#people just be unrealistic in their standards and miserable

[canisalbus]

hello!! i’ve always wondered what kind of traumas vasco holds himself. i know machete can be very particular (e.g. touching/personal space) , but what are some things maybe machete does to make vasco more comfortable out of just their pure love for each other? like, for example - assume vasco maybe has a hard time keeping up with personal hygiene , or maybe machete is just a lot more clean and neat than vasco is , so machete is always folding his clothes to his own standards and reminding him to wash his fur after a while of going about weekly things , since machete himself probably washes every so often just to brush out matts in his fur .

love your art btw!! :3

He really doesn't like being told what to do. His father was keen on molding Vasco into his own image and his mother was overbearing and overprotective. He was their only son (youngest child, he has two older twin sisters) and as such a lot of pressure and unrealistic expectations were placed on him. He has a tendency to rebel against authorities, especially those who use their power and status to make life miserable for people below them. He has hard time accepting advice and doesn't listen if someone shows up to explain him how he should live his life. One of the ways Machete occasionally gets on his nerves is his constant need to be in control of everything going on around him, which means he often ends up attempting to (well-meaningly) manage Vasco as well. Eventually he figures out Vasco isn't very receptive to outside guidance and usually tries to give him room to do things his own way, even if it's not the "correct" way he would prefer to handle them.

Machete has many health anxieties and once Vasco becomes a fixed part of his life he starts to worry about his wellbeing as well. Like many floppy eared dogs, Vasco has a history of dealing with recurring ear infections, especially when he was very young. Antibiotics weren't available yet so the most effective way to treat them was puncturing the ear drum and letting the accumulated fluid and pus drain out. It was painful and scary and left Vasco with a lasting aversion and distrust for medicine and doctors. He's the kind of person that resists seeking treatment even when they're clearly ill or injured and just tries to shrug it off and wait it out. Luckily he's rarely sick and the scuffs and bruises he gets from being an active and outdoorsy person heal fairly quickly. Nowadays he's very careful about drying and airing out his ear canals properly when they get wet, in hopes of minimizing the chances of another infection. He also cleans them regularly, or lets Machete help with that.

He can be a bit disorganized and overly spontaneous, which can manifest as certain sense of chaoticness. Machete does end up subtly and discreetly picking up after him, planning ahead and going the extra mile to make sure Vasco's life goes as smoothly as possible, usually in ways Vasco doesn't even notice. The clothing part was an apt everyday example, Vasco has a habit of disrobing quickly and carelessly and leaving his (expensive and expertly tailored) garments on the floor or draped across furniture and sooner or later Machete will collect them and fold them neatly for him.

[starry-eyed-extraterrestrial]

Talking about the Mötley Crüe tarot cards, and how perfectly they fit with each of the members cause I haven't seen anybody talk about this yet.

Nikki,the Devil - I think this one is pretty self explanatory. The devil (upright) represents addiction, oppression, dependency and powerlessness and this fits so well with young Nikki who was strung out on heroin and powerless in the face of his addiction.

The devil reversed however represents independence, freedom, release and the reclaiming of one's power which is perfect for older Nikki who gets over his addiction and reforms and metamorphosizes into a far better human being.

It's kinda funny because Nikki is the only one who's card has a more positive connotation when in reverse but I think this also represents how Nikki's life only really started looking up when he got older and kicked his addiction.

Vince , the sun - the sun upright represents confidence, optimism and success and Vince is obviously very confident and optimistic in his daily life and all of them are obviously very successful because of Mötley crüe.

The sun reversed though means pessimism, conceitedness and unrealistic expectations. When things don't immediately go Vince's way he becomes sulky and miserable, and things usually only don't go his way because he has unrealistic expectations, he either holds people or himself to too high a standard and gets fucked because they or he obviously couldn't live up to said expectation.

Vince can also be conceited he's very vain and empathises his self importance often throughout their entire career, and this fact has bit him in the ass multiple times.

 Tommy , The Lovers - I know his card technically only says “the lover” but no such card exists, so I assume they just based it off the lovers which represents love (duh), balance, unity and choices.

Tommy has a lot of love to give and hands it out in spades to anybody who he's even passively liked or talking to. He also definitely brings a balance to the band that isn't talked about enough, in the early days he was definitely the middle ground for any spats between Nikki and Vince, listening and comforting them both in his own way and being fair by not picking a side and just hearing them out until he could eventually calm Nikki down and explain the situation better from Vince's point of view and vice versa. He also unionises the guys by by being this comfortable loving presence that's usually so understanding.

The lovers in reverse however means disharmony/chaos, imbalance and bad choices. We all know Tommy can be a very chaotic force to be reckoned with and this can cause imbalance in the established relationships that he has with the other members because yes he's quick to love, he's also quick to hate and sometimes without warning with how quickly his mood can change which can lead to a lot of confusion and disharmony. Also I don't need to tell you that Tommy has made some bad decisions in his life.

Mick , the magician - this card upright means willpower, resourcefulness, skill, and manifestation.

I've never seen a man with more willpower than Mick Mars who continued just doing the thing that he loves despite the pain and all the times he thought he wouldn't make it. He is extremely resourceful, in fact his resources were the only way they funded Mötley at the very beginning and he very clearly is a skilled guitar player.

The magician in reverse means cunning, wasted talent and deception/illusion.

Mick has always been open in his overwhelming determination to have a successful band and I think he's definitely screwed a few people over in his life because of this fact (like Mötley's rhythm guitarist and he definitely deprived his own children time with him because of this).

I don't think Mick wasted his talent, but if he got too comfortable in his suburban lifestyle then he definitely would have (and according to the dirt, he almost did).

Idk, this post probably won't interest anybody, but I just thought I should bring this up and explain how I saw why they picked the cards for the members.

[uncloseted]

Did u like the Barbie movie? I feel bad bc I really liked it, I think it just spoke to me personally at the stage in my life I'm in, but people say it's like surface level feminism so I'm like should I be willing to critique it more idk you know?

I haven't seen it yet but I'm dying to! I've been so excited for it but I've also been super sick for the last week so I haven't gotten out to the theater yet.

In general, though, my view on it is that a win is a win. Barbie made $377 million in its opening weekend, making it the biggest debut ever for a film directed by a woman. It's the biggest opening this year, surpassing The Super Mario Bros Movie and every Marvel film released this year. It's reportedly the biggest debut for a comedic film ever. And it's a movie made by women, for women, about women. That's an insanely huge win for women in the film industry and films centering women, which have historically been derided as unprofitable. It's cause for celebration.

Is Greta Gerwig giving Judith Butler or Gloria Steinem levels of feminist critique? Of course not. But like, respectfully to all of those people who are mad about it, fuck off. Nobody is ever mad at the Marvel movies for being about socio-political issues but not delving into them deeply enough, but for some reason the Barbie movie has to be a treatise on feminism? It's not meant to be a three and a half hour long exploration of female frustration that you can only watch in French. It's meant to be a fun, campy, blockbuster movie, and that's what it is.

Frankly, anything more than what it's giving would be alienating to a mass audience and would contribute to the idea that women's films are unprofitable and not worth funding. Already, it's feminist content is making a ton of men very angry, and as dumb as it is, the reality is that that kind of anger has a very real impact on box office sales and future decision making. There's a reason Captain Marvel is largely absent from the other Marvel films, and there's a reason that almost nobody has seen the entirety of Jeanne Dielman, 23 Commerce Quay, 1080 Brussels (including me, despite many attempts). When you're creating pop culture, you have to meet the culture where it's at, not where you wish it was. And I think Greta Gerwig seems to have done a really great job of threading that needle. People who were expecting more from the Barbie movie were being unrealistic about what it could or would be able to do.

And not to be on a whole thing, but this constant rejection of all media is one of the reasons people find feminists and leftists on the internet so insufferable. Nothing is ever good enough. Everything has to be critiqued to death and nothing can just be enjoyed for what it is (unless it's like, the worst media possible, in which case it's a perfect masterpiece of feminist critique). It makes for a group of people who are constantly miserable because nothing can ever live up to their standards of ideological purity, and it makes for a group of people that alienates the creators that are on their side. I know it's out of fashion to be an incrementalist these days, and sure, let's smash the patriarchy, but the more we support movies like the Barbie movie, the more other female directors will get the chance to tell the stories that they want to tell, and the more likely it is that we'll see a film on the big screen that does interact with feminism in a deep and nuanced way. Maybe Greta Gerwig will tell that story, even. But she's not going to get to (or want to) if everyone jumps all over her for not being feminist enough, you know? I think in this case, everyone just needs to enjoy the fun. I promise it's good for our souls and for the feminist movement as a whole.

Edit: also, apologies if this was way more intensity than you were expecting. I just have a lot of feelings 😭

[gritsandbrits]

I agree people can be really ungrateful they really have unrealistic standard on animation i don't think disney gotta stop with their animation but hey they critique anything

They don't hold studios on the same level of accountability they do the writers and artists. It's just a lot of meanness going around and i don't like it and then cartoontwt is insanely miserable

[amitsaini012]

Top 20 Reasons to Hate Computer Science

Computer science is often glorified as a promising, lucrative field full of opportunities. However, the reality is that CS has many downsides that can make it an unpleasant career path. Though CS skills are in high demand and jobs pay well, the work itself can be unsatisfying and mentally taxing. Many programmers burn out quickly due to the stresses of the job. While CS careers are hyped up, there are legitimate reasons why someone may dislike or even hate computer science. This article will examine 20 top reasons why computer science isn't always the amazing field it's made out to be.

1. Sitting at a desk all day

Programmers often work long hours seated at a computer with poor posture. This leads to health issues like weight gain, carpal tunnel syndrome, and back problems.

2. Lack of work-life balance

Startup and tech cultures often encourage long work weeks with no real separation between work and personal life. Work-life balance is crucial for mental health but rarely found in CS.

3. Stressful project deadlines

Project deadlines pile stress onto already demanding jobs. Unreasonable deadlines force programmers to rush and cut corners, harming code quality.

4. Constant need to learn new languages and frameworks 

New languages and tools emerge constantly, so programmers must study just to keep skills current. The need for continuous learning is mentally tiring.

5. Little social interaction 

Programming requires long hours of solitary focus. Introverts may like this, but after awhile, limited human interaction can become dreary.

6. Open floor office environments

Open floor plans in tech offices lack privacy. Programmers must concentrate despite noise and distractions.

7. Marginalization and discrimination

The tech world is dominated by men. Women and minorities face discrimination, marginalization, stereotypes, and lack of opportunity.

8. Long debugging hours 

Debugging is unavoidable but frustrating. Tracking down bugs in code can waste hours or even days of productivity.

9. Dealing with non-technical people

Programmers must communicate and explain technical details to managers and clients who don't understand the technology.

10. Complex problems 

Computer science tackles challenging problems. While stimulating, these problems also lead to headaches when solutions elude programmers.

11. Never being able to switch off 

Programmers' skills are always in demand. It's hard to stop thinking about code or unplug from technology completely.

12. Occupational hazards 

Besides health issues from sedentary work, programmers risk eye strain, headaches, and repetitive strain injuries like carpal tunnel syndrome.

13. Competition for jobs 

Programming jobs are scarce in some regions and ultra competitive in others, especially at top tech companies. Programming skill alone isn't enough to get hired.

14. Age discrimination

Youth dominates tech culture. Programmers face age discrimination when looking for jobs, especially over age 40.

15. Outsourcing 

Tech jobs are frequently outsourced overseas or given to lower-paid immigrants under work visas. This limits opportunities.

16. Keeping up with changes 

New languages, frameworks, standards, and tools emerge constantly. Keeping skills current in a fast-paced industry is challenging.

17. Low value work 

Not all programming work is meaningful or challenging. Boring maintenance projects and rote coding tasks still need doing.

18. Toxic work environments 

Hostile colleagues, unrealistic expectations, and high-pressure cultures at some tech companies make work miserable.

19. Lack of creativity 

Not all programming involves innovation and creativity. Production support and maintenance tasks are more mechanical.

20. Sitting inside on nice days 

Programmers can't always enjoy nice weather since they spend days and nights planted inside in front of computers.

Conclusion

While the high salaries and demand for programmers makes CS look attractive, the reality doesn't always align with expectations. As illustrated by these 20 reasons, computer science comes with many downsides. Long hours, discrimination, stress, health risks, tedious tasks, and the need for continuous learning make CS taxing. Problems like bugs, complex tasks, outsourcing, and toxic workplaces also frustrate programmers. The highly competitive nature of coding jobs makes careers more difficult to attain. Even on a day to day basis, programmers miss out on enjoying life outside because they're trapped sitting inside at computers. Though rewarding at times, CS isn't a career path suited for everyone. Prospective programmers should weigh pros and cons carefully before committing to this often challenging field.

[anangelofheaven]

Sermon 2

Another Sunday has me thinking about telling people the good news. What good news is that, you might ask? I sum it up this way:

It's not that bad.

That's what listening to God comes down to; realizing that as bad as what you're going through, it could always be worse, and that hope remains, no matter how slim a margin.

People can be in good situations and be miserable, or miserable situations and feel good. It all comes down to whether they can see cause to be grateful and to hope.

And as anyone who's been in truly desperate straits, like many of the souls here in Pandemonium, might tell you, you should be grateful just to draw breath.

Few of us want to suffer. But even fewer want to die. Most who say they do, just want the pain to stop.

And when it's when we set aside all of our own thinking, and instead listen to God, to our deep feelings, that we realize much of the pain we suffer is optional.

We stay at our bad jobs. We stick with our toxic relationships. We beat ourselves up over our past. We're the ones forcing unrealistic expectations on others, setting standards of wealth and prosperity, raging when they aren't achieved and then feeling guilty, sinful, wrong about the rage.

We are our own demons. Most of the torments we suffer, our own thoughts and choices inflict on us.

So what's the opposite; what is listening to God?

Listening to God means setting aside every single expectation of others and of our action's outcomes, and realizing that so long as we follow His example, we are doing right. We are good. We're loved.

As I said in the prior sermon, we have to let go. Once we've let go, we need to let ourselves accept that we are good enough.

How to be good is simple: Be good. That's it. As a famous philosopher once said, "Stop worrying about how to be a good person, and be one."

In most cases, we know the good thing to do. We know how to speak to others, how to be kind, how to apologize when we make mistakes. We know how to trust and we also know when not to trust. God doesn't just impel us toward good action; He also warns us when something doesn't feel right.

That's the good news, everyone. You're good enough and you've got the tools to continue to be good enough.

The past doesn't matter. The future is in His hands. The present, belongs entirely to you.

It's wonderful, unique, and, best of all, it's your chance to be good. Use it. Love it. Share that love in all you do and are.

[kickingupdust]

Virtual Diary Entry #19

I am done wishing for things. I am not done wanting but I am done wishing. Wishes do not come true. I have known that since I was 5 years old sitting in the back of my moms mini van staring out the window wishing I would somehow be adopted. That I would somehow be taken from my mom. Wishes do not come true. There is no point in even making them. I am the only one that can make my life happen. All this new age spirituality bullshit is deluding my mentally ill brain into thinking that I can ask and just receive. It doesn't work like that at all. Work your fucking ass off and make some money and buy what you want. That's how you receive it. Maybe in some other life where I didn’t live in a capitalist consumerist society things would be different. But what is even the point of wondering if things were different? I can just make them different. 

I am so angry lately. Just extremely angry and dissatisfied. I need to get out of this house; my dad doesnt like to feel incapable or lesser than and living with me makes him feel that way. It blows up every couple months, and its about due time for a fight. 

I wont be having a fight because I do not want to, so I wont. I am sick of being surrounded by miserable people who do not even realize that they are the source of their own misery. 

I am sick of the financial abuse and being kept on a leash for fear that my family will tame my son away, They can fucking take him, I dont care anymore. I will get him back if they take him. I am so fucking sick and tired of the culture my family raises kids up in. It is unrealistic and idealized and ridiculous. They make you feel like you can achieve anything, so long as yourea achieving by their standards. If you have a skill that they dont see as useful or valuable then YOU are not useful or valuable. And they place alot of bets on being useful and valuable. 

Its not hard to feel useless and valueless in this family. 

If anything, I should be grateful. In exchange for limitless emotional suffering, I can be financially supported. For the most part. Most of the time. Sometimes daddy has to make sure I am reminded of how much he does and how little he’s gotten to do with his life. And I find myself thinking and feeling the same things about my own son. I am trying to break the cycle but it seems like no matter what, I keep getting sucked back into it. It is so hard. Just to exist is so difficult. I dont know what else to do. Less thinking more doing less thinking more doing less thinking more doing less thinking more doing less thinking more doing less thinking more doing less thinking more doing less thinking more doing less thinking more doing less thinking more doing less thinking more doing less thinking more doing less thinking more doing less thinking

[softedgessculptures]

𓅯

I'm tired. I want a real boyfriend, who exists... I'm monogamous to the height and don't see myself dating a person and self-shipping with famous idol/fictional character at the same time. Maybe I'm too traditional or boring, but that's not the point of this matter. I think I'll stop before I get worse, because from the moment I consume a lot of literary content and fall in love with unrealistic standards, I get more and more demanding.... or very selective, so to speak. And what's the point? It turns out that than I go on to hold myself to such high standards, looking for a partner as in tales or romantic ideals, where: what do I have to offer?

High standards of romance, while I don't even have someone to fall in love with me. I have no beauty or money. What good is it for me to see perfect couples, in love, with money on romantic expensive trips, and want the same? I need to see my reality and understand that God did not make me to end up like them, that some are just born and die happy and others are not. And I am the "others." What good is it for me to dream and wait so long... I need to stop this. To dream where I am happy and loved, and then dealing with reality where none of this occurs makes me more and more unhappy.

I created unrealistic patterns. An unreal love. A fairy tale that doesn't exist for people like me. Hey, I want to be a princess too... I want to marry a lovely prince who loves me... But for that, I need a lot of money. Either I kill myself from studying and working to become middle class ((or to have what a poor person has in a first world country)) or I kill myself from working to go to a first world country and go through difficulties, away from my family... finally.

I must accept that I'm not like the happy couples of social media, the hc who write for the characters I like, or the movies. That I was born to be miserable and take what I deserve.

[justkenz]

Well, I’m an ugly girl at age 15. It’s my birthday today. But I like to consider myself a polite, funny person. But still, no girls even look my direction unless they’re making fun of me. How can I improve my looks and make women like me? I am all alone all the time, and I feel so miserable. Why do women have such high standards for other women? Hell, I don’t even have any friends. I’ll be home alone on my birthday all day today, besides for sitting miserable and alone at school. It’s an injustice for both me and other women who can’t get girlfriends. What is with the high standards, fellow lesbian? Just a question..

Hey, happy belated birthday! You are beautiful just the way you are, you just might not have found the right groups of friends, or people for you yet! You still have lots of time and things will get better! However, some people also just have really unrealistic/high standards and if you don't meet those then they aren't the right person for you! Never change yourself to try and fit into someone else mould! Hang in there!

[fleur-marigold]

I’ve been seeing some talk about communication around lately, and since it’s a topic that’s ever-evolving and gets better and better the more consciousness we raise around it, I’m throwing my hat in! I’ve been both people in this comic countless times and I’m really happy to have learned this toolset to be where I am now, so I hope they can be of some help to someone else out there. 💚💖

❗ EDIT: IMPORTANT CONTEXT - PLEASE READ BEFORE COMMENTING ❗

this post was made in response to another post I saw on communication, that felt really hurtful because it appeared to be placing a very heavy and unfair amount of blame on neurodivergent or behaviourally challenged people who struggle with interacting with others. though I see how it may appear that way given the specifity of the examples given (which are specific and direct responses to the ones shown in the other comic mentioned), my intent here was by no means to do the same: it was to reintroduce the idea of communication being a mutual effort, that requires consciousness, care and consideration from all parties involved.

because once again: I have been both people in this comic.

additionally, this was not written as a “guide” or “instruction on how to friendship” of any kind. it was made to highlight some examples of struggles I’ve experienced while interacting with others, and what specific, practical tools and mindsets I found helpful with overcoming them. not every bond has to look like this, and friendship is not ‘hopeless’ for you if it doesn’t -- but if you are struggling with the things described in this comic, these are just some suggestions on how to navigate them based on personal experience!

lastly, I am not attempting to ‘commodify friendship’ or anything of the sort.  if this all sounds like too much work, way too complicated or just an ‘unrealistic’ standard of communication to you, that’s fine. but having been someone who has experienced (and hence been very damaged by) some very notably unhealthy bonds in my life, I felt it was really, very important that I allowed my experiences a voice in the wider conversation. (which is about the only thing preventing me from deleting this post altogether, given how miserable it has made my notifications tab.)

because while talking about friendship, about how important and natural it is for us to be allowed to inconvenience, trouble and even burden our friends as a token of how much we mean to one another, I feel it is also incredibly vital to keep the context of hurtful and even abusive relationships in mind as we do so, and all of the complications that can arise when we trouble each other in careless, manipulative or even intentional ways -- hence, why it is so important to me that open hearted, compassionate and mindful communication be something that is very transparently at the centre of the conversation, and, whatever form it happens to come in, considered as a vital aspect of ultimately connecting with one another in meaningful and transformative ways.

however, it appears my thoughts on the broader subject may be too nuanced for me to have tried to fit into a silly little comic on the internet... I’m not even doing a very good job of summarizing it here, to be honest. so if I could ask that you, on your end, put this post through a bit of an ‘accounting for the inherent miscommunication of important subjects caused by personal distance and internet driven anonymity’ filter of your own before leaving rude, hurtful, dismissive or accusatory comments or replies in my notifications, that would really mean the world to me as an extremely socially anxious individual.

if, on the other hand, you’ve found this post helpful, insightful or meaningful, I’m really glad, and thanks for reading!! I would really urge that instead of taking my word for it, though, you go read “Nonviolent Communication” cover-to-cover if you’re really interested in the subject!! it does SUCHHH a better job at communicating (heh) this whole idea than I could ever hope to, seriously.

thanks!!

[hermajestyimher]

This post is a continuation of my previous piece on how the old money and the recently rich people behave in different ways.

Recently I was listening to a podcast episode of one of my all-time intellectual heroes, Sam Harris, that involved a conversation surrounding wealth, what it means to be wealthy, and its relation to happiness. So many great insights were shared in the episode. But the thing that stood out for me the most was this idea that as a culture we are currently moving the goal-post to what it means to be wealthy, and how only by attaining that level of perceived money we can then feel happy and fulfilled.

As social creatures, we often look at our peers and the people around us and make judgments about how well they seem to be doing in life and how we measure up to that idea we've created in our heads about them or that they've tried to sell to us. If we feel we are doing worse than them, we begin to question ourselves and feel inadequate in life, leading to feelings of anxiety, lack of conformity, and depression. And all of this has been amplified thanks to our uncontrolled access to social media and the never-ending algorithmic stream of the highlight and fake real.

Our standards for what it means to be rich and our expectations for when we want this wealth to materialize in our lives have been set in a completely unrealistic, simplified, and overtly glorified way. And the worst part of it all is that the reason many people believe they want to achieve a particular level of wealth or power doesn't stem from any intrinsic desire, but from a need to impress others. Effectively rendering themselves slaves to the perceptions and opinions of others. A very miserable and exhausting way to live life.

Think about the time when you were a child, you lacked social media and your view of the world was driven by a sense of curiosity. You did not feel any pressure to meet a specific societal standard to prove any points. You were just existing and experiencing life as it came. Newer experiences, people, and places, all brought great joy. Think about how our current culture makes us feel like we need to be in a constant rat race to the top, never being in the present moment and enjoying the fruits of what we've worked for up to that point, but always wanting and needing more. The latter mind frame is so unhealthy for us that it is physically and mentally tearing us down; it's driving certain people to bankruptcy and ruining lives.

The podcast episode mentioned something that I've always believed to be the case when discussing wealth, and that is that for many of us, wealth is not about having the most material gains to flaunt; but about having the freedom to experience life without being bound by financial burdens. Wealth is about that excess money that you have sitting in bonds, stocks, and other investment vehicles that are generating you more income. It is not about the fancy car or house that is costing you above your means to maintain and keeping you in a financially dreading loophole. Wealth is about freedom, and you could never be free if you live your life enslaved to the idea that you must impress and please others (others who do not care about you in the slightest, and that oftentimes you do not even like).

Breaking from that toxic mindset is your choice and responsibility, but knowing that we don't have to conform to what seems societally "normal" when it is harming us is a freeing experience in and of itself.

[doverstar]

Still not fully understanding why people continue to behave as though Chrissy doesn't like her life at all. Okay, we know her mom is emotionally abusive. It's implied her dad is no help. But she has a little brother, and she's captain of the cheer squad, and she seems to enjoy cheerleading. Her boyfriend (I have said this in so many ways so many times) does not actually seem abusive or evil until he snaps after she dies, so that can't be miserable either. She has things in her life that don't all make her unhappy, right? Like. Why are we acting like what Chrissy wants to do deep down inside is smoke weed and run away from home? She comes from a comfortably-well-off family (so it seems), she has friends, she has a life outside of the hardships at home and without the Vecna visions, the only things I can think of for her to be struggling with are her self-image issues and her abusive mother. And absolutely, abusive moms are a lot for a teenager to deal with (for anyone to deal with). Self-image issues are a real problem, especially for adolescents. Yes. But lots of people (if not ALL PEOPLE) struggle with the latter, and I don't get the impression from many of them that they hate their lives. I would understand why Chrissy suddenly gets overwhelmed or fed up with her problems and it all comes to a head when the Vecna visions start, for sure. But that she hates her life? All of it? That's not realistic. Or that her friendships and her social status are something she doesn't want? You're telling me she's a teenager in the 80's and she doesn't want people to like her and admire her? She doesn't want to be popular? Doesn't care about getting good grades, doesn't like her big house and white picket fence? Doesn't like the boyfriend with the perfect smile who can sweet-talk the entire student body? Doesn't like dressing nice and having people envy her? Miss me with that. She's not shallow. She's not rude or self-serving or the type to wield that popularity against others. We saw that she's a sweetheart (not mean and scary) and genuinely well-liked (look how many peers showed up to/were crying at her funeral). Grace Van Dien has said she considers the character to be "a cinnamon roll". So she's not a jerk, but it's unrealistic to assume (I mean, to me) that Chrissy feels trapped in a seemingly-perfect life. Most girls would kill to have what she has - money, friends, nice clothes, a boyfriend, the leader of the cheer squad.

I think what Chrissy does want deep down inside is some peace. To feel loved and safe. With no pressure. I think Chrissy likes the vast majority of her life. I think she's content with it because it's what she knows. Maybe everyone does have high standards for her and that is rough, but it's not something that would naturally make her want to introspectively implode and leave everything behind. It's just something she probably wishes were different. She might have an eating disorder, yes, and that's not good. (Never fully confirmed, but I'm not against the headcanon. Yes, I saw her throwing up. Yes, I heard Vecna-Mom quoting the "loosened the back [of the dress] for you" thing.) If she does have an ED, that's serious and painful and needs addressing. Also, her mother is definitely making a large part of her life hard, emotionally, and that should be addressed. And maybe she feels like she can't go to Jason with her deeper issues, and maybe it's hard to bottle up what's going on at home and pretend things are fine to her friends, yes, that's realistic. But to say she hates it all and wants to chuck it and run away with Eddie Munson and become a stoner metal-loving girlfriend with zero ties to Hawkins and zero love for anyone there except him? Again. Miss me with that.

[leviiattacks]

teacher!levi and teacher!reader headcanons please 🥺

author note :: i expected for this to be better but idk,,, um, you know maybe it’s just me who wishes i executed it better but i wrote this at 3am that’s my excuse. ANYWAY I HOPE U ENJOY ANON :-))) i know it’s not headcanons but here!! also my ask box is always open to feel free to drop by !! 

word count :: 5.4k (after i had to severely cut the word count down because my tumblr wouldn’t let me post the longer version with more detail,,,,)

honestly you’ve never fit in well with the math teachers in particular but you’re still amicable with most

however, there’s one unbearable member of the group that happens to want to play jump rope with your patience constantly

and that person just so happens to be mr ackerman

every single staff meeting the both of you sit furthest away from each other whilst silently exchanging bitter glares

maybe it’s his stony disposition or his unrealistically harsh grading system that makes him seem so off putting to you.

or perhaps it’s your soft and gentle approach to teaching that drives him up a wall

but to make matters simple, the two of you have never got along. nearly everything he says you disagree with and nearly everything you say he has to rebuke.

every outlandish suggestion of his at meetings is met with firm disapproval from you and every time you bring up wanting to provide the children with more time for extracurricular activities he sneers in annoyance

today he’s proposing a plan to set exams as soon as possible

???

you wonder if he’s even thinking with his head attached to his neck because it’ll be impossible for the children to handle all of the content in the form of an exam paper so soon

the workload he’s been pushing onto his math class has become far too ridiculous for your liking and you want to put an end to the man’s reign of terror

it just so happens your classes are scheduled in the blocks next to each other meaning he always sees your students an hour before you do

it’s got to the point where your pupils trudge into english class completely EXHAUSTED

the other day a boy fainted because of lack of sleep and now mr ackerman has the audacity to put forward the exam dates???

“we need to instill these children with discipline. taking them by surprise will give them a much needed reality check.”

you groan at his speech and raise a hand

“may i interject?”

professor ackerman’s tongue pokes at the inside of his cheek the irritation is painted on his face but he nods although he seems reluctant

“these children do not need standardized exams to-”

“would you like for me to completely scrap exams from the curriculum?” without even allowing for you to present your argument he has to cut you off with a mocking grin

“levi, i think-”

“that's mr ackerman to you.”

his blunt correction has you rolling your eyes because YES!! you understand the two of you aren’t exactly the best of friends but he doesn’t even want to be on a first name basis with a colleague of two years??

his pettiness has your blood boiling in searing displeasure

“you have to stop going so hard on these children.”

he’s shuffling through some paperwork not even batting an eye in your direction.

“personally, we aren’t hard enough but of course the english teacher has trouble understanding that.”

the jab he makes at your job only causes the anger inside of you to bubble up again

why does teaching english have ANYTHING to do with this???

“you teach math yet you can’t calculate the reasoning behind your subpar love life. do not insult english.”

personal insults are your favourite to throw at him because he always gets so riled up

and actually for once you have the answer to a math question.

the reason why his love life is so uneventful has to be because of this :

his personality + his obnoxious humour + his looks = a good looking but undatable man

his jaw clenches and the grip he has on the stack of papers in his hands strengthens

ok,, that is kinda hot but that is not relevant at all

you’re able to make out miss ral one of the other math teachers make a move to speak and god you fight the urge to punch her every day because she’s always gushing about mr ackerman

seeing as you don’t want to punch her or anyone for that matter you turn to give her a “if you speak right now i swear to god i will lose my shit” look

she gets the memo incredibly quickly because her mouth closes shut immediately

mr ackerman takes a sip out of the cup of black tea next to him. “i would appreciate if you just sat back and let me do what’s best.”

“children fainting in my lesson is not what’s best.” your rebuttal catches him off guard and he seems more than a little surprised

“wait- fainted??”

you eyes flick over to mr zacharias, you had told him to pass the message on but the way he’s sheepishly looking at the floor avoiding your eyes clearly tells you all you have to know

“looks like someone forgot to pass the message onto you but the other day falco fainted in english.”

“is he- is he okay?? did he say why?”

eyebrows raising you’re quite surprised to see any sort of reaction from him let alone concern

“he stayed up all night completing your homework.”

lips pressing together into a fine line it almost looks as if he’s guilty

“i’ll talk to him about it later.” his voice is back to its usually plain tone and any trace of his previous worry has been masked.

an awkward silence follows. he coughs choosing to not continue the discussion about exams.

principal smith takes the hint and moves on to discuss planned school trips

HOORAH victory!!!

yet another day where you’ve saved your students

“who is fallacy and why are they pathetic?” a few snorts and giggles are heard around the class and you force yourself to laugh at falco's miserable attempt at a joke

you’ve noticed falco’s been cracking more jokes around his new seat mate gabi.

she’s small but feisty always willing to debate and she’s really a joy to teach although she can get a little bit aggressive with the others at times

honestly it’s quite obvious that falco has a fat crush on her. well, actually it’s been obvious from the moment she step foot into your class

and... you couldn’t just ignore the way falco looked at her could you?? and there was an empty space next to him too sooooo, what harm would there be in placing the two together?

it seems as if your attempt at getting the both of them to talk has worked. gabi and falco compete desperately for the top position in the class and are two of the best students you’ve had in a while

also after the day falco fainted in class gabi has been noticeably nicer. things like asking if he’s drank water or how much he’s slept

you have a small inkling that she may like him back

and the budding romance is adorable to you because you too once had childhood crushes

it feels rather nostalgic to see the two interact

but today you notice the two aren’t in

in fact, you notice half of the class isn’t?

“where are the others?” your question sends a jolt through one of your present students but he stays silent choosing to pretend to clean his glasses as a distraction

crossing your arms over your chest you walk over towards his desk

“udo, you can tell me what it is.”

“professor ackerman said not to tell.” udo looks petrified and you’re just kinda wondering what in the hell is going on

lucky for you his resolve is thin and he quickly cracks under pressure

“okay. you can’t say i told.”

nodding in agreement he looks around making sure no one else hears what exactly it is he’s about to disclose

“he’s kept some people back to talk to them about something top secret. i don’t know what but he asked for the students who like you.”

at that you feel a little bitter because if he asked for the student who liked you why on earth is half the class still here??

but oh well, you guess you can’t please them all

“oh no, no, no. you’ve got it wrong. we all wanted to stay but he didn’t let us.”

udo looks genuine so you let it slide

either way it doesn’t really matter as long as the majority prefer you over that sick and twisted math teacher you’re alright

“he does know he’s cut into my class time right?”

“falco told him that and he whispered something about how you’re bothersome.”

you???? bothersome???

WHEN HE’S THE ONE BOTHERING EVERYONE?/!:£:!/)

you don’t even look back as you walk out frankly furious at what’s happened

english is important

ACTUALLY!!!

ENGLISH > MATH

you will stand by that till the day you die

your knuckle meets with the wooden surface of your sworn enemy’s classroom door and almost automatically you’re able to hear the shuffle of chairs and padding of numerous footsteps approach

the door swings open and you step aside to allow your missing students to pass through

they look nervous but one look at your reassuring smile lets them ease up and relax

“well.” a voice behind you snaps “look who paid me a visit.”

“we’re talking about this later.”

you try your best to sound serious but you don’t know if you pull it off as well as he does because he just ends up giving you a disappointed sort of look

“y/n. stick to being the good cop it suits you better.”

“we are not on first name basis. you said it yourself.” is your narrowed comeback

finally turning to face him you’re surprised when your eyes travel to the triangle of space behind him and you’re able to get a peek of what looks to be a list of books on his whiteboard

pride and prejudice

wuthering heights

jane eyre

ville-

before you’re able to read the rest he moves in front of your line of vision

he’s got quite the selection but,, when did he of all the people on this planet start showing any interest in literature?

“the books on the board what’s that about?”

your inquiry flies over his head and he shuts the door behind him completely

his face doesn’t move and if it does it only shows the slightest hint of confusion

“what books are you talking about?” he replies and don’t know why your knees feel a little weak when he looks you straight in the eyes

snap.

out.

of.

it.

“i saw books on the board.”

“you saw wrong.” he barks back and he’s getting agitated now

maybe you did imagine it...

and you have to get back to teach your class so okay fair enough you’ll let it go because you do know you have a habit of daydreaming randomly

however that doesn’t stop you from giving him another skeptical look before you leave because there is NO WAY you imagined it, but it is you and it really could be a possibility

the click clack of your heels against the floor sound out as you remove yourself from the conversation

you assume he’s returned to his classroom

that’s why it catches you by surprise when you hear a hesitant voice behind you

“there were no books on the board.”

you don’t know why he has to tell you that again because it only makes himself look all the more suspicious

“but if they were a list of book recommendations then what would you recommend i read?”

the question is peculiar coming from him

are you in an alternate universe?

is this a dream?

are you talking to a clone?

a robot?

because this can NOT be the same man you’ve been working with for two years

maybe he’s having a change of heart?

but that sounds unlikely

maybe he’s planning to read the book and somehow with that big brain of his formulate a calculation to score it a measly two out of ten

yeah. that sounds more likely.

nevertheless, you still want to give him a recommendation, maybe he’ll find out he’s into books this way

“you should totally check out pride and prejudice :-)”

for once you’re smiling at him and he doesn’t know what to do because the change is sudden but he doesn’t say a word after that

instead he retreats into his classroom

god.

now you’re sure he’s just asked to form a stupid calculation or whatever the hell it is math teachers do.

“he likes you.” hange has a shit eating grin on their face and you can’t help but narrow your eyes and sigh in exasperation

no he does not like you but you don’t try to correct hange because you know they’re firm in their stupid belief

“would you ever date him?” hange fiddles with the last of their potato salad absentmindedly waiting on your reply

the question literally has you choking on your lunch

“i would rather fight for survival in the wilderness. thank you for asking.”

“oh come on... he’s got a thing for you. you read romance novels all the time you should be able to tell he does.”

“yeah and that thing he has for me is wanting to shove my head onto a pitchfork. you’ve got the wrong end of the stick.” shoving a piece of pasta into your mouth you sigh dreamily at the taste. it serves as a momentary distraction

you get one lunch break and you are not!!!! in the mood to talk about him whilst you’re on that break

he’s attractive

and you have to admit he looks handsome in his crisp white button up and pristine black suit AND his cologne is really...

okay, you are digressing from the point

none of what you just said means anything!!!

at surface level he seems like a catch but it’s what’s on the inside that matters and he said he finds english stupid

that’s more than enough of a reason to dislike the guy?

he thinks stuff like the pythagorean theorem and y = mx+c are entertaining

y = mx+c ??? over literature???

you read books to teach and you read books for your own enjoyment

it would be a complete travesty if you had a crush on a book hater

and levi ackerman most certainly can be classed as a book hater.

a pessimistic book hater if the specifics are needed

“OH! SORRY Y/N GOTTA BLAST MOB’S OVER THERE!!!!!”

you don’t even get the chance to say goodbye because hange makes an eager run towards moblit

hange and moblit are inseparable, both are the shared heads of the science department and since he’s been off on sick leave recently you understand why hange’s rushed off to greet him

you wish you had a teacher friend like that but the sad truth is you’re pretty much a lone wolf. the other english teachers are wrinkly old pickles and talk about antiques or quiz shows :-(

“this seat free?”

no way.

it’s not him

it can't be

what does he even want??

“um, well yeah it is free b-.”

“good.” he takes the seat without you even inviting him and now you’re stuck in an awkward situation you didn’t even expect to be in today

you're about to burst into tears because is it too much to ask for a peaceful lunch period???

mr ackerman clears his throat and places a book in the center of the table. “pride and prejudice although not my cup of tea was... mildly enjoyable.”

wait...

is this him...

admitting defeat!??

HELLLOOOOO

you are over the moon right now because you know he really had to have enjoyed it a lot and is simply choosing to withhold that information for his own reputation

“i’m happy to hear you took a liking to it.” you’re munching away at your pasta a little more upbeat now

“okay but the start of the book assuming all single men want a wife? no, all i want is a good night’s rest for once. also mrs bennet needs to calm down, elizabeth can marry who the hell she wa-”

“someone’s a little passionate aren’t they?” you giggle into your glass of water and you catch mr ackerman frowning

“i liked it okay.”

“i thought you said it was only mildly enjoyable just now?” grinning and looking at him through your lashes his cheeks become red

you guess he’s angry or something but that’s the usual with him

“yeah, whatever. i just wanted to play fair and apologise.”

“apologise?” oh wow, now your interest has really peaked because never in the past two years has he apologised to ANYONE

not even principal smith for the one time he flipped out and nearly cursed at a mouthy student at parent's evening

grimacing a little before he does it he finally speaks again.

“english is important. i’m sorry.”

your lips tug up into a bright smile

well???

this is a great interaction??

an apology coming out of levi ackerman of all people

“apology accepted! i’m glad to know you liked the book but now that we’re a tad bit friendlier with each other i wanted to ask for a favour.” your eyes gleam and he swears he can see specks of shining stars in them

“...okay, it depends.”

he’s warming up to you so he considers it

“please don’t cut into my lesson time levi.” his name slips out of your mouth but it’s so natural you don’t even care to correct yourself

“i’m sorry about that too y/n.” your name now ventures out of his mouth too as it tests the waters

wordlessly the two of you agree to first name basis

BUT more important matters are at hand such as how he’s issued you yet another apology?

this is satire surely

because why is he so willing all of a sudden...?

well, that's the power of pride and prejudice, wow you’re really thanking the heavens for blessing this world with jane austen’s existence

jane austen. a woman capable of remarkable things, she's even managed to make an unmoving book hater somehow become a lover

poking at your tuna pasta you and levi are now quiet.

“soooooo, any opinions on mr wickham?” you ask the question hoping to initiate a longer conversation than before

and luckily for you your attempt works

SUCCESS!!

levi pinches the bridge of his nose and the creases on his forehead show he clearly isn't particularly fond of wickham

“don’t get me started he’s so indescribably annoying?”

ok, ok, ok

you don’t even know how it happens but you and levi really hit it off

weeks have passed and you and him have even become lunch buddies

it was so shocking to moblit at first that he dropped his lunch on the floor when he saw you and levi enthusiastically exchanging words

then again, two mr wickham haters are bound to get along

you’re seriously wondering how the two of you ever survived as mortal enemies

yeah, you still disagree a lot but you’re getting there!!

sometimes he helps you out when your computer stops running and in exchange you’re willing to offer him book recommendations

he swears he doesn't want any recommendations from you but you know he enjoys it

yesterday he got microsoft excel out and showed you how useful it really was and you went :O because you never really understood the need for it at all

you’re a little bit of a granny when it comes to tech...

and just today at lunch you recommended he checks some plays out but his nose wrinkled at the mention of shakespeare so the both of you went through a long list of dramas and eventually you were able to interest him in j.b. priestely's an inspector calls

another victory for you!!

anyway, right now the two of you are sitting inside of the staff room seeing as it's that time of the month again.

time for the monthly staff meeting

it's the first one you've had since you and levi became friends and you're worried the both of you will be back at it butting heads

wait, are you friends?

well, you wouldn't mind if that were the case but to be honest you would like to be a little bit more than friends mayb-

no!!! no!!! no!!! stupid thought!!! you retract that statement immediately

no you do not want to be more than friends with levi ackerman, yes he's lovely to a degree but you are not going to elaborate on why it's a terrible idea to fancy him

okay wait, let's elaborate for the sake of elaborating

he's surprisingly charming and wittier than you thought he would be. the fun conversations are making your days now and to be honest it is nice to have someone to spend lunch with (hange usually skips out on lunch all together to tinker in the science labs and set up experiments)

wait... weren't you suppose to explain why you don't want to get with him?

you're an idiot and you don't notice how dumb you really are until everyone just kinda gawks at the both of you because it's so odd seeing you in the same room let alone within a three feet radius of each other.

fuck, you completely forgot you and levi sat at opposite ends of the room

principal smith enters and even he looks visibly shocked at the change in seats but he doesn't mention it and you're grateful he doesn't because you didn't purposefully sit here it just happened on accident

erwin turns in your direction and smiles

"would you like to start off with your proposition for extracurriculars?"

nodding your head you begin passionately.

"well, i'd like to say i don't think we offer the children enough. we have spare funding so why not open another club? cooking perhaps? i understand many of you may not understand the importance of teaching them how to cook but-"

"do you have an obsession for setting these children up for failure?" tensing up you notice it's levi who's spoke and he doesn't sound remotely happy

blinking once and then twice he realizes his tone isn't the best and he mutters an apology "sorry, go ahead i'll add in when you're done."

whispers travel through the room straight away

"did he just say sorry?"

"actually why are those two sitting together?"

"do you think they're you know...?"

miss ral who's sat a little further away is the next person to disagree with you

"i understand the intention but would it not be better to let them have extra math lessons?"

"oh, so you can get a pay rise?" the comeback you make is aggressive and dripping in displeasure

she sits up face burning up

"no- no- absolutely not i take pleasure in teaching all of my classes." flustered and trying to hide her nerves she takes a sip out of her water bottle

you want to pour all of the water out onto that ginger hair of hers

the reason why her interjection is getting on your nerves is due to the fact you overheard her and another one of the math teachers plan to bring this specific point up

and you are well aware that her reasoning behind it has nothing to do with the children

she couldn't care less about them

"do not make me repeat what you and mr bozado were chit chatting about earlier today."

the threat is enough to silence her and just when you think you've handled the situation levi has to give his input

"let's ignore petra's motivations and talk about how teaching these kids how to cook means nothing if they have no tradable skills to offer in the real world." levi's not looking at you. he's either too annoyed or too preoccupied with his thought process

at that moment you feel naive, you thought maybe he would try to understand your opinion seeing as he's been spending so much time with you as of recent but that looks to not be the case

murmurs of agreement fill the room at his statement and you feel pathetic

it's practically the entire room against you now

genuinely how is it these people can manage to be such spoiled sports about everything?

"recently, i asked all of my classes to write an essay about school stress. maybe you won't understand my views because you haven't read their pieces but they need a fucking break." the expletive flies out of your mouth without warning and you flush in embarrassment

that

was

not

professional.

"oh god, i'm sorry i got worked up i shouldn't hav-" fumbling over all of your words you feel even more mortified

the principal raises his hand signalling you stop and you clamp your mouth shut. you're in huge trouble that's for sure

but,,, in spite of the clear difference in opinion between you and the other teachers, soft and well spoken principal smith says the unthinkable

"i have the final say and i believe you are coming from a good place after reading your student's work. how would you feel about running the new cooking club?"

scanning his face for a second you can tell his question is legitimate and the wave of relief that washes over you has never felt better than ever

sighing contently you agree and as the topic of conversation shifts to something else entirely you sense your heart rate picking up

you feel like you're back to square one with levi.

it's yet another day where you’ve saved your students and you should be feeling overjoyed but if anything you feel a little deflated

you wish he would have come around and understood but you can't teach and old dog new tricks

again, the feeling of disappointment wears you down

two weeks have passed since then and your favourite time of year has come. it’s spring term meaning MACBETH

the english curriculum includes plays and it just so happens that today is your first lesson covering shakespeare

and you LOVE shakespeare

something about all the intricate foreshadowing always has you excited

but some children are missing

and it’s way too many to blame on sickness

so you wait for a few minutes but it's consistently radio silent

the last time this happened the culprit had been levi and he promised to never cut into your lesson time

but you could count on him to break his promise after the fiasco that was the monthly meeting

is he back to hating you and hating literature?

well, that's his loss if that's the case!! and no!! you will not upset yourself over the loss of the budding friendship

sighing you get to your feet making a beeline to the door but gabi and falco rush to stop you

awkward chuckles activated they wave their hands to get your attention “OH NO, they’ll only be five minutes!!” their sentence comes out as one big blur of words but you manage to understand them

now you’re doubtful because you know falco and gabi would usually ignore you and allow you to walk out

giving them a knowing glance the pair look between each other

their eyes are clearly communicating and asking if it’s alright to tell you

“i promise i won’t be mad.” you sigh

perhaps if you reassure them they’ll be more likely to spill the beans

“it’s not that you... i don't know. you might be upset.” gabi isn't one to care much for other's feelings so you're slightly anxious even though you shouldn't be

but you’re a tough nut to crack. so, absolutely not. you are not going to upset yourself over whatever it is

“i won’t be hurt. i’ve suffered through reading some of the most emotional classics to ever exist.” hitting your chest with your fist you wince a little because you hit yourself a little too hard

falco’s seems to be too shy to come out with it so gabi takes the lead as she normally does

“some students were talking badly about you so mr ackerman kept them behind to have a talk.”

oh.

yeah, actually you are a teeny weeny bit disheartened because you think you’re nice to all of your pupils but it’s nothing too bad, not everyone will like you

“if that’s all i’ll go get them. thank you for letting me know.” giving them two thumbs up you leave the class immediately

levi is probably scolding them to hell and back

not because he cares for you but because he hates disrespect in general

as you’re nearing the open door of his classroom you hear something you never thought would emerge from levi’s room

“final question. why does mr darcy say he doesn’t want to dance with elizabeth at first?” oh yeah, that’s levi’s voice for sure

an english question?

is he quizzing them on pride and prejudice?

you wait hoping your students don't fail you and are able to provide the correct answer.

“ummm... she’s not pretty enough!!”

levi hums “you answered all five questions right. do you all know why?”

you can’t see the children’s faces but they have to be confused if there’s no immediate response

he grunts in agitation “because your english teacher works hard to teach you every single day. have some respect because that teacher of yours is one in a million.”

taking your bottom lip in between your teeth you fight the urge to smile

“do you know how at every single staff meeting there’s only ever one teacher fighting for you all and what you want. i can assure you that teacher isn’t me, but i believe you can all guess who i'm talking about.”

your heart does a back flip in your chest and you feel jittery but in that really fuzzy good way

like that super duper fuzzy and hazy good way

he’s really very sweet for saying all of this and you're now smiling like an idiot

one pupil takes a chance to make amends “we’re sorry mr ackerman.”

but before levi can give them a response you clap your hands together and walk in unannounced 

“apology accepted, now if you want to all be forgiven forever please return to class and answer the questions on the board!” directing them to the door with your hands you make sure they're conscious fo the fact you aren't mad at them

still, never have you seen them so eager to run off to analyze macbeth. you guess levi's deathly stare is the cause for it

holding back a laugh you clear your throat after the last student leaves

“thank you levi :-)”

it’s quiet for a second and you think to ask him about what has been gnawing at your mind

“you didn’t have to do that. you disagreed with me before so... why did you?”

“i say this at every meeting and you never listen but children need to be disciplined.” his unchangeable tone is unwelcoming

again it’s awkwardly silent and you sorta regret even coming over to see what was going on because now you and levi are just having an uncomfortable staring contest

then he scratches the back of his neck and heaves a heavy breath

“it may also be because i really fucking like you, but i look like an idiot saying that when we’ve been at each other's necks for two years.”

oh.

the sudden and brutally honest confession has the wind knocked out of you, you’re stunned

and then you get hit by it too. the realization hits you like rain hits umbrellas on stormy days. you like him too.

you like him for his witty sense of humour, his pure honesty and his hatred for mr wickham only serves as a bonus

yes, you have your differences. many of them. but you like him

he’s no longer a book hater and so by default you can fancy him. he goes against none of your guidelines essentially

you like him, he likes you back?’//’.;

[SCREAMS]

“well, what do you say? will you be this mr darcy's elizabeth bennet?” hearing the cheesy pickup line from him of all people has the butterflies in your stomach exploding in delight 

“you sound weird, where's the grumpy math teacher from before?" now you and him are simply shamelessly flirting but HEY!! you have no complaints at all

he scoffs at your sarcastic question

"do you want the equation for a two dimensional heart on a graph beca-"

"can i just kiss you?"

wOWIE are you being bold today y/n???

thankfully you don't have to wait for his answer. levi’s right hand pulls your face in and he slams his lips against yours. he gives your waist a squeeze and you hold him tighter by the neck in response. he has a way of somehow making it all feel gentle and relaxed in the same breath

and... you know what? maybe you should have recommended pride and prejudice to him earlier

but oh well.

what matters the most right now is that you're kissing your mr darcy!!

and he’s kissing his elizabeth bennet

:-)

[lemonmint50]

Recipe towards happiness with finding the balance

If you don’t check yourself sometimes, you’ll remain a stunted person, never growing, and be oblivious to the problems you can make for yourself & others. So it’s important to always strive to be a better person and not be blind to your shortcomings. When you’re a person who’s always striving to be better; it’s very easy to feel hurt by feedback that challenges all the progress you’ve made. Instead of dwelling on negative feedback, try to reframe it into a learning experience and not a regressive setback. If you're trying, that is so much more important that staying a stunted person. And you should try to appreciate yourself for your effort. Perfection is not something someone should want to achieve anyway. Think about it, if you were a perfect soccer player you would win every game. Imagine how boring that would make the game. The challenge would be taken from it, and there would be no more excitement. Perfection is a dead end. This perfection concept applies to everything. A person that never offends anyone at any time does not exist. To achieve perfection would mean turning everyone’s experience into a uniform consensus on everything. The world would be a dull place because everyone would think the same. So beating yourself up over not achieving an impossible dull standard just causes unneeded heartache and unhealthy guilt. Perfection is a dead end and boring, and not something to ever want to achieve. I used to have depression in my school days and since graduating I’ve discovered the pointlessness of perfection and have learned to reframe feedback, and not be so hard on myself. I have not been depressed since, and have found a way to break out of that past miserable cycle. I think finding happiness starts when you can strike a good balance between striving to be better and being comfortable with there being no dead end. 

I think people falsely equate true happiness to mean a dead end outcome where you'll never be sad again, which is unrealistic. Just because I found happiness doesn't mean I don't get sad sometimes. But being sad is so much different from being depressed. Sad is a normal fleeting emotion that anyone will encounter from living life. Depression is a debilitating soul crushing feeling and can feel like there's no end to it once you're in it. Its hard to gather energy to get out of bed, interact with friends, or do basic things. It's problematic when people use them interchangeably. Someone very important to me passed a few years ago, and my dog died in March of this year. I was sad at those times and mourned them, but I didn't have that soul crushing enduring feeling that I surely would have developed if it happened earlier. I'm lucky that I was able to learn to break my mind's negative spirals, and I'm hoping I can spread the message so people can apply this and break out of their own negative spirals to find happiness. It's not easy. Once I discovered it, it took me a whole year of consciously making the mental effort of reframing negative things when they come, and changing up my mindset each time until it finally sunk in, and it no longer took me effort to grasp it. The result of true happiness realistically looks like still having some sad times, but never again to the point of depression. This was my recipe to achieving happiness and I hope this advice can be helpful to someone. 

[adventuresoutsidethegenderbinary]

The difference between gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia, explained by someone who has both

There seems to be a fair amount of confusion about gender dysphoria (probably because we never talk about it in health class or anything like that), and I've seen a lot of people who think it's the same thing as body dysmorphia (and hence feed into the narrative that being trans is a mental illness), so I thought I'd clear that up.

Gender dysphoria is a feeling of deep discomfort with aspects of the gender assigned to one at birth. Not all trans people experience physical dysphoria, but for those of us who do it's like being trapped in a body that isn't yours. I can hardly stand to look at myself in the mirror and close my eyes while I shower. I try to make my chest seem flatter, and feel miserable when I'm not binding. There's also a social element of dysphoria, which involves feeling upset over the use of certain pronouns, names, or other gendered elements. For instance, I feel sick when someone calls me "she" or uses my deadname.

Body dysmorphia is a mental illness in which one fixates over an aspect of their appearance that they think is flawed - even though what they think could be far from reality. For as long as I can remember, I've thought that I was overweight, even though I've always had a low BMI. I resorted to calorie counting and starving myself, at times almost passing out at school, because I was so desperate to lose weight. (Side note, the unrealistic body standards of our society and frequent mockery of overweight people definitely contributed to this problem for me, so that's something that should change). This seemed ridiculous to people around me, because I was skinny, but I didn't think I was.

This dysmorphia was different from my dysphoria in that the dysmorphia made me think I looked different than I did, while I was perfectly aware of how I looked for the things that made me dysphoria. I know that I have a chest and a soft jaw, those things just feel wrong to me. I did not know that I wasn't overweight, and I couldn't see that. These two did sometimes overlap with me, for instance, looking at my hips made me dysphoric and also made me feel fat, but overall, they are very, very different things. I've learned how to look at myself more realistically, and also understand that it is natural for humans to have some fat - being able to see your ribs is not a goal you should have - and this has really helped reduce my dysmorphia. My dysphoria, on the other hand, is not really something that I can lessen overtime with the help of therapy - I can learn coping strategies for it and try to not let it affect me too much, but the only way to reduce it is to transition. My dysmorphia was a result of my mental illness; my dysphoria was a result of being given a gender and a body that didn't match how I felt.

This is an important conversation to have because greater awareness and understanding of both dysmorphia and dysphoria will lead to greater support for individuals affected by these things, and will also help to defeat the narrative that being trans is a mental illness.

[moononastring]

Can I bring back Gigi’s tea time for a minute. I’m not really sure why I’m feeling so down about being forever alone lately but it’s hitting hard right now. I went on like 4 dates in the last 2 week (which is a huge deal because I never accept dates) and they all were very bland. I get really nervous that I’m never going to find someone that sparks my interest or that I’ll feel comfortable enough to open up to for real. I swear my standards are on the floor to which I know is a personal problem but I just want someone nice that can hold a conversation at first. I’m not even unrealistically looking for someone I immediately click with because I know first dates can be awkward. Idk the pressure of 30 creeping up on me and realizing I’ve never had a stable healthy relationship is making me sad. 😭 I just feel like at this point I’m not really worth anyones time. 😞

I am always ready for Gigi's tea time and always happy y'all feel comfortable sharing with me <3

Honestly babe? This is a more common feeling than you think. I see it a lot. I am personally experiencing it. It's so fucken hard to try and find someone you click with but I think the most important thing is to remember that: you are 100% worth anyone's time. Most importantly, your value is not dictated by anyone's opinion of you. You are important and you are a catch. Don't go down the road of talking negatively about yourself. It won't do anything but make things harder for yourself and you don't deserve that.

The dating scene in general right now is rough and there are a lot of frogs people gotta weed through to find their person. I'm proud of you that you took the step to go out on dates when you previously didn't. It's a great first step! But it's okay that none of them worked out. It's still an experience that brings you closer to having a great date or even realizing, "hey, it's not meant for me. I don't care."

At the end of the day, I will always tell you: don't settle or lower your standards. It might satisfy you in the moment but in the long run, it'll only hurt you. Know what you want out of a relationship because it's less about the status of being in a relationship and more about finding someone you want to have a life-long partnership with.

Out of all my friends, I'm the only single one. I have been for years and sometimes, it's hard because I'm like "damn, what about me?" but then I remember, their partners met them at the right time and are right for them. The options I met were not it and I know had I given them a chance they didn't deserve, I would've been miserable. So, I make my peace with the idea that hey, it might just not be in the cards for me even though it is something I would be open to and would want with the right person. Keywords: right person. I just haven't met them yet.

So don't settle and raise those standers babe. You deserve someone that is worth your time. What's yours won't ever miss you and that applies to relationships too. Try not to put so much pressure on yourself and take things as they come. You took the first step by putting yourself out there and your life is just starting! People can fall in love and find their person literally at any moment in time! It's okay to feel down about it sometimes! We can't help it when we live in a world obsessed with love and relationships haha. It's in our nature to want those things BUT don't let yourself wallow in it. Let yourself have fun with the dating scene because it's better for you to wait for the right thing than rush and regret it. You are worth it and you better remember that!