#or i guess i might have to go to a show in chicago!! we grow and change with the times

[arthur-r]

my fire opal converse arrived i’m screaming

[inconspicious-random-thoughts]

The Hazbin Timeline

I'm just making a timeline list of the Hazbin Hell residents biological and death ages. It's fun and interesting to see who is around who time period and such.

It might make help fanfic writers with backstories to know who existed at what time.

Im making the "current" date in the Hazbin universe 2019 as that's when The pilot aired.

Oldest: Lucifer. Existed before the dawn of mankind.

Adam: First man, existed since the dawn of mankind

Lilith: First woman, Existed since the dawn of mankind.

Eve: Second woman, Existed since the dawn of mankind, after Lilith.

Zestial: Information unknown beside oldest overlord, but going by his Shakespearean speech, death around the 1600's making him about 400 years old.

Possibly witness in his lifetime: Mary, Queen of Scots, executed for treason by order of Queen Elizabeth I, Galileo's experiments, Pilgrims from England arrive at Plymouth, Massachusetts, on the Mayflower.

Charlie: Appears to be in her 20s but

Despite her youthful appearance, it appears that Charlie's age is a matter of question. Although Vivziepop thinks that Charlie does celebrate birthdays with the standard kind of party, she is still unsure of how demon years and time work for someone like Charlie. In a later stream, Vivziepop stated that demons age in "hell years"] This may hint that Charlie's biological aging is different from how humans age, although it is unknown if hell years are similar in length to Earth years.

In one of the Hazbin Hotel pilot teasers, a portrait of the Magne family taken in the year 1871 hints that Charlie is decades older than she appears. Although this detail is omitted in the final version of the pilot, Faustisse has corroborated that Charlie is over 200 years old.

Rosie: Tricky, giving by her preferred time period, her death would be about 1890ish and her birth near 1850s-1860s making her 170 years old BUT Faustisse stated Rosie never died, suggesting that she was born in Hell. Which may subject to change as the show progress but if she's Hell born, they grow slower. So if we doing the same math as Charlie, she been around for 400 years. Which is similar to Zestial but not mention she on par with him in age so I think her being Hellborn not going to be finalized in canon. Rosie human age would be a little older if not similar to Alastor mother ages which is probably why he so easily bonds with her along with similar interest.

Sir Pentious: Biologically 40s, deceased 1888 making his soul 170is years old. His birth year is in the 1840s (This guy live through over 100 exterminations, and turf wars and challenging Alastor?)

Witness in his lifetime. The great famine in Ireland, the great Chicago fire, the pony express, the civil war, Lincoln assassinated, the statue of Liberty being dedicated,

Carmilia: Going with my headcanon that Carmilla was the lead ballerina in swan lake. Swan lake composed in 1877. Also, we have to consider her daughters to figure her death as I think they all died the same day. One of them goes by the name Clara...which is character in the nutcracker composed in 1892. So their deaths are after that date. Swan lake had a revival at 1895 so we just making their deaths at that time for sake of making it easy. Carmilla is vibing near 40 but I wouldn't push her past that as I think it be tough to be a 40 year old ballerina in the late 1800's. So her birth year is 1860s So I'm just going to guess her age be no older then 35 making her soul 160ish.

Her daughters being little after that. Being 150ish years old.

Witness in his lifetime. The civil war, Lincoln assassinated, the great Chicago fire, the statue of Liberty being dedicated,

Tom Trench: Biologically in his 40s, died 1910-1920s. Assumed during ww1 making his birth year late 1870s. His soul being around 150ish years old.

Alastor: Biologically 30-40's so for simplicity sake-35. So being born just smidge before the turn of 1900s. His death is 1933. Making his soul about 120 years old.

He witnessed 3 states included in the Us (up at 48 at his death) Wright brothers flight, Titanic sink, WW1, Great depression, Woman can vote, and prohibition.

Husk: Biologically 60-70, to make is simple 65. his death in the 1970s. Making his birth year about 1910's. About a decade after Alastors birth. Husker soul age about 110 years old. Husker has nearly the same timeline as Alastor and Angel except Husker lived an additional 40-50 years. Husk is about 10 year difference between both Alastor and Angel in either direction. So Husker being one the very few characters who lived a full life could at some point crossed paths with most of the characters in his living life, especially its been noted he was a world traveler to increase those odds. Alastor, Mimzy, Angel, Vox, Nifty, and Valentino. Husker is the unique character we get to witness that he an "old soul" because he lived the longest while alive, yet is in the same soul generation as Alastor, Angel and Vox, yet one of the youngest with his afterlife and still managed to be Overlord at one point. His overlords years being in the 1980-90s. As it takes time to become an overlord with the exception of Alastor. But I believe Husk did raise to Overlord fairly rapidly but lost it nearly as quickly as it seems Alastor had him under contract for a long while. Husk was in his 20s during Alastor death, in his 30s going on 40s for Angel Death, and 40's for Nifty and Nox death. Husk and Valentino share the same Hell afterlife timeline.

Angel Dust: Stated his age is in the 30s...and it most be very early 30's because I do not get the impression of him being 30 but more in the 20's. It so weird to know Angel meant to be a few years younger then Alastor biologically. Death year 1947. Making his birth year around 1917. His soul being just over 100 years. about 20 year difference from Alastor. Alastor hitting the age of adulthood while Husker not even a preteen at the time of Angel birth. Angel was in his mid teens when Alastor died.. Alastor possibly linked to is murders at this time of death and Angel would witness the news that would arise from it. Possibly heard some of Alastor broadcast. Angel is assumed gone by the name Anthony for a few decades in Hell before adopting his porn star name when he signed on with Valentino.

Vox: Biologically 30-40's so for simplicity sake-35. Died in the 1950's. Making his birth year about 1915 his soul just over 100 years old. He was a teen at the time of Alastor death. Alastor possibly linked to is murders at this time of death and Vox would witness the news that would arise from it. Angel and Vox lives and death are about in the same timeline, Angel died no more than a decade before Vox.

Witness in his lifetime: Great depression, prohibition start and end. all of WWII, holocaust, Hindenburg, Mount Rushmore finished first motion picture with sound The Jazz Singer.

Niffty: Biologically 22. Died in the 1950's making her birth year about 1930's. Her soul is about 90 years old. She possibly the youngest biological age character we seen. She as an infant when Alastor died. A preteen to late teen when Angel died. Possibly watched Voxs programs. (I headcanon that Vox is a tv game host). Died about the same time as Vox. Husk was in his 40s at her time of Death. Husk was in his 20 at the time of her birth.

Valentino: I'm placing him similar to Vox age so 35. He died in 1970's making his birth year about 1935. Just after Alastor death. Was in his late teens at the time of Vox death. Possibly watched Voxs programs growing up. (I headcanon that Vox is a tv game host). His soul is about 85 years old. Angel is older than Valentino even if Angel biological age might been slightly younger.

Angel been around longer than Valentino and its easy to forget that. Angel been uncontracted for a few decades before Valeninto became an overlord.

In his lifetime, the last two states was added to the US. Beatlemania, the space race, woodstock.

Katie Killjoy: in her 40's and died in 1992. Her birth year being late 1940-early 1950s. Making her soul little over 70 years old.

Zeezi: No information but giving her blatant 80's style she dies in the 80's and her personality seem of someone in early 20s...she was born in the 1960's Making her soul just about 70 years old. Same age as Katie, but Katie lived longer making Zeezi a citizen of Hell longer.

Cherri Bomb: Biologically in her 20s, and died in 1980s. Her birth year being 1960s. Living the same exact timeline as Zeezi. Cherri is possibly the youngest character we witness so far.

Velvette: No real information released but appears to be in the 20s. Her "age and death age" don't really match up to her character, but since maybe that's because she just good at updating and staying on trend. I headcanon it takes a minimum for a soul to become an overlord 10 years. So going by that, early 2000s since she not a brand spankin new overlord, she vibing she been overlord for a few years-close to a decade. ? Her birth year being in the 1980's which....doesn't seem to match. But giving the show timeline is 2019 subtract having years of experience as an overlord, and years to accomative the power and climb the ladder, and add her age...its near 1980s. Only way she can be an overlord with her birth being later in the 90's and death close to current year frame is that the other Vees saw potential and her and adopted her immediately and steamline her into being an overlord. But why would they do that if they just make a deal for her soul and use her potential that way?

That it for now. Hopefully someone enjoys this or could use the information I gathered, some venture a guess on the characters timeline and who may overlap who. I hope it wasn't terribly dull.

[ms-nesbit]

blue chicago (final chap. of sweet home chicago)

Chapters 1 and 2 here

Rating: 18+ (minors will be banned into the shadow realm)

Warnings: oral sex, vaginal sex, praise kink, jason is gentle ig

Summary: continuation of y/n and Jason’s first date. Jason wants to figure out where their relationship, if any, continues after his return to Gotham

Y/n ordered an uber for the couple, holding their phone in their hand and preemptively checking the plates and model of the vehicle to ensure their safety. “There’s a killer in Chicago right now, y’know. I might not be their demographic, but you probably are.”

Jason cocked his head in confusion. “I think I can manage.” he commented with a naive grin, reminiscing on the last time he caused a mob boss in Bludhaven to fall to his knees.

As they packed into the Fiat (for Jason, like a sardine, as he had to tuck his legs in order to fit even remotely comfortably), y/n began to point out different landmarks and their history.

“So you’ve been here a while I take it?”

Y/n took their eyes from the passing buildings, old and new, to look directly at Jason. Under the fleeing lights that escaped their view, y/n could make out his curiosity for them, his hazel eyes more gray than blue. “Long enough to know that there’s a killer that the CPD refuses to acknowledge, and that you always lock your doors after eight-thirty.” Y/n sighed, Jason’s gaze growing in intensity, so much that y/n had to look away. “I’ve never been to Gotham. Heard that their crime puts mine to shame.”

Jason let out a tired laugh. “Yeah, that’s about the only thing we really excel at.” he cleared his throat and glanced at the driver, whose eyes were narrowed at the traffic ahead, before he continued. “I mean, I can show you around sometime, if you ever want to take a vacation and see… I dunno, something.”

“So you don’t like it much?” Y/n moved their knees to face Jason, relaxing their shoulders on the back rest of the seat.

Jason shook his head. “To be honest, it’s home. Kinda like that weirdly toxic ex you keep coming back to, y’know?” Y/n rolled their eyes and nodded. “I’ve been to a few cities, including this one, and Gotham just feels comfortable to me. There isn’t much except the vigilantes in muscle suits, but I guess it gives the town some flavor.”

“I’ve been curious about the bat. I’m sure that’s gotta be some scary shit. Have you ever seen him?”

“Uhm,” Jason searched for an appropriate response without blowing his identity or his adoptive father’s. “Everyone who reads the newspaper or watches the news really knows what he looks like, but I can’t say for certain that I agree with his methodology.”

Y/n crept closer, scooting in their seat. “Methodology?” they repeated, running their fingers through their curls.

“Yeah, he…” Jason kissed his teeth in frustration, his visible disapproval enough to shift the mood in the compact vehicle, “he captures these guys, and some of them are really fucked up, and he just…lets them go to the police.”

Y/n rolled their eyes again, their demur matching Jason’s. “Then they get released, right? Because I’m almost certain that Gotham PD isn’t much better than Chicago’s.”

Nodding slowly, Jason’s hair mildly swayed with his head shaking. The way the strands fell out of place seemed right for him, y/n noted to themself. “There are a few places that I could take you to, if you were to, y’know, want to see a man dressed up as a flying mammal.” He interlocked his fingers, and y/n noticed a miniscule scar on the middle finger of his right hand that crawled up to the cuff of his shirt. When Jason followed y/n’s eyes, he withdrew his hands and crossed his arms. “There’s a bakery right in downtown, and a nice school there if you want to check out their law library.”

He smiled at y/n, who was still stuck on the scars - where did they come from? Why is he hesitant about them? Y/n wondered, their questions on the horizon, but not quite washed up to the shore of their tongue. “You really want me to check out this lawless town of yours, huh?”

“Well, I mean,” heat rose to Jason’s cheeks, “if you’re interested, I surely wouldn’t want you walking around alone, y’know? Some of those crooks take advantage of out-of-towners, and I think that you might-”

“Stick out like a sore thumb?” y/n finished, catching Jason in his words. “For a first date, you’re certainly charming with your words.”

Jason rubbed the back of his neck, opening his mouth to begin speaking before the uber driver abruptly announced their arrival. He wondered if the driver was used to the banter, and after y/n exited the tiny backseat, the driver muttered a quick, “You two have fun now,” to Jason, while giving him a knowing grin.

Fixing their outfit, y/n waited for Jason as they entered their key code (using their free hand to cup the dials to maintain some sort of confidentiality) and opened the door once they gained entry. “You ready?” Y/n stated as more of a precautionary word as opposed to a question. It drew Jason’s eyes from y/n’s wide hips to the building itself.

The building was…a building, and Jason was almost upset that someone like y/n could live in a building with a malfunctioning fire escape, several boarded up windows, and gaps in the brickwork that tested the integrity of the structure. He blinked back a frown. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

Once they entered, Jason felt the hairs on his neck raise in caution. From his upbringing, he knew to take heed of whomever he passed in places like these, and he kept his lips screwed together while his eyes darted to the source of his uneasiness: first, he noticed the flickering, buzzing fluorescent light in the lobby, its cold lighting shining (but dimmed); then, the water damage along the tiled ceiling, with accompanying stains on the corners where the wall met the ceiling, and darker, deeper stains - presumably blood - that sprayed along the lower walls and onto the ground; the lobby desk was empty, devoid of life of any kind, and before y/n called his name from the shabby elevator, Jason could almost make out a tiny inscription carved on the bottommost shelf on the abandoned desk, one that nearly reminded him of…

His thoughts rummaged as he multitasked the date with detective work. He reminded himself of Dick’s warning, ‘Enjoy yourself here, man. Don’t think about work for a bit.’, but one thing Bruce taught Jason was to trust his intuition. After they stepped off from the elevator, which creaked with every shift of weight, Jason followed y/n closely behind, keeping his hand over his right hip, where he stored his trusty blade. His eyes flickered behind him suspiciously, watching over his shoulder for whatever threat may expose themselves to him, and after they entered y/n’s home, Jason still refused to shake off the anxiety he felt.

“I know it’s not the Four Seasons,” y/n began, their tone derisive and self-depreciating, “but it’s my place for right now. And it’s actually nice that I get to learn how to repair things on my own since my landlord is pretty much MIA.”

Jason motioned to his shoes, to which y/n pointed their head to the thinly-wired shoe rack. He placed them there gingerly before returning his attention to y/n. “If you feel safe, and it’s not causing you any respiratory infections with the obvious mold growing in the walls of the hall alone, then I can’t really disagree with you much there.”

The overcoat Jason wore flounced with every motion, and it drove y/n mad, wanting to see what was underneath the layers. They were torn between the slow inspection, or the rapid peeling of clothes. Instead, they sat on the loveseat, their sweater dress hiking up their thighs enough to allow Jason to see where their legs met, the cavernous… “Wanna sit next to me?” Y/n offered, satisfied with Jason’s flustered reaction.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s fine.” he scrambled awkwardly, seating himself next to y/n, and concentrating on anything other than how he wanted to feel how y/n’s skin was underneath the leggings. He placed the plastic tins of cupcakes beside them, and as he settled himself onto the fabric of the couch, he felt his heart race. “So uhm, y/n, I just wanted to say I’ve had a really good time-”

Before Jason could finish his statement, y/n reached over and pulled him into a kiss, their hands instantly wrapping around the back of his neck. Jason’s hands grabbed y/n’s cheeks, holding their face in his hands as he inhaled sharply through his nose. He felt y/n’s fingers snaking into his hair, massaging them lightly as their tongue found its way to Jason’s mouth, deepening the kiss.

Y/n moved to sit on Jason’s lap, stradling it as their legs held his hips tightly. They broke the kiss after a few moments, staring straight at Jason, whose stormy gray and green were swallowed by his pupils. “Do you want this?”

Jason only managed a nod, finding his voice. “Y-yes. Yes I do.” he swallowed, and y/n bit their lip at the way Jason’s Adam's apple bobbed. Pulling their dress over their head, Jason only caught a glimpse of y/n’s skin, soft and peaks supple, before y/n pulled him into a deeper, hungrier kiss.

Y/n felt how hard Jason was becoming under them, and they began to grind their hips down, causing both of them to moan into the kiss. Y/n broke the kiss again, this time to relish in Jason’s quiet noises as he unraveled into a desperate, starved mess. Meanwhile, Jason’s eyes couldn’t pick a place to stay, and they wandered from y/n’s wide waist, up to the maroon racerback bra that they wore, the tops of their breasts calling out to Jason to be touched.

His hands were delayed in reacting, so it took a minute before he allowed himself to cup y/n’s breasts underneath the bra. He wrapped his arms around their waist to unclip the bra, removing it and sitting up to close their mouth on one of y/n’s hardened buds.

“Jesus, I should’ve known you were good with your tongue by the way you eat.” they breathed, arching their back in desperation. Their hips continued to circle against Jason’s clothed erection, but they snuck their hand under their leggings to rub their clit, a frantic attempt to relieve their tension.

The sight drove Jason’s hips to buck up, taking his bottom lip between his teeth to stifle a groan. “Fuck, I’ll do anything.” he was disgusted by how he pled to y/n, his guard quickly relenting to the depths of desire he previously compartmentalized. Y/n moaned in response, their head falling back as they continued to rub their clit underneath their leggings.

Jason debated watching y/n come loose, but his carnal instincts spoke louder to him, and he wanted to be the one to lead y/n to their climax. Without another word, Jason picked y/n up by the hips and placed them on the loveseat, falling to his knees on the wood floor before y/n as he hooked his fingers into the sides of their leggings and pulled them from y/n’s legs in a swift motion.

“Jason, I-” y/n interrupted their own words with a moan as they felt Jason’s breath hot against their core, and they looked down at him.

“Before I continue,” he began, eyes dark with lust, “do you want this?” It was y/n’s turn to be speechless, nodding impatiently as a nervous chuckle left their throat. “Good.” Jason mumbled before dipping his head again, their tongue brushing against y/n’s heat. He watched every movement y/n made, and how their hips rose in tune with their filthy noises. In his heart, he knew this was fast, maybe too fast for him to comprehend, but his heart was quieter than a mouse, and all he searched for in his strokes was for y/n’s release.

He threw a leg over one of his broad shoulders, pressing his tongue deeper against y/n’s core as he continued, his fingers sprawled on y/n’s thighs. He groaned every time y/n cursed, the sin as sweet as a prayer. “Fuck,” y/n gasped, their peak rapidly approaching. “Keep going, Jason, please.” the pleas were dripping with masochistic torment, as he was steadily keeping y/n close to their orgasm, but not quite letting them taste bliss yet.

“With pleasure.” Jason muttered under his breath before he obeyed y/n’s wishes, eyeing them as he watched their jaw drop and profanities spill from their lips. He allowed y/n to ride his face, and while they came down from their high, Jason unbuttoned his slacks and began twisting his wrist, stroking his own cock at the sight of his date in a state of ecstasy.

After catching their breath, y/n noticed Jason’s fierce stare before their eyes moved to his cock. “What are you waiting for?” Their eyebrow cocked in jest.

Jason looked down, embarrassed to admit. “I didn’t think…I don’t have a condom, I’m sorry.”

“You clean?” Jason nodded. “Me too.”

Jason stopped stroking himself, palms resting on his thighs. “Aren’t you afraid of getting pregnant?”

Y/n shook their head. “IUD. Makes periods painful, but at least I don’t have to take a pill or anything like that.” They observed Jason’s expression soften, his anxiety lingering. “If you’re not comfortable, we don’t need to do anything tonight.”

The comment was what Jason needed to allow the remaining weariness to fall from his skin. He stood and shimmied the slacks off from himself, tossing them aside before he pulled y/n to their feet and into a kiss. Y/n immediately brought their hands back to Jason’s hair, tugging delicately to evoke a response from the tall man.

It worked. “Shit.” Jason hissed into the kiss, “Gotta have you.”

Before y/n could process the admission of desire, they felt Jason’s hands on their bare ass, lifting them up from the ground. Y/n wrapped their legs around Jason’s waist with a tight grip, and felt the cold air of the wall against their back. Jason had them pinned, and was impressed with how seamlessly he was able to carry their weight. “Fuck me, please.” Y/n knew it was the word to use if they wanted anything from Jason - at this rate, Jason would give y/n the world with the simple word.

Jason obliged, using a free hand to guide his cock into y/n, groaning at the warm, inviting velvet pulling him in. He rested his forehead against y/n’s, staring at them as he rocked his hips slowly, deeply. With y/n pinned against the wall, their legs around Jason, he was able to move a hand to their breast, thumbing their nipple as he thrusted.

He listened with keen ears to the overt sounds of pleasure that emitted from y/n. He was already so close, despite being in y/n for such little time, and it reflected in how poorly he was able to keep a steady pace, faltering each time y/n clenched around him.

“I’m gonna- y/n, I’m close.” Jason choked out, eyes still fixated on y/n’s.

Y/n interlocked their ankles behind Jason’s back, pulling him in deeper. They again tugged at Jason’s hair, harder this time, and whined, “Not yet. Please, not yet. You feel so good.”

Jason’s hands moved to y/n’s hips, gripping them tightly as he wound his hips up and thrusted harder into y/n, his positioning precisely hitting y/n at a spot that made them curse loudly.

Jason buried his head in y/n’s shoulder, unable to filter out the obscene noises that left his mouth with every move. He was in agony, such deep pleasure that it hurt, but he would be damned if he didn’t want to strip another climax from y/n.

He snaked a hand between him and y/n, lazily circling their sensitive clit, and returned his eyes to y/n’s face as their body twitched, quickly reaching their orgasm. Jason watched with intent, but continued his speed, the room filling with salacious sounds from either of them.

“Holy shit,” Jason choked out, voice lower than before, “Fuck, y/n.” his eyes finally shut, mouth falling open as he found release, letting out a strangled moan as his hips stilled.

Gently lowering y/n back onto their feet, Jason ushered to the box of tissues, pulling out a couple to clean y/n off, then himself.

Y/n hummed as he cleaned them gingerly on the loveseat, their eyes slowly blinking before finally falling to rest. After Jason disposed of the used tissues, he laid his eyes on the slumbering y/n, careful in his movements as not to wake them, and he used his coat as a blanket.

—-

Sunday evening

“Tim.” Dick admonished, repercussions sharp on his tongue. “Stop teasing your brother.”

Tim shrugged before locking his hands behind his head, resting on the armchair of the living room. “Who cares? Guy seems a bit chipper now.”

Jason was. After his date with y/n, he waited for them to wake up - which took nearly all night - and took y/n out for breakfast. They agreed to keep in touch (something Tim and Dick overheard while he was on the phone with y/n), and had his face buried in his phone since.

They were about to check out from the hotel (not quite at the time they planned, but with revisions and planning from the concierge), and Jason was slightly less threatening than usual.

Their trip back to Gotham was dreadful - their flight was delayed, and they had to land in Pennsylvania due to a rapidly approaching storm.

Yet Jason remained hopeful, even when greeted by the passive aggressive Bruce Wayne back at Wayne Manor. He caught wind of their antics and was displeased, but was hushed by a sympathetic Dick when he informed his adoptive father that Jason found someone.

“So…” Bruce lingered in the doorway of Jason’s room for long enough to stir discomfort in the young man. “Do you have any interest in bringing this person over, maybe for the holidays?”

Jason sighed on his bed, rolling his eyes. “Y/n’s coming out in a week. Don’t…tell anyone, though.”

[massivedrickhead]

13 or 16 from the concern/worry prompts would be awesome :)

Hi, thanks so much for sending this!

A few people asked for a coninuation of the previous prompt, so I've set this one in the same universe, but a little further on.

I hope you like it!

13. “I’ll stay with you.”

Prompt taken from here.

Read on AO3

-

“Hey kid,” Beca said, getting out of her car and trying not to look puzzled at the sight of 10-year-old Sarah sitting on the kerb. “What’s going on?”

“I’m waiting for my dad,” Sarah replied, her hand held up to her face to shield her eyes from the sun as she looked up at Beca.

“Oh,” Beca said, glancing at the time on her phone. “I guess he’s running a little late, huh?”

Sarah nodded.

“You don’t want to come wait inside? It’s pretty hot out here,” Beca asked.

Sarah shook her head. “I’m okay, Mom made me put on sunscreen.”

“Okay,” Beca said. “Is your Mom inside?” 

Sarah nodded again. “She looked a little mad,” she added. 

“Mad at you?”

“Mad in general,” Sarah said. 

Mad at Chicago, Beca thought.

“I’ll go see,” Beca said, giving Sarah’s hair a quick ruffle as she passed.

Chloe was furiously chopping vegetables in the kitchen when Beca arrived.

“Chlo’?” Beca asked cautiously as she approached. “Everything okay?”

“He’s late,” Chloe said, bringing her knife down against a potato with a ‘thunk’. “Again. No calls. No texts. No nothing.”

“Give me that,” Beca said, taking the knife away. “We don’t need a trip to the ER on top of everything else.”

“I swear to god, if he no-shows again-”

“I know,” Beca said. “I guess you’ve tried calling?”

“Of course I have,” Chloe snapped.

“Sorry, that probably wasn’t very helpful,” Beca said. 

Chloe softened. “No, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. I’m just sick of him doing this to her.”

“Me too,” Beca said, pulling her wife into a hug and kissing the side of her head. “Do you need a hand with dinner?”

“No,” Chloe said. “It's almost done.”

Beca kissed her again before grabbing two juice pouches out of the fridge. “I’ll be outside if you need me.”

She returned to the front of the house where Sarah was still waiting, her backpack on the ground beside her. Every so often they’d hear a car in the distance and Sarah would perk up, only to sink back down when the car drove right past.

It made Beca want to cry.

How many times had she been this same kid growing up?

She shook her head slightly and cleared her throat as she approached.

Sarah turned to look at her.

“Thought you might be thirsty,” she said, handing her a juice pouch.

“Thanks,” Sarah said. “What are you doing?” She asked when Beca took a seat beside her. 

“Thought I’d wait with you,” Beca said. “If that’s okay?”

Sarah nodded and stuck her straw in her juice pouch. Beca did the same, and bumped hers against Sarah’s.

“Cheers,” she said.

“Cheers,” Sarah said back, giggling. 

They sat there until the sun started dipping behind the houses, and they heard the sound of approaching footsteps.

“Dinner’s ready,” Chloe said. There was a false cheeriness to her voice that made Beca look up at her. She could see that her eyes were rimmed with red and Beca’s face fell. 

Again? She asked without speaking.

Chloe nodded, and Beca could see the barely contained rage behind her eyes. 

“Dad’s taking me out to dinner,” Sarah said. “Remember?”

Chloe sighed and dragged her teeth across her bottom lip. “Baby, your dad just called,” Chloe said. “And he’s really sorry but-”

“No!” Sarah shouted, standing up quickly. “No! He’s coming! He promised! He’s taking me to dinner and then we’re spending the weekend at Disneyland!”

“Sarah-”

“He promised!” Sarah yelled, angry tears filling her eyes and spilling over reddened cheeks. 

“He said something came up at work,” Chloe said. “He’s really sorry.”

Sarah threw a kick at her backpack and set it skittering across the street.

“Kid, I know you’re upset-”

“Shut up!” Sarah said, turning on Beca now. “This is all your fault! My Mom and Dad would still be together if it wasn’t for you!”

It felt like getting stabbed in the chest, but Beca couldn’t pretend that she didn’t understand.

How many times had she shouted the same words at Sheila as a kid?

She just never thought she’d be on the receiving end of it. She never thought she’d be that kind of step-parent.

“Sarah,” Chloe said, her voice much sterner. “That isn’t fair and it isn’t true.” 

“It is true!” Sarah said, shouting even louder. “I hate you! I hate you both, and I want my dad!”

She stormed past them into the house and left Beca and Chloe standing in stunned silence. 

Beca cleared her throat and tried to distract herself from the pain in her chest by walking the five feet down the street to collect Sarah’s backpack.

The front of it was scuffed now, the sparkly unicorn missing a few sequins. A bit of childhood innocence chipped away by the disappointment of the real world. 

“I hate him,” Chloe said, her voice full of quiet anger. Beca saw her own pain reflected back in Chloe’s eyes, only she knew for her it must be a thousand times worse. 

“I know,” Beca said. “I’m not his biggest fan right now either.”

“How do we get the blame for this?” Chloe asked, furiously wiping at the tears that kept falling.

“Because she has to blame someone,” Beca said. “Because she probably thinks there’s something wrong with her. Something unlovable that keeps her dad away. But those kinds of thoughts hurt too much, so if she doesn’t blame herself then she has to blame us.”

“She’s a baby,” Chloe said, her voice breaking. “She shouldn’t have to think these things. She shouldn’t be feeling like this.”

Beca pulled Chloe into a hug and held her, because she knew there was nothing she could say that would help.

“If she has to blame someone, can’t she blame him?” Chloe asked, her voice muffled against Beca’s chest.

Beca laughed and placed a kiss against Chloe’s head. “She’ll be okay,” Beca said.

“I hope so.”

“She will be,” Beca said. “I am, and she’s got something I didn’t have growing up.”

“What’s that?” Chloe asked, stepping back so she could look at Beca.

“At least two parents who love her unconditionally. Whether Chicago gets his head out of his ass or not, she still has us, right?”

“Right,” Chloe said, sniffing and wiping her eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Beca said. “I love you both.”

“I should go check on her,” Chloe said. “Can you see if dinner can be saved?”

“Of course,” Beca said, briefly kissing her before they both returned to the house.

Chloe climbed the stairs with a pain in her chest and she knocked on Sarah’s bedroom door.

“Go away!” Came Sarah’s tearful response.

Chloe sighed and pushed the door open anyway. 

Sarah was curled up on her bed, her back to the door, her body shaking with sobs.

“I know you’re disappointed and upset, but we need to talk about what happened outside,” Chloe said. “It isn’t okay for you to shout at me or Beca, or anyone, like that, even when you’re angry.”

Sarah sniffed and wiped her eyes. She sat up and hugged her legs, and Chloe took a seat on the edge of her bed.

“It isn’t fair,” Sarah said. “Why does he always do this?”

“I don’t know, baby,” Chloe said. “I know you were excited to see him, and I’m really sorry he isn’t coming.”

“I didn’t mean what I said,” Sarah said. “I don’t hate you or Beca, I was just angry. I’m sorry.”

“Thank you for saying that,” Chloe said. “That thing you said about me and your dad not being together because of Beca, you know that isn’t true, right?” Sarah shrugged. “Is that something your dad has said to you?”

Sarah shook her head. “You left dad to go and live with Beca,” Sarah said. “So if it wasn’t for her, you would still be together.”

“Sweetheart, no,” Chloe said, sighing softly. “I didn’t leave your dad to go and live with Beca, we went to stay with Beca because I left your dad.”

“Isn’t that the same thing?” Sarah asked, brows pulled together.

“No,” Chloe said, shaking her head slowly. “Your dad and I were arguing a lot, and being cross with each other, and we just didn’t love each other the way you’re supposed to when you’re together. And so we decided not to be together anymore. Before Beca and I were together, we were best friends. So I drove us all the way to her house because I knew she’d help me while I was figuring out what was next for us. And she did. She helped me a lot. And she loved you since the day you were born, and she loved me for even longer than that, and eventually I realised I loved her too.”

“So you didn’t leave dad because you wanted to be with Beca?”

“No,” Chloe said. “I promise that isn’t what happened. Beca isn’t the reason that your dad and I split up, and she definitely isn’t the reason that he couldn’t make it today.”

“So then… Then why? Why doesn’t he ever come?”

“I wish I knew the answer to that,” Chloe said. 

“You said that you and dad didn’t love each other anymore, so what if that’s what happened? What if he doesn’t love me anymore?”

“Oh, baby girl, I promise you that isn’t true,” Chloe said, pulling her daughter into a hug. “The love you feel for your child, it isn’t like any other kind of love. Your dad will always love you, just like I will always love you, and Beca will always love you. There’s nothing you can do to lose that love. Even when we’re cross with you, or you’re cross with us, we’ll always still love you.”

“Promise?”

“I promise,” Chloe said. 

She hoped this would be enough for now. Hoped it would stop Sarah’s spiralling thoughts. Hope it would help her sleep at night knowing she had the love of all three of her parents, even if Chicago was lousy at showing it.

She didn’t know what would happen when Sarah got older. When she started questioning why Chloe had no relationship with her own parents. Why Beca had none with hers. 

“Can we go downstairs so I can say sorry to Beca?” Sarah asked.

“Of course we can, I think that’s a really good idea,” Chloe said, kissing Sarah’s head.

They found Beca in the kitchen, sitting up at the island, tapping something into her phone and frowning. 

“Beca?” Sarah said, her voice quiet and hesitant.

“Yes sweetheart?” Beca said, looking away from her phone and softening her expression.

“I’m really sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean what I said.”

Beca smiled and nodded. “Thank you, I forgive you. I know how much it hurts when you’re really looking forward to something and you get let down. I know it hurts even more when you really love the person who let you down.”

“You do?”

“Mhm,” Beca said. “I’m really sorry your dad couldn’t make it.”

Sarah nodded, and she crossed the room to give Beca a hug. 

“I think I managed to salvage dinner,” Beca said over Sarah’s head to Chloe, one hand rubbing up and down her back. “Also.” She slid her phone across to Chloe so she could see what she’d been looking at when they’d come in. “Can we?”

Chloe picked up the phone and raised an eyebrow at Beca.

“Are you sure?”

“Uh huh,” Beca said.

Chloe shook her head and smiled before she slid the phone back. “Okay, but I hope you have comfortable shoes.”

Beca grinned, and hit purchase on the three Disneyland tickets that she’d had in her basket. “It costs so much money when you book at the last minute.”

“I’ll send you-know-who the bill,” Chloe said, turning her attention back to dinner, which now needed to be reheated.

“What are you talking about?” Sarah asked, climbing up to sit beside Beca at the island. 

“You’ll find out tomorrow,” Beca said, still grinning. “I love you, kid. I hope you know that.”

“I do,” Sarah said. “I love you, too.”

[threenorth]

Pizza thin base for crouncy bread crisp, thanks new York. But Chicago has it place. Unfortunately Colorado honey dipping wasn't on the table... But

Pasta sauce, fake monzerla cheese, fake bacon,

Pinnaple does belong on pizza, thanks cannda.

Red bell pepper and impossible mince with refried beans...

Dinner completo.

Then me and mom tried to work on a cover letter for a company out of Queensland, where I'm going to apply for four roles... Looks like a really good company... Anyway then we watched the walk, directed by Robert zemkiks.

I think he's good but this story isn't his best tale.

Gump, bttf1, bttf2, castaway, I'll put the walk here, who framed Roger rabbit, then lastly real steel.

JGL did really well acting as Frenchman, but cgi makes it sad to think of the towers, but good story, pretty nice overall but missing a bit of ompf of making kids think anything is possible rather than being daredevil I guess? I dunno...

In my minecraft world, I gotta redo my cabin as it never really worked out good and now I'm getting enough resources...and trying to figure out a good design for the cabin per say...

My bridge across the river. As I pulled it up as I might redo this.

My basic sugar farm I'll think of something for this farm land now... Or completely remove it.

And redo my villagers traders like trade hall... They seem to be out growing their make shift house...whoops.

I'm about 1/8th left on my iron farm to do, for now I'll just do one level... I need to finish that up, for hoppers for my next farm...

As I'm starting a sugar farm for paper now that I have an eltra, but my subway tunnel from main isn't deep enough and but I will need to find snow soon for snow golums, that will be used to make a creeper farm for gunpowder, but that's after.

Hopefully it will keep me busy for awhile till then... Mom wants me to go to Church tomorrow ugh...

Tonight is hot and mugy it was like 24c at 9? it's almost 1 now and it's finally cooling down...

Here's some messages...

I'm not proud of my life, but at least it's better then it use to be, question is... Will it be better more when I'm hopefully going to be getting a six figures salary, I hope so...but my life has been quite fun but last year has been pretty rough... Probably one of the worse years of my life but that's life...

Not a day goes by I don't think of you, you are in my phone and in my wallet... Missing you... Always.

You didn't hurt me, I'm just vulnerable with you, and you show me so many things... Let alone your smile, it speaks to me like the art at the gallery...

If I could I'd kiss you every minute we're alone. But for right now I'll settle on a kiss through the time and oceans and air via the stars and the moon kissing my soul.

Again, you didn't hurt me, I just wear my heart on my sleeve... And I guess you just know how to break my walls...

You want to start over? We can't change the past but I'll always be your present and future.

I'd really hope you'd pickup the phone, maybe your sunday... Mondays are pretty dull around here.

Follow me home? I'm still got my arms out. Hopefully I get a good job, I think you'll like Australia except for the heat...

She kept a little box, for little mommets, and I gave her some big gifts that couldn't fit in a small box but I know, the small things I should try enjoy, thanks colombus for that lesson in 2010 (zombie land)

You didn't let me down, if anything I think you flowered my mind and soul when I needed it the most.

To the moon and back, my dear were in far away galaxy's...I miss you and love you as a far as a lightyears.

You'll always welcome back, and like I said I wasn't going anywhere fast... I might have needed some time to recover from some things you said but I still am here, thinking and day dreaming about you. If you want another chance I'll always give you one, message me anytime you want.

I need you in my life, but here's not so good Auckland crime rate is getting crazy,... Last night at supermarket down the road was held up at gun point and all the staff held as hostages, how fun.... but here in my life even virtually would be a nice place to be in...

Things can be different, if you want to take a step I'll be going as fast or slow as you want but we both know the end game.

I'd like to read it if you still have it, but I don't know if I can well, we're see if I can read your hand writing...

It's always been you, my future is with you...

If you want to see me, you know where I'll be state side, maybe I'll be working and see if I can try get to Denver or dro... Anyway, if you want to see me virtually you have my Skype, Instagram, phone number, both... What's app/signal and Facebook and my snap.

The only thing that will change for me, is finding what we can both get into, but I'm not sure about horror still... But maybe... But I need to hug you snuggling up...

Your basicly my sister, but I love you so much you are my best friend, and I miss talking with you about allot.

Romantic things, I'd buy you flowers but I don't know where to send them...I'd have a candle bath if we can find a bath that fits two tall people... Even making dinner together like we said we would...

Freinds and lovers, remember juno... Part time lover full time freind...

I'll follow you wherever I can but I'd admit, only fans was fun right? 😂

Your my person, for lack of a better word everything person.

And rip, my phone web browser crashed...

Have a great Saturday

XO

R

P.S

Today at the gym a guy said I was pretty lanky but was like woah, you got some good numbers I said maybe I shouldn't of started on the squat press 😂

[cosettepontmercys]

Hi! The text post I was talking about was the depression maximizing it's joint slay which is awful but was also kinda funny in the moment. I'm so sorry about your voice! I'm not even sure how it can be gone for that many days still but I hope you are taking care of yourself and getting plenty of rest. I'm glad your work party was okay besides that though which sounds horrible actually. I hope it is a little better by your birthday. Do you have any fun plans?

Wow I guess we are opposites in that way! Coffee is just okay to me and I would never have any reason to drink it basically, if my sister didn't. That makes sense but I think I just prefer hot chocolate in the winter I guess and soda or maybe lemonade in the summer. But I drink soda everyday haha but have been drinking it for a long time and can barely remember ever not drinking it. But I think a lot of people don't drink it as much as I thought anymore so maybe I'm the weird one and I know it might be cuz it's bad for you. But maybe I like things that are really sweet compared to other people.

Well I'm not that familiar with it..I watched a bootleg a few years ago randomly and can't remember why. Otherwise I wouldn't know about it either. I don't even remember it that much except for the basic plot and some songs which I liked. it's the same composers of Cabaret and Chicago..Kander and Ebb, and has a similar vibe to those shows. Just like a show within a show vibes if you know what I mean and what's a fantasy and what's reality and that's why I said it could make a good movie, cuz Chicago did a similar thing in the movie.

Ooh I don't really make playlists and it's hard to know what to recommend to people but I would love that if you wanted to make a playlist for me! That sounds lovely. The songs I recommended to you before were more like rock so I wasn't sure if you would like it honestly. I could totally give you my favorite Paramore songs if you want but would also recommend all of their songs cuz listening to music is so subjective. I also recommend Hayley's solo music! She put out two albums in less than a year like Taylor did with Folklore and Evermore and they have a slower sad vibe that's also similar, but different than Paramore I guess and the lyrics are so good.

Sometimes I find live albums pretty distracting honestly if it includes the crowd but I love live performances recordings if it's like acoustic or stripped down so I would love it for the surprise songs. Like Lover live in Paris was good and Folklore long pond so I guess I wouldn't mind it. I think she released a few live versions right before Speak Now TV came out so it's a possibility.

Evermore is amazing to me..mostly the song but also the album, and the anniversary is today! So what are your favorites? Least Favorites or had to grow on you and do you like it more than Folklore? I think Evermore is hard for me cuz I don't have a lot of favorites on the album but my favorite song is on the album lol and I think its good combined with Folklore. What do you think? Also I see you have been able to get back into reading and enjoyed a few reads which is good. I still don't have time right now but I will continue my Night Circus read in January. I also hope you are resting and continue to feel better!!!

helloooo my dear friend! and OH that makes sense! i'm glad it made you laugh :) my voice keeps coming in and out, and i definitely have this like, you know how people sound when they're sick like kinda scratchy deeper voice? that's kind of how i sound. and of course this last month is when all my neighbors have decided they want to be my best friend and talk to me! and yes! i think my mom and i are doing lunch with my uncle on my birthday, and then i'm going to a hockey game that evening! this is the first year in a long time where i'm not celebrating my birthday by going to see a show (covid aside), so it feels very odd! i have literally no plans! to see any musicals! anytime soon! and that just feels SO very weird to me.

if it makes you feel any better, my ex-ex-boss (boss two jobs ago) drank SO much diet coke — i don't think i ever saw her drink water — so you could always be worse! almost all of my friends love soda, so i'm definitely the odd one out in my friend group! i do love a good lemonade though, and i will occasionally drink a hot choc when it's cold out!

it's funny you bring up bootlegs because i've had two different bootlegs downloaded on my computer to watch at some point for ... the last couple of months now? i hate having things on my desktop because i don't like the clutter so i've been keeping it there to incentivize myself to watch them but ... nope! haven't touched it! haven't even opened it to see if the sound works or anything! but i've got a few crafty projects i want to work on before the year's over, so maybe one of these nights i'll put a bootleg on and try to work on some crafts! i love things that are like [media] within a [media] — it's why i love the starless sea so much, and also the pippin revival! did we ever talk about schmigadoon/schmicago? i still haven't seen that either, but it seems to be that same format! ugh i really need to be better at watching tv / movies in 2024!

i would love to know your favorites! i'll work on the playlist sometime soon and then make my way through it :") i'm excited! i don't listen to a lot of rock — did i tell you i'm seeing fall out boy in the spring? so i do have to learn their music too! i didn't know hayley had her own solo music!! i'll have to add that to the playlist as well! i've been seeing the recent paramore anniversary vinyls on twitter and they're SO pretty!!! i'm always a sucker for a pretty vinyl (not that i have the space for more, nor should i get more — i say, as i have a bunch of vinyls coming)

i loveeeeed lover live from paris! i have the vinyl for it too but i'm too scared to spin it haha. i wish she did an evermore long pond, but i also think it'd be fun if she did a midnights long pond. i find that i tend to prefer the acoustic version of songs over the original, for some reason! just something about the stripped back version of things, i think.

happy (belated) evermore birthday! i think my favorites are: right where you left me, marjorie, and coney island, but i do very much love cowboy like me, evermore, tolerate it, gold rush, etc. the one song i always, always, always skip when i'm in the car is no body no crime — the sirens freak me out! ( i also live very close to a fire station ). do you prefer folklore more or evermore? i think cohesively i prefer evermore more, but i like my favorites on folklore a lot more than i do my favorites on evermore (save for marjorie). maybe i like folklore more, actually. i'm not sure, haha. what are your evermore favorites and folklore favorites?

and no worries at all, friend! i know you're busy! excited to hear your night circus thoughts when you get around to reading it 🤍

[aikos-filibuster]

Big Data VS The Little Guys

or "Will decentralised networks become a bigger, more mainstream part of the Internet, thus emphasising crowdsourced content and information?"

Earlier this year, I became an admin for a Discord server, so I was expected to engage with its members. One person in the server stood out, he explained to me that he runs an online marketing firm in Chicago, then he said he wanted to show me something. He told me to search up a Wikipedia article, telling me to look at the image file at the top on the article. I looked at the user who uploaded that image file and I was surprised to find that it was he that created and uploaded that image onto Wikipedia, and it made sense because of his online marketing background. No one asked him to devote his time and effort to do that, but maybe out of a sense of innate duty or maybe he had time to spare, he decided to create that image which is now associated entirely with that topic. The Internet is a what it says on the tin, an interconnected network. Who could have guessed? The Internet consists of a functionally infinite number of points weaved together with hyperlinks and cross-references, forged from the combined effort of countless users who add on to the vast body of work that is the online experience. But who is responsible for it being like the way it is? It might seem contradictory to the title of this blog entry, but I want to suggest that the Internet in its modern recognisable form is the way it is today because of the success of decentralised networks in the past and present, which had always depended on crowdsourced content and information.

A Decentralised Interconnected Network?

In the advent of what really became the Internet occurred between the late 90s and early 2000s where we can observe the phenomenon of textboards where people would have discussions with other users, and blogs where users would write about any subject under the digital sun. This early unregulated “laissez-faire” approach to the growth of the Internet meant that individual communities and their users would be the ones churning out content with no fear of a central regulatory authority like we see today that could impose rules that today seem part and parcel of the Internet but would retrospectively seem almost draconian in nature. This was especially true after the Dot-Com Bubble burst in the early 2000s when created a massive evolutionary bottle neck in terms of the countless tech companies going bankrupt, where 52% of all internet-centred firms when bust when the stock market crashed. Imagine if today, half of the entire Internet just disappeared. The Dot-Com crash put many people off investing in anything related to the internet for many years and would only pick back up in the later 2000s with the rise of firms like Alphabet Incorporated, Amazon Incorporated, and Facebook Incorporated, now of course Meta Platforms Incorporated. In those dark years after the stock market crashed, it was up to the users online to fill in the vacuum that was left with a sort of Mad Max style approach where it was up for grabs due to the lack of any attempt to monopolise or centralise the web by corporations or governments. In the new algorithmic medium that is the Internet, collective intelligence and combined creative energy emerges bottom-up from the multitude of actual human knowledge, in this case, the Internet is built in a way that naturally facilitates decentralised networks growing and being an integral part of the Internet.

To conclude, the question of whether decentralised networks could a bigger force  and become a more mainstream part of the Internet is really a sort of nonquestion as decentralised networks is practically the backbone of the Internet. Going back to the story I told in the beginning, he was just someone with an idea and the means to put his thoughts into a reality. The Internet is a summation of the concept of the wisdom of the crowds, and the idea of crowdsourced content and information created by the users themselves is inherent to the spirit of the Internet. This interestingly enough makes the decentralised networks on the Internet ideally the closest things we can get to perfect democracies where it is the users who are in charge of the content they produce, who is allowed into their circles, and how they wish to present themselves to the greater ecosystem.

References

[newcatwords]

for the non-religious activist who feels awkward around spirituality in grassroots movements

i still remember it clearly: showing up to a teach-in about mycoremediation at a beautifully muraled building in west oakland.. the teach-in, run by members of oakland's black community, started out with a gratitude prayer and sage burning. i felt so awkward. i didn't know what to do with myself. so i just stood on the sidelines, looked at the floor, and tried to be stoic. later i felt ashamed that i couldn't just be chill in the situation. i'm sure the people there could feel the cringe dripping off me. i was not acting in a respectful manner. my discomfort with their spirituality was not respectful.

these days, i like to think that i'm much more comfortable around spiritual and religious people, but it took a long time for me to get there, and i didn't have any guidance. i write this for past-me and for anyone else who wants to be a better neighbor, activist, friend, and co-conspirator. many of the people that one might want to work with in grassroots movements (or even just your neighbors) are going to have some religious or spiritual beliefs. feeling comfortable with those beliefs will help you be a better and more respectful friend and collaborator.

to give you some background about me, i'm an american who is originally from the former soviet union. (for a more detailed version you can check out my blog post "where i'm from (part 1)".) i grew up basically without religion. my dad said "we're jewish," but we were also pretty athiest (if you're a jew, you very much CAN be an athiest. what a woild!). i grew up being reminded that religion is the opiate of the masses. i saw how crazy american right-wing evangelicals were, how many people their actions harmed. i saw that people did crazy things because of religion, and i knew many people (including my predecessors back in soviet union) who were persecuted because they weren't the "right" religion. heck, my family was jewish - that's like the definition of being the "wrong" religion. so not only did i grow up in a non-religious household, i grew up in a household that was actively hostile to religion. growing up in chicago, i didn't know many people who were religious, or if they were, they kept it to themselves. i didn't grow up going to anyone's church functions or religious festivals. my dad didn't even let us put up our new year's tree until after christmas "so people wouldn't think we were christian."

maybe i had a pretty extreme non-religious upbringing, but many people i know over the years (especially fellow white people) are also not religious. i guess us non-religious types seem to find each other.

but when i got older and became active in various grassroots movements, i found myself collaborating with and working alongside religious people and spiritual people. i always had the awkwardness. i didn't know what i was supposed to do. i didn't even know what to do with my hands when someone said a prayer. i just closed my eyes or looked down and hoped for the best.

my discomfort in these kinds of situations definitely led me (unconsciously) to collaborating less with religious organizations/groups (some of which are extremely radical, active, and effective!) and coalitions that included religious groups. but i now recognize that as having been a mistake.

first of all, a lot of the people you will probably want to work with to advance whatever it is you're trying to do are probably going to be spiritual/religious. if you're working with unhoused people, there will almost certainly be church groups involved. if you're working on climate change, you may find yourself working alongside indigenous people, many of whom have spiritual beliefs that drive their climate work. if you work around issues relating to palestine, you may be dealing with muslim organizations. many black radical grassroots groups have strong spiritual/religious backbones. plus, there are infinite hippies who are part of various movements, and their spiritual beliefs are as varied as they are. if you want to be in solidarity, you really ought to be respectful and comfortable around expressions of religion/spirituality.

so how to do it? the main thing is to be chill about whatever is happening. if you center respect, it's hard to go wrong. something that helped me was to go into meetings/events expecting there to be a prayer or ceremony at the beginning. there are also often closing prayers/ceremonies. it helps me to think "i am a guest here and these folks are giving me the gift of sharing their spirituality with me and the other people present. what a gift!"

of course, you shouldn't do anything you don't feel comfortable with. i've been at a hare krishna event where there was 20 minutes of "hare hare" singing and i very much stayed out of it. also, if things start to get creepy: targeting groups of people in a hateful way, or asking a spiritual entity for something you don't agree with, you are allowed to discreetly leave. this is the kind of situation where you may want to sit/stand in the back, or at the outer edge of a circular gathering.

also, continued exposure helped me overcome my awkwardness. as i got older and interacted with more people from more and more varied backgrounds, i became more comfortable around religious/spiritual expression. i'm still not about to go to someone's church gathering, but i no longer feel awkward if the mechanic says "praise jesus, the car started". in fact, that happened to me recently, and i said to him "you know, i'm not christian, but even i can get behind that." he said "amen." and that was that - it doesn't have to get more complicated than that.

and if there's a "let us pray" situation that you find yourself in, i believe it is acceptable to close your eyes and look down. you don't have to think of anything, or you can think "thank you to the powers that be that are allowing us to have this gathering, and may it go well."

finally, you may discover that there are elements of spirituality that resonate with you. for example, if i have any spirituality at all, it is possible to describe it as land-centered. i wrote about it recently in this blogpost: "on finding divinity in nature, hawai'i, and powerful natural forces". i developed that perspective because i started to take seriously what many indigenous land and water defenders are constantly saying: that spiritual poverty is at the center of the global crisis (climate change, global biodeath, extractionism, etc.). it used to be very hard for me to understand because i never had any spiritual experiences, but seriously thinking about divinity and nature helped me get there (again, i describe that thought process here). now, even if i don't believe in God or goddesses or spirits, even if i'm not worshipping or doing ceremonies or praying, i can at least say to myself that when someone talks about a higher power, in my mind i think of the land (broadly speaking. "the land" includes the lands, the oceans, the air, etc.) and how i feel accountable to the land and to life. knowing that i have that grounding helps me relate to all the people who have some kind of religion/spirituality, which ultimately helps me be a better neighbor and collaborator, and be in better solidarity with others who i might work with.

post script: dealing with woo.

i live in a part of the world that is not very dense with people, but of the people who are here, a high percentage of them have some kind of woo beliefs. whether it's crystals or spirits or covid denial, we've got all kinds here.

here are some ways to respond when a fellow human starts to share with you some woo stuff:

go gray rock: don't really engage, respond with few words, look away, etc. body language can often communicate a lot here and many people will pick up that you're not interested.

say that you're not really into that kind of stuff.

change the subject.

make an excuse to go talk to someone else.

advanced level: i once told a hitchhiker "listen, i want to believe in magic and signs as much as the next guy, but i just never get definitive proof. i can always come up with some other reason for the observed phenomenon. i just want to be sure that i'm basing my decisions on real things, and so far i've never gotten definitive proof.

you can be polite, but if someone is really pressing you hard (trying to get you to come to their retreat or whatever), it's important to be able to escape. you don't want to be trapped in a conversation because you're too polite to exit. it's ok to make an excuse to leave.

some people enjoy arguing or having a more adversarial engagement with a woo person, but i've never found that to get anywhere. a person who believes in woo wants to believe. that being said, i have perfectly acceptable neighborly relations with people who are into all kinds of stuff. we just stick to discussions about neighborly stuff and keep it at that.

[13uswntimagines]

Our Song (Alyssa Naeher x Reader)

Request: alyssa naehex reader thats set during quarantine w/ “Shy” by Alexander Stewart. I just kind of think it’s cute since she’s an introvert and that it would be fitting

Author’s Note: Speical Thanks To @literaryhedgehog​

Alyssa knew she should just say it, that admitting it out loud would finally put an end to this madness. She ran a soothing hand through your hair when you sniffled loudly into her chest. 

God, she should just tell you how she felt. But, she also didn’t want to overstep. That would make being roommates really awkward. Especially since neither of you were supposed to leave the apartment right now except for essential purchases. And she didn’t want to lose her best friend. That would really suck. 

But she wasn’t afraid to say what no one else would- you had a terrible taste when it came to partners. You chose people who didn’t value you, and you always ended up hurt. 

This time was no different, well, it was slightly different considering you couldn’t leave your shared apartment to cope like you normally would. Alyssa didn’t know if that was better or worse, considering that you had adapted your breakup routine to just be endless cuddles with her and your favorite stuffed animal.  

She had already spent the last hour making comforting noises. You had stopped shedding tears 15 minutes ago, so Alyssa decided it was time to go for some humor. “Hey, so now you and Taylor Swift have something in common!”

“Hmm” You hummed in acknowledgment, your eyes never leaving where Supergirl was playing on screen. 

“Well, she was broken up with over text. You were broken up with over text. I think this is the perfect opportunity to listen to her re-recording of Fearless, and really channel those emotions!”

“No, Joe broke up with her in a 27-second phone call,” You lifted your head up off of her very comfortable chest to raise your eyebrow at the woman. 

Alyssa was a great keeper, and amazing at crosswords, but she always needed your help when it came to Taylor trivia. 

“Then Joe showed more consideration as an 18-year-old child than your 32 year old wanna be soccer star. It doesn’t change the fact that I think listening to Mr Perfectly Fine would be cathartic.” 

“It’s kinda funny that she wrote Forever and Always, Mr. Perfectly fine, Better than Revenge and Holy Ground all about the same guy, they’re all so different from each other,” You mumbled, settling back down on her chest. At least she didn’t say that you had as many breakups as she did. That was a rude joke. (One Alyssa wouldn’t dare make. She was more cultured than the media asshats that chased your team around). 

“Woman’s efficient,” Alyssa shrugged. “No reason why you can't recycle the same emotion into a different song genre.” 

“At least she could make millions off her pain. All I seem to be able to do is kick the ball harder,” You grumbled. Your landlord complained about you practicing in the street because of how hard you sent the ball careening into his precious brick wall. It wasn’t your fault Alyssa was too slow to stop the PK. 

“Darling, considering you’re one of the strongest kickers on the east coast, I’d say that pain is going to a worthwhile cause. But you do kind of have the worst taste in relationships.” 

“Hey! Savannah wasn’t a bad choice, just bad timing,” You huffed indignantly. 

“So that would be one out of…. How many bad relationships?” 

“At least one for every Taylor Swift album,” 

“Okay, here’s a fun idea, choose an ex for each album,” Alyssa said brightly. Thinking about music would definitely cheer you up. “Wannabe soccer star is obviously your Joe, so represents the Fearless album. Which relationship is your… Drew?”

“You already know the answer to that question,” you said, already picking up your phone to add Teardrops on my Guitar to the music queue. You then quickly added Forever and Always and started scrolling through Speak Now for the next song inspiration. 

Alyssa nodded. It was a well-known fact that you had a massive crush on one Hope Solo growing up, and you had been absolutely enamored with her the second you set foot into camp. But Alyssa also knew that Hope was very faithful to a certain veteran. 

The veteran keeper had tried to let you down easy, and Kelley was still one of your best friends, but it had hurt in the moment.

“Kristie was my Haunted,” you said, smiling slightly. Dating her felt like a whirlwind, one that took your breath until you never thought it would end. She made butterflies flutter in your stomach, and you were so desperate to say the right thing, to be the perfect partner, that you always felt like you were walking a tightrope. Floating on air, but desperate to keep your balance. “At least she had the decency to wait until we were in the same city to end it.” 

“Aren’t the two of you friends now?” Alyssa looked down at you, watching as you scrolled through songs from your comfortable place on her chest. 

You nodded with a small smile. “Hmm, we are much better off that way anyway.” 

“I bet you I can guess who your We are Never Ever Getting Back Together person is,” Alyssa trilled, reaching down to take the phone. 

You playfully snatched it away from her. “Who’s to say I wasn’t going to choose I knew you were trouble?” You raised your eyebrow at the woman, who simply smirked in response. 

“I can tell you who that is too if you like,” Alyssa reached for her own phone and took over control of the speakers, adding both songs to the music queue. 

“Alright, I’ll bite. Who?” 

“You definitely knew Sam Kerr was trouble, and I think it took you 4 breakups with Leah to finally call it quits,” 

“I was going to say Leah for 1989, it took me forever to realize how fucked up our relationship was after we finally broke up,” 

“I’m sure the distance didn’t help.” With her in London and you in Chicago things just kind of fell apart. 

“Maybe,” you hummed, noncommittally. 

“Okay, so for Reputation. I’m thinking Don’t Blame Me,” 

“You did go a bit crazy for Jane…” Alyssa said with a roll of her eyes. You had almost moved to Houston for that girl, thank god you didn’t. You sunburned like nobody's business. 

“Oh come on. You just didn’t like the idea of me moving. And considering how long we had been dating at that point it did make sense!” You argued. 

“It was 3 months Y/n,” She deadpanned. 

“I was in a wlw relationship. That’s like practically three years, it’s not like I brought a u-haul to our first date.” 

Alyssa quirked an eyebrow up at you. “Didn’t you have one of those the first time we met?” 

“Yeah, because I wasn’t moving into my college apartment without any furniture!”

“Whatever you say, babe. Who's your Folklore?” She rolled her eyes goodnaturedly. 

“I think you skipped an album,” you said. This was weird because Lover was one of Alyssa’s favorite albums. “But, since you asked. I think Kelley is The 1.” 

“Ah, our favorite squirrel,” Alyssa’s lips ticked up. You and Kelley had dated in college (something that should have made her jealous), but Kelley was the one pushing her to admit her feelings now. 

“We were just too young and dumb,” you said, smiling. “We had a great time together, and it would have been fun if it worked out. But at some point we just realized, we were friends, but there wasn’t anything romantic there.”

“I’m sorry it didn’t work out,” Alyssa said, like a liar. 

“I’m not. Her and Emily are like made for each other,” You snorted with the shake of your head. “And at least she wasn’t afraid of the world knowing we were together,” 

“Well, yeah,” Alyssa smiled. She had loved seeing the way being publicly out with Kelley had brought out the best of you. “ Okay moving on! Next, we need to narrow down your No body, No Crime.” 

“I take offense. Alex is still alive, so that doesn’t count,” You huffed. 

“I’m kidding! I’m kidding. I know you didn’t kill any of your significant others,” Alyssa said, laughing. “Though if you listened to the song you would know that’s my job… ”

“Alex was my Champagne Problems,” You mumbled sadly. That relationship had been the hardest for you, as had the breakup. She was terrified of the world even suspecting she wasn’t straight. 

You had everything, except the freedom to be yourself, and In the end, you couldn’t take the hiding anymore. 

“You did your best, love. But people come out at their own pace. And it was before Obergfell v. Hodges was decided. Being queer was still more likely to be presented as a scandal in the media then.”

“She cheated on me with Serv. She doesn’t get a pass,” You grumbled, crossing your arms. 

“I’m pretty sure you were on a break dear,” Alyssa said, though she was inclined to agree with you. Being on a ‘break’ but not officially breaking up didn’t seem like a reason to start dating other people. Still getting over some of the semantics might theoretically help you move on. “BUT maybe we should move on. Who is your Lover?”

Your eyes squinted thoughtfully, a light pink shading your cheeks. “The only person who hasn’t ever left me is you. You let me leave the Christmas lights up until May and dance around the kitchen when you cook.” 

Alyssa looked away, not able to meet your eyes. ”I mean, the lights can change color, so they can be thematic all year. And you’re the one who chooses the music to listen to while I cook. I can’t help it if they’re all great for dancing.”

“You can dance to anything. I’m pretty sure you turned a Hosier song into a salsa dance last week.” You giggled. 

“The only person I dance with is you, Y/n,” Alyssa said, finally meeting your eyes. She could feel her body start shaking slightly, as the adrenaline kicked in. She was going to do it. She was going to tell you. “I don’t want to dance if I’m not dancing with you.” 

“I’d dance with you in a storm in my best dress,” 

“I have tried so hard to be supportive about your last several relationships. But seeing you dancing to your favorite song with anyone else… I’ve loved you for three years now and I couldn’t bear it.” 

The air was suddenly charged between you, and you realized your faces were just inches apart. It was hard to breathe. You never dreamed your best friend would return your feelings (maybe that’s why you had so many bad relationships). 

“Kiss me,” you breathed, slowly moving around so your heads were at the same level. 

“That’s not a Taylor swift Lyric,” Alyssa said. In her brain, there was a loading sign currently whirring in little circles, as she attempted to process what you just said. Did you mean what she thought you said?

“Baby just say yes,” You said, feeling so happy that tears were coming to your eyes. You leaned forward getting inches from her face, so close you could feel her breath hitch. “Please kiss me.”

“Yes,” was all Alyssa had time to say before she closed the distance and kissed you. 

[camxnoel-updates]

Cameron Monaghan brought the character of Ian Gallagher to life on Showtime’s hit series, Shameless. The series aired for a total of 11 seasons after originally premiering in 2011. It ranked as the network’s no. 1 comedy, longest-running series, and had the youngest-skewing audience of any Showtime series. Monaghan also joined two legendary universes with roles in both Gotham and Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order, which I got to ask him about too!

The final season of SHAMELESS finds the Gallagher family and the South Side at a crossroads, with changes caused by the COVID pandemic, gentrification, and aging to reconcile. As Frank confronts his own mortality and family ties in his alcoholic and drug-induced twilight years, Lip struggles with the prospect of becoming the family’s new patriarch. Newlyweds Ian (Cameron Monaghan) and Mickey (Noel Fisher) are figuring out the rules and responsibilities of being in a committed relationship while Deb embraces her individuality and single motherhood. Carl finds an unlikely new career in law enforcement and Kevin and V struggle to decide whether a hard life on the South Side is worth fighting for.

Along with the final season, fans also got a six-episode series that featured new Shameless scenes juxtaposed with a retrospective look at each character’s journey over the prior 10 seasons, titled, Shameless Hall of Shame. The first episode followed Ian and Mickey, showcasing their unique relationship and its evolution from a teen fling into a loving, complicated marriage.

I was able to chat with the actor over zoom and ask him all of my burning questions regarding the series finale, Ian and Mickey’s future, the show’s open ending, the representation his character provided to those watching, what he kept from the set, his future projects, and so much more! Keep reading to find out everything he told me.

So first of all, I want to say a huge congrats to you for wrapping Shameless after 11 seasons and bringing this character to life, who has inspired so many and that so many relate to. I wanted to ask, what has your time on the show meant to you and how would you describe how it helped you grow as an actor?

Cameron Monaghan: I mean, it’s so difficult to distill 11 years into some sort of concise answer, but it’s meant a lot for so many reasons. I think that obviously it’s been important for my career and my life in a sense of how it’s not only given me exposure but also given all of us a platform as performers to be able to tell interesting and challenging stories and to really develop and grow. Obviously, we had a couple of old pros on the show– when I say old pros, I’m not calling them old, just that they’re professionals and they’ve been doing it for a long time, but like William H. Macy, Joan Cusack, and a number of people who had very storied careers. Then we had actors on the show who had never appeared on anything prior and for a lot of us, we were somewhere in the middle, where we’d been working for a number of years, but hadn’t been given the opportunities to really put ourselves out there in such a significant way.

So being able to get an audience over the course of 11 years– and the show grew steadily, it was a marginal success at first, but it wasn’t until like season 4 or 5 that it really started to be seen by people and really connect on a larger platform, and a lot of that had to do with Netflix. When that happens we had such an influx of people kind of saying how they related to it and I think that that’s something that I’ve really taken away– I think we’ve all taken away, to be able to hear a lot of other people’s stories and how they’ve connected these stories in entirely different ways. Everyone has had different favorite characters or storylines and they have brought their own personal experiences to that, but for people to say that they feel seen or heard in some ways by these stories, I think is very special. You know, the character that I was playing was an LGBT love story, as well as a story about mental illness, and coping and struggling with that. I had so many positive responses from people regarding those things, and it was amazing to hear people’s responses. So I think that not only was I able to grow as an actor but being able to hear that response and feedback helps you grow as a human being too. I guess that’s what one of my major takeaways is.

What was that final day of shooting like for you, and how did you feel when you officially wrapped?

It was a bit surreal. I don’t think it really set in at first. It’s always funny when you wrap on a project, I feel like it comes in waves, and with something like a TV show, you start to feel it on the last few episodes of like, “Oh, wow, it’s going to be over.” You start trying to find your little ways of saying goodbye to people and understanding that these conversations are obviously not the last for everyone; we’re still close with each other, but you start to recognize that within the context of the show they’ll be your last so that’s a difficult thing. I’ve never been particularly good at saying goodbye, you know? I feel like in general, I’m kind of a person that just likes to be like, “I’m just going to walk away from it cause I don’t know what else to do really.”

So, we were shooting pretty late at night and we were all there hanging out and cracking jokes, and it was just of like, “Oh, I guess that’s it.” We all kind of looked at each other like, “Well, what do we do now?” A bunch of us stuck around for a few hours afterward, we popped a bottle of champagne, and we sat in each others’ trailers and just kinda hung out until pretty early in the morning, the next day. Then we’ve all kind of just been hanging out and seeing each other since. Everyone’s been really busy, thankfully. So we’ve been traveling and going to different cities for work, but when we’ve been in town we’ve been trying to see each other. I had dinner with Jeremy and Ethan, who played my brothers on the show last week. Noel Fisher, I just saw yesterday. I’m going to see Shanola Hampton in a few days. We’re all still staying in touch with each other is what I’ll say.

Were you personally satisfied with the ending of the show? I think it was very open-ended, which was kind of nice and left a lot open for the future. And was there anything you wanted to see for your character that we weren’t able to?

Endings are difficult in general, but I feel like, especially with a show like Shameless, which is a show about a slice of life and sort of how existence doesn’t really fall into a perfect narrative; it tends to be messy and kind of just continue in spite of itself, and it’s a stream of these little victories and these constant mistakes. So you can’t really cap off a pure ending to a story like that. I think that what John Wells tried to do with writing it is not really conclude the stories. He concludes certain aspects, but the way that he explained it to us is he wanted it to feel like if you were walking through the streets of Chicago, maybe you might bump into these characters. Maybe they’re still out there and maybe they’re still doing things. Some of us had more resolution than others.

I would actually say that the Ian and Mickey storyline was one that did have a fair amount of resolution for the final episode. It was about their anniversary, how they were going to deal with their future, and they’ve kind of figured out some sort of life with each other. There are still large questions, whether or not they’re going to have kids and what the terms of their marriage will entail in the future, but those are questions that are lifelong questions, and ones that I think that we know these characters well enough and we understand their relationships well enough that we can draw our own conclusions for. I think there is something beautiful about the fact that the audience will project what their future for these characters will be.

I think it was a challenging final season because of so many extenuating factors in the world. All shows, businesses, everything was trying frantically to keep up with a changing landscape, and the fact that we were able to make it in spite of all of those things, I think is a victory in itself; one that we are all proud of and happy with. I do think there’s still a future, years out, where we might return to these characters and explore them further. I think that I’m happy putting them to bed for now, I think we all are, but I would like to maybe check in with these characters in 5 or 10 years, and just kind of see where they’re at and what they’re doing.

Kind of like a little Shameless movie, just to play catch up for a little bit.

Yeah, I think that’s something that is kind of more possible now with these streaming networks. They’ve done it with a few series, to sometimes success and sometimes mixed results, but I do think there is a possibility of a reunion season or something like that, depending on where the show fits into the public consciousness in a few years, you know? It’s an open question, but one I’d be excited to see.

How you would describe Ian’s evolution and journey on the show?

I think that Ian has come a long way in terms of confidence and assuredness in himself and his own decisions. I think that’s what a lot of the exploration of the character was, especially in the middle seasons between seasons like 3 to 8 or 9, are this guy who sort of just doesn’t necessarily know what he wants for himself and he’s dealing with a bunch of surprises about himself that he doesn’t necessarily understand, or hasn’t really come to terms with. I think it’s amazing to see Ian in these earlier episodes where he’s kind of getting kicked around by his relationships and by his family. He’s kind of a forgotten kid a little bit. He’s like a middle child, who’s just sort of– people aren’t really looking out for him. His brother does to a certain extent, but also his brother is kind of telling him what he wants for himself and Ian isn’t as active.

At a certain point, he starts to really come into his own as an adult and as a human being. I think it’s amazing how we see him as not only a big brother by the end of the series, but also sort of– there’s something a bit paternal about him. He becomes a bit of a father figure, even a little bit in his relationships. I think it’s interesting how Mickey was always sort of the commanding force and deciding factor for so much of the series; when Ian was really struggling with mental illness and down in the dumps, Mickey is the kind of guy who was looking after him, but by the end of the series, Mickey is a bit childlike in certain ways. Ian is kind of protecting him to a certain extent, and even with his older brother, Lip, Ian is sort of looking out for him in a slightly paternal way, which I think is kind of interesting. He really comes a long way in sort of being confident enough in himself to start looking out for other people that I think is a really great quality. It makes him a character who has made a fair amount of mistakes but mistakes that we understand, and I think that ultimately he’s a guy that I understand and really relate to because he does have this quality to him.

So I have to ask you some questions about Ian and Mickey. I personally love them together, they were one of the reasons I started watching the show. In the end, as you said, we kind of get some closure, but also an open ending with them and it’s a happy one; they’re together and celebrating their anniversary. In your head, what do you think that their future holds? Do you think kids are in the picture; do you think they’re going to be parents? Ideally, what is your version of their happy ending, if you could create it?

I think that they both still need to do some work. I would say that they need to do work as a couple in their marriage still of just defining the terms of what is it that they want financially, sexually, intimately, personally, all of these things. It’s a show full of people who aren’t great at communication or dealing with their own feelings– I mean to a certain extent, most human beings aren’t, but these guys, especially, come from a rough background and they have that tendency of just kind of wanting to push that stuff down. Ian has really opened up Mickey and Mickey to a certain extent has really opened up Ian over the course of the series, but I still don’t think they’re fully all the way there. Mickey has a lot of emotional baggage when it comes to parenthood, his father, and dealing with responsibility.

I don’t know if Mickey is fully there. Hopefully, he would be one day in the future. And hopefully, Ian would be patient enough to give him the space to make that decision and to not want to rush into it. I do think that it would be something in their future. Parenthood was a huge motivating factor for Ian earlier in the series, going so far as to steal someone’s baby at some point because he wants to be a father. I would hope that they would be able to provide that for him and for themselves, but there’s no way to know, we have to sort of make that assumption for ourselves, but I think so.

Ian and Mickey have been this fan-favorite couple that means so much to the LGBTQ+ community in terms of representation. What was the moment that you personally started rooting for them?

I think it was pretty early. I was rooting for Ian from the first episode, from the pilot, but the second that Mickey gets introduced to the show, he brought such a fun dynamic with him. Obviously, a massive amount of charisma that was coming from Noel Fisher. The scenes were always fun, exciting, and felt steeped in a lot of dramatic tension. Whether or not they were destined to be together was kind of a question that still was developing. In the first season to the third season, the Mickey character is pretty rough emotionally and physically; he is at points pretty, extremely abusive in a way that is great for a character and for a story, but if I was talking to Ian as a person in real life, I would probably say, “Get the hell away from this guy. He’s awful for you.”

But within the context of the story, we’re able to get the internal life of these characters and we understand them well enough to really want to be rooting for them and see them succeed. It builds into this pretty epic love story of these characters that really do feel kind of intertwined by fate and something greater. It feels like you have these forces pulling for them in a way that you want with every fiber of your being to see it work out for them because you care for them. So obviously, Noel and I had been rooting for these characters the entire time, but it was really fun playing some of the ridiculousness of the situations of the two of them, where they were just very at odds with each other at times. It was a joy bouncing off of each other in both the highs and the lows of the character.

Is there sort of a message that you hope their love story gives to viewers that see themselves in these characters?

Well, I think the aspects of the characters, especially for Mickey, that I’m sure a lot of people relate to, and it is sort of the greatest tragedy of the character, is how he is deeply in the closet and he feels that he can’t embrace his own self and also this beautiful love because of this situation that he’s in; a traumatic home life, specifically an abusive father, and also an environment that doesn’t allow him to be what he wants to be. I guess the message that I do hope that people who are relating to that get is that there are places where you can be accepted and there are better options for you, and sometimes that takes time, but as cliched as it is, it does get better. So hopefully people are able to find these safe environments for themselves to be able to improve the quality of life and to get better situations. I hope that people find hope in the story ultimately.

Another relationship of Ian’s that I have to discuss is his relationship with the whole Gallagher family; that was a focus of the series since day one. What was your favorite part of their dynamic and playing off that?

Obviously, the chaos of the family is always really fun to play. We had these scenes that were kind of an amazing balancing act of like 8 or 9 people in a scene, all messing around with these different storylines that are bouncing off of each other, intertwining, and you have this really biting sharp satirical dialogue that all had a very specific rhythm to it and was a sort of flow that was established early in the show that was kind of kept across the entire series; one that was a genuine joy as a performer to play. But I think that specifically the relationship that I’ve always been a fan of and I love from the start, is probably– it’s definitely one of my favorite relationships on the show– was the relationship between Ian and Lip.

There’s not a lot of depictions of brotherhood and intimacy between men that are deeply sensitive, close, and uncomplicated. Those are definitely scenes that I felt very personally moved by, of two brothers who have just had a world of shit, a lot of complicated and messed up things that have been dropped on their heads that they’ve been dealing with for the entirety of their lives, but they’ve sort of made a pact that they were just gonna be there for each other no matter what. If they weren’t there for each other, who knows if they would have survived. I think that there’s something really amazing about those scenes in that they’re just very open with each other, and that’s something that’s established right from the start and was kind of one of those key relationships for the show that survived until the very last episode and that I’m very proud of, cause I do think that those are some of my personal favorite scenes of the show.

Here’s a fun three-part question: most challenging, fun, and insane storyline for you as an actor?

Most challenging would probably have to be… we reached a point in the series around season 8 and they were trying to contextualize the characters in a modern way, put them into new circumstances, but try to retain what the characters were, but they’ve moved a lot from where they originally were. We were at a point where we were getting so many new writers onto the series, and the show I feel struggled for a second, which happens with any series that’s been on for a while. It felt like there was a point where they didn’t know what they wanted to do with Ian. There were a couple of episodes where I was kind of looking at the story and being like, “What are we doing here? It doesn’t really feel like anything is happening with him and we’re kind of floating across these relationships.” I wasn’t sure what we were trying to say, but that being said, that is kind of true to life, to a certain degree, where we do find ourselves sometimes in these ruts where we don’t know what we’re doing with our relationships, our lives, and ourselves. There is a little bit of a struggle there and that is kind of real to a certain degree, and I do think having those episodes make when they started finding the way with the character and relationships again, kind of more satisfying cause he sort of loses his way and he comes back. So it was kind of a challenge, but I think it all worked out ultimately.

Craziest would have to be… so this is one that no one would even know is like a thing really, no one would even think of it as a thing, but the scene in the pilot episode, Lip and Ian jump out of like a window and they run out of a house to escape an angry parent, right? And they’re kind of running in a rush. So they run out in their socks, down the street, and it’s the middle of January in Chicago and the streets are covered in mud, water, and ice. I think it’s the first time I’ve ever felt in my life that I actually thought my feet were going to like fall off. I thought we were going to have to amputate a toe because of frostbite. We did the scene a bunch of times, and because Jeremy and I were young, we were just sort of trying to be tough, just like, “Yeah, whatever, it’s not a problem. We can do this over and over, not a big deal.” Then I definitely learned a lesson of like, when something is a problem, you have to say, it’s a problem.

Most fun… I don’t know if I can distill it to just one scene. I think the most fun was just getting to interact with all of the wildly different personalities of our show, and just kind of get to sit around and hang out with everyone. There were times that we would just be laughing so hard that one of us would start and we just end up crying, laughing. Usually, it was because of Howey cracking jokes or something like that, but it could be just the dumbest to smallest thing, but it’s the kind of thing when you become so comfortable with people, it just starts to happen. Sometimes it was just the downtime and these little small kind of boring or mundane moments that really ended up being some of my favorite experiences.

Did you take anything from the set at all?

I did. So in the final season, there’s a storyline where Frank steals Nighthawks, the Edward Hopper painting, and that was actually done in cooperation with the Art Institute of Chicago and the Edward Hopper estate. They did these really high-resolution prints of it that were then painted over by hand, and they even took pictures of the back and mimicked the way that the canvas wrapped over, the small writing, and everything. It’s a pretty damn good forgery of Nighthawks. So I stole one of those and that’s hanging up in my living room. I also stole one of the mugs cause in the show we’re always having breakfast and drinking coffee, so there are these rooster mugs and I stole one of those.

Since you’re talking to The Nerds of Color, I have to ask you about Star Wars and Gotham. What stood out to you about Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order compared to your other work, and what did it mean to you to join that iconic universe?

I mean, what stood out pretty quickly was that it had a tone all of its own. Star Wars is a very specific tone. It has sort of its own language, pacing, style, and rhythm; there’s something very specific about it, something that I’m a big fan of. I grew up watching the Star Wars movies and that was definitely… you know, anytime that you’re jumping onto something with an active and passionate fanbase it’s going to be slightly intimidating. There’s no way around that. Thankfully, I’ve at this point done enough projects with really passionate fanbases to kind of understand what that entails, which is that there’s going to be a lot of opinions. A lot of people are really excited about things and no matter what, even the smallest things, someone’s going to be very, very angry about it. That comes along with the territory, but that’s kind of fun to a certain degree; it’s fun to hear such minutiae and being examined, and these conversations are ones that are being had on set too.

There’s so much conversation between the Lucasfilm story group, Respawn, and EA, who are the production companies behind the game, and also the cast, directors, and everybody involved are sometimes discussing, “How does a person stand? How does one get onto a speeder bike? What kind of sound does this monster make?” And there’s always a genuine deference and respect to the series. We know how much people care about it. We know because we care about it a lot, and everyone on this project are huge fans of the source material. So that was exciting to be a part of, obviously; I mean, that should go without saying. It’s so freaking cool to be a Jedi and to be the face of this massive franchise, and to be able to not only be a part of a really well-known property and part of this large project but also to be able to tell an interesting and intimate story within it. For as bombastic as all of the action is, and as big as the Star Wars universe is, I feel the story of Cal Kestis and the people that he interacts with is a somewhat smaller one and a more intimate one. It’s ultimately, at least for me, a pretty emotionally resonant one and a story that I actually very much care about and relate to. I think that was probably the most exciting part about it, was being able to within the framework of this big machinery of what Star Wars is, still tell a story that might actually affect people and make them feel things, I think was just really cool.

Could you describe how it felt to take on the role of the Joker?

Exciting, intimidating, an honor, and challenging; it’s a role that I didn’t take lightly. I understood what it was, which is that a lot of the people who were seeing me in the role had never heard of me and didn’t know who I was, and it was a way to prove myself and to show off my take of what I could do with this. It was really cool too with that show that we were getting to do something that had never really been done before with the character, which is to show multiple versions and possibilities of what that character could be, and to kind of tip our hat to some of the famous stories that came before, and then kind of give a unique spin and show off some new things with it as well.

Obviously, that show was heightened to a certain degree and kind of existed in this wacky over-the-top violent, but also slightly cartoony universe that was kind of its own little thing. That was really fun to play around with it and to totally get to do something kind of different with that, something that we hadn’t seen before. But I think it was specifically really intimidating because, at that point of casting when I performed the episode in the first season of that show, no one had played the role since Heath Ledger had posthumously won the Oscar for the role. So the only people who had touched it in live-action had been Jack Nicholson and Heath Ledger, which are just massive, massive shoes to fill and two people that I deeply admired. Again, it’s just sort of a case of respect and wanting to kind of come in, just do my absolute best with the material, and to try to pay a certain level of honor to the people that came before.

Anything you can tease about what you’re going to do next? Any future projects?

Absolutely. It’s always difficult with this stuff because there’s only so much you can say. I can say that I just shot a film that hasn’t been announced yet, but I was out of town shooting it for a while. It’s the starring role in the film, and that will come out to theaters in the near future. I’m also working on another project over the course of the next year that I will be working on and off for. Again, thanks to the joys of NDAs, I can’t actually say what it is. I have a movie that I will be doing in June and then also I’m starting to move a bit behind the camera as well. So I’m working on producing and starring in a feature in August or September. And I’m writing a couple of projects right now as well. So it’s a loaded year for the next year, but it’s all very exciting that’s happening.

[femmeharringrove]

kiss me on the mouth but - 

aka guess who’s been listening to old troye sivan instead of dealing with their issues

Maybe Steve shouldn’t have come.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to be here, because he does, okay? He’s worked on transitioning, worked on accepting his bisexuality, worked to get out of Hawkins. Going to a gay bar is a fucking reward for all the work he’s done, for getting out and making it to this point.

He's freshly 21 and Robin is – well, according to her ID she’s 21 too, but he’s not going to rat her out. She’s better at this, pulls him into the bar and shows him what to order and gets him on the dance floor. And when he’s dancing with her, he feels okay. Safe, really, surrounded by people like him, but close to the one person he knows in the entirety of the bar – in the entirety of Chicago, truthfully.

But Robin’s eyes land on a pair of pretty blue eyes and soft curves and sweet lips, and she’s gone, and Steve –

Well, he’s on his own now.

And it’s a little nerve-wracking. The neon lights feel a little too much, the bodies around him too close, the eyes of other men on him feel more like the eyes of wolves on prey. He feels like prey, vulnerable and very much out of his element.

He’s drawn to their gazes, though, with the same fascination he’s drawn to wild animals. He wants to reach out and touch and talk and buy drinks and kiss, he really wants the experience of kissing a man without having to hide from the eyes around him.

But he’s scared.

So, when a drop-dead handsome man swaggers over, rumbling voice asking for Steve’s name, he freezes up. Uncertain eyes drag over sharp cheekbones, a smooth jawline, a pink tongue slipping out to lick over soft-looking lips and sharp-looking canines, and his stomach flutters. He’s not sure if it’s a good kind of fluttering or not.

“Um,” he says.

“This one’s taken,” another voice finishes. An arm slings over his shoulders, Steve turns his head to his right –

And Billy fucking Hargrove is right there.

Billy, who he’d believed to be straight, who he hadn’t seen in two years, who looked – well, he looked good. His sharp eyes watched the other man with a casually stern intensity, and the guy chuckles as he holds his hands up.

“My bad,” he apologizes, and the sharp teeth in his mouth seem a little softer to Steve. “You two have fun, ‘kay?” Billy salutes lazily, Steve nods, and his old high school rival steers him to the bar.

“You okay, kid?” he asks, looking Steve over. “You here with anyone?” And of course he wouldn’t recognize Steve, he looks different now. Hair shorter and face sharper and certainly more hairy than just two years ago.

“You’re not old enough to be in here,” is all he can think to say.

Billy’s eyes narrow, brows furrowing. “Who told you that, how –“ He stops himself, eyes dancing over Steve’s face. “Do I know you from somewhere?”

“Sorta.” Steve feels nervous again. “We went to high school together. I’m Steve Harrington.” He can see Billy’s brain working, and his stomach flips uneasily. He knows not everyone likes people like him, and he remembers the sharp bite of Billy’s knuckles in his skin the one time the pair had gotten into a fist fight. He’s hoping Billy won’t go that route again.

“Harrington, huh?” A slow smile unfurls across his face, and Steve breathes out slowly. “Am I dreaming, or is that really you?” It’s a play on the words they’d spoken just before their fight, and it makes Steve smile hesitantly.

“Yeah, it’s me,” he confirms. “Don’t cream your pants.” Billy’s eyes look him over, and his smile grows.

“Steve. I like it. Might be one of the most generic names in the book, but it fits you.” He holds a hand out between them, sharp grin on his face. “Nice to properly meet you, Steve.”

Steve looks at his sharp teeth, his soft lips, and slowly takes Billy’s hand in his own. Billy squeezes.

“I think,” Steve murmurs. “The pleasure is mine.”

[cosmiclatte28]

POOL (YUTA X READER)

Hello!! I'm finally back with a story! I hope it's not like a beginner story but oh well i tried!

Tw : surrounded by males. Pool game, touching without consent

Net @superm-net @multifandomnet tagging @neopalette

Here we go!! Thanks for reading hope this is enjoyable

Friday night, the awaited day has finally come! All the fatigue of the week is expected to be drowned in lots of fun games and by sharing laughter. You sit nicely on one of the corner of the common room, casually playing with your mobile phone while you wait for your best friend, Mark, rushed back to his room because he forgot his wallet. You tap your heeled boots to the rhythm of a song playing in your earpods and hum along to the lyrics. 

As you throw your eyes to the big window panel that shows you the picturesque scenery of purple sky, your smile brightens when you hear Mark's footsteps approaching you. 

"Come on, the boys are already waiting! We'll gather at Johnny's dorm as he has the most game options in the common room there." Mark explains as both of you start taking steps down through the stairs.

"Well, blame the students here for stealing the pool ball." You giggle when you remember checking the pool table with Mark earlier and found out that it was empty. 

"Right, well we can always hit the club to play but I guess Johnny's dorm has complete balls there." Mark gently opens the door for you and soon after the two of you are already in front of Johnny's dorm. 

You can see the guys gathered near the pool table and at the table soccer place.  You shrug your shoulder when Mark noticed there's no other girl.

"You wanna bring your friends?" Mark offers after greeting Johnny. 

You shake your head "I'm good. Just Johnny, introduce me to these hot people." You wink and both Johnny and Mark, who knew you by heart, just nod their heads.

There are not many boys, actually the lobby is empty and there's only Johnny, you, Mark and three other guys you never met before. 

Mark just greets them but from the vibes,you know he also just knew these guys. 

Johnny claps and catches the attentions of the boys who were chatting. 

"Guys, meet (y/n) and (y/n) meet Jaehyun, Taeyong, and Yuta." The Chicago man points to the guy with a dimple, a guy with a sharp jaw and super small face. He looks so godly, and lastly to a guy who smiles so sweetly but in a mere of second after shaking your hand can give you a super sinful smirk. 

You blink one time after shaking all of their hands, whoah did you really just hit the jackpot and you're standing in front of three deadly handsome people. 

"So, Johnny said we could play pool because I guess everyone knows how to." Mark moves to take the sticks and hands it down to the people.

"I haven't played lately, I used to play for fun three years ago." You rub your neck, feeling shy that you're surrounded by tall people.

Jaehyun smiles, "You sure? What if suddenly you're super good?" 

The boys burst into a laughter "Nah, she looks amateur." Johnny teases you and you are totally fine with it. 

You shrug your shoulder "We'll see, so how do we play?" 

Taeyong smartly suggests making a team of two and just have four of us play first and the winner can go up against the best, in this case Jaehyun and Johnny. 

"I'll play with (y/n)!" Yuta calmly assign the team and everyone else agrees. You don't mind playing with anyone because you don't want to make yourself too confident too and be embarrassed if you lose.

Yuta made a nice opening shot, breaking the balls to different direction. Everyone cheers when Mark already pockets his first solid color. 

"We're doing stripes now (y/n), don't be nervous." Yuta helps you aim for a ball. You can feel your stiff playing, well there's no warm up so you're just trying your best and at least your hits are accurate.

Yuta claps when you pocket two balls inside "Whoah you're not bad." He high fives you and your heart grows warmer. Well it's either your happiness of playing the game well or his sweet smile. 

Taeyong is the hidden ace card, on his turn he almost finishes pocketing his solids but one missed shot and Yuta is taking over the table now. 

Despite Yuta's precise shots, your team still has two more balls because you did some mistakes earlier and that aided the other team.

Johnny and Jaehyun are just enjoying it, keeping calm and helping the four of you play. 

"(Y/N), try this." Johnny shows you a steadier way of placing your fingers to give friction on the stick. 

"I am not used to it, I'll stick to mine." You tried to aim but feel something's off with your hand. 

Yuta chuckles and stands next to you "Go like this, and excuse me," He shows you his hand position and after you copy it, he suddenly holds your hand and help you aim. His bigger frame cages your shorter body and he helps you move the stick so you get the feeling.

Your heart skip a beat and you can feel your cheeks go red. No one made a comment as they are all busy watching the ball and trying to calculate the game. 

Yuta smirks when he sees your red face, he lets go off you and steps back. "Got it? Now do that it will make your shot 90% accurate." 

You focus on what he taught and sure enough put two more balls inside. 

But on the next attempt, you missed and that means it's Mark's turn to play.

"Oh dude we only need to pocket 8!" Mark was so happy and Taeyong just remains calm.

"Okay  call the pocket Mark or it's not counted." Jaehyun calmly examines the table. 

Mark thinks for a while and finally goes with the upper right corner. Everyone holds their breath when Mark made his shot, the ball bounced and rolled and made it into the hole… another hole, not the one he called.

"Fuuuckkkk" mark yelled and taeyong only laughs. 

You are still confused but Yuta is clapping so hard with Johnny "We won by default!!" Yuta explains to you and you laugh "So we're going against Johnny?" 

Johnny just keeps teasing Mark about losing and Mark is still agonizing himself. 

Jaehyun already rearranges the balls and this time, you got the honors to do the first hit. 

"Just hit super hard." Yuta advises you, and as you start to warm up from the first game, your hit makes a nice sound and the balls roll around the tables.

"Sweet, that was nice!" Jaehyun whistles as he realizes there's not much good shot for any of the balls. 

The hot man tries to attempt a short hit. He places the stick behind his back and gracefully tries to hit a solid near the hole, but he missed and you smirk. 

You've learned about the back hit before and you were once good at it. 

It is your turn now and Johnny takes a look on the table "(y/n), do you want to try do the short aim like Jaehyun did? It looks hard but it's not." 

Yuta was trying to find another possibility but looks like doing what Johnny said is the best option.

"But she might not have the height to do it." Mark blurts a comment and Yuta was ready to throw punches. You, however, only quietly bring yourself up the table. You sit on the edge and place the stick behind your back. 

"Ohh looking nice girl," Johnny comments on your posture and your aiming direction.

You move your right hand and give a very nice strong spot on hit on the stripe.

"Woah" Jaehyun and Yuta both scream and clap. You just smile "Guess I still have it." 

Johnny gives you a thumbs up and Mark is left speechless. The rest of the game happens quite fast since Johnny keeps pocketing all solids and Yuta backs you up a lot leaving you with two stripes but Jaehyun is already trying to pocket the last 8 ball.

"Come on we got this (y/n)!" Yuta cheers you up when Jaehyun missed the shot. 

You try to not feel nervous and gather your focus.

One clean shot, and the boys all have their jaws opened.

"Wait what? She did that?!" They were surprised when you made one clean shot and now you're boldly striding across the table  aiming for your last stripe.

"Take it easy." Yuta whispers and hints you which side of the ball you should hit. 

You aid his words and true enough you pocket the last stripe.

Now everyone has their eyes on you. "The last 8 ball! If you pocket this and call the right pocket, we win.. but once you miss its their win!" Mark tries to make you worked up but that makes you super nervous instead.

"Yuta do you want to do it?" You plead but he shakes his head "No, it's your turn. You should do it. It's okay to miss. It's only a game." He squeezes your shoulder and bends to match your height 

"Go hit that side and call the middle left pocket. I know you will win it." He pats your shoulder and leaves you a space. 

You take a deep breath, Johnny is watching you from the aimed hole. He also looks nervous and you did your shot. 

"Yayyyy!!!!" Jaehyun screams when you missed by a hair on the aimed hole. Johnny is already screaming around with Jaehyun too  laughing at how they win because you missed the ball.

You grin and Yuta pulls you into a hug "Great job girl! That was a nice game!" He ruffles your hair.

You freeze in his hug and pull back "What? You're okay with me making us lose?" 

You almost say sorry for messing it up, but Yuta already shuts you up. "Nope. It's a game and I'm having fun! i don't need to win, i just love spending my Friday like this!" He pinches your cheek and you blush. 

"We can play more if you want," Jaehyun already has the table ready. 

You glance to Yuta and after sending a quiet conversation with your eyes you click your tongue 

"Let Mark and Taeyong play, the winner play against us." You hand the sticks over and pull Yuta away to the side. 

"While they play, why don't we get something to eat? i haven't eaten dinner." You cock your head to the side.

Yuta gives his warm smile and touches your cheek "Okay cutie, let's do that. Look at you hitting on me smooth like butter.

You wink and Yuta only snickers "We'll see who is the better flirt-er then!"

End

[watch-grok-brainrot]

CQL Characters as Teas I’ve Had

This started because @needtherapy knows I'm a tea nerd and wanted an idea for what tea would lwj tell wwx he is... So pick a tea that suits the characters well she basically told me... and this spiral out of control... oops. sorry not that sorry. this is another tea post no one asked for... except maybe needtherapy. but she didn’t ask for THIS MUCH of it. 

Wwx: onyx -- this is a tea i got at a tea festival last year from a guy based in chicago. it’s made from a white tea cultivar but made into a black tea. it’s really yummy and pretty deep. unorthodox for sure but still rooted in tradition and well crafted. 

Lwj: aged fuding silver needle white tea -- if wwx is a onyx, then lwj is the traditional tea made of the same stuff. delicious. traditional. respected. 

Jc: a young sheng puer -- needs to mature a little. Astringent. Need time make the edges soften some. the astringency sometimes make me think of zidian. 

Jyl: lotus scented fuzhan - mellow, smooth, round bodied and fragrant. Same feel as jyl's steadiness and kindness (fuzhuan is a heicha, same category as puer) it’s a scented tea so sometimes tea snobs will look down at it. but it’s REALLY good so their loss (i’m looking at you ep 3-27 jzxuan)

Lxc:  aged white tea cake, over 25 years old. it’s respected and almost legendary but not necessarily pretentious. 

Nhs: ducksh*t oolong - amazing tea. Ridiculous name. The farmer probably named the motherbush to deter buyers. kinda like nhs’ YiWenSanBuZhi title. 

Nmj: muzha tieguanyin - strong flavor, took a little time to grow on me, classic though (not to be confused with anxi tgy, btw. very different teas. same cultivar though, iirc)

Jgy: hunan bloolong - this is a tea made from a cultivar usually used to make oolongs that was processed as a black. A named coined by harney and sons in nyc. While the tea might be decent and the concept good, it's inevitably tainted by the inexplicably awful naming. Just like jgy is tainted by his evil deeds even if he had lots of potential.

Jzxuan: jinjunmei - modern and well received. Quality but also very pricey. sometimes i wonder if it’s worth the price... 

Lqy/mianmian: farmer’s choice baozhong -- i get mine from a shop in seattle. it’s a light oolong that’s floral and refreshing. i love this tea. i love mianmian. it’s not a particularly rare and definitely not pretentious. but it’s good and definitely one i love to drink.

Wq: there is a tea that i get from a vendor in chicago called “Black Dancong Champion” that’s made from a Mi Lan Xiang (Honey Orchid Fragrance) cultivar and allowed to fully oxidize. it’s a delicious tea that’s won best tea award at a competition before. wq is the best doctor of qi shan and definitely not 100% traditional so i think this suits her. also the cultivar has such a pretty name which also suits her. 

Wn: so... this is a weird tea story but i have a tea that my dad’s high school buddy picked in yunnan. the best leaves were made into something i can’t afford. he had some cast-off leaves that he asked the tea master to process anyway. and then when we were in chongqing in 2017, he gave me about 300g of it. it’s PHENOMENAL tea but he kinda waved his hand at it saying it was second rate stuff anyway. that’s kinda what wen ning is. he’s amazing as a character -- loyal, interesting, sweet. but the cultivation world as a whole doesn’t appreciate him. it doesn’t make him any less good though!

Lsz: modern chinese lapsang suchong. The name suggests strong smoke (aka the Wens) but it's actually really soft and fruity.

Ljy: high grade jasmine green made from tender buds from an early spring harvest with jasmine flowers added and sifted out at least seven times. i love this tea even if it’s “flavored”. i like its personality! 

Jl:  pre-qingming dragonwell - soft green tea. maybe described as nutty in flavor? you don’t get too many brews from it. first flush (hence the early spring picking) and tender. i think in a lot of ways this tea shows how young the leaves are -- just like jl shows how young he is in many parts of the story. 

Oyzz: lychee tea blended with rose buds and honeysuckle buds. He's simple but delightful. (idk if this is a blend people can buy? i take cheap grocery store lychee and blend in rose buds and honeysuckle buds i buy when i’m in china... i really like a good rose and lychee combo but it’s a bit too sharp when blended and the honeysuckle does a good job of mellowing it out... this is also the ONLY tea i blend myself.. it’s just a thing for me. idk why)

Sl: aged glutinous rice scented puer - i like the texture of the tea and i also like how it ages well. 

Xxc: jinxuan/milk oolong -- a cultivar that makes a really nice round tea. it’s slightly creamy in mouth feel and scent. there are milk oolongs have have milk flavor added. THIS IS NOT THAT. This is WAY BETTER. 

Xy: unaged ripe puer - some people like it i guess? idk why. seems like a bad idea. 

A-qing: london fog (Earl grey latte with vanilla and sugar) -- soft and yummy but don't screw it up or it may not be good. also not actually pretentious tea. 

And for the antagonists:

Wzl: twinnings or bigelow earl grey. passible. doing the minimal work to get purchased. i don’t hate it but i also don’t love it. acceptable go to in hotels and restaurants when i forgot to/can’t bring my own tea. 

SuSh*t: lipton. He's not good tea. Passable cold brewed I guess. 

Jxzun: instant tea mix. >.> probably flavored. i’m not sure if i would even consider it tea... (i’m thinking a beverage like crystal light peach tea. i mean, i used to drink it and i’m not gonna judge people for drinking it but it’s not really a thing i would choose to consume anymore... but i’m a tea snob now...)

[multimetaverse]

HSMTMTS 2x08 Review

Most Likely To was the best ep of S2 so far and ended one ship while launching another. Let’s dig in!

Gaston was super fun, a very nice showcase for both Larry and Matt. This is the kind of energy that early S2 was lacking. Also feels like the first ep where East High might actually have a shot at beating North High. Covid restrictions played a role but we really needed to see more rehearsal scenes and scenes of the wildcats just being theatre kids. This also may be one of the last times we see EJ perform as a student in the musical so I’m glad we got this.  

EJ has been criminally underused for most of S2, he’s marketed as part of the big 4 along with Nini, Ricky, and Gina and Matt Cornett’s name is listed 3rd in the credits but in the early eps of S2 you’d think he was guest star. Lately he’s started to become more important and tonight was an excellent showcase of why he’s such an interesting character. I’m not gonna check but this feels like it’s the most EJ screen time in a single ep that we’ve gotten all season long. 

Of course, the main reason for EJ’s increased screen time is because of Portwell. I’ve been neutral on them but tonight they really won me over’ their scenes were so sweet that they warmed even my cold black heart. Matt and Sofia are good friends irl and that shines through in their easy rapport and great chemistry. Gina snorting at EJ’s joke was cute and I loved the shot of Gina accidentally walking into the shot for EJ’s confessional. As an aside, they’ve been doing some fun stuff with the confessionals lately which helps add a bit of the metaness that helped make S1 so great.

The real big Portwell scene tonight was EJ and Gina talking on the couch at Ashlyn’s. Lot’s to love there. Gina’s speech to EJ about what she sees when she thinks of him was sweet and her saying that EJ tried to do the right thing and often failed but kept trying echoes what she said of herself during her confession to Ricky. Also when EJ asked Gina if she understood the feeling of having her life mapped out she replied, ‘’not really’’ which is almost certainly the inspiration for Gina asking a question to EJ and him responding ‘’not really’’ in their pre S2 face time call on the hsmtmts instagram. 

EJ is still wracked with guilt for the guy he used to be but Gina reminds him that he’s grown and is a good guy which leads to her slip up about her seeing him that way vs the rest of the gang hinting that she’s beginning to catch feelings for EJ. Which leads to EJ complimenting her and them having a moment that could well have led to a kiss if Ashlyn hadn’t come home. And they cap it off with Gina falling asleep and EJ covering her with his Duke sweater. 

It’s been nice not seeing Gina upset over Ricky these past two eps and it’s a damning indictment of the poor writing and pacing of S2 that her story in the first 6 eps can be summed up as Gina being upset over something Ricky said or did. Not only has Portwell allowed EJ to rise in prominence but also it’s allowed Gina to escape the rut her character was stuck in pining for Ricky. 

I hope after S2 is over that we get an interview where Tim explains how the Portwell plot came to be. The S1 finale set up some possible interest between them as did the pre S2 face time call but nothing came of it during the first 4 eps, they stood next to each other a lot but barely interacted otherwise. Notably in 2x01, which Tim himself wrote, EJ tries to grow a beard and tells Ashlyn that he says her as so young which is extremely jarring now that we know that EJ is crushing on Gina who is Ashlyn’s age. 

Was Tim not set on doing Portwell until he realized he needed to give Gina something else to do other than hopelessly pine for Ricky? Narratively, it made sense after Rini got together in S1 to put the other two Big 4 characters together in S2 but did Tim not want it to seem so obvious to the audience so he deliberately kept Portwell apart until 2x05 where EJ’s feelings make for a nice plot twist? Was he just reluctant to plug EJ back into the love square due to how much more complicated it would make things but later felt he had no other options? Or was it just plain old bad pacing and writing?

Of course, I wish that there wasn’t such a large age gap between Sofia and Matt but there are no Gina ships that avoid that problem, there’s also an age gap between Sofia and Joshua, just as there was between Olivia and Joshua and Matt in S1. Depending on when they film S3 there’s a good chance that most of it will be finished before Sofia even turns 18 which is deeply unfortunate. There’s a broader issue of teen girls being cast in mostly age appropriate roles while their male love interests are older adults and in particular it often affects female characters of colour. Netflix has a really bad track record with those kind of age gaps but Disney has problems too as we’ve seen on HSMTMTS and on GMW where by the end of S3 they had 18 year old Peyton Meyer as the boyfriend of 14 year old Rowan Blanchard’s character (not to mention canon Joshaya which didn’t have such a bad age gap between the actors but was problematic regarding the ages of the characters themselves).

A knock I’ve seen on Portwell is that EJ is just gonna leave for university next year but that was never gonna happen, Matt’s under the same 4 season contract as all the other mains and he’ll be sticking around in some capacity much like Sharpay ended up doing in the movies. It is true that EJ will probably have to move on at the end of S4 while Gina still has her senior year left but that will also happen with her and Ricky since he’ll be graduating at the end of S4. It was a big mistake to make EJ a senior but it also may end up being a big mistake to make Gina a sophomore. It would have been too messy to retcon EJ to be a junior but Tim probably should have taken the chance to retcon Gina into being a junior in S2.

That Rini breakup was so sad (missed opportunity for gotta go my own way). They managed to get in a Troyella reference with the treehouse. This was inevitable they just have not been communicating well though now that we know that Ricky thought Nini left YAC for him some of his desperation to spend as much time together as possible makes more sense. I think Rini is endgame if the series has 4 seasons but it wouldn't shock me if we never seem them dating again and they only get back together in the series finale. It also wouldn’t surprise me if Nini never dates anyone else for the remainder of the series or at least not seriously. 

We’re not even halfway through the series so it’s way too early to permanently slam the door on Rini though this time apart will probably help Joshua and Olivia move on from their own bitter break up before it bleeds too much into their performances. I do wonder if Tim really has a clue what he's gonna do with them for the remaining 24-28 eps of the series, assuming S3 and S4 have 10-12 eps each. 

Roman Banks killed If I Can’t Love Her and the montage of all the couples or ex couples was great.

It was nice to finally meets some parents other than the Bowen’s and Salazar-Roberts’. Kourtney’s mom was played by Dara’s actual mother and their dynamic was great as expected. It seems from their conversation that Kourtney's father is dead which I don’t believe has been mentioned before. Cash Caswell.... well it gets what the character is about across. He really looks and sounds like a rich Utah republican, I bet he knows Mitt Romney personally. I liked EJ going to tell his father that he’s not going to Duke and recognizing that he wants to build his own life on his own merits. 

We saw a bit of that S1 Miss Jenn energy tonight which was fun though I didn't like how curt she was with Seb nor did I like how rude Carlos was to Seb although we know that blows up in 2x10. 

Jazzara rising! I really liked how Jazzara and Portwell are sort of mirroring each other and since Mazzara knows about EJ’s feelings for Gina it wouldn’t shock me if helping EJ out is part of him showing a softer side in 2x12.

Of course Ashlyn is VP of the Nostradamus society. It's clear her family has some kooky new age beliefs (her parents are probably members of some naturopathic medicine group on Facebook that doubles as a gateway into Qanon)

It was nice to see Big Red being such a good friend to Ricky and the return of Ricky’s infamous pillow hugs. Lmao at Ashlyn just chilling while Big Red is comforting Ricky

Also Miss Jenn saying sexy and Big Red referring to pillow talk, the writers are adding a bit of spice when cooking up these scripts.

Looking Ahead: 

Looks like Gina may be wearing EJ's duke sweater next ep according to some posts I saw. Jack presumably is there to somehow help Gina decide what she wants with Ricky and EJ though him having wanderlust might also feed into Gina’s thoughts on settling down in SLC or moving with her mom around the country.

Let's see what mom of the year, Lynne Bowen, has up her sleeves. Ricky’s bedroom at her place in Chicago looks much nicer than the apartment Mike Bowen has so perhaps she makes a lot more money than he does. 

Not looking forward to the Zoom portions of the ep but I guess it was inevitable. 

There’s only two paths for Gina’s story to go in the remainder of this season; either she decides to move on from Ricky and give EJ a chance or she decides that Ricky is worth trying again and squelches her budding feelings for EJ. The former looks much more likely after tonight’s ep but either way it needs to be handled with care. Inevitably Gina and Ricky need to talk about what happened between them but if Tim really wants Ricky to continue being a viable love interest or even a good friend to Gina then he needs to really have Ricky apologize and show a thoughtful, kinder side of him that’s largely been missing this season. 

What I think Tim is doing is setting up Portwell getting together in 2x12 but Ricky pining over Gina until Portwell break up late S3 and Rina get together in the S3 finale before they break up later in S4 and Ricky gets back with Nini near the end of the series. If I had Tim’s ear I would tell him that he should pick which ship he wants to do, Rina or Portwell, but don’t do both. He wants canon Rina? Great then end Portwell before it starts and have Rina happen in S3 and introduce other obstacles to them getting together rather than having to damage EJ’s character and make him lose another girl he likes to Ricky. He wants canon Portwell? Great then have Gina and Ricky’s conversation be closure for the both of them and have Gina and EJ get together and break them up without Ricky being a cause of it or waiting in the wings to get with Gina soon afterwards. Doing both will be a disaster and I truly hope that Tim Federle carefully thinks over his mistakes in S2 and really plans out the remaining 2 seasons of the series while there’s still time to prevent things from going really off the rails like GMW and AM did thanks to the bad decisions of Michael Jacobs and Terri Minsky. 

Until next week wildcats. 

[stolethekey]

i woke up just in time, now i wake up by your side

hello! this is for the (final!) @b99fandomevents—i can’t believe how far these two (and this show) have come, and i’m gonna miss them so much. i got to write this for @amydancepants-peralta, who wanted a fic where jake and amy have a disatrous first date, and then amy decides to transfer to chicago—jake has three days to convince her to stay.

enjoy! (you can also read this on ao3.)

It’s their first date, and it’s a disaster.

Neither of them has said anything in the ten minutes since they’ve sat down. Jake buries his nose into the menu, hoping that he looks occupied enough with choosing an entrée to excuse the heavy silence that has settled over the table. A few feet away, in the other side of the booth, Amy does the same thing.

A young man in a pressed suit and tie approaches their table, a small, nervous smile on his face. “Are you all ready to order?”

“Yes!” Amy nearly leaps at the chance to talk to someone who is not Jake. Jake tries not to feel too hurt by the desperate excitement in her voice. “I’ll take the chicken piccata, please.”

Jake lingers around the chicken parmesan but ends up going with a steak, because he’s determined to show Amy and maybe himself that he can eat like an adult. They pass their silk-embossed menus to the waiter, sip their waters, and suddenly it’s too quiet again.

“You got a haircut,” Jake notices, wringing his hands nervously under the table.

“It looks nice.”

“Thanks.”

There is a beat of silence that stretches just a little too long, and then Jake says, “This is awkward.”

Amy chokes out a laugh. “Yeah.”

Another moment passes. Jake swallows the non-existent saliva in his mouth. Their waiter, mercifully, returns with their food a few minutes later. Jake doesn’t want him to leave. He does, of course, and then they’re left in that terrible silence again.

Jake makes it through half his steak before speaking again. “Should we, um, just get really drunk?”

Amy grimaces, reaching for her water. “I don’t think so.” Her voice is quiet, almost defeated. “If we can’t do this sober, what’s the point?”

Something twists uncomfortably in Jake’s stomach, but he stabs his fork into his a piece of broccoli anyway. - It’s the day after their first date, and Amy asks for a transfer.

Jake learns about this through a wail from the evidence lockup that he hears from a good twenty yards away. He bursts through the door, frantic, to find Charles curled in a ball on the ground, rocking back and forth.

Charles gets out the details in between sobs, or at least enough details that Jake gets most of the picture. Amy put in a transfer to Chicago, it’s been granted on account of an emergency vacancy that needs to be filled, and she has three days left at the Nine-Nine.

“Three days,” Charles gasps, tears streaming out of his eyes. “Three days, you have to convince her to stay, Jake, you have to—”

“Hold on,” Jake says desperately, watching Charles dab at his face with a completely saturated tissue. “Let me get you another box of Kleenex.”

He opens the door to leave and runs straight into the source of Charles’s despair, in the flesh.

“Oh,” says Amy.

Jake closes the door behind him before Charles can see her and have a heart attack, then crosses his arms. “Is it true? Are you leaving?”

Amy has the grace to look self-conscious, shuffling her feet and shoving her hands in her pockets. She nods, and Jake feels strangely like the walls are swimming around him.

It just makes sense, she says. She has family there, and New York is too crowded, too expensive, and maybe Chicago is a better place to live anyway.

“Is this because of me?” Jake demands. “Because of…you know…our date?”

“No, of course not.” She doesn’t look at him as she says it.

Jake scoffs before stalking past her into the bullpen, ignoring her half-hearted call of his name. He blinks back the hot, furious tears forming in his eyes, and internally he starts a calendar. - On Day One, Jake calls in sick to work.

He responds to the “r u ok??” texts from Charles, Rosa, Gina, and Terry with a copy-and-pasted “I’m ok. Just feeling gross.” He ignores the ones that mention Amy. He also pretends like he doesn’t notice that Amy hasn’t sent him anything.

The morning is spent mindlessly scrolling through his social media beneath his blankets, with no regard for time or his grumbling stomach.

At noon, Charles posts a picture of the squad from Halloween with the caption “Gonna miss my favorite Halloween-hater. #SayonaraSantiago.” Jake decides he’s had enough Instagram for the day and finally hauls himself out of bed.

He orders a pizza, then turns his phone off and the TV on. Inadvertently, the pizza becomes both lunch and dinner and one Die Hard movie becomes a marathon—and before he knows it, the sky outside his apartment is dark.

“Well, that was productive,” Jake mutters, brushing the pizza crumbs off his lap before standing up to toss his trash into the garbage.

On Day Two, they aren’t talking to each other.

Amy looks up almost timidly as he walks out of the elevator, then waits until he reached his desk to let out a small, hesitant “Hi.”

Jake grabs the file waiting for him on his desk and walks out of the bullpen without looking at her.

So, strictly speaking, this is mostly his fault.

That fact does not do anything to quell the mixture of anger and hurt writhing in his stomach. He spends the day furiously completing paperwork in an empty interrogation room, jabbing his pen so furiously into the paper that he rips a hole in an I-918 and has to start over.

At noon, Rosa stops by with a turkey sub, which she drops wordlessly on the desk in front of him before sliding back out the door.

At five, he has completed more paperwork than he has in the last month combined. He drops the stack of files on Terry’s desk, forces a smile, and says, “Finally caught up on all those forms you’ve been hounding me about.”

Terry, his eyes piercing and slightly concerned, does not laugh. “Dismissed.”

It’s Day Three, and Holt has had enough.

He assigns Jake and Amy to label evidence in the lockup together, much to Jake’s chagrin. Amy turns and speeds off without a word. Jake turns towards Holt with a big, reproachful protest on the tip of his tongue but is cut off by Holt’s raised eyebrows and stern expression.

“Peralta, you need to get over yourself.”

“What?”

“You need to get over yourself,” Holt repeats. “Your partner of six years is leaving tomorrow, and you haven’t spoken to her in three days.”

Jake snorts, crossing his arms defensively. “Yeah, well, she’s leaving because of me, so—”

“I’m not sure that matters,” Holt says, not unkindly. “If you let her leave like this, you might never get the chance to talk to her again.”

Jake stares at the ground, furiously attempting to dig a hole in the ground with his toe.

“I know you don’t want this to be the way things end.” Holt’s voice is gentle, and Jake can’t bring himself to look up. “It would be unwise to let your pride get in the way of your last chance to save your friendship.”

“Whatever,” Jake mutters irritably, but something uncomfortable has begun to form in his gut. “Gimme that Sharpie so I can go write case numbers on a bunch of ziplock bags.”

Jake does not, in fact, get over himself—at least not for the first few hours. He chooses to instead label evidence in the same furious silence that has occupied his past three days, pretending he doesn’t see the furtive, almost timid glances Amy throws his way every few minutes.

Then he walks to a bodega for lunch and realizes mid-chew that this is Amy’s last lunch at the Nine-Nine, and the uncomfortable thing in his stomach grows a lot bigger.

He finally swallows his pride on his walk back to the precinct, and when he re-enters the evidence lockup the thing in his stomach has started feeling a lot more like guilt.

Amy walks in a few minutes after him, tossing a balled-up sandwich wrapper into the trash, and notices that he’s watching her. “You have something to say to me?”

“Yeah, actually,” Jake says quickly. “I do.”

She crosses her arms and narrows her eyes, and Jake’s heart sinks a little.

“I—uh—I’m sorry,” Jake says. “For how I reacted, and for icing you out the past few days. It was immature of me, and stupid, and I should’ve been an adult about it, but—well, I guess we both know I suck at that sometimes.”

Amy snorts, but her expression has softened slightly. “Thank you.”

“And I’m gonna make it up to you,” Jake continues, almost determinedly. “We’re gonna make this the best day you’ve ever had at the Nine-Nine.”

Amy laughs slightly. “I don’t think that’s possible, given the amount of work we have left.”

“Who cares?” Jake shrugs. “The best part of work has always been the people anyway.”

And for all the organizational skills Jake may lack, he sure knows how to delegate. All it takes is a couple text messages to a new, Amy-less precinct group chat and the rest of the Nine-Nine is off. Gina cashes in on a favor and gets Shaw’s to close its doors for the evening. Rosa makes a last-minute motorcycle trip to a local party store and uses a sizable amount of cash and her surprising aesthetic skill to acquire a large box of decorations. Charles says, “leave the food to me,” and no one is brave enough to question him about it.

Jake stays with Amy on the floor of the evidence lockup. They talk and laugh as they work, reminiscing about their years at the Nine-Nine and the particularly memorable perps they’ve brought in.

There’s also a supercut of the stuff that wasn’t work at all—the precinct parties, Charles saving Thanksgiving, the Boyle-Linetti wedding. There are the Halloween heists, the Jimmy Jabs, and there’s the Bet, with a capital B. Neither of them mentions the last one, but Jake is definitely thinking about it.

“Remember that time Terry tried to do the full bullpen and almost knocked a tooth out?” Amy asks, grinning widely. “I thought Sharon was gonna pull him out of the force immediately.”

“You have no faith,” Jake says, shaking his head. “I knew she’d let him stay.”

“You did not.” Amy points at him, narrowing her eyes. “You were so scared when she came to pick him up.”

“I was not—”

“So scared. I’ve never seen a grown man visibly tremble like that, but—”

“God, shut up.” Jake throws a balled-up piece of tape at her, and she laughs. It’s a real one, this time, one that’s bright and infectious.

They let it fade into a gentle silence, one that’s more comfortable than the ones of the past few days.

There’s a beat, and then Jake says, “Don’t go to Chicago.”

He expects Amy to be surprised by this change of subject—to recoil and give an affronted, “what?”

Instead, she sighs, long and slow, and closes the manila folder in front of her. “Jake—”

“I mean, I know it’s your decision, and I respect that,” Jake says quickly. “And if you truly meant what you said to me earlier, about how it’s important to be near your family and it’s a better place for you to live and you’ve grown out of New York—if that’s really the reason you’re leaving, then that’s fine. Just tell me, and I’ll shut up about it and we can just have a big blowout goodbye party and you can leave.”

Amy picks at the edge of her boot and says nothing.

“But if it’s not—if you’re leaving because of what happened on our date—I don’t want to be the reason you give this up, Amy. I know how much you love it here, and this place loves you too. Captain Holt is a phenomenal mentor to you, we both know that, and you might not get that in Chicago—you’ve done so much good work here that I know you’re proud of, and I can’t be the reason you don’t have that anymore.”

Amy looks at him, her eyes a stormy mix of unreadable emotions, but still doesn’t say anything.

“Look,” Jake says, splaying out his hands in front of him. “That date was kind of a disaster, we both know that. And I think it’s because we were both trying too hard, because we cared too much. Because we’re friends, Amy, and that’s what’s most important to me.”

He takes a deep breath, then says, “I don’t care if we never date. I don’t care if I never get to hug you, or kiss you, or do any of the things I’ve so desperately wanted to do. I just can’t lose your friendship. You’re the best partner I’ve ever had, and an even better friend, and I would be more than happy to just be friends with you for the rest of my life. God knows it’s more than I deserve.”

“You deserve plenty,” Amy says softly.

Jake swallows the way that makes his chest flutter. “I’m just saying—I’m laying my cards all out on the table, here. I want you to stay, and I respect it if you don’t want that. But please don’t let me be the reason for you leaving.”

There’s a beat of silence, and then Amy gives him a small, wistful smile that says everything Jake needs to hear.

“Okay,” he says, taking a deep breath and wiping his hands on his jeans. “Party at Shaw’s it is, then.”

Amy slaps the last label on a duffle bag, checks her watch, and stands. “I’m actually taking off early—I need to clear up some stuff at City Hall before I leave. I’ll meet you there?”

“Oh,” Jake says, a little dumbfounded.

Amy notices his expression and shakes her head quickly. “No, it’s not—I mean, this has been settled for days, Holt knows, I was always leaving at three today. So it’s not, like, spontaneous, you know. I would’ve told you earlier, but—"

“I was being an ass. Yeah.”

Amy gives him that little sad smile again, and Jake wants to kick a wall. “I’ll see you at the bar,” she says, almost gently.

Jake forces a smile and nods. “Yeah. Looking forward to it.” - When he pushes through the doors of his favorite bar a few hours later, Jake is expecting loud music, streamers, and—if Gina’s Instagram stories were credible—possibly Mario Lopez. Instead, the bar is completely empty.

There are no balloons, no decorations—the only set table is in the middle of the floor, and on it sits a pizza, two salads, and two glasses of water.

“What—what is this?” Jake mutters, mostly to himself.

“A dinner between two friends,” Amy says, emerging from behind the bar. She gives him a small, slightly nervous smile. “And if it goes well, a second date.”

Jake blinks.

“You were right,” Amy tells him, carrying a bottle of wine and two wine glasses to the table. “Our friendship is the most important thing, here, and it means a lot to both of us. I mean, that’s why we were trying so hard in the first place, right? Neither of us wanted it to fail.”

Jake nods in silent assent, not trusting whatever his mouth would say if he let it.

“But it did fail. Miserably.”

“Uh-huh,” Jake says, somewhat stupidly.

“So the worst thing that could happen has already happened, and we’ve gotten through it. And I think—I think, now, having gone through the past few days, we know enough to give it another shot. As long as we set very clear boundaries.”

“Boundaries,” Jake repeats. “Boundaries are good.”

“Yeah,” says Amy with a slightly amused smile. “So, we’re friends. Really good friends. And that’s what we have to protect, above anything. So this is not necessarily a date. It’s a dinner, and we’re a pair of very good friends who are gonna eat it. And if we want to, afterwards, we can decide to call it a date.”

“Can you do that?” Jake asks. “Label something a date after it’s already happened?”

“Who cares?” Amy smirks. “Since when have you followed rules?”

Jake swallows and shrugs.

“Anyway, if it’s awkward, or weird, then we move past it. It’s a slightly awkward moment between friends that doesn’t have to mean anything. No more silent treatment, no more rash decisions, just two friends who are still friends afterwards. Got it?”

“Afterwards,” Jake says slowly. “So—Chicago—”

“Yeah, I’m not going,” Amy says, her eyes sparkling. “That was a dumb thing I did to avoid this guy I went on a terrible date with.”

A broad grin starts to make its way across Jake’s face. “He sounds like he sucks.”

Amy laughs, then pulls out a chair and points at it. “So—pizza?”

The grin on Jake’s face softens into something smaller, something gentler. “Definitely.”

They each take a slice, then a bite, and Jake will never admit it—but it’s the best Meat Supreme he’s ever tasted.

[adamruz]

chicago pd!!

my all-time ultimate fave character: this should come as no shock, but adam ruzek 😍💕🥰

a character I didn’t used to like but now do: this might come as a shock and I'm not saying I didn't like her at first, I just didn't love her how I do now, but Kim. I think I originally only liked her because of how much Adam loved her, but I didn't fully appreciate her on her own until I did my first rewatch of S1-4 prior to S5 starting up.

I also didn't fully appreciate Al until he was gone.

a character I used to like but now don’t: Antonio was probably my 2nd favorite character in the early seasons, but I was never really a fan again once he came back from Justice.

a character I’m indifferent about: Erin Lindsay

a character who deserved better: KIM BURGESS. And Adam and Kevin and Al.

a ship I’ve never been able to get into: Linstead and Upstead

a ship I’ve never been able to get over: BURZEK and I will never be over them.

a cute, low-key ship: I guess Trudy and Mouch if they count as low-key

an unpopular ship but I still enjoyed it: I don't think I like any of the unpopular ones, but I will admit Kim and Blair were cute together.

a ship that was totally wrong and never should have happened: Upzek and whatever the hell we called Kim & Roman

my favourite storyline/moment: I have so many, but Kim adopting Makayla and naming Adam as the custodian. It just goes to show no matter what happens between these 2, they'll always be drawn to each other.

a storyline that never should have been written: Al going to jail and dying because of what Hank and Erin did.

I'd also say the entire Kim pregnancy storyline since it was doomed from the start, but I think that's what drew Burzek closer to each other and we got so many amazing moments out of it.

my first thoughts on the show: it came into my life right before the hardest time and I don't know what I would've done without it. I didn't have any clue how much I would love it.

my thoughts now: my absolute favorite show and my go-to comfort show that I watch on repeat non-stop. I love it more and more each time. I think why I go back to it, even though it causes pain and there's a lot of heartache, I know what's going to happen and I know that most of them grow from it and turn out ok.