#nothing is stressing me out so we're ignoring it lol

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

HAPPY HSMTMTS EVE!!!!!

[diagonal-queen]

Your blog is very safe, me thinks. Very comfort, if that makes sense lol. I have a request, feel free to ignore this but I can't help but to wonder what a few BSD men would be like with a very mature/maternal and responsible s/o who tends to put themsleves last and burn themselves out (preferably fem, as I am an older sister who has taken on the role of caregiver and project HEAVILY) I'd like to see Fyodor, Poe, Ranpo and Jouno. (You can throw in anyone else if you want)

BSD boys with a self-sacrificing girlfriend

♡ pairing: Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Edgar Allan Poe, Ranpo Edogawa, Saigiku Jouno x fem!Reader

♡ synopsis: How are they with a caring and self-sacrificing girlfriend?

♡ cw: Swearing, use of fem titles, she/her pronouns, mentions of stress and burnout.

note: Thank you for the sweet message anon <3 it's truly a shame that you and i are the exact same person who have experienced the exact same burden of raising children we didn't choose to have. but i've moved out now so i'm free!! come live with me queen tf we're besties now. apologies for errors and I hope you enjoy x

Fyodor:

Fyodor is a trad man. I'm sure he has some weird beliefs about how women are supposed to have some normalised feminine traits, but this is too much even for him.

It really pains him to see you be so selfless, truly. Though he admires your kindness and patience, he just wants you to be content. He wants you to be comfortable.

Does he enjoy having what is basically a personal maid around? Yes, yes he does. Does he feel guilty for feeling that? No. But does he recognise that your current self-sacrificing routine is unhealthy? YES HE DOES.

So...he simply does not make you do anything at all. If you want to do something for him that's on you.

If you want to do something for someone *else*, he probably won't really let you. Unless it's like family or something, then he understands, but no, you're not helping that random child get their kite unstuck from that tree no matter how much you want to, myshka.

Fyodor absolutely doesn't involve you in his work. He knows that'll only stress you out more, and that's the last thing you need. As such he keeps you away from his coworkers (especially Mykola. Sorry Mykola lovers)

He comes to value his time spent relaxing with you, because he also acknowledges that he could use a break every now and then as well. There's nothing quite as comforting to him as lounging around alongside you- you don't have to be talking or even doing the same thing, as long as you're there together.

Listen, Fyodor does care about you, and he values your health and wants you to be relaxed and uncaring as much as is possible. But if you, his sweet woman, wants to make him a cup of tea, who is he to turn you down?

Poe:

I don't know exactly how to explain Poe here. Just hear me out

He is genuinely so like stressed and anguished about your lack of self-preservation in favour of caring about others. He constantly thinks about it and writes tragic poems about it and shit

Like he's like 'my love......she does not see herself as i do, as a beautiful star....with every act of kindness her light dims ever so slightly...until she's reduced to nothing.........the irony of the good deeds of man..............;-;'

HE'S SO SAD OKAY HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH AND WANTS TO SEE YOU RELAX FOR ONCE

He will go all out in his attempts to make you feel calm and comfortable and happy. Oh he will buy you SO many presents it's disgusting. He will rent out whole restaurants and like even theme parks and shit if that's your thing. He'll stop at no lengths to give you some respite, and it's honestly quite sweet

All that being said, he does love that you're so attentive and caring about Karl. He's definitely watched you play with him and then started blushing super hard because the word 'parents' suddenly crossed his mind and now he's thinking about children and aaaaaa

ABSOLUTELY writes a scenario in which you can relax. Whatever you want- an empty beach, a forest, a liminal space, he'll write it all for you, and gift you the book so you can go there whenever you want :>

He's basically a sugar daddy, except you're in an actual relationship and it's not all about the money. Your boyfriend just happens to be loaded as fuck

At the end of the day, Poe is such a hypocrite because he himself is such a workaholic that he practically lets it consume him, too!

You're both absolute messes. Drink some water and sleep for god's sake. And for the love of all things good take care of each other.

Ranpo:

Bro knows exactly what's up. Sorry, he's got you all figured out fr

That doesn't mean he won't let you baby him though. At first. He'll just let you, along with everyone else, clean up after him and buy him shit

BUT soon, soon he realises that this behaviour is rather detrimental to your health. He sees the circles under your eyes, he notices these things. And he's like '...oh shit'

Ranpo doesn't have any shame or reservations. He straight up confronts you about it. 'Why don't you ever take care of yourself?' And he's not playing around this time

And no matter what your excuse is, he's like 'not good enough. We're going to get ice cream RIGHT NOW and you're going to talk to me about this. Now lead me to the ice cream parlour immediately'

(I may or may not be paraphrasing this particular quote)

The point is that he presents you an avenue to open up about your struggles, stress and psyche. And he really does want to help- the fact that he gets ice cream out of this is just a bonus

From here on out he'll keep an eye out for you. Every time you find yourself getting overworked or burning out he'll make you take a break. This could be a nap or sending you home or a surprise outing- anything to get your mind off work and people.

Ranpo is a stickler for the rules, sure, but he's also lazy as shit. Any time he doesn't feel like working, you're now not allowed to work either. You have to hang out with him or else (he'll be a little sad)

He doesn't necessarily introduce any...permanent solutions to your predicament, but he does have you looking forward to your couples-down time each day, and that's something!

Over time, you do learn to balance yourself and external responsibilities. And he will absolutely be taking credit for it lmao

Jouno:

Jouno is very...self-important, we'll say. Not like, completely selfish or anything, but very much tends to prioritise his own opinions and time and such.

You make him do a complete reassessment and breakdown of all of his thoughts and beliefs he's built up over the course of his lifetime

/j but really, you're unbelievably different from him. You're both willing to put yourself in danger or wear yourselves down, but *you* don't have anatomical medical adjustments that practically make you invincible.

Jouno wants to protect you- and he's not willing to negotiate. He's not letting anyone hurt you, even if on accident. He's especially not willing to let anybody take advantage of your generous nature, which is probably more likely anyway.

He's such a scary dog actually (lol get it?? get it cause he's one of the Hunting Dogs? DO YOU GET IT-) he'll accompany you anywhere if you ask him to.

When he wants to do something for you, he will do it. You're not lifting a finger miss girl

Like he really will take care of you! When he's off work, of course. His job is kind of important, but you best believe you're getting pampered when Jouno is off the clock.

My mans is romantic as FUCK: cooking you nice dinners, reading to you before bed, massages, cuddles- as well as engaging in your interests alongside you of course

He just thinks it's so cute to see you engrossed in something that YOU enjoy, and will encourage your down time

Jouno is gonna make sure that you take care of yourself too, because when he's not around, who better to look after anybody than you? That's the most important thing to him.

taglist~ ♡ @gettinshiggywithit, @fyodorhatr, @flower-of-darkness, @bejeweledgirl, @kokoenjiandco, @pinkiipeachiikeen

[oreharuuu]

éta ritual (6)

Summary: Your apartment's finally cleaned, thanks to Yunho and Mingi. But the stress of university, work, Jieun, and being away from your family took a bit of a toll on you.

Warnings: a lil bit of angst, description of being burnt out, woo and san being a perv, watching without consent

A/N: I lied :) I felt bad ignoring this series so i made a new chapter lol, it's more of a filler with fluff and angst. A lil bit of plot here and there. Anyways, happy reading! P.S. chat me if you'd like to be put in my PERMANENT tag list for every work I've done!

Taglist: @starillusion13

You sighed as you stepped out of the shower, drying your hair as you walked towards the fridge to grab one of the manh drinks Yunho decided to buy for you.

After cleaning everything up, you all decided to order in food since you're all tired. You're surprised when Yunho, who went to kitchen to grab water, stormed in with a clap before smiling. "Let's go grocery shopping!"

"Why, hyung?"

"She has nothing but bottled water, butter, and an opened can of cola inside her fridge," Yunho deadpanned, eyes moving to you as you looked away sheepishly.

"(Name)! How did you even survive?" Mingi asked astonished, which made you glare at him. "Hey! I'm a university student, does it ring a bell that I might have to not spend my money too much?"

Their gaze turned into pity, Mingi dragging you outside of your apartment as you squeaked in surprise. "Hey! What are you—"

"We're gonna buy you food, duh."

"What?! No way, I'm not letting you—"

"Hey," Yunho said as he closed the door, gently grabbing your shoulders. "Think of it as a treat, yeah? Me and Mingi also need a few stuff, maybe we'll buy food and eat."

You continued to glare at the tall man, swatting Mingi as he quietly chuckles at how you have to crane your head to meet his gaze.

"I just feel bad spending your money—"

"Don't worry," Mingi answered. "He's like, rich rich rich, old money basically. So it's not gonna put a dent in his wallet."

"It's about the morality—"

"Oh shush," Yunho cups his hand on your mouth. "Mingi's right. It's my treat, it's rude to decline a helpful offer, no?"

You pursed your lips, crossing your arms before nodding. "Fine, but! I usually have a budget for shopping, so it's still being used."

Yunho shrugged, "Fine by me."

In the end, you did go over budget, no thanks to Mingi and Yunho sneakily adding more items to your cart. Then while paying, Mingi discreetly asked you to help him pick out a new shirt that fits him, making Yunho paid for everything.

You sighed, popping open a new cola before turning on your laptop for background noise. You took a sip, laid down on your bed, and just stared blankly at the wall for you don't know how long.

Work was normal, Mark was also acting normal since you've last met him. University was still shit, Hyein was also busy but she's an angel of course; texting you every now and then with new gossip or just ranting about her project.

San, Mingi and Yunho were all great friends. Mingi and Yunho chatted you everyday to ask for updates or to talk about random things. San, although busy with work, still made time for you to eat dinner together or just binge watch shitty movies.

But with all of that...you still felt alone.

Maybe it's your mind playing tricks, but you felt only emptiness after Mingi and Yunho came by to help you. Going to university only filled the emptiness for a while, you realized that it's only because it took your mind away to actually think about assignments and group projects.

You sighed, glancing at your phone before grabbing it. Scrolling through contact numbers before stopping at one. You grabbed your blanket, quickly covering yourself from head to toe, the sounds from your laptop a bit muffled as you pressed call.

You bit your lips hard enough as the call ring, holding your breath as the person answers after a few seconds of silence.

"Hello? (Name)?"

"Hi, mom."

"Oh, my baby! How are you doing?" Your mom cooed happily at you, realizing that you called her whilst she's washing the dishes.

"It's...fine," You lied. "Just realized I haven't called you in a long time."

"Aww, well I know you're working very hard so I'm fine with you not calling if it means you can graduate with good scores."

You laugh, wiping away some of the tears building up in your eyes as you sighed. "How are you, mom? Anything new there?"

"Same old, same old," She answers. "Your dad met a new friend he could talk about golf, which is making me so happy because I don't understand any if it."

You hum, drawing invisible shapes on your sheets as you continued. "How's Taemin? And Jongin?"

Your mom groaned, making you giggle slightly. "Those boys will be the death of me. They've joined a new dance class since the last class they caused such a ruckus that they got kicked out."

Your eyes widen at the new information. "Wow, what did they do?"

"Let's just say they ruined a teacher's hair with dye because said teacher was being an asshole," Your mother hums.

"Sound about like them," You smiled.

You and your mom talked more, her updating you on the newest gossips around the neighborhood, making you miss your home more than ever. You sniffed a bit too loudly, making your mom pause.

"Honey? Are you crying?"

Seems like those words were your final straw before a loud sob came out of you. "Mom. I'm tired."

"Oh, (name)," Your mom sighed. "Is that why you called? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to worry you. I just miss home and I feel burnt out."

"Because of everything?"

You hum, wiping away the tears on your sheets as you didn't notice the shadow looming over you.

"Aish, it happens to everyone. Why are you worried?"

"I don't know," You answered. "I feel tired. I feel empty and alone when I met some of the most wonderful people here. It's eating me up at how little I think about them, I feel bad because it sounds like I'm being selfish here."

Your mom hums, the sound of water stopping from her end. "You know, you're a bit like your dad."

"Ugh, mom. Don't say that," You groaned, making your mom giggle. She always say that you're like your dad, but there's nothing that made you feel like your dad. From looks, personality, or even attitude.

"I'm not lying. You both are such worry warts about a lot of things. And it's okay to feel like that, honey."

"What do you mean?"

"Gosh, he's gonna hate me for spilling this. But you need to know that your dad really is always worried about you being away from home. Sure, he may only send you stupid pictures of our cat—"

You can't help but snort at her words.

"—but he's alway telling me about how worried he is for your wellbeing. I thought my ears are about to be blown away at how much he talks about you. But he realize that you're a strong girl. His strong daughter."

"Mom!" You wailed loudly. "You're making me cry more!"

"Well, you need to hear this, young lady. It will pass," Your mother chided you. "I know how you're always working so hard for your future, but it's not wrong to put yourself first in certain situations. In this one, maybe you need to spare some time to have some alone time. Or maybe with your friends."

"Don't worry about the problems going on right now, you have loads of time to do that. Right now, you need to calm down, take some time off, and do whatever you want. The feelings you have right now will be gone when you have the right people besides you. Or maybe you like to be alone, just like back then in high school when—"

"Mom!" You whined. "Don't remind me of the dark days."

You can't stand your high school days, although it's not necessarily bad, there's a few things you could list from the top of your head on why senior year of high school was chaotic.

"Well, I can't help it," She laughs. "You were such an emotional human for how—"

"Mom!"

"Alright, alright. Please take care of yourself, honey?"

"I will."

"Are you? Because you usually—"

"Mom, I will do it."

She sighs loudly, a whine in her tone as she teases you. "Look at what you've done to me! Now I'm the worry wart worrying about you, that's supposed to be your dad's job."

"Sure, mom," You rolled your eyes with a smile. "I don't know when I can visit you guys, but I'll tell you when I have time."

"Oh, please come home when you can. Being the only girl here is turning my hair faster to white then before."

You laugh, coughing when feel your throat a bit dry from crying. "I will, I will."

"Say hello to Hyein and Jieun for me, will you?"

You tensed up, hearing something shift inside your room but hummed in acknowledgment and ignored the sound. "Yeah, sure. They're...a bit busy though."

"Sounds like them," Your mom commented. "Anyway, I need to pick up the boys from dance class. They'll be all pouty if I'm late for more than two minutes."

"Okay. Have a safe trip, mom."

"Bye, love you."

"Love you too, mom," You whispered, ending the call with a big sigh as you closed your eyes. The weight inside your heart was lifted, feeling like you could breath fully now after talking with your mom. She's always have been able to do that, while your dad tried a lot of times but it never fully worked. You still appreciated his efforts though.

Sitting up with the blanket still covering you, you blindly grabbed at the tissue box on your table, grabbing it before moving the blanket away when you felt something warm.

"Holy fu—"

"Hi, babe," The demon who licked you smirked, standing besides your bed as you groaned, flopping back to the bed as you looked away from him.

"Go away, I don't need you to lick me again."

"Aww, where's the fun in that?" He whined before spooning you from behind, his nose touching the back of your neck. You felt annoyed when his touch was easily welcomed by you, his presence actually soothes you as you realized how tired you are.

"I never formally introduced myself," The demon smiled against your neck, which made you huff in amusement. "Yeah, no thanks. Don't need to know that information."

"Rude. But if you must know, my name is Wooyoung. You can call me anything you want though."

"Bitch? Loser? Piece of shit?"

"I was hoping for something romantic," He huffs, sitting up as he flicked your forehead, yelping in pain as you pushed him out of your bed.

"No way! I'd rather eat with Jieun than call you pet names," You outright shivered, noting how Wooyoung's eyes seemed to darken at the mere mention of Jieun.

"Speaking of Jieun...were you crying because of her?"

"Huh?"

"Your eyes are swollen and red. Were you crying because of her?"

You rolled your eyes, checking in the mirror to see your eyes swollen, making you huff at how messy you looked. "Yeah, sure. You could say that."

"Don't worry, (name), I'm sure karma will get her back."

"Ugh, I don't even want to know how you know my name," You glared at him, making Wooyoung giggle lightly.

"Let's just say I've been told many things about you through an informant."

"Informant my ass," You mumbled, grabbing through tissues before blowing your nose away, looking away from Wooyoung to save yourself from the embarrassment. He huffs loudly, whining as he slumps to your back as you protest and trying to move away from him. "Yah! What are you doing?"

"You weren't paying attention to me," He pouted, nuzzling his face to your neck making you yell loudly. In a matter of seconds, numerous banging sounds could be heard from your front door.

"(Name)?! Hey, what's wrong?"

"Oh, for fuck sake. Can't this day get any worse," You whine, balling up the tissue before throwing it away, groaning when it missed the trash can.

"Party pooper," Wooyoung grumbles, before pecking your cheek as he moved to stand. "Well, I guess that's it for today! See you later, (name). Oh! And don't forget—"

You hold your breath as Wooyoung leaned closer to you, eyes shutting in reflex as he chuckles lowly. "—We're always with you. We're not gonna let anyone hurt our dearest."

"What do you even mean—"

"Shush!" He playfully covers your mouth, proceeding to kiss his hand like he's kissing you. You slapped the back of his head, making him wince and whine loudly. "Meanie!"

"Go away!"

"Later, babe," He smirks before disappearing instantly, making you breath a sigh of relief.

"Hey! I heard someone inside! You better open the door or so help me I'll—"

"San! Shut up!" You yelled, making your way to the front door before opening it, San already rushing in to check every corner of the apartment. "What is going on with you?"

"I heard you yell, I got worried," He frowns before his eyes widen and quickly dashing to your bedroom, you following silently as he looks around the room with annoyance. He looks like a rabid dog just by looking everywhere around the room, nostrils flaring as he growls under his breath.

"It smells like him."

"Huh? What did you say?"

"I said it—" He paused, eyes squinting at your direction before slowly walking towards you, cornering you against the door.

"What? Is something wrong?"

You screech in surprise when San sniffs your neck like a rabid dog, pinching his ear hard enough to make him yell in pain. "What the fuck, San! Why are you sniffing me?"

"You smell like—Wait, why is your eyes red? It looks swollen! Have you been crying?!" He growls, cupping your face between his hands as you gently brushed his fingers against your eyes.

"It's fine, I just called my mom and my emotions just came out," You whined.

San looks at you with disbelief before he nods, glancing to his left before bringing you into a hug as he basically smothers you with his face like a cat. "I told you if you're having problems, you should come to me!"

"Sannie, I thought you were working. What am I supposed to do?"

He seemingly froze, moving his head as he hugs you tighter. "What did you call me?"

You blushed when you realized the nickname you just gave him, shaking your head rapidly. "Wait! Sorry, I didn't realize—"

"Call me that every time, please?"

"Huh?"

He purrs and moved his head back to your neck, before slowly walking backwards to your bed, lying down with him on top of you. Your jaw dropped drastically when you realize the position was far from friendly, stuttering away as you tried to comprehend what's happening right now.

"Woah, woah! What are you doing?"

"Cuddling," San smiles against your skin, humming happily to himself as you slowly relaxed, albeit your hands are stiff when you placed them against his back. "Uh huh, and why are we cuddling?"

"Because I felt like it."

You rolled your eyes, shifting slightly to a more comfortable position before settling. From the corner of your eyes you saw his eyes open slightly, a blank gaze in his eyes before he sighs loudly. "(Name), you know I care for you, right?"

"Of course, you're always helping me."

"Not just me, Yunho and Mingi are also worried for you."

You frown, subconsciously playing with San's hair as you gaze at the blank white wall of the apartment, not realizing how San seemingly tensed before relaxing with a happy sigh, slowly hugging you tighter. "What do you mean?"

"Is there something you're not telling us about Jieun?"

You stopped breathing for a moment, biting your lips as you tried to think about what to say. You haven't told him the reason for Jieun's bizarre behavior. And when you went to file a police report, you declined San's offer on accompanying you, not wanting to tell him the reason why.

"I don't want to seem pushy or anything," He starts. "I just want to help you, that's all."

"I know, Sannie," You whispered. "I'm sorry for not telling you anything. I just—the reason for all of this happening is so weird and unbelievable that I thought you might think of me as crazy."

"I'll never do that to you," San looks up, a crease forming between his eyebrows, making you smooth them with your fingers. He then proceeds to grab your hand, holding it tightly before kissing it, making you involuntarily gasp. "Please, tell me. I want to help you. I don't want you to deal with your problems alone anymore."

You laugh slightly, nodding as you agreed. After the call with your mom, you felt a little better asking someone for help. Maybe it was a bad idea to hide it and try to solve it yourself.

"Alright, I guess I'll tell you everything from the start." And you told San everything without missing any details, letting him comment here and there when he needed too.

"I saw Jieun here and there in university, but she never really stayed long enough for me to confront her. Maybe it's for the best," You tried to shrug, seeing as San made himself comfortable in your neck. "I don't really feel like acknowledging her presence after what she did.

"True," San sniffs. "But...thank you for telling me all of this."

"I needed a little push from you but I actually feel a lot better."

San smiles up to you, hugging you tighter. "Really?"

"Yeah, thanks a lot, Sannie."

San hums happily, nodding his head before sighing. "Your welcome."

A comfortable silence wrapped you and San, your eyes blinking slowly, trying to stay awake before gasping loudly. "Shit!"

"What? What?!"

"I forgot today's garbage day!" You hissed, standing up before running to the kitchen to grab your trash bag before slipping on some slippers. "Sorry, San! I'm going to be back in a minute!"

"You scared me," San whined loud enough for you to hear, but you only giggle at him before slipping outside, not noticing a figure exiting San's apartment, following you with slow steps before observing you from a distance.

San's smile turned from soft to an annoyed one as he threw a pillow to one of the corner in the rooms, making a yelp rang out throughout the room. "You're such a perv for watching, Woo."

"At least I didn't growl when I smelt someone else's scent in here," Wooyoung grumbled as he shows himself, walking to your closet as he hums to himself.

"And what are you doing?"

"Getting a small gift for myself," He replied. "I missed her so much, you know? Can't believe Jjong and Hwa made me go away and flirt with Jieun," Wooyoung shivered as he huffs in disgust.

"That's what you get for breaking our agreement," San smirks as he teased him. Wooyoung only rolled his eyes. "Like you all weren't foaming at the mouth to meet her alone."

He makes a triumphant sound, holding a pair of white silk panties before clutching them close. "Well, hello there."

"Don't get that one, she likes to wear them," San reminded him as he makes himself comfortable on your bed, rubbing his face and groaning at your smell.

"And you call me a perv," Wooyoung teased back before throwing the panties back, searching again before holding up a black lace panties. "How about this one?"

"It's new. I heard her calling her friend saying how uncomfortable it was after wearing it two times, so take it."

"Hmm, I'll tell Jjong about it. Maybe he'll buy new ones for her."

"Buy a cute pair of lingerie for her too," San added. "I don't think she has one. She'll look really good in any color."

"I'll tell Ssangie," Wooyoung hums happily as he stuffs them into his pockets. "Him and Jongho are annoyed that they couldn't participate as much as we can."

"Patience is key. We'll soon move to our next step of the plan anyways," San smirks as he grabbed one of your hair clips from the night stand. "How's it going with that Mark guy?"

"Not a threat so far from what Hwa said," Wooyoung replied. "Just a bit of a pussy to actually tell her how he feels. So he's not really a priority to us."

"He looks weak anyway," San chuckles at the thought of Mark protecting you from any of them, one snap of a finger from them he's dead in a second anyways.

At the sound of the front door opening, Wooyoung playfully salutes him before disappearing, San not feeling his presence in the room so he must be back to the temporary house they call home.

"Hey," You smile brightly at San, making his heart squeeze at hoe beautiful and radiant you looked. "What did I miss?"

"Oh, nothing that you need to know," He smiles innocently.

[tea-and-secrets]

By the time this ask gets posted, I'll have very likely cut off a toxic friend I'm currently gathering the strength to. We used to get along great, shared interests and similar personalities, but he soured over the years. He refuses to engage with any of my interests or facets of my life and uses me as nothing more than a dumping ground for his vents and personal life stories (we're long-distance). He ignores my existence unless he needs something. He gets jealous if I talk about other friends and makes "jokes" about how "haha you'd never do that, have a friend as good as me. lol I know you wouldn't :)". Its at a point where I feel physically ill if I spend any time offline, away from my phone/laptop or know he's online and I'm not there to keep up with it all. I feel guilty, and he reinforces that feeling. There have been so many big changes and discoveries in my life that he's clueless to because he doesn't care enough to ask or pay attention to me, unless it involves him. Not to mention the fact we briefly dated a while ago but he'd be weirded out if I ever showed affection, cringing at just a petname. All he wanted was the ability to say he was in a relationship. Thanks, dickhead, now I'm scared to express normal affection and love to people. I don't feel joy being around him anymore, just stress to the point of physical symptoms. I'm scared to do it, afraid he'll track me back down or find some way to contact me, but I'm going to. I feel unhealthy just keeping him around. I'm at my happiest and comfiest when he takes a hiatus or is innactive for a while, because I forget him. So...yeah, I'm going to try and make myself happy now. I forget I can do that, sometimes.

.

[missjenca]

#hilariously enough!; I also imagined Satellite having a Local Hand Commmunication!#Love that we over lap on some thoughts here#this has a lot of some of the things I'd rotated in getting Yusei through a panic attack or just days too much like Bad Times#yell at me to post those

As per your tags, consider this me yelling at you to post about this because I genuinely would like to hear it, pLEASE, I live for this kind of thing, lol

Aye aye! Thankie for the reminder, lemme cook that up, big posr style.

So, Yusei is absolutely not walking away from the plot of 5Ds without being a lil bit fucked up. And while Satellite has given him the ability to simply say 'I will put my nose straight through the grindstone and ignore what is happening to me' (for better or for worse), he also has friends that think it important to help him out.

Leo, our wonderful ball of sunshine, can clock immediately when Yusei is in a certain kind of funk that he can handle. He calls it 'Old Paper White' or 'New Paper White' (if Yusei's freaked out enough to go pale). 'Old Paper White' means that Leo can generally goad Yusei into a duel on the work bench, and bemoan his loss in a way to get Yusei to focus on tips and assistance and generally just Big Brothering Leo until he relaxes. 'New Paper' is trickier, because it's probably a deuling related nightmare at the cause. Which means it's time for different games, be it activity books or putting together plastic models together. Leo would definitely enjoy the Duel Monsters Counterpart of Gunpla, and I think Yusei would find the gentle rhythm of 'Snip piece, connect piece' soothing.

Luna's tactics are fairly similar, though with a different approach. She's armed with fidgit toys and puzzles and big long words and her big wide eyes. She'll word tasks very specifically as 'can you help me with this' or 'can you do this for me', and generally weaponises her Baby Sister Status for his benefit. Because it leans on Yusei's 'Can and Will Do Anything For His Friends' part of his will power, she can get him to focus on small tasks like getting to a safe place or solving a rubix cube until he's calmer.

Crow has been spending years knowing the exact balance of 'filling silence' and 'engaging questions' for Yusei to steady himself to. Crow knows all the gossip, what friends are where, interesting mechanical news, all the safe topics. Crow also knows the exact tone of voice to use that signals that nothing is happening, because it's a very different and specific tone of voice to 'we're pretending to be unaware of cops/gangs/attackers' from back when they were younger. He's also totally clued in to what Yusei's different levels on non-verbal answers or non-answers mean, so he can focus on Yusei without focusing *so much* on Yusei that it stresses him out.

Aki's learned the exact levels and kinds of white noise helps Yusei out. Too much or the wrong sounds and he gets over-stimmed or stressed out, too little makes him anxious because actual silence means something bad is about to happen. She also uses a few meditation techniques with him; she may have learned them at Arcadia, but she controls what she knows now. They're both at least a little fond of it; panic attacks or nightmares aren't something that you can fight physically, but this is almost close. Aki's also the one most on top of making sure he takes a painkiller and eats something afterwards, because he always gets a huge headache from being so tense, and he *will* try and just work through it if left to his own devices.

Jack's the only person who can safely goad Yusei into hitting him without Yusei getting *too* wrapped up in being guilty about it. It's very much not a 'Jack deserves to be hurt' thing, but that it's equal measures of that Jack's Always Gonna Do What He Wants and years of Jack-To-Yusei wordless communication between the two of them. He asks for it because he can take it and Yusei can't. It's a Rivals Thing:tm:. It also helps when Crow rolls his eyes and tells Jack off about it like nothing happened. If they can hit a duel, great, but if we're at the bottom option, Jack is of course the one who knows how to be callous to be kind.

[dumplingsjinson]

Okay. So. Um.

YEAH.

IDK. FUCK. WHAT IN THE SHIT JUST HAPPENED? I'm apparently not single anymore.

Let's just get on with it-

First stop: Photobooth. Nothing much happened here. (Gonna post the photo on my Insta story; asked him for his permission and he was like "That's fine.")

Second stop: Shopping centre. This was where things got a little interesting. We visited the Lego store his friend works at. Cat guy introduced me to his friend and him to me, and they started talking... And then his friend mentioned the BLACKPINK concert and how he missed it and that piqued my interest, and we started talking about the concert and everything, and then we go on talking about the TWICE concert as well. We were hitting it off quite well lolol. During all of that, cat guy was standing there like "Hello? Wtf?", all left out and shit (I feel so bad for that, but I was so excited to meet another BLACKPINK fan at the time kwjfewf.) Anyway, at one point, cat guy was like, "Okay, we're leaving. We'll come back soon."

(Spoiler: we don't go back. LMFAO.) We go to get lunch, walk around the shopping centre a bit... Then head straight to the car park. Thing is, the Lego shop was in like... Plain sight. I was waiting for him to take us back there, but he ignored it and we go to his car instead. I brought it up with him (once we were on the road), being all like, "Oh, weren't we supposed to go back for your friend at the Lego store?" and he was all like, "Oh, I forgot about that. We can go back next time".

SOOOOOOOOOO.

Me thinks someone's JEALOUS LKFNENWKF, but I could be wrong. Idk. I'm bad at reading signs. But he did seem a bit miffed when I was talking so animatedly to his friend about the concerts, sooo... Yeah.

We go back to his home.

(BTW, FINALLY MET HIS CAT. Mission accomplished!! And oh my God, she's the CUTEST THING EVER. She's so much smaller than I thought she would be and looked so soft and SFLKNWEKLFN I think I like his cat more than him AHAHAHA. (That's a joke btw, please don't cancel me-))

Stayed in his living room for a bit, then went up to his room to cuddle... And I'm there like, "Oh God. Do I talk to him now? Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I'll chicken out." My heart was beating out of my chest, and I started getting in my head again, and he was asking me if everything was okay because I was moving around a lot (I was stressed tf out lmfao) so I was like "Okay fuck it, we need to talk to him whether we want to or not" so I'm like, "So... There is something I wanna talk about with you."

And... The talk happened. I asked him where his head's at; where he sees this going. I told him I liked how things are progressing, and I wanna see how things continue to go with us. I told him I didn't want to rush things, though, and that I wanted to take it slow (mainly because I didn't want to put pressure on him, since I didn't know if he wanted more when I was asking those questions). And amidst all of that, I... End up confessing to him.

Straight up out here being like "I... Really like you. I don't think I've ever liked anyone this much before." Spilling my guts out and baring my soul to him while hiding my face in his pillow and tacking on an "I'm so fucking embarrassed" at the end of my longwinded gut spilling session, while he was laughing and shit lweknflkewnf.

And God. At one point during the talk, he was like "I thought we were way past this point a long time ago" or some shit like that, and now I'm like... So he had the belief we've been a thing for quite a while I was here stressing the fuck out? Granted, he did update his Hinge profile, which lead us to having this talk a lot sooner than I thought we would in the first place, but at the same time, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt for that one. Maybe he wanted to look for friends, and I'm solely basing that on one of the components of his Hinge profile, which I will not be showing lol. I didn't want to bring that up and look like I'm overanalysing everything, so I'm putting that past me lol. Done stressing about it.

(I paused all of my accounts when we parted and will probably casually tell him about it when we meet up next lol.)

Anyway, after that mfing mess of a confession, we cuddled some more. And then I was like... "Wait, so what are we?" because I'll be honest, I was still confused where we were at and wanted to clarify if we were exclusive (I didn't want to overthink it again and wanted clear answers), and he was straight up like:

"We're officially dating."

SO YEAH. AAHAHHAHAHHA.

Literally went from "I don't wanna rush into things and want to take things slow and see where this goes" to "We're together now, you dense piece of turd" in like less than 10 fucking minutes.

We cuddled even more, I'm telling him how much I like him, and he told me he likes me, too... And then it led into me being all vulnerable and shit (disgusting, right? How dare I-) and basically apologising to him for not messaging him a lot these days. I told him that I get really in my head when I like someone, and I feel like if I message them too much, I'm gonna annoy them. I told him I want to update him on trivial shit. I want to tell him things. But I end up holding myself back because I don't want to be overbearing. I told him I end up overthinking things and that leads me to not sending anything. I told him, "I don't want you thinking I'm uninterested, because I am. I like you a lot. Like fuck, I think about you a bit too much sometimes, you know?"

SO YEAH. JESUS. I think I deserve a medal for this courage lmao.

He ended up reassuring me and was like, "You can message me any time. Tell me about your day. I like when you do that, and I'll message you back when I can." (He reassured me again later on during the date, telling me how I can message him whenever, so that was really sweet of him.) So yeah... I promised him I'd spam him with Instagram reels, and also warned him about how I talk a lot over text, that's how I'm like with my friend, he's got a huge storm coming, and he was like, "And that's fine."

At one point, his sister's corgi (also the cutest thing ever) came into the room and came straight for me HAHA (I asked him if the corgi ever came into his room before and he was like "It's the first time this has happened" so I'm pretty sure it's because my monthly visitor was here and the corgi sensed that, which was why it came to me and didn't seem to want to leave me alone for at least 15-20 minutes. I read somewhere that's what cat and dogs do). It also peed on the floor so uh... Rip his carpet. 💀

Anyway, the corgi finally leaves, we get more cuddles in.

And UH. I guess it got a little steamy here? He was like... Kissing my neck and everything (prior to this, he was kissing my face and stroking my hair and all of the stuff he did during the last date) and AHAHAHA, when he stopped, I was all like "I like it when you kiss my neck" and this man... This man.

He took that as a sign (as he should) and kissed my neck even more, to the point where I thought he'd leave marks on my skin lmfao. Pulled the collar of my shirt back (I wasn't even wearing a turtle neck sweater this time so he was going DEEP lmao) AND AHAHA, when I say I was encouraging this behaviour by making all of these sweet little noises. I was sighing and moaning a little AND HE WAS TURNED ON BY THAT, LET ME TELL YOU THAT MUCH. (If him sporting something down there wasn't a sign-)

I was also holding onto the nape of his neck and everything; running my fingers through his hair; pulling him closer to me and tilting my head back for easier access and just letting whatever noise I wanted to make naturally fall out of my mouth and yeah... That definitely spurred him on. Had him all pressed up against me lmao.

(Fanfics have me LEARNING things.)

Tbh, I was lowkey worried he'd leave a mark there since he was just... Yeah, but he didn't so thank God. (But also, a part of me lowkey kinda wanted him to though ngl WELKFNEWKLNF, even though I'd have to hide it from my parents somehow lmao.

And well yeah, he was just being very affectionate like the last time, and held me so close to him and kept calling me cute (literally would not stop and I'd deny it and he'd be like "no, you're cute") and sweet and soft and saying I smelled good and wionlkwnef AHHHH I'M GONNA SCREAM. We kissed (cute lil pecks, just how I fucking love it) and all o' that.

We're about to leave for dinner, the corgi is circling me again and his dad had to step in and take the corgi before it left the house with me, because it kept following me around lmaooo. Kept sniffing my shoe and was preventing me from putting it on, so I was struggling for a hot minute, while cat guy just watched me struggle lmfao.

After dinner, I'm thinking we'd go back to his place (that was the plan) but his friend called and was like "Please come to the concert, we have a free ticket because our other friend couldn't make it" (that friend had called him about the concert before we went out for dinner and cat guy declined at first lol) so we ended up having to cut the date short so he could go to the concert because his friend really wanted him to go. He dropped me off and I hugged and kissed him before leaving BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE WHO ARE OFFICIALLY DATING DO, RIGHT?? WELKENEKLWFN.

IDK YOU TELL ME, DAMN.

So yeah. When I got on the train, he informed me that his friend's brother took his phone and said brother couldn't find his friend. That friend had his ticket, so he needed to come out to take cat guy into the venue... And he never came out (and apparently never replied to cat guy until after the concert) so that was a bit shitty. Cat guy ended up leaving after standing around outside, waiting for his friend.

So the date was cut short because of this guy, and I was lowkey saurrr disappointed because I though I could spend at least a few more hours with him before going home :((

SO YEAH. WHAT THE FUCK, MATE??

But yeah, basically that's what happened. And while driving me to the station to drop me off, he asked me when I was free next so... We'll be seeing each other pretty soon (in a little bit over a week or so?) so that makes up for it AHAH.

He messaged me and was like "We could've hung out a little bit longer :///" and "This entire thing made me so frustrated on the drive back home" welkfnewknf My poor guy :((((

So uhHHH, your girl is Taken, or some shit like that, idfk. At least I think I am HAHAHAHA, completely skipped the exclusive stage and went straight to "officially dating".

I'll probably stop with the updates lol, unless something significant happens. I'll probably make more prompts, too, but right now I need to sleep lmfao. SAUR TIRED.

(I already miss him and maybe I'll find the courage to tell him that later on, but right now... Nope. Lmfao.)

[my-castles-crumbling]

hiya cas! i hope youre well 😊

so, i have some medical issues (nothing serious!! probably - im still waiting for a proper diagnosis but ive had a few appointments and tests etc and have been assured its nothing to be concerned about) and so i obviously have to go to hospital appointments sometimes for the aforementioned tests and discussions. it was scary at first (i hadnt been in a hospital since the day i was born up until this point, and i was 18 when i had my first of these appointments) but its easier now, but im still a little stressed

im not technically estranged from my family - i still live at home with both parents, and we're on decent enough terms - but we dont really have any sort of important conversations. or any personal conversations either. so i guess we're just not really close? idk. anyway, this has meant i have absolutely no idea what any of my family medical history is. i had to find out through my older sister that my father was diagnosed with diabetes four years ago (and she only found out because she worked at the pharmacy where he got his stuff from), and my eldest brother was the one who told me my grandparents' causes of death (they died before my birth and my parents never mention them), but they dont know any more than that either

this hasnt been an issue for me before, because obviously ive never needed to know. ive never been asked about it, but now that my own health isnt right, i kinda need to know. in my first appointment i got asked about it, but i told the doctor i didnt know and would ask at home

i did ask, to be fair. i spoke to my mother and explained why i needed to know but she just kind of... brushed it off? idk if thats the right way to phrase it. she said there was some vague thing about heart issues but she didnt say anything specifically, or which side of the family it came from, or anything all thay helpful at all

its so frustrating because im not the first of their kids to need this information. my sister has medical problems too (different issues than mine though) and our parents were no help with her either

i spoke to a friend about it last autumn when i first went to hospital and he looked at me so oddly, it made me feel so broken, i guess. apparently discussing medical history isnt a taboo subject in most households, because he knew all of his and he's never been to hospital for anything. but the way he looked at me like i was weird or something for not knowing was awful. again, it made me feel genuinely broken and damaged. it was kind of one of those moments where you realise 'oh, my family isnt normal' and it sucked, because i thought id had that realisation years ago

its happened with some other stuff too (i.e. telling parents about a relationship, friends, interests, spending time with family etc) and it just... it really sucks. i dont know what else there is to say than that ig lol

i was going somewhere with this ask, but ive kinda gotten off track and now i cant remember, soooo.... have a good day! thanks for reading my ramble 🥰

Hi hon!

I’m so sorry, whose moments of realization suck, truly. Please know that you did nothing wrong <3 

Because this is a health thing, I do have some advice for you (ignore me if you want!) There are forms on the internet that have questions about family history. Print one out and just give it to your mom and dad. Don’t give them room to question it. Say your doctor needs it, and you need them to fill it out.

I wonder, though, if your parents don’t share their history with you, they might not know their parents history. A lot of times, these kinds of things that happen in families are passed down. 

But yeah. Just give them a form and make it a health thing. You deserve that info. 

Again, please know that you are NOT broken, and it has nothing to do with you <3

(naming you medical anon)

[daddyygh0stface]

hii, ignoring all the hot and wicked thoughts that come into my mind every time I write here, I just want to say that I hope this past month has been better than the last ones, I hope that you are well, that you are taking care of yourself and i can bet that you're doing great💘

—☕

I've been extremely stressed the last month or so and it's probably only gonna get worse as the month progresses and we're going to the next month and the month after that because I've been looking for a place and I just simply cannot find one. The main issue is around where I live. People don't accept pets and I have two small dogs and they don't like that and I understand that but nothing will reply back to me and it's just coming to the point where I have to be out in July unless I can convince them to extend my time here just for a little bit so I can find a place. I am in panic mode but also not really till I contact the people about my currently living here. So I ramble lol

[stabbyfoxandrew]

for you wip Wednesday posts, do you just post as you write? like are the parts all continuous or is there parts between that you don’t post? (sorry if this is dumb, I’m just curious how you do yours:))

okay so (get ready for a long winded explanation of how my writing works sorry in advance)

for wipw, i have sort of a basic outline for plot points and stuff. i know roughly how each of the stories go and how they end. that being said, i have two docs (or more) per au. one with the outline and the other is the draft i'm posting for you guys. like here's the actual docs in my bookmarks (ignore my joke titles okay)

(ID: a screenshot of my Firefox, with a folder of bookmarks showing.)

cutting here because sweet lord this got long

as you can see i've got all my wipw docs in a bookmark folder so i can find them easily. DIH, BB, OG, 🦊, and 🦊WIPW are all writing folders. DIH is a long fic for another fandom. BB stands for 'big bang' and is for all my 'cosmic lost and found' stuff. OG is my ocs stuff :). Fox is anything aftg-related that isn't for wipw. and finally wipw is... wipw.

ALSO 'strips and tags' is the doc where i keep my little 'headings' for wipw posts as well as the tags so i don't have to type that shit everytime! (ex: 'WIP Wednesday (10/25) | Guardian Angel Neil (Part --)'

anyway! i write on them and cut them into chunks for wipw. the size of the 'chunk' each ask gets depends on how well the story flows and if it's a good stopping point. so sometimes it's just a couple paragraphs and sometimes it's almost a full fucking page because i couldn't decide where to chop it?

also usually i like to work a bit ahead so i'm not starting with nothing the next week. so when i don't and i get a lot for a certain au it stresses me out bc i don't know where we're going and i have to come up with it on the fly so i can answer asks??

this is also why i write in order and i could never write bits and pieces here and there all over the timeline like Ash does. it would Stress Me Out sooo bad lol

to answer the actual question: yeah.

for the most part, it's mostly how the final draft will be. but in the final i'll probably flesh out certain bits to make it make sense. like we just Jump into the scene a lot in wipw posts and it makes sense for wipw posts. but it wouldn't in an actual longfic on ao3? you know?

also in angel neil, some of the events are out of order. i never expected people to care about it so much so originally it was gonna be a lotttt shorter so andrew talks to betsy about it right away. i think in the Finished Fic (whenever that will be) he won't mention neil to betsy for a while?? but idk for sure we still have a long ass way to go.

thanks for asking this i'm sorry if you didn't want to read my life story but i don't have anyone to talk about writing with really and also i'm insane and can't just say yes/no i have to EXPLAIN

[crystal-crax]

A RANT:

In defense of rise changing their design and personalities

Inspired by viviwithav's video on Youtube ♥️

What's a quick way to make sure your version of a franchise gets hate? Change something

Jk, but let's be real, a lot of people didn't even give rise a chance because it wasn't loyal to what a lot of people are used to.

Leo is not the leader, Raph is not a yelling angry guy, Don is not a nerd and mikey isn't the dumb dorky dude anymore. And they're different turtles!? How dare they!

Well nobody asked so i'm here to defend everything because i'm bored!

Why am i insisting? They're literally still what we know them to be

1- Leo's still the leader

I have a full on rant about it already but yeah, trust me, Leo is still leader material, you just have to trust him and let it cook a bit. We're able to join him on his journey to overcome his self-doubt and accept that he can't do everything on his own and trust those he loves around him.

2- Trust me, Raph is still angry

But this version of him focuses more on giving him a healthy oultlet. One of my biggest pet peeve's with most of Raph's versions, is that they portray his anger as something that he needs to learn to hide and contain or else he will never be nothing more than a problem to team (I'M GENERALIZING A LOT, I DON'T ACTUALLY THINK THIS ABOUT RAPH, I LOVE HIM IN EVERY UNIVERSE).

I think there are a lot of ways to express and portray anger. I've struggled with stress induced-anger my whole life and i think rise Raph is a good example on how your anxieties and worry can make you show a bad side of yourself sometimes. Honestly, i think a lot of Raph's versions have this same problem: he cares for his family so much and is constantly afraid something bad will happen to them, he constantly compares himself to the team and is afraid they don't respect him. He desperately wants his brothers to take their training seriously so they can be ready when danger strikes. EVERY RAPH HAS THESE ISSUES (kind of?) but rise is more vocal about it.

This Raph has channeled his stress and anger towards his position as the leader. He doesn't fight with leo because he wants to be the leader, he fights with leo because he wants to make him understand how much he needs his family to be safe, he's the leader because needs to make sure his brothers are safe. He still yells because he wants his brothers to take training seriously, he just is more of a softie about it because he has learned to take out his anger issues towards the bag guys that threaten his family.

3- Don is still a nerd

Trust me, he's still dorky, the only problem is that this version of him is not willing to be stepped over and ignored. He's brilliant and he knows it, he just wants his family to recognize his talent, to understand him and tell him how much they value him.

This is something we've seen with 2012 donnie before too, they're sarcastic and snap back when someone disrespects him. They're brilliant and won't let anyone make them feel like less

4-Mikey was never "the dumb one"

I mean- sure! He gets babyfied a lot and is the one to receive the cowabunga surferboy attitude but he's always been so much more! Not because you act less seriously does that mean you don't take it as such. You can be the life of the party and wreck bullie's shit! Have y'all not seen the last ronin? lol he is talented and as great a ninja as his brothers

5- and lastly, the new designs

.....Y'ALL 4 REAL?! THEY'RE SO COOL I MEAN

Sure the turtles might have started with their signature likeness but they've changed so much already.

They started as black and white caricatures, four identical brothers with red bandannas, then got color coded and have even been tweaked here and there across the years! Time changes and art evolves, of course the turtles will eventually change in a way that represents more properly their personalities and 2012, rise and mutant mayhem have done such a great job at it

Do you look the same as when you were born? What about when you were a kid? No! Let art grow with us, let stories be changed to represent their own world

Besides, let's be real, the being different turtles thing it's so cool that i'm surprised it wasn't thought about before. It's also perfect match to their personalities!

Wanna make a character stand out and show his cool persona off? WHAT'S BETTER THAN A RED EARED SLIDER KING, leo's red marks go so amazingly well with his blue color??? Besides as said here:

Red-eared sliders are one of the most popular of all aquatic turtle species. They tend to be friendlier and more sociable than some of their relatives, they're pretty active, and they're widely available.

Leo completely meets the expectations of hi species personality

Why is donnie a soft shell turtle? WHO CARES, HE BUILD HIMSELF AN AUTOMATIZED SHELL OMG HE'S SO SMART? Jk/ but i do find it oddly fitting his species are known for being aggresive due to their sensitivity

Need to properly represent a soft but intimidating character? A snapping turtle it's amazing for Raph! Due to popular belief; besides their fiery personality, snapping turtles are known to be timid. But oh boy, they're completely defensive and can definately attack when threatened, much like our big boy's personality

Why is mikey a box turtle? Well, how to better represent his youthful friendly attitude than with a species that's literally known to be bold, adventurous and friendly! Also, it only gets better when you consider their outgoing personality is cutely tied to their response to danger (cue their ability to hide completely inside their shell) which kind of reminds us that in this version, mikey is canonically the youngest.

I have so much tmnt rants, someone help, my head is spinning-

[koinotame]

\o/

hi! it's me, nana / koinotame!

if you're wondering why i went inactive and then deleted, my mental health kind of (really) tanked... and i ended up deleting my blog in a fit.

it's getting better bit by bit though! and i've been wanting to get back into writing (and talking abt my unhinged/yan ideas i can't really talk to anyone else abt), so. here i am! for now, at least

as for my previously posted writing, there's some good news and some bad news: the bad news is that everything i wrote directly into tumblr (99% of snippets, a lot of ask answers, most exact content warnings, etc) is gone. the slightly less bad news is that iirc there were very very few posts of mine that weren't reblogged by anyone at all, so they're probably still out there? feel free to send them my way if you find any and i'll rb them. @/midnight-remembrance also has reblogged a couple of them! there's a couple snippets i have saved in some places, so i might repost those on my own as i find them, but there's very few of those. the good news is that anything longer (proper writing — oneshots, hcs, yan alphabet responses and so on, prompt responses, etc) is safely backed up where i originally wrote it! some of it is also on my ao3, which is the same username. feel free to send me asks about any you'd like to see again and i'll repost them! i might not post them if i feel too embarrassed about/wish i hadn't posted them, and i might rewrite/heavily edit some of them, but i think there's only a handful that fall into the former category and none of them were particularly popular. either way, no harm in asking!

as for some other updates: i'm a little divided on whether i want to keep posting explicit nsfw or not so we'll see. i might just keep it out of main tags. idk yet. regardless of what decision i make, this blog is still strictly 18+ and that will not be changing. since we can reply from sideblogs now, this is a sideblog and not my main now. why? sometimes i prefer to check up on a blog frequently instead of following them for a couple of reasons, but this felt very awkward when they were following me. so this being a sideblog relieves a bit of that stress. if this makes it sound like i have severe brain worms, it's because i do. to that effect though, if we interact every so often feel free to consider us mutuals regardless of whether or not i'm actually following you =w=b tbh i.............. am not really into genshin anymore. i might post about it here and there but i just Do Not (really) Care about it anymore. scara aside to some degree i also have no clue what's going on post inazuma lol whatever projects or commitments to writing or etc i had made beforehand. i forgot all of them so just pretend that never happened ok? ok i'll also probably be posting more sparsely, but we'll see! and (this is obviously the most important bit) i have no clue where i put the mika edit so we're back to my og classic pfp. the header scales terribly and is temporary, please ignore that too

all that aside, as a treat for anyone who sees this in time,

*roughly 6/22 done, but fairly quick to write. roughly one paragraph per character (sneak peek line: "it's not too hard to be discreet with his unique magic when someone really deserves to fall face down a flight of stairs. or three. oopsie. odd they don't remember it, huh? well, he had nothing to do with that.") **more realistic isn't quite the right word(s)... probably won't post this one to the main tags regardless. won't be doing all of the characters (only important/relevant ones) and won't be writing more about/expanding on, so this one is just like. a one off experiment sort of thing. overall less violent than most takes on the au + leans a bit (or lot, depending on how you look at it) more on the religious aspect of self aware aus. i wrote a couple paragraphs a while ago, then rewrote them, but i'll only finish/post them if there's interest for it (sneak peek line: "aether has deluded himself and cast You aside entirely on his own—and when You finally grace them with Your real presence, zhongli is certain aether will be the first to fall from Your grace.")

i have one other new thing immediately ready for posting that'll get posted in a couple of days but that one's pretty silly

[oleander-nin]

Sorry this ones really long (hohoho you are going to regret giving me permission to ask you things /lh)

Also YES PLEASE Comet's a cool name so I'll gladly take it :D

NOO I CAN'T FORMAT THINGS IN YELLOW </3 Also. What do you mean you hate green. You love some of the greenest mfs on the planet /t

(jk I actually also don't like green lmao)

ALSO "I'm not a fan of inaccuracies, especially when it's something I can fix by spending a couple hours reading articles and watching videos." A COUPLE HOURS? ON PURPOSE?? Wait maybe I can't judge you I feel like I've done that too. (And I'm going to try just listening to the audio like you said!) But may I ask what you could possibly be researching for that long? /genq

AGH I always forget that I don't have to stick to the plan. Sometimes I wanna do something new I thought of but my brain just. Doesn't think it can. And I have to remember that the outline is a vague guideline and not exact parameters lmao

THIRTY NINE WIPS- THIRTY NINE PLUS THE REQUESTS?? OLLIE NO WONDER YOU'RE STRESSED. I think you should definitely just. take it easy. You're not obligated to do anything, y'know? Of course you're burnt out and tired I think anyone would be.

Get in the car we're going to therapy, and then the spa. You are going to chill. This is a threat /j

OF COURSE WE WANNA KNOW ABOUT YOU <3 I might've said this in an older ask before I was Comet, or at least something along these lines I'm sure, but we care about YOU Ollie.

I might be calling you out again, sorry, and I won't do it again if you don't like me doing this but. I think you're under the impression that people only care about what you can give to us. It would explain why you always apologize for taking a while to write (even though you literally never have to /gen). It would explain why you don't talk about yourself a lot or even reblog a lot of things.

(This might sound rude but I PROMISE you I don't intend for it to, I just don't know how else to word it) It would explain why even now when I'm asking questions because I'm curious about you, you phrase your answers as if they're advice. I don't even write actually, I just draw and take daydreaming very seriously lol. So it's not that I won't use the advice actually, what you said was helpful for both of those! I just found it interesting that even when I said I was curious about you, you were under the impression I wanted something from you. Though looking at it now, I might've given the impression I wanted advice? So maybe it's my doing and then in that case ignore this whole paragraph

You're more than what you can do for others, okay? Didn't mean to get super emotional and serious here, but WOW you really are like me.

Wow that was messy, sorry. I have a horrible headache, my eyes burn, but I wanted to respond before I went to bed lmao

- ☄️

It's all good! Long asks just usually mean long answers lol. Sorry for taking so long to answer this, I've been showing it off to all my friends-

Things I spend a long time researching are usually medical things, fighting techniques, stress reactions, and when I was researching vampires for like three hours straight lmao. In my opinion, my time is the least I can give to have at least a small bit of accuracy in a fic.

yeah the guidelines can be hard to break from. Sometimes I find myself having grief over changing smth, then I just remind myself it's better this way until I believe it lol.

And yeah, I know it's a lot of wips/requests. It's kinda why I've taken so long to get back into my usual groove. big things intimidate me, and I did the math, and it'll take me like half a year to get them all done, which kinda sucks. And I did take a break! a like, five months kinda useless one that I regret because if I didn't take it, I could've been done by now.

cries, thank you. I appreciate knowing y'all care.

You're good, I don't mind being called out, and nothing came off as rude. It's actually kinda good because I don't usually get the opportunity to see how I come off as. also you were spot on lmao. down to every letter. tho part of the reason I don't talk much is I'm kinda scared too? and I hate cluttering up everything. I wanna make it easy for y'all to scroll through and actually find what you want.

idek what to say to this next paragraph/dra/pos. Uh. You're right. I kinda always figure everyone just wants help/advice, so I gave it. Looking back at your last ask, i can now see you weren't. I just, I don't know. My bad, I'm sorry/gen

I hope you had a good rest, and pls eat and drink. You're super cool and I appreciate you a lot. don't ever force yourself to respond if you feel bad, okay?

[elliekillsu]

hi! so im 14, and so is my gf (im trans male, shes a trans girl). i have literally searched like a million things for trans girl experiences and ur blog came up so i was wondering how do i make her feel better abt herself? because recently she posted about not feeling femme enough and stuff and she keepssending rlly sad messages then being like "oh i was js dysphoric ignore me" or wtv.

i want to make her happy but idk how bc ive never liked being a girl (obv) so idk what to say to make her feel more like the girl she is. she is post social transition, only my parents, her parents, and our best friend know, so she isnt able to go oout in things w/o feeling insecure and stuff

i let her wear some of my old clothes (dresses and skirts and crop tops and stuff) but idk how much its rlly doing for her

sry if this was long u dont have to answer lol

have a good day/night! <33

Hii! I'm always happy to help someone out, I wanna start with like the 'bad news' just to get it out of the way, you've both found out you're trans around the same time I did which is great I'm proud of you both, but that being said you're both young, I know it's said a lot and it sucks to hear but you have so much time left, I found out about my own identity pre covid and didn't start presenting until end of 2022, and didn't fully socially transition with my family until last year, my point being it is a long stressful journey and it may take time and it will be hard but it's absolutely nothing compared to how long you'll live as yourself. Now I don't know any way to make her feel less dysphoric overall, its something we're stuck with but the obvious can help, routine shaving even just facially really works well, but I would definitely say maybe try do her makeup for her, teach her how or even just buy/give her some stuff to use if she hasn't been trying that already, even a few moments for the first time can help so much. If you can afford it trying out thrift stores or charity shops to find a low cost variety of clothing for her to keep away for herself.

There's no necessarily perfect way to fix dysphoria forever, god knows I still suffer but here i sit titless, unshaven and built and I'm still the happiest I've been in years, it does get better, you hear it over and over it loses its meaning but it will get better I can promise you both that, if I could see myself now when I was your age I would be so fucking happy and I still cant believe any of this is happening, I can promise she'll have the best days of her life but also the worst, its a long journey she's just begun, she isn't alone as long as you're there, along with me and every other one of our siblings. We are all one and we love you <3

I hope this has helped even a little

[purplerose244]

Watched the sixth episode of LEGO DreamZzz: LOVED IT!

So... LEGO released some drawing tutorials with Mateo and I just... they're so pure I wanna hug him 😭😭😭 They're super adorable, I love especially Z-Blob's since he spends the entire time talking about how great his slime buddy is and MOOD MAT MOOD 💚💚💚

We're beyond halfway, I'm kinda sad but I'll wait until the end, maybe we got luck for a season 2?

Here we go!

THE ANOMALY

NOTHING BETTER HAPPEN TO Z-BLOB DO NOT HARM THE BLOB 😡

Pff, what was the chicken story? 🤣

Zoey is still a bit distant, I can't tell if she wants to join in or she likes these people enough to just hang around. I mean, she wasn't there last episode...

Did Logan drop the "Mattie" nick? It felt very derogatory so him switching to Teo feels like a step forward

IS THIS A COOPER EPISODE?? OH YES PLEASE GIVE ME THE DEPTH! ❤️

I knew it, he is stressed! Poor boy got stuff to do and can't even have breakfast, Coop please take care of yourself and have some proteins first thing in the morning 😢

You'll have all the time you want to have breakdowns once you reach high school

It seems like Cooper is the reliable one, Mateo and Logan are constantly over him asking for stuff. I wonder if they also affected his stress as well...

Okay Logan is still mean 😅 He's better, but still mean, and he changed teams permanently? I don't know if this is a "we're not an actual team, only in the Dream World" or a "we'll always be a dream, even if we're not in the real world"... mm

Finally we see the Night Bureau! We saw it only once before... while Teo was almost turning into a night terror... ah such good untraumatic memories 🙂

Ah, so Z is an anomaly? Come to think of it, did he come across because of Lunia's hourglass? Was there another reason?

These objects are histerical 😂😂

CHICKEN MATEO NOOO 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Okay, I'm liking this consistent trend of having Zoey being the most useful character despite being on her own, she just waltzed in solving that riddle lol

Agent... Strick? Oh-oh

DO NOT EVEN TRY TO TAKE AWAY MY SLIME BABY Z-BLOB 😡😡😡

Oooohhhh, so this is confirmed to be Brooklyn? Cool, I didn't know it was an actual place! Again I'm too used to imaginary places like Ninjago or Chima 😂

This gal is intense, dude you locked Oz in a room, isn't that a bit much? Should we call the policr?

Zoey is just there for the drama, girl are you with us or not? 😂😂

Did... did that detect thing turn red when it was on Mateo? Was it only because Z-Blob was behind? Huh... huh

SHE FLIPPING TURNED INTO A BABY/WOMAN WHAT IS HAPPENING

Z-Blob floating has to be the cutest thing even, like, look at that little guy go! To infinity and beyond 💚

NO WAIT NOT BEYOND THE WINDOW

I see how it's going 😅😅

I'm so sorry I understimated Cooper, look at him! He's just a kid and he really wants to be up to expectations, and now we got a brother that sets the example? Dude I'm eating this, I'm a sucker for angst, LOOK AT THIS BOY HE NEEDS A BREAK 😭😭😭

Z-BLOB SHENANIGANS Z-BLOB SHENANIGANS Z-BLOB SHENANIGANS Z-BLOB SHENANIGANS 💚💚💚

You did not make a hotdog out of slime

YOU DID NOT MAKE A Z-BLOB BALOON WHAT IS THIS SLIME DOING???

Is he afraid of being captured? I've never seen him going this awol before, he's always besides Mateo no matter what! Is he only scared or is there a reason?

Dude Cooper was so stressed he forgot breakfast!!! EAT BABY EAT!!!

Okay baby Strick is kinda hilarious... and Oz is on the ceiling... and there is still junk everywhere... and where is Albert? WHAT IS HAPPENING PEOPLE?!

Cooper you left for half a day, and now everything is on fire 😅

LOOK AT HIM IGNORING HIS BROTHER TO CHECK ON HIS FRIEND 🥹🥹🥹

I👏LOVE👏TEO👏AS👏A👏NICK👏

Cooper skyrocketed on my appreciation list in this episode, his backstory got so much potential for analysis! He's such a good friend, he's just very stressed out but he's super capable!!! ❤️

MATEO IDEA TIME 💚💚💚

Was that the superman line? 🤣

Aaaand, we're back! Are we fixing everything now that Coop is here?

Oh wow we actually are! I adore mechanics, I was all over them in Ninjago (Jay and Nya and Zane and Pixal and Ronin and Cyrus... there are so many in Ninjago 🥰), so this is so cool to see!

Agent Strick approves Cooper! YAS!

Oohh, so Zoey was maybe interested in joining, but never could before? Is this why she was a bit snarky in this episode, maybe she wanted to join but could never physically? That's kinda adorable 😂😂

PARTY TIME EVERYONE💃💃💃

COOPER GOT A SMALL HAIRCUT CHANGE I'M SO PROUD OF YOU! ❤️

Alright this was another really REALLY good episode, but... now I'm stuck with the crazy theory that Mateo is the anomaly 🤣

I'm sure I'm wrong and I'm just blowing this out of proportion, but what if Strict examined that plant and found traces of Z AND Mateo? What if Lunia's hourglass was found by him for a reason?

She said that the anomaly appeared "the other night" so it was clearly Z Blob... but technically the other night was when the show started for me, so I might see this as Mateo appearing in this world for the first time. Could it be he fit in in one night, everyone's memories were changed to accept that, and no one questions this?

... I know this just me headcanoning left and right and it's clearly not gonna happen

... I'M STILL GONNA WRITE FICS ABOUT THIS OKAY 🤩🤩🤩 THIS EPISODE WAS SO GOOD I'M SO INSPIRED!!!!

[finniestoncrane]

Five Things You Will Find In My Fic

thanks @acapelladitty for the existential crisis i had trying to think of five things other than words and punctuation that are in my fic 💚

am i about to be nice to myself, let's try!

smut. so much smut. i love writing porn. sometimes it's a bit difficult to do it over and over and over again lmao but it's always nice to know that people want more of that from me, and i think i'm alright at describing the sexy bits

headcanons. even if i'm not writing like a headcanon post, i like to make the characters... mine? something that stands out from other writers because we're all writing the same thing really! adding my own little personality traits helps me feel like i'm doing something unique or worthy. and then nothing is nicer than seeing other people adopt those headcanons

silliness. i dunno fellas, i am just a silly little guy. i like being funny, although that is debatable mos tof the time lol, and i like being FUN. i don't mind writing angst, or pining, or stressful things, or dark things. but i like most of all writing silly, often OOC cutesie things or silly stuff like riddler body swaps SO MUCH

desk sex/daddy kinks. look. look at me. i want to get railed over a desk by a man twice my age. i won't be apologising for it. and i will KEEP WRITING IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN. and no one can stop me. i mean i put a lot of kinks in my stuff, and i'll write about most kinks, but these two... these two i will shoehorn into anything

the same words. i like the way some words sound. i know that's bad, i know that makes my writing repetitive, but it's not something i ignore. i am VERY aware of it. and i use a thesaurus sometimes. but i fixate on certain words and they just make sense to me, so i use them repeatedly. maybe they'll be my signature lol

i am tagging anyone who sees this, because i think it's an excellent exercise to make you be kind about yourself and look at what you write!!

[imaginarydragonling]

💞 🕯️ 🧿

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

I'm not sure how to call it, but the "history of the characters" or the "character backstory" I guess? It's sort of the reasons and motivations for a character to do certain things or to behave and be a certain way.

It's not something I actively prioritize to do. I just find myself constantly questioning why a character is Like That or trying to answer what a character would do or say next. I think it's just that I like things to Make Sense 😅 and if things Don't Make Sense, I can't move on or put it down on paper. This has the happy effect of many wonderful hours of worldbuilding and imagining backstories in my head, and hopefully a good portrayal of In Character characterization, but it does mean that I find it extremely difficult to write Porn-Without-Plot and crack type fics 😅

🕯️-> 🔥was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

A few, but I am going to point to Watch Me Catch the Sky for this ask /)_(\ This is an unfinished (if we're going to be honest here) YOI Fantasy AU fic with dragons and magic and prophecies. I wrote it for a Big Bang (my first big bang in any fandom) and while I am proud that I finished it to where it was, this is maybe the fic I've agonized over and rewritten the most.

To be fair, I think a lot of my feelings about this fic are coloured by my experience with the event community, which was...not great. The YOI fandom was a whole other level of drama tbf, but just how much reality fell short of my expectations was quite the learning experience and really made me think about my writing process and what what works for me personally.

Also, in reference to my answer about my writing style in your previous ask, I was constantly worried that my prose was not flowery enough for high fantasy so that didn't help in terms of stress 🙃

🧿what steps do you take to not take things personally if a fic doesn't do well, or if your writing/posting/sharing experience isn't going how you'd like it to?

Hmm. I respond quite differently to the writing experience not going how I'd like it vs the posting/sharing experience not going how I'd like it.

For the latter, in the best way possible, I'm pretty used to being ignored so not getting enough attention isn't too big of an issue for me?😅 But, some things I've done to mitigate the disappointment of a fic not being received as well as I would like after posting are:

So having fewer hits/kudos/comments on a fic on Ao3 isn't too much of an issue for me anymore (tumblr has trained me well, you're the only one who really interacts with me on this hellsite lol) BSome things I've done to mitigate the disappointment of a fic not doing as well as I hoped after posting are:

Write for the sake of writing, not for the reception. I do gain enjoyment from simply writing like I appreciate the mental break from work/real life; I like the sense of accomplishment I have when I manage to create something and bring it into existence; I like the effort it takes to order my thoughts in order to put them down into words (it makes me feel sane and makes things Make Sense eheheh).

I get feedback while writing and cheerreaders to spur me on! This means that the itch/need to be Validated TM is already partially/mostly scratched, so when I do post, the need is lessened.

Ultimately, I recognize and acknowledge that how other people receive my work is something out of my control. So I try not to overanalyze the stats on my posted fics (I do enough of that for a living and also having zero interaction on a post is nothing new. Tumblr has trained me well lol).

However, when the writing experience doesn't go how I like it, I tend to:

Cry

Scream

Beg my fic to write itself

Complain to friends

Do something mindless like wash the dishes so that I can think through whatever is blocking me from writing

Change up my writing process like write on paper

Just copy over a WIP into a new doc (it just gets me typing and editing and is surprisingly effective in kickstarting a writing session)

Accept that my draft is going to be shit but who cares it's a draft

Make a blood offering to the writing gods

Disclaimer: Some of the things I listed above are jokes and I don't actually do but you can decide for yourself which ones :)

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