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bokettochild · 2 years

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Hero's Wake - Part 1/3

This story happened because I wanted to write something for a piece off art, but like anything I work on, I had to justify how everything came about and it ran away from me LOL

(I'll share a link to the art in another installment in order to prevent spoilers)

Summary: A battle in the middle of nowhere leaves the younger heroes grievously injured and a couple near death. It's only been a day since their last big battle and they're nearly out of medical supplies, and with no towns or healers in sight, the boys have to hope that the owners of the small farmhouse Twilight saw when scouting ahead will be kind enough to help them. Turns out, the farmers have a lot more to offer than medical aid; they also have stories and memories of a young hero of courage it seems the Chain hasn't yet encountered.

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It started like anything did, with a day on the road.

It progressed as all ill things did with a battle gone wrong.

Wild had attempted to jump in front of a blow meant for Wind once more only for the sailor to duck out of the way and stumble into the champion instead. Neither had been overly harmed by the incident, although both were irritated, but the noise and their cries had made many a head whip around and miss the weapons aimed at them.

When the monsters cleared, it was with Sky and Warriors on their tails, eyes flaming as the rest of the heroes had scrabbled to pull themselves and each other together. Time’s own injuries were the least serious, the plate armor doing its job and preventing anything worse than heavy bruising and a cut that would more likely than not leave a second scar across the other side of his face (although thankfully missing his eye). Malon will be thankful when he gets home, for that at least, but the old man can’t help but wonder if it’ll even matter.

His boys are so much worse.

When Warriors and Sky return, ichor and blood still dripping from their blades as, in their hurry to join the others and ensure that all are alive, they’ve neglected to even wipe their weapons. It’s touching that Sky would neglect the Master Sword for one of them, and a small, maybe cruel part of him feels just a bit of satisfaction for that.

It’s short lived though. His mind has better things to be doing, like pressing his hands over the gaping wound in their veteran’s chest as he tries to keep the other focused, to keep Wind from panicking where the sailor is trying to help him while Twilight wraps the gash in the smithy’s side and makes his own protégé stay still long enough someone can handle the champion’s headwound. He’s not quite sure where Hyrule is; the traveler is silent and his feet more so as the other does whatever he’s doing. Whatever it is, his first check over the group had assured him that, at the least, Hyrule isn’t dying currently, which is all he really has time to focus on at the moment.

There’s panicked babble from Wind beside him, Sky’s own voice asking questions as he seeks to help, but Warriors is his rock and steady strength as the man pushes him away and takes over, inspecting the wound and immediately covering and bandaging it as best he can, voice ever calm as the captain assures not only Wind, but Time and Legend as well.

“It’s going to be okay. The worst of it is the broken ribs, and with a potion or two this’ll close and be nothing more than a scar.”

Wind’s eyes are watery, but he nods, dashing away tears.

He wants to offer assurance or comfort, but he honestly doubts the sailor would appreciate Legend’s blood being smeared over his clothes, hair or cheeks, so Time keeps his hands to himself and turns his eyes to the field.

Sky is helping Twilight, and while Hyrule is limping, badly so, the traveler isn’t leaking blood anywhere as he moves to tend to Wild’s head and keeps the champion murmuring and mumbling so as to prevent passing out. It’s not the best tactic, but Hyrule’s just a half-fae, he’s no healer. Still, he’s doing his best and his best is a lot more than what the rest of them, save Warriors with his medical training, can offer.

“Someone grab a potion.” Warriors huffs, gathering Legend up as the vet visibly is fighting with his body for consciousness. He’d almost just tell Legend to let go and let himself rest, but the blow the veteran had taken was hardly a kind one and he doesn’t know if Legend might be struggling with a concussion or not as well. Either way, the vet’s eyes are very much open as he stares at the others and their work, as if for lack of anything better to focus on.

Then again, Legend is farsighted, trying to focus on any of them must be a struggle with how close they’re all sitting.

“Potion, now!” Warriors raps, and it snaps Time back to himself.

Maybe he’s dealing with something upstairs too, because his reaction time is never this slow. It can’t be. His boys need him and dallying will waste time, blood and life. His bag doesn’t have a potion though, and when he turns to look to the others their faces are grim as only one more is produced, half-drunk but there. The captain has it in his hands within seconds, Wind the willing carrier, and it’s being pushed to Legend’s lips moments later.

There’s no fighting. The stuff may taste like rotting fruit but Legend doesn’t even complain, just lets the captain ease the liquid into his mouth and down his throat fast enough that the veteran won’t choke, but will get the much-needed potion as quickly as is safe. And it helps, it does. The smaller wounds close and the vet’s breathing eases just a bit, but it’s not enough.

“That was the last one?” It’s both question and statement as he looks across the group of younger heroes.

They nod. “Yeah, the others were used day before yesterday.”

Also a terrible battle, only that one was worse. That one they’d been fighting one of Legend’s lynels and one of Wild’s hinoxes, as well as various smaller monsters. The fact they’re alive today is truly a miracle of some sort, although a short lived one if they can’t get more potions to stop the profuse bleeding of the smithy and veteran.

“Twilight, you went scouting ahead with Four, were there any signs of civilization ahead?”

Warriors shouldn’t be needing to take charge, but in the wake of Time’s slow-moving mind the captain is, and it’s frustrating. His brother is a skilled leader, yes, but these boys are his duty and their care shouldn’t fall on the shoulders of another, no matter how strong and steady Warriors’ might be.

Twilight huffs a heavy breath, shaking his head and gritting his teeth as he ties off the last of the bandages and pulls Four up into his arms. “Just an old farmhouse up the road. There’s nothing else for miles yet.”

“We’ll have to hope the folks in the house will take pity then,” he finds himself saying, pulling himself up to his feet and offering to take Legend from the captain’s hold. He's declined, the man using his scarf to help fashion a sling to carry his brother in. “We won’t make it much further, not without medical supplies.”

And it’s only with great luck they make it that far. While Time wouldn’t say Hylia is smiling on them exactly, he’d dare a guess to say her favor is offering a bit of aid to keep them all breathing long enough to make it up to the farmhouse his pup had spoken of. It’s a lovely place, rather familiar really, although he doesn’t bother trying to place why. He’s got two young heroes in desperate need of care, and while not as serious, six other boys who at the very least could do with some stitching, bandaging and cleaning up.

They must make a sight as they knock at the door, he in the front and Warriors behind with Legend, Sky carrying Four and Twilight supporting his own protégé while Wind does the same for Hyrule. There’s blood on the lot of them and panic in their eyes and the poor woman who opens the door, teary eyed and sniffling, barely has time to blink back in horror or surprise before they’re begging for her help.

“Please, we need help, they’re dying and-”

The door makes to close, bright eyes flashing as the red-head draws back, tears still on her cheeks but hatred in her eyes.

It’s all Time can do to catch the door and push back against it, not entering but still asking for aid. “Please! They’re just kids, they need help!”

And that makes her pause. He knows that knights and armored, blood covered warriors may not be something people are keen on dealing with, but when her eyes trail over his shoulder (she’s taller than him he realizes) she seems to soften at the sight of small figures clutched close or barely standing.

“Wait there.”

He wants to protest that there is no time, his boys’ every breath may be their last, but she doesn’t close the door or even step too far away, just calls into the house.

“Momma!”

And then another woman, one who looks much the same but slimmer, more grey but just as teary eyed, appears and takes only a look at him, at Warriors who’s come to stand beside him, at Wind and Hyrule peeking around with faces tired and eyes pained, and something glimmers to life in tearful eyes.

“Come in, come in.” The older of the two women breathes, voice catching as she all but pulls them into the house. Within instants she’s on their younger members, guiding the group of them through a well-appointed house to a warmly lit living area which seats two more red-headed girls with drawn faces and teary eyes. Both girls jump up at the sight of them, standing and staring as the elder woman, likely their grandmother if he’s guessing right, motions Warriors and Sky to the couch with their burdens while settling Wind and Hyrule in armchairs with soft clucks of the tongue and shakes of the head.

“Malon, fetch my med-kit. Creamia, fetch a few blankets, luv, these gents’ll need some place to sleep tonight and heaven knows I ain’t sendin’ ‘em out in the rain.”

It’s not raining, but he wouldn’t be surprised if it did; Legend was complaining of an ache in his joints and Warriors’ tremor was worse, even Wild had said something about his scars acting up.

Both girls dart to obey orders, eyes sharp but not a word spoken as they head different directions, the taller towards the stairs near the door and the shorter towards a door set in the wall that he doesn’t catch anything through before it swings closed again.

While they run and fetch, his boys settle, soft groans and whimpers sounding as they adjust.

“Ma’am, do you have any-”

“Romani, check the kitchen for red potions, I keep ‘em up in the top cabinet, y’know the one.”

The woman who greeted them at the door nods firmly, darting back the way they came.

There's a clatter and clinking from the other room, but his attention is on his boys. Warriors is sitting with Legend, applying pressure to the still leaking injury in the vet’s chest while Sky does the same for their smithy. Both smaller boys are well passed out by now, be it from pain, lack of blood or worse he doesn’t know. All he knows is that what little good he can do at the moment is help Hyrule’s leg into a splint with the bandages he finds placed in his hands by a girl with a familiar face (although much younger than his own wife) and a stick Wind grabs from the woodpile beside the raging fireplace.

There’s fuss around him. The warm, comfortable tutting sound of a worried farm-wife as injuries are stitched, potions are administered and bandages set. The woman takes no issue with ordering them about, but no one questions her. When she says for him hoist Legend in his arms he obeys, he follows her up the stairs as she carries Four, and he asks no questions as the taller of the two grand-daughters, Creamia (and do they all have such familiar names?) holds open a door at her grandmother’s command and allows them entrance to a child’s bedroom.

There’s no child in the room, but there’s books and toys stacked on shelves. There’s a plush rabbit perched among the pillows and colorful books piled on a side-table. There's art on the walls that, while well made, is not the practiced hand of an adult (or at least, nothing like Wild and Legend’s many sketches). He doesn’t ask if the boy- because he thinks it must be a little boy's room, there’s simply just the feeling to it- will mind giving up his space. There’s something about the room, too clean smelling for a farm child, that tells him there’s no child coming back here at the day’s end save his own.

“Settle them in the bed.” The elder woman orders, and he does so. He slips Legend, now breathing steady but still a bit pale, beneath the covers as Four is laid down at his side. A part of him wonders if he should remove the bunny plush from between them, but he doesn’t have time to try before the woman is catching his arm and guiding him back down the stairs, clucking softly. “Your turn now, my girls’ll have the little ones all tended by now.”

He’s pushed down on the couch, still bloody from its last occupants, and he goes. He has no clue why he goes, but maybe it's because he’s well accustomed to having a redheaded woman order him about when injured and Malon has trained him to simply comply until his hurts are treated. It’s a good thing she did, because this other woman seems to appreciate his compliance.

“Concussed.” She tells him, after flickering fingers and candles in front of his eyes and staring at him near uncomfortably long. “A potion can help, but lettin’ your eyes and brain rest some is best. No sleepin’ though, not ‘till I’m sure your stable.”

He nods. “I can’t anyways. My boys-”

“Will live.” Her smile is wry, the tears now gone from her eyes in the wake of the bustle and fuss. “They’ll rest easy in my baby’s bed,” and there’s the hint of sadness again in indigo eyes as they glance towards the stairs, “heaven knows he always did.”

“Their injuries-”

“Aren’t the worst I’ve seen. Scarrin’ is inevitable, but ain’t nothing that won’t heal with time. As for the rest,” she turns, and he follows her gaze to the other three women, who’ve since moved back to give his boys their space and now stand watching their elder, “Romani, what’s the state a’ things?”

“A broken leg for the fae child, momma,” the eldest of the three reports, startling all of the heroes considerably but never reacting to their eyes turning to her. “Various gashes on the two knights, some deep, but nothin’ a potion didn’t fix. The blonde teen’s concussed too, a bit badly, but he should recover. The wolf one got a bit mangled, but again, nothin’ as wasn’t fixed with a sip a’ red.”

The matriarch nods, firm and sturdy, shoulders releasing a bit. “Good.” And then she turns to his boys with a small half smile that’s so like Malon’s own when tired it makes him stare. Are all these women so close in looks to his wife? “You gent’s can rest up here. My husband's gone up to bed already, but I doubt he’ll take issue with aiding a few young‘uns an’ their papas as got themselves all messed up fightin’ a drove of ‘blins.”

They didn’t even tell her. They never once mentioned what happened to them, but her eyes glitter with knowledge he daren’t question, not when it’s been used to their aid. Granted, he’s suspicious, quite a bit so, but this woman and her daughters have done nothing to prove themselves of ill intent, and had they wanted to cause harm all they would have had to do was close the door and lock the heroes into a fate that would have left them short their two shortest.

So, he doesn’t ask how she knows, he doesn’t do anything more than sit still when he’s told to, Wild settling at his side on the worn couch and the four women bustling about as they make the others all comfortable. Hyrule’s offered a lift up the stairs, and although he moves to reject the offer, he immediately falls silent at a look from the eldest of the four. As a result, it’s not long before Wind has followed the one called Romani up the stairs, Hyrule in her arms, likely to be tucked up in another bed where hurts can heal and peaceful sleep can be found.

That leaves five of them on the ground floor, but Twilight, Warriors and Sky seem entirely unphased with the thought of sleeping on the floor this evening. They don’t have to of course, with chairs abandoned they’re quickly pushed into them. He knows for a fact that the captain and Sky can both drift off sitting up, and have, with only minimal back or neck problems come the dawn, depending of course on what they’re leaned against. Comfy armchairs with excellent support will be no issue for the two, and already Sky’s eyes are looking heavy as he sinks down in relief.

Twilight neglects the seats, instead settling close to Time himself and their cub, gaze wandering and wary as it trails over them, searching for signs of worsening or hurts that haven’t been tended. The rancher has nothing to do though, not with the matriarch of the house fussing about the cut on his mentor’s cheek and Wild already tended as far as he can be.

Still, the pup still settles close, nearly on Time’s feet, gaze flickering over the rest of the room and ears flicking about.

“Calm.” The eldest woman, the only un-named one as yet, scolds, tweaking the rancher’s ear gently and in a familiar manner that he supposes to mean her own children have met the same fate. Twilight looks more startled than offended, but considering how Ordon treats the pup he wouldn’t be surprised if any kindly farm-wife could get away with correcting the lad without question or comment. “Knights or not, there’s nothing harming y’all here. Lon Lon’s walls are the safest in all Hyrule.”

“Yeah, far better than the castle I’ll reckon,” the youngest (he can’t think of her as Malon) scoffs slightly.

Warriors straightens in his seat, not daring to move as a look is shot his way by the farm-wife. “We’re where?”

He only realizes that the familiar name has been uttered when Warriors points it out. “Lon Lon Ranch,” the woman repeats, finally drawing back and giving him space, eyes critical as they sweep over him. “Best you shed that armor, hun. Poor darlin’ is bound to hurt himself leaning on all that.”

A motion to Wild, leaning on his shoulder with a dazed expression, helps convince him. He has to remind himself that these woman won’t cause harm, not after providing aid, but it doesn’t stop him fumbling the buckles and belts of his gear, and Twilight has to sit up and help him with them. He only realizes then that his hands are shaking a bit.

No one comments on it.

“I’m Mirta Lon, s’pose I outta say that afore I send y’all off to rest. My husband, he’s gone up already but he’ll be down early in the morning, his name’s Hanson. Those there are my grand-babbies, Creamia and Malon, and their momma, my daughter, will be the one who was bringin’ the chilluns up to bed.” Thin hands with long and nimble fingers (something like their vet’s really) settle on slight hips as indigo eyes glide over them all again, expectant.

“I’m Twilight,” his pup answers in kind, recognizing whatever cue he’s missed in his haze and proceeding to do the honors of their group. “That there is Warriors and Sky, and these two here are Wild and Time.”

Three faces, all painfully familiar and shockingly similar (although there are differences they are slight) adopt the same expression, brows raised and eyes narrowing slightly. Mirta (Miss Mirta?) at least has some grace with her hesitation though, looking regal rather than just suspicious.

“They’re nicknames,” he explains, although they’ve never done so before and he has no clue why he’s doing so now.

“Ah.” And she nods like that explains all. “Right then. Time, Wild, you two need to keep awake some until you’re stable. Girls,” she turns, smiling softly at her grand-daughters, “best you two head on up to bed.”

Glances are exchanged between the two, both talking in little ways like he’s seen his boys do, done with Twilight and Legend, Warriors and Wild, sometimes even Wind. It’s the Malon look-alike who speaks, a frown on her face. “Granny, ain’t our room full?”

“No. Why’d you think that? I wouldn’t give up your room and make you sleep on the cold floor, you know that, sugar.”

Another glance, another frown, something flickering in brown and green as the girls glance at each other and then their grandmother. “But then what room are those boys sleepin’ in? There’s only four in the house an’-”

Miss Mirta shifts, not uncomfortably, but in that way that says she recognizes she’s about to say or do something that her children won’t care for. He doesn’t know the woman, but he knows the mannerism, he’s displayed it enough times himself after all. ”I set them in Link’s room.”

He doesn’t need to look to know all his boys are perking up, even Wild at his shoulder.

“The poor darling hardly needs it anymore.”

And down duck heads as sadness clouds multiple shades of blue eyes. A Link usually means a hero, but it would seem the one of this world is already fallen. Bitterness bites at his throat and stomach, pinching his heart as he thinks to the room being discussed, one furnished for a young child, with books and drawings and toys and things suited for someone Wind’s age or younger.

He feels sick.

“But Gramma! It’s-”

A thin hand is raised, the motion not dissimilar to how Warriors or Legend will cut someone off on their better days when they feel like being mature. “Malon, were Link alive he’d tell us to use the room. These boy’s ain’t much older than he was after all an’ after heaven knows how long on a road, they’ll need it.”

“But it’s Link’s room.” Cremia murmurs, and there’s a hint of tears in big green eyes.

She looks her name. It’s startling to realize it, having not gotten a good glance in the bustle, but he can almost imagine himself some thirty years younger and staring up into that face as soft words are spoken of a falling moon and an envied beverage to be granted as a final promise.

“It’s...”

“Were Link alive and needin’ a room, would you want someone to deny him jist cuz it used to belong to the lost? These boys have homes somewhere too, families who’ll be wanting someun’ to look after them. It’s only right we do our best by them as others did for our boy.” It’s said firmly, but it’s not hard to notice that her eyes glitter a bit with unshed tears. Said tears are wiped quickly, and he can’t help but note that the handkerchief used is already quite damp. “Apologies, y’all. Our family’s been having a night of it.”

“Are you alright?” Warriors is moving to stand again, even despite the looks sent his way.

Miss Mirta just smiles, bittersweet and pained. “Just an’ anniversary, hun. Link’s been known dead three years today. ‘s why Romani almost turned you away at the door. Was bad enough losin’ him, but them knight types like showing up ‘round and about and take no care whatsoever for folks who’s mourning, ‘specially when it’s half their fault.”

The captain nods, but he doesn’t look pained. Warriors may be a knight, but he doesn’t esteem ‘knight types’ any more that Twilight or Legend. Time doesn’t blame him, having fought at the man’s side he’s seen what Hyrule’s knights will be like in his future, and it seems a constant that the worlds after him feature guardians worse and worse, only Wild truly knowing a Hyrule after his own whose soldiers devote themselves to the people and not just the throne.

“Well then,” the matriarch sighs, breathing a soft huff and offering a worn smile. “Best let you gent’s rest up. Third step from the top creaks if you plan on checkin’ the young ‘uns, and either Romani or I will check in on y’all to tend those concussions every few hours.”

The one called Malon stares, her grandmother the object of her attention, and then moments later she’s slipping out of the room. It’s a near silent exit, but it feels like thunder. Her older sister is softer, still pained and hurt, but she offers a weak half smile of her own. “Waters in the kitchen should you need it, and there’s soup and bread left over from dinner if you’re feeling peckish.” And with those words, the older girl likewise slips away, only in the other direction.

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dxfiedfxte · 8 months

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Pretty sure it was moved to the beta editor But Tumblr doesn't seem to think it was, so...

Thread move/continuation from: this post || @hxpelessnurse ||

🩹 - Mikan

Mikan felt a sigh of relief leave her as he told her not to apologize. “Most of m-my friends are single still too,” She added. “I definitely th-think M-Mioda could use someone to… calm her down a little.” The rocker was a rather wild one, and considering her rise to fame in the underground idol world, she was quite popular with both men and women alike. Still, Ibuki seemed far too distracted with causing chaos and making music to settle down. Mahiru and Hiyoko were on their own. They seemed quite happy together and Mikan had no intentions of breaking that apart. And as for her other friends? They were all off doing other things or working in the hospitals alongside her. She could probably gather a handful of friends who would be interested in a mixer party. But she’d think about that later. Mikan listened to him talk, her eyes lighting up as he explained he’d visited Seoul before. “L-Lucky! I’ve only been wh-when I was really little,” she replied. “I b-barely remember my trip with my g-grandmother.”

“I g-guess… people with older ideologies tend to shun those who d-don’t quite fit the molds that they think s-society should have… I’m n-not upset over it. I’ve lived my whole life with p-people telling m-me I’m not fully Japanese. It doesn’t offend me like people think it should.” There were far worse things she could get upset over. He was right about people coming from different backgrounds being more interesting though. She always found patients who came from other places to have the best stories to tell. “Really? I would have n-never guessed!” She exclaimed, taking a sip of her drink. “I know how you feel. K-Kids can be really cruel for no reason. But I don’t b-blame them. They don’t know any better.” Mikan leaned back in her seat, a genuine sense of connection forming between them. Part of her wanted to ask him home with her - a bad habit she had desperately tried to rid when she was younger - but she wanted to take this a little slower than her past relationships. Minato seemed too good to be true and she wasn’t about to let it go sour so early on. “Eh… so… I know this is b-being a little forward. But I f-figured since I’d already mentioned it before… I’d really like to do this again w-with you.”

[{ 🦋 }] - "Sounds like this Mioda friend of yours has a lot of energy, A little too much. Kind of reminds me of my best friend Junpei, that guy can always bring the hype, and make any moment more vibrant with his energy."

A soft chuckle as he thinks of a few times his best buddy did what he does best, be the same outgoing dude he was known for being. There was never a dull moment with his best friend Junpei Iori around. If his buddy agreed to come, he would more than likely just come for the party to meet new friends, as Junpei was in a relationship with Chidori Yoshino, and he honestly couldn't be any happier for those two.

For some reason, Minato felt like that name sounded very familiar, he didn't know anyone with that name personally, but he could have sworn he heard it somewhere before, he just couldn't remember. Either way, this person sounded a bit overly energetic, It made him curious about her other friends she has, especially since this Mioda character sounded very happy-go-lucky, and that wasn't a bad thing either.

When they further spoke about Korean food, Minato brought up his most recent visit to Seoul, a travel experience that he thoroughly enjoyed, not just for the wonderful food, but also because of the location he was investigating at the time, good food, and constant communication with spirits was a perfect recipe for a very good trip if he ever went to Seoul again, he would definitely have to invite Mikan to join him, especially if she hadn't been there for a long time, and besides, not only did he enjoy her company, it would also be a very nice switch since he had been there only with his coworkers, it would be especially enjoyable with Mikan Tsumiki right by his side.

[{ 🦋 }] - "Really? Hmm, in that case, the next time I go to Seoul, maybe can come along? I'd be happy to have you with me on that trip."

Hearing her state something so boldly that she lived her life being cast aside due to the slight difference, it kind of amazed him. On the outside, Mikan appeared so weak and frail, but never did he think that she would be so strong after living through that for such a long time.

[{ 🦋 }] - "Yeah, I think so too. But, wow... you're much stronger than I thought, I am very glad.. I admire that about you Mikan."

A soft chuckle after Minato revealed his other ethnic origin, something that was often hard to believe when it came to it, Thankfully, just like he thought, she understood how it felt too.

[{ 🦋 }] - "Yeah, it's hard to tell sometimes, and people these days can definitely be that way. Some kids can definitely be cruel, but they'll learn eventually."

Minato was a little surprised when she asked for a second date, he honestly didn't think it would happen, so evidently, but he wasn't complaining this time it didn't take him long to have an answer, because he also wanted to have another date with her, so he smiles.

[{ 🦋 }] - "You're not being too forward, in fact, I would be more than happy to go on a second date with you Mikan, I'm really enjoying this time we're spending together, and I'm looking forward to more." He says with a smile.

#I ᴛᴇʟʟ ʜᴇʀ ᴀʟʟ ��ʜᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ - Sʜᴇ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ ᴀʟʟ ᴍɪɴᴇ - Mʏ Lɪᴛᴛʟᴇ Wᴀʟʟғʟᴏᴡᴇʀ - (Mɪɴᴀᴛᴏ x Mɪᴋᴀɴ )#ᴠ; Oᴘᴇʀᴀᴛɪᴠᴇs & Tʜɪᴇᴠᴇs (Pᴇʀsᴏɴᴀ 5)#//I don't know why Tumblr keeps saying #//That the thread was used on legacy editor when it never was >_>

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marley-manson · 1 year

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I have been inhaling all of your wip excerpts, they're all SO GOOD. I've already said this but you are such an excellent writer, everything that you put down is a joy to read.

Annnyway, I honestly can't keep track of the ones that haven't been asked for yet, so sorry if you've already done these, but Heat, and/or Rust.

Thank youuuuu that's so kind 😭 I'm glad you've been enjoying them! And right back at you, your writing is always so good that it's a joy to read even when I don't know the fandoms.

I posted about Rust here actually, but I'll throw out another excerpt:

The brand stung. It always fucking stung, but it got worse as the sun set and the spirits made themselves known.

For the first month or so since she’d left Godo and Erika she’d tended to rub and scratch that spot just above her breast, like it was an insect bite. Eventually she’d managed to will herself to stop, since it just made it hurt that little bit more.

The sun was red on the horizon and the shadows tangled in tree roots were growing deeper and more malevolent. She drew her sword as she walked, knowing that the early risers would be up soon.

The Skull Knight had told them that they didn’t live in the real world anymore. She and Guts had a foot outside of it, thanks to their brands, and if the world was a river and ordinary people pebbles below the surface, they were fish which could taste the air.

She supposed that made the spirits and monsters the hungry bears and fishermen.

Guts would be a shark, at least, or a whale. She was more like a pike. Nothing had got her yet, but she didn’t go looking for trouble either. She just swam, teeth bared.

Most nights the spirits could be dealt with as she walked, only occasionally cutting down the few that came for her. She didn’t dare risk sleeping with the sun down, but she could usually make good time and keep her pace brisk. But then there were nights when the moon was new, or when the area had been the sight of a battle, or another form of torment, and those were the busy nights.

Corpses would rise from grassy graves and animals would glare at her with wild, human eyes, attracted like moths to a flame.

She’d hoped that this forest wouldn’t be too bad - the trees weren’t overly dense and tended towards leafy and bright rather than needly and crowded - but she could already tell by the pain over her heart that it would be harder to traverse than the fields.

Bright glowing eyes blinked into her periphery near her feet and she instantly plunged her sword down into the bed of rotting leaves between them. With a faint hiss, like a drop of water on a candle flame, the twin points of light went out.

Another hint of a face in the darkness appeared just above eye level, on a branch. She caught it with the sharpened hilt of her sword as she drew it back up.

It was going to be a long night.

***

Heat, which I'd change the name of if I ever finished it so as not to be confused with that one popular longfic lol, is Guts/Serpico hooking up in Elfhelm after Casca gets her mind back but is too traumatized to be anywhere near him. It's non canonical now I guess unless I change some stuff and set it during the moonbaby montage lol. I actually posted a little excerpt from it a while ago, Guts remembering an afternoon of Griffith teaching him to dance. So that's the context for the final lines lol.

Serpico glanced at the sword he’d been swinging a few minutes earlier. “Getting bored here?”

Was he? Was the sensation of being trapped here, on this peaceful island, when there were things he could be doing out there, out in the world where Griffith was, was it just boredom?

He shrugged again. “Maybe.”

And Serpico smiled. Despite the calm air, his grey cloak billowed around him as though blown by a stiff breeze, revealing the feathered weapon at his side. Guts couldn't think of it as a sword, even though it was similar in shape.

Serpico drew it from its sheath, and flicked it. His cloak settled down.

A little showy, Guts thought, and raised an eyebrow. “Here?” he asked, though he had no intention of refusing the clear invitation.

“Why not? I've been looking forward to a rematch for a while now.”

There was a look in his eyes that got Guts’ blood pumping eagerly at the prospect of action. A grin began to tug at the corners of his mouth. “Thought you preferred to scout the terrain first. Make sure I can’t swing my sword or do anything else useful.”

“I have range on my side now.” Serpico's eyes rolled upwards. “And the trees. Game, or not?”

He could just imagine Serpico striding along the branches, watching for an opportunity to strike. He rolled his shoulders, feeling the tension in them like a coiled snake waiting to spring.

“Yeah, all right,” he said, and drew his sword.

It was fun. Fighting Serpico got his blood pumping and his heart pounding - a welcome feeling after the weeks here, sedate on one piece of peaceful land.

Serpico did utilize the trees. He leapt up to them like a grasshopper and dove down again like a - a kite. Guts was more constrained, limited by gravity and the slow swing of his huge sword. He was on the defensive, but hell, he was used to being on the defensive.

He dodged, swung when Serpico lit onto the mossy ground and when he sent those cutting blasts of wind at him, easily neutralized by the force of iron displacing the air around him. Serpico remained out of reach, eyes as sharp and as focused as his weapon.

After a minute or two of bloodless dueling he swung straight out in front of him to counter a breeze from Serpico’s weapon, and the cunning bastard leaped down from a branch to take advantage of his lowered sword. For a moment that sent him years back in time, Guts was certain he'd land on its dull edge. In his distraction, Serpico landed on the ground and flicked his feather duster precisely. Like an icy gust of wind he felt the air slice his cheek - exactly where Serpico had caught him once before.

Knowing how easily he could've had his throat cut instead, Guts smirked and licked the tickling drop of blood heading towards the corner of his mouth, mimicking their first real encounter. “Lucky hit,” he said.

They exchanged a few more swings but now Guts’ head was solidly in the past again. How was it he could so clearly remember the exact look on Griffith’s face when he’d opened his mouth and bit his sword? He’d relished the shock in his eyes like he’d relished the taste of blood on his tongue. Even back then, when he’d thought he hated him, he’d drunk him in.

He dodged another strike, like lightning from above, and nearly caught him in the instant between landing on the grass and leaping away again. His sword moved a hair too slow. It was just as well; Serpico’s real advantage was that he could land non-lethal blows relatively easily, while even if Guts aimed to disarm he’d probably still end up taking Serpico’s whole hand off along with his feather duster.

But then, it had always been that way. He’d traded finesse for power ever since he’d first learned to fight with a sword bigger than he was. Even during that first duel with Griffith he couldn’t get out of his mind - Griffith had been trying to disable, and Guts had been trying to kill. Griffith had been risking his life for him from the very start. Fuck.

He got a little satisfaction when he swung his sword overhead as Serpico fluttered across the lowest boughs of the trees and managed to snap the branch he was leaping to before he landed. Both man and branch came crashing down in an undignified heap, and Guts would’ve secured his victory right then, but just as he smugly lowered the point of his sword down to rest on Serpico’s chest and keep him pinned he rolled out of the way and rose back to his feet in one fluid motion. A quick slice of air caught Guts on his shoulder, deep enough to sting. He might actually lose, the way this was going.

And that just brought back the memory of his last loss, as Griffith had ground his shoulder out of place to relieved, victorious cheers. When Griffith had grabbed Guts afterwards, kneeling down and taking his face in his hands, he’d thought for a second that Griffith was going to kiss him. God, he would’ve let him. He knew he would’ve, even then, knowing nothing about him, even when his skin crawled whenever anyone else touched him.

He had to end this fight before he really did lose.

Guts swung his sword so fast that Serpico's blond hair fluttered from the force of it as he narrowly ducked, dipping his head to avoid the blade with an inch to spare. Then, before he could leap away, Guts followed through with his swing, stepping into the turn and catching Serpico's sword arm with his metal fist.

He hit hard enough to shock Serpico into gasping with pain but he managed to maintain his grip on his weapon. So Guts dropped his own sword before Serpico had a chance to dance away and grabbed him with his real hand, squeezing his wrist in just the right way to force his fist to open.

He moved his metal arm to press between Serpico's shoulder blades, an extra force keeping him from pulling away, as Serpico lost his grip on the hilt of his weapon and let it fall to the ground. They were both breathing heavily.

Serpico looked up at him, cheeks pink from exertion and eyes lidded, reddening sun making his hair nearly glow, and for a moment it was just like that time, that afternoon with Griffith in his arms. He could still hear the music drifting faintly up from the grassy clearing below them. He didn't pull Serpico into a waltz. Worse - he bent down and kissed him.

#lol honestly i think the big problem with the 2nd fic is that there's too much pointless introspective build up #i could probably cut half of it and it'd be better #and mb combine it with that guts+serp boat conversation actually - streamline things...#ask meme #marley on berserk #text post #got a few more of these today and i finally have a chance to sit down and answer them

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literaphobe · 2 years

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i think george and sap instinctually look to dream to be a leader and the one with a plan in competitive settings, and equally are good at balancing him out in these same settings when he’s in over his head or is getting too down. specifically in competitive settings i would say dteam as a trio Works so well because dream is a good leader, sapnap is willing to call him out and get him to back down when he thinks his plan is stupid or overly reckless, and george is good at keeping morale up by keeping everyone (especially dream) from getting too in their head and obsessing over stuff and is able to quickly adjust to changes of plans. when you take one aspect of the trio out, it’s where each individual duo of the dteam starts “lacking” in things that work well as a trio. like dnf for example, george is good at keeping dream in good spirits and calming him down when he starts getting really in his head, but their downfall is trusting each other too much to the point that communication being based on Trust Only rather than words can start to get mangled, and george is less likely than sapnap to call dream out on when a plan for a game is bad or reckless and stop him from doing it. dream and sap are good because sapnap with dream isn’t afraid to call him out and be a co-leader at times when he deems it necessary in terms of like strategy, but dream still tends to get in his head bc sapnap at times will start to get in his own head too when things start going poorly. and then george and sap is that neither of them are really used to filling a strong, full-time leader position. dream has taught them learned helplessness /hj. i think yellow yaks last mcc (i watched george’s pov live) they were actually pretty good at each taking control when they felt it necessary. but there are times when Neither of them really steps up and takes control of a situation and things start to fall apart when they need a leader. or they’ll start to bicker a little about strategy. but spirits are always high at least! because george really has the light in the room effect on every team he’s on, even if we see that morale boost working the most on dream. sooo yeah i think i got my thoughts out which are dteam truly works best as a trio which they obviously aren’t getting in any canon mccs so when you take away pieces of the dteam puzzle you’re taking away key aspects of what makes them work best as a well-oiled machine and making them a. slightly clunkier machine that may or may not function. and that can function better or worse in different competitive settings based on which duo it is.

interesting… imo dteam as a trio works best because they are 3 REALLY good players on a team together, but imo in terms of all 3 of them sometimes there are issues that crop up, such as dream and sapnap collectively expecting george to concede resources and weapons to stack them up, whereas george would be treated more as a right hand man in duo situations, and imo i don’t think george especially enjoys having to do that, and there’s also this collectively cocky effect that can happen where they get too in over their heads thinking they’re extremely op together but that hasn’t bitten them that much in the ass. HOWEVER i will say that dteam in general boosts dream better than. lets say dnf or dreamnap alone. and imo its bc he gets two right hand men and it gives him a lot of confidence and assurance which he pops off on. when dream has too many teammates to ‘worry’ about it fills his head and throws him off but knowing you will be okay makes him more okay. does that make sense

#ask

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smartrelationshiptips · 5 months

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Virgos And Breakups: How to Survive a Virgo Breakup

Do you know the details about Virgos and Breakups? If you don’t know, this article will help you. A recent study suggests that Virgos are the most likely sign of breaking up with their significant other. With a population of 1 in every 50 people, there’s bound to be at least one Virgo in your life. Learn how to deal with this personality type, so you’re less likely to get dumped

It would be best to never make promises without following through because this could lead the relationship down a path where trust has been broken before it started.

Keep in mind that they also hate anything too clingy or overbearing, so if you’re overly desperate to be with them or constantly running after them, they’ll feel suffocated and trapped.

Virgos And Breakups

Breakups are a part of life and can be difficult to navigate. They often leave you feeling sad, jealous or even angry. It is important to take care of yourself during this time, and it’s not always easy, but there are things that you can do to get through the process. I’m going to share some advice on how we Virgos can survive breakups in an effortless fashion

Some tips for surviving a breakup as a Virgo:

Do your best not to let anyone see how upset you are (especially if they’re someone who might want something from you). This will help avoid any further complications because people tend toward being kind when they think someone else is suffering, so try to maintain an air of calmness.

Don’t pout. It’s not cute, and it only makes you appear childish. There are much better ways to get through a bad breakup than hiding out in the corner sulking.

Listen to music, read a book or do something that will distract you from your heartache (but don’t overdo it). I recommend using a hot bath with some Epsom salts to relax.

Remember why you broke up in the first place. Was it fixable?

If so, go back to step 1! But if you don’t think there’s anything you can do to make things better, keeping the relationship going is only making it worse for you.

Don’t look for revenge. This is a childish thing to do, and it will only worsen (unless you find something out that the other person did, which would justify your actions).

Take care of yourself. Eat healthy, exercise and stay as positive as possible (this can be hard, I know).

When someone ends a relationship with you, it can be very difficult to get over the relationship. But if you can remember those things that made your relationship less than desirable in the first place, it will make it easier for you to start making better choices with who you decide to date next.

If a relationship has caused more bad feelings than good and is no longer going anywhere, you probably should let it go. You’ll find that many other people will appreciate you for the person you are.

In every relationship, something is gained, and something is lost (sometimes both). You might have lost a great deal emotionally, but if you keep this in mind while searching for your next mate, chances are things will end up better the next time.

Breakups and Virgos: The Vexed Relationship

There are many reasons that relationships will end. It’s often hard to tell why they happen, and sometimes it’s impossible to find out. When one of your relationships ends, it is best not to dwell on the whys but instead focus on how you can change things in your next relationship so that this doesn’t happen again.

One of the biggest issues for Virgos when it comes to relationships is the idea of letting someone else in. This is a difficult thing for us and one that we need to work on. Not only do we have issues letting others in, but there are times that we are just as uncomfortable with ourselves and who we are.

When you fully understand that you don’t always have to be in control, you can let others into your life more. It’s not easy being a Virgo and being in a relationship. We often feel like it will never work out or that we are just setting ourselves up for disappointment (which is why it is important to open ourselves up when falling in love with someone slowly).

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Once you allow yourself to fall in love, you are letting someone else in on your vulnerabilities. You’re making yourself emotionally vulnerable, and a part of us feel like we will be hurt if they find out something about us that we don’t want them to know.

We might feel like they’ll lose respect for us or that we will lose their trust. We don’t let ourselves get close to others because of this fear, and the people we do allow in on our inner selves are the ones who have earned that spot. If you find yourself being overly critical with your friends, family or other love interests, then it might be a good idea to step back from them for a little.

Also Read:

Things You Need to Know to Win The Heart Of A Virgo Man Virgo Woman After a Breakup: Best Virgo Woman’s Guide How To Know When A Virgo Man Is Done With You

10 Quotes That Perfectly Sum Up a Virgo and Breakups

“It is never too late to be what you might have been.”

― George Eliot, Adam Bede

Just because you are going through a breakup doesn’t mean that your life is over, and it’s time to give in. Once you realize that breaking up with someone can be a positive thing, it will make things easier for you to get through the pain.

When you find that your life has become consumed with how and why the relationship ended, it’s time to take a step back and realize that things could worsen. If you’re able to get through the pain of losing love, you’ll know that it won’t be so hard for other relationships in the future.

“If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.”

― Albert Einstein, The Quotable Einstein

No matter what happens between two people in a relationship, there are always going to be feelings involved. You’ll end up wondering how you can move on from the relationship but at the same time continue to feel a connection with your ex.

It’s best not to let yourself get too emotionally involved, especially if it is in part because they have moved on so easily and quickly.

“Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.”

― John F. Kennedy

It’s easier said than done, but when it comes to forgiveness, the best thing you can do is let go and move on. This doesn’t mean that you’ll be able to forget what happened or wipe your memory clean of both parties involved in the relationship.

“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It is realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”

― Jason Mraz, yes!

No matter how hard it might be to say goodbye, letting go of your feelings can open up a whole new world for you. You’ll be able to start fresh and give yourself a chance to meet someone new.

“I don’t want anyone else’s has-beens; I want myself.”

― Carrie Fisher, Shockaholic

When you let go of the baggage brought in relationships and your past experiences, it will open up your mind to a whole new life. You’ll be able to start fresh, and this is the time when you can become more involved in yourself and what makes you happy.

“I’m just not any good at relationships. I’m too selfish.”

― Tom Hiddleston

No matter how many times you’ve failed at a relationship in the past, it doesn’t mean that you’ll never be able to find someone worth your time. You must have characteristics that other people strive for, and if you let yourself believe what everyone else is telling you, you will never know what’s right in front of your eyes.

Just because you cannot hold on to a relationship is not the fault of you being too selfish. Many things go into creating a perfect relationship, and with time you’ll be able to find what works for your needs. Don’t let one failure bring down all of your hopes in finding someone else who makes you happy.

“It’s not supposed to be easy. If it were easy, everyone would do it.”

― Lionel Richie

Just because you have found someone who can make your life complete and they are everything you’ve ever wanted doesn’t mean that things will go smoothly from the start. There may be times where everything goes wrong, and you’ll find yourself on the verge of giving up. Do not let one setback or dispute break your spirit.

“Never do anything against conscience even if the state demands it.”

― Albert Einstein

There may be more than one situation present in your love life, and you’ll find yourself confused about what is right and wrong. You have to keep your own beliefs intact before you allow the opinions of others to cloud the outlook of your future. No matter how much someone else tries to sway you from your feelings, your mind decides what path you want to take.

“We can’t change the cards we’re dealt, just how we play the hand.”

― Randy Pausch

Because of all of your past experiences and failures in love, you may have become tired of any new opportunity that comes your way. You can’t blame yourself for anything that happens in the past, so don’t let it keep you from experiencing a deeper relationship with someone who cares about you.

“It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

― St. Augustine

No matter how much you’ve invested your time and emotions into a past relationship, it is impossible to feel regret or pain from something that didn’t work out in the end. You should be happy for the experiences you had with someone else, even if there was an instance where they hurt your feelings.

Stern Virgos and Breakups: How to Handle a Partner Who Leaves You for Someone Else

If you are currently going through a breakup with a Virgo, you may feel as though the relationship isn’t over. It is more likely that your ex wants to stay friends with you and eventually reconnect when the timing is right.

Your ex probably feels as though if they stay friends with you, then there is a chance things can be salvaged in the future. Although this should not be your ultimate concern in life, it is worth keeping in mind that you can always try again once your ex has healed from the breakup.

If you want to know how to deal with a partner who breaks up with you but then tries to maintain contact, there are a few things that could help you move on with the rest of your life.

How to Get a Virgo Back: 6 Steps to Getting Your Virgo Back Into

Virgos are known for their practicality, reliability, and perfectionism. When they break up with someone, they usually do it because something wrong in the relationship needs to be fixed. This can make getting them back a little more difficult than other signs, but not impossible! There are six steps you can take to get your Virgo back

1. Make small changes:

If the breakup was due to a lack of communication or feelings of unimportance, try making changes such as talking more often and being honest about everything.

2. Be patient:

Virgos need time to think things through before making decisions, so don’t rush into anything too quickly. Be patient and give them time to think about their decision. You may have done something or said something that hurt their feelings, but if you take your time, things can work out.

3) Take some time for yourself:

Stop putting pressure on yourself and let your obsessive behaviour go; accept that you cannot do everything perfectly all of the time. Recognize how much effort makes sure things are perfect; realize that nothing is more important than being healthy or happy.

4) Communicate openly with each other:

Make an effort to talk about what’s bothering you, and don’t assume anything. Communicate openly about what’s bothering you to try to work it out and understand things better.

5) Give them space if they need it:

Maybe your ex-partner isn’t ready for a relationship with you yet, so give them some time and allow them the freedom to do things without being influenced by you. Sometimes, when someone feels overwhelmed or emotional, they need space to work through things themselves, so give them space, and when they are ready, you can talk about it.

6) Wait patiently:

Don’t pressure your ex-partner into doing something that they aren’t ready to do, instead wait for them to make the first move and think about what you want to do next.

Although getting your Virgo back isn’t as easy as saying how you feel, there are a few things that you can do to change your mind. It is key to understand why they broke up and figuring out what it will take to get them back in the relationship.

In some cases, the signs may not be right for each other but could work in a different situation – but patience is the key. If you are willing to wait and put effort into making things better, there’s no reason why you can’t work things out.

How to Avoid the 5 Biggest Mistakes You’re Making When a Virgo Ends It

Unless you’re a total dirtbag, it’s highly unlikely that your relationship with a Virgo ended because you did something to make them not respect and trust you. So, the key to winning back the heart of your Virgo lover is understanding what went wrong in the first place, which might be easier said than done.

Read on to learn more about the biggest mistakes people make when their Virgos dump them, along with some solid advice on how you can avoid making the same mistakes yourself.

After your Virgo lover has broken up with you, it’s important to go into “damage control” mode right away. Here are 5 big mistakes that people tend to make after their relationship ends and how to avoid them yourself:

1) You Beg Forgiveness:

It’s unlikely that your Virgo partner is going to take you back just because you beg for forgiveness. Virgo is sticklers for doing things the right way. They pride themselves on their perfectionism; an apology isn’t usually going to cut it when a flaw has been found in your relationship, even if you were truly sorry for what you did.

The best way to handle this situation is to take some time off from your ex-partner and work on yourself. Focus on making changes that will show your Virgo partner that you can be more honest and reliable than before. Once they see how emotionally mature you can be, they’ll probably be more open to the idea of getting back together with you.

2) You Act Like Everything Is OK:

Another issue with pretending like everything is OK is that it makes it seem like you don’t care about what happened. If your Virgo partner already felt that you were too emotionally distant from the relationship, this could push them even further away from you.

The best thing to do after your Virgo partner breaks up with you is to take some time and make positive changes in yourself. Once they see that you are serious about making things work, the transition back into a relationship will be much smoother for both of you.

3) You Get Angry And Call Your Ex-lover Names:

It’s understandable that you probably felt betrayed and attacked when your Virgo lover called things off with you, but getting angry at him or she isn’t going to solve anything. Calling your ex-partner names or saying nasty things about them will only make you look bitter and desperate to get back together again – in other words, it won’t make things better.

The best thing that you can do when your Virgo lover breaks up with you is to take some time off from them and get yourself together. Find other ways of coping with the situation, like talking to someone about it or doing something else to keep your mind off of the emotional pain that you’re experiencing at the moment.

4) You Go Off And Sleep With Other People:

The “rebound” effect is a very real thing, and it’s usually at its peak after someone has broken up with you. It can be tempting to go out and sleep with another person just because you’re feeling lonely or hurt.

But if this happens, you’re only going to be making things much harder on yourself. Sure, your ex-partner will see that it was a mistake for them to dump you, and they’ll want to get back together with you again (sometimes this works out extremely well), but if it doesn’t work out like that, then you’ll look bad in their eyes.

Instead of pursuing someone else after your Virgo partner breaks up with you, focus on being single for a while and finding ways of coping with the situation. The more emotionally stable that you are, the easier it will be to get back together with your ex-partner after things have cooled off between you both.

5) You Become Too Needy And Desperate:

It’s natural to have your feelings hurt after being broken up with by a Virgo lover, and it’s also understandable if you are desperate to get back together with them again. If this is the case, you need to be careful about how much pressure you put on your ex-partner.

Conclusion

Thank you for reading this blog post on Virgos And Breakups. We hope you enjoyed it! If there’s anything we missed or didn’t address, please let us know in the comments below, and we’ll be happy to help out. Thanks again, and have a great day!

#breakup #divorce #love #marriage #relationship #youtube #Youtube

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free--therapy · 7 months

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It's anon again!

I'm usually quick to judge myself and expect the worst but I do know I make many mistakes too especially growing up. However it's like I think that I'm the only one who does or has ever done bad things. As if no one does things as worse as I do or as I've done.

That leads to many many what ifs like if I should apologise now years later. Then my mind is like "but that's such an old thing. Most probably they wouldn't even care or don't bother." But then my mind is like "but what if they do? What if despite being a small thing, it affected them a lot?" "What should you do then?" "Shouldn't you come clear or apologize?" But the thing is, if I make a habit of doing that it'll be bad and it's not even healthy for me. Plus rationally seeing, there's a much higher chance that me telling them about it would weird them out or affect them when they were completely doing fine before that. In other words, it'll only lead to the worst for both of us involved.

Also, I tend to have this fear like "if I don't tell them then what if this thought/incident keeps popping up in my mind?" But you know, its just another what if too. Because more than the incident itself, it's all the what ifs related to it and that specific "what if it never goes away?" thought that actually bothers me. I know this because even for certain things that I did apologise for, those incidents still pop up in my mind where my mind nitpicks stuff like "you told them all that but you didn't mention this one detail. Shouldn't you mention this too now?" Something like that. So clearly it's just an anxiety triggered thing.

Especially when it comes to events from the past like mistakes or even neutral events where I did or said something, as I tend to see myself in a negative light (or at least, I see myself as someone who can be manipulative without meaning to) so I assume that when I did/said that particular thing, I must've meant it in a bad/negative way. Even if I did something as a child, and if I remember it now, I'll be like "oh I definitely must've meant it in a weird or bad way" idk why I'm like this though

I mean, I know that I tend to have this thing where I can influence or manipulate other people's opinions and my loved ones tell me they've noticed it too but they see it as a strength. But I see it as a negative point because I feel like I use it to influence others....many times I don't even mean it. But because of this I have a negative view of myself. So I assume that I mean the worst and that I seldom have good intentions.

But I know that's not true because I know I'm an overly empathetic person (which i hate- I'm an infp personality type and very similar to my mom) and I know I do good things too but I feel like I do it for selfish intentions.

For example, my parents and elder sister have been on really bad terms in recent months and don't really talk much but sometimes when they do bring up their arguments, it really really spikes my anxiety through the roof. I mean, nothing makes me more anxious than that......even my overthinking rarely gives me any physical sensations but when they start arguing, my temperature increases and breathing gets faster and just..I get very anxious.

I'm usually the mediator. So I try to explain to my parents what my elder sister thinks because usually when she starts talking she ends up fighting and yelling (she's prone to anger a lot and gets mad easily) so in her stead, I try to explain her views to my mom. I know she might understand if I explain in a calm way because I tend to influence or get others to agree or at least consider my views- that's what I mean by manipulating. And mom sometimes does understand a little bit and I usually try to ask my sister to think from their perspective as well. Of course I don't try to change her mind much but just to calm down. She always says that parents agree to let her choose her decisions only because I do half the work of getting them to understand and agree.

However, when she says that, I feel internally guilty. Because while I do want them to have a good relationship with each other but I also have other reasons like I don't like when they fight, having conflict in our home stresses me a lot and more than anything, my fear of things getting too bad and then separating for good or something. I'd hate that because I want us all to have a good relationship with each other so I try to best to explain my parents her situation and just acting as the mediator. But aren't I doing it for my own reasons? Doesn't that make me selfish? It's like all I ever do is try to get my own way with everything.

Similarly, this view I have of myself leads me to overthink a lot of my past events. Sometimes they're genuine mistakes but sometimes they're neutral events that I overthink about from all the negative angles until they start looking like a mistake or a crime or something lol

I'm thinking of trying to still love myself and accept myself more as I am though. And to not always expect the worse from me. I know I'm a nice person too and I'm very empathetic. I know I can be kind too but many times I do end up being too accommodating since I'm a people pleaser and my infp self is too idealist. Like I try to be a perfectionist or something. But I know the lengths I would go to for my loved ones and how I do small things here and there to make others feel better (though sometimes I do it even if I don't want to) so I do know I can be nice. But since I'm too emotional of a person and I notice others a lot so I unconsciously study their personalities (not in a weird way 😭) but just I tend to observe people which makes me notice when they talk or act differently to me which makes me insecure or worry about something/anything I did. I can be weird at times I guess.....like I can be teasing in a funny way (usually to cope with awkwardness lol or just for fun with people I'm comfortable with though I never take it far at all) but I don't know- I just want to re-learn to think of myself positively instead of second guessing each of my own actions or something.

I need to have my own boundaries though and uphold them and work on my self esteem. Because my self esteem usually cycles between feeling superior (I know this sounds weird and I know but right from childhood I've grown up hearing people tell me or my parents about how smart I am and stuff which did a number on my self esteem, my sister keeps saying she thinks I have a high IQ which would be nice to hear but these days it just makes me feel worse tbh) or feeling inferior or like I'm a loser. The latter is because my dad keeps saying "you had so much potential but in recent years, you've just been lazy and procrastinating and wasted all that potential" or he says "you're just lazy and don't do anything" frankly, I hate hearing that and it's one of the reasons why I became this way. Why I ended up becoming someone who stopped bothering about grades much.

I just used to get enough grades to pass and never fail in college and I did that because no matter what I did, my parents wouldn't say good things to me. Oh though in my last semester, to get back at my parents, I scored a almost perfect score just to rub it in their faces lol I can be petty like that 😭 but still my dad was like "are you lying?" And when I showed him the results he just said, "I can't believe how you managed that seeing how lazy you are" idk I wasn't even that lazy at all when I was busy with college. But then he said "he knew I always had a potential" but I hated it because he said it in a kinda mocking way so I couldn't be happy about it. I still love my parents though! It's just the way they talk to me that rubs me the wrong way and makes me feel smaller sometimes but my elder sister sometimes stands up for me!

But being a middle child (I have a younger sister too) has really got me to become the kind of child that suppresses her thoughts and feelings the most since most times, I'm the one who has to compromise. Because if my elder sister says something, I had to listen since she's older and if my younger one does something, I have to understand because I'm older and she's young. So I have to be the most understanding and be the ones who resolves their fights and does all the explaining to my parents too. And still get the most insults from both. But the up side to it is that my parents don't care as much about what I'm up to so I have the least restrictions out of us three daughters lol

Anyway, sorry for sharing all that unnecessary info 😭 I just want to say I want to learn to be kinder and more accepting of myself and my opinions or interests no matter how different/weird they may seem to the majority and just be proud of myself. Sometimes I feel like I should just become a bad bitch or something lol and be unapologetically myself but I know that's not as possible for me lol

I'm reading a book on overthinking called "Stop Overthinking: 23 Techniques to Relieve Stress, Stop Negative Spirals, Declutter Your Mind, and Focus on the Present" by Nick Trenton and it's been helpful so far!

I do still have many issues in thinking though like focusing on the worst case scenario and obsessing/worrying about it, over generalization, all or nothing thinking and many others but I'm trying to work on it again.

Though I do wanna ask, is it always the case that if something you thought you had pretty much gotten over comes back again and you end up getting stuck in overthinking about it again, does that always mean you never got over it to begin with? Or can old stuff still sometimes come up again even after you getting over it once? Because I do notice that it feels comparatively a little milder than first time.

Sorry for this mess of an ask though, I was trying to organise my thoughts in the best way possible.

Thank you for reading this, a lot! 🫶

Hey Anon

You will have to learn how to let go of these things and allowing yourself to be okay with them not knowing how you feel about the situation. No amount of guilt or shame can change what happened and like you said, they've probably forgotten or forgiven you for the situation anyways. You'll just have to keep reminding yourself of these things as the thoughts come up again. Usually when I have moments like that, I have to tell myself things like, "we already went over this, it's fine! I accept that I've done wrong, but now that I know better and I can do better."

Another thing too is that people perceive certain events a lot differently than we do. Even though we can feel like we've done something wrong, the other person probably didn't see it that same way, so there's no need to apologize.

I don't think your mediation is manipulative, that's definitely a strength, but I know it's also because it was likely a trauma response of yours from the past that you just learned to play that role because you could see how helpful it was in those tense situations. It's a good role to play though because oftentimes arguments happen because of either lack of communication and/or understanding and you happen to be the one who can look at things from both sides and find ways to show each side each perspective. But I can understand also how anxiety-inducing that can be too and why you'd feel like it's a bad thing. I don't think it's a selfish or bad thing. To me it seems like you are the peacekeeper and you love your family and don't want there to be any conflict. Unless you're expecting something in return (something that would only benefit you) when you do it, maybe that can be a little selfish. And don't get my words twisted with that either because it benefits everyone involved to have someone brave enough like you to do those things out of the goodness of your heart.

You have a good heart, anon, and I know from my personal experience how draining that can be because your love for others is so strong and so beautiful, but yet you don't believe you deserve to give it to yourself. I know how hard it is to turn it inwards, but trust me, you already know what to do, you just have to accept that you're allowed to have it too. I

It sounds like we have a lot in common anon. You definitely remind me of my younger self, even with being praised for my intelligence and good grades, and having parents that were never supportive or encouraging. Also the lazy thing/wasted potential thing too omg 😭 I've heard those words too and it breaks my heart to know others having to go through the same things I did and knowing exactly what that does to you and your mind. My mom would say such mean things to me because she believed it would "light a fire under my ass" to persevere and try harder, but literally nothing was good enough or it just discouraged me altogether. Ugh, I wish I could give you a hug

Yes and no. Like I said in one of your previous asks, sometimes the mind likes to test us to see if something still affects us or to bring up something new we haven't considered about the situation to try and bother us, or yes, something can still be unresolved. It's not always black and white though. I've had thoughts come back up and I'd be like "lol girl, we already discussed this. nice try though!" our brains are weird 😅

#ask #answered #anon #overthinking #rumination #guilt #shame

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gray-skiess · 1 year

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hi!! can I please get a male stranger things and marvel match up?? thank you <3

Appearance: I am Irish (which most people can tell of right away from my freckles), 5’2, and have blue eyes with light brown sorta straight/wavy hair. I have just my ears pierced and would consider my fashion sense to be cute but comfortable. I wouldn’t describe myself as overly girly but I do think I have a more feminine vibe in my style.

Personality: I am quite an anxious person and can be a bit of a worry wart so this has dubbed me the “mom” of my friend group. Although I am more introverted, I love going out with my close friends and sisters (which I have three of; me being 3 of 4) - doing things with them even if it’s something small like going on a drive and listening to music. I’m an ISFJ and a virgo sun/ an aries moon/ a pisces rising. Even though I’m an anxious person and a bit of a homebody, I want to travel all around of the world and really immerse myself in different cultures, foods, etc. and meet new people. I consider myself to be more of a realist and make decisions with my head more than my heart. I pride myself of being both book smart and people smart (but I’m not really street smart). While I tend to be more of a calm, rational person, I have no problem speaking up for others when I feel they are being mistreated. I do however have problems speaking up for myself and tend to forgive people easily and apologize for things when I don’t need to. I tend to overthink a lot and can sometimes get too in my own head about things, to the point that I become my own worst enemy. I’m also a sensitive person and take things to heart a lot, even if they’re not intended that way.

Interests/hobbies: I’m obsessed with making Spotify playlists and aesthetic boards for my friends on Pinterest. I love music and listen to it all the time (particularly harry styles, ABBA, niall horan, lizzo, backstreet lovers, fleetwood mac, olivia rodrigo, lorde, taylor swift, 5SOS etc). I also love going to concerts (I’ve been to at least 10 within the past year). I love astrology and crystals and am constantly trying to find out more about both topics and how they relate to me/affect how I am. I live on an island so I love going to the beach (literally any time of the year). I’m also obsessed with reality tv (specifically the real housewives). I know it’s all trash and unrealistic, but I can’t help but watch it! I am majoring in psychology and communications, so I’m very big on practicing healthy ways of dealing with mental health issues and talking out problems and coming up with reasonable solutions.

Relationships: In general, I’m a pretty friendly and easygoing person but I tend to really open myself up to people when I feel truly comfortable with them and when I feel like I can trust them. This means it might take a while for me to build a relationship with someone. However, once that trust is broken, it’s hard for me to get back to that same level of comfortability. In romantic terms, I would want someone that I like just as much as I love or am attracted to them. I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic so bc of this I keep myself away from romantic opportunities to keep myself from getting hurt. I tend to fall for people a little quickly which can make the hurt that much worse. I would want someone who can communicate their wants/needs effectively and who can respect my wants/needs as well. My love languages are words of affirmation and quality time.

sorry it’s so late my dear, but i hope you enjoy nonetheless !

from stranger things i match you with;

steve harrington !

love steve for real

- so interested in all of your interests. let’s you introduce him to concert culture and has you tell him his horoscope and the meanings of all the crystals. picks a favorite crystal not because of the meaning but because it’s the prettiest one

- would drive with you for HOURS literally loves spending time with you. whether it be just driving to the mall to get a bite to eat or a day long road trip, say the work and he’ll get his best mixtapes ready to go

- super respectful, and while he needs a little help communicating, he is so willing to try. on previously mentioned drives he spills all of the tea and just kind of let’s everything out (at the appropriate time of course- but also sometimes if there’s a prolonged silence. he’ll just start talking about something deeper than which coke flavor is superior etc)

#gray-skiess #gray's blog #stranger things #x reader #headcanons #matchup request #imagines #steve harrington #date ideas #moodboards #aesthetic #matchup

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stained-glasswriting · 3 years

Text

Sweet Kitty

Hybrid!Park Jimin X Reader

Word count: 4.5k

AN: ok guys this ones gonna be a little bit of a slowburn. The classic reader finds a hybrid and takes them home. I hope you like!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had already been a long day when you got distracted while dragging yourself home. Your day started with your only 8 am class of the week, you were late of course, keeping you from your daily caffeine dose. It all got worse when you left your college campus for the diner you worked at. Immediately upon entrance, you were bowled over by a coworker practically begging you to take the last three hours of her shift. Agreeing to take the shift from her, you set about getting ready for that was now a closing shift.

Of course by the time you flick off the lights and lock the door, it was dark and started to drizzle. Pulling your jacket tighter around yourself, you step out into the street, starting the 5 block trek to your apartment.

The first thing that caught your attention as you neared your home, was a quiet whimpering. Quickly you stop in your tracks, looking around the damp area. For a moment the darkened street was silent, before a barely audible whine came from a dark expanse of alley jutting from the street to your left.

Staying in the entrance of the alley you peer in looking for the creature making the noises. In the dim lighting you could make out the sight of a pair of dumpsters surrounded by trash, sitting a few feet from a brick wall dead end. In front of them laid what looked like a pile of cardboard boxes. One of the boxes had something dark dangling out of it. At first you couldn't see anything that could be making that noise.

Another whimper had you taking a couple steps towards the wet boxes in front of you.

“Hello?” you called out into the dark tentatively. There was no response, but the quiet whimpers started up again.

You shoot a glance back out into the street considering your options. Going wandering down dark alleys in the middle of the night was a bad idea, but what if someone was hurt.

Steeling yourself with a deep breath, you slowly pick your way down the alleyway following the noises. All of your senses on red alert, you had to be careful. As you neared the boxes, you quickly realized that a dirty cat tail was hanging limply out of one of them. The stiffness in your shoulders leaks out as the realization that it's probably an animal that needs help.

Crouching, you peek into the dirty damp cardboard, fully expecting to see a kitty curled up in it. Instead you end up coming face to face with a hybrid.

You slap your hand over your mouth, effectively cutting off any noise you were about to make in surprise. Hybrids aren't exceptionally rare, but really only well off families could afford them. There weren't a lot of them just wandering the streets so this was unusual.

This one didn't exactly look like he’d come from a nice house though, or at least hadn’t been in one for a while. His clothes were dirty and appeared threadbare in places. They had run ragged around his wrists and ankles. Blood dripped down from his shoulder and down his arm staining the fabric a dark red. A long matted tail hung out from underneath where he was laying on the cardboard.

Your eyes trailed up the man’s skinny figure, up to his thin face. A fairly large cut was opened above his eyebrow, slowly weeping blood down his overly pronounced cheekbones. The cat hybrid’s eyes were closed but fluttered lightly as he made small noises in the back of his throat. His dirt covered ears pinned back in what you assumed to be pain.

Through all the dirt, blood, and obvious malnutrition, he looked small and almost soft. Honestly, how could anyone do this to him? It took all of two seconds to make your mind up to help him. You gave the hybrid a long moment of consideration, before you took the last few steps to reach the boxes. Leaning near you lightly touched his shoulder.

The effect was instantaneous. His body flinched away from you violently. The hybrid’s ears flipped forward to face you then immediately laid flat back again. His eyes snapped open, pupils blown wide with fear, they seemed unfocused, and whipped around wildly looking for danger. Another heart wrenching whine was released from his throat.

Pulling back you murmur soft comforting phrases, trying to assure the terrified hybrid. His nostrils flare as he takes a deep shuddering breath. The cat hybrid’s eyes finally seem to focus on you, scouring your face in an instant.

After a moment of staring between you, he seems to come to some sort of decision. He slides his eyes closed once more, and bends his head towards you seemingly resigned to allowing you to do as you wish. He’d seem almost calm if it weren't for the shaking of his form, and the ragged breaths that tore up his throat.

It’s cold out, and his injuries needed to be tended to. If you left him here, he wouldn't last much longer, you’d have to bring him home with you.

“Alright, come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” you whispered to him, trying to keep the tremble out of your voice. You reach for his arm again, this time gently grabbing it. Your fingers wrap all the way around the thin limb.

Lightly you start pulling him out of the wet cardboard. You were afraid that he might resist or lash out at you, but he didn’t seem to have any fight left in him. He just sort of resigned himself to whatever you were intending to do with him.

You were able to pull the hybrid into sort of a crouching position. Several of the movements caused deeper, more draw out whines to escape him. The hybrid didn’t stop you while you placed your other hand on his elbow, pulling him into an upright position. The hybrid leaned on you heavily, his legs wobbling as you held him up.

The first couple of steps were difficult, and shaky as you murmured encouragement and praises to the man. He limped heavily to one side showing you there was something wrong with the leg. After about a minute he seemed a little more inclined to help, and didn’t weigh on you quite as heavily.

It took some time, but eventually you were able to get the hybrid to the front steps of your apartment building, and inside.

The light of the lobby showed just how much blood and dirt covered the man, and his clothes. Some of it had started to dry and harden to him. Other spots still oozed the thick red fluid. Underneath it all you could now see just how pale and exhausted he looked.

Thankfully it was late enough that the secretary for the building had left for the night leaving the lobby empty. This allowed you to avoid any strange conversations as you pulled the hybrid past the front desk and to the elevators behind it. Without setting the man down, you hit the button with your elbow.

You're lucky once more, with how late it is the elevator only took a couple of moments before opening with a ding. It wasn’t hard to pull him into the contraption, but as you stop to hit the button for your floor, you could feel him start to shake harder.

“We are almost there.” you assure the hybrid trying to calm him some.

A few minutes later you’re pulling the partially unresponsive hybrid into your two bedroom apartment. Bypassing your living room and kitchen, you drag him down the hallway into our bathroom. Carefully you settle him down on the floor, and lean him against the tub wall.

“Stay here, I’ll be right back.” You told him, and spun on our heel leaving in search of the first aid kit you kept in the hallway closet. While in there you also snagged a couple of extra towels and a whole box of Band-Aids.

By the time you make it back to the bathroom, the hybrid appears a little more conscious. He was sitting a bit straighter, his tail clutched between his hands as he messed with the fur. His eyes wide with fear blinked up at you when the door opened.

“I’m just here to help, I promise,” you reassured the hybrid gently. Slowly you crouch in front of him trying to get a better view of his forehead. You could tell it was still sort of bleeding, but with all the dirt and dried blood it was difficult to tell where the cut started. You’d likely have to get him cleaned up before you could do anything meaningful about his wounds. He flinched violently when you carefully pressed a clean cloth on the wound, but didn’t move otherwise. After a few minutes you’re at least able to get the bleeding to stop.

Tearing your eyes from his injured forehead, you glance down, locking eyes with the man. He studied your face with an intensity that made you squirm slightly. You could tell he was sort of sizing you up. It was as if he expected you to do something, and was ready for whatever it was.

“Well, it’ll be difficult to do anything about your injuries till we get you cleaned up. Do you want to take a shower?” you asked the hybrid in front you.

His body jerked in surprise, his eyes somehow widening even further, apparently that was not what he had been expecting of you. He refused to speak but did respond with a stilted nod that left him wincing in pain.

Pushing yourself up, you cross to the front of the tub. He listens intently as you explain the different knobs, and what soaps to use.

“Do you need anything else?” you ask, lightly helping the man into a standing position. He quickly shook his head in response.

“I’ll bring you some fresh clothes.” you told him as you started towards the door. Warm fingers snaked around your wrist lightly. He pulled enough to stop you without actually pulling you back. This time when you turned to look at him, he kept his eyes firmly on the floor.

“Thank you.” he said quietly, his voice raspy almost like it was overused.

“Of course!” You immediately exclaimed with a nod. The hybrid looked up just in time to see a sweet smile come across your face. He released your hand then, allowing you to finally leave your bathroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first thing you did was change out of your now dirty work clothes, and into some comfortable pajamas. Looking through your closet, you pulled out some basketball shorts your ex left, and an oversized t-shirt. With a pair of scissors you cut hole in the back of them around where the hybrid’s spine would end for his tail. After a second thought, you grabbed a sweatshirt you wore often. It was your largest, even though he wasn’t much taller than you and was basically just skin and bones, you thought he deserved something soft and comfortable.

Carefully you slid the bathroom door open just enough to shove the clothes in. some steam escaped, showing just how hot he had the water at.

Your next task was getting some food into the poor boy. He looked so skinny, you should go with something that wouldn’t be too heavy on his stomach. Flitting around the kitchen, you get some soup started on the stove. It was just a simple chicken noodle soup recipe. Chicken, noodles, stock, and some vegetables you had chopped up originally for stir fry all went into the pot. Humming you bounced between the stove, and setting two places at the table.

Lost in your own world, you missed the sound of the shower turning off, then later the sound of the door opening. You got quite the fright when you turned, silverware in hand, and a now clean hybrid was standing in front of you wearing the shorts and shirt you left him staring at you.

A startled squeak slipped past your lips when you jumped. At the noise the man’s ears pinned back, and his eyes dropped back to the floor.

“It’s ok, you just startled me.” you reassured him, hands raised. “Are you hungry?” he responded with a short single nod. With a happy smile you went back to setting the table, and finishing the soup.

Before long, you were ladling the hot liquid into two bowls you put on the tale. Carefully you place the pot onto the pad in the middle of the table, and sit at one end looking expectantly up at the hybrid. He still stood in the doorway, head down, but now his tail sat in his hands as he carded his fingers through the fur. The sweatshirt you left him was slung over his shoulder.

After the shower, his fur proved to be much fluffier than you had expected. It was a lovely light tan that turned almost cream color in some spots without all that dirt covering it. Unfortunately there still appeared to be some tangles among the fluff, but those could be brushed out later.

“Aren't you going to sit down and have some?” you asked, confused as to why he continued to stand there,

“Sit… at the table?” his head snapped up to stare at you as the words tumbled from his open mouth. In his seemingly shocked state you were able to finally get a good look at his face now washed.

The hybrid was pale, and his cheeks sunken in from malnutrition. The wound over his eyebrow had stopped bleeding but the area around it was all red and angry. You could tell he’d been on the street for a while, and was exhausted if the circles underneath his eyes were anything to go by.

Despite all of this, the male across from you was handsome. He had nice full lips and high cheekbones underneath wide brown eyes, his hair, now clean, was a lovely light blonde color. Although it was shaggy, a little tangled, and definitely in need of a cut. Then at the top of his head stood a pair of fluffy ears with the same coloration as his tail.

After a long moment of staring between the two of you, he limped over and pulled out the chair opposite of you, and hesitantly sat down in it. He glanced up at you again, maybe waiting for you to start. With another reassuring smile, you grab your spoon and dig in. Once the first spoonful hit your mouth, he snatched up his spoon and started in on his food too.

The first couple of spoonfuls he started slow, but after that he tucked in with much more gusto. He made happy little noises as he dug into the hot broth. It took him only minutes to finish off the bowl, even tipping it back to get the rest of the liquid. His ears drooped slightly as he sat back and looked into his empty bowl forlornly.

“If you’re still hungry, have some more, there’s plenty.” you told him with a giggle, gesturing to the pot.

“N-no, I’m alright.” he stuttered out. The strange flick his tail did, and the look in his eyes told you differently.

“It’s ok, there’s plenty,” you responded, standing to ladle more into his bowl. This time he wasted no time tucking in and scarfing it down.

“So, my name is (Y/N), what’s yours?” you asked politely. You thought it was about time that you learned something about what was going on.

“My name?” he pondered for a moment before answering. “I’m Park Jimin,” he gave a short bow from his seat with the response.

“Park Jimin,” you repeated thoughtfully. “I like it!” you decided with a smile.

A beautiful smile lit up his face the moment the words left your mouth. His thick lips pulled back in a sweet smile that showed his teeth, and turned his eyes into little crescent moons. A light dusting of pink settled onto Jimin’s cheeks as he ducked his head and went back to his soup.

The moment you saw Park Jimin’s smile you knew you were a goner. With the appearance of that smile came the realization that you’d do just about anything to keep it on his face.

You observe him quietly while you finish your own bowl, Jimin however had another two. He looked up gratefully at you when ladled more into his bowl each time, his tail flicking back and forth. Around the middle of his fourth bowl, both his tail and his eyelids had started to droop. The hybrid looked sleepier and sleepier as time went on, but you wanted to deal with his wounds before you settle him in for the night.

Trying not to startle him, you stood slowly, gathering the dirty dishes from the table. When Jimin noticed you cleaning up, he hopped out of his seat and snatched his own dishes off the table before you could grab them too. With big eyes, he stood looking at you, waiting for you to make a move. He followed you like a shadow into the kitchen, immediately placing his dishes next to the sink with your own.

The hybrid then ignores your movement to return to the bathroom, and instead turns to the sink turning it on.

“Leave that for now, I’ll take care of it later.” You tell him turning the sink back off, holding your hand out to him.

Jimin’s ears go back again as he stares at you in confusion.

“You- I-?” he sputtered for a moment, eyes flicking between your face and your hand. “Shouldn’t I do it?” He finishes lightly placing his hand in yours.

“I’m a big girl, I can wash my own dishes,” you giggle, gently pulling him back to the bathroom. A look of utter confusion passed over his face, but he allowed you to tug him along.

You walked him back to the bathroom, taking care to go slowly so he could limp along without too much trouble.

Once there , you settle Jimin down on the edge of the tub, and open up the first aid kit. Flipping the lid open, you pull out a spray antiseptic.

“This is gonna sting a little.” you warned as you pushed back the tan strands of hair that flopped over his forehead as they dried. Now clean the cut above his eyebrow looked a bit smaller, and the edges looked clean like it had been done with something very sharp.

Carefully you sprayed the antiseptic over the slash mark, making Jimin wince as he gasped sharply.

“Sorry… Sorry,” you whisper, pulling a piece of gauze out of the kit on the counter, you lightly press the gauze to his forehead with one hand, using the other to attach it with medical tape. Once it seems secure, you take a step back to admire your work.

Jimin stared up at you with curious eyes, sleepiness seemingly entirely forgotten for the time being.

“Alright, now for the shoulder, shirt off.” you said with a gesture to the piece of clothing.

The hybrid stared at you for a long long moment, seeming to study you. It took a little for you to even realize why.

“Oh, I mean only if you’re comfortable…” you tried to back track. The tell tale feeling of warmth of a blush flooding your cheeks.

He then gave you a small nod, and began pulling the shirt over his head, wincing as he moved his shoulder up.

A gasp passed your lips as the true extent of the damage done to Jimin’s body was revealed. His malnutrition was even more obvious with the sight of his clearly visible ribs, the skin clung tightly to each one all the way down to his stomach slightly distended with the weight of the meal he’d just had. His hip and collar bones stuck out sharply showing once more how long it had been since he had a good one.

Bruises of various states of healing dotted up and down his emaciated form. Scars joined the mixture here and there across the expanse of pale skin some more healed than others.

Tearing your eyes from the hybrid’s chest, you moved to take a look at his battered arms. They were also dotted with bruises, but at the top of his arm and around his shoulder was a large patch of marred skin. It looked like he’d likely skidded across the ground on it. You could see bits of gravel still embedded in the skin, some parts still damp with spots of blood, others had already started to scab over. Lightly you pulled on his arm to turn his body to give you more access. This also gives you a view of his back.

“Oh, honey…” you breathed out in shock, nausea rose in you as your eye’s raked down his pale skin. His back was somehow even more mutilated than the rest of him. Thin, ropey scars crisscross across it in no apparent pattern. Thankfully even the newest ones looked mostly scarred over, like it had been a while since he’d gotten them.

Before you could think, you lightly dragged a finger down a raised line of skin. Jimin released a shuddered breath causing you to jerk back away from the injuries.

“I was bad a lot.” he whispered without turning to look at you. For a moment you stared dumbly at the back of his head before you realized what he meant.

“What? You meant these are punishments?” you asked shocked.

The cat hybrid didn’t respond at first, his breath rattled through his chest. It took a moment but eventually he gave a stiff nod. Suddenly his behavior through the night started to make sense. You didn’t know how much abusive bullshit they filled his head with.

“Oh Jimin, you don’t deserve anything like this.” you told him, tears starting to form in your eyes. Hesitantly you reach for him shaking, but you stop, hands hovering over his skin. Faint warmth radiated off as you looked over the expanse of marred skin on his back. Honestly you couldn’t tell if the hybrid was shaking more or if you were.

A loud sniffle escapes you, as you rub away a couple of tears tracking their way down your face. Jimin’s ears flick back towards you at the noise, and he whirls around to look at you.

His eyebrows pulled together tightly over eyes that studied you again with an intensity that had you dropping your hands into your lap. Jimin’s eyes search your face, following the tracks left by your tears. After a moment he broke your impromptu staring contest, drooping as he turned his face to the side.

“ Why are you crying?” he asks, not looking at you. His voice then gets really small. “I was naughty, it was my punishment.” The hybrid’s tan tail stays low but swishes side to side fast behind him.

“No no no, you don’t deserve this.” You move to reassure him, kneeling down on the floor in front of Jimin. He notices this, looking down at you as you sit and continue on, “ nothing you could ever do, would make it ok for them to do that to you.” By the end of your sentence your voice had started to waver. Jimin was fully looking at you by this point, mouth dropped open in shock.

It’s only a moment before his face crumples into tears. Quickly you pull the cat hybrid off of the tub rim, and into your arms. He startles, stiffening at first, before melting into your arms. His body trembles hard in your arms as he buries his face in your neck. You start rubbing his back slowly trying to calm him.

It took a while to get him to stop shaking, and even longer for his sniffles to slow. Pulling away carefully as his breathing calms, you raise a hand to wipe at the tear tracks covering his face as well now. Jimin just blinks slowly at you, pure exhaustion written all over his face. It’s definitely time to get him cleaned up and in bed.

“Come on, up.” you tell him, pulling him up as you stand. The hybrid’s eyes and tail are clearly drooping in sleepiness when you settle him back on the tub side. “I’ll finish cleaning you up. Then we can go to bed.”

Carefully you patch up both his shoulder and several large slices around his leg. All of the cuts appeared to be done with a knife like his face had. The questions you had about them could wait at least the night, while Jimin’s emotions were obviously still raw.

By the time you finish, he is clearly nodding off, jerking himself awake every few moments. When you move back to put your first aid stuff in the box, the hybrid’s big brown eyes blink blurrily up at you. His left hand raised to rub at his still somewhat red and blotchy face. Grabbing his hand, you pull him into a standing position, and help him put his shirt back on without messing with his wrapping too much.

“Alright, I have a guest bedroom that is all yours for the night.” you tell him, gently pulling him from the bathroom. In the same hallway were two doors, one being your room which you pointed out to him, the other being the guest room you were leading him to.

Opening the door, you help him hobble inside, holding onto his uninjured arm. You deposit him on the bed, and help him under the covers. Reaching over to a little side table situated next to the bed, you flick in a small lamp sitting on top. The dim light shows a sparsely decorated room.

The walls of the room were a pretty light blue color, but other than the bed and the table. The only furniture in the room was a dresser. A closet juts out into the room next to the entrance, a pair of large full body mirrors work as the sliding doors to it. Honestly the room was mostly set up for when your brother came into town, which you’re thankful for now.

Once Jimin was settled into bed, eyelids already falling, you straighten up, leaving the dim light on just in case. You sneak out of the room, leaving the door cracked, to let the exhausted hybrid sleep.

Quietly you go about cleaning up the remnants of your dinner. After taking care of the dishes, you turn in for the night as well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AN: alright guys let me know what you think. And if you want another chapter!

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sylverstorms · 3 years

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Miranda x Abigail ----The Song of the Crow Ch.1

If you prefer the Ao3 format, link here.

[Abigail]

The sun's light is slowly diminishing from the atmosphere.

With it, so are all notions of safety within the village.

People have already began hastily closing up shops and barricading themselves inside their homes.

She may have thought it was overly superstitious of them when she first moved here –or a strange, creepy custom— but a few days was all it took to realize this isn't as much a baseless fear as it is an absolute necessity.

The village belongs to its inhabitants during the day... and to its monsters at night.

The mad howling from the forest, drawing closer as the darkness deepens, is a common occurrence throughout the years of her stay.

She isn't an animal expert by any means, of course, but she's pretty sure normal wolves don't sound like that. They don't quite have that rasp nor that echo in the back of their cries... and they do not patrol settlements for anyone who hasn't heeded the local prophetess' warning to remain inside after sunfall, as if ordered to do so.

No. A lot of things aren't right with this village. Too many to count. But she knows she's not here to correct them, or to judge, or to really care.

She's only here to hide.

As for the rest, the strange happenings, the disappearances, the superstitions, she simply goes with the flow. Doesn't ask too many questions, doesn't let questions be asked about herself and her motives.

“Abigail!” A male voice suddenly calls to her from one of the closing shops, tucked off to the side of the snow-sprinkled road.

“Yes?” she turns, her calmness a stark contrast to most others in the neighborhood, already making a run for their homes when the sun isn't even close to setting yet.

“Lady Eira came by earlier, but I only realized a few minutes ago I didn't put the incense she bought in her bag! C-could you take this to her, please? Before...the sun sets?” He stutters. He knows what he's asking is reason enough for her to shove the bag he's presenting her with right back in his face.

Were it anyone else, that would be the outcome.

“Of course.” Abigail nods, instead, accepting the offering with ease.

The shopkeeper's eyes widen. A bow full of gratitude is given, before he locks up shop and retreats towards his own house.

Contrary to him, though, she doesn't see this as a demanding task at all. The village isn't that big, for her to worry she won't make it home if she takes a detour towards Lady Eira's, first.

Besides, Abigail feels she more than owes her, the woman who offered her a job –helping with all the house chores her frail body no longer allowed her to do herself— when she first came into the village, owning little more than the backpack on her shoulders.

Running a few kilometers to deliver her incense that will guarantee her safety for another night is really a non-issue in her eyes.

She gladly rushes to the old lady's door, earning wide-eyed looks along the way that go utterly ignored.

One knock on the heavy iron doorknob. Then, two. A single crow cries and flies away from the roof of the house, yet no further movement comes from within. Still, Abigail gives the elderly woman ample time to pick up her skull-tipped cane and make her way to her.

Except she never does.

“Lady Eira?” she calls from outside the gates to the yard. No reply.

Luckily, Abigail knows Eira never locks. Pushing the outer gate open is child's play for her and after years of tending to the woman's house she is sure the key will be hidden at a certain nook by the door.

A habit she has warned her multiple times about because she has seen exactly how fucked up people are in the outside world. This village can't be any different, with or without its peculiar cult-like beliefs.

Lady Eira has always brushed her off, however, saying there is no need to fear theft –or worse— under Mother Miranda's ever-watchful eye.

The village's blind faith in this woman never ceases to astound Abigail, but she initially thought perhaps Eira, in all her years and the wisdom born from them –this part is debatable, for most people simply call her mad— would know better.

An exasperated sigh escapes her lips as the lock turns. A quick apology is given when she enters the house. At first, she thinks the old lady is asleep. After a scan of the rooms, though, she comes to the shocking realization;

The house is empty.

With the sun's last light rapidly fading from the sky, Lady Eira is outside.

A cold chill, similar to an electric shock, runs through Abigail's body at the thought. Her heart starts pounding like a war drum in her chest. Knots form in her stomach.

What if she's lost? A dark part of her mind comes alive to ask. What if she's forgotten how to return? What if she's unable, trapped somewhere by a sprained ankle or worse?

But... it's getting late... Another, more reasonable, part argues.

...What if you can't help her, like you couldn't help Alex?

And it's that thought that does her in.

Abigail comes out of the old, quaint house like a hurricane. One look in the sky tells her the sun is drawing further and further away –no time for niceties.

“Hey, you!” she asks one of the last villagers left about, a man no older than forty, running to his home.

He ignores her. Big mistake. Abigail's gaze darkens as she walks up to him.

“Sir?” she tries again, polite through gritted teeth.

No answer. He remains with his back to her, trying to fit his key into the lock with shaking hands.

A flare burns across Abigail's nerves that she recognizes as her anger taking over her actions. She grabs the man's jacket at his back and harshly pulls him off the steps, like a dog on a leash.

“I'm talking to you!” her voice grows hoarser.

The local immediately curses and tries to swing a punch at her. “You fucking outsider!”

Abigail's past training kicks in, then. She grabs his arm and twists it behind his back in the same breath as she slams his face into the wall of his house.

“Do I have your attention now?” she asks. “Listen to me. You don't know who I am, where I come from, where I've been. But believe me when I say I have no issue leaving you out after dark.” she states, voice shrouded with the ice of someone who has already done terrible deeds.

The man struggles hopelessly, yet her hold does not give.

“Lady Eira wasn't home. Have you seen her? Do you know where she could have went?”

“W-what do you even care? If she's not home by now that crazy old hag is as good as dead anyway!” the man replies.

Abigail sees red for a moment. But a moment is all it takes for her to turn him around and shove him right back, by the throat, this time.

“Don't talk about her that way.” A voice in the back of her head is telling her to make sure he's never able to badmouth her again. “Answer the question.” Her fingers threaten to cut off all air supply.

“Agkh! Alright! I-I saw her going into the forest. I thought the ha- the old woman finally completely lost it.”

Another crow's caw draws both the man's and Abigail's gaze to the nearby streetlamp. The bird is looking straight at them with its black eyes.

“...M-Mother Miranda is watching.” the man starts whimpering.

Ah, not this shit again. Abigail thinks. She watches as he drops to his knees praying to the rumored prophetess just because of some bird. When she looks up, though, the crow is eerily still and gazing directly at her. A chill runs down Abigail's spine, but she shoves the creepiness aside.

“The fuck are you looking at?” she asks the bird, summoning the bravado she doesn't necessarily feel, for what she's about to do.

The crow doesn't move.

Abigail breaks the standstill when she turns... and takes off in the direction of the forest.

Why. Is the question she asks herself as she runs, nearly out of breath. Why do you endanger yourself for a woman you don't even really know?

There is no answer to be found in the spreading dark. There is only the clutch in her stomach at the sound of the first howls.

“Lady Eira?” Abigail calls. “Lady Eira are you here?!”

A twig snaps –and it makes her twist to its direction. Every muscle within her body is tense in a fight or flight reaction…

Until Abigail’s eyes catch sight of the telltale skull-tipped cane. Lady Eira comes into view not long after, moving slowly her way.

“What are you doing here at the witching hour, girl?”

“What am I doing here?!” Abigail’s voice sounds funny to her own ears, brimming with a mixture of relief and breathlessness and sheer fear. “I came looking for you! You weren’t at your house and I— and I—…”

“Well. I was just picking some herbs over here.” she says as if that’s the most logical thing in the world. Abigail begins to consider she really has lost it, as the rest of the village says.

“It’s after dark! Don’t you hear the howling?!”

“…What howling, child?”

Abigail stares at her, speechless. She opens her mouth, then closes it right back up. No way. No way, right? She’s just messing with me. She has got to be.

“Please, just let me escort you back.” she breathes out.

“…very well.” Lady Eira nods.

Abigail’s back tenses with nearly every howl, but at least they do not seem to be getting closer. Yet.

She has recited nearly every prayer she knows—

“Do not be so tense, oh brave one!” the old woman comments.

“Oh, I’m sorry. It just occurs to me that we can get eaten at any moment, but I’ll definitely try to relax.” Abigail rolls her eyes, chest heaving from the stress.

“Yes, do so. I have already told you; no bird flies in this sky nor beast walks upon this land if Mother Miranda does not allow it.”

“Ah, yes. I’m sure ‘Mother Miranda’ will really give a shit if an outsider becomes a wolf snack.” she replies. “Actually, I don’t think she cares about the village period, but let’s not argue right now.”

Abigail can hardly believe it when they make it to the old lady’s house and lock the gates, just in time for the dark to really settle.

She lets out the breath she didn’t know she was holding, before slumping against the shut door.

Lady Eira goes about the house, lighting up the incense candles and placing them outside the windowsills before pulling everything shut tight. She then sits in her favorite chair and observes Abigail with those eyes… eyes that look deep, past skin and pretenses. Eyes that look ancient and wise, unlike what others would claim.

“Tell me, girl. Why did you come looking for this old woman?”

Abigail tries to calm her racing heart as she focuses on the gloom outside for her reply. Ironic; To be asked the same question she asked herself multiple times.

“We are not related. Even if we were, few would risk their lives in this matter. Only the purest of loves and the highest of fools would venture outside at the hour you did.” When she talks like that, Abigail can’t think of her as senile.

“I don’t know.” It’s easier than busting her head open looking for the answer. She doesn’t care. She only cares for the fact they’re both still alive.

“But I wish to.” the old woman can get so demanding at times. “Is it because I offered you work when you came here?”

“No.”

“Because I remind you of someone? A grandmother you held dear, perhaps?”

Abigail can’t help but chuckle at that. If only Eira knew how fucked up her family was. That there had never been such a notion of a mother or a grandmother to hold her dear and to be held in such a way in return. There had only ever been—

“Call it the novelty of playing hero.” Abigail replies, curt and to the point like the officer she once was. “That’s all.”

“Do not think to lie to me, girl.” Eira slams the bottom of her cane on the ground and Abigail jumps. “You are not so shallow.”

A vein pops at Abigail’s forehead. “Because I was trying to prove something to myself, are you happy now?!” she snaps.

“Hmm… no.” The old lady shakes her head. Abigail thinks perhaps the wolves –or whatever roams the streets at night, anyway— will be better than this. “What is it?”

Abigail’s jaw clenches. “That I can be brave.” she lies with a straight face. Yet, somehow, she knows the old woman will call her out on her bluff.

“That you can be good.”

The certain way she delivers the sentence, as if it’s a universal fact, feels like a slash. Abigail feels slashed open. Somewhere in the depths of her eyes, the beginning traces of tears sting.

She remains silent.

Thankfully, Eira does not ask any more questions before she tells her to sleep on the couch.

The monsters won’t be going anywhere whether her eyelids stay open or not.

[Miranda]

Shortly after the girl’s breathing has evened out, she allows the guise to fall.

Ink-black wings slowly fan out behind the elderly woman, until they engulf her whole. Soon, ‘Eira’ is no more. In her place stands Miranda in her full height, stretching her sore neck. This old woman's form is always so uncomfortable.

The prophetess walks over to the modest, wooden coffee table in front of the sleeping girl and takes a seat on it. Ice-blue eyes study her closely.

Such an enigma, this one. Running out after sunfall for a mad, old woman. One moment stressing about being good and the next shoving a man into a wall face-first, all but threatening to break his arm if he doesn’t cooperate.

Of course, Miranda saw. She sees everything that transpires in her village.

Abigail, she thinks, would make a great host for the Cadou. Her military background is not hard to see, with the discipline she always has about her, the reflexes, the combat skills, the toned lines of muscle visible on her arms when she works. She has the body to withstand the parasite and the will to not be driven mad by it.

But.

Although those are certainly factors, they are not the only ones. There are far too many hidden parameters to the process and she’s still studying what makes the Cadou truly favor one host over another.

On one hand, Miranda is curious about Abigail. On the other… she really doesn’t want to ruin such a fine specimen on a whim.

Especially when she has already found a suitable vessel for her daughter’s resurrection. All that’s needed now is to acquire it.

Until that time comes, Abigail can make the mind-numbingly boring hours she pretends to be the old lady pass by a little faster. There is no need to risk breaking her most interesting distraction to date.

Abigail shifts, her pretty face scrunching cutely in her sleep. She settles for a little while, then stirs again. Her brow furrows deeper. This time, she looks like she’s hurting.

“Alex…” comes out in a broken whisper. “Don’t go…”

Miranda wonders if it’s a past lover she’s calling for, or a friend, or a family member. She knows the pain of the latter never truly goes away, not even in sleep.

There is no refuge from it for herself… but she has the power to make Abigail calm, even for a little while.

The thing is, Miranda is not the prophet of a magnanimous god, nor would she ever call herself compassionate in any way or capacity. She doesn’t even fully understand why she bothers to move her hand atop the other woman’s forehead, where her silky brown hair is mussed from sleep.

A silent command; And the nightmare vanishes from her mind. Her expression eases, relaxes once more, her fingers unclench from the white-knuckled fists she had them in.

Consider this a gift for your bravery.

Miranda rises, then and walks to the door. When she steps outside, the beasts that roam the land all turn towards her, curving into deep bows.

Icy eyes glance upon them once, the gates of ‘Eira’s’ home pulled shut behind her.

Silent as the grave, black wings once again shroud Miranda’s form. When they break apart into dissipating feathers, a flock of crows flies away into the night.

Ko-Fi

#mother miranda #mother miranda x abigail #mother miranda x oc #resident evil village #resident evil 8 #fanfiction #creative writing #lady dimitrescu #karl heisenberg #donna beneviento #and that one fishdude #SURPRISE the fic that's been stuck in my head for a while now #mother miranda needs more love and I'm here to serve crow bae #love it? hate it? always interested to hear your thoughts

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lilmajorshawty · 4 years

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The Signs Vs The Houses Sun Edition 🎇

Sun In Aries Vs Sun In First House:

(Pantheon God Ares Vs Lucifer Morning Star.)

Sun in Aries: Pantheon God Ares

Song: _By. Alexander - Trumpets Ft 070Shake

These Natives don’t readily showcase their independent traits outright but their intensity is actively expressed in different ways from one another almost like reverse parts of a long mirror. Sun in Aries natives are actively nonchalant, impartial and seemingly low energy to those who don’t know their outward appearance is merely a facade. Aries suns aren’t readily expresses of their more generic traits, their impulsive nature is often hidden underneath their calm demeanor. unlike sun in the 1st housers Aries suns are good at playing into a more watered down version of themselves if it serves to aid the type of reaction they will get from the audience of their choice. They much like Pisces can be deceptively charming, disarming and tremendously jovial but underneath this lay a impulsive, reactive and swift minded individual. Aries suns are more observant than they are open warfare types, meaning that their darker side is something revealed in quiet privacy. They are in actuality very polite and keep much of their outward passions in check as to not alert others of their intentions before the Aries sun native has already assessed the consequences their potential action might bring. They are tactitions in nature much like the war god ares, much of their actions are weighed and planned. much is done in secrecy or in the safety net of a desired outcome for them. They naturally seem disinterested or bored by their surroundings but can also have a testy, or rather flighty energy around being in spaces for longer than they intended. Their frigidity nature is a reflection of mars needing to be in control but the rather prideful way of the sun itself not liking to seem overly brash in order to seem regal. in this sense the sun and mars are in conflict for sun in Aries so they in turn prefer to keep their shadow face a bit more slow burn than people can perceive it to be. Aries suns are sweet and ardent but they can sometimes struggle with telling the truth, unlike their moon counterpart. Aries sun in a more masculine spirit Tends to be the most immature with their desires, mainly being self invested. Aries sun in feminine spirit tends to be most immature with their sexuality, readily wanting to claim the sexual limelight due to their appetite for admiration. on two sides of the coin underdeveloped Aries suns within masculine energy can struggle to see the world beyond “their” needs and “their” wants, the feminine can struggle to separate their over identification with physical gratification making them seem jealous and gluttonous for attention to those looking from the outside in.They are passionate but narcissistic. They care about those closest to them but they also battle between love for others and love for the self. Aries suns are in a never ending battle with the concept of I and how the I relates to Others. Aries sun signs definitely live by the “apart of my tribe” mentality and usually have a hard time dealing with outsiders. That being said they are a thousand times more tame then most give them credit for and only those who have been around the natives for long can ever really see their darker nature that they prefer to keep under raps. Aries suns are very loving nonetheless and dare i say the most emotionally affectionate of the fire suns. They genuinely do try for those they carefor and they honestly live by a strong code of right or wrong. despite what they might want they always recognize whether or not the action they plan on committing is morally correct or morally incorrect.

Sun in the First house: Lucifer Morningstar

Song: _By.Alexander - Stalling

Sun in the 1st Housers are quite different in terms of their immediate personality traits, because unlike Aries suns they are not under the space of just mars depending on what their sun sign is already in. rather they are swimming in the pool of mars while wearing their sun sign. Sun in the 1st house natives can be Intense, cynical, Dark and brooding. They have this perceptiveness about the world around them that can seem unnerving. People are in their eyes to comfortable with stillness and it bothers them, as they are mentally just as much as physically always moving, 100 steps ahead of everyone. To many this may seem like a blessing but it’s a curse for these natives as it creates a constant inner and outer need for chaos in some way. They want to maintain a certain level of opposition and transformation in themselves and in the environments they find themselves in. For them things could always be rearranged and redone and the more stagnant the view things the more unhappy they become as they see peace as a reflection of “lack” in themselves. in those with a masculine spirit sun in the 1st house can make them impatient, aggressive, aloof and cold in its worst but brave, perceptive, kind and generous in its healthy state. In those with feminine spirit it can make them cutthroat, rigid, blinded by the self and confrontational in its worst but vibrant, childlike, bold, and sharp of mind in its healthier state. Unlike sun in Aries these natives aren't impressed or worried about how they interact with others. These natives can seem dismissive or uninterested in people mainly because they are only impressed by people with “strength” in the manner of which they perceive strength to look like. much like Lucifer these natives live in the dark and admire those who have suffered or experienced the trenches of life only to rise from its ashes without a single complaint. to them people who can fight without seeking coddling or attention for those struggles are attractive and relatable. people who are attention seekers, overly emotional or dependent are typically what these natives avoid or tend to be the coldest towards. The reason being is that these natives underneath their cold and rather independent face are deeply sensitive and receptive to the feelings of others, but when they were young this receptiveness was often taken advantage of by the world around them. people ate these natives up and forced them to build their own personal hell to build themselves in, because in their eyes the only hell scarier then the one someone makes for you is the one you make for yourself. These natives are ambitious but also deeply full of life and vigor but to those who don’t know them deeper you may never know that beneath this light lay very serious and steady individuals willing to do whatever it takes to survive. these natives are constantly interchanging between Life and Death.

Sun In Taurus Vs Sun In The Second House:

(Artemis vs Higher Angel Metatron.)

Sun in Taurus: Artemis

Song: Ama Lou - Wires

sun in Taurus natives often represented by the bull are deserving of their steady and rather slow moving personality traits..Though in conjunction one might add in their mental gymnastics that put even the mighty Aquarius, Gemini, Libra Air trinity to shame. These natives are tremendously intellectual, they see and feel everything out just as much as they add a thick layer of rationality and logic to it. To them anything and everything can go wrong and most likely is so they tend to present themselves in a more compartmentalized way as to prevent this. on one hand they are solid and sensual in their approach to life, on the other they are distrusting and closed to outsiders. they value a certain level of work ethic in others and that is typically what softens their heart as opposed to be overly nice or suckups. they tend to be intense and insatiable but these traits are hidden underneath their polite and soft toned Venus haze. For Taurus, Venus serves merely as a cloudy ethereal presence rather than a solid body like it does for Libras which is genuinely why the two are so similar yet so deeply different. Taurus suns value a calm serenity but they value an authentic air to cultivate such serenity whereas Libras value the serenity that is without to much heaviness or demand. Taurus suns are naturally stable and patient folk, not much moves them out of character and once it does all of the magma and debris flies into the sky like radiating solar flares. These natives are insanely aware of themselves and the actions and motives of said actions of others. to them intimacy through the physical realm is the only real way to see someone and in a sense for them touch is their language. these natives are lovers of sex but contrary to belief Taurus suns just like Scorpio sun see sex a soul transaction rather than just “sex.” to them being able to meet every individual layer of a person beyond what they present is true understanding. Scorpios suns look to sex as a emotional collaboration of wounds and vulnerabilities whilst Taurus suns on the yang side of that spectrum look at sex as a Physical collaboration of involved and aware relinquishing of the self in its physical form to another. For Taurus suns they find themselves trapped between the concept of “what do they mean to me vs what do i mean to them.” this mentality often creates a emotional nature that causes them pain in life as they never really know when to let go of people, they hold onto people out of a fear of losing something important to them on a mentally materialistic plane. The men tend to handle the Taurus sun the worst as it often brings out a vain and rather expansive nature that is centered around using their possessions as lay way for their self worth. to them in their worse state their material possessions and their bodies become nothing more than tokens to scale their level of self worth which they ultimately base in the opinions of complete strangers. Taurus women/feminine energy folk tend to handle the energy well, mainly embracing their sensuality and sexuality although sometimes falling prey to their bullheaded and rather single minded advances towards life at times. in their best they can be captivating, preserving, and deeply empathetic of the woes and demons of others taking them on fearlessly. Taurus suns greatest foe as well as their biggest give away is their single-minded nature, once something catches their eye it becomes a mission, a life purpose and at times an obsession.

Sun In the Second House: Higher Angel Metatron

song: Ama Lou- This Town

For second house sun natives their similarities can often times shadow them after Taurus mainly due to the very calm and rather steady disposition they naturally posses. That being said much like the angel metatron as mentioned in text they have a far more raw energy that ensnares people to them like a spider web. They often times maintain a cool distance emotionally from those around them as to never reveal their inner thoughts but this at times gives them a much darker shade then Taurus suns as they are not as nearly well meaning in their observations of others. these natives are insanely perceptive but they tend to use this perceptiveness to read the crowd so to speak. many of us may struggle to adapt to every personality in the room or shift personas as a means of getting from point A to B in an unwanted interaction where as Second house sun natives can shift personas as will due to their gift for micro analysis. They can read a room, the people and the energy of each individual from mere glances and that makes them incredibly charming but also a tad unreadable as much of what they are showing is far away from what they truly feel. These natives are powerful in the sense that they have a vision that Taurus suns are themselves afraid to truly use. You see second house suns are often in control of their environment because they alter themselves in the necessary form needed to gain the upper hand.Many of them do well in performance art like acting because it allows them to convey their inner world without letting on its source. They often times shy away from commitments as they require the natives to be the real self vs the self they cultivate. Unlike Taurus suns who operate authentically these natives operate in a way that fits the authentic need of the people without having to give up any of their real ego. These natives also aren’t as caught up in the materialistic side of life rather they are obsessed with their self esteem and how that self esteem is equated in the real world around them. For them their biggest fear is being misused or taken advantage of and very often so life puts them in a situation where this happens to teach them a level of boundaries between themselves and that of the people who surround them. They tend to be highly passive when it comes to loss in their life. they factor the loss of people whether by death or by them leaving one another’s life as just another one of the misfortunes of the world, in their eyes it can’t be avoided and is an eventuality but even so they must continue to move forward with or without others. This trait alone separates them from their Taurus sun counterparts. They value people who are gentle and preserving but these people albeit their perfect match tend to scare sun in the second house natives the most as the idea of someone who will love them fully disgust them in a way, mainly because deep down these natives don’t truly identify with their need to be accepted and loved because it is devoured by their need to move forward at all cost. these natives teeter between the collective vs the self and often find themselves inevitably choosing the self yet resenting the loneliness that follows suite

Sun In Gemini Vs Sun In The Third House:

(The Devil Vs Satan)

Sun In Gemini: The Devil

Song: Kendrick Lamar - U

These Natives often receive much bad mouthing and malice as their traits are normally misunderstood or mis-identified as Gemini itself being a mutable sign makes it a sign that mirrors energy that is given to it onto the person sending the energy. Gemini Suns on their own are outwardly controlled and restless but internally they are a landscape of thoughts, that multiply and divide like the cells in the human body. They are like compact computers in this sense because their mental scape at times is carrying Gigabytes upon gigabytes of thought process.They are living in a busy head-space often so much of their day to day involves them tussling with their voices and which side to listen to, which one to ignore, which to dive into and so on. This is often why these natives Live for interaction and communication, the less mental release the darker the head-space and the darker the head-space the more dangerous the Gemini. The lack of stimulation can present itself as addictions, self destructive behavior and outright hatred that seems to have no source. these natives more than most feed of human contact, it provides them a way to see beyond their mind and peer into another’s for a moment of relief. Gemini suns are very tender and affectionate, often loving physical sensations as they bring new understandings and mental curiosity to the native. they often adore sex but not for the act itself but for the many sides of sex, the control, the lack of it, the passion and the lack of it, the intimacy and the lack of it, the desire and also the lack of it, to these natives they all swirl around like aspects of a cocktail. lying and creating chaos is an aspect of their two headed serpent like nature but often times the shadow self of the Gemini is the most damaged version of themselves hidden away to maintain a level of sanity for the Gemini twin in charge. Gemini sun tend to have this dualistic side to them that can sometimes present itself as real bipolar disorder but this is not something that can be applied to realism as all astrology really is, is a map for better self understanding. These natives at times fluctuate between moments of peace and moments of chaos depending on which twin makes it’s appearance. Much like the Devil these natives can carry a sharp and mischievous tone but they can also have an angelic and rather childish youth to them that is so promising and inviting like white wine underneath dying autumn leaves as summer turns to fall. They represent a deep darkness in humanity whilst also representing the angel the devil was before he fell out of grace. Gemini suns are radiating with knowledge and tid bits that could unsettle the world but they never read the whole story, the whole scripture, they hang on to the small details and create a world around it. Gemini suns tend to struggle in their early years due to the push and pull dynamic of the angel and demon complex and at times a state of passivity is reached where they could care less either way how and what is effected by their actions. These natives despite their struggles are enterprising and gifted with an intellect beyond comprehension. They masculine and feminine energy tend to struggle with this placement as it naturally represents both in both energies. much like the devil they have a rather gender less energy when it comes to the world around them which is often why many Gemini suns are bisexual or pansexual as their desires are often times less about the physical and more about the mental. they can seem to be a chameleon due to how easily they can shift in and out of personalities but ultimately they aren’t so much so becoming someone else, they’re becoming the other twin. The secondary Gemini face is unlike the devil it is angelic and curious, innocent and loving but it’s pitfall is wrath and spite. As im sure these are traits you would apply to the devil no? well in this case the angelic Gemini twin wears them as a means of not handling their wounds properly. Gemini suns unlike most people put their hurt away by passing it on to the other twin who soaks it like a sponge, as a result over the years whenever the twin rears it’s head and is mistreated as a defense mechanism it reacts in these darker toned ways that can at times be devoid of humanity due to that twin being so lacking in interaction with people. Gemini suns often struggle with the inner and outer mind. for them they desperately search for a mental release of some form and often times it takes precedence over all things no matter how grounded the Gemini Sun. a never ending therapy session full of broadness and intellectual depth is their dream as in their most vulnerable state they desperately want to be seen, not just as one face but both faces.

Sun In the Third House: Satan

Song: Kendrick Lamar- Untitled 07(Levitate)

These natives can only be described as isolated princesses & Prince solemnly watching the world circle around their creations and crafts like moths to a flame. They are so vastly different from their counterparts in the sense that for them the world is more like a game then it is a cage. They are savvy, quick of wit and naturally street smart. Many of them prance through the world as if they’ve lived in the projects, the ghetto, or the slums as it is what allows them to use the more scarce methods, having very little and even in some cases building from ash and managing to create whole empires in the place of it. To them the concept of “lack” fuels their desire to expand the concept of having nothing. To them the world is built upon fallacies and they wish to unsheathe them by playing into the role of the underdog, the follower or the easy going lover and friend until they ultimately get to the place they had been dying to reach only to sever ties, turn on, vilify or in some cases tear down those who helped them get there. Now to many of you this may sound like an evil way to get by in the world but you must understand unlike Gemini suns these natives don’t live solely in the mind rather they live in the minds of others, to them their life’s purpose is understanding the patterns and desires of others so they themselves can mold themselves into those desires, so they can predict those patterns..all of it is like chess. For them to have the higher ground on the world at large plays into their need to remain ambiguous and Elite. The masculine and feminine much Like Gemini sun present themselves as the gender or energy type that suites them at the moment. You need them to be passive? they already closed their mouth and you haven’t released you already called all the shots..you want them to be passionate and aggressive, they’ve already controlled the day, they’ve changed the way they grip you, the way they lock eyes with you..these natives can be anything, anyone..because for them the art of playing to an illusion is a survival tactic one the learn at an early age to cultivate otherwise the world will defeat them and that is something they just cannot allow much like the concept of the world peaks Satan curiosity he must constantly venture, among the people to understand them as a means of never losing, never falling short or missing a step at watching the creations of the man he despises so dearly evolve. These natives are alluring, sweet, loving but in many ways they can seem missing, far away and sometimes unavailable both emotionally and physically. the reason being is that unlike Gemini suns these natives do not need to be heard, they need to be ahead and once they feel tied or held down by something they’ve already fleshed out and had their time with their restless need to be ahead comes out and they soon gravitate their focus elsewhere. Their constantly at war with the concept of Do i understand it all vs do i understand enough at all?

Sun In Cancer Vs Sun In The Fourth House:

(Arch Angel Gabriel Vs The Deity Tsukuyomi)

Sun In Cancer: Arch Angel Gabriel

Song: Daughter - Amsterdam

These natives contrary to belief are not as lacking in emotional awareness nor are they as gullible as other might like to believe them to be. One of the most frightening traits of cancer Sun’s is their ability to emotionally detach from people and situations in a rather abrupt manner. These natives are emotive but in some ways the emotions aren’t always backing the action. Cancer suns fall into the behavior of sometimes being nice for being nice’s sake and often times care more about the feelings of others than they do themselves. In more underdeveloped masculine energies this can rear it’s head as emotional narcissism, thinking the whole room revolves around their feelings and their feelings only, leaving everyone else to have to play pick up the pieces for someone who refuses to take accountability. in some of the even lesser versions this can cause manipulation of the emotional variety, using someones vulnerability as a weapon are sometimes tactics of masculine energy cancers and Feminine energy cancers who failed to acknowledge the skeletons in their own closet. Cancer suns often remind me of Gabriel in the sense that they carry his will of doing what is needed rather than what is wanted. Cancer Suns understand the difference between need and want and often times center their life around such inclinations. To them everyone no matter where they come from desires things they don’t truly need and fortify things they want only for a moment. As a result cancer suns tend to prioritize people, things and places under the laws of what they need and what they want and often times they can turn a cold shoulder to the things they feel are momentary even if it’s a person. Cancer Suns can be powerful, enigmatic and divinely feminine no matter their gender due to their inner desire to nurture and care for others, no matter how underdeveloped or developed these natives are the desire to protect and care for others is their base setting. Many as they age become more and more like their mother, often adopting the qualities they admired most and showcasing the negative ones when under stress or moments of trauma. These natives are deeply loving and caring and at times this gets taken advantage of but only briefly as Cancer suns are almost Demonically vindictive. The natives see colors on people and tend to be highly spiritually perceptive of auras and presence within people without even exchanging words. They tend to be closed when it comes to their feelings and contrary to social media cancer Suns do not express their inner feelings readily, much like a crab they withhold and protect their underbelly often coming towards things in a side to side manner much like a crab Even more so when they are a Cancer Rising. They tend to only really open their souls to those precious to them and often times when Cancer Sun’s feel they’ve over shared they retreat and often times disappear unless reassured that the person is kind and honest. Cancer Suns despise fakes and those who are emotionally careless and rude so often times they can become dismissive and down right aggressive in an almost warrior like way when confronted by rudeness or self centered behavior. Cancer Suns have a pronounced sexuality, as they represent femininity in it’s motherly form they often embody it’s glow and sway whilst remaining Innocent and seemingly unknowing. Cancer Sun’s often become more balanced as they age as many of them see their progressed sun move into Leo which aids with the confidence and the ability to balance out their darker head spaces that arise emotionally. They can have Strong emotions and because of this in some cases some people with this placement can struggle with such things such as depression and and or manic depression, that being said this is not a product of having sun in cancer, this can happen to anyone. Cancer Suns do have fluctuating emotional states that can fly between happy weeks and months to times of solemn and lethargic states and this is often more so seen in all cancer Suns no matter whether they are in a good place or bad. the key for them is to learn identification so that way they can deal with the emotion when it comes and let it run it’s course without submerging themselves in it. Cancer suns often battle with the concept of Nurture Vs Nature. To them they feel as if it’s their divine purpose to care for others, and they feel like people should be caring enough to consider more than just themselves but in truth the world isn’t always like that and some people are indeed selfish and often times this realization of self motivation perplexes Cancer suns because on a deeper level they don’t know how to disconnect from their need to solely focus on the well being of others whilst also worrying about their own health and emotional well being.

Sun In The Fourth House: The Deity Tsukuyomi

Song: Daughter - Numbers

Ah These natives are truly a never ending Dream starting so pleasant and continuously transitioning like phases of the moon into A nightmare, a sunset, a wet dream, a night terror over and over.These natives are Vague in their difference From their sun counterpart. They seem Emotional and Actually are just as emotional as their actions give way for them to be. But in reverse order these natives do sentimental actions in seldom as they prefer to hide their softer side and present a more aloof front. Unlike Cancer suns the idea of being nice for the sake of it isn’t their forte, rather niceness that is earned is more their language. they admire a certain level of genuine feeling but despise it at the same time due to the roller coaster it sends them on. They often remind me of the Japanese God Tsukuyomi for their tenacity, their often proud and pious nature that dare i say is more Leo archetype than Leo is itself. These natives are proud of their home, to them home is a castle but oddly enough a castle they can’t stand to stay in for to long. They are not homebodies and in many cases tend to see a desire for exploration outside their home towns and often times the countries itself. These natives suffer from emotionally impulsive streaks, often entangling themselves in situations without guarding their heart because unlike Cancer suns these natives have no emotional awareness, they play everything by ear including their heart and that often throws them in an inescapable abyss that tends to devour them. Though these natives are kind at times they are also pompous, they are loving but they’re selfish about how this love is expressed. They want everything on their time often forgetting about the emotional side of things for other people and this is where they get in trouble and why people at times find them overbearing or unreachable. These natives are passionate and insanely creative, often the magnitude of this creativity as limitless as their reservoir of emotion. They wear everything loudly but also hide parts that they need when it’s convenient. these natives are rather childlike in their personality due to the fact that they don’t care much if their blatant about their disinterest or lack of concern and dare i say this is one of their worst and best traits. They don’t fake it and love or hate them they don’t give a shit. They can be tremendously spiteful though which is even more so pronounced in the feminine energy than it is the masculine. Their struggle lies in the concept of To Have and Not to have, they often times fall prey to the desire to feast and never end never once realizing that once it’s all gone they’ll have nothing. They also fail sometimes to except that just because they want to have something the other person or people in question do not also have to want it and this at times is where they minds clash, because they genuinely do not understand why people are not seeing it their way. Their moods are worse than cancer suns due to the fact that they are not aware of they are having them, this means that they can fly into a mean state without realizing they’ve shifted and this at times can make them seem far more unpredictable then they mean to be. These natives are so loving and genuinely do mean well but their ego does get the best of them with this placement quite a bit.

Sun In Leo Vs Sun In The Fifth House:

(The Sun God Ra Vs The God Of Destruction Shiva)

Sun In Leo: The Sun God Ra

Song: Empress of - Should’ve

In Certain Ways one can always find themselves confused at the hands of Leo Suns, As direct, Honest and bold as they may be parts of their personality are layered in rather elusive undertones. Leo suns are typically Vibrant, confident souls who march to the beat of their own blazing chariot and drum to match, but much of this bravado is burning so fervently as a means of hiding the softer and in many ways more docile side of these native. They pursue life in a zesty and at times rather emotionally flighty manner as to not ruffle the feathers of those who can’t keep up with them though they can’t help but relish in the fact that they themselves create energy and disperse it where ever they go and not one person can take that away from them. Despite this though Leo suns battle with their Ego on a daily basis and it’s a battle they don’t show the world. Much to their lament their heart at times has a goal of it’s own and no matter how hard they try to live by the flame eventually their flames seethe and reveal their true nature which is much more unsure, much more sentimental and compassionate. Leo Suns are deeply feeling and them being a fixed sign makes these emotions hit like an entire solar system when it happens. Though they hate to admit it they are sensitive, they want to be loved and seen authentically but are also scared of this vulnerability. For the masculine energy this can cause a flighty nature especially in the realm of the heart. Many masculine Leo’s will brake up or pull the “it’s a little too much for me” “ i think maybe we should take a brake” “i want to keep things casual,” approach with romance and things can be going great, marriage worthy and suddenly they pull out. Why? well Leo suns in their masculine spirit are deeply fearful of their feminine side, to them the idea of submission in any form even if it’s to their own heart is a weakness and one they would rather avoid. When this happens they trick themselves into becoming more sexual, more in need of the bachelor life style when in reality they know deep down they want your love, to be loved and accepted whole beyond the meaningless ass kissing they receive. This back and forth nature of their’s does continue sometimes but once they truly open their heart their love is that of a thousand burning blue suns turning the most tremendous white. For them love is their weakness and they seek to present this strong and rather disconnected stance for as long as they can because to them maintaining that powerful and free energy is their soul and to give up their soul for love is their destiny albeit one they detest. These natives are insanely willful and will fight tooth and nail to create, explore and build no matter the obstacle but that being said these natives battle their need to “escape” which can often lead them into addictive behavior as they need to run away from the feeling especially once the flames start to die down. These natives tend to be emotionally unavailable and give everyone the most calm and yet sincere showing of love but underneath i promise their is a depth and well of passion. In the feminine Leo energy is calm and proud but it is also more in-tune with the need for emotion and softness despite the universal Leo energy need for emotional tightness as to not show the world their hide. These natives often struggle with the Theme of Acknowledgement vs Rejection. For them the idea of acknowledging a weakness, a love or a vulnerability is death for them so as a result they reject it for as long as they can however they can and in this process they destroy themselves and the relationships they hold dear. they spend much time wrapped in the concept of accepting the way the feel and not running away from the side of the selves that isn’t shrouded in those glamorous flames. They are caring beyond belief despite the way those flames may fool the world, And dare i say out of many of the signs Leo Sun’s genuinely have hearts of gold in every way. Though Much Like Ra these natives are seen by many under many guises and faces many of which are farther away from the true kinded hearted soul underneath that truly is as radiant as the sun.

Sun In The Fifth House: The God Of Destruction Shiva

Song: Empress Of - Need Myself

These Natives are quite the storm of Passion and at times this can be the very damning thing in their life. These natives live by the code of fire and tend to burn and burn never realizing their flames are eating up those they care-fore just as much as their foes. They tend to be Patronizing, Domineering, Physical, animated, Passionate and driven Though at times they loose sight of those who marched with them once the goal is reached. They Adore gratification but also don’t believe others deserve it out of their idea of what it looks like to dig fingers in the dirt for something. They believe in fighting for the just things but in saying this they themselves resent people who need to feel honored for doing such a thing. See these natives despise yet love praise, to them praise feels like honey and milk but has the after taste of cleaning solution and dirt. They want to feel needed but despite co-dependence. they want to feel it all but get lost in the feeling. for them their world is one big cyclone of events they just happen to take part in but they also don’t enjoy the drama that comes along with it though it secretly fuels them. to them life is to be tamed and those who are tamed by it are simply unlucky. They value intimacy above all else because in their eyes real intimacy cannot be faked, but they have a tendency to over identify with sex and intimacy almost using it as a bargain when in reality sex and intimacy are simply a pleasant moment between people. These natives can at times be addicted to the chaos and the negligence though they try to mask it as a pursuit of fun and liveliness. Much like Shiva these natives Believe that in order to create things must be tore the fuck up in order for them to really ever be real. The arguments, the tears, the ups and downs make it real for them and usually the lack of it can drive them mad. They prioritize their romances because that’s in a sense their focal point, their sun, their divine purpose but as you can imagine it is also their worst trait as it makes them incredibly insatiable for love but it also damages them greatly when they are alone without love in life. in Feminine energy the pursuit for love isn’t as all consuming and many focus more on their art and the beauties of children and theater many times over these natives live in the club as if it is some gorgeous ballroom whilst others paint and dance as if they where in a room with all the may gods. Masculine energies tend to be on the hunt for something, be it sex, be it themselves, be it a mighty battle to delight in they constantly pursue their own ideal of the sun no matter the activity in question. These natives tend to show all their rawness even their heart because unlike Leo suns they are not fearful of their deeper emotions which is a blessing and curse at times. They tend to battle against Wrath and Happiness. For them a constant state of turmoil is their fuel but the idea of happiness in its all scares them as they fear it will bring stagnancy and boredom along with it. they want to maintain their circulation of storms and tribulations and at times happiness intimidates them as it represents completion and often times completion is not yet what they desire.

Sun In Virgo Vs Sun In The Sixth House:

(Death God Iku Vs King Yan God of Death, Of The Ten Kings Of Hell)

Sun In Virgo: Death God Iku

Song: Brent Faiyaz- Make Luv

Sun in Virgo natives aren’t so much as something you can readily identify, they are not necessarily a thing as much as they are a what. They feel good, but they also surround you like a presence rather than a physical being. They often times feel like something carnal and ethereal but at the same time gravitate away from this by their realistic and rather internally discontent energy. They seem like they are just moving through the world, like a child who found out Santa was nothing more than a fable.They want and need to be needed but this desire is rooted in their early understanding of relevance being tied to usefulness. To be relied on is better than sex for them as it feeds their inner desire to be needed. Though we say this one might also call this their greatest weakness as their dependency on being needed swarms their lives into situations that allow them to be used and rather than be sad about it they seek out more situations until these woes mount a rather steep hill deep in their psyche. They often suffer from their fair share of demons because of their blind ignorance to their own pain, to them the pain is merely a small price to pay for those small moments of being needed, being useful in that moment they are seen more than any hug, child, parental love or sexual liaison can provide. Much Like Iku these natives live amongst the shadows as a presence, fading in and out of situations like a black smoke. They love the idea of being around others but they secretly loathe it as deep down they feel the attention is swirling away from them. most feminines with this placement suffer immensely as they struggle to separate being needed from being used and separating love from hate.To them the occasional grips outlast the major ones but in reality the small ones are the ones that leave the deepest wounds, while the big ones just leave a gaping hole that was already their to begin with.They admire work ethic and creativity in others as its something they too seek to connect with but they often burn out constantly due to their lack of emotional focus. they often jump in and out of happy and down periods with the down periods out weighing the happy ones due to them not genuinely pursuing their own vices of their own free will. though they care for others they don’t really love themselves which is many times over why they purposely play the game of how long can i rip myself apart subconsciously as they systematically replay the same scenarios with the same ending. Sex is another dimension to Virgo suns, they much Like Gemini Suns see it as a curiosity but due to their earthy component the curiosity instantly dies as soon as their sensual mind catches up with what is really happening. They want and need mental as well as true physical compatibility which can only happen when they align themselves with their emotional self. This circus act tends to continue as the biggest struggle for this sign is My pain vs your pain dynamics. They never know when to draw the line and ultimately they get eaten up by it. The masculines suffer the greatest as they are prone to holding on to their past hurts and using it as justification for mistreatment of people that come after. in their eyes the world was cruel to them so why can’t they be the god and return the favor and this is often why they endure the worst as the universe punishes them tend fold.

Sun In the Sixth House: King Yan, Of the Ten Kings Of Hell

Song: Brent Faiyaz - Insecure

As many of you may Know we look to the sixth house as the house of structure, day to day activities, routines and health yet for a native with their sun here the health and the health of others can be an ongoing theme in their lives.They Are constantly running on an internal schedule one that can seem to make all of the minutes in a day pure agony. They tend to be meticulous in some cases whilst in others they seem to be following some sort of silent bell that tells them the when and where. Time management, organizing and even planning are their hidden talents mainly because when it comes to other people they are like death itself, constantly waiting, passing the time almost excited at the idea of putting everything together. They can seem detached but down to earth, their hallmark is their humility and bluntness but in some lower cases they can seem condescending and emotionally daft. They say and do things according to their mental comprised list of do’s and don’ts. most people fall in reaction and action types for them and they tend to formulate their actions and reactions in response to these but much like life itself many things are unexpected including people and this is often where these natives malfunction, they assume actions before they take place and are totally unprepared for the off chance things operate outside of that box. To them there is a steady cause and effect momentum that life runs by and often very little does life operate off this agenda. For them life can be stages and every stage represents different levels of turbulence for them, at times things are well and other times they seem unstable or at times they can seem rather abysmal but thats much like life no? things can shift in and out of focus. well you see for these natives that shift of focus can be earth shattering as they tend to revolve their life around specific situations at times which can be highly discombobulating for them when they hadn’t the time to prepare counter alternatives. These natives are quick mentally and typically love the idea of nature and it’s animals, many loving to surround themselves with lively animated pets. they tend to care for their pets and plants more than they do people at times as they naturally see nature and animals as their happy place and area of grounding. Work is also important to these natives so they can often be very proud and intense when it come to the job hunt as their job is often what they want to be known for, how good they do is always important to them. In the masculine energy this can make the men rather messy/earthy looking as they pick up their features from nature in a quite literal way. for the feminine energy types the mercurial influence gives that gender less tone once more whilst also adding a soothing and innocent beauty. these natives are often dealing with the theme of Time Vs Place. For them Time is always an issue, when is it the right time? they never know how much time to alot to moments in their which ends up creating states of drain in them, but the place has much to do with this as well as these natives fail to realize that the places they trap themselves in is a cause of their lack of time, very rarely do they set themselves in situations that give them enough time to exercise free time yet they find themselves wondering where all the time has gone when it was never there to being with.

Sun in Libra Vs Sun In The Seventh House:

(Loki The Trickster Vs Dolos/Dolus The Spirit Of Trickery)

Sun In Libra: Loki The Trickster

Song: King Princess - Back Of a Cab

As an outsider looking in it may seem like Libra suns are impartial, Sweet and charming in a way that is both fleeting yet inviting, but among their well meaning disposition lay a certain anticipation of the camera cutting into the more grotesque scene. These natives Live almost as though they were a celebrity, their minds and energy go into the upholding of the idea they present. be it that they are a punk rock don’t need a man type, or maybe they are seen as a high ranking and family oriented politician, or mayhaps they are seen as the athlete or the singer with the smile of a cool summer evening. They wont ever showcase what lay underneath due to the real self being far more ominous then people are ready for. Libra suns are in reality stoic, serious, and unenthusiastic, this may sound bad but its in reality meaning that they aren’t as wrapped up in your shit as you may think. Libra suns present themselves as more caring and more involved then they really are as in all truth being cardinal their real focus at the end of the day is their own independent well being and whether or not anything is serving the purpose it needs within their lives. They are incredibly independent and dare i say even more than Aries suns. Libra suns really go through all the effort of seeming dependent and unknowing because it allows for people to see them as less of a threat, this in term gets them leighweigh in cultivating beneficial situations for themselves without a hassle. That being said they can get into trouble when the mask fades as people begin to realize their true nature. Libra suns are caring and gentle to those around them and this part is honest as they do have an appreciation for the sensual and often the beautiful aspects of relating to others. Though that being said they have a limit of to how much interaction with others they can stand for, to much of seeing someone can bore them and depending on the nature of the continued interaction they’ll often begin to wear their mask more fiercely as they are now beginning to fight their real self from telling you to leave them be. Libra suns are well meaning but at times they do find themselves caught between the mirror of deception, this shows itself as them getting caught up on past performances they’ve up-kept coming to bite them in the ass. They rationalize things here and there but for the most part much of what they may feel is felt deeply as they tend to see emotions as a gift and something they hold onto. The reason being that Libra suns seldom stay in a moment to long so often when a strong emotion catches them off guard they welcome it though if it’s a negative emotion they tend to retreat from it especially if it’s a romantic emotion that is moving along faster than intended. They are uplifting and selfless most times but selfish and rather clouded by their romances when they do come around. Their greatest struggle tends to be The real me vs the Me everyone Thinks is me. These natives play so deeply into their roles that they often times fly so far away from their own inner world that they forget what or how to identify their own feelings apart from the ones they have made everyone believe they are experiencing.

Sun In The Seventh House: Dolos/Dolus The Spirit Of Trickery

Song: King Princess - Ohio

These natives Unlike their Libra Sun Counterparts Exhibit traits that i can only describe as seemingly disengaged yet deeply engaged at the same take. They can seem as if they are wandering, mentally shifted in another place yet almost like a trance they heard every word, saw every movement they were analyzing you yet how could you tell? These natives are observant and often times the silence is their way of capturing the moment. They prefer talkative types as they reveal more and make that part of the interaction easier for them, but people who are overly mysterious or quiet tend to offset them as it gives them very little to work with and puts the balancing act on their back. They try to make others feel understood mainly because they themselves resonate so deeply with the process of finding oneself and understanding ones own true inner workings.These natives seem tricky and deceptive but rather its more or less the spirit they give off. They seem deceptive because they don’t reveal much, yet unknown to others they just don’t identify as heavily as most with the things in their life well enough to reveal much. The seem like tricksters because they know the right time to speak and the right time to act which can at times seem like they’re planning or scheming when in reality they are simply good readers of body language and social ques. they often times trail along a sadness that they can’t seem to attach a reason to but this sadness is often the shadow. unlike Libra suns these natives can’t pretend to be something mainly because they don’t really know who they are apart from their immediate interactions with others. they have an idea but at times they feel like a shadow of something. The shadow self often tries to convince them to play roles, play into things that could possibly be them yet in actuality they know deep down that would only further the disassociation with themselves. love is a big thing for these natives but it always seems fleeting, as if all their good graces are wasted on individuals who never deserved their love. in an ironic twist though it is actually wonderful that these people come into their lives as they aid their journey to self discovery. These natives are genuine and kind hearted despite their rather quiet and too themselves nature. Their greatest battle is between The Loud Heart and The Quiet Heart. Often times these natives play into the feelings they can see but never into the ones they feel but cannot see, to them the emotions need to have a logic behind them and if not they shrug it off as a irrational emotion. They often times are terrified by their own depth mainly because it belongs to a side of themselves they are not yet familiar and this is the shadow.

Sun In Scorpio Vs Sun In The Eighth House:

(The Mighty Marques Aamon Vs Arch Angel Michael)

Sun In scorpio: The Mighty Marques Aamon

Song: Tove Lo - Are u Gonna Tell Her?

ah The mighty Scorpio sun, Riddled in the darker parts of human nature where they themselves seem to find a sense of curiosity and compulsion. These natives tend to be easy to spot, rather not for just their physical attributes but for their ominous and rather soul inquiring gaze. They see right through you and have already dressed every aspect of you soul a million times over as if it were a pull over scarf. They more often then not have an early look into the nastier side of man due to the influence of Pluto and Mars throwing down their intense calamity. See Pluto and Mars are not necessarily on equal grounding and often times Pluto ruffles Mars in just the right way for mars to gear up in aggression which then cause Pluto to polarize and become calculated and manipulative in order to gain the upper hand. due to this these natives tend to express the inner conflict outwardly as a hot and cold/off and on demeanor and approach to all things be it love, family, and even career’s. Scorpio Suns do not want to draw attention to their actions or their inner workings so much of their ego goes into sharing just enough to get what they need from others whilst revealing almost nothing of themselves. In lesser versions of Scorpio suns this can be problematic behavior as they soon become controlling, Gas light heavy and emotionally abusive to those close to them as a means of furthering their need to be in control. Make no mistake though Scorpio suns are typically battling their own demons the main difference being what part of their journey of healing they are on. Scorpio in feminine types tends to be the most afflicted as the overly competitive masculine ruling signs clashes with the more submissive or passive feminine energy. This clash is apart of what makes these natives so alluring and sensual, you can almost feel the war steaming over their skin, the pain in their eyes, the intensity, you feel all of it as if you where there with them. They tend to be very loving and loyal souls but can struggle with opening their hearts to real love, the kind that heals and extends it’s hand. Scorpio Suns have a bad knack for going after their mirror, and this in turn is apart of their journey but also a habit that must be broken. The reason is linked to the fact that Scorpios Suns are drawn naturally to people that force them to Acknowledge their trauma, darkness and inner instability which sends them on emotional benders that can last years if they are not careful. Often times the Scorpio Sun natives are in a constant flux where they must deal with Ex’s, Family dramas and at a deeper level mental brakes but this is all apart of their grand story despite how heavy the lows are. Scorpio suns as a whole struggle with the concept of Destruction and Rebirth. For them everything in their life has a life expectancy and once the time comes all things fall to ruin, only Scorpio suns obsess with the idea of rebirth leading to a form of longevity a way to ensure things never cease nor ware down..But in reality this continuously vicious cycle of Devastation and second life are draining for their spirits and their soul. It’s ok to let go and it’s okay for things to be at peace, just because there is no war at hand it is no cause for worry of an impending ending and often times these natives in their fear of this manifest their own endings. Much like the Mighty Demon Aamon these natives are compassionate and understanding but also careless, wild and wouldn’t hesitate to impose their will no matter the consequence to others. They have a hard time with the white Pickett fence lifestyle and often times find themselves craving the unknown, the unstable, the misfortune..they are drawn to it like mosquitoes to blood.

Sun in The Eighth House: Arch Angel Michael

Song: Tove lo- Passion& Pain Taste The same(Extended Version)

Sun in the Eighth house Natives are Emotionally adept, but noticeably scary in the sense that they always seem as if they are sizing you up, writing in pieces and parts of you personality so they themselves can further dig into you psyche in a way that prevents you from pulling the wool over their eyes. unlike Scorpio Suns these natives aren’t a walking ball of tension rather they exude a mysterious and rather deceptive energy as if they are a black mist eroding away at the walls silently beyond your sight. They are just as Black and White as Scorpio suns but more dangerous due to the fact that they see the grey area clearly and choose when they’d like to include it in their perceptive analysis. They can have a military like energy to them, seeming authoritative and closed, while also having a rather shady nature to them even if they are not personally out to get anything at all. Often times people around them perceive them in a rather untrustworthy light even if they are the most honest person in the world, the reason being the eighth house squaring the energy of the Sun, it creates a Leo meets Scorpio Dynamic that creates friction in the outside world but not the bedroom. Sex is where these natives feel they can truly glow and shine, where they can truly unwind and express their true nature. Often times sexual addiction or sexual obsession can become apparent if the natives listen to their lower vibrations. They often times see people in a way of value and have a hard time letting go of them due to the bountiful potential they see in them. to these natives everyone on this earth has meaning no matter how small and that makes them irreplaceable. They often struggle with the idea of growing up Vs staying young. They often hold on to their youth, and even sometimes surround themselves by a younger audience as a means of ignoring father time who often forces them to confront the harsh realities of life. They often times battle with their mature side as it represents confronting their rigid more disillusioned side. they want to be optimistic but deep down they recognize the serious rather proud nature within themselves though they may try to shrug it off. They want their darkness to be excepted but simultaneously detest it as if it where a violent storm or pack of hounds set loose. despite this they have a rather intense nature but one that is more calm and mischievous then its Scorpio sun counterpart. Much like Michael these natives are dutiful but ruthless, if it gets them what they need they’ll execute it without issue no matter who is effected. They tend to follow orders and expect the same from others. they have an empress/emperor like energy which can at times seem intimidating and cold.

Sun In Sagittarius Vs Sun In The ninth House:

(Norse God Odin Vs Pantheon God Of Olympus Zeus)

Sun In Sagittarius: Norse God Odin

Song: Cinnamon Chasers - Speeder

These Natives do live up to their expansive Ruling planet, They at times are so high up in the sky that they forget there is a whole world around them. They are often distracted, Blunt, Mean, Cut throat, Philosophical and open minded whilst also somehow managing to be vibrant, Sincere and very hard lovers for those they hold dear. They can have trouble holding back their opinions and their ideas and once that mouth of their’s gets going it tends to be a real sucker punch. They adore adventure but tend to find adventure in their day to day life just as exciting. The traveling generalization is often true but for Sagittarius suns it’s not so much foreign cultures as it is experiencing something outside of their immediate normality. they can’t stand someone who doesn’t have any idea what they’re talking about and will dig your grave for you via words if you waste their time, every second is precious to a Sagittarius sun no matter how minor you may think it is. They are often very straightforward in their approach to all things which can be a good or bad thing depending on how strong willed you are to deal with such a strong force. They tend to live in their minds but unlike Gemini these thoughts and desires find their way into the real world which often time can lead them into some sketchy or bad situations due to how little thought or consideration went into the details of the thought itself. They are insanely willful folks and will fight anyone who intends on placing them into a set standard of expectations and rules. They are often creative and fair very well with bringing in their own unique spin to the things they create. certain emotions some of us spend years or days mulling over these natives typically pass through relatively swiftly. Nothing really is that serious to these natives, after-all in their eyes all that could be done has been done. They tend to have a rocky relationship with their emotional hemisphere and thats often where the underdeveloped lot of this sun sign seek out their flighty and or venomous tongue to defend themselves. they often are quite sensitive and loving but struggle to apply this as its a foreign concept to them. Their flightiness is also deeply rooted in their need to chase, to constantly be on the hunt for their divine pleasure. The masculine and feminine both fall prey to this. Similarly to Odin these natives are creative, expansive in their mentality, leaders, explorers and deeply intellectual beings bent on understanding the world and all within it too it’s fullest extent. Their greatest struggle tends to be between the Should i stay vs should i go dynamic. They are always leaving the people and things they have no business leaving behind yet sticking around for the nonsense that truly serves them no other purpose but sex, false validation or presenting a sort of illusion.

Sun In The Ninth House: Pantheon God Of Olympus Zeus

Song: Cinnamon Chasers -Luv Deluxe

For these natives the differences can be a little harder to tell, though if anything they stand out even more so than it would for a Sagittarius sun. These natives have a inspirational mind, Dexterous, and very good at micro-managing their own energies. They do suffer from a horrid resting bitch face and cannot hold their tongue when it comes to most things as they prefer to say exactly whats on their mind but this happens more unknowingly for them than it does for their sun sign counterpart. these natives share Zeus’s promiscuous nature, finding it relatively easy to move on from person to person due to the way they look at relationships being stepping stones that further them along to their perfect match. Not very often do these natives find themselves in one position for two long as they suffer from restlessness more than any fire sign or other fire house combined. to them The day is meant to be explored and often times these adventures are completely random as their desire to expand can come suddenly like a blast of cold air. They tend to also enjoy their fair share of tattoos, body augmentations, and hair dyes. Anything that allows them to heighten their experience which in many cases also includes drugs, as the natives love being able to awaken the parts of themselves unattainable during the day. They are partiers but also at times very studious. many are very dedicated to the idea of college while others drop out due to feeling they can find other ways to expand and create on their own. This native is often dualistic in the sense that they can pursue one path for some time and then completely fly off the rail and start a new path abruptly and this personality trait is something that continues as time goes on. They are very giving souls nonetheless and willingly sacrifice and support those they care about with ease be it paying for their food, letting them stay at their house or borrow their clothes. The thing is these natives are good at assessing the boundary and can very easily tell you to leave or that they want to be alone, because although they are kind they also still know their own personal needs matter just as much at the end of the day. They often inquire much about the emotional side of things because they often don’t understand the emotions of others nor what motivates their actions which is their greatest source of frustration. Their main struggle much like Zeus is Abundance Vs Accumulation. They often crowd on things for the sake of having it, but fail to find the the value or usefulness in the very things they are allowing into their life. They must learn to value the things around them otherwise it just ends up being a bunch of furniture with plastic wrap, unused and wasted. They are just as tenacious, gallant, charismatic and strong as Zeus but in hindsight they are just as rude, Oblivious and insatiable as him in their worst.

Sun In Capricorn Vs Sun In The Tenth House:

(Hades Vs Buddha)

Sun In Capricorn: Hades

song: Delilah- Touch me

If i could describe these natives in a sense i would say they are gifted with a great curse and a Mighty Blessing, and that would be their ability of seeing exactly the deeper nature of an individual without any actual spoken word. They are people readers plain and simple and a great many of them gorge themselves on their hobby of people watching. To them humanity is a big social project and one they are endlessly applying their vast many of skills in decoding. They have an inner earthiness to them that can energetically make them seem slower in their reactions but overly abundant in spirit when it comes to the more physical aspects of life. They have a very emotional relationship with success and money so often times they tend to neglect the other meats of life in favor of money which at times can leave them lonely in the midst of their success. They can have an intimidating aura, one that reaks of sadness and woe in the masculines or one that reaks of intensity and confidence in the feminines. The sun in Capricorn natives have a naturally polarizing emotional state, at times seeming calm, happy or at least passably content to more stoic, lost and emotionally unavailable the moment Saturn’s gloom sinks his teeth into them. they often times find themselves trapped in a current of weight, often times softer things like relaxation, vacations, and even moments of idle are very rarely enjoyed by these natives as often very deep within they feel intense guilt at the experience of any pleasure for too long. to these natives there is a constant nagging voice telling them to “move” and push ahead, the moment they stop the voice becomes a vicious void that can often times give these natives their well known devilish energy. These natives practice restraint subconsciously and often times limit themselves as a means of a deeper rooted paranoia that if they are truly at their best, truly free, everything will come undone. These natives have a life based upon hidden fears that have no real face but often times are tied to Saturn who nurtures the idea in them that things could go wrong at the drop of the hat and that letting ones guard down even for a moment can lead to a very painful lesson. They tend to be loving, and deeply sensitive souls but very hardly ever do they show this face. Masking and false advertising is their forte, pretending to be malicious, cool, aloof, and empty if often easier then showing their bubbly, talkative, and rather softly romantic and tender nature. Love can be a source of pain for them due to the fact that much like all who have Saturn in a prominent place, a lesson is always to be had. these natives tend to learn that love is something that is seldom on par with the level of dedication and patience they exhibit towards their own life, often times fueling their cynical view towards love as a whole. They love intently and with all of their soul, never leaving the side of their lovers but at the same time this love and loyalty comes after years upon years of work and foundation as these natives loathe intimacy or love that seems to flighty or ungrounded in it’s intent. they tend to be spiritual but this is something they grow more intune with the older they get. They tend to be caught in the struggle of maybe it'll be different this time vs already knowing the outcome. The harsh part for these natives is that they deep inside want to give people the benefit of the doubt, they want to be whimsical and naive but it is something to riddled with consequence which they already know and often times they are trapped in a tug of war of was i right to give up on this, to shut down, to close off, was i to harsh, was i to fast to do it? but often times the moment they ignore their intuition the pain is often a violent reminder that they should’ve listened to their gut. these natives much like hades understand the depth of their commitments and find dedicating themselves to things a rigor to be expected but one that is earned not just jumped into head first without proper caution. They live in the dark, ominous and heavy seated parts of life but because of them everything is in order, everything is collected and well placed as it should be.

Sun In The Tenth House: Buddha

Song: Delilah - Love you so

Sun In the Tenth housers are drastically different from their fourth house sun counterparts in the respect that where one is Pious, emotionally erratic and arrogant the other is cold, emotionally distanced and humble. These natives prefer quiet as opposed to a loud obnoxious display of the self. To them your work and actions should speak more for your character than some inflated actions or stories. They love intense encounters and often find themselves at the center of powerful people be it bad or good. they enjoy a certain level of unpredictability in thought rather than actually carried out in reality. if i could describe them i’d say they are the emotionally aware bad girl/boy. they enjoy the discretion of the social norm but also have a longing for more structure in their lives. for these natives people are only so interesting to them, once they figure them out the concept presented in getting to know the individual goes out the window. The only real intrigue to them is an ever changing situation, person or thing, anything with a predictable end is often a source of contempt for them. Emotionally they can run HOT like a supernova but then suddenly cool as if all the suns across multiple galaxies vanished into thin air leaving a stark, rigid cold. They tend to adore darkness in others only until this very darkness starts to lose it’s luster. a preference for being a savior for others is present but once again the back and forth nature of this placement and it’s obsession with the idea of disharmony yet simultaneously needing peace. they have a rather neutral perspective in life due to their fluctuating taste, and much like the Buddha they live by a strong law of what you give is what you get, what you do comes back to you and that for every action done, their is an effect waiting for it. Despite this these natives tend to be on the more mischievous side of things seeking a sort of imagined excitement that never ever seems to come. Romantically they are the type to fall hard but also the type to run from anything that is to emotionally saturated. they don’t care for love yet it always finds them anyways, the key with them is that they need it to be paced, anything rushed, anything impulsive or quickly proposed tends to push them deep in their hole. they love sensual affection and touch and often love to place their hands on everything and anything, to feel it in their palms, on their skin, in their hair...they eat up the environment like it were the sea making waves around them. Often times they can have a melancholic sense of humor and seem rather out of touch with their surroundings at times. They prefer loneliness as opposed to bad company and at times the bad company in their eyes is the entirety of human society. They can seem pretentious, Mean, and wildly judgmental with their sharp tongue but if you listen closely at times these natives speak truths you yourself know are true but are not ready to accept. i often call these natives fortune tellers as they speak in foreshadowing tones that allude to future happenings. They often struggle with the heart vs the head. at times they live so much in their mind that the longings of their heart feel like weird wire entanglements that they are not familiar with. They know their heart longs for things but their mind for the life of them can never really make sense of it, to them its all a bunch of gibberish but it often is why they always feel that internal and eternal missing in their lives, as if something should be there but never really is.

Sun In Aquarius Vs Sun In The Eleventh House:

(Goddess of Death Hela Vs Moon God Lilith)

Song: SHYGIRL - Freak

So today we speak on one of the most complex and virtually paradoxical sun signs to date, Aquarius suns. These natives are well deserving of their rather multi-layered face, often times seeming like a box with never ending compartments and staircases leading to new basements and by theory new worlds and realities. Often times their level of competency can fly between intellectually dualistic to emotionally dualistic. They can seem like they understand you and at times the depth of this understanding would surprise you despite their seemingly detached nature. Despite this more soft side of their ego make no mistake their god complex is sitting eerily close to the surface. Unlike Gemini suns, there is no second face in the water bearer rather their is only this continuous current that fluctuates between a heavy stream of a light stream and which stream you get depends solely on the level of intellectual enticement the Aquarius sun native can glimpse within you. There is an apparent darkness in these natives but it’s mainly due to their co-rulership of saturn dancing with the erratic demon uranus. These two planets complete each other but they also tug at one another strings in a rather violent and stormy like way, causing a strange ground up and sky to floor motion in these natives moods. One moment they can be rebellious, restless, goofy and rather unbothered and the next moment they can seem stoic, impersonal, detached and down right moody. they love proving others wrong but they also take a great pride in watching a stance someone has held so tightly in pride come crashing down once the sun in Aquarius native corrects them. they take great pride in their mental dexterity but at times can be overwhelmed by the constant and never ending current of thought. They have a tendency to come across as hardheaded and hellbent on their way being the right way as they often despite their airy nature are still intensely fixed. that being said they are deeply curious of society and the world around them, often taking time to learn and study the varying cultures and systems in the immediate environment as well as the environment as others. very many tend to find themselves drawn to humanitarian pursuits albeit a bit shy at first in many cases due to the fact that they themselves don’t always understand their pull to the collective. These natives tend to be loners contrary to belief and find it very difficult at times to cope with their occasional existential crisis as they often find that they don’t really relate or connect to the world or time frame they happen to be apart of. They at times like the idea of being misunderstood while other times they wish atleast one person could peer into their mind and document their beautiful and uniquely grafted mental space but that would be far to available for their liking. Making friends is something that seems like a powerful need for these natives and often times something they struggle with as they often find that they confuse friendship and romance. often projecting more romantic/relationship tendencies on their friendships and projecting more friendship/acquaintance tendencies on their romantic relationships. They do enjoy the idea of being in love or being emotionally connected to others but in a lot of ways they don’t really understand it as much as they’d want to. they tend to in a similar fashion as Hela deem themselves as higher beings who happen to be misunderstood. they view themselves as starving intellects who the world neglects in favor of stupidity and mental stagnancy, a stagnancy that the Aquarius suns believe they can rescue the world from if they listened to them.. Their greatest battle lay in the concept of wisdom vs Virtue. They see these things as separate ideologies, often presented as fallacies rather than something applicable, to them wisdom is unreliable due to the fact that simply knowing something or how it may pan out does not necessarily omit outside factors that alter this variable, and virtue in itself seems like something self assured, but in their eyes something self assured is also prone to change due to the unstable base it is presented upon. so they tend to struggle with letting themselves go to the unknown presented in spirituality, which is often the missing piece to their puzzle. Many of these natives tend to be bisexual, that being said any sign can be bisexual or gay, or so on, the case is that with Aquarius suns, they have such a deeply set ambiguous eternal self that can at times find that it relates more to the energy of others than it does the physical body, especially since for these natives sex and love are not hand in hand as much as mind and body are.

Sun In The Eleventh House: The Moon God Lilith

Song: SHYGIRL - Rude

These natives are very unique in the sense that dare i say this is the darkest position for the sun to be in. It creates a tug a war, between the sun and itself as nothing more than a cold white glow. They are charismatic and open, but closed and mysterious. on a hand they can seem welcoming and so entrancing in their approaches, seeming as if they adore the crowd but if you really see them they are intense, perplexed, to themselves and endlessly distrustful. A good word for them is willful and Loudly willful at that. They will not and cannot be moved without their own desire and often times the source of what moves them is unknown to them as well. a complicated requiem of pain swirls within them but the source often alludes them as it stems for a combination of things that have moved around like chess pieces in a chess game with no players in seat. They experience pain but they never claim it rather its seated somewhere and moved around again and again until it origin is blurry to the natives. Pompous at times with their beliefs they are well being, they have an obsessive nature with friendships often deeming them to hold seniority above most things, at times seeing them as extensions of their own ego. the less they understand amongst their friends the weaker they feel. loving them can be complicated as they are always evolving, changing and dying off ridding pieces of themselves as if they were spring cleaning their souls. They do deal with their darker sides mainly because unlike most of us these natives skeletons never really do go in the closet rather they stand loud and proud in the face of the native so they can face them. They tend to be sensitive but also adaptable so the sensitivity can seem elusive as they tend to firmly glue shut the smallest weakness in themselves the moment it is introduced. They value the feelings of others more then even their own at times but there is often a nice balance between their care for others and the care they have for themselves. They can seem unnerving and captivating as their energy tends to feel like a sultry, in control and rather sophisticated energy though they may not recognize it within themselves. They often times fly in and out of asexuality and this deals more with their emotional state if anything. they at times don’t connect to other people in the way we all do, they see the physical beyond it’s self which can at times cause complete disconnect during moments of intimacy or sex. They often battle the idea of am i complete vs am i incomplete. they never truly know if they have all the pieces aligned and much like Lilith they often times feel an innate need to find the truth, to rebel and quarrel until it all makes sense. they can seem nomadic and ruthless because of this due to the fact that they are willing to do whatever it takes to fuel their desire for self discovery. gender roles and social constraints bore them often times and this makes them feel tense and confined when they are in an overly oppressive or traditional environment

Sun In Pisces Vs Sun In The Twelfth House:

( The God Of Creation Brahma Vs Jesus Christ, Son Of God)

Sun In Pisces: The God Of Creation Brahma

Song :Sevdaliza - Dormant

Much Like A dark sea, with waves reaching the clouds and dancing with visible silent but reverberating shocks of light in the sky these natives present a wildly pretty, yet ominous duplicity within their soft and gooey disposition. They can seem rather intangible, yet despite their hard to grasp wetness they can see you, read you and be inside of you like water and dissipate like fog before your very eyes. They are insanely sensitive but unlike the other water signs they are also every other sun sign dressed as one. They have many traits, they carry the impulsive nature of Aries, the sensual and rather harmonious nature of Taurus, the duality and wit of Gemini, The soft and protective nurturing of Cancer, the Amorousness and rather playfully romantic nature of Leo, the Calculated, yet realistic side of Virgo though they fight it.., the Co-dependent yet charming nature of Libra, The emotional intensity and depth of Scorpio, The gun-ho, and rather Flighty nature of Sagittarius, the steady and rigid side of Capricorn, and the Eccentric and rather erratic momentum of Aquarius. thats what makes them so terrifying, they are all things but also nothing at all in theory, a Pisces sun is a reflection of you, their environment, they in theory have no one set manner of being. These natives have a way of seeming completely present, so totally engulfed in you but once reality catches up with them they can seemingly turn into smoke, vanishing into thin air as if they never truly felt anything to begin with. What happened? well Pisces suns are very dualistic in nature, one fish dives in recklessly and the other fish brings them both back to reality and slows things down. Pisces do not readily settle down nor do they readily make any commitments to others be it friends, lovers and even family. everything means more to a Pisces native so they often times need plenty of time to think of the many options, possibilities and outcomes even if they don’t have a clear idea of what they may look like. they tend to be heavily compassionate but can struggle with creating boundaries between their woes and the woes of others. at times they see pain as a shared experience rather than a mission to be experienced solely with the self. in masculines this energy is HARD to handle. it can cause them to get drowned in the Neptune pool, often times making them liars, unstable or emotionally unavailable. in the feminine energy they tend to handle it well though in both energy types the flighty rather slippery side of them is always present, they can seem like they are dodging you or running away but in reality they just shift in and out of feelings like changing currents. they are deeply spiritual and many tie themselves to the unknown as if they were birthed from it. They believe in a higher space, that all things flow in the direction they must with or without intervention. They fear evil in others and often try to save and rescue those who’ve lost their way but many learn overtime that saving is at times not different from enabling. Their biggest fight is flight vs confrontation. These natives much like the god Brahma Are capable of creating and putting together projects and parts of the world in ways that would make all the gods jealous. they have a hand for beauty and making things however they must in a beautifully designed manner...that being said they often shy away from people and things that are good for them due to their fear of themselves and others. deep down they fear the idea of being seen completely as it means all of those 12 faces must fade and the fish must truly present all the parts of itself and thats often when they try to swim away. They fear the concept of being totally seen, totally embraced in the same manner that they do others because then they would have to acknowledge their weakness, Love, receiving honest love scares them as to them the camera is finally on them.

Sun In The twelfth House: Jesus Christ, Son Of God

Song: Sevdaliza - wallflower

We now come to the last of the houses. These Natives have an abundance of mist that shrouds them, much like a cloak or a long blast of light from the heavens surrounding them in its glow. They don’t normally stand out, many times having a rather passive and calm demeanor, seeming polite but not overly open nor connected. Though upon further inspection one can clearly make out their rather attentive eye for human emotion and human desire. they can seemingly pin point the sorrow in others, the dreams, the level of comfort one seeks and once they have scoped it out they often adapt to the particular need in question. See for them it’s more about creating an air of easy peace and the best way to do that is complete neutrality via adaptability. They often times remove all the traits associated with their sun sign and wear a veil, dare is say they become a spitting image of Jesus christ, suddenly they are able to collectively calm the crowd with little to no effort besides a few well placed personality augmentations to fit everyone's individual levels of comfort. They radiate a sadness, a deep sadness that is often glossed over with a false happiness, a ominously passive good natured state of passivity as to not allude to the rather turbulent well of waves and storms going on behind the scenes. Sleeping and a constant state of tiredness often plagues these natives, their energy often always seems half full even if they got a days full of sleep. They never truly feel at 100% which can at times give off a irritable or tired vibe to them. They tend to handle stress well but at the same time they usually can only do one emotion at a time, meaning that much of their inner feelings get compartmentalized into manageable spaces as to not cause them any issue. they like love, but they don’t have boundaries necessary to differentiate being used from being loved. at times they can purposely seek out bad things for them in order to feel needed but in reality they are ensuring that they never really feel happy because deep down they feel it is their fate to take on someone else baggage. They tend to be terrified of good people, stable people, as they represent a missing aspect within themselves. they often push away the good ones in favor of the bad ones because ultimately choosing to be with someone who actually cares about them means they would have to learn to care about themselves which is often something they are not ready to do. Self love is the fear for these natives as it involves uncluttering their inner psyche which is already damaged beyond what they think they can even repair. The struggle here is often do i love me Vs should i even love me? they often times view self love as selfish and deem it as an unnecessary virtue but at the same time they view it as a needed acceptance. hating themselves and self punishment is an easy go to for them because it removes accountability but in the end it always comes back and leaves a wave of carnage in it’s wake. much like Jesus these natives are sacrificing, enduring and deeply of strong faith in humanity but.. humanity always makes endless wounds, and scars in these natives..as they often get to see the worst sides of human nature as they grow mistaking their numbness for compassion. In reality they are kind and loving but this is often a defense mechanism rather than a state of just being.

Hope you guys enjoy!

#mine #sun in the houses

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