#object impermanence

[maitaiwiththecorpses]

i have been crying on and off for the past twelve hours because no one wants to play with my hair.

In this essay, I will explain to you why starving someone with adhd of physical touch is SO detrimental.

HA

YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T GOING TO WRITE THE ESSAY HUH

WELL HERE IT IS BITCHES

People with adhd suffer from what is commonly known as 'object impermanence'. This being the case, it kinda narrows down our potential list of love languages (btw this is by no way all encompassing to the adhd community, but this is based off both personal experience and a lot of research) Soooo that leaves us with words of affirmation, quality time, and physical touch. And you know what goes hand in hand? Quality time and physical touch. SO for the purpose of this essay/dissertation/rant, we're going to consider those as one and the same (yes i am completely aware how different they can be BUT FOR THE PURPOSE OF THIS ESSAY-). Take words of affirmation away- those go away pretty quickly anyway- and you're basically left with physical touch.

If you deprive someone who REGULARLY and CHRONICALLY lacks dopamine, the chemical needed in order for their brain and body to function, be happy, basically be human, and then deprive them of the medium in which they prefer to experience affection in, I'll be damned if they're NOT crying non stop for the next twelve hours only to go numb from the overstimulation and raging swells of emotion. Not to mention, rejection sensitivity dysphoria, or RSD, is SUPER common with people who have adhd and is kinda hard to combat once they're already in a swing of dysphoria, so when you 'reject' them (deprive them of their affection) you're basically telling them, "nope, you're lying to me about your needs, you don't need this affection right now, or ever, and you're just a clingy little bitch."

Ahem.

Of course, it's completely understandable when the person who is supposed to be physical with the adhder isn't in the mood for hugs or hair playing or cuddling, but if you consciously have an adhder and they need that kind of affection, then BOTh of you need to be equipped with strategies and mechanisms to 1) combat the RSD 2) meet both people's needs 3) BE FUNCTIONAL HUMAN BEINGS

the worst part is, because people with adhd experience such strong and crippling RSD, a lot of the time they can't even bring themselves to ASK for affection which them leads them into a further pid of dysphoria and depression which then leads to a NON FUNCTIONAL HUMAN BEING.

So. What am I saying? Cuddle your peeps with adhd (consensually.) And play with their hair. Especially if they explicitly asked for it, because that shit is hard. Give them a hug. Hold their hand. We're touched starved out here, people, do fluffy domestic shit or smth. Pull us by the belt loops and give us crushing hugs that could end panic attacks I DONT KNOW GET CREATIVE

[bookwyrminspiration]

why did I consider checking the pajama drawer for that missing paper before considering my desk drawers

[nagichi-boop]

Me: I have object impermanence but with people. If they’re not with me, I forget they even exist.

Mum: So do you miss me when I’m gone?

Me: Uhm…not really?

Mum: Wow, you must hate me!

Me: That’s…that’s not how it works?

[thatnerdyqueer]

hiding your money in a 'secure location' is a bad idea when you have object impermanence.

[aquietanarchy]

I will put this valuable object in a location so secure that even I will be unable to find it in the future

[audhd-space]

I broke a glass before going to work, and lost my office key and had to “jailbreak” the door only to find out I left them in front of my pc

I’m so tired of my ADHD sometimes

[amihungryorbored]

how do you tell someone that you love them very much and that hasn't changed but your brain just kinda forgets they exist sometimes?

[antimony-ore]

ADHD pro tip:

If you act like something doesn't exist for long enough, it ceases to simply because you have forgotten about it

[coppersunshine]

I've had "buy a mop" stewing on my to-do list for at least half a year. I finally actually bought the damn thing and brought it home where it sat in the living room for a week. Yesterday I went to put it away properly and there, staring at me from the same corner of the utility room where my oft-used vacuum and broom live, in the corner where it is impossible for me not to have seen it every time I go in that room, was a fuckin mop.

I can't believe it took 24 whole years for me to be diagnosed with adhd.

[ehditaan]

Oh, that delightful adhd feeling when the dehydration headache is coming on but you just can’t bring yourself to get up and get something to drink so you keep scrolling and the headache keeps getting worse and you know you just need to get up and grab your water bottle from where you left it on the nightstand all of three feet away, and then just when you finally find the will, you sit up... only to see that the nightstand is empty (ok, you have adhd, it’s obviously not empty but the point is, there’s no water bottle). And you suddenly realize that your water bottle... is right next to you. Because you brought it over here knowing you have to keep drinking or you’ll get a headache. It’s literally been sitting FOUR FUCKING INCHES FROM YOUR GOD DAMNED HAND and you could have been drinking water THIS ENTIRE FUCKING TIME THANK YOU.

[golden--flowers]

I have a problem of experiencing a problem and thinking "I need to do something about this" but then once I'm not experiencing the problem and can possibly do something about it I think "I'm not experiencing the problem now so it's fine"

[loathsomespider]

its amazing that after months of people trying to hype new netflix shows only to see them cancelled after one season because they didnt squid game-level pop off, after netflix personally fucking over every animator that's ever worked for them, after netflix trying to squeeze blood from stones by tracking your location to stop password sharing, after hbo burned its entire library for tax purposes, everyone just decided that chatgpt is the main antagonist of the writers strike

[madamescarlette]

don't you love when you're like, okay now I'm going to leave this sorrow in the old year so I don't turn into a crotchety bitter person over it, and then you walk on feeling all refreshed and bright no longer carrying it on your shoulders, but then the sorrow wanders after you like a child who was lost in the supermarket weeping its eyes out and it says to you where did you GO I was lost! I was lost and I missed you!!! and you can only sigh and take it by its hand and say to it very well. here's your seat. I'm sorry I left you behind, I promise it was with the best of intentions, but I want to do my best by you, so let's sit together and try to figure out what you're saying to me.

[icedhockey]

the balls on this kid i am REELING (x)

[eddis-not-eeddis]

I spent almost two hundred dollars on storage (decent storage...all of it see-through) and now my room is finally tidy again and it is so cozy.

[djarin]

the way i've just finally been able to tackle about 10 years worth of clutter in my room...