#or positive vibes or soemthing

[innocent-until-proven-geeky]

.

[gladiatorcunt]

scared to talk about my pjo show thoughts

[savvylittlecoxswain]

Okay now I need to pick your brain about what hockey position the boys play? Cause I think previously you said Bobby as goalie? Which I love but I've been thinking about the others too😂😂

Okokok so I’m definitely all over the place but I’ll give my vibes. I can totally see ANY of the boys as being either defense or offense, so please feel free to give your opinions.

Under the cut because I type too much :)

Bobby - Goaltender

small, loud-mouth goaltender, essentially the antithesis of your typical large and much more reserved goalie

always playing the puck even though Ulbrickson tells him not to and def leaves the crease a lot, but isn't totally reckless about it, like it's a calculated risk he takes

chirping at players all the time like I’m getting Marc-Andre Fleury vibes with a bit of Tuuka Rask’s attitude on special occasion, he’s always chirping at the players screening him in front of his crease and isn’t afraid to shove them when the linesman isn’t looking (def gets him in trouble with other team sometimes)

very flexible because of his small size and I can totally see him secretly having some figure skating experience (figure skating has many benefits to hockey players)

Don - Forward (Center)

probably plays Center on the top line because stroke is all about leading the crew at a certain pace like centers set up plays, Don would have the most assists but never takes any of the credit

pretty quiet on and off the ice but his locker is next to Bobby’s, mostly because no one else wants to sit next to the obnoxious goalie but also because he likes how there’s no pressure to speak a lot with Bobby

leads by example on the ice like the other boys will fall into formation behind him and follow his lead

might not be the best on the team but has some of the best, natural hockey instincts Ulbrickson has ever seen like he can see plays developing on the ice

Joe - Forward (Winger)

winger on the first line with Don and Shorty, locker is probably situated between Shorty and Stub

gets a bit rattled by chirping so having Don as a center kind of helps to mellow him out on the ice

doesn’t have a lot of the technique but had a lot of heart and passion, leaves everything out on the ice

gets a little ahead of himself sometimes, quick on his feet, always wants to jump ahead of the play which is where his teamwork is a little lacking (but is definitely getting better now that he’s with these boys)

Shorty - Forward (Winger)

Don’s other winger, very headstrong and has a lot of emotions in the game, perhaps one of the leading goal scorers

very sociable, loved to be the center of attention and is probably the player people simp over

sensitive, never quite sure what might set him off, shut him down, or make him lose his focus so he’s either hot or he’s cold and the other boys are there to help pull him out of it

Ulbrickson was probably worried he’d clash too much with Joe on the same line but instead they clicked really well, like they validate each other’s emotions when they’re pissed over a call or soemthing

Stub (Captain) - Defenseman

“tall and lanky, and he could reach all over the place” thus he’s easily a defenseman, but like a defensive defenseman who comes up big when they need him to show up offensively

has the most experience, like gives total veteran vibes so it’s fitting that the captain of the crew is the captain of the hockey team

kind of a calming presence, doesn’t get rattled and isn’t phased by anything even if one of the other boys is throwing a bit of a tantrum

refs love him because he’s always very civil when they’re talking about a penalty or something that just happened (I’ll find a video if anyone doesn’t quite get what I’m talking about, it’s a college hockey thing)

takes the new players under his wing (ha hockey pun), doesn’t want them to be treated like how he, Chuck, and Bobby were treated when they first joined

Johnny - Forward (Center)

book describes him as poster model for the all-American boy and “pretty boys are always forwards” says my bf so it must be true

lived and breathed rowing hockey thanks to his father who wanted more than anything for his son to become an oarsmen forward, every expectation his father sets Johnny meets (but I bet it weighs on him a little)

probably one of the top scorers on the team, gets a lot of power play minutes

ready to pull Chuck out of any trouble he might get into, and that’s straight out of the book so it totally fits if he’s on the same line as Chuck

Gordy - Defenseman

described as “Big, muscular, and very quiet” so defenseman just makes sense

once rowed the entire two miles of a race with his thumb cut to the bone played an entire game with a cut from a skate blade with needed stitches but didn't tell anyone

probably gets a lot of time on the penalty kill with Chuck and would definitely without a doubt lead the team in shots blocked

Chuck - Forward (Winger)

winger and team enforcer, which is hard because fighting isn’t technically allowed in college (if we’re talking college that is)

absolute chatterbox in the locker room and on the ice, probably the person people want mic’d up but might not be pg enough

If there’s a scuffle, it’s almost guaranteed to be Chuck in the middle of it, probably gets a lot of penalties tbh

the teams “spark plug,” the guy getting the boys revved up and firing on all cylinders both on and off the ice

Roger - Forward (Winger)

a fairly defensive forward, gets a lot of penalty kill minutes and I feel like he gets a lot of short-handed goals

maybe he played defense for his last team but Ulbrickson thought he’d be a great match for Chuck (and they were right)

where Shorty and Joe are great minds think alike, Roger and Chuck are like opposites attract, they balance each other out on their line and carry each other’s slack

[fancylala4]

Hey,

What do you think of Taylors " Sqaud" of friends.

Like, it's weird how you don't know who soem of her friends are until they make a comment of if there's a photo...like either Emma stone ( which I feel she only out their " friendship " in the headlines because emma and Joe have a film together and I'm guessing taylor wanted some fire storm around that )

Blake livly gives mean mean girl vibes ike she'll act that she's this mum who loves to bake and be a good friend but she did have a wedding at a plantation and there's other stuff that I can't remember right now.

Lena Dunham. ( I can't withbthst woman - like have you seen her insta post she tries to be like a model but it's awkward and cringe, and all the other things that I can't bare to actually write)

Keleigh teller...like talk about mean girl, and how she loves to post about her lavish life ( I feel sorry for miles sometimes) and I find it funny it wasn't until top gun 2 came out we even know that Keleigh was friends with Taylor.

The football wife ; britney like she obviously loves the attention more than her family, like I bet you she'll name her next child after taylor in some way - Robin if it's a boy and one of the many girl names taylor has sung about.

I'm hoping someone it's taylor again ..because with all the sings she's released to stop other artists, there's enough evidence to show, and even okd interviews about her relationships.

What I don't understand is how the documentary about scooter and taylors fued isn't getting talked about.

Like taylor knew about the whole thing, I believe it was all orchestrated to make her the ultimate victim.

And what annoyed me is two poscasters who a woman talked about it...but they are so " go woman" " dont talk bad about other woman" that they just said poor taylor - i think even said soemthing like she was a teenager when she signed and probably trusted the men around her ( even though woman do horrible things to and not just men and everyone deserves to be told when they've been shit)

She's going to do something that shifts people and that shift will cause people to actually look at her and see her for who she is.

I didn’t comment on her girl squad because I don’t know who’s even in the squad anymore. I know Selena was friends with her but I think something happened between them. Lena is an awful person who has no talent whatsoever and being friends with Taylor makes a lot of sense since they are similar in personality. I also get the feeling that she hated to be seen with the squad because she looks like the odd woman out. Blake is basically irrelevant and I will always side eyed her when she had her wedding on a plantation. Though her friendship with Taylor made sense since Taylor has done similar things like that. I don’t know who footballer’s wife or teller are. Isn’t Sabrina and ice spice in her squad now? She switches friends as often as she does with her clothing. It’s hard to keep track of.

I don’t really know much about that whole situation with scooter and Taylor. But I think it had to do with her masters? I think artists should own their music. However, Taylor was in a better position than others because she used her power and influence to break free. She was incredibly lucky that worked out for her. Though I could see her opening her own company and screwing over artists signed under her like scooter did.

[gwenlovesreggie]

The characters of marauder era as girl group kpop idols

(i don't listen to boy group very much so i can only do girl group very well, this is where the male characters are genderbent)

Regulus would be like Wonyoung of IVE of course, bc she gives off such wealthiness vibes and the concept of IVE fits her (genderbent regulus) well since it is so rich girls who are so pretty and elegant and seem so better than you, also Regulus would be like Wonyoung bc of the fact that her mere existence would piss people off and make the headlines all of the times bc of there jealousy. Also, like Wonyoung she would be so smart and good at everything. Her song would be I Am by IVE. or Eleven by IVE. But Regulus would be short unlike WOnyoung who is so tall. Bc i cannot imagine Regulus being tall. If not WOnyoung then Sakura just bc Sakura is my #1 kpop oshi so I don't want anyone but Regulus to be alloewd to be her lol

Barty look like Chaewon from Le sserafim/Izone (i like Izone music better than le sserafim), i am so positive of this. Barty would sing Baddie by IVE or soemthing, or maybe Unforgiven by Le Sserafim. Since Barty look like Chaewon and Regulus is Wonyoung in spirit they can sing Catallena together a song which i like bc of the lesbian lyrics

Jaxxsin Thicass would be well idk most kpop girk group girls arent super buff but Kazuha of Lesserafim looks strong and everything so maybe her. Or Taemin of SHinee i guess he is buff right? idk boy groups well. Jaxxsin Thicass would sing hmmm maybe bubble by stayc bc i don't like that song very much. OR maybe I got a boy by SNSD (i like that song and love SNSD but the songs about being a gossiping person complaining about others being happy so it fits Jaxxsin)

The marauders would be in Itzy or something idc they sing Dalla Dalla

Lily would be Jessica by SNSD bc Jessica looks good with reddish tones in her hair and bc Lily would sing SNSD songs well like The Boys and Run Devil Run she give me that 2nd gen vibe

Ok i will try more on the marauders Sirius can be uuhhhhhhhhhhhh Chaeryeong of Itzy she will sing Dalla Dalla

James can look like hm james also give me the 2nd gen vibe so maybe someone else of SNSD like Sooyoung or someone actually she doesn't seem anything like Sooyoung so maybe someone like Ryujin of Itzy she can sing Dalla Dalla

Remus can be Minju of IZone yes this one is clear to me she can sing La Vie En Rose by Izone or Moonlight Sunrise by Twice. Well Izone is a huge group so its fun to imagine that everyone will sing La Vie En Rose together

I can't make anyone into Peter bc some kpop fan will find this post and be like "you are trying to call my idol ugly" NO! I'm not! She will sing Dalla Dalla

Evan will sing ETA by newjeans and will sing Ditto by Newjeans with REgulus and Barty beautifully

please message me if you need to know any of my thoughts of other unmentioned characters or if you want to get into a fight with me over my opinions

[take-ya-to-the-ghey-bar]

Darling anon (i feel a bit less stressed and kinda find that being my tag name kinda amusing to me but it’s mainly to identify as the same person etc.) (feel free not to answer this but this is just a response msg rather than leaving it open so you know I’ve read it)

I appreciate you taking the time to reply and thanks for also understanding, a lot of people might’ve gotten angry over me mentioning stuff like that though I didn’t expect you to as I enjoy the blog as I said, seems like a safe space, and you seem like a kind person.

I also rationalised with myself about how it could just be that as a woman you hadn’t considered anything like that off the bat as you perhaps weren’t used to it, or don’t experience it etc. so it wouldn’t of been actual judgment, just simple inexperience.. though I thought I’d set it straight as well as I also didn’t want to leave you feeling weirded out either and it didn’t sit right considering the intent of the ask was to send get well vibes/check in you’re alright as sometimes people just need that.

(I don’t hate you for role playing a gay guy, anyone should be allowed to RP anything as long as they’re sensitive/respectful to real life people as well, I only would’ve felt unhappy if it was that you RPd a gay character but weren’t understanding/got funny about real life behaviours or more intolerant to irl gay peoples behaviour/speech/all that, just as some women I’ve come across treat real gay people very different to their favourite gay characters, even if it’s positive obviously there’s such thing as positive homophobia as well, and I needed to understand what was happening.)

Hi again dear~, and i know you said i haven't got to answer this-- but, in turn i wanted to do so just so you know i've seen and read your message as well-- (it just took me a bit to reply this time as i was waiting until i had my laptop again)

Anyway though, i'd like to open this reply with a small apology for if i've misinterpreted/misunderstood anything from both this and your last message, given that sometimes my comprehension can be a little iffy-- But aside from that, i'm still glad to hear that you enjoy my blog~ and still think i seem like a good person even if that initial ask gave an impression i wasn't aiming to give--

Seeing as i do try my best to be an understanding person, and even in moments when i might not fully understand, i'll try my best not to treat anyone without at least a little kindness-- (unless they've done something to deserve otherwise, but that's another issue all together--)

And yes i do admit that thanks to both my status as a woman, and in part thanks to my background as well, i may not have as much experience/understanding of things in a gay/queer space-- i again try my best to be understanding about things i may not know much about, and hopefully plan to learn more about these things in the future… I do appreciate you trying to be understanding with me in return about that, though~ and very much still appreciate the good vibes you originally came to send💕

(aaaa i'm glad to know you don't hate me for soemthing like that-- as i agree, anyone should be allowed to rp whatever they like, so long as they're respectful and such to those irl it may deal with or effect-- because i 100% don't agree with anyone who would treat, for this example, someone gay in real life differently than you would any other person-- even if you do so in a way that's seemingly positive, but like you said, instead ends up being positive homophobia-- because to me, regardless of who a person is, so long as they treat you kindly/with respect they deserve the same in return--)

And to close out this ask, i apologize if i didn't touch on all your points-- But for now this is the best response my brain can give me, so i hope it covers things well enough ; w ;" Tough i'll also close with wishing you well, and hoping that you're having a wonderful day~

[katyobsesses]

I want to love and be loved in return. It's cheesy, I know, but it's what I long for, deep down inside.

I want to find my person. I want soft Sunday mornings. I want hugs from behind and kisses on cheeks. I want forehead touches and hair pushed behind ears. I want to bake cookies with someone by my side. I want kisses that feel warm and right. I want a partner by my side helping me through the tough times. I want someone to help in return. I want late night talks about everything and nothing. I want quiet evenings binging a TV show. I want someone to sit next to as I read a book. I want to just exist with someone by my side. I want songs sung in harmony. I want communication. I want give and take. I want a domestic kind of love. I want a soft kind of love.

I want to also find my people. I want to have my found family. I want friends who feel like soulmates. I want a house big enough to host board game nights with enough room for people to stay over after. I want Karaoke nights in a bar where we're the most obnoxious group there and no one cares. I want to be the mom friend. I want friends to fuss over and spoil. I want friends who fuss over me. I want a give and take sort of friendship. Two sided. Trust and stability.

I want to be a parent. In whatever way that manifests. A baby I grow and birth. A baby my partner grows and births. Adoption. Children of friends or family. I want to teach a soft kind of love to a new generation. I want to teach them to be kind and to love. I want to watch someone grow up before my eyes. I want their unyielding love too. I want to be a steady place for someone to land. I want to be a constant in someone's life.

I long for love. I long to love. I long and I want.

[hopeheartfilia]

i dont know ben but i greatly approve of his sweater

[everythingthemoontouches]

Hiii Jahn!🌙 I’m just a new follower. I discovered you while searching for D9 asks. I was amazed by your in-depth explanation on each placements. 🤍 I’d like to send in my D1 & D9 charts also for future spouse reading to understand more about it.Thank you so much!!🤍 Please take your time. I’ll patiently wait. 💕 Hoping you’ll have a lovely day/night! 🌹

Hello there

This, my love has been a longtime coming. First off I'm gonna introduce you to an intuitive read and then present it in a more formal, bulleted manner. You seem to ha e chosen quite a challenging path in this lifetime. Props to you for bravery. And a hug + some tea to help you brave it 💕 your life could be a beautiful movie on love, healing, growth, spirituality and personal power.

Future BAE seems to be stable, practical reliable with service being his love language. He is down to grow together, and help you walk in your power.

Taurus rising.

Scorpio 7th house. + Pluto + moon.

Wow. Lots of shadow work involved when it comes to close personal relationships. You need to turn that critical eye inwards.

Untill you work at managing or integrating your inner child issues, any partners you end up with will continue to trigger you. At its best, this is someone who helps you work through your feelings. Breakdown. Confront reality. Breakdown and rebuild yourself stringer than ever. A hades and persephone kind of love. Lots of sexual allure. Strength, protectiveness, passion, push and pull, makeup sex? Specially since the ruler of the 7th house (Mars) is in the 5th house. You're not the kinda person who'd be happy to marry just for stability. Passion and mutual attraction, love is a must.

Mars and rahu. Service. Over exerting for those you love. Days spent in bed. Service kink. Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets.

You're definitely attracted to people who help you better your place in the world. They have to have a little bit of ' I wanna do good / change the world in them'. A friendly leader kinda figure. Disciplined.

Your darakarka Mars is retrograde. Controlling. Dominant. Future BAE is definitely gonna overthink themselves into a worry when it comes to dating and wooing. Or they could think that only their way is the right / best way to do soemthing. Poor lil baby( I say baby, but as a Virgo Mars they're probably the person who takes charge, plans, overanalyzes things has a set way of doing things.) this could be someone who is an advocate for universal free education, teaches children for free or some such. Could second guess themselves when it comes to taking action.

Mars Rahu conjunction: sub kink. They'd want a lot of adulation. Could be from a different culture from you or have studied in a very different environment.

I think your fs gets better at dealing with overthinking after you guys tie the knot. They learn to be more at peace with themself, letting their intuition guide them instead of focusing too hard on trying to do the logical thing. Okay with being messy. May like to act and arrange things behind the scenes. Imagine coming home tired to find that they've already called the restaurant, arranged for your favorite food to be dropped off, warmed, alid out on the table. Gives me the vibes of a puppeteer(katputli - a rajasthani folk dance)pulling the strings. You can't see them, but the show goes on.

From being ficusssed on accumulating wealth your focus goes towards doing things that boost your sense of Self confidence. You could also grow more tactful as you learnt to seek out harmony. You probably become more direct and assertive as a result the peopep you attract are more easy going / Libra like.

I'm seeing a house for a wedding present? Or moving into your spouse's ancestral home. They could also come from a matrilineal lineage.

Your household could be supported by one or both of you working in tax, insurance, financial industries. There could also be soemthing related to life insurance.

Pluto and Saturn in the 7th is a tad concerning. There's a very heavy sense of some kind of karmic duty. Saturn is exalted in Libra.

Way too controlling. Narcissism. Moon Mars mother. Karmic ties. Moon 8th house.

U must learn to stand up for yourself.

If you're meant to have any babies in this lifetime, they'd probably visit you in a dream or a psychic trance before they come down to earth. Call it mothers intuition. This is just a gut feeling wrt your moon in 8th house in Scorpio in the D9. I say this because the moon rules the 4th house of home, and children are an important part of the house if you're a mom. The 4th house is also the home/ heartland what you'd protect.

You suppress your emotions. Emerges as a volcano. But a cold one. U turn to ice and grow aloof.

Out of body experiences

You need to learn to be more dominant and combative. I'd suggest watching the teal Swans video on creating a zero sum game in relationships. Strengthened by Aries ascendant in d 9. This life u gotta learn to fight for yourself, and not sit quietly because people attacked u or kept u under their thumb when u were younger by a strict dad.

OK, now let's look at the placements and aspects

D1 lagna (ascendant) VS D9 lagna

You go from comfort stability minded to taking more risks and initiative. Self Confidence increases. Assert your needs better.

Vargottama Moon

The moon is quite dominant as it does not change signs between d1 and D9. You're super cooperative and hate to disappoint people. I'd suggest reading up more on Anuradha Nakshatra.

Moon - Pluto - 7th house

Could indicate karmic ties or past life connections to FS. You work through a lot of your own inner insecurities, self doubt, lack mindset related issues in close romantic relationships. There could be some mother wound related issues. You can only love as deeply as you allow yourself to love yourself. In order to attract people who inspire positive growth in you, you must first sit with your shadow, examine why people trigger you, and make peace with yourself or, perhaps your mom?

Mars Rahu - sextile moon

Mars and Rahu are both impulsive action oriented Planets. Them sextile your Pluto and moon could lead you to feel quite triggered and attacked by the slightest hint of advice or suggestion from someone else. Sex with the wrong people can really mess with you. In a better manifestation good sex has you feeling liek you can change the world and also that you're super safe and secure.

Venus combust - 10th house

You need to feel appreciated for your uniqueness. Ego battles could arise and get in the way of finding, expressing love.

Saturn- Ketu Pisces

The ruler of your 7th Nakshatra this is someone who loses themself to community service, could do too much for the wrong cause. Money could come in from fish farming. Seduments or other aquatic culture.

Anuradha 7th house

This is a Nakshatra that focuses on achieving success by working with a group. Your fs is collaborative and good at managing people. Someone who shares success. And is hence likely to go far ahead in life. Major success may come later in life.

Mars 7th house

Expect healthy amount of frank, direct communication. Some arguments with FS. But there's also protectiveness, concern, and the will to do the best by someone. Mars and moon aspects indicate a healthy sex life. They're probably enamored by you. You in turn would find them super sexy.

7th Nakshatra lord and Ketu

Your fs and relation with FS is a highly spiritual one. You could both be looking for a soulful connection. There is love, there us duty there is a need to help each other value time, focus on the future. They could have been a strict disciplinarian figure Ina past life. You both probably have a knack to look down at your phone just in time tos ee an email / message alert from them? Perhaps you two run or help/volunteer at an institution for the mentally challenged.

7th house relation to pieces

OK, so this is where we have a lot going on. Mars opposes saturn. And is placed with Rahu. Mars here feels restrained. Your fs could feel blocked in their creative gifts. In the sense that all they want to do is focus on it, create, post, gain fame but saturn and Ketu try to restrict their creative time. They could be perfectionists. Having to redo things. Since Rahu is also in virgo there's a focus on creating things with the hands and fine tuning every single detail. Directed towards you, this is someone who is always encouraging you while trying to micromanage a lot of details because they think they're being helpful. This is sosmrhtinf you two could have in common so

Mars Darakarka: they teach u to fight for you. Opinionated. Honest. Perfectionist. Service before self. Hardworking. Have integrity. Very active mind.

Mars conjunct Rahu-venus D9 creativity

The 5th house rules creativity and with your venus in the 9th house in D9 your fs is someone who encourages u to be more creative and follow or take up a course to be better at your hobbies. It's like full creative freedom to be you and do you.

D9 Exalted Saturn

Justice. Duty. Not very affectionate but they make sure you have everything you need. Balanced approach. Someone thoughtful. They're fair in a fight.

Libra, venus ruled 7th house

Beauty, peace and harmony in thr relationship. You're not gonna feel like you're being taken for grated. They will treat you to nice things and probably have a schedule for dates and other such romantic leisure activities.

Jupiter rules 9th, in 2nd house

Philosophy. Art. Culture. Museums. Travel coudk be a key focus in your married life. This is something you two bond over. Could also strike God fortune when u do travel or go on pilgrimages. Luck and money via foreign sources.

Rahu in aquarius

Social media influence or you get better at making friends just make sure that they're not provoking you into taking uncalcukated risks or actions that are wya too bizarre. Could denote some kind of breakthrough with technology, a love for a high end gadget driven spaces. An interest in Photography. Any couples pictures posts would be well received. Like you're the couple that looks exotic in their photos. Radiant. Aloof, intellectual, stimulating and even more appealing together.

Jupiter Taurus in 2nd house of D9

Debilitated Jupiter 9th house- religious issues - venus 9th house - conversion?

You may have struggled with religious ideologies being forced on you, or the one you were born into didn't quite feel right. Your fs may follow a different religion or show you that being religious does not mean you feel bad about some of your lifestyle choices.

Pisces Mars d9: he is either tactful and charming or a bit manipulative. You may feel like you prefer to act behind the scenes. It may be a little hard to be recognized for the things you do untill you get really really angry.

D9 Cancer 4th house: the home is a serious source of pride. Beautiful interiors and you'd be quite guarded about who you invite over. The best meals. Soothing interiors.

Pilgrimage within the 1st year of becoming a mom ( Jupiter's aspect on the 9th house)

Venus in Sagittarius D9: future BAE is gonna love his freedom. He could be a workaholic.

Alrighty, that's all I've got today. I hope this helps. I wish you the best on your healing and integration journey

[binniesthighs]

♡nsfw alphabet w minho♡

I tried my best to make a list of my own, but I borrowed a few terms from this lovely template! 

requested by a cutie anon! 

Aftercare: (what they are like after sex) ok, so I see minho as someone who would be super caring after you’ve both properly come down and would want you to feel as comfortable as you can be--he doesn’t want you do have to do much. I am a big believer in minho drawing you a bath to help you relax and get cozy after: he’d hold you in his arms too while giving you a little massage. 

Bdsm: (are they into it? how “hard” do they like to go?) yes. the answer to this is yes. I feel like minho is one who really really gets off to the feeling of being the one in control, and knowing that you’re under his control. hearing your little whimpers, or seeing the way that you toss around when he’s using toys or has you bonded turns him on like no other. along this line, I feel like he’d also gladly tease you relentlessly until you’ve got tears in your eyes. he’ll only give you what you want if you ask him nicely 

Cum: (anything to do with cum) sooo minho loves cuming on you. he loves it a ton. for him, its the perfect picture when you’re gasping underneath him, just off your own orgasm, hands bound or clawing to the bed when he’ll cum on your chest, or your back, mayyybe even your face if you’re comfortable. oh! if you’ll cum on him...he doesn’t mind that either.

Degredation: (do they like using names on you, or for them?) as we have seen above, I feel like he would be into using degrading names, or having you say them back to him, for example: “you’re such a whore for my dick, tell me that you’re a whore for me.” etc. Of course, he never means what he says, he just knows that it amps things up for the both of you. 

Experience: (how experienced are they?) minho is fairly experienced, and also knows well what he likes and knows how to ask you what you like as well. minho isn’t scared to give you instructions or guide you in how you pleasure him as well--he would ask you to do the same!

Favorite (pet names): well, i think that there is a general consensus that minho likes kitten and kitty--it just makes sense lol. Otherwise, the softer ones would be my love, sweetheart, hun, doll, baby girl/boy etc.

Gagging: (size kink perhaps?) I think yes on this one. minho is alll about the power that he has over you, so seeing you gag would boost his confidence. knowing that you have to work a little harder to take him in reassures him that you’re his and that you only bend to him. at the same time, he would never push you to do something that made you uncomfortable and would ask you if you wanted to use safe words/ symbols. 

Hair: (how well groomed are they?) this is kind of funny because I think that minho would actually really care about this. mostly from a functionality standpoint, but also when he’s trimmed he feels more confident and like he’s got everything together and organized for when he’s with you. 

Intimacy: (the romantic aspect) so minho has 2 modes, and they vary depending on his mood or yours. mode 1 is where he’s doming the hell out of you and he gets to do what ever he likes, making you cum over and over again, teasing you for as long as you can take it and doesn’t show much mercy. on the other hand, when the vibe is different, holy hell he can give you the softest, most intimate sex that you can ever experience. i’m picturing super slow and deep thrusts into you, kissing you just as slowly in between while he tangles up his hands in your hair u g h i love thinking about this 

Jack off: (all about masturbation) I see Minho as one who would jack off really lazily, much later at night when there isn’t too much else to do; it isn’t something he prioritizes often unless there’s something that crosses his mind that really turns him on, he’ll even risk doing it somewhere semi-public if it means he gets to roll the image over and over in his mind, especially of you. Oh, and he loves jacking off in the shower when its steamy and warm, I don’t make the rules!! 

Kink(s): Minho loves having you all dressed up for him, I’m talking lace, velvet, anything strappy, harnesses, collars, chokers, thigh garters, maybe some kitten ears, mostly he just loves watching you and this is like icing on the cake. I see him having a hand kink as well?? When he’s worshiping your body, he watches his hands trace you all over, he loves it when you suck on his fingers, or when he rubs his thumb over tongue. Also, breath play, edge play and voyeurism!  

Location: anywhere. and I mean it. the more risky it is, the more exciting it is for him. bathrooms, locker rooms, dressing rooms, kitchen, living room couch, dining table, shower, bathtub, hotel rooms, the place doesn’t matter, it’s you that does. he would never miss an opportunity to be intimate with you whether its more slow and passionate or sweaty, rushed and needy. 

Multiple (partners): i think that this is something that minho would be open to! but not at first. minho is someone who can be very possessive at times, so sharing you with others when the realtionship is new makes him a little nervous--bc he wants you to be all his! after a while though, the idea of sharing you with someone and watching you get wrecked under them...he wouldn’t oppose. 

No: (something they won’t do, turn offs) while he won’t say no, daddy kinks aren’t his favorite, it’s simply something that doesn’t turn him on; he prefers to be the one calling you names hehe. he’s mostly an open minded person, just because he gets off on helping you get off. 

Oral: loves loves giving oral to his partner, it’s one of his favorite ways to begin foreplay, he’s exceptionally skilled as well, and knows perfectly how to use his mouth to tease. gives one hell of a blowjob, and knows how to make you cum over and over just from his tongue on your clit. he won’t ask you to blow him, but rather tease you until you’re begging to do it for him. 

Pace: super slow or super fuckin’ fast. there is no in-between and that’s that on that! if you ask me, as much as he revels in pounding you into the bed, it’s the slower and more sensual moments that linger on his mind longer. 

Quickies: i think this goes without saying, but minho never passes up the opportunity to take you right then and now. funnily enough, if you’re at work/school and send him a message about how you might be feeling a little horny, this man will drive all the way to you just to help you out. lil anecdote: his favorite thing to do is fuck you bent over a bathroom sink, battling the time before someone notices you’re away. he loves watching your fucked out face in the tinted green bathroom mirror. 

Ropes: (tying you up au) i added this to the list mostly for fun, but also I’ve got this idea of minho loosing his mind over having you tied up or restrained. ropes, ribbons, velvet, bow ties, handcuffs and much more. there’s nothing more that he likes than seeing you all helpless and not able to do anything about it. he thinks you looks so pretty tied up especially if it’s ribbons of pretty colors that look beautiful on your skin. 

Stamina: bucket loads. I’ve definitely seen something somewhere talking about how minho’s got a dancers stamina and I can’t agree more. minho’s got the stamina to draw out his thrusts for hours or give it to you as quickly and as roughly as he possibly can, granted he’ll be a sweating mess by the time that he’s done, but he sees that as sign that he did his job very well. 

Toys: in my oponion, yes and no. lolll I say this for the reason of minho’s ego getting in his own way. he feels fuckin’ amazing knowing that he can make you cum as hard as you do only from his body and would much rather use the tools at his disposal rather than toys...but...seeing what toys can do to you and how he can use them to his advantage is soemthing he won’t pass up. His personal favorites are all kinds of vibrators, cock rings, hmmm and occasionally nipple clamps

Unfair: (tw: dubcon) (how much that they like to tease) oh my, very much so. fuck, it’s probably his favorite thing to do to you! I’ve said before on this account that minho is into teasing even when it isn’t “that time” meaning he’ll brush up against you in public with his hand or grind himself into you when you’re sitting in his lap. his hand will creep up your thighs slightly when the two of you are in the car together to make you squirm a little bit. and of course, he’ll tease you for real when he’s got you all to himself, and would do it for hours if you let him. 

Volume: frick i love thinking about this!!!! i see minho as being someone more on the quiet side: shaky exhales, choked little breaths, the occasional soft “mmm” or “ahh.” if he’s really loosing himself in it however, looking down at you with tears in your eyes, or drool slipping down your neck from blowing him, he’ll let out some of the most unapologetically erotic moans on his pink lips

Wild card: (you pick!) i would like to use this place to talk about how much a bratty sub makes him go frickin’ feral. There is something about the way that you bite back at each of his demands, it only makes him want to dig into you even harder. you’d say to him as he’s relentlessly fucking into you “i-is that all that you can do? you’re bo-boring me...” in seconds, he would have you flipped around into a completely different position, something you didn’t even know existed that makes your muscles burn but your heat ravenous. he’d say, “if i’m so boring how is it that I’ve made you a fucking mess for me three times already?” 

X-ray: (what’s going on under those pleather pants) thicc thighs I’ll tell you that HA, jk that’s just me having the biggest most embarrassing thigh kink alive lmaooo. buuut it’s true! minho’s got those perfectly toned and thick thighs that he loves having you grind on of course. as for what this letter is really about, I see minho has having just the right proportions. not to be cheesy, but it’s like this boy was practically frickin made for you!! buuuut I think we all know that minho’s packing with something  

Yes: (biggest turn ons) on top of the ones mentioned above, I wanna make this one kinda cute and sentimental just bc I can lolll, but a major turn on for minho is a bomb ass personality!! minho really treasures people who are unique, true to themselves and passionate about something! he finds this super super attractive. this man is an absolute SIMP for a personality and that’s the first thing he falls in love with about you! (also shhhh I’m not pushing my pan!minho agenda shhh) 

Zzz: (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) kinda like with aftercare, minho can’t rest himself properly until you are fully taken care of! as soon as he knows that he’s covered all the bases: cleaning you off, getting you clothes, water, food, giving you a massage if you need it. as soon as the two of you are all cuddled up in together, then he’ll be able to relax himself, patiently smoothing down your hair as you fall asleep yourself, then, he’ll be out like a light. 

[animoozies]

I decided I would make one while I’m at work cause the patients are cooolin and I’m just vibing

2020 has been hard on all of us whether it was school, graduating and not being able to walk, knowing of a loved one that passed, mental health declining, and many more negative experiences. However I hope you all are able to enter the new year with someone/something that makes your life just a little bit easier.

With that all being said, I’m gonna tag some people I wanna show my appreciation for because 2020 was bearable because of you all. Also doing this helps me practice the love lanaguage of words of affirmation cause I’m one sarcastic asshole who’s a tsukki/kags kinnie

anyways

@hoekageyama I already showed I loved you a day ago but here im adoing it sober so it’s 100% intentional. I really appreciate and love our friendship. Everyday I look forward to one of us being a dumbass. You and I will be graduating come May 2021 so push through your ✨depression✨ and buck the fuck up for our last semester of college.

@hoekaashi A1 Day 1. Known you since you were soltserra and I’m pretty sure you were atrailofwhispers or some shit like that. Glad we rekindled after our hiatus which was due to Covid and also me crying over hxh. I hope pharmacy school gets easier for you but also remember your life isn’t just school. Your job maybe dedicated to serving people but you also need to serve yourself. Self care is important boo.

@gogo-karasuno I didn’t lie when I said you were a blessing. Despite me being motivated to do certain things I’ve mentioned, you are 100% the reason why I decided to act on that motivation. I met you just on time because I get inspired easily and lose it really quickly. I am so thankful for you because honestly you’re such a light. I am excited to further our friendship so I can see why you say you’re sarcastic and call yourself a bitch cause hunntyyyyyy if you can top me, we fighting cause no one can beat me. enjoy your last day of 2020 bb and take a couple shots and give the cats some catnip.

@luvkeigo crackhead #1. Your posts, tags, and energy is so funny and honestly you’re such great vibes. You are great company to have and I hope you realize that you are. know that and embrace that. always look forward to our simping hours and tagging you in tiktoks. Can’t wait to read more of your stuff in the New Years because your fics are A+ quality good shit.

@juvsbby your new nickname is nezuko because you’re all cute and innocent but still a demon at the end of the day. You always make me laugh in our convos because you are quite the savage. I really love our interactions and now they will never cease since you have me deadass on all social media platforms. 💀you can’t escape. Just know you are such a beautiful person in and out and I hope everything goes better for you mentally and at home for the new year.

@impromptux-main my playlist royalty aka my Suga. You are quite the chaotic individual and I did not expect that from you lmao. You were always cool to me but it solidified the one convo we had about that weird ass girl from Instagram. I hope the new year is better for you and that you dye your hair more colors you rainbow bitch

@haiikyuuns the crackheaded pharmacist. you are such a light in our fandom and to your mutuals, especially me. You are such a loving character that is so sweet to everyone. Please take care of yourself because I know your brain is fried(in more ways than one😂) just like how your job supports people, you need to support yourself.

Hello to the mutuals that I consistently tag in shit. You will be tagged in 2021 so sorry not sorry. I hope your new year goes well and there’s a little bit of positivity for you guys cause we all need it.

@bakugoustanaccount @kanao (you’re such a ray of sunshine but you’re lowkey a crakcheaded simp in the tags of reblogs. It’s hilarious) @ladyhitsu88 @simply-trash5 @nerdyshaddowhunter @honeymeh @thathoneybee3 @bootyy-bakeryy @all-mights-asscheeks (I always laugh at your url cause Im clearly a 5 year old) @mindlesschicca @wherethehoesat @emotiadouche @unvalley @happygalaxymilkshake @fckkei @emperorthighs

My beloved mutuals. I acknowledge everyone of you in my notifs. Sometimes I go to y’all blog just to make sure y’all alive lol. Love yourself in this new year and do soemthing new! Get a tat or soemthing. Buy some anime merch.

@fuckyeahfraxus @meggymoohoo @sokodomoo @necruwumancy @blueberry-07 @ushi-bakatoshi @luvkejii @lexysclubhouse (still not over you not liking seafood) @raine-needs-help @soleil-lei @atsumusc0ck @jdoeshit @icyjeno @icequeen009 @bucketsofworms @feathertayl @karasuno-flight @todoroki-sama @wellthisisme @milkandtobio @catstudio7-reblogs @palmtoptiger18 @khamillahsstrive (the OG since 2016 I hope you’re doing well!!!)

This was longer than expected but whatever.

Anyways

Just know you are all loved and cared for. You are all beautiful, intelligent, and unique individuals. Do not let your mind tell you otherwise. Eat, pray, exercise, draw, sing, read, and DRINK WATER. Do what you need to do in order to be a better you. Enjoy the rest of your day and Happy New Years you filthy weebs❤️

Ima go back to work lmao

[panharmonium]

next round of in-progress naruto thoughts under the cut!  we started season 12 finally and we’re only like ten episodes into it but i have already experienced the most stressful moment of my life so.  lots to scream about.

[spoiler policy disclaimer first, as always: I am watching naruto for the first time and have only gotten a partway into season 12.  i am trying to avoid spoilers, so please don’t interact with this (tags included, because the notifications now show them to me automatically) with any spoilery commentary, including even general things like “oh i love this show but it gets less good after X point” or “X season is better than Y season” or any general assessments of quality/likability/etc re: future seasons.  Thank you! <3 ]

- the amount of information dumped on us in the first half of this season is SO MUCH!!!!  i don’t remember any of it!  i can’t keep it straight!  we met kushina and did the entire nine-tails attack backstory and all that stuff about the land of eddies and the previous nine-tails jinchuriki (which, UH....yikes), and then a bunch of very confusing information about the sage of the six paths (we still don’t even know what that title MEANS) and some kind of special/complementary creation powers inherent to the senju and uchiha clans that apparently were used to create the tailed beasts from the ten-tails, and then all these references to other things like....madara fighting the first hokage to acquire his powers?  madara giving nagato the rinnegan (...how?)  nagato being an uzumaki??  and then we get dumped into the actual formation of the allied shinobi forces and how they’re organized and that in itself it a lot for me to keep straight........so many characters...i still don’t know half their names....i feel like i need to rewatch the entire first half of this season just to try to absorb all of this information again

- i can’t believe this show actually gave one of the mothers a personality.  shocking.  

- re: above - i liked kushina a lot.  but can i just say, while we’re on the subject, how FUCKED UP her entire story is???????  the hidden leaf administration......imported a child........to make her the nine-tails jinchuriki......a fate in which she had no say.....that’s.........abhorrently fucked up.  i thought we’d reached the limit of “how evil is this administration actually” but i guess not

- relatedly, i still feel like.......weird about minato’s choices?  not really sure where i stand on that one yet.  like...they kind of make us assume up until these episodes that minato HAD to use the reaper death seal and sacrifice his own life in order to stop the nine-tails, but now we know that’s not even the case.  kushina was going to take the nine-tails down with her.  minato didn’t actually have to die, and kushina didn’t want him to.  she didn’t want to make naruto the jinchuriki, and she didn’t want him to grow up without any parents.  and it’s not like her original plan would have been a permanent solution for everyone; minato says the nine-tails will just reemerge someday if they don’t seal it inside someone now, but still.  i dunno.  

it’s not like an EVIL choice.  i get what he’s saying.  i just don’t know how i feel about it.  minato on the whole has just been a character that i haven’t quite figured out how to connect with - i don’t dislike him, and i WANT to like him more than i already do, but even back at the end of the kakashi chronicles his vibe just felt a little weird to me.  a little...detached.  i dunno if i’m just like...wanting him to be something other than what he is, because the show builds him up so much as the ideal?  but then he doesn’t quite match what i envision.  

he’s not BAD in any way.  i just keep wanting him to be...warmer, or something, and maybe that’s just not who he is.

- i was bizarrely fond of young!Killer Bee.  the way he was just such an optimistic kid who never let anything get him down...he’s kinda like naruto in that way.

- and i had a Very strong reaction to that moment where motoi apologizes for trying to kill Bee that one time and Bee’s smiling response is “you know, i don’t remember that happening.”  that was, uh.....you can definitely feel what they’re getting at with that.  

honestly, the second half of this show is doing a lot with radical forgiveness/compassion and that is one of my BIGGEST thematic weaknesses, so i’m prepared to continue getting punched with it.

- KISAME LMAOOOO.  man, i’m gonna miss him.  i guess if you’ve gotta go out, feeding yourself to your own sharks is one way to do it.  

- i loved that flashback to kisame meeting itachi lol.  they have a brief tense moment and then kisame literally is just ‘lets be friends and have some fun’ and he’s not SERIOUS obviously; it’s meant in a ‘let’s just not make waves here so we can get our work done,’ but then it’s hilarious because the two of them literally never argue again.  they’re the only two akatsuki members who actually get along XD

- KONAN OMG.  ;________;  

- how fucking badass do you have to be to pull off that move though.  six hundred billion paper bombs???  six hundred BILLION?????????

- i was EMOTIONALLY COMPROMISED by the sudden jiraiya flashbacks and his little froggy tile system for keeping track of the children, oh my god.  that was...no.

- loved naruto telling the nine-tails “i’m sorry...i won’t do wrong by you...just hang in there for a while longer”.......i loved that.  (see again: radical compassion)

- how DARE they use the reanimation jutsu on asuma.  how DARE THEY.  

- i....really can’t imagine that sasuke is gonna be cool with them using itachi’s dead body like that.  like i know he can’t see that they’re doing it right now, but those bandages have gotta come off at some point, right? 

- definitely Did Not Like kabuto saying that he also reanimated “other shinobi of significance”...that really just leaves the door wiiiiide open and that is a stressful feeling

okay now the main event -

WHEN KABUTO SAID HE WANTED YAMATO FOR HIS EXPERIMENTS I STARTED FULL-ON SCREAMING THREATS AT THE TV (@PADMERRIE WAS THERE SHE CAN CONFIRM)

AND THEN THE VERY NEXT EPISODE KABUTO SWALLOWED HIM AND SLITHERED AWAY AND NOW YAMATO IS CAPTURED AND BEING EXPERIMENTED ON AND/OR USED LIKE A FUCKING...DNA BANK OR CHAKRA RESERVE FOR MADARA’S PLANT ARMY OR SOEMTHING AND IT’S HORRIBLE AND I WANTED TO CRY THE WHOLE TIME

you guys i cannot emphasize enough how upset i am about yamato being trapped in kabuto’s clutches i was clutching a blankie the whole time we were watching and i cannot stop thinking about it even into today; i am just sobbing on the inside

one of this show’s recurring themes is the whole “treating people as if they’re nothing more than weapons/tools to be exploited is bad actually; maybe we should stop doing that” (eg the cultural view of shinobi, the jinchuriki, the hyuga clan’s curse marks, all of orochimaru’s “projects” [kimimaro, taka, etc]), and yamato is another victim of that - we’ve barely gotten any details about his history yet but we do know that he was originally one of orochimaru’s experiments and i just cannot STAND the thought of him being back in the hands of those fucking people.  i cannot stand the thought of him being tortured and stripped down and experimented on.  the idea of him being trapped in this dehumanizing position again is KILLING ME INSIDE.  i need kakashi to break in there and rescue him YESTERDAY.

[bisexualadamparrish]

I was tagged a hot minute ago by @saoirseronanlynch to do this!! Thank you dear! <33

2020 top 5 tag

top five movies you saw this year (I’m realizing rn I did not watch many new movies in 2020...)

- Little Women (The last movie I saw in theaters...... its been over a year now </3)

- Knives Out (I was late to watch this one but I adored it, it was so sensational)

- Banana Split (A quirky netflix movie that I watched w my friend via virtual movie night)

- In the Tall Grass (a really great horror movie I watched w my friend right before I moved home for quarantine last spring. if you like horror movies that was a really interesting one!)

- (Im blanking on this..... i will fill soemthing in later)

top five tv shows you’ve watched this year

- Adventure Time (My old roommate and I had never seen all of adventure time so we binged the whole show and I love it dearly!)

- Salem (Me and my roommates are still working on salem rn and its kinda whack but a fun group-watch)

- Teen Wolf (Another show I watched all the way through for the first time in 2020, this is how I killed the first two weeks of quarantine while sharing a room with my sister)

- Survivor (my mom and i started binging old survivor seasons this fall)

- Avatar: The Last Airbender (Yet another show I watched for the first time during quarantine!)

top five songs of 2020

- Love Stuck by mother mother

- Summertime by Orville Peck

- Adore You by Harry Styles

- I’m Not Okay (I Promise) by MCR  

- Future Nostalgia by Dua Lipa

top five books you read

- The Raven Cycle series by maggie stiefvater <33

- Call Down the Hawk by maggie stiefvater 

- A Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by suzanne collins

- A Truly Impossible Thing by Hank Green!

- Percy Jackson series reread B)

five positive things that happened in 2020

- I graduated from college!!

- I got my own apartment and officially moved out of my parents house!

- I got my chickens :’) <3333

- I ended up vibing incredibly well with my new roommates (one of them in particular) which I was super worried about since spending your last semester of college with no friends at school and three rando roommates is obviously daunting, but now she’s one of my absolute best friends <33

- I adopted a cat and also got rats and a leopard gecko with my current roomies!

I’ll tag @liamisthesun @h-isforhome @dionysuswearsanorangetracksuit @shrimpcolors @crackbabymp3 & anyone else who would like to, please feel free to do this! 

[fuck-you-i-am-spiderman]

🌹 :)!!!

Omg hi you! I know I keep saying this for everyone but your energy is so positive and friendly. You are so sweet and so much fun. I know whenever I post something you're always there to validate it and be genuinely excited about it. Your tags always add such flavour and they make me want to snowball off of what you write. It's genius.

The time and effort you put in to leaving such heartfelt and insightful comments is so special, it's just one way of showing how kind you are. All of your additions to the heist au are fucking fantastic, it made it that much more fun to create knowing I had someone so passionate and with so many creative ideas to bounce off of. I think you hiding your genius in the tags is kind of your brand because whenever I see your tags on anything they're always great and I totally vibe with that.

I love how open you are to engage with anything and to always embrace everyone with affection. That's such an important quality. I always end up smiling when I see your url in my dash or in my notifications because you are such a ray of light. You're so fun to be around and you're someone I really enjoy talking to and bouncing ideas off of. Your enthusiasm for what I create is indescribable, it means so much to me and you're someone that's always in my head whenever I make soemthing - I'm just always eager to share it with you because I know your reactions are going to be so soft and good.

How are y'all so perfect?! You are a wonderful person and I'm really glad I decided to reach out and we became friends! You're spectacular and I love ya!!! 💜

send me a “🌹” and i’ll give you a compliment!

[livvywrites]

Hey its pansdora (i have to send this from my main). 🌺🏵️

thank you for sending these!!! ❤️ & no worries, i completely understand!! my writeblr isn’t my main either, haha.

[ Writeblr Positivity: Interactive Botanical Compliment Game! ]

🌺 Your OCs showcase the importance of representation in fiction. Do you have any tips for writers who’re looking to diversify their casts?

first, ask yourself why you imagine them the way that you do. if there’s no real "reason" for it, imagine them a different way—just be careful about playing into harmful tropes & stereotypes!! i don’t really feel qualified to say more than that since i’m white, but writing with color has some amazing resources for people looking to diversify their casts :)

🏵️ Your OCs each have a specific vibe (or look) that make them easy for me to envision while I’m reading. Do you have any tips for writers who want to develop a distinctive aesthetic for their characters?

i’ve answered this one before, and you can read it here!!! thank you you for sending in this one!! character is soemthing i spend a lot of time on & i’m glad to know that it pays off :)

[stayingconstant]

6/12/2017

The last few of my college lessons happened almost a full month after graduation occurred.

This weekend was a big a weekend. My birthday is June 6, and so this weekend was my “birthday weekend” if you will. And Pride so happened to also be going on in DC. 

So I got a hotel room with my friends (Eddie, Ryan, Yasmine, Crumley, and Lauren). The parade was on Saturday, the festival on Sunday, and we had night life events to go to both night. This weekend ended up not being what I expected. We didn’t make it to the parade until 6, and didn’t even hangout for very long before departing. We ended up skipping the festival all together. Friday night I cried over some guy that didn’t see how great I am, and Saturday night I ended up talking to a pedophile on accident (long story).

But at the end of it all I realized something. I fucking love my friends. I was stressed, disorganized, and a little bitter that my two other friends (Mike and Zyanya) didn’t bother telling me anything / bailed. We’ll get to that though.

But regardless of the weekend I had fun. I had people in my corner. We danced. We ate. We spent time with one another. But the funniest thing is I think I had more fun with Eddie and Yasmine when we got coffee and hung out after.

We talked about Yasmine’s friend problems, and Eddie’s family, and I realized something. #1 I had been so fixated on my own problems/sadness/loneliness I wasn’t invested in my friend’s lives. I used to be the person people came to. The person who would always be an empathetic listener. And throughout this year my insecurities and high expectations made it so that was less of an aspect of my personality.  

Secondly, the small moments and exchanges will most likely always matter more in the long run than the parties, the alcohol, and the big events. Never underestimate how a small, meaningful conversation can ultimately change the entire trajectory of your friendship. 

Now to get to Zyanya and Mike. I’ll hit Zyanya first. Z has a lot of shit going on in her life. And it’s been frustrating being her friend here lately because it seems as if every aspect of her life is consumed by emergencies that she has to address. It made it so I felt like I was losing her as a friend. Then my birthday rolled around. Eddie and I ventured to Charlottesvile and got lunch with Zyanya. It was so organic. We were back to where we had always been. So thirdly, don’t easily give up to the people you love. And you’ll think you love more people than you do. But you have a solid 3 or 4 that you know you just cannot let go. 

Mike. Mike is probably the biggest part of this story. Mike was supposed to meet up with me for pride for my birthday. He didn’t come to the parade. And he refused to buy tickets when we planned for that because it “wasn’t his thing”. I usually would put up a fight because I wanted him to be a part of the full experience, but I have learned throughout this year that you cannot force people to do things they don’t want to do. You can encourage them on the basis of hanging out with you / spending quality time with you and hoping that’s enough. But for some people it simply won’t be. 

Well the kicker is Mike went out Saturday anyway. He refused to come with us, but ultimately changed his mind. I was pretty frustrated on the basis of him already skipping the parade, and not meeting up with us. And the idea that he had kind of done this throughout the entire year. I got drunk. Sent a text message saying my frustrations, and telling him exactly what he sent me when he refused.

He ignored it.

We didn’t hangout Sunday either. More frustrating. Here we are, someone I thought I was close to lying about the night activities and then ignoring me because he doesn’t want to address conflict. So here’s the text convo:

Shane: Uncool not texting me back and uncool not spending time with me on my birthday weekend / possible one of the few opportunities I have before Seattle. But whatever man just figured I would tell you.

Mike: Shane...My Dude...I went to town and had an incredible time. You would’ve hated it. I didn’t want to interrupt my bliss to respond to the negativity. I had planned to meet up with you Sunday but after that text I didn’t really want to so I did what was best for me and continued doing my own thing. I am sorry that I missed your birthday weekend. This was my first pride and I lived it for me, hope you did the same. 

I was infuriated. I felt like he had blatantly disregarded my feelings yet again on the basis of his own happiness. Not for one second thinking how I was feelinv

Shane: You are one of my most selfish friends, your word means absolutely nothing, and I shouldn’t have expected anything less. I hope you had fun.

12 hours passed.

Shane: Sorry that was really intense. I’m just hurt and really wanted to see you. But that was uncalled for and I do apologize.

Mike: This is something I wrote this morning and was going to send to you in a couple days:

Shane, Believe it or not I care about you very much, which is why I am writing this. Someone has to say it but none of your friends are willing because they fear the backlash. Also this is not about pride weekend, this is just life in general. There world owes you nothing. You are not the center of the universe. You expect everyone to drop everything for you and then get irrationally angry and upset when they dont’t. In that heat, you begin a confrontation. This is draining for you and for the other person involved. You take that one problem and make it a problem for all your other friends by complaining to them, over and over. This builds more negativity between you and the friends you originally had no problems with. This is magnified when you ask for their input on an issue in which they were not originally involved. They will take your side even if they don’t agree with you because they don’t want to be the one you talk about next. In the instances where they do attempt to openly disagree with you, it is often met with a close mind because you are looking for validation, not assistance. 

Thos friends, although they still care about you, then have less of a desire to hangout with you because the negative energy begins to feel inevitable. They try to help you reach a more positive place, but eventually come to understand that it is you that needs to help yourself, and there is very little they can do. I have watched this pattern over and over again this past year, but have never said anything because it always seems like you have finally learned. You are very self aware, nothing i’ve said above is something you haven’t already said to me. But I just wanted you to hear it from someone else in hopes that next time you begin complaining you are able to catch yourself and understand that you are only fueling the negative vibes that you claim to so desperately want to escape. 

This does not warrant a response, I’m not looking to open a discussion, this is just my observations from living with you this past year. I hope you find them beneficial in the long run even if they are slightly infuriating at the moment. Please know that this does not discredit the fun times we have had together. I truly wish you nothing but happiness. 

So that’s a lot right? Right. But he’s not wrong. He’s totally not wrong. My negative energy does manifest itself in a lot of different and uninspiring ways. However - I was pretty solid this weekend in terms of this conflict. I didn’t bring it up often - I was just incredibly frustrated. And honestly there were better instances when this could have been discussed. Not when you bailed on me for the 100th time and almost seem to need to scapegoat you out of the conflict.

Anyway -

Shane: None of the things are wrong in the slightest. I 100% agree. However if we are being honest you do this thing where you will never commit. Whatsoever. You won’t commit to anything or anyone because you are driven on this complex idea of happiness that you haven’t really found yet. This makes small moments of bliss, like you stated above, take control of how you treat other people. Other people you said you were close to. 

When you initially stated you were not interested in clubbing, I didn’t argue. We bboth know that in itself is a stepping stone. I realized the idea of going out isn’t for everyone. However after getting over the hump of not seeing one of my really close friends, he skips the parade and then proceeds to go out anyway. And then refuses to respond when I am rightfully frustrated. 

So yes I agree with what you’re saying. I get it, and believe it or not I am working on it. But for you to see that i am working on it you need to look deep into yourself and recognize that you do have to do things you aren’t necessarily interested in to maintain friendships. 

You have bailed on me throughout this entire year in regards to most things. And we both know if you ask me to do something I would do it with you not because I am interested in said thing but because I want to spend time with you.

So in summary I have a lot to learn, and I need to have less backlash to people’s complaints, frustrations, whatever have you, but I need people to be open. 

So thank you for that. But don’t disregard your own faults in having me come to some enlightened truth. Because what you said is soemthing that needs to change, but this weekend, this example in particular is less prominent of a good example than past events this semester because I have been working on it, again, believe it or not.

Prioritize people in your life or you might lose them.

This was an important weekend for me. For me to see people I truly do love. Regardless of how you have felt my toxic energy manifest itself you should have sent this text message before bailing on me and ignoring me. And deep down I think you get that. And luckily enough I didn’t complain about this at all until your message back to me basically disreagrded all my feelings and just told me how swell of a time you had so I still had a really great weekend with the people who did come.

Regardless of if you respond or not thank you for telling me. Eddie and I actually had a conversation very similarly to almost exactly what you just said because I brought it up because I can feel it. I can see it happen. But again, every conflict isn’t based off one person. I perpetuate the conflict to last, but usually I am not the catalyst for it to begin. 

Anyway - if this is it since your message dauntingly acted as if we are never speaking again I wish you the best of luck as well. 

A lot, right?  It’s not that I don’t agree. I still do. I don’t think I expect everyone to give me the world, but my expectations are pretty high because I feel as if I do a pretty good job of being there for people I care about. And in this same light people don’t meet my expectations. Because people love, feel, and act very differently. 

So fourthly, have open dialogue. If you need validation. Say that.  And fifthly, negative energy is contagious. Complaining and venting are healthy ways to decompress but as is anything only if it’s in moderation. I need to learn to moderate these aspects of myself. 

Mike didn’t address the conflict at hand in that he always puts his happiness way above anyone else - even if it means hurting their feelings. I hope that he was able to understand that I did understand big picture, but within this specific weekend he needed to be a better friend. This idea of happiness is going to continue to float around his head, but if he continues to choose his own self-righteous idea of what happiness is supposed to be he will never be happy.