#over that paralysis

[arielluva]

does anyone have advice for getting into stardew valley because i have tried. multiple times. to get into this game and actually play it because i DO like it!!! i have gotten sucked in a few times, but i never make it too far :( i feel like i just get overwhelmed by everything that you could do and seeing other people be so far ahead in their own saves that i just. idk. feel discouraged? i know the answer to this is probably to just play the game and do whatever because if its my first save it doesn't really matter what happens but still

also i think another part of it is just not knowing everything i should do right off the bat like i would with any other game i enjoy playing like fantasy life but i guess thats a given since i haven't played much of it

most rational thought: "i don't know everything about this game and what to do how am i supposed to play this good... :( at least in fantasy life i know what to do :((" (i have had fantasy life for like 8 years so of course i know what to do)

[novelconcepts]

I Saw the TV Glow is such a uniquely, devastatingly queer story. Two queer kids trapped in suburbia. Both of them sensing something isn’t quite right with their lives. Both of them knowing that wrongness could kill them. One of them getting out, trying on new names, new places, new ways of being. Trying to claw her way to fully understanding herself, trying to grasp the true reality of her existence. Succeeding. Going back to help the other, to try so desperately to rescue an old friend, to show the path forward. Being called crazy. Because, to someone who hasn’t gotten out, even trying seems crazy. Feels crazy. Looks, on the surface, like dying.

And to have that other queer kid be so terrified of the internal revolution that is accepting himself that he inadvertently stays buried. Stays in a situation that will suffocate him. Choke the life out of him. Choke the joy out of him. Have him so terrified of possibly being crazy that he, instead, lives with a repression so extreme, it quite literally is killing him. And still, still, he apologizes for it. Apologizes over and over and over, to people who don’t see him. Who never have. Who never will. Because it’s better than being crazy. Because it’s safer than digging his way out. Killing the image everyone sees to rise again as something free and true and authentic. My god. My god, this movie. It shattered me.

[groovygrub]

[lilianade-comics]

i post only the truth

[shiftersroom]

all i did today was intend to get into sleep paralysis and shift, and i did.

i heard my dr (cicadas, morning birds), i felt my bedsheets and i was there. actually what’s funny is i first heard crickets but i went nah i prefer to wake up in the morning rather than at night, then it switched to cicadas.

i woke up here bc i was thinking about how i should check if i can hear any cicadas in my cr, and if i really am there.

well there are no cicadas where i live whatsoever, so yes i was in my dr. and i wear earplugs so pretty much anything i hear, is bound to be from another reality.

so i proved my theory right that the less you do, the more you achieve. i was able to get into sleep paralysis easily at the start bc i only intended, but then i started trying too hard.

tomorrow i will only intend, then try to smell my dr, as that’s a sense you don’t really get in dreams so i feel it’ll ground me.

[here-comes-the-moose]

I don’t know why, but Crosshair gives me the vibe that if his stomach hurt, he’s making sure EVERYONE on the ship knows.

[whump-galaxy]

The whumpee tries to rest after being saved. Sleep comes easily, but so do nightmares. What the caretaker thought was a cozy cover now becomes an overheating cocoon. They struggle and strain till their nightmares turn to sleep paralysis. No matter how much they try to move, scream, do anything, they’re still suffocating under the blankets. All the while, their brain tries desperately to lull them back to sleep, closing their eyes without permission.

It feels like hours by the time they’ve finally gotten free, but it’s been mere minutes. The caretaker still sits at their side, reading and none the wiser to the whumpee’s perilous “sleep”.

[thepersassiest]

caught in decision paralysis between rereading riordanverse books and rewatching the first two episodes of pjo show so instead I will do neither and aimlessly scroll tumblr

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

hi everyone! i'm chronically indecisive and need some help, please indulge me if you have a moment 🙏

i want to start occasionally posting stuff about my other favourite artists (e.g. qotsa, fontaines dc etc) and i don't know whether to do that here on this blog, or whether to start using a separate blog for it. this space here feels like home and i don't really want to step away from it, but at the same time i'm aware that i did start it as a specifically milex blog and i don't know if it'd be confusing if i started intermittently sharing things about other artists too.

(fyi either way i'm not going ANYWHERE in terms of the milex/am/miles/tlsp fandom 💖 i'll still be posting gifs and flailing in the tags and writing fic and all the things i usually do, i just want to be able to occasionally flail about my other faves too!)

[bleue-flora]

https://www.tumblr.com/bleue-flora/760094246832357377/canonically-i-am-this-plant-in-the-corner-by-the?source=share

Wait where is this picture from i don’t remember seeing this

As you can see… me and @elmhat are lurking in the corners (it’s so dark I lowered the shadows so we can see elmhat) :)

original -> crank up brightness [clip]

original [clip]

and btw these are from Tommy’s and Tubbo’s povs when they go to slit Dream’s throat in his sleep (obviously without the editing of the plants lol ;D)… [Tommy - Tubbo]

[grahamcore]

best part about hannibal nbc is when you finish it and mads mikkelsen appears to you in a dream with a contract for your soul

[nanomooselet]

My Brother's Keeper (V)

This whole memory retrieval/assimilation scene is interesting for a number of reasons (putting aside the continuous wails of agony emitted watching it; I know I discuss it calmly, but that's because I'm a wizard I compartmentalise/modulate my tone in text. Hooray for incomplete degrees).

In the score, this bit is called "The Memory World of Knives" - these are Knives's memories, ones that he can share with Vash for whatever reason. By that token, then, it's how you can figure out which incidents Knives has direct knowledge of and involvement in.

He remembers the blood-soaked room of withered Plants, of course. Doubt he'll ever forget it. Not because of the Last Run, but because it's when Vash turned on him and their confrontation was put on pause - up until now.

Vash fleeing the SEEDs wreckage in ep 1/8 then entering the Plant room in ep 9, Knives withdrawing, then showing up at Jeneora Rock in ep 3, then finally Vash entering Knives's piano room in July at the end of ep 10, and the confrontation/manipulation/awakening/battle over 11 and 12. It's all a single argument/fight split into parts, separated by over a century.

Funny that the only thing Knives seems to truly regret about it is cutting off Vash's arm. Maybe… maybe because it's the one wound even he can't lie to himself about inflicting. I wonder, does he believe it was his one mistake? If he'd found another way, Vash wouldn't have stuck a gun in his face? Which makes him trying to "fix" it being what clues Vash in that he's being lied to some sublime irony. Vash doesn't trust a world where his brother never hurt him.

Anyway, Knives was obviously there in person to destroy Jeneora Rock, so he remembers that. Knives definitely intended Rosa's rejection to happen when he left her alive (interesting that he only uses her voice, not her appearance. This man has a problem with women) and he would have learned about Tonis's injuries from Zazie via the cage of bug-Worms.

Then comes the crashed ships and the vanishing reporters. Roberto and Meryl don't do anything but stand there looking blank, and that's because Knives doesn't have anything to do with them. He doesn't care to learn what they mean to Vash, so he doesn't bother to twist it. He goes for “oh they'd hate you if they knew about what you've done”, and as Vash's shame makes him vulnerable, he rips them out of Vash's head. That's them disposed of and he doesn't think about them again. (More fool him.)

The guilt that Knives planted in Vash is his primary weapon. Remember that it was his guilt that made Vash want to die in the wake of the Fall. Knives is using it to chip away at his will to resist; every time Vash is reminded of it, he reels and his defences weaken.

Similarly, it's why we don't see that much of Rem and nothing of her post-Tesla except her running into the fire. What we do see of her makes her look rather one-dimensionally nice, well-meaning but suspiciously secretive, and Vash food-obsessed, dorky, clingy, insecure and oblivious. Meanwhile Nai is very clever and perceptive and handsome and perfect and amazing with his super cool powers, just like Rem said. But she didn't actually mean anything to him.

It's conspicuous that he also doesn't actually talk at all about poor Tesla and tries to dismiss her significance ("she was but a grain of sand in the desert of their misdeeds" is a banger line, by the way; the English localisation is always excellent but goes off as the series draws to its climax, and it don't stop 'til the credits roll on the finale). These are the rare points you can find honesty in anything Knives says: via what he omits.

You have to keep in mind throughout this entire sequence that besides the geranium petals and Vash cuddling Rem in the fields of geraniums, Knives is in control. This is his world, and these are his memories that he's using to infiltrate and tear Vash's memories apart. It's not objective - there's no context, for one - nor is it complete. Vash's perspective is absent.

It's actually a bit surprising how rarely Vash's voice comes through in the series. From what I can tell it's mostly Knives's perspective that's assumed.

But oh yes, Knives knows all about the Punisher. He built the Eye of Michael, after all, and Dr. Conrad works for him. Rollo crying out to Vash for salvation that he never received probably came from Dr. Conrad, as well as that it was Wolfwood in the end who killed Monev.

And here we are at last. The dreadful cost and hidden purpose I mentioned all the way back in Part I comes due. Wolfwood's purpose, the poison lacing Knives's helpful gift. He's the viral shell carrying Knives's infection. Because Vash opened his heart to Wolfwood as a friend, he also opened it to Knives.

And so, from the inside, Knives begins inexorably to devour his brother alive.

Knives-the-person wearing the Punisher's face to fire Punisher-the-weapon and kill Rollo/Tonis, the child Vash couldn't save, is his most perfectly constructed and vile feat of manipulation below I did it all for you./Everything I did was for you. It has an almost perversely admirable precision.

Silly Vash. Did he think he'd made a friend in the Punisher? Brought out the goodness in him? The Punisher is a monster, a killer, a weapon and what's more, one who was always being wielded by Knives. He betrayed you; he isn't a good man and he'll never change because humanity never learns. Just like Knives told Vash all those years ago. Was it really "Wolfwood" who Vash loved, or was it only the part of him that was shaped by his real brother? (It's the former because Vash clocked him from the start and could tell Wolfwood never wanted to be the Punisher, but even if Knives wasn't gleefully monologuing he'd never hear it. I hate how much he's enjoying this.)

Everywhere you turn, Vash, and no matter far it is you run, I'll be here for you because I love you. (I won't let you get away.)

How foolish you are, little brother, to have your hopes kindled because you "saved" a monster. One only lives if another dies - and a monster would rather die. You should let it happen. It's a necessary sacrifice. It's mercy. Death is a wonderful thing. (Death is a mercy Tesla never received. And perhaps still hasn't.)

You're too weak to give it to them. That's why they'll never love you as I do. You make the false promise that is hope for salvation, and inevitably you fail to fulfil it, and they will always turn upon you in their despair. (I am the only one who will protect you.)

There is a single promise that you can always keep. Your real purpose. The reason you exist. What a weapon is for. Have mercy. I will wield you. You need not continue to suffer. Don't fight. Submit. Give yourself to me. Let go. Unleash your power.

By the way, literally every single one of the things he's using to heap blame on Vash is Knives's fucking fault and he is the worst brother ever of all time forever and ever amen. And a liar. Knives can never forgive humanity, he says, because only he loves Vash enough to protect him from humanity. Even a human's love, he says, is a leash; contingent upon Vash's charm and usefulness and indistinguishable from hatred...

Knives either lives on opposite planet or he's secretly human.

And still. And yet.

I pity him.

(Okay. We're in the home stretch now, guys - and believe me, I deeply appreciate your support - but you might want to brace yourself.)

(Part I)

(Part II)

(Part III)

(Part IV)

(Part VI)

(Part VII)

[mlobsters]

supernatural s2e3 bloodlust (w. sera gamble)

okay, not-benny

[raposabranca]

Hi I'm sorry I disappeared. I'm dealing with A Bit right now and hit a block. The thought of doing art is averse to me at the moment, and I'm struggling because I love art. Trying to find a way out. Love you, thank you for your continued support through the harder and the easier times.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

i napped the entire day away and my dreams included, but were not limited to: big earthquake that, as it was happening, i was like "oh this is a bad one" and my stepdad went "its not that bad" - our house slid down a ravine into water / very vivid evening apocalypse that - after the blast hit and i died - swirled into sleep paralysis that occurred While I Was Dreaming (and i do mean swirled. i got whipped around like an inflatable tube man) / rich people sitcom where everyone was unbearable but i had my dear cat Letti with me / sound-based monster shaped like my mom that i kept from killing me via a funny joke (i didnt even get to finish my microwaved macaroni smh)

[infinitebowlofsoup]

the sound of justice