#nothing whatsoever has happened
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#shut up spencer#today is just#not a good day#mental illness makes literally just fucking existing a constant exhausting fight#nothing whatsoever has happened#but i cant stop thinking about badly i just dont want to fucking be here#and i want to relapse so fucking bad#im like 3 months clean from self harm#and i am so ready to throw that away for no reason#just my own fucking brain reminding me constantly that im worthless and deserve it#i genuinely want to just fucking die
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Eddie really said "I guess the dead wife I never really connected with while she was alive was the love of my life and I never realized it. I guess I'll just never move on from my dead wife. Never gonna dance again the way I did with my dead wife, who I never danced with in the first place." That man's closet is constructed from 100% grade A dead wife. Is there a rainbow flag inside that closet? An aro flag? I don't know, and neither does Eddie
#I believe that ryan believes that eddie is heterowifesexual#but nothing will convince me now that eddie is not using shannon to justify things about himself he wants to leave unexamined#this has nothing whatsoever to do with shipping#maybe eddie IS aro#I would buy it#whatever he is he would rather stare into an eclipse than look in the mirror#and he just happened to run into an eclipse while shopping one day#so here we are#911 abc#911 spoilers
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*takes a deep breath and leans in so close that my lips touch the microphone*
the tragedy of dick and jason’s relationship as brothers is not that they hated each other and then jason died, or that they were super close and then jason died. the tragedy is that dick did not know enough about jason to know how to mourn him. were they brothers? were they rivals? dick sure doesn’t know, and jason doesn’t either! but it’s fine bc they have plenty of time to figure that shit out, they don’t need to know each other right now bc there will be time to know each other later.
except.
#sorry saw a long post about this and had Thoughts#dick doesn’t know jason!!! he doesn’t really try to know jason!#and jason doesn’t so much give a fuck about knowing dick!#but then jason is *gone* and they will never get the chance to be brothers/rivals/friends#and the only way dick has left to know him is to mourn him#but bruce guards that like he guards nothing else in his entire guarded life#dick can see the memorial and dick can know bruce failed#but dick does not get to mourn jason bc only *bruce* has that burden/comfort/responsibility#and so dick has nothing. no happy memories to comfort himself w no bad memories to make it easier that jay is gone#and *that’s* the fucking tragedy. dick does not get to keep any part of jason whatsoever#and so he makes sure to bond w tim and w damian#bc he knows not to count on a future that may never happen#he knows that the potential of a relationship is not worth a fraction of an actual one (good or bad)#jason doesn’t care enough about dick to include him in his plans for revenge#it’s not hatred or love or jealousy or even *friendship*#the tragedy of dick and jason’s relationship is that they never really have one#and no matter if jason comes back from the dead if dick makes up for it w tim and dami#they’re never going to get that time back
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You know, the Zelda fandom is the only fandom I know that will get extra official content and find something to complain about it. Dearies, if it's in an official book, it's canon. LEARN TO APPRECIATE IT. I can't fathom why you all always want to find the negative in the series so bad. Do you even love or care about Zelda?! "It's not in the game 😩" yeah but it's in a book BY THE CREATORS. What more could you possibly want?!
You have the ability to draw and write fanfics. Do it. That's what extra content is there for. For you to take from it and enjoy it. To fantasize off of it
#the legend of zelda#i cant stand the majority of the fandom for a damn second. what happened to you all?#botw came out and everyone started acting so entitled. just ENJOY THE GAME SERIES GOD DAMN IT#okay rant done. i needed it off my chest#oh zelda fandom. oh zelda fandom#scamperin shroom spouts nonsense#this is like the equivalent of people complaining that the content of the book of bill wasn't in gravity falls. its so fucking frustrating#no one in the zelda fandom has any reading comprehension whatsoever which is shocking when the games all have text in it!#im sorry to any fandom that has to hear zelda fans complain. we have NOTHING to complain about 💀#with the book of bill i mean people having a riot of alex not putting Bill's backstory in the show when we understand why it wasn't#you can only fit so much into a game#im glad the zelda team even cared to show us more of rauru and sonia in a concept book
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unpopular opinion i do not consider real life part of the actual series and i never will and when the new series comes and people draw cleo as part of the winners i will be gritting my teeth the entire time. cleo deserves to win in a better series than a one off virtual reality one RAHHHH
#its so stupid i hate it grgrggrrrr#yeah its silly let it stay silly plEaseeeeeeeee stop drawing real life seriously PLeaseeee#jamies bad posts#discourse#fandom neg#no hate to cleo whatsoever the reason why im upset is i want a better win for her ive been truthing for years and to make her win sth stupi#is uhm. especially after how the fandom has treated her every time she does LITERALLY anything for YEARS is. uhm. well. i hate it#i want cleo to either be an actual victor or keep with her theme of not winning and throwing real life was a one off even martyn#to my knowledge hasnt said anything abt it like come ONNNN ITS STUPID LET IT BE STUPID LET IT BE A ONE OFF GIMMICK DONT TREAT IT LIKE ITS#REAL FOR FUCKS SAKEEEEEEEEEEEE#remember in the dsmp fandom when all the hermitcraft fans were like man yall are making mountains out of molehills nothing is happening#yeah i was a purely dsmp fan when that discourse was happening and now i feel like ripping someones head off
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every other day i think about the no.6 anime being more popular than the light novel and i want to cry
#BC THE ANIME DOESNT MAKE ANY SENSE#SURE IT HAS SHION AND NEZUMI DANCING OR WTV BUT????#WHAT ABOUT THE ACTUAL PLOT#NOTHING I TELL YOU IT MAKES NO SENSE#IM P SURE THEY BARELY EVEN MENTION. YK. THE MAO MASSACRE THING#AND EVEN IF YOURE JUST LOOKING FOR SHION AND NEZUMI WHAT ABOUT THE KNIFE SCENE OR NEZUMI MEETING SHIONS MOM#NOTHING I TELL YOUU#like youre actually told whats happening and it actually feels like a dystopian sci fi with a romantic subplot#keyword: SUBplot#whereas the anime feels like a bl with a sci fi subplot#which would be great and all IF THE STORY WERE ORIGINALLY LIKE THAT#hhhhhhhh#like at least read the manga#like ok the art style definitely doesn't fit the tone whatsoever BUT ITS BETTER THAN THE ANIME IN TERMS OF LIKE#GIVING CONTEXT AND STORYTELLING#anyways rant over#no.6#no.6 novel
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"Why..."
The next Destiny Bond update,,, is currently in progress,,,🚶♀️
–> Check out the latest part here 🔷
–> New to the series? Follow from the start! 💜
#Destiny Bond is a comic series where nothing bad whatsoever happens and everyone is fine actually#/unless#hey remember where this comic actually started I sure suddenly doSJDFHSNDFSNS /LH#drawing this update specifically near Valentines has to be one of the most on-brand yet funniest things I've done tbh#there's still a lot of polishing to go so don't worry it won't be out for a while SKDJFNSKJDFSD#my pages keep getting more and more webtoon-like so much so I kept thinking of the 'do you love the colors of the sky' post when making thi#I'm so sorry y'all I just gotta take advantage of tumblr's scrolling format it just worksdjfnsdns#Destiny Bond comicverse#/update in progress#sacredshipping#morty x eusine#morty/eusine#gym leader morty#morty pokemon#eusine#eusine pokemon#mystery man eusine#pokemon#pokemon hgss#pokemon gsc#pokemon fancomic#fancomic
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so in juniper's campaign we've just found ourselves in a high-stakes situation that I as a player do frankly find stressful and am anxious about, but hey hi also the DM was like 'okay here are the exact mechanics of how this is going to work because I don't want to surprise you with serious repercussions, also here are all the options you will have to try to do something about the situation-- [affected player] what do you think? honest feedback, I don't want it to feel unfair, I want to be clear that I am not just trying to kill your character, and if it ends up being badly balanced we can revisit it down the road' and oh my god I could COLLAPSE and WEEP with gratitude
#[tears in my fucking eyes] WHAT IF DND WAS GOOD!! WHAT IF A DM THAT'S GOOD!!!#LIKE I've said actually MOST of my DMs are good but because of the way this situation was presented specifically#where-- as NOT the affected player-- it does feel like the way it came up was a little unfair and I AM worried about the stakes--#I REALLY SPENT SO MUCH OF THAT ABOVE-TABLE TALK GOING OH WOW I FEEL LIKE OUR FRIEND ACTUALLY LOVES US AND WANTS THIS TO BE FUN!!#I DON'T KNOW THAT I AGREE WITH WHAT HE'S DOING HERE BUT I TRUST MY FRIEND AND IT'S SAFE FOR US TO TALK ABOUT THINGS LIKE THIS PLAYER TO DM!!#WOWIE THAT FEELS RELEVANT TO MY DND EXPERIENCE RIGHT NOW LMAO!!!#'I've looked at your stats and inventories to try to make this serious but balanced but if it doesn't work we can retool it'#'I want to be extremely clear that this situation could kill destal so I want to be extremely sure that you're comfortable with that--#-- and with how the mechanics are designed around it'#I am fucking. on my KNEES WEEPING. at the contrast with how punishing and DEEPLY unfun felix campaign has relentlessly been the whole time#and how little of a fuck it feels like THAT DM gives when he's like 'this random rolltable encounter was deadly :)'#'you guys didn't get hit last time and got all your spells back right?' uhhh wrong and wrong and we TALKED about that last time#are you gonna revisit the balance on your fifth in a row 'if you fail you'll TPK' scenario? no? yeah I figured lol#christ knows HE'S never invited feedback on his DMing. you KNOW I don't feel safe to say 'hey this doesn't feel fair or fun' with him#AND LIKE!! WITH A DM I TRUST I FEEL SAFE ENOUGH TO REALLY PLAY WITH SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENING!! YAY YIPPEE STAKES AND PATHOS!!!#I don't just want nothing bad to happen ever! but I don't want it to feel careless or heartless or just... Not Fun#anyway. grasping william's hands so tightly. my beloved friend. my wonderful friend. what a relief to have a DM that's good#after the shit we've been through in our now most-frequently-run campaign#the thing I'm mad about is that destal has been making a mystery saving throw every night-- but this was imperceptible to the characters#so we weren't acting on it#and now that he's failed it three times the situation is 'okay NOW you will be maming a con save every night and accumulating exhaustion'#'which can't be removed by sleeping' [six levels of exhaustion Kill You]#so like!! well okay I wish we had had ANY way of knowing how urgent this was before we got to 'now there's a deadly countdown' BUT OKAY#but like I said. he clearly put a lot of thought into the math for the mechanics#he made sure that we DO actually have ANYTHING we can do to mitigate the condition and outlined several options specifically and clearly#he checked in with justin about whether that seemed fair and opened it for future retooling if necessary#so I'm just at 'that was kind of a rugpull dude :/' instead of DESPAIRING lmao#this is a level of Oh Shit that's juicy! this is a level of Oh Shit that might force dramatic character choices out of desperation!#THIS IS AN OH SHIT WHERE WE STILL GET TO PLAY DND ABOUT IT AND HAVE ANY AGENCY WHATSOEVER. WHAT A CONCEPT.#ANYWAY!!! GOOD DND SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!
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i legitimately do not know how i have persisted under all this grief and i fear i won’t be able to for much longer
#it is like everything has been crashing down on me lately#everything happened in such quick succession that i had no time to even begin to process or cope#sibling went missing in ‘19. just gone. still don’t know what happened to them.#my mom had her stoke in ‘21 went into a coma for months made it out relatively okay only to be diagnosed with stage 4 cancer months later#then she passed late ‘22#not even 6 months later my dad passed completely unexpectedly#had to give up my dogs bc i could not take care of them on my own/we can’t have pets here#then my cat died a couple months ago#all i have left is my brother and our relationship is rocky at best to the point he’s physically hurt me and idk if we can ever recover from#all that#extended family on my dad’s side never gave a single shit abt us bc we were poor so i have zero relationship with them#my mother’s side is all dead#i really truly have nothing. EVERY single thing was taken from me in the span of 5 years#i try to foster the relationship i have w my brother but it’s genuinely bad for me mentally and physically at times#like how am i even supposed to move forward. what the fuck is left#i’ve been suicidal since 8 years old and every year it just gets fucking worse#i have no hopes or dreams or motivation to stay alive whatsoever#el oh el#death tw
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Honestly tragic that Light went down the path he did in the 2nd half bc in the beginning Tobias would've really liked him. He wholeheartedly agrees that the only way to bring REAL "justice" is by making sure the perpetrator will never be able to do evil again, which will never be achievable through lawful means like incarceration (especially in cases where they're connected to a bigshot who can bail them out) so the only way to truly get rid of evil is, like Light figured, through kiIIing them all
#muse: tobias.#Ironically enough Tobias thinks Light isn't (wasn't) harsh enough in his 'judgements'. HE would've made sure they suffer WAY more#I think the biggest differences between Tobias and Light are that 1) Tobias doesn't view himself as a 'God' or anything of the sort;#though he doesn't hurt innocent people for fun or money like they do; he views himself as not THAT different from his enemies#I mean sure he's disgusted by 99% of them but he's aware he does many things the faint of heart would never be able to stand looking at too#2) Light does everything as if he's not involved. He sets out 'judgements' to people who are far away; through more indirect means#whereas Tobias is much more involved. He PERSONALLY sets time aside to deliver the payback to the people who are in high positions#Most of the time he makes sure their last ever conversation is w him. Sometimes their death is remote (but still horrible; i.e explosions)#other times it's by his hands in which case they Wish they could've died like that ^ instead bc his torture isn't Only physical#3) Light doesn't care who he has to discard; being willing to kiII even his closest allies who would never think of turning on him#whereas Tobias would Never abandon his true allies like that. He knows damn well how hard to get across they are and he treasures them#so he's willing to take heavy losses to save them if need be; and certainly won't ever discard them the way Light would#4) Tobias knows damn well that by doing what he's doing it means he's eventually going to end up dead like his enemies and he's fine w that#meanwhile Light seriously thought he would conquer the world; have nothing happen to him whatsoever; then die a peaceful death#I should write a proper meta on the similarities and differences between Light (+L) and Tobias sometime bc I keep thinking about them
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September 2023
Anxiety
(chill out) (the best is yet to come)
#das me#junk journal#art journal#journal#junkjournal#gluebook#scrapbook#scrapbooking#anxiety#vent art#vent#september#2023#september 2023#don't wanna put the date as sept 11 bc this has nothing to do w that whatsoever#this is just my anxiety that happens all year and in it im seeing back to school anxiety and colors that hate each other being next to each#other and feeling out of control yet trapped at the same time#anyway uh#that's that i guess lol
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If you ever see me becoming one of those transmisandry people, please fucking call me out immediately.
#it shouldn't happen though i am too triggered by MRA-lite material#i can't see that changing any time soon even though i haven't had exposure to the content for like 10 years#the transmisandry discourse on this site melts my brain it's awful it's just online stuff being argued about more online stuff#this is not the same as me saying i will never be treated badly for being transmasc i am not stupid i know that happens#and i am fully committed to fighting the patriachy which has nothing whatsoever to do with my individual manhood or anyone else's#it's a system and yes gender and how we fit into the patriachy is made extremely complicated in trans circles and that's ok!#i promise it is you don't have to design a new system that cis women and trans women are using to do oppression on specifically trans mascs#we're all being fucked over by the patriachy and how the fuck does it help to be divided#but in reality let's face it i can say this all i want but the real reason i'm never going anywhere near being a transmisandry person#is because i was exposing myself to MRA-lite content at a formative age and harming myself in the process#even if i didn't know i was a trans man guess what it would have harmed me just as much if i did have that awareness#and honestly when i see transmisandry discourse all i see is that fucking triggering stuff again#all it does is nitpick whether patriachy is real with tiny examples it doesn't talk systemicly and it doesn't help men in the slightest#it pays lipservice to marginised men but it has no interest in talking about the fact that men are usually simultaenously#oppressed and oppressor at the same time- this is not accusatory it is just factual#it's true of the queer community too and basically every community#but we can't seem to talk about it without just harming each other and blaming and not seeing each other as human#the internet makes it all so much fucking worse this stuff can't exist without it#anyway i'm super rambling but these are genuinely very triggering topics for me i have unfollowed people i LOVE becuase of this#and i still love them! unfollowing on a social media isn't a referendum on that i just can't see that stuff and i need it gone from my dash
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#i'm disliking bayonetta 3 so much :))))))))))#what did they do where's the fucking story#why is nothing happening why is bayonetta not questioning anything#why is viola there? just for comic relief?#she knows so much and she doesn't say shit!!!!!!!!!#this game has no plot whatsoever???#yeah the gameplay is fun i'll give them that. but the rest... OOF#i'm still halfway through the game and i can't tell it's not gonna get any better...#so many years waiting for this game and this is what we get...#i'm literally so disappointed. i only see flaws...#i feel like all the ppl who give this game a 10 are not fans cause there's no way they are not complaining about the lack of plot#and character interaction#(btw i say they are not fans as in. this is the first bayo game they've played)#(obviously if you are a fan and loved it then good for you! i'm happy for you)#but i'm not enjoying it in the slightest and i hate to say this SO much you have no idea#bayonetta means everything to me and i'm a huge fangirl#so know that if i'm complaining so much it's because genuinely. this game has too many flaws#sigh... anyway#can't wait to get to the ending no one liked!!#btw no spoilers please! as i said i'm halfway through the game#delete later maybe
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Im so tired despite sleeping all day and i have to go in at 8:30 tomorrow cause even tho its not christmas we have holiday hours still and i work the day after and friday abd then first week of january ill also prolly work all week cause second week i have my production assistant certification im like not having any rest till nearly mid january to which ill have 3 days then no more rest till after valentines
#also i was remembering how some lady was up by the register and i was like oh i can get you if ur ready and shes like oh??#this isnt self checkout?#and im like no? mind you the store is essentially the size of like a highschool computer lab or a bit smaller than like a stand alone#convince only 7/11 abd she was like oh i saw the scanner and i thought it was self checkout#and i was thinking oh you mean the scanner faced away from you and the register screen also faced away from you#anywyas i log in cause o have like a username and password to get into the regjster and im scanning her stuff#and shes like oh no i got that already and i tell her nothing wad scanned yet cause i have to log in and that she didnt do anything#and she was like no i scanned it it beeped abd i was like yeah the thing scanned but nothing happened transaction wise i have tk log in#for anything to happen with the register and i told her like you didnt do anything you werent logged in nothing was accomplished#this is not self checkout whatsoever#and i said it like that which maybe was mean but i was more confused than anything and she just seemed more confused#either way she paid and left#also i dont get the confusion with confirm total. like our register has them confirm. its like this purchsde is 20 bucks yes no?#and people get so confused like? its asking you is what you bought 20 bucks? yes or no#and if they have a giftcard jesus christ#they swipe it which imo seems like the main option people get so hurt that i wont swipe their giftcard for them#and it asks them to confirm to total b4 the giftcard takes anything off and they get so confised and annoyed being like it didnt take it#what does this mean i jsut used a giftcard did it steal my money like just hit yes#and its people who are like 30 or 40 and they buy the discounted giftcard sets so they know exactly how it works#but decide to act brand new for some reason#and i get new tech can be daunting but its not impossible to learn like the whole cant teach old dogs new tricks like whatever#maybe for the like customers i get who are in their 80s and 90s ill cut em slack#but people who are like 50s and 60s now screaming at me how they cant work new things or when they want things delivered#and i tell them they can use door dash and they scream that they cant use apps or the internet and im just throwinf them out to sea#cause im forcing them to use new tech they cant possibly learn and im an evil bitch like#first iphone was like what 2008? concretely established 2014?#thatd makr them like what in their 40s 50s? when they would have first started to learn that#thats not impossible#im not asking for you to learn madarin or swedish#also sorry u defunded the public libraries that could have taught you these things
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Uggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Every fucking month i get the worst fucking pain flare up and every damn time i always say “oh, it cant get much worse than this!” And every single time the next month rolls around and proves me wrong.
#pyro speaks#chronic pain#chronic illness#i think its the cold making it worse#thing about me is most of my life it was just simple#‘if you run or push yourself you’ll be in slight pai’#but like#nowadays its just random days are shitty and terrible#like#only halfway through last year i just started to have pain#which according to some meters ive seen its really only around this stage that that happens for peopel with my disability#but my mum has no drama whatsoever#and i get that it differs from person to person#i am a bit late with thsi after all#but i cant help but feel like im making a big deal out of nothing…#but its no nothing when i can hardly walk from pain#hypermobile eds#eds zebra#ehlers danlos awareness#ehlers danlos syndrome#hypermobile ehlers danlos#ehlers danlos zebra#ehlers danlos problems#hypermobility#leg pain#back pain#shoulder pain#arm pain#im gonna go bowling for my birthday#hope it doesnt turn out to be bad
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sorry to like. any of my followers who followed for qsmp just to see me be abnormal about doomsday . ive got like issues
#im not well about doomsday it turns on the toxic debator in me#i think its interestinf and i think its good as a core conflict#BUT NOTHING WAS FUCKING DONE WITH THE CONFLICT SO IT JUST.#ENDED UP BEING REALLY CRUEL AND ONLY USED TO BE SAD ABOUT FOR A FEW MINUTES BEFORE MOVING ON#liek . like. like. like#its not as if i wouldnt KEEP doomsday. but if it has to happen#for the love of fucking god i wish the characters could have *talked* about it for more than like a few minutes#IT ALMOST SEEMED LIKE IT WAS GOING TO GO SOMEWHERE AT POINTS#BUT THEN NOTHINF ACTUALLY HAPPENED#and theres nothing like. good about what happened. it didnt solve any problems#in fact everyone involved got WORSE#and thats INTERESTING. BUT NOTHING WAS DONE ABOUT ITTTTTAAAAUUUGGHRHRGH#i dont mean it didnt affect the characters on individual levels. it did#i mean that i needed resolution. proper conversation. reconciliation and consideration from ctechno and cphil#if youre going to have something so awful and irreversible happen. incorporate resolution.#yes its a tragedy but dsmp does not feel like a story that a true tragic end fits. whatsoever#a whole country was blown up to *bedrock*. history was lost. permanently. it traumatized multiple characters#some of which were literal teenagers#the people who lost their home didnt benefit from any of it. at all. except MAYBE ranboo and they still had issues#they needed to work out about their feelings on nlm#doomsday trio benefited. and that was it#AND WE NEVER . GET ANY PROPER RESOLUTION ABOUT IT. AAUUUUUGGHH#they lost their HISTORY. their COUNTRY. their HOMES.#and the narrative spits on them and says well you learned a lesson didnt you? you deserved it. stay down. stay on the losing side. fuck you#thats stupid. its soooo stupid and narratively cruel and i think. dsmp works better as a hopeful story#the way the doomsday conflict ended up fizzling out is a massive pile of cow shit on that#theres no hope in just going well actually 🤓 the butcher army tried to kill techno for threatening their country#so the country being destroyed is a GOOD thing 🤗 quackity and tubbo and fundy were actually RIGHT#to be paranoid. because they were right! ctechno worked with cdream and blew up their whole country#huh? what do you mean this is terrifying and the fucked up morals of everyone in this situation should have been actually addressed
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