able to keep up with the weight of your own body. Jungkook read the results as he walked behind you, unbelieving of what his eyes were seeing.

"Y/n" he called you.

The tears in your eyes started rolling down your cheeks as you turned to him, being the only way to make that pressure on your chest feel a bit lighter. He hugged you tight, wrapping his arms around your body while you held onto his waist and hid your face on his chest.

"Shh" he tried to calm you down, moving his fingers through your locks.

"I'm pregnant" you whispered within hiccups. "We're going to have a kid".

If it weren't because, after three years of marriage, he knew you so well, he'd have thought that was bad news for you. Jungkook smiled against your temple, hugging you tighter and encouraging you to sob a bit louder.

Getting pregnant was an idea you got rid from throughout the years, it stopped being a topic of discussion between you two after several arguments where you felt insecure and undeserving of him, while he fought to show you the opposite. You had gone through different therapies, only to end up with the same disappointment every time. So seeing that "Positive" in your results was the closest you had ever been to witnessing a miracle.

"We're pregnant" you moved back, repeating it while looking him in the eyes.

"I know" Jungkook nodded, moving the locks away from your face and wiping the tears away as he stared into your bright eyes.

He had known you for quite some time, but he swore he hadn't seen the way his universe reflected in your eyes as clearly as it did that night.

You were lying in the middle of your bed, looking up at him as he joined you in your bedroom after taking a shower and changing his suit for some comfortable clothes. You managed to deal with some of the shared responsibility that came along with Bangtan, until your belly started to grow enough to make it impossible for you to barely move. For your safety, and his mental peace, Jungkook came up with the idea of you staying at home -with him only leaving whenever he was actually needed somewhere. But, most of the time, it was Jungkook orbiting around you and pleasing your needs before you could even be vocal about them.

That day, he had to take a morning trip to Seoul, forcing him to spend most of his day outside -which translated in him being present through texts or video calls several times throughout the day, until he managed to go back home.

He sat behind you, extending his legs around your hips so you were almost trapped in his body when his chest rested on your back and his chin on your shoulder.

"How are my two precious treasures doing?" his voice sounded muffled against your skin, with the vibrations tickling on your skin and making your body squirm with a giggle.

"Treasure number one is okay" you assured about yourself, "While treasure number two keeps making it clear he wants to be as a restless ass as his father" you joked.

"That's my boy" he cheered, receiving a playful jab on his stomach from you.

Still smiling, Jungkook leaned to kiss the curve of your shoulder over one of his oversized t-shirt, slowly moving up to your neck. You know he didn't do it with any intention of taking it further, they were more like caring pecks, but your body reacted to them as if he had dug through one of the most erogenous corners in your body.

"What?" he inquired, looking at you over your shoulder.

"Nothing" you tried to shrug it off, caressing his hands that almost covered your whole belly.

"Is it because I did..." he gave another kiss, making sure his lips would be in contact with your skin as he reached the collar of his t-shirt "this?".

"Kook" you warned him.

You didn't know if it were going crazy, or if it was because Jungkook had barely touched you that way ever since the belly started growing a significant amount, that made him be concerned of the slightest move you could make -which translated in more than two months going no further than some make out sessions that always left you over the edge. And while you appreciated how caring he was, it was driving you insane the distance he set for you two.

"Don't start something you won't finish" you asked him, tilting your head.

"Hmm, who said I won't finish it?" he challenged, rubbing his lips over the arch of your ear. After dropping a kiss on the sensitive skin behind it, he whispered "I know I said I would try to keep my hands to myself, but I can't do it anymore".

He moved his legs under yours, hooking your knees with his to pull them apart.

"How bad do you want me?" you teased, encouraged by the way his hands advanced over your inner thighs at a slow pace.

"Well, you have no idea of the many times I've ended up jerking off in the bathroom after seeing you naked, I think that should...".

A loud chuckle interrupted him, having you pushing him and kicking his arm "It'd have been enough just saying that you want me bad".

"I want you so bad, baby" he purred against your lips.

Shutting the moan that was coming out of your mouth at the sudden touch of his cold fingers with your folds, Jungkook linked your lips together. Your hips reacted automatically to his touch, grinding against his digits when they found their way to your clit, and that gentle rub made you ascend to the seventh heaven, squirming at every small touch he was giving you. Thatconstant sway of hips was also pushing him to the limit, feeling your ass pressing against his hard dick every time you tried to reach for tighter fictions against his fingerprints.

"You're so wet" he mumbled against your lips, tracing your lips with his tongue before he kissed you again. "How did I even think going without fucking you for months?".

"Because you're a dumbass" you gasped, back arching at the sudden throb in your core.

"Are you going to cum so fast?" his mocking tone only added fuel to the fire that was starting in your lower stomach, and that had you pulling the sheets underneath your feet away.

"Kook, please" the barely powerful fear of him leaving you hanging had you begging before you had to, making him scoff.

"I got you, babe" he assured, lowering his left hand from your neck to one of your breasts, softly pressing the palm of his hands against the hard nipple. "Cum for me, hmm? Get yourself ready, because you'll be coming on my cock next".

His lewd words were the final push you needed to let yourself go, embracing that desperate feeling that you were craving so much for the past few weeks, losing any type of control all over your body and letting the pleasure speak by itself when your back arched against his chest in sync with a whine.

You still thought Jungkook was messing with you, and that he'd help you clean yourself and change clothes as he helped you stand up and started undressing you. But his fingers moved over your skin as if he wanted to set you on fire again, rubbing the reverse of his digits every time he tried to pull one of the fabrics away.

"We'll be careful" his eyes looked deep into yours, as if he were promising his reflection that you'd both take it easy, rather than you. "We don't want to hurt Ujin".

You had many questions, started by that name, but you thought it was something to discuss later and keep the focus on what you two wanted to do.

Jungkook guided you back towards the bed, helping you move over the mattress until you laid on your side. He joined next to you right after, pinching your chin and kissing your forehead before he moved your legs over hip.

He had been deep diving for too long on the Internet about what were the safest sex positions, afraid that the moment of you two being unable to hold back your needs came.

Your pussy clenched at the first feeling of his tip against your folds, feeling your clit throb only at the idea of being stretched out by him again.

"If it hurts, or if it bothers you, I'll stop" he squeezed the skin under your chin, warning you.

Your lip was trapped under your upper teeth as he slowly rammed into you, stretching your walls inch by inch until you two were linked together completely, announcing it with a heavy gasp. Jungkook warned you with his eyes, announcing his movements before you nodded.

Feeling him go all the way out, to pound back into you as slowly had to be one of the most erotic thoughts you had ever felt, feeling all the hairs in your body raise whenever his tip teased its way out to then rub against the deepest spot it could reach in your guts.

His thumb kept tracing circles on your skin, holding you by your knees while his other hand was holding the curve on your neck softly, assuring himself that you were comfortable in that position, while you sneaked yours at the top of his head, playing with his hair as you felt the pleasure building up, closer to blow at any moment as his thrust sped up.

"Does it feel good?" his voice sounded raspy, yet he gave you such a gentle look that made your pussy and your heart throb at the same time.

"Yes, don't stop" you begged, pressing your palm against your clit.

"I missed so much how warm you feel around me, doll" Jungkook moaned, moving his head back for a moment before his eyes were back on yours. "You always take me so good".

With a more firm grip on your neck, he made sure your body didn't bounce too harshly for you to end up hurt, controlling the power of his thrusts. Changing the angle of his hips, he moved at the same steady pace, rubbing his tip against one particular spot that made your toes instantly curl.

You wouldn't last too long.

The touch of his hands, the sound of his groans and moans, and how his dick stretched out so well had you gripping the pillow cover beneath his head. And Jungkook loved that look on your face, that particular expression you made when you were ready to give him the world and everything he could ask for, too drunk in pleasure to think straight, giving you a tiny glimpse of how he felt around you every single day since he met you.

Your walls took him in, clenching around his length tight as if you didn't want him to leave ever again, at the same time your eyes rolled to the back and your jaw clenched with a prolonged moan. He went right after you, spilling his seed deep inside your cunt, feeling more connected to you than ever before.

As you two recovered, Jungkook stayed hugged to you, playing with your hair and smiling among shaky breaths.

"If you take so long to lay a hand on me ever again, I'll file for divorce" you joked, with a daydreaming smile curving on your face.

That wasn't what you were screaming when you two bursted inside the emergency room in the hospital, to later be dragged on a wheel chair to your room. In fact, you kept screaming how you wouldn't allow him to lay a hand on you ever again, or how unfair it was that you were the only one going through all the pain while all he did was stand there. You kept squirming once you were moved to a bed, groaning and whining at the intense pain in your lower stomach that was only preparing you for the pain you'd end up going through once Ujin decided to step into the real world and stop living peacefully inside of you.

Although it all lost sense, it all didn't matter, it was as if that pain had only been a nightmare when the nurse wrapped your baby in a towel and handed it to you, followed up close by his protective father's gaze until he was lying in your arms.

You remembered the way you cried when you were first told you were pregnant, and how you got so emotional whenever you saw him moving through that tiny television next to you, but it still didn't feel real. All those months you didn't get your hopes up, you didn't believe it'd end up with you holding your baby tight against your chest, while Jungkook snaked a hand behind your neck and his palm gently covered Ujin's head.

"His hands are so tiny" you sobbed, moving your index finger over his tiny hand. "He's so tiny".

"You made it, babe" Jungkook kissed the top of your head.

"We made it" you rubbed your head against his cheek, unable to control the tears from falling down at how full you were feeling in that particular moment.

The nurse smiled at you, standing at one side of your bed before asking "Do you know how you will name him?"

Jungkook looked down at you, receiving a proud smile before you took a breath and answered: "Our little blessing, Ujin".

[babyleostuff]

As a certified delulu i just had thoughts bout wonwoo as a softest, sweetest bf! taking care of you on your periods...

Like imagine him waking up to finding you whimpering beside him because of cramps and he suddenly panics picking up his glasses hurriedly from nightstand concernly he asks you " What happend love!? You alright!?｡⁠:ﾟ⁠(⁠;⁠´⁠∩⁠`⁠;⁠)ﾟ⁠:⁠｡ Then you tell him not to worry it's just your periods

He just gets up taking you in his embrace holding you on his lap giving smooches on your neck and drawing soothing circles on back saying soothing words like "It's okay baby i got you , how can i help you?

Then proceeds to order your fav takeout food cause he doesn't wanna leave you in pain in the bed(I'm melting..)

I just imagine him giving you light massages and rubbing his hand on your stomach to sooth the cramps ... Then feeding you with his hands and lending you his fav hoodie cus you're his baby and anything for his baby......

😭😭 I'm so delulu for this man.

(plus my periods are killing me🕊️)

oh i love the way you think, wonwoo is the sweetest and most precious human being and he would be the best at taking care of you akdusnxjsks 😭😭😭

I WANT A WONWOO

keep up with the delulu, i love you for that

the moment he hears your quiet whimpers (because you didn’t want to wake him and make him worry), he’s up and alert, his mind still hazy from the sleep. He clumsily reaches for his glasses, putting them on a bit uneven but that’s not important because his love is in pain and that’s his main focus now.

I feel like Wonwoo would also be that type of boyfriend to have a period tracking app (with your consent of course), so he would know that you were probably having cramps.

He would immediately ask you if you need any painkillers or if he should find the heating pad for you and he would be so heartbroken seeing you in pain, he’d do anything to help you.

And no matter how much you assured him that you’re okay, that they are just cramps, his mind would be all “i have to help my baby, she’s in pain, DO SOMETHING”.

So after getting the painkillers and the heating pad (even though you said you didn’t need them), Wonwoo would put you between his legs, tucking you in with an extra blanket, and cuddle you close to his body to give some extra warmth.

He would give you so many kisses - to your forehead, cheeks, neck, anywhere he could reach, to take your attention away from the pain.

And during the day, he would order your favourite food and snacks, give you his hoodie that smelled like him, and rub your tummy, holding you close to him for the entire day.

He would not let you get up from the bed (unless you wanted to go to the bathroom), but there is no way you’re getting up on his watch, because you’re in pain and uncomfortable AND YOU NEED TO REST.

some cutie patootie wonu pics for you, because fuck periods and fuck cramps

taglist (if you want to be added, check my masterlist): @weird-bookworm @sea-moon-star @hanniehaee @wonwooz1 @byprettymar

[deliciousangelfestival]

You can totally ignore my idea lol but what about a fluffy/angsty fic about Steve Rogers or Bucky Barnes being turned into a baby/toddler by Tony on accident. But because they are babies they just want to be around and held by “Y/N” and get mad or throw a cute tantrum from lack of attention or if someone tries to hit on their “Y/N”. You can ignore this if it sounds idk weird or dumb lol but I thought it would be cute like they can’t hold back there affection for them while in baby form and when they turn back they are like well shit.. lmao

(PS: the fanart here is from Alexa_520 on Twitter I’m not sure if she has a tumblr but in case you or anyone wants to see it for yourself)

This is so cute!!!

Thank you for the idea. Here it goes. The story has little angst a bit. 

Zero Crush.

Summary: Y/N was on her way to go out for her day off. However, her plan got interrupted because the AI told her something at the lab. You almost lose your mind seeing both of your bosses turn into babies. 

And now, she has to watch them. Y/N is okay with kids, but the problem is she has a little crush towards Captain America and The Winter Soldier. 

Character: Steve Rogers x platonic!reader, Bucky Barnes x platonic!reader

Warning: If you squint a bit, there’s a little angst. 

Main Masterlist || Buy me Ko-fi please 🥹

Drawing of baby Steve and Rogers : Drawing 1, Drawing 2, Drawing 3

It's been a long time for Steve and Bucky to cry, even for crying their heart out to release all their feelings through tears. 

“Waaaaa!”

“Aah…Ahh!”

The rest of the Avengers rubbed their eyes. They couldn't believe the strongest soldiers standing tall before, were shorter than them.

Steve and Bucky have turned into babies. They were standing too close to Tony and Bruce's new invention. 

The high IQ bros try to copy the Pym-particles to shrink and increase an object.

"What kind of machine is that, Tony?!" Natasha pushed Tony away while he was still in shock. 

"I'm trying to make a quantum machine like Ant-man. Look, it works!!! The box got small.” Tony pointed at the test object.

"Yeah, it’s obvious the zone needs to get fixed." Natasha carried Bucky to her arm. At the same time, Steve was taken by Clint. Steve wants to push Clint away because he stinks. 

Bucky did the same towards Natasha; her perfume was too strong. Natasha couldn't help it since she just returned from her mission, and Clint was training when Tony called him.

Tony shook his head. "If Steve and Bucky didn't stand near the test object, they wouldn't get transformed." 

Natasha wants to punch him. "You..!!"

All the adults are pointing at each other. At the same time, Steve and Bucky were confused. Since they're shorter than everyone and the mood in the room doesn't feel good, it makes them uncomfortable.

"Uuh…"

All of them stop arguing because they suddenly hear a sobbing voice.

"Hey, guys? Is everything alright?" You were preparing to go out since today is your day off. Before putting on sunscreen, F.R.I.D.A.Y informed you that something happened at the lab.

Nobody answered you, but from their face, you could say they were nervous.

Then you saw that Natasha and Clint have a baby in their arms. 

"Ooh, so cute. Clint, you have a twin? Congrats." You know Clint is a family man, but it’s new for him to bring his kids to the headquarters. 

Clint chuckled. "Y/N, you don't recognise him?"

"Huh?" 

After he said that, you did notice something that felt familiar, but you can tell what it was. Blond hair, blue eyes, straight nose. Then you turn to Natasha. The baby has black hair and vibranium arms. 

You gasped, “Oh my god!”

"Yaa! Yaa!" Steve stretched his short arms towards you. Clint gently put Steve on your arm. 

“Why did you give him to me?” You nervously hold Steve. Even though he’s a baby now, he is still your boss. You turned to Tony. "You better fix this!!"

"On it."

Bucky saw Steve get carried by you. And he wants it, too. "Ahh…" He pulled Natasha's shirt and pointed at you. 

"Even in baby form, you can't be separated from your best friend?"

After everyone stops panicking, Tony wears his Iron suit and buys kid's clothes; perhaps he wants to run away. Bruce is fixing the machine, Clint went home to get toys for Steve and Bucky, and Natasha is helping you. 

But you know Natasha just returned after a 3-month mission, and from her eyes, you could see she's damn tired. So you told her to rest. 

In the end, there are two babies in your arms. You learn that Steve and Bucky are two years old and can walk alone. 

You put them on the couch while you went to the fridge to make warm milk for them. You're not nervous taking care of little kids since you always cared for nieces and nephews before being accepted as a SHIELD agent.

But you’re nervous since you have a little crush towards your idols. 

You're relieved to see milk inside the fridge. When you turn around to search for a pan, you're shocked not to see the two babies on the sofa.

Where are they?

Then you feel someone is watching you. You looked and saw Steve and Bucky looking at you. 

You lean down and speak softly towards them, "I'm making warm milk for you both. Do you want some?"

Steve and Bucky nodded at the same time. With their fluffy cheeks and small body-like dumplings, you wouldn't believe they're the same boss who is deadly and righteous at the same time. You patted their head gently. 

When the milk has warmed up, you give it to both. Steve and Bucky drink the warm milk. They widened their eyes when they tasted it. It's delicious. 

In their eyes, you're the person they could look up to. You never raised your voice, and you gave them a delicious drink. 

Is this what it feels like to have a big sister? 

After 30 minutes, Tony returned with shopping bags from the kid's store. 

"Give me the clothes. It needs to be cleaned first before they wear it." You received the bag from Tony. You look inside the bag and see there are pyjamas too. 

"I'm going to the laundry room. Could you watch them for a while?"

"Sure."

Steve and Bucky didn't want to be left alone with Tony. Their short legs immediately run after you. Then, each of them hugs each of your legs.

Your body froze. You looked down at the little boys who held your legs, their two big eyes looking at you intensely. 

You knew they didn't want to be left alone at this moment. "Umm, Tony, could you do the dirty laundry instead?"

Tony nodded his head. "Yup, the message is clear: both hate me." 

Since then, both Steve and Bucky have followed you everywhere. They helped you when you made lunch. They wash all the veggies. 

You chuckled, even though they turn into kids, they are always helping. 

But no matter what, they're just a kid who needs attention. You learned that when eating together with them. 

When you help to feed Bucky because of his metal arm, it doesn't seem like he can control his body. 

Steve doesn't like to see Bucky get all your attention. He starts to make a noise and drops his spoon. "Ah..ahhh..."

Because of that, you feed them in turns. 

And before they go to sleep, you want to read a bedtime story. You thought this would be easy since they didn't take a nap. 

You were wrong. First, it was Steve's book choice; then, it was Bucky's. You should've said only one story but couldn't say no to them.

When they fell asleep, you slowly went out of the room. Finally, you could breathe. Even though you like kids, it takes time and energy. 

But at least because of this, your secret crush towards your bosses is gone. Like 50% gone. 

Before you join the Avengers, your HR has told you to keep everything professional. It's impossible not to like Captain America and The Winter Soldier.

At first, you saw them cute. But because their crying and whining hurt your eardrum, it shattered their perfect image in your brain. 

You don't think you could wait for another day. You could handle terrorists, pirates, and aliens, but not kids. You wish Tony and Bruce could finish the machine quickly.

It took three days to fix the machine. When Steve and Bucky return to their old self, they fall asleep to get checked first. After two hours, they finally woke up and searched for you. 

"Ooh, you're looking for Y/N? I gave her a week off after caring for both of you."

Yes, you do. When Bruce said the machine worked fine without side effects, you immediately left the building and went to a bar. 

At the bar, you gulped the second glass of beer. You sighed heavily since you realised you needed the strongest alcohol to erase the image from your mind of baby Steve Rogers and baby Bucky Barnes when they're crying, nagging and pulling your hair. 

Their perfect image in your mind has been destroyed.

Drawing of baby Steve and Rogers : Drawing 1, Drawing 2, Drawing 3

Main Masterlist || Buy me Ko-fi please 🥹

[rollercoasterwords]

hey guys btw there is actually never a good reason to loudly and publicly talk about how much u dislike a fanfic!! Like. let's break this down for a sec:

i don't like it

ok, understandable. i've dnf'd lots of fics because i didn't like them. but the people writing fanfiction are doing it for free and for fun, and you don't know anything about their lives. they could be a young writer just starting out! they could be an older writer getting back into writing after years of being unable to! they could be someone going through a rough patch whose only source of joy right now is writing their silly little stories! talking about how much you dislike a fanfic literally does nothing except hurt the person writing it. that's it. it is not productive, it is not necessary. even strangers on the internet deserve basic human empathy.

ok but i really don't like it

babe, i feel u! i'm a hater too. rant about it privately. shit on it in private messages or group chats with friends. u can dislike something without dragging its creator into the town square to throw tomatoes at them, yknow?

ok but i really don't like it AND it's popular

ok? shouting about that on the internet doesn't make you cool or special or unique. it just makes you kind of mean and, honestly, bitter. like i said before, this is fanfiction. nobody is paying for it. nobody is profiting. there is no standard that these writers are obligated to meet. clearly, other people like the work. why not let them enjoy it in peace?

no u don't understand it doesn't deserve to be popular there are better fics that deserve it more!!!

talk about those fics then!! post about how much u love them!! uplift those writers!! ur tweet or tiktok or tumblr post is not going to suddenly make a popular fic lose all popularity, no matter how undeserving u perceive it to be. if this is actually coming from a place of frustration because you feel like there are other fics that deserve more attention, then just give those fics attention.

no but it's problematic

mmm ok. let's sit with this one for a second. i want you to ask yourself--is it really, really problematic? is it perpetuating harm against a marginalized group? remember, this is fanfic; it is outside the consumer economy, and the stories it tells will almost never make it to a mainstream audience. so is the story actually hurting people, or is the author just exploring something that you're uncomfortable with? because if you're just uncomfortable, then assuming the work is tagged properly, the best course of action is to just click away. as uncomfortable as it may be, people are allowed to write stories that you might find upsetting or gross or weird, and those stories existing is not inherently harmful in and of itself.

it is actively reinforcing harmful stereotypes/rhetoric/etc

okay! ok. if you are deeply concerned because you feel that this fic is genuinely harmful, then go to the writer. leave a comment. send them a message on tumblr or twitter or tiktok or wherever. explain your situation and see what they say! nine times out of ten, i'd bet that an ao3 writer means no harm and would be willing to listen and address your concerns. in fact, they might even be grateful to you for being kind enough to make them aware of a problem and educate them on it. every ao3 writer i've ever spoken to is an incredibly kind and thoughtful person; you don't need to immediately go on the attack

the writer is unreachable/nonresponsive/not willing to address or change the problematic thing

alright. if you truly feel that this fanfiction is actively harmful and can't reach any kind of conclusion with the writer, and you want to warn others who might read the fic, then do that. do that. make a post that says hey guys btw, x thing in this fic is not a good representation/perpetuates a harmful stereotype/whatever the problem is. and leave it at that! you don't need to go further and insult the writing or the person who wrote it. that is helpful to exactly no one, and if your goal is actually to make the world a better place, then you should learn how to draw attention to an issue in a way that encourages actual dialogue instead of dog-piling and personal attacks.

anyway the next time you feel the desire to post about how bad you think a fic is, feel free to use this as a guide before u do! xoxo

[maddieg0531]

Hugs and Kisses

Oikawa x fem!reader

Hurt/Comfort, Angst

Warnings: Creepy guy, unwanted advances, self blame, reaction that indicates past trauma, uncomfy situations

Synopsis: A guy consistently bothers you and when he pushes a little to hard, you don't know what to do with yourself.

Headcanon: Oikawa is a big physical touch person and LOVES hugs

A/N: I'm back from the dead. A few things about this story. First, writers block is real, so if this sucks, my bad. I just needed to get words on a paper (screen ?). Second, ⚠️ this story may be uncomfortable or triggering for certain audiences ⚠️ You have been warned, read at your own risk. Y/N's reaction indicates potential past trauma, so no she isn't just being dumb or dramatic. It's a real response that real people have. Anywaaaaaaaaay, I hope you enjoy! I'm working on some other things (slowly), so stay tuned!

Masterlist

Dating Oikawa is weird. You and Oikawa started dating about a month ago. You have never been a popular kid. You had your friend group and you did your things just like everyone else. You figured dating him would draw a little bit of attention but not this much. As you walk down the hallway — the same hallway you have walked for two years — people stare at you. You focus your eyes on the floor and try to ignore them.  You make your way to Oikawa’s locker, but your lack of attention causes you to run into someone. 

“Oh I’m sorry.” You look up to see the captain of the baseball team looming over you, his muscular body way too close to you.

“It’s always a pleasure seeing you.” He winks at you with a smirk. 

“Uh…” Something about his voices makes you shrink into yourself. You are about to walk away when you feel arms wrap around you.  An involuntary squeak escapes your mouth. 

“Gooooood morning beautiful!” A familiar voice calls as he spins you in a circle. 

You turn to look at him, “Tooru! You scared me.” 

“Sorry that I want to see my wonderful girlfriend.” He says placing a kiss on your forehead. His eyes drift past you to see the large captain behind you, “Oh, hey Hiroto. Sorry, did I interrupt or?”

“No. Not at all.” You quickly reply. 

“Yeah, just saying hi.” Hiroto says with a begrudging tone. He passes by you, brushing your shoulder and hitting Oikawa’s. 

“Man I just don’t understand him.” Oikawa says, shaking his head. 

“Doesn’t matter.” You hug Oikawa, his warm embrace and sweet smell relaxing you. You let out a soft sigh, “I have to go to class.” 

“But I just got here.” Oikawa pouts.

“Maybe you shouldn’t be late.” You press a kiss on his cheek, “I’ll come to practice this afternoon, okay?”

“Okay.” You laugh at Oikawa’s pouty face. He really is just a big puppy.

Grabbing the last of your stuff, you close your locker and turn to go to the gym. Standing right behind your locker door is the same guy from earlier, Hiroto. 

You jump back, “Oh, uh…sorry. I didn’t see you there.” You swing your bag over your shoulder and go to walk around him, but he steps in front of you.

“Hey, if you aren’t busy, you should come to watch baseball practice.” His scratchy voice makes your brain itch.  

“Yeah, uh sorry but I’m going to the gym to watch Tooru practice, so uh…maybe another time.” As you walk away, you scratch your head, trying to get off the weird feeling he gives you.

“Yeah, another time.” He calls after you. 

You walk into the gym and Oikawa immediately runs and hugs you. His warm embrace immediately takes away the weird feeling from before. 

“Hey, love.” He mumbles into your shoulder.

Before you can respond, you hear Iwaizumi yell, “Loserkawa, get over here and warm up!”

Oikawa looks up and pouts. You can’t help giggling at his silly reaction, “You should go warm up.”

“But I wanna hug you.” He whines.

“I appreciate that, but you are supposed to be practicing,” You give him a peck on the cheek, “I will cheer for you on the side.”

“Okay.” Oikawa sulks back over to his team to warm up. You are dating a child.

You watch Oikawa practice and every time he hits a serve he winks at you. You are trying to study, but your book just sits open, while you neglect it to watch your boyfriend show off. 

Coach blows the whistle to mark the end of practice. He calls the boys over for a huddle while you pack up your unfinished homework. Oikawa runs up to you for a hug but you stick your hand out preventing him

“What??” He pouts.

“You’re sweaty. There is no way you are hugging me like that. I’ll go wait outside.” You tease. You walk outside into the cold air, a light breeze blowing pass. You shiver, wishing you had brought a jacket. Maybe you should have taken the hug, at least it would be warm.

“Hey”

You jump and turn around to see Hiroto…again. “Oh uh, hey.”

“You need a jacket?” He asks, offering his, which is also sweaty from practice.

“Um I’m good.” 

“Oh, well, do you want me to walk you home. It’s kinda late.” He takes a step uncomfortably close. 

You back up against the door of the gym, “I’m actually walking home with Oikawa, but uh, thanks..” You try not to sound to uncomfortable. He just stands there staring at you and you aren’t sure what to do. “Um…I’m gonna go…” You open the gym door and quickly walk back inside. 

You speed walk over to Oikawa and tightly hug his arm. 

“Hey, I thought you were waiting outside?” He looks over at you with slight concern.

“I got cold…” You lie, not wanting to make a big deal out of it. 

“Does this mean you will hug me now?” Before you respond, he engulfs you in his sweaty arms, squeezing you tight. 

“Tooru! You’re so gross!” You say that, but you really don’t mind. He makes you feel safe and warm. So for all the teasing, you still welcome the hugs.

You have had weird run ins with Hiroto for a week now. You never knew him before and now he’s everywhere. He makes you uncomfortable, but you don’t tell anyone because you don’t want to assume anything about him. It is probably just you being overly judgmental. Every time you see him, he gets more and more familiar with you. He will stand closer to you, be more forward. He has asked to walk you home several times now and you are running out of excuses. 

Normally you have Oikawa as an excuse to get out of conversations, but he is really busy with preparing for his upcoming tournament. You manage to go the whole school day without running into him. Just when you think you will make it the whole day, you run into Hiroto outside the gym. (You were bringing Oikawa dinner since he would be practicing late). 

“Hey, how are you?” He asks.

“I’m fine.” You respond quickly.

“What are you doing?” 

“Uh, I was just giving Oikawa dinner, since he will be here late.”

“So you are staying here late into the night. That’s kind of rude of him to make you stay.” He suddenly sounds judgmental. You don’t know how to feel about it. 

“No, uh he didn’t make me stay. I’m going home because I want to, not that I don’t want to stay. I would stay but I need to do homework and…” You are cut off by him laughing at you. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing. You don’t have to be so defensive.” He lowers his voice and leans in closer, “although it is kind of cute to see you flustered.”

You feel your stomach flip at the statement, “Well, uh, I have to go now.” You slide past him and start speed walking away. 

Hiroto, with his oddly long legs, catches up easily with you, “I’ll walk you home.”

“No, you don’t need to do that.” You say shakily, not making eye contact.

“Yeah I do. You can’t walk home alone. I don’t know why Oikawa would let you walk home alone. If I had a girlfriend as pretty as you, I wouldn’t let her out of my sight.” 

You freeze outside the school gates, debating whether or not you’re going to stay for Oikawa’s practice. Should you go and get him? No, you can’t bother him. He is already stressed out about this tournament. You can’t be a burden. 

“Um yeah, okay. I’ll see you later.” You stare at him, waiting for him to leave. 

He stares back at you, “Well, lead the way.” You just look at him awkwardly, hoping he will take the hint. “Uh, earth to Y/N. Lead the way home.” He waves his hand way to close to your face.

“Why?” Is all you can think of to say.

“I can’t walk you home if you don’t walk home.”

“You don’t need to walk me home.”

“Yeah I do.”

“No you don’t.”

“You aren’t walking home alone. You let Oikawa do it, so why can’t I?”

“Because Oikawa is my boyfriend and you aren’t.”

“Clearly he isn’t a very good one.” He takes a step forward, backing you into the pillar of the school gate, “What do you see in him anyway. He is arrogant and self focused. All he cares about is volleyball.”

“That’s not true!” You pipe out, increasingly scared of his presence.

“Really? Then why isn’t he here to walk you home? Why do you always have to stay late for his practice.” He puts his hand on the brick pillar behind you and leans uncomfortably close to your face. You freeze, “We all know I would be a better boyfriend than him. I can tell you like me, so just forget about him.”

You are scared stiff, his face inches from yours. You want to push him away, scream, run, something, but you can’t move. It’s like you are paralyzed. Suddenly, he closes the gap and smashes his lips against yours. You let out a muffled scream, eyes wide and filling with tears. He pulls away with a nasty grin on his face. You stare blankly past him, unsure of what just happened. 

“Since you won’t let me walk you home, I’ll leave you with that.” He winks at you and pats you on the head before walking away. 

When he is out of sight you crumble to the ground and break down crying. What just happened?

You walk back to your house in tears, confused, uncomfortable, and guilty. How could you have not done anything? Why didn’t you push him away or stop him? When you get home, you immediately take a shower. You scrub yourself, trying to wash away the remnants of him. You sit in the shower drowning in tears, scrubbing so hard that you leave a rash. You end up crying yourself to sleep.

You wake up the next day, drowsy and confused. You hope it was all a dream, until you look at your arm where you left the rash. You almost start breaking down crying again, but you manage to pull yourself together. You are supposed to meet Oikawa today for coffee to study for an upcoming test. How are you supposed to face him? You let another guy kiss you and you have the audacity to casually get coffee. Your phone buzzes on your bedside table, Oikawas name flashing across the screen. You pick up and Oikawa’s smooth voice chimes through the phone, “Hey love, are you alright?” You freeze. How did he know? “We were supposed to meet for coffee at 10 right?” 

You look at the time and it’s 10:15, “Oh crap.”

“It’s okay. I was just texting you and you didn’t respond, so I wanted to make sure you were awake.” You can hear his lovely smile through the phone, his comforting presence washing over you. 

“I’m sorry. I just woke up. I’m on my way.” Your voice sounds hoarse and like someone who has been crying all night.

“Okay, no rush. I’ll be waiting. Love you.” 

“Love you, bye.” 

You jump out of bed and rush to get ready. You throw your hair up, put on some random pair of clothes, and grab an apple before running out the door. Luckily the coffee shop is in walking distance from your house, so you make it there pretty quick. You walk in the door, out of breath and see Oikawa sitting at a table in the corner. His face lights up at the sight of you. You walk over and set your backpack down with a thud.

“Morning love,” He pulls you into a big hug, “You didn’t have to run. You look like you just ran a marathon.” He laughs as you press your face against his chest. The vibration from his laugh is comforting enough to put you to sleep. 

You pull back and sit down, “I’m sorry. I woke up late and I didn’t even realize. I forgot to set an alarm last night.” 

Oikawa cuts you off by squeezing your hand, “Hey, it’s okay. It happens sometimes.” 

You give him a half smile, still worn out from everything. He lifts his hand to cup your face, you instinctively lean into his touch. When you look at him, his face is scrunched up in concern, “Are you okay?”

“What?” You internally start freaking out. And maybe a little externally too. 

“Your eyes are all puffy and you look worn down. You aren’t smiling like you usually do and your voice is quiet and hoarse, which usually means something is wrong. What happened?” 

You are touched that he knows all of these things, but you feel the guilt pound away in your chest. You can’t tell him. It would crush him. But you should. But you can’t. “What, no. I’m fine.” You lie.

Oikawa is not convinced, “Hmm, okay. You don’t want to talk about it. I’ll wait until you want to.” 

He is so good to you and you are so bad for him. You might just break down and cry at his gentle manner, but you don’t. He slides over a coffee cup while you take out your books, “I got your regular.” He smiles.

“Thanks, you didn’t have to.” You blush at his kindness. 

“Sure I did.”

You spend a couple hours studying for your test. With each tick of the big hand, your heart drops further into guilt. There isn’t much conversation save for talking about the test. You don’t make eye contact the whole time. Oikawa’s voice was soft and his touch was gentle. He knows something is wrong but doesn’t want to pry. Once you feel relatively well prepared for the test, you immediately get up to leave. Oikawa stands with you. He opens his arms for a hug, letting you decide if you want to take it or not. You gently lean into his arms, so desperately wanting to spill your soul to him, but you can’t bring yourself to do it. So you opt to linger in his arms for a small moment

He gently pulls you close, kissing the top of your head. He whispers with the utmost care, “Whenever you want to talk, let me know. I’ll be right here.” You stand silent. “It can be 3am or two days from now. I don’t care when, but please call me, text me, talk to me. Don’t suffer through it alone.”

You nod as you reluctantly pull away from his grasp. You turn on your heel and rush out before he see’s you cry. Oikawa dejectedly watches you walk away, having already noticed the tears forming in your eyes. He can only hope that you will come and talk to him later. 

You practically run back to your house, tears flooding down your face. You feel so guilty. You know it’s not your fault, but it kind of is. You didn’t push Hiroto away. You just stood there and let him kiss you. You never said no, you never rejected him. You brought this on yourself and therefore only have yourself to blame. For hours you sit in your room sobbing, overwhelmed, disgusted, and unsure of what to do. You are practically drowning in your tears when you finally can’t take it anymore. You have to do something, tell someone. You have to tell Oikawa. He will be mad and probably leave you, but it is better to rip the bandaid off than let the wound fester. Your hands are shaking as you pick up your phone to text Oikawa. You can’t bring yourself to call him. 

Y/N: Can you come over?

To’ ❤️: Of course 🥰 I’ll be right over

Your eyes eventually dried, probably because you are dehydrated. You get up off your bed, the old springs squeaking as you lift your weight off of it. As you walk pass the mirror, you catch a glimpse of yourself. Your hair looks like a rats nest and there are tear stains on your cheeks. You look like a raccoon who had a really bad day. However, you don’t have the energy to do anything about it. You go downstairs and pour yourself a glass of water. Lord knows you need it. You open your fridge, hoping to find food, even though you haven’t gone to the store all week. Your stomach screams at you for only having eaten an apple today and then exerting enough energy equivalent to running a marathon. The lack of food in your fridge is almost enough to make you start crying again. As if you needed more help, you hear a soft knock on your door. You drag yourself over not wanting to open it, knowing what awaits you on the other side. Your hands shake as you reach for the door knob. You suck in a large breath and fling the door open. As you see your tall, beautiful, loving boyfriend standing there, you can’t help breaking down sobbing again. All the guilt and confusion and pain comes flooding back into you. Maybe if you didn’t drink that water you wouldn’t have started crying again. Your knees give out under the weight of your sorrow. Oikawa swiftly catches you, immediately pulling you into his arms. His heart snaps in half at the sight of you so broken. 

“Hey shhh, it’s okay. I’m here now.” He whispers, tenderly lifting you off the ground. He closes the door with his foot and walks you over to the couch. Your sobs resound through the room, each one more broken than the next. Oikawa gently cups your face, “Do you want to talk about it?”

You shake your head, unable to choke out words through the tears. 

“Do you want to sit here and cry?” He asks kindly.

You grab his shirt, holding on so tight your fists are white. You manage to force out some words, “N-no…I…I-I’m…sor-sorry!” 

Oikawa’s face contorts in confusion, “Don’t be sorry. You can sit here and cry and I will comfort you for as long as you want.” You fervently shake your head. Oikawa does his best to decipher your gestures, “No? Do you want to talk?”

You shake your head, trying to force out words. In your effort, you start hyperventilating, everything becoming so overwhelming. 

“Shhh, deep breathe in.” Oikawa breaths in, gesturing for you to follow. You manage a broken breath. “Breathe out…Breathe in…Breathe out.”

You and Oikawa do this for a few minutes (more like Oikawa does it and you try between sniffles). Once your breath has evened out, your sobs become more controllable. 

“There you go,” It’s not fair that Oikawa’s voice alone can calm you down. “Now what were you trying to say?” 

“I…I—“

“Deep breaths, you’ve got it.”

“I…I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about.” “N-no…you…you aren’t g-getting it.” Oikawa looks at you confused. “I—I….” You start hyperventilating again.

“Shhh, deep breaths. One word at a time. You?” 

“I-I…I cheated on you! I’m so sorry!!! I didn’t mean to! I didn’t want to! It just happened and I don’t know how and I don’t know why I didn’t do anything. He just was there and I froze and-and—“

You have lost all control at this point. You are sobbing, rambling on and on. Your face is buried in his chest, tears drenching his shirt. He’s holding you so gently while you are gripping his shirt so hard. You are shaking and feel like you might throw up. Your head is spinning and you are confused. It’s so much that you can’t process it all. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! You’re so good to me and I’m so terrible for you! I don’t know why you picked me. I’m sorry. I know you probably hate me and want to leave me but please…please!…Please don’t leave.” Your voice trails off, drowned under your tears. You need him so bad. You want to look in his eyes, hear his soft voice, be held in his arms, but you can barely hold yourself up. Oikawa is probably going to leave you. He is going to drop you and walk out. You need him to say something, do something. Even if it is yelling, even if he is breaking up with you, you need to hear his voice. Suddenly, Oikawa pulls you in his lap and hugs you softly against his chest. You freeze. That’s not what you thought he was going to do. Is this his goodbye? Is this it? “I-I…” You try to say something but you just can’t.

“Shhhh, it’s okay.” His voice is so warm and comforting. You can feel his heartbeat through his chest as his scent envelopes you. “I don’t know what happened, but you are not in a good headspace to talk about it clearly. So let’s just breathe.” He takes a deep breath, you following suit. “And let’s just sit and calm down for a moment, okay?” 

As he hugs you close to him, you can feel your heartbeat start to match his. Your broken sobs slowly turn into small sniffles. You sit in his arms for you don’t even know how long. Nothing was said, nothing was done. You just breathed together and existed together. You felt the exhaustion of everything hit you like a truck. You curl up small in his arms and feel yourself start to nod off into a much needed sleep.

You wake up on your couch, eyes puffy, your thoughts muddled. It’s dark outside even though it was just midday. What time is it? What happened? You were with Oikawa. You shoot upright. Did he leave you? You look around frantically. You have to apologize…you…you—

“Hey, calm down. I’m right here.” He comes around the couch from the kitchen. You feel the tension in your shoulders release at the sight of him. He sits next to you and you almost instinctively lean your head on his shoulder. But you remember, “I was…we were…talking? Crying? I was apologizing! I—“

Before you can get all lost in your thoughts, he cuts you off, “Calm down, it’s okay. You were upset and we sat and calmed down. You ended up falling asleep because you used so much energy crying. It’s been a few hours. I noticed you had no food, so I ordered some. Do you want to eat? Or do you want to talk?” 

“I want to talk. I need to talk. WE need to talk.” Your eyes are wide, like a deer in headlights. 

“Okay, then let’s talk. Slowly and calmly. One sentence at a time.” He settles you down a bit, knowing your tendency to ramble. “What happened.”

“I’m sorry. I cheated on you and I feel like a horrible person because you are so good to me and I just ruined it.” You can’t bear to look him in the eye.

“What happened? How did you cheat on me?” He asks with a hint of quizzical disbelief. 

“Well he wouldn’t leave me alone and I tried to say no but he kept insisting and then he just, he just kept getting closer and I didn’t know what to do and then I was backed up against the pillar and then he leaned in and he-he kissed me.” You feel yourself shudder at the memory, that disgusting feeling creeping up again. 

Oikawa tries to desperately hold himself together, waiting to hear the full story before going and punching a man, “Hold on. Who is ‘he’?”

“Hiroto, that guy from the baseball team.” 

“And he kissed you?”

“Yes, but I didn’t do anything to stop him. I just froze when I should have shoved him or—“

“Love, this is not your fault.” His voice is light and compassionate, “He approached you, yes?”

“Yes but—“

“No ‘buts’. Just a simple yes or no. Can you do that for me love? I just want to get everything clear.”

You nod with a quiet ‘yes’. 

“You did not want him to approach you?”

“No.”

“You asked him to go away and to leave you alone.”

“Well, not in those exact words, but yeah. I should have been more clear…” You stop yourself before Oikawa does.

“You in some form or fashion attempted to express that you did not want him near you, correct?”

You nod.

“However, he ignored said attempt and then cornered you and forced you to kiss him?” Oikawa’s jaw clenches tighter and tighter with each question.

“Yes…but I should have moved.” “But you couldn’t”

“I didn’t”

“You said you froze, right?”

“Yes.”

“That is a totally normal and valid response to fear. You were backed into a corner and someone—much larger than you might I add—was looming over you. He was in your personal space and violated you. He ignored your signs, ignored your fear, and HE chose to hurt you.” Anger starts seeping out of Oikawa, steam practically fuming from his ears.

“You’re angry. I’m sorry. You have every right to be mad.” You start to shrink into yourself again, tears threatening to come back out. 

Oikawa realizes his mistake and immediately softens up again, “No, no. I’m mad yes, but not at you. I’m mad at him for being such a terrible person and for hurting my princess.” He pulls in his lap again, your back to his chest. He wraps his arms around you like a warm blanket, “You did nothing wrong. None of this was your fault. You are the victim here, okay? You have every right to feel hurt or upset or whatever you need to feel. You are not a horrible person. You did not cheat on me by any means. I’m not mad at you. Please don’t be mad at yourself. I love you so much and you are so wonderful and amazing and I’m so sorry you had to go through this. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there to protect you.”

You spin around to look at him, “Don’t blame yourself, please. You didn’t know. I didn’t tell you anything. I thought he would go away, but he just kept bothering me, day after day-“

“Wait, how long has this been going on?” 

“…well you remember at the beginning of the week when we randomly ran into him in the hallway?”

“Vaguely”

“Well, after that I kept running into him and he kept saying weird things and asked me to come watch his practice or if he could walk me home. I always used your practice or you walking me home as an excuse but you were so busy with practice yesterday that I couldn’t stay. And then I ran into him outside and he kept following me, insisting on walking me home and then…yeah.” You look at Oikawa, his face slowly burning red with rage. 

“So he has been bothering you for a week now?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t want to say anything because I thought I was being dramatic or looking too much into it…but I guess not…are you mad that I didn’t tell you?”

Oikawa’s face softens again, “No, not at all. I’m sorry that you felt like you couldn’t tell me. You aren’t being dramatic. What he did was genuinely wrong and you are allowed to be uncomfortable or upset by it. Please if anything, anything, big or small, makes you uncomfortable or scared or upset or anything, please tell me. I want to know. I want to help you.”

You place your hand on his cheek, a soft smile poking at the corner of your mouth for the first time all day, “Thank you. That means so much.” You lean your forehead on his, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” He closes the gap between you, gently pressing his lips against yours, afraid of making you uncomfortable. 

You melt at his touch. Just one kiss from him and all your fears and worries fall away. You wrap your arms around his neck as his arms hold you tighter around the waist. You could live in this moment forever. You break apart but keep your head leaned on his. You two just sit and bask in each other for a moment before Oikawa pulls you in for a hug. You relax into him, letting his presence melt away the ice of the past 24 hours. He gently strokes your hair, “I hope you know I’m gonna kick his ass.”

“Don’t get kicked out of school, or worse, get kicked off the volleyball team.” 

He laughs at your comment, the vibration running through you, “It would be worth it for you.”

You sit up, looking at him with a smirk, “Are you saying you like me more than volleyball?”

“I can play volleyball any time with anyone. There is only one Y/N in this world,” He presses a quick kiss on your lips, “And she’s all mine.”

You blush at his flirting, “You love me. You want to kiss me. You want to hug me.” 

“Mhm, so what if I do?” He smirks.

“Hmmm, I’ll allow it, but only if you bring me some food. I have only eaten and apple today and I’m starving.” Your stomach growls and you both can’t help laughing at the timing. 

“Okay, anything for you, Love.” He gets up and brings over the ordered food, “But for real, we are filing a report against him.”

“No, I don’t want to make a big fuss.” 

“It’s either that or I beat him to a pulp. Your choice.” He says, taking a bite of his food

“Lets do the report.” You lean your head against his shoulder, “But you would totally win.”

“You think so?” He says smirking with a mouth full of food.

“Oh yeah. Baseball has nothing on your serves.”

“Got that right,” He throws his arm around you and kisses the top of your head. 

How did you get so lucky to find someone like him? 

Epilogue

“Did you hear? Hiroto got expelled.”

“Yeah, I saw him leaving school today.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t know but he always made me uncomfortable.”

You hear the murmurs from your schoolmates as you walk down the hall with Oikawa, who is standing awfully tall today. “Someone looks happy.” You nudge him.

“Of course. I’m with you aren’t I.” He smirks down at you.

“Mhm, I’m sure that’s why. At least you didn’t beat him up.”

“Of course not.” He says with a sly voice. 

More random voices chime around you, “Bro I saw Hiroto leaving school this morning.”

“Dude, I heard he got expelled.”

“Must have gotten in a fight” “You think?”

“Totally. He had a nasty black eye.”

You smack Oikawa on the arm, “To’ you said you wouldn’t beat him up!”

“I didn’t!” He holds his hands up in defense, “One punch doesn’t count as beating him up.” You walk away, pretending to ignore him. “Y/N wait! Come on, don’t leave me like that. He deserved it!.” 

You can’t help laughing at his little pouty voice.

“I’ll make it up to you. I’ll buy you coffee.” He spins you around, giving you the biggest puppy dog eyes he can muster.

“Hmmm, a coffee and ice cream.”

“Done.” He grabs your hand happily and continues walking with you.

“Did it hurt? Did he cry?” You mutter.

“Oh yeah, big time baby.” Oikawa laughs.

You are a terrible person for laughing, but you have a pass this time around. 

[mamamittens]

Oh, Sweet Child of Mine (Pt. 9)

Platonic Yandere Whitebeard Crew & Reader-insert

Main|First|Previous

Warnings: Yandere behavior, kidnapping (again), and vague descriptions of grievous injury (need I specify whom at this point?). Slight angst. If yandere content makes you uncomfortable, please do block 'oh sweet child of mine' as well as any variation of 'one piece yandere' that you feel is necessary. Do not tolerate this behavior in real life from anyone (especially backstabbing, definitely don't tolerate that and get medical assistance as soon as possible).

What you've all been waiting for (fearfully even) is here. The beginning of the end. The same story but... different now. For the better? We'll have to find out, won't we?

Word Count: 1,788

Apparently, Marco had promised Twin-Blade a party when he returned. And as you’ve seen several times by now—before discretely sneaking back to your room to avoid the shenanigans—Whitebeard Pirates don’t need an excuse to throw a party. Once the supplies were safely stored, Twin-Blade took center stage with a bundle in his arms.

You stared at it with something approaching horror, the pit of your stomach rotting from underneath you. You’ve felt a lot of different fruits before, brushing by them as you worked. But you’d never felt one like this. A little too alive and seemingly aware of your presence in a way you didn’t care for. Miraculously less than you cared for being on a pirate ship. It felt greedy like a spoiled child asking for more sweets with sticky fingers and sugar-stained lips. Like it would take and take and take everything you are if you weren’t careful.

Maybe devil fruits always felt this… intense? When it hadn’t been eaten yet? Just a bundle of raw power and potential.

Regardless, you didn’t like it.

Twin-Blade beamed, sneaking glances at you with his expression faltering.

“O-Oyaji! We were challenged on the way back by pirates. And guess what lovely prize they had?” Twin-Blade removed the fruit from the bag. Massive, even in his large hand, and purple with pointy spikes. The whole deck gasped in shock. Devil fruit users weren’t exactly rare on the Grand Line, but finding a fruit itself was a matter of sheer luck. Twin-Blade glanced at you again only to see your pinched expression. “What is it?”

You wrinkled your nose.

“…nothin’. Just feels… weird.” You shrugged, trying to push aside the sticky, reaching sensation of the devil fruit. Twin-Blade looked intrigued.

“Oh!?” He scrambled over to you, ignoring your flinch as the fruit got too close to you. “What do you feel? Can you tell what it does?”

So close to the fruit you noticed a new sensation. An almost magnetic pull. Not a compulsion to eat or touch it, but a literal draw. Like there was a rope around you gently tugging you closer. You shuddered, hating how it started to feel hard to breath near it.

“Dark. Grabbing. I-I don’t know. Feels weird. Please go away.” You huffed. Twin-Blade paused, looking at your face before frowning.

“Sorry. Got too excited. You don’t look so good, are you alright?” Twin-Blade moved the fruit away from your face and placed the back of his hand to your forehead. You swatted at him with a scowl.

“I’m fine! Stop that!” You hissed.

“Hey, Thatch, are you going to drink some of this booze or are you offering another mug to your loving brothers?” Ace declared, raising two mugs high as food was brought out from below deck to feed the rowdy crowd under the growing stars.

Twin-Blade jolted from his thoughts, immediately incensed.

“Oh, hell no! Gimme that!” Twin-Blade ran to claim his drink. You sighed with relief before quietly heading back below deck. A large hand lowered down in front of you. You looked up to see Whitebeard leaning over with a concerned expression.

“Are you alright, my child?” You huffed, attention torn between the Yonko and the devil fruit somewhere behind you.

“Yeah. Just headed to bed. Night.” You said with clipped words, veering around him hand, shuddering at the gentle pulse of the greedy devil fruit behind you.

Whitebeard’s eyes fixed on you as you walked below deck, dodging party goers and cooks bringing more food and booze up.

--*--

Thatch raised his mug up high with a cheerful laugh, accepting the teasing questions about his new prize. Ace kept glancing back every so often with a frown before drunken cried brought him back.

“What’s the matter, Ace?” Thatch asked, leaning against the younger man’s shoulder with a grin. Ace gave him a sideways glance.

“Nothing… I guess I’m just worried about them.” Ace tipped his head to the side, indicating the entrance to below deck. “They don’t really stay for parties but they seemed really eager to leave this time.” Thatch grimaced.

“Yeah. I think the devil fruit was messing with them.” Thatch huffed, irritated that his plan to drag you from your shell backfired so spectacularly. “What the hell does ‘dark’ and ‘grabbing’ even mean?”

Ace shrugged.

“Don’t look at me. They don’t usually talk about their devil fruit with anyone.” Ace explained. “But maybe you could ask? Couldn’t hurt at least. Maybe not with the fruit—”

“Zehahaha~! Got yourself quite the prize, eh commander?” Teach plopped down next to him suddenly with a cheerful grin and red face. He leaned over to ‘whisper’. “So… are ya going to eat it?”

Thatch sighed.

“…I don’t know. I don’t even know what it does. What if it’s really lame? I only get one shot, you know!” Thatch grumbled. “And your newest sibling seems more on edge than usual.”

Teach smacked his back hard with an uproarious laugh.

“ZEHAHAHA~! You’ll figure it out! Maybe they just need a bit to sort themselves out?” Teach suggested. Thatch smiled, feeling a little reassured at the possibility. Night had long since fallen and the party was still in full swing. They should be asleep by now.

“Ah~ I wish I could talk to them.” Thatch sighed wistfully.

“Well why don’t you?” Thatch looked at Teach in surprise.

“They’re probably asleep…?” Teach grinned.

“Well, it can’t hurt to check! And hey, I don’t think they ate anything, either!” Thatch bolted up.

“Ahck! What! I told them to eat while I was gone!” Thatch whined, his face hot as he swayed on his feet. Teach laughed at his misery, standing up to help steady him.

“Let’s make a food run and see if they’re still up, commander. Who knows, maybe they’ll be in a mood to talk after a bit of food?” Teach suggested reasonably.

Thatch, even a bit tipsy, could see no fault in the logic. Or possibly because he was tipsy? No matter, he was going to do the best damn food run of his life.

He needed to talk to you!

Thatch waved to Ace and, with Teach’s help, stumbled up to hopefully get food good enough to tempt you into speaking to him.

The whole time Teach was laughing and joking, teasing Thatch for getting so damn tipsy—which he honestly deserved, he underestimated the strength of the booze, which is a terribly rookie mistake to make as a Whitebeard Pirate.

“What’s the bag for?” Thatch frowned, rummaging in the fridge to make a quick snack. Teach chuckled, loading up the bag.

“What? Do you think you could carry food and walk in a straight line?” Teach asked.

“Ah. Good idea, Teach, eheh, I’d probably drop it on the floor and waste it all!” Thatch cackled, shaking his head as he grabbed a couple bottles of juice. He was probably grabbing too much food, but he wasn’t sure if Teach would be sticking around for the conversation and as a D, Teach ate a lot.

Teach gave Thatch a slightly odd smile, chuckling under his breath as he finished loading up the goodies.

By the time they made it to the hallway with your room, Thatch was now a lot more sober, aided by two whole glasses of water. He didn’t want to make a total ass of himself by being too tipsy to make any sense.

The door was, unexpectedly, locked. So Marco or someone else had already came by to check on you. Which meant you had to be asleep now. Thatch had a key, sure, but now he wasn’t so sure he should actually wake you up.

He paused in front of the door, looking at the key.

There was a soft, sharp sound behind him.

Like a knife hissing as it was pulled from a scabbard.

The hot, burning pain took his breath away and made his knees go weak.

He collapsed on the floor instantly, thinking hazily that he was having a stroke or something equally terrible.

He gasped, shuddering with agony as he was moved. Teach standing over him as he gently took something from his jacket.

Thatch couldn’t focus. His thoughts circling round and around again.

Teach was holding the devil fruit.

Teach had the key.

Teach had the devil fruit and the key.

He was stepping over Thatch into the room and Thatch found his heart racing under protest. Only capable of gasping weakly as his body refused to cooperate.

His eyes slid shut for only a moment. Briefly lifting up as Teach stepped over him again, locking the door and dropping the key on Thatch’s chest. A second bag slung over his shoulder.

“Zehahaha—nothing personal, commander.” Teach smiled sincerely before walking away.

What?

Thatch closed his eyes again and waited for the world to make sense.

It only grew colder, his erratic thoughts growing increasingly distant and unreal.

He thought there was danger, but where? He was a little cold, sure, but he was fine otherwise… right?

“THATCH!” Hot hands cradled his face, something like molten liquid dripping down his face.

Reluctantly, Thatch opened his eyes, the world growing soft and faint. Someone was crying over him. Probably because he was so damn handsome, heh. Tan skin and freckles all over. Silver eyes like a blade—he’s bleeding out, isn’t he? Seas, he’s not ready to die—overflowing with tears.

“MARCO! QUICK! SOMEONE GET MARCO!” The young man lightly smacked Thatch’s face. “H-Hang in there, Thatch! Y-You’re going to be fine! I promise!” He promised desperately.

But something was bothering Thatch. More than the chill in his bones and strong enough to pierce through the cotton in his head, numbing his tongue and fingers.

He didn’t know why, but your name was the last thing that left his lips.

Where did you go?

“THATCH!”

--*--

You shuddered awake hazily to the rocking of a boat. Your neck bruised and ropes wrapped around your body. The sea waves lapped away near your head.

You could see the rising sun on the horizon and a distant island when you turned your head. Something soft bracing your bruised neck from the wood of the row boat.

“…Mmm?” You hummed, head swaying as you laid back down.

“Hmm, go back to sleep. We’ve got a ways yet before shore and between the two of us, I’m definitely the better rower. Don’t worry—" You closed your eyes reluctantly and began to drift off. “—I’ll get a decent boat to sail properly with, zehahaha!”

You fell back asleep with the distorted sense that something was wrong.

Dark shadows practically wrapped around your ankles as you fell into darkness again.

[madrabit]

Ooh you know I'm gonna take you up on this offer of more fantastic BoJan content! Could you please do one with a mix of 15 and 17 ? (A passionate kiss to distract from something) thank you <3

Yes! We need more BoJan (and I know you know that very well :3), there can never be enough of the two of them! And yes, ofc I can do that! I hope you enjoy it!

And for everyone else, feel free to also send me a prompt if you'd like to!

Send me a number and a ship and I'll write you a kiss! 🩷✨️

15. ... passionately + 17. ... to distract

The silence in the room was suffocating. It coated the space in a weird blanket, making every noise stand out and the ticking of the clock on the wall seemed awfully loud.

Jan was tense, his shoulders pulled up, hands clutching at each other, fiddling with a pick he had found in the pocket of his pants, while his jaw was clenched tightly. His breathing was strained, a frown permanently etched onto his face since they had entered the vet office and he was aware of the vibes he was giving off as he shifted on the uncomfortable plastic chair.

A few seats over a small dog barked, drawing Jan's attention with the high pitched sound and the woman holding the dog gave him an apologetic smile, while she shushed the animal. Jan didn't react, instead he let his eyes fly to the informational posters about how to calculate your pets age on the wall in front of him, over the little calendar next to it displaying pictures of kittens, puppies and other small animals and finally landing on a brochure about how to properly care for exotic pets.

"Are you alright, Janči?"

Bojan's voice was quiet, calm and incredibly warm that Jan couldn't help but look away from the picture of a gecko perched on a branch and meet the shorter man's soft brown eyes.

"Yes", he answered shortly, letting out air through his teeth. He flicked the pick, sliding it through his fingers and his leg started to bounce nervously as he threw a look at the clock, still loudly ticking away.

It had been barely five minutes since the nurse had taken Igor from him. He had watched, almost helplessly, as the young woman had carefully taken the pet carrier from his hands. Igor had been quiet, rolled up on Bojan's sweater that they had put in to keep him comfortable. Usually he would have put a fluffy blanket he had specifically bought in the box, but when he had found Igor laying on Bojan's discarded sweater, the cat hadn't wanted to move an inch and buried his claws in the fabric, still holding it in his little paws as Jan had picked him up. Bojan had let out a giggle and had just taken the sweater to lay it out in the transport box for Igor.

"It's okay, he's a brave little kitty", Bojan said softly, reaching for his hand and interlacing their fingers, immediately knowing what was making the taller man this upset. Jan looked down, seeing Bojan's smaller hand in his and while it might have helped usually, the feeling of worry just didn't fade and he was still tensed up.

"I hate that I'm not allowed to be inside with him", he said lowly, squeezing Bojan's hand maybe a bit too hard as the shorter man rubbed his thumb over his knuckles, not that his boyfriend complained.

Jan had felt his heart drop into his pants as he had seen Igor limp last night after coming back from one of his strolls outside, favouring his right hind leg as he hoppled through the living room. The cat didn't go roam the neighbourhood on his own often, preferring to stay inside and cuddle up with him and Bojan on the couch. Most of the time, Jan would go take a walk with him, giving him the space to explore, but still being there for Igor to return to if he felt unsafe.

The dog barked again, whining a bit and Bojan cooed softly at the pomeranian. Jan was sure that his boyfriend already would've asked if he could pet the dog if the older lady hadn't clutched the animal against her chest protectively.

"It'll be over soon and we'll get him back, he'll be fine", Bojan whispered, playing with the dark haired man's fingers.

"Usually I was allowed to come in with him...", Jan grumbled, his leg still bouncing as he looked through the otherwise empty waiting room again. Next to him, Bojan shifted, putting his head on Jan's shoulder. Soft, brown hair tickled his neck as the shorter nuzzled into his hoodie.

The vet was new, taking over the office of the previous doctor, who had retired. Jan had liked the old man a lot, trusted him to take care of Igor and wasn't bothered if he had to stay behind while his little furbaby got treated. But this guy was new. And Jan didn't trust him yet, didn't know if he was good at his job or not.

"They're taking an x-ray, Janči, I'd be surprised if they allowed you in there", Bojan mumbled, pulling Jan's hand into his lap to take it in both of his, giving a reassuring squeeze. Jan let out a huff, the frown deepening even more. He was tempted to pull away, wrap his arms around himself to hide the way he was still fiddling with the pick in his hands. But before he could think about it further, Bojan stood up abruptly, getting Jan onto his feet as well.

The smaller man didn't let go of him as he made his way out of the waiting room, not even as Jan asked him what he was doing. He didn't even answer, just walked over to the little bathroom, opened the door and pushed Jan inside, swiftly following his taller boyfriend into the room.

The click of the lock turning was all Jan could hear before lips attacked his, arms wrapping around his shoulders, a hand on the back of his head pulling him down into a kiss.

Jan let out a surprised little noise, his own hands almost instinctively coming to rest on Bojan's waist, even as he wanted to move away. The singer didn't let him, just pulled him closer as he deepened the kiss, letting his tongue dart out to trace Jan's bottom lip.

It took a few seconds for his brain to catch up, before he reciprocated the kiss, biting Bojan's tongue and letting it slide between his lips. He wrapped an arm around the younger's waist, pulling him closer and leaning even more into it, almost making Bojan bend over backwards as their tongues met.

Bojan moaned softly into the kiss, his hold loosened slightly as he melted against Jan, his hand dropping to the nape of Jan's neck, playing with the slightly shorter hair there. The touch made a shiver run down his back and he let one hand slide under the sweater his boyfriend was wearing, softly caressing the skin on the small of Bojan’s back.

He felt himself relax as the kiss turned messier, mind only focused on walking Bojan a few steps back, pressing the shorter man against the wall next to the sink. His hands slid down further, coming to rest on that plush ass he loved, when a muffled bark ripped him out of the thought.

"We shouldn't do this, what if they are done now", he said lowly as he pulled back, or rather, tried to pull back. Bojan cupped his cheek, turning his head back again to press feather light kisses to Jan's jaw, rubbing his nose over the dark beard, kissing his way up.

"Two minutes", the younger whispered against his lips, "just a little bit longer, yes?"

Bojan stared up at him, dark eyes hooded and soft, so soft that Jan wanted to melt from the warmth they radiated. Instead, he just leaned in again, bringing their lips together in another kiss that had them both gasping for air.

A few minutes later, they stumbled out of the bathroom, making their way back to the waiting room. The woman, still holding her dog, gave them a pointed look, staring at the little red blotch forming on Bojan's neck that the singer had tried to cover up with the collar of his sweater. Jan gave her another frown as they sat down, reaching for Bojan's hand. The scrunched up, sunshine smile he got in return made his nerves relax again.

They barely had to wait for another ten minutes, spending the time talking quietly, when the same nurse from earlier called for them.

"His leg is just sprained", the vet said as soon as they entered the room and Jan felt his body relax in relief, eyes immediately on Igor. The cat was laying on his side on the table, cleaning his front paws while his tail was swishing behind him, showing his discontent at the whole situation. The second he noticed Jan, he stopped, looking up at his human and gave a loud, clearly unhappy meow.

The vet laughed slightly while he looked over Igor's file, noting something down. "He's gonna be alright in a few weeks, but I wouldn't let him out in that time, we wouldn't want him to break a paw."

Jan nodded, stepping towards the table and leaning down to give his cat a little kiss on the head, right between his fluffy ears.

"He's very well mannered, so it went faster than we thought it would. You can go upfront to pay and then you're all done."

"Thanks", Jan said to the man, who just nodded and then walked to one of the doors to disappear into another room, most likely to get back to the lady with the dog.

"Do you want to take him?", Bojan asked as he picked up the transport box, but Jan just shook his head.

"I can't, i have to pay, you should cuddle him a bit, you know how he gets after a vet visit", he answered, taking the box from his boyfriend. Bojan just gave him a sweet smile as he scooped up the little furball in his arms, giggling softly as Igor immediately bumped his face against his chin and started purring.

"Sometimes I think he likes you more than me", Jan said with a grin, finally able to relax completely now that he knew everything was alright.

"No, he doesn't, I'm just the one who gives him treats all the time", Bojan laughed, turning to the door that Jan dutifully opened for him.

"And I think you deserve all the treats today, don't you, Igor?", Jan heard the shorter brunet coo as he made his way to the front desk, the pet carrier slung over his shoulder.

[purrplegyuu]

Cold | Choi Beomgyu

Index

Chapter three

Warnings: unhappiness, slightly angst, soft beomgyu, abusive mother, swearing. omg the softest chapter eveeer

Word count: 1.4k

Taglist: @arianap23e, @haatohwa

I don't know why is it soooo soft, I don't like it ughhh. Like this is a dark story. Anyways, the following chapters are gonna be waaaay darker (i mean i hope). I kinda like soft Beommie tho...

Let me know if you find any kind of mistake, i'm not a native speaker and this helps me so so so much ^_^

Also let me know if you want to be added to the tag list, if you want to suggest an event to happen on next chapters or if you have any question about any detail. Luv yaa (●'◡'●)

I’m not happy. I know that. I know I will never go to school with a bright smile on my face like Jiwoo, because unlike her, I don’t have anything that makes me enjoy sitting on an uncomfortable chair for hours, looking at the professors as if I am paying attention, and talk kindly to my classmates as if I don’t hate them so much.

I even started to believe happiness is a vile lie American series have shown to us.

However, lately, these bad feelings have been increasing. And dad knows that.

That’s why he came home early on a saturday night and announced that we were going on vacation to that pretty house on a lake that his mother left him as an inheritance. 

“You okay guys?” He asks while driving, looking at me through the mirror. I smile slightly at him, nodding. “Gyu, I heard you got really good grades again. Bet your mother is really really proud” Beomgyu looks at him back, quiet, and totally ignores him. 

The awkward aura all over the car now, as dad looks at Beomgyu’s mother, scared of making his relationship even worse. He has tried thousands of ways to get along with Beomgyu, but the boy sitting by my side never really cared.

Once we arrive, dad gets out of his car, stretching his back. I look at Beomgyu. He really hates my father. At least that’s what it looks like—he gets even darker when our parents are close to him, doesn’t even smirk at any kind of jokes and doesn’t say a single word until they are far away again. 

But today, he looks even more dark than usual, which makes me feel a bit scared.

I get out of the car when he does. I see his mother running towards my dad in order to enter the house with him. 

We both stand in front of the house quietly, looking at the way our parents play like kids with their luggage as they take it in the house. They really look like a young couple. However, I find it a bit weird, but I guess it is just because I never liked her.

I look around. There are so many memories from my childhood—the garden full of flowers I planted when I was five, the rustic oven I used to make pizza in when I was eight, the lake where I learned how to swim when I was nine. But everything looks just too old and dirty—it’s been seven years since the last time we came here, it’s been seven years since the last time I enjoyed being in such a place… it’s been seven years since I last saw her.

I walk through the trees until I have reached a certain place. A small dock made of old wood, mouldy and poorly stable. Hundreds of drawings all over one of the wood tiles—’Jeongseo’ on top of everything, followed by ‘Namhyuk’ and ‘Dami’.

I really miss those times.

By 6 p. m., dad calls me to the big dock in front of our house. 

“Gaeum, honey, could you please go get the meat?” Beomgyu’s mom smiles at him, and makes a disgusted face when she turns around. Dad’s on the white boat his father used to drive right before dying three years ago. Everything I can think about when I see it, is him swearing he will never use it again because it was his dad’s, not his.

“We’re taking Luna on an expedition” he says. I can see the happiness on his face. Luna is the name grandpa gave his boat. “Remember when we used to go to the other side of the lake?” I nod. “Well, we are going to go there to take the dinner tonight” a big smile on his face makes me force myself to smile although I’m not happy or excited. 

“I will go get a sweater”

When I get in the house, I don’t see Gaeum in the kitchen, which I found a bit weird, but don’t really pay attention to it. I go to my room, take a pink sweater and try it on in front of the mirror. I’m wearing a long-sleeved dark shirt which is supposed to cover me up enough to make me feel warm, however, the short jean skirt makes it hard for me to get warm. Even with a big coat, and in the house, I’m trembling.

However, I get out of my room, holding a white blanket, and stop walking when I hear some noises in Beomgyu’s room. The door is closed, so I cannot see anything, but I don’t also see any light under the door, even though it’s 6:30 p. m., and it’s very dark already. 

“Don’t be fucking dumb” Gaeum’s voice sounding so different—meaner, unlike her usual fake sweet voice tone. “Could you please think a bit? Ha, you’re almost an adult, why would I have to ask you to not be so dumb?” The door of my room closes strongly due to the air running through my open window, which makes me jump, touching my chest. No more sounds in the room makes me feel scared someone can catch me, so I walk back to the door.

Gaeum gets out of Beomgyu’s room, and I look at her, trying to look as natural as possible, holding tightly my blanket, faking a blank face to her like I didn’t hear anything. 

“What?” I ask when she keeps looking at me. I even impress myself with my almost perfect acting. 

“Are you ready? I’m asking Beomgyu if he is also ready” I look in his room. He’s not visible from outside, so I just nod to her, going down once again.

Some minutes after that, Gaeum gets on the boat, giving dad the things he asked for and his coat. Beomgyu walks behind her, blank face as always, and doesn’t look at dad, just gets in the boat and sits by my side. 

Dad knows perfectly how to drive the boat, so he does it while we all try to warm ourselves with our coats.

The place we and Beomgyu are sitting is lower than the place our parents are at, so they can’t see us unless they go down.

That’s why he puts his hand on my thigh, caressing it as we’re alone over there. I look at him, looking at the lake deeply. His soft hair moving with the air, his face even prettier than ever, flawless skin, and some red marks on his cheeks like he has just cried. 

“You don’t seem that happy” he says, still looking at the lake. 

“I never look happy” I say, jokingly. Spending so much time with Jiwoo has started to affect me. But he doesn’t laugh. The silence makes me want to be sincere with him. Guess he has this effect on me. “I don’t really like here” He turns around to look at me, almost surprised at my words. It’s a pretty and almost paradisiacal place. Why wouldn’t I like it? “Everything I can think about when I’m here is her… the last time I saw mom” 

We stay silent for a few minutes, weirdly enjoying each other’s company. 

Then, he talks once again. “I know you listened” his husky voice should make me feel scared, however, his hands touching me so softly, his head against mine, his arm around me, his body warming me up… I can’t be scared even if he says he will kill me after that.  And I wonder if that kind of scenes are the reason I love him so much even when he treats me so wrong most of the time. Maybe I don’t love him, maybe I just love the way he treats me so wrong, but sometimes, he acts like he loves me back.

I don’t try to deny it. He knows me well. The voice tone he used isn’t even doubtful. He knows I listened.

“Don’t want to know why was she so mad?” Weirdly, everytime he doesn’t use pet names, it’s just because he’s treating me well. 

I look at him quietly. I find it a bit acted the way he fakes peace, like it doesn’t really bother him. His eyes a bit red, like his nose and cheeks. 

“She found out I’m fucking someone” He flashes a bit more than usual. “, and scolded me for not using condom” His eyes shiny, and can feel like he’s being forced or something like that. However, I don’t say anything.

I never say anything. 

[queer-codedhero]

Public Little Space Survival Guide ~

Hello babies of the world! Public little space is super fun activities for many littles and caregivers! It helps you have fun in a new place. However public little space can be spooky. It’s a big world full of people. Here are the tips I have to help you avoid anyone or anything that will stress you out or put you in danger.

Choosing a location

finding a location is difficult so here are my tips! My first tip will be to attempt to find an area that will have either a lot of people or no people because when it’s just a 2-10 people, there’s a higher chance that people will talk to you or try and say things about your regression that they have no right saying. If you go somewhere like a carnival, then you will not have to deal with anyone say anything to you because everyone’s minding their own I just watching for location can be very important and very difficult. Wish you luck little one! if you were going somewhere such as an indoor playground or a store, try to find the rules on size of guests, and anything that may affect your visit! (Also, if you have some form of disorder where you will get stressed out in large areas then like I said before try to stick some more small.)

Gear!

here is extremely important for when you are going out as a little because it helps you feel really small and it just overall can enhance your experience. Make sure to consider what you are going to go do with what you choose to bring. I recommend bringing a little space bag, full of things that you may want!

Pacifiers are always extremely useful and really fun to use. If your smaller age.

You can also bring your bottle or sippy depending on age,

toys or stuffies are always fun. If you were going somewhere where you might lose them then you might want to not bring one of those instead exchange it for some sort of small thing that can attach to your belts or your clothes attempt to wear clothes that feel nice and comfy and small

just overall try to find things that will enhance your experience without drawing too much attention to yourself!

You can also choose to wear a mask over your pacifier. If you feel people will look at you weird do not worry about the others opinions too much, but try to avoid anything that may cause an uncomfortable experience! You can also try and choose things that are generally acceptable, but also smaller, such as more playful shoes, or cutesy masks like I said, or something of that sort!

Tips for CGs!

-it helps Littles feel small to do things like holding their hands and speaking for them in a way such as if you’re going up somewhere to order food you can order for them and then give it to them things like that. Also, you can always ask for a children’s menu and stuff. I’ll never get mad at you!

-always try and do things like buy stuff for the little because they will feel more like a kid as if they’re having their daddy or mommy buy things for them!

-try to go on more smaller rides if you were in something like a carnival

-always be the one to make plans and choices, but do always try and ensure that your little has say on what they’re doing. For example, you can choose to go to the mall and then let those little choose where to go in the mall!

tips for littles:

-When you start to get scared, you can look at your caregiver. In their eyes are some things you convert your attention and gaze from anyone who may make you uncomfortable

- don’t be scared to do anything that you find fun just because other people may look at you where does not mean that you cannot have fun as yourself that is harder to remember that it is to say but I just want to remind you that nothing they can take away the validity of your little space

- where are some comfy clothes you don’t need to look fancy just have some fun and nice and comfy, even if that means wearing a onesie

-try to bring a plushy, because when people are being weird, or when your anxiety is messing up, you can squeeze him/her nice and hard, and she/he’ll always be there for you

-if you begin to get to stress, tell your caregiver cause they’re there for you no matter what and if you need to leave then that is you’re right you got this!

[blueratgrmln]

🌟OPEN DISCUSSION about the 2020's era of shipping culture, Sonadow in the Sonic Fandom, and how well-intended activism can circle back to the language and violence of oppressors 🌟 (Broken down into PARTS for the sake of readability and my own attention span lol. >>>FULL ESSAY HERE<<<) (>>>PREVIOUS PART HERE<<<)

PART 5

LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE OF OPPRESSORS

Now is where I will delve into the connection between Sonadow shipping (and overall shipping) debates and how well-intentioned activism loops back into mimicking oppressors. Thinking about how Sonadow is historically important to the Sonic Franchise, the Sonic Fandom, LGBTQ+ Sonic Fans, and maybe even video game history as a whole, I feel major discomfort and even dread when I see so many people (particularly those that are young) throwing around very serious accusations at (fellow) Sonic Fans and (fellow) Sonic shippers. Accusations supporting pedophilia or pedophilia itself is one of the most egregious. I've seen it thrown at Sonadow shippers, Vector x Espio shippers because Vector is 20 and Espio is 16 (despite it being another extremely popular LGBTQ+ headcanon-ed ship due to lack of representation), and even Knuckles x Rouge because Rouge is 18 and Knuckles is 16. It strikes me as counterintuitive and unnecessary at least, and actively dangerous at most/worst, seeing fellow Queer people utilizing the morality-policing, fear tactics, surveillance methods, censorship mindset, and rhetoric/language of our oppressors and using those things against the people in their own communities. Realizing that long-time Sonadow fans who felt inspired to come out and be unapologetically Queer because of that specific ship have been facing harassment and slander from fellow Queer people (who are likely younger than them), getting called "pedos" or "dangerous" or "suspicious" or "unethical" over the mere act of creating representation and Queer Joy with fictional characters and seeking some sense of comfort while surviving homophobic environments...bluntly, my stomach is churned and my blood is boiled. The last thing we need in this rapidly backwards-turning world is more in-fighting within the broader LGBTQ+ community that distracts our thoughts, emotions, time, energy, organizing, education, community-building, and activism away from the oppressors who are causing us real-world tangible harm, suffering, and death.

A random teenager on the internet drawing fanart of Sonic and Shadow holding hands, or even random adults on the internet drawing suggestive art or outright porn of these characters, is NOT going to be the catalyst that rapidly or gradually normalizes pedophilia or inspires worldwide support for unethical relationships. And yes, this includes content about the "weirdo/unethical/dark" ships that are found in the shadowy fringes of the internet and Fandom spaces. I am uncomfortable with a lot of it myself. But those ships and the people that engage with them ALSO can't have the same level of impact and reach (key words: Same Level) that real life oppressive systems have to cause widespread suffering. The key difference that makes widespread abuse possible is that the real life oppressive systems are disguised as wholesome safe environments that develop trust and closeness with community members. Those oppressive systems and the harmful people that support them are usually NOT on the freaky/dark/weird fringes of society, they don't outwardly appear that way, and they demonize the "degenerates", not associate with any such label. The Catholic church institution is a big example, the institution covering up uncountable cases of their clergy members abusing minors while those clergy members are positioned as a pure, trusted facet of society that people actively look to for guidance, safety, and belonging.

At NO point am I ever going to say that everyone online is perfectly pure and that we should ignore everyone's behavior online. When we do encounter legitimate creeps causing harm to real people (not watered-down definitions of what being a creep means) we absolutely need to call them out and keep each other safe. HOWEVER, by pitting fellow Sonic Fans, fellow Queer people, fellow shippers against each other with this blanket "us vs them" mentality that overshadows the real life patterns and signs of how widespread oppression and real world harm happens, we end up accomplishing a lot of what our oppressors want anyway: divisions, distractions, and outright mimicking the violent language and behaviors that they display toward us at ourselves. This is the point where well-intentioned activism goes wrong and circles back around to oppression without meaning to.

Many people are super-duper-sure that they have dismantled all of their -isms and -phobias and now identify with labels and movements that are on the right side of history. But all of us STILL need to be aware of the fact that our thought patterns, behaviors, logic, and emotional responses can be tied to previously held beliefs and mindsets, and they can sometimes carry over and linger in our minds even after significant "character development". This is true even if we don't immediately realize it and think that we are a "safe person" within our own marginalized communities and for other marginalized communities. It can be really hard to identify if/when that is happening sometimes, but it is pertinent that we are actively checking in with ourselves, listening to constructive criticism, and cross-analyzing whether we are unintentionally mimicking the language, behaviors, and violence of our oppressors, and what effects that can have on the people in our shared communities and the people we care about.

PART 6 HERE

[hello-eeveev]

Okay okay I’ve seen some takes regarding Orym on twitter (specifically about his relationship to Laudna) that I feel the need to refute but I have a lot of thoughts and also I don’t want to get into fights so hi tumblr! rant below the cut 😊

(tl;dr I think the bell’s hells are doing the best they can in a series of complicated situations, but people are expecting a kind of inter-party conflict to come from it that doesn’t line up with the text and I don’t get it, so I guess I must become Orym’s #1 defender, feat. a defense of the c3e63 decision, Ludinus Da’leth hate, and big big feelings about Keyleth and Vax)

Take: Orym is uncomfortable with Laudna’s weirdness/creepiness, as evidenced by him always bringing it up and trying to hide and obscure her undead presence.

My opinion: Laudna loves the fact that she’s creepy. She revels in it. Orym/Liam pointing it out in narration is part flavor text, part acknowledging an important aspect of Laudna. It’s like how he always makes sure everyone knows that Orym is Small. Not to mention, Marisha brings it up in her narration as much as Liam does.

During Laudna’s resurrection ritual, Orym says, “I don’t know what Bell’s Hells will be without your darkness, Laudna. Or your light.” He values both sides of her!

Regarding Orym’s disguises for Laudna (i.e. dressing her in white in bassuras, adding flowers to her hair to give her more color in hearthdell), again I don’t think this is a sign of Orym’s discomfort with her. Remember, Orym is a bodyguard. His job is to protect others, protect the group. Yes, several members of Bell’s Hells will draw eyes, but notably, Laudna—being undead-ish, with the Unsettling Presence feature and a canonically scary physical appearance—might strike fear into others. And fear makes people more willing to resort to violence than, say, being surprised by the presence of a robot or a faun. It’s not about making her palatable, it’s about keeping all of them safe. It’s bodyguard behavior.

Also, Orym only does this when they are actively avoiding drawing attention to themselves, and as far as I know, Laudna has only had a problem with it once.

Take: Laudna looked to Ashton and Orym for what to do during the scuffle with Bor’Dor, and Orym encouraged her to let Delilah back in, all because he’s hell-bent on revenge and thinks he can use Delilah’s power to get it. He actively disregarded Laudna’s well-being to further his own goals.

My opinion: No, she wasn’t looking to them for what to do. Marisha said it herself: Laudna was barely present. She couldn’t even hear Deni$e suggest keeping Bor’Dor alive; what makes you think she’s going to see a singular nod from Orym 15 feet away? She had already done Hunger of the Shadow, was already cloaked in the “purple-ish glowing hue that hasn’t been seen in a while,” and Matt had mentioned the heartbeat long before Liam ever said anything. Laudna had already let Delilah back in before Orym nodded and before she killed Bor’Dor. It was a horrible situation all around, but Orym did not convince Laudna to let Delilah back in for his own purposes. It is not his fault that Laudna embraced Delilah’s power or that Bor’Dor died. Laudna made her choice, as heartbreaking and conflicting as it may be, so let her live with it.

And for the record, I think they were justified in killing Bor’Dor. He attacked them with a pretty powerful spell (he did Vitriolic Sphere at its baseline 4th level, which is the second highest level spell he had) and nearly killed Prism in the process. Yes, Bor’Dor did a bit of waffling back and forth between “I’m gonna kill you!” and “just let me die,” but him being a pathetic mess is nothing new. He still tried to kill them all. If they let him live, there was no guarantee he wouldn’t try it again.

I don’t know how to impress this upon people who haven’t already gotten it from just watching the show, but the Ruby Vanguard is a bad group. Ludinus Da’leth is a bad person. He may have convinced some members that his goals are noble, but they aren’t. He is misleading people for his own gain, because guess what? The concept of free will exists even with the existence of the gods! People are allowed to worship them or not, and the gods aren’t smiting people down for refusing to worship them (otherwise Keyleth would be long dead, y’all. she said out loud to the champion of the raven queen that they should use her power while it benefitted them and then find a loophole to get Vax out of her service. and she is so valid for that. 15/10 would do the same).

We had a PC, a dozen or so NPCs, and an entire arc last campaign—and then a whole 4-part series!—that dealt with wizard hubris and its unfortunate consequences. Ludinus was one of those NPCs! What makes you think that Mr. “let’s steal a holy artifact and instigate a war” “should try friends sometime” “Essek looks forward to never seeing his face again” “Trent Ikithon can keep abusing children it’s not my problem” Da’leth suddenly has people’s best interests in mind?

He and the Ruby Vanguard need to be stopped, and Orym, being a person whose driving motivation is “to protect,” is willing to do what needs to be done, even when it sucks.

Take: ooohoohoo Orym’s alignment might be shifting! We need Dorian to get him back on track!

My opinion: No? To both these statements? Firstly, Orym’s alignment isn’t shifting, at least I don’t think so. I’m not an expert on D&D alignments (I think they should be more descriptive than prescriptive/ultimately they matter less than character choices, arcs, and narratives), but I would guess that fighting to maintain the balance of nature and to stop those that would harm others for their own gain is still pretty in line with neutral good? I could maybe see an argument for that being more lawful good, but it didn’t seem like those people were talking about a shift along the horizontal axis.

Secondly, I think Dorian would do the exact same thing Orym is doing. Was that not the whole draw of the Spider Queen’s crown during ExU Prime? Power to protect and save his friends? So I don’t think Dorian would see anything wrong with how Orym is acting, much less take him to task over it.

Take: Look! Orym told Keyleth about Imogen’s mom and said “I don’t care” when Imogen complained! Bad! Mean! Selfish!

My opinion: idk that felt more like Liam being a brat to Laura than anything else.

Like, yes Liam/Orym had his own goals in that convo which were unexpected and uncomfortable, but I don’t think he was wrong to point that out. The moment Keyleth swore to take down Liliana, you could feel everyone in Bell’s Hells get really tense, and I am certain that Keyleth, who has 20 wisdom and ~30 years of experience leading her people and politicking, clocked that instantly. And Orym would have clocked that immediately, and in an effort to make sure that their group had the confidence of a very powerful druid and world leader, decided that full transparency was the way to go.

And I don’t know, this is largely speculation, but Keyleth having that information might mean that she will make sure Imogen doesn’t have to be the one to take down Liliana? Or it might make her more sympathetic and willing to show some mercy to her?

Leaning more fully into speculation bc this relies mostly on inference and assumption: while I do think that Keyleth deserves to know what’s going on with Vax, withholding that information at this juncture might have been another tactical decision from Orym. We don’t know how Keyleth has mourned over the last 30 years, but we know that she’s been angry and we know that losing Vax was and is devastating. I feel like finding out that the love of your life (“forever and ever and ever and always” “I’ll never get over you”) is suffering extreme torment such that the followers of his god are in a period of mourning, basically implying that you’ve lost him all over again, that potentially the one reassurance that you would see him again has been ripped from you, etc., etc. would cause anyone to break down on a good day. Add on the fact that Keyleth is gravely, gravely injured, and you’re basically asking for her to be completely out of commission, because 1) holy moly talk about new trauma, old trauma, grief, longing, guilt, etc. bro I’m an emotional wreck just thinking about Vax and I’m not the one living through it, and 2) that would be a lot of stress on her already extremely stressed body, the consequences of which could be very bad.

It’s a tough decision to make, and while I’m not sure I 100% agree with Orym’s, I think it’s a defensible position.

Anyway thanks for reading this far, I hope you enjoyed my analysis. Again, I don’t want to fight or get into arguments, but I’m down for some brief discussions! Emphasis on brief because I can fall into a rabbit hole very easily, which means this will be the only thing I can think of and I have other things I want to do, shadowgast to write, fearnechetney to draw, and this post already took several hours over two days to write after weeks of mental build up.

[djsadbean]

how to improve drawing kinda fast:

ditch lineart for a bit (this way its easier to part with things that aren’t working)

use a REALLY thin brush

copy, copy, copy art you think is ✨art goals✨

don’t post that stuff tho :O

if you need to trace at first, thats fine lol but break away from that eventually!! you gotta train your eyes to draw what you see, spatial awareness is very important

copy hands, poses, expressions, anything you wanna get better at

don’t copy from refs that are way too simple to be used as a “master study”, like from the calarts shows etc.

copy from stuff thats kinda complex bc if you learn how to draw it in that complex way, you can always simplify it if you want ^^

im pretty sure this is how many of us have become obsessed with hip dips details LOL

if something looks off, flip ur canvas, mess with ur sketch, or even delete (or hide) parts of the sketch and try again. if you drew it once, u can draw it again. (erase or hold up the page to the light backwards if drawing on paper)

being cool with parting with your sketch if its not working will make you a better artist

youre allowed to frankenstein refs together lol (a hand from here, a mouth from there...)

if youre having trouble making your sketches look like theres actual shapes, try shading :D

literally the only reason i shade now is to show the shapes of objects in more of a painterly way (its not just for paintings btw, its just easier to describe it that way)

try new things that youre excited about like perspective, anatomy, blah blah

copy!!!! while youre copying it’s gonna be cool to see how much you remember when you try it on your own

scribble a doodle as often as you can, not like urgently, but like as something to look forward to (like how lots of ppl look forward to wordle everyday lol)

this list can apply to anyone but its fine if you wanna take some advice and leave some if it doesn’t work out. this list is mostly just to get you comfortable with sketching and learning, not performing.

I mention that “not performing” thing bc its easy to want to please social media platforms because that attention and validation can feel amazing! 

but its also addicting because many of us crave being in a community and talking to ppl who like the same things we do

there are many communities out there from artist youtubers, artist streamers, etc. and many of them have discords and stuff and it might be fun to join! and/or join fandom ones if u want ^^ 

that way you have something thats not bound by if ig decides to not show your post to your followers or something

there’s also lots of other platforms that aren’t social media based specifically for artist communities too!

with this said, please be safe! never give out private info and you’re always free to block/report ppl who make u uncomfortable or ask weird things. 

on the topic of being in communities... reblog art you like! comment the nice things youre thinking in the tags or in an actual comment! share art you like on your ig story!

firstly, this is great for making friends

secondly, the artist cant read ur mind so they don’t hear anything nice youre saying :(

comments can be so motivating!! hearing nice things from my mutuals about my art feels great bc of that authentic human connection we’ve all been missing for like 2 years now

if i see a mutual drawing something and i think “omg they did amazing with the expression!” i write it (ive also been told i leave comments as if im talking and its kinda funny to read sometimes xD)

its channeling “girls support girls” culture in a way lol we’re our best when we’re lifting each other up <3

luv ya, be safe!! and draw lots of things!! :D

add stuff that’s helped you improve kinda fast if u want too! if we put all our brain cells together we’ll be unstoppable heheh

[theriu]

River Reads Midnight Sun

Chapter 2: Open Book

In which Edward faces his fears and spends an agonizing amount of time hyperfixating on Bella.

<-Chapter 1

So we jump into chapter two AND next week, as it has been six days since Edward (shockingly) succeeded in leaving town forever (citation needed)! He is chilling (ha) in a snowbank, staring up at the stars, which are truly magnificent. Or he knows they would be, except he can't quite see anything except Bella's face. Yes, the girl has haunted him straight to (checks location on a map) oh he's in ALASKA, okay! I wasn't sure where Denali was, but I was PRETTY sure even Edward couldn't drive a car to Russia. (You'll see why I considered Russia in a minute.)

Anyway, the "unremarkable" face of this girl he's literally never spoken to directly has been haunting him for six days, which is indeed troubling. While he is brooding on this, the thoughts of a new character come leaping towards him. This is where we meet Tanya, a vampire with silver skin, blonde-but-almost-pink curly hair, amber eyes, and full lips. Mary Sue Tanya is stunning and exquisite, at least from Ed's memory, since he still can't see past the face permanently branded on his eyeballs.

So anyway, Mary Sue Tanya does a cannonball into Ed's snowbank, burying him alive with snow but not burying the image of Bella. It becomes clear that she has been crushing on Ed and is sad he will be leaving soon and doesn't return her affections, although he is very polite and gentlemanly about it.

(Honestly, I liked her well enough until we got to the "I'm not used to rejection" line, and then she starts sifting through the memories of all her human male conquests next to the actual mind reader who she is attracted to, to which I say WOMAN REALLY??? I don't think making the guy you like EVEN MORE UNCOMFORTABLE than he's already admitted you kinda make him is an effective way to gain his affections?!)

ANYWAY, thankfully they get off THAT subject quickly and have a really quite nice conversation, wherein Ed apologizes for getting her hopes up by coming to her home territory and Tanya tries to be a good friend. We see a mention of her "long-lost Russian accent," thus my uncertainty about location, and she tells him she knows he won't keep running from his mystery problem because he's the type who faces things head-on. Mary Sue TANYA then runs away across the snow, so light and fast she doesn't even leave footprints, suggesting a connection between vampires and wood elves.

Encouraged by this pep talk, Gary Stu Edward also gets up and runs footprintless across the snow, determined to be brave and go back and face those "bewildered chocolate-brown eyes," and hopefully not eat the girl attached to them.

SCENE CHANGE!

Edward's back in town, and his three vampire siblings/classmates are huddled around him as they head into the lunchroom, being quite adorably protective, honestly. Alice is trying to foresee any problematic eventualities, Jasper thinks it's funny that EDWARD is the one everyone's fretting over instead of him, Emmett is acting like a bodyguard, and Ed is just exasperated with all of them.

To his surprise, nobody at school is thinking about them, suggesting that Bella didn’t blab about his black murderstare from last chapter. After all, a normal human would have asked around about it, because humans and especially teens all like to feel NORMAL and FIT IN and be a "featureless flock of sheep" and WOW, should I be more annoyed at Ed or the author for this intense bias against high schoolers?! But of course Bella isn't like those OTHER kids, she doesn't do things like talk to people when something weird happens!

About this time, Bella walks in and Alice is all, "Act human!" To which Emmett responds by taking out the snowball he compressed into an ice chunk with his superstrength and chucking it at Alice, who casually deflects it across the room at superspeed, where it cracks a brick. This does, ironically, draw attention away from them. Everyone is annoyed at Emmett, which is fair, but also, ALICE COULDN'T YOU HAVE JUST CAUGHT IT INSTEAD OF POTENTIALLY SHOOTING SOMEONE?

Ahem. So Bella's in the lunch line, and Mike Newton, Regular High School Guy And Insignificant Human Rival, is worried about her. Ed starts also worrying about if she might be sickly, what with her translucent skin. (Are we 100% sure BELLA is human?!) The vampires do a slightly better job of acting natural, and Edward decides to refer to Bella as “Bella” and not just "the girl,” "as if she were the only girl in the world," which is HILARIOUS considering where we all know this is going!

After eavesdropping on Bella and Jessica whispering about him looking at her (Bella thinks he's mad at her, after the whole murderstare incident), Bella hunkers under her hair and avoids eye contact, although Ed thinks she keeps twitching like she WANTS to look at him. Then, at long last, lunch ends and everyone starts going to class. There is another internal struggle while Ed reviews what all of his vampire family members have advised about this situation. (Emmett sounding the least helpful, as he has apparently encountered two such delicious-smelling-people incidents that... uh... sound like they did NOT go well?) But Ed is determined to prove to himself that he has the self-control to sit through biology without murdering Bella, so off he goes.

(By the way, Rosalie complains she doesn't want to have to move because they're almost finally out of high school. Again, why are you pretending to be high school students?! It's not like you'll age whether you're there or not?! HOW DOES THIS HELP YOUR COVER??)

Edward gets to Biology to find Bella at their table, doodling randomly. He decides to introduce himself. He gets briefly lost in gratuitously detailed descriptions of her eyeballs and how they are simultaneously like chocolate and strong tea, and how could anyone so frail be deserving of his unwarranted hatred last week? He's also holding his breath, but has enough air in his longs for a reasonably lengthy conversation AND a short laugh, during which Bella is... surprised/startled that he called her Bella? Because her dad introduced her to everyone as Isabella? But she's apparently told multiple people since she got here that she prefers Bella? So he probably could have learned that even without his super vampire eavesdropping powers? WHY is this weird enough to be suspicious, and HOW does it indicate she is intuitive?

Well, the book and Ed believe she is insightful and intuitive, so I guess we should just go with it. Ed does eventually needs to breath so he can talk, and even though just breathing through his mouth is like tasting the FIERY COALS of her deliciousness, and their brief moment of making skin contact is like an ELECTRIC SHOCK, he manages to continue acting normal.

By the way, along with being unconventionally if lopsidedly pretty and smelling delicious, Bella was also in advanced-placement biology at her previous school and Knows Science! Edward realizes this must mean she is ESPECIALLY intelligent for a human, which of course makes perfect sense. After all, she was the first student in two years to look him in the eye long enough to notice they'd changed from the Murderstare Incident's I'm-going-to-eat-you black to today's calmer I'm-probably-not-going-to-eat-you-except-by-accident amber/gold! My friends, may I remind you this man previously admitted he has two medical degrees, a thing that probably required some amount of physically attending college. I really wonder if Ed's standards would be more realistic if he ever once SOCIALIZED WITH HIS HUMAN CLASSMATES.

In an effort to maintain normalcy, they talk about the weather. Bella does not like the cold and wet of Forks. She clearly does not like being in Forks at all. She is vague and grumpy about why she came here, and Edward is so obsessed curious that he may implode (this is the actual word used). We learn (agonizingly slowly) that her mom remarried—and no, Edward, Bella DOES like the guy, he's nice and a minor-league baseball player; and no, Edward, her mom DIDN'T send her here, SHE sent HERSELF here so her mom could happily travel with her step-dad rather than unhappily stay home with her! Ed is certain by now that Bella "isn't like other humans" because he keeps guessing her story arcs wrong and she's just so CONFUSING and UNPREDICTABLE, and this can't possibly be because he's about 100 years out of practice having a normal conversation without a cheat code into the other person's brain.

(Okay, to be fair, there are at LEAST two moments of self-awareness where Ed wonders if he'd be this bad at reading everybody without his mindreading powers. We should give him points for that.)

But despite his difficulties, he DOES figure out that Bella is unhappy, mostly by her sending out signals that a rhino could decipher. When he confronts her with this observation, her response is, "So?" And after meditating on this for an unusually brief paragraph, Ed realizes THE ANSWER:

"She was selfless."

I'm sorry, guys, I need to break for a second, that's the first part that made me laugh out loud. Can someone lend me a combine to harvest all this corn.

(Side Note: As previously stated, I have not read the books or watched the movies, so I could be biased by the negative side of the fanbase. But my general impression of Bella has not lent itself to "selflessness." BUT, it is only chapter two and I am only going off of general hearsay! The amount of poorly concealed disgruntlement is not impressing me, though.)

Anyway, Ed guesses that she doesn't really like her situation but doesn't want people to KNOW she doesn't like it. He continues to marvel at how positively he feels towards this girl, how discerning she is, how *cough* selfless she is, not like an "average martyr" who would actually tell someone she's not 100% happy with her SACRIFICE. Bella gets annoyed, which Ed finds amusing, so there's another adjective for the list. But then she says she's annoyed because she's so easy to read, and Edward can't believe this, because he's never had to work so hard to read someone before! Again, this couldn't possibly be because she's the first person in 100+ years whose mind he can't read!

By the way, Bella also seems to be oblivious immune to the usual red flags normal humans feel around vampires! Ed tries smiling dangerously at her, but the teacher breaks up their conversation with actual classtime, so he gets to angst for a few paragraphs about why he shouldn't find this girl interesting and how dangerous this is for her and yet how MUCH he wants to know more about her. And also trying not to kill her when her thick, black hair flips in his direction and drives his vampire nose bananas.

He books it as soon as the bell rings, having survived the encounter without murdering anyone but with so many new questions about this unremarkable, shy, frail, unmindreadable-yet-highly-face-readable, delicious-smelling, selfless, quietly disgruntled human girl.

(Side Note: I have learned a new word!

"Attar—a fragrant essential oil, typically made from rose petals."

Ex: "Again, I gasped at the clean, wet air outside as though it was a healing attar."

*loud sighing noises*)

So after that brief break, he goes to class with Emmett. Emmett, IMMENSELY HELPFUL EMMETT, asks how it went, questions if it wouldn't be easier to just get it over with, reassures Ed that everyone would understand if he messed up (GIVING IN IS NOT THE SAME AS "MESSING UP," EMMETT), and then vividly visualizes a time he experienced a really good-smelling woman and ate her. Between his earlier blasé-ness about not "wallowing in guilt" over past mistakes and this section's lack of anything indicating regret about that incident, I take back any nice things I might have said about this guy. Emmett, YOU. ARE. THE WORST.

It's so bad that Ed has to bolt out of class AGAIN, although it doesn't help that Emmett follows him and continues to suggest maybe Ed should just get it over with if it's so bad, can Alice or somebody please come punch him. Ed finally gets him to leave and hides in his car. Then, "like an addict" (his own words), he searches the whole school for thoughts about Bella. From his car. My GUY, just how UNREASONABLY powerful ARE your mind radar skills???

He finally locates Bella in gym class, because Mike, who is mad about Ed talking to her, is thinking in logical, complete sentences (as one does) about how satisfied he is that Bella doesn't seem interested in Edward. He also conveniently remembers her asking "what was with" Edward last Monday (after the Deathstare Incident). So apparently Bella isn't QUITE abnormal unique enough to stay totally silent when she encounters a weird thing (not that Edward notices). Ed's response to his annoyance over Mike's satisfaction is to blast "violent music," which seems the opposite of helpful to me.

We end the chapter with Bella coming out of school and heading to her rusty old truck while Ed watches her creepily from his car. She almost hits another student's car when she locks eyes with him, and Ed has to laugh at her sudden increased driving vigilance, as if she might be DANGEROUS! Because of course it's RIDICULOUS to think that BELLA could be dangerous to ANYONE in ANY vehicle, as if the driver's physical frailty has any bearing on the damage a truck can do when crashing into cars or non-vampires at speed.

AND SCENE!

I'm gonna be honest, guys, that one was a couple degrees more agonizing than the first chapter. I dread how much more I'm going to hear about Ed's conflicting desires to eat Bella and be attracted to her simultaneously average yet fascinating allure. She's just so unusually unique and smart and intuitive and selfless and shy and frail and inspires protective instincts, you see, and she's not like ANY OTHER human he's ever encountered, even though we have evidence now that sometimes certain vampires just find certain humans irresistibly delicious, and we can probably extrapolate that those humans were somehow immune to vampire powers, too.

I also highly question Bella's above-average "martyrdom," considering she dropped her guard pretty fast around the cute stranger and basically broadcasted how unhappy she is with her decision, which makes it feel a bit like she did what she did so she could feel good about herself rather than because it was the best thing to do? Being selfless doesn't mean COMPLETELY ignoring your own needs, or justify using your good deed as an excuse to have a poor attitude. Of course, considering that half her traits that Ed notices and marvels over are actually fairly normal, I don't think any of us feel a strong need to trust his assessments of her character.

Next up is CHAPTER THREE: RISK. I'm sure it will feature Edward being very level-headed and undramatic. I think I need to build my endurance back up for this one. (And thanks for the likes and comments so far, they really help keep me motivated! =D)

Chapter 3->

[the-cult-of-russo]

Just Beneath The Flames (Part 2)

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Warnings: cursing, smut at some point probably lmao, zombie shit, typical canon violence. You know the drill.

A/N: I just wanna thank everyone for the love of this story so far! I love that you guys like it so much and I hope you continue to love it! 

—-----------------

The walk back to the camp was a lot less tense than the walk before. You were feeling a little more relaxed knowing that at least for the time being, you had one less problem to worry about. The men spoke in hushed tones to each other, looking like they were riding a slight high after all the violence. You really couldn't bring yourself to care though, not when they’d helped you with the assholes and also given you food. They may have just saved your life twice over. When you finally got back to the camp, Karen rushed over, whisking Frank away as she hugged him, clearly happy he was unscathed. Billy went over to who you now knew to be Micro and Curtis, now awake, as you just stood on the periphery of the camp, feeling very much like the outsider you were. You hovered uncertainly, waiting to be taken to the hunting store. You knew there was one around in the area but since you had no vehicle and it wasn't super close, you’d never ventured that far. You’d traveled around for far too long and you’d finally set up base. You didn't want to have to travel and get caught out there, especially when the assholes were still alive. You knew you’d have to move again eventually. The food would run out, the stores picked clean and probably another group of crazy people would turn up. It was just how it was now. But you liked where you were and you wanted to stay there as much as possible. It was hard traveling all the time, not taking any roots. It left you feeling unsettled and all over the place. 

“Hey, we haven't met yet. I’m Curtis,” the man smiled as he approached you. You hadn't met all of them yet although now you knew their names due to Frank. You hadn’t spoken to Micro’s wife or kids, not that you blamed them for keeping the weird stranger who had been planning to rob the camp from meeting the kids of the group. You wondered how hard that was. Having a group was stressful anyway, having others to look out for, to keep safe. But kids were a whole other ball game. They were more likely to make mistakes, being kids and all, and more likely to draw attention to themselves. You were glad your old group hadn't had kids, especially since everyone ended up dead. 

“I’m Y/N,” you said with a polite yet slightly awkward smile. He opened his mouth to say something but Frank came over so he gave you another smile before moving back over to the main camp.

“Alright, Bill’s gonna take you up to the hunting store,” he muttered with a nod. You’d hoped it would have been Frank or at least he’d have been there. It was a little easier to talk to him given he was the one doing most of the talking. Billy was just cold so you knew it would be uncomfortable. 

“Okay. When I’m done, I’m just gonna get him to drop me off near my camp,” you murmured, hitching your heavy backpack up a little. You wanted to make it clear you wouldn't be coming back, it almost felt rude to just vanish after going to the store without at least telling him. He nodded, looking thoughtful as he rubbed his chin a little.

“You sure I can’t convince you to join us?” he asked, giving you a tentative smile. You snorted and shook your head.

“Nah, I’m good. I wouldn't be averse to seeing you guys around again at some point though. Maybe we could look out for each other,” you replied softly, making him nod.

“Yeah, we could do that,” he smiled. You weren't quite sure what you could do for them if you were honest, maybe just tag along if they needed an extra person to help with something. You were mostly thinking of yourself, you had to in this world. It would be good to know you had a group of people to have your back if it came to it. 

“You want me to tell the other’s you’re leavin’?” he asked and you shook your head rapidly.

“No… I’m just a stranger, don’t need to make shit weird with a goodbye speech,” you snorted ruefully.

“I get that,” he chuckled, glancing over at the others for a moment. Karen was saying something to Billy who was putting his sniper away before checking his handgun.

“Well… It was good meetin’ you, Y/N,” Frank muttered when his eyes drifted back to you.

“You too,” you smiled. It was nice meeting people that didn’t want to kill you, it felt like a rare thing these days. He gave you a light tap on the arm, walking back over to everyone and talking to Billy briefly. Billy then sauntered over to you.

“Ready?” he asked, not sounding too happy about being the one to take you. You wondered if Karen had forced Frank to stay after him going out there and putting himself in danger like he had. 

“Yep,” you replied.

The ride in the black van was a little tense and uncomfortable. You knew he didn’t trust you, not that you blamed him. You didn’t fully trust him either. But the air was thick and you shifted in your seat, watching out the window as he drove. The world looked the same yet completely different. It was weird. It was still dark outside but the moon was full and bright. The only beauty left in the world.

“So… what d'you do before all this?” he asked after the longest silence in history. Your eyes moved from the window to him. He wasn't looking at you, looking out at the road, but at your silence, he glanced over at you. You wondered if the silence had been bothering him too.

“I was a veterinarian, not that it matters anymore,” you snorted sardonically. You’d loved your job with everything you had. You’d known from a young age you wanted to help animals.

“Nah, I don’t believe that shit,” he huffed, shaking his head.

“You don’t believe I was a vet?” you asked, sounding amused. He looked at you, a slight smirk on his face.

“Not that, that it doesn't matter anymore. Me and Frank, we were Marines. I’d say it helped quite a bit with the way shit went down. And Curtis was a medic, somethin’ pretty valuable now. I’m guessin’ being a vet… you got a lotta medical knowledge that helps too now,” he shrugged.

“Right… If your cat has a cough or your dog needs neutering, let me know,” you muttered with an eye roll and a snort.

“Nah, you know what I mean. You know some shit most of us don’t, probably even helped out with your old group ‘cause of it,” he mused, his dark eyes boring into you as he raised a brow. You looked away from him, eyes once again looking out of the window yet this time unfocused. You had tried to use some of your knowledge and training to help your old group, but that was the issue. Because no matter what you did, it didn't help and they wound up dead anyway. And while a part of you knew it was probably inevitable, that even a person with all the medical knowledge in the world probably couldn't have helped them, you couldn't help but feel like you failed them all. The drive once again became silent and tense, with Billy probably sensing your souring mood and deciding not to make further conversation. It didn't take too long after that though before you saw the row of stores, one of them being the hunting store. Billy didn’t park up front, not that you expected him to. Every move you made now had to be cautious, worrying about the living as well as the dead. Who knew what others resided in these parts none of you had met yet? 

He pulled around the back and once parked, you opened the door and hopped out, grabbing the knife from your thigh. Billy came around the van too as you both started walking around the stores to the front silently. The street was eerily quiet and you weren't sure it was a good thing. Right now it was, it meant you didn’t have to fight through a sea of the dead to get what you wanted. But the absence of any roamers on the street only made you worried that a herd was somewhere. They liked to do that you noticed, bunch up into a group. It made it dangerous when you saw a pack of them. It was harder to go around undetected and they were ruthless, they could tear down a house if the group was big enough. Billy ended up walking in front of you a little, his dark eyes sweeping around much like yours were and you wondered if he was having the same observations. You both stopped outside of the door for the hunting store and Billy, holding his knife too, tapped on the glass a few times. It was a trick you’d also picked up, to gauge what mess awaited you inside. There were a few groans and you tilted your head a little.

“What you think? Two or three?” Billy asked quietly, his eyes turning to you.

“Three I think. Two in the front, maybe one in the back,” you replied as you listened and tried to gauge where you were hearing the noise. Billy looked slightly impressed for less than a second before he nodded and opened the door, clicking on a flashlight in his other hand. Billy went to the right so you went left, straight at one of the dead who stumbled around a shelf. It was dark with no electricity, but your eyes were used to the darkness now, you’d adjusted to being able to see better than you had before the world fell apart. Billy’s flashlight was pretty bright too and it spilled over to your side of the store. You didn’t hesitate to shove your knife right through the dead one’s eye socket, pulling the knife out roughly as it stopped moving and making noise. It hit the floor with a heavy thud. At one point, you’d hated having to do this. Back when they still looked like people and weren't so badly decomposed. It was harder that way, to look at someone and think of who they used to be. To see a person. But most of them now looked like the monsters they were and you didn’t see any humanity when you looked at them. It was easier that way. When you looked over at the other side of the store, Billy was wiping his knife on the shirt of the dead guy on the floor. He stood back up, his eyes meeting yours for a moment as the last one still groaned. As you thought, it was coming from the back room.

“I got it,” he muttered, twirling his knife gracefully in his hand before he strolled off to the back room, most of the light going with him. 

You looked around, shoulders slumping a little now you were finally taking in the place. It was picked clean, nothing good or useful left. You felt disappointment settle like a stone in your stomach as you heaved a large sigh. You jumped when a sharp whistle pierced the air, your head whipping to the open back room door to see Billy. He gestured with his head to come over before he disappeared. Your first response was to bristle at being whistled at like that, like you were a dog. But you realized it seemed to be how the group communicated with each other and it was probably second nature to him. You walked over and walked inside, the backroom a little brighter with Billy's flashlight. Your eyes darted around the room, noticing the dead man on the floor before looking at some of the things in the back room. It wasn't full of supplies but it at least had something. Both you and Billy started to rifle through the boxes and you hoped you'd find what you were looking for. Billy let out a low whistle like he was impressed and when you looked over, he had a large machete in his hands. He unsheathed it, grin on his face as he looked at it. Both the blade and handle were black and it was pretty hefty looking. He chuckled, putting it back in the sheath before attaching it to his belt. You moved around closer to the back end of the room and stopped when you saw a box. There staring at you was a Hoyt Torrex XT Compound Hunting Bow. it wasn’t a fancy one by any means, more of a budget model, but you knew it was good and it would certainly do the job. You’d been without a bow close to a year now and with food getting harder and harder to get, you knew this would be the difference between being able to eat and starving to death. You grinned, all but ripping the bow out of the box and grabbing it, weighing it in your hand. It felt good, you almost felt like you’d got a lost limb back. You rummaged around more near the area, pleased to find a bunch of arrows. You could always make them if you needed to but they wouldn't be as precise as ones like these. You found a quiver nearby, putting the arrows into it and shouldering it. It would be a little annoying with your backpack which was currently left in the van, but you’d figure something out another time. You turned to Billy who was shoving stuff in his bag. You weren’t quite sure what and you didn't care too much either.

“I’m done,” you said, clutching the bow in your hand. He looked up after he zipped his bag, a slightly amused look on his face at the sight of you with a bow.

“Alright,” he nodded, slinging his backpack back on. You both made your way back to the front of the store, Billy cautiously looking out of the door before leaving entirely. You followed him back around to the van at the back of the store, putting the quiver by the bag in the footwell before climbing inside with the bow in your lap.

The drive started off silent once more as he started his journey back. You’d be getting dropped off just a little past halfway back from the store and you couldn't wait to just settle down and get some sleep. You were exhausted from all the drama of the night. 

“You know how to use that thing?” Billy asked with a condescending tone and a condescending smile to match.

“Yep,” you replied vaguely, giving him a wan smile. You could have told him you’d taken archery classes when you were younger, how your parents insisted you and your brother do it along with various extracurricular activities. That you’d been a natural in it and excelled. You couldn't be bothered though, especially with his tone. You still couldn't get a read on him, couldn't decide if you liked him much. He seemed decent enough but he was a little cocky and patronizing sometimes. He rolled his eyes at your answer as he kept on driving. When you got to a more familiar place, somehow recognizing the trees even though they all seemed to look the same, you looked over at him.

“You can just drop me off here,” you said softly. He slowed the van before it stopped and he had a weird look on his face as he looked at you.

“Your camp here?” he asked.

“Around abouts,” you shrugged. He scoffed, shaking his head with the smirk that seemed to permanently live on his face.

“So you know where our camp is but we can’t know where yours is?” he asked with slightly narrowed eyes.

“Basically. Knowing where I’m staying wasn’t part of the deal,” you smirked, opening the van door. You hopped out, grabbing your bag and putting it on one shoulder, the quiver over the other and your bow in your hand.

“See you around,” you said, giving him a rueful smile at his put-out face.

“Yeah…” he muttered, tilting his head. You shut the door and didn’t spare him another look as you walked off into the trees. It didn't take you too long before you felt relief seep into your bones when you spied the tree house. 

You weren't sure who built it out here or why and it wasn’t small either. It was pretty decently sized in a large thick tree. You’d stumbled on it by chance. You made your way over, carefully climbing up the rope and wood ladder, being mindful that your balance was a little off with all the weight you were carrying. Once in the treehouse, you pulled up the ladder like you always did so no one else could get inside while you were there. There was no door which meant the cold was still a problem. You hadn't had a winter here yet but you knew it would be coming soon. You weren't looking forward to it. It was roomy for a treehouse and you had a sleeping bag and pile of blankets in one corner. The other corner that usually housed your food was bare but you smiled to yourself as you emptied your very full bag, neatly stacking the cans and other items you’d gotten. You put the bow, your new pride and joy, just under the window with the arrows. You wanted to go hunting in the next few days. You’d never hunted animals before the turn, it kind of went against your whole thing about being a vet. But it was necessary now and you were always respectful to the animal, never made them suffer. Your body was drained and you lay down, wrapping yourself in your many blankets as you snuggled into them. You'd had a pretty decent night and it made you a little hopeful for the future. 

Two days later and you were stalking through the woods silently, following a deer. When you’d started hunting for food with your old bow, you only ever found small game. Rabbits, squirrels, but never a deer. You were slightly nervous but you made sure your footfalls were as silent as can be so you didn't startle it, waiting for the right moment to strike. You knew it would be a lot of meat and you didn’t want to pass it up, but you also knew you didn’t have a way to preserve it and it would be far too much for just you. You thought about keeping what you could for yourself and giving the rest to Frank and his group. It wouldn’t last as long with the group having many people in it, but they’d get a good few meals out of it. Something more substantial than shitty canned foods and protein bars. The deer finally stopped and you held your breath, aiming your bow as you blew out slowly. You aimed for just below the halfway point in its chest, just behind its front leg. You knew that's where its heart and lungs were and you wanted this to be a clean and quick kill. Not only because you didn't want to go chasing it through the woods but because you didn't want the animal to needlessly suffer. 

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, the light voice carried off in the wind as you let your arrow fly. It struck just where you aimed as the deer ran off panicked as you knew it would. It didn't get far before it collapsed though, now lifeless. You took a shaky breath, a small frown on your face as you walked over to it. You really didn't get any joy out of doing this, it’s just how things were now. You bent down and took the arrow out carefully, wiping it on your pants before putting it back in your quiver. You stroked its soft fur for a moment as you silently thanked the animal. It wouldn't go to waste, it would feed you for a while and Frank’s camp would also benefit from it. You tied its front legs together before doing the same to the back, leaving some twine from the front to the back so you could carry it easier. It wasn’t a large deer but you knew it would be heavy. You grunted as you heaved it up, wearing it almost like a bag with the twine around your shoulder. The extra weight made you a little slower to get back to your camp but you hadn’t gone too far. Once you got back, you set to prepping the meat under the large tree your treehouse was in. You’d already set up a campfire down here for you to cook your food with, not wanting to set fire to the treehouse. 

You weren't sure what time it was when you were done, wasn't sure what time it was at all anymore other than day and night. But it was still light and you knew it was early when you’d gone out to hunt. You mused it was probably around afternoon-ish. You pulled some plastic bags from your backpack that had been sitting at the bottom of the tree. You’d found a roll of them once in a store and decided to take them. You did that a lot, finding random shit and taking it, not knowing when you’d use it. It had proved to be pretty handy. You put in the meat you’d prepped for Frank and his camp, it was a decent amount and depending on how they rationed it, it might last them a few days. You wanted to find a way to preserve meat naturally so it would last longer. It was getting colder these days which would help but it would still spoil far too quickly for your liking. It would be better if you could hunt in advance, knowing it would get harder in the winter. Back in your old group, Derek, an older man, had made jerky because it would last for a long time and it was easier to carry around with you. You thought you still remembered how to do it but it would be hard since it was getting closer to the winter months. Derek had done it naturally by hanging them in the sun and heat of the sweltering summer. You knew salt would help to preserve the meat but you hadn’t been able to find any in your trips to various stores. When you were done getting Frank’s meat ready, you put your own in a bag and then buried it to keep it cooler until you got back. It wasn't perfect but it would have to do. You also buried all the innards in a different hole to avoid drawing the dead to you with the smell. It took a while to get everything sorted and done and you wanted to head out before it got dark. You never really liked being out at night. While you’d adjusted to see better and had somewhat got used to this life, it was incredibly eerie out in the woods at night, especially if the dead were around and groaning in the distance. You put Frank’s meat in your bag, leaving your bow behind as you made sure you had your knife strapped to your thigh and then set out. The camp wasn't too far but far enough that you still felt nice and secluded. Despite going there only once, you remembered the path vividly. 

You heard them talking, although it wasn't too loud, as you weaved through the trees to the camp. You felt a little awkward just showing up like this but you knew they wouldn't be mad since you brought them food. It was just strange for you now, helping others, doing something nice. You’d only had yourself to worry about for so long and in a way you liked it that way after all the shit you’d been through. But a part of you missed the camaraderie of being with others, the safety it gave you in numbers. Just talking to another human and not yourself. Karen was the first to see you, jumping up from where she had been sitting next to Frank at the fire as she made a beeline for you.

“Y/N!” she beamed, making you feel even more awkward as she seemed so happy to see you. She almost looked like she was about to scoop you up in a hug but she seemed to think better of it. Maybe it was your incredibly tense posture. You hadn’t been able to help it.

“Hey,” you murmured awkwardly, a smile toying on your lips.

“It's so good to see you,” she grinned and you looked over at the fire when you saw movement. Frank was now coming your way as the others looked at you.

“Back so soon? Please tell me you're not bringin' bad news about another group,” he smirked wryly, making you snort. You slipped your backpack off your shoulder as you shook your head.

“No bad news but I did bring this,” you replied, pulling the meat-filled bag out of your bag. 

“What is it?” Micro piped up curiously from where he was sitting. While you weren't directly at the campfire, you were within hearing distance.

“Deer, caught it this morning,” you shrugged as Frank took the bag.

“You’ve gotta be fuckin’ kiddin’ me,” Billy huffed with a sour face, making you look at him.

“Don’t mind him, he’s just bitter ‘cause he hasn’t bagged a deer yet,” Frank snorted, making you smile as you looked away from Billy who was glowering at you.

“We really appreciate this,” Frank added, a meaningful look on his face. They didn’t seem like they were struggling for food too much but you knew just as well as they did that it didn’t last long. And for the harsher colder months where fresh meat would be harder to find, the canned goods were best saved for then.

“You didn’t need to do this, Y/N,” Karen murmured. She was smiling but she also looked a little guilty and you knew exactly what was going through her head.

“I can’t eat it all and it’ll just go to waste. Figured you guys could use it. Get some good protein in the kids that doesn't come from bars,” you said ruefully. 

“Thank you,” you turned to look at the sincere voice to see it came from Sarah, Micro’s wife and you nodded at her. You didn’t know how she did it, having kids in a world like this. 

“Do you want some cans or anything?” Frank asked, making a move to go over to where their food was in crates but you shook your head quickly, stopping him in his tracks.

“I’m good. This isn't a trade or anything… Just me being… a good neighbor, I guess,” you snorted and he chuckled at your words. 

“At least stay and eat with us,” Karen insisted, her eyes imploring.

“You don't have to do that, I’ve got meat back at my camp,” you protested, not really wanting to stick around too long. You felt like you connected with Karen and Frank in a way. The way you did when the world goes to hell in a handbasket and you didn't need to know people long before you knew you could count on them. But you still really didn't know the others and still weren't sure about Billy. It was a little uncomfortable for you to encroach on their eating time like this. 

“I don’t care, you're eating with us,” Karen said firmly, snatching the bag of meat from Frank before she strode over to the fire with purpose. Frank barked a laugh and shook his head fondly at her before giving you a look with a raised brow.

“The lady’s spoken, you ain’t goin’ anywhere,” he grinned. You started to wonder who was really in charge here. 

It was far more awkward to just leave now after Karen's declaration so you followed Frank to the fire area where everyone was dotted about. Some of the others smiled or nodded at you, not seemingly minding a stranger in their midst. You weren't quite sure where to sit but the only available spot was next to Billy who was sharpening his knife with some kind of rock. You took your backpack off, setting it on the floor before sitting down carefully. You’d purposely left some space between you and Billy so he didn’t feel like you were crowding him. Karen started cooking the meat and everyone seemed to be in good spirits. No one really spoke to you directly but the conversations seemed to be open to anyone as they all conversed with each other, you’d just chosen not to really engage. You just felt like an outsider. You were. 

“So, where'd you find the deer?” Billy asked after a long while. When you turned to glance at him, his dark eyes were already watching you.

“A little north of my camp,” you explained with a shrug. His lips quirked into an amused smirk, his eyes going back to his knife.

“Right… that’d be helpful if I knew where your camp was,” he drawled mockingly and you smirked to yourself.

“Can’t give away all my secrets, Billy,” you snorted. It made him chuckle and shake his head. He seemed the type to hate not knowing things and you weren't sure why you enjoyed annoying him a little. 

“How’s that bow treatin’ you?” he asked. You hadn't expected him to make idle conversation with you but you went along with it. It would make you look a lot less weird than you just sitting there silently and staring off into the fire. 

“It’s good. Not as good as my old bow, but it gets the job done,” you murmured, making his eyes turn to you again.

“What bow did you have?” he asked curiously. Your lips curled into a wry grin as you pointed to his that was resting against a tree not too far away. He looked over his shoulder at it before chuckling again.

“You tellin’ me you know how to handle that thing?” he asked, that patronizing tone back in his voice.

“Which one of us bagged a deer again?” you asked, brows raised in amusement. He rolled his eyes and sharpened his knife a little more aggressively. 

“Just ‘cause I ain’t found one yet doesn’t mean I can’t get one,” he muttered, sounding like a child and you bit your lower lip to hide your smirk.

“Mhm, sure. You do know how to track, right?” you asked condescendingly, making his head snap in your direction as he glared at you, his mouth slightly agape at your audacity. 

“Here you go,” Karen grinned, handing you the cooked meat on a paper plate. You took it with a grateful smile and then she handed Billy’s to him. The idea of some good meat seemed to take precedence over you mocking his skills as he grinned at Karen and wasted no time in shoveling the food in his mouth. Everyone gathered by the fire as they ate and made conversation. It was going well until someone decided to outright speak to you.

“So, Y/N, Billy told me you were a vet before all of this,” Curtis smiled warmly. You glanced up, mouth still full of food and you swallowed it down, feeling uncomfortable as all eyes turned to you.

“Uh… yeah,” you answered, giving him a polite smile back. You weren’t quite sure what else to say to that if you were honest. It was all in the past, a time long forgotten and none of it mattered anymore. 

“That's good, some good skills there. I bet they’ve come in handy for you since the turn,” he replied and you felt the bitter pang hit you right in the chest.

“If by coming in handy, you mean failing everyone I cared about then… sure,” you gave him a wan smile as you continued to eat, an uncomfortable silence settling over the group at your words and tone. You were thankful when Karen started conversation up again and the group slowly eased back into it. You couldn't help yourself though. You were sick of people presuming because you’d been a vet that you were some kind of healer now. You’d failed, numerous times by now. You didn’t need reminding over and over again. You ate your food and tried to keep out of conversation, but then it turned into the group discussing the lack of dead ones lurking around in the forest. You couldn't help but listen to the conversation as you licked your fingers, not letting anything go to waste.

“That’s a good thing though, right? I mean, if there’s less of them here then we should be safe,” Sarah said, looking mildly relieved as she looked between Frank and Micro who had been the main ones talking about it.

“Not really,” the words slipped out of your mouth before you could even help yourself. You were starting to think you wouldn't get invited to camp again after this for being such a Debbie Downer. All eyes looked at you once more and you shrunk in on yourself a little.

“What do you mean?” Sarah asked, a small frown on her face. You blew out a sigh with a shrug.

“It’s not usually a good sign that there’s not many around. The dead ones are like animals and sometimes, they travel in herds. I’ve seen some up to as large as a hundred. From my experience, when it seems quiet, not long after a big group shows up. You really don't wanna be caught up in that sh-... stuff,” you quickly changed shit for stuff simply because the kids were here too, both of them watching you with wide eyes at your words. You didn’t want to scare people but you knew they had to be safe. Not everyone had seen the dead travel in groups before, some people didn't even know they did. You’d rather warn them in case a herd burst through the area than turn up here one day to find them all dead. Sarah’s concerned face snapped to Frank then and he looked deep in thought before he looked at Billy.

“We need to keep an eye out, see if we can spot ‘em anywhere,” he muttered gravely and Billy nodded, looking a little tense and like he was thinking. You wiped your hands on your jeans, deciding you’d probably depressed them all enough for one day.

“Alright, I’m gonna head back before it gets dark,” you murmured, moving to stand up. Most people in the group started talking over each other, thanking you for bringing the deer and it was hard to keep up with who was saying what. 

“Want me to walk you back or anything?” Frank offered. It seemed like he felt indebted to you or something over the meat but you shook your head with a grateful smile.

“Nah, I’m good,” you said softly.

“Can’t give away your secrets, right?” Billy asked from where he was sitting. When you looked at him, he was giving you that patent amused smirk and you snorted. 

“I’ll see you guys around,” you smiled, grabbing your backpack and slinging it on. 

“Stay safe,” Karen insisted, a concerned smile on her face. 

“I’ll try,” you smirked wryly before turning your back and heading off. 

The walk back wasn’t far and far too quiet, it made you think of what you’d said at the campfire. You never thought you’d dread the days where the dead were scarce, but you knew it didn't always mean good things and it worried you. You were almost home when you rolled your eyes. The whole way home you’d had that weird feeling, the one you get when you know someone’s watching you. When the hair on the back of your neck prickles up. You knew it very well but you’d tried to ignore it thinking you were being paranoid, but when it didn’t go away, you realized you weren’t being paranoid at all.

“I know you’re there, Billy,” you snorted, stopping and turning around. There was pure silence for a beat and part of you started to wonder if you were wrong, but then he stepped out from behind a tree with a lazy smirk on his face like he wasn't even sorry for it.

“What gave it away?” he asked with an impish grin, brows raised.

“You’re not as stealthy as you might think,” you stated flatly. He looked like someone just smacked him in the face and it made you smirk to yourself.

“Excuse me? I was known for bein’ stealthy in the Marines, so don’t give me that shit,” he huffed indignantly. 

“Why are you following me?” you asked, raising a brow. He licked his lower lip looking somewhat amused as he shrugged.

“Wanted to make sure you got back okay,” he answered smoothly, his dark eyes pinning you in place.

“Something tells me that’s a load of shit,” you replied with a smirk and he chuckled, once again shrugging.

“Maybe I just wanted to see where you’re hidin’ out since you’re bein’ so secretive about it. I don’t like secrets,” he punctuated his words with a patronizing smile and you rolled your eyes heavenward.

“I’m not being secretive just because I like being alone,” you muttered.

“Right, well I-” his words cut off abruptly at the sound of groaning, but it wasn’t the sound of one or two dead ones. No, this was a chorus of groaning that suddenly made you feel like someone poured ice-cold water over you. It was like your earlier words had come back to bite you in the ass, like you’d summoned them here by simply talking about them. Both yours and Billy’s heads shot to the side of you, seeing the dead pouring through the trees towards you.

“Shit,” Billy hissed, turning around to head back the way he came. You knew what he was thinking, he was thinking about his people. But instead of making a fast retreat back, he was greeted with more of the dead and you felt your heartbeat skyrocket so much you heard it in your ears.

“We gotta go!” you insisted firmly, moving over to him.

“I can’t just fuckin’ leave! Frank-” he started arguing, his face looking frantic.

“You’ll lead them right to the camp, Billy,” you hissed urgently, seeing the dead getting closer and closer to you. He looked conflicted, eyes darting behind him to where his camp was, where a sea of the dead were cutting him right off from getting back to his people and then to you.

“If these guys came from that way…” his tone was laced with pain but you shook your head.

“They could have come from anywhere and turned up here, we need to go!” you commanded harshly. You didn’t want to leave him here like this but like hell you were waiting for the dead to be too close to get away from. He growled, shaking his head and you felt annoyance hit you like a mack truck. You grabbed his wrist and started tugging him in the direction of your treehouse. At least up there you’d be safe until they passed. While he didn’t seem happy about it, he let you tug him so you knew he saw some sense at least as he’d easily be able to break from your hold if he wanted. You both ran with the dead on your heels, you still gripping his wrists in case his stupidity won out until you got to your large tree. You shoved him towards the ladder and he didn't hesitate to go up it, you right behind him. The pair of you settled on the floor either side of the open doorway and you panted, trying to catch your breath as you looked out of it and quickly pulled the ladder up. The dead couldn’t climb but you weren’t taking any chances. The dead ambled their way past, their groans almost deafening you and making you wince. When you looked at Billy, he was staring outside too with a dark look on his face. You weren’t sure what to say to make him feel better. You meant it when you said they could have come from anywhere but they also could have come right through his camp. You weren't about to tell him everything was fine when it might not be, not with such certainty. You and Billy were both sitting in tense silence, the only sound in the treehouse coming from the roamers below as they walked by. You weren’t sure how many of them there were but it seemed never ending and unfortunately, a small group of them, maybe around seven, must have seen you go up as they lurked around the tree and didn’t follow the others. You blew out a breath and slumped against the wooden wall, knowing you were in for a wait, you just really hoped it wouldn't be for too long, mostly for Billy’s sake. 

Taglist: (if you’ve been asked to be tagged and aren’t here, it wouldn’t let me tag some people.)

@firexfate

@blanchedelioncourt

@ariesbutalibra

@sunshinedaisies-anddeath

@snowkestrel

@music-indie-tv

@idaofinfinity

@sweetserendipity65

@ramadiiiisme

@k-marzolf

@celestialams

@woowwwee

[corazon-calaveras]

Late Night Thoughts

Okay so..............

The coffin of Andy and Leyley. Where do I even begin?

It's a very good game I'll admit that and I'll give credit where credit is due. The game has a very simplistic but cool art style which makes it very recognizable to the fans of the game or at least those who have either played it or seen playthroughs of it. The overall story telling and pace is very well done and it certainly has kept me intrigued. I tend to have a soft spot for plots that contain edgy and dark themes to it (so long as it is written really well and not overdone) and this game seems to have done a good job of not overdoing it.

Now then, on with some issues I personally have with a certain aspect that has definitely left a sour taste in my mouth (and not in a good way considering I love sour candy and what not).

(Just a heads up, I'm not saying that the topic I'm about to talk about can't be used in stories, in fact this topic has done a really good job to make me feel bad for Andrew but at the same time be like "Dude, are you dumb?!". The incest aspect of their relationship is actually written well because it's done one hell of a good job to make me feel uncomfortable as fuck and I hate it. Now do I support incest? Absolutely fucking not, that shit is hella disgusting and I DO NOT condone that shit.)

On to the rant.

The major issue I have about the story of the game is the overall relationship Andrew and Ashley have and of course it's the incest aspect of the relationship. But that's obviously a very obvious topic that a lot of people would not be a fan of (unfortunately there are some creeps out there who ship the two regardless). Let's set the incest aside for a moment and discuss the main issue of the Grave sibling's (that's their last name, right?) relationship and that is how very toxic and abusive it actually is.

In the first episode of the game we see that Ashley has a very unhealthy obsession with her brother and although there's nothing wrong with having a fondness of your sibling, Ashley just takes that fondness to the EXTREME. We see that she gets overly jealous whenever Andrew remotely gives another girl attention and would do anything to get them away from Andrew as we could see in the game. I mean c'mon, she not only committed manslaughter (straight up murder actually) she also consistently harassed Andrew's girlfriend until she dumped him. But oh, that's not the only horrible things she's done to Andrew. Ashley would straight up emotionally manipulate him into doing all the dirty work only for her to later on be like "I didn't tell you to do it, you CHOSE to do it yourself." Miss girl don't lie, we all know you literally manipulated him into doing it to appease you only to later have the AUDACITY to gaslight him.

Now I won't go too hard on Andrew considering that he's the victim in all of this but there are times when he literally could have put an end to Ashley's abusive behavior and stand up to her, but seeing him try to do so only to fall back to being submissive made me feel sorry for the guy. However, things would get even weirder with him when he asked his girlfriend to tie her hair up so she could resemble Ashley a little more which uh.....HELLO??? Nah nah nah, you wrong for that one Andrew. I'm sure there's a few other things he's done that's equally as weird as Ashley but so far that's the one example I can think of at the moment. Oh wait, there's that one official art of Ashley just sitting on Andrew's lap with a bitemark on her shoulder while he's lighting a cigarette and has a hand up her thigh as if it was completely normal. *Sighs* Sweet home Alabama.

I know there are people out there who will say things like: "But the game literally has cannibalism and murder but you draw the line at incest? That makes no sense!" Um, no not really. It's literally in our nature to find incest disgusting considering how the offspring will come out with a lot of issues and thus will not survive out in the world. Yes I'm aware that royalties in the olden days literally married their distant cousins to not "taint" the bloodline and I say that those people are equally as weird as the ones who ship Ashley and Andrew. As for the cannibalism part, yes it's also disgusting but if you think about it it makes a lot of sense that someone would resort to it if it's for survival, a last resort if you will. Incest? Now how the fuck is that going to benefit human survival? Last I checked no one has ever done the dirty with their own family members to survive.

Alright, and I think that concludes my rant for tonight. I just felt like ranting about the Grave sibling's relationship because I literally have no one else to talk to about this and I do find the topic interesting.........very disturbing though.

Eugh, gross.