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#and i want to relapse so fucking bad

cryptidyork · 8 months

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#shut up spencer #today is just #not a good day #mental illness makes literally just fucking existing a constant exhausting fight #nothing whatsoever has happened #but i cant stop thinking about badly i just dont want to fucking be here #and i want to relapse so fucking bad #im like 3 months clean from self harm #and i am so ready to throw that away for no reason #just my own fucking brain reminding me constantly that im worthless and deserve it #i genuinely want to just fucking die

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borderlinebelle · 3 months

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If mental health has you or someone you love by the NECK my haphazard garbage content might be for you.

video is like 1 min long, don’t panic.

ALSO… if you’re broke af .. this content might uh… might also be for you … if it helps I’m crazy and poor too. I’m crazy poor if I’m ffr. 🤣

come away with me … in the night… link beneath👇🏽

DOING MY WACK TAXES EP 2 IS UP NOW…

also I fight a bug I guess?

SUBSCRIBE! I can only really post when my brain allows so it’s sporadic. Sorry.

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userna-me12345 · 2 years

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This is officially a cry for help 💃

#i wanna relapse so bad #i wanna die #tw su1c1d3 #i want to cry #i hate it here #i should kms #sewerslidal #mentally fucked #k1ll me #sad girl hours #live laugh lobotomy #tw shelf harm #selfharn

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weightlessantique · 1 month

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I have to study biology now, but I'm jus scrolling thru eat¡ng disørder content instead

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shima-draws · 8 months

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Also it really sucks bc I want to draw but I CAN’T bc I’m in a lot of pain rn. Sitting here like

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#AUGHH. I’m still in physical therapy btw.#I was doing p good for a while until I sat in the car for a 5 hour round trip and that fucked my back up SO bad #So I relapsed. And my pain has been Bad for the past couple weeks #Not nearly as bad as it was at the beginning but my pain levels are back up #Which makes me so MAD bc I was at the point where I barelyyy felt it #SIGHS #Well. I’m getting dry needling done tomorrow and that should help #Not SUPER fond of the idea of needles getting poked into my back but at this point I’ll do anything #My therapist says everyone who’s done it under his care has felt a lot better afterwards #And I trust his judgement so.#I’ll be poked and prodded at tomorrow morning lol #I just want this to be over. It started in May. It’s October now #It’s been what. Five months?? FIVE????#It’s almost been half a year since this started oh my fucking god. Killing myself #Shima speaks

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spirituallyfucked · 7 months

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looks like its time to distance myself and stop speaking again <3

#all alone #loneliest #mentally fucked #sorry for being depressing #sadgirl #sad thoughts #mentally tired #mentally exhausted #mental illness #tw depressing thoughts #i want to disappear #im so fucking stupid #i wanna relapse so bad #i want to cvt #i want to cry #i want to diiieeee

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suncaptor · 19 days

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yeah this cannot go on i need to take something like my chest is exploding i can't calm down it's 7am i feel insane insane insaneeeee

#though I HAVE successfully testing that ldn gives me an insane amount of (anxious) energy when i'm on a 3-4mg dose but then i get foggy and #empty at 4-5mg i think #i'm not sure if i should go down to like 2 or try to find the window between #i wish i just had like. a year to get meds right and heallllll so badly #but i can't afford going all the way down and having more relapses #i feel like i'm having aheart attack rn it's so bad it's so acutely painful #and it's so weird bc it's so empty #too like last month i was so full of everything and especially uh attachment fear but now it's just like pain empty screaming pain #i think it's the not eating food enough thing #i mean I DID eat MANY crackers today. rolls eyes #not enough hhh #i know theres so much i have to get done but like ic annot do anything i can't even message anyone i can't i need to get sedated #i don't know if i should try having MORE ldn or ritalin (probably not bc it doesn't sedate me like adderall)#or just hydroxyzine or muscle relaxers #hydroxyzine is looking like the most likely option #bc i still associate muscle relaxers too much with trauma i can't take them they scare me #i feel like i'm dying #i don't think you guys get how fast i'm typing rn like i am going fucking insane if i die of a heart attack for real it would suck huh #no i KNOW this is panic i KNOWWWW i'm panicking but i also feel like i'm going to throw up and die forever it's so bad i feel so so bad lik #i don't think people get how bad everything is i need it to all calm down and stop i need it to get better i am not okay holy shit #you know what everything in my life might not feel fixable and i am letting all my professors down but I can probably take incompletes wors #comes to worst i need to take hydroxzyine sleep and then cave and buy some food tomorrow #like what's happening now i #there FEELS like there's a SHAARP HOOOK in my CHEST IMAPLING ME #if i sedate myself enough i might be able to communicate with people for real instead of burrowing my head into the ground forever and ever #yeah okay i'm taking hydroxzyine #i feel like the problem with antihistamines now after last year is [redcated]#trying to convinc emyself this is not a suicide attempt or self harm i just need to calm down hahahahafih;aeifahe;wifahewifae #that's what they're PRESCRIBED for #i think i want benadryl instead though bc it's shorter and it also makes me head clearer i wonder if i have any i think it's not here thoug

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shakybonesstuff · 2 months

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I don’t know why I feel like this but I do, and it won’t stop.

The only thing I want is for it to stop.

Please.

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arionawrites · 7 months

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decided to make a list of all my diagnosed issues and like fucking. god damn. how am i just living day to day.

#nine bullet points #of diagnosed things i struggle #i struggle with #1. type one diabetes 2. adhd 3. bipolar 4. severe anxiety 5. depression 6. insomnia 7. migraines 8. dpdr 9. ptsd #and im just ?? existing like this??? literally how what the fuck #there’s more than that too thats just like the actual able to be diagnosed shit #probably also at least slightly autistic but my psychologist said that its not bad enough to impact me big time and a diagnosis would do mor #more harm than good so im just kind. Not lmao #but also: abandonment issues self worth issues guilty conscience issues feeling unworthy of literally everything issues #awful at establishing boundaries #sh issues #(not for like years but its a struggle to not relapse every year esp during winter)#suicidal ideation but at least ive never actually been suicidal #not bc i particularly love being alive but because the fact that i dont know what comes after death scares me too much lmao #even at my lowest of lows i have not wanted to kms SOLELY bc the unknown scares me enough to be like #yeah this sucks but at least i know it #at least it’s like familiar which is sad but still true lma #OH ALSO eating disorder lmao. diabulimia is a thing.#genuinely how have i not been fucking hospitalized #not in a bad way but like. idk how i havent gotten to that point yet #tho to be fair there are multiple points i probably should have been tbh #i just. dont want to worry people? or inconvenience anyone. and i know im not gonna kms so its easy to be like ‘i dont need that’#i have overshared way too much in these tags sorry i’ll stop now #if anyone has actually read all of these: i’m sorry. i love you. i hope you feel better than i do. i hope you smiled today.

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cartoonghosts · 9 days

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forgot I had rsd ✨️✨️ then I unforgot and now it's Back

#Help it's trying to get me to relapse #I don't think I will but there is a pin I have saved on my wall and fuck I want to #I feel so fucking scared like I know I'll be okay but my chest is trying to kill me and my lungs aren't opening enough #I don't think I'm worth staying alive for #✨️✨️ perfectly stable over here #I hate that even on meds I still have fucking depression #I want to fucking kill myself and I CANT GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD #I was doing so well for a bit #I know no one I know will see this today #But please help #I need help #I don't know if I'll relapse but this is so painful #It isn't half as bad as it was a handful of months ago but I was used to it then

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weightlessantique · 1 month

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I've done this test for fun and now I'm so disgusted by the 67% chances of having a BED

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If anyone is curious about this, here's the link, but remember that this test is NOT a diagnosis

https://www.idrlabs.com/eating-disorders-indicators/test.php

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hearties-circus · 5 months

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Oh g-d I've been withdrawing

#gamer txt.#i keep typong up posts and tags and delstinv them withoit thinking too much about it recentlu but k never usually dp that #theyve all been needy and attention seeking and thats why i was eriting them in the first place but thats ehy i keep deleting them #because i want attention #and that scares tge hell out of me #how bad do i have to be to be this desperate for some sort of contact yet this scared of losing everyone eho moght give it to me #why am u rhis scared of people thinking im annoying ive been feleting needy posts for months thats not . like me #even when im bad im usually better than that i dont. i dont understand ahy this is different #hell i relapsed a few months ago and i couldnt bring myself to even say i cut myself again outright bc i didnt want to be bother #since when the hell have i put up the illusion of being ok on this blog why am i so comcerned #are my trust issues really that bad? am i really that worried everyone who cares about me will fold the second i inconveniene them?#g-d thats. yeah fuck no wonder my friends were insulted when i gave them a 6/10 for 'ppl i would talk to if i had issues'#that is insulting #and whats worse is that its a lie #6/10 should be over half i should tell them my problems about half of the time #i dont do it. ever #and usually thats not too bad because i unload wverything here anyways but now ive stsrted stopping kyself frkm doi g thst #i want help and attention and to stop being so svared but im too scared to ask for those #i had to drag myself out of bed to make rhis post bc if i left it till morning i wouldnt do kt #also thats why all the typos btw no glssses its dark and i stsrted crying at some point #i dont know if its just how ive been feeling lateky or if theres some truth to it but i feel like my text posts have been getting seen less #im honestly kinda really twrrified im gonna wake up and no one will have seen this post and im just gonna pretend to be ok #bevause i would i think i would really just give up #i dont know what gl do #ive never been this scaredwithout a discernable cause before #ive stsrted cryung way harder andb u dont even know why #i think i think thats more or lees everything off my chest #im gonna try to sleep

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mynameisbillandimaheadcase · 1 month

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Whatever rant tw

#shout out to #golden kamuy for keeping me occupied from my f*ther calling everyone a perverted transvestite #bc he is watching Eurovision #my m*other doesn't stop him either #things are getting bad again #this is so incredibly traumatizing #and my s*ster is outside talking to my very transphobic ex best friend #like he didn't just out me a month ago #fuck I'm really not doing okay #I'm truly not doing okay #this is so fucking triggering #I want to cry #but i can't bc we are all staying at those stupid apartments with a bathroom and only another room #we are all trapped on the living room/kitchen #i can't last until Saturday #the thoughts are really bad #I really want to relapsed rn

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nintendo-666 · 9 months

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6 and a half years

And I can finally see people nodding off on heroin without being triggered

#for ref i was an opiate addict for some years #seeing ppl clearly high used to make my blood rush through my veins #i wanted to relapse so bad #but now finally it's like #i know that it's not what I want for my life anymore #idk I still wanna relapse constantly #addiction is fucking weird

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officerhomo · 5 months

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realizing canonwise subkit is probably most definitely a proship or something considering subspace sees medkit as a traitor and literally caused the loss of his eye

chat what do i do. i am not having a good night

like the only instances i have of it are an au based around subspace being sad about medkits fucking dramatic ass death and a fucking crack fic thats in the works about medkit subspace and ban hammer having a wedding

#homohollers #phighting #medkit phighting #subspace phighting #ban hammer phighting #subkit #km not putting all the tags #it hurts so fuckin much dude tonight has been horrendous i dont fuckin know what to do anymore #am i reverting back to my old horrible problematic self?#am i relapsing?#am i gonna end up the horrible person i was before #i dont want to #i dont want to hurt people anymore #or myself #i dont fucking want to do bad things #i wanna be a good person #i want #to be good #please

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placeinthisworld · 5 months

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#bro i know it sounds silly but i feel so fucking stupid for still struggling w my mh the way that i do #like it’s so embarrassing i’m literally bullying myself in my brain to the point of wanting to relapse and for what reason?#my brain is just so fucked up? and the one therapist i was actually honest with dumped me bc i was too complicated???#like i swear to goooood it’s just easier to *** but like how do you get over that feeling of just not being good enough or stable enough #or smart enough or nice enough #genuinely not sure if it’s the stress or anxiety or if i’m really just not good enough for this #i can’t tell if i’m being dramatic or if it’s my bpd making me upset or if how i feel is justified and i literally have nobody to tell me #just a rant bc i’m so fucking sad i could do something bad about it but im consciously not does that mean anything?

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