#of course I always had criticisms but I didn’t know he was that egocentric

[sydneyadmu]

just found out that tony gilroy received some massive criticism from a movie released in 2018 for its anti arab tones and… he definitely doesn’t deal well with people telling him when he’s wrong and it’s not humble to learn from his mistakes so if you had any hopes that some issues from andor would be fixed next season it’s better to reconsider 🥴

more about it -> here and here

[writingforcuteppl]

Dating Sparrow!Ben Headcannons 

WARNINGS: Swearing, smut

SFW:

How it started:

Ben Hargreeves is a little shit. He believes he’s the most amazing person in the world. Someone that gets what he wants, of course, that was until he met you.

Ben saw you for the first time after a mission with the Sparrows. You were looking at how everyone was cheering for them after another successful mission.

Yeah, they had powers, and they put their lives at risk, and you were thankful the world had someone like them, but they were way too cocky.

You believed that if they wanted to help because they only care about the well-being of the people, they wouldn’t show off that much.

Anyways, Ben saw you looking at him, at least, that’s what his ego made him think.

He got closer to you. Expecting you to be amazed by him. But you were unimpressed

“Like what you see, sweetheart?” You looked at Ben. You won’t deny he was hot. All the posters and billboards weren’t doing him any justice. “I mean, I know I’m handsome, want a picture? It lasts longer”

You rolled your eyes at his comment, he may be hot, but you could tell he was egocentric

You started to turn around, ready to go on with your day, until you felt his hand grab your wrist

“At least can I get your name?” There was something in his eyes that was different, something soft and sweet

You just smiled and said, “No”

He was shocked. No? No one has ever told him that. You took advantage of his reaction to free yourself from his grasp

Ben took that personally.

As soon as he saw you disappear in the crowd, he went straight to Fei, asking her to follow you, she was about to ask him why, but after all the years being siblings, she knew better not to ask

And then, it was like Ben was everywhere you went

Outside work, at restaurants, your favorite coffee shop, at the park, everywhere

He tried so badly to make it look like a casual encounter, failing in the attempt

Always saying something cheesy like “Fate keeps making us meet” or “Is it I or the universe wants us to be together?”

You wouldn’t accept it, but it made your day whenever you saw him waiting for you.

When you least expect it, you were starting to look for him wherever you went, knowing full well he will be waiting for you. And Ben realized that.

After a few weeks, you decided to give him a change. Trying to hide your attraction to him was starting to get useless.

Ben just wanted to have an opportunity with you. So in one of your many encounters, he decided it was time to ask you out.

“Just one date, if you keep thinking that I’m an asshole after the date, I will stop” You didn’t know if he was telling the truth, but one date wouldn’t hurt

And you were right.

Ben had the full evening planned.

First of all, he didn’t want you to meet his siblings, at least not yet. You were way too important for him, and his siblings tend to criticize everyone and everything, so the more time he can keep you away from them, the better. So he bribed his siblings to leave the house so he could make this evening a special one.

He made this beautiful setting in the rooftop garden they had. A place where the two of you could talk without anyone interrupting at all.

The more you talk and the evening passed, the more you started to fall for him.

You didn’t understand how he could be so different when he was in front of other people and when he was only with you.

It was like he created a whole different persona.

“Can ask you something, Ben? And I really don’t want you to take it personally, but it’s something I realized…”

“Go ahead”

“Why do you act like a douche?”

Ben let out a dry laugh, he knew this question was going to come up at any moment, and of course, he knew the answer very well.

“Well, you see, I found out that when you are polite all the time, people tend to take advantage of you no matter what. They think you are some kind of gullible person, and they think they can do whatever they want with you, well, at least that happened to me. And, of course, with a family like mine… Believe me when I say they are the most competitive people. Always trying to show who’s the best, so naturally, I’ll be just like them, even if sometimes I know I can come up as someone despicable.”

It was the first time he was completely honest with anyone, and you could feel it.

The rest of the night was wonderful, the two of you learned about each other’s lives, maybe not everything, but at least the highlights of them.

It was starting to get late, so Ben decided it was time to take you to your home

“So..?” Ben asked when the two of you arrived at your apartment door

“So what, Hargreeves?”

“Am I still an asshole?”

You just smile and gave him a quick peck on the lips

“Not at all”

How he is in the relationship

So Ben is definitely part of the “I hate everyone but her” trope, you know, the “she’s the sunshine, and he’s the grumpy one.”

Like, he can be a douche to his siblings, but the moment he sees you, his humor completely changes.

Maybe that’s why all the Sparrows love having you around. It makes their brother more bearable to be around.

His siblings don’t know, but he would do anything to make you happy

He loves showering you with love, preferably when none of his siblings are around, but if he feels like doing it, he will, no matter whose present.

Not only that, but all his siblings are thankful you’re in his life. They know how he puts on this tough façade no matter what, even when he is hurting, but he seems more relaxed and in touch with his feelings when you are around, not having to fake anything.

Of course, that means a lot of teasing coming from the Sparrows

No matter what the two are doing, someone finds a way the find the two of you and start making any type of cheesy and mocking comments.

Ben was proud to have you as his girlfriend.

Taking every single opportunity to mention you or mention he now has a beautiful and fantastic girlfriend

He even mentioned you when he was having any type of interview (most of them after saving the city and completing a mission successfully)

By the end of the first month together, you were pretty sure everyone in the city knew your name (you were glad he only mentioned you, and he never really showed a photo of you)

It was like the two of you knew the reason for only mentioning you and never being seen together in public. You knew if anyone ever saw the two of you, you could be at high risk. Being a “hero” came with a lot of disadvantages, and one of them was putting everyone he ever cared about in danger.

Your relationship was private but not secret.

And you were okay with it. You didn’t want everyone snooping in your relationship.

Now with the powers.

Something that made Ben happy when the two of you started dating was the fact that you didn’t mind his tentacles at all.

It was like a normal thing for you.

You were so used to seeing him save the day with his powers that when you were around him, the fact that he was using his powers was normal for you.

He would use them daily, like when someone needed something from an unreachable place to move things around, or even when you were just too far from him, he would simply use his tentacles and make you move closer to him.

And you were completely fine with it.

NSFW:

How he is when having sex:

So a lot of dominance coming from Ben.

Something about being in control of someone turned him on so much.

And being controlled by him was amazing.

Of course, you being so used to seeing him use his tentacles almost for everything meant he would use them with you during sex.

He has this ability to not only control the tentacles but also focus on giving you pleasure.

The tentacles were an addition to all the experiences he gives you.

He loves edging you with them, making you beg for his presence to be near you.

He also loves using the tentacles to keep you from moving

Seeing you so helpless, begging for his cock always made him feel so important and needed

Of course, once he thought you had enough foreplay, he would fuck you senseless without the tentacles

(Not that they were really needed)

Been liked it rough.

Seeing how your eyes would roll whenever he was thrusting into you only made him go harder.

Being the way he is, he loves when you make any type of sound. It serves as a confirmation of how much pleasure he is giving you.

He also wants to show how much pleasure he’s giving you, so he fucks you hard enough that you can’t hold back any type of sound.

His competitiveness with Marcus shows even when he’s fucking you raw.

You tried hard not to be so loud, but Ben didn’t like that.

Ben stopped when he realized you weren’t as loud as you usually would be when nobody was around.

You whined as you just needed a little more to come undone

“What did I say, princess? I want to hear you.”

You just whimpered at his words, being weak whenever he called you “princess.”

He increases his pace, sending shivers down your spine and making you moan in the process and forgetting to stay in silence.

You were pretty sure Ben knew how to push your buttons, so you would do anything he asked.

Ben loved giving you praises of how well you were for him

Like, “Look at you, taking my cock like a good girl.”

Or “You are always so good to me, baby, always doing what I want.”

He said any of those things loud and clear so everyone, especially Marcus, heard how good he made you feel.

And, of course, the Sparrows wouldn’t leave both of you alone

Every single day after the two of you had sex, they would make comments

It was embarrassing for you to know they were mocking you only to bother Ben, but it was the complete opposite.

Ben enjoyed the comments and the mocking, making him proud, always sending a smirk toward Marcus as if he won some kind of contest.

You just hide your face in Ben’s neck, trying so bad the Sparrows didn’t see how embarrassed you were.

But not all the times you two had sex were like that

Sometimes the two of you wanted to feel the closeness of each other

Those nights were special

He was so tender and sweet

Always whispering sweet nothings to your ear

Always making sure you felt how much he loves you, making sure you felt ok and happy all the time

“You know how much I love you, baby? You don’t have any idea how good you always make me feel.”

Love actions:

He likes words of affirmation.

You know, having a father like Reginald, someone who barely shows any type of emotion even if we are talking about his own children…

Well, Ben liked hearing your feelings, and of course, he loves to listen to how much he means to you and how much you loved him, no matter what the two of you were doing.

You always make sure he knows how loved he really is and how a fantastic person he is

Ben wouldn’t admit it, but he loves all the praises you give him, and of course, he does the same when it comes to you.

He also loves showering you with love words, making you feel happy and loved all the time.

He just wants to give you all the love he wishes he had received all his life.

When the two of you are alone, he enjoys having you close to him

Sometimes he’s too scared of something happening to you

So those little moments he gets with you were pure golden

Ben Hargreeves was full of surprises, but fortunately, you were able to see the real Ben. And you are so glad the two of you crossed paths because he’s definitely the most perfect person in the whole world.

n a v i g a t i o n

[linkspooky]

Gojo and Mahito

Nanami and Gojo share several parallels as pointed out by Nanami in Chapter 22 of Jujutsu Kaisen. A connection between the two of them that’s developed to the point where we see Mahito steal a technique from Gojo (domain expansion activation for only a few microseconds) in the latest chapter. More on the parallels of Gojo and Mahito, because for both of them there’s more than meets the eye. 

1. Children with Too Much Power

Mahito parallels Gojo, but more specifically I believe he has the most in common with teenage Gojo we see in Hidden inventory. Especially on two key points. Both of them had immense strength that they hadn’t quite figured out yet.

Teenage Gojo, who was still figuring out the infinity and could not yet quite make the universe bend at the snap of his finger tips. In his introductory arc when Mahito was fighting Nanami, he was like a child figuring out how to use his body for the first time. 

Everything he does in that arc is out of a childish sense of curiosity. He gets to close to Junpei, to observe what will happen from prolonged interaction with a human. He toys around a long time with fighting Nanami because he’s still figuring out how his curse technique works. 

Unlike the other curses who seem to already exist knowing what they are, or have existed for years already long enough to figure themselves out, Mahito is actively learning about himself when he fights Nanami. 

Just like Gojo, being pushed to the brink of death by an incredibly powerful enemy, only seems to make Mahito bounce back stronger. Mahito and Gojo parallel each other in their comparison to Nanami. Simply put, Nanami is the most mature character in the series, he’s the role model for a normal, decent adult. 

While Gojo will drag children to battlefields, or take big bets with their lives, Nanami acts much more responsibility, with respect to the fact that Yuji is a child whose emotional well being he’s nurturing. 

Nanami is introduced to us as the opposite of Gojo, someone mature while Gojo is immature. He even says that he doesn’t respect him in the least bit. Gojo’s powerful, but he’s not grown up. Nanami even explains this quite logically, people don’t grow up by fighting bad guys, or getting stronger. People grow up by accumulating experiences. 

Gojo and Mahito are all powerful in ways that Nanami will never be, while at the same time they act like children. Especially teenage Gojo, but even adult Gojo doesn’t really like to get along well with other people, and decides everything based on his own emtoions and perspective. In other words both Gojo and Mahito have a tendency to be egocentric. 

Egocentric. 

thinking only of oneself, without regard for the feelings or desires of others; self-centered. 

2. The World Through Their Eyes

Mahito and Gojo are characters who appear childish and frivolous on the surface, but if you plunge their depths they have a deeper understanding of themselves and their desires than most ofther characters in the series. They might not get other people, but that’s not their priority either. In classic Jungian symbolism, shallow water belies greater depths. 

Gojo and Mahito are both extremely well thought characters, capable of immense amounts of self reflection. (Probably too much self reflection in Gojo’s case, he just loves looking at himself in the mirror a little too much how vain.) It not only shows in how much of themselves they have figured out but also their jujutsu. I think it’s safe to say that there is some resemblance between the infinity, and Mahito’s idle transifguration. Their Jujutsu makes them both privvy to the world that no one else can see. It’s unknown what Gojo can see with the six eyes exactly, but considering the limitless. 

You can infer that he’s capable of seeing much greater sensory perception than the normal person. Mahito doesn’t have the six eyes, but because his jujutsu is about altering the form of the soul, he has the unique ability to see the shape of the soul inside of the body.

Mahito can see through people’s bodies, and see down to their souls. However, his perceptiveness has caused him to give up on the idea that people have any individuality at all, that they have “hearts” you know like, thoughts and feelings and stuff. Which is why all humans are pretty much interchangable to him. Mahito can’t see life separate as him from having any particular value. 

Both of their cursed techniques create distance between themselves and others. Though in opposite ways. Gojo’s cursed technique is based around the idea that nothing can reach him, because it will always slow down in the infinite space between them. Mahito is able to completely change the shape of whatever he wants with one touch. 

However, at the same time this resembles how they both interact with other people. Mahito sees people as nothing more than toys to play with and experiment in developing his jujutsu technique on. He even is literally pictured in an official color illustration as destroying Junpei, Nobara, and Nanami as torn up dolls. They were just toys that he got bored with and threw away. 

Gojo can sometimes even share this tendency, not to mercilessly kill and slaughter of course not, but to be so far away from other people, and too busy perceiving the infinity that he can’t get caught up in ordinary lives. Remember, Mahito, Jogo and Hanami’s plan was to shake up Gojo with the sheer amount of people he would have to save in Shibuya, and it just... didn’t work. 

Gojo just isn’t that shaken up by the people he can’t save. He’s not Geto. He’s not Yuji. Of course he cares enough to try and minimize the damage, he could have just used unlimited domain to end the situation at the cost of everybody gathered, but he made a decision to try to balance between everybody’s lives, protecting his own, and exorcising the curses. 

Mahito and Gojo are both extremely distant from other people, but because of that they have a unique understanding of themlseves. Mahito’s domain expansion is called “Self Embodiment of Perfection.” When Gojo figures out reverse Jutsushiki he quotes the budha when he reached enlightenment. 

They are extremely isolated characters who have others plumbed the depths of themselves. Gojo’s goal is to be the best version of himself he can be, to push himself into being the strongest. Their individual will is so strong they want to impose it on the world around them. Gojo wants to reset the jujutsu world, Mahito wants a world of curses. 

They both encourage the other people around them to also think deeper about themselves, and how to evaluate themselves. Gojo tells Mahito to stop repressing himself for the sake of others. To try to be stronger individually instead of more of a team player. Instead of judging those around you, look inwardly. 

Mahito is furious that Yuji doesn’t evaluate himself, doesn’t think deeply about his own motivations. That’s what he criticizes Yuji for constantly, he doesn’t think for himself, he runs blindly into fights. Mahito calls their fight a clash of truth. Yuji has to know his own self, and know his belifs and know why his beliefs are better than Mahito’s if he wants to face him. 

Mahito and Gojo are both always looking inside of themselves, and that’s why their depths go much further than their seemingly shallow surface. If I were to make one last comparison between the two of them, I would say that the reason Mahito imitates Gojo is because his end goal is to become enlightened. What Mahito wants, is to be true to his nature, the truest embodiment of a curse in the series. He wants to reach an enlightenment like Gojo has where he has himself, his role in the world, completely and totally figured out. Where he embodies his own idealized sense of perfection. 

Which is why he imitates Gojo, the strongest. Though his is the opposite path, like a reflection of a mirror. If Gojo uses his power to be the model, the embodiment of a jujutsu sorcerer who exorcises curses to save human lives, then Mahito chooses to be the embodiment of a curse that plagues humans.

Mahito and Gojo both see through things, they can see what everybody else can’t, however they differ in how they use those perceptions. Gojo tethers himself to responsibility to other people, because he finds meaning in doing that, he thinks there’s a point in protecting and nurturing the weak because eventually he’ll be able to find strong comrades. Mahito however, believes in the opposite of camraderie. He can see through other people, so he acts like they’re not even there. Gojo is a character who while his tendency is to try do everything on his own, is currently waiting rescue from the strong comrades he focused so hard into training. While Mahito will most likely end up alone. 

[hawkinsschoolcounselor]

My friends and I occasionally play that made-up game called "Kerfuffle" - A bit like DnD but with everyday life tasks and not as nerdy (sadly :D). You pick a random politician, TV char., etc. and try to overcome some challenges in a way you assume they'd do it. Last time we played, I obv picked s.o. from ST - Joyce. That was when a random thought crossed my mind: If s.o. were to name each ST main character's greatest weakness/ strength, what would be the outcome? I immediately thought of you. :D

Ok, now that the election is over, and my anxiety has come back down to its usual “only a little high” status, it’s back to business here. This is an interesting question from my pal @sollody here. I’m not going to be able to go too much into depth given the breadth of the question here, but it’ll be a nice look at several characters. Perhaps this will result in requests for more in-depth looks at some of them individually. For the sake of having a defined meaning of “main character,” I am only going with characters who were in all three seasons and were directly involved in the action (sorry, Mr. Clarke). I will make an exception for Max, as she’s just too central to leave out.

The Party

Mike

Greatest Strength: Determination. Once he sets his mind on something, he does everything in his power to see that it happens. Do not try to come between Mike and his objective. God help you if you try to stop him when his objective involves Will or El.

Greatest Weakness: A lack of emotional intelligence. Mike reacts to his emotions as they come. There’s no apparent self-awareness, and this results in impulsive behavior that leads to negative outcomes for himself and his relationships. The feelings themselves aren’t the problem. Mike just doesn’t understand them enough to react appropriately.

Will

Greatest Strength: Quick thinking. I was tempted to mention his compassion, but really Will’s greatest asset is his mental acuity. Since season 1 he has shown an impressive capacity for quick thinking in stressful situations.

Greatest Weakness: Insecurity. Will has self-esteem issues resulting from not only the Upside Down situation, but also more mundane personal and family experiences. He worries about how people view him and fears that he’s being left behind. This leads to him keeping important things to himself, things nobody, especially a child, should be expected to deal with alone.

Lucas

Greatest Strength: Rationality. Lucas has generally been the member of the party with the most down-to-earth mindset. Regardless of all of the supernatural goings on, Lucas has tried to view things realistically. His approaches to the events of the series have typically been the most practical, skeptical, and grounded. Ironically, this actually does make him a good Winston, though I wouldn’t want to be the one to tell him this.

Greatest Weakness: Overconfidence. Lucas is very sure of himself, sometimes too much so, even when warned off by others. From being sure that El was trouble, to risking a beating from Billy, to thinking he’s some suave expert on women, Lucas has made trouble for himself and his friends. He doesn’t meant to, of course, and a lot of this may come from some desire to “be a man.” Lucas needs to learn to accept himself as he is.

Dustin

Greatest Strength: Curiosity. Dustin is always looking to learn more about anything and everything. Nothing is too weird or off-putting for him. His knowledge has come very much in handy for the Party, and this general attitude has led to him accepting the supernatural events in stride.

Greatest Weakness: Recklessness. Dustin, in his pursuit of satisfying his curiosity, or some other goal, can fail to see clearly obvious dangers. Find a strange creature? Raise it yourself. See a strange growth in the underground tunnels? Go get a closer look. Find out about a possible Russian base in the mall? Let’s go check it out! His goals are often admirable, but his approach is often foolish.

El

Greatest Strength: Adaptability. El has managed to escape a government facility, survive in the woods, and travel to unfamiliar locations despite her young age. While she has been somewhat dependent on her powers, she’s managed to accomplish some impressive feats for someone who hasn’t had anything close to resembling a normal upbringing.

Greatest Weakness: Ignorance. This isn’t the “you’re so ignorant!” meaning of the word. I mean it in the truest sense of the word: El just lacks a lot of information in life. Most critically, she’s emotionally and socially unaware. A lot of her schemas for relationships come from TV shows and what little she picked up from Mike in season 1. She’s gotten somewhat better as the seasons moved on, but there’s just a lot she doesn’t know. This had led to her being suspicious, angry, and possessive (specifically of Mike), harming her relationships with others.

Max

Greatest Strength: Acceptance. Max doesn’t unduly judge anyone. Her issues with Mike stemmed from his treatment of her. Aside from that, some light teasing aside, she was more than happy to accept the Party as her friends. She didn’t let Lucas’ race get in the way of their mutual attraction, despite knowing what Neil and Billy would think about it. She wanted to be El’s friend from the start, and, despite being harshly rebuffed at first, she accepted El when she sought Max out in season 3. It’s really a testament to how determined she is to not continue the cycle that Neil and Billy brought into her life.

Greatest Weakness: Family. Honestly, Max’s biggest drawback is her home life. She’s worried that she may end up going down the same angry, abusive road as Billy and Neil. She’s mistrustful, snarky, and blunt even when not worked up, behaviors she likely developed due to exposure to Billy and Neil. She also seems to still love Billy despite his abusive behavior. This sort of family dynamic can be very damaging (and it was probably just as harmful to Billy). Hopefully, Max’s found family serves to offset the harm done by her “real” family.

Older Teens

Nancy

Greatest Strength: Determination. It must be a family trait. Nancy is relentless, and she will get to the truth of the matter, one way or another. Nobody, and indeed no monster, will keep her from what she’s after.

Greatest Weakness: Egocentrism. Nancy can easily lose sight of how things impact those around her. Her desire to prove herself has left her somewhat blind to the difficulties other people face. She has trouble relating to people from other situations.

Jonathan

Greatest Strength: Compassion. Jonathan has sacrificed a great deal for his family, and he’s apparent done it without any noticeable resentment. His treatment of Will resembles the ideal that a lot of parents hope for in their kids (though in reality Mike/Nancy or Lucas/Erica is the more realistic outcome). Jonathan just wants those important to him to be happy.

Greatest Weakness: Social Awkwardness. Jonathan has a great deal of trouble interacting with other people. This likely stems from his family situation, as his father leaving left his family as pariahs of sorts, and it also left him having to be a sort of father figure when he should have been able to be a regular teenager.

Steve

Greatest Strength: Courage. Yes, Steve has been freaked out by everything, but that’s irrelevant. Courage isn’t the absence of fear, it’s the ability to feel fear and not let it control you. Steve has willingly put himself in harm’s way for the sake of others in all three seasons. The only thing that scares Steve too much to overcome is social judgment...

Greatest Weakness: Insecurity. Yes, our buddy, King Steve, has self-esteem issues. This is why he’s always trying to play himself off as a hotshot. He’s simply too afraid to just be himself. Sadly, it’s only when he lets this guard down that he’s at his best. He’s made some stride at overcoming this, and I’m hopeful that he continues this in season 4.

Adults

Joyce

Greatest Strength: Ferocity. Do I even need to explain this? Do NOT threaten Joyce’s loved ones, especially Will. Just don’t.

Greatest Weakness: Emotional Reactivity. When stress hits Joyce, she reacts hard. It’s perfectly normal, given the level of stress she feels, but it leaves her seeming “crazy” and makes it hard for others to understand what she’s trying to get across. As a result, her message, warning, etc. is lost and her credibility is damaged. In less serious occurrences, she instead just comes across as belligerent or annoying, even though she’s generally right about whatever she’s on about.

Hopper

Greatest Strength: Compassion. Hopper is at his best when he’s trying to protect others. Despite having worked to close himself off from the world after his personal trauma, Hopper still feels compassion. He probably never wanted to feel anything for anyone again (perhaps why he returned to a boring town like Hawkins), but when tragedy struck it brought out the best in him. Though, that brings us to his weakness...

Greatest Weakness: Insensitivity. Perhaps ironically, Hopper’s weakness is the complete opposite of his strength. Hopper is a man who runs hot and cold. Which version of him that you get depends on his mood. If you get his bad side, prepare for harsh words, and perhaps harsher fists. This may help him get the job done at times, but it harms his relationships. He has a tremendous fear of loss, which results in him lashing out fiercely at those he cares for if they do something to that risks him losing them.

Ok, that’s the best I could come up with. I’d love to read other people’s thoughts on the matter.

[ggukiepie]

learned to love - kth

pairing: taehyung x reader

summary: kim taehyung thought you were meant to stay in his life forever, but maybe you were just a lesson he needed to learn

genre: breakup!au, idolverse, angst, sfw

word count: 3,676

a/n: had this with me for quite a while now so why not post it right !! anyway, this was inspired by the song eight by iu and yoongi :--) enjoy !

---------

Taehyung tightens his grip, his hand on the steering wheel and the other out the window, feeling the breeze through his fingers as he drives by. He looks intently at the road in front of him, cars starting to blur as he drives fast. He’s trying to forget about what just happened, what he just did, but your face keeps popping in his head. He keeps remembering the knowing look you gave him, how tightly you wrapped your arms around him in an embrace, the soft touch of your lips against his. He also remembers your eyes tearing up, and then closing to look away from him. He’s not sure if he did the right thing.

He didn’t mean for this to happen. He didn’t mean for this to get too far, too ugly, too broken for saving. He just wanted to be happy and to live in the moment, but he realized not all moments are happy moments. The truth and reality sets in eventually, and Taehyung realized reality was not a pretty sight to see.

But still. Whether he did the right or wrong thing, he knows for a fact he does not regret a single thing at all. He does not regret anything with you—because feeling regret would release the monster inside and consume him whole and he did not want to live a life with no soul.

He remembers the first time he saw you. Well, it was the first time he actually saw you, but after meeting you he’s realized you both have crossed paths many times already. But he never truly noticed you until that day. You were an intern at the company, specifically under BTS, which meant you were in charge of fixing all their documents, preparing coffee for their meetings and whatnot. You were too shy to strike up a conversation with any of them—because who wouldn’t be? They were technically your bosses and you were just…well, an intern—so you always avoided eye contact whenever you were in the same room with any of them and you didn’t linger any longer than you had to. It wasn’t because they were stuck up, egocentric idols—because God, they were far from that. It was because you were just really shy and it wasn’t like you had anything to talk about in the first place. The most you have said to them before that day was, “Can you sign here, please?”

But that day, Taehyung remembers clearly, he was running late to the meeting when he saw you come out the kitchenette holding a tray full of snacks—and Taehyung knew the snacks were for him and the boys because they always requested those during meetings. He didn’t think, really, because all he did was walk up to you, murmured Let me help, and got the tray from you. You stood there, a bit dumbfounded, but managed a small smile at his kind gesture. Taehyung smiled right back, as if on impulse, and he realized your smile was infectious.

“This is for the meeting, I suppose?” he asked to which you nodded. You walked side by side in silence until you reached the conference room. Taehyung tried not to stare at you during the entirety of the meeting. You were seated in front, right beside the group’s lawyer. You were taking down notes, nodding your head to what your boss was saying. Sometimes you chewed the bottom of your lip as if you were deep in thought. Sometimes you would let out a little exhale.

Taehyung always became reserved towards people he did not know or had not known for a long time, but with you, he felt like he wanted to be your friend. He also felt like he was stupid because how could he feel that way towards someone he barely talked to?

That was the first time Taehyung actually noticed you and since then, he’s been trying his best to bump into you whenever he was at the company. But the legal department and artists’ area were practically at opposite ends of the building, so he always felt a little stupid and embarrassed to be caught in your side of the building because he knew he had nothing of importance to be there anyway.

But he justified that reason by telling himself it was important trying to see you, to talk to you, to get to know you. Call it cliché, if you will, but there was just something that drew him to you. Always.

So he found himself going to the company earlier than he should be, going there even though he didn’t have to at all. He found himself wandering to the legal department almost every day. Sometimes he saw you and sometimes he did not. But the times he did see you, he would always make it a point to walk up to you and strike a conversation. He would say the first thing that came to his head really, and most of the time it made you laugh, which made his heart soar, so he always made it a point to start off with a random topic.

Months passed and you knew a lot about each other already. But those months always consisted meetings and bump ins at the hallway. There were never actual hangouts, eating lunch together, or Taehyung walking you to your desk. He knew you were an intern and if your boss ever saw you and Taehyung hanging out and would think otherwise… He never wanted to put your job at risk. He never wanted to cross that line.

Until one day. Jimin had caught on Taehyung’s unusual newfound habit of wandering to the legal department “by mistake” or Jimin-ah, I’m walking around to find inspiration and I always end up here! Jimin caught on the long looks you gave each other, the small smiles you shared, or how you and Taehyung always entered the conference room at the same time, Taehyung always, always carrying the tray of snacks.

So Jimin devised a plan. It wasn’t a special plan to begin with—Jimin just planned that he would talk to your boss as a distraction while Taehyung would ask you out. Taehyung’s eyes nearly bugged out at the idea. It wasn’t that he never thought of asking you out—because he did, almost every time he talked to you, but the words would die on his lips. He was just never brave enough to do so, because he knew the repercussions, sad as it may seem. He knew it would be hard to work things out—firstly, you worked at the same place and people would see differently and think differently if they saw an intern dating an idol, in the same company she worked at. Secondly, your safety and privacy would be jeopardized if people ever found out. Taehyung knew there were always stalkers out there and your identity would be out on the internet the second they’d know. Taehyung’s used to the hate and criticisms now but maybe you might not be able to handle it, should people ever find out. Taehyung’s thought about all this, he’s thought so far ahead that Jimin had to slap some sense into him.

“It’s just one date, Tae,” Jimin would always find himself saying. “One date won’t hurt, right?”

“But—”

“Taehyung-ah, stop it with your excuses! Stop being so scared and thinking about the what ifs,” Jimin started to say. Taehyung knows the speech that’s coming, has it almost memorized per word, but now does he truly realize the weight of what Jimin’s words mean. “You just have to live life, you know? Start living in the moment and stop fearing the future. Go out and experience things, for once! Fall in love, get drunk, get your heart broken, break some hearts… You won’t actually know what’s out there if you don’t take that step. Step out of your comfort zone, Taehyung. Nothing ever grows in comfort zones.”

Taehyung doesn’t know why Jimin always ends up talking about comfort zones, but he knows his friend has a point. Also, meeting you and getting to know you made Taehyung want to experience those things, things that spoke of normalcy but were alien to him given the kind of life he lived—he wanted to fall in love, he wanted to feel those butterflies everyone talked about during a first date, he wanted to feel nervous to hold someone’s hand, to kiss someone, he wanted to celebrate anniversaries and holidays with someone. And somehow, after all his thinking, he always pictured that someone being you. Taehyung wanted to experience and live life with you, and asking you out for one date wouldn’t hurt, right?

While Jimin started talking to your boss, conveniently standing in front of him to block his view from your desk, Taehyung walked to where you were sitting. You look up startled, of course, because you and Taehyung never talked in your work area. It was always in the halls, in the elevator, anywhere that seemed like a secret and not something planned, when actually it was always planned.

“Do you want to have dinner with me?” he asked in a rush. Taehyung kept looking at your boss’ desk which made you look too. You saw Jimin talking to him then looked back at Taehyung staring intently at you, and somehow you knew what they were trying to do. This made you smile of course, but there was a tiny voice at the back of your head saying this was a bad idea. But even if it was, what could one bad idea do, right?

“Sure,” you found yourself saying almost right away. You had been waiting for this moment of course. When you and Taehyung would cross the line.

In all honesty, Taehyung wasn’t expecting you to say yes right away. Hell, he wasn’t expecting you to say yes at all. But here you were, smile wide on your face and looking up at him. He was ready to explain why one date wouldn’t hurt, why if you declined, that it would be okay, that Taehyung was ready to apologize for crossing the line. But you said yes, and now he was at a loss for words.

“Well?” you giggled at his silence.

At that moment Taehyung swore he knew at least three words, but now, none were coming back. It was only then did you touch his hand that he snapped back to reality.

“That’s… That’s great. Wow,” he breathed out and brushed his hair back. “I wasn’t expecting you to say yes right away.” You laughed and Taehyung felt his heart soar again. In that moment he knew it was his new favorite sound and that he wanted to hear it every day of his life. “Does tomorrow sound good?”

“Yeah, tomorrow would be great,” you replied with a smile.

The date entailed a late-night dinner at the rooftop of the company building. Taehyung made sure your boss and most of the staff had gone home for the day, save for the boys who practiced late at night and their manager who stayed as long as they did.

It was nothing special, really—the rooftop was empty and well-lit so it was just a simple dining set up with that dinner that consisted of take-out from your favorite restaurant (which Taehyung found out the third time he “bumped” into you). He had to convince his manager to help him set up everything and he was glad enough that he didn’t ask Taehyung any questions about it.

The moment you both sat down was when Taehyung realized that his feelings for you were actually real and not just some made-up infatuation a high school student would get. It wasn’t just some crush because God—you were far from being just his crush. You were something more to him, something a single word couldn’t accurately describe. Taehyung just knew in his heart you would be important to him some day. Not now, of course, that you guys were just still getting to know each other and learning to trust one another, but in the future. He knew you would be in his life forever. And that made him smile.

He drove you home that night and walked you to your apartment, mostly because he didn’t want you to walk alone at night and partly that he didn’t want to say goodbye just yet. He remembered asking if he could kiss you. He remembered the way you smiled and nodded your head. He remembered the feel of his lips on yours, your fingers playing with the ends of his hair, his hands tightening around your waist. He remembered his heart clenching and soaring, doing flips and other things he couldn’t explain. He remembered feeling everything and nothing at once.

More late-night dates came after that. It was always late at night and always at the company building during the early stage of your relationship. You weren’t complaining of course because you understood the circumstances that surrounded your relationship with Taehyung. And Taehyung knew that you understood, but sometimes you could see the worry etched on his face whenever you would go to the rooftop for dinner, or hangout in his studio for drinks because you knew Taehyung wanted to do more with you. Wanted to do normal things with you.

But the secrecy and hiding around… God, was it hard.

Only Jimin knew what was going on between you both. He saw the way you both pointedly ignored each other during meetings, how Taehyung would give you a strained smile when all he wanted to do was kiss your lips. It was hard on your part trying to maintain an almost non-existent relationship with Taehyung in public. It was equally hard for him, too.

Sometimes Taehyung would think if he did the wrong thing asking you out. If your relationship was wrong. If it was a bad idea. He’d tell you of course and you’d always jokingly say, “One bad idea couldn’t hurt, right?”

But bad ideas became a thing in your relationship. Sometimes that bad idea was having a late-night picnic in a park without telling his manager when he’s always supposed to tell their manager of their whereabouts. Sometimes it would be Taehyung coming to a photoshoot late because last night the both of you were hanging out at your apartment and barely got any sleep because all you did was talk and kiss and laugh and be in love. Sometimes it would always be taking a train to the outskirts of the city, whenever Taehyung had a day off and you didn’t have work or school. During those moments he didn’t care if people would recognize him. All that mattered to him was you and that you were happy, and that you were happy with him. And sometimes, that bad idea would be skipping an early morning meeting with the music team because your most recent fight with him kept him up all night. Sometimes the bad ideas would be sermons from his manager, your boss scolding you for not paying attention, or Namjoon getting mad at Taehyung for being late and missing practice all the time. To Taehyung, it didn’t matter much because this is what living life felt like, right? Falling in love and making mistakes and saying yes to bad decisions. Being reckless. And then making things right. Taehyung just wanted to experience that with all of you.

It went on for a year and a half. The both of you have matured since then—less of saying yes to bad ideas and more of going to practice on time and attending meetings fully prepared. Taehyung couldn’t deny that you’ve become one of the most important people in his life. By then, you were already close to his family as he was to yours. The other members already knew about your relationship and it made Taehyung even happier that they’ve accepted you into their little circle.

But as time went by, Taehyung realized something was always missing. There was just something out of place, or something not working the way it should be. Just a minor nuisance, but something he couldn’t exactly pinpoint, which frustrated him to a great end. There was a shift in your relationship, but he didn’t realize what that shift was until one day.

You were smiling less, talking less, laughing less. What had become Taehyung’s most favorite sound in the world was now some sort of a distant memory. Taehyung had changed too. He was making less of an effort at work, putting less meaning into his performances and music. He was smiling less, too, and he didn’t know why. He didn’t know what changed between the both of you. Your relationship was great, close to perfect, so why did it feel like it was crumbling now?

Taehyung couldn’t tell the exact moment things shifted. But he found himself happy when you both weren’t fighting and he found himself in a bad mood when you were. And this would carry on for the whole day or until things were right again between you two. The members noticed this as well—that Taehyung’s mood always depended on yours.

Maybe it was because of that, Taehyung thought—that you depended on each other so much. Or that your bad ideas actually became bad ideas—that his world entirely revolved around you when it should include the other important aspects in his life like his career, family, and friends. Or how you would drop your studies to hang out with Taehyung whenever he had a day off. The two of you seemed to revel in each other’s love entirely which in the end, wasn’t healthy at all. It brought out all your bad habits and bad sides and it was just bad, bad, bad.

Taehyung did not expect things would go this far. He always told himself, BTS over anything, BTS over everything. But then you came along, caught his heart with just your laugh, and he knew he was a goner.

Taehyung tried to fix things, of course he would. He didn’t want to lose you at all. You tried to fix your relationship as well, but you always found yourself at the same place after talking things out.

Taehyung knew he had to make a decision before things went too bad. His career was on the line. Your career and studies were on the line. You were too caught up in each other that you were starting to forget about what really mattered. Maybe this was how first loves always turned out? Taehyung always wondered that maybe you were just the person he needed at that time in his life, and he was the same person you needed too. Taehyung wondered that maybe you were just the right person that came at the wrong time, or the wrong person at the right time? But Taehyung thought you were the right person, and he knew it was never the wrong time with the right person.

But things were starting to get ugly.

You were already living together that day. It used to feel like home to Taehyung, but when he stepped in that day it did not feel like home at all. It felt cold and different. Earlier that day he’d been practicing what to tell you and he was just about to say his speech when he saw you walk in the living room. He knew by the look on your face that you knew as well. He forgot most of what he practiced in his head, but he said all the important parts. That maybe you were just the person he needed during that time in his life, that maybe you were just some lesson, some experience he needed to live life. Some first love he needed to get over, some heartbreak to go through. You weren’t teenagers in love but adults that needed to start making mature decisions and not saying yes to bad ideas all the time.

You keep nodding through it all and when Taehyung was done talking, you said your sentiments as well. You felt the same way, thought the same thoughts—that maybe you just needed Taehyung at that point in your life to actually live life and experience things. Maybe he was just a lesson to you as well.

So the two of you said your goodbyes with tears rolling down your cheeks. Taehyung silently cried as he helped you pack your things. He cried as he loaded your belongings in your car. He cried as he kissed you goodbye for the last time, said I love you for the last time, hugged you for the last time. He cried as he watched you get in your car and drive off.

He stopped crying, though, once he got in his own car and started driving.

Which brings him back to the present, head now clear and cheeks dried from the tears earlier. Taehyung keeps thinking on what you two had, on what you two shared. He’d like to think you are the love of his life, as you are his. But in the end, it didn’t turn out that way. Taehyung thought you were meant to stay in his life forever, but maybe you were just a lesson he needed to learn. To learn what? To learn how to live life, how to love, how to put others before himself, the list went on. He’s learned so much from you, honestly, that he doesn’t regret what you two shared. Maybe his soulmate is out there and maybe he’ll meet that person someday. Maybe you’ll cross paths again, when things are right. Taehyung’s not sure about a lot of things right now—just a bunch of maybes and what ifs. But what Taehyung knows for sure amidst all the maybes—that you’ll always hold a special place in his heart.

[funkymbtifiction]

Hello!

I’m curious, do you have a list of your own celebrity typings/analyses for MBTI and enneagram? I read your Shirley Temple one recently and thoroughly enjoyed it. I get of course this is a fictional character blog and celebrities always have carefully curated images that defy accurate typing, but still… any ones you’ve recently been pondering?

On and off, I will think about a celebrity because I’ve read their biography or seen a lot of them, but I tend to read a lot more classic actor biographies than modern ones since I’m more interested in the inner-workings of ‘old Hollywood’ than new, so most of my opinion typings are based on people’s memoirs.

Here’s a few that I know about / have thoughts on:

Shirley Temple - ESTP and probably 9w8 (as explained in her post)

Maureen O’Hara - ESTJ cp6w7 (initially, she showed so much ‘gumption’ and ‘take as good as she gives’ in dealing with John Wayne and John Ford that I thought she was an 8, but it baffled me how passive she could become when she was out of her depth, especially in areas of romantic entanglement; one guy married her almost against her will, because she didn’t know how to stop it, and she became absolutely terrified by Ford’s increasingly controlling, erratic behavior off set, including him just randomly coming to her house and going through her things; cognitively, she had a strong, fierce Te-dom work ethic, a lot of insecurity about her personal feelings, and a strong family focus; a lot of her 6 fears were tied to the power Ford had to keep her / her siblings from working in Hollywood if they did anything he did not like, so she was very Te-ish money-motivated; her main beef with Walt Disney was him violating her contract, which she was offended about on a Te/Fi “this is not what we agreed and signed on” level)

Joan Crawford - ESFJ sx/so 2w3 (this woman… was mentally imbalanced and had a host of disorders, but ultimately was so desperate for love, she would take it wherever she could find it, including seducing half the cast and developing an unhealthy Fe-dom need to rigidly ‘control’ her environment; she would descend into hysterics to get her own way, but underneath was desperately vain and lonely – I found it incredibly sad that she quit public life altogether after she got older and saw a photograph of herself in a newspaper “Is that what I look like?” she asked in hororr. “Well, no one will ever see me again” – and they didn’t.)

Bette Davis - ISTP 8w9 / 835 (it makes sense that the ‘scariest woman in Hollywood’ would be an 8, right? She intimidated Olivia de Havilland so much when they were young, Olivia was scared of her until she realized Bette’s bluntness wasn’t an insult, just who she was, then they became great friends. Bette was always somewhat envious of Joan’s beauty, but far more willing to demean herself just to work – she took the roles nobody else wanted. She was egocentric but adaptable on screen, in an 8-3 way. She was also very carnal and earthy and resented ‘holding back on that’ for a long time. She also went out of her way to deliberately irritate people she disliked, in a low Fe way.)

Frank Langella - ESFP sx-dom 2w3 2-7-? (this man… is so sexy on screen, yet his desperate desire for affection, sexual desire, and attention bleeds through in his blunt, rather socially inappropriate memoirs – he is raw and honest as only an sx-dom can be, about his endless short-lived affairs on set, his competitive need to be seen as the best, his tendency to follow his sensory impulses, and his scathing criticisms of other people / actors. Given his total lack of awareness in how ‘he comes across’ in them… I am guessing soc-blind. Now he’s old, he’s struggling enormously with not being sexually desirable anymore. :/)

One more modern celebrity – Jeff Goldblum is the poster child for an ENTP 9. Abstract, takes delight in random small Si things (like his show on Disney+ where he shows you how to make ice cream and the origins of various things) with a blithe, good-natured ‘anything goes’ 9 core quality of rambling gentleness.

If I think of any more, I’ll add them.

- ENFP Mod

[bloodangelnikki]

Diner Days: Of Eve and Adam

They sat across from each other in a boring diner. He was staring at his phone debating on what to text his friend. She was glazing off to the distant wall as she tapped her mug. They were lovers in a way. Not currently dating, but not unattached to the other. 

Soulmates that kept missing the chance to be properly together. ‘Soulmates’ That’s how she would define them, but would he call her that? Would he call her his soulmate? Possibly. 

“You know...” She mused as her eyes caught sight of a cross. “I use to think it was silly, egocentric that story about how Adam and Eve died.”

“Hm,” his eyes picked up. “What?”

“You know that story about how Adam died and Eve, overcome with grief, screamed and bat her chest for God to take her too. Begging God to take her... and He did. God took her life because she couldn’t live without Adam. I use to judge her for that.” She turned up her nose.

“I guess it’s pretty demeaning. Even in death she’s an object that exists only for him.” He thought it over.

“No,” she shook her head. “I mean possibly. I don’t know. I meant more on...” She rolled her back and leaned in. “Like, okay. So, when I was like 12 I had been burnt out by love. Like, true love and marriage were broken ideas for me.”

He could understand that. While he had never questioned much of her background, she had always been deeply emotionally honest with him and with everyone she met. It was her way of staying emotionally attached but distant at the same time. Her parents many failed marriages and one of them giving up on her had turned her into an interesting person. One that both deeply believed in the ideals of love but also treated love with high criticism and spite. 

“And than I read this cuz, ya know, catholic girl in catholic school, you end up reading parts of the bible. And I was just... like...” Her left hand grabbed the air and swirled as she tried to pick out words to finish her thought. “Just, like... how? How? How can anyone love someone that much? So, much that they can’t live without the other. They need to die in that moment because is no future without the other.” 

She pulled back and looked at him. He furred his brows. He could see that she had more to say but he didn’t know really were this was going. 

“And you’re still struggling with that idea?” He reasoned from her past. “Wondering if someone could love you that much or not?”

“No, no, not at all.” She chuckled with a laugh. “I’m not struggling with it. If no one cares that much... than no one cares that much.” She crossed her arms with indifference. 

It was painful for him to hear that. He had never thought of her dying before, not really. He knew her struggles with depression. He knew that she had moments of self harm, but he knew personally that didn’t equal going to die. He knew she would die one day, but never in his days of living would he accept the thought of it happening. 

Emotionally distant but physically affectionate. Reserved around family, friends, and also towards the only person that really mattered in his life. He’d die if it meant erasing all her unhappiness in life. The fact that he was here meant he thought the world of her. He wasn’t the type to just spend his time with just anyone. 

“My struggle... is that... you could love someone that much... that,” she uncrossed her arms and pulled at her face. “How can you love someone so much that the mere thought of them no longer in it... is just unthinkable, unlivable?”

“I don’t know.” He never thought about her dying before. He didn’t want to try. 

Right.” It sounded like a question but was in fact a statement. Of course, she reflected. Of course, he didn’t know. She understood Eve better after meeting the man across from her. She felt like her whole spirit would leave her if he died. Her true death would be if he died even if he felt her in the world of the living, even if he didn’t love her the same. “Right, I struggle with that idea. Of loving someone that much, of having a soulmate and knowing that they’re gone...” and knowing that they won’t miss you when your gone... “and I just... I think of Eve a lot and her death. I get it and I don’t. I understand but I hate her for it...”

“You okay?”

“No, not really.” She finally rested her head in the palm of her hand. “But anyway, I think I want cake. Will you eat half if I order?”

“I’ll have a bite.”

“A bite or more than a bite? Like half?”

“Just order the cake.”

“But I don’t want to eat it all and I don’t want to be wasteful.” She pouted. 

“But you want the cake. So, order it.”

“Well, are you going to eat half?”

“I’ll take a bite.” 

She turned her nose up with a fake scowl. “You’re impossible.” 

-Nikki H.

[morethanithoughtofficialblog]

Chapter 6: Welp, it surprisingly succeeded

In which not only you have hope.

*Toriel's POV*

I haven't felt this happy in such a long time. (Y/N), a sweet and wonderful young lady, has made our wildest dreams come true. Now she's our ambassador, and she'll continue fighting for us. She is just that wonderful! I couldn't be more grateful!

Asgore and I started to walk back to the house, talking happily about our plans for the future. Such a happy event even made me forget all my problems with my husband. It's just a miracle!

However, when we arrived... the mood completely changed. The owner's daughter looked like she was about to cry, the owners themselves looked uncomfortable, and everyone else was silent.

And Sans was missing.

"Oh my... what happened in here?" I asked, calm as I could.

"Mrs. Dreemurr..." Surprisingly, Emily was the one who answered. I didn't interrupt her, indicating she could continue. And she shyly did. "They had a fight. Alphys started to speak negatively, and Frisk shouted at her. Then, Undyne intervened and fight back. Papyrus tried to help, though, but he failed, receiving a hard push from Undyne..."

I was surprised, especially by my daughter's behavior. Just when I was about to open my mouth, Emily continued.

"...then Sans lose it. He screamed at Undyne, then he punched her. Then, for some reason, he punched Dr. Gaster as well..." She started to weep, and I was in shock.

I never saw Sans hitting someone. And even less his own father. Do I know my friend as I thought I did?

I was about to scold my child when I was interrupted. Emily gasped for air, the continued.

"Sans apologized. I know he didn't mean it. He was just angry that Papy got hurt..." she took a pause to stand straightly, and then spoke with more security. "He thanked me for everything, saying that it was good while it lasted. Then he teleported, and... he cried."

I saw how everyone's reaction was the same as mine's: shocked eyes full of guilt. I felt guilty of thinking less of him from hitting his father, but know that I remember, Gaster has never been the best with his sons. He may have done something.

Also, to hear that my favorite comedian was crying, I couldn't just take it easy.  

But, instead of guilt, I saw something else on Papyrus's pupils...

And then I realized it was fear.

"SANS! WHERE ARE YOU?!" he shouted while he rushed upstairs, worry taking over him. This shocked us even more. Because yes, you may worry if a close one is crying, but there's nothing to be afraid of.

Unless...

No. It can't be.

Sans is just too cheerful for that- it couldn't possibly be.

A few minutes after, for everyone's surprise, Sans walked downstairs. He immediately went to the couch, something he normally does. But I noticed something besides he was lazy...

He was tired.

Really tired.

"My friend- Sans" I spoke, more worryingly than I thought I would "Are you feeling better?"

"yes, tori. don't worry 'bout me, k?"

I sighed in relief, noting he used his usual expressions. That's the Sans I know.

Before I could answer, Asgore decided to say the news. I would have disagreed, but I realized this could lighten the mood a bit more.

"Listen up, everyone..." he made his way through the center, all eyes on him. I smiled "We made it"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Sans's POV*

I walked downstairs with Papyrus at my side, feeling like the scum of the Earth. Then I realized that the kings have arrived.

I'm not ready to hear the truth.

I immediately went to the couch so I could feel safer. This was my plan: whenever they finally spit it out, I would hide on the couch so I can't hear everyone's sobs. My hoodie would also help.

This plan always worked on my house- why it wouldn't in here?

I suddenly feel tired.

Like, really tired.

Oh boy.

"My friend- Sans" Tori said worryingly, making me turn towards her. "Are you feeling better?"

How did she- shit. They told her.

Don't let her know more, Sans.

"yes, tori. don't worry 'bout me, k?"

She sighed in relief, making me relaxed. She won't ask anymore. And I'll be safe...

for now.

Suddenly, the king made his way to the center, catching everyone's attention. Tori smiled, and I frowned.

What?

"Listen, everyone..." he firmly said, making me suspicious. "We made it"

...

WHAT THE-

If I had a drink, I would have surely spit it out by now.

We all stared in shock until Paps broke the silence.

"OH MY GOD! SANS! WE DID IT!!!!!" he exclaimed happily, while he held me in the air. Then the realization hit everyone and they started to celebrate. Even Emily and her parents.

"OH YESSSS BABYYYY!" Mettaton shouted excitedly, stretching his legs 'glamorously'. Ew.

Everyone was clapping and jumping, shouting and forgetting the fight we had. Even Gaster was smiling, for God's sake!

But who...

Wait, did (Y/N)... Oh lord, God bless her.

And at that moment, I swear, I was happy. Truly happy.

The impossible turned out to be possible. Then, by any chance, maybe I will be happy in the future. Maybe I will change. Maybe.

But now the 'maybe' doesn't seem too far.

Now I'm filled with HOPE.

Since it was dark outside and we were tired, we didn't make a party. I mean, for today.

So we all went to sleep. And with all, I mean everyone.

Even me.

Not before calling (Y/N) in the bathroom, of course... the guys are just too annoying if, well, a boy talks with a girl their age. And she's probably on her twenties, so... yeah.

I dialed her number and had an anxiety attack on the bathtub. What was I even supposed to tell her?! I'm such a fucking idiot.

"Hello?" she answered kindly, and a little bit startled I think. "This is (Y/N) (L/N). How can I help you?"

Oh, she doesn't have my ID? I would feel offended, but hey, I'm a freak. Not even I would save my ID.

"uh, eh... hi (y/n). it's me, eh, sans. y' know, sans the-"

"Oh! Hi Sans!" she interrupted me, with a slight new hint of confidence in her voice. "I'm sorry, I didn't look at the ID when I picked up the cellphone. The sound startled me so much I just immediately answered. I apologize..."

Oh, so she does have my ID? Weird.

"Anyways, is there something you want to tell me, Sans?"

Oh, right. I almost forgot why I was calling her. I mentally facepalmed myself, then almost slammed my head on the bathtub before reconsidering it. I decided not to do it, though. Last time it happened it hurt like fucking hell.

"i, uh... just wanted to thank you for everything, kid" Kid? Dude, what the- "i mean, (y/n). the kings just gave us the good news and... i thought i should thank you for all your effort and disposition. no one else had the courage to do it, so... yeah... thank you"

There was an odd silence after that.

Oh lord, did I just screwed up?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Your POV*

Sans was thanking me for what I did...

Sans.

Sans.

I stood there in shock, unsure of what I should tell him. I've never seen this side of him. He normally just jokes around me and kink-shames way more than anyone else has ever done. And now, he is sincerely thanking me for everything.

...

Wow.

Is this a plan of Papyrus?

"I, uh... it's really nothing Sans. I did my best, and I'm glad it turned out well"

"i heard that you are our ambassador now. is that true?"

Oh shit, he's right. I'm the ambassador, therefore, I might see this dude again...

...

Just don't say anything stupid.

"Oh yes! That's true! I'll be helping you guys more in the future. Especially for... discriminatory causes" I let out a sigh, not wanting to scare him. But, again, he is most likely an adult. He needs to know, sooner or later. And the sooner, the better. "You see, we humans may be quite... egocentric. Most of humanity does things for their own benefit, without caring about the others. And some people may try to hurt you, just because you are different. Not in rights nor in feelings, Sans. Just in looks... and in souls I suppose"

"yeah... we may be different than you guys..." He took a long pause, and I was trying to think of something to say, but it would be rude to interrupt him... again. After a few moments, though, he spoke:

"that doesn't mean we can't be friends, right? eh, i mean, you are pretty cool, and my brother would love to see you again, so... yeah. i know you're different than them, which is why they have criticized you, but still... we are different species. would you be ok with being friends with different people?"

"Of course I'll be okay with it, Sans! Monster or human, a friend is still a friend!"

Wait, did he just said something about me being criticized? There's no way he could have known...

"But what do you mean about me being criticized, Sans?"

"i'm not stupid, (y/n). i recognize disapproval looks anywhere. i may have listened to some comments as well..."

Of course, that sneaky skeleton.

"and that's why i'm mostly asking you, anyway. are you sure you want to keep up with this crap?"

Am I? People have been looking at me quite different these days. I lost touch with some work partners, even. But...

How am I supposed to give up a friendship? And more, if it is with Papyrus? He's just really sweet and charming, one of the best people I've ever met. Even if he may be a kid, he is just wonderful. If the price I need to pay is to get all those looks forever, then I'll pay for it. I have gained worse things, anyway.

"I'm sure, Sans. It's not like I haven't endured worse things. I can take it. And, besides, it will be worth it"

"...ok. just be careful, tho. there's a dangerous world outside"

"You don't say"

[softyn]

Ethereal | Lee Donghyuk

Requested by anon: Could you do a haechan angst where he pretends to hate you because he doesn’t know how to express his feelings but one day he takes it too far and you leave and end up getting in an accident and he finds out and it ends in fluff??? Your a great writer 💞💞

Words: +1.7K

Genre: angst to fluff + Enemies to lovers! Au

Warnings: Haechan being really rude, some bad words and a minor accident.

A/n: Okaaay so,,,,, I don’t know how to feel about this lmao, I hope you like it!!!!

-Mai.

✿.｡.: .:｡✿

“Hey y/n, wanna come to the dorms?” Your best friend, Renjun, asked.

You knew him since he was 5, in kindergarten, thanks to a book about dinosaurs you had, he, as passionate towards the dinosaurs as you were, began to talk to you and from that day you are inseparable.

You did everything together, both the good and the bad.

Your name was always followed by his, and his name was always followed by yours.

When he told you that he passed the auditions of SM, you felt really scared, you were afraid that he would be closer to his group than you and forget you, but that didn’t happen, when he debuted, quickly, he introduced you to the rest of the members and since you got along with all of them, he usually invited you to the dorms.

“Haechan won’t be there.” He said.

Except for Haechan, for some reason he seemed to hate you and you didn’t know why.

At first, his words and actions really affected you since you had a slight crush on him but the most you tried to make him see that you wasn’t that bad, the worse he treated you, so you ended up hating him too.

“I don’t mind if your friend is there, you know that I don’t pay attention to him.” You said.

“So.. you are coming? He asked.

“Yeah, why not?”

✿.｡.: .:｡✿

You laughed loudly at Chenle’s joke, almost crying.

“Hey guys! You won’t believe what Haechan has just told me!” Mark shouted, entering in the dorms with a big smile that faded when he saw you sitting in the armrest, next to the rest of the boys.

Haechan entered after Mark, and when he saw you, he huffed, making you roll your eyes.

Mark looked at Haechan with the corner of his eyes, and then, he looked at you again.

“Hey y/n! It’s been a while since the last time I saw you!” He greeted and hugged you.

You hugged him back, smiling at Haechan, who made a disgust face and rolled his eyes. “It has been! How are you?” You asked.

“Oh, really tired and busy, you know, the usual.” He said and you giggled.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you tell me that you work with batteries.” You joked and they all laughed, except for Haechan.

“Tsk.” He muttered and went to his room.

“What’s wrong with him?” You asked.

The boys, who were looking at the direction where Haechan disappeared, shrugged their shoulders. No one really knew why Haechan hated you that much even though they asked him millions times.

The rest of the day just went as usual, you tried to spent a good time with the dreamies but Haechan’s voice was always there, criticizing every single thing you did and say.

✿.｡.: .:｡✿

“Renjun, are you that it’s okay if I go to your dance practise? I not that close with your hyungs.” You said, after he invited you to come to see them practising.

“Don’t worry, you will love them, they are all really nice.” He answered.

You nodded, still not too convinced.

"Believe me, you will love them, Lucas hyung is really loud and funny, you will laugh a lot, and Winwin hyung is really nice too, you will get along with him really quick." He said.

You entered in the practise room, and soon, 20 pairs of eyes were looking at the both of you.

"What are you doing here?" Haechan complained.

You looked at him with disgust. "I came here just to see my friends, not you, so please, ignore me, thanks." You said.

"Your friends?" He laughed. "Sweetheart, no one can stand you." He said.

"The fact that you hate me does not mean that everyone does it, egocentric." You fight back.

"You are ALWAYS at our dorms, being loud and annoying as fuck, don't make me laugh, we just want to rest and we can't because the little princess is bored and needs to have the attention of all the boys, of course they hate you, you don’t let us live our lives." He spatted.

You were taken aback by his words, he never talked you like that, he always called you annoying and things like that, but he never took his words this far.

You looked at the rest of the boys, some of them were whispering between them, since they didn’t know you, some other looked at you with sadness and others didn’t even dare to look at you.

You started to blush because of embarrassment and started to stutter.

You couldn’t face any of the boys so look at your feet was a good option. You really thought that they didn’t mind having you there, but you guess you were wrong.

“Y/n-” Renjun finally talked, but you interrupted him.

“I told you that it wasn’t a good idea Renjun.” You whispered and left the room.

While you left the building, you could hear Renjun yelling at Haechan.

Of course Renjun was the only one who was okay with having you around, you should have thought about that before.

You were so immersed in your own thoughts that, when you walked through the crosswalk, you did not notice the car approaching at high speed towards you.

“Y/N!” You heard Renjun’s voice shout.

You looked up and two spotlights dazzled you, and soon, everything went black.

✿.｡.: .:｡✿

You opened your eyes but a white light dazzled you, making you close your eyes again.

But suddenly, all the memories hit your head.

It was all blurred, but you remembered that after being hit by the car, a lot of people started to scream and call for the ambulance, you couldn’t move no matter how hard you tried, until you started to feel really sleepy.

“Y/N! OH MY GOD Y/N!” Renjun ran to you and hugged you. “Please don’t close your eyes, stay with me.” He cried.

“I just want to sleep Renjun.” You said, your voice cracking.

“You can go to sleep later, but you have to stay with me now, okay? We still have to go to watch that movie you wanted to.” He said.

“My head really hurts, please Renjun, let me go to sleep, please, please.” You started to cry.

“I know buddy, I know that you are sleepy, but you can’t go to sleep now, okay? You have a little wound in your head, but it’s nothing that a band aid can’t do.” He lied. 

The wound wasn’t little at all, he knew that you would need stitches, but of course, he wouldn’t say that.

Johnny joined Renjun, they tried his best to don’t let you fall asleep, you could not lose consciousness.

Suddenly, you started to hear a loud sob and soon, Haechan appeared in your blurred vision.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He whispered while he cried, kneeling by your side.

He tried to touch you but you moved away with the few strengths that you had left.

Haechan started to cry louder, he couldn’t believe what his eyes were seeing, your cheerful and loud usual was nothing like that now, your clothes were all scratched and dirty, you had a really ugly wound in your forehead and your leg didn’t look too good either.

And it was all his fault.

He knew that you were someone ethereal, but he still, decided to break you with his words.

He tried to talk to you again, but he noticed that you finally fell asleep despite Johnny's continuous shaking and Renjun's screams.

You opened your eyes again, trying to evade all the previous events.

You scanned the room, it was really clean and bright, with the typical smell of hospital.

“Y-Y/n?” The boy, who was at your side, surprised, said when he saw you opened your eyes.

He started to cry again, relieved that you finally were awake.

He took your hand, in show of affection and you let him hold it.

“Where’s Renjun?” You asked.

“Please, let me stay, when the nurse said that only one person could stay with you, we almost rip each other’s neck until I finally could stay with you.”

“And why did you want to stay with me? I thought that you hated me.” You said..

“I wanted to say sorry-”

“You weren’t the one who hit me.” You sad.

“No, I’m sorry for everything I’ve done, for how I treated and all the things I told you before the accident, they weren’t true.” He said.

“Wow, I had to be hit by a car for you to realize what an asshole are you?” You said with irony.

“Please, forgive me.” He said.

You stayed in silence, you did not blame him for the accident, of course, but his words really hurt you, since the first til the last, even if you acted like you didn’t mind them.

“Any of the things I told you were true, I-I, I don’t even know wh-why I acted like that.” He explained.

You decided to stay in silence, hearing all what he had to say.

“I don’t even hate you, Gosh, it's the opposite.” He said and you frowned your eyebrows.

“What?” You asked.

“The truth is that I actually like you since the first day I saw you but I needed to get rid of these feelings so I started to act cold and distant, and when I realized that it wasn’t working, I already was treating you like shit and I couldn’t stop it.” He explained.

Your mouth was wide open, trying to process all what he said.

“I know, it was stupid of me.” He said.

“Stupid? Donghyuk why the fuck did you do that?” You asked.

“I don’t know I... I am stupid, I don’t have any excuse.” He said.

You shook your head in disbelief, feeling a bit angry about the fact that he treated you like shit just because he didn’t know how to express his feelings.

“So please, forgive me, please, please.” He begged.

“Okay, I forgive you, but that doesn’t mean that we are best friends now, you really made me fell bad, even if I acted like you didn’t have an effect over me.

He smiles slightly and nodded, understanding your decision.

He sat in the chair next to your bed and hold your hand again.

“How about if I take you out to eat when you leave the hospital? To compensate for everything I have done.” He said.

“Just as friends, of course.” He added with a smile.

“Yeah, as friends.” You smiled with a little smile.

// Masterlist //

[asphaltapostle]

What I have long predicted is now coming to pass: Google believes it should assume control.

Out of all the technology companies that have made my knees knock and my voice hoarse and my [Tweets manic](https://twitter.com/search?f=tweets&q="google" %40ficklecrux&src=typd) as a technoheretic in the past several years, Jumbo Google would easily take home the winning trophy for Dystopian of the Millennium. I have been rehearsing an especially dear pet prophecy of mine, unsolicited, to family, friends, and podcast guests since 2011 in which I end up arguing quite convincingly that Google is a dead ringer for the 16th-century Vatican: an inherently self-isolating organization with an absolute monopoly yielding gargantuan levels of essentially passive income from a service which nearly everybody transacts with, but only Google understands (and is therefore assumed to be its only possible provider,) which inevitably develops such a distance from the rest of the populace and their way of life (in tandem with total notoriety and celebrity among them all) not intentionally out of malice, but from the delusion of mythically-bestowed philanthropic duty that is borned of and compounded by this economic and cultural isolation in a perpetual accumulation of power and wealth that radicalizes the monopolizers — the majority already highly predisposed to zeal as they would’ve needed to be in order to find themselves in this singular, universally powerful position over every other class — and leaves their egocentric minds to wander exempt from all criticism save for that of fellow radicalized monopolizers, who together begin to feel more and more comfortable wondering aloud about themselves in increasingly fantastic presumptions: what if all of this was bestowed upon us because we are superior to them? What if it is our divine responsibility as superior beings to take charge and shepherd the common people as our sheep — for they cannot possibly know as well as we what is truly best for them?

You see it, right? And you can feel a very specific flavor of terror that is both awed by the scale of the circumstances created by so few human minds and sincerely amused by the absoluteness of your own inability to alter them in any way. Perhaps you even recognize this taste as one perfected by Christianity’s ancient advertising business, but Google knows so much about you that it’s rumored to’ve been selling user data to the Judeochristian God for some time now at a 10% discount, and so we extrapolate and anticipate, yes?

Of course, it’s admittedly satisfying for me to deliver you to this godfearing place in the most perverse look what I saw first that you didn’t see because you’re just not as bright but lucky for you, I’m so fucking generous with my wisdom sort of thinking around which the entire personas and livelihoods of fringe movement fanatics are built upon, but this is my one thing, okay? I’ve been waiting years for the right time to formally argue this theory in depth, and — thanks to this year’s public spotlight finally pivoting on the giants who’ve been silently swallowing their competition and relentlessly forcing their already ridiculous margins higher and higher in relative obscurity for decades, the time has come, indeed. The common people’s trust in Google had a godawful week.

Don’t Be Evil

On Monday, Gizmodo reported that twelve frustrated Google employees were quitting the company in protest of their work assisting the Department of Defense to “implement machine learning to classify images gathered by drones” for the detail fleeting Project Maven, despite some 4000 employee signatures on a letter addressed to CEO Sundar Pichai requesting (in full) that he “cancel this project immediately,” and “draft, publicize, and enforce a clear policy stating that neither Google nor its contractors will ever build warfare technology,” citing the infamous “Don’t Be Evil” motto, which Google then proceeded to remove from its code of conduct for the first time in 18 years the day after the New York Times article went to press, on April 5th.

On initial approach to the abstract of this story, from the ass to our thoughts arrives an easy narrative of a Silicon Valley mutiny comprised of twelve brave, conscientious souls who’ve been eaten up inside by their complicity in the filthy deals made by their power-obsessed CEO over scotch and cigars in a dark D.C. study — kept awake for months by the sound of his puffing cackles at satellite images of dead toddlers in a bombed-out street.

Ah ha, we say. That man is no good, and he just wouldn’t listen! They knew they didn’t have a choice… They only did what they had to do…

The reality of internal disagreements at Google, though, manages to be even more theatrical. The sheer volume of correspondence must surely be beyond anything capable of the enduser’s imagination, so let’s phone a friend: my favorite peek into the day-to-days of inter-Google existence is an old blog post by Benjamin Tilly on his first month at the company in which he was compelled almost immediately to describe in great detail how best to “deal with a lot of email in gmail” at peak efficiency using shortcuts and labels. “As you get email, you need to be aggressive about deciding what you need to see, versus what is context specific.”

Now we have a bit better idea of the aggressive emailing that was a sure constant on a normal workday at Google in 2010, so it must’ve been deafening after 8 years of Gmail development as 4000 employees no doubt vented, debated, and decided to organize last month, though without making much headway because the leadership’s response was apparently “complicated by the fact that Google claims it is only providing open-source software to Project Maven,” this new knowledge having significant effect on our mind’s image of Sundar Pichai’s activities in Washington: he is now swapping seats with a frustrated Colin Powell in order to install OpenOffice onto his desktop from a flash drive, and we recall that Google’s Googleplex headquarters resembles nowhere in modern life more than a brand new playground built in a design language borrowing heavily from Spy Kids. And though these Twelve disciples are unnamed for the moment, a few of them could immediately land book deals by going public, and every single one would always have by default not only the badge of “I landed a job at Google,” (which is really to say I have hit Life’s maximum level cap,) but “I worked at Google for a while, but ended up quitting to do something else,” which is guaranteed to make you the most interesting, intellectually superior person present in whatever crowd for the rest of your life. The ultra-cool Sarah Cooper quit Google to become a comedian and even got to talk to Kara Swisher! I won’t pretend to understand big tech’s diminutive bastardization of prestige, but “more than 90 academics” jumping to publish an open letter (adjacent to a huge DONATE: Support the Campaign to Stop Killer Robots button) in which they “write in solidarity with the 3100+ Google employees” who’s terrible boss decided to help some lackeys in the Pentagon set up their email and didn’t text back for a whole hour doesn’t sound 100% sincere. Notably, I don’t know how or why the fuck 90 people would go about collaborating on a single document, but if it really was managed, they definitely used Google Docs… At one point, it was fun to think about the history of the friendly side-scroller-playing garage ghouls and dorm dorks who gave cooky, wacko names to their dot com startups in parody and defiance of the lame-ass surname anagrams on the buildings of their established competitors, but those who’ve stuck around have only done so by becoming expert at SUCKING UP EVERYTHING around them, and it pisses me off every day how worried I am that my species will finally be done in by a company with a name like Yahoo! and be known only to a bunch of adolescent interdimensional silicon blobs 30 million years in the future as that bipedal race who remained dignified until the last 0.01% of their reign on Earth, when in way less than a single generation, they all just went FUCKING INSANE and blew themselves up because they suddenly hated all sense.

“Google” is perhaps the worst of these to have to shout in fear and/or anger in your last moments as it sounds in American English like you’ve startled your subject with a ticklish pinch followed so immediately by an esophagus-busting chokehold that the two events appear simultaneous, and in real English English, it almost always sounds like a parent speaking of a character on a pre-K children’s television programme whom they find quite foul and upsetting, but will manage to refrain from expressing so otherwise because they know that Teletubbies shit is the most quickly forgotten stage of television viewership. It’s fascinating how exclusive the word “Google” is to American English because in everything else it really is complete nonsense, but lets halt all etymological discussions right now because we’ve only now just finished with Monday.

The Soul Ledger

On Thursday, all of my Google experiences, suppositions, and soul-detaching screenshots were usurped when a thoroughly alarming internal company video called The Selfish Ledger was leaked to The Verge, which I watched once then and do not want to watch again for the sake of this piece, but I will. Though the big V has been disappointingly timid for years about editorializing — when tech journalism desperately needs some confident, informed opinion more than ever — Vlad Savov’s accompanying article should be read in its entirety, to which I can add my own terror where he perhaps could not. The production style is technically identical to that of the very popular thinkpiece-esque, motion-graphics-paired-with-obligatory-sharpie illustrated videos which you find playing at max volume on your mom’s iPad from where she’s fallen asleep on the couch at 9PM, but the repeating stock string soundtrack multiplies one’s discomfort as such that we would all end up in the fetal position without remembering the transition were it not for the appearance of trusty old Dank Jenkins, who’s face I thankfully associate heavily enough with his infamous down-and-out Tweet to be a welcome respite in attention before the very scary hypothesis for which it’s been buttering me up, as best summed by Vlad:

> The system would be able to “plug gaps in its knowledge and refine its model of human behavior” — not just your particular behavior or mine, but that of the entire human species. “By thinking of user data as multigenerational,” explains Foster, “it becomes possible for emerging users to benefit from the preceding generation’s behaviors and decisions.” Foster imagines mining the database of human behavior for patterns, “sequencing” it like the human genome, and making “increasingly accurate predictions about decisions and future behaviors.”

The next time the what if they do something scary question comes up in a casual conversation about Google, you’ll have something a lot more substantial than just speculation. Or will you? The Verge reached out for comment and got an awfully convenient response.

> This is a thought-experiment by the Design team from years ago that uses a technique known as ‘speculative design’ to explore uncomfortable ideas and concepts in order to provoke discussion and debate.

Wow! Leave it up to grand ole Googe to reveal the ultimate excuse for just about any suggestion or behavior, though it does seem almost deliberately uncomfortable, doesn’t it? No matter — whether or not this video was ever about a project or tangible product development, or simply to explore uncomfortable ideas because it is proof that the company has reached that critical Vatican stage — if you’ll remember — where they now feel comfortable exploring Very Bad, but Very easily made Real Ideas amongst themselves about what would happen if they allowed their system to nudge its users around a different, slightly less optimal route to the bar, let’s say — without their knowledge — in order for the system to collect traffic data for the sake of its own interests? Which would be, technically, in the interest of all Ledger users now and in the future, so why not?

> The ledger could be given a focus, shifting it from a system which not only tracks our behavior, but offers direction towards a desired result.”

This, my dear privacy-obsessed friends, is the real issue with data collection — its power over huge groups by way of their behavior and it is never going to be remedied in any significant way by ad-blockers or VPNs because the EndUser shall always out number you 50 to 1, even decades from now. EndUser does not understand — or, crucially, have any desire to understand anything technical about what leads to the PewDiePie videos playing on his filthy screen. Here’s a great opportunity to escape Silicon Valley’s technolibertarianism and resign your Darwinian empathy in favor of meaningful and truly-effective action: if you want to avoid a future Google Church (or Google Government, more worryingly,) you should invest your time, effort, and knowledge into electing officials more capable of understanding and regulating Big Tech.

Google Government

The internet as it stands is made possible by Google as the goto resource for online advertising. In 2016, “Google held 75.8 percent of the search ad market, bringing in $24.6 billion in revenue from search ads,” according to Recode. By 2019, “that’s expected to grow to $36.62 billion in revenue, or 80.2 percent of the market.” Google’s edge in user behavior and targeted advertising combined with their extensive resources available developers to integrate independent platforms with Google’s software services at various levels makes it very difficult for any advertising-funded individual or organization to compete online without dipping in to the Google universe. YouTube — a Google property since 2006 — has actively invested in and supported a new career path entirely within their own platform that is rapidly becoming popularly aspired-to by young children, while the reality of existence as a full-time YouTuber is far less glamorous than the immediately-visible surface would indicate, and the effort already expended by my generation in its pursuit has already made us insane.

So, what would the internet look like if Google didn’t exist? We know they’ve been working with the government now on various projects, but what if some terrible exposed transgression of theirs suddenly warranted an immediate shutdown and seizure of all Google properties? Well, we know from a post on Quora by Googler Ashish Kedia that even 5 years ago, the sudden absence of Google for “2–3 mins” set the internet into a bit of a panic, reducing overall traffic by 40%. In the time since, we’ve all grown exponentially more dependent on Google properties: billions of people rely on Google Maps for directions and, thousands of companies (including the Pentagon and other government institutions) rely on Gmail and GSuites for intercommunication, file sharing, task management, etc., and more and more academic institutions rely on Chromebook devices running connection-dependent operating systems. It’s not much of a stretch to argue that Google’s sudden disappearance would constitute a Civil Emergency in the United States, which will only become a stronger and more serious incentive for regulatory bodies to look the other way.

Though the tangible results of advertising have been quantified significantly in the past 20 years, one can’t help but wonder after watching YouTube ads for the new Mercedes-Benz S-Class on toy unboxing videos if the companies who spend big bucks on Google advertising understand where their money is going, but they know that if they don’t advertise there, their competitors will. This, of course, is a fundamental practice of a monopoly, and it’s yielded Google so much fucking money that they cannot possibly spend it fast enough, as evidenced by their investments in life extension — so that, perhaps, they will have more time on Earth to figure it out.

When you build a collection of the world’s smartest people in a self-sufficient environment that discourages exploration of other lifestyles and ideas, and you sustain the society with a gargantuan, relatively low-maintenance revenue stream, you create a culture which is not only well-primed for isolationism, but is also extremely inefficient. In fact, with its vast collection of abandoned products and properties, Google must surely be one of the most inefficient companies in history. Thinking back on recent software releases along with its recent entries into the hardware space, Google is also one of the worst competing tech companies. Very little aside from Gmail, Google Photos, Google Maps, and Chrome have found their place or garnered significant usership. Google Play Music is unintuitive and impossible, Google Allo and Google+ are all but forgotten addendums to other services, and Google Search — its core, original function — has been out of control for years, and all of them are designed blandly and excruciatingly tiring to look at.

Google Shun

If this all has stirred nothing more in you than a desire to eliminate Google from your own online life as much as possible, there are alternatives in almost every one of the sphere’s they dominate. As of late, DuckDuckGo has accumulated a fair amount of buzz and coverage as a private, more relevant alternative to Google’s plain old search engine. Though it is clever enough to list us as the first result for “extratone,” I’ve found it simply insufficient as a replacement in my own life because, essentially, it rarely delivers what I’m looking for. By contrast, Dropbox Paper is such an elegant cloud notetaking and word processing software that it makes Google Docs look simply idiotic (and warrants its own review very shortly.) For getting around, know that MapQuest is not only still around — it’s now a very competitive mobile navigation app.

I, myself, have allowed Google as complete of access to my information and behavior as possible because I believe “privacy” is a completely futile endeavor if one wishes to be a part of society, though I do often use alternatives to Google services simply because I fucking hate the way they look. If you want a more complete list of services and software that allow one to shun the Google God entirely, you’ll be forced to seek out less dignified sources like Lifehacker and Reddit and decide if the additional time you’ll spend using most of them to accomplish the same tasks is really worth your digital angst.

If Google were to be more explicit with its users and staff about its aspirations to take over control of our lives, there will be little to do but accept the future they intend to create because they’ve long been too powerful to control. In the meantime, I’d suggest you continue to use whatever software works best for you and refrain from wasting your time fretting on conspiratorial suppositions of what the tech industry may be doing to “invade your privacy,” because there is no longer any such thing, nor will there be ever again. However, I would also urge to you worship your own Gods, whomever they may be, for Google will never be worthy. I, for one, shall only pray to our Mother Sun.

#social #google #future #web #privacy

original post

[multifandomaddictedfangirl]

Misconceptions about Breaking bad ~ my theory (Spoilers!)

So I’ve just finished watching Breaking Bad. All seasons. I really loved the show. It was well written, well directed, well thought in every details, very well played with such talented actors. It is a masterpiece. Clearly, it was a show that had been thought of and worked on for a while to be perfect (like no plot holes, no OOC actions, no wasted moments, no pointless moves, no useless lines, etc.). Besides, this show had everything: badass action, fighting scenes, tension, drama (big time), humor sometimes (not often) and emotions (a lot).

However, I think there is a HUGE misunderstanding to what this show is about and an ENORMOUS misconception of why it’s so good and really likeable.

A lot of people I have met IRL, or read online, really loved this show as well. That’s not a surprise. As I’ve said, this show was really good for a lot of reasons and I will never deny that.

But as I was reading them/talking to them IRL, I’ve realised something. They loved Breaking Bad because they loved the story and the character of Walter White. They loved the story of an american middle aged white man, with a normal life, a traditional family and a boring job, becoming this super extra badass who ends up building and controlling a meth empire. Usually, they particularly loved season 3-4 when Walt is supposedly at its greatest moments. They loved Walter White and what he has become: a badass, a smart ass meth dealer, a dominating boss, a good provider for his family... a real man. They loved him as a hero. They loved him as a protagonist who should succeed and get what he wants in the end. They loved him as a character that they were rooting for. They also loved the dream of a normal guy starting off nothing and ending up being the big boss in the game. They loved the idea of having this exciting/dangerous/ illegal/ outlawed/badass “dream life”. Like in an action movie. They loved the fantasy that Breaking Bad exposes.

So here’s the thing... Those people don’t like Breaking Bad. Because that’s not the show. That’s not its point. That’s not its essence. That’s not what it’s trying to show us. That’s not what it’s about. At all.

Obviously, there are multiple interpretations and levels of lecture in a piece of art. And I don’t think some are overall better than others. I think it’s pretty condescending and arrogant to believe there is a “good way” of consuming medias/arts, and a “bad way”. There are just different ways. And that’s great.

However, if you pay attention to the show, for like 10 minutes, it’s pretty clear what it is about.

Breaking Bad is a criticism of Walter White and of this fantasy of a badass action-movie lifestyle. The whole point of the show is basically to say: “Look at that kind of lifestyle society makes you fantasise about, and look how you really don’t want to have it cause it actually sucks. Look at how you DON’T and SHOULDN’T want to become Walter White.”

Walter White isn’t portrayed as a glorious badass mastermind hero by the show. He shouldn’t be read like that. Of course, he is the main protagonist and so, the audience is meant to follow his story. But Walt is first portrayed as a bad guy. Not only like a villain. But as a bad person. Someone you should despise for his personality. Someone who should disgust you. Someone you should hate for who he truly is. Someone you shouldn’t be rooting for. Someone you should quite quickly want dead.

When the show begins, yes, he is portrayed as a normal family man, working a basic job, providing for his family which he seems to care about. But the show already makes it clear that he is a very proud man, who thinks he deserves better than his current life, who thinks he can do better and have better just because. Just cause he is Walter White, a chemistry genius. His world, what he has, doesn’t seem to be enough for him.

(Btw some of my friends argued that Walter White wasn’t such a bad person in the beginning of the show, and that “the meth dealing turned him into an asshole”. While I would agree with that, I also wanna point out that in the beginning of the show, Walt isn’t the greatest person neither... His life is built around a very sexist scheme. He always expects Skyler to do breakfast for him and basically all the housework, because she is his housewife and that’s the way things are supposed to be. We never see him being grateful for what she does. If he’s the only one working, “providing for his family”, it’s more likely because he didn’t want Skyler to. Skyler is a competent woman, she could have found a job with a better income than high school teacher. But I don’t think Walt, fulled with pride, would have accepted to be taken care of by his wife. He wanted to be the alfa male since day one. Because he more likely already had internalised pride, sexism and toxic masculinity and fake virility. We never see him share his true feelings with Skyler. He doesn’t want to look vulnerable. Never. He’s never real with anybody. He refuses to admit that he feels bad about his life and prefers to hide behind a mask, which he will continue to do throughout the show. Because expressing your true feelings to someone who cares about you is not an alfa male move, so Walt rejects this idea. So no, I don’t believe Walter White was such a great person in the beginning. He already was an asshole. He just became waaaaaaaay worse.)

Anyway, then he got diagnosed with cancer. And the money issue appears. If the family pays for Walter’s chemotherapy, they will take a huge risk of bankrupt. They need more money. The family needs more money. But let’s note that Walt’s friends, Eliot and Gretchen, DO propose to pay for his therapy. But Walter refuses, again because of his pride. All the events that follow, all the murders, all the meth dealing, all the horrors, EVERYTHING could have been avoided if Walter White hadn’t decided to be an arrogant jerk and say “suck it” to genuine help.

The money and the (supposedly) rightful idea providing for his family will be Walter’s justifications for ALL his actions during the ENTIRE show (even when his cancer is cured and the family doesn’t necessarily needs this huge amount of money anymore).

The truth is Walt never just wanted the money for chemotherapy or to help his family. He wanted the money because money equals power and influence. And Walt dreamed of power and control over the others. He wanted to be the only one capable of providing, the one everyone else would praise, admire and thank for the rest of his life. He wanted to be a god. Before even cooking his first batch, he already was a narcissist self-centered and arrogant prick, only thinking about his own good.

When he starts to cook meth, it just becomes even worse. The show gets darker, bloodier, more violent. Everything breaks bad, as thev title of the show clearly explicits. Walt finds a new way to express his desire of control, his dream of being finally respected/feared, and the silent violence which he was hidding inside of him.

(I think Walt somehow wants to turn the symbolic violence he was victim of (not being manly enough, especially compared to his brother-in-law, Hank who kinda bullies him in the beginning of the show) into a physical violence he is now in control of).

He then becomes a monster, who is capable of the most cruel, creepy, insane actions to get what he wants. He completely looses sense of reality. If we sum up what he did: he started cooking meth, he missed his daughter’s birth because of the meth dealing, he lied to everybody who cared about him, he tricked his DEA agent brother-in-law Hank, he mentally abused and manipulated Jesse to make him his puppet, he provoked Hank’s accident paralysing him for a while, he turned Junior against Skyler, he abused Skyler and made her part of his business letting her no other choice, he killed Gus’s men, he disolved murdered bodies in acid, he let Jane died while he could have saved her, he made Jesse kill Gale, he blew up a old people’s house killing Gus and hurting multiple innocents, he told nazis where Andrea lived and therefore caused her death, he ordered killings in prison, he blackmailed Hank with a fake confession video, he kidnapped Holly, he caused Hank and Gomez’s deaths, he killed Krazy8, he killed Mike, and he poisoned a child.

And the show makes it pretty clear that it’s not sane, that NONE of this is cool/badass, that it’s just miserable actions provoked by a desperate man, that it will just bring him sadness, loneliness, loss, misery and disfurtune, that Walt slowly but surely goes down this path of destruction and cruelty and that he will never come back. That what he once had (a family who loved and respected him, friends who cared about him, friendly neighbors, a stable job which had always been enough to provide for the family, a beautiful house, a great life, really) will be gone forever. And he will never get all of that back. Even if Walt just realises that in the final episodes.

His problematic lack of trust (even towards Jesse who never betrayed him!), his egocentric paranoia (the fact that he always thinks he is the center of some sort of conspiracy in the meth empire, despite the fact that it is a huge business and he is just not alone in this), his insane quest of power (the fact that he is never happy with what he has and always wants to extend his market/to extend his influence) and his huge PRIDE will always and constantly lead him to making huge mistakes and screwing up everything, making everything way worse. Walt is often the cause of his own failures.

But rather than learning from his mistakes, grow up and adapt, those mistakes just reinforce his beliefs, his fears, his desires, and justifies somehow even more his further actions. Walt is stuck in a vicious circle that, you know already from season 1-2, will lead him towards his end.

Everytime Walt tries something, he fails. He is not a badass mastermind meth dealer. He takes a lot of stupid decisions because he is too impulsive and doesn’t know how things really work in the real life. There is plenty of things he doesn’t know, even if he never admits it. He always have more competent person around him to do the job. Sure he cooks meth better than anybody else (except maybe Jesse in season 5), but meth dealing isn’t just cooking. Without Jesse, without Gus, without Mike, Walt would have never been Heisenberg.

Relying on other isn’t a bad thing (on the contrary), but that’s not what Walt does. Walt USES people. He manipulates them, he mentally ABUSES them, destroys their self esteem, threatens them, makes them believe they have no other choices but to order him. He did that with Jesse (big time), and also with Skyler for instance. The truth is Walt sucks and he needs others but he always denies it because he doesn’t want to admit that he is vulnerable and lost and that he actually is not “the big boss in the game”.

And whenever he makes a decision by himself (usually to cross someone), he FAILS. Like dramatically. He always puts himself in a position that is worse, usually more dangerous, just because he couldn’t shut up and keep his pride. Yes, sometimes, he also succeeds but it’s then quickly shown that what he thought was a success will turn up against him.

Even when Walt does look badass, it’s during short moments taken apart from big story. Yes, if you take some scenes out of context, Walt looks cool. But if you just take some time to analyse the context, than the scenes loose all its power and Walt appears the way he is inside: powerless, weak, insecure, pathetic.

For instance, when Walter says to his wife “I’m the danger”, it’s not meant to be seen as a badass line (and it has, by many people). It’s pathetic because he has, at that point in the show, lost control in his professional life. So he’s trying to regain control and influence in his private life by terryfing someone who looks weaker than him. He cannot hurt or scare his actual enemies in the meth empire because they are more powerful than him. He is at this point lost, confused and vulnerable. He needs to regain his manhood, his position of power, his role of alfa male. So to do so, he decides to terrify his wife, who is just a normal person and doesn’t know the meth world (and so, who has to take anything Walt says for granted). He’s like a bully, in school, attacking the weakest because they are in quest of manhood and influence. And we know bullies are actually the most insecure kids.

Besides, when Walt fails, he doesn’t even admit he screwed up, says sorry and learns from his mistakes. He denies he made a mistake and takes the blame on others. That’s, again, profoundly PATHETIC. He lies to everyone. While he claims that he doesn’t want anybody’s pity, he keeps lying to make it look like he was just the victim of unfortunate events against him. That’s why Walt isn’t even a good likeable villain. He denies what he truly wants (money, power, control, sense of manhood...), he hides behind a fake justification, and he doesn’t realise or admit that his means are deeply cruel (murder, mental abuse, meth dealing, child poisoning, lying, bloodbath assassinations...). Even if he has convinced himself he’s doing all of this for a good reason (provide for his family), it’s like he is not aware of the monstrosity of his actions. He never admits he has become a merciless monster. Not to his family, not to his wife, not to his partners in crime. Most villains would say: “I believe what I do is fair and justified, but to do so, I have to become a monster and do unspeakable things and that’s what I’m gonna do”. But Walt doesn’t.

(Walt would probably say something like “I’m a good person, I want to help my family which totally explains all my actions which weren’t even THAT bad if you look at it a certain way and there was no other choice anyway, I’m just a victim, but I’m still powerful, but I had to, but I’m in control.” And honestly? UGH.)

Walt is a looser, who tries to hide the fact that he sucks. He is not a badass, or a mastermind. He’s mostly scared, pathetic and lost. Breaking Bad always show us that. Breaking Bad is about the fail and the path towards the end of Walter White. It’s about Walt becoming worse and worse, but not by doing things more and more illegal/horrible. He’s becoming worse and worse as a person. More pathetic as the show evolves. More miserable. More lost. More desperate. And he ends up with NOTHING.

Walter White looses everything. His friends are so terrified of him that they don’t want to have any contact with him. His wife completely despise him. His son is ashamed and disgusted of him. His daughter will grow up without a father. His former associates are mostly dead. His partner, Jesse, hates him and runs away from him. Walt dies alone, abandonned by everyone, knowing nobody will miss him and that he has failed to do what he first wanted (take care of his family), that the person he once was, who had a great life actually, is gone.

The show makes it very clear that following Walter’s path is not something cool. It’s not something you should want or dream about. Because in your fantasy, the meth business is badass and cool and fun. But in reality, it’s difficult, horrifying, dangerous and life-ruining. The point of the show is to stay: Walt got stuck in this because he was, and always had been, a proud, narcissist and pathetic person and he has LOST everything when he tried to be the badass he never was.

This fictional lifestyle, based on pride, toxic masculinity and badass action fantasy, that is nourished by a lot of fictions and medias that we consume, is BAD (hence the title). The show criticises it over and over again.

And in my opinion, that’s why it’s so good. The show doesn’t glorify what society already praises to be the dream. It questions it, it shows us its true nature, and criticises it. At the end, Breaking Bad isn’t just a badass exciting action-movie turned into a serie (it would have been quite boring if it was). It’s more than that. It tells a story about us as human, as people, and it deconstructs a fantasy we all have had at some point. And it does it perfectly. So I really loved this show, but it saddened me to see so many people having this misunderstanding about what the show was trying to say.

[waywardfacegarden]

Modern SNS AU

Where Naruto and Sasuke are connected to Tumblr almost all the time, and then one of them bumps into the other's blog because some of their selective blogs are common between them.

Naruto thinks that avenger2307 is a total “emo” and Sasuke just knows that ramenslover10 is as silly as his name. Neither of them realizes exactly how things start, but suddenly they are both rebloging their posts and invading their blogs just to criticize them.

Naruto continues to say that avenger2307 is depressed and negative and an idiot about everything and a total emo and shouldn’t infect others about his emo-ish attitude, and Sasuke just keeps replying that at least he is not obsessed with some damn stupid noodles and posting silly videos all day and photos of cats in costumes and making others lose their valuable time of the day and Naruto is just like "Hey! First of all, it's RAMEN, and it's delicious, idiot, and second, the videos are not silly, they are FUN, third, what kind of person doesn’t like cats with costumes, you bastard? And fourth, if it bothers you so much, why do you visit my blog and read it and SEE the silly videos, huh?” And Sasuke only answers with a "Hn, dobe", and Naruto has no idea why he's so mad, but he only knows he is.

They continue to do that for a long time (a long, long time) until it becomes routine. One of them will write something and the other will comment an insult or criticism. Both begin to follow each other for the sole purpose of arguing.

It is silly and probably stupid, because they fight all the time and publicly, but somehow it has become ordinary and both become the primary focus of the other. Sasuke will find himself waiting for the dumb videos to see daily or the stupid, goofy cat picture that maybe, just maybe will not seem so silly this time. Naruto will find himself checking his cell phone during classes, waiting for a depressive or negative post about a class or a person or life in general just to see how he can turn it into something positive, just for the sheer pleasure of bothering his emo life. Because it feels good, somehow.

And then, a few weeks later, avenger2307 stops publishing things one day and Naruto is so focused on him in that time that he cannot help but notice and it hurts. And the absence is prolonged and prolonged. Two days, three days, a week, and Naruto doesn’t want to admit he's worried, because he's a stubborn idiot, but he is. Naruto doesn’t want to admit that he actually misses that, misses his emo mood and their interactions and their arguments and his posts, but he does. He misses him and his depressing blog and he can’t help but notice the stupid gap that opens empty in his stomach and swallows him every time he logs in again and avenger2307 is still absent.

But then he returns, avenger2307 RETURNS, posting one of the most jerk-typing and depressing posts about his city's internet service and the fact that he had no network for TWO weeks and Naruto can’t help but laugh because he thinks he's a pessimistic idiot, but it's fine, it’s fine, because avenger2307 CAME BACK, and he’s still him, still as grumpy and whining, and he's there again.

And Naruto knows it's stupid and ridiculous how good it feels to see him again there, on his screen, because he is supposed to dislike him, he is supposed to be annoyed that he actually returned. He knows he’s being dumb and it’s embarrassing, but he doesn’t care. So he presses the option to “like” the post and, without even thinking about it, goes to the private message tray and clicks on the user bubble of avenger2307 and writes, "Wow, about time, busy being emo in real life? it must be hard, no one knows how to do it like you", and then he sends it. And, at first, he believes that he is being witty and congratulates himself, because he has finally sent him a private message, but then avenger2307 doesn’t answer. And two minutes pass, then three, then four... and Naruto’s stomach hurts because he has just sent a private message, a message in which he practically points out how desperate he was to talk to him and also flatters his emo attitude and Oh by Ramen’s God, what did you just do? That's...

"Hn. Worried, dobe? I already know that I’m good on what I do, you don’t need to say it. But no, my internet fell. Did you like my post and didn’t even read it, dumbass? Wow, I didn’t know how much you admired me."

And Naruto smiles because avenger2307 in fact answered his message (as arrogant and idiotic as ever, because he was a bastard, but he answered and now they can really, properly talk to each other). And, of course, Naruto can finally crush avenger’s ego in private without others bothering them.

.

The days pass and they keep talking and Naruto actually learns things. He learns that avenger2307 is more fun than he looks, even if he makes jokes that Naruto doesn’t always understand, or even if they are too dark that they shouldn’t be fun. Naruto actually learns that he is a total nerd and that he likes math and school. He learns that he is a guy and that he has a name (Sasuke. Sasu-ke, no Sas-uke, Sasuke.) (Naruto likes to say it quietly in class because he likes how it sounds.) (It's not like he's admitting it anyway, and much less the fact that he doesn’t care if his friends see him strangely when he does it.) which he likes to make fun of because "what kind of stupid name is that?" (and even if he only does it to annoy him, because he actually likes it and thinks it's cool), and Sasuke only responds with a "look who says it, fishcake", and Naruto should get angry or pissed off, he should, because it bothers him when others do it, but then somehow Naruto finds himself only answering with a "whatever you say Sasuke-bastard" and everything keeps the same.

Naruto learns that they both like martial arts and that Sasuke is actually good at it, because he has gone to important events and has first places and WOW, Sasuke is indeed as cool as his name.

Sasuke also likes tomatoes and rice and the color blue. Sasuke is sarcastic and arrogant, but he's also kind and worries about things in the world that Naruto had not even stopped to think about. He's soft on the edges and Naruto really begins to like him. Because Sasuke insults and criticizes him and makes jokes about him, but Sasuke also cares (even if he has never admitted it aloud, Naruto knows he does) because, even if it is subtly, Sasuke always asks when he feels that something is wrong. (And for some reason, Sasuke always knows when something is wrong. Naruto even starts to think that Sasuke is a kind of nerd-and-arrogant-bastard voodoo.)

Sasuke also stops calling him "dobe" so many times and begins to say "usuratonkachi" instead, and Naruto has no idea what it means, but he thinks that if it is an insult, at least it's a cool one, so he doesn’t complain. He likes it because Sasuke puts it in sentences that make it sound more like a nickname rather than an insult, and Naruto likes to think Sasuke has a nickname for him.

Their posts are also different in some way. Sasuke smiles sometimes at Naruto's ridiculous, childish obsession with everything rather than bothering him about it; and Naruto thinks that, somehow, Sasuke's negative comments are no longer as cruel and tragic and are more like perspectives of the world; Naruto thinks it's somehow interesting, even if he publishes nerd data as well. And it's a little stupid, but Naruto has found himself smiling while reading a comment from avenger2307 with a "... yes, that also applies to dobes like you, noodlessucker/fishcake" at the end of the note or in the tags at the end of the post. He doesn’t know why he cares so much, but he does.

Sasuke also has a good, nice, soothing voice. (He knows it after hearing him speak for the first time, because somehow they end up exchanging phone numbers at some point in their conversations.) (Neither of them is very sure who offered it or asked for it first, but the point is they have it and now they can actually SPEAK and listen to each other's voice and oh holy ramen, Naruto would be lying if he didn’t say he was excited to hear him because he wondered about it so many times before, wondered what his voice would be like, and his curiosity was very big at that point that he literally felt tingling in his fingertips when he answered the phone that time.) A voice that tickles something at the tip of Naruto’s stomach. Naruto believes that, if he sang, he would do it well. His voice is deep and masculine and low and thick in the right kind of way. It is soft and intense at the same time and Naruto likes it; he likes to hear him speak about anything, and likes to hear him say "usuratonkachi", because it sounds softer in his voice, because it sounds so much softer than it should sound with his tone of voice. He likes the way he pronounces things and the way he drops the words from his mouth as if he's sure of them. He likes the arrogant tone that washes over his voice when he is flattering himself or being an egocentric bastard and Naruto can practically hear the smirk across the line.

.

They start talking more often. They talk about everything and nothing and Naruto learns more things. Now, he knows which book is Sasuke's favorite and why. He knows he likes the bow and arrow. He knows that he has three friends and that they all are, in Sasuke’s words, "complete idiots, but I like them." One is Suigetsu and he's on the school's swimming team and, as far as Sasuke mentions (which is not much, Sasuke doesn’t really like to talk about himself) Naruto bets that he's as much of an asshole as Sasuke is himself, but Sasuke says his jokes “are funny most of the time”. The other is Juugo, who is obsessed with animals and the environment and is incredibly patient with them all. There is also Karin (Karin, who is a girl, Karin, that for some strange reason causes Naruto to feel something vicious in his stomach whenever Sasuke mentions her) (and no, those feelings are not jealousy at all), who has glasses and is a hothead, with the hair of an intense red. Karin, who is irritable, and annoyed about the fact that Suigetsu is an immature idiot most of the time. Karin, who is strong and kind and has an intense and strong personality. Karin, who is intelligent and perceptive and “just as stubborn as you moron”. Karin, who had a crush on Sasuke for a while, time ago, but now likes to joke about the fact that Naruto and him look like boyfriends because they talk ALL the time and A LOT, (and no, Naruto definitely didn’t blush when Sasuke said it).

And then Naruto finds himself thinking about Sasuke. Thinking about the way he could look like. Wondering and thinking about how could his hair look like, if his face combined with his voice, what could be the color of his eyes, (seriously, if he doesn’t pass algebra it will be all Sasuke's fault), because Sasuke has not mentioned anything about his physique besides the fact that he has a weird tattoo on the shoulder (stupid, stupid Suigetsu’s dare).

And then one day they're talking and Sasuke says, "Are you blond?"

And Naruto almost choked on his own saliva because what the hell, how does he know that. He is surprised and, for a moment, really thinks that, oh by ramen’s sake, Sasuke KNOWS him in person. And he's so focused on his nerves and own panic that he doesn’t realize that he has not answered yet until Sasuke says, "Well, because, you know, blondes are supposed to be dumb, so I assumed you were very blond."

And then Naruto just… stops. He knows he is supposed to be offended, but at the moment he can only laugh, because Sasuke tried to make a joke (a biased, stereotypical one, but still, a joke. And Naruto imagines Sasuke is clumsy with jokes and with anything related with having actually normal fun) so he only answers with a "bastard. You’re rude. But yes, I’m the hottest blonde you’re ever gonna meet in your life."

"Debatable. But hn, your ancestors must be proud of you then, unless you dye it."

"Hey! I’m really hot, y’know? And of course not, you idiot, I don’t dye my hair, I'm a natural blonde."

"Hn." Sasuke likes to make that sound a bit too much.

"Do you?"

"What?"

"Do you dye your hair, moron?"

"No, why would I do that?"

"Well, how do I know you're not an emo who likes to paint his hair and wear piercings and black clothes and hair over his face...? I bet you let your hair grow long and cover… OH AND THE NAILS, painting your nails is something emo, right? I bet you paint your nails..."

"Naruto."

"... Yes, I’m sure that..."

"Naruto."

"... Probably..."

"Naruto, you're babbling."

"Oh, heh, sorry."

…

"I don’t have piercings."

"..."

"..."

"But you didn’t say you didn’t paint your nails, so..."

"Oh, shut up, dobe."

Naruto laughs.

Sasuke thinks that Naruto's laughter is the most beautiful thing he's ever heard before.

.

Naruto also learns that Sasuke's parents were killed in a fire. He finds out he has a brother. An older brother, who is in jail for some reason he doesn’t know about, because Sasuke doesn’t tell him. An older brother Sasuke can’t mention without his voice quivering a little. He always seems so upset and disturbed talking about his family.

So Naruto tells him his story. He tells him about the scars on his cheeks and how he has been an orphan since he was born. He says that he knows his parents only in photos. He tells him that his mother had the most beautiful, red long hair (that was intense and flaming and bright like fire), and that his father was blond and had blue, pure eyes like the sky (and like himself). He tells him that he dreams of them almost every night. He tells him about his grandfather Jiraiya and tells him about how perverted he is and how obsessed he is with Tsunade (his neighbor, who likes gambling and alcohol and is scary when she is upset, but she is also kind, strong and really smart and gave Naruto a really cool necklace on his birthday). He tells him about the stories that Jiraiya has told him about his parents. He tells him that they were both in the police force and they were excellent in their job and they were killed by a man who is still free out there in the streets. He tells him that he’s proud of them, even if he didn’t know them. He tells him about all the rage that grows and bubbles inside his chest, about all that hate that he doesn’t like but it’s still there and doesn’t go away for once. He doesn’t know why he does it, why he says it. He only knows that he wants to make him feel better, that he wants Sasuke to know that he is not alone, that Naruto knows his pain. He wants him to know that it's okay to talk about his problems. He wants him to know that Naruto is going to listen to him. He wants him to know he cares. He cares so much that it hurts.

And Sasuke does not say anything, but Naruto can feel it through the phone, he can hear his fragile breathing and can almost feel the beating of his heart pounding in his chest. He can feel, in some way, what Sasuke is feeling, and he knows that Sasuke feels what he is feeling himself, too.

Because Naruto begins to think that Sasuke knows him. He knows him better than anyone else does, and he understands him, Sasuke understands him as no one else has before.

And Naruto has never wanted to meet a person so much before.

.

It’s the middle of December and it’s cold. The sky is pale and beautiful and there’s snow everywhere you turn to see. The trees have no longer leaves and they look old and without so much life like in Spring with all the color spinning in them, but Naruto likes winter, too. Or at least, liked winter too until tragedy happened.

Sakura is in his bed texting Ino and Naruto looks at her like he’s dying. She looks at him from the corner of her beautiful green eyes and makes a face.

“Naruto, stop already, you moron. You’re doing The Face again.”

Naruto rolls over the floor (which it’s also cold as fuck, but he doesn’t care enough, he’s dying) and groans, ”But Sakura…”

She puts her phone in her stomach and looks at him upside down at the side of Naruto’s bed. Naruto keeps saying her name and she just sees him like she’s waiting for him to continue.

Naruto does with “he’s visiting me, Sakura, he’s visiting me…”

Sakura raises an eyebrow. “Hm? I already know that, you told me yesterday and you keep saying it every two minutes. But what’s the matter?”

Naruto sits right up and gestures at her with exaggerated swings of arms. “‘What’s the matter?’ He’s visiting me, that’s the matter!”

She sighs and sits too. She moves to the edge of the bed and picks up her legs just so her chin would be in one of her knees. She looks down at him and titles her head, the pink soft hair falling over on the middle of her face. Naruto always liked Sakura’s hair. It was really pretty when she had it long, but when she cut it out it was even cooler, because it was short, spiky-type and wild and messy and it was a nice thing. She also has these cute short bangs that don’t cover her forehead (Ino doesn’t allow it) but look pretty great.

“I don’t get it. You look like you are about to die, like something just crashed in your favorite thing and broke it. Shit, you almost look like there’s no more ramen in the cupboard, that’s worrying. But you always talked about this guy so much, about how cool he was, and as far as I remember, you also always said how much you wanted to meet him in person and finally can see his face and can hear his voice not just through a phone call. So, then he says to you that he’s coming to the city for the weekend and he wants to see you and instead of being all happy you get all messy about it? Why?”

Naruto blinks. “It doesn’t make sense when you explain it like it.”

Sakura rolls her eyes and kicks Naruto with her leg on his shoulder. He pouts at her while touching his arm. “That hurt.”

She ignores him. “It doesn’t make sense the way you look at it Naruto, you’re just being dramatic.”

“I’m not! I want to meet him! It’s just that I don’t want to ruin the things with him! He’s… He’s the best guy I know and I think he really understands me and I really like him and…”

Sakura blinks. “You like him? Like… really like him?”

Naruto stops. He looks at his side because he just can’t meet Sakura’s eyes. She always said that she can read him like a book through his because Naruto’s were so transparent. He doesn’t want her looking at him with pity or something like it. And what was he even supposed to answer? He himself doesn’t know well his feelings. He cares about Sasuke. He cares so much about him that he even spent five hours without getting sleep just thinking if he was fine. Just because he said he had a bad day. He really sounded upset, and Naruto couldn’t stop worrying. He also thinks about him a lot. It is not really his fault, everything in school or on his home remembered him about Sasuke. And he likes him, he really do, he is cool and smart and kind and cares a lot about people, about his friends. He’s an ass too, and arrogant sometimes and likes arguing, but it’s not that bad. Naruto loves that about him too. But does he like him that way? Does he want to actually date Sasuke?

Just the thought of it makes him giddy. Just the idea of it makes his heart races and a warm feeling sink in his throat and all down his stomach. Just thinking about it makes him fuzzy and all tingle in his inner self.

Sakura moves and Naruto sees her all the way getting down the bed and kneeling beside him. She looks at him with kind and tender eyes and reaches to brush his blond hair.

“Aw, Naruto. You blushed.” She mutters, and he’s way too embarrassed, but he knows Sakura is not making fun of him; she talks way too soft for being not real compassionate about him.

Naruto closes his eyes and Sakura mutters something more under her breath that he doesn’t get, but then she’s right there, and her sweet smell is burning his lungs. Sakura’s arms are warm and soft and she’s being understanding and tender and for a moment Naruto remembers why he did like her in the past. He likes her as a sister now, and he thinks about liking Sasuke as his brother… he thinks about being held by Sasuke, being in Sasuke’s arms and telling him all that has been building in his stomach since they start to talk to each other…

No, he definitely didn’t like Sasuke as Sakura. It was different. More intense, more raw and crude, but… somehow sweeter. And no, he definitely didn’t like him as a brother.

“It’s going to be fine, Naruto. Don’t worry about it.”

.

Naruto and Sasuke agree to meet in a place. It is a park from the outskirts of Konoha.

It's the middle of December, just a few days later Sakura talked to Naruto. It's cold outside and Naruto is nervous as hell that he can’t even feel his legs, but at the same time, he’s excited.

He’s standing awkwardly out of his house, on the sidewalk, while Sakura is checking on her car (well, Ino’s car, but it’s technically the same thing). Sakura lends him it (because his own old pickup van has chosen to decompose just then) and she indeed offers to take him, because Naruto is so edgy that his hands shake and she assures him that he won’t be able to drive in that mood.

“Everything will be okay, Naruto, just stop with the drama. I’m not bothering you two either. I’m leaving you there until Sasuke arrives, so you don’t have to worry.” Sakura tells him leaning against the car. Her hair is waving around because of the cold wind and her arms are firm crossed in her chest and she looks at him like she always does in situations where he’s like this: like she’s trying to calm him down, but at the same time, she’s so exasperated that she can’t hid it.

“Everything is going to be fine, Naruto.” She repeats, and then she points with her thumb behind her, “so get in the car already and let’s go to meet your prince.”

Naruto blinks wildly. “He’s not…!”

“I’m kidding, you moron.” She giggles. “Just get in the car.”

.

The ride is not so long, but Naruto thinks it is. His hands keep sweating and he has to wipe them in his pants several times. He keeps looking through the window outside, watching at the people and the places, but all it’s too blurry to caught, and he’s feeling fuzzy. He keeps seeing things but he doesn’t recognize them, like it’s the first time he sees it, like this is not his own city. He keeps listening to the music on the radio Sakura just put to calm him down, but it’s not helping, it’s not working.

The air is dense inside the car and his head is spinning and he can’t focus because he's going to meet Sasuke, he's going to meet Sasuke in person and oh Holy Ramen, this is happening and...

"Seriously Naruto, he's going to give you a panic attack, calm down a bit." Sakura teases. Naruto looks at her and she smiles at him. One of her hands is fixed on the steering wheel but the other moves and pats his shoulder carefully. "Everything will be fine."

And Naruto wants to think that, he really wants, but the way his heart hits against his chest is erratic and discordant and it hurts, and he can’t concentrate in anything else besides Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke, and the way his disturbed heartbeat remembers him of his name.

Yes, the ride seems definitely too long.

.

When they get to the park, they are practically alone, mostly because of the cold weather, but Naruto doesn’t notice. There are people walking on the sidewalk and Naruto gets out of the car with his legs feeling like water. Gelid air hits his face and his cheeks numb.

“Do you want me to get out of the car with you?”

Naruto thinks for a second it is a good idea, because he can’t calm down, but he doesn’t want to bother Sakura more, so he tries to smile convinced at her (though he’s dying slowly inside) and says, “No, I’m fine.”

Sakura smiles back at him from the car and gives him a thumb up. Her eyes are sweet when she says, “’kay, good luck! I’m leaving you here, call me if you need me!” She’s about to go when she seems to remember something. “Oh! And Naruto?”

“… Yes?”

“It’s going to be alright. Believe me. And if it something that makes you feel better, I’m sure he feels the same way as you.”

Naruto blinks. “… Sa— kura?”

She smiles. “Bye! I’m greeting Ino for you!”

Naruto waves at her and sees all the way while she gets away. The car is a red point in the street when Naruto finally starts to walk to the meeting point.

It is supposed to be there, just right at the swings area. But there is no one there, just two kids, and Naruto does know Sasuke it’s just a year older than him, so he’s none of them.

Naruto looks at his cell phone for the hour. It’s 2:27 pm. Three minutes left for the agreed time.

Ok, he’s in time. Sasuke is in time too. So there’s nothing to worry about.

He stands there and waits, playing with his hands (mostly because they can’t stop sweating, dammit) and trying to breathe normally enough.

Three minutes pass. He watches at the people going from here to there, and the kids playing around. Everything seems too normal to be such an important day.

Ten more minutes go by.

Five more and Naruto is ready to get his phone from his pocket and call Sakura to pick him up in the car and flee because he is so nervous, he’s so on the edge that he feels like he is going to explode and all Sasuke is going to find is a deformed liquid spot on the ground along with all the snow. And that would definitely be more embarrassing than...

"Hn. So you're really blond."

… Holy fuck.

Oh.

Oh.

OH.

That voice.

Sasuke...

That voice...

Sasuke.

Sasuke is there, Sasuke is there.

God, Naruto's heart is pounding so hard on his chest that he thinks it's going to come out between his ribs.

Naruto turns around on his heels, his breath stirring white smoke in front of his face. He turns and Sasuke is… there. He's right there and... wow.

Just.

Wow.

Sasuke is...

Is...

Gorgeous.

His hair is jet-black, dark as the sky on a starless night. It is short and sharp from behind and has a cut that should be funny but in him has a great fit. He has bangs, they are long and frame his face by the sides till the level of his lips. Naruto has the impression that one of them would cover one of his eyes if there was no wind that shakes it weakly against his forehead. His hair is messy and looks soft and beautiful. His skin is pale and contrasts with the intense color of his hair. His eyes are just as dark as his hair, so deep and looking at him as if he were the only thing in the world that was worth focusing on. His lips are thin and composed in a half mocking smile. His posture is casual and composed, as if it isn’t the first time they have meet; as if none of this is something that makes Naruto turn from head to toe, upside down; as if it isn’t the thing having Naruto on edge with nerves, and the feelings burning on the surface of his skin.

His face is sharp, all thin angles and high cheekbones, contrasting and extreme colors, ranging from the purest to the darkest, and God, everything in him is so impressive.

"Are you going to stand there staring at me all day?" Sasuke raises an eyebrow. His lips tug a little higher and his voice tinges with a mocking tone. God, his voice…

Naruto feels his cheeks burn. He smiles awkwardly and runs a hand through his hair. Sasuke's eyes follow the movement of his fingers between the golden strands until they fall behind.

Naruto scratches his neck and laughs nervously.

"It's just...” He starts, but then stops because, “I’m not staring! I’m definitely not staring!” He bursts out, his frown in a line. Deep inside he knows he’s lying, but he can’t let Sasuke know that. Sasuke smiles a little, condescending, but his eyebrow stays high, like saying “sure, whatever you say” and “but I don’t believe you at all, moron”.

Naruto looks at his side because if he keeps seeing him, he will start staring and his cheeks are already burning, so no, he doesn’t want to combust. “Um, you're just a little different from how I imagined you were, it’s all."

Sasuke's eyes drop to meet his eyes (God, his eyes), and Naruto has to contain himself to avoid panting loudly, because Holy Ramen...

His eyebrow rises even higher. There's a subtle shit-eating grin growing on his lips and Naruto thinks he's going to die. "Did you imagine what I look like? Hn, and I thought you weren’t so obsessed with me."

Naruto opens his eyes, wide, and blinks. "You… you cocky bastard! I’m not obsessed with you! I didn’t mean... I mean, yes, I asked myself several times how you would look like but... I mean, it's not like I'm thinking about your appearance all the time or..."

Sasuke makes a little noise in the back of his throat. His eyes are glued to Naruto and he looks funny, as if Naruto's suffering and clumsiness amused him.

Naruto closes his lips in a tight line and looks away. The blush on his cheeks has begun to spread, because he can feel the heat tingling in his neck and the tip of his ears. The fact that he can feel Sasuke's intense stare stuck on him doesn’t help.

And suddenly everything is silent and Naruto feels silly and stupid and...

"Usuratonkachi." Sasuke's voice is soft, so soft, and the way he says it is as if he's saying "idiot" with his eyes blank and a wry smile on his face.

Naruto opens his eyes, because he has to see his face, he has to, and when he turns his head again, Sasuke is looking right at him, his hands in his pockets and his hair falling gently on his face. God, Naruto needs to concentrate, every time he looks at him it’s like he gets lost in his head and mind.

"You're not very different from how I thought. You're really blond, you look like you don’t know what a comb is, and your face looks stupid..."

Naruto chokes. There is something inside him that rages, although it is not anger, it is almost... expectation. But there is something else. Something else than the adrenaline that runs through his blood when they fight.

"You— jerk…!"

"And you have a lousy sense of fashion, orange is a horrible color. I have no idea why it is your favorite color..."

"As if blue was better, idiot! Orange is the coolest, brightest and most cheerful color of all!"

Sasuke rolls his eyes at his childish outburst and continues, "And you have tanned skin, I imagined that. Your eyes are clearer than I thought, though..."

"Well, yours are darker than I expected. Not that I’m complaining, I’m just impress."

Sasuke continues like if there hadn’t been interruptions. "I never thought you'd have blond eyelashes, it's... well, not bad... I've never met anyone before you that had the eyelashes of that color... and it’s quite..."

Naruto is about to insult him with something (although he is not quite sure what to say, because everything in him is impossible to insult; everything in him is so wonderful, dammit), but then he is silent, because Sasuke tilts his head to one side, his hair falling like a silken curtain of dark strands, and stretches a hand toward Naruto's face and oh my goodness, Sasuke's hand is right in front of him and...

Oh.

The scars.

Sasuke's hand is incredibly warm against his cold skin. His fingers pass over the lines carefully, with fragile, feathery touches, and his skin is so soft...

And Sasuke doesn’t say anything, but his eyes are completely focused on his cheeks and in them there’s something completely indecipherable for Naruto. They look sad and angry and hurt and careful, all at once.

And then Sasuke takes a step forward (which means he’s closer, when he was already close enough) and Naruto can distinguish the way his long eyelashes rub against the white skin of his cheeks. And suddenly it’s like his senses are overloaded because he can feel everything. He is hyper aware of Sasuke's fingertips, which make his skin tingle wherever they touch him, which despite the cold weather seem to carry the fire along with them, because they awaken overwhelming heat beneath his skin. He can feel the dense, charged air around him and between them, as if there were sparkling electricity flying and catapulting into volutes and dissenting spirals. He can distinguish the soft Sasuke’s smell (apples and grass). He can even hear his breath and suddenly everything revolves around him.

His heart is hammering madly in his chest and his ears are buzzing and there is something beating in his throat, something that is alive and fluttering. The sky behind them is silver and purple, and the clouds are fluffy speckles of white and gray, and Sasuke looks like a star standing there, so bright and so remarkable and outstanding...

Then Sasuke's eyes meet his own and he’s staring at him and it's like everything around him is alive. It is like everything inside him is moving and shouting to get out. It's like standing on the edge of a cliff and looking down and thinking you're going to fall. It's like the sound of a storm. Everything is wild and alive and Naruto does not know what he is doing, his body moves on autopilot…

His hand reaches out and Naruto can see his own fingers tremble as he carefully removes one of Sasuke's bangs from his face.

Sasuke's eyes open wide, and then he opens his mouth and he’s saying something, he’s talking, but Naruto doesn’t listen, because there are waves that beat against his ears and everything sounds like the sea.

And then he pushes forward and their lips collide and… and just wow.

Sasuke's breath stalls in his throat audibly and Naruto can hear it. His lips are warm and soft (so, so, so soft) and Naruto can’t help but think how much he wants this. How much he wanted this, how long he had been waiting for this without even knowing it.

Sasuke makes a shocked little noise in the back of his throat as Naruto pushes forward but he doesn’t back down, and Naruto can feel the way his eyelashes sweep into his own skin when his eyes close (they tickle him). He can feel him relax in an instant when Naruto's fingers move back and pull the strands of hair behind his ear. He can hear him sigh shakily as the tips of his fingers intermingle with his hair on the back of his head. And then Sasuke's hand is on his shirt and his fingers squeeze tightly against the cloth and he is pulling Naruto towards him.

Everything is fuzzy and hot and damp and soft and so good. Naruto has one hand firmly behind Sasuke's head to keep him from pulling away and the other reaches to take Sasuke's free hand. His fingers intertwine and embolden like gears as his mouths move one against another languidly, as his lips glide lazily and unhurriedly.

And then Sasuke's hand moves, the tips of his fingers leaving electricity sticking to Naruto's skin as they touch him, and suddenly it is in his hair, behind his head. He pull his head back, enough to make their lips separate a few millimeters. Sasuke's breathing is altered and quick and shaky and he seems to be desperate for air. Naruto can feel his unsteady breathing pounding against his bulging cheeks and is proud of it. He doesn’t care if his own is the same or worse because Sasuke is this way, he’s like this for him.

The kiss was so good, everything was so good, and Naruto is about to ask why they stopped, but then Sasuke is pulling Naruto back forward and his lips are crashing again and he doesn’t have time to ask. This time Sasuke opens his lips and seems more desperate than before. His hands pull Naruto's hair and his lips stick to Naruto’s as if they were his source of life.

And they continue like this. They kiss and kiss and kiss. They pause to breathe and their lips meet again after a few seconds as if they were attracted like magnets and metal.

They kiss and kiss and kiss and Sasuke's hands are on his hair and his face and his shoulders and his neck and on the top of his shirt, touching everything as if he wanted to remember every inch. And he looks so altered, so out of place, and Naruto thinks he's about to faint, because he put Sasuke like this, the stoic Sasuke so out of control, of composure, and that drives him crazy.

He feels drunk. Dizzy. Everything is spinning around him and there is nothing more than Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke.

There is nothing more than Sasuke and his hands and his lips and his skin and his hair. Everything is him and he is soft and cold and hot and he loves it.

They kiss and kiss and kiss until Naruto's lips are swollen. They kiss until the sky behind them is dark and both are numb from the cold. They kiss until Sasuke's hairstyle is ruined and until his lips hurt (in the best way).

And when they separated, Naruto has the forehead against Sasuke’s.

Sasuke is looking at him with misty eyes, as if he had just woken from a dream, and he looks so beautiful and precious and Naruto wants to kiss him again. Their breaths mingle and their hearts beat in unison against their chests.

Sasuke's cheeks are flushed and, although it could because of the cold, Naruto knows it's for something else and that makes him smile.

There is something warm and tender and soft and alive that continues to flutter in his chest and throat and it hurts, it hurts so much but in a good kind of way, and it makes him feel good and giddy. Reminds him why he is alive.

Sasuke makes him feel that way.

Alive. Wild. In peace.

Happy.

Sasuke's eyes have a million emotions reflected in them when the mist curtain is extinguished (not at all, but enough) and Naruto wonders if his eyes are as transparent and stormy and crazy as his. By the way Sasuke is looking at him he thinks they are.

And then Sasuke smiles. It is weak and fragile and soft and small, but it is a smile, and it is there, and Naruto smiles wider.

Sasuke is beautiful. Inside an out.

And he can’t stop looking at him.

And maybe his gaze is too intense because Sasuke's cheeks color grows as he closes his eyes and murmurs, "Usuratonkachi. Stop looking at me like that. I have a reputation to keep."

And Naruto laughs. He laughs and Sasuke smiles even wider, because Naruto's laugh could give world peace and could cure cancer. Because Naruto's laugh is beautiful and Naruto makes him happy.

Because both of them are happy there.

Because they both know what love is without having even seen the other in person before.

Because both fell in love with words so intensely that the feeling couldn’t be extinguished.

Because everything is beautiful and lovely and perfect.

.

.

.

A/N: So... how was it? this is my first attempt for a sns fanfic, so don't be so rude, okay? I'm sorry if it's awful, it was just an idea I had and I wrote it for fun. Also, English is not my first language, so I'm so sorry for any grammatical mistake in here, i did my best.

[blogadrianaleite-blog]

Entre a Geração 80 e a Geração Rock Nacional, Sempre Rola essa Pergunta: Between the 80th generation and the national rock generation, this question always comes up:

CAZUZA?

Gay

Mimado

Maltratava a mãe

Não duvido que não a amasse, mas seu egoísmo, egoncentrismo, fazia com que sua mãe passasse por verdadeiros dramas, seu pai, vendo no que se tornou o filho, por culpa talvez, deles próprios, abandonou de vez  tentativa de educar o garoto

Egocêntrico ao extremo, ser amigo dele tinha suas vantagens, mas era um fardo muito difícil. Falava, maltratava todos a sua volta sem medir consequências

Cantou e escreveu boas músicas nenhuma delas extraordinárias

Não, ele não era um visionário. Dizer em uma música “a burguesia fede/eu sou burguês mas eu sou artista” é o mesmo papo da atual classe artística que se diz detentora de privilégios estatais por serem artistas. Pra ver que o discurso é antigo, porém, naquela época eles mamavam nas tetas do governo e não havia uma voz oposta que criticasse o modo deles enriquecerem “legitimamente”, as custas dos impostos do cidadão brasileiro.

Pisou na bandeira brasileira em um show

Sua vida rendeu um bom filme biográfico

Um babaca, talentoso, mas babaca

OU

RENATO RUSSO?

Gay

Mimado (?)

Amava a mãe

Bem sua família é de classe média alta. Improvável que não crescesse com privilégios, mas não creio que tenha sido um fator de personalidade adulta.

Egocêntrico:

Claro que não.

Cantou e escreveu músicas espetaculares. Incapazes de serem compreendidas pela atual geração Paulo Freire, aquela que , se não houver putaria, estupro ou um clip onde a cantora exibe as genitálias, ele não ouve e não entende.

Sim, criticou o país, talvez nem fosse nacionalista, mas tinha ciência da sua cidadania e cobrava que o Estado brasileiro se tornasse uma nação.

Sua vida rendeu um filme, e ainda mais dois, baseados apenas nas letras das suas músicas, dois deles, infelizmente, uma bosta, por culpa do diretor e roteiristas, que apesar de terem uma boa base nas mãos, fizeram um lixo de filme que tinha tudo pra lotar os cinemas, pois os fãs de Renato russo e Legião vêm se renovando, fizeram duas vergonhosas, porcarias que após um lançamento prometendo quebrar recorde, esvaiu-se na segunda semana. Não tenho boas perspectivas sobre Eduardo e Mônica, mesmo diretor e roteirista.

Ídolo; não tenho outra definição. Ídolo.

 Sabem agora qual a minha preferência entre um e outro, né?

  Que comecem a pancadaria nos comentários, não tô nem aí...

Between Generation 80 and the National Rock Generation, this Question always rolls:

Cazuza?

Gay Spoiled He mistreated his mother I don't doubt that he didn't love her, but her selfishness, egoncentrism, caused her mother to go through real dramas, her father, seeing what became her son, because of their own, abandoned once and for all an attempt to educate the boy. Self-centered to the extreme, being his friend had its advantages, but it was a very difficult burden. He talked, mistreated everyone around him without measuring consequences Sang and wrote good songs none of them extraordinary No, he wasn't a visionary. To say in a song "the bourgeoisie stinks/I am bourgeois but I am an artist" is the same talk of the current artistic class that claims to hold state privileges for being artists. To see that the speech is old, however, at that time they breast-feeding the tits of the government and there was an opposing voice that criticized the way they enriched "legitimately", the costs of taxes of the Brazilian citizen. Stepped on the Brazilian flag in a show His life yielded a good biographical film An asshole, talented, but an asshole.

Or

RENATO RUSSO? Gay Spoiled (?) I loved her mother Well, your family is upper middle class. It's unlikely he wouldn't grow up with privileges, but I don't think it was an adult personality factor. Egocentric: Of course i'm not. He sang and wrote spectacular songs. Unable to be understood by the current generation Paulo Freire, the one who , if there is no whore, rape or a clip where the singer displays the genitals, he does not hear and does not understand. Yes, he criticized the country, perhaps not even a nationalist, but he was aware of his citizenship and demanded that the Brazilian state become a nation. His life yielded a film, and two more, based only on the lyrics of his songs, two of them, unfortunately, a piece of shit, through the fault of the director and screenwriters, who despite having a good base in their hands, made a movie trash that had everything to fill the theaters, because fans of Russian Renato and Legion have been renewing themselves, made two shameful , crap that after a release promising to break record, went off in the second week. I don't have good prospects about Eduardo and Monica, even director and screenwriter. Idol; I have no other definition. Idol.

You know now what my preference is between one and the other, right?

Let the beating begin in the comments, I don't care...

Legião urbana/Renato Russo

https://open.spotify.com/track/5uWxvDP5WpEv3L2lpLOCCE?si=_Mjs56QHRrSyi9JigDeHoQ

Cazuza 

https://open.spotify.com/track/7J63EO3qdXc9Dhhphb0W42?si=hulsmqtkRROp0BCLx1GOtQ

[the-desolated-quill]

The Snowmen - Doctor Who blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

The Snowmen has got to be the least Christmassy Christmas special ever, and believe it or not I mean that in a positive way. Doctor Who Christmas specials have always left a bit of a sour taste in my mouth, not just because most of them have been poorly written and just plain idiotic, but also because every year the show seems determined to drown you in slush. To its credit, The Snowmen does manage to escape that somewhat, keeping the slush to a minimum. Okay the villain is ultimately defeated by ‘a family crying at Christmas’, but it never comes off as mawkish and there is actually a decent in-universe explanation for how that worked, so I’ll allow it just this once.

So who are the villains? A deadpan Richard E. Grant and some carnivorous snow voiced by Ian McKellen. Compared to other Christmas special villains, they’re fairly good. Out of the two, Mr. Simian’s character is the weak link because we don’t learn anything about his character or the nature of his relationship with the snow, but Grant’s performance is still pretty good and it holds your attention. Ian McKellen also does a decent job with the material he’s been given, and I do like the idea of alien snow, even if the bitey snowflakes and smiling snowmen were a bit gigglesome (and the less said about the bad CGI ice governess, the better I think). It’s a bit like the robot Santas and killer Christmas trees from the RTD era. It’s silly, but it’s enjoyably silly. And as an added treat for us classic series fans, it turns out this episode is actually an origin story for the Great Intelligence. Usually you can see Moffat’s plot twists coming several galaxies away, so I was kicking myself that I didn’t pick up on it the first time. Particularly considering how the hints and Easter Eggs are so obvious on rewatches. The Snowmen as in The Abominable Snowmen and the Yeti. A disembodied voice trying to gain a physical form. The map of the London Underground. The snow is being kept in a giant sphere inside Simian’s office. And of course the initials GI. So yeah, that was a nice callback.

All in all, this could have been a fairly decent Christmas special. Nothing to write home about, but still watchable. Unfortunately The Snowmen is ruined by one thing and that’s the characters. Good fucking God are they horrendous!

Let’s start with the Doctor. After losing Amy and Rory, he has decided that he doesn’t want to travel or help people anymore and is now living above England on a cloud as a lonely old miser.

Fuck off! Not in this universe nor in any other universe would this EVER happen!

You may recall a couple of years ago when I reviewed the RTD era that I really didn’t like the Doctor’s reaction when he lost Rose. it just felt too human and it didn’t really gel with his character. He’s lost companions before. He mourns, but he moves on. Why would Rose be any different? But credit where it’s due, at least the Doctor kept travelling through time and space rather than stay in once place and sulk because RTD knew that that at least is something the Doctor would definitely never do. Here... I mean you can’t even use the excuse that the Doctor was in love with Amy. I’m not saying he wouldn’t be emotionally affected by what happened. I’m just questioning why he would be this emotionally affected to the point where he would actually refuse to help people in need. It just feels totally out of character.

Plus it really does display just how arrogant Moffat is. Of course it would be his characters that caused the Doctor to sink into a deep depression and only his character can bring him out of it. And of course his characters are what inspired the creation of Sherlock Holmes, which he will later adapt in his god awful Sherlock TV show. Christ Moffat, I hope you’ve got plenty of tissues to clean the mess up with after you’ve finished wanking yourself.

Matt Smith doesn’t help matters. His turn as a reclusive miser just isn’t in the least bit convincing, but at least it’s preferable to when he magically makes a full recovery and reverts back to his obnoxious goofy self. This is the Doctor now everyone. A man who has arguments with his own hand and sexually molests Punch and Judy dolls. (Sigh. Only 11 episodes to go Quill. Just hang on).

We also see the return of the Paternoster Gang. A group of one dimensional, unfunny cardboard cutouts that people really seem to like for some reason. Strax is by far the worst, with each bad joke and moment of incompetence driving another nail into the coffin of the Sontarans forever. (But wait, isn’t Strax supposed to be dead? Ah fuck it! Everybody knows death is only a minor inconvenience in the Moffat era. Who cares if it ruins the impact of future deaths or that it completely contradicts Sontaran lore. Just laugh at the Doctor calling him a potato, something the Doctor would also never do because I’m sure that’s racist to Sontarans). And Vastra and Jenny have the same problems as every other Moffat woman in that they have no character or agency of their own. They exist solely to help the Doctor. Also Jenny is in a dominatrix outfit for some reason, and they openly talk about being gay. Two things that would definitely have caused shock and outrage in the rigid and repressed Victorian era.

Actually that’s one thing that really pisses me off about New Who and this episode in particular. None of it is true to the period. Clara is completely contemporary in both her outlook and behaviour, and everything unsavoury about the period is dismissed with the Doctor’s sneer of ‘Victorian values.’ Yes this is the Victorian era, but it’s the Victorian era you’d find on the front of a Christmas card. It’s very easy to just sneer at a period of history and congratulate ourselves for how much better we are today, but why not actually explore the era properly? What’s that saying? The past is like another country? Let the audience see that. Why not have Clara behave like a woman during the Victorian era would and have the Doctor come in to challenge that? Have the episode be a clash of different attitudes and values.

Speaking of Clara, she is by far the worst thing about this episode. I honestly didn’t think it could get any worse than Oswin in Asylum Of The Daleks, but boy was I wrong. She is just insufferable. She’s really smug and smarmy and not in the least bit likeable or believable. She’s like River Song, but 10x worse. Also it doesn’t help that Jenna Coleman decides to give Clara this really bad ‘gor blimey guvner! Strike a light! Up the apples an’ pears’ Cockney accent. (Brief side note, why was she keeping the whole nanny thing secret?). I’m certainly not buying her supposed special connection with the Doctor. That’s another thing Moffat is guilty of. He’s so shit at writing female characters that he can’t effectively convey whey they might be so unique in their actions or behaviour, so he has to just flat out tell the audience instead. Well I’m sorry, but that shit just won’t fly. What reason does Clara have for chasing the Doctor’s cab? What reason does the Doctor have for being impressed with Clara despite the fact she’s done nothing remotely noteworthy? What reason does Clara have for snogging the Doctor’s face off despite the two sharing no romantic chemistry whatsoever? Answer: the script said so. Maybe if Moffat spent less time writing stupid scenes like the ‘respond with one word’ interrogation and more time actually developing her character, I might have actually given a shit when she died. (I mean for fuck’s sake, talk about disappearing up your own arse. How the fuck would Clara have known the word ‘Pond’ would have passed the one word test? How does ‘Pond’ convey she needs the Doctor’s help? What is even the fucking point of the one word test other than as a pathetic attempt for Moffat to try and look deep and intelligent as opposed to a pretentious halfwit? God, he’s such a shit writer).

Worse still, despite the fact Moffat had insisted that Series 7 won’t contain a series arc, it turns out Clara constantly dying is going to be a series arc now. So it looks like we’re going to be stuck with this ungodly annoying woman for quite a considerable time. Bugger!

While The Snowmen is considerably less slushy than some of the previous Christmas specials, I unfortunately have to stick this in the bad category along with the likes of Voyage Of The Damned and The Doctor, The Widow, And The Wardrobe due to its terrible characterisation and Moffat’s pretentious, egocentric bullshit.

[scriptscribbles]

I know you're more of a Moffat era kind of guy, but could you talk meta a bit about Waters of Mars and especially what it shows about The Doctor/Ten ? Thanks ♥

Oh, I think it says so, so much about him.

The Tenth Doctor’s arc is a fascinating but complicated one, in that the biggest issues he faces are largely unspoken but always present. Because Ten has a tendency toward, dare I say, hubris? Egocentrism, perhaps. He talks himself up and walks about like he owns the place, regardless of the impact.

That’s skewered him before. Midnight is all about how easily he can turn people against him because of how he is, for one thing. He’s the one thing scared people don’t need to hear, in that situation, and they all turn on him. And, in the end, he’s meaningless to the resolution. He tries to make himself the center of that story and makes things worse until someone whose name we never even learn proves to be the real hero. Similarly, series 2 is all about those kinds of consequences for Ten and Rose. They create Torchwood, through their actions and through this kind of attitude. Indeed, earlier drafts had Torchwood created not just because they horrified Queen Victoria, but because they got her killed and accidentally created an alternate history (god, I’d have loved to see that version). Their separation and heartbreak at the end isn’t just an arbitrary thing, but an inevitable ending to their glory days, as their adventures came at the expense of people around them. A sort of privilege, if you will.

And so that’s what The Waters of Mars hinges on. Saving the people regardless of arbitrary history, is, of course, the moral thing, no matter how much you talk up the arc of history being pushed by it. Hell, the Doctor even spells that out, Adelaide could easily inspire her descendants just the same by living. I think, personally, the mistake Ten really makes that Adelaide takes upon herself to rectify is one of presumption. The way he presumes to have the right to tell them to die, then to live, the whole Time Lord Victorious attitude, that’s wrong. Him treating other people as lesser players in his great story is wrong, and him treating himself as a sort of “lonely god” is wrong. He wants to save people, of course he does, but he lets himself become too important to himself and see himself as the center of the story. I seem to recall Davies saying once that he didn’t see the Doctor as a god despite criticism, but wanted to show the damage of him being seen that way. I think this is the furthest that ever goes, with it going to his head and making him assume control of people’s lives.

I guess that sums up The End of Time ending, really, too. He feels like he could do so much more, save so many more people all by himself, if he just lets Wilf go. And that’s the problem. He always needs to remember the little people he lets die in his wake and do what he can to save them, otherwise the whole process of saving lives and fighting monsters is meaningless.

[elizabethrobertajones]

About Destiel... Someone close to me who loves Spn and chat with me and all that but doesn't involve in Tumblr, or fanarts or whatever bc of man stereotypes (those are crap, really) told me yesterday that Dean was egocentric. I was like Are you fúcking kidding me, but he explained that there is a very thin line between hate and love, and for Dean to hate himself he had to have loved himself before, or something like that. I think it's interesting, so i wanted to know your opinion about this

Pfft, Tumblr cooties. 

I have to say I didn’t expect that logic to go where it did :P

I think Dean has a lot of anxiety and obvious self-esteem issues, but if I was going to look at him as being egocentric I’d be much more interested in examining his personal relationships than that… I’ve been musing on this while drinking my morning coffee (and sorry, this is going to be a headache & coffee reply :P) and thinking about Dean would ever have loved himself for that to turn into hate by that logic. 

I could think of 2 suggestions for how you could get to self-hate from there - the acceptably selfish love he’d have learned for himself as a kid while Mary was still alive (someone deserving of hugs and having the crusts cut off his sandwiches) and would have been destroyed under the burden of having to put himself second or third in the family unit, especially to Sam, once they’re on the road and he’s sort of raising Sam as the stand-in mother from age 4 onwards… Dean suffers from more and more extreme arcs about the loss of self, but the first “version” of Dean is one he lost early on and might have been the only Dean really able to uncomplicatedly love himself and believe himself worthy of that love, even if it’s in that way where to a 4 year old of course they’re the centre of the universe :P

There’s also a more complex thought I had and sorry, this is first thing in the morning for me so I hope I can explain properly… (Also this reply gets really long because of that… Sorry :P)

Looking at Dean’s self-loathing backwards, in how he ever expresses positive things about himself, I’m coming up mostly with all the snarky cutesy comments about how awesome he is and so on, which is pretty much always a great big helping of performing Dean. His self-worth is tied a lot into being a hunter (and he is occasionally sincerely proud of himself there), but overall that’s another persona, and the one he grew up into instead of the happy Dean with a normal childhood who might not have so many reasons to hate himself (Dean in 2x20, what you can gather about his personal life in the dream, is still completely affected by Dean’s own perception of himself so I don’t think it’s good data on how he’d live his life if he grew up with no monsters). 

Performing Dean, which that sequence at the end of 3x10 still shows best of any moment in the show, is all (when it comes down to it) something Dean acts under the expectation of what John would want or self-policed by what he thinks John would approve of. There’s an idealised version of Dean in his own head who is basically John or what Dean thinks John would have wanted him to be, and Dean’s lack of self-esteem is sometimes (dramatically) expressed in relation to feeling like he’s disappointed this spectre of John’s memory, and a great deal of his self-loathing comes from falling short of these standards. He’s definitely got better over time and learned to express himself more (by Dean standards) but his progress is always being interrupted, and this is such a core part of Dean I don’t think he can ever completely change it without altering his life in such a way there wouldn’t even be a show any more :P It’s not strictly “love” but it’s an idealised version of himself and also a key part of Dean’s sense of self and at least in the early seasons (before 3x10 let’s say :P) the version of himself he would want to love and live up to.

Anyway… idk about linking any of that directly to Dean being egocentric? I mean, that’s a reading you can make of him, I’m just not sure what part it plays. I should probably say immediately that I think Dean is very empathetic, and so that necessarily means in general he’s putting himself in others’ shoes when we’re looking at generic interpersonal relationships, plus the whole saving people thing, mean anything else I talk about, I’m giving Dean huge allowances here because I do think he’s kind and IN GENERAL puts others first, all the time. 

I know I have a tag about Dean being the centre of the universe, but for the most part I treat that as a joke on Dean where he doesn’t know it. On the other hand, the one major major time he exerts that power, in 5x22, he absolutely makes the entire apocalypse about him and his feelings and his need to talk to Sam before Michael and Lucifer fight, and uses that to save the world, so… Idk :P It’s not strictly a bad thing at all on a grand scale? Staying in season 5 for a minute (and sorry, Superwiki is not working right now so no quotes >.>), 5x11 explores Dean’s sense of the burden of the entire planet, and I think you could argue either way that he has an altruistic sense of having to save everyone, or focus on the “but why does it have to be him” thing, about how much he’s internalised that burden and in a way made it about himself. I feel like between his conditioning growing up to save people (and in season 1 he was altruistically the “saving people” side of “saving people hunting things” while Sam was the latter and revenge-focused) and the huge burdens the world puts on him, I don’t really think it’s fair to consider that Dean just happened to absorb this message because he’d be inclined to the idea of the world being on his shoulders, but that he is what the world made him especially with all the talk of Destiny and the feeling like no one else is remotely stuck in the cross hairs like they are. His reaction to being resurrected in 4x02 is skin-crawling horror that he’s been centred out for this sort of attention. When in big plot situations, his response can be read as egocentric, it’s not necessarily a criticism, especially as Dean is usually right, and it mostly gets the job done.

… Dealing with people, though. Idk, then it gets tricky :P Dean’s got a very strong moral centre and he expects others to hold up to his standards all the time. (I just watched through the end of season 6, and for example Dean arguing with Cas after the reveal is asking Cas to trust him and do as Dean says just because Dean believes it’s completely right and Cas is wrong. He doesn’t have any answers to help Cas this late in the game when they’re so deep into all these plans and disaster is looming and they’re out of time to deal with it, but in a way it’s almost like in 4x21 where Bobby’s telling Dean that Sam will die if they keep detoxing him, and Dean yells that at least Sam will die human - better to go out honourably than to betray yourself/Dean’s expectations of you. Being the moral core of the group DOES make it revolve around Dean’s principles, especially as he has a natural leadership to him and he can get used to what he says, goes. Like, in the latest episode, he makes the deal with Billie, and expects it to be about him when it comes to time to die… Mary getting between that abruptly shatters Dean’s centrality there, because the family unit is bigger than Dean and with so many more people involved in it, Mary and Cas hog all the drama of that moment, and in a way Dean only brought it to them. (And Sam, who only agreed to the deal, aside from badgering Dean to talk about it and getting shut down because Dean would clearly not want Sam to be the one to die, is also most used to operating under Dean’s rules and as the assumed survivor in Dean’s ideal scenario for that deal, had basically nothing to do with it aside from agreeing to a sketchy blood pact in the first place >.>)

Anyway watching through as far as I have (just watched 7x03) I do feel like I’ve been watching Dean’s moral authority grow and grow - as a response to trauma and to all the unimaginable situations he’s found himself in. Like the other characters, all the stuff that got them to the finish line in season 5, once in season 6 becomes much more dangerous and under the microscope for character development in a different way as the story switches from being sort of mythical to more about the interpersonal stuff. Dean by 7x03 has been shaken up by the ongoing problems with Sam, and Cas’s betrayal, and monsters that they don’t know how to kill, to the sort of place where his need for control, which was nurtured by all the apocalypse arc stuff by putting the burden directly on him, kind of now is definitely crossing over from a positive to neutral character trait to a definitely bad one… Honestly I feel like him ditching Sam and driving off to kill Amy because he doesn’t trust Sam is the real moment Dean snaps and sets off his arc that eventually leads to the Mark of Cain stuff, or Gadreel, which were all about Dean’s sense of control and his problems maintaining it that all play into his downfall arc as demon!Dean. (I honestly believe he’s so much more well-balanced in season 11 and 12 after all the character development Dean went through in season 10 - he was getting alarmingly zen and full of self-acceptance just before they pushed him  back over the edge… although it really needs a long view on it, like, I wasn’t certain for sure until 11x23 about how this was going for Dean, and he keeps doing stuff like these deals so it’s sort of like… he’s getting BETTER I’m not saying he’s perfect now :P) 

Anyway when it comes to Destiel, which I guess was the original reason you asked this based on your opening line… I think Dean DOES sometimes come across as egocentric - times when he puts himself or his problems first (the worst example being kicking Cas out of the Bunker). I’ve seen it argued a lot that Dean doesn’t really understand Cas to a certain level of Cas being vulnerable and/or someone he can really hurt this way, mostly because he has expectations literally to high Heaven about what Cas is and what he can do, and Cas is getting more and more human (only sometimes literally) but Dean has a lot of trouble bringing Cas down to his level. That “applications for sainthood” line about Dean and relationships is one of the best for looking at Dean and interpersonal relationships. That mixes HIS expectations (the egocentric side) with adoration and an expectation from others that he projects onto them, which is a much more selfless love but I guess no less dangerous when it comes to people disappointing him, because it comes as a blow to his entire world view. Like in 6x20 where Dean refused so long to think that Cas would betray them. Not just because Dean selfishly thinks everyone should do what he says (which is how it can come across) but because he truly believes those he loves would not do bad things. (Which also can explain his really extreme reactions to the bad stuff Sam does and Dean’s absolute reactions to it. In 4x22 when Dean’s moping about Sam to Bobby, Bobby calls Dean out on sounding like his father, which I think says a lot about where this behaviour in general comes from, again, all the absolutes and black and white thinking.) 

Anyway Dean said himself in 11x23 to Cas in the beer run, that he and Sam can get very caught up in their own stuff and forget to care about the things outside their problems, acknowledging how Cas had got a bit left to the wayside. I think that means Dean does genuinely struggle with this - and it’s now finally something that maybe they can really address after it was allowed to escalate so far over many seasons… historically almost every time there’s something wrong with Cas, Dean is slow on the uptake or it comes to smack him in the face he can’t be objective about it and generally makes the situation worse before it gets better (or swept under the rug into the growing pile of trauma Cas deals with >.>)… 

Now we’re getting some real Cas-focused episodes/a whole arc, and Cas’s problems are really out there again, I hope that means for Dean getting to face them properly as well and NOT reacting in the same way he often does. If there are far fewer issues around because all the plot has de-escalated a bit, HOPEFULLY that will let him focus on stuff outside himself? Like, though he didn’t react great to Cas leaving afterwards, when Cas actually announced he was going, Sam and Dean chased after him, and it was clear in that moment Dean genuinely was tuned in to something being up with Cas and without any other major problems to worry about that could take priority over that, and was concerned about Cas. 

I’m really hoping when it comes to Dean’s awareness of Cas’s issues he’s just had a huge wake up call, especially about how much Cas cares about them all, and while that was all about “the Winchesters” the show endlessly puts Dean n Cas just a little notch above everything else in that dynamic (Dean getting the more dramatic reaction to seeing Cas, sitting with him in the car, being the one to phone him, Sam as an outside observer to that and what Dean did and didn’t tell Cas… Even when all the language seemed to be very generically about the family as a whole, they are still singled out within it…)

But yeah, I’m not at all a bitter Cas fan who thinks Dean is cruel to Cas so I’m saying this out of wanting them to be better than they already are, not like this is a barrage of accusations levelled at Dean for being self-centred :P I try to always follow both their perspectives on a thing because there’s always huge misunderstandings. And sadly when Dean has a misunderstanding with Cas  he often lashes out at him, and that also makes it look in a lot of circumstances like Dean is being self-centred, where from his perspective he feels just as wronged by Cas and is already desperate and angry when they start a conversation (still thinking of season 6 and I guess their epic miscommunication in the end of season 7, or Dean’s lack of understanding in season 8 after the crypt scene, which is a moment that piles on a huge mess Dean’s already feeling so he doesn’t react out of the blue to randomly be angry with Cas when he shows up again…) Dean’s kind of terrible all round at interpersonal relationships… I’m very sympathetic to him there so it doesn’t upset me as long as I can understand WHERE he’s gone wrong. 

… I should probably stop talking here because I have no idea what you actually wanted here but I have been spewing way too many thoughts at you to no real conclusion… This reply is way too long but I can’t think how to cut it down aside from just not making entire points or not answering :P