#once. i dreamt that they messaged me. and i woke up so excited. so happy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

meltwonu · 4 years

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| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 | [CHAPTER 2]

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; cam show, masturbation, dirty talk, sir!kink, tiny jealous!seungcheol. Wow! Thank you all so much for your interest in Cherry Bomb and our very favorite simp! LMAO 😆 And thank you all for being so patient! I know one week drags on when ur waiting for content so thank you so so so so so much for your patience! 🥰🍒 also, some new characters in this, am sorry if ur not a fan but the rest of svt r also simps in this so we had to expand a bit 🤪 HAHAHA HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEUNGCHEOL!!!

chapters; 1 - 2 - ?

It’s 10:05AM when Seungcheol makes it to work, tossing his things in his employee locker before pocketing his phone and heading out to the floor for the day.

He’d gotten approximately 3 hours of sleep and the giddiness was still eating him up when he greets Jeongguk; the tall male that works at the concession stand at the roller rink.

“Hey Seungcheol-hyung! Whoa, you look like you didn’t get any sleep, what happened to you?” The two share a laugh; Seungcheol ruffling his own hair as he sighs. “I couldn’t sleep last night, I was just too… Uh, excited about w-work…” He stutters out, Jeongguk’s eyebrow raised almost immediately at the blatant lie.

“Hyung, we’ve been working here for months. No offense, but nobody gets excited about coming here. Yoongi-hyung is hiding in the restroom as we speak.” Jeongguk deadpans, eyes rolling as he passes Seungcheol a water bottle. “Did you get laid?”

Not really, but kinda? But no, Seungcheol thinks.

“Nah, I just, I got a new PC game and I stayed up all night playing. You know how it is!” Jeongguk nods in understanding.

Seungcheol checks his phone for the umpteenth time since he’d woken up and you still hadn’t texted him. Not that he entirely expected to be woken up to a text message from you, but he perhaps had dreamt of it; waking up and scrambling to find the device while he shook the sleep from his eyes.

Sighing, he pockets the device, swiping the water bottle off of the countertop before he shoots Jeongguk a fixed stare. “When does Namjoon-hyung get back from his vacation?” Namjoon was one of the managers who’d gone on an extended vacation recently which left Seungcheol picking up extra shifts.

On normal occasions, he would’ve politely declined but seeing as it meant extra cash, he practically begged to take them.

“Mmm, dunno. Maybe like a week?” Seungcheol mentally cheers; that meant one more week of extra pay even if he dragged his tired body home every night. He would finally be able to buy you that Sybian that he’d been saving up for. You never asked for one but Seungcheol liked to spoil you and quite frankly, he wanted to see you fall apart on it while you thought of him.

“Cool, well, I’ll be disinfecting the rollerskates. Tell Yoongi-hyung to come help me if he ever emerges from the restroom.”

“You got it, hyung!”

In the time between leaving Jeongguk at the concession stand and the fourth pair of skates he’s disinfected, a party of ten show up at the roller rink; loud and obnoxious as they set their things everywhere. He sighs, knowing exactly that he would be the one to clean up the mess afterwards.

Seungcheol watches the gaggle of teens fumble all over the rink, a sigh on his lips as he sanitizes another pair of skates. He contemplated every single day if it was worth working at the old and usually empty rollerskating rink, but he had to admit, it paid obscenely well. Nobody wanted to work there so his boss basically paid him double his old wage; silent screams running through his head as soon as he realized that meant he can afford to spoil you with more gifts. That had been hard when he was working at the diner down the street.

“Hey ‘Cheol, some kid broke the wheels off of his rental skates. D’you think you can go handle it?” Yoongi drawls, eyes glued to his phone as he waits for Seungcheol’s reply.

Goddamnit.

“Sure, let me just finish cleaning these.”

Yoongi nods, walking off. Seungcheol sets the old pair of skates down, dusting off his work pants as he stands up. He feels his phone vibrate in the pocket, fishing it out to check what it is.

[cherry_clouds has gone live!]

His vision goes red; pupils shaking when he sees it. You never went live this early in the day. He can feel his throat going dry, panicked screaming in his head when he realizes his break isn’t for another hour and a half and your shows usually lasted at least 45 minutes on a short day. But Seungcheol can’t miss this; not after the two of you had spoken last night.

Seungcheol’s teeth clench as he glances around the loud room, seeing his co-workers on the floor. He just needed to catch your show for at least 15 minutes and he swore he’d be fine.

“Fuck them kids.” He mutters under his breath, beelining for the employee restroom.

Seungcheol says a thankful prayer, locking the door behind him as he sits on the countertop. Just a few minutes; 20 tops. He lowers the volume so nobody can hear your voice except for him.

tangerine_kwan: whoa, a morning show?

alphagyu97: for once, i’m glad i wake up early

xcaliburDK: honestly, same

You giggle on screen, wiping the sleepiness from your eyes as you stretch out on your bedsheets. Seungcheol smiles appreciatively; you’d slept in the cute sheer lavender babydoll he’d sent you when you first hit 5k subs. “I know… it’s really rare, huh? I woke up and I felt so needy… I was so wet when I woke up…” He watches with bated breath as you tease yourself, running your hands from your torso down between your legs.

artist8hao: oh? what’s on your mind, doll?

universe_WZ: what did i miss

“I was just thinkin’, y’know? I couldn’t sleep last night after I finished all the important stuff I had to do~ ‘n you didn’t miss anything yet~” You tease, fingertips pressing into your soaking panties as you moan.

dom.cheol: i couldn’t sleep either… too busy thinkin’ about you ;)

Seungcheol feels the adrenaline pulsing through his veins, checking how much time has passed since he holed up in the restroom.

dom.cheol has donated $50

therealchan99 has donated $25

therealchan99: all the insomniacs are probably cryin rn

sleepy_wonu: speak for yourself, i’m deadass in the middle of my forensics lab with headphones on and the screen dimmed to hell

“Oho~ Is our sleepy_wonu trying to be a forensics scientist?” You giggle, biting your lip cutely as you stare into the camera lens.

sleepy_wonu: ya, maybe i can buy you gifts if i ever start getting paid big bucks

Seungcheol’s eyes narrow at the comments, jealousy bubbling up at one of your other regulars. He typically tried to keep his jealousy in check, knowing that just because he showered you with gifts didn’t mean the two of you were exclusive or that you owed him anything. And he especially knew you always liked to engage with your viewers and ask them about themselves.

“Hmm~ Our dom.cheol seems quiet this morning~ Everything okay, sir?” Seungcheol feels the arousal pouring over his body and he tries to will it away; after all, he still needed to get back to work once you were done.

dom.cheol: everything’s ok, sweetheart. you’re very cute in the morning

Your eyes pierce the camera and Seungcheol can momentarily feel his breath stop; fingertips clutching his phone for dear life.

“Mmm, I went to sleep last night dreamin’ of nice and strong hands pinning me down to my bed ‘n fuckin me into the sheets…” You pause, slipping the sheer babydoll over your head which left you only in your lace panties. “And there was a really really really dominating voice making me cum and tellin’ me to take all of his cock and oh~ god, it’s like I could feel it!” You finish, slipping your soaking panties off before you spread your legs wide for the camera.

You don’t waste any time, plunging two fingers deep into your pussy as you keen, toes curling against the sheets as you start fucking yourself.

“Ngh, fu--fuck, ‘n they made me cum over and, hah, o-over, fucking my pussy ‘n my ass… ‘n then cumming down my throat… Mmh and I still wanted more even when they filled me up with so much cum~”

Seungcheol’s throat is drier than a desert, almost dropping his phone as he listens to you. There was absolutely no way you weren’t talking about him.

tangerine_kwan: holy shit

dom.cheol: what else, baby

You curl your fingers, barely able to touch your g-spot and it makes you wonder for a second how well Seungcheol could finger you and how much of his cock you could take.

“A-ah, and--mmh, and I--I kept begging ‘Sir, p-please fuck me more!’ ‘n I felt so f-full… God, it felt so real~ I really needed to cum when I woke up so I turned on my cam~” You whine, thumb pressing down onto your clit. You hated to admit it but thinking of Seungcheol’s deep voice and obscenely handsome good looks was enough to make you cum once more before you even went to sleep and now even your subconscious seemed to crave the devilishly handsome male.

alphagyu97 has donated $75

dom.cheol has donated $250

artist8hao: those cute ‘lil fingers enough to satisfy your greedy pussy?

Mewling, you start rubbing circles on your clit, chasing the quickly growing urge to cum. The sound of donations flood your ears but all you can think of is Seungcheol’s deep voice groaning and growling into your ear. “No~ I want m-more but… but I came so much last night too! Maybe I am a ‘lil greedy, huh?” You tease, adding a third finger as you moan loudly. The stretch felt good; head imagining Seungcheol’s fingers as you fuck yourself faster.

dom.cheol: why don’t you cum? I can see you want to, sweetheart.

“Mmm, is it okay, sir? Can I cum already?” You ask shyly, batting your eyelashes at the camera as Seungcheol grits his teeth, cock throbbing in his work pants. He would definitely need to take care of this before he stepped back out onto the floor.

dom.cheol: cum, babygirl, you deserve it.

Your eyes snap shut right after you read Seungcheol’s comment, biting your lip as you race to your orgasm. The sound of your fingers fucking into your wet pussy and your moans are all Seungcheol can hear, pupils blown wide knowing you just came thinking about him, probably. Or so he hoped, at least.

You can feel your legs shaking, threatening to snap shut as your orgasm crests; the sound of rapid fire donations battering your ears as you cum hard on your own fingers. Choked sobs and cries are all you can muster, shapes dancing behind your eyelids the entire time the pleasure washes over you.

xcaliburDK: well goddamn, good morning to me

sleepy_wonu: fuck

universe_WZ: i… speechless

Seungcheol smiles smugly to himself, mentally patting himself on the back.

“Mm… ‘m so tired…” You murmur, slipping your wet fingers from inside your pussy as you moan at the emptiness. Seungcheol watches as you lick your fingers, cleaning them off before you lay on your side facing the camera.

universe_WZ: i think u deserve a nap

alphagyu97: yea, cuz holy shit fuck that was hot

therealchan99: god i love it when u dirty talk

j__min has donated $400

j__min: me too, dollface ;)

Confusion crosses Seungcheol’s face at the newcomer, blood draining from his body at how much they seemed to donate on the first go.

“Huh? Oh! Do we have a new regular?” You inquire, sleepiness lacing your voice. A nap was definitely needed after the last 24 hours of your life.

j__min: ur quite cute, might need to keep my eye on u princess ;)

dom.cheol has donated $450

That’ll show them, Seungcheol thinks. He didn’t often think of himself as competitive either, but goddamn, would he go the extra mile for you.

You giggle tiredly on camera and he can see the sleepiness in your eyes, watching with fondness as you answer a few more comments, yawning cutely as you stretch out on the bedsheets again. He mentally thanks you for not giving the newcomer any extra attention.

dom.cheol: take a nap, sweetheart.

Nodding, you yawn once more. “Okay, everyone~ I think I’m gonna take that nap you all seem to want me to take, hehe~ ‘n then I’ll probably wake up and get some food delivered ‘cause I’m still really tired after last night… But I just can’t help it, y’know? Sometimes I just wanna be fucked nice ‘n hard by a real cock~” Winking, you say your goodbyes, thanking them for their donations and support; blowing the camera a kiss before you end the stream.

Seungcheol lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, body slumping atop the counter. He had loads of questions now that you were off air. Firstly, were you thinking about him? Secondly, who the fuck was j__min?

Shaking the thoughts from his head, he checks the clock. 45 minutes. He groans. At least nobody had come looking for him.

Seungcheol places his phone down onto the counter, biting his lip and palming himself over his work pants before he thinks, screw it.

A satisfied groan spills from his lips as soon as he wraps a hand around his throbbing cock, not wasting another second before he starts a quick pace. He imagines your tight pussy and your face contorting in pleasure as he fucks you into your own bedsheets, thrusting up into his clenched fist as the images linger in his mind. Licking his lips, he thinks about your sweet moans as you beg him for more, stray tears slipping down your cheeks when you call him ‘sir’ through choked sobs.

And it doesn’t take long before Seungcheol is cumming, teeth biting into his bottom lip to keep his noises in as the euphoria washes over him.

He sighs, sated, as he slows down his strokes, thankful he didn’t get any cum on his work pants.

Seungcheol gives himself a second to catch his breath, shuffling off of the countertop to get cleaned up before he steps back out. He grimaces when he meets his own eyes in the dingy mirror; he’d just gotten off at work while you did an extremely rare morning show. Granted, it wasn’t the lowest he’d ever felt but definitely was a contender.

Shaking his head, he steps back out, the outdated pop music hitting his ears as soon as the roller rink comes back into view.

The gaggle of teens are still on the floor, Jeongguk looks unbothered and Yoongi sits by the skate rental booth; not a single one of them even noticing he was missing for the approximate hour he was in the restroom.

He really loved his job.

That night, Seungcheol trudges home more tired than he usually is.

You still hadn’t texted him, which was fine. But he had checked his phone every second he had free, zoning out when he saw no new notifications.

Seungcheol toes his shoes off once he crosses the threshold of his studio apartment, making his way to the sofa before he flops down onto it. He scrolls through a few apps, mindlessly reading a few things before his stomach growls.

“Guess I should eat…” He mumbles to himself, placing his phone onto his chest before he closes his eyes for a second. Sighing, he relaxes, almost falling asleep. It was generally really loud at work with the people and the music always blaring, so he liked to bask in the quietness whenever he had the chance to.

This time, however, the peace and quiet doesn’t last long when his phone vibrates on his chest, alerting him of a text message. He grabs his phone at lightning speed, eyes wide when he sees a text message from an unknown number. Quickly opening the notification, his pupils shake as he recognizes your typing style almost immediately.

Unknown Number: Cheollie~ ><;; ‘m sorry I didn’t text sooner… i was kinda shy… and i slept so much too hehe~ oops~ i hope i’m not bothering you? i didn’t know when it was a good time…

Seungcheol shakes his head at his phone, sitting up as the excitement blooms within him again. He take a moment to figure out the best response, typing and erasing the same sentence three times before he sends it.

‘Not at all, sweetheart. ;) How was your nap?’

#seungcheol smut #svt smut #seventeen smut #scoups smut #seungcheol scenarios #seungcheol imagines #scoups imagines #scoups scenarios #svt imagines #svt scenarios #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #scoups #seungcheol #cherrybomb!cheol

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generallybarzy · 4 years

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smile like sunshine vi

Thursday: ~ 9.2k words

previous chapters: i // ii // iii // iv // v

an: writing this was tough on me. I’ve obviously been through a lot of ups and downs while trying to write this, considering it took like 4 months to finish. Continuously losing inspiration and motivation and hitting writer’s block too many times was tough. The chapters keep getting longer and I feel like there are less and less notes everytime. It hurts to see my favorite fic do so poorly, so I've been hesitating to post this. But it’s finally here, and there are only 2 chapters left. Now, let’s see how few notes this gets. Thank you to my beautiful amazing editor/bestie @folkloreflyers I couldn't have done this without you bb 🥰💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

tagging some beautiful people: @sunflowertimothee @deleausvp @dunnwithlyfe @smit41 @softboybarzal @fallinallincurls @matbaerzal @brokeninsidebutnobodyknows @hockeyhughes11 @folkloreflyers @nazdaddy @shawnsreputation

summary: after everything that happened last night, Mat and Y/N realize they probably need some time apart to regroup with their thoughts and emotions and prevent themselves from pushing the boundaries of their friendship so far that they’d never return to normal. It’s 2019, eleven years after you first befriended him, and things are definitely different this time around...

If there was ever a time when you wanted to slip away into the memory of what you once had with Mathew: an amazing friendship, not overshadowed or blurred by stupid hormones and growing feelings, it was now.

It was almost tragic to think about how you’d lost all that time and could never go back to the days when you were completely carefree and nothing could bring you down. Those hot, summer days with Mat when watermelon juice and sticky, sugary ice pops dripped down your hands, and your faces were burnt in the sun were long gone. You’d never be like that again. No matter how often you dreamt of it, thought of it, and buried yourself in memories of that summer to block out the worries of adult life, you couldn’t get it back.

The sun was going down on your second to last night at the beach, as you sat by Mat in the sand, giggling as the water lapped at your toes and digging up handfuls of the tiny coquina clams burrowing in the sand- not that you knew what they were called, but did it matter? Your parents sat further back onshore, talking around a fire and watching the younger children, and you and Mat, like always, were left to entertain yourselves. But you wouldn’t have it any other way. No, you loved spending time with him.

You didn’t realize that your time with Mat was coming to an end. You weren’t sure what day of the week it was, where you were, or when you were leaving, but that didn’t matter. Not then.

“Are you having fun with Mat?” Your mom had asked you earlier in the day.

“Yeah, he’s my best friend!”

“Well,” Your mom laughed. “Why don’t you go have some more fun with him. Cherish your time, we won't be here forever.”

You didn't quite understand the weight of her words, but cherish him, you did. The two of you were attached at the hip, to both your parent's amusement, and after only a week of friendship now, your parents could hardly separate you two.

“Ugh, younger siblings are so annoying." You groaned in agreement to Mat's statement and fell back in the sand when you looked back and saw your baby siblings sucking up all your parents’ attention.

"Yeah, 'cause they're smaller and cuter than us."

"No, that's not true!” Mat shook his head, dark hair flopping around in the breeze, hazel eyes wide. “You're still pretty cute."

"Ewwww, Mat!"

"So am I, my nonna told me!" You laughed at him. Only a week into knowing each other and he could already make you laugh better than any of your friends at school. "So that's not it."

"Well, they always have all the attention. I'm so bored and lonely sometimes."

"Nuh-uh, you have me. I'm always here to hang out!" He wrapped his arms around your shoulders, his small, sand-covered arms, and neither of you noticed both of your parents watching from the campfire. As wise as they were, they knew that if you had been a few years older, this would’ve been too much for them to handle. And little did you and Mat know, at only ten and eleven years old, but you were about to be separated for eleven years.

“Friends forever?”

“Forever! I’ll always be here!”

“Promise?” You stuck out your pinky, and Mat linked it happily with his own, smiling that gleaming smile.

“Promise.”

You had fucked up something amazing.

You woke up early with a pounding headache right as the sun began to beam in through your window, hitting your face in the worst possible way. You’d never so hated the sound of the ocean, but right now, it was just… too much. Too loud. For the first time since you had arrived at the beach, you didn’t wake up smiling and excited to be here, but instead dizzy and confused, questioning what had happened last night, and filled with dread at the thought of having to face the day. And, when you realized what you’d done in your drunken stupor, regret immediately began gnawing away at your mind.

You had fucked up bad.

You buried your face under your pillows to try and drown out the pounding noises in your ears as the image of yourself flooded to your brain, absolutely wasted and stumbling, pushing your body into his, pushing your mouth onto Mat’s and kissing him. It was drunken, messy, and definitely not the way you'd imagined many, many times, your first kiss with him to be. It wasn't magical and beautiful and gentle and sweet, but drunk and sloppy and one-sided. Unreciprocated. You couldn't stop thinking about his reaction. He hadn’t kissed you back, his hands didn’t cup your face gently and pull you flush against his warm body the way you imagined, but instead pushed you away and held you between his arms and looked at you. He hadn’t even smiled or laughed and brushed it off afterward. He must have been disgusted with your actions, he must have wanted to yell at you, ask “What are you doing?” but understood that you were drunk and settled for pushing you away. He'd confront you today, tell you that he couldn't look at you the same way after what happened, tell you that he no longer wanted to be friends. That when you’d get back to New York, you would never speak to each other again.

Fuck.

“(YN)!” The pounding on your door made you cringe and groan. Well, it might not have been pounding, but it certainly sounded like it, as your head throbbed in agitation. “Wake up honey!”

You groaned and rolled over in bed.

She cracked the door open as quietly as possible, showing a little bit of sympathy, which you were thankful for. “Hungover?” Your groan was enough of a response for her. “You’re not gonna get better lying in here, come out.” When you still didn’t answer, she continued. “I’ll be louder next time I have to come in to get you.” And then she left you to drag yourself out of your lethargic state.

Well, fuck, you thought as you cast a glance out the window where the sun was rising over the ocean, might as well get up and face the day, no point in hiding. You needed to get some fresh air, maybe some alone time on the beach before Mat gets up. You needed to talk to someone about what happened, you couldn’t keep this to yourself, but who would you tell? Not your mom, no one in your family actually. Sure, you were close, but you weren’t gonna tell them about your drunken mistake- how you kissed your best friend. Best friend. Your best friend- all the way back in New York City, who always helped get you out there, was the reason you ever reconnected with Mat in the first place, and would definitely be your maid of honor in the future- would definitely want to know about your kiss with Mat Barzal.

“Amy…”

You reached over to the bedside table for your phone and the first thing you noticed, after pressing the power button, was an unread text from none other than Mat Barzal, sent at 1:38 am, probably when you got home last night:

Maty: Hope you don’t feel too bad when you wake up.

It was strange, it was unlike him to leave such a message. Yeah, he always checked in and texted you saying he hopes you’re feeling good, but there was no “sleep tight” or anything funny or cute and not even a smiley emoji like usual. Well, in his defense, you had just kissed him. Of course, he’d feel weird around you.

You sent a quick text to Amy, who you hadn’t spoken to since the beginning of the trip now, and who must have been dying to know anything that happened between you and Mat. She would probably be happy you kissed him, bless her heart, she was in love with your friendship with Mat and the story of how you came to meet, but you needed someone to listen seriously to your problem and help you.

It’d be at least another hour until Mat gets up, you guessed, so, with much hesitation, you dragged yourself out of bed and to the bathroom where you steadied yourself on the sink as your head spun, washed your face, and caught a glance of yourself in the mirror, running a hand through your hair to smooth it down before opening your door to face the day.

The first thing you noticed, even in your state, was the smell of coffee and breakfast from the kitchen. Usually, you loved that scent, but today it made you want to puke, and as you sat down at the island in the kitchen, you dropped your head into your arms and groaned.

“Rough night?”

“Pretty bad.”

The sound of a water bottle being set down in front of you was much louder than it should’ve been. “Drink, it’ll make you feel better.” You took a sip of water and laid down on your arms again, going back to suffering in silence and wracking your head over trying to figure out any possible way out of this sticky situation. “What else is wrong?” You looked up to where your mom was making knowing eyes in your direction. You were close to your mom, sure, you thought you had a pretty good relationship with her, but you were positive you didn’t want to tell her what you had done last night. At least, not now. You knew the news would eventually get to your dad, and you couldn’t imagine what would happen if he found out.

Hopefully staying pretty ambiguous would save you. “I think Mat’s mad at me.”

“I doubt it. The boy adores you.” You wanted to tell her no, that’s gross, you’re only friends, but something made you stop. Mat did adore you. He was always there for you, he was the greatest friend ever, and how do you repay him? By kissing him and screwing up both of your feelings? “What makes you think he’s mad?”

“I think I did something stupid last night. Said something dumb when I was drunk. And he sent me a text before bed last night that didn't sound like how he usually does.”

“Well, you won’t know until you talk to him. It won’t be any good to ignore him for the rest of the trip” Fuck, why did her advice have to be good words of wisdom?

A door rattled open from down the hall and there was Mat, rubbing his face, his hair falling into his eyes, as he crossed the hallway into the bathroom. He cast a glance to the kitchen, locking eyes with you for half a second before he was gone.

You knew he’d be getting up now, so, grabbing your water bottle and phone, you made your way to the back door to avoid any alone time with him. “I’m gonna get some fresh air.” And you headed out the back door and down onto the beach.

Amy had texted you back by now, telling you to call her right away, and you took the moment to reflect, walking down to the water’s edge and just looking out. The early morning heat was cooling down, the sun had barely risen and already dark clouds were rolling in from the horizon, the rain was coming, maybe even a storm in the next hour or so. Sure, you may have made your friendship awkward, but for now, you’re still friends. At least until he comes out to confront you. So until then, you were gonna be proud. You had kissed him. His lips were just as soft and nice as you expected them to be, and his face pressed against yours was something you could get used to. Unfortunately, that scenario was unlikely.

Your heart raced when you started connecting the video call, and you couldn’t help a smile from spreading over your face for the first time all morning. Yesterday, besides the mistake you’d made, was easily one of the best days of your life. Mat took you out to the pier because he remembered you loved it when you were younger, he remembered he promised to teach you to skate, he even remembered your favorite ice cream flavor. And, despite how much you regretted kissing him, you had kissed him. You had kissed Mat. God, Amy is gonna be fucking ecstatic for you.

“Haven’t heard from you in a while.”

“Ames, I’m sorry for not calling sooner-”

“Are you kidding?” She laughed, always a welcome sound, and you knew she wasn’t upset. “You’re on vacation with Mat fucking Barzal. But now that I have you for a few minutes, girl, spill. All. The. Details. Now.”

“Yeah,” You laughed at her words. All the details? “He took me out to the pier yesterday for my birthday. We roller-skated together and held hands.”

“Oh my god, seriously? That’s so fucking cute!” You winced at the way she shrieked in joy for you, your head still pounding as you tried to overcome the hangover. Amy immediately noticed your change and lowered her voice. “Girl, are you hungover?”

“You tell me. I’m twenty-one now, aren’t I?” Before she could start talking again, you continued, figuring it would be easier to just get all your words out there and over with. Rip off the bandaid. “Actually, I did something really bad last night. When I was drunk.”

“Oh shit. Spill!”

“I…” You couldn’t help the small smile on your face. As much as you hated the realistic part of this, you were still overjoyed it had happened. You shook your head and pushed on. “I kissed Mat.”

It was almost comical how your friend’s jaw dropped and her eyes widened. It almost made you laugh, it had a little smile pulling at your face. Holy shit, it was still sinking in that you’d kissed Mat. “Oh… my god. You kissed Mat. You kissed Mat Barzal. How was it?”

“Well, messy. I was drunk, he didn’t kiss back at all. But focus on the realistic part, Ames. I made it awkward.”

“Oooh…”

“How are we gonna be friends after this? He’s gonna hate me, he’s gonna wanna leave, he’s never gonna want to talk to me again. He must think I’m so dumb-”

“Babe, listen, he doesn’t think any of that. He’s head over heels for you. If not in love, then in platonic love at least.”

“Now you’re sounding like my mom.”

“I hate to say it, but I actually agree with her then.” You sighed. As much as you wanted to listen to them, maybe the realistic side of your brain was just too powerful. “Mat has done stupid things around you when he was drunk. Remember the karaoke night? He was so fucking embarrassed in the morning.”

“Yeah, but he never kissed me.” He never kissed you, not once. Not even when you desperately wanted him to, when he was drunk or Christmas Eve, or New Years’, or his birthday, not even when you practically created chances to get close to him, not even when you kissed him. No matter how much you wanted it, life isn’t a love song. “Look, things don’t just work out like in romance novels. Some things don’t get to last beyond one summer. Sometimes this shit just doesn’t happen. Sometimes it’s just a feeling.”

“It’s only a feeling ‘til you make it more.”

“Shut uuuup. He hasn’t spoken to me since then. He’s obviously upset.”

“Have you tried to talk with him?”

“I mean…”

“So you haven’t. C’mon, you gotta at least ask him about it.”

“Okay, but if I ask him how he feels he might say he doesn’t want to be friends. If I avoid him completely, he can’t break off the friendship, right?” Before she could respond, you rambled on, maybe to her, maybe just to yourself. Sometimes it’s good to just talk yourself out of something. “We’ve become such good friends in the last year and I really don’t want to lose him because of something stupid that I did while drunk. I feel like I messed everything up.”

“Babe, babe. You didn’t mess anything up.” Ames smiled at you over the phone as thunder rumbled in the distance. “This isn’t gonna drive him away, okay? He’s in too deep already. Trust me.”

“Alright, we’ll see.”

And you would see. But now, you had to go to the porch, already feeling raindrops drip from the looming clouds above. The storm was rolling in. And it was coming fast.

------------

Even before Mat’s eyes opened that morning, his mind was racing.

He rolled onto his side in bed, eyeing the pillow he had been hugging against him all night. It was as if he was a child who needed a teddy bear to fall asleep, and he hated how vulnerable you made him feel. But rather, you were his teddy bear and after that night in the motel, he couldn’t sleep without some sort of faux version of you that would never compare. Not to your warmth, your softness, your heartbeat against his chest, the soft sighs of breath against his neck. You had messed him up bad. You had kissed him, and it’s unnecessary to think it needs explaining why he was so confused. “I had a dream about you last night. We were really goin’ at it. You were really good, like, really good.” What had you meant by it? Was it just a dumb mistake? Or is what they say true: “Drunk words are sober thoughts”? The moment your lips touched his last night, he was flooded with serotonin. It was… well, maybe not perfect, but more than he could ever hope for. More than he thought he would ever get.

He wanted it so bad, he wanted it for months now, but he wanted it sober. He wanted you to know what you were doing. He wanted you to mean it. He didn’t want it like last night.

He pushed himself up, hearing the muffled conversation from the kitchen. He knew it was you and your mom, and, though he couldn’t hear any clear words, he couldn’t help but realize that the conversation had to be about him, and for a moment he was strangely self-conscious. It was an unfamiliar feeling for him, but he was embarrassed, even ashamed he had let anything happen last night.

He shouldn’t have let you get so drunk.

The moment he opened the door and stepped into the hallway, the conversation came to an abrupt stop. He glanced up into the kitchen, where he immediately caught your gaze, noting how much of a wreck you were this morning. He couldn’t help the way he rushed into the bathroom before you could say anything.

He heard you say something about “fresh air” and then the back door opened and closed, he finished up his morning routine and rushed back into his room. He’d barely even sat back down in bed when there was a pounding on his bedroom door that was a lot less than friendly.

“Mathew!”

Your dad was gonna fucking kill him.

It was safe to say he’d never been more afraid as he jumped to his feet and stepped over to the door, debating on pulling out his phone to send a final “Goodbye, I love you” texts to you, his friends, and family. But there didn’t seem to be any time for that, as the pounding on his door increased. Sucking up a deep breath, he opened it and was greeted by the face of your father with crossed arms and a scowl. He could only choke out a terrified “Yes, sir?”, sounding like a pathetic teen boy caught in a girl’s room.

“(Y/N)”s upset.”

"I-"

"I don't know why that is, but something tells me you have something to do with it." Mat went silent, trying to figure out what he could say. You were upset? Were you upset with yourself, or with him? He had stopped your kiss, brought you home, got you water, and tucked you into your bed, what had he done wrong? “She thinks you’re angry at her.”

“Why would I be-?”

“Mathew.” The boy closed his mouth when your father put a hand on his shoulder, pushing him over towards the bed. “Sit.” Mat nodded quickly and sat on the edge of the bed, flattening his hands on his thighs awkwardly and waiting for the lecture to start. “Listen, I don’t know what’s happening between the two of you, but I can see how much you mean to her. I know I shouldn’t be too hard on you, but I just need to make sure you’re going to treat her right.” Mat couldn’t help the smile that lit up his face momentarily. He was in the middle of opening his mouth to say thank you when your father rambled on, eyes narrowed, examining the boy in front of him. “(Y/N) has been hurt a lot in the past, and I’ve tried to help. It’s not my place to mess with her love life anymore. She’s not a baby. But the least I can do is make this right. I still remember what you said on our first day here. You like my daughter?”

He nodded enthusiastically. “I really do. A lot.”

“Good. So then you didn’t mean to hurt her?”

Mat’s head shook frantically, wracking his brain for what he might’ve done. “Absolutely not. I don’t know why she is, I don’t think I did anything wrong.”

“I’ve seen her hurt so many times, and I’m gonna trust that you’ll treat her right. Now, I don’t know what happened between the two of you, and I’m not going to ask. That’s between you two. But she thinks you’re angry, you’re obviously not, and you need to fix it.”

“I know, I promise I will. I’ll make her so happy, I swear to God, I promise you.”

The older man continued to look at his daughter’s friend for a few long, tense seconds, but Mat’s eyes gave everything away with no hesitation. His feelings were genuine, he truly, truly cared. He wasn’t lying. Slowly, he nodded, and Mat’s face lifted in a cautious smile. Was this… approval? Was this your father’s blessing? Your father slapped his hand on Mat’s back. “There’s something else I want to show you. C’mon, Mat.”

-----------

You sat alone on the porch with your little pile of shells, watching the rain pour down beyond the porch, watching the waves continue through the storm, always pushing and pulling despite the circumstances. And as you threaded shell after shell onto your little braided bracelet, you couldn’t help but let your mind wander.

It was the summer of 2015, you were sitting on the passenger side of his dad’s car, the wind in your hair and OMI's 'Cheerleader' playing on the radio. You had just turned 17 and were trying to live your best life on the coast with your new friends, forgetting about any of your responsibilities and just chilling for this trip. You might have been getting involved in the wrong crowd, but you couldn’t care less. You had your friends, you had your newfound teenage freedom, and, most importantly, you had him.

When you first met him, at the beginning of the summer, he was new to your group of friends. But he immediately seemed to take a liking to you.

“You’re different.” He would whisper in your ear as you sat around the campfire with your friends before breaking away from the group to go make out by the cliffs. “There’s just something about you.” He would say as his hands glided over your swimsuit under the water, hidden from your other friends eyes. He knew just the right words to say to have you sinking into him, giving in, And you were stupid to follow him.

In the back of your head, this party was a stupid idea, but it was summer, you were young, he was hot, you had to live your life. What was the worst that could happen?

Kyle was behind the wheel of his dad’s car- maybe he had taken it without his permission, maybe not, who knows?- his beachy blonde waves blowing in the breeze and his blue eyes sparkling behind dark sunglasses. His hand was on your thigh, he was always touching you in some way, but what you didn’t know was that you weren’t his only girl for the summer. He wasn’t trying to hide it, all the signs were there, but you were too carefree to notice.

The car came to a stop and you both jumped out, locking arms around each other before running over to the steamy, crowded party atmosphere.

Really, what was the worst that could happen?

You were sitting there lamenting over your past, nursing a cup of coffee and staring out into the thunder and rain, fidgeting with the object closed in your fist when the door opened down the porch. And when you looked up, of course, you were met by the man himself, wearing a lightweight gray hoodie, the hood pulled up over his dark waves of hair. “Hey Y/N.”

“Mat.”

There was a moment of silence, perhaps for your damaged friendship or perhaps for the growing feelings that neither of you believed were reciprocated, as you both stayed in place, not knowing what to do or say to the right things to make it better. You let the silence, the tension settle uncomfortably between the two of you as the rain pounded as heavily as your hearts. Mat stayed in place where he was standing at the doorway, not wanting to come any closer. Whether it was because he was upset and grossed out or something else, you couldn’t tell, but you needed the silence to end. “Mat, I’m so sorry about last night. I didn’t mean- I was just, I was drunk and I couldn’t think straight-”

“Hey, hey. No big deal.”

“No, it was so uncalled for, I-”

“Hey, (Y/N), I’ve had people kiss me while drunk before.” He gave you a reassuring smile, but something was missing. Something genuine. That sparkle was missing from his eye and the sunshine was missing from his smile.. Something had definitely changed. Something definitely wouldn’t go back to normal. “Seriously. It’s nothing.” He swore. Cross his heart. Something was definitely wrong, but you weren’t going to bring it up. If he was alright with moving past this, so were you. “You don’t have to feel bad at all.”

“Promise?”

“Promise. Friends?” He stuck out his pinky for you.

You smiled at the gesture that threw you back to your childhood and accepted it happily, despite the twinge of guilt and fear in your chest. “Yeah, friends.”

“Good. I’m glad.” Mat smiled, taking a seat next to you, pretending everything was normal. “I like being friends with you.” He was shouting at himself in his head, this is so fake, so forced. But he would rather force the comfort than not have you in his life at all. And then the silence was back.

The silence was painful, filled with unspoken words- words you could never say aloud- and both of you knew. You weren’t sure if the rain was picking up or it had just become so overwhelming between the two of you that you were hyper fixating on the patter patter patter of raindrops against the porch roof. Friends. Friends. If this is what it's like to be Mat's friend, you could only wonder what it would be like to have him as your own, to be his, to hug him and kiss him and protect him and have him do the same to you.

“I, uhhh.” You glanced over to see Mat’s eyes already dead set on you, and you wondered if he had been staring the whole time. You were almost shy as you opened your fist to him. “I finished it.”

“Woah.”

"Yeah, you like it?"

“I love it.” Mat took the bracelet with delicate fingers, as if afraid he was going to break it, and slid it onto his wrist gently. A perfect fit. "It's amazing. You're really talented. Seriously. " His eyes were unbelievably soft as he gazed at the pretty shells you had worked so hard to braid together for him. All for him, from you. “I’ll never take it off.”

"Oh, never?"

"I'm dead serious."

Your heart throbbed in your chest. The idea of him wearing this bracelet you had worked so hard on, even when plagued by the thought that maybe he wouldn't want to be friends at all anymore, just had you so overwhelmed. The idea of him wearing something you made for him, something so personal, as if it was there to constantly remind him of this summer, of you. Like it was a cute inside joke no one else would ever understand, made your heart ache. It was as if you were claiming him, as if he was claiming you as one of his best friends, one of the few people that got a glimpse into his private life. You were special.

“I’m serious.” He repeated. “Honest. I love it.”

“Thank you, Mat.”

His arm fell heavily but gently across your shoulders as he tucked you closer into his body, and something about the weight of it against you was comforting, a reminder that he was still there no matter what and he would always be there no matter what. Mat was resilient, and no matter how much you wanted to push him away, he was here. He was your friend. Forever, and through anything.

"Hey," Mat broke the silence. "I have something for you, too."

"Yeah?"

"Consider it a late birthday gift."

"Mat, you've already gotten me so much-"

"Ah, ah. Your dad actually found these. I'm just presenting them." Before you had a chance to ask or even wonder what it could be, Mat was pulling some flimsy rectangles from his hoodie pocket.

"Are these...?"

"From that summer." Mat finished with a smile, letting you take them from his hands.

"No way."

There in your hands were photographs your parents took of you and Mat, ten and eleven years old. The two of you were standing close, Mat’s arm around your shoulders and squeezing you into his hug, both of your faces lit up with wide smiles. You were so close that summer and you weren’t sure how your parents dealt with the two of you. That picture captured a moment of childish joy and innocence- grinning brightly in mid laughter as you built your final sandcastle of the summer together. LIttle did you know, back then, but the next morning, you’d be leaving, leaving your summer-long friendship behind.

“Look at us.” Mat’s voice was tender, gentle as he leaned in closer and you fingered through the pictures. “I can’t believe we were so small.”

“I can’t believe you still smile the same, Maty.”

He laughed at the nickname that threw him back to that first summer. He quieted down for a few moments as you flipped through the rest of the pictures, his fingers drumming softly on your arm. “I still can’t believe we found each other.”

“I know.”

You could hear your heartbeat pounding against your ribcage as Mat leaned in closer to look at the pictures with you. Your breath hitched in your throat and you stopped suddenly as one picture caught your attention- the family picture taken that year, with both your family and the Barzals posing together as friends. But what really stuck out to you was the way Mat’s face was pressed up against your cheek, in the most innocent, childish kiss you’ve ever seen.

“Wow, look at that.” Mat chuckled a bit through his words, his eyes soft behind you. He didn’t remember kissing you at eleven years old, but seeing that picture brought sparks to his veins and had memories flooding back to his mind. It was you. You hadn’t just been his first crush, but his first kiss as well. “We’ve come pretty far, eh?” Your silence was almost painful to him, and he couldn’t help the way his face fell. Wrong thing to say, wrong thing to say, oh god oh god oh god.

“Yeah, we have.”

He smiled again as your voice filled his ears.

“Do you remember that place, Mat?” His eyes followed your finger as you traced the rocky cliffs in the background of the photo. Oh, did he remember. The little hidden beach, surrounded on three sides by rocky cliffs and sandy dunes and the little ocean inlet shallow and warm and perfect for swimming in, was a beautiful place that immediately brought back memories. You had first found that place on a family walk, and Mat had dared you to jump off the cliffs into the water with him. Of course you didn’t end up jumping, as neither of your parents let you out of their sight.

“It’s our little hideaway.”

“Yeah.” You sat in silence for a moment, in awe that you had such a private little place with him, and noticed how the rain was slowing down. “When it stops raining, do you want to walk there tonight?”

“Absolutely. As much as I love your family, I’ve been dying to spend some time with my girl again.”

My girl. My girl. My girl. Too much?

But the smile on your face reassured him. “I wanna spend more time with you too, Mat.” You threw your arm around his shoulders in an act you thought was sweet, but regretted it and drew back your arm as soon as he let out a sharp hiss. “What’s wrong?”

“Ah, nothing.”

“You’re sunburnt, aren’t you?”

“No, no, it’s not bad.”

“Mat, I told you you’d get burnt!” He was quiet, red faced, and you weren’t sure if all the red was from the burn or embarrassment. “Let me see.”

“I’m fine.”

“Mathew!”

“I promise.” But you stood up, always just as stubborn as him, photographs in hand, and held your hand out to him. He looked up at you, amused. Oh what you did to him.

“Come on. We’ll fix you up, dummy.”

Mat laughed and shook his head before giving in, his palm sliding into yours and following you obediently back into the house.

-------------

The rainclouds had finally cleared, though it was too late in the day to get any sunlight in, and instead the vast blanket of stars were already beginning to twinkle overhead when you and Mathew headed out after the family dinner.

“Mat, look at all the stars tonight!”

“You still love them as much as always, yeah?”

“Of course!”

Mat watched you, adoration evident in his eyes, as you gazed up at the sky in awe. He had to agree. There weren’t stars like this in the city, not even in his hometown. This little oceanfront town didn’t produce enough light to block out the beautiful heavens above. But, his eyes were still fixated on you, on the wonder in your eyes and the way you were so soft and amazing in everything you do. The moon could be falling, for all he cared, there could be a literal alien spaceship in front of them, but all he could see was you. “Beautiful.”

“They look best after it storms, I think.”

“Yeah?” Mat could do nothing but nod along, too lost in his own thoughts to find words to say. He hoped he didn’t seem too boring, but walking there, hand in hand with you and feet in the warm sand, his mind couldn’t help but wander. What if you loved me, (Y/N)?

“I think I wanna be a constellation when I die.”

“That’s-” Mat laughed a bit louder than he meant to at your sudden confession, and stumbled to pull himself back together. “That’s a little grim to talk about, isn’t it?”

“I mean, I just think stars are so pretty, and I’d just love to be twinkling up there, looking down on people. Plus, I’m more of a night person anyway.” You smiled, and Mat’s heart fluttered in his chest. “What about you? If you were reincarnated as something? Maybe… ice? So you could live and die with hockey like you do right now?”

Mat didn’t even need to think for a second, he knew his answer immediately. Stars, stars, I’d lie in the stars with you, spend all eternity by your side. I’d drop hockey, all the wins and the trophies and the attention. I’d drop it all for you. “Yeah, that’d be pretty cool.”

You walked, hand in hand, down the length of the beach, until you could no longer look back and see your house. Until houses no longer speckled the shore, and instead it was just you, Mat, the ocean and the stars, in your own little world. The shore rose beside you, and after walking around a little bend, you were suddenly hidden away in a little sandy inlet, rocky cliffs surrounding you on three sides, and the ocean, gentle and lapping on the other.

“Here it is.”

“Looks the same as when we were young.” Your hand slipped out of his, just for a moment, to pull out your phone. “Smile, Mat.” His face lit up, not in one of the dazzling smiles you remember and loved so much, but a softer, gentler little smirk.

“Before and after pic, huh?”

“Yeah.”

For a few moments, his eyes gleamed in mischief, and you should’ve known what was coming.

“You know what? You still never jumped off the dock at the fishing spot with me. But I can think of something that would be even more fun.” You were about to ask what, but the smirk on his face as he glanced towards the cliffs and raised a hand to motion towards it should’ve told you that nothing innocent was coming. “Remember that dare?”

“Oh my god.” You laughed at the excited look on his face.

“Let’s jump off that rock.”

“Are you the bad influence my parents always warned me about? Who asks if I’ll jump off a bridge with them?”

He laughed, loud and boisterous and bouncing around the sandy dunes and cliffs that hid you away from the rest of the world. “Maybe I am.” And then he stretched his arms above his head and tossed his shirt to the sand, the muscles of his now bare chest and shoulders shining in the pale moonlight, watching with a giddy smile as you looked him over with an incredulous laugh. He took a few strides back towards the rocks, giving you an enticing smirk and luring you out to him like a siren with his song. “So? You coming in or what?” You should’ve turned back right there; you should’ve recognized the signs and listened to your head rather than your heart, your hormones, and turned back to shore and ran, left him here alone instead of stepping over this boundary- scratch that, fucking barrelling through this boundary like it was a race to finish- but you didn’t. You stayed. Worse yet, you stepped towards him, foolishly, blinded by that goddamn stupid smile.

No, no, you really shouldn’t. But you were so fucked for him, for that smile, for that cocky little “gotcha” laugh that he always did when you followed him so blindly, without any hesitation. You were so in love. Fuck it.

“Unfortunately, Maty, I’d follow you anywhere.”

There was a rocky path leading from the sand up the side of the cliff, a natural staircase, or so it had seemed when you were younger and more imaginative. Mat grabbed your hand to help you up, his palm big and heavy against your own, and you couldn’t help but wonder how you used to make it up here as children.

At the top, your eyes met the most beautiful sight, and, for once, it wasn’t just the man standing next to you. The moon had risen over the ocean, casting its cool glow across miles and miles of water. The water was dark and blue and lapping gently at the pool below you, and the air was still warm, though the rocks beneath your feet were finally cooling off. You both watched in silence for a few moments, taking in all the beauty of the scene before you and forgetting all about his hand in yours.

“It’s certainly a lot smaller than I remember.” It was true, the rock definitely wasn’t as high as you pictured it to be. It was a high cliff, sure, but standing atop it was much less intimidating than facing your feelings for Mat.

“Yeah, well, you were a lot smaller eleven years ago too.”

He snickered, his hand squeezing yours, perhaps subconsciously, or maybe in realization, he’d still been holding it. But he still didn’t let go, and neither did you. His face was warm, not that you’d ever notice, not in the dark. “Well, you’re about the same size.”

“Mat! Not true!”

“Yeah, it is.” He pulled you against his side like he always did in a little half-hug and laughed that beautiful laugh of his. After a few more moments of smiling silence, Mat hummed in thought. “Ya know what? I know what would make this jump a lot more fun.”

“Yeah, what’s that?”

“Skinny dipping.”

Your heart almost stopped when the words passed his lips. You hesitated to respond, laughing a little bit. “No, you’re not serious.”

“Yeah, I mean, no one can see us out here. There are no houses nearby. Only us.” It was tempting, so, so tempting, and Mat could tell you were right on the edge of saying yes. You were. “Listen, I’ll stay far away from you the whole time and I won’t even look at you, I promise. But we’re leaving soon, we'll probably never get another chance at this exact spot, and we’re twenty-one, twenty-two, let’s do something reckless. Let’s be stupid together. Yeah?”

You bit your lip, and Mat would never admit to you how much you turned him on at that moment alone, but he stored that image away for later tonight. You were considering it, but both you and Mat already knew you had made up your mind long ago.

“Sure.”

“Yeah?”

You laughed, the excitement of doing something so scandalous and dangerous and intimate with him finally settling in. Mat smiled back at you, you both laughed and looked at each other with complete reckless abandon. There was nothing else to lose after this. Easily every shred of friendship would be gone. You couldn’t be just friends anymore. “Let’s be reckless.”

“Let’s go, baby!”

“You first, though.” You stepped away from him and motioned towards his shorts, your heart pounding and cheeks hot. The smile on his face should’ve warned you that he wasn’t playing around here, but for some reason, you were still shocked at what he did next.

“Alright, fine.” You could feel a slickness between your thighs as he hooked his fingers in the waistband of his shorts and smirked as he shimmied them down, making a great show of swaying his hips and biting his lip, trying and succeeding to be as sexy as possible. And though you jokingly laughed and pleaded for him to stop, the dull ache in your core only worsened when you caught just a glimpse of what lay beneath the fabric, at the end of that V shape in his hips. Your eyes shot up to the sky, your face red hot and shy when he lifted his swim trunks as proof and flung them towards your feet.

“Ew, Mat!”

“Come on, your turn!” Your heart pounded and you couldn’t help the wave of self-consciousness. But Mat’s smile was addictive, and he made you so comfortable, comfortable enough to have you pulling Mat's hoodie over your head, letting it fall by your ankles and leaving you in your bikini.

“Turn around, Mat.”

He raised his hands in surrender and smiled as he turned, and you couldn’t help but glance- for just one second- down at his toned thighs and ass. Wow…. “I know you’re staring, y/n/n.”

“Wha- no!”

“I don’t mind, babe. Look wherever you want. I'm all yours.” And his body shook with laughter as you undid the string of your top and slipped out of your bottoms and tossed the fabric towards his feet. You could see him do a double-take at the sight, as if he didn't believe you were serious about skinny dipping, but you couldn’t bring yourself to laugh, to busy marveling at his physique, the dark swoop of hair he kept running his hand through- a nervous habit you’d recognized as far back as 2008- the muscles of his back and shoulders, the dip at the small of his back, his toned ass, his thighs... He wasn’t even looking at you, but there was something about how you were so bare, so vulnerable, so close to him. Just the idea of his body and yours being so close and so primal, so exposed, and about to take this leap… something was stirring up a fire, a fire you'd put out later. Your fingers slipped down between your thighs momentarily, marveling at how hot Mat made you before they wiped hastily on your thigh and you stored those memories away for later that night. Your other hand curled into Mat’s again, and his fingers squeezed around yours at the contact, as if it was the most natural thing to do. The only thing against his body, besides your own skin, was the bracelet you had put all your love and energy into, all for him, and now you were standing on the edge, taking a final breath. About to jump. About to fall with him as hard as you’d already fallen for him.

“You ready, Maty?”

“I think I should be asking you, pretty girl.”

You hesitated, still a little nervous, trying to build up that excitement. “Countdown?”

“Course. After three. Say it with me?”

“Okay." Your thumb smoothed over his hand, tightening your grip. "Three.”

“Two.” He squeezed back.

“One.”

Mat gave a final, devilish smirk as he whispered “Jump.” and, with one of his iconic howls, your feet were off the ground.

You felt so free, so vulnerable, so exposed, falling naked through the cool air, hands clammy and grasped against each other, shrieking in excitement and adventure. You had bared yourself to Mat, you had stripped yourself of any fears and leaped with him, as if each article of clothing that hit the ground was another shedded insecurity, another forgotten reason for hesitation. You’d pushed the boundaries until they couldn’t go any further, then said “fuck it” and tore the boundary away. There was a brief moment of fear as you hit the cold water, but the moment you resurfaced with a gasp to see Mat’s smiling face, his hair dark and saturated, dripping into his eyes, you couldn’t help but laugh.

You'd done it.

"Wow!"

“Right?”

Your combined laughter filled the little inlet with squeals of glee as you splashed around with Mat. It wasn’t too deep, but deep enough that your feet couldn’t touch the bottom, and you instinctively gravitated towards Mat. You moved closer toward him, maybe subconsciously, as if your body craved his more than your mind would ever be able to comprehend. As if you were pulled to him by some force you couldn't control, the same way you'd found each other after 10 years apart, how you'd found yourselves here again, so close, so opened up and bare before each other, even after you'd both thought you'd wrecked any chances. How you had found the sunshine in Mat's smile again, even after the rain.

"Was it worth it?"

"Absolutely!"

The water was cold, goosebumps were popping up along your arms and legs, and across Mat’s as well. And as you drew closer to him and reached out for his wrist, dragging your hand from the bracelt he wore so proudly, up the length of his arm, his hands reached for yours as well, looking for a lifeline as his smooth voice reached your ears.

“You cold?”

You nodded and ran your hands across the tight muscles of his biceps, warm despite the chilly air, and flattening them against his chest before bringing them up, up, up behind his neck to tangle in his dark, wet hair. Your breath hitched in your throat when Mat's hands dipped under the water to your waist, leaving a bit of space between your bodies and honoring his promise from earlier to stay away, but asking permission with his eyes. His big hands squeezing your waist was making your mind spin, and you could barely stutter out a quiet: “You?”

“Nah. Feels fine for me.” He grinned, "But I can help you." He pulled you ever so slightly closer, slowly, slowly, until you were flush with each other, your bodies slick and wet and warm in the cool water, every crevice and curve fitting against each other like puzzle pieces. Mat’s blown eyes traced over your face, from your eyes, down to your lips, and leaned down, pressing his face against your shoulder and pulling you as close as possible, bringing a knee up to prop you against him. He opened his hot mouth along your skin, leaving wet kisses across your shoulder and up your neck. Your chest was pressed flush against his, your nipples poking out hard against his skin, your hands in his wet hair, his big hands engulfing your waist with his touch, his knee inserted between your thighs to keep you against him, floating, weightless, against him. “Let me help?”

And God, how you wanted him to help.

It seemed as if every part of you was touching. Your skin was hot and wet and the sound of the gentle lapping of water against your bodies and on the shore made everything feel like a dream. Even more euphoric, though, was the way Mat's eyes- dark and needy- found yours, in the way you'd always seen in your dreams. The way you'd only seen in your dreams. Until now.

And then, finally, your mouths.

Your mouths collided hot and needy, open and wet and the furthest thing from chaste, wanting to swallow each other up, to ease the aches you had tried to bury so deep in your bodies. You wanted to get so lost in him that you’d never come back, so lost in him that for the rest of time it’d only be you and Mat and the ocean. Weightless, naked, and hot. And he wanted to bury himself in you, hide away from the rest of the world for just this night. He’d been craving it all week. And what he’d been craving was more than sex, it was the affection, the intimacy, the closeness of being with you, entangled with you, so gentle but so needy, giving in completely and finally- finally- letting your hearts take control. His tongue was slippery and warm against yours, and it felt, for a moment, as if this was meant to be.

“I would treat you so much better than he did.” Mat’s mouth was hot and wild and messy against yours, breathing against you and moaning out his confession. “I would be so much better. I’d fucking cherish you.”

“Mathew.”

“Fuck, I’d take such good care of you.”

“Mat, I want you.”

“Fuck,” He groaned against you, rocking his body against yours gently. Your hands burnt his skin wherever you touched, your nails dragging along smooth, wet skin and leaving angry red lines in their wake, dragging down his sides, over his hard abs, right to that one forbidden area. “I want you so bad, baby.”

There were no more words, only hot, aching silence as Mat held you against him. You were slick between your thighs, even under the water you could feel that familiar warmth, the tingling in your belly at the sound of his voice and the feeling of his face against yours, his nose pressed against your cheek as his lips ravaged yours, his tongue delving into the crevices of your mouth to taste you, to feel every part of you. His hands slid to your ass and pulled you as close as possible, molding your skin against his and gluing you to him with the passion. You could feel his desire, hard and swelling and needy between your bodies, and you wanted him. You wanted him more than anything.

“Stop, stop, stop.”

Mat, always concerned with you before anything else, pulled away, his eyes wide and worried, his hands dropping you back into the water, where you pushed yourself back as fast as you could, trying to catch your breath. “What?”

“We can’t.”

He said nothing else, but nodded and stepped away from you, averting his eyes, his face hot and his head spinning. Fuck, he was still aching. But you took your chance to wade to shore and scramble up the rocks to collect your clothes and hide yourself again. You were shaking, trying to shake away the shame flooding through your body at what you just did. Fuck, fuck, fuck, why did you have to do that? Why did you do something that stupid? If last night didn’t ruin your friendship, tonight certainly did.

Mat was standing in the sand at the bottom of the cliff, turned away from you, trying to even out his breathing, and you brought his swim trunks down as a courtesy, the least you could do. “Thanks.” His voice was choked up, strained, and he cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck before pulling them back on.

The walk home was silent, but not silent in the way that it had been earlier, comfortable and warm. There was no hand-holding, no smiles, no funny small talk. Only pain and heartbreak. Both your minds were struggling to process the last hour. Why had you decided to leave the house tonight? Why did you let yourself take it that far? How could you ruin something so amazing? How many chances would you give each other before giving up and never spoke again?

You almost ran up the porch into the house and to your bedroom, as Mat followed silently behind. Your bedroom door was already locked, you were already hidden beneath the covers, tears in your eyes and hands between your thighs with the thought of Mat paguing your mind, when Mat made it to his, glanced across the hallway at your door, and finally hid himself away.

He wished he didn’t feel this way, he wanted nothing more than to love you as a friend, but the same as every other night, Mat fell asleep with you floating through his mind. Only this time, it was more than your image. It was the smell of you, your burning touch, your sweet taste as your tongue danced against his own, imprinted on his brain, daring him to even try to think of another woman ever again. He bit his tongue as he jerked his desire desperately into his hand, holding back his moans and his cries as he spared one last thought to you before spilling out and letting the tears stream down his hot cheeks.

And he fell asleep, sticky and shameful and, like always, thinking of you.

#mat barzal #smile like sunshine #mat barzal x reader #reader insert #nhl fanfiction #mat barzal fanfiction #fic #op

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dishearteningmediocrity · 3 years

Text

From Picturegoer Weekly, July 29, 1933

Transcript follows:

“The Woman Who Thrilled Me, by Colin Clive”

In an interview with John Gliddon

It has become a Hollywood habit to send an urgent message to Colin Clive asking him to jump on the next boat for a rush journey to Los Angeles.

It has happened once a year since his first spectacular dash to Universal City to play his original part of Captain Stanhope in Journey’s End.

Now Colin is wise in the ways of Hollywood and has become an expert at packing his bags and leaving England at less than twenty-four hours’ notice; he packed in a hurry to star in Frankenstein: he did it again when Hollywood wanted him as Katharine Hepburn’s leading man in Christopher Strong.

That time he had two big thrills--meeting Katharine Hepburn, the Star Who Can Act, and finding out at first hand what it feels like to be in a Hollywood earthquake.

Let’s hear what Colin has to say about the Hepburn thrill before the earthquake is staged; but let me warn you about one thing. Colin Clive is one of those grand fellows who Hates Being Interviewed; he thinks going to the dentist is much better fun.

Maybe he is right. When I explained to him that we might just as well have a chat about Hollywood and not call it an interview, he brightened up a whole lot and ordered another drink.

Said Colin Clive in enthusiastic tones: “Katharine Hepburn is a grand girl. She is certainly different. There is nobody quite like her in Hollywood--or anywhere else, for that matter. What is her appeal? Certainly not beauty; she isn’t beautiful in the least, yet she has a magnetic personality and terrific vitality.”

“Katharine has got something bigger than beauty; she has got brains and above all things she is an actress, to her finger-tips.

“She is not just--a face, but a great personality. I said just now that she is not beautiful; that is true, though she understands the art of acting so amazingly that she can convey the illusion of beauty if the situation demands it.

“When you get to know Katharine Hepburn you are impressed by her natural intelligence. She can talk; I don’t mean chatter the usual Hollywood gossip, but talk like the intelligent woman she is about interesting things that happen in the bigger world beyond the Hollywood circle.

“Few stars talk interestingly on any topic--except themselves, but Katharine Hepburn is the delightful exception.

“On the set, I was impressed by her powers of tremendous concentration. She likes to rehearse, and rehearse until she feels the scene is right, even though her director may be quite satisfied by the scene as it stands.

“No, she always seems to strive after perfection in her acting.

“I have never known a star to be as painstaking as Miss Hepburn.

“In Christopher Strong, we both had the novel experience of being directed by a woman--Dorothy Arzner.

“Miss Arzner is a clever technician, but it seemed a bit queer, at first, being told what to do--by a woman!

“I got used to it after awhile, though another thing that struck me as a bit strange, until I got over the shock, was that Dorothy Arzner never lost her temper. I suppose she leaves that privilege to the male directors. She is very reserved, very gentle, very clever, and she is an ‘ace’ for angles.”

When shooting on Christopher Strong finished, a bank crash hit Hollywood, and nobody was allowed to draw out any money.

Colin wanted to return home. He took his cheques to the bank, but the banks were closed, and he had to wait until they were re-opened. He waited a few weeks and was getting tired of kicking his heels round Hollywood when the Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer studio snapped him up for Service, the screen version of Dodie Smith’s play of shop life.

The only bright spot in those weeks of waiting for the banks to resume business were some happy week-ends with Elizabeth Allan and husband Bill O’Bryan.

This young couple have made a hit with Hollywood.

Then he told me about that other big thrill--the earthquake.

“I was sitting in my hotel room writing to Jeanne (Jeanne de Casalis, Mrs. Colin Clive), when suddenly the radio started to screech and the lights flickered. Then I heard a rumble, the house quivered, my books came tumbling down, and great cracks appeared on the ceiling.

“I rushed downstairs and out into the street. There was tremendous excitement. People looked scared. Two girls fainted just in front of me. For a few moments there was panic.

“Then, though it seemed longer at the time, a few seconds later it was all over. There followed a series of small shocks but I wasn’t taking any chances and went back to my room and stood in the archway of the open door. That is the safest place I was told to stand when an earthquake is on.

“Coming home, I dreamt about that ‘quake and woke up in my cabin, having forgotten I was safely at sea, and jumped out of bed to stand in the archway of the cabin.

“Then I woke up--properly, and realized it was only a dream. You see, they are nasty things--earthquakes!

I gave Colin Clive a minute or two to get the impression of that earthquake out of his mind before asking him to talk about two other interesting members of the cast of Service, Lionel Barrymore and Lewis Stone.

“I have never met an actor with less personal pride than Lionel Barrymore,” he told me. “He is an extraordinarily well-read and intelligent man. When he talks it is always about something worth while, though I think he likes sleeping better than anything else.

“I have seen Lionel Barrymore enjoying a sound sleep in his chair at the side of the ‘set,’ yet the instant his cue comes he is wide awake and ready for the ‘shot.’

“Lewis Stone is another very delightful man; in fact he is one of the nicest men I have ever met. Reserved, cultured, charming and courteous to everybody, he certainly seems to know all there is to know about picture acting, yet, with all his experience, he never questions his director, or make suggestions of his own about how the scene should be played.

“Lewis Stone always does what he is told, and how well he does it!

“It was certainly an interesting experience, playing in Service with such splendid actors as Lionel Barrymore and Lewis Stone, though--what pleased me most of all--was the knowledge that ‘Liz’ Allan is regarded as one of the most promising of all Hollywood’s younger stars.

“It’s a grand break for an English girl to win personal popularity in Hollywood. But ‘Liz’ Allan seems everybody’s favourite.”

At the end of Service, James Whale offered Colin Clive the leading part in The Invisible Man, but as it meant waiting two months for the picture to begin, Clive felt he could not accept, though the part appealed to him as being “down his street.”

Colin Clive gets a kick out of playing parts like his grim role in Frankenstein; he certainly does not see himself as a leading man or a romantic lover. He wants the strong stuff.

When Colin Clive is home in England you will have to look for him right in the heart of the country.

Somewhere in Kent, he and Jeanne de Casalis have a small cottage where they spend as much time as possible, winter or summer.

“I have no use for parties,” Colin said to me, “I never go to them, and the only life I really enjoy is away from London, pottering about in the garden at the cottage.

“I suppose it may sound a bit queer for a fellow to say that there is no spot on the earth to compare with England when you want the joy of the simple life. Well, I have yet to discover anything better than English country life.”

That is a true portrait of Colin Clive, the star Hollywood always wants--in a hurry.

#Colin Clive #Katharine Hepburn #1933 #Dorothy Arzner #Christoper Strong #Looking Forward #interview

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simsadventures · 5 years

Text

Better Like This: Chapter 6: Good Times

Summary: Your days are filled with love and anticipation, but New York is still under an attack. And the death count grows.

Warnings: fluff, cute Bucky, scenting, mentions of death, dead bodies, blood, choking, stalking

Word Count: 2148

A/N: This chapter is a little shorter, so, sorry for that. Also, I love love love your guesses about the murderer and all that!! Keep ‘em coming guys. Love you all xx

Series Masterlist __ Masterlist

< Previous Chapter

When you woke up the next morning, everything felt great. The butterflies in your stomach didn’t go away, and you cherished them. They proved to you that last night really happened. That you weren’t just dreaming of kissing Bucky (you dreamt of him enough anyway) and that you could go to work excited to see him. But still, there was a little nagging voice in your head, telling you that he regrets everything and you two don’t have a future.

You looked at your phone, and the warmth returned to your heart and your face, and you let your smile grow. You have 5 unread messages, but only one that really mattered.

Bucky: Morning, doll. Want to grab lunch with me? Yesterday was amazing, btw ;)

You didn’t think it was possible to feel this happy just from reading one freaking text message.

You: Good morning :) Yeah, sure, would love to and yeah, yesterday was kinda amazing.

You looked at the other 4 messages, one from Wanda, one from Scott and two from Strange, all asking for details about yesterday’s date, with Stephen freaking out that you’re dead because you didn’t answer your phone. You rolled your eyes and dialled his number.

“OH MY GOD! Are you fucking insane? We thought you are dead, why on Earth are you-“ “Stephen, calm down! I came home pretty late last night and was so tired I fell asleep the second I laid down. And I just woke up, so please, stop yelling at me and calm the fuck down.” You shook your head and told Stephen all about the night, knowing you were on a loudspeaker, because you could hear occasional squeals from Wong. You ended the call, knowing you’d have to endure two more like this one. Your friends wouldn’t be satisfied with a short message

After calling everyone, you texted a bit more with Bucky, agreeing to try a new pizzeria, which has newly opened near to your house.

You spent too much time picking out your outfit. You wanted Bucky to like you. What you didn’t realise was that he’d probably like you in a sack of potatoes.

When your doorbell rang, your heart skipped a beat, and you took one last glance in the mirror. When you opened the door, your breath hitched in your throat. Bucky was breathtaking. He wore a plain white shirt, skinny jeans and a jacket, simple, you knew, but wow. He was perfect. When you looked into his face, he was scanning your body and outfit, his eyes darkening for a second when he noticed your low-neckline. He coughed to hide his interest and smiled at you, the slightest blush creeping to his cheeks.

“Wow, doll. You look… wow.” You laughed a little and to hide your embarrassment you hugged him tightly. Who were you kidding, you would hug him anyway, you just needed to feel his body on yours, let his scent engulf you. He hugged you back, putting his head on top of yours and inhaling.

“Doll, can I have a question? I mean, you can say no and whatever, I just-“ “What is it, Bucky? You can ask me anything!” You smiled up at him assuringly.

“Huh, can I scent you? I’ve been dying to do it for some time, but I don’t want to overstep some boundaries, you know?”

Your belly tingled a little bit, but you tried to push it away, it was not the time to think having sex with him, not yet, anyway.

“Of course,” you said a bit too quick, so you added, “I mean, yeah, sure, whatever,” Bucky smirked, seeing the excitement written all over your face, which encouraged him to do what he craved. He needed to fill his system with your scent, more than he needed oxygen. Ever since the night before, he couldn’t stop thinking about it, thinking about you. His whole being was crying out for you, and he wanted nothing more than to come to your apartment and stay with you, in bed, forever. Well, first things first, he thought, while he pushed your hair away from your neck and leaned in to scent you.

He ran his nose along your jugular, stopping at your scent gland, at the nape of your neck. He was purring, louder and louder each passing second he spent so close to you and your delicious smell. You were perfect.

You shuddered a little when you felt his tongue tasting your skin, his teeth lightly nibbling at the place he would once claim. You had to suppress a moan at that feeling. You were overwhelmed. Bucky’s presence was distracting enough, but him being this close, scenting you and tasting you? You were a goner.

He didn’t want to pull away, hell, you didn’t want him to pull away, but you couldn’t be standing at your hallway, in the middle of the day, pressed against each other, purring like crazy. Bucky was the first to move, and a low whine escaped your throat. He smiled at you and kissed you softly. “Let’s go doll, I’m hungry.” But the way he said it? Well, let’s say it only made you pout harder and want to do nothing more than grab him and pull him to your apartment. You were hungry too, just not for food.

—-

The lunch went on smoothly, you were giggling like a love-sick teenager, and you even had to stop yourself sometimes. You weren’t usually this type, hell, you always made gagging voices when you saw couples making out on the streets. And now you were very, very close to being one of those couples. Well… people, you and Bucky weren’t precisely a couple…. yet….

You took a walk after lunch, just to stay together a little longer, and as you were walking down the street, you heard a sharp yell. You looked at Bucky, and you both set out to run.

At one of the side streets, 2 people were standing and staring at something, while another girl was crouched in front of them, screaming.

“NYPD. What’s going on?” Bucky’s voice boomed through the noises in the street. When you two got closer, you understood, why he screaming and why no-one wanted to answer you. In front of you were bodies, three bodies.

They were all obviously female, no more than 30 years old, and all of them laying there, motionless. You and Bucky ran to them and try to find their pulses, but unsuccessfully. You pulled out your phone and called your Captain, telling him what you found, and Steve told you he would call the pathologist and all the technics needed on the scene. All you had to do was to make sure nobody else touched the bodies and not let any more witnesses in. Those three people were shocked enough and would probably need a lot of therapy to get rid of those images.

When you close the perimeter, you and Bucky started working. You looked for evidence, anything really that would help you catch the guy. You had a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach, and when you looked over at Bucky, he had the same worried expression on his face. You both just knew it was the guy you’ve been looking for weeks.

This guy, who was attacking lonely Omegas at their houses, in the middle of the night, was growing bolder. He jumped three young women, two Omegas and a Beta and choked them all to death on Saturday, at lunchtime. There weren’t many busier times in the middle of New York City.

The techs couldn’t give you anything for sure, but their preliminary thoughts were that yes, it was the same guy and no, this time, he didn’t rape them. You couldn’t say if it were because the raping was not the main thing for him, or if he was just disturbed by something or someone on the main street. All you knew was that this time, his MO changed. And that scared the shit out of you. Because if he was evolving this rapidly, New York could be looking at one of his worst serial killers in its history.

The mood of the morning and lunch was totally ruined, and both you and Bucky went back to the unit and worked your asses off, trying to find that guy. But even after three days, nothing new emerged. All was the same. The metal particles, the handprints, everything. And it was getting frustrating. You wanted to do something more, but even after questioning everyone-from the victims’ families, to their friends, to those people finding the bodies, you got nothing. All you found out was that once again, the girls used to lead dangerous lives, full of paid sex and drugs, but they seemed to be doing better, everyone in their lives agreed on that.

It was Wednesday night, all of the squad still sitting at their desks, working relentlessly to solve the case. You were tired, everything hurt, and even though you wanted to catch that bastard, you really wanted a good night sleep. No, scratch that, you NEEDED that sleep. You were looking at the photos from the first two crime scenes, trying to somehow compare them to the third one, when a hand landed on those photos.

You looked up and saw piercing blue eyes, looking down at you. “C’mon, doll. You’ve been here non-stop. When was the last time you slept more than 4 hours, huh?”

“Oh c’mon Bucky, I can’t possibly go and have my beauty sleep when there’s a murderer out there!” You hissed. You didn’t mean to be mean to him, you were just frustrated by the whole situation.

He raised an eyebrow and grabbed your hand. Despite your protests, you were out of the building in the next ten minutes and were currently in Bucky car. You didn’t speak to him and pouted like a little child. You knew you had to look ridiculous, but you couldn’t help it.

“You gonna pout at me the whole time, or are you gonna show me that beautiful smile of yours?” He was being cute, awesome. But you weren’t giving up. You wanted to help the others.

“You know that all of the team was leaving, right? We all need to sleep, sweetheart. Steve talked to us when you were out with Scott, telling us we shouldn’t overwork ourselves, because guess what, we can’t solve shit if the only thing on our minds is how comfortable that floor in the office looks.” You slightly snickered at that, he had a point. The floor started to look awfully comfortable in the last few days. “There it is,” Bucky smirked.” You rolled your eyes at him. “I just wanted to help, you know? I hate to think people are being killed while I’m what.. on a date with my boyfriend or having my-“ “Date with your boyfriend?” Bucky’s car came to a stop, and he looked at you.

Suddenly, you felt really nervous. What if it’s not something he wants? What if he really needs you as a rut-bunny and nothing else? All of these thoughts were swirling in your brain, and you tried to get at least a coherent sentence out of yourself.

“I didn’t mean, I don’t, you know, I just thought-“

“No, wait. I liked it to be called your boyfriend, that sounds… really great to me, you know? But we never really talked, so I didn’t know…”

You let out a breath you didn’t know was hitched in your throat and smiled at Bucky. “You are my true mate, Bucky, of course, I want you to be my boyfriend. I want to be anything you’ll let me be, really.” He smiled at that and leaned closer to you, so he was suddenly mere inches away from you.

“I want it all doll. I’m all in.” The kiss was just as good, or maybe better than those you two shared before. This now was full of promises, of unspoken hope dwelling in both your hearts and you just couldn’t get enough.

“It’s really silly of me to ask, and you don’t have to if you don’t want to, but… could you stay the night? I just, huh, feel a lot better when you’re around and-“ You didn’t get the chance to finish because Bucky brought you closer for another kiss. “I’d love to, Y/N. I feel a lot better with you around too.” You could see another part of the wall around his heart falling down, as you two stepped out of the car together and went to get the well-deserved sleep.

The image of you two walking must have been really cheesy. Especially to someone who was standing in the shadows across the street, watching as you two closed the door behind you.

/ Next Chapter >

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morganamysticblog · 4 years

Text

The Anniversary - Part 2

After a long day of meetings, Liam ate a quick dinner then headed back to his room at the hotel. He was supposed to be home by now, but his meetings had ran late. Heather, hopefully would not be too mad at him. He had one more meeting in the morning then would start heading home to Cordonia.

After a hot shower Liam checked his phone one last time before getting some sleep. He had one text message from Heather.

TEXT FROM HEATHER – Happy Anniversary.

His heart sank. He had forgotten their anniversary. Well, there went the thought of Heather not being mad at him for being late a day. Heather was going to be furious. He had already missed their daughter’s 4th birthday and now their anniversary.

Liam held his phone in his hands thinking of a reply. What could he possibly say that would make up for this? He could take her on a trip somewhere to try to make up for it, bring her home a gift. No, that’s what he always did. Money wouldn’t make up for the time he had missed.

He knew he should be sleeping, but his mind was racing by now. He had been gone a lot lately. But why? He could have sent advisors to do these negotiations. Done them by video conference. Why did he feel the need to be the one to handle all of it? To be away from his family for so long? A few years ago he would have insisted that Heather basically be glued to his side. Now? They hardly spoke. And when he was home, they argued about him being gone so much, which then made him not want to be there, to avoid the arguing.

He needed to break this cycle somehow. He needed to get back what they once had together before he lost her for good. But how? His mind suddenly went blank. He had no idea what to do or say. His whole life he was always taught money fixes everything. But money wouldn’t fix this. Finally, exhaustion kicked in and Liam fell asleep.

__________

Heather woke up early the next morning. After wiping the sleep from her eyes, she checked her phone. 6:00 a.m. and no messages. She sent a text to Hana.

TEXT TO HANA – Hey Hana. If you and Maxwell want to bring Ellie home early, I’m here and missing my girl.

Heather went downstairs for some breakfast. She didn’t want to wake any of the staff, so she cooked some scrambled eggs with cheese and turkey bacon herself, then went to the small dining room to eat. Thoughts of the night before still running through her head. Just as she was finishing the last few bites of her breakfast, her phone buzzed with a new message.

TEXT FROM DRAKE – Hey Heather. Just checking on you. Hope you had a good night’s sleep.

Heather smiled at the message from Drake. She decided to call him.

DRAKE – Hey you. You’re up early.

HEATHER – So are you.

DRAKE – Did you get any sleep?

HEATHER – Yeah.

DRAKE – How are you doing?

HEATHER – Actually, I’m ok. I think I passed the sorrow and anger stages and now I’m in the numb phase. How are you doing? Did you get some good sleep?

DRAKE – I’m ok. I had some decent dreams, how’s that?

HEATHER – Ha ha. Let me guess, you dreamt about camping in a huge forest with no one around except you, a river for fishing and a campfire for s’mores.

DRAKE – Yep. Pretty much. Maybe a little more, but we won’t go there right now.

HEATHER – Drake…about last night.

DRAKE – Hey, it’s ok. I’m not going to say I regret it, but I’m not going to push for anything either.

HEATHER – Thanks.

DRAKE – Well, I’m going to get going for now. I just wanted to check in on you. I’ll talk to you later.

HEATHER – Ok. Later Drake.

As soon as Heather hung up the phone a call came in from Hana.

HEATHER – Hey Hana.

HANA – Is everything ok?

HEATHER – Yeah, why?

HANA – Are you sure you want us to bring Ellie back so soon? I thought you and Liam would want some time alone.

HEATHER – He’s been delayed.

HANA – Oh no. For how long?

HEATHER – I’m not sure. You know what…I’ll just come get her. I’ll be there in a couple hours.

HANA – Are you sure? We can bring her. It’s no problem.

HEATHER – No, it’s ok. I’ll be there soon.

HANA – Ok. See you soon.

Heather goes upstairs to her room and Ellie’s room and packs things for both of them to last a couple weeks. She loads the suitcases into the back of a small SUV. A servant comes out and asks if she would like someone to drive her.

HEATHER – No, thank you. I’ll be fine.

SERVANT – Of course, your majesty. Safe travels.

Heather gets into the SUV and heads off to Valtoria.

__________

Liam quickly ate his breakfast. He had one more meeting that started in about 10 minutes. Hopefully it wouldn’t take long. He wanted to get home. He needed to get home.

The meeting went by in a blur. He hoped he was saying the right things. He truly was not paying attention. His mind was on making sure his plane was ready to take him home. He was supposed to take the train, but he couldn’t wait that long. His private jet should be arriving at the airport in the next few minutes.

After the formal goodbye’s, Liam climbed into the limo to head to the airport. It was 10:00 when he boarded the private jet. As soon as he entered, the door was closed and the pilot began his take off procedures. Liam checked his phone. No messages. He sent a quick message to Heather.

TEXT TO HEATHER – I’m on my way home my darling. I should be there around 2:00 this afternoon. I love you.

Four hours for him to think of something to win back his wife. As the ground below blurred he decided to bring home one dozen peach roses – Heather’s favorite, and nothing else. He sent a message to the florist to have the roses ready for him at the airport so he could bring them home personally. Hopefully it would be a start.

__________

Heather pulled into the circular drive at Valtoria. Suddenly her phone buzzed on the seat next to her. She glanced at it – a text from Liam. She didn’t even open the screen to read the message.

Hana and Eleanor came out of the front door to greet her. Eleanor ran up to her as soon as Heather got out of the car.

ELEANOR – Mommy!!!

HEATHER – There’s my girl!! I missed you.

ELEANOR – I missed you too. You should have been here mommy. We had a dance party and ate popcorn and watched Frozen 2. Then we had a slumber party. Maxwell fell asleep first, so Hana and I put makeup on him.

HEATHER – Oh please tell me there’s pictures of that.

HANA – There are.

HEATHER – You are the best! Has he seen them yet?

HANA – Yes. He posted them to his Instagram like a badge of honor or something.

HEATHER – Sounds like Maxwell.

HANA – I was just getting ready to take Ellie out to the flower garden to water the flowers. I can have someone come get the bags if you'd like.

HEATHER – No, that’s ok. I’ll take them in.

ELEANOR – Mommy, come see the pretty flowers with me.

HEATHER – I’ll be back in just a minute, ok?

ELEANOR – Ok, mommy.

Heather opens the trunk of the car and takes the two suitcases into the manor. She puts hers on her bed and puts Ellie’s in her room. It had been a while since she had been here. At least a year. Hana lived at Valtoria, and now that she was dating Maxwell, he was staying there too. Even though it was her estate, she didn’t want to impose on them for long. Heather headed back out to the garden.

ELEANOR – Look how pretty mommy. I like the purple ones.

HEATHER – Those are very pretty.

ELEANOR – Mommy, is daddy coming too?

HEATHER – I don’t know sweetheart. I haven’t talked to him for a little while.

ELEANOR – Let’s call him. Can I video him?

HEATHER – Sure. Let’s go over to the gazebo so the sun isn’t so bright on us.

ELEANOR – Ok mommy.

Heather pulls out her phone and sets up the video call for Eleanor. Heather hands her the phone when the call starts ringing.

As soon as she sees her father’s face…

ELEANOR – DADDY!!!!

LIAM – Well hello there sweetheart.

ELEANOR – Daddy, I got to put makeup on Maxwell. It was so fun.

LIAM – That’s something new. So, you’re having fun with Hana and Maxwell?

ELEANOR – Oh yes daddy. Do you have many more meetings daddy?

LIAM – No more meetings my sweet girl. I’ll be home very soon.

ELEANOR – You will? Did you bring me anything?

LIAM – Maybe. You’ll just have to wait and see.

ELEANOR – Ok daddy. Love you. Bye bye.

LIAM – Ellie, could you hand the phone back to mommy?

But Eleanor had ended the call before he could finish his question. He tried calling back, but it just went to voice mail. Well, at least he got to talk to Ellie.

ELEANOR – Mommy, can we go home to see daddy now?

HEATHER – Not yet honey.

ELEANOR – I want to see my daddy.

HEATHER – We will. Just not yet.

ELEANOR – I WANT TO SEE MY DADDY NOW!!!

HEATHER – Eleanor Margaret, I said not yet.

ELEANOR – Fine.

Eleanor storms off into the manor. Hana stops watering the flowers and goes over to Heather.

HANA – Heather, is everything ok?

HEATHER – Yes, why?

HANA – Well, you asked us to bring Ellie back early, then came here to pick her up. And you have suitcases with you. I know Liam’s been gone a while, but I thought you’d be excited to see him.

HEATHER – I should be. He’s just been gone for so long.

HANA – What are you going to do?

HEATHER – I don’t know yet. That’s one of the reasons I came here. To give me some time away from the palace to think. But it looks like I won’t get that if Ellie wants to go back so badly to see him.

HANA – Ellie will be fine. She’s like her mother, she just needs some time to cool off. Maxwell and I can keep her entertained for as long as you need.

HEATHER – You are the absolute best friend ever Hana. I just…I’m not ready for another argument with him. And I’m getting really tired of being a single mom.

HANA – I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize it was getting that bad.

HEATHER – It’s been building for quite a while. I have been in denial, I think. But last night when he didn’t come home, didn’t call, completely forgot our anniversary, that was the final straw that pulled me out of it. I can’t keep doing this. Something has to change…everything has to change.

HANA – Oh Heather. (Hana gives Heather a hug.)

Tears stream down Heather’s face. She always considered herself a strong person. After everything she had been through, fixing her marriage should be easy. But this seemed to be the hardest thing she had ever had to do. She pulls away from Hana and wipes her eyes.

HEATHER – I’m going to go up to my room for a little bit. Could you watch Ellie for me?

HANA – Of course. Let me know if you need anything.

HEATHER – I will. Thank you.

Heather goes upstairs to her room and out to the balcony. The view was still absolutely breathtaking. She went back in to the room and pulled a chair out to the balcony to sit down. The mountains, trees and waterfall were relaxing.

Making a mental list, she began to think about her options. There was precedence for a queen to just leave. Leo’s mother had done it. Liam could marry again. Eleanor would still be heir to the throne, but Heather could take her with her wherever she decided to go until it was time.

She could take Ellie on a vacation for a few weeks just to prove a point. Make Liam miss them while he was alone at the palace. But where would they go? It would have to be somewhere he couldn’t find them easily.

She could take Ellie to Dallas, to her family ranch. She could enroll Ellie in the same private school she went to as a child. Ellie would receive all the same training that she would here, well almost all of it. But Heather could show her how the commoners live. Show her to respect her people. She was beginning to miss Texas now. She hadn’t felt homesick at all since she left, but lately, she wanted to go home.

Then her thoughts suddenly changed to Drake and the kiss they shared the night before. She started thinking about all the time they had spent together over the years. All the times he had saved her, been there for her. His smile and the sparkle in his eyes when he looked at her. The way he looked with no shirt on. The way his muscles moved, his body glistening in the sun. Suddenly she started feeling warm. There was always the option of going on vacation somewhere with Drake.

Heather shook her head. No, she wouldn’t drag him into this and use him like that. Drake had made it pretty obvious how he felt, but he also made it obvious that he wanted her to be absolutely sure when she made her choice. This was not a quick pro/con list like before. And physical attraction did not mean everything would be perfect.

She needed a change of scenery that was definite. She felt like she was suffocating at the palace. She suddenly felt weak, not physically but mentally. When she first arrived in Cordonia, she had no problem voicing her opinion, showing everyone that she was not going to be pushed around. Now that seemed like an entirely different person. She felt like she had lost her spark.

Heather pulls out her phone – skipping reading the message from Liam – and searches images of North Fork Ranch in Texas. Slowing looking through the pictures of her childhood home, her resolve begins to come in stronger. That is where she needed to be.

HANA – Heather, are you hungry? We’re getting ready to have lunch.

HEATHER – That sounds great. I’ll be right there.

Heather heads down to the solarium to have lunch with Hana, Maxwell and little Ellie.

After everyone finished lunch, Ellie stands up.

ELEANOR – Ok mommy. I’m all done. Let’s go now.

HEATHER – What do you mean let’s go now?

ELEANOR – Daddy’s home. We have to go.

HEATHER – Soon, ok?

ELEANOR – He won’t be happy if we’re not there.

HEATHER – He’ll be fine Ellie. Why don’t you go upstairs and change into something comfortable for the ride. We’ll leave in a little bit.

ELEANOR – Ok.

Ellie heads upstairs to change.

HANA – So you’re heading back?

HEATHER – Yeah. For now. Ellie loves her daddy. I don’t want to keep her away from him for long if he’s coming home today.

HANA – Keep me posted on what happens, ok?

HEATHER – I will.

Heather goes up to her room to get her suitcase. She puts both suitcases into the car, buckles Ellie into her car seat, and starts the drive back to the palace.

__________

Liam opens the front door to the palace. No one is there to greet him. He sets his suitcase down and closes the door.

Upon hearing the sound of the door a staff member rushes out.

SERVANT – Oh, your majesty. Welcome home.

LIAM – Thank you. Where is everyone? It’s very quiet.

SERVANT – The queen gave most of the staff a couple days off in anticipation of your arrival. They will all be back tomorrow.

LIAM – I see.

SERVANT – I’ll take your bag to your room sir. Would you like me to put the flowers in a vase?

LIAM – Yes, please. Could you leave them here for the queen? I wanted to give them to her myself.

SERVANT – Of course, sir. I will let you know as soon as she arrives.

LIAM – She’s not here?

SERVANT – No sir. She left earlier this morning.

LIAM – Oh. Did she say when she would return?

SERVANT – No sir. But she should be back shortly. I believe she may have gone to go get Princess Eleanor from Valtoria.

LIAM – Actually, now that you say that, yes, she did. I spoke with the princess earlier.

SERVANT – Well, welcome home your majesty.

LIAM – Thank you.

The servant takes Liam’s bag up to the bedroom then brings a vase for the roses. Liam sits on the stairs with the vase next to him and waits.

Heather pulls on to the grounds about 30 minutes later. Liam hears the vehicle and sits up a little straighter. Excitement and nervousness coursing through him.

Heather sits out in the vehicle, not quite ready to go in. She pulls out her phone. She still hadn’t read the message Liam sent her. She finally gets up enough courage to read it. Well, at least this message was better than the one he sent yesterday, more personal. Slowly she takes off her seatbelt, turns the car off, gets out of the car and gets Eleanor out of her seat.

Eleanor runs to the front door yelling “Daddy” all the way. Liam hears her and opens the door for her.

ELEANOR – DADDY!!!!

LIAM – There’s my sweet girl. (He hugs her tight as she jumps into his arms.) Have you been good while I was gone?

Eleanor turns to look at Heather, questioning in her eyes.

HEATHER – She’s been a perfect angel, as usual.

Eleanor grins widely.

LIAM – That’s good to hear. Ellie, could you take your things up to your room and play for a little bit?

ELEANOR – Ok daddy. Will you play with me later?

LIAM – Definitely.

Eleanor slowly works her way up the stairs to her room. Liam slowly reaches down to pick up the vase of peach roses, turns and holds them out to Heather.

LIAM – I got these for you. I know they’re your favorite color of roses.

HEATHER – Oh, thank you.

LIAM – Can we talk?

HEATHER – I guess.

Liam motions for Heather to follow him to the sitting room where they can sit down.

LIAM – I owe you a huge apology. Heather, I am so sorry I missed last night.

HEATHER – It’s not just last night, but yes, that was a big night to miss.

LIAM – I have been thinking all day about everything, and I have no excuse, no reason for how I’ve been acting. I do know that if I don’t do something soon to change, to fix things, that you won’t put up with it much longer. I don’t want to lose you, Heather.

HEATHER – I just keep trying to figure out what I did to make you want to be gone so much. What I could do different to make you want to stay.

LIAM – You haven’t done anything wrong. This is all my fault. Somehow I went against everything I promised you and let duty to the crown, the job, take over instead of putting you first.

HEATHER – I just don’t know if we can get back to what we had. We went through so much together the first couple years, but after all the near death plots and coups to take over the throne, when things got to an actual normal mode, things changed with us. It’s like without all the conspiracies and craziness, we have nothing else holding us together.

LIAM – We have plenty of things holding us together.

HEATHER – Besides Ellie, name one.

Liam sits looking at Heather, thinking. Several seconds go by.

HEATHER – Exactly my point.

LIAM – Heather, I do love you. With everything in me. I don’t want to lose you.

HEATHER – I love you too. Except for putting our lives in jeopardy again, I don’t know what to do to fix this though.

LIAM – I’m not giving up on us. We will fix this.

HEATHER – Liam, I appreciate the effort, I do. And I know we’ve been apart a lot, but I think I want to take Ellie on a trip for a while, just her and I.

LIAM – Oh, when would you leave?

HEATHER – I don’t know. Maybe in a couple days. That way you would have some time with Ellie.

LIAM – And so I can have time with you.

HEATHER – Liam…I’m glad you’re feeling guilty so to speak about being gone so much and wanting to change things, it’s just…I got so used to you ignoring me, I can’t let you back into my heart just like that.

LIAM – I understand, and I don’t expect things to be perfect right away. I am just asking for the chance to prove myself to you.

HEATHER – I…I just need time away from here.

Liam reaches over to touch Heather’s hand as tears begin to stream down her face. For a second she starts to pull away, but then allows him to hold her hand. His touch is gentle, nice. She missed this. She missed him. She looks up into his eyes and sees that he is crying too.

LIAM – Heather, I am so sorry. Please don’t go.

HEATHER – Liam…I…

LIAM – Wherever it is you want to go, we can go together. Just the three of us.

HEATHER – I don’t know.

LIAM – Just give me 24 hours. If you’re still ready to leave by this time tomorrow, then I won’t stop you. But for tonight, all I ask is that you let me try to make up to you.

HEATHER – One day. I will try to let my guard down for one day.

LIAM – That is all I ask. Would you like something for dinner?

HEATHER – There’s some leftover lasagna in the fridge we can heat up.

LIAM – Leftover?

HEATHER – I cooked lasagna for dinner last night, too much for two people apparently, so there’s still some left. I promise it’s good heated up the next day.

LIAM – You cooked dinner? I am the worst husband on the planet.

HEATHER – I’ll get Ellie if you can heat up the lasagna. We’ll meet in the dining room. Does that work? Or you can get Ellie and I’ll heat up dinner.

LIAM – If you don’t mind, I’m not very good around a microwave or stove.

HEATHER – Ok. Meet you in the dining room.

Heather heads to the kitchen and Liam heads upstairs to Ellie’s room. Ellie has built a castle out of her Legos.

ELEANOR – Look daddy, I made us a castle.

LIAM – That’s beautiful honey. Mommy’s making dinner for us. Are you hungry?

ELEANOR – So hungry. Last one there is a rotten egg!

Liam chases after Eleanor as she runs down to the dining room. When she reaches the bottom of the stairs Liam scoops her up and twirls her around. Eleanor laughs and squeals.

ELEANOR – I really missed you daddy.

LIAM – I missed you too.

Heather brings three plates of lasagna into the small dining room and the three of them sit down to eat.

ELEANOR – Mommy…so good!!

LIAM – Heather, this is amazing.

HEATHER – Thank you. I hoped you would like it.

LIAM – I love it. This is so much better than anything I have had in quite a while.

After they finish eating Heather and Liam take the plates to the kitchen. They send Eleanor to her room to play for a bit before bed time.

LIAM – I can wash the dishes if you want.

HEATHER – Do you know how?

LIAM – I can figure it out, I think.

HEATHER – Why don’t you go up and play with Ellie for a bit before her bed time. I’ll take care of the dishes.

LIAM – Are you sure?

HEATHER – Yes. I’m sure she’ll want to spend more time with you.

LIAM – If you would like some relaxation time, you could take a hot bath in the 3rd floor bathroom while Ellie and I play.

HEATHER – That actually sounds really good. Have fun. I’ll see you later.

LIAM – Definitely.

Liam heads up to Eleanor’s bedroom. Heather quickly washes the few dishes and heads up to the bathroom to run a hot bubble bath.

About an hour later Liam knocks on the bathroom door.

LIAM – Heather, may I come in?

HEATHER – Uh, sure.

LIAM – I wanted to check on you, see how you are doing.

HEATHER – Ha ha ha ha ha. I like your new crown. (Liam is wearing a large flowered hat)

LIAM – Huh? (reaching for his head) Oh. Yes. Ellie insisted we had to dress up for the tea party. I must have forgotten to take it off.

HEATHER – I’m glad you two had fun.

LIAM – Oh yes. She’s all tucked in, bedtime story read, and sleeping peacefully.

HEATHER – That’s good.

LIAM – Is there anything I can do for you? Would you like a massage? I vaguely remember someone telling me I was pretty good at giving massages.

HEATHER – I seem to recall something like that. Sure, if you want.

Liam pulls a chair from the vanity over behind the tub. Heather leans forward and sits up a bit so Liam can reach her shoulders and back. He starts rubbing her shoulders and neck, gently but with a little bit of pressure to create a relaxing sensation in her.

HEATHER – That feels really good.

LIAM – There is something I have been thinking about for a while, even more the past couple of days, that I wanted to discuss with you.

HEATHER – Ok?

LIAM – Perhaps here is not the best location?

HEATHER – Ah, you’re right. If you give me a couple minutes I could meet you in the bedroom. We could relax and watch a movie after we talk if you want.

LIAM – Watch a movie?

HEATHER – I may have put a TV in the bedroom while you were gone. I needed entertainment at night.

LIAM – Oh, that’s fine. That sounds nice.

A few minutes later Heather walks into the bedroom. Liam is sitting on the edge of the bed. He smiles when she walks in.

LIAM – You’re beautiful, you know that?

HEATHER – Uh, thanks. So what is it you wanted to talk about?

LIAM – Well, with all of the traveling I have done, I have been paying closer attention to the types of governments the various countries have, and thinking whether we should change what type of government we have here in Cordonia.

HEATHER – Wouldn’t that be a huge undertaking?

LIAM – Well, I was thinking of following what England has. They have a Parliament which pretty much runs everything, but the Queen still has a say in matters. I would like to meet with Queen Elizabeth and the Prime Minister to see if they could offer any advice, possible procedures to make the change, things like that.

HEATHER – I see. So, another trip away for you.

LIAM – Oh, not just me. I apologize, I didn’t mean for it to come out that way. This would affect all of us if we do this. I want you and Eleanor to be there as well. The two of you have just as much say in how we do things here as I do.

HEATHER – Ah. Well, I guess I should be impressed that you managed to be “just Liam” for six hours. I think that may be a new record.

LIAM – I…I don’t understand. I thought you would be happy.

HEATHER – Happy about discussing possible huge political changes in our country, changing the entire way things are done after you’ve only being home a few hours? You just can’t unplug for a day can you?

LIAM – I’m sorry, Heather. I just…I thought changing things, changing the responsibilities of the monarchy…my responsibilities…it would give us so much more time together as a family. We wouldn’t have to worry about the day to day governance, we could just be together.

HEATHER – So, your solution for us to spend more time together and be a family is to completely redesign our governmental system. Do you have any idea how difficult and time consuming that will be?

LIAM – I realize it would take a bit of time, but once everything is done, we’ll have so much more time together.

HEATHER – A bit of time? Are you seriously hearing yourself? This “change” would take years, Liam. This is not a quick overnight thing. We would have to review every single law ever written in Cordonia dating back to Kendra Ryhs, every Nevraskis stipulation, to make sure that we take every possibility into consideration. Then a whole new Constitution would need to be prepared defining how things are going to work. Who would approve the new Constitution? You would have to get approval from all the noble houses, which they will not be happy to relinquish their power. We would need to decide where this Parliament will meet, how often, and if a new building needs to be built. Who is allowed to be in Parliament? Are the members appointed by you, by the other nobles, are they elected by the public? How long are they allowed to serve? How much influence on decisions, law approval will they have? What happens if the initial system doesn’t work? Do we make changes or go back to a monarchy?

LIAM – I…I guess I didn’t really think this through all the way, did I? I just wanted to find a way to show you that I do want to be with you.

HEATHER – You want a way to show me that you want to be with me? Then just be with me. I don’t care what kind of government we have, how many meetings you have to go to, just make the effort to actually include me. You used to do that. Now, it just feels like you remember I’m here when it’s convenient for you. When you have a spare minute that’s not focused on conferences and trade agreements. I’m not some fragile little figurine that you bring out to display when you’re trying to show off.

LIAM – So, what do you want me to do to prove to you that I do want you, that I do love you.

HEATHER – Honestly? Stop being Constantine and start being Liam again.

LIAM – I…I didn’t realize I had gotten that bad. I’ll leave you to your television show.

Liam gets up and leaves the room heading down the hall to a guest room for the night. Heather turns on the TV to try to stop herself from thinking about how terrible the night just went. They both drift off to sleep…alone.

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erekiosuncreativeideas · 4 years

Text

Reliving An Old Nightmare - Chapter 20

<= Chapter 19

Summary : We get to know more about the origin of the time rift. And maybe another element which is probably irrelevant. Or not. Also available on AO3 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/22337299/chapters/58413415

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Oh, what do you know, another chapter, yaaay ! Also, I added more than 2000 words to this chapter today, so it's almost the longest one. Not quite, but almost.

Anyway, happy reading !

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Chapter 20

The manor was silent and the air was glacial, just like usual. It was dark, as always. The lonely Queen was in the kitchen, sitting at the dining table. A plate of frozen cookies was just in front of her, completely uneatable. She had done it again.

Vanessa stared at her monstrous hands then to her horrifying shadow visible on the wall. She gritted her teeth as her claws left marks on the wooden table. It was all his fault!

She hated him. But oh, she also loved him so, so much. She knew it didn’t make much sense but it was okay. Everything was fine. Her Prince had abandoned her for years but he would eventually come back to her. She was sure that, one day, he would come back and apologize for everything he had done to her. He would beg for her pardon. Alistel just refused to see the truth, for now, that was all.

Vanessa wasn’t hungry anymore. She barely was nowadays.

With a swift gesture, Vanessa threw the plate on the wall, hitting the place where her shadow was. She stood up abruptly, making the chair slide loudly on the brown tiles of the kitchen. A sudden rush of rage filled her, without knowing why exactly. But it could only be her Prince’s fault. It was always his fault. He was the one who had been seeing another woman, lying to her all this time, using her…

Now she was alone and it was so much better!

It wasn’t, but she tried to believe it anyway. She still longed to see her stubborn lover everyday, wishing he would come back home. Why was he so persistent of staying away from her when they were clearly made to be together? Why couldn’t he see it? She knew they were!

The Queen let out an animalistic growl. She supposed she could only wait for him to realize his past mistakes and take responsibility for it. How long, though? It had been hundreds of years and her dear fiance still hadn’t come back…

The woman huffed and puffed at the broken plate on the floor and to the impact the shock had made on the wall. She didn’t want to deal with it at the moment… In fact, she didn’t want to deal with anything. The Queen left the room, dragging her feet in the manor until she reached her bedroom on the second floor. She wasn’t tired but there wasn’t anything to do when she felt this depressed.

She opened the door and simply lied on the bed, without caring much about undressing. She wouldn’t fall asleep anyway, so what was the point? The Queen just put her twisted shadowy body under the warm covers, hunching her back even more as she did so. She could feel her bones cracking at the movement. Then… She just waited. At least, her dear precious fiance would see her in her dreams if she managed to fall asleep…

Vanessa didn’t expect it to be that easy. But soon, her consciousness drifted away as her body relaxed little by little. When she opened her red eyes again, a few hours later, she felt refreshed for a reason she couldn’t quite place. Her nap had been lively, as she could remember dreaming about something… Wonderful. But she didn’t remember, so it didn’t matter anymore. What mattered now was that she was back in this icy manor, alone, without her loved one to keep her company, even from the basement.

However, when she sat on the bed, she noticed something on the nightstand, something which hadn’t been there when she fell asleep. It was a page of her old diary, which had been ripped off. The said page was already full of her writing. Yet, something felt off: why was it here? She frowned, already thinking of one of the possibilities: did someone dare come into her home? A familiar feeling of anger engulfed her: who would come to her manor and mess with her? She had no intention of letting the reckless idiot leave… Not alive anyway.

But as she clenched the piece of paper with rage, she suddenly realized that something has been written vertically on the edge of the page. The Queen squitted to read it, yet it was a bit too dark to decipher it. She could at least recognize her handwriting, but… She had never written that. And there was no way she would forget something like this!

Very much startled by what she had discovered, the Queen looked clumsily into her nightstand for some matchsticks, making most of them fall onto the floor. Once she held one firmly, she lit the candle next to her and brought the paper closer to the light to read whatever was written on the paper.

However, what she read was very different than everything she was expecting :

“Dear Queen Vanessa, you do not know me yet, but I know you are in great pain. I am offering my services to help you get what you wish the most. Especially who you wish the most. If you are interested, please leave several blank pieces of paper on your nightstand and I will describe how I might help the next time you go to sleep. If, on the contrary, you do not want my help, you just have to burn this page. In that case, I will not contact you ever again. I hope this note finds you well.”

This was all. The woman turned the page over but there were no other message hidden on the opposite side. Her eyes stared at the note in bewilderment: this was clearly a message from someone, but this was her handwriting. Did someone try to imitate it? But what for? And who?

Though, that wasn’t what was occupying the Queen’s mind. The person who wrote this message clearly knew something about her relationship with Alistel. Who were they? A feeling of anger and frustration settled over her as she tried to guess in vain. She had killed everyone, there was no one left who could have given her such a message…

Except for Alistel himself. He knew her handwriting, he knew where she used to keep her diary… But why? This didn’t make any sense.

But it didn’t matter anyway. It was all a joke, wasn’t it? If Alistel was the one who wrote that note… Vanessa was sure he just wanted to mess with her. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have left after putting the message on her nightstand.

So the woman did the only thing which seemed reasonable at the moment: she held the note out to the fire, ready to follow the instructions on the note if it meant Alistel wouldn’t try to prank her. She wanted her prince to come back and apologize, not to mess with her.

But just before the fire could reach the page, Vanessa stopped. Her arm remained completely motionless, holding the piece of paper in the air. She wanted to burn it, she wanted to destroy this joke… Yet she was unable to. While the rational part of her brain thought her hesitation was stupid, the other part of her mind couldn’t help but formulate a small and quiet “what if?”. What would happen if she left more paper on her nightstand instead of burning the page? What would change?

Would Alistel come back to her? Could it be his way to reach her again?

A few seconds passed, silently, before the Queen lowered her arm, setting the page on the nightstand again. This was absolutely ridiculous, she didn’t even know why she couldn’t destroy a single piece of paper! But she couldn’t ignore the feeling of hope emerging in her. She frowned at all her conflicting thoughts, not knowing what to do with herself now. She felt both nervous and excited at the same time, thinking about the note.

Was it a joke? Or… Was it true? There was only one way to find out.

Vanessa got up, stretching her old body, hearing more and more cracks as she did so. The first thing she did after getting up was fetching a few blank pages and putting them on her nightstand, with a quill and ink. If this was true… Then ignoring such an opportunity was out of the question.

The “day” after seemed to last centuries for the Queen. Well, it was always nighttime in Subcon, due to Alistel’s… Bad influence on the forest. Still, she wanted it to be over as fast as possible so she could get answers. She spent the whole day being fidgety, walking in the corridors of her home just so she could occupy herself. There wasn’t much to do anyway and what she could do was not enough to take her mind off the note.

She couldn’t wait to know. She needed to know.

After an unbearable wait, the woman felt tired enough to go to bed once again. However, she was much too excited to fall asleep right away. She didn’t really know how many hours she had had to wait until she felt her consciousness drift away once again… But after a while, she relaxed and fell asleep.

Once more, she dreamt of something colourful she couldn’t remember when she woke up. Smudges of red, blue, and yellow were all she could recall. But it wasn’t really important to her once she came back to reality: what mattered was the pages on the nightstand. And, just like she had expected, a longer message had been written on the previously blank pages. She immediately lighted up the candle next to her and started to read:

“I am glad to see you are interested in my help. Just like I promised, here is how I can assist you: there is a powerful artefact in Subcon Forest, which comes from a world far, far away from ours. It looks like a gigantic and broken hourglass, which pieces have been scattered all around the forest. Such an artefact can be used to rewind time, from mere seconds to centuries.”

Vanessa’s eyes widened at the words. An object that could rewind time? This… Couldn’t be true, could it? Was Alistel just messing with her again? Yet, she had the feeling deep inside that her prince wasn’t the one behind this.

This wasn’t like him. No matter how much he had possibly changed through all those years without her good influence… Such words would certainly not come from him. But then… Whose words were these? She continued reading, feeling her nervousness replacing her previous excitement:

“However, broken like it is, it is perfectly useless. It simply stays unmoving, untouched by the effect of time itself. But there is a way to fix it. If every part of the hourglass is taken back to its core, the artefact should reform. It is currently huge, but it will shrink back to its normal size. Once it is back to its former shape, I will be able to help you. But… Be careful.”

Vanessa gulped as she read the last sentences, feeling her hands shake from the emotions engulfing her at the explanations:

“Do not break it again. Otherwise, it will be permanently broken and unusable. You do not want that, do you? Once it is complete again, bring it back to the manor, on your nightstand. I will then take care of everything for you. You will not have to worry about a single thing.”

The note ended here. Once again, Vanessa examined the pages thoroughly, but didn’t find any other message. She remained motionless for a few minutes, her eyes fixed on the note before her. Could it be true? Would she be able to fix all of Alistel’s mistakes if she followed the instructions?

Given how stubborn her prince was about accepting his responsibilities… She didn’t have much of a choice, did she? Maybe she could help him to realize that his place was with her, an not with anyone else.

She nodded to herself, before putting the notes back on the nightstand. She stared into space as her mind filled itself with many thoughts. An artefact in Subcon Forest? Pieces scattered all around? She thought about it, imagining all the ways she could use to find them. She couldn’t fetch them in person… Alistel wouldn’t let her cross the broken bridge. However… She still had some ice statues obeying her, even in her fiance’s part of the forest.

This was her only possibility.

She nodded once again, speaking aloud just in case the person helping her would be able to hear her words:

-“I will find those shards and bring the artefact to you once it’s fixed,” she promised, closing her eyes as she spoke.

And sending the ice statues was what she did. Most were successful, others… Not so much. But after a few days, the animated objects managed to bring all the pieces back to the core. She had instructed her statues to be extremely careful with the hourglass, yet she couldn’t help but be a nervous mess at the thought of breaking her only chance of seeing Alistel again.

However, contrary to her fears, one of the ice statues came back, the artefact in his strong and hard hands. It had knocked on the front door and the Queen had rushed to take the object as fast as she could. She then did her best to stay calm, to avoid stupid risks. What would she do if the hourglass hit the floor and broke? She didn’t want all her efforts and hopes to go to waste!

Vanessa looked at the hourglass, filled with wonder at the sight of the shiny artefact. It was filled with a glowy kind of sand. Though, when she saw her reflection on the glass, she stopped examining it. She didn’t want to see herself. Not with her current appearance.

Filled with a whole new determination, she came back to her room with a light skip, too much excited to hold herself back. She hadn’t been so happy since… Since… She didn’t want to think about it. She wouldn’t let her memories ruin how relieved and joyful she felt at the moment!

She entered her room and exclaimed excitedly:

-“I have it!” she said, lifting the hourglass as she continued: “I did it!” But no one was there to answer her. Of course, her secret helper could only talk to her while she was sleeping, right? This was okay. All she needed to do was to go to bed and wait for her body to relax. She could do that!

She gently put the hourglass down on the table near her bed and lied under the cover. She was much too excited to fall asleep but she knew it would happen anyway. In the meantime, she simply imagined what would happen once she would wake up. Oh, she just couldn’t wait! She found herself smiling and giggling under the cover, like a child waiting for Christmas. She was so happy, so overjoyed!

She was going to see Alistel again… And everything would be back just like before.

Finally, after what seemed hours to Vanessa, she felt her mind slowly drifting towards unconsciousness. Just before falling in a deep sleep, she heard an evil laugh resonating in her head, as if she had just imagined it. But she was too tired to pay attention to it and everything went black.

When she woke up, she had all forgotten about the cruel laugh. She opened her eyes slowly and squinted not to be blinded by the light.

The light? Vanessa’s attention was immediately caught. It was never daytime in Subcon.

She was sleeping in her bed but… It was sunny outside. The Queen could hear birds chirping, people walking and talking quietly behind her door. She was in her room, just like it had been when everything was still fine.

It had worked!

She sat up instantly, looking all around her with wonder and amazement. How could this be possible? It was unimaginable! And yet, it was happening! A nervous and excited laugh escaped from her mouth as she examined everything. And then, she saw her hands, human hands-

-“Oh…” Vanessa felt her eyes water at the realization. She brought one of her hands to her mouth to stop herself from crying… But all she felt was more skin on her face. She touched every part of her head, trying to convince herself that this was real, that she wasn’t dreaming. She could feel her fingers touching hair, her soft blonde hair! Her body was not twisted anymore either!

She laughed gleefully as happy tears rolled on her cheeks: it had truly worked! She was human again!

It is with this thought that she realized the most important thing: if she was human again, then… Alistel was alive again too.

As more tears left her eyes, she heard a soft knock on her bedroom door. The sudden noise made her jump and she stopped touching her face, bringing her hands down quickly. She remained hesitant for a few seconds before finding the courage to talk, and her voice sounded so much more human now!

-“Y-yes?”

The door opened, revealing a face very familiar to Vanessa. It was… Her family’s butler, back when she was alive. She recognized his salt and pepper hair, his uniform, his very straight posture… And the woman remembered his name too.

-“Simeon?” she asked, though very anxious. It had been centuries since her last conversation with another living being… How did one talk to someone else without looking weird?

The man came inside and closed the door behind him. He then smiled at her in a very gentle way and opened his mouth:

-“Not exactly, my Queen,” he replied, always smiling. The woman frowned in confusion but the man quickly added: “I may look like your old servant, yet I am a very different person. How are you feeling?”

This way of talking, his claims…! She guessed who it was. The man in front of her was not her old butler but her secret helper! Her eyes widened at the constatation and the other’s smile grew larger as he saw she finally understood.

-“G-good,” she answered, though speaking was a bit hard for the moment. It was too many emotions at the same time! But she did manage to ask the question that had been on her lips for a so long: “But… Who are you?”

The “butler” nodded, visibly happy of her answer. He then closed his eyes and bowed down slightly in a very elegant manner, before properly introducing himself to her:

-“I am very happy to know I was able to help you, my Queen. As for who I am…”

The man opened his eyes once again, revealing red irises staring directly at her.

-“You may call me Moonjumper.”

-----------------------

Vanessa’s dreams had been extremely colourful and marvellous at first. Everything was so perfect! Her lover was brought back to life, his mistake had been fixed, she had even forgiven him! Everything could be just like before! The first day, she had spent hours looking herself into a mirror, changing dresses after dresses, loving how human she looked like. She was amazed to walk in the manor, this house where she had been so alone for years, and see her old servants, alive and well! No intruders she had to murder (because they deserved it of course), but actual people who once were a part of her life!

Then she went outside, to explore the village, the untouched and undamaged village. There were so many people walking right next to her, their smells passing by, children running around while laughing! It was surreal. Everyone had been waving at her, smiling at her! She was being loved again!

Somehow, this made the Queen feel extremely strange. It was like she felt relieved, yet she had no idea why at the time. Simeon, or Moonjumper, had told her it might be quite a shock to see such a different version of the world she had come to know. So, with that in mind, she just assumed that she had this weird feeling because of that.

Her accomplice had also warned her about her emotions and what they could cause but why would he tell her such a thing? She only felt pure happiness at that particular moment! She was so overjoyed! Or, at least, that’s what she had believed until she saw a carriage passing right next to her.

Her eyes met her prince’s, who was inside, and her heart almost stopped at the shock. It only lasted a second, as the carriage quickly faded in the distance, but it had a powerful effect for Vanessa. As for her, she only stood still, staring into space as her mind was full of conflicted thoughts. Seeing the face of her loved one took her by surprise but why wasn’t she feeling so happy at the moment? Why was she so petrified?

The Queen noticed a bit too late that she had stopped moving for a few minutes and that she had been hyperventilating. Her heartbeat was fast and she suddenly put her hands over her chest, trying to reassure herself. Apparently, no one noticed her standing in the middle of the way.

It was fine! Everything was perfect! She had fixed everything Alistel did in the past! So why was she feeling this way?

“I’m… I’m happy!” she told herself as if she was reasoning with her own mind: “Alistel is back! He’s alive again! So I should be happy! Right?”

Though, it didn’t make her feel any much better, as doubts engulfed her. He wouldn’t remember… Would he? She shook her head. No, of course, he wouldn’t! Simeon had told her everything would be perfect, just like she had always wanted! She had the opportunity to make things better for Alistel this time! She would just shower him with even more love so he wouldn’t leave her for someone else!

And… Maybe close a flower shop or two before doing anything, just in case. No one would notice anything anyway. All that mattered now… Was her prince’s love for her and their “happy ever after”. Nothing else.

She then proceeded to run in the direction of the manor, not noticing the small trail of ice she was leaving behind her.

-----------------

Well… That was what she had thought at the time but it had been easier said than done. First of all… Alistel remembered. Not only that but he had remembered everything, even after his death. At first, he had tried to fool her, though, for some reason, Vanessa knew. The way he looked at her, the way he avoided her touches or her affectionate gestures… She knew he had to remember. And when she tried to confront him about this, it had only confirmed her deepest fears.

How could she fix all of his mistakes if he remembered? What if he still wanted to leave her?

Of course, the Queen had come right at Simeon the second she thought about it, but the man had just told her not to worry about it, that it would be solved soon. But how? How could it be solved? She had tried to explain her doubts once again, but… For the first time, her accomplice had stopped smiling and had ordered her to stop mopping and enjoy what he had done for her.

This should have really made her think. But it didn’t. Maybe because she didn’t want to believe that something was wrong.

Then she had snapped at Alistel, only to be strongly reprimanded by her dear friend Simeon. The man who had made her come back to the past had changed his attitude with her so quickly… And somehow, she still didn’t want to even think about the possibility of having been manipulated.

And then… She had hurt her Prince. It was an accident! But the injury was there to prove she had still done it. The way he looked at her, so afraid of her… It had made her come back to reality as she crumpled in apologies. But it was still too late. Guilt crushed her instantly and when Alistel’s parents came into the room… It was too much. All she could do was flee.

It was all she was good for, wasn’t she? Fleeing. Hurting people. Wasn’t it the reason her dear prince left her in the first place? But that thought quickly disappeared as she tried to push the guilty thoughts out of her mind. She was trying to fix things! She couldn’t be the one at fault if she was fixing things!

She spent the whole day crying in her room after that, only to learn a few hours later that her loved one had left her once again. It should have crushed her feelings even more but somehow, it only made her livid. How dared he leave her again? After everything she did to make things right again!

But of course, he came back to her, just like she had expected. But he still didn’t understand. He would never understand, would he? They argued once again, only for Simeon to interrupt them and send Alistel away to scold her once more.

For a moment, she had felt like her mother was standing right in front of her. It only made her feel bad about her new outburst. New thoughts of guilt invaded her mind: “I’m just a failure, aren’t I?”, “it’s wrong, it’s all wrong, what are you doing?” or, the worst one, “he’s never going to love you again”.

But why? Everything she did had been right! Except, the more she tried to convince herself, the faker it sounded to her. And the distortions she had seen everywhere only intensified her fears about Alistel being right. But once again, she shut those thoughts up. Simeon also assured her it was only temporary, that time travel was an unstable process… So Alistel couldn’t be right! If he was, then… Then she had done terrible things for nothing. But it didn’t matter, because what she did had been justified!

Except it hadn’t been.

The dinner she had with Alistel only made things worse. She didn’t want to believe him! Everything couldn’t be fake! She hadn’t been manipulated! Those were all desperate thoughts she had when Alistel argued with her, again. She didn’t want everything to be fake! So she had another outburst, demanding him to leave, because she couldn’t stand looking at his disappointed face anymore.

He didn’t love her anymore. No matter what she would do… He hated her.

The realization hit her with an extreme violence, making her cry more than she thought it would. But it was just the worst thing she could have ever thought about. She cried and cried and cried, only to be interrupted by Simeon.

-“Everything is going to be okay,” he had said to her, rubbing her shoulder in a way that was way too nice for someone who had snapped at her a few hours earlier. But Vanessa didn’t care. All she wanted at the moment was comfort, to hear she wasn’t the reason her dear prince hated her. Simeon said nothing else, just smiled at her and sent her to her room so she could “rest”. She just nodded, giving up any hopes for comfort as she stood up and went to her bedroom.

And then, she cried herself to sleep.

--------------------------------

Vanessa’s dreams were not happy and peaceful anymore. The more time had passed, the worst her dreams had become. This night was no exception. However, when screams woke her up from her current nightmare, echoing in the entire manor, the Queen panicked, absolutely taken aback. She sat up in her bed, confused, but it hit her after a few seconds.

Those screams were Alistel’s. She could recognize them perfectly because they sounded like the ones when-

“Oh no. Oh no no no no no!”

Fear engulfed her and she jumped out of her bed. Why? How?

She didn’t take the time to dress up and left her room, still wearing her nightshirt. The Queen ran to the stairs, only to be stopped as a figure crossed her path. Simeon.

-“May I know where you are going?” asked the fake butler, wearing an awful smile that only made Vanessa’s fears and emotions worse. Her body was becoming colder and colder as mixed feelings such as confusion, fear, anxiousness and anger were fighting for dominance in her mind. Anger won in a blink.

-“What did you do?” countered the woman, livid. She hadn’t planned this! She hadn’t wanted any of this to happen again!

Her accomplice’s smile widened at her question as if it were just a game for him. He let out a malevolent scoff and he answered, with a light and innocent tone:

-“Nothing!” Alistel’s screams echoed in the manor once again and he had to continue: “Oh, you mean this?”

-“Don’t you dare play dumb with me!” yelled the Queen, feeling her hands grow colder and colder again. Her own scream resonated in the hallway as a light layer of ice materialized on the wall next to her. The Queen jumped and stared at the wall, horrified. She didn’t mean for this to happen!

She glanced at her own hands, guilty, only to notice that they didn’t look human anymore.

-“Wh-what?” mumbled Vanessa, as she stared at her hands in bewilderment and confusion. She glanced back up to Simeon, who didn’t seem surprised. He hadn’t even been troubled by her outburst!

-“I told you to keep your emotions under control,” reprimanded the fake butler as if he were talking to a child: “Go back to sleep, it’ll be gone in the morning.”

Vanessa could see how he was trying to keep her from going down to the basement. It was just painfully obvious!

-“Move,” she warned, as she tried to walk next to him, only to be stopped by his arm taking hers, preventing her from moving further.

-“No, I think you should listen to me,” retorted her friend, with a fake friendly tone, very much threatening: “Your dear prince tried to destroy everything we worked for. He has even been helped by a little girl!” the man laughed at the ridiculous situation: “Well, she almost got me, so she’s not that defenceless. Thankfully, I took her hat away, so she’s no threat to us now.”

He paused and continued, as Vanessa was trying to process what she had just heard:

-“I just put them in the cellar for the night, don’t worry,” he tried to reassure her, though all his words seemed fake: “It’ll all be better in the morning! Go back to sleep, now.”

Hearing about her loved one trying to leave once again… The Queen felt her emotions engulfed her once more, as the air cooled down again around them. He tried to leave her again?

Guilt was crushing her, ten times worse than all she had felt in the last few days. Her body was shaking now and she was hyperventilating again. The only thing taking her back to reality was the moment Simeon put his hands on her trembling shoulders.

-“Come on, Vanessa. It’s going to be okay, I promise,” said her accomplice with a sweet little voice: “Trust me. I promise everything will be back to normal tomorrow!” Then, he added with an evil voice: “Or are you going to keep destroying all the things I made for you? Is this what you’re going to do?”

The words hit Vanessa like a train. She wasn’t a failure! She wasn’t! She just wanted to make things right!

Tears started to appear on her face as she simply nodded her head, unconvinced by his claims. How could everything be back to normal after this? Alistel would never forgive her.

He had never forgiven her anyway.

-“Good!” exclaimed the man, smiling again: “Let me take you back to your room, then!”

Simeon guided her back to her room, while she simply obeyed, devastated by everything happening around her. And when she heard her prince’s screams echoing in the mansion again…

She knew she couldn’t delude herself anymore. She had to do something, even if it had to be in Simeon’s back. She had always wanted to fix everything, only to hurt more and more people in the process… And now, she had an opportunity to make things right. A real opportunity to fix not Alistel’s mistakes, but hers.

She couldn’t lie to herself anymore.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Chapter 21 =>

#A Hat In Time #Reliving An Old Nightmare #Raon #snatcher #vanessa #fanfiction #my art #ahit

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loveisbraveandwild · 5 years

Text

Hi! This is my “how i met taylor swift” story! i’ll never be able to express how much the privilege of being invited by taylor herself into her home to hear the lover album early, eat her rice krispy treats, and tell her i’m proud of her means to me, but here’s my attempt at least telling the story. it’s a long story so if you hate reading click here to watch the video i made about it!

At 5:30pm on July 21st, I was sitting in my bed on tumblr and a message pops up on my screen that says “Taylor Nation CONFIDENTIAL MESSAGE.” Me, not trusting anyone on this site, clicked it thinking it was fake there’s no frickin way i got the dm. I read the url and the message about four times until i finally sat up out of my bed and immediately text sam, my best friend in the whole world. she texts me back in all caps, as a real friend does, and then she facetimes me. I missed what she first said but i will never forget her saying “i got mine on twitter.” After talking to her on the phone, i finally reply to tn.

monday and tuesday go by and nothing happens. on wednesday at 2:54pm I text sam “tn forgot about us” then at 2:57 my long live ringtone started blaring and i pick up and this guy is like “is this grace ----” and im like yes and he says “this is x with taylor nation.” ive never jumped up and screeched louder in my life. he tells me our conversation is confidential, confirms where i’m from, and then asks me if i can go to rhode island. here’s my reaction to my phone call.

on friday, whilst in target, having saved taylor nation’s number in my phone, i get another phone call from them. they tell me the original location has been leaked and ask me if i can get to nashville. i’ll never be able to emphasize how grateful and privileged i feel to not only be able to have gone to sessions but to be able to say yes without needing to confirm anything with my parents and to be able to change my plans, after having booked a flight to RI (don’t worry i got a full refund!)

the following saturday i woke up at 3::30am to catch a flight to nashville. sam and my flight got in 4 minutes apart from each other. the rest of the day is a story for another time but basically i freaked out because i met about 2 dozen other swifties that i’ve been friends with for a long time. i had lunch and dinner with them, we went to the taylor swift education center, and we hung out in the hotel together. the day ended with me meeting emma, someone who i hardly interacted with but admired so much because of her blog.

sunday morning we woke up and freaked out and spent the morning trying to stomach food and getting ready. then we went to the hotel and got to the meet up spot at 3:15ish. there were so many people i knew there and it was the craziest experience ever. at 4 a woman from tn comes up and gets us and steals our phones, etc. an hour later they bring us out to the buses and that’s when i started to get really, really overwhelmed and start crying. i would have fallen to my knees if sam hadn’t caught me.

i’m the last person off the second bus and we round the corner and once again, i start crying. fast forward and we’re in line for food (which i did not eat) and i see these adorable little labels for the food that look like taylor’s handwriting, once again, sobbing. i turn to sam and say “she loves us so much.” even if she didn’t write those cards, someone took the time to sit down and hand write them and even the smallest act went the longest way for me.

we get in line to enter the room and about 30 minutes later they open the doors. five minutes later she jumped out and says “hey guys!” she looked the exact same as she does on my computer screen, fake. her hair was perfect, she was tall (not as tall as i imagined though), smiling, beautiful, gorgeous, all the good things. she then tells us not to share anything that happens in this room and when taylor looks you in the eye and tells you to do something you do it.

half way through we take a little break and sam and i are in line for the bathroom when i see people coming back in the session room i immediately tell sam to sit down and we do, not moving an inch. front. row. seats. two feet away from her chair is probably an overstatement. i don’t know how it happened but we were two frickin feet away from where she was sitting. she comes back and plays the rest of the album.

then they take the minors first and then the ~adults alphabetically. my last name starts with a B but i still didn’t meet her until about 1:30am on august 5th. when they open the door and call me in i see her reflection and she’s like dancing? i look to my laugh and there she is, im crying writing this, like real tears.

i want to keep most of our conversation private but she immediately said “Hi Gracie!” when i talked in. i heard stories than when you hug taylor swift she never lets go first, this is indeed true. i told her i loved her in her ear while we were hugging and she said it back. then she told me she knew a selfie i had posted but she had never liked and i freaked out. i told her i’m studying political science and gender studies and i want to run for office one day and she was so excited and proud of me. i thanked her for my first notice when she put me on her story and told her why my favorite taylor song is my favorite taylor song. we talked a little bit about the album and she told me she was proud of me twice and i told her i was proud of her twice. we took our picture and she let me make sure i liked it and the only thing i remember is seeing my smile and being like “thats it” because i looked had never smiled so big.

the next day taylor posted a picture wearing the bracelet i gave her when told her i was bi and thanked her for her allyship and i just about passed out. i spent the day in nashville and got to open my picture at!!! the!! bluebird!! cafe!!! click here for some soft video content of it!

this entire experience was a whirlwind from start to finish and i wouldnt change a second of it. taylor, on the off chance that you see this, and on the bigger off chance that you read this, thank you. being able to look you in the eyes and tell you how proud i am of you is something i’ve dreamt about since i was about ten years old. i never thought i would be able to do it. thank you for inviting me into one of your most intimate spaces, entrusting me with your art, and ranting about politics and gender studies with me. thank you for baking for me and for introducing me to my best friends. i wouldnt be nearly as confident, stable, happy, or supported without you and the people you’ve brought into my life. i love you so much!

#theloversecretsessions

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hidden-behind-the-fourth-wall · 5 years

Text

Home - Chapter 2

Pairing: Steve Rogers x F!Reader\

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, a little bit of smut, swear words - like seriously Language, Cap!

Summary: A month. It has been a month since Steve left leaving you nothing but a short letter. You are more than excited to see him.

A/N: So yeah! I would never expected that the first part would get so much recognition and love. I am so happy! So I wrote this part two. Because I could not decide whether I would like to end it with an angst or fluffy Cap, I decieed to do BOTH. Yep... well. Hope you ejoy it at least as half as you did the first part. @ @imanuglywombat is ok to add up to the challenge as one work :P

HUGE, thank you to the amazing @andromedahereicome for being my beta reader! You rock!

Word count: 3500+

A month. You waited a whole month. Long, exaggerating and exhausting. You had no message from any of the three, no phone call, no letter. Nothing that would tell you that they were alright. The only thing that kept you sane was the fact that you were able to hack their phones and knew that they were still on the move. All three people you cared about so dearly: Natasha, that has become like a sister, Sam who was always able to make you smile and him. Damn Steve Rogers, with whom you fell in love.

So by the end of the month you decided to make a huge “welcome back” dinner. For the three of them. You made sure to make a favourite dish each. You bought a bottle of good wine and couple of boxes of beers for the boys and waited excitedly for their arrival. You waited until it was eight in the morning when you became aware that they were not coming. You checked your phone couple of times, your emails, but there was no message. There was no message from any of them. No message from Steve.

You weren’t mad, really. You understood. They were away doing some kind of mission and did not want to compromise it by sending a stupid text. You wanted them to be safe. You really understood. At least you tried. You tried to not feel disappointed when you packed all the food into the freezer. You tried not to overthink when you put all the alcohol in the basement. You really tried not fall apart because of something as stupid as a man.

But you couldn’t. As much as you knew how pathetic it made you look and feel, you couldn’t help but fall on your pillow and just cry, because there was just something inside of you saying, that if he really tried and wanted to contact you, he would have been able to. So you just laid in your bed, thinking about the man that you gave your heart to. A man that chose not to come back to you.

“You are a coward, Rogers”, the blonde sighed deeply preparing himself for the talk. He knew the woman enough to understand when she was pissed at him. For instance, calling him by his name was one of the ‘symptoms’.

“We would put her in danger, Natasha. Please tell me how does that make me a coward?” He calmly asked, navigating the jet for one of their safe houses. Sam was sitting behind them listening to the exchange, fighting with himself not to message you. But he promised Steve that he would not.

“You know that the ‘danger’ bullshit is just a cover for your fear of actually committing to someone.” She raised her hand when he tried to say something. “For the first time since you woke up from the ice you were given an opportunity of a normal life. A life that Tony was always tormenting you about.” Her voice became softer when she spoke again. “I understand that it is scary. Being a normal guy. A man with a house, a woman by your side and, maybe one day, even a normal job. Who knows where life would bring us.” Her hand landed on his thigh, but he didn't shift, didn't even take his eyes of the road. “I know you are scared to even think about the possibility of being happy, when you blame yourself for everything that happened with the Accords. But Steve, no one blames you. We all decided for ourselves. It was our decision. Plus…” She took a deep breath and took her hand away, looking at her phone. “The only person you are really punishing now is her. She doesn’t know why you’re about to break your promise, why you never contacted her. She may look like a tough cookie, but Steve, she is a broken glass. And trust me with this.” She got up and put a hand on his tensed shoulders. “When someone as broken as she gives someone her heart, it’s a huge step.” Captain looked up wanting to say something, but decided to stay quiet seeing Nat’s look. She smiled sadly at him and sat next to Sam, who just shook his head at his friend, as a symbol that he thought the same as Romanoff.

Steven Grant Rogers was never good with women. In the 40’s he was a skinny nobody. A sickly boy who could not even stand a chance in the alley fight. Always defended by Bucky, he never dreamt that any girl would ever look his way. Even during double dates that Barnes tried to set him up on, he was always just a shadow ignored by the dame, who was more interested in his friend than him.

But then he went to the army and met her. Agent Carter. Peggy. The most amazing, fierce in the most sexy way possible, and beautiful gal he ever met. She saw him as more than this skinny nobody. She saw the potential in him, the same as dr Erskine had. She was by his side when he was injected by the serum, when he disobeyed the orders to go find Bucky, when he lost his best friend, and (she was with him) till the last minute, until the plane crashed. He fell in love with her quickly and deeply. His first love. When he woke up 70 years later the only thing he thought about was the date he had missed with the love of his life.

When he finally found her she was an old, dying lady. But still as beautiful as he remembered her. Still as witty and cheeky as those 70 years ago. But she was a mother and a wife to some other man. She wasn’t his. He lost his chance to be with the love of his life. At the funeral… No, still in the hospital when he saw the tears in her eyes, he realized that he would never be happy again. Not with any other woman. His love, his soul mate, as he stupidity believed, was gone. He decided to dedicate himself to work or whatever that was, and deal with the fact that love was not for him. Not anymore. He had his chance and it blew.

But there you were. You were there for him when he didn’t even notice. You were the one who found Peggy for him, you were the one that saved their asses in Washington. And you continued to be there for him. You went against Tony, against Ross, the government, the UN. Everyone. You went with him and welcomed him to your home. Your get-away from the harsh world, from reality. You told him about your family, fears, favourite colour, how you hated tomatoes but you loved ketchup, spaghetti and bloody Mary. How you always have wanted to have a dog and a lizard, but because of the job you never could.

One night, when he was falling asleep, he realised with pure fear that he was falling for you. For this normal, amazing, sweet and beautiful from inside and out woman. You were different from Peggy, but in this positive way. You were different. Different from anything he has ever met. He felt calm and safe with you. He felt domestic when you cooked him dinner, or when you just sat on the couch and read a book. He loved when you read to him some of the poetry from the times he missed. He loved your voice. So soothing and calm. He remembered always falling asleep with his head on your knees. Your hands gently stroking his hair. You always sat there, letting him sleep. No matter how uncomfortable it was.

And then the kiss happened. The electricity he felt when your lips met was something he had never experienced before. Not even with Peggy. And it scared him. He feared this feeling so much, that when he felt your hands on his belt he froze and panicked. It was going too fast.

He expected to see the disappointment and anger in your eyes when he pulled away. But you only smiled at him and gave him one of your lovely gazes. You made him relax and forget about the embarrassment he felt. You were so patient and understanding that it drove him crazy. Because he was already so in love with you. And when you were both watching an awful movie, and your hand was moving so close to his aching cock he couldn’t take it any longer. He he made love to you and believed, at the time, that everything will work out.

But everything changed when he woke up and noticed a message from Sam about ‘needing him ASAP’. It was then that he realised that a normal, domestic life was not for him. He was a soldier, a fugitive, a criminal. He could not pull you into this world. You were too innocent, too sweet to follow him into this darkness. So he packed, and leaving only a letter, he stepped out of the house, without even a goodbye kiss.

When he wrote that letter he hoped that maybe he will change his mind. Maybe something will change and he would come back and just be with you. Have this damn, beautiful life Stark could not shut up about. He wanted it, but he knew it wasn’t for him.

He hated himself when he asked Sam and Nat not to contact you. He knew they were your friends, and that you meant a lot to them. But he practically begged them. He told them about the time you spent together, the kiss, the night and the letter. They were not happy with it, but decided to accept his request. He knew it pained them greatly not to talk to you, but he thought it was what was best for you.

He felt even worse when Natasha finally decided to talk to him. He never thought that he hurt you so much. He hoped that his actions would bring you peace. But seeing your crying face rested on the bed you both once shared pained him so much. He watched you from the shadow, when you prepared the dinner and then cleaned it up. How many times did he want to just walk to you and pull you into his arms and spend the rest of his life with you. He wanted it so badly, but the fear of actually hurting you was too much for him. He was scared. Afraid for you.

But there you were. All in tears. Laying in that bed that held this one amazing memory. Your body, the way you smiled at him when he kissed you harder and more passionate than anytime before. The way you looked at him when you took his clothes off, and let him do the same to yours. They way your lips curled around his cock bringing him the pleasure he has never experienced before. The way you swallowed him with this beautiful smile and stars in your eyes. The way you experienced his body, inch by inch, and enjoyed every minute of it.

He remembered the silkiness of your skin, the flavoured he cherished so much when he tasted you. The moans that you made, those beautiful noises that made him want more and more with every swipe of his tongue. And this alluring side of you when you came groaning his name. He never felt so proud as he felt in that moment. He never felt as happy as when you turned him on his back and slowly, enjoying every stretch, you sat on his burying himself in your tight pussy. The feeling of your walls clenching his cock made him go over the moon, and oh the fear of finishing it too quickly. But one look over your blessed face and he knew he wanted to give you pleasure, hear you call his name again, listen to those moans and whines. He never knew he could make a woman so happy, and the thought of bringing tears to your eyes when you came again was everything to him.

THE ANGST:

He wanted you to be happy. He wanted you to be safe and start everything over. Without him being the barrier. He hoped that one day you would be able to forgive him and go on with your life. Even if it meant with someone else.

So he took the last glance your way. The glance he would cherish till the end of his life. The glance that would haunt him forever as the picture of how much he hurt you. Remembering the laughs and subtle smiles you gave him, he took the letter he wrote to you and shoved it through the doors.

And with his heart breaking piece by piece, he turned on his heel and left, agreed with Natasha, he was a cowards.

You didn’t know what time it was when you woke up, but the sun was almost down and you felt even more tired than before sleeping. Your eyes hurt from crying, and your head felt heavy. You walked down the stairs and the first thing you saw was an envelope with your name on it under the doors.

You opened it and your heart froze when you recognised the handwriting. Steve. You suppressed the tears and started reading.

Sweetheart,

God I don’t think I have a right to call you that anymore. Nat called me a coward, but I think a jerk would be a better term. Jesus, I miss you so much, and I wished that I was able to just get my head out of my ass and just stay here with you, in this beautiful house and call it home.

But I can’t. Y/N, sweetheart, the love of my life. After Peggy i never thought I would be able to call anyone like that. But here you are. This amazing human being. You see me not as a Captain, but Steve Rogers. You probably know me better than anyone, including me. This is why I hope you will understand why I have to do this.

Being with you would probably be the best thing that would ever happen in my life. Writing this I can imagine myself waking up to see that beautiful face of yours. I dared myself to create this beautiful image in my head where we have this family with two boys and a little princess girl, who would have the same beautiful eyes as you. And a dog. And a lizard you would name and take care of, because I would be too afraid to approach it.

I am being such a jerk right now. I know. God the night we spent together, the promises of love I gave you were not a lie. And I need you to know that! I love you, sweetheart. I love you more than anything in this entire world, but I cannot be with you.

Call it cowardness or selfishness. But I believe that being with you would only bring you danger. And I would never forgive myself if something happened to you. I want you to have a life you deserve and a life with me is not it.

I am a fugitive, a runaway, a criminal. I have to hide all the time and be reminded by the fact that I can never truly be free. I made that choice and I cannot expect you to follow it. It breaks my heart, but I do truly believe that if I want to see you happy I need to let you go.

And seeing you happy is the wish of my life. My dream come true. I will keep my eye on you, to make sure you’re safe. Sweetheart, baby, my sweet darling I want you to live your life and enjoy it, even if it means with someone who isn’t me. I want this for you, even if it will break me.

I know asking you this is too much. But please do not grow to hate me. Writing this letter and saying goodbye to you is the hardests and most painful decision of my life, and I did land a plane in the ocean. So please don’t hate me. Live your life the best you can and be happy.

I love you with all my heart.

Steven Grant Rogers.

P.S. Forgive Sam and Nat for not contacting you, it was because of me . But I would not want you to lose your friends so I will ask them to call you when we will be in safe grounds.

You fell on your knees, not even trying to control the tears that started to flow. This was over. It should not really hurt that much. It hasn’t really started yet, but this one night, the time you spent with him… He loved you and he still left.

Hate him? How could you ever hate him. He was a good man, with a beautiful, innocent heart. You didn’t hate him. What was more, you loved him even more. And this had broken you even further.

Happy ending:

He wanted a normal life so much. He wanted to have a simple taste of it even if just for a while. He wanted to feel your warmth and hear your awful jokes. So he made up his mind. It was selfish but this one time he would listen to Nat and Tony and get the life he always wanted.

A knock on a door woke you up. You quickly stood up, afraid. No one should know of this place and there was no way for anyone to track you. You made sure of that. So you took a small gun from your night stand and went to the doors.

"Who… who is it?" You asked, your voice shaky and raspy from the sleep.

"I'm sorry, I know I'm late…" you put the gun away and opened the doors, your eyes widened and heart beat fastened. There he was. In his civil clothes, a sign of a beard and his hair grown a bit. But it was him. Steve fucking Rogers. There he was, nervously smiling at you with the eyes shining with hope. "Hey, still in your pyjamas?" You opened your mouth but no words came out. You could not believe it. You have been crying your eyes out the whole night for him. The man who broke your heart was here. But why? To pick up the pieces of your heart or to break it even more? "Can I come in, sweetheart?" You stepped away and opened the door a bit more for him to enter.

"You… you came back… why?" You asked, hugging yourself, almost afraid to hear the answer to that question. He raised his brow and smiled sadly. You looked tired, weak and fragile. And yet so beautiful.

"I promised, right? I promised I'll come back to you."

"You haven't contacted me… not a call, no message not even a stupid email saying you were alive, you were fine… that you even planned on coming back!" You finally hissed, pushing him away by his chest. "You left with no words of goodbye!" Your voice was shaking and getting higher. With every word you were pushing at him, punching his damn muscular chest. "You left after you screwed me! Damn it, Steve I thought you were different. Better than that." Your open handed punches turned into fist ones. "I thought you loved me. I thought I was more than some toy…". He grabbed your wrist and pulled you to him, crashing you into a hug.

"I'm sorry, doll. I am so sorry" his hands came around your body, pulling you as close as it was only possible. "Jesus baby I never thought of you as a… gosh… a toy? Really?!" He pulled you away and looked in your eyes. "I love you. I love you so much but I was a coward. A jerk! I though not contacting you and leaving would bring you peace…"

"So why are you here?" You cried, your fingers clutching onto his jacket.

"Because I love you. So much!" He smiled and run his finger through your lip. "I'm tired of running away. I want to know how it is to be Steve Rogers, a normal guy. A man with a beautiful woman by his side and a possibility of a normal life."

"What about the Accords?"

"I plan on meeting with Tony. Have a talk, maybe figure something out." He connected his forehead with yours and sighed. "I want to have a normal life with you, if you let me. If you want me here, in you little asylum, your home…" there were pleading tears in his eyes and you couldn't help but lean into his touch.

"You stupid idiot!" You chuckled and kissed him softly. "It's not my home…" he frowned but smiled when you kissed him again. "It's ours."

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bluerose-moved · 4 years

Text

Introduction

Hello there! (♥´∀｀)／

my name is Rose, I am a self shipper and a kinnie and have been practicing the art of Wiccanism for several years now. My kin memories come to me in dreams, and they are mostly the dreams I seem to remember.

Kins

disclaimer: some of the characters listed here have done terrible things. I do not condone any of these actions, and feel incredibly guilty for these actions when reminded of them. please refrain from saying things like "but this character did this!!". I know they did, and I don't support it although I cannot help it.

Narancia Ghirga

This is one of my strongest kins and will probably remain as my number one kin. Doubles are totally welcome! Fellow Narancias are totally welcome to this blog and can interact!! Below will have some reasons on why I believe I was Narancia in a past life~ 🍊

First let's scratch the surface! I am incredibly childish, protective over my items and food, and get very angry easily in short bursts. I am rebellious, loud, and rowdy just like Narancia, and also struggle to multiply double digits past 12 on my own. I also have multiple similar interests to Narancia!

I have received kin memories in dreams. I have had many dreams where I was Narancia and witnessed going into surgery for my eye, betrayal from my friends, visiting my mother in the hospital, and the way my father treated me.

In this life, I have had many similar experiences to Narancia. My mother was always sick, my father saying abusive things to me and leaving almost all the time. I have experienced serious betrayal from close friends, afterwards I gave up on life and fell at the closest hardship usually thinking that this was it. Although I was saved by many other friends. Those friends are the friends that I am the closest with, and even if we arent friends anymore I still cherish the memories with those people.

In this shift I...

Self ship with Fugo! 💚🧡

Behave more energetically and get excited about almost everything

Listen to more music that Narancia enjoys

Become more happy and innocent

Caesar Zeppeli

A second very strong kin of mine, which will probably remain a strongest kin. Fellow Caesars are also welcome to this blog. I will be explaining this one as well like I did with Narancia ✨

My dad was quite absent for a lot of my life, ending up causing me to have very violent thoughts. Although he never saved me from anything, he did come home and begin taking care of me many years later, so I guess that’s not the same, although the absence gave me very violent thoughts and the want to commit crimes. I never acted on them though, but I do have dreams where I have.

At times I can be very committed and serious. When assigned a task I make sure to get it done instead of fooling around, although I am very kind and protective towards people who are my friends.

I have also had dreams in the perspective of Caesar, practically retelling his story. I once had a dream about his death, and when I woke up my entire body was in pain, further persuading me that I am Caesar.

In this shift I...

Don't self ship with anybody

Become more stoic and serious

Become more protective over my friends

Become very punctual and use proper punctuation and capitalization.

Become very organised. Any mess will drive me up the wall!

R. E. O. Speedwagon

One of my favourite shifts to be in, although kind of painful. The memories of my friends deaths are not pleasant to experience.

Like stated above in the reasons for Caesar, I can be incredibly protective of and loyal towards my friends. I have a big heart and care so much for everyone.

I can figure out the personality of someone easily. I can sense how toxic their vibes are from a simple hello, the same way speedwagon can sniff out people’s true selves.

I'm very anxious at all times and cry quite easily. I can also be very loud and express my feelings clearly.

I have also experienced kin memories in my dreams. I have dreamt about losing Baron, losing Jonathan, and helping Erina take care of Joseph.

In this shift I...

Self ship with Jonathan!!

Panic very easily

Am very nervous at all times, frequently checking behind my back

Laugh and smile a lot more easily, I am also more protective of my friends

Okay! Now that we've gotten past my three main kins, it's time for my list of synpaths. There's many of them so I most likely won't be sharing the reasons unless asked ✨

Joseph Joestar

Dio Brando

Kakyoin Noriaki

Giorno Giovanna

Gyro Zeppeli >:3

Jean Pierre Polnareff

I think that’s mostly the end. On this blog I’ll probably be posting some stimboards and edits, as well as Wiccan related things so feel free to request some! I’m also very open to dms so don’t be shy to shoot me a message!

#jjba #jjbakin #naranciakin #narancia ghirga #caesarkin #caesar zeppeli #introduction #speedwagonkin #speedwagon #kin #synpath #joseph joestar #dio brando #kakyoin noriaki #giorno giovanna #gyro zeppeli #jean pierre polnareff

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ladyluck852 · 6 years

Text

Mon Chérie (Seonghwa x Reader)

A/N: I love this boy with my entire heart and soul, one day friends, one day 🤧💕also I used my old banner just because the colors looked nicer with the gif...

Word Count: 3.8k (I think)

Genre: long distance, YouTuber au, fluff

Warnings: none?

Summary: Y/n’s YouTube viewers won’t stop shipping her with the mysterious chocolate connoisseur Hwaseong, maybe it’s meant to be?

Y/n sighed as she read through the YouTube comments on her latest video, her usual 12AM hobby before bed on the days she released one, liking and replying back to her viewers made her feel nice. She’d been on youtube for close to three years, making cooking videos and daily food videos every once in a while, and she’d gathered quite a following since then with close to 800k subscribers. She was happy and content baking for fun, and even if her job kept her inside most of the time she wasn’t complaining, she had plenty of time to do things later on.

Lately her comments and mentions were full of people telling her she should watch another youtuber, or people saying they shipped her with him, which she found odd since she’d never shown her face on the channel. She was flattered, the youtuber who went by the name Hwaseong was famous for his chocolate recipes and nice asmr videos, she often found herself watching them when she couldn’t sleep at night. She couldn’t remember ever seeing his face though, she just liked the whole vibe and aesthetic he had going on, and he always had a cute plush or cat appearing somewhere in his videos.

“You’re awfully spaced out” y/n’s friend said over FaceTime the next morning, y/n’s laptop set up on her counter as she tested out a recipe for her latest video. Cat shaped macarons, they were a pain in the ass but so satisfying if they came out well, this was her second batch so far.

“I’m daydreaming” y/n mumbled, checking her batter and making sure the consistency was perfect before filling her piping bag. She’d slept well the night before, she just found it weird that she’d dreamt of the mysterious chocolate youtuber, in her head he was so handsome and sweet. It was weird considering she didn’t know anything about him, and she really didn’t want to have a weird crush on someone she had never seen, but here she was thinking about him while she baked.

Halfway across the world, Seonghwa was uploading a video while eating cereal on his couch, checking his recent Instagram notifications and seeing that his followers were still talking about y/n from YouTube. She went by Mon Chérie on YouTube and y/n on her other social media’s, he knew about her and actually found her videos pleasant. He didn’t really watch too many cooking videos because he didn’t want to be influenced by others, but he quite liked how soothing her videos were. He wasn’t sure what it was about her that made his followers put them together, but he didn’t mind.

“Oh my gosh” y/n said, dropping everything she was holding when she saw the notification on her phone, one of many in the sea of instagram notifications, her heart raced as she clicked on it.

“What?” Her friend asked, bothered by her sudden outburst that had her worried. Y/n was always a go getter, she moved far away from her whole family as soon as she turned 18 and was still gone, she hadn’t stepped foot on u.s soil in a few years because her family usually flew in to visit on holidays. Everyone worried about her since she was so young, she didn’t have any family there whatsoever, but she was happy where she was even if it was lonely.

“He followed me on Instagram!” y/n shrieked, immediately following the chocolate connoisseur back and not being able to contain her excitement, “oh my gosh, oh my gosh- OH!”

“What?!”

“He messaged me!!”

Seonghwa now started and ended his days thinking about y/n, eager to talk to the girl everyone said he’d like, after talking for two weeks he really saw why everyone said so. She’d given him her number last night, an international area code because she’d been living in Korea for nearly four years now. He always teased her, it was an inside joke now between them that they’d both gone to each other’s countries and didn’t plan on coming back.

seonghwa[8:30pm]: it’s raining again :( it never stops raining

Y/n[8:31pm]: no one told you to move to Seattle

seonghwa[8:32pm]: the view from my apartment is the reason why I will never leave...

seonghwa[8:32pm]: the state, not my house. I leave my house

Y/n tried to keep from laughing as she read her messages, attempting to focus on her recipe but not being able to, she was enjoying herself too much. She did find the time difference to be a bit weird but they made it work, neither of them were ever really busy unless they were recording a video, so they spent a lot of free time messaging.

Y/n[8:40pm]: it’s nice and sunny here

seonghwa[8:41pm]: wow aren’t you lucky. I haven’t seen the sun in years!

Y/n[8:43pm]: meanwhile I’d love to see some rain

Seonghwa bit his lip, his balcony door open to let in the cool night air and so he could hear the rain, he turned on his lamp and messed with his hair before sending her a quick text.

seonghwa[8:45pm]: Can I FaceTime you?

Y/n was nervous, her heart racing and her ches tightening just at the thought of seeing him. They’d gone a whole two weeks without showing their faces, she knew eventually it would happen unless they stopped talking, but she didn’t ever want to stop talking to him. She was scared when she said yes, but she didn’t have much time to think about it because he was calling her soon after.

“Hi” y/n said nervously, her stomach tightening and her jaw nearly dropping when she saw him, she almost threw her phone in shock. She always pictured him as being handsome but she wasn’t expecting him to be even more handsome than she’d previously thought, he was staring at the screen with wide eyes and she felt so weird.

“You are so beautiful, why didn’t you tell me?!” He asked, sounding offended, y/n just covered her mouth while her cheeks went red and her eyes watered slightly.

“Stop it’s not funny. Show me the rain or hang up...” y/n mumbled teasingly, feeling her stomach erupt into butterflies when he laughed. He had the sweetest cutest laugh, she hated it, she didn’t know why he had to be so handsome and cute because now it was going to be all she thought of.

“No I think I’ve ceased to function, who is this radiant beauty and where did y/n go? This can’t be the same person who doesn’t change out of her pajamas until 2pm” Seonghwa teased, his mind blown to bits just looking at her. Maybe he liked her too much and his expectations were now shattered, it felt so strange to be seeing her face but he was so glad to be.

“Why did I tell you that?” Y/n laughed, embarrassed, switching the camera so it was pointing out of her window, “there’s your sunshine”

Seonghwa did the same, his view of the city probably the most attractive thing about him, at least that’s what he thought, “there’s your rain”

They sat in silence for a little bit just admiring the views from across the ocean, not really knowing what to say to each other now that they could hear and see each other, “I’m sorry I’m awkward”

Seonghwa felt breathless every time he saw her face, the type of pretty that radiated from within and made her look radiant, “awkward? If anyone’s awkward here it’s me, I’m blushing”

“You’re handsome”

Seonghwa groaned, his cheeks feeling hotter and hotter by the second, “it’s refreshing to hear your voice, it’s kind of everything I imagined it to be”

“Oh gosh, you’re making me blush now, I think the only time I’ve heard your voice was in that one video you posted where you spilled flour everywhere and left that in, when you cussed on family friendly YouTube” y/n teased, almost dropping her phone from laughing, glad she didn’t hang up on him by accident.

“Oh so you’re a fan girl, I knew it, I just knew it. You fangirls are crazy” it was his turn to tease her, watching her cheeks get red while she covered her face.

“Go to bed, you sound crazy now”

“I’ll sleep well after talking to you, I’m making a matcha dessert tomorrow, I’ll call you then? If you’re awake...” seonghwa suggested, smiling softly when she nodded, glad he got to see her before bed.

“Of course. Goodnight Seonghwa”

His heart clenched in his chest, the sound of his name sounding so nice coming from her he could pass out right there, “goodnight y/n”

“What time is it?” Y/n asked, rubbing her tired eyes after she’d spent some time editing a video and replying to comments, she was ready for bed and seonghwa had just FaceTimed her looking sleepy and messy.

“Around 6am, I woke up so I could tell you goodnight”

Y/n sighed, her heart aching, she was tired and stressed and even though she was glad to have him it got tiring. They’d been talking for months now, every day they got closer and they always joked about dropping everything and running to each other, both of them too scared to even suggest being with each other but wanting it badly.

“Seonghwa...” y/n mumbled, rubbing her face, wishing he hadn’t called while she was sleepy and emotional.

“I know that things are tough sometimes, but we have each other, and that’s why I call you before bed so that you can get your mind off of things” seonghwa said softly, trying to encourage her not to be sad despite not knowing why. He just thought it was because she was stressed from work, their jobs required all of their time, he really wanted to ask her to visit him for the holidays but he knew that she would be too busy to consider it.

“I should go, I think I’m gonna go okay?” Y/n mumbled, wanting to get off of the call already just so that she could cry in peace. On top of missing someone she hadn’t met yet, her family wasn’t going to be visit her for Christmas, which normally wouldn’t be a problem but she had felt so lonely lately she couldn’t afford to spend much more time alone.

“What’s wrong? You know I’m here for you, you know you can talk to me y/n, I’d do anything to help you feel better, are you okay?” He asked, feeling anxious that there was nothing he could do, he lived so far but all he wanted to do was wrap her in his arms and tell her that things would be okay. That he would take care of her, that they could make each other even happier.

“It’s just not fair okay? Why are you there, and why am I here? I just want to be next to you Seonghwa” y/n breathed, setting her phone down so she didn’t have to see the expression on his face, feeling like he wasn’t going to feel the same way at all. Sometimes she felt like she was making up the feelings, like he didn’t really like her as much as she could feel herself liking him.

“Y/n, can you look at me...or the phone screen, I want to tell you something, please” Seonghwa said, messing with his already messy black hair, turning on his lamp to combat the gloomy morning outside. Y/n finally picked up her phone, staring back at him from across the screen and wiping her red eyes, “can I do something for you for the holidays?”

“No..” she swallowed, his question only making her eyes water even more.

“Yes, please, I want to do it for you. I’m gonna buy you a plane ticket okay? I want to see you, I want you to come visit me and see your family” he smiled, wishing he could hold her hand, tell her in person, but that wouldn’t make any sense. He just wanted to be there with her.

“No seonghwa, why would you do that? You don’t have to do that for me,” y/n shook her head, feeling guilty already and for no good reason, “I could get my own ticket but even then what’s the point?”

Seonghwa sighed, pushing his fingers through his hair while his whole chest felt like someone was sitting on it, “because I want to be with you, and if you don’t feel the same way then it’s fine, but one day I want us to meet in person and I’d love for it to happen soon”

“Well I...I feel the same way, I really do, but it just-“

“Y/n...”

“Seonghwa” y/n whined, covering her face again.

“If you say yes, you won’t have to worry about anything being enough when you’re with me, I’ll give you enough kisses and hugs to last forever”

Y/n fell asleep with the slightest reassurance that everything would be okay, that she was loved and she could make it through it all, she just needed a little faith and patience. Having patience was hard though, it was hard when all she wanted was to be there already, they’d agreed she’d take a sooner flight to make it all better. She didn’t know what to expect because truthfully she was still trying to wrap her head around things, she couldn’t believe that they’d gone from being paired together by their subscribers to actually going to meet each other. To maybe even being in love with each other..

“You are so much taller than I thought you were!” y/n gasped, the crowded airport doing little to distract the couple who were utterly taken by each other, her chin softly hitting Seonghwa’s chest when he pulled her into a hug. His free hand played with her hair, never wanting to let her go, but he wanted to look at her.

“You are even more beautiful in person, look at this beautiful face, here I thought it wouldn’t get better,” seonghwa mumbled, holding her face in his hand while y/n softly touched the fingers on his right hand, “how was your flight?”

“Worth it. Ask me if I remember anything and I’d be at a loss, the whole world is disappearing right now” she laughed, wincing at all of the emotions she was feeling. When she got to the airport back at home she felt confident, ready, she was going to see Seonghwa and she was going to love him and vice versa. She just didn’t think he’d turn her to mush the minute they locked eyes and she saw his smile, she finally got to find out what he smelled like and how he felt, it was so strange but so comforting.

“You’re so beautiful. I keep saying it but it’s true, I can’t get over you” Seonghwa whispered, his heart finally steady just having her here, he smiled softly when she closed her eyes and leaned into him.

“You feel like home Seonghwa”

“I’m sorry I can’t be more romantic and you’re probably exhausted, but I just want to know, can I-“

“Yes. You can, please” y/n laughed, wrapping her arms around his neck when he pressed his lips against hers, she fit so snugly against him and she had to compensate for their height difference by getting on her toes but it was worth it. Kissing him felt like a dream, like everything she could hope for and more in a single kiss, her heart ached for him even though he was right there.

“You stole my heart just now, please don’t give it back y/n” Seonghwa whispered, giving her one last lingering kiss before pulling away from her.

“I’ll take care of it, will you take care of mine?”

He didn’t even need to answer, because how could he say no?

Y/n hadn’t even been in Seattle for a full 24 hours before everyone started to freak out over her whereabouts, nothing was sacred when it came to her fans who wanted to know where she’d gone and if she was visiting family. Some people joked that she was visiting Seonghwa and asked for a collaboration video, which of course they’d never pass up, ever.

“You’re tickling me” y/n laughed against Seonghwa’s back, her hands feeling around the table in front of her for the proper ingredients they needed to even begin making anything. Seonghwa had a good idea after watching baking videos all night with y/n who used them to help fall asleep, the interesting concepts and challenges were something he never would have thought to do on his own but now he didn’t have to.

“Baby if you move your right hand just two inches to the left you’ll find the whisk you’ve been looking for this whole time” Seonghwa said quietly, his hands slipping into the pockets of her sweatshirt to occupy the time.

“You’ll edit this out right?”

“You’re doing a great job, are you sure you’ll be able to separate the egg yolks?” Seonghwa asked, staring down at her work and feeling proud that his girlfriend really knew her way around a kitchen. I mean why wouldn’t she? But without being able to see properly, he’d never be able to do it.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head, just watch me work, I got this,” she mumbled, kissing his back before searching for the eggs, “you’ll let me know when the yolks are fully separated right?”

“Of course love, you trust me?”

“Yes, among other things...” y/n said, finding the eggs before finding the kitchen towel and placing them on top. Seonghwa was good at giving her directions when she couldn’t see, and luckily she was good at listening. They made it through the easy parts, greasing and lining molds, pre melting chocolate so no one got burnt, whisking the egg yolks into the chocolate, without a doubt the hardest part was now when she had to whisk egg whites.

“Are you sure? I can help you know” Seonghwa laughed, he was pretty certain his camera’s were positioned low enough anyways that if he ever felt like moving and helping y/n no one would be able to see her face. They quite liked the mystery surrounding them, everyone wondered what they looked like, at this point it was more routine than actively wanting to hide their faces though.

“Maybe you can pour the sugar. But then it wouldn’t be just my hands and I’d lose the challenge” y/n laughed, wrapping her arms around his waist while he finally brought his hands back around.

“But we want a good soufflé, and I’ll just hold the mixer, you pour the sugar. And I set aside a couple different measuring spoon sizes so it’s up to you to find the tablespoon,” Seonghwa teased, his eyes widening when it was the first thing she touched, “can you see?!”

Y/n blushed, peeking around his side to give him a cheeky grin, earning a kiss from Seonghwa who moved to stand a bit behind her, “Challenge failed. Now we bake like the professionals we are”

The souffle’s came out better than expected, both of them certain at least one thing would come out wrong or maybe the souffles wouldn’t rise but they were so good it had them stuck on the video as they edited and again when they uploaded it the next morning.

“You’re so handsome when you sleep. But like, you’re also handsome all the time. I don’t get it, how are you so amazing?” Y/n asked, poking Seonghwa’s nose as they cat napped after breakfast. A literal cat nap, Seonghwa’s cat had taken a liking to y/n and just wanted to be curled up in her lap as big as he was. Seonghwa felt left out, wanting to be cuddled by y/n instead, but he couldn’t help but feel lots of love for a potential little family as he hugged y/n against his chest and she hugged the cat.

“If you’re any nicer to me I’m going to follow you everywhere, next plane to Seoul I’m out, I’ll see you there” Seonghwa teased, kissing the top of her head, noticing she had pulled her phone out to take photos of the cat who was now stretching across her legs. He seriously did take up a lot of room, taking up most of her legs and covering her in his gorgeous amber fur.

“Don’t tempt me, I might just do it,” y/n mumbled, attempting to get a candid photo of Seonghwa but failing when he noticed and winked at the camera, “ah, so handsome, you give me butterflies”

“If you post me on social media the world will never know” seonghwa teased, the new joke between them was that they just wanted the fame that followed a face reveal, that after they got got new subscribers they’d just ghost each other and that would be it. Admittedly it was fun to joke around, but both of them had no intentions of actually doing that, in fact they wanted to spend as much time together as possible.

“Not a chance, you’re too special, too handsome, too sweet, I’m too lucky”

Seonghwa bit his lip, holding back a shy laugh while his entire face flushed, “I love you y/n”

Y/n titled her head back, her eyes wide and full of emotions as seonghwa held her face and kissed her, the sudden movements making the cat scurry off of her lap, “I love you too seonghwa, so much”

“That’s it, I’m buying my plane tickets, when can I visit you?” He asked, taking his phone out while hugging her a bit tighter, kissing the top of her head because he couldn’t ever get enough.

“What? You’re going to leave your house and take an airplane to visit me? Have I done something correctly?” Y/n teased, raising her eyebrows playfully while seonghwa just shook his head.

“You’ve already told me yourself, now it’s my turn. My home is wherever you are, comfort zones are obliviated in the face of true love” he mumbled, checking for flights within the next couple of months and sighing at the thought of spending time with y/n in her country. His country...? It had been a while since he’d been back but it would all be a dream once he did.

“So cheesy, so romantic, I’m already full stop feeding me!”

“No I refuse, I’m gonna love you forever, I’ve just decided that right this instant. Let’s get married” he joked, making y/n roll her eyes, seonghwa just smiled because he knew he was being dramatic but she loved it.

“This is all a publicity scam, I can’t believe you” y/n groaned, her face warming as she tried to hold in her laughter while grasping his hands that tickled at her sides. In the end he hugged her close, kissing the side of her face while they looked through the comments on their latest YouTube video together.

“Well my publicity scam seems to be working? But my cat likes you too much for me to get rid of you now, I guess I’ll have to endure it. I just bought my plane ticket, wanna go out? I want to hold your hand”

“When?!”

“Right now, or not...” seonghwa trailed off, playing dumb as he avoided her eyes, “just kidding, around your birthday”

“Oh my gosh,” y/n groaned, hugging him tightly, “you’re staying until your birthday though...right?”

Seonghwa was glad their birthdays weren’t far apart, although he wouldn’t mind staying with her longer, “of course, if Mon Chérie would allow it”

She blushed, covering her cheeks and just thinking about how amazing it was to be with him, how great it was gonna be spending time with him, “I think my bed is big enough for you”

“You take up virtually no space in my bed, yet all the space in my heart. Too cheesy? I love you...”

#park seonghwa #seonghwa x reader #seonghwa fluff #ateez seonghwa #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #seonghwa #the apple of my eye

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dreams-madeof-strawberrylemonade · 5 years

Text

Shoelace

So this is the first request I got, thank you anon, hope you’re seeing this and you like it!! Title isn’t quite the best, sorry about that lol

Request: I know the boys have mentioned that they go to thrift and antique shops often and that's were they get most of their clothes. Could you write a story about shopping in an antique shop and (literally) running into the boys there? Warnings: none Word count: 1418 words Thoughts and memories are written in italic.

You woke up really early in the morning, the loud sound of the cars being the reason. You usually liked to sleep in, but since you were already up, it was no use to go back to sleep. You figured you could just watch the sunrise.

While you changed your pajama with the clothes you chose for the day, you watched the calendar on your wall. Tomorrow was the day. You had a big smiling face drawn next to the number of tomorrow’s date.

Finally. It felt like this day would never come, you thought and smiled to yourself as you put water in the kettle, waiting for it to boil.

You have grown up in a music-loving family and you easily picked up this love for bands, and music in general. You have always dreamt of having your own band and seeing the world, but most importantly, you dreamt of expressing your feelings with people and connecting with them.

Tomorrow was the day you would finally see Greta Van Fleet live. You bought tickets months in advance. It blew your mind how these boys that were your age managed to get so far already, and the idea that this is just the beginning of their evolution blew your mind even more. Even though their home town was in the same state as you were living in, you never got a chance to see them perform.

While you were sitting by the window, deep in thoughts and your excitement almost sky-rocketing, you noticed that the water for your tea just started boiling. You poured yourself a cup, and put in the tea packet and kept the cup in your hands, warming yourself.

Today you had a free day from work; actually even better- the whole week was free. You decided to call your best friend and ask her to join you to a day out. You needed to go thrifting to find the perfect outfit for the gig tomorrow.

Like she read your mind, your phone lit up. You read the text message: “Figured since tomorrow is the big day, we need to go shopping. Meet you at 11 by the fountain. Love ya”

You smiled and just answered her text with a thumbs up emoji.

You let your phone fall back on the bed sheets and returned to the window and admired the beauty of the sunrise, while slowly sipping on your tea.

Before going out, you decided to have a look in your closet and tried to put together an outfit, but nothing had that vibe you were looking for.

Time passed faster than expected, so now you were running late. You were always running late when you had to meet your friends.

It was 15 minutes pass 11, and Lisa, your best friend, wasn’t there either. You rolled your eyes and waited patiently. Soon, she appeared down the street, not hurrying and taking her time. You two were almost opposites, but the way you could understand each other made your friendship work. You were like Ying and Yang.

You greeted each other and started visiting the thrift shops one by one. In each one you found several good pieces, but none were exactly what you were looking for, but you still took them anyway.

Three hours must have passed since you and Lisa were walking from store to store, and you finally reached the last one, which was actually one of your favorites.

This shop always met your dreams. Whatever pieces you had in your mind, you could always find it there – from sweaters, to pants, handmade dreamcatchers and antique jewelry.

You and Lisa walked in, ready for action. The moment you entered the store, your eye caught a couple of items. You picked them off the shelf, and on your way to the dressing cabin, you picked up a couple more.

You tried on what you got and asked Lisa to come in and give her honest opinion on the outfit you put together, but she didn’t answer.

“Lisa!” you called out one more time. Still no answer. You put on your shoes and picked up the clothes you were previously dressed with and stepped out of the cabin. You looked around the corner and once you saw she wasn’t there, you jogged to where you’ve last seen her.

In your brisk jog, you stepped on your untied shoelace and tripped over, almost falling over a group of men that were looking at the vintage shirts section.

“Holy- “ you heard the moment you realized you didn’t hit the floor, but you were dangerously close to it. You had your eyes tightly shut, waiting for the moment of the impact, but since it didn’t come, you dared to peek at the surroundings.

That was the moment you would have fallen again, if you weren’t already kept inches off the floor by a strong pair of arms. It was like one of those cliché movie moments, when the guy catches the girl just before falling in front of him.

“Are you okay?” the dark haired man asked you as one of his shorter- much shorter- friends came to your help.

“You almost had quite a fall,” the shorter one talked and laughed.

As surreal as it seemed, they were the boys from Greta Van Fleet. You gulped and your cheeks heated up.

“Yeah, thanks for catching me,” you managed to say. “I would have probably been missing a tooth now if it weren’t for you,” you tried to lighten up the atmosphere.

“Daniel, actually Danny,” the man who caught you presented himself and his lips formed a smile. But you already knew who was each one of them, and honestly, you were trying not to fangirl.

“Y/F/N,” you introduced yourself.

The shorter one stretched out his hand. “Josh,” he said and you grabbed it and shook it. “These are my brothers, Jake and Sam,” he added and pointed to each one of them. The two of them witnessed the whole thing as well, but immediately resumed looking through a small basket of necklaces.

“I’m a big fan,” you spoke up and your cheeks heated up a little bit more.

They all stopped what they were doing, and a smile spread on all their faces. “Happy to hear that! It is an overwhelming feeling, at least for me, every time we meet fans, because we have been fans all our lives, and now we are the ones sharing a message and people are taking it in with love,” Josh said.

His little speech made you smile and just as you were about to say something, Lisa approached you.

“Have you seen this-“ she started but stopped. “Oh my…”

The boys laughed at her reaction as you stood in silence, figuring you already had the color of a tomato, but it didn’t matter.

“Are you coming to the gig tomorrow?” Sam asked, his brown eyes looking straight into yours. You just nodded as an answer. “Do you live here?” he questioned again and this time Lisa confirmed.

“Cool! Can’t wait to see you there!” Josh joined in the chat. “You said your name is Y/N, right?” he asked again as he took a post-it note out of his khaki pants’ back pocket and took a ballpoint pen off the counter in the store. You nodded again and watched him with interest.

“Here you go,” he said quickly and handed you the post-it. It had a VIP backstage code that stood instead of a pass for the concert tomorrow. Both you and Lisa got one.

You gasped as your eyes burned a little, that little burn before the tears. You hugged Josh and thanked him multiple times. “Sorry, shouldn’t have done that,” you admitted slightly embarrassed at your behavior.

“It’s alright darling,” he smiled and hugged you back.

The hugs continued for a quite a while. These boys were so humble and down to earth. They had the kindest souls that you have ever crossed paths with. It still seemed so surreal. Meeting them in your local thrift store wasn’t something you expected when you woke up that morning.

“So since you’re locals, would you want to show us around for a good place to have lunch?” Jake asked and smiled. Lisa let out an excited squeal and nodded.

“What kind of place would you like to go to?” you asked, trying to contain yourself.

“Whichever is your favorite, since you two will be joining us,” Josh grinned.

Tags: @myownparadise96, @jeordinevankiszka, @littlegeekwonder

#greta van fleet #greta van fleet fanfiction #gvf #gvf fic #gvf fanfic #requested #anon #thrift shop #thrift store #josh kiszka #jake kiszka #sam kiszka #danny wagner #music #fanfiction #writing

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kittenwithsecrets · 5 years

Text

Still broken.

I lied to myself, when I said I’d stop thinking about you. When I told myself I wouldn’t write about you anymore. When I told myself I had to let you go. The only thing I’ve managed to stay true to was promising myself I’d never cry over you again. But who knows, it’s still early days… Maybe that’ll also be a lie.

It’s been one month since I last saw you. I thought it’d give me the closure I needed. I hoped it would. I won’t lie, it did help a lot. At the very least it stopped the anxiety attacks I was experiencing every single waking moment. Meeting you that day finally allowed me to breathe freely again. That crushing, oppressing weight on my chest was finally gone.

But I keep replaying that last conversation we had, over and over and over again. I’m struggling to accept it. I’m struggling to understand it. The problem with me is that I can never process things on the spot. Sometimes it takes awhile, and for the conversation to keep replaying in my head before I’m finally able to articulate how I really feel.

Part of me wishes I can have another conversation with you, but seeing you again might kill me. Part of me wishes I could have a do over, having the knowledge of what I want to really say when I finally learnt what was going through your mind.

I want to force you to answer my question, when I asked you if all your friends or all the girls you were fucking constantly gave you things every time they saw you. Telling me you didn’t understand our culture, that you weren’t sure if it’s the norm in Singapore; feels like such a poor excuse. The way you answered makes me think that no one else did what I did for you. So how could you have been so oblivious to the fact that you meant so much more to me? It’s not even about the money that I spent on you. It’s the time and effort that went into these actions that were completely lost on you. That they meant so much more to me than it ever did for you. That you couldn’t even recognise any of it for anything more than just a cultural norm. Honestly, now I regret de-seeding the rambutans for you so that you’d never get the disgusting peel when you eat them, so all you’d get was the perfect flesh. You’ll never have any idea how difficult it is to do that.

When you told me that most girls who see you on a regular basis end up falling in love with you, I wish I told you that you’re the problem. The one constant is you and seeing the way you treated me, if you treated any of the other girls the same way, I don’t blame them for falling in love with you. I blame you for misleading us all. I blame you for sending all the wrong signals.

I wished I asked you earlier on about the ‘heartbreak’ that you experienced. I never imagined that the story would seem so insignificant… So juvenile. It’s so difficult for me to accept that you’re the way you are because of that. But what affects me the most is coming to the realisation that you seem to have led your life solely to prove your younger self wrong. That you can talk to girls, that you can be charming to girls, that you can kiss them, fuck them, and make them fall heads over heels in love with you. Is that what you were after? Making girls want you. Did you enjoy it every time a girl showed you how much they needed you? Did your ego grow every time a girl would choose you?

I keep thinking about you telling me that you were excited for the JB trip as well, but I don’t think you truly understand what it meant for me… To me. You’ve clearly enjoyed our time together and you seem to have pleasant enough memories. But we’ve clearly been on completely different pages this entire time. I wish you could understand and feel what it meant to me. What every second we spent together meant to me and the potential for any additional time we’d have together. Maybe then you’ll understanding how devastating it was for me to get that early morning text on that fateful Wednesday. The tonality of your messages so flippant… Did you even realise that? Or were you your usually oblivious self. I think you couldn’t have chosen a more cruel way to let me know.

Everyone tells me that I need to move on, that I need to want to move on. Do they think I want this? I feel absolutely awful. I feel like you’ve sucked the joy out of my life. Things I used to love to do doesn’t bring me the same kind of happiness that it used to. It feels like someone has thrown a filter over my world and its been muted or dimmed and nothing is as vibrant as it once used to be. I don’t know why anybody would want to feel this way if they could help it. I don’t want to feel like this. I don’t want to keep thinking of you. I don’t want to keep dreaming of you. I don’t want to keep agonising over all the possible ways that I wasn’t good enough for you. Losing you has left a profound hole in my life and I don’t know how to fill it.

My boss told me that the healing process will take 2 weeks but it’s been a month and I feel nowhere near healed. I wish you could feel the amount of hurt you’ve inflicted upon me. I wonder if you feel guilty. A part of me wishes that you’d see something and be reminded of me and when you think of me, you’d feel a stab of pain, of loss, of guilt. But that would mean that I meant something to you and honestly, who am I fooling?

I wonder if you ever think of me at all, because I think about you all the time. Did you know the hungry ghost festival just ended? It reminds me of how you used to laugh at my strong belief in the spiritual world and the traditions we observe. Do you know that it’s the Mooncake Festival season now? It reminds me of when I introduced mooncakes to you. Every where I go, everything I experience; I keep thinking of you. I went to the opening of a showroom and I wonder if anyone has explained the significance of a lion dance to you. Or if you’ve ever seen a barrel of sake being smashed open. I went to Golden Mile and I wonder if you’ve ever been, if anyone will bring you and introduce you to all the amazing Thai food that you can find there. I saw the passengers waiting to board their buses to KL and I thought of you flying to KL and paying a lot more than if you were to take a bus. Did you know you could buy a bus ticket for $10?

I went to Sydney and thought it’d be a good distraction from thinking of you. But everything reminded me of you. Seeing the packets of Pods in the supermarket broke my heart a little bit more. Seeing the chocolate store in the Rocks market made me think of my promises of buying them for you broke my heart a little bit more. I went to a little coastal town and it was breathtaking and I wanted to share it with you, then I remember I can’t. I saw so many wild dolphins and I wanted to share it with you and I can’t. I got to take a boat ride around Singapore and visit a Kelong and I wanted to share the whole experience with you and I can’t. I see so many different things throughout my day that I want to share with you and it breaks my heart that I can’t. Not anymore.

The most horrifying thing is that I’ve started seeing you and thinking of you when I’m with other guys.

Why can’t I get you out of my head? Why are you so difficult to forget?

I hate that you’ve ruined so many things for me. I don’t want to go back to Dempsey because I took you there for your birthday. My friend mentioned Sami’s curry the other day and I think whatever’s left of me died a little bit more. I don’t want to go to Springleaf. JB, KL and Tioman bring back bad memories because we were supposed to go there together one day and that’s now never going to happen. The wedding at the end of the year in KL will now be tainted by the memory of you and the potential of you having been there and it’s something I can’t not attend.

I hate that you were the first guy I brought to MBS, the first guy I brought home to my bed. How can I escape my own room?

I hate that you’ve made me feel less than. That I can’t seem to get out of my own head. To stop thinking about all the things that I’m lacking in and why I wasn’t good enough for you to choose me. I hate that you’ve made me feel like I’m worth less, that I don’t have enough value. I hate that you’ve made me feel more alone than ever. I hate that I’ve done things in the past month out of desperation that’s made me feel terrible inside out. That has made me feel so ashamed of myself and the levels that I’m willing to descend to. I would have never imagined the power you had over me, to reduce me to what I am now.

I dreamt of you last night. That you weren’t happy in your newfound relationship. That you think you might have made the wrong choice. I woke up happy before I realised it was only a dream. But small mercies, after a month of barely any sleep, I’m finally able to sleep through the night again. At one point I thought I’d never be able to sleep again.

I wish I had a stronger mind. I wish I wasn’t so weak. It’s killing me to imagine you continuing your life with her, talking to her over the phone, spending time with her over the weekends. I wonder what kind of couply things you’d be doing and it absolutely wrecks me that I’ll never have any of that with you.

But I can’t stop. I don’t know how to stop. I’ve tried cigarettes, vaping, drinking, sleeping pills, sleeping around… Nothing has worked.

What will? I just want someone to give me the answer. I want to be cured of you.

There’s a chance that I’ll be going to the F1 weekend and I know you’re going as well. Part of me hopes that I’ll bump into you. I want to make sure you know how you’ve completely ruined me. I want you to live out your entire life with the knowledge that you’ve completely destroyed another person through your actions. But it’s a 3 day event so really, what are the chances…

At the very least, I hope you see the Alfa Romeo cars and when you do, you get reminded of me. I’ll never be able to tell you this, but they offered me the job. I couldn’t take it. It reminded me too much of you too…

#heartbreak #i need help #how do you move on

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the-shipping-machine · 5 years

Text

Broken memories

Summary: Just some angsty/fluffy thing based on a few headcanons I have about Mr. Brass and his background story. (Also with the AU where the SCP only rescued him and kept him safe for a while before allowing him to live with his siblings)

The Automaton followed a hooded man he met just a few hours ago. He didn’t know what reason this man and his so-called “church” has to offer him safety, or what is this church anyway. The rain poured heavily on the two of them, soaking their clothes and bodies, yet neither of the two seemed to care.

When the two of them walked into a giant building, they were greeted by other people wearing the same hoods, calling Mr. Brass “their savior” and prying to him.

“You are a part of our god.” one hooded woman told him, as she handed a towel to the confused robot. “We’ve been waiting for so long!”

As the rest of the hooded people cheered for him, trying to explain the situation to Mr. Brass (who didn’t understand a thing but decided to play along), the hooded guy who brought him there gave him a soft smile, giving the Automaton a feeling of safety, of hope, of home.

After the man mannaged to convince the excited crowd to give Mr. Brass some space, he decided to give him a tour of the church. He showed him the altar, the showers, the offices... the rooms themselves were boring, but the two of them enjoyed talking with each other. Mr. Brass even got to know him better.

The man’s name is Scott Travis, he’s the church’s message man. He told Brass he joined the church because they saved his life and he feels like he owns the “broken god” his life. Apparently, Scott’s relationship with his parents wasn’t great, and they kicked him out of the house when he was only 16 years old, and the church found him two years later, almost freezing to death. He has been there for the past 14 years and worked as a message man for the past 12.

“And now, the big finale!” Scott said, leading Mr. Brass down a big hallway and opened the big door at the end of it.

On the other side of the door lied a huge room, almost at the size of a living room and the height of a three-leveled building. The walls were painted in Prussian blue, and the entire floor was covered by a dark shade of crimson red carpet. The first floor of the room contained some big bookcases, a big containment filed with metallic parts that were perfect for Mr. Brass’s “transformation” ritual, a sitting area with the softest chairs he ever sat on, and a big mirror. The wooden stairs to the upper floor of the room were clean and shiny, without a single hint of the existence dust there. The upper floor was covered with a softer teal carpet and had a big window to the fields near the church. It had a large bed with beautiful and warm mattresses, and next to it was a wooden desk and a chair.

“Welcome to your bedroom,” Scott said, smiling at the surprised robot, who scanned the room in disbelief.

“That’s... That’s my bedroom?” Mr. Brassed asked, trying to process this. “That’s... wow... That’s too big for a bedroom.”

“Hey, we want any part of our god to be happy and safe.” Scott said. “The parts in the containment are being stocked every week, and the window is unbreakable to avoid any danger. And if you need anything, my room is two rooms away from here.”

“You guys are the best.” Mr. Brass said.

“Oh, we know it.” Scott laughed as he turned around and walked to the door.

“Wait!” Mr. Brass said, causing Scott to stop and look at him.

“Thank you.” Mr. Brass said. “For everything.”

Scott gave him a soft smile as he walked over and hugged him.

After he released the robot from the hug, he turned back and left the room.

Mr. Brass looked at him as he walked away, smiling at the thought that he finally met people he can trust.

Okay, he can’t trust these guys anymore.

Sure, it WAS nice for a while. They gave him anything he needed, and Scott was awesome. They have warm food, he wasn’t homeless, nobody called him a freak... But when he said he wants to move on, they changed.

They locked him in his room, yelled and cursed at him, ignored his cries for help and begs for freedom. It’s been like this for a few months. A few long months.

One day, he was happy to see Scott opening the door to his room, telling him to come with him. He hugged Scott tightly, glad to see his friend, but Scott...didn’t hug back. He followed Scott down the awfully quiet hallways, asking him questions, hoping that the church is finally letting him go.

“Where are we going?” Mr. Brass asked. No answer.

“Are you guys letting me go?” Mr. Brass asked. No answer.

“Scott?” Mr. Brass said as he decided to stop walking, worried about his friend.

It took Scott a few seconds before he grabbed the Automaton aggressively by the arm and began to drag him to the altar, not even looking into his eyes. When they finally got there, Scott pushed him towards the high priest of the church and stepped aside.

“What’s happening?” Mr. Brass asked, confused and scared. “What do you guys want from me? Why can’t you just let me leave?”

Before he could ask the next question, the high priest pushed the poor robot to the floor, as he and a few other church members began to hit him and jam stuff to him. The rest of the church members watched. Most of them cheered them on, some repeated the robot’s cries for help in a mocking tone, but Scott? Scott looked away.

‘This is how I’m going to die, huh?’ Mr. Brass thought to himself.

After three or four painful minutes, the altar’s doors were slammed open, and a bunch of armed soldiers with the word “SCP” on their uniforms entered the room, and the chaos began. People screaming and escaping the room, soldiers and church members shooting at each other, and all Mr. Brass could do was just to crawl quickly underneath one of the benches and hope for the best.

As he crawled away, one of the soldiers reached over to him. Mr. Brass thought he was about to shoot him, so he protected his face with his arms, but was surprised when he realized the soldier was just offering him assistance in getting up. The robot hesitantly grabbed the soldier’s hand, and the two of them ran outside of the building, into the wheat fields.

That was when he felt someone else pulling him from the other side. When he looked, he saw Scott, with anger and sadness in his eyes and blood coming from a scratch on his left cheek.

“You, can’t leave, Brass!” Scott yelled, pulling him violently from the soldier’s hand. “You’d be nothing without us! Nothing! You were just a freak when I found you!”

before Mr. Brass could response, a bullet suddenly hit Scott’s forehead, creating a big bleeding hole and coming out from the back of his head. The man was dead before he hit the floor. Mr. Brass saw the soldier holding the gun, looking at him with a worried face.

“Are you okay?” the soldier asked.

“I...I don’t know.” Mr. Brass said, looking at the dead body of the man he once called a friend.

The soldier put his hand on Brass’s shoulder, looking into his eyes.

“Come on.” the soldier said. “The rescue helicopter is close.”

“How can I trust you?” the robot asked.

“I just shot a guy who almost ripped off your arm.” the soldier said.

“That’s...a good point, I guess.” Mr. Brass said.

The two of them reached the helicopter and waited for the others. There was a long silence between the two of them until the soldier took off his helmet.

“Edward.” the soldier said.

“Huh?”

“My name is Edward.” the soldier said, giving Mr. Brass a friendly smile.

“I’m...” Mr. Brass said.

“We know who you are, Mr. Brass,” Edward said. “We were sent to rescue you, after all.”

He moved from his seat and sat next to Mr. Brass, looking at the damage the church caused him. Scanned every single injury.

“We were almost late, huh?” Edward said, still looking at each scar that was left by these bastards. “No wonder their god is broken. They might’ve done this to him.”

The two of them let out a giggle at that joke.

“When we’d get to the base we’d fix some of that.” Edward said. “You might have to stay in the base for a while until we’d stop that church.”

“For how long?” Mr. Brass asked.

“Probably a year or two,” Edward said. “But we’re close.”

“These guys are a nightmare.” Mr. Brass said.

“Well, let’s just hope our people would get out of there before they activate the bomb.” Edward said. “This nightmare of yours is going down today.”

After the rest of the soldiers arrived (except for three of them who probably died during the gunfight) and the helicopter began to fly, they all looked through their window as one of the soldiers began to count down from ten. As he reached “zero”, they all saw the church explodes and goes down in flames. Mr. Brass didn’t feel sorry for these people.

“Good riddance.” he said, still shivering.

Edward, who seemed to notice the shivers, took off his uniform’s jacket and wrapped it around the Automaton like a blanket.

He didn’t want to return it.

Mr. Brass woke up. It was the middle of the night, and he dreamt about those memories again. He looked at the robot lying next to him, who seemed to have a good night sleep.

He looked at the big jacket that was hanging on the chair. It was a black jacket with the SCP foundation’s symbol painted in white on the left side of the chest. He grabbed the jacket, hugged it and put it on him.

The sleeves were longer than his arms, and there was a little cut at the back.

He stood at the balcony, leaning against the fence and looking up at the stars, grabbing the sleeves tightly from inside.

If robots could cry, he would’ve. He had been through a lot. His beloved Edward was long gone, and he mannaged to move on... but the memories still haunt him.

“Brass?” he heard a tired robotic voice behind him. When he turned around, he was surprised to see his boyfriend, Jeffrey, coming next to him.

“Did I wake you up?” Brass asked as he put a kiss on his lover’s forehead.

“No. I was about to go downstairs to grab a midnight snack.”Jeffrey yawned. “You had those memories again, didn’t you?”

Mr. Brass nodded.

“It’s been almost 15 years now.” he said. “He’s been gone for exactly 15 years.”

Jeffrey held his hand softly.

“You never told me how he...you know.” Jeffrey said.

“I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” Brass said. “I mean, usually when someone talks about their ex around their partner is kinda awkward.”

“Not when I’m the partner. You can tell me anything.” Jeffrey said, giving a soft smile.

“Fine. I guess I can tell you.” Brass kissed his forehead again and sighed.

“Around three months after Edward and I met, we’ve started dating. He was the type of guy who would literally take a bullet for you.” Mr. Brass said. “We’ve been on a couple missions together since I wanted to help them take down the church of the broken god. The number of times he got injured just so I won’t was insane. Yet he survived most of them.”

He let out a sad giggle before he continued.

“After two years, we’ve finally managed to end these fucked up cult.” he continued. “But.. he didn’t make it out alive to see me feeling freedom for the first time.”

“What happened?” Jeffrey asked.

“Apparently these guys set up a time bomb, and on the way out lots of church members were chasing after us.” Mr. Brass continued. “Two people had to secure the rest to the exit, but the two wouldn’t have enough time to leave.”

Jeffrey remained silent, holding his beloved’s hand even tighter.

“When Edward volunteered I asked him to let me join him, and he refused.” Mr. Brass continued, looking at the night sky. “He also refused when I begged him to at least leave with us. “

He shivered a bit.

“I remember how he kissed me for a few seconds before ordering fellow soldiers to get me out. I remember the tears in his eyes when the soldiers got me out of there.” Mr. Brass said. “I remember how I found his burnt, torn body after the explosion.”

“Brass, I’m so sorry.” Jeffrey said, looking into his boyfriend’s eyes.

“That’s okay.” Brass said. “It...it actually feels good to talk about it. And he probably did it for the best. He was smart, after all.”

“Of course he was smart!” Jeffrey said. “He knew how cute you’d look in his jacket.”

Giggling, he picked up Jeffrey and kissed him on his lips.

“Just so you’d know,” Jeffrey said. “I have no problem listening to your broken memories. No matter how hard they are, I’m here.”

“thank you.” Mr. Brass said.

“Now how about we try to steal some of Mr. Hungry’s secret snacks stash and binge some anime?” Jeffrey asked him.

“If he asks, it was Sweety.” Mr. Brass answered as the two of them went downstairs.

No matter how heartbreaking his broken memories were, Mr. Brass knew there are people who care. And god, did he care about this man too.

#scp #little misters #little misters by dr. wondertainment #mr. brass #scp jeffrey #scp-2045

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