#original: modern family

[itsagentromanoff]

Steve: We came here thinking our kid was in some sort of a depression, and it turns out he's dating someone. And he's actually pretty sweet and harmless.

Tony: Are you, Wade? Are you harmless?

Wade: Please don't, don't.

Tony: He kissed me.

Peter: You kissed my Dad?!

Steve: You kissed my fella?!

Wade: Dude, I thought I had to or I would lose my job, okay?

Tony: That's not... mnh-mnh.

Wade: That's for real. We were working late. It was just the two of us. He reached over to grab - a spring roll, I guess...

Tony: Yes...

Wade: But he got right in my face, and he whispered, "Mmm, Daddy's hungry."

Steve: [pauses] I have to say, Tony, this one might be on you.

Tony: Like I would abuse my position to take advantage of you and not James from the warehouse?

Steve: Who's James from the warehouse?

[forumjutsu]

Kakashi: Hey!

Sakura: Hey, sensei. What are you doing here?

Kakashi: What do you mean? *shows up a hand-written paper* It's Kakashi-sensei's birthday fun day!

Sasuke:

Sakura: ...Oh!

Naruto: Yeah! We totally know!

Sakura: We are so excited you are finally cashing this in.

Kakashi: Me too!

Sai *wispering*: What's going on?

Sakura: When we were genin we always forgot to get Kakashi-sensei a present for his birthday. So, we came up with this great idea...

Naruto: Coupons for a fun day with the three of us.

Sakura: It was perfect because it was so sweet...

Sasuke: ...and we'd never have to do it.

Kakashi *from the background*: I'm ready for my first big surprise!

[callsign-daydream]

Hangman: You seriously want to race me? I ran a half marathon last year. Rooster: Wow. I’m half scared.

[scottishaccentsareawesome]

Iceman: My mother can't come to our wedding. She was at a yoga retreat, and she fell out of a warrior pose, and she broke her hip.

Maverick: Should we consider the possibility that someone pushed her...?

Iceman: Mav, please. They were a bunch of peace loving hippies who spent two weeks in the rainforest with my mother. Of course someone pushed her!

[incorrectlasthours]

Will, giving advice to James and Lucie: Marry someone who looks sexy while disappointed.

Tessa: *gives Will a disappointed look*

Will: See?

[incorrectstarwarslegendsquotes]

Han Solo: I was able to raise three fully functional kids!

Leia Organa: You have three kids that I don’t know about?

[deafblindshorty]

Don't take this the wrong way, but I have almost no faith in you.

-Hype to Kaz, probably

[incorrectnancydrewquotes]

Katie: Nancy! There is a stranger feeding the orca!

Nancy: Who is he?

Katie: Do you not know what the word “stranger” means?

Nancy: Well, where did he come from?

Katie: I saw him thirty seconds ago; I have as much information as you.

[greghatecrimes]

[ghouljams]

How dare you hurt me like this?!? But also give me the Soap and Moon version and break my heart more

“Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?” You ask him, you don’t have a right to ask him. You haven’t been the warmest towards Soap, but he’s been chasing your skirt the last few weeks. You thought you’d at least get something. Not a text from Goose asking you to swing by. He hadn’t even been downstairs to greet you, too busy getting ready to leave to bother with bothering you.

“I thought you’d be happy to see me gone,” His joke hurts. You should be happy he’s leaving, it’s one less annoyance in your day, but you’re not. You cross your arms over your chest, shrug when you feel your shoulders tighten.

“How long have you-” You don’t know what to say. How long has he known? How long has he had his orders? When did he decide not to tell you? To just leave without a word.

“A week or so,” Soap zips his suitcase closed, and you twist your fingers in your skirt. You stare at the floor, the old wood boards creek under your feet. “They never give us much notice, me and Gaz’ll be-” He waves a hand, “-somewhere, by tomorrow.”

“That’s it?” You ask.

“That’s it.” He sighs. His shoulders hunched, his hands on his suitcase holding himself up. You don’t know why it hurts so badly to hear him say it. That’s it. There’s no more to say. There’s nothing to be done. Your heart clenches in your chest.

“Goose is going to miss you,” I’m going to miss you, you don’t say.

Soap swallows, you don't look at him. “All I’ve ever wanted was to be a soldier, all my life this is- this is it, this is all I’ve wanted to do.” You grip your skirt tighter, you don’t like this conversation. “I’m good at it, it’s where I belong,” He sounds like he’s reminding himself.

“You’re a good horse trainer,” You try. You hate how your voice sounds, bargaining with a man that’s done nothing but make your life more difficult for weeks. He rounds on you, frustration in his voice as he grabs your shoulders.

“Dammit I’m trying to-” He cuts himself off, takes in your wide eyes and the tremble in your lip, and exhales. Soap closes his eyes, leans down to rest his forehead against yours. “I’m trying to make this easy for you,” He admits quietly, “Why do you have to make everything so hard?”

You keep quiet, you don’t know what to say. You don’t know. You just do, you’ve never known how to take the easy route, never been able to just say what you want to say. You’ve never had someone care so much about that before. Your silence speaks volumes. It always does.

He pulls away from you, takes his height back before you can ask him not to. "You probably wouldn't call me if I asked, would you?" Soap says, breaking the silence.

"I might pick up," you mumble, "if you called me."

"Yeah?” He smiles. He’s a familiar warmth, one you’re going to miss. You nod, keep your eyes on the bedroom wall so you don’t have to see the knowing look in his eyes. Soap’s fingers tip your jaw so he can kiss your cheek, turn you to catch the edge of your lips. “You’ve been busy, I didn’t have a moment to tell you. I’m sorry, hen.”

You suppose that’s fair, you’ve been running booze all over the county for the last few days. You’re lucky you saved the ranch for last or you wouldn’t have caught him. Lucky Goose sent you up to get him.

“You better come home in one piece,” You tell him, and he laughs.

“I will. I’ll be quick, you won’t even notice I’m gone.” You will notice, you already notice when he isn't around. He's worked his way into your space so effectively, so quickly, that you don't know how you wouldn't notice the Soap shaped hole he leaves.

You turn to catch his eye, the sadness clouding his usually brilliant blues. His thumb strokes your cheek, unwilling to let you go. You don't try to make him, leaning into the touch just enough for him to know you care. Outside someone honks the truck's horn. You suppose that's it then.

"Bye Johnny," you hope it's not for too long. You can't have his watery smile be your last good look at him.

It seems like Soap can't have that either, because he tips your head back and kisses you. Quick and chaste. You hardly get to enjoy it, the warmth, the soft press of Soap's lips against yours, the scent of his aftershave, before he's pulling back. Its the platonic ideal of a goodbye kiss. The sort of kiss that leaves you wanting more, that makes you wish he wasn't going anywhere.

"I'll see you soon, love." He whispers, and you have to leave before you beg him to stay.

[alecvolturi]

The new Volturi secretary moving into their desk and finding notes from the previous secretary like

[itsagentromanoff]

Clint: Hey Tony, you got any idea how to wrap one of these things?

Tony: Is that a crossbow?

Clint: Yeah. Am I the greatest uncle in the world or what?

Tony: We can’t give Peter a crossbow. He pokes himself in the eye everytime he uses a straw.

[forumjutsu]

Hinata: I know what this is about... Naruto-kun, I told you we had to pay the check sometimes...

Sai: It's fine, he can't pay.

Sakura: Why?

Sasuke: Nothing.

Naruto: Sai, don't you say another word!

Ino: What is going on here? Sai?

Sai: Sasuke and I lost a bet to Naruto, and now we have to pay.

Ino: Oh, well then...

Sakura: Wait. What was the bet about?

Sasuke: Nothing important.

Sakura: Sai?!

Sai: We wanted to find out whose wife would eat more crickets.

Sakura, Hinata and Ino: WHAT?!

Naruto: Sai, you're an idiot!

Sai: They would have figured it out.

Sasuke: How would they have figured it out?!

Sakura: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Sasuke: You're missing the silver lining here, Sakura. I lost the bet.

Sakura: So... I didn't eat crickets?

Sasuke:

Sai: You and Ino ate three each.

Sakura and Ino: Ohh!

Sai: Hinata had six.

Hinata: Six?! You could've won with four!

Naruto: Baby, baby, I couldn't take that chance.

Sakura: I'M GONNA KILL YOU ALL! *breaks the table*

[callsign-daydream]

Maverick: It's good. Hondo keeps us grounded. Hondo: Like fog at an airport.

[scottishaccentsareawesome]

(when they are editing their family photo taken with Ellie)

Peter(frustrated): It's just a family portrait, so go easy on the filters. We don't need sepia tone.

Wade: You know what other TONE we don't need...?

[incorrectlasthours]

Sophie: You’re impossible to buy for, you never want anything!

Gideon, later to Gabriel: Things I want: robot dog, night vision goggles, bug vacuum, GPS watch, speakers that look like rocks-