#okay. so now on the other hand. let's look at how happy and enlightened I've felt since starting to *use* the aro label

[genderfluid-druid]

dropping thoughts like laundry into the aromanticism washing machine and watching them spin. taking little notes in a fancy journal titled "greyro??" and crossing them out, but then going back and scribbling an addendum. holding up an extravagant glass beaker full of a cool bubbling potion and peering at it through safety glasses that say "mind the amatonormativity!"

[cheerfullycatholic]

Hello--I have sent asks to other Catholics and am a little scared that I will confuse details between them because I am upset and afraid right now, but will you please pray for me?

I have been failing miserably at following any of the plans I set out for Lent, and on Ash Wednesday, our priest told us that Lent is a contract with God, meaning that if we don't follow through or aren't really committed then it isn't God who comes to collect and give you blessing, but it is the Devil who swoops into fulfill his job as Satan.

I'm sorry for sending this on anonymous--this plan is posted very publicly on my side blog, but it wouldn't let me ask under that name and I don't want people connecting the two. Anyway, I would talk to my current and local priest about this, but I have previously been involved in a controversy with members of the Diocese because of some things I believed, and I don't want to drag those still active members into more drama, nor do I want to end hurting new people who are only trying to serve my community as best they can.

I'm scared of judgement, drama, and unintended consequences. I only want to do the right thing. I'm scared, upset, feeling very alone and worried that God is not happy with me because I am failing so hard at these things I agreed to. I've been getting positive signs, but I am afraid that I am only reading into it what will comfort me and not taking srsly the consequences or the intentions of my actions. I know my current priest believes very heavily in spiritual warfare and I am afraid he will try to exorcise me or that I will end up being condemned.

{{{{{Lenten Plans from the Universe/The Messiah/The Golden Timeline (02/13/24)

Okay so basically, here is the plan--handed down through divine intuition or signs or whatever gave me the information--I trust the information source--so here's my spiritual cleanse for the 40 days:

3 days of (as close as possible) no sleep--72 straight hours--then 2 days of regular sleep schedule for the next 40 days

40 days of no more than 1200 calories every day

40 days no spend (outside of food and bills)

40 days (at least) of no medication (exception--Excedrin Migraine but only in extreme situations...)

Increased prayer/communing/sign reading

***I want to be clear that this is something that I am doing for my own spiritual cleanse and enlightenment and enrichment and etc; I'm not advertising this as a responsible or safe or anything--this isn't a recommendation--you're welcome to join me in an attempt but consult with your own support system including mental health team.***}}}}}

I am in contact with my mental health team, including my therapist and they are aware of what I am doing, and they are trying to support me, but they aren't Catholic, and they don't know the anxieties that come with the rituals and traditions of the Church. I am very scared, and I hope you are having a beautiful Lent. God bless you; I know if you find my side blog that it has a lot of very controversial statements about the Church and my beliefs--but I'm trying my best to make sense of what is happening, and I do not want to be insulting. I'm scared about that too--that all the Catholic blogs I admire will find that place where I explore spirituality and think I am being flippant or cruel or sacrilegious when I don't mean it that way at all. I am confused, scared, and very, very much trying to do what is right. God bless you and thank you for reading this--I understand if you do not post this, but I would still appreciate prayers--I know you are kind enough to pray for me even if I am a blasphemer. I will keep you in my prayers as well.

Of course I'll pray, but I also need to say something

Lent isn't a contract, it's a time of prayer and fasting in preparation for the Resurrection. God isn't looking down on us with a giant microscope to see who stumbles with their Lenten promises to add to His list of naughty kids, that's not how it works and your priest is wrong. It's human to mess up sometimes, especially with promises as extreme as yours. Thankfully, God is merciful enough to not condemn us for it. Now, I do believe the devil can use moments when we stumble for his own gain, but we can stop him by not feeling discouraged and continuing on as best as we can. Media has made the devil out to be this scary, unmovable force, but he's not. He's a weenie

I really like this quote from an article I once read on Grotto Network

If you have fallen away from your Lenten practice, there’s no scorebook where you’ll be penalized. It might be a good time to re-evaluate what you are committing to and why, and to listen for ways the Lord might be leading you in a new direction. In Lent, we remember Jesus who himself fell three times en route to Calvary. And three times he got back up and continued on. In Lent, as in all seasons, Jesus is our companion and guide. No matter how perfectly we’ve executed our Lenten disciplines so far, it’s never too late to continue to walk with Him toward Good Friday and Easter Sunday.

[mackenzielovee]

ambivalence blurb: i never existed - rafe cameron

a/n: takes place after moonlight , but before any series parts! hope you enjoy :)

Warnings: mentions of drug use, mentions of sex, swearing, underage drinking

series masterlist

Stumbling through Topper's rather large foyer and through the sea of people, Rafe finally sees his best friend leaning up against the wall, chatting up some cheerleader he goes to school with. Rafe sniffles and wipes his nose, doing his best to hide the evidence from Topper before he approaches. The last thing he needs is another lecture.

Rafe walks up behind Topper, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and pulling him away from the girl.

"Whoa, Rafe, what the hell? You're gonna stretch out my shirt," Topper objects, yanking away from him, "Chill out, bro."

"I thought you said she was coming," Rafe says, keeping his voice low.

"She told me she was, dude," Topper shrugs.

"Well, I don't see her."

"Okay, I know you're not blind," Topper snaps, "She's probably with John B. Listen, you need to get over it. They've been dating for, like, four months, she's happy-"

"Shut up, Top," Rafe groans, "Just, shut up."

Topper holds his hands up in defense, "I'm just saying, man. There are so many other girls. Allow me to enlighten you."

Topper wraps his arm around Rafe's shoulders, leading him into the kitchen and gesturing toward the room full of random girls. Most of whom Rafe had never seen before. Or, at least, never cared to see.

"Option one," Topper declares, "Sydney McCall. Family friend, obviously has a crush on you, and if you're taking her to Midsummers tomorrow night, you could always, y'know, pregame tonight."

Rafe looks over at Topper, giving him an 'are you fucking kidding me?' look. Topper frowns, then moves on.

"Option two. Scarlett Reynolds. Sarah's friend, maybe a little immature, but, hey, she seems like she'd be fun. Plus, she's always blushing when you're around. Definitely wants to get her heart broken by the Rafe Cameron."

"Don't want them," Rafe grunts.

"All right, option-"

"Topper," Rafe sighs, "I'm just gonna get drunk."

"No," Topper denies, tightening his grip on Rafe, "You're done sulking over Y/N. I love that girl, I do, but I've had it. I hate to say it, buddy, but she doesn't like you back. Sorry. That's the way it goes. You gotta move on. Now, it's between Scar and Sydney. Pick, or I'll pick for you."

"Option three," Rafe declares.

"I didn't name a third girl."

"Yeah, well I did. And she has a boyfriend. So, respectfully, Top, I'll be getting drunk tonight."

Rafe tries to break away, but Topper just shakes his head, pulling Rafe right back to his spot. When Rafe sighs and stands still, Topper lets go of him and grabs a solo cup, handing it to Rafe.

"Let's go chat with Sydney McCall, how about that?" Topper asks him.

Rafe rolls his eyes, trying his best not to deck his best friend when he slaps his arm around his shoulders again, leading him across the room.

"Hey, ladies," Topper greets the group, sending an extra smile to his girlfriend, Sarah, who he'd been dating for two months, "What's going on over here?"

"Just talking, Top," Sarah says, patting the space beside her on the couch for her boyfriend to sit.

"Us, too. Sydney, Rafe was just telling me how excited he is about Midsummers tomorrow. Tell her, Rafe," Topper pats Rafe on the back, then shoves him down on the couch in extremely close proximity to Sydney.

"Hi, Rafe," Sydney says shyly, a bit of redness hinting at her cheeks as she looks at him.

"Hey," he says, nodding his head slightly. He looks down at the cup Topper had handed him, taking a long gulp of the beer. He knows he'll need to be drunk for this conversation. He finds Sydney McCall to be extremely dull.

"I'm really excited for Midsummers tomorrow. My mom sent over everything to make sure we coordinate, right?" she asks, scooting closer to him.

"Not sure," Rafe shrugs, still staring at the cup, which is almost empty now, "My stepmom handles that."

"Oh. Yeah, Rose is great. How long has she been married to your dad?"

Trying his best not to roll his eyes, Rafe looks to Topper and holds his cup up, signaling for him to get him another. Topper nods, giving Rafe a thumbs up. Rafe's not sure why, until he feels Sydney press her entire body up against his side. She's shifted in her seat, so her front faces him.

"Um, they got married when I was ten."

"That's nice," she smiles.

"Yeah."

Sydney presses her lips to her cup once more, taking a sip of beer. When Topper returns, he hands Rafe a full beer and a shot.

"Bottoms up, dude," Topper mutters, then leans in to Rafe's ear and whispers, "Go for it. She's practically handing herself to you."

Rafe stares at the alcohol for a long time, knowing that he's so high he probably shouldn't drink all of it. When he glances around the room one last time, no sign of her and the feeling of Sydney fucking McCall pressing her breasts up against him, he downs the shot and uses the beer as a chaser.

"I forgot how big of a drinker you are," Sydney laughs, setting her hand on Rafe's arm as she scoots even closer to him.

Rafe chuckles, the shot burning his throat, "Didn't know you were ever aware."

"I saw you at Kelce's party last week," she says, beginning to stroke his arm, "You were throwing those tequila shots back like water."

Rafe thinks back to the party. It had been the day after a Thursday night dinner, no, the Thursday night dinner where Midsummers had been the topic. He'd had to listen to her talk to Rose about corsages and color coordination and pictures. Rose had eaten it all up, asking her question after question about her shiny boyfriend.

"Do you know why men drink so much, Sydney?" Rafe asks, turning to look at her for the first time since he sat down. He feels that shot, and the lines he'd done out on the patio, coursing through his body, giving him a new sense of self.

"No, I guess not," she shrugs, "Tell me."

"Women," Rafe says immediately, then shakes his head, "No. Not plural. One woman. A girl. Their girl. The girl that they want. Men drink because they can't have her. Because some douche bag from the wrong side of the island, who apparently only knows how to button one of the buttons on his shirt-"

"Cameron," Topper calls out, raising an eyebrow at Rafe, "How you doing, buddy?"

Rafe hadn't realized how he'd raised his voice as he spoke, feeling more than intoxicated now. He takes another long drink of his beer, then gives Topper a fake smile.

"Just great, Top."

"Who's your girl, Rafe?" Sydney asks quietly, her hand daring to go from his arm to his chest, rubbing up and down.

"Don't have one," he mumbles.

"Well," she speaks slowly, "I know it's not me, but it could be. For tonight, at least."

Rafe looks down at her, considering it for real for the first time. He'd known her a long time; even though she's kind of dull, she's a nice girl.

"I need another shot," Rafe finally says, unable to make a decision. He nods to Topper and then stands from the couch, not caring about Sydney's hand falling from his chest.

Topper follows Rafe into the kitchen, where he pours himself another shot of tequila.

"How's it going?" Topper questions.

"Want a shot?" Rafe distracts him, holding up the tequila bottle for reference.

"No. How's it going with Sydney?"

Rafe exhales loudly and turn to Topper, running his hands over his face before he speaks, "I don't know, man. It doesn't feel right."

"It doesn't feel right? What's happening to you? You're Rafe fucking Cameron, bro. And it's not like you haven't done this before. She gave you an in, so take it. Stop thinking about Y/N, because she sure as shit isn't thinking about you."

Rafe frowns, but considers this. Of course, Topper's right. She's not thinking about him. She's thinking about her boyfriend, exactly who she should be thinking about.

Rafe opens his mouth to speak, but hesitates when he hears it. When he hears her.

"Topper!"

Both boys turn, spotting her dragging John B through the crowd of people. Rafe inhales sharply, taking in every inch of her. There's something about her tonight, something different. He just can't put his finger on it, not with the shape he's in.

"Hey," Topper smiles, glancing at Rafe out of the corner of his eye, "You made it."

"Yeah, sorry we're late," she smiles, leaning into John B when he puts his arm around her.

Neither of them acknowledge Rafe, which is standard procedure at this point.

"Why do you look..." Topper trails off, glancing between them. He gasps, making her cheeks go red. John B laughs, kissing her forehead to confirm Topper's suspicion. Rafe furrows his eyebrows, trying to figure out what's going on, "Holy shit."

"Stop," she says.

"I can't believe you guys finally-"

"Top, don't tell anyone," she glances quickly at Rafe, who clears his throat and looks at the floor.

"Where?" he asks.

"The old church," she blushes, "It was really great."

Topper waves his hand, trying to spare Rafe a bit, "I'll have to hear about your glorious first time later. Grab a drink, I'll find you in a little bit."

Rafe's jaw drops when he figures out what they'd been discussing. She and John B excuse themselves, walking toward the group of people pouring beer into cups.

"She just..." Rafe trails off, "Topper, tell me she didn't-"

"She did, okay?" Topper sighs, setting a hand on Rafe's shoulder to comfort him.

"Oh, my God," Rafe groans, feeling his heart practically break in his chest.

"Relax, bro. Drink," Topper holds the already poured shot to him.

Rafe downs it, then pours another and takes that, too. The shots hit him almost immediately, but he can still feel the pain in his heart. He's beginning to think it's permanent.

"I'm gonna.." Rafe slurs, then shakes his head and redirects his sentence, "Got something to take care of, Top."

Topper nods his head, watching Rafe stumble back into the open living room. He walks over to the couches and stares at Sydney for a second, then silently holds his hand out. She smiles and accepts, letting him pull her up. She stands on her tip-toes and kisses him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He lets her, only because he knows she's in the other room.

"Upstairs," is all Rafe says to her, watching her bite her lip and nod, before he takes her hand and drags her with him through the house.

Midsummers comes fast for Rafe, who'd spent the morning hung over and regretful. Sydney McCall, who he is expected to hang out with tonight, texts him six times throughout the day, telling him how much fun the previous night had been. All of her messages go unanswered.

Rose had asked Rafe to text Sydney and have her come to the house for pictures beforehand, but he did not. When Sydney doesn't show, he just shrugs, not caring in the slightest about getting a good shot of the two. He just wants the night to be over with.

When the Camerons arrive at the Club, Sarah takes off immediately to find Topper. Sydney's waiting for Rafe by the door, no doubt expecting them to make some big, couple debut by walking in together.

"Did you get my messages?" she asks him, smoothing out her dress and waiting on him to say something about it.

"No," he lies, "Lost my phone."

"Oh, that's okay," she smiles, "You look really nice."

"I look like a cater waiter," Rafe grumbles, "Let's just go in."

"Okay," she agrees.

Reluctantly, Rafe holds his arm out and allows her to wrap hers through, gripping his bicep as they walk inside. Rafe spots her immediately upon entry, standing beside John B and laughing with Topper and Sarah.

Rafe leads Sydney in that direction, a small part of him hoping that maybe, if she sees him with another girl, she might feel something.

"Hey, there's my boy," Topper cheers, "What's up, Syd?"

Rafe watches as she turns, hand tangled up in John B's. He waits for a frown, a pause, anything. Instead, she keeps her expression even, doesn't say a word, then moves her eyes up to her boyfriend. Rafe sighs, plan failing yet again.

"It's a beautiful night," Sydney says, engaged in conversation with Topper and Sarah.

Rafe watches as she fawns over her boyfriend, resting her head down on his arm and smiles contently. She looks gorgeous, but Rafe knew she would. She matches John B perfectly, and it makes him sick how they look together. He feels his heart start to race in his chest, his body getting worked up.

"Top, have you seen Kelce?" Rafe asks, looking around the deck of the Club.

"Yeah, he's by the bar, I think."

"We should go find my parents," she says to John B, "They wanted us to take a picture with the lights and everything."

Rafe clenches his jaw, watching as she excuses herself from the group and brings her boyfriend with her.

"I'll be back," Rafe tells them, pulling his arm from Sydney without an apology and walking toward the bar.

Kelce is chatting with a few other members, discussing golf scores and mocking each other's swings. Rafe sets his hand on Kelce's shoulder, smiling tightly when he turns around.

"Cameron! I was just talking about you. What did you shoot the other day? Seventy? I swear-"

"Kelce," Rafe stops him, lowering his voice, "I need something."

"I'm not following, buddy," Kelce laughs.

"I need something, Kelce," he repeats, watching Kelce comprehend what he's saying.

"Come on."

Kelce leads Rafe into the Club, waiting until they get down a hallway with no other people to start talking.

"This isn't healthy, bro. I mean, taking a bit at a party is different than-"

"If I wanted a lecture, I would've stayed with Topper," Rafe grunts.

"I'm just saying," Kelce frowns, "You've gotta get yourself under control, Cameron. Doesn't your dad know about this?"

They stop in front of Kelce's assigned locker, Rafe leaning up against the one beside it and fixing his bow tie.

"Yeah, but he won't notice tonight. I'll stay clean next week, don't sweat it."

Kelce looks at Rafe, guessing he's probably lying, but opens his locker anyway. He pulls out the little bag and slaps it down in Rafe's hand, glancing around to see if anyone is around. Rafe tucks it in his pocket, wiping his nose and patting Kelce on the back.

"Owe you, bro."

"Rafe, stop," Kelce says before Rafe can walk away, "This is the last time. I mean it. Sooner or later, you gotta get your life back on track, all right?"

Rafe swallows, waiting a minute before nodding his head. He knows his best friend is right. Kelce nods when Rafe does, and the boys exchange a look before Rafe turns and stalks to the bathroom, relieving himself in two ways while he's inside.

When he comes back out, making his way to the deck, feeling way better than he had been before, he spots Sarah chatting up Matt McCall. Matt's leaned in close to her and she's smiling widely, looking like she's having the time of her life.

Rafe furrows his eyebrows and walks over to Topper, who holds a vodka tonic in his hand and is in mid conversation with a client of his dad's.

"Excuse me," Rafe says politely, wiping his nose with his index finger and thumb quickly just in case, "Top, can I borrow you?"

"Yeah. Excuse me, Mr. Dunlap," Topper shakes the man's hand, then walks off with Rafe.

"Why does Matt McCall practically have his tongue down my sister's throat right now?" Rafe asks, pointing to the two across the deck.

"They're just friends," Topper shakes his head, laughing it off.

"Just friends," Rafe scoffs.

"Yeah, just friends. She told me not to worry about it."

"She - oh, my God, do you know anything about women, dude?" Rafe questions.

"Excuse me? You've been pining over the same girl since you were six, don't come at me with all of that," Topper says, pointing sternly at Rafe, "Furthermore, didn't you hook up with Matt McCall's sister last night?"

"What's that got to do with it?" Rafe asks.

"Just wanted you to confirm it, that's all," Topper grins.

Rafe shoves him, and when they both look up again, Sarah and Matt are walking off the deck and inside the Club.

"Where do you..." Topper trails off, clearing his throat, "Where do you think they're going?"

"Probably donate to charity," Rafe mutters sarcastically, "Definitely about to hook up."

"Shut up," Topper grumbles, and when Rafe gives him a look, he adds, "I'm gonna go, um, check on them."

"Good plan," Rafe nods, waving as Topper walks away.

Rafe turns around and looks out at the crowd of people dancing, spotting her easily. John B spins her around, and Rafe smiles when he sees the wide grin on her face. When she presses a kiss to John B's lips, however, he turns around and walks over to the bar.

"Hey, Rafe," he hears, and turns to find Scarlett beside him.

"Aren't you underage?" he asks her, smirking.

"Aren't you?" she retorts.

"All right, fair," he laughs, and when she crosses his mind once again, he presses on, "What are you doing right now?"

"Exactly what I want to be doing."

The bartender hands Rafe his drink, and he downs about half of it before looking at her again.

"Talking?" he raises an eyebrow, "Or, what?"

"Wouldn't mind doing something else," she shrugs, "But, you're Sydney's date."

"Good thing I'm not dating her," he grunts.

"Oh, well, that's good," Scarlett considers. Rafe smirks, eyeing her up and down.

Rafe shifts in his stance when he feels a presence beside him, looking over to find John B leaning over the bar. He orders two drinks, one of which Rafe immediately knows is for her, then looks over to Rafe. John B stares at him for a second, exchanging a knowing glance before John B looks away again.

Rafe sighs, trying not to consider how she's going home with John B tonight and he's just supposed to be fine.

Rafe swallows the rest of his drink, then shifts over and places a hand on Scarlett's hip.

"The bathroom's currently occupied, but I know a decent storage closet," he says, already feeling the drink and the impact it has on him.

"Let's go."

She tangles her hand in Rafe's and leads him off, his heart sinking in his chest only when he sees her heading over to John B, wide smile on her face. If he'd just stayed there for one more minute, he would've had a shot at talking to her. He curses under his breath, but doesn't stop the girl from leading him inside.

Tags: @hollandsour @flowerkidlxrry @kookkyra @pogueslandia @sarahwasfound @fuzzyhumanpersontrash @rafecameronn @rafeswh0ree @outerbankies @morganwilliams @lilgoddesshines @proactivetypeofperson @abrunettefangirlnerd @the-chaotic-cow @absolute-fcking-chaos @dontstopxx @kaatelyyynn @hayley1623 @riseabovetheexpectations @divanca2006 @jordynsharum @dudinhahoff @anonymousobxfan @blue-4-55-readinglist @premixed-margarita @444f4iry @alularae3 @toolateformcrtooearlytoleaveemo @hopebaker @welcometomyworldwithoutrules @sk8rcal @ims0golden @princesspogue @gasolinesavages @outlaw-abby @samcaniglia @marveloussensations @igotmajordaddyissues @babeyglo @dr3aming0utl0udx @beskar-boba @billowingbanshee @thisisthewayrose @iammirrorball @layazul @cremextart @thesimpletype @fashphotolife @notdisneychannel @gillybear17

[jeojahari]

02 | kiss it better | myg

🠒 summary: you're one of the lucky ones, everyone else tells you. finding your soulmate the day you turn 18 isn't something that happens to a lot of people... but you and your other half are going to have to make a lot of progress to be able to tolerate each other.

or, you and yoongi can feel everything the other feels, and you're hell bent on causing each other pain.

🠒 pairing: yoongi x reader

🠒 genre: angst, fluff, e2l!au, soulmates!au, college au, crack?

🠒 warnings: profanity, implied smut

🠒 word count: 2.6K

🠒 notes: omg tysm for all the love im literally about to start happy sobbing rn TT i hope you enjoy this chapter!! <3

btw if my writing is not up to par at any time pls let me know, i'd hate to give you low effort writing TT

part 02: two band-aids

(series m. list)

"I am so fucking stupid."

"I know."

"I can't believe I just ran out of there without saying anything!"

"Ah. I can."

"How is it Yoongi, though? I don't understand! How can two people who are so obviously different and have zero chance at getting along be paired like this?!"

"Hey," Jimin places a comforting hand on your shoulder, "maybe this is the universe trying to prove that you can find love where you least expect it!"

You shoot him the nastiest glare you can conjure up in the moment. "You sound like a children's fairy tale synopsis. Please shut up."

"No, but think about it!" Jimin sits upright, pulling the nearest pillow into his lap. "You don't like him, and he probably doesn't like you. You hate coffee, and he's practically in love with it. The only reason you guys ever interact is Taehyung, who you happen to be in love with."

"I'm not in love with him!"

"Sure," Jimin rolls his eyes. "Anyways, this is literally the perfect recipe for romance. I feel like I have front-row seats to the best enemies to lovers story ever."

"Don't make me hit you."

"It's true, though," Namjoon pipes up from beside you. You're sandwiched between both of them in an attempt to extinguish the growing dread in the pit of your stomach. "You don't really know what he's like, Y/N. People aren't always what they seem at first glance."

"I had more than just a glance," you snap. "And I know him for exactly what he is. A fucking sociopath."

"I mean, he's nice enough," Jimin explains. "I've spoken to him a few times in passing. Maybe he just wasn't having a good day when you talked to him?"

You pause and think, because your friends are right. It's plausible, isn't it? Not every grumpy person you meet goes out of their way to be antisocial... but you can't shake off that feeling you've harbored ever since you first met him.

"I don't like this," you whine, hiding your face under the blanket. "I don't like him. I don't want to be his soulmate."

Namjoon chuckles. "Soulmates aren't always lovers, Y/N. If he's actually a sociopath, or you genuinely despise him after giving him a chance, you're not obligated to love him."

"True," Jimin nods. "My parents were never soulmates, but you know how well they get along. They had me, after all," he adds as an afterthought. "They couldn't have done that without loving each other."

Namjoon winces. "Okay, no. Didn't need to hear that."

You let out a frustrated groan, kicking your legs under the sheets. "I hate this," you grumble. "And I can't even do anything ab — oh!" You sit up, suddenly enlightened and an imaginary lightbulb over your head. "I can!"

"You can what?" Jimin asks, clearly confused. In response, you simply beam at him before doing an impromptu somersault over his legs and tumbling right off the bed, landing on the ground with a loud thump.

"Y/N?!"

"She's insane!"

"She's gone mental!"

"Is she having a seizure?"

"Do we need an ambulance?!"

"Is she okay?"

"Joon, I'm too broke to pay for the ambulance!"

You throw them both off of you. "I'm right here, very much alive, and very sane, thanks."

"Well, what was that, then?" Jimin demands. "If you were trying to show off your gymnastics skills, it didn't work. You look like a clumsy baby koala."

You point at Namjoon. "He's the clumsy one. And no, I wasn't trying to show you my nonexistent gymnastics skills." A huge smile spreads across your face. "I just discovered a great way to release all my frustration."

"By falling off the bed?"

"No, but yes." You lean in like you're about to tell them a secret. "You know... I bet Min Yoongi is cursing the heavens right now, isn't he? For pairing him with someone like me."

Namjoon stares at you incredulously. "Don't tell me..."

"She's going to do it anyway," Jimin tells him, before turning to you. "You're just going to hurt yourself to hurt him, Y/N? Are you for real?"

"It's perfect!"

"It's stupid, and usually I would tell you to go for it if you were planning to kick some dumbass's butt, but not if you're getting hurt in the process."

"Well, I'm doing it anyway," you say. You're 100% decided; you've just found the one part of your bond with Yoongi that delights you the most, and with that comes your singular goal: irritating him to no end. "And this isn't even that bad, Jimin. Wait until I'm on my period. Then he's really going to wish he never knew me."

Actually, you're screwed.

"Ouch!" you hiss, your body jerking at the pain that courses through your arm. You're forced to stop writing mid-word, the dark blue ink a mess on your paper due to these constant interruptions of your sudden movements. "What the fuck?!"

The girl sitting across from you raises her eyebrows at you, half concerned for your sanity.

"Sorry," you whisper apologetically. "My soulmate's a jerk. Honestly, I probably caused this, but I don't regret it at all."

She laughs, eyes turning into small crescents. "Hate at first sight?"

"More like at first conversation." You sigh, letting the pen fall from your fingers. "I don't know how I'm supposed to get along with him, let alone love him. We have absolutely nothing in common, and I'm pretty sure this dislike is mutual. Which reminds me—"

You bang your knee against the table in retribution for Yoongi's attack on his own arm, a satisfied smile on your face.

"Wow." The girl stares at you, rather taken aback. "That's some serious beef you two have got."

"Yep. Can't stand him," you confirm. "What about you? Have you found yours yet?"

"Not yet," she says, trying to look indifferent — but you catch that wistful look in her eyes. "Someday soon, hopefully."

"You'll find them," you say, the exact words you've repeated to Jimin multiple times over the years. "Time is all it takes. I hope yours is less of a jerk than mine... and if they are, I'm more than happy to instruct you in the ways of torturing them."

"Noted," she smiles, before returning to her book.

You, though, can't focus. Actually, you haven't been able to concentrate on anything lately — ever since this trivial back and forth between you and Yoongi turned into something more desperate and warlike, it's all that's ever on your mind.

Sighing, you stand up, leaving your place at the table to go fetch a book from one of the many shelves lining the opposite wall of the library. It doesn't take you long to find what you're looking for, but you immediately stumble over and hit the ground, nearly knocking your head against the wood of the shelf.

"Fuck," you hear someone curse in the next aisle. You know that voice, you realize after a few seconds, immediately ducking your head around the corner in amused curiosity.

"What'd you do to yourself this time?"

Yoongi scowls at you from the ground, as irked as always. "None of your business."

"It kind of is, actually, now that I feel it too."

"Oh, really? Where was that concern when you were hurting yourself just to get back at me for doing absolutely nothing?"

"You did it back! You have no right to be telling me what I did was wrong if you decided to do it too!"

"Why the hell did you do it in the first place?"

"Shh!" The librarian walks past the two of you, giving you a sharp glare as she replaces a few books with the ones in her hands. You nod apologetically to her, head bowed.

"You're so loud," you whisper a few seconds later, just as Yoongi gets himself off the ground and has managed to gather the books he'd dropped.

"You literally started yelling first, Y/N."

A deep frown makes its way onto your face. "You know what? I still don't understand why you're like this. Can we not have a civil conversation for once? Every time I talk to you it turns into a goddamn argument!"

"Yeah, well, maybe if you'd just minded your own business, we wouldn't be having this argument!" Yoongi pauses for a breath. "You always make it an argument, Y/N, I don't go out of my way to pick a fight with you!"

"Isn't that what you're doing right now?"

"No! I just don't understand your problem with me! Look," he says, a little calmer, "I know you don't want to be my soulmate. And I'm not particularly in love with you either. But you can at least act like I'm human too, right? Or is that too much for your inflated pride?"

"Did you just call me arrogant?" you ask incredulously, trailing after him as he walks back to where he was sitting. "You think I'm doing this because I'm conceited?"

"N—"

"Well, for your information, I'm not. I just really dislike you."

Yoongi tongues his cheek in frustration, slamming his book down onto the table. "And for what?" he demands. "I like to know it if and when I fuck up, Y/N. Stop repeating the fact that you hate me and just tell me why."

You flinch at his harsh tone and the sensation that sends a painful twinge through your palm. "You're just... you're so hard to talk to," you accuse. "Like, really? How am I supposed to wrap my head around this whole thing when I can't have a conversation with you without feeling like shit?"

He's gaping at you now. "I'm making you feel like shit? And you're not doing the same by basically trash talking me to my face?"

"I'm not! I'm just telling the truth; and besides, you asked!"

"Who are you to go around judging the way people are? Not everyone is bubbly and cheery, you know? Being grumpy for a second doesn't mean being grumpy for a lifetime!"

"Well, I can't tell, can I? Not when you always act like you hate the rest of the human race!"

Yoongi doesn't reply to you, just staring back at you for a few moments. Instead, his jaw clenches as he turns away without any kind of rebuttal.

"Alright," he says gruffly. "I'll go first."

Your eyes widen slightly as your frustration dissipates. You'd only meant to check on him out of curiosity after his fall, you hadn't intended for it to escalate to this scale at all... "Wait—"

"Don't bother to talk to me next time," he interrupts you, a hint of bitterness to his voice. "Since I always make you feel like shit, anyways."

"No, I didn't m—"

Yoongi's gone before you can give him any miserable excuse from your side, bag slung over his shoulder and that cup of coffee in his right hand. You catch a glimpse of his fingers wrapped around the cup, two band-aids covering the knuckles of his smallest digits, and you can't help but wonder... did you do that to him? All those days you spent wrapping bandages around your legs and arms, was he doing the same?

But you hate him, right? No matter how closely bound you two are, you're allowed to do this, aren't you?

You don't know.

You recall the sight of his worn out expression and sigh, shaking your head. Whatever it is about Min Yoongi that draws the worst out of you, you'll never know. All you're sure of is that apparently you're supposed to love him, apparently you're supposed to be his and vice versa. But you just can't.

As you trudge back to your seat, you notice that the girl from earlier is still there, still taking diligent notes — except her eyes now follow you, a mixture of concern and curiosity.

"I'm fine," you state. The words come out far harsher than intended, but she doesn't seem to take offense.

"Really?" she asks instead. "S'great if you are, but if you're not then you're just lying to yourself, Y/N."

You blink at her, surprised. "Huh? How'd you know my name?"

"You guys were yelling," she explains. "I could hear him from over here."

"Aish. Sorry."

"Don't worry about it." She chews on her pencil for a second, seemingly contemplating something. "Mind if I give you my two cents?"

The girl's awfully blunt and gets right to the point, and it reminds you of your friends for a moment. Something about her just makes you want to trust her, to let her in.

So you shrug your shoulders and say, "Sure."

"Second chances only come once."

"Huh?"

She nods, tucking her hair behind her ear. "You don't really know anything about him," she says. "You don't know what's happened to him before. You could be his second chance, and he probably just took a blow after that whole debacle you two had over there."

"What?"

She chuckles softly, and you find yourself rethinking your stance on the situation. She's right, she's right, your heart tells you, but your brain is saying something else entirely, and it's maddening.

"Give him a chance, Y/N. Everyone deserves one."

Hours later, you're still thinking about what a random stranger said to you at the library earlier.

Yoongi? A chance? No, thank you. You don't need to waste any more of your time on guys that aren't going to give you the time of day once they're not interested.

And yet, a small part of your conscience says otherwise. He's not just any guy, it reminds you. You're soulmates for a reason.

You're so frustrated you want to tear your hair out. "Soulmates are stupid!"

Jimin walks into your room with two cans of soda, an eyebrow raised as he tosses one to you. "Yikes, Y/N. What's gotten into you today?"

"Min Yoongi," you grumble.

Your best friend gapes at you, nearly spilling his soda all over himself. "I'm sorry, what?"

"What?"

"Already, Y/N?!"

You're confused as you take a sip of the sweet drink. "Already what, Jimin?"

He's opening and closing his mouth, eyes so wide he looks like a clown out of those children's cartoons. "You and Yoongi — you guys — I can't believe you finally got laid!"

This prompts you to spit out the liquid in your mouth, dissolving into a coughing fit as you try and regain your breath.

"There, there," Jimin says, stroking your back gently. "I won't mention it again if you don't want me to, I'm sorry. Was he a bad lay?"

"A bad what? Jimin, I don't know what you think I'm doing, but having sex with him is most certainly not on my list," you frown.

Your best friend, on the other hand, looks totally dumbfounded.

"Huh? But you answered with his name!"

You smack the side of his head gently. "That's not how idioms work, dumbass."

"Okay, sheesh, sorry," he apologizes, rubbing his temple. "But really, though. Everything okay with Yoongi?"

"Not really," you say truthfully, "but it's fine. Neither of us are expecting anything from the other."

Jimin looks skeptical as he eyes you carefully. "You sure?"

"Mhm."

He tilts his head back, draining the can of soda as he swallows. "You know, Y/N, maybe you should give the guy a chance."

There it is again, that word. The one thing everyone tells you that you need to give.

But is it worth your time? Is he worth your time? Or is he just going to walk away and leave you broken again? Maybe you're being selfish, but you'd rather spare yourself the heartbreak process than willingly go into something you know won't be good for you.

"Yeah, okay," you lie through your teeth, soda can still nearly full in your hand. "Maybe I will."

taglist: @meiadore @kimnamjoonluvbot @im-gay-no-matter-who-i-date @fangirl125reader @helenazbmrskai @min-yus @janeelizabeth1216 @chimchiekookie @chimchoom @igotnotype @beach-bitch-bitch-beach

taglist is still open! send an ask if you'd like me to add you <3

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[brvdges]

Like A River Flows - Stark!Reader x Peter Parker

Title: like a river flows

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: Y/N hopes to meet her soulmate on her eighteenth birthday. Soulmate No Blip AU

Warnings: none

A/N: I've been gone so long but here's a new imagine! I got a new laptop! So hopefully there will be tons more of these. I listened to "Can't Help Falling In Love" by Kina Grannis if you wanna get the full experience.

Word Count: 1824

___

You could hear the sound of glasses clinking and laughter echoing up from the main room as you tugged at your dress at the top of the stairs. You turned around and looked in the ornate mirror behind you. 

Everything about you was perfectly polished and plucked; your lace was perfectly laid with every hair beautifully framing your face. Your ears were adorned with simple gold diamond studs and a matching name necklace sat daintily on your collarbone.

Your makeup was done to perfection with your brown eyes sparkling from behind layers of shadow, liner, mascara, and false lashes. For the first time in your life, you had gotten your makeup done professionally. Your father had paid for it of course -- it was at his insistence that you had gotten it done.

In fact, the entire party was at his insistence and he had taken it upon himself to have every detail perfect. You didn’t really want a big elaborate birthday party, but today was the big day. 

Everyone had a special day when you’d finally know the person you’re meant to be with. At a young age, you’d come to the conclusion somehow your meeting would be on your eighteenth birthday. When your father was enlightened with this fact, he had taken it upon himself to make everything perfect -- including you. Thanks to him, you looked undeniably stunning.  It was the most beautiful you had seen yourself in a long while. Ever since your mom had passed, you hadn't felt the need to dress up anymore -- so it no longer felt like you.

“You look absolutely radiant, Y/N.” Pepper assured you as she joined you in looking in the mirror. “Your father outdid himself. Just wait until he sees you.” You understood immediately what she meant, you were almost a spitting image of your mother. Your mahogany skin and high cheekbones were hers, as was your smile and arched eyebrows. The only evidence of your father was the occasional facial expression. “You ready?” she asked turning you back towards the steps. 

You nodded and smiled cautiously, “You’re gonna be okay. There’s so many people down there and they’re all excited to see you.” The two of you peered over the banister down all the sea of people below. Your father had indeed gone for a more sophisticated approach, but as with all Stark parties it was pretty much promised to liven up as the night went on. 

“All right! Chin up!” You did as you were told and began your way down the grand staircase. As you made your descent, you saw the attention shift to you as everyone took you in for the first time that night. “The birthday girl is here!” Natasha raised a glass to you. You smiled to her as you were welcomed with a myriad of birthday wishes.

As the party continued on, you felt almost like a princess. So many promising people had come up and introduced themselves to you; however nothing had clicked yet. You were starting to wonder if all the theatrics had been for nothing when your dad found you. You were standing against the wall watching your friends have a ball of a time dancing to the DJ that had recently taken place of the string quartet. 

“Y/N, shouldn’t you be dancing?” he asked, his dark brows furrowing in confusion. You sighed disappointedly, “Yeah, I guess.” You picked at a string on your dress, “I thought I’d meet them today.” Your dad nodded glancing over at Pepper. She was talking excitedly to Natasha -- likely about wedding plans. The way he looked at her was so beautiful. The way you could tell everything he felt for her from just a look was absolutely amazing. That was it -- that what you wanted. 

“Well, Y/N, you never know there’s still a few hours left to your birthday.” you frowned a bit, “I’ve talked to every person here that I’ve never met. I’m pretty sure it’s not happening today.” your dad chuckled, “You know Y/N, I know I’ve told you the story of how I met your mom.”

“Italy, 1999.” you mumbled looking up at your father. He nodded, “We met and it felt right. I’m not one to be very emotional, but I knew I wanted to keep her around. There was just something about her.” you tilted your head, “She wasn’t your soulmate though. Pepper is.” He sighed, “She was the one for me -- well until she passed, of course. By that time, I had known Pepper for years and I didn’t see her in that way until one day, I just did.” He looked over at her again, her and Natasha had been joined by Maria.

“I don’t know if you're understanding what I’m getting at. I don’t know if I’m explaining it clearly. What I’m saying is -- it could be someone you’ve already met and maybe you just haven’t realized it yet. No one ever said it had to be someone new -- just that there was a day that you would know.” He gave you a small smile, “You should enjoy your night because either way, you look amazing, kiddo. Happy birthday.” he playfully hit you on the shoulder before walking away.

Taking your dad’s words to heart, you decided to let it go for the night and just have fun. You made your way out onto the dancefloor, your friends cheering at your arrival.

...

It was finally the end of the night, cake had been eaten and presents had been surveyed as there were too many to open. Most of the guests were beginning to go home but some still lingered out on the cul-de-sac. You stood on the front porch, your heels in your right hand as you waved people goodbye with your left.

“I seemed to have missed most of the festivities.” A familiar voice made you turn around to see your father’s prodigy, Peter Parker, standing behind you. You were pretty good friends with Peter as he had been working with your father for little over three years now. Even still, he seemed to have his moments where he seemed to shut himself off from you and get quiet. He seemed to have his moments and his secrets and so you didn’t really hang out much outside him visiting the tower.

He also wasn’t a social butterfly so even though you had invited him to your party, you didn’t actually expect him to show. Even though it was the end of the night, your spirits still rose seeing him here. “Yeah, you did. My dad got so drunk he serenaded Pepper on the bar.” the two of you laughed. 

You looked out over the seemingly never-ending property, your father had held your party at the summer home. It aided in you feeling like a princess, there was a garden maze on the south side of the home and a long driveway lit by lanterns. You glanced over at Peter and stepped off of the porch, “Would you like to join me on a walk?” He smiled and followed. 

The two of you slowly made your way towards the garden maze on the other side of the property. “You look...” he trailed off while admiring you. You could feel the heat rise to your cheeks and were glad he couldn’t actually see it, “Thank you.” The two of you turned into the garden maze as lightning bugs flew overhead and a cool breeze filled the air. As you walked, you tried to catch and release a few lightning bugs.

The sounds of late summer night hummed in the background as you spotted the small black rectangular box in his hand, “What’s that?” you asked. He looked down at it sheepishly, “It’s just something I got you. I don’t know if you’ll actually like it.” He had thought to buy you something? That was unexpected, but very welcomed. 

Without you saying anything, he slowly opened the small box to reveal another gold necklace. “It’s not 100 percent pure gold like the ones your dad gets you,” it was absolutely gorgeous. It was a small heart pendant attached to a gold chain. “It’s stupid really-” he scratched the back of his neck, looking down at it. “It’s beautiful, Peter.” You whispered in awe. 

“Would you mind? You can take the other one off.” You said turning around. He carefully removed it from the box. He put it over your head and placed the pendant on your collarbone before securing it in the back and you felt a warm sensation in your heart. Suddenly, everything changed. 

It was like your senses had sharpened. You could hear the distant conversation at the front of the property and the chirping of the crickets. You could feel the soft summer breeze across your body and Peter’s soft breath on the back of your neck where goosebumps had started to form. Every time his skin accidentally brushed yours, it felt delicate yet intense all at once. The world seemed to slow as he pulled your hair over the chain after removing the other necklace and turned you to face him. 

You studied his face and your eyes fell upon his brown ones. His hand found yours sending shivers through your body. You lightly squeezed his hand before pulling him closer feeling your knees start to get weak.

Resting your hand on the side of his face, you slowly guided him to the ground. You were close enough to lightly feel the air escaping his nose. He looked down at your lips and was about to lean in when- “Y/N! Come say goodbye to your grandmother!” your father called off from the distance somewhere. 

The two of you fell apart still sitting on the ground the closest you had ever been. You frowned slightly looking away, “I should say goodbye to my nonna. I usually give her a kiss and a hug goodbye.” You licked your lips looking down to avoid eye contact. “She flew in from Italy -- my mom’s side of the family. I don’t get to see her like that.” 

“No, no. I understand.” he mumbled as you both quickly stood. You began dusting off your dress as he helped. You looked up at him again quickly before looking back down again, “Thanks again. It’s beautiful.” You couldn’t bring yourself to look him in the eyes again because his gaze suddenly felt so intense, it felt like you’d melt. “You’re welcome.”

“Y/N!” your dad yelled off in the distance again. You gestured towards the balcony of the house where your dad was likely yelling from, “I have to go.” Peter nodded quickly, “I understand.” You admired him and watched as his eyes softly gazed over your features one last time. “Good night, Peter.” you waved quickly, “Good night, Y/N.” You gathered your dress and hurried off towards where your dad and nonna waited for you on the balcony.

That was it.

[welldonekhushi]

Who Do You Love? | Vladimir Makarov x Reader

Gif by @unsquishableroach

Summary: Makarov might be heartless, but is he really one? How would you know it all?

Warnings: Angst, but fluff in end

Being a girlfriend of the madman, yet a megalomaniac and a crazy psychopath was not a big issue, but the only thing that was needed to make him earn your trust so he won't really think that you were just here to gather up information about him as a spy.

Makarov was one of those guys, who was a very short-tempered yet eccentric person, who didn't gave a shit about anything. He often showed his cruel and cold side, like the way he is towards everyone. You tried not to be upset about it, because you understood that he was a terrorist.

Yes. A world-hunted terrorist, who had killed more than 30,000 people and almost let a World War III happen.

No one could have the guts to do that. We well know.

He was just busy in his work, writing something in Russian, and you quietly step in his room to surprise him, but..

"Always knock the door whenever you are coming in, Y/N." His voice was rough. You shook your head and obeyed him, shutting the door.

"Uhm, Makarov I wanted to ask if.." You fiddled with your dress for a while, and he stopped writing when you paused. He turned around, giving you a glare. Your fear increased and gulped nervously, soon he was getting mad.

"Look, you're wasting my time." He growled.

".. I-I was going to say if, you are gonna.. join us? For a little break?" You finally asked your question, and he dropped his pencil.

He sighed and looked back at his work. "Tell them I can't come. I'm super busy."

"B-but, I-"

"Did I stutter? Or I should repeat again? Move out or I'll shoot you."

His harsh words filled through your ears. It did break your heart when he said that, even after being his girlfriend he tried to be rude towards you. You gave him a nod and walked out of his room. You didn't wanted to make him more mad by showing his feelings.

You joined the crew, who looked at you upset. Yuri figured it out that maybe the reason of your condition was because of Makarov. He did also realise that he was mostly rough towards everyone even you too. So, he always used to support you to not feel bad about it.

"Does Makarov hate me, Yuri?" You were okay to shed your tears in front of the crew because they were the only ones who understood you well. Yuri rubbed her back gently, to calm her down.

"No, he doesn't hate you, my friend." Yuri replied, while he hugged you with comfort. "You know he's a terrorist, and.. he just has a lot of things in his mind. He cannot choose what should be his priority. You shouldn't really become a masochist like that, Y/N."

".. I know, Yuri.. but.. it's been so long, he hasn't even been a little gentle to me. I've been trying to show my love but it looks like he doesn't trust me.. what I do? Does he think I'm a spy? Am I invisible? Or I don't have.. feelings?" You snuggled on Yuri's chest. "He even told that he'll shoot me.. i-if I even get shot, I won't care.. I know he did it because he was tired of me. I'm not worth for him—"

"Y/N, no! Don't say that!" Yuri cried. "We are here for you, trust me. Makarov won't do anything when you have friends.. no.. brothers like us."

"You have no problem calling all of us your brothers, Y/N." Kiril smiled.

"We'll always be there for you, even if boss threatens to kill us too." Lev replied too, as the crew came over to give you a group hug. Finally, there were some people who cared about you. And there, was Makarov who was listening to the entire conversation — inside his room. He somehow wasn't feeling okay too, there were a lot of frustrations inside him but he really, really knew..

It wasn't all your fault.

—

You tried to sleep on your bed, but you always fidgeted by taking different sides but you were not able to sleep. You opened your eyes and gazed at the ceiling, sighing in distress. Those bad moments filled inside your head, showing Makarov being rude and harsh towards you. You felt like to cry again, and don't weep because everyone might hear it. You didn't noticed that someone opened the door and you wake up to see who it was..

".. Makarov?" You said in surprise. Yes, it was him. He was wearing a white shirt, with black jeans, as his only attire. Seriously, you loved him wearing that and thought of requesting to keep that look but that might have made him mad, again.

"Yeah, it's me. Who else?" He shut the door, and walks towards you. Before he could raise his hand, you clenched your blanket and turned away. There, he sighed in desperation.

"Do you really hate me that much, Milaya?" He sat beside you, and turned your head to his direction. Your eyes were still in fear when you looked at his, bright yet menacing heterochromia eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be such a jerk. Whatever I am and I'm doing is the cause.." He snugged his head on your chest, and wrapped his arms around your waist. "I just want to be with you.. forever."

You were surprised to see his gentle side, for the first time in your relationship. The dangerous terrorist, becoming a gentle, pure, warm-hearted soul? It was well known he won't hurt or kill you, but because of his background and reputation, he tried to be very flippant yet inconsiderate.

"Are you really going to leave me? Tell me." He turned around you, with his now sad eyes. "I'm a monster.. not only I know, you and everyone around the world knows. I am trying to become a good lover for you but I guess I'm not able to win your heart. How would I.. even cry when.. I have no feelings? My heart is totally dead. You shouldn't be here. You should be happy with someone else, who can treat you well. Not me who, kill everybody because they think I'm sadistic, but I just wanted my own Russia, to be what it was." He cupped your cheeks.

"Just go.. you won't survive here. I would hurt you." His voice cracked in true pain, and it kind of shattered you too. You really loved Makarov, and you promised to be with him forever. Your eyes filled with tears and you put his hands down, grabbing them tight.

"No, Makarov.. I-I love you. And I always will." You smiled at him, heartily, as you hugged him and rubbed his back to calm him down. He hugged back in reply, finally embracing the heartwarming moment. You both looked at each other, and after gazing for some moments, Makarov leaned close to your lips, closing the gap in between and pecked them softly, and then pulling up with a long one. You kissed him back, getting into a heated moment as you both land on the bed.

After a pure love session, he had wrapped you in his strong arms, snuggling on your neck. All those moments, those feelings and the physical affection between you and him during the make out just enlightened your heart. You gained his trust too, though he was mean, but deeply cared about you.

While sleeping, he whispered something in your ear, in Russian.

"Ya lyublyu ty, detka~" He kissed your neck gently, and chuckled.

"I love you too, Makarov."

He got surprised, how did you knew for what he spoke in Russian?

"Did you just.."

"In love, language can be very understandable." You turned around him and smiled, as both laughed.

"You're so special, you know that?" And by that, you both kissed again and drifted off to sleep.

[aquarius-johnny]

Johnny, fluff, and maybe something about seeing his spouse walk down the aisle at their wedding? Idk bout you, but I've been feeling sappy, lol.

johnny is a sentimental man, maybe the most sentimental man you’ve ever been with. hell, he even asked for your parents’ approval to marry you before actually proposing. his proposal was small and intimate, just how you wanted it. since that day, you were planning for the moment you said i do and that moment finally came. 

as you stand in front of the full body mirror, you sharply inhale in an attempt to calm your nerves. 

“i’m shaking,” you tell your best friend while holding your hand vertically, watching it tremble in front of your eyes. 

taking your hand into hers, she gives you a reassuring squeeze. “you’re going to be okay. this is your moment, it’s normal to feel jitters, but you’re going to be okay. just breathe.” she proceeds to inhale and exhale, encouraging you to follow her movements, which you do. 

“in an hour, i’m going to be mrs. johnny suh,” you laugh, eyes nearly tearing up from the idea. “oh god, what if i fall while walking down the aisle?” 

your best friend hushes you, knowing you were going to fall on your ass if you kept talking about it. “when was the last time you fell while walking?” she asks, furrowing her brows. when you don’t remember, she lets out a laugh. “exactly. you’ll be fine.” 

nodding your head in approval of her words, you take one last look at yourself. you were waiting for this moment for the longest time and it’s finally here. as you’re escorted out of your room and into the courtyard, you stretch out your neck to see the crowd of people shuffling to their seats. you eye your fiancé near the wedding arch.

you notice his hair slicked back, just the way you preferred. his hands fiddle in the pocket of his slacks, trying his hardest to cover his nerves. he makes small talk with his groomsmen before taking his position as the pianist plays the melody you had agreed upon. 

“one foot in front of the other,” you mutter to yourself as you watch your best friend take her position. as you begin to make your way to your future husband, you watch how his expression change before your eyes. 

you had never seen johnny cry; not that he was heartless, it was simply because it took a lot for him to show that vulnerable side of him. but today, as your eyes locked with his, his eyes begin to well up while a joyous smile slowly appears. he quickly turns away from the audience and lifts the back of his hand to wipe away the happy tears that slide down his cheeks. 

as he quickly pulls himself together, you position yourself in front of him, helping him wiping the water from his face. 

“you look gorgeous,” he lets out, taking your hand before placing a quick peck on the back of it.

“thank you,” you smile. 

before you could continue, the marriage officiant begins his speech. soon enough, you find yourself lifting your left hand and watching as johnny’s hand trembles while sliding your custom ring on your ring finger. you do the same and watch as johnny’s eyes dilate as he looks at you, patiently waiting for the moment he can kiss you. 

“you may now kiss the bride,” the officiant declares. 

“finally,” johnny whispers to you, placing each hand on the crook of your neck before locking lips with you. this kiss felt different; almost like no other you’ve felt before. your stomach did backflips and you couldn’t help but let out a tiny sigh as he pulled away. “we did it,” johnny chuckles, before placing another quick kiss against your lips.

“finally,” you giggle.

later that night, you turn to face johnny as he attempts to catch his breath after celebrating your big day. 

“this was the first time i saw you cry,” you let out, resting your head on his bare chest. 

“i know,” he laughs. “i didn’t expect it.” he shifts into a comfortable position before continuing. “i’ve seen grooms cry, but it was only in videos. and let me tell you, now i know why.” 

“care to enlighten me?” 

a smile creeps onto johnny’s face. “in that split moment, it hits you.” he begins, letting out a small laugh. “you’ve finally found someone you want to spend your entire life with and everything just feels right. i don’t know, the moment is just so damn beautiful and overwhelming it just comes out as happy tears.” 

“and here i thought you were speechless because you saw how amazing i looked,” you playfully retort. 

“i was and then it was the realization that i’ve finally found someone who loves me unconditionally, for the rest of her life.” 

you look up at him, giving him a loving smile. “always and forever,” you let out. 

johnny takes your left hand and lifts it, admiring the way your engagement ring and wedding band compliment each other. “always and forever,” he repeats before placing a soft kiss on your knuckles. 

[nowheretobefound101]

I Will Find You

A one-shot story dedicated to humanity who suffers fear and pure sadness because of the unacceptable truth about death.

I know how you admire this place so much. A place where you always pick up your fresh daisies and collect it in your handwoven basket. This flower field of yours is where our story began and I still remember the scent of freshly picked flowers all over your dress and hair, and also, your signature smile that never fails to enlighten my days after it.

Right now, at this moment, you give me this nostalgia just like back in the day I first met you.

I was just roaming around in this unfamiliar place until I got lost in the middle of your flower field. I am just moved in at my grandparents' house at that time, and I decided to sneak out of the house for a while to find out if something is amusing in this place. I continue strolling around until I saw you, gracefully sitting on the ground filled with daisies, sweetly humming a calm melody, and your hair flows smoothly with the air that also gave off its a vivid color like it kisses the sun.

I silently walked towards you and crouched in front of you. As you opened your eyes, I saw a great shocked in your face.

"AHHH!! WHO ARE YOU!? DON'T MAKE A MOVE." You screamed as if I will gonna rob you.

"Ohh, My bad for scaring you, I'm lost." I said.

"Your name's lost? I think your parents' had a bad taste." She giggled as she fixed her dress.

"No, I... I mean, I am literally 'lost',and Jack is my name!" I corrected.

"I'm just kidding! By the way, I'm Elsa. I see that your are the newcomer that your grandma told me for a couple of days ago." She said.

"Okay, so my grandma never runs out of stories to tell huh. But, please, I just want to go home right now 'cuz I just sneaked out in fixing my stuffs."

"So someone's getting trouble later!" She teased.

"C'mon, just help me!" I pleaded.

"Calm down you sneaky ones, I'll help you, okay, but first, help me to pick these daisies for your grandma. And yeah, if you wanted a place for yourself you can just freely visit my flower field."

"Thank you for your warm welcoming, Elsa." I said.

After we picked up those daisies for my grandma, she guided and walked me home. I never imagine that my grandparents are really closed to her. I thought that they'll gonna sermon me, instead, they were both glad and shocked that I already known Elsa.

And also, I found out where my grandma, who is so fond of daisies, came from.

Every afternoon, we are always staying on our spot in your flower field. We eat, laugh, tell some stories, collect some flowers to be sold on the market, music jamming, and even ending up taking a nice nap wherein sometimes, grandma will gonna wake us up if she minded to visit the place.

Days... Months... To years. Two people who begin and meet up as strangers, and now, I can't believe that you are my fiance.

But, Is this a right choice?

I keep regretting myself, every day along with our joys and love, not telling you the real reason why I moved with my grandparents. You only knew that I moved because I don't have parents anymore. I also told my grandparents for a long time ago to keep my secret hidden from the world I know.

I agreed to live for the rest of my years with my grandparents, hide until it ended because of my terrible fate, yet, everything changes until you came into my hopeless life. It is all coincidental and you never failed to enlighten me. Honestly, I failed too many times in love but you are something unique and special that I've never seen to anyone.

You are the only one who enlightened my hopeless heart and soul.

And the day I feared came as I passed out in the middle of the fields while we are happily collecting some daisies. That moment, my sight slowly turns blurry and I can't even feel my body anymore. As I fell through the grounds, I saw the daisies burst out in the mid-air, suddenly, I heard your voice repeatedly calling my name... calling some help, until everything went pitch black.

As I woke up, I feel so weak, I am not even aware of what day it is, and I am just catching up on my breath. I tried to look around and I saw you, sitting beside my bed and sleeping as your head placed to your arms down to my bed, I want to call your name, but, I really can't. Luckily, you noticed me awake as you feel me moved my hands to yours. You quickly stand up and sit in front of me, you planned to call my grandparents but I stopped you because I want to let you know all my regrets before my time ends.

"Elsa, I am begging you, just listen to me."

"What is it Jack, I'm here and I can hear you." I see into your eyes how worried you are and feel it on how you pressed my hands.

"I am sorry if I'd never confessed to you about this unknown disease that makes me weaker every single day. I moved to my grandparents to hide my terrible and undesirable fate to all as I wanted to shut myself out from anyone. Yet, you came into my life. I don't blame it okay, honestly, I am glad that I met you. I know from the start that I can't keep this from you forever but I just don't want to see you and my grandparents burden the pains when I left. I'm so sorry, Elsa. I am really sorry."

"Hush, my darling and just take a deep breath. I knew it already, as I observed how clumsy you are, as to how you see the world around you, as to how those medicines were in your pockets... I knew it already, Jack. When you were carried here by our fellow villagers, your grandparents also talked to me about this and on how you shut yourself so you can't see anyone suffers. Jack, I am also glad that you are the only person who showed me the beauty of falling in love, you also gave colors to my world, and you also enlighten me to appreciate the world. You had done nothing wrong." She confessed.

"If this is the time for you to take your rest... It's okay, Jack. Don't worry too much about us." She added.

"Uhm... Elsa... Ca... Can I ask you something?" I weakly said to her. I am trying my best to catch up on some air as I still can.

"What is it?" She answered.

" I know we can't stop the time, dear. I'm sincerely sorry, but, I... I just wish to see you, smiling in front of me for the last time because this is the only thing, my last memorabilia of you, that I can take for my departure. I... I know it's hard for you to--"

You stopped me as you placed your hands on my cheeks and rubbing my tears that flow in my face. I weakly smiled at you as I felt the your gentle hands for the last time.

"I'll smile for you even you don't request it from me." She answered.

As she smiled, she can't control herself from her overflowing emotions of pain and sadness as I see her cry at the same time.

I see my grandparents for the last time trying to not interrupting us. They are just silently standing, and peeking and listening through a small gap in the door. She didn't notice them as she continuously cries out.

"It's okay to cry, Elsa." I said. I just hope that I can wipe her tears back. "Thank you for making me happy within my limited time. I'm sorry if I need to leave you so suddenly. I love you as I will be waiting for you in our next lives." I smiled, yet, everything surrounds me faded little-by-little.

"I love you 'till we meet again. Sleep now, Jack." And this is the last thing I heard.

Elsa cried so hard after I left and my grandparents open the door and approach her. Then, the room is just filled with their mourns and tears around my dead body.

Days turn to weeks that passed away quickly... I can't even tell you that my soul is still wandering around in this world because I was told to finish my last mission.

From the first, it made my mind discombobulated until I see your name flash within my memory.

"You are my last mission." I told to myself.

Even though you can't see, feel, or hear me anymore, I can still able to guide you throughout your sufferings. My soul's still alive to finish my last mission because you are still believing in me.

But history repeats itself, and now, I see myself to you who shut yourself to everyone. I can only sense your agonies, fears, and sadness all over the room. My grandparents always checked you in your home, yet, you always said that "You're fine. Just leave me alone."

What should I do? I want to accomplish this mission, but how?

I remembered that you have a sister who lives in the near village with her husband. I tried to find her, however, I still don't know what will should I do.

When night came, I planned if I can able to write and luckily I have enough strength as a soul to do it. While your sister and her husband sleeping, I tried to write a short letter that I hope it may help you.

Days later, your sister saw your letter and visit you again. She opens and enters your cabin, removed and placed her winter coat into the rack behind the door, and she goes straight to your room.

She knocks on your door but you didn't answered. She called,

"Elsa, please I know you're in there

People are asking where you've been

They say, 'have courage' and I'm trying to,

I'm right out here for you

Just let me in."

But still, you have no response.

Anna calls you for another time,

" We only have each other

It's just you and me

What are we gonna do?"

And you suddenly opened your door and let your sister enter. Both of you stand beside your window that is full of daisies. You still don't make any response and Anna seems so worried about you. But, as the moment you pick up a daisy, Anna blurted out in her soft comforting voice, "Do you want to build a snowman?" After you hear it out clearly, you cried out in front of her.

I see, You made to let out your emotions again after I left at the beginning of winter.

Tears just suddenly flow down from your eyes and your sister continues to comfort you.

"Elsa, shutting yourself and burdening it by yourself is not what Jack wanted for you right? Yesterday, I found a piece of paper hidden in our picture. Do you wanna read it. Here, take this." Anna slipped out a paper and held it to Elsa.

Elsa read it loudly that the two of them can hear...

"Love can heal a frozen heart. Both of your hearts were like your daisies: Pure, innocent, and there it lies your true love. If you had read this, remember that when you feel lost through your darkness, let your daisies enlighten you towards your true love.

P.S. I will get mad if you forget how to smile :)

Anna, protect her from me okay. I'm sorry if I can't give you some chocolates this time."

"Jack's really full of fun and suprises." Elsa giggles.

"Finally, you smiled again, I hope he can see you smile like that again." Anna frankly said.

"C'mon, I know that whenever he is, he always gonna see this smile of mine." Elsa said.

"So, do you want to build a snowman, the flower fields seems to be filled up with snow." Anna joyfully asked.

"If you insisted. Thank you, Anna." And she hugged her sister so tight and Anna also hugged her back.

Anna suddenly holds Elsa's hand and rushed out because of her excitement, they run straight to the fields and dive mountains mountain of snow.

I watched you played with your sister and build a snowman, I also tried to join your fun the last time. So, I scoop a pile of snow and form some snowballs. At first, I hit you, and it was so fun that you blame Anna just like before when I still have my body. Then, I hit your sister next that makes her revenge and rained you with her snowballs.

Finally, you set me free and I also set you free.

I know you can sense me even you can't see me anymore...

For the last time, I just wanna say thank you for believing in me for no matter what reasons, and, for now, before I take step to eternity, I want you to know that I promised myself that you are the only person I'll find and love you again through our next lives, see you soon.

"I will also find you, Jack. You are the only man that I will love again in our next lives. Thank you and see you soon." You whispered and tears started to fall to you.

Did you really reply to me, Elsa? No, it must be a coincidence.

"I can sense you there like a friend I've always known. Show yourself, I'm no longer trembling." You opened your eyes and started to see me like a dream.

I come close to you and place my head into yours.

"I see, you still believe in me no matter what." I whispered to her.

"Yes, Jack. Until eternity. Can I feel you for the last time?"

"Yes, you may, Elsa. I love you."

"I love you too." You smiled as you closed your eyes and cry.

Once I closed my eyes, I cried and at the same time I feel my soul fades little-by-little.

And for the last time, I see your smile from the day I first encountered you.

Because it is the only smile that enlightened me out of my darkness.

See you soon. I will find and love you again to our next lives.

[porkchop-ao3]

A Thrill I’ve Never Known (Chapter 14)

Leisure Time

Some leisure time with Arthur <3 

(All chapters tagged with #ATINK and also posted on Ao3, username PorkChop)

  -

I'd grown used to waking up early, before anyone else, and putting on a pot of coffee. It'd quickly become my routine, so when I approached the fire to see that it was already lit and there was already a pot of coffee waiting for me, it surprised me. I poured myself a cup and looked around the camp, expecting Pearson to be around. He was, but he was still sleeping; that's when I noticed that Arthur's bed was empty. Immediately I felt the usual pang of adrenaline spreading from my stomach at the prospect of him being around; it was becoming more familiar, more pleasant. Excitement rather than nerves. 

I wandered the camp looking for him, finally finding him behind Pearson's wagon with a bucket of water and a wet cloth. I jumped when I realised that he was shirtless, just as he looked up and noticed me. 

"Oh! I'm sorry," I mumbled, turning to head off. 

"No, it's alright. How you doing this morning?" He asked. I stopped, my back still to him, taking a second to breathe before turning around. 

"Not too bad. Yourself?" I asked. He was washing himself, wiping the cloth up and down his chest and under his arms. The top of his union suit was hanging down over his jeans, his upper body totally bare. His torso was gently toned under a fine layer of soft cushion, he was brawny and undeniably masculine with a generous smattering of chest hair. I tried so very hard not to stare.

The side of Arthur's mouth turned up when he caught my expression; he must've known how he made me feel. 

"Not too bad," he echoed me, wringing out his washcloth before wiping it around his neck. "Did Micah give you any more trouble yesterday?"

"Oh, no. He left me alone after you left," I told him, dawdling over to the wagon and leaning up against it, putting me a little closer to him. I sipped my coffee.

"Well, you know where I am if he ever does," he said, then scrubbed at his face. I admired his toned arms as they moved, shining a little with water. I averted my gaze before he pulled the cloth away from his face, staring off towards a group of chickens nearby.

"Thank you, but I should be fine," I assured him and he chuckled.

"I don't doubt that."

"I heard the robbery went okay, a lot of lawmen but a decent take," I said, watching him nod his head slowly.

"Yeah, it went alright. Sounds funny, hearing you talk like that."

"What, about robberies?" I asked, the corner of my mouth lifting in amusement.

"You don't look like– I don't think it suits you, much," he told me, and I wasn't sure how to respond. 

"What does suit me?" 

"I haven't figured it out yet," he shrugged.

I looked at him for a while before averting my eyes, pursing my lips in thought. I really didn't know what to make of the conversation. In the end I simply changed the subject.

"I spoke to Abigail yesterday," I told him, looking back to see him pick up a towel and start drying off. "She don't hate me, like I thought she did."

"I didn't think she would, I told you you worry too much. Still, must be a weight off your shoulders," he said.

"Absolutely," I laughed. He put the towel aside, leaning up against the side of the wagon and facing me, making no move to redress. "She'd heard what Karen said and she seemed to take no notice."

"What, about you and Marston?" He smirked, forever seeming amused by the concept. I nodded my head. "Abigail has her head screwed on, she can sniff out a bunch of bull with the best of 'em."

"She's certainly observant," I laughed, shaking my head and chewing the inside of my cheek. 

"You told me you didn't like how you were coming across; seems you were wrong about that. Folk'll see your intentions, you ain't here to cause trouble. So, I guess now you ain't got nothing to worry about, you won't be so eager to get away from us?" He joked.

"You know? You're right about that," I admitted, and Arthur's brows raised, amusement draining from his face being replaced with uncertainty. 

"I'm sorry?" 

"Truth be told, I did some thinking yesterday about what I wanna do. I realised maybe I don't wanna run off as much as I thought I did," I sighed, chewing on my lip. 

"You can't be serious?" Arthur let out a breath that was halfway between a laugh and a sound of disbelief. I frowned and straightened up, facing him head on.

"What do you mean? You were the one asking me the other day if I really wanted to leave, sounded a bit like you thought I'd be better off staying. What's changed?" I asked and Arthur paused for a while, keeping his eyes on mine. I kept Abigail's words in mind and forced myself to hold eye contact. 

"That was before the Pinkertons showed up," he finally said. 

"And? You said you all had each others' backs, looked out for each other. Maybe I… maybe I wanna be a part of all that," I told him and creases formed between his brows.

"You've certainly changed your tune, little miss lone wolf," he snorted. 

"I realised something," I said, gaining an expectant look from him. "People, they– when they're in a situation they can't exactly change they have ways of making themselves feel better. They tell themselves all sorts of lies to change their outlook, to protect themselves," I looked down at the ground.

"What do you mean by that?" 

"I convinced myself I liked being alone, that it was the only way for me, cause it was easier than dealing with the fact that I was lonely and scared about what the future might hold for me; no friends, no nothing," I told him, despite everything in my head screaming at me not to. Once this was said there was no going back. 

Arthur was quiet for a long time and I looked up at him to see his reaction. He looked thoughtful, his face soft and considerate. 

"But the more time I've spent here the more I realise, being alone is nice and all but it ain't something I want permanently. The way I've been living this past year, I've just been surviving, scraping through, I don't think I've spent five minutes not being tense. Here, I've been sleeping through the night, not waking up every time I hear a damn rustle in the trees. I've… I've smiled." 

"I thought you were happy on your own," he said. 

"So did I. Not as happy, it turns out, as I am actually interacting with human beings on a regular basis," I laughed. "Feeling like I'm part of something, like I can contribute, be useful. That's better than just surviving. I wanna help you folk, you're good people," I reached out and touched his arm, forgetting for a moment his lack of a shirt and flushing when my hand met bare skin. 

I pulled my hand away and cleared my throat, Arthur seemed to read my mind and shimmied his arms back into his union suit, buttoning it up as he spoke. 

"I don't know about that. I can see what you're saying, and part of me wants to tell you to stick around for those reasons exactly. But we've got the law after us, I don't want you getting wrapped up in and punished for something you weren't even involved in, just by way of association with us," he told me, his voice lowering and turning smoother, deeper. Very pleasant on the ears indeed. 

"That don't put me off, much," I shrugged. "After all, what's my alternative? I wave goodbye and go back to what; my tent? Going days on end without saying a word 'cause there's no one around to hear it? That might've worked for me before but it ain't now, no thanks," I shook my head. "I don't have many options, Arthur. And I like it here."

"You're a woman, you've always got options," Arthur said, and when I cocked a brow at him, he explained. "You could ride up to Valentine right now and find a feller who'd make an honest woman out of you, put a roof over your head, build a life with you. One that don't involve robbing."

"You think? A woman with no money, no reputation at all, let alone a good one. No family. I don't know, Arthur, I ain't all that much of an eligible bachelorette."

"Lot'a folk round here don't care about that. I know if I was leading a normal life and I was lookin' for a woman, I'd– well, I ain't gonna finish that, save you the embarrassment," Arthur muttered, averting his eyes with an awkward chuckle. I felt warm with his words, a special seed of something planting itself in the pit of my stomach that made me want to stick around even more. "My point is, you have other options."

I shook my head. "Whatever your point is, I don't much like the sound of having my whole future resting on the shoulders of some hypothetical man."

Arthur's brows raised, an enlightened look appearing on his face. After a moment he wagged his finger at me, "you know what? Forget all that."

"Huh?"

"I'm speaking from where the sun don't shine," he started, chuckling. "You, m'lady, are stubborn. You're stubborn, real independent, and eventually you'll make your mind up."

"I already have."

"I tell you what, this ain't my decision to make; I'm leaving the door open for you, but I ain't pushing you through it. You wanna stay? I'm sure Dutch'd be real happy about that,” he said, his voice lifting again, turning breezy. 

"And what about you? Would you be happy if I were to stay? You seem just as indecisive as me when it comes to whether I should be staying or leaving."

"Miss, it don't matter what I think," he tilted his head at me and sighed. "You're gonna do exactly what you want, regardless."

"Would you be happy if I stayed?" I repeated, putting my coffee down on the table by Arthur's bucket of water. 

Arthur stared at me in consideration, searching my eyes. I refused to look away despite my heart pounding in my chest, trying to escape up my throat it seemed. Eventually he let out a quiet breath, licking his lips and looking at something off in the distance behind me.

"I enjoy knowing you, ma'am. If you leaving meant I'd never see you again then sure, you staying would be preferable."

A smirk spread across my face before I could stop it and Arthur mirrored it, though there was an edge of questioning behind his. 

"That's a lot of words, Arthur. Are you saying you like me?" I asked, allowing my tone to dip into something mischievous. Why not have a little fun?

"I like hearing what you've got to say, you've got an interesting way of thinking about things. You make for pleasant company. Yes, I like you," he said slowly, a slight playful edge to his words. His smirk wasn't going anywhere.

"Well, I'm glad," I simply said and he shook his head and laughed. 

"Is this one of your 'caring too much about what other people think of you' things? Cause I thought we got over that, with Abigail," he said. I shrugged my shoulders. 

"Not this time. I was just checking since I'm fond of you, too," I dared to say.

Arthur kept his eyes on me for a little while and I was certain I was going to have to lay down to recover from the way my heart had been pounding for so long. He cleared his throat and seemed to force himself to stop smiling, pouting his lips into this badly rendered serious face.

"Ma'am, if you're staying I'll treat you no different to any of the others. I welcome you with open arms, just as long as you keep pulling your weight, which I know you will," he said, turning and picking up the bucket, carrying it off towards the treeline. My legs carried me after him. 

"Speaking of, you got anything on that I can help you with?" I asked. Arthur tossed the water out into the foliage then turned to me.

"You really have changed your tune, first time we rode out hunting together you couldn't seem to get away quick enough."

"Well, you know, that was back when I was still being all reclusive," I said, making Arthur chuckle. 

"I ain't got nothing on till later; I'm meeting John in Valentine. I have a few hours before that, how's about we take a ride together? Staying out of trouble this time."

"Just take a ride? For leisure?”

"Yeah, for leisure. Or if you'd prefer, we'll say we're going out looking for… berries. Herbs. Gathering stuff. Whatever we call it, I could use some time away from here," he told me, placing his bucket down and waiting for my response. 

"I'd like that. While we're out I'll keep my eye out for some oleander; Charles asked if I could get him some."

"You ain't gonna find much oleander around here, we'd have to ride out towards Lemoyne for that, prob'ly," he pointed out. 

"Well, how long do you have before you're meeting John?"

Arthur pursed his lips. "We'll head in that direction and see how far we get, no promises. Finish your coffee and I'll go put a shirt on," Arthur touched my arm gently as he passed me on the way to his tent, and I watched him go as I picked up my coffee. It was on the verge of going cold, so I downed it in one.

-

Arthur and I set off once again before anyone else had woken up, anyone would think we were keeping secrets. It was another hot day and Arthur had handed me his spare hat again; commenting for a second time that it suited me. The hat itself was a little big on me but it fit me enough to stay on while riding, it had a wide, dark leather brim and a decorative purple band, studded with metal buttons all the way around. I hadn't seen myself in it, but I trusted Arthur's judgement in that I didn't look silly. 

We didn't speak for quite some time, but it didn't feel awkward or strange. Our horses trotted side by side and the two of us took in the peace of the early morning, enjoying the picturesque views of the heartlands. I was content to ride in silence, assuming that Arthur was as lost in his head as I was, but he surprised me by being the one to speak first. 

"Where'd you live, if you don't mind me asking? Before you started moving around?" He asked. 

"Oh, in Lemoyne, actually. A bit outside of Saint Denis. You ever been to Saint Denis, Arthur?" 

"Me? Nah, it's a big city. I don't much like those," he admitted. I looked over at him and he continued. "Far too much civilisation, I prefer it out west."

"I've never really been out west. Blackwater is the furthest I've been but I've never explored any of New Austin. Seemed a little like suicide, going on my own with just my tent, I've heard stories of cholera outbreaks and all sorts," I said. Arthur hummed in consideration. 

"You were probably wise, staying away," he nodded in agreement. "So you're a city dweller, first and foremost?" He asked, his tone just a little bit teasing. 

"I wouldn't go that far. Like I said, we lived outside of the city, but I did go in occasionally. It's busy there, and noisy. I much prefer these quieter parts, I've been staying in the heartlands mostly since then. Swamps ain't all that nice to camp in, with all the gators and such," I chuckled. "Plus there's some strange folk around there, it's much safer here."

"You'll find strange folk everywhere," Arthur pointed out and by his tone I imagined he'd had more than a few run-ins. He laughed as though something just occurred to him. "And a guess to a lot of people, we could be the strange folk."

"Yes, I suppose so," I agreed. 

We fell quiet again, and the open space around us felt far too tempting. I was the next to break the silence.

"Can we go fast?" I asked, and Arthur sputtered out a surprised laugh. 

"I thought I was out fishing with Jack again. You turn into a big kid when you're put behind the reins, huh?"

"May we gallop, sir?" I rephrased, putting on a more refined manner of speaking. Arthur smirked at me without saying anything, then called to his horse, using his spurs to speed him up. He bolted ahead of me and I giggled as I sped up after him.

Riding fast was one of my favourite feelings in the world. It was always so exhilarating, feeling the air blasting at your body, feeling the power behind your horse, covering so much ground and feeling completely free. I loved it.

I soon caught Arthur up and rode alongside him. The rhythmic pounding of hooves on the ground below and the whistle of wind past my ears provided a satisfying soundtrack; though I did have to catch Arthur's hat from flying off my head a number of times. It was fun, it made my heart pump as quick as a well timed smile from Arthur tended to, and I laughed aloud as we crossed the earth at impressive speeds. 

We rode like that for a while, slowing up to give the horses a break by the time we reached Dewberry Creek. 

"That enough excitement for you?" He asked me as we settled into a relaxed canter. 

"For now," I grinned. 

"How's that saddle suiting you?" He asked and I glanced down at it. 

"It's great! Thank you for letting me use it," I said.

"It's yours now, I don't need it."

"Hey, can you catch?" I asked, reaching into the pocket of my jeans and retrieving a watch. 

"From the back of a horse?" Arthur looked over at me with a cocked brow. I drew my arm back as if I was about to toss it to him. ”No, I probably can't!" He quickly said and I laughed; I was never actually going to throw it.

Our horses slowed even more and I steered Rayna closer to him, and handed Arthur the pocket watch. 

"It's one of the ones we got from the Schwartz' place. I snagged it from the pile for you," I told him. He opened it up and inspected it. It was a fancy looking watch; not that I knew much about them. I just thought it was nice and I had wanted to give something to Arthur as a token of gratitude.

"Aw, well this is very nice. Thank you, ma'am," he said, his words mumbled just a little like he wasn't sure how to act. 

"A little trade for the saddle, I suppose," I said. Arthur laughed.

"My old saddle that I was thinking of tossing?"

"Yeah well, that's a stolen watch, so I guess it's the thought that counts for the both of us," I said and Arthur seemed to agree. 

"You know this thing is engraved?"

"Is it, where?”

"On the inside of the case, it says; so you will always hold me close," he read out. My face flushed, I hadn't noticed at all and I might've thought twice about giving it to him if I'd have known. No doubt he thought there was something behind it, a not so subtle hint. "Reckon it's from his wife?" He asked, and I was relieved that he seemed so unbothered by it.

After a moment to gather myself I said; "Either her or his last servant girl," and Arthur laughed aloud, clicking the watch closed and slipping it into his satchel. "Struck me as the type to always have a bit on the side."

"You know, it's a shame I couldn't come along with you to do that job," he said, surprising me. 

"You'd've wanted to?"

"Yeah. Especially if I knew Micah was gonna go with you instead," he sighed.

"You really ain't fond of him, are you?" I observed and he gave me an obvious look. "Well, I thought he was a bit of a creep. He was great at his job but he sure weren't comfortable to be alone with."

"No surprises there. I reckon he'll try something with you, given half a chance. He's bothered all the girls, Abigail'll tell you; but you're the shiny new toy. Dutch knows what he's like, I'm not sure why he'd send him off with you.”

"I needed someone to do the job with and he was available," I shrugged. 

"I suppose. Just you be careful with him."

”I will be. I've dealt with fellers like him before, in saloons all over these parts," I said, then glanced past him at the view behind him. "Wow, look at that. This country really is beautiful, ain't it?"

Both of us stopped on the trail for a moment, looking out across Scarlett Meadows. We were by an expanse of rolling hills filled with wildflowers, lush trees and wildlife. Deer were wandering in small clusters and the sound of birdsong surrounded us. It was moments like this that made me really appreciate how lucky I was to still be alive. 

Arthur pulled a journal out of his satchel and flipped it open. Without saying a word he started sketching in it, putting down what he saw in front of him on paper. I was impressed by how his eyes stayed mostly on the scenery, only dipping down occasionally to check on where his pencil was going; it occurred to me he must draw a lot to be so confident with his marks. 

"I won't be a minute," he murmured as he worked. I leaned forward, resting on the horn of my saddle as I waited for him. 

Truth be told we could stay there all day, I was more than happy admiring the way he worked. The way his large hand gripped the pencil with surprising sensitivity, his wrist moving in jerky motions as he blocked in areas of light and dark, the way he was completely absorbed in what he was doing to the point where I wouldn't dream of speaking to him at the risk of distracting him. I was thoroughly rapt by him in that moment, and the realisation that my little crush on him was only growing more intense came knocking. My instinct was to look away from him at that, but I didn't. 

By the time he was done the side of his hand was muckied with graphite from where he'd moved it across the paper, but he didn't seem to notice or mind as he lifted his journal, having a proper look at what he'd produced. He was good, the drawing he'd made stretched over two pages and it was lovely, and he'd done it so quickly. He flipped the page and wrote something down briefly, before closing up his journal and putting it away. With that, he picked up his reins and carried on. 

He just wasn't going to say something about that?

"You draw?" I said, stating the obvious. "From what I saw that was really good, Arthur."

"I like to keep a record of the things I see," he told me. "I wouldn't know if they really are any good, but I draw them for myself so I suppose it don't really matter."

"Well, I thought it was good," I shrugged. "Not that my opinion matters."

"Thanks," he said, looking over at me. He looked like he was waiting for something, I just looked back at him blankly until he chuckled. "I reckon you're one of the first people who ain't asked to look."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want me to ask?" Oops, was that incredibly rude of me?

"No," he shook his head. "I'm pleasantly surprised, is all."

"Oh, good. Well, I didn't ask because I know those things are sometimes personal, and in your case it clearly is. I used to draw, but I couldn't get two lines sketched before someone was looking over my shoulder. It embarrassed me, to be honest, so I haven't done it in a while." 

"You should start again. What did you like to draw?" 

"Would it sound terribly conceited if I said I drew myself a lot? I used to sit in front of the mirror in my mother's room and sketch myself. I liked drawing faces but my family didn't like it when I tried to draw them, told me to stop staring. So I just used myself as a model," I chuckled. 

"You wanna draw something now?" He offered.

"Right now?"

"Sure. I'll give you some paper, let you borrow my pencil. You can even draw me, if you like drawing faces. I don't mind, it'll give me an excuse to sit still for a while and do nothing," he laughed. 

"Oh, that's a lot of pressure, it'll be bad. I haven't picked up a pencil in ages."

"You don't have to show me," he reassured me. He said it so softly and with such understanding that I felt touched by it. I paused for a moment, then nodded. 

"Then, yes please. I'd enjoy that."

[nadziejastar]

I'm thoroughly enjoying the LeaIsa discourse, especially Isa possibly having been subject X in perhaps another canon. Isa's symbolism's also seem intentionally feminine in nature. I've head-cannoned that the current subject X in game could have somehow had her heart spirited away into Isa's (mirroring Sora and Kairi's situation, except the heart being far more buried in the depth's of Isa's). An unlikely scenario is that Isa was AFAB as a child and even Lea doesn't know about it or remember.

Lea: The Wounded Healer

Thank you! Yeah, everything about Isa’s symbolism is feminine in nature. And very intentionally so, LOL. He’s the Yin to Lea’s Yang; the Moon to his Sun. I love the whole concept, and I wish it wasn’t so taboo to step outside of gender boxes. The mythology is that Twin Flames separate and go through many lifetimes apart, never meeting in person. Over the reincarnation cycle, the two lovers balance their masculine and feminine sides so that they are both perfectly balanced. And I do think Lea is a very balanced character in that regard. I’m sure Isa was, too. During their final lifetime in the reincarnation cycle, Twin Flames finally reunite and change the world with their divine spiritual love. 

I cannot imagine there’s any other explanation than Isa originally being Subject X. It simply makes way too much sense, and all the pieces fit perfectly. Your head canon is interesting. I prefer that over canon where Isa and Lea are apprentices and had NO connection to the experiments on the darkness of the heart. That just makes no sense at all. They could have had another girl involved without taking away from Lea and Isa’s tragic backstory. Another reason I like Isa being Subject X is that he would need healing, and Lea would need to give him a “birth by sleep”. KH3 kinda forgot about that whole concept. But there’s a lot of evidence that it was supposed to be a HUGE aspect of Lea’s character arc. Would have been a lot more rewarding to see than what he did in canon.

Stuff like this is exactly why Lea and Isa are my favorite characters. I can tell the writers had a hard on for them, too. Nomura really loved Axel, after all. Axel has a weapon called Prometheus which incorporates the Sagittarius symbol, and so do the vast majority of Saïx’s weapons. Moreover, the arrow is mainly prominent in Saïx’s Berserk form, which is where I think his captured heart resides. Now, why is this symbol so important? Because Sagittarius is Chiron, the Wounded Healer! He gave up his immortality for Prometheus, and was rewarded with immortality in the stars!

More About Sagittarius

Yen Sid: “I must warn you again–the road will not be easy.”

Lea: “Fine. Let’s jump right in.”

Ruled by Jupiter, the planet of growth and opportunity, the sign of the Archer is an eternal student, looking for enlightenment through new ideas, people, and places. Sagittarius is on the hunt for the biggest, best experiences life has to offer. They have a positive and outgoing personality that makes them the life of any party. With a love of adventure and all things exotic, the worldly Archer just wants to soak it all in. Sagittarius is driven by a constant need to explore and expand its mind, heart, and awareness to the fullest extent. Fiery and free, Sagittarius knows that the only limits are the ones we create ourselves.

Chiron: The Wounded Healer

Naminé: “And if the hurt is too great for you to bear it alone–well, then you turn to a friend close to your heart.”

Wounded healer is a term created by psychologist Carl Jung. The idea states that an analyst is compelled to treat patients because the analyst himself is “wounded”. For Jung, “it is his own hurt that gives a measure of his power to heal. This, and nothing else, is the meaning of the Greek myth of the wounded physician.”

Chiron was in outstanding pain and anguish; there was no medication that would ease the infliction. The fact was, even the gifted physician Chiron couldn’t heal himself. The next problem was that Chiron was in torment but, immortal. Chiron was not able to obtain freedom from the pain with the onset of death. In such a scenario, Chiron volunteered himself as a replacement for Prometheus, who had been penalized by the gods for giving fire to humankind; His punishment was to be enchained to a giant stone. Day-after-day an aquila descended and polished off his liver, which grew once more as it got dark …only to be consumed by the eagle once again.

So in essence, Chiron forfeited his eternal life so man could have use of fire. Hercules had been appealing to Zeus (Jupiter) for help, and Hercules agreed to supply an appropriate replacement for Prometheus, thereby setting him free. Thus, Chiron replaced Prometheus, gave up eternity, and went to Tartarus (the Underworld) in Prometheus’ stead. Zeus witnessed everything that happened and he knew how deplorable his son Hercules felt. Zeus afforded the dear Centaur a resting place in the heavens, as the constellation Sagittarius the Archer, in recognition of his benevolence and perpetuity.

Chiron and Artemis

Axel: “Why do I always get stuck with the icky jobs?”

Saïx has a weapon called Artemis, after the moon goddess. Artemis has a relationship to Chiron. Centaurs were notorious for being wild, lusty, overly indulgent drinkers and carousers, violent when intoxicated, and generally uncultured delinquents. Chiron, by contrast, was intelligent, civilized and kind, because he was not related directly to the other centaurs due to his parentage. Soon after giving birth to Chiron, his mother abandoned him out of shame and disgust. Chiron, effectively orphaned, was later found by the god Apollo, who decided to take him in as his son.

Apollo taught to him the art of music, lyre, archery, medicine and prophecy. Apollo’s twin sister, Artemis taught him more about archery and hunting. Chiron’s uniquely peaceful character, kindness and intelligence is attributed to Apollo and Artemis. Artemis only loved one man, Orion. She killed him by accident after being tricked into thinking the he was a villain who had attacked one of her priestesses. Orion, whilst swimming to escape a giant scorpion, is killed by Artemis’ arrows after the goddess could only see his distant bobbing head and failed to recognize the hunter. Artemis tried to bring Orion back to life, but was unable. It was Artemis’ regret at the loss of her hunting companion which allowed him to become a constellation and gain immortality amongst the stars.

Sagittarius Mythology also figures in the tale of Orion. One Greek mythology tale tells of how Sagittarius the Archer was directed to shoot down Scorpio the Scorpion, which had been sent off to murder Orion. This story gives the reason why the Archer’s arrow is aimed toward the ‘heart of the scorpion’.

Friendship

Ven: “Already?”

Lea: “I’ll see ya when I see ya. After all, we’re friends now. Get it memorized.”

Ven: “Okay, Lea.”

Sagittarius make excellent friends because of their encouraging, positive nature and their kind heart that will do anything to make sure the friend is happy. They do not expect favors in return; their kindness is selfless. They do not interfere with other people’s plans and they are never possessive or jealous. They treat others the way they want to be treated and live life based on a ‘live and let live’ policy, making them very agreeable. They are excellent conversationalists with a good sense of humor. Sometimes their humor is the raw truth, but these people speak their mind and don’t hold anything back. What they say is what they mean. They do not like mind games; they like straightforwardness and expect it in return.

Axel: “C'mon, let’s get some ice cream.”

Roxas: “Why?”

Axel: “Whaddaya mean, why? Because we’re friends.”

Roxas: “So…friends are people who have ice cream together?”

Axel: “Sort of… That, or laugh at stupid stuff that doesn’t make any sense. Like those kids we just saw–they were friends. C'mon, I’ll show you how it works.”

Sagittarius are known for saying the ‘painful truth’. On the other hand, people know that they can trust what they say because they always say what is real. They never hide anything and are very likable people. The only people that might not get along with them are people that live by a daily agenda with a highly structured, organized life. They are likely to always be running late and miss a date, but this is only because they are so forward thinking that they forget about the present. Tolerance is required. They do not do these things on purpose; this is just who they are. If you understand this and accept this, having a Sagittarius in your life will make the sun shine a lot brighter.

Axel: “Best friends are willing to deal with complications.”

Wise and understanding Sagittarius is connected to the Temperance Tarot card. The gentle process of tempering is about finding a perfect middle state, and combining the best of all things to forge something that is stronger than the sum of its parts. By bringing the power of the philosophical world into their physical world, Sagittarius makes itself a source of ultimate truth and awareness.

Both Sagittarius and the Temperance card are constantly striving for a more enlightened state of being. The angel in the Tarot card here demonstrates this by slowly pouring the liquid from one golden cup into another – a process called “tempering” (a slow process of integration that leads to the perfect middle state). Similarly, Sagittarius accomplishes this by exploring the far reaches of both the physical and philosophical world to expand on or “temper” what is already known. The symbols of Temperance mean the following:

Angel: Interacting with the material world while maintaining a sense of spirituality and higher purpose.

Triangle: Interplay of masculine and feminine or spirituality and materiality.

Cups: The fountain of energy between your opposite tendencies, which is flowing and spontaneous yet also balanced and coherent.

Path: Taking your time through life’s twists and turns; being content in the moment or throughout unexpected obstacles.

Water: Groundedness and refreshment through spiritual thinking.

Mountains: The distant journeys awaiting you that will bring you to spiritual fulfillment.

Sun: The sun, also appearing as the angel’s third eye, represents the merging of personal aims with the universe’s plans for you.

Fire Wings: Muscles and strength necessary to maintain composure and reach a higher being state.

The Angel

Axel: “As long as we remember each other, we’ll never be apart. Got it memorized?”

The Angel’s beautiful, red wings represent blood or life, while the triangle on her dress means spirit – also the elemental symbol for fire. And, similar to adventurous Sagittarius, the angel’s feet are also symbolic of the eternal pilgrimage or spiritual journey. By showing one foot in the water and the other on the shore we are reminded that our greatest wisdom lies in the art of balancing. And lastly, the iris flowers are indicative of the Goddess Iris who provides the link between God and humanity. Like Sagittarius, she travels from one end of the world to another – building upon something that is bigger and brighter than herself.

In a general context, the Temperance Tarot card represents coolness in the face of shifting emotional tides. Temperance is the ability to control one’s temper or temperament. In Thailand there is a concept called “cool heart.” In this phrase, cool does not mean cruel and unemotional. Rather, to act with a “cool heart” means that one is not easily stirred or provoked to go off the handle; one does not quickly come to a raging boil but maintains a steady temperature despite shifting external circumstances. Similarly, Temperance stands with one foot in a cool stream and pours water from one cup into another. Temperance knows how to direct the water in a way that maintains homeostasis.

The 7 of Swords

Lea: “And if the darkness gets ya, I promise I’ll bail you out. “Dark Rescue” is my middle name.”

Axel’s weapon “Prometheus” is Lift Gear. This is the same gear that the Temperance Arcana in Luxord’s deck is listed under. Coincidence? I think not. Luxord’s card has the shape of the Minor Arcana, The 7 of Swords. In general, this card is said to be about betrayal and deception. It is sometimes called the ‘Thief’ card. In a general context, it represents deception, lies, trickery, cheating and lack of conscience. This card also signifies mental manipulation, tactics, scheming, cunning, enemies who masquerade as friends and spies in your camp. It represents escaping detection and getting away with something.

On a more positive note, the 7 of Swords points out that you need to be strategic in what you do. It can also represent flexibility, adaptability, sharp wit, and resourcefulness. You know you cannot do everything at once – nor should you. Instead, you must prioritize what’s important to you and direct your focus and attention on the few tasks that will move you closer to your goals. When this card is seen in a reading, the deception is usually short lived. Nobody is able to carry away 7 swords and get away with it. So although the party may feel smug about it at the time, it’s about to blow up in their face.

Sagittarius’ Ruling Planet: Jupiter

Lea: “I want everybody I meet to remember me. Inside people’s memories, I can live forever.”

Isa: “I know I won’t forget you. Believe me, I try all the time.”

Lea: “See, I’m immortal!”

Larger-than-life Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter, the planet of luck and expansion. In Roman mythology, Jupiter was the king of the gods, the biggest and the best. In Astrology Jupiter is known as the “benefic” planet, meaning it is the luckiest, most opportunistic planet of all. This positive energy influences Sagittarius’ optimistic, enlightening, and outgoing nature that shines and spreads through anyone they come into contact with. As the largest planet in our cosmos, Jupiter’s vastness encourages Sagittarius to stretch its mind and heart as far as it can.

Sagittarius’ Symbol: The Archer

Xigbar: “You’re not supposed to be here!”

Lea: “Promises to keep. I’ll always be there to get my friends back. What, bad timing? You had your perfect little script, but you kinda forgot to write the sequel. Now, let’s find out what happens!”

The zodiac sign Sagittarius is associated with the Archer, and its glyph represents an arrow. Always eager to explore new horizons, the Archer sets its sights on a faraway target, then shoots toward it with precision. This focus on learning more, doing more, and seeing more is what Sagittarius is all about.

Ruled by expansive Jupiter, Sagittarius is big-hearted, open, and always looking beyond a checklist. A Sagittarius rarely has a “type.” They are always intrigued by the individual, and don’t make any assumptions about people until they’ve truly met and spoken with them. Sagittarius loves witty back and forth banter. A Sagittarius in love is a sight to behold. Aggressively fun, this sign usually moves full speed ahead once they have their love target ‘locked’.

Selene

Ventus: “I remember dreaming a lot. Of you and Terra. Of Sora and his friends too, I think. And there were some more people I didn’t recognize. Oh, and I saw these weird animal creatures! It’s like…I’ve been part of some big adventure.”

Saïx has a weapon named Selene, after the chaste Greek Moon goddess. It’s shaped like a torch. Selene’s torch has an interesting role in art and history. Selene was taken with Endymion, a beautiful youth who tended his flocks on Mount Latmos. She accompanied Cupid and used the light of the torch to gaze upon the mortal she fell in love with while he slept.  

Girodet’s “The Sleep of Endymion” shows the moment that Cupid parts the trees so the Moon may shine her light down upon her sleeping lover’s face. Only at night when he is asleep does she quietly creep down to him, accompanied by Cupid, whose torch symbolizes burning love.

In a Roman floor mosaic from the third century CE, the scene focuses on the moment when Selene falls in love with the young mortal shepherd. Cupid, in the upper right corner, points down at Endymion as if guiding Selene’s gaze towards him. Selene steps out of her bull-drawn biga that she uses to pull the moon across the sky each night, and raises a lit torch that illuminates Endymion’s face in the darkness. She peers down at him longingly. Endymion is fast asleep and unaware of her presence. She was so in love that she asked Zeus to give Endymion immortal life.

Sagittarius’ Ruling House: 9th House of Expansion

Roxas: “I found out about love on today’s mission–that it’s something powerful.”

Axel: “That’s true. It is. But I’ll never get to experience it.”

As the 9th sign in the zodiac, Sagittarius rules over the 9th House of Expansion. This house reveals how open our minds are, and how much we expand ourselves through education, exploration, and life lessons. From philosophical conversations to book research to world travel, the 9th house encourages you to go further than you’ve ever gone before. Sagittarius’ drive for adventure, growth, and awareness is strongly represented here.

When Venus is in Sagittarius

Axel: “Love is what happens if there’s something really special between two people.”

Saïx’s weapon Horoscope incorporates the Venus and Sagittarius symbols while in its Berserk form. So, the astrological correspondence is Venus in Sagittarius. Venus is the planet of love, self-worth, and all things beautiful. Her style is sweet, cooperative, and peaceful. But when this graceful planet’s energy mixes with the free-spirited sign of Sagittarius, her joyful side comes out to play. Hearts come out of hiding while Venus moves through Sagittarius. The happy and free energy of Sagittarius turns Venus up a few notches, encouraging us to live life to the fullest. This is a time to socialize, to try new things, and to look for love in different places.

Sagittarius is the sign of the adventurer, so when Venus is traveling through this sign, we find ourselves drawn to exotic people, places, and experiences. Old routines and worn-out relationships are at risk of being traded in for something bigger, brighter, and better while Venus is in Sagittarius. We want to expand beyond our usual boundaries, and may give up some of our comfortable patterns of the past to try out new experiences. Love needs to grow during this transit – it will not stand still.

Sagittarius’ Element: Fire

No. VIII AXEL—An assassin who puts his own agenda first, and everything else on the back burner. Wields fire.

The zodiac sign Sagittarius is a Fire sign that lights up our lives with profound questions and exciting ideas. Just like an uncontrollable wildfire, this sign will happily go where the wind takes them to seek new experiences. Sagittarius uses its Fire energy on its lifelong journey of exploration, always ready to jump at the next adventure. The element of Fire continues to fuel Sagittarius’ never ending supply of optimism and inspiration.

The Goddess Hestia: The Keeper of the Flame

Axel: “Well, I think you can be inseparable, even if you’re apart. It’s like, if you feel really close to each other. Like best friends.”

Saïx’s weapons Moonrise and Moonset are shaped like ⚶ the astrological symbol for the asteroid Vesta, also known as Hestia in Greek mythology. Her name means “the essence”, the true nature of things. Hestia was the Greek Goddess of the sacred fire. She was the most influential and widely revered of the goddesses. She was was one of the three ‘virgin’ goddesses, next to Athena and Artemis. Hestia was depicted as a beautiful and bashful woman, usually seated. The living flame of Hestia was tended constantly and never allowed to die out, for it represented the energy of all life.

Hestia was a kind goddess and had a discrete character. She never left her residence, the sacred mountain of Olympus. She never involved herself in the fights and machinations of the other gods and goddesses, somehow managing to stay above the fray. Non-judgmental and forgiving, her unconditional love and calm acceptance inspired the love and trust of others in return. Dependable and caring, she was always there for them and helped them to manage their lives, which were certainly more exciting than her own. These virtues define the goddess Hestia: mild, gentle, forgiving, peaceful, serene, dignified, calm, secure, stable, welcoming, and, above all else, well-centered.

Sagittarius’ Color: Purple

Axel: “You know, I’ve been thinking about something Naminé said. Roxas…are you really sure that you don’t have a heart? Is it possible that we all have one? You, me, her… Or is that just wishful thinking?”

Rich and luscious purple is the color of Sagittarius. Purple is a color of abundance, which encourages Sagittarius’ natural luck and its drive to expand its mind and world. The color purple is also associated with spirituality and enlightenment, empowering Sagittarius’ philosophical explorations and lifelong quest for knowledge.

The Sun

Axel: “Hey, Roxas. Bet you don’t know why the sun sets red. You see, light is made up of lots of colors. And out of all those colors, red is the one that travels the farthest.”

Roxas: “Like I asked! Know-it-all.”

Saïx’s weapons Orbit and Lunar Phase incorporate the Sagittarius symbol with the combined stars of Ishtar and Shamash. There’s also a Recusant’s sigil visible over the Sun symbol. The Sun, the giver of life, represents our conscious mind in astrology. It represents our will to live and our creative life force. Just as the planets revolve around the Sun in our solar system, we derive our life purpose from the Sun in our natal charts. The Sun is our ego. It is the part of us that reasons things out, and makes final decisions. The Sun is our basic identity, and represents self-realization. The Sun also represents our overall vitality. The happiest people on this earth are those who identify with the Sun’s expression.

Sagittarius’ Quality: Mutable

Axel: “Let’s meet again in the next life.”

Roxas: “Yeah. I’ll be waiting.”

As the last sign of autumn, Sagittarius helps us celebrate one last hoorah as fall comes to a close and the season of hibernation begins. Sagittarius, with a love for variety and change, uses its Mutable energy to shake the fiery radiance off the leaves and allow them to fall. As winter approaches, this Fire sign keeps us going by fueling our desire for adventure and fun, and helps us remain optimistic that light and warmth will return again.

[lostgirlfromneverlandxxx]

Took you long enough

Pairing: Derek Hale x Reader

Request by @5sos-trashood

Can you do one where before the fire Derek and y/n were best friends (y/n a werewolf too) but after it Derek shuts off and pushes her away but when she hears about something supernatural in beacon hills she comes back

Sorry if that was confusing but you don’t have to write it just a small idea. Thanks :)

Sorry it took me so long to write a new imagine ven though I told you guys to be back. Had a ruff time but now I'm really back!

______________________________

Reader's POV

I pulled out one of my headphones because I was hearing something knocking against my window. I stop and listen for a while. There were small noises. I get up and look out of my window. It was already 11pm so who would be standing outside trying to get my attention?

I focus and find Derek standing under the huge tree in front of my window. He's throwing another pebble to my window when I open it. "Der? What are you doing here so late?" I think he's blushing a little. "Can I come in?" I step back and he starts climbing up the tree and gets inside my room. "Hey... uhm yeah I don't know why I'm here. I wanted to see you, I guess?" he blushes even more.

We've been friends for so long now. "It's okay Der. You haven't answered my texts though, I'm still mad about that, hon." I smile and push his shoulder playfully. "Yeah sorry about that." he sits down on my bed and looks at me. "Did something happeen between you and Paige? She's the reason for you neglecting me, right?" I know I shouldn't be dissapointed. I should be happy for my best friend but I can't.

"Yeah... forget about her," he let's himself fall onto the matress. What happenned? I thought he loved her? "Why? Aren't you in love with her?" I push my nails into my palms. He doesn't seem to notice. "I thought I was... we kissed but I didn't feel anything." I am kinda relieved right now. "But that's good, right?" I ask. My voice is shaking a little. He looks up at me. "I guess..." he starts blushing again and looks away. "What's the problem now, Der? I have to get to sleep so if you don't need my help you should leave." I cross my arms in front of my chest. I can't talk to him. He kissed her and I don't know how to feel about it. I've been wanting to kiss him for such a long time now... but he can't know about my crush ."Sorry. I didn't mean to bother you." he gets up and heads to the window. "I didn't mean it... sorry, Der. There's just so much going on right now." he looks at me. Every time he looks at me like that I just want to forget everything and cuddle up to him. "What happened?" he sounds worried. "Oh nothing." he puts his hand under my chin and makes me look into his beautiful green eyes. "Tell me the truth Y/N."

I try to turn away but he wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me closer. I think my heart is about to explode. "It's nothinng, Der. Really." he presses his forehead against mine. "Yeah. Too bad that I don't believe you, sweetheart." he stresses the last word. I want to reply but the words get stuck in my throat. "Come on Y/N. Tell me." he whispers. Now our noses are touching. I want to kiss him so badly... "Why didn't you have feelings for Paige?" I manage to form some words. He exhales slowly "Beause I've been..."

We hear a lound noise. It sounds like an explosion. We uickly turn towards the window. In the distance I can see a huge fire... "Oh my god..." that is Dereks home... I just stare at him. "Der?" he doesn't react, I try to hug him but he jumps out of the window and runs towards the burning house.

_________________

That was 10 years ago. I haven't heard from him since that night. After I graduated I moved away. I had to get out of town. I wanted to concentrate on my career. I wanted to become a lawyer but I just couldn't. Instead I started to work as a bounty hunter. I open my laptop and my heart stings when I see the background...

it's an old picture of Derek and I. I quickly open my mails and look through the newest offers. There is a vampire clan in Beacon Hills. I could go back... maybe he did come back too? "The job will be done in 3 days." I reply and turn off my laptop. I don't have to pack much for the trip just some clothes. Most of my weapons are in my car aready. I throw the things into the car and get in. Let's go back to Beacon Hills... I slowly breath out and start driving.

_________________________

Derek's POV

"We can't kill all of them Derek! We are going to die trying." Scott stands beside me in the corner of the storage hall. We fou d the vampires that killed innocents in Beacon Hills. What we didn't know is that we had to deal with a whole clan. "Yeah... but there needs to be a way to get out of this mess." I already managed to kill a dozen of vampires but they just seem to come back. I heard a loud whistle and an "Over hear bloodsuckers!".

I've heard that voice before... Scott looks at me with fear in his eyes. The vampires are distracted from whatever just walked into the hall. I quickly attack some of them and rip their heads off when I see a beautiful wolf with golden fur surrounded by at least 20 vampires. Her eyes are an icy blue but they seem to warm up when she looks at me for a brief moment.

Scott rushes past me and attacks some of the vampires surrounding her. I growl and jump onto the vampire that was just about to sink his fangs into her neck. We keep fighting side by side until all of them are dead. The wolf disappears and Scott turns to me. "Who was that?" I just shake my head. "I think I know who she is..." I start walking away but he follows me. "Care to enlighten me?" I just ignore him and run into the wood.

Her scent seems to b everywhere but I think I know where she's heading. I walk up to thr burnt down house. "Why did you come back?" I ask loudly. She steps out of the shadow. "I get payed for this." she looks at me. Her expression unreadable. "Why'd you come back?" she looks at me. I think I see hate in her eyes. "Beacon Hills needed and Alpha." my eyees burn red, She stares back at me with her icy blue eyes. "Yeah. That's why you come bback after all those years but your best friend didn't matter at all." she almost spits out the words. She looks so hurt.

"I... I'm sorry Y/N. I shouldn't have just left you." she laughs. "Yeah. Shut up. It's not like I care anyways." she turns around. When did she get so cold? Is it all because of me? Because I left her that night and never tried to reach out to her? "Y/N please. That night... I wanted to tell you something but after what happened I couldn'nt. I didnt want you to get hurt." she stops. "I can take care of myself." her eyes glow more vibrant now. I quickly walk up to her and grab her arm, turning her around. "You asked me why I didn't feel anything when I kissed Paige that night. That was because I've been in love with you the whole time. Heck... I still am." she just stares at me. I pull her closer and press my lips against hers in a desperate kiss. "Took you long enough, hon." she grins and pulls me down into another kiss. This time more passionate.

______________________

I hope you enjoyed this little imagine. Feel free to leave requests. I'll do Derek imagines and some about other series tooo if you'd like. I really want to get more into writing again and I hope to read some feedback!

[soldierallen]

Married. 4

Summary: you're in love with Sebastian and you're one of his three best friends however he finds a women be loves and marries her

Warnings: cursing, an argument.

Featuring: Sebastian Stan, Henry Cavill, Alexandra Daddario.

Part 3:

-

She drove to Henry's office, it was only a few miles away from the hotel.

Sebastian turned on music in the car he seemed calmer, happy to be not around her I don't know but that's the vibe I am getting

"You know I've always loved this area" he looked out the window sitting in the passengers side

"Why didn't you buy a house here instead of the suburbs?" Henry had a hotels all over the city but he worked closely only to one, the one in the middle of Times Square on Broadway he had an office in Hell's Kitchen not too far,

"I did what she wanted, not what I wanted i wanted to live right in the middle of everything the lights traffic, all of it" he tried not to feel bad for himself but he did he was never selfish on anything he put everyone else before himself until recently because she taught him to be selfish and non-giving he wasn't like this it was new for her and rest of the boys.

"But we made the right choice" he lied to himself and she knew he was lying..

Henry called "you're on speaker with me and seb" she yelled out

"I'm at the Hilton come here instead of my office" that sneaky bastard!, she tried not to smile but she did

"Okay we'll meet you in a little" they hung up

"What was that about he never goes to the hotel? And this early?" Sebastian said confused "Oh he told me eariler he had business there I guess he's not finished" lie, he was finished he just stood at the hotel so he could catch Alex and her "person" together.

The two friends talked walking down the parking garage and entering the hotel lobby, they went up to the front desk

"Where's Henry Cavill the owner of this joint?" She laughed

"He's not in" a very stuck up voice looking at the screen on her computer rather than looking at Sebastian or y/n the two very confused as to why she was being so mean?. Sebastian got a hold of Henry but he appeared out of nowhere

"Mr Cavill I'm sorry I tried to stall" the women said at the desk, they saw Henry his shirt was untucked a few buttons opened and a shiny substance on his lips...lip gloss Henry nodded being embarrassed that he was caught

"I'm sorry about that" he said he was embarrassed "cougar? your age? Or 19?" She tried to lighten his mood

"That 19 year old was one time she lied she was older she was in a club for god sakes and Why are you dressed like that?" Henry asked she had on red short shorts with white sneakers, a shirt that was stripped up and different colors

"Did you pick out your clothes in the dark? Aw sweetheart" Sebastian said both of the men laughed loudly in the hallways "very funny, are we not going to acknowledge Henry having sex before we got here? And talked to us on the phone whilst being in her? Or just about my outfit??" she said they laughed

"I had sex and you're wearing a bad outfit we all make mistakes" Henry said trying not to break character and laugh "you know what assholes" she started to laugh but soon the sound faded from her throat as she looked in front of her she saw her...

"Don't be so dramatic we're just...playing..with...you" Sebastian said stopping midsenteces to really take a look at the women who had caught his eye

Right in her eye view was... Alex

"Is that ally?" Sebastian said pointing she was in the the dinner area she was there alone.. not for long

"see why she's here?" Henry said trying to look normal when really both Henry and y/n were dying inside ready for the big reveal

"Baby" she screamed loudly disrupting a few people's dinners of course, she ran towards him hugging him tightly Henry and y/n took a look at each other and then continued to look at what was unraveling infront of them.

"What are you doing here!" She smiled, we all knew it was fake except for Sebastian. Henry scratched his jawline ready to hear the excuse "this should be good" he whispered for only y/n to hear

"We came to have lunch with Henry? You told me you were staying the day at the house." His hands on her hips her hands on his neck

"My cousin came in town early and he wanted to spend time with me at his hotel, Henry is this one of you're hotels?" She asked knowing out of all the hotels he picked Henry's.

"Yes" he said short and sweet

"And you- I mean y/n you look well...rested" she said while letting go of seb, y/n rolled her eyes she felt like every time she was with her her eyes rolled so far back they were going to fall out her god damn head

"Where is he?" Sebastian said both of his friends a nervous wreck, I wonder what the devil herself was feeling she thought.

"Hes up in his room I'll call him" she said with a smile calling him

"Hey peter could you come down sebastian's here and he wants to meet you...ahuh Oh yeah?..oh my god of course of course...okay Yeah okay I'll see you in a while hope you feel better"

"No way she's getting away with this!" she whispered underneath her breath Henry nudged her to be quiet

"He's feeling really sick right now i have to get back to him, have fun with your lunch babe." she said with a smile and a kiss to his lips, y/n's stomach twisted from anger this was how she was suppose to get caught he's too fucking blind to see it, she walked away from us with a wave.

y/n Henry looked at each other with such defeat this was their way out, she won.

"Let's go to our seats" Henry said trying to shallow the anger of defeat, they sat at their respected seats ordered and everything "so the guys are throwing me a bachelor's party are you up for it Henry " he asked

"No" Henry said realizing how mad that sounded he had to fix the answer

"The only reason why is because we took that road trip for a week" Henry said

"Which was exhausting" y/n said matter of factly she looked at social media kind of engaging with conversation however she wasn't having it having Alex win with being caught really brought the spirits down, Tom's back in town.. maybe I should see him or something

"I mean the guys arranged it for me I have to go" he was talking about his bigheaded rich friends with the yacts

"Oh so you wanna be with the more expensive friends I see" y/n said making Henry give a nice smile on his face ready for a laugh

"No that's not what I meant" Sebastian said "Yeah we know we don't own yachts or go to fiji every week but who was there when you got black out drunk and threw up all over miss Jameson's front yard" still looking down at her phone texting

"me y/n and Anthony were so DRUNK as well, we had to clean it because Anthony lived next door we didn't want his parents to find out" Henry said laughing with y/n Sebastian laughed to "you're my best friends clearly I love you both but those guys are-" we cut him off midsentece

"Married, yeah we get it single friends left in the dust always" Henry said breaking the bread that sat on the table handing some to y/n She declined

"Come on" Sebastian said getting very defense of his new friends, Henry rolled his eyes clearly knowing Sebastian wasn't having it

"We're just busting your chops relax seb" she said she put her phone on the table gently

"What's on your mind?" Sebastian asked, it was a frequent question with the two.

"Nothing our food is here and I'm hungry" that wasn't the case at all.

the food arriving only minutes later and everyone collectively talked, ate and then Henry needed to get back " want me to drop you off there" y/n said "here's the asshole answer, my driver's outside" Henry said knowing what's coming, Sebastian and y/n made gagging noises "alright alright, I gotta go" he hugged them both he whispered in her ear as he hugged her "you have to tell him sooner or later" she tried to make beileve she didn't hear him. He walked out and them too

"Can you take me home?" He said she nodded, going up the hill to the garage she was swinging the keys around her finger not paying attention to the hill they were walking on the conversation didn't exist it was a nice silence they both got Into the car

"Sebastian I have to tell you something"

"Doll, are you okay? You look nervous what's on your mind"

"I'm fine but I need to tell you something and I can't wait any longer"

Here she goes...

"Seb-" she was cut off by a phone ringing that annoying fucking iPhone ringer pissed her off

"Can you not answer it this is important!" Y/n said getting clearly aggravated

"Its ally I have to something might be wrong" he eagerly was going to press call

"No you don't, Sebastian do not answer that phone!" He answered it anyways not complying to anything she said, she sighed her anger was getting so big in her chest, every time she tried to tell him she interrupted someway or another it's like she had a god damn tracker on her.

She started the car and begin to drive as Sebastian talked on the phone, she thought maybe she could just tell him right now while he's on the phone with her. She drove to his house and he finally hung up she wasn't going to talk to him.

"Doll I'm sorry what did you want to tell me"

"Nothing" she continued to drive looking at the road soley "Please tell me I'm sorry"

She took a turn down his street

"You're home" she drove into his drive way parking waiting for him to get out.

"Y/n please tell me what's on your mind?"

"you know you always gotta fuck it up? we were having such a nice day we had an incredible night together ugh just you're so oblivious to everything it's ridiculous" she exploded finally

"Please tell me what you were going to tell me" he tried his best not to get loud to get his point across

"I asked you to do me one favor don't answer the phone I need to talk to you- you just go ahead on your way and answer the fucking phone!"

"So tell me" He yelled They both got out of her car slamming the doors shut, both of them in front of the car she was furious

"I'm sorry please enlighten me what's so god damn important" his voice raising to meet her voice

"I'm not going to your fucking wedding, you asshole" getting back into the car

he was in shock "y/n wait we need to talk about this Y/N" he screamed her name loudly she got into the car and drove away, he threw his bag on the floor his hands rubbing his face harshly

"Chris" she yelled over the speakers on the call

"Yeah what's wrong"

"I need you"

"I'm on my way"

Tagged: @hiddlestonstansworld @lovely-geek @imcalledflorence @misz-adrii @escapistdreamer-wishfulthinker @someplxce @cuddlesforlashton @coffeebooksandfandom @weasley16 @ilovethewayyourheartbeats @vogueworthy-barnes @xeniarocks @thisismysecrethappyplace

[youcancallmemeimei]

Hieloowww, Happy Munday! hope your monday isn't as munday as it sounds XD sry i'm so munday today. How's this week? hope this week isn't as crazy as your last week!! and yes! I also want to go back to the very beginning of the time, because I actually had put my tiny teenage soul into a small capsule like a few few years back and buried it by a pine tree. I meant to dig it back up but I handed over a shovel to another one whom I thought could hand it back to me when it becomes the right time, but seems like that ain't happen yet so haha yea I have some things that I miss and those could be the reason why I want to go back in times to just live those early memories again. I don't know, but yea it sounds very romantic in that sense =D, I've ordered some samples of those 3 perfumes that you mentioned! kinda excited because I never held any women perfumes in my crib before actually hahaha i might fall in love with the air around my living room after I get those samples wknos lmao but yeah, i heard the smell is one of those senses that keep our memories together through the long journey, I really wish I had a chance to smell some more scents in the past and sometime I also wish some of my memories had tied with some scent so I could remember it more vividly, but sadly some of the most important ones I have no memory of smell, well.. but if the brain-triggered smell which only exists in one's brain could also be considered as a type of smell than I have those kind of scent that ties with those important memories. like even if you don't actually smell a thing your brain perceive some memories as a form of smell or they function as some sort of smell, that sometimes like when you feel so happy or so excited you may feel like you are smelling something so sweet and fruity and floral, namean? lmao. speaking of your biggest biggest inspiration can I take a guess? hmm.. I think it could be God!? but I could be wrong lol and you could enlighten me about it too! I'm willing to listen and learn about it because it sounds so interesting :D!!! Is your celebrity crush a Cha Eun Woo? hahahaa I have to admit he's just way too good looking even to same sex species but am not gay hahahaha you really have KISSED someone ?! hahaha jkjk!!! how did that happen to youuuuu om that sounds so exciting hahahhaha you should boast about it and tell your story about the first kiss!! hahahaa and what happen with your crush a couple of years ago? would you wanna share some of those story with him owwww!! but you said you kissed a friend?!?! omy!! hahahaha how that happened? and are you guys okay as friends now?hahahaha I'd be so embarrassed see the other one for some long time if the person and I end up being just friends after that happen hahahahah (or I might would end up just enjoying that distance wknos but how bout you? hahahah). and sorry about hearing that people changed their minds after you revealed your heart to them... that mustn't be good memories to keep.. but you know there is always the time when you reveal and it becomes reciprocated although you don't actually seek for that reciprocation you'd rather just focus on what can be done from your side and keep your best for that person because who knows the new person that you pour your love into and reveal with honesty could earn you a better and more delightful one =D !! I mean.. let's just not lose our hope or close our doors to the others because of the bad memories of the past you know.. not everyone is same although some of the past has been repetitive for you.. like for myself I also have tendencies in my life that steers itself towards a certain direction like everytime and regardless of my will, and I also had closed myself away from all of surroundings for many many years and I think still I do for the most of part but I really still believe closing it up completely and leaving others for guessing games and with uncertainties will also need those "door-open" moments at some point for it to be fully realized as you dreamt to be, idk I just think and speaking things LMAO. -cont’d

Hi Hi Hiiii!

i mean shouldn't you be the one with the shovel? Imo you shouldn't depend on anyone to take your tiny teenage soul our of that small capsule you buried under that pine tree, people are busy dealing with their stuff, you should do it yourself, because if you don't do it no one else will, you can ask for help to do it faster, but at the end of the day its yours not theirs.

What do you think about the perfumes? do you like them? now you have a wider view of myself hahaha i hope you like them tho, please give me your honest opinion!!!!!1 please please! you might fall in love with them or me, who knows right?

And i mean obviously my biggest inspiration is God, but i'm talking abut a human being, someone i know, a HUMAN hahaha

Yeah my celebrity crush is Cha Eunwoo lmao i have a big fat crush on him, what a man hahahaha i want one for me

about the first kiss... guess what, i dont remeber anything about it, i dont remember with who, when, how, i have no clue, weird isnt it? it should be something special, magical, but i have no clue :(

Do you mean my crush who liked me? We're still friends hahaha nothing happened, we just liked each other and thats it.

and the friends i kissed yeah, i was a crazy kid back then, we're still friends tho, he says he's in love with me but i don't really care lmaooooo it happen in school days, he gifted me a cupcake (because i love cupcakes and he's a cheff) and i gave him a little kiss as a treat or as a thank you haha

and people change because they get power, once you tell them how you feel that becomes a weak point on you, but i dont see them as unpleasant memories to keep tbh, i keep them because it showed me who they really were, for example my crush who liked me, i told him and he was like, no way, baby i like you too, and he didnt change at all, so that thought me that no matter how much fragile (? i might look to him, he would never take advantage of that with the "power" i gave him, he'd believe me and not test me, and we've been friends for 5+ years and he's never used that power against me, he's had girlfriends and stuff but he's never said "do you remember when you used to like me? or when we used to do this and that years ago?" or things like that, and thats the people i like to keep around me you know? those that would never take advantage of you no matter the situation.

[leoninapelliolovesconchitawurst]

ENGLISH TRANSLATION (by me)

MSN.COM Oct 2019

https://www.msn.com/de-at/unterhaltung/entertainmentmusic/conchita-wurst-im-interview-die-erleuchtung-ist-mein-ziel/ar-AAJkTsF?ocid=ob-tw-deat-1515664162172&fbclid=IwAR2vYaULC8-0LzvjXt5x7Cnko2l9tSwyttCKYAPUuw2MJ71nmaFRWSojFk4#image=AAJkTsD

(Conchita) Wurst in an interview: "Enlightenment is my goal"

Would you have recognized him? Tom Neuwirth aka Conchita Wurst aka Wurst is back. His third album is on the market. The 2014 winner of the ESC will also rely on unconditional honesty in the interview in 2019.

Stop glamor! With his third album "Truth Over Magnitude", Tom Neuwirth alias Conchita Wurst is re-imagines. No pompous orchestra ballads, extravagant ball gowns and big feelings anymore, but short hairstyle, rough beats and clear posture. The ESC winner of 2014 sets 2019 on unconditional honesty. Together with the producer Albin Janoska and the copywriter Eva Klampfer, the 30-year-old has freed himself from expectations and role models. At the meeting in Berlin Neuwirth wears an elegant jeans outfit completely in black and looks bright, relaxed and accessible. "Wurst", as his current shortened stage name is, is all about himself. A conversation about meditation, technoraves and plane crashes.

Q: It is said that on the way here you got stuck in the elevator. Is that your personal hell?

Thomas "Wurst" Neuwirth: No, I was not. I simply chatted myself in another interview. I think my personal hell is an army of people moving into a city.

Q: Your new album is called "Truth Over Magnitude", Truth over strength. When was the last time you lied?

Neuwirth: 20 minutes ago (laughs). Hey, I'm an actor! No, I can’t remember the last time I knowingly lied. Of course, I also know these everyday phrases so as not to escalate a situation. This probably happens with a regularity that nobody notices, not even me. But I think it's perfectly alright to lie out of social thought, to prevent hurting others, or because my opinion on a topic is not necessarily important. It does not help to break a fight. Sometimes it's easier to wave and say, "Yeah, okay." But I do not mean that with "Truth". By that I mean the truth that is above everything. The irreversible, so to speak.

Q: The album contains an acronym for its nickname - "T.O.M". How is the album a demask for you?

Neuwirth: I think that this topic is more content-related than that it has to do with a mask. I would separate it visually and content. I am a person who always wants to hear the truth. I also do not think that I'm unmasking myself with the album final. Personally, I know what each song is about, and I have every situation in mind. This is also because I do everything I do primarily for me. I am very happy about anyone who participates in my world and in any way finds beautiful what I am doing. But personally, I have come to accept myself with all the strengths and weaknesses and to love myself. I work on myself and do my best - that's the truth that I'm talking about. The people who are close to me may understand more about what's going on in my songs. For the rest, there is music that anyone can interpret himself as he pleases.

The "President's wife"

Q: You once said that the role of Conchita was too narrow for you. What is the difference between "Wurst" and "conchita" in the decision to make progress?

Neuwirth: After the ESC I thought that experts knew better what is right for me or Conchita. What to do, how to sound, what clothes to wear, and so on. The ESC was a megachance that I did not want to spoil with my half-knowledge. So I have addressed the opinions of others and spun a protocol in my head that today I call "the President's wife". The "President's wife" has made me unhappy. I did not remember where I belonged, and everything was more like working off for me, just working. It took me a while to realize that if my name is on the door then I should be in there as well.

Q: As an artist, however, one always puts himself in the service of his audience in a certain way.

Neuwirth: In the past, I always wanted to become famous, but I did not know how. Main thing is the public, no matter how. That's why I did projects from A to Z, be it reality TV, casting shows, everything. I would still do the same thing. I was asked today if I would say something to my younger self. My answer was: "Absolutely not". I have a great life, so we did everything right.

Q: You have been in New York a couple of times now, including to mark the anniversary of the Stonewall protests. What did you learn there?

Neuwirth: I always thought that I was too European for L.A. and that New York was my city. But, between us: New York is pretty cool, but L.A. is just awesome! This city is a single show and if I can do something then it's show! (Laughs)

Q: You also gave a speech at the World AIDS Conference, where you were announced as an "icon". How do you deal with such terms?

Neuwirth: I think that's a bit exaggerated. Sometimes I'm called a role model, which I do not like. To be a role model implies sacrifice in my eyes. I do not sacrifice myself for anyone. I do what I do because I can not help it. I say the things that I feel and believe I have to say. If I had grown up in another family with a different attitude, for example, I would probably live it authentically. I am glad that I am the way I am. But if I were an arch-conservative lawyer now, for example, I would probably live my life as an arch-conservative lawyer does and do not think much about it.

"I live in my own world"

Q: A song is called "Satori", a term from Buddhism. What role does spirituality play for you?

Neuwirth: Enlightenment is my goal. I once heard a story of someone sitting in a crashed plane and just saying to himself, "Yeah, okay, that's it. It was good as it was." I try to savor every moment of my life so that in case of my death I can say: "I'm fine with it, it was awesome!"

Q: How close are you to this condition already?

Neuwirth: To the enlightenment? Well, I do not want to die yet (laughs). No, I'm not that far yet that I would stay completely relaxed in a crashed plane. I would still go completely crazy.

Q: The album is much more electronically designed than your previous releases.

Neuwirth: The music is very close to my current private taste. For example, when I sang the great ballads and wore pompous clothes, I only heard things like Celine Dion. That just fit, that was the soundtrack of my life. Now it is a bit rougher.

Q: "Truth Over Magnitude" links the music culture of Vienna, where you are still living, in a certain way. On the one hand Vienna is the city of the opera ball, on the other hand there has always been a vital club culture there. Have you ever been to a rave?

Neuwirth: What does it mean, because "still living"? Vienna is the most beautiful city in the world! If you believe the "Economist", Vienna has just been declared the most liveable city in the world for the third time in a row! As far as the scene is concerned, I've never been to a rave before. But I have to do that, I'm sure I’d enjoy it. But I live in my own world. I do not need someone else for everything to make certain experiences. Honestly, for many things I do, at first I just have no idea how to do that. What are the codes, what are the rules? - I have never had rules.

Q: The single "Trash All The Glam" can be interpreted as a break. Where does this change of heart come from?

Neuwirth: At some point I asked myself why I did not make the music that I hear privately. Thankfully, I met Albin Janoska who, for example, also produced SON and understands this genre. And I was able to win Eva Klampfer, who also appears as Lylit, as a copywriter. Albin instantly got me into this electric world, that was great. Hand on heart: I can not write songs. My thoughts are too simple, my tunes are not mature enough. I also do not write a diary, for example. But what I always do is pick things up. Sounds, melodies, phrases - then I open Garageband and hold that tight. Out of this, a whole archive was created, which I gave to Albin, and he produced demos based on that. He chopped my voice into samples for example and, well, just made magic. Suddenly I recognized myself in this music. Then everything went very easily.

Extremely hot!

Q: Did you learn songwriting by doing this work?

Neuwirth: I do not think so. But I found my place when it comes to making music. It seems to be to document everything that drips out of my brain and heart. These are not lines of text or melodies, but moments and my personal story. I am in a position to be able to make music that is a part of me, even though I am technically only partially involved in the direct creation process. I am a kind of catalyst.

Q: Would you call yourself a musician?

Neuwirth: No, I'm not a musician. I'm a singer, actor, director, fashion designer, hairstylist, make-up artist, tailor and, if you like, interpreter. My problem with music is that you can not see it. But I'm a visual guy. Everything that I can see, I can judge and manipulate according to my ideas and let something arise. But that's not possible with music. That's why I love to make videos, for example. I listen to a song and have a movie in my head. In my music videos, I am also the boss who keeps everything in view.

Q: Your appearance is often interpreted as politically motivated. For example, in the video for "See Me Now", you're dancing in a red-lit window, suggesting a connotation to the red-light milieu. Was it here a concern to show that personalities are also taking place in this industry?

Neuwirth: Thanks for that, I'll use that in the future (laughs). Actually, I just wanted to show what my world looks like. The video shows what I like and how I find myself sexy. That was basically the starting point. I love being the center of attention, I love to be viewed, and I love to be talked about. That was basically the idea. I love my body too, I think I look extremely hot and I want everyone to see that. (Laughs)

The stomach - all of a sudden

Q: Do you prefer standing on stage or in the studio?

Neuwirth: On stage! I hate to be in the studio. You are so close to your own mistakes. Of course, I pull myself together and always sing the take as if it were the last one I ever recorded. But I can not stand it if I can not do something. Then I could disassemble the studio! This is the hardest part of my job. But I do not leave that to the producer. It just seethes in me.

Q: Maybe you should try meditation.

Neuwirth: In many situations I feel very emotional, that also notices my environment, but I'm not so quick-tempered. I have already tried meditating and do this at irregular intervals. But that does not always work.

Q: Speaking of mistakes: In the run-up to "T.O.M", many media have talked about your fitness. How hard did you like the change in sports and nutrition?

Neuwirth: Not at all. I am very vain and have spent months at airports after the ESC, where you quickly eat a bite to get on the next plane. Suddenly, I discovered something on my stomach that I did not know. My stylist then recommended a coach. When we started to exercise, I became aware of what it means to control your body through this really narcissistic reason. I found it fascinating how much control you have in the end. For example, in the past, I could not independently clamp different muscle groups. That's not terribly important, but I love to dance, and being able to move so flexibly is a win. I also see that as an investment in my future. I hope that I maintain this will to keep fit. I wish to be fit even in old age.

[minifreddiemercury-blog]

Jealousy (Joe Mazzello x Reader)

You are working with the Bohemian Rhapsody cast, you are their assistant. Whatever they want, you do. You loved this job, not only because you have gotten to meet Roger and Brian themselves, but you also get to see someone else. Joe. You've always thought that Joe was the most sexist of them all. You thought he looked so good that you would tease him almost everyday. You'd wear shorts skirts, short see through dresses, thongs, and tight jeans. You did those things so he'd notice, but unfortunately it looks like he hasn't. You'd never get a reaction out of him.

The one thing you did know is that he seemed to get jelouse very easily. You've noticed it durring our breaks. Since you were dying to get a rise out of him, you started talking to Ben Hardy much more. Ben was very hot, but you really wanted Joe. Sure enough, after three weeks he noticed it. Everytime you'd talk to Ben you could see him glaring at you from afar. You loved it. After all that, it brings us here at this very moment.....talking to Ben.

Y/N's p.o.v

"I love that dress you're wearing" Ben looked me up and down.

"Thankyou. I love it...it's short isn't it" I rubbed my hand against my smooth leg.

"It is, but I love it" Ben smirked.

By this time, I knew Joe was watching us from afar....

"I'm glad" I leaned in for a hug.

While I hugged Ben, I looked Joe directly in the eyes. I could tell that he was pissed by the way he was gripping onto the empty water bottle he had. I could hear the sound of it crushing the harder he gripped it. It was so sexy to watch...

"I'm going to go and talk to Roger and Brian. Do you wanna tag along?" Ben asked.

"No, I'm okay. You go ahead. I'll be right here if you need me" I smiled.

"Oh...I know" Ben winked before making his way to Brian and Roger.

"Y/N..." I heard Joe's voice.

I loved it when he'd call my name. It drove me insane...

"Yes...Mr. Mazzello?" I made walked towards him, going slow just to tease him.

"Follow me. Now"

"Very bossy, I see" I followed behind him.

"Oh, you haven't seen anything yet"

"Oh, hey guys! Are you guys coming out to lunch with us? We're going to go out here in about 5 minutes" Rami stopped us.

"Su-" Joe cut me off.

"No, me and her need to talk. Don't wait up on us"

"Okay. See ya'll" He walked away.

We stopped at Joe's dressing room. As soon as he opened the door he pushed me in and locked it.

"I wanted to go. I'm hungry" I sighed.

"I'm hungry too....but not for food" Joe took off his jacket.

I couldn't see him that much. The only light we had was 4 lit candles. But I could still see all his stunning facial features he had.

"Sit" He demanded...

I sat down, crossing my legs....

"I bet you're hungry for something else too, aren't ya" Joe sat a few feet away from me in his chair.

"Depends. What are we talking about here?" I smirked, feeling myself get wet.

"I think we both know what I'm talking about. I believe you've been hungry for it since you met me. Isn't that right?" He got up.

He made his way behind the small couch I was sitting on. He moved my hair back, giving it a small pull. The way he pulled it almost made me moan. It felt so good....

"What makes you say that?" I asked.

I knew exactly what he was talking about...

"I think you know" He pulled the strap on my dress down.

"What if I don't" I looked turned back to look at him, licking my plump lips.

"Wearing your short skirts, tight jeans, short dresses, see through clothes with no bra or panties....and the worst of all...... wearing a sexy black thong"

Looks like I was wrong. He did notice it.

"I've known exactly what you've been doing. It has worked....it was almost torture. Do you know what you've been doing to me?" He stood in front of me, his crotch in my face.

"Enlighten me..." I looked up at him.

"What you've done to me is terrible. Making me go home everyday feeling so pissed, all because I couldn't have you to myself. Do you know what you would do to me when you'd talk to the other guys, or even look at them?"

I knew exactly what I did to him. I just wanted to hear every little detail....

"There were times when I just about raged at them. A fire building up inside me..." He clenched his fists.

"Every little move you made drove me absolutely wild, Y/N" He bent down, putting his index finger under my chin.

"Everyday that I couldn't bend you over and fuck you was terrible. I felt as if I was craving you. Dying to feel your body...dying to taste you" He started to kiss on my jawline, all the way down to the pulse area of my neck.

By now, I was dripping wet. I was so wet that my panties were soaked....

"Now tell me...after hearing all that I've said, can you tell me how hungry you are for me" He said agianst my neck, leaving small love marks.

"I was very hungry. I still am" I grabbed a handful of his auburn hair.

His hair was so nice and soft in between my fingers. I loved pulling it.

"Who said you can get all touchy" Joe hissed.

"That's what you want, isn't it?" I asked.

"Actually....we're going a little different" He got up, taking off his shirt.

"First we're going to start off with this..." He walked back over to me.

"What?"

"I want you to take off your dress" He stood there, his eyes dark and filled with lust.

I slid off my dress, taking off my heels...

"You look even better without that dress of yours. Fuck" He palmed himself through his jeans.

I loved watching him rub himself. It made me want to taste him even more....

"You like that, Mr. Mazzello?"

"My name is not 'Mr. Mazzello' in here. It's 'Sir'. If you say anything other than that, you will be punished. You will have three warnings" Joe sat down on the couch, signaling for me to come over to him.

"Sit on my knee"

I turned around, my backside facing him.

"No I want you to sit on my knee, but facing me" He slapped my ass.

"Shit" I moaned, sitting on his knee.

I looked him in his eyes, touching his chest toned chest.

"I want you to ride my knee, darling" He kissed my hand.

I was more than happy too. Anything he told me to do, I would do it. I craved him just as much as he craved me....

I started off slow, rocking my hips back and forth on his knee. It felt so very good, I could barley contain myself.

"Fuck" I moaned, touching my breasts.

"You're a dirty girl aren't you. You're my dirty girl" Joe unhooked my bra.

It fell to the floor, letting him have full access to my breasts. He took this opportunity to lick and suck on my hard nipples.

"Oh Joe" I moaned, rolling my eyes back in pleasure.

The way his toung moved felt so good. The way he bit my nipples made me feel a mixture of pain and pleasure. It was perfect.

"What's my name?" He stopped, looking up at me.

"Sir" I let out a breath, feeling nervous.

He was now some dominant towards me. I never would have expected him to be like this. Sorry dirty, so sexy.....it was definitely a sight to see.

"Good girl" He slapped my ass.

After a few moments of grinding on his knee, he couldn't take anymore...

"I want you to lay down and spread your legs" He let me off of his knee.

I did as I was told, feeling more and more nervous. He crawled on top of me, looking me in the eyes.

"You've been such a dirty girl. I would love to fuck you so hard right now..." He paused.

"But, I can't. I have to punish you for all the times you've tortured me first" He slowly took my panties off.

I wanted him so bad it was painful...

"The rules are that you can't touch me and you can't moan. If you do any of those things....you'll regret it" He rubbed my smooth thighs.

"Can you do that for me, Y/N?" He bit down on his bottom lip.

I nodded, knowing that I should do as I was told.

"You only get three warnings" He said before going down in between my legs.

Without saying a thing, he started licking at my wet folds. It felt so good. I didn't know how I was going to be able to contain myself. It was sure going to be a challenge.

"Mmm" I hummed in pleasure.

Since I knew I would get three warnings, I reached down and trailed my fingers down his toned back.

"Not so fast bsby" He said, pushing my arms over my head, holding them down.

He started swirling his tounge around my clit, making me close my legs in a bit. I had a very sensitive clit.

"Oh my" I whispered, trying my best not to moan.

He then started tounge fucking me. That almost made me cum. I didn't know if I could take it. While he continued to tounge fuck me, he moved his hands over to my breasts, giving them a hard squeeze. I adjusted my hips, feeling him try to lap up all of my juices.

"You taste so good. I could eat you out all day" He licked his lips, getting every last bit of me off of his lips.

"I want you..." I said.

"How bad do you want me? Tell me" He undid his jeans, palming himself.

"I want you more than anything. My wet pussy is aching for you" I smirked, moving my hips forward.

That was enough to make him drop his pants and underwear. I wanted this badly, he did as well....

"I want you to turn around and get on your knees with your ass towards me" He said, stroking his hard cock, dripping with cum.

I got in the doggy style position, shaking my ass to tease him.

"You want this cock inside your tight cunt?" I felt him rub his tip on my ass.

"Yes, sir. So badly" I reached my hand down to rub my clit.

"Good girl" He slapped my ass, lining himself up with my dripping pussy.

Without any prep, he thrusted himself deep inside me. The feeling of his thick and long cock inside me made me moan...

"You can not moan or cum until I say" He began to thrust himself inside me faster and deeper.

"Y-Yes sir" I answerd him, my eyes rolling back because of the amazing pleasure I was feeling.

"Your cunt is so wet and tight. You like the way I feel inside you?" He whispered in my ear, pulling my hair to make me arch my back.

"Yes" I said, trying my hardest not to moan.

"I want you to scream my name, showing everyone how good I fuck you. Letting Ben know I'm deep inside you" He dug into my back with his fingers.

"Now!" He slapped my ass harder than before, the sound still ringing in my ears.

"Joe!" I moaned.

After a few seconds of him pounding me, I felt that firmilliar feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was going to cum.

"Louder!" He gripped my hips, pulling me back towards him so he could fuck me harder.

He was fucking me so hard the couch and the table next to it, started shaking. All you could hear was the sound of our skin slapping together, and his grunts and groaning.

"Joe!" I screamed, feeling my walls tighten around him.

"Shit...I'm going to fuck a fucking baby into you" He moaned, pulling on my hair even tighter.

I knew that by now he was about to cum, and so was I....

"Cum for me baby!" He leaned up, grabbing my left breast with his soft large hand.

"Joe!" I moaned once again, cumming on his dick.

"Fuuucck!" He came inside me, pulling out when he was finished.

"Look at all that cum dripping out of your pussy" He said, getting a bit on his finger.

I got his hand, licking that finger that had mine and his cum on it. It tasted sweet and salty. It was perfect...

"Shit. That was the best sex I've had" Joe said, moving some of his hair out of his face.

"I agree. I'm so glad I teased you" I let out a breath, feeling exhausted.

"Me too.....but I need to ask you something" He looked over to me, making me stop what I was doing.

"What?"

"Will you be mine, and only mine?" He asked, putting his clothes back on.

"What do you mean? Like for sex?" I asked, getting my soaked panties back on.

"Okay, we'll I tried to say this in a smooth way but....will you be my sexy, gorgeous, hot, funny, and wonderful girlfriend?" He asked, putting his shirt back on.

I only stood there, not saying a word. I knew exactly what the answer was....I didn't even have to think about it.

"Yes" I put my dress on, walking over to him.

"Come here" He grabbed both sides of my face, giving me a large passionate kiss on the lips.

"I know we just had sex but...I love you" He whispered to me, wrapping his arms around me.

"It could just be the lust but, I love you too".....