#or that time agravaine was out looking for lancelot

[queer-ragnelle]

agravaine is just as charitable as “good” knights except he isn’t courteous like gawain so nobody notices. vulgate readers, you know.

[liminalpsych]

17. Let other people judge us with all their own assumptions

Laughter rang out through the glade of the king’s forest. All the birds fell silent for a moment in the wake of it. Then, seeming to realize that the sound did not spell danger, they thus resumed their singing.

A lady and a knight took their meal merrily upon a cloak spread over the forest floor. Nearby, their steeds grazed upon the greenery without a care. They were dressed for hawking, and indeed a hooded hawk roosted on a saddle atop a silver palfrey, yet there was no captured quarry to be seen.

Indeed, Gwenhwyfar and Lancelot had not been hunting at all, but rather sharing a meal in the peace and privacy of the glade, away from prying eyes or gossiping lips.

They shared other things, too: kisses, chaste and playful at first between bites of bread and cheese and sips of wine. In time, the two lovers also shared the taste of their mouths, and the taste of each other’s skin.

Yet something disturbed the peace of the kingswood. The birds fell silent once more, and this time they remained so, alert to a predator’s intent.

Lost as they were in one another, the lady and the knight noticed not the changes around them, too surrounded by their own soft sighs. Not until their horses paused in their grazing, ears pricked forward as they stared off into the woods, nostrils flared to scent the shifting breeze.

Not until Gwenhwyfar’s palfrey relaxed with recognition, and whuffled a soft greeting.

The lovers stilled, motionless as deer scenting a stalking wolf.

There was a rustling of leaves not far away, and then a tense silence that seemed to stretch on forever.

“Gwen,” Lancelot said, in a voice so soft and low that she did not so much hear it as feel it in the form of his lips moving against her ear rather than heard it, “wait until I stand and speak challenge, then take my horse and flee.”

Now Lancelot’s courser nickered, louder than the palfrey, his eyes alert with interest as he recognized someone in the wood.

Fear left Gwen shivering with cold despite the heat of the summer day. “We face this together–”

His hand tightened over hers. “I will send to Avalon if it is safe to return. You must go. For Arthur’s sake.”

She did not even know if she could stand; it seemed as though the ground spun beneath her, dizzy and sick with dread. Yet she knew her knight spoke truly. She gave a short, sharp nod, then turned to press her lips to his for one last desperate kiss.

Lancelot returned it for a heartbeat, his heart breaking within his chest, yet knew he could afford to tarry no longer. He turned away, taking up his sword as he rose to stand and face the silent forest.

“Come out, else you be craven and not merely ignoble spies!”

Gwenhwyfar did stand, somehow, and even run, her world tilting beneath her. She scrambled up into the saddle more than mounted, as Lancelot’s taller steed danced and snorted beneath an unfamiliar rider; she murmured soothing sounds despite the hammering of her heart, taking up the reins in hands that she willed not to shake.

“You dare call another ignoble, when you lie in treason with your king’s own wife?” It was a familiar voice, another of Arthur’s knights, although all the names of every knight save her own beloved seemed to flee her mind even as she fled the glade.

“Stand down, and I will surrender peacefully to you when my queen is well away,” said Lancelot. “Pursue her, and I will cut you all down where you stand.”

She bent low over the courser’s neck to urge him onward, not waiting to learn the outcome, not wanting to know if steel rang out behind her. The wind of her steed’s passage tore any sound of sorrow from her throat.

The roaring in her ears was the only sound she could hear as her entire world came crashing down behind her.

With all the years between us

I know your heart, you know I'd never lie

Let other people judge us with all their own assumptions

You know with me you never need to hide

[evadne01]

Merlin Masterlist Part 2

You can't always threaten nobles!

Merlin tries to advise Arthur. Arthur, as usual, misunderstands.

Merlin & Arthur Pendragon

This is not what I meant

Arthur carries out his plan. Merlin is not impressed

Merlin & Arthur Pendragon

What do you mean you are my servant?

Every noble needs his servant. Merlin isn't happy about it.

George & Merlin

No, this is enough!

Arthur has another idea. Merlin is very tired about this.

Merlin & Arthur Pendragon

You see? Stupid wounds

Arthur needs to be healed. Merlin turns out to be an extremely competent physician.

Arthur is impressed. And he has an idea.

Merlin & Arthur Pendragon

Desperate attempt

Arthur finds his servant missing. Agravaine reflects on his actions.

Merlin & Arthur Pendragon, Knights of the Round Table & Arthur Pendragon, Gwen & Arthur Pendragon, Agravaine & Morgana

Discovering new sides of ourselves

Merlin's magic has its own mind.

What you did to Agravaine?... Sorry, Steven?

Merlin and Morgana. The Knoghts, Arthur, Merlin and Morgana.

Merlin & Morgana, Merlin & The Knights of the Round Table, Merlin & Arthur Pendragon

You don't have to be afraid anymore

Arthur makes a decision after saving Merlin and finding his sister.

Merlin & Arthur Pendragon, Gwen/Morgana

King and king

Arthur has his latest idea. This time Merlin has nothing against it.

Merlin/Arthur Pendragon

Secret Stalker

Merlin has a secret stalker. No matter that his two best friends told him it is a secret admirer. He knows the difference.

Gwen & Merlin, Lancelot & Merlin, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon, Gwen/Lancelot

Till next time, my brave honeysuckle

Gwaine episode from Merlin's and Gwaine's pov

Gwaine/Merlin

Where are you? ~ Please, don't leave me

Arthur discovers that his servant has not come to wake him and, at dawn, runs throughout the castle looking for him.

Merlin & Arthur Pendragon

Why I hate hunting

During a hunt, the knights and Merlin are stuck in a cave and must say the thing that weighs most on their minds.

Merlin & Arthur Pendragon, Merlin & The Knights of the Round Table, The Knights of the Round Table & Arthur Pendragon

Sweet persuasion

In his attempt to keep Arthur safe, Merlin uses Gwen's advice: sweet persuasion.

Merlin & Arthur Pendragon, Gwen & Merlin

The knight and the king

A deleted scene in A Servant of No Master. Arthur and Gwaine look for Merlin

Gwaine/Merlin, Merlin&Arthur Pendragon

I thought I knew you

After Gaius exposed Merlin as a sorcerer, Arthur needs to talk with him.

Merlin & Arthur Pendragon

I can show you incredible things

Post-magic reveal, Arthur learns about Merlin's magic and their relationship suffers.

Both of them are scared and sad.

This until during a hunt, Merlin saves Arthur from a spell and becomes his kid self.

How will Arthur react to his friend's (or something more?) fear?

Merlin/Arthur Pendragon

Drylic and scamu

Merlin and Lancelot deleted scene in the Darkest hour.

Merlin talks about his magic, and Lancelot sees him

Lancelot & Merlin

Protecting the youngest

After Merlin is fired and Cedric takes his place, the servants and Morgana has something to say.

Gwen & Merlin, Merlin & Morgana, Servants & Merlin, Morgana & Arthur Pendragon

How it should have gone

But that was not their destiny, and Arianrhod decided to give them a new one.

What do you do when you have a second chance to fix everything? Trust your friends

Gwen & Merlin, Lancelot & Merlin, Knights of the Round Table & Merlin, Merlin & Arthur Pendragon

My most loyal friend

After reclaiming Camelot from Morgana, Arthur rewards his most loyal friend.

Merlin & Arthur Pendragon

You were supposed to be dead

After the Veil, Merlin finds an old friend. The only problem: he shouldn't be alive.

Merlin is happy, the knights curios and Arthur just tired.

Merlin & Will, Knights of the Round Table & Merlin & Arthur Pendragon

Clover and Confessions

In the midst of a hunting trip, Merlin and the Knights of the Round Table embark on a quest to find healing herbs for Merlin's toothache.

Merlin/Arthur Pendragon

Forged Allegiance

Lancelot and Merlin talk. And then, they find the Round Table.

It's the start of a new Era

Merlin & Arthur Pendragon, Lancelot & Merlin

What kind of love do you have? 

The love life of Gwen and Merlin.

Or: the two servants that made fall in love the most powerful people in Camelot

Gwen/Morgana, Gwen & Merlin & Morgana, Knights of the Round Table/Merlin/Arthur Pendragon

Flowers and Jealousy 

Merlin's gestures of affection towards Morgana are too dangerous for the servant. Arthur is not jealous, at all.

Even if he is trying to kill the other one with his eyes.

Merlin & Morgana, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon

A broken bond

Merlin was rejected another time by one of his soulmates.

Arthur wants to help his friend.

Merlin & Arthur Pendragon, Gwen/Arthur Pendragon, Gwen & Merlin, Knights/Merlin

Destiny could change, our nature never 

Merlyn had believed the Great Dragon when he told her that it was her destiny to protect Arthur Pendragon.

She had believed him when he said they were two halves of one whole, that they couldn't be separated.

She had believed him when he told her that they shared a great and splendid destiny together, the golden age.

But how could she believe him, now that he was telling her that she should let a child die for words spoken in fear?

How could she believe him?

Merlyn had to choose: betray the fate they predicted for her and Arthur, or betray herself?

Merlin & Arthur Pendragon, Merlin & Morgana, Gwen & Merlin, Gwen & Merlin & Morgana & Arthur Pendragon, Merlin & Mordred, Merlin & Will, Hunith & Merlin, Balinor/Hunith, Gaius & Merlin, Druids & Merlin, Lancelot & Merlin, Knights of the Round Table & Merlin, Gwaine & Merlin, Merlin & Mithian, Freya/Merlin, Freya & Merlin, Elena & Merlin, Gaius & Hunith, Balinor & Gaius

Fake nobles and revelations

"Oh, no, just strange." Percival shrugged. "There were these girls with very thick and sturdy leather strips and they were like taking measurements?"

Leon blinked. "What do girls need leather strips for?"

Merlin's sudden laughter drew their attention.

"Something amusing, Merlin?" Arthur called him out.

"They're binders." Merlin said, amidst laughter. "They're used to bind their chest."

Knights of the Round Table & Merlin & Arthur Pendragon

How can you not be attracted to me? 

Arthur finds out that Merlin is attracted to men and women.

This isn't a problem, no. The problem is that Merlin isn't attracted to Arthur!

Gwen & Merlin, Merlin & Arthur Pendragon, Knights of the Round Table & Merlin, Knights of the Round Table & Arthur Pendragon, Gwaine/Merlin

A lovely kitten

Merlin is turned into a cat.

Morgana is amused, Arthur and the Knights are in love with him.

Merlin is so done.

Gwen/Morgana, Gwen & Merlin & Morgana, Knights of the Round Table/Merlin/Arthur Pendragon

In a Land of Soulmates

Soulmates AU!

During the Great Purge, Uther Pendragon banished every type of magic, with the only exception of the one shared to all the crown, every crown of every kindom: SoulMate's mark, the one who would have always had your back, something more than a brother, more than a companion. And it doesn't imply romance, but only a strong loyalty and solidariety between the two people.

Merlin & Arthur Pendragon, Gwaine/Merlin, Lancelot/Merlin, Lancelot & Merlin, Knights of the Round Table & Merlin, Knights of the Round Table & Arthur Pendragon, Gwen & Merlin, Merlin & Morgana, Leon & Merlin, Elyan & Merlin, Merlin & Percival, Balinor/Hunith, Ygraine de Bois/Uther Pendragon

"You and me, love, what do you say?" 

Merlin and Arthur are the heir of the two rival families.

Will they find love? Or will they follow their parents' steps?

Merlin/Arthur Pendragon

I'm about to blow ~your mind~ 

Arthur is cursed to 'open his mind'.

The only problem: his mind is open towards his manservant.

Who has a lot of imagination.

Merlin/Arthur Pendragon, Gaius & Merlin, Gaius & Arthur Pendragon

The fear of losing a friend can often be greater than the fear itself.

Arthur and Merlin talks.

Freya makes them a gift

Merlin & Arthur Pendragon

The Omega and the Alpha 

"So, my lady," Merlin leaned in, under the guise of fixing her dress, "shall we overthrow the king together?"

Morgana's eyes sparkled. "Why, Merlin, I thought you'd never ask."

Merlin & Morgana, Merlin & Arthur Pendragon, Morgana & Arthur Pendragon

Love is in the air (or maybe, it's just jazz)

Jazz bar, Merlin is approached by the most attractive man he ever saw.

This is the story

Gwaine/Merlin

Guardians of Honor 

In a time of war and magic, Lionel, a knight of Camelot, finds himself indebted to a mysterious young boy named Merlin, whose unexpected display of magic saves his life.

Determined to protect Merlin from the dangers of a kingdom where magic is outlawed, Lionel and his wife, Jaelle, take the boy into their home.

As they navigate the complexities of loyalty, duty, and love, they must keep Merlin's true identity hidden while facing the looming threat of war.

Leon & Merlin, Leon & Leon's Mother, Leon & Leon's Father, Merlin & Leon's Father, Merlin & Leon's Mother, Druids & Merlin

Guardian Angel 

Not everyone is lucky enough to know their guardian angel.

Arthur and the Knights are

Knights of the Round Table & Merlin, Merlin & Arthur Pendragon

Thank you 

Some king isn't happy with Merlin, but at least he has friends he could rely on.

Merlin & Morgana, Knights of the Round Table & Merlin, Gwen & Merlin, Merlin & Arthur Pendragon, Gwaine/Merlin

How to judge a man 

Pre-Canon, a moment between Merlin and his mother Hunith

Hunith & Merlin

There was an idea

Before Merlin could change his mind, he went to his dating app, and changed his bio.

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes for the therapist to notice we don't know each other

Glad to have a plan for later, Merlin happily went back to studying.

Freya & Merlin & Will, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon

Past enemy and current pains 

Gwaine meets someone from his past. Fortunately, he isn't the same person anymore

Gwaine & Knights of the Round Table, Gwaine & Merlin, Gwaine & Arthur Pendragon

Orders, curly hair and fake nobles ~ how Leon and Gwaine met

The Knights learn how Leon and Gwaine first met.

Gwaine is still insulted for that meeting

Gwaine & Merlin, Knights of the Round Table Friendship

A gift and a lady ~ how Gwen and Morgana met

Gwen and Morgana first meeting

Gwen & Morgana

In the shadows of the sorcerer

What if Cornelius Sigan doesn't disappear in one night? What if Kilgharrah doesn't know what the spell is going really going to do?

What if Merlin gets more help?

Yes, what if?

Gaius & Merlin, Kilgharrah & Merlin, Merlin & Arthur Pendragon

(Are you sure you) Love Me ((say you) Love Me Remix) 

Merlin still can’t really believe Arthur wants to marry him, or that he loves him.

Probably, is Arthur's fault anyway

Merlin/Arthur Pendragon

Do you remember the first time I kissed you?

Arthur and Merlin's first and last kiss

Merlin/Arthur Pendragon

The king of my heart 

Gwaine and Merlin share a sweet moment

Gwaine/Merlin

Living up their expectations 

Merlin and Arthur talk about thei desire and need to make their fathers proud.

Merlin & Arthur Pendragon

Maybe the next time

Merlin was really starting to hate that shirt.

Usually, he only wore the red shirt on special occasions. Like the first day of a new season, or when it was someone dear's birthday, or when Gaius took him to do something for the first time.

Now, after wearing the red shirt thirteen times in a row, he hated it.

Lancelot & Merlin, Lancelot/Merlin

Do you like my accent? 

Merlin, the Knights and Arthur spend some time together

Gwen/Morgana, Knights of the Round Table/Merlin/Arthur Pendragon

Emrys and the three Queens

Arthur overhear Merlin's conversation with Agravaine.

Things change.

Merlin & Morgana

I like when you protect me 

Well, Merlin had been warned.

Indirectly, from the protective glances of the Knights.

Directly, from Morgana and Gwen's comments.

Now, he could only try to limit the damage.

Gwaine/Merlin, Knights of the Round Table & Merlin & Arthur Pendragon, Gwen/Morgana

Never alone again 

Gwaine realised that Merlin was hiding something.

And in a panic, Merlin denied it and hid behind more lies.

How could their relationship be based on lies?

Gwaine/Merlin, Gwen & Merlin

No. I have magic. 

A magic reveal with a twist.

Gwaine/Merlin, Knights of the Round Table & Merlin, Merlin & Arthur Pendragon

I will always protect Merlin

Gwaine decides to reveal his heritage to Uther

Gwaine/Merlin

This isn't the proper purpose!

Gwaine manages to transform the purpose of one method of communication into another. Which is absolutely not the correct one.

Merlin begins to doubt his own choices (as well as Gwen's)

Gwaine/Merlin, Gwen/Arthur Pendragon

The Seneschal of the King 

Merlin and his new role as the seneschal of Arthur

Merlin & Arthur Pendragon

“What do you have there?”

Merlin adopts a pet and Morgana is not okay with that

Merlin & Morgana

Guilt and Redemption

Finally, after some delays, King Balinor had managed to conquer Camelot, and to demand his revenge for Uther's bloodthirsty pursuit of magic and all its believers.

Uther Pendragon was dead, and with him, the Purge was over.

Gwaine & Lancelot & Merlin, Gwaine & Lancelot & Percival, Balinor/Hunith, Balinor & Hunith & Merlin, Merlin & Nimueh, Gwen & Morgana, Morgana & Arthur Pendragon

Letters from a friend

A collection of all the letters between Merlin and Lancelot

Lancelot & Merlin

Fatal Unions 

Merlin and Arthur marry after knowing each other for only a few weeks, shortly after Merlin starts working at Arthur's company and receives one promotion after another.

But is there more behind this marriage?

Lancelot & Merlin, Gwaine & Merlin, Gwen & Merlin, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon, Leon & Arthur Pendragon

Changing Destinies 

For destiny was not engraved in wrought iron.

And Arianrhod had no intention of making her youngest son suffer again.

A whisper, accompanied by a sweet smile and the boy would have been deaf to attempts to evoke distrust and fear in his destiny.

One answered prayer and the boy would never again lose his good heart or doubt his friends.

They would all get a second chance.

Gwaine/Lancelot/Merlin, Gwen/Arthur Pendragon

Echoes of Magic and Nature 

After the lands of Camelot lose their life, it seems that hope for the kingdom is lost for good.

That is until Prince Arthur decides that he would save his people.

But he will not make this journey alone. He will have allies, even in the most unthinkable places.

After all, to heal the wounds made by an impure heart, it is needed the purest of them all.

Merlin/Arthur Pendragon

Why would I lie when I can tell you the truth? 

Merlin tries to figure out how many people he can admit to having magic without getting caught.

Merlin & Arthur Pendragon

This is my favourite cute little cat ~ okay, it's a bastet

Merlin finds a cute little kitten.

Very very huge, with wings.

Okay, maybe it isn't a kitten, but Merlin likes it.

Merlin & Morgana, Freya & Merlin

Please, he's an Alpha!

Merlin is amazed by the new Alpha, and Arthur isn't happy

Merlin & Arthur Pendragon

I just met you

Arthur and Merlin first meeting.

Or: How Arthur fell in love with Merlin

Freya & Merlin & Will, Morgana & Arthur Pendragon

They lived happily and gay ever after

Youtuber Merlin makes his edits on videos.

It follows a discussion about couples in series.

Gwen/Lancelot, Gwen & Merlin, Gwaine & Gwen, Freya & Merlin & Will, Lancelot & Merlin, Gwaine & Merlin

The hunters and the preys

Merlin is been sold by his older brother to the slaves.

This is how he'll escape them

Merlin (Merlin) & Original Female Character

Jealousy, jealosy

Arthur and the knights are jealous of their Omega

Gwen & Merlin & Morgana, Knights of the Round Table & Merlin, Merlin & Arthur Pendragon

Back to General Masterlist

[hopelessromantic5]

Pride Month somehow went by in a fucking flash.

Here’s a short Merthur clip inspired by a conversation between Sherlock and Molly Hooper on BBC’s Sherlock.

“You’re a bit like my dad. Even after he got sick, he was cheerful and lovely, always. Except when he thought no one could see.” A pause. “I saw him once. He looked sad.”

“Gwen.”

“You look sad.” Another pause.

“You look sad, when you think he can’t see you.”

Arthur stopped his approach on the tattered practice dummy. Flicking his eyes over to where she gestured with her own.

Merlin was polishing armor in the grass.

Arthur didn’t really think before he murmured

“What of it?” And shrugged as if this is something he could just dismiss in one perfectly executed move, just like any foe. But this is an enemy he’s faced many times and lost countless battles. His own stupid incessant bleeding feelings.

This time felt different though. They seemed to be wrapping vines around his heart and lungs. Making it hard to breathe, sometimes he could hear nothing but blood in his ears and the sound of his heart shattering over and over again.

Different people stood behind the knife each time it landed, people he thought he could trust. People he thought loved him as much as he loved them in return.

And each time, he sank to a newer low. One he thought he would never reach.

Morgana.

Uther.

Gwen.

Lancelot.

Agravaine.

The lot of them turned out to hate him for no other reason than being born to the parents that he was. Gwen and Lance may be excluded from this, but their treachery was less to Prince Arthur and closer to the real Arthur. The one that sits beneath the skin of this, now, King.

And then, there was Merlin.

[universitysunflowers]

I rewatched Merlin for the first time in years and collected my thoughts.

Merlin was such a baby in the first season I forget just how tiny and innocent he was.

The number of times Merlin has been suspected of witchcraft and then got out of it is so hilarious like yea here’s this actual wizard but don’t worry he’s been cleared of all charges nothing to worry about here haha

accused by the witchfinder

sentenced to death as old man sorcerer

straight up confessing to Uther in order to save Gwen

Gaius is to old for this

Sir Leon puts up with so much shit from the Pendragon family

Somebody please give him a vacation he does not get paid enough for this (having to tell his boss that he married a troll was a real low point you can see him losing the will to live)

He's running on three hours of sleep and six cups of coffee

Corrie guard commander Fox reincarnated as a knight of Camelot (working for a maniacal tyrant in the most dramatic political court the world has ever seen will take a lot out of you)

King Cenred is the medieval embodiment of the King of Hybern like that is exactly how I imagine him when I read ACOTAR (Tom Ellis, as always, was a great casting choice)

Freya deserved better Ik she had to die to keep the Excalibur storyline going but she could have been such a great character (merlin was so sad bring his gf back poor baby)

Lancelot my wholesome baby you are to precious for this world you deserved so much better

I can't explain it but I just know Gwaine would have done well on book tok

Ok I know Morgana was a terrible queen and burned the crops but honestly props to her for paying attention to the paperwork

I can’t tell if Agravaine looked at Morgana like a daughter or if he was falling in love with her and honestly both are very disturbing to me.

Aithusa is the most adorable dragon look at his little face Ik he gets attached to Morgana but seriously I can’t not love him.

seeing him so beaten and abused is so sad please get him some help

We should have seen more of him with Merlin

How Kilgharra hasn't cooked Merlin like a costco roast chicken is beyond me, this dragon must have some sort of immortality driven godlike patience in order to put up with that boy as long as he has.

Gaius please get a hair cut

I’m a few episodes into season five and I hit that point where I know what’s coming and it’s making me not want to finish the show. I don’t want to but I feel like I should.

I crapped out. I made it to the episode where Gwen uses the stable boy to try and kill Arthur and then never finished the season. I knew this was going to happen I haven't made it all the way through the series in years. If I ever make it through the end of season five again I'll be sure to give my thoughts but for now I've fallen back into a Gossip Girl rewatch.

Sometimes I forgot to write things then wrote it down later so it might be out of order but whatever enjoy my musings.

[a-funeral-pyre]

May Day Parade - Round 3: free space

Once again for @queer-ragnelle 's initiative. I am officially unable to write anything but angst, so this is what I came up with. Since I already wrote about Mordred and I mean to write about Gawain, I thought it was fair to try with the other Orkney brothers. So here it is:

You always knew you were a sinner.

There is more blood on your hands than your uncle wants to see spilled. You felt no mercy as Lamorak coughed up blood and begged to be spared.

But at least you never betrayed your king.

You wonder if he will remember when he sees your body. If this time he will top defending the man who dared to continue to smile at him after getting into his bride's bed.

If he can finally open his eyes and see all the rot that lurks in his shining court.

But you do not want to hope too much. He will probably regret the traitor's loss more than yours. And even if he doesn't, none of your companions will shed a tear for you.

You've made too many enemies in this life. You have never regretted it until this moment.

You don't even know if, given the chance to survive, you would go back. It would be nice to know that someone will miss you. But you would never be able to mend the bonds you broke in your desire to rise above others. Once you put out the fire of envy, you don't know what else could be driving you.

You did not even manage to eliminate the man you most wanted to see fall. And even if his treachery has been discovered, your life will not be considered by anyone too high a price for the revelation of his disloyalty.

You will be remembered only as the wild son of Orkney, thirsty for blood and revenge, and many will sleep better once they hear of your passing. If the thought gave you comfort while you were alive, now you only wish you hadn't spent your life hating those who were brighter than you.

Maybe then your end would have been happier. You probably wouldn't even have died the same way.

At least you wouldn't be here, bleeding out alone, on the cold floor of the room of two blasphemous lovers. When you watched Lamorak take his last ragged breaths, you did not think it would happen to you.

But, if you had someone to call a friend by your side, it would not be so hard to wait for nothing to come.

You manage to block your thoughts before they can degenerate. They will not help you right now, just as they did not help you in life.

It was not out of loyalty that you avenged your uncle's honor. Part of you hopes he does not notice.

You just want to feel like it was worth getting to this point.

…

Your mother would laugh at you if she were here.

She has every right to do so. The man who treacherously killed her, eliminated without warning by a traitor. You would laugh too, if breathing wasn't too painful.

This day would have been hard enough to bear without ending with your death, and with Gareth's cries ringing in your head while you are unable to move and look for him.

It is the right punishment for someone like you, and you are not blind enough not to recognize it.

You would not have wanted to let your queen burn, despite her guilt. But you were not as kind to your own blood. And even if that was not why Lancelot wanted to kill you, you cannot help but feel like fate is punishing you.

But by now, it is too late to regret. At least you are certain that this was the fate you deserved. You could not escape your damnation forever.

You should have no reason to cry for your life. Not after everything you have done. You should have known that sooner or later you would pay for your sins, and your end would not be peaceful.

At least you will see Agravain again. You will burn together, struck down by the same hand. You never thought the thought would bring you comfort.

But Gareth should not be here dying with you. There was no reason why he should pay too.

And there will be someone who will suffer your end in your place. Your uncle has already lost a nephew, a spouse, and a friend. And even if he may accept it, Gawain will not. You listened as he asked you not to participate in the execution.

You do not deserve Lynette's tears.

At least you will not see their mourning. At least you will never know what will happen next, when you are no longer here.

Death brings more death. You have witnessed this many times. And you know that your end is just the beginning. Your brother will not let this act go unpunished.

It's not worth it. Maybe for Gareth. But not for you.

But through your clouded eyes you find no one alive to tell. The blood trail has already been traced. The downfall of Camelot has begun, and you will not be able to stop it. You are dying alone and a sinner, and everything around you is burning.

You try to speak, but only smoke from the fire fills your lungs as you take your last breath. Mother, you try to call, are you satisfied now?

…

You should never have come here.

You should not have agreed to watch the death of the woman you swore to serve and honor. Perhaps, despite her guilt, you should have tried to prevent this sentence from falling on her.

At least she is safe. But, if you had resisted – if only you had decided to follow Gawain and walk away from this place until the ashes had cooled – you would be too.

You just expected that you would contemplate an end you should have opposed to, go home, and try to shake off the memory. You did not believe your life would end instead.

You did not think he would be the one to hit you.

You would not have stopped him. If you had had the courage, you would have joined him. You remember the last words you spoke – you vaguely remember trying to call him, telling him you were not going to fight him, begging him to save the queen.

It was not enough.

You do not want to blame him. Maybe if Lyonesse had been in Guinevere's place, you would have done the same thing he did, even if it meant breaking your vows.

But, even when your soul has completely detached from your body, you will not forget the look on his face as he hit you. The fury, the blind desire to pour blood and fire into the world just so he would not lose everything.

He hated you as his blade fell upon you. His eyes killed you before the metal.

If you had survived, maybe you would have had to fight him. Maybe you would have had to face his contempt again anyway. And you would have had to live with the fact that, after today, he became an enemy.

But this awareness does not save you as you drown in the cold and darkness, with the memory of your last meeting burning inside you.

For a moment you wish you had died before you met your wife, when you had not revealed the truth yet. You would have died anyway, but it would not have been with the knowledge that your world was poisoned and about to collapse. It would not have been with the thought of what Lyonesse will feel when they bring her your bod. It wouldn't be by the hand of the man you considered a friend.

If you had died before, you would not be here wondering what will be the fate of your now too torn family, of the kingdom you swore to protect and of whose fall you will be only one of the first victims.

If you could get up, if you still had the strength to speak, you would go to your uncle and beg him not to shed any more blood. To give up his revenge, not to allow others to end up like you.

But you're too busy wishing for your agony to be short to try. You can only pray – and desperately try to ignore the awareness that your prayers will go unanswered.

[megashadowdragon]

this is a cool comic I found thanks to kob131 and I put it on here since I liked it so much by AGNerdBot ( if that person doesnt like the fact I did this I will take it off

my own comment

the land of the fairys in fate series runs outside of time and space its possible that lancelot was raised in the land of fairy's or some other place with a different time axis so when he was sent to the human world the time spent in the land of fairys was longer than the time that actually passed in human world

I just found out that its also on reddit www . reddit . com/r/grandorder/comments/otg75p/how_convoluted_can_this_family_tree_get/ reddit comments

Welp, first post on Reddit and on r/grandorder, so hope y'all find it half as funny as some other folk did.

I made this because in Lostbelt 6.2, Holmes mentioned the theory that Morgan Le Fay is also the Vivian, the Lady of the Lake, and in turn, Nimue is an alias used by Vivian. Nimue's also the name of the fairy that raised Sir Lancelot, meaning that, through one really convoluted set of circumstances… Morgan Le Fay is Lancelot's mom.

Poor Artoria has enough crap to deal with, and now she's gonna have to deal with people accusing her of nepotism.

Nah. Nepostism was common on Ancient times.

Just think about that.

Gawain, Gareth and Agravain are her Nephews.

Kay is her Brother and Mordred is her Son.

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User avatar level 3 TheChaosEntity · 2 yr. ago Gaheris, another of the canon-Fate KORT is also her Morgan’s son.

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User avatar level 4 AGNerd-Bot OP · 2 yr. ago · edited 2 yr. ago Artoria: THAT TEARS IT, IS THERE ANY KNIGHT OF THE ROUND TABLE THAT ISN'T RELATED TO ME?!

Percival and Bedivere: raises their hands

Tristan: lowers their hands Don't tempt fate like that.

User avatar level 1 The_Space_Jamke · 2 yr. ago

. Well, not yet anyways…

Deep within the reaches of Kronborg Castle, a certain narcoleptic paladin shuddered and was roused from slumber by the thought of reliving Morgan le Fay's reverse Hikaru Genji plan. Then he took one look at the bleached planet, realized this crisis was way above his pay grade, and went right the fuck back to sleep.

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User avatar level 1 Corvus0018 · 2 yr. ago

O pitiful shadow, lost in the darkness… There are no family trees in Fate.

Only family tumbleweeds.

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User avatar level 1 WatanabeYunosuke · 2 yr. ago Can I get translation from for when Lancelot goes full Frenchman.

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User avatar level 2 AGNerd-Bot OP · 2 yr. ago “That is so incredibly repugnant that I’d rather wash my mouth out with Gawain’s piss!”

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User avatar level 3 WatanabeYunosuke · 2 yr. ago Thanks you sir.

[kiwikipedia]

I decided that I better post the first and second ascensions before I went insane and did the third fully. Circe’s staff is a placeholder, but once I have all three I’ll post this again lol

Anyways, did you know that there’s almost zero muscular guys with their legs showing fully? I worked with Caligula but it was still a bit of a trial. There’s a lot more of guys who wear armor and leg coverings than you’d think!

I used and edited assets from Summer Robin Hood, Summer Blackbeard, and Waver (shirt), Rider Da Vinci (ponytail... hair not uh, horse tail), Summer Marie, Kiara, and Kiyohime (hat and flowers) , Caligula (as stated above), Summer Costume and Alter Emiya (Torso and cooler), and Lancer Arturia Alter (horse ears). Saddle bag and towel were hand done and everything else was taken and edited from Chiron’s own assets.

Not including the Draft Layers, Two Ascensions end up close to 400 Layers which seems like a lot but when you factor in the combination of color, lineart, shading and the shirt’s texturing, its a lot. Fate’s sprites are all cut up so you gotta make sure it all fits, yeah?

Anyways (again), I have a general plot line for the Summer Event with Caster Summer Chiron (tentatively called Eternal Summer Stage / Lost Summer Stage) and also the individual sets below the cut as well as the taglist

In general, I’m thinking that kinda like the Hawai’i event, this one takes place in Greece, but things are really different — either the nation’s been condensed or it’s impossible to tell where you are in Greece, even for the Greeks.

The premise is that something or someone is creating an influx of energy there, causing an unbalance or some shit but while the threat level is low, allowing for you to take your time (as all Summer events do), it still needs to be dealt with.

Chiron is your main companion Servant though he’s not the welfare one. He, alongside of a rather enthusiastic Li Shuwen and unmasked Berserker Lancelot— both of which are also Summer Servants for the first half wave (Li being either Saber or Berserker) and Lancelot being a Lancer but still Berserker’s more mellowed and gloomy character.

(Costume dress Servants are still up in the air but I’m weighing more on Hans Christian Biggerson and Geronimo, with the long overdue Hawai’i Cu, and Medusa)

Upon arrival, there’s all sorts of plays and performances going on up and down the coast and further inland where there’s a large village up against a Mountain. Both myth and man are mingling, to which Medusa and Chiron both note to be something much out of an ancient sort of tale (hence why Chiron can take his true form and no one cares).

The first half of the event is mostly solving the mystery of what this influx of energy even is— which is where you meet the second Summer Servants for the first half. Technically not Summer in terms of Class change, Ching Shih is the first you meet, dressed in that event’s other Costume Dress for her summer look. She’s happy to help, though there seems to be something a bit off about how easily things start to pop up after that. Plays pertaining to [    ] and other tales, along with even more heroic legends being spun and told. At night, you often run into an unknown woman who sits and chats with you about things as well.

All the while, Chiron seems to become more and more troubled as time goes on.

One night, however, you wander outside the inn because you can’t sleep only to get attacked by rouge Servants. This is when the second meeting happens— and it’s the “Dark fellow” that Ching Shih has been talking about. None other than Sir Agravain of Iron is here.

Though he recognizes you, he doesn’t say much on the matter, simply defeating the rouge Servants and sending them back to the Throne mercilessly. Post fight, Chiron arrives with Ching Shih and Li Shuwen and Agravain is formally introduced.

(There’s an entire thing about him wearing black armor and then you get his costume dress for free)

After that, the reveal that there’s all sorts of half-phantom-half-servants or rouge servants hiding about is finally confirmed though you’ve been fighting shadows and monsters before, the real task is at hand.

In general throughout the farming periods, the Servants will state that they are splitting up to investigate the area, kinda like the very first summer event where each location is a little bit of a sub story (Lancer-lot and Cu are at the shore investigating traces of magical energy with Geronimo, Li Shuwen and Medusa are investigating the plays and performances with Ching Shih, Biggerson and Agravain are in the town investigating there) so that’s there to get the rest of the costume dresses in the shop (Ching Shih, Cu, Medusa, Biggerson, Gero, etc)

The second half has much more to do with Chiron than the first, though he’s your companion for the first half.

Achilles joins the group, though like Ching Shih, he seems a bit odd, but he arrives and arrives with startling news which kicks off the second half of the event— the mountain against the town is Mount Pelion, the Birthplace of Greek Heroes.

This, of Course, has Chiron absolutely of kilter because suddenly he’s home. Ching Shih admits that she feels like a majority of the Singularity’s power is coming from the Mountain but didn’t want to risk going there because it’s crawling with phantom-servants— which only spurs Chiron to restate that he should still go to investigate there.

Everyone decides to go after that, because Chiron clearly isnt about to just up and let it go.

As you go through the mountain you learn a bit more about it from Chiron and Achilles, and Medusa inputs some that she knows. Agravain and Lancelot get into a minor fight, but it’s settled by Hans mostly, the usually in-between stuff.

Oh and did I mention that during this time there’s also cutscenes and non battle story from an unknown person’s POV within another space? Because there is.

In general, I’m still working out the middle chunks, but the ending is pretty much the arrival at Chiron’s Cave, only to be met by the mysterious woman who you’ve been talking to at night. It turns out that she’s Chariclo and she admits— or seems to admit— that she’s been summoning Servants from between the lines of history and Servants that normally have been gotten overlooked for some reason or another due to either being seen as not heroic enough, prejudiced factors, or they’ve simply been forgotten.

Some other stuff happens, and right when she’s about to say something pretty important you’re interrupted... by you.

Another version of you has arrived and it turns out that while Chariclo has been summoning and maintaining Servants, it wasn’t her choice. The other You has been having her do so in order to find [     ] and you know who that is— how could you not?

An argument breaks out, the other You is convinced that Chariclo has already summoned That Man, and while she doesn’t deny it, she states she can’t let the Other You into the Cave because it’ll ruin things. the Other You is determined, and perhaps a bit irrational with obsession to see That Man again and orders the Shadows to attack.

While almost every Servant is there for support, Achilles is not, and when the battles are done you realize why as Achilles stands by the Other You.

Chariclo is firm, continuing to refuse entry into the cave, and the Other You has had enough. Achilles is revealed to have not been Chaldea’s Achilles and apologizes before he’s ordered to kill Chariclo. Obviously, Chiron’s not about that, and takes the blow, severely wounding him.

Of course, this causes a chain reaction, as Li Shuwen and Agravain immoderately go for the kill on Achilles— the Other You makes a move for the Cave, you intercept Yourself because even though Chariclo might not have been a full alley, she had protected the Cave vehemently, Medusa and the others hold off the others are still fighting the shadows, before the mountain shakes.

While not dead, Chiron’s blood on Chariclo’s hands is enough to pull her from her passive state and forge a temporary contract with you. In combination, you and Chariclo stop the Other You and there’s a long conversation about grief and letting go before You and the shadows leave— either fading away or just leaving.

Once gone, Chariclo immediately has you bring Chiron into the cave so she can start healing him.

This is where you meet your welfare— none other than Romani Archaman himself. He’s weak, of course, but there and its a big reunion moment only to be interrupted by the Singularity destabilizing now that the Other You is gone.

There’s conflict, of course. Chariclo wasn’t lying when she said that Romani was too unstable to bring back. Similarly, the only reason she was able to appear, that she knows of, is because they are at Mount Pelion meaning she too is too unstable to follow a Rayshift. Unless a Holy Grail is used.

A choice is presented that you have to make, but all your choices are Romani, no matter how much you or Chiron want to bring Chariclo back as well. When you make your choice, Chariclo will present you a Grail and admit she didn’t use it on Romani at first because she was terrified what the Other You would do when Romani was stable.

With Romani Stabilized, everyone moves to head back down the Mountain for a rayshift back, but Chiron lingers. There’s grief, of course, but the two must say goodbye once more.

... Only, upon arriving in Chaldea, it turns out to not be the case.

Upon Chiron’s injury, Chariclo’s Noble Phantasm, “Lifeblood of Pelion”, quite literally used Chiron’s blood as fuel upon it being soaked into the ground. While they’re not the same as Ryoma and Oryou, as they’re separate Servants, Chiron and Chariclo’s origins linked and allowed for her to exist in Chaldea as another Caster. it’s a bittersweet ending, as Ching Shih and Agravain did not follow— but it’s no worry. Ching Shih stated that she’d see you again, and Agravain, while he didn’t say so, simply nodded in response.

( * Basically Ching Shih and Agravain are added to the permanent summon pool with Ching Shih being a 5* Rider and Agravain a 3* Assassin )

Chaldea Achilles remains extremely put out that he had been the one to harm Chariclo in the Singularity— and also annoyed he couldn’t go because he was busy making sure that Herc didn’t go off the rails.

Post event, the usual collection of the other 4 copies for the np5 welfare are unlocked along with a costume dress for Romani. Who is a Shielder class Servant.

So yeah. That’s basically the bare-bones of the idea. I don’t quite remember where the Shielder Romani idea came from but I saw a post on it and filed it away in my brain forever. The only reason Medusa, Cu, and Gero aren’t full servants is because I really couldn’t think of good classes for them. The only ones I can really think of for Gero is Avenger, and Medusa has alts for lancer and avenger, and Cu has alts for saber caster and berseker... also there’s the Servant pool of Ching Shih, Agravain, Chariclo, Chiron, and Li Shuwen, which is a hefty number even if the first two are perma summon.

If Third Asc Chiron doesn’t obliterate my soul then I’m probably going to work on Summer Li Shuwen next, or the Costume Dress trio of Gero, Medusa, and Cu. Then we’ll see about making those sprites where there’s no character base to use at all.. I might die (jk)

But when I do post the third ascension I’m going to include hatless Chiron because he’s got a lil bow hair tie and the horse ears are CUTE as hell

Anyways, Tag list below. Good god if you made it this far congratulations I know I ramble and make zero sense half the time

Taglist Form or feel free to ask me to get tagged (just DM!):

@jedifisto​​ @spaceydragons​​ @purgetrooperfox​​ @spacerocksarethebestrocks​ @insanelytomato @babygirljoelmiller​ @certified-anakinfucker​ @d3epfriedanger​ @genifer-championofpaldea​​ @thecodyagenda​ @babygirl-leon-kennedy​ @txtalnyx​ @jawajawas​

Please tell me if you want to be taken off of the list as this is no longer just Star Wars art

Additional Tags for those who have been interested in Summer Chiron the past few days (i hope you dont mind):

@300iqprower​ @bitterrosebrokenspear​ @random-senpai​

[shootwithintenttokill]

One thing BBC's Merlin should have done (and not the one you're thinking of)

Because somehow I am making a Merlin post in 2023

I love magic reveal fics and Lancelot lives fics and so on as much as the next person, but there is one idea that the more I think about it, the more sense it makes to do to the extent when I first watched Merlin, I genuinely was surprised when this didn’t happen:

Gaius dies.

(Explanation after the break)

Not exactly sounding like a fix-it, I know. And, though it might sound like it, this is not post about hating Gaius, and I will explain my reasons. But I’ll start with a little explanation on how it might go down.

I think the main reason this never happened in the show was because Gaius was someone Merlin could talk to regularly and easily about his magic within Camelot. It allowed the audience to understand what he was doing, and why, for the more magical aspects of the show, without having to run out to the forest every five minutes for chats with the dragon. So it would probably have to be combined with either Lancelot lives or Gwaine finds out or something, so that Merlin still has someone to discuss magic with and cover for him. I would imagine it would happen in The Secret Sharer episode (season 4), probably Agravaine kills Gaius before Gwaine can stop him. This gives time for Merlin to process both his mentor’s death and what it means for his role in Camelot, before the season finale.

So, why?

It makes Merlin the authority, rather than the student. Merlin has been studying magic for 6 or 7 years, by season 4. By anyone’s standard, he would probably know what he is talking about by that point. And it’s been shown in several episodes that he doesn’t need Gaius - such as the Goblin in S3, or figuring out how to trick the troll in S2. It wouldn’t be uncharacteristic for him to be able to explain something magical to a knight, or even Arthur. And in a show called Merlin, where Merlin is coming into his power and knowledge, it almost seems illogical to have him going to Gaius for absolutely everything, but he does, when he has Gaius to rely on.

It gives Merlin a reason to be openly respected. Despite the ‘I’m happy to be your servant until the day I die’ thing, Merlin should have got more esteem in the last seasons. Gaius gets a seat on the (big) round table in S5, for his knowledge on magical creatures and threats. If he’s dead, is Arthur just going to give up that seat and not have any questions about magic? No, he’s going to give it to Gaius’ apprentice and the person who has been helping him with research for years. This gives a reason for Merlin to become a more official advisor, have his thoughts listened to without being in the privacy of Arthur’s chambers. Basically, Merlin could have become the advisor to Arthur that Gaius was to Uther if Gaius was dead, but while Gaius is alive neither Arthur nor Merlin would have a reason to make that happen.

Gaius holds Arthur and Merlin back. Gaius is the sorcerer who turned his back on sorcerers, who protected a murderous king while watching thousands of innocents be murdered in the hopes of saving a few. He is a product of Uther’s rule, and is scared enough by what he’s seen that he continually advises against telling Arthur not just about Merlin’s magic, but a huge number of other magical events, and quite simply doesn’t give Arthur a chance to choose to be better. And as for Merlin, he continually advises him caution and restraint, even when it goes wrong (like with Morgana). If you take a comparison between Lancelot and Gaius, where Lancelot continually encourages him, going so far as to suggest he tells Arthur, Gaius continually cautions him not to. Neither of them care any less about Merlin, or want to see magic free less, it’s simply their character. Gaius is scared, looking back at Uther and the deaths that were, and too afraid Arthur is like his father to tell him that magic can be good. But Lancelot is hopeful, and sees Arthur as the man who gave him a knighthood when his father wouldn’t and looks forward to the future that could be. With Gaius gone, and someone like Lancelot or Gwaine advising Merlin as a friend, rather than a father-figure, there is so much more potential for the ‘golden age’ to actually happen in the show.

It fits with the themes of S4. One of the big themes to me in S4 is that Camelot truly becomes a kingdom of the younger generation. Compare Uther’s council in S1-3, to the Round Table in S5. The average age is significantly younger - Arthur goes from being the outlier as the young Prince in a room of old lords, to Gaius looking out of place as an old man in a room of young knights and Gwen. And it’s not just Camelot’s council. The primary villains progressively get younger too - from Nimueh and Morgause, who remember and object to the purge, to Morgana, whose hatred is more focused on her growing up in fear. Gaius is the only person with any significant role in season 5 who is of the older generation, and he does just genuinely seem out of place - someone who is very much Uther’s advisor in a kingdom otherwise completely run by Arthur.

To me, this just makes so much sense. The simple reason is that Merlin genuinely couldn’t have grown to be the advisor he should have been in season 5, or created the golden age the show promised us, because he couldn’t stop relying on Gaius while he was alive, and Gaius couldn’t step away and let Merlin take charge, but was also too scared by the deaths he’d seen to give Arthur the chance, choice, and information he needed to build the world he should have.

In summary, Gaius should have died and it could have dramatically improved the final season of the show.

Also, if you know any good fics for this I’d love to know. Scorch marks and embers by southfarthing on AO3 works on this premise, except Morgana finds out who Emrys is and basically taunts him for 90,000 words, and I really recommend checking it out because it’s amazing.

[queer-ragnelle]

Why do you hate the Once and Future Knight? I decided not to pick up the book because of personal preference but I’d love to hear your rant on it

Hi anon!

I’m assuming you mean The Once and Future King by TH White?

There’s nothing I could say that hasn’t already been said before I’m sure. But I didn’t read the series until I had already read many other Arthurian tales and I really don’t understand the love the series gets. The negatives don’t outweigh the positives, and worse, the lasting impact of TH White’s characterization choices on subsequent retellings is a stain on the literary tradition that set us back too far to comprehend. Putting my rant below a cut because I went off and the subject matter is disgusting.

First and foremost, the bigotry is astounding. The racism, the misogyny, the ableism and every other prejudice and cruelty you can think of are staggering in their variety and magnitude. It’s vile. It’s inexcusable. I don’t read modern Arthurian retellings to be bombarded with that in every single chapter. TOAFK is not “a product of its time.” It’s a product of a deeply unhappy and hateful man. Plenty of earlier writing is vastly kinder to Palomides and Guinevere and Morgause and Mordred and Lancelot or any other character unlucky enough to be depicted by TH White. Literally the Medieval source material is more nuanced than that. Morgause get behind me.

Secondly, the anachronism is an annoying stylistic choice at best and yet another tool for bigotry at worst. Why are Mordred and Agravaine likened to Nazis? Like seriously what the hell? It’s not enough for them to be antagonists, the text has to invoke the Holocaust? It’s so extreme it rips the reader right out of the story and calls to mind the most horrific parts of history for no narrative benefit whatsoever. Baffling and bad.

Thirdly, the prose just kinda sucks. It’s rambling and TH White will pause the narrative to stand on a soap box to talk at the reader about his views. He’s anti-war. Fine. But of all characters to use as a mouthpiece—King Arthur? The warlord King Arthur? Make it make sense.

Fourth, most tragically of all, so much of what TH White did in his series is reflected in stories told to this day. Every other retelling has a cover quote comparing it to TOAFK. (It’s supposed to be a compliment!) To put it in perspective…

You ever read a retelling with evil neglectful parent and rapist Morgause/Morgan? TH White’s fault.

How about added incest between one of the Orkney bros and their mother (which sometimes results in someone other than Gaheris killing her, say, Agravaine or Mordred)? Thanks, TH White, that’s just what Arthurian Legend was missing, more incest.

Ever see disabled, crippled, bad seed Mordred? TH White started that trend.

What about Guinevere assaulting Lancelot when she learns about Elaine getting him drunk and raping him? TH White really said “Lol what if Guinevere hits Lancelot and spits in his face while he’s crying?”

And the racism! TH White walked so Thomas Berger could run (derogatory). Discussions of race are so intense and so frequent and so random like one minute the narrator has paused the plot to talk about how war is bad and now it’s slandering Native Americans? Brother this is Medieval England what is even happening right now? Oh, look, another N bomb. The antisemitism! Weren’t you just comparing Mordred to Hitler? What do you mean the Orcadian/Scottish characters are evil because of *checks notes* “the incalculable miasma which is the leading feature of the Gaelic brain?” [Queen of Air and Darkness chapter 5] Thanks TH White for stripping Lot, Morgause, Gawain, Agravaine, Gaheris, Gareth, and Mordred of all nuance, a condition from which they have, literally, never recovered. Of course there are some retellings since that write one or two of them with a crumb of nuance, but they’ll never be like they were in the Vulgate. Not all at the same time. I feel sick.

It goes on and on. I have to stop listing examples or I’ll get pissed off. But frankly, more people should be pissed off about it! I’m tired of seeing five star reviews on storygraph and goodreads accompanied by a review excusing the most bigoted garbage I have ever read in a children’s book. It’s vile and everyone should feel bad about defending it. It’s inexcusable. This wasn’t a case of good-intentioned inclusion with dated language, this was an author going out of his way to be hateful. Period.

Big names in the fantasy book community like Daniel Greene should not be awarding five stars and leaving an uncritical review.

Far too many readers acknowledge the racism and then rate it five stars anyway. Go to Hell, Spencer.

Here’s some from storygraph with, of course, praise for Marion Zimmer-Bradley’s pedophilic power fantasy Mists of Avalon, another piece of hot festering sludge everyone should stop talking about. Kill the legacy already. The real life victims have suffered enough.

There also seems to be a trend in these reviews that excuse the texts bigotry by referring to how “old” it is. Which is crazy to me for many reasons. TOAFK in its final form was published in 1958. That wasn’t that long ago. Also racism has always been racism, misogyny has always been misogyny, ableism has ways been ableism. Plenty of authors came before this and really make TH White look like a clown.

Let’s promote them. In reverse!

John Steinbeck wrote The Acts of King Arthur and His Noble Knights in 1956 (published posthumously in the 70s, don’t go by that date). His depictions of Morgan and Guinevere are nuanced and fascinating, not to mention some original characters including an old granny who teaches Owain to be a warrior! This book also has a morally gray sun-powered Gawain without insulting his heritage, an emotional and thought-provoking Lancelot without marking his sin with a facial deformity, and a really sweet Marhalt who doesn’t often get much spotlight!

John Erskine wrote Restoring Palamede in 1932. He does exactly what the cover says, and writes a story about the Muslim knight Palomides beginning in his own country, living with his parents whom are both named, and follows him as he learns the ways of the world and finds an ally in his friend Brangaine! Tristan and Isolde are compelling here and while Tristan can still be a jerk to Palomides, it’s not the mask-off bigotry we’ve seen…elsewhere.

Howard Pyle wrote one, two, three, four books between 1903-1910. Two thumbs up from me. No notes. He drank his respect women juice, drew them with loving care, named so many previously unknown, and gave them voices. He was kind in his portrayal to Palomides and even some other knights of color from India. Morgause survives the narrative! We love to see it!!!

Henry Newbolt wrote Mordred: A Tragedy in 1895. A fascinating examination of family ties, all five Orkney brothers here AND their wives Lyonors, Lynette, and Laurel! (Minus Ragnelle bc life is unfair.) Guinevere and Lancelot are tragic and heart wrenching. Arthur struggles against his son Mordred and their destiny in a way that doesn’t outright demonize either side. It will rewire your brain.

Richard Hovey wrote his poetry between 1891-1900. A complex and interesting Guinevere and Elaine who are not enemies, Lancelot close with Galehaut during the war, destroyed by his torn loyalties between Arthur and Guinevere, Gawain who loves his friend Lancelot with all his heart, and so much more without tearing anyone down!

Oscar Fay Adams wrote his poetry between 1886-1906. Here we get a wide variety of character focus, with title-featured names from King Lot to Dagonet to Lamorak to Lionel. Each one is more fascinating and nuanced and fresh than the last, from a tour of Lot’s castle and meeting each inhabitant to Lamorak on Grail Quest learning to forgive himself from “sweet” Sagramore.

William Morris wrote his poetry between 1856-1910. All of it is on the Camelot Project but I also have this scanned book. Here we delve into Guinevere’s trial as she calls out those who have wronged her, lonely Galahad on Grail Quest relating to his father Lancelot and praising Palomides in his steadfast hunt of the Questing Beast, there’s even a poem named for Palomides himself!!!

Anonymous wrote Moriaen in the 13th century. It follows Aglovale’s illegitimate son Moriaen, who is of African descent. As he travels around Britain looking for his father, Moriaen meets many people who are afraid of his dark skin. BUT! All the Knights of the Round Table leap to his defense, even threatening townsfolk who try to demonize Moriaen for the way he looks and refuse him service. It is, essentially, an anti-racism story from the Medieval era. Not to mention healer Gawain’s care and attention given to the sick and disabled. That’s not even the moral/focus of the story so much as Moriaen’s journey, but it’s there and worth mentioning.

So here we are with a whole list of stuff to read that predates TOAFK and surpasses it. The last one is only sort of a joke. But it’s there to make a point about how inexcusable TH White’s racism really is. If Anonymous could give a black knight like Moriaen the narrative respect he’s entitled to for existing as a representation of real human beings that look like him, then TH White was capable of it too. Progress is not linear. This is not to say Medieval times were “better” than society today. But to write off any problematic story of the recent past as “a product of its time” as an excuse to make oneself feel better about liking it, well, I don’t know what to say. Maybe reflect on that. And while that marinates, read something else.

[bean5prouts]

gareth and/or dinadan 🧸👻💔

[insert road to el dorado "both is good" gif here] i'll just do all the questions for both characters individually! and also apologies in advance, this got long lol

for gareth:

🧸 A headcanon about their childhood i think gareth probably had a few silly irrational fears as a kid that his brothers would "help him get over" through like, exposure therapy while they played. cue 13 year old agravaine holding a snail in front of 5 year old gareth's face while he cries about it. i think he's probably More afraid of snails now.

👻 A headcanon about what scares them this kinda ties into the first one by accident LOL but i imagine gareth having a few minor fears of little things like bugs and heights and stuff like that, he gets into his head a lot about things that could potentially harm him and gets a bit frightened because of that. i do think his Big, All-Encompassing Fear though would be losing his loved ones in conflict. his brothers are all very revenge-prone, and lancelot is also very prone to getting revenge enacted on him. it was only a matter of time.

💔 An angsty headcanon i think the year gareth spent as beaumains kinda solidified his distance from his brothers from the getgo. the fact that they didn't even look at him or make an effort to let him know they recognized him hurt, so bad. i think it was at that point that gareth realized his family was elsewhere.

for dinadan:

🧸 A headcanon about their childhood i like to headcanon that dinadan learned to play instruments at an early age! he'd sneak out of whatever training he had for the day to go and play his guitar or whatever he was learning at that point. also i love to imagine this tiny little boy with a guitar that's way too big for him

👻 A headcanon about what scares them i think that dinadan is terrified of dying. the thought keeps him up at night sometimes, especially on quests and stuff like that where he knows his and his friends' lives are in danger. at least tournaments are a more controlled environment, but they still scare him a bit. he doesn't like getting hurt.

💔 An angsty headcanon LISTEN. LISTEN TO ME. WHERE WAS DINADAN WHEN BRUNOR SHOWED UP TO COURT. i'm just.. imagining how he felt, watching his brother ride up to the round table wearing their father's tattered and bloodied surcoat. the moment of realization seeing the stained coat of arms. i think dinadan would have been angry at brunor. and upset with himself for not being there. the grief hits all at once and he has nothing to do except just sit with it, stew in it. he tries to keep a cool attitude and stays laid-back and stuff, but i think that would have been a breaking point

thank you for the ask, sorry this got so long LOL i have a lot to say about my faves :]

[tiodolma]

Who do you like more, Eva Green's Morgana or Katie McGrath's? 🙆

Thank you for the ask! @the-king-and-the-druidess

I have been pondering this myself for a few days now, especiallg with all the camelot x merlin shenanigans happening in my asks.

I like the Morgans I’ve seen so far. They all have qualities that make them the best in different categories.

Most accurate backstory and relationshit with merlin - Excalibur 1981 Morgana (Helen Mirren)

Best in becoming "loosest woman to ever live” - Starz Camelot Morgan (Eva Green)

Best in politics - Eva Green

Best sister/adversary to Arthur - for now Katie Mcgrath but I honestly think the Morgana from Mists of Avalon wins this even though I havent seen it.

Most compelling and logical backstory/reasons for war- Katie Mcgrath (coz her story deals with racial persecution and not just the "women=bad” narrative)

Best in fun shenanigans - Katie Mcgrath.

Katie’s is my fave adaptation coz she got to do all the really fun morgana stuff (minus the sex). Fun traditional Morgana stuff like:

Being really into fabrics

Loving apples

Necromancy

Healing/caretaker

Benevolent and smart

Loving Mordred

Acted as counsel to arthur for a time

Chasing after Merlin hungry for his knowledge, trust and also magic (first honestly then eventually in order to spurn him)

Sullying Guinevere’s honor/revealing gwencelot to arthur

Torturing and the unjust imprisonment of Guinevere and the knights for little reason

Loads of court intrigue

Takeover camelot more than once

Use old crone persona

Use birds for her plans

Healing people just to torture them again

Employinh other/younger girls to seduce knights and spy for her.

Build a community of loyalists sympathetic to her

Playing with Lancelot in a shtty manner

Taunting Gwaine

Having a lot of familiar arthurian allies working with her like morgause, agravaine and mordred

That self-righteousness and feminine fury

Her plans keep getting foiled so she comes up with even better more convuluted plans

Virtually unkillable (until that cop-out execution at the end of DotD)

Like i said before, i appreciate how they jampacked what little i know of legendary morgana into bbc’s adaptation.

Though i dont think this next part is faithful to traditional arthurian morgana, the tyranny part was a good bonus for me coz it’s very accurate to what radicalism/insurgency looks like irl. Plus with BBC Merlin’s premise, it really really works.

Imho The magic ban/persecution actually gave katie’s morgan le fay character more depth coz she now had more solid justification for the awful things that she does...compared to in the legends where it’s basically “morgan le fay retaliating really badly or exacting her sadistic brand of justice when she did not get what she wanted or when she was slighted.”

Also.... I just appreciate the dualistic nature of Katie’s Morgana the most. Katie played her hatred and rage with so much humanity, pain, loneliness, desperation and sadness. Hers is one of the coolest acting performances I have ever seen. (s5 especially)

Tbf tho she had been blessed with 5 seasons to really truly embody the essence of morgana from the legends (except all the sex and being an actual mom). Eva green was also good at this but with only one season given to her, eva green didnt get to play around as much as katie did.

The only thing that was missing was really katie’s morgana taking arthur’s body to avalon. (Mists!Morgana wins this one).

[fluffypotatey]

Re: Squires of the Round Table.

The ones who serve Percival do not mind the lack of sleeves bc when they're stuck on chainmaille-cleaning duty, they always get done first.

"Ah, all done, guess that's it for me, see you later, lads."

"Fuck yourself, Lucan."

And yes to Mob Wife Merlin, and also consider, just about every RT squire is Very Much Aware that Merlin has magic, but he's always so nice and helps them if they need it and tells them all kinds of insider tips and sneaks them sweetmeats from the kitchen, so if you say one damn word, Roland will fucking cut you, istg.

Like, their circus, their monkeys, but not their fuck to give.

Merlin, So Tired and just wants to Rest: *rolls a Nat 1 on a stealth check doing magic*

SotRT, eating Forbidden Snacks: Wow, that looks like someone-who-gets-paid-more-than-me's problem.

anon, you are so right. they don't mind nothing that will ease the endless chores they're required to do. the first time the other squires realize this leads to an all out prank war concerning chainmail, a horrid supply in soap water, and a tired king lecturing said squires because they should know better they are the future knights of camelot--

the knights totally sided with their own squires but they are standing behind arthur shaking their heads as if they weren't involved. gwaine was the one to start a sponge war but it was lancelot that involved the stablehands

it is now my belief that the knights dragoon met in....that one episode that i'm forgetting the title of (was it in s3? s4??? you know the "i am what i am" scene) was the first time the squires ever encountered merlin using magic (they didn't know then it was merlin but you get what i mean) and it is here where they decide that they are not paid enough for this. sure, they'll chase after the old coot because who would want to face the disappointed look on sir leon's face? not them that's for sure.

they definitely raised an eyebrow when lancelot covered for merlin. like, not to judge lancelot but your excuse could have been much better. lucan here has a couple notes ("the tavern excuse is getting old, can't they say he's gone on a date?" "you say that, but the king hasn't even sent a knight to supervise merlin when he's 'at the tavern'" "it's still dumb!").

it's the squires that mess with agravaine the most. they saw what he did to gaius, they know that there's something fishy going on with this dude. they can't really make him disappear because he's a high profile man and the king's uncle, but they can make his day a living minor inconvenience. oh, you wanted the gray steed, sire??? could have sworn you wanted this brown one. is she temperamental? sire, i'd never give you such a horse! (agravaine is later thrown off his horse who was, in fact, temperamental, and disliked being kicked.)

[weakforarwen]

Thinking about how Morgana directly or indirectly killed all of Gwen's family.

Uther sentenced Tom to die but any hopes of proving his innocence and saving him were shattered when Morgana helped him break out of his cell. It was Tom's choice to try to escape, and I can't fault him or Morgana for their choices, but Morgana's good intentions expedited Tom's death, something I hadn't even noticed until it was pointed out by @groundbreakingdot872 in a post.

Elyan obviously died because of Morgana. Either him or Arthur were meant to die by the magical sword in the room with Gwen and Elyan got to Gwen first (for some reason it took Arthur ages to reach them when he hadn't been far behind Elyan...)

Arthur, Gwen's remaining family, died because of Morgana too, by Mordred's hand but with her enchanted blade.

It's insane to me how Gwen suffered more at Morgana's hands than Arthur did. I blame that first and foremost on the writers' racism and misogyny, but it's also a reflection of the kind of person Morgana became - someone who thought herself better than a mere servant without any magic.

It's also worth remembering everything Gwen had to face and endure to be with Arthur, all that she risked and sacrificed for him:

Even before Morgana, Gwen risked her life being loved by Arthur. She knew how Uther would react if he learned of her and Arthur. She had already been sentenced to die once, yet it wasn't Uther's wrath she feared; she feared coming between Uther and Arthur and weakening Camelot, because Arthur had to be King and she wasn't Queen material (or so she thought). She feared that Arthur wouldn't be able to choose her and she feared that he would.

When Morgana found out about Gwen and Arthur, she had Elyan and Gwen kidnapped. Gwen didn't learn of Morgana's involvement (she probably guessed eventually), but despite Merlin's words to her, she knew she'd been targeted for her relationship with Arthur. Her life, and her brother's life, were threatened but she didn't think for one second to blame Arthur or reassess their relationship. If anything, she became more certain of her and Arthur's future.

In 3.10, Gwen was again sentenced to die but she only thought of Arthur. She worried about how he would cope after her death. She also told Arthur he should never abandon Camelot for her. She put him, his future, and the future of Camelot, above herself.

Uther sentenced Gwen to die twice, tried to banish her, slapped her, killed her father, showed time and time again he thought her life was worthless, and still she took care of him. For Arthur. Her love for Arthur and her compassionate nature, who pitied Uther despite everything he'd done, was stronger than any hatred and resentment she harbored for the King. She was stronger than fear or hatred - she never let it consume her.

Gwen asked Lancelot to protect Arthur when she knew he planned to risk his life for them all. It mustn't have been easy to ask a man who perhaps still had feelings for her to protect the man she loved with his life. It was a Knight's duty to protect and give his life for their King but Gwen still specifically asked Lancelot to bring Arthur home. She believed Lancelot had died keeping his promise to her and she lived with that guilt. No matter what happened, she never reconsidered her relationship with Arthur, thought it would have been much easier to date a normal man.

She told Arthur not to look for Merlin in 4.06 and was grateful that Mordred was hurt instead of Arthur in 5.05. Gwen loved Merlin and didn't wish any harm on Mordred, but she loved Arthur to the point where she would risk anything and anyone for Arthur.

Gwen endured Agravaine's disapproval and likely the disapproval of many others who didn't wish for a servant to become Queen. She must've had her doubts and insecurities but she never showed them, because she wanted to marry Arthur and to support him.

Arthur banished Gwen but she still risked her life returning to Camelot to warn him of Morgana's plans and Agravaine's betrayal. She nearly died for it too.

She sentenced a young girl to death to flush out her father just to protect Arthur. That wasn't an easy decision for Gwen to make and she had truly cared for Sefa.

Elyan died and Gwen's agency was stolen from her - she murdered an innocent man and nearly killed her husband while not herself - because Morgana hated she was Queen and wanted to kill Arthur. But did she ever blame Arthur or resent all she'd been through and lost to be with him? Nope. Never. Not even a little.

Gwen also risked her life in the finale by accompanying Arthur to the battlefield and that wasn't the first time she fought for Camelot and for Arthur (4.13) despite not being a trained fighter.

All of that was already a lot and she never even learned of Agravaine's attempt on her life in 4.02. Gwen was completely devoted to Arthur and risked everything to be with him and to protect him. Still, the fandom doesn't seem to appreciate all she did because they believe she loved Lancelot more than Arthur, or because Merlin did more for Arthur or whatever.

[nonbinarylowkey]

mechtober 2022 day 28 (family/domestic)

For day 28 of @mechtober2022. I’ve been thinking a lot about Gawain and Mordred’s relationship and how it makes me feel so much I want to tear my face off so this is a scene from when they were kids. This is another one where Mordred is referred to with she/her pronouns and the name Morgause simply because he hasn’t had any gender revelations yet. Mordred is about seven here and Gawain is about thirteen.

Summary: A young Mordred’s preference for peace gets him into some trouble. Gawain is there for him in the aftermath.

------------

Privacy doesn’t exist in a place where the walls are made of fabric and even the leaders have to share their living space.

So when Morgause storms into the tent she shares with the eight other members of her family to find almost everyone sitting down for the evening meal together, there isn’t anything she can do to hide the tears streaming down her face or the deep purpling bruises around her eye. She doesn't even have her dust mask or goggles with her to cover it up. Only Guinevere isn't around and that's because Gwen was the one who pulled the other kid off of Morgause to begin with. She'll catch up soon enough.

“Morg—”Arthur starts.

“No,” she bites out.

She throws herself into her bedroll. It’s too hot for the blankets—it’s always too hot for them—but it’s the only protection she has from the outside world so she pulls them over her head. There’s some shuffling, some whispering. Her own erratic breathing blocks out the sound enough that she can’t make out full sentences. She hopes they’re talking about going somewhere else for awhile; giving her some space. But then Gwen’s voice joins the group and Morgause knows she’s telling them all what happened. They’ll never leave her alone now.

"Oh, peacemaker," she hears from Gawain’s stupid voice, suddenly right next to her bed. "You gotta fight back."

“I don't think that's helpful,” Gareth whispers.

The bedroll shifts with the weight of someone sitting beside her. She turns her back to whoever it is.

“Will you come out, Morgause?” Arthur asks.

“No.”

“At least let us look at your eye.”

“No.”

Arthur puts a hand on her shoulder. He doesn't move the blanket or force her to face him—just lets it rest there. "You know you can talk to me."

Morgause nods, then realizes he can't see her nod when she's hiding like this and says, "I know. I just wanna be alone right now."

"Alright," Arthur sighs, but gets up. More whispering, more shuffling. 

The pillow pressed against her face stings and brings more tears flowing, soaking the fabric, making it that much more uncomfortable. In spite of the pain, she presses in harder. It's better than facing her family.

“Peacemaker,” Gawain tugs at the blanket.

Morgause holds tighter.

“Let me in, peacemaker.”

“Go away, Gawain,” she grits her teeth with the effort of keeping herself covered. But Gawain is older and so much stronger because he fights everyone and Morgause, who doesn’t fight anyone, is being pulled right along with the blanket.

“You’re gonna rip it!” she shouts.

Gawain is unmoved, “Then let me in.”

He gives one last good tug. The blanket doesn’t tear after all, even if it is ripped clean out of her hands and off of her body. He grins down at her. Morgause hates that stupid I’m always right grin of his.

“Hello, peacemaker.”

“Stop calling me that.”

That gives Gawain pause. Stop calling Morgause ‘peacemaker’? They’ve all been calling Morgause ‘peacemaker’ since before Morgause had an actual name and she’s never had a problem with it before.  Most times, she seems proud of it. His grin curdles into a frown. Gawain looks behind him. Arthur, Ygraine, Lancelot, and Guinevere are huddled by the tent entrance. They glance at Morgause a couple of times, but it doesn’t seem like they're listening to what’s going on over here anymore. Agravaine, Ghaeris, and Gareth are listening, but aren’t any help. They just watch him, waiting for him to find an answer to Morgause’s problem. He looks at her again. He hadn’t noticed it when she first came into the tent, but her lip is split and mud is caked into her hair. Anger shoots through Gawain’s heart. 

That’s his sister. That’s Arthur’s daughter. He’s going to find the jerk that did this and—

A shaky sob forcing its way out of Morgause’s throat brings his thoughts back to the tent.

“Scoot over,” Gawain seethes.

Mercifully, Morgause doesn’t argue. She makes room for him on the bed so he climbs in next to her and pulls the blanket over them both. Once they’re shut away from the rest of the tent, Morgause clings to him—clings and cries. 

He hugs her. He doesn’t know what else to do. All he knows is that some jerk said something stupid and Morgause tried to stand up to him with her words and then that asshole stood up with his fists and hurt his sister and he wants to hurt that stupid kid. He thinks about the adults and their stories about killing the bandits who try to raid their camp; he thinks about how Arthur killed the Lady of the Lake years ago so that he could control the water and protect his people. Gawain is only thirteen years old, but he thinks he would kill to protect his people, too.

And Morgause is one of his most important people.

He’s holding her too tightly. His grip leaves no room to move; it leaves very little room to breathe. Morgause can tell he’s angry. She can’t tell if he’s angry at her for not fighting back or if he’s just angry at the one who hit her. Probably, he’s angry about both things. Maybe a little angry that he wasn’t there to hit the kid for her.

Secretly, she also wishes Gawain had been there to fight the kid for her. She doesn't even know the guy's name—he's just the jerk son of a family traveling with them until they reach the next town. It'd serve him right if he got beat up by Gawain.

It'd serve him right if he got beat up by anyone. But no—Morgause is stupid peacemaker. Peacemaker, who lets herself get beat up and is too weak to do anything about it 'cept cry to her older brother. 

She doesn’t like fighting—not doing it, not seeing other people do it. None of this has changed that. But right now, everything hurts. She can’t breathe from crying, her head hurts because of her eye, and she thinks if she tried to eat anything or talk too much her lip would hurt, too. Right now, she hates being peacemaker and wishes she could be something else—anything else. A fighter, like everyone’s always saying she should be. A knight, like in the stories Arthur reads to her before bed. Knights in those stories always seem to get up fine after a fight, even when they lose. No knight she’s ever heard about has to cry under the covers ‘cause some older kid punched ‘em in the face.

But then, fighting in the real world ain’t like fighting in stories. In the real world, even the people who get up after a fight might still get hurt ‘cause of the stupid rust. Morgause remembers a few months back, how a man shot at Arthur. The bullet had only scratched him and Arthur shot the man right back and that man hadn’t been so lucky—Arthur’s bullet hit him straight through the heart. But her dad was stubborn and didn’t make sure to clean the wound properly since it was so small and they’d been away from home so Ygraine couldn’t take care of it, neither. It's just a scratch, Morgause, ain't nothin' to worry about, he’d said and Morgause believed him. 'Cept it was big enough that rust and grime got into it the way it gets into everything on the Station and for the next week he’d been so so sick and she thought—

“Why didn’t you fight back?” Gawain asks.

Morgause shrugs.

Gawain wipes the tears from her face with the sleeve of his shirt. He takes care to gentle himself around the bruised eye. More tears fall to take the old ones’ places, but slower now.

“Why didn’t you come get me?”

She shrugs again. "Gwen was there."

“I don’t understand you, peacemaker.” The nickname is an accident. Force of habit and nothing more. Morgause is hurting enough already, he’s not trying to make it worse.

But she doesn't push him away or bristle at his slip. She just holds him tighter and cries into his chest.

[lonesomedotmp3]

top five morgana apologism moments… alternatively top five merlin anti hero moments

they are both my favourite little war criminals so i'll do both <3

can i just say the entirety of the tears of uther pendragon... she was literally right to do all of that and she looked good doing it... SPECIFICALLY the scene where she just hugged uther and we see the first evil little smirk... slay babygirl!!!

ACTUALLY in part two when she had that whole conversation with merlin and she was like there is no other way... this was always going to happen! she's the dragon! she's the bad guy in this play!!! she's got the script and the casting fits so she'll play her part... ok i'll stop quoting random shit now but literally conversations of all time she should've put that man's head on a spike and burned that whole place to the ground

when she tried to stab uther with the knife arthur gave her. um imagine finding out uther doesn't even have the common morality the basic traditional etiquette he pretends to maintain even as he apathetically genocides a group of people even as he made YOU hate yourself. actually he never respected your father as he told (LIED) to you he never ever will respect you as anything other than a bastard and a mistake. yeah you'd fucking kill him. of course you would.

idk exactly what we're counting as an apologism moment but something that makes ME forgive everything she has ever done ever is when she grabs merlin's wrist frantic and terrified and so so tired and he just. silently brushes her off and walks away. i mean fucking top merlin anti hero moment as well. unbearably fucked up. what's something else violent she could do. she should've gouged his eyes out and left him in the wilderness to starve. yeah

one of the only two good things in the lancelot du lac episode when she revives him but he's only a shade of his former self completely reliant on another and while he'll maintain relationships with the others they don't mean anything because they don't love him they love who he used to be. and he lives only to ruin his reputation forever when he would've been better off to everyone dead and gone. functionally dead, living past his myth, came back wrong, etc. he's only a weapon. and she just looks at him for a long long time knowing exactly what he is and what will happen. yeah 😐

oh this getting so long merlin anti-hero lightning round

getting rid of arthur's free will - i STILL cannot believe he did that

killing the magical being that told him how to save gwen in s5 for like no reason

him being just soooo mean to my buddy mordred :( the shrug. the shrug!! i literally have that gif saved on my phone just to look at sometimes. he's like if a dark gaping void were a boy who was a girl who was more like wet cement. you understand

POISONING MORGANA. WHATEVER I DON'T EVEN CARE 😐😐😐

killing agravaine and all his men and then turning around and constructing the sword in the stone myth for arthur in the same episode. because kings were not meant to drag their hems in this sort of filth. killing myself. ruining the whole story and taking control of the narrative for the worse because you loved not wisely but too well. KILLING MYSELF. that was such a fun agonised jaunt through memory lane thank u beth :)